#academic families are a very cool concept actually

[confused-stars]

haikaveh having their falling out while working on their first big scientific project together is the Sumeru equivalent of couples breaking up over wedding preparations

#genshin #haikaveh #academic families are a very cool concept actually #i imagine students from other nations joining the akademiya and getting adopted by full fledged scholars #they'll always have family in sumeru even after they return home

[marinecorvid]

2.21.23 (but actually drawn at least a month ago - and now posted 6.2.23) - some xy fic sketches. rambles beneath the cut

.

in my Great Fanfiction Rewrite of the (X)Y plot because it was sadly lacking in some places, Calem/Xavier kinda sorta joins Team Flare! To be honest this isn't my 100% original idea, I saw someone post once on here somewhere how cool it would've been if your rival, frustrated with constantly losing to you, joined Team Flare in desperation to beat you. I have taken this concept and am running with it. Xavier in my story Did Not take kindly to losing the Mega Ring to Yvonne: a rookie trainer, a girl, a girl who doesn't fall into his preconceived notions of what a young female trainer should be like, a girl he initially assumed he would be in a relationship with and he'd be the tough trainer in contrast to her contest abilities, someone from a poorer family from his. He gets uhh a little wild trying to prove his might makes right (deeply sheltered child who was never exposed to anything that would upset him syndrome)

In my head Y is the canon, but I'm doing a ramshackle combo into a tentative Z in which Yvonne and Yveltal fight Lysandre together, but also Xavier and Xerneas at some point and Zygarde is there too as a result of Team Flare managing to find BOTH legendaries (who in the anime were depicted as being right on top of each other) but only figuring out how to use Yveltal in the Ultimate Weapon. Xavier steals the Poke Flute and uses it to wake Xerneas (willingly or not - he's irrational, but IDK how down he'd be for the "destroy the world" plot, but Xerneas DEFINITELY uses ~fairy powers~ to fuck with his mind)

Yvonne has vitiligo! Dyes her hair blonde for the first halfish of the game, lets it grow out to its natural brown as a symbolic representation of not wanting to conform to certain beauty standards. She starts wearing very snazzy suits post-game, avoiding short sleeves and skirts

My HC is that Sycamore is her da! He and Grace were an item back in the day when Grace was in Kalos Rhyhorn racing, and she only realized she was pregnant when she'd already left. Sycamore didn't feel ready at all to be an active father, and Grace didn't feel any strong need to be in a relationship with him/have him be a part of Yvonne's life with a strong circle of friends and family who'd help with childrearing, so he stayed in Kalos and continued his work on evolution and Fairy Types in Kalos, every other month or so receiving an email of an update of Yvonne's life in progress. Eventually Grace's racing injuries/chronic pain is too debilitating to continue racing, and Sycamore offers his grandparents' cottage in the starting town. Yvonne knows her father is an academic/scientist in Kalos but doesn't know it's him, and doesn't want to know until she's more comfortable in the region. She DOES start to suspect though, but only confirms it mid/post-Geosenge crisis (haven't decided how long that's drawn out) in a hospital bed. Sycamore (after years of watching his daughter grow up from afar, and has become more invested in her life in the past few years) is delighted that she's willing have a familial connection

a lot of people draw Yveltal as a bird (super cool, no judgement) but it's very dragon-y to me with the hands/wings, kinda like how bat wings are just elongated fingers with skin between them. The logic of the tail eludes me though. It's Yvonne's buddy post game! As much as she does not want it to be her buddy! But when a super powerful ancient deity of death decides it wants to be your friend there's not a lot you can do to stop it. She warms up to it eventually. They have a fun time threatening Malva together

Korrina is a sports lesbian

Shauna slight redesign. She and Yvonne become an item around Laverre. In my story there's a cool Ren Faire-ish thing happening when they arrive and they both get a little tipsy and kiss and spend the evening running around in semi-accurate reenactment dresses giggling and dancing and giving each other wildflowers

Gogoat =)

#pokemon #xy #gen 6 #serena #yvonne #calem #xavier #yveltal #sketch #my art #this has been languishing in my drafts long enough

[atcordare]

What’s your opinion on diasomnia kalim ? 🎤

*proceeds shoves microphone onto your face *

Personally think he’ll be the only shining thing in the gothic castle of diasomnia

Nod nod nod I like your words magic man. Very long post about this down here!

The implied core for diasomnia students is that their academical forte is their magic (since they're normally fae) and that they keep an arms length even with the people closer to them- We see this in Malleus never being able to bond with people and having everyone leave him behind, in Silver believing that those in his family are actually people he owes a debt to, in Sebek's view of his loved ones as either his bosses/mentors or his coworkers, in Lilia never letting people know too much about his past, present or future. For Kalim, this is a very interesting concept, because it's not an angle you usually see people use, but I feel like it's very feasible.

Starting from the magic aspect, Kalim's UM makes it so that using water magic is extremely easy for him because it lowers the magic effort needed. I feel like a Diasomnia Kalim would do a similar thing from a different angle: it's not that his UM reduces the magical effort of water magic, it's just that his UM is water-adjacent and the magical effort he uses in general is severely reduced because his magic capacities are larger.

As for him keeping an arm's length at all times... I feel like this is already him. He let's himself be known enough so that people have a slight idea of his problems, but when asked to expand on it he refuses (one of the tap lines of his homescreen dorm uniform goes something like "Hey can I vent? Yea? Cool... (looks sad for a sec and then cheers up) SIKE I haven't had a problem ever", and in his alchemy lines there's one where he gets visibly sad when he's told off by the teacher but tries to play it off, and he only mentions his problems in contexts where the conversations aren't going to focus there and then keeps talking about something else), kind of like creating a mask with the right amount of problems to never be questioned. I don't think he even does this on purpose, since Kalim is not a mastermind, but I believe it's a coping mechanism. His background does support this: its a background that tells him 'hey you should never lower your guard too much around people or they might poison you or kidnap you lol!'

He did trust someone blindly though. To the point where he actively saw him betray him and use him and he left it alone. Because it was Just Jamil and Jamil Would Never. This does get a chance to change after chapter 4, though.

I don't know if it's been implied in any way during chapters 5, 6 or 7 that Kalim's trust in Jamil has been damaged in any way, but I think a Diasomnia Kalim might stem from this happening. He decides (or doesn't decide but his mind does anyway) to not fully trust Jamil again, and this, along with the other change we made on him back there, makes it that he's no longer fit for Scarabia (whoses inhabitants' defining traits seem to be the presence of a mask and (this has been stated ingame) forethinking), but for Diasomnia (he no longer has a mask but a wall, and uh Kalim has never been much of a forethinker anyway). He gets moved into his new dorm at the end of their winter vacations, when chapter 4 ends, and spends the second half of his second year and his third year in Diasomnia working on his magic and trying to cheer up the bunch of emos that have gotten thrown into his dorm.

#There's a kind of cold warmth to diasomnia that I think it's very defining of the dorm #I think it would be interesting seeing Kalim and this vibe fighting for dominance #Will Kalim bend and change or will the dorm cheer up and warm up #God knows #I liked answering this v much #:)

[nettlestingsoup]

steampunk jeongchan 👀 i am intrigued <3

yesss this is one i actually do want to write because the angst is good and it's a fun aesthetic! it was inspired by illicit affairs by taylor swift and it's set in a fantasy steampunk-esque world where essentially only the very wealthy can afford to attend the Artificier's Guild: an institution where they can learn to construct mechanical marvels and wonders. Only those who attend are even legally permitted to invent and make cool tech/gadgets at all because it's assumed that uneducated people (read: anyone poor) would just cause accidents and disasters if they tried.

chan, who comes one of the richer families of the city, has just graduated from the Guild and has decided to stay there as a teacher; he meets jeongin, a servant who essentially just brings the academics tea and serves champagne at their parties, when he catches him repairing a floating lantern he'd built for his brother out of scraps (the gas lamps are all out in their neighbourhood again, and jeongin doesn't want his brother walking home from school in the dark). rather than report him to the Guild, chan offers to teach him properly - since he can see that jeongin's really very talented - and jeongin starts sneaking up to his office for lessons when he can.

obviously feelings happen and the story is about them trying desperately to figure out whether they can be together despite the class divide, chan's awkward position of power over jeongin (if anyone found out about the two of them, jeongin would lose his job and most of his family's income immediately. chan would not.), and the arranged marriage chan's parents are trying to push him into.

i really, really want to write it, but i have three near-complete projects (the orchid, the red thread au, and lichtenberg) that i'm determined to finish first...

thank you for asking about this it's genuinely one of my favourite concepts i've ever come up with and i'd really love to actually write it!!! maybe next year? i hope? <3

#it's just vibey #i love steampunk and i love angst #they're always stealing time where they can but it's never quite as much as they want #the arranged marriage is to hyunjin but he doesn't really want it either #he has his own stuff going on too #stray kids fic #ao3 author #jeongchan

[mr-jaybird]

3

18 (you have an idea for this apparently)

21 - missing scene from choosing life 0–0

34 (bc it’s funny)

okay first off i love how 3 is just fucking huge here for no reason

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

definitely definitely complicated mother-child relationships. strong emphasis on chosen family. the hero learning that they have to be a person in addition to a tool.

not for all of them because it does take fic of a certain mood, but i do also like to explore fucked up sci-fi concepts

oh and also for some reason i am recurringly obsessed with media involving clones!

If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it involve?

okay i think you are referring to my zenith lis oneshot we collaborated on. assuming that's the case--it would be another rewrite of hfw, this one where lis lives but she's a zenith, and to begin with she's obsessed with capturing aloy, pretty much to the exception of all else. aloy meanwhile is completely heartbroken and trying like hell to stay our of lis's grasp while also saving the world. at some point...they'd be coming together...but i'll save more detail for it i ever actually write the thing!

i'd like to, but it would be a big project i would not start on until after CL concludes, which is uh....a ways away. i'm not a grimdark person but it would definitely be darker in tone than the relatively light CL

If you wrote a “missing scene” in [insert fic], what would it be?

okay so like my first instinct for this for CL would be beta's escape from the zeniths at eluethia. i'm genuinely tempted, except since she doesn't at that point know lis exists it would basically play out like canon. might add it to my list anyway though

one that would probably be more interesting and different from canon...fuck, absolutely tilda investigating aloy's focus and realizing lis is alive. definitely putting that one on my list

possibly i might write one of those over xmas break, when i'm too overwhelmed by family to do CL proper but have some spare time. no promises!

34. What aspects of your writing are inspired by/taken from your real life?

LMAO liv you knooooooow how much it's Lis Projection Hours over here

but to the extent that i am comfortable disclosing publicly:

i grew up gifted and tested into college level education at the age of 8, although thank god my parents did not accelerate my education, my social development suffered enough without it thanks. by the time i went to college after high school my experiences were....generally that of a research colleague rather than student and i was academically published and teaching classes by fall of my sophomore year of undergrad. i have recently been promoted into a top level position roughly 20 years too young in both age and work experience, which is very cool but also very lonely and fucking terrifying. i am also in charge of people many years older and more experienced than me and trying to figure out how to deal with it. i work as university faculty in public health as a data science programmer/clinical researcher and also sometimes program AI professionally. HFW came out just as this was happening and my brain saw elisabet sobeck and went OH YES HER THE BLORBO HERE IS UNDERSTANDING

also literally anything with writing the sobecks as autistic is based off my own autism LOL

#thanks dude!!!!!

[zeroar]

So I watched this video...

And the essayist suggests a major part of it is due to the fairly positive representation of a queer couple in Sailor Moon in the form of Sailors Uranus and Neptune. (That's only part of it, very good video, I just want to write out my thoughts in a word-vomit style while drinking some coffee so here we are)...

I think it's a little more than that though. Now, I'm fond of being overly reductive sometimes and saying something like "Sailor Moon made me gay" (and I'm using "gay" in its umbrella queer sense here).

But, whether someone can be turned gay aside (which, for the record, I come down somewhere around they basically can't unless they're bisexual), it wasn't the positive representation of Uranus and Neptune that did it. It was Season 1 of Sailor Moon.

It wasn't just a positive queer relationship in whatever season Uranus and Neptune came in (they were portrayed as cousins so until I went to the Internet to learn the truth there was nothing there for me even ignoring it was a later season), and it wasn't even the bisexual wonder girl that is Usagi/Serena who freely adored and went lovestruck over competent and beautiful women. With Mamoru/Darien kidnapped/brainwashed for half the first season anyway (and also inexplicably much older than he was in the manga), the relationship between her and Rei was so much more interesting and one where the characters could actually speak to each other, but it wasn't even thinking that Serena should be with Raye...

Aside: if you don't think Usagi is bi then I don't know what to tell you. Yes, Mamoru is her true love or whatever, but the girl's main characteristic is how freely and deeply she loves. She was interested in Sailor V way before she was interested in Tuxedo Kamen / Tuxedo Mask. (I'm half-joking because there's no explicit canonization of Usagi being bi—AFAIK—but I really cannot imagine her being any other way. I just see her as a bi girl in a heterosexual relationship).

Even beyond all that, the series Sailor Moon was possibly the first series I saw which treated women/girls as people and portrayed women favorably, let alone portrayed queer relationships and queer characters favorably (which was not done in the original American edit of the first season).

The women of Sailor Moon could be boy-crazy and ditzy, but they could also be heroic and self-sacrificing, studious, strong, smart, cool, collected... and yes, they were all beautiful. Even Zoisite—who I only later found out was a man—was gorgeous.

Sailor Moon loves women, and there's not much gayer than loving women.

Specifically, in the society of toxic masculinity / hegemonic masculinity / "the patriarchy", valuing women as people goes directly against how women get portrayed. It's not that valuing women is inherently anti-cishet, it's that the concept of being cis and heterosexual itself has gotten wrapped up in the toxicity so anything that rejects that norm is gay.

I'm not saying anything new here, though academic sources tend to default to "queer" instead of "gay", so I'll switch to that umbrella term now.

Valuing women as people is queer in the same way that the Addams Family is queer. Morticia and Gomez's relationship is a queer relationship in that it is a rejection of the patriarchy and a rejection of the cishet norms of hating your spouse and treating them as a burden you're saddled with.

There's a common sentiment in analyzing cishet men's relationships with women of saying something along the lines of, "do straight guys even like women? You guys can be gay. You don't have to pursue women romantically if you don't like them" and beyond what individual cis and heterosexual men may think about women, it is 100% true that the patriarchy and hegemonic masculinity don't like women.

At least part of the fear of "AI" is that hegemonic masculinity would lead to a conclusion of rejecting women in favor of love-bots. This only makes sense if the people doing the rejecting don't actually like women and just see them as objects, but that's what hegemonic masculinity teaches.

So yes, whether you're a cis man or something else entirely, loving women is queer. And Sailor Moon loves women.

It probably doesn't stand up to modern sensibilities, but my pre-teen mind only ever saw how incredible it was to be a bishoujo senshi when I was watching. The "camera" definitely highlighted how beautiful the women were (especially in their transformation scenes) but it only ever felt glorifying and exultant, and it did not feel exploitative or creepy.

With the exception of comic characters (Melvin/Umino, Chad/Yuichiro, Rei's grandfather, etc.), ALL of the characters were slender and long-limbed. That came off as simply the style of the show and not something about sexualizing the characters. Loads of issues with the lack of body diversity, but it was always so firmly celebrating these characters (who were all women/girls).

And, loving women is queer.

I honestly don't know how I would have turned out without having Sailor Moon in my life. Especially, so many incredible fanfiction stories that were even better than the series (though loads of exploitative and misogynistic ones too, which was always such a shock to stumble across).

Growing up in the 1990s, I was in social settings where the default was to be openly derisive and misogynistic towards women. (It's probably still broadly that way, I just am able to curate who I'm around now in a way you can't growing up). But having the example of positive women character representations (and also seeing how pretty people can be, both inside and out) was such a solace to child-Me. I'm grateful for having that representation even if it wasn't the queer representation I needed, it was the positive women representation I was desperate for back then.

Anyway, as much as I love the idea of Rei/Usagi, my favorite stories kept Usagi with Mamoru and had Rei with Minako. I get that Minako gets characterized as a Usagi clone/replacement (which is ironic), so it may seem that I'm just filling in, but in-text, Usagi and Mamoru are basically always together / in love with each other romantically and I never really questioned that so seeing so many incredible Reinako stories made that couple pretty solid in my head. I'm honestly not opposed to Usagi being in a poly relationship, but those fanfiction stories tended to be more lemons than character exploration.

TL;DR: Why are magical girls so gay? Because they portray women positively and that's extremely, extremely gay (in the sense that it is aligned against hegemonic masculinity and the patriarchy).

#sailor moon #queer #queerbaiting #hegemonic masculinity #magical girl #usagi tsukino #usagi is bi #fuck the patriarchy #Youtube

[stevecoven]

Hello I'm anon from before (I'm also stevestanno1 that's probably a better identifier lol) I'm delivering you ocxsteve deets

I haven't named the oc yet so they getting called "oc" ripp

They are academic rivals to best friends (in the "everyone's confused on whether or not they're a thing" way) to enemies to lovers because if you're not hitting every possible dynamic in one ship is it even good??

They were both aiming for emperor's coven until oc had a run in with some wild witch shenanigans around the time of the coven trials and had a "covens are dumb" epiphany which they told steve about. Too bad steve gets interrogated the emperor's coven and spills the beans about oc being a "traitor" (he's in his "all hail the emperor" era sadly)

They try to put oc in the conformatorium but they just. run. Become a cool wild witch whos got lowkey one-sided beef with a certain coven scout you know, maybe an apprentice of eda I haven't worked out the details lol

Eventually both steve and oc end up in catts which leads to a lot of tension. and not the fun kind. Then there's some awkward apologies and stuff and bam!! Fun tension :]

I'm not sure how it goes from tension to an actual relationship because I wanna wait til s3 is done but yeahh. Very vague but they are dear to me <3 sturphy4thewin tho

(Also omg sorry for how long this is and just rambling ahh)

(stevestan back again because omg I just realised I forgot my favourite part about this oc

Their entire family are bards who joined this sub coven for wind instruments only so literally the entire family are masterfully skilled + talented with all kinds of instruments

Oc cannot even whistle. They cannot play any wind instrument. They are a gifted kid in every regard except for very specifically wind instrument magic. They were a family disgrace before they even became a coven traitor all because they couldn't whistle)

-----

HELLO I LOVE THIS CHARACTER CONCEPT LMAO

absolutely love relationships where the two people have their ideals and principles pitted against each other it's the tastiest kind of interpersonal conflict

I hope you have fun with them!! And I hope they get a name one day lmao

#replies #toh oc #everyone is welcome to infodump about their toh ocs in my inbox (or send me your art) I would love to share them

[petrenocka]

I posted 1,521 times in 2022

120 posts created (8%)

1,401 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@martianmage

@isabella-rosebud

@derinthescarletpescatarian

@limelocked

@ladamemidnatt

I tagged 773 of my posts in 2022

Only 49% of my posts had no tags

#art - 302 posts

#peak comedy - 88 posts

#politics - 27 posts

#dnd - 13 posts

#save - 13 posts

#skeleton war 2022 - 11 posts

#skeleton war - 11 posts

#dnd 5e - 9 posts

#goncharov - 8 posts

#writing - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#personally my main concern with ai art is that due to it's nature of using peaces of pre-existing art to cobble together something ''new''

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I love Wrathion's dragon form. He is short, you never see him sit on his hind legs when on ground, his teeth are a bit fucked up. He may look cool an imposing by himself, but next to most other dragons he seems unrefined and skittish. He has jewelry.

The problem child energy is on full display there. Love it.

65 notes - Posted October 28, 2022

#4

For how often 1984 is referenced in political discussions all the interesting stuff gets left out each and every time, it's so disappointing.

All I ever hear talked about are concepts of thought-crimes, thought-police, double-think and double-speak. Which are, don't get me wrong, very interesting and very relevant in this day and age. They also are like 50% of the book at best.

There is also commentary on proletariat and class awareness, war, artificial scarcity, constant surveillance, loneliness, fear.

The biggest theme in the book is how the government has to keep its citizens lives miserable so it can control them. How even two people properly coming together is a threat that must be eliminated. And the book describes in extreme detail how the Party achieves this.

And that's just the world building! The actual plot of the story is almost entirely about sexual freedom. Extremely overtly so too. The book takes its sweet sweet time to describe how and why imposing a certain rigid family structure is essential to government oppression. Spoiler! The biggest act of rebellion our protagonist ever actually gets to commit is having sex with a person he's not supposed to be having sex with, in a way he is not supposed to have sex, according to the government and society it enslaved.

Winston reads as closeted queer on one two, despite his hetro relationship! The Party is the scariest eldritch horror entity I ever read about! Yet all I ever hear talk about is how "boo hoo, they kill you if you think the wrong thought, scawy wawy". Such a shame.

I need to make and/or go bother my academic friends.

177 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

#3

From what I have seen pro queer arguments most often rely on moral, humanitarian arguments. "This kind of treatment is unfair", "We deserve to be treated like humans", these are all appeals to empathy.

But people who disagree don't have empathy. Not towards groups they aren't a part of. So different talking points could be more effective.

Oddly enough, I never see anti-government arguments being made.

Like, "aren't you made uncomfortable by the gvt spying on your bedroom in order to make sure you aren't breaking sodomy laws?" "Enforcing those laws would take resources that can be better used elsewhere". Make it about the harm homophobia is going to do to them. Make your cause relatable and universal.

You are never going to move over the fully committed "lgbt is a sin deserving of death penalty" fanatics. But plenty of bigots hide from themselves behind flimsy justifications like "the gays make no children, which is bad for the economy".

Sometimes a simple "Same sex household is at least better then an orphanage and it alleviates some pressure form the system. Our stupid and corrupt government is acting irrationally by preventing queers from adopting." is enough to turn a homophobe indifferent, and that is a net gain.

Speaking from experience. It's exactly thoughts like "Gays sure are disgusting, but the government shouldn't be prosecuting people who aren't causing harm to others. And it's not like the gvt has a good track record of making good decisions anyway" that kept me anti-homophobia enough where learning that violent hate crimes are a thing was enough to turn me vaguely pro-pride. At which point talking to real queers turned me fully into an ally/possibly a bi guy. It's a pipeline. A good one. But it needs a start.

204 notes - Posted November 27, 2022

#2

Black-Footed Cat is the most deadly cat in our world, with about 60% succecful hunt rate (almost 3 times the lion’s score), this species are the colibri bird of murder, who kill about 10-14 creatures per night, due to their high metabolism.

They also look like this:

And now, compare your reaction to the image with the data provided.

The hell is wrong with humans and things we consider cute?

Like, imagine you’re an alien and a member of these new speices called humans promises to show you the cutest, most precious animal from their home planet, and then goes on to introduce you to this absolute engine of Death. horrifying.

309 notes - Posted February 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Btw, I am obsessed with The Sandman's portrayal of divinity more then anything else.

This is probably why the Hell episode was my favorite. The transformation battle? Yeah, o k San-Wu-Kong!

But the best part was the "what power have dreams in Hell?" "what power would hell have if those in it couldn't dream of heaven?" exchange.

Because of the way the power dynamic shifted in it. It was a brief philosophical exchange, where Devil starts on top, assured they can keep Dream in Hell, but ends up defeated after his retort. The acting really sells this dynamic there.

It feels the same way their "fight" did, minus the visual representation of their "blows". Because it was! They are gods! Manifestations of their respective abstract concepts! For them philosophy, a clash of ideas, should be no different from physical throwing of hands! Like Greeks!

I hope, I'm making sense here. Essentially, what I'm saying is that for these guys, talking or just simply existing in a place seems as much of an extention of their divinity as their fancy magics, and can carry just as much, if not more meaning and power.

Speaking of - the magic. It is amazing. Vague and without many internal rules, it still makes sense for certain things and ppl to produce effects they do.

Most blatantly - it is not described what exactly Dream's tools do. Even the functionality of the Ruby, which gets the most exposition (read - any), is "makes dreams come true" with no hows and conditions attached. But still, when they are put to use I go "yeah, ok, I see how that would do that" and don't feel cheated.

I don't have analytical eloquence to understand why it works, but it does, and it makes gods in The Sandman feel exactly the same way gods in mythology do, minus the age of the text. Which is fantastic.

619 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[kats-comfort-corner]

✨, 👔 and 🐶?

Yessss. Thank you for asking, anon! <3

👔 - How would you describe your personal style?

My personal style could probably be described as comfortable and inconsistent, lol. I am very particular about tactile sensations and physical contact, so not a fan of tight jeans or itchy clothes...or tags. >> My nemesis.

I’ve also started wearing crop tops since I got top surgery and fhousdahfoasd it’s so nice!! 10/10 highly recommend

🐶 - Do you own any pets? If not, do you have a dream pet?

I have two little animal companions in my family! Nutmeg, my two year old ball python, I have had since 2020. She was so teeny tiny and fit in the palm of my hand. When I initially met her, I was worried we’d both be scared, but she was super curious and I was very excited and we were immediately best friends.

Banana, my nine month old gray tabby, we found outside in the pouring rain under a banana tree (hence her name) two days after my top surgery. I got my surgical binder a little wet while we were trying to lure her out from under the tree and out of the rain, but she eventually came over to us and we took care of her. We tried to see if she was anyone’s kitten, but at the time, she was around six weeks old (and her mom was no where around, though we kept checking for her) so our options were to keep her or take her to the animal shelter.

So now we have two little fur and scale babies that we get to help take care of and teach new things to. <3

✨ - What are your top 3 current special interests?

Oooooo. Very good question, I like this one.

1. Naruto Shippuden

Pretty sure this is a permanent hyperfixation that’s always brrrring in the background of my brain. >>; Has been since 2006, so. Gonna assume that’s just how it is now.

2. Artificial Intelligence & Machine Learning

This is something I got interested in some time last year and it’s been an on and off interest depending on how much brain space I have available to learn new things. Taking time on it has helped a lot, so I’m just letting myself learn at whatever pace feels comfortable. It’s very cool and interesting once you get through the density of academic papers and overlapping/contradictory approaches to training methods.

3. Energetic Ecology & Trauma Healing

I’ve applied for an Energetic Ecology apprenticeship program twice and this year I was accepted! My therapist recommended practicing Reiki to me some time last year to work on healing the physical manifestations of my childhood and more recent traumas, but when I started doing research into it, I learned that Western Reiki is pretty far removed from the original Japanese practice and belief system it is implied to be based on.

I don’t feel comfortable learning practices from culturally appropriated belief structures and spiritual systems. I mean. That should probably be a general standard, but I digress. I found the School for Energetic Ecology, facilitated by a teacher of Indigenous Ainu, Japanese, and mixed European lineages with an emphasis on acknowledging the harm of cultural appropriation and learning about these practices with respect and reverence for the culture that bore them, and continues to use them.

Highly recommend doing this kind of research whenever you’re learning about something new, especially when it is a spiritual or cultural concept that has been Westernized or generally talked about by people that aren’t actually descendents of that culture.

#kat answers #ask #anon #ask game #sorry this was so long #@-@ #i hope these were interesting and helpful answers in some way! #kat mewsing

[pliablehead]

what if I just made a lore post about my goblin character. WHAT is STOPPING me. I love her literally so much and I’m still so frustrated that the campaign I ended up playing her in turned out to be SO LOUSY and I would LOVE to get to play her all over again in another life/context where I get to do more cool shit with her aaaaa

Melbatoast is from a small-to-middling messy goblin clan who live in a somewhat swampy environment, though it is actually quite close to an area of volcanic activity as well. There were maybe four ‘families’ in her clan, all fairly large - goblins don’t really make a huge deal out of like, blood family relationships? The goblin language doesn’t even really have words for a lot of things common language does, like “mother” or “uncle” or whatever, there’s basically just one word per sex for “person whose blood I share” and mostly that’s to keep track of who is and who isn’t for like, the purposes of not getting super inbred. It’s a pseudo-matriarchal society and by other cultures’ terms the woman who was kind of the de facto clan leader was Melbatoast’s aunt, or like, cousin-once-removed, or something. but that wasn’t important. 

A lot of what goblin society primarily values is the concept of possessions and ownership, which is why gobbos sometimes were and still are stereotyped pretty badly as being hoarders and thieves. really, it’s just the core tenet of their lifestyle to treat material possessions with a lot of respect and prominence! and to hold onto anything that comes your way because being able to have those resources available to you as broadly and readily as possible brings strength. as such they don’t put a lot of faith in, or respect on, the sort of Arcane Arts™ - some older generations in particular are very distrustful and disdainful of magic, or anything that can “make something out of nothing.” builders, craftspersons and artisans who can work with their hands have way higher standing. not a lot of magic in goblin communities. 

unnnnfortunately, some of the stereotype and the sometimes-negative treatment of goblins by society at large DID lead to many clans like, making this a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy, and a lot of goblins ARE now in the business of being sort of petty criminals, either for their own good or in the employ of others. you know. Melbatoast’s clan/family is a lot like this, in a way that never really sat right with her, but the majority of them just seem kind of...defeatist? like, welp, this is our lot in life as Goblins In This World, this is how it always is, this is what we’re good for. and she went along with it to a certain degree growing up but it was NEVER satisfying and she always felt kind of fish-out-of-water-y when she was expected to be underhanded or pickpockety. she did her best to pick up more crafty skills instead, but again, her clan is fairly small, and there just weren’t always people around who had skills they were able to teach her. they were poor and a little bit disenfranchised and yeah, they were pickpockets. the easiest marks were often researchers and other academics who were venturing to and from the volcanic area to study its properties. 

one day, Melbatoast manages to slip a bag off a young studious type, and it is... there’s basically nothing of value in it. this guy is effectively a broke college student, and almost everything inside of it is notes and paperwork, a large leather journal jammed full of loose sheets in addition to the pages actually bound in it, tied shut with twine, marked and dogeared all over. it’s a hideous hot mess. it’s extravagant and Melbatoast LOVES it, is fascinated by it. As she digs deeper into it, what she discovers turns out to be the personal spellbook of a novice wizard. She has, like, ZERO experience with magic prior to this, but this is the most interesting new and weird thing she has ever seen in her boring, uncomfortable life of stealing and conniving to get by. she becomes obsessed with this wizard’s learnings and starts trying to get a harness on them herself. she is - just as much to her surprise as to anyone else’s - a remarkably quick study. suddenly, she’s doing cantrips! she figures out Feather Fall and Thunderwave and Alarm! She finds some extremely rudimentary schematics for a set of arcanomechanical armor, which she takes to with her limited artisan skills she’s managed to acquire thusfar and like. makes. for herself. 

she’s DOING STUFF that ISN’T JUST THE SAME STUFF SHE’S ALWAYS DONE for the first time in her life and it like, changes her. She’s honestly kind of furious that she could have been doing this COOL SHIT the whole time and she just never knew there was this whole other world of magic and other disciplines out there that weren’t just her shitty goblin clan going nowhere fast. so she puts her armor together, collects all of her important Material Goblin possessions, and just. leaves. She doesn’t care about family or clan anymore and she doesn’t want to be some trashy criminal for the rest of her life. She’s a wizard now and she is going to go out there and be the best fucking wizard the world has ever seen. she is going to acquire magic and power and renown, knowledge, reputation - intangible things, which she’s realizing now she’s actually way more into than any object she’s ever been able to hold with her hands.

#melbatoast #wizard school of invention #also that's not her real name obviously that's a chosen moniker #she styled herself after something else from the wizard's stolen pack that seemed Fancy and Exotic and New #THE BEST WIZARD EVER!!!!!! #this has been a post #reference

[kae-karo]

For the writer asks: 19 and 39, only if you feel comfortable!

hi dear!! slkdfjklsdjf yes don't worry i do, tyty!! <3

send me writing asks from this list!

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

ngl i think i started (conceptually) where a lot of people start in terms of writing fanfic, where i was searching for a Concept that i couldn't find but wanted to read about, then had the realization that like...these are just people!! i could do this, i'm a person!!! also wow this got really long i'm so sorry i'm gonna put a 'keep reading' in here cause this is deep kae lore lmao

but i'll back up a tiny bit as well lmao and give u some kae lore - when i was younger, my sister was the 'creative writing' person in the family, i was the math nerd who definitely didn't have the creative chops to write (and hey, my sis was better at it than me, right? so why even try lmao) and to be totally fair, i was really not very skilled at the essay-type writing i was expected to do for english classes/college essays/etc, which i assumed implied that i'd be pretty bad at creative writing as well

fast forward a couple years, i have an Idea™ for a story (like an original story). but obviously, i can't write! so i hit up my sister during a family trip over the holidays and i'm like LOOK bestie i can't write but i CAN get a plot going here, can you write it for me? and she got all excited and we worked together to hash out a plot and stuff, it was good bonding time lmao. ultimately, it never ended up getting written bc she was still in high school and drowning with academics and i was in college and then trying to find a job, etc etc

but like i think that did it for me, that was the thing that really got my head spinning around the idea of engaging with creative writing as like...a thing i might actually be good at. not doing the writing ofc, because i was Bad At Writing™ per my previous experiences, but i wanted to get into the publishing industry cause i figured i could edit manuscripts or something and be Close to the creative writing process (don't @ me i really didn't understand much abt the industry lmao)

so, okay, cool, how to do that? well i was getting burned out on my job at the time and found one at a publishing company, but it was technically under a non-publishing-related sub-company. but hey, that's closer to a publishing company and might open some doors for me, right? so i went for it, and ultimately, that was a good thing, cause it was boring as shit

like the sheer amount of lack of work for this job was extremely mind-numbing, to the point that i spent a good 75% of my time watching youtube vids cause i was just looking for ANY mental stimulation lmao. i'd seen vines (i was late to the vine craze okay) of thomas sanders before, and i saw that he was on youtube, so i crashed through a bunch of his vids. i was also on tumblr but very much lurking, not very participatory, and i stumbled upon a post from a friend i'd followed in college who was a fan of dan and phil (hi if ur reading this hope ur good !! i still think abt that time i wore a lazy cat costume with cat whiskers drawn on my face and u asked me if i was a fan of them and i just had no clue what u were talking abt but thanks for setting off the next several years of me getting into dnp and, subsequently, writing)

ANYWAY so fast forward 4-5mo or so, i finally learn what fanfiction is (yes, this took me til 2017 okay) and i read a bunch to fill all this massively boring spare time i have sitting around at work. and then i have an idea, but the fanfic doesn't exist, and i'm like....lightbulb, i know i can't really write, but what if maybe i give it a try and see? i've read some stuff that isn't like...jaw-dropping top-tier incredible (and i mean this in the most genuine way, i am SO grateful for amateur quality writing bc i think that really shattered my internal narrative about 'only Good Writers should write and post', whatever the hell a 'good writer' is)

and thus, i wrote my first fic. which i then posted on wattpad (lmao) before learning that ao3 was a thing, and was purportedly Much Better, so i crossposted it there. after the first...2 or 3 fics? i posted exclusively there. they were all one-shots, which was about the extent of my confidence and ability at the time like...just getting started writing. and like i just went back and reread the first like...plot-based oneshot (the prior was more poetic and less of a Story) and...i mean i have some commentary for past-me about switching tenses mid-sentence and stuff but i think i did pretty alright for having no creative writing experience lmao

bumps along the way...i'll be honest, the dnp fandom at the time i was writing for it was extremely wholesome and supportive, like i couldn't have asked for a better place to grow my confidence in writing. it was much smaller than the other fandoms i've since written for, and that made it very intimate and easy to gain an audience by word of mouth. during that time, i really don't think i hit any bumps in the road? creatively-speaking, i was kind of brimming with years upon years of unused creative energy that needed a place to go and finally had some sort of outlet, plus the extensive time to devote to cultivating it as a passion

it was really only as dnp slowed down on their own content creation that my interest ended up waning, and as i've said many times, i tend to follow the trail of inspiration - no inspiration = no writing, for the most part. there was a stretch of time between my last dnp fic and my first bnha fic where i really was just sort of floating, which sucked at the time but i now understand how that manifested and was able to recognize it when it rolled around again with my transition from writing for bnha to writing for genshin

i've definitely had patches of time since then where it feels like i'm creatively exhausted, but i've learned how to recognize that as my brain's need to pause and recharge (i wrote a poem abt it actually - x) and along with that comes a bit of self-reflection and acknowledgment that i am not an infinite creative well, and that spawning tons of ideas in my earlier writing career was more a product of having years of pent-up creative energy that needed a release lmao

i've also definitely had ideas that fought me a little bit, which is never fun lmao especially if i'm super committed to them, or excited abt them. i think that's just a product of like. being a creative person and Having Ideas lmao they're not all gonna work out perfectly every time sldkjfklsjfdl

i think that's a pretty decent assessment of where i am now as well? i take ideas as they come as much as i'm able, try to rest when i know i need it (even when i don't wANNA), and follow my inspiration wherever it leads!

as for where i'm going? sldkflksf your guess is as good as mine lmaooo at the moment, i know i have a LOT of genshin ideas that i'm either in the middle of or want to work on, so i suspect fandom-wise i'll be here for a while lmao. from a like...writing writing standpoint, i'm just gonna keep following my inspiration and see where it takes me lmao. i try not to treat writing as like a "how do i get Better" sort of thing? it's my passion, it's my hobby, i'm enjoying it and i enjoy the way i do it, and so far i've been able to create the things i want to create. if i ever run into a roadblock where i can't do what i want to do, then perhaps i'll seek out ways to grow in the direction that'll help me accomplish what i want to accomplish, but until then, i'll keep doing what i'm doing lmao

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

well tbh i feel like 'giving up' can be interpreted in a few different ways - i'll be totally honest, i've never wanted to give up writing. like. this is it for me lmao at least for the foreseeable future. it brings me a lot of joy, even on the rough days

as i've mentioned, i've had stories that fight with me, and sometimes it's a lack of inspiration (in which case, i set it aside and move on and hope there's a day where i'll be inspired to work on it again), sometimes it's an aspect of the story that i feel is important but can't make it work (in which case i usually spend an hour talking about it aloud until i've worked my way out of the issue)

and sometimes i just get burnt out, which happens every now and then, and i detest it bc i love writing but sometimes i just have to step back and stop for a little bit. but by no means does it equate to giving up entirely - usually it's just a feeling like everything is Bad and Wrong and i can't get myself to do words or when i do they're all Wrong

when that's specific to the story (which i have had happen before too lmao) usually that's a sign that i just need to leave it alone for a little and return to it with a fresh mind - it's never as bad as i think it is while i'm in the middle of it lmao

but none of that means that i don't still feel motivated, or have things that motivate me. a lot of it is that this is my only creative hobby that i do consistently, but i have a LOT of creative energy. so it all tends to funnel into this, and it's emotionally satisfying to manifest something that lives in my head. also i won't lie i write for myself, ultimately, but sharing with other people and getting positive feedback is really encouraging, like knowing that other ppl had fun with the same little brainrot that i did is a really fun feeling

send me writing asks from this list!

#ask #ask game #anon #kae lore #writing ask

[f1yogurt]

Classic F1 MBTI: Niki Lauda - INTJ

Source: Quora, How do I spot an INTJ?

I read this quora page the other day and picked out my favorite quotes about being an INTJ to describe Niki. It's long but enjoy.

They are the person that everyone thinks is an asshole, great at their job, no one wants to hang out with, but the company can't function without them.

Irritated by useless foolishness. INTJ trademark.

We loathe inauthenticity. While we might admire someone’s efforts to attain success… it is the effort we admire, not the success itself. We respect people for WHO they are, not WHAT they own. So if a person is lacking in character, then all the money, cars, yachts, etc. in the world won’t impress us at all.

Many of us have a distinctive way of speaking, controlled and professorial, precise. In private, if we know you well and our guard is down, we are like fluffy effusive children.

But almost nobody sees that side of us. In public, we present as academic.

If you feel like you’re being obliviously lectured to by a quiet weirdo with stabbing eyes, you might be talking to an INTJ.

The one who doesn’t speak until he/she is spoken to, who doesn’t talk until he/she has something to say and who usually provides the answer no-one else has thought of in as few words as possible.

We can be loud when we want to be. But our loudness is most likely witty and sarcastic, not attention seeking.

A lot of people think that INTJs are objective kind of people but I think we're just obsessed with getting answers. (and being right)

We rarely get swept up in fads, which makes us seem a little old-fashioned (but more 19th century old-fashioned than 1950s, if that makes sense). In reality we rarely look backwards, and are among the least nostalgic of people. We are very future oriented, too much so in fact.

They think, you can see them thinking: Personally I have fun while observing INTJs’ thinking processes, I almost can see thoughts all over their head, making a hot mess. Also, they tend to zone out of their surroundings, its just them and their thoughts.

We don't care if people hate us and won't make any effort to be liked. If you like us, then it's cool and if you don't, it's still cool.

We will do anything if you mess up with our family or close friends. Never ever underestimate an intj as you will never know what they are capable of.

Whenever there’s a strong emotional group pile-on (everyone getting incensed about some issue, or being all righteous, or any strong emotion), watch for the person not participating. Reasoning via emotion is antithetical to INTJs, and it’s very disturbing to see the pitchforks come out. We understand how emotion leads people to do terrible things, and are instinctively afraid when groups become emotionally intense. We will not engage, even when we agree. These emotional pile-on’s make some INTJ’s despair for humanity.

We’re actually fiercely loyal friends. We’re honest, diligent and great at solving problems. We will have your back no matter what!

At work, we are happy when a crisis happens as it presents an opportunity for us to respond to a problem.

We look like we are angry when we are just sitting there doing nothing. Probably thinking about a new concept or theory, to be honest.

They tend not to show their emotions: They. stare. Like a wall. They show nothing. Do you know how hard it is to talk to you when you stare like me with a blank face? As an INFP, I am intimidated, I feel judged, INTJs make me super super uncomfortable most of the time. SHOW ME SOMETHING LMAO I WON’T BITE!

Perfectionism.

“It’s correct, but I’ll do it my way.”

Having difficulty expressing your feelings and affection.

If we decide we don’t like you, we’ll then be polite. That’s it.

If we decide we do like you, then expect loads of sarcasm and teasing.

He is very witty and funny.

He loves to laugh. Loves it, like wow. It is very refreshing. He pulls humor out of left field.

He loves it when people ask his thoughts on things. He gives the most interesting assessments and predictions.

He used to be cruel and caustic, and that, too, made him stand out. He is excellent at insults; and again, they can come out of left field.

He loves debate.

He enjoys making fun of people.

Their sense of humor is sarcastic and dry. They don’t try to be funny, it just happens in the moment, and they may just chuckle when no one is around.

They have this natural charisma: It is maybe because they tend to be cold and cold people attract warm people, but every INTJ I have met had this charisma that I do not know how to explain. They do not need to be attractive at any form but you just feel drawn into them. You want to get to know them due to this mysterious look on their faces. Yeah. At least I do.

Harsh from the outside but soft from the inside. As an INTJ I heard too many people saying that I’m emotionless but the ones that are close enough to me said many times, you are vivid and have a very kind heart.

#niki lauda #intj #mbti #classic f1 #i had fun with this #lauda archives #my intj bby #requests for more? #classic f1 mbti #james is next on the list

[senshilegionnaire]

im almost certain being super focused on something that you like is actually more normal than most folks think, but feels significantly less normalised when it's not about certain things

Like if your hyperfocus/spec interest is something "academic" its probably more normalised than say, a very specific piece of media. So if someone is like "I'm super into space" or "CHEMISTRY" or "MATH" its like 'oh damn thats cool go be an engineer'. But at the same time there's so many folks obsessed with say horses or mythos or, hell, make up or sports. Have you ever listened to some folks talk about their sport of interest?? Or some people get into the nitty gritty of different foods or preparations?? It's distinctly human to love things with your whole heart!!

But I think a part of it is also the weird concept that you shouldnt be attached to things when you become an "adult" that makes it hard to express a Big Like without seeming "irresponsible"/like you're wasting time. I'm largely Neurotypical but I know that I can rarely talk to certain family members about the series' ive been into for years because im worried it'll be seen as "lesser" or a waste of time

This isn't like, neg or critiquing i just had a lot of words in my head haha;; feel free to ignore!

���

im not feeling attacked, lol. and yes sure, just-- please also consider how many people in academia are very not neurotypical, and i'm not exaggerating. there is an honest difference in the depth of all-encompassing dependency on a Thing and just really loving Thing or being very interested in it, no matter if it's a show or book series or music theory or trains or fantasy football.

i definitely hear you on the stigma of adult attachment, and that's really loud on places like tumblr and in places where you're surrounded with either conservative people or simply folks who were taught incorrectly that "we must put away childish things." i know for sure that i'm old enough that i own my weirdness, and don't give a shit if people give me sideeye for all the comic book and ska band stickers on my car, but i've also got educational system "laziness" scars that will never entirely go away.

at any rate, it IS distinctly human to live things with your whole heart, passionately and purely.

it's *not* a universal human experience to have the thing be the only thing that gets you hype, that makes you feel better, that makes you wake up and feel alive.

here is an illustration that may help:

keywords when googling this are going to be dopamine, adhd, reward-based, hyperfixation, asd, autism, special interest

if, upon reading more by people less rambly and vague than i am, you find that the reason you're protesting is actually because you relate, you might not be as neurotypical as you thought! or you might find that someone else is a LOT better at putting words to it than me, and that's great too. :)

#asks #adhd #actually adhd #hyperfixation

[rataltouille]

FORCE MAJEURE: NOVEL INTRO

[this is my original work, do not use / repurpose / plagiarise in any form]

GENRE: literary fiction.

SETTING: south india, early 2010s.

POV & TENSE: dual pov; present tense + third person limited.

STAGE: prepping for camp nano [my current goal for camp is 10k!]

THEMES + AESTHETICS: fatalism, chance and luck, the duality of everything, corruption, chaos vs order, manipulation, power, sacrifice, loneliness, free will, love vs obsession. the sound of waves crashing against rocks, sitting in an empty house and watching a watery dawn, saltwater seeping into your pores as you swim deeper and deeper underwater; driving through neon cities under a full moon, laughter mixing with the bright sounds of people, the buzz of contact in a room full of strangers.

CONTENT WARNINGS: cults and religious trauma, implications + discussions of emotional abuse, terrible parents, manipulation, gaslighting. [note: this wip is very new so more content warnings may be added as i go]

SUMMARY:

when twins ananya and naveen get separated while escaping their home, they find themselves in completely different places—one stumbling onto a hidden commune by the beach, the other pulled into a group of thieves in the city. this story is a dark coming-of-age where the twins must confront their obsessions with things they can’t control and what they’re willing to do to belong.

aka “i know everything happens for a reason but what the fuck”

CHARACTERS:

omg my children <3 [all picrew credits to @/sagravi’s picrew!]

ANANYA [pronounced as: uh-nun-yah]

she/they [she’s very non-binary but doesn't have the term for it in the book? so in my head she uses she/they but in the book uses she/her]

looks like she can kill you, will instead make you fall in love and slowly [and unknowingly] break your heart <3

“have you ever seen a woman so beautiful you started crying?”

unintentionally funny. says something mean and people will laugh not realising she actually meant it

carries around a lot of anger about the multiple ways in which people have wronged her and now and then just goes feral [as she should, really]

aroace and has a very longterm, very on screen crisis about it. what i learnt from this is that i cannot write an uplifting aroace story and tbh i don't know what that says about me as someone who’s also aroace.

very emotionally attached to her parents :) very emotionally detached from people in general :) suffering™

does not have a good time

NAVEEN [pronounced as: nuh-veen]

he/him [also very non-binary]

looks baby, is actually very sad

“i do not have a fake social media personality. i am genuinely this mentally ill in real life”

unintentionally unfunny. he cries himself to sleep at night because his puns weren’t well received [me too honestly]

very queer!! he’s mspec but doesn’t label himself, and honestly king <3 he also gets caught in a bisexual love triangle. the way i was anti-love triangles until this guy appeared🧍

was always the twin who was idolised and seen as the family’s future which not only put a lot of pressure on him but also strained his relationship with ananya in unexpected ways which is just :(

does not have a good time

literally i fell in love with the twins so quickly; they are so cool and are most definitely my genvy. their relationship is very central to the story despite them being separated for the most of it [if the story plays out that way]. i’m excited to actually start drafting to learn more about them + their dynamic!!

SO HOW’D THIS HAPPEN?

so a few days ago my brain said “new fun ya contemporary concept about queer twins in high school” and then within five minutes of its existence my brain also said “contemporary ya my ass it’s now adult litfic deal with it” and at this point i’m just like. okay.

this book is my second novel and also my *bangs posts and pans* camp nano wip! [please as if i haven't mentioned this seventy times already] coincidentally my academic year + finals also end on the first of april so this is such a perfect time to start a new project!!

ALSO i’m jumping on the trend of making a temporary taglist for weekly updates like all the cool, sexy writeblrs who are doing it [read as: atlas fam] so!! let me know [dm/ask/reply/mention in reblog] if you want to be added to the camp nano taglist!! if you want to keep up with the wip after camp, you can ask to be added to my general taglist. heads up that i won't be tagging my general taglist for the weekly updates!!

everything about this project is tagged as force majeure and the writing updates as force majeure update. also here’s the link to the very very in-progress playlist. you can send me an ask / message me if you’d like to be added to my taglist or have any questions about the project. and that’s about it for now!!

#wip intro #camp nano 2021 #writeblr #am writing #wtwcommunity #ofcolourtracking #crabappletracking #atlastracking #tw cults #just releasing that with the desi protags + setting that this is technically an own voices story🧎 #which makes me very happy tbh #force majeure

[tunapesto]

I absolutely LOVE your Dess design! Any headcanons about Dess, Noelle, Kris and/or Asriel as kids?

THANK U!!! also yes,, i have many,, i will be keeping them under the cut for convenience

- dess plays baseball and soccer (the latter noelle sort of took interest in at some point but decided it wasnt for her) shes like. the Sport Person tm of the school at the time

- dess actually just has those clip on earrings because 1) actual piercings would hurt 2) her mom would be on her ass LMAO

- dess is generally laid back and likes goofing off. her and asriel were friends bc they were top students respectively in physical activity and academics but she thinks asriel is just some dork. thinks hes very funny though

- asriel and dess would often compare their horns and obviously dess wins and she also got taller than him . much to his dismay lol

- noelle and kris meet through their older siblings hanging out and they start getting along!! noelle was a bit more shy and kris would only talk to their brother so it was a bit of a surprise. i like to think they bonded over cartoon shows (maybe mecha?) and they made theories over it to each other

- kris definitely looks up to dess a bit. like they mess w noelle every now and then and dess starts chasing them w a bat but they think shes just really neat (the way she dressed, how she acted like, etc. in a way they sort of tried to emulate that when growing up) also i like the idea of kris seeing dess a little in susie.. they are best friends :)

- dess and asriel as friends is a funny concept i think. they are very chaotic and as asriel grew up i think hed be super charismatic and smoothtalked his way to some things (popular fandom hc and its really fun actually) and dess does not care about this,,, however when asriel is just. being genuine and unapologetically his dorky self;; dess is very fond of that az.

- sometimes asriel just calls dess as 'cember (this is terrible. she understands that bad at naming really does run in his family.) but like. shes not that creative either. she just calls him ass (lol) or az (she got it from kris calling him azzy, just shortened it a bit)

- dess has a bat with 'holiday' carved onto it. i just think thats nice

- beverage hcs for the gang: dess is a brown coffee enthusiast, asriel likes tea also but iced coffee with a ton of sugar is also cool. kris does not like anything with caffeine so apple juice would probably be their favorite. noelle likes sweet tea :)

#deltarune #ok like. i wanted these to be very lighthearted i think we deserve some nice nonangsty dess content #mail

[bandaigaeru]

comfort place - yang jeongin

→genre: friends to lovers →synopsis: comfort can manifest itself in many forms. some find it in the fantastical world of the arts. others find it in sports. but, for you, comfort is a person.  →word count: 6.5k →pairing: jeongin x gender neutral reader →warnings: drunk jeongin, mentions of puking

i. 

“Why are you doing that?” 

“Doing what?” 

“That,” your eyes go wide as you nod at his stature. He’s hunched over your trash can. Blue gloves shield his hands as he digs. 

“Oh. I think I lost my earring or something.” 

“And your first instinct was to search my trash can?” you quirk an eyebrow. Perhaps you should mention that this isn’t just any trash can, it’s your kitchen one. Full of discarded, burnt ramen and your roommate’s weird protein shakes that will clog your drain otherwise. 

He nods, as though this is the most normal first step to a lost earring. Yang Jeongin is many things, but being questionable is one of his strongest traits. 

You slip behind him to get to the fridge. Water bottles line the right half, more commonly known as your roommate’s side. You reach for one. 

“What are you doing on March twenty-fifth?” he asks, arms deep in your trashcan. He’s really going to endure this conversation without a single shred of his pride disappearing. 

You try not to look at him as you glance at the calendar. Two weeks away, the small square for that Saturday reads “NATIONALS” in large red letters. 

You hum to yourself. “Dog sitting.” 

“What?” he looks at you, eyes squinted in confusion, “Why?” 

“Danceracha’s going out of town for the dance contest. I told you this.” 

He exhales a deep, surrendering sigh as he straightens his back and plucks the gloves off. He shakes his hands in the cool air before starting for your sink. The calm stream of water trickles out. “Man. That sucks.” 

“Why?” you question. Your fingertips draw marks of condensation along the plastic. 

“I was gonna invite you to a party,” he mutters. A pout comes to his lips. For a moment, your heart drops. He looks the same as when you met him. All those years, long with memories but short in quantity, whizz past you. 

“Party?” you repeat. 

“Yeah,” he nudges the water stream off. 

Parties and Jeongin don’t mix well. History has proven this. 

“Whose party is it?” you start for the living room, knowing he’ll follow. 

“You don’t know him,” he says, his voice never once fading because, indeed, he’s on your tail. 

“Okay, but what’s his name?” 

“Chan. Actually,” he hesitates, “you might know him.” 

As you sink into the couch, chipped leather scratching your legs, you glance at him. His eyebrows are scrunched into his thinking stance. Then, his features light up once he finds the answer. “Do you remember sophomore year’s biology class?” 

You nod. 

“Remember when that senior came in to make fun of Mr. Lee?” 

Again, you nod. 

“His best friend is Chan. You probably saw them in our freshman yearbook for spirit week. They dressed up as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum for Twins Day.” 

Your mouth forms into an acknowledging part. “Got it.” In fact, the recurring image instantly pops into your head. You can thank all the hours spent staring at it with stifled laughter for that. 

“So what’s the party for?” 

He shrugs, “Some college achievement shit.” 

“And you got invited?” you laugh. Jeongin barely made it out of high school. He took one harrowed glance at the local campus and nearly cried. You don’t blame him, though. That place is stressful. Even as a freshman you can say this. 

He rolls his eyes. “I’m cool, you know? I don’t need to be in academics for them to know that.” 

“Sure,” you nod. 

“I’m serious!” His lips quirk up in a defensive manner that sends a spark through your chest. 

Among other things, Jeongin is confusing. Questionable and confusing. These are the words you say when someone asks you what he’s like. Because seriously, why does he always do things so infuriating yet endearing? 

He runs a hand through his hair as he unlocks his phone. His thumb works quickly to swipe through a message log before he tilts the phone so you can see. “See?” 

The conversation in question is short, a maximum of four texts. The details blur as he snatches his phone back as quickly as he showed it. Again, infuriating. 

“Are you planning on going alone, then?” 

This question makes him freeze. He stares at the wall wielding a mounted TV, whose black screen reflects the image of him by your side, shoulder to shoulder. A small smile tilts his lips. “I guess. People want me there. So I’ll find my niche.” 

See? Endearing. 

You have no doubts that he can find a place to fit in. He did it in high school and he’ll proceed to do it in the future. That’s just how he is. Plus, maybe he can allow someone else to feel safe too. Like he did for you. 

ii.

High school is a demon with a comforting smile. When you’re forced to transition, they tell you it’s all fun. Sunshine and rainbows, if you will. What they don’t tell you is that luck will always make it so you don’t get any of your friends in your classes. And this, with your contradicting lunch shifts, will slowly force you out of the friend group you had stuck with since elementary school. 

Perpetual tears are stocked behind your eyes. Waiting for the perfect moment to fall because let’s be honest, any minor inconvenience could push you over the edge. Stress does that to you. 

In third period of your second week, your math teacher announces that she’s decided on her seating chart. She makes you line up against the walls as she grabs her reference sheet, lined with the images of desks, names scribbled atop them. “Jeongin,” she says, pointing to a desk in the front row. 

A boy a few feet away from you steps out from the crowd to claim his desk. He’s wearing an oversized maroon hoodie whose back is marked “Yang” in white letters. 

Your teacher stops at the seat next to him. She glances at you and your heart drops. “Y/N,” she points to a desk. 

Sitting up front is worse than the incessant plagues of high school drama. All eyes permanently burn into the back of your head, even when not a single soul acknowledges you. 

As you try to settle into your seat, back a little stiff from trying to shrink yourself into a tiny marble, the boy beside you leans over. “Hey, you okay?” 

For the first time, your eyes lock. His remind you of the innocence of childhood, that blank yet full gaze. You nearly melt, but instead, your back loosens. 

“Yeah. I just don’t like sitting in the front,” you chuckle awkwardly. 

He smiles. Not one of the pity ones, but a real toothy smile. “Aww. Me neither, I always feel like everyone’s watching me.” 

Finally, a person who gets it. 

“But I just have to trick myself into not caring,” he says, glancing at the whiteboard. Shadows of poorly erased marker line the corners. 

Abruptly, after his serene gaze, he jumps back to you. “Do you like coffee by any chance?” 

Despite the initial shock of the question, you say, “Yeah, I do.” 

As it turns out, his family owns this huge coffee shop right next to the bookstore you used to frequent. His mom was rather happy to see a new face. On that day, she accepted you as family. 

And math didn’t turn out to be so hard that year. 

iii.

The apartment grows quiet after Jeongin inevitably has to leave. Your roommate’s dog comes trotting out from his room. His nose is upturned, scouting for a soul to give him attention. 

“Come here, Kkami,” you pat the empty spot on the couch beside you. He runs the rest of the way. Instead of resting on the couch cushion, he prefers your lap. This pickiness he obtained from his owner. 

Hyunjin’s anything but a bad roommate. He does the dishes, sweeps when he finds a large puff of Kkami’s fur traveling your hardwood like a tumbleweed, even brings home coffee when you have a huge study night ahead of you. However, when it comes to you and Jeongin, your mutual hangouts on weekends, he has a very specific need. And that’s to be around you two as little as possible. 

He claims it’s because he can’t stand third-wheeling. Jeongin refuses to understand this concept. “If we’re not dating, it’s not third-wheeling?” he’d said, numerous times. 

Hyunjin won’t budge on the subject. 

The tune set as Jeongin’s ringtone, chosen by him, plagues the air. You reach for your phone, placing a protective hand on Kkami’s side to prevent him from falling. 

“Hello?”

“Problem: What would you do if your brother told you he got a girlfriend?” 

You squint at your reflection in the TV between scene transitions. It looks odd without him beside you. “Which brother?” 

“Guess which one would make me more dumbfounded. Hint, it’s not the older one.” 

“Your younger brother got someone before you?” you snicker. Jeongin holds his pride in his individuality. Losing to a younger brother with something like this is hilarious. 

“This isn’t funny! Should I be a serious big brother and talk to him or should I just seethe in silence?” 

“Neither. Leave him alone.” 

He does something akin to a whine. “But-”

You stick up a finger, though he can’t see you as you interrupt, “C’mon, Jeongin. He’s a teenager. Let him be.” 

Sometimes, it feels like he’s the outsider and you’re the true, reasonable sibling. 

He sighs. You imagine him pushing his hair out of his eyes and staring up at his ceiling. All lost in the possibilities that lay before him, since you and him both know he won’t listen to you. 

“Can I hang up now?” you ask, glancing at the front door. 

“Are you gonna abandon me for your significant other too?” 

You scoff as the front door opens. “You’re ridiculous.” 

Hyunjin steps into the apartment. His hair is damp with sweat and lays jagged in front of his eyes. You raise a hand to wave. 

“It’s a real question, though. You know whoever it is will be jealous of me.” Now, you know, he’s just prodding for a reaction. You can practically hear the smirk in his voice. 

“Yes, Jeongin. I would one hundred percent drop you for some person who offers emotional stimulation,” you monotonously chide. 

Hyunjin gives you a curious look as he passes. You would think he’d be used to this by now. 

“Okay but,” Jeongin’s voice grows low as he settles onto his bed, “would you really? Tell me you won’t.” 

“I won’t,” you press your back deeper into the couch. It’s not like you’ve had many romantic opportunities since meeting him. Jeongin, though also needy, is more interesting than anyone else you’ve met. He’s a shiny emerald among a sea of charcoal. 

“Good,” he says, and you can tell he’s smiling. The image of his little dimple indenting makes you mirror the sentiment. 

“Now can I hang up?” 

“Fine,” he sighs.

Through a laugh, you manage, “Goodnight. Love you.” 

“Love you too.” And then the line goes dead. 

iv.

“Are you sure you don’t like him?” must be a trendy replacement for ‘good morning.’ 

“Who?” you ask, rubbing your eye as you start for the cereal cabinet. 

“Jeongin. Who else?” Hyunjin says. He sits at the kitchen table. A plate of freshly heated blueberry waffles sits before him. 

Without turning to him, you say, “I’m sure.” 

It’s a reflex, really. 

He exhales in the most exaggerated way possible to grab your attention. His eyes are cold with the hunger for an answer. A real one. 

“I don’t like him,” you say slowly, allowing each word time to sink into the air. 

The thought has surely crossed your mind. It’d be unrealistic to say you’ve never pondered the great possibility of being in love with your best friend. But ultimately, you don’t think you are. Sure, you’d take a bullet for Jeongin. Just not in the ‘wow I’m madly in love with you’ kind of way. You tell yourself it’s in the ‘you’re going to do so much good for the world’ kind of way. 

“Fine,” Hyunjin admits, picking up one of his waffles and taking a caveman bite. 

Most of breakfast is quiet as you sit opposite him, staring into your bowl. Your milky reflection takes you off guard a few times. 

“You know,” Hyunjin says after a while, his voice raw and a little croaky. He has to bring a hand to cover his mouth as he clears his throat. “You should get him to stay with you while I’m away.” 

As you look back up at him, he adds defensively, “I’m not trying to play Cupid.”

You shrug, “He probably has other plans.” 

Yet when you text him a few hours later, he jumps on it. “It’ll be like a sleepover! Don’t you miss when we did those?” 

You did, but you don’t admit it. 

v.

The week of nationals arrives too quickly for your mind to process. One minute, you’re studying for an upcoming exam and the next there’s a knock on your bedroom door. It doesn’t wait for a sound before opening. 

“Hey, I’m leaving.” 

Hyunjin’s dressed in black sweatpants and a black hoodie, which covers his messy hair. Perfect for his night of sleeping on the bus. A duffel bag packed and puffy hangs off his shoulder. 

“Good luck,” you smile up at him. 

“Thanks. Don’t try sneaking into the venue with your rat like you did last year,” he returns the smile. 

“Hey, it wasn’t my idea,” you rush to defend yourself. 

He scoffs. “Yeah, right. You still played into it.” 

“And we got to support you as your lovely friends.” 

“You were the only people cheering during the contemporary dance,” he mumbles, stepping back into the hall. 

“To be fair, we couldn’t realize because we were so involved!” you shout to match the increasing distance. 

“Right!” he calls, a laugh shaking his words. 

Studying is now a failed mission. Every time you glance at the words printed on the textbook’s glossed pages, they just blur together until your mind drifts to Jeongin. When is he coming over? He said he’d be here by seven. It’s roughly a quarter past. He has a key, so it’s not like you have to be free when he gets here.

When you succumb and close the textbook, you hear shuffling in the living room. Shortly followed by Kkami’s familiar barking, which he only pursues when someone’s here. 

The feeling of a generously excited puppy fills you as you follow the source. 

“Hi,” you smile. 

Jeongin has treated himself to a coffee. He must have just worked a shift. 

“Hi,” he hands you the paper cup. 

“Oh, is this for me?” you take it. It’s hot against your palms. 

“Yeah. It’s hot chocolate. Thought you might want it.” 

He drops his backpack, likely stuffed with potential party outfits, by the couch. He stands and scans your face as you take the first sip of the drink. The sweetness takes over and makes you shiver, but the warmth minimizes the shiver to nothing. Surely enough, this is his mother’s hot chocolate. 

“Thank you,” you say, looking into his eyes. The living room light has speckled his eyes with stars.

“Of course.” 

A moment passes of just looking at each other. Not a single word. You’re not even sure if you’re remembering to breathe. 

It breaks when he glances at the TV. “Movie time?” 

Settling on the couch doesn’t take long. He sits close enough to you, resting his head on your shoulder. He’s done this for as long as you remember, but why does it feel so close all of a sudden? 

He chooses the movie. A tradition you’ve established ever since you accidentally chose a movie so repulsively awful you had to take a break from watching movies at all. The teasing was barely bearable. 

Even now, when someone says something similar to that movie, you shiver. 

“Are we feeling sci-fi?” he asks. 

You almost shrug until you remember where his head is. “I don’t care,” you say instead. 

He chooses a romance movie, his safe pick. 

And he falls asleep not even ten minutes in. 

Hyunjin’s question returns to you in neon lights. Certainly, this tight feeling in your chest couldn’t be akin to liking someone. When you like someone, there’s always a telltale sign. There’s a bright moment of realization. That’s never come for you. Even now, all you can do is question. Question. Question. Question. 

vi.

Jeongin’s party outfit is the most conspicuous thing ever. A light blue tee from middle school that has all his classmate’s signatures on the back. Black jeans with holes at the knees. You can’t tell if he’s going to a child’s party or not. 

He catches your tilted gaze, matched with the furrowed eyebrows, and huffs. “Would you rather I get puke on a good shirt?” 

You blink. “I’d rather you not puke on yourself.” 

A noise close to laughter bursts past his lips. “Ha. Funny. I won’t reach that point. I’m thinking people puking on me.” 

You nod. Jeongin’s a lightweight, from what you know. But hey, if it helps him sleep at night. 

He departs after a long phone call with Chan. He offers a little wave as he opens the door. “I’ll give you live updates.” 

“You don’t have to.” 

“But I will.” 

And indeed, he follows through. Selfies bombard your phone every three minutes. One is taken with Chan, but it’s so shaky and dark that they look like blobs with highlighted cheeks. 

These only make you more confused. Maybe Hyunjin was right. But you don’t want him to be. Nothing makes you feel more foolish than catching feelings for a friend who is just that. Friend. That painful, heartbreaking word. 

You open Hyunjin’s message log, prepared to reach out and ask if he can help you break down what you’re feeling, but his contact transitions to consuming your entire screen—perfect timing, he’s calling. 

“Hello?” 

“Guess what?” His voice is drowned out by external shouts. 

“What?” 

“We took second place!”

“Congrats,” you smile to yourself, leaning against the couch arm. 

“It’s all thanks to Felix’s freestyle. That surprise category threw us off, but he really came through,” he rambles. He tells you about all his points and each error, which ultimately seem mundane but apparently make a difference in his detail loving mind. 

“Anyway, I just wanted to call. See how you’re doing, you know.”

“I’m doing good,” you nod as though to convince yourself. 

“How’s Jeongin?” 

“At a party,” you say as your phone buzzes again. Another selfie. This time, he’s in a lonesome bathroom and posing in the mirror. A peace sign that surrounds his eye. That stupid dimple makes your heart jump. 

Hyunjin giggles at something on his end and says something not aimed at you. He quickly returns to his serious tone with, “How are you really feeling? Don’t bullshit me.” 

You stifle a laugh. Resting your head on the back of the couch, you glare at the ceiling, “Confused.” 

“About Jeongin?” 

He slips into a quieter place. You sigh. Why are your hands shaking all of a sudden? “Yeah.” 

“Well,” he starts, “I pushed you into thinking about it for a reason.” 

“He doesn’t like me like that.” 

“How do you know?” 

“Because friends don’t like friends like that.” 

“But you like him like that, so doesn’t that ruin your statement?” 

You sit in the silence for a minute. “I guess so.” 

His breath is amplified and you can hear each inhale and exhale. “You’ll probably just brush this off, but I think you have a shot.” 

You nod. “Sure. A shot at going to the moon maybe. A shot at Jeongin liking me? No way.” 

“Look, pessimism isn’t gonna get you anywhere. If you’re too much of a pussy to talk to him, I will. But not because I want to, because it’s terrible seeing you sulk,” he mutters. 

A round of applause for your roommate. 

“Just give me some time. I still don’t know if I like him,” you glance at the dog, who’s cuddled up on a pile of blankets. Why can’t your life be that simple? 

“Not trying to force you or anything, but I think you know the answer to that.” 

He’s probably right. It’s not like you can retaliate anyway. There’s a distant knock before he says, “Sorry. I gotta go. I’ll be home tomorrow.” 

The following silence is truly suffocating. 

vii.

That party changes everything. 

Jeongin stumbles home, each step a potential path to faceplanting. It’s this exact stumble that forces him to trip over a box. 

The noise draws you from sleep. Through squinted eyes, you stare at him as he tries to regain his balance. His arms are splayed out, searching for a stable support beam. 

“Jeongin?” you whisper, though you know it’s him. Who else would be drunkenly returning home at, you glance at your phone, three in the morning?

“Y/N,” he gasps. Your voice prompts him to follow it. 

As you stand, he finds his way through the narrow path between couch and coffee table. He throws his arms around you. 

“I missed you,” he mumbles, words meshing together. 

“I missed you too?” It’s only been six hours. 

He holds you at arms length, palms resting on your shoulders. “I love you,” he slurs, eyes drunkenly taking a long blink. 

“I love you too?” 

“No, like, I really love you. ‘The moon is beautiful’ type of stuff,” he nods. 

You’re not sure what he means by this. But it doesn’t matter if you try to question him, because he continues. 

“I think about the future a lot,” he says, hands falling to his sides before he falls onto the couch. “Nothing’s ever consistent. But you’re always there.” 

“That’s-” you begin. 

He wasn’t finished. “I think our wedding would be nice.” 

Now, he goes silent as you stand there in shock. He thinks about that? How often? 

The moment your lips part to ask these things, a light snore escapes his lips. You grab a blanket from your room, the Totoro one he loves, and you gently cover him. You lean over his face. His cheeks are a little swollen, as are his lips. You push his hair away from his eyes before going to your room. You’re careful not to make a noise as you shut the door. 

He’s gone by the time you wake up. For the first twenty-four hours, you shrug it off as a painful hangover he’s just sleeping through. 

Most hangovers don’t last a week, though. 

One time, sitting beneath a sky littered with stars, Jeongin released a deep breath. “Do you think we’ll ever stop being friends?” 

Jeongin’s not insecure about many things, as his philosophy is that if one person finds something unattractive, there’s a hoard who will think otherwise. But this topic is an exception. 

“Unless you do something unthinkably terrible, no,” you mumble. And you truly meant it. 

So, Jeongin: You haven’t done anything unthinkable.Why have you disappeared? 

Life without Jeongin has been incredibly boring. It’s prompted an imminent heartache. Attending class is a lame option considering your bed is so much more comfortable. You never knew missing someone could form a black hole in your body, consuming each grain of energy. 

Hyunjin’s the only reason you’re eating. Since he knows you’re not up for any meal, he brings you snacks and another bottle of water—to add to the mountain of empty bottles on your desk. 

“Do I need to go break his ankles?” Hyunjin asks one day, nearly a month after his tournament. 

You shrug. You know he’s joking, but laughter doesn’t seem to bubble up. It’s lost in the dark cave that is this confusing state. 

“I texted him today. No response yet,” Hyunjin adds. 

You nod. You got the same treatment, but you stopped trying a while ago. 

“Have you gone to the coffee shop? To see his mom or something?” 

You shake your head. “No point in it. He doesn’t tell her much. Plus I don’t want to pin her against him or anything.” 

Hyunjin sighs. He doesn’t know what else to say, or offer, or do to help you. Not that you’re a lost cause, but he’s starting to lose the ounce of hope he had. To him, you’re too good for this. Telling and convincing you of that is a difficult task. 

When he leaves you alone, you cry again. At this point, your eyes hurt when you aren’t crying. But hey, at least you’re sleeping nice. The desperate need to escape can do that to you. 

viii.

You tell Hyunjin your conclusion at dinner—something he’s finally tricked you into eating. “I think I love him.” 

He nods. “Yeah. Didn’t we already establish that?” 

You push the noodles around. “I didn’t want to admit it.” 

“Why?” 

Averted gaze set to the ramen, though his remains scalding. “I don’t know.”

He reaches across the table to regain your focus. He knows the noodles aren’t that interesting. “That’s okay. Look, we can go beat his ass if you want. Or we can hunt him down and hold him hostage-”

He stops when he sees the small hint of a smile turning your lips up. One of his own appears, and in his mind, he’s breaking into a congratulatory dance. The crack in the sadness is exposed, and it’s slowly breaking further. All that’s next is revealing the ravine of happiness. 

After dinner, you sit on the couch and decide to watch a movie. Unlike Jeongin, he gives you movie pick. It reminds you of the bitter taste that’s overcome your mouth since he up and left. 

Halfway through the movie, some shitty one Jeongin and you watched a few months ago, Kkami barks at the couch. He looks between you and the crack behind it as if to say, “Hello? Get my bone!” 

You glance at Hyunjin, who also waits for you to get up and retrieve the dog’s lost bone. Normally you take turns with this task, but he seems to have forgotten it’s been his turn for the last five times. 

With a muted sigh, you pull yourself off the couch. Hyunjin doesn’t even bother to pause the movie. Jeongin wouldn’t do that.  

You lower yourself to look into the dark tunnel. With a blind hand you swipe against the floor. A small object connects with the palm of your hand. You drag it out. A small metal earring glares back at you. You drop it in the pocket of your hoodie—which was a gift from Jeongin as you drifted into adulthood. You return to the bone search with a sting in your eyes. 

ix.

Happiness is a fragile object. 

At the same hour that Jeongin had said the unthinkable, your phone buzzes loudly against your side. Ultimately, this brings you back to the post-sleep daze as you trudge to answer it. Looking at the contact is the last of your concerns. 

“Hello?” Your voice is raw. A long gulp of water would be kindly appreciated. 

“Hey, Y/N, right?” This is a voice you’ve never heard before. You pull back to look at the contact and, unsurprisingly, there isn’t one. All that stares back is a string of numbers, unique to this person. 

“Yeah?” 

“Hi, sorry for the late call. I’m Chan-” you nearly hang up out of defensive instinct, but you let him finish. “I kind of need a favor right now.” 

“What kind of favor?” 

In the background, there’s a loud retching noise. “Um, so Jeongin, right?” Chan nervously laughs. 

“We’re not really-” you start. 

He interrupts, “I know. But he’s been talking about you nonstop. He’s really a wimp, you know. Actually, I guess I’m not really asking for a favor. I’m doing you a favor.” 

You know where he’s going with this. “I’m sorry, Chan, but I don’t think that’s a-”

“Hush,” he says before his voice distances. 

“Y/N? It’s Y/N?” the familiar, slurred voice asks. 

He wasn’t going to give you an option. Deep down, you’re kind of grateful for that. 

When Chan returns to the phone, he says, “I can send you the address. We’re on the first floor, so it shouldn’t be too bad. I would offer to come pick you up, but I’m babysitting.” At these final words, he laughs. 

You consider waking up Hyunjin to take you—he’s the one with the car—but you think against it when you realize it’s only a five minute walk. 

Despite the daytime weather that is clear sky and sun that hugs your skin, the nighttime 

version is a little less welcoming. Indeed the air is breezeless, but it’s a bitter cold. Grabbing a hoodie would have been smart, but alas. 

Chan opens the door with a smile. “Hi, come on in.” 

He points to a closed door, “Jeongin’s in there. He should be decent. Just a little pukey.” 

You follow his directions, while he starts for the couch. At least he’s allowing privacy, you think. You knock lightly on the door. After a long trial of waiting with no response, you slowly push the door open. 

His cheek is resting on the cold porcelain of the bathtub. Through dazed and squinted eyes, he looks at you. “Hi?” 

“Hey,” you say, stepping into his space for the first time in over a month. Despite the stain of puke on his shirt, you realize that he hasn’t changed much. What physical changes can someone go through in a month? Well. Everything. 

You appreciate your mind for allowing his appearance to never leave. Otherwise, you might have looked at him just now and been disgusted. Because it’s Jeongin, and because of this weird tugging feeling in your chest, you don’t. In its place, you look at him as though he holds the world’s most valuable object. 

He tries to sit up, nearly falls on his face, but manages. “Do you hate me?” 

“No. I don’t think so,” you squat next to him. The familiar weight of his head meets with your shoulder. 

“I shouldn’t say this,” he laughs. His mind is going a mile a minute, but his lips refuse to go at an accompanying speed. “I love you.” 

You stare at the top of his head. “I love you too.” 

“Really?” he lifts his head. He seems to search your eyes for the similar sparkle his hold. 

“Yeah,” you nod. You decide to save your cheesy comments until the morning. No point in wasting them if he won’t remember this when he wakes up. 

“Did you know that I,” he says, trying to lift himself to his feet. He leans a little too far on a foot, prompting you to rush and steady him. “thought you and Hyunjin were dating for the longest time.” He laughs again. 

You squint at him, “Is that why you disappeared?” 

A drunk smile finds his lips and his cheeks glow beneath the bathroom light. “Guilty.” 

“You’re stupid for thinking it’d ever be anyone but you,” you whisper, glancing anywhere but him. You could say this to the mirror too. Stupid for thinking it could be anyone but him. 

He’s ridiculous. Ridiculous enough to allow his smile to drop a little as he leans closer to your face. “I’m going to kiss you,” he whispers. 

You watch as he leans a little bit closer. Bit by bit. You even close your eyes at one point. At the last minute, when his breath begins to mingle with yours, he pulls away. “No. Let me brush my teeth first.” 

You watch in a stunned silence as he stumbles to the living room. “Do you have a spare toothbrush I could use?” he asks Chan. 

Chan responds quietly with, “Yeah, under the sink.” 

You beat Jeongin to it, offering him the packaged toothbrush. 

“Thanks, love,” he says. 

Questionable Jeongin who calls you pet names. You like it, though you’ll try your hardest not to admit it. That’d only feed into his questionable choices. 

Minty Jeongin has sobered up a little bit. Instead of kissing you immediately after rinsing his mouth, he stares. 

“What?” you prompt. 

“Nothing.” 

And then he leans in and kisses you. In all honesty, it’s exactly how you imagined kissing him. There’s no stereotypical sparks. It’s just Jeongin, whose lips happen to be on yours. That’s enough. Afterward, though, you acknowledge that Cloud 9 is beneath your feet. 

x.

Chan drives you and Jeongin back to your apartment after a difficult talk and one final puke. (The puker looks at you when he feels it coming and asks, “Can you hold my hair back?”)

As you’re helping Jeongin out of the car, Chan leans back in the driver seat and glares a strong eye at Jeonign, “Run away again and I will beat your ass.” 

Jeongin chuckles. “Right. Catch me first.” As he says this, he throws his arm over your shoulder for stability. Though, he’s sober enough to walk on his own now. The occasional stumble, sure, but he’s not in dire need of someone to guide him. 

You take it as his way of saying he plans on staying. 

However, when you make it into the apartment, you don’t bear right to the couch. 

Keeping him close will prevent him sneaking out and running away again. That’s a thing of the past, and you’ll make sure of it. 

He doesn’t even complain. 

“Don’t puke on me, please,” you whisper as you climb into bed. He follows shortly after. Arms naturally find your waist as he pulls you closer to him. 

He hums. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

Dreamless sleep takes over you, but the entire time you’re aware of his arms and his proximity. In a way, it’s better than dreaming. 

It’s even better when you wake up before him. His lips are a pretty shade of pink and for a moment you forget about his eventful night. You press a light kiss to his cheek. 

His eyes don’t open, nor does he stir. He’s in that beautiful, drunken sleep. You try not to laugh at the thought of his hangover to come. God, he’s going to be so whiny. 

You try to slip out of his arms, but the death grip only becomes tighter. He whines a little, mutters something like, “Don’t go.” 

After a few more minutes of just staring at the sleeping boy, boredom takes over. Yeah, staring is nice and all, whatever, but it reaches a certain intolerable point. Ten minutes is that point. 

You nudge him, “Jeongin, let go. I need to go to the bathroom.” 

“No,” he mutters, burying his face deeper into the pillow. 

“Jeongin.” 

“What?” 

“Let go.” 

His eyes finally open. They hold a small sense of surprise, which prompts you to tease, “What? Do you need a breakdown of what happened? Were you seriously that out of it?” 

“No. Well, a little,” he stumbles over the words. 

“What do you remember?” 

“Puking,” he winces as he laughs. There’s that signature headache. 

“You don’t remember kissing me?” 

Wide eyes stare back at you. His lip shakes as he tries to force words out. “What?” 

You laugh quietly. “Yeah. You did that.” 

“I’m sorry,” he sits up. His vacant arms feel cold. 

“No it’s okay. You only kissed me because I told you I loved you,” you sit up to match him. 

His head turns to look at you. Tufts of hair stick up in an oddly symmetrical way. “Really? Since when?” 

You nod. “Yeah. Time frame is unknown, but I think the feeling might have always been there. So you wasted a month of your life hiding.” 

He tips his head, “Hey now, I had a valid reason.” 

Your eyes squint at him. “It could have been avoided if you answered my texts. Or Hyunjin’s. Or if you checked your voicemail. Or-”

“Okay, I get it,” he nods, leaning in to shut you up. He presses a quick kiss to your lips. “I’m sorry.” He doesn’t say how weird it feels to kiss his best friend—but he’s incredibly excited to get used to it. 

“It’s fine. I think. My grades kind of tanked,” you comment, glancing at your desk. The tower of water bottles still stands. Somewhere buried beneath them are your abandoned papers. 

“Because of me?” his voice is soft, as are his eyes as he fights back the sting of tears. Of all his intentions, this wasn’t one of them. 

This look pains you. “Kinda. I thought I had lost my comfort place.” 

In order to disguise his tears, he pulls you into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry. I’ll be good to you. We can make latte art together at the shop and stargaze at stupid hours. Whatever you want.” 

You laugh into his shoulder. “Is that a promise?” 

He sniffles. “Yes. I love you. That’s the second promise.” 

xi.

Hyunjin’s reaction is lackluster. A forced gasp as he waves his hands in surprise. “Wow. I totally didn’t give Chan your number or anything,” he says. 

“Are you serious?” 

“Yeah. He called me trying to drop him,” he points at Jeongin, “on me.”

“And you didn’t want to get out of bed?” Jeongin asks, bringing his mug of freshly brewed coffee to his lips. 

“No,” Hyunjin sticks a finger up in defense. “Kkami wouldn’t let me move.” 

What he means is: Yes, I didn’t want to get up but allow me to use my dog as a ploy. 

You and Jeongin share a glance to confirm this thought. You burst out laughing. 

“Do not tell me you’ve developed a couple's telepathy already,” Hyunjin whines, throwing his head back as he begins to pace the kitchen. 

Jeongin begs your stare again. He wiggles his eyebrows to pseudo-communicate. 

“I’m going to retail therapy,” Hyunjin sighs, dragging his keys off the counter before starting for the door. 

A loud fit of laughter fills the air as the door shakes in its frame. 

“He’s so overdramatic,” Jeongin manages, wiping a stray tear away from his eye. 

You allow this time to watch him intently. All of his details flood over you with definitive clarity. His skin has gotten its first film of tan now that spring is in full swing. A change of season which you had missed out on together. It’s okay, he’ll take you to see the cherry blossoms next year. 

“Oh, I found your earring, by the way,” you say when he catches you staring. 

“Really? Where was it?” On instinct, he brings his hand up to his right ear. The lobes are not blinged, but it’s still worth checking. 

“Behind the couch.” 

He gapes at you. “How’d it get back there?” 

“How would I know?” 

You allow a silence to lay upon you as his face twists to think. All at once, it lights up again, “Ah. It was probably when we had that wrestling match. I didn’t have the back on because my ear was itchy or something.” 

Interesting Jeongin. Questionable Jeongin. 

Yang Jeongin is many things. Home. Comfort. Love. Above all else, he’s a friend. Who you happen to kiss from time to time. 

#posted on april fools because surprise haha #also because i don’t think this is my best but eh #yang jeongin #jeongin x reader #jeongin imagine #jeongin oneshot #stray kids oneshot #skz oneshot #stray kids jeongin #stray kids imagine #skz imagine #bandaigaeru