#and i was like 'i just dont want it to be forgotten about because its important' (WHICH IS ALSO FUCKING TRUE !!!)

[samara444]

when shifting/manifesting starts feeling like a burden/chore.

forcing and trying and wanting to manifest and shift is sooooo hard. i know. its so burdensome, it feels so pathetic, every night trying and wishing and still never having. giving ur so called best but getting no result in return. its heavy and it weighs you down, especially if you have been doing it for years.

but…..no one is asking you to carry this burden. i will say it again, NOOO ONE IS ASKINGG YOUU TO CARRY THIS BURDEN. no one is asking you to TRY to have, to FORCE yourself to feel good, to forceee it to happen. u do not have to affirm a million times and visualise and saturate and meditate and climb mount everest.

it drove me insane everytime i read a shifting success story and all they did was put on a subliminal roll over and they so effortlessly woke up in their DR. i used to try sooo hard oh my god, i used to affirm all day and force myself to count to 100 and stay still, and reach the void and feel good and match the frequency and ugh its just so. much. effort. and then i would wonder how they could shift so easily without doing anything and im here trying so hard without any result.

it took me a while to realise, but efforts is not equal to results. fulfillment is. belief is. more your efforts and “hard work” and “trying” is not equals to success. but more ur belief and trust and faith, more your results.

so many people think of it once and forget about it, i struggled with that for years because this is something i want soo bad how could i have “forgotten about it”, but the truth is you dont have to forget and force yourself to let go and then feel like shit if you dont…..as long as you know its done.

no one is asking you to try so hard, even with the LEAST amount of effort, in the most insanely easy that it seems unreal, the easiest and the most effortless path is what you deserve. let this burden down.

this preconceived notion that society has enstilled that the harder you work you happier you will be. let thatt go. and accept that if you already had it….why would you affirm a million times and force yourself?? it would be effortless already because its already yours. YOU choose. you choose if you have to climb mount everest to shift, or it can be as simple as one affirmation and then waking up in your dr.

give it to yourself. let it be easy for you. And stop trying. have faith that if you have asked it once and given it your all, its enough. living in this conviction and staying true to the unseen is the way to all miracles.

-love, sam <3

#shifting #law of assumption #reality shifting #desired reality #shifting realities #shiftblr #reality shift #shifting antis dni #shifting community #shifting motivation #neville goddard #manifestation #manifesting #master manifestor #law of manifestation #law of attraction

[baby-xemnas]

I love so much that “Bepo is Law’s weakness” is arguably canon. It’s not “Law’s weakness is cute things” like some ppl in fandom try to say since Law is pretty visibly unaffected by Chopper, little kids, all the standard “cute things” in OP. It’s literally just Bepo and his cuteness that has an effect on Law, and we see it in reaction to Bepo going “🥺” when Bepo was sick, letting Bepo hug him all the time, taking Bepo to Uta concert only bc he knows Bepo wants to go, etc. LawBepo is such a perfect ship, massively underrated ship frfr 🩷🩷🩷🩷

there is this very good compilation pic from @/daily_trafalgar on twitter with a caption "law's reaction to cute things"

you mean barely a reaction

and then there is Bepo

Bepo is special he is spoiled and coddled and can do anything he wants with barely a word from Law. i do think Law is good with kids but Bepo is a grown man - his best friend

and as much as some lawbepo non-shippers want to see them as parent and child -you dont see someone YOU grew up with. YOU were children at the same time with - and grew up alongside each other as a CHILD. You just don't see them as that, it's nonsense. Yes he is like law's little brother but not a child

(i call him Law's baby like 20 times a day but that's in a way that a cute girlfriend is "baby")

Saying all this to say that "oh Law is weak to Bepo's cuteness because he is like Law's baby" (implying child) or even worse = when people call him a pet They grew up together - 4 year difference is forgotten about -you are peers - yes of course Bepo is both subordinate and looks up to Law as an stronger smarter leader etc. but thats not a parental dynamic at all.

its a very serious, rational and collected guy and his favorite guy who he spoils in big and little ways and have been spoiling him their whole lives...

i love that Law saved Bepo from getting his ass beat and dying alone and brought him home and they just stayed in that dynamic their whole life and both became adults but this "Bepo is precious and weak af and i love him" pretty much didn't change.

and Bepo is so comfortable with it. novel was Law focused so it never gave Bepo an "I'LL TO PROVE MYSELF TO YOU THAT YOU DONT HAVE TO PROTECT ME ALL THE TIME I CAN HOLD MY OWN" arc - and that would make sense for his character if there was time/desire to focus on him but because of those constraints Bepo bypassed that and i kinda love it? (you can call it another of many copes of mine idc) but him NOT having a standart "little brother" arc is awesome, Bepo is very comfortable in his role and when he speaks its always

"I'll do my best for you and help where i can because you are so amazing" there is zero of his own ego. He is comfortable in his "lower rank" role, he doesn't strive to be Law's equal he knows he can't be! Law san is the greatest!!

Law is happy with it too because he is a protector in nature (look at his bigass crew ;-;♥) so bepo being HAPPY to be protected makes him happy too. It makes Law feel strong and good, it plays on his ego in a positive way being looked up to and sought out as a protector - yes it's pressure (that Bepo does his best to elevate) but it's not negative and Law takes it happily, it's good to feel needed. And it all started with Bepo and they preserved that - Law is always strong and cool leader and protector and Bepo is always UUUU CAPTAIN 🥺😭🥺😭🥺😭

they are the best and i love them so much it's such a special dynamic and it makes Law's character so much better

#anonymous #lawbepo #putting all my talking in circles under the cut cuz its a lot #law: born to daddy - forced to daddy - is contently daddy #basically #his reaction to children: strong must protect the sweet (stone faced) papi but not super soft about it #bepo being baby: CRITICAL DAMAGE

[stargloom]

hey. i dont like doing this. and i dont want to be a tumblr bitch who's wrote a callout before. but i cannot in good faith continue posting in the same community as this guy and allow him to pretend to not be genuinely a sicko. but @/bloomingduskk (who im sure will change urls after i post this is. a prosh.ipper radq.eer trans.d alongside a plethora of unfavorable unethical things. most of which being too personal to share, but enough left for me to be uncomfortable with my own silence. tw for like fucking everything lol

I never wanted to be in this position, or ever have to be the author of something like this. I am not a confrontational person or someone who enjoys drama, i’m entirely someone who goes out of his way not to get involved in such things, but due to my past public friendships with this person, and his tendencies of covering his tracks and lying about me and my friends, i feel as if it would be cowardly of me not to at least issue a warning about this user, and hope my message is conveyed well. If this was solely a personal gripe, I would not come out with a doc publically, I have no intentions of being petty, and am purposely leaving out a lot of petty issues and things that have been done to harm me personally. I only intend to talk about the actual dangers he promotes, and provide counterclaims to the narratives he tends to enjoy putting out. 

Before going further, i will be addressing him by his url, or nothing at all, as i will not be calling him by the japanese name he chooses to go by as a white person. It is against my morals. I hope that my decision doesn’t make this document more confusing than it needs to be. 

--- bloomingduskk uses Japanese names as a white person, and has done so for a while. He currently uses the name “maki” , and for the last half of 2023, went by Kaede, despite the fact that i firmly told him not to due to it being cultural appropriation multiple times, and each time he gave me an excuse, before continuing to do it. This is not a targeted attack against him, as he has said before in regard to being told not to use a japanese name, but something that i would condemn no matter who the person was. He identify(s)d as transracial. No matter the mental health issues you may have, the entire concept of “transitioning” into an ethnic minority is racist and entirely unacceptable. Here was his response to that.

And here is him self describing as transracial, and his pinned post on his old radqueer blog

^^ his discord at the time, which i and many others have personal dms with, matched exactly with his radq.ueer blogs. he cannot fucking say this isnt him i will go insane if he tries to deny this shit. He has spoken about me under the guise that I am stalking him, despite never having me blocked on anything but an old art account, and also the fact that I have gone out of my way, due to having severe morality ocd, not to scroll through or look at his content. All screenshots were provided to me secondhand, and not from my own devices, due to how severe this situation was for me, a person with ocd who he knew has ocd. At the time of these screenshots, i specifically requested my friends to block out his usernames so i didn't obsessively compulsively make myself feel sick scrolling through his blogs. (the screenshots in question here are not mine, i own a samsung galaxy, this ui does not match. I added my own annotations to the second image though.) VV his self identification as a proshipper + some stuff he had on his propara blogs (heavy tw)

^^ the first image here is in repsonse to an extremely long and thought out message my friend sent him during this period to this specific blog of his when it still existed.

his response to this was full of lies and empty promises and excuses, and plenty of vapid words he has taken back. i dont see a point in including what he had to say about this purely because he was lying through his teeth.

his twt account was probably the worst thing of his that was shown to me. i do not want to include screenshots of the things he would retweet as they were all sexually explicit imagery and posting of pedophilia, rape, beastiality, severe abuse, loli/shota content, and general dangerous and exploitative philias. i do not want to make that content more reachable to anyone than it already is . this account has been deleted. but i have been given screenshots of him posting his art there. along with the most tame thing i think he posted there. yeah

a lot of the harm he has done to my friends and i is extremely personal, far more personal than i feel comfortable airing out on a public blog that i've worked hard to distance a public personality from. so, i am not willing to spend time slowly outlining every single lie and harmful action he has done. that would make this post impossibly long, and i dont have the stomach to retrigger myself in this way. this has taken me two months to write, as i am deeply bothered by it and this entire event with him made me the sickest i'd been in a long while. do not fucking harass him. block him. im certain he's going to send himself anon asks pretending to be stargloom rabid fans or pretend to be my friends or whatever but all i want is for him to stay the fuck away from me and my friends and spaces where he pretends he isn't into vile shit. block him. dont interact. dont send him anything. just be careful of this cunt . i refuse to let him walk around as if he hasn't happily and enthusiastically promoted the most vile content one can enjoy.

im sure he's gonna scramble after this and probably start spewing revolting shit abt me which hes done at every single turn after me being upset. but he cannot pretend like nothing happened forever. thanks.

#long post #starspeak #jesus christ. now i gotta fucking trigger tag this shit #tw inc*st #tw pedophila mention #tw sh #tw zoophile mention #tw unsanitary #i already said this but DO NOT harass him please just dont interact w this sicko or engage w his work #i know he will send himself anon asks its his favourite game but genuinely. dont do that. thanks #this is rebloggable please do if u can i dont like how he slinks around in the dgr fandom all innocent #tw r4p3 #bruh i cannot keep up w these censored tags #i will probs rb this throughout the week bc i want . this to be known #i am leaving this up because i dont want this to be ignored or forgotten about .

[knocknut]

maybe this vacation was a good idea

#cw abuse #cw child abuse #the more i think on it the more i start to remember #i cant believe id forgotten about this part of my life. its really starting to come back to me #i dont remember the finer details but i am remembering that asshole kid and that he didnt treat me very well #he was very frustrating to be around and i really didnt like him #posting this here because god knows i dont have the energy to send it to each individual server that i want people to see #and im alright with having this be public knowledge. even with the risks that come with it #all i ask is that if you want to ask me anything about this or if you want to know anything at all #please #please please please please PLEASE for the love of god be gentle with me #i literally just found out about this like an hour ago so the shock is still very much fresh #if youre a friend of mine im more likely to trust you but if youre on anon consider your words VERY carefully. very carefully #im thick-skinned when it comes to stuff like this but even now im still a little bit rattled #i think thats all i have to say on this. i love you guys <3 please take care of yourselves

[mueritos]

Hey. Idk if this is me growing up or just being disillusioned with inter celebs etc. Im a 23 yr old trans man so I grew up and was inspired by chella on the YouTube community. But now I just…don’t like chella man anymore. I feel like…he became an industry plant? Over the pandemic asking fans for money to send to him directly to help others and not showing where the money was going exactly incident as well as just becoming older I noticed he seemed to almost want to become the next Keith haring or basquiat? He almost…now seems very fake? He takes deals with brands to be representation but doesn’t do much to call out certain brands for their faults etc.

Idk anymore

I give Chella credit in that he was one of the few transmen that I looked up while I was young, especially with him being BIPOC. Showing him to my family helped them understand me. But that's where the inspiration kinda stops, because it was painful to be surrounded by years-in-transition trans men online when I was absolutely nowhere I wanted to be. That was a me problem tho. But I also didn't know much about his whole donation incident.

Ig heres what I have to say. It's not great to view other people as your justification of your morals. We don't know how people have had to live or how they live now, we don't know what decisions they have to make, and we dont know what kind of fears or goals they have. Chella is allowed to do whatever he wants with his art or his modelling career, just like how I genuinely believe anyone else in the world is capable of making the right decisions for themselves (even if we dont like those decisions!). Im not really concerned with figuring out if hes an industry plant or a "class traitor" (lol) or even if he's "fake". To be honest, I'm all for BIPOC folks getting their $. Does that mean I enjoy seeing wealthy BIPOC folk perpetuate classism and racism? No. Just cuz someone is succeeding for themselves doesn't mean people cant critique them. I guess what Im saying is I see waaay too many people online take the things they enjoy and the people they follow as projections of their morals: "no! stop [Insert celebrity name] you're being problematic and its makes us fans look bad!" Like....Okay lmfao. People are grown adults and are going to make decisions for themselves. Just because you might enjoy a celebrity does not mean your morals are based on how good of a person they are.

and youre allowed to not like the same things anymore just like how people are allowed to change, for better or for worse. I think within online communities there is way too much pressure on "looking" like a good person versus actually being one...because sometimes BEING a good person makes you look absolutely vile in terms of online spaces/communities love of isolating, removing, and deleting "problematic" (and vulnerable) people from their spaces with no trial, discussion, or attempt at conflict mediation. Yea yea I do think people have every right to be criticized just as they have every right to make whatever decision they want, but what Im trying to get at is to really stop viewing anyone with a platform as someone you can other once they dont meet your standards. This is not the same as denouncing or critiquing someone for really egregious behavior (white supremacy, harrassment, bullying, interpersonal violence). Once you kinda start living by your own morals without needing other people's actions/behaviors to justify/define them, you learn to focus on building connections rather than destroying them.

again, this is a much nuanced topic and you prolly werent expecting me to go into this. but ive grown over the years and have engaged in some nasty and vile mob mentality behavior that i just dont vibe with anymore. im not really the kind of person now to speculate online or publicly what other people are doing or should be doing or whether theyre problematic or not. I don't really care about Chella man or most celebrities rn. People r just gonna be people, and I will always have empathy for those of marginalized identities. Free will, autonomy, and self determination goes both ways, but so does accountability, transformative justice, and reconciliation.

but also like kill ur idols lol

#muertoresponds #like yea its fun having people u follow and look up to man #does it take a lot of time to be following celebrities #there would be days i would just check up on all my micro celebrities #now i just dont give a fuck #theyre people im people we're people #we're all gonna change and do bad and do good #i dont like holding myself or anyone anymore to these fucked up online standards of looking like good people #idc idc idc #this was def not the answer u prolly wanted but its where im at and thats what i gotta say #have ur micro celebrities if u want but like yea #people r people #and so are u #critiques r valid but u cant hold anyone accountable unless they consent to be held accountable #like being held accountable means u choose to be part of the accountability process #not make a lil 5 min notes app apology and be forgotten about in a week because people find their next target #yadda yadda yadda #these r my thoughts

[secretlythatsme]

anyway, i think my hot take regarding the whole canon vs fanon thing for the dpxdc fandom is that fanon is fine but it also gets boring. there's a reason why 90% of the dpxdc creative content feels exactly the same. i'm not trying to like,, shit on anyone's work, but so many of these fics are very, very similar in plot and dynamics. and that's a product of the fact that most of the fandom doesn't actually know anything about dc.

if you're relying solely on fandom osmosis to learn about the characters and events, then you end up missing out on a lot. it's not Bad, but it's basically the footnotes. the sparknotes. the starred review compared to the actual book. you aren't getting a lot, is what i'm saying. and that's why so much of the content feels exactly the same! it's because everyone is getting their info from the same decade old jokes. so creative work ends up blending into each other because the creators don't actually have anything else to work with (because they don't Know anything else) so they rely on the same five fanon jokes and headcanons that they do know.

as a dc fan, i Do encourage dpxdc fans to look into dc and read the comics and be more active on the dc side of things, not because fanon is inherently Bad, but because it opens up so many more avenues for creativity. i'd love to see people talk about danny fighting evil vampire nightwing or going on missions with karen or having fun with kara. but most dp fans don't even know characters outside of the most popular 10 and know even less about any of the plots or universes. so like, it's not exactly a surprise that every fic sounds the same. and like. does that not get boring to you guys?

#i'm sorry ik some of this sounds mean but its true aldghk #its not a bad thing but it is a noticeable thing #and im sure there are plenty of dp fans who are still having fun and dont mind this #but im sure there are also some dp fans who'd also like some variety #and that variety could be there! if you guys knew more about dc #there are so many characters! so many universes! so much you can do! #stop fighting about canon vs fanon and have fun with how much dc content there is!! #you don't have to read Everything but it definitely helps to read Some things #you'll get more ideas! more aus! more headcanons! more over the top jokes! #dc has SO much content for you to explore!!! why wouldnt you want to take advantage of that? #like you'll literally never run out of content to explore because there's just So much and they keep making more of it #even old forgotten characters get brought back every now and then #like! have fun with the canon that's there! and you'll be able to have more fun with your fanon!!! #dcxdp #im sorry but i really dont think ill ever be able to understand Why dp fans dont want to engage with canon dc content #its weird to me it truly is and i dont think anyone will change my mind honestly #ive seen all the replies and vague posts about it but it usually just amounts to #'we dont care about canon and we just want to have fun' which like. yeah. sure. but like.. #are you saying you would have Less fun if you knew more about dc? #like.. #if you genuinely like these characters then you would like their runs?? 😭 huh ??? #it doesnt make sense to me! i dont get it! if you like them why would you have less fun reading about them!! #what!! #anyway yeah my hot take is that you should engage with the source material because it actually makes things More fun #why have dp fans convinced themselves that theyll hate dc canon i dont get it #its like reverse stockholm syndrome

[arcaneyouth]

i havent seen a pansexual positivity post that doesn't focus on bisexuality in years.

#im really tired #negative #i miss when i wasnt bi lite. i miss existing in queer spaces. #ive seen posts about characters being PAN SPECIFICALLY PAN THEY ARE PAN and all the replies are like. bi king #i dont want to be bi. im not bi. i know theres functionally no difference but im NOT BI #i just saw a pan positivity post that ended with a bi flag and giving support to bi people #thanks. i feel so loved. and forgotten. #cant even find pan pride shit half the time when im out n about at queer shops #bi inclusionists will go We're equals with pan people i love pan people <3 #and still not fucking call us pan. #because we're just fucking bi i guess. #sorry got so pissed about this i started crying so its getting an angry tags rant post #vent post

[aroacesigma]

.

#ramblings #honestly ive had a really terrible holiday #like summer break is supposed to be good but seeing family wasnt fun like it usually is #the cousin i usually hung out with is an asshole now who didnt even want to talk #so the fun part wasnt fun #i havent seen any of my friends all holidays . i feel like shit and i feel fucking lonely #the only people ive interacted with really are my family and thats horrible because my sister acts like a stereotypical mean girl #ive got no fucking will to leave my room or to fucking eat properly or do just about anything other than sit in my room #and now im about to go back to school . ive accomplished not even close to enough of what ive needed to #ive forgotten everything from math . my tech is probably behind . english should be finished but its not #chemistry is completley half assed #and i know i should be getting up and fixing tht but i cant i fuckign cant do anything #its probably all my fault i have to stop staying up so late im so fucking tired #i dont want to go back to school i dont feel like ive had a break even though ive done nothing all holiday #im so fucking done with this shit #vent #ask to tag #i guess

[tears-of-boredom]

day 3: unnecessarily complex fit

ii gotta be honest, they were originally gonna have two feet but then i couldn't figure out the perspective of their right one so i decided to just not draw it

#im aware that its the 13th but i wanted to draw this prompt.. and im like real happy with how this turned out.. #could not make myself do shadows because what the fuck are light sources even.. #and and i made a silly brush specifically just to use for the texture in this because i thought it would be funny.. #yeah and um dont ask the logic behind the color scheme.. i honestly dont think about that shit ever #i just pick colors and go with the flow. you will NOT catch me practicing color theory.. #and um yeah.. #oh once again i made the smallest things too detailed. so they stand out much more than they're supposed to.. #the nose piercing i was able to dial back. but the choker just is like that. and it stands out way too much.. #also really appriciate that the shorts look alright because i had no fucking clue what was going on there.. #i put off figuring them out for so long that they only made sense once i put the texture on them. which was like one of the last things.. #art #my art #cringetober 2023 #um #digital art #oh and the background was a total accident.. i had filled the characters surroundings with white to make sure none of my notes and shit wer #visible. and id forgotten about it.. so then when i changed the background color. it basically looked like that already. #i just tweaked it a bit.. #tbh im quite glad it happened so because ii struggle with balancing the background between too distracting and a void.. #the colors are so fucked for everyone else probably because ive fucked with my monitors gamma levels a lot #basically overall saturation is supposed to be higher. and mainly the dark green is supposed to be a bit more blue-ish..

[feralattentionwhore]

Once again questioning if I've ever managed to cum before or if it's just me getting really overstimulated instead

#i went off bc because my body way fucking me up and now i feel kinda weird about things #i want to know if being off it will help with my “just keeps bleeding for a month straight” thing #i want to be able to have sex like a normal fucking person so i dont get sub drop after sex like 90% of the time #i was going to do a test to see wtf my hormones are up to but i cant afford it anymore so i guess im fucked #the drs have forgotten to give me an appointment for my ultrasound #its back to my nonsexual domming arc because im scared of having sex again #i don't know what im doing with sex and i just feel bad and useless because my body doesn't cooperate #scared of bleeding again too #i also found out im a test tube baby which really puts things into perspective because i literally wasn't meant to exist #i was forced to exist and im the epitome of a mistake

[munch-mumbles]

ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on

#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other #meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20 #tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are #few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is #get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?' #and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went #on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.) #etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves #like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more #chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already #nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them #up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t #finish my sentence #and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves #so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me #then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear #and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning #during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the #door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh? #and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her #why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking #basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore #cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come #back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open #ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me #GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan #im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just #gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean #im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other #LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!

[chiisana-lion]

years ago got this super cute lilac long skirt that ive never worn since getting it but would really like to if only it werent for the fact id hate to be perceived anything remotely close to femininely. and Especially by my extended family who i just know for a fact are waiting for me to grow out of my "phase" and be able to say "see that? you're acting like a normal girl now"

#i think ive already gotten to a good point in presenting androgynously (and i like it!! its all ive wanted to look like as a kid) #i dont want to be seen as a girl but in the case i do wanna dress more femininely i want it to be on my own terms and have it be a consciou #choice and not just. because thats supposed to be ''normal'' for me #man #its not like my parents care too much anymore at least once ive gotten past middle school but i havent forgotten that time they made me #change out of my more formal shirt and pants that i was so stoked to wear and into a dress i really. really didnt like for my sister's #friend's quinceañera. im not even close to her either she wouldnt have cared if id shown up like that #it was a nice party but god i never want to feel the way i did in that dress again #and here in this country??? god forbid someones visibly queer or somewhat gnc in public the amount of times ppl i walked by tried to ask #That Question of whats in my pants. ugh #duck rants about something

[yuridovewing]

It was so strange to me to read the scene where Snowbush dies cause he's apparently Lilyheart's husband )I think) yet we never see him do anything before he dies. Shouldn't we have seen him interact more with Twigpaw if he was so important to lily?

well as this book asserts over and over with fernsong, a tom interacting with and parenting his children is weird and unusual! so snowbush was probably a deadbeat dad and no one cared! because thats the female's job. /s

actually we don't see his kits react to his death at all, twigpaw only ever talks about lilyheart and iirc doesn't really respond to his death in any unique way. for larksong being a topic in this book, we don't really see him interacting with snowbush and he doesn't seeeeeem to have a unique reaction to snowbush's death, especially not compared to his mother. so the erins might actually have thought that, idk.

#im not trying to be like '''OMG SNOWBUSH IS NEGLECTFUL'' i dont really think that. i just think the authors dont care abt him sdklfjlksdf #its more like it likely just never occurred to the writers that he should interact with his children #..... but also yknow if he was a woman people would raise hell- #although it IS worth pointing out that cloudtail and brightheart arent pointed out as mourning him either #so i think the erins just didnt care and wanted a nobody death #man in my discord server i said this but i compared it to longtails death #imagine if he didnt have an established bond with mousefur and he never really had any relevant history #and barely interacted with anyone especially the main characters- and also the tree didnt kill him immediately he just gets forgotten about #and then a few chapters later they write a weird and uncomfortable death scene where he just keels over #instead of dying in the actual impact which wouldve left an actual impression #i point out longtail bc hes literally mentioned in the chapter like ''wow remember this sad character death? lets make another like it. #but lamer!'' #longtails death worked because he was a known and beloved character and he left behind more loved ones like mousefur #ntm his death was sudden and avoidable but not in a way that feels cheap #with this it feels like they swung the roulette wheel to pick who dies this week

[ectocs]

i will write about my ocs. i will talk about my ocs. i will write with my ocs in google docs even if they go nowhere. i will talk about their backstories. i am not afraid to do any of the above.

#repeating this to myself over and over again #i really do want to talk about my guys with people i just blank on it #like oh yeah heres my ocs with a carefully thought out story and world and -- oh wait you .. you want to see them? #well actually ive forgotten all about them. sorry ! i dont remember anything about them anymore except for their designs. #wheres my jeff sbniffle because thats me rn still #STILL #i objectively drew quite a bit today but its all sketches and shit :// and one drawing of cassian thats now on his TH but frankly #i dont want anyone to see that shit . even if its on his TH #ugh i should talk about skylar/lillian/garrett/andrew or maybe jack/malphas/cassian and their friend dynamics #or my fucking ten trillion warrior cat ocs #MHGMHHGRHMRGRMRG UGH #FUCKING. I NEED TO OR ILL DIE BUT DOING IS SO DIFFICULT!

[confettigraffiti]

I miss talking to my friends genuinely but also I have very much overstayed my welcome everywhere and it's too late (I got VERY annoying near the end + fell out of a major interest which didn't help. my bad yall 😔) I feel like I should remake at this point and just move on but also. move on to what

#goddamn its fucking confetti again #go back #like at this point nobody wants me around because of obvious reasons but also #part of me would rather be distantly known as instead of being completely forgotten 💀 #love my inability to keep up with anyone despite wanting to so bad #either becuase i cant fucking remember or because eventually i either become intensely annoying or intensely boring #im already a fraction of how active as i was like even a year and a half ago. Would it even matter if i remade. Probably not #WORST lesbian dream of my life was dreaming about bayojeanne and having every single positive feeling i felt about them and then waking #and remembering i can never go back to that. I dont even care about bayo 3 anymore i just know i was MAD annoying #and i cant just to it even if i wanted #and then it started making me spiral about everything even unrelated to it #pain. So much pain. Lets take ibuprofen together #ok thinking about it most of everyone probably doesnt even remember me and arent actively annoyed by me so. Maybe thats better #thats probably better #uhrmm thid got long lol sorry i dont really hsve access to a place to talk anymore so i kind of just go here #bc this tumblr is filled with dead followers and so its safer snd less likely it gets seen #not to be dramatic but this must br what dying feels like lol

[tiny-huts]

Look I know that the books said that Idalia's flute plays beautiful music but I don't think at any point they stated or even implied that Artemis knows how to play the flute so idk I'm having fun picturing him just failing to get any sound out of the thing for like an entire night even though I'm sure that that did not happen

#logically it like.. autopilots cause magic item #or he knew how to play it but #Jarlaxle who can play a ton of intrusments like do you want help #artemis the most stubborn person alive #I DONT NEED HELP #anyway this occured to me #because i was like damn its been five books since my guy has shown up #so then i thought about the my heart will go on recorder cover #the forgotten realms #artemis entreri #the legend of drizzt #look I played the flute for a millisecond #and if you dont knoe how to make it make noise #ITS HARD #this is not like a serious criticism im just laughing