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blueaetherr · 1 year

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can you write something like this https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFDdKWHW/ with jude?

thank youu 💕

why wouldn't i?

pairing: jude bellingham x gn!reader [they/them]

warning(s): none

summary: the one where they pull the salt prank on jude

author's note: i would highly suggest watching the tik tok above, kinda(ish) gives context to the direction i took with this fic. enjoy, anon!

If there was one thing to learn about Jude, it was that he was kind, specifically a kind soul. He was careless yet careful and delicate. That, and everything else, was what many others loved about him; that was all that he was. On his good days, on his bad days, on those days where he wasn't provoked by any particular mood, he always came through to be kind—a gem—or simply, someone you wanted to be around if you weren't already.

It wasn't an aim, and it wasn't something that he tried to achieve or reach. That was just Jude, simply put; being kind—someone who would offer you a smile as he passed you, someone who would put others' needs before his own, someone whose hugs were calming and whole—was innate, uniquely something of Jude.

And this, by Jude, was projected to everyone around him. To his family, his friends, his partner, Y/N. From offering a hand when they reached the final step of the stairs to those compliments galore, and his ability to prioritise their peace of mind. His kindness, his pure heart, his personality, it could all stretch beyond wonders to reach Y/N.

But sometimes, or maybe more times than enough, did it go a bit too far or not far enough. For the soft soul he had, his kindness to his Y/N blinded him from potentially saying what needed to be said.

Y/N was setting up their phone when they heard the front door open. "Honey, I'm home!" Y/N laughed at the greeting, one that always remained sweet and adoring in their eyes. It also made them feel bad for the joke they were going to pull on Jude.

"I'm in here!" They called out, covering the spoon of salt with the pasta sauce.

Soon in came Jude, quickly coming by his partner's side and placing on kiss on the side of their head. Pulling away, he soon took notice of all the food in motion. "Oh my, God. You're making my favourite?" His face was beaming beyond one's usual timid happiness. He loved their cooking. It wasn't anything too simple or grand yet in his eyes, everything they made was some culinary excellence, tasting homemade. He couldn't deny any of their meals if he tried. And even if the meals were all too simple, he would remain believing that they were all too amazing.

"Thought you'd like some after training." Y/N shrugged with a small tug on their lips. Appearing somewhat nonchalant was the aim.

"You're amazing for this," he kissed their cheek once and then again, the second one lingering for a moment or two. "Thank you, love."

"It's just a little something. Speaking of," they mentioned as Jude wandered away to get a drink. Motioning to the pasta, they asked, "can you try this for me? I don't know if I put enough salt in it."

He nodded after closing the fridge and taking a drink of water. "Yeah, sure." Jude was always one to volunteer to do taste tests for Y/N before the meal was ready, wanting to make sure everything was all good for everyone else to eat.

"A'ight but careful," they warned as they held out the spoon with the pasta sauce on it. "It might be a bit hot." Chuckling softly as Jude blow on the spoon, they fed him the sauce.

Taking in a small breath, ready to sigh in relief and pure satisfaction, Jude's face quickly contorted. Initially, his facial expression expressed happiness that was wide and modest. But after the sauce rested in his mouth for far longer than it needed to, his face slowly deteriorated as it dropped a bit. He covered his mouth with his fist as he cleared his throat, patting his chest. And yet on his face still remained a smile, one that appeared to be struggling and hurting. But a smile nonetheless; that was his intent anyways.

"So what do you think? Too little, too much?" Besides his facial expressions, they already knew that he wasn't feeling the food, not one bit. There was no oh that's really, really good! What did you put in it this time? There was also no I think I need to try it again just to make sure. His face remained so discombobulated and stressed that they had to contain themself from ruining the fun they were having.

Despite clearly not liking the sauce, despite the awful aftertaste left in his mouth, with his smile—gorgeous and kindly divine—he nodded and spoke, quicker than intended, "Yeah, yeah. It's all good."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, totally. Why wouldn't I?" Jude nodded, and this time with more conviction. If he was able to convince his partner to settle with his opinion, maybe he could then believe his own words. "It's great, like, really good. I mean—" He took another long sip of water; the aftertaste was far too strong and awful. "—maybe I would put a bit less salt in it. But other than that," he shrugged as his smile returned to his features. That struggle and hurt from before had faded for the most part. "it was great, loved it, really."

"And you're sure about that?"

Jude noticed a smirk slowly settling across their lips, making his smile falter a bit. "Of course! Why wouldn't I—" His mouth fell open when he noticed the phone hidden by the knife rack. "No way! Why though?" He complained as he playfully shoved his partner who was in a small fit of laughter. The fact that he soon noticed the salt on the kitchen island behind them also didn't sit well with him, like he allowed himself to get played.

"It's just a bit of fun!" Calming down, sometime later or sooner, Y/N exhaled deeply as they got out their final laughs. "Why did you lie about that?"

"I feel like I have no room to judge your cooking skills with the ones I have," Jude admitted. He didn't cook or bake for them on the regular like Y/N did for him. If it wasn't them cooking or baking in the house, it was his mom, or their mom, or their sisters—honestly, anyone but him, even takeout beat him to it. It wasn't that he didn't try or that he was incapable in the kitchen. It was just for the best if he wasn't the one cooking. If there were other options than Jude then it would be for the better for everyone.

"Still though," they sighed, nudging him, "One day, which I hope never comes, I could accidentally do something wrong and you might just accept it."

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled, causing Y/N to laugh and Jude soon followed suit. And that was his denial voicing itself. They were right, and their friends were right; Jude was far too kind to criticise Y/N in any way, so much that he would accept their harmless mistakes without complaint. He wandered around the kitchen, aimlessly, "So if it actually doesn't taste like that, you think I could," shyly, Jude pointed to the pasta casserole, "you know?"

They couldn't help but roll their eyes, letting out a scoff. The appetite was still there and probably would remain for time to come. "Sure, why not?"

Offering him a small spoon of pasta sauce, making sure that it wasn't too hot, Y/N fed him the food. And there it all was, so clear and outstanding. His face grew with stunning delight, his eyes grew large with satisfaction as he dropped his head back, humming low. And there it was, that darling, darling smile of his, all at the cause of a sauce that Jude, personally, believed was cooked to perfection.

"You think I could try more of that?"

"Get changed, then we'll talk."

part 2

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maochira · 11 months

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Blue Lock Boarding School AU [Part 1]

Synopsis: Because your father is the principal of a soccer boarding school, you have no other choice than to attend it. Despite that, you're not part of any of the school's soccer teams, which makes your schoolmates wonder why you're even there.

Characters in this part: Isagi, Kaiser, Ness (he doesn't say anything, tho)

Me? Another writing series? Yes. This idea has been sitting in my head for a while and thanks to @youngstrawberry69 I'm finally writing this!!

Tags: gn!reader, reader is Ego's kid (+Ego is older than in canon so him having a teenager kid make sense), Kaiser is an ass (everybody act surprised)

You never really got a chance to decide if you wanted to attend Blue Lock or not. Well, it's not like you ever had any other school in mind anyways. At least that's something you didn't have to worry about. Being the principal's kid comes with its advantages anyways. But also disadvantages.

Everyone knows you're the principal's child. You'd expect that to make them interested in becoming friends with you, but it's the opposite. For some reason, the other students are either intimidated by you or they have an irrational disliking to you. Even now, after weeks, you've never been approached by anyone. And the few times you did try to talk to other students, the conversations were either incredibly awkward or you were straight up ignored.

You simply gave up on trying to find friends at Blue Lock. Everyone is focused on their own ego anyways, so you decided you should as well. You got used to it quickly to some extend, but the feeling of loneliness remains in you.

In the recent days you've noticed a particular student has been eyeing you more and more often. Yoichi Isagi. But because you're aware of the way everyone at this school views you, you don't think much of it. It's not like he'd ever approach you to talk, right? No one ever does.

While you're walking through the hallway, lost in your thoughts, you suddenly hear footsteps getting closer and closer to you. Not the type of footsteps that sound like someone wants to walk past you, these are the type of footsteps when someone is approaching you.

For some reason, you thought it would be Isagi. Maybe you even hoped it would be him. But no, it's Michael Kaiser. Someone you've heard a lot of not so good things about. And of course, he's accompanied by Alexis Ness.

"Look who we've got here. All alone as always." Kaiser says in a condescending tone before he lets out a short chuckle. He opens his mouth to continue talking, but you've decided to ignore him and speed up your steps to escape his presence.

But Kaiser isn't having any of that. "Where do you think you're going?" He grans your wrist to prevent you from walking away.

"What do you want?" The annoyance in your voice is obvious, but Kaiser ignores it.

"Oh, I just wanted to talk to you." He pulls his hand away form your wrist and gets a step closer. "You know, there's a question I've always wanted to ask you."

"What do you want to know? Just get over with it." Even though Kaiser does intimidate you a fair bit, you try not to show it. You don't want him to feel as if he has any power over you.

"Well, I've just been wondering, why aren't you in any of the school's soccer teams? Aren't you the principal's kid? Shouldn't that make you a prodigy? But you're out here with no talent at all."

It's really hard ot not get provoked by Kaiser's words and the stupid smirk on his face. "This is none of your business." You get ready to walk away once again, but quickly notice Ness is standing in your way to prevent you from leaving.

"So you admit you have no talent?" Kaiser laughs mockingly. "Just leave this school already. Why are you here if you suck at soccer?"

"Leave (Y/N) alone!" A somewhat familar voice yells from the other side of the hallway. Familar enough to recognize you've heard him before, but not enough to know who it is. But apparently, he knows who you are. Well, almost everyone in this school does.

Kaiser's tone and expression quickly change to annoyance. "What do you want now?"

By now, the voice has turned out to belong to Isagi. He ran over to you and looks as if he's ready to fight Kaiser. "Leave them alone." He repeats while trying to push Kaiser away.

"Ugh." Kaiser rolls his eyes and takes a step back. "Come on Ness, we're leaving. My next class is about to start anyways." Ness quickly walks over to Kaiser and both of them are about to leave, but not before Kaiser turns around to face you and Isagi one last time. Although, he doesn't say anything. He just looks at you with the most condescening gaze he can do before he walks off.

"Are you alright?" Isagi wants to know as soon as the other two are gone. "Did he hurt you or anything?" The concern in his voice is genuinely surprising to you.

"No no, I'm alright. He just tried to talk me down." You let out a nervous laugh. "Thank you for your help, though."

A soft smile appears on Isagi's face before he continues talking. "No need to thank me, (Y/N). It's not like I could have left you with Kaiser like that."

You nod in response, but now you're about to get to the part of the conversation where everything gets awkward. There's nothing you have to say anymore and it'd be too weird to just walk away like that. But luckily, Isagi continues.

"Is it okay if I call you by your first name? Or would you rather be addressed with your last name?" It's clear that he feels a little bad for not asking about that earlier.

"(Y/N) is fine. Honestly it'd feel weird if you addressed me with my last name. You know, because of my dad ." You let out a short giggle, suddenly feeling more comfortable because of the care Isagi shows towards you.

"I already thought it would be like that, just wanted to make sure." Isagi stops talking for a moment, but you don't respond yet because he looks like he's trying to find the right words to continue.

"I always see you on your own. Do you not have any friends here?" He asks after a few moments.

You shake your head while another nervous laugh escapes you. "To be honest, no."

"Well, you look like you could need one." Isagi places his hand on your shoulder and looks right into your eyes. "How about I'll be your friend?"

In a matter of seconds, there's a bright smile on your face. "I'd love that."

Tagslist: @luvistarzx, @kaineedstherapy12, @zyuuuu, @youngstrawberry69, @yerinsshi - sign up for my taglist here!

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britneyshakespeare · 6 months

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So yesterday I read "Slimed with Gravy, Ringed by Drink" by Camille Ralphs, an article from the Poetry Foundation on the publication of the First Folio in 1623, a major work without which most of Shakespeare's plays might very well have been lost today, possibly the most influential secular work of literature in the world, you know.

It's a good article overall on the history and mysteries of the Folio. Lots of interesting stuff in there including how Shakespeare has been adapted, the state of many surviving Folios, theories of its accuracy to the text, a really interesting identification of John Milton's own copy currently in the Free Library of Philadelphia, and the fascinating annotations that may have influenced Milton's own poetry!!! Do read it. It's not an atrociously long article but there's a lot of thought-provoking information in there.

There's one paragraph in particular I keep coming back to though, so I'm just gonna quote it down here:

...[T]he Play on Shakespeare series, published by ACMRS Press, the publications division of the Arizona Center for Medieval and Renaissance Studies at Arizona State University... grew out of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival’s plan to “translate” Shakespeare for the current century, bills itself “a new First Folio for a new era.” The 39 newly-commissioned versions of Shakespeare’s plays were written primarily by contemporary dramatists, who were asked to follow the reasonable principle laid out by series editor Lue Douthit: tamper in the name of clarification but submit to “do no harm.” The project was inspired by something the linguist John McWhorter wrote in 1998: “[the] irony today is that the Russians, the French, and other people in foreign countries possess Shakespeare to a much greater extent than we do … [because] they get to enjoy Shakespeare in the language they speak.”

Mainly it's the John McWhorter thing I keep coming back to. Side note: any of my non-native-English-speaking mutuals who have read Shakespeare, I would love to know your experiences. If you have read him in translation, or in the original English, or a mix of both. It's something I do wonder about! Even as an Anglophone reader, I find my experience varies so much just based on which edition of the text I'm reading and how it's presented. There's just so much variety in how to read literature and I would love to know what forces have shaped your own relationships to the stories. But anyway...

The article then goes on to talk about how the anachronistic language in Shakespeare will only fall more and more out of intelligibility for everyone because of how language evolves and yadda yadda yadda. I'm not going to say that that's wrong but I think it massively overlooks the history of the English language and how modern standard English became modern standard English.

First of all, is Shakespeare's language completely unintelligible to native English speakers today? No. Certain words and grammatical tenses have fallen out of use. Many words have shifted in meaning. But with context aiding a contemporary reader, there are very few lines in Shakespeare where the meaning can be said to be "unknown," and abundant lines that are perfectly comprehensible today. On the other hand, it's worth mentioning how many double entendres are well preserved in modern understanding. And additionally, things like archaic grammar and vocabulary are simply hurdles to get over. Once you get familiarized with your thees and thous, they're no longer likely to trip you up so much.

But it's also doubtful that 400 years from now, as the article suggests, our everyday language will be as hard to understand for twenty-fifth century English speakers to comprehend. The English language has significantly stabilized due to colonialism and the international adoption of English as a lingua franca. There are countless dialects within English, but what we consider to be standard international "correct" English will probably not change so radically, since it is so well and far established. The development and proliferation of modern English took a lot of blood and money from the rest of the world, the legacy of which can never be fully restored.

And this was just barely in sight by the time that Shakespeare died. This is why the language of the Elizabethans and Jacobeans is early-modern English. It forms the foundations of modern English, hence why it's mostly intelligible to speakers today, but there are still many antiquated figures within it. Early-modern English was more fluid and liberal. Spelling had not been standardized. Many regions of England still had slight variations in preferences for things like pronouns and verb conjugation. We see this even in works Shakespeare cowrote with the likes of Fletcher and Middleton, as the article points out. Shakespeare's vocabulary may not just reflect style and sentiment, but his Stratford background. His preferences could be deemed more "rustic" than many of his peers reared in London.

Features that make English more consistent now were not formalized yet. That's why Shakespeare sounds so "old." It's not just him being fancy. And there's also the fact that blank verse plays are an entirely neglected art nowadays. Regardless of the comprehensibility of the English, it's still strange for modern audiences uninitiated to Elizabethan literature to sit there and watch a King drop mad poetry about his feelings on stage by himself. The form and style of the entire genre is off.

But that, to me, is why we should read Shakespeare. We SHOULD be challenged. It very much IS within the grasp of a literate adult fluent in English to read one of his plays, in a modern edition with proper assistance and context. It is GOOD to be acquainted with something unfamiliar to us, but within our reach. I'm serious. I do not think I'm so much smarter than everyone else because I read Shakespeare. I don't just read the plain text as it was printed in the First Folio! The scholarship exists which has made Shakespeare accessible to me, and I take advantage of that access for my own pleasure.

This is to say that I disagree with the notion that Shakespeare is better suited to be enjoyed in foreign tongues. I think that's quite a complacent, modern American take. Not to say that the sentiment of McWhorter is wrong; I get what he's saying. And it's quite a beautiful thing that Shakespeare's plays are still so commonly staged, although arguably that comes from a false notion in our culture that Shakespeare is high literature worth preserving, at the expense of the rest of time and history. It is true that his body of work has such a high level of privilege in the so-called Western literary canon that either numerous other writers equally deserve, or no writer ever could possibly deserve.

The effort that goes into making Shakespeare's twenty-first century legacy, though, is a half-assed one. So much illustrious praise and deification of the individual and his works, and yet not as much to understanding the context of his time and place, of his influences, forms, and impacts on the eras which proceeded him. Shakespeare seems to exist in a vacuum with his archaic language, and we read it once or twice in high school when we're forced to, with prosaic translations on the adjoining page. This does not inspire a true appreciation in a culture for Shakespeare but it does reinforce a stereotype that he must be somehow important. It's this shallow stereotype that makes it seem in many minds today that it would be worth it to rip the precise language out of the text of a poet, and spit back out an equivalent "modern translation."

#this is just a stream-of-consciousness rambling. ignore me if im not making sense which im probably not #long post #text post #rant #shakespeare #also to clarify on that last point i am not shitting on the art of translation. AT all.#into other languages that is. nor am i knocking all modern adaptations of shakespeare's works #made with good intent. and also if you enjoy modern translated english shakespeare a la no fear shakespeare #genuinely good for you! that series has helped a lot of people and im glad for them to have that resource #HOWEVER. i WOULD like to challenge the idea that that is the best way to READ shakespeare #i think it's simply a shortcut.#and by all means take a shortcut if what you're reading shakespeare for is the plot. especially if youre new to him!#i DO on the other hand think it is entirely possible for any general reader to eventually be able to read shakespeare #in other types of editions. with the plain text and academic footnotes or annotations.#i do think enjoying the poetry of the works is as enriching as the characters or plot #in fact in the case of characters. the intricacies of the poetry of course enhance them!#you know. like i think the challenge is more doable than we ever really talk about in the mainstream #when you read him in high school you most likely had your english teacher holding your hand through every line #that's basically what the literal prose translations do too. in my opinion.#at least a la no fear shakespeare because those aren't meant to be performed like an equivalent art.#the translations are clarification.#again i think it's entirely possible to adapt the language of shakespeare and even a worthwhile project #but that's not. you know. the thing on the shelves to be read.#we can all still read shakespeare and we are all smart enough to do so.#if we think of early-modern english as another dialect rather than a whole different language #and there are so many mutually intelligible yet very distinct dialects of english around the world today #(the literature of which is also well worth reading) and if one seems approachable. well they all can be.

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lovelyfanatical · 11 months

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I Get a Sugar Rush Whenever I'm With You - Chapter 6.2

Happy Friday fellow Drukkari stans, or whatever day it is for you! I come bearing the next mini-chapter! If you missed any prior installments, you can find all of them on my new table of contents here. Previously, Druig and Makkari got to have an extra fluffy baking session, but can the sweetness last? Find out now in the next installment of Drukkari in the Great British Bake Off!

Druig was riding high into the weekend, even if he’d been dreading this particular week since he’d found out what it was. He’d never been much for dieting, as he didn’t see the point of limiting what he ate if he didn’t have to, so an entire week based around cutting out certain ingredients seemed rather daunting. Nevertheless, he’d been in a noticeably better mood ever since his afternoon with Makkari. She hadn’t stayed too long after they finished baking (and eating half the éclairs they’d just made). She’d helped him clean up a bit, packed up the rest of the éclairs, and given him a hug goodbye. He wouldn’t quite call it a date. They were just two friends baking and hanging out. In secret. Even so, he’d enjoyed it immensely, and it seemed like Makkari had as well.

They greeted each other as usual outside the hotel, and Druig couldn’t say for sure, but it felt like something in the air had changed between them. Standing with their friends, it felt like Makkari stayed closer to him than usual. That said, she always stood close enough to bump shoulders with him or reach over and punch his arm if he provoked such a response. Today, however, Makkari didn’t do either of those things. She just stood by him, occasionally chiming into the conversation, and while she didn’t turn her head, Druig thought he’d seen her glancing at him from the corner of her eye, a smile playing at her lips. It was a wonder she could keep up with the conversation at all, as he’d stopped listening almost as soon as he noticed her looking. When he finally tuned back into the group, he saw Ajak eyeing them, one eyebrow beginning to rise. Druig looked away as calmly and casually as he could.

Like he had during weeks prior, Druig held onto that happy feeling as the day progressed. The first challenge wasn’t too bad, but it definitely could’ve gone better. Now that he’d made ice cream during a technical, making it during a signature didn’t seem quite as stressful, even if it was dairy-free. That said, he’d also chosen a more basic flavor profile, making things slightly easier for himself. He’d gone with almond milk vanilla ice cream, dipped in chocolate with a hint of chili. The judges found it simple but effective, though Arishem had also added that he found it a bit underwhelming after last week’s performance. It certainly wasn’t his most glowing review, but Druig found that his wasn’t the opinion he most cared about.

The good thing about the chocolate dip was that he’d been able to save one for Makkari, much to her delight. She happily ate it, remarking, Sorry, I wish I could’ve save one of mine for you.

While Druig was quite curious about hers (Makkari had made mango ice cream topped with chili powder), he’d only replied, Guess you’ll just have to make it again for me sometime.

She gave him an amused look, but before she could respond, Kingo came trotting over, Phastos trudging along behind him.

“It’s days like this that I’m glad I don’t have to do the baking anymore,” Kingo said.

“Spoken like someone who doesn’t have a lactose intolerant child with a sweet tooth,” Phastos replied. Despite being a busy engineer, husband, and father, he’d picked up BSL quite quickly and had already started signing along where he could.

You really don’t miss competing? Makkari asked Kingo.

“I mean, I do. It was a really great experience, but sometimes, it really is more fun to just watch,” Kingo responded.

“No offense, Kingo, but the behind-the-scenes stuff seems to suit you better than being in front of the camera,” Druig added. Kingo’s mouth fell open at the remark.

“Was that an actual back-handed compliment?” he asked.

“You’re actually touched by that?” Phastos asked, visibly confused.

“I’m pretty sure that’s as close as Druig’s ever gotten to complimenting me, so I’ll take it,” Kingo explained matter-of-factly.

“Who’s handing out compliments?” Sersi called over as she and Ajak approached the table.

“Druig said I was doing a good job!” Kingo answered excitedly.

“I also said you weren’t good in front of a camera,” Druig corrected.

“Well, that makes more sense,” Sersi said as she sat down.

“At least he said something nice,” Ajak added. “It’s good to change things up sometimes. Although, I don’t think I’ll be making dairy-free ice cream again any time soon.”

A few of them groaned in agreement (including Kingo, though Makkari threw a crouton at him in retaliation, much to Druig’s amusement). Ajak hadn’t gone for anything too complicated, but her chocolate ice cream hadn’t quite set, making for quite the mess when it came time for judgment. The others had done alright, but Druig could sense that none of them were looking forward to the next two challenges.

One person who hadn’t struggled at all, however, was Sprite, whose avocado ice cream had only garnered praise. As she and Gilgamesh neared the table, completing the party, they started applauding. She paused to roll her eyes but gave them a playful bow before she took her seat and accepted the onslaught of compliments.

“Well, I did have the advantage. I’ve been vegan since I was 12,” Sprite said.

“So last month?” Gilgamesh teased, which earned him a few chuckles, but Sprite was not amused.

“I’m sure you get this all the time, but one day, you’ll be glad you look young for your age,” Ajak tried to reassure.

“You’re right, I do get that all the time,” Sprite replied wryly.

If you do well on the technical, do you think your mom will let you come to dinner with us? Makkari asked.

“Tell her we may seem like grown-ups, but we’re really just a bunch of oversized kids,” Gilgamesh added. “And we promise not to be bad influences!”

“Oh, I don’t actually need her permission. I just didn’t want to hang out with a bunch of adults twice my age and above,” Sprite replied, grinning snarkily. Several members of the group voiced their discontent at this statement, but she cut them off, saying, “I’m kidding! I already asked her, and she said I could make an appearance.”

“What about you, Phastos?” Ajak asked.

“We’ll see. Jack likes me to Facetime him before he goes to bed,” Phastos explained.

One of these days, we’ll get you to dinner, Makkari signed, a playful look in her eye.

“Assuming I make it through this week!” he lamented. No matter how well he did, Phastos always seemed to think he was one mistake away from elimination.

“Well, considering you got Arishem to enjoy peanut butter ice cream, I’d say you make it to next week,” Druig interjected.

“Again, with the almost compliments!” Kingo remarked. “Next thing you know, he’ll start being nice to people not named Makkari!”

This time, Makkari handed Druig the crouton. It hit Kingo right in the forehead, drawing plenty of laughter from most of the table, a light scolding from Ajak, and another eye-roll from Sprite as she muttered something about being more mature than most of her fellow competitors.

I may not agree with her actions, but as someone who's always looked young for their age, I can relate to Sprite 😆 Likes, comments, and re-blogs would be much appreciated!

Part 20

#lovelyfanatical shares #drukkari gbbo au #drukkari #druig x makkari #eternals #eternals fanfiction #sprite has barely been here but she's so done already #couples who throw food at people together stay together #sorry kingo

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daybreakrising · 23 days

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HEADCANONS - B.EIDOU'S EYEPATCH

i've wanted to make this hc post for ages and just. kept forgetting. so, at last, here it is-

THE RUMOURS

there are probably many different rumours and stories about why captain b.eidou wears an eyepatch. most of them, as you might expect, involve daring battles in which the fearless and mighty captain clashed with a great beast and, in the process, lost her eye. others may suggest something far simpler: an accident on the seas, perhaps, as often happens.

the captain herself does nothing to confirm or deny any of these stories. if an adult were to ask her directly, she would merely give them a daring grin and answer: and where's the mystery in that? even the members of her crew are tight-lipped on the subject, and no amount of free drinks can drag the truth from any one of them.

she finds every story (even the 'boring' ones) highly amusing. she even keeps a record of each new tale she hears, marking down the mighty beasts she's said to have faced - and it is these stories in particular that she tells to the children who enquire about her 'missing eye'. who is she to deny them the wonder and awe of these fabrications? did she not seek her destiny upon the sea after hearing similar tales?

THE TRUTH

the real story behind it is, however, rather different. there's no daring tale of battle, no tragic accident. the truth is, the captain has two fully functioning eyes. so why then, you ask, does she keep one covered? is it to maintain an air of mystery, to provoke these whispers and tales? is it a part of her image, an iconic feature of the brave captain?

no. it is entirely for practical purposes.

quick disclaimer: whilst this theory behind pirates (in particular) & eyepatches has been widely debunked and lacks any historical evidence to support it (and indeed has a fair few disadvantages to it), i like the concept & there is a slight advantage / truth to the science of it, so i'm running with it-

she wears a covering over her eye to maintain vision when she switches from above decks to below decks. with one eye near-permanently covered and therefore used to dimmer conditions, it doesn't take as long for her vision to adjust to the transition, allowing her a small, but often very crucial, advantage when it matters.

whilst on an average day there is little need for this advantage, she swears that it has made a difference during various dangers the ship has faced in the past. therefore, there are very few situations where the covering is fully removed (she has even been known to sleep with it on).

her crew obviously know that this is the real reason behind the covering. some of them even follow the same practice (though some have also genuinely lost eyes in battles), though the captain herself doesn't prompt them to do so - after all, keen depth perception is also crucial out on the seas, and the need for a quicker transition from light to dark is not so high as to require multiple crew members to follow this practice (the captain herself has trained hard for years to make up for the loss of vision & depth perception).

due to the rarity of situations where this slight advantage is required, many of the crew have never seen their captain's other eye. it is also considered a ritual for new crew members to correctly guess the reason for the covering - usually via a series of clues that can be gleaned from the longest serving members by asking the right questions. very few have ever achieved the correct answer and typically learn the truth after they have proven themselves loyal to the captain and the fleet.

THE AESTHETIC

and, of course, why wouldn't she also indulge in something that is so iconically linked to tales of pirates? whilst her reason for the eyepatch was always for a quicker transition between light levels, the fact that it leaned into the pirate aesthetic was definitely an added bonus.

#( this ended up being longer than i anticipated but. it's not too bad- )#( unless canon ever tells us otherwise. she has two working eyes )#( she loves all the stories people come up with and definitely makes no attempt to debunk them )#( does n//ingguang know the truth? maybe. maybe not. would she tell people even if she did? i doubt it )#( like i said. the actual theory has no evidence to support it but it *is* true that your vision adjusts quicker if it's been covered up )#( i have evidence of this myself from when i had minor surgery and had to have one eye covered for six hours after )#( idk i just think she'd do anything she could to be fully prepared )#;may the wind be at your back (headcanons; beidou)

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captnjacksparrow · 3 years

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Hi, I love your blog and I read it every day... ❤️

I have a question, do you think that Sakura, Hinata or someone from the village knew or suspected the true feelings of Naruto and Sasuke?👀

That's right, in the manga, when Naruto is talking to Sakura about Sai, Naruto gets nervous or something like that, however the face that he puts in the manga is as if he was putting it to the test.

I don't know maybe I'm just hallucinating but I want to know your opinion. I'm sorry if you don't understand, my language is Spanish.

🍅🍅🍥🍥

Aahhh!!! Insanely interesting ask, Anon. I love this one!!!!

I think no one suspects their feelings between them but they know Naruto and Sasuke feels ‘something’ about each other to the point when something happens to one of them, the other would react in an intense manner.

I mean, Kishi cannot put a scene , say Sakura, doubting their feelings for each other otherwise it would stir up a lot of trouble, that is, it would confirm something’s really going on between the two. (Which is not ‘typical’ of Shounen. Sigh!!!)

However, Kishi does things in his own way by making it as a joke or a casual thing. And I am going to include everyone from the Narutoverse, not just someone from Konoha.

PEOPLE WHO MILDLY ‘SHIPS’ NARUTO AND SASUKE IN NARUTOVERSE

Alright, people, Here ‘Ship’ means not in a romantical sense. But in a platonic or friendly sense.

HAKU

When I watched this series for the first time, I always wondered ‘What made Haku think that attacking Naruto would make Sasuke fall into the trap?’.

Then I realized Sasuke was carrying Naruto around to protect him from Haku’s senbon attacks at any cost, which made Sasuke expose his weakness and Haku just fount it and used it against him.

OROCHIMARU

Some other shippers claim ‘Forest of the Death’ Arc belonged to Ms.Pinky. But Orochimaru and Kabuto’s analysis proves it otherwise. But what did he found there?

Designing a lengthy password which Naruto cannot remember to lure Orochimaru out.

When Naruto came to save Sasuke, he panicked and asked Naruto to ‘Run Away’ and gave up the scroll.

Fought back Orochimaru after seeing Naruto got knocked out.

Kabuto found that Sasuke was overusing Sharingan even to the point of enduring Cursed Seal’s pain to protect Naruto.

KABUTO

“Hardly behaving as a man”... LOL.

OROCHIMARU AGAIN

This whole battle is to provoke Naruto using Sasuke’s name. And when Orochimaru used the word, ‘My Sasuke-kun’... Naruto just got deranged to the point of sprouting 4 Tails.

KAKASHI

Sasuke is Naruto’s strength. Kakashi said it. It’s canon, Guys.

KIBA

It’s surprising that Kiba also knows that Naruto gets Hot-Headed when it comes to Sasuke.

KABUTO AGAIN

Gosh!!!! These Orochimaru and Kabuto duo maybe absolute trash. But they do know something about Naruto and Sasuke.

PAIN

LOL.... How did Nagato know about Naruto chasing Sasuke??? Is this some International news?

ITACHI

I always wondered as to why Itachi posed this particular question to him? A question which forces Naruto to choose an option. An impossible option which Itachi chose and endured a lot of pain for. Naruto protecting the village is obvious. Why did he ask Naruto about Sasuke? What did he saw?

The answer is in part 1. When Itachi visited the village after Hiruzen’s death, he ‘planned’ to kidnap Naruto. When Sasuke came in between, Itachi just beat the crap out of him.

But Naruto was so furious to draw Kyuubi Chakra to protect Sasuke. Itachi noticed this very well and hence came to this conclusion. That’s why Itachi didn’t pay any attention to Sasuke. LOL. Which made Sasuke go crazy.

KARIN

This doesn’t need any explanation, does it??? Probably Sasuke might’ve reacted to his name and Karin noticed it. Who knows? Anyways, it’s interesting that a person outside of Konoha could able to connect Sasuke with Naruto, meaning, Karin could able to see something’s going on between them.

KURAMA

ROFL..... There’s no one better in this world to ask Naruto, this particular question, other than Kurama.

KURAMA AGAIN

“What kind of flavour did that Sasuke’s lips have?”.... Gosh!!! This is such an useless scene. Most importantly, Naruto is getting Nose Bleed here.

ITACHI AGAIN

No doubt, Itachi is the No.1 shipper of SNS. He knew Naruto can change Sasuke.

OBITO

Well, Obito was right about one thing... Naruto’s death can bring powers to Sasuke. But he was wrong about underestimating both of them, that is, they will fight on Obito’s accord.

OROCHIMARU AGAIN

One of my favorite underrated SNS scene. There is no mention of Pink Trash or anyone else. Well, he lived with him for 3 years. He is the only person who can read Sasuke’s expression perfectly.

TOBIRAMA

Gosh!!!!! This!!!!! This is just an alien level shipping. Tobirama, a person who rarely compliments, but when he does, it must be damn excellent. Like he was so happy to see Minato was so fast in performing Hiraishin no Jutsu, a jutsu he invented. He openly admitted his admiration 3 times.

When he complimented the ‘Level of Unison’ achieved by two 16 year old boys, which takes YEARS to achieve is so heartwarming. Because, only we, the audience, knew that Naruto and Sasuke fought together for the last time way back when they were 12 in Land of Waves arc. Even then they could team up together without any direct communication.

Damn!!!!

OROCHIMARU AGAIN

This is another underrated scene and Orochimaru scores for SNS. We saw Naruto was crying rivers when Obito sucked everyones’s chakra. Sasuke’s face seems to be in a bad mood.

Orochimaru really is the Mood Finder of Sasuke.

PEOPLE OF KONOHA

Damn!!!! This is my all time favourite!!!!!!

This is when Ebisu Sensei, fondly remembers how Naruto has grown from a Deadlast (in Episode 1) to an Hero (End of Pain Arc). During one of his memories, People of Konoha appreciates Naruto for stopping Gara from Invading Konoha and Bring Tsunade as Fifth Hokage. When it comes to retrieving Sasuke, this panel appears.

Even people of Konoha themselves knows that Naruto will be depressed if Sasuke is not there in Konoha with him.

I mean, for every achievements Naruto made, the villagers praised him. When Jiraiya was dead, the villagers felt, ‘Naruto will not lose heart, He’ll keep on going, like always’. But when it comes to Sasuke, the villagers implicitly felt that Naruto will be depressed.

Kishi is showing us that everyone in Narutoverse understands the feelings between Naruto and Sasuke, but he didn’t drew the extent as to how far it goes. He just left it ambiguous.

But one thing is sure,

‘Everyone knows that they both are connected somehow and both of them have certain influence on each other which no other person has in Narutoverse and they know that one will suffer without the other.’

#sasunaru #sasunarusasu #sns #itachi #orochimaru #kabuto #tobirama #kurama #karin #haku #nagato #obito

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gentrychild · 3 years

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As I know you to be a thoughtful person and who will know how to give me a suitable answer, I'm going to ask you a rather particular question: For you, what makes an antagonist a charismatic villain? And in general, what does it take for a bad guy to be a good bad guy? I'm telling you this because I see so many people saying that All for one is a good bad guy because he's Machiavellian. But isn't Shigaraki a good villain in his own way too?

I think the answer depends on who you're asking but there are three things I look in a charismatic villain.

They must be a genuine threat.

They're not a villain if they aren't dangerous and just being able to kill someone in an alley is not threatening enough. I must be able to look at the villain and genuinely believe that the MC's life could be in danger.

ex 1: AFO's first appearance gave me chills and I don't think I'm the only one. All Might told us about him, we knew he created the noumu and was behind Tomura, but it's not until Kamino and him one-shooting a whole team of heroes and an entire neighborhood that I really appreciate the threat he was. At the end of the chapter, I was thinking "How is Izuku supposed to fight that???"

ex 2: The threat doesn't always have to be violence. If a hacker is trapped somewhere and manage to unlock all the doors and provoke chaos thanks to a smartphone just to tranquilly walk out, I will wonder "Okay, how are we supposed to stop someone like that???"

They must be in control.

They must be driven. They must have a plan. They must be prepared to do anything to reach their goals.

Villains act, heroes react. Heroes can flay around and not know what to do but it's less interesting with villains.

And to go back to Tomura, since we saw him throwing a fit when things didn't go his way at the USJ, we knew that he wouldn't be too much of a threat.

It also implies that the villain must be smart.

They must retain some humanity and/or their relationship with the MC

The hardest part to find.

I won't lie, what really interests me with villains is how they interact with heroes. There must be some emotions, be it frustration, awe, hate or respect.

And that doesn't happen if the villain isn't human. The writer must understand the villain's circumstances and why he is acting this way.

A robot is not something you can connect with and a monster can be cool but a human one less so.

Ex: Even Evil Has Loved Ones, the villain having a sense of humor, or just the villain obviously enjoying being dramatic...

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Darth Vader: he's a one-man-army, his life is a mess but he still has several goals he is following with no hesitation, loves his son and wants him back.

Six (BNHA vigilantes): proves that he couldn't only fight noumus but escape the police and launch operations involving noumus, has a whole life plan ahead and won't let anyone stir him away from it, hates Koichi while kinda wanting to be him and his backstory makes it clear that his entire existence is one hell of identity crisis.

Elias (Person of Interest): isn't physically gifted but has an entire organization he uses in smart ways, is both crazy prepared and very good at thinking ten steps ahead, has a code and is a pretty nice (but still ruthless) guy if you're honorable, even if you put him in prison.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But most of what I have said up there is for the the hero's nemesis.

There is more than one type of villains and I don't consider Shigaraki a nemesis.

Shigaraki is AFO's apprentice and watching is growth was genuinely interesting. By the time we reached the villain arc and the war arc, he was magnificent to behold. Unfortunately, his arc was cut short and right now, he is more a victim of AFO/the lesser evil.

#writing

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anischa22 · 3 years

Text

Met the Prince! Nokto Klein 🦊

After Yves, here's the next released suitor :

The 7th Prince of Rhodolite Kingdom, member of Diplomatic Affair, Licht's youngest twin

Arm of coat : fox

First of impression : playboy? ... Hmm, maybe later he will be as popular among players like Arthot---i mean Arthur?

His voice actor is Eguchi Takuya

I have to say, actually playboy characters are not my type😅 sometimes i can like them saying wise words, in cool style or hot ... Like usual! But imagining having a serious relationship with them, I can never get it😅 So I'm sorry if Nokto's explanation lacks detail cuz I'm not too deep into his character. His relationship with Licht was the biggest reason I read his route.

His appearance is very eye-catching. I don't remember who said it was either Licht or Nokto, but he said that their gray hair and red eyes were something that was rarely seen, make it easy to get people's attention. At first, I feel that Nokto and Licht don't look alike, especially with hairstyles like that, but if they're in the same frame with the same expression, they will look similar! It's very cute for me! 🤣

But, the Nokto way of dressing ._. Why is he dressed in such a style (?・・)σ?

And the nails on his left hand, only 3 fingers are dyed black by him ... (later I found out that he intentionally dyed his nails like that to make a fox pose)

Nokto is famous for his flirty behavior. Night at woman's home, morning appears at the palace gates 😅 Licht also describe him as 'Good-for-Nothing Womanizer'. but he is very good at his job, which is to socialize and negotiate. Chevalier, who lacks of that things, always leave this task to Nokto and Clavis. Nokto also a source of information, which of course must pay him first (if someone else asks for him ... Wait, he reminds me of one of the otome characters... Gosh, I don't remember😅). Well, approaching women is one of Nokto's easiest ways to get information

That's why Nokto rarely uses his sword, his main weapon is talking, provoking the opponent to buy time. It's harder to see him wielding a sword than seeing Yves use his sword, i think.

Like most of the suitors, Nokto hiding a deep scars behind his behavior. He has the same tragedy as Licht, one incident that changed their relationship and shook their souls. Let alone superstition about twins, as we know in the past, twins were considered a bad sign. In this case, if one of them is good, then the other twin is bad

Nokto not recommended to anyone who doesn't like playboy type. But Nokto's route is closely related to Licht's route, so maybe after reading his route, you'd be wondering how the story would be from Licht's perspective.

Nokto was rarely seen in the court, whether he was on duty or doing his 'things'. If MC meets him, Nokto will always tease her. But if he's serious, Nokto can explain at length about kingdom's external state to MC. Plus, Nokto is the right choice if MC want to learn socialization among nobles, so in his route, MC is often attending parties with Nokto. Btw, even though Nokto is popular among women, most of their relationships are not ended well by Nokto. So not surprising anymore if a woman suddenly appears and then slaps Nokto😅

Bonus! In his route, ofc Licht is an important character here. They do keep their distance and haven't even talk in a very long time, but that doesn't mean they don't care about each other. They have their own way of communicating, just by eye contact! Very twins thing, isn't it? (I also have friends who are twins and every time they meet, they just staring and poking until we said "what are you guys talking about!? Just talk! We won't listen!"🤣)

Bonus! Bc Nokto's activities are mostly outside the court, i don't see him having any particular closeness with other princes, except Yves .... Hmm, Nokto likes Yves, but Yves doesn't, can we say they are close?😂 Fights between Yves and Nokto are pretty usual in court, so let's just say they're close lol. I think its cute to see the Klein twins actually liked Yves, maybe it's because they are a year apart in age too. Other Yves, Nokto seems to match Jin and Clavis as fellow female body lovers 😂

Next will be the anti-social prince, Licht!

#ikemen prince #ikepri #ikemen ouji #ikemen series #nokto klein #ikepri nokto #cybird

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helloamhere · 2 years

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hey i was rereading your fics (love all of them you’re a genius that understands exactly my views on love and it’s expressions.....anyway) and i was wondering if you have any plans or thoughts on writing about an already established relationship, i love falling in love stories but i think i would enjoy seeing your views on “we’ve been together for a while” dynamics

thank you so much for the kind words :)))) -- love this question!! I really think that fanfic is traditionally suited to 'falling in love' stories, perhaps because fanfic just loves to lean into the emotional, the transitional, the kind of aching uncertainty of character moments. A lot of fanfic is heavily romance driven and it's fun to write falling in love stories because the happy ending is so, you know, satisfying. BUT BUT BUT. I love established relationships; the more I think about it the more I am interested in long-term relationships.

I think I approached this a little bit in This Multiplicity of Powers, because L and H in that fic have grown up together and have an intense degree of intimacy and entanglement from years of not only living in the same building (even if it is a very large building that includes a military complex), but also from being responsible for each other's lives and safety in various ways. I wanted to explore the contrast between how enmeshed and how deeply they know each other, compared to how much they've also never expressed their romantic feelings out of fear for what it might do to that trust and protection/out of a sense of not deserving it/out of the fact that all the trauma history behind L presented a barrier that he needed to solve before he was ready to understand a romantic relationship. But it's a very different love story that Saving Symphony Hall was, where you get to see the unfolding of intimacy and emotional trust from people who start as strangers already sleeping together, and then gradually learn to have that trust. So to me, SSH and TMOP are two really nice bookends to my journey of writing "fic romance."

BUT YEAH, what about HAPPY ESTABLISHED ROMANCE tho? I am actually super interested in that in two ways. 1) I think there is a lot of fun to asking questions about "what do two very complicated people do to advance their intimacy once they are already committed," and when I think about writing an Etched in Salt sequel, that's what I think about. (sometimes I think that in fanfic people don't always appreciate the fact that there is a lot of drama and adventure even in an established relationship, if you're interested in growing as a human. There are a lot of choices about what a relationship will be, what kind of relationship are we together, separate from any angst or fear of breaking up. I like writing people who are desperately in love and still wrestling with the drama of what it means to keep being vulnerable) 2) there's another kind of established relationship I love which is just, the pure unadulterated joy of watching two people tackle crazy adventures while being perfect together. I love this ish. You could provoke a lot of stakes from the plot itself while enjoying the competence porn and emotional comfort of an excellently happy couple. When I think about writing Old Guard fic for instance, or a few other fandoms where there are couples that I'm just happy to see be couples, I think more about how fun it would be to create moments between them where you can see the fluid, graceful, brilliant years of partnership between people. That kind of highly beautiful dance partnership to me would also be interesting, as interesting as conflict. Everyone who stays in a healthy and happy relationship has built it themselves imho, and is therefore an expert in living and protecting and cherishing that particular relationship, and that is a gorgeous thing to witness and also something I aspire to in my own life so I think it's as meaningful as falling in love in the first place.

SO YEAH, I do think about it! I am so committed to so many important things in my own life right now that I don't know if you'll see any of that come from me in fic form 😭but it's good stuff!!!!!

#established relationship #fic thoughts #writing thoughts #you people are so infinitely kind #my writing #meta fic

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mimisempai · 3 years

Text

The beat of your heart soothes me to sleep

Summary

5 times where Loki falls asleep in Mobius' presence and once where Loki helps Mobius to fall asleep.

Answer to an anon prompt request on tumblr

"Loki falling asleep with Mobius around"

As always when it goes on this trope, I got carried away.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32649739

2597 words - Rating G

As Mobius emerged from the shelves of the archives, deserted at this hour of the evening, his gaze fell on the tables, and one table in particular.

The table that reminded him of the first days of his meeting with Loki, and the very first time he had realized how much Loki trusted him.

They were both still in the taming phase at this point in their relationship, each gauging the other's reactions.

They were doing intensive research. Mobius, immersed in the files, had not noticed that Loki had become silent while a few minutes earlier he was commenting on every sentence of what he was looking for. He yawned and at that moment noticed something unimaginable, Loki had fallen asleep.

Moreover, it was not a light nap. From the sound of his steady breathing, it was a deep sleep.

For someone as suspicious as Loki, the fact that he slept in this way in the presence of someone was a miracle in Mobius' eyes.

To sleep in front of someone you barely know. How much trust does that take?

At that moment Mobius knew that something had changed, at least for him.

He didn't know at the time what the future would hold, but before waking him up, Mobius told himself that he would do everything in his power to preserve the trust that Loki seemed to have in him.

Whatever it takes.

He recalled the memory fondly as he stroked the table with one hand in passing, right where Loki had fallen asleep that day.

As he looked up to continue on his way, he was surprised to see Loki waiting for him on the doorstep. He wondered, blushing slightly, if Loki had seen his gesture and if he too remembered.

Mobius didn't have to wonder for long, Loki leaned over, kissed him on the cheek and simply said in his ear, "I remember, too." Then Loki straightened up, took Mobius' hand and added, "Come on love, let's go home."

"Okay, tell me what are the top 3 laws to avoid breaking?"

Loki sitting at his desk, let out a deep sigh before protesting, "Mobiuus, I can't take it anymore, you've been making me repeat the laws and workings of the TVA for two hours."

Mobius replied firmly, "Even if you think you don't need them, it's important that you know them, you're going to be responsible for training recruits in the field and while I have no doubt about your teaching skills, you'll be a role model and as such you-"

"Do not disrupt the flow of time," Loki began to enumerate in a sullen voice.

Mobius smiled fondly and nodded approvingly as Loki continued, "Avoid time travel and do not contact people in the past to save them from their future."

Loki yawned ostensibly to show his annoyance.

"Perfect!" replied Mobius who walked away from the desk as he spoke, "Now we will review some of the punishable crimes by the TVA, such as time theft, time misconduct, or time jumps that can destabilize the continuity of space-time. What can you tell me about that last one, Loki?"

Silence answered him.

"Loki, stop being a child and answer," said Mobius in a slightly irritated tone.

Still no reaction. Mobius turned around and couldn't help but smile at the sight in front of his eyes.

Loki had fallen asleep, his head on his arms crossed on the desk.

Mobius approached and looked with tenderness at the black locks that had slid down his lover's face, the little puffs of air that came out of his mouth and made the sheets of paper in front of him tremble, but above all the look of complete surrender.

Mobius shook his head and looked around before finding what he was looking for. He went to grab a blanket folded on the arm of a chair in the corner of the room. He unfolded it and laid it gently on Loki's shoulders. He leaned over, placed a kiss on Loki's head and whispered in his ear, "I'll come back later..."

Loki answered with a groan under Mobius' amused look.

"According to Hesiod, Eris is the daughter of Nyx and gives birth alone, like her mother, to many children, all evil. She is the relentless Discord, both companion and sister of the murderer Ares, who at first rises timidly, but soon touches the sky with her forehead and treads the earth with her feet. The most famous story of Eris tells that she started the Trojan War by provoking the Judgment of Paris. The goddesses Hera, Athena and Aphrodite had been invited, along with the rest of Olympus, to the forced nuptials of Peleus and Thetis, who would become the parents of Achilles, but Eris had been dismissed because of her tendencies to cause trouble.So she gives birth to the worst calamities and seems to announce the apocalypse."

Mobius paused in his reading as he felt Loki fidgeting, shaking his head in Mobius' lap. They were enjoying what was probably one of Mobius' favorite activities since they had been living together.Loki lying on the couch, his head in Mobius' lap while Mobius read aloud, one hand in Loki's hair or in Loki's hand on his chest.

Loki, surprised to learn that Greek and Roman mythologies had many similarities with Norse mythology, had asked Mobius to read him the story of the goddess Eris, Loki's Greek equivalent.

"Of course, there's nothing good about my Greek equivalent!" snapped Loki. "Whatever our origin, we can only do evil."

Mobius grabbed Loki's chin to turn his face upward and said in a scolding tone, "Loki, I thought you knew by now that this was not the case. That you didn't have to live up to this destiny. After all this time, you still don't believe it? You still don't believe me?"

Loki sighed and took hold of the hand that held his chin and intertwined his fingers with it, "Of course I believe you, it's just hearing that, brings back memories that taste bitter."

Mobius leaned over, pressed a kiss to Loki's mouth and resumed reading. "I think you'll like the next part... Eris is also the one Zeus sends to awaken the fighting spirit of the warlords so that they will throw themselves into battle.She is therefore also the goddess of emulation. Eris is a portal that opens to individual energies. It generates the pioneers, to move the collective energies. She unconsciously forces us to take a direction, to take a path."

"Hm you're right," Loki interrupted him, "I really like that. "Go on."

Mobius chuckled and continued, "Eris forces action, reaction. Eris causes chaos to prepare the necessary future mutation. Eris is a trigger, a revealer. She participates in the tragedy of life."

"Hmmm..."

"Loki?"

Mobius felt Loki's head get heavier on his lap and Loki's hand clutching his own slowly loosened its grip. He leaned forward a little to see that Loki had fallen asleep. This was no longer a rare occurrence, but it never ceased to amaze Mobius as to its deeper meaning. He pulled the plaid that was at the end of the couch over Loki's legs, taking care not to wake him up, then resumed his reading.

"Eris turns our lives upside down, plunging us into chaos. If she spreads mischief through all, she also throws the trouble in oneself. It is to open a new way. A new life where we will never be the same again."

These last sentences made Mobius smile, because this is exactly what Loki had done in his life. He had opened a new life for Mobius that had changed him forever, for the better.

He closed the book carefully and put it on the armrest. Carding his fingers gently in Loki's hair, who purred in response, he let himself be lulled by the sweetness of the moment and fell asleep in turn.

"I am exhausted, ex-haus-ted!" exclaimed Loki as he entered their apartment.

Mobius, busy preparing the meal, watched him enter the kitchen, smiling at his lover's antics as Loki continued to talk while undressing.

8 hours training new recruits in combat techniques combined with magic! 8 hours! Mobius you are the boss, you could do something!"

He had arrived in front of Mobius, planted a kiss on his lips before continuing to unbutton his shirt without giving him a chance to respond. "I'm going to shower and come eat, love."

Mobius followed him with his eyes and shook his head before returning to the dinner preparation.

Later, sitting at the table, they ate dinner and talked about their day. Loki was much calmer and more relaxed after showering.

Although the training had indeed exhausted him, Loki was nonetheless enthusiastic about his students' progress. But towards the end of the meal, as Mobius told an anecdote about one of his day's events, he saw that he was losing Loki's attention. His head was nodding as he visibly struggled against sleep.

"Loki, sweetheart, let me put the dishes away and you go to bed, I can see you're really exhausted," Mobius said in a gentle tone.

Loki didn't protest, got up and gave Mobius a gentle hug before saying, "Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve someone as caring as you."

To which Mobius replied, "Nothing, you're just you and I'm just me."

Loki smiled and gave him one last kiss before walking off to their room like a robot.

Mobius went to put the dishes away, turned off the lights and headed for their room. When he entered he was surprised to see Loki sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Loki?"

Receiving no answer, he walked over to find that Loki had fallen asleep like that. He must have really been exhausted.

"Loki, sweetheart, you should go to bed."

Loki groaned in response. Mobius laughed silently. He opened the sheets, gently helped Loki to lie down, carefully removed his sweatpants and T-shirt, Loki malleable as a disarticulated doll in his arms. The degree of trust and acceptance that Loki had in his arms was something new for Mobius every time. Something absolutely extraordinary.

Mobius laid down beside him, covered them both before taking Loki in his arms and after a tender kiss on his forehead, let himself be carried away by sleep.

Loki knocked gently on Mobius' office door before poking his head through the doorway.

"Ready to go home?"

Mobius looked up from his work sheepishly and replied, "Loki, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be able to leave right away, I have some urgent reports due tomorrow, so I'll be staying late. It's not even worth waiting for me."

Loki didn't hold it against him, he walked over to him, took his face in his hands, kissed him gently before pretending to wipe the creases on Mobius' forehead with his fingers. "Don't worry like that, love, take as much time as you need. I'll leave you a piece of dinner in the fridge for when you get home."

"Thank you for being so understanding."

"You're welcome." replied Loki as he walked away.

Mobius followed him with a grateful smile on his lips before getting back to work.

Three hours later he walked through the door of their apartment, the living room was in darkness except for a small lamp lit near the armchair where Loki was sitting.

He gasped as he approached, Loki was sleeping, that was something he was used to, but what surprised him was that Loki was wearing one of his shirts. Mobius swallowed when he saw that he wasn't wearing any pants, just the shirt and his underwear, bare feet curled under him on the chair. He looked so vulnerable like that, that Mobius' throat tightened. Mobius crouched down in front of the chair and lightly placed his hand on Loki's bare knee so as not to startle him as he called softly, "Loki... Sweetheart... our bed is much more comfortable to sleep in."

Loki's eyes flickered before slowly opening, a smile lighting up his face when he saw Mobius.

"Mobius, you're finally home."

Mobius nodded, stood up and held out his hand to Loki, "Come on, the bed is more comfortable."

He accompanied him to their room, watched him go to bed before going to get ready for the night, also feeling exhausted.

A few moments later, he joined Loki in their bed. He lay on his back and Loki came closer, resting his head on his chest and wrapping his arm around his stomach.

"Loki..." Mobius had a question burning in his mind.

"Hm..."

"Why are you wearing my shirt?"

Loki cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed, "I tried to fall asleep in our bed, but without you I couldn't, so I thought if I wore something of yours, maybe I could, but no, the bed is too big without you, so instead I waited for you in the living room, and finally fell asleep in the chair."

Mobius tightened his arm around Loki's shoulders and said in a voice hoarse with emotion, "you can go to sleep now, I'm here, sweetheart."

Loki snuggled up to him in approval and it wasn't long before Mobius felt the weighted head and steady breath against him, which in turn lulled Mobius into a deep sleep.

+1.

Mobius sat at the kitchen counter, clutching a cup of tea. He couldn't stop shivering.

It was the middle of the night, it was half past two in the morning. He had been awakened by a nightmare and could not get back to sleep. He didn't want to wake Loki, so he came to the kitchen to try to calm down with a cup of tea.

The nightmares of Mobius were often the same, reminiscences of the lives that he had erased in the name of the previous TVA. It was often the conversation with Sylvie that came back to haunt him.

"All that time, I really believed we were the good guys."

"Annihilating entire realities, orphaning little girls, classic hero stuff."

Of course Mobius had never thought of himself as a hero, but he thought he was doing good and now realized how blind he had been.

And it was hard because there was no way to make amends, no way to redeem himself, because most of the people he had taken had ended up in the void and had not survived Alioth. At night Mobius could not think beyond the throbbing pain of guilt.

Suddenly, hands rested gently on his shoulders.

"Mobius? Are you okay?"

Then without waiting for an answer the hands slid forward and Mobius found himself with Loki's chest pressed against his back and Loki's chin resting on his head.

"I had another nightmare," he whispered, hoarse and vulnerable. Loki hummed, moved back and gently rubbed the back of Mobius' neck..

"Come back to bed with me," Loki's voice was warm and sleepy. Loving. Soothing. He took the cup from Mobius, discarding the now cold tea and rinsing the cup, before taking Mobius' hands and dragging him towards their room. Loki made him lie down before tightening his arms and legs around Mobius who in turn tightened his arms around Loki.

"Thank you," he whispered into Loki's soft hair.

Loki simply tightened his arms around him, and said softly, "Sleep my love, I am here, this time I am the one protecting you."

Mobius fell asleep, a dreamless sleep, only aware of Loki's presence shielding him from the world and from himself.

Beloved.

________

Whole series of one shot here : X

As always, bear with me as it is not beta'd I hope you enjoyed it 🥰

#lokius fic #lokius #loki series #loki #mobius m mobius #moki #wowki #established relationship #5 + 1 things #anon request

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livebloggingmydescentintomadness · 3 years

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Hello! Thank you very much for your answers on the gender identity/soul asks, I found them very thought-provoking. They made me think about my own gender identity. I have no one in real life to ask (where I live is not very tolerant of topics like this), so I am hoping you might be comfortable to share more.

I have been casually wondering if I am genderfluid for some time now — I say casually because I wonder about it when I see posts mentioning it, but also haven’t minded enough to think or do more about it until now.

now, on the other hand, when i asked "would you still know that you're a woman?" you might have thought, "wait... would i?"

O.O This was exactly what I thought when I read your post and it is what made me pause to think for a long time. But also I don’t know if that means I am genderfluid or non-binary. What made me start questioning in the first place was reading about the powers of a Metamorphmagus in the Harry Potter books — a person with the “ability to change their physical appearance through sheer will alone” — and I thought...well that would be a really nice power to have because I could look masculine or feminine or however I want, whenever I feel like it.

Is that a common thought that genderfluid or non-binary people have? Is that how people know what gender identity they are? Even if I disregard my family’s views or where I live, I don’t feel like I would “care” enough to want to come out or present myself any differently, so I am not sure if this is just a common random thought to have, or if it is something that only people who identify as genderfluid or non-binary (or other similar labels) feel. Also I am not sure if these are disrespectful thoughts to have because gender shouldn’t be about physical body parts? If so, I am really sorry and I don’t mean to disrespect anyone, I am just really not sure what to think and whether I am supposed to figure out my gender identity more clearly.

Thank you very much in advance and again I am really sorry if I am being rude, I am trying to use the correct terms for gender/sex/identity but may have mixed some up, please forgive me and correct me if you are willing to 🙏

hello, dear! first off, you're not being rude or disrespectful or anything, don't worry about it. gender isn't defined by body parts (a girl isn't a girl because she has a vagina), but it's absolutely tied to body parts (lots of trans men want to have a penis because it would make them feel masculine).

so it would be transphobic to say something like "you can't be a man, because you don't have a penis" but it's not transphobic for a trans person to say "i wish i had a penis so i felt more like a man." there's a big difference between dictating someone else's body and gender and having particular feelings about your own and what you wish it had or looked like.

whatever you want for YOUR body isn't disrespectful or bigoted as long as you don't try to impose the same standards on anyone else. you're allowed to feel however you feel about your own body.

there's a really insightful post somewhere on tumblr that says "the biggest sign of being a girl is wanting to be a girl." generally speaking, most cis people don't think to themselves, "i wish i was [other gender]." like, lots of women who deal with oppression might say they wish they were men, but usually what they want is just to have equal rights, not to be men.

so if you want to be genderfluid, that's definitely a good sign that you are genderfluid. there isn't a specific test or checklist, it's really more about what makes you happy and the most 'you' that you can be. do you think that being able to change between male and female at will would make you happy? that says a lot, in my opinion.

i'm already pretty androgynous in my appearance, but if i could change my body at will, i wouldn't hesitate to get rid of my breasts and uterus. i feel no connection to them at all, and they just cause me discomfort. i would like to appear simply neutral, because i don't feel like i'm a man or a woman, i'm just a person.

i know this is a lot to think about and it's probably overwhelming and scary, especially in an unaccepting culture, but it's important to remember that you don't have to do anything to be valid in your identity. if you realize you're genderfluid, that doesn't mean you must regularly change your dress between male or female or else you're fake. it's about who you are, not what actions you take.

even if you're not able to explore this the way you'd like to, i think it can bring a lot of good things to your life just to know who you are and know that it's a lovely thing, not something wrong with you. who you are is okay, not bad or sick. there's a whole community of people who completely understand and accept you exactly as you are, as well as how you want to be.

so don't stress about it too much, just keep thinking about it and see what you figure out. if you'd like some more reading, try the 'gender' section of my resources masterpost. take care!

#nonbinary #anonymous #ask

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innuendostudios · 3 years

Text

Thoughts on... some funny games

[no spoilers to speak of]

Thoughts on Lair of the Clockwork God

The wisdom of the gaming cognoscenti insists that comedy is hard to do in video games. Having grown up with Monkey Island and Zork, I've never found this convincing. But one true thing is this: it's hard to write about comedic games. The ineffability of humor is hard enough to describe in less-interactive media; I can't even explain to my partner why Gretchen saying "I met January Jones once!" on You're the Worst busted me up, and they were sitting right next to me when she said it. Throw in the "you had to be there" nature of the player's active participation and I lose myself in a cornfield. The thing I found hilarious might come a beat to early for you, or not at all, or not be funny in text like it is in gameplay.

Why did I like Lair of the Clockwork God? It made me laugh.

The premise and particulars are a lot of "that could go either way." Ben and Dan - stars of Ben There, Dan That and Time Gentleman, Please! - have returned. Ben is still an adventure game star, but Dan has adopted platforming mechanics in an attempt to get with the times. So playing the game involves switching back and forth between a character who can leap across canyons but can't pick up items or talk to people, and one who can combine inventory but can't climb over a 3-pixel rock.

Does that sound potentially funny? Potentially grating? Yes to both!

The plot centers around our heroes trying to save the world from several simultaneous apocalypses and having to teach human emotions to a supercomputer in order to do so. (Don't ask.) These means, rather like Ben There, Dan That, traipsing through a number of fantasy worlds (read: computer simulations) until the correct emotion is provoked. This requires cross-genre cooperation: finding ways to get Ben to areas only Dan can access, getting Dan new power ups by combining objects in Ben's inventory (an act Dan insists on calling "crafting").

The best bits are at these intersections, when Dan's platforming is the puzzliest and Ben's puzzles take advantage of Dan's skills. Periodically the game gives you a Dan-centric platforming gauntlet the controls are NOT precise nor pleasant enough for, or a Ben-only moon logic puzzle that leaves you googling the walkthrough.

But I liked it! A lot. The genre-hopping seems to have invigorated the developers, Ben Ward and Dan Marshall. I discussed my favorite joke in Ben There, Dan That (in what is probably the least popular video I've ever made that wasn't asking for money), but was also dismayed that the game was never that clever again. But this one is, several times over! Progression here involves cheating your way to a better respawn zone, goofing around in game menus, exploiting "glitches," exiting out and loading up entirely other games. There is a lot of poking and prodding at what a game of this nature can or should be.

But, honestly? The only real selling point is... it was funny. The humor is as anarchic and metatextual as in previous titles, but it feels good-natured in a way BT,DT didn't. And there are, here and there, little bits of meat on its bones - the characters wondering if, as a couple thirtysomething white guys, the world hasn't left them behind, no longer comfortable with the juvenile humor of their youth but not really understanding the youth of today, but having not yet fully escaped the mentalities they used to hold. (There's an unspoken humor to Dan's idea of "modern" gameplay being 2D platforming mechanics, especially at a time when adventure games are significantly more popular than on his last outing; this is a good joke whether or not it's intentional.)

Also: this game contains the most poignant urinating-on-a-grave puzzle in gaming history, and you may quote me on that.

Having finished it months ago, I can't even remember what all the gags were that tickled me at the time. Comedy fades from memory faster than drama or frustration. Mostly I just remember having a good time.

Thoughts on The Darkside Detective

Here's a hook: sometime after the mayhem ends in Ghostbusters, The Exorcist, Evil Dead 2, or some other paranormal blockbuster that you watched over and over in the 90's until the VHS wore out, some overworked detective has to come into your town and piece together what the hell happened.

This is his story.

It's a good gag, and the devs wring every drop from it. Existing in a world where these things are commonplace and you have to fit them into some notion of "police procedure" is just funny. Like, it's one thing to have a running gag where you keep observing the moon in outdoor scenes, commenting, with increasing hostility, that its behavior is suspicious (it has been present at multiple crime scenes); it's a slightly different thing when, given the things you've encountered, the moon being the Big Bad is actually somewhat possible.

The game is divided into six main cases and three bonus DLC missions (which come included in the base game now, and the third of which is the proper ending/setup for the sequel). You are the cop tasked to deal with The Other Side - and, when The Other Side bleeds into our own world, its cops have to deal with you. You have a sidekick with a mental maturity of about 6, which I guess makes you the straight man. (You have to grade on a curve to find a straight man in this game.) And you solve tasks like rounding up escaped gremlins or finding an AWOL lake monster all juxtaposed with mundane problems like inter-office squabbles and having not bought your Christmas presents early enough. It's (pleasantly) lo-res and sparsely isolated, so the dialogue and premise do most of the work, but they are ably up to the task.

The gameplay... not so much. I'm an adventure game lifer, so I can put up with a lot of nonsense. It's mostly straightforward inventory puzzles and occasional minigames. Most of the puzzles are fine enough. As the cases progress, things get more involved, and the DLCs especially involve some awful moon logic. And the minigames are not above using that same jumping peg puzzle you've solved in a dozen other games already. So gameplay ranges from serviceable to irritating, but it mostly exists to string together funny lines and silly images. (Christmas mall elves being secretly in service to Krampus - that's the kind of thing we're talking about here.) You won't feel much guilt for opening up a walkthrough; the puzzles aren't why you're here.

The sequel has just been released, and both games are cheap, so check them out if you feel like smiling.

Thoughts on The Procession to Calvary

It's rare for a game to be hilarious to look at.

The Procession to Calvary takes its name from the Bruegel painting. It also takes all it's graphics from Renaissance oil paintings, and the designer delights in making famously rendered heroes and religious icons steal, stab, fart, and swear.

A strong Terry-Gilliam-with-After-Effects vibe is what we're describing.

You play as a lady knight from a war that's just ended, which sucks for you because, in this age of peace, you're no longer authorized to kill. And killing's, like, you're whole thing. But the one person your new, pacifist king wouldn't stop you from killing is the warlord you just deposed, who fled to the South. So you embark on a nonsensical journey to seek out the one human on Earth you are authorized to kill, because killing is just The. Best. Ever.

Of the three games we're discussing, this is the most overtly cheeky, and, at times, the most scatological. I could've done with a bit less scatology, if I'm being honest, but the cheekiness is very winning. As with Lair of the Clockwork God, a lot of jokes could go either way - a field of people being tortured and a woman on a blanket selling commemorative torture merch could be painfully try-hard. But something about the victims being seemingly everyone ever crucified or broken on the wheel in a famous painting, and having them writhe on their crosses in a way that is both gruesome and goofy, and having a cacophonous soundtrack of their screams and moans that you will now imagine every time you look at one of those elegantly elegiac paintings from now on... it works. That the music score is being played by an extremely jaunty piper who dances behind you just out of sword's reach as you traverse the field pushes it over the top.

Oh, and the puzzles, while never hair-pullingly obtuse, will leave you stumped at times. Push past that to get the proper ending, but, if you're sick of trying, you can, at any point, just start stabbing your way through problems. Which, again: it takes a very deft touch to make "protagonist resorts to violence" actually funny rather than lazy and obvious. And maybe, in another game, the perfect timing of every animation, the clever quips, the careful contrast of cathedrals and high-society music halls with gleeful sword-swinging wouldn't be enough. But something about it being frickin' Renaissance paintings carries it the last mile.

This is probably the basest game of the three, but it's also the one that made me giggle the most. Having a BFA that required several art history classes may have something to do with it. But check this thing out.

#capsule review #darkside detective #lair of the clockwork god #procession to calvary

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mc-critical · 3 years

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One of my most favourite confrontations between Mahidevran and Hürrem in the series is the one after Mahidevran sent Olga to Süleiman in episode 61. It's both fun, yet filled with meaningful character dialogue, managing to successfully deliver a thematic message that eventually finds its retroactive way, despite of it all seeming like a yet another smackdown fest by Hürrem at first.

The scene begins with their typical confrontational energy, the rivalry chemistry immediately paves its way forward. Hürrem is ready to face her for what she did and Mahidevran, while not being interested at first, goes with her flow regardless, setting the mood for what follows.

Hürrem: You've sent a concubine to his majesty.

Mahidevran: I'm replacing Valide. Pleasing his majesty is one of my duties.

Hürrem: Let God not give you other worries. Do you want to cover the lack of your femininity this way?

Mahidevran seems very engrained in her role as the head of the harem and connects it with her own desire to take revenge for her wounded pride and for all the pain they caused her. The first excuse she finds for sending Olga to SS refered to the rules and tradition that give her that right, but we know by context that there's something else going on, this was both a move driven by her vendetta and a provoked move - she decided to do this after Hü told her she's the one ruling the privy chamber and perhaps Mahidevran accepted it as a challenge to her power, because, honestly, I doubt she would've attempted such a thing if she weren't provoked like this. Hürrem, on the other hand, gives her own "interpretation" as to why Mahidevran took action. To be blunt, it sits wrong with me right from the start, because it demonstrates a huge amount of internalized mysoginy on full display and it's sad, in a way, that this is what the system encourages at the moment - you're nothing if you sleep alone in your bed, if you don't have the sultan's back. There's a glimmer of possibility Hürrem said it only to render Mahidevran vulnerable and one could understand where she comes from, since she has experienced quite a lot of similar offenses from that same person. And when a confrontation of the like occurs, her first instinct is to think of a comeback, to pull rank and highlight why she's better than her like she does in all their encounters in this batch of episodes. That hardly excuses or whitewashes this statement, though, because for a person who has been shown to fight the system and call out prejudice (even though it was mostly only she was subjected to it or it was about something that concerned her specifically), seeing that she had absorbed some of it and applies it without a second thought leaves a sour taste for me.

Mahidevran: Worry about your own problems, Hürrem. Did you really think his majesty couldn't be with other women?

Hürrem: This is impossible.

Two major beliefs of Mahidevran and Hürrem's characters come on the surface: they drive the dialogue and help the rest of the scene unfold the way it did. Mahidevran brushes off Hürrem's last statement and brings back tradition to the forefront, which begins to highlight a belief of hers that she shared with Valide, that there is a constant cycle in the harem that no one, not even Hürrem, is capable to entirely break. To Hürrem it's impossible for SS to ever have other women at this point, it's something unthinkable for her already. She feels she has fully broken that cycle.

This scene, unlike the confrontation in episode 58, has well done retroactive irony while serving the context of the episode it's in in a plausible enough way that doesn't seem showed in just for the sake of it. The context of the episode puts Hürrem in the right by showing Olga returning from SS's chambers almost immediately after Hürrem says: "This is impossible." and it's the place where this plot-line transitions to another one, leaving the rest of the confrontation to hang in the balance for a while. Maybe SS had truly given up taking other women ever since the wedding, as shown by this and SS refusing another concubine sent by Valide in the wedding episode.

However, we know that this stops being the case later on and whether it's through the decision to bring in yet another drama tool, yet another annoying stretched narrative opposition in the face of the concubine arcs, it's a fact and we could say that this scene ends up being a good enough framework to set us up for it, intentionally or not.

Mahidevran: Then why is there a concubine in his chamber?

Hürrem: What concubine? Maybe that one?

This, to me, is a demonstration of how the tables can turn in the harem at literally any moment. Meryem Uzerli's little amazing, subtle facial expression says it all. When Mahidevran asks the question, we see for a very split second that Hürrem's wondering how to refute her until the concubine appears in the heat of the argument due to sheer luck. Like, if she had already returned to her rooms before the scene occurred, it would've gone much differently! This isn't all that important here, but I love how Meryem showed a slight probability for Hürrem to lose the argument, which contrasts with all her confident remarks before and after this moment. It's just very neat stuff.

Hürrem: Many girls were introduced to his majesty. Among them, there was even a princess. Where are they now? Look around you. You will not see anyone but me.

Speaking of confident remarks, there comes another one of Hürrem's that no matter how many concubines came, they all went and now there is no one other than her. This line further sets a consistent trend of ambiguity, because she's right in the context of the episode and it encapsulates the resolution of these particular plot-lines of Hürrem and Süleiman in the season and we can get behind her words overall both in the arc and in rewatch, in spite of the retroactive irony, but she's wrong in that it's the end of her harem fights, very far from it, as season 3 and season 4 prove. She hasn't completely won yet, even though she sets the impression that she has.

What I also find interesting in this scene is the back and forth throwing of past - present - future between the two sides. They make a perfect showcase of what these characters represent, their states, their losses, their desires, their hopes, dreams and philosophies. Here, in example, Hürrem makes a reference to a part of her obstacles in the past, acknowledging that they were there regardless, but then she immediately goes back to the present with "Where are they now?". Nowhere in the scene she considered the possibilities of the future, the sheer probability that it all may change one day (as it happened, in many ways, through Firuze), focusing on the currently undeniable truth the present day presents.

That same throwing back and forth continues, but with another note which instantly places the two women against each other again:

Mahidevran: I was also loved once, Hürrem. Mustafa is the fruit of that love. Ask Gülfem Hatun if you want. She will tell you how much she suffered because of me.

Hürrem: You always tell this story.

Unlike Hürrem, who only references the past, Mahidevran laments it and takes pride in it, it being the highlight of her once beautiful life. But we know what went down afterwards, adding in the possibility that maybe, it would all be temporary and what one may have now, may change, because Mahidevran was also in Hürrem's position once. Hürrem however, calls out her fixation on the past, in a similar fashion to how she has done it before (E59: "Are you being proud of your past now? Let me remind you: You're still a slave."), what she had doesn't matter, it's the now that is important to Hürrem, which is a solid thematic note to her character arc.

Though, we have this line of dialogue in response:

We here notice that no matter how long it took for them to do it, Mahidevran and Hürrem actually had parallel arcs, in terms of letting go of the past. This line makes for such a striking revelation of Mahidevran's emotional state from her perspective that only continued what episode 46 hinted at and episode 55 directly started. (E55: "I ripped out the love I had of your father of my heart, I threw it into the sea! He doesn't matter to me anymore. Now you are the only one in my heart.") It's rather surprising that she says these words now - Mahidevran's rule of the harem is arguably her at her worst, doing what she does out of the last ounces of her wanting payback for the sad, bitter years. It's precisely what she lost that motivated her, that was a sure part of the reason she sent Olga to SS and yet, we have that honest confession, that grasp of acceptance. Mahidevran's battle with SS was lost very early on and it took her very slow and gradual development for her to accept it and by E61, she was doing the last steps to do so. She tries hard to convince Hürrem that no matter how hard she tries, there is a cycle in this harem that cannot be changed, Mahidevran has come to terms with it, so Hürrem has to do the same. In a way, she was probably trying to say that they both have been fighting a losing battle and she expresses a small amount of sympathy over it, too - she knows what it's like and it's hard, but it's like some unwritten law that it's not worth it in the end and that everyone gets affected by it, without exception. That's how she begins to look upon her present and show a hint of the future.

Out of the particular context, this line could be a very nice stronger endorsement of the franchise's themes, because, truly, no one ever got a good, triumphant, heroic ending. And it was like a cycle: everyone had to face the feelings of sorrow, grief and loss, everyone had to suffer in this time period, everyone dies. Gülfem called Hürrem's life a fairy tale in E134, but that "fairy tale" came to an end after her death. And if we leave that aside, there is hardly a breather episode even for the biggest of victories, no matter how many victories you've won, they would always "have their end", the narrative would always condemn them one way or another.

Mahidevran: One day a woman will appear and would destroy your indestructible love!

The future is finally put on the front with the scene overall and with Mahidevran herself. It's a continuation of her belief that Hürrem would be "detroned", regardless of all. Thing is, she also doesn't consider her own future, only the one of her rival's. She believes in her own victory that is opposed in the present, but would surely come in the future, a belief she holds until the end of the series. Even though I doubt the writers planned Firuze's existence right back then per say, this line sounds like such foreshadowing to her in retrospect, which makes Mahidevran both right and wrong with this quote. Firuze caused an actual continuous rift between Hürrem and Süleiman, making her doubt his love in ways she hadn't before. Nazenin comes into the picture, as well. But no one truly succeeds to properly destroy the love between Süleiman and Hürrem and they managed to prevail, despite of all the narrative opposition. She still stayed the most dear woman to SS's heart, no matter what. There is a slight possibility of Mahidevran judging the situation one hundred percent to herself here, claiming rather that the appearance of another woman would make Hürrem fall out of love with SS and destroy that, instead, just like it was with her, but since Mahidevran called the same line back during the Firuze episodes, I think she was referring to the rift Firuze would cause and how would Hü fall deeper and deeper.

Hürrem: Mahidevran, don't think of me as your equal.

This line is very telling in that Hürrem considers herself different than everyone else. It has always been a part of her character, perhaps a running reminder of her unprecedented elevation in the system she's telling us about through words. And most of the interpretations I've encountered of this line are exactly this: it is epic, badass, it is delivered in such a shading sassy way that could only be respected or applauded. However, it is just as possible for this infamous one-liner to be presented as the culmination of not only her persistent insistence to assert herself as different and special, but her continuous unwillingness to be compared to anyone else in the harem. And usually she's compared to guess who? Mahidevran. She doesn't want to even think of the possibility to be compared with her by this point (starting from E40 where after she was freed, she said: "Now I'm not equal to you." right to Mahidevran's face and continuing forward into S03 with: "I told you not to compare me to others, to Mahidevran never!" -it was something like that), but at first, which is now probably buried deep within, she feared becoming like Mahidevran. She repeated "I'm not Mahidevran!" when she was out of favor like with the Russian concubines, Mahidevran's words that she would make the same mistakes she did echoed in her head during the Isabella arc in episode 31 and earlier had a nightmare of Süleiman giving the emerald ring to Mahidevran instead of Hürrem in a completely parallel scene. (there's also the other nightmare where Mahidevran was taunting Hürrem to tell her about Leo.) Hürrem dreaded all of those things happening and tried her very best to avoid the very thoughts of it. Now, in a season nearly full of victories in her part, she had gained the belief that whatever happens, she'll always stand above the others. She wants to give off the vibe that no one would ever stop her. She has broken so many traditions and the narrative is currently rooted at her favor, all well and good, right? This line could be a mask, in a way, hiding the fear of being rejected just like the others (that doesn't completely disappear, seeing her suicide attempt in E72; also E106's menopause plot.) and striving to leave it behind her, now reaching its peak by putting not only Mahidevran, but the rest of the women into the picture, without a second of realization of the implications it causes, because well, who else was given such special attention by the Sultan? Who else was freed, who else had such a marriage, who else got out of death's door so many times, who else overcame everything, who else had a chance to "rain as fire" over all her enemies? Even though the quote applies on a much grander scale in execution, in later seasons and the way it got called back to in MCK, I feel, in this particular context, it refers to the harem and Süleiman specifically - his majesty doesn't need any other women, there is no such woman that could take away what Hürrem has and even if they stand together, they wouldn't stand a chance, because Hürrem is that massive and powerful.

The retroactive irony hits hard and here: she's right in the events of this particular episode, but the subsequent events definetly tell a different story. Hürrem's influence and power is acknowledged, especially in her last episodes, but that she's the only one capable of having such power is not necessarily true, given the existence of the SOW, some members of which reached more highs than she did, due to the evolving extent of power they could exercise in the system.

Mahidevran: Your arrogance will end you, Hürrem! One day when you're suffering in pain, I'll remind you this!

Hürrem: Mahidevran, you're not here anymore. You'll be leaving soon!

Mahidevran: You're not powerful enough for that!

The focus on the present and future is back with this quick, but substantial exchange. Mahidevran seems to count completely on what will happen in the future in the first line, while Hürrem accounts for both the present and the future, seemingly in accordance, and Mahidevran brings the confrontation back to the present, for what Hürrem talks about is currently unattainable. These lines look like a brief summary of what was established before about the beliefs of both characters: they both desire the end of one another - for Mahidevran it would happen eventually, because Hürrem would end herself in her eyes and Mahidevran would live for this moment and even witness it (and while she didn't witness it exactly, she lived and outlived them all, because there would be no death for her until they get what they deserve, a belief that carries on the strongest in season 4); for Hürrem it has already happened, but it would keep going, fueling her will to get rid of all her enemies and being in conjunction with the ongoing plot arc itself, for her attacking her enemies in all fronts in ways she hadn't before. The last line of Mahidevran's stops the dialogue between both of them for good (followed by Hürrem's smug grin), resting back on her current position, that is also how her whole set of dialogue began in the first place. Even though there was a hint of realization that she has been fighting a losing battle a while before, the part of hers that would prefer not going to the sanjack than give up now, is directly reflected on. It sets more of a parallel between how both of them are, because Mahidevran told Hürrem that arrogance would end her a few seconds ago, but now she's the one that demonstrates this same arrogance herself, starting to underestimate her own opponents yet again, simply because she rules the harem. Claiming that Hürrem doesn't have the power to send her to the sanjack by force, is true, actually, because Ibrahim interfered at the last moment, but this way Mahidevran seems to brush off Hürrem's victories completely, somehow convincing herself that she's forgotten how far has Hürrem gone and just like her rival, thinking of herself as unstoppable. (that goes on the season finale, too, where she says: "If you're powerful enough, face me by yourself!".) This attitude more or less cemented her downfall in this arc, as it would cement major flaws of Hürrem's in the future.

And then they're stopped by... Süleiman himself and I love that, because they have to stop because he comes, they have to stop because he's watching them and give him the necessary respect. Symbolically, it could be a showcase of him being the decider of everyone's fates and them having to accept his will at the end of the day.

And after he leaves, of course, Hürrem and Mahidevran prepare to carry on with their bickering, as they usually do. While that's the end of the whole confrontation, their expressions tell us it's not over yet.

It's particularly interesting, even as a confrontational scene alone: it's longer than many of the confrontational scenes between them, it speaks more volumes about the opposing sides than any other of the kind has dreamed to. While I love Mahidevran and Hürrem's chemistry, I wish there were more scenes like this one, more nuanced interactions than vitriol and constant, almost formulaic smackdowns. Because, to me, this whole confrontation, while simple at hindsight, raised the bar to what could we have had. The rivalry of the two ladies is fascinating on a thematic level and not exploring its depth further, would be a myriad of wasted opportunities.

This scene did right all you could think of: composition, soundtrack, attention to detail, chemistry, dialogue and opposing two sides on a respectful, unbiased, while narratively provoked, way. I adore the way it aged: as I said, it created a perfect blend between context of the episode/plot arc and retroactive irony and the mix of cause and effect of soapy intrigues, character exploration through lines and all the coming thematic stuff, while being filled with dynamic and fun energy. And it's absolutely sublime for it.

#i planned to only use images at first #but since Tumblr now allows only up to 10 #I had to quote most stuff #magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl #mahidevran sultan #hurrem sultan

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alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom · 3 years

Text

Chapter VI: Blurry truth

This moodboard is just woww! Thank you to the moodboard-goddess @flowers-in-your-hayr.

a/n: This is the last and also the longest chapter.I want to thank everyone who read, liked and reblogged Hidden Desires. It was my first time writing and I really enjoyed it. THANK YOU so much for the great feedback, that motivates me a lot.

Pairing: ALEX x Reader x MARCO

Spotify: Kiana Ledé & Jacquees- Only Fan

Words: 5541 (omg, I hope you read it anyway haha)

Warnings: fluff, jealousy, smut & dom/sub in the middle, again fluff and a lot of sadness in the end.

Tags: @heavenly1927 @ivarhoegh

Chapter I - Chapter II - Chapter III - Chapter IV - Chapter V

Summary:

Marco disappoints you again, Alex takes advantage of the situation and you doubt if you really know them. Will you give them another chance or leave Denmark forever?

You had your last day of work before your holidays and could leave earlier. You were very happy because you knew that the boys would also have free time the next week. You were hoping for a trip through Denmark.

You nervous and opened the apartment door, excited about their reactions.

"Hej, surprise, surprise, I'm at home." You said almosr singing it. You immediately noticed the beautifully set table. The white candles and gold-colored cutlery sprayed a romantic touch. The boys are usually very simple and plain, so this creativity really impressed you.

"Elskede, how nice that you are already here." Alex came out of his room. He always kissed you so soulfully, even when the kisses were short. You hugged him and put your arms around his neck and looked into his blue eyes, which enchanted you every time. He pressed your hip against his and rocked you slightly.

"I missed you. The table is so nicely decorated...-” You started but were interrupted.

"Hey Y / N, I didn't even know you'd come so early." It was a female familiar voice. Alex rolled his eyes and was clearly annoyed. You turned your head slightly and saw her from the corner of your eye. Clara. You were seething with anger. She was like a fly that keeps coming and you can't get rid of it.

"So nice that you can celebrate with us." She offered you a champagne.

"Thank you" You accepted the glass out of politeness.

"And what do we have to celebrate?" You asked confused and had to force yourself to smile.

" Our engagement, of course." You raised your eyebrow and had absolutely no clue what she meant. But you pretended you did, because you wanted to know what she had to say.

"Oh, exactly your engagement" Alex giggled. Your fake smile went away when you looked into Marco's face. He saw your anger, but didn't comment on anything.

,, Marco said he had already told you two about that. Don't you dear?” She looked at Marco with full conviction. You would have loved to tell her the whole truth and tell her what an asshole he is, but you kept silent and kept lying.

"I must have forgotten, I'm sorry. I congratulate you on your engagement. It's a shame I didn't notice anything about your deep deep love. But…you don't always have to be able to see everything. or not Marco?” You put particular emphasis on the word anything Your gaze was full of irony and you wanted to embarrass him.

Alex patted his shoulder and grinned. "You finally made the right decision, brother. Now everyone has what is theirs." Alex seemed to be enjoying the situation. He realized that your relationship with Marco was finally over. It was never the intention that Marco would fall in love with you. You put your hand on Clara's upper arm but kept distance.

“I wish you the best. But be careful sweetie, you know how charming our boys are. That would be tragic if he suddenly has another girlfriend and you don't even notice it.” You wink.

“I'm very lucky with Alex. He never lied and was always loyal.” You cuddled up to him and stroked his chest.

"I love you so much elskede" You kissed him deliberately, slowly and long, so that Marco sees it.

"I think we should sit down and eat." Marco felt uncomfortable and wanted to change the subject of conversation.

The mood was tense throughout the evening and Alex couldn't stand Clara talking anymore. He never liked her. Her childlike behavior annoyed you too.

Alex slid backwards with the chair and patted his thigh. "Elskede come and sit on my lap, I miss you when you sit so far away." You didn't have to think about the answer. Alex put one hand on your butt cheek and the other hand slipped under your skirt and placed it on your thigh.

,,So Clara you could stay here for the next few days. Y / N and I will go to see my parents tomorrow. " Alex smiled at you and stroked your cheek.

“I want to introduce them to this wonderful woman, my woman" He kissed you and his tongue gently brushed your lip. You didn't know anything about this plan, but the idea was great. Marco looked frustrated. He knew if his parents met you, you would become part of his family. And he ... he would lose you forever.

"You didn't tell me anything about your trip" He said briskly to Alex.

"It's not that relevant. We just tell each other the important things, right brother?” Alex looked at him angrily because he didn't know about the engagement either. Also, because Marco has never mentioned her lately. He didn't even know they were still together and now they are suddenly engaged. Alex looked at you like you were a goddess.

"I hope you are happy to see them too, elskede"

"It would be an honor." The joy could be seen in your face. For the first time you had the feeling that Alex was really serious about your relationship.

"Let's go into your room, I want to prepare my things for tomorrow and choose my clothes.” You drew circles on his chest with your finger and your gaze was directed to his crotch.

“Maybe we can spend a little more intimate time together.” Your hand slowly slid down his abs and your teeth sank gently into your lip.

"Can you remember the surprise when you blindfolded me? Maybe you can show me more of it." Your hand slipped under his shirt. It was a long time since you last felt his warm skin.

“Maybe you can tell me more about Ivar. I heard he is dominant and a little rude." Your lips were like magnets that attracted each other.

"He is much more than that" He whispered into your mouth. Clara moved closer to Marco.

"That seemed to have been a great surprise.”

“Oh yes, it was. It was very intense, I liked it. But Alex was definitely the best part of the whole surprise, I assure you sweetie." You looked briefly at Marco and noticed how he actually wanted to say something, but he couldn't.

"Honey, ask Alex what surprise that was, I want one too." She looked at him hopefully.

"Oh Marco knows exactly what surprise it was. He was there. You could really do that brother. You know how it works and you can definitely do it without me." You had to pull yourself together so that you didn't start laughing. Marco noticed exactly how malicious you were but did not allow himself to be provoked. You got up and leaned against the edge of the table.

“Let's go and leave them alone" You pulled his hand to make him stand up. He stood in front of you and and spread your legs with his thighs. Your skirt slid up. He grabbed your ass cheeks. He wanted to pick you up and carry you into the room.

"I think we should eat the cake now." Called Marco to stop him.

"I have another better candy in my room." Alex didn't look away from you and bit your lip. You had to giggle.

"We don't mean to be rude. Let's share a piece, okay?" You took the plate that Marco gave you. Your finger ran over the cream and made sure that Marco is watching you. Your lips wrapped around your finger licked the cream off.

"This taste reminds me of something." You said provocatively. Alex wanted to kiss the cream that fell on your thigh away, but you lifted his chin and rejected him.

"Not here, I can do it myself, thank you elskede".

You walked to the kitchen where Marco was standing. You hiked your skirt up and stretched your leg forward so that he could see your black lace panties and slowly wiped the drop away. You let your skirt down again and went close to his face, almost like you wanted to kiss him.

"You like to watch when I touch myself or not?" You whispered and touched his earlobes with your lips. You walked back to Alex and took him by the hand without a word and pulled him into the bedroom. You thought about whether you should close the door or whether you should leave a crack open. But you wanted to enjoy the time with Alex alone, so you closed it. You pushed him and he fell on the bed. You let your clothes slowly flow over your skin onto the floor. You removed your hair clip and your hair fell over your shoulder, lightly covering your nipples. Alex propped himself up on his elbows and admired your beautiful curves.

"So dear Ivar, show me your skills". You said demanding.

"Lie down here." He patted lightly on the middle of the bed.

"Put your arms up and stretch your legs" You followed all of his orders. He pressed his knees between your thighs. He took off his shirt and undid his zipper. You splayed your hands across his abs, feeling every single muscle. He lay down on you and pinned your wrists against the mattress.

"I said you should keep your arms up". He said firmly. His hand slid down your arm across your breasts and over your navel. He bypassed your pussy and touched your inner thighs. He reached around the back of your knee and knelt up your leg. You automatically lift your other leg and hooked both around his hip. He put his hand on your neck and gently choked you. His lips touched yours, but he didn't kiss you.

"Did I tell you to lift your leg?" He whispered against your lips. You tried to shake your head, but you couldn't.

"Lie face down and keep your arms up" You obey his orders without contradiction. Your pussy started to tingle. Not knowing what he was going to do, turned you on.He took your hair aside away from your face, so he could see your expressions. His warm skin on your naked back felt like a blanket.

"Say my name, slave!" His lips brushed your ear.

"Ivar" You mumbled against the pillow.

"Ivar what?” He said in a stern voice.

"My king Ivar"

“Good girl" He liked the way you submitted.He marked a trail of kisses on your back and bit your ass cheek. The slight pain made you moan briefly. Alex took off his pants and lay naked on top of you. His tongue ran over the back of your neck while his cock slide slowly up and down between your ass cheeks. You wanted it to slide into your pussy, so you lifted your ass up. Alex pulled your hair with one hand so that your face rose from the pillow.

"Are you disobedient again?"

"Fuck me". You begged him. He got off you and you thought it was over. You really wanted to have sex after the drama with Marco. You turned around and try to convince him, but he was faster. You felt the force of his hands on your ankles. He pulled you down until you were bent over the edge of the bed. You trusted him completely, so you were only frightened for a short moment and then immediately relaxed again.

“Now I have to punish you, slave” He knelt behind you and slapped your right butt. Your adrenaline level rose. He stroked your pussy with his cock and only sank the head of his dick into you. You closed your eyes and got goose bumps when it touched your entrance. You would cum quickly if his cock touched your walls. He wanted to tease you but actually he also teased himself. Alex bit back his moans every time when he felt your wet pussy. You tilted your head to one side, but he didn't see you. His gaze was directed up to the ceiling. He closed his eyes and bite his lower lip to control himself, at the same time he pressed his fingertips against your hip. You lowered your head and felt the tension in your muscles even more, it was so strong that it almost hurt. You just wanted to feel him, now, right now. You pressed your ass against his hip and his cock disappeared into your body, Alex groaned briefly but intensely. He held your hip firmly so that you couldn't bounce.

"I know you want that too." You reached under his palms and took his hands away from your body. He hardly gave any resistance. You knew if you stayed in this position, he would keep control of your movements. You turned around and pulled him back onto the bed. He leaned against the headboard and rubbed his dick. You crawled on the bed until you sat on his lap. You moaned at the same time as his cock stretched your walls and you began to ride him slowly. You hold on to his shoulders and tried to set a rhythm. You got warm and started to sweat but you didn’t care. Your ass cheeks pounded on his thighs and your pussy pulsed. Shock waves hit your body and you cried out his name like you never did before. You tried to keep the pace to made Alex cum too. You raked with one hand through his hair and felt his hard breathing on your throat. Your legs started shivering and you were slowly getting dizzy. His hands on your waist helped you keep the speed. His tongue brushed your hard nipples and you noticed how his moan got louder.

"I'm cuming" He mumbled softly against your chest and you increased the pace. He flooded himself into you. Your knees were already grazed and hurt a little. You stopped moving. He leaned his head on your chest and gave you a little kiss. You stroked the back of his head and gave him the kiss back.

You got off him and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Where are you going? Come back here!" He patted his chest muscle.

"I'm all sweaty" You were ashamed.

"I don't mind, get here immediately and show me that you love me too." He grinned and held out his hand.You lay down again with your head on his chest as he wanted. You were tired even though it wasn't late. You could have fallen asleep easily, but there was something you had to talk about.

"Can I ask you something?” You stopped caressing him.

“Yes of course, always” He was still drawing circles with his fingers on the back of your hand.

“Did you plan the trip to your parents in advance? Or did you decide that spontaneously today?" You were very happy about the idea, but at the same time it made you feel as if Alex only wanted to take revenge on Marco. It confused you and you needed to clarify it. You didn't want to stand between them and even less be the reason for arguing.

"You know, I've thought about this several times, but I never dared to ask you, because of Marco. I didn't want to be rejected, so i didn't bring it up. I already told my parents about you when you were in Copenhagen for the first time and they keep asking for you too. Marco is my best friend, but you belong to me and I don't want to share you anymore. I want you to be happy and I want to be the one who makes you happy.” A tear ran down your cheek and you were just speechless.

Alex noticed the silence.

"Hey elskede, why are you crying?" He wiped away the tear with his thumb and kissed your forehead.

“I love you” You were touched by his honesty. Would your relationship have been different if Marco hadn't been there? How would it have been if you hadn't had sex with Marco? You remembered as Alex looked you in the eyes for the first time, you were immediately enchanted by those piercing blue eyes and after the first kiss you felt a firework of emotions. You just never admit your feelings. Maybe the situation with Marco blinded you, maybe… But now…you were quite sure…Alex is the man you love, and nobody will be able to change that.

"I love you too" You smirked, and it went quiet for a few seconds.

"Ah elskede, one more thing…” You looked up at him.

“That was a very gentle and empathic Ivar" You giggled.

********

His parents lived in a small village outside of Copenhagen. The way there wasn't too long, but you got up early because you decided to have breakfast out. You already knew Marco's trick. As soon as you are alone, he would jump at you like a hungry lion. You didn't feel like seeing him, nor did you want to hear his excuses again. Alex couldn't stand Clara anyway, so you left the apartment quickly.

You arrived at your favorite coffee house. You always got your caramel-chocolate capuccino there before your shifts.

"I think we should move in together; we should have an apartment to ourselves. We could live a little closer to the hospital. The airport would also be closer." Alex commented with his mouth full.

"You know apartments are more expensive in this area, but we could have a look at a few when we get back, if you want to" You were a little skeptical, but it would be the best you could do to strengthen your relationship.

"Elskede, I've been crawling in the mud for years now and I didn’t do it because I was bored and you have one of the best paid jobs in Denmark. You know we can afford it". He raised his eyebrow and hoped you meant that as a joke.

You were never cocky, on the contrary, you were humble before you met him and wanted to stay that way. You were proud of Alex and what he had achieved, but you never bragged. There were few people around you who knew who your boyfriend was and that was on purpose.

Alex paid the bill, just like he always did when you were out together. You got in the car and drove off. You drove through a cute village with small brown houses as he slowed down.

"Our house is up there." Your heart was pounding and your ears whizzed. He parked in front of the entrance and got out. Since you arrived, he couldn't stop grinning, his joy was huge. Alex opened the car door for you. Your legs felt like jelly and you didn't dare to get out. You were sweating even though a cool wind was blowing.

"Come on elskede, they don't bite." He held out his hand to you.

"Oh, my boy, haven't seen you in so long." His mother came out of the house, she saw you through the window. She hugged him tightly and gave him a kiss on his cheek. You didn't know how to greet her, so you remained silent and waited for her to speak to you.

“Mom, this is Y/N.” He spoke in Danish, but that didn't intimidate you. You took his hand and got out of the car. You saw in her face how she considered whether she should speak English to you.

"We usually speak English, but if you speak slowly, she understands Danish very well.” She looked relieved. She hugged you and welcomed you. Your hands were still shaking and sweaty. She accompanied you into the house and you met his dad too. A very warm man with a lot of charisma. Now you knew where Alex inherited it from. Alex took the bag from your hand and carried the suitcases inside. His sister wasn't home. You felt good and your nervousness slowly disappeared. Alex went to his room to deposit the bags and you followed him. You were still too shy to stay alone in a room with his parents. There were a few photos on his desk when he was younger. Always these beautiful blue eyes, you thought.

"How long are we going to stay here?"

"Do you want to go again? Don't you like it?" He grabbed your chin and stroked it with his thumb. He looked sad.

"No, not at all, I didn't mean that. I want to see everything. Where you went to school, where your favorite places are, just everything." You approach him without leaving a centimeter free between you, your lips almost kissed.

"I told my best friend that we would be arriving today. He has invited us to his place tonight. What do you think?" He grinned at you.

"We'll be there. I love you." You gave him a quick kiss before you heard his mom calling.

"The meal will be ready soon." Your lips almost kissed. You went the stairs down. Alex was holding your hand, but you weren't too comfortable with it, so pulled it away before they could see it.

"It smells lovely, thank you for having me" You smiled at her. You all sat at the table together and you got a little homesick. You missed your family and your friends, but the warmth of his family covered that feeling for a brief moment.

"And how do you like Vikings?" She asked and was curious about your answer.

"So ... uhm ... shall I be honest?" You looked at Alex. You were hoping for a sign from him, but he was only focused on his food.

"I only watched a few episodes.” You blushed.

“But Alex told me what the series is about." You commented and hoped that they are not disappointed. You wanted to make a good impression, but you didn't seem to succeed.

"Really? So, you don't know him because of the show?" She seemed surprised.

"No. Maybe I really have to watch the series."

"You have to know that he kisses other women on the series. So, if you get jealous you have to skip those episodes." Her honesty intimidated you. You knew from Alex that his previous girlfriend couldn't handle his fame and they often argued because of it.

"I think I should get through that; we didn't know each other at that time." You said confidently. Alex told them, how you met each other and how you emigrated to Denmark. Of course, he skipped the Marco-part.

His dad patted Alex's shoulder. "She is a tough woman. I like her." You blushed.

The conversation was cut off by Alex's phone. You were relieved because his mom's questions made you more and more nervous. They got more personal and you didn't want to say anything inappropriate.

"I said we'd be there in an hour, is that okay for you?" asked Alex, who had previously spoken to his best friend on the phone.

"Yes sure." You hadn't heard Alex speak Danish very often, only when he was alone with Marco. Hear him speak longer sounded very erotic. His voice was just perfect for this language.

"Maybe from now on we should always speak Danish, even when we get home.” You were ready to fully integrate into the culture, you wanted to feel like a Dane and act like a Dane.It would probably be weird at the beginning, but Alex seemed enthused about it and that made you feel good.

You helped clear the table and clean up the kitchen. His father stood with you at the sink. He put the clean glass in the cupboard and stepped closer to you.

"You are always welcome here, consider us as your second family. Alex is a good man, treat him well." He spoke in a low voice. It seemed important to him to tell you that in private. You looked into his eyes and realized that Alex means a lot to him. A tear gathered on the edge of your eyelid.

"Tusind tak..." Your voice was suppressed by your emotions so you couldn't pronounce it clearly.

"Elskede, are you ready, shall we go?" His father smiled at you one last time. You took a deep breath, nodded slightly and left.

"Have fun and drive carefully." His mom stroked Alex’s back and closed the door behind you.

******

Alex had such a big smile on his face when he saw him standing at the front door. He got out and they hopped towards each other. They hadn't seen each other in months. You didn't dare to join them, so you leaned against the car door and waited.

"Heeey, who is that?" He leaned back slightly. He patted Alex hard on the shoulder once, that made him take a lunge.

"That's Y / N, my girlfriend" He waves for you to go over to him.

"She's really hot, good choice"

"Nice to meet you". You shook his hand and ignored what he said.

"Dude, why don't you tell me that she understands Danish." He said grumpily to Alex."I'm sorry for my rudeness, my lady, please come in." Alex laughed. "He has always been a very honest person". Alex put his hand on your hip and let you go first.You sat on the sofa and he brought beer. You're going to drive back, so you just drank a coke. You didn't say that much during the evening because they talked about video games or about other friends you didn't know or about things from the past."Let's have a cigarette." Suggested his friend. Alex was a casual smoker, so he went with him on the balcony. You didn't like the smell, so you went to the bathroom. You didn't hurry, so you checked your cell phone and saw a message from Marco."I know you're mad, but I can explain it. Everything I've told you is true, please believe me." You deleted the message without replying and walked out of the bathroom.

You went back the corridor and noticed the beautiful pictures on the walls. The drawings were silhouettes of naked women. You stop at each picture to look closely; they were very aesthetic. The guys hadn't closed the balcony door completely so you could overhear the conversation, while admiring these pictures.

"... maybe; but believe me she's not the right one. I know you Alex. Talk to Alicia againand the problem will be resolved. Alicia loves you, she was here once and asked for you.” Your heart started pounding, and you didn't want to believe what you heard. You were frozen and couldn't move or say anything. Tears ran down your cheeks without you being able to control. You felt a pain in your chest and a pressure in your stomach. You were determined to confront Alex with it, but when you stood in the room and saw them outside, you got scared. You tried to listen carefully again.

"You once told me that your kisses on set were real. Then go and show her that." His friend continued to encourage him.

It got worse and worse with every word. You took your jacket and ran out of the house. You don't know where to go but you just wanted to get away. A bus drove to the bus stop. Maybe that was a sign.

You got in and bought a ticket back to his parents' house to pack your things. Your eyes were red from crying and your scarf was wet from the dripping tears. The knot in the throat kept pressing and you felt like you were suffocating. You rang the doorbell and hoped that they wouldn't ask any questions.

"Hej Y/N, come in, where is Alex?" His mom asked surprised and looked over your shoulder.

"He's not there. May I go into the room for a moment?" You answer briefly without looking her in the eye. She took a step to the side to let you in. You quickly tossed your clothes in your bag and walked back down the stairs.

"I thank you so much for your hospitality, I felt very comfortable. It was an honor meet you." The tears in the eyes made you see blurred. You remembered his father's words and worried about what he would think now.

"But dear, where are you going? What happened? Why are you crying?" His mom stroked your arm and was concerned about your miserable emotional condition.

"It's time to go back home…my real home." She knew immediately what you meant.

You went out and looked back one more time. Her sad face made you intensify your feelings and feel worse. A taxi picked you up and drove to Alex's apartment. Fortunately, you had the key in your handbag. You went in and tried to ignore Marco, who was having sex with Clara on the sofa. You packed the rest of your things. Marco followed you through the apartment and tried to stop you, but you didn't want to talk to anyone. You left the keys on the kitchen table and closed the door behind you.

You wanted to get to the airport quickly, so you paid the taxi driver to wait for you. On the way there, you tried to cover up your grief with make-up. Your fingers feel paralyzed, you couldn't hold the brush properly.

You were standing at the check-in when Alex tried to call you for the fourth time, you ignored every single call, but he kept trying. You passed the passport control and you knew it was over now. It was a good time in Denmark, but you couldn't take it anymore. They both lied to you, several times. You never loved anyone like you loved Alex, but you just seemed to be his time- waster to forget Alicia.

Someone knocked loud on the glass partition. Since everyone was looking there, you had to turn around too to see what was going on.

“Y / N don't go! Please come back! Y / N! I love you! Do not get on the plane!”. It was Alex. He knocked the pane so hard that it could easily break in. It was difficult for you to just walk away and ignore him. The desperation on his face could not be overlooked. You sat down in the waiting area in front of your gate and watched how he tried to gain access to you. But it didn't seem to work. He argued loudly with the security guard and saw how he often pointed to the departure screen and tried to explain something to him.

The man stayed relaxed and that seemed to work.

He went up to you. “Excuse me ma’am. There is someone who needs to talk to you urgently. He said he won't calm down until you go to him. Do you know this man?" You didn't want to attract more attention and followed the security guard.

"What are you doing? Where are you going? Why are you leaving me?" He wanted to take your hands, but you pulled them away.

"Ask Alicia". You said it callously. You wanted to start crying again but you had cried so much before that you didn't have a tear to spare.

"Forget what he said. He likes Alicia, that's true. But HE likes her, not me. Yes, we had a relationship during the shoots, but that's history. I don't have any feelings for her anymore. She wanted to be with me again, but I didn't want to. Believe me, if I had wanted that, I would have done it a long time ago. " He wanted to stroke your cheek, but you turned your head away. You didn't want to be blinded by lies again.

“Well she’s still asking for you”. You insisted.

“Yes and after that she fucked with him.”

"When I saw you in the pub for the first time, I immediately had the feeling that you were special. There was another completely empty table that night, but I wanted to sit next to you. If you get on that plane now, I'll follow you. I'll go to the counter and buy a flight ticket. And if I have to sit on the floor, I'll fly with you. I can't let you take my heart with you. I love you. Please, we can build a new life together." He held back a tear and it was the first time you saw him cry.

He took your hand and bowed his head. "Please.." He said weakly as his tear fell on your hand.

You turned away from him and took your suitcase and Alex realized how you had made up your mind. He covered his face with his hands so that no one could see his sadness.

You took Alex’s hand to look into his icy blue eyes. “Let’s go home.” You squeezed his hand and he understood that you will never let him go again.

#ivar ragnarsson #ivar the boneless #alex hogh andersen #alex&marco #alex høgh #vikings #hbovikings #marco ilsø #hvitserk ragnarsson #hvitserk #ivar #ivar imagine #fanfiction #alex høgh andersen #alex hoegh andersen

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thecoleopterawithana · 4 years

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"I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted" I think this quote is so telling but I haven't seen much commentary on it. Do you have any particular thoughts? It seems to put John in a very sad light. And to me it's one of his most revealingly repressed-gay quotes, but maybe there's another way to interpret & I'm overstepping.

Hello there, dear anon!

I hope you’re still around to see this! As usual, I’ve taken an appalling amount of time answering this thought-provoking ask. However, in this instance, that “appalling amount of time” is probably over a year; a new record for me. Wherever you are now, I hope you are well, and if my ramblings don’t reach you, may they interest others.

I also have to admit that at the time I received this ask, I was most likely not equipped to understand all the layers of meaning in this sentence. And it’d be quite presumptuous of me to assume that I am completely prepared now. But let’s just hope that my ability to perceive their nuances has grown since then, and will continue to do so in the future.

Needless to say, this is only my current interpretation, and I welcome any commentaries that will help broaden it! (And please don’t fret for a second about offering your own interpretation and somehow “overstepping”; we’re all just having a decades-spanning conversation here.)

Now, on with your question.

First, let’s integrate that sentence in its full quote:

Q: So, John. You and Paul were probably the greatest songwriting team in a generation. And you had this huge falling out. Were there always huge differences between you and Paul, or was there a time when you had a lot in common?

JOHN: Well, Paul always wanted the home life, you see. He liked it with daddy and the brother… and obviously missed his mother. […]

JOHN: So it was always the family thing, you see. If Jane [Asher] was to have a career, then that’s not going to be a cozy family, is it? All the other girls were just groupies mainly. And with Linda not only did he have a ready-made family, but she knows what he wants, obviously, and has given it to him. The complete family life. He’s in Scotland. He told me he doesn’t like English cities anymore. So that’s how it is.

Q: So you think with Linda he’s found what he wanted?

JOHN: I guess so. I guess so. I just don’t understand. I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted. I knew I wanted something intelligent or something arty. But you don’t really know what you want until you find it. So anyway, I was very surprised with Linda. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d married Jane (Asher) because it had been going on for a long time and they went through a whole ordinary love scene. But with Linda it was just like – boom! She was in and that was the end of it.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Peter McCabe and Robert Schonfeld, at St. Regis Hotel, New York City (5 September 1971).

So, the interviewer inquires about their differences and similarities during the relationship, probably to assess the pervasiveness of the clashes that supposedly led to the “huge falling out” in “the greatest songwriting team in a generation.”

And John answers that “Paul always wanted the home life.”

At first glance, and following the logic of what was asked, one might assume John was pointing to a difference that always existed between them. And an irreconcilable difference at that, given that it’s the first thing he points out in answer to a question that is probing for sources of conflict that might explain their falling out.

So we get a feeling that John saw Paul having a family as incompatible with Paul maintaining a partnership with him. They were mutually exclusive; thus, Paul getting a family resulted in a falling out between them.

That right there carries a lot of implications already.

Because John himself also wanted the “complete family life”:

Q: But with that much experience behind you, now, would you like to have more children?

JOHN: Yeah, I – as – as many as come, you know. If Lennon roll out, as they. [thoughtful] I like large families. The idea of it.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Brian Matthew (13 November 1965).

And we shouldn’t take his disappointment with the suburban life in Weybridge as proof that he’d given up on that fantasy. It’s all about the circumstances, in the end; who you’re sharing your dream with.

After all, Yoko herself came with a “ready-made family”: a six-year-old daughter named Kyoko, who she was fighting to get the custody of, after divorcing the father, Anthony Cox, in February 1969; by then John and Yoko would even have a baby of their own.

This would all eventually fall through, as Yoko suffered a miscarriage in late November 1968, and Cox would disappear with Kyoko in 1971. Yoko would not see her daughter again until almost three decades later.

So you could see how John could have felt resentful of the family life Paul had built. Always perfect mirror images, Paul was living the dream, while John’s turned into a nightmare.

But with John, the situation is always doubly complicated. Because if he was often envious of Paul, John was also jealous. Note that “envy is when you want what someone else has, but jealousy is when you’re worried someone’s trying to take what you have.”

So we have to go back to his first answer. We’ve established that wanting “the complete family life” was something they had in common rather than something they differed in.

But Paul wanting a family is still presented here as a reason for their falling out, or at least tangentially related. And John goes on to present his theory about how Paul’s choice in life partner was based on who could provide that for him. It wouldn’t be the career-focused Jane, or the inconsequential groupies.

And it couldn’t be John himself.

We should also note that, in answer to the second question, it is made clear that John’s previous declarations were but a retrospective interpretation of what happened. As he goes on to admit, at the time, John was surprised by Paul marrying Linda instead of Jane.

And that is how we finally get to the sentence in question:

“I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted.”

A possible first layer of meaning is what I’m guessing you meant by this being “one of his most revealingly repressed-gay quotes.”

1. The emphasis being placed on John never knowing what he wanted in a woman, and thus not being able to know what Paul would find more desirable in a wife.

He does go on to use admittedly questionable pronouns: “I knew I wanted something intelligent or something arty.” It happened in other instances in this interview:

I just realized that [Yoko] knew everything I knew, and more, probably, and it was coming out of a woman’s head. It just sort of bowled me over, you know? And it was like finding gold or something. To find somebody that you can go and get pissed with, and have exactly the same relationship as any mate in Liverpool you’d ever had, but also you could go to bed with him, and it could stroke your head when you felt tired, or sick, or depressed. It could also be Mother. And obviously, that’s what the male-female – you know, you could take those roles with each other.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Peter McCabe and Robert Schonfeld, at St. Regis Hotel, New York City (5 September 1971).

So one could see how, at this time, John was struggling to manage the differences between male and female partners. As Cynthia put it:

I think he was trying to find himself a… what he’d call a soulmate. Someone who had as mad ideas as he had. I think he felt that she had the talent… but that’s debatable. But he needed that— he didn’t need a ‘mumsie’ partner at that point. He needed a mate. And I think he actually said, at some stage, in an interview that, you know— She’s the nearest thing to a man — a mate; man — that he’s ever had in a woman.

— Cynthia Lennon, interviewed by Alex Belfield for BBC Radio (2006).

Another angle that I find curious is:

2. The parallel drawn between Linda’s knowledge of Paul’s wants (and her ability to satisfy them) versus John’s.

“[Linda] knows what he wants, obviously, and has given it to him.” / “I never knew what he wanted”

This one integrates a theme I’ve been interested in exploring recently: their epistemology of each other. Basically, assumptions of knowledge; when it works out and when it doesn’t.

1968: I wonder should I call you but I know what you would do

JOHN: Well, [‘How Do You Sleep’]’s an answer, you know? Paul, uh, personally doesn’t feel as though I insulted him or anything. ’Cause I had dinner with him last week, and he was quite happy.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Mike Douglas on The Mike Douglas Show (12 February 1972).

1973: And I know just how you feel / And I know now what I have done / And I know and I’m guilty (yes I am) / But I never could read your mind

In this specific case, he could be humbly admitting he never knew what Paul wanted. But another possible reading of the sentence is the exact opposite:

3. The assumption that they were so connected, so much like a single entity, that to know himself was to know Paul. That their wants and needs are aligned, and what John wants must be what Paul wants.

I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted.

1967: I am he / As you are he / As you are me / And we are all together

1969: I know you, you know me

The mirror image of this interpretation would be Paul’s own thought-provoking declarations:

[T]he Beatle thing is over. It has been exploded, partly by what we have done, and partly by other people. We are individuals— all different. John married Yoko, I married Linda. We didn’t marry the same girl.

— Paul McCartney, for Life Magazine (7 November 1969).

Q: Will Paul and Linda become John and Yoko?

PAUL: No, they will become Paul and Linda.

— McCartney press release (9 April 1970).

And finally, I believe another very important facet expressed in this sentence is:

4. The theme of John not knowing what he wants for himself.

I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted. […] But you don’t really know what you want until you find it.

This is a sentiment that John has expressed before.

JOHN: Weybridge won’t do at all. I’m just stopping at it […] I think of it every day — me in my Hansel and Gretel house. I’ll take my time; I’ll get my real house when I know what I want. You see there’s something else I’m going to do, something I must do — only I don’t know what it is. That’s why I go round painting and taping and drawing and writing and that, because it may be one of them. All I know is, this isn’t it for me.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Maureen Cleave for the London Evening Standard (4 March 1966).

JOHN: I think, in one way, all of us were under the slight illusion that we might— or maybe it wasn’t an illusion and maybe had we pushed harder we would have got what we wanted, but I’m not sure that anybody really knew what we wanted. We knew we didn’t like what was happening but nobody quite knew what it was that we wanted, cus we’d never had it!

This is another very fascinating avenue I’ve been wondering about.

John Lennon, the Dreamer, not actually knowing how that dream would manifest. Him having a vague romantic idea of what he wanted, but not really knowing how to practically bring it about.

[Imagine here a whole essay of John versus Paul in the studio, and their contrasting abilities to materialize the sounds they heard in their head and turn them into something that others could experience with them.]

In conclusion, these are about all the potential levels of nuance I can read in John’s statement at the moment. All of them fascinating and worth exploring. So I’m truly grateful to you for giving me the perfect opportunity to do so.

It would fill me with joy to have this conversation continued with all who feel like adding their own perspectives to it!

#asks me why #i never knew what he wanted in a woman because i never knew what i wanted #it's like a marriage #wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine #I'm just a jealous guy #and if i say i really knew you well #i know you you know me #you may say i'm a dreamer #the person i actually picked as my partner #johnny #macca #linda #yoko ono #Cynthia #3rd verse #1971 #quote #meta

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