#but like im not even lying my brain is just constantly thinking about these games for some reason.

[slocumjoe]

some things I love about the companions 💞

Ada; is best girl. She's a cool ass robot who gives me glue and doesn't judge me. No, this is not my "transformers prime permanently rewired my brain" bias for robots. At risk of sounding like a 12 year old boy, Assaultatrons are just badass designs. And she's blue!

Cait; is a lot funnier than anyone gives her credit for. Also, weirdly educated? For example, she wonders if Raiders like tunnels as a "Freudian" thing. Few people she'd have met would known about Freud, so she'd have to have gone and read about it herself. Also also, is on Danse's level of romantic sweet talk. Girl makes me swoon.

Codsworth; somehow hates the wasteland more than X6. His wording and tone is very optimistic but you can tell that, underneath his chipper facade, Codsworth is so fucking grossed out by everything he sees. Also, the only two companions he doesn't trust to keep you safe, are Piper and MacCready. Make of that what you will.

Curie; X6-88 (like, 10 years old) calls her unqualified and she (200ish) basically tells him to get the fuck back in the play pen

Danse; Sending his eyebrows to space by showing the smallest amount of care and affection. I'm pretty sure this man would die if someone asked if he was okay.

Deacon; talks a big game about being a liar, and being very good about it, but if you don't read that 'recall code' ASAP, he bugs you about it constantly because he hates lying to you. It's not even that you're being naive, he genuinely hates that he's being trusted when you were supposed to question him.

Dogmeat; my favorite thing about Dogmeat is that I'll spend an hour scrapping all dog houses in Sanctuary, make him a little area in my backyard with a house, food bowl, toys, a rug, and classical music, and he thanks me by getting up on my countertops to sleep, using my antique pie collection as bedding.

Gage; Wears a fake eyepatch and throws hissy fits when my army of sexy chads curbstomps his furries, Nepo babies, and Joker stans. This is entirely wishful thinking and I get why this didn't happen, but I would have liked an option to convince him "Hey, I'm coming back with my army to wipe out all these raiders, but I'll give you a chance to join me or leave since you also seem to hate these chuckleheads." I appreciate his shady convict uncle vibes. I would let him teach Shaun how to cheat at cards.

Hancock; takes mentats to feel "intellectual" when he has the second highest INT of all the companions. Also, his puppy dog eyes. "IM FERAL NOW" as he gets his ass kicked by a legendary god roach

MacCready; dork man. he has more cliche stock line jokes than Deacon. I unironically vibe with his taste in trailers, fucking LOVE leopard print (fake bc we don't fuck with wasteful animal hunting like that). He's a very cozy companion to travel with, for lack of a better description. Like if a thermos of soup was a human.

Nick; Nick is what I imagine Mac would be like as he got older—just a laid-back weirdo who wants whats best for you and will insult you so you understand that. I love his tacky ass agency sign. I wish you could put him in other clothes, because I need him in a bathrobe wielding a cane against my enemies. Just really succumb to the grumpy uncle vibes.

Old Longfellow; reminds me strongly of my old neighbor, an elderly southern gentleman who was a sniper in the military, had a chunky rottie named Baby, and once watched me play Fallout and gave his opinions on the design of the weapons in game. That man is now in Thailand with his girlfriend. I've never traveled with Longfellow but I'm pretty sure its a 1 to 1.

Preston; if you don't take Preston to Quincy, I don't blame you, because oh man, does he not have a great time there! Preston sounds five seconds away from snapping his gun over his knee and going for strangulation in Quincy. King shit.

Piper; I was pretty harsh to Piper but I love her gaslight gatekeep girlboss approach to her life. She's like an adult Junie B Jones. Piper has never had her shit together and is self-medicating with sugar harder than Hancock and Cait do with drugs. She's a cringefail woman. If Bethesda was brave they would have gone with her pixie cut concept.

X6-88; a blank canvas for me to go wild on with the fanon. But I love how he's just an asshole 10 year old murderbot that's scared of heights, thinks Power Armor is so cool he privately fangirls over Danse, is scared of children, and gushes over how awesome the Survivor is to his courser buddies. What a babe.

#fallout 4 #fo4 #fallout 4 companions #paladin danse #preston garvey #piper wright #robert joseph maccready #nick valentine #john hancock #i have literally nothing to like abt strong sorry #hes real big and green. i guess green is a nice color? #oh wait. Mack Ree Dee. there. good Strong thing

[foxgloveinspace]

Spoonie Neil headcanons (pt. 1/?)

Hey I decided to write this, and probably won’t be updating this headcanon series, sorry guys!! (You have to be logged into ao3 to read it)

It all starts when Abby jokingly says ‘and remember, the normal amount of pain is no pain’ as they get ready to start a game. He rolls his eyes at first, but then that night when he really thinks about it he starts to wonder to himself

Is the pain I remember having constantly from a life on the run and then a life of constant practice?

He takes a couple nights off of extra practice, making Kevin pissed at him, and Andrew silently concerned, but him pulling back in day practice as well has most of the team on edge for the week it keeps up.

On that Saturday he walks into Abby’s office and sits on her table, and looks her right in the eye and says ‘I have pain all the time. I have been in constant pain since I was a kid. I don’t know if it’s something my dad did, or if I’ve always been like this.’

She’s concerned. Duh.

They do some tests come up with 🤷🏼 it’s pain.

She asks Neil if she should tell coach or if she should, and he says he’ll take care of it.

He doesn’t.

He doesn't tell anyone and starts practicing hard again.

Except that now that he knows about it, it's harder to ignore.

The constant ache in his left hip and ankle that are just barely there, the way his fingers hurt after it gets cold, when he feels it down to his bones.

It's all harder to push to the back of his brain now.

Kevin notices first. (Andrew knows something is up, he just figures Neil will now tell him about it....) He notices Neil rubbing his left knee in the hall once, when he thinks he's alone in between classes.

He corners Neil before night practice, Andrew already in the goal, and them putting on their gear.

'you pushed yourself too hard, your injured, you don't play while injured' lecture.

'it's not an injury.' 'I saw you rubbing your knee, and limping. Stop Lying to Me'.

He ends up shouting it, 'Im always in pain'. He's so loud even Andrew stops what he's doing (swinging his racket around, practicing sick af spins).

They all stand there. not saying anything, Neil's panting even though he doesn't even feel out of breath.

'what.' Kevin says it in an icy voice.

'im always in pain, I have chronic pain, I don't know why, but I hurt all the time.'

Kevin is quiet. and then he says, Neil's worst nightmare, 'we're not practicing tonight.'

Neil hasn't shed tears since he was a kid, since before his mom knocked it out of him (literally), but he's close in that moment, taking off his gloves and throwing them on the ground/at Kevin, and stomping back into the lockers.

Kevin doesn't even say anything, just picks them up and Andrew walks out after them, having come close enough to the door to hear the conversation.

When they get back to the room, Neil just wants to be alone. But instead Kevin follows after him, and pushes him down on one of the bean bags.

'stay'

Neil's leg hurts too much to really argue, but he sits there stewing.

Andrew is staring at him fron across the room, he's sitting on his desk, and Neil looks at him, but he can sort of read Andrew's expression, and he doesn't like it, so he looks at the black tv screen.

the microwave goes off, and Neil almost jumps. he almost does again when the door to it is slammed shut.

Kevin comes back in the room, holding a heat pack.

He walks over to Neil, and drops down to his knees in front of him, 'which knee?'

Neil shakes his head, and presses his hand to his hip, and Kevin lays the heat pack over Neil's side, and Neil makes a quizical sort of noise, but then he sighs as it starts to ease the pain a little.

Kevin hesitates for a moment, his eyes flickers toward Andrew's direction for a second, before he sighs, and reaches up to ruffle Neil's hair.

'I'll teach you how to take care of it better, ok?'

Neil sighs, but nods, his hands curling in the front of his hoodie.

'We'll try ice for your knee, hows that sound?'

Neil just nods again.

he dozes to the sound of Kevin and Andrew discussing compression leggings.

they get them overnight shipped.

Kevin places both hands on Neil shoulders and stands him in front of Coach until Neil finally tells him.

'Yeah, so. Me and Abby figured out I have chronic pain.'

Coach nods, 'ok. That why you where late this morning?'

Neil cringes, 'no, Kevin got me weird leggings that seem to help.'

Coach pauses his watching of the rest of the team, and turns too look at Neil, 'when did you and Abby figure this out again?'

Neil, finally getting fidgety, 'uhh, last month.'

Coach pinches the bridge of his nose, 'ok, dipshit, I'll work on changing your routine now.'

the tension melts out of Neil's shoulders. Kevin sighs. David looks frustrated, 'did you think I was gonna bench you?'

Neil doesn't do anything, but Kevin nods his head.

David sighs, 'get back to practice idiots.'

#aftg #neil josten #kevin day #uhhhh this is technically #kevneil #kevineil #no one worry though cause its still #andreil #its just that I don't ship andrew and kevin so its not the three sorry sorry #but Andrew and Neil are very soft for each other. and Neil is gonna be getting a lot of attention from Andrew. hence this being part one. #come back in a few weeks or so for part two! #considering I started this in like. June. #but kevineil is like. this ship I have a soft place for in my heart and I want to make more content for them. i should finish #that smut i started where Andrew is platonic with Kev but he watches Kevin and Neil fuck lol. #which is their ship name btw I do not know. oof

[yonpote]

I need to know why and how you were anti-phannie from 2014-2016

alright here we go i get to talk about THIS shit now.

i was generally anti-rpf at that point, and honestly? i think it was for fair enough reasons as some people were a bit too eager about showing (general) youtubers stories they wrote about them sucking and fucking their friends. i think i was also pretty high and mighty about being a somewhat oldhead phannie tbh, like ugh do these gaming-channel-only people even know about dan being super edgy and offensive 🙄 and lowkey it was a lot of subtly misogynistic "i'm not like other girls" type shit like i was sooo much better than yall cuz i hadn't watched that video (yet.)

i was generally not into these sorts of fandoms to begin with. i wasnt on the superwhopotterlock side, i was on the homestuck/dangan ronpa/anime of the month side of tumblr, if that gives you an idea of what i was like lol. around 2014-15 i was very much in a community that is kinda similar to what you might see on twitter now, where if you had any interests in media that portrayed anything problematic, that means you are in full support of that problematic thing. if dan howell said something racist in 2010, it doesn't matter that he wasn't being racist in 2015 he's still racist and liking him makes you a racist etc. and of course, rpf is included in problematic topics. if you ship real people, even if said people say they don't mind it, you are a sick pervert and you should be in the loony bin for being so depraved. and if you write or read any fiction that has immoral acts, it means you support those acts in real life too and you are trying to normalize abuse and SA (yknow as if whitecishetpatriarchy hasnt normalized that enough) and you're a danger to children and you deserve to rot in prison (yknow as if a queer person writing stories about queer people hasnt heard that one before)

now here's the real kicker. in 2015-2017 i ran a game grumps fan blog where i did talk about shipping the grumps. "wait how were you anti-rpf if-" well have you ever heard of this thing called Lying? or perhaps even, Cognitive Dissonance? i HAD to run a separate blog for this interest, because if my friends knew i consumed slashfic about arin and danny they would stop being friends with me and think im this evil horrible monster etc. genuinely that was where my brain was at, and is a little bit the reason i decided to this day, to make my phannie accounts completely separate from my main accounts.

nowadays, none of my non-phannie friends actually give a fuck and i do occasionally talk about dnp being silly gay white boys w them! at this point i dont post about em on main just out of respect like "hey im sure you dont actually want to hear about british yaoi constantly regardless of our level of friendship so i'll keep it over here okay?"

also, yeah i grew out of thinking consuming media with deplorable acts makes me deplorable. my favorite tv show is hannibal. i know its shocking, but i dont actually support serial killer cannibals. i will say, i dont fuck with "pro/anti" language with regards to what is considered "problematic" or having that be an identity marker. i think that people are free to write fiction as they please so long as its all properly tagged for people who dont enjoy that kind of content to avoid. but i also think there can be and often are problems in the way these stories are written, and yeah if all the romance stories you read growing up involve some sort of force or danger, that CAN normalize this sort of action as inherent to romance stories/real life romance. but i think thats an issue with like, society at large, and it's not on an individual fic writer to be educating teens who read their dead dove fic despite the explicit rating and tags.

TL;DR: BASICALLY. I WAS A DUMBASS KNOW-IT-ALL BUT DW I GOT BETTER.

#myrambles #sorry for party yapping

[argentsunshine]

anon with the add on back :

yeah, now that you explain it does make a bit more sense but it. just hurts because whereas they acknowledged yusuke blantantly lying about madarame stealing his work, they seem to just completely kind of ignore akechi's warnings and that doesnt even make sense to me.. they dont even really acknowledge it, all because they dont know who he's working for until the last minute, and that doesnt make sense to me at all. but ty for taking ur time to ramble: i actually do it myself a lot, and i have so many thoughts abt so many things that i'd like to explore more in depth but can't put in words myself .. i'd just wish theyd atleast acknowledge that akechi is being used the same way everyone else was instead of ignoring it, even if they still cant continue to aid him: it feels like they didnt try (to me), even with ryuji's ... hatred for him, i'd atleast think that ryuji would atleast try to acknowledge it and want to do something but being unable to instead of still being an ass, even if goro is one as well (and i think, speaking of mental illness, as someone with npd and aspd and avpd, goro has both symptoms of npd and aspd: futaba has symptoms of avpd, but thats a topic at a later time.) and i think goro's not truly being himself in 3rd sem when he's blunt and mean, that he's still constantly masking, as people with npd and or aspd do like myself, and he's tired of being nice on tv so he has to pull thin insults when in real life because as much as he masks, it gets annoying, and he (along with myself and many others) likely has low empathy and just thinks of others (especially those of ryuji's caliber, as much as i love ryuji and everyone else) as , well put, idiots, because they dont know as much as he does, and the fact that they know more than him in the metaverse has likely made him crash (his engine room was essentially an npd crash, i think), but them not knowing "basic information" (as my brain puts) likely gives him a narc high, which also leads to thinly veiled insults.. adding onto the npd goro akechi, i think akira is his ep (Equal Person-- people w/ npd hold them to high standards, higher than they hold for themselves, and expects them to challenge eachother-- essentially akechi's rivalry with akira.. in alternative, bpd akira tells me that akechi is his FP, but i can discuss that at a later time)

regardless, and apologizes for this long paragraph, tysm for responding because that does make things a little clearer, and no one's really talked to me about it before, so thank you :D

yeah, i absolutely get where you're coming from - although i think the statement "they're ignoring his warnings because they don't know who he's working for" has the flipside of "by the time those warnings are given, the thieves already know he's the black mask and is presumably being manipulated by someone, so he's not actually warning them about anything they don't already know"

but yeah, the only reason i don't think they should have reached out to him pre-engine room is that i don't know when in the story that would have been an option: their plan to find out who his boss was wouldn't have worked if they'd tipped him off to the fact that they knew he was the black mask, and after 11/20, he thinks Akira's dead, and i doubt he would gave listened to any of the others. i think Ryuji's treatment of him us also kind of a result of Ryuji's general main story characterisation - in game the vibe is very much that ryuji doesn't like him because he's popular and smarmy and talked shit about the thieves on live tv, rather than the fact that he's a murderer, but they don't let ryuji have complex takes on things in the story ever. now im thinking about their relationship in my palace au lmao. if i were to frame it in more. terms. idk. ryuji hates the detective prince. but akechi doesn't respect ryuji so ryuji has no reason to try harder

and on the npd/aspd front - I'm not super familiar with npd but i can absolutely see that (i think akechi has a bunch of obvious Mental Illness Symptoms that are common to a lot of things, which is why i think mentally ill bitches latch onto him no matter what's going on. people saying he has npd have always sounded right to me i think he's autistic also because -- well you heard what i said about unsympathetic symptoms of mental illness last time) but as someone who has some symptom overlap i think youre 100% right on stuff i know about. low empathy bitches rise up.

but yeah, i think a lot of stuff is kind of the result of the writers seeming constantly all over the place with him. i think it's especially bad in the section from 11/20 to the engine room, because while i think in royal there was some vision for who he was supposed to be, everything in vanilla is far more over the place, and in some cases vanilla's contradictory writing of him is made worse by its interactions with royal's akechi content. because 11/20 isn't designed to accommodate for the possibility that this guy could be your actual friend rather than a guy you've spoken to a few times turned tenuous ally turned traitor. i don't think akechi ever would have acted differently in a way that mattered, but the way the thieves talk about him is in line with his flatter villain characterisation in that period in vanilla. he's a terrible irredeemable evil person until just before he dies, and then he's a tragic victim to the point that in the shadow shido fight, they talk as if akechi wasn't responsible for any of his own actions, despite the fact that he was demonstrably doing it of his own free will. and then he dies and you're not supposed to care because he's a Bad Guy so they barely bring him up again in vanilla. all that rings a little strange with the royal stuff

anyway all this has got me thinking about the dynamics between akechi and the non-akira thieves. i should really keep writing my akira's palace fic

[kokitschi]

1. i love your blog sm kokichi is my favourite character (mayyyybe besides tsumugi but if so he's a CLOSE second. maybe even on par.) and your enthusiasm makes my WHOLE day i love it so much

2. (if you don't mind me responding to your post in ask format. if not feel free to ignore lol) I don't think what Kokichi suffers from enough to cause his death is self-hatred. I think it's self-apathy, and that messes me up UNIMAGINABLY so i HAVE to get it off my chest.

I think the fact that Kokichi is so enthusiastic about so many things (real or fake, he undeniably acts it, and at the very LEAST we know he cares about the death game. and i like to think he just cares about games in general. i think his special interest is chess but that's a headcanon for another post-) and he cares so little about his own life that he'd WILLINGLY do that to himself, for any reason, is absolutely DEVASTATING. I don't think he cares enough about his own life to hate it. He constantly uses himself as just a 'piece' or a 'character' in his own little method of winning (surviving - and helping other people to survive, too) the game (goddamn the chess metaphors at it again 😔), from pretending to be the mastermind, to playing devil's advocate every. single. trial. to lying and covering up evidence during trials, to finally, literally killing himself to get what he wants. He detaches himself so much FROM himself that when the time comes that his death is beneficial, he's like "yeah, seems legit" and just. does it.

(Sidenote: I find it incredibly ironic that everyone sees him as this master manipulator, and the person he manipulates most successfully is himself. Anyway-)

(sorry for the word vomit! your post just got me THINKING and i love character analysis so much AUGH themes and narratives and characters rotating in my head at all times. i cannot not speak about it.)

me rn:

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

-

that is a very good point! personally i've always seen him as rather depressed but he's grown very apathetic - he accepted himself as a bad person who won't change. you're right - he does not care about himself.

i also think that he isn't insecure. i think he knows what he's capable of perfectly well. so he's like "okay, if i don't do this - who will?"

because most of the others are still in conflict with themselves, they're unsure about what to do and that makes them slow to act.

i don't think that kokichis some perfect machine who has completely turned off his emotions, at all, but he's better at it than most.

because, like you said, he's very detached from himself - he's a game piece, he's playing the role of the antagonist. he's just doing what's meant for his role.

i imagine that he still has his conscience screaming at him though.

and i think that kinda bleeds into his actions, almost but not exactly subconsciously if that makes sense.

like, once he's got miu and gonta killed, it's like nooo im totally not acting out because i feel extremely guilty. nooo this kamikaze plan is definitely not a direct result of that. i am simply the antagonist. im evil and crazy and this is what is in character for me. this is simply my curtain call.

-

btw, i must tell you, this part: "He detaches himself so much FROM himself that when the time comes that his death is beneficial, he's like "yeah, seems legit" and just. does it." has got my brain on zoomies. it's like. yeah. that's so so so fucked. i love it

-

BTW hard same on the chess hc and i also like tsumugi a lot!! (though more as a concept)

i dunno how accessible this fic is for non-umineko fans but a fic that encapsulates both of ^these things is this one. one of my faves for sure.

-

never feel sorry about ranting in my asks, posts or whatever! i love reading this stuff!!! (can't promise i'll always answer this fast tho lol)

#feel free to dm me any time too if u wanna 👍

[moss-flesh]

6 and 19 from the ask game thingie for aila and alistair? <3

THANKYOU FOR THA ASKS ! <3

6. When did they realize they loved each other?

SOBS !!! Alistair sustains that he loved her the whole time but Aila calls bullshit and always tries to get him to tell her when it happened exactly. He did say one time that he hadnt realized it until after they went to redcliffe. He told her he was a royal bastard and she still liked him, she barely gave a shit in fact. she even went out of her way to protect Arl Eamond and his family, though she had a blatant dislike for them. Once all that was over and he got back to camp his brain would not leave him alone and just kept replaying their interactions together and it was like he got punched in the face. He knew he liked her but thats when he was like oh maker im so SCREWED! According to Aila it happened to her around the same time. Heres this guy that she thinks is handsome and funny, oh whatever might as well flirt and enjoy his company while we go through hell together, its not serious. But then they just have the best chemistry and begin to develop something more, which she has literally never experienced as circle mages tend not to risk love. Still shes lying to herself like “hah i totally could stop if i wanted to.”

And then they went to redcliffe and she continues lying to herself like “yeah sure i could do this an easier way but that would be dumb haha, going back to the circle is much smarter haha..” so then she returns to the circle relives some trauma, and oh yeah kills a specific abusive templar who was being attacked by demons in front of everyone and then doesn’t let anyone ask about it. ANYWAY she gets a little unhinged during the circle quest, but she realizes he still sees her the same way. Hes not scared of her, he doesnt think shes cruel, he still looks at her adoringly, and then he gives her the rose and its all over for her. Thats when shes like oh no… i love him.

19. How do they deal with being away from each other for a long time?

Its very hard for them, but they have to be apart so often now that theyre use to it. Ive mentioned this many a time but they both wear their wedding rings on their wardens oaths and it like their own little connection to eachother. They write letters constantly even if they arent able to send them they just save them up to send next time they can. Aila usually sends some kind of pressed flower or leaves and gives him a little information about what it represents and its uses, like :

“This is embrium also known as Salubrious Embrium, though im never going to bother remembering that. im sure you recognize it as we had to drudge through miles and miles of wilderness many times together. The smell of these little beauties apparently cured some Orlesian lords daughters illness. The healers must of felt right stupid. I hope you can still smell it as it is a lovely smell. I think of you too often, such a headache. Let me know what you think of these when you write back so I can add it to my notes. Love, your beautiful charming Wife.”

He honestly has a more difficult time than her, she misses him dearly but has always been more comfortable in solitude so its easier for her to distract herself. He saves all of her letters and rereads them often, always replying as soon as he possibly can. He tends to be occupied by worries of her safety, he knows she can take care of herself, he knows it well. BUT he also knows that she tends to put herself in danger OFTEN and sometimes his brain just becomes an anxious mess. His worries are always resolved with one of her letters telling him to “relax his pretty head” and that she will be safe for him.

#I FEEL LIKE I ALWAYS RIGHT TOO MUCH !!!! but i cant help it i love them #alistair #aila amell #ailistair #ask games #otp asks

[mammonprotectionsquad]

RIGHT??? like omggg... it was so weird. like have you even watched/played SF? Sally is like 5'3, no significant muscle (or... idk. for some reason the entire fandom, including myself, unanimously agreed that he has a stupidly strong grip but none of us provided a reason lmao), wears his hair in ponytails and literally was accidentally misgendered as a girl by a sweet old lady. Like this dude may be A Dude but he is not the pique of masculinity by any means (and im here for it)

srsly its like make up ur mind people... u gonna love them for who they are or not? 💀

also i know what u mean; getting a strong characterization in your own mind when there's so few fics already... T-T

slightly off topic, but this has made me think of something interesting. That with Vanderwood's minimal appearance, people who aren't paying enough attention or using their brain can get such an incorrect vision of him -- and even amongst those who think it through like you do, i imagine there's quite a lot of preference/opinion based conclusions (derived from what we are given canonically) that may differ from one person to the next. which is understandable. (but correct me if im wrong, you probably know better than i do hehe) and yet, something like Little Nightmares 2, where the most dialogue we ever get between Six and Mono is whisper-shouting "hey" and "oi" at each other, and yet there's a nigh-unanimous agreement on the basic personality types Six and Mono each have. there's so many good fics out there like that for LN2, and most of them at least have Mono speaking too, and i find little to no wildly different interpretations of how he would speak.

anyways, all that nerd rambling to say that i find the differences between the two semi-related circumstances interesting lol

...or my adhd brain made a connection where this isnt one sofskdhj

[417]

Okay but listen... I can get behind Sal having a strong grip. For some reason it makes sense xDD

I think in Vandy's case a lot of people stick to their first impression of him. Which is usually that he's a cold and grumpy asshole who constantly threatens Saeyoung. And ngl at guest I didn't know how to feel about him because I had the same impression. But then you get more and more crumbs thrown at you here and there. Where it then becomes very obvious that he's actually a pretty caring person in his own way. (and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to just tell him to leave with me during V's route xD)

But I feel like it also always heavily depends on the fandom or even the kind of lore you get especially in games. Tho often times canon and fanon portrayals couldn't be more different. And sure, you can add some things etc when you feel like it fits the character, even if it wasn't mentioned. But completely changing their entire personality? Brah... Then just write about one that is the way you want them to be 😂

Btw random and unrelated but I really love how we kinda have a main topic but also stray from it xDD 💕

#becky rambles #[417]

[silentmemories]

My heart is heavy. Its weighing me down. You’ve made everyone around you make me think im this cold hearted monster. You’ve won, you won this game. You broke me down, you’ve made me feel like i’m not enough, you’ve ruined my confidence, and why? Because you couldn’t admit 3 years ago that all you wanted was to be friends with benefits. No you couldn’t admit that because it killed you to see me with anyone else, but yet the whole time she was there sending you nudes, playing with her pussy on camera for you while you’re at work. I’m so happy that I fought my fucking ass off for us to workout just to find out that I wasn’t even an option in the long game. 

You’ll never be honest with me, but I have so many questions that weight so heavy on my heart and mind. Do you truly regret our relationship? Do you still love me and you are using this new girl as a rebound? Or did you never really truly love me, you just loved my body and loved having me as yours but continued to entertain these other hoes. I feel so stupid. I feel like the dumbest bitch on earth and I know that makes you feel so god damn proud. 

I’m losing my mind because you out of nowhere have a new girlfriend. How did this happen? How did you switch up so fast like that? You have sex with her once and you love her? Is it really true? Or are you playing her to make sure you still have that crutch while melissa is gone? 

I really want to pick your brain apart to know what the fuck is going on. But I can’t. You won’t let me ask you any simple question anymore without immediately attacking me saying some absurd comment that is just trying to pull me out of my character. And every time you tell me anything it feels like just another fabrication in your long list in order to make me feel better about whatever is going on. I wish you could be honest with me. I’ve been nothing but honest with you and thats why you are able to make me look like such a monster, because every mistake I made I owned up to and you used them against me.  Im losing my mind in the shadows of your lies. I just want truth and I know I will never get it and that eats away at me even more. I cannot wait to escape this suffocating relationship where I had no real freedom. I cannot wait to express myself in any way I want and not have someone tell me I’m cheating or lying whenever I try to. I cannot wait to be able to go out with friends and not have someone blowing up my phone calling me a whore because I’m not answering. I cannot wait to live near my family and be able to spend time with them and not have someone constantly texting me and then crying about how im ifnoring them and quesitoning how many of my “hoes” i got in contact with while I wasn’t answering. 

I wish i wouldn’t have been so dumb. I wish I would’ve stayed away from your fast ass when the first night you met me you grabbed my ass and kissed me in the parking lot of meijer after my 2nd shift at the westnedge store. As soon as you told me you lived with your “best friend” that you cheated on your ex wife with and had a baby with, I should’ve ran. When your divorce was finalized and you ran off and fucked around with one of your ex wifes best friends and brought home herpes & chlamydia for me, I should’ve ran. When i paid for an entire trip for us to celebrate my birthday, every cent came out of my pocket, you were exchanging naked pictures with your “best friend”, I should have fucking RAN. There were so many moments in between with the sneaky texts and the sneaky calls and the way you would speak to me, the way you and her interact with each other (wildly inappropriate), even after seeing what she had as her phone contact photo for you. I stayed, and yet I am still coming out as the monster. I am baffled and amazed at the way your brain has twisted this. I don’t know if it was your upbringing or if Vicci truly fucked you up, but you need some god damn help or you’re going to end up hurting yourself or someone else. 

I’m just hurt... I don’t know what to do or say anymore. 

[voljenimedved]

I dont remember turning into the person I am right now. I opened my Spotify profile and marvelled at how little new music I had discovered over the past months (months?

no, not just months, its been almost a full year now, how could it have been that long already?), wasnt listening to new music my thing, a thing I made a point out of keeping precise track of, so where did that me go- riddled with headaches, riddled with mental battles and new intestinal issues, with my knees worsening and my hands constantly pulsating with pain- my entire body is decaying, and I dont remember how that happened.

I remember a few events, a very few, they make me shake and feel physically ill, but nothing in between. I wonder at how my mind has tried to keep me safe and only retained vague shapes. For eight months, I had lived in a limbo of hurt and fear and illness and I had no idea. One day, I chose to confront one of the demons, the one I had almost thrown up for in response to any thought of it, and I didnt die. I lived I was shaken, but I carried on- I woke up- I woke up from my eight months coma and realized where I am and who I am and actually there was nothing left of me

and I had to start over. There was nothing left of me, the last demon being the biggest to bring me down, the last coffin in the nail at the end of a two year long trial, and now I had to reinvent myself. I couldnt stand my new favorites now and I hated my clothes and I despised my favorite songs and I resented Berlin and I couldnt think of my surrounding town and I cursed my programs and I grew to dislike alcohol even more and I was unable to play games I had enjoyed and I shudder at musicals I liked and I detest my memory, the cursed knowledge that I had to live with, knowing I was

stained and ugly and disgusting now

and others were able to carry on and live their lives as if nothing happened, some even laughing at me, gossiping, where was that fair, I had nothing anymore, I lost my personality, my friends, my partner, my memories

and I grieved, I grieved for the opportunities lost, for the relationships lost, and for myself. For something supposedly natural, changing feels more unnatural than anything else- I didnt want to change. I long for times where my brain wasnt rotting away from stress; where my everyday wasnt ruined by delusional anxiety; where I hadnt been touched and stained; where I hadnt spent money, where I hadnt sent that message, where I hadnt rekindled that old flame where I hadnt made myself vulnerable where I didnt question it where I didnt rely on you where I didnt touch you where I didnt say yes to you where I didnt hang out the entire night with you where I hadnt cried to my mother at night admitting it to her where I hadnt known a virus was on its way to change everything where I hadnt known I was riddled with phobias where I didnt

know

But I know. I know, I have experienced all of it, and now have to live with all of it. And so I have spent the past few months rebuilding myself.

Day by day, bit by bit,

I am reimagining myself. Proving to people how I am able to survive without most of them knowing. Every single day is a battle and- when I cry this much about ordinary days, I remember days from the past two years, they flash by me- scenes in which I would spend hours straight in my bed, sobbing, every single day for several weeks, unable to sleep at night- when I would scream in anguish over being left alone and my parents would hurry into my room- when I almost puked from anxiety every single day and called the police out of fear and sobbed into my mothers chest- the summer where I found out she cheated on my father and fell to the floor, heaving, hyperventilating, because I was convinced she didnt love me anymore-

all that inevitably led to me dying, and now I am different.

How far can I push myself while still being me and not lying to others?

Im not ready to live my life. I am unable to stand or walk for long, unable to go a day without genuinely believing I am dying, unable to take care of myself, unable to express myself, unable to live healthily- how do others do it? At only 18 years old, am I really this abnormally affected, or am I just

the abnormally sad odd one out?

I still miss all of them. I hope, one day, I wont. I hope, one day, I wont long again for the words and touch of people that stuck knives into me, poked at me, prodded my brain until I was nothing but a wet, shaking little clump of blood, flesh, bones and cells, thrown into the world like a newborn at 18. I hope I will find myself and outgrow all of them.

#vent #poetry #writers on tumblr #writeblr #about losing yourself to trauma #and having to learn to stand again #and also disability

[ot3]

various aa thoughts from various conversations today.

#ace attorney #shockingly low amount of jokes and high amounts of taking characters seriously in this batch #i've said 'i literally think about this all the time' about three separate things here #but like im not even lying my brain is just constantly thinking about these games for some reason. #i mean i know what the reasons are its because im going through it. but still ! #aai2 spoilers #long post #when is it not a long post ?

[katyasrussianaccent]

i don't wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips (corpse x reader)

Summary: Corpse suggests you flirt with each other to mess with the fans. What happens when you suddenly catch feelings?

Authors Note: This has been in my brain for so long so I decided to write it. May or may not write a part 2, im not sure. Lemme know what you think! My requests are open for fic/headcannons aswell 💖

It should have been simple.

Flirt, mess with the fans a little, sit back and relax.

It should have been simple.

You remember Corpse coming to you with the idea.

“Why would we do that?” you had asked, frowning at your phone screen. It had been another late night phone conversation with him; something that was starting to become a regular occurrence.

You pictured him shrug as he answered. “Fun?”

“Are you so bored you wanna make a fake relationship with me?”

“Not a relationship. Just do what we do now, but like, more.”

You had agreed before your brain had even registered it. On paper it was straightforward. You already flirted a little anyway, you were naturally a flirtatious person, and so was he. It made sense; or at least you had told yourself that it did. You knew the fans already shipped you together, you saw the things they tweeted as you occasionally lurked the ynhusband tag on Twitter. It was just innocent fun right? No-one was going to get hurt.

For a little while that was true. For a little while he called you baby and you called him darling and it meant nothing. Your face didn’t feel flush when he commented on your latest Instagram post and your heart didn’t do a little flip when he would call you just to see how you were. The phone conversations were your favourite; curled up in bed with the phone on your pillow, trading secrets into the night. He had suddenly become this constant in your life, this almost routine familiarity like brushing your teeth or going to get milk.

You weren’t sure what changed, when it had gone from being innocent fun to meaning something. It was like someone had flicked a switch, and Corpse was no longer a warm glow but this bright, blinding light that hurt your eyes to look at too long. It was almost cruel, the way you wanted something so unobtainable; the universe’s idea of a joke had no humour in it. The thing with Corpse was he was so unaware of the power he had. He was mysterious yes, but he was faceless among a sea of faces; of course people were drawn to him. And you were just another.

You started to pull away. You played different games with different people, you ignored his tweets. It was easier, if you never interacted with him, you could pretend there was nothing but shallow feelings instead of the crashing waves that threatened to pull you under. The fans had started to notice; your streams were filled with questions that you refused to answer.

“Where’s Corpse?” you read aloud as you scrolled down the chat. “Probably in his house? Go ask him.” Your tone was bitter even to you and you inwardly cringed. He hadn’t contacted you in 2 weeks, and while you were thankful, you were hurt by it. It was stupid and hypoctritical of you to be upset by something that was your own doing, and you weren’t sure what you had expected from him. He had other friends, other people to talk to, why would he have cared about you anyway?

Your phone lit up next to you, and you ignored the pang of disappointment at Rae’s picture flashing up.

Rae: Among Us???

You hesitated for a second. The likelihood of Corpse being there was high, but you knew deep down he wouldn’t say a thing to you, not on stream or in front of your friends. You could just ignore him, like you had been doing and it would be fine. You weren’t sure you believed yourself anymore.

“Guys, you want to watch me play Among Us? I’m not sure who’s playing, other than Rae.” You looked at the fast flowing stream of affirmatives and emojis. Guess you had to do it now. You opened up the game and joined the lobby.

“-yeah she looks really fucking cute,” you heard Corpse say as you logged in. You looked down at your outfit,; he definitely wasn’t talking about you in your oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. You had been on stream for a few hours now; your eyeliner was smudged a little and any lipstick had worn off with the constant drinking and licking your lips. No, he definitely wasn’t talking about you.

“Hey guys,” you said tentatively, swallowing down the feeling of jealousy at Corpse’s previous words.

A chorus of greetings hit you, and you smiled at their enthusiasm. You had played with Rae, Sykunno and Toast a few times before, but Felix, Jack and Ash were new to you, though you knew of them.

“Hey Y/N,” Corpse said. You had hoped after 2 weeks he wouldn’t still affect you so much, but the way your stomach turned said otherwise.

“Hey Corpse,” you replied, hoping your tone was casual.

“I haven’t seen you in a while, how are you?” he asked.

“Oh. Uh yeah, I’ve been a bit busy I guess, how are you?” You looked down as you answered, picking at your nail polish. You glanced at the chat that was filled with messages.

corpsesbaby: You can always tell when someones lying coz they look down” llamadelrey: why is this so awkward lmao arent they friends??” simpsforrae: This is like is a breakup i swear

“I’ve been okay, thanks” Corpse answered, drawing your eyes off the chat and back to the game. You nodded as you muted your mic to go back to your stream.

“I hope I don’t get imposter, I always suck at that so much.” You watched as the screen counted down and the word IMPOSTER flashed up alongside Corpse’s name. “Guess I jinxed it guys.”

Great. Not only were you imposter, you were imposter with Corpse, which meant you would have to actually speak to him. Maybe you wouldn’t have to.

You both followed Rae as she walked up towards Greenhouse, and you cornered her while she did her task, killing her quickly.

“Everyone seemed to go right, so we should vent back towards cafeteria to avoid suspicion,” Corpse said.

“Okay,” you answered. You vented together, and you muted your mic to laugh. “This is kinda cosy guys.” You said to your chat. You briefly imagined what it would be like in real life to be so close to him.

You moved to Admin where Toast was doing his task. Before you could say a word, Corpse had already killed him and you both vented outside Cafeteria. “Fuck, that was so close,” you muttered, chuckling a little.

“Don’t worry, I got your back,” he replied, making your heart sing a little.

“Oh my hero,” you said, making a point of swooning to your chat, your voice high and airy. “How will I ever repay you?”

He chuckled, “You shouldn’t ask questions like that.”

You flushed at the suggestive tone he had taken, and you hoped it wasn’t noticeable but judging by the comments in your chat, it clearly had been. This was another issue you had with Corpse; he always made these type of comments with you and it was really annoying. You knew there was no chance he was being serious, and sometimes you wished he would stop it purely because it got your hopes up.

delilah: shes BLUSHING dreamofme: uWu yn uWu

You opened your mouth to respond when Dead Body Reported flashed up, bringing your thoughts back to the game.

“Toast and Rae are dead,” Sykuuno said. “I found Rae in Greenhouse and Toast in admin.”

“I was in balcony, I went there from the cafeteria,” you said confidently. You hated being Imposter, especially being teamed with Corpse, who was so good at the game, you had a lot of pressure to do well.

“I was in MedBay, I didn’t see you YN,” Ash accused.

“You only see if they enter through the left door. She entered through the other door,” Corpse answered for you.

“And how do you know that?” Felix asked.

“I was in Cafeteria,” Corpse replied.

“You could’ve vented YN,” Jack said.

“No I couldn’t have, if Ash was in MedBay, she would have seen me. Unless she wasn’t in MedBay,” you suggested, smirking to your cam as you muted. “It’s not going too bad I don’t think? Always feel like I’ve been arrested when I’m Imposter.”

“Little sus of you Ash to say you were in MedBay when you weren’t,” Corpse said. You gaped a little at how easy it was for him to manipulate the situation, it was almost scary.

Ash argued as the other players began to agree and discuss among themselves. You smiled in success at the text on the screen.

Ash has been ejected.

You split up this time, and while you hadn’t really spoken during the game, you kind of missed Corpse’s astronaut next to yours, and you said that to your chat. “Haha, our colours did look cute together, I agree.”

Any previous trepidation you had had disappeared as soon as you had heard his voice; and you realised how much you had missed him. You would simply just need to deal with your feelings; they would go away eventually anyway. You just hoped it wasn’t too late for you to start again with him.

You walked to MedBay with Skyunno, making small talk as you did.

“I’m glad to see you playing with us, it’s been a little while,” he said and you felt bad that you would have to kill him. As you turned towards him, ready to kill as he did his task, Jack walked in. You mouthed oops at the cam.

“What’s going on here?” Jack asked, suspicion in his voice.

“I was just saying how nice it was to have YN here,” Sykunno replied. You stood and faked your task, watching the green bar fill as you did. It would be too risky to kill here.

“Ah yeah, Corpse has been asking after you constantly,” Jack said. You blinked at the response, it had caught you off guard.

“Oh?” you replied simply. You mentally shrugged it off. Of course he would have asked about you, you were friends, that was all.

DEAD BODY REPORTED

“Felix was dead in Reactor,” Corpse announced. “Oh Corpse, you’re taking a risk here” you said to your chat.

“I was in MedBay with Jack and Sykunno,” you replied, smiling as they agreed. “Where were you Ash?”

She sighed sadly. “I was in Labs, but I was doing a task, I swear!” You all agreed quickly that Ash would be the next voted out.

“2 to go,” you said triumphantly. “I thought I was gonna drag Corpse down, but it’s going okay!”

The round started again and you could feel yourself getting tired. Hopefully this wouldn’t be too much longer to finish the game.

You circled round Corpse a few times, hoping that he would understand your signal. Luckily he did, and you both vented to Decontamination where Skyunno and Jack were. The room had already started to emit steam, making it extremely easy for you both to vent unnoticed and kill them both.

You grinned at the Victory message that flashed up.

“Good game guys!” you said. The others congratulated you and Corpse on your win and you smiled at the sound of your names together. You had it bad.

“It was all YN,” Corpse said.

“Pfft you ssh being humble, it was all you,” you replied, taking your hair out of your ponytail and running your hand through it.

“Your hair looks nice,” Corpse commented and your eyes widened. Your heart started to beat a little quicker. How long had he been watching your stream?

“It’s bad to watch someone’s stream without telling them,” you replied, making a show of pouting for the camera.

He laughed a little. “What can I say, I’m a bad guy,” he said, singing the last words. You laughed at the sudden Billie Eilish.

“Guys, either play another game, or get a room,” Felix interrupted. You blushed a little and rolled your eyes, the chat going crazy from the corner of your eye.

“And that’s my cue to exit,” you said, yawning. “Bye guys, have a good night!” You wished everyone and your chat goodnight before closing the stream and leaning back in your chat. You couldn’t believe Corpse had been watching you. You hadn’t said anything too incriminating, but still.

You prepared for bed, settling back into the softness of your pillows as you grabbed your phone - a terrible habit you really needed to stop.

Corpse: Can I call you?

You gulped at the message that appeared on your screen, a gnawing feeling of nervous clung to your throat as you typed yes. His name came up almost instantaneously and your hand shook as you pressed to accept the call.

“Hey,” he greeted.

“Hey, what’s up?” you asked, trying to keep your voice even while your heart beat erratically in your chest.

“It was nice playing with you again,” he commented.

You sat up a little as you held the phone against your ear. “Did you call me to tell me that?”

“I haven’t spoken to you in a while.”

You sighed a little. “Yeah, I’ve been a bit busy, sorry - “

“You’re lying to me and I don’t know why,” he replied. You had never heard his voice like that before; so angry and hurt. You tapped your foot against your mattress as you thought what to say.

“I -”

“Did I do something?” he asked. You had been so selfish; blocking him out to avoid being hurt, but you hadn’t thought about his feelings. He was more popular than you were, you had assumed he would be fine, that he wouldn’t care if you were around or not.

“No, you didn’t do anything, I swear -”

“Then what? Because I thought we were friends, close friends and then suddenly you pretty much disappear. But you’re still streaming with other people. It’s pretty shitty of you.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek and looked up, the sting of tears threatening to fall. “It was really shitty of me, I’m sorry.”

“What happened?” he asked. “Please just tell me.”

“I don’t know what I’m meant to say,” you replied softly.

“What do you want to say?”

You blinked, the anticipation of unspoken words caught in your throat, making it hard to swallow. The taste of them was bitter on your tongue. “I...I have feelings for you.”

There. You had said it. There was no taking it back now, and you felt like your heart was about to shatter with every single second of silence that passed. You could hear him swallow on the other end of the phone. “Are you saying you’re in love with me?”

You bit your lip, taking in the meaning of the question he had asked. It wasn’t something you had thought of, you hadn’t conceptualised your feelings for him, not put them in a box labelled love or anything. “I don’t know. I feel something for you. And it kinda sucks being your friend and having those feelings. So I pulled away.”

“Why does it suck?”

You laughed bitterly. “Why wouldn’t it? Feeling something for someone that doesn’t feel the same is fucking shitty.”

“I asked you to flirt with me YN -”

“Yeah, for fun,” you interrupted.

“No, I said for fun, but really I just wanted you to,” he replied. “I feel something for you too. How could I not? Has anything I’ve ever said to you sounded like it was just for fun?” You smiled at his response, your heart no longer on the fit of breaking, but suddenly doing flips and soaring through your chest, radiating warmth through your body.

“Oh,” you said, your brain was overloaded with thoughts, and was apparently no longer capable of coherent sentences.

“Oh? That’s a great response, thanks,” he teased, but you could tell he was smiling as he spoke.

“I wasn’t expecting you to say that, I don’t really know what to say honestly,” you replied.

“Well, baby, how about you say yes to a date?” he asked.

“Yes.”

#my fic #corpse husband #corpse husband x reader #corpse fic #corpse fanfiction #corpse husband fic #corpse fanfic #corpse imagine #corpse x you #corpse x fem reader #corpse x yn #corpse x reader

[darlingpwease]

ahh!!! you are right.... honestly, the more dom the man looks the more likely he is to be the most submissive slave / brat for you. either way; every fictional man is to be a sub. i forget myself (-0-メ) /j

and ahjdnwnd yuuta is.... large. my boye is 180cm! i am shorter than him by a good 10 cm, there isn't much i can do =͟͟͞͞( •̀д•́))) but a forced size kink? perhaps? make him kneel before you, those large hands of his resting all trembling and unsure on your knees on what to do to please you as large blots of tears dangle off his lashes-- all the more when you tug his hair to make him look you in the eye, so small and pathetic. right then, it's almost inevitable he'll start to whimper from both pain and pleasure; what a great lure to mess his face up with even more than his tears <3 <3

and strength imbalance kink?? he's the high up in the power ranks; how could he be forced into submission so easily, like as if he couldn't simply overpower you? but god, id be lying if i said his faux struggle wasn't kind of hot, yannow? (⭒ ์ ⲳ ์ )

it's quite unlikely you're genuinely stronger than he-- so really, all his mindless devotion to you is just a byproduct of his affection towards you. and his inherent shyness, he's so anxious in effort to make you happy with him, he's just free game for you <333

also? you were so right for that breeding thing. why is your brain so big, love???

i definitely think he'd be the type to blabber the dirtiest shit with the most debauched expression ever when you vociferously fill him up-- and still be unable to even daaare to utter..... sex when he tries to communicate what he wants when he's needy

and honestly?? i think having the amalgamation of your.... best friend, or whatever is left of her, constantly linger around you and forcibly make you self isolate would make you varying degrees of needy. i mean it in an every day mandatory thing; you miss one day and he's already getting far too frustrated-- but i think his life hasn't really built him up to try and even communicate his pathetic desires with you, so he tries to let you know in petty and.... perverted manners.

your stash of underwear suddenly dwindles after you miss a day of satiating him and the next it returns, all too wet and reminiscent of baby boy yuuta's scent-- because he totes wasn't using it to jack off in place of you and trying to notify you before he dies of embarrassment. risque pictures of him? definitely start to pile up recently in your gallery, you start feeling a presence eyeing you when you bath, and the next time you see your pretty boy he starts flaming up when you speak to him and remotely touch him-- has him rubbing his thighs again in an attempt to attract your attention, before he makes a desperate fool out of himself infront of everyone for you.

it's just the terms and conditions from having a clingy and devoting partner, 'kay? he's selfless, but he's also a little obsessive. maybe a tad bit too much. it's okay, you can take out your frustration on him to ease his own!!!!!! <3

i said breeding and proceeded to talk jackshit about it. i giggle as i verbally vomit in your inbox, im not sorry <3

anyways, don't dare to look me in the eye if you don't think he rambles on about how he's sorry and how much he loves you when you finally stuff him in to the brim. a back-clawer too; he's no longer your dog boy, just your loud kitty boy </3

big brain big brain big brain!!! huuuge!!!!! <33333

ahh!!! you are right.... honestly, the more dom the man looks the more likely he is to be the most submissive slave / brat for you. either way; every fictional man is to be a sub. i forget myself (-0-メ) /j

I am glad that your heart is not blinded by heretical words! sometimes you may feel lost, but as long as you remember The First Commandment About Fictional Man, you will not go astray, my love <3 /hj

my dear, the most important thing in these kinks is not reality, but attitude. even if you are 150 centimeters, make the puppy kneel while you are sitting — or standing. you don't have to be strong; after all, you can make him feel 'smaller' by squeezing his cheeks and making him cry a little when you coo how he looking up at you <3

even if he was three times bigger, yuuta would be as pathetic and helpless as a toy in your hands. he will not even think that has at least some power when you continue to tease him — look at him, he is so fragile and allows you to manipulate his feeling and consciousness so easily, knowing that you will not harm him, but you want to do the best you can; this is what you have power, not him <33

good dogboys behave obediently and submissively, accepting everything that is given to them, and he longs to be good for you, even if he does not know at all what he can do other than let you do everything for him <333

it's a separate kind of fun when a stronger sub lets you beat them, even if it's just a silly game and you both know they can easily get out — but they're not, giving you every opportunity to win this 'fight' <3 just press his face to the pillow while biting-kissing his neck, squeezing his hands; even if you are just a person, without any features and powers, this does not mean that you will not be able to... 'assert your dominance'.

if he looks like that, even being much stronger than you, then it's definitely not you who should be worried about it <333

"mindless devotion" ahhhh my brilliant I like the way you call it because it is <3

but goes so well with these low-key obsessive traits,,, I'm glad you were the first to talk about it, because I wasn't sure how comfortable it was for you, but- yuuta would so easily become clingy and dependent. I'm willing to bet that he is so hungry for attention and affection that when you become a couple, he can't help but want to be with you all the time, even if he has no experience and is still too shy, believing that he is imposing </3

yes, of course, you can spend time apart from him, he understands — and then looks at you like a puppy whose owner kicked out on the street;;; but he can't just come up and say he's lonely, because you asked him for space;;;; he's not acting too desperate, is he?.. such thoughts disappear as soon as you come back to him, because yuuta becomes too absorbed in your presence </3

in fact, you are dating two people: yuuta in bed and yuuta out

yessir,,,,, It's definitely him,,,,,,,

yuuta can say such dirty and desperate things when you breed him, forcing to accept you completely, when his legs try to wrap around your hips — but the next day he can't say anything but “mlem” not only because he still needs time to recover, but also because he doesn't know how to tell you about it,,,, usually it's you who initiates the beginning, and it's so embarrassing for him to somehow let you know what he needs, and at the same time not start blushing and stuttering desperately, which is why he just throws this idea.

but yuuta needs to make you understand <3

surely he has already planned all his actions, making guesses what exactly might prompt you to a common thought and further action, where he will only need to agree,,,,,

ajsghsgshsgs he makes everything so explicit and implicit at the same time — you know exactly why your underwear looks like this, but you can't immediately teasingly accuse him, since apart from guesses, you didn't have any evidence, and you both know it,

although if you do tell him about it, he definitely won't deny too much <3

but his body feels so strange when you don't touch it for a long time, and yuuta knows what it's connected with, because jerking off doesn't help at all, he's already used to you and to your touches; he becomes so restless and desperate when you pretend not to understand anything — how quickly he will make do you understand that he is on the verge by pressing your hand to his boner? at what point he asks you to go with him to the side, he needs to tell you something personal?

maybe he looks stupid- and his face is so wet and rosy- because he feels so shamelessly stupid that right now he wants to fall into the ground or hide under a blanket from the outside world- but he can't even budge from being torn between "running away and pretending like nothing happened" or trying to explain to you what he needs </333

pretty boy, too precious for this world,,,,, as long as you are close to him and want him, everything is fine! even if he's so desperate and clingy sometimes, you can always tell him he's pathetic while you fill him up, making him whine while his cute little cock twitches for lack of touch <33

he cries a little, but that's good too, it's just too good, he can't help but cry, and, of course, you understand him, keep fucking him senseless — he looks so adorable, with a wet face full of pleasure, while talking dirty about how amazing it feels, you're so deep.

maybe yuuta needs more attention, — a lot of attention, — but at least you know that it comes from his desperate desire to stay with you forever when he whispers words of love to you while you hug him tightly. he just wants you to be together and never break up, is it really that much?

it's definitely not. of course, he gives everything to you, everything for you, but he can also afford to be selfish, right? it's been so long since he felt so loved and needed, doesn't he deserve to feel like this always? he doesn't need so much, right — just for you to be next to him and always squeeze his hand like that.

he adores you so much <3

i said breeding and proceeded to talk jackshit about it. i giggle as i verbally vomit in your inbox, im not sorry <3

my love, I'm squeamish*- but I'll let you do whatever you want, just because I have a huge soft spot for you and I love you and your diamond brain too much </333

you can do whatever you want <3

* if it's not piss kink of course shdgsjdh giyuu my beloved

anyways, don't dare to look me in the eye if you don't think he rambles on about how he's sorry and how much he loves you when you finally stuff him in to the brim. a back-clawer too; he's no longer your dog boy, just your loud kitty boy </3

my dear do I understand correctly that you are suggesting that I stare into your pretty eyes---

ahshsjshs yuuta doesn't even really realize what he's saying when he's so excited,,,,, apologies, words of love, sobs about how good it feels — he's so loud when he feels good that you may have to silence him <3

he wants to sound like that, but just can't shut up <33 but when he tries to be quieter and you get even rougher, forcing him to give up and whimper about how deep and hot you are <333

he's so breedable gosh I- </333 mild mind break please,,,,, when yuuta is so overwhelmed that he doesn't understand anything except that he needs even more, drooling and trembling in your hands, but convincing you that he needs more- anything- just don't stop </333

your back is just destroyed the next day because he forgot himself — but I'm sure he won't have any difficulty helping you with it, so you can repeat it that night <3

#.spicy♡ #❖.my jewelry #🥮 — jujutsu kaisen

[furiosity-wills-the-cat]

Chara, the fourth Blook cousin:

A crack theory that accidentally become way more serious than it should have because it somehow, despite my best efforts, ended up making sense

Brought to you by my idiot conspiracy brain (affectionate) and by encouragement from my Tumblr followers

Under the cut for the sake of your dashes and sanity

Ok here we go my very elaborate accidental theory, because in order to answer the complex questions simply you must first make simple things more complex or something

First, you need to know that Chara became a Blook cousin by adoption.

All of the Blooks are adopted.

Ghosts are not born into families, they make their own.

Got it? Great, because we’re about to start running

so first, im gonna make surprisingly uncommon claim in this fandom, and I am going to say that undertale ghosts are all dead

I’m taking the tiny details we know about ghosts and sprinting with them to new places

Ghosts also do not have souls I decided

Undertale souls do not work the same as souls in traditional mythology

So every ghost is soulless Unless and Until they become corporeal

Evidence: Monster souls cant exist without bodies, and ghosts are monsters, therefore ghosts cannot have souls without bodies

Further evidence: Asriel doesnt steal blooky’s soul, blooky is unkillable, we have no concrete evidence that blooky has a soul

What about mettaton? He only has a soul after he has completely committed to being corporeal and to a specific body.

Also maddy and mettaton are both only killable while corporeal

Im also connecting the dots we have about souls in a new creative way so let me live for a second

Additionally, i am going to claim that there are a lot more ghosts than just the blooks, some evidence given below

Theres like actual scientific knowlege of ghosts in the undertale verse which seems unlikely if theres literally only three or four

The underground is so much bigger than you think, theres that giant forest in snowdin, a large town in the ruins, the huge city of new home, who knows how much space in the large open areas of waterfall etc. Its really really big okay

Also based off evidence of blooky, we can conclude that ghosts can turn invisible whenever they want to and/or haunt objects to hide

So I personally think that ghosts are, generally speaking, extremely reclusive

And the blooks are just a special exception, a beautiful family, amazing for them

So anyway im going with typical ghost lore for now, for the sake of ease, so im gonna say ghosts generally come from monsters who are particularly restless or unsatisfied when they die

HOWEVER i dont think they remember being monsters or anything before being a ghost. They just kinda fizzle into existance with a fully formed personality and immortality while being unkillable and feeling vaguely uneasy

ALSO i personally think that chara was a ghost for a long time before they became a blook by adoption

Based on game lore, i think ghosts can possess any inanimate object and just kinda wear it? But it takes a lot of strong emotion to become corporeal

And chara is the super weird exception because they were a human not a monster.

They dont have a soul (i headcanon that their soul got destroyed when asriel died)

And they KNOW this, which is a huge part of why they kinda just... give up

Because they lost their ability to fulfill prophecy

Also, without a soul, they lost their ability to reset, so for the first time since falling underground, theyre subject to the relentless march of time

But theyre still weirdly strong and powerful and more emotional

ALSO they DO still remember being a human but they catch on pretty quickly that other ghosts dont have memories and because chara is stupid they just lie to fit in

Theyre too tired to explain themself, they just want to be alone and feel awful

Now back to ghost lore

Emotions are a lot harder for ghosts??? I decided

And they dont know why,, they tend to blame it on the soul thing

But realistically its actually more of the immortality thing making actions not have consequences and/or or not having a body so they cant have a sense of touch or have physical effects of emotion

They all know that ghosts just tend to be way more floaty and bored and numb

And thats part of why the blooks are so special

Maddy’s rage and Mettaton’s yearning and Napstablook’s misery are like... not great all of the time...

but theyre also way way more emotion than most ghosts have,,, they are just a family supporting each other, being as functional as they can,, just an emo(tional) ghost family

most ghosts barely do anything except like stare at walls but the blooks have their snail farm and that helps them have purpose and it is good

And they hold each other accountable and it is nice

So anyway chara just chills and is in a depression coma for a few decades before the blooks find them and are like “our child/baby cousin”

and they raise them for a cool minute

They are all very protective of the new baby emo blook

And chara doesnt get therapy but at the very least they once again have a family, and they decide they want to try to become corporeal eventually just like mtt and maddy

So anyway chara starts hanging out in the ruins a lot more and they finally tell the blooks theyre leaving to go become corporeal in the ruins

This is actually because they are trying to hang out with toriel

because they miss their mom ;;

but chara’s not gonna admit that to anyone, especially not to themself

And because theyre still repressing their emotions constantly and pretending to be fine, they cant become corporeal

And they hang out in the ruins for a long time because they feel guilty lying to everyone about everything

They still feel like its their fault that all the monsters are stuck underground, because they were SUPPOSED to save everyone and they COULDNT and it HURTS

But again, they are doing too much repression to use this guilt to become corporeal,

so instead they just kinda hide and watch toriel from a distance and cry

Blooky visits them the most, thats why blooky is chilling in the ruins so much at the start of the game

Theyre just there to visit their shy baby cousin ;;

Ofc they wont tell frisk about this because chara wants space and privacy and blooky respects that

but maddy and mtt also visit them a lot

Oh also when mtt and maddy start dissapearing, blookys mental health plummets as their family and support system starts to dissolve

Blooky was actually doing extremely well (for a ghost) for a long time, i headcanon,

but theyre doing the worst theyve been in a long long time during the game, because of family issues

So anyway, chara dissapears when frisk shows up, and maddy assumes this is becaude frisk hurt their fragile feelings

Maddy spends hours desperately searching the ruins for chara and cant find them and assumes that they had their heart crushed and went to hide and disappear in a depression coma for another few decades, and thats part of why maddy is so furious with frisk

Like,, to be clear, maddy is still jumping to conclusions and throwing blame around with no proof, but also, its a logical conclusion to come to

And mettaton has already disappeared too and been gone for a while, too, by this point, so it hurts even worse

But anyway, what actually happened to chara is that;

Because chara is a human ghost, not a monster ghost, normal ghost rules dont apply to them

And they can possess living things too they find out

Maybe they knew it a long time ago, maybe its a new discovery, but for whatever reason they end up possessing frisk and theyre like “what the heck”

And frisk still has most of the control

But now chara is like,,, “this is my chance, im a human again, gotta save the world for real,,,”

and they cant explain this to anyone without revealing their past

so they just chill in frisk’s mind while being super crypic and trying to figure out how it works

Pacifist route, this is pretty much exactly what happens

They manage to help frisk save the day

And in my headcanon, the no mercy route is started by frisk who is scared when faced by monsters attacking them

And then chara, who was aready hiding in a semidepression coma for a while, immediately transitions to a panicked “gotta protect this body, gotta protect my chance to be human, i died and threw away my chance to save everyone the first time, i CANNOT lose this chance again”

And so the combination of both frisk and chara is the genocide run

Because frisk kills in self defense, and whenever frisk hesitates, chara jumps in

Also theres leftover feelings from the whole asriel incident

Because again, ghosts come from monsters who died unsatisfied

And chara’s main source of unsatisfaction is how they were trying to get asriel to kill people before he died and then he didnt

So thats a strong strong feeling ruling them

So anyway by the time they both realize how bad its become they figure its too late and also the amount of LOVE has made them numb

And thats when chara who, despite everything, still has idiot hero complex and thinks they need to save the world

So, while panicking, they step in at the very end, and erase the timeline and delete everything

And also to clarify

They DONT HAVE this power at any other point in the game

Because, guess why

They become corporeal

Just like maddy, the no mercy route is the only thing that gives them strong enough emotion to spontaneously become corporeal

So they become corporeal and as soon as they have a soul again and can reset again, they just erase everything

Ok back to fluff

Post pacifist route, they are still a non corporeal ghost

They can still float around and look just like the other blooks

And it takes them a while to open up about things, but they do end up moving back in with blooky so that blooky isnt completely alone

And also they do way better with a family

Also they can float through the mountain and talk to flowey down below and bring him news

And now that they know about him, they can bond with him and explain that they dont have a soul either but that doesnt mean theyre worthless

Oh ALSO

The other dead humans dont have ghosts

BECAUSE

ghosts only come from restless dead MONSTERS

and chara is the weird special exception

Because they were a monster when they died

They became a ghost and asriel didnt because they were way more restless and stressed than asriel was when both of them died

Like sure, asriel felt awful, but chara was the one who was way more like “this is my fault, i CANT die now, the world NEEDS me”

So anyway

charablook the emo tween ghost and asriel flowey the eldrich goat daisy are siblings once more and they hang out and eventually they are okay and have a family again

Thank you for reading, this has been my thoughts on a crack theory that accidentally went too far

This isnt even everything, maybe i’ll make a part two eventually, but i promised to have this post out like two days ago, so i wanted to post SOMTHING

Anyway leave your thoughts if youd like

Im not looking for people to disprove it, i already know its crazy, i dont think it was intentional by the game writers, but i do think its a fun concept

thats the fun of it, so if anyone wants to run with it im all for it lol

Thanks again! Have a nice day!

#no mercy #as a warning tag #chara undertale #napstablook undertale #fic tag #meta #analysis #crack theroy #undertale #i didnt edit this very much #so if there are any major typos or parts that didnt make sense #or were illegible #feel free to let me know so i can clarify

[ratsoh-writes]

For the matchups! Adding in a cut since it's so long :// (ignore my shitty spelling it's been a long day :((

I'm an neurodivergent introvert, and most people see me as an badass for some reason??? anyway. - i'm a huge science nerd and WILL infodrop when something just slightly get's my attention. - I'm very analytical and tend to just stand by on the sidelines rather than be the center of attention. I have moderate OCD as well as ADD and there's a procedure to the things I do that most people don't understand. -Once you get to know me however, im' very sarcastic and just a generally chill kind of person. (i Have gotten into many arguments with my friends over small topic but hey that's not related right heheh) As for my hobbies: I LOVE to draw/ animate and i'm working it :)) -I like to play video game in my free time, and if I have a lot of free time, well, hyperfixations on games is what I do best.

-I LOVE to listen to music, and when I need a break from the work i just, slip on a pair of headphones and jsut, disconnect from reality. -I own a lot of fidget toys, but i'm not really that animated. I just need things for my hands to do while sitting doing nothing. -I dislike anything regarding furries. I just don't get what people like about them. -I'm not a huge ticktoc fan either, or really any social media platform that has a lot of drama. (Instagram, ticktoc, twitter, those ones) I get startled by loud (unexpected) noises easily, but am a GOD at scaring the living shits out of people. -I DESPISE loud crunching noises because of my OCD, as well as people who are dicks and assholes to everybody, or targeting a specific group of people. Assholes I can handle, but jerks I draw the line at. -Deal breakers in a relationship, well, as long as i'm not being used as a tool, or people aren't lying straight to my face, i'm all good. (also no nitpicking i'm sorry but I hate it when people do that) - not really attracted to any specific's, not picky in any way - I'm good at analyzing situations mentally, but sometimes I just don't know what to say -I have absolutely NO filter on my brain either so some things get said that I didn't mean to say and things happen because of it. I have no control over this.

- I'm decent at navigating the internet, and have seen some things (thanks Wattpad for that Jesus x Shrek fic) - I can be a major asshole, weather just fooling around or on a bad day, most cases though, i'm just fooling around - On bad days I tend to snap at anything and anyone, so it's best to just leave me be - I have VERY loud and extroverted friends, and it's EXHAUSTING so I can go into an introverts burnout and jsut, lie on the floor - When in an hyperfixation, or just doing something for a long time, I forget to feed myself, drink water, or just forget i'm even ALIVE. Because of this, I can go into MAJOR burnout and have all mental functions just leave. - I have insomnia too, and sometime I don't fall asleep until past midnight, but when I do fall asleep, i'm out like a rock and have been known to mutter in my sleep. literally NOTHING can wake me up when i'm out. -My brain is constantly moving/ working, even if I don't say it, but I have thousands and thousands of headcannons moving through as well as au's for a few fandoms of mine. - I also bottle up my emotions (hey gang where u at :))) and that can also lead me to burnout as well. - all in all I think that's it have a dancing duck for your travels through the matchup's Rat's!!

Ok….. I think I have two guys that could work…

And the coin toss decided on………. PLUTO (outertale sans)!

Yes Pluto is our resident cute and shy boy but despite popular belief, he’s not that sensitive. Pluto is plenty capable of handling someone sarcastic and teasing and willow actually enjoy the attention a bit. He’s used to every one treating him like a child and will like being taken seriously for once.

Pluto is great for a brainy SO who likes to talk science! And it doesn’t matter what field, Pluto enjoys it! The only thing he doesn’t really enjoy debating is philosophy and politics. You’ll find that Pluto actually listens to your info dumps and is really fun to debate. And you don’t have to worry about any frustration or grudges on his part afterwards

Pluto is still an older brother. If he finds out you’re not drinking water again, he’s not above scolding you with his huge baby eyes. Nobody can resist the space eyes

Pluto is one of the funnest skeletons to jump scare. Jupiter does it all the time too lol. He’ll shriek and blush several different shades of blue and purple before basically demanding that you hug the fear away lol. Or he’ll float away. It’s random

So I heard you like fidget toys ;). I don’t know if that includes fluffy textures, but Pluto is always wearing a fuzzy hoodie. And he likes it when his SO has a hand on him, it makes him feel safe. He’ll be your fidget you any day

Your second pick would’ve been sans

#matchups #outertale

[lord-of-nightmares-and-anguish]

just a jimon thing my brain came up with in a rare moment of lucidity

Jace was known for his recklessness. Despite pretending to be oblivious to it, Jace was well aware that he tended to run into things head first. Which is kinda weird, because when Alec says We’re Lightwoods. We break noses and accept the consequences its inspirational. But when Jace actually does it, its reckless, and suicidal, and immature.

And....well when Jace allows himself a rare moment of clarity he can acknowledge that he’s a little reckless, and maybe a tad bit immature. But suicidal? Maybe, but not in the way people think. Jace doesn’t take the most dangerous missions because he has a death wish.....mostly. Death isn’t on his mind when he runs in front of Simon to take the hit from the demon. Really. Whenever he gets into situations like this, sprawled on the ground, and not even in a sexy way his brain distantly adds, the last thing on his mind is Death.

You either live long enough to see yourself become a villain, or die a hero. Over and over and over in his head, like a movie that never stops. In spite of his parabatai’s best efforts, he can’t seem to shake Valentine’s hold on him. He was his father in all the ways that matter but shouldn’t and he can’t let himself become like Valentine. He can’t. So yes, he acts like his flesh and angel blood are an adamis shield against everything bad in the world. He doesn’t want to die. Not really. Not yet. Not when he has the cutest Daylighter to play video games with on the weekend.

But as much as he loves Simon. And wow, isn’t that a revelation to have sitting in a pool of blood. As much as he loves Simon, he loves being remebered as good more. His intentions have been muddled, between the mixed messages from the Clave and his family, Jace knows that people don’t know how to feel about him. He feels it in the way they keep him at arms length. Far away enough that if he turns, they won’t be at fault for associating with him. But just close enough that if he ever ends up proving his worth they won’t be condemned with ostracizing him. It’s exhausting.

Jace doesn’t want them to still be guessing when he’s in his grave.

He groans as he feels cold hands pick him up and carry him to what must be a portal. Jace feels slightly unsettled because he doesn’t hear Simon breathing. Jace chooses to ignore it, because if he’s going to spend his last moments in his crush’s arms he’ll be damned if he spends it worrying about why Simon isn’t breathing. He figures that Simon’s allowed to break from his normal behavior. It’s not like he carries Jace around bridal style on a daily basis either. 

~break~

Jace wakes up in the infirmary. He looks at the stars, and sees them dim before his eyes as the realization that he’s alive hits him, and yeah maybe Jace needs to reexamine his not suicidal thing. Jace thinks that he’s alone, which is why when he moves to get out of bed to make the long and probably painful trek to his room he’s surprised when someone stops him.

“Simon?”

The Daylighter was at his bedside looking down at him with the most torn expression he’s ever seen. His eyes glinted with determination while his face had red residue from his dried tears.

“Jace.”

Jace looks at Simon for a long moment as silence stretches between them. Simon seemed to be steeling himself to say something important but Jace was still stuck on how Simon had said his name. When was the last time someone had said his name as a sentence? Like everything he was could be encompassed by his name, and that was enough. He was enough. Jace’s last remaining braincell reminded him that everyone used his name as a sentence; and the only reason why it was different when Simon said it was because he was in love and possibly still riding the highs of pain medication. Jace heard heard Simon’s soft intake of breath, and prepared himself for whatever he was about to say.

“Jace, I-....I don’t know how to say this but I’m just gonna say it and maybe, hopefully this makes sense. You scared me today, Jace. Well, you kinda scare me everyday but today was different. Seeing you lying on the ground half-dead.....all to protect me. It was terrifying. A-and not because it was a lot of blood, but because the thought losing you makes me feels like im back in the grave again, wondering whether I’ll ever get out. And I know it shouldn’t affect me like this, since I’ve known you for months now, and I should be used to it, but fuck Jace I don’t want to be! You’ve been a soldier all your life. Fighting is in your blood so I know, that you know how to save someone without putting your life on the line. And I can’t watch someone I care about constantly put themselves in danger like this.”

Jace felt his heart break at those words and tried to mentally prepare himself for another person to walk out of his life. Obviously Simon’s monologue wasn’t enough torture because Jace could hear him gearing up to say something else.

“Which is exactly why, you need to tell me why you keep on acting like you’re an invincible punching bag, so that I can fix it. And I can ensure that I still have someone to beat in Mario Kart.”

Jace snorted, “Good to know that you have your priorities straight and my best interests at heart.”

“Always sweetheart, always.” And if Jace’s heart fluttered at the pet name, that’s nobody damn business but his own.

“Anyways, Jace chop chop! I mean you don’t have to tell me. Right now that is. But it’s either me or Alec and I know he’s your parabatai and all but he can be really dense when it comes to listening and helping people with things like this.”

Jace grumbled but he couldn’t deny that Simon was right. He loved Alec, but he has a hard time with sensitive subjects. Jace still shudders about the conversation Alec tried to have with him about Celine’s mental health history. Jace decided to just suck it up and tell Simon. It’s not like he has anything to lose, and he doubts anything he’ll share with Simon will ruin his perception of him. He knows to keep the darkest parts of himself hidden. He’s just sharing his thought process, right? He’s not revealing anything, its just simply a matter of logic. No one wants to be remebered in a bad light.

So he tells Simon that. He tells him how he feels cold, like he’s always on the outskirts of living in Valentine’s shadow, and there’s not many ways to redeem yourself in the Shadow world. Not when you messed up as much as Jace did. 

He doesn’t expect Simon to hug him. He tells Jace that what people think of him doesn’t matter.

“And Jace, I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m immortal. Trust me when I say that I’ll make sure that everyone remebers you for the great person you are.”

Jace can’t deal with the overload of comfort from Simon, but decides that he’ll try to enjoy it anyways because it’s not everyday he gets held by the love of his life.

Simon gently lays them down, mindful of the bandages around Jace’s midsection and tucks them both under the covers. Jace snuggles into Simon’s side, still sort of convinced that this is a drug addled dream because why else would Simon be so nice? When has a conversation about his behavior gone this well? Jace refuses to believe that this is real, because if it is then Jace will get used to this. Used to having someone be there for him. And eventually he will get hurt again, and Jace is just beginning to find his footing after everything that’s happened. So for now he closes his eyes and settles against Simon’s back. He tries to tell himself that this doesn’t mean anything, and that Simon cares about him as a friend and nothing more. Jace will take what he can get, and besides, friend cuddles aren’t all that bad.

#jimon #shadowhunters #shadwohunters fanfic #hurt/comfort #K I N D A #they get together #just not here #Jace is ok tho #like he's pining but he's fine #his pining wasn't really the focus lol #IT WAS HIM #ALWAYS YEETING HIMSELF INTO DANGEROUS SITUATIONS >:(((((( #asdklfasjlkf #anyways #also this was not proofread #alsdfjasdflasdf #whoops

[0bianidalas]

ok. i hate to be put in this position because polo x carla x christian was an OT3 that was really close to my heart but yeah, here goes a long rant: POLO X CARLA X CHRISTIAN IS IN NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM BETTER THAN POLO X CAYETANA X VALERIO. 

First of all, anyone of you who says they’re just recycling or repeating that storyline can fuck right off, let us polyamorous people have more than one throuple in a show. 

Why is Polo x Caye x Valerio better? Simple: because they talk. Because they’re open. Because they’re aware of what they want. 

Polo x Carla x Christian was born out of a shady game/experiment Polo and Carla wanted to try. Polo x Carla x Christian throuple’s whole foundation was a clusterfuck.

Christian was fooled into thinking Carla was into him when really he was being watched without his consent when he had sex with her. Carla thought she was trying to salvage her relationship with her boyfriend and Polo was just trying to act on his attraction to men without having to end things with his girlfriend. Messy. Then when Christian got in on to the picture, he did so for his own, dishonest reasons. 

Let me break it down into the three parts, because that’s the real issue: all three of them did terrible, questionable stuff.

First, the original sinner & real orchestrator: Polo. Yes, this whole thing was Polo’s idea even though Carla had to nudge him towards it at given points. 

In season two we find ourselves with a Polo who’s not questioned about his bisexuality, who explicitly says “Bi? Is that what I am? You know, you may be right. I might be bi” when is labeled as such & then who reveals to Guzmán he was into him at some point in his life. We don’t know for sure how long people have known this about Polo, but they know now. But FIRST, in season one, we have this exchange between Carla and Polo, the first time he’s having doubts about what they’re doing: 

[btw, this is Carla being supportive of her bi bf, just saying. She was encouraging, at one point, but, yk, I’ll get to that]

Now, either this happened sometime before Polo’s bi awakening via Guzman’s incrediboy ass or this right there is Polo outright lying to Carla. Polo was aware that he was attracted to guys & his main goal of having a threesome with his gf & some other dude was to explore that (or he wasn’t but then the whole timeline is weird bc then that means he liked Guzman sometime during S1 events. idk). First strike. 

Then, where else did my dear chaotic bi Polo go wrong? He let himself get pushed & influenced by Guzmán’s nosy ass comments. Polo was ready to help Christian get a modeling job with his mother, to get Christian to like him as a friend, without anything sexual in return

but then Guzman got inside with his head with his “Christian wants to take advantage of you” & then Christian’s whole dismissive attitude towards him & Carla calling him out on being jealous just triggered his Messy Needy Bi brain. So he got Christian to suck his dick over a magazine cover = he took advantage of Christian before he could do it to him. Second strike

And the nail on the coffin was cheating on Carla. Because yes, that was cheating. He lied to her to get alone time with Christian so he could have him to himself. He broke his girlfriend’s trust &, as the principle of their arrangement stated they weren’t supposed to do anything with Christian without the presence of the other: he broke the rules. Third strike. 

This last point of Polo’s faults brings us to Carla’s mistakes:

As I pointed above, Carla did encourage Polo in his attraction towards guys. In the examples of: the scene above, when she told him he liked Christian undressed better, when she moved the boys’ chins to see if they would kiss with a smile on her face, even when she pointed out Polo was jealous she was amused by it. She was on board. In fact, she was actually even pushy about it when you come to think of it, which is not good, bc if Polo hadn’t told her then she just had to wait for him to gather the strength to say it, not push him out. But I digress.

It was only after Polo broke their pact that she turned disapproving & judgemental & did that cursed thing of questioning Polo’s bisexuality by saying “I think you like boys more than girls”.

A lot of people like to think that Carla pulled the strings to get herself this double course meal but as I said, that’s not the case. Polo had the idea, it’s just that Carla had the drive to actually pull it off. That being said, the way she decided to get there was controlling and messy, yes. Most of the times, she cared more about getting keeping the threesome arrangement than the genuine concerns and doubts her boyfriends had. Dick got her careless about her boys feelings.

Then there’s the fact that, yk, she coerced Polo into lying about what he had done (which, now that S3 is out makes me wonder a LOT), which ended up getting messier than it needed. And then she also dragged Christian down.

PS. Also, a lot of people seem to have pointed out that Carla was more into Christian than she was into Polo but I feel like that’s a reach. Polo had been her boyfriend for over four years, so ofc, she was a bit more enthusiastic when she was with Christian. But when it all came down, the one she really loved was Polo. Only Polo. (which is also an issue for a polyam triad, ofc)

Now, on to the icing of the cake: Mr. Christian “I’m not aware I’m a huge ass raging bisexual & Im upset about it” Varela. Yes. I said it. Christian’s bi, I got plenty of proof & no doubts.

As I’ve pointed before: Christian was put into this trio clueless. Used. Lied to. The guy had very valid reasons to go “if you want to spice things up in your relationship, get yourself some other guy”. But since he’s a dumb (bi) boy with a Plan, he accepted.

Nothing ever goes right in triad in which one party just “””accepts””; they’re either into it or they’re not. Forcing polyamory is just as bad as forcing monogamy.

That’s not saying that Christian wouldn’t have gladly been a part of their trio had they gone right at it (just, picture it, Polo helping Christian get that fame & recognition he craves, slowly getting close to him. Carla being supportive & reassuring of her interest in them, equally, bam! They would’ve gotten Christian forever).

However that didn’t happen, so instead, we got a Christian who’s core interest was sexual & social/economic. He wanted to be with Carla for sex & with Polo for money/prestige.

There was potential for Christian to realize he’s not straight. Because no straight man looks like this when being sucked off by a guy:

There was potential for Christian to fall in actual love with Carla, too. Potential for Christian to become more than what his parents thought him to be & to exploit that ambitious side of him in something that would’ve made him truly successful. However, Miguel Herran (Christian’s actor) had scheduling conflicts or didn’t wish to be part of the show anymore so all that potential went to waste. 

Why Polo x Caye x Val are better

Essentially: because they have none of the above.

Polo has left insecure-about-his-bisexuality Polo behind, he’s grown & knows better than to lie & be pushed around now. Cayetana is in no position of power to be controlling or pushy. & Valerio is fully aware of who he is/what he wants with them from the beginning. 

The circumstances have made Polo stop being concerned about what his friends (now former friends) think of him & his love life. In fact, he proudly rejoices in it & tells the people he cares about,  about it (Ander, his moms). Polo’s really only hesitation at first was rooted in the fact that his previous try with Carla & Christian didn’t work out. 

Valerio comes forward with his equal interest in them as soon as he realizes that’s what he wants. (which is after he learns Polo tried to commit suicide) He makes sure to state, verbally, that he’s into both of them: 

& even makes sure that they like him back by asking them. Which they verbally assure Valerio they do. But they’re only saying no because they don’t want to tarnish Valerio’s already controversial reputation, showing that: they care about Valerio at that point already. 

Cayetana, for her part, did positively what Carla wasn’t able to, for one reason or the other: constantly be reassuring and supportive of the triad. She’s the one who made sure the triad kept on by just being open & honest about how good it was for them. (”You’re the piece we were missing” to Valerio & “We’re building something nice here. Something worthwhile” to Polo). 

When Polo&Christian wanted to call quits & break up the arrangement, Carla forced them back in with manipulative tricks (sex or pressure). Meanwhile, when Polo&Valerio got insecure about the triad, Caye lured them back in with honest, sweet words and reassurance.

Ultimately, the reason they fell apart was entirely fixable had they had had more time, but the season was about to be over & Polo’s fate was already set, anyways. 

You can argue Polo x Carla x Christian was hotter or that they felt more organic to you, fine. But they’re not a better trio & they’re definitely not a better polyamship; they had the potential, but the writers didn’t exploit it (& I’m sure that’s because Miguel H got out).

#elite #polo x carla x christian #polo x cayetana x valerio #polyamory #polyam tag #polo benavent #carla roson #christian varela #polo #carla #christian #caye #cayetana grajera #valerio #valerio montesinos #long post #midnight blogging brought to you by karen