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bobwess · 1 year

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May I offer you another fanfic?

[In this trying time? One-shot. Finale fix-it. SPN. Deancas.] (D'yer Ma'ker also on Ao3)

(It got a polishing before it went on ao3: this is copied from my fanfiction net account so there may be slight editing errors or repetition.)

Sam had been walking past Dean's room when he heard the phone ring. He considered letting it go to voicemail, but Dean wouldn't be back from a breakfast run for another half hour, and if they knew Dean's number, someone could really be hurt.

The younger hunter froze when he heard the voice on the other end. "Cas?"

"Sam…"

"How-?"

"Jack brought me back." There was a pause that sounded like Cas was struggling to describe whatever just happened. "I still don't… I'm a bit more than an hour away. I wanted to let you know-"

"No, Cas." Sam said firmly, feeling a wave of concern. "Don't… not uh… not here."

The angel on the other line went notably quiet.

Sam closed his eyes. "I mean… let me come out and meet you. Where are you exactly?"

"Fairbury."

"Nebraska?"

"Yes."

"I'll come to you. Open the phone book and meet me at the first motel on the list."

Cas paused again, but finally he let out his breath. "Alright."

Sam pulled up outside a bland motel with a sign that looked like it hadn't been touched since the fifties. He clocked the familiar tan coat right away, and he picked up the pace. He grabbed a bag from the back of the car and took a deep breath to ground himself. It didn't help.

Sam only began to relax half way through testing him. Silver, holy water, borax. He kept at it until he was running down every test he'd ever heard of, including several he'd only recently read about in Men of Letters texts.

Cas was quiet during each step, obeying each request with an expression that reflected understanding for the scrutiny.

Sam looked at him warily. "Your grace…"

Cas nodded, pulling enough grace that his eyes reflected a soft blue instead of the glowing red Sam was worried about.

The younger hunter let out a breath, his shoulders sagging in relief. "Sorry, man."

"How long has it been?" Cas brushed it off.

"Almost two and a half months." He sat down on the chair opposite him. "We didn't think you were coming back." Sam frowned. "At first we thought maybe Jack would bring you back, but he didn't answer our prayers and… well, we sort of thought that was it."

"It took him some time to figure out how to get in there."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, okay."

Cas considered his next question for a moment, not sure what answer he wanted to hear. "Dean didn't want to-"

"I didn't tell him." Sam cut in. "I left a note saying I was going out for a bit."

Cas gave a short nod. "You didn't want to tell him before you knew it was me."

"He just barely has started to come to terms with it." Sam admitted softly. "I couldn't undo that if…"

"If I wasn't me."

Sam nodded.

Cas bowed his head. "I have to talk to him."

"Yeah." Sam said softly. "Let me break the news to him first."

Cas studied him for a moment. "Alright."

It was after midnight by the time they reached Lebanon.

Cas looked up at the decaying factory looming overhead as Sam pulled to a stop in front of their recessed entrance. He felt something in him stir before he swiftly clamped down on it, trying to focus on the facts.

He was home.

His resolve immediately wavered. Was he home? He left Dean with his last confession… the chances they could go back to the way things were felt slim. He didn't think Dean would ask him to leave; Dean would feel too guilty. It would be up to him to determine if it was uncomfortable enough he should go anyway.

Cas shoved it down again. No use speculating. It was time to just see what happened. He followed Sam down the cement steps and through the heavy metal door. He closed his eyes, feeling the sound reverberate through the map room and library, the sound so familiar it almost hurt. He hadn't realized how much he ached for this. To be here again. To come back.

He must've hesitated just too long, and Sam caught on. "He's not here."

Cas looked at him.

"He's, in his words, bar hopping and looking for chicks."

"Oh."

Sam rolled his eyes. "He has the impala parked about a mile into the woods." He started down the stairs ahead of Cas. " It's, what, 2am? If he hasn't drank himself unconscious by now, he will shortly."

"He-"

"Every night for a month now."

Cas shut his mouth, taking in that new information. He felt a small shudder down his spine as he tried to sort it through. "I see." He settled at last.

"Come on. Make yourself at home." Sam threw him a sheepish glance. "I am going to head to sleep if that's alright. It's been a long night, and I'd like to be back from my run in time to talk to Dean."

"Of course." Cas said easily.

"Alright." Sam stopped, giving Cas one last long look. "I'm glad you're back." He said. "Good night."

After Sam left, Cas stood for a moment, completely unsure of where to go or what to do. It felt almost made up, as if this was perhaps just another torture, another illusion dreamed up by the empty. But he knew it wasn't. The empty could only show him sins of his past, and this definitely didn't happen before.

He stopped in the library, eyes finding the table almost immediately. He took a step forward, following the new additions to Sam and Dean's name carved into the wood. He felt his chest clench, and for a moment he was horrified with the strength of the emotions that came from seeing it.

It felt like something, something he couldn't put a word to.

He decided to leave it for a time he was better equipped to deal with that.

It was by instinct that he found his way to the room Dean had dubbed his. He had initially thought it was silly, Dean giving a room to him when he was an angel. Deep down he knew Dean was compensating for throwing him out when he was newly human. He had forgiven Dean for that a long time ago, but he knew that would not slow Dean's insistence on torturing himself. Thus, he accepted the room without argument.

Inside was still mostly bare. There was a thin layer of dust that confirmed no one had been inside in weeks, but still it was clear that someone had been in at some point after he had died.

The bed was pristinely made; In fact the whole room was neater than he left it.

Hung carefully over the chair was a green jacket with a rusted bloody handprint on the shoulder. On the desk was a straw hat, and a mixtape with a hand written label. Tucked underneath was a photograph Dean had forced Sam to take.

"Texas Rangers." Dean had said, clearly beyond pleased that they had been mistaken for such. "Come on, Cas. Give us your best blue steel." He hadn't known what Dean meant, but he did his best to mimic his expression, and it must have done alright because Dean seemed pleased with the result.

Cas recognized that this was the type of memorial that Dean might put together in lieu of a headstone. He ran his hand over the sleeve of the jacket, vaguely remembering grabbing Dean's shoulder and pushing him from danger. He hadn't noticed the mark he was leaving behind.

His expression settled into a sad smile. The irony of his first and last contact mimicking so closely was not lost on him. The symmetry was almost poetic, though he supposed it was somewhat spoiled by his return. He knew Dean wouldn't think of it that way.

He retreated once more, deciding to walk the halls and reacquaint himself with this place he hoped he might still call home.

Dean sprang awake, jumping upright so fast he caught his side on the steering wheel, causing a sharp bite of pain to shudder up his ribs. He hissed before taking a minute to try to slow his breathing to a more reasonable pace. He scrubbed his hand over his face, trying to blur the memory of the dream.

He took a final shaky breath before straightening up on the bench. He looked around, trying to find a landmark, something to focus him. The steel walls of the car felt like they were getting closer, crushing in on him.

Dean decided to take advantage of the adrenaline rush to find his way back home. He wasn't sober, but was guilty to admit head driven in worse shape before.

When he saw Sam's car outside he pulled around into the garage. Walking inside, he considered briefly going to his room and trying to get a few more hours of restless sleep, but decided against it. He was still too wound up from his rough awakening. He instead turned and headed towards the kitchen on auto-pilot.

The gentle hum of the industrial fridge somehow felt oppressive. He considered not for the first time that he should really invest in a pair of headphones that could play nice with his phone. Sure, they wouldn't be as good as the ones for his laptop, but honestly the silence was killing him.

During the day he could fill his time. Talking with Sam, occasionally taking a case. But there were too many moments with too much room for thinking. That wasn't good for him. Or at least not when he was in a mood like this.

It took a moment to realize he was staring into the fridge, the cold seeping out sending a shiver up his spine. He vaguely looked down, noticing for the first time that he had left without a jacket; No wonder he had felt cold in the impala. October was bringing the first whispers of cold.

Right. Still staring into the fridge. Moving on auto-pilot Dean began piling things on the counter. He turned on the stove, staring at the flame for a second before he remembered to grab a pan and put it down to heat up.

He felt like he was swimming. Like his body was moving on its own. He was just a passenger, drifting with the tide.

And apparently making breakfast.

He set a carton of eggs on the counter.

Normally he wouldn't be doing this until a more reasonable hour of morning. Though, he reasoned, normally he wouldn't have stumbled back in until almost seven. He usually timed it to try and get back while Sam was out on his morning run.

Maybe this was better. If he hurried, maybe he could eat and be done before Sam ever woke up. Catch a few more hours of… well, probably not sleep, but he could lay down on his bed with his headphones on and block out the world for a bit. Then he could emerge and they'd start their day. Maybe he'd look for a case. Maybe he'd try to find something else to do. Maybe Sam would be up to a day outside the bunker.

No, he remembered. Sam had plans to go to Eileen's for a few days. Fine. Case it is.

Dean had been taking more cases on his own. With Sam backing up Eileen, he didn't feel he had a choice. Sometimes he told Sam before he left, other times he'd call with an update from the road. Sometimes he'd never tell him at all. He was aware it probably wasn't the best practice, but he really couldn't stop himself.

He looked at the pan, and then at the stove, frowning as he realized the pan was way too hot. He sighed, turning down the heat, resigning himself to the fact that he'd have to wait for it to cool again before he could add the eggs. Waiting again. Yeah, maybe I'll buy some headphones tomorrow.

Cas was so far lost inside his thoughts he was surprised to have completely missed hearing the obvious signs that Dean had returned. He was entirely unprepared to turn the corner of the kitchen and find himself within feet of the hunter.

Dean's back was turned to him, and he froze, with no idea what to do.

"What the hell are you doing up so early?" Dean asked, assuming the figure behind him was his brother. "Nevermind. You want eggs?"

Cas opened his mouth but he had no idea what to say.

"Just gonna stand there and-" Dean turned, green eyes meeting blue, and a deafening shock split through him, as a fresh wave of adrenaline took hold again. He moved back, bumping the stove, hissing as his arm swung back and into the searing hot pan.

"Dean-" Cas said, acting on instinct and reaching out a gentle hand. He had just grazed Dean's arm with the intention of healing him when Dean wrenched out of Cas' touch, quickly rounding the kitchen counter, keeping it between them.

Dean reached back for a gun, coming up empty, and cursing his stupidity for ever leaving the bunker unarmed. He acted on instinct, grabbing a knife from the butcher's block and holding it at the ready. "You're not here." He accused, so quietly Cas wouldn't have picked it up without his angelic hearing..

"Jack brough-"

"No." Dean cut him off. His voice betrayed a bone deep exhaustion, but it was firm. "Jack brought everyone back months ago. Not you."

"It took him time."

"Bullshit."

Sam had been readying to head out on his morning jog a bit early when he heard the voices. "Shit." He had been hoping he'd have more time before Dean was home… he needed to break the news himself. Too late now. He hurried his step, walking in just as Dean tightened his hand on the knife, gauging whether or not to use it.

The air felt fragile, and he took care to walk into the room slowly. "Dean, put down the knife."

Dean didn't move, keeping his gaze directly at Cas.

Sam put his hands up slightly, trying to diffuse some of the tension. "It's him. I've run him through every test we know how to do."

"No, Sam. It's just Lucifer." Dean closed his eyes. "It's just a dream."

Sam's face scrunched. "No Dean, it's not."

"It always is." Dean waited. Every night he has the nightmare. He gets the call and goes running. He's on a case and he sees him. A hundred variations on getting Cas back, and it's always Lucifer.

"Not this time." Sam shook his head. "It's him."

No one moved, the blanket of silence punctuated only by the gas flame of the stove and the old fridge.

Both Cas and Sam flinched when Dean threw the knife onto the metal table, the sound feeling as loud as a gunshot after the extended quiet. "No." He repeated firmly. "It's not." Ignoring Sam's repeated pleas to stay, Dean turned on heel and left.

Sam watched him go, debating on whether or not to follow him, but he didn't really think it would help any. Dean needed to calm down, and maybe sober up before it would do any good to try to explain. Feeling suddenly exhausted, he made sure to switch off the stove before sinking down at the table.

"He's just…" Sam struggled to find a way to word it. "He's covering for how freaked he is."

Cas stared at the door, feeling an almost unbearable wave of disappointment. He blinked a few times, watching Sam sit and deciding to sit across from him.

"Dean has been pretty messed up." Sam looked over at him. "A couple of days after you…after you two faced Death, Lucifer got into the bunker. He called Dean's phone using your voice, asking to be let inside."

Cas closed his eyes. "Jack neglected to mention that in his summary of events."

"I think it's going to take a bit of time to really believe it's you." He sighed, taking a moment. "Cas, whatever happened down there. He couldn't get past it."

"Did he-"

"No, he never talked about it." Sam confirmed, guessing where the question was going. "And it's not my business, but Dean's barely had a handle on it." He shook his head. "He's covering now… and that's good. It's progress. Right after… well. I was worried about him." He gave a short humorless laugh. "Who am I kidding, I'm still worried about him. He's grinding. Case after case, without me most times."

"Alone?"

Sam nodded. "And when he's here… He calls your name sometimes, when he's dreaming. He won't talk about them but…" He sighed. "We didn't think you were coming back. After the phone call. After Jack brought everyone back but you. We really didn't think you were coming back."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to tell me that."

"I'll tell him too."

Dean didn't allow himself to process a single thought between the kitchen and the exit. It was only after the bunker's main door clang shut behind him that he realized he had no idea where he was going.

With the impala in the garage, he didn't have a real course of action. He could hot-wire Sam's car, but he didn't really know where to go. He stumbled slightly, balancing himself against the cool concrete for a second. Still drunk. Also a reason not to steal Sam's ride.

He shivered slightly, realizing he had still failed to grab his coat. Oh well. It's not like you can do anything now.

Nothing made sense.

It was Lucifer. It was always Lucifer. That never changed. He never got away before it happened. He had never made it outside, to be greeted with the painful lack of wildlife sounds, to feel the uncomfortable cold against his bare arms.

It was always Lucifer.

But this time it wasn't.

Deep down he felt something give. This time it wasn't. It happened too differently. It felt too real. He ran his fingers over his arm. His blistered skin barely registered over the sheer panic he felt coursing through his body. He could hear his blood pounding in his ears.

Jack brought him back. It took him time.

No. He thought. It isn't true.

But it was.

Cas was back.

Static filled his head, that looping thought the only one that stuck.

Cas was back.

He didn't know what to do with that. He couldn't do anything with that. It couldn't be. Impossible. Never going to happen.

It's real.

Sam decided to forgo his morning run, wanting to be there to run interference whenever Dean finally decided to come back inside. Once changed, he settled into the library to listen for his brother's return. It didn't come.

So he read. And read. Occasionally he'd glance up at the entrance, waiting as if staring at the door would will it to open. But it didn't.

At half past two, Sam glanced at his watch, frowning, feeling a small twinge of concern, followed quickly by a swiftly settling dread. His car. He acknowledged for the first time there was a high possibility his brother wasn't there at all.

Sam pulled himself to his feet, trying to force himself to be casual, setting aside the book and stretching. He fought to keep his pace slow and steady as he traced Dean's path out of the bunker, stepping into the chilled mid-afternoon air. He blinked a few times, the sun somewhat blinding. He looked around, squinting against the light reflected back against the lingering dampness from the morning frost, making the ground almost glitter. His gaze finally found his brother.

Dean had clearly broken into his car, but he hadn't gone anywhere. Instead both rear doors were wide open, and Dean was laid across the bench seat on his back. His legs were crossed, feet hanging out the other side, and his head rested in the door frame closest to him. He was staring up at the car roof. "Dude… you're letting bugs in." Sam muttered before he could help himself.

"Too cold. Not many bugs." Dean said absently, shifting slightly to try and wrap his arms a little closer to his chest.

Sam sighed, walking up and leaning against the closed driver door. He resigned himself to quietly waiting for Dean to say something.

"You're sure it's him?"

"Completely."

Dean closed his eyes, a hand coming up to push back his hair and rest on his head. He took a slightly unsteady breath, letting it out slow. He didn't open his eyes. "How?"

Sam scuffed the dirt with his shoe, resting his heel against a small rock. "He says Jack got him out. That it took him a long time to figure out how to get in."

"Mmh." Dean took another slow breath, trying to pull his head back from the weird detached static that had yet to fade. Sam repeating Cas' earlier words didn't make it feel any more real.

"I really did everything. It's really him."

"I know." Dean heaved himself upright, swinging his legs around to face Sam, sitting on the edge of the seat. He had finally come to terms with it. "Don't know what to do about that."

"You could try talking to him."

"Yeah." But Dean's tone made it seem unlikely he would seek out doing so.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No."

Sam pushed himself off the side of the car. "Alright. Well. Close the doors when you head back in."

"Mmhmm." Dean frowned. "Thanks. For checking him."

"Yeah."

Dean let his thoughts wander again as he listened to the door to the bunker swing shut again.

His hope of avoiding Cas for the time being evaporated the second he pushed open the door to his room.

There, standing in the middle of the room, was Cas. Looking exactly the same as the day he left.

"Dean." He sounded a little unsure, clearly second guessing his decision to meet Dean there.

"Cas." He was unable to put any tone into the word, body completely still, standing in the doorway.

"I thought we should talk."

"You thought wrong." Dean forced himself to move despite his brain screaming at him to not. He walked over to his desk, sitting down at the desk and hoping Cas took the hint. He opened his laptop, pulling up the article he was reading before and tried to be convincing that he was reading it.

Cas didn't leave. "Dean-"

"I said you thought wrong." Dean repeated, firmer this time, and with an edge.

Cas hesitated, staring at the back of his head. "I'm sorry."

The hunter stood so suddenly Cas almost jumped. "I had nothing, you asshole. The empty came and took you, and I didn't even have a body to burn." He clenched his fist. "All I had was my coat with your god damn hand print on it. And I-" he broke off.

"Dean…" Cas said softly, reaching out.

Dean flinched, dodging his touch. He took a moment to breathe, trying to hold on, trying to keep that barrier up, to deflect, dodge, run. He could do none of it.

Dean's shoulders slumped, and he instantly felt so defeated. He couldn't look at Cas when he spoke again, instead keeping his eyes intently on the floor. "It didn't feel real… I… every other time, when we didn't have a body, you… you always came back. When Lucifer… the second time he… I. After Jack was born. When we burned you, it felt real. This time… I don't know, I let myself hope." He shifted his gaze to the wall. "It was worse. The hope. When it finally faded."

"I'm sorry."

"Fuck you."

Cas closed his eyes.

The fire returned. "Fuck you, and your sorry. Fuck you for every single time you died." He resumed pacing. "Fuck you for every time you left. Fuck you for every time you lied to my face." He rounded on the angel. "Fuck you for dumping that on me and then just letting it take you."

"I never meant-"

"Go to hell." Dean spat.

Cas gave a small sad smile, attempting to breathe some scrap of humor into the situation. "Again?"

Dean wasn't phased, and his cold glare never wavered. "You kept it from me."

"Which part?"

The hunter reacted violently, swiping across his desk and dumping everything to the floor, bottles and lamp breaking on impact. "Everything." He kicked the last intact beer bottle into the wall with enough force that it too shattered. "You knew about your deal for over a year." He came to a stop in the middle of the room. "I forgave the kid, whatever. Jack was just doing whatever you said to do."

"I didn't think-"

"Yeah, you never do."

"I didn't think it would ever come to claim me." Cas finished.

Dean stared at him, expression set.

"True happiness should be inaccessible to an angel." He said softly, trying to make Dean understand. "I could feel it… but I knew… I thought I knew that it would never be enough to claim me when you couldn't-"

"When I couldn't what, Cas?"

"You know what." Cas' quiet words were such a contrast to the harshness in Dean's tone.

"And what about me? Hmm? You were so busy thinking about yourself you didn't think once about me."

Cas looked startled by the accusation. "Dean… of course I thought about you… that's why-"

"That's why you kept it from me."

"You couldn't do anything to get me out of that deal. I wouldn't have let you risk Jack's life like that."

"Not the deal." Dean hissed through clenched teeth.

"Oh." Cas said softly, realizing he meant what he had confessed. He was quiet for a moment. "I never intended to tell you. I am sorry that I had to in such a way."

"You didn't think I deserved to know; Didn't think I deserved to figure out what to do with that?"

"There was nothing you had to do." Cas said softly.

"I deserved to make the choice."

"Dean-"

"I killed myself. Did you know that?"

Cas' eyes widened with confused concern. "What?"

"The last time you died, after Jack was born." His flat tone didn't soften. "I killed myself on a case, and I asked Billie to keep me dead."

The angel was silent, looking at Dean with an unreadable expression.

"So don't tell me how the fuck I feel."

Cas opened his mouth, but he wasn't sure what to say. The room closed in on them, the silence almost smothering.

"Whatever. I need some damn air." Dean said quickly, turning and starting towards the door again, this time planning on heading towards the garage. He needed to put some distance between himself and the bunker. A few states ought to do it.

"Dean…" Cas put his hand on Dean's shoulder.

Dean whipped around, fist flying and hitting Cas square in the jaw. Cas hardly flinched and Dean had to suppress a reaction to the shooting pain in his knuckles. "You left." He repeated, raising his hands and roughly shoving Cas.

The angel stepped back, eyeing him carefully, guilt washing over him again as he watched Dean come undone.

The hunter couldn't help the warmth growing in his face, the moisture he could feel collect at the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over.

"I'm sorry." Cas said again quietly.

The tears fell. "I love you."

Cas' brows furrowed. "You-"

He was cut off as Dean stepped forward, roughly grabbing him and dragging him into a desperate embrace. The kind that always followed when Cas came back from the dead. But this time didn't end in an awkward pat on the back and a hasty retreat. This time the hunter hung on for dear life, as if worried Cas would disappear the moment he let go.

Tentatively Cas raised his arms, wrapping them around Dean's back. He let the side of his face lean against Dean's head, his mind settling into a dizzying static as he failed to process what was happening.

"You were gone so fast." Dean whispered, not pulling away. "I didn't get to say it." He tightened his grip. "I never knew you-" his voice broke. "I didn't think you-"

"I have loved you for a very long time."

"You're an asshole." Dean breathed, feeling another hot flash of anger jolt through him, but he couldn't step back.

Cas pulled his hand up and cupped it at the base of Dean's head. He gave themselves just enough space for Dean to look up at him before he pressed their lips together. He tensed slightly, waiting for Dean to realize, to pull away, to take it back at any second. He greedily tried to memorize every detail. The curve of his mouth, the hot flush across his cheeks, the taste of the salt from his tears.

Dean broke the kiss, but instead of moving away, he just put his head down to lean on the angel's shoulder. "I love you, Cas." he repeated, his voice barely audible.

"I didn't know."

It was Dean's turn. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

Dean pulled back from the hug, but kept Cas' coat balled tightly in his hands, preventing him from moving. "I can't-" He choked. "If you leave again… if you die, I won't survive it."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise me."

"I promise."

Dean swayed slightly, feeling light headed as the last scrap of adrenaline fizzled out. "I need some air." He breathed, repeating his earlier sentiment.

Cas gently untangled Dean's fingers from his coat. He kept his hand on Dean's arm, starting to lead him towards the bunker door. Wordlessly they navigated the hallways and map room before finally climbing the stairs and opening the heavy metal door at the top yet again.

Dean didn't visibly react until the crisp evening air finally hit his skin, causing an involuntary shudder. He took a moment to appreciate standing in front of the bunker twice to get his head on straight. He took a few steps away from Cas, turning and slowly leaning back against Sam's car. "Fuck."

Cas stayed standing, a few feet in front of him, careful to give him a little space.

Dean raised a shaky hand and deliberately ran it under both eyes, efficiently wiping away the last tears from his face. He took a deep breath, watching his breath glinting in the last weak rays of sunlight. "I didn't think you were coming back. I thought this was it, man."

"I did not think I would either."

"If this isn't real-"

"It is." Cas cut in, desperate to end that line of thinking. "I am." He debated with himself for a second before walking to lean on the car next to him, abandoning his earlier concerns about crowding Dean. He was reassured when Dean immediately rearranged himself to lean against his shoulder. "I'm really here."

"Yeah." Dean breathed. "It's just gonna take me a minute."

"Take all the time you need." Cas shifted and put his arm around Dean, pulling the hunter a little closer to him.

Dean closed his eyes, breathing him in. "Do you think we can really have this?"

"If you will allow me to give it, you can have every part of me. Anything you ask of me, if it is in my power, I will not hesitate."

"Okay, no need to write a damn poem." Dean replied, rolling his eyes, but it had the desired effect. A small smile danced on his lips, and the tension had bled away from his shoulders.

"I meant what I said, Dean. Before I summoned the Empty."

"I heard you."

"I love you."

"I love you too." Dean was surprised by how natural that felt to say already. He closed his eyes again, feeling a spike of adrenaline as his mind latched onto the possibility that this actually was a dream, soon to be a particularly cruel nightmare, and this would all be ripped from him.

Cas noticed the shift, but decided it wouldn't help to just repeat himself. He changed tactics, aiming to distract. "You added our names to the table."

Dean looked up, surprised by the leap in conversation. "Yeah."

"It is a touching gesture."

"I thought you'd appreciate the irony. Using your full name." Dean said with a weak but genuine smile. "Sam said the ending, -iel or whatever means 'Of God'. Jack's God now. Thought you would want the title back."

Cas' expression was warm. "I do appreciate it."

"Sorry I shortened your name so early."

"It turned out to be somewhat prophetic." Cas said. "And besides, in your words…" He looked up, as if he were searching his memory for the exact quote. "Chuck is kind of a dick."

Dean barked out a sharp laugh, feeling the last shred of tension unclench in his stomach and he leaned back fully against the car. "Yeah, you got that right." He shuddered slightly.

Cas slipped out of his tan coat, handing it out towards Dean. "You are cold." He said simply, acknowledging that Dean had begun to shiver in the rapidly cooling temperatures.

Dean rolled his eyes, but he accepted the offering. He considered making a jab at him about sappy romances but he felt too genuinely touched by the gesture that he held back. He cleared his throat. "You saw Jack?" He waited for a nod. "He's good?"

Cas nodded. "He is well." He looked up towards the horizon, as if he could catch a glimpse of their surrogate son. "He is doing good out there. Fixing the mess Chuck made of heaven and earth."

"Good." Dean said softly. He frowned. "I miss him sometimes."

"He will be back."

Dean looked over at him.

"When he finishes, he'll be back. For a little while at least."

"Good."

"He told me to tell you he said hello."

Dean snorted. "Right." He made a big show of looking up at the sky. "Hello." He replied. "Give us a warning before you pop in, I'll throw some burgers on."

Cas laughed quietly. "I'm sure he'll like that."

Dean settled back again, taking a deep breath before he reached out and grabbed Cas' hand. He used it as an anchor, preventing him from drifting back into fear. "Tell me more."

"About-?"

"Anything." Dean admitted. I just want to hear you talk. I just need to hear you talk.

Cas caught the meaning. "Alright." He began. "Pick a century."

"What?"

"I will tell you all that I remember."

Dean tightened his grip on Cas' hand. "1800s. The wild west."

"I expected you would request that."

"Yeah yeah. Now spill."

As Cas launched into his story, Dean simply laid his head back on his shoulder, listening to the smooth cadence of his voice, and letting the feeling of the coat around his shoulder and the angel at his side warm him from inside to out.

He could get used to it. He would get used to it. He could have this. They could have this.

Dean tried to keep track of what Cas was saying, but really he was just relieved and surprised he was there at all. That this was happening.

Cas was back.

It was real.

#ao3 is down #I'm Bob Wess on fanfiction . net if y'all desperate

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1-800-colby · 1 year

Text

Hide and Seek | Colby Brock

no warnings, just takes place during the video, hide and seek in target, Enjoy, and request, I want to start writing for other people too, so comment down below!

The year is 2017, and you are enjoying the day with your friend group. Your friends, Sam and Colby are major YouTubers, who make fun of exploring content videos, on the app. You met the two when they first moved to LA, helping them find places during the summer where they could film, ever since them they adored you.

Today, you are with your female best friend, Katrina, who has been dating Sam for two years now. Your also with a good friend of the guys' who recently became your friend as well, Corey. It's a small friend group right now, but everyone isn't here.

You were all standing in a little circle, by the elevators, which you might add, you can't wait to go inside, saying how hot it is. You've been in most of their youtube videos in the past, so people know who you are. some people like you, while others don't. But, you don't care, you're just having fun with your friends, and making these videos with them will let you have something to look back on.

Sam was the one who started to speak first since this is going to be on his youtube. "What's up guys, today we are going to be doing part two of hide and seek because you guys got to 50,000 likes!" He started off as if you looked excited while laughing at the others.

"we don't have as many people here, but we have a bigger place." Sam exclaimed as you butted in.

"It's okay, we like them big," you said while winking towards the camera, as it took the others a minute to figure out what you just said.

"[y/n], family-friendly!" Corey joked as you apologized and let Sam finish what he was saying. But before he could start a car started to honk, which scared you a bit. Colby noticed and laughed while patting your back. You and Colby. You and Colby have a more different relationship then others in the friend group.

You two know more about each other, than everyone else, including Sam and Kat. They like to joke that something is going on between the two of you, but you both are in denial. The fans however, make ship edits, or say stuff, which don't bother you, sometimes you even like their stuff to make them think something is going on.

But, you are just best friends, however, you wouldn't lie... you would like to be more than friends at some point. It's just confusing. And Colby feels exactly the same way.

After saying the rules, you all walked into Target, probably your favorite place to shop. Walking away from everyone, you pulled out your phone, and made a video of what you were going to be doing.

"Hey guys, it's me the one and only! So here's the plan. I have a friend who works at this very target, and I texted her earlier about this, and she's going to let me go to the back of the room, and we will figure out the rest of the plan there!"

Seeing Kat, you waved and walked a little closer to Starbucks, making her think that you were hiding there like everyone already expects you to. Seeing Sam's text to everybody, you quickly made your way to the employees only door, and met your friend in there, while giving her a hug.

"Oh my gosh, you look cute!" Samantha said as you giggled while letting her walk in. "I asked my boss if you could wear a Target shirt, which surprisingly she said yes too, and she gave you your own locker!"

Laughing, you took your phone out and pressed record. "Hello, again. I am with my friend, Samantha. Today she's letting me pretend to work at Target, as I hopefully win the game." Showing your phone the locker, you two laughed as you went to a different room to put on the classic red shirt.

"I love it." You said as she giggled. "Okay, so I would say to wear this hat-" she said while putting it on my head. Trying to hide my face as best as possible. "I'll be walking around close by, if anyone asks any questions just try your best to answer them"! I looked at her confused then smiled, and high fived her.

"We got this!'

You weren't the only Target employee wearing a hat, so it wasn't weird or anything. It's been about twenty minutes, and you have been walking the front, trying to do something. In your group, Sam was with Kat and Corey, trying to find you and Colby, thinking that you two could be hiding together.

Before you could walk away to the back, a lady stopped you. "Hey, I was wondering if you knew the aisle where the energy drinks were?" She asked you hoping for an answer. You couldn't say no, and say you weren't an employee, so you actually knew the number and told her before walking away, acting like you were putting stuff in the right places. This was such a good trick because you saw Sam, Corey, and Kat walking by, but they were trying to hide from the people in the red shirts.

When Colby was found, the group was thinking of where you could be hiding, and Colby was starting to get a little worried, because all of the places where already checked.

You felt bad so you gave the group a hint. You decided to text Colby.

I am out in the open, just look harder.

Colby showed the group your text so they could think about what it could mean. Walking into the food section, you found your friend trying to put the chips on the higher shelf.

"Do you mind helping me put the chips up here, I'll hand you them. All you have to do is get on the ladder." Samantha asked, as you nodded and decided to help her while your friends were looking for you.

While having a good time helping your friend, you have been hiding for thirty minutes. Standing on the second highest ladder step, almost about to put the chips in place, your friends did a double take while coming back to the aisle, and yelling "[y/n].

You looked at them as they had a confused look on their face. Samantha took the bag from you, and you walked down to them. "What in the world?" Kat asked as the others stared at you.

"My friend here helped me win this challenge, Samantha bow!'' You said as she did so and you clapped, making Kat giggle. Corey spoke into the camera.

"Is that against the rules?" Sam shook his head no as he began to speak. "No, she just outsmarted us, so [Y/n] I believe you get the free dinner.'' You nodded while looking happy. This was your chance.

Looking at Colby you asked him a question, not caring that it was going to be out in the world. "Colby, do you want to buy me dinner?" You asked everyone gasped, while Kat silently cheered.

"Hell yeah."

Smiling the video ended, and you all walked out. Colby was glad you asked, he was afraid to ask you to be honest. It was a good day.

#colby #brock #samandcolby #hideandseek #kat #corey #target #samgolbach #colbybrockxreader #x reader

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vampcubus · 1 year

Note

How do you do gradient text? I've been trying to figure it out for weeks!😭

Okay so i'm not the best at explaining things but i'll do my best to make this comprehensible! it also helps to have a little bit of HTML knowledge for this.

(expand post for shoddy tutorial)

So the first thing you want to do is make a new text post (you will have to do this on desktop. if there's a way to access the HTML on mobile i haven't found it) and then you're going to switch from "Rich text" to "Html"

it should change the post to HTML you can either keep the heading tags "<h1></h1>" if you want the text to be that size or delete them.

then you're gonna navigate to THIS site, (its not the only one you can get the gradient code but its what i use)

ignore the rest of the page just focus on this part! ↴

type in the text you want to be displayed, pick the colors for your gradient, and then hit "Run". then copy the code that pops up underneath and paste it in your HTML text post.

should look like this

hit "preview" and it should look like this

the hardest part about this is HTML can be difficult to navigate if you're doing several gradients in a text post interspersed with regular text like a fic. especially since tumblr likes to squish all the HTML into one big block of code.

also, the site that gives you the gradient code will not recognize fancy text, so you have to add that in manually directly into the HTML code after pasting it. (if you need a more in-depth tut of that just let me know it's confusing i know)

you don’t have to worry about it flubbing while editing the post in rich text mode, even on mobile.

I HOPE THIS HELPS!!!

#‧₊🌷˚⊹ ashi rambles #gradient text tutorial

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tbcanary · 10 months

Note

do you have a guide to making your animated comic edits?

i don't, actually! in part because i'm relatively new to these parts and no one has asked for one, and in part because every gif i do is kind of a unique little adventure into teaching myself a new skill, so there isn't just one approach. but! i'm delighted that you want to know! so i'll try and walk you through a couple of them.

we'll start with this guy, because he's a favorite of mine and showcases a lot of the steps that i usually have to do:

tools you'll need: photoshop CS6; digital versions of the comics you'd like to edit.

(i assume you can use any version of photoshop or any editor capable of creating gifs, but CS6 is my preference. photopea is a fantastic free alternative, but figuring out timing and transitions is a lot harder there and requires more effort.)

step one: find your panels and elements

it's worth noting here that i cannot - and i mean this - cannot draw. at all. a lot of my life would be easier if i could, but here we stand. as such, nearly every element of these gifs is pulled from the comics themselves.

for this particular gif, which is admittedly on the simpler side, i needed two things: the initial panel, of jason leaping into the air, and a still image of jason as robin. preferably from the same run with the same artist, because that way, the art matches. i found these:

and that's all i needed for this one. sometimes i need to pull several panels for the vibe i want, or for specific things -- leaves to drift through the frame, magical elements, text and sound effects, speech bubbles, etc -- but adding those in follows pretty much the same processes either way.

step two: prep them!

easier said than done, really. what i needed to do here was make myself a blank canvas around the elements that i would be messing with. this varies from project to project, but for this one, it goes as follows: remove the narration box and jason from the first panel; create an isolated version of jason that can be pasted back in; create an isolated version of robin that can be pasted in the same place at a similar angle.

this is a lengthy process, because i work off my laptop and have a touchpad and no artistic skills. here, it requires drawing in a lot of building and making a successfully blurry, ombre sky. and, because robin!jason's toes are cut off, i have to draw those in and try to match the shading.

(there's also some work here with color balance and photo filters to match coloration; i had to add some highlighting and change the colors on robin!jason a bit to match the background lighting of the overall image, but not by much. sometimes, this step is more involved.)

after some fiddling, i usually end up with things i'm happy with. for this gif, those are as follows:

(this is done through the blur tool, the magic wand selection tool, refining the edges of a selection, or -- in many cases, because comic lineart is my enemy - erasing every pixel of the background or character by hand. yes, there are easier ways to do this, but i like my time-consuming methodologies. they're soothing to me.)

and now we're ready for the fun parts.

part three: assembly!

so we take that background we just made and we paste hood!jason back on it on a new layer. silly that we have to, but yknow. it's fine. he's in there. and now the goal is to find a way to successfully transition from hood!jason to robin!jason in a way that's satisfactory.

i follow a lot of standard gifmaking practices, i feel like? but i'm also self-taught, so i actually don't know how true that is. i create a timeline in photoshop and set it to have a delay of about 0.2 seconds to start with, just to see how the transitions go. i usually start with 10 frames, and then add or remove depending on what seems right.

(the variations here can be broad, by the way. i have a green arrow gif with 140 frames with no delay and a wonder woman gif with six frames on a one-second delay, for example, but those are for another time. starting with 0.2 seconds' delay across 10 frames is just a comfortable starting place for me, is my point.)

this is what the timeline looks like for this project:

(it's that bar at the bottom. you can see the settings and all that as they appear in the final product: 0.1 second delay over 12 frames, so not too far off from my default. nice.)

operating within that 10-12 frame range, i mess around with photo filters and the blur tool to both make hood!jason disappear and make robin!jason appear. this involved a heavy use of the "accented strokes" setting in the filter gallery and smudging and blurring until they looked how i wanted them to, which is to say, rather silly.

here's red hood vanishing:

and here's robin appearing:

there are a few additional versions of these, but i think you get the idea. these are all the bits and bobs, and i just have to lay them out in the timeline in order to get the transition as i'd like it to be.

so i start with jason as hood, and then i move through the timeline and click and unclick the little eye to view them. this is also a heavy process; this gif has about twenty layers, and i'm revealing/hiding each one individually. that is actually not as bad as it could be; one of the poison ivy gifs i've published has about 600 layers that i did that with, and i have a green arrow gif with about 800 layers and 70 frames that i didn't even end up publishing because i wasn't happy with it. c'est la vie.

the end product should look something like this:

which, when played at 0.1 second delay and looped, looks like this:

part four: in conclusion...

i recognize this "guide" is messy and skips over quite a bit, but that's because every gif really is its own beast. i am very familiar with trial and error, and with trashing things that don't end up working out. each gifset takes me about 10-12 hours, depending on complexity, without even counting the time to track down panels or read the comics themselves.

if you want to start with something simple, i suggest animating text bubbles. all you have to do for those is erase them from the background and then drop them back in over the top for about 0.5 or 01 seconds apiece for readability. this gif of mia, for example, was just isolating her from her background, creating a new background from a different panel, and then flipping the text on and off. it's got five frames on a 0.5-second delay.

basically... fuck around and find out. a lot. once you know how the gif timeline works and how to hide/reveal layers, the world is your oyster, because that's all this is.

again, i know this is messy and all over the place, but i hope it helps! have a little fun with it, and don't be afraid to mess up. it's fun either way. <3

#tbanimations #how to #ask.tb #elioherondale #i am always down to talk about how these got made so if there's a more specific one you had in mind...#feel free to ask about it #i am an open book i like discussing the things i make

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solradguy · 9 months

Note

Hello! I’ve been archiving stuff for a fandom I’m in (RWBY for context) and posting it to a side blog for fun. Really, I’m just compiling stuff I don’t see anyone sharing. I don’t want to misidentify what I’m doing!

I was wondering if you had ever posted anything about how you upscale images? You’re quite good at it, so I was wondering if you had shared any advice. When I upscale, the quality goes way down!

I don’t want you to think I’m using you instead of google! I’ve looked up guides on this, but I’m still struggling a bit. I’ve tried working with “vectors” on the advice of a friend.

Of course, I’m not really sure if this is the polite way to go about this. Maybe it’s a super secret and this is a severe faux pax! Please disregard this if it is! You feel a bit like an upperclassman in archiving (a senpai, if you prefer) and we’ve interacted several times.

Not top secret at all!! It's just kind of... esoteric lol... Been too lazy to explain it. But since you asked... ;P

I use Real ESRGAN for the main upscaling part of the process: https://github.com/xinntao/Real-ESRGAN/

It comes with instructions but basically you plop your image into the same folder as the .EXE and then run this in the terminal:

./realesrgan-ncnn-vulkan.exe -i input.jpg -o output.png

Replace input.jpg with the full filename of the file you're upscaling and then change output.png to what you want the upscaled file to be named. I usually just make it like [OG filename]BIG.png haha

Waifu2x works alright-ish too, if ESRGAN doesn't work on your machine for whatever reason: https://waifu2x.udp.jp/index.html

Once I've got the upscaled file, I do the rest in Clip Studio Paint EX 2.0. CSP's image resizer's not very good, so I don't rely on it. But the Smart Smoothing and general image adjustment tools are useful. Sometimes I'll do some light cleanup in CSP before upscaling the file too, like removing dust with the Clone Stamp or light redrawing of fuzzy parts, etc. Most art/image editing tools will have what you need. I don't get to use Smart Smoothing for archival stuff often enough to say it's absolutely worth buying CSP for.

ESRGAN is a very powerful tool, but it does lose almost all of the image's original texture when it upscales. Things like analog art or anything with rough or grainy textures will get smoothed, but already smooth digital art upscales beautifully. The best workaround I've found for restoring texture is to take the original image, resize it in CSP to the scale of the upscaled image, and then paste the OG image over it, adjust the opacity, and then use the Sharpen filter to fix it from there.

So if the original image is 400x800px and the upscaled image is 8000x16000px, you'll use the CSP resizer to enlarge the OG image to 8000x16000px and use that as the overlay to restore some of the texture. It's not perfect, but it looks better than leaving it entirely smooth. Each image is different, you'll get pretty good at figuring out what texture to use and which to erase. I've found making a greyscale static texture, setting its layer to Overlay mode, and adjusting that helps a little too. I'll put the texture I use under a readmore below.

If the image is too small, not even ESRGAN can help... It's also not too good at text if there's a lot of .JPG noise in the way. If there's text, there's a good chance you'll have to manually redraw it or font-match it and completely redo it.

Good luck!! Hope this helps. Thank you for the compliments, too!!

Sometimes Gaussian Blur-ing this very, very, slightly works with the image better but most of the time I find that leaving it crisp looks the best. Editor's discretion.

#asks #long post

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heluvschibi · 2 months

Text

DANDELION pt2 (1) (2)

Collage AU!Changbin x reader

[edited]

Y/N's POV

As I neared the steps, my mind wandered, tracing the contours of memories long past. Changbin… he's grown, but at his core, he remains unchanged.

~Flashback~

Beneath the sprawling branches of the old oak tree, I watched Mr. Wiggles, my caterpillar friend, conquer the bark's rugged terrain. Lost in this tiny adventure, I missed the warning cries until it was too late—the sharp sting of the soccer ball was sudden and jarring, sending me tumbling backward.

Tears blurred my vision as blood mingled with the pristine white of my school uniform. The boys scattered like leaves in the wind, their fear of reprimand palpable. All but Changbin.

The teacher's sleeve came away stained with crimson as she soothed, "You're okay, we'll go to the nurse." But it was Changbin's presence that anchored me—a silent sentinel amidst the chaos.

His hand, tentative yet warm, brushed away my tears. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice a soft balm to my shock.

I could only nod, the cooties myth forgotten in the wake of genuine concern.

He sat beside me, shifting my head onto his shoulder with a tenderness that belied our young age. "I'll be your shoulder to cry on, your knight," he murmured, "I'll protect you from all the bad people."

A giggle escaped me, a sound muffled by the fabric of his shirt. "Thank you…" My words were a whisper, a secret shared between two souls finding solace in each other.

As I opened my eyes back in the present, the echo of that promise lingered, a testament to the boy who had become a man, yet still held the heart of the knight from my childhood.

~now~

The library's hushed whispers enveloped me as I ascended the final stair, the scent of old books and the soft rustle of pages turning creating a cocoon of academia. Changbin's figure, a beacon amidst the sea of bookshelves, beckoned me from the balcony.

His hand found mine, his playful pout a stark contrast to the solemnity of our surroundings. "What took you so long? I could have cooked a whole meal in this time…" His attempt at aegyo drew a reluctant smile from my lips.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, his laughter easing the tension in my shoulders.

He guided me to a secluded table, his laptop and notebooks spread out like a command center. The chair beside him was his choice for me, a silent invitation to share more than just the table.

My notebook lay barren before me, a stark reminder of the semester's neglected studies. "So, what are you learning in class?" Changbin's voice was gentle, coaxing.

"I… Really don't know…" The words were a confession, my gaze falling to the untouched pages.

He sighed, a sound not of frustration but of understanding after looking over the material that either my teacher or Mr. Yang gave to him. "Science and Medicine, hm?" He flipped to Chapter 20, his finger tracing the lines of text.

"Read pages 202 to 212. Once you're done, we'll discuss it and take notes together, okay?" His shoulder rub was meant to be reassuring, but I could feel his gaze, heavy with concern.

The first paragraph was a jumble of words, the letters dancing before my eyes in a mocking waltz. This is boring… The thought was a weight, dragging my focus down.

Glancing at Changbin, I caught the flicker of determination in his eyes. With a sigh, I bit my lip and turned back to the book, resolved to untangle the jumbled letters not just for my sake, but for the boy who had become my unexpected knight once again.

Changbin's POV

A silent debate waged in my head as I watched Y/N frown at the textbook. She needs to understand this to pass, I reasoned, but the crease in her brow told me she was far from comfortable. Maybe I should just help her with the notes. The thought of making her read an entire chapter on the history of science and medicine seemed torturous given her clear distress.

"W-what page are you on?" I managed to ask, my voice betraying my concern.

"203… I just turned the page…" she whispered, her voice so faint it almost got lost in the quiet of the library.

That's progress, right? Yet, I couldn't shake the feeling that I should be doing more to help. She doesn't have to do this alone.

"Uh Y/n, do you… wanna read the textbook?" I asked, offering a sheepish smile. Her hesitant glance from the book to me, and then a small shake of her head, was answer enough.

"Here…" I slid my notes across the table to her, her puzzled look piercing me with guilt.

"Copy these, just… Study, study, study these notes, okay?" I suggested, my hand finding its way to her knee in a gentle, supportive gesture. The soft blush that colored her cheeks made me quickly retract my hand, hiding my grin as I turned back to my laptop.

Great move, I scolded myself sarcastically. Now she's got only bits and pieces. What if this isn't even on the test? But at least she had something to work with now, and I always made sure to note down the key points. Hopefully, it aligns with what her teacher considers important.

Changbin's POV

As Y/N diligently transcribed my notes, her concentration was palpable. She mirrored my highlights and underlines with precision, her pencil dancing across the page as she added annotations. When she finally set her pencil down, our eyes met, and I could see the gears turning in her mind, processing the information she'd just absorbed.

She should at least read the chapter overview, I thought, hoping to solidify her understanding. Flipping to the end of the chapter, I presented her with the two-page summary. "Read this and we're done," I said, offering an encouraging smile. She nodded, her eyes scanning the pages intently.

It's fascinating how, in the final stretch, a person's true effort emerges. As she finished reading, Y/N didn't simply close the book; instead, she turned to a fresh page and began jotting down additional notes. I had underestimated her; she wasn't just going through the motions—she was engaging with the material.

Once she had penned her last word, she closed her notebook with a sense of finality and slipped it into her bag. "Good job, Y/N!" I exclaimed, proud of her perseverance. She offered a quiet 'thank you' and stood up to leave.

Wait, she's leaving? Just like that? A twinge of disappointment hit me. Wasn't there more time for us to talk, just the two of us, alone in the library?

As she shouldered her bag, I reached out instinctively, my hand closing around hers. She halted, turning to face me. "Y/n… uh, do you wanna come with me to get boba sometime?" I asked, my smile hopeful. Girls like boba, right?

"Uh, sure," she replied, her voice soft but affirmative.

I stood up, releasing her hand to offer my phone. "Can I have your number then?" The moment she took the phone and entered her number, a sense of elation washed over me. I saved it immediately, a digital keepsake of our interaction.

After she left the library, disappearing from view, I couldn't contain my excitement. I jumped around, clutching my phone to my chest, and let out a muffled squeal. I glanced around, half-embarrassed, even though no one was near. I was about to change her contact name to something special when my phone vibrated with an incoming call. The caller ID read 'Freckles.'

"Hey Felix—" I began, only to be cut off by his booming voice.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!" Felix sounded more than a little annoyed, and then it hit me—I had forgotten to tell him about tutoring Y/N.

"HUH WHERE ARE YOU! YOU SAID YOU WILL BE HERE!" His voice pierced through the phone.

"Sorry, Felix… I was tutoring someone," I replied, a giggle escaping me despite the situation.

"Oh, like I believe that!" he retorted skeptically.

"I swear I was, please forgive me," I pleaded playfully.

"Just hurry up, I can't play League of Legends without you," he demanded before abruptly ending the call.

I sighed, my gaze returning to my phone, now displaying Y/N's contact. With a smile, I changed her name to 'My Dandelion,' a name as unique and deeper meaning to me...

I'm cramping rn...

-A heart from channie

#stray kids #chibi posted!!#changbin #skz stay #blonde chan #kpop x fem reader #kpop x reader #dandelions ff #binnie #kpop #straykids fanfic #straykids changbin

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silvertsundere · 9 months

Text

Silver Talks AniManga (23/07/23)

a p chill and uneventful week for me overall

however do want to mention, I stumbled across this bingo thing yesterday and was thinking of using it for my series list, instead of what you see under, I decided against it since I can't have the colour coding I've been using, or well, I could have it I'd just have to spend a bit of time editing it on PS instead of just copy pasting like I do now

I know basically no one even looks at these anyway, but if you do, tell me what you'd prefer from the 2 lists under this, the one with the pics/covers or the pure text I've been doing

Anime

Pokemon Horizons Ep14

we finally got our first capture of the anime and sadly it wasn't riko ofc this was to be expected from how the previous ep went but it's still wack next episode we're getting iono tho so that should be fun

Atelier Ryza Ep4

ryza is such a little idiot god I love her, was really channeling the megumin energy this episode too. was also p funny how she got scolded for being too good at alchemy

Zom 100 Ep3

nice episode once again, it was p funny how it started off in a host club and I was like "yooo just like stardust" and then they zoom way out and show the kamurocho sign and I was losing my mind, which I also did later when they showed damn anime ryan gosling lmao. anyway the friend guy is nice, looking forward to their shenanigans together

Manga

Dandadan Ch114

I figured the fight wouldn't end on this chap already but I didn't think this guy would show up to help, tho I also kinda forgot that he was on the way since it was so long ago tehe

Tenmaku Cinema Ch15

it's to be expected from how it's been doing in rankings but looks like tenmaku's gearing up to finish, it's a shame we can't get more of this instead of other stuff but oh well I'll savour it while it lasts

Blue Box Ch110

god their solo dinner was really good as expected, it's really funny to see how much of a tease chinatsu can be. I appreciate miura for taking the time and having plenty of cute scenes of them being lovey dovey together before going back to focus on sports for a while

Cipher Academy Ch33

anonimity-chan showing off was very cool but my favourite part nisio working this in as a code, it might be a week late but it's still v cool

Martial Master Asumi Ch6

nito didn't get clapped as fast as I expected but he for sure is gonna next chap, nice one tho

Undead Unluck Ch168

the tournament arc came and went and next we have.. a high school arc??? honestly never expected chikara to be the next person but eh it seems like it'll be a fun arc from the set up

My Hero Academia Ch395

idk why I didn't expect for this chap to be the aftermath of the fight but that's what it was, doubt toga actually actually died but we'll see not much more left now, next chap should be the start of all might vs AFO and then it's just deku vs shigaraki left

Akane-banashi Ch71

incredibly good chap as it's come to be expected. despite all the stuff in this chap I still don't think akane is gonna win but I really hope I'm wrong

Ayakashi Triangle Ch137

haven't talked about it in a bit but we're deep in a battle arc rn, shouldn't be the end tho, I'm expecting them to have 1v1 fights against the baddies later. but anyway new form for matsuri? very exciting stuff too bad we'll have to wait 2 weeks

#silver talks animanga

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anxiety-thyme · 1 year

Text

I’ve been relearning InDesign for book layouts. It’s been super fun and frustrating because a) it’s been a decade since I used it last b) I originally learned on a Mac and I’m all Windows now and c) I know there are features that exist that will make things faster and easier - I’ve just been stumbling around until I figure it out. I forgot how much I love the process though.

I’ve also been figuring out the best workflow for me. At this point we are at:

Download fic from AO3 as an HTML

Convert to Word - I do this using google drive actually. If you upload the html doc there, you can then redownload it as a word doc. Probably an unnecessary step?

Format the word doc - remove all of the tagging & content you don't want included in the main text. I like to use the layout tools for putting in section breaks in word instead of InDesign. It makes finding the chapter breaks easier.

Do all of the find/replace editing like replacing double spaces with single space, removing spaces before periods or commas, etc.

I do not mess with the actual text outside of those updates unless I catch a spelling error.

Grab whichever template for InDesign I've built and import the text.

Apply the body paragraph style to the full text.

I've started exporting the document as a pdf and opening it in GoodNotes. I like doing this so I can read through the text and see if I've missed anything, and figure out what I want the layout to look like, or think through any fun additions before I start working on the actual layout. As an example, I'm working on a fic right now where after reading through a bit of it, I changed how I wanted to address some of the content, like how I show things that are handwritten, and what the chat messages look like, etc. I wish I had done this with my first couple because I feel like I would have done some things differently if I had.

Once I've hammered that all out I'll go back to InDesign and start working through those formatting: any of the neat stuff I want to focus on like a section of chat messages, any items I want to handle differently from the body paragraph style, etc.

I save applying any parent page styles until almost last since everything up to this point can affect what pages the chapter starts end up on. I unfortunately realized after my first layout that applying chapter start parent styles too soon means redoing them a million times.

If I'm feeling good at this point, I'll go back through and find all of the widows and orphans that I want to deal with.

Throughout this entire process I'm printing out test pages to make sure that things are showing up in print the way that I want them to.

All that's left then is one last scroll through to see if I've missed anything and then once I feel good about it I print.

I know (from past experience) that there are much quicker ways to do this that don’t require all of these steps, but I like this process. I feel like pulling the text into GoodNotes and reading the fic in that way helps me remember what I love about it, and figure out how I want to highlight everything that is wonderful about it.

#book binding #bookbinding #fanbinding

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colorguardsweetheartblurrsgirl · 3 months

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Writing HELP please....

Long story short this time.

Guys I seriously need some word #Help!!!

So #editing the first few chapters via spell check.

So I'm describing a word I've sworn I've known Like a Great many times over. It means a very flirty person. Or rather, a "person who leads others on" by flirtatious means kinda not meaning it and are cruel but not cruel like vicious).

This is not the spelling "Vixousous" pronounced "Vic. CO. Sush (cious?)"#AmICrazy

I swear this was. A common-ish word. More if you want to sound fancy. And it wasn't vivacious or vicious, which means stunning or wicked (pretty much in simple terms) and obviously isn't what I'm looking for. I swear I used to hear this word all the time.

Please help me if you know the word I'm looking for and spelling

The sentence (yeah, I know it's long) that it goes to is:

"Although the hearkening boy wouldn’t speak it, the pitter of his heart begged, like a thousand bolts, holding back his trophied chagrin. Choking back the akin pressing gag that to his grinding disgust equally pilfered the vampy vixoucious [(made up version if the word I'm looking for)] intrepidly sly fox. Their hearts weeping, begging for the woman’s vibrato harkened wellbeing to hold strong and admit despite their woes, should any pained distresses take her as their plunder and consume."

(... ;) ;P LOL... Don't ask me the context of the excerpt past this (for now). It would break the illusion. I'll be giving snippets in the future. But I spent too much time on this search. I did realize the character going through spell check I thought this was for Ironically wasn't the one I thought it was, as I have a very "vampy" female character in this early character as well as male. The male character I realized a bit ago was the one I was referring to in this particular sentence. And not the very flirty but kinda flirty just to spitefully be vain in all-female character that briefly is seen in the same scene. Considering the context of that, I did manage to find a different y

Word I could use.

But I still spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME. T re yjng to figure out this stupid word on the internet and always having Vicious or Vivacious come up. Which neither were the terms U was looking for. But it's more a combination if them in a sense, although vivacious doesn't fit as tightly into it. I spent to much time that I wanted to come here and a few other sites just to ask. Cause I'm freaking annoyed.

I did consider leaving it j. The text for alter but may take it out. But I know I'll likely use this term if I can find the one I can looking for [I admit and hey, raise your hands if you're just as horrible as me when it comes to looking up useful stuff and apparently not typing the write things in to find what you need???)

Any who....

Yeah I just wabt to figure it out after all the time spent on figuring it out and just I dunno.

SOMEREASON I'm getti g that whoem Mandela effect vibes here.🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 (not hat I believe in it, just thought it was a. Funny reference and jke that made sense here and way to describe my personal feelings on it).

Although, the hearkening boy wouldn’t speak it, the pitter of his heart begged, like a thousand bolts, holding back his trophied chagrin. Choking back the akin pressing gag that to his grinding disgust equally pilfered the vampy intrepidly sly fox. Their hearts weeping, begging for the woman’s vibrato harkened wellbeing to hold strong and admit despite their woes, should any pained distresses take her as their plunder and consume.

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david-box · 5 months

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handspinning is much much more fun when it goes easily than when it goes badly and I am having fun, so here's an update from last time where I was spinning in place. Long bit of text below the cut.

I'm on day 6(?) ish of my second ever spin. I've divided a "200 count" cotton ball bag into equal sections of 4 by weight (about 29g per section) so I can do two 2plys and I'm maybe 1/4 of the way through my current bag I *think*. I measured the staple length of this and it's about 1.5 cm, which is squarely in the "short staple" range. I can see why short staples are harder to spin now, lol.

I didn't start off with a plan on what to do with my yarn when I'm done except keep the first ply as a measure of how well I'm doing, but I ended up with a bit of cotton from a bottle of cold meds and used that instead. I know now it was horribly underspun and I have no fucking idea how I was holding my fiber to where it actually would draft. EDIT: forgot to say that I'm considering making my first 2ply a worsted spin since, like, it's cotton balls, lol, and my second one woolen/a puni.

After spinning in place a few days ago I had to go back to spinning 101 99 and find a video on spinning cotton balls with a pencil to figure out how drafting works and then things clicked. Also, spinning a length out with your fingers is pretty okay for starting a spindle off.

Whittled chopstick and polymer clay DIY spindle and whorl still works well both grasped and supported. I have mostly figured out drafting, although keeping a "triangle" in cotton is either beyond my skills are just not possible when you're fiber is 1.5 cm. Sometimes my twist goes into the fiber and I just have to pull and double draft it. Temporary cops are less visually satisfying than a long line of new thread but work a lot better. Inconsistency is still and issue but getting better, I think, and I can reconnect broken strands now relatively painlessly. Drafting going a lot easier and I've (I think?) learned that one butterfly thing to manage the cop. I built my cop too close the top but I can fix it.

I spent a few days wondering why I'm not picking this up faster until I realized I haven't actually spun that much lol.

Also - supported spinning works beautifully with a type of park and draft, I've found out I fucking HATE drafting with two hands (I think I'm doing long draw?) and I had five fleeting seconds where I was spinning supported AND drafting at the same time and have yet to reproduce it.

I had read that cotton balls would be hard because it's trash fiber and they're not wrong, but I am happy to be making progress anyway. So there's that! Someone on reddit said that if you spin for 15 minutes a day for a month you'll get past the beginner stage and tbh I am very ready for it. But, on the other hand, I had less of a start going for cotton - there's less materials on how to spin it that I could find very easily, and the articles that do exist are not always very detailed. I can see why in-hand/grasped spinning is a bast or wool fiber thing. But, shit, if I can spin something 1.5 cm long I can figure out anything and I'll eventually have yarn! AND I get to BOIL it! I get to boil thread! lol. i'm happy.

#bit of a long post sorry #handspinning #yarnblr #handspun #cotton spinning #spindle #me #text #image description in alt text #alt text

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lifeswack · 9 months

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I made a small analysis on the recent drdt episode!

(heres the link to the google doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jvUy2txjIYfixGA_ortVeSpr1457b5GHb5hsH78vP8A/edit#heading=h.vp6z4l5f7buz ) and now heres what i have so far

insane literature girl (david) analysis

Peeps i used:

@nsmiaumiau,@moonzeiw

the link to my notes, its very scrambled so beware:

The Morse code at 4:21 translates to:

"You still believed in me despite everything I've done, but that's just a fantasy isn't it? I simply chose to believe you did. Afterall I'm incapable of being somebody without you

That morse code and the scene at 2:24 are bothreferring to xander, the one at 2:24 is obvious, you can even see david referring to xander as “important” this fact alone could solidify that the person david is referring to at 4:24 is xander however there are still a few more people who it could be

The reason both instances HAVE to refer to Xander is that David was never really close to anyone else. The only two people it could have possibly been are Hu and Arei, but through a process of elimination, we can rule out Hu since she's still alive. Even if you say Hu no longer respects david, While the Morse code at 4:21 uses past tense, it's safe to say Hu was never very close to David in the first place. Now, let's talk about Arei. She's a bit harder to debunk, but she's also eliminated for the same reason. Arei was only on good terms with David for about a day and a half, and that time was spent focused on her. Additionally, David wouldn't really feel like himself around Arei due to her vulgar and foul mouth, constantly berating everyone she knows. Although she may have changed slightly, she remained aggressive. However, to give Arei some credit, she knew David's secret, but I'm eliminating her as a possibility anyway. Xander is the only person we have confirmation (from 2:24) of being important to David. David even stated that Xander was a sort of role model to him, as Xander represented everything David pretended to be. But I do believe they were genuinely close; I mean, come on, guys, the bromance is there!

Before I present my own theories, let's debunk a theory:

that David manipulated or asked Xander to kill Teruko. I find this possibility plainly impossible (haha, Tsumugi reference). David is well aware of the consequences of murder and was genuinely distraught and upset when Xander died. Moreover, I don't believe David was the one who said "I have to kill Teruko Tawaki" at the beginning of DRDT; it is widely accepted to be Xander, but I have my own issues with the Xander theory.

Once again, huge thanks to @nsmiaumiau – she, he, they???? – for being a tremendous help throughout this.

The video contains word searches for every character except David, with text aligning to each character. Although some don't seem to match perfectly, we can use the descriptions as our best bet to assign the numbers to characters. Many of them appear nonsensical, like Hu's crossword being "???: Go and cry," Julia's being "Do it like that lets live together!" and Nico's being "even if you try to think idk!!! (Lmao)." I noticed that these texts are either sarcastic or ominous. Let's take Nico's, for instance; it's very sarcastic and oddly worded, so I'll try to make it less headache-inducing:

some of the word searches mention this mysterious (????) person, and it could either refer to David himself or the red-haired girl who keeps appearing. I'll do my best to make sense of everyone's crossword and figure out their significance.

Crossword analysis

(desclaimer despite coming tpo the conclusion these are davids thoughts i still analayze some of them as random strings of text and not thoughts)

1. Xander - His crossword is odd, saying "I have no idea if it counts (the world of abnormal sentient dance)." All of these make my head hurt, and this one takes the cake, but it does bring up the word "sentient," which I find interesting. Since I've already deduced these are David's thoughts, I'm going to have to look at it from that lens. The part "I have no idea if it counts" is what intrigues me. Like I said before, the Morse code at 4:21 is referring to Xander, so it might be David saying "I have no idea if Xander cares"??? It's definitely a shot in the dark, but I'm doing my best, okay!! The phrase "(abnormal sentient dance)" could be interpreted in several ways. I see it as an odd conversation, think of it as the phrase "the conversation has a mind of its own" – add "abnormal," and it would be akin to an odd conversation or if you add "dance," an odd situation.

2. Rose - Her crossword states "I think, therefore I am": This phrase is a famous philosophical statement attributed to the French philosopher René Descartes. In Latin, it is "Cogito, ergo sum." The phrase expresses the idea that the act of thinking itself proves one's existence. It's a foundational element in Descartes' philosophy and is often seen as a starting point for understanding one's own existence and consciousness.

"(confused)": The addition of "(confused)" after the famous philosophical statement adds an intriguing twist. It suggests that even though Rose acknowledges her existence through her thoughts, she experiences confusion or uncertainty about her identity or reality. The inclusion of this word creates an interesting contrast between certainty (thinking) and doubt (confusion).

3. Charles - The phrase "if you doubt" further proves that Charles is not one to accept things without scrutiny. This trait is vital in chemistry, as it involves testing hypotheses and theories through experimentation and analysis.

The second part of the crossword, "brittle things are broken," indicates Charles' knowledge of material properties, including fragility and how certain substances react under specific conditions. As an expert chemist, he understands the importance of understanding the characteristics of different substances to handle them safely and predict their behavior accurately. But that's just a literal analysis. In Charles's own words, "are you really gonna take that at face value?" So if I were to be crazy and analyze this, I would probably think this is referring to people. Maybe Charles doubted his brother at a certain point in time, and it led to his brother's death? :33

5. Arei - I think it's partially straightforward. The last time Arei got any major screen time was before she died. She cried to David about how she wanted to change and be a good person, questioning why Eden was allowed to be a good person without anyone taking advantage of her. Additionally, she was constantly harassed, assaulted, and verbally abused by her sisters, which resulted in her crying. This is likely what the crossword is referring to.

6. Ace - His crossword says, "'Right now, why do you go insane?'" Again, fairly straightforward. If I had to take a guess, it would be from how malnourished our poor boy is. His motive secret literally was "your body's falling apart, and yet you still refuse to eat." He's probably starving, and some of it is just because he's a hot-headed asshole.

7. Arturo’s is “mind exercises 1 2 3 4!” which confuses me just as much as xanders confuses me, if it were any other maybe i could have come up with something but this really just dosent fit him, he’s a cosmetic surgeon not a psychiatrist, since we know very little about Arturo im assuming this has something to do with his obsession with J, perhaps he finds J’s situation mentally stimulating?

8. Since julias the visual affects artist the part where it says “do it like that” maybee its referencing her more creative side an a way for things to go her way?

The second part, "let's live together," is intriguing and could imply several things. It might suggest her wish for harmony and collaboration in the theater world, emphasizing the importance of teamwork to create a successful production. Alternatively, it might hint at her vulnerability and a desire for deeper connections with others, as she tends to appear tough on the outside but is sensitive on the inside.

Considering her disdain for actors, the phrase "let's live together" might also indicate her longing for a community where egos and spotlight-hogging behavior are minimized, promoting a more supportive and cohesive environment in the theatrical world.

9. I think i already explained what i think of nicos crossword but ill explain again for you dimwits! (haha miu reference) it's very sarcastic and oddly worded, so i tried to make it less head ace inducing but heres my raw unfiltered analysis “even if i try to think, idk! (lmao)” i think its still david being sarcastic, and he’s referring to one specific moment, when nico tried to kill ace, davids telling him he didint think and that even if he did think he’d be too blinded by rage

#drdt #drdt spoilers #david cheim #drdt theory #drdt david

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