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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

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aita for not wanting the zine I'm in to be explicitly pro-palestine / wibta for therefore not promoting the zine?

the actual problem is a lot more nuanced than that so don't judge just based on that 😭

I'm in a free fandom zine, and we've been working on it since january 2023. it's been a huge labor of love for me (I contributed three pieces!) despite me being less into the fandom recently. our zine is about to be published on social media for ppl to download for free, which is exciting! but the head mod told the group chat that due to the recent conflict with israel/palestine, they wanted to include a message in the promotional post stating that the zine was always intended to be free, and if ppl want to support us they can donate to humanitarian aid for palestine instead.

here's my stance on the israel/palestine conflict: I think it's complicated. obviously I don't support israel's government, but I also don't support things palestine has done. I think both sides are losing a lot of innocent people, and I want to be compassionate to both palestine and innocent israelis/jewish ppl who are experiencing very real grief rn. first of all, I hear abt the conflict so much in real life, I would like to not also have to think about it on my silly fandom app for the one hour I'm on here a day. but on top of that, I don't want to make my social media explicitly support only one side or another, because I think that takes away a lot of nuance from the issue.

anyways, most ppl in the zine chat said that message was a great idea. I personally didn't want to have that message on the main promotion post that I was planning to reblog a lot on my tumblr. so I asked if they could include that message in a separate faq post instead of the main post, and I explained my reasoning (basically that I didn't want to trigger my or other's anxieties about real world conflicts) and one other person agreed with me.

the zine mod said they understood but since it was just a one paragraph message, they wanted to include it anyway. atp I realized nothing I said would change their mind, so I just didn't respond. I get that it's not my zine and they can run it however they want, but it just sucks that now the zine I'm in is being connected to real world stuff that I didn't want to have to connect to my fandom safe space.

anyways, so now the zine is about to come out, and I don't want to reblog the promotional post or advertise it on my blog. when a month passes I'll post my piece (per what the mod has allowed us to do) but I don't plan on promoting the zine anymore. so my question is: was I TA for asking the mod to not include the pro-palestine message in the promo post, and WIBTA for not promoting the zine at all?

reasons I think I'm TA: this is literally not my zine, and I shouldn't be telling the mod what I want the zine to support or not. also it would be shitty of me to just outright not support the zine

reasons I think I'm NTA/NAH: I think my concern is valid, and I can do whatever I want forever

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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stararch4ngelqueen · 7 months

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i saw this couple on the train and his gf fell asleep on him and she just looked at her fondly and took off his jacket to put around her and i damn near burst into fucking tears because what the actual fuck-

ANYWAY

soft!simon reading to reader about something that interests him and she just...falls asleep on him (she could be tired from work or wvr) and he just looks at her like shes the only girl in the world????? please???? i need to heal my heart rn

<3333333

This isn’t proofread, as I risked my sanity typing this out on a long car drive. I hope you like it!

Time written - 5:43 p.m

“That’s a lot of paperwork.” Your comment reaches his ears after he hands you a mug of apple clove tea, cuddled up cozy in a warm gray comforter on the couch.

“It is,” he mutters, carrying with him a thick journal half full of pages he needed to continue. Such as a man like him to bring work home, wanting to keep an eye on you as you fought this seasonal cold.

“That looks like a thousand words.”

“Probably is.”

“What’s it about?” You ask while sipping your hot beverage, tasting orange blossom honey he used to sweeten your beverage.

“Boring stuff, love.” He comments after getting comfortable beside you, clicking his pen in case he needed to use it. “Not worth your time, just drink your tea.”

“Tell me.” You insist without force, resisting the urge to peer over at his blue and black handwriting.

Simon ponders for a good while, mindlessly tapping his pen along thick paper. He figured you’d ask once he brought out this old journal when inspiration struck, but to speak of it? That was a little new.

“It’s a … manuscript,” he decides to call it with the slightest bit of hesitation. “Or a draft. Thought of writing a novel at some point.”

“Really?” Your head meets his, watching him nod slowly.

“Mhm. Mostly short stories. Not ‘bout my life, no. Just … about a boy.”

“A boy?” Your smile permeates through your words, making him sheepishly tilt his head with a nervous grin.

“A boy with a stray dog. They have an adventure in the woods, that sorta stuff.”

“Sounds cute,” you smile, finding the idea of Simon writing a story endearing. Maybe this took his mind off his work stress, our about his own personal struggles in general.

“Can I hear some of it?”

Simon’s lips flatten in thought before he sets the pet down, proceeding to flip through a few pages.

“I’ve never showed anyone this,” he peers at you. “So, don’t laugh.”

“I won’t,” you smile with a mild giddiness whilst getting more comfortable.

Simon proceeds to relay a short paragraph he had written just a couple weeks back. Back when he barely had the time to think much of this journal, but felt the ever so endearing writing urge at a late hour of the night.

He remembers you had gone to bed early that night after cooking him dinner. The snow was dense outside, covering all the piles of withered, colored leaves that had long since fallen from hibernating trees.

“Through brittle cold air and dense fogs resides a canopy made of broken trees; the roof made of crunchy leaves, the steps made of cracked stones. Upon the center of the canopy laid a small puppy, no more than seven or eight months old. It’s fur was slick, her eyes a bright blue. She sat waiting for the boy, proceeding to greet him like an old friend that had left for a long time.”

Simon pauses, realizing his cheeks had grown a bit warm. Clearing his throat a bit, he turns his attention to the next paragraph, purposely avoiding the adoring look in your eyes after reading such a creation.

“The puppy clung to his side like a burr, waddling along with no promise of food. The boy gave nothing in return, other than carrying her in his arms when her legs were too tired to continue.”

“The boy was in search of an old well, said to be in the midst of fir trees in the center of a mushroom circle. Once he finds the well, he’s told to look inside for all his desires to come true.”

“He wandered for hours and hours until he found what he sought; a broken well with dried, dead vines clinging to the rocks. The boy leans over, peering inside to an apparition of a siren staring back in the water’s reflection. She smiles, singing promises of riches and cures to all sickness he knows, for all she requires is for him to reach for her hands fifty feet down below into the cavern.”

“He desired nothing more until the puppy bit into his pant leg, the strength of her tiny, curly body bracing him back from making such a jump. To the boy, who promised not even an ounce of bread to such a minor companion, broke his blindness to the siren’s secret demise.”

“Such a small little thing opened his eyes just in time before the stones cave in, swallowing up the well without its promised child. In return for the pup’s bravery in saving his life, the boy carried her in his arms, promising a warm bed and home cooked meal all the way back home.”

A faint, heavy pressure rests along his shoulder, your slumped head nearly slipping off of his shoulder.

He’s quiet for the longest time, gazing down at the reason he enjoys coming home each day. The sweetest, most heartwarming woman he’s had the pleasure of laying his eyes on.

A chorus of angels erupted from your lungs with every word you spoke, your pretty head full of ideas and phrases that never left his mind running dry with boredom. You were a strong, incredibly beautiful woman, whom sometimes reminded him of a bouncing puppy by his side during your private moments within your own home.

Especially now, snuggled up in his arms, your affected nasals interfering with your breathing just a bit. The cold medicine did it’s job in helping you sleep, so Simon was more than content. Especially as he chose to believe your mind was affected by a cold medicine’s side effect rather than pure boredom.

Softly, he hums as he removes the still warm mug from your hands, readjusting the blanket over your shoulders.

“Told ya so, sweetheart.” He murmurs, running two rugged fingers through your hair before peering outside, frost coating the window pane as pure white snow blankets the earth just outside.

#I miss writing about this man #simon ghost x reader #ghost x y/n #ghost x you #ghost x reader #call of duty #simon riley #simon ghost riley #you’re the dog #cod simon riley #cod modern warfare ii #simon riley x female reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x y/n #simon riley x you

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kamiversee · 9 days

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i'm losing my mind. FTL is for the Gojo girlies fr we're eating GOOD so far.

back in chapter 29 he mentions how he fell in love with our voice first and FTL opens up with the fact that the first thing he noticed about us was our laugh. my fucking heart omfg Kami WHAT.

the amount of references back to chapter 29 is actually insane. Gojo asking her if she even likes parties because he recalls seeing her less and less when he goes to them :(

i'm so curious to see if the mention of Satoru self-projecting is going to be consistent with this sequel. knowing you, it most probably will. omg my heart's gonna hurt i already know it.

the amount of parallels to us and Satoru is crazy. those last two paragraphs really caught my eye when i was rereading. assuming that the "monster" being mentioned is Sukuna, Satoru "never finding out" the reason why Sukuna decided to blackmail him directly relates back to how it felt like we'd never find out the reason why Satoru blackmailed us. omg.

the mention of how we were completely oblivious to how many guys have took an interest/watched us is crazy foreshadowing. the implication of Satoru noticing them and most probably writing them down in his journal, along with the theory of Sukuna somehow getting access to that journal and reading through it, could explain how Sukuna devised that list. AAAAAA KAMIIIIIIIIIII YOU'RE KILLING ME

sorry for the multiple, broken up messages omfg my brain is short circuiting from the anticipation

-☃️

Wanted to condense this message with the other ^.^

ANYWHO, yes yes everything connects very well 🙏 I’m trying my best to answer all plot holes as I go bc god forbid I finish ftl and there’s still unanswered questions (I’ll cry myself to sleep)

Aaand if u read chapter 29 you’ll also notice that the reader implies it was love at first sound instead of sight & now we know that thts almost exactly what it was :)) His curiosity sparked from the laugh & spiraled after that 😉

A lot of references will be made bc I gotta make sure everything makes sense! I want the story to end & everyone understands everything (if not, Im sure you’ll have another breakdown of tfl & ftl put together ^.^)

Oh and if you think Satoru & the reader have parallels, wait til’ you find out who Sukuna parallels to 🌚 (his parallels are a lot more tame tho… I think)

Lastly, the obliviousness was kinda a nod to Gojo’s infatuation in general (im trying not to spoil rn bc we will return to this point soon, trust me) like how he developed a crush & feelings despite never having so much as one convo with the reader!

It’s kind of a lil life lesson too, shows you how in life you’ll never really know if someone’s yearning for you unless they tell you & many people go their entire lives having had crushed on someone without ever telling them ;)

ANYWAY, IM EXCITED. YALL ARE EXCITED. LETSGOOO 🗣️

#kamiversee!answers #k!ans: ☃️#ftl!theories

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ninyard · 2 months

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legally required to send you an ask? what if i pull a neil and lie to the fbi when they come to get me??? genuinely tho, tsc was so fucking good. jeremy and cat and lalia's dynamic has me chewing on walls, but so does the unrequited kevjean (fucked over by another pretty face??? jean teaching him french?????) and reading about the foxes's wins from jean's pov has me screaminf crying etc but I'd really love to hear if you have any theories on Jeremy's family?

Surprise I’m actually the FBI and I’m onto u now

But for real I’ve been going crazy thinking about TSC since I read it. The kevjean dynamic has me losing my mind like I got SHIVERS reading his asking Jean to teach him French. And the way my stomach FLIPPED reading “did you know I’ve never been skiing?” From Jeans POV. Puking vomitting screaming crying throwing up okay

Jeremy’s family. I have NO idea. It’s so vague they’re purely like random shots in the dark as to what it could be but here’s my thoughts as of rn:

1) Jeremy’s family are big investors in USC. It’s why he’s Captain, it’s why he has to show his face at Knox family events, public gatherings and all that, because he’s the proof that the money is worth it for the returns, and he’s the face of USC. They’re counting on his success to bring them more money.

2) Half of his family are homophobic. Maybe it’s just because he’s gay and his Political Old Money family seem to not get along with him very well that I think that, but also him bleaching his hair blond and then being unwelcome at dinners because of it. It seems like image is very important to them, and even if he’s quietly gay, dying his hair could be perceived as a Gay Thing To Do. His sister says to him “you destroyed the family,” what specifically could he have done to tear his family apart? Imagine your family investing (millions maybe) into your team, your sport, and then you put their image in jeopardy for being the out and proud gay kid that creates a negative talking point. He also quickly puts his phone away when he realises his sister is around which feels like a gay kid hiding from his family thing to do.

3) the banquet im at a loss for to be honest. I’ve been trying to rack my brain around what could’ve happened, but what we do know is a) whatever happened at the banquet tore their family apart b) his sister pretends Exy doesn’t exist because of it c) she’s never forgiven him for it. Gay Trauma brain of mine says maybe he took a man as his date and it caused a lot of problems in his home life, maybe they asked him not to and he said fuck you and did it anyway. But would that really destroy his family? The therapist thing too. Fight back against what???

4) there’s obviously some weird relationship problems in his family too. Doesn’t like to be called Knox, says his grandfather is not his grandfather, avoids his brother like the plague. The only person he seems to talk to is the butler. His sister barely regards him as well. He feels like the black sheep but I don’t know why!!! Also at some point it’s mentioned (I’m pretty sure anyway) that he doesn’t seem to be getting much in terms of monetary handouts from his family so he’s potentially having Allison type problems where he’s lost his inheritance or cut out of his grandfathers will or SOMETHING. He feels like the disappointment of his family but I can’t place my finger on why other than the fact that he’s gay. I don’t know. I’m going CRAZY not knowing tho.

Jeremy is fascinating me and it’s infuriating that I don’t know more. I know it’ll make the reveal in TCS2 much sweeter but damn can I pls get a little crumb of his backstory? His trauma? Just a little bit?

Anyways this an incoherent jumbled mess of thoughts about Jeremy but I am SO curious about his family. The banquet especially because it’s pretty intense, or seems to be at least from that little paragraph about it. I would die for you Jeremy Knox just tell me everything first pls!!!!!

#Jeremy!!!!! my boy!!!! my gay boy!!!!!!!!!!#he’s too happy! I have to know why!!!!!#tsc #tsc spoilers #Jeremy Knox

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angelmichelangelo · 9 months

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You can write for the fanfic au about Leo Mikey and Shredder if you want I can reblog the post on my blog about it so you know who I am I went anon free on here once but I sometimes feel a bit anxious about it when it comes to talking compared to reblogs I created the au when I was thinking about how to make a different tmnt series anyway but yeah you can if you want I don't mind because I've been having trouble making the concept work and would love to see others takes on it so yeah it's pretty much free real estate but yeah just let me know and I'll reblog the fanfic au post so you know who I am because it may be weird if you see some of my own posts about the au and I don't want you to think I'm two different people such as the au being stolen or anything like that since I went anon on here so you know I'm the same as that person and that you have my full permission to do it.

hi anon! thank you for trusting me with your au idea! and i totally understand the anxiety surrounding talking to people online - it takes a while to build up trust with people you don’t necessarily know so don’t worry about it. you can stay on anon for as long as you feel comfortable, i don’t have a problem with it at all :)

i started drafting a few warmup paragraphs that i thought i would share with you! i might take a while to ever actually get around to writing and posting because i have a lot of wips i need to finish plus life is kinda kicking me in the butt rn so writing fic is taking a little breather atm but here’s what i got so far! thanks again for sharing your ideas with me! <3

Light bursts through the top of the stairs, startling Mikey awake, he scrambles upwards onto his feet, bowing over even when it sends another shock of pain buzzing through his body, hurried footsteps and a hushed, whispered voice makes him immediately straighten out, all the tension leaving his body at once.

“Easy, Mikey,” comes Leo’s voice emerging from the shadows. “It’s just me.”

Mikey grins, fingers finding the bars of the cage and curling them around them, pressing himself closer to get a better look at his brother.

“Leo. Hey. What’re you doing down here?”

Leo has his satchel slung across his shoulder, reaching in to rummage around it, he brings out something small wrapped in brown paper.

“Risking my shell,” he says dryly. He hands Mikey over the parcel, peeling it open to reveal a few slices of bread. His mouth goes wet almost instantly.

“Thanks,” Mikey says in a rush, already picking bits off to stuff into his mouth. “How’d you know I was down here?”

Leo closes his bag, stepping closer, Mikey can see the worry that crowds his face.

“Well Bradford loves a good brag. Said something about whipping your butt during training. Father also told me not to expect you back in the room tonight so…” his voice trails off. He looks forlorn, wringing his hands together anxiously. “I wish you wouldn’t get yourself into so much trouble all the time, Mikey. It worries me.”

Mikey swallows down the bread. It’s bland and plain but it settles something in his stomach.

“And I wish you would stop calling him Father,” he says, tone icy.

Leo bristles. “Don’t say that.” He says. “He only does this because he cares. He needs us to be safe, Mikey, this is all to keep us safe. You know that.”

Mikey shifts. He looks down at the paper, spotting a few rogue crumbs, he picks at them uselessly.

“It doesn’t feel that way,” he says miserably. “Not when I’m getting my shell waxed by that… bonehead Bradford.”

Leo makes a face. “How hurt are you?” He asks, gesturing for him to turn around so he can have a look.

Mikey does so, pressing himself up against the bars as best he can, he can feel Leo’s hands tenderly inspect his shell.

He tuts and Mikey slowly turns back towards him again.

“A hairline crack,” he tells him disappointedly. “You’re lucky it will heal on its own. Anything more severe and you know they wouldn’t let you out to treat it.”

#feel free to throw more thoughts my way - it’s super appreciated :)#ask #anon #tmnt 2012 #fic stuff

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bloodbluepearl · 1 year

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K what are ur bright fam hc's im starving for content

im so glad u asked heres everything i can think of off rhe top of my head as general bright fam thoughts

So first off i do follow major tom for a good bit of my personal canon/headcanon.. only thing i really changed around was that it wasnt mikell who took TJ away (though he did know it was gonna happen but did nothing anyways so he is still at fault in a way. Great job cowboy) just for reference etc

I personally see them as being pretty damn old- mikell (the oldest) being born in 1919 and claire (the youngest) being born in like.. 1928. Adam and evelyn left pretty early in my mind and mikell landed a job in the foundation’s field agency real young only because of his parents’ affiliation with the Foundation (being either high-ranked personnel or already O5s at that point)

Its here that my mikell lore goes off the damn rails and i add a lot of shit about his field agent days bc he’s my favorite and i never saw anyone talking about it so i went ham. But thats too long 2 put here

Nothing notable happens in this timeline for the whole family so on to more general stuff and slight rambling abt random things i can think of rn

-jack was contained for a few months after he had died and became tied to SCP-963, so the foundation could run tests on him and study him until they decided he was fine to actually work for the foundation as he posed no actual intentional risk to safety and all that jazz

-every bright has adhd, autism, or both

-mikell and jack did and still do bicker a lot. Esp when mikell is picking on jack

-tj has so much rage. he deserves to get violent sign my petition

-claire still loves her brothers despite all of the circumstances and how she knows that theyve done some bad things. she would be lying if she told you that she doesnt

-mikell knows how to play guitar and piano. and can sing well. (i have no reason for this one i just know him)

-mikell also has a big scar across his face from a fight he got into with a chaos insurgent when he was in the field agency. At that point he had made quite a respectable name for himself as a really good agent, so he had been able to get access to SCP-427 to help heal it, which actually also cured him of his asthma

-david was really close to both his parents before mikell had his eyes removed, which added salt to the wounds when he did.

-david is asocial and fairy standoffish and sometimes grumpy (like his dad) which contrasts with claire’s general attempts at optimism (claire is the only one who has willingly gone to therapy for her childhood and healed to any degree.)

Anyways i have more if u have any specific questions about any of them i love.them all so much especially mikell (my interpretation of him is kinda pretty canon divergent in a few ways tho so i might make a multi paragraph post just abt him too

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ofmdee · 2 months

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foof. typing this out on tumblr because it feels easier to collect my thoughts here rather than twitter, lmfao, but MAN my creative well is bone dry rn, i feel like i have zero energy and motivation to work on projects and i just. it's driving me crazy lmfao, and in the back of my mind i know i'm burnt out and need a break, but it's so hard to take a break, because like, i don't have much else going on in my life rn, or ever, like fandom has always been a huge, important part of my life and i don't rly know what to do or who i am if im not obsessed over SOMETHING lmfao. my gf said last night something like, i guess it's hard to take a break when it's related to a hyperfixation/special interest and like!! yeah!! it's rly hard to untangle all of that!

but. idk. i don't feel happy rn with a lot of things irl and online, and i know i need to rest and do nothing and let the well fill up again but that also scares me? so i am just going to try to ease up on myself a little bit, try to go more than a day without feeling compelled to post something new just because i'm afraid ppl will leave or forget me or something if i don't constantly pump out Content. and i know i did this to myself, lmfao, i rly don't know how to do things in moderation and this is a constant cycle of going too hard and then abruptly losing all interest

my gf sent me this last night and even the first paragraph got me!!! like, that's ME!!!

i am in the reluctant admission stage rn lmfao.

i am not going to say i am completely going to stop creating during this time, because that would be a lie, but i am rly going to try and chill tf out, stop worrying about getting fics done in time for mermay, and just kinda try to recharge. and i don't wanna say this is a firm break or whatever because when i inevitably fail at taking a break, i will end up beating up on myself, so im just gonna say i am gonna try to be like...... idk, creative Lite or something for a little bit.

im still gonna be around every day lmfao, but probably for less time than usual. i'm still gonna reblog/retweet things, and i'll probably have some original stuff as well, but i am not gonna keep holding myself to the impossible standard of having something new every day. and i know no one else expects that of me!!! but i have somehow put that expectation on myself. i can use this time to share some old favorites again instead!!

i just started a new game+ in coral island, so ive got that going for me, lmfao, and it's getting nicer outside finally and i rly truly need to touch grass more often!! idk why i always feel like i need a huge explanation for what i do, and it probably wont even be super noticeable to most ppl lol, but!! idk. sometimes i just need to work things out this way.

so, i am releasing myself of the burden of having some fics done for mermay, and posting daily, and feeling like i have to make tangible progress on creative projects on the regular. or, that is my goal, at any rate. i think i'll just focus on gifs/still shots for mermay, my fics will be ready when they are ready 😤 but even if i don't do that much, it's okay!!! mermaids are good any time of the year imho.

i just need to get to a point where i actually Enjoy the process of creating again, because it feels like a chore rn and i hate that :((((

idk, anyway if u read all this thank u, thank u for following me and liking what i do, here is an old gif for ur troubles

#xoxod #under a cut because it got rambly

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charkie-ee · 2 months

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Hi! Hope you don't mind me lurking around these parts, sir. I came to ask you a few questions regarding your experience as a qsmp enjoyer!!

• Who's your favourite streamer that speaks the same language as you?

• Who's your favourite streamer that DOESN'T speak the same language as you?

• What's been your favourite arc so far?

• What language would you like to see next?

• Who do you want to watch more of?

• Who's your favourite family?

• Who's streams do you most watch outside of their QSMP streams?

Anything else you'd like to mention? Doesn't inherently have to be qsmp related.

(These are all from sarcastictissy, Hope you're doing well, Sphatos!!:D)

gkgjfhvkhkhKhkHkHkBk

hi howdy semifontos

you came straight out of the deep-dark-endless void didn’t you? (this ask caught me so off guard AHEM)

anyway!! answering questions time!! yippee! (i never get to do this!! i am so happi!!)

. i have a lot of favorite english speaker streamers but the ones i’m currently watching the most are slimecicle and philza. i’ve been following the both of them for many years and i was super duper excited to see both of them join the qsmp when it first started!! they’re both so silly goofy and they live in my head rent free.

. oooooouuuuuuhhhh. that’s hard. can i give you tops? it’s definitely between cellbit, baghera, etoiles and roier. although i don’t know what they’re saying half of the time, tuning into their streams is always fun! whenever they’re laughing on stream i find myself smiling too! i’ve also been inspired to learn other languages because of them. (i have like 15 languages that im working on in duolingo. don’t ask) they’re also AMAZING at lore. (especially roier. his character is so sad. he is quite literally the therapist who needs therapy.)

. there are so many arcs that have gone on in qsmp(and to be honest i’m having trouble keeping up) but i really like charlie’s whole traumatized dad/code arc so far?? like- i doubt he’ll ever finish it, but i live for little delulu cubitos with dead eggs. ^^

also, no idea if it counts (since it was kind of a saga???) but BOLAS will always have a place in my heart. love them to death (and they died A LOT.)

. i’d really like to see swedish creators next!! i think that would be really cool!! :-D

. this question is questioning fjjfjgjfhfjgjjfjfjg. rn i’ve kind of been taking a break? not really paying attention to the recent lore in qsmp?? idk. the life rollercoaster has been MOVING. there are so many bumps. and it’s been difficult to find the time to catch up. if i were to start watching consistently again, i’d love to watch some of the korean creators that have joined, more foolish, and more tubbo.

. favorite family is probably death family and misclick/dysfunctional family (yk. since i watch those creators the most) but i also really like the family dynamics of the found family of fobo. tubbo and foolish are a dangerously silly pair and i think the name ‘fobo’ says a lot about them

. i definitely watch slimecicle the most. i hardly make to any if his streams, but i am a vod truther. i remember when his 1st wobble dogs vid came out and honestly cant believe its been a year. (also idk if it counts but i’ve been listening to so much jrwi. got the patreon member ship and i listened to 6 episodes of the suckening within 3ish days. help.)

oKay i think that’s all i have to say (sorry for the paragraph)

thank you so much semifontos and sarcastictissy for the questions!! i hope you are both doing well and thanks for checking in on me! :-D

#what do i tag this under #do i even include tags???#what is this????#i am so out of if i apologize #gonna go back to playing kirby the forgotten land now #i am just a brainless waddle-dee. floating through the inescapable void we call life.

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sumbier0 · 11 months

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Just watched Nimona. Im feeling so notmal rn [lying throught gritted teeth]

I quite literally knew NOTHING when I decided that I will watch it.

Got suprised positively and felt so many feelings so many times. This was so enjoyable and just done with care? I have many thoughts but I dont know if I could put them all into comprehensible words. Just. All topics were handled beautifully.

I literally got attached to characters less than 10 minutes in. Help me

Some Spoilers beyond this Point

The villain. BOY THE VILLAIN. I hate her so much she got what she deserved <4 I loved how she was written. She believed eveything she was Fed. She lived in fear that consumed her and she was willing to kill innocents for that. She went so far she didnt even want to consider going out of her bubble. Also she could be classified as a twist villain, although its easy to figure out it's her. Even if its not a twist for audience its a good twist for characters + she gets so much time to shine too.

The ending. I understand how some people I guess could say its anticlimactic because Nimona comes back [we don't see her but Its pretty clear lmao]. Personally for me its not an issue, she went through so much and deserves to be happy too. And see that people like her now :] Although I wouldn't mind more tragic ending either, it just wouldve hit me with more sadness than a lot sadness -> sudden happiness spike

At the start of the film I was so so glad that Ambrosius wasn't the 'priveledged guy thats an asshole to the main character' and instead they were lovers :] But also at that point said 'I hope there wont be any falling out!'. Top 10 sentences said minutes before disaster

Also if you could've seen my reaction to nimona and gloreth stuff. Boy I went absolutely insane.

On the topics handled well. I think how they handled opression was really good. They showed how it affects everyone. Even the opressed themselves, that try to find a place in such society, try to have Faith in the system that fails them[ commoners, Ballister]. How at the earliest stage possible people are already influenced into such mindsets. How some people are so firmly set in those beliefs they wont even consider they're wrong. And also the worst of opression, violence, and how it not only hurt Nimona physically, but also how it scarred her mentally.

Some negative beliefs were reinforced for so long, and spawned different kind of negative beliefs. And opression

And I think throughout the movie, you REALLY get how ingrained negative beliefs are in everyones minds.

Further to me, the change of this whole kingdom for the better didnt happen too quickly. Trying exposing the Director ended with her quickly swaying people to her side again, when she played the monster card.people so quickly also believed that such a commoner as Ballister would kill the Queen, which probably wouldnt happen if it was someone form the Noble bloodline... okay its not related exactly to what I started talking in this paragraph. Fuck, people had to see how for this belief that monsters are terrible, the one in power is willing to kill them, along with the monster. And in this situation the monster saved them.

Like also those are circumstances that absolutely would lead to a change I think. There were probably some people in denial but I doubt for long? Authority of power and beliefs risked their people's lives with ease when it came to actual danger. Although the focus should have been on protecting the people, as it always was said before, in the end it all went into killing 'the bad'.

[Um i hope I put this into comprehsible words and that I got the meaning I wanted in there]

I enjoyed the animation, design and music too! Also this world was really interesting, medieval combined with futurism. Really neat worldbuilding!

And last thing, comedy was great >:]

Anyway I hope you enjoyed my incomrehensible ramblings. Bows

#milk sits and talks #nimona film #nimona #also i could tell you all a site where I wached it if you want?#I wasnt sure if I should include that in the post #anyway watching this completely blind was the BEST experience for me

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astralibrary · 1 year

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another year another silan portrait babey.... a few days late this time but we still ballin'

i've been very into manga cover design lately (studying them, making my own, etc) so it only felt right to incorporate that into this year's portrait, right? and go way overboard designing the entire front, back and spine including a blurb and barcodes and retail/publishing info, right?? and then go all in on making a matching japanese version with its own alternative blurb and barcode area bc u can't have one without the other, right?? obviously!!!!

like i said i've been really into manga design-

thoughts & details belooow

funnily enough this ended up being an actual portrait again after i did away with them in favor of illustrations in recent years, but ig it's fitting since this is the 10th one, right? (more on that later i wrote this out of order-) a callback to the first one all those years ago... the other reason it's a portrait is bc art has been fighting back lately and a full illustration probably would have been a lot; most importantly tho i just thought this composition would make for a cool dramatic manga cover heh heh

anyway bro the impossible happened i fully rendered flowers AND completed the portrait this year hello??? this has never happened since the v first year wait i just checked it happened in 2019 too this has not happened since 2019 wowie!!!! i put my whole ass into those flowers pls observe them (except the tall purple ones don't look too closely at those. look at the pansies they're my fave ♥️)

this year we have morning glories taking center stage, surrounded by pansies, forget-me-nots, some kind of nondescript purple perennial or perhaps lavender, and some kind of pink blossom (idk that one was just a space filler). don't ask abt the random petals on his mouth & collarbone uhh theres some kind of flowering tree growing just offscreen it's possible

anyway the morning glories are significant bc they represent sythra, silan's twin sister; in my mind her colors are blue & yellow and it seemed like such a good fit, so i'm officially adding it to the Flower Lore (there is no flower lore)

there is, however, Twin Lore; silan's eyes are brown and sythra's are blue, but when they're telepathically linked their left eyes exchange color (so silan's becomes blue & vice versa). the flowers here are meant to represent that, like sythra isn't here but at the same time silan carries her with him wherever he goes... smth like that

the plot described in the blurb is like, sort of what happens but i simplified things for the sake of a neat little fake manga blurb. nobody asked me to do this yet here we are. if i were being realistic abt it this would probs be like vol 2 BUT i made it the 10th volume bc this is?? the 10th silan portrait??? i did the first one in 2014?? hello??? time is fake (my hc is that it's a slice of life club manga about flower pressing for the first 9 volumes but it pivots hard in vol 10 bc the author got so sick of drawing flowers no i am not projecting-)

now regarding the japanese version: i tried my best*

*(if u or a loved one know japanese ur not allowed to make fun of me ok orz i used 姉妹 bc theres no way for silan & sythra to know who's the older twin & idk what u would do in that situation like do u just pick one & go w it or is there another hierarchy-neutral word for sister, 姉妹 is the best i can do w my limited knowledge and even then it probably just sounds like silan is having twin girls which like good for him but even so if i sound like a dork keep it to urself ok but actually do tell me if u know bc i would like to Learn ik this is probably the least of my worries when it comes to that entire paragraph but rn we are just going to focus on the issues i know about and pretend that everything else is fine as is ok thank u for ur time & have a lovely day ur a star ⭐️)

misc fun facts aka u learn how unhinged i was abt this:

the title is May 16th bc that's just what silan's story has always been called. luckily i have that up my sleeve or i'd have had to come up w smth out of my ass like The Silan Portrait or some shit

the author and publishing company are both called astralibrary yes that's me (it has a nice ring to it as a manga publisher name don't u think). i made up the logo on the spot it's my best work. especially the one in the bottom right of the japanese bar code area where i just typed the name and put a star next to it bc that makes it look professional somehow

i stole borrowed the barcodes from existing manga i have good pics of (bc i have an entire folder in my gallery dedicated to manga covers & jpn typography, unrelated); the english one is hanako-kun vol 4, and the japanese one is after the rain vol 10. i changed all the numerical codes tho (variations on the date 5/16 repeating)

i made up the english prices but i picked ¥640 specifically bc that's the price of the natsuyuu volumes i have in my manga covers folder, my only possible point of reference,

rated teen even tho in my mind it'd be targeted more towards young adults; it doesn't have anything in it that would warrant a mature rating but it does feel strange to categorize it in this way even knowing these ratings don't necessarily dictate the target audience

i thought about messing around w the design of the japanese version more to reflect some of the design sensibilities i've observed in japanese manga, like different placement of the text on the cover or a different spine entirely (since they tend to differ a lot between jpn and eng versions)- i even thought about trying to design an obi (long strip of paper that wraps all the way around the bottom portion of the book, usually has announcements & promotional stuff on it), but that is a whole ass project for another day i think this'll do just fine for now skdjlfkdg

and there u have it, thank u for reading my yearly essay abt drawing i did! sometimes u need to go aaaaaa about smth u drew and that's ok 👌

---

edit: oh yea i forgor i should write transcriptions of the blurbs here we go

ENGLISH

Alone with his thoughts? Not necessarily...

Silan has finally discovered the source of the mysterious voice in his head- the long lost twin sister he never knew he had...?! She calls herself Sythra and she has a serious grudge against him- but they need each other in order to uncover the hidden truths about their past.

Why didn't they know about each other? How were they separated? Why can they hear each other's thoughts?

And... What else don't they know?

JAPANESE

双子の姉妹がいる⁉︎

サイランは頭の中の声の衝撃的な正体を知るーーどうやら双子の姉妹がいるらしい⁉︎しかも、なぜか嫌われているようで…頑張れ、サイラン！

どういうわけか、この二人は謎に満ちた過去の答えを一緒に見つけるでしょう。

なぜお互いのことを知らなかったのか？どのようにして離れ離れになったのか？なぜお互いの考えを聞くことができるのか？そして…他に知らないことは…？

待望の第10巻がついに登場！

INTENDED TRANSLATION:

I have a twin sister?!

Silan learns the shocking identity of the voice inside his head- apparently he has a twin sister?! And what's more, for some reason she seems to hate him... Hang in there, Silan!

Somehow, these two will find the answers to their mysterious past together.

Why didn't they know about each other? How did they get separated? Why can they hear each other's thoughts?And...what else do they not know...?

The long-awaited 10th volume is finally here!

#body horror #eye horror #rieley draws #digital #original #fake manga #ocs #silan portrait #silan scott #may 16th #i'd been binge reading nozaki kun before working on this #and all i could think while doing the flowers was god i wish mikoshiba was here to draw these for me kgjlsdksldkj #i know he doesn't do color but even just sketching them out would be enough o)-<#spent the whole time trying to channel his power.... king uses reference so at least i'm on the right track #(also idk why tunglr is inexplicably washing out the color slightly on the first image but it is annoying that's for sure!#completely inconsequential for viewers but utterly fatal to the artist OTL)

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anti-dazai-blog · 2 years

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I see you're interested in Dazai's treatment of Chuuya rn, but if you don't mind me ranting a bit about Akutagawa feel free to respond. First of all Akutagawa despite his edginess always felt like a really good character to me. During my first watch I didn't try to analyze the characters much, and the tone of the anime made me ignore a lot of the shit Dazai's done. But on my second watch (dw only watched it twice, second time in preparation for watching dead apple I'm not too obsessed haha) it started feeling wrong. I find Akutagawa relatable and he's an important character to me, and Dazai toying with him and his need for approval by giving the approval he wanted to Atsushi was almost uncomfortable to watch. If I had my own attempts to get approval from a person I admired shut down like this I'd crumble and die on the spot, not even being dramatic. The fact no one seems to talk about how he's essentially fueling Akutagawa's hate for Atsushi, which puts Atsushi in danger??? He doesn't care about Atsushi at all, regardless of what the fandom says (and shipping them gives me killing stalking vibes atp. The power imbalance is terrifying). I used to tolerate Dazai as a character but now he makes me angry. He's abusive as fuck both to Akutagawa and Atsushi, yet people mostly recognize his abuse towards Akutagawa.

Not to mention Akutagawa already somewhat freed himself from Dazai's influence (since he left port mafia). In a way he was probably healing just for Dazai to show up and flex that he got a new toy (person to abuse and feed his ego). When Akutagawa was forced to work with Atsushi (s2) and he didn't attempt to sacrifice everything to murder him... that was some serious character development. It showed him as a person healing from trauma and trying to become someone more than just Dazai's victim, forever manipulated to act in a way Dazai planned beforehand (somehow). And despite all this growth Dazai was still an asshole to him.

Oh and just a sidenote his constant half assed suicide attempts feel like a slap in the face to me, someone who attempted more than once. His bandages all over the body feel disrespectful as well. I'm certain there's no way he has so many injuries that need to be bandaged over at the same time. Hell, most wounds would require him to take the bandage off eventually for better healing. The fact he doesn't do it to me implies he doesn't have any injuries under the bandages at all.

I think I wouldn't hate Dazai this much if he wasn't so beloved in the fandom. I don't mind toxic/abusive characters, a well writen one is a delight to include in fanfics and whatnot. But the way his actions are excused and he's seen as sweet and caring (sadly stumbled upon dazai bf imagines) is infuriating.

Hope my rant is not too chaotic. I just saw some more bad headcanons in the tag and had to talk abt it. lol anyway sorry. Have a good day/night ♡

Anon, when I got your asks I saw it was really long, so I pulled out a few index cards to take notes on it. And now that I have, and my thoughts are decently organized, I’ll answer.

First off— feel free to send asks about any character at any time!! My current interest in Chuuya is only because the upcoming chapters are his first manga appearance, and I haven’t written about him in this series yet. Because of the fandom’s love for him (or rather, in this context it would be their love for soukoku [the ship]), I wanted to put a disclaimer about my personal stance and belief in Chuuya’s lack of guilt in any Dazai-related situation.

Moving on to your ask-

You make a lot of really good points here. I’ll write my response in bullet point format, divided by the paragraphs of your ask.

Paragraph 1’s points-

yeah, the tone of the anime really pushes the viewer’s mind away from just how horrific Dazai’s actions are. It’s like those old sitcoms with laugh tracks— when people on YouTube finally get around to editing the laugh track out, it turns out that every joke is bad at best, and blatantly racist at worst. Except with bsd, instead of there being a bunch of bad jokes, it’s just a fun little two hour compilation of abuse, that’s supposed to be funny because the silly bandage man is doing it. I guess the bsd equivalent of editing out the laugh track would be replacing Dazai with someone who isn’t conventionally attractive.

I agree completely— nearly everything Dazai does is uncomfortable to watch. Not because it’s awful, but because it’s played off as a joke. Awful things happen in media (and in real life) all the time, but what turns it from awful to horrifying is when the witnesses of it (in this case, the audience) laughs along with the abuser instead of sympathizing with the victim.

And to add on to what you’re saying— Dazai always sees people’s wants and needs, deepest desires, hopes, regrets, insecurities etc… and uses that knowledge to toy with people. It’s his favorite passtime. He doesn’t have a hobby. This is the one and only thing he does in his free time.

Anon, I’m actively writing my analysis of Chapter 9 (which is 100% Akutagawa-centric, because he’s the only one to interact with Dazai in that chapter). And you just covered half the points I’m gonna make. He really is just fueling Akutagawa’s hatred of Atsushi in that scene, and the first thing Akutagawa does after leaving the dungeon is stab Atsushi straight through the chest. And remember, he’s supposed to be capturing the weretiger ALIVE. But Dazai had to intentionally make Akutagawa’s grievances with Atsushi a personal matter, rather than a professional one like it was prior to now.

Also, I’m very very proud of you for outright calling Dazai abusive, because you’re right and you should say it, and I don’t say it often enough.

And yes, Dazai has absolutely no regard for Atsushi (or anyone else’s) safety. I think he would try to avoid allowing agency members to get killed, but other than that he really doesn’t care what happens to them.

Now onto paragraph 2 of your (very long but very great) ask-

I’ve always been curious about what Akutagawa was like in the time between Dazai leaving the mafia and Dazai resurfacing. I do have a slight headcanon that he healed a lot in that time, and made a lot of personal progress that was all undone when Dazai showed up again. Tbh I’d like to read a Light Novel on this topic— I’d love for Asagiri to show us how Akutagawa’s life looked a month before Dazai reappeared.

As you point out, it’s definitely progress on Akutagawa’s part when he didn’t instinctively attack Atsushi in s2. But nonetheless, this is also a part of Dazai’s plan. If he attacks Atsushi, it’s a part of Dazai’s “set up a rivalry” plan. If he doesn’t, it’s a part of Dazai’s “and then the rivals work together” plan. Either way, no matter what he does, Dazai will go to sleep that night patting himself on the back for accomplishing exactly what he hoped to accomplish. Either way, it’s a lose-lose for Akutagawa, because no matter what he does he’ll be playing into Dazai’s hand. Unless, of course, he ditches Atsushi entirely.

Paragraph 3-

YES YES I’M SO GLAD SOMEONE SAID IT!! I love you anon. Listen. Ok. Listen- I personally have never had to deal with depression and/or thoughts of suicide, so I felt like commenting on this topic would be inappropriate/ out of line for me. But I’ve had many friends who have tried to commit suicide. One of my close friends was in the hospital for almost a year from an attempt. And watching bsd make a joke of it felt.. wrong. But then I look around the fandom and see so many people using Dazai as a coping mechanism of sorts— I get it, he’s a character who many people find easy to like, and it can be nearly comforting in a way, for some people, to screenshot images of Dazai being Dazai and adding a caption of “he’s just like me fr!!” I know well that for people who are actually struggling with suicidal thoughts, it’s easier to find a character you relate to and work out stuff through that character than to have to self-analyze and self-reflect on uncomfortable topics. And I’d much rather have my friends tell my how much they’re “just like Dazai fr!!” than to have to hear all about how badly they wanna jump onto the tracks every time we’re waiting for a train. AND YET. As much as I understand the value of Dazai to many people. It’s not worth it. What’s the point of temporary comfort in a fictional character that’ll only perpetuate your thoughts and echo them back to you. If you wanna die, it’s not going to help that your favorite character does too. Maybe you’ll laugh about it before your death. Maybe your last words will be “he’s just like me fr!!”. And then what. Did it help you? Did it really help you to have someone fictional you relate to? No, it didn’t. Suicide’s not a joke. Silly bandage man should take off his silly bandages and stop making suicide a character gimmick.

Final point- fandoms are always ready to forgive their poor little meow meows. And Dazai is a lot of people’s poor little meow meow. So yeah, no matter what he does it’ll be forgiven.

And that’s that! Excellent ask, anon!! It’s very well-phrased. I like it.

#Anti dazai asks #Anon I love this it’s great #A lot of the points here will be repeated in my analysis of chapter 9 #You’re very right about everything #Bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #dazai #akutagawa

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blood-injections · 9 months

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hiii!! first of all, i think your background image (right word?)is super dope and also, for the ask game, 7, 20 and 55 if you don't mind!!

Hii!!! Background image/header yeah, thank youu its some of my art :) and thanks for the ask too <3

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

I only ever write in third person, so theres no specific pov a lot of the time except for when the thoughts/feelings of like only one character are stated or like I'll put them first in paragraphs if that makes sense? So they're like the focus. Anyway in that case which is usually the case which i guess. Is pov. I think i just described pov. Idk when i think of pov i think of writing of a charater from first person which i never do. Anyway in those cases . Whats it called. Not third person omniscient which i guess would be knowing the inner thoughts of all the characters. Hang on let me google it. Oh third person subjective/limited thats it. Sorry i haven't been in an english class in a while lmao. ANYWAY the pov is generally whichever character I'm projecting onto most for that story 💀 which lately has been a lot of kobra kid and fun ghoul because they're my favorite little voodoo puppets to put through hell

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc

Oh for sure, especially right now because i dont have wifi where I'm living so i cant look up synonyms for stuff or alternate phrases like I'm used to when i feel somethings repeating too much, so some of the patterns i usually try to cut out might be more prevalent in the next few things i post if i dont bother going through them in a cafe somewhere lol. Lots of things are on purpose though like uhh themes angst specifically, someone dying or being presumed dead or getting captured or leaving and being found or coming back etc. Tearful reunions in 90% of my stuff. Theres like fifteen of those in my drafts rn ranging from one shots to like 20+ chapter things ive yet to start posting. they're just so fun to write, sue me.

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers' reactions to certain ones?

Kobra Kid and Fun Ghoul are my favorites to write for sure, at least rn, closely followed followed by the girl and Cherri then not as closely followed by Pony then Poison I'd say. I wouldn't say these favorites have been swayed by anyones reactions, theyre just who i relate the most to/project on the most and find easiest/most fun to write. These'll swap around sometimes i guess too depending on who im hyperfixating the most on, like rn show pony might be higher actually bc of something i just started, and a couple weeks ago Korse was up there bc i was experimenting with their character

#asks #ttlotfk #danger days #the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #corvidscrap

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crabmaiden · 1 year

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6, 20, and 24!

6. A song that makes you want to dance

damn i said the cha cha slide last time. the macarena?/j uuuhhh. tbh you can insert (almost) anything by michael jackson, his music just has that effect!

20. A song that has many meanings to you

can’t feel my face by the weeknd is the only thing coming to mind rn, i bet zora’s gonna have a field day from me mentioning their favorite artist/lh

24. A song by a band you wish were still together

my chemical romance would be such an easy answer for this if only there wasn’t the reunion concerts in recent years </3 when i looked up "bands that broke up" a lot of them were classic rock bands from the 70s and 80s which i doubt would ever get back together any time soon. wow this paragraph just turned into me blabbering anyways i’m blanking so badly i will just say bullet with butterfly wings by the smashing pumpkins i have no clue if they ever officially got back together or not i do not follow them like that i just like a few songs.

[ ask game ]

#✏️💭#☆ mutual

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smaradog · 1 year

Text

time for an introduction

hello! im smaradog but you can call me smara or mar for short, i have a weird sense of humor that feels edgy but i dont do jokes that are at anyones expense, or say weird things, since its not really something thats part of me at all, making others feel bad and/or uncomfortable is against all i stand for, at the same time my humor can kinda be silly/catgirlesque for lack of better description?? (??? ihave no idea what im saying) and kinda fecalfunny style humor overall.

dni if youre a bigot or a terf or some stupid shit like that

anyways im a neurodivergent asexual trans girl (she/her, it/its fae/faer, sli/slime pronouns please!) who speaks spanish and stuff idunno!! (i am not from spain dont pile me on with them IHATE SPAIN!!!! /j)

so yeah i draw a lot of lesbians and whatever else comes to mind

[art tag!]

i WILL start talking about something im working on or something i like for WHOLE PARAGRAPHS so be WARNED!! and heres some insane things i do!

the insane things i do in question:

art (digital and traditional)

pixel art

sound design

3d modeling (learning the basics)

music (regular music and chiptunes, and whatever weird experimental thing i can make also it kinda sucks but shh)

storyboards

modding/romhacking games

kind of a jack of all trades really! so yeah thats basically it! have a list of me dumping like a million interests i have

music: the strokes, arctic monkeys, gorillaz, daft punk, indigo quest, red vox, muse, crx, albert hammond jr., royal blood, enjambre, bandalos chinos, comisario pantera, lemon demon, tally hall, the voidz, fish in a birdcage, nelward

chiptune (counting psg chips, fm chips, low quality samplers, etc.) [fade, tim follin, jeroen tel, squarewave, shoob2000, 4mat, rushjet1]

animated shows:

the owl house

amphibia

ena

one piece (at enies lobby arc rn)

yu yu hakusho

jojos bizarre adventure (i cant deny it even if i dont talk about it, stopped at part 5)

one punch man (kinda, dont remember a lot)

adventure time (havent kept up since grass sword episodes)

ok ko (literally dont remember what the last thing that happened was)

regular show (stopped keeping up at some point) showing interest in: gravity falls, infinity train, hunter x hunter and mob psycho

films:

literally any spiderman movie from anything 2002 - now (i know theres older obscure ones)

(cant think of anything else whoops)

games:

terraria

halo (anything pre 343 sorry)

castlevania series

bloodstained

undertale/deltarune

omori (kinda lost interest)

doom (classic series, havent played 2016 and eternal)

half life series

sonic series

mega man series (classic)

minecraft (kind of? i'd rather play beta 1.7.3, but especially a fan of better than adventure)

celeste (havent finished, one of the few insane people that didnt use assist mode at the hotel chapter)

umjammer lammy

parappa series

castle crashers & battleblock theater

serious sam series

splatoon series (havent played splatoon 3)

dont starve together (i dont play often and im not super familiar with the lore) night in the woods (looks nice but. didnt finish at ALL)

portal series (i 100%ed the first game)

streamers:

vargskelethor joel (probably on top along with jerma)

vinesauce vinny

jerma985

grayfruit (i watch sometimes)

simpleflips (i watch very rarely)

i also like a few webcomics but honestly i dont remember at the time of making somehow, you can ask me about one of them though! (its not homestuck i swear /gen)

i ALSO also have super weird interests over niche little 80s - 2000s technology and stuff

due to personal reasons, i have 3 things i dont wanna hear about, but im not gonna mention them on this post.

if you made it this far reading you are insane honestly but shoutouts to you

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why-hello-othello · 2 years

Text

Okay self indulgent personal post about everything going on in my life rn because I literally have no one irl to talk to about this. Advice is welcome

———————-

Okay so I’m American and my bf is British. We met while I was studying in England and now that I’m on break for the summer I had to go back home so we’re doing long distance for now. I will be back in England at the end of the year though. So anyway my bf is someone who needs a lot of alone time and I really don’t like I’m fine either going out or staying in. Anyway things were going great for us, he’s my first bf and I’m his first gf so we had that special connection. He had a lot of personal stuff going on in his life very early in our relationship and I was by his side through all of it and helped him a lot during that time. Which I considered myself lucky to be able to do because I love him a lot and I want to support him through thick and thin.

Well now that we’re long distance everything has changed. He was alright the first couple of weeks but in the past week or so he’s done a complete 180 to the point where I don’t even recognize him. My bf is someone who is often overlooked by his friends and never treated as a first choice, and he’s told me that I’ve helped him realize his worth. But recently he’s been treating me the exact same way that his friends treated him which always used to be so hurtful to him. I’m going through a very hard time in my life rn, a lot of family issues plus my mental health is so bad i go to bed every night praying I won’t wake up in the morning. And I was looking to him for some support for this and he says he cares but he doesn’t do anything to show it, that’s for sure. So I’m left feeling completely alone plus I am trying to save this relationship and support his needs.

I texted him and told him how I felt and he just leaves me on read the whole day and if I type a paragraph to him he will barely acknowledge anything I said. He says he’s feeling confused and burnt out and I get that but like that’s really not an excuse to treat me the way he has been. I see him up all night talking to his friends on discord but he barely sets aside any time to talk to me. Which clearly he could make more time for me if I was a priority to him. But I’m not.

He says that he doesn’t miss me nearly as much as he thought he would which obviously hurt me a lot. Last weekend he told me not to text him as much because he was exhausted but he said not to worry because he didn’t want to break up. But then like literally a couple days later he said he’s thinking of breaking up with me but he can’t make up his mind. Now from my perspective this would absolutely destroy me because I can’t deal with a devastating breakup when I’m in such a fragile mental state. He says he just doesn’t have the time to focus on being in a relationship when he has a lot of other things in his life, but I’m so confused because literally nothing in his life has changed since I left. And when I was still there he could do everything else and still prioritize me.

Idk I’m just feeling like he used me to cure his loneliness for a while and now that he decided he doesn’t need me anymore he’s just throwing me away like trash. He said if we do break up he still wants to be close to me but I told him that’s not gonna happen from my end. To me it just seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I’ve been putting all my feelings aside to accommodate his needs and even that’s not good enough for him. When we talk it’s clear he’d rather be doing anything else. We called tonight and he just seemed like I was forcing him to do it, you could just tell he didn’t want to be there. Then he literally just said bye and hung up on me out of the blue which was really rude honestly and then he got mad that I was upset by that. Anyway I would never treat him the way he’s been treating me and I want to save this relationship so desperately but idk if it’s even worth fighting anymore or if I should just stop putting in the effort and let the inevitable happen.

#personal

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