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hollandroos · 6 years

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Blow a kiss, Fire a Gun | Pt.3

Teaser Pt.1 Pt.2 | TOM HOLLAND MOB AU

Do you guys prefer a shorter (2k-2.5k) post ever 2-3 days or a longer post (3-4k) every 4 days?

Words: 2.6K

Summary: You’re arranged to marry Tom Holland, Londons most feared mobster, but it’s never easy. He doesn’t seem to want you and you don’t want anything to do with him.

For the longest time, Tom only knew what it was like to be controlling, demanding and overall cruel. He ran the biggest mob in all of London so the boy didn’t have time for fun. He couldn’t just go bowling with his mates on the weekends or spend the early hours of the morning in a pub, downing unacceptable amounts of alcohol, no matter how much he wanted too in the earlier years. His life consisted of keeping a straight face and keeping everything under control. The only thing he hadn’t had control over was you, and now that he’d met you he doubted you were the type to go ahead and submit to him.

Over the last couple of days, he’d learnt your schedule, he’d worked out typically what time you got out of bed, ate your meals if you ever visited the library etc and he worked out how to dodge you. It wasn’t that. No, he definitely wasn’t a fan of this at all, despite the flirty, confident front he put up. There was something about you but Tom was not prepared to get off of his high horse just yet.

Shutting the lid of his laptop and shoving the pens back in their holder, Tom looked up at his father who had been patiently sitting on the other side of the desk for the last five minutes, waiting for his son to finish whatever important business he was attending.

Tom could easily remember being a kid, sitting behind his father's desk and watching the way his father acted. Taking in exactly how he spoke to his men and dealt with those that did him wrong. He would sometimes sit downstairs eagerly, waiting for his father to finish a meeting so that he could learn all about it, who did them wrong or if any new deals had come up. His parents use to say that Tom was a born leader, always taking the front stand.

But Tom also watched how his father interacted with his family, around Nicki and Dom had tried to teach his son that there was a line between work and family. There was a time and place to be closed off, and there was a time and place to be loving. So he didn’t understand how his son had turned out so stone cold.

“Tom, you have an important event coming up and I was hoping you’d take Y/N” Dom ignored the way his son tensed. “She hasn’t left the house since she came here days ago” He truly did look up to his father, but sometimes he wondered why.

Dom fiddled with one of the objects Tom kept on his desk. Tom favoured his office, it was secluded, a room that he controlled who could come in and out of and one that he preferred to spend most of his days in.

Tom shrugged, wanting to try and end the conversation as quickly as possible but with his father, he knew that this could be as long or as short as he desired. “She can leave anytime she wants.”

“With what, Thomas? A car?” Dom knew he was right, the poor girl didn’t have any sorts of transportation, despite Tom probably owning one or more too many cars. “Take her out, get to know her and who knows, maybe you’ll hit it off”

“What happens then? We live happily ever after like you and mum?” Dom flinched slightly as Tom stood up, smacking his hands down on the desk. “News flash, father, Y/N and I were forced together because of a stupid contract that we couldn’t worm ourselves out of, you and Mom fell in love”

“This girl is really making an impression isn’t she?” The tension in the room was unreal and it made Dom nod because in one way or another, you were getting to Tom. Whether it was frustrating him beyond the point of acceptance or slowly making your way into his heart. “What’s going to happen when we need someone to take over the mob? This job was given to you, Tom. Not Sam or Harry. It’s your job to keep it going, don’t forget that I can replace you with one of them with the snap of my fingers.”

“We’re not talking about kids-”

“You had years to prepare yourself for this, boy. Years to sleep around and do whatever the hell you wanted but it’s real now, You can either accept her and make this girl a part of your life or pretend that she doesn’t exist, make her just another person under your roof and live a miserable life.” He stopped there, deciding that it was too soon to tell Tom about the other part of the contract.

“I’ll take her to the event, but don’t expect us to be in love by tomorrow… or at all”

“You tell me this now, boy, but I give up a few months and you’ll be on your knees for her”

Tom simply rolled his eyes, taking a sip of the cold coffee he’d had sitting in his office for the last hour and grimaced. He didn’t fall to his knees for anyone. Dom on the other hand, felt elated. It was early days but he could already see his plan working, the same one that’d been years in the making.

“If it isn’t the troublemaker”

You spun around, placing the cereal box down and facing Harrison. He wore a cocky smirk, one that reminded you oddly of Tom. Tom, you hadn’t seen him in days. “Ahh, it’s the sidekick, nice to see you again”

You walked out of the kitchen, heading over to the couch in the living room that only seemed to be bigger than your previous home..“If we’re going to be seeing a lot more of each other you may as well call me Harrison”

“We’ll see, I don’t expect to be here for long” You placed a spoon in your bowl and sat next to Harrison on the couch. You looked up to see that he was watching Magic Mike and snickered.

He faced you, pausing the movie. “What? Wanna see the real thing?”

You’d gotten used to his playful banter over the last few days, often brushing past him in the living room that still managed to blow your mind. It was an elegant room with two grey couches, large flat screen tv and a coffee table. There were, of course, a few other accents that you haven't paid too much attention too yet.

“Go for it” You knew it was a joke, this was merely a conversation with a flirty undertone, nothing more, nothing less. It wasn’t hard to tell that Harrison was fit underneath his clothing, the boy was like a walking god.

“I think Tom would snap my neck if I did that, he’s very protective over what’s his”

You stopped your movements, screwing up your face when Harrison labelled you as Tom’s as if you were nothing but an object. Harrison said it as if it were nothing. It made you angry, an emotion that you was far too common at this point. Placing your half-eaten bowl of cereal on the table, you turn towards him.

“I’m not his, I never will be”

Harrison noticed your sudden anger and twisted his eyebrows. “I mean, you are his wife and in his books-”

“His books are irrelevant” The movie was now forgotten as you tried to forget what Harrison had just said.

“Whose books are irrelevant?” A new voice said, both of you looked towards the door to see Tom leaning against it, making Harrison stand up but you stayed seated. Toms' eyes bored into the two of you accusingly and you couldn’t deny the shiver that ran through you. He still frightened you, but still, your walls stayed up.

You asked yourself how much he’d heard, whether or not he actually thought of you as his and if he’d really snap Harrison's neck if he made a move, but still, a remark fell from your lips.

“Does it matter?” Tom found your sarcasm almost inviting, nodding his head at Harrison who got up, giving you a curt nod before walking out, leaving you alone with the same person that you’d been trying to ignore for days, not so unbeknownst to you he’d been dodging you too.

You definitely didn’t hate Harrison, he seemed like a fun person to be around and you could only ask yourself how he got himself situated with Tom.

“What’ve you been up too, princess?” You shrugged, ignoring his gaze. “I have something to ask you”

Your eyes widened, mouth drying up because god he could want anything from you and chances were that he could get it. Who knew that after your antics the other day you’d be straight back at square one, stuttering and flustering under his gaze.

Being alone with Tom wasn’t like how it was three days ago. Then, you wanted to get on his nerves but now, you didn’t want to push your luck.

“I have an event coming up in two days and according to my father, I need a date”

Of course, he needs to play happy families. “Why don’t you ask one of your other women?”

“Sweetpea, you’re my only lady” You rolled your eyes, not falling for his words. He surely had a line of woman at the door, waiting for his instructions and you refused to be one of the ones that’d fall to their knees for him.

“What if I don’t want to go?”

You noticed how the red and black striped shirt hugged his muscles, the shirt tightening whenever he tensed. Tom was surely attractive, beyond that even but he was also terrifying, alarming and sent bundles of nerves down your spine when he so much as glanced at you the wrong way.

“Then you can sit here and moop all you like, I’m not stopping you but I thought you’d like to go out”

Every fibre of your body was screaming at you to say no, to refuse his offer and walk out but there was a part of you that was bored beyond comparison. You missed human interaction, but these people were probably dangerous. You missed having fun and letting go, but would Tom let you let go?

“Aren’t the people there going to be dangerous?” Tom smiled cheekily, knowing that you were debating actually attending with him. “Besides what will I wear? I didn’t exactly get to bring a large range of clothing with me”

“Darling, no one will even think of messing with you considering you’ll stick with me.” The other question was no issue for him. “I can get you a dress in time, don’t stress” He found that amusing, that you thought someone would try and mess with what was his.

You nodded, still unsure if this was the right thing but you needed this, a little time to socialize and get out of the house.

“Where is this event?”

Deciding not to answer that question yet, Tom simply shook his head, already picturing the type of dress he wanted you in. “If you knew, you’d back out and I can’t have that��

Before you could question why he wouldn’t tell you or why that cocky smirk returned to his face, the door opened and a small dog came bounding in, her tongue sticking out of her mouth as she ran to Tom.

Tom seemed delighted to see her, getting down on his knees and petting her head to which you stepped back slowly, thinking that if this was Tom’s dog then was probably anything but nice to strangers.

“Hey sweet pea, I missed you” He coed. “Darling, this is Tessa” Tom watched as your eyes widened and you stepped behind him slowly. It wasn’t that you disliked dogs, no, you were just on edge about dogs that you hadn’t met before.

“Does she bite?” The dog sat in front of Tom instead of bearing its teeth and you relaxed slightly. Quite frankly she was adorable, the little grey Staffy lifted its tail, wagging it back and forth slightly.

“Tessa? Oh god, no,” he laughed, kneeling down to his dog and patting her head. She immediately began licking his face, her tail wagging excitedly as she tried to tackle her owner. “She’s the softest dog you’ll ever meet”

You couldn’t help the giggle that spilled from your lips as he smiled and spoke in a soft baby voice to his dog, but you hid it with a sarcastic comment. “Who knew Tom Holland had a soft spot for dogs, hmm?”

He went from cocky and sarcastic to soft in the span of only a few seconds, all because of a dog?

Tom tensed slightly when he heard your giggle, but he didn’t tense out of fear of being caught in a moment so few close to him ever saw. No, Tom tensed because he’d heard your laugh and liked it. “One dog, princess, I have a soft spot for one dog. She’s the only girl in my life”

The smile fell from your face when he said that, which didn’t go unnoticed by Tom as he continued to play with his dog.

“I thought you said five minutes ago that i was your only lady?” The line was nothing but a joke, a cocky remark but Tom thought otherwise.

“Is someone jealous?”

Scoffing, You get down on your knees, slowly reaching a hand out which the dog sniffed for a moment before plopping her head down, waiting for a pat which you gladly gave her. She seemed to like it too, rolling over and sticking her tongue out of her mouth happily. “Don’t think ahead of yourself, Holland, I still despise you”

Let me know what YOU want to read, I thrive on feedback/ideas

Part 4!

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tabloidtoc · 3 years

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National Enquirer, February 1

You can now buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Conspiracy Exposed! White Supremacists Caused Capitol Riot

Page 2: Friends of scandal-scarred Shia LaBeouf fear he is sliding off the rails now that galpal Margaret Qualley has suddenly dumped him and Shia feels deserted and completely alone since Margaret walked out on him and he was blindsided when the actress took off in the wake of abuse accusations by his past girlfriends and colleagues labeled him difficult -- Shia thought he could count on Margaret to be at his side while he defended himself but she’s been warned by friends and family he’s toxic in Hollywood and that staying with him could ruin her career

Page 3: Siegfried Fischbacher’s sad last days have been full of tears and regret as the ailing entertainer prepares to be reunited in the afterlife with cherished partner Roy Horn -- the German-born illusionist has been fighting pancreatic cancer but after having a malignant tumor removed during a 12-hour surgery last month, Siegfried left the facility to die at Little Bavaria which is the Las Vegas home he long shared with Roy

Page 4: Angelina Jolie has been digging up dirt on ex-husband Brad Pitt’s pals in a desperate bid to get the upper hand in their toxic divorce war -- Angie and her team are still looking for whatever they can get on Brad but he’s so squeaky clean these days they’re turning their attention to the rockers and grungy types that he hangs with in L.A. and it’s all very twisted but Angie is willing to try anything at this point -- Angie and Brad’s custody battle is at a standstill with Angie refusing to budge with her demand for full custody of the kids while Brad wants more visitation rights -- Angie is likely to be barking up the wrong tree because Brad’s friends are sober clean-living types who have been a huge influence in helping him turn his life around but she’s leaving no stone unturned in this divorce fight

* Consciously unconventional Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Brad Falchuk are taking mini-breaks to prove that absence makes the heart grow fonder -- the love is there but Gwyneth is suggesting they try mini-me breaks to keep the embers burning in their relationship and she believes separating from time to time will stir up the passion ad anticipation between them -- Gwyneth often slips off for short trips without Brad and feels no guilt or remorse for it and she encourages Brad to do the same and says it makes her miss him when he’s away

Page 5: Sandra Bullock has become buddies with Will Smith and wife Jada Pinkett Smith and is reaping the benefits of the longtime couple’s hard-earned advice and Sandra’s five-year romance with photographer Bryan Randall has never been better -- the new friendship blossomed after Sandra appeared on Jada’s Red Table Talk show to celebrate frontline workers during the pandemic and Sandra and Jada have gotten really close since then and Jada’s been giving Sandra tips about how to handle the highs and lows of a relationship and learning to appreciate her man

Page 6: Newbie twosome Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles are already shopping for a love shack and they want to be with each other all the time and they both need permanent places to live because Olivia’s been staying at a temporary place and Harry’s been staying with friends and they both want someplace where they can be together in private -- Olivia wants two places which is one where she can be a mother to her kids with ex Jason Sudeikis but she also wants a love nest to share with Harry and they’ve been looking in the Pacific Palisades and Malibu areas because they’re in love but they don’t want to flaunt their relationship in front of her kids; Olivia has too much fondness and respect for Jason to do that

Page 7: Carrie Underwood and husband Mike Fisher have been gushing all over each other but they’ve worked 24/7 for months to avoid a divorce -- they had very real problems that stretched back years because Carrie was either working too hard in the recording studio or on the road or in their home gym and their issues never really got addressed head-on and they were even talking divorce but lockdown has done them both a world of good by forcing them to get to know each other all over again

* Covidiot of the Week -- Bruce Willis got booted from a Los Angeles Rite Aid rather than put on a mask to protect his freaked-out fellow shoppers -- Bruce was wearing a bandana around his neck as he strolled the aisles of the pharmacy but he apparently lacked the strength to pull it up and over his nose and mouth because he refused to wear a mask and he walked out of the store leaving his intended purchases behind rather than respond to a manager’s plea to have some respect for other people

Page 8: Love-starved Kelly Clarkson is having a little “Office” romance with one of the beloved sitcom’s former stars Craig Robinson -- a recent flirt-fest on Kelly’s chat show has left the newly single mother of two singing the comic actor’s praises to pals and he totally swept her off her feet and she thinks he’s cute and one of the funniest guys she’s ever met -- the mutual attraction between the two was immediate and obvious and she’s been reaching out to him on the phone and they’ve been continuing their funny and flirty repartee -- Kelly thinks he’s the perfect catch and wants to start 2021 off on the right foot after all the hell she’s going through in her divorce from Brandon Blackstock

* Embattled Ellen DeGeneres has cooked up a new plan to save her troubled career and marriage: a baby -- last year was the toughest year of her life let alone her career and she’s hoping a baby may be the answer to all her problems -- it was hell at home for wife Portia de Rossi because Ellen was blasting her about anything and everything and Portia declared she had no intention of being Ellen’s personal punching bag and Ellen has now realized how harsh she had been on her spouse of 12 years and that’s when Ellen cooked up the concept of having a baby to bond over and Ellen is convinced that sharing a child will bring them closer together again and is willing to go the surrogate route to make it happen -- she also believes bringing a baby into her life will improve her image and it’s a can’t-lose scenario in her mind

Page 9: Kelly Ripa is pushing pal Ryan Seacrest to find new romance online -- Ryan spent the holidays alone after being dumped by his on-off galpal Shayna Taylor but Kelly believes he can find lasting love with an age-appropriate partner -- Ryan is 46 and he’s dated some of the most beautiful women in the world but Kelly thinks he’d do a lot better if he looked for women closer to his age and Kelly has been pushing him to try a dating app like Raya which caters to a star-studded clientele -- Kelly has been happily married for 21 years and wants the same happiness for Ryan and she thinks he can find that by using an app where he can find a woman in his age bracket with similar interests and attitudes

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Malin Akerman hit the road on her bike in L.A., shirtless Justin Bieber hitting the shore in Hawaii, Good Morning America co-host Robin Roberts smoothed back her hairdo on the morning show set, Larsa Pippen posed on her Porsche outside her Miami mansion, dapper dresser Chris Pine shot scenes from the upcoming thriller All the Old Knives in London

Page 11: Dustin Diamond has been hospitalized with searing pain and is undergoing tests to pin down the cause of the mystery ailment but he feared prognosis is cancer which is said to have a history of the disease in his family

* Carol Burnett is overjoyed her temporary guardianship of grandson Dylan Hamilton-West has been extended but remains heartbroken her troubled daughter Erin is not yet prepared to resume her role as a parent -- Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Deborah L. Christian extended the guardianship until November 30 and praised Carol and her husband Brian Miller saying that everything seems to be going along swimmingly -- the judge also ruled Erin will be allowed supervised weekly visits with Dylan

* The house that tragic Glee star Naya Rivera shared with her son Josey in Los Feliz, California is up for sale for $2,695,000 -- Naya purchased the four-bedroom, three-bath home in May 2018 for $1,660,000 just a month before her divorce from Ryan Dorsey with whom she she shared custody of Josey

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Katie Couric desperately hopes her guest host stint on Jeopardy! will turn into a full-time job replacing the late Alex Trebek -- it will be positioned that Katie is guest-hosting for a week but it’s actually an audition; all the upcoming Jeopardy! guest hosts are being tested out and depending on how they do and how the audience responds one of them will get the gig full-time -- the show is moving very carefully to replace Alex because they get one shot at this and if they hire the wrong person the show is over

* Kathy Griffin won’t ever be able to mend fences with former BFF Anderson Cooper after she posted a gruesome image of Donald Trump’s decapitated head -- Anderson holds a grudge like no other and once you upset him it’s for life -- he isn’t rude and he’s not vindictive but he has zero interest in ever being friends with Kathy ever again

* Image-obsessed Tom Cruise has boosted security since audiotapes were leaked of his meltdown on the Mission: Impossible set -- all phones and non-official recording devices have been banned from the set and Tom has become increasingly annoyed at anything being leaked from his closed set and he’s very controlling when it comes to his image and he’s upped his security to make sure a breach in protocol like that never happens again

* Selling Sunset’s Christine Quinn glams it up for a photo shoot in Bel-Air (picture)

Page 13: Sylvester Stallone is ready to relinquish his title as Tinseltown’s reigning action champ to enjoy the final rounds of his heavyweight career at his new Florida mansion surrounded by his family -- he isn’t hanging up his gloves in the movie business just yet but is content to coast to the final bell at the $35 million West Palm Beach estate with Jennifer Flavin his wife of 23 years -- Sly’s been working his butt off for decades and he’s finally got the perfect place where they can settle down and host their children whenever they want a proper family gathering

* Jennifer Garner hasn’t even moved into her $7.5 million home yet but she’s already installed a state-of-the-art security system to keep it safe -- the safety-conscious mom of three is building her Los Angeles dream home from scratch right around the corner from where she lived with ex-husband Ben Affleck and while the finishing touches aren’t complete she has made serious security arrangements like motion detectors and lights and safes and up to 20 surveillance cameras around the posh pad to keep intruders away from her and the children she shares with Ben: Violet, Seraphina and Samuel -- it’s costing her a fortune but she’ll spend whatever she needs to keep her family safe

Page 14: Crime

Page 15: Accused rapist Danny Masterson could be dumped by the Church of Scientology to protect its leader David Miscavige -- the Church of Scientology is not loyal to anyone but itself and it has no interest in its parishioners even Danny Masterson and if their leader is going to be exposed they will take out Danny in a heartbeat; he’d be excommunicated -- Masterson faces criminal charges he raped three women and he’s also battling a civil suit filed by four women who accuse him of rape and Scientology of intimidating them into silence and not reporting the crimes to police -- attorneys for the fourth woman Marie Bobette Riales are trying to serve a subpoena on Miscavige in a bid to expose the ruthless tactics used by Scientology to hide the twisted secrets of its celebrity members -- the controversial church will do anything including dumping Danny to prevent Miscavige from being dragged into court but if Scientology turns on Danny he could spill all their secrets on the stand

Page 16: Hollywood kid Rumer Willis has rewarded herself for four years of sobriety with a plastic surgery tune-up -- in a photo she recently posted to Instagram her face appeared more streamlined and her new look is likely due to cosmetic enhancements

* Nagging allegations that Kanye West is gay and had affairs with two male beauty gurus could not have come at a worse time for the troubled rapper -- Kanye is furious at the salacious accusations just as his marriage to Kim Kardashian is hanging by a thread and although Kanye is far from homophobic but the last thing he needs right now is to try and fight off rumors about his sexuality just when he’s desperate to save his marriage and he thinks the accusers are just trying to capitalize on his current problems and trying to crush any hope he has of staying together with Kim -- TikTok influencer Ava Louise dropped the first bomb in early January when she claimed Kanye slept with male YouTuber Jeffree Star and that it played a role in the current fractured state of his marriage and less than 24 hours after Ava shared her shocking claims she received a cease-and-desist letter from Kim’s mom Kris Jenner’s communications company -- Jeffree Star took to YouTube to deny the affair -- another male beauty influencer Cole Carrigan then jumped on the bandwagon and claimed to have had a sexual encounter with Kanye at Hollywood’s W hotel and said he had receipts and texts between him and one of the rapper’s bodyguards adding he didn’t want to say too much because he didn’t want a lawsuit from Kim Kardashian West but two days later Cole posted a video of himself with a cease-and-desist letter from the bodyguard’s attorney

Page 17: Only a week after Larry King was hospitalized with a life-threatening COVID-19 diagnosis his estranged wife Shawn splurged on a three-hour shopping spree -- Shawn didn’t seem to have a care in the world when she was snapped browsing for beauty supplies and home furnishings in L.A. while at the same time her soon-to-be ex-husband remained hospitalized in Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after being transferred from the intensive care unit

Page 18: American Life

Page 19: Kim Cattrall’s feud with Sex and the City co-star Sarah Jessica Parker just won’t die -- Kim who played Samantha Jones recently liked a tweet from a fan praising her for not joining her former castmates in an upcoming SATC reboot -- Kim and Sarah reportedly clashed behind the scenes for years

* Amber Heard splashed out more than $1 million in donations toward fulfilling her pledge to give away her $7 million divorce settlement from Johnny Depp -- one of Amber’s attorneys challenged charges from Depp’s legal team who claimed Amber had pocketed the princely sum -- Amber has been delayed in that goal because Johnny filed a lawsuit against her and consequently she has been forced to spend millions of dollars defending his claims against her

Page 20: Daring Duchess Sarah Ferguson has written a racy romance novel and she’s taken inspiration from her very own love life -- the ex-wife of Britain’s Prince Andrew who was scandalously snapped having her tootsies sucked by a suitor in 1992 penned Her Heart for a Compass which is set to be released this summer -- Sarah said the page-turner was inspired by the life of her great-aunt Lady Margaret Montagu Douglas Scott and the work incorporates research into the duchess’ heritage and draws upon her own unique life journey and experiences -- the historical saga is set in the late 1800s

* Hollywood Hookups -- Luke Evans and boyfriend Rafa Olarra split, Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly move into together, LeToya Luckett and husband Tommicus Walker split

Page 21: Prince Harry’s sporting a new crowning glory which is a ponytail -- that’s the dish from Rob Lowe who spotted Harry’s new ‘do while driving in their California neighborhood -- Rob said it looked that his hair had grown very long and was pulled back very tightly in a ponytail and he even followed the car to Harry and wife Meghan Markle’s mansion to make sure it was him -- Rob said Harry lives about a mile from him and he’s been very reclusive and seeing him is like seeing the Loch Ness Monster

* George Clooney’s face has blown up like a balloon -- he looked painfully gaunt for months after rapidly dropping 28 pounds to play an ailing scientist in his latest movie The Midnight Sky but once the sickly star has bounced back and judging from his mug he’s apparently been pigging out in a bid to regain the weight he lost

* Brendan Fraser is gearing up for a big career comeback as a 600-pound recluse in Darren Aronofsky’s The Whale -- the choice of the role is ironic as the once-chiseled star seemed to fall out favor with Tinseltown bigwigs when his own weight ballooned -- Brendan is poised to make a whopper of a return to leading man status with meaty character Charlie who is a grief-stricken compulsive eater who seeks to reconnect with his estranged daughter

Page 22: Explosive evidence reveals Earth is in great danger from attacking space aliens but despite a 3000-document cache released by the CIA, the government is still finding ways to classify extraterrestrial information -- the CIA dossier was obtained by John Greenewald Jr. and published on his Black Vault website -- the documents were likely released because of a new law that is part of the recent $2.3 billion COVID-19 relief package passed by Congress requiring government agencies to spill the beans on the UFO data they’ve amassed over 70 years

* Agonizing health woes threaten to push long-suffering Lisa Marie Presley over the edge -- Lisa Marie has been in a lot of pain and years of drug and alcohol abuse have devastated her body -- she’s recently battled liver ailments and an abdominal muscle tear and suffered a hernia and had to have two teeth removed -- in addition to being in physical torment Lisa Marie had to move out of her Los Angeles home while workers addressed a problem with toxic mold -- Lisa Marie was already close to rock bottom after her son Ben Keough killed himself in July and amid her grief she’s still embroiled in a lawsuit with her former manager and locked in an ugly divorce and custody battle with fourth husband Michael Lockwood the father of her twins Harper and Finley

Page 23: As more shocking details emerged from Armie Hammer’s former girlfriends about what they claim are his sick and twisted fetishes for rape, bondage and cannibalism his career is crumbling before his eyes -- although many had trouble believing the depths of depravity allegedly revealed in private messages an anonymous woman claimed the actor sent her, even his estranged wife is shocked and sickened by Armie’s tawdry reported sexual tastes -- this is not the kind of scandal any actor would want to be linked to -- his pals are urging him to get counseling as the scandal could kill the trust-fund actor’s career

Page 25: Cover Story -- It’s just the beginning! Capitol riot conspiracy exposed -- Proud Boys led blood-soaked siege -- 5-page investigative special

Page 29: Outspoken Arnold Schwarzenegger likened the recent attack on the U.S. Capitol which left 5 dead to Nazi violence -- the former California governor and staunch Republican compared the January 6 riots by protestors, who refused to accept the outcome of the 2020 presidential election, to German’s Kristallnacht in 1938 -- in a video address Austrian-born Schwarzenegger who’s held U.S. citizenship since 1983 said Wednesday was the Day of Broken Glass right here in the United States

Page 32: Health

Page 38: Tormented actor Gabriel Byrne confessed he finally confronted the priest who abused him when he was 11 years old and it didn’t go well -- Byrne phoned the pedophilic priest in 2002 but the sicko said he has no recollection and even thanked Gabriel for reaching out -- Gabriel wanted in those last seconds to say that even though he doesn’t believe in Hell he hopes the priest did because he wanted him to be terrified and burn forever but he said nothing because some part of him did not want to hurt an old man with a kindly voice stuck in a retirement home

* Miley Cyrus decorates her home with X-rated doodads -- she said in an interview that she likes sex toys and she buys them for herself but ends up using them for interior design

Page 40: Sleazy sex creep Jeffrey Epstein was nearly snared in a To Catch a Predator-style sting almost five years before the pedophile’s suspicious death in a Manhattan prison dished journalist Chris Hansen -- the former NBC host recently claimed in 2014 or 2015 after Epstein’s first jail stint for soliciting a minor he met with lawyers for some of the sex offenders alleged victims who claimed the financier was abusing underage girls -- they had a big file on it according to Hansen and he was trying to fashion a Predator-like sting operation in which they could catch him but he gave up on his quest because security at Epstein’s NYC and Florida homes made it very difficult to come up with something -- Hansen admitted not nailing Epstein was his biggest career regret

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Taylor Swift at the Grammys

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Mayim Bialik on the premiere episode of her sitcom Call Me Kat

Page 47: The Odd List

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i-am-very-very-tired · 4 years

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SUBSCRIBE HOME ARTICLE 'Suits': Inside Harvey Specter's mind and office MANDI BIERLY Updated August 18, 2011 at 06:41 PM EDT Gabriel Macht, who stars as Suits‘ Harvey Specter, one of New York’s best (and best-dressed) legal closers, had an idea that USA would renew the show for a second season even before creator Aaron Korsh announced it on set last week as they were shooting the Sept. 8 season 1 finale. In addition to making USA the most-watched network on Thursdays at 10 p.m. ET this summer, “Everybody at USA was constantly telling us how great the show is,” Macht says. “Jeff Wachtel, who co-runs the network, was like, ‘Gabriel, I’m telling you. We pull out our pens to take our notes for each episode, then all the sudden, we put the caps back on the pens and we just watch, and we’re entertained, and we don’t have any real notes.’ That was pretty exciting to hear along the way.” With four episodes left this season — and 16 episodes ordered for 2012 — it’s officially safe to let ourselves get invested in trying to figure out who the mysterious man who only wears Tom Ford suits is. We asked Macht for some clues. Here’s what he had to say: Image Craig Sjodin • Harvey’s a collector: Exhibit A: The line of autographed basketballs on his window sill. “He represents and is friends with major athletes. He’s got Michael Jordan on his speed dial. He’s got basketballs signed by Jordan and Patrick Ewing. He’s got a baseball signed by Derek Jeter,” Macht says. “He’s got really signature — signature, ba dump-dump — sports memorabilia, which he’s gotten from auctions but also probably from the people themselves. He takes a lot in pride in that. He’s a man of the town. He’s connected.” We’ll learn in tonight’s episode — which features guest star Eric Close as an undefeated Boston lawyer who weens his way into a class action suit just so he can say he defeated Harvey Specter — that Harvey, who Macht suspects has season tickets for the Knicks and Yankees, is a former athlete himself. “Harvey wasn’t even on the case. It was Jessica’s case, but he brings up a high school baseball game where Harvey was the pitcher and his shoulder went out, and the team won without him anyway. Harvey still felt like he lost. I think that’s part of his reason for always wanting to win,” Macht laughs. “His sense of self was demolished at that point. He threw his arm out. Big deal. It happens. It wasn’t his fault. Why’s he got to be so serious all the time? My god.” Exhibit B: Harvey’s wall of records. “I think he puts his music on when he needs to mellow out and really focus and think,” Macht says. “He’s a jazz man and a blues man, those are his staples. But he’s got so many records there, he must listen to everything … His vast knowledge of obscure music marries well with his mental library of obscure facts.” Image Craig Sjodin • There are no drawers in Harvey’s office. Strange, right, because you’d think a man like Harvey would have things he’d need to hide. “Yes, but you know what, that’s what he’s got Donna for,” Macht says. “Donna has her little area, which is really interesting, because whenever we get the name of the locations we’re shooting, it’s actually called ‘Donna’s Area.’ There’s always some funny sexual innuendo that Sarah Rafferty, who plays Donna, throws out there. ‘Okay, you’re coming into Donna’s area.’ [Sarah] is awesome. She’s been my friend for over 20 years. She’s one of my best friends. Our daughters are best friends.” One thing Harvey does keep in his masculine, streamlined office, besides that furniture Macht describes as “classic, modern, timeless, Eames- and Herman Miller-inspired pieces that cost a mint”: a can opener. “It’s hidden in his office, and it reveals itself in the finale,” he teases. • Harvey is a movie buff. “There’s always a film reference or two in the episode. Harvey likes to try to stump Mike [Patrick J. Adams] or other characters. He’s playful.” • If you want to see Harvey’s lighter side, look on his office walls. “His artwork was chosen to show that he has a whimsical side with a truly wicked sense of humor,” Macht says. Image Craig Sjodin • Despite his protests otherwise, Harvey does have a heart. “He’s tough as nails, but he’s fair. He has a huge heart, but displays it behind everybody’s back. So he’ll stand up for Mike, but not to his face. He’ll go to Jessica, and say, ‘You’ve got to give this kid a second chance,’ and he’ll go to Lewis and go, ‘Are you nuts? You’re not gonna take this kid. He’s mine, and there’s no way you’re gettin’ near him.’ He believes that Mike is absolutely his ace in the hole, and that he’s a younger version of who Harvey was. He messes up and makes mistakes and he does things in a rogue way because he thinks he’s being clever, and sometimes he gets caught. That’s what Harvey did early on and still does, but he just gets away with it.” • Harvey loves Jessica (Gina Torres), but not in the way some fans may be hoping… “Jessica put Harvey through law school. He was in the mailroom. She found him and saw that this guy was an ace of her own and decided that, ‘I’m gonna put him through law school, and I’m gonna get him trial experience,’ and that’s how Harvey became an assistant district attorney in Manhattan,” Macht says. (We’ll meet the DA that mentored Harvey, played by Gary Cole, in the Sept. 1 episode, when his office comes under investigation and he turns to Harvey for help.) “I don’t think there was ever anything physical between Harvey and Jessica,” he continues. “I think Harvey loves Jessica just because she gave him his start and pulled him out of whatever mess he was in — and hopefully we’ll learn about that in season 2. But it’s funny. I was on YouTube the other night, and someone sent me a video, one of those where they cut together their own interpretations of relationships. Obviously, there’s this whole bromance [on Suits], so anyone who wants the homosexual twist between Mike and Harvey [can use] those really awkward moments of delayed, long looks. They’re so funny. But then there was one with Harvey and Jessica, and it just looked like, who knows what’s behind that story,” he laughs. “It was well done. It’s just funny to me, because I’m there everyday going, this is a total business relationship with [Jessica]. He’s the mentor to Mike…” Loading video Loading video Read more: Five reasons to love ‘Suits�� USA renews ‘Suits’ ‘Suits’ season finale scoop in the Spoiler Room MORE FROM EW.COM Real Housewives star Barbara Kavovit demolishing Harvey Weinstein's NYC office The Bachelor Fantasy Suites recap: Intimacy issues Sunrise Bay reunion! Inside the scandalous Schitt's Creek soap opera drama David Morrissey gets tormented by a sports mascot in Inside No. 9 clip What to Watch on Monday: Fantasy Suites on The Bachelor and Nick Jonas on The Voice premiere EW.com Learn More Subscribethis link opens in a new tab Content Licensingthis link opens in a new tab Sitemap Connect Follow Us © Copyright 2020 Meredith Corporation. Entertainment Weekly is a registered trademark of Meredith Corporation All Rights Reserved. Entertainment Weekly may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice. Privacy Policythis link opens in a new tab Data Policythis link opens in a new tab Terms of Servicethis link opens in a new tab Ad Choicesthis link opens in a new tab Your California Privacy Rightsthis link opens in a new tab Cookie Preferencesthis link opens a modal window Web Accessibilitythis link opens in a new tab

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junker-town · 5 years

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6 winners and 5 losers from the Odell Beckham Jr. trade

Congrats, Baker Mayfield. Take a bow, Jay Glazer. Free Saquon Barkley.

The Giants and Browns shocked the NFL world by agreeing to a trade of superstar receiver Odell Beckham Jr. The Browns sent back their 2019 first-round pick (No. 17 overall), one of their 2019 third-round picks, and safety Jabrill Peppers to the Giants.

Like any deal, there are parties involved that go beyond the individual pieces in the trade itself. Here are the winners and losers from the mega deal between the Giants and the Browns.

Winner: Baker Mayfield

Baker Mayfield has to be the biggest winner from this trade. The Browns quarterback was sensational as a rookie, throwing for 27 touchdowns to 14 interceptions in 14 games last season. He went from uneven first-year signal caller to legitimate offensive rookie of the year candidate after putting up massive numbers following Hue Jackson’s firing and Freddie Kitchens’ promotion to interim offensive coordinator.

Now, Kitchens is the club’s full-time head coach, and Mayfield gets one of the top receivers in the game to play with — and he already had Jarvis Landry, David Njoku, Antonio Callaway, Rashard Higgins, Duke Johnson, and Nick Chubb. There is a ton of playmaking talent and from the looks of it, they’ll have the right guy throwing him the ball.

Judging by his reaction to the trade, Mayfield is understandably pumped too:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Baker Mayfield (@bakermayfield) on Mar 12, 2019 at 5:08pm PDT

Winner: Odell Beckham Jr.

Beckham doesn’t have to play with an aging Eli Manning anymore. To remind you how bad it’s gotten, just watch this throw from their Monday night game against the 49ers last season.

This was atrocious pic.twitter.com/jirrDrjtSD

— dean (@DeanlsReal) March 12, 2019

Beckham finished his 2018 season with a perfect passer rating after completing both of his gadget play passes for touchdowns. Manning had a rebound season that stands as his statistical best since 2015 — and he still had only the league’s 21st-best passer rating. That was enough for Beckham to publicly (and tamely) call out his quarterback last October in an ESPN interview with Josina Anderson.

Manning just turned 38 years old. Unless he gets on the TB12 plan, this situation isn’t going to get much better for him.

Loser: Saquon Barkley

Poor Saquon Barkley. Now that Beckham is headed to Cleveland, Barkley becomes the clear-cut No. 1 weapon for the Giants’ offense. There won’t be any big-time receiving threat to scare defenses from loading up the box, unless Sterling Shepard has an extreme breakout season in 2019.

Barkley had 352 total touches on offense in his rookie season. He did turn that into 2,028 total yards, 15 touchdowns, and the NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year Award, but that was when he has sharing the field with Beckham for 12 games.

Now Barkley will be dealing with a depleted passing game while becoming a bigger piece of the offense. There’s no reason to think why he wont approach 400 total touches next season.

In the words of the great Steve Smith: “Ice up, son.”

Winner: Jarvis Landry

Jarvis Landry and Beckham have been friends for years, dating back to before they took the field together at LSU from 2011-13.

In high school, Odell Beckham Jr. told Jarvis Landry: “I want to be on the same team as you, I want to do some legendary things.” Now they’re teammates on the Browns! ( : @God_Son80) pic.twitter.com/KCdvZgadW8

— SB Nation (@SBNation) March 13, 2019

Beckham and Landry are reunited again now in Cleveland, where they’ll hope to pick up where they left off from their time in Baton Rouge — a reunion Landry’s been publicly hoping for for nearly a year.

Come to the @Browns reunite me with my brother @OBJ_3 #13 #80 https://t.co/EW4oJEkqgF

— Jarvis Juice Landry (@God_Son80) March 26, 2018

The move also reunites the playmaking, do-it-all duo with wide receivers coach Adam Henry, who served in that role with LSU from 2012 to 2014 and has been the Browns’ positional coach since 2018.

This will be the best situation that Landry has played in since he joined the NFL. He has bonafide No. 1 receiving option across from him for the first time and saw the upside that Mayfield can bring during the back half of last season.

Loser: Eli Manning

The good news for Manning: He’s got the starting job with the Giants and $23.2 million coming in 2019.

The bad news:

Giants wide receivers: 1. Sterling Shepard 2. Corey Coleman 3. Quadree Henderson 4. Jawill Davis 5. Alonzo Russell 6. Brittan Golden

— Mike Clay (@MikeClayNFL) March 13, 2019

The Giants are probably going to add some more weapons before the season starts. But it’s gonna be bad.

Loser: Whatever poor quarterback comes after Eli Manning

It’ll be interesting to see how the Giants handle having two first-round picks in the upcoming NFL Draft. Will they draft their future quarterback this year, or add two players that secure a foundation for a quarterback in the 2020 draft?

Either way, the Giants will have to add a successor at quarterback to eventually replace Manning. Playing with Beckham and Barkley would’ve made life easier for any young quarterback, but now Beckham is gone.

New York does have some pieces outside of Barkley in receiver Sterling Shepard, tight end Evan Engram, left guard Will Hernandez, and the recently acquired right guard Kevin Zeitler. But they don’t quite pack the same punch that Beckham did.

Winner: John Dorsey

In his time as general manager, John Dorsey has turned the Browns into a legitimate AFC contender. He’s ferociously attacking the window that Cleveland has with its rookie quarterback by trading for guys like Beckham and Olivier Vernon.

Now, the Browns arguably have the best roster in the AFC North and are poised to make a deep run into the playoffs. That’s not a bad turnaround for a team that was 0-16 in 2017 and 1-15 in 2016.

Browns safety Damarious Randall might’ve called it all along. A couple weeks ago, he tweeted:

John Dorsey lowkey a genius...

— Damarious Randall (@RandallTime) March 5, 2019

After the Beckham trade, he followed it up with:

John Dorsey is officially a genius...

— Damarious Randall (@RandallTime) March 13, 2019

Have to throw some love to Sashi Brown, too. He kind of set up the assets for all of this talent infusion to be possible.

Hats off to Dorsey. But Sashi deserves credit for originally acquiring assets Dorsey deployed to get OBJ, Denzel Ward, Nick Chubb and Demarious Randall. Also left him with Garrett, Ogunjobi, Njoku and Tretter https://t.co/MtYx6eNr6R

— Kevin Cole (@Cole_Kev) March 13, 2019

Loser: David Gettleman

When Gettleman was fired by the Panthers in July 2017, it was abrupt, surprising, and probably not undeserved. He’d already run Steve Smith, DeAngelo Williams, and Josh Norman out of town, and the Panthers fired him before he could screw up contract negotiations with Thomas Davis and Greg Olsen.

Sound familiar, Giants?

Just a couple months ago, he promised Beckham wasn’t going anywhere.

Gettleman: We didn’t sign Odell to trade him.

— New York Giants (@Giants) January 2, 2019

Before trading away Beckham, he shipped off Vernon to the Browns too. Meanwhile, New York is still going to be on the hook for a significant amount of both players’ paychecks.

As of now, Odell Beckham Jr. and Olivier Vernon are scheduled to count $32.5 million against the #Browns' salary cap in 2019, and $24 million against the #Giants' salary cap.

— Tom Pelissero (@TomPelissero) March 13, 2019

On top of those two trades, the Giants allowed Landon Collins — their best defensive player — to walk in free agency.

And just like that, Gettleman scrubbed three of the best players from the roster for reasons that are hard to explain. Do the Giants actually have a plan? Because it sure doesn’t look like it.

If only the Giants had listened ...

I tried to tell u @Giants fans Dave was your problem but u laughed and called me bitter! Well welcome to the salt wagon jump on and let’s ride together lol

— DeAngelo Williams (@DeAngeloRB) March 13, 2019

Mean while dg in Gotham right Now.. pic.twitter.com/ROYhW8QA5G

— *Joshua R. Norman (@J_No24) March 13, 2019

Winner: the goddang Browns

Here are the Cliffs Notes for Cleveland’s offseason so far:

traded for Olivier Vernon

signed Sheldon Richardson

signed Kareem Hunt, which in a vacuum is a good, soulless move they absolutely did not need to make.

traded for Odell Beckham Jr.

Sure, Jabrill Peppers might turn into something special and losing a first-round pick hurts, but the Browns are cashing in their assets for veteran contributors and now, on paper, look like a real threat to win the AFC North. Mayfield is surrounded by weapons. The pass rush is going to be powerful inside and out. Every other team in the division is having issues:

The New AFC North@Browns - Added Odell Beckham, Olivier Vernon, Kareem Hunt & Sheldon Richardson@Ravens - Lost C.J. Mosley, Za’Darius Smith, John Brown, Terrell Suggs & Eric Weddle@Steelers - Lost Antonio Brown & Le’Veon Bell@Bengals - Re-signed Bobby Hart & C.J Uzomah

— NFL Research (@NFLResearch) March 13, 2019

Ever since the beer fridges unlocked in Cleveland last fall, it’s better getting better and better to be a Browns fan.

Loser: Breshad Perriman

Breshad Perriman verbally agreed to a one-year, $4 million deal with the Browns on Tuesday before the Beckham trade broke. That didn’t last long:

After trade for Odell Beckham Jr., Browns’ GM John Dorsey and agent Drew Rosenhaus mutually agreed to not to follow through on verbal agreement with WR Breshad Perriman, per @mortreport and me. Perriman now will sign a one-year, $4 million deal with Tampa Bay, per source.

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) March 13, 2019

Beckham’s presence blocked Perriman’s potential ascension to a starting role — though he only started two of his 10 games with the club. Rather than take on a supporting role, the fifth-year pro — who has career totals of 59 catches on 126 targets for 916 yards — will try to fulfill his potential with the Bucs.

He’ll get the chance to fill DeSean Jackson’s vacated role in Tampa, but will that really be better than seeing absolutely zero double teams as the Browns’ third wideout option behind Landry and Beckham? Perriman could have shined in limited snaps and put together the kind of season that makes Washington throw a four-year, $40 million contract his way. Instead he’ll take his chances with Jameis Winston.

Winner: Jay Glazer

A month ago, The Athletic’s Glazer made a self-described “bold prediction” when he told his readers that he thought Beckham would be traded this offseason. Then everyone lost their damn minds so much that Glazer tweeted this poetically profane message to his, as Shakespeare would scribe, haterz:

For all you fucksticks who spewed shit at me, my kid, my mom, my mom’s kid, my kid’s mom, my head size, body size, intelligence, my mom’s intelligence all because I made a prediction about your team today save your ridiculous fuckin insults for shit that matters in life.

— Jay Glazer (@JayGlazer) February 14, 2019

Who’s laughing now, fucksticks?

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recentnews18-blog · 6 years

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New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/we-love-how-stupid-the-venom-movie-is/

We Love How Stupid The Venom Movie Is

Three decades ago Marvel Comics debuted one of its most popular anti-heroes, Spider-Man arch-enemy Venom. Now Eddie Brock and his slavering black and white symbiote pal have gotten a solo, Spider-Man free shot at the big screen. Did that turn out to be as bad an idea as it sounds? Chris Person, Ethan Gach and I discuss.

Chris Person: Yes, but also no.

Ethan Gach: Precisely.

Chris: I don’t know about you, but I had a real good time with that not-so-good movie. It knew exactly what it was.

Fahey: I came out of the theater thinking the exact same thing: what a great bad movie.

Chris: It feels exactly what a Venom movie should be: dumb, confusing, extremely juvenile. It feels like a movie dropped out of the 90s, back before we started acting like superhero movies should be competent or adult. A friend said “that movie wields its dumbness like a weapon.”

Fahey: Oh god, that’s beautiful.

Ethan: If ever there was a movie that earned its absurd Tom Hardy voice.

Fahey: For one thing, we’ve finally found the perfect person to cast against Tom Hardy, and that’s Tom Hardy doing a funny voice. Tom Hardy Talks To Himself For Two Hours would be a great movie.

Chris: I assumed it was a different guy, they did a lot of good stuff with the Venom voice in post-production.

Ethan: Oh wow, same. I’ve never heard a voice that altered be that funny before. Venom had some of the funniest lines by far, just in timing and inflection alone.

Fahey: Oh, Hardy went all out on that voice. His influences, from a Screen Rant interview: “ Redman, Busta Rhymes, and James Brown as ingredients and then I played with it to create the fusion of sort of what you hear, which sounds nothing like that, but initially was like vibe or heartbeat that I wanted to bring to it.”

Chris: OK now I just want a Busta Rhymes Venom movie.

Fahey: You can really hear it when Venom calls Brock “Pussy.”

Chris: They really got the most out of that PG-13.

Ethan: Action-wise, I found most of it underwhelming, but the smoke-filled fight against the SWAT team toward the end actually worked surprisingly well.

Chris: It felt like they didn’t know how well this movie was going to do and were kind of conservative with it?

Fahey: They used a trick to pull off the PG-13. They made the first half hour, 45 minutes super boring so the film ratings board folks fell asleep.

Ethan: And yet it never seemed to waste time. In the very beginning I thought it would do the long drawn out thing of “oh, this weird goo, is it evil?” but then it immediately leaves Jameson’s body and begins messing shit up.

Fahey: RIP JJ Jameson’s son.

Chris: I have seen some debate as to how long that movie was.

Ethan: it definitely did not feel like the billed run time.

Chris: It felt like an hour and a half tops. Also, I should say for clarity that while I respect Tom Hardy committing 100% to a tacky movie, his performance almost exists in its own space. I’ve described it as Bobcat Goldthwait if he never did the high registers or Charlie from It’s Always Sunny if he somehow had an MSNBC gig.

Fahey: Yeah, it’s a weird time dilation sort of thing. I recall feeling the opening drag, but once Brock and Venom got together it was so much stupid fun it just flew by.

Ethan: I first got excited for this movie w hen I watched the original trailer that everyone thought was terrible. It reminded me of 2004’s Punisher. While it doesn’t have nearly the arc or deep bench of characters that movie had, it just felt so damn refreshing to see a comic book movie where it doesn’t seem like the writers, directors, or studio have a to-do list of boxes they need to check.

Fahey: Is that Dolph Lundgren or Thomas Jane?

Ethan: Jane.

Fahey: Ah yes, where instead of killing his wife and kids the mob killed everyone he ever loved, all at once. Good stuff.

Ethan: Also, what timing on the UN’s global warming report. I was perfectly primed to accept Venom’s core premise and not really get caught up in the nonsense particulars.

Chris: We should probably speak to the plot. Here’s what you gotta know: Not Elon Musk gets some symbiotes and Eddie Brock tries to stop him after getting Venom’d. And Riz Ahmed does a good job with some very bad dialogue.

Fahey: Wow, you remembered an actor other than Tom Hardy and Dawson’s ex (Michelle Williams)!

Chris: Jenny Slate is in there too, weirdly!

Fahey: It’s hard to be a scenery-chewing villain no one cares about. And yes, Jenny from Parks and Rec, doing not a single funny thing.

Ethan: I also really appreciated Mr. Robot’s Ron Cephas Jones doing the bit role of Brock’s Network boss. And the inconspicuous white dude from Veep who is very good at doing that one thing.

Fahey: You guys have IMDB open now.

Ethan: It was also neat to see a movie shot in San Francisco, rather than shot in front of a blue screen and made to look like New York. I almost turned on a Full House rerun afterwards

Fahey: Though main filming was in Atlanta and NYC, painted to look like San Francisco.

Chris: Georgia: we will literally never tax a film crew ever.

Fahey: Have a peach sticker.

Ethan: Mike, is this the Venom you wanted? I never knew the character beyond the Fox Spider-Man cartoon.

Fahey: Man, it’s tough to say, as the Venom I wanted was generally defined by Spider-Man. There are shades of the Venom: Lethal Protector comic series in here — that’s the one where Venom moves from NYC to San Francisco and becomes an anti-hero — which I dig. My favorite Venom so far has been from the Venom: Space Knight series, in which the Flash Thompson version of the character comes into his own.

Venom: Space Knight

Fahey: I can’t help but feel Eddie Brock’s journey was seriously cut short here. That said, I still had a hell of a time.

Chris: I had a blast. The dialogue is very Good-Bad in a lot of ways, and there’s one line from Michelle Williams near the end that had me and the person I saw it with dying. The parts that suck are fun, and the parts that are fun are solidly slapstick. But I probably won’t see it again unless I’m on a plane.

Fahey: I will purchase it on 4K Blu-Ray if it comes with a director’s commentary. If I ever find myself in a hospital for four months again, forced to flip through basic cable channels, I’d stop and watch.

Ethan: The beginning montage of Brock’s Vice News-like reporting killed me, as did Brock later saying something to the effect of “Oh no my legs!” after wiping out on a motorcycle during a chase scene. This is definitely the type of movie I will try to convince everyone I see to watch so I can watch them watch it and then probably be very disappointed when they don’t laugh as hard as me.

Fahey: I will never eat tater tots again.

Chris: Same, but with uncooked lobsters.

No lobsters were harmed during the uploading of this photo.

Fahey: Or Woody Harrelson in a red fright wig.

Ethan: I would gladly watch a sequel that was just Hardy and Harrelson sitting in adjoining cells doing Waiting for Godot: Symbiote Edition.

Fahey: We can only hope.

Ethan: Can I just say the ugly, grimey yellow tile in Brock’s apartment made me really happy? It felt like one of those small details that only exist, like Harrelson’s ridiculously red wig, to remind you this is all coming out of a comic book, and which end up being a lot more effective for me than, say, an epic $50 million CGI battle in the third act. Probably just out of nostalgia for the movies that were forced to do that back when computers were made out of wood.

Chris: I only have one thing to say: “Hey……I’m sorry about Venom.”

Fahey: It’s not your fault, man. It’s not your fault.

Source: https://kotaku.com/we-love-how-stupid-the-venom-movie-is-1829632685

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char27martin · 7 years

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Much Ad’oh About Nothing

Few television series have mined our cultural zeitgeist as thoroughly as “The Simpsons.” Throughout 28 seasons, the yellow-hued citizens of Springfield have held a fun house mirror up to almost every aspect of popular culture—with a special fondness for literature.

Since the show’s debut in December 1989, a veritable “who’s who” of literary greats have voiced animated versions of themselves, including Stephen King, Amy Tan, Tom Wolfe, Michael Chabon, Jonathan Franzen, Tom Clancy, Alan Moore, Harlan Ellison and the reclusive Thomas Pynchon.

The show has also taken humorous pokes at magazines (a grocery store rack features such periodicals as Sponge and Vacuum, Bear Baiter Magazine and Danger Liker), bookstores (Books! Books! And Additional Books! sells the works of James Michener for $1.99 a pound), and the publishing industry (Homer puts together a crew that includes Neil Gaiman to create the next big book series for teens, only to be cheated by an unscrupulous publisher).

The show first demonstrated its respect for the written word in the Season 1 episode “The Telltale Head,” a parody of Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Tell-Tale Heart.” Season 2 saw the first Treehouse of Horror episode, which included a recitation of Poe’s “The Raven,” starring Homer as the poem’s troubled narrator and Bart as its titular antagonist. A Season 6 installment parodied the Ray Bradbury short story “A Sound of Thunder,” with a malfunctioning toaster sending Homer back to the age of the dinosaurs. Almost every season has had some sort of literary reference, and often many.

None of this is by chance, observes executive producer/showrunner Al Jean, who has been with the show on and off since the start. An alum of The Harvard Lampoon and National Lampoon magazine, Jean notes that most of the show’s writers were voracious readers in their youth and don’t hesitate to bring their love of literature to work at “The Simpsons.” Many of Jean’s colleagues, in fact, have gone on to find publishing success outside of the show. John Swartzwelder, who wrote many popular episodes, such as “Homer The Great,” has published more than 10 novels, and writer Mike Reiss has penned several children’s books as well as other works.

SPECIAL GUESTS

Fans at heart, the writers on “The Simpsons” are always excited to have a notable author as a special guest. “The most prominent example would be Thomas Pynchon, who has appeared on the show twice,” Jean says. “It was no mean feat to have gotten him, and I actually got to meet him. He was a wonderful guy, and couldn’t have been nicer.” Pynchon agreed to appear (wearing a bag over his head to hide his identity, as shown on the opposite page) because he and his son were big fans, Jean notes.

One of Jean’s personal favorite guests was comic book legend Stan Lee, who regaled the writing staff with stories of his career over lunch. “Growing up in a little suburb outside Detroit, never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever be having lunch with Stan Lee,” Jean laughs. “Never did I think I would meet Thomas Pynchon. I’m still pinching myself.”

Crafting a show in which guest voices are so important can be tricky. It’s not unusual for certain episodes to be written with specific authors in mind, while others are a little more open. “What we’ll often do is try for somebody specific and then we’ll have others that we can put in should we get turned down,” Jean explains. “Also, [‘Simpsons’ creator] Matt Groening was in the Rock Bottom Remainders, so he is friends with writers like Stephen King and Amy Tan, which probably helped to get them to do the show.”

A good example of the show’s unique writing process is the Season 18 episode “Moe’N’a Lisa,” which finds newly published poet Moe Szyslak and muse Lisa Simpson attending the fictional Wordloaf Conference in Vermont. According to Jean, that episode was written specifically with Tom Wolfe in mind as a central character, with additional parts filled by Gore Vidal, Jonathan Franzen and Michael Chabon.

Classics, of course, remain up for grabs next to the contemporaries. In a nod to F. Scott Fitzgerald, a one-hour episode that airs this January parodies the structure of The Great Gatsby.

A LITERARY LEGACY

Jean is unsure whether appearing on “The Simpsons” has ever helped to boost an author’s book sales, but the show’s cultural influence becomes evident when an author who has appeared passes away. “When George Plimpton died, in his obituaries the second credit listed usually was that he had been on ‘The Simpsons,’” Jean says. “Plimpton certainly had many claims to fame. We were one of them … but I would have put us further down the list.”

While “The Simpsons” has provided a lot of laughs for writers in the know, there are also some encouraging messages embedded for those new to the profession. “When I was in high school, I read every great book I could get my hands on,” he notes. “The show’s message would be to read everything you can. We try to put Easter eggs of knowledge about literature, math and science in the show all the time. It’s a key to anyone who wants to be a writer that that’s how we got here.”

Don Vaughan (donaldvaughan.com) is a freelance writer in Raleigh, N.C., and founder of Triangle Association of Freelancers.

The post Much Ad’oh About Nothing appeared first on WritersDigest.com.

from Writing Editor Blogs – WritersDigest.com http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/there-are-no-rules/much-adoh-nothing

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flauntpage · 7 years

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Your Tuesday Morning Roundup

This sets up well for a redemption tale. My money is on Matt Lauer or, sleeper, Tom Rinaldi as a special correspondent for 60 Minutes to land the redemption story.

Let’s hit it!

But first, a word from our sponsors:

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The roundup:

Tiger Woods was arrested for DUI. Here’s Jillian Mele talking about it:

Tiger Woods blames DUI arrest on prescription medication http://pic.twitter.com/mC73rBC49k

— FOX & friends (@foxandfriends) May 30, 2017

Mike Trout will undergo surgery on his strained left thumb and will miss 6-8 weeks. I can’t think of a better time for the Angels to trade him to the Phillies. Why wouldn’t they? He’s all washed up and his career is in jeopardy. Let us take on that burden.

In other future Phillie news:

Bryce Harper gets drilled in the hip, charges mound, throws helmet, then punches http://pic.twitter.com/NrPsL3P2Fa

— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) May 29, 2017

I can’t tell if people are ragging on Harper or genuinely respect his gumption. I, for one, love it. It seems like maybe he thought better of that helmet toss mid-throw, and you can’t knock a baseball player for not knowing how to fight. I’ll take this guy on my team any day. I’m convinced half the Phils would’ve just smiled and said to the pitcher, “Ah, you got me!”

Donald Trump’s communications director, Mike Dubke, is leaving the White House. It’s always a good sign when the person tasked with making you look good by conveying your message of peace and prosperity to the masses resigns after less than one trimester.

Ariana Grande sent out this Tweet at 2 p.m. on Friday expressing her condolences to her fans and announcing a benefit concert to be held in Manchester:

http://pic.twitter.com/c03xrX3iIv

— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) May 26, 2017

Allow me to be the cynical pragmatist here for just one second: Lost in the rightful mourning of the victims and outrage over terror is, for Ariana, the fact that her career will forever be linked to a terror attack through absolutely no fault of her own. Unlike The Eagles of Death Metal, who were performing during the attack at the Bataclan Theater in Paris, Ariana at least already has mainstream success and the mention of her name can elicit some response other than simply “yeah, the singer from the terrorist attack.” But, it’s good for no one’s career to be tied to something as heinous as what happened last week. So make no mistake, highly paid PR people are currently figuring out the best way for Ariana to thread the needle by giving the victims and their families the respect they deserve while also making sure her career is not defined by this. Which brings us back to this Tweet, which went out at precisely 2 p.m. on the Friday before a summer holiday weekend, the exact time publicists and image crafters put out news they don’t want getting too much attention. That feels like it was very intentional lest Ariana come to be defined by an event completely outside her control.

Nolan Carroll was also arrested for DUI.

Frank DeFord died. Naturally, Les Bowen used it as a chance to take a swipe at a new generation of sports writers:

Writers who never met Frank Deford are much in mourning; we also mourn a time when being able to write was crucial to being a sportswriter.

— Les Bowen (@LesBowen) May 30, 2017

This is maybe the single dumbest take I have ever seen:

That Strickland threw idiot pitch while wearing cap honoring those who fought for something real is sickening https://t.co/bK9JcNNGdE

— Bill Plaschke (@BillPlaschke) May 29, 2017

The Phanatic’s wedding appearances are so much better than Mr. Mets’.

Done:

FAKE TRADE –Philly gets 1 (Fultz) –Kings get 3 (Fox), 37, Boston's 2018 1st –Celts get: 5 (Isaac), 10 (?), Saric, LAL's 2018 1st

— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) May 29, 2017

Gonzo has gone full left coast:

The most competitive game of corn that ever was. http://pic.twitter.com/mDh4ZR4qTz

— Colleen Wolfe (@ColleenWolfeNFL) May 30, 2017

Sarah Baicker doing that content thing for the Devils:

I want the Devils to take Nolan Patrick. I’ll have some Nico.

I miss Lavs so much:

Lavy coming in hot with the f-bomb http://pic.twitter.com/OqrVzqWWdu

— Pete Blackburn (@PeteBlackburn) May 30, 2017

Here’s David Murphy on why the rebuild is taking so long:

Since 2012, the only Phillies draft picks to appear in the majors are Andrew Knapp and Aaron Nola. Besides Nola, only one other first-round pick has suited up for the Phillies in the majors since they drafted Cole Hamels in 2002. That was Joe Savery, the 2007 first-rounder who eventually pitched in 41 games in relief over 2011-13. Besides Nola, the only Phillies first-rounder who has had a modicum of major league success during that stretch is Travis d’Arnaud, who has yet to log 400 plate appearances in a season for the Mets.

Compare that to the Red Sox, who over the last three years have gotten 4,177 plate appearances and a .294/.352/.471 batting line out of Xander Bogaerts, Mookie Betts and Bradley, all three of whom joined the Red Sox system from 2009-11. Part of that was a scouting failure, which is why longtime Phillies scouting director Marti Wolever was shown the door in September 2014, but it was also attributable to a lack of macro-level planning with regard to amateur inventory levels.

He concludes that the Phillies need to restock their draft inventory. Fair. But I don’t think anyone, at least not recently, expected the Phillies to contend just yet. What we did expect, however, was some level of competitiveness from a team with the means to buy themselves into it. Unlike the NBA, you don’t need to bottom out in baseball to rebuild. Given the uncertainty with prospects, the eighth pick in the draft may very well not differ at all from the 22nd pick. Worse, promising young players like Maikel Franco, Odubel Herrera and Vince Velasquez have shown no improvement and have in some cases regressed. The pitching staff in general is embarrassing. And the catcher is so clueless that he has to wear a wristband to remind him of hitters’ tendencies:

The Phillies talked about using a wristband last year, but it took until this weekend’s series to implement it. But before Rupp wore it, the Phillies had to figure out what to put on it. They wanted to put enough information on the wristband to be helpful, but not cram too much information on it that it becomes impossible to use.

The wristband has hot and cold zones for hitters. It tells catchers how to pitch hitters with two strikes. It tells them a hitter’s swing percentage in certain situations.

It is color coded to make it easy to reference. Phillies manager Pete Mackanin said red means no and green means yes.

This goes back to Leslie Gudel writing about many catchers not calling games in college and lacking the ability to do so at the big league level.

Anyway, the ire right now isn’t for a lack of a division leader– it’s for a lack of any semblance of competitive baseball.

That said, this is a really dumb Odubel take:

Here’s Odubel Herrera’s contract that we referenced earlier. Might regret that one, time will tell. http://pic.twitter.com/3OrCHK40wO

— 975 Mornings (@975Mornings) May 30, 2017

That’s almost nothing for a 25-year-old with some upside. Never mind the club options after the contract gets pricey.

I had a South Philly Dog at the ballpark over the weekend and could not have been more disappointed in my favorite item. The rabe was bland, lacking garlic, and tasted like it had sat in a steaming tray since last Thursday:

Perhaps worse was the roll-to-dog ratio:

It’s really disappointing to see such a quality item not receive the care and attention it deserves.

Bill Simmons is moving The Ringer over to Vox Media (The Verge, SB Nation). They won’t own his site, but they’ll be his host and sell advertising on his behalf. Huh. Interesting model.

Subscribe to Crossing Broadcast to get a new show every Monday, Wednesday and Friday around 7:15 a.m.:

Your Tuesday Morning Roundup published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 7 years

Text

Your Tuesday Morning Roundup

This sets up well for a redemption tale. My money is on Matt Lauer or, sleeper, Tom Rinaldi as a special correspondent for 60 Minutes to land the redemption story.

Let’s hit it!

But first, a word from our sponsors:

Legal. Please welcome new sponsor Krasno, Krasno and Onwudinjo. When you need a workers’ compensation or social security attorney.

Process. You need this. Shop now.

Amazon. Shop Amazon and support your favorite website by clicking this link.

The roundup:

Tiger Woods was arrested for DUI. Here’s Jillian Mele talking about it:

Tiger Woods blames DUI arrest on prescription medication http://pic.twitter.com/mC73rBC49k

— FOX & friends (@foxandfriends) May 30, 2017

In other future Phillie news:

Bryce Harper gets drilled in the hip, charges mound, throws helmet, then punches http://pic.twitter.com/NrPsL3P2Fa

— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) May 29, 2017

Ariana Grande sent out this Tweet at 2 p.m. on Friday expressing her condolences to her fans and announcing a benefit concert to be held in Manchester:

http://pic.twitter.com/c03xrX3iIv

— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) May 26, 2017

Nolan Carroll was also arrested for DUI.

Frank DeFord died. Naturally, Les Bowen used it as a chance to take a swipe at a new generation of sports writers:

Writers who never met Frank Deford are much in mourning; we also mourn a time when being able to write was crucial to being a sportswriter.

— Les Bowen (@LesBowen) May 30, 2017

This is maybe the single dumbest take I have ever seen:

That Strickland threw idiot pitch while wearing cap honoring those who fought for something real is sickening https://t.co/bK9JcNNGdE

— Bill Plaschke (@BillPlaschke) May 29, 2017

The Phanatic’s wedding appearances are so much better than Mr. Mets’.

Done:

FAKE TRADE –Philly gets 1 (Fultz) –Kings get 3 (Fox), 37, Boston's 2018 1st –Celts get: 5 (Isaac), 10 (?), Saric, LAL's 2018 1st

— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) May 29, 2017

Gonzo has gone full left coast:

The most competitive game of corn that ever was. http://pic.twitter.com/mDh4ZR4qTz

— Colleen Wolfe (@ColleenWolfeNFL) May 30, 2017

Sarah Baicker doing that content thing for the Devils:

I want the Devils to take Nolan Patrick. I’ll have some Nico.

I miss Lavs so much:

Lavy coming in hot with the f-bomb http://pic.twitter.com/OqrVzqWWdu

— Pete Blackburn (@PeteBlackburn) May 30, 2017

Here’s David Murphy on why the rebuild is taking so long:

The wristband has hot and cold zones for hitters. It tells catchers how to pitch hitters with two strikes. It tells them a hitter’s swing percentage in certain situations.

It is color coded to make it easy to reference. Phillies manager Pete Mackanin said red means no and green means yes.

This goes back to Leslie Gudel writing about many catchers not calling games in college and lacking the ability to do so at the big league level.

Anyway, the ire right now isn’t for a lack of a division leader– it’s for a lack of any semblance of competitive baseball.

That said, this is a really dumb Odubel take:

Here’s Odubel Herrera’s contract that we referenced earlier. Might regret that one, time will tell. http://pic.twitter.com/3OrCHK40wO

— 975 Mornings (@975Mornings) May 30, 2017

That’s almost nothing for a 25-year-old with some upside. Never mind the club options after the contract gets pricey.

Perhaps worse was the roll-to-dog ratio:

It’s really disappointing to see such a quality item not receive the care and attention it deserves.

Bill Simmons is moving The Ringer over to Vox Media (The Verge, SB Nation). They won’t own his site, but they’ll be his host and sell advertising on his behalf. Huh. Interesting model.

Subscribe to Crossing Broadcast to get a new show every Monday, Wednesday and Friday around 7:15 a.m.:

Your Tuesday Morning Roundup published first on your-t1-blog-url

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junker-town · 6 years

Text

Top daily fantasy football plays for Week 11 of the NFL season

With Week 11 of the NFL season upon us, we take a look at some of the best values to be found on Draftkings and FanDuel, and some players worth fading.

SB Nation will be bringing you the top Daily Fantasy options each week through the regular season and into the playoffs. We have a small sample size of which offenses look good to target and others we should avoid until further notice. As for who should be in your lineups, here are the top value plays of the week, with an eye toward low ownership and high upside.

Quarterback

Tom Brady, New England Patriots vs. Oakland Raiders ($7,400 DK, $8,600 FD)

We don’t usually recommend the top-priced quarterback, as there are usually strong values on any given slate and there are players at other positions worth paying up for. But this week is a bit of an outlier, with the two consistently highest-priced players having already played, leaving a pricing structure where virtually any player can be fit comfortably into a lineup. And Brady may never get a better matchup, facing arguably the worst pass defense in the league at high altitude on a neutral field. Brady could have a game for the ages here, making his salary almost a bargain.

Alex Smith, Kansas City Chiefs at New York Giants ($6,700 DK, $7,900 FD)

Smith could be in for a depressed ownership level, given the dire wind forecast for Met Life Stadium on Sunday. But for all of Smith’s fantasy goodness this year, it’s not the function of long-range bombing. He will shovel pass and throw screens at find his all-world tight end, and he will run. And the Giants have long ceased trying to stop anyone, especially two weeks ago against Jared Goff.

Derek Carr, Raiders vs. Patriots ($6,400 DK, $8,000 FD)

If Brady can go nuts in Mexico City, so can Carr. The Patriots’ defense hasn’t stopped anybody good all season and Carr has all the weapons he needs to try and match Brady yard-for-yard in a game with a high shootout potential. A Pats-Raiders stack makes a lot of sense, and saving $1,000 with Carr allows for fitting in all the key receiving pieces.

Jay Cutler, Miami Dolphins vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers ($5,400 DK, $6,600 FD)

Cutler has actually been pretty good lately, with four straight multi-touchdown games. Both teams here are circling the drain, so the defensive intensity probably isn’t going to be there. The Bucs’ pass defense has been lousy all season, so if Cutler doesn’t beat himself with poor decisions, he should be able to keep his multi-touchdown streak alive.

Discount Darling: Blake Bortles, Jacksonville Jaguars at Cleveland Browns ($5,200 DK, $7,500 FD)

Leonard Fournette is either going to be out or limited. The Browns excel at stopping the run, but not much else. Last week, Bortles threw the ball a crazy 51 times. He probably won’t match that volume in the wind in Cleveland, but 40 attempts is well within reason. That should translate into a couple hundred yards and multiple scores.

Avoid: Matthew Stafford, Detroit Lions at Chicago Bears ($6,600 DK, $8,000 FD)

Stafford has been on fire lately, but the cold air in Chicago – not to mention a surprisingly strong Bears pass defense, should throw a chill into the Lions’ passing attack. With Smith just $100 more and Carr $200 less, this is a good week to take a pass.

Also consider: Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints; Kirk Cousins, Washington; Ryan Fitzpartick, Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Running back

Kareem Hunt, Kansas City Chiefs at New York Giants ($8,000 DK, $8,600 FD)

The Giants have pretty much closed up shop on the 2016 season, and that’s been particularly noticeable on defense, where the Rams and 49ers have shredded them the past two weeks. With the wind expected to be a factor, the Chiefs will certainly lean on the run, giving Hunt a terrific opportunity to re-discover his early-season form. If Carlos Hyde can run wild on the Giants, Hunt is a pretty solid bet, too.

LeSean McCoy, Buffalo Bills at Los Angeles Chargers ($7,800 DK, $8,000 FD)

Let the Nathan Peterman Era begin! There’s no way to know how the rookie is going to respond in his first career start, but one has to believe the Bills are going to lean even heavier on their bell-cow back to try to hide Peterman. McCoy’s volume is also enhanced by the injury to Mike Tolbert, who had been consistently getting a decent amount of carries all season. Those touches should go to Shady.

Chris Thompson, Washington at New Orleans ($5,400 DK, $6,800 FD)

With Rob Kelley out of the picture, and in a game where there’s going to be points scored, Thompson is in a terrific spot. Samaje Perine might be the early-down back to start the game, but it’s going to be Thompson’s pass-catching ability that’s going to be the primary weapon in Washington’s backfield. And if the Saints break out to an early lead, Thompson’s role in the passing game should only increase. He is a terrific value play on DraftKings’ full-point PPR slates.

Doug Martin, Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Miami Dolphins ($4,500 DK, $6,100 FD)

Martin isn’t lighting the world on fire, but given the matchup, this is a real mispricing by DraftKings. The Bucs are on record this week saying they intent to feed Martin more than any other time this season and the Dolphins are positively dreadful at stopping the run. Alex Collins, Marshawn Lynch and Jonathan Stewart all dominated games the past three weeks. Martin is a prime spot to 5X or even 6X his salary.

Discount Darling: Rex Burkhead, New England Patriots vs. Oakland Raiders ($3,600 DK, $5,700 FD)

Had Chris Hogan been ruled out before the pricing was released, Burkhead would probably be slotted in the 5K range. Instead, Hogan wasn’t declared out until late in the week, and that’s huge for Burkhead, who has seen his role in the passing game increase in Hogan’s absence. Burkhead is probably good for 8-10 carries and 5-6 targets against a poor Raiders pass defense. The only knock on Burkhead is an ownership level that might be the highest on the slate.

Avoid: Leonard Fournette, Jacksonville Jaguars at Cleveland Browns ($8,200 DK, $9,300 FD)

Fournette is questionable, but it seems like he’s headed for an inactive designation. If he plays on his sore ankle, he’s probably going to be limited, and the Browns are actually skilled at stopping the run. There’s just way too much uncertainty and downside to justify rostering him.

Also consider: Todd Gurley, Los Angeles Rams; Adrian Peterson, Arizona Cardinals; Orleans Darkwa, New York Giants

Wide receiver

Michael Thomas, New Orleans Saints vs. Washington ($7,400 DK, $8,600 FD)

The hope here is that less-savvy DFS players see that Thomas is facing Washington’s secondary and assume he will be covered all day by Josh Norman and stay away. In reality, Thomas will not be on Norman’s radar for most of the game, especially if Thomas runs routes out of the slot. It’s Ted Ginn that should draw most of Norman’s coverage. That means Thomas is set up for a big day at the Superdome in a potential shootout.

Tyreek Hill, Kansas City Chiefs at New York Giants ($7,100 DK, $7,600 FD)

Another player who might see a dip in ownership because of weather concerns, but we’ve seen Andy Reid scheme to get Hill the ball in ways that don’t require long passes. He takes handoffs and shovel passes and bubble screens. Reid is the master at using the bye to prepare a winning game plan, and Hill is as dynamic as any player in the game.

Jarvis Landry, Miami Dolphins vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers ($6,400 DK, $6,800 FD)

Landry has gotten at least 10 targets in all but two games this season and the Bucs have been near the bottom of the league in pass defense pretty much the entire year. The Buccaneers have allowed a slew of slot receivers to have big games this season and Landry has a touchdown in four of his past five games. He’s a great bet to pay off handsomely this week.

Jamison Crowder, Washington at Saints ($4,300 DK, $5,400 FD)

Considering that Crowder has 24 targets and 199 yards receiving over his past two games, it’s hard to believe that Crowder is priced so cheap. It is what it is, and this is a salary to take advantage of. With Jordan Reed ruled out, Crowder’s target share should stay sky-high.

Discount Darling: Bruce Ellington, Houston Texans vs. Arizona Cardinals ($3,000 DK, $4,600 FD)

With Will Fuller ruled out, Ellington will draw the start against the Cardinals and with Patrick Peterson shadowing DeAndre Hopkins, Ellington should easily surpass the eight targets he’s received in each of his past two games. This is the top salary-saving option on the entire slate.

Avoid: DeAndre Hopkins, Texans vs. Cardinals ($6,100 DK, $7,700 FD)

As we just mentioned, Hopkins is going to see Patrick Peterson all day, and the dramatic dip in salary reflects that reality, as well as the effect of the massive downgade at quarterback. It’s one thing to use minimum salary on a Texans receiver not facing a top corner. It’s another to pay twice that for a guy who might not get open – or the ball – the entire game.

Also consider: Brandin Cooks, New England Patriots; Amari Cooper, Oakland Raiders; Marquis Lee, Jacksonville Jaguars.

Tight end

Rob Gronkowski, New England Patriots vs. Oakland Raiders ($7,200 DK, $8,200 FD)

All things being equal, the best play on the entire slate is Travis Kelce at $7,300 against the dreadful and unmotivated Giants defense that has been destroyed by tight ends all year long. But when factoring in ownership levels, the play in tournaments is to pivot to the second-best tight end on the slate. With Chris Hogan out, Gronk should see his own fair share of looks, especially in the red zone. He will give Kelce a run for the money in DK points at half the ownership. And if the wind is really bad in Jersey and the Giants actually try, a Kelce fade could pay off huge.

Evan Engram, New York Giants vs. Kansas City Chiefs ($6,000 DK, $7,400 FD)

The super-pivot is dropping down to Engram, who is the No. 1 pass option. Sterling Shepard is also a strong play out of the slot, but Engram has higher touchdown upside, having scored in four games in a row. He should be just as busy as Kelce and Gronk at lower salary and ownership, making him a sharp play in tournaments.

Jared Cook, Raiders vs. Patriots ($4,800 DK, $5,600 FD)

Cook has topped 100 yards in receiving in two of his past three games and the Patriots are highly susceptible to the pass in the thin air of Mexico City. Cook’s price has come up some since his second big game in the past three, but he’s still pretty cheap for the volume he can expect to see in this one.

Vernon Davis, Washington at New Orleans Saints ($4,600 DK, $5,200 FD)

Jordan Reed keeps missing games and Davis keeps delivering solid performances. Davis has realty stepped up the past two weeks, garnering 20 targets and topping 70 yards in each game. If he can find the end zone in a shootout environment at the Superdome, he could be the surprise play at the position this week.

Discount Darling: C.J. Fiedorowicz, Houston Texans vs. Arizona Cardinals ($3,100 DK, $4,600 FD)

With Will Fuller out and DeAndre Hopkins on lockdown with Patrick Peterson, the passing yards have to go somewhere, and Fiedorowicz is a good bet to get some of that re-directed action.

Avoid: Hunter Henry, Los Angeles Chargers vs. Buffalo Bills ($3,500 DK, $5,200 FD)

Henry has four targets and three catches in the past two games combined. He’s had disappearing acts already this season, and against a decent defense against the position, it could continue another week.

Also consider: Travis Kelce, Kansas City Chiefs; Tyler Kroft, Cincinnati Bengals; Cameron Brate, Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Defense

Baltimore Ravens at Green Bay Packers ($3,400 DK, $4,700 FD)

Kansas City Chiefs at New York Giants ($3,300 DK, $5,100 FD)

Arizona Cardinals at Houston Texans ($3,200 DK, $4,600 FD)

Chicago Bears vs. Detroit Lions ($2,700 DK, $4,400 FD)

Discount Darling: Cleveland Browns vs. Jacksonville Jaguars ($2,300 DK, $4,000 FD)

Avoid: Houston Texans ($3,100 DK, $4,600 FD)

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