#agere valerie | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

agerefandom · 1 year

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Top 10: Tumblr vs. AO3

Just felt like doing some statistics with my work!! Comparing AO3 popular fics vs. tumblr popular fics and seeing what I found out: thought other people might be interested as well! Ramblings about patterns and causes are under the ‘read more’ :P

AO3 (by kudos):

Class Outing: BNHA, regressor!Izuku (1247 kudos)

Only Heaven I’ll Be Sent To: Resident Evil, regressor!reader, caregiver!Lady Dimitrescu (759 kudos)

Cold Palms, Warm Heart: Twilight, regressor!reader, caregivers!Alice and Jasper (573 kudos)

The Doctor’s Office: Twilight, regressor!reader, caregiver!Carlisle (403 kudos)

Kitchen Friends: Marvel, regressor!reader, caregiver!Steve and Bucky (336 kudos)

Sound and Silence: BNHA, regressor!Aizawa, cg!Hizashi (321 kudos)

Restrained: Death Note, regressor!Light, caregiver!L (309 kudos)

A Story For Sans: regressor!Sans, caregiver!Papyrus (278 kudos)

Home Sweet Home: caregivers!Carlisle and Esme, regressor!Cullens (273 kudos)

To Weather The Storm: caregiver!Tamaki, regressor!Haruhi (238 kudos)

Tumblr (fics only):

Class Outing (167 notes)

Cold Palms, Warm Heart (159 notes)

The Playtime Solution: Sanders Sides, regressor!Logan (159 notes)

The Doctor’s Office (150 notes)

Sugary Sweet: Twilight, regressor!reader, cg!Jasper and Alice (150 notes)

Kitchen Friends (125 notes)

Only Heaven I’ll Be Sent To (116 notes)

What Family Is: Harry Potter, regressor!reader, cg!Remus and Sirius (116 notes)

Just Plane Overwhelmed: Sanders Sides, regressor!Virgil (111 notes)

Golden Slumbers: Harry Potter, regressor!reader and Harry, cg!Fred (110 notes)

Overall Tumblr Top 10:

Caregiver Valerie Frizzle headcanons & moodboard (409 notes)

Writing Prompts 2019 / 2022 (290/365 notes)

Caregivers Tiana and Naveen headcanons (244 notes)

Caregiver Jack Skellington moodboard (229 notes)

Caregiver Morticia Addams moodboard (224 notes)

Regressor Wybie Moodboard (205 notes)

Caregiver Bruno Madrigal headcanons (201 notes)

Caregiver Jack Skellington headcanons (191 notes)

Caregivers Sundrop and Moondrop headcanons (189 notes)

Caregiver Belle headcanons (182 notes)

This was really interesting!!

Re: overall tumblr top 10: I think it’s funny that my throwaway moodboards are often some of the most popular content on my blog. Things I’m just like ‘ooh I gotta make this’ are mixed in with requests, I think that’s interesting! Ms. Frizzle just blowing away the competition, that’s amazing and I love it. Nothing is even close to how popular she is, and she deserves it. Jack Skellington coming onto the list twice? Come through king, I would love to write a full fic in Halloweentown sometime.

Generally, the more ‘alternative’ characters seem to get a lot more attention on my blog: The Pumpkin King, Morticia, Wybie, Sundrop and Moondrop... Tiana and Naveen really snuck up there though!

Moving onto the more direct fic comparison:

....well this made me realize that I never published my Sanders Sides fics from this blog on AO3, whoops

Setting that aside, fics with angst and plot tend to do better on AO3, while fluffy stories do better on tumblr: Sugary Sweet doesn’t even hit my top 10 on AO3 and it’s one of the fluffiest fics I’ve ever written, coming in at #5 on the tumblr list

On the other hand, Only Heaven I’ll Be Sent To is by far one of my best performing fics on AO3, but comes in at number 6 (tied with another fic) on tumblr, probably because it features a lot of action and gore alongside the fluffy agere elements, same for Restrained showing up on the AO3 top but not tumblr’s.

My Harry Potter fics do way better on tumblr, which is interesting? Maybe Harry Potter fans are still reading their fics on independent forums? Or Harry Potter folks on AO3 don’t cross over much with the agere crowd. (Or maybe they’re just overloaded with /reader fics) I haven’t been actually into the HP community since around 2011 so I’m not sure what’s up there.

Big shoutout to Class Outing for dominating the top of both lists: BNHA is such a big fandom that it makes sense, and I wrote that fic on @agere-fandom-time, which I think got more interaction than this blog: it seems like people are more comfortable interacting with a group-run blog, rather than an individual writer. Or maybe that’s a natural consequence of more writers putting out more consistent content, letting the blog get bigger. I’m not sure! Either way, even if I’m not into BNHA anymore, I feel like it’s a good piece of my writing, so I’m happy for it to be my top spot.

#how do i tag this lol #hark i say nothing #stella babbles in statistics #ao3 stats are one of my hobbies #i love to compare years and fandoms and ships and tags #i have like over a hundred graphs on my computer for different comparisons #i've considered making a sideblog for it #but i can also just ramble to my partner #like a person with a conspiracy board #it's great #links.... so many links

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pennyroks77 · 7 months

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currently in love with this agere prompt generator, so I'm drawing lots of smol Valeries with it :)

#this is going to be a sticker pack!#wordgirl #art #oc #valerie wordgirl #valerie best #stickers

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cg-saturn · 1 year

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Haii ish me leo, what's a terf? I'm sorry but I dunno much words

CW- transphobia mention

NOT LITTLE RELATED

Hi Leo! Terf stands for "trans - exclusionary radical feminists". They're a yucky group of (mostly) cis* women who believe both radfem* ideas and that trans people are just 'confused' somehow. Unfortunately, a lot of people still think being trans or gender nonconforming is a choice or mental illness. The only "choice" we have as trans people is whether or not we allow ourselves to be who we are or silently suffer with crawling skin and constant longing.

Most people who follow these ideas consider themselves feminists, but in reality still believe in the idea of a superior sex, and want to see a matriarchy instead of a patriarchy, or an afab*-dominated world. A famous example of a terf is Valerie Solanas, the author of the Scum Manifesto in the 1960s. She, along with many others, believed that amab* and afab people should basically switch stereotypical roles. As a radicalist, she spread the idea that amab's should be made slaves to afab's, and a lot of other hate towards all amab people including violent threats and even being known for shooting Andy Warhol (who did, we can all admit, deserved it- just not for the reason she did it, plus he survived so... c'mon how bad could it have been, she was an awful shot /j).

Most terfs have some tendency of hating amabs, but they ALL believe that trans people are invalid and/or 'wrong'. Even modern day, we have current terfs in the media- like the author of Harry Potter, she who shall not be named. She's been well known to make anti-trans remarks and yet still claim the cover of "feminism", claiming trans people have inherently evil intentions and need to be kept away from others for 'safety' reasons. She's not the only anti-trans 'feminist' today either. Unfortunately, there's many people out there who still think we're 'dangerous' or 'dirty' for being authentic.

As a member of the trans community, I can say- without a doubt- that no one wants to go through all the trouble of passing* just to come watch you use the public bathroom. No one. And if you're worried about that happening, why not introduce single stall bathrooms to provide both privacy and comfort for everyone, like the one in your own home. The only thing that matters in my pants is what I'm trying not to get on them /hj

Anyway, I'm going to just stop this here because there's a lot more I could say but that's not what this account is about. Everything on my dni list is designed to keep me personally happy and comfortable in my safe space. I can't control what other people do and don't interact with or believe in, but I can control my own online area. Not everything in my dni is something i consider bad, i just dont want to see it! (Terfs, however, are bad). Just don't interact with me. I don't need to hear if someone disagrees, just simply don't interact, block me or whatever you need to do, and move on. That's the great thing about the internet, if you have a different opinion you can just simply find a different account to follow.

♡♡♡

*'YOU' IS NOT IN REFERENCE TO LEO, IT IS A GENERALIZED PRONOUN TO THOSE WHO IT APPLIES TO (yes, "you" is a pronoun)*

Acronyms and weird words:

Cis*- a person who identifies with their assigned birth gender

Radfem* - radical feminist, such as those named above

Afab* - assigned female at birth

Amab* - assigned male at birth

Passing* - when trans people take measures towards outwardly presenting as their real gender (hair styles, outfit choices, surgery, etc).

Dni: k!nk/nsfw, maps, terfs, homophobes, transphobes, anti-agere, furries

#answered

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monochromatictoad · 9 months

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#toadscreech for my text post, #toadwrites for my writing/drabbles, #snailmail for asks, #toadvent for my vents, #monos f/os for posts specifically about my f/os, #toadimage for any sort of imagery of S/I or me, #toad talks Castlevania for specific Castlevania posts, #C:LoS/Pokemon for my LoS Pokémon au. I will try to update this with my other tags as I remember them. Also, this post will be tagged with all these tags, because I'm on mobile and the blog search bar is not great.

One more thing: I don't mind if you also Self-ship with any of my F/Os, especially with my main one Gabriel. While I do have RSD, it doesn't seem to bother me when others ship themselves or have ships involved with any of my F/Os. If this changes, I'll let you know.

My 18+ blog is here.

My agere blog!

My Observation Duty ask blog

Writing Blog!

My Digital Altar

I mostly gush about Castlevania Lords of Shadow, but I also am in a ton of other fandoms as well. I should also mention that I don't partake in ship discourse and I don't have a DNI on this blog. If I reblog something that does have a dni banner, I will tag it appropriately, usually with #proship dni, #proship dni banner, #anti dni, etc. I try not to get ranty or spread a lot of discourse here, being argumentative is just not my thing and I try to be a neutral party on most things. However, if you do see things like this on this blog, I try to tag it with #discourse, #politics, or #toadvent. I also try to tag trigger warnings where applicable (though I appreciate if someone could also let me know if I missed something.)

Look under the Read More for my f/os! (This list is currently being edited, bear with me)

Romantic F/Os:

🩷Gabriel🩷 (Castlevania Lords of Shadows. Husband!)

🕊️Marie🕊️ (Mine and Gabriel's wife.)

🎃 Drake 🎃 (original character. Also Husband!)

🔔Usiel🔔 (Darksiders. Fiance)

🗡️War🗡️ (Darksiders. Boyfriend, poly with Uriel)

🪽Uriel🪽 (Darksiders. Girlfriend, poly with War)

♨️Red♨️ (NES Godzilla Creepypasta. Demon bf)

💪HUGE MAN💪 (I'm on observation duty. Big bf)

🃏Jester🃏 (Puppet Master. Kinda dating.)

🦝Tom Nook🦝 (Animal Crossing. Partner in business.)

🔗Cyrus🔗 (Pokemon)

QPR F/Os:

🦷Baraka🦷 (Mortal Kombat. All versions)

🦎Reptile/Syzoth🦎 (Mortal Kombat. All versions)

💫Starscream💫 (Transformers, all versions.)

🐐Chupacabra🐐 (C:LoS. Endearing little gremlin.)

🎐Vulgrim🎐 (Darksiders.)

Platonic/Familiar F/Os:

🐺Trevor/Alucard🐺 (not the ship, Gabriel's son is simultaneously Trevor and Alucard, and I might flip flop name used.)

🪡Laura🪡 (C:LoS. My daughter)

🕷️ Myrrh🕷️ (C:LoS Oc and also my child)

🎇Toymaker🎇 (C:LoS. Technically father-in-law, Gabriel's adopted dad.)

💐Dis💐 (Darksiders. Mom)

🔥Alder🔥 (Pokemon. Dad)

👘Valerie👘 (Pokemon. Sister)

🥪Arven🥪 (Pokemon. Brother)

🍜Naruto🍜 (Naruto. Brother)

💲Kakuzu💲(Naruto. My dad)

💉Puppets💉 (Puppet Master. Everyone but Jester)

🐀Six🐀 📺Mono📺🏹Low🏹🔧Alone🔧🎈Raincoat Girl🎈🍖Runaway boy🍖 (All from little nightmares. Also all my kids) I might also use the tag #The kids for pics or stuff that includes all of them!

🐾Nooklings🐾 (Timmy and Tommy. my babies.)

🌼Trey🌼 (N!Trevor. He will be known as Trey on this blog. Reason. My friend.)

Unknown Status F/Os:

🏰Castle🏰 (Gabriel's Castle. It makes my brain go feral.)

🖥️AM🖥️ (Allied Mastercomputer. Mmmm..)

🧬Alex Mercer🧬 (Prototype. I wanna study him, and he probably wants to study me back)

Pet F/Os:

Click Here!

#toadscreech #C:LoS/Pokemon #toadwrites #toadimage #toad talks Castlevania #snailmail #snail queue #toadvent #recipes #recipe #cooking with mono #monos f/os

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phoenix-is-here · 1 year

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I made OCs !

Nat :

Height : 1m97

Age : 16

Birthday : 19/4

Romantic Attraction : Gay

Sexual Attraction : Gay

Gender Identity : Cisgender Male

Pronouns : He/They

Brothers : None

Sisters : 1 Younger (- 8 years)

Other : None

Family : No One (Violent Parents)

Crush : No One

Date : Eddy

Writing hand : Both

Favorite Color : Violet

Favorite Splatoon idol : Marina

Favorite Welcome Home Character : Eddie Dear

Favorite Layton game : Azran Legacy

PSY State : Not Psychic

Agere : Age Regressor (6 - 9)

Kami :

Height : 1m42

Age : 16

Birthday : 5/7

Romantic Attraction : Bisexual

Sexual Attraction : Demi-Sexual

Gender Identity : Demi-Girl

Pronouns : She/Her

Brothers : None

Sisters : 1 Younger (- 5 years)

Other : None

Family : One Dad

Crush : No One

Date : Emmy

Writing hand : Right

Favorite Color : Blue

Favorite Splatoon idol : Shiver

Favorite Welcome Home Character : Poppy Pardrige

Favorite Layton game : Unwound Future

PSY State : Psychic

Agere : Caregiver

Emmy :

Height : 1m44

Age : 16

Birthday : 8/4

Romantic Attraction : Lesbian

Sexual Attraction : Lesbian

Gender Identity : Cisgender Female

Pronouns : She/Her

Brothers : None

Sisters : None

Other : None

Family : One Dad

Crush : No One

Date : Kami

Writing hand : Both

Favorite Color : Red

Favorite Splatoon idol : Frye

Favorite Welcome Home Character : Barnaby Beagle

Favorite Layton game : Unwound Future

PSY State : Psychic

Agere : Age Regressor (5 - 6)

Eddy :

Height : 1m58

Age : 16

Birthday : 17/8

Romantic Attraction : Pansexual

Sexual Attraction : Pansexual

Dead Name : Luna

Gender Identity : FtM

Pronouns : He/She/They

Brothers : None

Sisters : None

Other : None

Family : One Mom

Crush : No One

Date : Nat

Writing hand : Left

Favorite Color : Brown

Favorite Splatoon idol : Marie

Favorite Welcome Home Character : Frank Frankly

Favorite Layton game : Layton’s Mystery Journey

PSY State : Psychic

Agere : Caregiver

Yàn :

Height : 1m48

Age : 16

Birthday : 3/7

Romantic Attraction : Pansexual

Sexual Attraction : Asexual

Dead Name : Paisley

Bio Gender : Female

Gender Identity : Agender

Pronouns : They/Them

Brothers : None

Sisters : None

Other : None

Family : Two Moms

Crush : Kevin, Valery

Date : No One

Writing hand : Right

Favorite Color : Red

Favorite Splatoon idol : Frye

Favorite Welcome Home Character : Julie Joyful

Favorite Layton game : Pandora’s Box

PSY State : Not Psychic

Agere : Flip (4 - 5)

Kylie :

Height : 1m93

Age : 16

Birthday : 21/12

Romantic Attraction : Lesbian

Sexual Attraction : Demi-Sexual

Gender Identity : Cisgender Female

Pronouns : He/Him

Brothers : 1 Younger (- 1 year)

Sisters : 1 Older (+ 8 years)

Other : 1 Older (+ 12 years)

Family : One Mom

Crush : No One

Date : Holden

Writing hand : Left

Favorite Color : Green

Favorite Splatoon idol : Pearl

Favorite Welcome Home Character : Eddie Dear

Favorite Layton game : Specter’s Call

PSY State : Not Psychic

Agere : Flip (1 - 11)

Layla :

Height : 1m86

Age : 16

Birthday : 28/9

Romantic Attraction : Aromantic

Sexual Attraction : Asexual

Dead Name : Derek

Gender Identity : MtF

Pronouns : They/He/She

Brothers : 1 Older (FtM) (+ 2 years)

Sisters : 1 Older (+ 12 years)

Other : 1 Older (Non-binary) (+ 2 years)

Family : Two Dads

Crush : None

Date : None

Writing hand : Right

Favorite Color : Black

Favorite Splatoon idol : Shiver

Favorite Welcome Home Character : Barnaby Beagle

Favorite Layton game : Unwound Future

PSY State : Not Psychic

Agere : Caregiver

Holden :

Height : 1m67

Age : 16

Birthday : 10/5

Romantic Attraction : Omnisexual

Sexual Attraction : Asexual

Dead Name : Gael

Bio Gender : Male

Gender Identity : Non-binary

Pronouns : She/Her

Brothers : None

Sisters : 1 Older (+ 11 years)

Other : Non

Family : Grandparents (Dead Parents)

Crush : No One

Date : Kylie

Writing hand : Both

Favorite Color : Orange

Favorite Splatoon idol : Frye

Favorite Welcome Home Character : Wally Darling

Favorite Layton game : Layton’s Mystery Journey

PSY State : Psychic

Agere : Flip (5 - 7)

Valery :

Height : 1m98

Age : 16

Birthday : 23/5

Romantic Attraction : Gay

Sexual Attraction : Asexual

Gender Identity : Cisgender Male

Pronouns : She/Her

Brothers : 1 Older (+ 7 years), 1 Younger (- 2 years)

Sisters : None

Other : None

Family : One Mom and One Dad

Crush : Kevin, Yàn

Date : No One

Writing hand : Left

Favorite Color : Violet

Favorite Splatoon idol : Big Man

Favorite Welcome Home Character : Sally Starlet

Favorite Layton game : Curious Village

PSY State : Not Psychic

Agere : Caregiver

Kevin :

Height : 1m79

Age : 16

Birthday : 7/3

Romantic Attraction : Omnisexual

Sexual Attraction : Omnisexual

Gender Identity : Demi-Boy

Pronouns : She/They

Brothers : No One

Sisters : No One

Other : No One

Family : No One (Dead Parents)

Crush : Yàn, Valery

Date : No One

Writing hand : Right

Favorite Color : White

Favorite Splatoon idol : Marie

Favorite Welcome Home Character : Howdy Pillar

Favorite Layton game : Specter’s Call

PSY State : Psychic

Agere : Age Regressor (4 - 11)

#Oc #agere #i love them so much #i know how to make polls #i'm sleep deprived #sfw interaction only #I spend a year making them

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ladysunamireads · 28 days

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#AO3 Link #FanFiction #AO3 Kagehina #♥#Kagehina #Koushi Sugawara #Haikyuu #⚣#R:G #Fluff #A:V Valerie

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anemodaycare · 2 years

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can i request an agere matchup for both a cg and a playmate? from the pokémon fandom preferably!

my small age is from 1-3(or 4!) and i love to color, play with soft toys and cuddle up a lot!! i’m a little bit shy so i tend to hide away from things a lot, and i’m kind of a crybaby as well ;_;!!

i hope this is enough information, if possible .. please tag my agere blog @confyland !! thank you 🥺

The information was perfect, no worries!! Here is your matchup, @confyland !!

I think your caregiver and playmate would be..

Valerie!

Well, I hope you like extreme cutesy things!

She's debatably one of the best caregivers for a baby/toddler regressor

Lucky for you, she does have two very soft pokemon

The other two,,,

Well, depending on how you react to them, she'll change

If you like her Mr. Mime and Mawile, wonderful! They'll be around more often

If not, they understand and will be absent while you're regressed

After all, she wants the best for her little one

As a fashion designer, she's able to get her hands on any pieces of clothing you might want!

She'll personally design you little clothing in your exact size

You'd have a plethora of onesies, shirts, shorts, pajamas- anything you'd want!

She'll also try her hand at making plushies

She does try to hand make them, but that didn't go out as good as she predicted

So she'll send off the desired plush to someone who can make it perfectly

She will absolutely let you design your own clothes, stuffies- anything

Or she'll use one of your drawings to surprise you with something made from it!

"You're so talented, little one.."

She'll call you so many affectionate nicknames!

Though it's mostly "darling, dear, love," etc.

She doesn't mind it if you cry!

Crying is apart of human nature, of course!

"How wonderful it is that you're so in touch with your emotions, dearest.."

She's happy to cuddle and comfort you

Her usual sleeves are sort of like blankets

So it's incredibly easy to sleep on her

You're more than welcome to come to her gym battles!

Just,, don't run away little one

Or run out of the gym, at least!

She loves you so much and would be so ashamed if something were to happen to you

And as for your playmate, I think they'd be..

Whitney!

She's bigger than you by,, a lot

Her age range would be closer to 8-12

Why are you playmates?

Well, she likes to play with you!

Soft toys are one of her favorite things (if her collection of stuffed toys is any give away)

A lot of regressors her age have made fun of her for still liking "baby stuff"

So y'know what? You're the nicest to her!

Though you two are a little bit of opposites beyond that

You're shy? No problem!

Whitney can speak for both of you

She's loud, energetic, loves to play rough

(don't worry, you're safe from her rough housing)

If you hide away and no one can find you?

No problem! Whitney has a sixth sense for where you are at this point

She sees it as a bit of a game

You'll probably be pulled into hide and go seek at one point

If you don't like how she treats it, just let her know in any way you can!

She'll stop immediately

To be fair, on a side note

She is a little bit of a cry baby as well

So you if one of you cries, the other is following soon after

She acts as as big sister to you!

She'll do anything to make you laugh

Though most of the time, she'll cut herself off with her own laughter

"Interru- heheh.. interrupting mil- milktank…" *loud laughter*

#sfw agere #fandom agere #agere matchups #pokemon agere #agere valerie #agere whitney

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little-fam-ily · 3 years

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Build a Bear (Sanders Sides Agere Oneshot)

Read it on ao3

Rating: G

Word Count: 4,079

Characters: CG Logan and Patton, Agere Virgil

Pairings: Queerplatonic Analogical, platonic Analogicality

Warnings: Kink mention

Summary: In which Logan and Virgil take a trip to Build a Bear (brought to you by a Build a Bear employee).

Virgil’s eyes widened as he stared at the commercial on the TV. It was for Build a Bear, talking about how you can put different sounds in ‘your new furry friends’. He smiled around his pacifier. “Lolo!” He called to Logan, his caregiver.

Logan popped his head in from the kitchen, “What is it?”

Virgil pointed to the TV. Logan was able to catch just the end of the ad. “Virgil, I don’t think-” He stopped himself as he looked at Virgil’s wide, pleading eyes. “Oh, oh Virgil, don’t,” He sighed, “You know what the puppy eyes do to me.”

Virgil just let out a whine. Logan looked at him sternly, “You know they’re very expensive, Virgil.”

He nodded, “I know…” He glanced away, cheeks red. Logan shook his head, thinking about it, “Well, it’s almost your birthday anyway, We’ll make a day of it.”

Virgil smiled wide, “Weally?”

Logan nodded, “Really really.”

Virgil jumped up and embraced him in a hug, squeezing tight, “T’ank you, Lolo!”

Soon the day came, and Virgil and Logan sat in the car, getting ready to go into the mall. Virgil was sucking his thumb, and Logan was looking at him with concern, “Do you think you can be big enough to pass?”

Virgil glanced at him, cheeks turning pink. He dragged his thumb out of his mouth, stopping at the tip where he could still bite down.

Logan sighed, “Better.” He paused before he spoke up again, “Virgil, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You don’t have to hide it if you don’t want to.”

Virgil whined, “I jus’, don’ wan’ people t’inking i’s kink.” He murmured around his thumb.

Logan nodded, “That’s understandable. But what we do is none of their business. I’m pretty sure the average person doesn’t care, and if they do, then they’re not a good person.”

Virgil glanced away. Logan let out a sympathetic breath, “Well, if you’re ready I’m ready.”

Virgil nodded. Logan stepped out of the car, then helped Virgil out of the car. They walked into the mall holding hands.

The line to Build a Bear was already a mile long. They got in, and Virgil was ancy with anticipation. The wait seemed like hours. Logan could tell he was getting impatient, so he squeezed his hand. They smiled at each other.

Finally they got to the door. They were greeted by a young woman with long brown hair and a wide smile. Her name tag read Valerie.

“Hey there! What brings you to the workshop today?” She smiled. Virgil panicked, looking to Logan for help.

“It’s his birthday next week, but I thought I’d take him early.” Logan turned to her. Her smile grew wider, “Wow, that’s great!” She got out a sharpie and a pack of stickers from her apron, “How old are you turning, sweetheart?”

Virgil took a deep breath, preparing himself to answer, “Twenty.”

“And your name?”

“V-” He started, but stopped himself, having to pause for another moment, “Virgil.”

She wrote everything down, tearing the sticker off and handing it to him, “And have you built a bear with us before?”

Logan and Virgil glanced at each other, then back to her, shaking their heads.

Valerie kept her smile, “So to your left is the wall where we have our whole selection of bears to choose from. Once you pick your new friend you’ll head over to the sound station to pick any scents or sounds that you’d like.

“Then you’ll come around over to that blue square where we’ll stuff your friend and perform the heart ceremony. After we get them stitched up you’ll go to the back wall to get their clothing and accessories, head to Station 4 to give them a name, and then you’ll be all ready to check out and take your new friend home!”

Virgil’s breathing became shallow. That was a lot to keep track of. Logan sensed his anxiety, squeezing his hand, “Ready to head on in?”

He looked at him, hesitantly nodding his head. Valerie opened the rope barrier and stepped aside, gesturing for them to enter.

They stepped in, and Virgil was already overwhelmed by the large selection of stuffed animals. There were more than bears, there were rabbits and cats and monkeys and unicorns. There were themed bears too, like Frozen and Star Wars and Paw Patrol.

Virgil’s eyes scanned the wall, biting down on his thumb hard. Logan stepped up to him, “I know it’s a lot to think about, and there are a lot of steps, but I remember all of it, and I will be with you every step of the way.”

Virgil nodded, then his eyes widened as they settled on a fluffy brown bear with the Harry Potter logo printed on its back paw. He pointed to it, “Harry Potter bear.”

Logan smirked, “You want that one? We can put some Ravenclaw accessories on it.”

Virgil smiled wide, nodding. He grabbed the unstuffed pelt and felt the fur, holding it close to his chest.

Logan smiled at his little, then noticed the birthday sticker still in his hand. “Here, let me help you with that,” He took the sticker, peeled it off the back, and stuck it right on Virgil’s jacket, “There we go.”

Virgil smiled at him, leaning on his chest. They stayed like that for a bit, then a young man with an apron walked up to them with a smile, “Have we picked our new friend?”

Virgil looked at Logan, then at the man, who’s name tag read Terrence, nodding.

“Alright! Right this way,” Terrence beckoned them over to a white counter with computers on each end. He reached for Virgil’s bear, “Can I see him real quick?”

Virgil glanced at Logan, then hesitantly handed over the pelt. Terrence pulled a sharpie out of his apron and started writing on the tag, “I see your name is Virgil, is that right?”

Virgil nodded. Terrence put the sharpie away, “And I can also see it’s your birthday! Well, have a very happy birthday,” He smiled, then continued, “Now, we have some scents you can choose from. We have strawberry, birthday cake, cotton candy, and bubblegum.”

Both Virgil and Logan took some time smelling the scents. “Strawberry,” Virgil decided.

“Alright!” Terrence got out his sharpie and wrote some things down on the tag, then took an unopened scent packet, peeled a sticker off, then stuck the sticker on the tag. The scent was a plastic disk shaped like a bear head.

“Now we get to pick a sound we put in the paw of the bear right here.” He showed them the right paw, which had a little heart shaped patch on it.

Virgil smiled. This was the part he was the most excited for.

Terrence moved to one of the computer monitors, “Here is the sound station, we have a huge selection of sounds to choose from. You can scroll up and down as well as side to side. There are generic animal sounds, themed sounds from movies and TV. I see you picked a Harry Potter bear, maybe you’d like a Harry Potter sound?”

Virgil thought about it, scrolling through the Harry Potter selection. He looked, but decided it would be best to just pick the theme from the movie.

He pressed the icon, jumping at the loud noise coming from the computer. Logan grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight, rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb.

“Alright, I’m just gonna scan his tag really quick.” Terrence moved the tag under the scanner. “Now you’re going to grab one of those chips,” He pointed to a hole in the counter which housed a bunch of plastic sound bytes shaped like bear heads. Virgil did as he was told, holding it tight.

“Place it right here,” He pointed to a little divot in the counter where the chip fit perfectly. Virgil set it right in. Then Terrence pressed the ‘buy’ button on the screen, which started loading. It only took a couple of seconds for the sound to be transferred to the chip.

“Great! Now press it to see if it works.” Terrence smiled. Virgil pressed it, holding it up to his ear. That was a bad idea, as he immediately had to move it away.

“Looks like it works!” Terrence chuckled, then took the chip and pushed it into the bear’s paw. “You’re all set! Once that group is done with their heart ceremony you’ll move right on up to that blue square where my friend Mr. Patton will get this little guy all stuffed up for yah.”

Logan and Virgil nodded. “Thank you,” Logan smiled, then turned towards the machine. Virgil tried to get a look at what was going on up ahead, but they were too far away to see or hear anything.

The wait seemed like forever, but soon it was their turn. The young man working the machine got up from his chair and turned towards them, “Alright folks, are we all good to go?”

Virgil smiled slightly as he noticed a shiny they/them pin on their apron. They had a mop of curly brown hair on their head, and circular glasses were perched on their freckled nose.

He looked at Logan, then nodded. Patton smiled, “Great! I’m gonna have you come around this way to that blue square over there.” They pointed to a large blue sticker on the floor next to the front counter. It had white paw prints on it.

They both stepped on the square, waiting to get started.

“See, the thing about this machine is that it needs energy to get it working, right?” Patton started as they put the pelt on the nozzle. “So that means you gotta either hop hop hop! Or clap clap clap! Or wiggle wiggle wiggle! To get the machine running. Do you think you can do that, kiddo?”

Virgil’s eyes widened as he blushed at the pet name. Yes, he did indeed want to clap clap clap, or hop hop hop, or wiggle wiggle wiggle, but he didn’t want to do it alone. He tugged on Logan’s sleeve. Logan blinked, “Oh, do I? Do I have to do it too?”

“If you want!” Patton smiled. Logan sighed, rolling his eyes, but nodded.

“Alright, let’s do this!” Patton exclaimed as they turned on the machine. Logan and Virgil started clapping, and Patton stepped on a pedal, moving the bear around the nozzle to get the stuffing in every limb, its chest, and its head.

“Alright! Great job kiddo!” Patton smiled as they took their foot off the pedal and the bear off the nozzle, checking it themself to see if it was the right softness.

“Now for the scent. Do you want it in the head or the belly?” They asked. Virgil bit down on his thumb. There were so many decisions to make! It was getting a bit much.

Logan sensed this, “We’ll do it in the belly.”

“Okay,” Patton smiled, taking the disc out of its plastic sleeve and slipping it into the bear through the hole in the back.

“Now we get to choose a heart! There’s either a red satin heart or a checkered heart.” Patton picked up two felt hearts from two bins on the machine and held them up, “Which one would you like, kiddo?”

Virgil’s eyes flitted between the two. After a pause Patton spoke up, "I know, it's a hard decision to make."

After another moment Virgil decided on the red one, pointing to it. Patton smiled, "Alright!" They placed the heart to the side, then picked another heart up, this one big and plastic, "We also have a beating heart option! We put it in the chest of the bear, and when you press down on it, it beats like a heart!"

Virgil’s eyes widened. He looked at Logan with them, pouting his lip a little. Logan smiled at him, giving him a nod. Virgil turned back to Patton, nodding enthusiastically.

"Okay!" Patton smiled, taking a heart, peeling the sticker off, and putting the sticker on the tag. They then placed the heart right in the front of the bear’s chest where a human’s heart would be.

“Now,” Patton said as they got up from their chair and took the now stuffed bear and the heart to the counter Logan and Virgil were standing next to.

“We are going to perform what is called the ‘squish test’. Which means you take your new friend and you give him the biggest hug that you possibly can!” They wrapped their arms around themself, “To see if he’s either as soft or firm enough as you want.”

They turned to Logan, “And if he’s too firm we can always take stuffing out, and if he’s too soft we can always put stuffing in.”

Logan nodded, then turned to Virgil, “Do you want to give him a hug?”

Virgil nodded, walking up to where the bear was sitting and grabbing it, feeling its arms, legs, chest, and head. He then embraced it in his arms, holding it as tight as he could. He smiled as he felt the pulsing of the heartbeat.

“Is he good?” Patton asked. Virgil turned to him, nodding.

“Perfect!” They smiled, “If you would put your friend back on the hug station, we are going to perform the Heart Ceremony,” They put emphasis on the last two words, “The most important step in this entire process! You’re going to take your heart.”

It took a minute for the request to process in his brain, but Virgil went back to the counter, put the bear back where it was sitting, and grabbed his heart.

“Now we gotta get it beating, alright kiddo? So you’re going to take it, hold it up like this,” They held it high above their head. Virgil did the same.

“And you gotta wiggle it like this!” Patton started waving their hand around. A smile broke out on Virgil’s face as he mimicked their movements. They wiggled for a moment, Patton giggling, “Do you think you got it beating, kiddo?”

Virgil nodded, smile not fading. Patton smiled at him, “Alright, now you’re going to go to your new friend, and you gotta wave it in his ears so that he’s a good listener!”

Virgil stepped over to the bear and waved the heart over its ears.

“Wave it on his arms so he can give you great big hugs!”

He waved it over its arms.

“Wave it on his legs so he can run and play with you all day!”

He waved it over its legs.

“Now grip your heart, hold it close, and make a great big wish!”

He held it close to his chest, closed his eyes and made his wish, I wish for me and Logan to live together forever.

“Did you make your wish?” Patton smiled. Virgil opened his eyes, smiling back as he nodded.

“Great! Now you get to do the honor of putting that heart into your friend through the hole in the back.”

Virgil grabbed the bear and shoved the heart in as far as it could go.

Patton gave a nod, “Alright, now if you would put your friend back on the hug station and step right back on that blue square, I’m gonna do the hard job of stitching him up, okay?”

Virgil nodded, doing as he was told. Patton stepped up to the counter and started pulling on the stitches. They glanced at Virgil's sticker, “I see it’s your birthday today!”

“In a week,” Logan corrected them. They nodded, “Oh! Okay, well, happy early birthday!” They looked closer, “And you’re turning twenty! Wow! I turned twenty this January!”

“Interesting.” Logan commented. Patton tied the last knot, cutting the extra string off. “Alright! This little guy is good to go! I’m gonna have you come around this way,” they pointed to their right, “to the back to pick out his clothing and accessories. Then you’ll take that tag to station 4 and scan it to give him his name!”

“Alright, thank you.” Logan smiled, leading Virgil around the direction Patton pointed them towards. Virgil looked back one last time to see Patton waving at him. He waved back shyly.

Thankfully the Harry Potter clothing section was right next to the stuffed animal section. Virgil’s eyes scanned the wall. He definitely wanted the traditional robes and a wand. But then he spotted a Quidditch uniform, along with a broom and a snitch.

He gasped slightly, turning to Logan, who nodded, “You can get both outfits if you’d like.”

Virgil whined, “But i’s ‘spensive…” He glanced away, biting his thumb.

Logan chuckled, “Virgil, it’s your birthday, and it’s you. You’re worth it. Besides, I’m getting paid soon anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.”

Virgil scrunched his nose, but took both the normal uniform and accessories and the Quidditch uniform and accessories off the hangers. He had to get on his tip-toes to reach some of them, but he got the hang of it.

“I’m guessing he’s a seeker, hm?” Logan hummed. Virgil nodded. Logan gave a nod back, “Alright, let’s give him a name, shall we?”

They walked over to the back corner on the other side of the store, where Station 4 was. Logan pressed some buttons, scanned the tag, and a menu popped up asking them to put in information for the bear’s birth certificate.

Now it was time to pick a name. Virgil bit down on his thumb, thinking very hard. Logan tilted his head, “What would you like to name him?”

Virgil smiled mischievously, “Logan!”

Logan scoffed, “Virgil, please. Pick an original name!”

“I’s original! ‘N Logan’s my favorite name!” Virgil beamed, turning back to the screen and typing in the name, “Logan the seeker.”

After the bear’s birth certificate was printed out, they walked up to the cash register. The young man standing at the register’s name tag read Joan. “Alright, are we all set?”

Logan nodded, putting all their findings on the counter. Virgil bit down on his thumb as he watched Joan scan the tags, starting to zone out. He wasn’t really interested in this part.

“Would you like to dress it here or when you get home?” Joan asked him. His eyes widened as he was snapped out of his daydreaming. He looked at them, then at Logan, then back to them. “Um, home,” He responded, now ancy to leave.

“Alright, would you like to hold it or put it in a box?” They asked. Virgil whined a bit under his breath. This was way too many questions for one day. “Box.”

Joan nodded at his firm answer. “Alright, with all of the accessories, your total comes out to one hundred and thirty five dollars, and forty five cents.”

Virgil gasped, looking at Logan with concern. That was a huge number. Logan just smiled at him reassuringly, “It’s alright Virgil, I really don’t mind,” He turned to Joan, “He’s a little concerned with money right now.”

“Oh I totally understand that,” They gave a smile, “I mean, I’m working two jobs and even I can’t afford to pay rent sometimes.” They turned back to the computer, muttering to themself, “Late stage capitalism.”

They took the bear and put it in a box, then bagged up all the clothes, “You should be all set. Oh! It’s your birthday! We have to ring the birthday bell!”

As they picked up a large bell from the shelf behind them, Logan squeezed Virgil’s hand, “It’s going to make a very loud noise, Virgil.”

Virgil looked at him as he braced himself. The loud ring of the bell crashed in his ears, running through his entire body. He cringed as he shut his eyes, stopping himself from covering his ears.

Then it was over, and he was able to open his eyes again. Logan leaned into his ear, “Good job.” He smiled. Virgil smiled back.

Then they were all good to go. Logan took the box and the bag, and grabbed Virgil’s hand as he led both of them out.

“Have a good day, kiddo!” Patton called with a smile as they walked past the machine. They both glanced at them. “Thank you.” Logan said before finally reaching the door.

“So, what did you wish for during the heart ceremony?” Logan asked as they took their purchases and headed for other stores, mostly Hot Topic.

“I tan’t tell you!” Virgil teased, “Or it won’t tome true.”

---------------------------------------------------------

Patton smiled to themself as they walked into the back room, unlocking their locker and taking their backpack out. Once they made sure everything was still in check, they took their apron off and slipped it in their locker, closing it and locking it again.

Today was another great day at work. Patton loved their job, really loved their job. They got to interact with all the cute kids and families that came in, and they adored all the smiles and giggles the heart ceremony provided.

There was always at least one memorable family that came in, and today it was a young couple, one of which had his birthday today. His name was Virgil, Patton remembered.

He was memorable because of one fact. Patton could see it in his eyes, in his posture, in his energy.

Patton got to meet a little.

They themself had been a babysitter for a couple of years now. Their friend Roman was a little, and when her partner Janus was busy, Patton got to babysit her. It brought them a lot of comfort and happiness, and they one day hoped to have a little of their own.

A pang of disappointment hit their chest. Virgil seemed so adorable and fun and loving, but it looked like he already had a caregiver. But they were happy for him nonetheless.

They brought themself out of their thoughts as they headed on out, waving goodbye to their coworkers. Their brisk walking speed got them to the food court fairly quickly, where they planned to have sushi for lunch.

But their eyes widened as they caught sight of a couple across the food court. It was Virgil and his caregiver! A smile broke out on their face, and they knew they had to take this opportunity to get to know them better.

They rushed to Virgil’s table, slowing down a bit as they got closer, “Hey! You guys are still here!”

They both turned to them, and Virgil jumped, quickly taking his thumb out of his mouth. His caregiver nodded, “Yes, we took a bit of time to do some extra shopping and get some food.”

“Yeah, I’m glad I was able to catch you guys! It was just the end of my shift so…” They smiled, trailing off a bit. “We didn’t really get to actually meet. I’m Patton!” They held out their hand.

“Logan,” Virgil’s caregiver took it, shaking firmly. Virgil just waved slightly, “Virgil.”

“Yeah, well, it was really nice to meet you guys! I hope you had fun, I always do.” They laughed nervously, trying so desperately not to make it awkward.

“Yes, I can confirm that our experience was most enjoyable, don’t you agree, Virgil?” Logan said, then turned to him. He nodded with a small smile on his face.

Patton stood there for a moment. They knew what they wanted to do, they just didn’t know if they had the guts to actually do it. “Hey, I don’t usually do stuff like this, but, can I get your guys’ Instagrams?”

“Oh, I don’t have one, but, Virgil? If that’s alright with you?” Logan asked him. He looked to Logan, then to Patton, but eventually nodded.

Patton smiled wide, “Great! Uh, here’s my phone, you can just put it in.” They handed Virgil their phone. He took it, quickly typing in his username in the search bar. He handed it back to them, a shy smile on his face.

“Great! Thank you! Again, it was really nice meeting you!” Patton beamed.

“It was a pleasure meeting you as well, Patton.” Logan responded. Virgil nodded in agreement.

Patton let out a sigh of relief, giving one last wave before heading down the food court the other way. They couldn’t help but continue to smile as they skipped along, soon reaching the sushi restaurant. They didn’t know how yet, but they knew this was the start of something special.

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kikuocore · 3 years

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I'm Valerie, 17(turning 18 in December) I'm bipoc(mixed black and chinese) and a transfem lesbian

I go by she/vamp/ae prns

I'm not really n*fw but n*fw blogs can interact. I'm mostly(well kinda entirety) a reblog profile and while I don't reblog stuff like g*re and blood but I am really into medcore and I reblog it alot so if medical stuff triggers you let me know.

Idc about your age cause I don't post n*fw content but .. please don't be like 11 years old or in your 30s

Dni: exlcu, terf, radfem or tru/med(who made you the gender-ologist? Get a life), ddlg(I support regular sfw agere though)

I'm a kpop+anime+aesthetic blogs

For kpop I stan alot of ggs but my mains are izone, wjsn and twice.

For animangas, I like jjba, mha, shimoneta, nichijou danganronpa etc just alot I can't name

Please Tw transphobia and anything related to radfems.

For aesthetics: medcore, yume kawaii just that typa stuff

Have fun !!

#medcore

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gabriellakirtonblog · 5 years

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Best Fitness Articles — October 20, 2019

We scan the net, but if you’d like to submit your article for consideration, please do so via the PTDC Article Submission Form.

The Top Article of the Week

9 Ways to Upgrade Your Sleep Hygiene Tonight — JM Blakley, Elite FTS

We, and our clients, all know sleep is important. But how many of us actually get enough?

In this week’s top article, JM Blakley reviews the science of sleep, and gives us actionable ways to sleep better, starting tonight.

General Health

Exercise and Mental Health — Shane McLean, Balance Guy Training

A New Perspective on Dealing with Performance Anxiety — Erica Suter, ericasuter.com

The Two Best Methods for Promoting Recovery — Harold Gibbons, haroldgibbons.com

Plyometric Training for Active Agers — Amy Ashmore, ACE Fitness

Self-Selected Intermittent Fasting vs. Continuous Energy Restriction — Yoni Freedhoff, Weighty Matters

Fat Loss

5 Fat-Loss Myths You Still Believe — Paul Carter, T Nation

The Complicated Case Against Simple Sugar — Jonathan Jordan, JJ Fit

Three Basic Rules for Weight Loss — Hayden Perno, haydenperno.com

Why Counting Calories Is Worthless — Taylor Simon, coachtaylorsimon.ca

Strength Training

Progressions in Exercise Selection Based on Technical Proficiency — Ashley Jones, T Nation

Training Clients Post-Hysterectomy: What You Need to Know — Valerie Bobb, Girls Gone Strong

5 “Ultimate” Core Exercises You Haven’t Seen Before — Meghan Callaway, Meghan Callaway Fitness

Tip: The Secret to Stronger Glutes — Tom Morrison, T Nation

Do You Really Need to Squat Below Parallel? — Emily Beers, Breaking Muscle

Career

Your Training Personality: What’s Behind the Clipboard? — Patrick Freeman, ACSM

It’s Time to Start the Critical Activity You Can No Longer Afford to Postpone — Stefanie Flaxman, Copyblogger

Fixing Bad Dietary Habits for Busy Clients — Stéphane Aubé, Thibarmy

6 Business Lessons No One Talks About — Chris Tuleta, Elite FTS

The Elite FTS Internship Guide — Elite FTS

Miscellaneous Miscellany: Fitness Pro Coaching and Business Advice — Tony Gentilcore, tonygentilcore.com

The post Best Fitness Articles — October 20, 2019 appeared first on The PTDC.

Best Fitness Articles — October 20, 2019 published first on https://onezeroonesarms.tumblr.com/

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365footballorg-blog · 6 years

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Armchair Analyst: Your complete guide to the Week 12 MLS slate

May 18, 201812:16PM EDT

Nobody reads ledes anymore, right?

Into the weekend we go:

Friday Night

Toronto FC vs. Orlando City SC

8 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & Streaming Info

In last Sunday’s column I caused quite a stir by putting TFC in their own tier because, despite their record, I think they’re fine. You, my beloved and gentle and maaaaaybe not entirely rational readers, think otherwise. Some numbers provided by Opta back up my point.

Team GD xGD GD-xGD Toronto -6 1.57 -7.57 Philadelphia -6 0.5 -6.5 Vancouver -8 -2.92 -5.08 Columbus 7 11.68 -4.68 D.C. United -6 -1.98 -4.02 LA Galaxy -5 -1.1 -3.9 Chicago -4 -2.85 -1.15 Atlanta 12 12.75 -0.75 Montreal -12 -11.69 -0.31 Seattle -4 -4.1 0.1 Minnesota -8 -8.11 0.11 LAFC 6 4.92 1.08 Orlando 4 2.57 1.43 San Jose -2 -4.04 2.04 RSL -8 -10.14 2.14 NY Red Bulls 12 9.7 2.3 Colorado -2 -4.45 2.45 Portland 0 -2.71 2.71 NYCFC 5 2.17 2.83 Houston 5 2.1 2.9 Sporting KC 11 7.32 3.68 FC Dallas 5 1.18 3.82 New England 4 -2.37 6.37

The point stands for most players and teams who are either vastly underperforming or vastly overperforming their expected goals: Eventually they regress/progress back to the mean. Eventually those looks – like Marky Delgado’s against Chivas, or Tosaint Ricketts’ against Seattle, or Jay Chapman’s against New England – start falling. And as the defense gets healthy (expect to see Chris Mavinga and Gregory van der Wiel in central defense this weekend) and they get the disastrous Ager Aketxe out of central midfield, there will stop being the types of defensive breakdowns that buried them in the first half against the Revs.

So my official stance is that TFC are fine, and they will have the bonus of going against an Orlando City team that’s without Yoshi Yotun (yellow card accumulation) and Dom Dwyer (lower body injury) Friday night. That’s not fine for the Purple Lions.

If TFC lose or even draw this one then come back here and feel free to dunk on me and them. That said:

I also think TFC will be fine, but right now almost half of all opposition shots are on target. That’s… not great. pic.twitter.com/1USqQefvCB

— Rob Lowe (@LoweDownStats) May 18, 2018

Make sure you give Rob some credit when you do so.

Saturday Slate

NYCFC vs. Colorado Rapids

1 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & Streaming Info

As Ben Baer wrote earlier this week, NYCFC have played – by far – the toughest schedule in the league. Seven of their 11 have been on the road, and many of those have been against the league’s best teams (the likes of Atlanta, Sporting and RBNY). They have performed beyond admirably, taking nine points from those seven games.

At home they’re an absolute wagon at 4-0-0 with 11 goals scored and just 2 conceded. The House that Lampard Built™ has treated them well.

As for the Rapids…

This chart also shows that, with a -5.8 xGD, #Rapids96 haven’t been very good at creating good chances while preventing the opponent from getting good chances. 19th in the league. And the 3.8 GD-xGD means we’ve been lucky. So big warning: regression ahead for Colorado. https://t.co/yO0m5FhKpp

— Rapids Rabbi (@rapidsrabbi) May 18, 2018

They have just one of a possible 12 points on the road thus far, and while their back five is, in theory, suited toward walling off the final third on a small pitch, the reality is that teams have pretty easily been able to shoot the gaps between Colorado’s wingbacks and wide central defenders. Look for David Villa to drift out left and get on the ball in that channel with runners ahead of him – in particular Ben Sweat underlapping to post up on the edge of the box.

Portland Timbers vs. LAFC

3 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & Streaming Info

LAFC have lost a good deal of their explosiveness in the last few games following the injury to Marco Ureña. The Costa Rican center forward never scores, but his hold-up play and movement drag opposing defenses around and allow guys like Carlos Vela, Diego Rossi and Latif Blessing to hit gaps that otherwise don’t really exist.

Even without him, though, LAFC have been damn good. They’re in the midst of rewriting what’s possible for an expansion team:

.@LAFC’s 10-game start and where it ranks among @MLS expansion teams:

– 20 points (1st) – 22 goals (1st) – +6 GD (2nd behind 1998 Fire)

— Paul Carr (@PaulCarrTM) May 14, 2018

Saturday’s trip to Portland will be a different kind of test for them, as the Timbers have found themselves over the past month by dragging numbers behind the ball and trying to bottle the game up. They’re toggling between a 4-3-2-1 and a 4-2-3-1 but the point of how they play each is the same: Put and keep numbers in Zone 14 to protect the backline, and defend deep so that guys like Diego Valeri and Sebastian Blanco get the ball on the run.

It’s obviously working, as the Timbers are on a run of three straight shutout wins for the first time in their MLS existence.

FC Dallas vs. Vancouver Whitecaps FC

4 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & Streaming Info

I will always feel that the Red Bulls won the Tim Parker for Felipe + cash trade because 1) If you have a pair of mid-20s domestic center backs (who are good) to build around, it makes constructing a balanced roster so, so much easier; and 2) TAM grows on trees.

That said, Felipe’s been excellent. The diving/after-the-fact fouls/outright dirty play of league’s most despised player (he’d win it with like 90% of the vote, folks) often overshadows the fact that he remains a very good soccer player, and his ability to conduct the game has boosted the once moribund ‘Caps attack over the past month.

They really have figured some stuff out in central midfield, and while he’s not a true No. 10, he hasn’t really needed to be. To my eye he’s the catalyst behind better overall attacking play in recent weeks:

Date Expected Goals 28/04/18 2.93 12/05/18 2.84 17/05/18 2.32 05/05/18 1.99 10/03/18 1.49 04/03/18 1.24 08/04/18 1.18 17/03/18 0.86 25/03/18 0.86 21/04/18 0.64 31/03/18 0.45 14/04/18 0.29

Yordy Reyna isn’t a true No. 10 either, but he looked like it the other night in a disappointing 2-2 home draw against San Jose. If those two guys can in a groove and stay on the field, then Vancouver will have finally found their attacking Plan B and won’t be so reliant upon long-balls and crosses. It’s an “if” since the sample size is not large right now, but it’s been promising.

The problem with the ‘Caps – and yeah, this goes back to the Parker thing – is that their defense has been outright bad. They got beat over the top on San Jose’s first goal. They got beat up the gut on San Jose’s second goal after Efrain Juarez decided “maybe nah, running’s hard.” They gave up one against Houston when they simply didn’t track Tomas Martinez, and another when they were slow to a deflected ball at the top of the box.

Can’t play like that at home against struggling teams and expect to win. Play like that on the road against an FC Dallas team that’s finding something close to their 2016 form? Yeah… not gonna end good for the ‘Caps unless they clean it up.

New England Revolution vs. Columbus Crew SC

7:30 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & Streaming Info

We’ve sung Gregg Berhalter’s praises up and down for his ability to get tap-ins for his center forwards over the years. He deserves it – a parade of guys have had their best years when playing for him in his system.

But it’s not all the system. This really is a precise, deceptive and patient run from Gyasi Zardes:

He gets into Johan Kappelhof’s head so early with the threat of the back-post run, then angles near post and forces Kappelhof to commit. At which point he jams on the brakes and lets him fly right by, then plants himself in the perfect spot for the one-touch finish. And let’s dap Niko Hansen the hell up for his 60-yard run and assist.

I really love that goal.

The Revs have been successful this year in large part because they’re not giving up goals like that. They’ve done an exceptional job of 1) high pressing other teams into useful turnovers, and 2) only rarely getting turned around and running back at their own goal. If you’re going to beat them, it’s going to be by packing them into their own end and forcing individual mistakes (which can and does happen, though Matt Turner bails them out all the time).

Anyway, New England’s gonna come out and try to press Zack Steffen into a mistake. If Columbus are able to play through that press and get on the run a little bit, there will be many goals in this game.

Philadelphia Union vs. Real Salt Lake

7:30 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & Streaming Info

RSL are starting to do some nice things in attack:

They are also dislocated all over the place through central midfield and central defense, which is/has been problematic. They keep getting drilled during the final 30 minutes of just about every game they play, including against 10-man D.C. United last week (RSL were fortunate to hang onto a 3-2 home win).

What is left to say about Philly? They look like they know what they’re doing most weeks, and while they have some weaknesses at the back that are typical of young teams, their attack should be better than it is. It’s just that pretty much nobody’s finishing.

San Jose Earthquakes vs. D.C. United

10:30 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & Streaming Info

The Quakes went to a 5-4-1 at Vancouver on Wednesday and got themselves a very nice result. It doesn’t change the fact that their backline has been leaky and left back has been something close to an open wound all season long. Teams are able to go at whoever’s out there and find both time and space to cause problems.

Keep an eye on center forward Danny Hoesen in this one, by the way. He now has goals in three of his last four games.

As for D.C. United… who knows? Winger Paul Arriola is maybe going to play as a No. 8, there are injury concerns in a few spots, Lucho Acosta threw a fit when subbed last week, and the defense is a weekly disaster.

Sunday Slate

Minnesota United vs. Sporting KC

2 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & Streaming Info

Young Harrison Hamm wrote a very nice debut article for the nerds over at AmericanSoccerAnalysis. Go read it.

I’m gonna pull out one of the clips he used and highlight it:

And also, here’s Minnesota struggling to press: pic.twitter.com/82PJNn4AP3

— Harrison Hamm (@harrisonhamm21) May 15, 2018

Minnesota’s problem, from Day 1, is that they allow teams to build into spots between the lines, and allow teams to use that to create running lanes off the ball. Obviously they have other problems as well, but the biggest one is just that they’re easy to play against. They allow you to get into a rhythm and pull them apart.

SKC have become a “rhythm” team over the past year in large part because of how they use their fullbacks. Though both Graham Zusi and Jimmy Medranda will overlap if you give them space, both are more likely to stay a little bit deeper, basically on the same latitude as d-mid Ilie, and spray possession-oriented passes. Sporting thus have three deep-lying fulcrums to conduct the game, while other teams usually use only one.

Both those guys will actually pinch into central midfield as well, which leaves SKC vulnerable to wide counters – a big reason why they’ve struggled defensively at times this year. But they’re doing something different and, frankly, better than in years past. And it’s working.

Chicago Fire vs. Houston Dynamo

4 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & Streaming Info

Which Fire team will show up this week? The one that plays a 3-5-2 with Bastian Schweinsteiger as a sweeper? The 4-3-3, possession-focused bunch we’ve seen from time to time? A sort of 4-5-1 team that man marks all over the field? Other?

Chicago’s got some pieces and have mostly held their season together by treating every game as if it’s the knockout round of a tournament and they’re the underdogs – i.e., they try to focus on taking away the opponent’s biggest strength. But sooner or later they’re going to have to start building a foundation of “here’s who we are and what we do well” and so far they haven’t. My guess is you will start to see frustration start to boil over for some of the veterans in coming weeks.

If Houston get a result here – and they’re entirely capable of that – the time for frustration would be now.

Atlanta United vs. New York Red Bulls

7 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & Streaming Info

Here’s Bobby’s take on how to beat Atlanta United, who are leading the Supporters’ Shield race. Read it.