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fuckyeahevile · 4 years

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Matt’s statement:

“This is an incredibly difficult statement to write, but I have to announce that I am stepping down as the frontman of Evile and leaving the world of live music. I want to make sure I explain this decision fully and effectively, as fans of the band, especially the people who have followed Evile from the beginning, deserve so much more than just a slapped together, generic, easily press digestible ‘band member leaves band’ paragraph. Evile has been a very large part of my life, something I have given a huge amount of energy and time to, and this is a decision which I have agonised over for a long time as it’s something I care about deeply, but it’s a decision I have to make. So, please allow me to explain it as best I can. There are two main reasons for this decision, firstly there is family. Since starting Evile, I had very few commitments, allowing me to sink as much time as possible into the band, but in the past several years that has changed. I became a stepfather to two young girls around a very traumatic time for them, and very shortly after became a father to my own daughter. The time that I have had available to pursue music has been vastly cut down, and considering the future when live music becomes possible again, the demands of a touring band lifestyle are not as viable and realistic for me anymore, as my duties as a father to three children outweigh anything else. I don’t want to be away from my family for large amounts of time, and outside of my full time employment I don’t want to divide 50% effort and time to the band and 50% to my family as I feel like I would be giving each side half of the time they really deserve, and if I have to choose which one I want to give priority and 100% to, it is my family. I don’t want to go out as a frontman who is only half prepared, half practised and half ready, as Evile and its wonderful followers deserve better than that - and on the other side of that, I don’t want to be away from home for long periods of time and not be around to help my children grow up, they deserve better than that, and I don’t want to miss out on any part of their lives. The other reason is my health. I’ve always said that I would do Evile for as long as possible, either until I’m dead or until I can physically no longer manage performing on stage. I have come close to the former, but the latter is now where things are (when compared to the former, a relief). Over the past couple of years I have had a non-stop run of health problems, mostly chest related, including costochondritis, several chest infections, a spontaneous collapsed lung (which I stupidly thought was another chest infection) and then kidney stones and a few other health detours. This all relates to singing, which is something that is nowhere near a natural ability or talent of mine, it’s something that I have had to work incredibly hard on to get to where I managed, which let’s face it, isn’t exactly anywhere spectacular, I’m never going to end up on anybody’s favourite vocalist list (although there is one thing I’ll mention later). But, the amount of upkeep it takes to maintain what vocal range/power/lung capacity I have/had to a usable standard is ridiculous, and my annoying health issues make that obstacle ever harder to overcome, made even more difficult by my limited available time to do so, it comes down to me accepting that I can’t do everything and I certainly can’t do everything and stay healthy. A singing voice is a muscle and I always had the time to spend training it so I could keep it in a decent place for getting through a tour. Now, my health issues of late have destroyed what singing voice I had, and in the past several months of starting vocal training all over again, getting somewhere, getting ill, starting all over again, getting ill, starting all over again, and so on - I have come to realise that I just don’t enjoy singing anymore and I’ve had to be very harsh with myself to realise that truth. I was never the best frontman, or the best singer, and Evile deserve to have a frontman who can give 100% to that craft, and I am fully confident that person is out there and can help take them to that next level where I hope and believe they can go, nothing would make me happier than to see the band be a real success. For twenty years I have had the great pleasure of writing and performing music with my brother Ol, Ben, Mike, Joel and Piers in Evile. It has taken us to places I never imagined, locations I never thought I would get to visit, let alone go to these places to play music for people who were willing to hear it. I’m proud of the band’s achievements so far, touring with some incredible bands such as Megadeth, Exodus, Kreator, Overkill, Voivod, Sepultura, Three Inches of Blood, Entombed, Forbidden, Machine Head, Amon Amarth, Satyricon, Gama Bomb, Warbringer, Dr. Living Dead, Lightning Swords of Death, Sanctity, Mutant, Pitiful Reign, Seregon, Onslaught and more, then getting to see pretty much all of America, Canada and a vast majority of Europe, living in Copenhagen for a month recording a debut album with Flemming Rasmussen and using some of the same gear used to record Lightning/Puppets, recording three albums with Russ Russell, releasing four albums with Earache Records, having songs featured on Rock Band, having a song in a Neil Jordan film (Ondine), getting into the UK charts, having original album artwork created by Michael Whelan (did you know the band members are hidden on that cover?), being on the front cover of Terrorizer magazine, playing at some amazing festivals and meeting some incredible people from all walks of life. There are plenty more to mention, plus all the brilliant things I’m grateful to have seen, which I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t in the band, like a small ‘up close and personal’ acoustic Skunk Anansie set in the press tent at Sonisphere (Paranoid and Sunburnt is one of my desert island discs, I had the chance to chat to them after their set but completely bottled it and will forever regret it), but I want to mention just a couple of other things while I have chance to do so. I’m proud of my contributions to Evile’s music, whether it’s riffs or sections here and there, or entire songs (Burned Alive, Plague to End All Plagues, Long Live New Flesh, The Naked Sun) but i’m proudest of the lyrics and vocal lines I contributed, which is roughly half of Enter the Grave, most of Nations, most of Five Serpent’s Teeth (for those two records however, Ol and Russ deserve a lot of credit for guiding me through parts I intended to sing, telling me it was nonsense after I tried it, and helping me find the correct choices, that was invaluable in making the albums as good as they could be) and nearly all of Skull - which is where I want to point back to what I mentioned about singing earlier, as while I acknowledge it isn’t a natural ability and I’m not the strongest or even that impressive of a vocalist, I will always be glad that my performance of Tomb exists on that album, it was a hugely personal thing to perform and record and I’ll be forever proud that I got to do that and do it as well as I possibly could, that is my favourite album of the four I got to be part of. I also want to quickly mention that I’m proud of being connected to Jackson Guitars for so many years, it’s an honour to have been in their catalogue too, I’ve played Jacksons for as long as I’ve been playing guitar, so I would like to thank them for being so kind to me for the 14 years I’ve been associated with them. This is a lot to read, but I want to get all of this written down as I’m trying to process my twenty years of experiences and thoughts on so many things connected to playing music, into several paragraphs, there’s a lot I would love to say, but I’m not one to outstay my welcome. I want to finish with a couple of things, one of them being a big regret I will have about leaving the band, that I never got to play a show with Metallica, that was my biggest personal goal in playing live music, not fame or anything material, I just wanted to play a show with the band that changed my life. Even just meeting James Hetfield would have been enough for me, but I guess that’s one personal goal I’ll have to live with missing the chance on. More important than the personal things I’ve just written about though, is one of my main areas of pride, and that is Evile’s fans, I’ve always been so proud to be able to say that Evile has such wonderful and dedicated fans, it has been a pleasure to meet so many of you, to stand on a stage and play music for you, to see and hear you singing lyrics and vocal lines that I’ve written, to see all that headbanging madness, I will truly miss getting on a stage to play those songs, so I would like to say a real thank you to everyone who has spent time listening to these first four albums and come to shows to see us play live while I got the chance to do it, I will miss your headbanging and energy like you wouldn’t believe, but I will never forget it. Lastly, and very importantly, I want to mention Mike. A person I wouldn’t have known if it wasn’t for being part of this band, one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met, a true heavy metal soul and a gentleman. This is one of the biggest things I’ve struggled with in my decision, I’m so sorry to him, that I can’t do my bit in continuing his legacy as a part it anymore. It breaks my heart to leave something that he was such a big part of, and that I was a part of with him, something that he was doing when we lost him. My hope is that, as a father himself, he would understand the decision I’m making. I’m taking all of my memories of Mike with me, and every year will always have a glass ready to raise on the day he entered this world, and on the day he left it. Thank you to everyone for reading this, hopefully I’ve written it well enough so you understand my reasoning. Please continue to support Evile as much as you ever have done, I wish the band all the success possible on their future journey, it’s been twenty years of extreme highs and lows, and everything in-between, I’m proud to be able to say I was part of it and I’ll be following where it goes from here with great interest, as a lifelong fan. My intention is to still play the Enter the Grave/Mike Alexander tribute show, whenever that may happen, as it would mean a tremendous amount to me to be able to pay tribute to Mike in a proper way, by playing the album he contributed the most to. But as of now, I am no longer part of the band. Please can I ask that people do not message me directly, I won’t be able to respond. Instead, please leave a comment below if you wish to say anything, positive or negative. The only thing I ask with that, is that you please remain respectful, whatever you want to say, good or bad, as the world has enough problems at the moment, and one of the things it needs is for people to think about what they say and care about how they say it. Thank you all again for your time in reading this, and thank you all for your time and energy given to Evile while I’ve been part of it. For the penultimate time (the last time will be the Enter the Grave/Mike show)... I salute you all.”

#Evile #Matt Drake

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bewareofchris · 4 years

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Help! My plot is stalled!

It’s alright, friends. We’ve all been there, sitting at a desk or laying in our beds, staring at the screen wondering what in the holy beef jerky has gone wrong because our ability to write has just come to a screeching halt.

We’re uninspired.

We’re unmoved.

We’re incapable of figuring out what happens next.

It’s time like this that our instinct is to grab a machete and start cutting through extraneous characters like a boiled steak knife through Jell-O. We’re throwing romantic curve balls and car crashes at our protagonist so quickly they don’t have time to recover from one before they’re being traumatized by another.

Sometimes, we think, now is the time to reveal that our beloved Protagonist is actually an alien from another planet who survives by consuming the souls of lap dogs and his insatiable thirst for Pekineses is causing him great distress because the human mate he has chosen for himself has three such delicious morsels.

BUT, never fear my friends. Here are some ideas to help you get out of that hellish valley of despair and back on track.

Take a break. Have a snack. Stretch your limbs. Go for a walk. Call a friend who listens to things and explain to them how your story is stupid and you hate it and it won’t move. You don’t need to let your friend talk at all. Just keep complaining about your story until suddenly you realize what went wrong.

Daydream about what your character would do if you were to suddenly abandon him/her with six kids under the age of 5 at a busy theme park. Or what he/she would do if they suddenly found themselves trying to talk two very angry kingly types out of starting a civil war because they disagree on which side of their toast to spread butter on. Put your character in the MOST ridiculous scenario you could possibly imagine. Make them rationalize their way out of it. Don’t make it easy. Six kids under the age of 5 when you’ve never dealt with children is basically hell. Let your character suffer, and fail, improve and finally win (or at least survive).

Fantasize about beating your characters with a metal pipe. Imagine their pleas for mercy as they try in vain to remind you that they are fictional constructs and this is not their fault.

Once you’ve cleaned your system of these violent urges toward non-real people, sit back down. Re-read what you’ve written, if it’s still as bad as you thought it was, here are some actual bits of advice:

Regardless of what Rafiki once said about moving on and forgetting the past, the problem that you are presently experiencing is mostly caused by something that went wrong in the recent events of your story. Take another look at the latest choices that your main or side characters made and ask yourself if maybe them making A DIFFERENT CHOICE might put your story back to rights.

Take another look at your character and his/her story so far. Is your character excelling in every facet of his/her life? Have they faced any obstacles that amounted to more than a mild inconvenience? Are they generally well-liked? Respected? Do they have noticeable faults? Are these faults presented in a way that allows other people to be annoyed by them? Have these faults gotten in the character’s way? If your main character is Too Good and Such Winning or Basically Useless and Always Failing then your story is imbalanced and it can’t move forward because you’re not allowing the protagonist to experience growth and change.

Are there relationships? Friendships? Family? Rivalrys? ROMANCE? You need relationships of at least 2 different types in a story. Preferably more. And they can’t all be the same kind with different names. And they need to also be developing with your characters. So Protag makes an unpopular choice with his family but his BFF is loving it and his Romantic Interest thinks it could be good for him. You have so much material right there!

DO. NOT. MURDER. ANYONE. Dismemberment is okay if you really want to have to take the time out of your story to focus on the emotional and physical effects that a traumatic event inflicts on your protagonist.

DO NOT MAKE YOUR ROMANTIC INTERESTS HATE EACH OTHER OVER SOMETHING STUPID. Please. Please don’t do this. It’s really just not worth it. If you make them so angry at one another they’re screaming death threats and then the next day they’re like: I guess we love one another again you cheapen the impact. If this is a story about overcoming things and growing as people and forgiveness then yes, break them up and get them back together but don’t do it just to have an exciting screaming sequence. Or do. I mean, you do you.

Instead of tearing your couple apart, have them get together. Have them spend a weekend doing silly, childish, amazing things. Let them smooch, and cuddle, and eat candy together. Let them waste money they don’t staying overnight in a fancy hotel.

Visit a Significant Character from your Protag’s past because they are in need of comfort and guidance. Allow them to reminisce about the good old days, and whine about how they don’t feel like they’ll ever be that happy again. Let your Significant Character hit your Protag with a rolled up newspaper. STOP BEING A NINNY, PROTAG. STOP IT IMMEDIATELY.

Give your Protag an unexpected promotion. You were just a kid that cleaned stables, but we noticed that you’ve got a real way about you that suggests you’re WIZARD MATERIAL. Build that Protag up, let him feel pride and joy and love.

(And then make the person that promoted him have questionable morals. Make him vaguely untrustworthy. Watch your starry-eyed protag battle against a shady man of questionable intentions to see who wins in the end! But not with the fate of the whole world. Like the fate of a small village at most.)

Give your Protag the single worst day of his entire life that does not involve physical altercations and/or death. Maybe he/she pulled a muscle having athletic sex that morning, was distracted by the pain in the shower,got soap in their eyes, limped to the car to find it was out of gas, went to a busy gas station, got coffee that was too cold to enjoy, was late to work, had more work than usual, the pain meds never started working, left his lunch at home, couldn’t buy anything because they ran out of time, had to listen to the Obnoxious Co-Worker next to them complaining about Obnoxious Co Workers Obviously Useless Significant Other for an hour and a half, left work late, forgot about plans to meet up with a friend, got ignored by friend at meet up, comes home and collapses in a pile of self-pity and physical pain and has Significant Other rub their aching pulled muscle and listen to their complaints.

You could do a car wreck, or you could just ruin your Protag’s entire life by having the transmission die in the middle of traffic.

The point I’m trying to get across here is that you have to have a journey that is balanced with ups and downs. If you’re only going up, or you’re only going down, or you’re not going anywhere at all but straight forward on a 300 mile car trip across a flat surface with no trees, there’s no story there.

You could shoot someone, or you could have your Protagonist do something that injures their relationship with their Best Friend and Confidante. Then your Protag protests their innocence to the point that it’s obvious they are being Stupid now. Let them roll around in undeserved pity. Let nobody else agree with them, and still they refuse to acknowledge they are stupid. And then let them FINALLY, sort of, a little, admit they were wrong and instead of them offering a half-assed apology and moving on like it never happened, make them work to repair the damage they inflicted.

Put your Protag in a position where they have to defend a friend/family member or romantic interest in a non-physical way. Susan from Biology was telling Quentin and Theodore that Protag’s BFF eats his own snot. And Protag is like OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO GO FIND SUSAN AND SCREAM A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER AT HER. (or start vicious rumors about her behind her back, and take utterly glee at her humiliation, and then finally think: did I go to far? I don’t think I went too far.)

DO. NOT. GET. SOMEONE. PREGNANT. Do you knows what happens when someone’s pregnant? They end up with a baby. (Or a miscarriage.) That pregnancy cannot be handwaved away. If you’re not here to write about the amazing journey from sex to birth and lifetime of parenting that follows, you are not here to get someone knocked up for the drama.

Sure, let your Protag develop a desperate attraction to someone’s that not the Primary Love Interest but if the Primary Love Interest and Protag already have sexual and romantic tension building between them, maybe let the audience know that this is one of those things where you’re lonely and you want companionship and it’s not really that fair to Someone You Just Met and Now Want to Have Sex With. Let Primary Love Interest struggle to be supportive. or let Protag and Primarily Love Interest be mean-spirited little shits and mock the poor Someone You Just Met.

DO. NOT. MURDER. AN. ENTIRE. VILLAGE. Did a spell go bad? Did a curse escape? Did your magical being accidentally create a sixteen foot tall metal horse with a thirst for squirrel hearts? Remember that wholesale murdering of innocent side characters nobody cares about does effectively nothing for your story. Don’t kill the entire village. Let your character freak out because he/she misplaced a curse and ANYONE COULD HAVE IT. Let them ransack the village developing a reputation as a mad man to find it. Let him work furiously to develop a cure to the curse and refuse to rest until everyone’s been inoculated against said Curse, and then idk, he finds it on the floor under his work station. Or, let him realize a curse is missing and he just kind of says nothing while he watches the village to see how effective it is.

SIDE QUESTS, so here me out. This works best for longer stories and serial type works of fiction, but if your character has only one goal and never any other goals or distractions or purposes or interests you are seriously shooting yourself in the foot. Don’t focus all your energy on Protag Loves Love Interest. Protag also has Family Drama. (Did you hear that Bobert is trying to buy a fucking boat? A boat! Why does he need a boat! He can’t swim. He’s going to die. A boat. A god damn boat.) Protag has ambitions at work that are being undercut by Evil Boss. (And anyway, Worst Boss Ever, he just comes over and drops this massive work load on my desk and he smiles at me because the Main Boss is coming tomorrow and my desk will be the only one covered in unfinished work. What choice do I have? I can’t quit, I need this promotion, so I stick to it. I stay late, I work as hard as I can and...)

I know it’s not for everyone but Sex. Unless your characters are Too Young to have a developed sexuality, that sexuality needs to be in your story. I mean, if your entire story takes place and Grandma’s funeral, then you probably can skip this one. But if your story takes place over any length of time, sex and sex-adjacent things need to be brought up. They don’t need to be graphic. They don’t need to be gross. It can be a kiss, or the yearning for a kiss. It can be a meaningful, flirtatious touch. It can be the idea of a flirtatious touch. There can be complaints of a need for flirtatious touches. To each their own comfort level, but some sense of sexuality and how that is a Driving Urge in your character is also good.

Introduce a Rival. Go ahead. Let your uncontested King of Bowling protag meet a New Challenger. Send them spiral with fear that they may not be top dog anymore.

Force your Protag and Antagonist to form a momentary truce. Let them come to some understanding of the other that makes their future interactions more difficult.

Strike your Protag with a Great Unfairness. They didn’t get the promotion. They couldn’t pay the bills. They weren’t selected to be court jester. They didn’t get to the store on time. Someone else got to the top of the summit before them and now they’re basically trash to history.

Randomly have your supposed Antagonist turn out to Actually a Decent Guy that you’ve been blaming for all the wrongs in the world because it was convenient and really the actual antagonist can’t be defeated because he/she overpowers you somehow. But with Actually a Decent Guy and his Surprisingly Nice Friends and you and your friends, you stand a chance.

Push your protagonist into a mud puddle. Just for shits and giggles, make it so there’s not a dead body in there with him. Or put one in if you want. Nothing says ‘happy fun times at plot-stalled high’ like a decomposing corpse where one shouldn’t be.

Break your Protagonists heart, and let there be people that love them.

Have fun, take your time, embrace the mundane and ridiculous aspects of life. ALWAYS give your character flaws, and make them aware of them, and let them grow. That’s the story. All the other nonsense, the car wrecks and gunshots, and serial killers doesn’t matter in the end. The reader is looking for Relationships That Matter and Characters that Grow. Characters that stink of humanity, that reflect something about human beings the reader has met (or the reader themselves). They want to connect, they want to love your character and they can’t do that if your character is Perfect. Nobody’s perfect. Stories stagnate when they can’t grow. Let your story grow. Let your characters grow.

#On Writing

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walviemort · 5 years

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a bump in the right direction (2/3)

Summary: Killian likes Robin. Robin likes Killian. They don’t think the other one is interested, though, even after spending a night together. But it seems that life has other plans for them when they both come out of the encounter pregnant. Maybe this was just the bump (well, baby bumps) they needed to get together. And starting a relationship while pregnant…well, that’s gonna be an adventure.

rated T | 4k | AO3

A/N: Continuing the story that sprawled from a prompt that @killianjonesownsmyheart1 sent to @sancocnutclub. I can’t wait for you to see the art she’s done for this—it’s so sweet!

Embarking on a relationship when both parties were mere months from giving birth was definitely a unique adventure, but despite its challenges, they couldn’t be happier.

Killian spent that first night at Robin’s, where they were finally able to be the balm to each other’s out-of-control libido, and fell asleep with the other’s bump under hand. The next morning brought some of the awkwardness of the morning that followed their first tryst, but either Killian felt bolder, or he could blame it on the hormones—he put an end to that by kissing Robin softly, once on the lips, and then on the curve of his stomach. Granny gave them a curious smile when they walked into the diner later that morning (after another round or two) but said nothing.

Things started a bit slow, as they always do—neither one sure which lines to cross when, given the weight of the situation (quite literally; Killian had just stopped looking at the scale, even though he knew he was supposed to get heavier and was glad that it meant his nausea was abating). And yet, they still managed to spend each evening together, unless Robin was working—in which case they met for lunch, or breakfast, or something. Now that they’d truly crossed a bridge when it came to togetherness, Killian found he couldn’t go too long without being near Robin, and the feeling seemed to be mutual.

Regina, smug older sister that she was, exclaimed “Called it!” when they finally broke the news to her of their relationship a couple weeks later. “I thought I saw you two disappear into that room that night.” Thankfully, she didn’t lord it over them long, and quickly shifted into overbearing aunt mode (“Someone has to!” she argued.)

It only took a few weeks of alternating whose place they crashed at—and for Killian to quickly realize how empty his bed felt without Robin in it, despite the increasing number of pillows he needed to support his growing bump—before they decided to just move into Killian’s; it was larger, and closer to Robin’s bar. And they knew they’d want to be together after the babies came; why not start now?

Of course, regardless the fact that Robin’s feelings toward Killian were growing in proportion to his waistline, moving in together was its own obstacle.

The physical ones were overcome with the help of friends and family—Regina, Will, and his girlfriend Belle—given that, at 28 weeks and entering their third trimesters, neither guy could lift a ton (though they helped where they could).

He did feel a fair bit of trepidation when the first box left his apartment, and then even more when he closed the door on the now-empty space for the last time. It wasn’t that he had many fond memories there or anything, except for maybe a few great parties. (Though the most memorable had been at Regina’s and he’d be damned if he ever let her move.)

It was just the finality of literally closing one door and opening another—another that led to a currently empty room in Killian’s, with nought more than some boxes, a couple dressers waiting to be assembled, and a few outfits hanging in the closet.

“You alright, love?” Killian’s voice brought Robin out of his thoughts as his boyfriend came up to his side, resting a hand on his lower back. His brow was furrowed with concern when Robin looked up.

“Aye, darling—I will be. It’s just...all becoming a little more real.”

Killian smirked, cutting a dimple into his thick ginger scruff (that, thanks to pregnancy, now got ridiculously long if he went without shaving so much as a day—and he loved it). “I know the feeling. But if you think it’s too soon, or you’re having second thoughts…” he started, trailing off. Robin could guess at the out Killian was giving him, but the fact that he was offering just cemented his decision.

“Not at all. Let’s get get a move on.”

He locked the door, grabbed Killian’s hand, and headed off onto their next adventure.

Which apparently was the mental side of moving in together: not just findinging space for Robin’s stuff in the mix, but just living with another person—and another person’s habits—when he was so used to being on his own for so long.

Killian’s Navy background showed itself in the neat arrangement of his closet and drawers, the kitchen cabinets, even under the bathroom sink. It was easy for Robin to find a home for everything but maintaining it would be harder, he knew. (Though perhaps, once he got to the nesting stage, it might get a bit easier—until the babies arrived and inevitably threw everything into chaos.)

The other aspect of that was seeing a side of the other they’d never seen before, whether it was just in the quiet moments during the day, or seeing the glimpses of each other’s past. Killian cast a very curious eye to the collection of medals Robin brought from his amateur archery days, and Robin quite liked the look of those leather pants Killian dug out of the closet while making room for Robin’s stuff, even if Killian swore they’d never fit him again.

“Then we’ll just have to find you new ones,” Robin decided, while promptly pouncing on Killian. He got to do that now whenever he wanted, and that just might have been one of the biggest perks. Try as he might, he had a very hard time keeping his hands of Killian and that beautiful bump. God, he was gorgeous.

Given that this was such an unconventional situation—for a couple to both be expectant, especially from the same encounter—they were foregoing most of the conventional pregnancy traditions. No book would truly be able to provide guidance and classes could only take them so far. But the one thing Robin insisted on was tracking their bellies.

He put up a piece of paper on the wall of the nursery, and each Sunday, they took turns tracing the outline of the other’s stomach. Just looking in the mirror every day, it was hard to notice the changes; having a visual representation of it was something special. He was curious to see if the outlines would cross paths—the paper was only so wide. But mostly, he loved the chance to trace the curve of Killian’s belly and feel their child moving inside.

Killian tried to tease him about it, but it was always half-hearted—and he couldn’t say much when he spent just as long tracing and loving on Robin’s bump.

“I just still can’t believe all this is real sometimes,” he murmured, palm resting over where Robin’s baby was kicking.

Robin was doing the same with Killian’s child. “I know, darling—me too.”

As fate would have it, they’d already been going to the same doctor, so Robin shifted his appointments to directly follow Killian’s. Regina had gone to the first one with Killian, but he’d been on his own for the next few; having someone with him—more specifically, the father and his partner—made the experience all the greater, and he could tell Robin felt the same. Stepping into the role of expectant father when he himself was also expecting was a unique role to be in, but he loved it—even if he was running the risk of dehydration again after their first shared appointment, from crying over not one but two sonograms.

But now, he now had someone else to look after him. Not that he was incapable of taking care of himself, obviously—he was rather used to it, both in the pregnancy and in life—but it was nice having someone to rub his back when he went toe-to-toe with the toilet at 3 am, and to make sure he was getting enough liquids. And he was more than happy to massage Robin’s swollen ankles after a long shift at work.

They discovered that they somehow had all the same cravings, so they were now on a first-name basis with Leroy at the market. Dill pickle chips (and all other varieties), pistachio ice cream, anchovies on pizza—all the weirdest combinations, but at least they didn’t have to worry about grossing the other out. They also desperately craved beer, but, alas, couldn’t partake. (Though they did develop an appetite for sarsaparilla.)

It was the kind of partnership he’d always wanted to have. It was nothing like he’d imagined, to be sure, and he often wished the tiny being inside him would stop interrupting them in one way or another (whether it was because of nausea, hunger, kicking, or just the fact that his baby bump physically interrupted their intimate times). But they just...clicked. It wasn’t a chore to be together—it was the most natural thing in the world.

Killian’s insecurities still tended to flare up, of course, but Robin always knew how to set him at ease. Somewhere around 34 weeks in his pregnancy, Killian flopped down on the bed, exasperated. He was just trying to get dressed for work, but his paternity trousers wouldn’t fit over his hips today and none of his shirts would button, straining against the ball that was now his stomach (don’t even get him started on the stretch marks). His ankles had caught up to Robin’s in the swollen department, but it didn’t much matter as he couldn’t see them anyways. And the baby was happily kicking and punching his bladder almost constantly, so even though he’d just used the facilities, he felt the urge to go again.

He felt huge, cumbersome, and ugly. There was no way Robin wanted him for him anymore; despite all he did, surely he was just sticking it out for the children. Killian turned his gaze to his still-sleeping partner, looking like the perfect image of pregnancy and not like the whale that Killian surely resembled. And they still had nearly two months to go. What would he look like then?

Killian was always prone to dramatics, but even more so now, especially as he threw himself backwards on the mattress and let the tears come.

He tried his best to keep it quiet and wallow in his misery alone, but it didn’t take long for the mattress to shift and for Robin to appear above him.

“Killian, what’s wrong? Is it the baby?” His brow was furrowed with worry as he stroked Killian’s cheeks, attempting to dry the tears.

“No, the baby’s fine—it’s me. I’m enormous and hideous and I don’t know how you can even stand to look at me.” He turned his head and threw an arm over his eyes; if Robin was going to take this chance to leave, he didn’t want to see it.

“What the bloody hell are you talking about?”

“Just...look at me, Robin.”

“Yeah, I’m looking right now. Have you seen me lately? I think there’s a similarity.”

“No, there’s not. You have exactly two stretch marks and all your clothes fit.”

“I have seventeen stretch marks, for your information, and if my clothes fit, that’s because I went out and bought massive shirts as soon as I got the positive test. As you well know, my own clothes haven’t seen the light of day in months and probably never will again.”

Killian just scoffed. “There’s no need to placate me, love. Just leave me be.”

“Hey.” Robin’s voice sounded almost angry; he’d never heard him like that before, and had to hazard a look, peeking out from under his arm. “I know you’ve got your vanity all wounded at the moment, but if you think that my attraction to you was just based on appearances, then you’re sorely mistaken, Killian Jones. You’re caring, sweet, talented, funny, and all I’ve ever wanted in a partner. And if anything, this,” he continued to rant, placing his hand on the apex of Killian’s belly, “has just made me all the more attracted to you physically—or have you already forgotten the other night in the shower?”

Killian immediately blushed at the memory, the details flooding his mind without thought: the hot water only adding to the steam between them; Robin’s careful, wandering hands exploring every inch of his body, even the extra ones; how Killian was barely able to keep any sort of control once Robin took his length in his mouth, forcing Killian to brace one arm on the wall and the other around his belly; and eagerly returning the favor as the shower continued to rain down on them.

That night was more the norm than the exception, even with libido gradually being replaced by fatigue as they got closer to the end of their pregnancies. But seeing Robin round with his child was truly arousing, even if they were continually working out the best ways to be intimate with their growing bumps. Even now, when Robin was shirtless and wearing pajama pants, it was doing all sorts of things to Killian.

“Judging by what’s going on in your underwear, I can tell you’re remembering,” Robin went on, smirking now. “Come here,” he beckoned, holding out his hands to Killian, and he took them. With surprisingly little effort, Robin pulled him up to sitting, then held his gaze. “This is what we’re going to do: you’re going to call off work today, and we’re going to head out to go shopping and find some clothes that flatter your wonderful, delectable form—especially with that photoshoot your sister is insisting on coming up.” Killian chuckled through his tears; they’d turned down her offer of a baby shower but, typical Regina, she wouldn’t take no for an answer on a dual paternity shoot. “We might even slip a massage in there, because lord knows we could both use one. But first,” he added, leaning in, “I’m going to show you again just how much I adore you, and I won’t stop until I know you believe me. How does that sound?”

Killian sniffled and grinned in response, only just realizing that his tears had become happy ones. He squeezed Robin’s hand and answered, “That sounds perfect.”

Other than the rough days—which they both had—Robin had no true complaints as their pregnancies progressed. And how could he? He had a stable job, a solid relationship, and all signs pointed to two healthy babies.

Well, okay, he had one complaint—the ridiculous paternity photo shoot. Even if he was dressed comfortably and had Killian at his side, he still thought it was just a tad silly.

“You’ll be so glad to have the pictures later!” Regina insisted that morning as she drove them out to the park they’d be shoot at.

“You better be right,” Robin threw back, both of them ignoring the string of muttered curses from Killian.

A few hours later, he hated to say it, but she had been right. Oh, they had done all the cheesy poses first—back-to-back, bump-to-bump, the silly hearts on the belly ones—but then split off to do their own shoots, to which Killian had vehemently protested.

“You’d best believe that I’ll be returning this favor should you ever have children, Regina,” he’d complained.

“I would fully expect you to,” she casually tossed back and continued to direct (and possibly flirt with) the photographer, Mal.

Robin didn’t know if it was the light, or the setting, or the realization that they were merely weeks away from having their whole lives changed, but something different struck him that day as he watched his beautiful boyfriend posing with their unborn child. He’d been thinking it for a while, but had been scared to actually say the word when they were both already on constant emotional roller coasters—who only knew what that could have done to Killian.

But as he felt his heart rate pick up as he just watched the gorgeous scene before him, the life within seemed to pick up on the feeling and start kicking up a storm.

“I know, my darling,” he whispered to his bump, placing a hand over where his child was moving most. “I love him, too.”

Killian would never admit it, but he was kind of glad Regina had forced this photo shoot on them. It would certainly be a good keepsake of this strange and exciting time in their lives, and it was a gorgeous spring day—perfect to be outside.

Maybe it was the sun, or the warm breeze, or the scent of the blooming flowers giving everything an ethereal feel, but as he watched Robin pose for his own shoot while resting on a bench nearby, a sudden, simple thought overtook him: “I love him.”

He did. He truly did. There was no one else he wanted to go on this journey with—no one else he could ever imagine sharing a life with. He knew the road ahead was going to have bumps (though hopefully none like the ones they were currently sporting, at least not for a while), but he knew that they could overcome them—together.

As if reading his thoughts, his baby started to wriggle like crazy. “Is that an agreement, love?” he murmured to his belly, then smiled as the movement intensified. “I thought so.”

The closer the due date got, the more they traded off being nervous and excited. A healthy combination of both reigned at their 38-week appointment.

To date, they’d been having their own little contests of sorts—like who would gain the most weight (Killian, once the nausea finally passed), whose feet would change the most (Robin’s, evidenced by the fact that he was wearing Killian’s larger shoes), whose belly would drop first (they both happened on the same day), or who could last longest before crying during Disney movies (a draw again). They were waiting to see who would have the largest belly circumference, who would go into labor first, and who would have the biggest baby, but hopefully the doctor would give some indications as to who might win those.

As they suspected, Killian outnumbered Robin in girth by a few inches—yet estimates put Robin’s baby slightly ahead in weight, if only by a few ounces. “I’m sure mine will catch up,” Killian commented matter-of-factly. “There has to be some reason my belly is larger; he or she is just saving up for a last-minute sprint.”

“Oh, is that it? It has nothing to do with the mega-stuffed Oreos you discovered last week?” Robin quipped playfully.

“Oi! You love them, too!”

As far as who might win the race to finish line, though, the doctor couldn’t say. “You’re both dilated a couple centimeters, so you’ll probably go a bit before the due date, but it’s impossible to know who will be first.”

“If you were betting, who would you put money on?” Robin asked. Their doctor, Victor, was also a close friend and was well aware of the pool Regina had going.

“Both of you, if she’d let me.”

After dinner with Regina (who was displeased to find out the inconclusivity of Victor’s assessment but was happy to inform them that Killian had the edge in the pool) and marking the belly progress in the now-furnished nursery (the lines started crossing a few weeks ago), they were relaxing at home on the couch, sharing a sarsaparilla. They sat hip-to-hip and were leaning into each other (or just weighing down the middle of the couch so that they fell towards one another), enough so that their bumps were connected, too. The babies were squirming and seemed to be fighting each other, even though they were in separate wombs. But feeling his other child press against his belly was a singular experience Robin wouldn’t trade for the world, even if it meant the one inside him was constantly hitting his kidneys.

“I can’t tell if they’re going to love each other or hate each other,” Killian assessed, watching the almost alien-like movement within their bellies.

“Probably both,” Robin answered as his baby seemed to do a somersault. “They’re definitely going to be partners in crime, though.”

“Do you wish we’d found out the genders?” Killian tucked his head onto Robin’s shoulder as he asked, then rested his palm on the top of his stomach.

“No; I’m happy with it being a surprise. The rest of this was; may as well continue it.”

“That’s fair.” Killian grew quiet, but Robin could tell he was lost in thought.

“What is it, darling?”

“It’s nothing, just…” He trailed off, but then seemed to find the words he needed. “I know at the beginning of all this, I said I didn’t want to be together just for the babies. But now, I don’t think I can picture this any other way. Maybe they were meant to bring us together; to bring down our walls.” He swallowed, and then continued. “Regardless, I’m so happy to be doing this, and with you, and I can’t wait for whatever comes our way.”

Robin had no words; anything he would have said would just be a repeat of Killian’s. So he just reached over, lifted Killian’s chin off his shoulder, and kissed him passionately. And then again. And again, shifting in his place because he couldn’t easily straddle his boyfriend.

“Not that I’m complaining,” Killian finally panted when they paused for breath, “but what does that mean?”

“It means I feel the exact same way,” Robin breathed back. “And that I have an idea for another challenge.”

“What’s that, love?”

He smirked. “You know how there are...ways...of bringing on labor? Spicy foods, exercise, certain kinds of stimulation,” he explained, reaching for Killian’s chest and grazing his sensitive nipple through the thin cotton of his shirt.

Killian shivered in response. “Aye, I see what you’re saying love. Not just a race to the end, but see who can get the other one there?”

“Something like that.”

“You’re on.”

Though nothing came of their activities that night—other than plenty of giggles as they both maneuvered their bellies around each other—they weren’t discouraged in the slightest. The next morning became a contest to see who could withstand the most jalapenos and sriracha on their eggs. An afternoon stroll had them seeing who could walk the farthest without needing a rest. And they enjoyed some of the most pleasurable evenings they could remember—until they passed out from exhaustion, of course.

Robin was reminiscing on the previous night—when his view of Killian was blocked by his bump but his nerves were exceedingly aware of him and what he was doing—while leaning against the bar during a lull on his last night of work. He’d insisted on sticking it out until he couldn’t, and while he couldn’t move with much speed, he could still mix drinks just fine. But that didn’t stop his coworkers from hovering.

They were nearby, having their own conversation, as he was reclined with a hand on his bump. But suddenly, his entire stomach clenched under his palm. He was well-acquainted with the feeling of Braxton-Hicks contractions—they’d been intermittent all day—but this was considerably stronger, drawing a brief moan from him.

“Robin? You alright?” Will asked, in front of him in an instant.

“Ask me that again in 10 minutes,” he answered after taking a deep breath.

“Do I need to call Killian?”

“Not just yet.”

He tried to get comfortable again when nothing else immediately followed, and was in the middle of mixing a shot when another one hit, making him drop the glass and reach for the edge of the bar.

Will was at his side. “It’s only been 8 minutes, mate; want me to call Killian now?”

Robin could only nod. “Yeah. It’s time. And tell him that I won this one.”

After he got the call from Will, Killian had never driven faster in his life; his old Chevelle had no idea what was going on. But the child within him seemed to, and was kicking something fierce against the steering wheel. As anxious as Killian was for Robin, it seemed this little one was eager for its sibling to arrive.

He just hoped this one would stay put long enough—and prayed that it was just false labor he’d felt on the way out to the car.

No matter what, his world was going to change over the next several hours.

thanks for reading!!! tagging @sherlockianwhovian @ashley-knightingale @jennjenn615 @wyntereyez @superadam54

#captain hood ff #robin x killian #killian x robin #mpreg #my ff #a bump in the right direction

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putabourqueinit · 5 years

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HELLO

My guy is Charles Dylan Walsh, better known as Dylan Walsh, but to me he will always be my D. We started our love affair in Los Angeles, where we met at a gym called Equinox. When we met he shared a secret with me-- he had been staring at me for 8 years and never said hello. 8 years??? Before he actually said “hello” to me there was a lead up and it was pretty sexy I must say. I obviously knew he was the guy from Nip/Tuck although I did not watch Nip/Tuck. I would see him and thought it was coincidence when I was upstairs he was upstairs and when I was downstairs he was downstairs (remember I didn’t know he was staring at me for 8 years!!) It became intriguing when I would see him--we would have eye contact and no smile. I smile at everyone, but for some reason I gave him nothing. The eye contact was intense and sometimes would last for 3 seconds or so. That is 2 seconds too long if you think about it. It became a game between us and I think I actually gave him a half a smirk at one point. The build up was mounting and we both knew eventually something had to give and it finally did. One day I walked up the stairs and turned towards the treadmills. He was running on one right in the path of where I had to walk. This time when our eyes met we both started laughing out loud. In that moment I felt like I had known this man my entire life. Ultimately we started our relationship over months with eye contact. He grabbed my arm as I walked by and it startled me for a second, but honestly the energy that ran through my body was something I will never forget. He found me downstairs later by the water fountain and he said “hello.”

He was in a complicated situation- married 2x before and 3 kids and I wanted no part of it. I was 36 and very single. I was in a fantasy stage that I would meet a guy who had never been married and definitely did not have kids. Also, he was an actor and after living in La La Land for 13 years I dated my fair share of actors and actor ‘wanna be’s.’ So we became gym buddies. We would see each other at the gym and we would talk, laugh and innocently flirt. I gave him my number- ya know cause that’s what “friends” do. I was witty and had a wicked sense of humor with him. We had this banter that was ridiculously fun. It was almost like I was daring him not to fall for me. He was smitten I could tell and I was totally me, because I knew there would never be an “us.” He told me he would be leaving for work for a month and wanted to have coffee before he left. I said no to coffee and opted for drinks instead. His charm and blue eyes were definitely having an affect on me.

THE DATE

I told him to scoop me up at my place. I left the door slightly ajar and told him to come in while I was finishing getting ready. I wanted him to see my things. I wanted him to hear the music I listen to and to look at the pictures I had around. I wanted for him to get a sense of who I was before getting to know me better. When I came out we laughed at the familiar awkwardness we had. We drove in his fancy BMW to a neighborhood bar, which would inevitably hold a special place in our heart as it was called The Hudson (we ended up naming our son Hudson.) We sat at the bar and I ordered my favorite drink a Kir Royale and he ordered a Johnnie Walker Black with a splash of soda. We spent a few hours getting to know each other. He would tell me about his life, kids etc and I would tell him about mine. I had told him I would be having foot surgery soon to remove a nerve and I even took off my red high heel shoe to show him where it was. He would later tell me revealing my foot to him so effortlessly was incredibly intimate and even remembers my red painted toe nails. To this day I still have no idea why I did that. We both had somewhere to go after, but we kept stalling by getting another glass of wine. We ended up sharing the last one neither of us wanting this time to end. We walked out of the restaurant into the rain- he went his way to his car and I went my way to my ride waiting. We purposefully didn’t kiss. We were no longer just friends and we knew it. He would later that night write me an email saying “No more banter L. It just got real.” I knew what he meant and I felt the same even though I had no idea how real it would really get.

Falling

He was leaving the next day for work and wanted to come to my place and say good-bye to me. He brought a bottle of Chateauneuf du Pape his favorite wine. He sat across from me and I remember him leaning back in the chair with his hands behind his head like a movie star. He was so handsome and I took him all in- his face, that chiseled jaw, his hands and fingers, the gray t-shirt he was wearing with a little bit of a sweat mark at his armpits. He went to the restroom and when he came back he sat down at the table and I scooted my chair next to him and I boldly gave him a kiss. Our first kiss. It was everything we wanted it to be. We both knew in that moment we were in trouble- we were falling. We continued to keep in touch through email and text while he was gone. We would send each other poems and we each got a copy of the same book and read it together thousands of miles apart. We would send each other songs and compiled a D&L playlist. We would write out fantasies of adventures we would have in our minds eye in New Orleans, Chicago and New York. The time went by and we fell deeper. His work was over and he would return to reality. I still have the bottle of Chateauneuf du Pape with “our first kiss” written on the label.

Reality

Reality was harder than we thought. He was pulled in a lot of different directions. I was going through some things personally and contemplating moving out of Los Angeles. There were too many challenges for us to be together for real, so we were very quiet about it. We didn’t go to restaurants or socialize. It was just the two of us with too many mountains to move in the real world, so we stayed inside together and healed each other. We snuggled up and were intimate. We would go for long rides to the ocean and hike the Santa Monica mountains. We would have picnics and lay in the grass with no care in the world. We would not say “I love you” until we could no longer not say it. It was true and we both knew it. From then it went fast. It was a whimsical blur of how to’s and why nots. We were swept up in “us” and the magic that came with it. We would obsessively talk about what it would mean for us being real and for me to exist in his world. The mountains were moved, because at that point obstacles seemed attainable and we knew as a couple we could overcome anything.

Overcoming Anything

We would soon realize what over-coming anything would mean. We were faced with some incredibly tough challenges which would test our relationship. We would get pregnant way sooner with Amélie Belle than we would have planned. We would take an acting job across the states so far from his 3 kids. We would get pregnant for Hudson Scott with a six month old. We would move 7 different addresses in 8 years. We would have many disappointments and many victories. We would meet the best of friends from all of our travels. We ultimately would live out our fantasies in New Orleans, Chicago and our favorite city New York. Our road to being D&L was nothing short of pure will and endless love for each other.

Today

One of the hardest decisions we have had to make as a couple was leaving New York City. If ever there was a family that got New York and all it has to give, it was us. We explored every nook and cranny we could in 4 years and there is still so much we haven’t seen or done. The city is like another member of our family. It is important to us and holds so many cherished memories. But the time came and we had to move on. We chose to move to my hometown Lafayette, Louisiana. D didn’t have a steady gig and he needed a place where he knew we would be safe while he traveled from job to job. I wanted my kids to get to know where I came from up close. We found a community in Lafayette that worked for us. A neighborhood where you could walk to restaurants, the gym, the pool, school, playgrounds, tennis and most importantly my mom’s house. We are now in a beautiful home on a tree lined street in Lafayette, Louisiana and never in our wildest dreams did we think we would be here 3 years. D has traveled to many places for work from here- Vancouver, Santa Fe, San Francisco, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Toronto, Los Angeles, NY and Prague. The kids and I become the 3 musketeers and await for him to come home. When he is home he is present and he is a really good man. He has encouraged me to find my purpose. We are quite the team. Team D&L. We will hold tight to each other through all of life's tireless struggles and wondrous adventures. We have grown so much as individuals and as a couple. We are forever starting a new chapter filling up the book of “US” and I know another one is quickly approaching. We anxiously await to find out what it will be.

I recently started a podcast-you can find it on most platforms ‘PutaBourqueinit.’ I had the pleasure of interviewing D and we both share our life together. It is a true glimpse of where we started from and how far we have come and you get to hear his side of how we became “US.” If you care to know more check it out.

#relationship love us challenges goals purpose actor Nip/tuck DylanWalsh

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hayls-speaks-fandoms · 6 years

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“You Braved the Stars.” (Tony x OC)

Pairings: Tony x OC

Summary: THIS TAKES PLACE AFTER INFINITY WAR (aka I fixed it). The heroes have all been returned to Earth, alive and (mostly) well. Dealing with the stress of being an alien on a planet that does not want her, Tony involuntarily pushing her away because of haunting dreams, and feeling helpless, Anya returns to her home planet to start over.

Word Count: ~2,200 (Sorry it’s long!)

Warnings: Slight angst. Pining, I suppose. Mentions of PTSD. One swear. LONG FIC. Please let me know if I missed a warning so I can update it for the comfort and safety of my readers.

Requested: No. (Requests are open!)

Note: So....I am ridiculously proud of this piece. Thank you to @a-rebels-writings for all of her help with world building and encouragement. You’ll see mention of a girl named ‘Raven’ in this version of the fic. This @a-rebels-writings‘s OC. We’ve been writing together for years. Thank you, love for editing and encouraging! Bolded type in the fic is the native tongue of Anya’s species. Feedback is appreciated!

Background information: My OC is Anya. For this fic, she is an alien from a made up planet called Sananda. The aliens there look human, but have a red tint to their skin, two hearts, and are on average over 6ft tall. Her species speaks in clicks, similar to Xhosa but not quite. She found herself on Earth around the time of Age of Ultron, and has worked with the Avengers teams since, having entered into a romantic relationship with Tony. Tony, struggling with dealing with various alien forms over the years, has a lot to overcome due to the fact his girlfriend is an alien (he even learned some of her language). They overcome this obstacle, however, and have a wonderful relationship.... That is, until aliens once again invade and Thanos destroys half the universe. Once that is set right, Tony still struggles. And Anya does too.

It had taken Anya a while to adjust to her homeworld again. The shades of red she once thought vibrant seemed dull in comparison to the many colours found on Earth. She also did not have to be conscious of her movements; she couldn’t hurt anyone here.

She was home, so why did she feel so out of place?

The answer, of course, was Tony.

It broke her hearts to have him hurt. She knew it was not his fault that he could no longer meet her eyes, that he could no longer be in a room alone with her. He had gone through so much, and Anya could not fault him for that. The best thing she could have done was leave him to heal, to move on.

It hurt her more than she cared to admit, having to reach out to Heimdall and plead for him to send her back to Sananda. She did not tell many that she was leaving; Raven, Steve (and, by extension, Bucky), and Thor were the only ones aware of her plan, Thor being the one that put her in contact with Heimdall, Raven understanding why she had to go, and the two super soldiers trying to convince her to stay.

In the end, Anya met Heimdall in a field in upstate New York with a bag of memories and spare Earth clothes to wear until new Sanandian robes could be woven. In the end, she left everything she had grown to love behind, a letter to Tony laid on his pillow.

She made Heimdall swear to never let anyone follow her through the Bifrost, especially Tony. She knew how travelling through that channel affected Tony, and she could not live with herself if he went through that torture again.

It was quick, the travel through the Bifrost. Anya was thankful. She was even more thankful when she landed in a somewhat distant cousins encampment. Handlen welcomed her with open arms, apparently the clan had thought she had perished with the others.

Time was different here, at least it felt like it. Sunset was not a drastic difference on Sananda as it was on Earth. There were so many more trees here, and Anya had missed the crystal snow that was nowhere near as bitter cold as a New York winter. She had missed her people, the simplicity of life, the hunting, the farming, even sitting on watch on the encampment’s edge. Yet, the world seemed so….slow. There was no hustle and bustle like in New York, there was not a huge diversity in food, culture, or people. The first two weeks Anya had been back were slow and somewhat lonely. She missed her friends, she missed the upbeat feel of Earth, and most of all she missed Tony.

Tony would like the colour on Sananda, Anya knew, but that is where his appreciation for her home planet would end. He would particularly adore the rolling hills that harbored deep maroon soil that matched the Iron Man suit almost identically. Anya made a couple of vases of the soil for her hut; the deep red bringing her comfort as well as sadness. She wished she had a flower similar to her favourite white daisies from Earth to fill them, but white was not a colour found on Sananda, save the crystal snow. Perhaps it was for the best, it would do her no good to be reminded of the first time she saw a rolling meadow filled with the precious plant. Or to be reminded of how she felt when Tony looked at her lovingly as he placed one behind her ear, entwining the stem in her bright red locks...

At first it was hard for her to push the memories of her second home to the back of her mind, but after a month and a half of being back on Sananda it became...better. She settled into a routine and was starting to feel content. While she still missed Tony, her friends, and Earth, she started to think she could be happy on Sananda. The planet was still rebuilding from both of Thanos’ attacks, despite how long it had been, and she knew she could help make it better.

Market days were Anya’s favourite. She loved the walk through the red forest, the sunlight filtering through the branches made the forest floor look like fire. The wind through the hills made the fallen leaves dance and cooled the air. Anya felt...free whenever she would go to the market. Normally she would take on the trip alone, but the list of items needed was extremely large, especially with the Crystal Fall drawing near. Handlen and four others joined her on the short journey, woven baskets and wooden carts in tow. She did not mind, in groups they would sing the songs of the forest as they walked, their clicks echoing harmoniously off the hills, making the trip pass quickly, and aching feet forgotten.

The market reminded her of New York, the busy streets and various smells from vendors in the clearing provided an odd form of comfort. Perhaps that is why Anya adored market days; the similarities, no matter how miniscule, to New York settled the ache in her chest for her other home. It still did no good to be reminded of that place, it made it nearly impossible for Anya to fall asleep in her hut after days filled with reminders. Still, those types of days she gave herself some room for the memories of Earth to flow.

Her first stop was always the galba cart. While the others carried on down the way for building and medical supplies, Anya quietly filled a basket as well as a small personal pouch of the bite-sized sweetfruit. Popping one in her mouth, the juices coated her tongue. Galbas reminded her of Earth’s grape in flavour, yet looked similar to Earth’s strawberries in size and colour. A faint smile on her face, the memories of her confusion at the two Earth fruits flooded her mind. Tony had laughed, explaining the difference between the two, and listened earnestly as she, in turn, had described galbas from home. Tony had thought it would be interesting to try one, to see the difference, but since he was star systems away, Anya made sure to eat enough galbas for the both of them.

Anya shook her head, knowing that she would get no sleep that night as the memories from Earth came flooding back. Pushing them aside as best she could, she completed her purchase and made her way down the row of vendors, packing each item carefully in the basket she had left. Quietly, she hummed a gentle Earth tune that she could not quite remember, only stopping to laugh when little Sanandians ran across her path. Everyone was so carefree, and she would miss the marketplace while the crystals fell. And while it was not smart to traverse the countryside during Crystal Fall, it would be a thousand times safer than riding with Steve and Bucky on the frozen streets of New York in the winter.

She knew she had to stop thinking about Earth. It was dangerous for her kind there, for any non-terran that does not look human. Anya hoped Raven was doing well; she knew that their little family would protect her no matter what. And Tony...Tony could not have Anya there, she knew. His anxious mannerisms and self destructive tendencies would only get worse.

No, Anya had to stay put and start to focus on her life and future on Sananda, whatever it may be. Tony, Raven, Bucky...everything and everyone from her time on Earth needed to be forgotten, she just did not know how to get rid of the moments that she held so close. Raven’s laugh, Peter and Banner’s nerdy ramblings, Steve and Bucky’s antics, Thor’s wise words and stupid jokes with Loki, Shuri’s love for memes and T’Challa’s rigorous but entertaining training program, the way Nat and Wanda would prank Clint and Sam, and Rhodey and Vision having her back when things got tough with Tony. The way Tony would look at her with love in his eyes, the way he would hold her close, his laugh, the way he would say her name -

“Anya?”

She froze, her hearts beating rapidly. It sounded so real, as if he was close and actually calling her name.

“Anya!” The voice reached her once again, more confident in its delivery. She turned, slowly, until her eyes met soft brown ones that matched her love’s back on Earth. It sounded like Tony, it looked like Tony, Iron Man suit and all, but Anya knew it was impossible, he would never…

“Tony?” The man’s face broke out in a grin as Anya allowed his name to pass through her lips. The baskets crashed to the ground, items falling out and away, as Anya’s hands flew up in a weak gesture to get him to stop. He paused, confusion taking over his grin as Anya stared. “Tony..this is not funny. Gods, if that is you, Loki, I will rip you limb from limb.”

The man swallowed, and Anya noticed that the market had fallen silent. The man’s gaze did not waver from her own and she could see the anxiety in his eyes.

“Anya,” he held his hands up as one would in surrender, “It’s me, it’s Tony.”

Anya shook her head and stepped back, nearly tripping over the fallen galbas, not daring to hope that the man in the iron suit was Tony, her Tony. “No, no. Tony would never, he could not bring himself all this way. He did not even know where I was going, and he had been through so much the journey...it would have terrified him beyond belief. And I forbade Heimdall from letting anyone follow me through the Bifrost-“

“I had help...it’s a long story,” his eyes darted around to the group of Sanandians that had gathered to watch her interaction with the stranger. Allspeak on this planet was rare, and Anya was surprised Handlen had not come out, spear in hand. The Sanandians looked at the stranger in fear, many had not ever seen anyone from outside of their little world.

“The point is, I’m here. I came all this way for you. After you left…” he cleared his throat and Anya felt her hearts flutter, not sure if she wanted to hear what he had to say, regardless of if it was really Tony. “I realized how much I fucked up. I let my fear push you away, and that isn’t what either of us needed. I’m-I’m sorry, Anya. I abandoned you.” His voice had grown soft, and his eyes left hers to look at the red soil beneath their feet.

Anya’s hearts skipped a beat. While Tony being raw and vulnerable with his emotions was rare, she knew it was impossible to replicate from nowhere, even for a trickster god like Loki. She slowly took a few steps forward with her hands to her cheeks, treading carefully through the fallen fruit. She felt tears rim her eyes as she reached Tony; she wanted to cry and laugh all at once, she could not believe he had come.

“Tony, no. You did not abandon me,” her hands fell from her cheeks to her chest as though to still her beating hearts, “I am the one who left you in your hour of need. But you,” she gazed at him tenderly, the suit making him nearly her height. Gently, she brought her fingers up to cup the sides of the iron mask, longing to run them through his hair once again. “You braved the stars for me, my love. Despite everything, you came all this way for me.”

Cold metal fingers quickly became entangled in her hair and warm lips were pressed against hers and she was suddenly home.

The two broke apart much sooner than Anya was used to. Tony’s hands did not leave her hair as he press their foreheads together, breathing heavily as he spoke, “I’ll always come for you. I love you.”

Anya felt like her hearts would burst as Tony repeated those three words over and over in her native tongue. She barely noticed how much less tension there was in the air as the Sanandians surrounding them relaxed at hearing the stranger speak their native tongue, a tear slipped down her cheek at the sentiment, the three words that meant the whole world. Tony leaned back, breathing still heavy, eyes pleading for her to come home.

Nodding, she bent for another kiss, pouring her hearts into her response to Tony’s unspoken question. Of course she’d go back, she did not want to spend one more day without Tony by her side. Sananda was her planet, but Earth, Tony, was her home.

#tony x oc #tony x anya #oc #marvel fan #marvel x oc #tony stark #tony fanfiction #marvel #iron man #iron man x oc #iron man fanfiction #angst #swearing #ptsd #mentions of ptsd #pining #long fic

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wanderingstoryteller · 7 years

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New Elite Specs: My Thoughts

Another weekend, another demo! There’s no new lore to overanalyze, unfortunately, but we did get access to the new Elite Specializations. And I, naturally, spent the whole weekend fooling around with them.

Now, as someone who traditionally sucks at PvP... this was a tough time for me. I spent the past three days being repeatedly punched, stabbed, shot, burned, kicked, and... whatever it is Mirages do. But I suffered bravely through all of it, for you, my dear followers. So that I might bring you my firsthand thoughts on the new specs.

I’m not exactly an expert on these things (I’m more of a lore guy), but I did throw a lot of time into the demo, and spent at least a couple hours on every class. If you were indisposed this weekend, you might find these hot takes useful. Without further ado...

Do you enjoy being delightfully confused? Wondrously confounded? Kicking someone’s ass without having any idea how you pulled it off? Then good news, friend -- The Weaver is the class for you!

With the attunement system, Elementalists like myself have always had a ridiculous number of skills. Now, with the addition of a sword and the ability to mix and match different elements, Arenanet’s added about two dozen more. Want a crazy amount of damage? Use Fire and Air skills at the same time! Want to be a nigh-unkillable tank instead? Mix Earth and Water, baby! This is the Elementalist on steroids, with even more versatility than the base class.

I only played for a few hours, and didn’t even scratch the surface of what the Weaver can do. I leaned hard into the “nigh-unkillable tank” option, and the end result is a class that just Will. Not. Die. And I’m not even playing it properly -- I’m just throwing out random spells and hoping I don’t get crushed. In the hands of someone that actually knows how to play PvP, this thing will be a holy terror.

Of all the new specs, this is the one I’m most excited to play in the open world. The possibilities are endless, and I really, really love my new sword.

The Deadeye, it turns out, wasn’t nearly as OP as everyone said it would be. While the idea of a Thief getting a long-range sniper rifle might be pretty scary on paper, remember that it’s only effective when it’s used at long range. The rifle’s best abilities require you to be immobile. Once the enemy closes the ground and you’re forced to move, you sacrifice all that raw damage and become just another glass-cannon Thief.

That doesn’t mean the Deadeye’s not dangerous, though -- not if you’re thinking a few steps ahead. After experimenting a bit, I realized that the Deadeye excels at hit and run tactics. Seek out a 1v1 between evenly-matched players and shoot the enemy in the back. Capture an unguarded point and lay in wait for the first unsuspecting victim that tries to reclaim it. Bring someone down with the burst damage and run like hell... leaving a Needle Trap behind for your victim’s overeager teammates.

All the mobility of a Thief, now with an absurdly long-range weapon. Deadeyes aren’t invincible (especially once you start to plan around them), but it’s a lethal combination once you figure out some clever ways to exploit these advantages. More importantly, though, it’s fun. Of all the Specs they released, this one might just be my favorite.

So... if the Deadeye isn’t the most OP thing since sliced bread, the question remains: “What is?” To answer that query, please put your hands together for the bane of my existence this past weekend... The Holosmith.

The Holosmith is, to put it simply, a living can of Red Bull that’s been chugging twelve-packs of Sunny D. Fight one head-on, and you’ll be locked into a neverending chain of pulls and knockbacks, being kicked helplessly from one end of the arena to another while receiving absurb amounts of damage. Now, this is supposed to have drawbacks -- if a Holosmith goes on like this for too long, they’ll get overloaded and eventually start doing damage to themselves. But trust me, you’ll be dead long before that becomes a problem for them.

It takes a while to figure out this class, because like all things Engineer, it’s pretty complicated. But once you do, you’ll be nigh unstoppable. Most encounters will be over quickly thanks to the front-loaded burst damage, but if the battle drags on, Holosmiths bring plenty of survivability to the table. Utility skills like Spectrum Shield and Hardlight Arena make Holosmiths hard to take out in an even fight.

Enjoy it while you can, guys, because as awesome as the Holosmith is, it’ll be nerfed into the ground within a matter of weeks.

The Scourge was... I’m honestly not sure what I think, actually. Necromancers got a lot of cool toys to play with this expansion -- not just a torch, but an entirely new set of skills that replaces the old Life Force bar. Now you channel Life Force to summon Shades, stationary ghosts that damage enemies and shield allies.

On one hand, their ability to support and sustain their team allows the Scourge to dominate a teamfight. A good Scourge can give their allies the survivability they need to turn the tide in the team’s favor. Problem is, they’re pretty useless outside that one specific niche.

Scourges can be pretty intimidating, sure. Nobody wants to enter the Scourge’s AoE Funhouse of Doom... until they realize that Scourges still rely mainly on conditions to deal damage, and the new batch of Specs is filled with condition cleansing. Then you start getting dunked on by an entire team of Spellbreakers. Worst part? Because you can’t use your Life Force as a secondary health bar, those Spellbreakers will tear through you like paper.

I feel like Scourge is something I’d have more fun toying with in PvE. Like the Druid before it, the Scourge is designed to fit into a support role, and those don’t have much of a place in structured PvP. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Quick: what’s the coolest thing you can do with a shortbow? If your answer was “Fire a hail of burning arrows through tiny portals that strike your foes at various angles”, you are not only correct, but also a fan of The Renegade.

The new Revenant Spec is very exciting for lore nerds such as myself. Channeling of the spirit of Kalla Scorchrazor, legendary charr war hero, you gain Kalla’s incredible sharpshooting abilities... and the ability to summon members of her warband when you’re in a jam. Unsurprisingly, it’s pretty difficult to master, and I certainly didn’t come anywhere close while I was playing. But I did run into some decent Renegades during the demo, and they were able to deal a lot of damage, very quickly.

This is another one of those Specs I can’t wait to try out in PvE. I couldn’t do much with it in the arena, but in a less stressful environment, I feel like it’ll be incredible.

I hope you brought a good book, because The Firebrand is about to get literate on your asses. Remember that Tome mechanic the Guardians had way back at launch? Well, it’s back, and just as awesome as you remembered. Massive AoE heals and conditions can be pumped out in the blink of an eye.

Like the Scourge, Firebrands are excellent in teamfights, putting pressure on the entire enemy team while supporting their own. But unlike the Scourge, the Firebrand still retains the tools that have served it well in PvP before -- namely, its uncanny ability to tank anything you throw at it. Even when they’re caught in a bad situation, a well-built Firebrand can survive, and that’ll make them a common sight in this game mode.

Personally, I can’t wait to use the Firebrand in World vs World. In the midst of a massive zerg, it can probably do some absurd things.

For reasons I’ve never really understood, some Ranger players really, really want a Spec that lets them play without a pet. While I don’t get the logic -- aren’t pets the main draw of the Ranger? -- Arenanet, apparently, does, and they’ve listened to your feedback. Now, with the addition of The Soubeast, Rangers don’t just play without their pets -- you merge with them, Voltron-style.

Indeed, Arenanet has taken animal cruelty to the next level, as you eat your beloved sidekick to absorb their power. This’ll definitely be a welcome addition in PvP, where pets are constantly running headfirst into massive AoE attacks and getting knocked quickly out of the fight.

Like the Weaver, I didn’t really know what I’m doing while I was playing the Soubeast, so I can’t really say anything about its place in the meta or stuff like that. But I do know that my enemies kept breaking under my dagger-waving onslaught, so I figure I must be doing something right.

The Mirage is the Mesmer in its purest form. They don’t do fair fights -- they overcome their obstacles by tricking, confounding and generally irritating the hell out of them until they give up and leave. Mirages are masters of this. Their new powers help them blend in with their clones, hiding in plain sight while they beat on their enemies. Do you want to bring her down with burst damage? Choose wisely, then, because there’s a one-in-four chance that you’ll unload your best abilities on the wrong target altogether.

Even though Mesmer is the class I’m least familiar with, I had a surprising amount of success with the Mirage. I think it has to do with me taking the clone gimmick as far as I possibly could. I didn’t just summon clones -- I tried to mimic their behavior, too. AIs in this game are pretty simplistic, and it’s pretty easy to figure out which Mirage is the real one when only three of them are following the simplistic movement and attack patterns. To really blend in, you’ve got to commit to the role and act as much like a clone as possible. Otherwise, you’ll be identified almost immediately, and Mirages don’t survive for very long under direct fire.

Even so, the sheer amount of AoE can make things very difficult for you. With all the Firebrands and Holosmiths running around, clones will die almost as fast as you can summon them... which, as you might imagine, makes blending in with them pretty difficult. Once it gets buffed a little, though, I think PvPers will appreciate its unique fighting style.

It’s no secret that in the past couple seasons of PvP, condition damage has ruled the meta. But now, ladies and gentlemen, burst damage has returned, and it is through The Spellbreaker that it has reclaimed its rightful throne.

Spellbreakers, on paper, are simple: they hate magic. All magic. And they’re all about purging magic from allies and enemies -- buffs and debuffs alike. The days of stacking a bunch of Might on yourself and running roughshod over your enemies are over. Under the watchful eye of the Spellbreaker, they’ll make sure both sides are fighting with nothing but their raw stats, as nature intended.

This Spec is an odd little duckling, because on its own, it’s not really overpowered in and of itself. It is, however, uncannily good at countering builds that are. Spellbreakers are the only class I saw regularly standing up to Holosmiths, stunning them to take away their momentum or stripping away boons they rely on to survive in a prolonged fight. And as for the aforementioned condition builds? Shut down before they could even get rolling.

However the meta might develop in Path of Fire, I’m dead certain Spellbreakers will be a key component. They’re set to be the superpredators of the meta ecosystem, keeping all the traditionally overpowered builds in check to maintain a level of balance. If you’re a big PvPer, you may want to invest in this guy.

So... those are my thoughts. What did you guys think about the new batch of Elite Specs? I’m interesting in hearing from the rest of you guys, especially if, unlike me, you actually know something about this buildcraft stuff. As usual, feel free to send me asks or reblog with your own opinions.

Whatever you think, I hope you enjoyed the demo as much as I did. <3

#the most important thing i learned this weekend?#i'm not very good at pvp =P #guild wars 2 #path of fire #elite specializations #pof demo

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iminyourhandskara · 7 years

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Be Okay - Karamel One Shot.

Her world stopped 6 months ago. Then it started spinning again, at a much slower pace, so slow it ached her heart. It was so slow, sometimes it didn’t feel like it was moving, and she relived that day again and again. Every night, she hoped she would fall asleep immediately without dreaming of him: on the other hand, she craved his presence so much she would’ve given everything she had to see him in her dreams, to hold him, to touch him, to talk to him again. It’s not like everyone else’s world stopped.

Like for Alex. Alex proposed to Maggie on the same night Kara’s world stopped: she was obviously over the moon for her sister’s engagement, but how could she really celebrate Alex finding the love of her life if she had just lost hers? Selfish- Kara knew that, so she kept quiet. Kara has been okay for 6 months. Kara was okay. That’s how she replied to her dear ones, whenever they showed their concern over her. She never stepped into the alien bar again, unless Supergirl had to save someone there; she was doing great at CatCo, she still butted heads with Snapper but, everything was great. Most of the days. Some days. But she was Supergirl, right? She doesn’t bend or break. She had to be okay. Supergirl saved the world, everyone loved Supergirl, everyone praised Supergirl for saving National City from the Daxamite invasion, but Kara couldn’t stand hearing that word. But she had to be okay, because she was Supergirl, and as a superhero, she must’ve been strong and never break. Then why did everyone around Kara treated her like she was about to crumble?

She hid the tears in her eyes with a laugh, she muffled the horrendous feelings she felt with a smile. She had to be okay, because if she wasn’t, it would’ve affected everyone else. And Alex..she couldn’t ruin Alex’s mood, she was the happiest she’d ever been, Kara could easily see that, she loved her sister too much to make a bad move and ruin everything, so she calculated her actions: the time for smiles, for jokes, silly stories, it was pretty believable. Kara didn’t know how long that farce would’ve lasted but…she would’ve kept it up until she could. “Do you like this dress, Maid of Honor?” “I love it!” “You said it for every dress you’ve tried on, c'mon..what’s your favorite?” “Alex, I’m serious, I like them all! Which one do you prefer?” “Kara, you’re nerve wracking. Pick one.” “The blue one.” She sighed, she just wanted that wedding madness to be over. “Great! It would’ve been a mess if you didn’t pick up a dress three days before the ceremony.” “Ha-ha.” Alex’s phone rang twice before she picked it up. “J'onn, I’m paying for Kara’s dress, can we tal– uhm, what? Emer- are you sure? Okay, I’m on my way.” “Is everything okay? Do they need us at work?” “No, no, it’s a minor thing, I can handle it.” Alex handed her credit card to the brunette woman and gave the shopping bag to her sister, before running away.

The big day had arrived, the ceremony was very intimate, less than 20 people were in attendance, mostly colleagues of the two women. Maggie wore a suit, with a dark blue tie, her eyes lit up as soon as Alex entered the room, Kara could sense the love the two soon-to-be wives shared with just one look; Alex deserved all the love in the world and Maggie’s love was pretty close to that amount. During the vows, sobs could be heard all over the place; it wasn’t a easy road for them, Kara remembered how she stood by Alex’s side in what was probably the hardest period of her life, figuring herself out. Yet she got the happiest of the endings. Kara couldn’t help but wonder if she’d ever find hers. She surely felt the happiest in the months she shared with him, she thought it was ridiculous how much a single person could have had such a great impact on her life, he changed everything, he turned her world upside down, he made her see things she had never seen before, he made her feel things she had never felt before, and she thought she wouldn’t ever feel such things..until he literally fell into her life. Kara had dreamed about finding that kind of love that makes you wanna laugh, cry, yell, jump, lie down, and she did find it. But she had lost it too.

Before she realized it, he was gone. But she had to be okay, she tried to suppress every thought of him, she could barely mention his name. “It will get better.” She heard that sentence so many times, she almost believed it and repeated it to herself to get through the hardest days: that day was one of the hardest, undoubtedly. Kara threw herself over the food, avoiding long conversations, trying to ignore the sappy songs the band was playing. Alex used to hate that music, yet, look at her, she was smiling so big, with tears of joy filling her eyes, swinging with her lover in her arms. Love could really change people, being in love, giving love, taking love, ripping love.. that was her case. Kara’s love arrived so suddenly and unexpectedly, and it was ripped away in the same way. What she felt for him was so profound, she laughed at the idea of feeling anything slightly close to that for somebody else; what they shared was an unbreakable bond, and now that they were apart, she felt a thread pulling her to him, but she couldn’t move, she feared that that tie could’ve been broken. What if he never came back? That question creeped in the back of her mind, like a monster under a child’s bed, she knew it was there, but she couldn’t fight it. Having superpowers is pointless when your own mind is your biggest weakness, she thought.

“Alex, my beautiful sister-” Kara stood up with a glass in her hand “-and Maggie, you amazing woman, I’m so glad that you two found each other. Maggie, you make my sister the happiest person on Earth, and I’m eternally grateful to you for that, and I know how you would do anything to protect her, literally. I don’t– I know love is hard, finding love is hard, being together is hard, balancing that with a job that puts you in danger everyday is hard. But you kept fighting for it, that’s the most important part..you never let each other go..and you made it..to your happy ending. In a world full of sadness and negativity, you give me hope. You showed me that no matter how many–how many obstacles you will go through, you will overcome them, because you’ll stay at each other’s side. R-ride or die, right? I’m thankful for having you in my life. I love you.” At this point Kara went to hug the two women, her tears falling on their shoulders. She had reached her breaking point. She wasn’t okay. She wasn’t okay. “I’m proud of you, Kara. I love you.” The older sister held the younger like in one of those nights, when she first arrived on Earth, she had recurring nightmares and she felt alone and..lost.

Kara felt an electric shock, going through her bones and skin: there was a shift in the air, she thought it could’ve been the sense of peace coming after releasing all the emotions she had bottled up for months, but something in the atmosphere had changed. She closed her eyelids, but she felt her sister turning around, pulling away. “Kara..” She heard that voice. His voice. Her eyes opened quickly, making sure that it was a mirage but..she saw him. Standing in front of her. Everyone was staring in his direction, so it probably wasn’t an hallucination. She stepped closer to his silhouette, slowly and carefully, almost afraid that a wrong move would’ve made him disappear. He didn’t move, he was just looking at her with expectancy, she hadn’t reacted. She recognized those eyes and she touched his face. “Mon-El?” Kara hadn’t pronounced those two syllables out loud for so long, her lips felt a weird sensation. His palm touched hers on his cheek, her knees felt weak; “H-how?” He gave her a weak smile and she didn’t even let him reply. She just sobbed into his strong arms, burying her face in his neck. Her necklace was still there. Kara knew there was a bunch of (confused) people around them, but she couldn’t care at all. Mon-El was back with her. She was okay. She was more than okay.

“Please, tell me I’m not dreaming.” Kara whispered through the tears. “Because I feel your arms around me.” She chuckled bitterly, thinking about the dreams she had about him. “This isn’t a dream.” He cupped her face smiling, resting his forehead on hers like always. Somebody started clapping and she hated it: but at least it made it real, Mon-El was with them. Kara grabbed his hand and led him out of everyone’s sight, still in complete shock, with tears streaming down her face. “How did this happen? The lead in the atmosphere..are you okay?” Every question was followed by a touch, just to be sure, again, he was really there. “I am okay. Well, when I went away..I got into a portal that got me to the 31st century. A group of heroes helped me find a cure to get back to you, and in the meantime..I became the hero you thought I could be. I helped them saving the world multiple times, I’ve been called a hero multiple times, but you were my inspiration behind all of that. You were in my heart the whole time, and you helped me get through my weakest times. I know it’s been 6 months for you.. But it’s been almost 2 years for me. Yet..nothing changed.” He touched her blonde hair, while she processed all the information she got in such a short time.

“So, you aren’t allergic to lead anymore?” “Nope.” He took a deep breath. Kara threw herself in his arms and Mon-El picked her up to spin her around. “When did you arrive, though?” He scratched his chin, “3 days ago, but I didn’t want to go to you immediately..I didn’t know if you moved on, and..” “Mon-El.. how could I move on? I love you. Even if now I’m mad at you for hiding for three damn days? Where did you go?” She playfully hit his arm, but her eyebrows shot up. “I went to the DEO first, praying that you wouldn’t have been there, but I found out that you were out shopping for the wedding. I can’t even lie, I almost thought that you were the bride. I felt so relieved when J'onn told me that Alex was getting married, I’m so so happy for them..” He chuckled lightheartedly. “I explained that I didn’t want to see you right away, he called Alex, and we set up a plan.. I stayed at Winn’s place. And here I am.” “Wow. This is..unbelievable. These months..were hard. It was like I was surrounded by a wall of glass, I could see everyone’s joy but I couldn’t take part in it. I can’t even comprehend how you could do this for almost 2 years.” “I had hope, you taught me to be hopeful. I knew that everything would’ve been alright.” “I hated this sentence for all these months, who would’ve thought that they were right, after all?” Kara smiled, truly, her lover mirrored her expression. “Kara..” Their fingers intertwined on her flowy dress. “Mon-El?” “I really need to do something.” His voice lowered, Kara felt shivers. “What?” “I really need to kiss you, or I’ll go crazy. May I?” Kara cupped his face and simply replied with her lips on his, it tasted like the oxygen she felt missing in her lungs, it tasted like happiness. It tasted like a happy ending, or better, a brand new happy beginning. “I love you so much.” “I love you even more.” “It’s good to say it when neither of us are crying.” “It feels really good.” Kara laughed and hid her face in the crook of his neck, she missed being this carefree and..happy: like that Dopey grin, butterflies in her stomach happy.

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AND HERE IT IS! 😁😁 I hope I can write some more content for the fam during this hiatus, but finding inspiration is pretty hard.😪 I know it’s not the best, but I tried and I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think in my inbox or in the reblogs maybe, love you allllll!😘😘😘❤❤

#karamel #kara danvers #kara zor-el #kara x mon el #kara x mon-el #mon-el #karamel one shot #karamel one shots #karamel ff #karamel fanfiction #karamel fanfic #karamel fanfictions #karamel drabble #karamel drabbles #supergirl

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drmiralife · 7 years

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Yousef-No-chill-Acar’s POV - A fanfic

This is my idea of what Yousef might have been thinking and what might have made him act the way he did in Episode 5 at SYNG and also Episode 6. I just wanted to put myself in his shoes, rather than being mad at him any longer, and try to make light of this messy Yousana situation. The first chapter is a throwback to the development of his feelings and how he experienced the past encounters with Sana in the prior episodes, the next will be about Even, the fight and the Noora kiss. Hope you like it and I am open to suggestions and ideas <3 (Was gonna post this onto http://archiveofourown.org, but seems like I need a few days to get accepted lol)

PART ONE

Yousef was lying in his bed, smiling like an idiot. Elias had just texted him, that Sana invited all the boys to come to a Karaoke party tonight. That alone made him extremely happy. But when Elias added, that Sana explicitly wanted him to come, his whole body and soul bursted in anticipation. Sana, the beautiful, strong, smart Sana Bakkoush, wanted him, the guy who is desperately crushing over her, to be there. He couldn’t believe it.

Yousef couldn’t exactly pinpoint the moment he started to develop feelings for Sana. It’s been a long time coming. He has known her for years as his best friend’s younger sister, but as kid’s she was just that, Elias’ cute little sister. But once they grew up, he realized that now this fondness had turned to attraction: She had those dark green almond shaped eyes, a delicate little nose, prominent cheeks that were perfectly framed by her black Hijab, and full lips, which spread into the most heart-warming smile, revealing a perfect set of white teeth and his favourite feature - her beautiful dimples. Every time Yousef saw them, his heart seemed to skip a beat. But she hadn’t just enchanted him with her looks. Sana had become exceptionally strong over the years. She knew how to stand her back in front of her brother and his comments. She also seemed to be really smart, she was passionate about her believes and hobbies, she was loyal and kind. The list could go on forever.

But until a few weeks ago he hadn’t dared to live out this crush, Sana was his best friend’s little sister after all and she was very faithful to her religion, which he admired and was one of the many reasons Yousef started liking her, but he had lost his faith and knew that this would be a hard obstacle to overcome. Plus he didn’t even know if she would like him back. Yes, he had seen some of what seemed like curious looks and smiles from her part, but how could he know, she wasn’t just being kind?

Sana has slowly been taking over his mind more and more, but nothing but friendly looks and small sentences were shared between them. When Elias made a ridiculous comment about her being a russ, he couldn’t help himself. Yousef wanted to cheer her up, so he found a Khaleesi meme and edited it for her. Then after a long internal debate he finally sent her a friend request on Facebook, something he wanted to do forever and once she accepted, he delivered the meme right away. His heart was racing as if he had just run a marathon. But when she didn’t respond, he regretted sending it.. What was he thinking? He kept checking his phone every two minutes. But she didn’t answer. He felt so stupid. He was spiralling into an abyss of overthinking: So Sana accepted my FR, that’s good right? That could mean she likes me? But why didn’t she answer then? Fy faen, she probably thinks I’m not funny! Maybe she just wants to be friends. But she could have answered right? Maybe she got busy and couldn’t.. Yes that’s what happened! OR she is weirded out by the fact I send that awful meme.. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

He was feeling really shitty until he saw her again at the Bakkoush Household. How can a person look so beautiful eating a carrot?, he had thought and all of the past worries were forgotten instantly. He was drunk on Sana. When he saw Mama Bakkoush leave the kitchen, he couldn’t help it. Yousef excused himself, went to the kitchen and told Sana he was there to get something to drink. Yeah right.. He needed to walk past her to get to the fridge and he was feeling really desperate. In that moment Yousef had no chill and he didn’t car. There was a lot of space between Sana and the kitchen table, but regardless of that, he got as close as possible walking past her, stopping a second to look at her back, taking in her scent, while an Ed Sheeran song was playing. This moment would later haunt him in his dreams as the first close encounter they had had so far. Once he got the juice, he was back to looking at her failing to do as simple a task as peeling a carrot. It was hilarious to him. First he starred and enjoyed the show, but he couldn’t see her failing like that for long. He took the initiative and started talking to her, trying to teach her how to peel a carrot. But she failed again. So he took the peeler from her, and in that moment their fingers brushed each other and an electric current went through his body. Now he was also high on Sana. They started talking about his job at a kindergarten, liking children, about how many kids she wanted to have and how many kids he wanted to have. Real smooth Acar, real smooth. During that conversation her magnifying smile had spread across her full cheeks, revealing her cute dimples. And this time they were only directed at him and it gave him an amazing feeling he had never experienced with any girl before. They were way too soon interrupted by Elias, telling Yousef jokingly to stop flirting with Sana. Yousef feeling embarrassed tried to deflect that statement.

Later while still drunk and high on Sana, he wrote her again on Facebook, in hopes she would understand that he did in fact try to flirt with her and this time she answered. They started talking and he was giving all his best to let her subtly know that he liked her, without having to say it. He had allowed himself to believe that there was hope for the both of them, until one night when Sana had her russ friends over at her house and he and the boys just happened to interrupt. There were over approximately 20 drunk girls dancing in the living room and Sana’s parents would be coming home any minute. So Yousef and Elias threw all the girls out for Sana, who seemed overwhelmed with the task by herself, and helped remove the evidence. Once the parents came home, they did find a bottle of Vodka, so Yousef just took the fault, blaming it on a friend. Sana’s parents didn’t seem happy at all, but as long as Sana wouldn’t get into trouble, he wasn’t feeling bad about it. Once Elias and him left, Yousef got a text from Sana, thanking him. He liked that thought, him as her hero, but it didn’t last long, because she said she would find a way to convince her parents that he was a good Muslim after all. There it was, the topic he had feared to bring up. But he knew regardless of his worries that he had to be honest, Sana deserved to know. So Yousef told her that he didn’t believe in Allah. And then he didn’t hear from her again. He should have known it was too soon, but he couldn’t just lie to her forever.

Yousef kept writing her on Facebook, trying to deflect the topic with some jokes. And each time he didn’t get a respond his heart was breaking a little. She eventually removed him as a friend from Facebook, a blow Yousef hadn’t expected. A week after the bottle incident, Elias was at his place and had gotten drunk. Yousef didn’t know what was going on with his friend, but he knew he couldn’t stay at his place, because his parents would be home any time soon. But he also knew he couldn’t just send Elias home, so he had to call the one person he was hurting over-Sana. He took her number out of Elias phone and called, the first time she didn’t answer. He was getting desperate and the clock was ticking. The second time she picked up and Sana suggested bringing Elias to her best friend’s house. He had met Noora at a Party with Sana’s other friends before. She was a really nice and kind girl, easy to talk to. He liked the fact Sana had such a great friend. Back in the day the circumstance that Sana’s friends were all without a doubt non-Muslim, had given him hope to even take a first step towards her. He was obviously wrong.

While leaving the apartment building with Sana he offered to walk her home, which she first declined, but he insisted. While walking they kept a safe distance, which felt like kilometres to him. The uncomfortable silence and shy glances didn’t help at all. The air between them was filled with unspoken issues and his mind was racing to find a way to start a conversation, but it was blank. Until he saw a football on the side of the street. He went over to get it, kicked it and started passing it in front of him. Then he remembered Sana liked Basketball more, so he kicked the ball up and started dribbling it with his hand. Soon after Sana asked him what Elias had been drinking, so Yousef answered teasingly Vodka. While Sana was taken of guard, he passed the ball towards her, which she obviously couldn’t catch. Then Yousef started teasing her about her bad reaction. The way her competitiveness lit up and she confidently strut towards Yousef with the ball tucked under her arm and hot temperament adorning her soft face, did beautiful things to his mind he couldn’t even begin to describe. He quickly began apologizing while still laughing to not feel her wrath and told her to pass the ball, which she did full force. A basketball court was just around the corner and they started playing. Yousef was surprised how well Sana played and how natural it came to her. Yousef made a mental note that he needed to practice. But he didn’t care about his pride being hurt, because Sana smiling from cheek to cheek made more than up for it. She was amazing and he was awestruck.

Once they got tired they sat down to catch their breaths. After a while Sana asked him why he didn’t believe in Allah and he told her about Even, and the way religion didn’t completely agree with his personal morals. So he took the best of Islam and dumped the rest. Sana calmly explained her standpoint and how she felt about her faith and it was beautiful to Yousef, although he felt like he didn’t need it for himself personally. She was so caught up in her talk that she started explaining how cockroaches had Antibiotics in their brains and how everything had a bigger reasoning. Yousef couldn’t’ help but admire her passion. They then took a stroll through the park and he picked some flowers for her which she attached to her Hijab. Sana was so beautiful and smart, he felt like he was on top of the world with her in that moment.

When the night had started to set, they finally reached her apartment building and stood in front of it facing each other. Sana was looking directly into his eyes. He couldn’t believe it, so he asked her just to make sure. She confirmed it and laughed so dearingly that his heart was about to drop. He couldn’t help but move his line of sight towards her full lips and imagine what they would feel like. As if she was reading his mind, she started shaking her head while suppressing a smile. He has never been rejected so sweetly. His feelings were bursting inside him and clouding his mind, so he couldn’t think straight anymore. He had totally forgotten what he wanted to say. Then Mama Bakkoush interrupted them, and the beautiful moment ended. On his way home Yousef was gliding on a cloud of ecstasy, not being able to repress his smile. Sana had stolen his heart today and he couldn’t be happier.

The next few days were filled with work, his boys and some basketball practice. He had hoped Sana would send him a FR again or just send any sign of interest. But there was none. Yousef knew she needed time to think about everything and he would give it to her. After their beautiful evening on the basketball court, he was high on hopes for them and would give her all the space she wanted. With every day that passed though, some doubts were creeping up naturally, maybe religion was too big of an issue for a relationship in Sana’s eyes after all, but they were all gone when Elias told him about the invitation.

Yousef looked at his phone and saw the time 18:07 o’clock. He got up to his feed and went get ready for the night. He showered, shaved, got dressed and put on one of his favourite snapbacks. He wanted to look extra good for Sana. Yousef was nervous but happy to see her again and especially spending a night of singing and laughter with her. What could possibly go wrong from here?

This is the first chapter. Tell me what you think. The next chapter is going to be SYNG, and I already know how I’m going to explain Yousef’s behaviour and we will have some dialogue finally (I love writing them a lot more than thoughts to be honest.). I hope it’s going to be relatable. Until probably tomorrow <3

PS: Please, excuse the imperfections in language, it’s almost 2 am in Germany. Also am I by no means a professional writer and English is my third language. Plus first Fanfic ever.

#skam #skam season 4 #skam season four #yousef acar #sana bakkoush #yousana #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #elias bakkoush #noora sætre #even #syng #karaoke #carrots #basketball

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anewenfartist · 7 years

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Writing Critique for the ENF-Sports Contest

Writing Critique

The following are judge comments on the writing submissions (for people who wrote, and agreed they’d like to see the critique on their work from the judges). The critique isn’t meant to reveal what judge placed you in what spot. The comments and submissions will be in no particular order. Judges were not required to provide comments, but they were allowed to if they felt they wanted to share their thoughts with the contestants.

Even if it’s not your entry, I encourage any artists to look at this critique and consider it. Reading critique of someone else’s work could give you good insight what to do with your own art too!

If your stuff isn’t listed here, but you want it to be, let me know. I can edit your stuff in.

There is an exception to the writing comments. IGankMid did a great job of organizing their thoughts, but some tie into other critiques. Sorry if there were writers who didn’t want this public, but this one has to be posted as a whole. So everything from Gank will be here:

sta.sh/015aopok87ht

princebuffoon.deviantart.com/a…

- The start's nervousness and build up is great with such nice little details and observations as she prepares. As it continues, it's clear word choice is definitely a strong suit of yours, fantastic vocabulary and ability to paint little moments. There are some grammatical errors here and there, though very few, and probably not as noticeable to a reader who isn't scouring it critically. The buildup continues to be great, my heart racing along with the stories character. I'm of course left wondering 'why' she entered of course, but that seems to be less and less important as you're so wrapped up in the events. A fantastic entry!

* * * A creative and effective combination of the main contest themes. The story is well-paced, managing to keep things constantly moving while still fully explaining the premise, and held together by a view from Six’s internal narrative. A great entry!

kinkyquill.tumblr.com/post/160…

- The grandiose start with the competitors on stage made for a good scene set up. The variety of events and characters allowed for a couple of different angles to be covered. This has the risk of some parts feeling a bit lacking in depth though. A bit of a more careful eye should also be considered for editing, some errors did seem to slip by. The characters seem a lot of fun, and it seems like a lot of stories could be told with them, as groups or even individually. Interesting risk with the ending, leaving it up to the reader.

* * * This entry was very on-theme, good job! Since there were so many characters in a relatively short story, there wasn’t much time to get invested them all. I wasn’t previously familiar with any of the characters in the inter-narrative, but their personalities came across quickly through their actions and reactions. I didn’t expect the cliffhanger ending, but it won me over.

anonenffan.deviantart.com/art/…

- The start is a bit slow and stilted, but things pick up with the clever idea of a song from her past inspiring her. The character's personality I feel were well thought out, her want to win and do better fueling herself to push herself in other risky ways. The vocabulary at points feels redundant or too reused. You do a well enough job avoiding grammar and spelling errors. The ENF was on the light side as well at the start, but you do eventually pay off that risk with some true proper conflict and worry.

* * * This story had one of the simpler settings, which allowed the character and plot to take center stage. The slow build of tension worked well, finishing strongly with an exciting conclusion. The details were well thought-out too, from “Run to Cure the Common Cold” to “Average Jill’s Gym.” Quality writing, as usual from Anon!

ldnnld.deviantart.com/art/Bare…

- A fierce rivalry of events with mischief abound is a good set up. The embarrassment aided upsets were a nice touch. Characters were a bit cliché and lacking much depth, but were still fun to see sabotaging each other. I feel some scenes could have used a bit more focus and descriptions, just to add a bit more zest. Still a fun little story with some classic pranks.

* * * This story had a nice symmetry to it. It was predictable, since you knew that one section would very likely build and reverse on the next, but I still found this structure aesthetically pleasant. The competitive spirit of both characters showed strongly, but I didn’t pick up much else about who they are. There were a few technical mistakes, but they didn’t get too much in the way of the story. (I’d suggest getting someone to proofread next time, though.)

- ewong247.deviantart.com/art/Ka…

- I found the story to be fun, good use of determination to play to get her to stay so undressed. Your descriptions were good too. The biggest crippling issue with the story though is that you at times seem to really get the wrong word put into some sentences, sometimes to the point where I wasn't sure what it should be. The story would do well from a proof read where the lines are spoken out loud I believe.

* * * This took a kernel of reality and expanded it into a whole story. Katelyn felt like a real character (although none of the background characters resonated with me particularly). There were a couple of typos (e.g. “ur was useless” instead of “it was useless”, “they naked fighterfeel” instead of I think “the naked fighter fell”?), but overall the story was still well-written.

www.asianfanfics.com/story/vie…

- I like the set up, and felt the girl's dynamic was cute. I think Eunjung gave in a bit quickly to give up her panties though, there could have been more time spent with that, to clarify it being such a big deal. Some of the dialogue feels a little stilted too. Pacing could be stronger as well I feel, but overall the story was fun. The romantic angle was also very sweet. Oh, no points were docked for this, but hosting your story on a site that won't censor it to non members is probably best in the future for contest entries. Don't want to make it tough on judges and readers to get to your content.

* * * Definitely a cute concept. The sports and ENF are mostly confined to the first half of the story, with the second half being more romance. My main problem was that a lot of the characters’ actions felt somehow hollow to me, not really meshing with the personalities I was seeing in their words and reactions. It might have helped me follow along if the story spent more time to highlight their motivations for all these hijinks. The hijinks themselves were fun though, and the general story structure was solid.

divides.deviantart.com/art/Ane…

- Another entry with a very unique setting, taking full advantage of the openness of the contest! High stakes game that forces players to play along with ridiculous whims is definitely a great concept as well, and it's handled in as fun of a way as the fun that the princess and such seem to have with it. Only thing I feel the story lacked was getting to know a few of the characters better or focusing on some moments more. * * * A lovely take on alien Calvinball! There was a humorous undercurrent throughout the story, with plenty of cute moments from the protagonists. There were a bunch of characters, but each of their personalities came across clearly during the short story. Congrats on a fine ENF sports story!

tyvadi.deviantart.com/art/Goob…

- I would have to say this is one of the more original sports for the contest for sure. I loved the fascination of our main girl as she is so transfixed on her petrified schoolmate. A shame to see it end in such a "To Be Continued" but that's a shame because I do want to read more, and that's a sign of a good stoy for sure. Your grammar and spelling seem to be quite well done. Yet really, it doesn't feel criminally short and unfinished, so probably your greatest flaw.

* * *

This was definitely an unexpected and unique setting, compared to the other entries. Though this judge was completely unfamiliar with slime/petrification, they were integrated in a way that didn’t unduly distract from the main contest themes. The structure and details of the story were well-crafted, and it had plenty of sports and ENF elements.

rrrrrricossssssuave.deviantart…

- The setting of course stands out as pretty original, don't see many stories like this set in ancient Greece! There are few small tense errors or missed spellings, especially as the story goes on. The contrast of the many men around her, some so intimidating as our antagonist, is a strong contrast to our ENF star, which works I think for adding to her sticking out more. Very happy to see her win as well.* * *A very interesting entry! The setting and tone both match with a sort of “ancient legend” feel, which was a different take than most on the contest themes. It made for an effective story! The core structure was simple - a hero overcoming an obstacle - but it’s a classic one! The style made the story very immersive. (I didn’t notice any big English problems, except an occasional strange tense. E.g. “Clyo has never seen a more magnificent temple” was a sudden present tense.)

http://lunagold1.deviantart.com/art/Strip-Basketball-683619069?ga_submit_new=10%3A149619

- The story's biggest problem is that it's a tad straight forward. Events followed by events without much highlighting or focusing on any subjects. The overall premise is a great set up for a story. With a bit more polish and spice added, you'd have a great tale.

* * *

I could see this working well as a script for actors - it’s dialogue-focused and has the main beats for actions. I liked that there was a surprise ending. The spelling/grammar mistakes were somewhat distracting, so I’d really recommend getting a friend to help proofread.

http://pokemorphomega.deviantart.com/art/contest-Stripshooting-680527642

- The sport is definitely a fun idea. Girls shooting and making other girl's clothes vanishing is fun. A few inconsistencies in terms of personalities and rules I felt. A few grammar mistakes like missing words cause a bit of a delay in understanding a sentence or two. The characterizations feel a bit forced and sudden without much build up too. The tonal difference between cute exposure and death is a bit stark as well.

* * *

The repeated character death really made this story hard to read for me. I had to read it at an emotional distance to get through it at all, which hampered any impact it could have had otherwise. I'm sure there's a target audience for this story, but at least for this judge, the casual killings got in the way of everything else.

http://jawolfadultishart.deviantart.com/art/Melty-Times-at-the-Pool-Contest-Entry-682799317

It's interesting to know so clearly ahead of time what will happen. Suspense surely does build, wondering when disaster will finally strike. Really enjoying some of the attention to detail you give. Your vocabulary is definitely not a weak point either. There are few grammar hiccups I noticed as I went. Especially thought your description of the suit coming apart was pretty great. A very fun short tale overall.

* * *

A pretty simple ENF story, with a typical setup/reveal/aftermath structure. I couldn’t really get a feel for who Amanda was as a character, apart from a bit at the end when interacting with her friend. I liked the content of the two descriptive paragraphs: the one starting with “Her lungs burned” and the one starting with “The judge raises a hand.” However the first few words weren’t very representative of the paragraphs’ contents, so they would have been easy to accidentally skim over if I weren’t in contest-judging-read-every-word-mode. It might have helped to split them up into two or three paragraphs, to let the reader know which beats are important. (Erotica readers can be impatient, so you have to guide them!)

http://disc.yourwebapps.com/discussion.cgi?disc=58894;article=58654;title=The%20ASN%20Story%20Board

You have some really good atmosphere to the story, that's for sure. Nice angle part way through as well with using commentary as an alternate way to narrate the story partway through to change it up for a bit. Good job capturing the excitement and action too. The main flaw I'd say is the story could have focused more on some ENF themes. So a bit of a miss with the theme since so many other types of emotions take over the story, and ENF was supposed to be a big deal of course.

* * *

- Cool world-building! Kate has a good character arc over the course of the story, which is the main strength of this entry. (I didn’t connect very much with Maria or the other background characters while reading, but maybe others did.) The sci-fi setting was a cool backdrop for a “dangerous racing” story.

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xsmom2000 · 4 years

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Our lives have been turned upside down and we don’t know what’s normal anymore. In fact, we are all having to adapt to a new normal.

In December 2019, Covid -19 and coronavirus, were words bandied about in reference to what was going on in China. For many of us, it was a news story from another part of the world, one that didn’t touch us directly unless we were watching the stock market. The facts were unsettling, and people were dying, but like all events that take place thousands of miles away from our first world couches and our 9 to 5 jobs, it wasn’t about us and it probably wouldn’t make it this far. For that moment, it was interesting and gripping, but still just news.

How quickly things change. Today Covid-19 is affecting the entire world and no matter where you live in this great big world of ours, your lives, by now, are in various stages of upheaval. Our normal lives have changed dramatically and most of us are desperately trying to adapt to our new routines.

Today marks 14 days of a government-sanctioned lock-down here in Spain. This meant staying home unless there was an essential or imperative reason to be out: Essentials – having to work; to purchase food, medicine or fuel; transportation to airports to return home or driving home; to walk the dog within a short distance from home. Imperatives – immediate health emergencies; ongoing medical appointments such as dialysis and cancer treatments; country-wide delivery of essentials to stores and medical facilities. Initially, the lock-down was slated for two weeks but has since been extended until April 13th – I won’t be making bets on it. The number of new infections, hospitalizations and fatalities are still rising, and until the curve flattens, I know the lockdown will continue.

Here in Nerja, all levels of the police force and some military have been called upon to monitor peoples’ compliance with the regulations and to help out wherever they are needed. Police cars constantly patrol the streets, loudspeakers are used to tell us (in Spanish, English and German) to stay inside, to not leave our homes unless absolutely necessary. Fines are handed out for breaking the rules. Woe unto to those who slip out to get a pack of smokes, a 6-pack and a bag of chips, go for a walk day after day with the same rock hard loaf of bread in your back-pack or walk your dog 3 kilometres from home because it takes her a while to find the perfect place to relieve herself – it will cost you big bucks or worse. There are few tales of non-compliance and most people in this town of 21,000 are doing their best to keep ‘un bicho (the bug)’ away.

The strict precautions seem to be working in Nerja because as of yesterday, there had not been one reported case of Covid-19, which means no deaths resulting from it either. Such amazing news in light of what’s happening in other parts of Spain.

So, amidst the lockdown procedures, we have adapted to a new normal.

First of all, my partner and I decided that I be the one to venture out into the public spaces for shopping and such, and he would bring out the trash and recycling. I go out every six days to pick up fresh vegetables, buy food and other essentials (including toilet paper we haven’t stockpiled).

An organic bounty – how we manage to eat it all, I don’t know.

This once a week food excursion is my social event of the week. First on the list is to pick up a box of fresh organic vegetables. Money is exchanged in a plastic baggie slipped out through a half-opened car window and the freshly picked vegetables are placed in the trunk. I can smell the onions right away! After a smile, a thank you and a brief conversation, I am off to the supermarket.

Once inside the store, I sanitize my hands, don my plastic gloves, grab a cart and away I go pick up according to my list. I keep my distance from others, step back, move aside and with a grand sweep of my plastic gloved hand, give leeway to others when they venture too close – my Covid-19 waltz of the supermarket aisles.

Supersol is the closest supermarket to my home and their employees are fabulous. Plastic gloves and hand sanitizer are provided upon entering the store. The employees themselves are masked, gloved and aproned, but are still helpful and engaging. The numbers shopping at one time are closely monitored. Lines 1-meter x 1-meter are taped off in front of the meat, cheese and fish counters and at the check-out, making it easy and safe for us shoppers to self-distance and to not subject the employees to unnecessary risk. Employees are constantly sanitizing the carts, trolleys and baskets. Still, they remain kind and helpful and are still laughing and joking with each other- I guess laughter still works in a 1-meter square space.

Groceries are packed when I get out to the car – bags for immediate use and those that can stay in the car until the next day. Packing this way is really an excuse to climb the 180 steps to the car and back. We have to take exercise wherever we can get it. As soon as I get home, I change my shoes and wash my hands. I’m done for another week.

At home, I’ve been cooking up a storm in order to use up the bounty in the veggie box and I now bake all of our bread. Since yeast (fresh or dried) is non-existent, a sour-dough starter is now fermenting, so in 3 days, it will be sourdough bread for us from then on.

I’ve tried to keep my days as close to routine as possible – get up early, shower and dress (no PJ’s allowed), read, write, study Spanish, have online chats with fellow Spanish students (in Spanish), cook, bake, play very competitive games of Scrabble with my partner, keep in touch with friends and family and let’s not forget the never-ending scourge of housework. Oh yes… I do watch TV, particularly Netflix, because I can’t handle the news anymore.

Sounds great hey? Normal even. Not even close. For as mundane and ridiculously ordinary as my life sounds right now, it is damned hard not to feel the weight of what is happening in the world. Just watch news coverage from places like Bergamo, Italy and Madrid and Barcelona, where the number of the sick and dying still rise, where health care workers and political leaders weep at the loss and heartbreak. It is gut-wrenching to think about the numbers of people who are isolated in their suffering, fighting with each shallow breath or taking that final breath alone. It’s difficult knowing that doctors are making real decisions on who can be taken off a ventilator in order to let someone else live.

It makes me angry seeing stories of queues of people hoarding toilet paper and bottled water, Coca Cola and flour; of people treating self-isolation and social distancing as if they were obstacles to overcome, searching for some loophole to enable them to thumb their noses at the system in order to live their lives selfishly, without thought for others. Overcrowded parks and beaches; government leaders who deny or downplay what’s happening before their eyes. Is it ignorance, invincibility, selfishness, the lure of the almighty dollar?

As much as we seek to flood social media with uplifting and positive thoughts, read bedtime stories via Skype or find creative ways to battle boredom, somewhere mixed among it all is the scary reality stemming from this pandemic. We need to do absolutely everything in our power to slow the spread of the virus, to ease the difficulties of those working and fighting on our behalf, to turn our small actions into a massive collective turning point. And if that means simply staying home, then that’s what we need to do.

Thinking and hoping and wishing…

So, for those of you asking how I am doing? For the most part, I am doing fine – healthy and safe with enough of everything that I need. I fill my hours by keeping busy and doing things I never seem to find time for. I try and keep in touch with others. I feel good in that I am doing my part by following rules and check on our elderly neighbour every day under the guise of sharing a meal or a loaf of bread food. Physically, I can do no more. I do try to maintain a positive outlook, but it’s not easy seeing what’s happening in the world without feeling the hurt and uncertainty of the moment. It’s hard to comprehend what the fall out will be when the tide has turned. I long for simple things – the company of family and friends, freedom to come and go, physicality of warm hugs and the joys of laughter shared across a table.

The weight of the world does lay heavily on me at the moment- more so regarding the future of our world. It causes me to think and question everything. When this is all over, I will return to a new normal…with gratefulness for people who serve me every day – the shop workers, truck drivers, health workers, and teachers to name a few. I will endeavour to show more patience and kindness to others. I will express thanks, admiration, and love often I will speak and live my truth as best I can. I will use my time wisely and be more circumspect with finances. I won’t take my freedom for granted and most of all, I won’t take this life for granted.

Life has never seemed more precious than it does at this very moment.

NORMAL IS CHANGING Our lives have been turned upside down and we don’t know what’s normal anymore. In fact, we are all having to adapt to a new normal.

#Canada #Coronavirus #Covid-19 #Death #Family #Food #Friends #Happiness #Home #Italy #Kindness #life #Love #Media #Peace #Spain #Travel #Writing

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deepinsightslibrary-blog · 5 years

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How Your Value Is Determined

Determining the value of anything is not easy. People go to the university for years to study “valuation”. What is the value of a house? What is the value of a car? What is the value of a person? What is the value of a person to God? Obviously, the values of things change from person to person. Someone may value a diamond whilst another may kick it away as a worthless stone.

When you work for the Lord, you must seek to increase your value! You must understand what makes you valuable and do those things. You must understand what valuable thing God has placed in you and develop it.

Several things determine your value. Different people value different things. It is important to know some of the different things that increase or decrease your personal value.

How to Increase Your Value

1. Your value increases when you can be sent.

...Here am I; send me.

Isaiah 6:8

Not everyone is sendable. A person being sent on a mission must have the special ability to be faithful without varying the message. Most people who are sent on a mission become sympathetic to the people they are sent to and modify their mission and their message!

If you look closely at the church today, you will find a modified message with a modified mission. I once sent somebody on a very simple mission. After a while, I realized that the person had become sympathetic to the group I had sent him to. This individual fell in love with the group and wanted me to support them financially. He constantly referred to the needs of the group rather than the message I had sent him with.

Once, without my knowledge, this person pledged my financial support to things I had not intended to do. After a while, I realized that I was sending the wrong person. My messenger had become sympathetic to the people he had been sent to. O how valuable it is to have someone you can send!

Someone who will not change the message! Someone whose heart will not change with time! Someone who will stay with the mission. Thank God for those who can stay with the message no matter how hard or ridiculous it sounds.

2. Your value increases when you can bring projects to a close.

To the inexperienced, this point may seem even frivolous. But I have employed different people, assigned them to various projects, and found them unable to conclude just the final little part.

Some people are able to start projects and carry them for a good distance. Amazingly, they are not able to conclude on their project even though they have come ninety per cent of the way. The last ten per cent of every project is a crucial final piece.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick; when the hope of accomplished tasks is dashed repeatedly, the heart of the leader is sickened.

A beautiful car, without one of its tyres, is the same as not having a car because a car with three tyres cannot be driven. Many people do not realize that one little uncompleted segment neutralizes everything else.

Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith. Some people are authors of things but not finishers. Your value greatly multiplies when you can finish what you have begun.

Every task has a whole lot of problems that will prevent its conclusion. Some people who are sent are unable to find solutions to these problems. They simply report back with their list of insurmountable problems.

However, the finisher will break through the barriers and overcome every obstacle. Such people are truly valuable. They just come home with a list of victories. They tell you how they overcame the different obstacles they encountered.

3. Your value increases when you can accomplish tasks with speed.

It is a pleasure to have a fast and reliable worker. I have had workers who accomplish tasks at different speeds. I prefer to work with people who bring projects to a close quickly. In fact, the value of someone who can rapidly conclude projects is very high.

I place a high premium on speed because delays are expensive and often lead to the cancellation of the original vision.

4. Your value increases with your ability to solve diverse problems.

There are people who can solve diverse problems and bulldoze their way through obstacles. I have people on my staff like that. They can deal with all kinds of people and solve all kinds of problems.

Whether the issues are private or public, they are able to sort them out. They can deal with difficult people, manage crises, help with personal matters and defeat the enemy. Such people are very valuable because life is full of diverse problems. Problems do not come in departments or under any particular headings. You need people who can solve problems no matter the category they fall into.

5. Your value is greater if you are involved in building a foundation.

You are those who have stood by Me in My trials; and just as My Father has granted Me a kingdom, I grant you that you may eat and drink at My table in My kingdom, and you will sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel.

Luke 22:28-30, NASB

The foundation of a building is the most difficult part to build. There are always some people who help to set things up. The contribution of such people is priceless. These people must never be forgotten. They are to be treasured and valued above those who come later. Anyone who wishes to set them aside does not understand what he is doing.

Jesus Himself promised His disciples that He would remember them especially because they had been with Him during the most trying times of His ministry.

Foundation builders suffer things that future workers will never experience. They experience the greatest pressures of the ministry. There are pastors who can build large churches but cannot actually begin one. Do not shy away from starting things. It may be your great opportunity to become valuable.

6. Your value increases with your ability to keep secrets.

No king would like to have a blabbermouth by his side. Many confidential things go on in the king’s palace. Keeping things private and confidential may be one of the most important things to do. Anyone who works in the office of leadership must learn the importance of privacy and secrecy. Unfortunately, some people do not have the ability to work without talking about what they do.

Working in banks requires lots of secrecy because you deal with people’s private wealth; one who cannot keep official information out of his domestic chatter will be unsuitable for such a job. Upon employment, banks will make you sign the oath of secrecy.

Working in a pastor’s office may involve listening to private counselling sessions. Working in a doctor’s office may also involve hearing and seeing people’s personal problems. These private matters are nobody’s business and should not be broadcast to the world. No one would like the whole world to know his personal problems.

Your value increases when you prove that you are capable of handling the responsibility of secrets. Some people will be employed simply because they do not have many friends! Some people will get certain jobs because they do not talk much with anyone about anything!

For this kind of job, you will have to avoid people who talk too much and have too many friends!

These “talkative” people will become valuable for the office party and other social gatherings where they will bring everything to life. Please understand what makes you valuable.

7. Your value increases when you are “good” company.

And he ordained twelve, THAT THEY SHOULD BE WITH HIM.

Mark 3:14

Jesus ordained twelve disciples simply so they would be with Him. He chose them to be in His company until He finished His ministry.

Not everybody can work comfortably with the boss. To work directly with the boss requires varied skills. The commander requires people who can engage in interesting and meaningful conversation. Some people just have nothing to say and therefore are not good company.

The Silent Hungry Look

Quiet people can be intolerable for a wise leader, as he has to constantly pry into their minds to find out what they are thinking.

His wisdom will cause him to search out hidden thoughts in case there are evolving plots against his life.

When I am with “quiet” people I always ask, “What do you think?” “How is your mind working? Is it a good idea?” I want to know what people around me are thinking.

Julius Caesar commented on Cassius, a worker in his court.

He said, “Yon Cassius has a lean and hungry look. He thinks too much: such men are dangerous.”

Cassius was one of the conspirators who murdered Caesar. Long before the assassination, Caesar mistrusted Cassius because of the silent, hungry look on his face.

The Empty Look

Others only enjoy talking about light and frivolous matters, which may not interest the leader. Leaders are not light-hearted men of straw. They are serious people who have serious issues to deal with.

Rulers have many issues to juggle with and value people who are full of good counsel and wisdom. Leadership is a very lonely job with few who understand the real issues and challenges at hand. Many people simply see the leader as a superman who knows everything and who is always right. Such an attitude will not go well with a leader who wants the input of those around him. He therefore needs people who think and analyze issues in a certain way.

The Suspicious Look

A leader is someone who fights many battles. He does not need a cabinet member who is suspicious and opposed to all he 57

does. This only transfers the battle from outside to within. Why should you employ someone to oppose and resist you?

Leaders also need people who think in a certain way. Paul said of Timothy,

...I have no man likeminded, who will naturally care for your state.

Philippians 2:20

King David had Hushai as his friend and King Solomon had Zabud as a friend. These friends were good company, good fellowship and gave good counsel.

The Creative Look

Creativity is the nature of God. People who are innovative and come up with good ideas when they are needed are also very valuable company.

Another important and valuable trait is the ability to meet the personal needs of the leader. Not everyone can work comfortably in the personal service of the king. Daniel and his three friends had the ability to serve in the king’s court. This, too, is an important skill.

...bring in some of the sons of Israel…who had ability for serving in the king’s court…they were to enter the king’s personal service.

Daniel 1:3-5, NASB

8. Your value increases when you can relate well with outsiders.

There are people who can relate easily with the outside world. However, not all workers are up to this role.

To effectively relate with outsiders, you need to develop the art of diplomacy. You must understand protocol. Not everyone is skilled in diplomacy. Some people are simply unrefined and unrefinable!

Your dressing may have to be modified if you are to appear in public. Your speech will have to be appropriate and polished for the occasion. Some people simply do not have the background that enables them to function in this role.

Some people are unable to communicate with the public without offending people. Some simply do not have the patience or the ability to be a public relations person. A person who knows how to serve in the public eye is therefore valuable.

9. Having a specialized ability increases your value.

When you have some unusual talent, you become valuable. For instance, your ability to speak an unusual language can increase your value greatly. You must find a place where your particular ability is valued. There are people whose ability to sing has earned them special jobs in special places.

Not everyone has the ability to be a world-class singer. Some people have the ability to type with speed and accuracy. Such things give unusual value to a person. When I began to write books, I discovered how few people really know how to type with speed and accuracy.

The ability to host people and cater for them is also a special skill. Not every woman cares for people in a way that makes them feel at home. Some women actually drive people away with their unfriendly and expressionless faces. Some people do not even bother to learn what to do to make a particular person comfortable. Such motherly hosts are specially endowed and are of great value to churches that host guests frequently.

The ability to be a good public speaker or presenter is a special skill that can increase your value. Such a person may be invaluable for public relations and improving the corporate image of the organization.

Special computer skills and technical abilities can also make a person valuable. Discover what special ability you have and exploit it to the fullest. Let your gift make room for you and take you to the highest place! 59

10. You are valuable when you save the organization money.

There are people who have the ability to help save money. They negotiate on behalf of the organization as though they were negotiating for their own lives. Such people save lots of money for the ministry through their bargaining skills. People who make purchases and payments for the ministry are often not concerned about how much everything costs. But there are some who care and try to get the best deal every time. Such people are priceless treasures to an organization!

Other people view the opportunity to make a purchase on behalf of the organization as a chance to make some money for themselves. These are dangerous people who slowly undermine the ministry.

Paul said,

For I have no man likeminded, who will naturally care for your state.

Philippians 2:20

11. Your value greatly increases when you can work without supervision.

Supervising people can be one of the most tiresome jobs. Having to constantly monitor what someone is doing is wearisome, to say the least. What a joy it is to have someone who can work with little or no supervision. Just give him the job and he will come back with the results. When you have to chase a person, giving a hundred reminders and promptings about the same thing, you may just want to do the job yourself!

Unfortunately, most people need supervision and cannot be trusted to work on their own. Become someone who works without supervision!

12. Loyalty makes a person valuable.

Loyalty is more important than any qualification or skill I know. Any leader who does not value loyalty will live to discover the pain of treachery. A loyal person is far more valuable than an educated but disloyal person. When an employer does not know the value of loyalty, he often chooses people who are impressive but intrinsically disloyal.

After a while, these impressive people turn out to be painful choices. I have watched as ministers set aside faithful people and choose exciting people who have no loyalty. These people have not learnt about the great value of loyalty.

With the passage of time, most people will prefer a loyal person to any other. Every worker has to choose between his loyalty to the boss and his loyalty to the rest of the workers.

I once told a new employee, “You will either be liked by me or by the people. It’s your choice.” His value to me would rise greatly if he was loyal to me rather than to the rest of the staff.

13. Good organizers and managers are valuable.

Some people are able to gather people around and make them do their jobs. Others are simply unable to control anyone. I once found out that one of my newly appointed managers was unable to control the janitor. I realized that I had chosen the wrong person to be a manager.

Someone who is incapable of controlling drivers, cleaners and housemaids will not be able to control more educated and confident people. Your value goes up when you are able to control difficult people.

14. You are valuable when you are a contented person.

Satisfied people are a joy to have around.

Better is an handful with quietness...

Ecclesiastes 4:6

Moses had the difficulty of leading a discontented and grumbling crowd. Such people cannot be satisfied by anything. Good relationships are not built on money. No amount of money can make a person happy. Discontented people want more and more but they are never satisfied!

A worker who is happy with the little you can give is truly a valuable person. One discontented person can poison the entire workforce. Such people love to be part of unions, strikes and disruptions of work.

Such things are not needed in the church! Get rid of discontented people. Send them off to get a better job where they will be happier. It is not worth having them around.

15. Your value increases when you can learn anything required.

You may be required to produce television programs. If you are rigid and unprepared to learn completely new things, you will be limited in your value.

People who are prepared to learn new things are valuable! You may be required to run an orphanage or a radio station. Are you prepared to learn a completely new skill? I have watched as lawyers have learnt the art of construction and doctors have learnt how to run bookshops and schools. Their value increased because they were prepared to acquire new skills.

16. Long-standing workers are valuable.

Time speaks! Someone who has been around for years has a value that “Johnny-just-come” does not have! Years of stability and faithful service definitely confer value on every employee. Time tells whether a person is faithful or not!

Time tells whether a person is a liar or not. Time tells whether a person is a thief or not. Time tells whether a person is morally upright or not. The long years spent together assure us that we can depend on you.

17. Spirituality makes you valuable.

Spiritual people are valuable. Every church should endeavour to employ spiritual people. Sometimes spiritual people do not have certain qualities or abilities but their spirituality gives them great value in the ministry setting.

Unfortunately, some churches end up employing all sorts of unspiritual people; even unbelievers. They do this in order to fill some vacancies.

But it is often better not to have anyone, than to have a carnal person working in the church. Someone who has not been spiritual is not likely to become spiritual when he is in full-time ministry.

Gradually, a little leaven leavens the whole lump. Unspiritual and unsaved people gradually dilute the intensity of the zeal and anointing of any ministry. Soon you may have a full-time ministry staff of pseudo-Christians.

Wrong decisions will soon be taken because of the influence of carnal people. Full-time ministry is a place for zealous people who are on fire for Jesus. The Lord said to the Laodecian church, “I wish you were hot.” God wants us to be hot and not lukewarm. Lukewarmness is a deadly enemy that destroys every true church.

18. Anointed people are valuable.

An anointed person is a special person with the grace of God operating in his life. Such people have great value because the grace and wisdom of God makes them operate above human ability. It is a joy to watch anointed people as they operate in the gift of God. They are special, they are different and they are wise!

The Spirit of the LORD will rest on Him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and strength, the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.

And He will delight in the fear of the LORD, and He will not judge by what His eyes see, Nor make a decision by what His ears hear;

Isaiah 11:2-3, NASB

This is the wisdom that comes through the anointing. May you be an anointed worker!

19. Experienced people are valuable.

Experienced people have an uncanny knowledge of the future. Most things actually work out the way experienced people envisage.

Many things do not happen the way you would expect. There is some special knowledge that comes only through experience. People with experience often turn the tide in a battle. A person’s value increases greatly because he is experienced. Do not shy away from things that make you experienced. The more experience you have, the more valuable you become.

20. Morality makes you valuable.

Moral and upright people are especially valuable as you can count on them to do the right thing behind closed doors. Joseph had the opportunity to sleep with his boss’ wife but he did not. He could be trusted in very tempting circumstances. Such people are truly valuable.

The presence of one lecherous person (someone who is unduly interested in sex) can spoil the work of many years and end the employment of everyone else.

The higher you go in ministry the deeper your safety pegs must be. When you get to the eighth floor and you lean on the balcony, you would not want to discover that it is made of cardboard! The higher you go, the more the need for stronger character.

21. Working with excellence increases your value.

Sloppy workers who deliver shoddy work are a pain to most employers. They need extra supervision and are stressful to have around. What a joy it is to have someone who delivers a quality job every time! Such people are valuable and it is worth paying the price to have their services.

22. Your choleric personality makes you valuable.

Your choleric personality will make you valuable in difficult projects that need a driving force. This is the personality that will make you valuable in building up something from scratch. Choleric people are usually the best leaders but not very good assistants.

23. Your phlegmatic personality makes you valuable.

If God made you a phlegmatic, you will have special abilities, which no one else has. Phlegmatic people are stable workers and able to carry out monotonous jobs. There are many important jobs, which must go on in spite of their repetitiveness.

Where would we be without teachers and lecturers who stick to their jobs for years? These precious and steady trainers produce the high achievers and skilled workers of tomorrow. Phlegmatic workers are usually valuable because they are good assistants.

24. Your melancholic personality makes you valuable.

Melancholic people are usually very gifted and very organized. They are usually thoughtful, contented and deeply sacrificial. Melancholic people became the great missionaries of the past. These people are often quiet and can work where privacy and secrecy is required.

If God has made you a melancholic, you will be useful for many things in the office environment. You will keep things organized and private. You will have the ability to bring order and good management into places which are often disorganized.

25. Your sanguine personality makes you valuable.

If you are a sanguine, you will not be useful for things which require much organization. The scatter-brained and disorganized sanguine is of no use with sensitive documents. However, without a sanguine, your office will be a sad place! It will be lifeless because the life and excitement of the team is often created by the valuable sanguine. This is where a sanguine is most helpful.

If you put a melancholic in an office which a sanguine should occupy, people will leave because of the silent, stern and unfriendly melancholic.

I value the sanguine people in my office. They have no replacement. All the melancholics and cholerics put together cannot make the contribution of one sanguine.

by Dag Heward-Mills

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sarahburness · 6 years

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Why I Can’t Always Be the “Strong One” and What I Do Now Instead

“You are not your struggles. You are the survivor who keeps moving forward in spite of them.” ~Lori Deschene

My mom was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder when I was seven years old. It’s a chronic condition that doctors say can be managed but not cured. The symptoms included manic high energy, depression, delusions, hearing voices, reduced need for sleep, and loss of touch with reality.

There were many times of stability for her, when she was on the right medication, taking it routinely, and attending regular psychotherapy. But if any of these elements were missing, those moments were often short-lived.

She was the type of woman who would speak to anyone in eyesight, make an instant connection, and fill the atmosphere with the kind of joy and laughter that would make anyone think of happy times.

For me, as I knew her well, any extreme traits that did not resemble these were signs that her body was not responding to the medicine and she was having what doctors call an “episode.” These were the times I knew she had to be hospitalized for stabilization. Some episodes were milder than others, but all resulted in my sister and I having to make the tough decisions, for my mother’s well-being, that deep down inside hurt us to the core.

We were like the three amigos, my mother, little sister, and me. We had a powerful bond, and my mother, being a single parent, taught us to be strong, independent, confident women. Growing up, I didn't know that my mom having her episodes would become the norm, and taking her back and forth to the hospital would become routine.

Years later it would never get easier, and each time felt like the first time. Each time I had to put on my armor jacket of strength, suck up my feelings of sadness, and be strong for my mother when she was not able to do that for herself. I had no idea back then that learning how to be so “strong” would eventually be my downfall.

I remember my first time taking my mom to the hospital. My heart raced and my chest filled with so much pressure it felt as if I was about to explode. I was filled with such overwhelming sadness, anger, and helplessness that I couldn't even express if I wanted to. It wasn't the time.

As we sat with my mother in the emergency room, waiting for her to get called back, everything moved in slow motion. Her rage of being taken to the hospital without her initial consent filled my ears with such vulgar slurs and hurtful words that I regularly had to remind myself it was her “condition” talking, not her.

Life can put us in situations where we are forced to be strong even when we feel weak inside. Society will give you the impression that being strong is a good thing. We are programmed to show strength and not express our weakness. It’s almost this hidden outlook as if expressing your weakness will allow someone or a situation to break you, and once we are broken, we can’t put the pieces back together.

We become so good at portraying strength; we fool others into believing that we have everything under control and do not need help. But, as I found over the years of being the strong one and continually putting on my armor jacket of strength, I was doing more harm to myself than good.

Here are some lessons I've learned since realizing that being the “strong” one is not always the best solution:

1. Don’t isolate yourself from others.

There were many times when my mother's episodes were extreme, and I didn’t want to share my feelings with anyone in my inner circle. I felt like no one would understand what I was going through, and it felt like I was in a battle all by myself. Unlike a physical disease, there are so many negative stigmas that can come with having a mental disorder. The fear of both my mother and I being judged and ridiculed was enough to keep my emotions and thoughts to myself.

During these times being social was the last thing on my mind. I avoided social outings with friends and family like the plague because I felt like I was going through things they wouldn't understand.

The more I isolated myself, the more toxic my mind became. When I was by myself, I would constantly dwell on my negative thoughts. They would race through my mind all day, and it was extremely hard for me to see the positive.

On the days when I did have a brief interaction with my friends, I was no longer the voice of reason but instead the “Debby Downer” who no one wanted to be around. The calls eventually slowed down, and my circle of friends became smaller and smaller.

Contrary to what I believed, when I finally decided to open up it made a world of difference for me. When I told a close friend the details of what I was going through, she said she could sense something was wrong with me and extended her listening ear. Even though she wasn't able to directly relate, she had a close friend whose sister had a similar diagnosis, so she was able to understand my concerns and offer a few stress management tips.

This one little moment speaking with my friend felt so freeing. I was finally able to open up to someone and not feel as if I was in a battle all by myself. Moments like those helped me realize that isolating myself was not aiding my strength but actually adding unnecessary stress.

When you isolate yourself, you tend to feel like you’re in battle alone and forget that it's innate for people who care about you to want to be there for you. Your friends and loved ones will be able to sense when something is wrong and will naturally want to offer support. By opening a dialogue, you might be surprised by how many people can relate in some way.

Even if someone is not able to directly relate, there are hidden messages of encouragement that you can receive when you least expect it. Allowing yourself to be around others during these times can make a shift in your energy, which can help make your days brighter.

2. Don’t hold your feelings inside.

I think one thing many tend to forget is that holding your feelings inside doesn’t make them go away. When you bottle your emotions inside you are allowing the pressure of the build-up to take control of your body. These feelings cause more harm than good. When worrying becomes excessive, it can lead to feelings of high anxiety and cause you to become ill. Stress, according to the American Psychological Association, is the leading cause of some of the most severe chronic diseases.

In the early years of my mother’s diagnosis, I would allow stress to consume my life. When high levels of stress would occur, I frequently became sick. I would frequent the doctor for stomach pains and was soon told that continuing on that path could result in causing a stomach ulcer.

Being “strong” does not mean that you need to keep things bottled up with no outlet. This is an unconscious thing we tend to do without thinking about the long-term effects. It is vital that we allow ourselves to handle the crisis by finding a positive outlet. Meditation and exercise can be great tools to use that will allow you to release the energy needed.

3. Let yourself be vulnerable.

In every healthy relationship, there must be a sense of vulnerability. Whether we’re talking about a romantic relationship or a friendship, vulnerability is needed for each person to be in their truth and for the connection to be genuine.

When you are put in situations where you have to be strong at all times you tend to build a wall up, what I like to call the “wall of protection.” This is a wall that builds over time and grows as you are forced to overcome more adversity.

The more you are forced to be strong and fight your battles, the higher the wall gets. In these moments of struggle, you are forced to take on an intensive militant mindset, figure out the problem quickly, and find the solution. You have no room for errors or mistakes. Because you are the strong one, your mind thinks if you allow a mistake everything will crumble.

I spent years unconsciously pushing people away without knowing it. I was accustomed to handling every battle that came my way on my own. My “wall of protection” eventually turned into this hard exterior that pushed everyone away, including men I was dating. It shielded my soft, playful side and turned me into someone who was a pro at masking her emotions.

How can you have a genuine relationship with no vulnerability? How can anyone get to know you if they only see and understand one side of you? Eventually, that relationship will drift away because it has no foundation to stand on.

By putting on your strong masquerade, you block others from seeing the real you. Without allowing someone to get to know you, including your fears and what makes you happy and sad, they are just getting to know your representative, not your true self.

What if you didn't have to fight the battle alone? By allowing yourself to be vulnerable and admitting when you are going through hard times, you allow yourself to receive love. And love is by far the most prominent weapon one needs to overcome whatever obstacles come his or her way.

About Lauren Marie Williams

Lauren Marie Williams is a transformational business coach for ambitious women and new entrepreneurs. She created a Morning Routine Plan that will help you make a powerful shift in your life in only five days. You can download your FREE copy here www.bit.ly/theultimatemorning.

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from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-i-cant-always-be-strong-one-what-do-now-instead/

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topicprinter · 6 years

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Hello fellow r/entrepreneur friends. First, I would like to wish everyone a happy Labor Day. What I really truly hope to accomplish here today is to inspire as many people as possible. Lurker or not. Goals can really be accomplished if you set your mind to it and develop a tremendous amount of discipline. As you already know, great things won’t come easy, especially if you don’t have any kind of safety net in your life. I hope you can relate to my story somehow someway. I’m here to help and please feel free to reach out to me if you want to.Please know that I’m not here to show off. On the contrary, I want to be able to provide some advice to others and if you're going through financial problems or simply have no clue what to do or how to get started, please know that you will get thru these hard times no matter what, as long as you stay focused and disciplined. Always think about long term goals!Personal background:I’m from South America and moved to Florida when I was 14 years old with my mom. My parents divorced when I was 9 years old. I love my wife and my mom and they both have been a great inspiration to everything I’ve accomplished so far. I’m 32 years old, married and no kids yet. I'm a US citizen now and I love this country more than I could've ever imagined. It is very challenging to adjust to a new life in a new country, leaving friends and family behind, overcoming everyday obstacles, learning a new language, but the real challenge comes with finding employers that will give you a chance to shine and show what you’re capable of. So how I became an entrepreneur is simply a combination of several things that I went thru early in life. My first job was at 16, I’ve been employed by Domino’s, McDonald's, KFC, Sports Authority, Best Buy, and my last job as an employee was driving a limo (I was 25 years old at the time) for a local limo company where I currently reside. I graduated from High School at 18 and right after, took a 2-year Business Degree from my local community college. But even after graduation, I felt like that diploma wasn’t really going to help me get anywhere. I wanted to become successful quickly, so I decided to pursue my real passion which was music.Failing and getting back up:I always wanted to be able to reach a level of financial freedom so those around me wouldn’t have to worry about money. My first real shot at trying to reach that financial freedom I’d always hoped for, was when I was 20 years old when I moved to San Francisco to become a ‘famous musician’. I literally packed all my clothes and few personal items in a small trailer and drove all the way to CA. It took me 5 days to make it from FL to CA. Through Craigslist I was able to find an affordable room for rent in the Fremont/Union City area. Landed a job at Sports Authority and Best Buy. Keep in mind that this is 2007 and networking was a lot harder back then. As I mentioned earlier, my main goal was to become a successful musician which at the time I thought would help me become financial free. I set myself a 5-year deadline, and if things didn’t work out the way I wanted, I would go back to FL and start all over again. I met a lot of great people in CA, I was able to tour the US a few times, and played in venues I never thought possible. When I turned 24, I had a lot of debt, because I was putting every single penny I made back into my ‘music career’. I reached almost 20k in credit card debt and finally realized it just simply wasn’t going to happen. I did however, gained a lot of experience in how to deal with people, my emotions, and networking. I moved back to FL at 25, landed a job as a limo driver and this was the job that inspired me to become an entrepreneur. After being a limo driver for about a year or so, I thought to myself that I could do it on my own, and much better. I was able to get a loan for a 10k SUV, I had ridiculous APR on that loan because of my credit score back then. I think it was something like 18-20%. But I didn’t care, I just worried about making ends meet and taking my new company to the next level.Building my company:First I researched everything that I needed to get done before starting my own limo business. Things such as insurance, permits, etc. I educated myself as much as I could. By bringing my new business online, it would set me back 2 to 3k. Since I didn’t have that kind of cash at the time and needed to get out of debt, I decided to learn how to build a website on my own. I watched many hours of website design videos on YouTube and after 2-3 months of watching videos non-stop, I had learned the basics of Dreamweaver along with some HTML, CSS, and JavaScript. I still wasn’t the best programmer so to speak, but good enough to put a presentable website together. My first 2 years were extremely challenging. It was no easy task, but I stayed focused and disciplined. I focused on what I was really good at and that is providing great customer service, I never stopped for a second and every day I was out there looking for a way to reach out to new clients. I did everything I could think of, for example promoting my company on Groupon. Groupon put me on the map so to speak, and I was able to build a solid foundation of local clientele. I networked like no other out there. I was always paying attention to the small things my competitors took for granted. Attention to detail was an essential part of my success. I was told NO many times. Finally, I gained some momentum which led me to become friends with some of the greatest people I’ve ever met in my life. Great mentors, whom I learned a lot from. I’ve met billionaires, became friends with one of the most successful attorneys in FL, and over time I also became friends with very successful entrepreneurs that were kind enough to let me inside their ‘circle of trust’. I’ve been in the livery business for over 7 years now. It has provided me with the financial freedom I once dreamed of. I bought my first home 2 years ago and was able to get rid of all my personal debt as well. Thanks to my business, I was able to branch out and work on new things. Being able to develop 2 or more streams of income is essential to your success. I’m also a stock trader now and I’ve been doing it for the past 2 years. If it wasn’t for my limo business, becoming a stock trader would’ve been a lot more challenging because of the amount of liquid cash/capital it requires in order to get in and out of the market on a daily basis and the psychological pressure that comes along with it.Finals words of advice:Never stop learning. Educate yourself. Read books. Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, The Power of Self-Discipline by Brian Tracy, and Money by Tony Robbins are among my favorite. (Audible is a great way to listen to books on your way to work, gym, etc). Never ever hesitate on saying yes to new opportunities because you never know where those will lead you to. Get rid of unnecessary bills. Stop hanging out with the wrong crowd. Surround yourself with positive people. Never judge a book by its cover. Be humble and always be grateful for all the blessings in your life.Thanks guys, and again, feel free to reach out. PM me. I’m here to help as much as possible. All best

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit

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lucyariablog · 7 years

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How to Beat the Battle of an Ineffective Blog

Editor’s note: You may have missed this article when CMI published it last year. We’re publishing this update since blogging continues to be among the tactics content marketers consider most critical to their success.

Despite how much work is involved, blogging often is thought of as one of the most basic points of entry into the content marketing game: It’s a versatile technique with a lot of creative possibilities, options, and approaches; yet it doesn’t require a lot of technical expertise or equipment to produce and maintain.

Blogging is also a powerful means of building an audience for your brand, and sustaining their interest over time – something every content effort should strive to achieve. Not to mention it can help fuel your other content marketing channels, since blog posts are easily adapted for use on social media or in email newsletters.

Those are just a few of the likely reasons why 80% of B2B marketers in our 2017 Benchmarks, Budgets, and Trends study include blogging as part of their content program, with other sectors (such as B2C and nonprofit) reporting similarly high usage rates. Our research also found that blogging is consistently among the top tactics its users consider to be most critical to their content marketing success.

80% of B2B marketers include #blogging as part of their content program via @cmicontent. #research Click To Tweet

Yet, considering just how powerful a role blogging can play in achieving key content marketing goals like engagement, lead generation, and a subscribed audience, it’s somewhat surprising to see such a gap between those who use it and users who rank it as their top factor of success.

What might be holding businesses back from getting more benefits out of their blogging efforts? For starters, our B2B research found that more than half (59%) of content marketers may lack a clear idea of what content marketing success looks like for their organization. It may seem backward, but many businesses begin blogging before they outline the goals to which they want their efforts to contribute or before they even understand how to gauge its performance.

There are also plenty of less obvious obstacles your blog content needs to overcome if your efforts are going to truly achieve the best outcomes from your efforts. If you aren’t feeling effective with your blog, chances are you are struggling with at least one of the following issues, and might benefit from the tips and examples below:

HANDPICKED RELATED CONTENT: 9 Blogging Tools That Will Make Your Job Easier

Problem 1: You aren’t publishing on a consistent schedule

Great blog content should be like an eagerly anticipated gift to your readers – they look forward to every new delivery and are happy to visit your site to retrieve your content as soon as it is available. But what happens when they arrive and the gift they were expecting hasn’t shown up? If you can’t keep the content engines churning or fail to deliver on the expectations you set with your blog, those readers will walk away disappointed – and may think twice about returning.

Great #blog content should be like an eagerly anticipated gift to your readers, says @joderama. Click To Tweet

Warning signs: Consistency issues typically result from one of these two underlying problems:

Lack of editorial infrastructure – You haven’t set a workable schedule for creating and publishing your content or established the necessary workflow that would reliably govern your process.

Lack of resources – You need more writers or more creative ideas; or you are running into productivity problems that are keeping your team from being able to bring your ideas to fruition.

Potential solutions:

Develop an editorial calendar – Establishing a schedule of topics you will cover and the timeline for doing so can help you set realistic expectations and keep your content creation in line with your marketing goals. These editorial calendar essentials will help get you started.

Improve your creative ideation process – If you are struggling to fill your content calendar with impactful topics, it may be helpful to revamp the way your team generates its content ideas. You can also try some helpful tools that can be used to spark content creation.

Enhance your productivity – With so much to do, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and frustrated as the to-do list grows ever longer. Need some tips to help you streamline your efforts and keep up with all the tasks involved in content creation? Learn more about the 30 habits of highly productive content teams, then check out our collection of time-saving content marketing tools. You can also follow our complete guide to becoming a content marketing productivity master.

Enlist the help of your team members for content creation – Your executives, team members, and even colleagues outside of the marketing department can be motivated to help increase your content coffers. Use these tips to get your whole team involved in your content marketing efforts.

Best practice example: Moz’s Whiteboard Friday

If consistency is key, Wizard of Moz Rand Fishkin certainly knows how to unlock the doors of audience engagement. Whiteboard Friday blog posts tackle the SEO questions (both large and small) that marketers have, and do so in a creative and visually appealing way – week after week, without fail.

Problem 2: Your blog content isn’t unique or distinct

For your content to stand out among the competition, it needs to offer distinctive value – providing information your readers can’t get anywhere else, serving a segment of your audience no one else is addressing, finding a unique angle for content in your business niche, or delivering on promises your brand is uniquely qualified to make.

Warning signs: If you aren’t giving your audience a compelling reason to choose your content over everything else they could be spending time with, your blog will never reach its full marketing potential. Here are some sure signs your content is going to fade into the background:

Give the audience a compelling reason to choose your content over everything else, says @joderama. Click To Tweet

You don’t know what makes your brand special – You need to identify the specific ways your business is different than everyone else’s before you can create content that communicates with a signature tone, voice, or style.

You are targeting too broad an audience – As CMI founder Joe Pulizzi often says, if your content is meant for everybody, it won’t benefit anybody.

If your #content is meant for everybody, it won’t benefit anybody, says @joepulizzi. Click To Tweet

Potential solutions:

Craft your editorial mission statement – This sets the tone for all your content creation efforts by defining your unique perspective on your industry and outlining the value proposition your blog content will offer.

Find a new niche – If you don’t believe you can be the leading information provider in your chosen content niche, you haven’t drilled down deeply enough to find the right angle – for your blog or any other content your business offers. Struggling to find your footing? Try following Joe’s advice for creating a content tilt.

Get creative with your approach – Sometimes the power of a blog isn’t rooted in what you say but rather in how you say it. Look for opportunities to take your blog readers down an unexpected path, approach topics from a unique angle, or explore special interests that your brand and its fans may have in common. Check out these 75 examples for a little inspiration on taking content in a novel direction.

Best practice example: Denny’s Tumblr Blog

Denny’s blog is a veritable grab bag of entertaining eclecticisms that range from clever to downright bizarre. Though its content choices may not be what you would expect from a restaurant brand, everything is presented in a way that is consistent with Denny’s voice – whether it’s a ridiculous pun or a bizarre tip for alternate ways to use pancakes. The blog is filled with the kind of content that people won’t hesitate to share because it’s genuinely funny and doesn’t feel like just another advertisement.

Problem 3: Your blog is all about you – not your audience and their needs

Warning signs: Ever meet someone at a party who goes on and on about himself, without showing any interest in the people he’s talking to? If your brand is “that guy,” your readers will eventually grow tired of not being heard and look for any excuse to leave the conversation – for good.

Potential solutions:

Highlight ways readers can get involved in your brand, and recognize them for their efforts – Don’t just say you are interested in your readers – prove that you value their participation and feedback by responding to their comments, creating opportunities for them to contribute their ideas, and rewarding them for helping you spread the word about your business.

Demonstrate your understanding of their needs by addressing common pain points and providing relief – Create content with tangible value such as tips, templates, and toolkits; answer your customers’ questions; or give your audience access to other real-world solutions that will enable them to accomplish their tasks more quickly and more effectively, with your brand at the top of their minds.

Best practice example: MintLife

Content brand MintLife was conceived as a way for personal finance software service Mint to help its customers get answers to their personal finance questions. Mint built a strong following on a tight budget by inviting finance bloggers to contribute content, while also sponsoring other finance-related blogs – efforts which helped the company quickly grow its subscriber base to more than 20,000 consumers. Then, to extend its reach – and its ability to get found by consumers in need of trustworthy finance advice, the company seeded its MintLife content on popular distribution sites like Digg and Reddit.

Problem 4: Your content has a short shelf life or limited reach

Content can be the gift that keeps on giving – for your brand, as well as for the consumers who love it. But for this to happen, you need to know how to squeeze as much value as you can from every piece of content you create and get it into the hands of as many interested readers as possible.

Know how to squeeze as much value as you can from every piece of content, says @joderama. Click To Tweet

Warning signs: There are a few key reasons why your blog content might be withering on the vine instead of spreading its seeds far and wide:

You aren’t producing evergreen content – Trend- or news-focused content is great for illustrating your brand’s insights; but this type of content typically comes with a built-in expiration date, cutting off your potential for long-tail engagement.

You aren’t making it clear you want readers to speak on your brand’s behalf – If you aren’t making it as easy as possible for readers to share your content, you are making it harder for your influence to spread.

You publish, then move on – Content marketing isn’t for those lazy, “set-it-and-forget-it” types of businesses. It takes hard work before, during, and after you publish to make sure your content works hard to bring you success.

Potential solutions:

Use content curation techniques to refresh older posts – In addition to creating content on evergreen topics that have long-lasting relevance, you can give your aging content a new lease on life through content curation. Update popular posts with more contemporary advice, linking to newer sources of information, including outside perspectives on the topic, or adding fresh visuals – like infographics or videos – to liven up the discussion. Then, republish the post, making sure to acknowledge – and link to – the original.

Enable the sharing behaviors you seek – Featuring sharing buttons, requests for comments, and calls to action in your blog posts alerts readers that you would like them to share their brand love while helping you channel their assistance in the specific directions you desire.

Promote your content – Social media and email marketing are both must-have techniques for spreading the word about the content you’ve published. But if you want to extend your blog’s life span and expand its reach beyond your circle of influence, consider supporting your posts with paid promotional techniques like native advertising, promoted posts, and search ads.

#Socialmedia & #email marketing are must-haves for spreading the word about your content, says @joderama. Click To Tweet

Best practice example: The Buffer Blog

In late 2015, Buffer decided to eschew creating new blog posts for one month in favor of repurposing and refreshing content from its archives. Though some of its efforts were more successful than others, the experiment provided some invaluable insights on how to increase the payoff of every blog post.

HANDPICKED RELATED CONTENT: 17 No-Cost Ways Writers Can Extend Reach of Their Editorial

Problem 5: You aren’t using your blog to build subscribers and drive loyalty

Let’s face it: For your blog to be effective, it needs to help you achieve your business goals, not just boost your brand’s ego and pad your writers’ personal portfolios. Increasing subscriptions is a solid, measurable step in that direction given that the awareness and interest the blog generates now can be nurtured into long-term brand engagement and loyalty over time.

Warning signs: Why aren’t your blog readers signing up for more? Perhaps your content is getting caught up in one of these likely traps:

You aren’t directing readers down the path you want them to follow – It took your hard work to bring guests to your door, why would you just let them wander around aimlessly once they’ve arrived?

You aren’t making a compelling case for subscription – Sometimes readers need a little convincing to help them decide that your content is worth raising their hand for.

Your offerings are all or nothing – While a one-size-fits-all subscription might satisfy some enthusiastic brand fans, it could be a big turn-off to casual readers, or those who are already inundated with unread emails in their inboxes.

Potential solutions:

Include a call to action that directs site visitors to take the next step – Be clear as to what you want them to do and highlight the benefits they’ll receive in return. But remember, your ask doesn’t need to follow the same format every time. Consider these alternatives to the traditional text-based end-of-post callout.

Offer an incentive to sweeten the deal – Give subscribers access to exclusive content, insider discounts, or other desirable benefits in exchange for their permission to connect with them more directly. You’ll be surprised at how much more willing readers may be to share their personal info when they feel they are getting something tangible in return.

Enable subscribers to customize the communications they receive – Just because a reader doesn’t want to visit your blog or hear from your business every day doesn’t mean she might not appreciate the opportunity to receive a monthly message or content on specific topics only. By making your terms of engagement flexible and giving readers the power of choice, you’ll make the experience more comfortable, satisfying, and mutually beneficial.

Best practice example: Autodesk’s Redshift blog

Autodesk’s Redshift blog reflects the company’s recently expanded editorial charter, which places a high priority on providing innovative ways for readers to personalize their content experience. For example, registered visitors can choose to follow particular authors and content categories, and new site technology serves them customized content selections based on the actions they take while exploring the site.

HANDPICKED RELATED CONTENT: Bingeable Content: How to Move Buyers Through Your Sales Cycle Faster

Conclusion

Blogging may have low barriers to entry, but that doesn’t mean it’s an effortless path to content marketing effectiveness. Fortunately, a few small blogging hacks and helpers like the ones above can make a big difference in your brand’s potential for attracting, impacting, and activating your audience more successfully.

Need more ideas on how to create killer blog content? Download our latest collection of amazing brand examples: Get Inspired: 75 (More) Content Marketing Examples

Cover image by Joseph Kalinowski/Content Marketing Institute

The post How to Beat the Battle of an Ineffective Blog appeared first on Content Marketing Institute.

from http://contentmarketinginstitute.com/2017/07/beat-battle-blog/

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