#i dont want anyone to see that shit . even if its on his TH

[ectocs]

i will write about my ocs. i will talk about my ocs. i will write with my ocs in google docs even if they go nowhere. i will talk about their backstories. i am not afraid to do any of the above.

#repeating this to myself over and over again #i really do want to talk about my guys with people i just blank on it #like oh yeah heres my ocs with a carefully thought out story and world and -- oh wait you .. you want to see them? #well actually ive forgotten all about them. sorry ! i dont remember anything about them anymore except for their designs. #wheres my jeff sbniffle because thats me rn still #STILL #i objectively drew quite a bit today but its all sketches and shit :// and one drawing of cassian thats now on his TH but frankly #i dont want anyone to see that shit . even if its on his TH #ugh i should talk about skylar/lillian/garrett/andrew or maybe jack/malphas/cassian and their friend dynamics #or my fucking ten trillion warrior cat ocs #MHGMHHGRHMRGRMRG UGH #FUCKING. I NEED TO OR ILL DIE BUT DOING IS SO DIFFICULT!

[austinsastrology8991]

> Saturn ASPECTS < and why you ain't getting the respect you deserve Saturn puts you in shitty cycles/ patterns to make you; by breaking you > and when you inevitably return to these struggles, you'll realise you've mastered his circuits

yes i had break, im back now. so get over it.

Saturn aspecting Sun - loosen up. but everytime you do, something else fucks up. so now your the most rigid person. its hard to have a good time with yall, because you take things so seriously, but damn do you exceed when shit needs to be taken seriously - because your so careful in your movements 🚶‍♂️. they tend to have a habit of stating the obvious then smirking about it, which is so confusing because like we all knew that, but why you acting like you did something? this type of shit is why people struggle to chill around you, but ill ask for your advice about real shit because your obsessed with being an authority and like thats the only way to approach you guys without getting iced by you Saturn aspecting Moon - Stop crying. oh wait i meant to say; start crying. jesus you got some fucked up villainous back story but your stone walling everyone because it hurts too much to even open up to anyone. because i mean whats the point? if everyone is just going to tell you "its going to be okay" when you never feel okay. feels bad man, and you know better than most how bad feels.. man.. so i guess saturn wants you to accept how cruel the world is, and how that affects everyone, so you are more prepared for bad circumstances then most. hardly a positive spin, ik.. but its to prepare you for your future. and you have no idea why you must go through so much pain - but there is a reason, and it will become clear later, so better utilize that energy to your benefit; because its just another one of saturns bitch cycles

Saturn aspecting Mercury - when you speak, people try there best to one up you, but your a master at it by now > passive aggressive, or authoritative - who gives a fuck if you belittle the other person, because i mean if your right, then you right. so better off writing it into reality, rather than watch everyone clown around with the wrong answers. but speaking ths way to others, really does make it hard to talk to you, even if you right, your just a fkn asshole. so honestyl. stop trying to figure out the right answer, and think about whats the right thing to say. stop pretending to be an authoritative speaker if no one even wanna listen to you, and start owning what you say more. Saturn aspecting Venus - joecly flores on repeat. okay i get it. you dont believe in love, because you see it how it is. well. its not actually how it is. youve ruined all your chances of anyone ever gonna love you because you think being all cold and mysterious is attractive (and it can be) but i mean who tf wanna love someone like that. its like riding a bike uphill. i mean i dont wanna do that. like these people are always attractive, but their attitude is so hard to ignore, its like trynna make a spider smile. thats why people reject you more than anythng else. and Ik that your just trying to find the real ones, but guess what, everyone that ever talked to you/ flirted with you, liked you.... oh thats too shallow or optimistic? my bad Saturn aspecting Mars - I never do anythng right ;(((((( well you actually do a lot right, but your always doing too much. your so obssessed with perfection and being a high achever that you've forgotten everything you've achieved becayse your so focused on the next one. if you just reflected on how much you work; in comparison to most, youd realize you are big achiever, and you dont understand reality as well as you think. well okay you do undersatnd reality extremely well (because you try so damn hard lol) but you've lost your sense of self because you still dont think your worth it till you achieve the next thing- hence the cycle of working yo ass off - but hey you'll achieve a lot, you just need to perfect your perfectionistic tendencies -then youll finally be perfect! (get it) Saturn aspecting Jupiter - i think this aspect is one of the coldest. because these people try so hard, but get no where for the majority of their life. till they change perspectives and realize if they try harded else where, they'd get launched into success. i mean the amount of people who are successful - and i mean hugely successful > have this aspect - and everytime it was due to massive luck. however only they could grasp the 'lucky' opportunity, and that initself makes their achievements so much cooler than others. remember its jupiter, so all your 'hardships' inevitably become your greatest 'luck'. the white guy from 'sean of the dead' has this, and look at how much he impacted movies in general... jus saying mad props to that guy and to yall

Saturn aspecting Uranus - okay these guys are outcasted from society hard, due to some bullshit, but when they get recasted back into civilization they become someone who can change society at large- but its gonna take so much work... their perspective has been molded differently to most because they've been alone for so long. they have strange ideas that somehow work into tangible assets. perfect example : eminem - i mean hes basically best case scenario with this aspect, but hey why not try for best case scenario? but then again he made that hamster song... so i mean not always best case scenario... THats the price of neglect you could say lmao. Saturn aspecting Neptune - your imagination is your greatest challenge but also the key to your ultimate glory. like Michael Jordan had this aspect and well he was hella delusional. until he wasnt.... but its hard to say how much this benefited him... because both stages of his life - pre glory - and; glory - he was heavily isolated from everyone, and (likely) suffered in seclusion, by placing so much importance on his dreams. saturn wants you to master the 'spiritual world' i.e. imagination and dreams, and this causes anxiety that their dreams will just be dreams. which is what makes them put so much effort into it becoming real... then they realize the price of it all when its too late. so just make sure your aware of what your manifesting because if anyone can make it, its you. (achieving ur dreams) Saturn aspecting Pluto - how powerless do you feel. you do realize people can see how thirsty you are for respect/power, because they can sense your insecurity from past exepriences, and thats why your easy to play with. but do not worry. you will attain true power with enough effort. not just a bullshit image of power. because you've been pushed into the most vile trials to have ever have existed, and its only so that when you become someone powerful, you utilize your power properly, and do not step on others, because you know damn well how much it hurts to be stepped on. so your power is > saturn. your trials are so intense, and you're basically broken, but things that are broken know how to cut others (like broken glass). and well saturn wants you to master this > pluto > the darkness. and it makes reaching the top so much more palpable, because you'd feel like you earnt it. but you can make others insecure about what youve overcame so you better be humble, or saturn will fuck you. no honour among thieves, and we know you experienced that, but the kings play different, and you gotta adapt or saturn will flatten you.

#astrology #astrology blog #astro community #astrology observations #astrology notes #astrology placements #astrology aspects #saturn aspects #astro observations

[technowoah]

THE ABCs OF JASON TODD (w League of Assassins!reader)

⚠︎:unedited, mentions of violence, swearing????

A for Adorable

Jason finds it adorable when you relax. Its kind of cliche, but you're tense 24/7 so when you relax its like seeing an angel from heaven treat herself. He walked in on you treating yourself to a nice bubble bath with scented candles Stephanie gave you for Christmas and music playing and everything. He made his presence known and left you to your solace.

You find it adorable when he smiles, or laughes. Or when he tries not to smile or laugh. You're blessed to hear his laugh and see his brightness of a smile. He'll restain his smile and finally give in and smile. Makes your day brighter and your heart soar. That little twitch in his lips finally breaks into a smile.

B for Bliss

Jason loves nights with you. Anytime at night no matter if its falling asleep next to you or patrolling at night, late night naked swims at the lake under the moon, dimly lit galas he begrudgingly goes to to only dance and banter with you. You're like the moon to his world he felt like he lived his best moments at night, or in the dark, so he loves to share the dark with someone who lights up his world.

You love that he lets you into his arms and life. His arms are inviting and hes the only one who he lets inside of his arms. Whether is on a rooftop or in your shared apartment watching movies. Your bliss is in his arms with kisses lost between eachother. Even when you dont want to be touched he'll still annoy you with touches. He loves to see you exhausted with his teasing and you secretly love it.

C for Children

Jason dosent think he'll be a great dad. He grew up with a shit mother and father so he believes his expertise would funnel into his own actions. You continue to tell him that he is not the same as his father. And when he continued to berate Bruce for his actions against him and his brothers he thinks that his actions would rub off on him.

Honestly he would never let his children get into vigilante buisness. Even if you both are vigilantes. He protects you with his life and vice versa. If both of you are loose cannons he coulr never deal with 2 or 3 other people.

Hes already stressed enough with hie own work and whenever bruce calls him so he dosent think he'll have time for children.

Jason secretly wants to have kids with you. No matter what your job is vigilante or not. But its ultimately up to you. And I mean when he works his own shit out too.

D for Dangerous

LOA! Reader (Leauge of Assassins)

People think that Jason is the most dangerous one and they are right. You are mostly the calm one but once someone threatened you are Jason's body guard. You lose all compassion for anyone that threatens Jason or you. You both can get terrifying, burning cities for eachother, Bruce's no-killing rule has nothing on you two.

Being apart of something so sinister, both of you have no filter.

Jason's enemies are hesitant about laying a finger on you. Knowing all hell would break loose with

When Jason gets hurt, you see red, crimson. You always makes sure to make the people who hurt him pay. You becomes the worst version of yourself, you hate that version of yourself but it just comes out and you actions start to give you quite a reputation of being downright cruel when Jason gets hurt.

Jason snaps when he sees you hurt, guns already in his hands. He knows she can protect herself, knows she can kill him with a flick of her hand, but he doesn't care. He doesn't want to see you hurt, he wants you happy and healthy by his side and he'll take a whole town down if he has to.

E for Everything

(You're My Everything - The Temptations)

That is Jason's favorite song. He had heard that song been played by you when you were both cleaning up the house. The first time he heard the song, he didn't think too much about it until the 3rd time he heard it from your playlist. Now oncr he heard the lyrics he is 1000% sure if you two get married he will play that for yall first dance.

Anytime he plays that song you know thats his way of saying what he never could. That's his way of being vulnerable. Those nights where you both are swaying on the fire escape to this song. When he claims to be "practicing for when he gets dragged to Bruce's galas" you know he means "I wanna spend time with you cause I love you"

When my way was dark and troubles were near

Your love provided the light so I couldn't see, girl

Just knowing your love was near when times were bad

Kept the world from closing in on me, girl

I was blessed the day I found you, gonna build my whole world around you

You're ev'rything good, girl and you're all that matters to me

F for Forbidden

Jason didn't want you around him at all. His job was dangerous and didn't want you to get kidnapped or killed. He never wanted you around his apartment, his brothers, or even around him when he had his mask off. But slowly he found himself following you at night just keeping an eye on you making sure you're not in any danger and sooner or later he let down his walls and surprisingly, to him, you accepted him scars and all.

(LOA! Reader)

You were both killers, it wasnt meant to be and the Wayne family had their ups and downs with the Leauge so Jason Todd and a warriors from the Leauge of Assassins wasnt so much of a shock. Its Jason Todd. And you were already breaking free of the Leauge already so to rebels coming together to unite and fight crime wasn't normal, but wasn't a shock.

Honestly your relationship in the beginning was filled with other people doubting you, but you both proved them wrong.

G for Grace

(LOA! Reader cause I love them sm)

He loves seeing you in your traditional clothing, he had to wear them one time, but you look like a true queen in them.

You walk with your head held up high, and every step is precise. You walk and act with a grace that he loves to see. Every move is calculated, like the warrior you are.

Jason loves to see both sides of you. Your fighting, dominant side and your calm, loving vulnerable side. The good and the bad, hes so lucky

You loves to see him with a gun in his hand. You how he could go from a loving devoted boyfriend to Red Hood. Every move is done with calculative intent. You love the way he moves when he fights.

You're so happy that you can see both sides of him, the good and the bad.

H for Home

Jason is your home and you are Jason's home. Home is wherever the other person is no matter where. Simple as that. Jason didn't need to go back to the manor when he had you in his arms. This home he made with you had to be the best one he has had in a while. Loving, caring, trust filled home.

I for Impression

Jason isnt the best at first impressions. But he can read a person at first glance. All the detective work he indulged in. He couldn't say he loved you at first sight but he was definitely intrigued by you. Wanting to know more and more. Either fate was working for him this time or he just did it himself.

You knew Jason was a hunk. His muscles moving as he walked, the shirt that was just a little bit too tight, his hair, his walk, his gaze, you wanted more of him. To know what he was like, how he lived, what his personality was. You wanted more. And he did too.

J for Jealousy

Normally people think you would be the most jealous of the two of you, but Jason dominates that field.

He cant stand to see other people look at you like an object. Makes his teeth clench and a vein pop you would think he was gonna pass out from turning red. He hates it when people come up and flirt with you when you're clearly not interested, and if they dare touch you pray for them.

You like how jealous he gets cause the sex is so much better. He's usually rough, but now he's all fired up and 10x rougher.

Jason remember vividly you almost broke a girls hand because she reached up to grab his white streak. Jason couldn't pull you off the girl, I mean he wasn't gonna try to anways. It was hot to him

Kisses

Jason always makes kisses so enticing. Kissing him everytime give you butterflies like your first kiss with eachother. Pecks, makeouts, neck kisses, hand kisses leaving you wanting a imprint of his kisses on you. He loves giving you hickeys and biting you making sure you leave satisfied, you cant have him kissing you all the time so that would do.

J loves kissing you as much as you do him. Spending the morning with slow kisses is the best way to start the morning making him want to stay inside with you. His favorite pastime is kissing you on the forehead, as a way of saying "i love you" or "i got you"

L for Love

There had not been an official "I love you" but if you can remember correctly you said it first. Jason had never been in love before to feel love, this feeling was new to him. He was caught by surprise when you said it, he was in love with you yeah, but he didn't say it yet saying it outloud was foreign like another language. He loves you and you love him he knows that but he needs constant reassurance. Tell him you love him often because he cant love himself some days.

M for Memory

(Loa!reader maybe????)

Jason and you had found this secret place, this place with a lake and a waterfall, you both knew it wasnt in Gotham, but you two travel there all of the time. No bathing suits just you two enjoying the quietness in the dark, the moon and stars, and the extra lights you both brung, lighting up the water as you both swam through. No words had to be said, just light touches, kisses. Memory like this keep coming and going just them together and their love.

N for Nonchalant

He tried to be nonchalant with you he really did, but it didn't work. Anything you did would gain a reaction out of him. He was the nonchalant bad boy of the Waynes but with you he couldn't put up that front. He tried, but now he wouldn't allow himself to. He tried to be flirty you would match his energy and catch him off gaurd. His favorite thing is to do when no one is looking is to kiss your temples until you laugh, he couldn't keep up his stone cold persona around you as much as he tried. He couldn't

O for Overwhelming

Once out of the Lazarus pit Jason was not loved, he couldn't accept any love given to him either. Even when Bruce continued to love him despite his killing streak hr could never accept that someone as torn and broken as him was able to be loved.

When Jason gound you and you gave him as much love in your hear as you could, he as overwhelmed. Going back and forth with himself if he should run away, or stay because he loved you as much or arguably even more than you.

Somedays he teared up to himself as his mind raced between the people he killed, the mistakes he made, and how you loved him unconditionally made him wanna bawl. He dosent deserve this, or does he.

His heart ached. But with love nevertheless

P for Possessiveness

(Loa!reader 🤭)

His insecurities had slowly dissappeared as he spent more of his time with you. He devoted his life to you as you do him and your country.

He was very possessive of you, and you are possessive of him as well.

If looks could kill you have killed over 5 other people. Hating the thought of someone else getting his bear hugs, his kisses, his body, his mind, his ups and downs, makes your skin crawl. He already knows you would stand up against his own family for him (because you already have, putting a sword against Bruce's neck multiple times) he knows you would burn the world in a heart beat.

Meanwhile he has killed for you, even when you havent known. Anyone who hurts you physically as apart of their job, he doesn't care what happens to them. He hates the idea of other people seeing your laugh, seeing your intimate side where you open up to him. His skin crawls when he knows that you could find so much better than him, but you stick by his side and he does you. Loving you to the afterlife where you will meet again.

Who doesn't want a badass warrior by their side?

Q for Quiet

He used to love the quiet and you did as well. You two were seperated before you two met and now you both cant get enough of eachother. You both hate being away from eachother, but you both have duties, but when you two are together the room is filled with lively talk, sounds of kissing, music, something always to fill the silence. Yeah call yall clingy, cause yall are, and hes proud of it. He'll wait till you get home, but to fill the silence he'll play your favorite song until you come to fill the silence once again.

R for Realization

(Loa!reader cause I said so 😌)

Jason realized he loved you when it was a rainy day. He took you out on his motorcycle during the rain without helmets, your laugh and rain ringing in his ears is peaceful. He also realized he loved you when you two met again. Sneaking away together because of the Leauges track on you and Bruce's disdain for the Leauge. He called you Romeo and Juliet with a hint of Bonnie and Clyde.

You loved him on the same day, the freedom you both felt believed that you both can be together you can both be loved. He loved you, and you loved him. It felt like the brightest of lights clicked in your minds. It was beautiful you loved. You were loved. He loved. And he was loved.

S for Sunset

The sun was orange. Orange is the color of unity. The both of you were sitting on the fire escape of his apartment. The orange waves blanketed over the both of you. Both of you unified under the sun. Complete and calm after a hard days work the orange completes the day, making you both see the beauty of that day no matter how hard or deadly it was, you both were alive and in that you both sent a silent "I love you" that glowed in the orange of the sunset.

T for Traitor

(LOA!reader)

He wasnt able to see you, and you weren't able to see him. Months and months without physical touch or sight. The Leauge was more strict with your freedom you had priorities, they didn't want you to love Jason. Especially Jason. The bat family didnt have the best umm....reputation with the Leauge of Assassins. But once you and Jason got together the Leauge called you a traitor at first you had to fight, but Jason fought by your side. The bat family wanted Jason to be happy, but they were still cautious. He stayed by your side. The Leauge kept you at your high rankings even though some did not approve of your relationship waiting for an "I told you so" moment, but that would not happen.

U for United

The world could not be against Jason anymore. He died, came back to life, tha5 couldn't be enough could it. The world tried and tried again to take you from him. Many times they tried and every time they failed. He wouldn't let you go and you would let him go. One day he wouldn't leave your side during a gala because he knew there was an evil presence.

Communication is a huge thing, no matter how big the fight is Jason wants to talk it out, he wants to fix things with you, find a solution together. He also made a pact with himself to make sure youre happy, and his forever. He wanted to make sure your relationship lasted the longest. When the topic of marriage came up he was happy, he didn't care if it was official or not, he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with you marrige or not, but he will happily marry you in a heartbeat.

He already has a ring for his soulmate, his backbone, his lifeline, his support, his lover.

V for Vampire

Biting. Jason loves when you bite him and he calls you his little vampire. You love making marks on his skin, claiming him to be yours and after those moments you love to stand back and look at the artwork you've created on his body, while wears them like a medal.

Bruce stopped over while he wask taking a shirtless nap. When Jason opened the door Bruce couldn't stop looking at the hickeys all over his chest. It wasn't embarrassing to him at all.

Jason loves biting you as much as you love biting him, hes a giver after all but Imma get into that in the next letter

W for Worship

Like I said before Jason loves giving 10x more than what you give him. He lobes your body, your mind, and soul. He worships the ground you walk on. The top of your head to the soles of your feet. You loved making him feel loved as well worshipping his body and mind by touches, kisses, licks, and appreciating, listening to his mind.

Making sure you feel loved and appreciated is his life's job. You are his priority and if you dont feel like it then he believes hes doing a bad job. But you always assure him that if he was you would tell him.

You made it your mission to make him realize that it wasn’t just him worshiping your body, but that you worshiped him as well. That he was just as important as you are to him, and that you cherished him.

X for X-ray

Yall hearts grow so much bigger for eachother. Hearts aching for eachother when you both are apart, you know that feeling of "I dont deserve this" and it feels like your heart is heavy. Thats how your hearts feel. Glowing and full of love for eachother. Beating for eachother.

Y for Yours

Will you marry me?

Will you...do me the honor - fuck

I would be the happiest man alive...

He couldn't get it right jesus christ. No matter how hard he tried how would this broken man staring at the mirror get you to take his hand in marriage.

"Love what are you doing?" You came into the room and he immediately shoved the ring into his pants pocket.

"Nothing." He murmured but you immediately knew so you walked over and wrapped your arms around him and he did the same to you.

"I love you Jason. I hope you know that."

"I love you too."

He could go a lifetime without proposing. It didn't matter. He loved you no matter what. Married or not.

"you still wanna get married one day?" He asked cautiously.

"It would be nice. Theres no rush. As long as I have you forever I'm fine." You smiled up at him and he couldn't be happier.

Z for idfk what to put here

"Jason"

"Yes beloved"

"I love you"

you mean so much to me, I love the way you talk, your mind, and the love you give me. You are not broken, you are loved by your family and me Jason. I love you now and your history. I dont care what you did before all I care is what you are to me now. Jason I know you would never hurt me, i love you more than you love yourself. You are my everyday, my everything.

"I love you too"

You are the love of my life. I need you around me you are the light of my life, the sunshine to my darkest days and my guardian angel. You are the best thing to happen to me and I thank the heavens everyday for you being in my life. You are the sun to my moon lighting me up each night. Thank you my love for believing in me. Thank you for loving me and in return I give you my life, me soul, my love

#jason todd angst #jason todd headcanon #jason todd x you #jason todd reader #jason todd x reader #jason todd x oc #dc x gender neutral reader #dc x reader #batboys request #batboys x you #jason todd x gender neutral reader #jason todd x y/n #jason todd imagine #jason todd blurb #dc headcanon #batboys x reader #batboys x y/n #batboys headcanons #batboys

[celestialspecial]

In Cold Blood (Pt. 2)

Warnings: Dub con, knife play, blood, smut/p in v-do i even need to say its 18+ (also dont do it with serial killers irl....you know this)

The pounding relentless beat of the club echoed out onto the pavement. The sidewalk under your feet seemed to shake with each new bass drop, lights from the floor to ceiling windows washed along the crowd waiting in line.

You stood single file, all asses and elbows waiting to get to the front velvet ropes. Your nerves were frayed, the last few weeks had been leading you up to this moment. 

Once you had a photo of the killer with his mask it was easier than before to find snippets of him on local cctv camera footage. His steps were more traceable but you still didn’t know his motive. 

The more you learned the less it made sense. 

You'd tracked his wanderings for over a month now, the trail had gone cold but you had it on good authority he'd be here tonight. The Killer, looking for his next victim.

With some intense persuasion your team had allowed you to go under cover and act as bait to draw out the madman. Your skimpy dress and overall look blended you into the background of the crowd waiting in line.

You looked like you deserved to be there. Were meant to be there.

After god knows how long of waiting in line you finally were able to escape the chilly outdoors and feel the intense heat of the ravenous club before you.

Bright lights pooled the dance floor and if you had thought the outside was crowded this was even worse. How anyone managed to dance was beyond you but that wasn't why you were here.

Making your way to the bar in hopes of escaping the intense smells and rhythmic dancing to clear your head. A buzz from your phone got your attention.

One of your colleagues.

"He's there." Your heart beat increased its pace. Eyes darting around the mass of gyrating people but you couldn't see shit. Everyone was moving so erratically, it would be impossible to find him.

After a moments pause you wondered if maybe this was a wash and to call for backup and corner the bastard wherever he was here instead of coercing him to follow you somewhere private where an arrest could be made.

At that your phone buzzed again. What the fuck did they want?

Only this time it was a call. From an unknown number. He was here.

"Hello?"

"Detective. You look mouthwatering tonight." You gulped in response suddenly realizing this might be a bad idea but taking a shot from the bartender strengthened your resolve.

"Do I?"

"Oh yes. Have you come here to arrest me, Detective? Looking like that?"

"Maybe I came here for other things."

A long pause on the other end had you believing he had hung up until you heard a brief inhale on the end of the line.

"Is that so?"

"Will you turn me down?"

This was very dangerous. You were being reckless with your safety but if it drew him out and you had a chance to throw this sucker away for life you'd take it.

"Never."

"Then come get me."

"No... I think you need to find me first. Hasn't that always been your goal? To find me."

You cursed under your breath. Of course he wasn't going to make this easy for you. Why had you been so stupid.

"I don't know if you know this but you picked the most crowded club in the city tonight."

"Don't worry. I'll give you hints. But I can tell you right now you're very cold."

You stepped away from the bar and turned left.

"Warmer."

You considered that when you caught him you'd just kill him and say it had been an accident. And yet a sick and twisted part of you felt a thrill you couldn't explain.

And honestly were afraid to examine further.

Another few twists and turns to the tune of, "Warmer" and "you're getting colder." Lead you to a bustling staircase that took you up to the balcony overlooking the entire club.

Masses of people swarmed around you and at some points it was hard to even hear the phone if he had said anything at all.

You reached a hallway that was suspiciously empty. Lines of velvet padded doors with brass buttons on their exterior beckoned you forward.

“You’re getting warmer, Detective.”

Your hand twitched, trying not to rest on your concealed weapon.

“Warmer.

You'd made it halfway down the hall when you decided this was enough and it was time for backup. Your left heel stuck in place before you were about to turn tail and run.

“You’re burning up.” 

 A large hand snaked around your waist pulling you away from the door you had been looking at wearily. Then it all went black.

You came to, eyes blearily blinking in the low light. A deep red hue filled the room, curtains of lush fabric draped the ceiling, hanging askew and clinging to matching red sofas.

A black crystal chandelier hung above your head. The pounding of the music from the club could still be heard, the bass vibrating the surface you were on. 

Stuck on. No, strapped to.

You wiggled your wrists realizing they were handcuffed to the table beneath your body. Your senses started to come to you faster as your breathing increased with each panicked heartbeat.

Your ankles were tied down as well, a chain clanging against the surface. The sound blunted by the space. 

“Help!” You shouted, screaming as loud as you could. “Somebody?! Anybody!”

“They can’t hear you.” That voice. You’d heard it before. So many times before, but this time it wasn’t distorted by a device. No scrambling or altered sound. Deep, even more attractive than you’d thought.

If you didn’t know better you’d say it was almost warm, inviting. Like a lamb to slaughter, that’s how you felt. A wolf in sheep’s clothing and you were falling for it.

It was nearly impossible to lift your head fully to look upon your captor. Out of the shadows in the corner stood a man, tall, lean, leather jacket scuffed and torn and the mask. You recognized that.

He toyed with a large silver knife, pressing the point into the pad of his thumb, mask downturned as he examined the large weapon before you.

Turning back to look at you he traced the knife along the padded velvet walls. Cocking his head towards them as he approached where you lay.

“These walls are solid thick. The padding also helps block out the noise.” You couldn’t see his face but his eyes…they were black and they caught the red light just right and they almost-glimmered. 

When he spoke next you could hear the smirk on his lips. 

“Perfect place for screaming…of all kinds.” Your eyes closed, brows drawn together, a shaky rasp escaping your lips.

“You’re going to kill me.”

His head tilted to the side, taking you in, probably in more ways than you realized. Moving closer to you, the glimmering buck knife scraping against the wood of the table. You could feel your pulse racing in your neck, knees wobbling.

Once he’d approached your side, cracked white mask looking over you he lifted the glinting blade. You watched with wide eyes as the edge came down as he drew lines over your exposed flesh.

“Now why would I do that?” Cool metal bit into the side of your thigh, not enough to draw blood but enough to have you gasp at the pressure. His bottomless eyes darted to your face at the sound.

You didn’t need to see his face to know he was smiling. Captivated by you writhing on the table before him. Setting the knife down to rest on the center of your torso the man before you removed one of his gloves.

Flesh met flesh as he placed his large hand on your inner thigh, the rough pads of his fingers pressing into your heated skin. His skin felt warm against your leg, you’d waited for it to feel cold, clammy but it was neither of those things.

“I’ve watched you for so long, Detective. Been wanting to feel how soft your skin is for far too long.” 

You wanted to fight it but you couldn’t help your poor body giving in to his caresses. Each stroke against your knee, shin, then moving back up to rest so close to your center. 

You tasted blood from how hard you’d bit your lower lip. Dying to not moan, to not let him know you were enjoying this. But he knew. Dammit he knew. 

“You knew I’d take the bait. And I did. Because you KNOW me. And I know you.” 

“You don’t know me.” You spit out, you tugged against your constraints to drive home your point. 

“I know you’re enjoying this.” 

“And how do you figure that?” 

“Because I am.” Fuck him. That’s all you could think. All you wanted but didn’t dare admit. He was a psycho…and maybe you were too for wanting him this badly. 

He retrieved his knife, this time letting it settle between your thighs, the tip catching on the string of your underwear. You could feel the blade against your skin and you did your best to breathe in shallow gulps.

His wrist flicked and what little pathetic swatch of fabric you’d had on under your dress was done for. An elastic snapping noise, a sting as it smacked against your skin and then he moved back a foot.

Pulling with him the knife and your underwear torn and tattered stuck to the tip of the blade. He held up the weapon and its new bundle of fabric to examine it, fingering the underwear with his free hand.

“Detective. These appear to be wet.” 

If you’d had your gun you would’ve shot him. Or you’d like to think you would in this moment. Anything to get out of this situation. Scorching heat seared across your face, you could feel it beading up on the back of your neck as well.

He leaned forward, bracing his hands against the table, fingers brushing against your sides in the process. 

“Care to explain?” His head gestured to the sad excuse for underwear left. 

“Fuck you!”

“Soon, but not yet.” His gloveless hand resumed its place on your inner thigh but this time his fingers dared higher. You could feel him part you and drag a long finger up your center, dipping in before pulling his hand back to inspect.

You wanted to cross your legs, anything to prevent you from wanting more. The noises that had scratched at the back of your throat  as you felt him briefly inside you, were scrambling to escape. 

His fingers were coated in your wetness, masked face exploring your own, gauging your reaction. Then he slipped those same fingers under his mask, a sucking noise could be heard and his eyes rolled back.

“You taste just as I imagined.” Your eyes met his, instead of looking away you kept your focus. Challenging him. He wanted to play games, so could you. 

Maybe he was right, maybe you two did have some connection because as your eyes remained locked with his you could feel the static energy in the room shift around you. 

“What else have you imagined?” 

The hand of his that held the knife lifted again, the lip of the blade coaxing under the hem of your dress. The tip poking through the satin fabric, slicing as it moved upwards. 

Cool air rushed over your heated skin, the fabric falling away. You carefully watched the knife as it made its way across your stomach, towards your chest and finally reaching your neckline.

The stitches popping as the dress shredded away, two useless swath's of fabric toppling to the floor. Exposing your remaining lingerie that you had carefully selected for the night, something that would fit nicely under your dress.

He let out a low whistle from under his mask. Taking the knife and quirking it underneath a loose bow on your black lace bustier. Untying the ribbon as he twisted the knife expertly.

“Detective. Is this all for me?” 

“Untie me and find out.” At that he chuckled, plucking another seam with the blades tip.

“You’re very clever, but not that clever.” 

He tapped your cheek with the flat side of his knife, wiggling his finger in a childlike admonishment as he moved to the end of the table. Standing between your legs that were still strapped down.

You watched as he slipped the knife into his back pocket, removing his other glove somewhere in the process. 

The way he watched you as he moved. Those depthless eyes examining every inch of your body. How they shone a little brighter as his gaze landed on your exposed lower half.

He lowered himself onto his elbows but not before clutching your hips and tugging you further down the table towards him. You grunted at the tightness overwhelming your bound wrists, scraping against the metal handcuffs.

Then you felt his mouth against you. Crying out at the feel of his lips sucking against you. Lapping up your juices and teasing the sensitive flesh there. 

Your eyes squeezed shut, panting, then moaning. His evil mouth coaxing every new noise from your body. Trying to look down and see him but the mask sat on top of his head still blocking your view.

That tightness and aching sensation started to gather in your center, feeling yourself getting close to the edge. Your moans grew louder, sparks flared behind your eyes and then with an extra savory sucking sensation you were tumbling over the edge.

You screamed, pulling against your handcuffs, hips lifting off the table to meet his mouth more readily and from the way the floor and walls pulsed and pounded around you, you knew he was right.

No one could hear you.

The ecstasy washed through you, draining your remaining fight down to nothing. You didn’t even notice that he had stood up and knelt by where your head rested.

“Next time scream my name.” 

“That’s a little hard since I don’t know it.” You managed through gasps of air.

You could feel him moving beside you before you turned to come face to face with that taunting white mask. You instead focused on his eyes beneath the plastic exterior.

Every nerve ending came alive as you watched his large hands coming up and unclasping the fasten behind his mask. The cold façade fell away and you felt pin pricks of both dread and wonder overtake you.

The masked killer-unmasked.

And remarkably, if not tragically, handsome beyond your comprehension.

Those same dark eyes that gobbled up any light in the room, curtained by long strands of dark hair. Mussed from the mask, and his previous explorations of your body.

A small mole rested under one eye, well shaped nose and perfectly carved smile adorned by pink lips. His jaw was severe but softened by the rest of his features when he smiled.

It set your whole being on edge. Looking at him, the man you'd been talking to for months. Who'd been taunting you at every turn.

Who'd killed people.

"Do you prefer the mask, Detective?"

You swallowed thickly at the insinuated repercussions of having seen his face. Knowing you could pick him out of a lineup easily. You'd never be able to forget that face.

Terminally Handsome.

He smirked at you, as if reading your thoughts. Grip tightening on the knife and drawing it in lazy circles and arcs over your skin once more.

Pressing deeply just under your ribcage, a rivulet of blood being drawn to the surface as you sucked in a ragged gasp.

The pain mixed with excitement as you felt yourself dampen again just watching him.

"Let's remove this, shall we?" He nodded to your bustier that was beginning to feel very tight and hot against your body.

You felt the blade slip under the center point where it laced up corset style and watched as each ribbon gave way to the sharpened metal slicing its way upwards.

You felt like your chest could finally expand and take in oxygen once he reached forward tearing the offending fabric away from you. It even took your hazy brain to register that now you lay completely exposed to the monster before you.

Monster...or man. You couldn't decide at the moment.

The blade tip circled one nipple then the other, your body betrayed you in every sense of the word as you groaned at the cool sensation. The tight bud responding eagerly to his ministrations.

There was no mask hiding his expressions now. Amusement and darkening shadows of lust.

"I can tell you're enjoying this as much as me." He leaned in close and whispered, licking the shell of your ear. Then placing a heated kiss to your neck before working his way downard.

Taking your nipple into his hot mouth and sucking enough for your eyes to roll back and hips rise up in need. He then turned his attention to the other breast. Tongue stroking you as you felt the knife pressed to the other side keeping you in place.

"Please." You wanted to cringe away from how helpless you felt as the word escaped your lips. Not helpless asking to be let go, but helpless-begging for more.

At that the gorgeous man above you's eyes rose to catch your powerless gaze. You knew this entire time, for months, you'd never been the one in charge. It had always been him. And you fell for it- hook, line and sinker.

"Billy."

"How do I know that's not a fake name?" You ventured, crying out when his mouth tortured you again.

"Does it matter?" No. Nothing mattered at this moment. Your world had shrunk and it was just you and him. You and Billy.

"No. It doesn't." He seemed to like that. Continuing his assault on your body until you couldn't tell where your body ended and his began.

Dizzy from pleasure and wanting, no, needing more. You could feel his arousal pressed into your thigh as he hovered over you kissing and marking up your shoulder.

"Billy I-"

"Shhhhh." The cool press of the blade against your lips. "I know."

And damn him, he did. You couldn't control how your body reacted as you watched him slowly unbuckle his belt, black pants dropping to the floor around his ankles.

His pupils blown wide, moving towards you, no longer a man. A killer stalking his prey. He moved in near silence until he was hovering over you.

His lips were on yours again, demanding, controlling, guiding every movement and you followed him like a lost puppy. Biting his bottom lip before he could pull away, drawing a drop of blood to fall between you two.

He pulled back, fingers tentatively touching the small wound. The look he gave you next was feral. No humanity left in it. Only terrible delight and amusement.

You felt him pressing at your entrance, hot and hard. Your knees fell apart further and you heard him chuckle into your chest as he drove home.

It was truly criminal how good it felt, how right it felt. You were turned on and disgusted by yourself all at once, but soon that little voice telling you to hold back was drowned out by each push of his hips against yours.

You wanted to hold onto him, to run your fingers through his hair to claw at his back but all your wrists could do was press against the metal holding you back. Bruises rubbing into your skin.

He struck something deep inside you and you muffled a cry into his shoulder. Building higher and higher, soaring above you body with each movement.

You could feel him getting closer too, a shift of his hips catching just the right angle and your toes curled.

"Scream for me, Detective. Like you've been wanting to all these months."

His pace picked up, Billy groaning and the sounds of your bodies coming together again and again and again.

Your body couldn't take it anymore, fucked into oblivion. Your body clenched then released, fireworks filling your vision and spikes of pleasure drove through ever cell of your body.

"Billy!" You screamed as loud as you could, the clanging of your wrists and feet fighting their confines as your back arched into him.

At the sound of you coming again he drove in deeper than he had before and followed you over the precipice. Groaning loud as his fingers dug into your hips.

He whispered your name into your ear as he came, punctuating it with a final crush of hip hips against yours. The sound of your full name on his lips made your head hazy.

You felt a sharp prick on your side and the room around you began to swim. You could feel his fingers caressing the side of your face.

"This has been very nice Detective. I look forward to doing it again sometime." He placed a passionate kiss to your lips before giving you a soft almost tender kiss to your forehead. "Sweet Dreams." Then the room went dark.

You didn't know how long it'd been but you blinked eyes squinting at the bright light overhead. You were in a hospital, sounds of people milling about made you turn your head to the side.

"Detective!" On of your colleagues exclaimed, jumping up from her seat. " You're awake!"

"What happened?"

"We found you in the club...Tied to a table. But wearing different clothing than you'd been wearing before going inside." she gulped. "We saw the torn fragments of dress though."

So he'd been a gentleman and dressed you before leaving.

"Have you found him?" Her eyes fell to her clasped hands before shaking her head.

"No not yet but we will." Her phone beeped and she gave a baleful smile before pausing to walk out and take the call.

When you turned over onto your other side on the side table you noticed a large bouquet of flowers. A note placed in the center with a heart drawn on it.

You scrambled to open the card.

"Thank you for the amazing night, Detective. Until next time."

#billy russo #ben barnes #the punisher #billy russo x reader #billy russo x female reader #billy russo fanfic #the punisher fanfiction #ben barnes character #the punisher au #frank castle #billy russo x y/n #serialkiller!billyrusso #detective!reader #billy russo the punisher #billy russo edit #billy russo halloween #halloween fanfic

[bearhugsandshrugs]

Hello im coming to hit you with some small tidbits and also my own little thoughts ive had with my own durge because of it :D (this got long because adhd go brr; tldr, you can totally play durge as a weapon without real autonomy due to Bhaal and his possessing of the Durge, and i went all in on that and also the Pining TM) One thing that Sceleritas will apparently tell you (and I believe I read this elsewhere on tumblr) was that the most awful thing he ever saw you do was (checks notes) give gold to a beggar. There's also times with the durge where, when dealing with like, sweet things, they feel physically sick at the sweetness of it/the person/their own actions? And its implied that that feeling comes from Bhaal, and it almost feels like Bhaal is essentially sneering at the act in your blood and its like an intrusive thought that the durge has to push away and push through if you lean less Murder Hobo with them. Theres an especially good example in the Grove with Arabela when you can potentially send the kid to her death or you can push through that thought and instead focus on saving her and the narrator describes it as you taking a breath and willing the thoughts away to retain some clarity. Combined with the fact that the durge often has like,,,, detox symptoms? And can outright state when talking to Sarevok if you become an Unholy Assassin and play their little game and be a good Bhaalspawn, that you wished Bhaal trusted you enough to not possess you and use you against your will, so the game even leaves room for a Durge to turn against Bhaal, not even out of morality or inherent goodness, which can also 100% be played up and played into, but rather out of an autonomy issue, that sure, maybe they are a murderer, but at least now itll be 100% their choice who and when and how, and not a thing that literally overtakes them and possesses them Exorcist style minus the pea soup! When I played my Durge who was made specifically with Gortash in mind, Miri, she was actively walking backward on her history- blending in with the cult in Moonrise, trying to find notes and letters and talking to anyone who might've known her before to see what was up. But i never actually leaned into being a Bhaalspawn, I actually played her pragmatically. She was a bit of an ice queen and could be cruel, cold, callous but she was ultimately a strategist. But its that call to her history - not Bhaal but just,,,, knowing who she was, finding her identity that was so cruelly stolen from her, however messy and horrific it, she, mightve been, and then with Gortash, that turns up to 11 because "holy shit theres been a little hole inside me until i finally made my way back here, back to you, and you knew me, holy shit i feel like i know you, i feel like i trust you and i feel like you're the first person i dont want to have to kill, oh no you were important somehow before but how?" which turns into "Am I too different now? Is too much of me gone for you to feel whatever you might've felt, the feeling that is tugging at me too?" and the answer is no, because its still her and it was never just about being a bhaalspawn; she admired and respected him and it was the same back; two abused, lost, cruel people, who found one person they didnt want to be like that with, didnt *need* to be like that with, because they accepted one another (and also also the way Gortash is like huh im surprised you turned on bhaal but now the power we obtain will be ours and you wont even have a god in the mix so that means all the more power to you and you alone <3) Anyways i think im actually in love with this stupid man and gortash with an OC, tav or durge, is my Roman Empire

aww thanks for sharing! I think my biggest “issue” with Durgetash is the whole reveling in being bad together, mostly brought on by Durge (?). Personally (like yay for anyone who finds that appealing) I find being a cruel, manipulative, murdering power couple to be boring. It’s always easier to be evil than good. The world isn’t inherently fair. it comes with the territory.

It’s why Gortash is the most interesting to me when he offers a Tav a coalition. He seems gray with his morals, pragmatic, not picky about what gives him the control he so desperately craves. Durge (in most portrayals, but I’m really thankful for your version, which I thinks is very interesting) is often portrayed as someone reveling in the murder and all the bad. This whole heehee-haha we’ll murder the world vibe for a pre-tadpole Durgetash is just… I don’t connect to a character who had no redeeming backstory other than a sudden bout of amnesia?

But it seems like the portrayals I’ve seen of Durge so far have been more caricatures, more exaggerated, and that’s okay (again not trying to judge, it’s just my personal preference). If there could be a version of Durge that always struggled with the murder? Who didn’t eat people because that’s their thing? Who didn’t fuck corpses because they were into it?

Yeah. I can work with that. That’s a story of breaking free, of redemption and reinvention. Yes, I like that.

#enver gortash #durge #durgetash #gortash asks #technically a durge ask but alas #silverhand-hoe asks

[pro-crastinate17]

hello this will be a reaction to black friday starkid because i like to talk about the things i like

(it ended up only being act 1 bc it got super long lol)

ths is only my third time watching it and the first time was like. 2 years ago (the second time was only a few months ago but i didnt absorb enough or write this so here we go again)

will be VERY long btw

in the jingle when angelas sniggle says "we're the sniggles! don't be scared!" she winks when she says dont be scared. this is. foreshadowing :thumbsup:

never getting over "hes deep down in drowsy town, sleepng the dreamless sleep of the dead!"

also JAMES TOLBERT!!!!! his VOICE im so <3 [heart]

also oh my god im reading WAY too far into this but. "hes riding santas sleigh cause hes friends with all the elves" wigglys main allies are uncle wiley and linda monroe, who are played by joey and lauren, who both play elves in santa claus is going to high school!!!

OUGH i love the announcer whose voice is that?? it is reminiscent of big bill hells lol

"i wanted a salad, but now i have a child" never gets old lol. also the exposition in this scene is FLAWLESS mwah

THE LA DI DA DA DAY MOTIF IN THE BACKGROUND LMAO (it is definitely NOT a la di da da day)

"i do not get flashbacks!!! ...i remember bad things vividly." TOM IS SO ME CODED LOL

emma doing paul's "okay" thing gives me LIFE

DYLAN SAUNDERS APPRECIATION MOMENT i love tom houston so much i love dylan saunders oh my goodness gracious literally flawless acting !!! and his VOICE i cant even (also him holding up his hands like the steering wheel is such good foreshadowing for him having been the one driving!!)

tom is COMPLETELY unable to read sarcasm. tom houston autism confirmed. (/silly)

OK OK I KNOW that "bud" is a common way to refer to weed. however. lex smoking weed in hatchetfield and says "bud" specifically?? PERKYS BUDS REFERENCE!

the "to nordstrom? ah shiiit!" he sounds so canadian?? i cant be the only one hearing this lol what was that

COREY DORRIS APPRECIATION MOMENT!!!!! HIS VOICE HIS ACTING HES SOOOO <3 [heart] also the frank and uncle wiley interaction is SO FUNNY !!! and the condescension paired with calling lex "alexandra" is a rlly good way to make it obvious how icky frank is i love it

"honest?" "cross my heart, hope to die" BUT HE WAS LYING AND THEN HE DIES. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE STARKID

am i the only one whos curious about the gerald cinnabon story lmao. what did he DO that was so bad that gary goldstein attorney at law couldnt save him from the consequences?

"thats called a BRIBE and its ILLEGAL!!!" *skeptical look* "...or it SHOULD be." IM GIGGLING

im osrry the "my CHILDREN were accidents" line KILLS ME lmao. esp bc she literally IS making it everyone elses problem (by demanding 4 wigglys)!!

ik this fandom talks a lot about "stop crying gerald i wasnt talking to you" but i dont think we pay enough attention to lindas stanley monologue. like holy shit.

ALSO TOM TAKES THE SPOT BEHIND BECKY IN LINE AND DOESNT PAY ANYONE and no one even notces bc theyre all too busy gossiping lmao also what do you say is SUCH a good song aaaa!!! (why is the homeless man so invested on

"tHe YeArS hAvE pAsSeD"

FRANK MY BELOVED I LOOOVE OUR DOORS ARE OPEN

unrelated but i just noticed curt (the farmer who has peanuts the hatchetfield pocket squirrel during what if tomorrow comes) does not currently have peanuts the hatchetfield pocket squirrel! how does he come to be in possession of peanuts? was peanuts also drawn to wiggly (since he is canonically a sentient being?) what is really going on here? maybe this was the real conspiracy all along /silly

JEFF BLIM WIGGLY HANDS (also distinctly resembles the wiggly hands jon does as wiggly in npmd!!)

also feast or famine is an INCREDIBLE song like actually AAAAAA !!! chaos reigns!!!

is ethan wearing a kilt? or a skirt?? also him saying "more bad" instead of worse GIGGLE

tom scaring gary off just by looking scary is PEAK comedy i take no criticism

"aHhH yUmMy!!!!!"

"I HAVE A HAIR APPOINTMENT TODAAAAAAAAAY"

the resurgence of hello naughty list?? does sthat mean uncle wiley originally wanted lex to be the prophet. DOES THAT MEAN UNCLE WILEY ORIGINALLY WANTED LEX TO BE THE PROPHET.

i cant stop saying "i have pepper spray and i use it more than you can possibly imagine", also "ohh i dont know if you wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna FUCK with me miss monroe" ITS SO SILLY

when he sings the little "why should you give when you can get" BE STILL MY HEART (i have gender envy for joey richter)

"all you gotta do is just do what you do best-" "SHOP." "-be a mother." "...right." I LOVE THEIR DYNAMIC.

"yEs I fUcKiNg SeE hIm"

i never noticed bob is a parody of obama lmao ALSO HIM COMFORTING WIGGLY AFTER HOWIE CALLS HIM A FUCKING WEIRD LITTLE MONSTER LMAO

"iLL bItE yOuR nIpPLe OfF"

the way the wiggly is damaged is NOT what wouldve happened from being shot. but thats ok bc its my babygirl general john macnamara <3 [heart]

MONSTERS AND MEN IS SO GOOD. I LOVE JEFFS VOICE SM JEFF BLIM APPRECATION MOMENT !!!!! also he looks Rigjt at the camera when he says "its nothing on your phone" GIGGLE

#black friday starkid #black friday musical #starkid #words from my weird little brain

[trainingdummyrabbit]

Hehe hi Pik :0 I'll give you three questions for your ask game and you can pick out whatever you want to answer <:]

What are your thoughts on Kaigaku? I know he's a bit of spoiler territory but I'm curious .. or maybe what are your thoughts on Muichiro? You decide!

A question just for me, though ,, do YOU have a favorite bird? .., !!

oh abolutely HYSTERICAL to give a pick scenario and then lay down topics that will instantly get me to talk for hours on end at the drop of a hat KSJNGFKDJNGKD

so!! the easy one!! my favorite bird, ithink, is between the mourning dove and the house sparrow! they are not terribly glamorous but i love them so so dearly and will instantly cheer up when i think about them :')

as for the character questions. thank you for enabling me HJBSJFBJD

i could very very easily write an entire goddamn essay about Either of them, but for the sake of saving whatever brevity i can manage to keep, ill save talking abt mui for when That Episode(tm) drops whenever it does, because inevitebly, i will be Absolutely Inconsolable and it Will happen anyway KJNDKGDF

instead, for now, under a cut because this preamble is already paragraphs long... kaigaku.

i fucking hate this man. i cannot stand him, hes the worst, he is so fucking stupid, i think about him fucking constantly, and he is one of my favorites. he is so fucking insufferable, and i love him!

ok so. getting into kny, i was like. immediately a zenitsu liker. like i saw him and went "god. fuck. shit. its gonna be this nerd i dont even know about yet and i can feel it already." (i was right.) which is Crucial to knowing the angle here. and when i got to his part in th manga, i . genuinely dont remember if i even thought too hard about him. i dont even remember when i Did, i just know that he Wasnt there, and then he Was, and he Never Fucking Left KSJNKDJGN

which is very very fucking funny, considering... how much of a character he straight up Isnt.

like yeah! he sure does show up in a flashback and then fights zen and dies about it! it takes like, a two chapters max! and the entire time, his only character trait is "bitch for no reason." like... that sure isn't a lot to go off of. so like... why? i guess thats kind of the answer in and of itself.

why is he like this? why is he like this?? what made him this way? we know he grew up orphaned, but why? we knew he turned on gyomei's group and ran, but why? we know he trained to be a demon slayer with zen and kuwajima, but why? why, why, why? we just don't know.

we know he's a survivalist. we know that he's willing to go to any lengths, stoop to any lows, just to make it another day. because another day is another chance you get to get them back, to prove them wrong, to rise above it and laugh in their faces and say "see? see what im capable of? bet you feel sorry now."

shame doesnt exist to him. he will make Anything of himself just to make it by. do anything, drop anyone. no connections, impermanence. its clear in flashbacks that, honestly... nobody liked him very much. and like, well, yeah. obviously. he sucks, and he isnt afraid to show it. but isnt that just so strange? broken box of happiness, disatisfaction. he refuses to forge connections, claiming the only people he tolerates are those who respect him, who see his worth.

and that's... the weird thing about him. see, because, the thing is that... i don't fucking believe him for a second. he talks big game, he can back it up, sure, especially as a demon, but... the entire time he talks, every word he says during his confrontation with zen just felt like a bluff. like he's trying to sound threatening, to sound powerful, making a threat display like an animal. every technique he chooses to execute is some new, big, flashy display of his Power, talking, taunting, still taunting.

its a lot of reading between lines, but... this man is a fucking liar. that fight felt different, it felt quick, and well... maybe because it wasn't a fight. this was some guy taking out his anger on someone in a desperate attempt to prove he's worth something.

i just think that this man is a deeply jealous bastard intent on making himself seem larger than he really is, convincing himself that he's the one that's right and it's everyone else that's wrong simply because he can't process just how awful he is.

growing up barely scraping by on his own, of course he'd become painfully self-reliant. of course he would take advantage of anything he could, anyone he could. you'd have to be that self-centered to survive. talk big, act big, nobody will mess with you. nobody can take advantage of you if you take advantage of them first.

and when he gets shown that kindness, being taken in for the first time... of course he'd take advantage of them too. he's hard-wired with instability in mind, so obviously the clear answer is to take what you can and go before something else happens and they get to you first (even if that was never really a threat.) and if they throw you out for it? it's just proof you were right. you were always right, clearly it isn't your fault. and if you happen to throw them under the bus for it... well, obviously they deserved it. there's no reason to think about it anymore.

being with kuwajima was fine. we don't know anything about the earlier days (which im so sad about) but from the looks of it, he was doing fine. about as fine as he could be, at least. he clearly respected him at first, enjoyed being treated as something special, having his work and talents appreciated-- which he did have! he was a staggeringly impressive slayer, but that's an aside-- and even berated zenitsu for supposedly "disrespecting him" by referring to him as jiichan. which. sighs.

so, zenitsu. dynamics Of Ever. honestly, even without the whole Contention there, kai would've just kinda disliked him because he's... motions with hand. look at him. but its the fact that they were considered together that pissed kaigaku off so much. because that implied that they were on the same level when, to him, they so very clearly were not.

zenitsu was annoying. he was weak, whined too much, cried too much, never put in any effot, he was so, so annoying. which made it that much more insulting that jiichan would continue to try to train him. just leave him behind already! he keeps trying to run away, let him! obviously he just isn't good enough. he's not special like he was. and yet, kuwajima kept trying.

and the fact that he did... probably completely went against everything kaigaku saw in the way the world worked. for lack of a better term, he was very "survival of the fittest" minded in that, if you weren't good, you just weren't good. you'd try and struggle and inevitably die off. the world isn't kind, and will take any chance it has to kick you down. that's why you take what you can, when you can.

if you're weak, nobody helps you. if nobody helps you, you either help yourself or die silently. that was what separated the weak and the strong. and you always, always were either one or the other. again, that's his survivalism talking. so, seeing this person he at the very least Respected waste time on some nobody instead of him, expecting something to come of it... well, it was insulting!

and to think that they were even anywhere close enough to put together? to share the title of successor? with this guy? either it meant that kuwajima thought zenitsu was as good as kai was (to him, a laughable idea,) or that kai wasn't any better than some kid who could barely swing a sword. and that was what irritated him the most.

that was the point of their final confrontation. it was kaigaku proving, once and for all, finally, that he was better than zenitsu. was it purely out of hatred for this kid who looked up to him like a brother? was it out of jealousy of someone who got so many kindnesses granted to him despite, to him, not really deserving it? was it just to prove that he was a powerful demon to those who now had their eyes on him, too? whatever it was, at its core... it was laughing in the faces of those who, honestly, genuinely cared about him (and in his eyes, never truly did.)

he could've ended that fight whenever he wanted to-- its even stated in canon that zen wouldve just lost if he was given more time to grow-- but... he just kept showing off. kept talking. it didnt feel like he was using techniques to fit the combat-- it felt like he was showing off what he could do now. he was proving a point. the only thing that stopped him was what he never acknowledged back when they were training together-- that zenitsu did have worth. that he was growing, too. and using what kaigaku refused to acknowledge in him, zenitsu cut him down-- with a symbol of the respect and comraderie that he hoped to have together. a "sorry, aniki."

kaigaku's appearance in canon is less of the role of a character, but as a statement. hes a walking tragedy. he pushes away everything that makes life What It Is in favor of this image of Strength, which is exactly why he becomes-- at first glance-- a caricature. he stops being a person and starts being a Thing. zen tries to keep him in mind as a Person (despite it all) but when he ultimately gives up hope is when the encounter ends. and when kai's role ends as well.

the only thing i still wonder is... does he regret it? in the very depths of his mind, behind all that mess he puts up, after throwing everything away... did he regret it? twice, he was shown care and kindness, and twice he betrayed them. does he know? does he regret it? does he have the capacity to? or has he simply committed so hard to the role he was given-- to the role he put himself in-- that he simply cannot fathom a world in which he was the problem? could it have been different?

put simply... what the fuck is wrong with him?

. anyway, heres a bunch of posts that remind me of him.

#ask game #pikramble #piktalk #kny spoilers #UM. VERY LONG POST; I DID ACTUALLY END UP TALKING FOR HOURS SKJFNKD #IM. SO SORRY. SLEEPER AGENT ACTIVATED. THANK YOU <3333 #THERES SO MUCH I DIDNT GO INTO TOO LIKE #his weird 'everyone is either above or below me' thing that he switches btwn on a dime #or how he has his sword on his back-- in a technique so focused on quick drawing-- #so committed to doing things his way that hell actively hinder himself and how that reflects his whole character #OR OR OR!!! AUHGUHGG #CANT FUCKING STAND HIM. GOD. #so anyway he's one of my 5 rotating favorites. thankyou <333

[allthefeelingsthatgrewinme]

Do not cheat you piece of shit

Pairing: Erwin Smith x reader

Warning: author tryna be funny writing, slurs, cheating(not erwin), age gap but not mentioned how much, reader is an adult, secretly simping hard, one sided love, terrible grammar, lotsa misspellings

A/N: so its my first time to write. Lotsa dialogues but mostly reader. I want to read something funny with erwin but yeah those are hard to find so if you know any please i beg of you SHARE!!! Its also based on my dream hehehe. There prolly be parts but i dont outlined shit so im just writing whatever. Teehee.

You walk ran? Ran walk? Whatever that's called, as fast as you could with your little legs towards his house, to the rescue, after receiving news that his girlfriend of six m*th*rf*ck*ng years cheated, got m*th*rf*ck*ng caught in their very own bed!

How can someone do that, cheat on their lover specially when said lover is set in life, from life insurance to complete training attendance on the ways of proper parenting.

Six years, down the drain just because she itch so much she couldn't wait for her boyfriend to come home from an overseas prestigious seminar for genius people by the genius rich people.

Reaching Erwin's two storey mansion with a big ass tree house in the backyard (told you he is serious), you didn't bother to knock, just straight up walk inside his home through his kitchen door at the back. And there he is,looking terrible, hunched over his laptop, grading spreadsheet on screen, and college research papers, scattered all over his dinning table, to grade.

"Wooah wow. You look like shit." Was your greeting.

"Hello, dearest friend, and good afternoon too. Yes, you may come in, the front door is open. And yes, I am well. Thank you for asking." And he have the audacity to smile at you with red rimmed eyes, unshaven face, messy and greasy hair probably from the wax he uses, all in his glory, wearing his tomato catsup stained shirt and avocado printed grey sweat pants.

"S'rry wasn't used seeing you like....that."

"Hmmm. As you can see, I am doing well." Is what he said gesturing at himself as if to say that he look normal as always and then picked up his red pen, started reading lines and lines of boring bordering between intelligent words on paper and straight up bvllsh1t w33d induced jumbled letters on paper.

"Erwin." You always call him eyebrows but this time you know that he is hurting and so that hurts you too. But what comes next out of his lips hurts you more than you should as you are only a friend. "This is probably what I get for waiting too long after buying that ring."

"Erwi-" you tried to stop him.

"Always waiting for the right time and now missing it." He continued.

"Stop-" Hands on your hips and eyes on his downcasted ones, you told him to stop and "saying that as if its your fault she cheated, that as if its your fault she chose to destroy what you both have. Its not. If its anyone, its all hers. She is the one at fault. Not you. Definitely, not you. Alright?"

"I should have given her more attentio-"

"You did! You never miss an occassion." To the point he was never let to go out with the group.

"You're always surprising her with dinner dates, cooking the food yourself." You remembered how lonely you felt when he forgot you invited him for your birthday party. That day made you realized how you felt about him and that you shouldn't feel anything about him you so kept a distance ever since.

"All the low calorie and high protein recipes you keep in mind because she is concious of her figure, you even wear whatever she wants you to wear, whether it be perfum, shirts or whatever." You kept your distance but you couldn't help to notice some changes in him. Like that very serious face he got when browsing the net of food to cook.

"You did gave her a lot of attention so don't give me that self-depreciating shit you're spouting. Stop shitting about yourself, eyebrows. You're too old for that shit." You defended Erwin against himself almost outing your feelings but gladly even thought this man is smart as hell, he is one oblivious thick wall, so you're safe except from Master Levi's disappointed eyes.

"You should really stop hanging out with Levi." Is what the dumbass said after all what you told him.

"You're absorbing him at this point-" a playful eyeroll from you.

"like a sponge from those super grocery stores and that is a lot of absorbing, Cheri." Cheri, the nickname Hange gave you because they couldn't be bothered to practice pronouncing your name right so it sticks in the group.

"Too late. I like hanging out with Master Levi."

"More than me?" He asked you with raised magnificent eyebrows.

"... no. I like hanging out with you more." Well he wasn't feeling well so it wouldn't hurt to be honest sometimes is what you thought.

"You're just saying that now becau-"

"I said I like hanging out with you more. Comfortable. Safe. You're good shit. Thought boring before but eh you make things interesting. Wouldn't even know that Michelangelo is so horny on main he painted nudes in a church or that story about two scupltor brothers making a lucifer statue that was just so hot for a church but the church is just so done with 'em brothers so they just let chad lucifer statue be displayed there." You mumbled jumble hocus focus your way around saying that he is a great person and atlast you heard him chuckle softly. How is this big man be looking stoic but so gentle at heart. Probably the reason college students loves him so much.

"So, what will you do now?"

"For the first time in my life, I do not know." He wore that tiny smile that barely stretch his lips and looked back down at his hands.

"How about gathering her things and burning it. I'll help you." You suggested with a wide evil grin

"I don't want to be arrested for arson." He denied you as he sweep his eyes down your hands and now finally noticing the big eco bag you've got with you.

"That's.." he trailed off.

"A big ass ice cream. Yes." You answered

"Cookies n' cream?"

"My favorite craving at the moment."

"Here." You placed the big pail of ice cream on the table. "Eat this shit for every meal. Its in the 101 ways on how to cope from stupid people by the more stupid people."

"How will.. that won't fit in my freezer."

"Then eat all of it? I help you? Or if we still can't finish it, that's a you problem. I'm out." You told him as you reach in the cupboards for cups but you can't reach it so you forgo cups for ice cream and decided to just eat it with spoon straight from the container. Master levi would be really disgusted at you but good thing everyone else in the group, except you, are super busy and not here. After all you're just an assistant of the assistant in the engineering research department.

"We are going to mope for a few hours, and then we'll gather her things, and also like return that ring so you won't do stupid shit like proposing to her." Is what you listed at him as the two of you eat ice cream like the scroundel you both are according to Master Levi.

"You're moping too? Why?"

"'Coz I've gotta deal with your eyebrows right now."

"I think that's also one of her reaso-"

"Oh shut it. You just want me to say you're eyebrow's game's on flick. I won't so shut it. Eat the damn ice cream I had to bust my ass carrying getting here. I hate your drive way by the way. Why is it so spacious? Such a waste of space and unnecessary." You ranted and let words just flow out of your mouth to disguise your blush. Unknowingly to you, Erwin smiled genuinely, always have felt lighter and safe whenever he is around you.

#erwin smith x reader #erwin x reader #erwin smith #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #levi ackerman

[wifiwuxians]

quick aside for my moment of befuddlement because ive always misunderstood the idiom "like a house on fire" LOL. i always thought it was a passive aggressive way of saying "dude, we would destroy each other lets not talk" so when i first read that I was like ??? context??? doesnt match??? did they misunderstand the idiom? DID I? then i googled it and you're right lol its a nice thing. (tho now i wanna put that in a fic bc i think that would be a delightful misunderstanding for characters to have). IM SO GLAD I MADE UR FUNK SLIGHTLY LESS FUNKY THO. you're great and you're super sweet ;w; if i had more self-confidence, i would definitely jump at the opportunity to befriend. maybe when i get more gutsy

BACK TO THE SONG LAN HATE THO. im sorry, im still in shock. just HOW. also..... how is my interpretation of them not the common one??? again, i stay so strictly to my lane i didnt know other lanes existed and i definitely dont want to hear about it bc i think song lan hate would hurt my heart. it already hurts my heart sometimes when i see xue yang hate and XUE YANG DESERVES IT. literally i despair at media literacy sometimes. i absolutely cannot understand how anyone consumed the same content as we did and decided to be mean to song lan.

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY A FAVORITE ARTIST, DUDE. have you fucking SEEN your stuff?!? like, are you as blind as xiao xingchen? (my sweetie, may he forever regain his sight). your art is GORGEOUS. absolutely worthy of being a fav artist and i am sure im not the only one. for starters, your pieces always have a depth to them that sets them in a scene so freaking beautifully EVEN WHEN THERES NO BG or even in your more simplified styles. when you come out with a "silly phone doodle of xue yang", i see the freaking SKILL needed to make THAT adorable lil gremlin as just a 'silly doodle'. like BRO, youre so skilled that i think youve lost depth of how good an artist you really are. i wish i was smarter with art words so i could tell you in color theory exactly why your colors are so beautiful but im dumb and all i know is "color pretty" BUT SINCE I CAN PORTRAY STUFF WITH WORDS SOMETIMES i'll try to just express how your colors alone can evoke emotion and tell a story, how you use the contrast to make your art pop off the page, the way that the colors caress a scene and show so much more inside. its beautiful, your art is beautiful, i can look at a piece for such a long time and still find interesting details that make me smile. oki i'll stop beng weird now but like NEVER DOUBT YOU'RE FREAKING SKILL BRO. (shit i didnt even get to how your animations just break my brain oeuihgo i love)

lolololol dw abt telling me about the cannibalisms piece, i look Specifically disrespectfully at that one. not big into cannibalism but damn dude, there is a Mood to that piece and frankly, something that messed up sort of suits them on their worst days euorhgioeurh i like me a fluff au or a fix-it fic but damn those two can get Dark.

My otps are often rarepairs ;A; i never do it on purpose, im normally jumping headfirst into a more popular ship but then i just See the potential in two other lil guys and im like.... holdup, wait is no one else seeing those two??? AM I THE ONLY ONE WITNESSING THIS? (yes, yes i am). And the hyperfixation begins and its just me alone at a bar with no bartenders so i make my own food. but im a weird lil guy so my cocktails are always strange and im alone at the bar lol. tbh songxue is one of my LESS rarepair rarepairs. like... theres actually fics that i didnt write for them LOL. (there was one fandom where there were 40 fics for a ship and i wrote all 40. i am a sad and lonely lil loser lol)

(scuse me one of my fav artists said they think i'd write my otp well, i can die happy oaierhgoeirh i actually do write ff for songxue but hahaha im still just a silly anon but its rlly good to know that the person i think characterizes them best in the fandom (that ive seen) thinks i would do a good job with them aoeghuihr thankyou for the high praise, i guarantee i dont deserve it)

(sometimes i've wondered if the reason you draw/write them so well is bc you dont ship them? weird take but like, shippers have shipping goggles right? we see what we wanna see a lot of the time. but since you just think they'd be neat standing next to each other (much agree), you actually put thought into their characterizations and personality instead of just "this is how they'd F*CK" or smth similar. and bc the personalities and stuff mean way more to me than sexy stuff (thats the whole reason i ship them! their personalities!) the fact that even your crack stuff has such a good basis in who they are as people makes your content just so good. whereas sometimes i see content by shippers (no disrespect meant, everyone ships in their own way), its very actively ooc, usually for a kink fill, and im just... but what abt their personalities? what abt the whole reason i think they'd be good together if given the chance?! WHAT ABOUT THEM? and then u come around drawing them like that and i just wish more people portrayed them the way you do. this isnt meant as like an anti-smut thing, i like smut, its just that sometimes pwp is just two strangers who happen to have the character names of my blorbos and literally nothing else in common and theyre my BLORBOS. more power to people who like that stuff, i will stay in my lane and bother this poor lovely person who doesnt even like the ship but is kind enough to see their potential to be pals cuz damn im in it for the emotions)

heh heh yeah it means we'd get along well but i like that interpretation too and think it would make a great story!! here's to you becoming more gutsy! (though again you're very free to use an alt or something!)

genuinely why i don't go looking lmao... song lan fans are so fucking strong to have to deal with the shit people have said BUT nowadays the climate seems to be a lot better :D i see lots of thirst for him at least KFHKDJ and my appreciation post of him has 800 notes so that's hopeful at least! but same i don't get it at all (though honestly i will say a lot of character hate stems from shipping. legit.) but yeah regarding xy hate for me it's gotta be for the "right" reasons LMAO

LJHLFHFD ALL THE COMPLIMENTS MY BRAIN CANT TAKE EM!!!! genuinely!!! THANK YOU!!!! i do often tell myself 'your stuff doesn't have to be perfect it just has to spark joy' to feel better about not rendering a piece to hell and back and mostly taking the lazy route, though this year i really wanna branch out and try more! but all of this has shot me in the heart... emotion to me is the most important part of art, and one of my favorite responses to get is laughter, and you don't need a 4K HD piece for that haha BUT LISTEN YOURE NOT WEIRD EVERY ARTIST I KNOW WOULD KILL TO HEAR THIS im gonna frame it. but after ive printed and eaten another copy like wow you think i set the scene ;_; will cry (agsjdhf sorry i really do read everything im just. PROCESSING!!!)

ahaha yeah for sure! i do love me some cannibalism (i am the cannibal friend) but absolutely that was just intended as a very dark place. song lan has Had it (the premise was xy thinking hey, he likes me, let me remove the nails i am sure everything will be fineOHNOOO)

oh dude i have chronic rarepair disease. most of what i ship is stuff i've come up with myself so any content is me + 2 souls maximum who i have managed to drag with me and make content KSGKFJ (case in point, xuechao) i just have this compulsion to do what nobody else has done

(you do deserve it! and dont go looking i wanna keep being the one who portrays them best :p)

and hey maybe because YES!!!! my work almost exclusively stems from personality oh my god thank you for acknowledging that i think that is the highest praise of all... how their personalities gel together is SUPER important for me, shipping or otherwise!! i'm telling you you and i would get along really well since we agree on the fundamentals i think! like yeah there's nothing wrong with some good old self indulgence but ooc takes me out of stuff a fair bit, and trust me i feel like most people would think MY stuff is ooc! but the thing about the strangers with blorbo names made me laugh so hard lhKDHJAfhsg i am so guilty of that in the past, i've read my old stuff and i'm just like damn. i just projected onto these dudes. NO MORE (it is bound to still happen privately but hey, ultimately, write what you want to read)

song lan and xue yang, in the 'if given the chance' realm, have exactly my favorite type of duo dynamism which is why i cannot stop drawing them lol like some funky spin on boke/tsukkomi... generally speaking ">:D -_-" is visually my favorite thing to draw haha and again! i wanna say it's not an all-out global dislike, i just a) understand most people are NOT coming at it from where i am so it doesn't interest me/makes me sad, and B) understand WHY people wouldn't be into it. because wow. um. ouch. that sure is some shit

i am gonna take a moment to plug an author i think you might really enjoy, pomegranites on ao3 (@pometogo on here!) ! i can't speak for Every flavor in there being to your tastes but there are definitely a fair few fics that made me bonkers, namely not easily let go, written for song lan love week :D

#long post #shin dont look #jic #who AM I i never do fic recs LOL #the fic i linked i treat it as a twin soul to your hands and mine #<- if you havent read this one pls. anyone seeing this. your hands and mine gotnocents ao3 thank yuo

[hawkeyedflame]

"anyway, go ahead and post your screenshots, like i give a fuck. i never said anything in that server that i don't stand by still, and i certainly never harassed anyone. while you're doing that, maybe go outside and touch some grass. like, seriously. live your life outside in the real world like a normal person and you might realize that nobody gives a flying fuck about your internet temper tantrums."

This is just Peak ironic and hypocrisy of you and your friends given what they were doing in there but I'm sorry that you just want to sweep everything underneath the rug and act like you're forgiven or have Redemption now when you haven't done anything to become a better person lol lmfao even.

It's super duper funny to watching you try to take the high road here 😂 but just know people know the real you twerp

2) Rules for the not we must be very strong motto with you too 😂 But again it's so crazy how you just lied and then immediately resended that lie and tried to wiggle your way out, you want to talk about being racist or sexist or homophobic but wait till the screenshots come out and I'll tag everything appropriately there for you and see how your friend still feel about you but deep down you haven't changed and wont change just like your creepy pals that were in there with you haven't stopped or changed as well but I'm going to guess that you just conveniently avoided all that somehow huh 3) You were so upset over hominis and his wife both racist sexist garbage people 🤡 enjoy your side show clowns ya freakshow 😂 Karma will see to you, don't worry ugly. 4) Awe you're upset of cisnowflake too another horrible sexist racist loser? For all your projecting and positioning you try to do on your page you're still just the same person you have been 2 years ago and even further back because no matter where you go or what you do you are still you Paige and your true colors will bleed back through and you can't change the hate in your heart anymore than you can change how retarded, ironic and hypocritical you are 😂 Cuz again I don't see you renouncing your friends Behavior or what they did or your part in it you're just mad because I'm here calling you out about it while you're trying to save face. I mean again if you truly moved on and are turning this new page relief you could have just apologized or said you know what that situation was horrible but no you double down back to like you always do and will again. Garbage person, simple ass 🤷‍♂️ 5)Again it's just funny you go from you weren't in any kind of Discord doing harassment or talking shit about people you dont even know and then you admit that you were in there and you stand by everything that you said but then say you've changed and its others problems what you did and caused. Yup that's the way to have integrity and maturity and to get to the next level of being a better person for sure just sleeping everything underneath the rug and flipping everybody off in the process. I hope your life is as "pleasant" as you have been.

I go to bed and then go to work and come back to this word vomit... You might actually be more deranged than the chick from the FMA fandom who was tweaking out about me supposedly being a transphobe. I'm legitimately impressed by your dedication. Honest.

So anyway, this is really funny, I guess since you're on anon like a spineless worm, you're giving me the liberty of having the last word, because I certainly won't be answering any more asks from your crazy ass after this lol

I am friends with very few people in that server. The people who are/were in there at the time that I was also using the server were acquaintances at most, with the vast majority being strangers I'd never met. I never once participated in harassing or being hateful towards anyone while I was using that server. As I said, post your screenshots if it will make you feel big and cool. I do not give a fuck. It's not like I'm going to waste my time looking at whatever "evidence" you think you have on me.

I didn't lie. I said I don't use servers, which is true. I did not say that I've never used servers. 2+ years of not participating in any servers constitutes saying that I do not use servers. You're grasping at straws, it's pretty sad.

When was I ever upset about Hom and his wife? They can take care of themselves. This doesn't even make any sense.

This is actually just really funny. You're here on anon trying to tell me you know me well enough to know whether I've changed as a person. I have, believe me. Just not in my political opinions. I don't need to renounce anything or apologize for anything, because I am not any of the things you are accusing me of being, nor are any of the people you have brought up by name in this weird little mental breakdown you're having in my inbox.

Again, didn't lie. Didn't talk shit about anyone I don't know except for a couple of creepy-ass tumblr losers that were outright stalking a couple of my acquaintances. Perhaps you're assmad because you're one of those stalkers? Much to think about. My life is extraordinarily pleasant, yes, and getting better every single day. Thank you for the well wishes. Happy new year :)

#Anonymous #long post #hall of shame #sorry to everyone who has to see this on their dash #i somehow manage to acquire creepy obsessed fans even though i've been on tumblr like 5 times in the last six months lmao

[gayspock]

goodness gracious

okay so set the scene im eating fruit and yoggy and granola with an iced coffee. just so youre aware. its 9am. i had a BIGGGG LIE IN bc i dont have work today (bank holiday) so smile

although in truth i wanted to go for my run & watch it as is tradition but it turns on the gym IS closed today booooo

tom will honestly suck the bigest dick in the room its so true

kendall being like "stewy dont hide from me" is seriously like half this website for the past few years. come out stewy. come out to see us. come on? kiss?

ROMAN HAVING AN ABSOLUTE MENTY B and just going to rot at his mams. so real for that. im sorry his MUMS. (booo)

"new jess" YOU SICK FUCK

ishould be saying more on this but im kinda jsut watching i know

do you know whats great. no matter who "comesout on top". we will always get a she-eo ceo <3

cunt i

cunt is

as

cunt does

fantastic....

its. horrfying to watch this bc i know shiv does not come out on top. of course she fucking doesnt. this isnt how it ends.

"i wanna fuck her a little bit" panning over to those sad wet bloodhound eyes of tom's

HELP

LUKAS THE FUNNIEST SEGUE

LUKAS SERIOUSLY WILL FUCK YOU BOTH I THINK . IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE

"we're going to be okay, greg" good heavens

GREG OPENING GOOGLE TRANSLARTE IS SO FUNNY

romans little grunt about that comment on his nuts. fantastic

something fucking tragic as well about tom being chosen bc lukas doesnt want a partnership, he doesnt want ideas, and shivs too full of them when

"he said them to me first" SO. BIG BROTHER.

HE DOESNT WANT IT. ROME NOT WANTING IT. so. real..........

kendall just diving into the water after going back to the pursuit kendall floating on the water kendall drowning in the water with a dead kid ken almost killing himself in the FUCKING WATER

THEIRI MPRESSIONS OF HIM AWWW

HES NOT GOING TO BE CEO I KNOW HE WONT BE BUT GOD FOR A SECOND HERE YOU COULD IMAGINE IT AS A GOOD THING EVEN WHEN IF HE UCKIN DID ITD BE HORRIBLE

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS ITS HORRIBLE

oh god this scene is fucking . help. eyes watering emoji. sniffling sound.

PETER DONT BE SO BITCHY

OF COURSEEEE WILLA WANTS THE COW PRINT COUCH. SO REAL

SHUT UP WHY ARE THEY .. theres so many nice uufcking. i feel ill. i do feel ill . STOP IT.

DONT CUT TO FUCKING GREG RIGHT NOW THATS INSANE

tom you absolute bitch

theres something about toms timbre when he feigns surpris-

"its you" the fucking venom in her voice

IM REEEEELINGGGGGGG

EXACTLY. HE WENT FOR THE EMPTY SUIT SHIV. AND THATS THE MOST TWISTED PART OF IT. SHIV WOULD ALWAYS HAVE BEEN SEEN AS THE EMPTY SUIT AS A WOMAN BU-

OHHH M GOD HER BITCH WALK COME ON FUCKING

THE MUSIC

GOOD HEAVENS

IM HAVING GOOSE BUMPS

YOU ARE NOT CUTTING FROM SHIVS FUCKING DRAMATIC LITTLE MOMENT TO FUCKING TOMGREG IN THE BATHROOM

YOU FUCKING PRICK-

HIT

GIRLS . ladies . HEY

FIGT

FIGHT

FIGHT

FIGHT

FIGHT

FIGHT

FIGH

PUNCH HIM IN THE CUNT

CAROLINE SNAKINGGGGGG HISS GIRL HISS FOR ME

hi stewyyyyy giggle

cutting to shiv making eyhes at this exchange happening in front of her like uh huhhorrific

ROMAN

imliterally soryr fuck roman i know so earlier it was like fuck roman but ugh yeah fine hes

whatEVER

do any other LOSERS RELATER DO ANY OTHER LOSERS WHO KNEW THEY NEVER HAD A CHANCE RELATE ANY OTHER LOSERS RELATE, DOES THE "IT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU" BURN MORE THAN THE LOSS ITSELF MAYBE anyway

we need compilations of shiv power walking

the fucking parallels of fucking

OF WHEN LOGAN WAS FUCKING PRESSURRING THEM ALL IN THAT ROOM AND NOW KEN DOING IT NOW YOU BETTER BE SMELLNG YOUR ARMPIT ROMULUS VS THATS FUCKING RIGHT

hi shiv

shiv

I DONT THINK YOU WOULD BE GOOD AT TH

for fucks sake s

shiv get his ass

thats so

THIS FUCKING SHIT LIKE I MIGHT DIE KENDALL HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THAT AS THE PROBLEM KENDALL- HE KILLED SOMEONE GOOD HEAVENS

THATS NOT AN ISSUE IS ANYONE CRAZY

what is worse. killing a kid or lying about killing a kid

SHIV JUST BEING LIKE No................. I LVOE YOU B UT I CANT SOTMACH YOU IS ANYONE FUCKING

THEM HEARING THIS ALL

IM THE ELDEST BOY

IS ANYONE

YOURE NOT

CONNOR IS

holy shit

holy shit

YOU FUCKING C

GHOLY SHIT

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

GUYS

GUYS CAN YOU ALL BE SERIOUS

THIS IS ALWAYS HOW IT WAS GOING TO FUCKING END YOU FUCKING

I FEEL SICK IN THE HEAD

KENDALL

KENDALL WE NEED TO PRACTICE MINDFULNESS NOW

KENDALL

ME WHEN I BURN EVERYTHING ME WHEN I GIVE EVERY PIECE OF MYSELF TO MY BIRTHRIGHT WHEN IM NOT EVEN GOOOD AT IT AND MY SISTER SAYS SO OOOPSIES

WE'RE NOTHINGGGGGGGGGG

i love it when little men get angry. like ahhh! x3 so ferocious. awww. yap yap yap

EVERYONE WHO JUST FUCKING HEARD AL OF THAT IN THE FUCKING OTHER ROOM. KEN. ITS DONE.

ken dont fucking kill uyourself now

ken

we need to be normal right now

TOM ON TOP IS PERHAPS THE MOST NANUSEATIGNG. MY GOD.....

WHY ARE WE GETTING KRANK KONTENT

WHERES KAROLINA. HEAVENS.

GREG BARELY GETTING A FUCKING HANDSHAKE

THEYRE DEAD. KRANK ARE DEAD. OLD CUNTS.

you fucked it man you fucked it man you fucking piece of shit help-H WHY DID YOU JUST FUCKING STIKC TH

OH I FEEL A LITTLE UNWELL . CAN YOU TWO CUT IT OUT FOR 10 FUCKING SECONDS.

OH GOD ITS ENDING NOW ISNT IT

OH GOD

this shit reeks

kendall

KENDALL

GET AWAY FROM THE FUCKING WATER KENDALL

DONT KENDALL YOURSELF YOURE SO SEXY

does anyone else feel fucking unwell i think im gonna sob

#Egg.txt #succession liveblog

[curiouskurona]

vil not knowing that deuce and epel are dating ( bc they are actively hiding it from him lol ) so he sets epel up with some famous and / or high class guy . maybe a fellow model or actor he met on set thats epel's age , or someone from a nobel / important family

obviously epel refuses , but vil insists

" you always dig your heels , but you end up having a good time , no ? just give it a chance , you might end up surprising yourself with how much you like him . if you dont want to go on a second date i wont push you " he reasons

epel doesnt know wether or not he should tell deuce about it , especially since he doesnt plan on this going past a first date anyways , however he decides that being honest and straightforward is best

deuce isnt ,, thrilled about it . but epel promises that itll only be one date , and it doesnt mean anything , and he'll be thinking of deuce tha whole tiem

deuce doesnt liek seeing epel being forced into an uncomfortable situation , but its not liek they can tell vil about them , so he kisses epels knuckles and looks him in tha eyes and says " i trust you "

" and if he tries anything funny , just call me and i'll come running " he does his Delinquient Pose™ . if it was anyone else epel would have been annoyed-- he can handle himself thank you very much-- but he knows that coming from deuce its out of comradery and care

they kiss , and epel has to go back to his dorm to get ready

the date goes well enough , but only because epel knows word will get back to vil if he's outright rude to tha guy . and its not liek tha guy has done anything wrong [yet?] , so really he shouldn't be too hard on tha poor sod . plus he probably doesnt want to make such an influential enemy

deuce is worried all evening , pacing back and forth in his room . he told epel that he trusted him , and he does . but he cant help but worry ,,

ace and grim convince him that its for tha best to go check up on epel , just to maek sure he's okay ( wether or not they know tha situation , i'll leave up to you . they purrobably figure deuce has a crush on epel , at least )

tha guy totally isnt epels type . hes snooty and self-absorbed , and epel just about threw his drink in his face wen he saw him roll his eyes at tha waitstaff ( theyre at some fancy restaurant , of course ) , but he bit his tongue and stayed in his seat . just maek it through tha night , epel ,,

tha guy lieks epel though . he mistook epel biting his tongue as being cutely shy , or perhaps elegant and demure , what a quiet and enigmatic beauty ,,

adeuce and grim can only watch from outside through a window ( lbr they arent getting in lol with what money . plus they didn't maek a reservation ) . ace n grim want to do some sitcom-y shenanagins liek pretending to be waiters to spy on tha date , but deuce holds them back

eventually tha meal is finished , and tha pair leave tha restaurant , adeuce + grim frantically scrambling out of sight . tha guy walks epel home , and tha trailing trio keep a respectable distance , popping up from bushes and trashcans liek in a cartoon

wen they get back to [ campus ? tha dorms ?? or if u want this to be an AU just back at vil n epels apartment or something . or mansion . insert location here ] tha guy tries to snag a kiss , but epel leans back and turns his face away

guy : " ah , of course-- i shouldnt rush things . i hope i didnt scare you , my delicate flower " * brushes epels hair behind his ear *

epel : * excalibur cringe *

epel has to break it to him that this was just a one tiem thing . honestly itd be easier to just ghost him but epel isnt that type . " listen , i appreciate your tiem , but i really dont think we should keep seeing eachother . get home safe , goodnight "

deuce is secretly relieved and also is watching intently . if this guy tries to give epel shit bc he got rejected ,,

theres an awkward silence but thankfully tha guy is just liek " well . i seem to have misread tha situation . good day " and speedwalks outta there w a strained smile , purrobably embarrassed . hes kind of a prick but i feel a lil bad 4 him lol awkwaaaaard

idk it was kinda hard to figure out how i wanted to end this , i could see this going many different ways and towards tha end i could feel myself spinning my wheels . id be fine if this ended @ tha 7th bullet point honestly but i wanted 2 do moar ,, im not entirely satisfied but ive got nothin bettr atm lol . i didnt rlly focus on tha concept of deuce n epel hiding their relationship from vil enough , i think

anyways . maybe tha guy cant stop thinking about epel and keeps trying for another date , sending flowers and chocolates and stuff , much to deuces displeasure . vil immediately enters protective mode n tells tha guy to back off lol . epel isnt interested so bye

or maybe tha tabloids caught pics of them and now epel is on a bunch of magazine covers . mystery date makes [ popular guy ] swoon ? vil schoenheit's protege entering tha showbiz world as a charming young bachelor ? does bruno mars is gay ?

epel and deuce spend tha next few days lounging around reading headlines to eachother and laughing about it

also cuddling a lot . bc deuce loves epel and he didnt liek seeing him w someone else and he just wants 2 b close to him

unfortunately for both of them , vil might find som other ppl to set epel up with . why lose this momentum ? epel could be tha next big thing , and there's certainly a lot of interest / suitors now

gl @ nearly everyone in this situation LOL

#epel felmier #deuce spade #vil shoenheit #epeldeuce #deucepel #listen apple juice is a cute ship naem but i NEED yall 2 understand tht thats not practical jdkskdGQKFKPAJDLBLA #twst #twisted wonderland #ace trappola #grim twst #grimm twst #oh shite i spelled vils naem wrong jdkcHKSKGLAJDLGLVA #vil schoenheit #uploads

[rjshepherd]

xemnas headcanons???

on my blog? more likey than you think

tldr im bored waiting for my printer to do art prints and i cant work at my table bc theres no room bc of the printers/cricut so headcanon time?

long post under cut

Xemnas IS technically a keyblade wielder but the problem is he never had a keyblade of his own. and since he has no heart and you need a heart to get one(although you dont need a heart to wield one) hes outa luck.

since hes gotten his own heart circa kh3 i imagine he COULD use one, maybe even find someone to make him one from his own heart, a la redemption au.

an absolute menace in the kitchen. his ambition far outstrips his skill and he has ruined more dishes than anyone else in the castle. even the dusks dread seeing him walk in to the pantry.

so hes meant to be about 28-30 and isa is around 24-26 which means skuld could be something similar. i like to imagine in another world he's good friends with this girl bc of his ux player connection .

Kh2 xemnas is just insufferable but he is especially bad if he is sick which is more often than you'd think

im calling bs on that whole "hes terras body so he doesnt like sweets" this man LOVES sweets, sweet everything. if theres a sweet option he will take it even in savory foods . he pretends he likes the finer things but he will literally eat any garbage as long as it is 90% sugar.

gets migraines from wine, because he only drinks red dessert wines and not say, fruity white wine or something crisp and light.

Cheese fiend. loves a good charcutier board more than anything

also just loves fatty rich foods. kinda surprised he hasnt contracted gout or some shit.

not a morning person, never has been.

will fall right back asleep if you play with his hair

sees Xion as Ventus and has a hard time telling her and roxas apart

redemption au xemnas has caught terra-norts fury. hes so painfully angry about how unfair all of this is, how xigbar/luxu manipulated them and how he's questioning every decision hes ever made because was it really his choice if someone else was pulling the strings from behind the scenes?

he doesnt get yelling angry now he just gets frustrated tearful angry and very very anxious about everything

is just very full of feelings and doesnt know how to deal with ANY of them. Crying a LOT but has NO idea why.

Xion/Isa made him watch inside out to try and put words to his emotions and it actually kinda worked.

despite everything Xion is probably the best at dealing with him, next to maybe Aqua and Kairi (although none of them really want to)

Spends too much time apologising in a really awkward way. has no idea how to just say sorry and leave it at that. its always "im sorry...that 'insert terrible thing i did here that you dont want to be reminded of'" i think everyone would prefer he just didn't acknowledge it and moved on

platonic XemSai?

He's lowkey kinda clingy with ansem. As he said, he took his companions for granted and now he has no one. He got ansem back and hes not prepared to let go of him again

Doesnt really have a trio to be a part of. Ventus and Terra find him a little creepy and Aqua doesnt want Ansem around for the bs he pulled in kh3 . Seasalt quartet find him off putting for various reasons (although theyre more tolerant than most). Isa is ....well he feels for Xemnas but he doesnt want to cause friction with his actual friends. Destiny trio are ready to comit hate crimes against him and riku has had to physically hold kairi back at various points in time. little lady is just full of fight for her friends and no tolerance for bs

NGL the guilt of what he did to kairi is eating him alive. Kairi wants nothing to do with him but she is a forgiving sort. Finding him inconsolably upset because of what he was feeling pulled at her heart strings. she accepted his apology and begrudgingly allowed him a hug.

provided he never speak of it again.

The radient garden gang are probably the most tolerant. they let him have his own room on the grounds he minds his own damn business and stays out of there way. Ienzo is the nicest but hes nice to everyone so i dont think that counts. Ansem the wise and Even mostly ignore him but Aleaus and Dilan really have it out for him. one of them is almost always watching him for being suspicious and as soon as anthing goes missing or wrong Xemnas gets the blame. he mostly prefers to just go elsewhere.

spends a lot of time in Erandelle and the kingdom of Corona just exploring. he likes hiking the mountains to watch the auroras and exploring the forests to listen to bird song.

Not really sure where hes staying in this au but i imagine he'd get on ok in San fransokyo. maybe have some fun at the university?

Nightmares for days

Post kh4 sora decided to be nice and take him to Monstropolis to see if they had any suggestions to help with his nightmares. it didnt help much but it was a nice gesture that xemnas really apreciated

Sora isnt there for the start, when xemnas was trying to find his footing as a whole ass human with a heart, so he didnt see the worst of it. but sora can literally win over anyone, make friends with any sentient creature so its not long before Xemnas counts sora as a friend, despite everything theyve gone through.

hngg im sure i have more so if u want more xemnas, au or nort rambelings hmu in asks

#xemnas #kingdom hearts #xemnas headcanons #headcanons #my head canons #my stuff #my art #ansem #sora #kairi #riku

[ycurkxng-a]

Round Two

Characters: (Post Mortem) Dean King, Blue

Warnings: General violence, death

Notes: I'm the president of the "I fucking hate Blue" club

Just another spell, thats how it'd been described to Dean by the villager. It was a simple trade, Dean would allow her to test her spells on him, and he would get an emerald... Fine by him, he barely spent them but maybe the others would use them for something. The only difference with this one being the necessity for him to sleep, it wouldn't work awake... Something about wanting to scare the shit out of her brother, Dean barely listened as she spoke.

He did as instructed, laying down on her bed and doing his best to relax. Although he always hated resting in anyone else's bed, and both grew irritated with how long it took for him to actually drift into sleep. It was only when she stepped out of the room that he finally managed to slip away, his entire body easing into the mattress as his mind.

Dean only knew something was happening when his dream became much more... Real. He could feel grass sink further into the earth underneath his boots, the soft breeze pushing through the village- wait, a village? And at that, a very familiar one. But not the one from his recent adventures, no, from his past. Something that felt like it'd been years ago.

Coasty. He could recognize it from a mile away, the houses lining up the paths, the trees he'd slept in for God only knew how long, he could even see the jungle off in the distance. What the fuck was he doing back in Coasty? He'd left that place a long, long time ago, and for good reason. After Adams death and quick revenge, he had no reason to hang around... But this was supposed to be a nightmare, wasn't it?

Even he could admit that seeing the village freaked him out a bit, but nothing seemed particularly out of place. Looking around, he squinted while trying to make out any possible alteration from its original design. Something did stick out as he turned around however, a figure in the woods behind him.

It stood still amidst the trees, something in one hand, from a distance it looked to be nothing more than some tool. At the end of it, something stuck out to the side, but it seemed oddly extended to be anything like a pickaxe or hoe. That's when he caught sight of the other side, something stuck out that end too, but it quickly became hidden as it went behind the figures back.

"Whos that?" Dean called out, standing a little taller as he craned his neck to the side. "Adam? Daisy? Rex?" He continued, naming one after another after a moment of silence with the last. The silence disturbed him, something like that was hard enough to do as is.

His heart practically leapt out of his throat when the figure began moving closer, the darkness beginning to be shined out by the sun, it's light beginning to reveal the figure and it's item. Brown loafers, dark dress pants- a familiar cross.

That was Adams cross.

He'd shoddily put it together himself, sticking it at the end of Adams resting place before leaving for the final time. And there was only one bastard Dean knew here that dressed like that, and as he continued to come into the light, Dean's stare grew into something dark.

A dried red painted the once black suit and shirt into a much more gruesome scene, and that's when Dean saw his neck. It looked as though something forced the head atop it to stay in place, some other unnatural force. He couldn't help how his heartrate began to quicken, thumping harder and harder until it felt like either he or it was going to explode.

Of course he knew it was supposed to scare him, but why did it have to bring Blue back?

"Why didn't I get a cross, Dean?" Blue questioned, his voice rumbling throughout the air and echoing. "Because I didn't wanna waste the wood on you." He shrugged, doing his best to keep a facade of an unwavering ease about him. "...sounds like why I didn't give Ad-AAAm one. You remember that, DONT you? Finding him th-ere-ghh-"

Blues voice broke, practically shrieking at random intervals before finishing. "You keep his fucking name out of your mouth, you son of a bitch, say another fucking word about that- AND I'LL PUT YOUR FUCKING HEAD ON A STICK!" Rage, that kind of murderous rage that now flowed freely through Dean, it was something that he tried to keep on a leash for the most part.

But he figured this could be an exception.

He didn't bother to wait for an attack, Dean knew this was a nightmare- the bastard was long dead, and he wanted to make sure he died to his hands once more. Only one wrench in the gears stopped the initial attack however, and that was the cross itself.

Dean went to swing, his arm cocking back before being launched forward- and that's when the crosses edge blocked his arm and twisted it around, forcing the killer to yelp in a mix of surprise and amazement. Only in death could he finally put up a fight, no matter.

His sheer mass won him the grapple, pulling back onto the cross before sending his entire body forward, slamming into Blue and knocking him backwards. The crosses jagged edge made an unpleasant scraping sound against the path as he slid back onto the grass, "Still can't take a hit, even in my fuckin' mind? Thats-"

He wasn't allowed another word, Blue got himself back to his feet and rushed forward. One swing to the side with the cross, which was knocked back with Dean's elbow, promptly followed by an overhead swing that came crashing down. He'd be damned, maybe he couldn't just fuck around and beat Blue up this time.

The cross coming in overhead was grabbed onto with Dean's right hand, his other delivered a swift, yet powerful, liver shot. Even if Blue was a slime, it would hurt anyone, anyone but him apparently. As Blue responded with pulling the cross back into his control and jabbing it into Dean's chest, making him take a quick step back at the contact.

"What the fuck? SINCE WHEN CAN YOU TAKE A PUNCH?!" Dean shouted, not quite believing just what it was that he found himself staring at. Blue wasn't anything special, some son of a bitch who annoyed him to no end, there was a reason he still didn't regret ending him. So what the hell was that spell doing to Blue in his mind?

That was trivial now, as Blue began to run back towards Dean with the cross raised behind his back. Dean waited until the last possible second to step out of the way of his swing, it came down to the ground ahead of him before raising back upwards, was he trying to take Dean's fucking head off?!

...oh, Christ, was he?

Stepping around him quickly, Dean grabbed onto Blues suit jacket from behind and pulled him in closer, allowing him to wrap one arm around his neck. His elbow locked his neck firmly into place, and he could feel an odd pulse against it. Any pulse from a slime was out of the ordinary, but this one felt- different. It felt as if though it were biting him, actually.

Dean pressed Blue closer to him as he began to choke, staring down at him with his teeth gritting. There were no threats to pass, no witty comments to one another, only a fight that would lead to one of their destructions. And Dean would be damned if he died to BLUE of all people, it'd be easier to say a goddamn sheep ate him alive.

No one would just allow themselves to be strangled however, which is why Blue continued to fight back and struggle. It infuriated Dean to no end, which is what drove him to end the fight at the first opportunity he saw. And that opportunity came as Adams cross was lifted up in Blues hands in a vain attempt to hit Dean with it from behind, perfect.

His free hand grabbed onto the cross and pulled it backwards, the arm that once choked Blue now unwrapping from his throat, a small breather he didn't get the chance to relish. Dean kicked Blue forward onto the dirt before planting the cross firmly into the ground and pushing downwards, making sure it wouldn't budge with the few seconds he had as Blue stood back up.

Blue wouldn't just quit fighting, but that played perfectly in Dean's favor. He grabbed onto Blues neck with both hands and raised him up off the ground, staring for only a moment before turning back around. He stepped towards the cross, and in one rushed movement, Dean slammed Blue down.

The sound of ripping, a scream, and then something dripping, those are the sounds that followed.

That still jagged end of the cross now stuck through Blues chest, tearing right through his jacket and body and leaving him pressed into it. The edges held him up, practically having him on display for Dean to watch, and he shrieked out in pain as he was viciously impaled.

Blood oozed from his large, open wounds, he'd would never understand just how a slime carried blood inside of him but he truly wasn't complaining. That blood ran down the wood and surrounded the grass around the crosses set place, a horrifyingly beautiful sight.

Dean stayed quiet as he stared on, a bright white began to overtake the entire area, blinding him completely and forcefully ripping him away from his handiwork. Instead of being able to stay and admire it, he returned to that bed, the villager staring down at him with a nervous expression plastered onto her face.

"So.." She cleared her throats after a few moments of awkward silence, "Did it- did it work? If not I can swap out one of th-" "It works." Dean assured her, sitting up and getting off the bed.

"Believe me, it fuckin' works."

#ONE LAST GO. ;Post Mortem; #something productive. thats rare for you ;art + drabbles;

[hoshi9zoe]

hi,

(if you dont wanna read all this thats fair in that case i just hope you have a good day)

i dont know you and i dont wanna bother you, but i saw your reblog of the post about being scared of trans women, and i just wanted to say that its not always gonna be like that. im younger than you and i dont wanna be lecturing a person with more experience than i have, but reading what you wrote made me concerned. at the same time it is exactly what goes through my head sometimes.

i know i cant fully understand your struggles, because im trans in the other direction, but im starting to think its unfortunately true for all the people who are seen as something theyre not - right now we really have to accept there are our kinds of people and we cant change the rest. you absolutely deserve a better world in which people dont see you as dangerous just because you exist but in the meantime you need to remember your whole life isnt defined only by the people who hate you or are scared of you. it still absolutely sucks that people are intimidated by you just existing, and it shouldnt be like this and i can only imagine how lonely it could make someone feel. none of it is fair, but you can and should try to be happy anyways.

i try to think about it like we got the short end of the stick, but that doesnt mean we should break it and throw it away. it really is shit but (as cheesy as it sounds) we only get one chance at living, and as much as itd be understandable to do so, we cant spend it thinking about how unfair it is.

remember that there will be people who will see you as a person and not as a danger. it might feel like theres few of them, or they dont exist, but they do, and hopefully you get to spend more time with them than you ever will have to spend with the people who are transphobic.

i personally still cant accept it but its the advice a friend of mine gave me (though it was in the context of me being autistic) and i do think its smart even if not groundbreaking. i have trouble applying it to myself, so i might be hypocritical and/or projecting, i apologise for that. still i wanted to share it because i dont think theres any better option for us. im really sorry you feel that way and i hope we both get better at focusing on the people who can see us as people

ps well this is bible length im sorry and also sorry if its rude? i really didnt want to come off as condescending or like i was assuming you dont know any of this so i hope i at least managed that (and i sincerely apologise for my punctuation. )

I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that because of my depressive ass comments on a post people are trying to comfort me and cheer me up. I've done nothing to deserve this kindness and while I think that this kindness and your time is wasted on me, i'm grateful non the less. don't worry about coming across as lecturing me. you're just sharing your thoughts and feelings on that matter and I don't mind. even tho i may be older than you, I absolutely do not have more experience than others. less even probably... and I did not want to make you or anyone else concerned about me. as i said that's absolutely wasted on me. it's just me trying to somehow vent my depression so that I don't do something more harmful. it is just irrevocably true that trans women that are not thin, white, effeminate, with clear skin and no body hair will be seen as dangerous and intimidating by afab people and especially cis women. But i'm grateful that you with for a better world where that isn't happening. It's admirable. And I don't want to spoil your positive message but it's gonna be hard to keep my depression about that in check and I wanna apologize in advance for probably still being very negative about that. You are correct that my life isn't defined by those that are scared of me, but they still can affect it in a profound way even if I try to ignore them. And yes it is incredibly lonely, but I've already been lonely before I came out so there's not much of a difference. Just maybe a new flavor.

I'm just gonna skip the next paragraph with the short end of the stick so that I don't let my depression speak my mind and just rip all of that to shreds. You've got a nice mentality there and I don't wanna take that from you especially since you went out of your way to try and cheer me up. I know there are people that aren't scared. I'd like to meet some one day. But all deprecating jokes aside, I will always get reminded of it when I see how the trans community and especially trans women have their own separate isolated corner from the wider LGBTQ+ community. I'm not faulting you for struggling to apply the advice your give yourself. I really know a thing or twenty about that... Realistically I know that it's not as bad as my insecurities, depression, anxieties ect make it out to be. But acting on that; confronting your fears is exponentially harder. Especially if you have to do it alone because you're shit at meeting new people and making friends and very good at driving existing ones away. And please don't worry about grammar or punctuation or all that jazz. School makes a way bigger deal out of it than I feel is should be on the internet in casual situations. It's your intent and your feelings that matter not punctuation ^^'

#zoe answers #- #-- #--- #---- #rambles #vent #depression #tw: transphobia mention