#at the time i didnt care about losing weight but it was more of like... i wanted to eat more than i wanted to lose weight.... so cringe

[weebsinstash]

I've been having a lot of FOOD based ideas for Alastor recently, because cooking and eating in general can actually be VERY personal, intimate things, so here's a bunch of concepts all at once

- I keep thinking of ideas where Reader's hotel room is set up like a studio apartment and you have your own little kitchen in there and ideas stemming from that where Alastor likes to pop in and see what youre cooking and, semi occasionally give critique you didnt ask for but is sometimes actually super helpful

You know, I've had a whole "hotel having group meals" thing and I just picture there are specific nights or times where everyone has the option to gather for some home cooked food, but Alastor refuses to participate because Lucifer is the one cooking, so he's wandering the Hotel until he smells something absolutely delicious, and he finds you cooking in your room, and him visiting you starts becoming a regular thing. He just suddenly appears two feet behind you without warning, "SO! What's for eatin' tonight?" with his Cheshire grin while you give a startled shriek and he potentially has to keep you from spilling or breaking whatever you're holding

- I've been learning how to cook more things and, since it's, you know, LEARNING, I have to look up and double check a lot of stuff, which I use my cellphone for, and I can imagine Alastor HAAAAATING this. You're telling me you've got this intelligent, distinguished gentleman chef right next to you and his nosey ass peeks over your shoulder to see you Voogling "how to cook rice"???? You'd rather use that blasted device than ask your deer friend? He'd be kind of offended actually. Just one of those things that makes him click his tongue at you and pat your head like you're so pitifully helpless, how are you EVER going to be able to care for yourself if you overly rely on tech so much? Guess he'll just have to use this as an excuse to become a mentor to you--

- so, you know, I'm gonna come right out and say I have some, vaguely disordered eating habits, and I can just picture Alastor having some uh, feelings about if his dear Reader wasn't eating properly. Like, this is a Louisiana man from the deep south who's probably grown up on all kinds of soul food and delicious but soooo unhealthy meals where the focus is really more on if it fills your tummy and tastes good, so like... imagine he's been dining with you and getting closer to you and he pops in on you one day, "hey hon, what's for lunch today?" in his typical joking self and you're just like, "oh actually I'm on a diet so I'm fasting right now :)". Pandemonium.

Like literally, Alastor is deriving so much comfort and entertainment from your food and getting to spend time with you and even just chat with you while you cook even of he isn't hungry, and one day he hears your stomach growl and he asks you when you ate last and "oh I had a breakfast sandwich yesterday morning" and you act like that's totally normal that you're standing there borderline salivating from hunger and he can HEAR your tummy growling and you're just "oh my gosh I'm so happy I've been losing so much weight! This new diet is really working for me ^^"

- honestly I keep thinking of. Alastor with a BBW or just plus sized person in general and he loves how big and soft and cuddly you are and you bake all kinds of delicious treats and snacks to spoil him with and he gives you hugs like he did with Mimzy so you can really SQUEEZE his lanky scarecrow ass up against your plush body, BUT I also see him in this scenario personally detesting when you start dieting, because in this scenario you're basically becoming kind of orthorexic, fasting, limiting what foods you eat and how much, eating foods with very little caloric value in high amounts. He can't share meals with you anymore. You don't cook the foods he likes anymore. You're becoming obsessed with diet and exercise but you're not even consuming the right combination of nutrients to properly and healthily lose weight and build muscle so you're just, slowly becoming weaker and more malnourished like LITERALLY becoming significantly more unhealthy trying to diet than what you were doing before

I just picture it gets to the point where Alastor literally forces you to eat. I'm talking you're bound in a chair, he's sitting across from you, and there's a hearty meaty bowl of stew in his hands as he raises a spoonful up to your mouth. You're crying and whimpering over how this will make you gain weight and being forced to take bites and, something about this meat tastes a little unusual as Alastor starts talking about, "lovely ladies such as yourself need more iron in their diet to stay healthy"

- I know I keep thinking of Alastor cannibalism ideas in a horror context but I've also thought about Reader CONSENSUALLY engaging in cannibalism. Like. Alastor comes to visit you one day and he can tell something has happened to you. It's all over your face: dour expression, dead eyes, low voice, just more withdrawn. You're cooking some kind of meat in a way he would consider almost experimental, as if you're not used to preparing this dish before, dont know how to season or flavor it. I think he would be able to tell by the smell what it is but I like to picture he's in peaceful ignorance until you quietly set down a plate in front of him and one for yourself as you take a seat with him and you just, quietly glance from him and the food and start talking,

"I, uh... was drinking with a friend of mine, a male friend... JUST a friend, and, I, I thought he was really nice, and, funny, and, I caught him trying to put something in my drink, so," and you look up at Alastor after you finish chewing a bite,

"Does he taste overcooked to you?"

And Alastor just gets this BIG smile, ears twitching happily, so thrilled for multiple multiple reasons, "oh hon, he tastes DIVINE, you really outdid yourself❤️❤️❤️"

- I will say though an idea I keep coming back to actually involves Rosie! You've been cooking with Alastor for weeks and, one day he shows up with company! I think it would actually be quite flattering at first: Alastor brought a friend to eat with you? And she's like, an important person? So... you're friends then? He likes you enough to bring his buddies around and introduce you? And of course, Rosie is an absolute delight, loves your cooking, loves your jokes, adores you, tries to chatter and pry all kinds of juicy details and gossip out of you, just a friendly chatty Cathy

Unbeknownst to you, some of the meat Alastor occasionally provides has been different types of Sinner Demons and one day Rosie comes to stop by where you're staying and, you're absolutely hysterical, in a rage, and Rosie has to ask Alastor, "oh, what's wrong? What's with all the tears, hon?"

"She doesn't like eating Hector."

"But she LOVES eating Hector! She loves how all his cartilage and fat cooks down!"

"She :) may or may not have been aware she was eating Hector"

"ALASTOR >:("

But Rosie is also too attached with you at this point so, you know, they'll ""apologize"" for not informing you you've been eating like entire fucking people, but, they're not uh, they're not gonna stop coming around. Like can you picture they come to visit you days later like it's nothing and you don't come to the door and they "invite themselves in" (alastor may or may not have copied your key, not that he needs to but it's more formal than using his magic to break in) and your fridge and pantry have been completely cleared out of every single ingredient and cooked meal, like you couldn't trust a single fucking thing, not even the bouillon cubes, and they find all your lovingly cooked meals that the two cannibals loved to eat with you, rotting in a garbage can outside. Not that they're gonna dig shit out of the trash or anything but like imagine them BEING ANNOYED that you've wasted perfectly good food. Not just your money, but, sweetie, all your hard work :'(

- also, final one. Circling back to the "you cook in your hotel room but sometimes Lucifer serves group meals" idea, imagine Alastor eventually really does something to piss you off and, he's coming to join you for dinner and there's already other people there, the whole Hotel actually, INCLUDING Lucifer. And I just. Oooo I picture the jealousy, like EXTREME JEALOUSY where you're turning and asking Lucifer how to do certain things and teach you and you just seem so much more COMFORTABLE around the tiny devil over the cannibal and Alastor is grinding his teeth while you're talking, "Alastor doesn't like tea so, I guess you and I get to have all this sweet tea I made for ourselves" and Lucifer just, "oh gosh, I'd never pass up on something YOU made. I've been having a lot of fun teaching you stuff and cooking more! You could even call us," *looks DIRECTLY at Alastor* "best friends >:)"

ALASTOR GRINDING HIS TEETH TO DUST, stalking up to the two of you, twisting and snapping his neck to tower over Lucifer, "may I SPEAK with you PRIVATELY for a moment" and Lucifer just, "uhhhhhh, no? I'm helping her finish food for everyone" and then the little fallen angel turns his head towards you, "oh no, don't cut that like that, you might hurt yourself!" And he slides up next to you on a stool or uses his wings and, he's MUCH touchier than Alastor so the stag is like VISIBLY UPSET as Lucifer gently puts his own hands over yours, "here, place your fingers like this and cut in this motion--" AND WHAT'S THE WORST IS YOU DON'T SEEM TO MIND LUCIFER TOUCHING YOU, like. Alastor is about to start full blown tantruming on a room full of people. Charlie is inviting him to come and sit down while Husker knows the Radio Demon well enough to see he's about to pop a blood vessel and prompt excuses himself from the room to avoid what will surely become a physical altercation

God forbid, Lucifer says some shit like, "you know, your cooking reminds me a lot like my third wife's" and you're just "oh, you got married a third time???" And here's the Devil, SHAMELESSLY "oh, not yet ;)"

Yeah, I'd say a pretty big fight would break out after that

#yandere x reader #yandere hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #Lucifer x reader #hh #sinprompts #yandere stuff

[ryn-stillstanding]

just want to post my timeline on here, so i can refer back to it later... also, in case anyone cares about my updates lol

jan 1: ~210-220

highest ever weight

not 100% sure cause i didnt own a scale back then

this was my breaking point - i started to go to the gym and eating healthy

cut out binge eating

jan 28: 204

official starting weight

wasnt getting the results i wanted the "healthy" way

started eating 500-800cal / day

started going on 5k walks daily

feb 4: 200.6

stuck to my rules, goals, and routines

took a 2 week vacation + maintained

feb 25: 195.6

was so SO excited to make it out of the 200s (love all of the support i got on here)

started falling out of my routine

got a new job, which made restriction easier, but exercise harder

190: mar 13

crunch time for school and work - need mental focus

still only eating 1 meal a day, but stopped counting calories

eating more made/makes me really anxious and out of control

stress with school and work took the center stage

186.6: mar 29

currently busy with other things

i assume i am eating 1000 calories a day, give or take

the days im at school, i eat more - the days im at work, i eat less

i have less willpower, i find it easier to give in now that im not counting

in a week, im done school - then i will go back to walking, calorie counting, and rules

with the lack of rules i have right now, i am losing 9lbs every month. this isnt ideal. im not happy with it. but, progress is progress.

i am really excited to get back to my rules and make some serious progress. with every pound i lose, i feel brighter, and more confident in what i look like. i actually cant wait to get to my first goal of 170.

170 is where i was a year ago. i can get back to it. i can surpass it.

#thinspø #ed advice #i need to be weightless #i need to lose so much weight #i need to lose this weight #low cal restriction #high restriction #i wish i was weightless #restricted diet #ana rant #proannna #anorexies #anor3c1a #tw restrictive ed #calorie restriction #ed disorder #tw ed diet #ed blogg

[misunhye]

MISUN @ MMA 2023

RED CARPET/CEREMONY & PERFORMANCE

LEFT to RIGHT red carpet / ceremony && performance

misun came here to STUN!

her outfit obviously wasnt the same as dream’s 😭

for red carpet & ceremony, her makeup was pretty simple, nude lips with shimmery eyeshadow and light black eyeliner.

this was her (and dream’s) first time going to mmas so she wanted to have some fun

she enjoyed seeing other groups perform!! she tuned in the most for aespa, riize and seventeen

but she also had fun when youngji joined them at their seats lol

she practically yanked chenle down when she realized him, haechan, & renjun were the only ones standing 💀

she also kept an eye out for mark because of his leg and would often nudge him to put his weight on her but he refused

oh godd, here comes the tough, emotional part …

so she was thankful when they won one of the ‘artist top 10’ awards …

and then they win BEST GROUP¹???? LIKE… wow

she was even more thankful

her smile was soo large as she thanked czennies

she gave a short but sweet thanks to the fans and her members, saying they’ll work harder for them

she almost missed the announcement for record of the year, she JUST sat back down from going to the restroom with jaemin and next thing she knows, she hears “NCT DREAM” and her bloods rushing to her face

she almost stumbles in her heels, making her way up with the rest of her members. her jason derulo moment … that wouldve been so embarrassing but she didnt really care

mark caught her before whispering in her ear to “be careful” with a smile on his face

she doesnt notice jisung crying until she turns once she gets up there and pouts, tears brimming at her eyes

she grabs his wrist comfortingly as he looks away from the crowd and the others give their speeches

when jisung gave his speech, a tear actually fell and she wiped it away so quickly fans thought they were imagining it until someone zoomed in

she never wanted to go back to the times when they weren’t eight and when they thought they’d lose each other.

on a brighter note, the kkyu moment with the fan was so cute and funny 😭 she loves czennies so much

“czennies …” a pause because the crowd was so loud, “i never would’ve thought we’d be here as eight. thank you for always supporting and loving us, even when times were tough and uncertain. its thanks to you that we can be here today. we will come back next year better than ever, we’ll work hard for you.” she bowed her head momentarily before stepping back so jaemin could go

she giggled so hard from embarrassment when jaemin did aegyo 😭 she always gets that way with aegyo

also she did some tiktoks with seventeen’s dino & vernon, all of aespa, ive’s wonyoung, stayc’s sieun and isa, and riize’s shotaro, sungchan, & wonbin. she’s got fanssss <33

not much to say about their performance !!

when jaemin tried to pull chenle closer during their parts, she had to look away to stop herself from laughing. she could only imagine nctzen’s and idols’ alike reactions

she had a solo dance part right before poison

she was SO excited to perform poison, it’s one of her favorites off istj lol

she found it so funny they had a sweet video playing after such a cunty song

there was an after party but half of them are introverts and so they all went back to the dorms and celebrated together <33

she made sure to leave a sweet message on bubble for the fans, thanking them again

#ficnetfairy #fictional idol community #nct dream 8th member #idol oc #nct 27th member #nct female addition #nct female member #nct female unit #nct imagines #fictional idol oc #nct oc #nct fake texts #nct fluff #nct dream #nct scenarios #nct #kpop female oc #kpop female member #kpop idol oc #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop addition #fake idol oc #fake kpop oc #fake kpop idol #fake idol group #fake kpop group #kpop female idol oc #nct female oc #⁽ ⠀ ҉ ⠀ ⁾ ⠀ ⠀ misun ⠀ / ⠀ * ⠀ misc.

[moodywyrm]

hi mooney!

i just wanted to share my thoughts on abby n chubby reader (this was definitely NOT based on personal experience or anything) uhm, maybe slight trigger warning for implying an eating disorder?

maybe abby took reader out for lunch or something n absentmindedly said something about reader eating a big meal, (ex. "baby, you sure you're gonna eat all that?") not even meaning it in a bad way but reader thinking abby's suggesting she eat a little less, so reader just loses her appetite and goes kinda silent n doesn't say anything for the rest of lunch cs it reminds her of things her exes have said abt her; abby jus thinking she's sleepy, it goes on for like a couple days n abby getting worried cs her girl is eating less than usual n it's starting to affect her, like reader being more silent, slightly shaking a bit cs of how little she's eating n sleeping more cs her not eating is leading to less energy n it's jus reader falling back into how she used to treat herself before she met abby

abby finally decides to confront reader n reader jus letting the flood gates open n SOBBING to abby about how she thinks abby doesn't love her anymore n how she's sorry for eating so much n just saying how she's trying to get rid of the weight by not eating as much to get her body used to it.

abby is absolutely SHOCKED n confused on why her sweet angel is doing this n when reader explains what abby said, abby jus feels so bad n gives reader the best comfort n reassuring her that she meant nothing by it ["baby i swear! i didnt know :( jus didn't want you getting a tummy ache cs you ate a big breakfast too but i didnt mean you should stop taking care of yourself! :(( ] n abby jus making all of reader's favorite foods n making sure her girl is gettin all her nutrients n stuff in n jus being super comforting by letting reader cry some more n stuff

sorry if this is so long, jus had this thought bobbing around my head n needed to share it with someone :( feel free to get to this anytime ♡︎ hope you're having an amazing day/night

(also, could i be 💌 or 🐇 anon?)

TW: disordered eating, internalized fatphobia + hatred

hi baby! 1) imma choose 💌 bc it's so cute! 2) I'll say it, I have had this experience before (though admittedly without the sweet masc to help me out), so let's go! of course, trigger warning for disordered eating and general discomfort around food and body image. if you can't or don't want to read that, avoid this. avoid it like the plague.

it all started with a comment. you and abby were having brunch after class, as a treat for you having just submitted a huge assignment. and you're starving! you had no time before class to eat, and then your class was an eighty minute chunk. so you're so hungry, and you order a full meal, a smoothie plus a California club and sides! grapefruit, onion rings, fries. (obviously if you have any allergies or preferences, just imagine it's something else for this. the actual food isn't critical to the plot). and when you tell the server your order and they leaves, Abby turns to you and says "You gonna eat all of that, baby?"

and of course she doesn't mean it in a shamey, how-could-you-eat-all-of-that way. she meant it in a can-you-eat-all-of-that-without-getting-a-tummy-ache way. but that's not how it registered. and it makes you feel sick, even when you answer "maybe I'll just take the leftovers"

you definitely end up taking the leftovers, because you get maybe two bites into the sandwich, nibbling on the sides, and decide to just finish the smoothie. you have basically your entire meal untouched, and abby gets full off her own meal, so you have two containers of leftovers to take home, which makes you feel so shitty. and you can hear every negative voice in your head rise up, from family members to peers to exes, everyone who ever fatshamed you and made you feel wrong for trying to nourish your body.

you're quiet all the way home, quiet for days after. abby just assumes you're tired, knowing that you have a lot of school work. and partly, she's right. you are tired. you're fuckign exhausting because you're eating maybe one meal a day, (not) sustaining yourself on coffee and water, doing all of your assignments with no energy whatsoever. and you're fighting yourself, not knowing how to bring it up to abby. that it's not because of what she said, she didn't mean it, but it kind of is because of what she said. and it hurts so fucking bad. so yeah, you're exhausted.

it all comes to a head when you're sitting, kneeling, in front of your mirror, doing your makeup or just getting ready, and when you stand up, you nearly pass out. you're so lightheaded, slamming your hand out to the wall, trying not to fall over. your vision swims, and you try to stabilize yourself. abby, who was sitting at her desk, immediately gets up, practically flying to you and holding you up.

"shit, baby, are you okay?" and she sounds so concerned, you fucking break. the tears are so fast, you don't stand a chance at stopping them. you're standing there, sobbing, and abby is terrified. because she doesn't know why. so she gently guides you over the bed, still crying, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and trying to get you to a state where you can talk.

it takes about fifteen minutes, but you get there, still crying, still hiccuping out sobs, but at least somewhat intelligible.

"I just. I know you didn't mean it to be mean. But last week, at the restaurant, when you asked if I was gonna eat all of the food and-" You can't keep talking because it all floods back to you and you're crying again, clinging to abby like a lifeline, chest hurting from the sobs. But now Abby gets it. She remembers what she said and she figures out how it might've sounded and now she feels like shit. Because she never wanted to hurt you, but intent doesn't matter right now because she did hurt you.

"I'm so sorry baby. I didn't mean to say it like that, and I'm so sorry my words hurt you. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I only asked because I didn't want your stomach to hurt, but I should have worded it so much better. I never, ever, want you to feel guilty about eating, or anything, with me."

You're still crying, still clinging to her, but trying to get the words out. "It's okay baby, I should've" hiccup "should've talked to you, told you how I felt but I just froze" hiccup "and I was so scared you would think I was gross, so I stopped eating so much but that didn't help anything-" and again, you're crying so hard your head hurts, and now Abby is crying, sniffling, trying to hide it because this is about you and she knows if you hear her crying you'll worry about her. So she presses a kiss to your head, rubbing her hands up and down your back.

"I wish you would have talked to me, but I know it's scary and hard and it's so easy in theory. But I'm so sorry I made you feel like you couldn't talk to me. I will always be here for you, baby, always." and when she here's you whisper out a small "I love you", she hauls you into her lap. You're still crying, because you need to let it out, but Abby doesn't move a fucking inch, holding you for as long as you need.

Once you've calmed down enough to move to the couch, Abby gets to work cooking you your favorite meal, trying not to overload you with so much ood that'll make your tummy hurt, but trying to give you a good, balanced dinner after a week of hurt. Sitting at the kitchen island, watching you eat pasta with some lingering trepidation but an overwhelming amount of trust on your face, she would never trade that moment for anything, Abby knows that, for the rest of her life, she wants to take care of you. Wants you to live a life where food isn't pain or punishment, and you're allowed to nourish yourself and enjoy food when you want to.

#💌 anon #abby anderson #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x reader fluff #abby anderson fluff #tw ed implied

[sotogalmo]

have you ever thought about how movie Mike Schmidt never actually got a chance to process what happened to Garrett?

He spent years torturing himself, forcing himself to remember his brother's kidnapping in the hope that his brither was alive and could be saved.

And then, he finally found out what happened-- not exactly what happened, not how it happened, or even WHY; why William chose to kill, or why GARRETT was one of the kids chosen.

All those years desperately believing and hoping that his brother was alive, and then "i killed your brother, and now I kill you."

And Mike, at least not a screen, didn't get a chance. Not to be angry that after all those years of hoping, and he learns that his brother is dead, has been dead that whole time, nothing left to be saved. Not a chance to grieve having that hope viciously ripped away from him. Not a scene of Mike going to bed, only to stare up at the poster of Nebraksa, realize it's meaningless, debate tearing it down entirely now that he knows Garrett can't be saved.

Don't get me wrong, Mike deciding to let Garrett and his past go so he doesn't tear himself apart and lose Abby was a good thing.

But it happened so quickly. There was no resolution to his history with Garrett, neither plot-wise nor more personally in terms of his life. There wasn't even a second for him to wonder if perhaps Garrett is possessing an animatronic somewhere, as would have likely been the natural conclusion for him to turn to.

I don't think Mike putting Garrett behind him like he did in the movie was as healthy as he thought. He didn't want to lose Abby by being so obsessed with Garrett, so he shut Garrett out of his mind entirely-- he overcorrected without resolving, processing, or dealing with any of his feelings, I think.

What do you think? Do you see things differently?

WHAT THE FUCK. OKAY,‼️‼️‼️‼️ I ACTUALLY DIDNT RLY RHINK OT THAT ....

ough. Poor poor Mike, he's just. Such a bundle of nerves, he never gets a chance to fully understand the weight. He's so fucking impulsive

He wants to know. He wants to have time for himself, but he just doesn't. He has Abby. He wants to make sure that Vanessa is okay(she's related to the bastard who killed his brother, who else knows what she's been thru)

OUGH.......

He wants to understand.

His mind is just crowded

He is thinking so much

Abby is the priority. Take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her.

take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her

take care of her.

It's all Abby, she's here. She's here with him physically.

take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her take care of her.

First: His mind is set on finding what happened to Garrett. The next, he totally forgets about Garrett. He doesn't think about it, because he's had for years. (but sometimes his mind secretly thinks more about it. where is he? where is he? where is he? where is he? where is he? where is he? where is he? where is he? where is he? where is he? where is he? where is he? / Is she like the others? Ah! What nonsense! It's been years & Garrett would love to sleep and just rest: he's still out there he's still out there he's still out there he's still out there HE HAS TO he's still out there he's still out there he's still out there he's still out there HE HAS TO he's still out there he's still out there HE HAS TO he's still out there he's still out there)

"I killed your brother, now I kill you". What the fuck? And he had no time to react. He was kicked away(kicked on his stomach? On his face?), and didnt have ANY TIME for himself to process it all

Abby's here. Vanessa is bleeding out. Oh God, she's bleeding out. The animatronics are getting closer. What do they want now? Mr Raglan is the man who killed his brother (is he?). He's getting pinched & poked with metal spikes. How is he..... calm?? HOW IS CALM? JUST HOW!? WHY? WHY IS HE LIKE THIS?

What the hell does he mean— OH FUCK, he needs to see if Abby is okay! Vanessa too. Vanessa better not be dead after they all went thru (Mike might feel selfish for this.. but he wants her to live, because if she were to die he would feel part of himself dead as well; Mike sees himself in her, and Vanessa sees herself in Mike. He just knows it. They are from the same coin. He doesn't want to empty again)

#and-stir-the-stars #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #mike schmidt #fnaf movie #abby schmidt #garrett schmidt #vanessa shelly #vanessa afton #sorry!! for repeating words- i just like eoing that tbh #oopsie. sorry fir goingnwriting mode .... it was hard not too

[kindnessisweakness2]

Delusional -Part 22

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Delaney questioned Alex as he stood from the table and made his way towards her. “Ah Ah Ah...” He sarcastically wagged his finger at her. “Wow, Teller really has re lit the fire in you. Think your untouchable?” He challenged her, the look in his eye begging her to say something, to fight back. "Your Mom called me. She wants me to take you back. Begged me pretty much.” Delaney scowled at him. “What is it you want Alex? Im done playing this fucking game with you.” Alex smirked at her. “Isnt it obvious? I want you dead. i just want to enjoy fucking with you first. By the time im done you’ll be begging me for death. It’ll be a mercy.” Tears stung at Delaneys eyes. "Why? What have I done to deserve this, any of it?" Alex studied the broken woman in front of him. She looked tired and scared. Part of him debated just giving in and killing her quickly. Maybe he had put her through enough. But despite any reason he could think of to give her mercy, he knew he wouldn't be fully satisfied until he had her blood on his hands. Soaking in his skin, the spray of it coating his face. Oh he couldn't explain how bad he craved it. A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts. Pointing the gun at her again he nudged his head towards the door. “Get rid of them. If you say anything, hint at anything being wrong i will kill them and you.” Delaney shuffled towards the door with Alex at her back, digging the barrell of the gun into her side. She was trying her best to stay calm, but all she wanted to do was break down. Let it all out, the screams, the tears. Fear and Anger weighed heavy on her chest. Opening the door just enough to pop her head out, her worried eyes fell on Halfsack. Trying to keep a neutral face, but secretly hoping he would notice something off and tell Jax, Delaney managed a small smile. “Hey, Jax sent me just to check on you, Make sure you didnt need anything. I know you guys arent in the best place right now, but he cares Ya’know.” Kip started to Ramble. Delaney’s eyes filled with tears she couldnt stop. Clearing her throat trying to move the fast growing lump, she tried not to think that this would possibly be the last time she laid eyes on someone in her family. If she knew yesterday would be the last time she saw Jax, she wouldnt of wasted it arguing. The issue of Tara seemed stupid now. Now that today would be her last day. Tried not to think of their little baby tucked away in her belly, another one they wont get the chance to raise. Death would be a blessing in that regard, she wouldnt have to feel the pain of losing another child. “I-Im Fine. Thank you. P-Please tell Jax, that i love him, m-more than a-anything.” Halfsack smiled but looked at his  VP’s old Lady quizzically. She was weird,But he couldnt put his finger on it. Is this what pregnancy hormones does to women? Kip nodded at her anyway and started to head back towards his bike. “Oh and Kip?” He turned as she called. “Please can you tell him I’m Sorry?” Kip couldnt hide the confused look on his face but before he could question what she was sorry for the door was shut. Getting on his bike, He headed straight towards Gemma’s. He couldnt shake the feeling something was off. 

“Jax i think you need to go home.” Halfsack walked straight into Gemmas Kitchen, finding his VP sat at the table drinking a coffee. He looked like he had been up all night with the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Is she okay?” Gemma questioned worriedly. The last thing her son needed was anything to happen to Delaney and the baby. “Shes weird, i dont know how to explain it. Somethings off Jax. She said to tell you she loves you more than anything, but she was all stuttery and was trying to stop herself from crying. And then i was about to leave she called my name and said to tell you she was sorry.” Kip really couldnt explain the panicked feeling it left him with, but he needed Jax to go home. “So do you think she was just upset about the argument we had? Crying is normal right? Shes pregnant and hormonal.” Jax tried to think logically. Maybe Halfsack was overthinking this. “No baby, i think we should go check on her. If he thinks something is off, its worth checking out. Shes been through alot recently, lets just go make sure she is fine.” Jax nodded at his mother. He didnt want to wait till Monday to go home anyway. This thing with Tara was sorted, he’s handled it, so he was hoping they could move on. He could go home and start getting ready for their little miracle baby. Their boy. Even thinking about the baby made a smile stretch on his face. The three of them. Their own little family. Grabbing his Kutte, Jax followed his mom out the door and headed to his bike. He was going home. 

There were many times in her life that Delaney pictured her death. Planned it, hoped for it even. Part of her always knew Alex would one day be the cause of it. But one thing she didnt imagine, was that it would happen in Jax’s house. There she was, on her knees infront of Alex, in Jax’s living room. Gun only a few inches from her forehead. 1 Shot. Clean. Execution Style. Thats all it would take, and she would no longer exist. Would Jax be the one to find her? No, she didnt want that image left for him. She didnt want him to see her like that. It would haunt him. How long would he wait before seeking comfort from another woman? Would it be Tara’s arms he fell back into? She hoped not. But the thought of him running to a crow eater for comfort didnt make her feel any better. She could see the front door in her peripheral vision, like it was taunting her. Her only escape route and she couldnt take it. A punch to the side of the head brought her out of her thoughts. Fuck. “Are you even listening?” Alex spat at her. She winced as pain shot down her face and through her jaw. “Yeah, some shit about your gonna kill me. Leave my body for Jax. Whatever. I told you earlier. Im done with your games. You wanna kill me? Get it fucking over with.” Another smack split her cheek and had her seeing stars. Her ears were ringing with the force of the smack and she blinked hard trying to come to her senses. She heard the safety click off on the gun and her stomach dropped. “Are you gonna cry?” He taunted. Gritting her teeth, Delaney looked forward. Was she fuck going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her panic. No if she was being taken from this earth, she was doing it swinging. She was fighting. She wasnt going to make it easy for this bastard. “Any Last words my love?” He grinned as he looked down at her. So scared, but trying to be so strong. He could see it in her eyes, the fear, and he would be lying if he said it didnt make him happy. “Yeah, I hope that Jax tortures you before he kills you. I hope he hurts you so fucking bad. Makes you cry like the pathetic little boy you really are on the inside. Theres a reason you are the way you are Alex. What is it huh? Mommy didnt love you enough? Did she not hug you? Did Daddy beat you? Was he never proud? Were you never good enough Alex Reid? Tried your hardest but never got daddy and mommy’s approval.” She could see the rage flicker in his eyes. It was working, she was getting to him. With any luck he would kill her quickly. 

Pulling up to the unusually quiet house, Jax was instantly worried. Usually the music Delaney played could be heard in the street it was that loud. And if you stood at the bottom of the drive you could see her dancing and swaying about the kitchen to the beat as she cleaned or cooked. There was always movement in their home, but now it was eerily quiet. Deciding instantly they needed to be careful Jax walked to where his mom sat in her car. “Prospect was right. Somethings off. Stay here, call the rest of the guys.” Gemma’s face showed her worry instantly. “Ya’know shes probably in bed getting rest like the doctor told her yesterday. You should probably leave her alone, let her rest. The doors not smashed off, its not trashed and theres no sign of an intruder. Jax maybe give her time.” Gemma tried to reason with her son, there was no sign of anything being wrong apart from the house being quiet. Sleeping people dont make much noise. Jax shook his head as he thought about what his mom said. He had the same feeling as Halfsack now he was here. His stomach twisted painfully. He just had to see her. Once he saw with his own eyes he would know she was okay and he would leave her to rest. “Okay, your probably right. I’ll go in through the garage and just check on her.” Knowing her son wasnt going to rest until he saw her in the flesh, Gemma agreed. Lighting a cigarette, she sat back and waited for Jax to come back. 

#sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy fanfiction #sons of anarchy imagine #Jax Teller #jax teller fanfiction #jax teller imagine #jax teller x reader #jax teller x oc

[spookfished]

media roundup february

hi everybody :3 i didnt really read a lot in february i was busy 'doing school' and 'looking for employment.' sad! i have spring break coming up so im planning on using that time to read a bunch (and also apply for more jobs -_-) this post and previous can be found on my neocities!

books:

revenant gun by yoon ha lee: the last book in the hexarchate series, starting with ninefox gambit. (slightly edited from my discord review, SPOILERS INCOMING). in machineries of empire, there a disconnect between what the audience craves and what the book is willing to give them-- for example, things like Whats up with the calendar + the hexarchate, why did jedao do all that, etc. this works in the books favor (imo) by increasing tension, creating a sense of discovery, and avoiding clunky exposition.

however in the two sequels it expands not just to what the audience wants but also what they like. care about? some big examples are the weight of the remembrances* and less cheris, but also stuff like jedaos focus. which isnt bad like i like jedao. but like, if you Dont you sure do get a lot of him. also did anyone actually like brezan sorry. hes fine like for example with the end of a memory called empire, when the protag (forgot her name sorry) loses her brain buddy, it feels like a second coming of age almost--her brain buddys been a crutch but now she gets to stand on her own (albeit as a changed person, with brain buddys influence). vs cheris who kinda starts to feel like a cameo character who literally fucks off for nine years??? there is also a sort of ongoing sense of "these sacrifices for the greater good are ok (if sad) and these are not" whihc ngl sometimes feels pretty arbitrary to me. and given that machineries of empire focuses on like the Littlest most downtrodden people it really is wild yhat we dont see a lot of civilian life? anyways i enjoyed it and i think its worth finishing out the trilogy but it wasnt as satisfying as i could have hoped (ALSO NINEFOX GAMBIT IS A REALLY FUN SOLID READ. I LIKED IT A LOT)

*the rememberances are a set of ritualized tortures that create a power structure that literally powers a lot of the empire's technology. this is a very cool concept! a big part of jedao and cheris' rebellion is about making a place that Doesnt have to run on torture. except that like, besides the intellectual knowledge that Torture Is Bad as a reader i didnt really feel that invested in this? like we only get to See a remembrance happening midway thru book 3. im not like advocating for torture porn or anything but it seems weird to have that be the focal thing when neither cheris nor jedao had any scenes where they were affected by it (and so the audience didnt have anything like that either). idk it kinda just stood out to me. like yes i care about these characters but why should i care about This specifically

hexarchate stories by yoon ha lee: an anthology set in the world of machineries of empire, expanding the world and fleshing out some stories. this was pretty solid! theres a wide range of stories and lengths, and i liked the variety :3 its like a little charcuterie board. (yoon ha lee's bias for shuos jedao really stands out here though..) its kinda essential reading to me imo though bc otherwise the ending of revenant gun isnt that satisfying :| lol anyways once again if youve read ninefox gambit check it out! spoilers for the whole series tho

exordia by seth dickinson: hard scifi about agency, impossible choices, and how they shape you. also, international geopolitics! like ninefox gambit, exordia demands your attention and concentration. you kinda have to read it at a time when you have brainpower to spare. however, exordia rewards everything that you put into it :3 i ended up learning so many random facts during this book… like AGL meaning above ground level. i feel like i need to read a book about democratic confederalism now also. a couple of my other friends read this book and got lost in the large cast and intricate web of events--i didnt have as much of an issue but u might need a piece of paper or sth. exordia is a book that's dense enough to feel like three books, and that can be good or bad. seth dickinson has this really spare, concise prose that leaves a lot to your imagination but also like. can sum up a person or situation in just a couple sentences? and that leaves a lot of room for the reader to investigate which i like :3 hm what else to say…. i really liked clayton (clayton!!!!) but i found erik super annoying ymmv. the ending kinda leaves you at a loss which i honestly kinda like? like yeah obv a sequel would be nice but i like it the way it is. anyways not for the faint of heart but id still recommend<3

accidentally engaged by farah heron: f/m romance aww so cute <3 really nice contemporary romance which tosses together a bunch of tropes--arranged romance, fake dating, baking together--into something that actually works really well! the two leads were very charming and i liked reading about the good food. i liked the way the protagonist's almost-stereotypical portrait of a loving but strict south asian family (am i allowed to say this) gets fleshed into a group of honestly kinda bizarre people that love her and that reena can genuinely connect with. yay family! overall, not especially memorable to me personally but still enjoyable. rec if youre into contemporary romance

last breath: the limits of adventure: realistic fiction (?) about what it feels like to drown, die of dehydration, fall from a cliff, etc. lots of research, very thorough! (well sometimes they live and sometimes they dont). an expansion of this absolutely fantastic article about hypothermia. honestly none of the stories quite live up to this one imo but this is still a really solid and exciting read! i couldnt put it down! although it does have a touch of the orientalism that you get from like, a lot of extreme sports circles lol. i would definitely recommend reading the article, and maybe read the book if it especially interests you.

video games:

pokemon legends of arceus: a pokemon game set in the past that breaks the mold by letting you dodge roll. my opinions here coincide pretty closely with the dunkey video, which is that this is a really fun game that is also literally half finished. controls are clunky, story is paper thin, graphics are fucked, overworld is extremely empty but its also just very fun?? it took over my life for like two weeks and i missed class???? anyways i would not get this at full price but if you can borrow it from a friend its super interesting to experience. im looking forward to the kalos one :3

slay the princess: a horror? romance? visual novel about saving the princess, slaying tbe princess, and everything in between featuring the vocal chops of that one magnus archives guy. dudeee this is so fun! i think its very kind to the guy inside of me who is Embarrassingly Anxious about any and all video game choices that can like, affect the narrative. lmfao its fun to fit in a couple runs or two between other things, but i did start losing track of what previous paths id taken after a bit of a gap. however!!! i would definitely think about playing this game if you like visual novels or Narrative or Loops! or girls who kill lol theres a free demo if you want to try it out

movies:

velocipastor: action movie about a priest who turns into a velociraptor to punish the wicked!!!! so fucking cool a lot of love put into this (low budget) movie made me so sad i dont speak cantonese (? at least i think thats what it was) watch this with friends

music:

Gato by nobonoko: really fun 80s synth jazz? album written by two fictional gay furries. no wait come back ok this is one of those things i got recommended by youtube and then actually listened to it a bunch of times its just very soothing and nice :3 ive been listening to jazz pretty much my whole life so i have a huge bias. also im a sucker for fictional bands eg splatoon… also the art is so cute?? those two guys?? its hard to pick a favorite song but i think i like the titular gato! also theres a bunch of other stuff made by the same two artists

option by Crosses: i totally forgot what the genre for this is but its like when metal guys are like i need to have a song for my metal wedding. song recommended by neil -_- anyways very sappy im fond of it nonetheless. i definitely did think it said "can you promise me to the grave"

Roy by Idles: from british rock band idles new album tangk! im going to be honest i did not like this album as much as some of the other ones by idles, but thats ok! hmm when i play this song out loud during crew shifts i feel embarrassed. but i really like seeing how idles' vocalist's voice has evolved over time! the way hes branched out into more melodic and belty stuff over time is very fun. the prechorus + chorus are very fun to sing along to as well :3 its just a fun song

anyways if you read any portion of this thanks as always :3 what else to say.. i made pandesal recently and its been my only successful bread that i can remember. go me! anyways see you guys in a bit

#txt

[shadowcats4]

Here, a nice fanfic for ya. The second coming. Heaven against Hell.

"When Heaven and Hell collide, there are no in betweens" - The JoJo Man by Echo & the Bunnymen

P.S. I'm sorry in advance

I look out over the barren, charred landscape. Grey and ashen, burned to rubble and blasted to shredmill. The air in my lungs choked, polluted and heavy, sticking to my face in the waves of heat that shimmer in the black clouds above. It's distorting the mass of white into a hazy blur behind my tinted glasses. All the expressions around me set to stone, ready for war, ready for ineffable destruction.

All the lives gone, wasted away. What more is there left to lose? Only you. I start to run. To find you, to warn you. What from? You already know. I have to try. Keep you safe. I can't let you fight. However bravely your lion heart roars, you're not a killer. I won't let you be. We can't fight. Not eachother.

From behind me there's a shout, telling me to get back, march on order. I don't slow, I just keep running. Out into the battlefield. Arid, deadly nomansland. The bombed air sharp and burning in the back of my throat as I start panting. The opposed army getting closer, their brilliant white ranks growing brighter in the dust-filled sky.

My lungs desperate for oxygen, my throat searing and alive with flames of pain, I run until I can't. Until my head goes dizzy and I stumble, falling hard on a jagged rock, feeling the fabric of my sleeve tear. A jolt shoots through me and blood trickles down my arm to my wrist. Dragging myself to my feet again, I look up and around. Everybody's watching. Now the two armies are equidistant to me. I'm in the middle. In the line of fire, either as a traitor or an enemy.

"Come on then" I hear my own rasping voice as I throw my arms in the air, "kill me." None of the demons make a move, but I see what must be archangel Michael raise her sword. I'm not afraid to die. It doesn't look like she heard what I said anyway, just defensively getting ready to fight.

Suddenly a figure in contrasting beige steps out of line, running, like I had, out into the destroyed remnants of the world we both loved. My heart lifts and sinks at the same time. There's only one angel I know, stupid enough to go running alone into a warzone. And only one ever that would do it for me.

I start staggering to meet him, my arm throbbing and dripping crimson into the ash. I see more of the angels reaching for their weapons, watching, waiting.

His wings spread, glowing orange in the haze, his features sharpening as he comes towards me. Now I can see their faces too, hard and cold. They don't want to save the world.

"Crowley" my name is deafening from his lips, but I know only I can hear him. A jolt of fear shoots through me as I see the flames burning bright over Michael's shoulder. Aziraphale stops in front of me, out of breath, his face and feathers streaked with soot.

He opens his mouth to speak, but I shake my head, raising a finger to silence him, "No, not this time. We saved it once, it's not happening again. I trusted you, you trust me. We have to get out. Now."

I see the look creep onto his face and my hope dies on my unspoken words.

"I, am the Supreme Archangel-"

"And they don't care" I gesture wildly over his shoulder, "If you don't want to fight, we-"

"Have to avert the war" he finishes my sentence, his voice so calm I have to grit my teeth.

"Fine. Go back and tell them we don't need a war. Tell them we can stop it. Go and save the fucking world, Angel." Even though my words are bitter, I feel my frantic heart swell.

"Crowley, your hand."

"Doesn't matter about my hand, go!"

He hesitates for a second, uncertainty flashing across his face, blue eyes glinting like gemstones, "You shouldn't be a demon..." His voice is soft as he looks up at me, "For the times I didnt listen: I'm sorry. If we can't go it together, I'm not leaving you here."

He throws his arms around my neck. I feel his weight against me, holding me tight, like the world's going to end.

Suddenly I go rigid with terror, my heart may as well have stopped beating, everything telling me to run, hide, anything. Glimmering, blazing, travelling silent and deadly, roaring with flames. I feel his soft curls against my fingers sticky with blood, staining them a sickening red, pressing his head into my shoulder. The sword flies just over his head, darkening the tips to black. I feel its burn on my cheek, hugging him tighter, keeping him pressed against me. My Angel, my beautiful Angel.

The pain fades, only leaving a sharp line from my cheekbone to my ear. He looks up slightly, then falls against me with a jolt, his fingers digging into my shoulders. I feel his scream choked into my chest, the gentle warm of fire light spreading on my hand. I stagger back a step, supporting his limp weight, "Aziraphale?"

"I've been hit, Crowley" his voice sounds dazed, like he can't quite believe it himself.

"Angel" I whisper, "No, no, you can't go now."

My voice is already breaking, my stomach turning at my blood in his hair.

"We've got so much to do together. Like, like watch the sunrise. I'll see it rise in your eyes, gold trays on a blue ocean" I hear my breathing getting faster, choking on my words.

"You.. have to... pull it out" his are weak, his weight getting heavier as his legs start giving way.

"No! No, I can't" I say desperately, pleading.

"Do it. Please, for me. Fight."

He collapses onto his knees, dragging me down too as I try to keep him on his feet. I feel tears prick my eyes as I stand up and reach for the hilt. They blur the smoking fire into streams of little stars, choking and floating away on to the sky. The sharp tang of metal and smoldering fabric, darkening stains of deep red before I squeeze my eyes shut.

"On three."

A tear runs down my cheek and I shake my head, hearing it patter onto the floor in the stretched silence over my ragged breathing.

"One" the sound is wavering from my lips.

"Two-" this time it's broken and hysteric.

I flinch together, bracing myself, gripping the handle so tight, my whole arm burns and warm blood runs to my fingers.

"I'm sorry... three"

I pull it fast, pressing my shoulders to my ears, feeling its weight swing off my wrist. Whatever I could have tried, nothing could prepare me for the most horrible scream I've ever heard. Nothing through the entire gruesome years of people torturing, shooting, stabbing, bombing eachother, have I heard anything like it. It was the raw, haunting shriek of a dying angel. The first one to die. It vibrates through ribcages and rings like air raids in your ears. Black, the deepest, bloodiest crimson and blinding white. I drop the sword and press my hands to my ears, falling to my knees, tears running down my face. I can't breathe, I'm choking, but there's so much air in my lungs. The atmosphere is still buzzing with it and it'll never stop. Because he was never meant to die, not my innocent Angel. The world won't let them forget and neither will I.

Hate, anger, and revenge burn inside me, I feel them raging, tossing. My fingers digging into my skin until I draw blood. My breaths are so ragged and frayed, they sound torn. I feel it in a massive explosion rising in my chest, and then it erupts like a volcano.

Blue electric lightning strikes through the air, cracking loud as thunder, shaking the ground. The whole sky glows unnaturally purple and blinding. A howl of despair pierces the crackling air, sending shivers down my spine even though the sound is coming from me. Hot sticky dust dances through the air, ashen, grey snowflakes.

"Angel" I sob, crawling over to his broken body. He squints up at me, falling onto his side, trying to sit up. I catch his shoulder and he leans against me. A cough makes his whole body convulse and blood drop from his lips. I grit my teeth to bite back a sob, but it escapes and I choke it into his hair.

"Crowley" he whispers, his head lolling back against my chest, eyes glinting, half-glazed as he looks at me upside down, "your beautiful face."

His fingers gently trace a wobbly line underneath the stinging graze on my cheekbone, then it falls, brushing my jaw. I catch his hand and he curls his fingers around mine. His are trembling less.

"I'm sorry" I say, squeezing it tight, keeping my eyes locked onto his, "for-"

He shakes his head gently and reaches up, beckoning me to him, "closer."

I lean down slightly, "For all the things I never got to say."

He clears his throat and a spatter appears where I'd been tracing his lips and I find myself staring at it as I force out the words, "I'm so sorry. Thank you, for everything... You were right... I- I love you, Angel. I love you. Of course I love you, you idiot... Don't- " My voice breaks and I have to swallow, "Don't leave me because I need you, we were going to save the world. I'll miss you when you're in the stars."

Tears run down my cheeks, warm and empty. The salt stings, everything burns and aches. He reaches up, pulls me even closer, his grip is weak around my neck.

It's all blurred, but I hear his voice, "Do it. Do it again. Kiss me, Angel."

"I'm not an angel, Aziraphale."

"You are to me. You always have been. Your heart is beautifully pure and I got to see it. All I wanted was to get a smile to light up your star-filled eyes... Thank you... I've loved you for ever and ever..."

I lean down to kiss him, feeling his grip tightening around my hand. The sharp tang of blood spreads across my lips, his taste ashen and dusted from the air. They're cold and dying, his hand slipping limply down my chest. I lift my head, turning him to me. Looking down at his face, peaceful and happy. A tear drops onto his cheek and I wipe it away, leaving a red smear.

"Your beautiful coat, Azi" I whisper as I hug his body to mine, "you kept it so nice."

#good omens #crowley #aziraphale #crowley x aziraphale #the second coming #fanfic #I might say I'm happy if made you cry

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

i'm so happy you liked it!!! wow, you're just as insane as I am. life is good. our thoughts are in sync. the tragedy that speaks to the core. thank YOU. it's refreshing to let your slightly crazy thoughts out there and be welcomed. im absolutely insane for their dynamic (im dying to live this). you have no idea (im losing it). i personally think gojo would be relieved once he's king, he's in control now, it's natural to him. there are more possibilities and he's so prepared. but you know what? becoming king has its duties and one of them is that prince!gojo's hand has been promised before he was born. i wonder how he'd cope with that knowing he belongs to someone else. i like to think he'd rebel and refuse the marriage completely (for personal, selfish reasons), but again he isn't childish in the sense of ignoring politics completely, yes? behind playful comments he is indeed a smart man. after all, he was raised to become this. he knows how to navigate the world and understands that his decisions can have massive political impact (and that this can also be negative for his knight, right? he cannot risk losing the power and privileges he owns, how would he be able to protect them? he must play the game as is). i think this might be one of the moments in his life where he'll be the most conflicted. but he'd play nice and polite when his fiance comes to visit him (i think due to gojo's natural disdain for his fiance, casual visits would be encouraged a few weeks before marriage). the first sting of jealousy knight!reader feels and oh. that's when they realize the nature of their feelings for prince!gojo. that it goes a little beyond what they thought. their dynamic might shift a little, things become uncertain and confused. knight!reader might dissociate between it all, not allowing selfish feelings to get in the way. and gojo's so annoyed and he wishes the whole building would just collapse and burn with everyone in it. and there knight!reader is, not so far away, shining only for his eyes. prince!gojo looks at them like begging for forgiveness, help, love and sadness all together while the lady by his side tries to get his attention. it's pathetic, he thinks. but his heart is somewhere else, it belongs to someone else for fucking sake!!! can't anyone see that? their first kiss would probably happen during this time I think. i can see him finding knight!reader at night, carrying the weight of the kingdom on his shoulders. and when his eyes land on them relief washes over him. soft moonlight shyly on knight's confused face asking 'satoru, are you okay?' vulnerability! comfort! home! because they belong to each other deeply, a mere look on each others face is enough to understand something is wrong. the kiss!! his little act of rebellion. he's so proud of it after, it's cute af. can you see? the blushing and all!! difficult times, ah the hurt!! at the end,,, i think ruling by himself is much gojo like, right? it would be somewhat controversial and there would be implications but to him it wouldn't be fair to fill a promise he didn't make, plus he's committed to his knight!reader already. ye? he'd learn so much and mature during this period as well. he'd find strength in his love and his love alone. it fills him with a supernatural sense of responsibility that he finally understands that knight!reader went through (though only a little, as he doesn't get his hands dirty nor commit acts of violence (i hope he does, sincerely)). and yess,,, sorry, it was too much again. or if it doesnt resonate with you, haha. omg. i am simply happy in my element talking to you. yes, uhm. you can call me momo/crazymomo if thats ok? it was supposed to be 'crazymomo' but i guess it kind got f'ed up in the way and i just didnt care about fixing it. im bringing you cake ok!!!!!

HI MOMOOO u r feeding us yet again!!!!! and same same same, its so fun to be insane together i appreciate u sm <333 mickey rlly is a genius bc ive never seen a character/reader dynamic thats caused as much insanity as knight!reader & prince!gojo they had me in a chokehold from the get-go

and OHHH these thoughts momo!!!! so tasty and interesting, i lovelovelove hearing more abt how u interpret them!! when it comes to dynamics like these i feel like everyone has their own take on them at least to some degree and i think its SOSO fun to compare!!!!

BUT OKOK let me get thru this!!! i had so much fun reading this and thinking abt it, u brought up so many things i hadnt considered yet!!

OK SO. king!gojo…… after some contemplation i think i definitely agree w u momo. i feel like satoru relaxes once he has the throne. its tough and a huge responsibility, a weight on his shoulders, but its no longer hanging over him as a burden he’ll one day have to bear, its something he’s gained and grown used to and i think he earnestly loves making a change in the society he lives in. and!! i think he is soso loved. i see him as the type to visit poorer villages all the time, financially support struggling mothers, speak to their babies and hold them all gently HES JUST SO… hes such a good man im gonna be sick. ABSOLUTELY helps all orphans he comes across they may or may not remind him of a certain knight so he cant bear to look away from them

(i do think he still longs to run away w knight!reader tho…. its just a nice daydream to him atp bc its impossible in so many ways but i think he hates the fact that being king means hes moved even further above them on the social ladder)

BUT ANYHOW ANYHOW lets get to the juicy bits. the engagement bits. i have my own take on this that differs from urs a little bit momo but i think urs is soso good and nice and romantic… and i agree on a lot too!! specifically this ohhh u get him soso well!!

behind playful comments he is indeed a smart man. after all, he was raised to become this. 

(…)

(and that this can also be negative for his knight, right? he cannot risk losing the power and privileges he owns, how would he be able to protect them? he must play the game as is.)

^ i agree soso much!!!! i think prince!gojo is very very clever, he enjoys acting goofy and has a very genuinely silly side but i do think hes both intelligent and mature. especially when it comes to politics, both for the sake of his own sense of duty AND what you said — for the sake of knight!reader!! they’re his motivation to become king in the first place, so i don’t see him doing anything that’ll cause too much of a stir; but at the same time… he gets away with a lot.

i do think rejecting his fiancee completely as a prince might be too much (his parents let him do as he pleases for the most part, but theyre not fun to deal with when they start to feel threatened lol), but once hes become king… well.

i think you’re right, momo!! he chooses to lead the nation on his own, with no queen by his side — only one very loyal knight. 

(on the topic of heirs though since thats kind of connected to this… obviously his decision causes quite a stir. who will lead the kingdom when hes gone? a king with no firstborn — how scandalous. and so on.

but satoru doesn’t care. he continues to live his life, do his duty. visiting villages, dealing with neighouring countries… and, well. maybe one day he happens to run into a particularly clever assassin, with a scar on his bottom lip, escaping by the skin of his teeth and thanks to his knight — and, who knows? maybe said assassin, bleeding out, murmurs something about a child, a run-down building, a young life soon to be lost… and maybe satoru finds said child. maybe he even feels compelled to look after him, just for a while, because that unruly hair and those guarded eyes remind him a bit too much of a certain someone.

and if satoru grows fond of said boy, if he raises him as a candidate for the throne, but with an understanding and sympathy that he never received himself — then that’s no one’s business but his own.)

my bad i got carried away PHDKFJFJ back to the topic at hand. (i just needed to bring gumi into this narrative hes my special little boy ALSO maybe just maybe suguru finds an orphaned boy in the woods w pink hair who he takes in and raises as a knight hmmmm.. wonder what that’s all about…..) SORRY IM SORRY theres. so much to think abt when it comes to this au…………..

but anyways. i think satoru abolishes the marriage the moment he becomes king — but until then hes polite, well-mannered, maybe even a tad friendly w his fiancee. just to make it easier for the both of them. he does however make it very, very clear that this is a business partnership in his mind — its not a marriage of love, it never will be. and he’s firm about it. he has no intention of leading her on.

i think he might even go as far as to say his heart belongs to someone else (hes giggling on the inside bro gets butterflies at the thought of belonging to his knight in any way shape or form), with no specifics since he doesnt want to get knight!reader into any kind of trouble with the royal court.

but yes!! this is where i think our takes differ a bit (not at ALL a bad thing i just need to make that clear!!) bc i dont rlly see knight!reader being jealous!! i see their relationship with satoru as very comfortable, w a strong sense of understanding between them. it isnt entirely romantic or entirely platonic — if i had to put it in simple terms i’d just call them soulmates. they were born to save each other. and i think both of them understand that! knight!reader is well aware that satoru doesnt feel a single thing for his fiancee, because he makes it so clear that no one has a place at his side except for knight!reader themselves. so in that sense i dont see that uncertainty appearing!! i think the only one between them who feels frustrated is satoru.

and gojo's so annoyed and he wishes the whole building would just collapse and burn with everyone in it. <- THIS IS SOOOO CANON TO ME BTW i think that when ppl are being annoying around the castle a tiny voice in his head is like ”i hope this building fucking explodes” PHDNDBD HES SO DRAMATIC…. but in this case i think hes just so frustrated, especially if his fiancee/parents make the whole engagement more troublesome than it has to be.

on that note i just gotta mention;

and there knight!reader is, not so far away, shining only for his eyes. prince!gojo looks at them like begging for forgiveness, help, love and sadness all together while the lady by his side tries to get his attention. it's pathetic, he thinks. <- GOD THIS ONE GOT ME THIS ONE GOT ME GOOD momo pls stop im in agony </3 ohhh the way his eyes reflect his soul those sad sad puppydog eyes ☹️☹️ i would fold instantly

so in simple terms!! i think knight!reader and toru feel very at home in their dynamic. i dont think knight!reader would mind at all if satoru got a fiancee — if she made him happy i think they’d even grow fond of her. theyre just very kind and accepting, and dedicated to their prince’s happiness above all else. (but, of course, satoru’s happiness only ever lies with them 😔 stupid silly dense knight.) 

BUT THE KISSSS OHHH THE KISS MOMO…. i see your vision so SO clearly. i picture their kiss by the riverbank like this too — satoru does it w/o thinking overcome by fondness and hes all giggly and giddy after. hes just happy to be alive PDJJDFJ 100% goes for a forehead kiss right after bc his heart is just bursting at the seams and his favorite person ever is right there in front of him!! all blushy and unsure!!! ohhh hes OBSESSED momo u get it ofc u do… ur version of events is so lovely and sweet!! i can really picture is so vividly!!

ANYWAY that was so fun pls never apologize, i lovelovelove long asks like this!! it was such a treat to read!! <33 IM BRINGING U A BIG CAKE TOO tysm for blessing us w this 🎂 (lets share it hehe 🍰🍰) (+ extra piece for mickey in case they see this here u go mickey 🍰)

#this was so fun to think abt i cant thank u enough momo <333 sending u alllll the good vibes!! #ALSOOOOO i think crazymmooo is the cutest name EVER its like ur a lil baby cow!!! so cute!!!! #anyway i know i keep saying this but i really am being dragged down to the pits of insanity #just recently alexis infected me w knight!sugu x royalty reader and now im thinking abt them too 😔😔 it never ends #ask tag ✩

[clementineskesh]

okay palisade 27 thoughts

Lots happening this episode!!

MOTIONNNNN!!! Huge fan of motion coming back. The motion scream appearing since the beginning, the motion engines....even back in partizan, it always felt like she was meant to come back, and i LOVE how this is being done. the images were so good.

I like Dust! I like Occam Olio. I like the Us doppelgangers and "they are not dead. they do not leave the tunnels."

Seeing Jesset again also makes me sooooo happy thats my BOY i am jesset fan numero UNO and unfortunately he did get his ass kicked completely but he was cute while he did it and badass.

Elle showing up was beyond exciting! i love to see her!!!

"no one's PRO-Motion" Art has NOT been speaking to my mutuals

Longer thoughts: The big narrative swings (not talking lucia (which i love also) bc that was last ep) were SO cool i love how immediately invested art got in the motion clock, im obsessed with the choices, jesset being put in mortal peril was honestly very fun for me (tragedy enjoyer who loves to mourn their faves)

it really is brutal how authority sweeps every faction turn. on the one hand, I think there is a really good sense of weight and scale here; the authoritarian rulers of a whole planet are not weak and easily toppled, it would be worse if they were always getting beat.

On the other hand, I don't love the way they're going about it. Art backing away from Occam having a character moment SPECIFICALLY because he didn't want to roll and lose a pillar (especially in comparison to keith rolling when he didn't need to duing the stellar combustor arc) was so disappointing. it just felt like a worse story and less fun play. I did not like that at all.

Even though the sense of "the authority is huge and complex and every victory will be a struggle" is good to me and i prefer it, it kind of sucks to feel like the blue channel only faction that DOES anything (even baseline/violet cove mission was mostly a success even though they took the baseline L) Like gucci saying "what do you think we do all day?" girl i think they had your number!! you people are seeming pretty unhelpful!!! i would like it if not just Our Heroes but the entire organization were pulling their weight.

The final thing that occurred to me during the first conflict with jade kill and then got solidified later with art is i think its a huge problem that Hexagon doesnt have more named characters. Blank Shore and Occam Olio and SIlverbrick, the attendants of Gentian, all the higher ups of the Bilats, they have all gotten screen time and exploration and interest from the players. By contrast, most of the named Hexagon members pre-exist the faction games, and they are a lot less fleshed out. The twilight mirage character jack mentioned didnt even get a name. they dont care about them, and we have no one To care about.

So i think in the end i like all the narrative turns this took in terms of big swings and choices, but the energy is leaving me feeling kind of disappointed and uninvested in the individual dice rolls and events and attempts. like i enjoy what they do with the outcomes, but getting to the outcomes this week felt pretty :/ I just wish they would care about the cause too!!! i like what they do with authority but i like the cause and i feel like we dont know them at ALL!

our one former exception was baldwin home who was an outside perspective who deepened the connection a lot, and now he's dead, so like, they've all just become pieces on a board instead of people.

#leaving mostly happy but happiness isnt as conducive to writing out thoughts. happiness just makes me go wheeeeeeeeeeee #i did like the episode i had fun i gasped i yelled. but overall theres some stuff i am tired of thats making it #less fun i guess

[intersexfairy]

using tumblr as a journal for a moment. parents just gaslit the fuck out of me i think. its a long disorganized rant becaus ei cant fucking process whatever the hell just happened.

i came back from an appt with my GP and came home to tell my parents about it. he referred me to a new cardio and gave me a referral for neurosurgey. so. i tell my parents. and they barely reply. so i keep asking if they understand how serious this is, why they wont reply.

it turns into lecturing me about how i need to do more around the house. how i need to lose weight. they use any example of me doing anything to ask why im not doing chores. they demand i use what little energy i have on housework. i asked if i was selfish and they basically affirmed. my dad told me to stop focusing on all these doctors and go get a job.

i told them i have nerve damage. everything i do hurts. i told them im being evaluated for a serious disorder wiht ptoentailly fatal complications. i told them the time they DENIED ME MEDICAL CARE, i partially dislocated my knee, and my PT says so. they. just kept. attacking me. they always bring up the "we can't take care of you forever" "what are you gonna do when we're gone" and i told them i'd suffer bc i can't take care of myself and their frustration with having to take care of me (WHICH THEY BARELY FUCKING DO) is their burden. they chose to be parents.

my dad told me he didnt sign up to be a parent. he didnt sign up to take care of me for life because he has to take care of my mom (also doesnt do that either). im a fucking dead beat child to them. i was crying in front of them. my dad demands i do a family session and wants a release to talk to my therapist. when i said i wanted privacy and i dont trust him, he said he has a right to my medical records if he has to take care of me. he said maybe i need someone to decide what's right for me if i keep making bad decisions.

i kept trying to walk away and they kept saying not t walk away, we're not walking away, i told them i didnt want to talk and they guilted me, manipulated me, made me feel like i was the bad guy. my dad said i'm just lazy and i'm choosing to not be able to do things like chores.

i finally got fed up and took my laptop/etc. to my room. shut myself in here and now im trying to get high or incapactiated. got tehrapy tonight. 5:30pm est. fuck everthing

#julian rants #abuse tw #drugs tw #vent

[skadream]

happy ummm 8th month on t? (9th if i were actually on t continuously but i ran out for a month that one time) i used to do monthly t updates on tiktok but i dont rlly feel like doing that rn so i'll yap about it here (its actually wild how little stuff i have about my transition on my tumblr generally speaking? as if this isnt the website that transed my gender in the first place)

it really is hard to notice such gradual changes from month to month, especially if its just me lookin at myself, compared to seeing a doctor in person which, i am getting rx'd T thru telehealth currently as my nearest planned parenthood or even a neighboring one does not actually do gender affirming care which is. insane and whack. esp when i do live in a pretty populated county maybe second or third to nyc and albany area. and i have to call in to a pp THREE HOURS BY TRANSIT from me. but like, its been working for now ok!

mentally and emotionally ive been very up and down overall but i think thats largely due to my medication changes rather than hormones. ALTHOUGH. when i ran out for a month in november and my period came back... dude it was so horrible like genuinely the worst period of my life. its one of those things where i didnt realize just how dysphoric something could make me feel until i had a taste of being able to alleviate said dysphoria. so mentally speaking testosterone is probably pulling the mental train even more than the wellbutrin lol. and im trying not to account too much for circumstance/environment cuz like OBVIOUSLY if things were going smoothly for me there a lot of my emotional issues would be at least somewhat relieved, but im working with what i got.

physically, since starting t in july i have lost weight. at first i was very scared it was my medication, and i think a part of it was at least a little, like two of my meds can cause some weight loss, but i am no longer losing weight in a concerning way but just yknow the regular amount of daily fluctuation. so i do think a lot of my weight loss was due to hormones just shifting around my fat and all that, or something idk lol. everyones so diff with hormones, i know some trans guys gain weight on t and not necessarily from muscle training, i know girls on e who have lost weight without any changes to diet or exercise, it really depends so as always, this is just my experience etc etc

i do have more facial hair but its still quite patchy, i think i might start filling in my stache tho. with my shitty goatee, its not my fav so i shave it off when im not just sitting inside all day, but also idk it makes my chin feel less. round. or smth. i do always think of my one friend telling me ill look like the lead singer of a nü metal band and honestly maybe i should start giving that energy more anyway! embrace goatee lifestyle!

oh yeah my voice dropped in like the first two months and has gotten deeper since, and on timtom i talked a lot about wanting to maintain the vocal range i had pre-t? i dont think thats fully possible like i think the highest notes i used to reach are just inaccessible to me, but i think if i did some like vocal singing warmups i can get back up to reach those higher notes. in retrospect the way ive sung my whole life has actually prob been destructive on my voice, partly from lack of proper training and partly intentionally trying to sound deeper and more gravelly, but now that i can access deeper sounds more naturally i really do wanna work on singing in a better way where i can reach some of those notes.

overall yea im liking whats happening so far, i do wish it was happening faster but i understand that some people dont get the progress ive gotten for like, YEARS, and new progressions will be happening to me for years after today. if you think about "real" puberty, it is a gradual shift its not like you suddenly grow a chest as soon as you Bleed or whatever its different for literally every person and since im the only one in my family that i know of who has done this, im kind of a guinea pig. but like im okay with that! anyway yeah really recommrnd testosterone if u want it i like it :)

[honeyxgang]

im slowly being forced outta retirement bc nobody is writing the fic ideas i have in my head so to start here’s some waka headcanons. mostly sfw but gets spicy toward the end so yktv mdni

Short King Waka Headcanons 🤲

SFW

doesnt just like trolling people, he can also be very playful

actually did really well in school just didnt like going relatable

shit almost went left in his youth with alcohol but his friends helped him through shoutout to the final timeline

loves kissing and his favorite feature on a potential love interest is lips so hope you’ve been hydrating. bonus points if you have on a gloss instead of lipstick. the shine catches his attention

is eternally grateful to rihanna for fenty gloss he’s now willing to go to war for her

if he really likes someone he gives them a nickname

is very physically affectionate. hugs, cuddles, holding hands, etc he doing allat

since he has an oral fixation he actually takes really good care of his teeth + makes sure his lips are always moisturized

aka straight, white teeth + and a literal perfect smile 😩

wears cologne. he smells delicious. probably the mixture of the cologne and pheromones

doesnt enter into romantic relationships often instead being more likely to flirt casually with absolutely no intention of it going anywhere/the occasional one night stand

believes in letting girls down gently if they do catch feels though

team his parents are alive. no sibs though

gets mistaken for a child me too

has a motorcycle and a car (i see him as a man with money idc idc idc)

deflee into rap, hip hop, and r&b

comes off very very very aloof until he gets to know someone. he’s not shy through

some girls are disappointed to get to know him and find out he’s not even the stereotypical bad boy/fuckboy. dude watches documentaries and enjoys learning new things and is completely unashamed of that and would probably be first to apologize in a fight. his version of netflix & chill is him putting on a wwii documentary and you not being there

that’s one way to pique his interest though teach him something he didnt know before

wears other jewelry too (necklace, bracelet)

the type of bf who would lose his mind if you got a necklace with his name or initials

very laidback and slow to anger

he fought in his youth because he was targeted for his height. then he kept fighting bc he liked throwing his weight around 🤷‍♀️

hates bugs to the point where he might make you go kill whatever has got in 😐

could use some work with verbal communication (“im glad manjiro died” cmon bruh. ik that happened in one of the fucked up timelines however im sure he still sucks bc he only talks to 3 people)

by that i mean he can come off sounding harsh af when that’s not his intention. unfortunately he’s a straight arrow. hope you have tough skin

NSFW

keeping in line w black twitter’s “dudes w the best d” ranking since he is both skinny and short he is hung like a horse that’s where his height went and knows what he’s doing when laying pipe 🤌

high school was a very horny time for him

you would not fucking guess that just by looking at him and idk where he tucks his third leg

seriously theres always a moment of silence when he gets his pants off. whoever is about to have their spine realigned is like 👀 and he’s just sitting there like 😏

tripod is long and thick good luck sis 🫡

doesn’t do one night stands often or at his place bc once somebody gets a taste they’re ready to commit to his dick marriage

uses condoms bc he’s not ready for fatherhood. if he doesn’t have any he’s not penetrating. yall can do oral though

1000/10 in bed because he likes eating pussy AND will fold you into the mattress 🧎‍♀️

loves getting his dick sucked and he 100% believes in dsl’s 🫦

they gotta look natural though. he has a grudge against kylie jenner for influencing so many people to get botched lip injections 😒

he’s gonna watch bc the way somebody lips stretch to fit him + get all red and plump from putting in work? >>>>>>>

100% the type to grab hair

and the headboard

also will push your knees to your chest if yall in missionary seriously he’s small but man’s is strong

comes to the slow conclusion that he’s an ass man and therefore loves anything from behind

if you’re sending nudes gon head and send something in a thong or g string. if you haven’t heard from him in a few days he might call you

will spank you. just be ready for that

believes life is too short for bad sex and therefore is permanently on demon time 😮‍💨

you’re going to question all of your life choices once youve survived finished. also good luck walking

maybe take a day off work

in conclusion i am down bad

#waka #wakasa imaushi #tokyo revengers #headcanons #i love you short king #this was fun #cant wait to hyperfixate on one of my other faves and do one for him #to the like 5 waka stans that are still active this is for you ☝️ #imaushi wakasa #TokyoRev

[amysubmits]

hey Amy, I wish your doing well..

I wanted to ask you for an advice.

I am not really self conscious about my body and my body image and how much I weight, but I am not really confident in my body either. In the last month or two I have gained weight not much but it was my first time seeing that number on the scale, I am fine with it and I am accepting it because it was final exams season and I was under so much stress so I am going easy on myself. And so was my Daddy, he has been supporting, didnt make me feel bad about it. But he said after you are done with your finals you will eat better and lose the extra weight, it was like him caring for me rather than him saying that as an order. I do agree that I wanna get in shape better, eat better and exercise to just get me back on check. Now that I am done with my finals, I was telling him about me being thick and that a pair of pants got so tight on me and he responded with yes you are thick and you "need" to lose a little bit of weight. The way he said it made me upset, that he said I "need" to. I honestly don't know if am a little overreacting or not, can you advise me on how to communicate better in such situations..

PS he isn't toxic and he isn't controlling and he loves my body and always supports me, this our 1st incident regarding my weight at all..

Hi Anon,

I think it's super understandable that you feel hurt by what he said even if he didn't mean it negatively at all.

Like you, I don't see myself as having body-image issues in general. I feel really privileged for that.

And yet...I know I would still have a really negative reaction if anyone told me they thought I needed to lose weight. In a lot of ways, that coming from your partner makes it extra painful, I'd think.

I can't tell for sure from your ask if he was basically giving his opinion of what he thinks you should do, or if he was saying that you eating better and losing weight would be something he's imposing on you as your dom. If it was the latter, I personally really disagree with that. I just think weight loss is something that should not be brought into D/s. I think eating healthier can maybe be okay in some D/s dynamics but I think that should only happen if it's coming from the sub.

For lots of things, I think it's okay for the dom to propose rules or expectations. Of course, the sub would still have to agree to those ideas for them to be implemented. But eating, diet, exercise, etc are one of the areas where I think rules or expectations should only be brought into D/s if they are suggested by the sub, and if they are coming from a healthy mindset. For example, if a sub wanted to start exercising 4x a week, not because they hate themselves, but for emotionally healthy reasons, and they asked their Dom to hold them to that expectation, I think that can be okay for some subs. But I don't think a dom should ever tell a sub that they need to start exercising or eating a certain way. And even when a sub is the one initiating the change, I think it's best to focus it on a positive replacement rather than on a negative. For example, I think a rule like "eating 3 servings of veggies per day" is a way healthier rule to use to encourage healthy changes rather than "No more than 1 sweet/dessert per week". I don't think that a requirement or expectation of weight loss is ever okay to bring into D/s. I guess I should put a disclaimer in here that this is just my values, I'm not a mental health professional or anything like that. I feel pretty strongly though that some things like expecting weight loss or having a dom control a subs food intake, is really unhealthy. And, given that your dom has now said you 'need to' lose weight, I personally would have a hard time giving him power of anything to do with your eating or fitness because I would struggle to see even positive rules/expectations as being well intended now.

Anyway. My goal with the conversation you have with your Dom would be to express the following:

That it hurt your feelings when they said that you need to lose weight. That you disagree that you need to and that it's a hurtful thing to say even if you did feel you needed to lose weight.

That you haven't consented to them controlling your weight or your diet, so them telling you what you were going to do in this area is not appropriate.

With you saying that you felt that they had your best interest in mind, you can sort of soften these statements some by explaining that you know they meant well. Still, that doesn't change that they hurt you and overstepped their role so it's important to make that clear. It's really about defending your boundaries or the limits of your D/s dynamic.

If you agree with me that this just isn't an area that D/s should be involved with, I'd encourage you to express that belief to him so that he understands it's not really about exclusively what he said, and is more about it just not being a healthy thing to do with D/s.

Or - if he wasn't trying to impose these eating and weight loss expectations on you in a D/s way, but still stated it as something you need to do? Then I'd still explain to him that it was hurtful, and then explain how as a sub, if he tells you that you need to do something, even if he isn't specifically proposing it as a rule or D/s expectation, that as his sub, anytime he tells you that you 'need' to do something, it carries a lot more weight than someone else saying the same thing would. In this case, I'd think he needs to recognize how powerful his words are to you.

Best of luck to you.

Ps - I am a bit worried that this post might trigger some strong reactions from other people. It's a really sensitive topic. So before I even publish this, I want to add that the reason I am not providing a more strongly-worded reaction myself is because the anon specifically said she feels her dom is not toxic, and that he was coming from a place of care. My instinct is to not see a statement like 'you need to lose weight' that way - but I trust that she knows her dom better than I ever could from a single ask. So I based my answer around trusting her assumption.

#weight loss cw #weight loss tw #body image cw #body image tw #asks

[martialprincessblog]

Little story time on how I gained weight.

I left my boyfriend for 4 months and during those 4 months I was living with my bestfriend who've I've known since I was 12 and yayo was our friend. I moved out of her house and moved back with my parents. I started talking to my boyfriend after I kept fighting with my family. I was 132lbs when I went back to my boyfriend and decided to quit and get clean. ( I didn't know how hungry you could get after getting clean.) He told me he would change and do things differently. I fell for it and fell back in love. During that time, he wrote in a book everyday about how much he loved me. He told me he was talking to one of his clients sisters and didn't know how to end things, he said he didnt have feelings for her like he did me. As I was seeing him more he agreed he always saw me having his kids. I stop drinking alcohol and coffee and we were trying. I didnt care about the calories I ate because I was only thinking about the baby I would be carrying. THEN Only for me to go through his phone a few weeks later to find out he came in that girl (clients sister) and she left her house at 4am to get a pregnancy test and crashed her car.. (shes still alive). After that we had a huge fight, he scared my chest with glass and I blocked him on everything and started drinking HEAVILY for 4 months. I gained sooo much weight. Now, im fat and have no child. If I don't lose weight, I think I might.. i dont know. I lost my good friend I was living with, she does yayo daily. Im back with my parents and feel so disgusted with myself. But, the comfort I'm getting from losing pounds is beautiful to me.

#ana trigger #disordered eating thoughts #low cal meal #ana butterfly #ana meal #tw ana diary #bonespø #i wanna lose weight #mean$po #sk1nn1 #ana vent #tw ana related #bul1m1c #bul1mic #ed but not sheeran #disorderd eating #ed bllog #ed not sheeren #sk11ny #sk1nsp0 #skinnymeal

[bonesandthebees]

5. rocketduo

thinking about rocketduo again bc damn them, they have captured my brain

glass!rocketduo are so fun to me, like what do you mean you didnt know tommy and wilbur survived lmao, like yeah, I understand, they probably didnt want to ask about it to not be weird but its still funny to me, poor guys had quite the scare (for what they did more than deserved tho)

that brings up the question of what do deathlings think about ghosts? it would make sense for them to believe, krisitin not accepting a soul or a soul not wanting to go until they get peace, anyway I got distracted again

I think they regretted what they did. they probably didnt get enough time before seeing crimeboys are alive to have fully admitted that to themselves, but just going from their initial reactions right after killing tommy and to seeing them alive and than dealing with the consequences its clear they havent thought it through, they didnt think about howd they feel about killing tommy, how it wouldnt be worth the revenge. like im not saying they are necessarily morally above murder, but this is tommy and they used to be friends and it all happened in a burst of emotions, anger, but in the end it couldnt have been what they wanted, right? we see they regret it, clearly niki wasnt counting on losing wilbur, even tho it was pretty clear of you thought about what they wanted to do, but even jack and tommy, I believe

the truce. its yet again super interesting to me. bc after what jack (and niki) did, being the last to strike, basically, it had to be proposed by tommy, the one whos turn it is, going with basic revenge rules. otherwise it would seem a bit weak, desperate coming from rocketduo. but on the other hand tommy is who started this and the one whose stubbornness caused it to go this far (ive been saying it this whole time and ill say it again, tommy shouldve apologised AND admit he was wrong (which he was, even with his intentions he mustve seen it, looking back at it) bc this whole thing couldve been avoided with this (its so cool to see your characters being so human, not always doing the right things and having ugly traits and not being perfect, im just loving digging through the complicated moral stuff in this story)) and so him proposing this truce, giving it the same weight as his murder attempt at jack, to me, looks like admitting that his murder attempt was just as justified as jacks was (aka admitting that he was as wrong for doing so as jack was, on one hand doing it as a self-preservation (in one situation of their dignity/freedom in the other of their actual lives) on the other just being wrong

also interesting is how the truce is formulated outloud only between jack and tommy but bc of the nature of their relationships or automatically translates to wilbur and niki too and how they just accept that decision, stating their feelings about it (the trust is lost, but there care is still lingering and will probably never go away)

anyway, I wonder what was going through their heads when they showed up when tommy and wilbur were leaving, like how much of it was show-up-so-others-dont-ask (tho others know about the tension from the first murder attempt) and how much was no-matter-what-happened-i-cant-let-them-leave-without-seeing-them-one-last-time, id like to think its mostly the other, for niki its pretty obvious with wilbur, but tommy, niki and jack lived together for quite a while, jack and tommy would often go on runs together, they were friends, jack and wilbur were also somewhat friends, and jack must recognise, maybe unconsciously, that wilbur didnt really cause any of it, just got tangled in. and going completely away is very different from just ignoring each other so after all is settled and they have the "truce" ofc they had to go see them before leaving yk

we see jacks gaze, lingering on tommy, revealing some regrets he might have about what he did, now that the anger has been pushed out (literally) and now all he sees is what (who) he lost. and with niki and wilbur, obviously, wilbur doesnt trust niki but he still waves back, he makes sure she can see his metal fingers (he knows she will understand what that means to him, plus its something they have in common, another way they can understand each other, bc while the trust has been broken the care and understanding remains)

(if I ever try and get adhd diagnosis ill just show them how many parentheses I use and speedrun it)/j

in my head the reason rocketduo didn't know that wilbur and tommy survived is that rocketduo got back from the palace stinking of smoke with their throats raw having just worked together to murder their friend. they did not talk to a single person, they both just went to their rooms and passed the fuck out. and everyone else in the temple was pretty much in the same boat in terms of being exhausted, so no one really bothered going to breakfast the next morning. phil just did a headcount to make sure everyone lived and everyone kind of just meandered out on their own time to get their food. and both jack and niki made a point of not talking to any of the other deathlings because they both had some conflicted feelings over what they'd done. if they'd had another few hours, niki probably would've gone to the infirmary on her own to see if wilbur had made it out.

deathlings don't really believe in ghosts but you know how irl there's always people who are like "I don't really believe but like if I see evidence-" that's kind of how I see jack. niki, not so much. if you notice she didn't actually say anything about them being ghosts. that's because unlike jack, she knew they weren't ghosts. she knew the moment she saw them that they'd both survived and realized that now she had to face what she'd done

tommy absolutely should've admitted that he was in the wrong when he tried to kill jack before. all of this could've been avoided. but he didn't, because tommy has a lot of issues. but he's also started to learn from his mistakes. example: him calling the truce. tommy finally realized that meeting anger with anger doesn't get you anywhere. an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind and all that. he understands that if he were to try and get back at jack for killing him, the cycle would just continue on and on. and of course, like you said, he recognizes that jack was justified in doing what he did. he sees now how his own actions led to this.

niki and jack both showing up to see tommy and wilbur leave was 100% them wanting to see the two of them before they went. there was no matter of appearances. it was the lingering care they both still have for their friends despite everything that's happened. it's wilbur and niki yes, but it also genuinely is the lingering attachment both jack and niki have to tommy. they've been friends with him for years. they both cared for him for a very long time and despite everything that care isn't completely gone. they have to see him leave. both of them.

but of course niki and wilbur have the most tension in that moment. because wilbur makes sure she sees his fingers, and she knows what she did to him. she deeply cared about wilbur and still does, and wilbur does still care about her as well. like you said, it's an understanding they now share. and in a way, wilbur choosing to wave at her was a peace offering. one that says he's not going to forget what happened, but in the future when he and tommy come back, maybe they can recover some of what was lost.

#ask #jiksvokrat #glass ch 28