#but I needed to break them up

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[beybuniki]

they should go on a fishing trip pt.1

#DONT COMMENT ON THE BACKGROUND I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWW #anyway this is day 1. they take a bus. the bakugo household has fishing gear so ´deku is wearing bakugo's onesoe (?) and bakugo is wearing #his dad's. and notices he has grown :') #anyway they take a BUS and don't feel like doing this at all it's awkward for so many reason #also trying to relax after everything is neurologically just really hard they might be hyperivgilant dik #and there's so much they never got to unpack bnut they have to and they have to start somewhere and with someone #deku makes that flower crown while bakugo preps everything and they both look at it and are thrown back into their childhood 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️ #and at first they just sit and wait for the bavarian fish to bite (rody should make a cameo tbh) but then bakugo breaks the iceeee. #and he starts with their moms because their moms have been such a stubbron connection between these two :') #and deku answers with the usual 'good :) how's your mom :)?' and to everyone's surprise he actually opens up #and tells deku about his mom's insomnia because she watched her son die (that shit was live streamed tpo 10 bnha tweets btw) #idk i love to think of their moms being a very easy subject to connect through i think it's easier for them that way to be more vulnerablei #and then some fish biteeeeeeeeeeee #but like 3 small ones so they have to gather berries and mushrooms and make stew (dw there's an aldi this is bavaria after all) #but yeah day 1 is a bit weird like it's just them in the woods with no distractions #which is so different from whatever went on during their 1st year of high school #don't read this i will throw up i just need this somewhere this is my public scrapbook #bnha #deku #midoriya izuku #bakugo katsuki #the flower crown on their knees makes this a bit homosexual but fishing is always homosexual im not fighting against that #au: #fishing

[wolfythewitch]

My Watching Over Kids Hot Take a lot of kids just want someone to talk to them calmly without telling them what to feel. Or maybe they just want to talk and have someone listen

A kid at church today was sulking under a table blocked off by chairs that he couldn't get to play with this Optimus prime toy they had in a cabinet and when I asked him if he was willing to wait for it after the service or if maybe he had some toys at home he said he didn't and church was the only place he could play with one, and Optimus prime is his favorite character ever. I told him we couldn't let him play with it now, but if he was willing to wait until later when there were fewer kids he could take it for a spin. He was still sitting under the table but he wasn't frowning anymore. He told me about dinosaurs. His favorite is the allosaurus. He came out from under the table for a second just to mimic its roar. I said yooo that's sick my favorite is the pterodactyl. I mimed a screech (my dinosaur knowledge is very limited, alas). He crawled out from under the table and started clawing at the air, doing his best impression of a dinosaur. It was very cute. I think he likes dinosaurs almost as much as he likes Optimus prime. Then he ran off to play with the other kids

#i knoe this kid hes obsessed with optimus prime #another kid was really into spiderman #and wouldnt listen to anyone #and then i called him peter parker and told him to pick up the chairs he knocked over #and he did! #its so interesting #he's a good kid he's just got a lot of energy in that tiny body #and if the kid doesnt want to talk and just wants to sulk i mean let them #i usually just sit and keep them company #theyll be fine they just need a break

[opikiquu]

these 2 gonna drive me insane

#^ positive i love them i love them i love them i love them #as if im not already insane for them . Sighs #honkai star rail #honkai sr #hsr #hsr dr ratio #hsr aventurine #dr ratio x aventurine #ratiorine #aventio #my friends getting sick of me i KNOW it but i just CANT STOP TALKING ABT THEM #<- my justification for like 7 posts in 2 days. #★ arin rambles #i woke up in a cold sweat after having a dream about them its getting absurd. #No THE NOTE joke this time (im giving everyone a break since i bring it up every 7 seconds) #Please…talk to me about them… i will listen….. #we should make dr ratio more of a dork #dork-tor ratio #i need to stop rambling in my tags i look insane #Nvm i refuse. Not when it comes to aventio. i refuse to be silenced . #‘stop talking about ratio and aventurine’ NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. #★ arin makes stuff

[somegrumpynerd]

@pigeonstab I finally got some motivation in me so it's time to extend Cross's misery lol

Also I had a bonus thought while drawing this:

Nobody understands what he's going through

#UTDR #UTMV #My Art #Pigeonstab #Cross Sans #Nightmare Sans #I need to sleep for work tomorrow but I think this was worth it lol #Poor guy can't get a break #He's the only one who remembers/ had a dad and his dad is the worst #One of them needs to get him headphones for his birthday #Or maybe Nightmare takes him down to the dungeon levels and sets up a lil speaker #Like ''this can be your screaming room if you would like to do so in peace''

[varyathevillain]

gonna keep thinking about how Gabriel went back to straightening out his posture and a certain booming and superior tone to his voice when he got his memories back... until he looked at Beelzebub. and then he crossed hands over his chest, breathed out, music kicked in... and it's as if a weight fell off him: his whole body became looser and less rigid, his voice turned oh so soft, even his face shown the way we only saw from Amnesiac!Gabriel - open and happy and in love with the world. in this case, his whole world. absolutely fantastic acting from Jon Hamm to convey just how much Gabriel's love for Beelzebub meant to him, how it breaks his shell of official pompousness immediately.

#the system breaks everyone and we need to destroy it and kill Gd right? #Good Omens Season 2 #GO S2 #Good Omens Season 2 spoilers #Good Omens #GO Gabriel #obviously both Gabriel and Beelzebub need to recognise how *they* fucked Aziraphale and Crowley up #and apologise for the behaviour in like. a proper way not expecting forgiveness #but they're in a honeymoon phase i don't think we're prying them off each other for until season 3 for a proper conversation #text post #Varya rambles #Jon Hamm #ineffable bureaucracy #1k #2k

[buggachat]

Hmm, sorry guys, I might skip posting beau today. Had an arm cramp last night and it’s not too bad, but I think I’d like a day to recover a little

#bakery enemies au #I have more parts done! but uh I may have rearranged them a little bit so there’s an incomplete part wedged in between the complete parts #it’s mostly done but is coming up soon and I figured a break now would be better since the last part is an ok stopping place #again there are a lot of finished parts so I promise this won’t turn into an extended hiatus 😭 #ALSO YALL EVER HAD A CHARLIE HORSE BUT IN YOUR ARM??? IT SUCKS LMAO I NEED TO DRINK MORE WATER

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

rough day...

#i might come back and color this. Eventually.... #scribbled this after a busy day of lots of moving things into storage and hauling boxes around #i felt a bit like a workhorse! #at some point i sat down on the uhaul w/ my water and thought. Wow. How Does Eddie Manage #poor guy deserves a break... #he needs a day off smh #i mean the neighborhood would fall apart w/o him probably but still. he needs a vacation! #he works too hard! someone tell him to prioritize himself for once! #scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #eddie dear #alrighty well its 12 am i need to get up in less than 6 hours and i still have Several Things To Do before i can sleep! #so! queuing this and getting those last chores done #wait fuck. what where they #well! i'll remember when i get up to do them! probably! #yknow 7 hours into tomorrow's drive im gonna be like OH FUCK I FORGOT THE [insert task here] #oh. shit did i eat dinner? hm... im not gonna be ready for breakfast when i wake up #so i might as well add 'quick cup of noodles' onto tonight's Before-Sleep list.... #im rambling! sorry! #anyway i have Much affection for eddie! somebody get him a spa day and some shiny new stamps!!!

[samscorch]

has this been done yet

#i see why people like making these theyre funny as fuck #anyways. been thinking about them every time i see this post so yeah #wiggly would 100 percent break his shit on purpose #hatchetfield #starkid #wiggly #wiggog y'wrath #tinky #tnoy karaxis #shitpost #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #genuinely sat up in a cold sweat hands shaking realizing i needed to make this

[twisting-in-wonderland]

Ace has a front row seat to the soon-to-be greatest event in NRC history-

based on this pic--

the energy this exudes will always crack me up-

heres a wip btw >_>

fun fact! originally grim was gonna be O_O at Jamil too, but then i remembered that grim doesnt have an ounce of awareness in him rip

#twst #twisted wonderland #art #ram's art #azul ashengrotto #jamil viper #ace trappola #deuce spade #twst grim #uhhhh yea this is like. messy and stuff #i just wanted to break my art block that ive been stuck in for over a month with a joke lol #can you tell that i drew azul in the first pic without a reference---- i hope not lol??-------- #i /was/ gonna do the bg as the scarabia dorm - like they all got invited to a meal or something but i needed to finsih this man -- #-its been a wip for a literal month p l s #also- shout out to the cherry pie and table that were gonna have more stuff done to them but sai straight up said 'no more layers allowed:] #anyways rip azul - nice knowing ya

[tzarrz]

to all people who said PART 1 made them laugh - i lov u 💗 this is for u

#look...i know it's been a month but hear me out- #guys don't yell he's really trying okay!! #NOT a mean ww truther bc he really isn't mean like at all #not in an intentional way #he's just stressed and embarrassed and tipsy here give him a break #he's swagless & thinks it's yet another reason he's unlovable (untrue) #dont worry woowoo vash also severely lacks in the swag department #but funny doodles aside i have other more serious art of them already posted + in the works #their understanding of each other ends up being so deep #but at the same time they manage to be so utterly stupid about it #how do they manage? i don't know #they just make me want to tear my hair out #you're important to each other!!!! get!! that!!! thru!! ur! HEADS!!!! #neither of them think they deserve what they want/need #i'm inconsolable actually nobody talk to me (talk to me please) #see using words isn't so hard. stupid fictional men #(she thought she did something with those tags) #times are hard but i stay silly #by that i mean i re-read vol 10 #on the daily. #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #nicholas d wolfwood #trimax #trigun #tzarrz

[snurtle]

I've been thinking about the templars lately. they were promised honor, virtue, told that they would be charged with protection of the innocent... And then those same people are systemically exploited and abused, abuse others because they're taught to regard everyone else as either sheep who need to be lead or potential threats. Never equals, except in their brothers/sisters-in-arms. They act as the guard-dogs and military arm of an entirely different organization that they're only a functionary member of but have no governing say in. Even the chantry aren't their equals- they function as the templar order's supervisors! And all this isolation and closing of ranks ends in disability, addiction, death, and abandonment by the system they spent their bodies in service of.

To top that off, retaliations against them just confirm the paranoia they were taught to embrace. It's probably a long hard road to get out of that hole.

Like, listen. the dichotomy of mage vs templars is a satisfying and easy one, but the system is tearing them apart too. have you ever heard of a retired templar?

at the end of it, mages and templars need to unite against the real threat. the chantry.

#this is an anti chantry post i want that temple exploded NOW #the chantry controls the lyrium; benefits directly from the formari enchanter system; has a financial incentive to make and use tranquil #the templars are breaking themselves in service of a system that functionally does Not care about them in any way except #their ability to hold a sword and counteract fade magic and that messes me up #thedosians need a fucking cross-field labor union NOW #of course the kalna would probably send the carta after any potential organizations of that nature #and the coterie #cant kill em all though!!! #actually that would be a hilarious fic #dragon age #canon dont interact i dont pay attention to discrete facts here we operate on half remembered game knowledge and vibes #if there are any retired templars out there: uhh... enjoy that. happy for you king (alistair) #cullen rutherford fundamentally represents 'no retirement plans' for me #the man is fifteen chronic illnesses ptsd shit withdrawal and interpersonal abandonment in a trenchcoat with fur trim #text it #long tags

[furiosophie]

He looks back down at the baby – Andy – with her lick of dark hair and her splotchy pink skin. Even though she can’t be more than a month old, probably not even, the resemblance to her father – to Hob’s friend – is already uncanny. She looks imperious, a little disapproving, like she’ll nap in his arms if she has to since she doesn’t want to be rude, but privately she thinks the conditions aren’t quite befitting an infant of her station.

Hob loves her instantly, instinctively, in a way that he thinks is going to be nearly impossible to get over.

real people by spqr (@andthepeople)

#dreamling #dream x hob #hob gadling #dream of the endless #PLS GO READ THIS FIC IT IS SO GOOD #it made me cry on the plane #honestly just the ultimate comfort fic #couldn't get the image of them carrying Andy around in that baby björn out of my head #i know they would prob not have gone for a pink one but I needed a color contrast so uh #just pretend they got it as a hand me down #or simply that hob thought it would be funny to break up dreams monochrome fit #anyway the sandman brain rot continues #soph arts

[bbnibini]

I find it so painfully heartbreaking that Solomon just...laughs off all the derision, the name-calling, and possibly even did "evil" things on purpose because it's expected of him at this point. (He had not always been like this as Thirteen pointed out before). There was a time when he was "innocent". When his soul sparkled. When it resembled the kind of soul everyone in these god forsaken (pun intended with spite) three realms seemed to associate with the ever loved MC. He's just...worryingly carefree. And because he's like that, he feels even more of a tragic character to me.

Sometimes it even seems that he himself would seemingly make up excuses on why he's hated. Oh, it's because I'm a sorcerer this. I might have won a war against Devildom single-handedly this. I have forgotten. But maybe, I did something bad, that. Hon, you were doing that to SURVIVE. You don't have to be a faultless person to deserve compassion. You don't have to be MC to deserve to be loved.

#rant #the more i play and read about nb solomon the more it feels like he's a worst case scenario foil to MC #and it's ridiculous maybe to feel this way but seeing how everyone dotes on mc and just panders to them without question no matter #especially with meaner dialogues #make me dislike the mc to some extent #what good will raising up one character do in exchange of dehumanising another? #i couldn't put a finger on this feeling before #but i think that's also why im so burnt out with this game #the more everyone loves me as the mc the more it becomes so apparent how unfairly solomon was treated #and how everyone ESPECIALLY HIM just rolls with it #sweetie please be angry. please complain. please hate me in some way #but no he just keeps loving and supporting the mc #in game in fandom this man can't catch a break #wanna gatekeep him fr /s #this has just been brewing in my mind for a while. i don't really wanna hear discourse or arguments that's why i put it in the tags #I just need a place to vent my frustrations with this game #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me solomon #spoiler mention #he's imperfect and flawed as all humans are and he deserves to be loved irregardless

[kibbits]

Here's a Break a Leg!AU Sun taking a bow and sharing the spotlight with Moon!

From last week's @dca-fanart-gallery magma! Big thanks to @lab-labrava for hosting! <33

#fnaf sb #my art #dca fandom #dca au #break a leg!au #help i looked up rococo outfits for this one for fun and now I want to give them elaborate embroidered clothes #kibsFNAFstuff #huh its'been a while hasn't it?? i have more pics including some from november i just. need to finish them fljkdf #fnaf dca

[ganondoodle]

rough beast ganondorf design + sketches + notes design combines the typical boar form (dark beast + cloud form from botw), the oni one (demon king gan) hint at the draconic one to come but keep part of his humanity with his clothing being mostly intact

as the battle with Demon King Ganondorf comes to an end, the sages previously knocked out start to wake up again, he is cornered and hurt and as fear of being imprisoned, tortured and exploited overwhelms him he transforms into the Beast form, breaking the arena you were fighting him in and him going for Zelda as she is the biggest threat (he remembers her destroying dark beast gan and she reminds him of sonia, who is the one you sealed his human body back in the day)

you and zelda flee through the cracks of the earth as more earthquakes happen with a beast at your heels thats now truly only out to kill as fast as possible as he burrows after you (first sketch)

the path takes you both just below the surface and as you are trapped in a dead end zelda shields herself and link with her light shield ability, which protects you both from immediate damage but cant soften the impact from gan charging at you, the impact of which breaks you all three to the surface and the battle takes place in the same spot as botws dark beast fight-

fight is very challenging as gan is smaller than the dark best version, jumping and charging at you while still able to cast spells, now truly throwing everything he can at you in the hopes of ending you both

fight ends with you shooting an arrow at zelda, her deflecting it at the right angle and it shooting off the enigma stone on gans forehead; he falls seemingly defeated and as zelda runs to take the stone away gan through sheer panic lunges for the stone triggering his dragon transformation and making way for the final fight

(summary of the end: in the final fight gan snatches up both link and zelda once he transformed into the black dragon and takes flight toward the sky, zelda falls from between his teeth and knowing that she cant get to link and help him in any way from the ground she, while falling, takes out the enigma stone she has kept in a save container in her backpack all this time and swallows it for her own transformation, in her white dragon form she takes active action and charges at gans head so link is freed, then supports him in the fight itself; at the end link plunges into dragon-gans mouth to reach the stone on the inside where he makes use of the 'medicine' previously made using the moonbloom taked from kogas secret lab, link and the stone are spit out and as gan reverses into a human and falls link is caught by zelda and he uses the second charge of it on her to bring her back as well; as all three fall from the skies as the sages have made their way through the tunnel that beast gan made earlier, they help link and zelda getting to the ground safely while the yiga do the same for gan - final end end isnt determined yet but this is waht i got so far and even if i have written this once before i felt it was fitting to do it again and no you cant tell me this is too much of a wishfulfillment thing bc it literally is just that as i cant actualyl change whats in the game, so even if im trying to make it all fit well together i can still do what i want nhakjdbgshdbhsjka)

(totk rewritten project)

#ganondoodles #zelda #art #tloz #loz #ganondoodles rewrites totk #ganondorf #i wanted to do a little summary and it again ended up gigantic #anyway #design needs a little fine tuning but i just made this in one burst of motivation so uuuh yeah #love me some parallels #and yes both the dragons only appear in the final fight #bc the focus is on the cycle of violence that the sonau started again even if they had good intentions and you working to break that #you know- characters having complicated relationships and some things not working out well through a series of mistakes #not one dragon twist thing .. or whatever the canon game actually wanted to say except goD gIVeN mONarChY GOoD - EvIL gUy evIL #and yeah once you have seen one of my monster design you have seen them all #it always ends up like this but what can i say #das wat i be doing