#but it's probably at least another week | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theminecraftbee · 2 years

Text

Joe had tried to write a will once.

Well, more accurately, he’d tried to make Cleo write one. After all, she had appropriate custody over an entire ship full of ghost sailors that season! If she’d inconveniently died, it would have been irresponsible to leave her armor stands to figure out what to do with the disaster that had resulted. Simply irresponsible, not to have a will.

Cleo had laughed at him. “Joe, I’m already dead. I’m not sure zombies can legally have wills.”

He’d huffed back. “Zombies can be responsible with what to do after they depart this plane the same as everyone else. Or, the second time they depart? You may have a point on the legality of the matter...”

He’d ended up half writing one too. To be honest, even as they both updated it season-to-season, Joe rarely had much he wasn’t willing to leave behind or loose. Oh, sure, he was terrible at letting go. One of the last through to the next world at the end of most seasons, in fact, too many projects still in the works, too many irons still in the fire. But not being willing to let go and not being willing to lose - those are two different things, now aren’t they? So, honestly, not much in his will. Normally, just who would take custody of any pets he’d picked up. (It was Cleo, and then normally either Xisuma or Scar if she couldn’t, depending on the pet and the year.)

He’d written it in rhyme this season, he thinks, standing alone in front of the spawn egg. Well, as fitting as everything else - no one will be around to execute it.

...and no one will have to. After all, Cleo had, after much cajoling, written hers in rhyme too, and he’s the executor. So, clearly, he can’t die, because that would put Cleo in real trouble if she managed to die a second time. Which she wouldn’t! Because she had a plan!

Maybe, he thinks, Cleo had a point, back then. Joe conquers death, and Cleo’s already died once.

What -

- he stares at the moon so long it burns his eyes, and then he takes flight again, ignoring the growing horrendous heat in his chest -

- what do they need wills for, anyway?

(Nothing at all.)

#yeah i don't know if i like this drafting it for now.#<- going through my drafts and apparently there’s just this WHOLE FICLET SITTING HERE?#with this as the only tag #and what the fuck this is actually good why didn’t I post it?#a bee fic #for the record this would have been written probably at most like two weeks after s8 finale #judging by other drafts #hermitcraft #joe hills #zombiecleo #moon’s big #<- been a while since I used that one #anyway since I am feeling an unknowable anxiety and can’t sleep there’s at least one other ficlet in here worth finishing/rescuing #so you may get another Old Thing Second Wrote

270 notes · View notes

lecliss · 26 days

Text

I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.

#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it #like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago #so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows #but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown #AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS #1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject #and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS #or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's #AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way #okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there.#also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that #well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there #ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE #also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines #IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT #AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS #i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen.#its VITAL that that did not happen!!!!#its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan #and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died #SO. logically it must have been like #fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?)#and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist?#like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote?#that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro #god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke.#NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW #in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw)#does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab????#oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute

12 notes · View notes

catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 6 months

Text

#tw suicide #no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family.#puddleglum hours #personal #its just i was thinking.#tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night.#and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed.#they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just.#what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here.#but i don't want to. i need them to save me #because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in #hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then.#at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me!#but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always.#i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way.#hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think.#because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters #and sometimes i just want to die.#im so tired of living guys. why #editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there #so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least

29 notes · View notes

mobius-m-mobius · 5 months

Note

sometimes i rewatch just the moment of Loki stumbling and tripping all over himself when he tries to approach Don!Mobius father of two at his home just to relive the moment of my jaw slowly dropping to the floor as it unfolded on my screen. truly there have been few moments that took me out with complete startled befuddlement so entirely as that. NOT because it wasn't perfectly in character I just hadn't in a million years expected a Disney/Marvel joint would let us SEE it.

You and me both anon, you and me both 🙏💖

There are some moments in life that really will last forever and what a pleasure it is to say the God of Mischief being canonically down for a single dad from Cleveland is now one of those, lmao. Honestly even to this day it's hard to wrap my mind around Loki's fit check, like there's poor Don literally just off work struggling with some trash and a chaotic household while an actual god lurks around wishing for a mirror in case he's not personally up to standard 😅

And like you said it's all COMPLETELY in character!!! Loki's never had to approach Mobius *needing* to impress before (because Mobius could never not be impressed with him) and because of it everything kind of hits in that moment how desperately he actually does want Mobius/Don to know how much he means and the difference he's made and if the only way that could be communicated is through some of the most obvious flirting any of us have ever witnessed then so be it. Still can't believe a full season of a Disney/Marvel show from start to finish gave the stuff dreams are made of, it's definitely a fluke but I'm running with it and never looking back lol.

#every day i pour one out for ep 5 being the surreal rom com fever dream we didn't know we needed or deserved #there will probably never be another moment like it in the history of tv or at least not as far as i'm concerned #i mean no wonder even now i can't bring myself to watch anything else when we got not just one full course meal but six??#they really said have sheer talent and the best chemistry you'll ever see speedrun every trope out there! enjoy 😉💕#tysm for the most relatable ask ever!! lots of love and hope you've got an amazing week ahead 💖#ask

28 notes · View notes

offantasiesandreams · 7 months

Note

OK. Hear me out: The reader making cute little plushies for the Elsens.

That's it. Go crazy. Go stupid

Ahhhh I envy reader in this one, I really wish I was capable of making plushies as well! That idea is so cute, the Elsen deserve to have a nice and warm, cuddly friend with them at all times! I wrote this a few months ago, in June or July, while I was still at school, so I don't remember if I've proofread this or not! And, in all honesty, I have too much commuting to do today to be able to properly do so either, so, sorry about that ^^'

Reader Making Cute Plushies for the Elsen

As someone who has always had a passion for creating and bringing smiles upon others, it pained you to see those poor inhabitants of such a bleak world, wishing to give them something to make them happy, to bring them joy and glee in this dreadful place. So, you’ve decided to make some plushies for them, a passion of yours for quite some time now. Anything and everything that came to mind, things, that those poor creatures have likely never seen before.

From armadillos to zebras, you’ve made it all as cute as possible, not wanting to scare away the shy and anxious Elsen. And some of them took a liking to your work as you went on with it, watching you with interest from the corners of their eyes, some even going as far as watching you over your shoulders as you oh so masterfully sewed together the ears of a panda. Once you’ve finished the animal and gave it to the first Elsen in your vicinity, the one observing your work and asking you about it, his eyes growing wide in surprise.

Cautiously, he took it from you, scrutinising it from every angle, trying to find the danger or harm in it. What if there was a bomb in it? What if meat was going to ooze from it? But no matter how much he poked and squeezed the plushie, nothing happened. In fact, the worst it did was give him the impression it was going to make a squeaky noise at any opportunity, but it never did. For a second, it seemed as though he was shaking with excitement, his tired smile turning genuine. Turning around, he showed off the gift he had received, with the other Elsen immediately taking to it.

As soon as the others had each taken their turn touching the felt, petting and squeezing it, the original Elsen took back its newly prized possession, thanking you and bowing low to you, wishing to show his gratitude. Soon after he had left, the others would flock to you, watching you intently, hoping to each receive a small gift from you, which you happily obliged with, giving each of them a small friend to call their own.

Soon enough, after a few days of preparation and weeks worth of work, every one of them had a small plushie with them at all times, cuddling them, making them have tea parties, yes, even living out their dreams through them together.

It didn’t take too long for all of them to plot and scheme together, knowing fully well that they would have a newfound guardian with them along with their original one. And yet, as much love as they have found within their novel toys, they were going to pay that exact same love back to you. They may not have had much, but they were willing to share what they did have with you. And thus, one day, you would find yourself getting dragged around by those small creatures into the library, the central part of zone 2. For as much as they looked down upon noise and intruders, they would hold a small “party” for you there. Even if calling it such was nothing short of a severe exaggeration, it was sweet nevertheless. And thus, they gifted you a cake, shaped in the likes of many a creatures you gifted them. Crocodiles, ostriches, turtles, everything you could think of was there. It was quite the small spectacle, but one of love, adoration and gratitude for you.

#off (game)#off x reader #elsen x reader #elsen x player #well I'm back in school once again for the next 9-10 weeks #then I'll be free for at least a year before I'll have to go back to school again #it doesn't help that I'm probably getting sick after just the first week as well #just like last time I went there #god I hate that little village so much there's a single store you can buy food from and one store where you can buy döner kebab #I've been living off of kebabs and pizza the entire week and I will be living off of that until school is over too hhhh #but at least it has a cute little bakery-cafe where I can buy all sorts of baked goods. it's the only refuge I have in that godforsaken pla #they sell spelt-wheels there and they're so delicious. just the right amount of sweet at a good and affordable price #but hey at least I won't have to attend p.e. and religion classes there #another saving grace

41 notes · View notes

deus-ex-mona · 18 days

Text

series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:

#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don’t want to✨#and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate #so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah.#thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou #i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh #compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol #i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help—#so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig #my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa #i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control…#b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you #tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao #so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol #but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato)#so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though #either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane #i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date…#at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration…#…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig.#oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far…#i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience.#help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m.#anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee

14 notes · View notes

seventh-district · 2 days

Text

so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr 2.2 #hsr spoilers #hsr leaks #the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am #i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before #but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one #so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days #it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me #but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and #gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it #and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story #not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know #but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game #anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream #pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we #i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing #Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it #and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet #also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good #Seven.txt #viddy game stuff

8 notes · View notes

welcometogrouchland · 2 years

Text

[ID: four page comic of the owl house. Page 1: Eda walks past Luz, Gus and Willow, who're sat on the floor of the owl house around a box labeled "Eda's Music". Eda notices them and peeks around the corner asking "uh, hey kid- whatcha doin?". Luz says "oh hey Eda!".

Page 2: Luz says "we were just going through all your old human music!" While holding a CD case. She continues "I've been getting nostalgic listening to some old latin pop CDs, like what my mom used to play around the house! (You have a surprising amount of merengue music btw)". Gus sheds a single tear and says "I've sampled human music before but, wow, just, wow! The technique...the inspiration...Carly Rae Jepsen is a genius". Willow looks to the side and says "and I've been listening to your old breakup mixtapes!".

Page 3: Eda looks at her blankly before saying "my what?". Willow says- "your breakup music! There's a whole box of it. I'm pretty over it now but back in the day...when Amity stopped hanging out with me...it hit me hard. I kinda had a phase of only listening to angsty breakup songs for like...a month. Maybe more. It's kinda sad in retrospect".

In the background we can see a flashback of young willow sobbing in bed while summoning vines to cover photos of her and Amity on her wall. Willow continues "things are a lot better now don't get me wrong...but I still listen to that playlist every once in a while when I need a release". Eda contemplates, then grimaces, remembering breakup with Raine (who's pictured saying "it's over, eda").

Page 4: Eda looks at Willow. She eventually says "wanna trade?" And Willow looks up. Final panel shows Luz standing in the doorway concerned as she looks at Willow and Eda. willow is kneeling in front of a casette player and headphones with a shadowy expression and Eda is in the family guy death post with a phone and headphone wire next to her. Both have annotations- Willow's says "got One of Us by ABBA" and Eda's is "got Nightshift by Lucy Dacus". Luz says "you guys good?". End ID]

*slides my Eda and Willow trade angsty breakup songs on s2A hc across the table*

#the owl house #willow park #eda clawthorne #luz noceda #gus porter #(i know he's essentially a cameo in this but he has a speaking role at least i feel justified tagging him)#raeda #not really intended as amillow? more abt the experience of taking a friendship breakup hard but lacking the language to describe it #but can be interpreted as amillow if you want #anyway. every stage of this comic kicked my ass and tbh it's not my favorite but it got me drawing again and that's good #i still think the idea is funny part of me is just like. actually we can do better lets take it from the top #which is deranged bc I've already spent like 2-ish weeks on this i am not looking at this for another second #do i think enjoying angsty breakup music is wholly in character for willow? im not sure. she doesn't like dwelling on the negative #BUT like. i think you can make the argument she'd enjoy it in private. she represses a lot of feelings she needs some kind of outlet #and this is s2A in my mind (post eclipse lake where willow and Gus want to check out more human music)#so i feel like I can justify her talking about her angsty guilty pleasure to eda #also like. bby willow is DEVASTATED in the understanding willow flashbacks. maybe older willow tries to ignore things #but for at least a few months it was probably a big struggle for her coming to terms w/ why amity stopped hanging out w/ her #anyway i don't want to look at this anymore. have at thee!#i have 2 (two) more comics thumbnailed and one of them is shorter/funnier but the other one is a hc I really like #so currently a toss up between which one gets done next #it's half past midnight and i don't wanna stay awake until 2 am again so I'll probably just leave this lurk for a bit and then sleep #i hate the way this is formatted (the images are SO SMALL ON MOBILE) but i don't want this post to be more vertical than it is

301 notes · View notes

constellation-skirmishes · 8 months

Text

help.

i have 10 more clones all ready to post

theyre multiplying

theres too many theyve taken over

#lukka's datapad #lukka's ocs #WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY #WHEN I SET OUT TO MAKE A BATALLION I WAS ONLY HALF JOKING #NOW ITS NOT A JOKE ANYMORE #HELP ME #HELP #why are there 10 of them.........#then ill probably come up with more as i go about doing things....#looks like you have at least another week and a half of vod on a log in a bog

20 notes · View notes

hi-im-kaybee · 27 days

Text

i've been sitting on this story for a little while after the finals last quarter, and re-reading it now it's not as bad as i remember. enjoy!

The cool air outside whistled through the little vents and cracks of the cafeteria’s windows. It was an irritating note piercing the noise of the morning rush; I could hear it cleanly over the humdrum din of other diners. Comrades, you could call them; but I wasn’t too close to anyone across the fort, outside of getting to know the nurses a little better than some. So I stayed in my own personal bubble, in the far corner, idly stirring my spoon in the instant coffee for far longer than I really needed to. An excited little goat girl was bleating my name, bringing my eyes up out of interest and disdain.

PFC Elle Girbach sat in front of me. I may have endured her better than I endure others, being in the same platoon and all, but it was still grating to have my usually-solitary meal time interrupted like this. “Kaybee! Did’jya hear the news?” she chirped. In my irritated state, I growled out, “And a warm hello to you too.” My eyes returned to my drink—I wasn’t looking at her face, but if I was, I would have been met with a hurt tensing of the brow. She continued. “...they’re finally getting applicants processed for the new ‘Castor-Pollux’ procedure.” This did catch my attention, and I was able to tear my gaze away from my coffee to her and finally take a drink. “The what?” I asked. “I’m not sure, honestly. Just this new thing related to our mech department. Supposed to help with performance, apparently.” She looks around, brows furrowed further in observant concern. “Well, I’d assume so; they never find the budget for anything that doesn’t.” I rolled my eyes, bringing my hand to my chin and my elbow to the table. “True, but what they have it set up for in particular eludes me.” “Not me.” I returned to my defensive standoff. “Now find another pilot to bother, I need to relax before the upcoming sortie.”

She got up, flashing her enhanced carbide canines nestled in artificial gums, with a dismissive click of the tongue. “Gee, looks like someone’s in a mood today...” I interrupted her; “Oh, you’ll find I’m in many moods all the time,” said with a facetious smirk. “This one happens to be anti-social.” My brow drops as fast as my mask of a smile. “Now beat it, before I have to beat some sense into you.” She raised her chin at me and left. It may have been harsh but I know she takes it easy; you kind of have to keep a guard up around here, because you will get pushed over if your fellow pilots and other crew think they can get away with it. After I finish my coffee and hash, I rack up to the changing room some six floor above this one. The walk is a little more calming than the breakfast; at such an early morning hour, while the sun was still pulling itself up and over the landscape, the halls were quiet and uneventful.

No sooner do I reach the door and take two steps in does my wrist buzz—I glance down at my wrist, squinting at the embedded LED strip under my skin. My report from the top brass is to... head to sector 5? But that’s practically as far from the mech hangar as you could possibly get out here. What did they need with me out there?

The lights inside the pod flicker from white to orange as I climb in. It’s a very defined texture along the walls here, filled with greebling and pocketed with technology that does... far more than what I could even imagine. But the paint scheme on everything matches my bodysuit and helmet, so I must be in the right place. A little buzz on my wrist alerts me to a message incoming from the research team, giving me a concise list of instructions to get “plugged in”. I do have a few slots surgically embedded onto my body, but the process here seems to avoid those, mostly talking about getting certain wires put into the suit alone. As the last wire slots into place, the pod hums and my suit hums with it, before all the lights in here snap to green. I send a quick neural message, thinking: What’s next, then? Is this gonna be safe? before my wrist buzzes again, affirming that everything so far has been nominal and there’s no readings to indicate anything but. I try to swallow my worries down with a gulp—it doesn’t work. With nothing left to do, I let my finger tap the switch in front of me as directed.

Suddenly the whole pod goes from humming to singing a tone, shaking me to my very core. I struggle to stay upright, grasping at anything that allows my hands purchase on the curved walls. I can’t bear it, it feels like the pod itself is shrinking, I must get out of here—a full-on panic attack is erupting from between my ears. I’ve never been so scared before. I start clawing at my own suit, the constricting nature ensnaring me somehow, further adding to the deluge of sensory overload. My arms successfully puncture the suit, and I can barely feel my wrist buzzing above the myriad of other inputs, messages ensuring me that this is somehow still typical for their experiment; then it finally happens.

My arm is splitting in two, down the hand and right to the elbow. But there’s no blood or viscera, just a few extra fresh fingers peeling from the interior and finding the right place to settle. I would scream if I could find my voice, but it’s lost in the din of the pod. I stare in horrified wonder as the split continues down my arm, into my torso, and an unbearable itch develops from within me. I grope, pry, claw and struggle with my own body, before tearing my suit in two outright. The moment flashes into my skull, searing into my mind forever—I see someone else in the pod with me at the same time.

It takes a few minutes for me—us?—to catch our bearings. I have to lean on them initially for support, but eventually I can stand unassisted in the pod. I look them—me—down, and notice my suit is practically identical to theone I’m in right now, down to the little tears and scratches from earlier. Parts of my suit are plugged in, mirroring the connections that I have on my side as well. I feel their arms, trying to gauge the level of intimacy I have with my own self, looking back at me. Where their hands glide, it sends shivers across my body like waves on a still shore. Where mine glide, I can feel their body tense up, then relax, not yet accustomed to being touched by someone who knows them so well.

The pod is still for all these moments, feeling like eternity to ourselves. I hold them just as closely as they do to me. It’s a little... unreal how intimate I had allowed myself to be with what is technically a complete stranger. We haven’t even spoken to one another yet, but it’s like I knew what they wanted, what they were dying for, without a word shared between us. Without feeling like a word needs to be uttered. Eventually, I get another buzz on my wrist, letting me know they’ve been monitoring us and asking how I’m feeling subjectively. I start up another neural message, but try to imprint the raw feeling this time; instead of any words, I send the thoughts of how it feels to be alone with me, bundled with a few memories of the intimacy I felt with my own mom when I was young, and how I pined for some of my friends as I was growing up, always feeling drawn toward them as I aged but never being able to truly feel as close as I wanted to.

I spend another few moments just holding myself, and finally allow myself to break the silence. It’s the first time I’ve felt my voice all day, and it’s incredibly dry and froggy. I spare a little cough, and in return I chuckle at the seemingly-forced formality of it all. It’s true, I thought, that I was finally able to be completely and utterly vulnerable.

So I just asked myself a few things, things I had always wanted to try and figure out if I had another me in the room to answer. Some of it was to truly parse what I was feeling, and get a sense for the thoughts I had as an external mediator to myself; some of it was to merely hear myself talk, and remind myself that I needn’t be so damn hard on myself all the time. We continued like this for a short while, when finally I had one last buzz on my wrist. I knew they had read it as well, because it shocked both of us silent to the core.

They asked us to decide which one of us gets to leave the pod, never to return, and which one has to stay here forever. We had an hour to decide.

They never make it easy, do they?

I assume we share the same thought, as my double shoots me a look right as I shoot one to them. We chuckle quietly, muffling the dread of our inevitable decision; if only for a moment, it’s another moment to share together. I look, almost hopeful? And it’s because I assume I’d understand my decision better than anyone else. My mind was made up almost instantly, and I decided to spend the rest of the hour in peace; in a solitude of two, the company of myself.

Elle is the first of my platoon to see me after my little experiment, as we’re in the throes of an evening sortie.

She comments on my new mech, assigned to me earlier that day. “Hmph, figures they’d give the hotshot wrecking ball a new set of legs. What’s up with this, are they forcing you to toe the line so the mechanics stop gettin’ all uppity at having to fix your antics?” “...huh? Oh, no, this was for my... assignment today.” I respond, a little slower than usual, and she catches that quickly; she’s visibly taken off-guard by my lack of hostility. She responds, nodding; “Uh-huh... I, uh, hope you enjoy it.” She walks back to her own mech and techies rummaging about, no doubt already spreading the rumors of my altered behavior. It doesn’t bother me a bit.

I stride to my handlers, who are already preparing the cockpit for me. They hook me up, carefully inserting each wire into the ports on my skin. My senses dissolve into the synchronicity of my mech, and a familiar voice echoes in my mind, speaking to me—my own. “God, this feels so weird...”

“Maybe you’re lucky. I’ve always wondered how it feels to be in there.”

“Well, it’s weird. And when you got in here, it felt like I was... stepping into my own body. Or having it taken over...”

“What, like when we sync?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh...” I can’t bring my hand to my chin, but I can feel the ‘in- between’-ness of us doing it.

“It’s... a little hard to describe. Sorry...”

“That’s fine, it’s just... fun, watching you get to experience all this.”

“Thank you. It’s been fun so far, too.”

I couldn’t see them smiling—the fact that they didn’t have a physical body anymore kept that in check—but I could feel it. “You’ll have to keep me updated on all the stuff out of the mech as well.”

“Oh, they didn’t tell you? They’re giving me a little wi-fi unit to stay in touch with you.” I smiled broadly, and I knew they could feel it, too.

“Looking forward to it, then. Let’s get to work.” The mechs were ferried to the north field, and our sortie commenced.

#kaybee #kaybee writing #mechposting #haven't done this in forever #it was really fun getting forced to make this story #which is why i probably won't write for at least another few weeks #mech pilot

9 notes · View notes