#as much as I wish more things from the novel were either left in or dropped out

[ninjakk]

A friend who, unfortunately, likes JC defended him a lot to me when I was first watching the donghua then read the novels. Perfectly honest, I thought he was a loser but my friend kept defending him for being able to pull the Jiang sect together after the LP massacre but...I don't know? Did he really? wasn't it more WWX's reputation that pulled the sect up and high? Is JC actually a good leader? I have trouble seeing that

Hi anon 😊

Ah yes, I have been there as well unfortunately!

Although I was respectful of their opinion, it seems we no longer talk haha 😆 Perhaps it was something to do with the time they claimed JC hunting down and torturing innocent people who used guidao was "just a baseless rumour" - to which I casually responded with proof it was certainly not a rumour. I mean, JC literally encouraged JL to kill them and feed them to his dog for a start 😂 I don't think that was a joke in the slightest lmao. Honestly, I didn't expect them to take offence at the evidence proving otherwise, since we enjoyed discussing the novel and debating such things anyway! But, hey-ho!

Hmm, the whole "restoring the Jiang sect to its former glory" debate is a major source of discourse between MDZS fans! I mean, JC did join forces with the Twin Jades of Lan and launch a surprise attack on the Wens in order to secure their confiscated swords. Which I have to say, I always found so hypocritical and two faced of him to do... You know, considering he not only unjustly blamed LWJ for everything that happened to LP, but even wished WWX had left him and JZX to die in the cave prior to the attack as well! And he calls WWX shameless...

But even so, JC seems to have worked hard in the three months WWX was missing. Attacking the Wens supervisory offices and hunting down WC alongside LWJ and the respective cultivators under their command. Even WWX praised his efforts when they were all reunited. So credit where credit is due, I guess.

That being said, it works both ways! WWX's efforts should not be ignored either - which I often find the case whenever JC is praised for his accomplishments regarding the Jiang sect. WWXs new cultivation path is what helped them gain an upper hand during the Sunshot campaign, he garnered much praise and admiration during the war - it was only in the aftermath that people began to turn against him, especially seeing the obvious lack of loyalty or protection from JC. But WWXs guidao most certainly helped rebuild the sect's reputation and enticed new disciples as well. JC even gave his blessing for WWX to showcase his cultivation during the Mount Baifeng night-hunt, in order to recruit even more disciples! So I agree with you, WWX's new cultivation path was one of the driving forces in helping elevate the sect to its former glory, perhaps even beyond.

As for whether JC is a good sect leader? Honestly? No.

Evidence would suggest otherwise, in my opinion. Some like to pretend JC is the beloved sect leader of Yunmeng - but that's far from the case. He's made the sect less approachable, closed its doors to the public and scared away those seeking help on matters he doesn't deem worthy of his attention.

The general public seem frightened of him because of his awful personality and the fact they have witnessed him torturing innocent people. His own disciples seem to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around him and be careful of his famous temper. He seems more focused on pushing JL beyond his limits and imposing his own insecurities on the poor kid than actually helping others with their problems. When he's not doing that, he's off hunting down his latest unsuspecting victims to torture and do god knows what to!

So no, I don't consider him to be a particularly good sect leader, his priorities do not align with what I (or I would assume most others) would consider as such. A great leader is able to get along with others and inspire their disciples. They should also be able to secure backing from the general public by being present and approachable when issues arise.

Let's put it this way - LWJ was given the title 'Hanguang-jun' a title befitting of how the public perceive him, righteous and willing to help others. JC also has a title, that of 'Sandu Shengshou', which is in relation to a Buddhist saying regarding the three poisons - the root of all turmoil. Certainly not a good public image to have! Even the general tone of anyone talking about him isn't overly respectful - people rarely call him by his courtesy name unless they are addressing him directly. Otherwise, it's his birth name, which of course, is highly disrespectful unless you are very familiar with said person. MXTX made a deliberate choice for the public to call him 'Jiang Cheng' instead, so it is certainly significant and shows us that he is not well respected or liked by the general public and even other cultivators! This is in the first few chapters as well! All in order to set the tone of how JC is perceived. I mean, even the narrator (which is of course a stand alone entity/person and not WWX as many wrongly assume) calls him JC instead 😂

Overall, I think JC did put effort into building his sect up again, but WWX certainly deserves equal credit for that as well. That being said, it doesn't alter the fact he's not a very good leader in the sense I would consider, and I think that's been made more than apparent in the text as well.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wei wuxian #canon jiang cheng #mdzs novel #anon ask #answered ask

[llycaons]

I love all the additions the cql crew put in sooo much its one thing to just film a story as its written and its another thing to adapt with passion and put a unique spin on it and turn it into a distinct piece of media with its own tone and its own plot beats and its own dialogue and its own character idiosyncrasies...despite its flaws cql has this wonderful personality that isn't quite the same as either the novel and the donghua and it just fills my heart with love

#as much as I wish more things from the novel were either left in or dropped out #and as many writing and timeline crimes its made #its just a very special work to me like they did all that! they did all that they didnt have to #yeah obvs they were forced to make changes bc of budgeting and censorship but I really like the additions! #it flows as a cohesive story for me #the donghua did this too that was a really good adaptation with its own flair too #but the drama diverges enough to be very interesting. to me #cql txp

[xiaosonlybeloved]

Our Love is Six Feet Under- Nakahara Chuuya

featuring: Nakahara Chuuya (bsd), gn!reader (no pronouns mentioned) warnings:- angst throughout, major character death, major light novel (stormbringer) spoilers!! a/n:- my, my, this idea has actually been rotting in my brain for over a month and its my longest fic till date. i loved writing it i hope u guys like it too <33 heavily inspired by 'six feet under' by billie eilish

wc: 3k || masterlists

You feel like you’ve been through worse than hell and back when you drag your eyes open. It doesn’t take you long to assess your situation and remember what had happened to you in the first place to get you attached to a hospital bed with various machines around you.

You promptly wish you’d rather have died instead, or never woken up. Not having had to deal with the pain that stabbed your heart like a thousand serrated, unforgiving knives would be a million times better than being alive. It would have been so much better than being the only survivor. 

Technically, you should feel no personal guilt over the Flags’ deaths. Its not like you had been hired to protect them, and what you had been paid to specifically do is the only thing that matters when you’re an assassin. Especially when the Port Mafia is the one who outsourced you. The blame of their deaths could, in no way, be pinned upon you.

Having feelings is what gets someone killed in the world you live in, a dark world in the deepest shadows of the city. Having an ability is no reason to be confident of yourself, not when the country is littered with ability users everywhere. And yet having an ability as unique as yours is how you managed to save yourself from the certain death brought upon you all by the King of Assassins.

It was supposed to be another normal day, right? You were off-duty, so you were hanging out with the Flags at the usual place, who you had become ‘acquainted’ with over the past few months of working together, Mori’s orders. If you could dare to curse yourself and them by calling you guys friends, you would. One of them, possibly the one you were closest with, had left for some mission with a foreign investigator, long story. So you were chilling out with the others, playing billiards and all that stuff. 

If someone had told you that would be your last memory together, you would have atleast clicked a picture for keepsakes. Or you’d have cherished the moment more, rather than treating it so casually. After all, you never know the value of what you’ve lost until you’ve lost it. 

In the present, you shut out your emotions- they’re too much of a storm for you to be able to deal with. The grief at their deaths, the horror at the memory of the sight, the overwhelming grief- you needed a break. You slipped back into unconsciousness, a weight lying heavy on your chest that would surely never leave you until you die.

********

The funeral seems much too loud and way too quiet at the same time, or perhaps thats just your thoughts. You’re silent in the shadows, yet again, watching the processions and the choir wordlessly. You don’t speak anything. You don’t think you have the right to. 

You haven’t dared to talk to Chuuya, or even approach him. He was the only member of the Flags who was not present when Verlaine struck, and thus the only one alive. He was incredibly close to them, you know, because you yourself were close to them, to him. Barely anyone had spoken a word to him, not even the boss. His aura was such that if you even dared to approach him, you’d probably either have your lungs squashed by gravity, or his own carefully crafted facade would break down. 

If, as someone who wasn’t even part of the Port Mafia or the Flags, you had been affected so badly, how was Chuuya coping? Was he? Yet, out of habit, you can’t help but keep an eye out for him. Silently, selfishly even, perhaps you’re hoping he can find it in himself to forgive you.

The foreign investigator has shown up again, looking much too cheerful for someone entering a funeral, and goes straight to Chuuya. You can feel that he’s pissed off, but a few words from Mori, and Chuuya stands up in a forced manner, going to leave with the detective. 

You manage to meet his gaze finally, but you don’t think you’d ever be prepared for it. His eyes bored straight into yours, eyes that had once looked at you with mirth and laughter, and dare you say it, love, eyes that were always an open gateway to his emotions. They held nothing but silent accusations, hidden anger, all pointing their sharp ends towards you. Not a single friendly feeling. 

Not a word is exchanged as he walks right past you, but there’s no need to. You’ve gotten the silent message he’s sending you crystal clear- he will never forgive you for this.

You think you deserve it fully, you understand. Even now. How twisted, really, but you got it. When he lost the Flags, he lost a part of himself too, but he still remembered you. And remembering you was a constant reminder of them, of your failure to save them, of the pain that came with. 

Though it hurt you, you knew that distancing yourself from him was the best thing to do. If you pursued him again, there was no telling what he might end up doing, but it certainly wouldn’t end well. Chuuya likely knew this too, and he clearly didn’t want you to come back. So you wouldn’t. This funeral would be the last time you associated with the Port Mafia, and thus Chuuya, even if it hurt you to do so. But again, considering feelings is what gets you killed in this world, and you’d rather not die so soon, although you actually don’t mind. 

And well, what did it matter if somewhere, sometime, Chuuya secretly wished you’d ask him to return?

********

Visiting their graves has become a monthly thing to you, due to your inability to let the past stay in the past. Perhaps its your own, guilty way of attempting to make amends, perhaps its your way of keeping their memory engraved in your mind, perhaps its to ensure that they aren’t forgotten, even if you know well they will never be. Deep inside, its a way for you to mourn the dead, as well as the loss of the living. 

You bring flowers every time, stay a while, occasionally leave something for them. Sometimes, you talk to them, sometimes you apologise over and over again, sometimes you stay silent, letting your thoughts still for a while. If nothing else, you just stared at the small rose plants that were growing there, one behind each of the five graves. It always amazed you, that such a delicate flower could grow in such a barren place. It sure seemed like they’d be blooming soon, and whenever you visited, you always made sure to check on them.

Time passes, but the wounds do not heal from inside, they just scab over, concealing the pain at first glance. You’ve gotten better at hiding it, yes, but that does not make it any better. You’ve become stronger, risen in rank as an assassin, honed your skills further. You’ve become reputed for carrying out your tasks in a swiftly lethal, unclouded way that left no traces. Almost a year has already gone by since the incident, and you still havent forgiven yourself. Nor has Chuuya.

That’s why, on their death anniversary, when you feel his cold gaze on you for the first time in a whole year when you were at their graves, you don’t hesitate to get up and start to leave. It’s best for him to not see you again. You’ve cut off all contact with the Port Mafia, except for when you occasionally got hired by them, and even then you finished it quickly, wasting no time. Interacting with no one. 

So that’s why it surprises you, when he holds up a hand, walking past you to lay the flowers on their graves. “You can stay.” He speaks emotionlessly, not looking at you. He sounds older, more mature, which was to be expected, you supposed. You remain standing where you are for a few moments, not facing him as he walks over and sits behind one of the graves. “As long as you aren’t doing anything wrong, of course.” He adds. At that, you sit in front of the grave he’s leaning against, replying quietly with a “No, I was merely paying my respects.”

It was anyways evening when you came, soon, the moon starts its ascent through the sky, as silence settles between the two of you. Not a word is exchanged between the two of you as you sit on opposite sides of the same grave, in each other’s company. The only people who could truly understand each other’s pain and suffering.

You settle for silently staring at the roses. Small buds have formed, but they don’t look well- its as if the whole plant is starting to wilt, little by little. They haven’t flowered even once yet,and you wondered if those roses would bloom before the plant died. Could they? After all, the weather was changing- it was raining more often these days. Maybe they couldn’t take it. Even now, a light drizzle had started as you sat, but it took you some time to realise, because you didn’t feel the rain at all, only noticing the faint red hue around. You didn’t mention it, nor did Chuuya.

Perhaps, whatever once could have been between you and the guy opposite you was symbolised by those roses- it could have bloomed, if given the chance, but life abandoned it,  left it to wilt in the aftermath of the storm. Any possible chances for you two were like the beloved ones who had left you now- six feet under the ground, dead, marked by a grave. This was merely the hand that fate dealt you, you had no choice but to accept it

********

“I can’t see the moon tonight.”. You murmur, almost to yourself, as you remain seated against the graves. It had been years, and even till now, neither of you had stopped coming to the grave to pay your respects, you arriving first every time and waiting for him. Your own visits weren’t monthly anymore due to life, more sporadic, but you still did visit from time to time, and you know Chuuya did too. And every year, on the fateful day that the incident happened, both of you never failed to show up, at the same time. Sometimes you exchanged a few words of greeting, a line or two about life. Other times you sat in silence till the moon’s glow started to dim, leaving as noiselessly as you came. Over time, this became your and Chuuya’s last remaining shared tradition out of all those that used to exist, your last link to each other. Seems like none of you was truly able to stay away from the other after all, huh?

“Say, Chuuya, next year, can you check for me whether the moon is visible or not? I feel like there really is something different about it on this day.” You ask him. He curtly replies, “Yeah no, you can do it yourself when you come back here. There’s no big deal about it anyways.” There’s no real bite in his words though, but it still saddens you. You wave it aside though, as you stare at the rose plants, like you always do. 

Over the years, those roses have wilted, died, and new plants have grown in their place. Not a single one of them ever bloomed though. You want to ask Chuuya to check on those plants next year too, but you don’t.

Tired from your day at work- it was more hectic and dangerous than usual- you lean against Chuuya’s shoulder. He remains motionless- he doesn’t push you away, but he certainly doesn’t pull you closer either. This is another thing you developed over the years- if either of you felt like you needed a shoulder on that day, the other would offer it. And you wanted to do it one last time.

Eventually, you two get up and brush yourselves off, preparing to part ways. You can’t help but let your gaze linger on Chuuya’s for a second more than usual as you open up your umbrella- it always does rain on this day, but today it seemed a bit gentler yet stronger- as if the skies were quietly lamenting over what was to come. 

Right before he left, he quietly spoke, the whisper floating between you. “Don’t think everything’s alright between us, because it isn’t.” He always does say something like this before he leaves every time, and again, there’s no real bite or meaning behind those words, just a formality he wishes to continue. 

You let a sad smile rest on your face as you gazed at him, before responding, “Don’t worry, I know.”

“Take care, Chuuya.”

As you started walking off alone, feeling Chuuya’s eyes still on you, ensuring your safety like the gentleman he was, you wondered if you had truly tied all the remaining loose ends of your thread of life, or did you still have regrets? It was very likely- no one could say they died without any regrets at all. And besides, no one’s end was written in stone, unless they carved it themselves. Sometimes, you couldn’t help but wonder if it was ever all too much for you.

The next morning, you call your boss to let him know that you’re ready to take on the mission. It was an important one, involving both a long period of infiltration for gathering valuable intel, and then the assassination of the target at the end. It was a high-risk mission too, but you were used to those, weren’t you?

Why would this mission be any different?

*********

Another year rolled past. This year, Chuuya hadn’t been able to visit the graves at all after the first two-three months because he had been sent overseas for a long-term mission. During the months he’d been in Yokohama, he hadn’t caught a glimpse of you- of course he hadn’t, he made sure to avoid the days you came, preferring to merely see the traces of yourself you left and leaving his own. After that he only got the chance to return there on their next death anniversary, and even for that he had to fight tooth and nail. He was a man of actions, and he would never be the one to break the tradition.

But he’d never imagined that you would break it either. You too were a person who valued actions, or had you changed over the years? 

His sharp eyes scanned the graves cautiously, but there was not a single trace of you. The only life around were the rose plants, not a soul in sight.

Rage, resentment and hints of sorrow bubbled up in him, taking him by storm as he strode over and angrily sat down by one of the graves. He was silent the entire night, letting his rush of emotions subside, staring at the gates as if he was expecting you to suddenly pop out. He stared at the moon, and at the roses. Did you not notice that they were about to bloom when you last visited? Because they were in full bloom that night, for the first time in years, delicate, fragrant petals shining in the moonlight. The moon, too, looked beautiful that night, a full moon surrounded by clouds. It was raining, heavier than usual, but the moon was never hidden. A memory entered his mind- last year, you had asked him to check whether the moon was visible this year.

“Well, it’s visible, and it sure is beautiful, but you didn’t even show up. Why?” He bitterly spoke out loud.

In the soft blowing wind that accompanied the rain, a stray lone rose petal lying on the ground gently floated in air, appearing as ethereal as smoke. He rose up to leave- you clearly weren’t showing up- eyes following the petal as it blew about, landing on a grave not of the Flags, but right beside, almost as if the deceased had specifically asked it to be there. It seemed relatively new too, for he hadn’t seen it the last time he’d been here. He walked over to it, to read what was written on the gravestone.

A moment passed, then another. And another. And Chuuya doesn’t know how long he spent there, kneeling in front of it. He was slowly getting drenched, because his ability had deactivated itself at some point of the night, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was the neatly written words staring back at him, taunting him.

At some point, he understood why he was alone that night. Why you weren’t there to give him company, solace that night. It was because you couldn’t, and so you’d left whatever remained of yourself there, beside him, beside them, eternally. He just hadn’t known.

He could barely breathe, he wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to, because his chest felt so heavy then. Eventually, he noticed where the petal had landed- it was a small letter, slightly wet and yellowed, kept in such a way that the rain wouldn’t destroy it. Someone must have kept it there on your request, and so he took it  out, eyes taking in the faintly smudged but still intelligible words.

‘I’m sorry, Chuuya, for everything. I hope you can forgive me someday, even if I myself never could. Thank you for staying with me, for existing.

-Love, [Y/N]’

A silent tear slipped out of his eye, then another. “Idiot.” he whispered, voice cracking. “You’ve always been too hard on yourself. I think I forgave you a long time ago, I guess I just never wanted to acknowledge it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being too late.”

“And don’t worry, the moon looks beautiful tonight, and so do the roses. They’ve finally bloomed. I think you would have loved to see them, wouldn’t you?”

this took me ages to write, but i hope u like it hehehe anyways votes, reblogs and comments are really very much appreciated <333

#skylia's works #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd fic #bsd fanfic #bsd chuuya #chuuya nakahara #bsd nakahara #chuuya #nakahara chuuya #bsd chuuya nakahara #chuuya x reader #bsd x reader #chuuya angst #nakahara chuuya angst #nakahara chuuya x reader angst #nakahara chuuya x reader #bsd angst #chuuya fanfic #bungou stray dogs chuuya #bungou stray dogs fanfic

[fayrinferno]

The (printed) collection

From time to time I get a question like, "do you have this or that book?" So, a few weeks back, I finally took them all out of their hiding place and grabbed some photos. Wish I had used my camera instead of phone, I had to stand on a chair to get it all and yeah, the picture is not the sharpest.

Anyway, I have some other stuff, figures and such, although I admittedly DO focus more on books as an artist/writer/translator. These books are the ones I translate from so I wasn't going for mint conditions, although a few of them are. You can see some of them still packed in the store bags. I included the CDs cause... well, they were next to the books and they do have some printed material as well.

The Shiren Suiki book gets a separate photo cause after taking the photos at home I realized I had left it at work when I scanned it... practically crying as I did cause it was barely opened when I bought it and it's a beautiful book. My Anvils are also very fragile.

I may do a complete list one day but for now, here are the quick descriptions.

ARTBOOKS & FANBOOKS I have pretty much all of the major official books I think, missing maybe 1-2 pieces. The one that may look less familiar is Hiroshi Osaka's personal artbook. I also have four of the relevant Nobuteru Yuuki artbooks. The bottom right one with the orange title is the issue of Newtype Magazine with a feature about Esca.

SMALLER BOOKS (let's pretend that's a category) Here I got all the novels (they are out of their sleeves cause I was working on them), all the filmbooks, Secrets of Escaflowne, Escaflowne Bible, and the Energist Memories manga/doujin collection.

DOUJINSHI I was mostly going for stuff I haven't seen online so I only got a handful. Besides the Shiren Suiki book, there are three Minato Tajima doujins (one of them is racy heh but I'm not hiding that I have it). One of the other doujins may look unfamiliar; it's a compilation book that includes other series (the character on the cover is from DN Angel). People who talk to me on Discord probably recognize the Nanoka doujinshi cover.

CDs AND THE LIKE I don't have all the soundtracks for some reason, probably cause I thought the missing ones wouldn't be hard to get. The PSX game is the special edition with the tarot cards. The LDs that I literally bought just for the covers and inlays. I also have all the audio dramas, some CDs with extras... and a phone card that was for some reason packed in a CD case lol (kidding, it's precious that they would give it that kind of protection). Oh, and there are two movie posters which I guess don't fall under either category.

I have some other stuff that is kinda related to Esca "by association" such as by artist or things that "looked similar" but I didn't include them. Also the figures. I may update this post with those but this is the brunt of it. I will be posting some goodies from these soon!

Same goes for the ongoing translations that I've been doing updates on in this post. Life is too short to delay them for months and years because of perfectionism, or rather, being self conscious about one's imperfect language skills. I am thankful to everyone who has helped me so far, proofreading my translations (coverteyes, pikafwance, sevenstars, and radical-rad1986)... I'm not tagging you guys but know that I'm VERY grateful, also to the other people who are helping me with other projects). I always had fun working together with you but it's no longer sustainable and I likely bit off more than I can chew. So I will get myself out of the way. There are two books that are almost complete as of today so I will just probably go chapter by chapter. I hope to be done with this asap but also December is a busy month for me so I'm not sure how smoothly it will go. Let's hope it does.

#escaflowne #anime merchandise #artbook #fanbook #doujinshi

[picturejasper20]

Danny Phantom:A Glitch in Time-Vlad Masters Character analysis

A Glitch in Time puts Vlad Masters in a different role that he has been always presented in the main show: Instead of the main antagonist role, he acts more as anti-hero protagonist in the graphic novel story. He joins forces with Danny, Sam and Tucker and works together with them to look for the true source of ghost power and defeat Dan Phantom.

Having in mind that ¨A Glitch in Time¨ takes place around a month after the events of Phantom Planet, Masters finds himself having lost all the political power, social position and control he built for decades, either by using his powers to steal money or manipulating people around him. In addition to this, everyone knows his identity as ghost and what kind of person he really is now, meaning he is considered an enemy everyone and basically everyone hates him.

As he explains to Danny: ¨But upon arrival, I realized… i have nothing left to return to¨. In this context he wasn’t only refering to political power and money he had, he was refering to the fact that now he was truly alone, no one missed him nor wanted him around, since they knew what kind of person he was. Even the ones that considered him their best friend, Maddie and Jack, hated him. For once, Vlad couldn’t put the blame in anybody else for his situation but himself.

The issue is that at the start of the graphic novel Masters knows that he did something wrong to end up in this situation but he didn’t know what he did wrong. He still hadn’t fully reconsidered how his obsession with being in control and manipulative behaviour pushed everyone away and how going back in time wasn’t going to fix his actions. Clockwork pointed out how Vlad had many times to do the right think and instead choose to be obsessed with getting revenge and control others.

If there is one way i would define Vlad in this story is ¨lost¨: It feels like he isn’t sure of what he wants to do or what he wants to be, like there is a part of him that wants things to go back the used to be while other part of him doesn’t want to be in the ¨villain role¨ anymore. And, because he doesn’t want to deal with these thoughts, he comes up with this idea to look for this original source of ghost power as a way to distract himself for having to think of this emptiness he feels now, much like he always did when it came to dealing with his own loneliness, always looking for some new power to fill the void he had.

One thing i would argue, is that Masters was already changing in some ways when he went to Danny for help. He expressed to be more aware of how his actions were affecting others, such as acknowledging that he was ¨the last person who Danny wanted to see¨ and half admitting he shared the blame for the timeline being in danger since he accidentally freed Dan Phantom. As it was discussed earlier, Vlad was aware that he did something something wrong, just not what was it.

To expand in this point more, Vlad never does anything that could be considered ¨evil¨ while working with the heroes. He never makes jokes about Jack or makes comments about how he is going to make Danny turn into his pupil. Even when he complains a few times, he is shown to be quite collaborative with Danny and the rest. In part, this could be because he knows better than to argue against the person he went to ask for help, but it still interesting aspect to analyse.

Another thing worth of analysing are his reactions to seeing Danny being supported and appreciated by his friends and family. He is shown to be annoyed or confused when he sees this happening. While it is not explained, it could be a sign of jealousy from his part as Danny has people that care about him and help him, something he wished he had. It could also remind him of how he used to be friends with Jack and Maddie and how things went wrong between them. Some people have pointed out that these moments are one of the things that leads to Vlad to change his old ways later in the story, pushing him to be a better person.

Now there are two crucial things that leads to Vlad to finally rexamine his past actions and to start to redeem himself: 1) Learning about the truth origin of ghost powers 2) Learning about Dan and his origins, specially in the final fight

Lets talk about these scenes in separate points:

1) Learning about the truth origin of ghost powers

After the protagonists listen to Tucker PDA’s translation of the old runes they found, they learn that ghost and human world used to be connected or be ¨one¨ and were separated. That ghosts in some way are manifestations of human emotions, such as sadness, love and wrath. While the teens discuss the meaning behind the runes, Vlad goes through a bit of…  a mental breakdown to put it lightly.

¨This is RIDICULOUS! Where´s the rest of it? () ¨Great question, Daniel! What Am I doing? I wasted years of my life piecing together clues for the ultimate power source and for what? Story time?¨

Unlike Danny, Vlad seems to struggle a lot at first with the idea of emotions being the true source of ghost energy. He considers the idea too ¨ridiculous¨ to be real and treats it as it was a child story. And this is not that surprising to see since he was expecting some type of artifact or powerful weapon instead of something more abstract.

It does makes sense for Vlad to not understand this idea at first because he is more logical driven and he isn’t that connected to his emotional part like Danny is. The runes talk about being ¨finding yourself¨, as in the sense that a ghost should examine what they really want to do or be or they could get lost in the process. This is an ability that Master lost over time as he got more and more consumed by his obsession over his past and ways to fill his own loneliness.

Danny talks about how he doesn’t want to ¨hunt ghosts¨ and instead wants to be a bridge between human and ghost worlds to help both human and ghosts. He gets his powers back like they used to be before he lost his emotional drive. After Vlad sees evidence of what the teens were discussing,he starts to have some real changes on his character. Vlad realizes that emotions and purposes are what drives ghosts and it isn’t a simple old silly story.

While that is a bit open up to interpretation what is going on in Vlad’s mind when he sees Danny getting back his powers, it is easy to see that itself inspires him to revalue what he really wants for himself and if what he has been doing so far has been making him happy or miserable. It someway it leads him to think about himself and what has he been doing until now with his own life, the same way that Danny did to find a new emotional purpose.

What’s more, Masters seems to have a new found respect for Danny after this event. He is seen saving and protecting him multiple times in their battle against Dan Phantom. He treats Danny as more of an equal than someone to turn into his pupil. This could be because, unlike him, Danny was able to figure out way quicker how the nature of ghosts powers worked and didn’t considered the legend a joke. Another aspect is that Vlad starts to see himself as a ¨bridge between the human and ghost world¨ and how instead of fighting Danny he should be helping him and supporting him. As both being ghost-human hybrids, they should work together to fix this issue.

I talked more about these moments in here. (Also, there is a comment that explains well the last point)

2) Learning about Dan and his origins, specially in the final fight

When Vlad first meets Dan he learns about how Dan is part of Danny’s ghost half and his ghost half, Plasmius and he is from another timeline. This moment itself doesn’t trigger an important change in Vlad’s character as more than he learns what Dan is.

It’s during the final fight that there is a moment Dan provokes Plasmius while he is beating him down. He tells Vlad that he made him and how this is what ¨he always wanted¨. Dan gives Vlad a terrible physical and emotional beatdown that makes Vlad finally realize how obsession with getting power was so self-destructive and how part of himself is what makes Dan act the way he does, having to ¨see himself in a mirror¨.

There is also a lot of Vlad always wishing for Daniel to join him and becoming his pupil and him seeing the results of what he ¨wanted¨ in here: The results being an very powerful version of Danny who destroys everything in his path and with no sense of morals. Making Vlad realize that he doesn’t want Danny to be like this or turn into someone like that.

In a brief moment Vlad begs for Dan to stop saying these things and says ¨that was a different me¨, trying to separate himself from the alternative version of himself who accidentally created Dan Phantom. Dan reminds Masters that he isn’t any different and his goals were still the same as his alternative version.This is what i personally consider the final ¨push¨ that Vlad’s character need to decide to not go back the way he used to be and to start making amends for his very selfish and controlling actions.

It is seeing what he could become-and Daniel had he joined him- if he had continued this path, something that is even too far and cruel even for someone like him.

Finding a new purpose

When Dan is about to destroy Danny, Danny asks him ¨Why you are so angry?¨, Dan tries to deny that he has emotions like anyone else and he has ¨transended that weakness¨. Suddenly Vlad transforms into Plamius and tells Dan that his wrong since half of him, the Plasmius part, is ¨full of fear¨.

Then what follows is a struggle between Vlad and Dan’s powers and Vlad admitting how his obsession with controlling others drove everyone away, including his close friends Jack and Maddie.

¨Why amass all this power?¨ ¨For control!¨ ¨Why control others?¨ ¨So no one else leaves…¨

¨All i ever wanted was love, but my quest for power drove everyone away. Maddie, Jack… and even young Daniel¨.

This is what Vlad has always been at his core: A broken man that since the accident back in his collegue years and being abandoned by his close friends in a time of need (at least from what it has been implied), became obsessed with being in control of his relationships with others so nobody else could leave him behind again or he couldn’t be hurt again. This is something that often happens with characters that have had things that made their lives spiral out of control, usually as result of being hurt by someone they cared about. To compensante for that lack of control they had in their lives, they try to control people or their own relationships, because they are afraid of being abandoned or hurt again.

Vlad Masters became consumed by this desire to be in control and as result he pushed everyone away. He always looked for something almost every person wants: Being loved and accepted by others. The issue is that he chose the most toxic ways to do this, hurting people that cared about him or could have been potential friends/allies.

And, as a way to distract himself from these feelings of emptiness, he always looked for more and more power- but that was never enough because it wasn’t what truly would make him happy. This is why in the series his arc was about self-desctruction, until he was left with no one that cared about him and finally ending up truly alone. You can see this habit come up again in the graphic novel, as he suggested to find the source of ghost power. Because it was a way to distract his mind from his real issues and having to think about himself. It could be in part that Vlad thought that if he could gain some power, he could be in control again and then he didn’t have to be alone, that things could back they used to be before the Disasteroid.

After Vlad comes in terms with how the problem has always been himself, he decides that his new purpose is going to start making amends and redemming himself for his past actions, leaving behind his obsession to be in control. He helps Danny and they fight together against Dan, defeating him in the process.

Helping Dan

Some moments after Dan gets defeated, he starts to destabilize since he has been outside the timestream for too long.Danny, Vlad and Clockwork discuss if t it is a good idea to trap Dan inside the thermos again until they are interrupted by Dan crying and begging to not be left trapped inside the thermos as he doesn’t want to be alone again.

In a rare moment, Plasmius sympathizes with Dan Phantom, he transforms and frees the ghost, offering his body as a temporal host until they are able to find a way to stabilize him. He expresses that he relates himself to Dan’s fear of being alone and, just like him, he has lost everything in his own timeline no other than by his own hands.

This is important coming from Vlad, a character who was defined by his selfishness and exploiting others for his own gain, showing to be selfless and empathizing with someone’s else pain. As he points out to Danny, he is trying to do the right thing for once, which is taking accountability of his actions and helping another person. Vlad explains to both Dan and Danny that this gesture is a way for him to apologize for his actions and showing that he regrets hurting both of them. He wants to give Dan a ¨second chance¨ and asks Danny if he could give another chance to make things right to him too. Dan accepts the offer, using Vlad’s body as a temporal host.

What it is interesting about this scene is that Vlad asks Danny for a second chance, but he doesn’t ask for his forgiveness. While he apologizes for how much he hurt him, he respects Danny’s choice of not forgiving him or still hating him, showing that he knows that Danny has a right to dislike him after everything he putt he boy through. It’s a good way of demostrating that he has still a long way to go for making up for his actions and he understand this.

I talked a bit more in detail about this scene and why is pretty good in here

Vlad is last seen with Clockwork transfering Dan to one of Danny’s clones that was in Vlad’s lab. Clockwork explains to Vlad that Dan is ¨his responsibility now¨ as even his time powers have a limit. The ending suggest that Dan ends up being taken care of and probably adopted by Vlad, acting as a father figure for him and having the opportunity to be a teenager and have a family again.

In conclusion

Vlad Masters’ character arc in ¨A Glitch in Time¨ is about him realizing that he doesn’t want to be in ¨villain role¨ anymore and having to face the fact that he is the reason he ended up alone and pushed everyone away. Despite of trying to distract himself from this by seeking a new source of power, at the end he realices that his manipulative behaviour made everyone, including himself, miserable.

It’s worth of noting that his arc in this story isn’t a full redemption arc but the start of one. He starting to make amends for his past actions by awknologing what he did wrong and taking care of Dan, who was accidentally freed by Vlad in first place. It’s clear that he has still a lot to make up for and it’s going to take him a long time for him to do that. He is now guardian and ¨parent¨ of Dan. Vlad always dreames with having a family, specially raising up someone who was human-ghost hybrid like him. Now he is going to have to learn what is like to be a father and taking care of someone with a complicated past as his child.

#Danny phantom #danny phantom a glitch in time #Vlad Masters #danny fenton #Dan Phantom #Dp analysis #character analysis

[eternalflashh]

reflection ; aspiration

neuvillette / furina (platonic or romantic, your pick) | 999 words

“There’s been an uproar in rumors, you know,” says Brigitte, a relaxed countenance accompanied by the darkening night. “Regarding the Hydro Archon—whether she has truly died. They say—“

“—the Hydro Archon faked her death, and is really just shirking her duties? I’ve heard,” the Iudex hums. There isn’t any trial scheduled for the day, so the court of Erinnyes is considerably empty. The winter air blows pleasantly past them, the fountains by the court lazily reaching for the skies. “The idea isn’t particularly new, either. Even the light novel writer who popularized it admitted she drew inspiration from past research that was buried in the depths of Meropide.”

“That explains your lack of surprise. But if the idea managed to persist through time…”

“Perhaps only testifies to how tempting the idea is, to humans—to those who cannot accept loss so easily.”

Neuvillette’s steps slowed down before the Fountain of Lucine, Brigitte following suit. It’s one of the few things in Fontaine that has observed significant change since the Hydro Archon’s resignation; the Chief Justice had been quite insistent on retaining everything in Fontaine as they were, as if the god had never left. Truly, life had continued with all of Fontaine still worshiping their god, no matter that she had become human. No matter that she had passed.

The Fountain of Lucine blooms ever the brighter in the night, water gleaming cyan with a power of Hydro that exists nowhere else. Water sprites swirl around the fountain, crooning a gentle melody, heard only to those with particular affinity. 

It’s a wonderful night to treat your friends out to a meal, speaks the teasing voice. Whether the voice is real or simply a figment of his imagination, Neuvillette refuses to discern. Turn back before it is too late—or I will splash you with a rage that rivals the Tulpa’s.

The Champion Duelist remains silent. Then, “I don’t suppose you are so much different than us, in that regard.”

“I don’t make up stories to convince myself she’s alive,” Neuvillette chuckles, but his eyes are still fixated on the statue before him. 

“You don’t. You make a shrine of her—a sentient image—that should remind everyone of her existence, her divinity, her sacrifice. An eternal reminder that serves as your company when she is no more.”

The water swims around Furina’s curtseying figure, before resting upon the pool with a splash. “I believe the difference lies in that I have thoroughly accepted her death. I am… remembering her for the life she’s lived, not spun-up tales about boasted magnificence, or a selfishness to her that never existed.”

“Yet you pray, like she's to come save you.” Brigitte laughs, but it is pitiful. “I believe that is your own manner of delusion.”

“Is that what it is, to you?” Neuvillette lets out a gentle smile, running a hand through the diaphanous waters. “Here I thought I’d simply been reminiscing.”

The skies let out its first teardrops; like this has happened one too many times, Brigitte quickly pulls out her umbrella, shielding herself from the rain. Neuvillette, as always, takes the rain as it is—lets it run down the length of his hair, the edges of his coat, his gloved fingertips. 

“I’ll take my leave for the day, then,” the duelist says in greeting. Neuvillette lets out a hum, barely casting a glance her way. She turns, but pauses just then.

“You say this is reminiscence, to you.”

“Yes, indeed.”

“Why is it that you reminisce of her, when it is your birthday?”

The trickle of rain against the stone road fills the air. Neuvillette hardly budges, gazing still at the fountain, the statue, the vigorous waters, the glowing waters, holding moonlight in its palm. 

“What do you do on your birthday, Brigitte?”

“We commemorate our lives, how far we’ve come,” she responds in an instant, “and make wishes for the upcoming year, what’s more to come.”

Neuvillette then turns to her, granting her a small smile. “Isn’t the Fountain of Lucine perfect for such notions? For reflection, for aspiration?”

Brigitte raises an eyebrow. There seems to be a question barred behind her gaze, but she shakes her head, and gives him a nod, before walking towards the station, leaving the Chief Justice to his own company. His own, and the spirits of the fountain before him.

You are hopeless, it seems to be saying. A fine night, and you ruin it with rain and gloom.

Neuvillette takes his gloves off, lets himself feel the touch of benevolent waters. He lets the fountain dance, feeling currents run through his fingers, feeling its poison, feeling its kiss. 

He closes his eyes. 

In his mind, indeed, are plenty of memories. Of banter in the court from the Iudex and the Hydro Archon’s respective seats. Of watching Furina dance on stage, him holding his heart with the utmost admiration. Of distress, seeing Furina shrieking over the smallest critters, running over the smallest problems. Of all the times Furina would question his faith in her—to retrospectively understand the fear that underlied her accusations, the desperation in her violence.

Neuvillette would spend hours in the rain doing this—to replay each memory, four hundred years worth of a performance; to learn why she had chosen to act the scene in that specific way, to appreciate it all belatedly. The show is over, but Neuvillette has plenty of time going ahead anyway—if there is anything he owes her, if there is anything he can do, as the specially invited audience—it’s to learn.

To learn, to praise, to immortalize. 

The skies betray his heart, thundering and pouring through the night, swallowing the full moon with its weight. But Neuvillette stays by the fountain, letting it dance to its heart’s content until it decides to rest. 

What is the meaning of my existence? He’s had to ask for centuries. 

This, he’s realized. To be your witness, to be the arbiter of true Justice, for past, present, and for all of the lightless future.

#his birthday letter. took me out within two sentences #happy birthday neuvillette #thank you to my baguette obsessed bestie for the French name ova there #neuvillette #furina #focalors #neuvirina #neuvifuri #focallette #genshin impact #drabelles

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

Once more exorcising spirits or using them like WWX does, doesn't stop them from reincarnation, you all gotta stop this when the only thing that is said is if resurrected WWX doesn't fulfill his "term" HIS primordial soul is forever destroyed based on the usual points of Mo Dao usage that is performed by everyone else that is not Wei Wuxian (i.e. Jin Guangyao, Mo Xuanyu, Xue Yang and Su She).

The nature of this “sacrificial ritual” was a type of curse. The caster was to harm themselves with a weapon, making cuts on their body and using their own blood to draw the array and write the spells within. They would then sit in the center of the circle and give up their mortal body to evil spirits, using the annihilation of their soul as the price to summon a nefarious, malicious ghost. This was all done in order to request the fulfillment of a wish. Thus, it was the opposite of “possession.”

This is the part that I can see confusing others, but, with doaist belief, there are several souls, the human (living one, the three hun and seven po that remain in death). Mo Xunayu did not sacrifice his right of reincarnation just the living one he had at the time, and frankly the one that is cared about in the moment as that is where karma is accrued in order to be judged throughout the circles of Diyu until a soul is purged clean to enter their next reincarnation cycle, samsara. Your karma only follows you based on what you did in your wordly life in consequence and a soul is thusly free to garner further negativity or, better itself to enter the next samsara. When it comes to the Po that stay it can be for any reason, and are liable to rise apart from the "human" as they are only the emotions left at the time of death or, of the "human" daily actions that were strongest. Once the hun souls (these ARE essentially the parts of the person that are essential in spirit and is the primordial existence of that life) are all reunited within Diyu, the human can move on. The Pocan still roam the world and why funerary rights and respect are performed and met.

While both were forbidden magics of ill repute, the difference was that the former was much less popular than the latter. After all, few wishes were so strongly desired as to make someone willingly sacrifice everything they had. This was why the technique had been nearly lost after centuries of disuse. The examples recorded in ancient books had only a handful of cases that were backed by reliable evidence, and every single one of them had been for revenge. Every malicious ghost summoned by the ritual had fulfilled the caster’s wishes perfectly, in cruel and bloody ways.

He also did not make anything to do with this ritual or any of the actual mo dao curses (a whole one which we see in book which is the one hundred holes and what it's backlash is for Su Shi using it). What Mo Xuanyu does is also true Mo Dao as it is manipulating the primordial spirit self of another and his human existence. It is a disruption of several Samsara and consequence that will be righted, good or bad for either. Wei Wuxian's cycle just started anew sooner as he was given life again and paid for his karma with his previous death, as reiterated through the novel and himself. Mo Xuanyu has only swapped their places in samsara and death and life.

But the tough thing was, the Sacrificial Ritual followed the will of the caster first and foremost. So it didn’t matter how much he objected… He was already inside this body, which was a silent acknowledgement that both parties had formed a contract. He had to fulfill the wish of the caster, or the curse would rebound, destroying the possessor’s primordial spirit and extinguishing it forever.

Following the rules of karma and Samsara, Mo Xuanyu already gave his place in the human world, he fulfilled his part of the ritual as needed and will eventually reincarnate based on whatever karma he accrued in that life. Wei Wuxian still has to fulfill the wants of that sacrifice before he is free to do as he wants as his primordial humanity is what will be destroyed, the part that always is made to enter Diyu in order to reincarnate.

In all of this, it is not gui dao, as gui dao uses what is already in existence in order to be used with the many Po souls that can arise and still be found in the likes of graves and disturbed places. Po can be disturbed even after years of rest and why you also do not bring negativity into temples, ancestral worship places and areas, or the graves itself. Po being the emotionality left to the world are prone to aggression and can make themselves rise as jiangshi 僵尸, stiff corpse, or as the work calls mutations of them 走尸, zou shi, walking corpse and 凶尸, xiong shi, fierce corpse. None of these retain human characteristics other than the po it relies on that already have existed before Wei Wuxian was present.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wei wuxian #it's text and minerals

[active-mind-15]

Headcanons for Akashi laughing 🤭

Back with another headcanon post. Hooray for chronic Akashi brainrot! Lemme make this quick so I can go to bed.

As we all know, for most of the manga/anime, Akashi is someone who is portrayed as a serious, analytical, and (depending on which personality is in control) cold person. But he wasn't/isn't always like that as we've come to realize. Let me explore his character chronologically through the canon material before I get into my headcanons so we can establish some things about his personality.

When he was a child, he was seen to be much more of a smiley person because while his mother was still alive she allowed him to just be a kid. So I'm sure he had plenty to smile about before her passing.

After that, Akashi enrolls in Teiko, and at age 13 he still smiles, but they're smaller and he seems more mild-mannered and reserved compared to when he was younger. However, that doesn't mean his smiles aren't genuine. He still had happy moments in Teiko up until his second year, and he enjoyed hanging out with the rest of the GoM + Kuroko and Momoi. But we still never really saw him laugh. I'm sure he did during those times, but it was never anything that was shown explicitly.

After he switched personalities, he was barely smiling at all. Bro was miserable. He would smile every once in a while but in more of an unhinged way if that makes sense. Maybe he chuckled once when he met Mayuzumi. If you can even call it a chuckle. It was more like he puffed out a breath of air. And again, it was in more of an unhinged way. I remember in one of the Replace novels, Mibuchi made an observation that before Akashi switched back to his true self, he could never tell if his smile was genuine or if he was simply using it as a tool to get others to let their guard down. This is what I mean by "unhinged".

But post-Winter Cup? Akashi is nothing but smiley and I love that for him. Obviously, it's still slightly toned down, but it's a much better improvement from both his first year at Rakuzan AND his entire Teiko run. He seems to have just finally given up on facades and allowed himself to be more open with how he feels, which has canonically led to his teammates seeing sides of Akashi they'd never seen before.

In the post-Winter Cup content, I've seen him chuckle a lot more, and his voice when he chuckles is the most precious thing ever and I wish I could hear more of it. But that takes care of the canon, so let's get into my headcanons, shall we?

First of all, what makes Akashi laugh? Well, from the canon, we've seen that most of the time, it's when he's watching his teammates' antics and chuckles in amusement. But if you really want to make him laugh, I feel like, similar to my headcanons on how to startle Akashi, you'd have to catch him off guard. Like, you'd have to say or do something so ridiculous and left-field that it catches Akashi off guard and makes him laugh out of the sheer unexpectedness of it all.

So, how would Akashi look when he laughs? It would depend on how hard he's laughing. If it's one of those cute lil chuckles he does, he has this small smile on his face and his eyes sparkle with fondness. But if you're lucky enough to get an unrestrained laugh out of Akashi, chances are either his head is tilted back or his shoulders are hunched as he's bent over trying to catch his breath. He's probably not even looking at you either because when he laughs like that his eyes can't help but close. And his face crinkles in the most precious way.

How does he sound when he laughs? For small chuckles, we already have examples of this in canon; refer to the KNB drama CD season 3 volume 9 if you need a reference. But if he were to laugh really hard? Well, first of all, he pegs me as the type of person who would at first try and hold himself together before failing miserably.

I'm not sure if this counts as canon or not, but I remember a KNB video game where there was a scene where the GoM was reminiscing on some couple's costume event they were dragged into participating in back in Teiko, and Akashi had mentioned that when he saw Aomine in a dress and Midorima in a woman's kimono, he literally had to stop looking at them to keep from bursting into laughter.

Going off of that, if Akashi was caught off guard and found something really funny, he'd probably be like "PFFFT" before catching himself and trying to hide his growing smile behind his hand. But then it gets too hard to hold in his laugh so he gives up and just laughs wholeheartedly. The more funny something is, the harder it is to hold back, so if he's laughing really hard, you will absolutely hear it. He's not a super loud laugher like Kise or even Takao, but if he's laughing hard he's definitely not quiet about it. His voice sounds very melodic while he's laughing, too. He probably got that from his mom. 🥹

How do people react to him laughing? GoM + Momoi are more accustomed to seeing him happy/smiley, so when he laughs, they're more endeared by it, if anything, because it reminds them that Akashi is back to his old self. But his Rakuzan team (more specifically, the Uncrowned Kings) is still getting used to Akashi's true self and is figuring things out about him every day. So I would think that post-Winter Cup is when they hear Akashi properly laugh for the first time and all of them come to a nonverbal agreement that they must protect Akashi's smile at all costs. They also take note of things that Akashi finds amusing just for the sole purpose of using them to make him laugh again and see that adorable laughing face of his.

As time goes on and Akashi becomes more open, it's less and less difficult to get him to laugh, and he expresses himself much more freely compared to before. Happiness is a good look on him and his friends hope that he continues to stay this happy for a long time.

Alright, that was my rambling for the night finished. I need to sleep cuz I have class in the morning.

#I need to hear my baby laugh more on god #akashi is a precious human who deserves to smile to his heart's content #he's been through a lot and i think i would love to see him do nothing more than smile #anyway i hope y'all like that #kuroko no basket #knb headcanons #akashi seijuro

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 62 – The Ballad of Perilous Graves by Alex Jennings

This is the latest book I never would have heard of if it wasn’t for an award nomination (WFA for Best Novel, in this case). Overall, I was left dearly wishing I had liked it more than I did – it was so thoroughly soaked in imagery and references to a whole milieu I only barely know enough about to catch all the references flying over my head. Unfortunately by the final act the whole thing just collapses into a mess of spectacle without much in the way of connective tissue or context.

The story follows Perilous “Perry” Graves, his kid sister, and his best friend/crush Peaches (who is clearly an ersatz Pippy Longstocking but for some reason this is almost literally the only reference the book doesn’t explicitly acknowledge). They live in Nola, a fantastical alternate New Orleans full of zombies, animate graffiti, sky trolleys, and music that is indistinguishable from magic. After the magical songs that sustain the city escape/are stolen, it’s up to the three of them to get them back before Stagger Lee (the song) hunts down and kills the others for his mysterious partner. There’s also an extended subplot with Casey, a recently returned Katrina refugee in what seems to be our world, discovering that his and his cousin’s graffiti and other art is very literally magic and can come alive when he isn’t looking. Things just generally get messier and harder to explain from there.

Above everything else, the book’s a love letter to New Orleans. The sheer fascination and affection Jenning’s has for the place just about oozes out of every page. The geography and the culture and especially and overwhelmingly the art. Now I know barely anything about modern pop music and even less about classic jazz, but Jennings is either a massive fan or an incredibly confident bullshitter, and either way it’s an absolutely loadbearing part of the book – famous jazz musicians appear as magicians and ghosts, snatches and stanzas of different songs are quoted liberally, and of course the songs themselves are the driving engine of the plot. I, at least, just kind of let all the references wash over me and try to figure them out from context, and also started listening to the namedropped songs as I read. But even without really knowing the subject, the sheer love for the culture that just suffuses the book is really incredible endearing. Which is good, because it’s absolutely the main actual draw here.

The dialogue also deserves a shoutout – both because there’s a fun line you can draw between the characters that talk like actual people and the ones that intentionally present themselves like cartoon characters, and also because it’s the first book I can recall reading this year where people speak in AAVE. Plus, as a matter of style, when songs or certain ghosts were speaking telepathically the book used a different font for what they were saying, which is the sort of flourish that I always like when it’s not too overused.

While the surreal, exaggerated sort of magical absurdism works very well for the setting of Nola, the plot is...just kind of a mess. You almost get the sense the book was written in one sprint and then never revised – the protagonists are constantly getting help out of nowhere exactly as they need it to solve their latest problem, and revelations of plot critical information exactly when it’s needed to keep things moving abound, whether there’s any setup or justification for it or not. The metaphysics that underpin Nola are all vague and confused, which really wouldn’t be an issue if the entire third act didn’t turn on on the villain being wrong about them. The end result is a finale that feels like a bunch of big set piece scene the author had been looking forward to writing without any real connective tissue linking or supporting them.

Also, like – it is a major part of Perry’s arc that a year before the events of the book he had a run in with a monstrous caricature of a Jim Crow era hanging judge, and it has traumatized him sufficiently that he had steadfastly refused to try and do any magic since. The judge is later revealed to be an escaped bit of living graffiti, with absolutely zero relevance or deeper significance, and never appears on-screen again. Which just feels like some sort of narrative malpractice, honestly.

I’m also just left a bit disappointed with the villain – or, specifically, the wasted potential. Like, the idea of The Storm as this primeval elemental force that wants nothing more than to drown the world is a pretty great villain for a magical New Orleans, honestly. And there was something there of graffiti and music and just art being this engine of joyous hubris letting the city exist in defiance of its inevitable doom – but you really have to dig to get at it, and most of the other personal plots and heroes journey stuff burying it was far less compelling to me.

Anyway yeah, in the end this very much felt like it was style over substance, but on the other hand the style was excellent. In the end I kind of feel like this was ill-served as a book? Not that it’s necessarily impossible to write a novel that’s mostly about music, but this was really begging for a medium that could include a soundtrack.

#book review #the ballad of perilous graves #alex jennings #sff #urban fantasy

[dysiver]

So I finished The Earth is Online.

Lemme start by saying that I started this novel because a lot of ORV fans were saying that the MCs were similar and also their relationship was similar, let me say that this is all bullshit. The two MCs from The Earth is Online and the two MCs from ORV are completely different. They aren't even close to being the same in the slightest. Unless people think that smart people = all similar. So if someone tells you to read this novel cuz it is "similar" to ORV then you'll be highly disappointed.

With that out of the way The Earth is Online was great and a very fun read!

Tang Mo is a very easy-to-follow MC and the kind of guy that doesn't like dealing with bullshit. He is here to do one thing and one thing only: Survive. And he does this very well and in very entertaining ways. He isn't the kind of guy that likes to fuck around unless he's fucking someone over. He is also very serious most of the time and is only playful once he gets into a relationship with Fu Wendou. Without a doubt, he is following the stoic-cold and logical MC trope and I think he fills that role extremely well.

Fu Wendou is a cool and powerful ML and the secondary MC. He is calculating, smart, and very powerful. He is without a doubt busted, OP, and the one that highlights the MC Golden Halo the most, sometimes more than Tang MO. He is very tactical due to his military background but he also has an awkward fun side to him in which he likes to tell jokes but no one ever gets them or seems to understand that he is trying to joke. He is also a stoic-cold face and logical MC but add that to the fact that he's busted.

Honestly, when I first started reading this I wasn't sure how these two were going to get together when both of them pretty much share too many character tropes to the point that they feel far too similar at times, but that's the point. The two are very similar and that's why they work so well together and know how to fulfill a role that the other might be lacking and that's because they know each other so well.

Now, I say that I wasn't sure how the two were going to get together but to be honest, that isn't the point of the novel at all. The Earth is Online might be BL but it is obviously a novel that wishes to be a story first and foremost and not a romance or a trope of the BL genre. The Earth is Online cares more about the story than any of its characters and relationships and it shows. The novel is the strongest when they are playing deadly games, or when they are fighting the tower and the bosses and to be honest, that's what I was the most hyped about.

Yeah, sure, I wanted Fu Wendou and Tang Mo to develop their relationship but midway through the novel, it was obvious that this was gonna be a deadly, and hot slow burn. In fact, the relationship between Fu Wendou and Tang Mo starts very slow, and then steps on the gas and runs off a cliff cuz as it turns out the two are already into one another and once they find out who they are, the relationship develops even faster. Fu Wendou and Tang Mo aren't romantic either, and they aren't big on words, they have a few moments here and there but nothing that's praiseworthy tbh.

But I was having the most fun when reading the games they were playing and the deadly battles and that's why you should read The Earth is Online, because the core plot is amazing. Some of this shit was too high IQ for me and my pea brain but I was still so invested that I couldn't put the book down until I was done.

A solid 9/10 as a Shonen story, and a rough 6/10 as a BL. Finally a solid 8/10 as a whole. The reason why it isn't higher is cuz of the lack of character development and also the relationships in between characters felt too fragile at times, which I understand makes sense due to the setting but it still left you feeling thirsty for some kind of development or attachment.

If you read this expecting the gay Shit Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk have got going on then no, this isn't it chief, in fact Dokja and Joonghyuk are more romantic and gayer than these two gay men.

#Tang Mo #Fu Wendou #The Earth is Online

[stormdragon23]

Songs for Solo Leveling Ships Pt. 2

I was actually going to put these songs in the previous part, but it got too long-

Choibaek:

It's funny 'cause this song's actually in Japanese, not Korean-

"It's been a long time, without any news It's like our feelings are far apart Though I want to tell you, it won't come true anymore The distance between us, my wishes won't reach Still calling for you"

I imagine this song as a result of a particularly bad argument between them and that they're giving each other the silent treatment.

"Baby, I miss you so much now, no matter what anyone says, ayy Calling you up, I need you even now, say If our feelings are the same, yeah If that time was just a mistake, babe I want you to say that, truthfully Like an old novel This ending I don't think I can get over it"

Except one of them (could be either, but I imagine it's Choi Jong-In) starts missing the other and wants to see him again but at the same time, isn't sure if the other feels the same way yet.

"Left in tears Because there's nothing to hold on to Ring-a-ling I may be a nuisance, but Because there's only one thing I want you to tell me Getting no reply is also an answer, but I'll keep on waiting, even now I want you to come back"

And this is when Jong-In makes the decision to try to mend things between them, but Baek Yoon-Ho doesn't answer. So Jong-In is willing to wait until he gets a response, whether Yoon-Ho chooses to or not.

This song is a direct response to the previous one (don't mind me and my delusions too much-)

"And I can't deal without, I try to see the good in life But good things in life are hard to find"

I'm assuming this song from Yoon-Ho's perspective, mostly because of this line, which reminds me of all the times, Yoon-Ho's lost (or almost lost) people around him.

"Well, I'll try to do it right this time around Let's start over I'll try to do it right this time around It's not over"

I see these lyrics as an indirect apology from Yoon-Ho, saying that he wants to go back to how they were before and that things aren't over between them.

"My life with you means everything So I won't give up that easily

I'll blow it away, blow it away Can we make this something good? 'Cause it's all misunderstood"

Despite all their arguments and some misunderstandings, I see Yoon-Ho wanting their relationship to work out well, even if his emotions get the better of him sometimes

"This love is killing me, but you're the only one It's not over"

I just really like this line, but it also symbolizes how even though they fight, they truly do care for each other and want to stay together

Sorry, the Choibaek songs in this part are more sad than I intended

Heeseok:

"What would I do without your smart mouth? Drawing me in, and you kicking me out You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down What's going on in that beautiful mind? I'm on your magical mystery ride And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright"

This is basically what happened when Eun-Seok visited Park Hee-Jin for the first time after getting injured, though this is more of a recollection of that moment rather than the moment itself.

"Give your all to me I'll give my all to you You're my end and my beginning Even when I lose, I'm winning 'Cause I give you all of me And you give me all of you, oh-oh"

Just Eun-Seok being smitten with Hee-Jin after they get together and willing to do anything for her (including killing but Hee-Jin doesn't want him doing that for her)

Sungpark:

"In another life I would be your girl We'd keep all our promises Be us against the world In another life I would make you stay So I don't have to say you were The one that got away"

Another song that basically describes their entire relationship in the original timeline. Park Kyung-Hye would want Sung Il-Hwan to stay with her and their children, especially if she knew what would happen. Except they actually were able to be together "in another life" and were able to happily be together <3

Jinhae:

"Missed call from my mother Like, "Where you at tonight?" Got no alibi"

I'm sorry, but I just found this line really funny. Imagine Park Kyung-Hye wondering where Sung Jin-Woo is, and he can't think of an excuse

"I was all alone with the love of my life She's got glitter for skin My radiant beam in the night I don't need no light to see you

Shine It's your golden hour (oh) You slow down time In your golden hour (oh)"

Basically Jin-Woo's thoughts when he looks at Cha Hae-In, especially during that one date when he took her for a ride on Kaisel.

"For the love of my life She's got glow on her face A glorious look in her eyes My angel of light"

More of Jin-Woo's thoughts about Hae-In, but this one is more about him thinking about her rather than him currently looking at her

I was going to add another ship, but Choibaek's section got long-

(Feel free to request a ship though, even if I've already done them. I have a lot of songs in mind)

#solo leveling #choi jong in #baek yoon ho #park heejin #eunseok #sung il hwan #park kyung hye #sung jin woo #cha hae in #choibaek #heeseok #sungpark #jinhae #solo leveling ships #Youtube

[dareactions]

Would you write some headcanons for Dorian’s lover having his entire body being covered in giant, deep scars? Like they’re the badass of thedas, and everyone always reacts to immense disgust to seeing them because of the scars, and often ‘knows’ they aren’t worthy of Dorian, and also is in constant pain because, giant ass scars?

Sorry if this isn’t very clear I ramble more than like, specify lmao, message me if you need it cleared up yeah?

Going to put the warnings here of: Body dysmorphia, self-destructive thoughts, and mild sexual undertones.

Sometimes you just need to worship your lover a bit. No gender-identifying body parts mentioned, just the scars! he/him pronouns used for this, though I might've slipped w a they here and there lmao.

Dorian glances at the Inquisitor's face with a mild frown, he is covering it with his arm and the words that just left his mouth makes him want to cry a bit. ''Amatus, what in the world are you on about?'' He feels his heart break into a million pieces as the man he loves refuses to look at him. Now, Dorian was aware of the pain. It was hard to miss really, with the frowns and deep ragged breaths. Potions, balms and long baths were practically a part of daily life. Dorian had absolutely no issues with letting his hands carefully go over the scarred skin, it's just another piece of the man he loves in the end. But he hadn't been quite aware of how deeply upset the Inquisitor had felt about it in the end.

''First of all, get that word out of your head. Worthy, I'm not a sword in a stone here.'' Dorian huffs, sitting next to him on the bed. ''Second of all, Amatus, while you may not find joy in your body- I do.'' He wasn't ever quite good at this, riddled with his own anxieties and insecurities. He'd been there too, thinking about if he was deserving of love and affection- if maybe he was better off not receiving either. ''Your scars, they're part of you. Do I wish you could live a life free of the pain they bring you? Absolutely, but not because they're an issue aesthetically, love.'' He remembers the first time he saw them, during feverish kisses and the panicked Inquisitor scrambling to blow out the candles. He hadn't really understood it, but he had accepted it.

''You've been through a lot, we both have. There's not a person in this group whose body is not ridden with scars that tell stories, and yours tell of survival no matter their origin. I love your body, scars and all. They are also proof of a reason why I love you, your heroic and stupidly compassionate heart.'' Dorian gently takes his hand, kissing it gently and feeling the rough sensation of some travelling scar tissue in a thin line against his lips. ''I'm sorry people have looked at you with scorn, I can't change that it has happened- but know they're wrong.''

''Scars doesn't change your worth, or beauty, absolutely none of that. You don't have to be worthy of me. I love you, you love me. That is all there is to it and all there has to be to it. And I know that this won't stop the pesky voice in your head, but we're going to work against that voice together.'' He carefully watches the Inquisitor, his eyes refusing to meet his own. Dorian wishes he really could whisk all the pain away, he truly does. Instead he glances towards the bathroom, the edge of the large bathtub visible from here.

''Let me tell you one thing though. When I see your body? I am in awe. To me, it's still the most amazing thing I've seen, I think the fact that I've made enough lustful comments to fill one of Varric's horrid novels is proof of that. To me you're as handsome as any statue or hero of tales, and I'll gladly tell you in deep detail whenever you need me. Even when you don't.'' He gently tugs at his hands, standing up was always a bit of a fifty-fifty. Sometimes the Inquisitor's face would knit up in pain at the act and other times it'd be fine. ''Come on. Let's take a bath, and I'll gladly show you exactly how much I love that body of yours. I'll even write you a bloody sonnet if you need me to, I'll sing and everything.'' ''Dorian, you are not singing about how hot you find me.'' ''Oh, I absolutely will, you'll go deaf from it but it'll be very romantic. I'll have candles and flowers, the whole thing.''

The Inquisitor's laugh things out and Dorian calls it a victory. Self-love isn't something that is born in a day, he knows this. But with time it can find its place in their lives, he knows it can.

#dragon age inquisition #dragon age reactions #romance reacts #dorian pavus

[evelhak]

📚

Time to reflect on one of my books again.

⛰️Rummuttaja🎶

(drummer)

Published: 2023 by Nysalor

Genre: Young Adult, Fantasy

I was so much more nervous about this book than even my debut one, because it's an opening of a series and the world and themes are structurally a lot more ambitious than anything else I've published. Again, this is something I wrote fresh out of university, as a rewrite of a story I started as far back as in high school during my Japan exchange in 2011. Possibly why it deals with earthquakes. The mythology and world-building were further developed during my university years, influenced by my theology studies. I can't describe how happy I am to get to share this series which will be four books. Along my debut novel this is definitely a story I wish to see translated into English, even if I have to do it myself.

It's a story about 15-year-old Lilea, who is a reluctant, passive student at the Academy of Guardians, where musically gifted children learn how to reduce earthquakes by music. Legend says that a mythical being called the Singer saved their small home island from a terrible beast by trapping it inside a mountain, and the frequent earthquakes were caused by the monster tossing and turning in its sleep. The Singer is said to have left 12 holy tunes to the people to protect them and ensure the beast remains trapped. However, these stories are generally not believed around the island anymore and people know the origins of the earthquakes to be volcanic. The job of the Guardians is based on researching sound waves. Lilea's best friend Ennu however, swears by the old stories and prays to the Singer any chance she gets. Ennu is an ambitious vocalist at the Academy, seems to live and breathe music, practically enchanted by her fate as a Guardian, while Lilea is a drummer whose heart is not in the job and she would rather take care of her goats and chickens at home. Ennu's radiant personality and friendship are the only things that keep Lilea afloat in her drag of a daily life. Lilea has never cared about the old stories either, until she stumbles upon a book in the school library, and the Legend of the Singer gets reinterpreted before her eyes. Feeling alone while Ennu's time gets more and more filled with studies, Lilea begins to look for answers to questions about their world she didn't know how to put into words before.

There are so many reasons why I wrote this book I don't know where to begin. I wanted to explore a main character who would hate her magic school. I wanted to have an anti-hero in a setting traditionally built for a hero. I wanted to explore how myths take shape and influence different kind of people. I wanted to contrast different approaches to belief systems. I wanted to draw from my long experience as a music student and reflect upon school systems and the social atmosphere and how it affects different kind of students with different personalities and brains. The shortcomings of the school environment, and people who, despite being labelled gifted, fall through the cracks were of special interest to me.

Like all my books, this is a very character driven story focused on relationships and individual life stories. The larger themes and the world are reflected through them. The complicated friendship between Lilea and Ennu takes centre stage a lot, other important ones include Lilea's other best friend Rooni, a boy from her village who struggles to connect with Lilea while she's far away at school for most of the year and doesn't want to talk about it while she's home. At school Lilea has a slightly annoying couple for roommates: explosive Sisi and snarky Orinna, and spends time with another drummer, Denix, who couldn't care less about the school's unspoken hierarchy, allowing Lilea to remove herself emotionally from it. However, it's Lilea's last school year and this shakes things up, leading her to cross paths with people she previously paid no attention to, which works as a catalyst for a perfect storm.

I really wanted to reflect the atmosphere in the cover: it is not a happy book. It's better to know that going into it. The story deals with depression, chronic stress, overachieving, loneliness and misguided coping mechanisms among other mental health and relationship subjects that can be heavy to read. I don't write hopeless stories, my point is always growth, that's literally why I write, but I don't gloss over the hard and traumatic things.

The aesthetic and atmosphere of the world reflects my personal tastes a lot, possibly more than my other published stories so far: it's rather down to earth, rural and simplistic but has mysticism and some fairytale spark to it. The world resembles ours but doesn't follow a specific time period or sometimes our laws of physics either, and most of these things are not explained because it isn't the point of the story.

Believe it or not, I didn't get the beast under the mountain idea from The Hobbit, since I actually read that for the first time only after writing the first version of this book. So, it's not a homage to Tolkien, though it seems like such an obvious one. The first spark for this story was actually a Yoko Tsuno comic where a group of people play flutes to a beast to make it go away, and I think they had three holy chords or something. I read it in elementary school, it was a small element in that comic, and I always wanted to elaborate on that idea. The other clear influence I can name for this story is Ursula Le Guin, but not a particular work, it was more about her vibe, which may or may not be detectable since I was reading her books a lot when I first came up with this story but it has gone through many versions since then.

This is also the first book I drew maps for, not super detailed ones, but that was still really hard. It's a difficult task to combine the artistic and informational aspects of maps, at least when you've never really drawn a publishable one before. It was hard to find the balance and the right style.

A fun little feature I came up with was to use rest symbols as dinkus. These are not be the literal symbols the characters would use in their world but for a reader who can read music, they open new layers of interpretation to the story (beyond just the passage of time).

In general this is what I aim for in all of my work: the story should be interesting enough to work on the surface level well enough even if the reader is not interested in or misses all of the other layers of the story. But for a reader who likes to analyse deeper there are multiple intentional layers to explore and contemplate. This book is possibly the most elaborate example of that from me yet. This is a hard balance to maintain of course, and so far it has been evident that the more plot driven readers don't enjoy my books as much: although the plot is there and a lot of them love it, they have time to get bored because it doesn't move fast enough since there has to be room to create that web of other things, and sacrificing that space for the plot to move faster would reduce the complexity of the book (at least for now, because I'm not that good yet!). Yes, I know it's impossible to please everyone, but this isn't so much about that anyway. Yes, it's in part an attempt to balance aspects that sell, with artistic aspects, but it's also because I just inherently enjoy combining my favourite elements from genre fiction and literary fiction and I don't want to attempt to fit into either box. A good number of my favourite books don't fit into those boxes either. It's difficult, for sure. But I want my books to be accessible without extensive background in reading, while I also want them to provide enough meat to analyse for those that do.

That's literally my dream. I want my stories to speak to readers with different levels of experience and reading skills. I wish for them to be simultaneously easy and challenging, in a way that can encourage people towards the latter if they want to, because the needs of the former are being met first. I am by no means perfect at this, but I'm sure that getting through writing this fantasy series will improve me a lot. I do hope that it will already accomplish this task better than my other books have.

#eve's books #rummuttaja #drummer #nysalor #cover art #finnish books #author life

[rebouks]

Maybe I've mentioned it before, or maybe not... But I'd love to turn Somnium into a novel once I've finished, though I'm not so great at the whole prose thing. As an experiment, I decided to write up this scene between Oscar and Sidney. Take a gander below the cut if you fancy giving it a read!

Oscar breathed a sigh of relief the second the door slammed shut behind him. Ivan and Tommy were taking the piss, but they were right; he hated hospitals. There was no particular reason, no past trauma, no horror story, just a heavy feeling that sat in his chest whenever he set foot in one. Huffing, he fumbled around in his pockets for a cigarette. He wasn’t fond of giving into his fears either, but the lack of alcohol in his system had put him on edge and he didn’t much feel like battling yet another war with his own mind right now. One cigarette, maybe two, then he’d go back upstairs.

The sound of a soft sob suddenly shattered Oscar’s endless rumination, it sounded oddly familiar… He poked his head out from his hiding spot, only to have his suspicions confirmed. Sidney. Sighing once more, Oscar left the shelter of the doorway and headed her way. He hovered in front of his mother, chunky boots shuffling awkwardly in the melting snow.

“Are you okay...?” he asked, tentatively.

Sidney jumped at the sound of her son’s voice, hastily attempting to compose herself as she wiped away her tears with the back of a cold hand.

“Oscar… You must be here to see your friend.”

“Mhm.”

“How is he?” she asked.

“Seems okay.”

He warily took a seat next to her as a heavy silence quickly fell between the two. As much as they fought, Oscar didn’t enjoy seeing his mother so upset. She wasn’t usually a crier.

“What’s wrong?”

Sidney seemed momentarily surprised by the question, though she shook it off and answered quietly “I… I lost a patient.”

“Oh.”

It was all he could muster. What were you supposed to say to that? Sorry? It sounded so fake and insincere. Before he could think of a better response, Sidney continued.

“You think you’d get used to it but I.. he was just a little boy. He had his whole life ahead of him and now…”

She stalled for a brief moment; face contorted with grief.

“His poor parents. It’s hard sometimes, to get their faces out of your head; or the sounds. Especially when-… Sorry.”

She cut herself off again, shaking her head. She’d said too much.

“It’s okay.” He muttered.

Oscar risked a sideways glance at his mother, immediately regretting it. He set his gaze toward his boots, trying his utmost not to tear up. He knew she was thinking about him, but he didn’t know what to say to comfort her, didn’t dare. It had been too long, there was too much unease, too much pain; wedged between them like a huge slab of ice. He wished there wasn’t, wished it would melt away as easily as the snow in the weak winter sunshine; but it didn’t work like that. After all this time, he’d have to make the first move… Except he couldn’t, not now. Instead, he stayed put, eyes fixed on the cigarette he twirled idly between his fingers. Sidney wasn’t oblivious to her son’s anguish, though seemed equally unwilling or unable to bridge the gap. She rose to her feet with a forced smile and a sniffle.

“I should go back in… I know you don’t like hospitals, but you should try and spend some time with your friend.”

Oscar nodded “I will.”

Something finally broke as she turned her back on him.

“Mum?”

Sidney froze. Oscar hadn’t called her that for well over a decade.

“Hm…?”

“I’m sure you did the best you could.”

“Thanks, honey…” she smiled, a real smile this time.

Oscar returned the smile and couldn’t help but feel a slither of hope rise up, something he hadn’t felt whilst looking at either one of his parents for a long while. Maybe they’d make amends eventually. It didn’t have to be today, but the fact the possibility remained was enough for the time being.

#uhhhhhhh idk what to tag this lmao #ramblings? #writing? #extra #?? #NEWAY #i'm nervous #i don't usually write like this #ahhhhksjd #i hope it wasn't too shit #😅 #twdeathmention

[buckets-and-trees]

Have you ever had a dream that either inspired a fic, or you were already writing a fic and a character showed up in your dream? Maybe a smutty time dream?

I WISH I HAD SMUTTY TIME DREAMS THAT WERE CLEAR ENOUGH THAT I COULD BRING THEM BACK AND WRITE THEM!

I know that I dream fairly often, but dreams that I wake up from and remember things significantly? Those are more rare. In those dreams there are sometimes clearly future smutty intentions, but not always.

There's a dream that I had a few months ago - maybe October - that I think could be a nice second-chance kind of rom-com novel. It could be turned into fanfic and star one of the Sebastian or Chris characters we love, but... hmm. I told one of my moots about it when it happened, so that's why months later I still remember quite a bit of it. Let me share, and we'll see what you think...

I'll use a "reader" pov so it's more accessible as a narrative.

You move back to the city where you went to high school for a good job. It's not a big city, but big enough that even though you were worried about seeing people you knew when you was younger, you actually don't almost at all. You settle in and establish a few new roots.

A couple of years down the line, you finally do run into someone from her past. And not just any someone: it's the boy you always had a crush on throughout high school. Sure you liked other guys, but he lived on the street behind you, and you always loved him. You never dated but became generally good friends (didn't hang out exclusively, but had mutual friends, so you sometimes ended up at the same hangouts or adventures on the weekends).

It's the middle of the week and you have run into him while picking up something at a Home Depot. He's there getting some plastic storage boxes. He's warm and friendly, and seems genuinely happy to see you. He tells you he's getting boxes because he's actually moved back home and is living with his parents until he can find a more permanent place. He says he'd love to see you again soon, asks for your number, and you give it to him.

It totally got you nostalgic and hopeful, but you tell yourself to keep your heart settled and not blow this up to be more than it is.

He texts you a few hours later and says how nice it was to run into a familiar face, but it doesn't go much beyond that.

You look him up on old socials - you had been connected on a few platforms, but neither of you are very active at all on any of those oldies. Instagram has the most recent stuff, but his posts are ages old. You do see some of the stuff from when he got married, posts from those early years, and not one, but two kids, then it kind of drops off.

Friday night after work, you get another text from him asking if you want to come over to his parent's house the next day for lunch - he knows it's not fancy, but he's got a lot of unpacking still to do, but would really love to see you if you don't mind coming by for a while and catching up while he takes a break. You agree.

Because even though you saw what you did see on socials, you also looked at his left hand when you bumped into him at the home depot, and he wasn't wearing a ring.

He's in the garage when you pull up to his parents' house in the old neighborhood you two used to share, and he greets you warmly. It's chaos in the garage - he's sorting through boxes and furniture - but he leads you into the house where it's only mild chaos. There are toys here and there in a few of the rooms. He leads you into the kitchen and says you should sit down at one of the stools at the counter while he makes lunch. It's grilled sandwiches, potato chips, and a pasta salad and fruit he pulls out of the fridge. You tried to offer to help, but he told you it was easy and you were his guest and this was not at all fancy for catching up, so he insisted on prepping with no help, just your company.

It's not the first thing that either of you brings up - he wants to hear about your life these days, your job, etc - but then he does bring up the whirlwind of his life. He had been living out of state with his wife and two kids - girl and boy - and his wife passed away. His parents and her parents had flown out a lot to help with the kids, but longterm he knew he wanted them to come back home, be closer to family. He had just waited until his little girl was done with her year of kindergarten (so that not everything in her life would be uprooted) and he had secured a new job here, and then moved back.

Today his parents took the kids to the zoo so he could get things a little more settled - sorting through what they need now and what can stay packed up until he can find a new house.

He says he's not looking to get into anything quickly, but that seeing you his first day back in town? Thinking of you more than once since then? He says he doesn't want to hold off on a future either. That he'd like to just get to know you again, see where things go.

There was a bit more to the dream, but... what do we think? Novel potential? Try it as a fanfic first? If fanfic, who would this guy be?

#aspen asks #aspen is writing

[faintingheroine]

I disagree with Selim İleri’s assertion that Nihal doesn’t change throughout the novel unlike Bihter. She does. The satisfied authoritative child at the beginning of the novel and the disillusioned melancholic teenager who romanticizes her actually-not-that-romantic memory of Behlül at the end of the novel are very different people.

Nihal’s story is one of “be careful what you wish for”. She wants her pre-Bihter childhood back for 90 percent of the novel but at the end when she gets it back, she is not satisfied because she grew up and changed too much through her experiences.

This is not a happy ending:

“It seemed as if one of them had aged, and the other grown more childish. They had a habit of talking little, but of sitting close together in the carriage, of walking with one leaning on the arm of the other, that gave them the appearance of two patients who found their cure in each other.

Not a single, solitary word had been exchanged on either Behlül or Bihter between father and daughter. They were avoiding that unfortunate memory, and seemed to have forgotten the past few years. At rare moments, in one or two words, they dreamt of the future.

Adnan Bey had written the old governess a long letter, and received a short reply: Mlle de Courton would come at the beginning of winter; Şakire Hanım and her husband, having married off Cemile, would leave the two lovebirds in peace in their nest, and spend the last years of their life at the yalı; Bülent would not board at the school. There would once again be long chases around the garden, there would be deserts prepared among the shiny pots of the little kitchen, following recipes discovered in books. Life would once again be an endless holiday for them, now that the father had returned to his daughter, and the daughter to her father.

Only Beşir was missing. ‘Oh, poor Beşir!’ Nihal would say, and then, not wishing to dwell of this awful memory, she would continue, ‘isn’t that so, papa? How we will laugh, you remember, the way we used to laugh…’

And trying to find one of the happy laughs of her happy days, she would throw her arms around her father’s neck with a dry, broken laugh that caught with a sob of agony, would pucker her lips, and kiss him right there, on the bare, beardless spot under his chin.” (…)

“What things she had heard here, with him, during a half hour’s rapture!.. Again the sea, with a distant murmur, was singing secret songs, again the moon, with its white light, was spreading a languid smile of relief… Nihal, with a painful knot in her heart, in order not to think, not to see, was leaning on her father’s arm, and placing her head on his shoulder.

‘This is how it will be, from now on,’ she was thinking to herself.

Yes, she vowed that from now on she would always be happy with this. Closing her eyes, she would inter that memory of happiness like the sacred memory of the dead, in the depths of her heart, and leaning on her father’s arm, resting her head on his shoulder, she would try to be content.

As she considered these things, she was drawing her father little by little. She wanted to return to that pine wood, that green nest, that vision that had been carved in emerald. She stopped at the edge of the wood; there seemed to be a hand that held her back.

She stood, watching; perhaps they were in there, the happy betrothed: Behlül and Nihal… Her lips trembled with a pained smile, she forced herself not to think of this, afraid that this thought that entered her mind would make her father unhappy. Did she not owe her life to her father from now on? Only to him?

Now this father and daughter depended on each other to live. As she repeated this, a fear was passing through her mind with the speed of lightning: what if one of them was left alone? Then, to escape this fear, she was tugging at her father.

‘Let us leave,’ she was saying, and shutting her eyes, her heart was answering that fear with a prayer: ‘together, always together, in life, and in death…’

(Chapter 22) (italics mine)

Her “broken laugh that caught with a sob of agony”. This is not a happy ending for her. True, she was not in love with Behlül the person, but she is always in love with the idea of being loved fully, and she knows now that her father (and brother) can prefer another to her. She won’t ever get her inner peace back.

Yes, Nihal is not as changeable a character as Bihter is and doesn’t have her clear tragic arc. Nihal has a bit more of a set personality than Bihter does. But she still does change throughout the book. And Nihal is the greatest character in the novel, her arc is so unconventional and fascinating. It is not even a competition for me.

#aşk ı memnu #aşk-ı memnu #nihal #bihter #selim ileri