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nienna-talks-asscreed · 3 years

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Assassin's Creed: Rogue is so much better than it has any right to be

I honestly haven’t been in the Assassin’s Creed fandom all that long. It was something I finally got into because of the pandemic (and maybe a touch of “I just graduated from college oh god what do I do with my life?”), but it’s something I fell in love with almost instantly. Looking into the fanbase and its opinions has definitely been an experience -- one that I confidently can say I would not recommend to everyone -- but, unsurprisingly, it’s made me incredibly amused by my own opinions.

Because, well, Rogue is far and away my personal favorite game of this franchise. You know, the game that Ubisoft itself seems to forget even exists. And which people online seem to deem either insanely underrated or aggressively mediocre. As for me? I fall more closely on the “underrated” side of that argument, though that’s not to say the game is without flaws.

Of course it’s not. It has its own issues and such that I can -- and will -- talk about, but it’s also got its highs that mean a whole lot to me.

That said, I won’t be talking about every aspect of the game in-depth. I’d rather use my words in areas where I actually have detailed opinions and thoughts. Though I will do a quick summary of those things here at the top.

General mechanics: great. Stealth feels fantastic, movement feels fluid and on-par with the rest of the Kenway saga. Naval gameplay is spectacular. I actually played Rogue before Black Flag and honestly find it more fitting to my personal playstyle, so I love it. If you want a more detailed look at technical stuff about things like freerunning and combat and the like, I’d check out other people’s thoughts; I just don’t feel super qualified to speak on this, given that my personal repertoire of games I’ve played isn’t super wide.

Setting: beautiful. This is an Assassin’s Creed game -- they’re gonna get this part right. I regularly go back to the North Atlantic just to sail around because it’s so damn pretty. More of the Seven Years War might’ve been nice, but it’s not a time period I personally know much about, so it just didn’t bother me that it wasn’t a huge thing.

Side content: varies. Assassin interceptions were actually pretty cool and I liked the story at the end. The rest is pretty forgettable. The optional outfits look real good in this game, but, as everyone has already said, there are too many collectibles. Although, isn’t that just a staple of Assassin’s Creed games up through Syndicate?

Mission structure: felt good to me. Only one tailing mission, which is always nice. Other than that, it just felt like good ol’ Assassin’s Creed gameplay without ever feeling too repetitive for me. Again, if this is something you want to know more about, you’re probably better off looking somewhere else for information. Sorry? Just not exactly my cup of tea.

The Versailles Sequence/Unity tie-in: look, I can scream about this for ages, and that probably doesn’t belong here. I’ll mention this a bit a the end, but that full rant will be saved for another day.

I think that about covers it. So let’s get going. Oh, and spoilers ahead. Obviously.

*****

The Modern Day

Let’s just jump in with this whole topic by saying that, personally, I think the modern day is fine. Nothing to write home about, but nothing that’s egregious or anything. I’m still not a fan of getting pulled out of the historical part of the game, but I never really have been in any of these games. But it does what it’s supposed to do, and it’s built on, what I consider to be, at least an interesting idea. Because this is the Templar game, you’re playing as an Abstergo employee who, presumably, joins the Templars sometime shortly post-game, and ending the modern day story with that offer is kind of interesting. It’s the kind of story that only really makes sense in the context of Rogue, so I understand why this is what they chose to do, and the story does feel like it moves toward that ending. Not high praise, sure, but it just works for me. Plus, I’m not really bothered by this first person player, because I never feel like I have to be all too attached to their story. I never feel like I’m missing something because I’m not connecting with a full-on character like Desmond or Layla. I’m allowed to go “oh, okay, so things are just happening but I don’t need to devote that much time into this, cool, thanks.” (Honestly, this is something that I might talk about elsewhere, so I’ll leave it at that for now).

You also don’t need to do any of the side content that comes with the modern day to actually understand what’s happening, but doing so does give you some interesting lore, if that’s what you want. Which is, honestly, how I think side content should be handled in these games. You can learn about other Pieces of Eden, history regarding the Animus, or just stuff about Berg (who ends up becoming a weirdly prominent character in the franchise despite coming from this game, of all places). It’s really cool deposition, but completely off to the side of the main story, and I appreciate it being there.

So, yeah, overall, I just don’t really have major beef with the modern day. It’s unobtrusive, which, sometimes, is all you can ask for these days.

*****

The Historical Storyline

Alright, time to have a bit more fun, now.

You follow the story of Shay Cormac, an ex-Assassin who grew disillusioned with the Brotherhood and joined the Templars. And the game introduces you into that world in a pretty enjoyable fashion -- swooping through the North Atlantic and following the eagle as Shay monologues in the background is really dramatic, and it’s the kind of drama that I play these games for. (Plus, having that opening monologue completely parallel the ending one -- flying in toward Shay as he recites the Assassin’s Creed at the start, vs. flying away from him as he recites the tenants of the Templar Order -- is just a really cool narrative device that I personally find rather clever). And then that first prompt of “Kill the Assassin” is such an interesting way to just dump you right into the middle of things, before you realize that, no, you’re actually starting a few years before all of that. Overall, it’s a pretty strong start, and a unique one, at that. I’m a fan!

The rest of the story follows Shay’s personal journey and his turn away from the Assassins, which, I think, is fairly well executed. In the first couple of sequences leading up to the 1755 Lisbon earthquake (which, yes, is a real thing, and is caused by Piece of Eden macguffins in this universe, because, honestly, we shouldn’t expect anything else), they do sow seeds of doubt about the Assassins. Shay’s questioning as to whether killing Lawrence Washington is really the right thing to do in 1-4 (Sequence 1, Memory 4); the Assassins’ support of the French, who actively promote slavery in the Caribbean (which is made doubly confusing if you’ve played Freedom Cry, but that’s neither here nor there); their blind, neverending search for Pieces of Eden; and even the general sentiment passed around of always just trusting in your superiors, which is mostly said by Chevalier (but also kind of implied by Achilles) and, in my opinion, isn’t talked about enough. Point being: there are problems that Shay already sees from the get-go, and Lisbon is just the cherry on top of that.

Which, speaking of Lisbon, I think that sequence is great. Seeing the city crumble around you -- it’s an absolutely insane setpiece, and a really impressive one, at that. The shot of the city burning at the end is, honestly, a really great use of Assassin’s Creed’s already impressive ability to craft beautiful cities and settings in general -- the only thing I would’ve added is dropping the title card there, rather than at the end of 1-1. Sure, it doesn’t fit with where Ubisoft usually put their title cards in these games, but I really think that would’ve made a statement.

Also, on Lisbon, I do want to address another thing that I’ve seen crop up on occasion. So, slight sidebar, but I do think it’s relevant to the game overall. I know I’ve seen complaints that, while Lisbon is great as a setpiece, the game doesn’t do enough to get you attached to the city. And I understand that, but only to a degree. Where I disagree is the how of getting you attached, because the idea of having Shay lose someone close to him during the earthquake -- like a romantic interest -- isn’t something I can get behind. To me, part of what makes Rogue work is actually the lack of romantic plotlines overall. This is an entire other subject on its own, but it suffices to say that, personally, I’m usually pretty harsh on romantic subplots, and, to me, if they don’t actively add something good, then I’m happier without them. Now, given how short Rogue already is, I can’t imagine that a romantic subplot would be explored deeply enough to really be worthwhile. So to have Shay’s entire motivation be centered around a probably-underdeveloped character and nothing else would sort of remove any room that he has to struggle with the conflict around him.

I do get the idea of wanting more connection with Lisbon as a location, but I just don’t think romantic subplots would necessarily be the way of doing it. Watching the city burn and fall just did enough for me. And, at least as I see it, leaving it that way sort of fits the game’s MO. Shay’s motivations are pretty rarely centered around particular people, which would include any love interests. I mean, that’s the whole point of the game; Shay is willing to act against people he cares about because they’re doing the wrong thing. His motivation throughout the whole game is connected to the more abstract ideal of defending innocent people. Wanting justice for the death of thousands of innocents -- rather than one special person -- is very in line with how Shay operates.

But, alright, back to the actual review, and it’s time to talk Shay’s defection. Because you can’t discuss this game without talking about 2-5. So here’s my two cents: I like it. I think it works. When you boil things down, yes, it’s all a problem of miscommunication. Had everyone just talked, then the plot of Rogue probably wouldn’t have happened. But I don’t blame Shay for that, which is why I still feel like this scene doesn’t ruin the entire central conflict. For one, there are already problems within the Assassins (which is an entire topic on its own), so solving this argument wouldn’t end well down the line anyway. But more than that, between Shay and Achilles -- I’m sorry, but I don’t expect Shay to be the one who has to accommodate Achilles here? Shay just watched a whole city fall, feels personally responsible for tens of thousands of deaths, and then probably had to bottle all of that up during the months-long trip back to the Colonies from Portugal. None of that is explicitly stated, but I mean, we can read between the lines. I wouldn’t expect anyone to be mentally sound and ready to have a perfectly level-headed conversation after that. Achilles, though? Achilles is Mentor, and the teacher of a bunch of people who make their living in murder -- he should be better equipped to deal with people being Clearly Not Okay. Because Shay is Clearly Not Okay, but then he just gets thrown out of the house, and no one thinks to check in and ask him if he’s fine or what even happened? Even though something clearly happened? Look, I understand the other argument -- that Achilles truly didn’t know what would happen and Shay just burst in yelling -- but I can’t find a way to really believe that Shay is the one to blame here? Just saying.

Here’s my point: I like the way Shay’s defection is written -- his emotional response is completely valid -- and it does justify the rest of the plot. That narrative just works, for me. As for how that narrative is paced, well, that’s an interesting question. On the whole, I do think it’s fine. Rogue is really trimmed down, especially compared to a lot of the other games. It doesn’t feel like there’s a whole lot of fluff, and most of the missions do feel like they do something to advance either the actual plot, or give you something about Shay’s character (the latter of which is my bread and butter, but again, we’ll get there, don’t you worry). It feels dense enough that I don’t get bored, or just forget about massive portions of story, which is a problem which some of the other games have. The fact that the structure is not as redundant also really helps. It doesn’t follow that structure of introducing a new target per sequence, then killing them at the end, which was an absolute godsend to me. Seriously, this is a topic for another analysis, but Rogue’s decision to not follow that structure and just follow the plot as it naturally progressed was one of the best things it could’ve done. Because I actually remember what happens, which is, you know, a good thing for a piece of media. It’s a story, not a hitlist.

That said, the pacing does still feel...odd at times? The first two sequences just aren’t that memorable -- they do the thing where it’s like “here’s your target that you’ve never heard of, now go do a murder” which just doesn’t excite me anymore? And the beginning just feels strangely long? I mean, 1-1 does end up introducing you to freerunning and assassination mechanics, as well as the basics of naval warfare. 1-2 as an additional training sequence just feels like overkill, and is really only good for bringing in Adewale, and for the conversation he has with Achilles (which is actually an optional thing to listen to -- one of the most glaring errors in this game, by the way. That’s a huge plot point and it’s so easy to miss? I don’t get that choice.) Same with 1-3; it brings in Le Chasseur, but really it’s just there to introduce ship boarding, which, again, could’ve technically been done in 1-1 when you first get the Morrigan? It just doesn’t feel incredibly necessary, and that time could’ve gone to things like the Lisbon earthquake. Or maybe even into events that take place from sequence 3 to the end?

That said, I generally like the pacing while Shay is with the Templars. With few exceptions, the events in the back half of the game all feel important, and there’s enough momentum to keep me invested all the way through to the end. You know who all of your targets are going to be, and you actually don’t even hit them in this super measured type of manner. They just happen whenever they happen, with three of them happening in the last four memories of the game. To me, having these assassinations come at varying times actually works really well, and it makes the game’s pacing feel organic. Everything is based around the story, and not imposed by some outside force (the writers). Having so many assassinations near the end gives me the feeling that things are accelerating into the ending, not the other way around. Plus, keeping everything dense is, once again, to its advantage -- I don’t feel bored at any point, or like the things I’m doing are completely inconsequential.

*****

The Side Cast

I’ll be honest, I can recognize some of the flaws that did come out of having such a compact game, and the side characters are definitely one of those flaws, or at least, something that could’ve been better. At the end of the day, a lot of the side cast just doesn’t have that much screentime, even though screentime was something they probably needed. Liam gets a decent amount of deposition and character, and Hope gets a bit, but most of the Assassins just don’t get filled out that much. Kesegowaase largely just exists, as does Le Chasseur, and Chevalier is mostly just a piece of scum, but you don’t really know much about them, even though, given the plot of this game, it would’ve been really nice. Having a deeper emotional connection with each of them would’ve made their subsequent deaths hit us, as players, a little bit harder. It would’ve made this idea of an ex-Assassin hunting down his brothers become really tragic, no matter how you wanted to look at it. And, I don’t know about you, but I would’ve been completely on board with this game absolutely sucker-punching me in the feels. I mean, come on, make me cry, I dare you.

Well, anyway, I also just want to mention that it’s not just the Assassins who could’ve done with more screentime. Most of the Templars work perfectly fine as they are -- they have enough personality that I can 100% enjoy the storyline and their part in it. Would it have been nice to get more from them? Sure, but I’m not incredibly bothered by it. The Finnegans are actually the characters I wanted to bring up, though. Because, while their part in the story is completely fine, and I do like the part they play in Shay’s story, I really think it would’ve been cool to have more of them. To clarify, this is purely speculative, and doesn’t actually take away from the game that’s in front of us, but they’re characters who, I think, could’ve formed a really close bond with Shay and potentially been a big part of his journey into joining the Templars. Just a bit of an emotional pull that could’ve been nice to see play out, had they been able to come back a couple more times through the back half of the story.

I don’t know, it just seems like a nice idea to me, even if not expressly necessary.

*****

Protagonist Time

So, I wouldn’t be surprised if you reached this point and wondered, “hey, so you said that this is your favorite game, but parts of this review have been really lukewarm. Why is it your favorite?” And if that’s your question, then congratulations! You’re about to get your answer. Because the thing that really makes this game work, and, for me, makes it stand out above many of the other, more technically sound, games of this franchise, is its protagonist.

Shay is nothing less than fascinating to me, while also being a character I can absolutely adore. He just feels insanely genuine and real and fully-realized in a way that I’m constantly impressed by. And he’s a big part of why this game works as well as it does, especially for someone like me, who is really heavily drawn into a story by the strength of its characters.

More than many of the other protagonists, Shay just feels like a real person. Not like a collection of related traits that were chosen to facilitate a particular story arc. He’s actually fairly reserved and introverted, but he’s never cold or aloof or distant (which seems like an easy way to write introverts, and something Ubisoft has sort of done for its other characters). He always comes off as warm and has this endearingly dorky sense of humor. We see him moved to anger or joking around with the people he’s close with (the Assassins at first, but Gist and crew later), because, surprise, that’s how people work. Introverts aren’t always quiet in every situation, and it’s not “surprising” that we have emotions, or something like that. Shay just being characterized like this -- and the story never making some sort of deal out of it -- honestly makes him feel incredibly familiar.

What really makes him work, though, is that he’s an incredibly expressive character, and I need to give Steven Piovesan -- Shay’s voice actor -- all of the credit in the world for that. At every point in the story, you can watch and listen to Shay and understand exactly what he’s feeling in that particular moment. You can actually see the pain or the confusion in his eyes when he learns that Hope is leading the gangs (and when he has to kill her) or when he’s told that Monro is dead. You can hear his hesitation when he first meets Monro, his guilt when he mentions Lisbon to Haytham, or just how genuinely thankful he is to the Finnegans and Monro for saving his life. When he’s chasing Liam through the cave in the last memory, the way he screams “I’m sorry!” and “I had to!” just gutted me. You’re never left at a loss for what he’s feeling, and it makes it so easy to empathize with him. (Personally, with how often he feels noticeably guilty, I just want to give him a hug, which is how I know that someone, somewhere, has done something right in my book).

And all of that together is what carries the story. I care about this plot because I care about Shay. I care about what’s happening because he does, and I want to know how he responds, and I want him to come out of it all okay. It’s all really character-driven, which is the most effective way to get me, personally, invested in any story. And it also actually, weirdly, fills some of the above-mentioned writing gaps, especially where the side cast is involved -- namely, the Assassins. We, as the audience, know very little about the other Assassins at this point in time; it’s something I don’t want to fault the team for too much, because the game is just so short that getting us attached to those characters would be a challenge. Everything is so lean already, and the last thing I’d want is for random bloating of the plot. But they kind of work around that? We don’t know these characters well, but Shay does. And so while I don’t care that much about, say, Hope when she dies, Shay visibly and audibly does. And his emotions in that scene feel real enough that I care a lot about how distraught he is over the situation. It manages to keep me emotionally invested in everything going on, even though there wasn’t enough time for me to grow attached to each of those side characters individually.

It honestly feels like a strange writing hack, but one that seems effective and appropriate for how this game was put together.

But, anyway, let’s switch gears just a little here, because I’d be remiss not to talk at all about Shay’s morality, since, again, it makes him sort of unique among the protagonists. And, no, not just because he’s a Templar -- things aren’t that black and white.

If you condense down what Shay really fights for, it’s basically “protecting innocents and doing right by everyday people”. Which isn’t bad or complicated -- it’s incredibly pure -- but is strangely out of place in this particular universe. At least to my reading, Shay doesn’t really, fully align with either Templars or Assassins, and so he can really easily be at odds with one or both sides. Add into that the very positive view of loyalty as a trait -- in the Assassin’s Creed universe, in other pieces of media, and in real life -- and it places Shay in an interesting spot. He’s the kind of character who will do the wrong thing in order to do the right thing, someone who will become the villain in someone else’s story if it means protecting others. Although this isn’t “villain” in the traditional sense. It has more to do with the fact that he’s willing to forego positive-aligned ideals like loyalty -- usually something a protagonist already has in spades or learns as part of their arc. Also, the fact that he doesn’t condone what he’s doing, and would even call himself a monster (seriously, that scene with Adewale? Fantastic). It makes him feel really understandably conflicted -- someone who wants to do the right thing, but is stuck between a rock and ten hard places -- and selfless, in this somewhat strange way. He’s willing to hate himself in service to something much larger. Which, again, makes him feel really sympathetic (so maybe this mention of Shay’s philosophy wasn’t as much of a tangent as it seemed).

It comes down to this: Shay resonates with me a lot, and ticks a lot of boxes for what I like in characters. And that plays really heavily into how I personally judge a game.

*****

A Really Bizare Production

At the end of the day, I just think this is a really fun game, and one that happens to appeal really effectively to my personal interests. But it’s also a game that you can’t fully separate from the circumstances of its production. The more I’ve heard about this game, the more I’m impressed it has a functioning story at all. The production seemed ridiculous and insanely fast, with motion-capture/recording and writing apparently kind of happening at the same time (I’d recommend Loomer’s podcasts with Steven Piovesan (x) and Richard Farrese (x) -- Shay’s VA and Rogue’s lead writer, respectively -- if you want to hear some of this stuff), and so I have to assume it led to some of the more bizarre inconsistencies I can see in this game.

I’m mostly talking about the Versailles sequence here. Because, sometimes, I feel like the only person who isn’t a huge fan of it.

I mean, obviously, the Unity connection is really interesting, and it absolutely makes me want a crossover story for not only Arno and Shay, but also Connor (three protagonists running around at the same time? Come on Ubisoft, how have you not written this story?). But it’s part of this larger problem, which is that this sequence feels really out of step with the rest of the game. This is something that I absolutely could go into, but won’t, just for brevity’s sake. (Believe me, it’ll be its own analysis). So it’ll suffice to say that Shay’s personality and philosophy just aren’t the same as what we saw in the rest of the game. It feels like a different character. And while that could be explained away with sixteen years of missing context (an explanation I don’t accept, because we’ve never been offered that context anywhere else), I honestly think that it’s a leftover bit of planning. This feels like a bookend that the writers decided on at the start as a way to guide their plot. But then, because there were so many changes happening, and so much plot was getting rewritten, all while filming was happening, Shay’s character and motivations just naturally shifted. (I can’t guess why -- maybe it was just an idea a writer had, maybe the acting of the character pushed it in a different direction -- but it did seem to shift). That shift does seem to have been embraced -- the main game itself is very cohesive and consistent -- but they either had to or wanted to keep the bookend pieces. Maybe for the Unity tie-in, or maybe because the promotional materials were already put together (the marketing feels a lot like it was written from either the ending, or from early concepts of the game). I don’t know game production; I’m just guessing.

But what you end up with is this strange leap or gap that isn’t easily explained, but that just exists and leaves me wanting answers.

I don’t know. Personally? I wish the scene on the Morrigan had been the last one. That one would’ve made for an interesting ending, I think.

*****

Alright, let’s close this out real simply. I love this game. Is it perfect? No. Is it the only game I’ve 100%-ed and fully replayed? Yes. Rogue is just my weird little comfort game, and good luck trying to take that away from me.

#ac rogue #assassins creed rogue #assassins creed #review

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shredsandpatches · 2 years

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sunday snippet (medieval Tiger Balm edition)

Forgot to post one of these last week because it was Easter and I was visiting my parents, and I've sort of lost some momentum writing, between health shit and job hunting shit, but I'm still doing it! Fans of my WIP posts (if any) may note that the stuff before the cut looks familiar, because it's fairly old and I may have posted it before, but the stuff below the cut is new. For context, this is shortly after Richard and Anne's wedding; there's a tournament going on (historically accurately!) and Robert has been knocked out of contention, so he's physically bruised as well as emotionally.

Nothing particularly sexual happens in this passage, but there's a little bit of discussion of it (nothing too graphic).

“I’d never want to endanger you—for you to go the way of your great-grandfather.”

“Anne is nothing like my great-grandmother, though,” Richard says. “She was so worried this morning, when we saw you at the tournament—she thinks you don’t like her.”

“She’s my Queen,” Robert says. “Does it matter if I like her?”

“It matters to her,” Richard says. “She said that my friends should be her friends.”

Robert’s laugh is incredulous. “That could make things awkward in bed—oh, don’t get all excited, I didn’t mean it.”

Richard tries determinedly not to think about the implications of that comment, when he’s still trying just to encourage Robert and Anne to be friends, or even friendly acquaintances. Instead, he continues, “She also said she doesn’t expect me to give up my friends now that I’m married. And that she can tell how much I love you.”

“With all due respect,” Robert says, “I doubt she can tell exactly how much.”

“I think you will really like her, when you get to know her better. I know she’ll love you.”

Robert smirks. “She won’t back away and throw holy water on me or something?”

“She’s not like that,” Richard says. “She’s pious, and a little shy, but only until you get to know her. It’s not like she’s been locked up in a convent all her life. I’m sure she’s spoken to men before.” He swallows hard, feeling shy himself. “We’d both like it if you had supper with us,” he adds. “A few days from now, after the coronation. She does want to get to know you, Robin, and to be your friend.”

“Am I allowed to turn you down?” Robert says.

Richard starts—it feels like he’s taken a blow from the quintain, or like there’s a cold hand gripping his throat.

“Yes,” he says, instead of crying like he suddenly wants to.

“Then I’ll come,” Robert says.

“Thank you,” Richard says, wrapping his arms around Robert—who stiffens a bit. Richard releases him quickly, worrying he’s made the absolute wrong move.

“It’s fine,” Robert says. “It just hurts.”

“I could put balm on it,” Richard says. “It’d be a great honor for you, you know.”

Robert’s lips purse in a way that makes it impossible to tell if he’s trying not to smile or trying not to frown—but then he reaches to retrieve the pot of balm, and hands it over to Richard before turning around. The balm is red and smells sharply spicy, and when Richard dips his fingers into the pot it feels warm and tingly.

“Does that hurt?” Richard asks, as Robert draws a sharp intake of breath, but Robert shakes his head.

“No, no,” he says. “It’s—it’s nice, keep doing that. Just—don’t push too hard.”

Richard nods, although Robert can’t see it. Even a few days ago, this would have been an extremely romantic moment, but now it’s awkward. They haven’t lain together since Anne came to London, and Richard knows they will all adjust, eventually, but they haven’t yet. He runs a hand up the unbruised side of Robert’s back, and Robert shudders.

“Christ, Diccon,” Robert says. “You’re a married man.”

Richard’s cheeks go warm again, and they’d only just cooled down. “I wasn’t trying to—start anything,” he says. “I just thought it might help. I do still like touching you, you know.”

For a long moment, Robert says nothing. Then he shakes his head, and asks, “Even after a night of bliss in the marriage bed?”

“Even after that.”

Robert makes a non-committal little noise, and then he turns around to face Richard, albeit only in the most general sense: he stares at his hands instead of actually looking at Richard. When he speaks again, it’s in an uncharacteristically small voice. “What was it like?”

“It was—” Before he can form any words, his face is blazing again, and his tongue feels ungainly in his mouth—how can he describe last night? How can he describe it to Robert? He tries to imagine putting it all into words, but he can’t bear to think about how Anne would feel if he told Robert about how her skin felt against his, the rounded curves of her body, the blissful heat as he sank into her and the tremble of her body around him, and then he shifts uncomfortably because thinking about last night is starting to have a noticeable physical effect on him and he would really prefer it if Robert didn’t notice it. He thinks about how extremely cold it is outside and imagines shoving some of the snow down the front of his hosen, and then he shivers a little thinking of it, but it seems to have done the trick. “It was wonderful,” he says, finally, and he can’t help smiling.

“Oh,” Robert says, his face carefully blank.

“It wasn’t the same as lying with you, though,” Richard adds. “They’re different things, but I love both of them, Robin.” He wraps his arm around Robert’s waist again and leans against his shoulder, inhaling the spicy scent of the balm, although it makes his eyes water.

Robert makes another non-committal little noise, and Richard sighs.

“You’ve really never done it with a girl?” he asks.

Robert shrugs, as best he can with Richard’s face pressed to his shoulder. “Never been interested,” he says. “I used to think maybe I’d grow into it—when Philippa was older, or something. He turns his head to look down, awkwardly, at Richard. “I’m glad it worked for you, though.”

#the novelthing #sunday snippet #see i'm still working on it #mildly nonworksafe text #these dorks #it will all work out for them of course #(you know before they are all torn apart forever by other factors)#but right now it's so very very awkward #otp: such a passionate fling for a virgin king #robert de vere's rarely-seen internalized homophobia

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lurking-latinist · 3 years

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84 and 91 for the DW questions please :)

84 and 91!

84. Companion I'd most like to travel with... ooh this is hard. I love Evelyn, but I think I'd actually rather meet her outside of TARDIS travels? I'd like to take her class. I think I'd like to travel with Romana, because not only is she awesome in and of herself, I could also learn so much about other planets and stuff from her. I'd be taking notes.

Of New Who companions, I actually think Clara and I would get along pretty well? I know she can be difficult, but I think we'd have a lot of fun.

91. Historical event you'd like to see in DW - the thing is, despite constantly going on about how much I like historicals, I don't really want to see historical *events*! Because if it's some specific thing that we know happened, that really cuts down on the type of plot you can do (you can only do "avert a paradox" plots, which are fun but limited). And I'm not a big fan of the so-called celebrity historicals, either (e.g. the Shakespeare One, the Churchill One), although there have been some good ones--I just think the format is a bit played out (and doesn't age well if it's based more on the popular image of the person than biographical research, and then the popular image changes).

I like ones where they just happen to be in a part of the past. Like in stories set in the present, they're not constantly... witnessing the discovery of the COVID vaccine or meeting Greta Thunberg, you know? They're just having adventures in the setting of the present. There's no reason adventures in the past need to be wildly different--they're just doing their thing, and we see a historical era around them. This is something that has been a strength in the Whittaker era so far (e.g. Demons of the Punjab), and I'd like to see more of it!

So I'm instead going to answer the question: what historical era would I like to see an episode set in? Well, when asked this in a non-Doctor Who context, I always say the Pisonian conspiracy against Nero, but... well... they've done that some time ago! (I did the math while watching The Romans and it comes out to *almost* exactly the right year for Vicki's conspiracy to be the same one that Lucan, the poet I write about, was part of. So I'm fudging the numbers.)

We've been to ancient Rome far more than other ancient societies, so why not spread the love a bit? Ancient China would be an awesome setting (especially if you could somehow manage to film in China and get scenery shots! although that might bust the budget a bit). Or just any part of the pre-modern world--say before about 1400? Given that The Aztecs is the original historical, it'd be nice to see another episode set in the pre-Columbian Americas, nodding to the show's history but done with modern design, research, sensibilities, and casting.

I wouldn't be qualified to write either of those, though. If I had to write one right now out of my head, well, I could always do yet another Rome story--I would say around Cicero but Big Finish has done that--or something in the English Civil War, if I could trust the BBC not to make it a Puritan-bashing fest.

I would also like to see the encounter between the Sixth Doctor and Plato that led Plato to bitterly criticize writers who depict "irritable and multicolored" heroes. Plato doesn't like irritable and multicolored people, apparently. So I like to think that he was, idk, defending slavery or something, as Plato did, and thus got into a fight with *my* irritable and multicolored hero.

#ask game #thank you kaylie!#this was fun #sorry for the essay #doctor who

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recentanimenews · 3 years

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ESSAY: Berserk's Journey of Acceptance Over 30 Years of Fandom

My descent into anime fandom began in the '90s, and just as watching Neon Genesis Evangelion caused my first revelation that cartoons could be art, reading Berserk gave me the same realization about comics. The news of Kentaro Miura’s death, who passed on May 6, has been emotionally complicated for me, as it's the first time a celebrity's death has hit truly close to home. In addition to being the lynchpin for several important personal revelations, Berserk is one of the longest-lasting works I’ve followed and that I must suddenly bid farewell to after existing alongside it for two-thirds of my life.

Berserk is a monolith not only for anime and manga, but also fantasy literature, video games, you name it. It might be one of the single most influential works of the ‘80s — on a level similar to Blade Runner — to a degree where it’s difficult to imagine what the world might look like without it, and the generations of creators the series inspired.

Although not the first, Guts is the prototypical large sword anime boy: Final Fantasy VII's Cloud Strife, Siegfried/Nightmare from Soulcalibur, and Black Clover's Asta are all links in the same chain, with other series like Dark Souls and Claymore taking clear inspiration from Berserk. But even deeper than that, the three-character dynamic between Guts, Griffith, and Casca, the monster designs, the grotesque violence, Miura’s image of hell — all of them can be spotted in countless pieces of media across the globe.

Despite this, it just doesn’t seem like people talk about it very much. For over 20 years, Berserk has stood among the critical pantheon for both anime and manga, but it doesn’t spur conversations in the same way as Neon Genesis Evangelion, Akira, or Dragon Ball Z still do today. Its graphic depictions certainly represent a barrier to entry much higher than even the aforementioned company.

Seeing the internet exude sympathy and fond reminiscing about Berserk was immensely validating and has been my single most therapeutic experience online. Moreso, it reminded me that the fans have always been there. And even looking into it, Berserk is the single best-selling property in the 35-year history of Dark Horse. My feeling is that Berserk just has something about it that reaches deep into you and gets stuck there.

I recall introducing one of my housemates to Berserk a few years ago — a person with all the intelligence and personal drive to both work on cancer research at Stanford while pursuing his own MD and maintaining a level of physical fitness that was frankly unreasonable for the hours that he kept. He was NOT in any way analytical about the media he consumed, but watching him sitting on the floor turning all his considerable willpower and intellect toward delivering an off-the-cuff treatise on how Berserk had so deeply touched him was a sight in itself to behold. His thoughts on the series' portrayal of sex as fundamentally violent leading up to Guts and Casca’s first moment of intimacy in the Golden Age movies was one of the most beautiful sentiments I’d ever heard in reaction to a piece of fiction.

I don’t think I’d ever heard him provide anything but a surface-level take on a piece of media before or since. He was a pretty forthright guy, but the way he just cut into himself and let his feelings pour out onto the floor left me awestruck. The process of reading Berserk can strike emotional chords within you that are tough to untangle. I’ve been writing analysis and experiential pieces related to anime and manga for almost ten years — and interacting with Berserk’s world for almost 30 years — and writing may just be yet another attempt for me to pull my own twisted-up feelings about it apart.

Berserk is one of the most deeply personal works I’ve ever read, both for myself and in my perception of Miura's works. The series' transformation in the past 30 years artistically and thematically is so singular it's difficult to find another work that comes close. The author of Hajime no Ippo, who was among the first to see Berserk as Miura presented him with some early drafts working as his assistant, claimed that the design for Guts and Puck had come from a mess of ideas Miura had been working on since his early school days.

写真は三浦建太郎君が寄稿してくれた鷹村です。今かなり感傷的になっています。思い出話をさせて下さい。僕が初めての週刊連載でスタッフが一人もいなくて困っていたら手伝いにきてくれました。彼が18で僕が19です。某大学の芸術学部の学生で講義明けにスケッチブックを片手に来てくれました。 pic.twitter.com/hT1JCWBTKu

— 森川ジョージ (@WANPOWANWAN) May 20, 2021

Miura claimed two of his big influences were Go Nagai’s Violence Jack and Tetsuo Hara and Buronson’s Fist of the North Star. Miura wears these influences on his sleeve, discovering the early concepts that had percolated in his mind just felt right. The beginning of Berserk, despite its amazing visual power, feels like it sprang from a very juvenile concept: Guts is a hypermasculine lone traveler breaking his body against nightmarish creatures in his single-minded pursuit of revenge, rigidly independent and distrustful of others due to his dark past.

Uncompromising, rugged, independent, a really big sword ... Guts is a romantic ideal of masculinity on a quest to personally serve justice against the one who wronged him. Almost nefarious in the manner in which his character checked these boxes, especially when it came to his grim stoicism, unblinkingly facing his struggle against literal cosmic forces. Never doubting himself, never trusting others, never weeping for what he had lost.

Miura said he sketched out most of the backstory when the manga began publication, so I have to assume the larger strokes of the Golden Arc were pretty well figured out from the outset, but I’m less sure if he had fully realized where he wanted to take the story to where we are now. After the introductory mini-arcs of demon-slaying, Berserk encounters Griffith and the story draws us back to a massive flashback arc. We see the same Guts living as a lone mercenary who Griffith persuades to join the Band of the Hawk to help realize his ambitions of rising above the circumstances of his birth to join the nobility.

We discover the horrific abuses of Guts’ adoptive father and eventually learn that Guts, Griffith, and Casca are all victims of sexual violence. The story develops into a sprawling semi-historical epic featuring politics and war, but the real narrative is in the growing companionship between Guts and the members of the band. Directionless and traumatized by his childhood, Guts slowly finds a purpose helping Griffith realize his dream and the courage to allow others to grow close to him.

Miura mentioned that many Band of the Hawk members were based on his early friend groups. Although he was always sparse with details about his personal life, he has spoken about how many of them referred to themselves as aspiring manga authors and how he felt an intense sense of competition, admitting that among them he may have been the only one seriously working toward that goal, desperately keeping ahead in his perceived race against them. It’s intriguing thinking about how much of this angst may have made it to the pages, as it's almost impossible not to imagine Miura put quite a bit of himself in Guts.

Perhaps this is why it feels so real and makes The Eclipse — the quintessential anime betrayal at the hands of Griffith — all the more heartbreaking. The raw violence and macabre imagery certainly helped. While Miura owed Hellraiser’s Cenobites much in the designs of the God Hand, his macabre portrayal of the Band of the Hawk’s eradication within the literal bowels of hell, the massive hand, the black sun, the Skull Knight, and even Miura’s page compositions have been endlessly referenced, copied, and outright plagiarized since.

The events were tragic in any context and I have heard many deeply personal experiences others drew from The Eclipse sympathizing with Guts, Casca, or even Griffith’s spiral driven by his perceived rejection by Guts. Mine were most closely aligned with the tragedy of Guts having overcome such painful circumstances to not only reject his own self enforced solitude, but to fearlessly express his affection for his loved ones.

The Golden Age was a methodical destruction of Guts’ self-destructive methods of preservation ruined in a single selfish act by his most trusted friend, leaving him once again alone and afraid of growing close to those around him. It ripped the romance of Guts’ mission and eventually took the story down a course I never expected. Berserk wasn’t a story of revenge but one of recovery.

Guess that’s enough beating around the bush, as I should talk about how this shift affected me personally. When I was young, when I began reading Berserk I found Guts’ unflagging stoicism to be really cool, not just aesthetically but in how I understood guys were supposed to be. I was slow to make friends during school and my rapidly gentrifying neighborhood had my friends' parents moving away faster than I could find new ones. At some point I think I became too afraid of putting myself out there anymore, risking rejection when even acceptance was so fleeting. It began to feel easier just to resign myself to solitude and pretend my circumstances were beyond my own power to correct.

Unfortunately, I became the stereotypical kid who ate alone during lunch break. Under the invisible expectations demanding I not display weakness, my loneliness was compounded by shame for feeling loneliness. My only recourse was to reveal none of those feelings and pretend the whole thing didn't bother me at all. Needless to say my attempts to cope probably fooled no one and only made things even worse, but I really didn’t know of any better way to handle my situation. I felt bad, I felt even worse about feeling bad and had been provided with zero tools to cope, much less even admit that I had a problem at all.

The arcs following the Golden Age completely changed my perspective. Guts had tragically, yet understandably, cut himself off from others to save himself from experiencing that trauma again and, in effect, denied himself any opportunity to allow himself to be happy again. As he began to meet other characters that attached themselves to him, between Rickert and Erica spending months waiting worried for his return, and even the slimmest hope to rescuing Casca began to seed itself into the story, I could only see Guts as a fool pursuing a grim and hopeless task rather than appreciating everything that he had managed to hold onto.

The same attributes that made Guts so compelling in the opening chapters were revealed as his true enemy. Griffith had committed an unforgivable act but Guts’ journey for revenge was one of self-inflicted pain and fear. The romanticism was gone.

Farnese’s inclusion in the Conviction arc was a revelation. Among the many brilliant aspects of her character, I identified with her simply for how she acted as a stand-in for myself as the reader: Plagued by self-doubt and fear, desperate to maintain her own stoic and uncompromising image, and resentful of her place in the world. She sees Guts’ fearlessness in the face of cosmic horror and believes she might be able to learn his confidence.

But in following Guts, Farnese instead finds a teacher in Casca. In taking care of her, Farnese develops a connection and is able to experience genuine sympathy that develops into a sense of responsibility. Caring for Casca allows Farnese to develop the courage she was lacking not out of reckless self-abandon but compassion.

I can’t exactly credit Berserk with turning my life around, but I feel that it genuinely helped crystallize within me a sense of growing doubts about my maladjusted high school days. My growing awareness of Guts' undeniable role in his own suffering forced me to admit my own role in mine and created a determination to take action to fix it rather than pretending enough stoicism might actually result in some sort of solution.

I visited the Berserk subreddit from time to time and always enjoyed the group's penchant for referring to all the members of the board as “fellow strugglers,” owing both to Skull Knight’s label for Guts and their own tongue-in-cheek humor at waiting through extended hiatuses. Only in retrospect did it feel truly fitting to me. Trying to avoid the pitfalls of Guts’ path is a constant struggle. Today I’m blessed with many good friends but still feel primal pangs of fear holding me back nearly every time I meet someone, the idea of telling others how much they mean to me or even sharing my thoughts and feelings about something I care about deeply as if each action will expose me to attack.

It’s taken time to pull myself away from the behaviors that were so deeply ingrained and it’s a journey where I’m not sure the work will ever be truly done, but witnessing Guts’ own slow progress has been a constant source of reassurance. My sense of admiration for Miura’s epic tale of a man allowing himself to let go after suffering such devastating circumstances brought my own humble problems and their way out into focus.

Over the years I, and many others, have been forced to come to terms with the fact that Berserk would likely never finish. The pattern of long, unexplained hiatuses and the solemn recognition that any of them could be the last is a familiar one. The double-edged sword of manga largely being works created by a single individual is that there is rarely anyone in a position to pick up the torch when the creator calls it quits. Takehiko Inoue’s Vagabond, Ai Yazawa’s Nana, and likely Yoshihiro Togashi’s Hunter X Hunter all frozen in indefinite hiatus, the publishers respectfully holding the door open should the creators ever decide to return, leaving it in a liminal space with no sense of conclusion for the fans except what we can make for ourselves.

The reason for Miura’s hiatuses was unclear. Fans liked to joke that he would take long breaks to play The Idolmaster, but Miura was also infamous for taking “breaks” spent minutely illustrating panels to his exacting artistic standard, creating a tumultuous release schedule during the wars featuring thousands of tiny soldiers all dressed in period-appropriate armor. If his health was becoming an issue, it’s uncommon that news would be shared with fans for most authors, much less one as private as Miura.

Even without delays, the story Miura was building just seemed to be getting too big. The scale continued to grow, his narrative ambition swelling even faster after 20 years of publication, the depth and breadth of his universe constantly expanding. The fan-dubbed “Millennium Falcon Arc” was massive, changing the landscape of Berserk from a low fantasy plagued by roaming demons to a high fantasy where godlike beings of sanity-defying size battled for control of the world. How could Guts even meet Griffith again? What might Casca want to do when her sanity returned? What are the origins of the Skull Knight? And would he do battle with the God Hand? There was too much left to happen and Miura’s art only grew more and more elaborate. It would take decades to resolve all this.

But it didn’t need to. I imagine we’ll never get a precise picture of the final years of Miura’s life leading up to his tragic passing. In the final chapters he released, it felt as if he had directed the story to some conclusion. The unfinished Fantasia arc finds Guts and his newfound band finding a way to finally restore Casca’s sanity and — although there is still unmistakably a boundary separating them — both seem resolute in finding a way to mend their shared wounds together.

One of the final chapters features Guts drinking around the campfire with the two other men of his group, Serpico and Roderick, as he entrusts the recovery of Casca to Schierke and Farnese. It's a scene that, in the original Band of the Hawk, would have found Guts brooding as his fellows engage in bluster. The tone of this conversation, however, is completely different. The three commiserate over how much has changed and the strength each has found in the companionship of the others. After everything that has happened, Guts declares that he is grateful.

The suicidal dedication to his quest for vengeance and dispassionate pragmatism that defined Guts in the earliest chapters is gone. Although they first appeared to be a source of strength as the Black Swordsman, he has learned that they rose from the fear of losing his friends again, from letting others close enough to harm him, and from having no other purpose without others. Whether or not Guts and Griffith were to ever meet again, Guts has rediscovered the strength to no longer carry his burdens alone.

All that has happened is all there will ever be. We too must be grateful.

Peter Fobian is an Associate Manager of Social Video at Crunchyroll, writer for Anime Academy and Anime in America, and an editor at Anime Feminist. You can follow him on Twitter @PeterFobian.

By: Peter Fobian

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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karliesbuzzcut · 4 years

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Kaylor´s Throwback Thursday: October 18th, 2018

Hello and welcome to the our second edition of KTBT. Because many of you asked for it, today we are putting on our fanciest gowns and travelling back to Karlie Kloss’ wedding.

To understand everything that’s been going on, we need a bit of historical context. Taylor Swift has just arrived in Perth, Australia, for her Reputation Tour and therefore, didn’t attend the wedding. The wedding per se seems to have been kept secret, although there were rumours about something going on.

Also happening around this time: Jamal Khashoggi, a Saudi journalist, was assassinated at the Saudi consulate in Istambul. What does something so horrible have to do with Karlie Kloss’ wedding? I’m not sure but TTB brought it up.

TTB’s confidence in herself is almost admirable. Not only to @ Karlie, Taylor, Tree, Penni and Karlie’s sister on her thoughts but also to use “stunt” as an adjective. Stunty... nice. By the way, that super official document she links also states that Josh was born on the 00 of June. Just thought you’d like to know that.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m sorry, I’m just too excited. Let me set the scene for you. It’s October 18th, 2018. Apparently Karlie had been “stunting” hard for a few days now... when the bomb drops. TTB receives a buttload of messages and do you want to know something? The messages aren’t even that exciting. I think the most interesting thing of going through those messages was noticing how Kaylors have clung to the same mantras they use today. You know what I mean, the “Karlie looks miserable!” “I have a second cousin who had a wedding and her wedding didn’t look like Karlie’s wedding so...” “You can tell it’s just a business deal from the way Karlie smiles”.

Anyway, what do you think happened the very next day? Spade stopped by, of course. TTB Spade can smell weakness on Kaylors and knows that nothing fixes the problem quite as well as some vague sentence. This time it was an answer to the question “When do you think we will receive the first Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss friendship candid?” Which they simply answered with a direct quote from Call It What You Want “I recall late November, holdin’ my breath / Slowly I said ‘You don’t need to save me / But would you run away with me?’” Because why come up with your own shit, amiright. Either way, the legend says that if you’re very quiet at the end of every November, you can hear a disappointed Kaylor cry.

Soon after, TTB followed up. You can read the message yourself, I will post it here, but I can also summarise it for you in the form of a Haiku.

It did not happen.

My sources told me it’s false.

Hollywood PR.

If you pay attention, you can notice TTB’s very own stages of grief. First, she “threatened” Karlie’s parents (“All eyes on you Kurt and Tracy”). Then there’s denial (to be fair, there’s alway denial). And then, she resorted to guilting her subjects.

I mean, I just love that she keeps tagging Kimby here. “Kimby, your sister’s marriage is forcing people back into the closet. You better do something, Kimby... NOW KIMBY👏!”

And then TTB made a little test? I’m adding this post here, not because of it’s quality but because I’m a little bit confused by it. She listed a bunch of facts like the dress’ designer, the bridesmaids’ dresses, the cake’s brand and Jewish symbolisms. And I guess all of that is supposed to lead us somehow to the wedding not being real but to me it reads as “I watched a wedding once on TV, what is this?”

But let’s take a break from TTB and move on to thabrokegirl. She was definitely working through some feelings. I tried taking a picture of her entire manifesto but it didn’t fit my screen. I did select the best parts though.

The first one was mostly for my own amusement, not gonna lie. TBG goes on about how weird it is that it took 6 years for Karlie and Josh to get married. And here I am, older than Karlie, with a boyfriend I’ve been dating for almost 9 years... finding out today of all days, that I have problems... like commitment issues, this was never in the stars for us because it would’ve happened already. 😳

I don’t know how many Gilmore Girls’ fans I have in the audience tonight. But there’s an episode in season 7 where Lorelai is struggling to write a very important letter. She’s advised to write whatever comes into her head, to which she responds that it’s a bad idea and I cite:

Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. "I'm writing a letter. I can't write a letter. "Why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress. "I wish I was wearing my blue dress. "My blue dress is at the cleaners. "'The Germans wore gray. You wore blue. ''Casablanca'. "'Casablanca' is such a good movie. "'Casablanca.' The white house. Bush. "Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should drive a hybrid car. "I should really take my bicycle to work. "Bicycle. Unicycle. Unitard. Hockey puck. Rattlesnake. Monkey, monkey, underpants."

And it is that stream of consciousness that thabrokegirl perfectly depicted on her piece.

Meanwhile, FemmeTay is surprisingly very chill about this.

Finally, there’s TallCurlyGirl, who made me regret the fact that I wasn’t around during her prime. After all, she wasn’t a shipper - she was just a regular tall curly girl burdened with the superpower of reading Taylor’s and Karlie’s minds and who -therefore- had the responsability of sharing her findings with the whole world... up until she got bored Karlie and Taylor broke up.

Please enjoy a vintage selection of ‘I Have Sources™’ which -as most things Kaylor- have aged hilariously bad:

My favourite part is PR people shitting their pants and calling Tree for help 🌝...

What was your favourite part?

*5 second silence while I look at your with dead eyes*

I like that part too!

#kaylor #karlie kloss #ttb #ktbt

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makeste · 4 years

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BnHA Chapter 260: GOD IS A WOMAN

Previously on BnHA: Virtually all of the known pro heroes in existence split into two big groups (each with its own weenie hut junior subgroup) to launch a massive surprise attack on the League of Pliff. Endeavor’s group, in Jakku, stormed the hospital where Ujiko works, which amazingly seemed to catch him completely off guard, so I guess we’ll see how that goes. Meanwhile off in the woods somewhere, Midnight’s group (ostensibly this is Edgeshot’s group, but I call it like I see it guys) prepared to attack the villains’ main HQ at the Overlook Hotel, while my infant son Kaminari Denki complained too loudly about being stuck on the front lines. Meanwhile the rest of 1-A (sans Tokoyami) is either tucked away safe in the woods, or perched just outside of Jakku ready to begin the citizen evacuation. I suggest that everyone enjoy this brief period where the good guys appear to be safe and victorious while it lasts.

Today on BnHA: MIRUKO!!! Okay lol. A lot happens in this chapter. Aizawa uses his quirk on Ujiko, who immediately starts melting away into a crispy-fried old man because apparently this motherfucker had the immortality quirk all along. And then Mic and Aizawa yell at him, and the other doctors are all “pardon us but what the fuck” and the heroes are all “NO TIME TO TALK, HE’S EVIL” and then we find out that Ujiko is a fucking Twice clone, so that’s just great. And the real Ujiko is of course down in the basement, along with LORD EVEN KNOWS HOW MANY HIGH END NOUMUS, and for a moment it honest to god looks like we’re screwed. But then MIRUKO, YOUR NEW FAVORITE CHARACTER, KICKS DOWN ALL THE FREAKING DOORS AND FLATTENS POOR JOHN-KUN AND IS ALL “BOOM, YOU LOOKING FOR THIS?”, and let me tell you guys, FOR A MOMENT I SAW TRUTH. Anyway so next chapter she’s probably going to have to fight zombie Jeanist or something, but for now? Life is good. REMEMBER THIS DAY.

so just like last week, before I get started I’m gonna do a quick follow-up on chapter 259. really, Viz’s version wasn’t all that different from the fan scanlation this time around, so this will mostly just be reactions to things I didn’t notice and that other people pointed out

first off, a couple people mentioned that the thing Mic is holding up appears to be some kind of throat spray. which seems to track, so I’ll just say again that I have a very morbid curiosity about whether or not Mic could actually kill someone with his quirk. and this curiosity has only intensified since my google search

so yeah. will we ever get to see something like this?? STAY TUNED

also, I got a couple of conflicting answers about Naomasa’s quirk. someone said his quirk was lie-detecting, but another person said that’s actually his sister’s (LOL I HAD NO IDEA THERE WAS A NAOSIS, I REALLY SHOULD JUST READ VIGILANTES) quirk. and I never actually followed up on that lol sooooo. let me just do that real quick

okay so he doesn’t have a quirk listed on the wiki, but it says that his codename (??) is “True Man.” so that does seem to imply that his quirk is similar if not identical to his sister’s quirk, which is indeed a truth quirk (Polygraph). although the “she can’t detect a lie if the person is relaxed” seems to call this ability into doubt a bit. still pretty powerful though I guess

moving on now, last but not least let’s discuss the most relevant and controversial thing that happened this past week. (incidentally, I added an ETA about this to the previous chapter recap a couple hours after I first posted it, so in case you don’t what the asks below are referring to, it’s that.)

so... I have mixed feelings about this. thing is, after reading up on it, it seems like the fans who were most upset were those from China, Korea, etc., which is actually completely understandable given the historical context. Japan doesn’t exactly have a great track record with being sensitive about all of the horrific shit their military got up to during WWII, so while I still believe that Horikoshi wasn’t intending to be disrespectful, I can understand them not being inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt

that being said, I keep thinking about this tweet by aitaikimochi:

and despite what Horikoshi said in his apology tweets (about how he didn’t intend for the name to be associated with that particular historical connection), I still can’t help but think that he absolutely did intend to reference Unit 731, with the intent of (a) linking it to this vile, disgusting piece of shit character as a commentary, and (b) perhaps subtly pushing some of his Japanese readers who have never heard about this particular part of history to learn more about it. like, I know he offered up some dubious explanation about it being a reference to Ujiko’s rotund nature, but that seems really iffy to me tbh. that’s one hell of a coincidence if that’s really the case. idk

and you know what else -- and here’s where I’m really whipping out the conspiracy goggles -- I also can’t help but suspect that the decision to go back and change the name in the volume release is coming more from Shueisha (who I half-suspect weren’t themselves aware of the “maruta” name association until this blew up) than from him. because unfortunately this seems to be the standard Japanese PR response any time this subject comes up -- offer a vague statement of regret, and immediately proceed to wipe any mention of the subject from existence. because god forbid people actually talk about this or acknowledge that it happened

and so ultimately, while I do empathize with those who were upset by the name, I think it’s unfortunate that this is just getting swept back under the rug so quickly and will no doubt be forgotten about within a couple of months, because my gut feeling is that Shueisha was ultimately more concerned about what their Japanese readership might think about the controversy than what the Chinese and Korean fans thought. I could be wrong about that, and maybe also giving Horikoshi too much benefit of the doubt, but meh :/

anyway! so now that we’ve gotten that topic out of the way, let’s see how many pages it will take before the heroes finally realize just how much of an “oh fuck” situation they’ve gotten themselves into!

so the cover page is Hawks and Endeavor, but more importantly (to me), it establishes that this is indeed a hotel/resort and not a mansion, as the readheroaca team randomly translated it as last week. like does that look like any mansion you’ve ever seen. come on now

anyway so now my question is what happens if someone actually tries to stay at this hotel. do they just book that shit on trivago and enjoy a week up in the mountains surrounded by very strange but seemingly nice people, and just never suspect a thing? like, Gigantomachia lives in the basement here. I’m just saying. how dense can these hypothetical travelers be

also the hotel is apparently 80km from the hospital, or about 50 miles for us troglodytes who still use the imperial system. so pretty safe to say neither team will be able to provide backup to the other in this case. I will try not to think about this

so now Ujiko, the man without a name, is screaming while Endeavor and his group just STAND THERE LIKE TWENTY FEET AWAY. what the fuck

I swear to god he looked so much closer in the previous chapter. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING. HE’S GOT NOUMUS IN THE BASEMENT!! CAN YOU FUCKING ARREST HIS ASS ALREADY

YESSSS AIZAWA

what are the odds that the next panel features Aizawa Shouta looking more pissed off than we’ve ever seen him. oh my god. it’s probably going to be hot af. I’m not sure I’m ready

booooooo

that is more or less the opposite of hot af. Horikoshi why you gotta do me like that

well well WELL!

you mean to say Mr. Innocent Quirkless Philanthropist isn’t actually quirkless?? even though he wasn’t actually innocent?? and he wasn’t actually a philanthropist either?? well I am just SHOCKED. who saw this coming. how could this happen

also for real this is creeping me the fuck out though

it does make sense though. I just can’t picture AFO entrusting so much of his operation to this dude if he actually was quirkless. because he’d view someone without a quirk as being lesser/inferior. so Ujiko almost had to have something up his sleeve. although it’s possible he could have been granted a quirk, rather than being born with one I suppose

!!!!

DO NOT TELL ME THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS THE FUCKING IMMORTALITY QUIRK. WHAT THE FUCK. IS HE JUST GOING TO SHRIVEL UP INTO NOTHING. NO FUCKING WAY HE GOES DOWN THAT EASY WHAT THE HELL

(ETA: and does this mean that if Aizawa ever visits AFO and uses his quirk on him, AFO will also instantly age like 200 fucking years? could that actually kill him?)

duuuuude. Nao’s speculating about whether the Noumus’ regeneration ability actually stems from this quirk. ...but that can’t be the case, can it? otherwise AFO would have been able to heal his injuries from the battle with All Might. we know for a fact he’s known Ujiko for at least 15 years. but still, either way it’s still one hell of a powerful quirk

which now seems to be unraveling before our very eyes. uh...

anyone else getting Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade vibes? “he chose... poorly”

oh MY GOD!!

do it Mic do it do it do it

oh my god. well he’s not killing him with his voice, but instead this is happening

nooo Mic. I need you to be less anguished and more murdery. I don’t want feels yet!! goddammit

I mean it’s not asking for too much, is it? I just want a teensy little bit of satisfaction before the shit hits the fan. just torture him a little bit. just a little!

oh hey some doctors are intervening because the heroes look like psychopaths right now

s2g if one of these fuckers gets in between Ujiko and Aizawa’s line of sight and he fucking gets away -- !! oh my god. I can’t fucking take this. ffdffjjjk I’m so anxious you guys, I could never be a hero the stress is too much

so instead of explaining it to these rightfully concerned people, the heroes are just pushing them aside and telling them to stand back. and like, on the one hand I get it. they’re on the clock, they have to eliminate John-kun before the hotel villains get wind of the attack, and they don’t have time to explain an entire series’s worth of backstory to everyone who asks about it. but on the other hand, I also just want them to shout “HE EXPERIMENTED ON CHILDREN AND CORPSES AND CREATED THE NOUMUS!” or something. just so they know. I need them to know goddammit

but at least the patients seem to all be pretty chill about it lmao

-- holy shit. okay, three things

that panel with them moving the beds is my favorite

the panel with Tora holding this one guy who’s suddenly IN LOVE is also my favorite. oh man. Tora you are the manliest

combat with the WHAT DID YOU SAY NOW

so they knew?? well that sure fucking explains why Endeavor made the executive decision to keep his son and the other kids as far away as possible. but also, what? so like they must not realize that there are more high ends, then. right? or else they surely would not be so casual about this

holy shit?!

just how thorough was this investigation?? I really need to stop underestimating the heroes huh. should have learned my lesson after Kamino. these guys do their homework. it’s just that there’s always some one last thing that they failed to account for

so what is it going to be then in this case? Tomura is the one controlling them now? shitttttt

oh god. yeah, Miruko’s just casually kicking down the mortuary door and she’s all “we know who’s controlling them!” so I assume they believe that it’s Ujiko. which is honestly what I myself assumed up until about ten seconds ago, so fair enough

SDKFJLSKHGLK THERE IT IS

hot. a. f. just like I said. excuse me sir but there are laws against smoking in a hospital. because you’re smoking. get it. ...it’s because you’re hot. ...yes sir I’m sorry sir I will stop now

so Ujiko is sobbing and screaming “let me go!!” and okay but where is Present Mic? do you see, Mic. this is what I wanted, okay. but it’s all right, I understand that you were upset

ohhhhhhhhhh ffffuuuu

Endeavor with a worried look and lots of dots followed by an exclamation point, and then a closeup of Ujiko’s mouth looking surprisingly sinister as he reiterates for them to let him go. I’M SURE THIS IS ALL FINE. WE’RE ALL FINE. THAT’S OKAY HORIKOSHI, YOU CAN END THE CHAPTER HERE, IT’S GOOD. WE GOT LIKE WHAT, EIGHT PAGES? THAT’S PLENTY, REALLY

FUFFFFFFF NO MIRUKO DON’T GO FLYING INTO THE VOID! THE VOID IS BAD

HOLY SHIT

jesus christ. Miruko does the exact same thing as Katsuki where she sees a wall and she’s all “FUCK YEAH.” goddamn. it honest to god gave me a boost of confidence even as I watched her announce that THE NOUMU ARE DOING THE EXACT FUCKING THING SHE JUST SAID THAT THEY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO DO

and also that is 100% a black Noumu there on the right side. so confirmed, the big guns are here too

HOLY SHIT TIMES TWO

THIS FUCKING HOSPITAL REALLY HAD THE FUCKING ASTEROID WORM FROM EMPIRE STRIKES BACK IN THE FREAKING BASEMENT, AND YOU ALL COULDN’T FUCKING DETECT THAT?? GET BETTER DETECTING TECHNOLOGY YOU DUMB HEROES

but nice save, Aizawa!! I personally would not have had such quick reflexes upon being confronted by a giant monster lunging out of the floor to stick out its multipronged DRILL TONGUE WHICH IS ALSO ITS BRAIN, haha. can someone please check on Horikoshi to make sure he is doing all right. I have some concerns about the mind that drew this

holy shit the drill tongue Noumu is actually drilling into Ujiko. like there’s blood and stuff

-- SHIT

THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE THE DAMN GOGGLES YOU ASSHOLE!! “BUT MAKESTE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WANTED ME TO TAKE THEM OFF SO THAT I COULD LOOK HOT.” WELL JUST LOOK AT HOW WELL THAT TURNED OUT! THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER LISTEN TO ME

(ETA: well it turned out not to matter BUT STILL.)

lmao Endeavor looks so fucking mad

“THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE THE DAMN GOGGLES YOU ASSHOLE.” I know, right?!

...aaaaaand this is happening

lol. good job @blessedgirthma you called it. it’s a clone! hahaha, fuck

and so the bad man lives to see another day. bets on who will eventually be the one to take him out? just remember how long that list is. lots of enemies, Ujiko. you’ll get yours

but right now I guess we have some other things to worry about

by the way we best pray to god that it was Twice who made that clone and not Ujiko himself, because if Ujiko has managed to replicate that ability on top of everything else, we can truly kiss the world goodbye

but anyway! so that’s Noumu!Tomura confirmed then, in my book. and there are the 11! does this mean they’re not at the hospital?? all I know is they had better not be out on the outskirts of the city where my babies are

also is Ujiko talking to himself here. it almost seems like his words are coming out of the clone’s mouth. but Twice doesn’t have that kind of clone puppeteering ability. so then who is this guy bragging to. -- oh my god can he see us

lmao he’s plopping into his science chair and zooming halfway across the room

don’t misunderstand me though, one panel of being super relatable does not make up for a lifetime of horrific and nauseating crimes

-- THERE ARE MORE VATS!!! HOLY SHIT

THERE ARE MORE VATS. THERE ARE MORE VATS

there is at least one more row than I recall seeing in that previous chapter way back when. so even more high ends. in addition to the 12 (11 considering Endeavor subsequently fried one) we previously saw

and also I just realized, he did say “this” hospital. meaning he is still in the basement? so these guys are still right under their noses, then? oh god oh god so much to process and all of it is terrible god

GAAAAAAASPPP

MILADY!!!!!

holy shit. you guys. what the fuck. the hell was All Might thinking going to U.A. to pick a student successor when Miruko was right fucking there. like I’m just saying??

and also, fuck me he is getting away

OH MY GOD

SHE FUCKING MURDERED POOR JOHN-KUN JUST LIKE THAT WHAAAAAT. YOU GUYS I CAN’T BELIEVE MIRUKO IS THE NEW MAIN CHARACTER OF BNHA, TIMES ARE WILD

lmao and that’s the end of the chapter. holy shit. all I need is for her to say “I am here!” and I’m set. I leave it in your capable hands. why was she not in charge to begin with. number five hero my ass!! smdh for real though guys lol

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sineala · 5 years

Note

Hey =) I know you are usually suspicious of questions that are accusatory towards Tony’s character but I’m not trolling I promise 🙈 I read a blog that called Tony racist and bigot, that he is like Trump. I know it was a hate blog but it mentioned that Tony has a history of mistreating women and mistreating his best friend Rhodey in comics not MCU. Since you are an expert I was hoping you could address them. Thank you xoxo

Okay. So. While I am flattered that you think of me as an expert on Tony’s character, so much so that you’d like me to refute these claims that were made by a hate blog, I have a few things I would like to say:

1. Maybe you should stop reading Tony Stark hate blogs if you are a fan of the character, as you’re not likely to read anything that’s going to make you happy, and surely your fandom experience should be about making you happy.

2. If they’re going to be making these assertions, I would argue that it’s actually on them to prove their arguments, so really they ought to be the ones hauling out specific panels to back up their argument that Tony is a terrible human being. I don’t see why anyone else should have to do it for them.

3. Superhero comic books have not been historically an extremely subtle genre, and no matter what hero you’re talking about, it is extremely unlikely that Marvel would want to intentionally portray any heroic character as a racist or sexist. Are there panels from the 60s that would be out of place now? Yeah, sure – and they’re there in every comic. But in context, they were thought of as appropriate for the time. Tony Stark has always been meant to be a hero and a good man.

4. I am one (1) human being and I only have one (1) good hand to type with and there are only so many hours in the day and I honestly do not want to spend them pulling panels to attempt to prove a negative. Did you know it’s really hard to prove a negative?

But briefly, since you asked:

On racism:

To the extent of my knowledge, Rhodey has absolutely been one of Tony’s best and closest friends since he was introduced into the comics. Tony has given him Iron Man suits. Tony has given him War Machine suits. While Tony was drinking, Rhodey brought him home and let him stay in his family home with his own mother and did everything he could to get him sober.

And while Tony and Rhodey have certainly had a few disagreements over the years, none of them have – to my knowledge – been in any way racially-motivated. Off the top of my head, they have a big fight in the second drinking arc because Rhodey (who is Iron Man) is afraid that Tony will want him to give up being Iron Man and basically Tony would rather crawl over broken glass than be Iron Man again but neither of them are talking about this, and then it escalates into punching about this before they admit they should really be talking about this. There’s also an arc in the early 90s where Tony fakes his own death and IIRC Rhodey is mad that Tony didn’t tell him he wasn’t dead. There could be more but that’s all that’s coming to mind right now.

But, seriously, if you pick up pretty much any Iron Man comic with Rhodey in it, it should be pretty obvious that they love each other. They have literally told each other so. Also, Tony brought Rhodey back from the dead after Civil War II and, man, you don’t do that for just anyone.

I will acknowledge that I have not read every Iron Man comic that there is and I know that a lot of the early-canon racism was really really obviously extreme (like, characters were literally colored yellow) – but that is a different topic and, as far as I know, Tony and Rhodey absolutely love each other in a way that is not up for debate.

On misogyny:

Again, no. Tony has been canonically portrayed as a playboy, although how this is expressed has varied over the years. In early canon, he was very clear (in his internal narration) about the fact that he was only pretending to be a playboy and was in fact avoiding getting close to anyone (seriously, he refuses to hug his fiancee) for fear that they will find out his secret and/or be sad when he dies, which he thinks he will inevitably do soon.

It’s true that he dates a lot of women in canon, but he does so in a way that’s pretty much just serial monogamy. He gets his heart broken a lot. There is no evidence that he behaves poorly toward any of them. Sometimes his exes are actual villains and like to hurt him; it’s not the other way around. He clearly has at least some casual sex (by the time of Matt Fraction’s run) and Civil War establishes the fact that he’s friends with benefits with Emma Frost when neither of them are otherwise occupied. Currently, he’s dating Jan Van Dyne and there is no sign that he is mistreating her in any way and I would think that Jan of all people would be particularly aware of that.

As far as I am aware, he has absolutely never mistreated women in any way. Like, even the orgies in Superior Iron Man were, as far as I am aware, completely consensual (with the proviso that many of the participants were probably not 100% sober, and Tony certainly wasn’t). Superior Tony is an asshole who starts drinking and starts making weapons and charges San Francisco for Extremis but even he doesn’t commit sexual assault.

There is literally one instance I can think of that is at all relevant to this, and that’s an arc in the early 90s when Tony is possessed by a being named Vor/Tex, and Vor/Tex decides he’s going to take Tony’s body for a joyride. He promptly gets drunk, attempts to rape a woman, then gets into Tony’s armor and shoots up a bunch of people while yelling “die! die! die!” but, again, this is NOT ACTUALLY TONY and when Tony gets his body back, he is absolutely horrified and goes to AA and attempts to make amends to everyone Vor/Tex hurt.

I hope that can lay some of this to rest.

Also, Captain America thinks that Tony Stark and Iron Man are two of the finest men he’s ever had the honor of knowing. Seriously. He’s a good guy. Maybe you don’t like him, and that’s fair, because you’re certainly not required to like him, but he is absolutely intended to be a good person who tries to do the right thing whenever possible. That’s… kind of the point of superheroes.

#Anonymous #replies

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theliberaltony · 4 years

Link

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Welcome to FiveThirtyEight’s weekly politics chat. The transcript below has been lightly edited.

sarahf (Sarah Frostenson, politics editor): With the spread of the new coronavirus in the U.S., the 2020 Democratic primary is on a bit of a hiatus. Many states have postponed their primaries, and now we might not wrap things up until late June. But the expected outcome is hardly a surprise — former Vice President Joe Biden is for all intents and purposes the presumptive nominee.

Sen. Bernie Sanders is still in the race, but at this point, the question is less about what Sanders can do to mount a comeback and more about what can Biden do — if anything — to win over Sanders voters, particularly as we start to transition to the general-election phase of 2020.

So, let’s unpack this question in three parts:

First, how much does Biden need Sanders supporters? Or in other words, what does it mean for Biden’s base of support if he’s able to win over Sanders supporters? What does it mean if he can’t?

Second, how does Biden actually win over Sanders supporters?

And third, how important is party unity — or Democrats rallying behind one candidate — for what happens in 2020?

nrakich (Nathaniel Rakich, elections analyst): Well, this is so obvious that it sounds stupid to say out loud, but: Biden needs some Sanders primary voters to support him in November, since Sanders has won about 31 percent of the national popular vote so far. But he doesn’t need every single one.

Some Sanders-or-bust voters might stay home in November; that happens to some degree in every election.

But most Sanders voters don’t fit that description. According to a recent Morning Consult poll, 82 percent of Sanders supporters say they would vote for Biden in the general election, and just 7 percent said they would vote for Trump. And Quinnipiac University found that 86 percent of Sanders voters would vote for Biden, 3 percent would vote for Trump, 2 percent would vote for someone else, 4 percent wouldn’t vote, and 5 percent didn’t know who they’d vote for.

geoffrey.skelley (Geoffrey Skelley, elections analyst): Yeah, I mean, you have polls showing Biden winning ~90 percent of Democrats in general election trial heats against Trump. So he’s likely winning over most Sanders voters. But if a Trump-Biden matchup were to be a close election like 2016, any shortfall in support from Sanders voters would be magnified.

nrakich: Yeah, Biden should certainly want to win over as many Sanders supporters as possible.

Every little bit counts!

sarahf: One thing you’ve written about for the site, Perry, is the age divide we’ve seen play out in the Democratic primary with Sanders consistently winning voters under 45.

But you’ve also written that these voters generally vote Democratic in a general election, so maybe Biden doesn’t have to worry all that much about making special inroads here? That is, it will come with time?

perry (Perry Bacon Jr., senior writer): Every bit of enthusiasm and turnout from younger voters helps Biden. That said, it’s worth separating the cohort of people under 45 from the “Sanders-or-bust” people. Overall, I think the under 45 group will be fine with Biden because they hate Trump more.

geoffrey.skelley: Data from the Cooperative Congressional Election Study suggested that about three-fourths of Sanders’s voters backed Hillary Clinton in 2016. Might that number be higher in 2020? Maybe.

On the one hand, it’s possible that some of the anti-Hillary, conservative Democratic voters that Sanders won in places like Oklahoma and West Virginia are now Republicans who didn’t participate in the 2020 primary. But it’s also possible that a handful of those voters back Biden. For instance, he’s already been doing better than Sanders among white primary voters without a college degree, a group Sanders won handily in 2016.

So the tradeoff for Biden in 2020 may be that he loses youth turnout but gets more votes from suburban moderate types who are older. Given that older voters are more reliable voters, that might be an OK trade for Biden.

nrakich: Yeah, I think there are a lot more votes up for grabs among suburban Romney-Clinton voters than there are among young voters.

Biden winning suburban areas in the primary doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll win them in the general (the actual voters are different — primaries are just a fraction of the general electorate). But as a more moderate candidate who doesn’t rail against the rich, he is likely to appeal more to these more moderate, well-to-do voters than Sanders.

sarahf: That makes sense, especially based on your analysis, Nathaniel, of turnout in the primary so far, but I can’t help but wonder about your other point — voters in the primary are different than the general — so maybe some of Biden’s support among the Romney-Clinton style voters is inflated?

Or the fact that Biden has won rural areas that Clinton did poorly in in 2016 isn’t actually that good of a sign for his coalition in a general election context? So maybe young and very liberal voters will actually be very important to Biden’s coalition?

nrakich: People shouldn’t use primary election results as a portent of the general election. Biden won every county in Michigan in the primary, but he obviously won’t do that in the general. Winning white working-class Democrats isn’t the same as winning white working-class independents or Republicans. That said, I don’t think it’s a bad sign for him that turnout was up so much in highly educated suburban areas.

perry: Biden should try to win older voters and younger voters, moderate voters and liberal voters, and I don’t necessarily see those things as trade-offs. Obama was stronger than Clinton across all kinds of voting blocs in 2008.

So getting younger voters excited about his candidacy is important and useful for Biden. He will likely win the under 45 vote (historically, Democrats do), but growing that margin should be a goal of his campaign.

sarahf: OK, so what does Biden do to actually win over Sanders supporters?

nrakich: Well, the first and most obvious answer is to adopt some of Sanders’s positions. He has already started moving left (although, it should be noted, not as far left as Sanders) on issues like free college tuition — quite savvily, in my opinion, because that is one progressive policy that actually has strong support among all voters, not just Democrats.

geoffrey.skelley: Exactly. That seems like a pretty transparent play for younger voters, and possibly older millennials who like Sanders and who also have kids and are starting to think about how they’ll pay for college some day.

nrakich: Two other progressive positions that Biden could take without alienating general-election voters are coming out in favor of legalizing marijuana and implementing an Elizabeth Warren-style wealth tax.

geoffrey.skelley: Of course, the latter might alienate some donors.

nrakich: True.

I also don’t think Biden will ever fully replace Sanders in many voters’ minds — a lot of Sanders’s appeal is based on his personality and tear-down-the-system rhetoric.

geoffrey.skelley: Yeah, and Biden’s appeal has been that of a safe harbor in a storm — even more so now that we face the new coronavirus threat. He’s interested in reforming the system, not breaking it up and then rebuilding it.

perry: I honestly don’t think Biden has to do much of anything to win the votes of the overwhelming majority of Sanders voters — except to not be Trump. The question is more about, “How does he get them excited?” The danger of Biden is that he is like Clinton in 2016 — he wins the votes of the older, traditional Democrats in the primary, but he is not a candidate people are jazzed about — and that shows up in voter turnout, in donations, in the general mood of the campaign.

Biden can’t be Obama in 2008, but he should avoid being Clinton in 2016 or Kerry in 2004. I think he should aim for a running mate people are really excited to vote for.

geoffrey.skelley: Is that Sen. Kamala Harris? I don’t see it being Sen. Amy Klobuchar.

perry: Geoff, I honestly don’t know who that person is. But I think it should be an Obama-like person — exciting less in terms of policy (the party is divided on policy) but more in terms of persona and charisma.

As I was saying earlier, Biden should focus on energizing “Democrats under 45,” not “Sanders supporters.”

nrakich: The problem is that everyone has a different definition of who is “exciting.” The stereotypical leftist Sanders voter isn’t going to be jazzed about Harris, who has her own problems among the progressive flank. Maybe not even someone like Stacey Abrams, who appeals to the “woke” wing of the party but is certainly closer to Biden than Sanders on policy.

And then there is the fact that it’s debatable how much of an impact vice-presidential candidates even have.

sarahf: That makes sense, Perry, definitely from a messaging vantage point, anyway. But right, to Nathaniel’s point, it’s hard for me to imagine Sanders voters being excited by Harris as his VP pick. But maybe that’s the point — it isn’t about the diehard loyal fans as much as it is about just generally energizing younger voters.

That especially holds true given that turnout in these primaries hasn’t been historic, as many thought it would be.

It’s easy to read too much into the primary and try to apply that to the general election, but the turnout question for 2020 does give me pause, especially if Biden, like you say, is someone the Democratic Party rallies around but isn’t necessarily jazzed about.

nrakich: But how many young voters are against Biden because he’s not far left enough, and how many are against him because they just want a new generation of leadership? I genuinely don’t know.

perry: I think the second group (new generation of leadership) is both bigger and easier to satisfy (because moving left might create electoral problems).

geoffrey.skelley: Right. Pew Research found back in 2017 that while younger Democrats and those who leaned Democratic were more liberal than older Democrats, they weren’t that much more liberal.

sarahf: So how important is party unity for what happens in 2020? As has been said in this chat, in many ways the biggest factor for the Democratic nominee is that they’re not Trump. That said, is there a risk that Democrats don’t rally behind Biden? After all, that was a critique of what happened in 2016, with some arguing Sanders cost Clinton the election. Could that happen again in 2020?

perry: Party unity is super important. But I think Trump will create party unity. Sanders and Warren will eventually be strongly behind Biden. And the biggest difference between 2016 and 2020 is not between Clinton and Biden (they are very similar candidates) but between Trump 2016 (theoretical) and Trump 2020 (a reality Democrats hate). Because of Trump, some of the problems Clinton faced in getting the base behind her won’t be as much of an issue for Biden.

nrakich: Yeah, I think we’ve been getting at this question indirectly. Party unity will be important, sure, but according to the polls cited above, Democrats largely already have it. And some of those Sanders voters who may have cost Clinton the 2016 general election may have just been anti-Clinton voters in the primary as well. It doesn’t seem like there is a rash of anti-Biden protest voting this year.

geoffrey.skelley: It helps to not have been a target of attacks for a quarter century before becoming your party’s nominee.

Also, while we do have some exit-poll data suggesting some Sanders voters might not want to vote for Biden, it’s important to remember that some might answer that question differently once they are no longer in the thick of the primary. I’m reminded of “Party Unity My Ass” Clinton voters (PUMAs) in 2008. Obviously, Democrats were largely unified behind Obama that November.

nrakich: Right, and also, no one asked whether PUMA voters cost Obama that election — he won handily! So it’s clearly possible to win after a divisive primary.

In fact, according to one study, only 70 percent of Clinton voters in 2008 voted for Obama — comparable to, and even a bit lower than, the three-quarters of Sanders voters who we think voted for Clinton in the 2016 general election. So it wasn’t party unity per se that cost Clinton the 2016 election — the party was about equally united in 2008 and 2016. Instead, it was how close the election already was that made the difference. And it could come down to that again in 2020.

#IFTTT #Politics – FiveThirtyEight #politics #538 #A FiveThirtyEight Chat

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snkpolls · 5 years

Text

SnK S3E21 Poll Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 260 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

RATE THE EPISODE 251 Responses

As usual, the episode received good ratings! A small minority could have been more impressed, but overall people were happy.

It was great, another 10/10 episode. My only gripe is that they should've cut the opening this time as well to have more time to put some great dialogues from the manga.

A bit bummed that quite a bit of lines from the manga didn't make it into the episode, but otherwise pretty damn good.

Great one, though not as great as the previous one.

Some shots were not 1 to 1 to the manga, which was a bit sad, but overall the episode was amazing!

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS THE MOST IMPRESSIONABLE MOMENT? 255 Responses

Kruger bringing up Armin and Mikasa to Grisha was voted as the most notable scene from this episode. Behind that at 18.4% was the “Attack Titan” name drop moment. Kruger encouraging Grisha to carry out his mission came at a distant third with only 5.7% of the vote.

Everyone joking about Eren’s phase was hilarious. The lampshading of generic anime protag behaviour was great.

The end gave me c h i l l s. I loved how the outro started playing in the last little bits of krugers and grishas conversation and how the outro imagery was changed to titan history images instead. That whole scene was such a pleasant surprise.

KRUGER SAID EVIL AND GOOD PEOPLE ONLY EXIST IF THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE CALLED. DO YOU BELIEVE THIS? 253 Responses

Just over half of respondents believe that “good” and “evil” are typically subjective terms, although there are a few who are objectively one or the other. 40.7% feel that “good” and “evil” are always subjective no matter what. A small 7.1% feel that “good” and “evil” are entirely objective with no room for argument.

Kruger's "you can be a god or demon depending on what you claim" is maybe the most overrated line in the story. He's musing on the fallibility of historical narrative and the ease with which people are deceived and made ignorant, not making some grand statement that there is no real morality.

DO YOU THINK GRISHA WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR KRUGER TO ENTRUST THE TITAN POWER? 254 Responses

The vast majority of respondents feel that Grisha was a suitable successor of the Attack Titan after Kruger, while 18.5% aren’t certain he was the right choice.

WHAT IS THE BEST NAME FOR EREN’S TITAN? 255 Responses

69% percent (lol) of respondents prefer the official English name, “Attack Titan.” 18.8% prefer the literal translation of “Shingeki no Kyojin” as “Advancing Titan.” A few fans still prefer Eren’s long-time fandom label as the “Rogue Titan.” A few write-ins also had some fun takes:

American Titan, because he loves Freedom

Bedhead Titan

F R E E D O M TITAN

Crotchless sex on legs.

Elfian Titan / Elf Titan

Attacking Titan

Grisha, this titan has a name, it is Best Ass Titan.

WHAT ARE PATHS? 254 Responses

What are paths though? Like seriously? Okay, but seriously, 35.4% of respondents feel that they are metaphysical threads of fate. Closely behind at 32.7%, people are simply just confused and still can’t wrap their head around the concept of paths. 25.2% believe that paths are like an invisible highway between time periods. What are paths really, though?

As a manga reader i still don't get what paths are

By Ymir and the walls, every time I think I understand or at least accept paths something comes out of left field and leaves me shooketh.

PATHS IS NOT A SPOILER ANYMORE!!

EREN KRUGER MENTIONED MIKASA AND ARMIN WHEN HE WAS TALKING TO GRISHA - HOW DID HE KNOW THEIR NAMES? 254 Responses

42.9% of respondents feel it can only be explained as paths connecting all Eldians like a thread of fate, something unexplainable. 33.5% believe that Kruger simply tapped into the memories of either Grisha or Eren. 14.6% think that Eren sent this message back in time to Kruger.

I think its a message passed down through the Attack Titan

Eren confused his own thoughts with the memories

I was always thinking it was someone else talking to Eren and as Eren did something, the memories were sent backwards

The Attack Titan keeps moving forward. It can glimpse further down the line into the fourth dimension.

I don't know, hopefully Isayama will explain this one day.

I noticed during this episode that Kruger looks just like Grisha as both a child and an adult. Perhaps he... is Grisha?

This conversation is a flashback alright ? Then, it’s only Eren’s wish interfering with the flashback. It’s actually Eren’s actual mind which is deforming the thing

If the theory of the time loop is real, maybe that's how the message kinda got sent, similarly how Eren got glimpses of his future when he was a kid. Maybe they've been doing this for so long now that they've tried to send messages through time so that they know what needs to be done.

Kruger was speaking as Grisha, which means he was experiencing Grisha's memory

it's the time loop guys

I have always assumed Eren's memories were mixed up with Grisha's, which is why he'd “remember" Kruger mentioning Armin & Mikasa's names, but now I'm not sure. Maybe "PATHS" really make memories a two way street.

KRUGER SAYS IN ORDER TO STOP THEIR CURSED HISTORY FROM REPEATING, GRISHA MUST LEARN TO LOVE SOMEONE. DO YOU THINK THIS COULD BE GENERAL ADVICE FOR THE REST OF HUMANITY? 253 Responses

We had an almost-tie here, but 43.9% took the lead, with respondents feeling that “love” is a primary method for breaking a cycle of hatred, prejudice and despair. 43.1% feel that while “love” is a nice, flowery solution to the world’s problems, it’s just not that simple. 8.3% aren’t sure either way, and a small amount believe firmly that “love” isn’t a reasonable approach to solving the world’s issues.

NEXT WEEK IS THE FINAL EPISODE OF THIS SEASON - ARE YOU EXPECTING A TEASER FOR THE NEXT SEASON? 256 Responses

52.3% of viewers remain hopeful that we will have a season 4 teaser will happen at the end of the episode, solidifying another season of the anime. 38.7% are confident that a teaser will be present. A small percentage have less optimism.

HOW WELL DID THE EPISODE ADAPT THE CORRESPONDING MANGA CHAPTERS? 252 Responses

This episode didn’t get as many 5/5 rankings as most previous episodes did, with quite a bit of commentary about some of the things that were cut from the adaptation:

I missed the line where Kruger said Marleyans wouldn’t exist if the 1700 years ethnic cleansing really happened.

Felt a bit rushed and they left quotes from Kruger out which I believe are important.

They cut way too much of Kruger dialogue. They missed some of the things that made him such an interesting character.

This episode was good as always but I'm mad that they cut a lot from the Kruger and Grisha scene (mainly the mention of Grandpa Jaeger or how marley keep the eldians in the camp as weapons). Those aren't essential but important to add layers and complexify the plot. Kruger speech was what I was looking forward the most this season…

The Kruger conversation was cut down too harshly imo

I was missing the scene where Kruger tells grisha that his father was a smart man & that he was just trying to prevent losing more of his family.

They decided to cut some of the most important dialogue pieces from this episode, like "a doctor to falsify his blood test”

Less rushed than the previous episode but I really hate how they cropped the entirety of Kruger's involvment. It makes him look like more of a plot device than in the manga: the implications he had an agenda with the restorationists, his view on good vs evil explained (unrealistic ethnic cleansing and unrealistic miracles), how he perceived Grandpa Yeager (a smart man who didn't want his last child to walk on the path to hell)...

The anime also omitted a couple of things: Kruger suspecting Marley would no longer have any use of Eldians in the internment zone if they get the Founder and the past of the Eldian Empire, saying they used titans as weapons of mass destruction. The last one is important as the anime is really biased towards EMA's side.

Some minor dialogue cuts but it's not nearly as bad as manga readers are making it out to be.

DO YOU THINK KRUGER SACRIFICING ELDIANS FOR VITAL INFORMATION IS COMPARABLE TO WHAT EREN MAY BE DOING NOW? 254 Responses

43.3% of manga readers feel that Eren and Kruger’s actions are comparable as necessary evils in order to reach a beneficial goal for everyone. 32.3% feel that while the actions are comparable, the goals may not be. 11.8% feel that there’s not enough evidence to say either way. 7.9% felt that the contexts for both characters are completely different and not comparable.

I think what Kruger.did was more cruel than what Eren is doing now

Need to know Eren’s actual plans tbh.

They both believe that their goal is ultimately right - although I wouldn't necessarily call it beneficial

GIVEN THE MANGA EVENTS, DO YOU BELIEVE EREN IS BEING INFLUENCED BY HIS TITAN’S MEMORIES? 256 Responses

Nearly 40% of respondents feel that Eren is influenced by the memories given to him through his titan part of the time. 32% feel that it is happening always, and 15.2% aren’t sure.

This episode wonder if the nine titans had wills and personalities of their own. It can’t be a coincidence that the Attack Titan always finds its way to Eldians who desire freedom. It also makes me wonder about the way Bertholdt addressed Armin and seemed way different than usual in rts. Mikasa thought that Bertholdt was acting like a different person than they’ve seen. I think the Colossal influenced that behavior and was anticipating a new holder. Perhaps the colossal titan is always in love with the Female Titan also, forcing its holders to have feelings for the female titan holder. Which might explain Armin’s strange behavior in other chapters. This is just rambling and the concept of paths are still confusing though.

Regarding the influence of Titans: I believe everyone is being influenced. Having the memories of a differet person, their experiences and feelings is an influence. Wether they are acting different because of these is a different story. But even then, the current holder is still the one who decides to act different, based on their (now gained) own experiences. It's therefore not different from people changing after going thorugh something horrible themselves. 'influenced' is mostly used as 'being controlled' by this fandom, which I think is simply wrong. So: Yes, he is influenced. No, he is not being controlled.

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT HISTORIA SEEING YMIR’S BACKSTORY THROUGH PATHS? 256 Responses

33.2% of respondents feel that it was a reasonable way to recap Ymir’s story while also giving closure for her character, while 28.1% found that it only made the concept of paths come off as more confusing. 16.4% feel that this will be touched more on in future manga chapters. 12.1% disagree with WIT’s decision to put Ymir’s backstory in season 2, as opposed to here.

Historia being able to glimpse into Ymir's memories made perfect sense to me. She's done that before with Rod in a moment of emotions running high, so Royal Blood+contact with DNA+strong emotions might have a role. Beyond that, I'm sticking to my belief that paths can be compared to the fourth dimension in spacetime terms.

I didn't really like the execution of Ymir's letter to Historia. The paths looked kinda cool but it's also a little out of place and just ??? The letter also kind of lost its value as well since it was cut short and seems like Ymir doesn't tell Historia anything about her past as well. Yikes

Did Ymir write the letter with her blood for Historia to see her past ????

The path scene with Historia and Ymir was odd: at the same time the anime isn't at its first when it comes to plot conveniences (sleep darts, berserk Eren), but it's also not the same time Historia got an influx of erased memories at random times (her playtime with Frieda)

I lost it when PATHS activated for Historia

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT YMIR’S FATE BEING IMPLIED IN THE FLASHBACKS? 256 Responses

Nearly 45% of respondents feel that WIT did a good thing by placing the implications of Ymir’s death in this episode, rather than show it as an afternote during the Marley arc. 17.2% wish the scene would have been longer. 14.5% were simply hyped to see Porco’s silhouette.

I hated how unclear Ymir’s death was. You really couldn’t tell she died without knowing from the manga, and in the manga, it was a really impactful character moment. It really showed how little Ymir cared for herself and submitted to Marley because of her guilt for eating Marcel by accident.

I think Ymir's death should have been focused on a bit longer, because I saw ppl did not quite catch what happened. Then again, people don't seem to care much about her anyway :(

PORCO THO!!!!

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 256 Responses

Unsurprisingly, the journey to the sea is the most anticipated moment of the next episode. There are a few who are looking forward to the moments that take place during the ceremony more, though.

next episode, we will see Hitch again and I'm not ready for that.

I'm honestly not looking forward anything in the next episode, all the really interesting stuff already happened

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

The pace are a bit weird, they skipped several parts but i think isn't the problem if anime onlies had critical thinking/observation. Overall it's good and i though porco inherited the jaw titan after the timeskip(because how the flashback played in manga) but the anime cleared it and his lifespan is same as armin.

I noticed that Hanji had referred to Grisha as "Mr. Jaeger" and not Dr. Jaeger. 1) that just doesn't sound right to me. 2) is there any reason for that? I believe earlier in the series they had referred to him as Dr. Jaeger, so why the change?

Roses are red, PATHS are confusing, this episode was very amusing. Mina's best girl PEACE OUT

I want to hug eren. Both Anime!Eren and manga!Eren.

I didnt particularly like the way they did the Attack Titan namedrop

There were so many mistakes with the height of the characters this episode... What is WIT doing?

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 244 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated! We’ll see you back in a few days.

#snk spoilers #snk s3 #snk poll #snk polls #poll results

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kalluun-patangaroa · 5 years

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Afternoon Delight: Brett Anderson Interviewed

by Tariq Goddard

The Quietus, 3 October 2019

Tariq Goddard sits down with Suede frontman, Brett Anderson for a frank talk ahead of the publication of Afternoons With The Blinds Drawn, the second volume of the singer's memoirs

Portrait by Paul Khera

Coal Black Mornings, the first volume of Brett Anderson’s memoir, was a haunting and unusual addition to the genre, eschewing the devices and gimmickry that are the principle selling points of a rock star confessional, for a harrowingly reflective and thoughtful overview of his early years. Anderson took the reader back to a time before the music, to the experiences that informed the songs, albums, and eventual career trajectory, and in doing so, circumnavigated the years of his triumph during which he rose to public prominence and critical acclaim.

His onus on the creatively formative period that preceded success, the tender portraits of his family, particularly his complicated relationship with his father, a man who may have wished he had the life his son had, and the recollections of an England that has vanished so completely as to no longer be a place, offered a more unique and heartfelt history than the celebrity tittle-tattle fans might have thought they wanted. To do anything comparable with the second volume, a story Anderson vowed not to tell, would at once be easier for him - his material would span the glory days of his career - yet harder, for how could the tenderness of the first book survive grubby contact with the reality of wild adulation and Britpop, a “movement" he admits to despising?

Perhaps to his own surprise Volume II, Afternoons With The Blinds Drawn, strikes the same ruminative notes as the earlier volume, again subverting convention and expectation to avoid cliche and disappointment, written in the vulnerable and careful voice of its antecedent. Instead of dishing up insider gossip, Anderson mentions none of his rivals or contemporaries by name, assiduously sticking to the frequently scorned advice of “if have nothing nice to say, I say nothing”. Portraits of associates, friends and ex-friends are generous, forensic but fair, and there is no attempt to airbrush or underplay anyone else’s role in contributing to Suede’s imperial phase.

Knowing that the man he became in this second volume is not as sympathetic as the youth he was in the first, Anderson goes on to slay the most prominent elephant of all, himself, through pages of literary flagellation few writers could self-administer uncoerced.

Driven by the desire to work out what really happened to him, Anderson’s writing follows an unashamedly conceptual arc (“archetypes”, “convergence theory” and “postmodern play of mirrors” all appear on a single page), constituting a historical inquiry into the motives and processes that lay behind his best and worst work, by way of remorseless self-analysis, painful descriptions of how others must have seen him, and an attempt to grasp why we all think we are right at the time. The light shed and insight shared in these two volumes places them in the same covetable space as Springsteen’s Born To Run or Dylan’s Chronicles, and would be worth cherishing even if Brett Anderson was the reason why you never liked Suede in the first place.

Musicians often write books to sustain and propagate a persona that they have developed over a career, not deconstruct one in a spirit of enquiry. This book reads like it was written by that hidden aspect of yourself that wrote the songs in private, and not the public alter ego we saw perform them…

Brett Anderson: Absolutely, that is the main premise of the book, that it wasn’t going to be written by the Brett Anderson persona but whoever the real person behind it was. The reason why Coal Black Mornings ended where it did was because my public persona didn’t exist then, and I deliberately stopped the story before it had been formed. What I didn’t know was whether I could actually write another book in that same voice I had developed in the first, dealing with the next period of my life, and not drift into public persona I had created by then. It was a massive conundrum for me, as people might be familiar with the events and that version of me, and expect something consistent with that, while I knew I wanted a more personal and interesting story, told in the natural voice of the first book.

There is something I want to be clear about though, this thing with the persona we’re talking about is that it wasn’t necessarily false in the way people understand that to be. I wasn’t just the man behind the mask manipulating people’s view of me, because to inhabit a persona you have to believe in that persona too. Looking back it’s possible to wonder how much of it is really yourself, as it is you and not you at the same time, but all of it still comes from you. You are the one doing it. I mean, everyone manufactures personas all time. People in the public eye simply amplify the process, and the lens of the media then helps magnify and distort the original amplification. The “you” that sits down and watches TV with your family is very different from the “you” sitting here now, but that doesn’t mean that your public self is some Svengali like manipulation of reality. The persona you decide to project says as much about who you are as your private self does. And it was only through growing up, growing up and not giving up these past eleven years, and having kids who you can’t fob off with a persona, that I went through the slow and painful process of taking apart the nuts and bolts of what mine was made of.

The book does come up short on after dinner speaking anecdotage. Although it is often very funny, it doesn’t seem to see its function as to amuse, does it?

BA: No, not at all. The book is a search into what happened to me in those years of success and fame, and what effect that had on me as a person, not a parade of all my achievements, where I ask the reader to look at me and love me. Like the first book, I used my writing as a sounding board very like therapy, and used the questions I was asking of myself to work out my own shit.

Portrait by Pat Pope

Notes from therapy don’t normally make for very interesting reading though…

BA: They don’t, and I knew I was running a risk. In one of my favourite reviews of Coal Black Mornings the reviewer writes, having given it two or three stars out of five, I’m not sure which is the more dismissive number, ‘this book is very well written but the big problem I had with it in the end is it is all about him, him, him!’ Well of course it is, it’s a memoir! Memoir has to take the risk of being indulgent to work.

But for a memoir, I found you very impatient with your own perspective. There’s very little self justification or score settling, often it’s like you’re trying to establish something very close to historical objectivity? Even though you keep saying that it is impossible to do that.

BA: I realise I wanted to know everything that was going on around me at that time, that wasn’t just me or to merely repeat or excuse how I saw things then. And I really didn’t want to fall into one of the lazy tropes of the genre which is just to sit there and slag off other bands. There is a vitriol in there, but I apply it to movements and features of the period, not individuals, partly because I know how the media works now. As soon as you slag off a name, that’s all your book becomes, and you lose all control or ownership of context, and simply end up as a line in a feature in quotes of the year. A memoir is about context, a complex tapestry, not a motormouth series of quotes, and you don’t want to lose that by being petty or boring, or revisiting past rivalries. I mean, who cares who ticked me off? The crazy thing is that there are people who want you to name names and write that kind of book, but I wasn’t prepared to.

But readers are more used to engaging with a work of that kind, aren’t they, who blew coke up whose arsehole?

BA: Absolutely, but the books that do that are the same story with the names changed, you know, the amusing band shenanigans, all the japery, the dirt, all of it is essentially the same tale every time. But that is the expectation, and to be honest, critics can be just as predictable. I’ve had reviews saying that Coal Black Mornings was really good but who was it really for, as it doesn’t sit comfortably in the genre they think it is supposed to be in. But for me that’s a good thing. It’s meant to be more ambitious and about trying to get to the bottom of things and to understand life. Basically the opposite of a series of oft repeated anecdotes. The anecdotes that I have included are the things that are important to me that no one else could have ever known about, because they were purely personal or because sometimes there was simply no one else there to observe them. Whether it’s the beautiful girl who comes up to me just to tell me my band are shit, or the cheese and pickle sandwich I took with me on my first flight to America, these were the things I wanted to share so that I would know they had really happened. You know, the strange and quirky little things that give your life back to you, as they thread in and out of the story everyone else thinks they know…

You are hard on yourself in the book, but you are also very hard on your own music, which from a fan’s point of view might be tough to take. Reading that you have never rated your most successful singles, or that people’s favourite songs had working titles like 'Pisspot' and 'Sombre Bongoes' for example…

BA: Yeah, 'Stay Together', 'Electricity', the Head Music title track, and 'The Power', yeah, I take the sword to them all, but I had to be that self critical in order to be convincing. If I just sat there saying, “I’m a fucking genius and everything I have done is brilliant” anything else I would say would carry zero weight! Especially if I then want to go on and talk about the songs I really do still love, 'Heroine', 'Killing Of A Flash Boy', 'Sleeping Pills', the list goes on. It’s all part of subverting the myth of the god given seer, like the bit where I talk about myself honestly as a musician and admit that I am not a particularly talented one, but what I do have is that I just don’t fucking give up.That admission for me was a moment of truth, it just isn’t what most musicians say, and so another attack on the supposed elegance of my persona. But in the same way I view myself at points in my past as a different person, I see some of those songs as written by a different person, and that is why the flaws so easily reveal themselves to me. As for being hard on myself, again, I had to be. My mistakes were entirely my own and no one else’s fault, certainly not the fault of any childhood trauma or external stuff, and I needed to take responsibility for that. My descent into hell came from being romantically attached to the notion of the artist as a genius that accepts no limits or boundaries, it was that simple.

Do you think the experience of the relatively fallow and low periods in your career helped you develop the sensibility and humility with which you wrote this memoir? That continual and unbroken success may have robbed you of certain insights that disappointment helped provide?

BA: Yes, the end of the band meant I was able to jump off the bandwagon I had been on and develop a different perspective. Those were key years for me as an artist, that I had to have away from Suede, before we came back again. Experiencing struggle and failure, having had success, was crucial for me. I loved making solo records but it did start to feel like a bit of a vanity project as you do need an audience, and there is a certain point where if you drop below a particular level, you begin to wonder whether it is still worth doing. The work may still stand up, but if there’s just a select group you are appealing to, buttressed by family and friends, you can feel like the basic relationship you need with an audience, in order to create, is breaking down. And with having a family too, I thought I couldn’t afford to go on like that anymore. A performance, a book, a song, all these things require an audience, it’s a plea, you are projecting your voice out there and you require an echo in return. Otherwise you’d just stay in your own room and write for yourself, which is what some artists claim to do, but it’s an attitude I have never shared. Because half the point of creating anything is the reaction. I’ve never understood the cliche of the artist that only creates for themselves and never reads their own press.

You have to be Kafka to really not care what happens to your work. Most artists hope for perpetual immortality, on their more modest days.

BA: But did even Kafka really not care though?

He did leave his work with his best friend and literary executor to destroy.

BA: Exactly, his best friend and literary executor! Interesting that he chose a man who thought he was genius for that task! If he really felt that way he should have given everything to someone who really didn’t give a shit about him or his work.

Contingency and chance is one of the big themes of your book. One of the very few contemporaries you name, and then very affectionately, is Loz Hardy of Kingmaker whose fortunes you contrast with yours. You seem to be asking did you succeed, and he fail, because of the hidden hand of destiny, Darwinian necessity and artistic merit, or has the whole of your and his career been the most monstrous fluke?

BA: I thought long and hard about whether to involve Loz in any of this, and there is a part of me that felt bad about it, and so I tried to be sensitive in how I talked about him, as I have warmth for him and always really liked him. But I had to include him. We were thrown together by the Melody Maker’s “dog shit and diamonds” piece, a gladiatorial contest they set up where we were used as symbols for different musical and aesthetic tendencies, and there was no way for me to explore the questions I wanted to if I ignored that. The fact is Kingmaker did not go onto achieve success, but I hope I didn’t trample on them when I refer back to that point where we found ourselves in the same place. I genuinely wanted to work out whether things happened for us in the only way they could have, and if you can judge your own worth on the basis of success, as the ultimate criteria, or if it is all down to chance in the end.

You go on to say that the neglect of great art makes you wonder whether it is all chance, however much it might suit you not to think so…

BA: Exactly, look at Echo And The Bunnymen for fuck’s sake! They’ve made amazing music but why aren’t they then given the prestige they deserve, whereas so many of their less talented contemporaries fill up stadiums at the drop of hat? How can you resolve it? It’s unresolvable! But I think you need to believe in destiny wholeheartedly to make it at anything, and it is easy to when everything is going right, you know “my success is my destined birthright!’, but then how can you have any framework or belief system left if you embrace destiny and then fuck up? You’d be complicit in your own fall. Even then though, you can make failure work for you, and realise the fuck-ups were necessary too, and that you learn from them and they therefore feed your future successes, so you’re kind of led back into destiny again. The thing is if you are happy with where you have got to in life, and looking at things from a place of satisfaction, then you literally can’t really regret anything, as the fuck ups are part of the journey that led you to where you are, and are as easily as important as the successes.

Photograph courtesy of Phillip Williams

You make a number of complimentary references to the old music press in the book, even when they turned on you, which is rare for a musician…

BA: God yeah, we’re culturally less well off for their folding, don’t you think so? That whole Punch And Judy journalism and playground tribalism produced so many great bands and so much great discussion no matter how ugly it got. Those papers were like a music factory. A lot of modern music writing, with some very obvious exceptions that I love, is too dry and balanced. Growing up to a point where you can’t be violently partial means you lose something of the enthusiasm and passion that draws you to music. Music writing needs to be a little bit impetuous because music is impetuous. It’s easy to think it was all divisive and unnecessarily nasty, but it needed to be, that was its job, which encouraged it to issue challenges and be creative in its own right too. Which was great, providing they were saying nice things about us!

How has the creative process changed for you now that you are no longer committed to releasing album after album in quick succession, a process you say that led to the creation of some inferior work; does that easing of pressure and allowing of material to gestate compensate for what is lost, which is that in the old days you didn’t know what was going to happen next, and that every new record might yet change your lives with as yet unimagined success?

BA: There’s a trade off. The eventual realisation that you are not part of the mainstream anymore, as we clearly no longer are, does give you the freedom go to interesting places you could not always have gone to before. For me now the concept of a record has to be very strong to act on it, and I won’t start writing simply because it is time to release a record again. For example, the material and ideas I thought would be perfect for A New Morning, were actually followed through on and became The Blue Hour sixteen years later. Trying to carry them into the songs I was writing at the time, and make a record about the darkness of the countryside when you want your songs to be rotated on Radio One, was never going to happen. And that’s one of the beauties and consolations of being set adrift from the mainstream, which is that you really don’t need to worry anymore about a particular kind of career path anymore. We’re never going to latch back onto the mainstream again, I know that, because we could make the greatest record we’ve ever made, or has ever been made, and we would still never be on Radio One again. And I’m fine with that now. I am a 52-year-old man, do you know what I mean? Age has got to give you something, because otherwise there is a part of you that might never get over what it has to teach you.

You plot your changing relationship with your fans from a high of believing you were in it together, to the low of seeing graffiti left on your street with directions to your house and a request to kill your cat. The lesson that fans live for you when they should be living for themselves, and that you should be living for yourself and not them, seems hard earned on both sides, particularly as you write about how much you owe them for putting you where you wanted to be in the first place.

BA: It’s a fascinating process with fans, you were there in the early days, and you know that insane dynamic where the fans are still part of the experience. We used to hang out with you guys and it was like being with your mates where you share the same passions and interests, but then you get to that point in a band where the doors come down, and there is a separation where you find yourself either being mobbed by people or sitting on your own in an empty dressing room with no in-between. Life becomes polarised between these two extremes, and it is unavoidable because it is built into success, and so to some extent, is no more than what you wanted and signed up for, but there is that lovely point when you first start when the people who follow you aren’t an abstract, “the audience”, but friends, and there is something special about those days I wanted to capture in the book. Because those days were really important, one of those lovely periods you can never have back or go back to again.

After that you become public property, where you have an image you keep up to avoid disappointing people, and where everything you say is taken at face value. Like the story you mention in the book where I forget that I asked a couple of fans to come back to my house in two days time, only to be polite, then completely forgot about it, and ended up instigating a campaign of abuse against myself…

I understand the danger of taking rock stars at their word. In early 95 I bumped into you at the Severn Bridge Services and you told me that I should join you in Watford in a week, where you would meet me outside the venue and let me into a gig!

BA: Oh no, you’re joking…what an invitation! My God, and did I do it?

I would love to have said you did! I still got in, so no hard feelings.

BA: I’m so sorry! What you’ve got to understand is that in a band when you meet someone at the services you always want to leave the conversation on a high note, to contrast with the surroundings, hence the Watford Colosseum! I just hoped that you wouldn’t believe me and would realise that in the end it was all just…words!

Afternoons With The Blinds Drawn is out now via Little Brown

#suede #brett anderson #press #interview #the quietus #2019 #afternoons with the blinds drawn

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daggerzine · 5 years

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Tony Potts of The Monochrome Set gives us the details! (interview by Steve Michener)

I started writing a weekly post on Facebook about two years ago, wherein I would pick a song from the extensive catalog of The Monochrome Set and write a few words, trying to hep people to their fantastic music. It became a fun, online conversation with friends and fans and the band would sometimes join in, adding to the story or correcting my (frequent) historical errors. I was presenting myself as a TMS scholar when I was really just a doofus with a love for the music. The FB feature eventually led to my volunteering to drive the band on the West Coast swing of their recent US tour, which was a total blast.

Recently, I came up with the idea of interviewing various members of the band and when I initially hit upon this plan, the first person I thought of was Tony Potts, their early ‘5th member.' Tony added another dimension to the band’s early shows by projecting films onto screens (and sometimes the band), helping to differentiate the band in the crowded post-punk music scene of the late 70s/early 80s England. I never personally saw any early TMS shows so I missed out on his contributions until last year when I attended the TMS 40th anniversary shows in London and got to experience his visuals along with the music (albeit from a laptop now instead of a Super 8 film). I’ve always been intrigued by his role with the group and he was nice enough to answer some of my email questions about the early days of the band, his art, and, of course, his favorite TMS song. Tony’s Facebook page is one of the most entertaining around; he doesn’t hold back much, whether it’s about his cancer diagnosis, politics, or the state of the Great Western Railroad. TMSF and now Dagger Zine present the Weird, Wild and Wonderful World of Tony Potts!

That’s Tony far right

Q: How did you come to be involved with the Monochrome Set? What drew you to them and them to you?

Ah, now there are two answers to this question. The first is terse and accurate, although less interesting than the second. Well, I knew John, J.D. Haney. That's the terse answer. However, in the interests of interest, and name-dropping, we have to travel back to about 1974. The story illustrates I think, how our lives are built upon great swaths of happenstance.

While studying on my pre-degree arts foundation I became close friends with Edwin, later Savage Pencil, who later still formed The Art Attacks. After some itinerant drummers, including Ricky Slaughter of The Motors, and Robert Gotobed of Wire, JD became the Art Attacks drummer. Now, Edwin didn't know him, so I can only guess, at this great distance, that I put his name forward. But again, we must spool back in time. How did I know John? After Edwin left for London, and still at my provincial art school, I became good friends with two fellow student artists like myself, Andy Palmer and Joy Haney. They both became founder members of Crass, under the names N A Palmer and Joy De Vivre, and are now exceptionally good fine artists.

It was through my friendship with Joy that I meet her brother, the aforementioned JD, when he came down from university in the summer of '76. We hung out with his college chum, Jean-Marie Carroll, later to join The Members, and discussed narrow neckties and casual trousers. Then Joy, Andy, and I went off to the Greek islands for the summer, before returning to London to take up our degree course at Chelsea School of Art.

Thus it was, with us all now in London, that I believe I introduced JD to The Art Attacks, with whom I worked until their demise, at which point JD took up with TMS. Due to mutual creative interests in art, I was invited to display my films at their gigs. That was late '78, with my first gig with the band being at Acklam Hall, Notting Hill, on 22nd February 1979. Thereafter we fell together and I started to make films specifically for the live shows. It’s worth pointing out that the TMS was not formed in an art school, or by art students. It is lazy journalism that perpetuates the Art School band epithet. Both Bid, the main song writing power behind the longevity of the band, and the other key lyricist, JD Haney, have never been anywhere near an art school.

Q: What were your films like? Who were your art-school influences at the time? What were you doing with the Art Attacks?

I was studying fine art painting, and painting was my main interest. Although I loved films, I never expected to move in that direction. As a painter, I was a devotee of the Russian Constructivists like Tatlin, but mostly the geometric forms of El Lissitzky, and the Suprematist Kazimir Malevich - best known for Black Square and White On White. My paintings were an amalgam of geometric forms in the vein of Lissitzky on grounds inspired by Malevich's painterly surfaces. With the rise of the Punk movement in London, I somewhat changed direction, moving into filmmaking that had a quasi-narrative style, intended to be more emotional and poetic. Although driven by what was happening in music during ‘76/'77/'78, ironically, my films couldn't be any less punk if I tried. Well, not to punks anyway. These days I regret that I never resuscitated my painting practice.

At the time of the Acklam Hall gig, I had made one large scale Super8, and two 16mm works. I think it must have been 'Strange Meeting', which in part was about aliens and The Red Army Faction murders, which we showed at that gig, but as a support. I had previously made some other 8mm films, and I might have used them during the band, but I can't recall. However, I now have vague memories of projecting B & W film over the whole stage and band. With The Art Attacks, I didn't have a creative role, I just supported the band in rehearsal and at gigs with Paul Humphries their manager, and the initial manager of TMS. Paul, JD and I all shared the same squat in Brailsford Road, Brixton. So, with TMS I had something more creative to do.

Q: For those of us who weren't able to see those shows, describe for us what you were doing with the films during the shows. How were the films received by the audience?

As I said, initially I used the films that I had made in another context, and they were added to the performance to create an overall ambiance, a statement of presentation that was not about a band energetically leaping about on stage, as was the order of the day. Soon I started to make Super8 material specifically for TMS performances. This included the scratched and bleached footage for 'Lester Leaps In', or images filmed on the road, like the Berlin footage used for ‘Viva Death Row’, or staged material of the band getting up to also sorts of antics, like the beach ball larks and bits of animations I would make with no specific aim. In the early days, I made two roller blind screens in long boxes, [we took them on the first two US tours] with one on either side of the stage as space allowed, with film projected onto them so the band members were often in silhouette, although it bled onto them also. The stage was very dark, lit by blue footlights, which I made. I think Mark Perry of Sniffing Glue/Alternative TV said something like it was the most brilliantly depressing thing he had seen. That was always the irony at that time, the music was pert and poppy and uplifting, but the show wasn't. What a laugh, we all thought.

The shows became increasingly more elaborate with more screens, more projectors and a theatrical lighting rig. At this time we were using Ground Control, Bowie's original PA, run by a lovely guy called Robin Mayhew. Using the theatre lights allowed me to focus and shape controlled beams of light exactly where I wanted them. For example, I could just illuminate Bid's face or other small areas with geometric shapes, while leaving the stage largely unlit. Then the film screens could glow and flicker in the dark. The lads tended not to move a great deal. A tradition assiduously upheld by Mr. Warren.

As to reception, well some people liked it, and others couldn't see the point. I think it mostly worked as a spectacle, an integrated whole, a total experience, but for those just into the music, it was probably irrelevant. I mean, they are a great band, so nobody missed me when I didn't set up, like at the M80. That stage was toooo big, man.

Bid and Tony

Q; As the 'Fifth Member' whose focus seemed to have been on the live performances, how did you fit in with the band in the recording studio?

Yes, my key role was the live performance; anything else was a bonus for me. I was at all recordings from the second Rough Trade single to the end of the second album, as an enthusiastic supporter and admirer. Of course, I chipped in with the odd suggestion or noise and was probably ignored where and when necessary. Being musically incompetent, my timing is off by a good margin so I'm not sure my handclaps ever made a final mix. You can hear me on TWWWWofTP. I've got quite a pleasant singing voice, also, just not in public. Bid once marked out the chord changes for Ici Les Enfants on a plastic organ I had, to fill out the live sound, but after the first chord change, I was lost and bewildered.

Q: You've done promotional videos for the band. Can you talk about a few of those projects? Do you have a favorite video?

The first promotional film I made was the one for Dindisc, and called Strange Boutique, not after the title of the first album as many think, but coincidentally, after the name of a pair of corduroy trousers! Actually, that may not be true. So, this was conceived as a short film, with two songs and a Rod Serling type piece to camera as a linking devise. Done on the very cheap. Unfortunately, there were syncing issues with some of the dialogue and the master got damaged, scratched, and I'm not sure if I still have the original film, or not. It's on our DVD as a complete piece as far as I remember, but it turns up on YouTube, usually cut down to either of the two songs LSD and Strange Boutique, without all the linking material.

We then waited a long time until I was commissioned by WEA to make the promo for 'Jacob's Ladder' with the release of 'The Lost Weekend' album. The deal was negotiated from a public phone box on Clapham Common tube station. It was somewhat compromised by cock-ups at WEA which meant I was forced to hand it over before it was fully edited to my satisfaction. I seem to have made a style out of technical imperfections; at least that's what I'm saying. At the time Top of the Pops had a video preview section, and a short clip of Jacob's Ladder was shown. That’s primetime TV, folks!

And then, of course, I was delighted when Bid asked me to make the official MaisieWorld video for ‘I Feel Fine’, which I was very pleased with. All these projects were very personal to me, not just the execution of a job, and the first two were part of my life at the time of making.

Q. The only footage I've seen of you actually playing with the band is the Old Grey Whistle Test TV spot. Was it common for you to join the band onstage?

Well, I was usually visible on stage, controlling the projectors, which needed constant manipulation, like a DJ scratching, changing speed and switching images, fading and mixing. Also, there might be some little set piece we had devised, which required me to do something. At one point, during the Ground Control days, I remember I had my own mic so I could interact with the stage, which didn't last that long. So, to some extent, I always had a relationship with the stage as both performer and technician. Once, when Lester Square had had enough, I did perform the encore, He's Frank, by incessantly plucking one string of his guitar. Pretty good, actually! Music and Maths very similar to my mind, no sooner do I believe that I have mastered the execution of some small calculation, but I soon discover that I haven't.

Don’t shake the ladder, Tony gettin’ down to work.

Q: Tell us about your film education and your career in film and video outside the band.

I made a living of sorts working commercially in film and video production, and teaching, but as I mentioned before, I actually trained in fine art. My art foundation took a very academic approach and involved copious hours of life drawing and other drawing classes, while being given time to develop one's own particular discipline and style.

I made one Super8 film based on geometric elements in my painting. I had made three other 8mm film before this. It wasn't until I was on my degree course that I started making more moving image work, but this stemmed from a fine art perspective, so I didn't ever have any film school type training. My own work I would categorise as poetic experimentalism, that is under the general umbrella of artist film and video. Just a reminder that you can catch up with lots more detail of everything I've said at my website, http://tonypottsloopform.altervista.org. Although it has all the history of the films and staging, as well as the making of Jacob's Ladder, it's rather old and not up-to-date. That site includes all the art projects I've worked on, the history of TMS film, and my own films. My creative life can be divided into three separate but overlapping strands. The first being, my personal practice as an artist/film maker, the second, my skills and knowledge deployed in the service of collective artworks and community arts projects, and those same skills employed commercially in film and video production and teaching.

Q: It's obvious from FB that you are a big film fan. Who are some of your favorite directors/favorite movies?

With a few exceptions, I'm not much interested in modern Hollywood, old Hollywood is better, and pre-Hays better still. My film tastes are somewhat esoteric for most folks. I prefer silent film, particularly that of the classic German period of the twenties, Lang, Murnau, Pabst, Dreyer. Then in the sixties, PP Pasolini, Robert Bresson, Akira Kurosawa, soviet era Tarkosky and Parajhanov, plus a host of even less well know eastern European directors like Miklos Jancso, Jan Nemec, or Frantisek Vlacil. Don't you wish you'd never asked?

Q. You live in Wales, pretty far away from the London of your youth. How did you end up there and what appeals to you living there?

Well, we split our time between London and Pembrokeshire at present, while my wife Rachael is still working. In a few years, we'll move out completely, I think. I can't relax in the city anymore. I need some more space to feel comfortable. I've had as much London as I can handle. Rachael is Welsh, although Pembrokeshire is known as little England beyond Wales, and we are fortunate to own her childhood home there.

Q. You were recently diagnosed with cancer and posted your experience on Facebook. How did you discover that you had cancer and how are you doing now?

Yes, that was unfortunate. The prostate gets larger as us men grow older and so puts a bit of pressure on the bladder, changing the way you take a pee, like urgency and frequency. So any chap of a certain age should cut along to a doctor if they have persistent symptoms of this type. Our neighbour in Wales insists on calling it prostrate cancer, but I refuse to take that lying down, and firmly pronounce it prostate, but to no avail. But seriously, although it's a slow-growing cancer, the sooner you act, the sooner you can get the appropriate treatment. I had to have surgery, but it's not necessary for everyone. As my cousin, who luck would have it is a cancer specialist said, do you want to be erect or dead? Haha, what a great choice!

Q: Since this is a TMSF, after all, can you pick a favorite song and say a few words about it?

My choice of song to end this pleasant excursion is 'The Devil Rides Out', from the 'Eligible Bachelors' album. By the time of recording this record JD had left the band and was living in NY, and I was also spending a great deal of time in that city also. I was still contributing to the occasional gig or short tour, but I certainly wasn't around when this album was recorded. Christ, what do you expect for a record made in Luton?

So it is the live performances of this song that I recall, since it was in the repertoire well ahead of it being recorded. Although I could say it of many other songs, the open chords of 'The Devil Rides Out' always gave me a buzz as I waited to play in whatever the film images were [I can't remember]. Even if the audience or critics found the films superfluous or unimportant, I usually enjoyed watching the way that a set of otherwise unrelated images somehow meshed and synchronised with the music and gave the illusion of a premeditated vision. Of course, it was premeditated in as much as I knew what pieces of film would be used for a particular song, but beyond that, there was a lot of slack in the system. With the various parameters of the live installation, having to follow the cue of the band and the hand manipulating the projectors [no computers], there were great possibilities that the extemporisation would result in entirely unique sets of images and sound on each occasion.

Well, I should say something about why I like the song. It's one of a number of Bid's more esoteric lyrical compositions. He had previously pushed the Latin boat out with Adeste Fideles [not everyone's favourite song title to pronounce], and my spell checker isn't too keen on the words, either. In this case, the bridging line is rendered in Latin, but with the exception of the 'Hails', this is written in the ancient language of Sanskrit. Or at least that is my understanding and belief. Whatever the lyrical origins are, this is a classic TMS arrangement, altogether thrilling, incomprehensible and mysterious, yet totally pop, totally accessible and it dumps from a very great height those chart-topping household names who have followed in their wake.

And of course, I can never resist a song that features a sleigh bell, The Devil Rides Out and The Stooges 'I Wanna Be Your Dog' being the two finest examples.

http://tonypottsloopform.altervista.org

www.themonochromeset.co.uk

www.tapeterecords.de

www.facebook.com/themonochromeset

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munchflix · 6 years

Text

WATCHMEN - THE SUPER EXTENDED CUT

IMDB BLURB: In 1985 where former superheroes exist, the murder of a colleague sends active vigilante Rorschach into his own sprawling investigation, uncovering something that could completely change the course of history as we know it.

WARNINGS: Giant blue peen, large bepis. It's blue. Malin Ackerman can't act for shit. Attempted rape. Lots of murder. Some gore. Adult themes? Zack Snyder. Repulsive sex scene. It's not gross, it's just weird and uncomfortable. And unnecessarily long.

RATING: Who watches the Watchmen? Us...unfortunately.

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this. And please please don’t watch this fucking movie.

MUNCH: I want you to know, first thing, that I will never forgive you for making me watch this for a THIRD TIME. I first saw this in the theatre on my birthday and it was awful then. I spent three hours waiting for it to get better and it didn't and now you're making us watch the super extended version with 30 more minutes of shit I DON'T WANT TO SEE. I am old and I was a fan of the comic long before this detritus was filmed. I was actually excited for this shit. This movie, like a lot of the movies we review once a year, is bad. It's pretty, it's well filmed, it has a brilliant cast, and it sucks like a Dyson trying to fellate a rubber chicken.

BISCUITS: Okay...I'm gonna be upfront about this. We're gonna have to be here for each other during this review. We need to BELIEVE in ourselves, and to share our mental fortitude. That might be the only way we'll be strong enough to make it through. Even then, there's no guarantee we'll make it...but if we do, we'll emerge from the other side as changed women, now knowing the true power that the bond of friendship can hold. Or not. Actually, we'll probably just end up sad. But the point is, we need to be here for each other.

M: The Nixon makeup is so bad. All this budget and he looks like a half melted wax statue.

These are the Nixons, folks.

B: Jeffrey Dean Morgan in old age makeup? I'd still smash that. The DOOMSDAY CLOCK! That's a reference to the comic! Get it?! We're JUST like the comic!

M: That's part of what bugs me, there's so many moments just taken straight out of the comic and then the rest of it is just Zack Snyder mentally masturbating about how cool he is.

B: Let me tell you younguns - long before the days of Suicide Squad and Batman V. Superman, Zack Snyder created the first of many tragic mistakes in the saga of "DC and Warner Bros. Attempt to Movie". It was dark, overdramatic, and had little substance behind its superficially good visuals. But Warner Bros. were all like "OMG Zach, look at all this money. Can you fuck ALL our beloved properties like this???"

M: Nostaaaaaalgia.

B: Okay, Unforgettable - this song was in the comic, it was in the book. It was playing in a scene in the comic but it was when Dan and Laurie tried to have sex for the first time. I don't understand the rationale behind using a song from the comic but putting it in a completely different scene. Why did you make that change? I don't understand why you would do that.

M: Watchmen in a nutshell. JESUS CHRIST I forgot that the explosions come in about 30 times louder than everything else.

B: Why is the Comedian wearing a smiley face pin on his bathrobe? Because of the symbolism??? Nostalgia. This is from the coooooooooomic. This is the first instance of inappropriate soundtracking, which is alright the first time but gets annoying when you do it over and over.

M: I have no idea. Oh yeah..the movie. The Comedian is fighting a mysterious figure that we'll figure out who it is later. Unless you've read the comic. It's Veidt. Slow zoom on the pin with the blood spatter because it's SYMBOLISM. Also the Comedian got thrown out a window. There's also been half an hour of slow mo and we're only 5 minutes into the movie.

B: *burps loudly* Bob Dylan, because there was a reference to a Bob Dylan song in the comic. Slow shots of our great heroes, The Minutemen. Zacc Snyder, fuck you. These were the original super hero dudes who spawned the existence of all the other masked vigilantes in this universe.

M: Gerard Butler??? Who the fuck is Gerard Butler?? Hang on, I have to look this up. Oh...he's in the Tales of the Black Freighter, which is only in this super-long ultra-extended edition.

This gif makes it look like Gerard Butler is playing Sally Jupiter. This is not the case (unfortunately?).

B: Which we're watching because we hate ourselves. Historical landmarks to set up the time period. Also Silhouette was a lesbian. Dollar Bill got killed when his cape got stuck in a revolving door. NO CAPES! Mothman went nuts and got put in an asylum. The minutemen turned out fine. Also Silhouette is dead. And Gay.

M: Bury your gays. She was only alive for two minutes of credits.

B: To be fair, she didn’t really have a role in the book either. Also, Kennedy is killed. By the Comedian. Which I suppose was implied in the comic...very vaguely. This is way too much exposition. We can read about history, we don't need a recap of every single event since 1940. We aren't that dumb, Zakk. There's more politics in this intro than exposition but Watchmen was supposed to be political. I have big problems with Matthew Goode....goode? How is that pronounced? Look at all that BEEF tho. Arby’s, I got ya new commercial right here.

I’ll take the one on the far left with cheese, please.

M: Slow the fuck down, jesus. I can't type as fast as you thirst. I'm gonna make you type this if you don't slow down.

B: Glad I'm not wearing a retainer. You think Jeffrey Dean Morgan would pay for it? Also Night Owl's costume looks so shitty.

M: Seriously, slow down. I have issues with how contoured Manhattan is.

B: And then everything went bad for the vigilantes and they got banned. This is SO LOUD. Tell Zaque Snyder I get spooked easily. I don’t like loud noises, I’m like a wild animal.

M: Oh yeah so the Comedian is dead. Two detectives wonder how he died. So mysterious. It was Veidt. Don't blame me if you didn't read the comic, it's been out for 30 fucking years.

B: My other issue with this movie, it doesn't ADD anything to it's source material. If I wanted just Watchmen I'd just read the comic. I could read most or all of it in the time it takes to watch this movie. So...Rorschach is ranting.

M: That's all he really does in this movie tho is rant.

B: All the towns in the world and I had to end up in this one. The ballsack town. Comedian kept a picture of Sally by his bed but that's backwards...she kept a picture of HIM on her bedside.

M: Rorschach found Comedian's secret closet where he went to be gay. Or a superhero. Or both. So he knows he's the Comedian.

B: Well, one or two of them were gay...a bunch of guys who wear their underwear outside their pants and this is somehow surprising? More slow mo.

M: This movie could be an hour and half shorter without all the pointless slo mo. Hollis is being played by Stephen McHattie and I love him so much.

B: Patrick Wilson (you can tell it’s Patrick Wilson because he looks exactly like Patrick Wilson) is playing Night Owl and he is a very good boy. The best boy. Although he doesn't have much competition for goodest boy, most of the boys are pretty bad. Hollis Mason is played up to be more Drunk Grandpa than caring mentor figure. Raw footage of Rorschach looking like FUCKING BIGFOOT. Your local cryptid.

*X-Files theme plays*

M: That was 20 seconds of super important extra footage that we missed from the original 3 hour long movie. Okay so movie, right. Drieberg goes home to find his home has been broken into. It's Rorschach. Eating beans. HUMAN BEANS. With HUMAN BEAN JUICE. We saw you lumbering around like Bigfoot on the news. Rorschach's mask is cool tho. One point for you, Zackk Snyder.

B: Rorschach, because he's a tinfoil hat conspiracy theorist is like " I think someone's killing masks" even tho only one mask person has died so far. Patrick Wilson is a good actor but his performance in this movie is so blech. I dunno if that was the direction he was given or...

M: Part two of things wrong with Watchmen. Lots of good actors giving boring performances. I love many of these actors but they're so dull.

B: Except Malin Ackerman. It was an experimental time, Chad! All of our Bro Moments. Our BROMENTS.

M: WHY CAN'T I QUIT YOU, CHAD?!

B: Maybe Drieberg quit on account of the Keene act because it started being illegal to do the thing, but Rorschach didn't because he’s crazy. And he's doing more edgelord monologuing.

M: Holy crap the animation.

B: And now with NO CONTEXT we get launched into the Tales of the Black Freighter. It's an anime, apparently. (makes angry angry noises ) this makes me SO mad because the Black Freighter, though a story within a story, had an explanation for its presence. It's being read by someone within the bigger story. In the movie it almost looks like it was animated by Ralph Bakshi. Like the people who did Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and Ralph Bakshi had a bad trip together.

This is what I see, every night in my dreams.

M: I guess this is being narrated by Gerard Butler?? This is so out of place. It takes you completely out of the immersion of the movie to show you this movie. That was super jarring though.

B: The comic had a lot more leeway when it came to blending the stories together. Oh and now we get a shot of someone reading the comic to bring us back. Rorschach in the comic was described as being fascinatingly ugly. I think Jackie Earl Haley is too good looking.

M: And Veidt. I hate everything they did with this entire fucking character. I hate the way he looks, the way he talks, the way he acts, the way he Veidts. I fucking hate him so much. I hate what they did with his story and the whole Manhattan cancer thing. It's DUMB.

B: Why is Dan here? It was Rorschach who warned Adrian. And they're talking about nuclear war, very important to the crux of everything. This lighting is ugly. It makes Veidt look like a greasy boy.

M: He IS a greasy boy.

B: Meeting with Dreiberg left bad taste in mouth. Like cold beans.

M: Rorschach is expositioning everything we've already seen, dialogue straight out of the comic.

B: Rorschach breaks in to see Manhattan. Rorschach asks the real questions: Does Adrian Veidt is gay??

M: That is a HUGE ASS. Btw Manhattan is naked. He is super naked. You will never be allowed to forget that he is naked.

B: Malin Ackerman shows up...to “act”.... The mention temporal interference already, so you won't be surprised at the end of the movie. They really overemphasize Manhattan's eye things. He looks like a sad panda. I have issues with his CGI, he is really over contoured and he looks really...weird....Laurie...stop talking. PLease. Don't act, don't try to act.

Pictured: Sad Panda

M: Now he's taking Laurie on some fucking weird time trip that was supposed to happen three hours from now in the story. Manhattan is just sad in this movie. All his rage and his indifference are gone. He's just sad. He tells her the future and he's sad about it. And now, 99 Luftballoons so we don't forget it's the 80's.

B: This wasn't how this happened in the comic EITHER. Zacque Snyder and his love of throwing random songs into movies with no regard for how they might impact the mood.

M: So Lori is having dinner with Dreiberg just like Jon told her too. I'm giving up on spelling any names right as of right now.

B: They reminisce about their young days when they fought crime and dressed up like lunatics and all that stuff. Ah those days are behind us. We're in our 40's but in the movie we're like 25. Jon thinks there's gonna be nuclear war and also he can't fix my bad acting. They turned Laurie into such a sexy lamp in this movie. They strip everything away from her that made her interesting. I am laurie, I am GIRL. Who needs oxygen when you have another man's money.

You so. Fuckin. Precious. When you. Smile.

M: The Sound of Silence begins playing. We both laugh and denounce Zaeck Snyder and the horse he rode in on.

B: Should have been Take me to Church. I didn't realize how awful the soundtracking was in this movie the first time. They just throw in recognizable songs.

M: Comedian is getting buried. Rorschach is here and Manhattan and Dreiberg. And Simon and Garfunkle. It's not making this scene better. It's making it so much worse. Lori has been randomly teleported to her mothers with zero context. Her mother is Carla Gugino who deserves better than being in this fucking movie. They quote dialogue right from the comic. Did Zaquery Snyder write ANY dialogue for this movie? Her old age makeup is fucking awful and she is overacting this so hard.

B: And then we have the flashback to old days where the Comedian tries to rape her. The entire purpose of this flashback in one sentence. That's the plot point. From the comic. That we need to get into the movie somehow. I suppose they're going for show don't tell. At the moment i'm just focused on how it extends this torturous experience.

M: I have a lot of issues with this part. He beats her far more severely in the movie. They start the scene almost making it look like she did ask for it with all the slow undressing. It's so fucking unnecessary.

B: And then Hooded Justice comes in and this doesn't make sense in the movie when Comedian asks him if he gets off on this. But since they don't get into this in the movie...I think they're just trying to get us to go OH THE COMEDIAN IS A BAD GUY, HE'S SUCH A BAD GUY. We can get that. Why does everything in this movie take so long?

M: Everyone is having flashbacks to their time with Eddie. Manhattan is blowing up the entirety of the viet cong while the Comedian shoots people and Ride of the Valkyries is playing for no reason.

In awe at the size of this lad.

B: NEXT TIME YOU INVITE JON.

M: And then we get the Comedian is a horrible person but AGAIN because he's gonna shoot this woman he knocked up and Jon doesn't stop him. Jon is so fucking ripped that even fuzzed out in the background you can see every muscle.

B: They tell the story of how Eddie got his scar even though he doesn't...have it in the movie? Yeah I killed that woman I knocked up but you didn't stop me because you don't care and well...you're not wrong.

M: And now Veidt gets to have HIS flashback so we can be sure that the Comedian really was an asshole. The Comedian informs everyone that their plan is garb while Jon and Laurel Ann make goo goo eyes at each other which will become relevant an hour ago because they're obviously a couple NOW. He sets Ozymandias’ (Veidt's) map on fire to emphasize his point.

B: Ozymandias will remember that. Watchmen would make a great Telltale game. And Dan has his American Dream flashback where the Comedian is helping with crowd control and we don't care what's going on because the Comedian looks DAMN HOT. In slow mo.

M: Biscuit's thirst meter has increased tenfold.

B: What happened to the American Dream? You're looking at it. Just as beefy and greasy as I imagined it. He had a really nice arm vein going on in that scene. I have a gif of that for uh...research purposes. Very swole.

Pictured: The American Dream

M: I just realized that I don't really thirst after anyone in this movie. The comedian is hot because Jeffrey Dean Morgan but my thirst level is so low comparatively. The only main chick is Malin Ackerman and uh...no.

B: You're getting gayer the older you get.

M: I can't even deny that.

B: Moloch! He's a former supervillian of sorts and Rorschach is chasing him down because uh...I don't know. He just shows up and is like Hey fuck you buddy.

M: I still want an explanation for why Moloch alone has pointed ears. Nobody else in the entire movie has that kind of deformity.

B: And he's like The Comedian just showed up in my house! He was drunk and crying! We've all been there. We've all broken into our former nemesis's house drunk and crying. Maybe that's just me...

M: Except that's what really happened....

B: And the Comedian is like - I did some fucked up shit but this is worse! The shit this unnamed bad guy is doing worse! And he says that Moloch and Manhattan’s old girlfriend are on some mysterious list!

M: It's Veidt. Rorschach tries to nail Moloch for taking a medication made from apricot pits. Which are POISONOUS BTW, DO NOT EAT THEM. Rorschach spends fucking ten more minutes slow mo fucking monologuing about shit we already know and JUST SAW. There's so much extra shit in this movie that does not need to be here. He sounds like fucking Wolverine. Is that Hollis?

B: I can't even tell because this movie is SO DARK. We get a feeble attempt to connect newspaper man and the animated comic.

M: At least it's less jarring. Comic man drools excessively for no reason. They're even leaving bits of THIS story out and making it even weirder and more disparate than it needs to be. Fucking why.

The nightmares, they never stop.

M: Okay Jesus they went from that straight to Loorie and Jon trying to have sexxors and this is so wrong and out of place. And then Jon is six people.

B: god. jon. stop. what are u doing? I took a theatre class in high school and all those kids were better actors than Malin Ackerman. Which is bad because Laurie is an integral character in Watchmen. This happened way earlier and this is why she ran away to Dan in the comic, but it's fine. It's fine. Whatever. I don't care. She gets mad but not really because acting.

M: Jon underacts but that's his entire thing. This is so disjointed. Jon is teleporting reactors to Karnak while they argue. This will be relevant later.

B: Three bepis, no FOUR! Too much bepis for my needs. Or not enough...

M: Jesus Christ.

B: And NOW laurie shows up at dan's place. We needed to drag this out because we were REALLY stretching to get this movie to feature length, y’know?? We were really scraping at the bottom of the Watchmen barrel for content. There's just not enough material to get a good long juicy film out of it.

M: Can we just skip this whole part? I'll summarize. Laurie and Dan spend half an hour whining at each other because Laurie and Jon had a fight and they kinda wanna bang but that will take three hours to get to as well for no good goddamn reason. Meanwhile Jon is putting on a suit to do a tv interview.

B: There's a lot of scenes of Dan and Laurie but there's no chemistry at all between them and there's no buildup to their actual relationship. Even Dan is so nothing in this movie and I liked him. And there's an article from the comic because this is JUST LIKE THE COMIC.

M: Why are they...oh they're going to Hollis...but this isn't how it happened. They literally make this longer for no reason.

B: I know it would be really hard to cut anything from Watchmen, because pretty much everything is significant - there's no material that can really be removed that wouldn’t be missed in the final product. BUUUT they just added a whole ton of meaningless shit to this damn movie! At the expense of scenes we actually wanted! Dr Manhattan has his tv interview. This is not gonna go well. Everyone is like wtf are you talking about Jon. Dan and Lori beat up a bunch of thugs because uh...they're living for thrills?

M: Some reporter dude stands up and starts shit with Manhattan. He accuses him of giving everyone cancer. I'm sorry I caused all that cancer. You'd think Jon would KNOW whether or not he caused cancer...he was a fucking physicist.

B: Jon doesn't know whether or not he's radioactive. Spoiler alert: he ain't. He's just had his intrinsic fields removed - really simple procedure, like taking out the appendix.

M: *cronches pizza rolls*

B: A lot less screen time for Janey Slater in the movie, too. She's like "PRETTY PATTIES TURNED MY FACE PURPLE!!!" and then Doc Manhattan teleports everyone out of the studio because he's very emotional rn. That makes...one person in this movie with intense emotions.

M: You're right there...nobody in this movie really shows much in the way of emotion. Everyone's just sorta like "well, the world's going to shit - huh." I REALLY don't like the way they incorporated Tales of the Black Freighter into this movie.

B: Idec what's happening in this stupid anime. Man wants to get home before the freighter. Builds raft out of bloated corpses. Freaky eyes. It's supposed to parallel various elements of the 'real world' storylines but it's so jarring that drawing those connections becomes nigh on impossible. In the comic, panels from TotBF were often right alongside panels from the main story, but you couldn't really do something like that in a movie. They also still don't really do anything with the newspaper corner bits.

M: Did they actually show Dr. Manhattan leaving Earth?

B: No. Not yet.

M: So they just throw us into this scenario?

B: Yep. Dr. Manhattan got ANGERY and was like "y'know what? I'm going to Mars to deliver some exposition!! Way later than this happened in the comic, but who gives a flying fuck??" And we sorta get the explanation of the way Jon perceives time - but again, much less effective than it was in the comic. Everything in this movie is so DARK. 'Dark and gritty' doesn't usually refer to the visuals of a story.

M: Jon got stuck in an experimental machine where they were doing SCIENCE. He got disintegrated.

B: Just look at the SYMBOLISM...I mean, uh, the time. Jon's narration sounds like ASMR. He eventually manages to reassemble himself, but now he's blue....and nAkEd.

M: This giant naked blue dude shows up and Janey is just like "Jon?? Is that you??"

B: Jon is super-powerful, so the govt lords him as a weapon and uses him to help end the Vietnam war, and a lot of references to nuclear power.

M: I know his symbol is supposed to be a hydrogen atom, but it kinda looks like the power button on an Xbox.

Particle man, particle man...

B: This movie feels significantly gorier than the comic...which is not necessary. Janey is worried about how powerful Jon is - or she just wants him to put some fuckin' pants on.

M: Speaking of things that take you out of the movie - Jon's ENTIRE backstory in one flashback. Worked in the comic, not in the movie.

B: Jon macks on a 16 year old girl and is like - why is this a problem? My girlfriend is getting old, I gotta get a new one. Also I'm tired of earth. Going to mars.

M: We literally zoom out from Jon's ass crack.

B: There is no reason to put a physical or cgi camera that close to anyone's ass crack.

M: Jon has fucked off and now they're interrogating Laurie about where he went. She randomly assaults one of them because she can? Why are we having this slo mo smoking moment? And now another flashback to the Comedian... oh right, we have to have Laurie's version of why this guy was a douchebag.

B: Eddie's like, you think I'd fuck my daughter? And Sally is like - yah you might.

M: The gubmint is freaking out because their giant blue naked nuclear weapon has gone to Mars. I hate the Nixon makeup so much. He looks so fake. They wasted their budget on Manhattan's cock. I can't believe we still have 2 hours of this shit left.

B: (separate tangent about her cat) I'd rather focus on my cat than this movie. Why is this scene happening? Why is it significant? Is it supposed to increase the tension with the whole nuclear war thing??

M: I don't know. Why is it going on for so long? They figured out he's on mars because there's a blue spot? Uh...Laurie is beating up a guy and chaining him to a radiator? What....What did that have to do with ANYTHING? The gubmint is now attacking Veidt for trying to create free energy...?

B: This scene is just for Ozymandias to explain his backstory...I guess??

M: I honestly have no idea what's going on.

B: It's supposed to parallel the scene in the comic where he talks about Alexander the Great and stuff...

M: This happened at the END of the comic tho.

B: But here it's just...confusing. The choices they made just generally leave you feeling confused. Not like the comic did. It's ‘Vight’. I'm right.

Adrian Veidt is gay is the most discussed in the media in the few years ago.

M: Oh and now the scene where a hitman shows up disguised as a pizza guy so we can slow mo more totally excessive gore.

B: There was plenty of violence in the comic but...you can be dark and edgy without being this damn gory. Dan and Laurie have yet another meaningless conversation at a table and now Dan is suddenly on board with Rorshach's paranoia??

M: And Dan invites her to come over but in the comic she literally ran to him immediately after Jon left. Jesus now Rorshach is fucking monologuing again. They're fucking with the order of events again and it's pissing me off.

B: They don't seem to do it with any rhyme or reason. You have to make changes to adapt to a medium but there's zero apparent reason for the changes in chronology...

M: Rorschach breaks into Moloch's house so he can get caught again. Why the fuck would Moloch know about any of this??

B: But Moloch is dead. It was a SET UP.

M: I'm losing all plot cohesiveness because of all this nonsense. I can't remember what actually happened. Ten minutes of Rorshach slow mo fighting his way out but he's gonna get caught because Veidt organized all this but they don't tell you that in the movie because of reasons.

B: We're not explaining a lot of the plot because it's happening so slowly. They caught Rorschach. They takin' im to prison.

M: Rorschach don't care. He got shit to do. And now maybe back to the animation...? Yes.

B: They do like 1/16th of this shit with the newstand corner. They should have just not at all done it. They just seem like framing to put the Black Freighter in there.

M: Except they don't do it every time, and that makes it worse. And they made weird ass changes to this story too. It's supposed to parallel what's happening in the main story but it's making NO SENSE.

B: This also adds nothing to the story and it breaks the immersion.

M: It mostly seems like an excuse to be gross. And now for Rorschach's mental health evaluation.

B: He's psycho bonkers crazy. Part of the concept of Watchmen is that everyone has issues. The complex psychology.

Look inside your local garbage and you may find a friend and boy.

M: Aw who cares about that. Let's shoot off some more fingers! We get his entire backstory in very very short flashbacks. He's still nuts.

B: This was over the course of quite a while in the comic.

M: Yeah but suddenly we're pressed for time in the seven hour long movie so we gotta condense his entire story into a ten minute scene. Which makes this feel rushed, which is fucking weird considering how drawn out every fucking thing in this movie is.

B: The comic felt like a bunch of stories being told at once but all tying in together at a certain point. Convergent stories The movie feels like a bunch of different stories that happen and then they're over. They're not tying anything together. (Biscuits starts singing Linkin Park because this part is so fucking dark)

M: So he's telling this story about how he killed a guy for kidnapping a girl and Biscuits is looking up the name of that song because she can't remember what it's called and still singing.

B: It's called Shadow of the Day...it’s like the one Linkin Park song I know

M: Okay. And Rorschach is gonna....kill this guy with a hatchet???

B: That is NOT how that happened. He tied him up and set that house on fire. But now he's gonna hit that guy in the head 20 times. And now he's Rorschach. There is no Laura, only Zuul.

M: ...Dana!!

B: Oh...Dana....is that from...

M: Ghostbusters!

B: I didn't wanna say it and have you be like - No it's from the Exorcist!

M: That would have been pretty funny in the exorcist. There is no Pazuzu, only Zuul.

B: Rorschach delivers the iconic line - I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me. The angrier he gets the more gravelly his voice gets. Meanwhile back at the ranch...Lori looks at Dan's shit.

M: You gotta be more specific. In this movie it might be actual shit. She's looking at this ship.

B: He's got some cool etchings, and a stamp collection. She sets things on fire. In the comic she thought it was the cigarette lighter. That's not how you put out a fire.

Laurie is an expert firefighter.

M: She doesn't have any brains.

B: She's an animatronic being controlled offscreen. Everything is so bland in this movie. We really aren't given any reasons to connect with Dan and Laurie.

M: This scene isn't helping either. It's boring and we don't care what's happening because we don't fucking care about Dan and Looooooorie. I can't think of a couple with less chemistry than these two.

B: Do you know what this means??

M: Yes.

B: We're getting close to the sex scene. It's like a case study in how not to do a sex scene in a movie. It's like the most awkward horrible thing that can be done. These scenes were in the comic, but not like this.

M: They're not gonna bang right now anyway because Dan can't get it up because uh...Adrian isn't doing gymnastics in the background and Unforgettable isn't playing.

B: Patrick Wilson's titty.

M: Did we really need to...

B: It's okay. Patrick Wilson is reasonably attractive. I would give those titties a six. Maybe a seven. Compared to having to see Malin Ackerman's tits, I would give them an 11. They're better than Manhattan's tits, which are cgen and disgustingly hyperdetailed.

M: BACK TO RORSCHACH. Who is being threatened by a little person named Big Figure because that's fucking funny. I guess. But it's also canon. And now Dan's dreaming but there's no actual meaning here because they do it wrong.

B: It really would have been better to put that in there after Dan and Laurie stop trying to bang instead of going to Rorschach?

M: And then IMMEDIATELY back to the animated parts with NO warning.

B: That was the worst editing I've ever seen. Sharks are eating the corpse boat.

M: I'm so confused. How did that shark get back up into the boat thing....

B: Who the fuck cares anymore.

M: Back to reality?? Snoop Dogg threatens the comic reading man because uh...

B: Snap back to reality...OH there goes gravity...something about spaghetti. And now back to Dan who is staring naked at his suit. There's too many behinds in this movie.

M: Are you gonna rate it?

B: I like plenty of naked behinds in other contexts.

M: I'm not even gonna ask.

B: Dreiberg is pretty ripped for being supposedly flabby and old. Laurrrrrie decides they should go fight crime.

Unfortunately, Malin Akerman.

M: Night Owl's costume is so bad. Like Ozymandias’ costume and...most of the costumes.

B: Laurie's costume is mostly see through because she can't fight crime if she's not sexy. We don't get any explanation of Dan's bird love in the movie. He's a good bird boy. That's a tongue twister.

M: They're saving people from a fire. I kinda want to go take a nap.

B: Why is he shooting into the burning building???

M: I don't know! Oh it's a water tower.

B: I thought he was just shooting up a burning building.

M: I'm sorry but she would be DEAD from that backdraft. There is no way. So now they gotta drop people off so they can bang in the owlship. Which I don't wanna see. SKIP.

B: This isn't how this happened in the comic at all.

M: Back to Rorschach again. They don't do the whole language pun thing which was so fucking cool in the comic. Big Figure. Small world. Why is all Rorschach's shit cut out??? Don't tell me they didn't have time. They see one dead guy and they know Rorschach is alive?

B: Professional dead guy appraiser.

M: Oh yeah there's a whole prison riot going on but we don't know why in the movie because they don't explain it.

B: Now Dan and Lari are gonna beat up some guys but it's so fucking dark it's like I'm watching Fan4stic. More slow mo.

M: They had to cut Rorschach's story to make time for all the slow mo.

B: I hate Night Owl's outfit. Leri's doesn't look anything like the comic either. I punched that guy! I'm a strong independent woman!

M: Rorschach goes to kill Big Figure in the bathroom which also fucks up what happened in the comic. Luri calls Rorschach an idiot and they start bitch fighting but Dan is like come on we gotta go. We have an hour left. We have to start building each other up.

B: (sings Livin' on a prayer )

M: NOT HOW THIS HAPPENED EITHER. Jon shows up after they get back and kidnaps Liri to mars where there's no air because he's a dick like that.

B: Diet bepis.

M: Laurie somehow knows she's on Mars because there's a giant glass sculpture there. Like on Mars. You know. Back to Snoop and his gang who randomly decide to take out Night Owl but pick the wrong one and beat up Hollis. Poor Hollis.

Yep, definitely Mars.

B: Obviously the editors don't care about the timeline either. Liri's mother is on the phone with Hollis talking about what happened the night before but I thought this was the same night? Who genuinely cares?

M: This movie is rated almost 5 stars on Amazon. You go Hollis, punch at least one of em!

B: The gang beats up Hollis and kills him because it's JUST LIKE THE COMIC. Hollis has flashbacks while he's getting killed. And killed by his own award. But we don't get the scene where he GOT the award. It's fine. I'm not mad.

M: Back to fucking Rorschach and Dan and Laurie and I'm tired of typing that sentence. Rorschach suddenly is sure it's the pyramid people doing all the bad but he has no fucking evidence? Dan lays the smack down and the bromance can continue.

Just like back in college...

B: We're just two dudes in a rad bromance....They're going to an underworld bar because they're looking for seedy dudes.

M: How would these dudes even know about the pyramid thing?

B: That's just how Rorschach do. Follow the money. Rorschach writes a lot of youtube conspiracy videos.

M: Dan finds out some dude helped kill Hollis.

B: Also back on Mars...ugh..his dick is moving back and forth and I know that’s realistic but ugh...It’s different when it’s just a still panel in a comic and not...this...you're made of molecular nothingness, can't you just suck it up into your body or something?

M: Back on Mars Jon goes on his seven hour long predestination trip while his dick wiggles.

B: Jon I have feelings, pls believe me.

M: You can't fucking...you can't...you can't fucking take all this dialogue and re-arrange it and make it work. It doesn't work, now it just seems empty and nobody cares. Lauree was having a total breakdown because Jon wanted HER to make him save the entire earth and now just stand there looking bored.

B: Dan and Ror have broken into Veidt's office searching for answers. Dan is an expert hacker. Creator's name was Jeff Jeff, born on the eighth of Jeff, 19-Jeffity-Jeff. So I put in 'Jeff'.

M: Do they even mention in the movie that Adrian Veidt is supposed to be like, the 'smartest man in the world'? Actually, we don't really learn anything about Veidt in this movie...What do we really know about him? He's rich? He makes plans? Possibly homosexual?

B: *Hacker voice* I'm in. Boys Folder, iconic. Veidt doesn't really keep his most secret government and corporate secrets very...well-hidden. Next to his boys, yanno.

M: Adrian had a team of like three people in the comic. His suit...

B: It has nip- It has NIPPLES!!!

M: *chokes to death laughing* I've never heard anyone so angry about nipples in my whole life.

A toast, to my suit’s nipples.

B: Did Batman and Robin teach the human race nothing???!!? Nipples on superhero costumes = a bad idea. Veidt has killed all his scientists. AND NOW - My Bubastis rant. Whhyyyyy is Bubastis in this fucking movie??????? She just shows up in this scence with NO EXPLANATION. Just, "oh hey...Ozymandias has a giant mutant lynx." and why would she even EXIST in this continuity - he doesn't need the eugenics program in this version of the story. Was he just like "I want a mutant cat, please make me one."

M: How do we still have 50 minutes of movie left??? Oh, I guess...Tales of the Black Freighter. This is still going on. Crazy guy has reached land and kills some people, believing his hometown has been taken over....who really cares. Was there really anyone clamoring for them to put this into the movie?

B: *basically says nothing for this entire bit*

M: *basically says nothing for this entire bit*

B: NO TRANSITIONS, YEAH!

M: Now we're back to have the least impassioned discussion about saving the world ever. "Jon, no, everyone will die...." That's not how this happened - that's not how ANY of this happened. Y'know what, Jon, ya big naked blue freak...

B: Laurie sounds like a teenager who's mad that her parents won't buy her a car.

M: "Do that thing you do..." This is making me irrationally angry, and I've seen this TWICE.

B: This part makes me SO mad. Irrationally mad. They fuck this up so much. We do not get any context to explain how much Laurie hated the Comedian, and why him being her father is such a big deal.

M: Also, in the comic, it was a big deal that Laurie had this realization of her own volition. It came naturally as she tried to fight back her past memories (which were not at all like this), instead of just being magically brought out by Jon.

B: They completely squander Laurie's biggest moment of emotional development, in turn squandering Jon's turning point in deciding to save the world

M: I liked the whole snowglobe bit in the comic...I thought that was like really powerful, but in this she just...throws a temper tantrum.

B: Ugly cry face. At least...I think she's crying. Might just have smelled some expired doppelganger. Jon's speech about life is also...rushed. And they leave out my favorite line. “Come, dry your eyes, for you are life - rarer than a quark and unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg.”

Acting, I think...

M: Laurie looks like she doesn't understand a single thing Jon's saying to her right now. "Jon...you're talking science again, and I don't understand it."

B: I've already complained about the inappropriate scoring. It hasn't gotten any better.

M: So Dan and Ror are heading to Antartica at record fucking speed. Rorschach tries to tell Dan how to drive the fucking ship Dan designed and built. All Along the Watchtower is playing at record loudness for no reason. Somehow they made it to Antartica in five minutes.

B: They're heeeeeere.

M: If Veidt knew they were coming why wouldn't he just open the door instead of letting them fry it with lasers? Veidt is sitting there pretending that he doesn't notice them creeping in to kill him. Suddenly we are shown that Veidt is somehow some superhuman fighter and gymnast which wasn't included in the movie at all.

B: Come on and SLAM. Hello there, sailors.

M: And now for some exposition while a vigorous swordfight is going on. Not really. Veidt is still going on and on about how smart he is and how he organized all this shit.

B: As with any mystery, it ends with the villian explaining how he did everything.

M: In the comic he literally says he's not a comic villian and wouldn't do that, but you know.

B: I could have sworn there was an alien in here....like there was something vaguely about an alien?? This is alien invader erasure and I will not tolerate it. That would break the suspension of disbelief, I guess. If Veidt wanted to make an alien and use that to unite the world.

M: Yeah that would be bonkers, especially in a world where giant naked blue men with god powers exist.

B: He is smart enough not to monologue BEFORE he pulled off his evil plan.

M: And now we see earth exploding or whatever because of Veidt and uh...suddenly we're back at the fucking animated comic.

B: The whole idea of him uniting the world against Manhattan just doesn't click for me. The alien was supposed to be neutral, to be anomalous. It also doesn't make sense that he would drive Jon to leave earth.

M: Way to pull us the fuck out of the super important ending. Slow zoom back out to the kid reading the comic who complains that it makes no sense. I feel you kid.

B: They're trying to pull everything together here with the clock and the therapist guy and everything but it was all crushed by the alien invader but now it's just Dr Manhattan's..energy force?? But they'll be able to recognize that it was Manhattans? Didn't they know that Veidt was trying to use his energy too??

M: Yes.

B: Oh it's bad. Oh no.

Bubastis’ one moment in the movie...

M: Jon and Lurie return to earth post uh..time bomb or whatever. Jon realizes the energy signature is here. He is not muddled or confused or anything though like he is in the book, so he just immediately goes to Antartica to kick Veidt's ass but then immediately goes through the intrinsic field subtractor like a fucking moron. Why would this even effect Jon? Why would the smartest man alive not figure out that it wouldn't work?

B: Laurie says things....she shoots Veidt but he catches the bullet because he's uh..just that radical. Stuff is happening.

M: For not being a comic book villian Veidt is super fucking acting like a goddamn comic book villian. Jon shows up all super huge now and he's kinda mad at Veidt. But not that mad. Veidt uses his magical remote control to show melty face Nixon demanding peace.

B: And this works because...why not?

M: Because the fucking movie has to end SOMETIME. In the comic there were hundreds of screens showing everything but you know...America. Veidt is like - this is our victory Jon and Jon SHOULD be like - you used me to blow people up dude. Fuck you.

B: Uh uh, can't do that, you'll screw up the peace! Rorschach is like fuck no, I ain't keeping this a secret.

M: I'd side with Rorschach with this tbh, Veidt is a fucking madman. He's like the fucking Governor from the Walking Dead. Ror goes out to try and tell the world but Jon kills him.

B: But of course he wouldn't do that, he told the world 35 minutes ago!

M: He literally did. Rorschach explodes and Dan gets all sad. That was my favorite Rorschach! Now Patrick Wilson's ugly cry face.

I loved that Rorschach like a Rorschach...

B: Jon decides to leave and Laurie is like but why and he's like - well I can't go back to earth NOW.

M: I don't understand why Dan is trying to kick Veidt's ass now. He already agreed to let the mass murder slide. Veidt seems unconcerned.

B: We don't get the whole nothing ever ends quote either, which was a big deal in the comic.

M: They fucked the ending hard though. Like with a chainsaw.

B: They fucked the whole movie hard. With like 17 giant dicks. This shit is way fucked.

M: So I guess Dan and Lbrbbrie go back home? And visit her mom cos you know.

B: And all the reconciliation Lrry had to do in the comic is reduced to one pathetic encounter with her mother. And it means NOTHING because we only get one little scene where Loree is SAD. The whole movie is this way. It's just a bunch of stuff that HAPPENS.

M: I don't give a shit about any of these characters. There's a lot of Lyrie and Dan kissy facing and talking about stuff that doesn't matter now.

B: Nothing ever ends but that's not..at all the way it was supposed to be done...at all.

M: WHY ISN'T THIS OVER, GOD. Straight outta the fucking comic we get the last bit where the greasy kid pulls Rorschach's fucking notebook out of the crank file to publish it so 30 years later they could write the mess that is Doomsday Clock.

B: Not EVEN gonna get into that. That's a whole other screaming fit. But that’s a comic, not a movie.

M: *AGGRESSIVE HEADBANGING TO DESOLATION ROW*

B: *AGGRESSIVE HEADBANGING TO DESOLATION ROW*

M: I don't have any closing thoughts. I'm tired of typing. I hate this movie. I hate what they do to every fucking Alan Moore venture. He deserves better. Write less deep shit Alan and they might actually do you right one day.

B: I find the existence of this movie to be a highly overrated phenomenon. I do, however, fucking love the My Chemical Romance cover of Desolation Row.

Munch and Biscuits out, yo.

#watchmen #munchflix #alan moore #comic #comics #movie #bad movie #dr. manhattan #the comedian #rorschach

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omeletsforpepper · 5 years

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If They Liked This, They Might Also Like...

Over at @reactingtosomething we wanted to get into the holidays in a way that was more or less on brand. So in the spirit of a Netflix recommendation algorithm, here are some book suggestions for what to buy friends and family who may have liked some of the same movies I did in 2018.

If they liked Wildlife or Widows: The H-Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness

As I say in my Amazon review, this is the best applied ethics text I was never assigned. In fairness to my professors, attorney-turned-journalist Jill Filipovic hadn’t written it yet when I was a philosophy student. Filipovic is also not a philosopher. But she is a brilliant writer and a rigorous thinker, and The H-Spot is fundamentally and explicitly an Aristotelian ethical project. That is to say, it takes the starting position that political organization should be aimed at the goal of human flourishing (as opposed to, say, economic growth). From there Filipovic builds a case, or maybe it's better to say several cases, for specific ways in which American policy fails women and disproportionately women of color in this aim, and concrete ways in which it could address this failure. She does so largely through first-hand accounts of several women across America, in a wide range of socioeconomic circumstances. Although the institutions and less formal systems in play are complicated, the questions at the heart of all this are simple: What do women want? What do women need?

Filipovic asks these questions without pre-judgment, and without assuming that any answers are too unrealistic to consider. Not that anyone she talks to asks for anything "unrealistic." Partly this is because they often speak from too much experience for the unrealistic to occur to them as something they deserve to ask for, but also, the idea that woman-friendly policy is unrealistic is a Bad Take to begin with. Filipovic doesn't need to be pie-in-the-sky utopian to show how things could be much better for women (and by extension, it should but still doesn't go without saying, for everyone).

I left academic philosophy over five years ago, but I really think each chapter (built around topics like friendship, sex, parenting, and food) is brimming with potential paper topics for grad and undergrad students of ethics and/or political philosophy. Whether you’re philosophically inclined or not, if you think “women should be happy” and “the point of civilization is to make happiness easier for everyone” are uncontroversial claims, The H-Spot is the book for you -- and for your friends who loved the several underestimated women of Widows, or Carey Mulligan’s captivating portrayal in Wildlife of a woman doing the best she could within the restrictions of her era.

If they liked Black Panther: A Nation Under Our Feet

Though it helps to have some familiarity with the Avengers storylines that led up to Ta-Nehisi motherfucking Coates’s first year on the Black Panther comic -- as well as with the excellent opening arc of Matt Fraction’s Invincible Iron Man -- here’s all that even a new comics reader really needs to know before jumping into Nation: King T’Challa, the Black Panther, was recently unable to prevent several consecutive disasters in Wakanda. Both as a cause and as a result of these disasters, T’Challa worked with the so-called “Illuminati” (Tony Stark, Reed Richards, Stephen Strange, and other intellectual and strategic heavyweights) to prevent the end of the multiverse itself. That crisis averted, T’Challa has returned to Wakanda to resume his royal duties.

Coates takes as a starting premise that Wakanda, the most advanced nation on earth, would only still have a hereditary monarchy if the monarch was uniquely suited as a protector of the people. In the wake of the Panther’s failures in this regard, Nation opens with a rebellion against T’Challa’s rule on two fronts: domestic terrorists with an unknown agenda on one hand, and on the other, former officers of the Dora Milaje (the all-female royal bodyguard corps beloved by fans of the movie) rallying Wakandan women who have suffered great injustices unaddressed by the crown. The leaders of the latter, lovers Ayo and Aneka, are nominally antagonists to T’Challa, but to the reader they’re parallel protagonists. You root for both T’Challa and the Dora Milaje, even though their agendas are in tension, not unlike the way one might have rooted for both Tyrion Lannister and Robb Stark in early Game of Thrones. (Shuri’s around too, though she’s quite unlike her movie counterpart.)

When he’s not fighting or investigating, T’Challa does a lot of soul-searching and debating about his responsibilities as king, the ways it conflicts with his career as a globetrotting superhero, and whether and how the government of Wakanda must evolve. Though Wakanda is too small to be considered a superpower, the domestic terror angle, an interrogation of historical injustice, and the struggle between moral idealism and political reality make Wakanda a proxy in some important ways for modern America. (You may have noticed that Ryan Coogler did this too.) Coates’s meditation on leadership and political power made A Nation Under Our Feet not only a great superhero comic but -- this is not an exaggeration or a joke -- my favorite political writing of 2016.

Nation is illustrated mostly by Brian Stelfreeze and Chris Sprouse, with colors by Laura Martin; some of Stelfreeze’s designs clearly influenced the movie.

If they liked Thoroughbreds: Sweetpea

When a clever, mean-spirited would-be journalist with airhead friends learns that her boyfriend is cheating on her, old traumas bubble to the surface and she becomes a serial killer who targets sex offenders. Darkly, often cruelly hilarious, Sweetpea is what you’d get if American Psycho was set in southwestern England and for some reason starred Amy from Gone Girl. Protagonist Rhiannon is a self-described inhabitant of an Island of Unfinished Sentences, de facto Chief Listener of her “friend” circle, and a maker of lists. Lists of the things her friends talk about (babies, boyfriends, IKEA), signs she’d like to put up at work (please close doors quietly, please do not wear Crocs to work), and oh, the people she wants to kill. Like her boyfriend, at the moment. Or ISIS, when news coverage of a terror attack pre-empts her beloved MasterChef.

Author C.J. Skuse smartly chooses not to have Rhiannon wallow in her traumatic past as many superheroes do. We get glimpses for context, but Rhiannon is committed to moving forward, to escaping her demons rather than being defined by them. It matters that she wants to get better, even if she also hates that she’s bought into society’s definition of “better.” (#relatable)

It’s worth noting that Sweetpea leans seemingly uncritically into a lot of dated gender tropes, in Rhiannon’s assessments of the women around her. (Body positive she is not.) Then again, she’s an unreliable narrator -- one of the best demonstrations of this is a scene in which she’s convinced of her ability to fool the world into believing she’s normal, then overhears her dipshit co-workers talk about how unsettling she is -- so arguably we’re supposed to laugh at how terrible she is without necessarily agreeing with her. This is, I think, a perfectly legitimate approach to a protagonist, even if some find it unfashionable.

The book is not quite as thematically rich as it first appears, at least on the topic of sexual violence; it indulges a “stranger danger” picture of rape that doesn’t feel entirely contemporary. (For a more nuanced treatment of rape culture, see the sadly short-lived but wildly entertaining vigilante dramedy Sweet/Vicious.) But as a portrait of a vibrant, layered, genuinely Nasty-and-you-kinda-love-her-for-it woman -- given Oscar-caliber-portrayal-worthy life by Skuse’s wickedly sharp voice -- Sweetpea is too fun to pass up.

Upgrade or Infinity War: The Wild Storm

Castlevania showrunner Warren Ellis helped redefine superhero comics with 1999’s The Authority, which at DC’s request he's given a Gritty Reboot (along with the WildCATS, whom some of us remember from this extremely 90s cartoon) in The Wild Storm. Ellis has always been interested in The Future, both its potential wondrousness and its probable horror. Fans of Upgrade’s refreshingly unsanitized (and unsanitary) take on human enhancement through body modification will find much to like in Ellis’s spin on the trope of second-skin powered armor. (He semi-famously wrote Extremis, one of the comic arcs that inspired Iron Man 3.)

art by Jon Davis Hunt, from The Wild Storm #1

Angela Spica, a reimagining of Ellis’s old Authority character The Engineer, is a cybernetics expert who stumbles onto a sort of shadow government conspiracy related to her employer, and goes on the run with the armor she’s designed for them. (When not deployed, the armor is stored inside her body.) Angela is quickly targeted by multiple covert organizations, one of which rescues (?) her and brings her in on a secret history of technological arms races and contact with extraterrestrials. The Wild Storm is full of big action and bigger ideas, and for smart, generally curious superhero movie fans who find the decades-long continuities of the DC and Marvel universes intimidating, it’s a great entry -- with a blessedly planned ending -- into sci-fi-comics.

Happy holidays, and have fun shopping! Hop over to the full post for @supersnarker3000’s gift guide.

#holiday shopping #gift guide #recommended reading #Jill Filipovic #Ta-Nehisi Coates #CJ Skuse #Warren Ellis #The H Spot #Black Panther #Sweetpea #The Wild Storm

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wrestlingisfake · 6 years

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All In preview

This is the big independent show everyone’s been talking about. Several big promotions have allowed their talent to do this show, but none of them are directly running this show. Cody Rhodes and the Young Bucks are promoting this out of their own pockets, which is pretty amazing when you think about it.

This all came about because some guy on Twitter asked Dave Meltzer asked if Ring of Honor could run a 10,000-seat venue and Dave was like “not anytime soon” and Cody was like “I’ll take that bet.” Then everyone was like “what market is going to have enough hardcore fans to fill a building that big?” and Chicago was like “hold my beer” and the place sold out in 30 minutes. So yeah, fuck Wrestlemania going to New York and Florida all the time, we’re gonna do our own Wrestlemania with indy guys and stupid storylines off of Youtube!

This will be airing live on pay-per-view, ROH’s Honor Club service, and Fite.tv, with a one-hour pre-show on WGN America. September 1, 6pm Eastern/5pm local.

Nick Aldis vs. Cody Rhodes - This is for the NWA world heavyweight championship, which Aldis won last year--the same title Cody’s father held in 1979, 1981, and 1986.

Aldis is probably best known as Magnus for his run in TNA, where he held what is now the Impact world title. (He also held the Global Force Wrestling world title for most of that group’s existence.) Cody is, of course, a former ROH world champion and WWE intercontinental champion; he’s a top act in ROH and part-time special attraction with New Japan Pro Wrestling. He’s also one of the promoters of this show, which may or may not give away the finish.

The great irony here is that “independent wrestling” used to mean “wrestling unaffiliated with an NWA member,” but now the NWA has no members, which means it has the most prestigious championship that is truly independent of the major players today. The current NWA business model, under Billy Corgan, is to fly the champion around to other people’s indy shows, resembling the old-school pattern of Harley Race or Ric Flair coming to an NWA territory once or twice a year. Since this show isn’t being promoted by a group with its own world champion, it’s a perfect fit for that model. So it’s a good thing Aldis got booked, because if he hadn’t the NWA would’ve looked pretty bush-league.

The main story here is that Cody and Corgan arranged this title match without consulting Aldis. Aldis then tried to hold out for added incentive to defend the title, suggesting that if Cody regained the ROH world championship they could have a double title match. Cody came up short, but still managed to goad Aldis into accepting the challenge. Obviously the crowd for this show is going to be solidly behind Cody simply for making this show possible, and moreover they’re going to be into the angle that Cody has a chance to recreate one of his father’s career highlights.

I don’t foresee a lengthy NWA title reign for Cody, since his obligations to ROH and New Japan probably don’t line up with Corgan’s business plans. However, if I was Corgan, I’d want to get the belt on Cody while he’s the talk of the wrestling world. At the very least, I’d want to set up a Cody/Aldis program to run through October’s NWA anniversary show and maybe even the ROH/NJPW Madison Square Garden show in April. So a title change makes sense, but it’d depend on a lot of things falling into place behind the scenes, so it’s not a lock either. In the end, though, this is a bad weekend to bet against Cody.

Kenny Omega vs. Pentagon, Jr. - Omega holds the IWGP heavyweight championship--the top title of New Japan--but the title is not at stake here. Penta works all over the place but is probably best known from AAA and Lucha Underground. His biggest accolade is possibly the LU championship, but he also briefly held the Impact Wrestling world title earlier this year.

This is easily the biggest dream match that this show could book. To the average US wrestling fan, Omega is the hottest guy in Japan and Penta is the hottest guy out of Mexico. But since Penta’s never really been to NJPW or ROH, and since Omega’s never really been to AAA or Impact, there’s never been a way to book this match on a big show...until now.

I don’t really know anything about Pentagon except that he’s fucking scary, dude, and I’m pretty stoked to finally see what this cat’s deal is. Omega has made a name for himself delivering some of the best matches of the decade, but Penta is a brawler so this won’t be a wrestling clinic. It should be a unique spectacle, worthy of this one-of-a-kind event.

I feel like New Japan would not authorize this appearance if their champion was going to lose, so I would be very shocked if Penta wins.

Kazuchika Okada vs. Marty Scurll - Okada isn’t quite the ace of NJPW, but he’s getting there, especially after a record-setting 720-day run with as IWGP champion. Scurll is a junior heavyweight in NJPW, but in ROH he’s approaching the main event level, and if he sticks around long enough he’ll probably become their world champion. In Japan, heavyweights and junior heavyweights almost never compete against one another one-on-one, so this match is automatically a rarity.

Scurll is sort of just there in the grand scheme of things, but within the context of a 10,000 indy wrestling fans in Bullet Club shirts, he’s practically the second coming of Christ. Between the quality of his opponent, the historic nature of the event, the favorability of the crowd, and the timing of his peak popularity, this could be the match of Scurll’s life. But that said, he’s bound to lose, because I can’t imagine New Japan allowing an upset to disrupt their pecking order among the weight classes. That’s fine with me, because while everyone else will be whooping for Scurll, I’ll be there to see Okada.

Rey Mysterio & Fenix & Bandido vs. Kota Ibushi & Nick Jackson & Matt Jackson - Fenix is the brand-new AAA heavyweight champion. Mysterio is a former WWE champion and the current champion of Mexico’s #3 group, The Crash. There isn’t much info (at least, not in English) on Bandido except that he’s worked in CMLL, AAA, and various smaller promotions. Aside from being a finalist in NJPW’s G1 Climax tournament this year, Kota Ibushi is legendary for his high-risk style and his preference to be a freelancer rather than commit to a single company. Nick and Matt, the Young Bucks, are currently the IWGP heavyweight tag team champions, and have become synonymous with the post-ironic style that has defined the modern age of indy wrestling.

There really isn’t a story or direction to this match beyond getting all these guys in the ring at the same time to work with each other. The Bucks do their spots with everyone in the indies, this is their big special show, and so as a special treat they’re going to do their shit with Rey and Fenix. Ibushi seems to be here because Kenny Omega is occupied elsewhere, and to get his last chance to work with Rey before Mysterio returns to WWE. Bandido seems to be here primarily to do the job, which kinda suggests Ibushi and the Bucks are winning.

Hangman Page vs. Joey Janella - Page is one of the lesser white guys in Bullet Club, but he had a decent run in the G1 Climax recently, and it seems like he’s starting to move up in the world. Janella is best known for a) Joey Janella’s Spring Break, GCW’s Wrestlemania weekend event and b) a 2016 match with Zandig where they did an insane rooftop bump into a pickup bed filled with glass and barbed wire. This is being billed as a Chicago street fight, which could mean anything really but generally means no count-outs, no disqualifications, so you can fight all over the place, but you still have to score a fall in the ring.

The, uh, storyline in this match is that Page, yeesh, either murdered Joey Ryan or believes that he did. Joey Ryan is arguably the most popular American indy wrestler who is not booked on this show, and he’s conspicuous by his absence since a good chunk of the build for this show is about his fate. Anyway, Page is, uh, afraid to wear his cowboy boots because they keep...well...talking to him about how he’s going to kill “another Joey,” apparently meaning Janella. So yeah, the big idea is that it’s significant that Ryan and Janella have the same first name. It’s like that whole “Martha” thing in Batman v. Superman, only dumber. This is what happens when the main television for your show is Being the Elite, which is slightly less absurd than Southpaw Regional Wrestling or Z! True Long Island Story.

In any case, Page is suitably deranged enough to brutalize Janella, which means Janella has sufficient motivation to go sickhouse on Page. These two ought to give us a good brawl and some nasty hardcore spots. Dave Meltzer seems to think this could steal the show, and I wouldn’t go that far, but it might have everyone talking afterwards, if only for sheer wtf-ness. I’m not sure it matters who wins, but Page is the one who’s friends with the promoters so I’d bet on him.

Jay Lethal vs. the winner of Over Budget Battle Royal - Lethal (probably best known for his Randy Savage impression in TNA ten years ago, and a sexual harassment scandal this summer) is defending the Ring of Honor world title against whoever wins the battle royal in the pre-show. Since the battle royal includes at least one woman, there’s at least a chance this could become an intergender match. This is the biggest match on the show that does not involve any members of Bullet Club, although I suppose the battle royal winner could, like, join Bullet Club or something.

Being the Elite has been setting up the idea that Lethal’s “Black Machismo” persona is re-emerging, so the big angle for this match is the hype that Lethal might bring that stuff back. I don’t know how that will play off of whoever wins the battle royal, but I guess they have some crazy idea.

For historical purposes, a title change at this show would be a feather in ROH’s cap. But I don’t expect them to see it that way, or for the battle royal winner to be anywhere close to ROH’s ideal world champion. I’m picking Lethal to retain.

Christopher Daniels vs. Stephen Amell - Daniels has been around so long that he appeared (as a jobber) on both sides of the Monday Night Wars, won the first King of the Indies, held the IWGP junior tag title with Daniel Bryan, and became a founding father in the early history of both ROH and TNA’s “X” division. These days he’s primarily known as the leader of ROH’s SoCal Uncensored faction. Amell plays the superhero Green Arrow on TV, and became friends with Cody Rhodes through Cody’s appearances on that show and a celebrity tie-in match at Summerslam 2015.

During the whole “Joey Ryan was murdered” storyline, Amell was arrested but then later it came out that Daniels framed him. I feel like that should leave Daniels in deep legal shit but I guess we’re not worrying about that.

Amell is looking to prove he can hold his own in the ring despite his limited experience, and Daniels has the challenge of making him look even better than that. I think they’ll probably do fine. That said, I don’t watch Arrow or Being the Elite and I barely even pay close attention to ROH weekly television, so I sure don’t give a fuck about this match. I guess Amell wins.

Tessa Blanchard vs. Madison Rayne vs. Chelsea Green vs. Britt Baker - Blanchard is the reigning Impact women’s champion and WSU world champion; neither title is not at stake. This is presumably a standard four-way where the first wrestler to score a fall wins the match. This is the only women’s match on the card--okay technically Jordynne Grace is in the battle royal but that’s not really the same thing.

Rayne is probably best known for her tenure in TNA/Impact (she held the women’s title five times), although she recently competed in both the ROH Women of Honor tournament and WWE’s Mae Young Classic. Green wrestled as Laurel Van Ness in Impact and is of late appearing in Lucha Underground. Baker has yet to really move up into the bigger indies, so her biggest claim to fame may be as one of the jobbers Nia Jax squashed early in her run on WWE Raw.

There really isn’t anything at stake in this match. In theory a victory over Blanchard would set up a title match, but this isn’t Japan and I don’t know if Impact or WSU will really care who wins here. So it kinda just comes down to whoever Cody and the Young Bucks want to go over. I tend to think that’ll be Blancard since she’s the next big thing in women’s wrestling. Although if somebody’s looking to make a statement about the next next big thing, that could be a case for pushing Green or Baker.

Jay Briscoe & Mark Briscoe vs. Frankie Kazarian & Scorpio Sky - This is currently scheduled for Zero Hour, the free pre-show. The Briscoes are the current Ring of Honor tag team champions, but as far as I know the title is not on the line. To build for this match, SoCal Uncensored made a video where they’re training like it’s Rocky III. The Briscoes responded with a video in which they can’t really be bothered to watch a damn 12-minute YouTube video, but then they do and they like go all dark and shit like it awoke something inside of them. I don’t understand why every angle for this show has to be like one of those Channel Awesome crossovers where they team up and fight supervillains or whatever.

Anyway, I always kinda dug the Briscoes, it’ll be neat to see ‘em live finally, and I think they’re gonna win.

Over Budget Battle Royal - This is set for the pre-show. Assuming it’s a standard battle royal, the match begins once everyone has entered the ring, and can only end when all but one participant has been eliminated. The last one left is the winner, and qualifies to challenge Jay Lethal for the ROH world title later in the show.

This has been announced as a 15-person battle royal, although I doubt the exact number is a hard requirement. Named participants so far are:

Colt Cabana (ROH)

Moose (Impact Wrestling)

Brian Cage (Impact X division champion)

Jimmy Jacobs (Impact Wrestling)

Punishment Martinez (ROH television champion)

Rocky Romero (New Japan)

Billy Gunn (WWE legend)

Austin Gunn (Billy’s son)

Jordynne Grace (WSU Spirit champion)

Ethan Page (Chandler Park from Impact Wrestling)

Marko Stunt (a very small indy guy)

Brandon Cutler (PWG)

It’s worth pointing out that CZW champion MJF was booked for All In but as of this writing hasn’t been put in a match. So I’m kind of expecting him to end up here, although I don’t see the point of withholding that information until the last minute. Similarly, a huge part of the All In promotion has been Flip Gordon’s failed attempts to get on the show, and it seems ridiculous to resolve that by just not using him anywhere. Also similarly, I can’t believe the “murder” of Joey Ryan is such a big deal with this show and that the actual real live Joey Ryan won’t be wrestling on it. The promotion of All In has been really weird, basically.

Other surprise entrants that I could see happening include Pac (formerly Adrian Neville, who has very recently been released from WWE), and Austin Aries (the Impact world champion). Considering Jordynne Grace is already there, it wouldn’t be a big deal to add additional women. However if there’s any group that I believe Cody and the Bucks want to see more represented in this match, it would be one-note running joke performers like Papa Buck, Cheeseburger, or Chico El Luchador.

The finish here is going to depend on which winner can have the most entertaining title match with Jay Lethal. If we’re talking “biggest match possible,” that’d probably be Brian Cage or (if he’s available) Austin Aries for the “ROH vs. Impact” vibe. If we’re talking “local guy hometown pop,” then Cabana is the obvious choice. But if the plan is to follow through on an angle that’s particularly important to the target audience, then it pretty much has to be someone who hasn’t been announced for the match yet, which means literally anything is possible.

#all in #cody rhodes #the young bucks #kenny omega #pentagon jr #nick aldis #kota ibushi #rey mysterio #kazuchika okada

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