#Wait why is this still getting attention

[hopskip-andajump]

My dad dragged me to one of his committee meetings and instead of taking notes like I was supposed to I doodled for the entire 3 hours :3

#adhd creature #adhd #autism creature #doatk #Art #doodle #:3 #honk shoo mimimimi #goodnight tumblr #Wait why is this still getting attention

[wrylu]

idk why i'm so moody these days but i find my despair funny

aka my average day as of now

#1. impulsive silly thoughts #2. STOP FORGETTING TO EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!1 please :3 (note for myself me myself and i) #3. i get sad 🥱 #4. tired #(tumblr deleted half of my tags. isnt that nice though you wont have to listen to my essay of vents nobody wanted to hear that) #vent art #wrylu #lu's canvas #negative thoughts below :) have some flowers 💐 #sometimes i feel like i should get up more and spend time with my family i miss how it used to be #but you know what i suck and im practically glued to my chair and im lazy like if i was one of the 7 deadly sins i would be sloth #im surprised im not dead yet #this is purely for myself to speak my poor mind #no i actually hate this #i wanna die #i wish i was dead #not really #but still #i wish time just stopped so i can re evaluate my life #and whoa damn dysphoria makes an appearance ever #i wish i had a schlong (funny) #this is awful #sometimes i feel manipulative like i switch my emotions and personalities so hard #am i manipulating you guys?? #i feel like im being sad for attention #ugh i hate that the internet is my comfort #thats bad isnt it #i feel like an attention seeker #why am i even writing this 🥱🥱 #i cant wait to fall asleep forever

[sunmoontruth-stiles]

I need a completely rewritten teen wolf series with Derek Hale as the main character. I think it would heal me.

#we follow Derek from New York. Laura left for beacon hills. it’s been six years since he was back but he hasn’t heard from her #and hes going stir crazy waiting. he packs up and travels back. it’s almost too much immediately. he still can’t get a hold of Laura #he can’t resist going home. it’s like a natural pull that guides him back. all at once he’s 16 again. staring at the wreckage of his life #deputy stilinski is sherrif now. it’s reassuring in the slightest that the police force seems to have moved on from how corrupt it was #he catches her scent and it’s putrid. bile catches in his throat. he seeks it out. still in denial to what he knows it means. #when he finds Laura it’s like the world ends all over again. he can’t stand to see her like this. he gives her a proper burial. #the best he can do at least #he visits Peter. he’s not the man Derek remembers- so full of fire and cunning. their relationship may have been strained at times. #often Derek felt more like Eve being swayed by the snake than a normal friendship #but this isn’t the sharp tongued uncle who guided him. this is a broken shell. all that remained of his family. he was so lost. #22 but he barely knew how to function without his family- his pack paving the way #Laura handled everything. she got the apartment. she made sure they had food. Derek looks back and feels so useless #he was so lost in his grief. Laura must of felt the same way but she never let them drown in it #she made sure he got his GED. even got him to enroll in community college classes. #he took them online. he never was able to warm up to people the same way. he used to be so full of life. now he just wanted to be left alone #he studied English. never finished his degree. doesn’t look like he ever will now. he can’t go back to Laura and his shared home. #can’t bare to see another shell of a home #he vents to the vacant audience of Peter and his cold fixed eyes #Derek leaves. he wants to promise he’ll return soon #but promises feel costly these days #he decides to go back to the reserve. maybe he can find some clue as to what happened to Laura #someone lured her here. someone who knew them and their history here #his mind went to the worst. Kate. why would she go through the trouble six years later. why wait so long. #Derek couldn’t stomach the thought of facing her. he focused on the woods. the scents were all over the place. #clearly multiple people had been through here recently. two scents were much stronger. Derek follows them #but when he hears the crunch of leaves he realizes why the scents are so strong. they’re still here #he ducks behind some trees. listening in on their conversation. but an echo of their scent catches his attention #he spots an inhaler on the ground. he puts two and two together and swipes it from the leaves. #he comes out once they’re closer. tossing over the inhaler- he figures they’ll leave. dumb kids messing around in the woods #he reminds them this is private property. though that may not be true anymore. he recognizes the scent of a new beta. interesting.

[wangxian-the-zhijis]

The Untamed ep. 32 & 50

Please don’t prioritize your sibling over me

#not sure if u guys will like the caption but it’s what i thought of 😭 #alsoooo now that im thinking abt it #jyl’s death really sucked #cuz first of all jc and wwx cud have just flew to get closer to her #EVERYONE WAS FLYING AROUND AND KILLING PEOPLE BUT WWX AND JC SUDDENLY CANNOT FLY?! #but instead they chose to use 99% of their time to yell at each other first #and second of all why did jc just cradle jyl in her arms? why didnt he seek medical attention right away? was he waiting for wwx? for what? #jyl wouldnt have died if wwx didnt come closer to them and if jc immediately carried her somewhere safe and sought nedical attention #meanwhile in lan zhan’s case #lxc WOULD HAVE REALLY DIED (had jgy not loved him) but wwx still held lwj back #they really just waited for jgy to push lxc away as if they knew what was gonna happen #had jgy not pushed lxc im sure lwj would also push wwx away to get to his brother #and ahm… i dunno tell jgy to fuck off and then yeet his brother out of the temple #the untamed #cql #lan wangji #lan zhan #wei wuxian #wei ying #wangxian #my gifs

[thebirdandhersong]

.

#God if he's not an option WHY is he the only boy ive ever met who is this emotionally intelligent and mature and God-fearing #and not afraid of vulnerability and has such strong principles that he just straight up says No i will not when he knows he should not #and the only guy who's ever been able to tell when i'm sad when i'm trying to hide it (and is able to read me surprisingly well) #and who is gentle and humble and wants children and genuinely wants to prioritize his future family #and the only guy who i know and can trust is both a servant-hearted and honourable leader AND a attentive and compassionate listener #and who does SO MUCH for everyone in the background and never asks for applause or praise #AND is the only guy i'm this comfortable around (this is a FIRST) and can talk to for hours. why!!!!!!!! #why must he check all the boxes!!!! #also why must he have such beautiful eyes. they are GORGEOUS. #obnoxiously beautiful blue eyes that are just. very focused and gentle and tender. yes i also hate that i notice this #anyway literally HOW many times have i prayed the liturgy for the death of a dream from every moment holy this year. HOW MANY TIMES #i KNOWWWW it will never happen i KNOW this and yet!!!!! it's like i wake up and agonize over it all over again #why must he be like one of the loveliest people i know!!! why must it be like this!!!! #edit: i KNOW amazing men are allowed to exist and not be attracted to me lollllll but still i am trying to get the sadness out of my chest #as irrational as it may be at times #the waiting room chapter

[iceeericeee]

I wonder how many tags i can add on to this

#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30? #idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo #this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed #the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do. #i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg #but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count? #I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or #something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who #thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding #very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting #absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is #basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post. #why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags* #it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows. #where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since #i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li #type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to #be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell #'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one. #this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer #anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can. #which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi #whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23 #except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang #i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue #i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan #to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone. #thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really... #...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though #would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y

[vaniliens]

I keep forgetting about how people actually use pronouns for me instead of just referring to me by name. Like sometimes id get she/her'd or they/them'd and it always feels so trippy because i have never been called that in my head!!!! Its always just been 'Dude' 'You' 'Man' 'Me' 'Girl' and 'He' but idk. I feel like id get tripped out if i start going by he/him too.

#If you're wondering what pronouns to use for me; Um. I unno. Do whatever. #this isn't a huge deal or anything im just not used to being noticed #Unless its by maprron hi maprron <333 Sorry i havent been active much 😭 #nillas #i feel like id be DOUBLY confused if i get he/himd because ive only seen someone do it once but that was years ago 💔 #Like with She/Her id understand because i am a girl. thing . and my profile picture and stuff are usually girls (See: My Blog.) #and with they/them id also get it because youre probably just not sure about my pronouns or smth #he/him... yeah.... but id be flattered depending on the mood and if i remember I have pronouns that day #Idk!!! Why is this so confusing !!! I NEED IRON IN MY BLOOD!!! #ok wait honestly. I get weirded out about my name too. But again i think its just because im not used to attention. #i used to let people call me my real name online but the Nia and Vanillas was more popular also it feels weird now #you dont know me irl!!! #thats a name exclusively used for irl contexts!!!! Not online!!!!! #also someone called me 'Menzu' once back when i was still masquerading as Menzu_kosui on Insta shsvhsvjs #IT CAUGHT ME SO OFF GUARD LIKE I KNOWWW I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OTHER NAMES THERE BUT ITS JUST A FANCIER WAY #OF SAYING ''MENS'' AND I GOT SO CONFUSED!! I love that person though I get it 😭 ty for that it stunned me but i Laugh #about it everytime it crosses my mind

[heroes-never-discourse]

hi i'm not dead

y'know what's worse than tumblr discourse? tiktok discourse. something about hearing someone say the most ridiculous, anti-critical thinking shit possible with their own voice and their own face is just ten thousand times worse than reading it.

anyway, how've things been around here? i miss tumblr, even if a discourse detox definitely makes like just a little bit better.

#talk discourse to me #was talking to b-non and mentioned HND and got hit with the urge to log on lmfao #i dunno who's still around and who jettisoned off to other socmeds #the tiktok discourse really is killing me though #i try to block it because it just irritates the shit out of me #but it's always there on my fyp #waiting to catch me off guard #also i keep getting jumpscared by k/ance edits #and ifykyk #my living nightmare #i need to delete tiktok already its bad for my already deteriorating attention span #and everyone else on it #anyway its 3am that's why i'm rambling lmfao #hmu tell me the goss lmk what's been going on

[floral-hex]

So this chick has been on-and-off again stalking me since high school. I could go into paragraphs of detail (I was about to), but no one wants to read all of that. Suffice to say, I guess she’s had some kind of crush on me for about 15-20 years or so (why??), and every few years it seems she pops up somewhere contacting me to try to persuade me to give her a chance. I should mention we never talked in high school, I actively avoided her, told her I didn’t like her, etc. nothing doing.

Anyway, somehow she’s been on one of my social media pages and saw I was having a hard time lately, so she found my phone number (what?? I hate that you can just find that online) and texted me out of the blue yesterday. Usual protocol is ignore and block so I don’t piss off an unstable person, but they decided to be gross, so

I wasn’t planning on posting anything about this before. If they were creeping around on my pages, mentioning it would only feed into them. Maybe. I don’t know. But this just kind of made me really uncomfortable and their response was shitty. I could have been a lot meaner. I wanted to be. But whatever, that wouldn’t have helped. So I just blocked them and hope that this time it sticks. If they see this, then hey… not cool.

#and then I post this for what? attention? #I dunno… this just made me feel really shitty #like… you can’t just leave me alone? #you know I’m having a rough go at it and you think this is the perfect time to insert yourself into my life? #I don’t care about your puss! #I really really have to reiterate I have never ever had a real conversation with this person #we’ve never talked or hung out and I always avoided them #god this is such high school bullshit. I’m in my fucking 30s. I don’t need this teenage drama. #and I want to imagine all this as just someone who never grew up buuut… #they found my phone number. they went looking for my personal information. they’ve been stalking at least one of my social media pages. #probably twitter but who knows maybe here too #this is like… 15-20 years of this. why? why are you still obsessed with this? #and maybe these texts don’t seem so bad but I’ve had to block them on Facebook too #and that was after my ex and I broke up a few years back #it’s like she waits until my life gets extra shitty and then tries to convince me that we’re old friends & she wants to date finally #fuckin… just… not really cool ya know. damn. #stalker lady… I am not worth all this pining. just move on. #lol but I have been saying “my puss is so wet right now’ to myself all day so that’s a positive #anyway… sorry to post this bullshit. just wanted to vent. #sorry if you read all of this #text

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[femslashspuffy]

I'm already getting confused reading atsv as angel the series or angel the slayer vampire it's gonna be so terrible when we get beyond the spiderverse... btsv??? That is so nearly the btvs tag

I mean the only solution is to just put buffy in spiderman. It must be done

#rehks rants #this is Andrew wells ass talk but still #ats #btvs #this is gonna fuck up dislexic people and people who don't pay attention <- me #I already misspell tags all the time don't do this to me #why does spiderverse have to be two letters #ats would fuck us up rn but bts... #ok wait I get it that would also be a nightmare

[loregoddess]

Capcom calling AA4-6 Apollo's Trilogy is uh, certainly a decision they made that I have very mixed feelings on

#AA4's loose ends never get tied up or resolved #I've been waiting YEARS to see the Gavin family skeleton closet cleaned out and have nothing #Also Does Athena Not Matter Enough Or? #listen sorry I love Apollo and I love AA4 but AA5 and 6 are their own separate things from AA4 that's not #that's not a trilogy #the kids still don't even know they're related yet #Klavier slowly vanished into the background with his 594584059823 unresolved personal issues #AA4 feels like DGS if DGS2 was never released #or the original trilogy if Edgeworth just fucking vanished and Franziska never existed #I don't even dislike AA5 or 6 it's just...they're Not the best way to continue AA4's story arcs #like I'm glad Capcom finally decided to pay attention to the AA series outside of the OT but they're still...Capcom #I don't even know why I'm surprised this really is the Most Capcom Thing Capcom could've done #oracle of lore

[tyhi]

fucking scrub canceled on me

i thought he would be like fun enough to just hang out with and play pool but this kid(hes older than me probably? not sure) does just not have his shit together enough even for just that

#like no shade but u cannot handle me #my stuff #hes like oh im still waiting for my wages ❤️‍🩹 yes my poor little meow meow why u making plans when u know ur pay isnt reliable coming in #like On The Dot #just make plans w me next week or something. a couple days later. #like. u cancel on my autistic ass im .... #for HWAT. #? #why did u do this #(hes not reading this. and he did it bc he likes me nd wants to see me nd thats fine or whatever) #(im just sad to know he is probably not a good fit for me even as a friend atp in my life...) #((god is that what im like now lmfao)) #{this bitch getting old god bless} #besides if i had paid attention i wouldve noticed the signs.. it was already delayed when we made the plans like yesterday and i missed tht #i guess this is my lesson #humbled

[zeussim]

I used to bar my door with a chair to prevent my mom barging in and yelling at me when I'd left dinner before I was allowed to (often because of an argument). And I was like 'this is normal. This is what parents are like.' No it's fucking not. Or at least they're not supposed to be like that.

#the chair would only make her angrier #and she would force me to come down and i would sit there stonefaced #because if I cried they would blame it on my sensitivity #it happened from I was 9-14 #she mellowed when she discovered I had depression and suicidal thoughts #if she had shown remorse of any kind i might've been able to forgive her #but instead as soon as she could she told everybody she knew I was depressed #so she could get their sympathy #if she has the opportunity she'll talk about how hard it was waiting for me while I was seeing a therapist #turning all attention to herself #yes I understand she partly does it because of the way my dad have treated her but it still doesn't excuse anything #all the times she would yell at me as a child #i remember being 5 and probs having a tantrum and I couldn't stop crying because she kept yelling at me #and she yelled STOP CRYING and I didn't know what to do because I couldn't so I stuttered that I couldn't stop crying #Ive always had to put her feelings before my own it's such an asymmetrical relationship #she can say what she likes I'm not allowed to be angry but I cant say anything or she will guilt or scold me #like just asking her to clean her knives properly and I get the BUT I'm a VICTIM speech #she always sees herself as a victim and even though I understand why it doesn't mean I have to forgive #nonsims #tw trauma #tw depression #im still undoing my parents' brainwashing tbh

[asakamasanobu]

can nakamura please bring back ritsu’s father issues …….. please i’m asking for a friend

#i miss his daddy issues so much man like YES they are not central to his character compared to like #gestures at his whole high school mental illness and present day mental illness ….. yeah compared to whatever the fuck this is #but i think it’s also a vital part in shaping who he is and his struggles with self and why he wants to prove himself by his own accord ;w; #and more than anything i also think like it’s one of the plot lines that can be very important for ritsu’s growth once he !!!! confesses #once he confesses and they get together and there’s still so much more to him and sekakoi that has been set up and needs to be explored #first of all where is haitani …???? let’s dig the man up from whatever garbage dump nakamura threw him in and tie his arc back up nicely #and then i’m like absolutely Positive fujishiro’s arc is leading to a ricchan career breakthrough #like it Has to be bro the pacing is so slow and paying such key attention to him working with her i can really feel it coming #i want them to explore what it’ll be like for him !!!!! how his mental state will be and whether he’s able to take pride in his success #or if he is able to take pride at all knowing him #and then the other loose string is his father like bro onodera papa has been so sus this whole time #not in a bad sus but in a ‘i think this man knows more than he’s letting on’ kind of sus #ritsu’s daddy issues are so mild actually but i think it’s bc he’s too busy with fighting for his life most of the time #which is very fair and a very big mood LOL but there has got to be a time where like #this subplot of him being onodera shuppan heir will come bite him in the ass again #and i really really am dying to see how he would handle it #so miss nakamura i am standing at the foot of your bed …… menacingly ……. i am waiting

[devotedlystrangewizard]

me: haha im downloading destiny 2 again for lightfall

the destiny 2 fic thats still at like. february 2022. in terms of story progression. that i havent updated because i dont know enough about the story of the past few seasons to properly write them in:

#I HAD A PLOTLINE PLANNED #WHERE THE SCORN WOULD GET MORE AFFECTED BY THE DARKNESS & ALL #BUT I HAVENT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION #i think i might just watch the cutscenes of the past few seasons on youtube #bc i dont think?? i have the season passes?? for the past few seasons???? #& then wait out lightfall before planning out that storyline #i havent seen any story trailers or whatever so im completely in the dark lmao #hopefully lightfall will motivate me enough to work on tsbesg again i miss patch #i never meant for tsbesg to be completely canon compliant but i do want to follow the main story. just with the scorn present #they are my sillies #ill figure it out #i still have to write a chapter of them joining on the uh. the missions. back in the season that launched with witch queen #(was it risen i cant remember) #i have to write at LEAST one chapter of them just dicking around fighting lightbearer hive i think they would like that #why would patch have to kill ghosts when they have several friends who do it for fun. hm. #its kinda funny bc when i started the fic i ran out of material #i had to bullshit so much just for the seasons to catch up #ESPECIALLY during hunt #if i ever end up rewriting the earlier chapters one key thing is that i have to fix the timeline with the whole osiris thing #actually make everything line up more yk? #but yeah in the period between when i started (december... 2020? 2021?) and witch queen i started getting a little off track #my investment in destiny kinda dwindled once id finished witch queen #i was still really into the characters (yes i saw the cutscene of orisis waking up yes i cried) but the game itself just #and maybe it was my depression. honestly #like i started meds nearly 3 months AFTER wq #who knows. who the fuck knows. i NEED the fuckigngnfu leviathan scenes. i NEED patch to get to the leviathan i need crow to #reconcile with the scorn through his arc in that season (plot spoilers? eh. plot ideas) #im gonna go reread the most recent few chapters i need the refresher on where i stopped #ALSO. ALSO. worst case scenario i skip some less plot relevant more self indulgent scenes (like with the hive ghosts) #and put those in separate oneshots. 'takes place between chapter so & so'