#all the guilt and the pain

[ansonmountdaily]

Well, I don't know about you... but I think that was quite a miracle.

STAR TREK: STRANGE NEW WORLDS 1x04 "Memento Mori"

#star trek strange new worlds #strange new worlds #star trek #captain pike #christopher pike #anson mount #spock #trekedit #tvedit #spoilers #strangenewworldsedit #*edit #anson's acting in this scene <3<3 #the emotions across pike's face #all the guilt and the pain #my heart went out to him #his relief was palpable

[cherrytraveller]

saw a lot of peepaw lately, so naturally, i wanted in on it😤

Twitter || Ko-fi || Instagram

#rottmnt #rottmnt movie #future leo #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #hamato leonardo #rottmnt leo #digital sketch #doodle dump #doodle #clip studio paint #digital art #odd man out #travellerdraws #look at this old man (he is in his 40s) #and yet he already has back pain tsk tsk!! #probably from shouldering all this survivors guilt and self loathing lmfao gottem #anyway. he's so fun to sketch tbh #he is full of Shapes #also LOOK ITS CASEY JR!! SON BOY TIME!! BONDING TIME WITH SON BOY!!

[haunted-xander]

Sometimes I think about Urianger's role in and feelings on the Thancred-Ryne dynamic and I think watching it kills him a bit inside. For several reasons.

Like, to begin with there's the guilt he's been carrying with him since he ushered Minfilia to the first, how he effectively killed the person Thancred cared about the most in the world and who's "death" ended up causing Ryne's entire Situation. He looks at what's happening between them and can only think "I caused this" even though that's not really true. No one person is responsible for this outcome, it's a culmination of several circumstances and the consequences of them. Logically, Urianger knows this. But it doesn't matter, because his guilt is overpowering his logic.

And also, like. What Thancred is doing here, the way he's knowingly letting Ryne be and stay hurt because he literally cannot bring himself to tell her his feelings, is the exact same mistake Urianger made with Moenbryda. Of course, the circumstances are vastly different, and the potential consequences to Thancred telling Ryne the wrong things or her misinterperating it is far greater (being a matter of literal life or death), it's still the same sort of paralysis they are trapped in.

And he knows it. He sees it. But he can't say or do anything about it, he doesn't have the right to. He acknowledges the mistake, but he hasn't really improved upon it yet. He still doesn't voice his thoughts and feelings as he should. He's also non-confrontational by nature, he doesn't argue or try to change peoples minds, he probably doesn't think he has any place to.

So, he tries to help in what little ways he can. Because he doesn't want it to become Monebryda again, he doesn't want to know he stole not one but two people from Thancred. So he does what he can. He tells Ryne little tidbits about Thancred, things that help her understand him but are safe to share. Nothing too deep, nothing too personal. Just small things, things that are purely factual, because he can't afford to give her a false image of who Thancred is. He teacher her fun and interesting things, because Thancred isn't in the mindset to provide her with non-essential skills.

I like to think Urianger has brought it up with Thancred at least once, during one of his stays. But nothing would've come of it. Not really. Unlike Y'shtola, Urianger isn't pushy, he'll bring it up once or twice and when he sees this won't go anywhere, he gives up. He wants to help, but he knows that persistance only does do much, and he is not the person who has the resiliance needed to push and push until Thancred finally budges (because he won't budge, it won't help anything but to sour things further by adding aditional stress to an already strained dynamic).

And like. Urianger gets it. He gets it because he's been the same way- not saying what he should to someone he loves more than anything else because she was meant to figure her life out herself, and 'steering' her in any direction by telling her his feelings (regardless of if the 'steering' is intention or not) will go against that. He gets it. He gets it and it's all the more painful for it. He knows it can't just be fixed by acknowledging it or with encouragement, something needs to happen to break the stasis.

I think this is probably why he stayed behind while they went off to Nabaath Areng. This is the very last chance they have to say what they want to, and he can't afford to be the anchor anymore. This is about them, not him, he can't let their resolution be buffed by his presence, so he stays behind. Which was probably for the best. Ryne got nervous when Urianger said he's staying behind, probably not too excited about being alone with Thancred (well, not alone, but WoL doesn't count) so soon after she had ran away crying. But she needs to be nervous. For anything positive to come out of this Thancred and Ryne both can't afford to be too relaxed. As sad as it is, the stress is necessary for anything to happen. He knows it. Does he like it? Absolutely not, but nor does he like his other plots. At least no one dies this time if it goes right.

#urianger had an integral part in the thancred-ryne situation and i think its very important to remember that #like i think he served as a very important buffer that prevented the dynamic from becoming even more strained than it already was #but also like. ryne NEEDED to have at least someone she can be comfortable around without the stress of her circumstances souring it #urianger is uniquely suited to play that role. even with his guilt regarding minfilia he never showed anything but genuine kindness for her #it helps that she didnt know about his hand in the situation existing to begin with (as shes surprised when he tells her in ahm areang) #THATS ALSO IMPORTANT BTW. like this man had a DIRECT hand in making this happen (even if it isnt fully his fault. minfilia made her choice) #AND LIKE. the parallels between uri-moen and thancred-ryne. they both love these girls so so much but cant bring themselves to say anything #urianger has been through the pain before. he knows. but he hasnt improved much himself. what right does he have to scold thancred? #silent support is all he can give. pushing thancred would make him a hypocrite and risk making it worse. hes not suited for confrontation #y'shtola and uriangers approaches to helping both have their merits but it needs a balance #too much pushing and the dynamic just gets worse but too forgiving and nothing will ever change #and yes i know im just repeating myself but ITS IMPORTANT OK #GOD #urianger augurelt #thancred waters #ryne waters #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #xander rambles #xander being insane about ryne #urianger actually this time but. its related to ryne so. it gets the tag

[lovestory]

i loved that taylor was very touched by the pictures of marjorie being held up and she was very very cute about it with her little speech but at the end of the day...it could have easily gone the other way? the people who did that just did it hoping they could make viral content out of it, without even stopping to consider why it crossed a boundary...just very weird vibes around it all, people are so desensitized

[meta-squash]

lol @ series 1 jack being like "i demand your complete trust" *tells his team nothing, pretends to be a hero and doesn't allow them to see his vulnerability so then they hate him when he makes painful/unpleasant decisions, orders someone to do something and then gets angry when they do it, drops hints like mad about how he's different from 21st century humans but doesn't actually reveal anything making them question everything about him in secret, poorly manages his team's various individual breakdowns, kills or otherwise causes the death of at least one of every team member's lovers, goads and personally insults them all when they're all terrified and upset and then is surprised when they mutiny and kill him*

#torchwood #i love jack he's just an idiot and not a very good leader lol #but that's the point!!!! he's not meant to be a leader he's a soldier!!! but he is forced to lead because he's immortal!! #which means he's also forced to make horrible painful awful decisions that no one else will!! even though everyone else will eventually die #but he has to live forever and continue on with all the grief and guilt!!! #and also see the ripple effect of his own actions far beyond a normal human lifespan!!! #jack harkness

[sinnbaddie]

I don’t understand why Kishimoto never added Kakashi having thoughts about Gai when he died in the pain assault. It’s like he doesn’t want his relationship with Gai to have depth but then adds all these interactions and feelings that show how much he means to Kakashi.

He thinks of his dead friends and family, he thinks of Konoha 11, but he doesn’t think about his longest and biggest support? Not even a passing thought?

Might Gai is Kakashi’s best friend and rival, he isn’t a nuisance to him and he doesn’t think he’s less than him. Their relationship has substance and evidence to show how much they care about one another, im sick of Kishimoto and his constant need to diminish it then prop it up and then diminish it again. How can he be so inconsistent with relationships and character writing??

#kakashi hatake #might guy #maito gai #pain arc #kakagai #not even shipping in this instance just their canon relationship atp #I get Kishimoto probably didn’t think that far ahead in the series because so much of their dynamic is explained later #it aggravates me that Gai’s support is constantly made minuscule in reference to others #Gai - the one who was their since he was 5 years old and immediately supported and cared for Kakashi #Gai - the one who Kakashi has leaned on so frequently that he’ll pass out after Gai arrives because he knows he’ll handle it #yeah I’m glad he showed appreciation for his support after the pain assault #but it still irks me real bad that his relationship w Gai is diminished #ESPECIALLY in favor to Obito who he wasn’t even truly best friends with and only carried his legacy out of guilt #Gai IS Kakashi’s true best friend and rival and I’m very happy it’s expanded on later #but it doesn’t take away how Kishimoto centers Obito as his best friend and biggest influence #I’m not taking away from his influence at all but I’m angry that everyone thinks Kakashi’s relationship w him is so deep #compared to Gai #I feel it always comes back to the fact that everyone thinks Gai is ugly and a joke #anti kishimoto

[thejasontoddarchives]

There’s a general consensus that above all else Jason should be homicidal again. However I think what’s also very important is that he should be a fucking hoot.

There’s nothing not funny about this entire bit.

1. He couldn’t give less of a shit about explaining that he’s single-handedly trying to stop a terrorist attack. Obviously cause he’s short on time, but even if he had all the time in the world he would still be this indifferent towards explaining himself to cops.

2. This bomb is seconds away from exploding but he’s at most mildly annoyed like he’s in the office doing some menial task.

3. The perfectly timed British jokes.

4. Circling back to number 1 on the list. After he throws the bomb into the water he just dips. For all they know he’s the (weird) terrorist. (But as long as everyone’s okay he doesn’t care! The beauty of Jason Todd everybody).

This one is funny (but it’s also true)? Like yes … that is exactly what you are. (A sweet, kind-hearted goodboy learning how to effectively poison people, shoot guns, and blow shit up with all manner of explosives like a certified pro).

Bonus:

Red Hood: The Lost Days #5 (2010-)

Red Hood: The Lost Days #4 (2010-)

“Not so irritating for an American” is a far more impressive title than “genius” if you ask me. Although I think Jason balances both pretty well.

#lost days was actually a comedy it gets funnier every time I reread it #look I know in recent days he’s become more serious/glum as a character #he’s sorta detached from people and situations and he seems to have lost his spunk #and my mind is zoning in on Zdarsky. him feeling immense guilt and burden over people he kills. #which like. even Matt Murdock fans said Zdarsky leaned a bit too heavily into Catholic guilt lol #Jason should be like this again #boiling inside him is untamed rage and pain and hurt but the jokes keep rolling off his tongue in an endless stream #just as playful with his words as he is with his bombs and takeover plans #from moments like the bomb under the bridge or even just the 'nice boy' comment #you see just how much he not only doesn’t care about being labelled a hero for his actions but how he actively detests it even #it’s one of the things that makes him so endearing to me like: look at this humble kind kid who loves and cares for the world immeasurably #(even after all he’s suffered from it) #but refuses to ever take credit for it #jason todd #red hood #red hood: the lost days #lost days #dc

[lunarharp]

when an obsessed orufrey person plays ace attorney for the first time in a while

#witch hat tag #orufrey #you know those times when the defendant is still in shambles at the end of a case because it was not a clear-cut thing #but you get to present one Special Sentimental piece of evidence that proves not all is lost #qifrey's breakdown would be like... he turns up calm and pleasant like dahlia kristoph gant etc but very quickly: #well first he's hiding his scar so you have to use the bracelet and also you find out about the seal on his hat using that. #eventually he is throwing water that comes out of nowhere like that coffee prosecutor guy. and his cape starts billowing #the more he breaks down his neck thingies start coming undone btw. To represent his descent into guilt and his LIES becoming undone. #course as the player i have already used my magatama and seen his 35894 psychelocks. but theyre those BLACK psychelocks #representing his repressed memories taken by the brimhats. also his glasses shatter out of nowhere when you keep presenting evidence #and tartah's testimony etc. and the player is like UHH this guy is A PUPPET MASTER but coco's heartfelt testimony commands the tone #and of course he's someone who has been twisted and damaged by trauma like adrian andrews. the mastermind is of course the brimhats #only me with my magatama knows that... only i can do it. It has to be me..... #just like how as the reader i can see everything about qifrey and i can hold him dear as much as i judge him #whereas if i were oru things would not be ok unless memories can be restored and mentally ill decisions can be illuminated #WELL ANYWAY !!!!! what i appreciate about ace attorney is its ability to mix silliness with seriousness #i cant usually make jokes about serious heavy heartbreaking stuff in witch hat because it is all very intense emotions for me #but i appreciate ace attorney's mix of sincerity and psychological pain and the inherent silliness to being a character in a situation #so.....Get Iguin on the stand. Now. BAILIFF.. TAKE OFF THE MASK #i would most love to be able to prove qifrey's eyesight is failing. hed be like I have no reason to pursue the brimhats (smiles pleasantly) #and it would be like You're lowering your gaze.. proof that the court lighting is too harsh for you..! #his glasses would crack at that moment btw. I used apollo's bracelet and saw the glyphs on the glass. #I know all about u. and i will save u

[guardian-angle22]

TK/Carlos + Looks

↳ 2.12 The Big Heat

#tw: flashing lights #911 lone star #tk strand #carlos reyes #tarlos #tk/carlos + looks #normally i don't put the images in sequential order just cause I like it that way for these for some reason... but this one.. THIS ONE #the way you see tk just relentlessly staring at carlos. offering wordless support. but also telling him that tk knows he's not okay... #and just waiting until the inevitable break #then when it comes. tk just bundles him right in his arms and kisses his cheek immediately #lets carlos put his face in his favorite spot of tk's neck #carlos finally feeling safe enough to let his emotions out. to truly let himself express how he's feeling. and to be received with open arms #opening up about all the guilt he carries around within himself #ok.im done. #my gifs #(is that last image technically a ~look... no. but i put it in there for the pain anyway. youre welcome) #episode: s02e12 the big heat

[drunkenlion]

Here’s more of my ramblings about Trimax Vash. Can we talk about how in really conservative Japan in the 90s was created the character of Vash? Vash who openly weeps, grieves, softly smiles, consoles, empathises and sympathises, stubbornly stands up and refuses to answer to violence with violence? I know he’s literally an anime Jesus, but if we water it down to just a character in a medium, he’s really unique. Especially for a 90s shonen manga?  All I’m trying to say that he’s the original cinnamon bun and babygirl of all times okay? And I love him so much, I don’t think I’ll ever find the words in any language I know to describe it. Also, here’s a dump of the cute Vashies’ screenshots I took while reading Tristamp from beginning to end. Love and peace to everyone. 

#Trimax #Trigun #Trigun stampede #Vash the Stampede #Vash #Can we just agree that he's angelic? #He's my one and only babygirl #And can we all appreciate how Nightow magestically drew all his emotions? #You can see it all in his eyes #All the pain and guilt he bares #And love? #And grief? #And this tiredness? #UGH i feel so many feels now

[sysig]

Now that they can, would they want to spend a lot of time together? (Patreon)

#Doodles #Adventure Time #Fionna and Cake #Simon Petrikov #Marceline #Hhhh I feel so bad for both of them 💔 #Obviously Simon misses her since she's like the one tether he still has to ''his'' time - they were both born before all the Everything #And I'm sure Marceline misses Simon too but like - even this Simon isn't ''her'' Simon. They met when he was already affected by the Crown #They clearly love each other when they see each other when Simon is as much himself as he can be! #But I can't help but wonder if it would be painful to spend time with this sad lonely magicless man - and how guilty that would make Simon #He wants to still be a part of her life! But how much of himself does he even have to offer now? #And the guilt would go round and round - she sees it in him and he sees that in her and they just both feel bad! #I really can't blame him for being a little emotionally closed and her being distant - they're not who they were #With all that said I still really love their dynamic <3 They're /not/ who they used to be but they've still got such an interesting relation #I think in the moments that they do have together where they're both trying to be good for each other Marcy would really push her humour ♪ #She's got 1000 years of silliness to get out of her system to her bestie! I'm sure she's got the material hehe #Even if he still sees her as a little girl - I mean that just adds to the joke if she says something a bit blue lol #I don't think he'd actually keep the sharp teeth - it's more of a visual metaphor of how Marceline sees him in these kinds of moments #It's hard to leave it behind!

[bumblingbabooshka]

Let's put the angst back into pon farr - the deeply rooted shame

#currently writing........................ #picturing: What if Tuvok's bond with T'Pel makes him yearn for her through his pon farr even if he has to spend it with another person? #the shame and guilt and disgust of not only experiencing the indignity of the pon farr at all but also not spending it with T'Pel #and the horror that he'll have to (ostensibly) endure this every seven years for the next seventy #when you're suffering and probably SHOULD logically bond with another person to help you get through the fever #but the fever wails and agonizes - drowning you in the sorrow and love you've been suppressing in order to function #crushed between a rock (you're suffering even more bc you're still bonded to T'Pel) & a hard place (to break your bond with T'Pel would be #agony - it's all you have left - this pain is all you have left)

[bunnyreaper]

PLS PLS IM BEGGING UPDATE COLLARS AND CAGES PLSSSSSS IM GONNA CRY THE CLIFFHANGER OF CHAPTER 4 PLSSS UPDATE IT

no

#okay but seriously #im sure you didnt mean to be rude #but im genuinely struggling so much with my physical and mental health #i can barely use my right hand at all #and some days i push myself through to try and write and you know what?? #it makes my wrist worse #and yet every day i sit with this guilt and pain bcs im not doing enough #not writing enough #not good enough #and its not like i have my usual outlets to relieve stress #so yeah #ill update at some point i promise #its coming #but i literally struggle to physically type because i have one hand and one finger #and then wrist pain #and shoulder pain #and i was just SICK #like im trying my best i swear <3

[blue-mood-blue]

What if Hua Cheng had memorialized the temple?

I don’t think he did, canonically. I imagine that was a memory he wasn’t keen to linger on, especially not to such an extent as to record it, to hover over the details in his mind and commit it to physical imagery. But I could see where he might - maybe catharsis, so that night can exist somewhere outside of his head. Maybe twisting, spiteful justice, so the world won’t be allowed to forget what it did to his god. Maybe just desperation, to record every shard of Xie Lian that he has in an effort not to lose a single piece while he searches.

It wouldn’t be graphic; I think it would be something more stylized, more symbolic. Xie Lian is tied to his own altar. He has replaced the divine statue that should be there instead, the god made present the way he was for Hua Cheng once, the way he was for all of his people once. He is surrounded by blades, but they aren’t piercing him yet. Hua Cheng can’t do that to him even in paint. Bai Wuxiang is not featured, because Hua Cheng would not force any version of Xie Lian into that monster’s presence, but there is a ghost fire hovering near. There is a small, crushed flower on the ground at the foot of the altar, like it was dropped from the Flower Crowned Prince’s hand moments before. The entire tableau holds its breath in the anticipation of something horrific.

It’s painted in a shadowed corner, with a cloth hung in front of it. Not out of shame, or even because of Hua Cheng’s own trauma - out of respect for the prince’s privacy, unwillingness to make a moment of such incredible, painful vulnerability a spectacle to anyone else without the prince’s say-so.

That doesn’t stop Mu Qing from finding it.

Mu Qing, who was already horrified, Mu Qing, who was looking for Xie Lian to drag him out of the caves immediately because he’d seen a statue that suggested things he would rather not think about in regards to his former prince… Mu Qing brushes the curtain aside in that tucked-away corner and stops.

A hundred blades are pointed at His Highness. A hundred faces leer and sob and stare. And Xie Lian sits at the center of it all, head lowered, waiting for the slaughter.

Is it so unreasonable that Mu Qing takes it for a threat? Is it so unreasonable of Mu Qing to drag Feng Xin to what he’s found, for the both of them to slip an arm around each of the prince’s own and pull him away from wherever that altar is somewhere in the complicated network of twisted, obscene worship? That thing painted on the wall - it can’t have ever happened. They would know. Mu Qing and Feng Xin, who spent every day of their early lives with the prince, beside the prince, trailing along behind the prince… they would know. They would have been there; they would have prevented it. This is the fantasy of a ghost king who laid ruin to thirty-three heavenly officials and found his thirst still unslaked.

(Mu Qing does not consider the eight hundred years of Xie Lian’s life he knows nothing about. Feng Xin does not consider the eight hundred years of Xie Lian’s life he knows nothing about. It’s a habit they’ve grown skilled at, over eight hundred years.)

They don’t explain to Xie Lian, so Xie Lian has no opportunity to explain to them what they saw. And Mu Qing isn’t wrong, when he concludes that Xie Lian has been stalked and watched and hunted since he was seventeen. He isn’t wrong. He just doesn’t know, yet, what direction the threat is coming from. There’s no time for anyone to tell him, or Feng Xin, who tied the restraints and provided the sword.

They’ll find out. Masks are made to be removed.

#heaven official's blessing #tgcf #hua cheng #xie lian #mu qing #feng xin #couldn't decide if this should be a text post or a ficlet so it kinda became both #anyway i definitely don't see this as canon #but i am consumed with the idea of WHAT IF #like i am already fascinated by any and all versions of mu qing and feng xin finding out about the temple #and like. what if there was no context. what if they assumed the threat was an ongoing thing. #(it is) #it just... also fascinates me that YEAH - mu qing cottoned on to the fact that xie lian had someone who was unhealthily fascinated with him #but. BUT. #He Did Not Know #and that is to me more horrifying because of who it actually turned out to be #anyway #all of this to say that i am so interested in situations where xie lian's pain is revealed and also the horror #of seeing it as something that might still happen and not even knowing that this is a horror that has already happened #the horror of finding out that you were far too late to prevent it and you never even KNEW #the horror of finally knowing the shape of that formless guilt you felt #i have feelings about it can you tell :P #this will probably not be the last time i explore this space

[everyones-least-favorite-bard]

i love yoohan sm because of the sheer intensity of emotion the scenes with them once their dynamic is fleshed out has (MUSEUM FIGHT) but ive been thinking about doksoo a lot lately specifically avatar/1863 hsy and just the absolutely CRUSHING realization it must have been to realize you hold the key to saving the world, not even via a method or item or anything but that you are fully capable of saving the world; saving the universe through INACTION but she just looked at kim dokja, kim “this universe’s most powerless existence” dokja and actively damned the world to give him a chance to be happy ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

#like yeah 0th round is horribly painful #and like yjh choosing to regress is also a big ow #(understatement of the century) #BUT LIKE GUYS #WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS MORE #HAN SOOYOUNG RIGHTS SHE FUCKED SHIT UP TOO #CAN YOU IMAGINE #LIVING WITH THAT GUILT #AND KNOWLEDGE #AND THEN STILL BEING UNABLE TO SAVE HIM #IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING INDEED #AAAAAOUGH #anyways #orv #omniscient reader #omniscient reader's viewpoint #han sooyoung #kim dokja #hsy #kdj #doksoo #orv spoilers

[limepigeon]

that line about Ortega saying he wasn’t sober for a month after Heartbreak keeps replaying in my head, lately especially how it would affect Chen (:

#fhr #fallen hero retribution #fallen hero #ortega #wei Chen #steelcharge #chargesteel #I guess #I just keep thinking about all the pain after heartbreak #the survivor’s guilt #the wasted opportunities of words gone unspoken #just augh #I have many feelings