#but i'm not agender. because that doesn't fit either. because agender is a concept that's linked with gender itself.

[dumb-fictionkin-sideblog]

I wish I was amab so I could stop feeling insecure about being non binary

#cause its like. 75%boy 25%girl and it varies from time to time #but saying non binary feels to feminine somehow #or rather. not masculine enough #part boy little part girl a bit of something else a touch of bigender in there and also the it/its #it/its is fucking awesome btw. they/them feels. unfamiliar. impersonal. distant. i don't like it #it makes me feel like a cryptid and i love that #just. something else. #human doesn't feel right because humans are too obsessed with girl and boy #i wanna be something else. #kind of... non binary the same way that aliens are in some shows sometimes #at first glace: probably boy #but then if you look closer eeh the concept of gender doesn't fit #the concept of gender is. foreign. it doesn't click with me. i don't like it #i'd rather be masculine but being a boy doesn't sound right. being a girl even less. #but i'm not agender. because that doesn't fit either. because agender is a concept that's linked with gender itself. #and i don't want to have anything to do with that shit. #sunny #fav #(saving for whenever i have to explain that again)

[johannestevans]

Hi!! Question about being trans, i guess. Sort of. I'm not quite sure what exactly im asking either. Is it too cliche if i just go with "how did you know"? It probably is. Then, how can someone tell they just don't want to be gender conforming? I already know gender presentation doesn't equal gender identity. But its still sort of confusing. I mean its confusing when you're asking yourself not the concept as a whole. Also is it a thing to feel like you're just not enough of your assigned gender?? Not in the way that you feel like you're more of the other, just like not enough of your own. But just to clarify its not like you'd rather be the other gender in fact you'd very VERY much like to be more of what your assigned gender is supposed to look like but you keep failing and end up just being generally unhappy with what you look like even though it doesn't even make sense?? Gender is so weird i wish it wouldn't mean anything this is just like a big headache. Anyways, thanks in advance for the reply, if you choose to do so, you don't have to, obviously. Have a nice day!!

It is weird and it is big and complicated.

I would say that like--

If it all feels completely wrong to you, and completely foreign--

Have you considered agender identities? Because gender is not like, compulsory. You can very much unsubscribe if none of it seems like it fits, or pick and choose from whatever feels right and play around with it.

Gender, any genders, aren't always for everybody! Some people prefer to do other things with their time.

#musings #anonymous

[eolewyn1010]

Pour one out for gender non-phoria

Last day of Pride Month be upon ye, and I just wanna ramble and rant for a bit about an aspect of my beloved queer surroundings I could never quite get in touch with: People telling me "this is so gender" or "I'm gonna steal their gender" or just "gender", with no additional explanation. Because, apparently, it is self-explanatory.

Except to me, it is not. I don't get "such gender vibes". I barely understand the concept of gender envy, and at this point, I'm almost certain I've never felt it. It's pretty much why I call myself cis: I have never had anything pointing me to the contrary. Despite unhappiness with some aspects of how I look, I would never describe my feelings as dysphoric.

Now, I'm not sure I've ever been euphoric about my looks either. That's because dressing up either way is not a lot of fun for me personally - make-up feels strange on my face and I get a sort of Uncanny-Valley effect if I look into the mirror after putting it on, because this should look like me, but it doesn't, really. Clothes that my friends describe as "gender" make me go, "huh, that would be very uncomfortable / very unfamiliar and therefore strange to wear". The notion of "I wanna look like [xyz]" doesn't click with me at all, because imagining looking *like somebody else* leaves me uneasy. There are things I want to change about myself, but I cannot think about them in relation to how someone else looks. Even if I like how people look, the idea of wanting to adopt that look for me is... estranging.

However, this image I have of myself is actually so rigid that I can hardly deal with make-up, that I'm reluctant to cut my hair, that I was feeling awkward and out of place when dressing up for a LARP in clothes I wouldn't usually wear. Hell, it took me years to acknowledge that there is something about my body that I would alter if given the chance. Even now, it's not a desire I'm extremely aware of on a normal day, and it's not because I'm so very happy with how I look. It's because the thought of changing drastically creeps me out. I don't know how that fits with my lacking awareness of my body most of the time. I'm non-phoric. I just look how I look. And when I say, "I like how this person looks" and my friend goes into raptures about "OMG their gender tho"... I know there is a difference in how we perceive that, but I cannot for the life of me understand what makes that difference. Why is that a gender and not a look you like?

At the end of it all, I'm left wondering if maybe I am genderqueer after all, in that I just might be agender, which could explain why I don't give a flying flip on how I am perceived or addressed. Or if that is just a part of my personal weirdness that estranges me even from a community where I usually feel at home. Where does my personal brand of neurodivergence play into this? I know I'm prone to being very egosyntonic even about my disorders, and not wanting to change myself to something I have perceived, even if as positive, on someone else, that pretty much fits the bill.

So I'm left with the gender question unanswered because it has zero priority for me. It doesn't play a role for me, personally. But I end up feeling not understanding, and it leaves a similarly bitter feeling as not being understood does, because it has me wondering if I'm out of place.

#personal #ranting and rambling into nothingness #look I've spent the evening fuming with anger and dancing to loud music I'm not extremely coherent. I'm just venting. #feeling queer about this

[generalchelseamayhem]

@cromulentenough @vacuouslyfalse

You don't have to read past this paragraph if you don't want, it's just more of me thinking out loud and unguardedly about gender, but I just wanted to thank you two for being very civil and understanding in our disagreement. Either way I feel like I'm learning a lot.

HOWEVER, it all still doesn't sit right with me and I think I need to combine your posts/points to figure out why.

I suppose one of the reasons I think of gender as Not A Social Construct - why I specifically deny the interpersonal definition of gender put forward by VF here - is that I simply don't believe I would not be a man if I did not have people around me to perceive me as such, and the thought of it makes me uncomfortable in ways I can't quite articulate. It also, and this is important, makes me uncomfortable that other people might think that I wasn't a man in such a situation, or indeed any situation. I'll come back to that point.

CE, I think the article you sent me is undoubtedly a great one. It is well argued, it is clear in its points despite mixing analogies, and I am compelled to accept that it has a good point, that the borders, both figurative and literal, between definitions of things ARE pretty weird! I don't know if it was necessarily supposed to counter my argument in some way, or whether you're cautioning me to live with the consequences and implications of my definitions. Off VF's point, I very emphatically prefer to keep my conceptions of "gender" and "gender roles" separate. I would think the cis butch lesbians are women and the GNC cis men are men, because I might define gender roles by how stereotypically feminine or masculine one acts in everyday life, but not gender itself. People in the latter two categories you mentioned, I would be more likely to consider agender, since by (my) definition, their self-perception doesn't line up with the way their sexual phenotype has shaken out, nor particularly with any other typical sexual phenotype you are likely to find without being born intersex. That seems pretty self-consistent to me, and I have yet to think of an example where it would break down.

And yet. And yet. It's not enough for me. "If your definition works for you, use it" is a great sentiment, but I find it terribly unsatisfying. I would drop my current definition in a heartbeat if tomorrow I was told a more correct, true, and self-consistent definition of gender that worked for even more people. I like being right, but I like being wrong and finding out the truth even more.

It bothers me that my largely incorrect, overly simplistic, woefully incomplete definition of gender could be considered a valuable enough framework to be used even if that use is limited to myself. A lot of people have definitions of gender that are largely incorrect, overly simplistic, and woefully incomplete! TERFs are a great example. Find me a single TERF whose conception of gender extends beyond women having a vagina, making the babies and having two X chromosomes, while men do the violence, have a Y chromosome and generally exist as all that's wrong with the world. And of course that doesn't work as a framework of gender for most of the world. It works for them though, and clearly they're more than willing to deal with the consequences and implications of it. In SlateStarCodex terms, they are the King Solomons saying "well my purview is protecting all people with XX chromosomes and appropriate sexual characteristics ("women") from every other being on the planet ("m*n"). But I don't think the definition suiting their purposes is a good enough excuse for them to use it! Obviously it is right for trans people to be bothered by this, just as I am bothered that some people might think under certain circumstances that I am not a man!

Maybe I could be okay with having a hierarchy of gender definition Good-ness of Fit. But leaving it up to individuals to determine what gender means to them is not only, obviously, nightmarishly difficult to legislate, but it also is as much to imply that my definition of gender is no better than that of a TERF. I obviously don't want that to be the case! I know TERFs aren't correct, and I want to be more correct than them, but it seems like you're both saying that it's technically impossible. If there is a hierarchical goodness of fit, I'd like at least to know how it's sorted and to try and improve upon it as best I can.

I'm saying all of this because I believe that a robust and widely-held definition of what gender actually is will help trans people in the long-term and possibly even the short-term. We all know radfems don't, won't, and possibly psychologically can't take these things on faith, and their reliance on hard categories over subjective experiences will ultimately win over more neutral observers than it will lose. So if I could do one thing in my entire life for trans discourse it would be to present them with a definition of gender they cannot deny or refute with their present arguments. The very LAST thing I would want to do would be to tell them that the definition of gender is up to them and their perspectives.

#trans #gender #rant #discourse

[transfemlogan]

im new-ish here so sorry if this is an obvious question, but do you have trans headcanons for any of the other sides? 👀

HIII I have a million trans hcs always do not worry. I love talking abt trans sides

NOTE: i do bring up how i think some sides might not use prns or use neo prns or whatever, but i do still refer 2 them w/ he/him prns bcuz i might not have a set of prns i think theyd use. (Ex. I think roman uses neoprns, but I don't know which ones / my hc changes so I use he/him in this post. If that makes sense)

THIS GOT SUPER LONG SO IM PUTTING IT UNDER A READMORE !!!

I really like the concept of virgil being trans but not using a narrow label to describe himself. So rather than him identifying as a trans man or a trans woman or non binary, he just identifies as Transgender (or queer!). He doesnt use a specific label

I just feel like he either has so much anxiety abt his gender identity, he just doesnt focus on it at all & doesnt try 2 figure it out OR he has SO much anxiety abt his gender identity, he tries too hard 2 figure it out & has like a million labels he uses. No inbetween.

Roman TOTALLY hoards gender i bet that guy has like 300 genders & he doesnt stop getting more. I think Roman is just a very big hoarder of xenogenders & neo prns & even names. Like he gets a new name every month & with 3 new sets of prns. I feel like he has to scrutinise his gender & what it means 2 him & stuff bcuz he is the most insecure person on earth.

Patton & Janus 2 me r super chill abt their gender identity but in different ways

I tend 2 hc trans Patton as a gnc trans man. I think Pattons chill in the way that he knows what he is & he isnt worried too much abt if he "fits" that label. Like he 100% wears skirts & dresses & does his make up & does common "feminine" things, maybe still uses she/her prns, but isn't bothered abt whether or not that makes him a "real trans man." I bet this guy has ZERO gender dysphoria.

Patton sees someone talking abt what being a trans man "actually is" & hes like "i dont feel that way at all... oh well!" & moves on w/ his life. He is not worried at ALL. He is confident & happy w/ his identity. He ALSO def uses they/them prns (he/she/they patton REAL trust me)

Janus is also chill, but in the way that if he sees a label that fits him better he just changes to it without question. I dont have a stagnant trans label I give 2 Janus, i jump around a lot. I view Janus as like, "oh. I use the label (for example) demiboy, but I actually think trans masc agender fits me better. So i'm using that now" & then later is like "you know what? I think genderfluid fits me better, ill use that one instead" like he isnt freaking out if he relates to a different label or thinks hes something else. He's shrugging his shoulders & moving the fuck on. He also totally might use neoprns, i think he is a neoprn enjoyer. Janus changes his name 24/7, not due 2 gender rzns, but bcuz he is running from the police /j

REMUS IS DEF A NONBINARY PERSON. I cannot see remus as having a binary gender. This guy is genderqueer genderfreak agender gendervoid ANY OF IT. ALL OF IT !! Remus doesn't have a gender, but he definitely has a dead guy stored in the trunk of his car. He's too busy throwing bricks at people & going dumpster driving to have a binary gender. Roman took all the gender in the womb /j

Remus def doesn't use he/him or she/her prns but he either uses a set of neoprns OR doesn't use any prns at all.

And lastly, Logan, because u said "hcs for any of the other sides" which I am assuming means u already know what I tend to hc him as BUT!!! while I might change labels 4 Logan, I do tend 2 hc her as a she/her femme transfem genderfluid man. BUT i also really like genderqueer or xenogender user Logan!! I think Logan uses older terms 2 describe himself. Like rather than calling himself transgender, he prefers the term transsexual. He also 100% does so much research into trans history (OFC all the sides do but I think logan likes it in an autistic way) which is why he uses older terms.

ALSO LOGANS TOTALLY AUTIGENDER? I think he def has ASD & it affects the way he views his gender. Not in a "i dont get societal views about gender, so I don't understand my gender" but in a "i dont get societal views abt gender, so I understand my gender very well" (aka im projecting on2 logan) if that makes any amount of sense. Its more abt the fact that he wants to understand why people view gender a certain way & learning the "rules" around gender & making his own, rather than not understanding & rejecting the concept (which both r ok). He is a rule follower & a schedule needer what else can i say.

AND !!! JUST BECAUSE I CAN !!! I think the orange side is also very autistic but on the opposite spectrum from Logan (I JUST FEEL IN MY HEART THAT HES AUTISTIC. I KNOW IVE NEVER MET HIM BUT HES AUTISTIC TO ME. I can SENSE it.)

He 100% doesn't get the concept of gender so he rejects it completely. He doesn't get the "rules" & doesnt want to know them. Whether this means he is on the binary or nonbinary IDK i just know this man wants 2 fist fight the concept of gender.

#THIS WAS SOO FUN THANK U ANON. I LOVE TALKING ABT TRANS SIDES #ask #sanders sides #<- main tags bcuz i want other ppl 2 rblg & talk abt their trans hcs

[mcrmadness]

I was reading a newspaper today and noticed that there will, not just one Pride day, but a full week in my city in August. A few years ago there was also a pride even in my city without me knowing about that, and I had, and still have, very mixed feelings over such things. Like, I have never been to any pride event ever, because of various things. But mainly because I just don't like going to events in general.

Anyhow, people who take part to such events often look very interesting and often have very distinct and unique styles, which makes me kinda... wonder if I'd be able to find new friends from there. Maybe like-minded people. But at the same time I'm also very afraid of the aphobia. The thought of going to a pride-related event feels very scary, I always have this feeling that I would not belong there. Everything is always so colorful and full of rainbows which gives me a bit of anxiety because it's still heavily connected with homosexuality, but I'm ace and aro. And I don't know if there would be people who have never heard of asexuality or aromanticism, and/or who would then say that we don't belong there.

In general I guess it just makes me a bit afraid also because of my aroaceness. Just like why I hate the whole concept of pride month in general, cos everything is always about relationships and "love", and as a loveless and non-partnering aro that often gets very exhausting and frustrating in the end. Like I imagine that if I went to a such event, people there would automatically assume I'm also an allo, and then I might either be hit on, or face aphobia even.

I know pride isn't just about orientation but gender too, but that's also complicated for me. I'm agender, and I don't identify with cis nor trans. I know nonbinary is already a well known identity/word in Finland too (or its Finnish versions), but I still don't feel that I'd exactly. Fit there with my gender-lacking identity.

But tbh, it's nothing new. I have never really fit in anywhere, ever. It's always been like the Oingo Boingo song "On the Outside". On the other hand, I have never even had that strong desire to belong to anywhere. Which is why I often don't mind missing out on events like these, but I just remember how a few years ago I saw a group of interesting looking people walking by and my mom mentioned something about the pride, and I just realized that I actually might be able to find those interesting looking people FROM prides. At least there it could be a change for people understanding and accepting ace and aro people, since they do accept other lgbt+ people if they themselves are lgbt+ too (even tho, that doesn't mean you can't still be -phobic towards one or more groups of people). But still there's always that small chance of people turning down aspecs.

But back to the topic. So I've never had that strong need for feeling like I was part of a community or a bigger group of people. More often I like to connect over experiences and mindsets/thoughts rather than identity related things. That's also why I say that aspec are part of the lgbt+, but I don't count myself as a part of lgbt+ community. I just don't need that, really. I also don't use the word 'queer' about myself because it doesn't translate well into Finnish, it doesn't really even have a lgbt+ themed translation in Finnish. I guess our word, "rainbow folk", is the closest to that and honestly the sound of that is way nicer. Yet I don't count myself being part of that either, simply because I don't feel like I need it.

This "attitude" actually goes to every area in my life. Sometimes it maybe has roots in bullying and people walking over me, and how I learnt to survive on my own and how other people often meant just negative emotions rather than support. Anyway, another example is when I'm a fan of a band. I see that as me being a fan of the band, but me not being one of the fans. Whenever someone, be it someone in a band or a person on youtube talking to camera, talks to "you" as in plural, I always leave myself out. Somehow it feels like if they knew me, they would also leave me out, so I'm making them a favor by not assuming that they mean also me. I believe it only if it becomes personal, if I'm talking with someone personally and they say me nice things, then I can believe that they mean also me. But as long as they talk to a group of people or to a singular "you", I don't think they ever mean to count me in.

I know it sounds like a low self-esteem, and maybe it's partially that too but... I don't know. I actually have low self-esteem only when I have to communicate with other people, if that makes sense. When I'm with myself, I generally don't hate myself. I like what I do and I believe in myself. Usually my self-loath happens "through" other people. I see myself through the other people's eyes and I hate myself the same way people used to hate me when I was a teenager. I always say that back then, I also used to hate myself with others even tho I did not actually hate myself as me. It's weird.

Anyhow, idk why I'm venting so much again today, and why am I even talking about this when all I wanted to say was that I've never felt the need to go to a pride, and now as I sometimes wonder if I could find new friends from there, I start overthinking because what if aphobia exist there too. Of course I can't know if I never go there, but we'll see about that. Maybe it will stay as a mystery...

#mcrmadness' deep thoughts

[aliet-jayne]

isaac? :3c

HIM HIMHIM

Sexuality Headcanon: you see he's already canonly gay and canonly demiace so there's only so much to hc, saving how for he fits on the ace spectrum, which kai mentioned a while ago to someone was fine to mess with a tad bcause trying to identify where exactly on the aspec you fall is finicky and difficult to pinpoint anyways. ACTUALLY now that I think about it I do pretty often consider him... probably demi-aro as well, but also simply more likely to have romantic attraction to someone than sexual once they meet the qualifications for either. that's just the vibe in my head tho this is not upset by seeing different portrayals about it at all. and also if he's at a point where/if he manages to like multiple people. poly. obtaining this however assumes that he not only has the emotional comprehension, initiative, and articulation to establish a relationship with one person, but in fact 2+ persons. he can't do that. probably they'd have to come to this conclusion and propose it first.

Gender Headcanon: that depends on my mood lol. most often either cis or mlm nb, typically either agender or a little bit genderfluid about it perhaps or both.

A ship I have with said character: OTPs isward and whatever the ship name is for drew's there too. with one of the jocks could be interesting potentially I think I'd like to see that sometime.

A BROTP I have with said character: Cody called him a little knife man.

A NOTP I have with said character: honestly nevin and Chris w him. not in the sense that I dislike content of them together or it existing. They're both dynamics that appeal to me! but I tried a few times and simply could never make myself care. Neither ship invokes any particular feelings or keep my attention, so I frankly just don't think about it much. (wasn't always the case, but currently this happens to be true for me and Nevin-or-Chris + everyone else that isn't each other, so they can go candoodle in peace ig.) also Felix or the evil jocks + Isaac. I've seen a little bit of it and I simply don't have any feelings about the concept, probably even less so than the above since while they're fun to watch cause problems, they exist solely to cause problems and give Cody jock lore so I'm not actual attached of them as people, as opposed to Nevin and Chris who obviously we're all already fond of as individual characters. as for actual NOTP in terms of NOTP. gross age dynamics, and the girls, I guess? The obvious? (one of those is worse than the other, but nonetheless)

A random headcanon: if I remember right it's outright canon he doesn't tell his parents jack because he doesn't want to deal with the trouble of it, but I think about this a lot so putting it here anyways?? and I'm definitely projecting at him about something that I don't even do anymore, (albeit I think everyone has to do this to some extent, ESPECIALLY in terms of you what you mention to your parents when you're a teenager, because the truth is that they genuinely don't need to know all about everything always. He's just bad about it worse.) but he has a habit of. simply not mentioning things that happen if he decides that it being mentioned won't directly a trigger an immediately drastic tangible improvement, and occasionally even when it would. hes only sometimes right that it won't. Telling his parents he got thrown into a bookcase isn't going to unconcussion him, so while there's not going to be negative consequences from telling them, it sure would be slightly inconvenient for him to explain and upsetting for them to find out about and then might try to do something about, and potentially lead to the magicky stuff being mentioned to them, which he hasn't told them about because.... uh. well, not that they would hurt him, but it could complicate things? and he wouldn't gain anything from them knowing, so it would be the same level of positive impact regardless, except that he wouldn't have to hide it which doesn't matter that much, not that he's... hiding it, exactly, but net no change vs the potential for it to be slightly worse or more annoying or inconvenient or take energy or be awkward or upsetting somehow without it curing cancer or anything, so yes he is actually. that said by now it'd kind of have to be a habit because I don't think he thinks enough in general to consciously be making that decision this much. negative points in thinking thoughts and negative points in communication. At this point I feel like it would take a BIG BIG payoff to get to him be open about Literally Anything, and regardless of whether he's right about the amount knowing about things will or won't fix, EMOTIONALLY he sure is a lot worse off for it. tbh I'm not even sure if this is technically even headcanon because it's kind of just an apsect of canon I latched onto really hard and had thoughts about. Unrelated but when he was younger (middle school + first grade probably) he bit people. He just did. If he was in a situation where biting someone would help him enough he would do it again. also unrelated again but I think he gets kind of weak about being kissed on the neck.

General Opinion over said character: I THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT AND EVERY TIME SOMEONE MAKES CONTENT ABOUT HIM I GET SO HAPPY ABOUT IT.

#help I used too mayne words to answer these #isaac beamer versus the supernatural #ibvs #isaac beamer #ask game #ask #i forgot my tags ahh

[prfssnlshipper]

Hi!! I have a question, sorry if it comes off as rude. But how can bi lesbian work? Isn't lesbian non-men attracted to non-men? Sorry if i sound rude i'd just really like to learn about it

No worries! Sorry for the late response, I wanted to think about how I'd explain this...

"Non-men attracted to non-men" is just one definition of lesbian. It doesn't work for everyone though, for multiple reasons:

- Dividing genders into "men" vs. "non-men" creates a new gender binary in which many nonbinary people can't fit in at all

- A lot of nonbinary people who don't identify as men are still uncomfortable with being called "non-men", either because it still feels like misgendering in a way, because of the binary issue, or any other reason

- There's no way to explain "non-man" in a way that is mindful of genderfluid, agender, bi/multigender, genderqueer, etc. individuals. Many people are men sometimes, or partially, etc., but also not all the time. But to ignore either part of their identity isn't okay. Some just are not on the binary spectrum between "men" and "women" at all.

To the last point, I hear exclus/lesbian separatists often say that it counts as being a man if "you are a man at all in any way and at any time".

Which is where we get into RadFem territory.

Why? So, quick overview...

For RadFems, men = bad, evil, corrupt. Because they oppress women. It's a concept that's very one-dimensional and pays no attention to things like race, class, disability, etc.

But it means that bi women, for example, are basically seen as "traitors" because "how dare you be attracted to men" (they probably don't use those exact words, but honestly, I'm not sure on that).

So lesbianism originally included bi women, but RadFems, who hated men, decided that was terrible and that bi women weren't "allowed" to be lesbians anymore.

And you probably know how TERFs think that trans men are also "traitors", if they don't just deny them being men at all. Because being a man is corrupt and bad (in their opinion).

This all is not being consciously used by most exclus, but it is the underlying basis for the arguments today.

(All of the following are not my opinions, just RadFem viewpoints.)

- "Bi lesbians" have to be bi people, they can't possibly be lesbians, because what's wrong with the word lesbian? Why would you be attracted to men? Just say "bi"!

- Lesbians can't be attracted to men because that's gross and if you're attracted to men at all, even a little bit, you can't be a lesbian.

- "Men can't be lesbians!" If you're a man half the time, you're still a man sometimes and that's corrupt and means you are basically just a man. And there's absolutely no way men could be closeted trans women or not know they are women yet at all because they're men!

The last one, by the way, is an extremely obvious TERF dogwhistle. When exclus say "men can't be lesbians", even if they know trans women are women, the TERFs love that shit. Seriously. And exclus unknowing reblog/retweet from TERFs saying that, as well.

So ultimately, the reason bi lesbianism works? Because the only counterarguments rely on RadFem/TERF BS that you could not pay me to ever believe in.

If lesbian has to be defined, something like "queer attraction to women" works in most cases, but there are some exceptions (I can't speak on it personally, I've just seen people who identify as lesbians that don't use that definition). However, every identity in the queer community really has a slightly different meaning to each person who uses it. So anyone who feels "lesbian" fits them can use it.

Also here's my other post that explains a little more about why people use it.

Sorry this is long, I just felt like I should explain exactly why the whole "non-men attracted to non-men" is based in rhetoric you probably don't want to use. But I hope you have a great day, and feel free to ask if you have more questions! :')

EDIT: @ anon... This post brought actual, full-on TERFs into my inbox, if that says anything about this whole thing lmao

#bi lesbian #asks #anon #lesbian #mspec lesbian #about terfs #about radfems #terfs fuck off #exclus fuck off #radfems fuck off #about exclus #long post

[themogaidragon]

Hi there I'm the body of our system. I don't front very often because of trust issues and a social phobia but out of curiosity I have a really compelling question:

My name is Ashur. I use the pronouns hey/hem/heirs but I think all except for she/hers are okay. Maybe? I am always questioning my gender identity. It's a common topic on my mind. Every label I have tried fits yet doesn't fit. Any time I try to figure out my gender identity I go into a sensory meltdown. I have Sensory Processing Disorder and it's as if my slow ability to understand things affects my ability to understand my gender. I know for a fact it is heavily influenced off of the fact that I'm both an empath and a weather Shaman. Every time I try to describe my gender it seems to escape me. I have hoarded many terms in the past and I am just getting so confused because I started to consider the term pangender (currently I am saying I am a nuerotix genderfluidflux demiboy) yet when I try to wrap my brain around the pangender label all I draw is extreme confusion because it doesn't seem like my SPD understands gender that well. Agender isnt right either because I do feel a gender there but I can't find it because it's just too complex to decipher. I know nuerotix fits but I have been changing my label ever since I was 5 and I am just curious as to what you think I might be going through? Is there a gender for feeling like the concept of gender is too complex to figure out because of my learning disability or even a gender that when I try to find it it feels like a never ending black hole that kinda sucks in all the labels it can find and then leaves me feeling empty and questioning again? Or maybe even a gender in which the key to find it has been lost or a gender that when I try to figure it out I draw a blank or even a gender that I can't find it because of my nuerodivergency and lack of ability to understand my own gender? I really need all the help I can get on this because I'm also diaresic or someone who desires genetalia that doesn't fit into the gender binary because it is genetically impossible. Any advice helps!

I think you'll find interesting labels for you here that could explain the gender-confusion you experience.

Maybe I could coin a term for you, also? Would this be a good solution for you? If it is the case don't esitate to send me another ask that explains in a few words your gender(s) so I can create a term for it.

[actual-changeling]

Hello!! Um, I heard you're open for questions. I'm afab and have been questioning my gender identity. I don't particularly connect with words like "woman" and i am certainly not male or masculine. The only way I've found to explain it is that I'm "just me." I'm just me... Do you think I may be agender? I really don't know. I still want to use she/her, because they/them doesn't feel right either. What do you think?

Hey! :D

From what you've described you could definitely be agender. You don't necessarily need to like and/or use they/them pronouns, any pronouns can be used by anyone and don't define your gender (though they can definitely express it if that's what you want c:).

Not feeling connected to women or men and masculinity or femininity is something I experience myself and was my first clue to figuring out my gender. To me, it mostly feels like a disconnect from the whole concept of gender. It just doesn't feel like it applies to _me_ and makes me uncomfortable most of the time.

It's always said, but if you think the label fits, use it. There are no rules for your gender, not guidelines you have to follow. Sure, gender is messy to figure out at times but your happiness is the most important thing.

If you have any other questions, feel free to message/ask again! I wish you the best of luck with figuring yourself out

#agender #anon ask #answered #gender #questioning #personal #nonbinary #queer

[hellyeahagender]

About your experience being agender (from that last post): was there a point at which you realized when you were agender? Like did you think about gender and realized you don't experience it like others do? Or was it there from a young age, you knew you were different and didn't see people like others did? Sorry if this is prying or doesn't make sense) I'm also questioning, and I think I might identify as agender? Mostly I just don't see the need for gender at all. But does that make me agender?

Hello anon, thanks for the question.

I first realized I was agender I think eight? years ago when I first discovered the term (and learned about nonbinary identities in general for the first time). Prior to that, I don’t know if I’d say that I knew I was different exactly so much as I have just never connected to the idea of gender or ever experienced it even at a young age. I had...pretty much zero concept of what gender was even then. It wasn’t something I thought about, it wasn’t something that had any meaningful connection for me--people would call me a girl and I guess I just got used to hearing it but it had no meaning for me, I never seriously thought of myself as a girl or as anything about myself as being girly. I never really even thought about gender in relation to my friends or classmates, either. They were just kids, like I was a kid, and I only thought of them as boys or girls so much as those were the groups that adults put us into; I only ever thought of myself as a girl as a purely categorical issue--a teacher would say girls on one side of the room and boys on the other and I’d go with the girls because a) that’s what people called me and b) I looked more like them than I did the boys and after a certain point it was just habit. Like the kids say, it just wasn’t that deep, and “being a girl” had no other meaning for me, it was not something that mattered or that was even remotely relevant to me or my interests or something that I was conscious of at all.

I got older and that feeling just never changed and I didn’t actually realize that not everyone felt that way until I interacted more with other people, particularly in learning about feminism for the first time, and I saw just how much emphasis was placed on gender--how it was described as something inherent, important, how much meaning other people placed on their own gender and how it was just intrinsically a part of them, how they could write these long passionate things about their gender and what it mean to them...and while I could get the point being made (this is a thing that is important to this person and here is why), still it may as well all have been all in French because I had absolutely no context for the experiences or feelings being described whatsoever. I had never had such innate feelings about girlhood or any thoughts about it at all other than the habitualness of going into a certain locker room or it being a thing people called me--things that I just did or just happened but that I prescribed no actual meaning to--and to see people who obviously felt much more strongly about it was....odd. Not exactly confusion so much as just a certain kind of uncomfortable dissonance. Thankfully, though, I didn’t actually have to experience it for long because it was also right around this time that I first found that nonbinary identities were a thing and pretty much the second I saw the term agender and the definition I thought, “oh yeah, this is it. this makes sense” and I haven’t looked back since.

So, that’s my experience but my experience is not the only experience there is. There are agender people who came out of the womb chill as fuck and never gave a thought to gender a day in their life,  there are agender people who struggled for years in pain before finally figuring it out, there are agender people who have gone from one label to agender to another and then back to agender and are still not totally sure...It’s not a one size fits all situation, basically, and it mostly comes down to just: is this term the best one that fits how I feel? Is this term the one I’m most comfortable with? And that is something only you can really decide.

#anonymous #asks #replies #agender #questioning #Anonymous