#Zen from Mystic Messenger | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

natasha-in-space · 6 months

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Show & Tell

Zen/gn!reader/Unknown;

You are meant to play the part bestowed upon you. That is all the purpose you will ever need. At least, that's what you are supposed to think. But, even the best of actors can forget their lines. Except, the one overlooking your play is not very forgiving.

Based on Zen's 3rd Bad Story ending.

Content warnings for: non-consensual drug-use, and overall Unknown being a very creepy bastard.

"A long time ago, in a land far away, there lived a beautiful silver-haired knight, and a kind-hearted prince/ss. Everything was well in their kingdom, until the prince/ss realized that their court was nothing but a bunch of traitors to the crown... filled with dirty liars and hypocrites. The prince/ss thought their loyal knight would come and save them, that they would run away together. But... alas, that did not happen."

A hushed, breathy voice travels throughout the spacious room, echoing against the thick walls of your own personal playhouse, almost like a phantom haunting its opera house. Only the heavy sounds of large boots against the wooden stage serve as a reminder, that there was a very real narrator present in this room, telling his rousing tale to a gracious audience of none. Your vision is spinning, your body too weak to even hold your head up properly. You would have probably collapsed if not for the comfortably cushioned throne reserved just for you to sit upon.

Oh, how gracious your host was, providing you with everything you could possibly need for you to stay as relaxed and comfortable as you can be. All you need to do in return is to sit there like a disciplined prince/ss you are, and listen. Your thoughts are far too jumbled to make sense of it all, anyway.

Unknown will do so for you.

"-The prince/ss had no idea that their beloved knight was in the same team with all the horrible liars. God... our poor, poor prince/ss..." The voice purrs, suddenly just a few inches away from you, and you feel a cold slender finger caress your cheek lovingly. You lean into the cool touch, a welcome change for the ever-growing fever burning you up from the inside out. Your eagerness is not unnoticed by Unknown, who chuckles in what seems to be amusement, and walks away, much to your visible dismay. He never gives you what you want, however small it is. You wonder if he finds some sick sense of enjoyment in teasing you with a carrot on a string like that. He continues his story, not addressing your little whine of displeasure in any way. Which is probably for the better. He didn't like whiny brats, after all.

"It's a good thing that... the prince/ss had a guardian angel looking over them. Waiting for a chance to take them under his caring wing, and guide them to paradise."

A moment of deafening silence passes, almost as if Unknown had to think over his narrative for a good while before continuing. You never could understand what was going through that head of his. His expression is stoic, unreadable. Almost like he's not even fully there, just staring ahead without seeing a thing. Stuck in his own perverted fantasy, rather than facing the reality in front of him. It's almost unnerving to look at. Then, a harsh clap makes you twitch in your seat, a numb ache drilling into your temples from the loudness of it bashing against your already overstimulated senses. The man didn't seem to care for your discomfort, though, simply patting you on the head as if you were nothing but a plush toy.

"...How about it, party coordinator!? Hm? A beautiful story, no?"

You open your mouth to say something - anything - but, all that comes out is a single raspy breath, your thoughts tangling together into one blurred lump of obscure concepts, before you could latch onto even a single word for you to utter aloud. Unknown appears to be unaffected by your lack of a proper response, though. It's like he doesn't even see you as a human. Just an inanimate object to play around with.

His pretty doll to put on this twisted play with.

His footsteps grow farther away from you as he pulls away from you once again. Then, a gentle sound of a curtain being pulled back, the fabric tossed unceremoniously onto the stage and sliding off of it to crumple up somewhere beneath it. A beautiful decorations turned into a useless floor mop in a single move. A grim reminder that nothing in this room was truly valuable in its master's eyes. Including you.

You decide to look up towards the sound, your vision bleary as you stare ahead, trying to force your brain into actually processing what you see, instead of just letting it stay an unfocused blob of shapes and colors. Your cloudy gaze meets a similar one of a breathtaking ruby color. Like two spectacular jewels shining in brilliant stage lights, brighter than any of them, yet so dull and lifeless at the same time. Something pulls at your insides once you make eye contact with a beautiful silver-haired stranger sitting opposite from you. It's urging you to fight against the heavy fog filling your head like some higher power you have no control over. A name sits just on the tip of your tongue, yet so far away. It perches itself right in the middle of your throat like a lump of acidic bile, scratching painfully at your esophagus, suffocating you from the inside out. Demanding to be set free, yet warning you against it.

You... knew this person. From somewhere. You wonder... if maybe... just maybe-

"And, here's our noble knight!" You quickly redirect your attention back to Unknown, internally berating yourself for getting distracted from what's truly important here. His leather jacket is exposing his boney shoulder to you, a large intricate image of an eye boring straight into your soul. The symbol is a familiar one. But, in a different way. It leaves your skin prickling with a disgusting sensation of cold sweat dripping down your back. You suddenly start to feel nauseous for some reason.

...You look away from it.

Instead, your raise gaze eyes at Unknown's face. His mint eyes sparkle in blinding lights of the makeshift stage he has put up just for you. It's the complete opposite of the dull and unfocused look present in the Knight's stare. There is an almost childlike glee swimming in his irises while he looks between you and the Knight, as if he is pursuing your personal approval in this intricate game of make-believe. Yet, it does not feel innocent nor really happy in nature. His grin is a sadistic one. Callous. Heartless. Lacking of any true warmth and affection for you, no matter what friendly front he tries to put on in front you. It makes you gulp, a silent warning of danger lurking in those cold eyes that does not escape you, even through the thick fog filling your head. He has you trained well, after all.

So, despite your ever growing discomfort gripping at your guts, you make sure to play your role diligently. You smile, providing him with appreciation he wordlessly demands from his prince/ss. His wicked grin widens once he sees your positive reception, his chest puffing out in what looks like pride, as he now stands behind the Knight, placing his hands onto his shoulders. His posture is relaxed, yet you can see his long fingers digging into the Knight's shoulders with way more force than necessary. Through it all, his gaze never leaves you, not even for a second. It feels suffocating. Like he's searching for any sign of imperfection in your behavior, however small, eager to teach his favorite pet a new lesson.

You remain still.

"-Eventually, the Knight did come running for our prince/ss, but... he was too late."

A small, pained groan falls from the Knight's lips, his appearance rather disheveled despite the gorgeous attire he was dressed in to make him look dignified. There are dark rings imbedded into his skin under his eyes, even more noticeable due to the sick paleness of his otherwise flawless complexion. Blemishes and cuts peek out from just underneath the frilly costume. But, you know Unknown prefers his pretty Fairytale to the ugly Truth. So, you pay no mind to imperfections bleeding into your play.

Yet, something tugs at your heartstrings once again the moment the Knight looks on at you, his brows furrowing just a tiny bit as he takes you in. It was unclear if he was feeling confused or distressed. A sudden desire to reach out and cup his cheek unexpectedly fills your senses. A want bring him comfort. A wish to pull him close. A longing to utter the same name that has been gnawing at your throat like a vicious parasite for a good while now. If it wasn't for the fatigue weighing your limbs down in invisible heavy chains of pure steel, you would have probably tried to move towards him without a second thought.

As you grapple with your frazzled mind abruptly acting up against you, the Knight's silver hair was now being combed through and played with by Unknown. With a smirk playing on his chapped lips, he leans in to murmur into the Knight's ear: "Fortunately, there is a happy ending to this fairytale of yours, noble Knight. But, it is up to me to write it."

His words were hopeful, but they still sent a cold chill down your spine for some reason. A sentiment reciprocated by the Knight, judging by the way his hands clenched tightly where they rested on his throne's arm rest.

"N-No..."

His voice is quiet and raspy. Yours is very similar. It makes your breath hitch in the middle of your throat painfully, your body impulsively leaning towards the two men in front of you. An action not going unnoticed by Unknown, who raises a brow at you pointedly.

You take the hint.

...So, you return back to your place without a word.

"...No...? Oh, but that's not in the script, noble Knight! I thought you were a talented actor, are you not?" Unknown mocks, seemingly more amused than angry at the Knight's disobedience. He tightens his grip on the other man's chin and lifts his head up to make him look him directly in the eye. The Knight groans, probably because of the unpleasant feeling of vertigo caused by such harsh movements. You know Unknown doesn't care for his discomfort. Much like he doesn't care for yours. You are just glad that it's not you who's on the receiving end of his attention right now. He continues, his tone suddenly shifting from mocking to shockingly tender. The change is so quick, it almost gives you a whiplash. "Poor, poor Knight... Is your head hurting? Here, take the magic potion to make all your pain disappear... This one was specially manufactured by me. Just for you."

Unknown pulls out a familiar mint liquid shimmering inside a small flask, and you immediately look away from the scene, your entire face scrunching up at the mere sight of it, almost involuntarily. Just seeing that specific shade of mint brings back the bitter taste of pungent chemicals burning at your lips that you are painfully familiar with. You just stare ahead blankly, listening to the gruesome sounds of coughing, gagging and choking that soon follow. It's a grisly change from the soft-spoken narration that was filling the room just moments prior. What you focus on, though, is the quiet murmurs of encouragements Unknown was cooing to the Knight as the acrid liquid pours down his throat forcefully, burning anything it touches, without any mercy.

You couldn't understand Unknown. One moment he could be cruel, and the next he could be loving. Cold and indifferent, and then almost giddy with some twisted sense of excitement. With him in the room, you always feel like you are walking the thinnest of tightropes, just on the edge of plummeting down into the abyss filled with dozens of wolves hungry for your blood, and all it would take is just a single wrong move from you. Today, though, he seems to be in a rather good mood.

You don't know how happy you should be about that, though.

After the flask falls to the floor with a loud clatter, you look up and witness an eerie sight unfolding before you. Unknown's hands are now gripping the Knight's chin and wrist in a rather painful-looking grasp, forcing him into what he probably perceives as an honorable pose: with the Knight's head held high and one of his arms stretching out towards you. It looks rather disturbing, though, as you take note of the Knight's labored breaths and an ugly stain of mint against his pretty clothes. You can see him actively struggling not to throw up, his lips trembling, and his face even paler than it was before, twisted in an expression of agony that left your chest burning for a completely different reason than that same hazy fever weighing you down.

You were intimately familiar with that horrid experience. You stayed still for that exact reason. Not wanting to be on the receiving end of the Unknown's 'help' next. Maybe a bit cowardly of you, but you did not care.

"-C'mon! Act happy! You said your dream is to act until you die. That's what you said at your last punishment, is it not?"

Unknown is merciless towards the poor man, shaking him like a ragdoll and only making his already rather dizzy state even worse. Then, he looks up at you and jerks his head at you, indicating that he wants you to come over. You freeze, suddenly more uncomfortable than you've ever felt before. But, you know better than to resist. So, you listen. Pushing through the fatigue and pain screaming at you to stay still, you stand up from your throne slowly, and clumsily make your way over to the two men opposite from you, struggling not to trip over your own two feet, with how shaky they felt under you.

Unknown grins, looking at you with a glint of pride in his eyes. It almost makes up for the nausea and weakness you have to endure constantly. Almost. You do end up stumbling as you finally walk up to them, but Unknown graciously moves over to hold you up, his hands gripping your waist in a rather gentle hold for someone so brutal in his ways. It makes you want to lean against him, to let him support you when you can't stand. But... you know he won't do that. And, just as quickly as his hands grab you, they are suddenly gone.

And you realize that you are now seated on the Knight's lap.

The beautiful silver-haired man, now in such close proximity to you, was so close that you could make out each individual lash fluttering around his dangerously attractive eyes of scarlet hue. Though, now that you were able to stare at them that much closer, you could see tiny dots if mint mudding that pretty shade of red. You didn't like that. He seems to share your bewildered and enthralled state of mind, gazing down at you with a shocked expression that probably echoed your own.

The spell breaks once you hear Unknown's voice echoing against the walls around you, now circling you two like a hungry cat playing with its food. Even though you don't look back at him, you can still hear a smirk present in his voice as he begins to utter his next words to you in a gentle hiss flowing through the air. You wonder if that's how the jealous Serpent's words of corruption sounded to Eve, as it whispered its sweet deception into her ears with a false promise of greater knowledge. It makes you clutch onto the Knight's shirt tighter than would be considered appropriate, making his breath hitch at your touch.

"Now, this time, make sure to court your beloved prince/ss with true love they deserve. You owe them this much for all the ugly lies you poisoned them with." Unknown's voice is husky, almost quiet enough for you to miss it completely. Yet, for some strange reason, it fills your ears with such force that he might as well be yelling. You gaze up at the Knight, refusing to move a single muscle. There is some wordless understanding flickering between you two, one that you cannot recognize fully due to the hazy state of your mind. But, you can feel it. A timid ticklish sensation fluttering somewhere deep within your ribcage, like a butterfly that has just come out of its cocoon and doesn't have the strength to take flight just yet.

Then, a hand reaches for your cheek. You jolt, the tiniest of gasps escaping past your lips at the unexpected touch that leaves your skin tingling with an uncomfortable warmth that spreads down your neck and pools right in the center of your chest. And then, the Knight's face is just inches away from yours. His breaths are tickling the flush skin of your cheeks with gentle puffs of air. The feeling send your entire body buzzing with some strange energy you can't quite put your finger on. The footsteps circling around you immediately come to an abrupt stop, a heavy silence filling the room once more. If not for the deafening pounding of your heart almost rupturing your eardrums, that is.

"...I think... I've seen you somewhere before..."

The Knight's raspy voice is so close to you that it makes your head spin. You are now fully aware that you have heard that voice before. There is no doubt about it. Just not that dull and hoarse. It reawakens something buried deep within you. A flicker of common sense that got fizzled out by a certain slender boney hand. It sparkles to life, its timid flame burning brighter and brighter, fighting intensively and desperately against the drugged darkness of dissociation you were forcefully put in. Your breathing quickens, your hands begin to tremble where the clutch onto the Knight with their unsteady grip. They are fuzzy, very fuzzy, but you are sure you can remember some instances of you and the Knight sharing some precious moments together.

No... Not you and Knight... You know who this is. How could you not? You've grown so close to him in such a short amount of time. A dazzling actor with a heart so passionate for all that he does, it swept you off your feet.

-But, just as you open your mouth to finally utter the name that has been on the back of your mind this whole time, a cold hand suddenly grips your cheeks in a vice grip, and a deceivingly cheerful voice rings out right next to your ear, making you wince from the harsh loudness of it.

"...I'm your love! Your prince/ss! And you are my Knight."

You suppose this was Unknown's attempt to impersonate your voice. Or maybe it's a mockery. You couldn't really tell. Either way, it was a rather poor attempt for sure. You didn't know if you should feel offended or not. Do you seriously sound like that to him?

Maybe it shouldn't be surprising that he doesn't even see you as an equal. However, that reminder still hurts. In a peculiar surface-level way.

"...You are the prince/ss... I am the Knight..." Your attention is stolen away as the Knight repeats your lines that came from Unknown's lips, sounding like a lifeless robot attemting to poorly imitate human speech. It didn't sound like his voice at all. You frown and are not happy with it. You are not happy with it at all. Without thinking, you lean in, the grip of your hands on his shirt loosening ever so slightly as your lips just about brush against the damp skin of his cheek. That wasn't a kiss, really. You just had a hard time coordinating your movements, so, once you leaned in, your sense of balance was thrown off, and you ended up bumping against him innocently.

But, once you notice your mistake, you don't move away. You don't try to fix it. You don't try to go back to the script you were meant to play. You simply remain in that spot. Frozen. Holding in a breath as your wide eyes stare back into a pair of dull vermillion ones, just as astounded as yours are. Then, you see something change in them. A glimer of reason. Of humanity. Of some deep-rooted fondness for you that was now brought back to life, much like the one you felt simmer within you moments prior.

You feel a pair of large hands suddenly grip your shoulders, bringing you closer to the man in front of you, making your breath hitch. Until you are pressed flush against him, his chest against yours, and your nose tucked into the crook of his neck. It feels almost desperate - the way he holds you close to him. It's like he's trying to protect you from something. You feel him begin to tremble, his breaths short and quick as he shakes his head, his voice sounding so much more life-like now, but still so disoriented, it makes your heart ache.

"No... No. You... You- Y-Y/N...?"

There. The illusion shatters into pieces.

"Stop, stop-!"

You almost whimper and cover yourself as the harsh screech tears through your eardrums. The enticingly soft baritone of Unknown's narration was lost. Replaced by the grating and high-pitched shriek of rage that left you shaking from fear and wanting to run away as fast as you can. Yet, you remain frozen, not even shaking as you sit, stiff as a statue. It's like the fear paralyzed you. Your mind was running a hundred miles per minute, yet your body didn't move a single inch. It was a really uncomfortable feeling to grapple with. Almost like you were locked within your own body, unable to control it the way you were supposed to.

Then, you are harshly yanked back by the collar of your shirt and forced to stumble onto your legs, which quickly give out from under you this time around. It was already hard enough to keep your balance, but with the cold fear gripping your limbs, it was practically impossible. So, you tumbke down onto your knees, like a helpless doll, unable to stand upright without its master holding its strings. Your incompetence elicits an almost guttural growl from Unknown, who stares down at you with pure fury written all over his rather delicate features. It makes you want to shrivel up, crawl into the nearest hole, and die. He roughly pulls you back up, his fingers digging into your forearms rather painfully as he holds you up. Something that is clearly annoying him greatly, and he makes no effort to hide it.

Which is ironic, considering he's the reason you can't even stand straight in the first place.

"Looks like our prince/ss may need more training after all... What a waste." He spats out that last word with such contemt, you swore a part of you has died right then and there. "I guess it's back to the basement for you, party coordinator. I can't have you saying anything stupid on me, can I?"

Before you have any chance to protest, beg, or cry, you are pushed back onto your throne, left to wait for your inevitable punishment. The word 'basement' alone made you want to scream. It's like your body and mind have already learned what that word meant for you, pushing them to go into overdrive just from hearing it. Yet, you are still just as helpless. Trapped within your own weakened body and left at the mercy of Unknown.

As you sit there and grapple with your ever-growing panic, he turns his attention back to the Knight. Or, to be more precise, Zen. No need for any roles when the fairytale has already been sullied.

"You are not ready to be on stage yet." He mutters under his breath, one of his hands now gripping onto the other man's chin as he brings his face almost uncomfortably close, until he's mere inches away from him. You can't see the expression on his face as he has his back to you. But, Zen's eyes flick between you and Unknown, reflecting your fear. The feeling of powerlessness is almost suffocating. Not only can't you help yourself, but you also can't do a single thing for Zen as well. You are both just two dolls for Unknown to mold to his liking.

Or, rather, his Savior's liking.

"-Your eyes are lying."

Unknown's hiss is full of frustration and resentment. You are wondering why he has such a strong dislike for Zen. With you, he seems to be more annoyed at your inability to follow his wishes. Like a kid, irritated at his toy not working properly. But, with Zen? It's almost like he's actively shaping him into something else not out of his own personal twisted desire to do so, but because it's what he has been assigned to do. In other words, forced to.

You wince as you see Unknown's fingernail digging into the other man's skin, just beneath his eye. It's almost like he's holding himself back from actively gouging his eyes out right then and there. The mental image almost makes you want to throw up, frankly. And, the mere fact that you were actually considering such a gruesome thing as a very real possibility... it disturbed you.

"You will play the role you were given. It's only a matter of time. And, as for the prince/ss..." He looks back at you, his expression dark as he looks over you thoughtfully. His stare makes your skin crawl. "I'll take good care of them."

A cruel smile spreads over his face as he stands back from the poor actor. He extends his arms and circles you two once more. But, this time, his voice is loud and commanding. Each word seeping into your ears and digging into your psyche like a swarm of vicious leeches, eager to gobble up what little remained of your common sense.

"And then, we'll start our play again. From the very beginning. Over... and over... and over again. However long it takes. Time is not a problem when you're in Paradise!"

"Now... shall we begin?"

His cold hand gently caresses the side of your face as he stops just behind you. His touch is no longer providing you with any relief. It only heightens the feeling of dread enveloping you like a dense cloud of smoke.

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tom-failure · 4 months

Text

'Have you ever kissed a guy before me?'

'Yeah. I have.'

'What?! No way! You gotta tell me!'

'Eh, you're not gonna like it. It's a love story.'

'I want to know that about you. I want to know your love stories, too.'

'I can tell you, but it's just gonna make you sad.'

'Try me.'

'Okay, well… it was back when I'd just run away. I was fourteen, but told everyone I was sixteen. Wanted to seem cooler. This guy took a shine to me immediately. I mean, he did need a boy to run his errands, but you gotta admit he kept an eye out for me when no one would. Took me under his wing, taught me to survive on the street. He was nineteen or so, I think, at fourteen you really tend to see that as a seasoned adult. But he was actually seasoned, you know? Hardened by that life. I made a mistake. I fell in love with him. Saw sun play in his hair and the speckles in his eyes. That kinda shit.

We were getting drunk in his garage one night.

He asked me if I was a virgin.

I said yes. God knows why I wanted to be so honest with him.

He laughed. Then he asked if I wanted him to fix that for me.

I asked him, what, without even kissing first? Tried to play tough. Panicked a little, too.

Naïve.

Then he kissed me. Just like that. Properly, with tongue and all. And then said, well, now you have no excuse.

And I thought, he's right. I don't.'

'So…'

'Yeah.'

…

'Was it… good? No, sorry, that's…'

'Not really. It kinda hurt. Did nothing for me. I thought it would be… different. When you love somebody, isn't it supposed to be like heaven? I tried to learn to like it. Thought it was acquired taste. Never got used to it, to be honest. But, well… sometimes he kissed me during and after. That did something for me. I was stupid. I wanted it. Thought it made me hella grown-up. Thought it was worth it to bear it a few minutes, if it was for someone I loved. Really, I was so braindead, can you believe it? I don't know how I didn't catch anything… well, anything too serious anyway. But I say that often, don't I? That I lucked out. You, don't do that. The first rule, Yoosungie, is to always use protection. Take it from me, I oughta know.

Anyways. One night I saw him with that girl… she was one of the delinquents, like us. Like a year older than him, too. She would try to squish my cheeks whenever she saw me.

He was… kissing her. You know, with the ass grabbing, and the cheek cupping, all that… "romantic" stuff. Like in movies. I'd wanted that. I would beg for that. And even if I got that, it was always 'be quiet so no one hears', always sneaking around, at the back of his garage, at some nooks and crannies where no one would know. Nah, I knew why that was, I wasn't that stupid. I knew I could never be his prince on the roaring black horse. But still… where I had to beg and sneak, she was getting what I was working like hell for, right there, on the corner, for all to see. I think he even pressed her to the wall, and she even told him to stop, but he kept at it. And in my stupid head it was like: she doesn't have to ask, and she doesn't even want it, but she gets it, and I don't? How am I worse than her?

I waited for him by his garage. Don't think he was surprised to see me. I always followed him, like a duckling. He let me in. Thought he knew why I was there. And I made another mistake. I asked him, what was that all about? With that girl? I thought you weren't really into all that kissing business?

That's what he told me, you see. That it wasn't really his bag. That it's just girls that like it.

I'd never seen him that scary. I was still growing back then, about your height, I think. Maybe a little taller. He took that step at me, and I was looking him right here, he had a tattoo there, said something like 'Freedom without bounds'. I was a tough kid. Even if romantic. Looked up at him. Into his fuckin eyes.

He said, who do you think you are.

I said, I'm the guy you do right here twice a week give or take. Said, do that mean nothing to you. I thought we had something going on.

He laughed. Ugly.

Said, oh, is that what you thought, kiddo. Well, all that's going on is that so-and-so is my girlfriend. And you better get me some of that fancy new beer from the corner store first thing tomorrow. For me and my queen. I don't want to show up on my date all dishevelled.

Guess that was my first heartbreak. You know. So many firsts with him.

I was getting real mad. I said, well, what if I went and ran my mouth real loud about what you do when no one's looking?

And he laughed even louder, leaned in right here in my face, got spit all over me. Said, and what do you think they'll do? When a fresh piece of ass goes to them and tells them it's all nice and loose for them? Then got all serious and told me, get lost. If I see you again, will beat your nose in. Your mama and dada will have nothing to identify.

Kicked me in the stomach, picked me by the scruff, like a shitty cat, and threw me out.

That night… I found one of those back corners where he used to do me. I felt an awful lot like crying, but that just made me madder. I wanted to be a man, you know. To be strong. I just balled my fists and hit the wall. Time and time again. It got bloody real fast. Hurt. But I had to get it out of my system.

He never helped me again. But he'd already done all he could for me back then. Taught me to survive, the hard way. I stuck with other guys. Drifted from ones to others, then got accepted, got better at what they do.

And then kind of decided that was not the life. When I got someone caring for me.

And here I am.

…what?'

'That wasn't a love story.'

'I told you you wouldn't like it… aw shit, look at you, now I made you cry. Shit.'

'I don't get why you are so calm about it. You're supposed to be mad, why are you telling me this like it's okay? Like it's something that just… happens?'

'Because it does just happen, Yoosungie.'

'You… you were fourteen! You wanted to be kissed! Loved! And he… He…! For kisses… just for damn kisses…'

'Don't say it like that. Please. I was just stupid, I wanted it. I know it was fucked up. But it was all my fault. Please.'

'No it wasn't!'

'Yoosung…'

'It wasn't "your fault", you were fourteen, Zen, for god's sake! And you just talk about it like this, and call it a 'love story'?! The way he used you like a, a, a… a thing?! Like it's okay?!'

'It is okay. And if it's not… aw shit, no-no-no, I don't need that right now.

Shit. I knew it would end like this. C'me here.'

'Don't touch me. Stop making this all about me. It's about you! Why aren't you mad?! He used you, he just used your body without a care for what you wanted or liked, you know what that's called? Why the hell aren't you mad?!'

'No. He didn't. Stop. Stop. Stop. Shut up. Shut up.'

'Why aren't you mad?! You're supposed to be mad!'

'I don't need this right now.

I don't need this right now. I don't need this right now. I don't need this right now. I don't need. I don't need. Don't need…'

…

'Don't do that… please… I'm sorry. I made it all about me, I said all the wrong things… forgive me…'

'…'

'I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. So sorry. So sorry…'

'It's okay. I think… I wanted to tell you.'

'I did everything wrong… I wanted you to be able to be fully yourself with me… I wanted you to trust me. And look at how I reacted…'

'Well, and I didn't really hold my tongue either, did I? Maybe I was hoping you'd be that way. Maybe I needed someone to tell me just how fucked up it was.

You know… this isn't really the worst thing that's happened to me. But about that other stuff… I'm not sure I'll even be able to talk. Not yet.'

'You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.'

'I… I want to. I just can't. Yet.

I… want you to know all those things about me. I think you'll understand. Maybe you're the only one who can understand, really. Maybe you understand better than I do.'

'Zen…'

'…'

'I… I'll try to earn your trust. If you let me… I'll ask how bad it is beforehand… I'll be prepared…'

'No need. You know… I like you for the way you are. With all these opinions of yours. I told you. That way you see things, your outlook. I think… I need it. I need you the way you are. I need you to look at me and tell me what you think. Honestly, like you can.'

'I'll try. I promise.'

…

'I love you.'

#I'm So Normal about Zen's backstory #because I mean #it explains so much about him as a character and about his most godawful takes #I mean his whole entire fucked up stance on masculinity definitely comes from there #zensung #yoozen #mystic messenger #should I make a tag for mysmes?#it will probably be прівєт пострижися #i mean they shouldn't I love their tacky hairstyles #but I mean wouldn't it be simply just hilarious #прівєт пострижися #пойду туда бль #mysmes

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