#and is an obsessive control freak

[greensaplinggrace]

the darkling had the right of it actually because the only two things in the world that matter are alina starkov and grisha rights

#unfortunately he has 1000 mental illnesses #desperately needs therapy #and is an obsessive control freak #but you know what?? #he's right about some things ngl #aleksander morozova #the darkling #shadow and bone #sab #grishaverse #alina starkov #darklina #myramblings

[kekisu]

happy easter sunday

#my art #honkai star rail #sunday hsr #played through the penacony quests expecting to become obsessed with aventurine #fell in love with this freak instead #when hes controlling and twofaced with religious imagery #BIG LOVE #also i dont really like how this looks its my first time drawing him and its also really boring but whatever #i wanted to do anything. ok.

[slavicafire]

this show's whole cishet YA cliché notwithstanding, I cannot pretend I am not an absolute sucker for the vampire trope of being obsessed with a certain human and through this agonisingly on the brink of being unable to control your hunger around them in particular

#żmija gada #I just love obsessive freaks and the idea of being unable to control your hunger and loving someone while wanting to rip their throat out ❤️

[danseuse-de-ballet]

Every morning the maple leaves. Every morning another chapter where the hero shifts from one foot to the other. Every morning the same big and little words all spelling out desire, all spelling out. You will be alone always and then you will die.

Twelveclara + “Litany in which certain things are crossed out “ by Richard Siken.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

#doctor who #clara oswald #twelth doctor #whouffaldi #otp: the control freak and the man who could never be controlled #otp: this isn’t a ghost story #otp: it’s a love story #richard siken obsession #for whouffaldi fandom #❤️❤️‍🩹

[soldier-poet-king]

"I hope this doesn't awaken anything in me" except tracing patterns between my recurring favourite character types has ended with me being pepe silvia as I slowly come to the realization that all the awful weak parts of me are apparently interconnected in ways I havent fully grasped yet

It is. Occurring to me. That I have an extremely fucked up relationship with the notion of consent??? Like not just in a sexy way but also in an everyday normal general way. And this is related to dissociation as a coping mechanism but also dissociation as something I often find comforting, in a way. Which is linked to my desperate need for control and my obsessive freak behaviours (à la ocd and need for certainty) but also how desperately tired I am of being in control and how I want nothing more than to just let go entirely and let someone else be in charge. Which ofc doesn't work because there's no scenario in which I can be forced to give up control entirely, nor is there anyone I actually would fully wholly trust in that level of complete and utter control. Which ofc I guess also links to my god as lover thing, in a way, BC this is all probably applicable in a divine way and in an everyday way and in a sexy way, what do I know. But also my deep awful need to be cared for instead of caretaking, which again circles back to trust, and also issues of obedience and people pleasing and submission to duty. And how the servitude of people pleasing can be both comforting and full of ecstasy because I still have a 'use' and that use is the purpose (y'know like. The Clarified in Baru Cormorant. I'm not looking at it, I refuse to acknowledge it), but it's also a defense mechanism and a habit born out of self preservation and fear and something I hate doing and hate about myself. And how can it be both those things, which brings us back to consent. Personhood????

I'm. Hm.

Normally this is smthn I would say hey we should journal and keep ur thoughts to urself but also we never ever acknowledge or talk about this stuff ever and I feel like an unwell little freak who is fundamentally shattered in ways I am only beginning to understand and I'm just!!! Oh!! Oh i am realizing things and I don't know if that's good or not. And why don't we talk about these things in non therapy ways I am going insane in my own head

#the duality of fran #therapists want to study me like a bug 😘 #<-is literally an insane little freak #maybe sometimes u gotta step outside urself to analyze ur behaviour like ur a blorbo #gotta be a little mentally unwell to be mentally well etc etc etc #i SHOULD be focusing on good productive thinfs #get back into the bells of nagasaki. cleaning. duty and tasks. the greater good of the world #not my obsessive navel gazing self analysis. #its not important because i dont think its fixable #but yknow. obsessive need for control in all situations including my own mind ans feelings #idek why im like this #its not one of those things that can point to one defining event or trauma #but neither do i think it's just genetics #it is a culmination of life maybe. the long years of nurture. in the nature vs nurture sense #or maybe it is nature and im just fundamentally. unwell. #im just. thinking. and its uncomfortable and im not sure i like this

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload? #me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃 #listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook #i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort #to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop #being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol #i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like #let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and #make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works #ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil #ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations #bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess #its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively #health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by #medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary. #like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think #of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf #my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its #bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror #when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the #most me coded character to ever exist #unrelated

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

damn i really haven't seen a doctor in 9 years. america is crazy.

#i thought it was like 6 years. idk. maybe i should put this off for 1 more year because i know they are going to make my life hell but at #at least a full decade would be funny #sorry when i was on my parents health insurance my mom would freak out when things cost money. because we were broke #and my dad who is an obsessive controlling hypochondriac would burn so much money going to the doctors for dumb shit. and i was just like. #it's fine i wont go the doctor because my dad who dosent work is already bleeding us dry. anyway i didnt really have acar back then anyways #and lived in the middle of nowhere so no buses or anything and then once i got onto cheap low income health insurance at age 23 because my #mom couldnt afford to pay for me on her health insurance anymore well. then covid hit and we werent supposed to go to the doctors anymore.

[knife-em0ji]

Listening to Dooku Jedi Lost and absolutely ENAMORED of dooku having A Bad Time as a member of the Jedi council and Rael, completely earnestly and gently has the, “dad, I’m real worried about you being lonely, maybe you should get a dog” conversation with him. And Dooku just TAKES IT GRACIOUSLY. And earnestly thinks, “hm. Maybe I should get another pet” (he’s a bird guy canonically) before going, “no, actually, I think I’ll just turn to the dark side and become an evil count.” Truly the guy of all time.

#AU where dooku gets another bird and that solves his mental health problems #this lineage is full of nature freaks I’m insane of this #dooku completely seriously: it’s not beast control its ANIMAL KINSHIP #I’m obsessed with dooku. guy of all time.

[stalinslastsoldier]

I love how Russia has been expanding trade and education all over Africa and Asia while the USA is just like 'we gotta kill those Arabs for retaliating!!!" like bitch go fuck yourself. The ex-commis are doing better than us

#even under heavy sanctions!! #and that's on that #international peace isn't that hard #america is just too obsessed with being a control freak and a bully #politics #us politics #news #this is america #usa #russia #africa #asia #ukraine #eu #middle east #jerusalem #arabs #gaza #west bank #palestine #israel #israeli apartheid #anti zionisim #anti imperialism #anti colonization #text post #reblog #free palestine

[bsaka7]

really didn't realize quite how much i was catering my life to like. my head hurting and also just general body feel for running. until i am like. not doing those things.

#literally like so much shit gets me feeling bad too much fried food too much sugar which sucks bc I love sugar. #variable eating times is ok but I don't think does me well with the other stuff #my phone + florescent lights r always like not great when im already not feeling great but rn the lights r unavoidable #and my self control for phone is bad... #im pretty straightedge generally as well but that's kinda more cuz im a control freak #well ig this stuff is also cuz im a control freak #Anyway having a low grade freakout or whatever and also my head hurts. #Just gotta get home. #I'm like. So lame. Like literally just a few days of increased activity level feel like they make my head like. Hate me. Or whatever #Running is whatever im just obsessed with it bc marathon training or whatever

[clitfisto]

> "boarding at 5:45"

> still not boarding at 5:48

me when i lie

#sorry airports bring out the petty efficiency-obsessed control freak in me

[rahbid]

the truth, the unfortunate truth, is jezebel wants to love and be loved. when she's with someone - sleeping with them, doting on them, buying them things - it frustrates her so deeply that she just can't love them the way she wants to. she doesn't know what's missing, what makes it different. it's not that she's incapable - she's been in love before. she can be in love, but most people don't inspire it, even if she's happy to dote on and adore them like she's madly in love. this spills over into friendships, familial dynamics. she can go through all the motions, do everything right and still feel empty.

#tag later. #her only models for attachment during sensitive periods of development were birke artemiy and elijah #birke...well hes birke #artemiy is dead #and elijah is/was an obsessive control freak fixated on making her 'worse'

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#me @ birth control: u were supposed to bring balance to my moods not leave me in darkness! #whats worse? rocketing around with volatile moods feeling insane nearly all the time but sometimes in a fun way? or feeling level headed but #depressed enough at u dont give a fuck abt anything? #i say the latter so i should probably stop taking it. i cant handle the bloating or the depression. assuming i wasnt already on track to #feel like this bc it started before i was on the pill but it hasnt let up. but if u have a predisposition to mood issues or adhd u r more #likely to have depressive side effects. hod dammit. i need something that causes side effects in either ppl with bipolar or adhd so i can #disentangle myself from this mess. ugh. not that it even matter. im just treating this like an experiment with a sample size of 1 #the disadvantage of having an obsessive analytical mind: treating yourself like a test Subject #ugh. whatever ill see my counselor Monday and she'll tell me to chill the fuck out abt this. bc im being insane abt it #unrelated #genuinely tho im procrastinating rn for a class i have in an hour. that is very very very unlike me. im usually a: ill have it donr 2 days #ahead sort of person. bc im an anxious freak but now im just tired.

[hirokiyuu]

ive been thinking abt a helio/stratos swap recently and mostly just like. the reality of a vace+rex+nomi childhood friends trio in this au is so. man

#me realizing i think vace would be essentially the pov chara for this au: MAN #stratos kids in this concept is really fun i am soooo obsessed with military sol #mama flulu in a military heavy au is so......... man #flulu who's met geranium and is doing a little better than her previous military days but she's still this decorated soldier right #and sol wants soooo bad to make her proud. so they work really hard. #not realizing flulu really hates seeing them do this. but she knows its to impress her #so it's this awful feedback loop where sol is trying so so hard to make her proud and she is! #but also they can tell she's kind of reluctant to praise them so theyre like #well obviously i just need to work harder then :/ and end up becoming one of the best younger soldiers lol #them and marz are kind of always at odds for control over the social circle i htink #they tend to win tho just bc of like...... their clout etc. but marz sometimes gets little victories just bc. U Kno. #cal is like the weird outcast on this ship lol #i think him and sol were closer as kids but his utter pacifism leaves him completely on the outside u kno #dys is a bit of an outsider too but he's more of like a #doesnt play well with others outsider rather than a Freak outsider #he does well enough in training etc that ppl leave him alone mostly i htink #he and sol are definitely Weirdly Obsessed With Each Other #also military ship engineer tang like...... lmao #to prevent gvf would be either like. actively sabotaging her i think. its a whole thing #god. thinking thinking thinking #teenexo stuff #helio sol versus military stratos sol are different concepts lol #helio sol is like. pressure from mom makes them shut down so they kind of suck #versus military stratos sol where mom doesnt have hte pressure and instead is like #someone theyre trying so hard to impress themself #so they work way harder and better #its a whole thing. fun concept #thinking constantly always