#and not have my paintings be seen i dont wanna be an artist i just wanna paint and chill

[popawritter12]

Hey hey heyyy im back with another request (im the same anon who requested that yandere morgana piece u wrote, absoutely loved it btw ate it up) and i was wondering if you could write some yandere! Hwei x reader? (fanfic or headcanons is up to you!) maybe the reader is an artist as well and they bond over that? Idk man up to you, also love ur takes on characters ur legit one of the best LoL writers ive seen!!

Btw if you dont mind can i be the 🍊 anon? Ive seen other blogs have their emoji anons and i wanna be one so bad fhdbfh

Hope youre having a nice day!!

Author's Notes: Of course 🍊 anon! I would love to <3

I also got tired of making so many headcanons (believe it or not, I have more saved in my drafts), I'm going to write a one-shot. I hope you like it <3. I also appreciate that you like my work. It's especially nice to know that there's someone who enjoys what I do besides me. By the way, I think Hwei is not in the Yandere “tier list” of LoL, so from how I write him and how I see him, I assume that he is a “Normal” type, because his personality reminds me a little of Ayano from Yandere simulator jjjjjjjjjj

Ｏ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

Yandere! Hwei x Fem! reader

Yandere character: Hwei From the videogame/anime/manga/movie/series: League Of Legends Case: Mention of stalking, allegation of theft, robbery and kidnapping. Part: 1 of 1 Warning: Excessive text LOL

Ｏ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

Obedience.

You had heard that word for so long that it was already embedded in your memory. But not in the way most expected.

You hated that word, and for that same reason you almost never hung out with the teachers or students of the temple you went to.

But we are getting ahead of ourselves, we better go to the beginning.

You had been born into a family that had never been close to other nations apart from Ionia, your mother was a strict woman, sometimes bordering on abusive, who always hated temples. Especially religions… Let's say she never had good experiences with it.

And your father, oh your beloved father… He was a saint in every sense of the word. He was kind, a joker… And a smile was always on his face. He had never yelled, in fact even when he was angry, he would just sit in the corner, ignoring everything around him until his mind cooled down.

And, being an only child, your life around them was quite chaotic. While your mother always tried to stay out of her entire family situation—a rather complex issue even for you—your father was the “husband of the house,” so to speak. He was in charge of teaching you both cooking and home care in general, including carpentry and, mainly, the art of home decoration.

He always dreamed of being a great artist, but in his family it was never frowned upon for a man to make the decision to undertake such a complex world of art, because, you know… that's a “women's thing.” But anyway, a lot of things have happened since the last time you talked to your uncles and cousins so… They aren't very important in your life right now.

But do you know that it is important? Where did you study.

Your father insisted a lot on your talent with sculptures and the human form; You really liked making ceramic vases manually, so much so that from the age of 8 you made your first sculpture; It was the strange shape of a dog with small eyes and a giant nose. At the time you barely knew how to paint sculptures, and your father barely knew about sculptures, and the shape of it so… Let's say it looked more like an "alebrije" than a dog with a big nose.

But that was a long time ago, and now the only proof of that memory is the figure on your father's furniture; kept as a beautiful memory.

As time went by your sculptures became more complex; from simple vases for flowers to sculptures with human figures of such a level that, at this point, we could compare them with the statues of Michelangelo.

And your father wanted that talent to be exploited to the fullest. So, after years of arguing with your mother, they both agreed that you should go to the great temple where you would learn about the art.

But there was a small problem, one that was going to haunt you a lot.

You weren't used to how strict that school was.

The first and second day at that school were quite chaotic for you. It wasn't just because it wasn't as you expected, but because everything was very limited.

If you wanted to make art, you had to do it how they wanted, when they asked you to, and how they expected it. However, not only was that not your style, but it seemed like the teachers (especially the principal) always had one eye on you. And only for a few weeks did you endure that strict issue of obedience.

But there was one boy who was particularly kind to you, and he was a young man of always unkempt appearance. His dark circles always stood out on his face, along with his hair that was rarely organized in a linear manner. From the first time he saw you, he felt charmed by the way you expressed yourself; You were good at painting and using magic, but when he saw the ceramic sculptures you made…damn, you really drove him crazy.

But you obviously didn't notice, you were too focused on trying to get along with your surroundings in general that you didn't notice his desperate attempts to get along with you.

However, in the pleasant conversations you had with him, you always saw him as the stereotype of the exemplary boy; someone who dedicated his entire life to his art, to the temple and was admired by everyone for his great talent. You thought he was assured of a great future thanks to his eccentric abilities.

And you, unlike most, learned very well from your mother that you could not let yourself be trampled; especially by anyone you barely knew. So the blood that ran through your veins and the passion for your own art that you kept for so long was slowly being tied to be limited, but with barely strong ropes. It hurt a lot to know that you were in a place that didn't belong to you, it was as if you were a squirrel in the Freljord, or a mouse in a perfume store.

And in the end, when you mentioned all these things to your mother, she didn't take it very well.

—Did you really go through all this while you were in that temple? —She asked, a cigarette between her fingers as she arranged her needles on the table.

You just nodded your head, not looking at your mother at all. The woman, at this, clicked her tongue.

—I knew that those bitches are only good for the basics, they didn't evolve at all —The woman brought the cigarette to her lips, taking a gentle drag —so, do you know something, my child? Send them to hell.

You were used to her bad vocabulary, so much so that at this, you just nodded your head again.

—I know perfectly well that you are not like me, that you want to venture out and learn about “the ways of art” and that I know —The woman moved her free hand in the air, while with the other she only lightly squeezed the cigarette. —, but if you're going to go alone so that that bunch of nuts can do you less, I'm going to get you out even by kicking you in the ass.

Your mother was tough as a chain in the teeth, and you knew that she couldn't last long without making trouble in the temple if there was someone bothering her only daughter. She cared very little if it was a student, a teacher or even the founder of the temple himself —Even though she knows that she died a long time ago— she would go and give her her dose of shit if she messed with the pride of her as a mother.

She advised you to kick their ass if they messed with you, but your father later talked to you about it, advising that you couldn't take all your feelings and thoughts to such an extreme, but that you should think coldly, and not give importance to people that were not to your specific liking, regardless of their social status. You were no less for coming from a family that came from the middle of nowhere.

During your temple walk, you always walked alone, which gave you plenty of time to think about your actions; You had been passive most of the time, however, more than once you let out those classic off-color comments when they already crossed your limit. Words like “Fuck you if you don't like it” or “You're barely able to use colors and you're going to tell me what I have to do?” escaped you in very rare cases.

You entered the less traveled part of the temple, hoping not to encounter those looks that made you uncomfortable. The song of nature resonated in your ears harmoniously, while the sound of the materials inside your bag resonated from time to time.

In the midst of your ramblings, you remembered your lost sculptures, and your forgotten materials; You were not a forgetful pardon, and it seemed strange to you not to find your favorite materials —That were metal, so they were worth a lot of money —, and even though you asked and asked, you couldn't find it anymore, so it depressed you a lot to think that you had lost something that had cost yout parents so much effort, and the mere memory of it caused you to feel that pang in your heart.

Even if your parents said it was nothing that couldn't be fixed, it hurt to know that you had lost one of the most expensive things your parents had cost you to get you.

But it was curious to think what a surprise you would get.

However, you get to hear some noises; without being the whining of baby birds waiting for food or rodents walking in search of food, but rather it resembled the voice of two people talking. You recognized both of their voices, but you thought it wasn't too important to stay there, in fact, you were already planning to go somewhere else when you heard it.

—So that girl, (Name), right?

—Yes, I didn't think you realized that issue.

The second boy's shy voice reminded you of that young man you rarely spoke to, which took you by surprise. Hwei wasn't the type of person to talk bad about someone behind their back, or at least that was the idea you had based on your interactions.

—You don't have to worry, after all it's normal for you to feel attracted to someone —Jhin mentioned, almost in a mocking manner—. So why don't you tell me about her?

You had already noticed the intention behind that interaction, however, after what happened, you thought that maybe you could calm your heart with some sweet words that you weren't meant to hear at that moment.

—Well, she is… incredible —He begins, you hear how the young man sits on a log due to the sound of the hollow wood —, she is beautiful, kind, tender… and her way of expressing her art is so… unique.

You gently leaned your back against the wood, trying not to make any sound. Something in your chest moved abruptly, as if your heart was fluttering like a butterfly in glass.

—I adore her sculptures, I feel that they are the most beautiful thing I have seen —He continues talking, slowly his emotion rose more and more —. I looked sometimes at her work in class or in the room away from her, and they are… beautiful.

—So much so that you had the need to steal them, right?

It was a single sentence, one which echoed in your head for several seconds.

—What are you talking about? —Hwei asks, arranging his hair a little, trying to place several strands behind his ear —. I would never do that.

You didn't hear how Hwei's tone of voice changed, becoming staccato, as his hands clung to his backpack, which he had in his lap.

At this, the other student laughed, almost like a subtle laugh, while his eyes wandered to where your shadow was looming. A mischievous smile forms on his face.

—So, I imagine that the sculptures that are in your room were made by you, right? —He questions, looking subtly into Hwei's eyes—. Or you bought them from her.

Your thoughts slowly formed a thread of the events that had happened. A lump formed in your throat, almost painfully so.

—Or her favorite utensils, she asked me if I had seen them last week, since she had left them near you the last time she saw them —He continued, almost introspectively—, but when I asked you, you only mentioned that you didn't see them that day either.

You shook your head, from the depths of your soul you prayed that it wasn't true, that you didn't have the school prodigy after you in such an extreme way.

—Well, I admit that I have some of her sculptures in my room, but they are the ones that she forgot in class or anywhere! —The pale boy snapped—. And I don't know what you think I did with her utensils, I don't know how to sculpt.

Jhin laughs again, barely audibly now, as if he knew that now he would have to act more vividly.

—And why were they in the box in your room? —Jhin asks him —, it even had remains of dry ceramics. Could it be that they were already used?

Hwei gritted his teeth, while his gaze met Jhin's again.

—That side of you… It's so peculiar. —He smiles —, I thought no one would see it, but you risk being seen in exchange for getting some things from (Name).

Hwei knew that darkness within his soul had awakened since the first day he saw you. And that darkness spread throughout his soul, mind and body, to the point that it seemed to consume all of his heart and mind.

—Your paintings were always warm colors —Jhin changed the subject, the smile disappearing from his face —, they were never about anything specific, but since you met that girl, something changed —He bowed gently in front of Hwei —. If it was about her, you focused on her in a way that made her seem pure, you used colors that highlighted her body or her emotion on her face. But she never looked at anyone —He subtly changed his focus —, she looked at the painter, or she didn't look at anyone, tell me, do you just want her to not look at anyone but you? Do you want her to the point that you don't want her to look at anyone but you?

He remained silent, in such a way that you could feel the weight of the words lingering in the air, causing an almost inexhaustible tension there. It was such that you could no longer hear the song of nature that you longed for so much.

—I won't criticize you, Hwei, you know that I understand better than anyone the dark feeling inside you —Jhin tried to sound empathetic —. And, if you want, I can help you make (Name) yours. I can make her fall in love with you and make that she can never leave you.

The obsessed young man understood how wrong it was to have those thoughts terrifying his mind, but he couldn't stop it, it was a feeling that had already taken root in his heart, and he couldn't tear it out no matter how much he wanted to.

—I can't… —Hwei whispered, his voice breaking —…, I don't want to harm her; She is so nice to me, I don't want to put her through all my feelings.

You heard him sob.

—You're not going to hurt her —Jhin comforts him, a hand running over his cheek —. I know you love her very much, and you notice how others hurt her. But, tell me, don't you think about those people really hurt her? —He subtly wipes away the tear that slipped down her face—. You should take care of those people, you know? So she could express her art as she loves it. Maybe she could even make thousands of statues without anyone to pressure her, and you could “borrow” them for yourself.

You had heard enough, you couldn't stay there for another minute.

However, before you could move, Jhin leaned close to Hwei's ear, his lips close to her loose strands of hair.

—Or you could take it right now, you know? This opportunity is perfect. —Jhin's mischievous smile spreads across his face.

Hwei opened his eyes to her peak, at the same time he heard a rope move abruptly.

And you felt your foot being pulled up, forcing you to hit your face against the ground, causing you to moan in pain.

—Shit. —You whispered, feeling your head spin, a small wound on your head began to make small drops of blood come out.

—That is…? —Hwei whispers, his heart sinking in his chest —(Name)..?

Ｏ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

Today I came wanting to write. I loved how this one-shot turned out, and I hope those who read it do too haha.

I hope to receive more orders if any of you wish, until then, I will be dedicated to my hobbies and my studies.

#yandere #obsessive love #yandere league of legends #yandere x you #poppa thoughs #league of legends #yandere male #yandere lol #hwei #league of legends hwei #hwei league of legends #Yandere hwei #Yandere hwei x reader #x female reader #female reader #x reader #yandere x reader

[twistedastrology]

🌊my take on neptune🌊

---------------------------------------------------------

LOOK at that gorgeous fucking planet man-

i wanna start this with a little tiny disclaimer that my take on neptune is very different from the usual and kinda flips a lot of shit on its head so my bad if this makes no sense to u but i wouldn't be uranus ruled if i didnt do shit crazy different would i 💔💔

THAT BEING SAID!!!!!! LETS GET INTO IT BABEY!!!!

let's start with what I'm dismantling-

in modern astrology, neptune is often considered the higher octave of venus and is known as the planet of spirituality or higher love. ive seen a lot of ppl say that neptune is associated with hollywood, which makes no fucking sense to me but whatever yknow to each their own-

neptune is also known as the ruler of pisces, and is exalted in cancer, the sign the moon rules.

I am about to flip a Whole fuckton on its head here so strap in and give me ur brain for a second 💔💔

neptune, the god, is the roman counterpart to poseidon, and poseidon rules over the sea, storms and earthquakes- generally very chaotic stuff-

poseidon's egyptian equivalent would be Seth, or Set. Seth was the god of chaos, storms, earthquakes, generally very chaotic stuff again.

Seth was also a trickster and, in egyptian mythology, overall kind of an asshole (since he literally chopped up Osiris into like a billion pieces and then scattered him across the earth so- idk kind of a dick move ngl)

but that's what he did!! that was his thing!!! he was the god of chaos!!!! gods of chaos are gonna be kinda assholes!!!!

But what does this mean for neptune- well this means that Neptune would be Seth (and neptune is known for it's deceptive qualities)

now keep that in ur brain as i go off on another tangent that will eventually circle back around to this one-

another proposal i have that may be shocking is that to me, Neptune is the one that rules Cancer, and the moon is the one that rules Pisces.

stay with me here hold on hear me out 💔

since ive been quite literally twisting the fuck out of astrology in my head and debunking cancer myth after cancer myth, I've come to find that cancers are a much more volatile sign than we give them credit for- or at least Can be-

they're not crybabies by any sense of the imagination, and like i said in my post abt cancers and rage, they feel anger more heavily than anything. they can also be very chaotic because they're cardinal water (think tsunamis).

now they're not all bad, dont think im tryna paint em as villains dawg i am literally a cancer rising/mars- but they have a distinct dark side to them that is Not to be fucked with.

cancers are often considered the "mothers" of the zodiac, but that has been watered down to "they're good with kids and probably want kids"- when cancers were Initially considered the mothers of the zodiac, they were talking abt cancers are the Guardians of the Zodiac.

not the galaxy-

now i will say, if a cancer has children, they will be VERY protective of them, but not in a helicopter-y way. more like in a "if you say something bad about their children or threaten to harm their children in any way, they will most likely punch you in the face and knock you out."

they wont bitch at you or be polite about it, they will probably break your face- BREAK YOUR FUCKIN FACE TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!

now, where do cancers get that rage from? who around here borders on being or Is a god of chaos in the zodiac................. seth.

neptune is a much darker, more volatile planet than we give it credit for, just like cancers can be the same- But at the same time, they can both be very pleasant entities-

cancers can easily be some of the nicest people you've ever met, they're incredibly loyal and would probably go to war for you if you meant a lot to them, and they can be VERY and often times Are creative and artistic in some way.

neptune can be a very rewarding planet to work with, it can be incredibly creative because of the depth it represents, and it can put you and guide you on your path to and through spirituality.

neptune ruling cardinal water makes much more sense in this light than it ruling mutable water in my opinion. a planet as potentially volatile as neptune would NOT be mutable.

all of this also comes partially from my slightly different idea of what higher octaves really are- ive seen people say they're the "large scale influence" planets, but i think they're quite literally just the more powerful versions of the planets they're the higher octaves of (so they can and do affect the large scale, but that's not ALL they are).

so the moon in this case would deal with our conscious emotions, our humanity, that level of stuff- which makes more sense for pisces in my opinion- the moon would be more along the lines of the emotions we Think we should feel (mutable) and therefore do- the moon is how we may have Learned to feel, among many other things.

whereas neptune is our deep, inner self. our subconscious emotions, the feelings that penetrate our very soul. neptune is our shadow self, but it's also our higher self. just as the moon has a dark side, neptune has one too, but neptune's dark side is infinitely more painful.

this role switch also makes much more sense at least in my chart, because when looking at the moon as being my chart ruler, my co-ascendant would be pisces, which never made any sense to me- so i chalked it up to "oh well my moon is 1° pisces so it's basically aquarius i guess" which DID make sense

but my moon is still in pisces. My neptune, however, is firmly in aquarius, which explains perfectly why i feel so much more aquarius coded than anything else.

im also like 99% outer planet ruled, mercury being the only inner planet that dominates my chart- my most active planets are mercury, saturn, uranus, neptune and pluto 😮‍💨

HOWVEVEVR!!!!!!

i wanna say that whenever i switch everything up like this, i still find value in normal astrology and often combine it with my twisted version to get the most accuracy possible- so while my neptune and uranus are in mutual reception (aquarius/pisces) but i believe that neptune rules cancer, i still feel that mutual reception but i also still feel the neptune/cancer influence, especially since my ascendant literally starts in the neptune decan of cancer.

and this makes my chart make a lot more sense in terms of neptune too-

if this makes absolutely no fucking sense at all to you then that's fine!!! this is just my personal view on neptune and i honestly still associate a lot of My View of neptune's traits with the moon, which is why i incorporate a multitude of different perspectives into how i interpret everything and it gives me accurate meanings so i see no problem with it-

once it stops being accurate, then there's a problem, but we're not there yet so it's ok 🙏🙏

ultimately u can kinda just take this as food for thought if nothing else!! and if u read this far into my yapping session, god bless fr 😮‍💨 (i am not religious. HAHAHHAA)

#astrology #astrologer #astro observations #astro community #outer planets #my take #neptune #neptune astrology #zodiac signs #cancer zodiac #pisces

[fairykazu]

art museum ft. albedo, ganyu & keqing ⊹ ࣪ ˖

cws: established relationship: ganyu, mutual pining: albedo, one sided pining: keqing, fluff, slight jealousy, dates, reader is implied to be feminine; reader can be taken as gn!

notes: i wanted to write for kazuha but i couldn't think of ideas for him :'(

mlist | based on headcanons

ALBEDO

he wanted to take you somewhere you can see his feelings for you

since you both share the love for the arts, he decided to show you his exhibit of his recent or oldest works

he didnt expect you to share the same feelings as him

it was your first time being at an art museum or at least being accompanied with someone. well, actually, it wasn’t really an art museum when really, its more like an art exhibit. albedo’s art exhibit.

even though, he is the host, he was walking around with you linked to his arm. “albedo? what’s this piece about?”

you pointed to a painting that were more abstract than the others. albedo’s fair complexion reddens a little, “it’s about me experiencing love for the first time.”

“really?” you said, tilting your head. he looked at the expression on your face, your face twisted into jealousy.no matter how you tried, albedo can read you just as easily as a book. “i envy that girl you loved to make that.” you tried to laugh it off but in your eyes, you didn’t find the joke to be funny.

albedo chuckled, which his laugh snapped your attention to him, peeling your eyes off of the piece. “what?”

“this piece was influenced by my love for you.”

“wait what?”

albedo watched how you experienced the stages of grief within ten minutes.

“OH.”

he laughed again as you tangled your fingers in his flax hair. “do you get it?”

“yesyes!”

GANYU

you two had been waiting for ganyu to have a day off to plan another date

usually your planned dates dont go so well so you try to make a spontaneous one and pray it works

surprisingly it does

as you two were already on a date, however when you saw an art museum, you knew you had to take your girlfriend there. today was unfortunately the only day ganyu had time off from work but you were ready to switch gears and make this date the best of all.

“yu! lets go here.” you said, pointing to an art museum. ganyu tilted her head, squinting at the sign.

“the… enchanted canvas?” she fiddled with the ends of her dress.

you confirmed, “yes!” glancing at her face, you reassured her, “i know what youre thinking but dont worry about the costs! i got you,”

you showed her your wallet, packed jammed with money. too much money but she cant stop you from buying for her or not allowing her to pay.

“okay!” the both of you entered, seeing the rows of pieces around the walls. the glass cases of different arts from all over the world.

due to the different aesthetics you both have, naturally, you both separated. you came across a painting that was blue, actually, different variations of blue. the artist used golden accents to highlight the plant they chose to use in the painting. hydrangeas. these colors and especially the flower reminds you of ganyu.

“yuyu!” you said, hoping she caught your voice. behind you, you heard familiar clacks of heels. “hm?”

“this painting reminds me of you.” you pointed to the large canvas framed in gold. ganyu chuckled, “thank you, sweetheart. ive seen one that reminds me of you too.”

“yu, do you think i can buy this for you?”

“name, with both of our savings combined, i dont think we can buy this.” she joked, but really was trying to convince you not to buy the painting.

“hmm.”

“do you want to see the painting or…”

you changed your mind, or seemed to. “yes, lets go see it!”

KEQING

keqing had been admiring you for far too long and realized that the feelings she thought was platonic were actually romantic

on todays hang out you both have topics to share

“keqing, where do you wanna go for today’s daily debrief?” you asked. the both of you met up at a local cafe and usually on every friday, you both talk about whats happening in your life. but keqing noticed that you have been flaking every other friday making her concerned for you, which is why she called a debrief on a thursday instead. “let’s go to the art museum. the one reel you sent on instagram.”

“oooh! ive been wanting to go to the glided gallery.” you replied in excitement. keqing nodded as she pulled out her phone,

“its a 5 minute walk from here. lets go.”

- - -

you and the purple haired girl walked into the museum. seeing how every other person was dressed, you felt embarrassed because of how underdressed you felt.

“‘qing dont i look like underdressed?” you asked, feeling the regret seeped into your bones. keqing seemed like she brushed it aside but really, she was thinking really hard on what to say to you. “no. you look gorgeous.”

“oh! thank you. so what did you want to talk about keqing?”

keqing winced, she had forgotten the reason why she invited you in the first place. other than asking you why you flaked out, she likes you. as in, likes-likes you.

“i was going to ask why did you flake out on the last meeting, n/n.”

“oh!” you said, flustered a little. “thats because ive been talking to this guy-”

a guy? again? hasnt enough guys broke your heart

“and hes really sweet. i think you know him actually! xiao?”

oh. nevermind, this guy would never break your heart.

“ohh, hes loyal.”

“isnt he?!”

“um, lets go pver here.”

unluckily, keqing thought. this section shows the romantic side of artists. “oh okay, wait, keqing, was there more you wanted to tell me? i can tell on your face.”

keqing’s heart and brain fought between confessing to you and not telling you. its a cycle she goes through, laying on her bed to everyday thought. she was going to confess but after hearing you have another boyfriend. she decided against it, bringing this secret to the death bed.

“oh. no, i just wanted to show you how this painting is really cute.”

“youre right, it is.” you were mesmerized by the painting hung on the wall, you couldnt see that keqing was just as enchanted just by looking at you.

#genshin impact x you #astronetwrk #albedo x y/n #albedo kreideprinz #albedo x you #albedo genshin impact #ganyu x reader #ganyu #genshin ganyu #keqing x reader #keqing #kazuha x you #kaedahara kazuha #female reader #gender neutral reader #genshin x you

[blufox234isadumbname]

How do you texture your art?

(I’m sorry if you’ve answered this before, but every time I see it, it blows me away. It always looks so pretty! <33)

it' just comes down to brush choice and then slapping on an texture set layer effect to "overlay" then hoping it looks good when you look away

I use CSP and i get my paper texutres from default materials here, i dont have a particualr default one i use i jsut search up any paper textures

these just default in there so you can go stupid go crazy, what i do sometimes is that i put one texture clipped to the main foreground character and one texture for background, it jsut helsp make it feel popped out yknow

another thing is jsut brushes, i use SU cream pencil for litterally anything from lineart to shading, i make it really big and it works so well

this are the base underpainting i did with jsut SU Cream pencil and its great, when doing light strokes its litterally so fuckign good. other brushes i use is litterally just the default CSP goache, the main thing is jsut using light pressure and making the brush as big as you need it to make sure the textures are seen, you really want to minimise making blurry blending and more grainy blending

just use whatever grainy brushes you can find, and even some grainy blenders too, just find something that has a lot of grainyness in it when you make the brush big

another weird texture thing i do and i only learned to do this recently, if you want some vibrancy, litterally get any brush (i use the csp goache brush) and if you have the option; set the brush to randomize colour per stroke and set hue to like big (or however you see fit it jsut depends on what you wanna do)

jsut start doing strokes of random colours and blend a litte bit and set the layer effect to anyhting liek any dodge effect or even overlay

it gets you weird splothes of colour that makes it more vibrant in a sense i feel it lends to the texture:

thats all i really got, its a whole lot of experimentation and finding preferences, you really have to train yourself sometimes to stop making blurry blends and jsut maintaint he texture

#ask #anon #art tips #art tutorial #texturing

[raeygina-george]

Every third remaining ask from the game

ill just answer the whole thing in one. LONG ASS POST GUYS

💖Favourite thing to draw

WAVY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

💯Favourite piece(s)

you get a sneak peek of the art project im working on yay. the perks of putting up with my bullshit <3

some of these i like more than others but as of rn these are the pieces i show people who haven't seen my art. my makeshift portfolio, i guess

🌈Favourite colour palette(s)

i think this is obvious enough if you look at my previous answer, but pinks, oranges, purples, and blues!

🤴Favourite OC(s) to draw

oooh yikes. to DRAW???? i never draw my ocs... i really like kyrie's design but i've never drawn her outside of that so i feel like she'd be really hard to get right..... idk i mean i guess saturn????????

🎨Favourite artist(s)

i dont have a lot of these, but i like hanacue, aidairo, and milkie2's art styles (these r just what i could think of off the top of my head)

✒Favourite medium 

i like gouache cause im a whore bitch

📏Medium you’d like to work with more

gouache because im not typically a traditional artist and every time i sit down to paint i just end up suffering for like an hour before i finally accept the fact that i cannot save this little kitty from its fate of looking like a vaguely animal-shaped blob. such interactions further repel me from the world of traditional art. im taking a painting class soon though so i'll just get my act together then

💭Go-to subject matter

humans?? usually just like. smiling. not doing anything too interesting

💜Drawing staples

i don't know exactly what this means but if it's an art piece of mine, it's got pink in it

💬What you’d like to draw more of

i'd like to draw more like backgrounds and animals? there's a shit ton of stuff i wanna improve with my humans but idk i've been wanting to branch out a bit more for a while i just haven't had the time or energy to draw more than like 1 of my blorbos a month

😂 Funniest drawing

i play tee k o with my family (you) so i draw stuff for that that's silly. WAIT HANG ON

this isn't my funniest drawing but it's what i have

❓Weirdest drawing/drawing with a weird process

im doing an art telephone w my friends that i might post when we're done? i can't post it now cause that would ruin the fun but yeah

🕑Drawing(s) that took the longest

uhhhh i mean earlier in my drawing journey i took forever to draw and i really hated drawing bc i took a super long time to draw and i didn't like anything i made and no one else liked anything i made so it was just like wow i spent all that time for nothing. still glad i did it though bc that era was still an important step in my art development. anyways as for more recent pieces uhh. my piece for the yorknew auction took a while, mostly because i had 0 time or energy and it was a really involved piece

👑Favourite fictional character(s) to draw

as you will see, i really like drawing lust from fmab

👿Least favourite fictional character(s) to draw

i've found out that unfortunately drawing olivier is not very fun for me. so sad cause i really like her

👔Design process for [x] character 

oh my god guys ask me about my magical girl designs and i will go insane i will type up a whole essay. i'll talk about kyrie cause i like her a lot

here's the design! so she drowned (or rather, was drowned by someone else) at 16 after being stalked for a couple months and eventually kidnapped. not exactly the lightest story, but bc it was so traumatic her brain erased the memories, and she doesn't find out the real cause of death until much later in the story, when kye comes across a guy who lived in kyrie's town and gets the full story.

her outfit is themed after ophelia for. obvious reasons. i looked up paintings/common interpretations of ophelia and found that she was commonly depicted in a white and gold dress with reddish-brown hair half up. oh, and flowers. so i ran with that. the white streaks in her hair were actually not part of the initial plan, but when i was using the bucket tool it left blank streaks and i just thought it looked nice.

for the flowers i chose forget-me-nots because she loses her memory, and then the hands on the skirt represent her fight to stay alive (both while drowning and before) and how she reached out for help in the months leading up to her death but no one answered. she's also, in a way, reaching for her lost memories, who she used to be, etc etc. the blue thingy in the back was initially supposed to be a mermaid tail as like. a single callback to the little mermaid (and the fact that she was a really good swimmer, so it's ironic that she drowned), but i took the mermaid aspect out & added in the two eyes.

the eyes are like. the feeling of being watched. the eye at the front will always look at kyrie no matter what, and the eye in the back will look at anyone else it can find, as if pleading for help. i just noticed the bracelet? not sure why that's there. probably just for fun. anyways the ring with the star on it is from a play called 'the princess who had no name', which is about a princess with amnesia who's trying to find out who she is and where she came from.

and finally, the weapon! it's meant to be a sparkler, like the little fireworks yk? it's a callback to the very first draft of her character from like 2 years ago, back when the kyries shared the name lylie instead & i had written absolutely nothing about her character. but i was reading through the old plot/character info a while ago and i found out she apparently really liked fireworks??? that was like my only piece of info about her. i figured since she'd changed so much it was only fair i put a little something from her roots. but the sparkler can also represent how 'bright' she appears to be; people are drawn towards her, for better or worse.

📆Earliest fandom you did fanart for/first fanart

the first fandom i remember like really being hyperfixated on was.... miraculous ladybug................. BUT i didn't make any fanart for it, so instead you get the very first real piece of art i ever made on my computer :)

shoutout to me for drawing those wings by hand. i didn't know how to use the flip tool so i just spent like 4 hours trying to make them symmetrical. and now i can't even remember how to draw butterfly wings. smh

HOLY SHIT WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED. BACK WHEN YOU FIRST SHOWED ME FAIRY TAIL I DREW HAPPY A COUPLE TIMES. I DONT HAVE ANY PICS BUT THAT'S DEFINITELY EARLIER THAN THIS. oh my god and don't even get me started on my warriors phase. wow i guess i've been making fanart since forever lol

📖Sketches 

this post is already too long. no

📝Process for [x] drawing 

my general art process is idea > rough sketch > real sketch > lineart (if applicable) > coloring > rendering > SHADE THE FUCK OUT OF THAT THING > send it to my friends and say 'anything else i should add 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺' > add a little more shading > done. you can ask me for more detailed instructions, i'd be happy to give a more in-depth tutorial about something specific

✨Inspiration for [x] drawing 

uh idk i do a lot of redraws. lately i've been doing redraws + asking friends for cool poses + looking at stock images for inspiration

💚Things you like about [x] drawing

i'll go with that aubrey piece from one of the earliest questions. i like how the emotions came across in both her expression and the coloring, and how much more fluid the pose is. i think the shading & rendering is neat. overall it's a big improvement from the piece i was redrawing so im really proud of that & it's nice to see how far i've come in a relatively short amount of time

⏳Things you’d do differently with [x] drawing

using the same drawing, uhh... idk there's some stuff with the proportions that like. sometimes looks fine to me and sometimes looks off? i really just eyeball anatomy and stuff so it's not always particularly Good. i like the colors i have here but they're not the colors i was intending to use. i didn't really know how to draw the jacket and everything i did with the top just looked strange so they're not As Detailed or 'good' as they probably could be? there's parts where i got lazy and all that but all in all i really like this drawing and nothing big really jumps out at me, these are all just nitpicks

💌Some favourite feedback on art

hmmmmmmm i really like the few like. paragraph responses i've gotten. i appreciate every single comment i get but like when people rave to you about your art???? that's so nice. i can't really pick out a critique i've heard that super super helped me off of the top of my head, but there's power in knowing what you can do better next time

#raey spam #asks <3 #long post #really long post #i hate it here why did it post all of those images one by one!!!! i purposely organized them so they would take up less space!!!11

[e-likes-bones]

💭(fav uncommon hc abt your f/o?)

💟(embarrassing/secret hc abt your f/o?)

hiii !! be silly be free my friend

jdjvj hello! you have given me ideas to consider! of which i’ll be considering for papyrus & napstablook bc i love them both & were in a silly polycule hehe!

fav uncommon headcanons? idk how uncommon it is but for papyrus its that hes autistic! and i hc him as an artist, i think hes really good at painting. also i think hed be a florist once he reaches the surface in a shop owned by asgore. for napstablook, its that they’re specifically agender (somewhat canonical w the game using they/them pronouns for them, but their specific identity is never stated & ive seen so many ut fans use he/him for napsta). (these are more than 1 but i love them i wanna talk about them)

embarrassing/secret headcanons? i dont quite have any but i can just be self indulgent here jdjcnd. in my head, i got w papyrus first, meeting while still in the underground. it took awhile to actually get close w him before asking him out due to his aversion to dogs (thanks to the annoying dog), but after bonding over art, it came naturally. then, after i met napstablook in waterfall one day, we’d be friends & i’d introduce them to papyrus, eventually both of us would fall for napstablook (probably me first lol, i’d love laying on the floor w them, its meditative). also! i’d move in w papyrus & sans lol

uhh hope these rambles answered you effectively hehe!

#tyty styx youve indulged me hehe #elliot talks to himself #puzzled pasta #space garbage #snowy supernova

[wind-becomes-lightning]

Hello there, Nisi! I am a newish follower (who is astonishingly not a porn bot!) and see that you are from Germany. I am American but visiting Berlin for the first time this summer. I’m very excited! I thought since you seem pretty friendly that I would ask if you had any recommendations for a person to see/do in Berlin. If you’ve never been (or just don’t want to answer a non-Naruto question), don’t feel obligated to answer. Thank you and have a nice day!

Hii first of all welcome and I'm sorry for everything you have to witness here!

Uh, then second: dont go to berlin. Its expensive and big and loud and people are rude and the city is dirty. I swear I went last year again because I thought maybe I remembered it wrong, but no, still a shit city, sorry Berlin.

But, if you cant divert to a better place (cologne for example) I can tell you some things we did when we went to Berlin in July (my boyfriend is polish and had never been)

The parliament building's glass roof: A really cool thing about the german parliament is that you can go up the roof, which is a big glass bowl that lets you walk up and gives you a nice view of the city.Entrance is FREE!!! but you have to register your visit online first, because there are limited places available. Its absolutely worth it was by far the highlight of our trip. I recommend taking one of the free audioguides because it was very interesting. You can also do a tour of the building which we personally did not so I cant say much about it

I know Americans are not the biggest walkers because they are used to driving around in cars,but I would recommend walking the entire way from Alexanderplatz (which is the one with the big tv tower) to the Holocaust memorial / Tiergarten. You can walk passed what people call the "muesum island", the berlin opera, then you walk down "unter den linden" towards the brandenburg gate. It full of touristy stuff if thats your sort of vibe, my bf made us go into one of those fake bavarian restaurants that serve a maß bier lol. Then the brandenburg gate and from there to the left you find the Holocaust memorial (or you just continue on to the big Tiergarten park / the zoo). I think its an hour walk tho. Bf and me did it several times when we were there.

The holocaust memorial: I assuem thats on the bucket list anyway and its hard to miss. Its worth walking through and letting it all uh.. impress you. Its very well designed to make you feel uneasy when you walk further and further inside. Just note that taking pictures like selfies and shit IN the memorial and climbing on top of the stones outside of the memorial is seen as very rude. If you find it there is a museum underground but ive never been.

Topgraphy of terror: Its another historical place related to the na zi empire etc. Its all outside, you can just walk along it and read along. It goes along a piece of the berlin wall.

The East side gallary: Very famous part where the Berlin wall has been left standing so that artists can spray paint it etc. Its larger than one would think and walking down is very nice. Its also suuuuper touristy and full. The shopping center that is near has a great Japanese Ramen place LOL

Ok the other thing that people like to visit is checkpoint charlie because it was the checkpoint between the american and the soviet sector and history happeend there when the cold war almost became a very very hot war but uh its boring, its tiny, there are soo so so so many americans aroudn LMAO. Walk past if you are in the area otherwise just look at pics online, its not worth the time

With Museums I just dont know that well. I have never visited the museum for the Berlin wall because i know most of the stuff (oops history degree), I dont visit the pergamon museum on the museums isalnd because a lot of items there are stolen and should be given back (tho I did go to the British Museum in londn too so maybe I just dont wanna overpay for entry LOL). The Museum for East germany was real nice and interesting but full full full full you could hardly walk. However Berlin has a Video Games museusm that has tons of games to play so that was a lot of fun.

The Tempelhoferfeld: when east germany was still a thing Tempelhof was its main aiport. Its now unusued of course, but the entire rollfield and such is still there! On nice days is a hotspot for people to just chill out a little or have a bbq.

I personally have not been but if you want you can visit Potsdam which is close and has a nice castle I think

General advise: use public transport. Uber is not permitted in Germany and taxis are overpriced. public transport is everywhere, especially in berlin. Just buy a pass for a few days or a daily pass or if you want to walk a lot just a single fare ticket but use public transport. They run up to late hours.

Airbnbs are not allowed in berlin so if you find one to book its breaking the law and ... like i would generally advise to just not xD

Also, not to be mean, but americans are LOUD in public and easy to hear from miles away. I dont know what it is that makes them feel that they need to scream at each other, but if germans stare at you that might well be it. Also we arent nearly as obsessed with WW2 and thanking the troops as americans are, idk you, but there wont be any veteran discount or some shit :D ive seen people complain about that on the internet if you believe me

phew this is long, my apologies. if there is something else you want to know you can message me again.. or like message me again anyway because i would be interested to know if that helped in any shape or form.

#ask things #long post

[greeenwings]

you know what? i think the process of making art is much more rewarding than its outcome. i think art’s more rewarding when you do it on a whim rather than plan it out. or maybe that’s just me or maybe it’s because i havent done anything in a long time

and you know something else? recently a thing ive realised is that many people dont understand the concept of art at all. i was speaking to this girl and i mentioned i love art and may continue it like a sideline thing till im financially stable and after that switch over to like a full time artist and she said why not choose product designing (or some fuck thing else, like UI or UX). i had to take a minute and just be like wait, what? yuck. dude do i LOOK like i wanna have a desk job and sit and do some yada yada boring im designing shit or whatever because thats exactly what art is… i dont get it. whats there not to get about art? i think a little after that it hit me that theres probably just a little bit out of the population that can fully understand what the hell art means. i mean when i say art i mean full wanna-be-somebody-wanna-make-life-out-of-making-all-my-feelings-and-visions-come-true-wanna-be-somebody-wanna-make-history-wanna-make-it-to-museums-i-wanna-make-life-i-want-to-be-true

i want to be true. to myself

i dont know if anyone’s ever fully going to understand this. maybe no one ever will but maybe im just blinded by this feeling of being lonely and non-understandable but maybe no one actually gets it but maybe im blinded by my own ego but maybe no one ACTUALLY gets it.

listen if i dont ever really make it, i dont know what im going to do with myself

recently ive not been able to go near the daily dose of how much art i make and let me tell you it’s killing me so slowly like a drug ive been ripped away from

so yeah, the idea of me sitting somewhere in my life sometime and im not successful in the field of art.. it bothers me. a lot. like a lot a lot a LOT a lot. i have these ideas and these concepts which no one else seems to have and it makes me feel similar to whatever great oil painter ive seen before and i want to be just. like. them. i want to paint. i want to do oil paint. i want to make life. i want to be painfully lost in my ability because i’ve done something great ive done something ive always wanted to do and im here and i did it. i did it. i want to be able to say i did it because if i cant, im found dead somewhere in a bathtub or in a car that crashed on a mountain highway away from the people i love, if i still have any.

i need to do something about this because i cant let this go. my brain’s too full of ideas for all of it to just go away. im going to do something about this

[high-theyre-frendough]

I don't usually reblog art on tumblr (to this page I mean, usually it goes on my main blog cause there's more followers there) but I fucking love art. I fucking love fucking comic artists with their awesome fucking comics with fucking scribbly faces that somehow perfectly encapsulate human emotion. I love traditional artists with their watercolor and crayons and oil pastels and fucking idk acrilic paint and charcoal and pencils and shit. I love seeing timelapses and expressive gestures below finished products. I love seeing it. I fucking love art thats non traditional like throwing rice or assembling Rubik's cubes. I LOVE IT ITS FUCKING GREAT. The skill and creativity. I fucking love it. I love seeing fairies and other magical creatures and scifi settings. I love seeing them so much and i would say fantasy and magic in any setting is beautiful and bassass dddd cause I love faries and shit but honestly all settings great. I fucking love it all. I WANNA SEE FUCKING INKY PAINTED CHARCOLS. fucking helle. i love the goddamn fanart of television shows and other media wirh worse art. i swear to fucking god. some of you artists dont get enough love. even """ammatures""" fuck that. youre all fcuking great. i am more of a writer than a visual artists (((not proof here but trust me when im actually writing i am fucking good at it. fuck you dad. i am good at fucking writing. See, the fucking idiot said. If I just put in active effort to write, and use the baskspace button, the writing becomes better. It is one of my few skills, therefore I feel like I can acknowledge I am good at it. Personally, like I alluded to earlier, I enjoy fantasy. I have spent years escaping into fantasy stories. Sometimes I fail to finish them, due to adhd and depression, but what I do create actually is fucking good. When I was younger, I wrote on Wattpad, and like the pretentious little shit I was, I would leave comments on all the stories I read correcting grammar. I have spent so long studying story structure (admittedly informally) and used to read a lot which, I'm trying to do more again soon. however for the purposes of this textpost, its too much effort especially in this context))) anyways fucking hell one time this person (who sounded kinda young tbh in text) messaged me on wattpad and asked for permission to make FAN ART OF THE MAIN CHARACTER OF MY STORY I WAS WORKING AT THE TIME and i was like HOLY SHIT THEY WANNA MAKE FANART OF MY CHARACTER and they did and were embarassed about it SOMEHOW and it was so good this drawing (looked great)

found it you can read the story here anyways yeah fucking artist. fucking love yoou guys hell yeah. did i mention watercolors? landscape artists? comics? comic writers who use their art as a way to communicate serious things? with non bland fucking corporate art bullshit. thank you for explaining complex issues to me in an easier way. thank you for helping translate news stories and recent issues with colorful doodles and comics to help me understand. thank you for making me more interested in graphs and statistics. thank you for making one facet of numbers that are more acceptable to me. thank you for the above average more competent graphic design. thank you so much. i love you fucking porn artists. i fucking love you furties and trans people drawing ideal selves to show EVERYONE IS AN IDEAL BODY YO SOMEONE BECAYSE EVERYONE SEES DIFFERENT AND YOURELLL FUCKING GREAT and all the beads and candy art and custom sculptures that are useeful or mayve not and doodle sn scrivles and crazy experiments. and fucking dumbass youtubers who spent $$$$ making the most creative but also stupid and useless shit you have ever seen in your goddamn life because who even thinks of theses things ans went through and did it because why the fuck not. you are infuriating but entertain my world compared to the commentators who will make their own little sketches and lectures in their own videos. fucking fucking shit. all og it. whenever i see someone go "idk if i can make animation itll look silly* WHO FUCKING CARES BRING ON THE SILLY AND LET IT SLOWLY AND SATISFYINGLY EVOLVE INTO MORE COMPLEX AND DETAILED ANIMATION FOR THR WORLD HELL YEAH I LOVE THE EVOLUTION FROM SILLY BOUNCE TO MUSIC TO COMPLEX SHORT STORIES AND SHIT YOUR GODDAMN CHARACTER ARC IS NECESSARY FOR ENTERAINMENT JUST FUCKING DO IT BECAYSE ALL PARTS ARE EQUALLY ENTERTAINING IN DIFFERENT WAYS come on just fucking draw. fellow yarn people. i know you. look at me i am you. i am an amature but fuck it ill try to keep up. fucking love you crochet and knitters and sewers making plushies and custom clothing and shit yes fuck yeah. KEEP THAT SHIT UP i just make giant enormous pride flag knitted blankets (cant make money doing that cause no one is dropping $200 for that - which would be underpaying me probably) i have seen the most intricate and detailed fucking crochet lingerie and other outfits and they are so fucking cool all of it i love it fuck yeah. i probably forgot something but for some reason i cannot feel my fingers because there is no bloodflow and they are frozen because i have undiagnosed and untreated circulatory problems

#♻️ gilded profoundness #artist #art #art stuff #transgender artists #watercolor #charchol #oil pastels #animation artists #scars cw #excessive swearing cw #all caps cw #shouting cw #excessive cursing cw #depression mention #art things #artist appreciation #artist my beloved #comic artists #statistics #artists of color #poc artists #i forgot about cosplayers but ily #art shit #fuck yeah

[ecoevoexo]

i hate the ai art debates so i dont wanna get too involved but like, ive studied art a lot, and ive been an artist my whole life. as a very disabled person i was trying to start making art my career last year, since its one of the few things i can successfully do, & im sort of giving up bc at this point it feels like a dead end.

ive also used AI art thingamabobs a bunch. its fun. its fun that you can say "femboy osama bin laden funko pop" and get something that looks like that back. at times it can be a useful way of playing around with composition, value, and palettes.

only... it's all kinda the same. because of how it works, it aggregates trends and turns them into norms. you end up with a lot of normative bodies in heroic poses in the well-lit center of a tableau.

and that's a genuine problem. not just because it weakens the visual culture & its variety, but because some of those elements (normative heroic individual) are a characteristic of conservative and fascist art.

now the question of the politics of aesthetics is a difficult one to pin down, but it's foolish to act as if aesthetics never has a political character. when i spend a lot of time engaging with AI generated images i start to have an uncomfortable nagging feeling i also get when i spend too much time looking at propaganda. i don't think this is intentional on the part of AI creators. my real worry is that it's a functional inevitable result of how AI works. the flattening of cultural output into certain unitary trends has an underlying politics, i think that can't be avoided, and that politics shows up in the content it produces.

this isn't my only problem w using AI generated images as art output, but it's one i haven't really seen people talk about. when people critique, for example, "bigtiddyanimegirltrendingonartstation" aesthetics, i notice that they rarely mention the fact that the composition of those pieces is uncomfortably uniform, and follows the same basic "heroic portrait" aesthetics one might expect from a painting of a US president, if he had big anime tiddies.

now the artist Andres Serrano is most known for his infamous work Piss Christ, but i personally find his entire output to be fascinating, because he's essentially engaging in a constant détournement of the heroic aesthetic in art. part of why Piss Christ is effective is because it is beautiful, because it shares the aesthetics of so many faithful loving representations of jesus. if you want to see what i'm talking about with fascist aesthetics, look at the pieces from Serrano's series named Shit. it's nothing but heroic photography of literal shit, and i think it's great because it enables us to examine the heroic form bereft of everything but its visual symbology.

now, there are times i quite like the heroic form. it has its place in scifi, fantasy, even in antifascist political art. i've been experimenting with using this imagery and symbology a lot in recent years while representing queer feminine otherness, as a contrast to the patriarchal world i normally find in art. the problem that i have is that our current totally-not-fascist-wink-wink era there's enough heroic art out there to dilute the reference pool. which is to say, when an AI is training, it is disproportionately exposed to art that can frequently have compositional aesthetics with a fascistic bent, and because those aesthetics are all shared (a "norm"), it will be more reinforcing on the AI's internal model than the many other potential compositional aesthetics. with a human, i can conscientiously choose to disregard the norm and try to make something different--and that's hard! it requires willpower. with an AI, everything is infected with norms.

and this doesn't just mean compositional aesthetics. it means body types, skin color, etcetera. the way these AIs currently work, at least, you have to be very skilled with your inputs to not get very normative outputs. you can see this, for example, in the nature of Loab, which essentially shows how an AI is learning to model the idea of disgustingness, and to give it a human face.

now normativity has always been a problem with art. but as we pass the creativity of the artist on to a process without conscious supervision, the risk increases.

i think some of the best most interesting AI art are failure pieces. stuff where the algorithm gets confused and limbs pop out of walls and a head is coming out of the ground, phantasmagoric morph scapes. these are things that are going to be increasingly lost with time, as AI gets more skilled. we should celebrate and explore them instead, it might help derail the machine of normativity.

i also think it's very interesting to do creative explorations of AI's internal reality, such as Loab. that's cool, genuine, creative stuff. that is, in my opinion, a good way to engage with these tools, exploring their internal structures and limits.

but i of course share concerns about the effect on artists--and it's bullshit to act like art directors won't preferentially use AI works over paying actual creatives, it's already begun to happen. the idea of the artistgeoisie that some people have is utterly out of touch with the precarious nature of creative labor in the 21st century. for more, read the book Capital Is Dead, Is This Something Worse?

i also have these aesthetic concerns. i've found most aesthetic concerns about AI to be, frankly, stupid. i don't care if it's soulless or ugly or if there's too many fingers. all those can be interesting. but i do worry that, like a lot of algorithm-based mechanization, it can function as a self-reinforcing echo chamber of some of the worst social constructs of our society.

and it raises an important question: what does it mean to bring an algorithm or a simulated neural net into the process of social construction? what are we doing to our society when we give up the reins to something that is a glorified mechanism?

[with-the-same-tattoos]

Daydreaming abt Brahms a lot HAS lead to me also daydreaming in general abt finding some rich spouse who i could be the trophy spouse to and who would just provide me oil paints & let me paint my shitty kitch art all day (and clean and cook i guess) (which im not good at) and a roof to live under in isolation but then I remember im ugly as shit and emotionally & socially unable to provide company and so yeah. I'm the admittance fee someone had to pay to get into the competition that they loose, not the trophy spouse.

#this is all just to say #i just wanna paint all day #and dissappear #and sleep #god #i wanna paint so bad 24/7 and live in the countryside #and not have my paintings be seen i dont wanna be an artist i just wanna paint and chill #brahms please ill put on a wig & be ur awkward greta doll just get me some oil paints

[kienansidhe]

saw a tiktok that was making fun of a "white boomer art show" and i was expecting it to have like some bad knockoff fake native art or smth cause ive seen that a lot here in oklahoma but it was just. a normal looking milquetoast art show. white ppl milling around. a dog. some landscape paintings and ceramics and stuff. like nothing offensive, just p average nice pretty handmade stuff.

and ppl in the comments were saying all sorts of mean shit, like oh theres no soul its completely inoffensive and void and boring, oh wow another painting of a sunset over water, youre forgetting abt the handmade soaps lol, this is what you make when youve never suffered, stuff like that. and i wanna talk abt why i find this rlly upsetting?

im not here to be like oh no dont be mean to white ppl, but white ppl arent the only ppl who make milquetoast, comfy, inoffensive art. there are plenty of artists of color who like to just make nice, simple, pretty stuff too! not everything we make has to be about our suffering! we are human fucking beings and that means we probably like sunsets and simple homemade crafts, because guess what? thats fucking normal. i say this as someone who spends an unreasonable amount of time to defend my right to make dark, tortured trauma art: art can be lukewarm and blandly pleasant too. its okay, its a healthy and relaxing outlet for lots of ppl, and acting like plain, pretty art is only for privileged white ppl is so??? nasty? spiteful? and it throws so so so many artists of color under the bus for this superiority complex of a narrative that only art that comes from suffering is real, valid, Good Art. and that fucking blows.

like im all for mocking shitty ppl, but im begging ppl to take a moment to think abt what specifically they are mocking. dont mock shitty ppls physical features that they cant control, good ppl with those same features can hear you and it hurts! dont mock shitty ppl for making pleasant art of sunsets and handmade soap, good ppl who make pleasant art of sunsets and handmade soap bc they havent lost their appreciation for every new sunset and hands on crafts and nice scents are pleasant and fulfilling can hear you and it fucking sucks to hear our crafts being shit on and like. ceded over to white ppl???

like yes! there are 10283782287 paintings of the sunset out there and on an average day i dont find them noteworthy. but someone looked up, saw something beautiful in the world, and took the time to put it on a canvas. billions of humans have stopped and appreciated the sunset, and if you think thats white you can fuck right off. crafts and artisan work are skilled work that both have practical application and can be used to make art pieces as well, something beautiful to the eye, something everyone can enjoy, and sure, a simple wheel thrown bowl is not going to evoke some deep facet of ~~colored suffering~~ but i can eat some fucking soup out of it and it looks nice and some of us have fought hard for the learning and access to be able to make simple little things like that, so calling those objects white and soulless is also fucking disgusting.

i dont care if you hate white ppl, i dont care if you wanna tell some individual white person that their art specifically is soulless, im not gonna die on the hill of protecting white ppl from mean comments. but i do care abt the artists of color who worry that our work isnt original or meaningful or valuable because it ~~doesnt tell a story~~ or it ~~doesnt offend anyone~~ or its ~~just another landscape painting~~. are we obligated to only ever talk and think abt and express our suffering in order to be valid artists of color? if we choose, after whatever weve gone thru, to make some fucking sea spray scented soap for whatever our own reasons, are you secretly sneering at us too, or do you only do that until we tell you hey, i, a person of color, made that plain, inoffensive thing youre too bitter about to even mind your own business, let alone appreciate it?

if simple, pretty, comfort art is not your thing thats okay! its not for you! you can walk away! but dont write off entire crafts and styles and genres as ~~white nonsense~~ just because it doesnt appeal to you personally. i swear to god i will steal all your ~~fine art~~ and burn it. youre not better for making provocative art, youre just expressing things in your own personal way, making the art you need to make. let other ppl do the same.

#headspace #art #ask to tag #im a little bit triggered cause i have some specific personal trauma abt this kind of thing #so please excuse me if i worded anything poorly #okay to reblog #please do tbh

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

#wonder egg priority #wonder egg spoilers #ai ohto #rika kawai #momoe sawaki #wonder egg priority neiru #i forgot neirus name #anime review #wonder egg ai #lgbtq anime

[unkownknowledge]

Been reading about the berserk author, Kentaro Miura, passing away. At first I was sad because he was someone who spent 30 years of his life on art, and nothing I can write here will express what I mean by that.

But now that I'm seeing his art, and becoming progressively frustrated that I can't find berserk at an affordable price due to not having a job(not unemployed, just a high schooler), I'm even more upset because I realize he didn't just dedicate his life to art:

His life WAS art.

The details are incredible, not a page I've seen has been anything less than a master piece, and it feels like everything I've ever wanted in a fantasy setting just compacted into billions of atom sized containers were used to make the paint or ink or whatever he used to make this masterpiece.

And it made me think "wow, I wanna write how this guy draws."

But then I also read about his influence: dark souls, monster hunter, bloodborne, all those masterpieces were inspired BY HIM! And you know what they have in common? Barely anything! Sure they have big monsters, darkness, all that, but the contrast is still so big that it's practically a physical wall(gameplay not withstanding entirely).

And it made me realize: I dont want to write how he draws, I want to write how he makes me think, how he makes me feel. I want to write all the feelings of smallness I feel when I see his bug lumbering horrors, of the lightness in my chest I feel seeing the same monsters killed by a mere man with a big hunk of metal, I want to write everything he makes me feel and make it my story, and then others might do the same to me.

And it's not just him I or anyone else can draw inspired from: look at the artist you love, even if you dont make the same art: Van Gogh, Lovecraft, George Lucas, Toby Fox, and anyone else you love the work of. If you want to make art, don't just copy what they do, copy how they make you feel!

_____________________________

Sorry for the rant, I just felt that, after the death of such a great man I should post how he inspires me even though I've barely heard of him until a day ago.

#berserk #rant #art #kentaro miura

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

ok so we have seen over and over again people's assumptions about how gg main characters's instagrams would look like but how do you think their secret tumblr blogs would be? 👀

hmm! i just went over tumblr in general, because i don’t think all of them would have ‘secret’ tumblrs per say? everyone’s thing under the cut, cause it got SO long. i did not mention chuck because i don’t rlly see chuck as having a tumblr in any universe tbh - i feel like he would think it takes away from his businessy vibe or something.

dan's main would be something with a ts eliot url, like, a snippet from one of his poems, or it would be a whitman url, a snippet from a poem again (i see him with a whitman url of some kind & maybe his blog title is an eliot reference.) dan would 100% have the whole dark academia thing going in some ways, i think his blog would be organised as a grid, and he would reblog pictures of libraries, museums, occasionally of art, and also, quotes. so many quotes. so much literature. if you've been on tumblr long enough you know exactly the kind of blog i'm talking about.

dan's tumblr sideblog, on the contrary, would have nothing to link it to him. it'd probably be the tumblr default theme, pastel colours or something... i feel like dan is the specific genre of trans kid who uses a different set of pronouns online for anonymity purposes and then goes "wait a minute i like these pronouns BETTER". his url would be something extremely mundane and random like coffeeaddict779 or something, and it would be all #vent and #dont reblog. nobody who's following his sideblog knows what his main is, and vice versa.

serena would i think have one of those "be kind, do no harm :)" kind of hipster tumblr blogs, except she's incredibly sincere. she wouldn't have a sideblog, i don't think? and i don't think she'd attach her name to it in any way, probably just pronouns in bio and maybe a 'call me S'. she and dan would be mutuals on dan's main! her blog will be very, uh. aesthetic pictures, reblogs of dolphin videos and music and WIP art videos and anything else that'll catch her eye. she'll tag blair in fashion vids, nate in sailing posts, dan in literary stuff, and vanessa in film related/photography related things. she's having fun! every now and then she'll post a vent post but it's extremely vague and it's either something everyone who knows her irl already knows about her ('i hate my mom so much') or something that says practically nothing ('i am so worried about my brother and wish i could do more to help him.')

jenny's fashion inspo blog!!!! what more do you want me to say. she'd make it big in the fashion community and get anons all the time and she'd probably also have an etsy where she sells things she's sewn and made. everyone sort of knows she's an up and coming designer and she'd find a good community online hopefully!!! her blog would be something simple, with a url like jennydesigns or something (i bet that's taken rn, i havent checked) and her theme would be one of those themes that allows for u to have big images. she would probably post vents in the same way serena does, tag them #personal or #rambles, and have that neat code that allows for the tag to be filtered out whenever anyone views her page on desktop, you know?

i think eric would not have anything specific that he posts. he would just reblog random things - memes, things he finds interesting, jenny's original posts, stuff serena tags him in, cat videos, lgbtq+ positivity, etc. he'd try and stay out of drama (i think he'd turn anon off eventually.) he’d also post a lot of music reblogs or links, i feel?

vanessa's main blog would be one where she posts her own photos and films. because she's professional about it, it'd probably just be @ vanessaabrams. she'd have a sideblog specifically for reblogging other people’s work because she wants to support other artists, and it would be vanessareblogs or something like that, and her bio would mention “main tumblr @ vanessaabrams”. she’d be much adored in the photo/film community and just in general, because she’s one of the few people who hypes up other creators all the time and leaves nice comments in tags and all that. every now and then serena reblogs vanessa’s photography onto her blog and it almost always blows up, but vanessa doesn’t mind. i don’t think vanessa would have a vent blog or even a personal tag, she gives me big ‘i wanna keep my business totally off the net’ kind of vibes.

nate’s blog would be a lot like serena’s except, uh, more openly wanderlusty i think. a LOT of ocean reblogs. every now and then he reblogs keroauc quotes from dan which the girls find extremely hilarious. he talks a lot about sailing and gets a lot of sailing anons. he’d reblog a lot of positivity (mostly because he knows his friends are following him and he wants to brighten up their dash.) dan and vanessa jokingly dm him weed aesthetic posts all the time, but every time they do he reblogs and tags it ‘sent to me’ or somehting like that, and they cant decide whether to be flattered or embarrased. i think nate would also attract a lot of anons who ask for advice and it is something he never expected people coming to him for, but he definitely listens and shares whatever he’s got to say all the same. he’s this blog who should be weirdly niche but everyone sort of knows him and likes him.

saving the best for the last, lol. i have SO many thoughts about blair’s tumblrs. 

i think she’d have a main tumblr that’s solely for classic film stuff (audrey! and more) and that’d be @ blairwaldorf, because, well, duh. i think she’d pay for a tumblr theme and get one of those really fancy and cute ones, like a floralcodes ms paint theme. i think she’d also have a sideblog that’s less serious, where she’d reblog things from tv shows, reblog things serena or nate have tagged her in, write her own meta for fandoms she’s in, just generally be a multifandom mess with a #personal tag but nothing too personal. it would still be classy, because she’s blair, but on this blog, she’s just a girl having fun.

and then she’d have a THIRD blog, a sideblog that doubles up as a vent blog. and this one isn’t linked to her other two in an obvious way, nobody knows it’s her, etc. on here she’d probably post a lot about her ed (but i think in a  ‘i am struggling and i want to bitch’ way, not in a thinspo way - that’s a whole conversation i have no spoons for, so let’s not go there), she’d post about her insecurities and worries but it would be extremely untraceable. she’d have a fancy theme on this one too, despite it being a vent blog. 

hm. now im thinking of the potential of like. dan and blair interacting super frequently on their vent blogs and neither of them knowing it’s the other person!

#meta #this was fun! thanks for the ask #i was initally gonna edit graphics #who knows i still may #but i realised that would take WAYYY too long #so have my words instead #anon #tumblr au #so i can find later if i need it

[babysizedfics]

janus trying to get child virgil to socialize and it ending in bullying

tw: angst, bullying (not violent) between children, ableism against an (undiagnosed) autistic child

janus always knew that it was healthy to get a child to socialize with other children especially since virgil was not enrolled in education in the mindscape, janus homeschooled him. so when virgil was 6 yrs old he started taking him to a playgroup at weekends (virgil was still mostly mute but occassionally said single words if he needed something like "hungry" or "sleep" or "change")

and janus stayed during the playtime for the first two or three weeks so that virgil got used to the nanny and the environment. janus informed her that virgil was still in diapers and she did look down on that a little and told janus he should get him potty trained ASAP but janus was trying his best.

but for all that time virgil refused to go and play with the other children and just clung to janus, so eventually janus was like okay Virgil, janus is going to go outside for a while then i'll be right back, dont worry this nice lady will look after you - and leaves virgil there for the hour, trying to encourage him to get used to being separated from janus

then when he comes to collect him virgil immediately runs back to him and clings so hard and janus is worried. he asks the nanny how was he did he throw any tantrums did he ask for me and she says he was fine, he did cry a bit at the beginning but then some older kids helped him feel beter - and janus is like oh!! thats amazing thank you!!

and as he carries virgil home virgil is completely silent but janus is like did you have fun? was it nice to play with the older kids? i bet you had lots of fun! and virgil would just cling to him and janus assumed he was shy from interacting with people

so that happened a couple more times, janus left virgil there and virgil wouldnt speak but he wouldnt cry and cling to janus or anything either, so he assumed it was just shyness - there was one time his white hair had clumps of various colours of paint in it and the nanny and janus chuckled over him having an artistic streak

until one day when he comes back a little earlier to pick virgil up just because they had to get to the store before it shut or something - so he shows up early and all the kids are running around playing with toys and stuff, and he spots virgil with a group of three older boys and he starts to smile - until he notices virgil sucking his thumb, which is mainly a sleepy or a nervous habit

so he frowns and steps into the nursery closer trying to swerve around giggling kids and toddlers running around, and he starts to hear the boys

"he wont do that hes only a baby" "no he's not, he's like 4!" "yeah but i seen he always wears a diaper!" *giggles* "i bet he wont do it!" "yeah he will, he will!" "go on tell him to do it!"

and little virgil is just curled into himself and sucking his thumb and looking at their feet because he doesnt like looking at peoples eyes.

and one of the boys says "hey, you gotta eat this!" and holds out a piece of modelling clay and janus' heart races in the few seconds it takes for virgil to start whimpering and step back and another boy quickly pull him closer and insist "the nany said you have to or you'll be in trouble! don't you wanna be good for your weird daddy?" and hear the other boys laughing as virgil sniffles and pulls his thumb out of his mouth ready to reach for the clay

janus RUSHES in and scoops virgil into his arms and coos "no virgil, no no shh you dont need to do that, darling" and virgil immediately starts to cry into his shoulder and clings tight, and literally all janus has to do is look at the little boys - with his pierced lip and his snake tattoo and his scarred face - and the boys run away.

and janus FURIOUSLY storms over to where the nanny was helping a little girl brush a dolls hair and demand to know why she didnt notice those boys trying to force his child to eat clay - and shes pretty flippant like ohh no those boys have always been well behaved, im sure they werent forcing virgil to do anything,

but janus insists and yells that his child was being manipulated by thise boys and she did nothing to stop it and she argues that maybe virgil was just a little confused and wanted to eat the clay - janus is incredulous "are you saying my child is stupid??" "no no not stupid. perhaps special?" she suggests quite condescendingly - and janus looks enraged but the nanny insists that he please leave in case he scare the children. he hisses "gladly." they never go back

janus never learns what the boys did to virgil/made him do in the previous sessions - virgil doesnt have the comminicative capacity to tell him - but he can obviously make an educated guess that the paint in virgils hair that one time probably wasnt his choice

and after that janus never tried to take virgil to that playgroup again. they tried some others over the years, maybe another couple, but they ended similarly, with virgil being picked on - mostly for his albinism or for not being able to speak or basically anything the other kids saw as different.

a few years later he took virgil to an older boys club - the club was maybe like a wilderness thing, where they learn to tie knots and use a compass and stuff - it was when he was about 11 years old and could finally speak in full sentences, so janus thought virgil being able to talk to the other kids would finally give him an opportunity to make some friends. though janus didnt yet realise that virgil was selectively mute, and still couldnt speak with strangers

so when janus picked him up from the first session, he found virgil shaking and tearful standing outside of the club with a big wet patch on his pants and a group of the other boys all sniggering and pointing and whispering a few feet away from him. virgil had gone mute at the club, which became an issue when he needed the bathroom but couldnt ask the club leader where it was or if he could go, and led to a very upsetting and humiliating accident in front of all the other boys.

at that point janus knew he wouldnt be bringing virgil back to that club either, and they basically gave up on getting virgil to socialize with kids his age since it kept ending in virgil being bullied for his differences

...

nowadays i think only janus and virgil (and eventually virgils therapist, dr picani) know about these incidents, janus would never tell anyone else abt them and virgil wouldnt want to relive them by telling his family. so janus is really the only one who realises that virgil being so affected by the cyberbullying he experienced in the past couple of years wasnt just about the cyberbullying, but it probably resurfaced old traumatic memories too

#this one im a lil insecure abt so if you could pls comment or send an ask if u have the energy that would be rlly appreciated #very different from our regular content on this blog #but thsi was surprisingly healing for me to write so i hope at least one of you appreciates it too hdhsh #little/big concepts #nana janus #kid virgil #child virgil #bullying tw #ableism mention #little ​angst