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yazthebookish · 2 months

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I posted my take on the Lightsinger theory and Gwyn's "luring" powers theory on Reddit two days ago but thought I'll reshare it here (with some additional thoughts)

The only canon information we have on Lightsingers:

Nesta winced. Cassian went on as she scanned the bog, "There are lightsingers: lovely, ethereal beings who will lure you, appearing as friendly faces when you are lost. Only when you're in their arms will you see their true faces, and they aren't fair at all. The horror of it is the last thing you see before they drown you in the bog. But they kill for sport, not food."

Does this correlate with anything Gwyn did in ACOSF? The answer is no.

I am not saying it is impossible for her to be a Lightsinger though where things stand it's unlikely in my opinion, but I'd attribute any potential powers either singing or glowing to her River Nymph heritage. We have no idea of her powers and she's also half High Fae of course she'll have powers like every other High Fae.

I think a lot of the "canon evidence" are different interpretations of the text but sometimes try to present itself as concrete evidence or proof when it isn't. Some attribute her singing during the services as the cause to Nesta having vision of the Prison and the Harp, but that also means we will have to ask what connection is there between Lightsingers and the Prison/Harp? And some believe it's the lyrics that trigger the vision as they're written in the ancient language and "Nesta saw what the song spoke of". Some believe Nesta power reacting to the crackling energy around Gwyn is a sign that she is a Lightsinger, but like... that's an indicator she has powers just like how Nesta in a later chapter felt Merrill's ornerry power. How is crackling energy means it's a Lightsinger when we never saw them? Powers recognize each other sometimes, just like how Feyre was surprised when Eris was able to detect a cold flame in the Dagger Nesta forged when it was given to him as a gift (like calls to like, Eris also has flame power).

In the bonus chapter, it's described at one point that the Shadows danced with Gwyn's breath as if it heard some Silent MUSIC (emphasis on music and not song). What was referred to as Music between Souls? The mating bond. Interestingly enough it was that same night when Nessian consummated their bond and they were connected by a music between their souls. So that could be a hint, and at the end of the scene Azriel hears a distant beautiful singing and the shadows sing back, hard to tell whether if it's Gwyn, who went back to trying to cut the ribbon, starts to sing or it's also another wording for a hint at the mating bond (also called the Song of the Soul).

I'm more keen to believe it's the mating bond because there are far more parallels and similar mate language to support it across all her three series and if someone is going to tell me "but Lorcan's chest glowed after he took the blood oath from Aelin—" my love context matters in this case and it doesn't invalidate the 10+ examples I can pull out of similar mate language like in the bonus chapter.

To ADD, for Azriel to be lured to the library at 7pm because of said Lightsinger singing, he has to be able to HEAR the singing for the power to influence him and Azriel didn't hear any singing, he was conscious and aware of his actions. It was mentioned Nesta sang with Gwyn at the services frequently and she didn't make any comments on a vision being triggered or her constantly seeking out Gwyn so there are holes in those kind of conclusions—again, because we never see Lightsingers on page.

"But when he arrives to the library it chimed 7pm!! That's when they sing for the dusk service" welp that's another hole in the theory, it depends on Azriel being drawn to the library because of Gwyn's singing but if he showed up at the library and they don't sing until 7pm then before the clock chimes at 7pm, they weren't singing so... not a convincing answer. Also, Clotho is usually seen during those services and Azriel still found her at her desk.

Early on when ACOSF came out, some readers made connections between Lightsingers and Shadowsingers and made the assumption that Lightsingers are the Shadowsingers' Light counterparts. That's why you had people musing about Azriel's mate being a Lightsinger, but canonically Lightsingers are evil once we go back to the text but we don't even see them to know for sure how they wield their powers or if they even sing because Shadowsinger Azriel doesn't need to sing when he uses his power.

In an Elain book (in this scenario it's her and Azriel), I don't see any purpose of Gwyn being revealed as a Lightsinger or anything about her powers because it'll be used as a plot device for an Elain/Azriel romance rather than contribute to Gwyn's own growth and that's why I don't like it. It will have implications on Nesta and the Valkyries dynamic too. If that's the case it will mean Gwyn will need more page time in an Elain and Azriel book to tackle something like that, especially if they're going to "help" her since that's the reasoning I see often—that she's not evil but she doesn't know it and if she did they will help her but like... why? To make her realize she has been keeping them apart or that she wanted a necklace she didn't even have any clue about.

Given Gwyn's history who even at the end of the book said despite training it didn't erase the fact that she let her sister die, she is still dealing with survivor's guilt, she still refuses to wear the priestesses stone, and also her desire to leave the library and see the world (which we didn't see yet). She has a lot of promise as a character than be a plot device for someone else's relationship.

The way I see it, Gwyn's theoretical powers is used to absolve Azriel of any accountability for his actions (ala Necklacegate) because it's not a good look on him, so it's better to pin it on someone else by saying he was lured against his will (since I often see that the reasoning behind her presence in the bonus chapter is to hint at her powers).

So if I have to read about Gwyn dealing with her powers whether they're good or bad, I'd rather see it from her point of view and for it to be beneficial for her own personal arc and healing journey. My problem isn't her having questionable powers (which I don't mind because many SJM characters had questionable powers but used it for good), I don't want it to be used as a plot device for another couple just to smear her as a character and clear the actions of the other male character so his "love interest" doesn't blame him for his actions.

Whew, this was long but I adore Gwyn and I am not a fan of the current version of the Lightsinger theory. I think even if SJM makes it happen, it would probably play out way differently than the fandom expects.

Also, it's not in SJM's style to use other woman drama in her romances. The other women are often 💀 or insignificant past lovers. I don't see her taking that route with Gwyn at all.

She could be half Asteri and I would still love her and be eager to explore her powers and story, I just don't like it being used to further another couple's conflict or whatever (they already have Rhys and Lucien).

And no, I hate the idea of Gwyn being controlled by either Koschei or Merrill because it takes away her agency and the suggestion here is about her doing things that harms others, how will that not have any implications on Nesta and Emerie and the trio's healing journey? Given her own tragic history and the fact that she was helpless and powerless to help her twin sister and she's still dealing with survivor's guilt over it all.

"Why did you sign up for this, then?" Nesta drank the glass Gwyn extended. "If you already have mind-calming exercises you're accustomed to?"

"Because I don't ever want to feel powerless again," Gwyn said softly, and all those easy smiles and bright laughs were gone. Only stark, pained honesty shone in her remarkable eyes.

Her being controlled is putting her in a powerless position again because she has no choice but to do Koschei or "evil" Merrill's bidding that could potentially harm Nesta and the others. I despite it.

And if I have to read about any comparisons between Gwyn and Ianthe as proof that priestesses can be evil, I'll go insane.

Also, if Gwyn's power can influence anyone through her singing, it would've influenced every single person in the services. It would have influenced other members of the IC. This particular theory is weak and depends one interpretation of the text that tries to present itself as evidence of an evil creature that never even shows up on page.

Gwyn wasn't added in the bonus chapter by coincidence. Sarah confirmed she left crumbs all over the book and specifically his bonus chapter, and what we speculate may or may not be confirmed in the next book so you can't dismiss the bonus by saying it has no relevance when the author said she left crumbs for readers to theorize about, which leads me to believe she wants us to come up with different theories until she publishes the next book where we'll know for sure if we nailed it or not.

#gwynriel #gwyneth berdara

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mikachacha · 8 months

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𝚆𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚗 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Synopsis: You were only teasing Bada by dancing to Doja Cat's song but it ended backfiring quickly.

Warnings: language, suggestive theme, smutty goodness

(A/N: @jhopes-whoopee-cushion hi 🤧🤧 the wheel of fics won't let me write something else lmao this got selected three times in a row)

🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸

"Babe, babe.. Babeeeee!" you called out excitedly to your girlfriend Bada who's busy sorting out yours and her closet. She looked at you and you grinned before connecting your phone to the bluetooth speaker you were carrying. You've been learning new dances and because you're close friends with Kirsten, she taught you some really good ones. One of those is Woman by Doja Cat.

"Hm? You gonna dance for me baby?" Bada asked, now her full attention is on you and you nodded eagerly. You told Kirsten to give you the naughtiest version and she complied. You wanted to tease Bada by telling her it's the one that you're gonna teach at JustJerk.

"Yup! Hold on, lemme get my heels first." you said and grabbed your black heels before you went back in front of Bada and pressed play so you can start. Bada's eyes widened as she recognizes the song. She thought you couldn't be serious right now.

"You're gonna teach this in class??" Bada questioned and you nodded, holding back a mischievous grin as you danced to the music. Bada's eyes followed your every move, the way your hips would sway to the beat of the music. When the lyrics, “come here, papa, plant your seed” came, Bada absolutely lost it. She didn't let you finish your little dance number as seeing you doing floor work with that kind of song made her feral. She just wants to kiss you, make your body shake in pleasure over and over again.

"Badaaaaa I wasn't done yet!" you protested in a playful manner. You didn't even get halfway to the song when Bada just snatched you up and brought you to the bed. She pulled you in for heated kiss while her hands held down yours on either side of your head. She loves taking control, love how you would whine and protest but really couldn't do about it. Love how those pretty noises would come out from your sweet mouth when she'd tease your sensitive spots relentlessly until you're begging for her for more.

"You're so naughty, you know that.. As if I would let you go out and teach that to class where others would see that sexy side of you, maybe fantasize about you.. I'm not letting that happen, baby.." you blushed at Bada's words and giggles at how possessive she's acting. You loved this side of her, loved that you're the only one who gets to experience this side of Bada.

"I was just kidding about teaching it to class so calm your sexy ass down." you told her and she looked at you before slipping her hand between your legs that made your blush even brighter and a small moan to escape your mouth as she began to rub. Bada intends to tease you just the way you teased her though in your opinion, her's is more relentless.

"Mhm.. Though I must admit that you looked really sexy on the floor posed like that.. Reminds me of all those times I did you from behind." she continues. At this point you felt like you're in a daze. You didn't even noticed that Bada has already removed your shirt, well her shirt that you borrowed, and your pajama shorts. It only occurred to you that you're practically naked in front of your girlfriend as you felt the cool air against your heated skin.

Bada's lips were all over you, leaving marks and wet kisses on their wake while a hand is between your legs, rubbing and teasing making you moan out and grind against it all in the same time.

"Bada, please.." you whined out and she chuckles, loving how needy you are at the moment. She pulled your underwear to the side before working her finger inside of you slowly. She loves hearing those soft noises coming from your mouth that gradually increases as time passes by. She would sometimes kiss you to muffle your moans a little when she works in another finger and curl them up just at the right spot, making your knees tremble from the insane amount of pleasure you're receiving.

When Bada felt like you're ready, she pulled her fingers out and licked them before stripping and pulling the strap on she keeps on the bottom part of your drawer. You saw it and gulped visibly. You're now starting to regret teasing Bada earlier. Knowing when she pulls that strap on out of the drawer, it's sure that you wouldn't be walking straight the next morning.

#bada lee #bada lee x reader #bada x reader #swf2 #swf2 x reader

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chpsticklesbian · 11 months

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Champagne Problems

larissa weems x fem!reader

cw: angst, lots of song lyrics usage

a/n: as promised

words: 1,497+

the soft melody of the music flowed and danced along with the pairs that were hand in hand, hip to hip dancing along the wooden floor. your right hand hugged her waist as her right hand held your left while her head rested on your chest. at that moment the two of you weren’t any different from any of the couples surrounding you. you were oozing an almost sickly amount of love. but none of you cared.

you recognized the song the orchestra was playing. ‘the swan’. it was a classic, one of your favorites. you noticed larissa had started to hum along to the tune as you both swayed to the music. you couldn’t help the smile that crept onto your face at the sound of her humming. you loved whenever she hummed, or sung. you’d always thought her voice was pure serenity. no matter how off key or shrill she could sound, to you it sounded like bliss.

you enjoyed every song she ever sang. but ultimately your favorite was always when she’d sing ‘the tennessee waltz’. the song accompanied you almost every night before you went to sleep. she’d brush her fingers through your hair and sing or hum the song. she’d told you once how she found it odd it was your favorite, the song held a rather melancholic message. you always shrugged and told her the song simply sounded nice when she sang it. she’d smile and thank you. but truth be told you never studied the lyrics enough to realize the meaning behind the song. in fact you never wanted to study the lyrics.

you never wanted to study the lyrics because you wanted her to sing it to you every time.

and now here you were, hand in hand dancing with her, wishing it was her voice accompanying the both of you and not the orchestra.

as minutes passed by you grew nervous, her humming turned quieter. the ring in your pocket almost felt heavier each second. were you making the right choice? maybe your own pep talk wasn't enough. but it's been three years. it's been three years and you still can't get through a day without her. It must be the right choice. right? but what if she-

“i love you.” your thoughts were cut off when larissa spoke, head still resting on your chest. her voice was so smooth, always smoother when she told you she loves you. your worry almost immediately went away, you smiled as your cheeks warmed and you practically melted. it’s the right choice.

you sighed as subtly as you could to prepare the next words you were gonna say.

"marry me." she picked her head off from your shoulder and looked at you.

"what?" she said with a smile and a laughing tone. her eyes searched yours for a trace of uncertainty, maybe even humor. you found it a bit odd, but at the time you'd just thought her reaction was caused by shock or excitement. maybe both. but my god were you wrong.

"marry me." you repeat yourself. larissa's smile faded. the lightness and ease she once held was pulled away from her. still holding her hand, you took your right hand off her waist and reached it in your pocket. you were grateful the circular accessory wasn't difficult to find. pulling it out, you placed it in front of her. the silver simplistic piece of jewelry that once laid on the hands of your mother. of course, larissa didn't know the history of it. maybe if she did she'd take pity on your devotion and say yes that day.

she looked down at the ring and back at you. up and down two times. you should've gotten the hint to stop when she looked at the ring and panic was immediately evident on her face. but you didn't. you'd curse your excitement to this day. with shaky hands and a warm smile, you opened your mouth to speak. the contents of the speech you had drafted for days on end were already prepared on the tip of your tongue. but she stopped you before you could even say ‘i love you’.

"i can't." her words came out breathless and shaky. you immediately closed your mouth. to say you were speechless was an understatement. the pale hand that was once holding yours, had let go. your hand went limp on your side.

the second those two words came out of her you couldn’t help but notice her eyes darted behind you and lingered there for a while. and stupidly enough you turned your head. just to take a look at whatever it was that caught her attention during a time like this.

oh how you wish you didnt turn your head that night. because the second your eyes looked back, they were met with the sight of morticia addams nursing a glass of wine as she grinned while conversing with a friend. it was almost laughable how fast you turned your head away from the sight. almost.

your eyes found larissa’s again. she almost looked sorry, or was it pity? neither, it was fear.

"i'm sorry." she breathed out, brows furrowed. almost as if she was consfused. you'd cherish those words more if you realized it would be the last thing she’d say to you.

she looked at you one last time before walking past you, a light brush of the shoulders as she walked as quickly as she could without making it obvious she was trying to get away from you.

at this point you weren't able to do anything except stand in the middle of the ballroom, ring in between your fingers as the sea of pairs sway around you. you took a shuddering breath in and out before palming the ring and blinking away your shock.

a thousand thoughts gathered in your head. had you read her wrong this whole time? were the three years not enough? but you two were having a great time dancing. it was too much.

your breathing became labored and your eyes began to water. maybe a minute passed by until you felt a tear rush down your cheek. the moistness snapping you out of your stance. thank god people were too focused on dancing to care.

you wiped the tear off your cheek and quickly walked off, clutching the ring in your palm. you didn't know where you were going. everything was spinning and your palms had begun to bleed as the ring dug into your skin. you only stopped when you found yourself standing on the stairs that lead to the party. no one was outside. who in their right mind would be? the party had practically just begun.

you let out a heavy sigh before stepping down and taking a seat on the marble stairs. placing your hand on your knees you opened your palm. the silver, shiny token of love was revealed along with the circular wound. you could only laugh at yourself while placing it back into your pocket.

looking down to stare at your lap, you noticed the heart shaped necklace that was dangling around your neck.

the locket.

your hand reached for the gold charm, and you held it between your fingers, fiddling with it before taking a breath and opening it.

a candid picture of you and larissa that one of your friends took. your arms were wrapped around her neck and hers were tightly wrapped around you. it was taken at an angle which made larissa's face completely visible but all that was obvious from you was your hair and your back. but god how you loved that picture. the smile on her face and the sheer force in which she hugged you was something you wouldn't trade for the world.

a small smile graced your face as you reminisced the moment. the memory now nothing but memory.

you closed the locket and shoved it under your collar.

“fuck.” you huffed out, dropping your head to your knees.

you didn't sleep that night. or the night after. or the next week to follow.

how could you? the only thing occupying your mind were the heaping pile of reasons why larissa would decline your proposal. the reasons you came up with always grew worse and worse.

but as the days flew by and more and more reasons of why she would have rejected you plagued your mind, but only one stuck. you weren't perfect. but the idea only made you start to think that maybe larissa made the right choice. in your eyes, perfection was her. no matter how many flaws she had in her, to you she was perfect. and she deserved perfect. maybe morticia was just that. besides, perfect people deserved perfect love. you thought maybe she knew that and realized you weren’t fit for it.

but through all your sadness and grief, in actuality you were her definition of perfect. but, you were her definition of perfect that she realized too late. you were her definition of perfect when she looked back while walking away from you that night to find morticia, and found her hand in hand, waltzing as she was a few moments ago with you, with gomez.

you were her definition of perfect after she realized morticia would drop her hand while dancing, morticia would leave her in the bustling crowds, and morticia would leave her speechless. but you wouldn't. and yet as the love of her life stood in the middle of the ballroom with a unacquainted ring, and the girl who she thought she loved smiled after the charming man kissed her on the cheek, she couldn't help but wish she was standing in front of you with a ring on her finger. but it was too late. she was too late. or maybe you were too early. but it wouldn’t matter anymore now. would it?

#larissa weems x reader #gwendoline christie #fanfic #wedesday fanfic #wednesday netflix #larissa x reader #larissa weems fanfic #larissa weems #gwendoline christie x reader #larissa weems angst

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tmblrcolouredpaper · 5 months

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Hold my hand, I'm nervous.

Minho likes spending time with you and discovering new aspects of this friendship.

Friendship, Mutual Pining, Domestic Fluff, Nervousness, Comfort, Concert, Protectiveness, Holding Hands, Cold Weather, Clumsiness, Cooking together, Napping, Nightmare, First Sleepover, Platonic Cuddling

⚠️: Body Shaming (by stranger) indicated, Fear of Crowds indicated

wc: 3966

'Hold my hand, I'm nervous.'

He wasn't nervous, not at all, but you know, sometimes he was convinced that lying was completely okay as long as it didn't harm anyone. Besides, he was sure you knew when he was telling the truth and when he wasn't anyway. That's something he loved so much, the comfortability in the friendship with you that caused him to be able to goof off and bullshit around as much as he wanted to.

'You're on a chair not a mountain.', you stated and rolled your eyes in annoyance. The concert was about to start and the fact that you arrived too late to get good spots made you already regret going out this evening.

'Still.', Minho insisted and waved his hand in front of your face until you took it to make him stop.

'Man, that's gonna be one awesome show. I've always wanted to see them live, you know.', he smiled and looked over the mass of people, excitement shimmering in his eyes.

'I know.', you grumbled and remembered why you went out, why you were out in the cold surrounded by people, many drunk, some probably on other drugs, holding his hand even though it was completely unnecessary. Him playing his 'fear of heights'- card was so pretentious that you were almost amused by his preference of saying anything but directly what he wants. Involuntarily, you shook your head and couldn't keep yourself from smiling despite your bad mood. It was silly anyways, especially when Minho was right next to you having the time of his life. His happiness was simply contagious after some time.

Was he able to not look down at you and smile? No, not at all. Did he feel like an idiot, standing on a chair to see the stage, yet having his eyes only on you? Yes, for sure. But it didn't surprise him. He stepped down, tightened his grip on your hand while he did, because he was actually worried that he might lose balance for a second. Once he was stable on the ground, he pretended like he would actually fall and not even he would have expected your reaction of pulling him into your arms immediately.

'I was joking.', he clarified with an embarrassed blush that crept over his cheeks up to his ears. He was pushed away harshly, but your low mumbling, the only word he could comprehend was 'idiot', made him smirk.

'Aaaaw, you thought I was actually falling?', he teased and caressed your cheek, his fingers light and warm on your skin. 'Thank you for always being my saviour, babe.'

'Don't touch my face with your unwashed hands.', you grunted and pushed his arm away.

'So, I wash my hands and can touch you?', he asked, eyes widened in excitement.

'No. Never.', you answered monotonously and crossed your arms in front of you. 'Why did you come down? I thought you wanted to see the stage properly.'

'Want to stand next to you, but you can still hold my hand when you miss it.', he explained without looking at you.

When the concert started he was jumping and dancing, singing along the lyrics and laughed from happiness. The crowd was hyped and even you began to show that you were having fun, actually recognizing a few songs that Minho must have shown you before.

A man next to you kept glancing at you from time to time and you thought it was because you probably looked weird in some sense. You kept wondering if it was your hair or your outfit or your makeup. Every bit of your appearance could have been a reason for someone to express their dislike for it, but in the end no one cares about stuff like this, so you tried your best to ignore his temporary stares and convince yourself that he must have had reasons that weren't under your influence.

'This was awesome. Thank you for coming with me.', Minho laughed after the last song was performed and the band left the stage after several rounds of applause. He took your hand and secured you close to him when everyone became busy leaving the hall.

'Can't lose you.', he said and squeezed your hand, inaudibly assuring you that he was planning on keeping you safe with him.

Many people passed by including the man that kept paying attention to you before Minho decided to leave as well. He saw him, he hated him. Not that he knew him, but the way he kept looking at you and turning to his friend to laugh and joke immediately after scanning you, was enough for him to have an opinion. Minho needed to see him walking away.

'Soooooo, should I bring you home or are you up for chilling at mine?', Minho asked during the walk through the streets, enjoying the fresh air after the concert, his hand still holding yours while playfully swaying them back and forth between your bodies.

'Yours?', you asked happily and he responded, 'Mine?!', sounding just as bright and happy and started laughing.

The fresh air slowly became uncomfortable and Minho started to worry that he might catch a cold. You probably felt the same. Unaware of what he was doing, he pulled you closer to him and immediately heard your teeth clashing against eachother in a fast pace.

'You're an idiot for not bringing a jacket.', he announced and laid his arm around your shoulder.

'You brought me with you. Isn't your task to take care of me then?', you questioned and sneaked your arm around his waist, seeking his warmth, wishing you could just stop walking and push your face in the softness of his shirt.

'No? Since when do you rely on people?', he laughed, but secretly wished he would have been more considered. He would have brought a scarf, a jacket, a whole heater if he'd known you wanted that.

'I don't.', you clarified and took a step away from him, his arm falling off your shoulder.

'Well, I didn't bring a jacket either. That makes two idiots here, hm?, he smiled and pulled you back into his embrace, ignoring your protest.

The apartment complex was soon arrived and Minho held the door open, waiting for you to enter first. He gave you the keys to his apartment and nodded upwards. 'I have to get something from the basement, but go and make yourself comfortable already.'

He heard your steps on the stairs echoing from the empty walls and hurried downstairs to get a pile of his old clothes that he picked up from his parents' house a few days ago. He didn't have any use for them, but thought that you might like them.

When he arrived at his apartment door, he was surprised to find you still standing there, fondling with the keys. Your hands were red and stiff and you visibly struggled to pick the right key, dropping the whole chain clumsily.

'Fuck.', you mumbled and picked them up.

'Let's swap.', Minho announced behind you and gave you the pile while you handed him the key chain. He was even more worried now that you must have been freezing more than he did, so the second he entered the apartment, he went straight to his bedroom and carried the thick blanket to you.

'You go and get cozy in the living room.', he demanded and waited for you to take off your shoes before he pushed you in the direction he wanted you to head to, taking the pile of clothes from you at the same time.

Once he was done washing his hands and grabbing two bottles of water, he followed you, sat down on the floor in front of the sofa where you were curled up into a cocoon, the bottles placed on the small desk. His heart started beating so strongly that he could feel it in his throat. He could just move one meter forward and collect you in his arms, all cozy and close. Just one question, just one agreement and a few moves...

'I need to pee.', you announced, freed yourself from the blanket and went to the bathroom.

It was also just one moment, Minho realised.

The evening proceeded to be just as lacking of conversations as the whole day had already been. You didn't talk much on the way to the concert, the concert itself is no event that provides many talking possibilities and afterwards you two were busy processing all new impressions. Now you spent your time watching dramas, you spread on the sofa and Minho chilling on the floor, head resting on an empty spot of the sofa cushion.

His stomach grumbled and without saying a word he made his way to the kitchen area to cook something. He kept glancing over to you from time to time and the later it got the more he wondered if you would be up for sleeping here. He would like that a lot, he realized and began humming happily when he started imagining how your sheer presence might influence the atmosphere in his apartment.

Suddenly, when he turned to grab a spice on his left, he saw you standing next to him. When did you get up? How long was he actually daydreaming? In panic, he stirred the vegetables in the pan, scared he might have let them burn.

'Can I help with something?', you asked and he was caught off guard by the tiredness in your voice.

'Did you fall asleep?', he asked, genuinely curious, but his voice didn't cooperate and his tone made it sound like he was mocking you.

'Yeah.', you whispered dreamily and sighed.

You seemed happy. He wondered why.

'Good nap?', he questioned and filled some rice in two bowls that were already waiting, while he was working on the greens.

'Hmhmm. Can I help?', you repeated and Minho quickly shook his head, before he could think of verbalizing anything.

'I'll wash the dishes later then.', you shrugged. You didn't move. He found it almost awkward how you were standing in the middle of the room, not initiating of going back to the TV.

'May I smell yo-your shirt?', you whispered, and he dropped the spoon in surprise.

It landed in the pan, and he awkwardly fished it out of the sauce. He carefully laid it down and wiped his hand on a small kitchen towel.

'What?', he finally asked, baffled.

'It's just, your blanket. Like, I want to know if it's the smell of your laundry detergent or you.', you explained, fumbling with the hem of your own shirt.

'The smell?', he didn't understand.

'If the smell comes from the detergent, you need to tell me which brand and scent you're using. I swear, I haven't slept this well for months.', you spoke and started stirring the inside of the pan while Minho kept looking at you in a mixture of shock and disbelief.

After your explanation, he smirked. This was way too funny and if he was honest, way too good to be true to him.

'And what if it's my scent?', he asked confidently, taking the spoon out of your hand.

'Then, ahm, I guess, I, I will cherish this wonderful nap I got to take here?', you spoke slowly, sounding like you were unsure if what you should be saying, like you didn't even think this far.

'Go on, I'm all yours to smell.', he consented and put the pan to the side, deactivated the heat and turned towards you, arms spread to his side, him fully presenting you to himself with his eyes closed, because he knew he wouldn't be able to handle looking at you when you'd approach him with the intention of absorbing something as personal as his scent.

'I could also just smell the detergent.', you clarified and reached around him to take the pan, starting to fill the bowls with vegetables and sauce.

Yes, Minho was disappointed. Not in you, he would never be disappointed just because you didn't do something you didn't want to. He was disappointed in the whole situation and especially in himself, for not being genuine with you. If he were, he would have told you right away that the scene's origin didn't matter, that you could always take a nap here whenever you wanted, because he really liked having you here, giving you everything you'd possibly ask for.

'I'll show you later. Let's eat now.', he suggested and let you carry the bowl to the sofa, following you like a sad puppy that lost its favorite treat.

Other than you said, you didn't take care of the dishes alone. Minho was right by your side. He paused the drama you were watching and turned on music, grooving lazily while washing and tidying up. He caught you covering your mouth due to yawns several times and finally ask nonchalantly, 'You're staying here this night, right?'

'I would love to if it's okay for you.'

He smiled. His was sure his ears got all red, because he felt his body warming up comfortably.

After being done with mundane chores, you returned to the loving room, realizing that it was already 1am. Minho, sitting on the sofa, settled back and sighed. It was a great day. He was absolutely happy.

'Was it alright that I dragged you with me to the concert? I know it's not something you originally enjoy, but I'm very happy that you were with me.', Minho spoke lowly, eyes closed, feeling the exhaustion in his body.

'I actually ended up having fun. Maybe your taste in music isn't that bad after all.'

'Didn't know you had doubts. My taste in everything is out of this world.'

'Sure it is. Keep hallucinating.'

'You're mean, you know that?'

'I'm not and you know that.'

'Yeah... I know.'

'I wanna sleep with your blanket this night', you mumbled after a long pause, cuddling the big blanket that you kept with you ever since Minho gave it to you.

'And I thought you wanted to sleep with me.', he blurted out, unconscious of what he was saying, but he realized after a few seconds and cleared his throat in embarrassment.

'If that was the case I would use your trick and say that I'm scared and need to hold your hand.', you responded, ignoring his embarrassment, but you were well aware of his mood.

'I wouldn't fall for that trick. I know when you're lying.', he laughed.

'And you think I don't know when you're being overdramatic?', you questioned, leaning closer to observe his face, but also to play with him a bit. When would he drop his act of false disinterest and confidence?

'The chair was higher than you think.', he whispered and held eye contact. Silence arose, and the only thing he was focusing on were your eyes, and he recognized once again how weak he was for you. You were so close, so calm and just one question, one consent and one move away for him to caress your cheek with all the gentleness he could put into one touch. He hoped if he'd ever did that, you would become just as weak, melting into his touch like he seemed to find himself melting into your presence.

'I would hold your hand every time you'd ask me to. No chair needed.', you whispered back and he observed you blinking more often, realizing that this position was difficult for you too, but your words sank in, and he felt like crying out of happiness. He believed you, because he really wanted your words to be his reality.

'You're so much braver than I am.', he said and ended the starring contest, looking down at his hands.

'I'm the bravest version of myself when I'm with you.', you confessed and he saw you smiling at him in his peripheral vision.

'Can we go to sleep? I'm very tired?', you asked, wrapping the blanket around you a bit tighter and he nodded , in awe of how adorable you looked.

'I bring you some pillows. You can go get ready for sleep in the meantime.', he said and vanished into his bedroom to bring you anything you might need to have a comfortable sleep. He also pulled out another blanket from his drawer, because there was no way he would take the one you recently occupied from you.

He instructed you to rest well in a serious manner before he left to his room and once the door closed behind him, he threw himself onto the mattress, gathering all wonderful moments of the day in an imaginary treasure box, then actual items he needed after the shower.

The hot water washed away the smell of the concert hall and the spices from cooking. The lotion bottle was still wet, because you used it earlier. It wasn't the first time you showered here. In summer you two would always take a break here for you to take a cold shower, because of how easily you were overwhelmed by warm temperatures. However, you never slept over. You two camped together or stayed over at friends' houses, but having you at his own apartment over night was a first.

He returned to his bed after 20 minutes and wondered if he would even be able to fall asleep, to agitated by the day's events, but he laid down and tried.

A knock on the door woke him up. He actually fell into a deep slumber. The door was slowly pushed open and revealed you, still carrying his blanket with you. He wasn't surprised, but he was still in awe.

'Did the blanket power run off of scent energy?', he groaned and sat up, rubbing his eyes and then making his way towards you. You didn't say a word, and he got slightly scared.

'Are you okay?', he asked, worried, gently pulling you into his room and switching on the fairy light that was unorganized and forgotten on a shelf until this moment. He didn't want to hurt your eyes by switching on the brighter ceiling light.

When he finally saw you properly, he was immediately worried. Your eyes were teary and your breath shaky.

'Scent energy immune against nightmares, I guess.', you whispered and sounded like you're about to cry every moment.

'It's a lot to ask, I kno-ow, but can I sleep here?', you whispered, voice so quiet and shaky that Minho had trouble understanding, but he instantly agreed, expecting you to walk to his bed. You didn't. You spoke again.

'With you?'

He wanted to. He wanted to sleep with you in the same bed, even holding you, so badly. He wanted to be bold and confident, but at the same time he was so intimidated by the way he felt when it came to you and he didn't want to make you uncomfortable, feeling even unsafe in any sense. He would also give you everything you'd ask for and if you wanted him with you, he would be with you.

'Sure.', he said and added a smile, hoping it was assuring and casual.

He took the fairy light and dropped it on the bedside table, waited for you to settle, and once he thought you were comfortable, he switched the light off and laid down as well. It's not much he wished for right now, yet he felt like it was too much to ask. Maybe that's how he could phrase it, so he tried.

'I want to ask you for something.', he started and heard a small 'okay' from you, quiet and in your consciously gentle tone that made him feel good right away.

'It's a lot.', he continued and paused, waiting for an indication if you’re ready or if he should drop it.

'I conquered your bed and you with your pretty body for a night. This is a lot from my side to ask, you have every right to do the same.'

'You're literally the only one I know who could phrase it this way without making it sound dirty.', he chuckled, amused, because it was true. He heard you laughing as well.

'Okay, I really want to hold you close to me. I, I want to, you know...' , he ended.

'You know.', you repeated and he was sure he could never sound as innocent as you regardless of how innocent he actually were.

'Yes, please, I'd like that a lot.', you said and Minho thought he was already in dreamland.

'Please, can you initiate, I'm way too overwhelmed and shy right now.', he heard you whisper and confidence finally returned to its home.

He scooped closer and lifted the blanket from you to let it drop over him as well. Under one blanket, he felt your warmth and every of your movements and it was new to him, he didn't dislike it though. As much as he knew he liked you, he didn't know to what extent and it was as exciting as it was scary to investigate that aspect of himself and the relationship he had with you.

'Minho.', you whispered and he immediately stopped his breath.

'Can we, kinda, set rules or something?'

'What rules?', he asked, not moving.

'Like, for example... that... we have to say... out loud what we think? And we don't judge that? And we don't act on it or something, just, we, ahm, talk eachother through?'

He slowly exhaled and let out a low chuckle.

'Wow. I take it back. You can make your words sound dirty.'

You laughed and sat up, now looking down at him. It was weird, so he sat up as well.

'No, not in that way. Just, I feel like I need to say what's on my mind here or otherwise it's gonna consume me. I don't want it to become awkward with you when there is no reason for that.'

He understood exactly how you felt and was eager to make this right.

'I really want to caress your cheek.', he announced, well aware of how weird it must sound like said out loud and when he heard you laughing, he knew it was weird.

He also realized that it was completely fine. It doesn't have to be serious, it can just be.

'You can do that. I allow it.', you said, the second sentence only a whisper.

Reluctantly, Minho reached out for you, he was feeling calm, but his hands was slightly shaking. However once his fingers touched your skin, he wanted nothing more to make sure you were confident in how much he liked you, how much you were liked and respected.

He pulled away and huffed in a smile. 'You're good?'

'Yes. You?', your voice sounded drained and he laid back down, indicating you to do the same by patting the mattress next to him.

'Just wanna sleep, holding you. Nothing changes, just like having you with me.', he mumbled and felt you rolling over, hesitantly placing your head on his chest.

'Okay?', you questioned and he laughed feeling you relax against him so easily.

'Yes', he said as if your question was the most ridiculous one ever.

Then he remembered something.

'How do I smell?', he asked teasingly, throwing his arms around you to comfort your embarrassment by rubbing your back.

'You should hold my hand.', he announced and heard you huffing tiredly.

'Is the bed that high?', you asked, sounding like you were about to fall asleep every second.

'No, but I'm high on endorphins.', he explained very seriously and wasn't surprised when you pinned his arm down to grab his hand, acting all annoyed when he knew you actually weren't at all, that you liked his company just as much as he enjoyed yours.

#skz minho #skz scenarios #skz x reader #skz fluff #leeknow fluff #skz fanfic #lee minho x reader #lee minho fluff #lee minho imagines #lee minho fanfic #skz soft hours #skz soft thoughts #not proofread

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bi-bard · 1 year

Text

Taylor Swift Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Nikolai Lantsov - Nikolai Lantsov Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: Taylor Swift Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Nikolai Lantsov

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov X Reader

Word Count: 2,242 words

Warning(s): mention of violence

Author's Note: Yeah, I know the lyrics I used for "seven" were a little on the nose. Don't talk about it.

Also, he would so be a swiftie.

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seven

And I think you should come live with Me and we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry Or hide in the closet And just like a folk song Our love will be passed on

Nikolai came from two different worlds.

I was never connected to royalty in any way.

Truly, there should have been no occasion where the two of us met.

However, Nikolai always wanted to find something new and exciting. It was a trait that could be seen vividly in his childhood. He would run from his home and find something that he found exciting and interesting.

I was the same way.

That was how we found each other when we were younger and it was how we ended up sticking together through most of our lives.

Until we got older.

We still saw each other, but our normal adventures slowed down as we each took on new responsibilities. But even then, I thought that we would always have each other in some way.

And then, he decided to leave.

It was a largely private thing for him. Just like how he used to sneak around and look for adventures when we were younger. He only told me because I was his best friend and he "needed to see that I was there" before he left.

He wanted my support. He would always have it.

I had only gone to say goodbye and wish him well.

Holding my tears back as I watched him get ready to leave broke my heart. I never wanted this day to come. I never truly wanted anything around us to change. I wanted to be the stupid, curious kids that we had always been without the pressure and responsibilities. It was so unbelievably childish, yet I couldn't stop it.

He looked at me from where he stood on the deck of the ship. I forced a grin and waved to him.

I saw something shift in his head. I couldn't place it, but I saw the look on his face change.

I was only more confused when he ran back down to me.

"What are you doing-"

"Come with me," he cut me off as he grabbed my upper arms. A wide smile was stretched across his face.

"What?"

"Come with me," he repeated. "It'll be just like when we were younger, but with more action... and maybe a little scarier."

"Nikolai, I can't just run off."

"Who says?" he replied. "Last time I checked, very few people would question it if you left by my instruction."

"You're pulling the royalty play?"

"Am I?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Please," he muttered. "I think we both deserve this."

I took a deep breath. I thought about it for a moment before nodding. "Yes."

"Really?"

I nodded again. "You owe me an extra set of clothes- Saints!"

"Deal!"

I let out a loud laugh as I was dragged into a tight hug.

I already knew that this was going to be the best choice I had made in my entire life.

I Think He Knows

I think he knows When we get all alone I'll make myself at home And he'll want me to stay

I don't know when my feelings for Nikolai changed. When I went from seeing him as a friend to seeing him as something else entirely.

I would love to say that it was a sudden thing. That one day I woke up and everything just changed. But I don't believe that's what happened. I think it happened very slowly over time and by the time I noticed, it was too strong of a feeling for me to avoid.

The first time I recognized it was soon after Alina and Mal joined our crew for a short time. At that point, I didn't have time to worry about my feelings. We had bigger problems on our hands than my little crush.

I wouldn't have to even think about confronting those feelings until we got to the Spinning Wheel.

It was after everyone had enjoyed dinner. After everyone had dispersed for the night, either to go to bed or to mindlessly toss and turn in some hopeless attempt of getting some sleep.

I was in the second party.

I had given up. Instead, I walked the halls until I found Nikolai's door. I hadn't been hoping to go there. It just happened.

He was still awake, sitting in the corner of his room, staring off into space.

"Not going to bed," I asked as the door shut behind me.

"Hasn't even crossed my mind," he admitted, standing from his spot. "What about you?"

"Dreaming of stopping the villains was much more fun when the villain wasn't real," I chuckled. "It was less scary to watch you fight air."

"Won every battle back then," he grinned at me.

I looked down for a moment, closing my eyes.

"Hey," my attention was drawn back to Nikolai when he spoke up. His hand touched my arm gently. "Everything is going to be fine."

"This isn't you sneaking in and out of your family's castle," I said. "This is going to be the worst fight that we've ever faced. I... I don't want to hear that everything's going to be fine. I want to hear a plan."

"Alina will find the third amplifier and then we can tear down the Fold," he explained. "That's all we can plan until that happens, but I believe that we will get through this."

I just nodded. "I hope you're right."

"Now, that didn't sound like you believed me."

I rolled my eyes.

"(Y/n)..."

His tone was teasing as I looked away from him. How could he change my mood so easily? It simply wasn't fair.

He was just too... perfect. He was too good to me. Even if I had known that I was falling for him, I wouldn't have been able to stop it because that damn smile would have dragged me in. I was hopelessly falling for him more and more each day and it felt like it was going to drive me mad.

And he seemed entirely unaffected.

And something about that made me upset. How dare he sit there and be completely calm while I struggle to not yell how entirely my mind has been consumed by thoughts of him?

Nikolai moved so he could look me in the eye again.

"Don't you trust me," he asked with that stupid old charming smirk that drove me up a wall sometimes. And seemed to be my final straw.

“No, you don’t get to do that,” I snapped before my brain could even comprehend what I was I was saying.

“Do what,” he asked.

“You don’t get to look at me with that little smile and charm in the hopes of comforting me."

"(Y/n)-"

"Also, You don’t get to be clever and funny and charming and kind. That’s just not fair! And honestly, very distracting. You are meant to have flaws- what are you doing?”

He was standing significantly closer to me than he was before. "Listening..."

He took another step closer, and I felt heat rush over my entire body as nervousness took over. I was suddenly far too aware of every word that had spilled out of my mouth. And now that they were there, I couldn't speak another syllable. Every word got caught in my throat like someone was strangling me. He was just so close to me. It was suffocating.

"I've never seen you speechless before," he muttered. He didn't need to speak any louder. He was close enough that I could hear him perfectly fine.

"You've never stood so close to me before," I pointed out.

"I see," he nodded. "So, it's simply my presence that makes you nervous. Why is that?"

"Nikolai," I forced a scoff and looked away from him. "I came here to have a serious conversation about what we're getting ourselves into-"

"You could have run," he stopped me. "You could have run after our first trip together, you could have run when I went out looking for the sun summoner, when we hunted the Sea Whip, or before we crossed the Fold. Yet, you never did. Tell me why."

I looked back at him, ready to lie straight to his face. To tell him that I was his best friend and I cared for him. Nothing more than strictly platonic protectiveness. But then, I saw that smirk again and I knew that any lie I constructed would be nothing short of completely pointless.

"I think you already know," I said quietly, embarrassed at how easy my feelings must have been to spot.

"Yeah, but I'd quite like to hear you say it," he shrugged. "Don't want to make too many assumptions."

I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. "It doesn't matter, does it? You're going to be engaged. That's all that matters."

"Not to me," he replied. "Please, say it."

I paused for a moment before finally speaking up again, "I have feelings for you, Nikolai."

His smirk only seemed to grow, which I was convinced wasn't possible.

"Can I go now," I asked. "Are you done embarrassing me?"

"Am I done embarrassing you? Yes," he nodded. "Can you go? Not yet."

"Nikolai-"

My exasperated complaint was interrupted by Nikolai leaning forward and pressing his lips to mine.

I froze for a moment as he kissed me. Soon enough, my eyes fluttered shut and I found myself kissing him back. My hands reached up to cup the sides of his face. His hands touched my sides, pulling me as close to him as he could.

I pulled away first, grinning at him. He grinned back at me, leaning his forehead on mine.

"How long have you known," I asked quietly.

"I wasn't quite sure until a few moments ago. I've had my suspicions... and I've... hoped for a while."

"Oh," I mumbled.

"'Oh,'" he repeated, chuckling as he leaned in and kissed me again.

I smiled into the kiss.

It was a feeling of peace that I had never been lucky enough to experience before. And I never wanted to lose it.

King of My Heart

Late in the night, the city's asleep Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep Change my priorities The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

Tearing down the Fold didn't come without its sacrifice.

That sacrifice seemed to make everyone determined to hold on tightly to what they still had.

At least, that was what I assumed led to Nikolai waking me up in the middle of the night to try to quietly get us from my room to his.

I couldn't have escaped him that night. Not that I wanted to. His arms held onto me so tight that I was convinced he was going to crush my ribs by accident. He hid his face in the crook of my neck, refusing to even flinch after he was comfortable.

It was the first time that I had truly felt like I was the center of someone's attention. I was the most important thing in the world in that moment. Even if it was just for him.

Waking up to Nikolai the next morning only helped to solidify that feeling.

He was already grinning at me. I smiled back.

"Good morning," I muttered, rolling on my back as I stretched.

"Good morning..."

I let out a chuckle as Nikolai pulled me closer to his side.

His lips touched my cheek and my nose and my forehead... light kisses until his lips found mine. I hummed against his lips, kissing him back slowly.

Through all the loss and the injuries and the fear, this moment felt like setting a broken bone. Nothing had quite been healed or fixed, but there were intentions. A future that could be seen where that pain wasn't as strong.

"I could get used to this," I muttered as he pulled away.

He chuckled, nudging his nose with mine. "Me too."

There was a moment of silence between us. A moment where we truly enjoyed being together. Relaxing and holding each other properly for the first time. I never wanted to pull away from him.

But I knew that I would have to eventually.

"How do you plan on sneaking me out of here," I asked. "It would be a bit of a scandal if someone were to catch you spending the night with someone other than your future queen."

I meant for it to be a joke, but some kind of edge must've snuck into my voice before I could stop it. Nikolai let out a sigh as a guilty look crawled over his face. His thumb drew a circle into my skin.

"I'm sorry," he muttered to me. "About all of this."

"We could have never happened anyway," I shrugged, acting like the fact hadn't left a permanent scar in my heart. "Not officially anyway. You're doing what's best for Ravka. I understand that."

"'Official' or not, you always have and always will have all of me," he promised.

My heart swelled as I smiled at him. "And that's enough for me."

I had no interest in having a crown or an audience around to prove it.

As long as I had these moments then I would happily exist just as I was.

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Navigation Guide

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#nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov fanfiction #nikolai lantsov imagine #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone x reader #imagine #fanfiction #x reader

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mysticalsoot · 1 year

Text

this is reality

sort of sbi au and autistic!wilbur centric fic

A/N; this took me like four days and it was simply bc I wanted to write autistic will stimming. like the whole concept was the last scene, I just got carried away with james and wilbur bestie moments

Summary; Wilbur Soot also known as Wil Gold is the lead of an up-and-coming indie rock band named Lovejoy. They've only released two EPs in 2021 and are preparing to release their next single Call Me What You Like, but Wilbur is concerned his contribution to the song is what will be their downfall.

OR; Wilbur is autistic, insecure, and anxious so he's surprised when the UK charts are released that maybe he makes good art that people love

TW; anxiety, panic, swearing and I think that's it

Characters; Wilbur, James, Ash, Tommy

Words; 5.4k

dedicated to; @loverboy-soot bc i sent him sneak peeks constantly and I have been meaning to finish and post this every day I've written on it

masterlist

my ao3

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Wilbur had always dreamed of having his own band, people who loved music just as he did and put as much passion and care into the music they made.

He had that now. Joe, Mark, and Ash were the best friends and bandmates he could ask for. They were passionate and creative—they put their all into their art and their dedication was beginning to pay off. There was a manageable amount of non Dream SMP or MCYT Lovenjoyers, but they were getting recognized in mainstream media more often. They’d been on the radio a few times, and they’ve trended on youtube before and they appeared on at least two Spotify-curated playlists. They weren’t big but they were becoming less and less of a silly little indie band by the day.

And Wilbur knew their next single was their big break. It would jumpstart their career further into the industry, he just knew it. Or, well, he hoped it would. There was a gnawing at his brain and his heart that their new song wasn’t all that, that he was fooling himself by believing it was their best yet. The man couldn't get his hopes up, but he also couldn't really help himself in doing so. He loved it so much, he had poured his heart into the lyrics for years, the instrumentals and melodies for the past year—it was his baby. And Call Me What You Like was the song to make or break Lovejoy’s future.

It was a few days to premiering. Wilbur stood in his bedroom pacing back and forth, gnawing at the skin around his nails which nearly drew blood. He pulled his hands away when he began tasting copper.

He tried rocking back and forth on his feet, standing on his toes, lifting himself up and then dropping to stand on his heels. Back and forth, back and forth. Over and over.

That didn't help either.

He tried flapping his hands and pacing. Squeezing his eyes open and closed.

He did everything he could to ease the anxiety that ate him from the inside out.

He rubbed his eyes with the corner of his palms until stars shown in the black of his eyes and a stinging pain appeared with it.

He groans as he kicks the corner of his bed, hissing and reaching down to grab his foot when the pain shoots up from his stubbed toes to his brain where he registers the sensation.

A silent fuck is muttered under his breath.

"Jesus, fuck!" He yells into the void of his room and throws himself down into his desk chair. He quickly clicks on the discord icon. The usual starting pop-up appears and the wumpus logo spins on the window as it loads the program.

He selects the last dm he's opened and goes to type a message; to James.

WilburSoot 7:35 PM, Today

wanna come over?

The question was simple and open-ended and it didn't require an explanation from Wilbur as the reason was probably clear. But not entirely.

James started typing moments later, he wasn't even online when Wilbur initially messaged him, but the moment the message went through, James' name shown as online. He began typing shortly after.

James 7:37, Today

yea sure. you ok tho?

Wilbur hesitated over the keyboard, chewing at the inside of his cheek as he contemplated an answer.

WilburSoot 7:38, Today

oh yeah, I'm fine man. just missed ya.

He hoped he could easily pass James' bullshit detectors, at least until he saw him face to face. It was easier to fib through a screen rather than in person. He didn't have great control over his facial expressions, he was terrible at hiding anything he felt and sometimes he wasn't even sure what he felt so expressing that was difficult. It's easier to lie anyways.

Wilbur sat in silence, opting to chew on his cuticles again as he patiently waited for a response. James began typing just before stopping again, he'd start and then stop over and over. This went on for quite a few moments and Wilbur grew more and more anxious. He wasn't sure why—James had already given his answer but watching as those three dots appeared and disappeared became just one more creature that ate at the flesh inside him.

James 7:40, Today

alright, I'll be over in 10

Wilbur sighed in relief, his hands dropping to his lap and his head hitting the back of his chair as he leans on it. He runs his hands down his face and he lets out a sound close to a laugh but it's more like a strained huff of air.

He uses his hands to push on his desk, his chair rolling backward and he stands up in a rush, hissing at the creaking sound the chair makes as it spins behind him.

I need to fix that, he notes, before hastily grabbing his phone off his bed and shuffling out of his bedroom. His overhead light was already turned off due to the horrendous sound it made. It was like a static clicking, unlike most lights and it was beyond painful. Part of him was quite thankful it was his apartment. That way he could have whatever lights he wanted off, off, and whichever ones he wanted on, on. It was a wonderful thing.

He found himself walking over to his sofa and carefully sitting on the far left side, pulling his legs to rest underneath him. He quickly unlocked his phone and began scrolling tiktok as he awaited James’ arrival.

It was what felt like much less than ten minutes later when there came a knock on wilbur’s flat door and he hopped up. Wilbur shuffled over to the door, quietly but quickly turning the door knob before opening the door to let James in.

“How are you, Wil?” The question catches Wilbur off guard and James stands in front of Wilbur, hands in his jeans pockets and eyes trained up on Wilbur.

The man shrugs, walking away from his friend but gesturing for the other man to join him on the sofa. He finds his previous spot, legs still tucked under himself. James joins him on the other side, shuffling his shoes off his feet before bringing his own legs to rest under him.

“Okay, Wilbur. Why did you ask me over?” James crosses his arms, a stern glare trained on Wilbur and he tries to meet his friend's eyes but panics and diverts his gaze on the wall behind him.

“As I said, I missed you.” He speaks plainly, doing his best to give a soft smile but seemingly failing given the breathy chuckle James gives in response.

“Hmm, like I believe that. I’m not gonna push but I know something more is going on.” James is flat with his delivery, but sincere nonetheless. Wilbur is, surprisingly, able to read the concern stitched into the expression James wears, his eyes soft as he gazes at his friend.

A comfortable silence falls upon the two and Wilbur leans his head against the back of the sofa, his own arms crossing over his chest.

“Mario Kart?” Wilbur’s question breaks the silence and James scoots off his spot on the sofa and hurries over to the tv stand, turning on Wilbur’s old Wii console and slipping in the old Mario Kart cd.

After the TV boots up, James walks back over to sit next to Wil, throwing him a Wii remote steering wheel. “I’m going to beat your ass, William.” The use of Wilbur's legal name earns a laugh from the anxious man and his friend huffs.

“I’d like to see you try.” He smiles, what he thinks is a genuine smile and he clicks through the various introduction screens. He lets James choose his character first—Wario, as always—before he chooses his own, which is always Mario. He likes it simple and predictable, Mario is just that.

The two play a game on the coconut mall map, Wilbur ahead of James—but not for long before his friend catches up to him, knocking him off course and taking his spot in first.

Wilbur grunts at his friend, using various power up's to gather momentum in order to steal his spot back. His attempts return to fruition and he yells in triumph when he passes the finish line, coming in first.

"Fucking told you!" Wilbur laughs in giddy, shaking his hands in pure joy, his eyes closed tightly and a smile wide as can be—one he knows is genuine.

"Jeez man, why are you so good at this game?" James puts his controller on the coffee table, pulling his legs up onto the sofa and resting them in front of him.

"I'm just that good." Wilbur's snarky remark earns a scoff from his friend and he rests his hands behind his head in triumph.

"You need to work on that ego of yours."

"I do *not* have an ego!" Wilbur counters, dropping his arms to cross against his chest and he exaggeratingly huffs.

"Oh like anyone would believe that!" James laughs, a soft, considerate laugh despite the joke thrown at his friend.

"Wow, such little faith." Wilbur smiles and lets a silence fall on the two, the only sound heard is James readjusting his spot on the couch, and a few sighs let out occasionally before going to scroll Twitter on his phone.

Wilbur fiddles with his hands, looking over at James before going to stand and pace again, he tries to be subtle about it, avoiding the attention of his friend. He tries all of his common coping stims, handshakes, bouncing on his feet, rolling on his feet, tapping his fingers, etc. Doing anything he can to cope with the anxiety that was deciding to reappear again. He keeps his eyes on the carpet below him, spinning on his heels to walk the other way when he gets too close to the wall.

James watches Wilbur, eyeing him and his pacing. Wilbur doesnt notice the eyes on him, and James is thankful for that as he sifts his mind for any reason for Wilbur’s current panicked state. He knows something is up and wrong but he’s sure he won’t get an answer out of the man no matter how hard he tries. He would love to be able to guess Wilbur’s reasoning for his panic, but he isn’t telepathic and he can barely understand his own reasoning, let alone another person’s reasoning. James hesitates, he opens his mouth to speak but shuts it closed a moment later. He averts his gaze back down to the phone in hand, mindlessly going through whatever fiery chaos that was his timeline.

He tries his best to keep his gaze off Wilbur, and it worked for the most part but it eventually got to the point his worry outweighed his desire to stay unnoticed. James watched as his friend continued pacing, tapping his fingers or shaking his hands. Wilbur was nervous but James couldn't pinpoint why.

He makes an attempt, "Wil, are you alright?"

Wilbur's head shoots up and his eyes dart to James focused on his forehead but giving the impression he's making eye contact. He's not.

Wilbur hesitates, going to say something when the words lodge themselves in his throat. He nods.

James goes to stand, walking to where Wilbur is frozen in place. He rests his hands on his friend's shoulders. "You can tell me, I know you're not."

"I'm- I'm fine." Wilbur manages to stutter out, wiggling his fingers in another attempt at calming himself. It doesn't work either.

James looks at him with a stern glare, not one of any malice but one of intense care for the other.

"Wilbur." He warns, unwavering in his attempts at calming the other.

Wilbur shakes his head, eyes focused on the fibers of his carpet, and he's glad it's soft.

"I said I'm fine, James. Okay?" His tone is sharp, and he knows how mean it sounds but he doesn't mean it that way and James knows that.

James keeps his gaze on his friend, squeezing his shoulders in reassurance and Wilbur attempts to meet his gaze.

It's a few moments before Wilbur cracks, the realization that James isn't letting this go—that James cares—seeps into his mind and he lets down his wall.

"I'm anxious, very anxious. Scared even, I think." Wilbur's voice is small, and it's shaky. "I'm scared that the song isn't as good as we think, that it'll ruin our careers or that it just won't land right, and that all our hard work will be for nothing because I ruined it all."

"Woah, woah, woah. Where is all this coming from? You have the fanbase you do, because you're talented, because Lovejoy is talented. The song is amazing, you've heard it from everyone and their mothers and you wouldn't if it wasn't true." James pauses, taking a moment to think of what he should say next, his hands still resting on Wilbur's shoulders to keep his friend's attention. "It is going to put Lovejoy on the map. I know it."

Wilbur shakes his head, eyes focused downwards. "But it could be what lights us in flames too."

James laughs, a lighthearted and bright laugh, "You really think that?" Wilbur nods. "Man, you are so wrong."

Wilbur looks up, head tilted and eyebrows knitted in confusion. Big brown eyes wide with fear.

"You're seriously the most talented person out there, anything you make either on your own or with people will be and is amazing. Don't undersell yourself, Wil." James lets his hands fall from his friend's shoulders and he holds his arms open, inviting Wilbur for a hug. "Hug?"

Wilbur nods and takes up his offer, wrapping his arms around the slightly shorter man and resting his forehead on his shoulder. "Thank you," Wilbur mutters, the fabric of James' jacket muffling the sound.

"It's what friends are for." James pulls away and so does Wilbur. "Wanna watch a movie to get your mind off of it?"

Wilbur smiles softly, nodding, "That sounds great. Popcorn?" James nods and Wilbur swiftly leaves the sitting room to head into the kitchen moments later.

"What d'ya want to watch?" James calls from the TV, voice echoing through the walls.

"Anything but Marvel."

"Aw man, I was gonna put on the new ant man movie!" James laughs, and Wilbur does too, readjusting his attention to the popcorn he threw in the microwave.

"Very funny, James!" Wilbur calls back, chuckling to himself as the microwave beeps. He takes the package of popped popcorn and hisses when he burns his fingers, shaking them in the air and blowing on them as if it would help the pain. He rushes to pull open the paper bag when doing so he pours out the contents into a turquoise bowl, his favorite but James doesn't need to know that.

He takes the bowl into the living room after discarding the popcorn bag into the trash. He holds up the bowl, greeting James.

"I grabbed your weighted blanket, by the way, hope that's okay." James gives a soft but nervous smile to Wilbur and he smiles wide in return, nodding enthusiastically.

"Thank you," He mumbles in response, his smile warm and thankful.

James widens his own smile in return, "I was afraid it wouldn't be, it's over on your spot." He points over to the far left side of the sofa—it may be Wilbur's sofa but he has a tendency to lean more towards sitting on the far left side. It's just a habit, and he's grown to dislike breaking it.

He walks over to his spot, sitting down just as he did before with his legs tucked under him. He still holds the popcorn bowl and he hands it over to James when said friend finds his spot next to him.

"We could watch Hamilton," Wilbur suggests, head turning to look towards James. He makes eye contact briefly but feels that same uncomfortable panic and averts his gaze again.

"Really, Wilbur?" James' tone is playful, and you can see through his eyes that he's seriously considering it, and the pout Wilbur puts on only makes his case clearer. "Okay, Hamilton it is." James then throws the remote to Wilbur and he catches it immediately. There's a soft, warm smile graced upon James' lips and he crosses his arms over his chest in contentment.

It's a few moments before Wilbur finds Hamilton on Disney+ and selects play, but the moment it begins, his eyes are glued to the screen. He barely touches the popcorn he made as he feels the anxiety drain from him and his body finally feels relaxed. Maybe it's his weighted blanket or his comfort media that helped, but he considers it and believes that maybe it was James. His words and his presence helped calm Wilbur.

It's silent between the two for the next three hours, Wilbur's attention barely staying from the musical playing before him. James notices the silent happy stims Wilbur begins to do, small, soft handshakes or rocking side to side. His smile is wide and James is happy, he's happy he was the one to help and he is beyond glad he was the one Wilbur reached out to.

He knows why Wilbur was upset, why he was anxious and pacing his flat. The anxious thoughts got to his friend, dug into him deep, and began tearing him apart one by one. Something about Wilbur thinking of going to James first for something so stressful and serious—even if he avoided speaking about it at first—was reassuring, or calming to know. He's important to Wilbur just as much as Wilbur is to James.

Everyone deserves a James, and everyone deserves a Wilbur.

Someone who knows you'll be there for them, someone who will find what would make you most comfortable and help you, who will sit with you in silence and simply be in your presence and enjoy it.

This was nice, this was good. And James was happy.

There was a moment of contemplation after the musical had ended on whether James should leave or not. Part of him wanted to stay so he could be sure Wilbur's anxiety wouldn't kick back up and eat him alive, but the other part of him knew he had to get back to Aria and Otto. He loved Wilbur, he was his best friend, but he also knew Wilbur may not handle him staying the night, and he was okay with that.

"I think I'm gonna head home for the night. You'll be okay?" James began to get up off the sofa, throwing on his jacket that he discarded on the chair, his gaze locked on Wilbur. He had his legs pulled up against his chest and his eyes were locked on the floor.

He nods, "Yeah, I'll be fine..You go home." His tone was flat, and it made James unsure in his decision. He bit the inside of his cheek as he paused, standing frozen as he gazes down at his friend who seemed to fall back into the pit of panic.

"Are you sure?" James is keen on being fully sure it's okay to leave Wilbur alone.

Wilbur looks up and gives a soft—masked—smile, "Yeah, of course...Go home to your family."

James rolls his eyes and laughs, "Otto is a cat."

"He's still family, isn't he?" Wilbur inquires, his tone light and playful now.

James groans and smiles, and then turns to leave for the door. "I'm a text or call away, remember that." And then he heads out the door, softly closing it behind him and then he's out of Wilbur's sight and earshot.

Wilbur shakes his head and rests his head against his knees, doing his best to calm his breathing. He decides to put Hamilton back on, maybe it'll help again.

And so he spends the rest of the night like this, head rested on his knees, arms wrapped around his legs, and the comfort of Hamilton playing in the background. Eventually, he sleeps.

—★—

It's days later and mere hours to the release of Call Me What You Like. He's sniffly and truly feels like shit with his head feeling like it was stuffed with cotton and his body being dredged in slime.

It's a horrible gross feeling and he really wishes he didn't go talk to fans after their gig this past Saturday. It's by no means their fault, he just has the worst and weakest immune system known to man—and he knows it.

He was pacing again, the skin around his nails raw and bleeding. He didn't have enough self-restraint so his coping mechanisms today were more self-destructive than usual or than they should be.

The rest of the band had been talking in the group chat all day and he had ignored every message, their positive outlook only made things worse. It really should be what makes it better but their hope for everything to go well and their seeming knowledge of it doing so, dragged him down and only fed the negative thoughts.

It would only crash and burn because of him, not because of the others, so it made since they had a positive outlook. If it burned it wouldn't be their fault by any means.

His pacing only got worse, and he started to pull at his hair. It was an hour to midnight, hes been avoiding Twitter or any other social platform that would tell him what people thought all day. The Australian fans had already listened to it since it's realized at midnight on your local time—but he was too scared to see what they had to say. So he had all of his devices turned off or facing down.

He didn't want to know, he was too scared to know.

He eventually tired himself out and ended up laying on the floor, blood still flowing with panic. His phone went off at exactly midnight and he waited a few minutes before opening his phone, only to be flooded with oceans of messages from his friends and fans. His friends asked if he was okay, and they seemed worried and concerned—they already heard the song so they didn't have much to congratulate him on. The messages, indirects, and mentions online from his fans were all messages of care and congratulations. Expressing their love for the new song and the new sound—they seemed to believe it was a masterpiece. Some people even used that word.

The flow of words upon his screen took him aback. He wasn't sure how to process all of the positive messages, and he was sure this was a dream. I mean, it had to be. How could so many people love the song so much, so soon?

Maybe it was because the words he was seeing were from his already existing fanbase—the people who are devoted to Lovejoy and wouldn't switch their opinion over one song. It wasn't a sound comparison is what his brain told him. So surely, in the next few days, it'll crash and burn.

He didn't have much longer to sink into his anxious thoughts, as Ash was quick to call him. Wilbur hesitated before picking up and bringing the phone to his ear.

"Hey," His voice cracked from the lack of use and he dug his hand into the carpet, grabbing at the fibers.

"Well, hello, Wilbur." Ash's voice was joyful, and bright, a very large contrast to how Wilbur felt or sounded. "Have you seen what people are saying? They love it!!" He's so quick to enthusiasm, his voice pitching up towards the end and he lets out a joyful laugh.

Wilbur smiles softly at his friend's reaction, but is still hesitant to believe it to be the truth, "Yeah, yeah I saw some of that." He pauses, breath catching in his throat as he mulls over his next action. "Are they lying, though? I mean they're the ones that have been here ages—they could actually hate it and just say they like it." Wilbur's voice is low and quiet, only audible to the man on the other end of the line.

Ash sighs and lets out a breathy chuckle, "It's the internet, Wil. They'd be brutally honest if it was bad."

Wilbur shakes his head, "But they're our fans, they could lie to save our feelings."

"Dude, you're one of my closest friends and I would hate to hurt your feelings—but you sound like an idiot right now." Wilbur can hear Ash's smile through his words, it's playful in the way he says it.

"I'm sure I do—" He cuts himself off, running his free hand through his hair in a stressed motion. He's at a loss for words, he doesn't know what to say anymore, so he just falls from where he stands, sitting with his legs forward on the floor.

"They love it, Wilbur. And you're part of the reason why." Ash is genuine in the way he reassures Wilbur, he means it just as much as he believes it himself.

Wilbur shrugs, and he feels the anxiety gnawing at his insides again. "You think so?"

"I know so."

"I'm sorry."

"What the hell are you apologizing for?" Ash sounds almost offended at Wilbur's words like he just insulted Ash's firstborn child.

"For being a bother? Or for possibly ruining our career." His voice has gone small again, almost mirroring his attempt at curling in on himself, making him seem smaller.

"You're never a bother—and if anything you're the reason we're even here in the first place. Give yourself some more goddamn credit." Ash isn't harsh with his delivery, but stern. And caring—he means well.

"Sorry again," Wilbur replies sheepishly, regretting opening up about his doubts in the first place. He really feels like a burden now, and it's far from Ash's fault.

"Do I need to ban that word?" Ash laughs, and Wilbur can hear the smile through his words and he smiles back.

"No, no, I won't say it anymore. Promise." Wilbur reassures, his smile is unwavering but still small and soft.

"By the way, I was calling to ask if you wanted to come over to mine tomorrow? Joe and Mark are gonna be there too. We're celebrating Call Me What You Like, we tried texting you—" Ash begins but Wilbur is quick to cut him off.

"I'd love to, I'm sorry about ignoring my phone—it was just too hard." Wilbur nervously admits, scratching the back of his neck.

"Yeah, no, I understand. Don't worry, dude. See you at 11?" Wilbur nods and then shortly replies verbally when he realizes Ash can't see him.

The embarrassment bubbles up in his throat but he pushes it down and hurriedly says his goodbyes to Ash. When they've bid their farewells and he's hung up the phone, he heads to his room—deciding sleep is the next thing he should do. He needs much more of it than he's been getting, especially in his ill state. He's not contagious but he notes it as a valid excuse in case he chickens out the next day before he goes over to see his bandmates.

He's more afraid of bringing them down than seeing them. He'd hate to be the reason they feel bad about the song.

—★—

It's been a week since their new single was released, they've been on the radio even more than before, they've announced and sold out an entire tour and the love they've received on it has been absolutely mind-boggling. Wilbur's anxieties over it have practically dissipated entirely, besides the nagging thoughts in the back of his mind about the album—but it's far too early to worry about that. Right now, Wilbur was alone in his flat yet again, patiently waiting for the UK Top 40 charts to release. A few hours prior he posted a video asking everyone to stream CMWYL in hopes they can get a spot on the charts—it'll help get them noticed by important music executives but also reassure him that it's actually good, they wouldn't stream it if it wasn't, right? He didn't mention or consciously realize the second reason, but it was all the same in how prominent of a thought it was.

A few minutes from now and he'll find out statistically how much of a success CMWYL is. Sitting at his desk and refreshing the chart's website is probably not the best option for his anxiety—but he still does it nonetheless. He patiently sits there as he awaits the release of the UK charts. I mean he has nothing better to do at the moment, he's off and he's enjoying his free time just the way he wants.

He's nervously tapping his fingers on his free hand while his knees bounce in the usual gnawing anxiety that he holds. He keeps refreshing the page as he waits for that one moment of truth.

His eyes burn from staring at the screen so long, especially without blinking, and he contemplates taking a break for a moment but then reminds himself why he's doing this in the first place.

After a few more refreshes and the charts are released, he scrolls down the list of songs and artists. He's beginning to get disappointed when he gets into the 20s, but he's soon surprised when he gets to the #32 spot.

Call Me What You Like by Lovejoy is #32 on the UK Charts.

He practically leaps up out of his desk chair when he realizes what he's read. He can't quite tell if the wetness on his cheek is tears of joy or from his eyes watering from yawning and holding his eyes open for hours on end. But he doesn't care, his silly little band has made it. Or, well, it's starting to make it. It's just the first step to becoming known and loved, they can finally get their art out into mainstream media, with new people. They can share their passion with more people.

He's ecstatic, flapping his hands and bouncing around his bedroom floor. It's finally happened. Lovejoy is going to be the indie rock band. And he helped.

Oh my god, he helped!

He goes to rock on his feet as he thinks about what he should do next—obviously, he needs to tweet to thank everyone—should he call his brother? Or maybe his dad, or mum even. He isn't sure where to start first but he seems to go into autopilot as he makes the tweet, taking a photo of him pointing at the computer screen and then another of him flipping out, a blurred and chaotic photo if we're entirely honest. He then texts the LVJY text chat, telling them and showing them photos of it and sending links with it as proof.

And then he calls Tommy, the call is immediately picked up on the other end, a gruff and very Tommy-like hello being muttered on the other end.

"Toms! We're #32 on the charts!" Wilbur exclaims all in one breath, smiling so wide his face hurts and he's giggling from joy. He still bounces on his feet but his hand flapping has died down a little. He spins and jumps around and hopes to God his downstairs neighbors aren't home to be upset at him.

"Really?? Dude, I'm so proud of you!" Tommy replies, and Wilbur is taken aback by how out of character that is—but he takes it, he takes it and he runs with it. His little brother is proud of him.

"Yeah! Yeah! We're finally on the charts man!" His voice is so bright and excited and Tommy laughs at the excitement his big brother exudes.

“You wanna go out and celebrate tomorrow?” Tommy poses the suggestion, voice poking up at the end.

Wilbur quickly nods, “Yeah, of course! Sorry for calling so late by the way--I had to tell someone.” He lets out a small laugh at his own words.

“Glad it was me, big bro.” Tommy’s response and nickname for Wilbur aren't unusual but he can't help from wanting to pick on the younger boy but decides against it.

“Thank you, Toms. I’m gonna head to bed, see you tomorrow?” Wilbur shuffles over to sit on the edge of his bed.

“Yeah, I’ll text you the plans! Sleep well, bitch.” Tommy lets out an airy laugh and Wilbur mirrors it in response to Tommy being so Tommy.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Love you.”

They bid their final farewells and Wilbur gets up and puts his phone on charge, and then slips into bed.

They’ve finally made it, and it was because of him and his talent. Turns out that anxious thoughts aren't that reliable.

#wilbur soot #wilbur #wil gold #wilbur gold #wilbur centric fic #non reader fic #autistic wilbur #cc!wilbur #sort of sbi #tommy is in it #james and wilbur #but platonic

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ironstrange1991 · 2 years

Text

More Than Just A Song

Fluffy / Comfort

Yes, I will use any image of Stephen/Ben without his goatee/beard as Supreme Strange

Pairing: Supreme!Strange x Fem!Reader (Same pair from Don't Let Me Go)

Warnings: None, this is just fluffy

Word Count: 0,840k

A/N: I had this song in my head for weeks and it always made me think of Stephen, I don't know why, but I had this scenario in my head for days and I needed to write it. It's cute and all, but if you know the ending of this pair and assimilate it to the lyrics of the song it's incredibly heartbreaking, so I strongly recommend that you read Dont Let Me Go after or before reading this ;)

Stephen always had difficulty recognizing his flaws, but certainly not accepting his limitations and being annoyed by not knowing or not understanding a subject was one of them.

It was probably the silliest thing in the world, which made him even angrier, but ever since you returned from your trip to Iceland which you went to attend a science fair sponsored by Stark Industries, you haven't stopped singing a song.

You hummed that song at work all day, you sang it in the shower or when you were cooking, to the point of humming that song one night after you had sex. You were lying on your back on the bed, his head was on your shoulder and you were drawing circles on his shoulder totally oblivious to anything and when he realized you were humming it.

Usually he loved to hear you sing. Not that you were any good at it, you were totally out of tune, but he loved to hear you humming around the house. He also liked how eclectic you were in your tastes that ranged from Beethoven to ACDC, but the problem was that you listened to music in languages he didn't know and that was exactly the case.

Stephen knew the basics, he was good at French, he understood Spanish reasonably well, but that was all. You on the other hand were fluent in at least eight languages, the most recent being Icelandic and you kept singing that Icelandic song that wasn't exactly bad but irritated him by leaving him out, because it was something he didn't know, that he didn't understand and he didn't like not knowing and understanding things.

When he got over his pride and finally asked you what that song was about you just smiled at him saying it was just song that played nonstop on radio when you were in Iceland and it got stuck in your head, but it didn't feel like just any song, not when you had it in your head all day and for weeks on end .

Sometimes he caught you distracted looking at him and humming it, you had this habit of looking at him distracted when he was working or even when he was at the Sanctum doing something, you stopped doing what you were doing and kept looking at him. Usually he was flattered, but he became intrigued by understanding that there seemed to be a connection between the song and him for you, but what connection would that be and would it be a good thing after all?

He's reached the edge of ridiculousness by questioning Sue Storm at a dinner party about the song. You and Sue were friends and she laughed when he asked and told him the name of the song and the name of the singer and that night, you were sleeping next to him, he took his notebook and put on headphones finally finding a video of the song with English subtitles and that's when he understood.

Stephen wasn't necessarily romantic, you didn't have a song or even used to celebrate dates, but the realization of what that song meant, what all those moments meant made him soft.

He heard it a couple of times before putting the notebook on top of the nightstand and looked at you sleeping and without holding back he lay down next to you pulling you by the waist to settle closer to you and kissed your cheek, your eyelids, your nose until you wake up.

You smiled at him with your eyes still closed "Why aren't you sleeping?"

He sighed touching your face "Because I was busy investigating something that had been driving me crazy for weeks"

You frowned, running your hand over your face, not understanding "From work? Why didn't you tell me?"

He denied smiling "Not from work. About you and that damn song."

You didn't seem to understand and he pulled you to his lips and then whispered in your ear "Nothing can pull me away from you now. I hold on tight to you. No one can love me like you do."

You smiled ear to ear, immediately recognizing the snippet of the song.

"Next time you want to confess your love to me try a song in a language I know."

You chuckled putting your arms around his neck and rolled over him putting your legs around his waist "Do you know what that means? That I was on the other side of the world when I first heard this song and all I could think about was you. There’s only you."

He smirked, his hands tight on your waist "And that means..."

You kissed his lips softly and then purposely bit his bottom lip

"That I love you Stephen Strange and nothing in the world will separate me from you."

"They wouldn’t even dare to try, Miss Stark." He brought a hand to the back of your neck, pulling you into a passionate kiss.

You can listen to the song on Spotify HERE or on Youtube HERE And you can read the english translation HERE ;)

You will find it on my Spotify playlist too.

Leave a comment if you liked it. Interact! I will love to read all of your comments and opinions. It inspires me to keep writing ;)

MASTERLIST

Taglist: @graveyzxbabe @dontmindme262 @bloodyflowerrr @insanelyobsessedwithdilfs @sassenach-on-the-rocks @iobsessoverfictionalmen @sherlocksgirl91 @dragonqueen89 @newtsniffles @strangelockd @evelynrosestuff @cute-angi @whiskeyho @prix1994 @sherlux @xourownsidee @rbymoon @kakashibabe02 @hobimysolecito @geeky-politics-46 @lykaonimagines @d0ct0rstrangewife @classickook

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entomophagouserisian · 6 months

Text

Incoming: some weeb shit I've folded one of my favorite math things into (permutations)

So I recently went back to Revolutionary Girl Utena because my girlfriend hadn't seen any of it yet and I hadn't seen much beyond season 1 (I know it's a foundational work of sword lesbianism and regret not having gone harder on it before).

I was kind of laughing with her about how edgy the translated lyrics of Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku (Absolute Destiny: Apocalypse, the song that plays during the scene where Utena climbs up to the arena every episode) and I noticed that there wasn't a translation for a chant at the end of it that hits my ear in a very pleasing way.

The chant in question:

Mokushi Kushimo

Shimoku Kumoshi

Moshiku Shikumo

The reason there is no translation is that it's mostly gibberish. They took the word "Mokushi" (Apocalypse) and rearranged the syllables in all possible ways to create this particular piece of poetry. The repetition of syllables in this way ends up feeling really good to my brain when I hear it and I have therefore been alternating between trying to memorize it and analyzing its structure for the past few days.

Unfortunately in order to present my process for this analysis I'm going to have to teach you some basics of the mathematical conception of permutations.

(The following aside into math is actually wholly unnecessary to my overall analysis, so feel free to skip to the clearly marked conclusion at the end if it feels like too much or you just don't feel like engaging with it)

A permutation is any reordering of a set of objects. Note that it's just reordering, it doesn't include deletions or the introduction of new elements or new copies of old elements. Commonly if we want to analyze permutations directly, and more specifically to talk about the permutation where the first object goes to 2nd position, second object to 3rd, third object to 1st, we use (123) (read as 1 goes to 2, 2 goes to 3, 3 goes to 1). As well, if the 3rd object stays put and the first two swap places, we would use (12) (read as 1 goes to 2, 2 goes to 1) to describe that. If no change is made, we usually just use (1) (read as one goes to one or the identity) to describe that. (This is very much lacking the rigor and generality that I would've preferred, but this post would've been substantially longer if I'd gone into that much detail, so I'm kind of hoping someone can come in with just this much explanation and understand what comes after)

So my first step in my analysis was to try to record how each of the "words" related to the base/actual word Mokushi (this is admittedly where it would be quite useful for me to change over to hiragana, but I don't know it and don't have a keyboard downloaded for it and don't feel like downloading one just for this post or copy/pasting the hiragana repeatedly, sorry to those of you who study/enjoy Japanese)

So, rewriting the chant as the permutations applied to Mo-Ku-Shi (written this way to emphasize the 3 objects being permuted):

(1) (132)

(123) (12)

(23) (13)

It was fun but didn't get me anywhere (other than verifying every possible ordering was present, but I was already pretty certain of that) so I instead chose to look at what permutation is happening at each step in the sequence rather than just how they compared to the original:

* (132)

(132) (13)

(132) (132)

Here, we see a much more obvious pattern. For all but one transformation, we are permuting by taking the first syllable and pushing to the end, moving the other two toward the beginning of the "word". To hear it, it is very easy to recognize the 2-syllable repeats happening throughout that first pulled my attention. However, this one permutation couldn't be done exclusively if they wanted to cover all possible permutations, as applying (132) 3 times brings you back to the original word, so the third Permutation is instead (13) which just reverses the syllables in this case since there's only 3 of them, but this also notably changes them to a "word" not yet seen which can bring us to the two we are still missing by applying (132) two more times.

It was after all of this that I properly noted that that middle step reversed the previous "word" and I mentally zoomed out to notice

~~~~Conclusion~~~~

the chant is set up to mirror itself. The pairs 1&6, 2&5, and 3&4 are all the reverse of one another, ordered such that for all but one pair heard in sequence, there is a 2-syllable repetition when moving from one word to the next. (Yes it took me this long to notice it was mirrored. No all that permutation work was definitely not necessary, but forgive a [likely autistic] math nerd for her indulgences.)

It's just a silly chant in a cartoon but it made me happy to see permutations in it and I am sincerely moved by the poetry of making gibberish out of a dark and serious word like apocalypse by listing off anagrams.

#Cyn posting #long posting #revolutionary girl utena #weeb shit #math nerdery #permutations #apocalypse #mokushi kushimo shimoku kumoshi moshiku shikumo #Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku #Absolute Destiny: Apocalypse #cyn being very normal about music language math and poetry #this is very hinged behavior

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invisibleraven · 2 years

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It's already perfect, you are enough

Carrie x Reggie

Carrie huffed as she twirled and spun around the floor, going through her paces to ensure the routine was flawless. She only stopped to chug back more water, then went at it again and again. She could barely feel the sweat cooling on her skin or hear the rumbling of her stomach, too focused on tightening up her arabesque or landing correctly with her jetes.

Only she kept falling a measure behind, or straining when she should be gliding. She let out a groan of frustration, tearing the hair from her long ago decimated bun, the waves falling in front of her watery eyes.

"Hey doll, I figured it was time for a break, so I brought Thai...whoa Carrie, what's wrong?"

She looked up through bleary eyes to see Reggie, his face awash with concern. She sniffled, pushing her hair back, trying to look composed. Or some attempt at it anyways. "Oh, it's the routine. It needs to be perfect. If it's perfect that means I'm good enough to get accepted into Julliard. You know the scouts will be in the audience tomorrow."

"I do know, yeah," Reggie said, thumbing away a stray tear. "You've been working your cute little buns off all month. So why the waterworks?"

"Because it's not perfect," Carrie lamented. "I'm not perfect. And Julliard only accepts perfect." She broke down into tears at that, collapsing into his waiting arms. "What if it's not enough Reggie? I've dreamed my whole life about getting into this school. What if they take one look at me and decide that I'm not good enough for them? What am I supposed to do then?"

Reggie tilted her head up at that, expression serious. "Now you listen here Carrie Wilson, I've seen this routine a million times. It's already perfect-just like you. And you are enough. But if the idiots at that hoity-toity school can't recognize that, then screw 'em! They wouldn't know talent if it bit them in the behind."

Carrie couldn't help but giggle at that, Reggie's steadfast belief in her causing him to decry Julliard of all places. It was like the epicenter of recognizing talent! "You're ridiculous," she said, her voice still wet with tears.

"So are you if you don't think they'll be begging you to join them after seeing you dance," Reggie replied.

"But what if they don't?" Carrie asked meekly.

"Then you go somewhere else. I know you have back up schools. Or you take some time off. To study or travel, or goddamn live your life outside your tutu! You can always apply again later."

"You love the tutu," Carrie grumbled, but her smile betrayed her, as Reggie's vibrant blush did him. "It's just... I've wanted this for so long. I don't know how to want anything else."

"And you'll get it doll, believe me," Reggie whispered, bringing her in for a gentle smooch. Pulling back and pressing a wet kiss to her chin, blowing a raspberry against her neck to make her squirm and giggle once more. He loved the sound of her laughter. Especially when she was unfettered by what others thought, snorting and chuckling with abandon.

She pushed him away playfully, making a comment about him being gross, but that didn't stop her from pulling him in for another small kiss before easing herself up. She stretched out her limbs, and turned to him as she fixed her hair. "Can you let me run through it one more time and then I promise that we'll eat?"

Reggie waved at the stage, sitting back to watch her dance. She was a wonder, poetry in motion as she did. He hummed a tune that had been stuck in his head for days now, and pulled out his phone to quickly jot down some lyrics. A lilting love song about his ballerina, a literal masterpiece in human form.

He just wished that she could see that, and hoped against hoped that the people from Julliard would to.

Turns out they did, and when a ecstatically happy Carrie leap into his arms with her acceptance letter clutched in her hand, Reggie whispered his assurances into her hair.

"Never doubted you for a second doll."

Carrie beamed up at him, and she only had one question for him. "So how do you feel about New York in the fall?"

"Absolutely perfect," he replied, kissing the tip of her nose. "Just like you."

#filled prompts #ficlet #jatp sweet tarts #julie and the phantoms

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imaseawitch · 1 year

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I am deep in the depression mines lately. There have been days this very week where I could barely get out of bed. My floor and my dishes and my laundry paint the picture that these words can't perfectly convey: I'm not okay.

But some days are good.

Today, I got up early to take my husband to his first of two shifts today. I got home and checked most of the things off my checklist. The fish got fresh water, the cats are fed, and I managed to cook some rice with veggies that will last us a few days. I even tidied a little before my appointment at 2. It was a job interview (a 2nd interview no less) that I feel confident about, and even if I don't get that job, I feel it was great practice for the interview on Thursday, for the job I really want.

Since I'm unemployed, we're currently relying on just my husband's income. We don't have much, but just enough extra to buy groceries for my recently unemployed cousin who supports his mother. I picked up my sister in law, and we shopped for him together, thinking about what we know about him to create the perfect list. He can't cook, but we got him a salad mix, dinosaur chicken nuggets, fresh fruit, a vegetable platter, a frozen lasagna, and even some strawberry yogurt covered pretzels that he's been craving for a snack. My sister and I grew closer because of our shared love for him, and we grew closer to our love for him. We got coffees together on the way out of the store.

We got to his apartment just as he was coming back from a job interview. The timing couldn't have been better--we literally recognized his car in front of us as we pulled into the parking lot. We had thought we'd miss him. (In all honesty, half of the reason I brought my sister was to speak Spanish to his mother if he wasn't home.) But we gave him the groceries in the parking lot, giving our cousin hugs, and he was able to walk into his home with dignity. He doesn't have to tell his mom he couldn't afford their groceries this week.

I dropped my sister off at her home, and made it right on time to the dinner at my dad's house, with the siblings that I grew up with. My dad's house is always plentiful, in food, drink, and arguments. But tonight we had fun. After dinner (and a little bit of wine), we playfully went around and ranked who we could beat in a fist fight.

We decided to duke it out honorably: "sumo" matches. First you bow, then hands on shoulders. Push against each other, and the first to step out of the area rug loses. All of my siblings put me down as the easiest to beat (I'm not what you'd call athletic and all my siblings are the type to train up for half marathons and beyond), but after I pushed two siblings out of the ring another cried "Anyone wanna rethink their rankings now?!" My 66 year old father was slightly miffed that no one would challenge him, but the bruises on my arm tonight make me glad he didn't enter the ring. We don't play to lose.

Oh! And it snowed! Thick fat flakes like we rarely see here where we live, but only in the air, resting for a moment suspended on the tips of grass blades, but not sticking to the still warm pavement. Beautiful, but safe to drive in, like my cherry red Prius.

Then I picked up my husband from work. He ate leftovers from dad's and we listened to music for hours. Music we've both heard before, switching off song choices, staring at the lyrics, pausing frequently to discuss. What does this mean? What is the intention? What is the impact?

Now I can hear him snoring gently beside me. It's way later than I wanted to be up, but I can't help but smile and record today's events so I can remember:

Some days are good.

#me #today was a good day #yeah a good day involves kicking my siblings asses in a physical competition #also for the record I ranked us all correctly #I knew I'd be right in the middle

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siyeonjisoo · 2 years

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It is finally here! My month of pure madness! 6 concerts, 3 in one week and one is a 2 day festival. Starts with Miyavi so let's go!

Tour started from DC and you bet your ass I was there. It was full circle cuz the last show of last tour was in DC for me too. It was so nice to be back!

I did GA for this show so I knew I needed to get there early. Rocked up at 10:30. There was one other person in line who had been there for 2 hours at that point. And that started a bit of a pattern I think cuz the next people didn't show up till like 12.

Right after they showed up, Miyavi's tour bus showed up! Drove past us with its really cool decals but we were all distracted and almost fully missed it. But it kept going past us and we thought it was gonna come back around to try and pull in to the parking lot of the venue. But it didn't. We waited for like another hour or 2. Rest of the band started to trickle in but no Myv. One of the people I was waiting with needed to go back to her hotel and she barely got out of sight before this fancy looking black car rolls up and stops right in front of us at a red light. We recognize Miyavi's manager in the front seat but can't see the back until it's moved and we see a person with a hoodie on and go OH DUH he's with his manager. Car pulled around the building to drop him off and we (3 of us) waved at him and said hi and then combusted cuz he blew us a kiss (and I think he was making eye contact with me at that moment). He prolly was laughing at us when he got inside but it made me happy regardless.

More folks showed up slowly and then all my friends were there and it felt right/real. The CoMiyavi team put together a bouquet of flowers and some messages to pass to him since this is his 20th anniversary tour!

I was first for GA so we got center 3rd row. Even behind 2 mighty tall people, the crowd was pretty chill and I actually had the space to move around and could still see pretty much the whole show!

I've got this kind of bucket list kinda of songs I wanna hear at concerts and I was telling people about that while we waited. Number 1 on that list was Girls Be Ambitious. Number 2 was Dear My Friend. Number 3 was Freedom Fighters. And we got all of them. I don't know what to do with myself now lol.

Notable funny moments:

Myv flew in last night and the first place they went was an Aldi, a place he'd never been to before apparently. He was very confused by it. They have all the carts chained together and you have to insert a coin to remove it and you get it back after you connect it back at the end of your trip. Miyavi saw the chains and stood there trying to separate it, not knowing how. So now we're all just imagining him, jetlagged AF, yanking on this little chain. Until an older lady came up and explained it to him and lent him a quarter so he could get his cart.

Also, Aldis has no mineral water. He was mighty offended about that lmao.

I shouted to Dolly that I think she's really pretty and Miyavi said "what about Anthony?" And then set off on this story. I officially got Myv on a tangent like we all tried to get the teachers to and I felt proud. Story went "at a show he did a while back, the CEO of this company was in the audience. Comes backstage after and is full of compliments for the show. 'Tell me more about that drummer of yours, she's pretty' and ensuing comotion of laughter over that" drummer being Anthony, a rather hairy man lol. He does have rather gorgeous curls though.

Miyavi fumbled the lyrics a little bit in at least Senor Senora Senorita and maybe Selfish Love because it's been so damn long since he's played them lol

He looked at the set list at one point toward the end of the main set. Up till then, he would say "fricking" or "freaking" cuz he doesn't cuss much when doing MCs but at this point he just said "this set is fucking long" and stared at his tablet in what I can only describe as self reflection. Realization that he put himself in that situation lmao.

The other setlist standout is the cover of Get Wild from the anime City Hunter. I've never seen it but I was a Nami Tamaki fan for a while so I already knew that. Myv announced it and was very surprised that the audience knew the anime it was from. "City Hunter, not HunterxHunter. You know it?!" It was cute.

Dolly came back along with DJ Johnny and Anthony but to replace Gabi, we got to meet Chloe! And she is soooo talented and sweet! She gets a really nice dance piece during Secret and my GOODNESS am I falling in love with her. At the time I'm writing this, I've seen her 4 times so I can fully say she is so fucking amazing!!

He played twenty songs in the main set. Went off and changed before playing 4 more songs. He had us pull out our phone lights to sway with him for Me & The Moonlight. Chloe and Dolly each sang a verse of that solo and they sounded like freaking ANGELS.

And before long, it was over. We went hard for about 2 and a half hours but it still felt really fast at the same time. Got my merch, saw someone who got a setlist that I could take a picture of (didn't realize it was blurry until after, unfortunately), and waved Myv off as he got on the bus. Got to tell him I'd see him again in NYC and then it was back to my hotel to try and sleep.

Final thoughts - this tour is such an undertaking but also amazing!! I'm so glad I was at this show and that I have 3 more to experience!!

#myv #miyavi tour 2022 #miyavi 20th anniversary tour #tour fam #best days and memories #tour life

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wanderingandfound · 3 months

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Tragedy: Misheard lyrics are way more meaningful to me than actual lyrics.

I thought this was "And I dream each night of some virgin youth // that I might not have but I did not lose."

It took me sooooo many listens to realize this song was about a break up and not about being 18 and stuck in the town you grew up in while all your friends go to college and also there's a pandemic going on. And even when it finally sunk in that it was about a singular ex, I didn't realize until I got home today and incidentally pulled up the lyrics when I was looking up the song that this line wasn't what I thought it was. I thought he was singing about himself and like, not being an innocent young virgin but also not having passed the milestones he anticipated would make him feel like an adult. Stuck in a limbo of aging.

The classmate's mom not recognizing him in the store. Waiting for his friends who went off to college to come home for Christmas and hopefully see them when everyone else also wants to see them. Loving Vermont and his home but also it feeling so empty now. Numbing himself to speed through the day with alcohol and weed and not even having fun with it. Can't even travel because of the pandemic.

And, it's kinda that. But it's focused on a girl. Which. Feels a little cheaper. I'm sorry your high school girlfriend broke up with you when she went to college but like. That's fine. I know me saying that doesn't help with the heartbreak. But. It happens. It isn't a tragedy.

#personal #liveblogging stories

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casspurrjoybell-25 · 9 months

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November - Chapter 10

*Warning Adult Content*

- Oliver -

As lonely as it was, Oliver knew he needed one more night to mourn the end of his relationship with Brad.

He tried to get all the tears out of his system so he could focus on being happy and making the most of the rest of his trip.

Cooper was a great guy and he didn't deserve to have Oliver moping around while he was spending time with me.

Once he finished packing up all his stuff, Oliver took one last look at the hotel room and then turned and put it all behind him.

He checked out of the hotel and went outside to sit on the curb and wait for Cooper.

He hated that the first week of his trip had ended in heartbreak but he was excited to spend the second week with Cooper.

He liked being around him and he was sure he'd be feeling better after just a few minutes in his presence.

It was starting to rain when Cooper pulled into the parking lot but he waved and smiled when he saw Oliver.

Before he could pick up both of his bags, Cooper was out of the pick-up truck and grabbing Oliver’s other bag to put in the backseat.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm okay," Oliver says, putting the bag he was holding in the backseat as well.

"I just have to move on and hanging out with you and seeing more of Washington will definitely keep my mind off everything else. What's the plan for today?"

"We're going to stop by my house first to drop off your stuff and then we can head over to Rialto Beach. It's not far from my house and I love going there on blustery days like today."

"Sounds great to me," Oliver smiles, thinking about how Cooper could enjoy anything, even the beach on a rainy day.

"I hope you'll like it. Pacific Northwest beaches are different from what you've got in southern California. More rugged. It's amazing to see how angry the ocean is on days like this. I can spend hours watching the waves crash against the sea stacks and roar up onto the sand."

"That sounds awesome. And it's so beautiful out here that the rain doesn't even diminish the scenery."

Cooper grins at Oliver as they got in the truck.

"I'm glad you feel that way."

Once they are out of town, the young man stared out the window at the trees and the lake.

He would have been fine riding along quietly and just taking in the scenery but he hears the faint sound of music.

"Do you get any radio stations out here?"

"Not many. I keep some CDs in my truck instead."

"What do you have?"

"No one specific. I just put a bunch of songs I like on a CD so I have variety."

Oliver laughs.

"Old school, like making a mix tape. I like it."

Cooper turns up the volume and Oliver vaguely recognized the cheerful song.

It was Amy Grant's ‘Baby, Baby’ which was one of the last things he expected to hear.

He grins, looking over at Cooper.

"Wow, I haven't heard this song in years."

"I love this song," Cooper replied, a big smile lighting up his face.

He began to sing the lyrics, dancing in his seat and gesturing with one hand while keeping the other on the wheel.

Oliver didn't remember all the words but he moved back and forth to the music and kept his eyes on Cooper.

It was hilarious seeing this huge, bearded man singing along to this song and making up his own dance moves.

Cooper was a terrible singer but he was having so much fun with it.

Oliver had no doubt that he'd made the right decision to stay in Washington with Cooper.

His upbeat, playful attitude and kind, caring personality were exactly what he needed right now.

******

Cooper's house was just outside of town, down a gravel drive and surrounded by trees. It was a small house that resembled a log cabin, with rich brown wood and a green tin roof. There was a covered porch on the front with a couple rocking chairs.

"This is great," Oliver said, looking around at the trees.

"It's like you're in your own little forest."

"That's what I was aiming for. I love sitting on the porch without having to see cars and people go by. It's peaceful, just me and the elk."

"Really? I've never seen an elk in person. Do you think I'll see one while I'm here?"

"I'm sure you will. Sometimes they're out in the yard in the morning. We'll keep an eye out for them."

He follows Cooper into the house.

It was modestly decorated with lots of outdoorsy elements.

Fortunately, there weren't any animal heads on the wall.

That kind of thing always creeps Oliver out.

There were two small bedrooms, each with its own bathroom and Cooper led his guest to one of them and set Oliver’s bags inside.

The whole house felt like a home, comfortably lived in and well cared for.

The young man knew housing prices were probably a lot cheaper here than in southern California but even so, he really admired how Cooper had his life together.

When Oliver went back out to the living room, Cooper looked him up and down.

"Is that your only jacket?"

"Yeah. Is it okay?"

"For California, it's fine but you'll need something warmer and waterproof for the beach. I've got one you can borrow."

The navy blue rain jacket Cooper gave Oliver was huge on him and made him feel like a kid but it smelled like Cooper and if he closed his eyes, it was almost like Cooper was giving him a warm hug.

******

At the parking area for the beach, Oliver could smell the salty ocean air as soon as he stepped out of the truck.

There were a few trees in front of them and a stretch of driftwood just beyond the trees.

It was still raining a little and the wind was cold but Oliver hardly felt it with Cooper's jacket on.

"We have to walk through the logs," Cooper says.

"Might have to climb over a few. Be careful, because the wood can get slippery when it's wet."

The logs were huge and all bleached by the sun.

It was as though the shore was littered with giant bones and it gave the beach an eerie feel.

But it was a beautiful eerie, not creepy eerie.

Cooper waited as Oliver climbed over some of the logs, standing close in case he needed something to hold onto.

On the other side of the logs, Oliver stops and takes in the sight before him.

The sand was a dark grey and much of the shore was covered in smooth, oval rocks.

The grey-green water was capped with white as waves crested and broke, starting with a dull roar in the distance and then getting louder and louder until they crashed onto the shore.

In the distance, there was a big, rocky island topped with dark evergreen trees on the left and to the right several massive rock formations rose from the ocean.

"Wow. This is incredible," Oliver says to Cooper.

"Definitely not like the beaches I'm used to. What are those?" he asked, pointing at the rock formations.

"Sea stacks. They were formed by the wind and water eroding away cliffs until all that's left are those rocky columns."

"Rugged is the perfect word to describe this. And I see exactly what you mean when you say the ocean is angry. Is it like this when you're out fishing?"

"It can be," Cooper replied.

"I learned pretty quickly to respect the ocean. It's beautiful, but it can be absolutely deadly."

Oliver was struck with the sudden thought of Cooper out on one of the fishing boats, getting tossed about by the waves.

He hadn't thought about how dangerous his job could be but seeing the ocean on a day like this put it into perspective.

‘If Cooper was my boyfriend, I'd be a nervous wreck the entire time he was out on a fishing job.’

Maybe it wasn't just the distance that had bothered his ex-boyfriends.

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ahiijny · 2 years

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more ahi travel ramblings

today was fun!

we went to do a river float. the water was cold, and we were in the water about an hour or two too long for it to be enjoyable lol. maybe if it were warmer weather it'd be nicer.

also i didn't realize those floating tube things didn't actually have a bottom surface, so your butt is just sticking in the water lol

so my pants and shoes and socks got soaked. i took my socks off during a walking past a log obstruction break, and tbh i think mightve lost one of them in the river bc i have an odd number of socks now lol

there were some faster parts tho, and steering and moving around was kinda fun. and we were in a group and the tubes had handles on the sides, so sometimes a group of us would just dock together and then float along as a group lol

it was kinda fun, but was very soaked and cold by the end of it. do not regret doing it, but would not do it again. at least, not in these weather conditions lol. at least it didn't rain

lowkey im really grateful that i have two coworkers on my team with me on this trip bc otherwise id probably be that loner just off by themselves lol

bc i noticed, everyone formed their little cliques/circles so quickly, and it'd be super intimidating joining an existing group if you're an outsider y'know? so it's really lucky for me that i already kinda have a group so i didnt have to stress out as much about it

my two coworkers are a lot more conversational than me and they pulled in some new people into the group and now I know some new names so that's neat...

(note to self write a gcp fic about the whole circles and cliques thing later)

it was pretty late by the time we got back lol (my group were among the trailing end of our group, since they sent us out along a staggered schedule). a late 3pm lunch (6pm in my home time zone)

dinner was at some kind of fancy ballroom nightclub type place with a huge dancefloor and a DJ guy with loud music and a disco ball

i dont really have any experience dancing so i felt super self-conscious and awkward lol (but no one tell my coworkers that)

it was an interesting experience tho

here are my observations of the dance floor happenings from the pov of someone who is very culturally removed from that sort of thing:

when ppl were mostly done eating, someone walked up to the DJ and asked him to turn up the volume even though it was already very loud lol

bruh i could feel the bass vibrations in my chest it was that loud. you basically could not hear ppl talking unless they were like right in your face and yelling in your ear

it started with one circle of oomfies friends getting onto the floor and just movin' to the beat somewhat, maybe one person bustin' out some moves for only a few seconds before reverting to mostly neutral state

and then gradually more ppl walked onto the floor

i mostly hung back and stood there with my drink (non-alcoholic) while taking mental notes on how to make use of these social event behaviour observations for future fanfics vibing to the music

these people know all these modern pop culture songs omg. i know barely any of them. but these people quickly recognize the song and then cheer loudly if it's one they like and then start singing along. they're so fast to recognize the song, like, within the first couple of notes. how do they do it (reminds me of really good AMQ players )

also they know the lyrics too. singing along etc. (dam i should learn more song lyrics.)

the only ones i recognized were California Girls, Abba / Dancing Queen, Gangnam Style, Despacito, Call Me Maybe, the one with "midnight train going anywhere", Justin Bieber / Baby, "I'm Sexy and I Know It", and maybe a few others. the remaining like. 95% of songs i did not recognize at all lol, let alone know the lyrics to it

kinda neat how the DJ seamlessly transitions between the songs while preserving the beat tho, i know it's not as easy as it looks, that's neat.

i think the DJ took a picture of the ppl on the dance floor at some point? that's good right

so the gist of dancing here seems to work is it seems to be you just have to move various body parts (feet, legs, arms, heads, etc.) to the beat

this is presumably more difficult if you don't know the song (and some of these have like random pauses in them), but the beats are relatively straightforward. so it's basically like doing what the8bitdrummer does, except with body parts instead of percussion instruments

some people who know the song also do specific gestures, e.g. telephone calling hand sign or pointing or other things in time with the lyrics

also it seems to be specific to certain songs, but some songs everyone just jumps up and down in unison while waving their finger to the beat, like it's some kind of known thing

also bruh you can feel the floor moving when everyone is jumping in unison. kinda like the entire floor is a drum, neat i guess

also there were a LOT of spilled drinks on the floor too lol. it's easy to accidentally spill something in this kind of crowded environment i guess lol

also kinda interesting how the formation of various circles happen over time. most of the time it's just ppl in their cliques in little self-contained circles on the dance floor, facing each other and just moving to the beat. but sometimes larger circles form, and then someone goes in the middle and does some hyper dance moves that everyone claps to (e.g. there were a couple of hand stands/cartwheels)

if nothing happens for a while, the large circle dissolves and it goes back into a disordered undirectional mass of people. the smaller circles usually form again tho after a while

occasionally the structure comprised of a linear chain of people with hands on shoulders forms, and this goes around the circumference of the floor a few times before dissolving

also interesting that sometimes two ppl who are really into the dancing approach each other in the middle of a circle, as if challenging each other

also you get kinda sweaty huh. my coworker's shirt was completely drenched. i was kinda just making the minimal movements needed to not seem completely out of place but i felt kinda warm afterwards too

good exercise i guess

also if you know me irl and happen to see any footage of me from this event please pretend you never saw it thanks

anyway that was my day hope yours went well im tired

#ahi's ramblings

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