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crystallizedkingdoms · 1 year

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Tuning

WOAHH… it’s Johann Appreciation Week! again! can you believe it… my third year participating! wooo :3 @johann-appreciation-week

also you can read this on ao3 <3

Johann and the Voidfish were not always in tune with each other. Much like any of the instruments Johann has at his disposal, it took quite a while for him to finetune their transactional relationship. Over a year, actually; a fact that makes Johann a little bitter. He’s always worked so hard to adjust his works, after all.

The first time Johann witnessed the Voidfish in its tank, a swirl of stars and galaxies in its expansive bell and tentacles, he felt a little overwhelmed. It was a massive, fascinating creature that Johann wondered if it was even part of this world… and the Director thought he could just feed it? With his music? Sure, he’s the one who took up the job without really asking much, that’s his fault, but Johann felt a lot more out of his element than he anticipated as he stood right in front of such a wonder.

“Uh. Okay, just to make sure I have this down correctly. So I just… write up a composition.”

The Director nodded her head.

“Then I pop it in the canister thing.”

“Yes, you pop it in.” The Director sighed with a hint of frustration, softened only by the small smile on her face.

“And it eats it? I just, um, I don’t think I get that part. How am I supposed to know if it likes it? Does it have, like, nutritional value? Like, hm. What if I give it something I don’t like and it tries to kill me about it?” Johann asks.

The Director let out one of her laughs where Johann couldn’t tell if it was genuine or fake. A soft exhale and a shake of her shoulders, but that same exhausted demeanor to her. She elaborated, “Johann, I can assure you once again that this creature is incapable of harming you. I’ve already stated that I will be here for your first couple feedings, to gauge its reaction and for your own comfort. There are many things to worry about now that you have taken this job. This is not one of them.”

Johann stared at the Director for a few seconds, analyzing her face before he turned to the jellyfish in front of him. He tightened his grip on the bag slung across this shoulder, full to the brim with writing supplies and past compositions that the Director had asked him to bring. Sure, whatever, Johann was fine with dying in front of an audience. A performer’s dream.

Johann shuffled around in his bag, searching for something he won’t miss much. Not that it was bad or anything (despite Lucretia’s reassurance, Johann did not want to make a bad first impression), just something he thinks he can live without. He took out one of the thicker scrolls he had, one that had a rougher texture to its parchment than the others. Just from touch alone he knew what it was. A simple piece that he had written months ago while he was still job hopping. A light and airy melody, one he meant to play on the flute one day.

Yeah, this’ll do.

The steps that lead up to the animal’s tank felt a million times longer while Johann trudged up them. The gleaming glass box, newly installed, exposed the opening that would send his work into the alien’s watery home. Johann rubbed the edge of the scroll, and his fingers lingered a few seconds before he took a deep breath. “Hey, um, big guy. My first time feeding you. Hope you like it…?” he whispered.

Johann opened up the hatch and gingerly placed the song inside the box. He stared at it for a moment with clenched teeth, fear almost overwhelming him, before he forced himself to shut the door and yank down the lever beside it. The little scroll floated upwards, inching closer to the jellyfish. A few agonizing moments where the creature didn’t move an inch, and Johann thought he might just pass out then and there, until it raised a tentacle towards the scroll.

“Haha, not your usual, huh?” Johann asked under his breath. The jellyfish pulled the scroll up to its bell without acknowledging Johann, though he’s not sure what an acknowledgment from this thing would even look like.

Silence filled the room as the creature slowly started to consume the scroll. It was a fascinating process to watch; the swirls and stars seemed to engulf the parchment in patches. Although not a slow process by any means, especially with just one little scroll, Johann felt compelled to occupy the silence he usually enjoyed. “It’s fine, I get it. New things freak me out too. Can never tell if I’ll like the texture or, um, a new taste in general,” he said.

The scroll was almost completely gone, and Johann still lived.

“Guess you did kind of enjoy it if I'm still standing. ‘Suppose you got good taste then, for a weird, uh,, jellyfish, void thing—”

“Johann, are you… speaking to it?” the Director asked behind him.

Johann tensed up and slowly turned towards her. “Um. No?”

The Director’s gaze lingered on him for a few seconds, and Johann suddenly felt much more vulnerable as he faced her than he did when he faced the jellyfish. She took a few steps forward, up the small steps towards the tank. Towards him. Johann nervously stepped away until his back pressed against the cold glass of the tank.

If the Director noticed Johann backing away, she pointedly did not mention it. “I would not feel embarrassed about that. This creature tends to draw out such responses quite often, as I’ve experienced. Your way of conversing with it may help you with this job,” she said.

“Uh, the drawing out responses thing— is that, like, magical?” Johann asked.

The Director shook her head. She still stared at him, but the glimmer of the jellyfish’s stars in her eyes made it look more like she was staring right through him. “No. That’s just the nature of being next to something as grand and silent as this jellyfish.”

The two of them stood in silence for a moment. The creature’s light bathed them both in a soft blues and purples and its tentacles gently swayed in the water it resided in. The chambers, deep within the moonbase, radiated a calm quiet that Johann made the exhaustion from his trip feel incredibly heightened. He rested his head on the tank’s cold glass and closed his eyes for just a moment.

“Not sure if you’ve noticed, but you’re not dead nor have you been eaten yet,” the Director interrupted, which made Johann jump away from the tank.

“Ah— yeah, yes, that’s right. I’m alive.”

“So, have you made up your mind?”

Johann looked back at the jellyfish behind him. Tiny scraps of the parchment floated around its bell, and it greedily picked at those little flakes with its smallest tentacles. Some part of him in the future wishes he would’ve looked away, and asked the Director to give him more time to think about it. Anything to keep him from making that reckless decision. But Johann couldn’t stop staring at those swirling stars…

Poor guy probably needs a bit more food…

“Uh, yeah, I’ve made up my mind.”

—

The lyre in Johann’s hands was out of tune. Though Johann’s hands worked diligently to tune it correctly, something about it just didn’t click.

He sat in front of the Voidfish’s tank as he fiddled with the instrument in his hands. Awkward sounding twangs of taught strings filled the otherwise empty chamber, and gods was Johann glad that none of the newer employees cared enough to visit him, because the noises being made were embarrassing.

Johann never stopped talking to the jellyfish throughout the six months he had been working with it. By then the name he had given to it, Voidfish, had entered the official vocabulary of the Bureau. Really, he didn’t mean for that to be what it was called, it just slipped out as he helped some new hires with their inoculation. A little quirk from his one-sided conversations.

“Man, I wonder what this sounds like to you,” Johann mumbled to himself. “You’ve obviously got good taste. You eat certain compositions faster than others, and you start getting reluctant to eat ones that I think you’re not really into. Which, um, rude. My last composition was not that bad, you prick.”

The Voidfish did not respond. Not a single thing about it changed, other than the fact it maybe shifted its bell closer to the top of the tank.

Johann continued regardless, “But, you know, do these out of tune notes bother you? Like, it bothers me a lot. Just hearing it makes, uh, my teeth hurt? I guess you wouldn’t know that feeling since, um, no teeth… but, like, still. Does it… um, bother you?”

To accentuate his point, Johann deliberately played a short melody with the lyre. It didn’t sound bad at all, but Johann ground his teeth together with every second that he played it. “That bothers me. I’d never play that for you. Even if you probably can’t tell the difference, you still deserve better, dude,” he reassured the Voidfish.

Johann’s eyes flickered up expectantly at the Voidfish after he said that. He wasn’t sure when or why that habit had grown— he was fully aware that the Voidfish hadn’t ever turned its attention to anyone, he was so aware of that fact every day. So why did he find himself doing this more often?

Well, whatever. That matter was not something Johann needed to care about at that moment.

With a few more tweaks and retightening of strings, Johann got to a sound he liked. When he plucked a single string, his pointed ears flicked upwards in satisfaction. “Yup. Much better,” he sighed in relief. A little smile grew on his face. His fingers played the same small melody he spun only a few moments before, and his body visibly relaxed when it sounded just right.

“I’d say I’m kind of spoiling you, you know. I wonder what the Director used to feed you before I came around. No offence, but I can’t imagine it’s what you get to eat now, haha,” Johann laughed. “And I even give you free shows. It’s not in my job description to play for you, you know? I’m not, um, gonna act like it’s all just for you. I do mainly play for myself. You’re a very welcome audience, though.”

Johann stood up from his place on the chamber floors and his eyes searched the Voidfish’s strange, alien body. He felt embarrassed looking for something, but he just couldn’t help it.

If only I could get some feedback from you.

—

Johann pressed his hand onto the glass of the Voidfish’s home.

Two days before, Johann and the Voidfish had that moment. That hypnotizing connection they held as they fell into a duet. Just thinking about it made the rough calluses on Johann’s fingers tingle. It was the closest thing to a genuine communication Johann had ever gotten from the Voidfish. A moment in time where they were perfectly attuned to each other. It was such a perfect moment. Johann loved it. He needed more of it.

So why wouldn’t the Voidfish connect with him again?

Johann tried the day before. It responded, quieter that time, with its simple song. E-G-G… B-A-B-E. Johann had it memorized by then, and he tried once again to continue their little duet with its singing. Yet, instead of singing along with him, it would simply stop. Closing all communication for the day.

Rejecting Johann.

So Johann stood in front of it. Instruments and unravelled scrolls scattered around his feet. His hand is on glass, but really, he wanted nothing more than to reach through it and grab one of the Voidfish’s many tendrils.

“What happened?” Johann asked. His voice barely above a whisper, Johann sounded so tired. “We— we had something. We really had something for a moment there, didn’t we? Why can’t we do it again?”

The chilling blue and purple lights washing over Johann hardly felt calm to him anymore. It felt more like a mockery. Something so big and luminous it paints his entire body, the whole room, a different colour; too grand for someone as small and forgettable as Johann.

“Maybe— maybe I’m not as charming or happy as Magnus. Okay, I get it, I’m not like him. That doesn’t mean— that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to have a connection with you. I care about you. I take care of you, don’t I? I make sure you have everything in here. I try to feed you my best works even if it fucking kills me to do it.”

Pressure built up in Johann’s chest. He knew how stupid he must look, yelling at the giant jellyfish the whole world owed its peace to, but he couldn’t contain himself. Not when he finally got the taste of being completely in tune with the Voidfish, only for it to deny the opportunity to feel it again. The hand on the Voidfish’s tank balled up into a fist. “It wouldn’t hurt for you to at least entertain the idea of talking with me again!” Johann yelled.

Some part of Johann wanted to raise his fist and slam it against the glass. To demand the attention he so obviously deserved. but even in his frustration, Johann knew that would only make him even more pathetic. Instead, he silently seethed through gritted, aching teeth.

“Am I just… misunderstanding that connection?”

At that question, the Voidfish let out that loud, piercing scream. The same one that broke the enchantment of their duet.

Misunderstanding…

The Voidfish sang the seven-note tune. This time, it accentuates each note slowly. E… G… G. B… A… B… E…

Had Johann been in a clearer mind, he would have gone over those notes more carefully. He was a smart man; given enough time he could have figured out the meaning behind the Voidfish’s message it so desperately sung to him. Had Johann pulled himself out of his feelings of insecurity and loneliness, perhaps the two of them could have connected again, understood each other, and fulfilled the other’s wants.

Johann pulled himself away from the Voidfish’s tank without a word. He bent down to the messy pile of instruments and parchment, then picked up a large unfurled scroll. The music written is scratchy in a way Johann has never written before, with ink splotches and mysterious small stains dotting the paper. He does not even roll the parchment up again before he slammed it into the metal box, then yanked the lever so hard it whined.

“Fuckin’… misunderstanding. Fine, take that. See how I feel.”

Johann stormed out of the chamber. His teeth ground against each other restlessly.

Oh, how they ached.

#johann appreciation week #taz balance #taz johann #my writing

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kristiliqua · 1 year

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MY TAZ AU INFO STUFF :) !!!

ok So . the ipre ! is benchtrio + sbi plus schlatt bc i needed someone to be lich barry :) fuck yea

sooo tommy and wilbur !! are the twins (the brothers) - tommy is taako and wilbur is lup :] - in Their specific dynamic . or smth . as in - no one is like . Fully a character , they have different roles n characteristics (?) from different characters n stuff -- like . tommy isnt Fully like taako , he's just like taako w the twin slash brother stuff - he's kinda more like magnus . Kinda

ranboo ! was the journal keeper :) is a cleric slash wizard (psa - i do Not know Any dnd shit , not rlly . all ik is from taz lmfao -- so if anything is inaccurate to the game , i ,,, dont care) and is a full elf ! theyre shy n nerdy like lucretia n barry , ig

tubbo is a fighter ! the protector of the group (like magnussss) :D !! isss a goat hybrid . idc if its not in dnd shhhush -- beeduo r in a queer platonic relationship :] their relationship's dynamic is similar to barry n lup's - ranboo is like barry and tubbo is like lup !

tommy is a rogueee !!! and is a decent wizard as well ! he's learnin the magics :)) - he excels in transmutation magic , which he learned Purely bc of the prank possibilities . he is Surprisingly good at it (he started learning magic bc of wilbah) -- he is a quarter elf and the rest is human bbyyy (crimeboys r biological brothers)

wilbur is a wizard :) !! (and a lich cough cough) he is learning rogue skills (haha brothers learning each other's skills haha) and is pretty okay at it . doesnt put Too much time into learning it . he is half elf n half human ! he has long pointy ears , while tommy has human sized ears that r a little pointy :)))

phil was the captain of the ipre .! he becomes the director of the bob . he is Maybe tommy n wilbur's bio father - three quarters elf n one quarter human , he is . is a magic man , wizard stuff and cleric . also is good at fighter shit too ! he's the one who erases their memories , like lucretia , w the same motivations n intentions as well :) ! (he asks ran for his journal , and bc he's the captain n ranboo trusts him , ranboo gives him the journal and ,, yea)

techno is phil's assistant in the bob !! lad's a fighter B) uhh . might be part elf or a hybrid or smth , not sure . he's called the wordless one :))) so ig he's Sorta like davenport but also Definitely Not

schlatt is lich barryyy - he's friends with wilbur . is a ram hybrid , and uhhh . is the red robe that appears thruout the arcs n stuff , aka barry . lich barry . yea

now for the more minor ish characters !!!

charlie slimecicle is roswell and instead of clay its slime . i take no arguments fuck u , its perfect

i wanted june to b someone like . correlated to charlie butttt - it ended up being crumb .! ik theyve like . Never interacted , but i feel like the vibes work , so . crumb cuptoast it is

the uhhh prophet lady in refuge is karl . for pretty obvious reasons

errr the main robber guy in refuge (idk) Could be sapnap ? or at least Implied to be sapnap ? bc why not

john slash the hunger isss eret , i think ! n ranboo is the one to talk to xem :))) umm - angus is shroud , bc why not . HURLEY N SLOANE ARE PUFFY N NIKI !!! in that order . its perfect and i take no arguments on that one

karry n killion (btw if i misspell any names then thats my bad But idc . dont point it out bc i literally couldnt give less of a shit lmao) are guqqie n aimsey !!!!! in that order :)))

umm garfield the deals warlock ? i originally made him quackity but for Reasons (that youll know very soon) he is now ted nivision !!!! and leon or whatever (the gachapon guy) is scott smajor . its the vibes , man

i did Not know who to have as johann . so i chose cpk bc he has similar vvvvibes . and uhhh i made sneeg be avi bc i could :)

juaquin is eryn !!!! we love juaquin n eryn in this household

lucas is sam , and moureen (lucas' mom) is ponk !! bc we need sam to want to save someone for crystal kingdom to happen n whatnot

noelle is clementine :) ! n kravitz is quackity . i previously made it clara but ittt just didnt fit well enough for me , so . quackiteeee it was

also the raven queen is ofc , mumza :D

klarg issss ,, henry , i guess .? its kinda eh to me but whatever idk 😭😭 he could just stay as klarg honestly

i made magic brian be billzo bc its funny . magic billzo . (that Does mean he fucking dies but um . L)

btw i had the idea for tommy to have a pet fish , like magnus w steven . and the pet fish would be named clementine and live in a magic sprite bottle (iykyk) But . noelle is clementine and unle -- IN THE MIDDLE OF TYPING I GOT THE IDEA OF NOELLE BEING SHELBY NVM NOELLE IS SHELBY SHUBBLE NOW . so clementine in the sprite bottle is real now ig :]

umm - hodgepodge n upsie are both different versions of sam nook - ig sam nook is sorta just . the general base of any ai sam makes for robots - hodgepodge is sam nook: education edition and upsie is sam nook: elevator edition which is Sorta confusing bc when u shorten them its both EE but like . yea (also i realized i could make one of them fran but . i feel like neither fit so ig not)

JENKINS IS JACK MANIFOLD its perfect fuck you .!!!! benchtrio (mainly tommy ,, n tubbo) just harass him on the rockport limited lmfao

jess the beheader is beau (the beheader) !!! and i had graham the juicy wizard be replaced with scar and grian bc i wanted them somewhere in here :))) theyre the Wacky Wizard Duo (tm)

im prob forgetting some characters but errr ehhhh Whateverrrr . um - istus n pan stay the same ! same with fisher and junior :]

also id like to point out that i kept the sapphic rep as sapphic rep in this au as well . bc i think its neat B))) (didnt want to replace the rep with cishet white men shit lmaoo)

nnnnn thats it .!! uhhh - if u have suggestions feel free to give some :)) Constructive criticism , pls ! kk ty for reading B) !!!!!

also have a little additional taz crimeboys doodle for ur troubles , Smile

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clefairytea · 3 years

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Okay disorganised Otto thoughts below cut, spoilers for all PN2

I don’t think Otto is going to turn out to be evil or a bad guy, honestly, and I doubt he’s the potential psychic collaborator working with Gristol/Loboto. But I do think it’s likely he messed with his own brain using the AstroLathe bigtime after the Deluge of Grulovia stuff went down, rather than deal with it.

Plus, I do think he’s a guy who always seemed to have problems relating to other people, and has the wobbliest relationship to all the Psychic Seven. Like Cassie just seems to straight-up dislike him. It seems like Helmut got along with him (it seemed like Helmut was very much the heart of the team who got along equally well with everyone), and I think Helmut’s psyche suggests that Bob and Otto were friends and hung out.

But from Bob’s mind it seems like that relationship has went downhill a lot. A lot of that sounds like stuff Bob has projected ONTO Otto (he never really was my friend, he just tolerated me because of Helmut, they all did, they never liked me, etc etc, standard depression stuff. Also like the weird hint that Otto was into Helmut a little bit lmao).

But also it doesn’t seem like Otto really reached out to Bob after everything went down, and I wonder if Bob feels a bit of resentment/betrayal there. Especially because of mental-Bob’s line about “Are you trying to light a signal fire? Don’t bother, nobody comes”. Like Bob wants help and from his perspective has been making cries for help, but hasn’t been getting it. From his perspective, that ‘proves’ Otto was never his friend.

But it also seems like Otto is just not good with people to begin with. And, as well, that Bob’s cries for help haven’t really been loud enough to actually get through. Like even with Raz, he initially shoves him away (pretty violently and nastily!), and it’s only the vines (which I think he’s controlling subconciously) that even give Raz the consent to use the PsychoPortal on him. I don’t think Otto has the requisite social skills/empathy to break through that level of complicated dissonance to begin with, but ESPECIALLY not if he’s blasted the hurt bits of his psyche out with the AstroLathe.

It seemed like Otto’s closest friend was Ford, who was in no fit state after the whole thing at all. His relationship to Compton I’m not quite as sure about, aside from the fact Compton obviously feels pretty judged by him, as evident by the goat puppet, and is probably a bit scared/intimidated by him (which might contribute to Cassie not liking him).

Otto’s relationship to Lucretia I think remains a bit of a question mark, though man I’d be really curious to know how that slots in.

God. I want to know what’s up with all this so bad. I can’t wait for Psychonauts 2.5 in 11 years that can exclusively be played on a 2017 Gucci SmartFridge

#clefairy squeaks #No I'm not over RoR being VR-exclusive #I've watched a playthrough but it looks fun to play :(#psychonauts 2 spoilers #God the Psychic Seven are fun. Very messy old people with a lot of weird interpersonal drama and tension

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jq37 · 3 years

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The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 1

The Case of the The Pernicious Party

Hello, hello, hello! It’s been a hot second but your resident D20 recapper is back to tackle the newest season: Mice and Murder! Y’all had to know I wasn’t gonna sit out the murder mystery, are you kidding me???

I might be playing around with the format a bit in the coming weeks to make sure I have the best possible system for keeping track of possible clues, suspects, and theories as we untangle whatever web Brennan weaves for us this season so don’t be surprised if things change a little.

Anyway, without further ado, onto our mystery!

Summary

In case you missed it, this season takes place in an alternate, Zootopia/Wind in the Willows-esque universe where all the characters are animals but history seems to have happened in more or less the same way--for example there was still a King Charles but he was a King Charles Spaniel (cute Brennan). Our story specifically takes place in the English village of Tufting Meadows.

We start with Katie’s character--Gangie Green (Weasel/Thief Rogue) in the graveyard of the Anglican Chapel (Our Lady of Prayerful Paws). Gangie, we learn, is an orphan who was kicked out of the orphanage at some point for thievery. Obviously, he’s not reformed of the habit because he is here to do some graverobbing. On a nat 20 (that Katie hilariously doesn’t notice even though her total is like a 29) Gangie can see through the window of the rectory that there is a weeping window inside--Catherine McCabbage who is being (dubiously) tended to by Raph’s character, Vicar Ian Prescott (Owl/Bard, College of Eloquence).

Ian comes from a line of men of the cloth but he’s not exactly the best speaker despite his subclass. He’s doing his best though! The widow’s husband (Conor McCabbage) died at the local mill in what has been declared an accident but she suspects foul play. She’s been hearing his voice on the wind and wants Ian’s professional opinion on whether this could be a sign from God or if her husband might be speaking to her from beyond the grave or something like that. Ian gives a very muddled and not very comforting answer but seems pretty sure that something sketchy did in fact happen. Then, he sees a crack of lightning outside which illuminates the graveyard where he gets a glimpse of Gangie.

He goes to check it out (and Gangie fully has an elderly goat he’s dug up slung over his shoulder) but “gravedigger” is his legit job so Ian decides to assume whatever’s going on is legit and not ask too many questions. He goes back to the widow (who, before she leaves, says that maybe sometimes people need to work on God’s behalf) while Gangie takes the body Loam Hall (a massive manor, built into a hill).

We cut to the next day and our next two characters!

At 22B Hamsted Street in a pretty well appointed home are Ally and Grant’s characters. First up, we have Lars Vandenchomp (Huge ass Doberman/Battlemaster Fighter) who is so tough looking but also so Swedish sounding--it’s A Lot (so, incredibly on brand for Ally). Lars is security for Grant’s character Sylvester Cross (Fox/Inquisitive Rogue) who is a kinda (to use Grant’s word) “foppish” Sherlock Holmes type. He was hired by Squire William Thornwall Brockhollow to figure out what happened with Conor McCabbage (and clear him of negligence in running the mill) but he couldn’t find any evidence of any funny business, making this the only case he’s never cracked. He’s not as young or popular as he once was so this is, understandably, bumming him out. He’s even more bummed out when he realizes that William has invited him to his 60th birthday party that’s happening that night (as kind of a prop to show that he did his part in trying to solve the mystery) and Lars has already RSVP’d yes. He grudgingly agrees to go as it’s one of those asks that’s really more of a veiled demand but decides to pull the money he was paid from the bank first so he can return it and really stick it to the guy.

Finally, we cut to our last set of PCs who are on their way to Tufting Meadows via a very luxurious train. Inside are Sam and Rekha’s characters! Sam is Buckster $ Boyd (Peccary which is like a small boar/Mastermind Rouge) a Texan Oil Tycoon who acts exactly how you’d expect a Texan Oil Pig to act. Yes, you pronounce the dollar sign as “dollar sign” (even though as we find out later his middle name is Cassius so it’s like Cash which I think is super cool). With him is Rekha’s character, Daisy D'umpstaire (Raccoon/Assassin (???) Rogue another American (from South Carolina) though it seems she’s My Fair Lady’d herself into an upper class socialite (her last name was previously Dumpster). They’re traveling with their accountant, an Armadillo named Armond who seems kinda skittish and concerned about their travel expenses but Buck tells him that to make money you gotta spend money and they’re gonna make a *ton* of money on this trip. They’re also so so mean to him for absolutely no reason.

When the train stops, they’re greeted by Templeton Padhop (a frog, natch) who is the chauffeur of Loan Hall, sent to fetch them. A wheel on his car is broken so he joins in on the Armond abuse immediately and has Armond roll into an Armadillo ball and replace it. Poor guy. When they show up they're greeted by a footman--a pug in a bowler hat named Milo Snout.

Meanwhile, Lars and Sly (Oh, Sly fox, I see what you did there Grant) are similarly greeted by another footman--a lizard named Basil Baskins. On a 23 perception check, Lars sees that Jeremy “Jez” Brockhollow is inside (the son of William who is a badger btw) and also clocks Gangie (who they know as a career criminal who disappeared like a year ago). Gangie doesn’t notice Lars though.

Ian, who is also invited, shows up at about the same time as Sly but very quickly, the conversation is taken over by Lucretia “Lucy” Brockhollow, William’s older, eccentric sister who immediately gets into it with Lars about astrology and the occult (she thinks bad stuff is happening because of a curse let loose when Sly’s old rival--a rabbit named Fletcher Cottonbottom who is the son of his former employer--opened an Egyptian tomb). They’re thick as thieves right away because Ally is a nonsense magnet. And not like a regular magnet, one of those big electromagnets.

Daisy and Buck spot William’s kids--the aforementioned Jez and his older sister Constance--along with their husbands Dr. Corbin Magpie (Constance’s and obv a magpie and a doctor) and Osmond Sheffield (Jez’s who is a Ram and a lawyer). Daisy is too stuck in her conversation with a truly unhinged squirrel (Lady Eugenia Bristlebrush who clearly does not know she’s in a murder mystery because she just keeps talking about how much she hates and wants to kill everyone) to hear what’s going on but she indicates the conversation to Buck who is able to eavesdrop and hear that they’re lamenting that Catherine--the widow--RSVP’d no which is gonna look really bad, like they didn’t invite her (bad PR).

Buck, introducing himself as a business partner of William, eases into a conversation with the husbands which their respective spouses also join into and we learn that Buck's dad was British and a friend of Willian’s. Buck bonds with Jez (who is a bit of a dilettante) really quickly since Buck is ready to go drinks-wise immediately (and there’s a stellar pun about the “American [Drinking] Constitution''). Through the window, Buck notices Gangie outside getting his attention.

At the same time, Ian is going from party guest to party guest, giving out the penances he forgot to earlier at church (as one does). We see him talking to the Lord and Lady Bramble (a cow and hedgehog, respectively) and while she wants to pray her way out of situations without doing any legwork, he wants to buy his way out and gives Ian 250 pounds. A frustrating but financially lucrative conversation.

Buck goes outside to talk to Gangie who has a list of names of the bodies he’s been collecting. We’re not told what Buck is doing but it seems that this list is extremely valuable to him in some way. Gangie (who Buck keeps calling Gangly, to his annoyance) pays him handsomely (like, with a 50% tip) for the list (and Gangie gives him the real list, despite Brennan saying he didn’t have to). We also learn that Gangie has allegedly been getting the orders from someone in Loa Hall and they flow from William himself.

Matilda Molesly (a mole and the head maid) invites Gangie to come in from the rain--she’s the only person who’s been consistently nice to him and he agrees to come in for tea and scones.

Everyone is ushered together by the butler (because of course there’s a butler--he’s quite literally a fancy rat named Thomas Gilfoyle) and William gives a speech where he wishes Conor well and kinda highlights that he did hire Sly to solve the case in a “Hey, I did my bit don’t blame me” kind of way. He also makes a 150k pound donation to the church (and Ian thought 250 was good) and tells his daughter not to read the praise he got for it from the cardinal when she mentions it (I wonder if that was choreographed). Sly interrupts the speech to “magnanimously” give his money back, to William’s annoyance. Buck notices that Lawrence Longfoot (a nouveau rich, rabbit photographer) takes a pic of the scene but with Sly in the foreground and William in the background.

Then, a few things happen at once (in a very cinematic way):

As the camera flashes, Mrs. Molesly drops her tray, eyes hurt by the light. Lady Calliope Fawnbrooke (Deer, Matron of the Arts) helps her up.

In the moment of dark, after the flash goes away, the butler disappears.

Buck thinks he sees a shape through the window, out in the rain.

A cheer goes up for Sly for returning the money but all Sly can focus on is one figure he recognizes in the back of the room. Daisy, who is downing her drink and not cheering for him. He downs his as well, and looks at her until she breaks the stare and leaves the room.

And this episode doesn’t end with a dead body like I thought, but with a flashback to a younger Sylvester, 12 years ago when he first met Daisy.

PC INTERPERSONAL DRAMA Y’ALL!!! Get HYPED!

Case Notes

Here is a compilation of all the characters (PCs and NPCs introduced in this episode).

Sly mentions that Ignatius Cottonbottom faked his own death as a part of some scheme which seems like a backstory point that might come back later--we now know that there exists a way to convincingly fake your own death in this world.

Sly walks with a walking stick because of some “mysterious accident” but we’re jumping into a flashback next week so it looks like we might find out about it pretty soon.

Sly also mentions he used to be the personal physician to the elder Cottonbottom so those are skills he has. I wonder if that’ll be useful to this healer-less party. I wonder if cleric was even an option in this world which seems to be low to no magic. It would explain by Ian is a bad and not a cleric.

Lars has a military background which I wanted to mention in case it becomes relevant later.

And Dr. Magpie grew up poor and still acts it a bit even though he married a very rich woman. Brennan uses the very good line, “He forces his body into the shape of an apology”

This might be a really deep cut reference but did anyone else here was the old Britcom “Keeping Up Appearances”? Cause I was getting serious Bouquet/Bucket energy from Daisy.

This is an all College Humor season and it shows. The energy of 6 (7 if you count Brennan) top notch comedians sparking off of each other, trying to one up each other is off the charts. Some of the best bits this episode:

“When God closes every door but one, you go through the door that is open.” followed by “I’m an owl by the way.”

“Time is money, here’s both” from Buck re his inscribed gold pocket watch--everyone at the table loved that so much and they’re right.

Armond going from being a third to a fourth wheel.

And the names--I already shouted out a ton on the main recap but also a rat butler (like Rhett Butler) and naming the mouse Cat(therine). Can’t forget Gangie Green/gangrene from Katie. Also points to Ally for the data stealing Eel Musk which broke Brennan a little.

I know we just went through this with Crown of Candy but what are these animals eating? Like, in Zootopia there were only mammals so we can assume the carnivores are eating like birds and fish but there are sentient birds here. I know this isn’t important. I’m not trying to do a CinemaSins gotcha. I just wonder, you know?

Y’all were waiting for all the lights to go out during that speech and then come back on and there’d be a body too, right?

If Brennan makes the bad guy a chicken or a duck or something so he can make a “fowl play” joke, he is cordially invited to catch these hands.

I have been waiting for Raph and Katie to do D20 forever. Their specific brand of nonsense on Rank Room was always amazing.

I love love love that Grant and Rekha are the PCs that have ~a past~ because they are so funny together. If you haven’t seen their episode of Game Changers, you absolutely must (it’s also a murder mystery actually!).

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #mice and murder #mice and murder spoilers #the case file #points and also glares to camwritery for pointing out that grant also went for the silver fox pun #i will be fighting both of you at my earliest convenience

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mcnuggyy · 4 years

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have u ever wondered if justin mcelroy is comfortable playing a latine person... especially given casting controversies in the voice acting industry, for which thats a huge problem? you and others might want taako to be latine but a lot of people (including me) would b pretty upset if a white guy came out and claimed the character (which he not only acts as but created) as latine representation or some shit...

eh??

so the Mcelroys should never have a person of color in their content ever again then right? no representation what’s so ever in their very popular dnd podcast right? and we should be upset that despite making interesting and unique and great characters, Griffin should be held accountable for making and playing Lucretia, and Angus, and more.

( they are a small family of podcasters making a dnd podcast, not voice actors or show runners, or directors, they are a small family playing dnd, I don’t know if it’s fair to compare a podcast with an entire industry that continues to fuck over its voice actors of color)

(Also are you implying Justin would have to play Taako again?? Balance is over, And they plan on having new voice actors for the animated series, They’ve been talking about actually hiring voice actors for a while now, I’m sure they would be down to hire a Latine actor? Now THAT would be dope)

the people who want Taako to be Latine or HC him as Latine are all Latine themselves, we already know that this is a complex situatatin with nuance and we are asking content creators to be mindful and do research when creating stories and characters. The solution isn’t to tell them they can’t do it, cause that’s how we end up w all white narratives at all times, but to be mindful and do the WORK, if they do, and to prioritize lifting up voices of poc instead. ((Also do you know of any dnd podcast where the hosts are poc? cause even though anyone can make a podcast, white people continue to stay on top, and it sucks. It fucking sucks. (I WANT a poc run dnd podcasts SO BAD FUCK.) But that doesnt means allies like the Mcelroys cant at least do their best to make things better?? I have to at least hope for that? ))

Also I don’t want Justin to do what Travis did and randomly just say x character is x race at a meetup or something, cause Travis really fucked that up imo, like I want that shit in canon obviously. I just think I’m aloud to be upset and annoyed when white people make shitty choices. And blue Taako is one of them. I just want them to actually LEARN from those shitty choices, ya know?

(((Also idk if I care about white peoples comfort but I do care about my nonwhite siblings comfort...)))

(At this point me hating on blue Taako is just cathartic for me and me just having fun being a gay little Mexican who wants rep. Mcelroys can do whatever they want with their characters, but don’t expect fans of color to not have opinions and shit. )

I think all I really want is for him to not be blue in the animated series when it comes out. AND for them to do a better job when it comes to representation in the future. I just want the Mcelroys to listen to fans of color when we call them out on shit. And I want white fans to stay out of those convos. It sucks being a nonwhite person in fandom and constantly having to make content for yourself and then having white people question you about it or say racist shit about your designs. I’m just tired and would like a little crumb of latine rep in my favorite dnd podcast, just a little crumb,, that isn’t an NPC that shows up for one episode, please?

Also did you know Latine people can be white? :)

#this is just me rambling and trying to process my thoughts #idk if any of this makes sense rip #callate guero #replies #anonymous #when will anons leave me alone about blue Taako #blue Taako ugly <3 #white people dont interact #nonwhite mutuals feel free to respond!!!!#I have no idea if I’m making any sense fjfjf

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comradelup · 3 years

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i don't have a specific prompt number in mind but...... first kisses with blupcretia? :O

Lup’s felt it for about a week now. If she’s being honest with herself, it’s been deep inside her for longer, but she really only addressed it and properly defined it last week.

She has a crush on two of her best friends. When she told Taako during a Twin Sleepover™, he wasn’t surprised; actually, he was, but only at how long it took her to realize.

He listened to her wax poetic about the both of them and lament about how she doesn’t know what to do. After she was finished he told her that the Lup he knows doesn’t let things like anxiety stop her. But Lup knows it’s more than that.

There’s a lot to consider. What if neither of them like her back? What if they’re uncomfortable with polyamory? What if only one of them likes her back? That’d be just as bad, because she can’t imagine Lucretia without Barry, or Barry without Lucretia. It’s not her wanting to date both of them separately, she wants them both together. She feels whole when all three of them are together, and one person being missing from that would feel like if Lup was missing a vital organ.

She feels that desire, that crush, right now. The three of them are alone on the Starblster’s deck; nothing but them and the stars. They’re supposed to be looking to see if the Light falls, but they’ve ended up stargazing instead.

“That one! Right there,” Lup says, pointing. “It looks like a pineapple, can’t you see it?”

She looks to her left, seeing Lucretia adjust her glasses and squint into the sky, neck craning back. “Kiiind of? I dunno, still looks like a rabbit to me.”

Lup whips her head to the right. “What about you Barry?”

Barry shrugs, also staring at the constellation in question. “It’s a bouquet of flowers.”

“What?” both girls say, turning on him with confusion (Lucretia) and mortification (Lup).

Barry puts his hands up. “That’s just what I see! I— I guess I can see a rabbit or pineapple, but my first impression was bouquet.”

“You’re insane,” Lup says to him, then turns to Lucretia. “Both of you. Your human eyes are weak and inferior. Speaking of! How can you even see in this lighting?”

All lights are off, the purple nebulae washing them in a violet glow. Lup can make out the details of their faces, but she knows for a fact they can’t.

“I can see shapes,” Lucretia says, and Lup can see her eyes darting from Lup to Barry, but not locking onto anything specific.

“It’s kinda hard to tell you two apart,” Barry adds, “I just know Lup’s the one with the ponytail.”

Subconsciously, Lup reaches up to tighten the hair tie. “Well, how about this?” She turns to Lucretia and slowly starts walking closer to her on her knees. “Tell me when you can make me out.”

Lucretia hums an affirmative, watching Lup’s form as she comes near. Lup’s eyes turn to Barry, who’s watching this unfold with a curious expression. It must be like watching shadow puppets to him.

She turns back to Lucretia. She’s about two feet away now, and she lets herself fall forward so she lands on her hands in a crawl. She inches closer and closer, and she sees the moment Lucretia’s eyes focus on hers.

“Right there,” Lucretia mumbles. Her face is so impossibly close to Lup’s. She’s smiling, amused with Lup’s shenanigans, and Lup smiles too.

She licks her lips and Lucretia’s eyes are drawn to the movement. Her smile falls, eyes specifically focused on Lup’s lips. Lup, unable to help herself, looks to Lucretia’s; they shine with the lipgloss she always wears, the gloss she’s always wanted to taste.

Before she can rationalize it, Lup’s leaning forward the last few inches to brush her lips against Lucretia’s. It’s quick and feather-light but she starts to pull away almost immediately, mind already filling with regret and apologies.

But that one point of contact is like a dam breaking; Lucretia’s hands grab Lup’s face and pulls her back in for a more passionate kiss. Her lips move messily and hungrily, but Lup slows her down with hands on her wrists, making the pace calm and pleasant.

They break apart and Lup sits back on her heels, having gone back to sitting on her shins during the kiss. Lucretia looks dazed and her glasses are askew. Lup reaches out to readjust them, noting the blush she can just barely make out on her cheeks.

Lucretia’s eyes dart to Barry; he might not have seen it in detail, but he definitely heard it. Unlike Lucretia’s, his blush is very apparent, even from here.

Lup smirks, silently sending it Lucretia’s way with a wink. She gently removes Lucretia’s hands from her cheeks and turns to Barry.

“And what about you, babe?” she asks, crawling his way. “Tell me when you can see me.”

He starts to stutter out a response, but he goes quiet when he can start to make out the details of her face. She doesn’t slow down, only stopping when her lips are practically against his.

“Can you see me now?” she asks, voice low and quiet.

He swallows thickly. “Yes.”

“Good.” She reaches up with one hand to take off his glasses. She goes to put them on the floor, but they’re taken out of her hand by Lucretia, who’s stood up and walked closer to them in the interim. She sits down beside them, watching the show with clear amusement.

Lup smirks at her again, then turns the full force of it to Barry; the poor guy looks way out of his depth, but she can make him nice and comfortable.

She kisses him, and he kisses back, a hand coming up to the back of her neck. She doesn’t move off her hands and knees, kissing him without touching him. She makes sure to be gentle with him too, and he sighs into it.

Lup pulls away when she’s out of breath. She looks at Barry with the same smug grin, and he smiles back, almost giddy. He starts giggling and Lup can’t help but join in. She leans back in to press quicker kisses to his lips between laughs, until Lucretia clears her throat.

Lup, still giggly and smiling, turns to see Lucretia’s taken off her own glasses as well, tucking them and Barry’s into the collar of her shirt. She moves closer, into the little bubble Barry and Lup have made, and puts a few fingers on Barry’s jaw to turn his face towards hers.

When they kiss, Lup sees heaven. Up close, she watches their lips move against each other, the way she cradles his face, the way he leans into it and chases her when she pulls away. She looks through her lashes at him and he looks awestruck; Lup is too.

Lucretia turns that gaze to Lup; it’s so powerful and commanding, where did it come from? She holds out her hand to invite Lup in again, and she takes it. She sits back on her heels again so her hands are free, and she shuffles closer and closer until her knees touch their legs.

It becomes not actions, but a moment of touch and emotion; a moment of feelings. Even with her eyes closed, Lup can feel who she’s kissing. She feels Barry’s stubble or Lucretia’s box braids and she feels when they both reach for each other.

She doesn’t know if she could feel this way outside of this moment; if she can consider herself lucky to have their lips on hers in any other setting. She doesn’t know if she wants to. She wants to define their lips on hers with the soft purple glow of the deck and the shooting stars skating across the sky.

#taz #taz balance #taz fic #the adventure zone #blupcretia #*blows the dust off this ask* coming right up #balance #lup #lucretia #barry #writing #ask #anon #can you tell i listened to take me to church while writing most of this?#anyway i’m working on the last request in my inbox (which seems like it’ll be ~5k words)#and i kept feeling bad for leaving this unanswered. so here! taking a break from my multiple responsibilities by writing 3 lovebirds kissing

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jelloopy · 4 years

Text

Moonlighting Notes

Previous: Character Creation, HtbG

Moonlighting Ch 1

Boys are dizzy upon entering moon base (Why exactly was this a thing? Like was it because Lucretia made it so the bureau couldn’t be remembered/ comprehended by anyone not inoculated?)

AAVVIIIIIIII!!!!! He is from Brandybuck and gives them some brandy to ease the dizziness (Team player, I want someone like Avi in my crew.)

JOHAAANNNNNN!!!! Half elf! v v sad boy. So talented!!! (I kinda forgot how mopey he was since I’ve been catching up with the rest of TAZ )

Magnus why you tickling a grown-ass man? (This is so funny and weird considering how their relationship grows later on?)

Best god damn musician that ever existed. Plays violin like a mad man (He plays the Violin… I feel like Lup would have challenged him so god damn fast. But still, is he the legit best Violinist in Faerune?)

Magnus drinks the Ichor first. Remembers everything that was static before now being clear as day. Months and years ago there was a war that ruined and killed entire towns, loved ones, and people he knew. (Juliaaaaaa! God that sucks realizing that tbh. But also later on Travis says that Magnus was the leader of a Militia going against Governor Kalen. So what was that about exactly? They might actually explain that later on so I gonna wait and see.)

”You have never seen anything like this”~griffin about Fisher (Oh, how incorrect that statement is. Especially for it to be Magnus he’s talking about.)

Taako drinks next then Merle (Ahh, Taako the trust issues are showinggggg! But I don’t blame you it’s okay you have full right to be sus)

Taako has a memory of working on his grandpa’s farm where he leaves the milk out too long and remembers sour cream (he was 65yrs old) (God, does that mean Lup was there too? )

Johann came up with the name “voidfish”? (To be fair the IPRE gang only called him Fisher so it actually is pretty neat if Johann really was the guy to come up with the name.)

Magic Brian was 121yrs old and a drow elf (A young man just looking for mischief)

Magnus tries to tickle Johann again bit he smacks his hand away (YES JOHANN Stand up for your self!!!!! What a king.)

Johann is in the “gamekeeping” department? (I mean he is the guy that feeds and takes care of Fisher by means of feeding him information that needs getting rid of. So it kinda makes sense.)

Moonlighting Ch 2

They meet Lucretia! (I want to punch her so bad. I’m sorry if yall like Lucretia but she infuriates me. She actually is a really cool character with a complex personality that I can actually appreciate but I still hate what she did and I will go much deeper into it later on.)

Griffin makes a joke about having to “create a new monster that takes away memories” so that he can get Taako to unlearn some of the components to making a taco (Good god. That came back to bite us in the ass didn’t it? Huh, JUNIOR. Didn’t it? That hurts a lot too.)

Lucretia doesn’t know” what the umbrastaff is (I saw a post with some Lucretia angst which I can appreciate because she could have been “in denial” about it being Lup’s umbrastaff but I got angry nonetheless.)

She believes that they are much more capable than they believe that they are (YEAH HUH? Its almost like they have less faith in themselves because someone took away their memories and the knowledge of their powers or something and they had to start all over. Wild.)

The Bureau of Balance has only been in operation for less than a year and they were not able to do anything until they discovered the Voidfish (More like Lucretia had only then figured out the logistics of her organization enough to introduce Fisher to everyone. Which in retrospect is very smart and it’s the same thing I would do at that point in time but anyway.)

Magic Brian was a wayward seeker who worked for the bureau of balance (aHA! So technically in the Graphic Novel, he should have had a bracer on unless he used a spell to conceal it which is reasonable (I won’t hate on Carey I just remembered it and noticed he didn’t have a bracer on. it’s nothing wild))

CUE TRIAL OF INITIATION! (Ngl I forgot this was a thing because of how little attention I was paying at the beginning.)

Magnus is the strongest, Merle is the smartest, and Taako is the bravest. (In all aspects, I would have switched Taako and Merle but considering at this point Taako really was a dullard I can agree with their placements.)

The smallest ogre is blue the middle ogre is green and the big ogre is red (Awe I think Griffin used all of their fave colors to Mirror the three of em. <3)

Magnus’ first blood with ripping arms off (And so it begins. God, I love that Lil character detail in Magnus. It’s so frickin funny.)

”I thought I knew him! he’s an animal!” ~Taako (I mean in The Stolen Century he waaaas taught by a bear so… not far off there bud.)

Taako falls back and breaks his wand and in return, the umbrastaff begins to shift and wiggle in his bag until he gets it out. (It never clicked that this was the time that Griffin listed in Lup’s return in the finale. Until now… That’s so cute and so sadddddd)

Moonlighting Ch 3

Magnus got to keep the robot arm(s?) (Yay! Sadly he will give them up later on :( but it is for good reason so :) )

Lucretia came up with the name “Bureau of Balance” (Why? Like why Balance. I would name it Justice or Equity or something else but Balance doesn’t seem right in line with what they are doing.)

Lucretia treats davenport as her charge or ward (Rude. For one. It also hurts a lot more when you realize he is her superior. I hate it so much.)

”We very quickly cut your hand off take the bracer then reattach the hand so its no big deal” in reference to how they’ll get the bracers off after they find all the relics. (1- I forget how they get the bracers off in the end but did Lucretia really not plan for that?) (2- heheh *cut to Merle in three Arcs*)

The seventh relic is love “after we find the sixth item we’ll come back here” (She has the 7th in her hand actually so yeah you’re only gonna need to find six. But also it kinda was Love. The bonds they all had together helped Lucretia do what she needed in the end with the help of Taako’s idea and together they ended the Hunger’s reign over Faerune.)

”who called themselves the Red Robes- are all gone- most of them killed in the hunt for their relics- bring them back here if you find one” (Uh. Lucretia really named her family the “Red Robes” and made them sound evil because they did what they could at the time. Also they aren't “all gone” the only one(s) you don’t know their whereabouts of yet are Barry and Lup. AND YOU PUT ANTI- LICH WARDS ON THE DAMN MOON DUDE. If you really wanted to find Barry to talk then you would have not done that.)

Leon the artificer! (He is trying his best and I love him)

The umbrastaff is a magical umbrella created by the Umbrawizards “very few” of them exist (Boy HUH? Did Lup like… start a gang of wizards? Or did Lucretia feed Leon false Information?)

Taako being inept at the gashapon (My favorite thing. He is played as stupid at the time but if we consider his character, in general, knowing everything we do he is just fucking with Leon and I love him for that.)

RAILSPLITTER!!!! Phantom fist!!! Wand of switcheroo!! The X-treem teen bible and SCUTTLEBUDDY!!!! (Pay close attention! These Mousekatools will be useful later on!)

Awe Magnus got everyone the stones of far speech

They are moving to Level 4!!!

Next: MotRPL, Lunar Interlude I,

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barry-j-blupjeans · 4 years

Text

TAZ Balance Fic Recs

I’m making this 90% because I love these fics and the world needs to know and 10% because I need help finding them once I’ve read them. Let’s begin!! (I will not be tagging authors because I only know a few writers on this list, but if anyone else wants to tag them, feel free :>)

Refractory - Written by Nesswrites on Ao3 - Rated T

Refractory adj. (rih-frack-tuh-ree) 1. Stubborn or unmanageable. 2. Resistant to a process or stimulus.

Kravitz, a young orthopedic surgeon, is thrust into what feels like a different reality when he meets psychiatric patient, Taako. In a strange flurry of events, he finds himself being drawn toward this man, spending more and more time in a department that he used to hate and becoming invested in a patient who isn't one of his own.

Taako, an in-denial anorexia patient, is forced into a long-term hospital stay by friends and family who worry about his waning health. When he meets an attractive doctor from another wing, he begins to wonder if maybe this was the star-crossed love that he was always destined for. At least, that's what hundreds of episodes of Grey's Anatomy taught him.

In other words, the hospital drama nobody wanted but everyone got

I just really love this fic, guys, there’s not a lot I can say. It’s well written

Bury the Lead - Written by marywhale on Ao3 - Rated T

Taako’s senior year at Neverwinter High could be going better. Faced with a choice between joining the school’s floundering newspaper or being expelled, he opts for a career in journalism.

Lucretia, the paper’s editor, kind of wishes he'd gone the other way.

As the first TAZ fic I ever read in my life, this was really good. Even if it wasn’t the first fic I ever read, I still would love it. It captivated me in a way I didn’t think fics could.

Seven Raptors - Written by DragonWrites on Ao3 - Rated M

In a distant plane, Fate brings together seven scientists and explorers, who set out to explore the unknown and find themselves on a mission to save all of existence.

In another, far harsher plane, Fate brings those same seven together again. But these Seven Birds have been shaped by a crueler, much less forgiving world. These Seven Raptors are the villains in their story.

And when the two flocks meet, each of the Seven Birds must come face to face with who they might have been--who they might still become--if they let the darkness consume them.

I’ve had an idea in my head for a while of the birds meeting themselves but on a different plane? And this fic makes that idea so much more than I ever thought it could be. The first chapter really drew me in and I read it all in one night (with help from insomnia).

More below the cut!!

Serendipity and it’s inconspicuous faults - Written by TasteofDeath of Ao3 - Rated G

The morning after Angus comes home with a sore tummy and a stomach bug, things are starting to get better.

Or, Angus’ fathers have a fun time loving their little boy and a not so fun time worrying about his health

This is absolutely the cutest fic I’ve ever read. It made me tear up but in the good way. Also everything by TasteofDeath is amazing, check them out.

From the blackest room - Written by FordRiverBlues - Rated M

The authorities on a new plane mistake Barry for an enemy spy. They want information he doesn't have. Barry just wants to survive.

What can I say, I like angst. I’ve spent long hours thinking about this fic. Barry is a comfort character of mine and apparently I love seeming my comfort characters going through hard stuff. It’s just a good fic, my dudes.

The Sweetest, Dorkiest Love - Written by ceilingfan5 - Rated G

Anxious about giving Taako the perfect Valentine's present, Kravitz trades Lup two weeks of night shifts so she'll teach him how to make chocolates. It doesn't go as planned, but love wins out anyway.

Okay listen. I just said I liked angst buuUUUT - Heck, this fic is so soft and I really love and it made me cry because they’re just so soft.

All the Things You Prayed For - Written by anonymousAlchemist and marywhale - Rated T

Taako's been dead for two years. Taako's been dead for seven decades. Depends how you count it.

Her brother is dead and Lup’s a whole lifetime into the future. It’s a brave new world out there and she’s trying not to think about it too hard. She gets the feeling that if she starts thinking, she won’t ever stop, and she can’t afford to be out of commission. She's the only Captain America the new century’s got.

Lup is Cap, Taako fell from a train, and eventually all ghosts come in from the cold. You guessed it—it's a TAZ/Marvel shakeup baby. We're bringing the party to you.

If you’ve been anywhere on tumblr, you’ve heard some mention of this fic and for good reason!! I’m not into any superhero stuff so it took a while to read it because I didn’t think I’d understand it. But honestly? You don’t need to know anything about any superhero to read this. It’s written excellently and I really like it.

It's Difficult To Learn About Yourself When You Didn't Know You Could - Written by Casual_Scribbles - No rating

He licks his lips, running his knuckle along the spiral binding of his notebook. “I was reading my Caleb Cleaveland books – some of the newer ones, where he's a teenager – and one of the characters that were introduced was, um, they’re nonbinary. And I- I've heard of that before, but I didn't know a lot about it, so I looked it up.” He looks up and Miss Lup is listening to him attentively, her ears perked up. She nods at him.

“And I found out- I thought it was just one thing, ma'am,” he feels bolder, having seen the encouragement on her face. “But it's not. It’s a lot- it's so many things, Miss Lup! And I was looking through them and I just- some of them felt really familiar. Like- like I knew exactly what the writer was trying to say and I-”

(They'd been more than familiar. They'd been-)

No. They weren’t his.

Angus struggles to come to terms with something new he learns about himself, but thankfully his family is there to support him.

Non-binary Angus!!! Non-binary Angus!!!!!!! That’s all I have to say!!! Read it!!!!

Back to Wonderland - Written by OhWowAltMal - Rated G

When lich twins Edward and Lydia pull a trick far too convincing for Taakos liking, he may have found himself panicking and making some rash decisions. Just a little, though.

He definitely doesn't break the umbrastaff in half, looking for his (real?) sister.

An alternative look at the live show in Orleans, and how it could have gone.

This idea was something I didn’t even think of but I love it so much?? Half of me wishes this is what really happened, but they write the characters so well that it feels like it did.

I Know I've Kissed You Before - Written by Desiree_Harding - Rated T

"He thinks, one day, that maybe what he’s been feeling is the urge to show Kravitz, really show him, how much Taako cares about him. To make it… official. That he’s not going anywhere. Because Kravitz doesn’t live off of implications like Taako does, and maybe Taako’s a little tired of making him translate.

Maybe Taako wants to do a little bit of the work for him, just once."

AKA The story of how Taako and Kravitz got married alone in their kitchen on Candlenights (on purpose they swear)

This??? Is incredible?? It’s a (long winded but worth it) process of Taakitz proposing. I have no words, truly.

Six Years - Written by WritingIsMyCoffee and zumbah_plumbah - Rated T

Six years ago, Taako was kicked out of culinary school for an altercation between him and his roommate, forever crushing his lifelong dream of becoming a chef.

Six years ago, Merle was fiddling with the ring on his finger that he no longer needed to wear.

Six years ago, Magnus was sitting beside a hospital bed and holding his wife's hand.

Now, Taako is burdened with the struggles of raising a ten year old. Merle is wondering whether or not he wants that ring to become an obligation. Magnus is struggling to overcome the grieving process. For the past six years, the three of them have been running away from their problems and the reasons that brought them to where they currently are. Now they will be forced to face the music and deal with what happened in the past in order to move on.

FUCK!!! Fuck this made me cry?? I really like it. I really really like it. It’s so raw and emotional. All the characters fit perfectly.

synecdoche - Written by androids_fighting93 - Rated M

Echoes of the seven of them stretch into infinity, and now there’s Kravitz, a parallel line that they keep crossing despite all physical laws. Taako can see how they are bound together, he and Lup and the rest of the crew, white shimmering cords that stretch between them, between himself and Kravitz, and every aspect of Kravitz and every aspect of the Raven Queen in every world, all existing simultaneously. The Light falling to countless worlds at once, the Hunger descending over it all, the same patterns into infinity and nothing to stop it except for a silver ship, a bright beacon, unique among it all. He can see all of it.

They’re hunted by two immensely powerful creatures now, the Hunger and the Raven Queen’s servant. It's too bad Taako can't seem to stay out of harm's way.

I read this again recently and it broke my heart all over again. The idea is wonderful, the writing is even better. Please go read this fic!!!

#vic speaks #taz balance #taz #taz fic #taz fic rec #The Adventure Zone #the adventure zone balance

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raineydaywrites · 3 years

Text

take the big hits

ao3 link in the source!

Summary: Febuwhump day 5: "Take me instead."

There was a reason that Magnus had, thus far, at least, died the most often out of everyone on the ship.

He could take a lot of damage that the rest of them couldn't handle as easily, but he certainly wasn't indestructible. And the knowledge that he would wake up at the start of the next cycle if he died really only made his self-sacrificial tendencies even worse.

There was a reason that Magnus had, thus far, at least, died the most often out of everyone on the ship.

And the rest of the crew was sick of it.

They loved Magnus, and hated when he was gone. They didn't like to see him suffering or hurt, and it was starting to seem like he was going to get badly injured or killed every cycle.

They'd lost Magnus early last cycle, when they'd been ambushed by a group of people from a region other than the one they'd found the Light in. They'd communicated with the leaders of the region where they found the Light, and gotten an agreement to bring it back to the Starblaster, but apparently that information had gotten leaked somehow, and it turned out that the other regions didn't feel that they should be left out of that decision.

It would have been easier to communicate with the other region earlier and explain their reasoning for taking the Light, but instead they'd had a tense stand off between the crew and the plane's natives.

Eventually, they managed to convince the natives that it was in the best interest of everyone for them to take the Light back to the Starblaster, but the natives had groused at the idea of losing out on the knowledge they could gain from the Light.

When it had started to look as though they might decide to attack and keep the Light for themselves despite everything, Magnus had intervened.

See, the thing about Magnus is that he understands people. He's a charmer and he likes to be social and he worries about everyone. And a large part of that empathy and extroversion comes from understanding what people want and what they've been through. What motivates them.

He figured out what motivated the natives and offered it to them before any of the rest of them could protest.

"Take me instead," he'd offered, to the confusion of the other crew members. Why would the natives want Magnus?

But the fact of the matter was that the natives weren't fools. They understood that something unusual was happening, and they were unwilling to risk the idea that the IPRE crew were lying about the importance of the Light leaving this plane.

They didn't really want to keep the Light itself after that. They just wanted something to sweeten the pot before they let the rest of them go.

And the chance to study a real live alien was a sufficient sweetener to these scientifically minded monsters.

When they'd understood Mangus' offer, the crew protested, of course, but they were not standing in a safe spot. And the longer they argued, the more they risked the lives of the rest of them, and the opportunity to bring the Light back to the ship and escape at the end of the year.

In the end, Captain Davenport made the call to retreat. It broke his heart to leave Magnus to the devices of these beings, but it wasn't worst the risk that they would decide not to believe them about the Light, or to decide to look for a different way to preserve their world from the Hunger that didn't require the crew of the Starblaster.

They'd communicated with the leaders of the region they'd found the Light in, hoping for help in retrieving Magnus, which they did receive, but by the time they worked through all the legalities and diplomatic necessities, he'd already been killed.

There was nothing to do but grieve and wait for the next cycle to begin.

Magnus was greeted with a round of very enthusiastic hugs when he reformed.

"Hi guys!" he said, smiling brightly at the rest of them. It had been a rough cycle from his perspective, and he was so glad to see his family and to be out of that situation.

He was a little concerned about how upset and angry everyone looked past their enthusiasm at seeing him again.

Lucretia was clinging tightly to his side, so he leaned down to her and spoke.

"What's wrong?"

Lucretia gave him a shocked look, and said nothing, glancing around to the rest of the crew as if asking what she was supposed to say to that.

"You fuckin' left us, is what's wrong!" Taako said, extricating himself from the hug to punch Magnus in the shoulder. Even after getting out of the hug, though, he didn't go far, hovering nearby but safely out of hug range.

"I- I had to do something. I knew I'd be okay," Magnus said, uncertain why they were all taking this so badly. Sure, it had sucked, but he'd gotten through it. And everything was fine now.

"You didn't have to do that. We could have found another solution," Captain Davenport said, sternly, but Magnus could see that he was worried behind it. He'd participated in the group hug for even less time than Taako, but that was okay. They were still working on getting him to let go of his shell of professionalism, and it had made Magnus happy that he'd joined the hug at all.

"I know it wasn't the best plan, but we didn't have a lot of time to find a better one," Magnus argued, a tiny bit annoyed at the stern tone that he was being met with. "I knew the risks and I was willing to take them."

"You can't just throw yourself in danger without even telling us what you're thinking," Davenport admonished.

"I'm the security officer. It's my job to do that," Magnus retorted, and now the hug was starting to break up in light of the argument. Magnus missed it, but he was too upset to let go of the fight. He knew that he was young for this position, and that everyone else on the crew save Lucretia was years and years older than him, but that didn't mean that they could treat him like a child.

"What kind of security officer leaves a bunch of magic users to defend ourselves for a year, huh?" Taako said. "Not a very good one."

Magnus felt a little taken aback by the words, and shrunk in on himself a little.

"I have to protect you guys," he said. "I don't try to die early, but sometimes-"

"You don't always get a choice, I get that," Lup interjected, "but Taako has a point. You want to protect us, but you can't do that when you get yourself killed and leave us without you."

"And you had a choice this time, buddy," Barry said, softly. "You offered to go with them, even though you knew what would happen."

"You guys don't need me that much," Magnus argued. "I'm good and everything, but you have offensive spells. And Merle and Barry can fight alright, if they gotta."

"Of course we need you Magnus! We need everyone. But we also just like you and like having you around," Lup said. "You're a lot of fun, big guy."

"But I'm not as important as the rest of you," Magnus said.

Everyone else stilled, and he wasn't quite sure why.

"What's that supposed to mean, bud?" Merle asked, his tone as careful as he was capable of.

"I can't help with the engine or studying the Light or the science stuff. But I can protect people. That's the- I mean, I'm good at other stuff yeah, but that's the thing that's relevant to the mission. The rest of you- I mean, like I said, Merle and Barry can fight, but Merle is a healer too, and Barry knows the engine and the science. Nobody else can take over those jobs as easily as they can take over mine," Magnus explained. It seemed pretty obvious to him. He wasn't trying to be self-deprecating or anything, it was just about the relevance of their individual skill sets. His skills were largely less useful than the rest of them.

"Magnus-" Merle said, in a extremely soft tone, but he couldn't seem to figure out what to say and he stopped talking.

No one else really seemed to know either, and the room went very quiet, until Lucretia broke the silence.

"What about me? I'm just the chronicler, and there's no one to record the mission for anymore. I'm even less useful than you. Should I start sacrificing myself at the drop of a hat?" she asked.

"No!" Magnus said, horrified that she'd even ask it. "That's not what I meant!"

"Then why is it okay for you?" Lucretia demanded.

"It's my job-" Magnus started.

"No, it isn't. Your job description does not ask you to get killed for us," Davenport said, body tense and tail twitching angrily.

"Security officers do accept certain risks, though! And this mission has even more of them than more security jobs!" Magnus said.

"This mission has gone completely ass-over-tea-kettle, my dude. I don't think your job title really matters that much anymore," Taako said.

"But my job still does! You guys do!" Magnus responded. They had to understand. He wasn't trying to be reckless, just practical.

"So do you," Barry said. "We missed you."

"We aren't asking you to stop doing your job, Magnus. We just want you to be more careful," Davenport said, stepping closer and giving Magnus a quick hug. "Please take care of yourself too."

Magnus melted into the embrace, and, seeing the reaction, the rest of them rejoined the hug, even Taako, offering whatever comfort they could.

"Last cycle was some real bad shit, guys," Magnus finally said, quietly. "Did not like it. Do not recommend."

"It's okay, buddy. You're safe now," Merle offered.

Magnus let himself drop to the floor, and the rest of them followed. He let himself think about all the awful shit he'd been going through, and he didn't try to stop the tears that fell after that.

Surrounded by his family, he let himself break. He was safe. He was loved. It was going to be okay.

#taz balance #magnus burnsides #ipre crew #febuwhump #febuwhumpday5 #my writing

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anistarrose · 4 years

Text

Fear The Reaper A Lot, Actually - Chapter 5

AO3

Summary: It’s time for the hunt to resume. Noelle makes a promise, Kravitz conducts an interview, Taako plans a séance, and Barry makes a friend.

Characters: Kravitz, Taako, Barry Bluejeans, Angus McDonald, Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, Noelle | No-3113, The Raven Queen, The Director | Lucretia, misc. BoB cameos, Julia Burnsides

Relationships: Taakitz, Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz, Kravitz & Angus McDonald

Sorry for the late update! I was sick on Tuesday and Wednesday, and then on Thursday I decided to focus entirely on losing my mind over the new TAZ episode, so that means it’s time for a rare Friday chapter. Lots of stuff is happening in this chapter, so hopefully it was worth the wait!

(Also, I normally don’t write the chapter titles on tumblr for this fic because it makes the title section of the post look cluttered, but this one is called “me and the boys at 2 am looking for jeans.” Just really wanted to make sure you were all aware of that fact.)

***

Long past the curfew established by the Reclaimers’ training routine, at the hour of night when the moonbase’s artificial lights dimmed and the bonfires on the planet below faded away, four pairs of eyes watched Avi from the shadows. A murmur of excitement escaped from behind one of the glass spheres when he yawned and checked his watch, followed by a chorus of disappointed sighs when he slapped himself across the face and set back to work unloading a new supply shipment, but he didn’t seem to notice them over the muffled roar of high-altitude winds.

Finally, a passenger sphere floated back into the port and the Bureau’s three top Regulators disembarked, back from a planetside drill that had run long. From her perch on Killian’s shoulder, Carey leaned down to affectionately slap Avi on the back, and he quickly accepted her invitation to join their gang for drinks at the Chug ‘N Squeeze. As Avi led the way out of the port, Carey and Killian hot on his heels while Noelle followed more distantly, there was much hushed rejoicing among their shadowy, impatient observers.

“Finally,” Taako huffed. “I was starting to think he was pulling an all-nighter.”

After checking one last time to make sure the coast was clear, Angus stepped out of his hiding place and reached for the door of the transport sphere, but Magnus grabbed ahold of him by the collar of his shirt.

“Sorry, little guy, but you’re staying behind this time.”

Angus opened his mouth to protest, then closed it again, at a loss for words for the first time since he’d started speaking in complete sentences at age fourteen months.

“It’s nothing personal, Agnes — we just need someone to stay behind and distract Avi if he comes back before we do,” Taako explained. “And no one can resist all your nosy questions once you get going, so you’re the perfect accomplice!”

“I can think of a few people who can resist it,” Merle scoffed. “Number one, me.”

Magnus ignored them both, kneeling down to look at Angus in the eyes. “Ango, if I’m being honest… we had some close calls last time, and that was in a cave where we honestly weren’t expecting to find anything besides a clue or two if we were lucky. Tonight, we’re going to try and get a lich’s attention, so this morning, we all sat down and talked about it and agreed we’ll feel better if you’re safe up here.”

Taako sighed. “Gee, way to let the kid know we actually care about him. Now his ego’s gonna grow until it’s bigger than mine, and then where will I be?”

“It’s okay, sir. I’m sure you and Merle will still find ways to keep me humble.” Angus managed a smile.

“Stay safe, all right?”

“That’s the spirit!” Merle laughed, as Magnus picked him up and placed him inside the sphere. “Now hurry up and set the trajectory, Taako. Barry Bluejeans isn’t gonna arrest himself —”

“Please, hang on just a second!”

Four heads whirled around to face the port’s exit hallway, where Noelle was floating.

“It’s just me, don’t worry!” she assured them, noticing Magnus and Angus’s guilty expressions and Merle and Taako’s panicked ones. “I won’t let the Director hear a peep of this, I promise — but if you’re going after Mr. Bluejeans, I’d like to come with you. If you’ve got room in that sphere, of course.”

“Well, the scale of this lich hunting team is rapidly veering past ‘secret club’ and careening into ‘elaborate conspiracy,’ but… I guess this whole bargain is about your life too, isn’t it?” Magnus thought out loud. “Taako, Merle, are you guys alright with this?”

“A ghost would know where to find another ghost better than any of us would, right?” Merle asked, and Taako shrugged.

“Then welcome to the lich-hunting conspiracy, Noelle,” Magnus declared.

On her way to the sphere, Noelle patted Angus on the head, surprisingly gentle despite her heavy robot arms. “Sorry, pal. I didn’t mean to replace you.”

“It’s okay, ma’am,” Angus told her. “I know you’re better in fights than I am, so… just be sure to keep them safe, okay? And if you get a chance, could you ask Barry if our theory about the Voidfish was right?”

Noelle’s face display flickered, somehow expressing a determined smile with just a few dozen lit-up pixels. “I’ll do my best, I promise.”

***

There were many reasons for a soul not to join the others in the Astral Sea, but most often, it was because they were waiting for someone. Luckily, the person Kravitz wished to speak with was one such soul, so he was able to find her in only a matter of minutes.

There was only one island in the Astral Sea with a cottage on it, after all.

Though expertly constructed, it was clearly unfinished, lacking a door, roof, or windows — so Kravitz knocked on the cedar doorframe, and waited outside for the house’s occupant to respond. Just seconds later, a tall woman with a bandana tied around her hair met him at the doorway, smiling sadly and shaking her head as she laid eyes on Kravitz.

“Oh. You’re the emissary of the Raven Queen. I’m sorry, I — I wasn’t sure if I was hoping or fearing that you were someone else.”

“I understand.” Kravitz said softly. “You’re Julia Waxmen-Burnsides, right?”

“That’s right.” Julia offered him a calloused hand. “Nice to meet — er, formally meet you, Death.”

“Death is my mother. Call me Kravitz,” Kravitz replied as he accepted the handshake, and Julia chuckled.

“Okay, Kravitz. What brings you over to my humble island?”

***

“Well, this spot should be as good as any,” Taako announced, kicking a pebble across the black glass circle that once was Phandalin. “Magnus, did you bring the sacrificial denim?”

“Sure did!” Magnus held up a pair of freshly purchased jeans. “Also some candles, and an ouija board that Carey helped me steal from Leon the other day as part my rogue lessons.”

“Tell Carey that gaslighting Leon is my job, and she needs to quit infringing on my brand.” Taako pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket, tried and failed to draw a circle on the glass, then conjured a paintbrush instead and started painting a pentagram.

Meanwhile, Noelle drifted around haphazardly, the lights on her face growing dim. “It’s… it’s so empty here. I was bracing myself for ruins, for bodies… but there’s just nothin’ left. I can’t even remember where the bar was, or the hotel, or the stables…”

Merle looked away. “Sorry we dropped the ball on this one, Noelle…”

“S’alright. You made up for it in the lab last week, with the savin’ the world and negotiating for my soul an’ all.”

“Well, don’t get too comfortable in your robot body, ‘cause we might not have much time left in the living world if Barry doesn’t show tonight.” Taako placed the jeans in the center of the pentagram, then lit them on fire. “But I think this’ll get his attention. Everyone, come join hands!”

Magnus kneeled and took Taako and Noelle’s hands, while Merle stood up on his tiptoes to do the same.

“You’ve done this before, right?” Merle whispered.

“Plenty of times.” Taako summoned a Mage Hand and adjusted his scarf to cover his nose and mouth, as the fire in the center of their circle intensified. “Noelle? Would you do the honor of reaching out for us?”

“Uh, I’ve never been to a séance quite like this one. Maybe you’d be the better one to —”

“Barry, you asshole! Too much of a coward to show your face!” Merle shouted. “Heard about how I banished Legion and got the heebie-jeebies, didja?”

The ruins of Phandalin fell eerily silent, aside from the quiet crackling of the fire.

“Sorry. Still not detecting any liches,” Noelle reported.

“Well, being a dick didn’t work,” Merle muttered. “Shoulda brought some booze and thrown a party — maybe that would get his lazy ass’s attention.”

“I’m pretty sure liches can’t drink, Merle,” Noelle told him. “And honestly, now that I’m thinkin’ about it, I can’t imagine why Barry would be obligated to haunt this here town just ‘cause it’s where he died. Are y’all sure this is the best place to look for him?”

“Positive,” said Taako, but Magnus spoke over him.

“Maybe we should widen our search area. Quick, what other places would be significant to Barry?”

“How ‘bout the cave where he got his ass kicked?” Merle suggested. “You know, the place where we met G’larg or whatever his name was.”

Magnus let go of Taako and Noelle’s hands to fan the air in front of him. “Well, a hike sure sounds better than standing around inhaling denim fumes, I’ll give you that.”

Taako extinguished the blaze then cast Phantom Steed, and Garyl manifested atop the embers of the fire, rearing into a majestic pose. “Hiking’s for chumps. Garyl and I will race you there!”

***

Julia led Kravitz inside the cottage, which smelled pleasantly of cedar and lavender, and motioned for him to sit down in one of two rocking chairs. She sat in the other, crossing her legs and absentmindedly rocking back and forth.

“So, Maggie went and got on the Raven Queen’s bad side, did he?”

“Not permanently, I’m hoping,” Kravitz replied. “I don’t know him as well as you, but he and his fellow death criminal associates don’t strike me as anything like the usual bounties I hunt. I was hoping you could testify on his moral character, and maybe also shed some light on how he cheated death, because he sure doesn’t seem to know.”

“Well, he’s survived some close battles — but I assume you’re looking for necromancy, not near-death experiences.” Julia drummed her fingers on the arm of the chair. “And I know Magnus is no necromancer.”

“I figured as much. Did he know any necromancers, though?”

Julia shook her head. “No. He’ll stand up to any authority figure if he believes they’re abusing their power, but that’s not because he just walks around looking for rules to break — it’s ‘cause he can’t stand injustice. He’s a good man, and I can’t imagine him throwing his lot in with a lich or someone like that to flaunt the laws of life and death…”

Her voice trailed off. “Do you know how long ago these so-called crimes happened?” she asked.

“They all registered in our system at once, about twelve years ago. Needless to say, I’m assuming he didn’t die 19 distinct times within minutes of each other, so there must’ve been some warding that was previously hiding him from our detection. We’ve seen that kind of thing before, although never quite to the same extent.”

“Twelve years ago was before I knew him,” Julia admitted. “I’m not sure I even know where he was living or what he was doing twelve years ago.”

“Forgive me changing the topic, but are his parents still alive? Or any siblings, aunts, uncles?”

“He was an only child, and his parents passed away before I knew him — I think he was an adult at the time, but barely, so… that would’ve been thirteen, fourteen years ago, maybe? He never told me how they died and I never pressed him, so — wait a second, you’re the Grim Reaper. Shouldn’t you know exactly who’s dead and who isn’t?”

“I really should,” Kravitz agreed, “and that’s the problem, actually. I can’t find any relatives of Magnus in the registry of deceased souls — no parents, no grandparents, no cousins…”

“You only found people who were Magnus’s family by marriage,” Julia realized out loud. “That’s why you came to talk to me.”

Kravitz nodded. “Exactly — but it gets even weirder. Magnus’s fellow adventuring buddies and apparent death criminals are an elf named Taako and a dwarf named Merle, whom I don’t suppose you know —”

Julia gasped, not in recognition, but in dawning realization. “Don’t tell me you can’t find their families, either.”

“All I found for Merle were some fourth cousins, and equally distant relatives. I couldn’t find anything about Taako.”

“The plot sure has thickened, huh?” Julia muttered. “You’re right that I don’t know Merle or Taako, they must’ve been… you know, after my time. But I can swear to you, if this is some kind of — some kind of necromantic conspiracy, then Magnus is the victim, not the one behind it. He could not and would not plan something like this for years while keeping it a secret all this time. He wouldn’t have hid it from me or from Steven —”

“I believe you,” Kravitz told her, “and I believe Magnus, when he says he genuinely doesn’t know how he died nineteen times. But because I believe you, and because I think you’re right on the mark with regards to a necromantic conspiracy, I have one last question: have you ever heard the names Lup or Barry Bluejeans?”

Julia snorted quietly at the latter name, but shook her head. “No. Are they… necromantic conspiracy suspects?”

“You could say that. More specifically, they’re liches whom we first detected around the same time as Magnus. At the time, I assumed it was a coincidence, but now… well, there a few different first impressions of Magnus and his adventuring buddies that I’m reevaluating.”

“Tell me about it. That man contains multitudes.” Julia leaned back in her rocking chair. “If there’s anything else I can do to help exonerate Maggie — any questions or testimony you need — I’m sure you’ll be able to find me here for a long, long time, but… can I ask something of you, if it’s alright?”

“Depends. What is it?”

“Can you help me send a letter?”

***

For the first few hundred feet of the race, Noelle kept up with Taako via her rocket boosters, but then opted to save her fuel, and Garyl surged ahead towards the mountains.

“Eat my dust!” Garyl whinnied. “I’m gonna find those oatssss!”

“Liches, Garyl. We’re looking for liches,” Taako reminded him.

“Yeah, but liches always have some loose spectral oats in their robe pockets!” Garyl scaled the foothills with ease, leaving a cloud of dust in his wake. “Sometimes they even give me spectral sugar cubes! Why dontcha ever hang out with liches anymore?”

Taako yanked on the reins. “Excuse me?”

“You haven’t given me sugar cubes in decades,” Garyl moaned as they came to a halt. “Or even spectral carrots.”

Taako dismounted, turning away from the face of the mountain to look at Garyl in his iridescent rainbow eyes. “You gonna elaborate ‘bout me allegedly hanging out with liches, pal?”

“What is there to elaborate about? You used to hang with liches, and then you just —” Suddenly, Garyl’s eyes went wide. “Look out! Above you!”

Taako dismissed Garyl with a wave of his hand, and the binicorn disappeared in a flash of rainbow smoke. “Yeah, no, I’m not buying that. You’re just pulling my leg again —”

He turned around slowly and casually, not expecting to see anything out of the ordinary — only to find himself facing a crumbling mountainside, dozens of massive boulders already rolling on a trajectory straight towards him.

He instinctively raised his Umbra Staff, only to freeze up, no idea what spell he could cast in time to save himself — but then something in his peripheral vision flashed red, and not a full second later, he was standing atop a distant hill, a hundred meters away from the site of the rockslide.

“Are you okay?” a voice behind him rasped. “I didn’t mean to startle you — I know you probably had it under control, but I — I just panicked. Sorry.”

Taako turned around to face a familiar red-robed specter, two vaguely eye-shaped lights under his hood looking Taako over.

“You know, I was actually pretty un-startled until you popped up behind me and started rasping in my ear! Let an elf have his personal space, Barold!”

“What?” The lights beneath Barry’s hood froze in place, as did every thread of his robe, paralyzed in spite of the gentle breeze. The rasp in his voice dissipated as he went on: “Taako, how much do you remember?!”

Taako blinked. “Remember?”

“Talk to me, Taako! Please!” Barry grabbed Taako by the shoulders, incorporeal hands trembling. “Do you remember your sister? Do you remember Lup?”

“Ugh, that sound! Why do you have to do that right in my face?” Taako shrugged off Barry’s barely-tangible grip, clapping his hands over his ears.

“You heard static?” Barry gasped. “Oh, no. No. I thought —”

“You bet I just heard the worst five seconds of ASMR ever! What do you want from me, man? All I know about Lup is that she’s a lich like you, ‘cause that’s all Kravitz could tell me —”

“Kravitz told you about us?!”

“Yeah, he did! Told me you two were his most elusive bounties, and that I could never let my guard down around you!” Taako reached into the quiver slung over his shoulder, pulling out a sapphire arrow. “And I think it’s about time I gave him a heads up that you’re hanging out right here, soul ready for reaping —”

“Do NOT summon Kravitz!” Just seconds before Taako plunged the arrow into the ground, Barry tore it out of his hand and hurled it through a rift. “Why the fuck would you summon Kravitz?!”

Taako’s grip tightened on his Umbra Staff, and Barry recoiled. The lights under his hood looked like they were melting, shedding glowing droplets that cascaded down some semblance of a face within the void.

“Taako, please,” Barry pleaded. “I’m not your enemy, and — and Lup isn’t either, I swear! She wouldn’t want this!”

Taako raised the Umbra Staff to cast, but no spell fired from the umbrella as it shuddered in his hand.

“You can’t listen to what Kravitz tells you — he doesn’t know why we became liches! He doesn’t know about the Hunger!” Barry’s robe was fraying before Taako’s eyes, crimson threads unraveling at the edges of his sleeves. “What if — what if he thinks you’ve cheated death? What if he sends you to the Eternal Stockade?! Taako, I’m begging you, I — I — I don’t know what I would do if I lost you too!”

Taako cast again, and the Umbra Staff still refused to fire, the beginnings of a spell entering his arcane focus on one end but never leaving it on the other. As Barry drifted closer, sparks jumping between stray red threads and face a mess of swirling light and shadow, Taako turned to his last resort — stalling for time.

“You know, Kravitz was thinking real hard about sending me to ghost jail the other day, but I convinced him not to. Don’t you want to hear my side of the story?”

Barry froze, the unraveling of his robe momentarily halted. “In the Miller lab? What happened?!”

“We made a deal. He was going to arrest me, Magnus, Merle, Lucas, and Noelle — but I got an idea he liked better. I asked if he’d let us go free if we captured another bounty or two for him — so he gave us two months to capture you and Lup.” Taako shrugged, so focused on trying not to panic that he hardly noticed the sound of electricity crackling and fabric tearing. “So if you just turn yourself in, then at least you’ll only have to worry about me half as much.”

Barry convulsed as a jagged gash tore through his robe from shoulder to waist, an intangible darkness spilling out from within him and pooling on the ground below.

“LUP!” he shouted, voice echoing between mountains and through underground lairs for miles and miles. “They — they signed their own death warrant, Lup! I — I can’t do this without them, I can’t do this without you — where ARE YOU?!”

“Taako! There you are!”

Magnus sprinted onto the scene, Merle and Noelle hot on his heels. He thrust himself between Barry and Taako, then pulled a sapphire arrow from his own belt, jabbing it into the shadow-covered ground at Barry’s feet. “Kravitz, we’ve got a bounty for you!”

The lights beneath Barry’s hood coalesced back into two flickering eyes that immediately fixated on the arrow, which was already engulfed in a crackling blue aura.

“Boys, I promise I’m going to fix this,” he rasped, and then vanished into thin air.

“Wait, come back!” Merle called out, rushing towards the spot where Barry had been floating. “I didn’t even get a chance to talk to you —”

Taako yelped as his Umbra Staff inverted, and the arrow flew through the air towards its maw — but milliseconds before the umbrella snapped shut around it, Kravitz manifested in a puff of smoke, already dual-wielding sapphire scythes.

“Did you find Barry? Where is he?”

“He got away, I think,” Magnus sighed. “I probably shouldn’t have summoned you where he could see, but I rushed in because I was so worried about him hurting Taako —”

Noelle floated around Taako in tight circles, scanning him from all angles. “It doesn’t look he hurt you, but… I’m getting some traces of conjuration magic? Did you have a wizard’s duel or something?”

“Oh, god no. I probably wouldn’t be alive if we had,” Taako admitted. His heart was still pounding, but he tried not to let it show. “Conjuration magic, though… let’s see. That would probably be from when he — when he teleported me away from the mountain, after those rocks started falling.”

“Those rocks?” Noelle gestured towards the massive pile of rubble at the foot of the nearest mountain. “Those look like they could’ve killed you!”

“I know, right?” Taako replied. “Very uncharacteristically benevolent of him to show up when he did.”

“As great as it is that you’re not dead, Taako, it was also very convenient of him to show up when he did,” Kravitz paced across the hilltop, scythes crossed in front of him like the world’s most dangerous dowsing rods. “I can’t sense his presence anymore, meaning he’s squirreled himself away in some sort of warded hideout… but if he appeared out in the open here only shortly after you did, then that hideout of his must be nearby.”

He turned away from Taako, facing the mountains. “Which means he’s still nearby.”

Taako felt his hand grow warm, and looked down to see his Umbra Staff, energized from the absorption of the arrow… and pointing directly at Kravitz’s back.

“Let’s search the area.” Kravitz continued. “Leave no stone unturned —”

Taako pointed the Umbra Staff towards the sky — not a moment too soon. A beam of white-hot plasma pierced the clouds above and bathed the entire mountain range in daylight for a fleeting moment, before it fizzled out with a crackle of electricity and a whiff of ozone.

Kravitz whirled around. “Taako?!”

“I didn’t cast that spell! I don’t know how to cast that kind of spell!” Taako gasped. “My umbrella’s been acting up all night, but I didn’t know it could act up like this!”

Kravitz sighed and placed a hand on Taako’s shoulder.

“You know, on second thought,” he said, “maybe we should postpone the lich hunting until you get that thing checked out.”

***

Merle made a beeline for his bed the second the gang returned to the moonbase, while Taako took it upon himself to relay the night’s events to Angus as a bedtime story, and hopefully ensure that the kid actually got some sleep. Noelle had opted to stay planetside for a little longer and fly back up to the moon on her own later, explaining that she needed some time alone to process what had happened in Phandalin, and that left Magnus and Kravitz alone in the common room between the Reclaimers’ individual dorms.

“There’s no way Angus will relax enough to fall asleep in the next week if he hears about what happened tonight,” Magnus sighed, collapsing onto the couch. “Either Taako lies and says nothing happened, or he uses a sleep spell on a ten year old. You wanna make a bet on which?”

“I’ll pass. But you just reminded me, I actually have something for you.” Kravitz rifled through the interior pockets of his vest, pulling out a piece of shimmering blue paper. Although folded over on itself several times, it still felt almost intangibly thin, like parchment woven from cobwebs or even air itself.

Magnus raised an eyebrow, skeptical. “That better not be magical junk mail.”

Kravitz smiled, slowly shaking his head. “I spoke with someone in the Astral Plane today who had a lot of good things to say about you,” he explained. “She’s waiting to see you again, but hopes that day won’t come too soon, and… well, I haven’t read her letter, but I’m sure it speaks for itself.”

Magnus accepted the paper gingerly, eyes tearing up as he unfolded it to reveal Julia’s handwriting.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Kravitz plucked a raven feather from his robe, transmuting it into a quill pen with a snap of his fingers before handing it to Magnus. “I don’t allow this kind of thing every day, so don’t go around telling too many people about it — but you can use this pen to write a response on the back. Fold it up again once you’re done, and it’ll make its way back to her.”

Magnus leapt up from the couch to crush Kravitz in a hug that would’ve knocked the air out of his lungs, had he still been alive and breathing.

“Thank you,” Magnus repeated. “Thank you —”

Taako barged into the room, Umbra Staff slung over his shoulder. “You wanna guess what ‘cha boi had to do to get the kid to go to sleep? I’ll give you a hint, it wasn’t — okay, what am I interrupting here?”

A joke no doubt on the tip of his tongue, he froze as he noticed the tears running down Magnus’s face. “You okay there?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” Magnus let go of Kravitz, wiping his eyes and picking up the pen and letter again. “I — I’ll be in my room. I need some time to… I just need some time.”

Taako nodded. “Don’t forget to get some sleep yourself. Apparently you humans need, like, eight hours of it, go figure.”

“He’ll be alright,” Kravitz whispered to Taako, as Magnus closed the door to his room. “He just got a letter from someone he hadn’t heard from in a while.”

“‘Course he’ll be alright. He’s Magnus, he’s indestructible,” Taako replied, but Kravitz could hear the relief in his voice. “And in case you were wondering, the way to get Angus to fall asleep is to read him a detective story, but only as a distraction while you’re preparing a Sleep spell.”

Kravitz chuckled. “You know, speaking of distracting — what’s with that flashing Chug ‘N Squeeze sign on the moon campus? I don’t think it was there when I visited you the other day.”

“Oh, that? I think it’s some kinda wine and pottery place — why, you wanna check it out? ‘Cause it’s supposed to open in a day or two, or so says all the hottest moon gossip.”

“Well, I mostly just asked out of morbid curiosity, but it does sound like something I could enjoy ironically — and maybe even unironically, as a break from all this lich hunting and detective work. Do you want to check it out with me?”

“Oh, a wine and clay vacation day with the Grim Reaper? That’s a hell yeah from Taako!”

***

The second Barry returned to his cave, he bolted straight for an unassuming chest beneath a pile of discarded scrolls and tattered jeans. Though it only occupied about two cubic feet, it was warded against everything from fire to water to acid, and sealed with an arcane lock — which Barry dismissed by uttering the passcode, emergency bonds.

From inside, he retrieved a handful of trinkets — a driftwood necklace from Merle, a wand that Magnus had once unsuccessfully tried to summon a dog familiar with, and most important of all, a dozen different wedding rings, all hewn from different materials and given in different ceremonies on entirely different worlds. Barry picked up the envelope beneath them and then gingerly placed them back in the chest, opening the envelope to look through the pictures it contained.

The shadowy essence of his lich form had stopped leaking out of his robe the second he’d opened the chest and been comforted with the wave of nostalgia, but he felt his soul stabilize even further as he pulled out the first picture. It was a candid shot of him, Lup, and Taako in the Starblaster’s lab, buried up to their elbows in notes as they studied the Light of Creation, which the camera had only been able to capture as a vague white blur. The three of them all had bags under their eyes, but they were still smiling. They’d been so determined to develop a new theory, to find the answers that would save them and their family.

And there was no reason for Barry to abandon that determination or give up on that goal now.

For the next four hours, he scrawled calculations on almost every blank scrap of paper he had at his disposal, comparing research he’s done half a century ago with papers he’d read on cycles even further back. He unfurled no less than five individual maps of Faerun, circling promising locations before changing his mind and scratching out all but a few that he’d personally visited in the past.

By the time his plan was complete, almost all of the rips in his robe had mended themselves — though he still looked unsettlingly threadbare, and he trembled slightly even while floating in one place.

How long did Taako say they have? Two months, as of the crystal incident? There’s no need to panic — I’ve got time. I just need to play this smart.

He extended his senses outside of his lair, scanning the surrounding area for Kravitz or another emissary of the Raven Queen — and there was indeed an undead presence lurking near Phandalin, but unlike Kravitz, it lacked even the faintest trace of celestial energy. Even stranger, its aura seemed shielded, but less so than a lich possessing a living body would’ve been… as if the soul was inhabiting an inorganic body, instead.

The robot no doubt sensed him approaching, but gave no sign of signalling for help, which made Barry feel much better about his decision to venture out of the safety of his cave.

“Mister Bluejeans? That you?” she asked, and the sound of her voice was all it took for Barry to connect a series of dots that couldn’t have been further from his mind just a few moments ago.

“I know you. You were in the Cosmoscope — and before that, you were in Phandalin. You were a halfling.”

“That’s right. I’m Noelle — Noelle Redcheeck. I’m surprised you remembered me.”

“I’m surprised you’re not furious with me,” Barry whispered. “I couldn’t save you, or anyone else in Phandalin — I’m so sorry, Noelle. Maybe, maybe, if I’d been in my lich form, I could’ve —”

“You tried your best,” Noelle assured him, “just like the Reclaimers. Really, the only person I should blame is whoever made that terrifying gauntlet in the first place —”

“No,” Barry interrupted. “I knew her, and I knew how implausible this will sound, but she didn’t want this. She tried her best to stop it, too.”

Noelle took a moment to reply. “It sounds like you know a lot of things that the Bureau doesn’t.”

Barry nodded. “Speaking of which… I really shouldn’t stay out here in one place for much longer, or someone will sense me, be it the Bureau or Kravitz. Do you mind if we take this conversation somewhere else?”

“Just lead the way.”

They headed not to Barry’s main hideout, but to a slightly nearer cave that he used mainly for storage but had placed equally powerful wards over. Abjuration had never been his specialty, but his ability to pick it up on the fly had been invaluable during his time as a rogue lich — and now, he thought, my abjuring might be the one thing that saves my family’s lives. Funny how that works out.

“So, Noelle,” he asked out loud, “I saw you with Magnus and Merle earlier. Do they know you’re still down here?”

“I told them I wanted to stick around Phandalin for a while and think about what happened,” Noelle explained. “Which, come to think of it, wasn’t a total lie — because I did want to talk to you about Phandalin, and I guess I got that chance after all. But I’m also here because I promised my detective friend that I’d ask you something.”

“Assuming your friend’s alive, then they probably won’t even be able to comprehend the whole answer — but fire away, and I’ll tell you what I can.”

“Did the Voidfish erase the fact that you were a lich?”

“Getting right to the root of the problem, huh?” Barry paused. “Hmm. Let me put it this way — the Voidfish erased all memories that could make me believe I was a lich. Whenever I’m alive, whenever I’m amnesiac, the idea that I could be a lich or even a necromancer just sounds like a joke. I’ve tried leaving messages to remind myself of that fact, after coming back to life — but my living self never believed it.”

“It sounded like a joke to Magnus and the others, too.”

Barry sighed. “That’s ‘cause they’ve lost a lot of memories of their own.”

“But… they’re innoculated. How is that possible?”

“Noelle, we’re well past the point where I need to warn you about keeping this conversation a secret from the Bureau, right? And… probably from your detective friend, too, assuming they work for the Director?”

“Yeah,” Noelle sighed. “Angus will be disappointed, but I understand.”

“There’s a second Voidfish,” Barry explained. “It’s very well guarded, and only the Director’s been innoculated by it — so she’s used it to erase all kinds of information, from the Reclaimers’ pasts to… a coming storm, which this world is unlikely to survive.”

“This storm… will it be worse than the Grand Relics? Worse than what happened to Phandalin?”

“It’ll be not just worse, but maybe even infinitely worse. Because it’ll go on to destroy worlds beyond this one, if we let it.”

Barry had forgotten what it felt like to speak so freely about his past and the Hunger, to speak without worrying that his words would be distorted by static, and more and more information just poured out, far more than he’d initially intended to share.

“There is an entity called the Hunger that seeks to consume all of existence, and it’s only a matter of months until it begins its assault on this planar system. The Director and the Reclaimers and I, we were all like family, and we worked together in search of a way to destroy this Hunger, but… we had some disagreements. And really, neither side was right, but Lucretia — Lucretia used the Voidfish to erase our whole mission, the Hunger included. I became a lich to protect my family from the Hunger, so… when I’m alive, I don’t have any memory of being undead. And my family doesn’t have any memories of me… aside from that time in Phandalin when I got Merle to stab himself with a fork, I guess, which probably didn’t leave a great impression.” He managed a bitter laugh.

“How long ago did they forget?”

“Almost ten years ago.”

“I’m so sorry.”

It dawned on Barry that he was having most sincere, two-sided conversation he’d experienced in a decade — and ironically, the realization left him at a loss for words.

The same couldn’t be said of Noelle, who continued on without hesitation. “I promised my friend Angus not just that I’d get answers, but also that I’d look out for the Reclaimers. I don’t want the Grim Reaper, or the apocalypse, or whatever’s coming to hurt them — or anyone else in this world, like Angus, or Carey and Killian, or my family in Hogsbottom — so please, Mister Bluejeans, tell me what I can do to help. I want to do something with this extra time the Reclaimers gave me.”

“If you get caught helping me,” Barry warned her, “you’ll be imprisoned one way or another — either on the moonbase, or in the Eternal Stockade, depending on who catches you.”

“Well first of all, it sounds like at the rate I’m going, I’m gonna end up either back in the Astral Plane, or consumed by this Hunger entity in a matter of months if I don’t do anything to help you,” Noelle replied. “And second of all, I’m not plannin’ to just give up and let them arrest me if I do get caught.” She cocked her arm cannon.

Maybe it was risky to accept help from someone he barely knew, but Noelle had seemed nothing but sincere — and Barry had spent so long working alone that frankly, he was amazed it hadn’t killed him yet. He was a creature of bonds and of love; he sought out companionship by both nature and necessity. He didn’t know if he could do this alone, but alongside another undead soul who could actually understand and help, he knew for a fact that he could.

“Welcome aboard, Noelle.” Barry chuckled. “First things first: I’ve tried to stay out of the Raven Queen and her servants’ ways, because they’re really not evil at all, but if there’s any chance of stopping the Hunger, then we’ll need Taako and the others’ help for sure. Which means we’re going to have to do something about the Grim Reaper situation —”

“You know, I might have something to help with that.” A drawer Noelle’s main body slid open, revealing a sapphire-tipped arrow. “Magnus figured we should all have some summoning beacons on our person, in case of emergency.” She winked. “But I was thinkin’ we could use it to lure him into some kinda sinister trap.”

She paused. “He can’t eavesdrop on us through this thing, can he?”

“Not if we don’t say his name. But I’d close that drawer for now, just to be on the safe side.” Barry said as he summoned a scroll and pen, then started jotting down notes. “This is all perfect, though! I already hashed out the spell theory for a plan, but you just made it about a billion times easier to pull off — not just because of the arrow, but because you can gather components, and I won’t have to risk him sensing my location and realizing what I’m up to!”

“Makes sense,” Noelle replied, looking over Barry’s list. “That’s all you need me to get?”

“Yeah. I was thinking most of it would be salvageable from the Miller Lab — uh, except maybe the iron filings, which are commercially available anyway.”

Noelle beamed. “I won’t let you down, Mister Bluejeans.”

“Thank you, Noelle.” Barry looked down at his robe, which looked less tattered and more vibrantly red than he’d seen it in years. “For everything.”

***

End notes:

Apologies in advance if the update schedule gets a bit less consistent from here on out, since I’ve burned through my pre-written buffer chapters, but I’ve at least got a solid chunk of Chapter 6 written and a detailed outline for the chapters after that! It’s just about getting into the write headspace to write.

as usual, comments/reblogs mean a lot!

#taz #taz balance #taako taaco #kravitz taz #taakitz #barry bluejeans #no-3113 #angus mcdonald #magnus burnsides #merle highchurch #julia burnsides #lup taaco #fic: FTRALA #rosalia talks #taz balance spoilers

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elekinetic · 5 years

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do they vape? taz balance editon

magnus: hell no! vaping is bad for you

taako: yes. has a bedazzled holographic vape pen with a fuzzy keychain on the end. tries to do smoke rings and shit but can’t so he tries to magic it but fails miserably. has never been more frustrated in his life

barry: occasionally. was peer pressured into it a couple of times. if he’s drunk and the flavor is strawberry pinapple limeade, he might. it makes his stomach hurt edit: he does chainsmoke but does not vape. call him old fashioned (taako: or just old!)(barry: what the fuck man you’re literally like 150 years older than me what)

davenport: doesn’t vape! is actually straight-edge because this goddamn gnome is high on LIFE

merle: this little dwarf can fit so many goddamn juuls in it. merle vapes like there is no tomorrow. he has a portable rig that he can pop open from his bag of holding that is at least 4 by 4 feet large. also a master of vape tricks. knows how to do nearly everything just by watching someone do it once. taako flips his SHIT. it turns into the “adam” vine but seriously violent. the magnus-arm-crystal incident is nearly forgotten. (nearly)

lucretia: does not vape. knows it’s terrible for her (girl lost 20 years already) and also: smoke a doobie like a real man. she does smoke weed and one time merle walked in on her hotboxing one of the closets in her office and immediately pulled out a bong. (tears were shed.)

lup: vapes and only vapes to do tricks in front of taako since he can’t. other than that, she does not vape.

angus: that is a CHILD sir no way. also, angus took it upon himself to steal as many peoples vapes as he could (why the hell are they smoking these!! didn’t they read the articles i showed them??) lup did not notice, barry’s vape is expired, taako caught angus trying to take his and merle’s shit is soul bound to him so

kravitz: nah. not into the whole drug thing. also doesn’t need it bc his breath is already so cold that he always looks like he’s vaping

killian: does not vape

carey: does not vape, but is obsessed with those liquid nitrogen ice creams that make it look like you’re vaping bc she wants to do tricks. her and magnus spend 18 hours straight at the new shop when it opens in neverwinter.

lucas: yes oh my god this fool invented a new type of vape pen that he tried to get everyone at the bureau to try. taako stopped vaping for a month to spite him.

other people who vape: that weird gerblin from htbg, juicy wizard, jenkins, cassidy, paloma, the prince guy of neverwinter, lydia and edward, john hunger, avi, johann

others who don’t: klaarg, sloane and hurley, captain captain bane, no-3LL3 (she’s a robot!!), roswell, istus

special shoutout to the inventor of the vape himself and the only person or being that can rival merle’s usage/addiction:

garfield the deals warlock

#taz balance #taako #lup #magnus burnsides #merle highchurch #barry bluejeans #lucretia #davenport #balance #taz #the adventure zone #mcelroys

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jq37 · 3 years

Text

The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 2

The Case of the Dismal Dinner

Summary

Welcome back to our flashback/Tisch fight already in progress where we learn what Daisy and Sly’s shared look was about while Rekha and Grant go for the proverbial jugular emotionally. It’s 12 years ago and Sylvester is tracking down a stolen diadem, the very same diadem that he sees Daisy swipe off the thief who has it (a jackal named Roscoe McCoy in case that matters). Sly swipes it back from her and, when she notices, she sniffs it down to his train car where he is sitting in the dark, waiting for her. He doesn’t turn the lights on, opting instead to dramatically strike a match to light his pipe, illuminating himself sitting in a big chair, holding the stolen item.

Daisy tries to bluff like she’s Virginia Chase, the owner of the diadem, but Sly knows that’s not true because he was hired by the real Virginia to track it down. Daisy is usually a better liar than this but she is insta-smitten by this figurative and literal fox and it’s throwing her off her game. But before they can continue their little tete-a-tete, they hear a gunshot ring out from Daisy’s room and know Roscoe and his guys are coming after her. Sly stuffs Daisy in a trunk before the boys show up and they actually seem a little impressed to meet him, him being a famous detective and all, but a Nat 1 deception means they hear Daisy being huffy in the chest and a fight/escape scene that Brennan takes over narration for ensues.

After that, Sly and Daisy become close really quickly and partners in both senses of the word. Daisy tells him she’s an American PI and they work together on cases, travel the world, and become engaged within the year. But, the day before the wedding, when Sly is alone, he discovers all the documentation proving that Daisy lied about who she is, is actually a criminal, and has been using their partnership to sell information to other criminals.

She shows up and tries to pretend like she’s being set up but he replies, “You being duped is the only lie you’ve told I can’t believe.” He says that being with her changed him. He didn’t think he had it in him to actually love another person. He forgives her. He still wants to get married. Daisy is thrown by this reaction. She tells him she’s not gonna change for him and he might as well leave her. She’s being all unapologetic femme fatale about it but he gets the sense that under her bravado she’s low key pleading with him to give up on her. He doesn’t want to. He can’t. He still shows up the next day in his wedding tux. Daisy is nowhere to be seen. When he goes home, there’s a deerstalker cap on his porch and a note that just reads “-D”.

And we snap back to the present where Daisy is trying to figure out if she can take advantage of Lucretia’s fascination with the occult and all the rich vulnerable people present to make some money. Meanwhile, Sly has been totally rocked by seeing Daisy and is drowning his sorrows at the bar with Ollie, the otter bartender. Squire Badger (which is what I’ll be calling William) shows up and, in not so many words, threatens Sly for having not solved the case and making a fool of him. He says, “You’re not gonna rub my nose in this.” Move your nose then bitch, says Sly on a dirty 20 intimidation check. He’s sad about girl problems, not you! Squire Badger is scared off, but he looks like he knows something that Sly doesn’t. That someone is coming for him.

Buckster (and Ian too btw) clocked the above conversation and sidles up to Sly at the bar. See, not only does Buckster know about Sly and Daisy’s history, he knew it was happening *while* it was happening. Sly used up all his cool swagger on the Squire so by the time Buckster shows up he’s a whole mess over Daisy. Buckster starts implying that maybe they can help each other out since they both dislike the Squire and with Sly’s Nat 20 Insight, they can totally clock each other’s double meanings perfectly. It’s a very cool game thing where Sly and Buckster are having an innocuous conversation about the weather or whatever but Grant and Sam are just saying what they mean. It’s like they’re having a telepathic conversation. Sly agrees that the enemy of his enemy is his friend and he’ll go along with Buck’s plans as long as he can keep his hands clean, even if he doesn’t really care for Buck himself.

At the same time Gangie is in the kitchens getting fed (see the notes for a full list of kitchen staffers and other NPCs) and after the staff leaves, Gangie is told by Ambrose Harding (the Squire’s turtle valet) that there’s is business for him to attend to after dinner.

Buckster talks to Lawrence Longfoot--the rabbit photographer from last ep who we learn runs a trash newspaper. He and Buck bond over being trash and he gets a pic of Sly and Buck together.

Vicar Ian goes to talk to the Squire and basically tries to (openly) suss out whether the money was a bribe or a setup or what? Like, people are fully there (including the Lady Fawnbrook and her gossipy cat wife Tabitha). They snipe at each other a bit and then the Squire reveals that he’s talked him up to the Cardinal and the Cardinal agreed that he’s such a good vicar, he should be moved to Siberia. The decision has already been made and Ian doesn’t have the pull in the church to do anything about it. Yikes.

Before dinner, the rat butler catches Buck and asks if he has time to talk to Squire Badger. Buck agrees to go with him and he’s taken to the billiards room where the Squire is along with Harding and James Hawkins, Squire’s Hawk war buddy (a literal war hawk). Buck immediately puts his foot in his mouth by messing up the Squire’s title with his American ignorance of British peerage rules which annoys him, the elitism of it all. The Squire’s friends leave and then Buck starts talking about PR and how this whole situation has been bad PR for the Squire and it would be a shame if his PR got even worse. The suggestion of blackmail sends the Squire into a full honey badger don’t care style rage and he knocks TF out of Buck, flips the pool table, and then catches himself and scurries off. Daisy, Sly, and Gangie all hear this conversation from their positions in the house via the pipes running through the manor. Buck picks himself up and, on a 25, realizes that two of the mouse maids were hiding behind a curtain, hearing the whole thing (specifically, Edwina Thimble and Carolyn Dickory--oh like hickory dickory doc, BRENNAN) . They were playing hooky so he flips them a coin each and they all agree that no one saw or heard anything. “Two blind mice, see how they run,” he quips as they leave (sidenote, what a morbid nursery rhyme to exist in that world--to be fair, it’s pretty morbid as is).

Lucretia decides to turn the séance into a post dinner séance but still brings Daisy and Lars to see her occult room which is full of crap from, as Rekha said, “1800s Party City”. Lucretia does a hilariously vague read on Daisy and says that there’s something happening with her involving a man she knew or maybe still knows but she’s in her feelings about Sly so it kinda shakes her up. She tries to get Lucretia to charge for her “””incredible gift””” (so she can skim off the top of course) but Lucretia thinks it would be a misuse of her ~talents~. She does give Daisy an incredibly broad as to be useless even if magic exists blessing before she leaves.

Once she does, Daisy scopes out the room (which she realizes must have been retrofitted for Lucretia and wasn’t previously a séance room) and sees that the one thing in the room that doesn’t really match the aesthetic is a giant portrait of one of the previous squire badgers. On a 24 she notices two things: (1) the painting has recently been restored with new paint and (2) the frame is bolted to the wall. She wants to check it out but Lars is right there so she makes a note to check it out later and leaves.

Lars, being a very ride or die friend for Sly, bounds after her and basically calls her trash and tries to tempt her with garbage so she’ll lose composure and start chowing down. She drools at the sight but keeps it together and leaves. Lars runs off to tell Sly that they were a good good dog and gives him a full play by play.

Gangie meanwhile is watching a small argument between the butler and Harding in the servant’s quarters hallway and he realizes that he’s being talked about in veiled language. The butler is questioning Gangie’s employment and Harding says that, as servants, they shouldn’t question their master and that Gangie is employed for reasons that Squire Badger is aware of and reasons he is not. Hmm. Gangie realizes that Harding knows about his past which is weird because Gangie’s criminal record doesn’t follow him. There’s no internet. So what reason would this guy have to know about him?

Gangie doesn’t like this and decides to dip and steal some silverware on the way out. Mrs. Molesley (who I’ll be calling Mrs. M from now on) helps him (lol I’m not entirely sure if she didn’t know what he was doing or if she’s just down with stealing) and says that she’s been working there since Squire Badger was in diapers (she was his nanny) and if anyone bullies Gangie, she’ll take care of them. She also offers to make him a sweater so he doesn’t get cold and she’s just so nice that Gangie has to say yes. He looks to make sure no one is around and gives her a dandelion he picked. Cute!!!

And now it’s time for dinner and our very first box of doom roll for the most terrifying encounter of all: how close you have to sit next to your bitter ex! This is of course for Sly and Daisy with higher than a 15 meaning they don’t have to sit next to each other and anything lower meaning they have to sit pretty close. It is the first BOD roll I’ve ever wanted them to fail (mmm, except maybe Adaine’s werewolf roll but that’s a different conversation).

It’s in the 6-10 bracket which means they’re sitting across from each other (below that would have been them next to each other). Everyone is seated based on how on Squire Badger’s shitlist they are. So you have Ian at the absolute back. Sly to his right and Daisy on his left. The Buckster and Lars to the right and left after that. Then Armond (armadillo lawyer guy) and a snail guy because Brennan is a madman who cannot be stopped. Constance (Squire’s daughter) makes a toast to her dad wishing him well even though they haven’t always seen eye to eye (hmmm).

Buckster fills in Daisy on his confrontation with the Squire quietly enough that no one else hears. Daisy then turns to Sly and says she hopes they can be civil. Sly is like, “Sure Ms. DUMPSTER.” They’re the kind of exes who know exactly how to hurt each other but are also super open to being hurt. Emotional glass cannons is how Brennan describes it.

Buckster is given a note by Harding from Squire Badger and, once dinner is over, he takes Daisy off to the side to read it. Gangie follows, unseen. Ian, who recently prayed to God and got not super clear results goes to talk to Luecretia to see if maybe ghosts can help him instead. She is, as usual, not super helpful but does rush out to get her very necessary ritual dagger and declares to everyone that if anyone sees a ghost they have to tell her. As she says this, there is a flash of lightning and, through the window, Sylvester sees just for a moment the form of his nemesis, Fletcher Cottonbotton (who is by the docks).

Anyway, Buckster reads the note. It’s a document from the Squire selling his interest in BB Industries (Buck’s oil company) to Hazel Hogswallop who is another small shareholder in BB Industries. But, in doing so, it names Josiah Jackrabbit (one of his competitors) her proxy which means he’ll be able to vote on things (and with a lot of power with all that stock). The contract was written in fresh ink which means (1) it was probably written after their fight and (2) hasn’t been mailed yet (I smell a heist attempt). Buck rolls insight on the writing (mastermind rogue ability) and with a 27 senses that the Squire has gone off his rocker. This isn’t going to make him any money. Josiah doesn’t have enough liquid cash to pay him what this is worth. And the thing with Hazel would have taken time to set up. This has been in the works for a while and he’s been sitting on it until the time was right. And he senses, like Sly and Gangie did earlier, that someone besides the Squire is pulling the strings.

Then Gangie suddenly hears Constance’s distressed voice through the pipes from upstairs: “Father you’re possessed! You’re a mad man! This will never work. Speak of this to me never again.” And she slams the door (Buck, Daisy, and Gangie all hear). Constance comes downstairs and Squire Badger follows, looking upset. Mrs. M checks in on him too see if he’s eaten and he kind of gruffly has her follow him (along with Mr. Harding) into the drawing room.

There is a scream. Something drops. Silence. Footsteps. A door opens. Then a voice, “My God!”

Everyone rolls initiative. Ian moves first and, upon hearing all the commotion, gathers everyone together to go towards the sound (interesting choice but sure). Daisy recognizes that the scream heard was Mrs. M but barely knows who she is. She goes towards the commotion anyway. Gangie also goes towards the scream. Buckster grabs his gun (well he says “weapon”, but it’s gotta be a gun, right?) and makes like he’s following her but actually hides. Lars and Sylvester go towards the scream.

With everyone gathered, Ambrose opens the door. Inside they see Mrs. M, her hands covered in blood (my guess? From trying to stop the bleeding), kneeling on the ground over the dead body of the Squire. The room is a mess and stuff is scattered everywhere. There is a bloody knife in the Squire’s hand and a stab wound over his heart. Ms. M, who is distressed as hell, says there was something wrong with him. There was a flash, and she looked down and he was stabbing himself. Everyone thinks this is suspicious as hell. She was the only one in the room. Everyone looks to Sly, the famous detective who is not in the presence of a murder case in progress. What does Sly say? “Lady Lucretia. I’ve seen a ghost.”

Case Notes

I have to acknowledge how ON FIRE Grant was this episode. Like everyone was. Buck was great with the Squire. Daisy and Lars sniping at each other was fun. But man Grant had so many good lines. The “move your nose”. The heartbreak with Daisy (ugh, so sad!) And that blackout line!!! I am biased towards foxes as you can see from my avatar so I am very here for this great fox rep.

Based on the way their staredown went last ep I kinda thought Daisy was the wronged party but ugh. Slyyyyyyy. He forgave herrrrrrr. And he still went to the alter. Daisy how you could youuuuuuu?

Also, sigh, Fox and the Hound. I keep getting hit with these after the fact.

I loved Rekha’s “Of the Chase Sapphire’s?” improv.

That racoon/mink line was so sleazy. Weird compliment but Brennan is good at being animal-racist. Sidenote, Daisy makes a comment about being careful being a fox in England which I presume is a ref to fox hunting and like the implication of that are como se dice troubling.

Here are all the new NPCs for this ep and here’s a full NPC guide that also includes the list of names Gangie gave Buck which Buck shares with Daisy this ep.

And on that topic I can’t get over the concept of a married couple named Millie Molton and Mollie Milton. Like, did they get married solely for the bit???

The best Ian-ism of the ep was him talking about getting rejected from Siberia. Poor guy.

Fave OOC moment was everyone at the table getting aggressively patriotic in response to the Squire being dismissive to Buck. There is nothing funnier than someone singing a purposefully overwrought version of I’m Proud to Be An American.

“It’s 2020 for us bitch!”

The moment Mrs. M said she was gonna make Gangie a sweater I was scared for her. Sweaters take a long time to get made. I was like oh no. The plot is gonna stop you from making that sweater isn’t it. I’m willing to be proven wrong (Brennan loves his maids with secrets, see: Cathilda) but she seems super sweet and if anything happens to her I’m going to be upset.

What’s behind the painting Brennan. I know there’s a door. I know this house is full of secret tunnels and revolving bookshelves and all that. Let me see it!

One great little moment was when there was a flash of lightning and the minis for Sly and Lars like stop motion moved to look at it. Just great attention to detail. The work that gets put into this show is incredible.

Edit: A note I forgot to mention. There’s gotta be a secret door in the room where it happened, right? Like, creep in, flash of light to mess up her vision, do some shenanigans, peace out.

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #mice and murder #mice and murder spoilers #the case file #(just under the wire! I had a busy week guys.)

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