#There's just a lot and I'm tired and I would like things to be less piled with meaning for a little bit

[kursedmayo]

I HATEEEE it when people say Falin and Laois are EXACTLY THE SAME. NO THEY ARE NOT, WHAT.

LISTEN TO ME.

Falin is soft spoken. Shes the type to get spoken over. Her presence is faint and she's hyper conscious of other people's emotions and very much empathetic- up to the point that she would retract herself to make room for other people and generally more than self-sacrificial, her first thought is to rush into danger without considering it- unlike her brother who will at least analyze the situation first. This is why people like her so much, it's because she knows how to temper herself. She's wouldn't come off as intrusive, she doesn't dump people information about something unless they show her interest first. She's weird, but she stays out of people's business. That's Falin.

Laois is different. He doesn't mask- or at least, he rarely does, and he's a lot less aware of people's true emotions because he spent his childhood ostrasized and unable to connect with other people. This is why he's too much, he's overcompensating from everything he went through. Now that he's a bit safer from petty bullies and has some friends, he lets himself blurts things out and generally rarely considers how other people would perceive his words before he says or does things, because that's how we went through his entire life. This is why he accidently says offensive things without meaning to. From what I can tell from the Manga, he still wants to befriend people while not being able to understand them as much as monsters, so unlike Falin he's more likely to overstep people's boundaries and speaking over them while attempting to get closer- something which can bother people because they get trapped in a conversation where they don't want to be in, like Toshiro/Shuro.

(I also think this is why he was in such disbelief when Kabru said he was interested in Laois and wants to know him, because usually it's always the other way around.)

People like Falin more not just because she's a girl but because she's empathetic, calm and knows how to handle people despite being odd, so she comes off as charming. People don't like Laois because he's more hyper- especially if he likes you and is taking about his interests, PLUS he's not just odd he very obviously acts and says freaky shit, so it's easier to dislike or be annoyed with him.

Disclaimer, I don't dislike him, he's a wonderful character with relatable issues and to be honest, he kinda reminds me heavily of a friend of mine actually, but as someone who relates more to Falin I HATE the fact that the story spends so much time building up what Falin is like only for people to say that "SHES BASICALLY A CARBON COPY OF LAOIS!!!".

It kinda reeks of accidental misogynistic fandom behavior because tell me why you are unable to seperate a woman from her familial relationship and similarities with a man instead of awknowledging her as her own person even though the fucking story built up Falin's characterization over the chapters as someone who is CLEARLY different although similar to her brother.

GOD. I'M SO TIRED.

#text #kursed rambles #dungeon meshi #falin touden #laois touden #shuro dunmeshi

[dairy-farmer]

Sneaking back iiiin~☆ After a period of being away o/

D-Lister Otome Powers POG? I think SO! CONSIDER:

Tim, out on patrol, things have been... tense. He's gotten Bruce back from the timeline, but it hasn't FIXED anything. Things were said. He spiraled. Trust was betrayed. He doesn't... he doesn't feel like he HAS a home anymore.

Dick feels betrayed and worried TOO. He needed Tim's support. Instead he broke down, went rouge, and nearly DIED. Didn't explain ANYTHING. Now he's drifting away from the family.

Bruce is barely recovered. His family is in pieces around him and he's pretty sure it's his fault.

So... Patrol is... Professional. Tense. Like it has been for days.

Red Robin is checking out some minor disturbance. Discovers clues that it's some INCREDIBLY naive or foolish out-of-towner who thinks they can "make a name for themselves" in America's crime capital. Idiot is going to get himself killed.

But why target a minor gaming company?

No matter, RR can handle it. He's tired, patrols nearly over. Should be quick.

The days after weeks of hurt and hypertense emotions have left him exhausted. Making mistakes he would normally NEVER make. Like going after an unknown alone. No matter how small they SEEM.

You could always be wrong.

And that KILLS.

Batman trained him better then that. Bruce, catches his plan, too late. Is blocks away. Can hear, through Tim's comms, the most terrifying sort of confidence in that opponents voice. Not fool hardy overconfidence. Not arrogance. But "I have a nasty trick that I KNOW you can't counter". Tim. Tim, get out of there! TIM!

Red Robin does not respond.

And Tim? Wakes up with a splitting headache. Too... honestly? What looks A LOT frilly, hyper feminine version of one of Drake Manor's guest rooms. But with "personal touches" added to make it LOOK like someone supposedly lives here. Too generic though. And too artfully placed. It looks like a movie set.

Where the fuck is h-*DING!*

Then a blue screen like some of the holographic screens he's seen before, pops up. "Welcome to ☆~Knights In Gotham~☆! Complete the game or be trapped forever~♡!" It reads in cutesy font.

Well that ONE way to get him out of bed. But unfortunately, it takes less then 15 minutes to confirm that he is, indeed, not in his native reality. MIGHT be drugged or hypnotized. He'll have to test. But the whole new reproductive set, suggest otherwise.

So he pokes around. Speed runs his emotional "I'm trapped, might never see my family again. No. No! I WILL escape!" Character arc/mental breakdown in the shower. Finds some pants.

Figures out what sort of game this is. It's an Otome game. Dating. Based on? His FAMILY. Fffffuck his life.

Okay, should be TOO bad right? People never get their personalities right in fan stuff. Thanks to the Bats being Cryptids. So Tim can just pretend they're other people, right?

Wrong.

The game world he quickly realizes, is using HIS knowledge to fill in the blanks of the massively unfinished framework. This assholes Meta powers? Can only trap him IN here. He's not in control of it. NO ONE IS. Oh, that's so much worse.

Outside? Bruce has BatDad'd panic beat downed the Otome Meta. Where is his BABY BOY!? He can't answer you unconscious, Bruce. Thankfully, Dick is observant. There us a computer on. With Tim on it. He puts two and two together. They are able to keep the power on and transfer the computer to the cave.

Meanwhile? Tim is staring down a Bruce in FULL Brucie Mask. Debating with himself. Because on ONE hand? Childhood wet dreams: Get? But on the OTHER, baggage for daaaaays. And there us no guarantee this isn't a PG title. So like? Bruce would DEFINITELY be the hardest Route, wouldn't he?

He has no idea what he's doing.

He doesn't PLAY these type of games.

He figures, since demon child DOESNT have a reason to hate him here? Probably the safest bet. Especially since he won't feel as bad manipulating a version of him. It should be fine right?

Wrong. He doesn't play these sort of games. Is unaware of how they work and what's at stake. He bungles it. Doesn't play to the troupes, gets his first Bad End. He knew just a touch TOO much, too soon, too openly. Damian's character became convinced he was either a Rouge or an Assassin. But! He got all those "heart event" thingies! Tim mentally protests!

Which is why it doesn't just cut to black, a sudden attack from behind, "Game Over".

No, Tim wakes up behind bars. In a bunker. Nicer then a prison cell, but only just. Because Damian LOVES him. But can not allow him to continue his criminal ways. So he's going to rehabilitate him. By force if necessary. And he knows, because he is not a fool, that Tim does not truely love him. But?

He can fix that too.

They have time.

Outside? Actual Damian is horrified. His feelings towards Drake are... complexe. But this?! Absolutely not! He lunges forward. Dick is trying desperately to hit the Restart. It's not working. Damian hits it HARDER. It works immediately. (They later realize only the "Route" target can restart the game)

Tim wakes up in the starting room.

This time he fuckin LOOKS UP Otome Games on a computer.

Takes a bracing shot of whiskey, because this IS Drake Manor and he knows where his parents hid the good stuff, and tries again. Gets the Neutral End. Fuck! Okay, tries AGAIN. Gets shot, Game Over. Oh god damn it!

He keeps going.

Nothing seems to be WORKING. He's getting stressed. Lonely, desperate, hopelessness trying to set in. He just... just wants to feel WARM you know? Reassured. Held. Knows he's not thinking clearly, but...

So he goes after "Brucie". He KNOWS Bruce. Knows how he picks his one night stands. Knows how to dress up just enough, just OFF enough, to not be suspicious. It's a bad idea. He knows it as he gets dressed. As he arrives. Flirts. Charms and drinks, but not too much. Let's himself be tucked under Bruce's arm. Led away.

Kon always said he was great with his mouth. From the way "Brucie" tenses, like iron under the sild of his suit, holding himself back from grabbing and being rougher then his reputation would allow? He'd say Bruce agrees. Tim certainly puts his all into it. Let's himself lose himself to the rhythm of movement. The scent of Bruce's cologne. The slide over his tounge.

Stolen moments though, aren't enough to get to everything Bruce wants.

The party ends too soon. And Tim leaves with the other guests.

Only to find himself FIRMLY in Bruce's route. The man showing up everywhere. Stealing kisses. Hands disappearing under clothes. Bruce, as he tends too, obsessed. In love. Overwhelming. Tim finally, FINALLY get a Good End.

He also gets fucked, in his bed, within an inch of incoherence, by Batman.

Yet the Game does not release him. Because it did not say "complete A Route" the realse conditions were Complete the GAME. So now Tim has to "win" the others.

All while they watch.

Because THEY are the only ones who can start a new route. Bruce absolutely could have hit that restart once the Good End popped up. Yet... he let the scene play out. Sat, alone, having sent the others to bed... and watched his son get fucked by a version of himself. Watched his son gasp and whimper, cry out and sob, in pleasure.

They each get to watch. As Tim bonds with "them". Spends time with "them".

Eventually, Tim manages the secret Harem Ending. Stumbles free into the waiting arms of his family. They rejoince. But the question remains~! What will they do know? After so long, thinking darkly that they could "do better"? That TIM deserved better then the touch of imposters? That is the question we ask! As I run out of steam and need to sleep! Thoughts?

-🐼🐼🐼

tim's family watching as he works through all their "routes" 👀👀👀👀

#answered asks #asks #anonymous

[ridiculously-over-obsessed]

I swear, this is the last ever New Year that I ring in with people who don't value me or my time and efforts. This is the last year that I spend the holidays etc feeling utterly despondant and miserable. This is the last time I spend the 2 weeks that encompass Christmas, New Years, and my birthday with my cunt of a mother and sister. They have had almost 25 of them in some way or another, and this is their last. I'm done.

#max rambles a lot #pissed off exhausted and ready to go to bed now tbh #i worked really hard to try and make the most of the fact that i'm stuck with them #i bought us some fun card games for xmas to try and give us something to do together #and they just half heartedly sulked through it and then pissed off upstairs again less than an hour later #i'm done trying and i'm done caring #if i'm ringing in the new year by myself then so be it #seems a fitting end to this crap shoot of a year tbh #like it would be one thing if i was choosing to spend it by myself #but yeah i've put a lot of effort into trying to make the best out of this and they just both fucked off #mums watching whatever bs tv show she like this week and furthering her emotional affair with a married man #my sister who said she was tired and wanted a nap is actually on a discord call and yelling and laughing and screaming with her friends #so yeah fuck em i'm done making an effort to make things nice or easy or whatever #fuck 2023 tbh what an absolute cunter of a year #gonna make myself a drink and see if i can write anymore of this current chapter of tmwyh(icfit) #might get it out in the first couple of days of 2024 who knows #anyway happy new year ig

[sparky-is-spiders]

Hi! I’m here suffering from lack of good Archivist!Sasha content as well 😭 On that note, do you have any fic on that topic you would recommend? Or just good Sasha fics in general, (or Jonsasha, if that’s your cup of tea)? Thank you in advance 😊

Tragically, I think there is a general dearth of good Archivist!Sasha content (and just about none of it Jonsasha content, as far as I can tell (and not only is Jonsasha my cup of tea, but the ONLY thing standing between it and the #1 OTP spot (currently occupied by JE) is the fact that the Jonsasha that I desperately crave exists in my brain and nowhere else)). Admittedly, I haven't looked very far into her tag yet (I should rectify that at some point tbh) but I've dug around the Jonsasha tag when I first got into it, and I know at least one fic where Sasha drifts towards Beholding through an interest in office gossip.

In terms of Jonsasha Ao3 has:

This very good Sasha lives fic where Jon shows up to Georgie's with an unconscious Sasha and everyone involved is very confused.

These two fics are cute also. The former is by @/suttttton and is them getting together, the latter is established Jonsasha from @/dickwheelie.

Eyevatar Sasha might actually be thinner on the ground (outside of fix-its where she solves everything and her canon reckless curiosity is completely ignored). Ao3 has:

This fic, which is Jongerry with outsider PoV Sasha. Just barely has the implication that she might be shifting towards the Eye (via prying into the lives of her coworkers) but gets a mention through sheer force of Excellent Sasha Characterization. I read this and I feel like I'm reading a fic from a Sasha Understander.

There's also this fic, which looks very promising but which I haven't actually gotten the chance to read yet, so I can't speak to its quality.

Unfortunately I've only gotten into Sasha fairly recently (especially as compared to Jon, who my brain latched onto in a deathgrip from the start), so I haven't gone through her tag yet. A scroll through the Archivist!Sasha or Beholding Avatar!Sasha tags pulls up a lot of fix-it and J//mart, which isn't really what I'm looking for from the concept. I'm sure there's more out there, and if/when I find them I'll come back to this ask probably, but I lucked into Reverse Nighthawks (I was on a Jongerry kick).

But god every day I wish that I could write romance and/or longfic, because about a year ago I read a Jonmichael fic that, when discussing alternate universes (where Jon ended the world) it's revealed that he once did an apocalypse out of love for his Archivist, Sasha James. And it was one (1) single line, but it struck me so hard because god. A perfect concept I think. The potential dynamics of Archivist!Sasha/Assistant!Jon are enthralling to me. Jon destroying the world (or helping her destroy the world? Cute date night I think: bringing about armageddon with your eldritch monster partner) for Sasha... anyway mostly I mentioned that one because My God if I have to live with that tantalizing AU rotating in the background of my mind 24/7 so do the rest of you.

#also I'm very sorry how much this was About Jon #I really /do/ love sasha it's just that jon lives in my brain literally all the time #I am incapable of making a single solitary tma post that is not like 50% about him #not a Single One #every character and relationship and dynamic must somehow include jon to interest me. I struggle to care about jon-less anythings #it's a Problem #anyway I really really love sasha and want to write her one day but I need to finish my JE stuff first #the thing is the sasha in my brain is in zero other places #I extrapolated some stuff from canon to create a Blorbo but I don't think many other people interpret her the same way #I have some sasha and jonsasha stuff lying around somewhere but the gist is that I think sasha should become a morally questionable eyevata #who feeds the eye by invading people's privacy ''accidentally.'' based on her actions in the s1 finale she's probably a good person usually #but is reckless when protecting those she cares about and ESPECIALLY when curious and I want her to be a lil freaky with it #too tired to string my sasha thoughts together properly but they're mostly about how she should have a fun corruption arc #I want her to end the world in s3. I want her to have extremely difficult and complicated feelings about leaving the institute. about being #an eyevatar also. I think she didn't get enough screentime to say a lot for certain but she has enough interesting and complex things in he #brain that she could offer an interesting perspective if she survived or was the archivist. I also think she and martin should've switched #places. sorry martinlikers but she had more stuff going for her and also her perspective would be unique and interesting instead of yet #another 'the Eye is Bad.' that's actually the jonsasha thing I like the most. reading her statement and there's so many parallels between #her and jon. I think they'd compliment each other in a way literally no other jonship could manage #anyway sorting tags #jonsasha #asks #thank you for the ask btw!! I am. VERY. passionate about this subject. sasha has so much potential and stuff going for her but I get so #bitter because nobody is willing to engage with the stuff I find most interesting about her. probably another reason it took me as long as #it did to get Attached to her. I spent too much time with fanon sasha who's had the potential and complexity and points of interest #stripped away so that she can fix the world for jm to get together which is so much more boring than whatever the hell was wrong with her #(affectionate) (I like my characters a lil weird and fucked up. a lot weird and fucked up even) #ok veryvery tired need to stop rambling and think about sasha some more. #oh wait one more thought actually she's autistic and trans (projecting but also. like. tell me i'm wrong) thank you and goodnight

[blakelywintersfield]

I am absolutely begging y'all to realize that "celtic" and "gaelic" are not interchangeable terms

#especially in terms of paganism and culture. wicca has massively fucked that too #but then at the same time a lot of y'all use paganism and wicca interchangeably too #i am once again asking people with minimal occult knowledge and/or christian / former christian now atheist upbringings to please just #don't. just don't okay unless you've actually spent time researching anything in relation to paganism please don't speak on it i'm so tired #like i would still consider myself to be in the introductory stages of gaelic paganism but that's after like #two years of cultural and religious research. so i'm not speaking as someone who thinks they're an expert in these fields #but you know what makes that research harder? #having to sift through every celtic or wiccan thing mislabeled ''gaelic paganism'' like they are not synonymous #i am not wiccan. my form of paganism falls under the greater umbrella of celtic culture #but celtic paganism is the equivalent of ''christianity'' #christianity includes hundreds of sects including catholicism‚ mormonism‚ protestants‚ quakers‚ fundamentalists... the list goes on #like celtic paganism is much more loose and less defined. and is still not comparable to wicca #wicca is honestly Religious Appropriation‚ The Religion. it bastardizes celtic‚ germanic‚ greek‚ and roman paganisms #along with taking from major religions like judaism‚ hinduism‚ buddhism‚ islam‚ and even christianity! #it is NOT comparable to paganism. it is NOT one in the same. #just. god i'm so tired of this kind of shit i really wish someone would write a guide for all this shit #'cause i know it's not out of malicious intent but when you call someone that's desperately trying to recover their culture #from violent protestantism and its offshoots along with decades of active genocide by the english a ''wiccan'' and use it interchangably #with ''gaelic paganism'' it's like. it's like saying the irish and the english are the same thing like. that's insulting. #i know it's not on purpose but it's still insulting. #okay i'm done rambling in the tags sorry i'm tired

[irawhiti]

man there is really no way out of poverty huh. like for real.

#no matter how much money i save up over years and years it literally won't ever be enough #i'm just never gonna get anything i want done like top surgery and i have to accept that. at the bare minimum it's gonna take over a decade #i have over 10 thousand dollars worth of dental work that needs to be done now #which would have been completely free if my parents just took me as a teen. free. but they didn't because they're abusive fuckwads #so now i gotta foot the bill. i'll never forgive them for a lot of things and that's one of the biggest things lol. #it's gonna cost several thousand dollars just to get me out of here back into a city too not even including finding a place and paying bond #everything i've saved up for literal years now is literally nothing compared to the bare minimum to potentially stop being fucking homeless #i've lost all the weight i gained from being able to feed myself bc i'm back with my parents with even less access to food than last time #so i'm just like... chronically malnourished and fainting all the time again. it really feels like the past few years were for nothing #i wish i had a bed. i haven't had a bed for well over a year now. #it's so fucking expensive to be homeless and for what. i was able to take a shower for the first time in two weeks today #taking a shower costs $30 for me. i'm so tired man. #delete later

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

i feel like life right now is me trying to juggle approximately 127 different things, and none of them are life-or-death but they’re all equally important to me, so those 127 things are like simultaneous balls in the air that i am holding up while the adderall shortage makes it harder to remember what they are let alone keep from dropping them, and at this point even my to-do lists have lists which got so out of control that i stopped even keeping lists but also i’m so tired every day that i’m lucky if i get a single thing done and if i don’t set alarms then i depression-sleep for fourteen hours because oh yeah my adderall was also the only thing that helped my bipolar meds work all the way so i’m crying and thinking about everything that makes me sad 24/7 while i try to keep juggling

#...so if i owe you a reply that would be why #also i need to review the enola holmes sequel and write a huge disenchanted rant (watched that one last night) #but i don't know when i'll have the energy #today at least i did get some things done--returned stuff to a store and got my flu shot and covid booster #...i was actually out to return things and get my adderall but at least those vaccinations were also on my general to-do list #it's just a lot less stuff than i NEED to be doing #and so much of it comes down to the fact that i sleep a lot i wake up i feel so tired it's like i didn't sleep #and then i just spend the whole day waiting to go back to bed #and under those conditions it's really hard to accomplish anything else #but i genuinely can't tell how much of my exhaustion is depression-based #and how much is physical because i've felt under the weather and had weird symptoms in one way or another since the summer #and at this point it's like...my doctor brushed me off when i tried to get help in the summer so i waited like she advised #for things to improve on their own #and they haven't but i'm so tired physically and emotionally and psychologically that i can't say i have any more self-advocacy fight in me #like it's obviously bad that the alternative is me continuing to feel like i'm maybe slowly wasting away and just letting it happen #but depression makes it pretty hard to care #randomness #mental health #depression #bipolar disorder #adhd #life stuff #health #/tag abuse

[epersonae]

I was flipping through Ryn's copy of Devotions, the selected poems of Mary Oliver, looking for a poem for an ask that @emi--rose sent me, and after I found a poem and wrote the response, I was flipping through the book some more and found a page where the corner had been folded down. And I thought: I know this poem.

So.

The photo above.

It's a display case from the hospital, I don't remember anymore what else was in it, but I do remember taking this photo, and when Emi reblogged that post about grief in the internet age, and added screenshots of DMs with Ryn, I looked at my DMs. I sent Ryn this photo on August 22, 2021, while they were sedated and intubated, with the text Ily/I miss you on the assumption that they'd read it soon, and not knowing that they'd marked this same poem in the book I gave them, and not knowing that they'd never get my message.

#This is all fine #Fun fact: I share a birthday with Mary Oliver #Ryn and I named our series from a line from a Mary Oliver poem #There's just a lot and I'm tired and I would like things to be less piled with meaning for a little bit #not all exits are made equal

[altair214]

Okay I think I’m at a point where I can continue writing tomorrow and get a lot more done, and with any luck, finish it sometime in the next few days and post it

#and hopefully people like it #then after i post this #i'm going to draw another moth #this time orpheus #hopefully i'll get all these things done this week so i can focus on getting all my shit together for college #i have so many things to do #so so many things to do #i'm not actually stressed about it though #i mean anymore stressed than anyone about to turn their life upsidedown would be #much less stressed than that #i'm rambling #i really should just go to bed #i am very tired #i'm excited for lots of things though #writing thoughts

[jusiri]

Guess who feels like shit again 🙃

#I'm so fucking tired #It's so much all the time #Feels like every time one thing gets a little bit better everything else get a whole lot worse #I'm tired of seeing shitty news about shitty people in shitty places #I hate feeling like my only options are kill myself working a job i hate #Or kill myself going to school to try to get a slightly less miserable job with barely any more pay #And neither option does anything about the fact that I'm so fucking tired all the time #How can I get anything to be better when I can't even stay awake half the time #And even if all that got solved there's still so much else #It sucks i hate it God i just wish it all would stop #Dont mind my rant #Im fine #Just tired #vent

[snallavanta]

kinda ironic how i studied communication, yet suck at doing it in real life

#idk #i read somewhere about someone else's experience & it resonated so well with me #they said how they rarely speak their mind because they like to have a full overview of the topic at hand #so they can have a full thought analysis on the topic before speaking about it #and it really related to me #except i find that i rarely come to that speaking my thoughts part because by the time it reaches that stage #i feel like i don't have anything else to offer to the conversation #if i feel like you're right then i won't bother presenting my argument #and maybe this comes off as uncommunicative a lot of the times #and idk as someone who always gets judged by what they say #i feel like it's becoming worse because the judgement & criticism just keeps piling onto one another #and ok maybe these criticism could be beneficial but idk people could still say them in a more motivational way y'know? #i don't mind being criticised if it's constructive #but sometimes it just hurts #sorry to trauma dump but i'm not having it rn #most of the time but especially now i feel like i can relate to simon so much #how simon dealt with the video then sara's betrayal is literally how i would cope with it #and idk it makes me feel less alone that other people deal with things the same way as i do #even if it may not be the best way to deal with it #i'm so tired #i wished someone would understand me in my way y'know #it would be very nice to have someone to talk to rn #why am i single & lonely #it's the worse combination fr #i am alone AND i have no friends 😐 seriously how pathetic is that

[nobutseriouslywhat]

Look I hate conservatives just as much as the next guy but I'm deeply uncomfortable with the "you can't reason with them they aren't even people" rhetoric that's really popular on this website. Anyone can be rehabilitated. That doesn't mean everyone will, but anyone can be.

#*distressed porg noises* #yeah really not a fan of the rise of. i guess i'd call it moral calvinism? the idea that like there are Good People and Bad People #and we just have to get rid of the Bad People in order to make our utopia #really shouldn't the goal be to remove people who would cause harm from the position to cause that harm? #if it takes violence to remove them from that position.... then that's just what it takes #but the whole ''you can't reason with them you just have to kill them'' mentality is. not encouraging! #maybe it's just because i was raised conservative. don't take that as me saying i have any kind of loyalty to that side bc that's not it #what i mean is that being raised on ''there are Good People and Bad People and we need to get rid of the Bad People'' #then growing a community with the people i had been raised to believe were ''Bad People'' only for years later many of that same community #to then have those same people turn around and say ''no we need to get rid of the Bad People but it's different this time i swear'' #makes it difficult to believe in the whole thing #i'm oversimplifying of course but i am tired. of. everything #and because no one really reads these i guess i can say here #that the whole ''they never really change they're not even human they can't be rehabilitated'' mentality that i see a lot here #is what drives a Lot of my suicidal thoughts. because i know what i've been and i'm not proud of it #hell scroll back on this blog enough and you'll see the evidence. not that i would encourage that #but sometimes i do wonder how many of you would be secretly glad that there's one less of me in the world

[kalicocoa]

Do you ever get caught up in thinking about the people who don’t like you and what kind of bullshit and lies they’re probably spreading about you as a result?

I know it’s not healthy to dwell on, but I find myself thinking about that at least once a day.

#Calico Chats #I've met a lot of unsavory people in my life. Some that hate me for reasons I don't understand or reasons that are obvious. #And really I know they shouldn't be living rent free in my head but I do think a lot about how those people like?? #Wouldn't have me in their negative thoughts if they just didn't meet me #I don't really care for 'if that would make them happy' or anything (most of these people turned out to be bigots) but like #I do wonder if they would have blissfully continued to like me or think of me as something less then 'I hate that person for existing' #It's heavy thoughts but really I do stay awake at night thinking about how my existence is resented by people who I'll never know #Because I care about human rights. Because my skin is dark. Because I'm queer. Because I'm disabled. Because I tell the truth. #It's odd. It's really odd that human beings have to live knowing that they're hated severely for things that are just human. #Aren't we all tired yet? Aren't we tired of pretending this feels okay and that we'll just deal?? #I know I am.

[shopcat]

seeing a lot of posts about this so my two cents ☝️ i think there is a difference between thinking a fandom is annoying which is true for every fandom vs not wanting to be personally involved with the fandom despite being a fan because they are by majority weird people you don't want to be around or find reprehensible in some way. like it's the same thought being built off and yeah the second one is a bit more holier than thou maybe morally righteous but the first usually comes with "so i don't like it at all anymore" and the second is "so i just have my own space to talk about/share it/etc and try to distance myself to whatever level but generally don't care what other people think if i like it" ... doubly so with bigger fandoms. and most of us all do the second anyway just naturally and it's not a big thing so. about 95% of my mutuals would never say they are In A Fandom at all not that it's inherently wrong to say or whatever but like people just like things. who cares.

#🐾 #i feel like i spend a lot of time talking about this topic LOL... i guess it's interesting for my mind to dissect #i think fandom as a subject is interesting i guess like the way the wheels tend to turn but i've never liked a good amount of them #with a couple exceptions like there's freaks who like gravfalls for example but they're few these days #whereas like pre boycott the biggest reason i stopped liking st was bc even though i WAS in my own space i couldn't handle being around so #many horrible genuinelt disgusting people who had no morals or values. even if i was nothing like them and apart from them and denounced #them it just got incredibly tiring and mentally fatiguing and brushing shoulders with them from a distance turned my stomach #and i feel generally the same way Now with the state of the our flag fanbase as ANOTHER example #and am stepping away from all that for my own ... brain. or i'll kill myself to be honest #like i dunno i don't care if ppl find something i like lame or annoying i actually truly could care less but individuals making up a whole #being just the worst people imaginable is something i can't feel comfortable being in like. #close quarters with. they're over there and i'm over here. SAME AS IT EVER WAS ... #to be fair to that though i am obviously still a moral ocd warrior who is LOSING the fight often but it's okay. i doing my best #also this whole thing is reminding me how when ppl would call me a st blog id get offended 😭 even though i essentially was #like i wanted outsiders to think i was a normal personal blog but i also would have rather died than people not realise it was my spin #i miss being that crazy but it's okay. Time flows onwards

[symbioticsimplicity]

You know, I'm always wondering why I can't stop clenching my jaw. It hurts, and I'm constantly reminding myself to stop, but even in my sleep I can't seem to manage it. But then I do things like crush the cockroach climbing up my leg while I'm laying in bed and I'm like "Oh yeah that's right." Its more of a wonder that I haven't broken *more* of my teeth.

#vent post #hi I'm really fucking stressed #also im lowkey living someone's worst nightmare #but I'm too goddamn tired and dissociative to care much anymore??? #cockroach on my person in bed?? #yeah thats the third time this month this apartment just be like that #pulling a huge chunk of broken tooth out of my mouth?? #honestly it kinda feel better now without it stabbing me I'm sure itll get infected less too #eat once a day at best??? sure its not like I'm working a physically intensive job #that requires a lot more calories than I would normally eat #(spoiler alert I am) #chronic pain made significantly worse by said job?? #well good thing I've got a crazy pain tolerance and tendency to dissociate!! #its not like constant high grade physical pain is considered torture! #and if that pairs with sleeping like shit because of the aforementioned roaches??? #ah who cares its not like I need more than three to five hours anyhow!! #at this point I honestly think I could deal with a saw trap without much of a fuck given #and thats ought to be alarming but I cant feeeeeeeeeeel 🙃 #personal #sam speaks

[tizeline]

Some snippets into Donnie's relationship to his brothers in the Separated AU

So after having figured out that Donnie is in fact their Long Lost Brother, the Drax Trio obviously want him back, and while Donnie is initially excited to find out that he has a bunch of siblings, he's less excited to find out that they're a bit, uh, evil. And they keep insulting April!! How dare they!!! Not to mention, he already has a dad, he doesn't need a new one! So no, Donnie isn't planning on just leaving his current family behind for this new one, and his brothers react to this in various different ways.

As much as Mikey wants Donnie back, Dr. Feelings understands that this is quite the adjustment for Donnie and that he may need some time to come to terms with the fact that he actually belongs with them and not with the humans. Mikey doesn't wanna force his brother to reunite with them, so instead he tries to convince Donnie to come home willingly through various ways. I mentioned this in an earlier post, but AU Mikey is essentially trying to give Donnie a redemption arc like Canon Mikey did with Draxum

Raph, however, sees Donnie and immedietly goes full Protective Big Brother Mode. He thinks the best course of action is to "forcefully rescue" (kidnap) him and and then convince him to stay and be apart of their family. He's can't help catastrophizing about all the way his baby brother is definitely being mistreated by Lou Jitsu and April and all the other evil humans oh NO they have to SAVE HIM!! The only reason he doesn't is because no one else in the Draxum family thinks it's a good idea

And then Leo. I'll go more into detail about Leo's character in this AU at a later dat cuz hhhhhhh but basically, he's still dealing with pretty intense Middle Child Syndrome and the LAST thing he need is another middle child joining the family! Why are all his family members so obsessed with getting Donnie back anyway? He's already clearly chosen the human side so why waste their time on him! .....Now that's not entirely the whole truth, he's kinda ecstatic when he first meets Donnie, except Donnie doesn't seem to care about them any, which... ouch.

Another way to describe their dynamic would be similar to their canon dynamic, a lot of friendly bickering.... except they don't really know each other and are also enemies here so like.... UNfriendly bickering.... which is just bickering lol. They fight a lot, is what I'm getting at.

Anyway you know the family dinner scene with Draxum in season 2 of the show? Yeah, Mikey tries that tactic here too. Like I said, Mikey wants to be patient with Donnie, but he does eventually get a bit tired of Donnie acting so hostile all the time so he starts organizing hangouts for the four of them (attendence is mandatory!)

And poor Donnie, this whole situation is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for him, as you might imagine. Reuniting with your secret lost family is fun for all of five seconds before you find out that they're actually kinda messed up uh oh. A big reason why Donnie acts so hostile towards his brothers is because it's easier for him to just dismiss them as mere enemies that he feels no attatchment to. He's basically being made to pick between this new family and his old one is Not Fun.

#Tiz Sep AU #tizel art #tizel talk #digital art #illustration #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt fanart #rottmnt au #donatello #rottmnt donnie #leonardo #rottmnt leo #raphael #rottmnt raph #michelangelo #rottmnt mikey