#as a sort of 'popular' blog this is one of my only solaces

[tothechaos]

glad that im not popular enough to have an evil shadow version of my blog that exists just to make contradictions on my posts

#.text #as a sort of 'popular' blog this is one of my only solaces #1k #5k #10k #25k #50k #100k #200k

[meggie-moo]

Why this thought still occupies my mind, what other hs fanfictions you'd recommend? You proved to have a very good taste

OKAY IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG, but i wanted to make sure it was good!! :D and i had my thoughts sorted lol!! i would definitely recommend looking through the tws of each fic as well! :) but here it is >:)

(i mainly read for rosemary and davekat, but i throw in some other fun ones as well 🕺 i’m also new to homestuck, so i haven’t read that many yet. so most of these are the incredibly popular ones. which are very much popular for a reason!)

davekat:

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure by Wertiyurae (finished)

synopsis: h retelling of the romcom, “how to lose a guy in ten days” karkat has to write an article about how to lose a guy in ten days, and dave has a bet that he can find a guy to take to his sisters wedding. very silly :)

thoughts: there’s so many moments where i was cringing SO HARD. but it’s such a fun time, especially if you like cheesy romcom retellings. like karkat trying desperately to lose dave is so funny 😭 (you will see later that i am a big fan of cheesy romcom stories, so i’m sorry LOL).

Nothingbound by bluberi (unfinished)

synopsis: a retelling of the romcom, “you’ve got mail” karkat is a local bookstore owner, and dave’s brother is a chain bookstore owner, and is moving in across the street. the only solace karkat seems to find is in his online friend, who is actually his enemy all along. angst ensues, drama, enemies to lovers, slowburn etc etc. :D

thoughts: speaking of romcom retellings… this one is unfinished, but the chapters there are so much fun. i adore the art that goes along with it. and just how silly, and angsty it can be. the dave and karkat are SPOT ON. and same with all the other characters. i especially enjoy rosemary, and the ones who work at karkats book store :)

Doc Scratch's School for Supernaturally Gifted Adolescents by medical (finished)

synopsis: humanstuck superhero au. dave and his friends get a mysterious letter to attend a supernatural school.

thoughts: literally in my top three favorite homestuck fics of all time. this is so much more than just a davekat fic, like it’s a *whole* story. there’s also incredibly prominent rosemary, like they are not just shoved to the back. again it’s so thought out, and incredibly tropey. and all the characters are handled so well. it’s so incredibly fanfiction, but in the way where you can’t stop reading it. it’s popular for a reason, and very much deserves that popularity. i’m currently making my friend buddy read this with me <3

A Discussion On The Meteor (finished) (mspfa)

synopsis: short mspa story discussing karkats sexuality. i wanted to throw in a visual one for fun :)

thoughts: very sweet!!

Giving a Sweet Wretched Flying Fuck by strawberrystardust (oneshot)

synopsis: dave and karkat mix some sick beats on the meteor 🕺

thoughts: SO SO CUTE. i will recommend you try literally any fic by strawberrystardust, they are all incredibly, and they are such an amazing writer. please look into the tws for their other fics, but i literally cannot recommend them enough :)

rosemary:

YEAHHH, new couple time 🕺

Love Letters in Digital Ink by tactfulGnostalgic (finished)

synopsis: rose owns a popular occult blog, kanaya is a fan. kanayas family moves in next store, and rose posts about her.

thoughts:

TOP THREE HOMESTUCK FICS AGAIN. this one is SO SILLY, it captures everything about rosemary perfectly. the cringe fail of it all, the rose thinking she’s a therapist but instead just over sharing her family’s issues online. it’s so funny, and well written. and i say this as someone who HATES first person pov in fics. it is done incredibly well. like, this author manages to pull it all off. rose’s blog post are so funny, and it will have you smiling like a fool the whole time. this and doc scratch school, and house of dirk are definitely like fics id want you to read the most out of this list!! :)

Kiss Her You Fool by Paech (oneshot)

synopsis: rose tries to get kanaya to kiss her

thoughts: incredibly cute, i love them so so much. rose lalonde will forever be a mess, and i love that for her <3

courses of action, best and otherwise by MisPronounce_and_MisAccent (oneshot)

synopsis: rose is convinced she’s in a war with dave, of which one is “gayer” to win she fakes dates kanaya.

thoughts: ajdhajhshej, this one is so 😭😭 like vrisrezi is also there and they are all failing, they are all a mess. the synopsis makes it sound more serious, but they are in meteorstuck, and it’s just very very funny LOL

miscellaneous

this is for fics/other fanworks, that are either 1. a couple i haven’t read enough for them to have their own category, 2. stories focused around non-romance!!

if you’re looking into getting into some mspfas, i’d recommend these :) (though i haven’t finished them myself lol!!)

Act 8 (unfinished i’m pretty sure) (mspfa)

synopsis: basically a, “what if” different ending to homestuck. what if, instead of winning, they let their alpha selves win, and they had to stay in paradox space for the time loop? etc

thoughts: i have not finished it, but it’s honestly so well put together. it really gets you feeling bad for characters, like gamzee?? poor little guy etc. the art is amazing, and it really does just feel like a continuation of homestuck!!!

Karkat Goes to a Convention (unfinished?) (mspfa)

synopsis: just like the title says, LOL.

thoughts: i’m not sure if this story is really my jam, that being said, it’s put together WONDERFULLY. like it’s incredibly popular for a reason. you can tell so much work went into it, and just a really big love for homestuck and it’s community. while also being really creative :) (i also haven’t finished this one either, so maybe my thoughts could change!)

House of Dirk by imarriedacherub (unfinished) (visual!)

synopsis: sitcom of dirk and caliborns life as a married couple. and their son/son in law is coming over for dinner. shenanigans ensue

thoughts: OKAY, so i know this is the fic that prompted the ask, lol! which means i’ve already recommended it. but i decided to add it so i could post my thoughts! :D i did not have any feelings towards dirkuu when i first read this, but now whenever i see anything dirkuu i’m like, “omg…the sitcom couple…” ITS JUST SUCH A GOOD FIC. i keep overusing the word incredible in this post, but i will use it again. because this fic really is just *that good*. i made my friend voice act it out with me on call once, and it was very fun LOL. this is my final top 3 in my top three homestuck fics 🕺 again really popular, but popular for a reason. just so much thought went into it, and the execution was perfect.

Trying Something New by strawberrystardust (oneshot) (jaderezi)

synopsis: terezi and jade go on a picnic date! :)

thoughts: have i ever thought about shipping terezi, and jade before? admittedly, no. is this fic absolutely adorable?? yes, very much so!!! literally they both deserve the world, and it’s so cute to seem them interact with each other. again just a very very sweet fic :)

homestuck v2 (mspfa) (ongoing!)

synopsis: different new generation kids!! davekat fanchild comes in and messes up timelines.

thoughts: the art is so good!! i’m really looking forward to where the story goes, and i love the designs. davekat having a child named, “mary-su” is hilarious as it is genius. also babe coelho seems so beloved!!!

—————

i’m sorry this was so long!!! and maybe a tad bit ramble-ly, lol!!! but i hope you enjoy these, because imo they are all very good and fun (i mean i did recommend them, it would be funny if i didn’t think that LOL), like people are so talented and skilled. it’s honestly amazing. everyone who makes fanworks are truly outstanding :) thank you so much for the ask, and again i’m sorry it took so long to answer, but i wanted to be thorough >:)

#meg’s incoherent thoughts #🐌 🐈 #homestuck #davekat #rosemary #jaderezi #long post #fic rec

[torturedtraveler]

normal people

I would like to start this with a blog post I saw and really liked the other day.

“Normal people is about vulnerability and the importance of intimacy. It explores miscommunication and the power unsaid words have on people. Such a deeply emotional, sensitive, gentle and beautifully written and directed story about two young adults - who find such enormous solace in one another, that cannot be found within anyone else they meet throughout their lives. Connell and Marianne are two twin flames who fall in and out each other lives, mostly because of their lack of clearness and transparency which feels frustrating and even overwhelming at times. What often happens is that Connell and Marianne overthink almost everything, but don’t express their thoughts because they think they have the other person’s thoughts already figured out. But thinking is not the same as communicating. They get so caught up in their assumptions and thoughts that completely forget to do the simplest thing, which is - to ask. Although they have a lot of misunderstandings the love they feel for each other is terrifyingly unmatched. All throughout this novel it becomes clear that the two characters have a really unique and special spark, they and their relationship is complex, but between them exists a certain normalcy that cannot be understood by others. Connell and Marianne constantly try out things that make them feel weird or normal, but towards the conclusion of the novel it appears that they have accepted that their favorite version of normal is the version that exists within their relationship, when they’re with each other. This story explores perfectly but in a very realistic way, the importance of growing up and finding love within ourselves and the people around us. Normal People shows us how societal expectations and insecurities can affect us and our relationships forever.” @iwishyouroses

Very short paragraph yet sums up the novel so well. It gave me a sort of framework on understanding the novel better.

The major theme of the story is self discovery, is growing up, is changing, as a person and in life. One of the major thing that they focus on is the parallel between high school them and university them. The author created a stark contrast between the characters by creating a parallel between them in two different time periods. In high school, Connell was majorly popular while Marianne was widely hated. Connell constantly had a group of friends around him and Marianne did not. She was a loner, hated not only by her peers but also her family. But everything completely flipped in university. Marianne “got into college and got pretty”, she has a group of friends around her all the time and everyone found her so likable. Connell on the other hand, did not have many friends, he felt as though he had no one to talk to and constantly felt very lonely.

Despite everything, they have always been around one another. They always have each other. It seems as though they cannot stay away from each other and show up in each other’s lives no matter what. But throughout the story, even though they were extremely intimate with each other, and really only enjoyed each other’s companies, it feels as though they are not that close to each other. The major issue that exists between the both of them is the lack of communication. It shocks me how throughout their years together, the miscommunication has not frustrated them so much that they feel the need to kill each other, because I most certainly have, wanted to strangle the both of them.

We see so much of their individual thought processes throughout the story, but they have never communicated that to each other. It often feels as though we are the Gods, looking into their lives constantly, being able to understand what they were thinking, but somehow the two of them who are in each other’s lives do not know what the other is thinking. It’s so fucking frustrating.

My take on the reason behind their miscommunication, is the insecurity that is rooted in the both of them. They live in their heads most of the time and overthink everything.

Marianne’s insecurity is reflected in her crave for love and affection from Connell. Connell at one point in her life was the only person that could “stand” her and “love” her, she wants to please him and would do whatever she could to make him happy. My interpretation is that, she is so scared of Connell leaving her, literally so fucking terrified to the point where she would do anything in desperation to make him stay. She has on multiple occasions asked Connell to act violently towards her during intimate scenes, to which Connell refused. Even in other romantic relationships she was involved in, she wanted her partner to hit her during intimate scenes. It’s like giving others a sense of control over her body or a sense of dominancy makes Marianne feels safe, that they won’t leave her. It may be her coping mechanism for her deep rooted insecurity.

Connell has never connected deeply with anyone in his life. Even in high school, when he was surrounded by people, by friends, he never felt like he could talk to anyone. Until he started interacting with Marianne. Marianne became his dock, the person he could always go to whenever he wants, he knew she would always be waiting for him in the same place. But he was scared, he was scared that if people knew about them it would ruin his reputation. He asked Marianne to keep it a secret from the start, and Marianne obeyed, seeing that he was the only person that would actually talk to her. He was so scared of how people would see him and what people would talk about him. He felt safe with Marianne, safe as in he knew that no matter what he does, she wouldn’t leave, so even if he knew that he was hurting her feelings, he kept on doing it. When his friends told him that everyone knew he was romantically involved with her, he was shocked, but also surprised that no one called him out or treated him differently. It was then that he realized, no one really gives a shit about what he does. He felt especially lonely in college after the fallout with Marianne, because he is no longer in a familiar place with familiar people, and there is no pristine reputation to keep up, because no one knew who he was. Even though in college they reconciled, and Marianne was involved in his life again, his mental health kept deteriorating. His entire life he never had a clear sense of who he is, an identity, a mental image. He is confused with himself, this confusion only intensified in college, when he was away from his friends in high school, his mom in Sligo, everything that was familiar in his life away from him. He not only felt confused with himself, or lonely, he felt like he didn’t fit in with people, in his course or in college in general, all these factors piled on his mental burden and he couldn’t take it anymore, he went to a counselor, and was later diagnosed with depression.

The most beautiful and precious thing about this story is the “salvation” between them. How they both were in a way each other’s “anchor”, each other’s “light”, each other’s “safe place”, away from the messes that were Marianne’s family and her relationships, and Connell’s mental health. I would like to point out a view of mine, is that nobody should be anyone’s salvation in life, because depending on someone else to heal your trauma or wounds does not work and often leads to disasters. When I say that they are each other’s “salvation”, I mean that they make each other feel better, and that they somehow always end up with each other when they are at their lowest. For example, Connell was there when Marianne ended things horribly with Jamie, or near the end, when her brother broke her nose, and the first person Marianne could think of was Connell, and he came to her “rescue”. Or when Connell felt depressed and Marianne would be the only one there for him.

To end this, I would like to add one more point to the blog post I started this with, that there’s always a certain person in our lives that would change our lives forever. In this case, Marianne was the one in Connell’s life and Connell was the one in Marianne’s life. Though this person may not stay in our lives forever, they will leave a mark in our lives permanently and we will always think back to them at moments of our lives, how great they made us feel, how they broke our hearts at one point, or just reminiscing the times we spent together. We went through so many ups and downs with them, we flipped our hearts inside out and showed them our most vulnerable side, and most importantly, we loved them with every inch of our hearts. But as we grow up, we realize, some people just aren’t meant to stay in our lives. And we learn not only to let go of them, but ourselves as well because it’s only then that we can truly move on.

#normal people #marianne sheridan #connell waldron #connell x marianne

[spellbooking]

Hey there. This is a rather private message, but I was also bullied and trashtalked publicly by one of the big BG3 blogs on here.

I was a fairly small blog (and an artist, too) so I didn't really stand a chance. It was out of my control. I reached out to people to get help but many of them eventually left me. What I'm saying is, I understand what you're going through—or at least know how it feels. People seem to blindly believe popular blogs on Tumblr, and said blogs sometimes abuse their influence and popularity by making all sorts of claims to put them in the spotlight, thinking, they know the person behind the screen even though they don't.

Back then I had to take a break from Tumblr, but I hope you won't let it get you down. Turn to your friends. The BG3 community is quite toxic. Fandom drama is always shitty, unnecessary, stressful and unfair. Take care and keep balance x

Hi anon!

Surprisingly you’re the first person to like really bring it up and tbh I’m glad bc I’ve just been ignoring it and continuing to do my own thing. I kind of just let it happen and just stuck to myself because like… this is tumblr. Im not gonna really expand on it or really discuss it because i gave it my energy for a day and moved on. That’s what i tell my clients (at least the ones I practice with a supervisor) and that’s what i do for myself. but thank you for your kind words.

Yeah it sucked for like the first 12 hours then i kind of got over it. And i agree, influence and popularity definitely is abused! And targeting strangers with no context or stories from both sides or having a grown adult talk is extremely common on the internet period. Honestly the BG3 fandom has been a solace for me but that’s only because i stick to a certain pocket of it: OC love and Gale. But i hope by now my followers realize: I’m super self indulgent. That’s my speciality.

Luckily i had a group of people and some mutuals have my back so i wasn’t alone. Also my fiance kinda talked me through it and we honestly kinda just… laughed. Because the situation was so laughable and silly. Like I’m in grad school, have a job, have to pay rent… I’m not worried about what people in a fandom have to say about me to a small pocket of people 💀 like girl I’m about to start an internship as a therapist, i have better things to worry about. I learned from it and I’m moving on.

But thank you again! Sending you my love and I’m sure your art is fucking awesome! I hope you have others to turn to as well :) if not, this goes for you and everyone else: my DMs are always open.

#re: ask

[ultraviolet-ink]

What do you think about asoryuu?

Oh boy, this one's going to be a bit loaded, so here's a bit of a preemptive apology for a ramble/word vomit/rant on my end. Suffice to say ASRY is a NoTP for me. When I was first getting into DGS all the way back in 2019/20, I was a bit ambivalent towards the ship. I had only watched a playthrough of the first game, and I had the feeling that Kazuma was going to come back, but the ship didn't really scream to me at that point, and it kind of befuddled me to see how it was so popular (and a bit of a tangent, I think people only really ship the 1-1 dynamic, but that's a convo for another day). If you even look at the header of my blog, it is no secret that I ship Ryuususa, and it is my OTP. When I had watched the fifth case on the playthrough, I was sold on that ship, and the last moments really sealed the deal for me-- there's something really compelling about the goodbye scene between Susato and Ryuunosuke at the docks, and the localization legitimately made me cry (happy tears of course!) Being a little naive, I started to post about it and I got... a LOT of harassment calling me a lot of names/accusing me of being okay with a lot of really horrible things (intrusive thoughts WHOOOOOOP). The harassment was so bad that I only recently opened up to my therapist about what had happened, and I was pulling away from servers/people I thought I was friends with/wouldn't treat me horribly. I found a lot of solace with people who were also violently harassed pre-localization (shout out to the Baroryuu community, you all were really kind to me, and I am proud to also be a Baroryuu lover <3), when I say it was drama filled pre localization, I mean it. I can even point out when my harassment started to March of 2021 when someone on twitter said not to read my dgs fics since I was a proshipper (I hadn't even called myself that at this point, and honestly I don't really use that title [idk how else to describe it lol], but I do follow that philosophy and call myself anti-harassment), and since I hadn't had a twt at that time, they linked to my ao3, and since I put my tumblr on my fics, I got a LOT of disturbing anons. Even when I made my server, I used to have a link that anyone could click on (word of the day is naive lmaooo), and I got a lot of creeps coming in trying to surveil the server and make sure their friends weren't in it (one person was even trying to get access to the nsfw section which was FUN). After reading this, you're probably thinking "what does this have to do with ASRY?". A lot of the major bullies in fandom HEAVILY shipped ASRY, and would harass people who shipped other ships (Baroryuu and Asobaro shippers were racist, Homuryuu shippers were okay with incest because of that stupid "greatest family in the world" line, etc.). All in all, it came with a lot of entitlement and anger that other peopled DARED not to ship that ship. Those sorts of people really tainted the ship for me. As for the ship itself, I can definitely see why people love it a lot (especially 1-1), but I really didn't like Kazuma in 2-4/5. I found him to be really particularly awful and obtuse (which, makes perfect sense in the story! Who wouldn't be in his position?). I was also mad that he only said ONE (1!!!) thing to Susato when he got his memories back (despite HER recognizing him and getting the ball rolling), and it was basically "Thanks for helping out my friend, bye!" (#justiceforsusato lol). Even at the end of the game, I still was mad at Kazuma and didn't really like him. It's only due to my friends (namely @leafyemeralds and her VERY GOOD TAKES in our convos) that I eventually started to warm up to him. Now he's my personal punching bag to Atone(tm) XD I suppose TL;DR I'm not a big Kazuma fan, harassment made me really dislike the ship, so I don't ship it (also, can ASRY shippers tag their stuff? this is more of a problem on twitter, but it happens on tumblr. Filters can only work if they're there =3=)

#ask #discourse #fandom problems

[akari-hope]

how would someone deal w a problematic hyperfixation? like harry potter for example? /srs

that's a good question! obv this is a pretty layered conversation, and this depends on the particular hyperfixation, but for the sake of being able to discuss at least somewhat how far this all goes, i'll focus on the example you gave.

quick note before i go into it though: EVERYTHING is problematic in some way. this is truly just a fact of life, and part of why this is such a difficult conversation to have. you're genuinely never going to find a piece of media that is without problems in one way or another. the difference is the degree of problems, and scope. so keep in mind from the start that i'm not going to take a "everything that's problematic needs to be thrown out" stance, bc that's just not realistic and we'd be left with nothing.

harry potter is a unique beast bc of joanne's transphobia and not inconsiderable money and power that she uses to lobby for it. it's not like enjoying works by lovecraft, who of course held many bigoted views but is now long dead. buying a lovecraft book does not directly provide monetary support to the bigotry. on the other hand, buying a harry potter book does. and even things that may not have a financial boon for joanne are still aiding to the popularity of the franchise, still aiding the platform she uses for her bigotry.

at the same time, it's impossible to say that people cannot have an emotional attachment to her work. ignoring the myriad of problematic elements for a moment (bc wow there really are a lot), joanne fundamentally wrote a story about a boy who was an outcast, who was unloved by the family he had, who didn't fit in, and found solace in others who were like him, just as weird and strange. it's impossible to ignore that, even if it was not intentional coding, that sort of story through a queer lens reads incredibly authentic and meaningful to the experiences of many queer people. i know many trans people in particular who found meaning in those books, and it's been a struggle for them to grapple with joanne's vocal hatred of them after feeling for years that maybe she understood, was an ally.

so it's already a bit of a moral conundrum. you can't support harry potter somehow without at least indirectly supporting joanne's transphobic lobbying. and the more you hear her speak about her bigoted views, the more you realize how much of that is in the books. and then you also run into the problem of your brain being latched onto it, unwilling to let go. it's genuinely a shitty situation.

now everyone can come to different conclusions about what is the "correct" course of action here. some people think that loudly enjoying harry potter with the addendum of "everyone is trans" is sufficient, death of the author as it were (quick note that isn't what death of the author means, but that is the claim people make). some people say you have to throw the whole thing out, become vocally against everything in it. some people say you have to enjoy within reason: don't buy merch but you can still read the books/watch the movies/etc., just pirate and you're all good.

and tbh i'm not going to tell anyone what's "right", bc this is a moral dilemma. not everyone's morals are going to align with mine. but if you're like me and joanne's views upset you too much, if the issues in the books are a little too uncomfortable to look past, if the idea that you might be funding hatred against your own group, against friends, against those you love keeps you up at night - it's definitely time to try and move on from it.

so, if you've settled on that course of action, what do you do? first off, you gradually limit your exposure. if you run a specific themed blog, write fanfic, draw fanart etc., those are the easiest things to start cutting out (mind you, you don't have to cut it out completely from the get go! maybe you write/draw but don't post as an example). if you desperately need to, reading/watching on physical media you already own is okay, or pirating instead. gradually weaning off is the key. eventually as you stop, the hyperfixation DOES begin to alleviate.

and again, this is only for this VERY particular piece of media under this very particular circumstance. were we in a lovecraft situation, where yes there's problems with the text but the man is dead and you're not funding bigotry, we truly wouldn't need to HAVE this conversation. my advice there would just be to consume responsibly and acknowledge the problems without making excuses for them. and to be clear, when the thing in question is not causing direct harm, that IS my advice. bc it bears repeating: everything is problematic in some way, and everyone is going to have a different threshold for what is a workable amount.

but when you have things like harry potter where you're funding transphobic policy, or attack on titan which is straight up japanese nationalist propaganda that can and has caused harm to real life people, this is when the conversation shifts less from "the media is problematic" to "this is actually affecting real life people". which...again, part of the reason this is such a layered conversation. honestly even with as long as i've rambled here about it, i've still barely scratched the surface of it all.

tldr: if your support/consumption of a particular piece of media is concretely (as in there is significant evidence and actual easy to identify examples of this) causing harm to real life people, it's time to consider weaning off of it by gradually limiting consumption, and not providing monetary support. if your support/consumption of a particular piece of media is NOT concretely causing harm to real life people and merely has problematic elements, acknowledgment of said elements and critical thinking is sufficient.

#anon #long post #god i hope this all makes sense. bc like. this is GENUINELY a tough conversation to have. #bc again there's just so much to everything

[hollyhomburg]

I've seen quite a few blogs make bts female 8th member fics and it got me thinking and curious. If they DID have a girl 8th member, would you still support them/listen to their music? And do you think anything would change in the group dynamic as well as sonically, lyrically or choreography wise? Or do you think they'd be less or more appreciated (popular, didn't want to use this word tho) What do you think?

i think it would change their dynamic with their fans just ever so slightly- and this is like- just my take on all of kpop being basically just an elaborate “idol boyfriend/girlfriend” fantasy for the fans. but when you look at idol groups like kard- which are the first male-female group- like there was such a push for them to date each other and then they came out as dating each other? and it seemed kinda strange to me and im sure alot of others because like- how much of that was real vs. something their managers would want cuz they though it would make them more marketable?

 i think we’d all start to obsess over the female member x whichever member we thought she looked best with and basically it would be about us imagining us as her and her with our biases, do you get what im saying? like it would become less about them and what they’re like interacting with each other and more about the sexual subtext between them and a girl- basically how it is whenever there’s a girl on a frame in a BTS video anyway only kinda worse cuz we’d be devaluing a member of bts when we were doing that- the same way people kinda try to undercut jin in a way by saying he’s the mom/ was the only one who was brought up rich/ is only there because he’s a pretty face- which dont get mad at me im just repeating what I've seen i don't actually think any of that. 

okay now getting to your question- yes- i think i still would support their music! because at the end of the day i still love their sound and their lyrics and their rap! choreography wise- i feel like big hit would probably lean towards the female member being at the center. and i think that they’d probably be less popular because then the fantasy would be broken for a lot of people. there is a grey line between valuing bts as a group that provides solace for so many and forming an unhealthy and unrealistic web of expectation and attachment and I think we all have tendencies to cross over the from time to time. but we have to remember that bts’s personal and romantic lives are non of our business and that we should still love them even as the years go on and they start to find the people they love. 

now- as far as 8th member fic’s i’d much rather read a story where the 8th member was a girl masquerading as a boy kind of like an ouran highschool host club situation you feel me? imagine the kind of stress that would take to like- keep it hidden and if she had any sort of sexual tension with the boys or if she started questioning her gender identity and started thinking that maybe she was nonbinary and the boys accepting them and stuff like that- oh god i can picture like the kinda dialogue they would have like “come on y/n- you're a girl right, what does it feel like to suck a dick?” “why dont you ask jimin hoseok” queue vmin choking on whatever they’re eating cuz yeah- they’ve had a few brojobs before dosent mean they love each other or anything @-@ right?  

#transparentjudgepandaweasel

[okaynicolette]

Lunch Between Friends - Liam x Jacob

Jacob pulled up to the lunch restaurant, unsure if he had the right place or not. It seemed rather crowded and also rather pink. After he found parking, which was not an easy task due to the Saturday brunch crowd of locals and tourists alike, he checked his messages from Liam again. Yep, this was indeed the right place. Jacob sighed, why couldn’t Liam be happy with just meeting up at a more adult restaurant, rather than something he read about in some food blog, he thought rather discontentedly. Walking to the front of the restaurant, which had bright pink umbrellas shading the sidewalk tables, he saw Liam leaning up against the gold and black painted wall (which was no doubt intended to be a tourist photo op). Jacob gave a light wave to his friend as he walked up, hoping that Liam was actually looking at him behind the dark aviator sunglasses he donned.

Liam arrived early to put his name down, knowing that this restaurant would be crowded at this time of day. It was a popular brunch and burger spot in Venice Beach and it was constantly full of trendy LA millennials– so of course, Liam loved it. Though it was a Saturday, he couldn’t help but check his work email while he waited for Jacob to arrive. He didn’t become one of the most sought after CFPs at his firm by taking weekends off, after all. Just as he sent one final email, he looked up and noticed Jacob walking towards him. Liam gave a head nod of greetings and said, “I put our name in with the host about 20 minutes ago, should be any time now.”

Jacob was thankful that Liam arrived early to put their name in– neither of them were very patient people, but Liam tended to be the more proactive one. Jacob would likely just suffer and complain. The two of them were roommates at USC for the last two years of school, so they knew each other very well. Nowadays, they tried to hang out as often as they could, but things got difficult since Jacob got his girlfriend pregnant right after his graduation. Liam was finishing school then climbing the corporate ladder at his job, while Jacob was learning how to be a father. Liam did his best to be a good uncle though, and Jacob was glad for that as an only child himself– his son, Isaiah, loved his Uncle Liam. From the time Isaiah was born until he was around six, Jacob and Isaiah’s mom, Aidy, lived together and had a fairly normal life. That was until about a year ago. Out of the blue, Aidy decided that she was disappointed she missed out on so much of her life and needed to “experience more”, which was apparently code for “sleep with other people”. They did their best, tried counseling for a few months, but eventually decided to go their separate ways. Jacob originally thought it would be easy because they weren’t married, but they both wanted full custody of Isaiah. The custody battle dragged on for months, when finally, in January, the court decided that they would have joint custody, with Isaiah going back and forth every two weeks. Jacob wasn’t taking it very well, though he tried to put on a good face for his son. He was grateful when Liam called to invite him on a spur of the moment trip, because it felt a little bit like old times.

Moments later, the host called to seat them and they headed into the restaurant. The inside carried the same millennial aesthetic as the outside with mismatched colorful vintage furniture and gold mirrors and picture frames lining the walls.  Jacob found quiet solace in the fact that Liam had good taste in food, which meant this whole Instagram-trap might be worth it. Once they were seated, Liam asked, “So did you book your flights?” He rarely beat around the bush, especially when he was nervous or eager. Something in his tone told Jacob that it was a bit of both.

“Yeah, I got them for the dates you told me and let Aidy know– not that she cared very much since it doesn’t affect her or Isaiah,” Jacob replied, unintentionally sounding bitter at the end of the statement. He was bitter, but he didn’t like showing it, even if it was just to Liam. “So, are we wedding crashing?” He asked before picking up the menu to try and find a decent lunch.

Liam laughed, idly skimming the offerings, even though he had already checked and double checked the menu before even deciding that this was the place they would be eating at. “I don’t know yet. I told you, it’s going to be a surprise for Nik– she doesn’t know I’m coming at all,” he replied, with a facade of excitement. Inside, he was beginning to worry about whether or not this was a good idea. Hoping that Jacob would have good advice, he asked, “Do you think I should tell her? I mean, I’m trying to be romantic and all that.”

Jacob was trying to read through the very long burger menu and make a decision about lunch, but everything sounded amazing since he accidentally skipped breakfast. “I mean if you want to be romantic, then showing up to surprise her at her best friend’s wedding is definitely that. It sounds like a fucking rom-com, for god’s sake,” he said, barely looking up. In all honesty, Jacob felt like the last person who should be giving advice on that sort of thing. He had been with one woman seriously for the last seven years and she had all but shattered his heart.

Liam sighed, setting down his menu. It was rare for him to let his guard down, but Jacob had seen him at his worst, so there was no image to uphold. “My friend from work, Riley, said that Maids of Honor usually have a lot of responsibilities. Do you think I’ll just be distracting her? Oh, and also the bride thinks I’m a dick, so that’s not great either,” he said, rather frustratedly.

Jacob decided on his food and set down his menu to face his friend. “Well I don’t know very much about weddings,” he began, again subtly playing the sad-heartbroken card, “but, like I said– it sounds like a rom-com. I’m sure she’ll appreciate the grand gesture and it’ll be fine. Also, you didn’t tell me Nikki’s best friend doesn’t like you!” He laughed a little bit, giving Liam a hard time. His attitude did rub people the wrong way sometimes, but that usually just meant they hadn’t taken the time to get to know him well.

Liam rolled his eyes as the waitress arrived to take their orders. Once she took their menus and left, he began, “She thinks I’m too showy or something. I get it, but like– she hated me from the jump, so what am I supposed to do?” He shrugged.

Jacob smirked, “Lease a Subaru, move to Arcadia, and become a high school guidance counselor, obviously.” The sarcastic response elicited a genuine laugh from both men. “Kidding, but who knows– This trip might show her friend that you’re serious about the relationship and she’ll get off your back,” he nodded, optimistically as the waitress dropped off their drinks.

“Damn, I never even thought of that,” said Liam pensively, realizing that Jacob had made a very good point. He was now somewhat reassured in his plan to go on the trip. “So how are you doing, man? I know these past few months have been shit,” he said somberly, genuinely feeling for his friend. Though Liam didn’t have any desires to be a father in the near future, he did love Isaiah like a real nephew, and was really disappointed to see how things turned out. He had even helped Jacob get a lawyer through his parents, but it was no use.

Jacob raised his eyebrows and sighed before responding. “It’s fucking lonely, dude. Like how do people our age even meet other people? I’ve gone out a few times with people from work, but bars and clubs… I’m just so not used to that scene anymore,” he shook his head and took a sip of his drink.

“Have you tried dating apps?” Liam asked, unsure of what to say to his grieving friend. Emotions weren’t his strong suit, but he was trying his best.

“If one more person asks me that, I think I’ll explode on the spot.” Liam said sharply. Just that morning, his mother had asked the same thing over the phone. Apparently it was time for him to get back out there again, or something.

Liam raised his hands up in mock defeat. “Alright, so no dating apps,” he resigned. “Well, weddings are a great place to meet people. Who knows– maybe we do score some invites and you meet someone there!” He said, trying to cheer his friend up. Just then, the waitress brought by their meals and topped up their drinks. “And if you don’t meet anyone, then I can always take you out. If you want to, that is,” he nodded, unfolding his napkin and setting it on his lap.

“I don’t feel a particular need to meet anyone, has anyone ever considered that?” Jacob muttered, following Liam’s lead and placing his napkin on his lap.

“You just said you were lonely, J. Even if it’s just a friend you meet, that would help! I know you have me, but it would be nice to have other people you can lean on right now and whenever, you know?” Liam explained before beginning to eat.

“I have friends!” Jacob said incredulously. “I have… Aidy?” He offered sheepishly, realizing that his social circle had been pretty nonexistent these days.

“Your baby-mama who you just got out of a five-month-long custody battle with? That’s your other friend? You might need this trip more than me, dude.” He chuckled and shook his head as he took another bite.

“Ew, God. Don’t call her that.” Jacob rolled his eyes, “But fine. I guess I do need to get out more. This trip will be good for that. And even if Nikki is super busy, the two of us can still go out and stuff, right?”

“Yeah, of course! It’ll be like a revival of the good old days– an Apartment 121 Renaissance!” Liam said excitedly, lifting his glass as if making a toast. Jacob laughed and lifted his glass to touch his friend’s. Their glasses clinked and Jacob felt slightly less hopeless than he had while he was driving in.

#para #liam x jacob

[the-great-tiger-of-mumbai]

To the individual who sent me Anon Asks but requested your message be kept private: no worries, pal. I'll just give you a generally vague response because the details you gave me were also rather unspecified, but I can really tell you're anxious and I don't want you to leave my blog with that dark cloud over your head. So here are my words of hopeful comfort.

When I say "childish drama", I mean drama among young people with little experience and thus nothing to draw on how to respond, thus adding onto the situation with perhaps more bad decisions. In this case, I really AM too old for it... not because I'm better than you (because I'm not), but because it's the same story I'm all too familiar with and I can't give it the response I would if I was at that age again. Fandom trends change and evolve, but at their core, toxicity and madness were always there from the very beginning. As much as the fandom scene in the early 2000s was very different from today, it was only different because of the technology available at the time--slower internet, dial-up, no smart phones, crude coding in fan sites, forums, etc. But things like ship wars, headcanon conflicts, character hate, and all that? Old as time itself. I can't begin to tell you how bad the ship wars of Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time was like. Or the Fox/Fara vs Fox/Krystal conflict back in the day. And while I was not a part of the Avatar: The Last Airbender and Harry Potter fandoms at the time, boy howdy, they were legendary enough for me to know OF them. So when I see similar dramas in, let's say, Steven Universe, Undertale, Among Us, or whatnot, as much as the fandoms are newer, the DRAMA isn't. If anything, the drama has been amplified because of the accessibility of the social media and people who don't know how to properly socialize and keep fiction separate from reality. 2021 is not the same as 2001.

With all this said, I frankly have no idea what the drama you're a part of actually is--my observations were on multiple platforms between multiple users, and for all I know, I could be conflating several dramas between different cliques as one and the same. Again--I'm not an active part of the fandom anymore, so I don't know who are the who's-who of today, just vague ideas of what memes are most popular. And from what I've seen, once again, it's not anything I'm new to. Accusations of whitewashing Little Mac. Pairing any adult with Little Mac. Pairing Don Flamenco with anyone who isn't Carmen. Pairing the boxers at all. Etc, etc. As I was digging into Tumblr, deviantART, and Instagram to find out what this spicy drama is, so much of it was deleted that I had no idea what even happened, so all I COULD form an opinion of is the old stuff I'm exposed to already. For all I know, the drama I saw may not be yours. And it may actually be childish, as in puerile and trivial. You know, the kind adults should know better not to engage in but still do.

I joke about enjoying drama mostly because I'm a wrinkly old coot who would prefer to laugh instead of cry. But if actual people got hurt--if actual harassment and death threats are being thrown about--then it stops being funny. I don't like reputation smearing as much as anyone does. One of the worst fandom experiences I've had here was when a friend was accused for being racist when she did Animal Crossing interpretations of the boxers and used a gorilla for Mr. Sandman, and being young and not American, thus unaware of the implications of such a depiction. It could have been a situation that can be easily deflated by a gentle talk about why drawing Sandman as a simian is inappropriate and the artwork changed, but no, their reputation was dragged through the mud despite never displaying any actual racism in their interactions and content before. I hated it, and I will never forget it. But that was long ago and I doubt the Tumblr fans of today would even know I'm talking about. They've grown up. I've grown up. We know how to deal with this sort of drama now. But not everyone does, can, or cares to. And you know what? I hope to give you solace by letting you know you are not alone and you do not, at all, deserve the harassment that came your way. Regardless of what happened that brought it on, you are a valid human being deserving of kindness and compassion as any other human being does.

If you ever feel the need to talk to a grizzled veteran of fandom drama, I'm always about. I may not be that active, but I'm on Discord daily--I'm just not a chatterbox and I may be slow in responding because I’m a working adult. Don’t take my silence as snubbing you--I’m naturally quiet even among my family and close friends. But as you can see with my last blog posts or so, when I do have something to say, I can say a lot. I just kindly ask folks to be patient with me.

#[OOC]

[verumking]

YOZORA RP PLOTTING CHEAT-SHEET!

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

tagged by: stolen from rosaguard because this is a hecking good meme tagging: anyone who wants to !

OOC info!

Mun name: Fallacy ! OOC contact: Feel free to DM me via Tumblr, or Discord if you have it ! 

who the heck is my muse anyway?

Yozora is the main protagonist of the fictional video game ‘Verum Rex’, as seen in the Toy Box world of Kingdom Hearts 3. He then made his debut in the Kingdom Hearts 3 secret ending, named after Yozora himself, as a canon character in the KH universe. We have seen all but two minutes of Yozora, and he currently does not have any speaking lines: thus this blog is solely built on my own headcanons and meta, including the universe in which he resides, Replica Earth. You can read more about Yozora’s world here. 

Born into poverty, Yozora had a bleak upbringing. In a bid to earn more coin, Yozora was sold off by his mother to a medical research group: who strived to ‘improve humanity’. This medical research group, was in fact, the robotics consortium known as Gigas Corporation: the company known for producing the Gigas robots that helped to construct Replica Earth. Under the covert trial ‘Project Night Sky’, the young Yozora was subject to gruesome experimentation... An operation that replaced his human heart, with the heart of a Gigas unit: an astral core, that harnessed the power of the stars. He was one of many children to undergo the procedure... and the only one to survive.  

A success to the scheme, Yozora was hailed the ‘Verum Rex’ (True King) of humanity: and was prophesied by Gigas Corporation to lead humanity to a new age. After discovering that Gigas Corp were murdering ‘lesser humans’-- those who could not sustain the power of the stars-- Yozora severed his ties. He fled the corporation, along with his two best friends, and the ‘Verum Regina’ whom was intended to rule beside him. His victory, however, was short lived: his queen was recaptured, and Gigas Corp were swiftly moving towards their next goal. Project Night Sky Phase 2. Declaring war against Gigas Corporation, Yozora vows to put an end to their tyranny, and to free the victims of their reign. 

Whether it be a side effect of the experimentation all those years ago, Yozora had recently begun to see the ‘Watchmen of Fate’-- ghostly spectres haunt his form-- along with the true identity of his home realm. Replica Earth was in fact a netherrealm: the graveyard of worlds, where lost souls would find solace... until their reincarnation. It would appear that Gigas Corp had discovered the truth of their world, and had ‘created’ Yozora in an effort to achieve immortality and divine rule over the multiverse. Yozora was more than just a king... he was the god of death. Whilst he had abandoned his regal title, it was only after discovering the volatility of the multiverse, that Yozora decides to save it.  To maintain the order of the universe, Yozora must uphold the cycle of reincarnation. Reaping souls... and leading them towards the light. 

things you should know:

Yozora is NOT the Master of Masters, Sora, Riku, Noctis or a fusion of any of these characters. A popular fan theory claims that Yozora is a future version of Sora/Riku/MoM, or is the Nobody of Noctis, but that is not the case here. He is his own entity.

My portrayal of Yozora is not exclusive to the Kingdom Hearts universe. Many make the assumption that Yozora is heavily tied to the Kingdom Hearts universe, but that’s not the case! Yozora’s kingdom is the ‘underworld’ of all worlds and universes: where all souls find purgatory before moving onto their next life. Yozora is extremely crossover friendly. 

what he’s been up to:

Main verse: From human, to cyborg, to king... Yozora had only recently acknowledged his wider role in the universe as the god of death. He is still learning about his divine purpose, and how Gigas Corporation are contributing to the destruction of the multiverse. Amid the ongoing war with Gigas Corporation, Yozora works in the shadows to uncover the truth of the universe before Gigas Corp.

where to find him:

Tokyo, Replica Earth:  One of the thirteen Arks of the Replica Earth space colony, this is Yozora’s home. Replica Tokyo also functions as the ‘Realm of Lost Souls’: where the deceased from other universes are brought to rest. A fugitive of Gigas Corporation, Yozora has multiple bases: one being the city’s ‘Underground’: a network of black markets nestled within Replica Earth’s subway system. 

Literally any realm: With the ability to cross dimensions, thanks to his astral crossbow, Yozora occasionally traverses up the celestial ladder in search of answers. However, the distance he can travel away from his home realm is limited, for he is tethered to the starlight harnessed directly from Replica Earth (and more specifically, the Verum Regina that remains in Gigas Corporation’s captivity). Should Yozora find a sustainable substitute-- a mortal with a strong hold of their fate (and thus, an affinity to the stars)-- Yozora will be able to forego returning to his home realm. 

current plans:

Take down Gigas Corporation: Yozora aims to put an end to Gigas Corporation’s tyranny. Through taking down Gigas Corp, Yozora will save all the new victims of Project Night Sky Phase 2, as well as rescue his significant other. 

Find the truth of the universe / his existence: Serving as the King of Death, Yozora traverses the multiverse reaping souls and sustaining the natural order of the cosmos. All in all, he is still trying to understand his purpose, and the intentions of the ‘Watchmen of Fate’ that haunt him. 

desired interactions:

Verum Rex muses / muses with Verum Rex verses!  As much as I loved building Yozora’s world, it’s twice as fun to build it with other roleplayers! Whether it be ‘canon’ Verum Rex muses, or existing muses with Verum Rex verses, I would love to involve you all in the little universe I’ve created for Yozora~ ;v;

Partners in crime: the Reapers of the galaxy!  Yozora has largely been working alone in guiding lost souls to his home realm... it would be amazing if he could recruit a whole team of reapers to help him sustain universal order. This is by no means a sinister role (though if your muses prefer violent death, Yozora won’t judge!) It would be similar in function to a roadtrip au, where the Reapers travel with Yozora and engage in all sorts of shenanigans. With Yozora being the king, the Reapers would also become his ‘knights’... and I hoping to build a ‘Knights of the Round Table’ with those that agree to help him ;v; 

+ many more interactions! this section will be updated over time, the more interactions I think of !

things that bother me:

Yozora being perceived as looking like Sora. I can accept Yozora being mistaken for Riku and Noctis... but not Sora. They are different heights, ages, and have completely different hairstyles/hair colours. That’s one piece of canon that I strongly reject. If it happens in a thread, Yozora will ignore it. 

Yozora being assumed to be Sora/Riku or their son. Thankfully it hasn’t happened yet, but please do not approach Yozora as if he’s Sora, Riku, their fusion, or their son. I can accept that he looks like Riku, but Yozora is his own entity. 

#⚔️ *:･ﾟ✧┆a heart’s relapse. ❪ queue ❫ #⚔️ *:･ﾟ✧┆realities wrought from an iron cast mind. ❪ plots ❫ #⚔️ *:･ﾟ✧┆anime edgelords… my ultimate weakness… ❪ ooc ❫

[thepersephonecabin]

16, 20-23, 36 ? For Riordanverse asks!

16. Where would you live in the riordanverse world (CHB, CJ, The Waystation, Valhalla, the Kane Manor, etc.)?

Camp Half-Blood! I know it’s kind of basic but I have the kind of nostalgia for CHB that most potterheads have for hogwarts. I even have a home-made CHB shirt (though i don’t know if it still fits me because I made it uhhh several weight fluctuation cycles ago)

20. Favorite ship?

It’s a suuuper small ship but i really love NicoxPercyxAnnabeth. I’m a sucker for some good healthy polyamory, and though our little group of shippers are small there are some just incredible fics. Honorable mentions: I would die for fierrochase, and when I, a non-binary, found out Riordan was doing a main character romance with a genderfluid character I uh, big cried. Also a big fan of Thalia and Reyna.

21. Least favorite ship?

So please don’t get mad, this is a personal opinion and not a judgement on anyone in the fandom who does ship this but my least favorite is actually solangelo, but hear me out. I think it’s really great that Rick gave Nico a happy ending with someone who is as kind and caring as Will! I think that’s a great message for younger queer kids reading the books who could benefit from seeing that they deserve happy endings too! So I’ll never begrudge anyone for shipping solangelo, but I have, a weird relationship with the ship personally.

For me, it’s less that I dislike the solangelo ship itself, it’s more that some solangelo shippers especially in the time right after Blood of Olympus came out got kind of nasty to people who weren’t immediately on the bandwagon. For example, I remember some people saying, “hmm I’m not sure I’m warmed up to will and nico as a couple yet” and solangelo shippers coming down and saying that they were being homophobic for it. (additionally, I made a post about this a loooooong time ago but I feel a little uncomfortable about how quickly solangelo grew in popularity with the fandom before it was confirmed canon because it felt crappy that no one had put that sort of energy behind any f/f shit in the riordan-verse. and then, almost simultaneously, people started shitting on riordan for not having any wlw in his books, but when the waystation girls were introduced it was like. radio silence in the fandom.)

so yeah. this is no shade to you if you ship solangelo, it’s more that i got burnt out on seeing the ship. I still think will and solace are cute in TOA, and i still see and reblog good art/fic of solangelo when I see it, it’s just not my cup of tea.

22. Favorite platonic ship (Brotp)?

Do Percy and Tyson count if they’re actually brothers? I love their dynamic and how in school Percy would defend Tyson even though he new it’d isolate him from others even more. Also I know I talked above about liking the nicoxpercyxannabeth ship but I also just like Nico and Annabeth bonding platonically after the books, the idea that they have to be jealous and nasty to each other just because nico had a crush on percy is so tired.

23. If you could save ONE of the people who died, who would it be (pick one, no cheating!!)?

SELENA! Her sacrifice was so poetic and I loved the parallels between her death and Patroclus’ from the Iliad but also! She and Clarisse should be married!!

36. The most controversial opinion that you have about the books (be honest, and friends/mutuals don’t kill the person who answers!!)

Oh gods I feel like I already outed myself on this one with my solangelo answer, but for the sake of fairness I will give another different controversial opinion.

I don’t even know if this is something people are still arguing about because I have weeded the whole conversation out of my dash but back in the day a lot of people on tumblr had beef about the age difference between Hazel and Frank because in physical years Hazel is younger than him. 

I can understand people’s complaints about the age difference because I get that irl even a difference of a few years can mean a significant power indifference. I saw this with a lot of my own friends in the real world and I even experienced a lot of my older brother’s friends pursuing me romantically (the people in question would have been 3-5 years older) when I was in middle school and high school and as an adult I look back at that and I’m so thankful that I dodged those bullets by standing my ground and not getting involved with those people who were older than me.

However, I think it’s also kind of convenient that people will discourse over Hazel and Frank being together, but not for example, Percy and Nico or Nico and Jason who have a similar age differences. And if I’m being honest, if you ask me why I think Hazel and Frank get so much more discourse about the age gap, the only answer that makes sense to me is the fact that there are few ships in the Riordan-verse in which BOTH SIDES of the ship are POC, and HazelxFrank is one of them.

This is something I’ve avoided putting out on my blog, I just try to ignore the whole thing tbh? but Hazel and Frank both separately got weirdly mixed reactions from the fandom and neither are particularly popular compared to some of the other characters. But when you think about it, nico has an age difference with most of the characters he’s shipped with, but I rarely see people upset about it. (not to mention there are so many other ships with significant age differences like leo and calypso, sadie and anubis, and paolo and apollo, etc who i also have not seen age discourse about). so idk. I understand why some people are made uncomfortable by it and that’s totally their right but I do still wonder if some of the frazel hate is misdirected

Send me a number!

#rebloggable #please don't kill me #Anonymous

[thevalesofanduin]

Online - part 1

A McKirk Tumblr AU

Being twenty-six, living with his mom and working at the local pizza place is hardly the kind of life Jim Kirk ambitioned. A nerd in a town that almost seems allergic to anything not having to do with the air force base on their doorstep he finds solace online. Yet his side-blog is portraying a Jim that’s not really, well, him.

So what happens when one of his followers sends him a message because hey, I’m in Riverside too...

note: inspired by none other than the always amazing @medicatemedrmccoy @mccoymostly and Online by Brad Paisley (because nothing like almost getting driven off the road as the two ladies in the front do karaoke to country while you plot McKirk in the backseat)

(also, I just borrowed the name Riverside for my own village *shrug*)

PART 1

 With a soft sigh Jim Kirk pushes his cap – bright red and Antonio’s pizza in screaming letters on the front – up from where it slid down to his forehead.

He thinks, not for the first time today – or even this week, basically ever since he started working here – that really, he can do so much better with his life. He’s also considering taking some money he’s got saved up for Chicago Comic Con next year – if he’s lucky – to get himself some new glasses because these are a tad bit big and nerdy and just a little bit broken.

Ah well, it’s not like he’s got anyone he’ll actually manage to impress around here.

So he foregoes the thought of new glasses for his Comic Con dream and plasters a smile on his face as the next teenager walks up to his till.

He asks “hi, what can I get for you today?” and wishes that he could really just get himself another life.

---

It’s already dark out by the time he leaves work and he swings by the gas station for a bag of popcorn and a large coke before driving home.

He parks his rust-bucket at the curb ‘cause his mom’s actually home from base this week and grabs his stuff before going inside.

His mom’s in the kitchen with what sounds like a drunk Frank and as he makes his way upstairs, ignoring them both, he thinks he’s not the only one that could do better.

When he gets to his room, just like every night, he tries not to think too hard on the fact that he’s twenty-six and still has a room.

He had dreams, once upon a time.

With wild hopes of MIT and NASA because if Star Wars has ever taught him anything it’s that he loves space.

But while Jim might be smart, he’s also scrawny, close to blind as a bat without jam-pot glasses and when he should’ve been playing football he was in the bleachers reading books.

In a town built around an air force base where your only prospects in life are either the army or Walmart – or Antonio’s pizza although Jim’s sure the Diner would also be an option – being a nerd just doesn’t pay off.

Sure, he could’ve gone off to study. But when you grow up in middle-of-nowhere Iowa even the thought of going to college somewhere costs money. Money which Jim doesn’t have. And loans he’s not willing to take – look at Sam, college dropout and bankrupt, living in the big city that only offers him drugs and booze.

So MIT has turned into selling pizza and all he ever captures of NASA is documentaries on Discovery Channel.

At least he has his computer, he thinks with a smile as he turns it on.

---

It’s a slow night, not so many Asks coming in but then it is Wednesday which usually isn’t the highlight of Jim’s notifications anyway.

He scrolls a bit through his blog, by the posts about salads and coffees and hiking. Of freelancing from the coffee shop and of beautiful European cities.

Here, there is no Star Wars. No Tolkien references. No popcorn and large coke.

Just dreams.

Dreams and popularity and lies.

It had started as an aesthetic sort of side-blog, just some pictures of healthy food, positive quotes and pictures of space to remind himself that there is more in his future than what he is now.

People had followed him, started reblogging his posts and suddenly he’s a big online presence with people thinking he’s some sort of successful hipster with the perfect life.

Should he have made a post claiming this isn’t who he is, he’s just a nerdy dude with a motivational blog and people made assumptions based on the posts on his blog?

Probably

But that doesn’t mean that he did. Because people message him now saying he’s an example. People love his blog, love the person behind it that seems to be so happy in his own life that he wants to share that with the world. He gets Asks – both from followers and Anons – asking if he’s single, wishing he’d live closer to wherever the other person is and that they’re certain he’s as beautiful outside as he is inside.

And while he feels almost rotten whenever that happens, it also feels amazing.

So he lets it run its course, rants happily about the faults in The Hobbit trilogy movies on one blog while quoting poetry underneath a skinny Latte picture on the other.

His daily post of today is a picture he took over lunch-break. He’d gone out to catch some sun as it had been a nice day out. Finally Summer is gone and with it the humidity, so he finally feels human when walking down the street. He’d walked up to the entry to the hiking path a few minutes down the road from Antonio’s and snapped a picture of it, a black truck parked on the side with the sun beaming down on the trees. It’s the most wonderful time of the year  he posts under it and after filling out the tags he posts it.

An hour later, when he’s scrolling through his dash and smiling like an idiot at some cat-video, he gets a PM from not-a-blogger-damnit that reads: nice hiking shot you posted earlier, it was a good day for it today. Riverside is gorgeous in Autumn.

The excitement of having received a message fades the moment his eyes catch sight of the end of the message.

Riverside

With his heart in his throat Jim goes to his blog to check the picture. Was there a sign in the photo? Had he just given away his location?

Fuck

Maybe there’s still time to delete it, he thinks.

But when he pulls up the post and scrutinizes the picture for any signs that give away his location he finds none.

Nothing.

Just the entrance to the trail and the truck.

The truck…

Cold dread settles in the back of his mind for a moment because somehow, this is worse.

This person recognized the truck. Probably owns the truck and the only reason for that truck to be at the trail is if the person walked it. This afternoon. Which means they have to be from around here.

Relax Jim, he tells himself and takes a deep breath. It’s Autumn after all and right after Thanksgiving it could very well be it’s just someone on holiday.

There is no way, after all, that someone living here has a Tumblr and is following Jim’s blog - and even catch on to the fact that it’s him running said blog.

So he opens the message and writes back: thanks, was a gorgeous day! Gotta love an Iowa Autumn, right?

He gets a reply to that and that’s how they end up chatting with each other the whole evening.

It’s mostly meaningless chatter until Jim decides to take a look at the other’s blog. What he finds stuns him into a solid minute of silence.

He has to admit he wasn’t sure what he was going to find – pictures of hiking shoes? Trucks? Some log cabins? – but what seems like a medical research center is not it.

It’s almost like an educational website with reblogs of articles, quotes from what Jim assumes are people working in the medical field and elaborate, eloquent discussions. Not your average Tumblr discussion either, these are professional discussions about topics that fly very, very high over Jim’s head but even a dummy can see the sharp wit in the other’s writing. How he’s smart yet funny and only condescending in one post that seems to slam down someone who should know better.

To say Jim is intimidated would be stating it lightly.

Interesting blog, he sends and there’s a little sting in his chest. A wonder, if he had gone to college to study engineering, would he have a blog like this about engineering?

He gets a reply after only a minute. Don’t you mean boring?

I think I meant impressive… Jim types back quickly, fingers lingering on the keyboard after he’s sent the message.

He did mean impressive. But he also meant that he’s jealous, intimidated and insecure.

But those are his feelings, his problem to bear and not something he’ll throw at a stranger.

Especially not a stranger who could be so close to him they might even find out who he really is.

He closes his eyes and swallows. How’s that for a Wednesday evening?

It’s just a job is the reply.

Jim stares at the words for a moment.

He doesn’t know this person. Their story, age, nothing. Except for the conversation they’ve had and the blog he’s scrolled through. But somehow the words feel wrong. Here is a person who writes about saving lives, about breakthroughs in medicine and has very clear opinions about how patients should be treated – both in and out of the theatre – downplaying all of that.

And Jim looks down on himself enough to not want anyone else to do the same.

I’m not a doctor but I can imagine you must be many things… smart, caring, dedicated. So I don’t think it’s just anything

He almost adds something about not underplaying who you are but can’t get himself to type the words he isn’t even living by himself. It would feel too much like a lie.

Silence follows, though.

Ten minutes of it, during which Jim rereads what he’s written at least four times and worries if he’s said something wrong. Starts typing apologies which he backspaces before he can send them and he settles for stuffing his face with popcorn and scrolling through his dash a bit.

Then, he finally receives a reply. Thanks darlin, you don’t know how much I needed to hear that.

A relief washes over him followed by a soft, sad smile that accompanies the compassion swirling through his veins.

Anytime, he replies – and he means it – and then, to lighten the heavy mood that seems to have fallen over their conversation, adds: by the way, did you really just call me darling? Just for the record, you’re not in a retirement home right?

What is it with everyone on this website? Y’all think just cause I say darlin I’m some old dude…

“Hah,” Jim mumbles in a sense of victory at finding out he’s talking to a guy. All right then, apologies to Mr. not-an-old-dude-from-the-south ;)

His hunch is proved right when he receives a now we’re getting somewhere in reply.

So it’s what, southern charm? You a real gentleman with accent, manners and all? Jim teases with a laugh, settling back into his chair feeling amused and happy – fear of being found turned into excitement about what is turning out to be a fun conversation.

Ain’t nothing wrong with some good manners, darlin’ it gets you places ;)

Jim raises an eyebrow at that. Wonders what it’s supposed to be. Without the emoji it would’ve been awfully condescending but with it, Jim can’t help but wonder if he’s reading too much into it if he assumes it could be flirting.

So he sends a message he can pass off as a joke if he’s wrong and this isn’t flirting and this turns out to just be one big mistake. So you’re gonna make me melt with nicknames and an accent?

Can’t hear my accent through chat but if you want me to make you melt I can, sugar. Don’t you doubt it.

Jim sits staring at his screen for a few moments at that message. He’s shocked and excited and he doesn’t even know what this man looks like but oh, he thinks he wants him. Wouldn’t dream of it, he sends back and then changes the topic – needs to because this really can’t go any further. The flirting is fun but fact remains Jim isn’t like this. He’s not so eloquent in real life, not so successful in real life. He’s just… Jim. So what’s a southern man doing in Riverside?

Turns out, he is filling in for his friend at his practice while said friend is on his honeymoon.

Had to get away from Atlanta and Geoff has been postponing that damned trip for months. Almost thought his wife would demand a divorce if he didn’t actually arrange it before the end of this year!

Jim’s fingers are itching to ask the other why he needed to leave Atlanta. But he supposes it’s none of his business so he doesn’t ask. Asks, instead, how he met his friend.

He gets a and who’s asking? in reply. Cause it’s only fair I know your name, darlin’, if I’m gonna be telling you all this.

For a moment, Jim considers lying but then decides against it. The other man is not from around town, there’s not going to be any chance of him actually knowing who Jim is if he knows his name. Jim’s asking, but feel free to ignore my questions

He gets back a Leonard. And wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t interested in telling you ;) and the rest of the evening is spent with Leonard going on about medical school and meeting Geoffrey and Christine and the amount of trouble they’d get into on their weekends off.

And when Leonard asks Jim what kind of mischief Jim’d get up to in his weekends off Jim says that’s a tale for another time but he really ought to go to bed.

He lays in bed and stares up at the ceiling, wondering what a guy like Leonard would think of him when he says he spends his weekends at his computer, talking with friends all over the world and just being his nerdy self.

part 2

tags: @outside-the-government @southernbellestatues @imoutofmyvulcanmind @wonders-of-the-multiverse @jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets @trade-baby-blues @madisonstarkiscanon @captainsbabysitter-blog @goingknowherewastaken @starmission @emmkolenn @dreaming-about-starfleet @haveyouseenmymind @eyeofdionysus @to-pick-ourselves-up-7 @skull-in-a-jar @feelmyroarrrr 

#Mckirk #Jim Kirk #Leonard McCoy #Star Trek AU #Star Trek Fanfiction #fanfiction #modern au #my writing

[uncharted-writer-blog]

Political Suicide

​The President committed suicide yesterday.

​Turns out a handgun and The State of The Union Address don’t mix.

​He put it to his temple. He blew out his brains. One minute he was talking. The next his aides got sprayed with bone fragments and gore.

​Needless to say, everyone is a bit shook up.

​Imagine standing before a planet-sized audience with that kind of confidence. Imagine having the guts to shock the entire world. I wonder if he thought it was funny. I wonder why he thought a public end was necessary.

​Sure, he wasn’t that popular, but Presidents never really are anymore. 30% of the country tolerates you, but would have rathered someone else. 50% of the country hates you like you were Satan himself. 6% of the country really couldn’t care less, and 4% of the country still thinks Ronald Reagan is in office.

​His final speech is going to be burned into my psyche until the day I die. Every word was spoken with a harsh calmness that sent shivers down my spine. He spoke softly and slammed us all over the head with a big stick.

​“My fellow Americans...I am not the man you think I am.”

​“You all know that I’m an incompetent fool...that’s the only thing CNN and FOX News can agree upon. You all know that most of what I say is so perfectly processed and prettily-packaged that it barely resembles the truth. You all know that I have failed to accomplish half of my campaign promises and haven’t even made an attempt at the rest.”

​“But what you don’t know is the abject depths I’ve slid to. You don’t have any idea the political greasiness necessary to get to this podium. You have no conception of how much of my soul I’ve given over to the Devil. I’m not the most powerful man in the world. I’m not even a man. I’m a creature made of metal. I’m a machine made of gears and wires that finds the path of least-resistance and steamrolls anyone and anything that keeps me from it. I’m a slimey little beast that hides inside my partisan tank, ruining lives and wrecking careers just so I can hold onto a position that I don’t even want.”

​“I’ve armed rebels to destabilize developing countries, I’ve hired thugs to threaten my rivals, I’ve ordered Middle Eastern drone-strikes just to drop gas prices by two pennies.”

​“My administration paid men and women to incite violence at protests. I personally ordered a man to poison someone on my own cabinet. I paid a hired-gun to kill a foreign leader’s daughter.”

​“My only solace is that I’m not unique. Politicians have been doing this for millennia. Leading is hard. Leading with integrity is impossible. Maybe humanity should never have left their huts and caves. We aren’t cut out for greatness.”

​“Anyways, sorry for interrupting your regularly scheduled programming. I hope you know we control all the networks. You’ll never see the real story in the news, or online, or anywhere, because the real story’s only witnesses are either dead or mechanical monstrosities like me.”

​“Go back to your social media. Play some video-games. Go get drunk, or jack-off to porn, or eat some McDonald’s. That stuff gives you cancer, you know. By the way, we’ve actually had the cure to that since the 1950’s. But whatever. Just keep living and dying, I guess.”

​“Goodnight, ladies and gentlemen. God damn America.”

​And then he did it.

​I wonder if he’d be proud or horrified at all this chaos he’s left behind. People tend to like the status quo of casual disappointment in the government. Now the entire system is in overhaul and demands active attention. The Vice-President resigned. So did the Speaker of the House. Half the country doesn’t even know the name of the new President. All sorts of investigations are underway. Riots have broken out, and now everyone has to ask if the violence is federally funded.

​The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta got attacked this morning. A mob showed up, demanding the cure for cancer. When the police came to put down the fighting half of the boys in blue ended up joining the crowds. I think the National Guard killed some people, but it’s honestly hard to keep track.

​Obviously foreign nations aren’t happy either. There are demands for war-crime trials and reparations. But who do we go after? Who is guilty anyway?

​News channels are assuring their viewers that the government doesn’t really control them. Politicians are swearing they knew nothing of the President’s schemes. There are unconfirmed reports that the Attorney General got on a plane bound for South America.

​It’s odd how one man’s death could have so much impact. It’s crazy how much he mattered. It’s interesting that he will be remembered for centuries as the brutally honest scumbag who shot himself in front of the entire world. Now Hitler has some company.

​Nobody thinks about the man himself. They think of the concept. They focus on the Office of the President of the United States, but I wonder how many people out there care about the human being that pulled the trigger.

​Did he have family? I know there was a First Lady. No kids. I think I remember seeing his Mother on TV during the election. How do they feel about such an admission? How will they live on?

​Maybe they’ll kill themselves too. I’m sure I’ll see it on the news at some point.

​And here I am, relaxing on my couch, watching a personal crisis burn like a fire across the planet. And here I wonder what I should be doing. Should I make a comment on social media? Everyone has. Should I write a blog post? Who would read it? Should I scream in the streets? No one is listening.

​So I sit here. I do not act. I am inconsequential.

​I follow my Commander in Chief’s last order. I go back to my scheduled programming. I eat a cheeseburger and play some videogames. I’ll probably masturbate before bed.

​The world is in chaos, but the individual doesn’t give a fuck.

#writers on tumblr #my writing #writing #write #hypothetical #politics #president #suicde #dark #philosophy

[evieoftheisle-remade]

what is your absolute favorite ship? how did you start shipping your favorite pairing? what’s a ship you like that most people don’t? what’s a ship you hate that most people like? what is the most underrated ship, in your opinion? what is the most overrated ship, in your opinion? what’s your favorite headcanon of your favorite pairing? favorite AU ideas for a SoC pairing? what song(s) remind you of your favorite pairing?

what is your absolute favorite ship?

SOLANGELo

how did you start shipping your favorite pairing?

I’ve loved nico since the beginning of time

*Since 2007

*(bratty 10 yo angel nico di angelo was a big role model for me)

I worship everything he does and every choice he makes, boy, perfect,

Will is perfect for him

(Will solace has been a solid Bae since 2009)

*(Healers are a weakness of mine smh dont give anyone healing powers unless u want me to love them)

Anyway him showing up in TLH alone was a fucking god damn blessing in my heart and then rick is like “oh we are not finished with him yet” and damn just

wow

(iconic)

sometimes i still cant believe it what a

literal!!!!!

what

(wow)

what’s a ship you like that most people don’t?

idc if mal/carlos counts? Im not really in any fandoms wide enough to say what “most people” ship or dont ship. i dont think mal and carlos is v popular but i would fucking die for them thnks

what’s a ship you hate that most people like?

i dont kno w !! i have some hardcore notps but but no means do i think its something “most people” ship

what is the most underrated ship, in your opinion?

Since ive got PJO on the brain imma say Percy/Grover!! They’d be really precious please

ALSo i think im just getting picky abt the word “most” lmao. bc all my answers feel like lies bc i definitely dont think its the “most” underrated lmao. they just deserve more cred

what is the most overrated ship, in your opinion?

BRUh idk!! i dont wanna be negative abt ships on my blog.

i rlly only have a problem w ships being popular if theres a bad age difference or inces/t or a power gap or something

what’s your favorite headcanon of your favorite pairing?

I REAd a headcanon somewhere once that Will always is wearing headphones/earbuds, and people always assume “eh apollo kids listening to music” but in reality hes listening to murder/horror podcasts or something?

Anyway that stemmed into me headcanoning that Will always infodumps about random old unsolved murder facts and things of that sort and Nico always listens and sometimes provides Underworld Kid Insight™ that Will goes absolutely wild for

Also nico likes to put his Cold Cold zombie fingers on Will’s neck when he isn’t expecting it and Will shRIEKS evrytime “YOU ASSHOLE!”

favorite AU ideas for a SoC pairing?

This isn’t a ship AU bc I never make SoC aus that are focused on one ship lmao but

i have a lame basic spy au where they all have code names based off constellations cuz im a ho

Kaz & Inej were Corvus & Crater (fucking duh)

Jesper and Wylan were Cygnus and Aquilla (A shitty assignment but I couldn’t think of anything better bc classic constellation matches r very limited options)

Nina and Matthias were Ara and Lupus (Which are only vaguely speculated to be related constallations but ya boi doesnt care bc the symbolic concept is gorgeous)

Kuwei was Orion but i might change it, but orion is a pretty badass spy codename and i like it for him

anyway i already hate myself for sharing this much lmao i hate sharing fic and original stuff so dont be surprised if i delete this part in like 10 minutes

and if i dont, good for me

dont ever mention this to me bc i will have a breakdown

what song(s) remind you of your favorite pairing?

OK SO FOR SOLANgelo:

Make you stay by TGATDC!

Favorite Record by FOB!

Plant life by Owl City!

Always by P!AtD

The Poison by All-American Rejects

Fight For Me from Heathers lmao

[Ship Asks!]

#asks #lightninghime

[comeondowntosouthparkrpg-blog]

Pete 'Red Haired Goth'

Hey, it’s one of those butthole vampire kids!

Pete has been accepted! Please send in your blog link, and a picture or name of a face claim to be featured on the main blog!

Out of character info

Name/Alias: Dovey/Madame

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: 19

Join Our Discord: Heck yeah! Dovey#7410

Timezone: CST

Activity: 7/10

Triggers: None

Password: Dildo

Character that you’re applying for: Pete (Red haired Goth)

Favourite ships for your character: Michael/Pete, Pete/Tweek, Anything with chemistry really

In character info

Full name: Peter ‘Pete’ Ellis

Birthday: December 10th,

Sexuality, gender, pronouns: Poly-Bisexual || Male ||  He/Him

Age and grade: 17 || Senior

Appearance:

Pete is about 5’11 - having finally gaining some height after puberty hit him, he enjoys actually being taller than most of his classmates now. He has an average frame, which he doesn’t take pride in but also doesn’t care enough to change. Has soft, shaggy black hair, that still tends to hang in his face from time to time, his bangs and the tips of his hair are often dyed a new color every couple months, but he tries not to over dye his hair in fear of ruining it again. His favorite color to dye his hair is still a dark maroon red.. Pete has light brown almost hazel looking eyes, due to the dark bags under his eyes they tends to look darker, but that also has to do with certain lightings.

Pete’s wardrobe still consists of nothing but black, but gladly he’s branched out over the last couple years and added other dark brooding colors, but through the years he’s developed a better sense of style and actually pulls off more of a punk-goth sort of look, though he does have his fair share of Victorian Goth type attire as well. The darker type clothing actually looks pretty good on him, considering he is quite pale due to spending a lot of time indoors with the rest of the Goth’s during most of his childhood.

Personality:

Pete is a little ball of gloom and doom, being deemed one of the most cynical out of the group of Goths, which is really saying something seeing as they’re all a bit cynical. Apathetic, and almost seemingly unemotional on a surface level most find Pete to be odd and hard to get along with due to his pessimistic outlook on almost everything, Pete is socially awkward and bad at relating to other kids his age due to his completely different outlook on the world. Though if you stick around long enough, and prove you might not be as much of a Poser as he once thought he’s doggedly loyal and will even go to extreme lengths to take care of the ones he cares about.

Once you get past his outer shell you find a insecure young teenager just trying to do what he can to survive his last years of High School, often second guessing and doubting his decisions and wondering if one wrong slip up might lead to his friend’s abandoning him at any turn. Having found a passion for the poetry he once wrote for his friends to express his dark hatred of this world, he’ll often vent everything through his poetry whether its still dark outlooks on the world, happy memories, his first love, complaining about a terrible teacher, etc. If Pete ever let’s you actually look at his personal Poetry book, just know you mean a lot to him and he trusts you a lot.

History:

Pete’s life is as normal as a kid’s life could be when you grow up in a town like South Park. Being raised by an alcoholic father, Pete’s childhood was a rough one due to the neglect he had from his father and the emotional abuse he suffered in result of the neglect and blame that was tossed on him of why his Mother was never around. Pete’s only solace from what went on at home was his own personal group of misfits, joining the Goths was one of the best decisions of his life and it gave him a place to escape to from time to time, it gave him an outlet where he could vent, and for once he actually felt wanted and cared for. He had a family.

He spent the years hanging out with his fellow goths, often hanging out at Henrietta’s to listen to music, read poetry, and smoke, spending time with the Goth’s gave Pete something to look forward to everyday. When they gang entered Middle school, life seemed to change drastically, for most it was a rude awakening into the reality of the world, but for Pete it was just another step in his life. For many life became more focused around being popular, who was dating who, or making sure your name stayed out of the rumor mill, during Middle School Pete became fascinated by gossip and all the rumors that floated around the hell hole of school where Hormones and awkwardness ran rampant, and even though he didn’t have a lot of pull with the other cliques he found he was actually really good at spinning a couple tall tales and adding his own stories to the rumor mill.

Currently Pete is in his final year of High school, having finally decided to escape from his father’s trailer in the middle of Junior year and moved out on his own (Might possibly be living with Michael?). Pete spends his days trying to apply for any and all colleges far away from the small mountain town, working part-time at the Village Inn, and regularly attending the Poetry club meetings.

Sample paragraph:

God what a stupid fucking decision, why did he think this was a good idea? Flexing his fingers in agitation, Pete clenched his teeth holding a deep breath, he started to count backwards from 10, before slowly starting to relax once again. This was stupid, why was he getting so worked up over the idea of spending just a few miniscule minutes with the poetry club? What was he so afraid of, he was sure he could think up a good enough excuse so it wasn’t suspicious to the other Goths. What happens if Michael finds out? The thought rung out through his mind so suddenly it took him off guard. He could feel the ominous thoughts returning once again. Not now please he mentally pleaded, Pete hadn’t been able to grab a new pack before he left the apartment and had smoked his last Cig during lunch now there was nothing he could do to neutralized these intrusive thoughts that often plagued his every waking moments when he wasn’t drowning his brain with the sweet addictive chemicals produced from the Nicotine he consumed daily.

If the others find out about you joining this preppy conformist club, they’ll turn their back on you. Pete’s hand froze mere inches from the doorknob, his fingertips gently brushing against the cold metal, mouth slightly agape at the very thought. He grit his teeth, yanking his hand away from the doorknob, he turned on his heels trudging away. His hand held tightly to the strap of the old ratty backpack he’s had since freshman year. Who’d want to be friends with a freak like you? You’ve already pushed everyone else away a long time ago. Pete’s hands were starting to shake as the intrusive thoughts started to slip their way through the fading barricade caused by the nicotine, You’re better off dead anyways. As the familiar thought filled his brain once again one sentence continued to swim through his subconscious as his feet stopped moving altogether. Better off dead. Better off dead…

He stood there, frozen in his spot as the words played over and over in his mind, a mental tour meant that had all but become a common part of his everyday routine. A scowl etched its way onto Pete’s features as he took a couple steps back before turning around, trudging back towards the club room. He’d show him, prove his own thoughts wrong, and show once and for all he wasn’t going to let him fall victim to this self-loathing. Grasping onto the doorknob, he yanked the door open, trudging inside. Unfamiliar faces greeted him, as soon as he stepped foot into the classroom, warmly welcoming him to their club. Better off dead my ass he thought with the faintest of smirks crossing his features.

Headcanons:

Pete has really bad Insomnia, tends to drink a lot of coffee as a way to fight his increasing exhaustion

Joined the poetry club during Junior year, claims it’s a stupid preppy club, but secretly really enjoys the club

Still plays Bass for the Goth’s band whenever they decide to perform again.

Has suicidal tendencies, but tends to use his poetry as a way to vent instead of actually self harming.

Is also to defiant to actually kill himself, always wants to prove his subconscious wrong.

Moved out whenever he hit senior year due to harsh conditions at home, now lives in an apartment with Michael*

*Will discuss this idea with the person who joins as Michael, if not Pete probably just lives by himself

Smokes so much I’m surprised this guy doesn’t have blacklung yet. Mainly smokes as a way to relax, claims it helps clear his mind from bad thoughts

Anything else:

#Application #Pete Ellis #admin Sam #Pete ‘red haired’ Goth #submission

[docandprof]

Why Did This Week Suck and Not Suck so Much?

Salutations good sir!

Man this week was a rollercoaster of emotions. Honestly probably one of the hardest weeks I have ever endured. But before that, lemme take a hot sec to answer some of your questions and comment on you. First and foremost, I'm SUPER proud of you and how much of an adult you are becoming! Your life seems, if not more than, as crazy as mine does. It always brings a smile to my face when you tell me how you are breaking out of your shell in more social and professional environments because when it’s us and the gang, you are more than sociable, so I see it as more the world is getting to see the true version of you, a dorky pensive goofball. Even though this wasn't in your post, because we talk outside of said blog, I was really happy that Lyss was able to go see you two and spend some time with ya. I can’t wait to see you all for Thanksgiving, which is just a few short weeks away!! Also, when are you coming home for that? I'm gonna be in Iowa from that Tuesday until maybe Friday morning so I wanna see you when I can before I have to leave again. You might have to share me with Jaynie at that point because I'm not gonna have tons of time to see everyone. Ummmm your question for the week was kinda hard because I would want everything to be magical. Buuuuut, if I had to choose, I would probably go with something inconspicuous like a magic watch that when you open it or interact with it in whichever way the player sees fit, a portal opens from which you can pull/store anything like Hermione's bag. Or it’s imbued with some sort of element and you can get creative with what it can affect, like you click it and you turn into a flame-man or different parts of you take on the characteristics of the different elements a la Ben 10. So yeah, something like that.

Now for my week in retrospect! Let’s see, Halloween here at school is more of a big deal on the weekend (Halloweekend is what they call it) because that is when all the parties are, so I stayed in and studied and did work like a good lil noodle. I did dress up in my Superman onesie while I did work so that was kinda in the Halloween spirit. So lemme just preface what my academic week entailed and then we can get into it. Monday: 3-4 page Spanish paper was due, Tuesday: Orgo lab report due, Wednesday: Test corrections due for my Bioclocks test, Spanish essay test, History of Warfare test where like every subject involved some iteration of Charles, Frederick, Philip, Henry or some Pope, Friday: massive Orgo test, big project due at midnight for my Brain Damage class, and another assignment for said class. And inbetween all of those things, I had to study for all 3 tests, perform a continuous sleep study on myself, help mediate/console 2 friends who are dating/like each other but being stupid so I'm being the good friend who listens and tries to help, AND still dealing with my own emotional shortcomings. Ok got the picture? Simple enough? Good. OH! And I planned out the rest of my classes for the rest of college in order to be prepared and efficient for class registration, which is tomorrow for me.

So I did what I had to do and I buckled down, studying and working on everything while trying to be a good friend for these two love birds. Now I think the earliest I ever got to sleep this past week was 3 in the morning, and I woke up at 8 every day, so my body was really pushing its limits. I didn't really feel stressed out in the beginning of the week, which is normal for me. You know me better than anyone, so you know that I'm pretty calm under pressure and don't panic, which I just consciously realized is all God. I always knew that everything I did wasn't by my own strength and that I am extremely blessed and favored, but it never really registered in me that the reason for my stress-free life is because I have faith in God that he will take care of me and everything will work out in accordance with his plan and if God provides for the birds, why would he not provide for his own beloved children. So that was pretty cool to actively know that. Now back from my sermon of the week to our previously scheduled programming. Totally ok during the week, and then Thursday hit. I was feeling like crap, like actual crap, no figure of speech there or excuse to include some profanity, I was really not feeling well. But I had already asked Nidhi if she wanted to go get breakfast that day at 9 because I haven't had a real breakfast in forever. I ate like 3 bites before I started to feel worse. So we do breakfast and then move to go do work. Standard stuff, studying, tried to eat a lil something for lunch, couldn't. So I went back to the house and kept studying until I finished the notes and felt like I had an ok grasp on the material. Later that day, my friend Jordan came over and we were studying together and she would ask me a question about something, but I just had no idea how to answer, so we moved on to the practice test which we both usually do pretty well on. But we couldn't even make it past the first question without having to look everything up and I was getting really frustrated at that point because I had been studying for over a week. Now at this same point in time, in addition to the friends in love problem thing, I was getting frustrated with myself over this whole Jaynie situation because I'm me and I haven't told her how I feel and it has been eating at me for a bit and she has been busy so we hadn't been talking a lot and you know how I get attached to the people around me, so not talking to one of my favorite people was pretty frustrating. And we were talking at the time of my failure to even attempt the practice test and I was telling her that I was getting frustrated amongst other things. She asked me what was wrong and if I wanted to talk about it, and I said yes and no because it’s complicated and I wanted to tell her everything but it’s hard to tell her some of the reason for my anxiety was because of her and my feelings for her so that worsened things on my end because she could tell I was losing it, so she used my own advice I gave to her earlier that week against me that I needed to talk to someone and not internalize my feelings. So at that point I kinda just lost it and left the house to go on a walk. I was gonna call you because I tell you everything, but it was like 1 in the morning at that point and you were asleep, and I was gonna call my dad because he and my brother have a close relationship and I know that he will always be up and willing to listen and give me some advice, but I didn't do any of that. Instead I called Jaynie. I had no idea what I was doing, but I knew that I had to hear her voice. Luckily she answered, and I was initially just gonna call and say thanks for helping me through it and that I was gonna call my dad afterwards, but I never did and we ended up talking for a little bit and it felt really good. She knew that the best way to calm me down was to ask me about other stuff like the crappy dodgeball game and some other stuff to get my mind off things and it was really just what I needed. We didn't really address anything else major, even though I really wanted to bring us up, but I didn't and after we were done on the phone she sent me nice text telling me that I always had someone to call and that I don't always have to be perfect. So outta my ashes of a first mental breakdown came some solace and some good in that one call. But yeah, that was my week.

As for this upcoming week, I'm pleased to announce that Jaynie will be coming back for the weekend because I invited her! Nidhi is dancing in the Diwali showcase on Saturaday, which is an Indian festival thing and she is super excited to do it, so I figured it would be a nice surprise if her best friend came into town to see her dance. But we are ALSO going to another concert after Nidhi’s dance and that is gonna be fun because we know the band personally. More on them later in the recommendations. And so we had this all set up to surprise Nidhi, but things kinda got twisted around logistically, so we had to tell Nidhi about it since Jaynie is gonna be staying the weekend with her and she didn't wanna just blindside her like that, so I told Nidhi what was going on and she was so happy, so I'm pretty excited for this weekend for 2 reasons, which are pretty obvious and need no further words ;). The only thing I have to get done this week is to write a research paper for Friday, but I think that’ll be ok. Life is on the upswing right now.

Ok recommendation: this band we are seeing is called Arlie, and the guitarist was the RA of the floor my friends and I hung out on all the time last year in Memorial and we are good friends with him. But they just signed a record deal, and they have their single out on Spotify right now and it is actually decently popular with like over a million listens already, so check out Arlie and their single because I think you would enjoy it. Question of the week: have you ever thought about watching Silicon Valley on HBO? I have seen the first episode and am wondering if you would like to watch with me? Oh, I also have watched all of the Bloodborne and Dark Souls 3 play throughs on IGN, so praise the sun for that!! Now that I have once again plot dumped on you, I bid thee farewell.

With all my love,

the doc

P.S. - don't forget to tell Dev happy birthday!!

#arlie #diwali #firstmentalbreakdown #itisdone