Who's ready for my Master Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss Crepus Theory!!
I originally posted this over at Hoyolab and people there seemed to really like my favorite joke theory that Crepus just tries to gaslight the whole of Mondstadt right after obtaining Kaeya
Majority of this will be the same but with little tweaks for the wonderful tumblr audience
This joke stems from Kaeya's introduction:
and the use of the word "rumored"
Cause it's not like it said beyond Teyvat or the seven nations just Mondstadt
And I mean like c'mon how many families are living off the grid in Mondstadt
(Actually... Don't answer that I forgot Glory's boyfriend is just
Out there in the bush with Razor...)
Initially I had the idea of Crepus walking around the markets one day carrying Kaeya with Diluc beside him running into Varka who asks:
"Who's the boy?"
"You mean my son?"
"Not Diluc the boy you're carrying"
"I have two sons? You know this??"
But then the Caribert quest came out mentioning Kaeya ran away from home near immediately and was dragged home by Crepus just as fast and it became even funnier
Cause imagine you're by the docks one day and richest man in town gets off the boat with no cargo but instead a tiny child you may not have seen before that Crepus seems to be very cross with at the moment and threatening to turn him into a leash kid if he runs off again
In a small town that loves gossip do you know how fast that information is spreading? Cause I do and Varka's knocking on Crepus's door 30 minutes later like:
"Is this what we're doing? We're just taking kids now?"
Both paths lead to Varka asking where Kaeya comes from and getting hit with a
"I think you're a bit too old to still be confused about the birds and the bees Varka"
Varka getting frustrated to the point he just starts demanding Kaeya tell him what's up
Love to see him following in his fathers footsteps of stressing Varka the fuck out
And upon hearing how his birth father left for juice and didn't return Varka went
"Good! That was ALL I needed to know!!"
Follow ups on if his father intended to abandon him or got lost in the storm and needed a search party?
Don't care!! You weren't kidnapped!!
Welcome to the knights! 🤝
Which bringing it back to it only being a rumor
In a town of alcoholics, who's gonna call out the one guy with the winery?
Here's some add ons that got sparked from the comment section 😘
Bonus panels would have included Varka showing up with Rosaria one day mimicking Crepus about "wHaT you ForGot I haD a Kid" sparking a trend within the community of just adopting random children to the point posters are made saying "In Barbatos name: See a child Take a child"
Alice seeing it and pulling a "when in rome" tucking both Albedo and Diluc(who is yelling he is an adult) under her arms and telling Klee if she ever sees someone in need of a mom let her know she'll send over the paperwork right away
And then the last bonus: Venti wakes up, walks in through the gate while playing a tune, and stops when he sees the poster, not sure if he needs to start yet another revolution, or if this one is fine actually
I imagine the posters had to be taken down because visitors were losing their kids left and right and the solution of parents pinning a note saying "not dead & still want custody" to their kids shirt didn't catch on but the saying still lives strong in the hearts of Mondstadt's citizens I mean look Bennett and his 27 dads Mondstadt may have a lot of orphans but the demand is even higher
Comment on original post:
"I have a headcanon where Kaeya fooled first Crepus, then the rest of Mondstadt but.this is too funny!! I want to see this happening!"
Which prompted one of my new favorite lines at the end:
"Wait by fool Crepus first do you mean like Crepus finding him out in the storm bringing him inside to ask him where he lives and Kaeya's just
"? I live here? You adopted me? Are you feeling okay?"
Cause I'm absolutely cry laughing over this that's so good but that also means when Kaeya runs away Crepus is just
"hey no no l'm not misplacing you a second time come home" "
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What do u think of yoshiden
Oh boy. If you're here on my account then you probably already know who I am and how absolutely insane I am for them, but I'm gonna ramble anyway LOL thanks for giving me the opportunity to show people on Tumblr how insane I am ‼✌😁 If people who don't know me from twitter find this, hi I'm TK! I may be a little deranged for Yoshiden, just a tiny bit y'know-
Yoshiden means a lot to me for various reasons but I'll just put down all my insane ramblings down belowwww
[CSM Spoilers if anime onlys/new readers find this post somehow]
[Serious Section]
-Denji's distrust/disliking for men/straight up internalized homophobia is most likely because of his past abusers being male (the mafia and his father), so if he starts to trust Yoshida throughout the course of part 2 and they end up forming an actual bond, whether it's romantic or platonic, it kind of helps Denji get over his distrust and help him cope with that trauma knowing that hey not all dudes are that bad actually, this guy's pretty nice.
(You could say that Beam already did that and they had a good bond too but Beam is... y'know... *finger across neck* bleh... and Denji still emphasizes he wouldn't let a dude sit on him in 104 so...)
-Surprise surprise, I'm in on the bi Denji agenda because I'm bisexual and all my favs have to be bi 😁😁/hj But seriously, bi Denji is a pretty good concept cause aside from getting rid of his internalized homophobia, it also helps him get over/cope with his trauma as I said above. Part 1 was all about Denji learning about different kinds of love (familial love from the Hayakawa family, romantic love from Reze, and the mess that is sexual->maternal->abusive love from Makima, etc etc), so exploring his sexuality in part 2 could be a nice little addition to that. (Bonus points for the new kind of familial love he has for Nayuta now that he's her older brother/father figure; bonus BONUS points if Yoshida's the other dad LOL)
[Delusional Absolutely Normal Section]
-Yoshida's canonically a pretty boy as stated by another guy, so maybe if Denji stares at him long enough he'll realize guys can be as pretty as girls too and think it's fine to find guys attractive LMAO
-We all agree Yoshida's gay or at least mspec mlm leaning/preference right? Right.
-Anyway, I'M A TOTAL SUCKER FOR ONE-SIDED LOVE STORIES LOL I'd like to think Yoshida has coworkers who could've taken the job of watching over Denji but he deliberately asked to do the job because he found him cute back in part 1, though realistically he probably only got chosen for the job cause he knew about Denji's identity already and he's also in high school, but we're not here for realism, we're here for gay people. (Gay people being Hirofumi Yoshida.)
(Did you see him at the table with Angel while Denji and Power were talking about barf and stuff? Dude was smiling while listening to them talk about random shit, he probably became interested in Denji then and there; hell, even the goddamn onigiri scene where Denji still eats it after it fell to the ground probably made him go 'woah this guy is sick in the head I'm in love')
Back to the one sided thing, the idea of Yoshida being willing to die while protecting Denji is???? insane??? and I love it because it really shows how devoted he is not only to his job but to Denji in general. He's never truly lost his temper at Denji, even when he used his bare hands on the cake, even when he let himself get sat on by girls, and even how he only wants to reveal himself as Chainsaw Man just to get a girlfriend. Sure, he called him hopeless in the recent chapter, but he never raised his voice or fought back. He's always trying to be patient with him even when he's being completely ridiculous. Copypasting what I've said on twitter here:
If someone started scooping and eating the cake I bought with their bare hands, I wouldn't just sit there and go "Aaaaaah!", I'd definitely get pissed. Yoshida has FEELINGS for this boy, I swear. He said NOTHING about it. NOTHING. No "Why the hell'd you do that?" or "Dude that's gross" OR ANYTHING, he immediately just goes back to talking about trying to prevent Denji from revealing his identity.
If someone I liked, however, would eat cake with their bare hands, I'd just be embarrassed but also find it cute so I'd let it slide. (Tested and proven 👍)
If, miraculously, Yoshida canonically confesses to Denji, he'd probably still pine for him even if Denji turns him down, which he probably will. Yoshida realizes, after being his bodyguard for a while, that he really enjoys Denji and being around him; he'd get too attached to those feelings and still shower him with appreciation even if he knows it'll never be reciprocated. Just knowing that Denji's being given the love he deserves is enough for him, even if Denji doesn't want or care about that love. It's kinda selfish of Yoshida, but he doesn't care, all he cares about is that he likes Denji and he's willing to keep that up until he dies.
-Anywayyyyy, even though they're both good in battle they're both absolute fucking losers LOL Yoshida getting thrown out the window is and will always be my favorite scene from him. Denji got called a loser by Asa, so maybe if Denji just turned his head 90 degrees after that rejection, he would've seen another loser and they could've been the most pathetic loser4loser couple in existence, it's great, c'mon Denji just accept you can like men already
-I kinda maybe kin Yoshida soooo- 💀 I mostly started kinning him for his appearance and how he's visibly deranged in part 1 LOL, but seeing his attitude towards Denji in part 2 really made me like wow he just like me fr‼ I'm sick in the head for this cute guy who is also kinda sick in the head‼ So yeah that really added to my appreciation for yoshiden LMAOSKJSDKF
Ok that's all it's almost 6am and my brain is empty, maybe I'll add to this later, hopefully that answers your question anon 😁👍‼‼‼💥💥💥 I dunno if you expected an essay but BOOM, I hope I get a good score LOL
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