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#but despite the distance we are friends and we love each other
skiesofrosie · 2 days
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sometimes, it's hard to be good
pairing: joe liebgott x reader
genre: fluff, conversations about life
a/n: horrendously self-indulgent, but i hope you enjoy.
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
“I don’t think I’m a very good person,” you blurt.
“The fuck?” Joe says, confused.
It weighs on your shoulders like a stack of bricks, a truth that sends your mind into a frenzy. Joe noticed it a few days earlier, the way you started to cook, and wash the dishes, despite the half and half system you both have. The letters you sent to check-in on old acquaintances, despite them having never bothered with you. Your choice of books, a sudden affinity for self-help that you shove into your most hidden shelves.
“Are you having a fuckin’ identity crisis or somethin’?” Joe stopped you, just as you were about to take care of both his and your laundry for the third time that week. “Or do I pick up the chores too slowly, ‘cause I can do better.”
“No! No!” You said, a little flustered, then laughed to cover it up. “I’m just doin’ it all ‘cause I care about you.”
He kissed your forehead then, a little unsure. Truth be told, the overcompensation stems from the lack of doing enough–or at least, feeling like it. Joe is your other half, and he picks up well on his half too. If you cook, he will clean. If you do laundry once, he’ll take care of it next (even if he tends to mix the whites and the colors). But the insecurity seeps into your head like poison, the misbelief now running through your blood, and it makes you shoulder more than you actually can.
You slowed down too, because you realized the need to feel like a good person is inherently selfish. To really be good comes from the choices you make, and sometimes, the greater good requires you to be the villain.
Right now though, that’s all mixed up in your head, which means you feel like a piece of shit.
“Where’d ya get that idea?” He asks, now setting Dick Tracy down to pay you full attention. “Is someone tellin’ ya that shit? ‘Cause I’ll kill a–”
“It’s me,” you interject, shaking your head as you slap your book to your chest. “That's what I think.”
Curiosity washes over, as he furrows his eyebrows together and stares at you as if you’re dumb. The both of you are sitting on your balcony, the sun shining streaks of light across his face, and you wonder if you’re worthy of a man as strong and beautiful as him. 
The summer today is glorious, a little sweat trickling down your temples, but better than the way your nose freezes in the winter. Joe and you have made this a routine every Sunday, afternoons spent outside in each other’s company, to catch up on some reading. Your little apartment faces the San Francisco life, and even if the stench of running gas is discomforting, it’s still home. For Joe, it’s homeostasis; a reminder that the war is now behind him, and the domesticity you both have always dreamed of, is now real.
Today though, in the pits of your overthinking, you’re hardly reading the words as you scan the pages.
“Hey,” he gently probes. “What’s goin’ on up there?”
His fingers are creeping towards yours fiddling with each other on your lap.
“I,” you start, but find it difficult to reason. When his hand slips into yours, squeezing it in encouragement, you continue, but not without a sigh. “I found a photo from when we were in high school, and…I realized how many of them I don’t talk to anymore. Friends that have drifted apart, friends that I’ve cut off, or they’ve cut me off. It got me thinking, really thinking, about all the decisions I’ve made, all the people I’ve loved and lost, all the mistakes I’ve made and it all crashed down on me like I hit a brick wall head-on with your cab.”
You stop mid-thought, paying a good look at him listening intently to you, eyes a twinge downcast.
“It made me think that maybe I’m not doing enough, or I’m doing nothing right. That I’ve been selfish, and I have this urge to uproot my entire life and start afresh,” you finish.
He looks into the distance, fingers still entwined with yours as he collates the rush of thoughts. It makes his heart ache to know that you feel this way, because to him, the world owes you for your kindness. But he admires the way you know when it’s time to abandon your good and patience, because it fails to be returned.
“Joe?” He hears you call.
He speaks. “If that’s your logic, than all of us are fuckin’ shitheads.”
You gawk at his response, sputtering, “what do you mean?”
“Sweetheart,” he says, then turns to you unflinchingly. “I spent three years shooting Krauts just ‘cause I could. I did what I was told, convinced myself that I’d be doing the world a favor. Those were actual fuckin’ choices I made, and now I have to live with ‘em in my head.”
“But,” you say, “those people were shooting at you Joe.”
“Not all of ‘em,” he says, shaking his head. “Not all of ‘em.”
A silence falls over you both. It never occurred to you how difficult it is to actually be good–to make the right decision all the time. Even the sun, with its daylight to the skies, streaming into people’s homes to wake them up for another day, blinds you if you look at it for too long. It burns when you get too close, blazes ‘til there’s a drought.
We are all made up of imperfections, after all.
“We fuck up,” Joe adds, quietly. “Hell, we fuck up with each other too, ain’t it?”
“Yeah, I guess,” you smile, “you caused all my whites to go pink last week.”
“Hey,” he lets go of your hand to smack you. “I bought ya your favorite cookies at Betty’s to make up for it!”
You can’t help the laugh that breaks loose of you, despite the heaviness in your chest. In an infinite list, one of the reasons you love him is his ability to pull you out of your own mind, and make you laugh ‘til tears pool in your eyes. 
“Seriously though, we ain’t bad people just ‘cause we fuck up. We’re shitheads if we don’t try to do better,” he says, his hand on your thigh, rubbing his thumb in circles. He throws his other hand up, the comic falling onto the ground. “I try everyday to be a better fuckin’ person, but I slip up. You will too. But at least ya try, you know?”
You know he’s right. Like the chocolate cookies he bought for you to make good on the clothes he ruined; like the moments you apologize to each other in petty fights, and figure out a way to make things better–even if you falter, all there is to it, is taking the next step. So even if you still worry, you can at least do that. And what better than to have Joe Liebgott by your side, a man who will never speak anything less than the truth.
“Baby steps, right?” You nod.
He nods, standing up, walking to you and pulling you to your feet. He slips his arms around your waist, as you cross yours behind his neck, pecking you once, twice, and you’re about to make out with him on your balcony–
‘Til a blaring honk from the road makes you jump apart.
“Fuck!” He yells at the road, and you wince, but with amusement. “I’m tryna get some, okay!”
This time you swat at his shoulder, as he guffaws, starts leaving kisses on your neck. You melt into him.
Baby steps, definitely.
“Oh and sweetheart,” he breathes against your skin, and you hum. “You’re the best fuckin’ person I know on this planet.”
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
@she-wolf09231982 a little snippet of Joe :D
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seagullcharmer · 4 months
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hm. feeling nostalgic and sad that i don't have any pictures with my friends. need to rectify this
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munamania · 6 months
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something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.
#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love#what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it#why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties#of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often#so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk#and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore#i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them#. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec#but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd#but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE.#OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL.#and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness#but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart.#this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it#that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too#and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch#now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it.#because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do#something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope#and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude#this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post#ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting#all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever
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ghosts-cyphera · 7 months
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pornstar! ghost who buys u cute little underwear sets for every scene u do together ?? he says it doesn’t mean anything but in reality he spent hours trying to pick out the nicest colours n fit for u <33
18+; mdni / suggestive fluff / pornstar!ghost x fem!reader; masterlist here ♡
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ghost's foot drummed against the ground as he studied the boutique from the street. the window displays were decorated with flower arrangements and expensive-looking cotton clouds, among which golden hangers displayed the most intricate sets of lingerie he had ever seen.
fitting for you.
you, who he knew—no matter what kind of a scene you were shooting—liked to feel beautiful on set. beautiful just to be adored and worshipped: to be made love to, or beautiful to be turned messy: to be fucked and made to feel used. that touch of something pure was always there when you showed up for work, day after day with a sparkle in your eyes.
with a warm chuckle, ghost stepped inside. 
everything about the boutique reminded him of a candy store. the colors, the details, and even the scent of something sweet were all tugging the corners of his lips into a warm smile.
he was utterly out of his comfort zone, but fuck, did it also make him feel all sorts of fucking thrilled. 
you’d love the place to bits.
“shopping with a special someone in mind?” 
the words flowed from the tongue of a sales assistant: a twinkly-eyed woman whose arms spread in a greeting as she closed the distance to him. “a partner, perhaps?”
bloody hell.
“oh, no—err—,” ghost cursed under his breath as he let out a deep laugh. “just a friend, really.”
“that’s one lucky friend right there,” she chuckled. “we carry a wide range of sizes and models for all body types, but if there’s any chance that you’d happen to know their measurements, that would—“
“yeah. of course. yeah, I’ve got—,” his finger slid into the pocket of his jacket, and he pulled out a neatly folded note that he handed to the assistant with a grin. “I—err—asked her stylist.”
“your friend is in the show business, is she?” the assistant mused as she unfolded the paper—a touch of warm amusement on her features as her eyes scanned the handwriting. “perfect. I see that they’ve included everything we need for finding the—,” she paused, her brows rising as a bright smile tugged at the corners of her lips. “you really did come prepared, huh?”
“yeah, I’ve got val to thank for that,” he let out a laugh as his gaze traveled across the store. everything about the space screamed luxury, from the velvet couches to the tall windows and the complimentary champagne that the assistant—nila, she introduced herself—was now offering him.
yet with a shake of his head and a polite smile ghost declined the drink, all due to the spark of curiosity prickling under his skin.
while he was not usually a man to display his feelings and emotions publicly, as his feet now led him towards a stand in the middle of the store, he knew there was no use in trying to bite down his smile. 
for on a round stand, surrounding a tall flower-arrangement, half a dozen sets of lingerie were gently placed: each of them damn near handcrafted to you.
their colors, cuts, and details were all you.
“seems like something’s stood out," nila’s voice was warm as she stepped to him.
“she’ll call me a bloody stalker for knowing her this damn well, but these—,” ghost let out a warm chuckle as he nodded his head, “yeah. she’d feel fuckin’ beautiful in these.”
“you really do know her,” she peered up at him, much in the same way that he was used to with other women. yet what came to her, in her eyes was nothing but genuine curiosity: warmth not towards ghost, but towards you. “she’s really lucky to have someone like that.”
“it’s really fuckin’ me who’s gotten lucky,” despite the whisper of a smile on his features, with his words his voice dipped ever so slightly. “she’s the best thing I’ve ever—,” he wet his lips with a chuckle. “it’s the way she makes you feel seen. special. like you—“ he shook his head. “fuckin’ hell do I know. never really been good with words.”
“if even a fraction of that glimmer in your eyes is visible when you look at her—,” nila arched an amused brow. “believe me, she knows.”
“rather she didn’t.”
“stuck on that stage, huh?”
ghost grinned, wetting his lips as a touch of warmth rose to play on his cheeks. “alright, enough of that, yeah? back to the—,” he gestured towards the stand with a chuckle, “fuckin’ lingerie, eh?”
the next two hours flew by on wings as ghost gathered a selection of pieces for you. each one was carefully picked not only to bring attention to all those things he knew you loved about yourself but also all those small parts that you were still learning to embrace. all of it—he hoped—to help you see yourself in the way that he saw you.
nothing short of perfect.
“the last one,” nila smiled as her fingers finished tying off one last satin bow: one just as perfect as the previous dozen had been. “and we’re all done.”
ghost wet his lips with a chuckle as he reached for the gift box. “is it weird to suddenly feel fuckin' nervous?”
“a little,” she smiled. “you really don't need to worry,” she arched a carefully amused brow, “ghost.”
his gaze found hers, his brows furrowing slightly. “you know who—“
“from the moment you walked in.” nila’s laugh was soft as she leaned against the counter: her amusement now reflecting back on the features of ghost.
“and so, you know who these are for, eh?"
“it’s just a wild guess, really.” her grin turned into a careful smile. “she’s beautiful. don’t—,” she shook her head. “don’t let her go.”
“fan of hers?”
“sexual awakening of sorts.”
“fuckin’ understandable,” ghost’s laugh was breathless as he pushed off the counter, his hands now filled with gift bags. “thank you, eh? for all your help.”
“of course,” she beamed—only for her eyes to widen with a sudden realization. “hold up! I almost forgot—“ she reached over the counter to wrap her fingers around the note of measurements scribbled down by valeria. 
“believe me,” nila laughed as she slipped it into the pocket of ghost’s jacket. “you don’t want to lose it.”
it was not until he had made his way home that he finally fished out the folded paper: the one that did not only include the measurements of your bust, hips, and waist. scribbled at the bottom was also an additional message, accompanied by a small hand-drawn picture.
on the off chance that one of these days you’ll go and admit just how down bad you are for her. – V
a measurement, and next to it, a drawing of a ring.
fuckin’ hell.
ghost blinked his eyes shut with his laugh, deep and warm.
for now, the small pile of gift-wrapped boxes would have to do, yet as he walked to his bookshelf and slid the note between the pages of his favorite book… 
that’s when he promised himself to never lose that small paper, and with it, the reminder to hold onto you, too.
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a/n: aah my wee cheeks are literally cramping from how brightly I smiled when writing this, haha. too cute? nah, we don’t know her. love you all! / pornstar!ghost masterlist / my inbox is still so very open for all your thoughts about him. 💌
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artsekey · 5 months
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Disney's Wish
Look, Disney's Wish has been universally panned across the internet, and for good reason.
It’s just…kind of okay.
 When we sit down to watch a Disney film—you know, from the company that dominated the animation industry from 1989 to (arguably) the mid 2010’s and defined the medium of animation for decades—we expect something magnificent. Now, I could sit here and tell you everything that I thought was wrong with Wish, but if you’re reading this review, then I imagine that you’ve already heard the most popular gripes from other users across the web. So, let me focus in:
The biggest problem with Wish—in fact, the only problem with Wish—is Magnifico.
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Whoa, that’s crazy! There’re so many things about Wish that could’ve been better! The original concept was stronger! The music was bad--
I hear you, I do. But stay with me here, okay? Take my hand. I studied under artists from the Disney renaissance. I teach an adapted model of Disney’s story pipeline at a University level. I spent a ridiculous amount of time getting degrees in this, and I am about to dissect this character and the narrative to a stupid degree.
First, we need to understand that a good story doesn’t start and end with what we see on the screen. Characters aren’t just fictional people; when used well, characters are tools the author uses (or in this case, the director) to convey their message to the audience. Each character’s struggle should in some way engage with the story’s message, and consequently, the story’s theme. Similarly, when we look at our protagonist and our antagonist, we should see their characters and their journeys reflected in one-another.
So, what went wrong between Asha & Magnifico in terms of narrative structure?
Act I
In Wish, we’re introduced to our hero not long into the runtime—Asha. She’s ambitious, caring, and community-oriented; in fact, Asha is truly introduced to the audience through her love of Rosas (in “Welcome to Rosas”).  She’s surrounded by a colorful cast of friends who act as servants in the palace, furthering her connection with the idea of community but also telling us that she’s not of status, and then she makes her way to meet Magnifico for her chance to become his next apprentice.
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Quick aside: I'm not going to harp on Asha as a character in the context of Disney's overall canon. Almost every review I've seen covers her as a new addition to Disney's ever-growing repertoire of "Cute Quirky Heroines", and I think to be fair to Asha as an actor in the narrative, it serves her best to be weighed within the context of the story she's part of.
As Asha heads upstairs for her interview, we're introduced to the man of the hour: Magnifico. He lives in a tower high above the population of Rosas, immediately showing us how he differs from Asha; he’s disconnected from his community. He lives above them. He has status. While the broader context of the narrative wants us to believe that this also represents a sense of superiority, I would argue that isn’t what Magnifico’s introduction conveys; he's isolated.
Despite this distance, he does connect with Asha in “At All Costs”. For a moment, their goals and values align. In fact, they align so well that Magnifico sees Asha as someone who cares as much about Rosas as he does, and almost offers her the position.
… Until she asks him to grant Saba’s wish.
This is framed by the narrative as a misstep. The resonance between their ideals snaps immediately, and Magnifico says something along the line of “Wow. Most people wait at least a year before asking for something.”
This disappointment isn't played as coming from a place of power or superiority. He was excited by the idea of working with someone who had the same values as he did, who viewed Rosas in the same way he does, and then learns that Asha’s motivations at least partially stem from a place of personal gain.
Well, wait, is that really Asha's goal?
While it's not wholistically her goal, it's very explicitly stated & implied that getting Saba's wish granted is at least a part of it. The audience learns (through Asha's conversation with her friends before the interview) that every apprentice Magnifico has ever had gets not only their wish granted, but the wishes of their family, too!  Asha doesn’t deny that this is a perk that she’s interested in, and I don't think this is a bad thing.
So, Is Asha’s commitment to Saba selfless, or selfish? I’m sure the director wanted it to seem selfless, wherein she believes her family member has waited long enough and deserves his wish granted, but we can’t ignore the broader context of Asha essentially trying to… skip the line.
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Then, we get our first point of tension. Magnifico reveals his “true colors” in snapping at Asha, telling her that he “decides what people deserve”. This is supposed to be the great motivator, it’s meant to incite anger in the audience—after all, no one gets to decide what you deserve, right? But unfortunately for the integrity of the film and the audience's suspension of disbelief, at least part of Magnifico’s argument is a little too sound to ignore:
Some wishes are too vague and dangerous to grant. Now, there’s visual irony here; he says this after looking at a 100 old man playing the lute. The idea that something so innocuous could be dangerous is absurd, and the audience is meant to agree.
... But we’ve also seen plenty of other wishes that might be chaotic—flying on a rocket to space, anyone? The use of the word vague is important, too—this implies wording matters, and that a wish can be misinterpreted or evolve into something that is dangerous even if the original intent was innocuous. His reasoning for people forgetting their wish (protecting them from the sadness of being unable to attain their dreams) is much weaker, but still justifiable (in the way an antagonist’s flawed views can be justified). The film even introduces a facet of Magnifico’s backstory that implies he has personal experience with the grief of losing a dream (in the destruction of his home), but that thread is never touched on again.
              What is the audience supposed to take from this encounter? If we’re looking at the director’s intent, I’d argue that we’ve been introduced to a well-meaning young girl and a king who’s locked away everyone’s greatest aspiration because he believes he deserves to have the power to decide who gets to be happy.
              But what are we shown? Our heroine, backed by her friends, strives to be Magnifico’s apprentice because she loves the city but also would really like to see her family's wishes granted. When this request is denied and she loses the opportunity to be his apprentice, she deems Magnifico’s judgement unfair & thus begins her journey to free the dreams of Rosas’ people.
              In fairness, Magnifico doesn’t exhibit sound judgement or kindness through this act of the film. He’s shown to be fickle, and once his composure cracks, he can be vindictive and sharp. He's not a good guy, but I'd argue he's not outright evil. He's just got the makings of a good villain, and those spikes of volatility do give us a foundation to work off of as he spirals, but as we’ll discuss in a bit, the foreshadowing established here isn’t used to the ends it implies.
              While I was watching this film, I was sure Magnifico was going to be a redeemable villain. He can’t connect with people because he's sure they value what he provides more than they value him (as seen in “At All Costs” and the aftermath), and Asha’s asking for more was going to be framed as a mistake. His flaw was keeping his people too safe and never giving them the chance to sink or swim, and he's too far removed from his citizens to see that he is appreciated. Asha does identify this, and the culmination of her journey is giving people the right to choose their path, but the way Magnifico becomes the “true” villain and his motivations for doing so are strangely divorced from what we’re shown in Act I.  
Act II:
His song, “This is the Thanks I Get!?” furthers the idea that Magnifico’s ire—and tipping point—is the fact that he thinks the people he’s built a kingdom for still want more. Over the course of this 3:14 song, we suddenly learn that Magnifico sends other people to help his community and doesn’t personally get involved (we never see this outside of this song), and that he’s incredibly vain/narcissistic (he's definitely a narcissist). I think feeling under-appreciated is actually a very strong motivation for Magnifico as a character-turning-villain, and it works very well. It’s justified based on what we’ve seen on screen so far: he feels under-appreciated (even though he’s decidedly not—the town adores him), he snaps and acts irrationally under stress (as seen with his outburst with Asha), and he’s frustrated that people seem to want more from him (again, as seen with his conversation with Asha in Act I).
              But then… he opens the book.
Ah, the book. As an object on screen, we know that it's filled with ancient and evil magic, well-known to be cursed by every relevant character in the film, and kept well-secured under lock and key. But what does it stand for in the context of the narrative's structure? A quick path to power? We're never told that it has any redeeming qualities; Magnifico himself doesn't seem to know what he's looking for when he opens it. It feels... convenient.
I think it's also worth noting that he only turns to the book when he's alone; once again, the idea of connection and community rears it's ugly head! Earlier in the film, Amaya-- his wife-- is present and turns him away from taking that path. In her absence, he makes the wrong choice.
This decision could make sense; it contains powerful magic, and if it were framed in such a way that the people of Rosas were losing faith in Magnifico’s magic, as if what he can do might not be enough anymore after what they felt from Star, going for the book that we know contains spells that go above and beyond what he can already do would be logical. Along the lines of, “If they’re not happy with what I do for them, fine. I, ever the “martyr”, will do the unthinkable for you, because you want more.”
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            It would keeps with the idea that Magnifico believes he's still trying to help people, but his motivation has taken his self-imposed pity party and turned it into resentment and spite.
 But, that’s not the case. Instead he talks about reversing that “light”, which has had no real negative or tangible consequences on Rosas. Everyone had a warm feeling for a few seconds. Again, it’s meant to paint him as a vain control freak, but… he hasn’t lost any power. The citizens of Rosas even assume the great showing of magic was Magnifico.
Act III
              Then, we get to the consequences of opening the book (and perhaps my biggest qualm with this film). The book is established as being cursed. Magnifico knows it, Asha knows it, and Amaya—who is introduced as loyal-- knows it. The characters understand his behavior is a direct result of the book, and search for a way to save him. This is only the focus of the film for a few seconds, but if you think about it, the fact that his own wife cannot find a way to free him of the curse he’s been put under is unbelievably tragic. Worse still, upon discovering there is no way to reverse the curse, Magnifico—the king who built the city & “protected it” in his own flawed way for what seems to be centuries—is thrown out by his wife. You know, the wife who's stood loyal at his side for years?
              It’s played for laughs, but there’s something unsettling about a character who’s clearly and explicitly under the influence of a malevolent entity being left… unsaved. If you follow the idea of Magnifico being disconnected from community being a driving force behind his arc, the end of the film sees him in a worse situation he was in at the start: truly, fully alone.
              They bring in so many opportunities for Magnifico to be sympathetic and act as a foil for Asha; he’s jaded, she’s not. He’s overly cautious (even paranoid), she’s a risk-taker. He turns to power/magic at his lowest point, Asha turns to her friends at her lowest point. Because this dichotomy isn’t present, and Magnifico—who should be redeemable—isn’t, the film is so much weaker than it could’ve been. The lack of a strong core dynamic between the protagonist and antagonist echoes through every facet of the film from the music to the characterization to the pacing, and I believe if Magnifico had been more consistent, the film would’ve greatly improved across the board.
I mean, come on! Imagine if at the end of the film, Asha—who, if you remember, did resonate with Magnifico’s values at the start of the film—recognizes that he's twisted his original ideals and urges him to see the value in the people he’s helped, in their ingenuity, in their gratitude, & that what he was able to do before was enough. Going further, asking what his wish is or was—likely something he’s never been asked— and showing empathy! We’d come full circle to the start of the film where Asha asks him to grant her wish.
Pushing that further, if Magnifico’s wish is to see Rosas flourish or to be a good/beloved king, he'd have the the opportunity to see the value in failing and how pursuing the dream is its own complex and valuable journey, and how not even he is perfect.
 The curse and the book (which, for the purposes of this adjustment, would need to be established as representing the idea of stepping on others to further your own goals/the fast way to success), then serve as the final antagonist, that same curse taking root in the people of Rosas who’ve had their dreams destroyed, and Asha works with the community to quell it. Asha’s learned her lesson, so has Magnifico, and the true source of evil in the film—the book—is handled independently. Magnifico steps back from his role as King, Amaya still ends up as Queen, and Asha takes her place as the new wish-granter.
This route could even give us the true “Disney villain” everyone’s craving; giving the book sentience and having it lure Magnifico in during “This is the Thanks I Get!?” leaves it as its own chaotic evil entity.
All in all, Magnifico's introduction paved a road to redemption that the rest of the film aggressively refused to deliver on, instead doubling down on weaker motivations that seem to appear out of thin air. Once the audience thinks, hey, that bad guy might have a point, the protagonist has to do a little more heavy lifting to convince us they're wrong.
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Look at the big-bad-greats from Disney's library. There isn't a point in the Lion King where we pause and think, "Wait a second, maybe Scar should be the guy who rules the Pridelands." Ursula from the Little Mermaid, though motivated by her banishment from King Triton's Seas, never seems to be the right gal for the throne. Maybe Maleficent doesn't get invited to the princess's birthday party, but we don't watch her curse a baby and think, Yeah, go curse that baby, that's a reasonable response to getting left out.
What do they all have in common? Their motivation is simple, their goal is clear, and they don't care who they hurt in pursuit of what they want.
Magnifico simply doesn't fall into that category. He's motivated by the idea of losing power, which is never a clear or impactful threat. His goal at the start seems to be to protect Rosas, then it turns into protecting his own power, and then-- once he's corrupted-- he wants to capture Star. The problem is, there's no objective to put this power toward. Power for power's sake is useless. Scar craves power because he feels robbed of status. Ursula believes the throne is rightfully hers. Maleficent wanted to make a statement. Magnifico... well, I'm not really sure.
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lxkeee · 25 days
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UNEXPECTED
—ONESHOT
PAIRING: LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR X FEM! SINNER! READER
GENRE: not angst:)
WARNINGS: no angst fr
NOTES: When I hit a writing slump in one of my series, I try to write one shots to inspire myself:3
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We fall in love with three different people in our lifetime.
First love, this love often happens at a young age. You eventually grow apart or call it quits over silly things. When you get older you may look back and think it wasn't love. But the truth is, it was. It was love for what you knew love to be.
Lucifer fell in love with his best friend, Raphael. She was the only one who believed in his silly dreams when he was still in heaven, that's one of the reasons he fell for the seraphim. He didn't tell her, he didn't get the chance to as unfortunately, Raphael told him about her crush on Azrael.
This made him put a distance between them, despite a breaking heart, he played as her wingman and set her and Azrael up.
Lucifer was proud of himself for doing that, he got to see his best friend to be so happy and in love. He can see how good Azrael is treating her and he knows that she'll be in safe hands.
Second love, the hard one. You get hurt in this one. This love teaches us lessons and makes us stronger. This love includes great pain, lies, betrayal, abuse, drama and damage.
But this is the one where we grow. We realize what we love about love and what we don't love about love.
Now we know the difference between good and bad humans. Now we become closed, careful, cautious and considerate.
We know exactly what we want and don't want.
After Azrael and Raphael got married, it wasn't exactly difficult for Lucifer to move on. He saw how happy she is and he decided that he shouldn't dwell on heartbreaking things. He continues to do his wonderful creations for the world. Raphael remained supportive of him, continuing to believe in his dreams despite the elders not believing in him.
Then came Adam and Lilith, he was mesmerized when he saw Lilith when he visited the Garden of Eden.
He fell in love with her and so did she to him, he listened to her how Adam wasn't treating her right. He couldn't believe a woman like her is treated like that.
He talked about her to Raphael and even though the seraphim was happy for him, she warned him not to do anything stupid. He promised that he wouldn't.
The more time he spent with Lilith, they slowly got to know each other.
He and Lilith shared the same beliefs, causing them to give the fruit of forbidden knowledge to Adam's new bride, Eve who gladly accepted.
With that, evil finally found its way to earth. Lucifer and Lilith were both banished into hell for what they had done.
Even though hell was dark, empty, and incredibly hot. He and Lilith managed to make it work. They were madly and deeply in love. Their love bore fruit and that is their beloved daughter, Charlotte Morningstar.
An eternity in hell with his family doesn't seem so bad.
Not all happy things last, slowly his and Lilith's beliefs started to clash once mortal souls slowly came down to hell. Lucifer witnessed the cruelty of mankind, how his actions gave these souls freedom to do incredibly horrifying things.
“This is how they used their free will...?” he asked himself.
He hated it, he lost so much because of the risk he did to give humanity freedom.
Lilith on the other hand, thrived off the evil.
Their differences caused them to split.
He fell into depression, how couldn't he? The woman he loved for so many eons left him? Not only that, his relationship with his daughter is deteriorating. He doesn't even remember when was the last time he held her.
For so many years, he believed that he was unlovable and he was destined to be alone. Why wouldn't he think that when the love of his life, the mother of his daughter left him?
Third love, this one comes blindly. No warning. It creeps on you silently.
You don't go looking for this love.. It comes to you.
You can put up ANY wall you want, it will be broken down. You'll find yourself caring about that person without trying. They look nothing like your usual crush types, but you get lost in their eyes daily. You see beauty in their imperfections. You hide nothing from them. You want marriage and family with them. You thank the universe for them. You truly love them.
It took a while but Lucifer managed to reconnect with his daughter, he promised to be there for her.
He helped her how to get to heaven, he helped her when the extermination happened.
He was proud of himself, promising to help the hotel as he can finally see that his daughter's dreams weren't hopeless. He was filled with hope once more, he wanted to help humanity once more.
It was sudden, no warning. He wasn't even looking for love.
Lucifer found himself staring at the third sinner who joined the hotel, [Y/n]. She joined and he was able to befriend and get to know the sinner.
He showed off his rubber duck collections to her, he thought she would find his hobby silly but turns out she loved it and found it adorable.
It was unexpected.
He suddenly found himself wide awake in his bed at the dead of the night, staring at the ceiling as countless thoughts of [Y/n] filled his mind.
“Uh oh.” he muttered, a realization that he fell for the sinner so suddenly and he fell hard.
He can only think of her bright and sparkly [e/c] eyes, her soft hair, soft skin, her beautiful face, and everything of her.
He groans, “Luciferrrr... you just had to fall for someone so suddenly and that is your friend too.” he groans to himself, mad at himself for falling for someone he thought he could call a friend.
He doesn't want to be friends with her, he wants to be more. He wants to marry her, have a family with her, worship her like the sinner he is.
After coming to the realization, he decided not to confess immediately. Wanting to see how deep his affections for her goes.
And it was deep, it was rock bottom. He was whipped.
He doesn't mind losing himself in the process when he loves her.
He pretended, he hid his feelings. Afraid of losing her.
It took so long, hiding it became unbearable.
He spilled the three words to her, “I like you.” he says so suddenly, he was mesmerized by her that the words came out so suddenly. Catching both him and her off guard.
His eyes widened, slapping a hand over his mouth.
[Y/n] just looked at him with wide eyes, cheeks tinted pink from fluster.
“I-I'm sorry, pretend I didn't say that...” he says, slightly stammering his words. His heart was beating erratically, his hands felt warm against his gloves. His cheeks are warm, warmer than usual. The spots on his cheek have reddened more than usual, almost glowing red.
He covered his face with his hand, embarrassed.
He was expecting that she would be gone once he removed his hands away from his face.
He felt his hand being held by soft ones, removing them from his face.
“Lucifer, look at me.” she says softly to him, he looked at her shyly and with embarrassment. His red eyes finally met [e/c] ones. He admired how beautiful she looked.
Her eyes were looking at him with so much adoration, cheeks flushed, and she was shyly smiling at him.
“Did you mean what you said?” she asked softly, hope evident in her voice.
He gulped nervously but decided to nod at her, a slow shy nod.
He could see how her eyes sparkled, her smile got bigger.
“I'm glad... I like you too, Lucifer.” she admitted softly to him, her voice devoid of any lies and only filled with honesty.
His eyes widened, his cheeks getting warmer.
“Why...? What's something about me to love?” he asked her sadly, avoiding her eyes. He is happy she felt the same but he genuinely can't see himself deserving of love.
“There's nothing about you that I couldn't love, I love everything about you... Lucifer.” she admitted softly, holding his hand with hers.
His breath got caught in his throat, his heart beating erratically against his ribcage.
“I am hard to love.” he says softly, ashamed. He squeezed her hand gently.
“Who said that?” she asked softly.
“Me.”
Her eyes softened, her other hand caressed his cheek adoringly, “Well, you're wrong. I can love you just as easily as breathing.”
Speechless, embarrassed, and flustered. He's not used to such affectionate words said to him.
“Huh...?”
“I meant it.” she says softly, leaning closer to him, “Can I kiss you...?” she asked and he forgot to breathe.
“Y-yes, please...”
Soft lips pressed against his, his eyes closed instinctively as his hand found its way to her waist, pulling her closer to him.
They'll be fine. He'll be fine. He has her now.
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GENERAL TAGLIST:
@adaizel @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @thedarkkitten @selvyyr @froggybich @brithedemonspawn @kottenox @totallymitya @many-fandoms-lover @dou-dou @mezzyb0nb0n @n1chxyaaenthusiast @cherry-4200 @koirb @galaxyj3lly @crystalplays28 @luleck @scootinonyourmom @rory-cakes @mixplara @crescent-z @bitchyzombienacho @kalisha2004 @altervex @nehy019 @napbatata @kouyoumarryme @kooidoom @yukichan67 @apple-pop @akiralovespenguins @storydays @amphiroxx @lil-writer-523 @punching-pentagrams @moonlovers34 @akiqvq @the-attention-whore @homie-xidal @nicora04 @knave-hearts @emekeneme @chirp23 @wendds @crazed-flower @your-next-daydream @rocketxgirl @tobe-a-smiley @purplerose291 @ritzes28
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starastrologyy · 6 months
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“You illuminate me”
Sun in partners Houses in Synastry
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Hi everyone, please note that this is mainly referring to romantic synastry. I can do more posts about platonic or familial synastry in the future, if that’s something that would interest anyone :)
The Sun shows us the area of life we essentially “illuminate” in the life of another person.
Sun in partners 1st house
This is a great overlay in most relationships, as it suggests that there is a common sense of understanding and resonance between the two. The Sun persons ego and identity are in sync with the House persons personality and outward persona. These two can become fast friends, and feel as if they have a lot in common. The Sun person can be drawn to the Ascendant persons physical appearance, and the manner in which they carry themselves. In turn, the house person can often validate the Sun person’s ego and basic identity. They have a profound impact on each others identities and feelings of self-confidence.
Sun in partners 2nd house
The Sun person brings awareness to the house persons values, finances, possessions, and sense of self-worth. The Sun person has the potential to impact the house persons feelings of self-worth (however, this can be negatively or positively depending on how the Sun persons Sun, is aspecting the house persons planets). Nevertheless, in some cases the Sun person can help the house person re-evaluate how they spend money and handle their finances in general. In a romantic context, the house person can at times feel possessive over the Sun person. This is often because they see the Sun person as someone who they “value”. However, if the Sun person is someone who dislikes feeling restricted, they will at times feel overwhelmed by excessive displays of possessiveness. (Please note that this can go either way, it can also be the Sun person feeling possessive of the house person) Despite this, this a helpful overlay when it comes to the acquisition of material items and gifts.
Sun in partners 3rd house
This is a highly communicative and intellectual overlay. The Sun person can encourage the house person to explore matters related to short-distance travels, communication, writing, and mental processing. If words of affirmation are one of your primary love languages, 3rd house overlays are perfect for you. The Sun person often stimulates the house persons desire to communicate, learn, and explore their immediate environment. There can at times be a ‘sibling-like’ bond between the two, as there are likely to be many lively debates and discussions with this overlay.
Sun in partners 4th house
This can often prove to be a very emotionally intimate overlay. The Sun person can encourage the house person to explore their ancestry, heritage, or familial roots in some cases. Alternatively, the house person may feel as if the Sun person is someone who they can truly open up to. There can even be an emotional dependency that forms between the two people. There’s a sense of comfort and familiarity here (as with most overlays on an angle). In a platonic relationship, the Sun person can “feel like family” to the house person. However, in a romantic context, the House person can develop a strong emotional attachment to the Sun person. If there are other factors that support this, the two may even have the desire to live together.
Sun in partners 5th house
This is a very fun, flirty, and light-hearted overlay. These two likely enjoy each other’s company. The Sun person stimulates the house persons desire for fun, romance, and creativity. There can be mutual affection, attraction, and desire between the two. However, it must be noted that 5th house overlays (by themselves) are often not indicative of long-term relationships. However, they do help keep the “spark alive” in most relationships. There can be a great deal of affection and desire that is generated here. The desire is not raw and primal like 8th house overlays, it’s more of a playful or ‘smitten’ type of yearning. Moreover, the 5th house is also the house of children. Thus, children can be a theme here. Lastly, the Sun person can also encourage the house person to be confident in their self-expression. There can also be an emphasis on creativity and shared hobbies with this overlay.
Sun in partners 6th house
This overlay emphasizes routine, service, health, and productivity. The Sun person can make the house person aware of their routines and habits that may be negatively impacting their physical health. There is also a sense of dependability and responsibility that is generated with this overlay. However, planets that fall on the 6th/12th house axis, can also denote that one person tends to give more than they receive. Thus, feelings of resentment can emerge over time. Despite this, the house person often appreciates how helpful the Sun person is. There can also be an emphasis on work, pets, or physical health when they are together. The Sun person can encourage the house person to adopt healthier habits and a productive daily routine.
Sun in partners 7th house
The 7th house is the natural house of partnerships. Thus, when someone’s Sun falls into your 7th house, you may feel as if this person has all the qualities that you desire or look for in a romantic partner. The 7th house is also the house of contracts and business partnerships. Thus, it’s possible that the desire to be business partners can also emerge. Although, 7th house overlays generally yield positive results. The 7th house is also the house of open-enemies. Thus, there can at times be a “love-hate” dynamic between the two. Despite this, you can often feel a very strong ‘pull’ towards someone who has their Sun in your 7th house. Some astrologers assert that 7th house overlays can lead to co-dependency but I think it depends on the individuals involved.
Sun in partners 8th house
This can be an intense but highly transformative overlay. The Sun person often triggers a great deal of transformation within the house person (even if they are unaware of this). The Sun person can illuminate or bring attention to issues that are related to death, transformation, shared resources, taxes, and psychology, in the house persons life. In a romantic relationship, this can cause a great deal of sexual attraction. However, I would also look for 8th house overlays of Mars, Venus, and the Ascendant when it comes to sexual attraction that involves the 8th house. Furthermore, 8th house overlays are rarely ‘easy’ as they often evoke extreme feelings, reactions, and emotions. However, they can be deeply intimate and binding. It can be hard for the 8th house person to let the Sun person go. These two can connect on an exceptionally intimate level (both emotionally and physically). One person may even introduce the other to matters/mediums that are related to the occult or healing.
Sun in partners 9th house
The house person tends to learn a lot from the Sun person with this overlay. They may even idealize them or place them on a pedestal at times. The house persons belief systems and worldly views may change or solidify when they are around the Sun person. This is a very expansive overlay. Topics related to higher education, foreign travel, philosophy, and politics can frequently emerge. Adventure, exploration, education, and travel are key themes here. The Sun person can stimulate the house persons desire for travel and expansion. The world is their oyster. They tend to expand each other’s worldviews and challenge each other’s deeply held beliefs. They can spend a lot of time discussing religion, politics, foreign affairs etc.. (especially if this is accompanied by a 9th house Mercury overlay).
Sun in partners 10th house
This is often a good overlay if two people want to do business together. However, in a romantic context, the Sun person can motivate the house person to achieve all of their career goals and aspirations. In some cases, the Sun person can often show a lot of interest in the house persons career, status, and reputation. The Sun person may even take pride in being associated with the house person. There can be a great deal of admiration and/or respect generated with this overlay. At times, this overlay can have a superficial quality to it, as one or both people may be more concerned about how the other person enhances their reputation or status. However, if both people are exceptionally career or goal-oriented, this can be an overlay that brings them even closer.
Sun in partners 11th house
The 11th house is the house of gains, networks, friendships, worldly aspirations, and communities. With this overlay, a friendship can form between the two people. 11th house overlays tend to produce dynamics in which two people are very tolerant and accepting of each other. These two may eventually integrate their social circles or introduce each other to their respective friends. In some cases, the desire to participate in humanitarian work together can emerge. Although 11th house overlays are not seen as traditionally ‘romantic overlays’ , I actually have observed that they are often present in many long-term relationships (same with 9th house overlays), as the relationship is primarily built on a sense of mutual friendship and camaraderie. Both people are inclined to be tolerant of each other’s quirks and eccentricities with this overlay. The Sun person can introduce the house person to influential groups or networks .
Sun in partners 12th house
12th house overlays are always very interesting in synastry. Their most positive manifestations can denote a highly spiritual, forgiving, and compassionate bond between two people. However if the planet receives many difficult aspects , there may be elements of mistrust, illusions, confusion or even deception. When someone’s Sun falls into another persons 12th house, they can make the house person aware of their personal “blind spots”. One or both people may have to make some personal sacrifices to make the relationship work. In some cases, the Sun person can serve as a spiritual mentor to the house person. Individuals who are very spiritual often remark how 12th house synastry (or a significant transit to the 12th house) triggered their spiritual awakening. Moreover, there can be elements of fantasy or illusion that accompany 12th house overlays. You don’t always see people who have planets in your 12th house clearly. However, you can feel a very deep and ‘otherworldly’ connection to them. If both people are willing to do the work and have made piece with their shadow-sides, 12th house overlays can be incredibly intimate and spiritually healing.
Chart readings are still open for those who are interested! The link is in my bio :)
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lilsmv1 · 11 days
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orange cat - OP81
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Pairing: Oscar Piastri x reader
Summary: What happens your neighbour's adorable orange cat starts to pay you daily visits?
Word count: 1k
London welcomed me with its perpetually gray skies and damp weather, a stark contrast to the sunny shores of California I had left behind. As I settled into my new apartment, I couldn't help but feel a pang of homesickness for the warmth of home.
For the first few weeks, I hardly saw my neighbours, lost in the shuffle of unpacking and adjusting to my new surroundings. But one persistent visitor soon made himself known – a vibrant orange cat that would perch itself on my windowsill, peering into my living room with curious eyes.
At first, I found it amusing, but as the days went by and the cat became a regular fixture, I grew concerned. Surely, someone must be missing their furry friend. So, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
I scribbled a quick note on a yellow post-it, explaining the situation and tucking it under my neighbor's door. "Your cat seems to be visiting me often," I wrote. "Just wanted to let you know in case you're worried."
Days passed, and I received no response. I wondered if my neighbor had even seen the note or if they simply didn't care about their wandering pet.
But then, one evening, there was a soft knock on my door.
Opening the door, I found myself face to face with a handsome young man, his expression sheepish yet friendly. He held a small box in his hands, the smell of freshly baked pastries wafting from within.
"Hey, sorry to bother you," he began, his accent unmistakably Australian. "I'm Oscar, your neighbor from next door. I just wanted to apologize for my cat bothering you. And, well, to say thank you for looking out for him."
I couldn't help but smile at his genuine demeanor. "No problem at all, your cat is lovely, I was simply worried you might wonder where he was" I replied, accepting the box of pastries. "I'm glad to finally meet you, Oscar" I replied, introducing myself as well.
"Do you maybe wanna come in? I can make us some tea or coffee and we could eat the pastries you brought?" I added.
"I would love that!" replied Oscar with a warm smile.
From that moment on, Oscar and I struck up an unexpected friendship. We bonded over our shared love for his cat and baked goods, finding comfort in each other in the big city of London, so far from our respective homes. Oscar told me all about his work as a Formula One driver, and I could not help but be in awe of how passionate he was. I, on the other end, told him about the teaching opportunity that got me to move here, and I would often tell him cute stories from my classroom.
As weeks turned into months, our friendship deepened. Oscar proved to be not only a generous neighbor but also a reliable friend. Whether it was helping me fix a leaky faucet or lending a hand with heavy groceries, he was always there when I needed him.
Our weekly movie nights, whenever Oscar wasn't out of the country, became a cherished tradition, a welcome break from our everyday lives. We'd take turns picking films, debating over classics and hidden gems late into the night.
But amidst the laughter and camaraderie, I couldn't ignore the growing feeling in my chest whenever I saw Oscar. He was kind, funny, and undeniably attractive – qualities that drew me in despite my best efforts to keep my distance.
One day, as I scrolled through Twitter during a lazy afternoon, I stumbled upon something that caught me off guard. Pictures of Oscar, smiling brightly alongside a beautiful girl with long blonde hair.
A pang of jealousy shot through me, surprising in its intensity. I realised then, with startling clarity, that my feelings for Oscar ran deeper than I had initially thought. But it was too late – I was now pretty sure he was already taken, and I had no right to interfere.
Unable to shake off my newfound jealousy, I began to distance myself from Oscar, avoiding our usual interactions and retreating into solitude. But my sudden coldness did not go unnoticed.
One evening, there was a sharp knock on my door, and when I opened it, there stood Oscar, his expression a mixture of frustration and concern.
"What's going on with you?" he demanded, his voice tinged with hurt. "You've been acting strange lately, and I want to know why."
"I'm not" I replied defensively.
"Come on, don't give me that bullshit" replied a rather angry Oscar. "You've been avoiding me. Have I done something?" he asked, his voice laced with vulnerability.
I hesitated, the weight of my emotions heavy in the air between us. But then, with a surge of courage, I found myself blurting out the truth.
"I... I think I'm in love with you, Oscar," I confessed, my voice barely above a whisper. "And seeing you with someone else... it hurts more than I thought it would."
For a moment, there was silence, the tension palpable. But then, to my surprise, Oscar stepped forward, his eyes burning with intensity.
"God, you can be so dense sometimes" he breathed
"Hum, excuse me?" I replied, clearly offended.
"The girl you're talking about, that's my new PR manager."
"Oh..."
"I thought I was being fairly obvious as to how I feel about you." he said softly, reaching out to cup my face in his hands.
And with that, he closed the distance between us, his lips meeting mine in a heated and passionate kiss, leaving me breathless.
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samandcolbyownme · 1 month
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Summary: Reader accepts Zach's invitation about coming onto the podcast, despite going through a hard time. 
Warnings: there won't be smut in this (I can always do a part 2), but there will sexual innuendos and other things that make it feel like it belongs in this book, kinda sad beginning, swearing, joking around, reader is good friends with Zach and Jared, reader feeling sad/down, long distance relationship? possible angst? 
I will be using some actual dialogue from their videos, but most of it will be from me. 
Word count: 6.3k | not edited
╔═══━━━─── • ───━━━═══╗
It's been a few weeks since you and Sam sat down and had a long discussion about your relationship. 
You both agreed that it was best you "cut things off'' until things start to settle down - but you both didn't know when that was going to happen. 
No matter how hard you tried, your schedules were always packed. You were flying to one state on the other side of the county. 
Sam was flying to the opposite. 
It didn't really make sense, because things really didn't change romantically, you still said I love you. You still FaceTimed when you could. 
It's just, everything was always over the phone. 
Through texts, phone calls, pictures. 
You haven't seen each other since the night Sam left with Colby to do their overseas haunted tour thing that they've been planning for months. 
That was three weeks ago, and it's killing you - both. 
You both agreed that you need to give both of your lives all you got, and that's where it made sense. Putting your careers first, getting ahead so you have time to plan out the future together. 
You hated it. Absolutely despised it, but you truly believed that if your love was real, and you truly believed it was.. 
It will always contain the habit of coming back. 
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You hugged Sam tight, not wanting to let him go. His arms stayed around you, chin rested on your head as he basked in the last moments you had together before he had to fly to Romania. 
Then to Spain. 
Then Ireland. 
It was going to be non stop. 
"Hey." Sam whispers, "I love you." You sniffle, mumbling into his chest, "I love you." He slides an arm over your shoulder, tilting your tear soaked face up to look at him. 
He smiles slightly, biting his lip to hold back his own tears, "I don't care how complicated things gets. I still want you." 
You nod, "Always your girl." 
He kisses your forehead, "Always my girl." 
You can tell he nods, meaning Colby has signaled him, and you let out a sigh, "Let me know when you land." 
"You know I'll update you any chance I get." He pulls you into a hug, squeezing tight, "I love you. I love you so much." 
You try your hardest not to cry, but you can't help it and sob into his chest, "I love you." 
He cups your cheek, kissing you deeply before leaning back, "I don't want to, but I gotta go."
"Go." You smile, "But don't have too much fun." You laugh slightly before it quickly turns into crying again and you fight it, "I'm sorry." 
He shakes his head, "Never be sorry." He kisses you one last time, "Wait for me." 
You nod, turning around to see Colby standing behind you, "Safe travels." You reach up, wrapping your arms around Colby's neck and he hugs you tight, "It'll be okay." 
You nod, leaning back, "I know." You wipe your face, watching as Sam and Colby walk towards the gate. 
Sam smiles slightly, giving you one last wave before he walks through. 
Once he's out of your sight, you cover your face, absolutely breaking down and you didn't care that it was in the middle of the airport. 
Your friend walks up, wrapping her arms around you, "You guys are inevitable." 
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"I have to go in like ten minutes, we're getting ready to head to our next place." Sam says from the other end of the phone. 
You pout totally forgetting about the time difference, "Okay." 
"Hey " Sam tilts his head, "Don't do that." 
"I'm not doing anything. I've mastered waiting until we hang up." You laugh and he sighs, "Girl. You're going to kill me." 
"If I was going to do that, I would have done it before you left." 
You've been coping with jokes and humor. You were still absolutely dying inside with not being able to lay with him. Kiss him. Hug him. 
It was still eating away at you, but, as said, you've just mastered it with humor. 
"Part of me wishes you did." Sam mumbles with a laugh, "This is hell." 
You sigh quietly, sitting up as you rest your chin in the palm of your hand, "I know." You smile as you think about what your friend said, "But just remember that we're inevitable." 
"Damn right." Sam smiles and you hear Colby yell at him, "Alright, enough with the phone sex. The car's here." 
You laugh as you watch Sam's mouth drop and he pans his phone over his fully clothed in layers body, "Does it look like I have my d-" 
"I don't need to know what nasty shit you guys are in to." Colby laughs and you sigh, "Alright. I love you." 
You see the phone get ripped out of Sam's hand and Colby's face appears suuuper close to the camera, "I love you, too." 
You shake your head, laughing, "oh my god." 
Sam gets his phone back and he smiles, "Talk later?" 
You nod, "You know it. Be safe. Good luck!" 
Sam smiles, "Yes ma'am." He salutes you, "Alright, I love you." You smile, "I love you." 
The call ends and you feel that sudden rush of, once gated, emotions hit you all at once. You fall into the bed, specifically on Sam's side and take a deep shaky breath, "Fuck." 
You lay a pillow over your face and lay there for a second, taking yourself down from crying. 
Your phone dings and you hesitate for a second before you toss the pillow next to you and search for your phone. 
A laugh leaves your lips as you see a message from your friend, Zach Justice, Hey sweet cheeks. Come on the podcast. 
You click on it, typing out, oh now you want me to come on? 
You take a screenshot and send it to Sam. You stare up at the ceiling as you wait for a response from either one, trying to convince yourself that what you're going through, is going to benefit your future with Sam. 
Together. 
You bring your phone up, rolling your eyes at Zach's response, Not so much me, but the people in the comments. Your name is infesting every video I post. 
Infesting? That's a.. weird way of putting it lol. I'll see if I can squeeze you in to fit in my busy, busy schedule. 
Your friendship with Zach has always been playful banter, ever since you met, but he's always there for you. 
You haven't said anything to him, or Jared, about your current situation with Sam, but you know that just going on the podcast would definitely help you get through this easier. 
You bring your phone back up and laugh as what Zach had to say, So kind of you to consider hanging out with me. 
You laugh, I know, I can be sooo nice. I'll come if you buy me a plane ticket. 
And pick me up from the airport, with donuts. 
You see the message change from delivered to read and his face pops up on your screen. You take a deep breath and hit answer, "You couldn't have just texted me?" 
"Donuts you say? You must be really going through it." 
You laugh, "You have no idea." 
"Does this have anything to do with Sam?" He raises his brows when you don't answer him and he hums, "Thought so." 
"We're.. together but we're not together? If that makes any kind of sense. I don't know. We both agreed that our schedules are too much for us to be labeled as a couple right now, so we just, agreed to put more focus on the business of our lives?" You shake your head, "I'm just.. feeling a lot." 
"Yeah, you're totally coming on the podcast." He laughs, "I'll get your plane ticket." You can tell he's focused on something else and you laugh, "I was joking. I can get my-"
"Done." 
"Zach." You laugh, "I don't even know when I'm free." 
"Well, you better be free next Thursday." He smiles, giving you a wink, "See you then." 
"Don't.. wink at me. That's weird." 
"Ugh" he groans dramatically, "Sorry." He smiles, "See you next Thursday, I'll send you the deats." He winks and hangs up before you can yell at him again. 
You see a message from Sam and your attention shifts as you read what he says, You should definitely do it, babe. I think it would be good for you. 
You tap the screen, Zach really didn't give me a choice. He bought my plan ticket for me already so now I have to move stuff around, but I agree. 
Your eyes move up to the time, groaning lowly as you realize just how late it is. You remembered you have a meeting for a brand deal within the next four hours, so you reach over, turning off your lights so you can try and get at least a little bit of sleep. 
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Why'd he have to get such an early flight, you think as you zip your suitcase closed. You lift it off the bed and set it upright on the floor before replacing the spot on the bed with your body. 
The last two days, Sam and Colby have been camping in a place they don't have service, so you haven't talked to him. 
Your phone dings and you lift in hopes that it's Sam, but it's Zach, On your way to the airport? 
You laugh quietly, You act like you're exited to see me or something, but soon. Waiting on my friend to get here to take me. 
Your friend texts you, letting you know that she's there and you get a move on, pulling the handle from your case and wheeling it behind you as you walk out to the living room. 
She comes in, "You ready?" 
You look over at her, "Yeah I just have to grab my headphones, they've been charging." She nods, "You doing okay?" 
You shrug, "I mean, yeah. For the most part." You laugh slightly, "As good as I can be." 
"Where did he say they were camping again?" She crosses her arms and you look at her, "Some.. demonic forest? I have no idea. If I don't hear from him by tomorrow I'm sending a search and rescue team." 
She laughs, "No I don't blame you." She walks over, grabbing the handle of your bag as you stuff your headphones into your carry on, "I know how Zach is, and he's a jokester.. are you going to be alright?" 
You nod, "I talked to Zach about everything last week, I told him that joking is my way to cope, so I gave him the green light." 
"I can't wait for this to come out. I just know it's going to be better than the others." She laughs and you nod, "Oh you know it." 
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
Walking into the airport was almost like you were reliving that day with Sam all over again. Luckily, you had to go to a different gate in a different part of the building, which really made it a lot easier in the long run. 
"Well. I'll see ya in a day or two." You lean in, hugging your friend, "Thank you." 
She squeezes you, "Don't need to thank me. Have a good flight." 
You nod, "I'll try. I'll text you when I land." 
You turn, walking up to the lady to hand her your ticket. She smiles, "Hi, y/n. I have to tell you, my daughter is a huge fan of yours." 
"Awe." You smile, "You'll have to tell her I said thank you.
The lady nods, "I will." She smiles, "Safe travels, y/n." 
You smile and walk in, turning back to wave to your friend before boarding the plane. 
You sit down in your seat, checking your phone to see if Sam texted - but no message. You sigh, unfolding your headphones and slipping them over your ears. 
You've been on enough planes to know the routine. 
After pressing play for your music to play, you send a quick text to Zach, letting him know that you boarded and should be there in about two to three hours. 
Your flight feels longer than it should be. It felt like time was dragging by as slow as it could possibly go. 
But once you land and are able to exit, you practically bolt to the baggage claim. 
I got my bags, where are you? 
You look around, waiting to either see Zach or hear back from him. 
Moments later, he texts, Standing in front of the Starbucks. Someone didn't send me their gate number so I figured I'd treat myself to cheer myself up. 
You laugh, grabbing your bag as you type with your thumb, you're ridiculous, did you at least get me one? 
Zach replies, No why would I do that? 
You roll your eyes and walk to the Starbucks, smiling as you see him holding two coffees, "You did in fact do that." 
He turns, smiling as he opens his arms to hug you, "Yeah yeah, don't ruin it."
You step back, taking the coffee he hands you, "Ready?" He nods, "right this way, sweet cheeks." 
"You just going to keep coming up with new nicknames each time you talk to me?" You laugh and he stares at you, "Um, yeah. That's what I've been doing? Right?" 
You roll your eyes, "What are you going to do when you run out of nicknames? Recycle the old ones." 
He laughs, "Boy are you funny. Listen here." He stops pointing to his head and you tilt your head as you watch him tap his temple, "This baby can go for miles. Don't ever underestimate me." 
You hold your hand up in defense, "Message received, sweet cheeks." 
He gives you a look, trying not to laugh and he sighs, "Not cool." He laughs, turning to lead you to his car. 
The ride to the house was filled with small talk, mainly catching up and what not since it's been over a year since you've seen him last. 
Once there, you're greeted by Jared and Alyssa with hugs. 
"How was the flight?" Jared asks and you shrug with a laugh, "Long."
"Did you do your hair recently? It's so pretty." Alyssa plays with a stand and you nod, "Yeah I went after a meeting last week. I figured I needed a change or something." 
"You know, I think I seen it on Instagram." She laughs and Zach rolls his eyes, "girl talk, yuck. I'm not doing this." He walks over to sit down and puts his headphones on. 
He motions to the empty chair, "Are we doing this?" 
"I still don't have a choice do I?" You laugh and Zach sighs, "Now you're finally getting it."
You set your stuff down, walking over to sit on the red seat. You put your headphones on and look around as Jared and Alyssa get settled in. 
"We good?" Zach asks and looks at everyone, and you all nod. 
"What's up guys. Welcome to one ninety six of Dropouts." Zach starts in a loud, cheery sing songy tone, "Were here with the guest you've all been waiting for..." 
Jared gives Zach a drum roll and Zach looks at you, "Miss Y/n y/l/n." 
"Hi everybody." You smile, "Just to let everyone know, Zach didn't give me a choice to do this, so everyone should go flood his comments-" 
"No, cut that out. We're cutting that out." Zach tries not to laugh, "Listen. It only took how long for you to finally get here?" 
"She's a very busy girl, Zach." Jared laughs, "Speaking of.. Did I, or did I not, see that you're going to be on the next cover of vogue?" 
"You guys heard about that?" You smile and look at Alyssa and she claps for you, "Powerful woman." 
You smile and look at Zach, "Jealous?" 
Zach raises his brows, "That I'm not a woman? Please. I don't need anymore problems." He takes a deep breath, "Anyway. Besides that, I want to ask you a very serious question." 
You time your head, "That could be anything.." 
Zach fights back a smirk, "You seen, two or three episodes back that we had.. Sam, and Colby on here, right." 
Jared laughs, "Zach, where are you going with this?" 
"No where. Well. I mean." He laughs, "Somewhere, but just, wait. We aren't there yet." 
"Clearly." You and Alyssa say at the same time and you both laugh. 
Zach points between the two of you, "See. This is why I don't like having them both here, they like tag team me and not in the way any man would want to happen, ya feel me?" 
You roll your eyes, "Sam and Colby, your question." You laugh when he looks at you and he smirks, "You and Sam.. getting down and dirty yeah?" 
You laugh, "If you want to put it that way, I mean. Yeah, but not like.. recently." 
"Why's that?" Zach rubs his chin with his fingers and you shrug, "in the words of Jared, she's a very busy girl, Zach." 
"Mm, okay." He raises his brows and shakes his head, "Now another question I have for you.. and don't get mad at me for asking this, because if I'm correct, they confirmed this when they were here." 
You raise your brows, knowing exactly where this is going, "Mhm." 
"Did Sam leave the states to be with Colby officially because, now, this is what I was told, you threatened to turn Colby into a spirit himself?" Zach leans back and you stare at him for a few second before laughing, "Oh my god." 
"That's.." Jared laughs, "Who did you hear that from?" 
Zach makes a face, "Oh so now you're going to sit there and pretend like that isn't what you told me last night?" 
"Whoa, okay. No. Y/n. I didn't-" Jared laughs and Zach cuts in, "Oh, see. He can't deny it. His face is as red as the seats and he's starting to smell because he's so full of it." 
"What the fuck." Jared rolls his eyes and you sigh, leaning in towards the mic, "For the record, I have never threatened to turn Colby into a spirit." 
"But you aren't denying that they're married?" Zach tilts his head, pointing his finger at you, "But even then, you'd have to ward off Colby because I'm sure his spirit will just attach to Sam." 
"No that's little girl spirits." Jared laughs, emphasizing again, "Spirits. We've been over this with them. Please don't take that the wrong way." 
"Anyway." Zach shakes his head, "When's the last time you talked to either one of them?" 
You sigh, "Oh gosh. This will be day three, but I've already said, if I don't hear from him by the end of today I'm sending in a search and rescue team for their asses." 
"Oh gosh, that just.. wow." Zach sighs, "Can I just.. that just brought up something very serious and I need to say it, like right now." 
"Or what you'll explode?" Alyssa asks causing you and Jared to laugh. Zach looks over at her, "Can you just shut up for two seconds, I have something important I need to say." 
Alyssa raises her hands, fighting back her laughter. 
Zach looks at you and he takes a deep breath, "Now this.. might be hard for you to hear, as well for everyone else watching and, or listening.. but.." he looks into the camera, "If you wanna see me go retrieve Sam and Colby from." He pauses and looks at you, "Where are they right now?" 
You fight back laughter, "Camping in some demonic forest." 
He picks right back up, "Camping in a demonic forest, subscribe to the Patreon, you can see all of that plus stuff that's already happened." 
"You're.. insufferable." Jared shakes his head as he looks down and Zach just shrugs, "People like them. And if they know that I'm willing to help them, they'll like me, too. Okay. Moving on."
"So you literally got in today? Like your flight." Zach asks and you just stare at him. He cracks a smile, "What?"
"You're literally the one who picked her up from the airport, Zach." Jared laughs and you gasp, "Oh, and he brought me donuts like I said to last week and a coffee at the airport while he was waiting for me." 
"Hey hey hey." Zach says quickly, "Don't be telling everyone lies. You know I spit in your coffee before I gave it to you." 
"That's atrocious, Dude. What the fuck." Jared closes his eyes and shakes his head. You stare at Zach, "No you didn't." Zach shrugs, "The world may never know." 
"I don't know if I believe him, because I can totally see him doing that, just like to fuck with someone close to him." You laugh, "Oh god, I drank all of that, too. Did you really do that?" 
Zach sighs, nodding his head as he speaks, "No, I didn't." 
"See!" You point to him laughing, "You're a child."
Zach laughs, "Yeah and you're the queen of England." He pretends like he's using a gavel, "Case closed. So. Back to Sam and Colby.. Since you're so close with them, like have you gone on any investigations with them?"  
"I used to. Like right before my channel took off, I would go with them maybe twice a month?" You answer and Zach nods, "Is that why your channel blew up?" 
You can tell he's asking something that does relate to being touched or spoken to by a ghost, "Are you-" 
"Yes." Zach cuts you off and you laugh, "No. I didn't sell my soul. I'm pretty sure it's still there, I mean I don't know how to check but." 
Zach reaches over and feels your wrist, "Still there." 
"Zach." Jared bursts out laughing, "that's her pulse man, not her soul." 
Zach shrugs, "You never know. She may have turned into some sort of succubus demon thing that doesn't have a pulse but she has one. She's good." 
You roll your eyes and you can feel your phone vibrating in the pocket of your sweatpants, "I'm getting a call." 
"That the devil calling, he wants to return your souls." Zach says and you laugh, "That was good." You pull your phone out, not even hiding your happiness when you see Sam's name, "It's Sam." 
You push your one headphone off your ear and bring your phone up, "hey!" 
"We just got to service, are you okay?" Sam asks and you keep smiling, "Yeah I'm actually doing the podcast right now."
"Oh fuck, right now? I'm sorry." Sam says and you shake your head, "No, you're fine, how was it?" 
You look over at Zach and he wiggles his fingers, "Put him on speaker." You hold up one finger and continue to listen to Sam speak, "I'll have to FaceTime you later and show you. It was pretty nuts." 
"Oh god, yeah I'm sure. Zach wants me to put you on speaker so I'm going to do that here in a second." You take the phone away and tap the button, "Okay." 
"Is y/n a succubus?" Zach asks straight away, obviously catching Sam off guard, "What.. the fuck?" He laughs, "Is she a what?" 
"A demon. I mean I checked her pulse and she has one so I think we're good, but I figured I'd check in with the main ghost hunter because you'd know her better than any of us." 
"What kind of things are you talking about on the podcast?" Sam laughs and Zach sighs, "I guess you'll just have to wait and see when the video comes out." 
"Um.. okay." Sam laughs and you take him off speaker, "You're off speaker, now." 
"Yeah so give it to her good, Sammy my boy." Zach yells and you roll your eyes as Sam laughs, "There's something wrong with him." 
"Oh I know. But according to him, his brain can go for miles." 
"Y/n. What did I say about telling my secrets." Zach shakes his head and you shrug, "Sorry, that must have been the devil taking over." 
Zach raises his eyebrows, "Clearly." He nods, "Ask Sam if he got my text, since they now have service and what not." 
You relay the message and Sam takes a second to check, "Oh yeah, I got it." 
You nod to Zach, "Yeah, he got it." Zach nods, fighting back a smirk, "Cool, cool." 
"Why are you acting like that?" Jared asks and Zach tilts his head, "What do you mean?" Jared looks from him to you, "You're being.. more weird than usual." 
"I have my meter for weirdness and it sits right here." Zach holds his hand up, "and I haven't gone above that level since... Mm. Let say. Tuesday?"
"What's going on?" Sam asks and you laugh, "Oh Zach and Jared are arguing. Normal stuff, you know." 
Sam laughs, "Oh yeah. Typical." You hear him sigh and you know what's about to happen so you cut him off before he can say anything, "Talk later?" 
"You know it. I love you." Sam says and you smile, looking down, "I love you." 
The call ends and you look up, "Alright." 
"Alright, now we can get on with other things." Zach claps his hands together, "Are we still going out after this?" 
You raise your brows, "Out?"
Zach furrows his brows and looks from Jared to Alyssa, "Is your guy's stuff acting up?" He motions to his headphones and they both shake their heads no.
"Mines good, why is yours?" Jared asks and Zach shakes his head, "No, I'm just trying to make sure that y/n can hear me alright because out is exactly what I said." 
You roll your eyes, "Oh my god. Shut the fuck up." 
"I didn't know if you could hear me okay or not, was just double checking, jeeze. No need to be so aggressive." Zach tries not to laugh and you shake your head, knowing that no matter how much you try and talk yourself out of it, you'll still be going out. 
So you just sit back and accept your fate. 
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
Almost two hours later, the podcast comes to a close and you set your headphones down on the bench, "Is it just me, or did that podcast feel like it went longer than normal?" 
You look between Zach, Jared, and Alyssa. 
"I don't think it felt any different." Jared shakes his head and shrugs. Alyssa nods, "I think it went over just a little bit, but not much." 
You nod and Zach stands up, "That jet lag must be really doing a number on you." 
You shrug, "I don't know, but are we at least getting dinner because I haven't eaten since this morning."
"You are such a cry baby. Let's go." Zach laughs as he walks away and you scoff, following him out the door. 
You all pile into the car and start driving to the restaurant, "So where was Tara?" You ask leaning forward, "I texted her but I haven't gotten any answer from her." 
"She's like, really sick." Zach says, "I called her this morning and it sounded like she swallowed her phone." 
"Oh god, if she sounds that bad then she's probably sleeping it off." You lean back, looking down at your phone, "So what did you and Sam talk about?" 
You look up at Zach and he looks back at you in the rear view, "When did your name change to Nelly because you're awfully nosey." 
You laugh, "Fine then don't tell me. I'm sure he'll tell me anyway." 
"Yeah, he probably will." Zach turns into the parking lot and you roll your eyes, accepting that reverse psychology doesn't work on him. 
As you get out, you check your phone. You let out a sigh and slip it into your pocket before closing the door. 
"I don't know much about the situation.." Alyssa says as she walks over to you, ".. but I know that you and Sam are major endgame if you ask me." 
You smile, "Thanks. I just.. we talked about putting pause on our relationship and it's just so hard because the only thing that really changed was us making time for each other. I mean, it didn't really happen much lately anyway, but the fact that we just cut it all out in one shot.." you sigh, "I hate it." 
She nods, "I'm sure it's rough, but you both have great careers, and I promise that it'll work out in the end. It might not seem like it now, but it will." 
"Thank you." You take a deep breath, "I actually needed that." 
She smiles and rubs your back, "Come on, Zach is probably in there bitching." 
You laugh and roll your eyes, "Probably." 
You walk into the restaurant, making your way to the table that Jared and Zach are sitting at and Zach looks up, "So they didn't get kidnapped." 
"You can't get rid of us that easily." You laugh as you sit down, "So what's good here?" You look over at Alyssa and she explains some of her favorite dishes. 
Throughout dinner, you caught yourself checking your phone and your sadness grew each time you seen zero notifications from Sam. 
At this point, you wanted to go to a hotel and just sleep off your day. 
But that wasn't happening. 
"Why do you look more miserable than normal?" Zach asks and you look up at him, laughing slightly, "I'm just.. getting really tired." 
Wasn't a full lie. 
"Uh huh. Well you better wake up, because where we're going next will get your mind off, being tired." He tilts his head and you roll your eyes, "I hate that you know me." 
"You secretly love it. Now come on." He stands up, along with you and everyone else and you make your way out to the car. 
You're quiet for the most part, except for when they force you to join in on conversation. 
"When did you hear about Vogue?" Alyssa asks and you can't help but smirk, "I found out a few days ago. I kind of just waited, kept it to myself. It really didn't hit until Jared asked me about it." 
"So wait, the post that they made with your picture titled the next face of vogue didn't make it set in?" Jared asks and you shrug, "honestly, no." 
You laugh and sigh, "How much longer?" 
"We're here." Zach replies and you nod, looking out the window at the building, "So is this like a bar scene? I'm not dressed for that." You joke and Alyssa laughs, "You look fine, trust me. Your sweats were the way to go." 
"I am super comfortable." You laugh as you get out, not even bothering to check your phone. 
You follow them in, handing the bouncer your ID, letting him check it before making your way in. 
The music is loud and it's filled with a few faces that you've met before, not anyone you're really willing to sit down and have a conversation with, though. 
You walk up to the bar, ordering your drink as Alyssa does the same. 
"So don't.." she laughs, "Don't tell Zach I told you this, I mean, he'd kill me if he knew you knew this.." she pauses and you nod, smiling, "secret is safe with me." 
She leans in, "Zach is actually worried about you. He's afraid that you're working yourself too much and now he's worried that this whole Sam situation will break you." 
You're actually kind of surprised, but at the same time, you're not, "I kind of thought that when he called me that night instead of just texting me.. but I'm actually really happy to hear that from someone who's close to him each day." 
You take your drink, laying down your money, "keep the change." 
Alyssa does the same and looks to you, "Just let him think that he's doing something you don't know about. I don't want him firing me." 
"I won't let that happen." You laugh, "Thank you." 
She nods and you walk back towards Zach and Jared. Right as you walk up, Zach stands up and walks way, phone pressed to his ear and he doesn't say a word. 
You furrow your brows and point to him, "What was that all about?" 
Jared sighs, "Last minute cancellation for the podcast. He's not taking it good." 
"Oh gosh, who was it?" You sit down and Jared looks to Alyssa before he leans in, "Don't say anything, but it was the triplets." 
"Chris, Nick, and Matt?" You raise your brows, "Why'd they cancel?" 
Jared shrugs, "No idea, that's what Zach is trying to figure out." You pout, "oh gosh, I have Chris' number. I can text him and see-" 
"Alright. We're good to go." Zach comes back and sits down. You look over at him, "So the triplets are coming on? They're not canceling?" 
He looks between Jared and Alyssa before tilting his head, "You're not supposed to know.. so just.." he lowers his hand in reference to you lowering your voice and you nod, "Ahh." You lower your voice, "Gotcha." 
You sip your drink and pull your phone from your pocket as you feel it vibrate, "Oh. It's Tara." 
"What did she say?" Zach says and you read over her text, "Sorry I couldn't make it to the podcast. I was super sick this morning. I just now woke up, but I'm feeling a lot better, are you still in town? Would love to meet up with you before you leave again." 
"What's the name of this place? I'm going to text her where I'm at." You look up and Jared tells you the name before you shoot her back a text. 
"She said she'll be here in an hour." You put your phone back in your pocket and look down at your empty glass, "I'll be right back." 
You get up, walking up to the bar to get another drink.
"Are you okay?" Zach asks and you look over at him, "Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?" He shrugs, "I'm just.. asking. Jeeze. Can't a guy just ask a girl if she's okay?" 
You fight back a smirk, knowing that he really cares, "Yes, Zach. I'm fine, and you.. and Alyssa and Jared have all helped me get through the day without crying." 
"Good, because I really don't think I could handle you crying.." Zach laughs slightly, "Tara said she'll be here in an hour?" 
You nod, "Yeah, she has to get ready first, I guess." 
He nods, "Of course she does." 
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
"Mm." You set your glass down, "Tara's here." 
"She is?" Jared asks shocked and you look at him funny, "That's what I just said, isn't it?" 
Jared tilts his head, "You've been around Zach for too long." He laughs and stands up, "I'll go get her." 
"No I will. I haven't seen her in so long." You stand up, but the three follow you out anyway. You glance behind you, laughing slightly as you shake your head. 
You make your way to the door and look around, "Where is she?" 
You get a text from Tara, Patio, sorry I saw someone else I haven't seen in a while. 
You look at Zach, "She's on the patio." 
"To the patio we go." He points, leading you down the side of the building. You round the corner, seeing Tara standing there with a huge smile, "Ahh!" She yells as she runs towards you, "I've missed you!" 
"Hey!" You yell and hug her, "I've missed you!" You lean back, "You look so good!" 
"Same for you miss cover of vogue!" She pushes your shoulder, "How fucking amazing is that?!" 
You nod, "Pretty amazing." 
You feel a hand on your shoulder and you think it's just Zach pulling you away to pick on Tara, but when you turn, your heart falls into your stomach, "No fu-fucking way." 
Sam is standing there, a huge smile on his face, "I couldn't go without seeing you anymore." He pulls you in for a hug, face buried into your neck and the tears you've been holding in all damn day are finally let loose. 
"Hey. Hey, hey." He lays a hand on your head, shushing you quietly, "It's okay." He turns his head, pressing a kiss to your cheek, "I'm here." 
You're glued to him. You want to let go so you can lean back and look at him but your body just wants to hold him. 
"I'm taking time off. I'm traveling with you. I want to be with you." Sam whispers and you lean your head back, just enough to look at him, "Really?" 
He nods, "Really. You're more important than anything in the world. We're making this work. I'm going to make it work." 
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
The end feels kind of rushed, and I promised you guys this yesterday, but I've been battling a migraine attack non stop for the last four days, so I just wanted to get something out. 
A part 2 (with smut) is definitely in the brain for this, you know when I can get it to stop working against me. 
But as always, let me know how you liked it. Thanks for reading. I love you all! 🖤
likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!
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flicklikesstuff · 3 months
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Idk if anyone else has noticed this but no one brought it up so…..
Remember how Viv said that Husk refuses to embrace his demon form and thus, doesn’t use his wings often for flight?
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And yeah, we never see Husk fly at all prior to Ep 8. In Ep 3, we see him sneak away from the battle exercise, despite the fact that if Vaggie really did throw him, he could’ve easily just flown and skipped it. But he didn’t. And at least we know why.
(Hence, I just have this headcanon that Husk just secretly never knew how to properly fly ever since he first arrived.
Because he felt like he didn’t need to. He had his powers and can handle himself. He used to be a powerful Overlord. And even now, he’s currently under Alastor’s ‘protection.’ Basically, just never really found a reason to learn it, couldn’t be bothered, and simply just because….He doesn’t wanna.)
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But then the threat of the extermination came and everything he grew to care about was at risk. And what does he do?
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He flies.
For the hotel. For his friends.
He even went to see if his bf Angel’s alright. What a sweetie :))
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Since Husk presumably doesn’t do flying a lot usually, it makes sense his back would hurt so much from the excessive strain his wings had to do all of a sudden. He’s not used to this much of flying. Heck, even his poor wings completely drooped to the floor!
He literally gave his back out for his friends- :((
This is going to delve a little bit into headcanon territory from this point onwards. You don’t have to read down if you’re not interested. ⬇️
……..
So Personal Headcanon:
I like to think that in Ep 7, while Vaggie is away with Carmilla and Charlie with Alastor, the other 4 were up to their own shenanigans off screen.
I honestly thought their friendship didn’t get to develop as much as I wanted it to. Especially the interactions with Sir Pentious and Niffty weren’t a lot. The series just established them as close friends and expects us to just take it as word but didn’t really show it much. Maybe Pentious’ death would hit harder if we actually saw him get closer to the others rather than being made fun of all the time.
Anyways, back to the HC, these 4 bonded some more while boarding the place. (Awww, all without being told by Charlie).
And since they knew they’re going to be up against FLYING angels, Angel commented that Husk’s wings can be put to good use for once, rather than just being displayed.
Husk was insecure and got defensive at first, eventually sheepishly admitting he doesn’t know how to use them. Slightly opening up how he hates his current form. While Angel and Pentious were confused at first, they both didn’t make fun of it any further. (Because yay! Development! Charlie would be proud.)
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Husk warms up a little and claims that “Fine, he’ll try for the hotel’s sake but this is a one time thing…blah blah blah.”
Cue Pentious using and teaching his ‘expertise’ on flight from his machines. Angel smirking every time a clueless Pentious discusses the forces of “Lift, Drag, Weight and…ahem. Thrust.” Meanwhile, Husk attempts to ignore Angel but fails to resist smirking back at times. (Because I know Huskerdust fans love collecting crumbs) And later on, Niffty insisting she wants to be the one to push Husk off the balcony for practice.
Which, she does. On Angel’s count of 3. But she pushes him before Angel could even begin counting. Pentious debating and suggesting whether it’s better for the trial to do it ON 3, BEFORE 3, or start from 1. Regardless, Niffty messes each trial up. And Husk is just regretting everything in this nightmare his 3 friends call “training.” This is just one of their many shenanigans btw.
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Eventually though, Husk did get the hang of it….somewhat. He could glide, take off and hover. But couldn’t really stay up long or fly high because his muscles and stamina for flight are terrible since he doesn’t do it often. Thus, why Husk stays very close to the ground during the final battle and only flies short distances. But the 4 considered it good enough.
(Angel made a joke on the “lack of stamina,” and got thrown in the face by a bottle. But yeah, all of them had some fun to a degree and became more emotionally bonded. All before Charlie and Vaggie came back with backup. Woohoo!
Hopefully they won’t see a particular snake die in front of their eyes-)
If any of y’all want to make a fic of this concept, be my guest. The only condition is that you share me the link :))
550 notes · View notes
hellodarling1357 · 3 months
Note
#26 for the Cassian thing where reader is an IC member too and maybe them and Cassian have been seeing each other in secret for a while but Cass doesn't wanna tell anyone yet because he doesn't wanna mess up the dynamic or make things awkward for the rest of them but then all the stuff happens and Nesta comes along and reader's just sad and pissed because they're worried Cass is in love with Nesta now and secret plot twist oh no reader knows them and Cass are mates but it hasn't snapped for him yet so reader is losing it inside but obviously they can't tell any of their closest friends because Cassian still wants it to be a secret
even if you don't want to write this I hope you're having a great day/night ✩
Forever Tied - Cassian x Reader
Hello hello 🥰
The original prompt list I reblogged has disappeared for some reason so now I have no idea what #26 actually was but I did my best with the request you sent me so hopefully this still works, sorry Anon! I've made it extra long to make up for it!
Hope you enjoy!
Word Count: 9.3k
Rhys was trapped Under the Mountain and there was nothing you could do to help. You had crumbled upon hearing his voice in your mind that last time, having no idea what this meant for your friend, your court, or even for Prythian. You hadn’t even realised you had fallen to your knees until a familiar, warm body had knelt next to you and pulled you into their shaking arms.
Cassian had been in the city centre of Velaris when he had heard, all plans for the day disappearing as the realisation of what had happened hit him full blast. Without thinking, he flew back to the House of Wind, unable and unwilling to process this alone. Although, subconsciously, there was really only one person he wanted to be with in that moment. Azriel would have distanced himself upon hearing the news, Amren was at her apartment, and Mor was at the town house, leaving only you in the House of Wind.
He stumbled in his rush as he landed on the balcony and raced inside. His heart broke even further at the sounds of muffled sobs that echoed towards him. In a blind haze he followed the sounds and found you on the ground, as though your legs had completely given out, unable to bare the weight of what had occurred. Without thinking, Cassian was beside you, pulling you into his arms as he rubbed soothing circles across your back, despite the way his own hands shook as tears threatened to burn at his eyes.
Your breathing eventually evened out, the only trace of your tears were the tracks along your cheeks and the redness of your eyes. Turning in his arms, you looked up at Cassian as though only just properly noticing that he was the comforting, warm presence that brought you back from your distressed state.
“We have to do something,” Your voice was a croaked whisper, “I know he said he put up a shield, but there has to be something we can do to help.”
The shaky inhale of Cassian’s breath told you enough. He didn’t think there was anything that could be done. Truthfully, you didn’t either.
You looked at your friend in awe as a singular tear streaked down his face, followed by another, and another. In all the centuries you had been friends, the sight of the male in front of you crying was one you had very rarely witnessed.
“Cass,” You lifted a hand to his face, gently brushing away his tears. Cassian was always the one who held everyone and everything together, and if this was the one time he openly showed he needed someone else to keep from falling apart, you would more than willingly be that person for him. “It’s going to be okay, alright? We’ll figure something out. And Rhys… well, it’s Rhys. He’s going to be just fine.”
The watery smile you gave him didn’t quite meet your eyes, the expression quickly replaced with alarm as Cassian’s breathing quickened, eyes screwed shut as though trying to compose himself. This you had never seen. Cassian completely losing control, his body shaking against yours as sobs escaped his throat.
“He’s gone,” The strangled sound that came from him had your heart splitting in two. “Amarantha, she will…she’s already…” He couldn’t seem to find the words, or couldn’t bear the thought of saying what was running through his head with Amarantha being involved.
“We’ll get him back.” You soothed, hands reaching up as you guided his head into the crook of your neck, fingers running through his dark wave of hair.
But he wasn’t calming, if anything, Cassian found himself spiralling further and further out of control, the emotions and the ‘what ifs’ sending him into a state of panic where even your comforting presence could do nothing to sooth his hyperventilating breaths, the tears, and the shaking that racked through him.
“Cass?” You pulled back, trying to force him to look at you. “Cassian? Hey, I need you to open your eyes, just focus on me, okay? There you go. Now just take in one deep breathe, alright? Just one, that’s all I need you to do. Okay, and again. You’re alright. We’re alright.”
Cassian’s hazel eyes stared into yours as you talked him through his breathing, your hands soothingly moving up and down his arms as you knelt in front of him and offered a comforting smile as you watched his panic slowly ebb away.
“Y/N, I­—" Cassian started, eyes wide as he gulped and continued staring at you. Before you could blink or react in anyway, he was surging forward; one hand coming up to rest at the back of your neck, the other was gently placed on your thigh, and then his lips were hurriedly pressed against yours. You stilled and tensed in his grasp, it was all too much after everything else that had happened, but still… Maybe a distraction is what you both needed. So instead of pulling away, you leant into him, wrapping your arms around his neck to bring him even closer, and kissing him back with such an urgency that a moan sounded in the back of his throat.
“Y/N,” he muttered against your lips, forehead resting against your own, his breath brushing across your face as it came out in heavy pants.
You just shushed him, also refusing to move too far away. “I know, it’s fine. Just a distraction.”
He looked at you for one more blink and then hungrily pressed against you, this time lowering you to the floor, his muscled body hovering over yours as you lost yourselves in the moment, desperate to forget what had happened and all that was yet to transpire.
*****
Afterwards, you lay on the floor next to one another in the, now dark, room. The combination of your heavy breathes were the only sounds that broke through the silence.
Cassian let out a sigh followed by a chuckle, “Well that was one hell of a distraction.”
You turned your head to look at him and let out a quiet, breathless laugh. Yes, it had been a momentary distraction but now what had happened to Rhys, to Prythian, hung heavy in the room. Cassian turned on his side, leaning up on one arm as he faced you, taking in your still flushed, blissed out expression that now had something akin to pain creeping across it.
“Hey,” He gently grabbed your hand and soothed his thumb across the back of it. “Like you said, we’re alright. And we will get him back.”
You nodded at him then pulled yourself up, tugging your shirt back on before throwing Cassian his discarded clothes.
“Come on, we should find the others. Try to figure something out.”
*****
And that was that.
There was no mention of what had happened between the two of you. No comment on the fact that it had been, without a doubt, and despite the current situation you found yourselves in, the best sex either of you had ever had.
No, even when it happened again three weeks later, and then one week after that, and four days after that, again, and again, and again, it remained an unspoken agreement between the two of you. That momentary distraction where you could lose yourselves in the pleasure of one another and forget about the mess you were left to deal with.
That was how it worked for the next few years. You and Cassian falling into a routine of comfort that you were unable, unwilling, to get from anyone else. You had no idea if the rest of the Inner Circle were aware of what was going on; in terms of your friendship, nothing had changed, there were just additional benefits that came with it now. It didn’t mean anything more.
That is, of course, until your routine had morphed into something that felt like it was on the precipice of something else.
The sex was just as mind-blowingly passionate, however, there were now some instances where it was a bit slower and less frantic, more whispered words and lingering touches. Where the two of you used to chat afterwards, an arm’s worth of distance between you as you slipped back into your normal friendship until the other one left to return to their own room, you now found yourselves wrapped up in each other’s arms, hands softly caressing skin until you both drifted into a restful sleep.
Which is where you now found yourself; wrapped up in Cassian’s arms as he softly snored against you, hand tightly holding onto yours and legs tangled together. You eased out of his grasp, careful not to disturb him and lent against the headboard with a sigh. Usually, you would wake the next morning, offer a small smile, then get on with your day, Rhys’ absence still a clear focus for you all. However, lately you had found yourself letting your mind drift more and more, especially in moments like these where Cassian was still beside you and the bubble you lost yourselves in was yet to be broken.
Each and every time you hated yourself for it, guilt taking over until you forcefully pushed the thoughts away, but you couldn’t help but think that, at some point, you all needed to continue your lives and break away from the standstill existence you had been in since Amarantha took over.
You would never say it out loud, but as the years went on, you had lost all hope of ever getting Rhys back. And if that were the case, and as much as you wished it weren’t, at some point you had to start living for yourselves again. Deep down, in the dark and quiet moments when you awoke and the house was fast asleep, you knew exactly what you wanted that life to look like.
You let out another sigh and looked at Cassian, softly brushing some stray hair away from his face and taking the time to really study his sleep-softened features. You hadn’t meant for it to get this far, but after centuries of friendship, and now the years of intimacy you had shared, the love you felt for Cassian had grown and taken form into a whole different avenue of affection. You were in love with him. You loved him and your heart ached at the thought of it because if you allowed yourself this one bit of happiness into your life, the solidarity and support that Cassian provided, then you couldn’t help but think of it as forgetting about Rhys and the torture he had been enduring whilst you were slowly and deeply falling head over heels with one of your best friends.
The worst part of it was that you were certain Cassian felt the same way about you. The way he held you and touched you, the words he whispered into your ear as you were both tangled, panting messes and then the dazed murmurings that were uttered into the silence afterwards, the longing glances he would give you when the others weren’t looking…
What had started as a desperate distraction and pure, physical need had grown into something so much more meaningful and intimate. And yet you both refused to acknowledge that it was anything other than sex as a means to cope with the instability in your lives.
“Hey,” You hadn’t realised Cassian had stirred, his gruff, sleep-filled voice tearing you away from your thoughts.
“Y/N?” Your expression pulled in confusion at the sudden worry in his voice as he sat up and grasped your hand. “Y/N, what’s wrong?”
It wasn’t until his fingers were reaching up to brush away the tears on your cheeks that you realised you had been silently crying.
“I… I don’t know.” You said with a slight sniffle.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Cassian pulled you into his lap, your head resting on his chest as he pressed kisses to the top of your head and rubbed soothing patterns across your back. The unfairness of the situation had you stifling a small sob, Cassian’s embrace reminding you of exactly what you were missing.
“Want to talk about it?” He murmured into your hair, followed by another kiss.
Whether it was the build-up of emotions or your complete and utter exhaustion, you didn’t know and didn’t care. You sat up in Cassian’s arms, desperately looking for any form of confirmation that what you were about to say wouldn’t ruin everything, then took a deep breath.
“This…whatever this is between us, I can’t keep doing it. Not how it is now,” You were too caught up to notice the heartbroken expression that flashed across his face.
Cassian had willingly fallen into this arrangement and would happily continue to do so if it meant he could pretend, even for just a few hours a day, that you were his, and he was yours. There had always been a part of him that had been completely and utterly in love with you. And then when he found out Rhys had been trapped by Amarantha, his emotions had been a surging mess, so he acted on instinct and a selfish need for the upmost form of comfort and risked it all by kissing you. Now the thought that this one bit of joy he allowed himself was being ripped away, another thing he would be losing, sent his heart racing as he waited for the final blow of your words.
“It hurts too much.” You continued, looking down at your intertwined hands before pulling away.
Cassian looked up at you in confusion, “What hurts too much?”
“This. Us,” A shaky laugh escaped you as you gestured to the empty space between you, throwing all caution to the wind as you said, “I can’t keep pretending that this isn’t anything more than a distraction. Not when I have fallen so deeply in love with you that the thought of never…”
You were cut off by Cassian all but picking you up and kissing you with such passion that you couldn’t stop your toes from curling or the small whimper that escaped your throat.
“You love me?” His voice was breathless and gravelly, barely above a whisper. You opened your eyes, his forehead rested against yours, eyes squeezed shut as though trying to hold onto the moment.
“Yes.”
A joyful laugh sounded from him and reverberated through you as his lips found yours again, tongue trailing along your bottom lip before you parted them for him.
Your mind was racing yet you couldn’t form a coherent thought, pulling away in a desperate attempt to catch your breath.
“Good.”
“Cass?”
“Good. Because I have loved you since we first met and I can’t lose you, not now.”
You grinned at him before pulling his face down to meet yours and slamming your lips to his. You had thought that maybe, just maybe, he had been starting to feel something that was more than friendship too. But the idea of him loving you for that long made your heart skip a beat and had butterflies fluttering up a storm in your stomach.
“I feel horrible,” You admitted, quick to clarify at the affronted look Cassian gave you. “It just feels wrong, like we’re betraying Rhys. We don’t…we don’t even know if he is alive, Cass. I want this, with you, more than anything. But it doesn’t feel right while everything is so…” You trailed off, unable to meet his gaze as Cassian watched you with a look of contemplation.
“So we don’t say anything. We can keep it between us, at least for now. We’ve gotten this far without the others asking questions. I love you, so much, and as much as I want everyone to know, I get what you mean. So we don’t say anything until we get him back. And we will get him back, I know we will. Alright?" You nodded; eyes wide as you grasped his calloused hands in yours.
“Besides, I basically sleep here every night anyway. Nothing will really change between us, just that I can now tell you and show you that I love you, instead of having to force the words down every time you so much as look at me.” A blush spread across your cheeks at his words and the wink that followed, but you didn’t care to hide it, instead simply giving him a dazzling smile that sent his heart racing.
He pulled you in for another kiss, murmuring “I love you” as he guided you back down onto the mattress.
“I love you too—" But a loud yawn escaped your mouth, cutting off the rest of your words and sending you into a small fit of giggles.
“Alright, we’ll continue this tomorrow,” Cassian now laughed with you. “Come on, it’s late. Get some sleep.”
You wrapped your arms around him, nuzzling your face into his chest, the comforting and familiar scent had you drifting off in a matter of minutes.
*****
Cassian had been right, not a lot in your dynamic had changed over the years after that night, other than the giddying comfort of knowing that he was yours, and you were his. You weren’t foolish enough to think that the others hadn’t picked up on the slight shift, especially when Cassian had waltzed out of your room one morning only to come face to face with Azriel. You just assumed that they thought you were sleeping together, nothing more.
Then when Rhys returned, you had been, obviously, overjoyed. Not wanting to bombard him with too much on his first night back, you and Cassian had decided later that night once you were back in your room, to hold off on saying anything about your relationship until Rhys had settled back in.
Then everything else had happened.
The arrival of Feyre and her sisters. Hybern and the cauldron. The war and near fatal injuries spread throughout your tight-knit group. It was all too much.
You and Cassian had been discussing back and forth for months: do you tell them or keep hiding it. Ultimately, keeping your relationship secret is what you always landed on. Honestly, you weren’t sure if you were just finding excuses at this point to keep yourselves in your happy little bubble when so much threated to burst it.
Initially, you hadn’t wanted to rub your relationship in Rhys’ face when he was so clearly pining after Feyre who wanted nothing to do with him. Then their mating bond clicked, and you didn’t want to take away or overshadow their happiness with your own. The threat from Hybern felt like you would be playing with fire; if the King of Hybern found out… it was too great a risk when your enemies could use it against you.
Between it all, you still found time to be together; not once did the love you felt for one another falter. But with each excuse, and with each passing month, the decision wore on you more and more.
And then Rhys asked Cassian to take on Nesta.
You felt for her, you really did, but the time and energy Cassian put into helping her had a pit forming in your stomach. At the end of each day, when you were tucked tightly into his chest and his sweet nothings were whispered across your bare skin, you felt silly for ever thinking that he was losing interest in you. Yet, that feeling lingered just that little bit longer with each passing day and with each moment spent away from him when he was, instead, occupied with her.
*****
You had been away in the Summer Court the night that Nesta had hallucinated about being back in the cauldron. After you finished reporting to Rhys upon your return the following night, he had told you what had happened with her silver flames and how Cassian had managed to bring her out of it. With worry for all of them, you got back to the House of Wind as soon as you could but couldn’t find Cassian, Azriel, or Nesta anywhere. It wasn’t until later when you were getting ready for bed that there was a knock on your bedroom door. What you didn’t expect was to find Cassian on the other side of it, you weren’t sure why he suddenly decided to start knocking on the door to the room you had shared for the past 50 years.
With a quizzical look you pulled him inside the room and lent up on your toes to press a soft kiss to his lips that had him instantly wrapping his arms around your frame to pull you in tighter against him.
“I missed you,” he murmured against your skin, trailing lingering kisses down your neck that had a soft moan escaping you.
“I missed you. Rhys told me what happened here, are you alright? Is Nesta?”
Cassian pulled back, pressing another kiss to your lips then the tip of your nose before grabbing your hands and leading you to the couch by the fireplace.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” You remained silent, your doubt erupting in you as you waited for him to continue with bated breath. “We moved her to a closer room, next door to our, your, room, so that if something like that happens again one of us will know straight away.”
Cassian pulled back slightly, studying your features as though waiting for a reaction. You expression remained impassive; you could feel the other shoe about to drop and wanted him to tell you without beating around the bush.
“But,” He sighed, lifting your hand up and pressing a kiss to it, “I think, just for now, at least until things calm down a bit, I should go back to sleeping in my old room.”
“No.”
“Y/N – “
“No, Cassian,” You were shaking your head at him, not caring if you sounded needy or whiny or any of it. “This is the only time we can just be us. It’s already hard enough with keeping it a secret from everyone, I can’t lose this.”
“We decided, together, to keep this between us, there’s too much going on. And I don’t think Nesta will appreciate hearing us through the walls…” You cut him off with a scoff.
“Are you fucking serious, Cass? Are you worried about everyone finding out, or are you worried about Nesta finding out?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I never get to see you because you’re always with her. And now, because of her again, everything that our relationship is needs to go on hold? It’s not fair that after 50 years all I get is a few hours at the end of the day and to be kept your secret from everyone we care about.” You spat the word, all your emotions and fears finally bubbling over, however irrational they may be, but you had had enough.
“Sweetheart, we agreed that it’s for the best that we keep this between ourselves – “
“Well, I don’t agree anymore, Cass. I don’t want it like this. And don’t condescend me.” Your voice had a sharp snap to it. You needed something. Needed something other than the heartbreak that you could feel fast approaching; and a fight sounded like the next best thing.
“I’m not being condescending,” You could sense Cassian’s temper rising. “You can’t suddenly be angry because you’ve changed your mind without saying anything to me. And Nesta has nothing to do with this, it’s for...”
But the rest of his words became a blur at the sudden, incessant tug that pulled at your chest; that pulled you towards the male in front of you.
He was your mate.
Cassian was your mate.
You couldn’t do this, not now when you were in the middle of a fight. Not when Cassian didn’t even seem to be aware – or seem to care, a small voice taunted – of what had just happened. You needed to get away from him, to calm down and think before it could get even more out of hand.
“Cassian, just… Whatever, it’s fine. I’m tired, so just go back to your room, okay? We’ll figure the rest out later. I’m just…tired.” You finished lamely, voice cracking slightly as you watched him look you over, his frustration still evident, before walking out and loudly shutting the door behind him.
You slumped down, holding your knees to your chest as the sobs began. You had thought, had hoped, that Cassian was your mate. But this wasn’t how it was meant to go. Not mid-fight, with him having no idea of the bond’s existence while telling you he no longer wants to share your bed.
Having been so caught up in your thoughts and the overflooding emotions, you missed the flickering of shadows that darted around you. Moments later there was another knock on your door. Wiping your eyes, you called out in a chocked voice, “come in,” assuming it was Cassian.
Instead, Azriel quickly opened the door, closing it just as fast, before taking in the sight before him and making his way over to you.
“Y/N?” You could only sniffle in response, gratefully leaning against his side when his arm wrapped around you. “You alright?”
You remained silent for a few minutes, focusing on Azriel’s comforting hand brushing up and down your arm as you worked to control your breathing and halt your tears.
“I’m fine.” Your voice was hoarse and not at all convincing.
“Want to try that again?” You sent your elbow into his ribs, making the Shadowsinger chuckle before pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head.
With a sigh he asked, “This has nothing to do with the fact that Cassian is suddenly sleeping in his room for the first time in, what? 50 years?”
You gaped up at your friend in shock and at a loss for words.
“You knew?
“Of course I knew. I live here too, remember? As subtle as you might think you’re being, I’ve got these,” His shadows danced around, reminding you that it was stupid to even entertain the idea that Azriel wouldn’t know.
“Oh,” A fresh set of tears filled your eyes and you stared intently into the flickering fire.
“Can you please take me to the town house? I don’t… I can’t be here.” Despite the late hour, you knew he would do anything for you in a heartbeat. While you and Cassian had been friends for decades before anything more had happened, you and Az had been close from the start, instant friends as soon as you had met.
“Of course.”
He waited for you by your bedroom door as you pulled together a small bag of your belongings, not knowing when you would be back.
“Ready?”
“Ready.”
You didn’t turn to give the room that held so many memories a final glance as you shut the door behind you and followed Azriel out onto the balcony.
*****
Thankfully, the town house was dark and empty when you arrived, giving you the space and silence to process your thoughts and feelings. You had thanked Azriel for flying you over and had said a quick goodnight before you walked inside and headed upstairs.
Sitting on your bed, you vacantly stared at the wall, lost in thought as the minutes ticked by. You jumped at the sudden dip of the mattress beside you, only to find Azriel sitting there fixing you with a look of concern, a steaming cup of tea extended towards you.
“Thanks,” You murmured, taking a sip and revelling in the slight burn as the liquid went down your throat. “I thought you went home.”
“Not yet. Didn’t want to leave you alone like this.” There was a beat of silence before, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No,”
You let out a weary sigh, content on sitting in silence but your thoughts quickly became too much, and you found yourself blurting out, “He’s my mate.”
Azriel whipped around to face you, shock coating his features.
“What? They didn’t tell you?” You gestured to the shadows that skittered around him with a sad smile.
“For how long? I thought you were just sleeping together.” He trailed off, giving you an uncharacteristically sheepish expression as you let out a somewhat bitter laugh.
“It started that way, when Rhys…left,” You whispered, revelling in finally telling someone even though it may well be over. “It was a distraction from the shit show that was going on, but then it just kept happening.” Azriel remained silent, letting you talk.
“A few years in, I realised I had fallen in love with him,” you voice cracked but you kept going, “Then he told me he loved me too. Said he had for a while.”
Azriel chuckled lightly, “That’s an understatement. He was infatuated with you from the moment you met. I knew something was going on or something had at least happened when he suddenly stopped talking to me about you whenever you weren’t there.”
Tears rolled down your cheeks at his words, but with a look and a comforting squeeze of his hand, you let out a shuddering breath and continued, “That was five years into Rhys being gone, and we’ve been together ever since.”
“Five years into… But Y/N, how? That means for over 45 years, the two of you have been…” You sniffed as he put the math together and watched as his eyes widened at the realisation. “How come you never told us?”
“We felt guilty that we found some type of happiness together when Rhys was trapped – “
“He wouldn’t have cared. He would have been happy for you; for both of you” Azriel interjected.
“I know,” You smiled sadly, “But it just didn’t feel right. And then he got back, and everything with Feyre and Hybern happened – it was never the right time.”
You could tell he was still confused, hurt even, about the two of you keeping your relationship private for so long, but he didn’t push you.
“I don’t know how I missed it.” He said, seemingly to himself.
“You only half missed it,” You joked, nudging his arm to try to ease the tension in the room. “We tried to act the same, things were just different when we were alone.”
“When did you realise you were mates?” You inhaled sharply, your earlier fight rushing back to you.
“Tonight. We were arguing and I just felt this tug and knew. He doesn’t know – at least I don’t think he knows.” You voiced your doubts, the weight of them getting the better of you.
“If he knew, he would refuse to leave your side. It just hasn’t snapped into place for him yet.” You gave your friend an appreciative smile and lent your head on his shoulder.
“I’m so tired.”
“Go to sleep. I’ll come back in the morning to check on you. You’re alright here?”
“Thanks Az.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head before leaving the room; leaving you alone to finally mull over the fight, your emotions, and the fact that Cassian was your mate.
*****
“What’s up with you?” Mor plopped into the seat beside you, handing you a glass of wine that you gratefully took.
“Nothing,” You quickly murmured as the others traipsed into the dining room. You were aware of Cassian edging towards you and held in a sigh of relief when Azriel suddenly appeared in the seat on your other side.
It had been a week since you left the House of Wind to stay at the town house. A week since your fight with Cassian when you realised exactly what he was to you. Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eye. Despite his best efforts to get you alone over the past few days, you conveniently managed to slip away every time. Tonight’s family dinner was the closest you had been to him all week, the realisation only making your longing for him even more dire – especially now that you were aware of that insistent tug that pulled you towards him.
Dinner was no different to how it usually went, except for the fact that you hardly said a word, opting to keep your eyes focused on the food in front of you. You were so caught up in your own thoughts that you didn’t notice that Cassian also didn’t utter a single word throughout the meal, the only difference between you both was that his eyes were fixed on you, not his plate.
You jumped up as soon as everyone had finished eating, wanting to help clear the plates so you could get out and go home as soon as possible, not wanting to prolong the night for any longer than it needed to be. Too bad for you, Cassian was acutely attuned to your movements and jumped out of his seat seconds after to help in a desperate attempt to have at least one moment to talk to you.
Filling the sink with hot, soapy water, you sensed, rather than saw, Cassian follow you into the kitchen, body tensing up as he silently walked to your side. You worked in silence, scrapping dishes, washing plates, drying, and putting away. Cassian’s eyes were fixed on you, brows furrowing further with every passing moment you continued to ignore him.
“Y/N,” His voice was quiet, unsure. So different to his usual tone that it had you involuntarily turning to face him. Your heart stammered in your chest, the longing and hurt and confusion that had been tearing you apart in your time away from him threatened to burst as you finally met his hazel stare. “Are you… Are we okay? You just left and I had to find out from Az that you’re staying at the town house and now you can barely even look at me.”
His words came out hurried, frantic, as though if he spoke any slower you would disappear. Guilt flooded you at the hurt you found in his eyes, but your anger was still very much present, the lingering fear of him choosing Nesta over you held too strong for you to succumb to those feelings of guilt.
“I just need some time.” Voice barely above a whisper, you inwardly cursed as your vision blurred over with tears.
“Time for what? Y/N I don’t know what’s going on–”
“You both okay?”
Neither you nor Cassian heard Azriel approach, both turning to gape at your friend who hesitantly stood in the doorway.
“Fine. Just fine.” You pushed past him on your way out, not giving Cassian a second glance as you entered the spacious loungeroom to say goodnight to everyone. A few moments later the pair walked in after you, you missed the loaded glances they shared, not privy to the hurried conversation they had after you left the kitchen where Cassian had all but begged Azriel to intervene, to allow him the chance to finally talk to you.
“Hey, Y/N?” You turned to look expectantly at Azriel. “Did you still need me to fly you up to the House of Wind for that book?”
“Oh. Yeah, if that’s alright?” In your rush to get away the night you left you had forgotten to pack the next book you had been planning to read.
“Does tonight work? If you’re just about to head off…”
“Sure, I was just going to go…home.” Your voice trailed at the end, willing the blush away as you kept your head held high. You felt as though you didn’t know what home was anymore.
“Great, Cassian was just about to leave as well. He’ll take you up there.” With a clap to Cassian’s shoulder, Azriel sauntered over to where Rhys and Amren were talking, brushing off their questioning glances as he pointedly ignored you, allowing no room for dispute.
“Oh…”
“Is that alright?” You tensed at Cassian’s voice, glancing over your shoulder to find his wary eyes on you. It wasn’t like you could say no, it was not alright, without making a scene. You would be having words with Azriel the next time you saw him; judging by the slight smirk he was wearing, he seemed to assume just as much.
“Erm, yes. If that’s okay?” Cassian simply nodded before gesturing to the front door and, after another quick goodbye to everyone, you found yourselves outside. Another fumbled moment, then you were held tightly in Cassian’s arms with the rush of the crisp night air and an uncomfortable silence engulfing you both as he flew you towards the House of Wind.
You couldn’t stand the awkwardness. It had never been like this between the two of you and you hated that this is what it had come to. The relationship you shared, whether that be friendship or more, it had always come so naturally. Now you were faced with a stilted, tense atmosphere, not quite knowing what to say or where you stood. Then there had been the fight. Sure, you had argued before, after decades of knowing each other, you were bound to come into some disagreements along the way. But you had never had a fight like this, where you had both been so riled up, fuming at the other to the point where you had both stormed away and then not spoken for days. You hated it.
So caught up in your thoughts, you missed the slight detour Cassian was taking you on, only noticing once you were placed back on your feet and found yourself in the middle of the training ring, rather than the usual balcony that led into the house itself.
“What…”
“We’re hashing this out. Right now.”
“You want to…fight?”
“What?” Cassian did a double take, as if just connecting the location with why you would think that. “No, I don’t want to fight. That’s the problem, we are fighting. This just seemed like the most private place to work things out.”
You eyed him hesitantly, not knowing what you wanted your next step to be, especially when the urge to wrap your arms around him and inhale the scent that was so him, the scent that had become home, was so strong.
“So, words or swords?” Your eyes snapped to Cassian as he fiddled with the one of the discarded swords you usually sparred with.
Words
You wanted words. To talk this all out and be done with it, whichever way that turned out to be. But then an image flashed across your mind; an image of Cassian standing up here with Nesta, hands guiding her into the correct form, fingers shifting along her own to straighten her hold on the blade…
Without a single word, you walked to where Cassian was and hauled your own blade up.
“Okay then.” There was a slight smirk on Cassian’s face as he followed behind you into the centre of the training ring. The quirk of his eyebrow was all you needed before you were moving towards him, swords meeting with a clash that pierced the night.
You didn’t think about the moves you were making, giving way to centuries of refined and well-practiced instinct. Cassian was stronger, you knew he would hold out for longer, but you were well matched for now. Both of your foreheads started to sheen in sweat, pants of exertion echoed alongside the clank and clash of swords, and as you moved around and against one another, you finally let out all of your pent-up emotions until you had nothing left.
“I can’t…I can’t do this anymore.” You gasped before dropping the sword and falling to your knees, tears streamed down your face at the sudden emotional outlet. Cassian was by your side in an instant, his sword dropped to the ground in a ricochetting crash.
“Y/N,” His voice was alert, on-edge, eyes dancing over you as he tried to work out what was wrong. “Are you hurt?” The frantic tone now had sobs racking from your chest, shaking your head you surged forward, wrapping your arms around his neck as you cried and cried and cried. Without a second thought, Cassian had his arms around you, pulling you into his lap as he softly caressed your back and whispered soothing words into your ear.
He stayed silent, giving you the time and space to calm down and filter through your thoughts. Not once rushing you or demanding answers after a week of uncertainty.
“I’m sorry, Cass. I’m so fucking sorry, for everything. I just…” At least you managed to get a few words out before you were overcome with tears once again. You weren’t sure what they were for at this point with so many thoughts and scenarios racing through your head: the fight, Cassian being your mate, Cassian getting close with Nesta, Cassian leaving you, Cassian leaving you for Nesta, and then you being forced to watch them be together, knowing you couldn’t stand the thought of him not being in your life, in whatever capacity you were granted.
“Shhh,” He soothed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as he softly rocked you back and forth. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
With a deep breath, you nodded against his chest in an attempt to compose yourself. Noting in the position you were in, you could have laughed if you weren’t feeling so empty and deflated; this is how you had both gotten into this in the first place, all those years ago when you thought you would never see Rhys again – both of you with your arms around each other, crying and saying everything was going to be okay. Only this time, you weren’t so sure if the strength of your relationship would hold.
“Please, talk to me, Y/N. What’s going through that head of yours.”
You couldn’t take not knowing what was going to happen any longer. So with a final sniffle, you leant back, sitting on the ground beside him and pulling your knees up to your chest as you held your arms tightly around yourself.
“I don’t know where to start…”
“What about when you decided you wanted the others to know?” There was no malice in his voice, only gentle concern that prodded you to continue.
“I’ve always wanted the others to know,” You ignored Cassian’s slight indignation, “But it was never the right time, what with everything that was happening then, and everything that’s happened since. It felt like the right decision at the time, it felt safe. It was nice knowing that this was just for us when so much was going wrong. But I want to be with you outside of our room. I want to be able to hold your hand and walk through Velaris, kiss you in front of our friends, not pretend that you don’t mean the world to me, because you do Cassian.”
He remained quiet, letting you talk and giving you the space to get everything off your chest but the lingering presence of his hand drawing soothing circles across your back had you feeling grounded. “I love you and the thought of losing you has been tearing me apart.” You winced at the tremor in your voice, gaze fixed on the ground in front of you.
You didn’t dare mention the fact that you were mates. Not yet. He deserved the chance to properly say what needed to be said, without the cauldron’s interference tying him down if he did, in fact, want to leave.
“Why do you think you’re losing me?” Cassian’s voice was quiet and contemplative, as though processing everything you had said but not quite connecting the dots. The kiss to the side of your head had you inhaling a shaky breath and you forced yourself to will away the tears that threatened to spill.
“We’ve been so distant lately; we never get to see each other. And, look, I know it’s for Rhys, but I’m away all the time, and you’re always with Nesta. Then the other night when you said you didn’t want to share our room anymore, and that you were afraid she would find out… I don’t know, I guess it all just became too much.” You could feel his eyes on you but the blush burning your cheeks had you refusing to meet his gaze.
A moment later, Cassian softly said, “I never said I didn’t want to share a room with you, believe me, I want to spend every moment I can with you–” You made a noise of protest, but Cassian gently shushed you before continuing. “But Rhys and Feyre need Nesta to be okay and he’s given that job to me. I should’ve spoken to you about it first or explained it better when I said I was going to sleep in my old room. But you saw what Nesta was like before we got her up here, I didn’t think her seeing, or hearing, us together would be all that helpful – especially when she was using sex as a way to cope with everything.”
“Oh…” You felt stupid. Stupid and selfish and completely undeserving of the amazing, considerate male beside you.
“And,” Cassan continued with a playful nudge of his shoulder, “You have no idea how much I want everyone to know about us. No idea how hard it has been to not tell everyone that this amazing, brilliant, strong, kind female is mine. And just how hard it has been seeing other males so much as look at you without being able to say anything to them.”
You still couldn’t tear your eyes from the ground in front of you, but Cassian noticed the soft smile tugging at your lips.
“Cauldron, if you want, I can fly us back to the River House right now. We can tell everyone exactly what’s been going on, you can kiss me in front of all of our friends then we can go into Velaris, I’ll even let you hold my hand as we walk around.” Another playful nudge had you softly chuckling, eyes finally darting over to look at Cassian. Your heart faltered at the expression on his face, the complete love and adoration that laced his features as he watched you, his own mouth pulling into a smile at the laugh he managed to pull from you.
“Yeah?” Your voice was still slightly hoarse from your previous tears, but it was a touch lighter. You felt lighter.
“Yeah.” Cassian stretched his legs out in front of him, wrapping one arm around your waist as he pulled you closer to him, leaning back on the other.
Still, some doubt lingered. It couldn’t be this easy. Things were never this easy.
“So, you’re not going to leave me?” You couldn’t remember the last time you felt shy in front of him, and you hated yourself for asking, hated that he might think you weak, needy, pathetic – the words raced around, threatening to send you into a panic.
“Never,” That one word had you relaxing immediately. “You would have to force me to leave you, and even then… I’m not going aware, Sweetheart.”
You could have melted at his words. You swore you did as you leant against him, letting out a small sigh of relief, a breath you had been holding for days, weeks, months.
“Y/N?” His voice sent a shiver down your spine, the words whispered into your ear as his breath fanned across your skin. “Can I please kiss you now?”
You tilted your head up to face him, a small smile gracing your features as he slanted his lips over your own and you immediately felt as though you had returned home.
Pulling away all too quickly, your lips desperately chased his, only to receive a playful peck in response before Cassian was helping you to your feet.
“Come on,”
“Cass?” You laugh was laced with confusion, yet you followed him anyway, watching as he picked up the discarded sparring swords and placing them back alongside the others.
“What? We’ve got some news to share,” He stole another quick kiss as he laced your hands together.
“Now?”
“Yes now,” He mocked with a playful grin, “I don’t want to waste another moment, especially when it has you feeling as though–”
The abrupt stop to Cassian’s words had the smile slipping from your face as you took in his wide eyes and startled expression.
“Cassian, what’s wrong?”
“Y/N… You’re…” He let out a disbelieving laugh as he continued to stare at you, drinking in every feature, every miniscule detail and expression that crossed your face. Turning your head, you tried to look around for the cause of his sudden change in demeanour, only to be met with gentle, yet calloused, hands cupping your face, urging you to meet his gaze before his lips were pressed over yours again.
Despite the confusion, you gratefully accepted and leant into the kiss, relaxing as his arms draped around your waist and as you let your fingers travel up his neck before tangling into his hair. Cassian was breathing heavily when he pulled away, you could hear the pounding of his heart as he pressed his forehead against yours. His eyes remained tightly shut, the feel of his lashes fluttering across your skin sent your own heart fluttering in response.
Then he mumbled something incoherently; too quiet and smothered for you to even begin to comprehend.
“Hmm?” You asked, pressing a lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth as you ran your fingers through his hair.
Another murmur had you pulling away, eyebrows furrowing as you took in his dumbfounded expression and the way his eyes were still tightly shut. But there was now a smile tugging at his lips.
“Cass?”
“Mate. You’re my mate.” His eyes snapped open, revealing complete, utter joy as he stared at you with wonder and bewilderment.
Oh. Right.
“And you’re my mate.” At least you didn’t have to keep this to yourself any longer.
Cassian tilted his head as he processed your reaction and the way your lips spread into a soft, loving smile.
“You knew. You already knew.” Although his voice was laced with exasperation, his face held nothing but love and giddy excitement, eyes bright as he met yours. You sent a wave of affirmation down the newly linked bond, watching with joy as Cassian’s eyes lit up even further at the sensation. You knew you were grinning just as stupidly back at him when you felt a tug of your own filled with nothing but love.
The two of you stood there grinning and staring at one another as though seeing the other in a new light. Then you were both moving, arms a flurry as they desperately wrapped around the other, lips meeting in a loving and passionate kiss that only intensified with each tug that raced down the bond, igniting the need for more, so much more.
A gentle tap from Cassian and you were quick to jump up, wrapping your legs around his waist as his arms held you tightly against him. Through the kisses and moans and soft sighs, somehow Cassian found himself moving, walking the two of you to the door that would lead you inside and to your room.
“Wait,” You pulled back, gasping for air as you leant your forehead against his, legs still tightly wrapped around his middle. Cassian was panting just as heavily, waiting on your every move and word. “Kitchen.”
The suggestive grin he shot you went straight to your core, the feeling only amplified as he attached his lips to your neck. “I think I like where this is heading,” A soft moan sounded in the back of your throat as he tugged on your earlobe, then he was walking again, albeit very quickly, towards the kitchen, his lips back on yours.
“No, idiot,” Another moan had your breathless words halting immediately. “Food.”
Now Cassian pulled away, looking at you through the haze of love and lust, now tainted by a hint of confusion.
“Food,” You continued, pressing a kiss to his lips before trailing along his jaw and returning the favour with a tug on his earlobe. “For the mating bond.”
You felt Cassian’s body tense against you, “You’re going to accept it?”
“Yes…” you said tentatively, not quite understanding the need for his question because what other answer was there?
The intensity in which he kissed you had him stumbling back a few steps, arms wrapping even tighter around you to keep you in his arms.
“Did you think I wouldn’t?” Your gaze softened as you took in his uncertain expression, as you felt it through the bond.
“No, I don’t know. I just thought… I mean, you’re… Do you really want to be tied to a bastard-born Illy…” You cut his words off with a sharp look and a deep kiss that conveyed exactly what you thought of what he had just implied. Then you were sending every ounce of love and affection that you could muster towards him, heart melting as his expression changed and with the way he looked at you whilst processing the raw, vulnerability of the emotions surging down the bond.
You pressed a soft kiss to his lips, barely more than a lingering peck before saying, “Please can you let me give you some food now? I’ve been keeping this in all week.”
“All week? You’ve known about this since…”
“It snapped during our fight,” You shrugged, not wanting to relive it now that you had finally reached this point.
It was Cassian’s turn to pull you into a tender kiss before you found yourself overwhelmed by the new sensation of his emotions landing right above your heart.
“I think we can hold off on telling the others for just a little bit longer.”
“I think you’re absolutely right,” You tapped his arm gently and he placed you back onto your feet. Lacing your fingers with his, you pulled him into the kitchen and made him take a seat while you went about putting a plate of food together.
“Besides,” You continued, suddenly remembering Azriel’s involvement, “Az already knows. So I’m sure the others have put the pieces together by now and will steer clear for a few days.”
“A few weeks more like.” You grinned at the slight growl in his voice and the hunger in his eyes as his gaze remained fixed on you.
“Here,” Your voice was almost breathless, stomach fluttering with excitement and nerves as you pushed the plate towards him. Cassian briefly glanced down at it then, with a look of well-honed restraint, he slowly stood and walked over to you, pulling you in for a kiss as he murmured, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Without tearing his eyes away from you, Cassian reached across the table for the plate, eating everything on it as you remained transfixed on one another, basking in the feeling of the bond you shared growing stronger and stronger until, at last, everything felt as though it had finally fallen into place.
***** Thanks for reading 🥰
526 notes · View notes
soapoet · 11 months
Text
describing the dynamic...
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...a requested continuation of this post.
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like & rb if it resonates ♡
01.
Shufflemancy: First day of my life by Bright Eyes
This feels like home. It is familiar and it is sweet. The two of you create an air of comfort, which draws in various orphans of the storm. Like a safe haven amidst stormy seas. A lighthouse. This has the blueprint of starting a found family. Your union echos with lots of laughter, the kind that brings tears and stomachaches. The joy here is tangible and it is imprinted in everything. Your dynamic is like an evolved version of puppy love. It's nervous, but adoring. Giddy and rosy. It feels like best friends falling in love. They know you and you know them at a deep level. The foundation upon which this relationship stands could withstand hurricanes, though there isn't much to worry about. Most issues that crop up seem a little silly, and you may laugh about them afterwards. Personal doubts and misunderstandings are the worst that can happen here, which are mostly due to the doglike loyalty and care you have for one another. Ever seen the face of a pooch when they've done something they shouldn't have? They appear so sheepish even though their mistake or mischief really isn't all that bad or serious. We often laugh at our beloved pets when they appear so apologetic because it is so often wildly out of proportion for their actual crime. The same applies to this relationship. Doubts may occasionally become bigger in your heads and cause a similar out of proportion shame or guilt or concern about how the other will react. Many inside jokes may stem from these situations, actually. Despite the occasional and shortlived whirlwind of doubt and concern about the status of the relationship, your communication is very good and open and clear. You might both simply have a hard time expressing yourselves when it comes to negative feelings and experiences, likely stemming from your upbringing. Which brings me to the point of healing. A key feature of this relationship is just that. Healing. The two of you treat each other the way you wish you had been treated growing up. As though you are raising each other's wounded inner child in a much better, loving, and attentive environment. There is a lot of validation and tenderness present. The reciprocation is beautifully balanced. When one is feeling low, the other takes on a guardian role, comforting and supporting them in various ways. Need a doctor's appointment but you're too anxious to call? Your partner gotchu. Next time they're ill you'll be making them soup and wrapping them up in a blanket. The give and take feels natural, like neither of you need to think twice about it, and best of all: nobody's keeping score.
02.
Shufflemancy: High heels by Mando Diao
Once this one gets going, it's long distance, not a sprint. Considering the delays this relationship experiences before it begins, however, the steady movement doesn't feel slow at all. And although this relationship is very spontaneous and fun, there is a balancing act at play wherein plans for the future are made early on. They want to make sure you're both on the same page and have an idea of where the relationship is headed right from the start to avoid conflicting ideas later. There are some traditional elements to this relationship because they lead a busy life professionally. Plans may be made to have you stay at home once things get serious, though they are very supportive of any business ideas you come up with or already have when you enter into the relationship. This person values ambition and drive, probably just as much as you do, and is very supportive of any endeavours you decide to pursue, and is likely to help fund or network to boost your success.
Expect frequent date nights. This person enjoys romance and works hard to keep the spark alive, so long as they don't feel smothered. When given the space and time they love to shower you with gifts and make you feel special. Travelling also figures strongly, and you may cross many destinations off your bucket list with this person. They favour quality over quantity, though, and may make it a point to spend big bucks on a resort for an extended period of time to really make the most of the destination and the time you get to spend together. It's possible the two of you eventually purchase a second home somewhere you like to visit. The two of you enjoy a rich social life as well, and may frequently entertain people in your home or at different venues. Your energy is contagious and other people are naturally drawn to the two of you because of the fun and welcoming energy created by your union. I'm not seeing much in terms of issues, mostly because the element of fun is so strong here. It feels very balanced because each of you gets to be in your favoured energy and feel appreciated for what you bring to the relationship. Very strong mutual respect. Each of you seem to succeed in life and your careers and projects better because the other is by your side. Reaching higher and farther because of the support of the other. This has an air of'us against the world', as though you are building an empire together. Your success is very new-money and modern. Flashy and extravagant, but still down-to-earth and humble in a way in which you really count your blessings and have much gratitude for what you have together and where you came from. The two of you may help or give back to your community, or donate to charity. It's possible they pay off your family's mortgage or do some other big financial gesture towards your family after the two of you commit. There is a lot of passion in this relationship. Very flirty, and there is a strong sexual attraction. The two of you make each other laugh a lot and may pull pranks on each other. Check out Destene and Brandon on youtube, because their dynamic mirrors this group a lot!
03.
Shufflemancy: Mary on a cross by Ghost
This is the one that will feel like things are too good to be true. You will want for nothing. The dynamic here is almost that of a knight and the one they have sworn to protect, or the royal and the peasant they chose for love. There is much adoration here, and it feels old-timey in a way. If you have been kissing frogs before, this one will really surprise you. They enjoy traditional courting and may look down upon the modern era of dating and the attitudes surrounding it, and don't like most of the people making them offers. They also appear to compensate for time spent apart through lavish gifts, and making sure you have everything that you need. There are a lot of calls and messages being sent back and forth, especially during their time away. They're very supportive of your studies or the projects you're working on, and will do everything in their power to create a good environment for you to do what you need to do. There is a strong possibility of them asking you to accompany them on their business travels, in an effort to help the two of you spend more quality time together. You have an energy that differs so much from what they have to deal with in their professional life, and they derive a big boost of motivation and confidence from it. It is almost as though they see you as their lucky charm.
The primary cause of friction appears to come from outside the relationship. You may frequently receive strange looks when you're together, or the way you differ somehow causes tension amongst your partner's peers. They, however, are incredibly proud of you and encourage you to speak your mind and stay true to yourself. They think you're perfect and don't want you to change, especially not through pressure from the kinds of people they find shallow or even fake. There could be instances where people try to steal your partner, but they fail horribly because of your partner's devotion to you. This can also go the other way, wherein people begin to pursue you in an attempt to steal you away from your partner, as if to spite them. You may receive invitations, offers, and gifts from people, especially ones you meet through your partner. This reveals a jealous streak in your partner which is very prevalent, but not in a toxic or controlling way. Because they have such social grace and know how to play the game, they never target you with their jealousy and dismay, but those who try to get in between. They are protective of what's theirs, but are very graceful and strategic in their methodology of solving problems. This also lends itself well to any wrinkles that need ironing in the relationship, because they don't appear to get angry and have a mentality that it's not you vs. them, but the two of you vs. the problem.
This dynamic may sometimes lead to waking up alone, but there is sure to be a lovely note left behind, or they may send flowers. They like to let you sleep in, and find you to be at your most beautiful when you're asleep because of the serene look on your face. You really help them feel at peace, which is something quite difficult for them to achieve on their own. They have trouble relaxing or doing things without it somehow boosting their qualifications or adding to their resume. You help them pick out books to read just because, watch movies regardless of their acclaim and accolades, go thrifting for the fun of it or visit the sweet little side street boutiques and unknown cafés. They really just feel like they have access to more oxygen when you're around, as though they've spent their whole life holding their breath and they can breathe easily and deeply around you.
04.
Shufflemancy: Me the machine by Imogen Heap
There is a whole lot going on here mentally. The two of you spend a lot of time talking, for hours upon hours. "Is that the sun?" can become a frequent phrase used when time slips through your fingers as you talk the night away to watch the sunrise. The two of you love to debate, especially in regards to matters you agree on, because it seems you reach the same conclusion from different angles and enjoy discussing each other's detours. They love picking your brain and value your opinions. There is a bit of a hopeless romantic in them, which may catch you off guard every time due to their cerebral nature. They might leave you notes or share songs to express their feelings. To them you are an equal, a missing puzzle piece that helps them see the bigger picture. You two are like the seeker and the explorer. They like holding hands and being close to you, but seem a little hesitant, even months into the relationship. You are certainly the more open and affectionate one, whilst they tend to be a little shy. Their awkwardness is quite charming, though, because they do try their best to show their love and support. Support plays a big role here, too, as they have a lot to teach you in various areas of life and you will grow quite a bit during this relationship. They are an excellent mentor and encourage you to chase your dreams, but are also good at holding you accountable. They can be a little blunt and clumsy with their words, but they mean well and wish for you to be the best that you can be and never sell yourself short. They really won't let anybody talk down on you, least of all you yourself. They have very high standards so any self-loating on your part feels insulting to them. They wouldn't date you if they didn't think you were incredible.
They enjoy your company and express genuine interest in your thoughts and ideas. You share many interests and engaging in them together is a big part of this relationship. You two are stronger together and can face many hardships with greater ease due to how you complete one another. Not in that you aren't whole on your own, but that your individual strengths and weaknesses balance each other out. Where you lack, they're abundant, and vice versa. It really makes for a dynamic duo, albeit one that may from the outside appear mismatched or peculiar. That does not stop you, though, and they especially have very little care for what other people think. The two of you may collaborate on various projects, or work together towards both joint and separate goals. Your minds and talents blend beautifully together, and your relationship is potent with inspiration and motivation. Tackling difficult tasks and the daily grind appears easier when you can delegate things depending on your individual strengths. The source of strife mostly stems from misunderstandings. Both of you value communication, but on occasion words are left unsaid or too much is said without prior thought and one of you gets hurt. This does not seem to ever be on purpose, just accidental slip-ups and thoughtlessness.
05.
Shufflemancy: Boys do cry by Marius Bear
Which one of you brought the gasoline? The dynamic here is hot and heavy. Passionate, as though desperation and need is causing you to crawl into each other's skin and wear each other's hearts. It can get a little crazy, fast paced and wild, in most things that you do. And you may get into quite a bit of trouble together, too. When Billie Eilish said 'I'm the powder, you're the fuse; let's add some friction' the two of you were taking notes. There is a lot of push and pull, and the relationship contains a lot of drama. Though I don't feel like that is wholly unwelcome, strangely enough. It seems beneficial for the two of you to keep each other on your toes, like you both crave some explosive feelings to feel fulfilled. This relationship really isn't for the faint of heart. But whilst others watch in horror, you make each other feel alive in this almost feral dance. They are very protective of you, and you of them. It's like you give each other scary dog privilege because nobody else can swoop in to steal a heart while the other stands on watch. You're both a little possessive, but it boils down to the deep connection you have feeling so intertwined with the very cores of your beings that losing the other would feel like losing yourself. Definitely worth checking yourselves for co-dependency to be sure it does not go overboard, but so long as you keep your individuality intact, this one is one hell of a ride. A ride or die, in fact. You are truly partners in crime and feel dangerously powerful together, like you could take over the world and overcome anything.
I won't sugar coat this: there is a lot of turmoil that the both of you conjure up. Most of the issues in this dynamic stem from the heightened emotions you are both capable of, and if either of you start wielding them as weapons it will cause even more explosive emotions. I will say, though, that this only gets physical in the make up part of the show, as the actual strife is emotional and verbal in nature. Because you care a lot for each other, neither would dare lay a hand on the other. The thought of you getting hurt by them or anyone or anything else would upset them greatly, and it's the same in reverse. You mirror each other a lot, and have much to learn from each other. Much of it will feel heavy and burdensome since you will be facing your own demons within the other person, and that's never easy. Fortunately there is a lot of gentle care here, too. Since you both feel things so strongly and have similar experiences in life, it is much easier for you to sympathise with each other and support each other. This is one of those relationships where you truly do not need to hide or be on your best behaviour, because you have both weathered storms and do not easily flinch when the thunder and lightning begin to roar, and you both provide each other shelter when needed.
06.
Shufflemancy: Light by Sleeping at last
I remember seeing a writing prompt once upon a time with the premise of seeing in greyscale until you lock eyes with your soulmate, and this has that exact energy. It really seems as though this person lead a very monotonous life until you barged in, inviting the sunshine into their life. Because in many ways they view you as the light of their life, they are very protective of you. You bring them much joy, laughter, and relaxation, all things they do very little of, at least successfully, and find themselves more able to partake in the joys of life in your presence. You are a breath of fresh air, as though someone finally opened up a window inside a stuffy office. They see stars in your eyes and they want nothing more than to preserve them, and make them shine even brighter. There is a little bit of a saviour complex here. Anything you struggle with they don an armour for to protect and to serve. Because you nurture their soul and heal their wounds with your tender love and care and expand their horizons with your sense of wonder, they feel compelled to take care of you. It feels almost familial, but not in a weird way. It is as if they want to keep your childlike wonder alive and well, and right any wrongs that come your way. They take a load off your shoulders frequently, and may especially take on all your mundane tasks and paperwork. They love your playful energy and can see that the stuffy stressors of life cage that bird in, and they want to see you soar. This is a very healing connection for both of you. You balance each other out whilst being a mentor for each other, teaching each other your strengths so that you two can feel whole and capable all in your own right. You are both willing to bend, to try new things, allow the other to show you new worlds and explore possibilities. Very likely to lead to marriage, and it would be a very happy and functional one because of the growth you inspire in one another both as individuals and together as one. It's like your relationship begins as a little sapling, slow, but once it has been given the space to grow it grows big and strong and will withstand any storm and leave behind a legacy, like your future children putting up a swing for their children on the tree you two once sowed.
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suuuupernovaaa · 1 year
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zeykoyu
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zeykoyu [zɛj.ˈko.ju] n. healer
Anonymous Request: I would like to request a Neteyam x Na'vi reader with the "you'll never be her trope", where reader is promised to Neteyam, but he loves another. He is sort of a shitty asshole to her, a girl who is a quiet not very well known member of the clan; he treats reader with the coldest shoulder. However, he overhears the girl talking to her friends about how she just using Neteyam to gain status in the clan. He then sees reader for the caring person she is, and grovels for forgiveness.
I have resigned myself to my fate.
In what feels like a very short amount of time, I will be mated for life before Eywa, to a man who does not love me. In fact, he barely seems to tolerate me.
He looks at me with disappointment, and sometimes, it even looks like he feels disgusted by me.
It wasn't always this way. Neteyam used to be a friend, and someone I trusted. He was so kind and good-hearted when we were younger, but he has turned his back on me and come to resent our pairing.
As if it is my choice! I am the next Tsahik of our people, and he the next Olo'eyktan. We are promised to each other from youth, and there's nothing either of us can do that would not cause much upset in the clan, and with our families.
Though Neteyam clearly does not want to be mated to me, even more than that, he does not want to upset his family.
The change in his heart happened just a year ago, and it was slow at first. We went from friends to acquaintances to strangers, and now to near enemies, because of her.
I don't really blame her, though. He fell in love with her, and she can't control that. I felt jealous at first, but over time, as Neteyam has treated me more and more coldly, I have started to hate both of them.
If I'm being honest, I understand why he loves her; she is beautiful, and funny, and many men have had their eyes on her. I am plain, and small, and not many people speak to me. She does seem a better match for someone like Neteyam, and I almost wish we could be free of this pairing.
As much as Neteyam does not want to disappoint his family, I don't want to disappoint our people; I am a talented healer and I will serve our people well as Tsahik.
So I have resigned myself to my fate.
Our fate.
--
Neteyam watches Sa'me from a distance, as she approaches the center of home tree with her friends, dropping off a full fishing net from a day's work.
His heart swells with pride at the woman he loves, and then, he gets angry. These two feelings always accompany each other.
Love and adoration for Sa'me, and disappointment towards his fate. It doesn't matter who he loves; he's promised to Y/N, and he can't get out of it. That's just not how it works.
She is the next Tsahik and he knows, despite how he wants things to be, that she will be an excellent Tsahik for their people. He has to put the people before himself.
But he does not have to be happy about it.
He approches Sa'me and her friends, but their backs are to him as they empty their nets, and as he gets closer, he hears their conversation.
"Aren't you worried, about his upcoming mating ceremony?" one friend asks.
To his surprise, Sa'me laughs. "No! I have gotten what I wanted, and I am relieved it will end soon."
He stops in his tracks, listening closely.
"Sa'me!" a friend chastises.
"Well, I have three offers for my hand, from fine men. I owe that to Neteyam. When they knew he wanted me, that made them want me. I think I'll pick Marek - he's handsome and strong. Neteyam is nice, but too boring for me. Plus, the way he's treated Y/N since we started spending time together... I almost feel bad for her. She will have a miserable life."
The girls laugh, and Neteyam spins on his heel, charging away.
--
He expects sympathy from his sister, but earns only an eye-roll when he tells Kiri what he overheard.
"Well, she's right. You knew you were promised and pursued Sa'me anyway, even though it was kind of obvious what she was doing. And you have been an asshole to Y/N. She's really nice to still put up with you - to even speak with you. You've treated her like dirt the last year, and she's never said a mean thing about you. Even though, she would be right to do it."
Neteyam stares at his sister, slack jawed, unsure whether to feel angry or guilty. A fine mixture of both rises in his chest, and he sighs.
"You used to be friends with her, you know. She's so sweet, and so kind. She's only putting up with your behavior so she can be Tsahik, and not because she cares about the title. She wants to help the People, and knows she'll be able to if she's Tsahik. She just has to marry an asshole to do it."
"Okay, okay," Neteyam says, waving his hand in the air, begging his sister to stop.
"Well, I just don't feel bad for you, Teyam. You need to grow up and deal with what you did."
He rolls his eyes, but he can't deny it: Kiri is right.
--
Without her noticing, Neteyam starts to watch Y/N as much as he can from that day in. Her daily routine is simple. She rises early, and heads into the forest to gather supplies she can use in her healing practice. Once she's done, she begins going around to people who she knows need her help, in and out of their homes all day, gaining hugs and smiles and thanks wherever she goes.
She is soft-spoken, and kind hearted, and her small stature only serves to make her seem more gentle, more dispositioned for healing.
He sees the way people look at her as she approaches - they look at her with relief, and hope, and when she leaves, she leaves people better than she found them.
Neteyam feels sick to his stomach.
He tries to remember what it is about Sa'me that drew him in. He sees her beauty, he can't deny it still, but it's clear now that her beauty is only on the surface.
Did she ever compliment him? Support him? Offer him a kind word?
He can't even remember what they talked about... for a year.
"Neteyam?"
He turns from the tree he's leaning against and sees Y/N approaching, a large basket in her arms.
"You look ill. Are you okay?"
Neteyam wants to tell her he's fine, that she should leave, but he feels light-headed and instead, he sinks to the ground, a sweat breaking out on his brow.
"I'm... okay. My head feels light."
She kneels in front of him, rummaging through her basket. She pours a few things in a cup, and mixes them together with a powder.
"Here," she says, handing it to him. He takes it, his hands touching hers for a second, and he's struck by how small her hands are.
She's so delicate, like a flower, and he has certainly done his best to trample all over her.
The shame he feels is unlike anything he's ever felt before.
The drink is bitter, but it starts working almost immediately, and the faint feeling begins to fade.
"Thank you, Y/N," he says, handing the cup back to her. She takes it with a small smile and a nod, and rises to leave. Neteyam reaches out, grabbing her arm. "Wait."
She turns, frowning down at him. He stands up.
"I want to apologize to you, Y/N. I have been... terrible. I have neglected you, and I have been an asshole. I'm sorry. I would like to start again."
She tilts her head to the side and narrows her eyes, staring deep into him. He wonders if she can see his soul.
--
Of all of the things I thought Neteyam wanted to say to me, 'I'm sorry' was not even on the list.
My instinct is to tell him to go to tell, but there is such a strange look on his face... he still looks sick, and sad, and a little bit ashamed.
Well, he should be. But also - what choice do I have? If Neteyam is offering me a chance to make the best of this situation, shouldn't I take it?
I remember how I felt about him once. Hopeful, excited, nearly in love... but that feeling is so far away now. I'm not sure if there's even a possibility of re-gaining it.
But, it seems smart to try, if we are to have any chance at a happy life.
"Okay," I reply finally. "But I don't think Sa'me will appreciate it."
Neteyam hangs his head for a moment, and then meets my eyes again. "What she appreciates does not matter. You are to be my mate. You are all that matters."
He places a hand over his heart.
I would like to trust him, but it's going to take more than one conversation where he says the right things.
--
It seems I cannot get rid of Neteyam now. When I gather supplies in the morning, he is there. When I make my rounds in the village, he is there. He is always... there.
Not silently, either. He is full of questions. Everything I do and say, he has a question about. If it wasn't endearing, it would be exhausting.
After a week of this, he asks me to take a ride on our ikrans with him - and I can't say no. I have been so busy working lately, that it sounds like a wonderful and welcome break.
Early in the morning, we head out together, and take one of the longest rides I've ever been on. In the air, we twist and turn and glide together, and all the while, Neteyam is whooping and throwing me ear-to-ear smiles.
He gestures to a nearby cave in the floating rocks, and we land together, dismounting. We are both wind-burnt, but smiling.
"I must ask you something," I say.
"Anything," Neteyam replies, chest heaving from the effort of riding.
"Why did you change your mind? About Sa'me?"
His face darkens, and he sighs. "I overheard her talking about how being seen with me has gotten her offers from many fine potential mates, and she doesn't care that I'm promised to someone else."
I wince. Even if Neteyam is a jerk, I don't think anyone deserves to be used like that.
"I'm sorry, Neteyam. Though, that does explain your sudden... interest."
He shakes his head. "No. After I heard what Sa'me said, I went to Kiri and she, uh, pointed out what an asshole I've been. She also pointed out how kind and smart and talented you are, probably to let me know, uh, what an asshole I've been. So I started kind of, uh, watching you. And I realized she was right."
"About what?"
"Well, I am an asshole but... you are the most kind-hearted woman in this clan. And you did not try to withdraw from our match because you deserve to be Tsahik. Not for the title, but because you are best suited to serve our people. You care about them more than yourself. You're selfless. And beautiful. And I was blind to think anyone could be better suited for me."
I bite my lip, and take a step back. "Neteyam, that all sounds very nice, but I..."
He steps forward, reaching out and taking both of my hands in his. "It isn't enough. I know that, Y/N. I don't expect our problems to be solved now. I just want a chance to prove to you, who I really am. What a good mate I can be for you. I can make you happy. I want to. It's all I want."
I can feel the tears gathering in my eyes, and I blink hard to keep them at bay. "I always thought so highly of you, Neteyam. I want us to be happy. I want to try."
He squeezes my hand tightly, pulling me to him.
"I will make you happy. I promise you, Y/N. Please, let me kiss you."
I hesitate for only a moment. The look in his eyes is so sincere, and his eyes fall down to my lips for just a moment, then back up to my eyes, and I can't resist. Everything I want seems to be within my grasp.
He places his hands around my waist, and pulls me in.
"Say yes," he whispers. I can't find my voice, but I nod.
The kiss is explosive. A year of anger, frustration and want packed into one kiss. My body is flush to his, and I feel the tears spilling over, but I can't stop them, and I don't want to pull away.
It feels too good.
I put my hands in his hair, gripping tightly, sighing against his lips, and he groans.
Finally, we pull away, and stare at each other, both breathless.
"I will make you happy, healer," he whispers.
I might believe him now.
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rafesveryrealgf · 4 months
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thinking about fwb!JJ and how he confesses he’s fucking whipped okay so nobody knows you and JJ fuck on the DL. your friends honestly just think that maybe the two of you have crushes on each other but they don't actually think anything else is going on. but boyyy are they wrong. everyone is at the beach (everyone as in the pogues + you) you're wearing your favorite skimpy bathing suit and JJ is not going for it. before the two of you got into the twinkie to head to the beach you'd had a whole minor disagreement with JJ in the chateau about you wearing that bathing suit. when you'd gotten to the beach JJ was almost over the fact that you'd disobeyed his wishes to not wear the bathing suit. that is until he has to go fetch the beer from the twinkie that had been forgotten when unloading everything down to the beach. when he comes back, case of beer in his hand he sees in a distance john b. picking you up off of the towel you'd been so peacefully laying on, throwing you over his shoulder, despite your protest, to run into the water and making sure you're nice and submerged before letting you go. you're both laughing and splashing each other when a furious JJ makes his way to the designated spot to set the beers down. when everyone is done swimming, making their way to where JJ was seated to relax and have a beer, JJ’s annoyance is clear. every time you try talking to him his response is half assed and eventually you just give up. later on when everyone is ready to leave and everything is packed up you guys make your way back to the chateau. when the twinkie is parked JJ is the first to hop out, storming off to his room in the chateau and you quickly follow. "what’s your problem, JJ?" is the first thing you ask when you step in the room. "shut the door." is all he says and of course you do as told. when the door is closed that's when JJ steps near you. "you know, i've never wanted to do this whole friends with benefits thing." your brows furrow at that. you had no clue where this was going. "do you know how fuckin' hard it is to watch guys stare at you and not be able to do anything about it ‘cause we're not together?" he had no idea how much you related to that. constantly having to watch girls throw themselves at him. "-and having to watch my own guy friends crush on you because they don't know about us. ‘bout the things we do." and you're honestly at a loss for words. "JJ, i didn't know-" and he's shaking his head before you can even finish what you were saying and reaching up to let his palm rest on the side of your face. "fuck, i know we had that shitty fuckin' rule about how neither of us can catch feelings but y/n.. i was in love with you way before i was fucking you."
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fluentmoviequoter · 2 months
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Yell at Me and Tell Me You Love Me
Requested Here!
Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem!reader
Summary: You distance yourself from Tim because you think he is still in love with Isabel. When he confronts you about why you've been avoiding him, you accidentally tell him the truth.
Warnings: angst to fluff, argument, friends to lovers, the timeline of Tim and Isabel's relationship is probably off but I needed to make everything fit
Word Count: 3.0k+ words
A/N: The first title I typed was "Yell at Me, Tell Me You Love Me, But Don't Push Me Away" and I'd just like to say (a very sarcastic) you're welcome for shortening it. (Unless you like the original, then I'm sorry.)
Picture from Pinterest
Masterlist | Tim Bradford Masterlist | Request Info/Fandom List
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You met Tim Bradford less than a week after he left the Army and quickly became one of his closest friends. Despite the secret kisses shared without thought, holding each other tightly for no reason, and falling asleep in each other’s arms, you continue to be just friends with Tim Bradford. Being part of his life for so long means you’ve seen more than most. You were at Tim and Isabel’s wedding, gave him a place to stay after the divorce, and you fell in love with him without even trying.
Since his divorce from Isabel, you’ve shared a few more thoughtless kisses, said “I love you” before ending phone calls, and slept in the same bed simply for comfort on more than one occasion. You know you need to stop, however, because Tim is still attached to Isabel, as far as you can tell. She calls occasionally, and he rushes to answer the phone, leaving you like an afterthought as the woman he truly loves becomes available again. You’re unwilling to be a rebound or a distraction while Tim works on his relationship with Isabel, but you can’t decide how to set a boundary you don’t want.
It's nearly midnight, and you can’t sleep with thoughts of Tim running through your head. As you consider the idea of simply giving him space, letting him know that you both have things you need to deal with before you can be his friend again, your phone rings. Tim’s name and face light up your dark room and life before you answer.
“Hey,” you greet.
“Hi. I- did I wake you up?” Tim asks.
“No, I couldn’t sleep.”
“Me neither. Are you okay?”
When Tim asks that question, you realize that the only thing you want from or for Tim is for him to be happy. Alone, in the dark, you acknowledge that the only way for him to be happy is if you are willing to move out of the way of what he really wants. If you step away and give him room to work out his feelings toward Isabel, maybe he can find what he wants and focus entirely on that.
Tim says your name, and you rush to say, “Yeah, I’m fine, just- just thinking.”
“You want me to come over?” he offers.
“No,” you answer quickly – too quickly. “It’s late, and I’m really fine. Are you?”
Tim sighs before answering, “I guess. Isabel called today to tell me she’s going back to rehab. She wants me to come by once a week, act as part of her support plan.”
“Do you think it’s a good idea?”
“I enabled Isabel for so many years that I don’t know.”
“You’ll do the right thing, Tim. You always do.”
A memory of last week, when Tim kissed you during a walk on the beach, flashes through your mind. Was that the right thing?
“Or you have too much faith in me,” he argues.
“I think I have just the right amount of faith in you.”
“It’s your turn to pick dinner on Friday.”
You see an opening to pull back and tighten your grip on your phone as you ask, “Actually, can we skip this week? I’m swamped and don’t know if I’ll be able to make it. I’d hate to leave you waiting.”
Tim hesitates before agreeing, “Sure. Just let me know when you’re free. We can do whatever you want.”
“I will,” you reply softly. “I’m getting tired now, though, so goodnight, Tim. And good luck with Isabel and your decision.”
“Yeah, thanks. Goodnight.”
You bite your tongue to keep from saying I love you one last time, and as you set your phone down, actively pulling away from your best friend, you want to call him back and ask if you ever had a chance. Instead, you press your face into your pillow and force yourself to think about other things as you fall asleep.
✯✯✯✯✯
You sit in bed and stare at your phone as your finger hovers over the star beside Tim’s contact. When you remove him from your favorites list, everything will begin to feel real. Just as you lower your finger, your phone buzzes with a text from Tim. Three simple words make your heart pound as you read them.
Call me, please.
You want more information before you decide to call him or not. Distancing yourself will be hard enough without Tim vying for your attention the entire time you pull away. Clicking the star so it disappears, you make the first step in separating your life from Tim Bradford’s.
“Please be the right choice,” you whisper, staring at his contact photo. “I just want you to be happy. Happier than I could make you.”
An hour later, your phone rings, and you send Tim to voicemail. If it is an emergency, he’ll leave a voicemail. With each unanswered call and text, the time between them lengthens. Maybe Tim has already realized you weren’t as important to him as you both seemed to think.
By the end of the first day not talking to Tim, you want to scream and cry simultaneously. It’s hard to lose a friend, but harder to lose the one person you love. Reminding yourself constantly that you’re doing it for Tim and his happiness, you don’t give yourself time to think about how much your decision and the distance are hurting you. You knew Tim would hurt for a while before finding his way back to Isabel, but you weren’t expecting to feel like a piece of your heart had been ripped out. That’s what you get for giving it to Tim without telling him, you suppose.
✯✯✯✯✯
After a sleepless night of tossing and turning, someone knocks on your door as the sun rises over Los Angeles. You roll out of bed and pull a sweatshirt over your head before looking through the peephole. Tim stands on the other side of the door and speaks before you can think about pretending to be gone.
“I know you’re here,” Tim calls. “I don’t have a lot of time, just wanted to check on you before work.”
After you open the door, you look out at him and give him a closed-lip smile. He looks at you like he can see straight through you, and you wouldn’t be surprised if he could.
“We made a huge arrest last night and a couple of us are going out tonight to celebrate,” he says instead. “Do you want to come out with us?”
“Uh, no, but thanks for the offer. I’ve got a lot going on right now, and-“
“Like what?”
You tilt your head to the side, wondering what he means.
“What’s got you so busy that you can’t even text me back?”
“I- I don’t want to talk about it right now, Tim,” you say, opting to deflect rather than lie. “But congratulations on the arrest and have fun tonight.”
Tim’s jaw tightens as he nods. You watch as he walks away, wishing you could run after him. As you close your door, you decide that slowly pulling back will not work; if you want to give Tim room to find his way back to Isabel, you must leave him.
Pushing your fist against the closed door, you take a deep breath before walking through your place and gathering everything that reminds you of Tim. After placing it in a box, you shove it into your closet. Next, you turn off the notifications in your phone, so you won’t be tempted to answer when he calls or texts. The hurt of losing Tim worsens with each action as you pull yourself further away from him.
“Please be happy,” you beg as you close the door on your box of memories.
✯✯✯✯✯
“You’re grumpier than usual,” Nolan notices. “I mean- sorry,” he adds quickly.
“Timothy,” Angela calls. “A word?”
“No,” Tim replies.
“Bradford, now.”
Tim rolls his eyes as he stands and walks to her desk. She gestures for him to sit, and while he should feel like a kid in the principal’s office, he feels more like a man being told his wife is divorcing him and having to maintain a brave face even as his heart shatters in his chest.
“What do you want, Lopez?” he asks. “No small talk.”
“I wouldn’t dream of trying with you, Timothy. I want to know what’s up with you and why you’re taking it out on everyone here.”
“It’s none of your business.”
“You’re making it our business by pushing your frustration, or whatever it is you’re dealing with, off onto us. Is it Isabel? I heard she’s back in rehab.”
“No,” Tim answers, scoffing as he leans back. “It’s not Isabel.”
“Is there any chance that part of you still cares about her, and even if you’re lying to me and yourself about it, Isabel still affects you?” Angela asks.
“No, Lopez. I can guarantee that this has nothing to do with Isabel. She asked me to visit her as part of her support plan and I told her I would think about it, but the ‘source of my frustration’ hasn’t even let me do that.”
“Timothy, just tell me what’s bothering you and maybe I can help,” she offers quietly.
Tim stands as he replies, “You can’t. The only one who can help me with this is avoiding me.”
Angela’s brows furrow as she wonders who he could be referring to. Tim is adamant this isn’t about Isabel, but Angela can’t think of anyone else with this level of pull over him.
“Let me know if you change your mind and want to talk, Tim.”
“Will do,” he answers, though he and Angela know it’s a lie.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Isabel!” Tim calls, jogging to catch up to her. “Hey.”
“Hi,” she replies, hugging him quickly. “I thought you were going to call my sponsor with your decision.”
“I was, and I did. But I also wanted to let you know, in person, that I can’t be part of your support plan. At least, not right now, not after everything I did over the last few years.”
Isabel nods as she guesses, “You feel partially responsible and don’t want to risk letting me fall back into my old ways. I get it, Tim, but thanks for considering it.”
Tim nods, and Isabel can tell something is bothering him.
“You want to stay? Talk for a bit?” she asks.
“I can’t. I’ve got a work thing,” he replies. “Thank you, though, and good luck with everything. I’ll be back by when I have some time.”
“Tim,” Isabel interjects, wrapping her hand around his forearm. “I recognize that look. I only saw it once, and it didn’t turn out well for me. Whatever it is you want to say to whoever it is, just say it.”
“I don’t know how,” Tim admits.
“My take: if she’s important enough to affect you like this, you’ll find a way to let her know what you’re feeling.”
“What if she doesn’t care, Isabel?”
“I can’t tell you what to do, Tim, but I can tell you that waiting too long doesn’t make things any easier… I have to go, I’ve got a group meeting, but, Tim, what’s worth the risk: saying something or keeping it quiet until it’s too late?”
Tim nods before he waves as Isabel turns toward another building. Tim texts Nolan that won't be at the celebratory gathering while he walks to his truck. He knows where he needs to go but doesn’t know how to deal with everything once he gets there. Hopefully, seeing you will give him the right words to say.
✯✯✯✯✯
You broke your heart trying to let Tim be happy and keep yourself from getting hurt in the fallout of losing him. Your house seems bare, every picture and memory of Tim tucked away in a failed attempt to keep your mind off him. A knock draws you out of your miserable reverie. Whoever it is knocks again when you leave it unanswered, the sound harsher and louder than the first time. 
“Coming!” you call.
You open the door without thinking and are surprised to see Tim standing on the other side.
“Can I come in?” he asks in response to your stunned silence.
Say no, your mind says, but your heart makes you step back and invite him inside again. Pushing him away the second time will be much worse, but you can’t seem to stay away from Tim.
“Whenever you’re ready,” Tim says.
He leans against your kitchen counter with his arms crossed, waiting for an explanation you don’t want to give. The whole point of making room for him and Isabel to reconcile (like he wants) was for Tim to figure it out himself.
“Ready for what?” you ask defensively.
Tim shakes his head and scoffs as he tightens his arms over his chest. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? After everything we’ve been through together, you really expect to avoid me without an explanation or question?”
“Everything we’ve been through?” you repeat incredulously. “We’re friends, Tim. Friends stop hanging out when one of them gets busy.”
“Oh, now we’re friends? Were we friends when you crawled into my bed three weeks ago, or when we were making out on the beach? Because that didn’t feel very friendly,” he snaps.
“No, we weren’t friends; I was just a woman who made a mistake,” you reply.
“Am I your friend or am I a mistake?” Tim demands. “Because you can’t seem to keep your story straight. It’s a simple question: why are you avoiding me?”
“If I’m such a bad friend, why does it matter, Tim?”
Tim pushes off the counter, stepping toward you. His jaw clenches, and his biceps flex as he raises his arms in question. You would kiss him any other time, but right now, you’re angry that he can’t just trust you are busy. Granted, it is a lie, but you don’t appreciate the accusation, which is likely your emotions talking.
“I’m not answering your question unless you answer mine,” he says.
“Then I guess we’re not going anywhere.”
Tim looks up at the ceiling before asking, “Why?”
“I’m not going to stand here and argue with you all night. If you think I’m a liar, just say it, Tim!”
“Well, you are the one keeping secrets.”
“So, what, you think I’m avoiding you? Then get out and let me!” you demand.
“And go where? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not surrounded by friends, and I thought you were one of the few I had, but I can see now that I made a mistake.”
“Me too.”
“I’m sorry that your precious, perfect little world decided to turn you into this,” Tim seethes, looking into your eyes as he steps toward the door.
You move with him, chest to chest, as you yell, “And I’m sorry that you couldn’t figure out I love you enough to let you go back to Isabel!”
Tim falls silent, and your chest heaves with anger. You realize what you admitted, drop your gaze to Tim’s chest, and lick your lips before lowering your voice to speak again.
“Maybe I was stupid for chasing after you when I knew you weren’t interested, that your heart would always be with someone else. I thought that someday you’d realize that everything I’ve done over the last few years has been for you; I’ve been chasing you just to find out that I never had a chance.”
“I don’t want to go back to Isabel,” Tim says after a moment of tense silence. “I went to see her today to tell her that I couldn’t be there for her anymore. If I’ve been acting different, chasing after someone, it’s because I’m falling for you.”
“You don’t fall,” you argue quietly.
“You deserve better,” Tim adds. “I don’t remember what it’s like to share my life with someone who cares about me and wants the same thing.”
You nod and try to step back, but Tim moves with you. The couch is right behind you, and you have nowhere to go, so you look into Tim’s eyes.
“I am not in love with Isabel,” Tim repeats. “You really started avoiding me because you thought I was?”
“What else was I supposed to do?”
“You could have asked instead of forcing me to start a yelling match for answers,” Tim replies, his lips quirking up into a small smile.
“I want you to be happy, Tim,” you explain. “And I thought that couldn’t happen if I was in the way.”
“You’re not in the way. You’re exactly where I want you.”
“Where is that?” you ask, leaning toward Tim.
“Right in the middle of my life.”
You raise your arms over Tim’s shoulders, smiling as his hands meet your waist. Tim pushes you against the back of the couch as he kisses you. He moves a hand up to cradle your head as you move with him. This kiss differs from the others; there is a need for more, an apology, and love coursing through you and Tim. Tim pulls back, and you pant for air as he places his hands on either side of your hips and leans forward.
“Just talk to me next time, would you?” he requests.
“And miss out on this? No way,” you argue.
“Don’t seem so excited about getting to yell at me for so long.”
 “You’ve never kissed me like that before,” you say before you distract Tim by moving your hands to his chest.
“You’ve never told me you love me before today.”
“Sorry I had to avoid you for a while to confess it.”
“Maybe we can do it again soon, without the insults before.”
“I don’t know,” you muse. “Insults and yelling are kind of your thing.”
Tim cuts you off, kissing you again and tipping you over the back of the couch. You laugh as he catches himself and hovers over you.
“I love you too, even though you were too blind to see I felt the same,” Tim whispers.
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llamagoddessofficial · 3 months
Text
An HMF x OC commission from @radpunch that made me swoon ❤️ any chance to write this big lug, I'll take!!
---
It was love at first sight. 
Looking out his car window was, oddly, one of the few joys he still had. It was such a strange thing to look forward to. Papyrus wouldn’t allow him to drive anymore, given the state of him, and although it frustrated him to lose his agency having a driver meant he could sit in the backseat and stare out of the tinted window. 
... He was sick and tired of the way everything would stop when he entered a room. He was sick of the world that refused to forget the parts of him he wanted to forget, but at the same time, forgot the things he desperately wished to hold onto.
His eyelight rolled over the street, taking in it all. The colours, the sounds, the sights. He could almost forget what had happened to him. He got the sense of normalcy he had been missing, craving, for so long; nobody could gawk at him like they usually did, nobody even knew he was there. From the safety of that bulletproof box he could see how the normal world went on. People bustling up and down the streets, moving in and out of stores, chatting with friends or arguing with each other, laughing and yelling and living their lives.
How things used to be.
His eyelight landed on something that should’ve been another normal sight. An entirely unremarkable flower shop, sat between a cafe and small family market. It was the kind of area he and his brother would’ve collected protection from in the early days of their ‘business’. There were flowers arranged outside of the store, grey metal buckets full of bouquets set spaced across a low wooden table.
... There was a human woman tending to the flowers. Your apron was the same colour as the store’s green banner.
...
His Soul stilled inside his chest.
“... stop the car,” he said, before he even knew he was speaking.
You weren’t doing anything particularly incredible, nor noteworthy. You blended in with the rest of the people on that busy street - standing outside your shop. Watering the plants? Pruning them? He couldn’t tell from this distance.
Impressively, the driver had heard his mumbled command, shifting down a gear despite the look from the bodyguard in the passenger seat. 
“Where would you like to get out, sir?”
... It was strange. But Sans missed the days when his drivers would question him. It just wasn’t the same now that nobody ever even thought of challenging his word. Sir, this isn’t where we’re stopping. Sir, Papyrus said we must be there at eight, we cannot pull over. Sir, I’m under express orders not to let you go to the bar. 
Now, even the slightest sign of questioning would probably be considered stupid. 
“... florist.”
Sans didn’t miss the second strange look the bodyguard gave to the driver. He would’ve felt anger at that, usually, but instead he watched intently as you headed into the shop.
The driver pulled up to the side of the road, a few cars’ distance from the entrance to the store. Sans opened the car door. 
“How long will you be, sir?” the guard asked. 
Sans didn’t reply; he often didn’t, these days. He merely stepped out of the car. He knew the driver would wait.
The second he exited the vehicle, Sans saw the world around him realise he was there, and react with its usual amount of terror and disgust. His presence was always a blight. People in the street immediately began to stare, freezing in their path, refusing to cross in front of the giant that had just appeared. A mother with a child who had been walking their way suddenly spotted him, and jerked her child by the arm, turning the two of them around and rushing in the other direction.
Usually, he only had to pretend that he didn’t care. But this time, he genuinely didn’t. 
... He was excited.
Sans made his way over to the flower shop, ignoring all the tiny people that flitted away from him. His Soul was... beating. It was beating, thudding against his ribcage. 
He opened the door, ducking slightly under the frame. A tiny bell chimed.
... It was such a quaint little store. Clearly strapped for space, every corner was occupied with pretty things; while one wall was dedicated to shelves full of decorative pots and bottles of flower feed, the rest of the store was bursting with different kinds of blossoms, arranged in all kinds of creative ways. Every taste was catered to - elegant bouquets of dark paddle-leaves and pale lilies, stringy minimalist green stalks dotted with clusters of tiny blossoms, extravagant bunches of pink that more resembled floral fireworks than anything natural. A blackboard displayed bouquet prices, with sweet little illustrations of the various bridal styles available. *Please note that out-of-season flowers might be more expensive!
And at the far end, behind the counter... by far the prettiest thing in the whole room.
You.
Whatever had happened to him in the car, it happened again. His chest was tight, his head was swimming. His Soul felt heavy, and hot, he was certain it had manifested itself inside his ribcage - it felt as if it was twice its usual size. Everything was brighter, more saturated.
You did look at his head crack when he entered. Everyone did. You glanced up from the bouquet you were organising, a classic bunch of perfectly red roses; but your eyes quickly skirted away from the injury, aware that you were staring, and probably not wanting to be rude. It was more politeness than most bothered to afford him.
... Then you smiled at him.
He literally felt his Soul pulse. All his breath escaped him at the same time. You were smiling? At him? People didn’t smile at him anymore, not genuinely. Their smiles were sly and patronising when they assumed he was stupid, or desperate and weak when they were a cornered animal doing their best to appear nonchalant in the face of a predator. 
This smile... your smile...
“Hi sir,” you said, in a voice like a lullaby. “what can I get for you?”
What could you get for him? He hadn’t even started thinking about that. He had just seen you across the road, and followed you like a lost dog. His eyelight scanned the shelves; he couldn’t say he’d ever been into a florist before, nor that he knew how to order a bouquet.
“... what’s...” For the first time in a long time, he was really really trying to get his words right. He was willing to put in the effort. “... your name?”
“Dove. You?”
It took him a moment to remember his own name. 
“sans.” 
Everything about you was soft. You had little lines around your smile that he wanted to trace with his claws. “It’s nice to meet you. Is there anything you’re looking for?”
you. “... just flowers.”
To his surprise, you giggled. It was a small sound, but it shot through him like lightning.
“Of course. My bad.”
“... was lookin’ for... somethin’ pretty.” He stared across the room at you, emboldened by your laugh. “... think i already found it, though.”
You went pink, and looked down at the counter.
Sans was... 
... Well, he was shocked. 
When was the last time his attention had incited anything except absolute terror? Regardless of gender, even just a glance from would make people shudder and cower, retreating into themselves. But here you were, blushing at his first attempt at flirting in what must’ve been years. He almost didn’t know what to do with himself.
... He couldn’t remember a single instance, after his injury, where he genuinely wanted someone. He had a vague aesthetic interest in a member of a rival gang, once, but she’d been so frightened by him staring at her that he quickly gave that up. He hadn’t felt these kinds of feelings in a long time. 
... In fact... now that he was looking at you and your lovely nose and lips, he couldn’t remember a single instance before his injury when he felt this strongly about someone. His younger self had been a playboy who chased anything pretty and distracting. 
He’d never felt these warm, intense, fluttery sensations before.
It felt like love.
“What’s the occasion?” you asked him. “For the flowers, I mean.”
He approached the counter. “... a gift.”
“Are there any particular flowers or colours you have in mind?”
“... which... flowers do you like?”
Your blush hadn’t gone away. Was he just seeing things because he was desperate, or were you leaning on the counter like that to be flirtatious? “Oh... I know it’s stereotypical to say as a florist, but I can’t pick a favourite. I like so many of them.”
His eyelight lingered on your neck. He didn’t want to make assumptions and scare you off. But at the same time, he wanted so much. “how come?”
“Well... there’s a lot of folklore behind flowers. Pretty much all flowers have certain meanings.” You kept fiddling with the roses, changing the position of blooms. “The Victorians were really into it, they got super specific, even down to which hand you gave flowers with. Nobody really cares about that kind of thing nowadays, they just want the bouquets to look good. Which is fair enough. But every time I find out the hidden meaning of a flower, I think about how someone long ago must’ve loved that flower enough to give it so much meaning. And I get all emotional.”
You looked up at him, your eyes glistening in the light. He dug his thumb into the side of his index finger to stop himself from reaching out and caressing your face.
“... Y’know, it does make me laugh, sometimes, when people pick rude flowers without knowing their meaning.” You looked up at him from under your eyelashes. “They have no idea they’re sending a bouquet that would’ve meant ‘I don’t trust you, and I’m extremely disappointed with you’.”
He couldn’t help but smile when you smiled. That... was kinda funny. Papyrus would like this sort of thing.
“what kinda messages... can you send?”
“Almost anything.” You moved the roses to the side. “I can’t say I know many off the top of my head. Romantic love, platonic love, wisdom, bravery. There’s a lot for love. My favourites are the mean ones, though, because it’s so funny to me - orange lilies used to mean hatred. Could you imagine getting orange lilies delivered to your door?”
... He chuckled. He could listen to you talk forever. 
“... could i...” he hummed. “... get somethin’... with a meaning?”
Your whole face lit up. You beautiful thing.
“Of course! I don’t think I’ve ever actually gotten to make a bouquet that uses flower language." You were beaming. "What message were you thinking of?”
He looked right into your lovely, shiny eyes. “love at first sight.”
... He could see exactly how your mind worked, in that moment. There was an instant of surprise, then a glimmer of flattery and embarrassment, it came with another flash of warmth across your face that only deepened the colour in your cheeks. He could tell you were immediately trying to pull yourself back, convincing yourself he couldn’t mean you, reigning in the sudden feelings.
“Whoever it’s for must be very lucky.” You tucked some hair behind your ear. If only you knew. “Hold on, just let me grab my flower language book.”
You rushed over to a shelf. As you did, he looked down to double check that his Soul wasn’t shining through his clothes.
“Here.” You came back quickly, holding the book in question, already leafing through it. It was a faded beige, with beautifully illustrated blossoms on the front, encased in an embossed golden border. “This should help.”
He wanted to purr. You were so cute. Moving around with so much excitement, he liked when you were excited.
“There’s a few, I think. You’re in luck, we have these in stock.” He wasn’t paying attention to the book, he was just looking at you. “Thornless roses - gloxinia too. This one says that lilac roses are good to represent first love. We could make some really nice arrangements with these shapes and colours.”
just keep talking, was all he could think. talk to me forever...
Eventually, you looked up at him, still smiling. He had to physically fight the urge to just pick you up and walk out the door. “What size were you thinking?”
“... whatever... you think... looks best.” He wanted you to have fun with it. “... money’s... no object.”
“I think something medium would be good for these flowers. Anything bigger and it'll just look silly. Any particular styles?”
“... somethin’ romantic.”
You gently giggled. He guessed that that wasn’t a proper bouquet style. Usually, when people laughed at him, he felt the urge to cave in their skull... but when you laughed at him, he laughed too, a soft chuckle escaping his massive chest. His mind was racing to figure out why you laughed, so he could make you do it again. 
“i like your laugh,” he said, before he could stop himself.
“... I like yours, too.” Your voice was sweet. Almost... coy?
He was daring to hope that, despite his gruesome injury, you liked him too. 
... The store bell let out a little chime.
Sans turned around. And, much to his immediate aggravation, he saw his guard standing at the entrance.
“Hello.” Your voice was very different to the one you were just using with him. Far more customer service, far more ‘normal’. “I’ll be with you in a moment.”
The guard ignored you, looking to Sans. “Sir, you...”
Sans’ glare must’ve said shut the fuck up fluently enough to make the man close his mouth again. 
don’t you dare. don’t you fucking dare ruin this for me.
“... Do you two need to speak in private?” You had probably lived in this city long enough to know when it was time to make yourself scarce. “It’s fine, I can go make the bouquet while you talk.”
... He nodded. 
“... sorry. s’cuse me.”
You disappeared away, into the back of the store.
...
He turned to the guard. He could feel his eyelight starting to burn, sharpening and filling with aggressive magic. 
“what.”
The guard visibly shrank into himself. Sans didn’t even want guards, he didn’t fucking need them, he could more than handle himself. But Papyrus was still shaken from the incident to this day, and wouldn’t let him anywhere without at least one armed guard.
“S-sir, we’re... we’ll be late,” he said. 
Sans didn’t care. The clowns he was meeting with would wait for him like nervous children, no matter how long he took to arrive. As the moments ticked by, the guard just withered more and more under Sans’ stare. 
...
He eventually sighed, through his nasal cavity. Being around you had softened his mood significantly. He didn't even feel like breaking anything.
“i’ll tell... pap... you tried to rush me.”
... A wave of relief passed over the guard’s face. Though Sans was the one most feared, Papyrus’ wrath was still nothing to sneeze at. 
“Here!” Your voice snapped him back to attention. He turned around, just in time to see you set an arrangement down on the counter. “What do you think? I’m happy to make adjustments.”
... It was lovely. Really lovely. He leaned in to get a closer look. He knew what lilacs and roses looked like, but he couldn’t say he’d ever seen a gloxinia before; they resembled open roses, lipstick red petals with ruffled white edges. Gloxinia and bunches of lilacs were interspersed by small lavender-hued closed rosebuds... minuscule baby’s breath flowers had been added too, on their thin stalks, floating over it all like stars.
“... s’perfect,” he murmured. You immediately smiled wider. Who would’ve known he’d grow a fondness for flowers?
He took out his wallet, rummaging until he had enough bills. It didn’t take long. He pushed them across the counter to you, and you graciously picked them up. 
“Do you mind me asking who the lucky someone is?” you asked, starting to count what he’d given.
... Sans pushed the flowers across the counter a little, over to you.
“gotta go.” he murmured. “... late.”
...
You looked up at him, blankly. It was such a cute expression on your pretty face. Again, he was restraining the urge to purr, it would just be too inappropriate to do in public. Especially with someone else right behind him. Maybe if the two of you were alone...
“Huh?”
He turned, nodding to the guard, who made his way over to the door and opened it for him. As much as he wished he could just skip the meeting and stay there in that shop with you forever, he did have business to attend to. 
You sounded flustered, behind him. “W-wait. You gave me too much,”
Sans waved over his shoulder at you. 
The walk back to the car was a blur. His soul was still thundering. He genuinely wasn’t looking at the people around him, he didn’t care what they thought. All he cared about was what you thought.
All he was thinking about was the different ways he could make you his.
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