#bc some people hate being tagged and idk

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

[coolcarabiner]

lesbians who are terfs will never make any sense to me crying about the supposed exclusivity of the “female experience” like my brother in christ she experienced an othered, lonely, confusing childhood where she was made to feel inadequate in her gender, sexuality, or both just the same as you and instead of letting this unify you against patriarchy you just enforce it on other people to maintain the sliver of “power” you think you have. how do u not see how dumb this is oh my god

#like trans women are hurt by the patriarchy they don’t benefit from it you fucking coconuts bc even if they were ‘men’ (they’re not) #they’d be men who cannot live up to the standards set by patriarchy!!!! this is feminism 101 yet some people run their mouths like it’s 1912 #like dude. she’s doing gender and sexuality in a way cishet society hates just like u are. please be fucking smart and realize attacking her #only hurts YOU and loses YOU the same bodily autonomy u wanna deny her for the sake of “’saving ur lesbian brethren’ or what the fuck ever #you’re hurting cis women trans women intersex people EVERYONE because you’re so obsessed w feeling special for being perceived as a woman #and then being harmed for it that you can’t even see that the women you hate so much experience the EXACT SAME SHIT. use ur brain!!!!!! #anyways sorry read some takes from some lesbians in LC and got way too heated. god bless u trans dykes i love u trans dykes #idk what to tag this so. ya #posts

[estravenlover]

HATER NATION!!! what’s the most annoying fan interpretation of aziraphale and crowley

#okay so I’m so glad you asked because mine is that people think aziraphale never experienced any hardship #and the crowley is somehow lightly abused by aziraphale all the time #bc crowley is a poor little meow meow and aziraphale doesn’t understand pain and only has nonsense emotions #I also don’t like that people like god so much in the fandom I feel like textually she sucks and won’t fix things like that’s the point #aziraphale #good omens #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #crowley #u guys can fight over it in the tags it will be fun!!!! this isn’t real and therefore not that deep #okay also I hate that aziraphale is never butch when he’s a girlie in fanart #like it’s fun when he’s femme too but idk I just think he would like being butch too #I also don’t buy that aziraphale was drugged by metatron I’m sorry that theory doesn’t make sense to me #I have some irl critical thoughts about good omens and fan treatment of the show but this is just silly for fun complaints

[coulsonlives]

Omg, Dante Basco ships Zutara! My life is complete.

#EDIT: taking this from the zutara tag and locking bc some of y'all are NOT it. #this was never supposed to be a 'gotcha! see i told you your ships suck and mine rule! i have the VOICE ACTOR on my side!' post #i like most of the ships in this show. i'm just happy to learn at least one of the voice actors even ships something #like the amount of ppl who reblogged this to shit on other ships when i also ship those things.. i'm right here.. #have some common courtesy please i beg. because why are we acting like if you ship or post about zutara you have no other atla ships #and that you hate all those other ships #icb i just walked into all of that #ALSO apparently azula is totally irredeemable i guess? i didn't get that impression at ALL #she's a groomed child with clear mental health problems and idk if i can get behind her being irredeemable #doesn't have to be forgiveness but cmon. why are people so pressed about her coming to terms w her actions and finding adequate peace #can we just enjoy the show and not rip each other apart #anyways here are the og tags: #i'm watching the lwatla series with him #every time there's a kataang moment he says 'kataang!' too in a knowing way lol he knows all the ships before he's even seen the show #it's so funny #aang #katara #atla #atla aang #atla katara #avatar the last airbender #dante basco #shipping

[fleshdyke]

#csa warning for tags #ughhh ik i was just talking abt this but man. Man. constantly bullied as a child + raped as a child is a brutal combo huh #completely irreversibly fucked up sense of intimacy. i dont want to have sex with anyone i dont care what ppl think of me looks wise but i #also care more than anything and want people to want me so bad #like when ur only experience with anyone at all finding you desirable is being raped at 6ish. fucks u up man #was constantly told by everyone i knew that i was undesirable from day fucking one. i was always the one ppl would dare their friends to #'ask out' bc everyone thought i was that bad. i never had those rumours of 'some boy likes you' without people laughing in the background #all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or #whatever. and i just never had that. it feels like i missed out on something important #i want to be pursued by a guy i hate i want them to not leave me alone. i want to feel like im in danger. and i know how fucking disgusting #that is but i cant help it. like i feel like thats the only way im going to feel normal and wanted like theres not something inherently #wrong with me. and i know how dangerous that is but its not like it matters anyways bc still no one likes me at all. #and i know how stupid of a thing it is to obsess over like what am i 9 years old? but i just cant get it out of my head #like idk i feel like the only way im going to actually feel desirable at all is if someone tries to rape me again. or if i feel like i have #to worry about someone raping me again. i know i wouldnt feel that way if someone was like. nice about it. #bc if someone genuinely liked me and was a decent human being about it i wouldnt be able to see it as anything other than faking it for pit #i wouldnt be able to believe it. even if i wasnt waiting for them to drop the joke and start laughing at me i would always think it was jus #an act bc they feel bad for me. the only way i could ever think it's genuine and that i'm desirable at all is if someone sexually #harassed me. like idk how to explain it but thats the only way i could feel desirable at all #bc it's the only way i've ever been desirable. when i was a kid. #and it terrifies me so bad bc i know how fucking disgusting that is and how self destructive it is #but i still feel like i dont even have to really worry about being assaulted. bc i still believe im completely undesirable at my core. #i dont believe i could be desired so i dont believe i have to worry about being raped. bc no one would want to anyways #rambles #vent

[toytulini]

Okay i have yet to see a post about this that isnt filled with ppl being Annoying as Fuck on it, but,

theyve found wreckage of the submersible, it imploded (thank god, thats better than a drawn out suffocation over the course of several days, implosion means it was pretty much instantaneous) and the us navy have revealed they heard a weird sound on sunday from about where communication with the sub was lost, that was probably the sound of the implosion, [implied that they didnt say anything cos they didnt want to jump to conclusions without evidence of a wreckage, if there was a chance they were still alive.] no idea what the banging sounds were.

I do hope rescue efforts are extended to the migrants off the coast of greece, and am angry and horrified at their mistreatment, and that the media clearly cares less for their fates than that of the billionaires on the sub.

also, while i have you here,

The difference between a submersible and a submarine is not that one is safer. The titan was a submersible that was unsafe, but that is not because it was a submersible.

A submarine (or sub) is a watercraft capable of independent operation underwater.

A submersible is a watercraft designed to operate underwater, usually supported by a nearby surface vessel, platform, shore team or sometimes a larger submarine.

submarines generally dont go as deep as our deepest submersibles, but some can be down there for months at a time bc it is like. a self sufficient Ship. not all submersibles can go crazy deep, but to my knowledge, the only crewed vessels that can go that deep, are submersibles. (Alvin, deepsea challenger, limiting factor, trieste, fendouzhe or "striver").

#toy txt post #titan submersible #if ppl start being annoying on this post. ill turn off reblogs and block all of you. make your own post. #reblog the other ones where people are already being annoying #yes i hate billionaires. but im glad it was a quick death. it was a horrific situation. hope those migrants are given support and help. #i hope oceangate is fined to hell and back and bankrupted and never gets to put anyone in any sort of vehicle ever again #especially not in the ocean. im a little glad that ceo is dead in his own stupid sub im just frustrated he was able to take other ppl with #him. the fact that he was able to operate that unregulated non safety standard meeting ass vehicle and charge people money to ride in it is #fucking insane and unconcioable however you spell that #and now i need to go shower real quick and try to get like. a little over 3hrs of sleep. which will suck but i did accidentally nap for #like? 2 hrs already so it doesnt suck as bad as it could. goodnight please dont be stupid on this post please please please #if you have a hot take on the situation im begging you to hot take it Some Where Else! thank you! good bye #im not gonna bother linking shit feel free to fact check just fuckin. google titan submersible. James Cameron is tossing his 2 cents in now #saw 2 separate articles on that already. thats fine i guess he has been down there in safer vehicles so i guess he can shit talk how unsafe #it is. anyway. saw someone in the comments of a post say it was a submersible bc it was too unsafe to be a submarine and i wanted to start #screaming. thats not what those fucking words mean! at all! god! #irl death #idk what else to tag #behave. bye

[swagart-man]

Idk why but I'm paranoid about the wdy fandom here for some reason like I just feel like someone's gonna cause drama here and shits gonna hit the fan and it's gonna be like wdy twitter

Idk man I'm just scared I don't want there to be drama again...

#kylepat.txt #ok gonna vent in the tags but #the wii deleted you fandom on twitter legit chased me off the site #bc they hated the fact that i liked SO and supported the devs #like i was genuinely scared to post anything about SO bc of some people on there #which sucks bc i love SO alot #like its my main hyperfixation at the moment #and in fact i got dragged into drama surrounding SO just bc i talked about it alot #idk now i see anything related to SO here and now i panic slightly bc im afraid that its going to cause drama #which sucks bc i just want to enjoy the thing that makes me happy #i still like wii deleted you but geez #the fact that im afraid to post stuff about the thing that i like just sucks #i just want to enjoy the thing that i love in peace #without being afraid that dramas going to start

[0809sysblings]

it is always a little funny to me when people try to make psychologists and psychiatrists out to be the only people ever capable of being able to accurately diagnose mental illnesses and disorders and that their word is law as a way to criticize self diagnosis when like. once i was hospitalized and the psychiatrist there who i had not even known for more than a day tried to diagnose me as bipolar despite me having No history of mania because he.. couldn't really understand why i acted the way i did i guess???

#milgran't #tw hospital #tw psych ward #i just randomly remembered this (i say randomly as if i dont know exactly why im thinking about this stuff). dont mind me #tbh i should make a tag for like. more personal posts. but. idk what to make the tag name.. #oh well #apologies for not being cool and collected and expressing things that show that im a human with emotions and needs recently #The Holidays are probably. one of the worst times of the year for me </3 #its not even seasonal depression or whatever its just Oh Jesus Oh Fuck Oh God (gets hit by 99999 trauma bullets) #that psychiatrist sucked SOOOO fucking bad btw #trying to prematurely diagnose me as bipolar was one of the tamest things he did during my stay #i hate him i genuinely hope he dies <3 #tbh i think he actually did. Break The Law with me. he probably couldve argued it was for the safety of others bc im crazy :3. but. #sometimes i just Remember That and im like. huh. hey what the fuck actually #but seriously. so many mental health professionals just make you sit there and go. .. how the FUCK did you get your license?????? #ive heard some of The Most ''oh only people who are completely ignorant about mental health say this!'' type of shit from professionals #idk why im the one being labelled as insane when they think saying some of that shit is okay and professional MFKDLSFMDSf

[pogasm]

.

#kinda chronically offline so idrk much ab what’s going on (too busy being homeless #but if anyone has some links to support gaza nd palestine pls dm or tag me? id like to do smth #also ive kinda kept myself away frm this bc i’m scared of c*n*ry m*ssion (i am a student) #and i’d like to not get kicked out of school? but like. isn’t it insane that speaking against genocide can cost you ur livelihood #anyways. idk i hate talking ab this ive seen the news and death tolls and it’s really depressing ive seen enough beheaded babies #my heart hurts sm for all these people being killed and it hurts feeling like i can’t do anything? #i havé so much rage at the injustice but i don’t have an outlet for it so. hi do what to do? i feel like a bystander and i hate that #anyways. idk why i made this ab me i just need some ways to support palestine so if u find any send them my way

[deus-and-the-machina]

ngl the worst thing about the xenoblade fandom (which I think is the root cause of a lot of other issues) is that it’s mostly on twitter. I have to subject myself to twitter for any real consistent fan talk or content. legit there's always some new stupid topic of argument ive noticed in the past few weeks on there and its all very silly and frustrating and what im saying is everyone should move to Tumblr. please. for me. 

#siren says #the other root problem in the fandom is that as of 2 there's just a lot of fans who are clearly there for sexy anime lady reasons. and that #in turn bleeds into certain peoples perception of those characters as mostly sex symbols and attracts a lot of...certain kinds of #individuals. specifically ones who dont really understand what fandoms basic principals are. the amount of times ive seen someone going "um #but thats not canon or some comment along those lines is so stupidly high. and I thought it was just homophobia and certainly part of it is #but I also saw it on a fucking glimmer/nikol art??? like. neither of them have any other love interests and its a perfectly cute if cliche #pairing and you STILL have people being contrarian? I think a lot of these gamer bro types just dont understand basic fandom guidelines ngl #and idk I also feel kind of alienated from other queer fans bc I kind of like some of the ships most of them hate and I felt like if I ever #tried to reach out it would just be awkward idk. at least the people I see on tw who I think are very cool writers or artists or whatever #xenoblade really should be bigger on here Tumblr goes on and on about the romanticization of cannibalism and weird divine imagery #and machines that are also alive and maybe even angels and im like. BOY HOWDY DO I HAVE A SERIES FOR YOU #including saga and gears btw ESPECIALLY them actually. tumblr would love A's gender fuckery I just know it but A is stuck to mostly being #known by twitter a cruel fate for an enby if I ever saw one. free A :((((( #actually I just need to get a bunch of Aros into xenoblade they'd understand me then :3 understand me and my nontraditional relationship hcs #xenoblade #putting this in the main tags o7 pray for me

[waywardsalt]

now bc of that one post abt zelda getting fridged whenever that one guy directs a zelda game im thinking abt tetra just getting turned to stone in ph and like. what would it have been like if she were an actual character in ph. what would she have done how would this have changed the story

#not gonna do a whole lot of tagging im just musing. if you wanna rb or reply with ideas thats great #im not the person to figure this out bc i dont actually care much abt tetra #not like oh i hate her but like. i only played ph and what i see of her beyond that has not endeared me to her #shes fine i just dont get it. ig cuz i didnt play ww but eh #cuz like. ok. pretty much the majority of phs plot relies on tetra having been turned to stone and fixing that #and me being the autistic little freak i am the psrt that also makes it hard for me to wonder what could happen if #tetra werent stone and that making the game better is like. ok what about linebeck and his arc #listen his arc is so fucking good and hes great and i dont think his arc would have been so good if link wasnt the character he was put wit #cuz link is a great foil and despite having minimal characterization has just the right personality to nudge linebeck along #cuz hes def part of what inspires some of that change in linebeck so idk what might have happened #if tetra was an active player interacting with him in ph too. cuz like idk most of the time when i see people #do stuff where they interact its usually tetra one upping linebeck or whatever and thars like. ok thats whar ciela does #maybe im reading into it too much and focusing on linebeck. idk how you couldve done and changed #the plot of ph to include tetra without just straight up rewriting the whole thing or putting link away #bc look me in the eyes. i do not think linebeck would have developed the way he did without having met link specifically #salty talks #idk i feel like linebecks arc is the best bit of story in ph so i want that to remain more or less intact bc thats where a lot of #the emotional stuff comes in at the end. his dialogue in the ghost ship battle and the final boss. its important #i dont think about tetra much cant you tell. so id leave this to someone who actually cares abt her as a character

[sureuncertainty]

at least now i've gone through an important tumblr rite of passage, watching a longtime mutual become a radfem :/

#the thing that really got me was that they were talking about their morality ocd triggering them about it #bc of the way tumblr and the internet in general has this black and white approach to things #and one of those i guess was 'transphobes = bad' which like. is not what i'm ever talking about when i say that things have more nuance #that said i DO think that the way this website prioritizing hating terfs over supporting trans people is kinda gross #but anyway this person was so anxious about it and it just was depressing bc i related to that #they were SO afraid of losing friends or being cancelled over it and i was just like damn i wonder if all terfs are that miserable #but they acted like they just had no choice but to believe this 'thing' that they constantly alluded to but never talked outright about #which i am pretty sure now is just that they're a radfem or at least believe in a lot of radfem ideologies #and honestly? i go back and forth between genuinely feeling so bad for them and being like well that's what you fucking get #i wish i'd had the courage to talk to them about it but whenever i thought about it i got immeasurable anxiety #sorry for the very long tag ramble i just haven't been able to talk about this and it's been eating ME up too for a long time #i just feel horrible. i know in the past they've mentioned too how they want people to tell them why if they unfollow/block them #but i can't. i cannot. and then i'm afraid of just feeding into their victim complex by doing this #i just can't win. and it's like. i'm trans i am literally affected by their bigotry that they're acting like is just not even a choice #ALSO I REMEMBER HOW THEY MADE A POST ONCE ABOUT HOW PEOPLE IRL DON'T TALK ABOUT TRANS STUFF #LIEK IDK WHAT PLANET YOU ARE LIVING ON MY DUDE BUT I HAVE LIKE 5 TRANS COWORKERS AND EVERYONE IS VERY NORMAL ABOUT THEM #like maybe YOU live in a bad area #but you're just a really loud minority #anyway. yeah. just. oof. #still feeling some kind of anxiety about it #win rambles

[devilbrakers]

OC DUALITY

was tagged by @morvaris​ to take this uquiz for my ocs >:) thank you nico this was super fun!!

tagging: @numbaoneflaya @time-is-a-lake @aartyom @nuclearstorms @girlbosselrond @druidgroves @malefiicarum @swordcoasts  @aldcaldos @sufferthorn @steelport @calenhads @lavinet​ and anyone else who’d like to join in !!

you and the hat man

oh boy you're fighting demons aren't you? it's like you're in a constant staring competition with something that's always in the peripheral. what the fuck. (at least, that's how people who don't know you would react). at this point you've probably gotten pretty familiar with the hat man. he's a reliable kind of guy. keeps to himself, sure, but you can trust him to be there. maybe a haunting isn't too bad if it's never left your side. you can only imagine what it will be like when he's not there any more.

god-hungry scientist and their abominable child

you stitched something together inside of yourself and gave it life with light from the sky and now it won't die and you can't kill it because part of you loves it and you're not quite right in the head or the person you used to be but at the end of the day it's simply a beast of sadness. you crave the mercy you didn't get from your creators and so i'm telling you please forgive yourself. please hold the monster by the hand.

moon curse of the werewolf

you have found yourself hungered or sickened or ambitious to the point of emotional carnage. you are fine, until you're not, and then you could rip someone in your way apart with your bared teeth by complete accident, and later claw at yourself in fits of pain trying to apologize. do you look at the moon that blessed you in her name, at her marred beauty and baneful eyes, and wish she could just crush that loving-hateful heart of yours before it crushes itself? every bite you take out of flesh is a response to the threads of silver bullets in you that haven't healed. the duality is that the human inside is howling too, gnashing, and without the wolf pelt, everyone can ignore it and turn away. at some point, you got tired of the moon being your only witness. now the wolf is there to make sure others know that you are hurt, and deserving of humanity, of attention to wounds. because that wolf loves you; all of you; and knows when you are hurt better than yourself.

#feel free to ignore this if you want !! idk how many people have already been tagged fjsdkl #anyway. going to be annoying abt this in the tags now <3 #the main thing that gets me abt gray's is the 'maybe a haunting isn't too bad if it's never left your side' #like????? ik the hat man thing is probs supposed to be funny and it kinda is but it fits them so well #almost everyone close to them has died or left them atp but maybe it isn't so bad. just to have one constant #dmitri :| yeah. yeah #everything he felt he had to become to save his sister who was dead the whole time anyway but ended up being a better survival tactic anyway #so he just stuck with it until he died but then he comes back as a demon and now he has to live with what he did forever #i don't think he really could ever forgive himself. mainly for failing nina but it's started to eat him alive less and less over the years #mainly bc he does everything he can not to think about it too much but he also doesn't really want to totally get rid of that part of #himself. the part that was capable of torturing and killing all those people bc it really was powered by love and desperation to some extent #and that proves that maybe he has some shred of humanity left even if she's been gone for decades now #not that he does shit like that anymore. but he's capable and willing to for those he loves even if they'd probably hate him for it #and miko's :( #yeah #lashing out at people when it gets to be too much which is often given the life that she lives and then beating herself up for it nonstop #but it's also a way to protect herself and even tho she died young it got her pretty far #and it helped her protect other people (mainly gray and blake) when it came down to it because she couldn't stand seeing them hurt either #idk if i articulated myself v well but yeah jfdsklfdjs my dmc gang are all my blorbos #my ocs #tag #gray #dmitri #miko

[skyteglad]

the desire for people to stop diagnosing their abusers with stigmatized disorders when they are literally not a psychologist and most abusers literally do not care about psychology or therapy at all 😩 they don’t care about getting help, so how do YOU know they have this disorder without using stigma as a basis?

#i keep seeing a lot of talk about 'narcassistic abuse' and people diagnosing every abuser in their life w npd and #LIKE YES SOME PROBABLY HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED BUT YOU'RE JUST DIAGNOSING THEM USING STIGMA. THAT'S... THAT'S CRUEL LMAO. #saw a post calling everyone w npd an abuser and being the cause of people w bpd and its like... honey... #my abuser who caused my bpd? she doesn't have npd. afaik she hasn't seen a fucking psychologist since she was 16 because she doesn't care #abt therapy. a lot fo abusers.... DON'T CARE ABOUT THERAPY OR GETTING HELP. #you can BE abusive without Abusive Personality Disorder tm (WHICH ISN'T A FUCKING TIHNG BTW.) #it's so gross please guys don't speculate on people's mental health some people are perfectly neurotypical and functional... #and are jsut abusive as shit! #you don't need a mental illness to be abusive and THINKING like that is going to end with you thinking incredibly ableistly!!! #grumbles a lot #things i love value and support: self diagnosis! #things i loathe despise and hate: diagnosing others when you aren't using good faith. #sorry for rambling i'm just so mad dghfkjdkd 'everyone w bpd has bpd bc of people w npd' shut the fuck up are you kidding me kffghdkhgj #i wasn't abused with 'narcassistic abuse' as a child i was abused with physical and emotional abuse. the other thing isn't a fucking thing. #when i WAS abused with what fits 'narcassistic abuse' - it was fucking emotional abuse my guy. that's what it is. the listing of everything #you claim is this is actually fitting into emotional abuse. idk if they have npd i dont CARE if they have npd i only CARE #that i had been abused and harmed. their mental health means NOTHING to me now because they shouldn't have done what #they did no matter what and it isnt an excuse OR an explanation!!! thank you -bows- #riot.txt #i forgot all of my text tags so i hoppe that's the right one

[gazelessmenagerie]

“be honest...Would you kill your own father?” -Broly

send me "be honest..." with a question your muse has been dying to ask mine and they'll answer truthfully.

Not once had he been asked about his father until that point.

The snap of his head was already an egregious display of his answer, expression caught in a moment of surprise with how his eye widened enough to be noticeable over his shoulder. His mouth remained a thin line, the loose coagulation of whatever thoughts he had been running through in what chores and tasks that needed to be done on that day fell into a disquieted silence as his body stalled to a grinding halt amid its journey to the water basin carved by his own might several weeks prior.

What had brought about such a senseless question by some whelp lucky enough to encounter him while the midday sun was blazing hot was a question in its own right.

' He's already dead. ' Was what he wanted to say but instead, another set of words replaced what his brain thought, sliding through the dried canals of that beating organ. Memories of the past were all it was comprised of, trudging through the veins that were long since abandoned as the harsh reality of surviving through hardship after harship coalesced into a single droplet. Paragus was the only man he knew for the majority of his life up until his death. He was only man who raised him and dared to love him in the ways only a father would love a son still so small and clinging close. Stories spoke of how their mighty race once once, filling naive eyes with hope to one day be reunited with a pocket of Saiyans that might yet still exist somewhere with him as the next reigning king. Rebuilding their civilization, destroying their enemies, it was what any Saiyan child could want but those times of frivolous dreams fell to ruin as the years came by and the magnitude of Broly's own power easily devoured like a ravenous ecplise over his father.

His father taught him how to survive, watched him with a keen eye and was mindful to not neglect the intellect that Broly held behind the piercing visage of his eyes. Tactics of combat, diplomacy of political frivolities were skills given and honed through his father's grand plans of seating his son on that lofty throne that lay in the realm of a dream. Threading words coaxed by their constant nomadic lifestyle of venturing from one planet to another became a necessary facet of survival to evade the radar of the same reigning empire that destroyed their race. To be smarter than one's pursuers, remain low to the ground like a stalking predator and attack when the moment was right. Nearly everything that Broly knew could be traced directly to his father...

He fought when he was of age, learned everything he could be taught when it came to destroying his enemies. The blood he spat and spilled, the amount of times his bones fractured and broke, the burning hatred felt for those who looked to claim both of their lives for what they are. Anger was the only way to survive, the only way a Saiyan is to be to attain greater power. It couldn't be counted on both hands the amount of times the Legendary Saiyan felt he might've died while growing up in facing off against stronger opponents for one reason or another. He needed to adapt quickly and with greater power, pushed forth by his father as they went from living as exiles to taking over villages, towns, cities.. and entire planets.

Everything he did had been to make the man who raised him proud.

" ... I don't know. " He spoke softly under his breath, easy to miss as much as the small glimpse of what might've been a small shred of regret.

And yet he killed his own father in cold blood during an outraging rampage.

It was deserved.

It was the product of years of control and ordering him around, forcing him to obey every damned command.

' I'm sorry son, but you'll die with his planet as well. '

' " Where do YOU think you're Going... Dad? " '

' " Broly..! I was.. preparing the ship for us to leave together. "

' " In a ship made for One? " '

Convoluted emotions were a disgrace to his Saiyan blood. The love of a mere child knowing nothing more than what his father did to ensure survival. He was the only Saiyan left for what felt to be years upon years. He loved him. And it only made the betrayal all the worse that the fleeting moment of tenderness that collected in that dewdrop resting over those dried canals evaporated with the contrived, twisted half-truths that could never be a clear cut answer. Both sides were true in that he hadn't wanted to kill him in a small, desparing corner but the hatred and vileness spoke a larger voice as its half of the truth spoke a simple fact on the matter as though he were only commenting on the weather.

" I already killed him. "

#|| Tag: Answered #particlecreator #|| Gazing over the Abyss of Stars { Broly } #( ohhh that was juicy. thank you. ) #( suffice to say. its a VERY controversial topic for my portrayal aflsdjg ) #( just bc I think on how hard was it to live basically in harsh environments while most likely being hunted by people after the geno/cide ) #(of the saiyans. i mean they were wiped out but there had to be some stragglers ) #( I can imagine the guy has some very extreme feelings over his dad but he doesn't say shit cause lmfao ) #( its just so damn twisted I dont think even he knows how to begin processing that than to default ) #( to being angry and hateful like he was raised/learned how to be bc its just easier ) #( than to say he might actually feel regret about killing him or that it hurt to be betrayed by the man he loved ) #( as a boy; as a son would to the only father he knew. ) #( like hell??? idk. its just fascinating to me how paragus cared for his kid and even after losing an eye albeit not the same as before ) #( and knowing his own son is a monster that he unfortunately created and had to control through his own means. ) #( he still tried to treat him with some love but its still a fearful kind. ) #( and idk it just makes my heart hurt and makes it 10000x more convoluted and messy for a guy who ) #( can't process his own emotions to shove it all down as deep as he can and pretend everythings alright. ) #( -slaps broly's ass- this bastard can fit so much trauma and emotional dissonance

[pepprs]

i do not want to get out of bed omfg. this week has been so fucking insane im exhausted but we have aprogram tonight until 7 and i have to facilitate and there are a million things to do today

#but i got my p*riod and cotaught on tuesday and broke up w my counselor on monday and a few days before that redacted redacted so im ph #physically and emotionally exhausted but we have this program tonight until 7 and then 2 trainings tomorrow andi have like 2 meetings inbetw #between those. and i just want to sleep and/or lie down w a heating pad bc my cramps have been brutal this time around. literally could #barely get work done on tuesday bc i was in AGONY and forgot my heating pad and no one could bring it to me from home but it s like i have n #nowhere on campus to lie down or get checked out or anything bc im not a student anymore so i need to just writhe at my desk (<- i have one #of those now finally btw 🥹💗) and jusf hope i don’t pass out. and i didn’t but it was so bad and im not recovered from it yet. idk. #everything is so much. there are some intense and in some cases horrible things happening. iwwish we had time to pause and process them and #that we weren’t so tired and stretched all the time. i wish we didn’t have all these pressures to worry about. i wish we could just have #time to love each other and check in truly and to support each other bc we are friends before we are colleagues methinks and i jsut want us #to be ok and happy and rested and healthy. idk. augh #delete later #purrs #also i think i am not normal when it comes to cramps btw. i think maybe it might not be normal to be in this much pain. or maybe im just #weak or have a low pain tolerance but i feel like it’s a lot worse than it used to be + i get cramps at Other times too and it’s ummmm bad. #ask to tag #like how absolutely insane that this is a huge part of my life and i feel like i can’t even talk abt it and it’s so embarrassing but it #literaly is like.. every other week im scared that im gonna be unable to function bc of pain but i literally say nothing at all and just smi #smile and pretend im fine and barely talk abt it. i don’t think that’s good or normal. and i think ppl should talk abt p*ripds more so it’s #not as weird or bad or gross or cringe whatever to talk abt being in pain and to accommodate urself or whatever despite other ppl knowing #abt it. cringeeeee augh i don’t want to be one of Those people but like. it’s bad and i fucking hate it