#bro I hated myself in my 20s because I felt like I was walking on eggshells around women

[zenjestrr]

ok someone just made a post about how some women are treated a type of way purely off of vibes (specifically mean girl vibes in that post) and how it's fucked up to presuppose that going off of absolutely nothing and I definitely agree that's fucked up however, they also said men don't get treated this way and I was like H U U U U U U H H H H H H ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? men ABSOLUTELY get treated negatively by absolute strangers based off of Vibes™, are we living on the same planet? you know how many guys have been minding their own business but are called creepy or intimidating behind their back? this is especially common for men of color. bro someone once told me that I gave off serial killer vibes like ??????

#bro I hated myself in my 20s because I felt like I was walking on eggshells around women #cuz I didnt want to come across as one of the bad ones #do you know how EXHAUSTING it is to have to deal with a part of the population #that has their guard up 24/7 by default #and like yea I get it but holy shit #being a man is being accused of being an aggressor by your mere existence ESPECIALLY in feminist-ey spaces #you are guilty until proven innocent so the only way to cope is to defang yourself or just not care #I did the former in my 20s #and now in my 30s I'm the latter #idgaf anymore if you shit yourself that's on you I'm done #anyway they made a good point in their post but that one bit took me out of it #I didn't wanna respond in their post cuz it would derail their valid point but like ???

[hot-crossedbuns]

being trans is so weird.

I'm trans masc. in transitioning towards presenting more masculine. if I could I would have a hysterectomy and top surgeryl right now.

but I just saw a Reddit thread about "girl secrets" and I found myself in the comments of hundreds of people describing the mundane aspects of their womanhood, like making sure you get the leftovers out when you shower at the of of you period or the weird adjustment thing you have to do with your boobs sometimes when trying to sleep.

My hair has always been a source of dysphoria for me, always being complimented on my hair, long and thick, natural highlights and gentle curls. all I ever wanted until I finally gave in at 17 was to chop it all off. I'd get a buzz cut if it meant people stopped seeing me from behind and immediately clocking me as a girl because it went right down my back even in my ratty ponytail.

but I saw this tiktok on how women often swoosh their pony tails behind them when they walk, because it's fun. and it is! I always found some joy in that before I finally cut it off and felt pride in my hair for the first time ever.

my co-workers are all women, cisgender women who don't know that I'm not one of them. to them I'm just the short haired lesbian that works shifts with them. but this means they include me in their monthy girls nights and I get to feel the joy of being the inside of some secret club I never really felt a part of as a kid. it's fun hearing them chat shit about their exes, talk about those weird things that only happen to women because of our anatomy.

and yet, I'm taking steps to turn away from that, because while these spaces are safe and familiar to me, they what's felt unnatural and like I was intruding on something not meant for me.

I'm taking these steps to look and be seen the way that makes me confident and empowered, and yet I'm time I'll lose the experience of talking to random women fixing their make up in the at the mirrors in public toilets, or seeing 5 drunk women tell a random stranger she's beautiful when they find her ex left her for someone prettier.

Men don't have that support. and I'll lose that forever when I transition.

and yeah, once I visibly transition I don't have to be as afraid of walking home at night, and yeah i won't have to hear drunk old men hit on me after telling me I look like their grandaughters, and yeah I won't have to deal with sexist jokes made at my expense by my guy friends.

but once women stop seeing me as a woman and start seeing me for me, suddenly my past, my whole childhood, where i believed I would be a woman the rest of my life, suddenly changes meaning.

if I were to talk about those weirdly sexual and creepy comments my best friends boyfriend made for months, it's just guys being dudes. if I mention the time my boss's boyfriend smacked my ass during a busy shift, it's just a bro tap. if I mention how random guys at work often try to hug me or hold my hands or call me pet names, it stops being harassment and just starts being guys messing about.

if I mention how my cramps can immobilise me, or how much I hate wearing tampons or how dogs do that weird thing where they just keep sniffing your crotch or how sometimes my ovary cramps and it's rock hard beneath the skin, or how frustrating it is when your period comes 2 days early and ruins the underwear you liked or it's a week late for absolutely no god forsaken reason and your hormones are all over the place, and you're moody, tired, angry, sad, hungry bloated and nauseous all at once, they're just look at me all funny because his could I, someone who looks and presents as a guy, possibly know what it's like to be a woman.

as if I didn't live as one for 20 years.

as if I didn't plan to live my life as a woman.

as if I didn't grow up being someone's daughter, sister or niece.

as if I didn't expect to be someone's mother, wife or aunt.

being trans is weird, because once you realise it, all of your life experience slowly stops mattering.

it's weird because yes I want the world to separate me from who they always assumed I would be, yes I want them to stop seeing me as that little girl who didn't quite know how to be a girl. yes I want them to see me the way I've always felt I was supposed to be... but I don't want them to only see the masc side of me.

my girlhood, my femininity, my lived experience as a female in the 21st century all helped shape who I am now, and just because I'm trans doesn't mean that goes away.

but no one really sees that.

and yeah, it's a good thing, it means the world is finally starting to see me for who I've always known myself to be.

but knowing that part of me is slowly fading is weird.

being trans is so weird.

and so frustrating.

all at once.

#im just having a weird time #dysphorias been kicking my ass #and that reddit post about 'girl secrets' really fucked me up a little #anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk #trans #transgender #transmasc #trans man #trans issues #lgbtq

[gayspock]

ok 1 menty b for me

i dont know. i think its just always been so alienating. i think theres something wrong with me and its unfixable. and sometimes, if i cant have anything else, i just want at least the fucking chance to express that without people thinking even less of me. and ik in reality nobody even gaf or sees me. but i also know know that if they did, 9times out fo 10 people would be rolling their eyes. whatever. idk. i feel so lonely and i dont think im ever not going to be lonely and its never going to get better because even when given the resources, the opportunities i just can never manage . i just cant . i swear i try . but every single time. my whole fucking life . i just walk away from everything with even less, it feels like. and its getting so much harderand harder. and i dont know how to express it liek ... i fucking feel myself SEETHE as ppl keep insisting "theres still a chance! there's still hope!" like sure bro. but i dont want to fucking keep living my life along the fucking asymptote of getting consistently closer to dying alone but "haha technically its not a certainty" and . like theres just something so fucking repulsive about me and i just cant seem to fix it no matter what. and im so exhausted all the time. and i genuinely dont think theres any way out of that . i go to work and i come home so burnt out and tired. and people are nice there but i dont think i can really connect with anyone . i just cant seem to get close to people . and i dont have it within me to meet anyone else because im so fucking tired all of the time .

and even if i did and i mustered all the energy and spent all the little time i had left in the world i dont think theyd have time for me. not just bc nobody in their 20s does but also because i dont know . it just never seems to work . and i cant do it again where i try to invest every little piece of me into it when its jsut always left me fucking miserable and pathetic. bro do you know what i mean. not to be 16 and lame as shit still. i feel like im always the idiot ppl take pity on at best . i dont think ive ever been real to anybody. like alwaysssssss...... and even now i feel like every time I HAVE existed within circles of others. its literally 10 times out of 10 just constantly fighting to be included and seen as someone whos not a fucking joke and i just feel like such a fucking . loser for caring so much about it when. REALISTICALLY. pretty much all the people ive met in life will have forgotten i exist. and ok. ok. i just dont think ... like its not like some trait within me right like ... im not As melodramatic to be like oh . oh theres an actual innate trait within me thats activated and stops people liking me. just. the contrary like. i just think theres nothing within me to actually like . or to gravitate towards. so likeyeah sure . that makes sense. why WOULD you want to bother with someone whos just kinda hollow or whatever.. something something or other. and i kind of wish i was more resilient about tht. but i jsut . i guess as is a Guy of that Nature, its just ... im trying to fucking not fucking spiral but i just feel myself fucking filling up with fucking . miserable SHITTY bile or whatever because i just wish i felt normal or whatever. its such a fucking human fucking thing that other people can MANAGE. but i cant . its so so fucking hard and i cant do it and i cant handle it. and i just feel so angry sometimes anyways . bc i hate it . and i keep trying bc i wanna make peace with it because i know theres no out . like ive long since given up on ever thinking its going to work out . because nothing fucking helps but makes it so much worse . anyways. i dont know. but i dont know bro. it drives me fucking insane when people always spout some bs about how "haha everyone has someone! everyone will find someone! like no they dont no they wont . its so .. so much more isolating. or like "EVERYONEEE feels lonely sometimes" like HOW does that help. HOW. and it makes it so MUCH FUCKING WORSEEEE when people tell you about how lonely they are too!!! like cool . i dont have a chance then. sorry i know thats such a bitter bitch thing to say. but idk if it rlly matters like ... at the end of the day idc when ppl have partners. or people they talk to. family who loves them. and youre still lonely. cool. thank you for letting me know, dude. go back to the people who will look out for you and love you whilst i sit in the dark and not speak to anyone for weeks whilst not a single person would even notice im gone .

or like. bro. i dont think a single person has taken me seriously for long enough to ever fucking like me or hold me in enough regard to like... want to talk to me again nevermind like be with me in a certain sense so i jsut. i dont know. sits alone. every fucking day for years maybe. i dont know. i feel so fucking sad and angry knowing deep down that i can know all this and know its true but even then . i cant even have that . people wont even take THAT part of me seriouslyand think im just some fucking idiot whos not even trying. when i really reallyhave but its just so... worthless it feels like . it feels like im never getting anywhere and everyone thinks i just gave up when i didnt. and i dont know. thar makes it sound like people actually see me and really are laughing or something when i dont think its nearly that much. i think its like oh people see me make that as a snap judgement and i fall out of existence again. and i dont know. it shouldnt matter but i feel so fucking strung out and exist between these instances only and idk. idk bro. im trying to be okay with it. but as im getting older i just feel like theres so many more things that are revealing themselves as worse and worse. and im going crazy. im going crazzzzzzyyyy . whatever . insert the mental breakdown gifs . the funny ones where those guys aremoving really fast

#egg.txt

[sxfik]

Omg dud you finally get around to reading witchshadow?? What are your all over thoughts??

omg hello!! and yes i did! i actually ended up rereading the whole series because it's been literally seven years (saying that outloud makes it so much more real wtf). it took me a while bc my god are those books a l o t to get through for me now.

i mean idk if i need to preface this since you were literally there but like... i was one of like the 10 people that was active about this series on here when it started back in the 2016-2017 era. like i love this series, and to this day i've kept the username and all the stuff i wrote for it, so just like idk a disclaimer: im not here to hate or anything, just truly mourning something i really loved.

overall thoughts: witchshadow was so disappointing. like resoundingly disappointing. there was so many things i had issues with, and idk if i even have enough time and words to describe it. i feel like this whole series suffered from having too many complex plot points and too many characters introduced five books into a six book series. not to mention the amount of lore and words that is dropped into the books with little to no explanation of what they mean and what they indicated in this world? like how is it book five and i still don't understand what a domna truly is?

i feel like the complexity balance was really held well up until witchshadow, when it literally just got so confusing that none of the characters felt like themselves? also the weird timeline for this book did not help. like jesus christ this book is complex as it is, how are you making it harder for us??

like a) iseult. i felt like she was overshadowed in her own book, i wanted to know about her nomatsi heritage and literally so much about her like the other books did for the main characters, but this felt so disappointing. where was all the worldbuilding you set up for this moment? why did esme just get downgraded all of a sudden? and also just... she doesn't feel like she made any character improvement/her arc went backwards?

b) safi was just? stupid in this book? how did she have a negative character arc. like i know she's supposed to be reckless and making impulse and stupid plans, but her character felt reduced to just that. like first and second book safi: i knew why she was making these decisions, even if they backfired, but this just feels like a mockery of her character. and i love safi, and i wish she had a way better arc than she did, and got treated with the same book time as isuelt and aeduan.

and also god, the weird emperor/safi bs was so unbareable. she's literally like 18 in this book (i actually thought she was closer to 19/20 but whatever i guess she's 18 here). every scene with them was so werid and uncomfortable. (especially that weird one where she walks in while he has sex what the fuck was going on there) why was she desperate to have sex with what i assume to be like a 60 year old??? i had to force myself to read through these parts and not skip them

and god the hellbards. i loved them at first but im getting sick of them taking over the story. why are they so important that they essentially replace both merik and practically the whole main cast of characters. why are they mentioned at every turn? if they were this important, why didnt you introduce them sooner?

c) why does safi and iseult just not have any interaction. its literally been five books bro the seperation arc is enough (and yes i fully consider them separated) !! why have they had 0 character development together?? they're arguably the center of this series, and what started this whole chase, and yet we've gotten maybe one book and a half of them actually growing together. how is this gonna turn out for the final book when you have maybe 600 pages and 6 characters to get through?

d) where the fuck was merik. hes literally a main character how did he disappear??

e) the whole vivia/stix to vivia/vaness makes me. upset. i dont understand the decision to make them threadsisters when they were vivia was gay panicking about her 24/7 in windwitch. literally 0 buildup for something that feels like it came out of nowhere. why are they like siblings now, it feels so so so weird. i honestly have so much more to say about this and yet im still upset

now this might seem like such a hateful rant, and i promise it's not hate, it's just frustration at what seemed like such an excellent book series. and honestly, up until bloodwitch i was doing fine and then this book was just... so different to the rest of the series. i know susan was forced to combine the books into one, and so maybe that's why, but idk man, this felt so disappointing.

i love foreshadowing and worldbuilding when it's done right, and i think it was doing great until this book. a lot of stuff felt like plot twists out of nowhere, with no rhyme or reasoning to it. it just didn't feel like a witchlands book if you get what i feel. honestly, out of love and time for this series, i think i'll be reading the final book as well in the series, hoping things get fixed and we get to see characters that were beloved back again.

(p.s. how are you? its been so long!!)

#user: sxfik #mine #the witchlands #witchshadow #witchshadow review #susan dennard

[lunarain0918]

Falling hard for people you've never met

Specifically made this account for my over thinking lol. Okay so 3 years I met two amazing people. To say that they changed my life is kinda an understatement, which does sound stupid. So first lets start with boy 1. boy 1 and boy 2 where bestfriends. I dont rallly remember how they met its whatevs. so me and boy 1 got really close and we texted eachother for about a year every single day. I mean there was not one second we werent talking. I never really got close to boy 2 which i knew he had some weird atraction towards me. I was also really young and naive and would let every remark that they said towards me slide. Like bro i was so blinded at it, when i first turned 19 i forgot about them somehwhat. i would still think about them from time to time. But when i first got to college i made the smartest decision to delete both of them days after they contacted me first. Now a couplde months later, i get a notification that boy 2 added me. my dumbass added him back then i think we talked for like 1 day and went back to no contact. After i turned 20 i noticed him starting to watch all my socials all the time and i wanted to text him to catch up but it was NOT worth it, so i didnt. Couple months later, i am back in college and i made the stupid decision to add boy 1 on social, which again was stupid but i did. This was like the day before spring break and me and my friend decided to be stupid that night and like stalk literally everyone and their baby mommas swear. We honestly could be like secret spys or something my god. Anyways the day of springbreak i unadded him because he didnt accept it. BLAH BLAH BLAh. anyways again one night with me and said friend i decided to text boy 2 and of course they are bestfriends so he texted boy 1 so he added me back. Also sorry if i sound incompetent in some sentences i am very gone. Anyways me and boy 2 text eveyday ish, then it started getting slower and slower and i remember getting mad at myself because i am letting this happen AGAIN sam situation different friend. Let me also explain me and boy 1 relationship was so confusing towards me because we didnt act like friends but less than a relationship typa deal. There are so many things i just now learned, three years later about boy 2 and it scared me and i told myself not to do the same shit again but i did lmao, no surprise and i hate myself for that. I tried excusing their behavor at certain time towards me, but there is only a certain limit your body can handle. It was weird that my body knew what was going to happen before i actually knew until that moment. In life your always going to meet people, and you really dont know if they are considered a lesson to teach you something, ot if they are going to be in your life completely. Which sucks because im impatiant and i always end up getting hurt. I finally started standing up for myself and not scared to speak up for myself. Thats new for me, people cant walk all over me anymore and ive never felt so alone. Let me expalin that. When you start actually saying something and people finally realize that youll sya something back is when they leave. They no longer have that power over you and they know that. I feel alone not lonely, better to not deal with people actions and not allow yourself to feel like that again. I devoted 3 years of my life towards them and im never allowing myself to be in an relationship or friendship, or whatever the fuck that was that constitely leaves me confused after every conversation. Im a new adult and i never want to go through that again, but once again i ahve a whole life ahead of me that its really inevetable, which sucks but character developemtn i guess. I do want to say that for both of them this is an apology for not meeting yall later on and not when i was so young. I think thats what kinda ruined in but i cant change anything about that. I dont regret that we met im actually glad i expirienced that with the both of them, but i think its time to move on. I say that but i know if they both texted me right now i would respond in an instant.

[ellaintrigue]

I'm getting a bit long in the tooth but one perk of that is that I can smell my own bullshit by now. I know a major reason why I'm single is because I have a temper and I am hard to get along with. I've tried to behave myself but it is what it is lol.

Being single doesn't bother me but it would be nice to just meet some people without the attached bullshit on their part. I was talking to a nice fellow from Salisbury the other day, my associated profile said "can't have kids and don't want them" right on top. Well, turns out he wanted kids. I asked him if he read my profile and he told me he thought I wasn't serious. Okay? He then proceeded to say he had been single for years and that this experience was a disappointment and that he felt like he would never find someone. Well, sorry to hear that bro but I'm not on that level of whine and you also have to respect what other people want. I don't try to manipulate people that want kids into not having them for my sake. That's called being selfish as fuck.

Do you know that it took me literal years to find someone to just meet up with me for a beach date? Had my beach date last year and it was fun. Now I'm going to have to probably wait more years because I meet 2 types of men: they want sex and nothing else or they WANT TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS. RIGHT NOW. RIGHT THIS SECOND!!!! There's no such thing as just meeting up for a walk, going to the beach, or any other non-sexual activity.

I really don't understand the users. If a guy says he wants FWB or whatever then cool, I just move on. I do not want casual sex. I don't hate these men they are simply a waste of time and there are SO many of them. Living next to Ocean City, all summer long it's tourists messaging me for sex. But on to the users, I don't understand why men lie hard to get sex. Okay, they want sex, fine. But why create elaborate schemes where you say you want to care for someone and build with someone to get it?

I talked to this guy in March and he had a car. He seemed cool then we got out of touch, no big deal. April he comes back, says his car died but he can still get from A to B, is that okay? I said sure, because I'm not going to tote anyone around. So I drove 20 minutes to meet him and he stayed for 20 minutes because of the ride situation. I thought he didn't like me but he said he did. Whatever, but that's strike 1. Gas is expensive!

So he's attentive, calls me, texts me on his work break, is super sweet. Too sweet, sus, but I'm paranoid too. He says he's staying in a hotel while he works construction since he doesn't have a car. And that I can come over any time. But he knew I didn't want sex and that I wanted to do things like go to the beach so why would I waste more gas to come to your hotel room? Seems like you just want ass. Keep talking to him, more shit about how he feels a connection with me but nothing else mentioned. I told him gas is expensive, if I want to go out I actually want to do something and I already drove to you once.

Finally I started noticing him on dating apps as online whenever he was supposedly sleeping or working. Am I controlling? Nah. But if you actually gave a fuck you wouldn't be doing all of that. So I told him, "no hard feelings, but this isn't working out, you say you want to be with me but there hasn't even been a second date and you're on POF all day." He then said that at least the women on POF gave him what he wanted so that was that, confirming my suspicion that he was a liar and playing games. He said me not wanting to drive to him was all just "excuses."

I asked him if he even got checked for STDs between all these women and playing around and he said that getting checked was feeding into the medical industry and wasn't something he was going to do. I asked him if he was also anti-vax and he said yes and called me a snowflake.

Needless to say, he's blocked now but it's a shame that there has to be people like that who tell all these lies and try to make someone feel good just so they can fuck them and throw them away. That's not only emotionally cruel, it's dangerous. Like, what, you're going to give someone HIV or some shit just because you feel like it?

People tell me, stop posing in your underwear and start wanting to have kids because that's why you attract these kinds of men. But in the end, it's all on them. They choose to be bad so don't deflect. I've had men wanting to use me for sex since I was 12 years old in blue jeans and a t-shirt with no tits. That's just how fucked up people are.

#Dating #Pinup #Bikini #Selfie #Goth #Lipstick #BP #Body Positive #Self love #Model #Retro #Respect

[sherri-28]

Title: EverLasting Love by sherri-28

Picture is drawn by me 🥰

Characters: Austin and Dawn

EVERYTHING IS NSF AND FICTIONAL

The Prologue:

Where have you been, Chapter 1.

Finding the true soulmate of yours is difficult. By the time I was 20 years old, I had 5 failed arrangement of marriages planned by my parents.

My parents were influential in the business development world, my father owns a company named TimberTech. It was a multimillion dollar company, I took over TimberTech shortly after a year ago when I was 17. I was still in Highschool, I studied in Japan for awhile before moving back to Canada.

Walking down the hallways with a stained white shirt covered in blood after beating up some jerks at the school’s courtyard. Made myself, Austin Timberlake the king of Sakura Highschool, I was nothing but a punk (ofc 😑). My class was retarded bunch of idiots (oof) but one thing that makes me laugh was why the hell a girl from russia would come to Japan.

‘Ohayou gozaimasu!’, I am Dawnson Williams. I am glad to be the new transferred student, the moment she spoke. I felt a tingling sensation, I felt like my world had changed. There was something about her that makes me wonder, her sapphire eyes, long and straight dirty blonde hair had me in a chokehold.

Damm, I prayed to god that this girl would not sit next me. (……) WHAT!!! I said I did not want her to sit next to me, why is sitting beside. I swear to god, I will murder my homeroom teach-. ‘Hello!, what is your name?’. Well, I got bad luck or the teach hate my guts.

Dawnson POV:

‘I am someone..’ he said, Ehhhh? ‘Yo, someone’ I said. Did this punk side eye me 😃, i am pretty sure he did. What did I do to him?, I just want to make friends with him. He is cold person.

My family is one of the world’s richest families. ‘The Everviolets’ are not only just wealthy, we are old money people. I technically have royal blood from my ancestors in the ancient times, YES! My family bloodline is that OLD yet our family tree is even worser than you expect. I have like 20 uncles or aunts that I never met before. Currently my brother, Sora is the head of our family. By the way, I have 1 sister and a annoying brother who is older than me by 2 minutes. I am his older sister but he treats me like i am a 5 year old.. GEEZ, SORA U BLOODY IDIOT of a dude

Anyways, I “love” my bro for the most part but sometimes I hate him.

Sitting beside Mr Someone aka Austin which I found out he is like the king of this school or something ig? Being pretty is difficult in this pathetic school because the amount of girls who have a crush on Austin thinks I am his girlfriend (LMAO)

Why would I waste my time with a guy. I rather be single and rich so that when my bro have kids, I can be their rich aunty 😆…

To be continued…

#my story #oc x oc ship #romace #comdey #fanfic #fluff #highschool lover #childhood friends

[diaryofahomosexual]

12:04 Oh also I had a single edible when we got home from his Nanny’s right, and I had an edible as soon as I got home right around 9:30, around 10:15 I feel goofy and around 10:40 I slipped into an hour and 20 minute time dilation [12:00AM RN] exactly like the two trips I told y’all about last time (I’m actually still tripping major balls; experiencing events before they happen so my brain processes them before they seem like they’re happening to me right, which makes them feel infinite, and making everything I see or do RN a BAD MEMORY like I swear to god I’ve been hearing my mom clank pans in the sink for an hour and then also hearing random bits of sentence dialogue just actual randomly, like I had originally experienced during my first bad high right like hearing random barks and sounds from things that DEF ARENT HAPPENING AROUND ME??? And bro this trip was the most wild bcuz I was the most aware of it like this has been absolutely terrifying to experience again?? But also I hate that I love it like the thrill of not knowing if I’m gonna make it out of the time dilution type thrill ugh I can vent abt this for hours

12:07 I want to write an essay about everything I’ve felt in the past 80 minutes but it’s so refreshing and also terrifying to experience? I don’t want to ever have this feeling while at work? and my brain confuses this exact feeling with how reality actually is? And that it takes the weed to activate it ya know?

12:08 And something more fuckign wild was that I can describe what I mean by communicating with the 4th dimensional beings now, what was happening is I was thinking something, and then the people and objects around me were reacting TOGETHER RANDOMLY to make a reply to.

12:11 So I was conversing with myself but with the surroundings? So I would think “Oh for this to stop do I need to ____” (ex: oh no I’m super stupid high again do I need to (and then I see a dog) and then a TV show or my mom and dad talking would SPEAK OUT IN RESPONSE “oh- yea-H”)) or Id think “

Life can be a totally different conversation between several dimensions right. Like a 4 dimensional one? The being that I just was right now, was talking with the environment I was feeling like deadass

12:15 So a thought talking and then a brain talking with the rest of the environment around it. Like life doesn’t matter because we are a conversation between those things too. And also I know I’m still high because I’m still having these conversations. Like my body was getting so hot temp wise when I was telling myself “Oh no I got stupid high because Weed is bad and always bad for you!!” And then literally the TV would say no in the dialogue. And just now I’m feeling cold when I was walking around thinking that was the best thing it was like playing A Literal Hot and Cold game with reality itself.

12:20 I’m very much in a wild spot rn because I’m simultaneously like Yo It Deadass Will Be Okay Though, YOUVE DONE THIS TWICE BEFORE AND YOU DID A LOT OF MENTAL WORK BETWEEN THE LAST TIME AND THIS TIME. YOU WERE READY TO ACTUALLY TAKE AN EXPERIENCE AND LESSON AWAY THIS TIME.” And also bein like “Oh my God This is hell because everyone is acting this way BECAUSE THEYRE TRYING TO STOP ME FROM FEELING LIKE THIS, AS IF I WAS DISRUPTING THE SIMULATION SO THEY SAME AND DO RANDOM THINGS LIKE RANDOTRON FROM RICK AND MORTY IS CONTROLLING THEM. THIS LIFE SUCKS FOR THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE TRAPPED BECAUSE OF YOUUUUU but then it’s also like Yo I’m just actually high as balls rn and other people experience the same high I do but going in a diff perspective so the high itself is different

12:21 Sorry for the LITERAL FLOW OF STONED AF CONSCIOUSNESS

#vent #triggering #thc #thank god I’m off from work… #RIP ME TMRW

[crazycrackersworld]

Well I do believe it's safe to say that if you continue growing as a person you learn something new everyday. You learn at least one new thing everyday, sometimes more than one new thing but he always learn something new everyday.

And today, I have learned that I am one of many mistakes that need to be reflected on. So I'm a mistake that's nice to know I suppose.. honey I'm sure that person will say that that's not what they meant but it's how I see it based on decisions that have been made I see myself as the mistake. Because in my way of looking at things you don't stay with the non mistake you know and then just reflect on the mistake so just something to think about.

Now my mom got pregnant when she was 18, and I was born when she was almost 19 no she was 19 I don't know she wasn't 20 yet and the biological father did not stick around. And my entire life my mom has made sure to use the word unplanned when talking about me but let's face it I was a mistake I was born a mistake I was from my very creation I was a mistake.

No don't get me wrong there are some the babies that are in fact unplanned my daughter Katana was unplanned nothing about her has ever been looked upon as a mistake with me and her mom tried you know to stay together and I think sometimes that's the difference, if you know a young couple or it doesn't matter what age if there's a surprise pregnancy in one leaves I think that's an indication that it was a mistake not just on planned.

But I've never taken it personally and I've never felt bad about the fact that I am have been and probably will always be a mistake. I mean as much self-hatred and self loathing as I have I'm also quite arrogant and the fact that I honestly do believe that I am better than most people and definitely better than most human beings of the male persuasion. I honestly believe that I am one of the few real men that walk the earth today, the rest are just boys, dudes, bros, guys etc etc. Me I'm a fucking man plain and simple. I am 100%, all meat no filler pedal to the metal balls to the wall 100% man and I think my incredibly insane adopted father all of my uncles on my mother's side and my maternal grandfather for making me a man, cuz I'd hate to be any of those other things.

Now just how long somebody has to reflect on making a mistake like me, that I don't know I suppose it's different for everybody. I never thought that at least in this case that's what I'd be but I've looked at it from every angle and obviously it's what I am.

But I have changed a lot and learned a lot and adapted a lot in the last two and a half years, in fact probably more than at any other point in my life I am heading into being 50 years old and I think this is probably the most complete version of myself that has ever walked this floating Rock in the heavens.

I've never been a big one for forgiveness and I've really become less of one over the last two years forgiving is not my job that's in the realm of god, or the gods, or the cosmos I think it have to be in a very benevolent mood to actually forgive somebody, or it would have to be one of a very small small pool of people.

I have also always said what I meant, and meant what I said, and have been brutally honest to the point of people mistaking me for just being an asshole. And I've noticed that those things haven't really changed so much in the last two years as they've just become more laser focused if something comes out of my mouth I mean it, at least at the time. I mean there were times in my life where I used to use what I called the switchblade serenade, yes totally stole that from the name of a song by an 80s rock band but nonetheless I used to use that and disagreements especially with the opposite sex. The switchblades serenade is plain and simply saying things that you know are going to cut that person to the Bone emotionally you're going to peel back their layers to get to the wrong nerve and you're going to say things for no other reason than to cause them pain I mean whether it's true or not you're saying them for the cut and I've stopped doing that. Do I still occasionally say things that cut people to the Bone yes but now I'm not doing it just to hurt them now I'm saying it because at least at that moment in time I actually mean it and I might mean it the next day and the day after that I might mean it a month from now that doesn't mean I'm always going to mean it but at the time it came out of my mouth I meant it and honestly I don't care one way or the other if it hurts which is also a change. Because I used to do it just because it hurt, I used to do it to cause them emotional pain I used to do it to make them cry and then I would feed off of that pain and I would feed off of those tears and sometimes yeah I'd even laugh at them but that's not the case anymore now I say it only because I mean it and I have no feelings about what it does to them. I don't know if that's a good change or a bad change but it's definitely a change.

I really don't want to talk about this at all to anybody in a real conversation, I'm not going to talk to it with my online therapist I'm not going to talk about it to anybody I'm just putting it out there. And perhaps though I will spend some time reflecting on the fact that I am a mistake or in viewed as a mistake at the end of the day though with the way I've been acting and behaving I'll probably reflect on it and then just not care.

I have finally come to the realization that my opinion of myself is what should and does truly matter in the grand scheme of things. In my opinion of myself is that although I am not by any means perfect, and I am by not any means the nicest person on the face of yours I do know this if I care about you and if I trust you and if you've managed to find that very small room in my heart where I actually let people in, that there's not anything at all legal or illegal that I wouldn't do for you and I think that alone makes me a pretty good person. If you're one of those people it doesn't matter how upset I am at you, how sad, how depressed, how mad you've made me certain things about you and your family health and concerns and things like that Will trump how much anger I have for you I've never been able to do that before and I'm very happy that now I can. And again I think that that makes me better than most people.

I do have to say that this much self-reflection without any comforting liquids other than my apple cider vinegar tonic also impresses me.

#i'm a mistake #self realization #self contemplation #higher truth #best version of me so far

[pretend-writer]

Teenagers: Part 2 (Hargreeves x sibling!reader)

Summary: Y/N tries to convince her siblings to sneak out of the mansion and go out to party with her for the night.

Pairing: Hargreeves x sibling!reader

Title Reference: Teenagers x My Chemical Romance

Word Count: 2.3k words

Warning: swearing, mention of drugs and alcohol, partying/clubbing, mention of sex

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

'So where are these so-called friends that you have, Y/N?' Five asked impatiently, bothering me for the last five minutes.

'Shut up, they're coming. We just got here like two minutes ago.'

Allison smiled, 'Someone is eager to go in.'

Five glared at her, shaking his head. 'Ha, you're funny. I'm just tired of wai-'

'They're here!' I waved at my friends and ran to them, hugging them and greeting them. Getting the wristbands that they've promised me, I got back to my family and gave them one of each.

'How's Five going to get in?' Luther asked, but by the time we looked over at our not so younger brother, he was gone.

Assuming Five just zapped himself into the club, we lined up and got ourselves into the building.

Smiles formed on everyone's face, making me smile even more. I was happy that everyone was excited, my siblings deserved happiness and more.

Klaus clapped, 'I'm starting to sober up and that's a big fat no. Drinks on me, who wants some?'

Ben and Klaus went to the back towards the bar, buying everyone rounds of drinks to bring back. While the rest of us stayed, still no sign of Five, I looked at them and smiled.

'What's with the goofy smile?' Diego asked, I rolled my eyes and hit him. 'What? You're really happy tonight.'

'Of course I am, dummy. I'm out with you guys, what's not to be smiling about?' I pulled on his arm, 'Come on. Let's go to the dance floor.'

'Ha, I'm not dancing. Take others with you instead.'

'Luther is busy with those girls that's surrounding him, Allison and Vanya has been gone and you're the only one looking like a lost, sad puppy.'

'You don't think Luther needs our help?'

I looked over at him and laughed, 'He seems like he's enjoying the attention he's getting from them. He'll be alright. Now let's go.'

Diego rolled his eyes, 'I'll just watch.'

'Don't be a butt, come on.' I pulled on him again, this time he walked with me as he groaned.

We walked down to the dance floor, shoving ourselves through the sweaty crowd as we found Allison, Vanya and Five squeezed together.

'Exactly why is this fun?' Five said as he was sandwiched between two giant guys that were jumping up and down.

Allison turned around, dancing to the music the DJ was playing. 'Get drunk, dance your stress away. We're out the freaking house, Five.'

'Huh?' Five shouted, not being able to hear what Allison had said to him. She ignored him and continued to dance as she grabbed Vanya's hands.

I started to dance with my sisters, singing along and jumping up and down. Diego and Five just stood awkwardly, watching us drunk girls dancing.

'Excuse me, sorry. Ah, my fault.' Ben screamed from behind as he came with three drinks in his hand, followed by Klaus who was sipping from one of the cups.

Klaus handed us our drinks, 'Damn. It took us forever to look for you guys. I saw Luther's big ass but he's with those girls.'

'Our boy is busy.' I grinned as I pulled the straw into my mouth, sipping on my drink to get myself more drunk.

Five started groaning, I looked to see two girls talking to him and wondering how he ended up here. 'Aw, little kid are you lost? Poor thing.'

'No, I'm with them.' He replied angrily, arms crossed as he scooted himself towards Ben.

'Ah, you brought a boy to a club? What is wrong with you guys!' The girl said, given how bad it looked I never consider how it'll look from other perspective.

'Wait, no. It's- let me explain!' Ben stumbled with words, stuttering as he tried to reason with them. 'He- he's just a really really late bloomer. We're all actually in our 20s okay.'

'I'm just stuck in this body as an adult. Don't lie to them!' Five tried to defend himself, although it wouldn't really help with the confusing situation.

Klaus frowned and leaned towards the girls. 'Yeah, he's in denial. Very sensitive subject that we like to avoid.'

The girls nodded, awed as they were sympathize of our "situation" that we'd explained to them. 'So sorry, you guys have fun.'

'I hate you guys.' Five mumbled, snatching the cup from Allison's hand and drinking from it.

'Hey, I wasn't fini-'

'Y/N, this is the best night ever!' Luther came into the dance floor, cheerful as ever. 'Thank you for bringing me here because this is amazing.'

Diego chuckled, 'Of course. You were practically having a foursome with those girls over there.'

'You're just jealous.' Luther stuck his tongue out like a seven year old boy. Klaus, Ben and I laughed hysterically; it was even funnier because we were drunk, and Luther, our "daddy's boy" brother was enjoying sneaking out of the mansion.

'One of my friends are single, if you want me to set you-'

'Y/N, drop it.' Diego turned away, 'I need to take a leak. You guys better stay here.'

As Diego walked away with Five to the bathroom, we continued to dance and drink. Vanya was giggling, swaying back and forth as Ben and Allison had a dance-off seeing who can bring out the best moves. Klaus and I were downing the rest of our drinks, practically singing our face off as the DJ played such good music.

'Ah, we need more drin-' Klaus paused mid-sentence, looking back and forth between me and the stage. 'So you are whoring around, you whore.'

'Don't know what you're talking about.' I denied, not understand how Klaus came to this conclusion. 'I don't get it.'

He hit me on my side, 'Don't play dumb with me! I see you and that DJ eye humping each other.'

He wasn't making things up when he had said that; I did have my eyes on the DJ. 'We are not eye humping each other. He doesn't even know me.'

'Well, he knows you now because he's staring at you and I swear your clothes will burn off soon because he won't stop.' Ben chuckled, guessing that he noticed it as well.

'You're crazy.' I didn't think he noticed me at all, I mean he was the DJ. He was overlooking everyone on the dance floor, it'd be dumb to assume he had his eyes on me.

Allison joined in on the conversation, 'I noticed that too! I thought you guys fucked before or something.'

'No! What do you guys think I am?'

'A girl with needs.' Klaus smiled.

'Just because I sneak out does not mean I'm going around sleeping with random people.'

Vanya laughed, 'Okay well, you can with him. There he goes, looking at you. Don't look.'

'You guys lost your minds.'

'Says the girl that sneaks behind dad and her siblings.' Luther joked.

'Okay, Luther don't get me started with you and those girls.'

Luther grunted, 'Ugh. I-'

'Hey, big fella over there.' The DJ got on the mic as he pointed at Luther. 'Why don't you come on the stage, get the crowd going!'

'Go, go!' Ben and Klaus shoved Luther towards the stage, even with him being hesitant and shy. 'Go show what the Hargreeves are all about!'

'I-I can't!' Luther hesitated, planted on the floor even when all of us tried to encourage him to go up there.

The DJ smiled at Luther, then looked at me. 'Dude, bring your friends up here too. We're going to turn this dance floor around for a bit.'

'Come on, he's calling for you!' Allison cheered as she pulled me and Klaus' hand, running up the stage.

Luther, Ben and Vanya trailed from behind, standing next to us while we danced to the DJ's new song he was playing.

Pulling Luther towards me, I gave him the last few sips I had in my cup before I threw it away. 'Here, you are probably starting to sober up. You need more.'

'Ah, Y/N. What makes you think I'm not drunk right now?'

'Because I remember when you were the night-'

'Okay, okay. You and Klaus never let that night go.'

The DJ leaned in as he kept playing music, 'Hey. If you and your boyfriend want more drinks, it's on the house.'

'Ha, she's not my girlfriend.' Luther chuckled.

'Ah, I stand corrected.' The DJ then turned to me and smiled sweetly. 'Would you mind if I buy you a drink?'

I couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or him, but I felt my cheeks getting warmer as the cute guy spoke to me. 'No, I wouldn't mind.'

The DJ bit his lip, taking his headphones off and walking downstairs. 'Alright, I'll be right back.'

Allison tapped on my sides repeatedly as he walked away. 'You lucky! He's so cute.'

'Maybe he has a brother. I call dibs though.' Klaus stared at him, eyeing him as he went up to the bar to get some drinks.

While Allison and Vanya continued to dance on the stage, Luther was once again being surrounded by a bunch of girls from the dance floor.

'Y/N is scoring some tonight and Luther is getting all these attention again.' Klaus shrugged his shoulders, looking around. 'What in the hell did Luther do to have these girls crawling around like crazy?'

'Wait, wait. Scoring some? I barely said a word to this dude.'

'Whatever, man. I need to go back down and look for someone now.'

Ben chuckled, patting Klaus on his shoulder. 'I got your back, bro. Come on I'll be your wingman.'

As soon as Klaus heard those words come out of Ben's mouth, they both left the stage so quick I couldn't even speak to them back. Trailing them down the dance floor, I see the DJ coming back on stage with drinks in his hands.

'Here you go, I didn't know which drinks you like so I hope you like this one.' He was sweet, it could've been an act to try to talk to me but I didn't mind for one night. 'I'm Luke by the way.'

'Y/N. And this is perfect, thank you.' I gave him a flirty smile but then was interrupted when I saw something in the corner of my eye.

I looked through the crowd and saw Diego and Five, glaring at me and my siblings that were on the stage. They seemed like how Reginald would react in this situation; catching his children sneaking out at night and hanging out at a club.

Except it wasn't dad, it was my weird brothers that couldn't grasp what fun was. Watching us as if they were disappointed fathers that just saw their crazy teenager kids discovering drinking and partying for the first time.

'Oops.' It came out of my mouth naturally as I stared at Diego and Five, followed by a giggle that I couldn't help. It was funny watching them being weirdly upset with us, especially when it felt like the club was spinning round and round.

'You guys are screwed.' Five mouthed back, shaking his head as he watched us from down the dance floor.

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

My eyes shot open, not knowing where I was at for a moment until I realized I was in my room. I then see Diego sitting on my bed side chair, watching me as if he was guarding me.

'Rise and shine, zombie.' Diego chuckled, seeing how crazy I looked with messed up makeup and a bed head.

'Ho-how did I get here last night.' I turned around and looked around, noticed that the cute DJ guy wasn't in my bed. 'I don't remember anything.'

Diego grinned, 'You're curious huh.'

'Where is Luke-Oh no... Did I do something stupid?' I was confused, so confused because I thought everything was going good last night. But now that I didn't remember anything after I said hi to him, I got scared. 'Oh my- Did I do something embarrassing? Fuck.'

'Well, I don't know what you define "embarrassing" but yeah. You definitely made the crowd go wild last night.' Diego started laughing, his loud voice ringing in my ear from my hangover.

Covering my ears, I shook my head. 'Diego... shh. My head hurts okay.'

'This is why I don't drink.'

I shook my head, 'Is everyone back safely?'

'Oh, don't even worry about everyone else, they're perfectly fine. It was you that we had a hard time bringing home, Y/N.'

'So can you tell me what happened?'

'Sure, after you acknowledge that I'm the best brother ever.' Diego raised his eyebrows, adjusting his positioning on the chair.

A light laugh just escaped my mouth, keeping my mouth closed so I wouldn't start burst out laughing. 'You're kidding me right? Really?'

'Yes really. I had to carry you home, tuck you into bed after you kicked and screamed, help you get up so you can throw up. I didn't even know humans were physically able to throw up so much.'

When Diego put it like that, I felt bad that he had to take care of me throughout the night. 'Okay Diego, you're the best brother in the world. Also I'm sorry you had to do all that for me.'

'Aha, no worries. That was probably the most entertaining night ever.' He laughed, 'You were fucking crazy.'

I smiled, I bet Diego really enjoyed me making a fool of myself or whatever I did last night that got him giggling nonstop. 'So are you going to tell me?'

'Hmm, nope. Thanks for the compliment though.'

'Ugh, I hate you.'

'Not according to yesterday you don't.' Diego smirked.

#luther hargreeves x reader #diego hargreeves x reader #allison hargreeves xreader #klaus hargreeves x reader #five hargreeves x reader #ben hargreeves x reader #vanya hargreeves x reader #tua oneshot #the umbrella academy fic #the umbrella academy oneshot #hargreeves x sibling!reader

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 4 “Post Gym Gas” [Episode List] The showers at Dave’s gym are once again out of order so he shows up at Tim’s house to take a shower.  This time, however, he’s not in a rush, so he can spend a bit more quality time with his best friend…  With some help from the gassy effects of his fiber bars…

Unlike the other stories, this one is told from Dave’s POV.

Post-Gym Gas

“Man… thanks again, Tim.” I said, showing up in his bedroom wearing only a pair of boxers.

Yes, only a pair of underwear. Tim’s gay? He finds this attractive?

Who cares. That’s how I act when I’m around our other straight friends and I’m not going to treat Tim “unnaturally”, or like he’s some kind of of sick person, just because he thinks he’s making me uncomfortable. Heck: he probably got a boner right now. Big. Fucking. Deal. I’ll just take that as a compliment.

“Those idiots at the gym again messed everything up. Maybe I should go to a different one.”

I grabbed the towel that Tim gave me earlier and pressed it on the rest of my body as I still felt a bit too wet. I then checked my phone, answering a couple of texts from my girlfriend Dana and put on my pair of black gym shorts (they’re not really ‘shorts’ actually as they almost go below my knees when I get up). I remain bare-chested as it’s not really a cold evening and I don’t want to sweat again: I just took a shower!

As usual, I felt my stomach rumble a bit. “Fucking fiber bars again!” I thought. I ripped like eight long farts under the shower, but I still feel bloated. Is the gym working? I’m eating tons of those bars and I just can’t see the point. Well, at least they sure make Tim happy.

Yeah… Tim, my great, disgusting best friend. Can’t believe he likes this stuff.

Look at him, trying to read his books, in silence. He’s already as red as a tomato. I wonder when he’ll understand that he doesn’t have to feel so embarrassed about this stuff, not around me at least.

Speaking of which, I think I got one ready…

I couldn’t hide my smirk as I slowly got up and walked towards my friend sitting behind his desk. I was literally towering him. Tiny, short Tim: must defend at all costs!

I don’t know how this stuff works, but I hope he’s enjoying it.

And, honestly, I think it’s hilarious, and I’m always glad to share a few good laughs with him.

“Dude. I think I got a big one for ya.” I simply said.

I turned around, chuckling a bit, pointing his butt at his face. I leaned a bit and I felt his defenseless head brushing against the fabric of my gym shorts. I already started to laugh. I’m a worthless immature, but I thought that was hilarious. I pushed a bit and the fart came out naturally, as big as my usual blasts. I made sure that my ass was still brushing against my friend’s face: I need to make clear that I’m perfectly comfortable with his fetish.

The fart vibrated violently through my shorts right in his face.

Eight seconds. Man! I’m so talented. Fucking fibers though.

I turned around to check whether my friend survived to that, and his hilarious smile confirmed that he was alive and well (and probably aroused too, but that’s a problem I can’t take care of). I bursted into a laugh, I couldn’t’ help it.

“Told ya it was big!”

He nodded at me and smiled.

As long he’s comfortable around me it’s great.

We still spend an incredible amount of time together and, to be honest, nothing really changed.

But sometimes Tim acts a bit too awkward, so I just make him understand (every. single. time.) that there’s no reason to act all weird around me. Dude, I’m like your brother, you can trust me! I trust you, that’s for sure!

Man, I’m pretty sure he wishes more face-farts right now.

I wonder if he will ever have the guts to ask me directly. He knows I’m a proud farter, I’ve always been.

Gotta admit that the funniest part about all of this is how much of a dork Tim is, seriously.

If he wasn’t gay, pretty sure some girl out there would have considered him adorable.

To me, however, it was a mixture of annoying and hilarious.

I felt my belly hurt a bit; fiber bars were still messing up with my stomach. I finally put on a black undershirt and sat again on my friend’s bed. I’ll leave in a couple of minutes though, gotta a lot of stuff to work on back at home.

“Dave…”

Apparently, Tim just grew a pair.

I saw him turning red, into a stuttering pile of awkwardness.

I pretended to have no idea of what he was going to tell me and I tried not to laugh at him.

“I’d hate to make you uncomfortable but…”

I checked my phone, not even looking at him, if that made him more comfortable.

“But since you seem so open-minded about it I was wondering… nah never mind!”

I chuckled a bit. “What?” I asked, knowing exactly what he was going to say.

“It’s just that I don’t want you to think that I want to be your friend because of…”

“…because of my farts?” I simply said, cutting him off.

He almost fell from his chair and quickly stood up, nervous as usual.

“Tim, I know you’re not an asshole. If you were, I wouldn’t be here.” I stated.

Let me tell you the truth: I knew that Tim loved my farts and most of all loved the fact that I didn’t care at all about his fetish. And that’s it. He was my friend before realizing his fetish, since middle school.

Tim always says “Oh Dave! He’s so great. Always looking out for me!”, but that’s because he’s an insecure little shit.

The truth is that Tim has always been the one looking out for me. He’s always been there, for reasons that I don’t really want to explain, but let’s just say that sometimes it was pretty serious family stuff.

He’s not an asshole: he’s the opposite of that.

I know he considers me “the” best of the friends.

Let me tell you that I consider myself lucky to have a friend like him.

It’s hard to believe, I know, since he’s so weak and awkward, while I’m stronger and all this bullshit, but trust me.

This “best friend” thing goes both ways. He’s my bro.

“Were you going to ask me for a fart?” I asked, with a smirk.

His reaction was priceless.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. It���s just too… gay I guess.” he tried to say, faking a chuckle, trying to *not* sound embarrassed, completely terrified.

It’s not like this came out of nowhere though.

I did “help” somehow, not only with my continuous face-farting.

I even send him random fart videos on WhatsApp. That must be painful for him.

“That’s not what friends are for. You’re already doing so much for me. You’re being so supportive, more than I could have ever hoped, and I’m not only talking about… well… this” he said, too embarrassed to pronounce the word 'fart’ apparently. “I’m not in the position to ask for this stuff. Sorry.”

That was too easy.

I nodded and then, with a deft movement, gently kicked his ankle, making him trip on his own bed. His head landed right next to my sagging (in shorts) butt and I didn’t even need to move.

“There. Now you’re in the position to ask.” I chuckled.

He was, quite literally, in the *right* position: I could sit on his face in a moment.

I laughed so much at him, but I wanted to laugh with him.

I simply stared at my gay friend and smiled, finding his teary, embarrassed eyes a bit too hilarious maybe. I finally lifted my butt, and put it above his defenseless face. I didn’t sit directly on him: my ass was hovering above him, only inches away from his nose. I then started to fart, as I usually do.

Fiber bars were an incredible fuel. The blast almost ripped my pants. Even I could feel the wind being fired right in my friend’s face. Disgusting. Disgustingly hilarious. I bursted again into a laugh and I sat directly on his head as the fart kept going. One of my best of that day, that’s for sure. I think it lasted around 9 seconds.

Pretty sure he loved it.

“Smells great, does it?” and I lost it, laughing again like an immature jerk, despite being in my 20s.

Tim was dazed, startled and sat next to me.

I patted his shoulder in a friendly manner and he turned to me, finally laughing too.

“Gotta go now, bro.” I said, it was getting too late. “See ya tomorrow. I’m expecting you to join us this weekend. We’re having a surprise party for Lucy.”

“Of course! I already texted Greg. He’s got a new car and can pick both of us, so we can drink as much as we want!” he replied, with a rare smirk.

You smooth little fucker.

You act all awkward around me, but you’re still a party-animal.

So proud of you, bro.

“Finally! That’s the Tim I want to hear!” I said, heading downstairs. “See ya tomorrow then…”

Outside of the house, in his front yard, I then ripped one last, long, rumbling fart.

Fucking fibers!

I guess this one is literally on the house, Tim.

End of Episode 4

#fart story #eproctophilia #fartkink #davefarts2 #gayfart #malefarts

[darthwheezely]

i walk the line - f.w. - 1

1950s american carnival! au

Summary: The Weasley Bros. Circus has always been a family affair...until they pick up a highly unusual girl with wicked talents...

Warnings: 1950s America and all the shit that comes with it, NSFW/SMUT MINORS NO INTERACTING :) , alcohol usage, cussing, tw violence (fights), carny folk, contortionist, language and desc of intense circus acts, clowns, sad boy George, GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF BULLYING IN THIS CHAPTER, angst

taglist or people that may like this! DM to be added or removed @cappsikle @lumosandnoxwriting @whizboingies @virgohufflepuff @officialwizardwheezes @amourtentiaa @softlyqoos @breadqueen95 @thehufflepuffwife @george-fabian-weasley @lupinsclassroom @haileymorelikestupid @sarcasticallywitty15 @band--psycho @gcdric @vogueweasley @harrysweasleys @slytherinsunrise @thisismynerdyself @loony-loopy-lupinn @writingsomewrongs @pineapplesandpinas @valwritesx @amxrtentias @theweasleyslut @oh-for-merlins-sake @alyssamalfoy @bisou-doux

“...welcome to our home!”

George listened as the crowd erupted before his father. He had always admired Arthur “Art” Weasley, for many a reason. The way he could walk in and command a room, the way he could silence an entire audience with a simple flick of his wrist of wave of his hand, the way his voice alone could stop his cries in the night, the way he would come up behind him when taking care of the animals was too much and say, “Georgie, go to sleep, son.” but most of all? The way his father noticed him.

Baltimore, Maryland. 1933.

George Weasley was on the run. Again. Charlie Dooley, a boy from his class, and his gang of (as Fred said) “chickenshit babies” had made it a habit of following George home from school and doing one of the following: a) chasing him on bikes, b) cornering him in the bathroom, or c) sprinting after him on foot.

Today, it had been on foot.

“C’mon monkey boy!” Charlie howled, the other boys closing in on him. George sprinted a quick right realizing he dropped his lunch box and thinking a violent but rapid mom’s gonna be so mad, oh no oh no-

George barreled down the street, his house in sight, tears stealing on his cheeks from the sheer speed and necessity to get home. His feet seemed to be operating without him knowing, his body throwing itself backwards and forwards with the blinding need to be home, to hug his dad and say he wasn’t going to school anymore, to ask his mom to stop packing bananas in his lunchbox even though it was his favorite snack because mom don’t you know they call me monkey boy-

“Thought you could really get away from us this time huh, Georgie boy?” Charlie had pinned him to the concrete, George’s heart screaming in his ears. He could barely register that his lip was bleeding, and that maybe if he focused on the sky, his eleven year old shrimp of a body wouldn’t feel-

Pow.

Isn’t that what superheroes say? Pow? Let’s think about superheroes, Georgie, Charlie doesn’t last long with punches anyway just keep lookin’ at the sky, he thought wildly before-

Pow.

Pow.

He vaguely felt his eyes roll back into his head, but he made a very clear rule to himself that he wouldn’t cry, Fred wouldn’t want him to cry, not that Fred was mean, Fred just hates seeing him cry-

Pow.

P-

And suddenly there was something off his body. He could hear punching noises but they were not aimed at George, but rather someone else. When he was able to open his eyes he saw his brother, Fred, landing blow after blow to Charlie Dooley, Charlie mewling under Fred.

“Touch my brother again, and I promise I won’t just break your nose next time, yeah?”

-

Art Weasley sat with his son George in the red chair in his caravan. It was George’s favorite chair, as he learned the word “red” from that chair and then equated “red” to his own hair.

Arthur had known his son would have it harder. It wasn’t his fault the boy was different, he loved him just the same for it if not slightly more so for the way he was a bit quieter, the way he listened and thought and thought and then wanted to make choices. The way he asked his mom if he could pack Fred’s lunches for school because only George knew Fred hated crunchy peanut butter sandwiches with white bread.

But more so for the way George wasn’t afraid to show love. To cry. To feel things Art sometimes couldn’t articulate.

George was curled into his father, tears staining his button up shirt and his body shuddering with every anxiety laden breath. Art put a hand on his son’s back and put his lips to his hair.

“George, you have to breathe for me or you’re gonna get sick.” He rubbed his son’s back soothingly.

“I’m sorry, dad, I promised I did what you said and tried to protect myself and when I couldn’t do anything else I just didn’t look at h-him I p-promise, dad p-please don’t be mad at me...” he took another shudder and released a cry into his father’s shoulder. Art was not a helpless man, but there was something that destroyed and cracked his very soul at the sight of his most vulnerable child, the most angelic of his seven children. The one that everyone protected. And at times like these, sometimes all a father can do is hold his child. So that’s what he did.

“I know, son...I know...”

-

“George?”

George jumped out of his thoughts, his palms sweaty from the inevitable stage fright that always accompanied him before a show. It was no matter how many times he grazed the trapeze with his sister Gin and his brother Ron, the nerves were always the same.

At least this time, no pows would be administered from anyone besides himself.

He heard his name again, the daze breaking as he looked at his oldest brother Bill.

“George. You’ll be fine. You always are, baby brother.” He said softly, placing his hands back on, Cora (short for Corazon) the lion. George gulped and nodded, and Fred patted his back, giving a hearty wink. George smiled a small smile, clapping Fred’s forearm.

“Ready, Fred?”

Fred grinned.

“Ready, George.”

-

George belonged to the trapeze. The way his body seemed to elongate with grace and dexterity when he grabbed his sister, the way he gave flirty winks at the girls in the crowd, the way he never dropped a muscle unplaced-

The way their father always noticed.

Fred saw these things in his younger brother and couldn’t help the fit of jealousy in his stomach. Don’t get your tightrope in a twist, he was possibly the most proud of his brother, and his hand to God if he didn’t say he hooted his name the loudest watching him do his thing.

But he never felt like he could ever match that.

He knew his hands were meant for something greater, same as his mind. Juggling came almost as easy to the older twin as breathing, smoking cigarettes, witty banter, and sex (in no particular order). But George had something Fred didn’t have.

Approval.

Fred was, for all intents and purposes, a good person. A great person. But his habits could’ve said so much otherwise.

Fred had a nasty habit of letting his temper get the best of him. Ever since he could talk, he had taken on the role of protector to not only George, but to Ginny and Ron as well. Frequently, his hands always seemed to have more things to say than he could which says a massive fucking lot. At the ripe age of 20, he’d gotten into more bar fights and straight up blacked out sober more than his own father, and all of his other siblings. He’d been in and out of detention when he did go to school, and in and out of-

Well, you get it.

The one thing that always seemed to follow him? His charm.

Fred Weasley was a charismatic motherfucker.

And he knew it.

It was simple. All he had to do in between acts was make a couple jokes, a few magic tricks, and by the end of his little charade? He’d have at least 3 girls lined up for that night. And if he was in a particularly bad mood?

Well, it could get a little more than that.

On nights like this, he was fine with just two.

I mean...Fred knew what he was doing.

And on a night like this - he was damn proud of it.

Until he saw you...

Last night.

Fred’s dessert was named Candy. He honestly couldn’t remember what her actual name was, but he did remember she said:

“Call me Candy. I taste like it, too.”

And honestly? That was really all he needed.

It didn’t take him long to press her small body against his caravan. She wound her arms around his neck and fisted into his flame colored hair and yanked, his hips rolling as he moaned into her lipstick stained mouth.

Fred always did have a thing for gals in red.

Fred realized his pants had begun to be a tad too tight, as Candy’s tongue licked into his mouth. his hands found their way under her dress, fingers kneading at her thighs and she squeaked. He lifted her legs at her noise and he wrapped them around his body, his bulge pressing into where she needed him the most.

“Fred, please” she whined, his mouth attaching to the valley of her breasts, the exposed skin of her dress warm and inviting.

“Please what, doll?” He teased roughly, his free hand sliding to cup her ass and squeezing. She gasped at his rough touch and he bit her collarbone.

“Fred, please, fuck me” she said airily. He smirked before pressing a quick kiss to her mouth.

“Absolutely, baby, see how easy that was?” He licked her bottom lip and bit, before pressing his forehead to hers, the sheer strength of his body pressing her against the van enough to use his hands to pull her panties down enough for her to kick them away. She reached down to unzip his pants when he motioned for her to do so, his hard cock free of his boxers.

“You ready, pretty girl?” He growled against her earlobe. Candy whispered a breathy “please” and Fred slid into her cunt, her wetness echoing sinful noises at the contact. They groaned at connection, and Fred continued to go deeper into her until he bottomed out. He looked at her for confirmation to keep going and she nodded. He pulled out and slammed back into her, beginning to set a rough pace against the van.

“Freddie, fuckfuckfuck you feel s-so good” she sputtered, Candy’s back hitting and arching against the van, causing it to move slightly against her. Fred nipped and sucked at her neck, determined to always leave a map of where he left his treasure behind...

“Look at you, unraveling like a ball of twine. Never had cock this good, doll?” He reached a particularly good angle in her causing her to claw deeper at his back, biting in a scream.

“Thereeee it is, baby. You like that don’t you, c’mon be a good little cock slut and tell me what you want, want everyone in this whole fucking camp to know I’m fucking you so good.” His hand went to her clit, circling it harshly. He wanted her to finish, his dick was twitching all to hard in her and he needed her to release before it was his turn. Her moans and gasps and mini clawings were getting sloppier, losing their tempo.

“Fred-Fred-“

“Yeah, baby, I’ve got you” he groaned against her mouth at her clenching pussy. She gave a final sputter and screamed into his shoulder, a hot electric wave coursing over his cock, with one, two, three harder pumps, he released into her as well. He leaned his forehead against hers and kissed it lightly. But when he looked back at her face, she was already losing interest. Just like the others. But it didn’t bother him...at least not anymore, right?

Just another night.

-

Memories of Candy and Janie and Jessica and Portia and all the other girls seemed to wash away at the sight of you waiting after the show. Your eyes were full of life but somehow had something tired behind them. The way your hair wasn’t perfectly coiffed but still looked like you had tried to, the way your dress was crinkled at the bottom like you didn’t give a shit if it was crumpled in the bottom of your dresser.

And then you looked at him.

Fred Weasley could have sworn time stopped at the way you walked across the hay to him, your body positioned in a way that would’ve given him every reason to hold you. he realized his face began to flush at the sight of you getting closer.

That, he thought, was an alien feeling.

“Hi.” You said warmly to him.

“You’re Fred, right? I loved your act.”

He blinked twice and then returned your smile.

“Yeah. Thank you so much, I...I really try, I am so sorry but what is your name?” His eyes scanned your face. You stuck your tongue in your cheek and returned the search on his face.

“Y/N. Y/L/N. I’m looking for a job.”

#fred weasley #george weasley #Fred weasley smut #Fred weasley x reader #bill weasley #charlie weasley #Ron weasley #Harry Potter #Ginny weasley #arthur weasley #molly weasley

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Sun and Fun (S2, E12)

I can’t believe FOX has cancelled this absolute masterpiece of a show. I’m devastated. I’d like to think we’ll get picked up by another network for season 3 but I’m a pessimist and I don’t want to get my hopes up. I’ll be hanging around the fandom either way though. 

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:20 - Malcolm losing it in Martin’s cell? *chef’s kiss*. 1) excellent performance by Tom. 2) This is the Malcolm mental health content I subscribed for. This is Malcolm feeling overwhelmed, helpless, worthless, and frustrated all at the same time. This. Is. Wonderful. And. Realistic. This is what overwhelming anxiety (especially if you have an anxiety disorder) can feel like. It builds and builds until all of a sudden you’re consumed with all this nervous energy and frustration and it all turns to rage in an instant. But you’re not angry at other people. You don’t want to hurt anyone. That rage is just self hatred because you hate that you feel this broken and your stupid brain won’t function normally. 

0:33 - annnnd then when the excess nervous energy is spent but that feeling of self-hatred, despair, and fear still remains - you’re physically exhausted and 7/10. times you cry. Again, crying because of how stupid you feel for your little rage outburst, for how stupid you feel for feeling this terrible all the time. Malcolm is depicting a severe anxiety episode perfectly (in my experience) and THIS is why FOX is moronic for cancelling the show. The gorgeous and accurate depictions of mental health in Prodigal Son is unprecedented, truthful, and heartbreaking. It’s like nothing else on television. 

0:50 - This kind of hurts. Look at how cautiously Dani enters the room. Almost as if Malcolm is a wild animal she doesn’t want to scare. It makes sense given the state of the room she just entered and how completely openly and uncharacteristically vulnerable Malcolm is. I will say this though, despite how cautious she is, it’s obvious that she cares about Malcolm more than whatever happened before she walked into the room.

 1:03 - “So all eyes are on his head case son right?” This line is a direct quote from Malcolm’s anxiety disorder and depression. This is how you feel about yourself when in the middle of an anxiety episode when you’re also depressed. BUT OUR GIRL DANI!!! <3 This girl looks confused and concerned to hear Malcolm diss himself like that. The fact that she tries to comfort him when he’s in this state, makes her an absolutely A++ friend. 

1:11 - “No one cares about that.” “I CARE. I can’t live like this.” This scene resonates with me so so so much. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been 100% aware of how irrational my anxieties are and simultaneously 100% unable to do a damn thing about it because I’m too scared of who I’d be without the fear. Because I’ve defined myself by my anxieties for so long that it’s become the only definable element of my personality visible to me. I’m getting that vibe from Malcolm. I’m sure that’s exactly how he’s feeling right now.

1:30 - “That’s not what scares you. What scares you is living the rest of your life without your father in it.” Dani knows and I felt personally called out. THIS EMOTIONAL WHUMP IS GIVING ME LIFE. <3

1:39 - Look at our floppy haired, devastated boy. :( <3 I’m genuinely shook that he didn’t have a full mental breakdown this episode (but it’s coming....it’s inevitable at this point :) ). ALSO the look of absolute love and concern Dani is shooting towards Malcolm? Absolutely perfect. <3

1:51 - I genuinely find it so interesting that Malcolm keeps referring to “The Surgeon” as “Martin”. If you read my thoughts on 2x11 you know I think it’s because Malcolm has separated ‘Martin Whitly’ into three separate people in his head. “The Surgeon” = the serial killer who traumatized him and ruined his childhood. “Dad/Father” = the man who loved and cared for baby!Malcolm. But “Martin” = unknown. Malcolm doesn’t know who Martin is yet and it scares him. 

1:58 - “For once in your life slow down and acknowledge what this is doing to you.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this line. So. So. SO. MUCH. <3 <3 This is the kind of comfort Malcolm needs. SOMEONE needs to tell him that he’s breaking, it’s not his fault, and he doesn’t deserve to suffer for Martin.

2:07 - annnnnnd Malcolm has gone full crazy-person string murder board. He’s right but he’s still acting like a manic crazy person. Like, a real one. Not his usual manic behaviour. This is straight up - this boy needs medication, a nap, therapy, and a doctor. Now.

2:34 - Ugh. This whole cop/Vivian scene made my skin crawl. So gross. So creepy. I hate Capshaw. So much. This woman is manipulative, evil, and so so creepy. The cop was also gross. But I 100% thought she was going to kill the cop because this felt like an opening scene to Criminal Minds. 

4:38 - “THEY WERE HAVING SEX.” hhahahahahahaha holy shit. This is both hilarious and really upsetting (not just because Martin/Capshaw is NASTY). Malcolm is manically, yelling about his theories in a room full of people who love him. He sounds crazy. He’s acting crazy and Dani, JT, and Gil are just staring at him with a mixture of disbelief, concern, and sympathy. <3 It’s heartbreaking. Malcolm is an inch away from a mental breakdown. I’m here for it. 

4:49 - “TMI bro.” <3

 5:05 - Ugh. This breaks my heart. The team doesn’t think Malcolm is crazy. They just know he’s at the end of his rope. The looks they’re exchanging aren’t based in anger, contempt, or a lack of trust. They’re based in concern and I LOVE IT. 

5:21 - LOOK AT OUR BABY. He’s breaking. He’s so close. :( Look at how desperate he is to find Martin. 

5:35 - “That’s exactly what it means.” “Gil, please. You know how much I need this.” THIS HURTS. Gil isn’t angry here - he’s frustrated and scared for Malcolm. And Malcolm? This boy is toeing the line of a full breakdown in front of 3 of his favourite people - that’s out of character for him. Despite the shaking hand and general mania - Malcolm usually refrains from raising his voice in front of Dani and JT. He tries to stay calm-ish so he doesn’t get labelled as ‘violent’ like his serial killer father. 

 5:39 - “StOp. I am scared.” Dani knew exactly how to diffuse the situation. Malcolm can be manipulative and dysfunctional but he never wants to scare people (at least, not unless they’re suspects or obstructing justice). 

5:46 - “I’m not ordering you this time. I’m begging you.” Papa!Gil’s seen Malcolm like this before. SO WHY IS NO ONE HUGGING MALCOLM?!?! The boy is clearly coming apart at the seams. 

5:48 - Malcolm’s reaction to Gil sending him home is gorgeous. He looks sad, betrayed, and resigned. It’s as though he’s convinced himself that the team doesn’t trust him or care about him anymore. He doesn’t walk out angry. He walks out sad and determined. Head held high but eyes full of grief. 

5:54 - I’d give anything to have heard the conversation between Dani, JT, and Gil after Malcolm left the room. ANYTHING.

6:02 - “He thinks I’m a liability.” No. Not exactly. He thinks Malcolm is in the throws of a mental health crisis and that he shouldn’t be responsible for catching his serial killer father. Again. 

6:15 - “I support Gil’s decision. That does not mean I want your father dead.” #coparenting but also, true. I honestly don’t think Jessica wants Martin dead. I think she wants Ainsley and Malcolm to be happy and free from Martin but not dead. She knows that Malcolm might never recover from Martin’s death with all of his unanswered questions and suppressed childhood trauma. She also knows that Ainsley would always resent being prevented from bonding with her father. I think Jessica still loves Martin - well, the man she thought she married. Jessica doesn’t care for Martin Whitly. But she loves the man he pretended to be and even though she knows he wasn’t real - she doesn’t want him to die. I think she wants him to disappear (maybe get transferred to a prison in a different state?) but she doesn’t want him dead. That would make her no better than the serial killer (in Jessica’s mind anyways).

6:25 - “You have become consumed by this Malcolm.” Check out the side eyed look Ainsley gives Malcolm. She’s jealous. Her brother is on the verge of a mental breakdown but she’s jealous of the attention he’s getting from Jessica. I get it - Jessica hasn’t been the best mom to Ainsley. BUT GIRL, gain some perspective. Don’t you care about your brother?!?! That should trump the jealousy for a few minutes at least. 

 6:35 - “I love you.” <3 <3 <3 I’m going to cry. This might be my favourite Jessica+Malcolm moment to date. So precious. 

6:43 - THIS. “I love you. Both of you. More than I hate him.” This is why Jessica doesn’t want Martin dead.....but she also doesn’t care if he lives. I know that sounds like a contradiction but it’s a real thing and if you’ve never felt that way about someone - I pray you never have to. 

7:06 - “Then she’s a victim.” .....I disagree. Capshaw had a (weird and manipulative) consensual relationship with Martin. She has as much of an agenda as Martin (although, Jessica didn’t know that here). Capshaw isn’t a victim. She’s not being compliant with Martin as a form of self-preservation or fear. She’s doing it because she’s a manipulative crazy person who is in love with a convicted serial killer. 

7:45 - I’ve never felt this unsettled while watching Prodigal Son. Capshaw showing her true colours is so so so disturbing. This woman is insane (with all the stigma). The dress. The martini (Jessica’s favourite drink?). The fact that she dressed Martin up in a suit. The music. The weirdly elegant wheelchair. The lovey way she’s talking. It all makes my skin crawl. 

8:33 - OMG. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel bad for Martin Whitly?!?!?! 

9:55 - JESSICA AND MALCOLM doing a rich person ambush tag-team IS AMAZING. <3 

9:57- How sad is this? 23 years and Jessica still can’t walk into a room without people whispering and judging her behind her back. :( This woman keeps her head held high - despite the pain she must be in - she’s a superhero. Change my mind. 

10:30 - "Malcolm Whitly? You're.." I have this headcanon that the general public assumes Malcolm is dead. He changed his last name and fell off the grid. People treat Jessica like a social pariah so she wouldn't be able to tell them otherwise. And sure, Ainsley referred to Malcolm in the present tense during her Surgeon interview but how many people actually watched it actually paid attention to that little tidbit after Martin went full blown psychopath on camera? Plus, no one really cares about the Surgeon's son enough to look him up 23 years later. At least, no one who matters.

11:25 - Like mother, like son. You can't change my mind. They have the same manipulation style. It's justice based and determined. Ainsley and Martin's style? Vindictive and self-serving. 

11:30 - Oh look. ANOTHER CONTINUITY ERROR. WHO PROOFREADS THESE SCRIPTS?!? I CAN’T KEEP OVERLOOKING THESE. For God’s sake. Send copies of the script to fans who sign NDAs or something. At least we know what happened in previous episodes. 

12:33 - "Gross." I'm with Ainsley on this one.

12:45 - "My assistant." "Long suffering". hahahha omg. I love this for two reasons: 1) it's hilarious 2) it's true. Malcolm literally disposed of a body for Ainsley. He's her assistant and he's suffered for it.

13:05 - Yo. This dude is whack. Like this is some serious Stockholm's syndrome going on here. Vivian is his hero?!? .........I can't.

13:55 - Why do the gifts Vivian sends Zeiger look like human bones? Damn this is twisted. This is like some sort of twisted serial killer pseudo-trophy situation?

14:52 - "I don't think Vivian is the victim here. I think our father is." Yikes. This is not going to help Malcolm's mental stability. At all. He's been trying to fully accept that his father is a serial killing monster who was literally never capable of loving him for the past 23 years. BUT NOW our boy has taken the role of 'good son' (prodigal son is you will) and has returned to his 10 year old mentality "I love dad. Dad loves me." and 'dad' is in trouble. Malcolm is trying to save his serial killer father and the emotional and mental hoops he's jumping through are terrifying, complex, and hauntingly realistic. <3 It's gorgeous.

15:04 - "I'm not used to this type of confinement." I love this line because of how deeply it rings true. Martin isn't used to confinement. Sure, he's been chained to a wall for 23 years but he's been relatively happy about it. He's been able to manipulate Malcolm and the other inmates. He's been given TV time, phone time, consultations, books, music, free food, and a massive private cell (seriously that cell is as big as the bachelor's suite I rent for $900 CAD a month). The man has been living a life of luxury (given his crimes). His only 'punishment'? He's stuck inside his cell and he's not allowed to kill anymore. THIS is Martin truly suffering. I kind of feel bad for him (which I never thought I'd say).

15:20 - Damn. Michael Sheen is incredible. He's genuinely making me feel concerned and scared for Martin.

15:32 - Something tells me a man hurt Capshaw in some way throughout her life. This has to be deeper than the whole "I didn't fit into the 'boys club' of surgery". Her issues with men are aggressive and alarming. This woman is nuts. This woman is why I hesitate to call myself a feminist (I generally think we should drop the titles of feminist/misogynist/racist/homophobe... and just treat people with respect. I think the titles and groups just further divide people.)

15:50 - "You're finally free." Yep. Capshaw is a nutcase. She actually believes that she's committed a perfect crime. 

16:09 - This place has virtually no furniture but I’m expected to believe someone is paying the phone bill?!?! Nah. 

17:08 - That. Smile. This woman is a devil. Like, I think I hate her as much as I hate Umbridge. But unlike Umbridge, Capshaw is downright terrifying. 

17:12 - Was anyone else kind of surprised that Martin called Jessica? I mean, I guess she was a safer choice than the cops but still...

17:20 - As creepy and this whole ‘Martin is a victim’ thing is - it’s kind of nice? Like - I just keep thinking “How does it feel Martin?!?! This is how you made your victims feel. Do you like it?” and then I realize I’m a terrible person. 

17:55 - Ainsley’s in on this. I swear, she’s somehow involved with either Capshaw or Martin. 

18:18 - Oh look. Martin is shackled to the bed. Just like Malcolm shackles himself to bed so he can sleep every night. .....I keep oscillating between being vindictive toward Martin and feeling bad for him. That’s what makes this show incredible. The ‘villain’ is human and 3 dimensional. 

18:44 - Oh God. The psychopath is jealous. This woman is UNSTABLE. How has no one locked her up yet?!?

19:43 - She’s crying. She’s actually crying. Even the rewatch of this scene is painful. I just feel so uncomfortable (which was probably the intent) and I hate both characters. They’re both actively trying to manipulate each other and it’s so creepy. Damn. 

20:15 - Holy. Shit. This woman is by far the scariest villain Prodigal Son has given us. 

21:17 - ..............I have nothing to say. My brain has short circuited. I can’t get past how horrifying this scene is. She’s a maniac.

21:57 - No one will make eye contact with Malcolm. :( They all think he’s losing it but they’re not scared of him. They’re scared for him. 

22:10 - “A trusted member of my team has a theory I run it down.” THANK YOU GIL. SUBTLY TELL MALCOLM THAT YOU TRUST HIM. That’s what he needed to hear. He was doubting that anyone cared. :( 

22:45 - “Do you HeAr yourself?!?” Ouch. Gil’s right - Malcolm sounds nuts. Unfortunately, Malcolm’s also right (more or less). Look at how sad Malcolm is - he honestly looks like he’s on the verge of a panic attack. :( Malcolm thinks Gil doesn’t trust him anymore. Malcolm thinks Gil thinks he’s crazy. It’s heartbreaking. SOMEONE HUG THIS LITTLE CINNAMON ROLL.

22:54 - JT, buddy. Not the time. You’re making this worse. :( Malcolm is two breaths away from crying. 

23:40 - “Dani, you up for this? Cause he sure isn’t.” Gil is losing it. Look at him. Gil is watching the boy he considers as his son unravel and Gil can’t do anything about it. 

23:45 - “Either way, he’s going there. I’ll keep an eye on him.” I love Dani for this. Brightwell or not - the fact that she’s willing to chase smoke in an attempt to keep Malcolm from having a full mental breakdown makes her a hero. 

23:48 - JT, hug Gil! He needs a hug! 

24:16 - Martin is screaming while shackled to a bed.....where have I seen this before? 

25:39 - “I did this for you because you needed it.”....”Dani, I respect you.” Excuse me while I go sob in the corner. Malcolm just uttered the words “I respect you.” and my heart exploded. 

26:11 - “You don’t care. None of you care if my father lives or dies.” No, Malcolm, you’re wrong. They care. They all care so so much. Not about the life of the Martin Whitly though. They care about how Martin Whitly will continue to torment you if he’s caught alive. They care about how badly you’ll grieve if he ends up dying. They care about how this will affect YOU. because they love you. 

26:22 - “You would be free.” SAY IT LOUDER DANI! He’d be in enormous pain for a while, but Malcolm would heal. 

26:56 - “Let him go, Malcolm.” <3 <3 Malcolm is listening to Dani. He’s opening up about his fears. This is good (for Malcolm’s mental health). I am happy. 

27:04 - WOW BABY! That kiss was......passionate? I mean, we all knew they were going to kiss (thanks previews) but I honestly didn’t expect a kiss this long or passionate? They’ve both been clearly denying their feelings for each other for a while though so I guess it makes sense?

27:20 - We all know Dani was going to talk about how they could make a relationship work for them and/or how she loves Malcolm but thinks he should focus on his mental health before they start dating. BUT MALCOLM? That boy thinks he just ruined his friendship with Dani and I’m heartbroken. Look at his sad little face. :( 

28:31 - sooooo when exactly did Malcolm’s phone call drop? I feel like Ainsley had more access to the conversation that just what she shares with Dani in a couple of minutes.

29:08 - Look at this sad, scared little boy. He genuinely thinks that saving Martin will earn Martin’s love. I’m heartbroken. 

29:22 - THIS. Malcolm is so desperate for Martin’s love that he essentially consented to being kidnapped, tortured, and potentially murdered. :( This is bad. 

30:06 - Malcolm took unknown drugs from a crazy person. UGH. The stress of loving this unstable man-child is going to kill me. I’m so worried for him. ALSO WHO THE HELL CHEWS PILLS?!?! That’s disgusting. 

30:24 - Dani thinks Malcolm is being a typical guy - terrified of relationships/talking about his feelings. She’s hurt. The Brightwell ship has encountered another storm. 

30:35 - Anyone else get major flashbacks to 1x11 when Gil shows up to the townhouse to tell Jessica that Malcolm’s been kidnapped? You know, when he walks past all the reporters?!

30:50 - Ugh. :( Poor Jessica. That call from Capshaw gave her quite the emotional dilemma. As she said earlier, she loves her children more than she hates Martin. Soooo does she tell someone about the call, save Martin, and let Martin continue to torment her children? Or does she let Capshaw kill Martin, compromise her morals, let her children grieve for a while - but ultimately heal? It’s an impossible choice. 

31:13 - “I know why you’re anxious Jess.” UGH. Get yourself a man you looks at you the way Gil look at Jessica. So much love. So much concern. If Gil wasn’t fictional and I wasn’t asexual (and 24) I would marry that man. 

31:23 - “He has become convinced that his father is a victim in all of this.” Gil is so upset. He’s angry - at Martin for having this much power over Malcolm so many years later. He’s angry that Malcolm is still suffering so much because of his father. He’s upset because Martin is still hurting the people Gil loves 23 years after he was initially arrested. 

31:33 - “There’s no good outcome here Jess.” Thank you. Gil is a man with awareness into Malcolm’s psyche. He knows this is going to hurt Malcolm no matter what happens. He’s scared and he’s bracing himself for impact. I love him. I want more people in the world who love people this deeply. 

31:50 - “It’s okay to hope for that you know.” THANK YOU GIL. THANK YOU. Someone needed to tell Jessica that she’s not a monster for wanting the reason her children continue to suffer to disappear (even if tha means he dies). It’s not a malicious, evil thought toward Martin. It’s a hope for her children’s wellbeing. 

32:04 - “And in my weaker moments, I want him dead too.” <3 I’m imagining Gil praying that Martin is killed by an inmate after he comforts a teenage Malcolm from a nightmare. I’m imagining Gil praying Riker’s finally kills Martin as he watched Malcolm spiral into Martin’s grasp again last year. I’m imagining Gil crying himself to sleep because he’s so damn tired of watching Jessica and Malcolm suffer because of Martin. I love him for it. <3

32:15 - “Maybe things could be different.” .....I’m sorry. Does this mean Gillica is off again?! The flirting and dancing from 2x9 meant nothing?!? It was a hoax?!? I’m furious. 

32:35 - “It’s the actions that matter.” Damn. Gil is too good for the nonsense that is the Whitly family. Doesn’t he know that life isn’t always that simple?

32:46 - Annnnnd now Jessica will convince herself that she’s a bad person because she didn’t tell anyone about Capshaw’s call. She will also convince herself that she’s not good enought for Gil. AND I will cry myself to sleep.

32:55 - That hug <3 Sooooo Gillica is still on? I’m hella confused. 

33:05 - There it is. Dani is still upset with Malcolm. The Brightwell ship is taking in water my dudes. 

33:52 - Wow. He looks pretty in that makeshift hospital bed. Sleeves rolled up. Shirt half unbuttoned. Glazed, disoriented look about him as he wakes from a drugged sleep. <3 I’m in heaven.

34:30 - This is why Malcolm can never let Martin go. There are moments when Martin absolutely convinces Malcolm that he loves him. 

34:50 - “Because he also happens to be my father.” THIS. IS. THE. MOST. REALISTIC. PORTRAYAL. OF. ABUSIVE. DADDY. ISSUES. Take from someone who lived through an abusive Dad. You hate him. You know he’s messed up. You don’t like or respect him. But a part of you will always love him. Even though you hate that part of yourself. 

35:12 - “I want all of you.” .....I’m terrified. This woman is crazy. Crazier than the Surgeon. Is that possible?

36:05 - “You want him to love you. But he can’t.” Have you said that to yourself Malcolm? You know that logically but you don’t feel that in your heart. ....and the writers don’t know that because we’ve seen that Martin loves Malcolm? Sort of? Unless the writers are playing some sort of weird long con on us. 

36:50 - This is whump content I signed up for. This crazy bitch just killed Malcolm. We saw the terror in his eyes. BUT HE LIVES. So. I’m. Here. For. It.

36:58 - Martin’s devotion to Malcolm is so so interesting to me. Martin is a psychopath - he’s not supposed to be capable of love. But he clearly loves Malcolm. How? Why? It makes no sense but I love it?

37:47 - Malcolm’s little wheeze when Vivian starts mitigating the embolism. <3 So cute. 

37:53 - “I can do without the mansplaining.” I’m getting PTSD. There are too many real women who are this crazy about feminism and mansplaining (this is coming from a woman). Martin isn’t trying to ‘mansplain’ he’s scared and he’s trying to save his son. That’s not mansplaining. He’s not explaining something because he thinks Vivian doesn’t know it. He’s explaining something in a desperate attempt to remind her of the severity of the situation. 

38:16 - HOW THE HELL did Ainsley and Dani know where Martin, Capshaw, and Malcolm were? Either 1) Ainsley is somehow working with Capshaw, or 2) they were able to trace Malcolm’s cell (assuming Capshaw didn’t trash it), or 3) Ainsley knew her mom was lying about that phone call and they had it traced?, or 4) this is a convenient plot thing.

38:34 - This bitch is devious and I hate her. 

39:30 - Martin Whitly is the hero of the episode. What alternate reality are we living in?

41:15 - Malcolm struggling for breath. <3 The whumpers are being FED.

41:17 - “Run.” This is 23 years of guilt for turning his own father into the police surfacing. 

41:31 - “Where’s my family?” I honestly don’t know how I feel about this line. It bothers me but I can’t figure out why.

41:43 - This ending sequence is a work of ART. Malcolm is in physical and emotional pain. Dani (without backup) trying to save Malcolm from Martin. The epic music. The shot of Dani seeing the blood-filled syringe next to the makeshift hospital bed+restraints. Martin Whitly. Driving. A. Boat. And. Laughing - completely elated - with Malcolm passed out (and looking adorable) in the aft seating. The fact that the ONLY house you can see on the shoreline is the house the just escaped from. 

THIS EPISODE WAS EXCITING, STRESSFUL, AND WONDERFUL. I’m excited for the SEASON finale and I pray we get a season 3 from a network other than FOX.

#jess-rewatches-prodigal #malcolm bright #prodigal son #gil arroyo #dani powell #JT Tarmel #ainsley whitly #martin whitly #edrisa tanaka #jessica whitly #I LOVE this show #whump #rewatch #spoliers #malcolm needs a hug #ps #so good #sun and fun #s2 #e12 #2x12 #02x12

[hanndotcom]

62. pack your shit and go. get the fuck out of my sight! ty bby

A/N: I hope you like this bb💜💜 also,,,,, since I didn’t get to do this during blurb week bc college is kicking ya girl’s ASS I made this what I consider a “full length fic”. Should I make a part two??? Or a mini series out of this??

WARNINGS: cussing, angst, possible love triangle???

WC: 1,062

62. Pack your shit and go. Get the fuck out of my sight.

-

I finally finished my shift at The Wreck and decided to go to the chateau to hang with everyone else. The drive there felt like it took forever, after what felt like hours I pulled into the gravel driveway of the chateau. I pulled my keys out of the ignition and grabbed my purse. I walked up to the door but stopped in my tracks when I heard the guys talking.

“Dude, I can’t believe it’s been 5 months. We owe you $50 bucks.” John B said, making me furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

“Yeah bro, I’ll get you my half tomorrow. What surprises me the most is you managed to make Y/N fall in love with you.” I heard pope say, causing tears to fill my eyes.

“JJ?” I asked quietly, tears freely falling down my face.

“Shit.” He said quietly, standing up and quickly walking towards me. “Y/n I’m, I’m so sorry.”

“I can’t believe you. I-I gotta go.” I mumbled, avoiding all possible eye contact with JJ.

As I turned around I felt a tug on the belt loop of my jeans. I turned to see JJ with a broken look on his face, and behind him Pope and John B sat wide eyed and jaws hitting the floor.

“Please, let us explain.” John b started.

His plea only fueled my anger and sadness, “no!” I shouted, taking them by surprise.

“But y/n we-“ Pope intervened, I immediately cut him off.

“No pope. I could have expected bullshit like this from John B or JJ, but you’re my BEST FRIEND POPE, MY BEST FRIEND YOU WERE THE LAST PERSON I EXPECTED THIS FROM.” I yelled, tears streaming down my face. “I’m disappointed and disgusted with all of you. But I don’t know who I’m more upset with. I can’t believe I allowed myself to trust ANY of you.” I continued, knocking JJ’s hand away from my waist. “Get the fuck out of my sight. I can’t believe you JJ.” I cried, pushing through the door.

As I walked out of the door I bumped into Kiara, “hey y/n how- what did the boys do now? Are you okay?” She asked, holding my shoulders.

“Why don’t you go ask them how they spent $50 tonight?” I said, pushing past her and getting into my car.

// kiaras POV //

“Are you guys a whole new breed of dumbasses?” I screeched, looking at three of my four best friends. “JJ, you are supposed to be her boyfriend, Pope she is closest with you out of everyone, John B I honestly can’t even believe you. Do you even understand how hurt she is right now? I wouldn’t blame her if she ditched us.” I finished, leaving the Chateau.

// Y/N POV //

It’s been 3 days and I have basically thrown myself into my shifts at the wreck, and avoiding everyone besides Ki. I heard the bell ring, when I looked up I saw Rafe walk in.

“Welcome to the wreck, take a seat where you want and I’ll get your order in just a second.” I smiled at the kook, who to my surprise smiled back at me and took a seat near the window. I wiped my hands on my apron and grabbed my notepad.

“Hey y/n.” Rafe said, glancing up from the menu “I’ll take the special and a water.”

“Alrighty, that should be out in a few minutes. Call me over if you need anything else.” I smiled walking away to put the order in.

“Y/n!” I heard Rafe yell across the restaurant. I looked up shocked from restocking the cups to see Rafe waving me down. I quickly walked over there to see what he wanted.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, fixing my apron and furrowing my eyebrows.

“Yeah, surprisingly good for being on this side of the island. But it’s be better if I had something else.” He said, looking up at me.

“Okay, um let me go grab my notepad real fast and I’ll get it into the chef.” As I turned around I felt him lightly grab my wrist.

“I don’t need to put an order in, I need something else to make this better.” He said, smiling at me.

“What is it?” I asked, completely oblivious.

“For you to join me.” He replied letting my wrist go.

“What? Do you, topper, Kelce have some sort of game going on? Because if so I’m not playing it. I don’t have time to deal with th-“

“No, I genuinely want you to join me. Topper nor Kelce had anything to do with this.” He said, raising his arms up.

“Well, I don’t get a lunch break for another 30 minutes so,,, I-“ I was cut off.

“I’ll wait, and then after your shift we’re going to the carnival near the pier.” He smirked.

“What’s the catch, Rafe? Last week you hated all pogues, including me. And now suddenly you want to take me on a date?” I asked, confused.

“I’ve liked you for a while. And now that you and JJ are no longer together. I can ask you out.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest.

I smirked, beginning to walk back to the counter. “It better be worth it Cameron.” I shouted behind me.

// time jump to before y/n shift ends //

I had 20 minutes before my shift ended so I began wiping off tables and putting the chairs on top of them. I heard the bell above the door ding so I looked up, catching JJ’s eyes.

“I was hoping you’d still be here.” He mumbled, grabbing some chairs and putting them up on tables.

“Yep, I’m here until 8. You know that.” I said sharply, tossing the tag into the bucket beside the counter.

“Can we talk?” He asked, behind me I could hear the sad tone in his voice.

“I don’t know, if you make me listen to you are JB and Pope gonna give you another 50 bucks or-“

“Y/N please.” He cut me off, making me sharply turn around. “I love you. I really love you. With everything in me. What can I do to make it up to you?”

Before he could continue talking the bell above the door rang once more, when I looked up I saw Rafe standing there with (your fav flowers). “Rafe.” I breathed out.

-

Taglist: (let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!!) 💜💜💜

@fttayla @prejudic3 @tomhardybby @ilovejjmaybank @canibeoneofthepogues @xealia

#blurb night #chase stokes x reader #john b x reader #johnathan daviss #netflix #outer banks imagine #rafe outer banks #pope outer banks #kiara outer banks #jj outer banks #obx kooks #jj obx fic #rafe obx #obx pogues #obx imagine #drew starkey x y/n #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey imagine #drew starkey #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x reader #obx rafe

[votederpycausemufins]

alright, i took a break of about 20 hours (less if you don’t count me sleeping) but hey, it was a break at least!

@petrichormeraki

The trip back to the portal left Mumbo shaken up. Dream didn’t follow them which seemed like the last thing he would do. Mumbo was somehow able to get parrot Grian to turn everyone back to normal which was fine. That was just his Watcher powers. Nothing to do with any Vault God powers he may or may not have. And he didn’t have any.

Eventually the portal was back up and running and Mumbo chose to believe that was just because Dream was lying, or again it was just Grian’s Watcher powers. Or maybe even that he was a hermit and the portal had hermit origins.

The smp members tried to question Mumbo, asking what they would do now. Dream was still on the loose and had more power than they realized. Not everyone was willing to go to Hermitcraft and leave everything behind. Right now, Mumbo was really the only person who might have answers, but he just felt bombarded by their words until he finally snapped.

“Look, I have no clue what to do. I didn’t even really want to be here in the first place. Right now Grian, the person I am closest to is stuck like this even though all of you are fine and I just want to help him before I deal with all of this!”

Mumbo winced when he saw the look on Tommy’s face. “So what, just going to abandon us all then? He’s my brother, bitch!”

“I know that and I am sick of having that thrown in my face! It was bad enough when we didn’t know the two of you were related. I wouldn’t have minded if you never showed up so we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place!”

Tommy froze, only moving to take a step back in shock. Mumbo looked equally horrified at his own words, and not knowing what else to do, he ran through the portal and went back home.

Mumbo hoped that he could just get some peace by going home, but instead, moments after he returned his communicator started buzzing wildly with messages. With shaking hands he tried to turn it off, but instead managed to drop it and didn’t care enough to pick it back up. He grabbed the rockets from his inventory and equipped his elytra to fly back to his base. 

He just got into the sky when another hermit flew past him, likely to greet him. He tried not to curse as they changed their direction to fly after him, and even though he knew it would hardly do anything, Mumbo started spamming rocket after rocket to get away as fast as he could.

He collapsed onto his bed, finally letting go of Grian who started hopping around. He watched the parrot for a while before pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes in an attempt to keep from crying in frustration. Why did they even have a useless spoon of a hermit in this world?

Grian had completely lost track of how long he had been in this infinite white expanse, but other than the lack of everyone he knew and the occasional having to relive horrific nightmares of memories, it wasn’t all that bad. He had started feeling a little more tired, but he assumed that was more from boredom than anything serious. It was okay since one perk of this place was getting to rewatch the dreams he had just had. 

Not having anyone around was making him feel lonely, so Grian had started to watch the same memories over and over. He memorized his own lines so that way he could talk to his friends and they responded back.

“I still don’t understand why you put Mumbo faces everywhere.” Mumbo seemed to be holding in a laugh.

“It’s a house for you, I had to make it right! Mustaches everywhere!”

“Well I certainly noticed them. Now how about you open the door?” Mumbo gestured to a lever. Grian ignored the tingling feeling that came with intersecting his memory copy as he pulled the lever.

“Oh, well that’s pretty cool.” He echoed as he and his coppy watched the piston door open and he walked in. “But you’ve tainted it with redstone everywhere, look at this! You didn’t even bother covering it up!”

“Wasn’t sure how to go about it and make it look good. Besides, I’m a fan of exposed redstone.”

“Well, we can work on your building skills. What’s this over here?” Grian walked over to the closet and waited for his copy to open it. “AHH! Oh! Oooh. Hah… haha…”

Mumbo started laughing, nearly falling over as his legs became weak from laughing so hard. It no longer scared Grian after watching it so many times, so he just laughed along with Mumbo. “H-How about you go to the study n-next. I-It’s awesome!”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure it is.” Grian tried to stop laughing as he spoke. They reached a sign which he read aloud. “Super Hollywood film set. Oh you’ve redone the whole area, what is this?” Grian watched as he and Mumbo walked around the room. “Super editing suite, activate moving set part two. Part two?”

“There’s more than one, I just labeled them with numbers.”

Grian flicked the lever and watched as cobblestone in front of a bike started to move to imitate a moving foreground. “Oh that’s so cool. That’s so cool!” He flipped the lever for the background. “Oh! It’s for the motor bike!” The copy hopped on the bike and Grian himself found an empty area on the back of the bike to sit. He started making motor noises as the two of them rode the bike, Mumbo flipping another lever nearby. 

Lights came on and Mumbo moved the camera to point at him. “Oh, using your filming knowledge properly I see. Three point lighting system?”

Mumbo nodded, then turned everything off for them to continue. “Let’s continue shall we?”

“Oh, what’s all this?” Grian asked as they came to an area filled with dispensers.

“Well, if you’re going to be filming, you’ll need some costumes.” Mumbo helped Grian into one of the spots and suddenly the builder was covered in gold armor.

“Oh that’s nice. I like that.” As Mumbo tried to go on, Grian doubled back and hit all the buttons, putting all the armor in his inventory. “I’ll just keep that for later. What’s next?”

“Over here. Secret room under the stairs.” Mumbo pulled a lever. The stairs pulled down and Grian was briefly reminded of the shenanigans of the secret base bros. He let himself get distracted by thoughts about that, turning his attention away from the scene. He tried not to listen to his panicked shouts as Mumbo tricked him by closing the entrance behind him.

“Grian, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize that would scare you! Mumbo let the copy of Grian out and the real Grian could see how he almost moved for a comforting hug, something he never noticed when this had all first happened.

“I-it’s fine. Just bad memories. C-Can we continue with the house?”

Grian forced himself to stop thinking of the memory, making the white void return. Being with Mumbo that first time was a good memory. Sure there was that one bad part, but for Grian, that was good too. It showed how Mumbo cared for him all the way back then and how they’d learned more about each other over time.

After calming himself down, he started it up again.  “C-Can we continue with the house?”

“Right, let’s go in here next.”

“Wha- MY KITCHEN! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY KITCHEN?!” Mumbo started laughing again.

‘Anyone could do this. Anyone! Xisuma or Scar or Iskall or anyone else.’ Mumbo thought to himself as he was looking over Grian. ‘I’m just better at this because Grian and I are linked or whatever. That’s all. Nothing to do with this being done by a Vault God and me also being one. Because I’m not.’

Multiple hermits had tried to visit Mumbo, but he had shooed them all off. Stress was the one to stay longest, having arrived with the bots who were complaining about not seeing their dads for a while. Mumbo tried to ask them to leave a few times before he snapped at them. He tried to push the hurt expression that was on Jrumbot’s face out of his mind.

He just had a rough few days. He wasn’t sleeping much and was barely keeping himself from starving. But right now Grian was important. More important than him. He might have had this done sooner, but he was being extremely careful, used to dealing with non-organic things most of the time. 

He’s just wondering if he should look up puzzle boxes, wondering if those would be easy enough to rest his mind with, but also not get too off topic when he thinks he’s done it. “G… Grian?”

“Guh Grian?”

“Do you know who I am?”

“Do know who am. Know who I am.”

Mumbo started crying in joy. “Oh thank goodness! I was so scared you were stuck like this forever!”

“Tommy...” Grian mimicked his copy, though he was more happy while the copy was more stunned. “How do you know that?”

“What? Blood for the Blood God? My brother says it all the time.” Tommy thought he read Grian’s face well enough. “I’m sorry, I can stop saying it. I know my brother is a bit vio-”

“Techno or Wilbur?”

Tommy paused, he didn’t think he had told Grian their names. “Uh, Techno obviously. I would think if you knew their names you would know he said it. Um, something wrong Big G?”

Grian smiled, his copy continuing to cry. “Tommy… Tommy Tommy… th-they’re my brothers. Oh gods I’m the blood god… that’s what I always called myself. They hated it because I always started causing trouble.”

Tommy looked confused. “What are you talking about? I would think I’d know I had a brother named Grian.”

Grian started to open his mouth, ready to mimic his memory, telling Tommy a name he hadn’t used in ages. But instead he suddenly felt like he was falling. Grian let out a yelp in surprise. When he landed the white expanse was gone, but he realized that was from his eyes being closed. Nervously, Grian opened them and saw Mumbo staring at him, seeming quite large.

“G…” He seemed stunned. “Grian?”

Grian let out a little chirp, realizing that apparently his parrot voice box was the one working right now. “Guh Grian?”

“Do you know who I am?” Of course Grian knew Mumbo. Had he not before? Was that why Mumbo looked so worried.

“Do know who am. Know who I am.” Grian used Mumbo’s words to let the redstoner know that he could remember. He then had to hop back as Mumbo started to cry.

“Oh thank goodness! I was so scared you were stuck like this forever!” Stuck like wha- Grian started to wonder before it hit him. Oh, he couldn’t talk right and Mumbo looked so large because he was currently a parrot. Had something gone wrong when Philza was trying to teach him? Honestly, Grian couldn’t remember what the last thing to happen to him was before he ended up in the white infinity room. He had been in there so long and re-experiencing other memories that the one for when this started was sort of… gone.

Mumbo had apparently spoken a little with Philza because he was able to help Grian back to his humanoid self. The builder held Mumbo’s hands to steady himself as though he didn’t remember it, his muscle memory seemed to have gotten used to being a parrot.

“Well, while I’m sure being a bird has wonderful perks.” Grian paused, giving a yawn, still feeling tired. “I don’t think I really want to do that again for an extremely long time if I can get stuck like that.”

“Grian, how much do you remember?” Mumbo asked and Grian shrugged.

“Only thing I’m sure of is that I recently went to see the other Watchers. Something was going on, but that was a while ago and since then I’ve been stuck in an infinity room.” He looked at the worried expression on Mumbo’s face. “Mumbo, what happened?”

“So, the admin from Tommy’s world was a Vault God.” Grian’s wings puffed up at Mumbo’s words. “He ended up messing with your Watcher powers and got everyone back to their world and sort of wiped everyone’s memories. I’ve been here trying to fix whatever he did to you so I haven’t really been paying attention to everything that’s been going on since I got us back. Last I checked they all had their memories back… but Dream might have done something more.”

Grian jumped up. “I have to tell the other Watchers about this. A bad admin is one thing, but a Vault God admin that messes with Watchers is worse!”

“He may also be a sort of exiled Vault God based on what he said.” Mumbo added on and Grian seemed to get even angrier.

“Yep, definitely talking to the other Watchers now. I can’t believe he was right under Gxrgeous’ nose!” A portal opened up behind Grian and Mumbo tried not to look at Grian’s multiple purple eyes. “I’ll be right back. And Mumbo?” Mumbo looked up. “Take a shower. While I like that you spent all your time looking for me, I don’t think I even need enhanced senses to tell you need a shower.

Mumbo laughed sheepishly and then got up to do that. Grian chuckled in return then walked through. “Hellooo? Pixlriffs? Zloy? Gxrgeous? Any of you around?”

“Oh my god, Grian you’re alive!” Grian was suddenly tackled from behind.

“Noah! Ugh, get off my literal back!” Grian flapped his wings pushing the Evo Watcher off. “I’m looking for the hermit Watchers and Gxrgeous. You seen them?”

“Yeah, they’re busy freaking out about Gxrgeous’ world. You and Mumbo went through and then they lost connection to it completely. What happened?”

Grian shrugged. “I thought they would know better than me.” He lightly knocked the side of his head. “No memory of what was going on. Mumbo says the admin from there was a Vault God the whole time. I can’t believe I didn’t see it from the start.”

“You mean Dream? He’s a Vault Go- ohhhhhh. Dream… Dreamon. Why didn’t we realize that at the start?”

“Yeah well, something that should really be talked about with Watchers other than you since at this point I really want to connect the worlds so he can’t do anything more to my family.”

“Right, Pretty sure they’re this way.”

The talk had gone well and Grian was surprised to see the Vault Gods so willing to work with them on this. Grian supposed it was because of Dream’s status, but it was still odd to experience.

Zloy had given him a new communicator because his old one had ended up broken somewhere in the mix of things. The moment he was back out of the portal, he started to send a message.

<Grian> Based on what Mumbo said, they’re not here sooooo <Grian> Where are my children! <GoodtimewithScar> GRIAN!!! <Stressmonster> They’re with me. Are you doing okay? <Zedaph> Since he’s not here, I’ll do it for him <Zedaph> *fortnight dances* <ZombieCleo> He would NOT! <Grian> Speaking of, where is Tommy? <TangoTek> No clue, he didn’t come back with you and Mumbo. <Impulse> Don’t text and fly Tango <TangoTek> He knows what he did <Zedaph> welp, bye! *default dances away* <TangoTek> ZED!

Grian chuckled at the messages before sighing and flying to where the infinity portal was. He was glad to see it still sitting there and what looked like someone’s pet cat nearby. The avian was surprised when he landed and heard said cat speak.

“Hey! Can you get my friends? Dey went in there and haven’t come back and Sprinklez said I can’t go through.”

“Sure, I’m going in to get some people myself. Who are you after?”

“Tommy and Tubbox. Dey wanted ta be my friends and we had fun until a big bird thing attacked us!”

Grian winced, realizing that most likely was him. “Yeah, sure I was after Tommy anyway.”

Crumb nodded, but then thought of something. “Wait, Sprinklez said I couldn’t go alone, but but but, he didn’t say I couldn’t go with someone else!”

Grian smiled a mischievous smile and then pulled out his communicator. He asked Crumb’s name and then sent a message.

<Grian> Hey, I’m going with Crumb to pick up some people. Be back soon! <CaptainSparklez> What? Where? <Crumbl> Tommmu ans Tubboc

Before Grian could look at whatever was sent back, he gave out a mischievous cackle and picked up Crumb, taking them through the portal.

#hermit!tommy #hermit!tommy au #tommyinnit #mumbo jumbo #vault god!mumbo #grian #avian!grian #grian xelqua #watcher!grian #crumbl #cuptoast #captain sparklez #stressmonster101 #team zit

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

PROMPT

20. “Why are you crying?”

Johnny “Coco” Cruz x Reader

Anon asked: again my love ❤️ the first one 20.why are you crying, Angst with coco 💚☺️

Word Count: 3.5k

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💘

Warnings: this shit was painful fo' me. Feeling angst.

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. Gif credits to: @angels-reyes

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​ @sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento 💥 (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

“Yea', she's really a nice gurl'”. Coco shrugs his shoulders, sitting in his chair in front of the bonfire, with his brothers surrounding it too. “I just met her at the market and we just were talkin'... And, man... she's da' one, I felt it, I feel it”.

It sounds like a knife ripping off your chest, opening you up, while you have to show him your fakest smile. Yes, you're happy that he finally found someone who can love him unconditionally. As you do. But without being you. Creeper and Angel have his gaze on you, sitting by Tranq' side. Your father has an arm over your shoulder, narrowing you without drawing too much attention. They know what's in your mind. They know what's inside your heart.

Coco and you have been friends for the last six years, when he joined the Mayans. You two had a special connection since the first time you crossed your gazes. He's wonderful. He has an amazing mind, full of paranoids and good advices. He's kind, funny, a born listener, empathetic and sincere. He has taught you a lot of things to face life and he always has taken care of you. As you did, with every wound, every shout, every cold, every mental break down. Together in the good times, but especially in the bad ones, when his life looks like hell, when he doesn't want anyone around, when he hate himself so much that he just wants to end with everything. You're there, holding him, loving him.

And you can't blame him for meeting the love of his life at the market. You can't blame him for not loving you back. You can't blame him for just seeing you as his best friend, as if you were one of his little sisters. And you can't even blame him because he canceled your day off together, just because he wanted to spend the sunday with her. In life, sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. 

Without a word in your lips, you get up of your chair. He doesn't even stop talking about his girlfriend, he doesn't even look at you very concentrated in telling his brothers how good was their first date. Keeping your hands inside your pockets, biting your inner lip, walking towards the clubhouse to have some minutes alone to alleviate pain. Closing the door after your steps in, you grab the Jose Cuervo and a small shot glass sitting at the table. You serve and drink, serve and drink. Six time. Six shots ripping bittersweet your throat with the tears falling down through your cheeks.

“I'm sorre'”. Angel is behind you, but you can't even turn at him.

“For what?” You shrug, unable to feel anything other than sadness.

“You know why”. Palming your head to make you get up, he adopts your position pulling you to his lap.

You can't help crying, when he wraps your waist and your arms between his, resting your body against his chest. You feel unconsolable, and you want to hate him, to stop feeling what you're feeling. But you can't. Angel caresses your arm, trying to make you feel better even if he knows he can't. Leaving a kiss on your temple, he holds you tightly with a heavy snort going out of his throat. He also doesn't know how Coco never noticed it before, it was too fucking clear.

“Hey, what's'ap? Why are you crying, mami?” The king of Rome leans towards you, bending by your side with a hand touching yours.

“No—Nothing, don' worr—worry”. You say, as the bad liar you are but used to hiding what happens. Getting up of Angel's lap and cleaning your tears, you try to smile. “Just an... exam. I thought I would get mo—more grade”.

“That's why you cry? C'mon, baby, you're the most intelligent kid on earth”. He says putting an arm on your shoulders, hugging you slightly. “Take a break, it's okay if you don' get it, you study a lot”.

“Yea', I know... I know”.

━━━━━━ ﹅ ━━━━━━

It's been almost five months since that night. You continued acting like it didn't affect you, coming back from San Diego every weekend with the hope to share a Sunday off with him. But he started to cancel it. Coco stopped calling you everyday, as he used to, turning your talks into some random texts every two or three days, one week, two weeks, until hopefully you talked a few times a month. It was painful seeing how he was pushing you away and by one hand you understood him. But not by the other. You have been with him in his good and in his worst. Even so, you still can't blame him.

Because of that, you never came back to Santo Padre, being visited by the crew one time per week. And you, stupid, always hoping he would come. But he never did. And you know that you lost the battle his morning' birthday, when you call him to congratulate him and tell him that you had a present, and it was his girlfriend who answered the phone, telling you that he didn't want to talk to you. Your heart broke into thousand pieces, nodding in silence before hanging up. Of course, you didn't go to his party, spending the day drinking in your flat in San Diego. Maybe he finally noticed it and that's why he didn't want to have anything with you, because he didn't want to have any problems with his girlfriend. So, you just tried to understand it and giving him whatever he wanted, as you always did. Even if that was killing you slowly.

┅┅ ┅ ┅ ┅┅

Another college year is finished, so you're coming back to Santo Padre for the summer. You have to take a deep breath, before crossing with your car the entrance of Romero and Bros. straight to the clubhouse. All the bikes are there and you feel like your heart turns when you see his. Parking next to them, you get out of your car putting well your clothes on, walking nervous towards the front door. 

The crew receive you between cheers, kisses and hugs. It's been five months and you still feeling the same pain consuming you, getting worse when you see him sitting in a corner with his girlfriend hugging him over his lap. Coco's face turns to some serious gesture, not even saying ‘hi’, ‘how are you’, nothing. Angel brings you a beer, holding your shoulders with a tattooed arm, to guide you outside towards the porch, sitting on the stairs.

“You ok?”

“Of course 'am not, but... what else I can do? I tried, Angel. I wrote him everyday, I called him, but he chose that girl. And it's okay. You don't always win”. 

“I'm sorre'bout what's happening. He also changed with me, because I told him I used to go 'see you every weekend to San Diego”.

“And why he cares?” You ask frowning, having a sip of your beer. “You're my friend. And he decided he didn't want to talk with me anymore”.

Angel turns his face towards you confused, not knowing about what you're talking about.

“He stopped calling and texting me”.

“Did he...?” Something seems not to fit.

“Yes, he did. I also called him for his birthday. I was ready to take my car and drive back here, to give him his present”. 

“Did you...?”

“The fuck is wrong with you questioning all I say?” You take off of your pocket your phone, showing him all the unanswered messages and the times you called him and he didn't answer. “See? I get it, Angel. He has a girlfriend now and he doesn't want to make her feel jealous, or... whatever. I just want him to be happy. And I'll keep myself away”.

There's something on Angel's face that you can't decipher, but he doesn't say anything. He just nod drinking of his beer.

┅┅ ┅ ┅ ┅┅

Maybe a Mayan party is not where you want to be, but your father asked you, so did the crew. It’s been a long time since you spent some time with them, so you thought that you could make somekind of presence for one or two hours, at least. You’re sitting between your father and Angel, while the guys are talking about something that happened in the last travel they drove to Arizona. Some chairs away, in front of the bonfire Coco holds Sara above his lap with both arms wrapping his body, sharing hugs and kisses as if no one of you were there. You don’t even know why they are here, if they don’t want it. The oldest Reyes feels the tension running through your body, holding your hand and tangling his fingers with yours to raise them and kiss the back of your hand. You leave a heavy sigh flies off of your lips, supporting your head on his left shoulder, drinking the beer his offering you. 

“So, wha’bout you, guys?” Hearing the feminine voice with humorous tone, straight to you two, you can’t help but roll your eyes.

She trying pushing you into Angel, at the minimal dearly gesture between both, is something that you know would happen. And by the look he gives Sara, you know he’s about to explode. But you stop him, placing your free hand on his chest calling for his attention. You shake your head, begging in silence. But he lose his brother too. And it’s not fair.

“Yo’, my girl made a question”. Coco says then, being the flame that was missing to light the wick.

Angel leans on his chair, supporting his forearms above his lap with a petty smile on his lips. 

“Hey, Sara, let me answer you with another question”. Angel’s voice is turning to somewhat funny, enjoying the moment, even if you don’t understand what is happening. “How many (Y/N)’ texts you delete of Coco’s phone?”

Silence. All the gazes turning to her, you dying inside because of the shame and the confusion.

“The hell are you talkin’bout, man?” He asks turning at his girlfriend frowning. 

“All those nights you were fuckin’ crying as a fuckin’ child. All those nights you got drunk telling me that you gave (Y/N) the best of you fo' nothen'. All those nights blaming me for no reason. It wasn’t she. It was your girlfriend”. You can’t believe what he’s saying, leaving the beer on the floor. “(Y/N) showed me all the text she wrote you. The hanged up calls. Do you know she called you for yo' birthday? Do you remember what happened that day?”

“Wh—What?”

“He fuckin’ broke ma’ nose ‘cause he thought that I poisoned you ‘bout him. But what nobody knew is that you had called him. You answered the call, rai’, Sara? You told her that Coco didn’t want to talk her anymor’”.

“Are you fucking kiddin’ me, bitch?” Tranq is getting up of his chair, as she does. “Did you made my daughter believe that her best friend broke his heart, all this time, just because you wanted to set them apart?”

“She did ‘cause (Y/N) is in love with him since ever”.

The crew is staring at you with your gaze on your feet, biting your lower lip.

“You’ve to be kidding, papi”.

“Ask your girlfriend, man”.

Coco gets up of his chair, full of rage and wrath. Sara is sobbing trying to explain herself, but she doesn’t have any defense.

“Give me your phone”. The man walks towards you with a raised arm, and a hand waiting for it.

“I do—”.

“Give me your phone!” He shouts at you, so you give him with trembling fingers.

He unlock it having a quickly look of all the text you sent him, all the calls you made. Everything. He doesn’t know how to feel, even if he’s falling down into pieces right now, looking at you with incredulous eyes. Nobody says anything. No matter who is your father, nor if Coco is a Mayan. It’s a trouble between three people, nobody else. 

“Get the fuck outta’ my club. Go to my house. Pack your things. And leave Santo Padre before I regret letting you alive”. His voice is rough, loud and clear. A firm tone of voice that does not hesitate.

“Coco, listen…” She begs, trying to walk closer, being blocked by Angel.

“Leave”. 

You can't move a single inch seeing how Coco walks inside the clubhouse, coming back some minutes after when his, you hope, ex-girlfriend left the Mayans yard between tears, curses and yells. Your father is trying to make you feel better by leaving some caresses on your back, while the crew sighs alleviated 'cause seems like they saw her as a trouble too. The mexican offers you a hand with the other holding your phone. Tranq pushes you softly to go with him, following towards your car.

Coco drives in silence, leaving behind Santo Padre till you're close to the border. He stops on a side of the road in the middle of the desert, then he gets out of it, sitting on the hood and lighting a cigar in his lips. You can see him through the glass reading all your messages, where you told him that you were sorry for anything that could bothered him. Where you told him how much you care about him and his happiness. Where you told him that you missed him. All those messages that started talking about your days in San Diego or remembering old times, continued with you asking him to forgive you, and finished telling him that you never wanted to end like that, that you never wanted to end your friendship, believing that you were the one who fucked up the love between both. The last text was something like ‘I'll set myself apart, 'cause everything I want in life is see you being happy, no matter if you're with me or not, I have always loved you and I'll always going to do it”.

Getting out of the car, taking some time and doubting about what to do, you leave the door opened. Your feet move slowly towards him, looking how he's watching all the calls that he didn't hang up. All the calls Angel was talking about. Till the last one made in his birthday. But noticing his tears, you stop your steps. He throws away the cigar, letting go the smoke as a painful and silent howl, supporting his hands on his thighs and leaning forward.

“I'm so fuckin' sorre'”. He sobs with a broken voice, turning his gaze to you. “I'm so fuckin' sorre'”.

You can't say anything, biting your lips about to cry too.

“I left you alone. I left you alone with all this shit in yo' heart. It's feels like… I fuckin' betrayed you fo' a fuckin' pussy”. He says with a taut voice, getting up of the car to face you. “I thought you were mad at me 'cause 'her, 'cause all this time you only… wanted me for some quicklies or shit like tha', and when you lost the chance, you just left me”.

You shake your head with trembling pursed lips.

“All this time… you were in lov' with me. But why? Why you left me? Why you didn't tell me, ah?”

“You looked happy with her. And that's all I wanted, Coco. Your life has always been a tragedy, till you met her. Who was I to spoil something like that? I thought we could still being friends. I thought I could be strong enough to be her friend too, so I could stay by your side. But then… you started to pushing me away, and I'm not blaming you. She was your girlfriend and you wanted to be more time with her. So… I just kept myself in the background”.

“You didn't keep yourself in da' background. You left Santo Padre”.

“'Cause it was painful seeing how I was losing my best friend, and my fuckin' love! What the hell was I supposed to do, ah? Stay here? Trying to rebuild my fuckin' heart shattered? For what? For… maybe a gaze? Maybe a smile? It wasn't fair, Coco”.

“I was waiting ya' in my birthday. I passed all day holdin' my phone, waitin' for your call thinking you forget it 'cause your final exams”.

“I called you when I woke up. I was getting dressed to take your present and drive towards here. Then, Sara told me you didn' want to talk. So, I ju—just got drunk looking our photos, and watching our videos together, trying to figure out the point I fucked up everything”.

“You did?”

“Yea'” You nod taking your phone off of his hand to keep it in your pocket, before crossing your arms on your chest. “I never wanted to hurt you, Coco. Only made you happy”.

“You did it like shit”.

“You fuckin' broke my heart. And you also thought I just wanted your fuckin' cock, as if it is the golden one”.

“And I'm sorre'bout that. I don't wanna lose you again, (Y/N)”. He grabs your forearms, opening them to push you into his body.

Finally, after five long months, he's hugging you again. You close your arms surrounding his neck, sinking your head on it and closing your eyes to focus on his smell and his heartbeat. You're feeling how the pain is fading as he holds you tighter, leaving some kisses on your head.

“I missed you so fuckin' much, mami. So fuckin' much”. He whispers, making you cry softly. “I love you. I need you. Living without you has been an agony. I'm so sorre'bout the shit I made you, I never meant to do'et”.

“It's okay, Coco…” You mutter pulling him away, putting your hands inside the pockets of your jeans.

“No, it's not. Don'... Don' do that again. Shout at me, mami, tell me tha' I'm an asshole, a shithead… Whateva'. Why aren' you angry?”

“'Cause sadness won that battle. I just kept the good feelings about you, even if I was fuckin' sad trying to type your number by heart, to call you again even if you weren't gonna answer”.

“I love you, (Y/N). I've always don'it. And I just… feel fuckin' stupid. But this is not gonna happen again, you hear me? No secrets, no hiding feelings. Tell me you're gonna stay, please”.

You nod in silence, confused about how you should feel right now. He takes the step placing both hands on your neck, pulling you closer so he can kiss you. You've been waiting for this almost seven years and you can't believe it's already happening. Tangling your fingers on his black flannel shirt, you take some air by your nose, moving your lips has he does in a lovely and softly way. He tastes like tequila, you taste like beer and it's the perfect combination, drowning a low gasp on his mouth when his tongue sneaks into your finding your saliva and your own tongue. Bristling your skin, he lifts you up after his hands travels to your thighs to sit you on the Mustang' hood.

“My fuckin' mami, all mine”. He sighs resting his forehead on yours with closed eyes, and your legs wrapping his waist. “Shit, I'm fuckin' in love with ya' since ever. 'Amma fuckin' idiot”.

You don't want him to continue apologizing for something that it was out of your hands, pressing your lips against his again. The tip of your tongue caresses them, kissing every single inch wanting to make him feel better. You know the nightmare is over, feeling how life comes back to you, feeling the butterflies and the tickles in your stomach being under his tattooed arms.

“We were on a party, you rememba'?” He asks pulling you away to regain his air.

“You wanna com'back?”

“Just to have some tequila and go home with you”.

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