#bc when nothing is real or certain what else can you cling to but each other

[jaeheewillalwaysbemyfav]

so since you're gonna do the avatar!mc au with the entities you think each brother would fear the most (SO excited for that btw, my friend can attest to the fact that i've basically been rambling about tma x om nonstop since the first post you made that put the two together), i'd love to hear your thoughts on which entity each brother would *be* an avatar of, if you're cool with sharing! personally i love the ideas of specifically vast!levi and dark!belphie but i'd love to hear your takes on the concept! <3

So because of how time works, despite receiving this ask on July 12, by the time you see this it’ll be August! So the entire Avatar!MC series should be out by now, which I hope you will/have enjoy/ed. I wholeheartedly agree with the concept of Vast! Levi, which I’ve talked about before (as you know ;) ), but I will happily ramble about it again!

These aren’t gonna be short fics though bc I do Yearn to save that energy for The Longfic, which is still in the planning stages because a) I can’t pick a timeline, and b) trying to match up the timelines of Obey Me and TMA is hard, especially when I tend to have a violent disrespect for actually paying attention to the timing of plot events in both. I already fucked up a part of the plotting because I forgot the order we get pacts with the brothers lmao

Content warnings: Mentions/allusions to tma-typical Spookies, yet another installation of my Cursed Crossover idea, lengthy debates about what makes someone choose to become an avatar of fear, spoilers for Lesson 16+ of Obey Me and S5 of TMA

What Entity Do I Think The Brothers Would Serve? (Cursed TMA x Obey Me Crossover)

Lucifer

So I put him as falling victim to the Eye/Beholding bc of his whole thing about Secrets and Pride being about wanting control over your own image

And he does have a creepy tendency in canon to always know when his brothers are up to some Dumb Shit

BUT! You know what we see in Lucifer’s character that we see in a certain Entity?

A simultaneous manipulation of others and submission to being manipulated by a higher power

That’s right, I think Luci would be a Web avatar

But Winter, Lucifer wouldn’t wanna take marching orders from someone/thing else! He’s too proud for that— You’re right! He doesn’t want to. But he will.

He willingly submitted himself and his family to Diavolo for eternity to get what he wanted (saving Lilith)

And from how much we see him work, it’s safe to say that he’s a pretty damn essential part of running the Devildom

If he really wanted to, he could probably successfully pull a coup on Diavolo

But he doesn’t, because he’s trapped himself by his own honour code

Thus, the sexual tension bromance we all know and love/insist is Deeply Problematic and blacklist (depending on how much you like/hate dialuci lol)

10/10, would fill with spiders again

Mammon

I put Mammon as falling victim to the Buried for pretty obvious reasons

But admittedly picking a fear he’d serve is trickier

I had to get a bit abstract with it, but I think the Hunt might suit him

Not necessarily the primal *cough* and police brutality *cough* parts of the Hunt tho

More like how Basira was considered an avatar of the Hunt in the fearpocalypse because of her mission/promise to Daisy

See, Greed can stem from fear

Fear of losing what you have, of no longer being able to support yourself, of being preyed upon by others

So people become greedy as a defense mechanism, to protect what they have

If they’re on the offensive, they won’t be targeted

Also, if you’re constantly pursuing more more more, there’s no time to think about anything else

Like consequences, or guilt, or Feelings

If Mammon let his little tough guy act go too far for too long, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to say he could start heading down the path to avatarhood

After all, people pay big money for hitmen and bounty hunters…

Leviathan

As I said last time, I can see why people would associate Levi with the Lonely first: he’s a shut in, he acts like he wants nothing to do with people/would rather be alone, and I get it

BUT! All of that actually stems from the fact that Levi has terrible self-esteem and thinks he deserves to be this gross shut in loser

While envy can make you want to bring others down to your level, so to speak, Levi tends to just shun “normies”, not actively conspire to sabotage them

He actually does crave understanding and to have people in his life, he just doesn’t know how to go about it

Boy’s got Mega Social Anxiety is what I’m saying (funny how both the Lonely and the Eye can be real bad for that, huh)

But the Vast? Nihilism? Takes all the pressure off

If everyone is a small, insignificant speck in the face of an uncaring, unfathomably large cosmos, who cares what you do? Who cares what people think of you?

Yeah, you’d be kinda weird too if you stared into the infinite abyss of the ocean and realized it was just the maw of a gargantuan sea monster too, Karen, lay off

Plus aesthetically, the great Awful Deep most people fear in the ocean is a comfort to Levi

And again, THE VAST IS MORE THAN JUST THE SKY

I WENT ON A BOAT ONCE

LIKE REAL FAR OUT, SO I COULDN’T SEE LAND FOR DAYS

IT WAS JUST ENDLESS B L U E

AND I WAS ON A CRUISE IN THE CARIBBEAN

I SAW A FRACTION OF THE OCEAN’S S U R F A C E AND IT WAS I M M E N S E

Did you know we’ve only explored like 5% or whatever of our oceans? Think about that! Every Single Thing we know about what’s in there is just the tip of the iceberg!!! GOD KNOWS WHAT’S DOWN THERE!!! PROBABLY FUCKED UP FISH IS WHAT

*ahem* anyway, fishee

Satan

Another tricky boi

I marked him down as fearing the Desolation, as a reflection of what he fears most in himself

I probably could have also gone with Slaughter, but I’d say that’s more baby/early-Satan

Desolation is also about destruction of potential, and Satan has very carefully built himself into a non-rage-monster person

So tearing that all away from him is :)))

But what would Satan give himself over to?

Ceaseless Watcher, I want that twink OBLITERATED—

Satan clings to knowledge and erudition to distance himself from the rage he was born as

“Watch and learn” is literally how he became a person

I find it deeply funny that it could also easily be how he becomes a monster once again

Also if you think the avatar of Wrath wouldn’t have a use for supernatural blackmail you’re just straight up incorrect

Couple that with Satan’s various connections and he’d be a Force to Reckon With

Asmodeus

I put him as a victim of the Corruption bc I found it extremely fitting considering the duality of his romanticized image vs the “dirty” fluid-filled nature of Lust.

Lust can be really nasty, but as licentious as Asmo’s supposed to be, he’s surprisingly coy

(now part of that comes from the fact that Obey Me isn’t strictly 18+/full-on porn, but still)

There’s a lot of Interesting Ideas to unpack there with attitudes towards sex vs sensuality and idealisation vs reality

Now as for an avatar… I debated this for a very long time, tossing around Eye, Stranger, Spiral, even Web for like one second

But I think I’ve got it

Slaughter!

Specifically the musical/random outbursts of violence side (not so much the war side)

Why? Well for one, Biblical Asmodeus is said to “"transport men into fits of madness and desire [...] with the result that they commit sin, and fall into murderous deeds (Testament of Solomon, verse 23).”

But also, Obey Me Asmo’s affair with that portrait chick from the earlier lessons started a whole ass war

Like it or not, the boy is very good at instilling manic violence in people

They don’t call it bloodlust for nothing

Beelzebub

I paired Beel with an End avatar MC bc the boy fears losing his loved ones like he lost Lilith

You could argue that Desolation would fit there too but I liked how it fit Satan better

Now as for a Vibe…

I’m tied between Flesh and Corruption tbh

Though corruption is mostly bc buge :)

So I’ll talk about the Flesh

So uh, mass consumerism, meat is meat, cannibalism… see where I’m going?

Ignoring the Hans because that was super racist, the two Flesh avatars I remember best are Jared Hopworth and The Guy Who Stuck His Arm in a Spooky Meat Grinder To Feed His Buds

I think of Jared in relation to Beel not because of the gym thing, but because his very chill/apathetic attitude towards his patron is similar to how I’d picture Beel’s approach to all this

Like “well, guess I’m here now”

I love Beel as much as everyone else, but he’s not exactly apologetic about his… habits

Not to the degree that he’d actually try and change them anyway

So if he got started on the path to Flesh avatarhood, he’d be pretty fucked

Belphegor

I put Web for him as a fear almost entirely because of the concept of Uno Reverse Card, ngl

It does technically tie into his whole thing about being trapped in the attic, since he’d denied all agency and freedom in there, but… Uno Reverse

Dark!Belphie is an interesting concept, and MAG86 “Tucked In” is iconic, but tbh I don’t really… Get the Dark

Don’t get me wrong, put me in a dark place and I will be scared, I don’t like not seeing things, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around why one would become an avatar of the Dark

It’s not a very “primary” fear imo? Like, I’m scared of the dark bc I can’t see what’s there, ie. a threat could be there and I wouldn’t know, but intellectually I know it’s just the absence of light. That’s not really spooky on its own.

I guess what I’m saying is I can attribute spookier things related to the Dark better to other Entities, so I’m not sure what its draw is specifically

According to the Entity Sexiness Survey I did a while back, there’s apparently some Catholic stuff going on with the Dark so maybe that’s why i don’t get it lmao

Anyway I’d put Belphie down for Spiral

“What lies behind a smile” indeed cowboy

Apparently it’s getting choked

Is it because MC’s entire relationship with him is originally founded on a lie?

Is it because the Spiral deals with distortions in your perception, gaslighting gatekeeping girlbossing, as well as foggy liminal mental spaces like between sleep and consciousness, death and life?

Is it because I think Belphie would absolutely delight in driving someone bananas by fucking with their dreams until it bleeds into their waking life?

Is it because being a person or consistent being at all is too much effort, consistent internal geography is hard, fuck it, just be an endless twisting series of hallways?

Yes :)

#obey me #tma #cursed tma x om crossover #obey me headcanons #tma the entities #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor

[notveryglittery]

birthday prince (4)

summary: patton knows that roman is the bravest, strongest hero of them all.  words: 1,500 / ship: royality (patton/roman) author’s note: this is part four of my Giving The Gay Anything He Wants series for roman’s birthday (june 4)! all ships are written implied romantic but i’m not stopping you from interpreting it otherwise. check the end notes on ao3 for credit on these gifts (bc i don’t know where to put them in this post)! i hope you enjoy!!

part 1 (roceit) | part 2 (logince) | part 3 (prinxiety) part 4 (royality) | part 5 (dlampts) read on ao3

— — —

The sun was relentless in its heat, beating down on Roman without remorse. It felt like he was baking inside of his armor. Sweat trickled down the back of his neck and he couldn’t help but squirm uncomfortably at the sensation. He held a hand up to his forehead to shield his eyes and squinted at the imposing mountain towering above him. He was mere hours from his destination and the prospect of being so close to completing his quest filled him with energy and determination. With renewed vigor, he began his ascent.

Time was lost to him as he progressed. He steadfastly ignored his aching limbs and focused instead on keeping his breathing measured. Each step was careful but sure, so as not to lose his footing or make a wrong move. Every so often, a cloud drifted across the sky, blocking out the sun, and providing him momentary relief. He passed by a number of trees, tempting him with shade and rest, but still, he pressed on. The higher he climbed, the more frequently the wind blew; this, too, helped keep his resolve up, encouraged by the breeze pushing at his back.

And finally, he found himself at the mouth of a cave. The sunshine only went so far before darkness engulfed the tunnel. He took a deep breath and marched forward. He drew his sword from its sheath and whispered “iluminar;” the blade lit up with a radiant glow, providing him a consistent source of light. While some rational part of him knew that he ought to move slowly and check for traps, the eager realization that he had reached the home stretch egged him on. Without really noticing, he’d quickly gone from a steady pace to a power walk to a dead sprint.

When he came skidding to a stop at the entrance of an open chamber, it was as if his heart was trying to jump up and out of his throat, and his breathing was strained. There, though, at the far end of the room and just barely discernible in the low light, was his love. A resounding thud interrupted him the moment he began to call out.

“Well well well,” purred his greatest enemy, “it certainly took you long enough.”

The Dragon Witch prowled back and forth, blocking Roman’s view of his dearest companion.

“Release him!” Roman shouted, darting along the walls of the cavern, and learning better the lay of the land as light fell upon the space. “And I might spare you!”

Her laughter was a rumbling echo, shaking bits of rock and dust from the ceiling. “You are funny, little prince. I’ve so missed your ridiculous demands.”

Roman stumbled, backed up, and leapt just in time to avoid the Dragon Witch’s tail sweeping his feet out from under him. From his side, he pulled a dagger. Without much aim, he threw it in her general direction, knowing at least that with a target as big as she, it would be hard to miss.

“Roman!”

Every thought rushed from his head at the sound of Patton’s cry. At the reminder of what was really at stake here, Roman came to a halt, and faced his foe. There was no saving Patton and leaving the Dragon Witch be. He had to defeat her in order to get Patton out. It was easier said than done, apparently. One beat of her wings had him knocked back and onto the ground. He slammed hard into metal bars and grunted in pain, blinking the stars from his vision.

“Oh, honey,” cooed a voice from above him.

An arm reached through its prison, one hand reaching forward to cradle his cheek. Lips pressed against his forehead, a kiss so gentle he wasn’t sure it was real.

“Show her who’s boss, sweetie,” Patton murmured.

As if by magic, all of Roman’s sore muscles and minor wounds were wiped away. He was emboldened by Patton’s gift, his strength invigorated, and he was certain now that nothing would stand in his way. He left a lingering kiss on Patton’s knuckles and retrieved his sword before standing. The Dragon Witch looked infuriatingly smug to have taken him down so easily and that, Roman decided, would simply not do.

As we expect most stories to go, our brave hero came out victorious. There were close calls — a claw too close here, teeth too sharp there — just as there were defining strikes — the final plunge of his sword into the Dragon Witch’s heart. She disappeared, scattered into ashes, and silence fell over the chamber.

“Woohoo! That’s my knight in shining armor!”

Roman startled, dropping his weapon, and darting for Patton’s prison. Without her presence to keep it locked, freeing him was no issue. Roman ignored that he hurt all over and instead, held onto Patton as if letting him go meant he’d lose him forever.

“I’m okay,” Patton reassured, taking Roman’s helmet off, and carding his fingers through his hair. “You did it! You’re amazing! I’m so proud of you.”

“Please,” Roman laughed breathlessly, clinging to Patton all the more, “it was nothing.”

Patton leaned back, taking Roman’s face in his hands. His expression was stern. “It was spectacular. I love you so much. You’re incredible.”

“Patton,” Roman whined, hoping he could blame his redness on exertion instead of blushing.

“Let’s see what treasure awaits you!” He exclaimed, allowing Roman some shred of mercy, at least.

He took Roman’s hand and pulled him along, further back into the cave. The hoard was piled all the way to the ceiling, a good 20ft of gold, jewels, and trinkets. Roman shed his heavy breastplate before they knelt down, groaning in relief at being able to move freely and stretch properly. This also meant taking Patton into his arms once more, hugging him to his chest.

“This is my favorite prize of them all,” he muttered, pressing his cheek to the top of Patton’s head.

Patton giggled. “You haven’t even seen all of your options.”

“Hmm, none could compare to you, my heart.”

“Oh, hush!”

Eventually, Patton did manage to convince Roman to at least look at what all was laid out before them. The first thing to catch his eye was a crown, embedded with gems of every color of the rainbow. It was bright and it fit him perfectly and he never wanted to take it off.

“I’m going to make special bobby pins for that one,” Patton said offhandedly. When Roman gave him a curious look, Patton returned it with a knowing expression of his own. “You wiggle, dear.”

If Roman wasn’t sure what Patton could possibly mean, it was proven hardly five minutes later. They found plenty more jewelry: bracelets with charms that all must have been picked just for him, silly bandz that looked like they might glow in the dark, and colorful hair clips in all sorts of shapes. His joy at so many accessories led to plenty of head shaking and hand fluttering; the crown only just barely stayed on and that might have had something to do with Patton keeping a careful eye on it.

“You were my hero today, Roman,” Patton told him on their way back out. “You are every day, you know?”

Roman shrugged in a noncommittal sort of way, as if he wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted to say thank you or disagree completely. His hand squeezed tight around Patton’s, though, trying to convey his gratitude. The sun was setting by the time they made it outside. It was chillier this high up on the mountain now and Roman no longer had his adrenaline to keep him warm. Not that he didn’t have something even better at his side to help with that…

“Wanna take the easy way home? I could go for some hot cocoa.”

“I like the sound of that very much,” Patton agreed.

It was only a blink and they were no longer buffeted by sharp winds but on safe stable ground instead. Whatever ailments Roman had suffered in the Fantasy Realm were left behind; now he only felt comfort, inspiration, and fondness. … Okay, maybe hunger, too.

Patton surprised him with another kiss on the cheek and then another to his lips. Roman didn’t let that one go, savoring the sweet taste of his one true love. While neither would have minded this lasting quite some time, their stomachs had other ideas in mind. They parted, giggling as their bellies growled noisily.

“Okay, okay,” Patton relented. “Dinner time.”

“Can we have pasta?”

“Sweetpea, you know we’re making all your favorites.”

“... Peach cobbler, too?”

“Duh!”

“I love you,” Roman said, as if Patton had just promised him the world.

“I know. Happy birthday, my knight.”

Going to bed that night with Patton curled up beside him, full on delicious food and drink, on love and precious reminders of everything he had, Roman couldn’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be.

#sanders sides fan fiction #royality fan fiction #royality #roman sanders #patton sanders #gifts for roman's bday #dani writes #this was like pulling fucking teeth god i am SO tired

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Grand Design

Also on AO3! 

TL;DR:

If you asked the Heroics Commission why they created Izuku, you'd get an answer pretty close to the truth. The rising power of quirks was making them nervous, and All Might won't live forever.

What they aren't mentioning is the fact that they don't like All Might either.

He's kind and good and dedicated to people over the country. The man will break countless laws to save a single life and has defied the heroics commission on many occasions - something they can't punish him for in any way without being slammed by the media.

So, they come up with a plan.

if you asked the heroics commission why they created Izuku, you'd get an answer pretty close to the truth

the rising power of quirks was making them nervous, and all might won't live forever. 'there might be another quirk as powerful as all mights just around the corner for the heroes' you might say. 'we're just taking away the 'might'' they'd reply

but what they aren't mentioning is the fact that they don't like All Might either.

he's kind and good and dedicated to people over country. the man will break countless laws to save a single life and has defied the heroics commission on many occasions - something they can't punish him for in any way without being slammed by the media

so, they come up with a plan

"if we can't control all might, we make the next all might ourselves"

sure, the doctor who does the work for them is a little shady, but it can't be helped. quirk genetic experiments were recently made illegal in a case spearheaded by nezu himself. nezu doesn't exactly agree with a total ban and is encouraging regulation in place of a blanket stop, but its been years and the laws are going nowhere fast

maybe the man has some shady connections to some shady people all too eager to replace all might? oh well, it can be managed

so

a pregnant woman called Inko Midoriya shows up at a hospital, dead on arrival, with the baby inside her still clinging to life?

well.

thats just convenient, isn't it?

they extract the child, pronounce the mother dead and whisk the child away into 'foster care', or the arms of the good doctor

when he's revealed to be quirkless? at first the commission is dubious but the doctor assures them this is perfect. he doesn't have to base the quirk off anything, it can be built from the ground up, as exactly the quirk the commission wants

izuku is born 3 months premature to a dead mother and one month later has a strong enough combination of quirks to take down all might when he grows up.

there is a bit of a catch, though. due to the whole 3 months early and dead mother thing, his constitution isn't the greatest, leaving him pretty sickly. the doctor assures him he'll be much better when he grows up (he’s lying). still - it’s a long while until their creation will be an adult. they could let him grow up normally in a nice house, only to pounce on him when he's grown a little stronger

but a chance of letting their perfect child slip away? nope. they resolve to train him as soon as he can crawl.

A few variations of this AU bc I had loads of quirk ideas before I settled on one - Knock Off For All: Izuku has a quirk as similar to OFA as was possible to create without being able to stockpile, complete with the achy breaky bones (no extra quirks) - Power Set: Izuku has a set of the most useful quirks the doctor could think of, ala USJ nomu (Shock nullification, Regeneration, Super Strength, etc) - Midorigiri: Izuku has a powerful combination quirk like a certain cloud mist dude. Probably either a shock absorption + redirection quirk / all 4 elemental types / guardian angel: wings, flight, hard light construct, healing - All for Naught: Izuku has a knock off of All for One that lets him perma copy 5 quirks at a time

So, Guardian Angel is the quirk I’m going with, mostly for the Hawks parallels. They end up basically being raised with each other, hawks jokingly calling Izuku his little brother. He almost cries when Izuku asks what that is.

Izuku’s quirk allows him to fly with a set of wings (he has hollow bones to facilitate this), can create hard light constructs; the more complicated the shape the harder it is and was originally classified as a forcefield quirk before Izuku got creative with it, and gives him the ability to heal.

All abilities excluding flight are based on the amount of ambient light. The brighter it is, the stronger his constructs and the better he can heal. His blood glows. Make of that what you will.

The problem being that while his quirk/s are strong, Izuku himself is very weak. He has chronic anaemia, difficulty putting on weight, a heart murmur, weak lungs, etc. the HA don’t care at all and make him train until he can’t walk.

From birth till 7 Izuku has no contact with people outside the facility, whereupon he is promptly dumped into a public school for 5 days a week. The education he gets there isn’t important, he’ll learn what he needs at the facility. What they do deem as important is A, creating a paper trail for the kid and B, socializing him somewhat.

People flock to him for his quirk, cementing what they always told him. “All of your worth is in your quirk. You have an obligation to save others.”

Plus, they’ve told him he wasn’t born like everyone else, he was created. Different, artificial, inhuman, those where all words used to describe him at the facility. He finds it difficult to make friends.

He forms a strange almost friendship with Bakugo as the only other kid with a super powerful quirk in the school, even if it’s more of a support quirk than anything else. Izuku silently heals Bakugo when he gets into fights, Bakugo snarls at anyone who makes Izuku too uncomfortable. It’s odd, but it works.

Izuku’s personality is similar to canon in the fact he's the same person but it’s a little jumbled.

He’s even less trusting of adults than canon which is saying something, but he doesn’t have canons blatant disregard for authority. If he breaks a rule he makes sure he doesn’t get caught because the punishments he’s had before left scars.

His anger runs a little closer to the surface but he feels like a bad person for feeling any emotion that isn’t positive so he crushes it down under forced optimism. Izuku shows his anger rarely and when he does, it’s quiet and vicious.

If an authority figure tells him to do something, he does it. It takes a while for Aizawa to break the kid’s conditioned need to respond automatically to any request from a ‘Handler’. Aizawa is very afraid of where it came from, but Nezu can’t find anything about this kid other than the record of his birth and his school enrolments.

Izuku thinks he’s less valuable than others which is pretty canon, at least at the start, but here it’s because he’s ‘not as good/natural/ something’ as a ‘normal’ human. Most of the UA teacher see it, but they have no idea why he thinks he’s lesser so their mixed attempts at questioning/comfort fall pretty flat. Izuku is convinced they would abandon him if they knew.

So, Izuku has a complicated relationship with the concept of All Might.

To start off with, even with everything that happened, Izuku adores heroes right down to his very core. Hawks counts the HA lucky that they didn’t accidentally turn Izuku into a villain. Izuku’s favourite hero is All Might, but -

For a start, he was told he was made to be better than All Might. The part of the HA that created him isn’t fond of the no. 1 as someone they can’t at all control, Izuku has basically been taught that All Might is lying to the world with the way he presents himself and that he’s secretly a terrible person and would hate him for both being artificial and for being made to be better than him

Ergo, Izuku is shit scared of him.

Izuku wants to go to UA because Katsuki is going to UA and Katsuki is the only person other than Hawks he’s ever had a somewhat close relationship with. The HA thinks: eh, fuck it, it’ll be a nice fuck you to All Might anyway.

Then All Might is announced as a teacher after Izuku has been accepted and all hell breaks loose.

A brief set of things that happen:

Dadmight and Dadzawa to the extreme, all of 1A basically adopts Izuku instantly (after they get over the fear of his crazy quirk lmao). All Might and Eraserhead are Izuku’s favourite heroes, other than Hawks, so he's both terrified and in awe of them at all times. He finds himself both loving the familial affection he was denied as a child and being terrified they’d think he was a monster when they learnt he was made to overtake All Might, and isn’t a ‘real person’.

Izuku gets OFA, eventually. It ends up improving his physical health which is neat, along with its extra quirks and strengthening of his own.

Todoroki hates Izuku a little from the beginning, although he’d never admit it. Izuku’s quirk is incredibly powerful and he didn’t have to undergo Todoroki’s childhood torment (Which is Incorrect, but he doesn’t exactly know that, does he) When Todoroki finds out (sports festival, Izuku has a pretty emotional response to his little angst time and lets a few things slip) he becomes fiercely protective of him.

Izuku and Bakugo develop an actual friendship and it’s an adventure

Izuku gets kidnapped along with Bakugo at the training camp, during which the doctor, AFO or Shigiraki reveal he was created to beat All Might, just like the Nomu. Izuku wants to run away out of fear/shame, but Bakugo drags him along with the rescue attempt. Izuku, too scared to go back to the HA or UA, wants nothing more than to vanish off the face of the earth. When Aizawa and All Might visit him and Bakugo at the hospital, Izuku breaks down crying and cowers in fear, convinced his teachers are either going to hurt or kill him. Everyone involved is horrified. They try to calm him down but just seeing them is scaring the shit out of Izuku so they end up getting chased out by Bakugo who clumsily comforts him.

#grand design au #bnha au #bnha #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #All Might #yagi toshinori #izuku #midoriya #aizawa shouta #eraserhead #todoroki shouto

[sinnhelmingr]

tell me about heldolin possible reconcilliation? // @usedhearts​

rubs my filthy little gay hands together. oh yeah baby talk complicated wlw to me--

So, the groundwork for this hypothetical: Our little AU for 3, where Gwyndolin is saved from her canonical fate by a daring rescue on the part of her ex-wife. The two have been distant for some decades, ranging from cool hostility to open disregard, but with that underlying air of disappointment lacing every interaction. There’s nothing to salvage, but Hel’s not the kind of person that can leave anyone to what was planned, regardless of their interpersonal issues. One fraught road trip through enemy territory until they reach safety later...

Well there’s a lot to work through. First being Lin’s lingering trauma surrounding her captivity. Her we get the first hints of reconciliation in Hel’s refusal to let her deal with it alone. Yes, Gwynevere can help, and yes, her realm is safe and offers whatever support the wayward queen requires, but no one here saw it. No one here understood what the Valley had become. Even if they have lingering disagreements, Hel is the one sleeping on the floor of Lin’s chamber rather than in her own bed, because she can’t stand to think of someone she once cared for dealing with all of this alone. It helps, in some way, because Lin does need someone there and is going through it trying to cope.

Every possible reconciliation attempt proceeds from there. Hel has gone through, well, hell and back to save Lin and is still devoted to making sure she’s safe, but it’s not romantic. It’s honestly just Hel doing what she perceives as the right thing. Whether it helps or not, or her role could be filled by anyone else Lin cared for, it doesn’t matter because she’s the one there. And like it or not, she’s not going anywhere. From this, we have a variety of options but the two I personally see working out are these: 

Lin coming to rely on that, sort of clinging to Hel even if not literally. When not dealing with any official business regarding the ongoing political nightmare, she might drift towards Hel, wherever she is within the palace. 

Alternatively, given the mood of most of their interactions post-divorce, there’s a chance it starts as resentment. That Lin can’t stand to be in her shadow, clinging to her in the daylight when her struggles are easier to bear. 

Either way, the two are at least within physical proximity to one another, given Lin’s mental health and coping skills. Which is, inevitably, going to lead to a lot more run ins with her nephew.

Hel in a lot of ways has come to care for Lothric as if he were her own, because my God someone has to love that kid beyond his brother. Someone has to care about his wellbeing. He’s irreverent and he’s anxious and he’s struggling but determined to keep going, hardly the pious saint of the royal family’s propaganda. His wit is sharp and at times cruel, and he’s unsure about a lot of things but trying to hide that fact. Lin’s going to have to, through watching Hel interact with him, accept that her nephew is in fact more than a sacrifice -- for now. I think it’s Lin showing initiative to defrost ice queen around Lothric is going to start changing Hel’s demeanor towards her as well.

Like that’s not to say Lin changing overnight to team ‘hey yeah let’s not roast a living person with autonomy who never had a chance to live!’ is what it would take. That’d be unrealistic and OOC. I think it’s just. Hel being able to see that Lin can set aside her pride or stubbornness just long enough to get to know her sacrificial lamb as a person, as something more than what the rest of the world makes him by hers and Nev’s design. Lin defrosts to Lothric, Hel defrosts to Lin. It’s equivalent.

I think that would be the tipping point to sort of lessen the feeling of obligation between them. Maybe they can finally start talking again like people who are on at least civil terms, if not outright friendly. In my head it plays a little like their initial childhood interactions where Lin is reticent but observant and Hel is the more daring of them. She leads, and for a time, to a certain degree, Lin follows. And during the course of the narrative, as the latter grows stronger, as she acclimates herself to life outside of a cage, Hel starts to back off more and more. 

Maybe Lin won’t need her so much now, maybe things will go back to normal. And instead, Lin still leaves the door open between them, as it were. Just because she’s no longer so reliant on Hel doesn’t mean she wants her gone. 

Or maybe she tries to keep her distance if she’s still fighting against certain imminent realizations. Maybe she tries to shut the door but finds, as always, Hel has a key and she just. Accepts it over time. It’s her choice whether to come and go, just as she can choose to tell her to leave. 

Another vital step in their potential reconciliation is that it not be built upon reliance or obligation -- now they can see each other as relative equals.

By this point Hel’s been doing everything short of actually saying the words to convey she’s not stopped loving Lin. Even if she doesn’t realize it, there’s no other way people can take her actions. For Lin, I don’t know if it’s that simple but we can talk it out next time you’re online because Christ I’ve been typing this so long the weekend is over and you are back at work. The vibe I get from your Lin is that even if she cares she’s daddy’s girl and stubborn as hell once she’s been hurt. She’s either unsure or unwilling to convey that she’d like to patch things up. Which is valid, she’s been through a lot, there’s so much to work through before she even thinks of romance ever again. She’s especially been through the loss of her daughter, and that bond comes before anything else.

(Sidenote for those who are not privy to our discord lore: Let’s put a pin in the fact that at present Lothric has decided his salvation lies in overriding his mother’s decision to just lock him in the kiln once he’s ‘ready.’ He’s seen how Hel can influence his aunt and said ‘Yes, of course, I have to Parent Trap them into a reconciliation and then Hel will convince Aunt Gwyndolin I deserve to live and Mother won’t have any allies left!’ All the while his primary lackey is just questioning what version of the Parent Trap he saw because that’s not the plot at all-- /j. Anyway there’s three idiots -- two princes and a physician -- out here trying to play matchmaker despite the fact none of them have any romantic experience. This can only end well.)

I feel like the real test is going to be whether distance makes the heart grow fonder. Hel’s got other responsibilities out there, and once assured Lin is in a more stable place, that others will be there for her in a way that helps, she has to take care of them. She has to be with her own people, has to make sure they are safe, keep an eye on the world beyond. She’s gone like a thief in the night, and Lin has to learn how to navigate the world without her, furthering the balancing act between them returning to normal. Hel rode off on her big black horse and no one cna say for sure when she’ll be back. She comes and goes through the kingdom like a storm, staying just long enough to cause problems but gone with the slightest shift in atmosphere. The horse comes back only weeks later. Its rider does not. Instead, perched upon that black stallion is a familiar crossbreed, tattered but hanging in there.

Hel saved her, at the cost of her own freedom. What can Lin possibly think about that?

So it’s a flurry of Lin campaigning for her sister to send a party to save Hel, Nev saying that she can’t do it yet, possibly as she is is too busy with the fracturing of her own kingdom to lend the men. All the same, she forbids Lin from going off and doing something drastic. Tells her younger sister to stay with her daughter and help Yorshka heal. She needs it. Which works bc we have that big dramatic Hel returning to the castle drenched in blood and falling cinematically into Lin’s arms. It’s the drama these wlw deserve. 

And as we know, Lin insists on being Hel’s own caretaker while she recovers. To the point she scrutinizes every move Lothric’s physician makes in checking that the newly returned Death isn’t badly injured. Lothric thinks he stays winning because now Lin’s doing the same ‘demonstrate love but don’t speak it’ bullshit that Hel is so adept at. He’s buying his physician drinks after this despite her protests that alcohol does not sit well with her--

Hel eventually recovers enough from the strenuous battle and escape to start moving around the castle more. She confesses that, despite gossip saying this was some act of passion to show her devotion, she didn’t do this for Lin. She did it because it was the right thing to do, because Yorshka was in danger, and it had nothing to do with her mother. Something that breaks Lin’s shell completely because it proves Hel is still the woman she fell in love with. She didn’t risk her life and return the one Lin loves the most as a hollow token meant to win her heart again, she did it because her conscience has never steered her wrong. 

Now try this one on for size: One day it dawns on Hel that something is missing. She tears up her room seeking it only for Lin to finally be That Bitch and hold out her exes wedding pendant -- one she found that Hel never stopped wearing, if the fact it was still around her throat when Lin stripped her of her bloody dress is any indication. Hel’s been found out. Lin’s about to start asking some serious questions.

And if one of them can finally confess at this point that whether the love stopped or never did they feel it now just as they did before, that’s not the end. That’s not reconciliation. Because the fact remains that they broke up over an act that Hel considered pure evil, when Lin helped decide the ultimate fate of Lothric. Reconciliation is going to depend wholly on how AU we want to go, if Hel and the revived Artorias are able to convince Lin that this is heinous and even if it is what her father would have wanted, it isn’t right, it makes her just as terrible as he was. If Lin can finally see to reason or at least sentiment over legacy and duty, then I can see the pair moving towards actual reconciliation and spending at least the last days of a dying world together and at peace with their ultimate fates. If not... Oof. There might be other ways to make it work once Lothric goes rogue and says he won’t be kindling, if Lin can admit that yes, that means all the cruelty was for nothing and she was wrong (like her sister does), then maybe some slowburn reconciliation could take place.

But ultimately it’s going to depend on both character development on Lin’s part, whether by choice or in spite of resistance, and Hel proving that all the things Lin has accused her of (changing, being untrue, being corrupted by heresies) are untrue. Changing and steadfast characterization in tandem. Barely even friends (after the divorce) then somebody bends unexpectedly--

#howl at the moon i'll come for you [GWYNDOLIN/HEL] #i can no longer close my eyes while the world around me dies [V: DARK SOULS] #usedhearts #THIS IS A NOVEL FSDAGSGD

[v-irgogh]

What is it like for you personally to live with bpd?

Not too bad sometimes, bit of a nightmare other times. It’s easier now most of the time than it was a few years ago because I understand it a little better and know why I am the way I am to a certain extent, but really it depends on the day. I guess the best way of putting it is that living with it makes my life kind of turbulent.

If I have a good day I’m absolutely ecstatic, which is great, but that brings its own problems in the sense that I start to doubt myself and whether or not I’m actually mentally ill at all or just manipulating myself and others into thinking I am. I feel unworthy of feeling upset about anything because surely if I can be alright at any given moment there can’t really be anything wrong with me because others have it worse than I do at that current moment in time.

Then there are days like today, when I’m not very okay, and when I’m upset every time I feel like it’s the worst I’ve ever felt. Everything builds up and gets worse and worse and I can’t move past it or cheer myself up, I just have to wait miserably for it to pass on its own. I’ll hate everything about myself, life, the world, and when I feel that low I can’t remember what it feels like to be anything but. I have trouble identifying my emotions and distinguishing them from each other, and most of the time I can’t tell you how I feel because I’m so disconnected from myself that it all feels like one giant question mark to me, but from the emotions that I am aware of that I experience, I’m unable to remember or imagine what it’s like to feel them unless I’m feeling them at that exact moment. So if I’m happy, I can’t recall what it’s like to be sad or angry or anything like that, but if I’m sad or angry it’s like happiness doesn’t and never has existed, if that makes sense.

I tend to cling too tightly to people and hobbies and just anything that’ll make me glad I’m alive for a long time, but people seem to get sick of me real quick and sort of just . leave . so I’m more accustomed to crushing loneliness 24/7 and things like hobbies and tv shows and music and other interests I might pick up, I get bored of eventually and then I feel like I have nothing to dedicate my life to so living is pointless. And then I’ll find something/someone else to obsess over/dedicate my time to after a bit, and the process will repeat over and over again.

I dissociate a lot so a lot of my memories are a blur or I simply can’t recall something I know I experienced at all, yet I’m a sucker for nostalgia and live too much in the past. Just today I cried for an hour bc I saw a post someone I used to be kinda close to made online where they sounded super happy without me in their life whereas I miss them a lot and still think about them always and ??? idk they were just happy in general and it had nothing to do with me at all but there's always something that hurts deeply about knowing you'll always be the person that loves and misses the other person more lol. Anyway. I had more to say but I had to leave this message for a while and now my train of thought is gone so I'm just gonna leave it there. But the gist of it is that personally living with bpd is Shit mate end me

#answered #anonymous

[distress]

i have had a lot of crazy vivid and . detailed dreams lately and i know no one cares but i wanna record them bc i forget them so quickly but . i already forgot a really detailed one from a few nights ago. excuse my typing im on a new keyboard and dont feel like correcting all my typos

two nights ago i dreamt i was in oregon but going to visit florida bc in my dream i was going because i was in online grad school, and i figured i should go to florida to attend th e grad ceremony, which was may 5th in my dream, my actual college graduation date. so i went for two weeks . apparently i had a home there and it was pink with blue window frames and i lived with three roommates, three scrawny girls who dont actually exist and own 3-4 dogs. for some reason i took my cat to florida. martin came with me and got me adjusted, and we rode in the car with my ex michael and at some point they got out to do something and i saw them talking to each other. they came back in the car, martin in the front seat and my ex in the back. i asked “what were yall talking about” and michael said “he said if i try to sleep with you he’ll kill me” . i was like oh,, thats not like him but i get it i guess. 

my house was close to the grad ceremony, almost a block away, it was similar to the layout of my elementary school. at some point i texted my friend charlotte that hey, im in florida. i realise its suddent but id like if we could hang at least once. and she said why are you here? and i said just because, no trauma like last time lmao can you hang? im here til may 5 and she said well im busy 3-6th and i was like ok but what about the days preceding and she wouldn’t give me a clear answer

eventually i was at my grad ceremony and then an after party and charlotte was there, but so were a lot of people. we were sitting in a circle. looking back, it was a lot like the first “party” i went to before i was even friends with her and her friends etc . in a dorm we all sat in a circle. but we walked home together and on the way home i told her hey, you wouldnt tell me if you were free to hang any other day. eventually i told her she was being a huge bitch and bad friend. she gto really defensive. i went back to my house. i realized i brought my cat and hadnt let him out for forever, he probably shit all over. so i rushed home and michael was around and my roommates let their dogs out when i let my cat out and it was a disaster. 

at some dumb point my ex told me his real name was austin which was weird ( and not real lol) but i adjusted to calling him that really quickly. eventually we were in a bath tub together and i was really aware that i was cheating on martin. i dream a lot of cheating on him recently, honestly. its. expected i guess but weird. because until a month or so ago i constantly dreamt he was cheating on me. 

we sat in the bath and some guy came in and was like, hey. and i was like uh? im naked? and he said can i stay and i said yes. and he got in the tub too.

i left

back to my pink and blue house and suddenly was overwhelmed with this feeling that i , althought i was “visiting” had to move, and suddenly i had so many things at th e house. there was this. ferris wheel of items. dishes. and i would turn it. it was in the wall and if i turned it too fast all the dishes would break. and i started freaking out over how much i had to move. so much to move. 

---

my next dream started with me and my parents trying to go to silver falls. we drove and drove but we got to a certain point and it was flooded as all hell

-- typing that reminded me of my dream before, that was the ssecond time in three days i dreamt of a flood

--

i dreamt . the past three nights ive dreamt of cheating on my boyfriend

i dreamt i was at the mall with my hs best friend , and her mom who hated me for no fucking reason. in salem. with our dogs. the mall was closed. i fought them on what we would do a lot to get my dog home, daisy, who died in 2014, a big black german shepherd. something happened with my brother driving my dog home. somehow i ended up sleeping in my car across the street from the salem downtown mall, and i slept through a huge storm that caused catastrophic flooding. i woke up and got out of the car and walked around for a tad, and a flash flood rushed through and i hid behind a wall clinging onto it while giant floods rushed by.  i ended up in a tree until my brother came by with some people. a guy, who doesnt exist other than in my dream, who i like, and some other asshole who... we got seperated, and the asshole kept insukting me and telling me i was the worst . while we crawled through some ceiling trying to getto a safer place, getting separated from my brother and the guy i loved . eventually, the guy was so mean to me too. he tried to hit on me and manipulate me later aftter being mean and i said why would i treat you well when youve been so bad to me.

--

back to the other flood with my parents. we were trying to go hike. but a flood. i got out and there was a baby moose nearby. i freaked out-- the parent is close and she will fuck us up. i screamed at my parents to get in the car and i could see the mother moose running toward us while i tried to slam all the doors shut. 

then it shifted to another dream. i dont remember the context but i know it was uncharted -esque being shot at. i was with a girl named atria who i had a crush on in college and i kissed her. and i kissed someone else. i remember kissing so many people and knowing i was cheating on my bf every time,and . thats basically it

and its weird, because typing these dreams out ive recalled a good handful of other dreams in their weirdly vague details. i cant even explain them because i basically just remember extremely detailed images-- driving up an extremely steeep hill to get to a spring with a weird dam, driving through tons of fields in the hills seeing huge houses, a giant fun factory esque playground, driving down pine street but somehow feeling i was in salem still, ....,, screams. dreams fuck me up so much. i love having vivid dreams but its so strange to remember scenarios from dreams from years ago that are so wildly fantastical and have nothing to do with that imagery. 

#dream #ref