#but that isnt always what a person needs

[disabled-disaster-king]

The mental health system has a huge gap for those who live with mental illness and trauma due to no ones fault. Who's problems dont stem from interpersonal issues or who dont follow the sstereotypicalt thought feeling behavior cbt model. I was inpatient for three months and they did not know what to do to help me. The entire program centered on family conflicts, substance issues and abuse trauma.

#not to say those are not incredibly important things to adress #but that isnt always what a person needs #sometimes things just happen or nothing happens #people like that still deserve to have help #not at the expense of others #but in addition and while working on improving what already exists #sometimes how we view the world is actually reality and not just overthinking and anxiety #im sorry but telling black ppl that they need to reframe their thoughts and feelings to reality instead of acnolaging the very real #existence of racism is just dumb #im sorry but jot restructuring of my thoughts is going yo make people not twll me that they would have killed themself if they were me #or that I am a burden #mental illness #mental health #madpunk #suicide mention #trauma #ignorance #toxic positivity #actually disabled #disability #ableism #racism

[bericas]

↳ john steinbeck, east of eden

#twedit #teenwolfplus #lydiamartinedit #lydia martin #teenwolfedit #ok hiiiiii for my tags #tw #anyway #i love her! #her trajectory is so fun and i love the way she finds goodness through accepting kindness #because she needs it! s1 and s2 were so hard for her! she's on her feet because allison kept her there. and then so do scott and stiles #and so maybe she can help too! maybe she can do something kind too. and scott is so kind when she offers #and then that resolution is met with even more kindness; its not in this set but allison is the first person to say she believes her #and not because ALLISON needs to believe her; this isnt about finding bodies. its about trusting and comforting her friend #its because LYDIA needs allison to believe her. and she does! and then later she receives similar comfort from stiles #and then meredith reassures her of her personhood in a way thats even beyond Not Being a Monster; lydia doesnt do monstrous things #meredith sees her and sees goodness where it always has been but wasnt always offered so freely #AND THEN LYDIA STARTS OFFERING IT FREELY!! she looks out for tracy for no reason but to do it #and when she goes catatonic she surfaces because MEREDITH ENCOURAGES HER!! and because MALIA NEEDS HELP!!! #when she realizes she can protect her friends by putting their bodies before hers it what she does. she wakes up for malia. she stares down #a gun and guides liam away from the ghost rider holding it. not pictured here but in 6b she protects mason with her body too #and the ghost riders gun couldnt hurt her but the hunters sure could!!! AND BEFORE THE SHOOTING. SHE LOOKS MONROE IN THE FACE #a woman who wants to kill her and has already proven she can! but she does it because scott believes in people and lydia believes in scott #and scott needs help and lydia can help him! and how many times has he helped her. how many times have all of her friends helped her #and by this point. how many times has she offered the same? she's used to it enough that she can offer monroe kindness too. a chance to tal #LYDIA MARTIN I LOVE YOU FOREVER YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS #NO ONE IS DOING IT LIKE YOU!!

[haemosexuality]

*sits up in the middle of the night* in this next universe where vampires seem to have taken over the world, marceline probably either never met simon or he died soon after they met, which means that since her mom also died when she was really young (too young to remember a lot about her i bet), she most likely raised herself completely alone through the apocalypse and never really learned about Morals which is how after getting bitten she joined the vampires and, became evil i guess. we see that even with simons good influence in her formative years she went through a rough path after getting bitten so it would make sense that shed turn out nasty if it wasnt for him. she is part demon. we just saw an universe where simon lost marcy and was fucked up and now we're gonna see one where marcy lost simon and became fucked up

#thinking about the flashback in the ep simon petrikov where hes like #''youd be fine if you didnt meet me better even. as for me...'' #itd be so so cool if the show showed us that actually she Wouldnt be fine. they both needed each other to keep their sanity and morals #during the apocalypse #like itd be neat #this isnt me saying marceline is naturally an evil person shes literally my favorite character im just saying that like #if ur a child in a post apocalyptic landscape that didnt have anyone to teach you what morals are #aside from ur mom who died when u were like 5 #youd probably turn out a bit fucked up too. like look at bonnie lol #im jusy using ''evil'' as a descriptive bc its easier and also we havebt actually seen this marcy so i cant speak much on her personality #but at characters arent usually that 2d #also we literally see simon being the one to teach marceline morals. Vandalism Is Wrong Marcy #and we see her having demon instincts- the wazzup dog in obsidian #i always thought that demon and vampire prolly didnt mix up well and she had to work a Lot to get to the level of stability and ethics that #she is now #so im excited to see a world where she had no reason to work on that skfhsjfhejfhejf #ok im rambling. its 3am and i have to be up in 2 hours help me #adventure time #fionna and cake #watch me be completely wrong when the ep comes out #but thats just a theory... a cartoon theory

[jellycreamjammedart]

Just say you think cp is ok as long as the minors are fictional you fuckin pedophile

Normally I ignore hostile or pre-judgmental asks on the off chances I get them, but I'll make exception for this one because it seems like a good opportunity for some much needed nuance-- also because I get this person's disgust, I really do.

But you, my fella, must understand that this isn't about the morality or even lack thereof behind dark fictional content, at all. You must realize that wanting dark and taboo fictional content (yes including that one you mentioned) not being allowed to exist actually does nothing to improve or protect irl lives, much on the contrary actually. No, I don't think there's any possible moral reason behind fictional cp content (nor do I find it 'ok',) but once again, this isn't about morality.

Please take a moment to read this thread (it words this topic better than me) then think it over. Trust me, it's a better use of your time than annoying ppl online with words you can't even bother standing up for with your name/face.

#like yeah i get your kneejerk reaction n outrage #but you must not let your disgust alone call for morality esp with fictional content #believe me i dont like pedophiliac fiction and wouldnt want to engage or come across it personally #and i def dont think it should just be posted wherever without abandon without the proper trigger/content warnings filters tags #or outside the proper spaces #if the contrary happens the problem isnt the dark theme itself existing but an INDIVIDUAL problem of the author being forgetful at best #or an asshole at worst #but i understand this kind of content has to be safe to exist when properly handled even if i dont like it nor would look at it #bc if you allow censorship even the tiniest margin there it will never ever just stop or stay there #it will 100% of the time always try to spread and take more #you dont need to engage or like or even agree with dark content at all! #but you must understand that either even the darkest and most grotesque and disgusting type of fic is safe to exist #or NO forms of fiction are truly safe to exist at all #yes even the fictional content you'd deem pure and kid-friendly could be at risk then #anon #anonymous #jellycream answers #psa #idk what other tags should be here im drawing a blank srry

[good-beanswrites]

Hello hello! It's me again! (That one Anon who requested Lies with Kazui & Yuno, but I've set up my account now so no need to ask anonymously again lol) Thank you for satisfying my previous request, it was such a delight to read. I keep rereading it every now and then and I'm still always left in awe with it like jesus christ you didn't have to go all in on that im sobbing with the 0207 friendship dynamic.

I've also seen your latest post and drabble asks. I'd like to request from the Drabble List#1 - #5 “Idiots. They are all idiots.” with Es themselves!

Let the prisoners have fun and Es just stares at them nonchalantly, silently judging their idiocy from afar, hell, maybe even let Yuno/Mikoto convince them to join. You can do anything as long as you think it'll fit, they're all just a little silly (minus the fact they're in prison lol).

With all that said, take your time and no rush! I can always wait. Thanks a lot! ...now back to rereading my previous request for the nth time,, i love it so much,, thankyouagain

Ah thank you so much, that means so much!! I'm so glad you liked it, that one was really nice to write :'D And yesss thank you for the request -- this was such a blast to do as well! (though I also made myself emotional over Es' lost childhood, that was less fun ;___;) I debated on several activities within the prison but thought this was plausible and fun for some mid-T1 shenanigans

Es had a job to do. They had many eyes watching them. They had several lives in their hands. They had heavy responsibilities. They didn’t have time for something as silly as ‘video game night’, regardless of the laughter that bubbled up from the common room as they passed by. They were not way tempted to join, regardless of how much fun the group seemed to be having when they peered their head in.

Fuuta had whined that Es had replaced all his requests with completely outdated consoles and games, confirming they had been successful in choosing things without any access to the internet or outside world. Plus, they thought, this gave the older prisoners a fighting chance with some of the games.

Not that they cared whether or not the prisoners had a good time. That wasn’t any concern of theirs. Even in these long periods of rest between their more eventful duties, they must remain focused.

The laughter crescendoed into delighted screaming.

Es figured one more look inside wouldn’t hurt. They were supposed to be keeping an eye on everyone, after all. 

The prisoners had gathered various chairs and bedding material, creating makeshift couches. Some piled onto the new seating, some splayed out on the ground, others stood in excitement. The television was so small, the two players needed to lean all the way forward to see. 

Mahiru bounced in her seat as Yuno whipped around her remote. Fuuta was demanding Kazui play better, gesturing wildly at the screen. Shidou chucked to himself as the others grew more intense. Haruka kept asking questions about the game, receiving an answer only about half the time. 

As the match got closer, Yuno leapt to her feet. She tried to shimmy in front of Kazui and block his view. He stood to prod her out of the way. Muu called foul play, though she said it with a thrill rather than accusation. Fuuta repeated it -- with quite a lot of accusation -- and tried to push Yuno out of the way. Mikoto tried to hold him back, voicing his support of Yuno’s methods. 

The others got caught up in the yelling. Amane’s eyes were wide in anticipation. Kotoko pumped her fist as the battle got even closer. The room erupted in movement and shoving and tripping and remote pulling -- until they yanked the tiny television forward. 

The thick cord came free, and the screen went black just before a winner was announced. Ten voices chorused their outrage.

Es shook their head. “Idiots. They are all idiots.”

They turned away as the prisoners hurried to set everything up again. They were just about to turn the corner into the panopticon when Yuno’s voice called from behind.

“Hey!” She ran up, taking advantage of their brief pause. “I saw you passing by. Why don’t you come join us?”

Not for the first time, Es wished they had enough height to look down on all the prisoners. “I’m your warden. I’m not some child here to play games with you all.”

She pursed her lips. “I’m not a kid either. But I’m still down for a night to unwind.”

“You’re lucky to have the luxury to relax. I, on the other hand, am busy right now.”  

Yuno made a show of looking left, then right, across the empty hallway. “And what exactly are you doing right now?”

“I’m working.”

She frowned. “Uh-huh…”

“I am!” They fumbled for more, coming up blank. They should have known the moment she came skipping over to them that it would be impossible to fool her. There was no need for this routine check of the prison; everyone was gathered in the common room except them. Yuno had known this before uttering a single word.

Her hands fluttered in a dismissive gesture. “Too much work is never good for you. It doesn’t matter how mature you are -- if you get too caught up in your job it’ll drive you to some crazy things.” She smirked. “Just look at Shidou. Or Mikoto!”

“I could look at you…”

Though surprise flickered across her face, she kept grinning. “Exactly! So let’s get you in here.” She tugged on their arm. Prisoners couldn’t physically move Es against their will. 

They huffed as they found themselves inching closer and closer to the entryway.

“I suppose I can come and watch,” they muttered, “and still keep an eye on you all.”

“No! No more working!” She managed to get them into the room. “Here, you can take my spot in the next round.”

Kazui looked over. “Who said you were getting the next spot?”

“Oh come on, I was clearly going to win that one.”

“Clearly? I'm pretty sure was seconds away from beating you.”

“Well then, I guess Es can take your spot.”

“Es is playing?” Haruka looked up excitedly. 

“I haven’t agreed to anything yet.”

It was as if they hadn’t said anything at all. The others launched into a discussion of who would give their remote to Es? Who would they’d face off against? Were they resetting the bracket they’d begun? Which game would they return to? The ten argued in circles for a while. For a group of murderers, they were insistent on a fair tournament. After breaking up some bickering that could have become physical, Es once again wondered how they ended up watching over a mess like this. 

At length the game was chosen, and a rematch was slated for Yuno and Kazui later in the night. To save themself time and sanity, Es went ahead and picked their opponent.

“I’ll play Fuuta.” 

He had been the obvious choice: he could supply enough chatter for the both of them, so Es could remain silent. Also, he was guaranteed to win and free them from an obligation to play more than one round. They flashed a look at some of the more observant prisoners, hoping they didn’t tip them off.

However, no one was really watching them too keenly. Mahiru clapped in joy. Yuno beamed. Mikoto shoved a remote into their hands. Haruka started rapidly explaining the rules to them. Shidou directed Es to their seat in the center. Kotoko gave them an encouraging nod. As expected, Fuuta was already deep into trash talk as he sat next to them.

They really were simple-minded people, more focused on this silly game than the fact their warden had just sat amongst them. It was dangerous to let one’s guard down in a place like this, Es reminded themself. 

With a little jingle, the match began. 

Their fingers flew across the controls. Though they had a rocky start, some sort of muscle memory kicked in. Surely this game had come out before they were born, and there was no way they’d played it regularly. None of that mattered much. Their little avatar was obviously gaining the lead.

Their eyes stayed fixed on the screen as they received slaps on the back and nudges. Their guard's cap was knocked off in the shuffling, but they couldn't risk picking it up. Voices called all around them.

“Aw, don’t just let the kid win!” Mikoto said.

“I’m not!” Fuuta was desperate. “They fucking tricked me! They’re a pro!”

Es felt energy run through their entire body. Their original plan already slipping away, they wondered if they could actually beat Fuuta. It would be fun to see… They leaned forward, holding their breath. The audience continued cheering the pair on. Once again, the room was swept up in shouts.

The match ended. A little banner flashed across the screen to name Es victorious. They jumped up, a small whoop escaping them. 

They would’ve melted in shame right then and there, if the sound weren’t already drowned out by the surrounding chaos. The others laughed and shook Es in amazement. Fuuta let out a string of colorful language.

“That was incredible!”

“Holy shit!”

“How’d you do that?”

Es placed the cap back on their head, pulling it over their eyes. “I don’t know. And it doesn’t matter. I’m done for the night.” They tried to pass off the remote, but Mikoto pushed it back into their hands. 

“Nuh-uh. I want to see this for myself.” He grabbed the other one from a dejected Fuuta. “Same game. Same characters. Lemme see what you’ve got.”

Es wasn’t meant to play one round, much less get caught up in their ridiculous tournament.

Don’t be an idiot, they told themself.

“Bring it on,” they told Mikoto.

#milgram #es #yuno kashiki #fuuta kajiyama #mikoto kayano #and everyone else #i always worry it gets too busy with too many characters but i think this works 👍 #thank you for all your kind words!!! i feel like a broken record but it really means so much to me -- #im so happy youre enjoying these as much as i am >:3 #my next one is going to be a bit more serious but it was really fun doing these lighter ones :') #they deserve a night of relaxation and fun! im absolutely obsessed with es' insistence on their duty and solemn attitude #because theyre just a kid! they need a break! theyd get excited and competitive just like anyone else! they should be allowed to! #UGH #i think es and amane are a bit too similar with their struggles with age and being controlled by adults where its harder to get along #but yuno also understands what its like to want to be seen as a responsible mature person despite a younger age #and shed know how best to say things lightly but still meaningfully <3 #yeah i thought about them doing sports or cooking or karaoke but this worked the best #haruka and amane dont have much experience with video games but i think theyd catch on quick #shidou has a lot of fun but he sucks ass LMAO #mahiru also isnt great but even if she was doing good shed let everyone else win to make sure their spirits stay up #im a sucker for writing where a character says something over and over and you just know theyre trying to convince themselves 😂 #someone tell me to stop rambling in the tags and just make a new post for gods sake asdfsdfds #i hope you enjoy! #im late by now but woo happy getting your account set up 👏 welcome to the hellsite... #drabbles

[parchmentknight]

CHARLES SMITH RED DEAD 2 UHHH

charles smith redemption two is just like me fr

#what is it called when u really vibe with a character and see urself in it #charles isnt my fav fav character but he is definitely the one that is most ME #i dont know what term tumblr uses anymore #anyways. #IM POC SEASIAN K. DONT GET ME WRONG IM BROWN #i too think about conserving nature and the ecosystems and the inportance of animals especially ones that resonate with my family #and the protection of cultural animals that are being killed off by poachers #and how silence is comfortable and doesnt always need to be filled and how my closest friends are comfortable with it too #and how hard it is to be good but u strive to be good in a cruel world anyways #and becoming a better person despite your traumas and the environment around you #and im hoping for a good ending... maybe a better one than charles' but a good one nonetheless #also his dry humour. miss throwing deadpan lines around my highschool teachers. doesnt happen in online asynchronous school :/ #also he has body goals. man is BUILT and MAJESTIC i wanna be like that so freaking bad #rivera writes #charles smith #rdr2 #just personal rambles before i hit the hay #comic expo is in two days!!! tryna cop some red dead merch yk

[scaryinclusive]

oh cool, a diagnosed person with antisocial personality disorder discussing their perspective on life etc etc, hopefully they're not ableist!

their content: how to destroy a narcissist from a sociopath's pov.

#im so eager once ive dealt with some personal stuff #to work on... creating a space where?? #we aren't tearing each other down? #i dont think ive managed to find any audible content yet #by pwnpd or pwaspd that isnt #playing to the stereotype... playing to the needs of ableists or #internally ableist in some way #and that really kills me #there are like 2 or 3 aspd vids but No npd content #there's always in fighting somewhere always so prepared #to drag potential allies down #and for what #personal. #i just want a relatable space where im not demonised and #ppl aren't handing out guides on how to fuck me over #when im trying so hard and spending a fortune on recovery for myself

[mcybree]

Ok ok ok I'm not Tryna start discourse but bluestars prophecy was my first ever warriors book and bluestar will always be my favourite so I'm gonna make some counterpoints to you about her being a Smajor character

bluestar has always been led by an intense loyalty and dedication to those she loves and cares for - this includes her mum, her sister, her clan, eventually Firepaw when he joins the clan, and she has a VERY strong moral compass when it comes to doing the right thing - when she sees thistleclaw teaching tigerpaw to hurt a then baby scourge she very much discourages it and is against it

Afaik scott is Not like that, he doesn't have an emotional or love-driven moral code, he does things because they're smart decisions in the long term or because he wants to. Granted I havent seen a ton of his stuff but I have seen his limited life and 3rd life perspectives and he is very much a singular team player there, there to look after himself and well if people align with him that's great he's got allies (jimmy and Martyn) but he won't go out of his way to care for them

Bluestars defiance of starclan in the first series is BECAUSE she gave herself to them and what the warrior code demanded so much - yes she broke clan rules by having kids with crookedstar but she did everything in her power to make sure they'd have a happy life and felt terrible that thrushpelt was willing to say they were his to save her reputation. She didn't do it out of a selfish want, she only ever wanted to help her clan and those she loved, and her becoming clan leader is emblematic of that want. When she rejects starclan so wholeheartedly in the first series it's because THINGS KEEP GOING WRONG WHEN SHES TRIED SO HARD TO STOP THEM FROM DOING THAT - starclan has never cared about the sacrifices she made to keep her loved ones and clan safe, she lost her mother, her sister, her kits, her mate, literally everything, and things STILL KEEP GETTING WORSE. it's not a demand that she deserves to have everything good, it's a cry for help that shouldn't something go right after she's tried so hard???

C!Scott isn't like that. He puts himself above others and inherently believes he will get the best if he just plays his cards right, and he is good at it, he's very competent at lasting a long time in life series and getting what he wants - the ruthlessness of gem driven by desperation kills him in secret life, Martyn's complete fucking about face kills him in limited life, and I'm pretty sure it's etho who gets him out in 3rd life by luck. He doesn't plan to look after the ones he cares about, because he cares about himself first and foremost. Yeah you can argue when he doesn't get what he wants he gets annoyed, but his is less of a 'why don't I get this don't I deserve it' and more of a 'oh fuck this didn't work. Ok new plan double down on getting what I want by appeasing to people cos they're easy to read and therefore account for'

I don't doubt Scott would make a bluestar adjacent character if he made a warrior cats oc BUT his character would honestly be closer to darktail or ashfur than bluestar and that's that on that.

(sorry you activated 13 year old me's unskippable cutscene sjdjsjsjja this isnt meant to be a serious argument I just love bluestar a lot and love talking about her)

OKAY 1. this is fucking awesome thank you 2. i am going to do something new and exciting (advocate for scott instead of beating him to death with sticks) because unfortunately this bluestar info has only made me believe she is a smajor character even more.

As a general note when I talk about smajor characters as a collective here I’m referring to characters more in the realm of esmp/traffic/rats/pirates/etc, less vampire scott or necromancer scott who are intended to be villainous.

Scott characters tend to operate under a “If I am not a Good Person I may as well die” rule, and consequently abide by a strict moral code to keep themselves feeling clean. For instance: traffic Scott will never go back on his word, he will avoid dishonesty, and he won’t take from others unless he is sure that he can repay them. He will never betray his seasonal primary ally (even when they betray him first), and will often give people things just because they asked him nicely. He stakes a lot of his own identity on this, because it is through being a “good person” that he justifies his superiority (and, by extension, his own existence); in his mind he deserves the best and *is* the best because he is such a good person. When things don’t go his way, he thinks he doesn’t deserve it because he has been nothing but good, so he tries to place a reason. He often assumes that somebody must “have a vendetta” against him, even if this somebody is the world (see: him asking if limlife episode 1 boogeyman is some kind of joke played on him for not giving in to the boogey curse in Last Life.) which is very Bluestar to me, convinced that her misfortunes are a divine punishment.

This is all to say that Scott does have a strict moral code and deep sense of loyalty. Being a “good person” and devoted partner in the ways he understands it are so ingrained into what he is that I think he definitely has the capacity to be a Bluestar if he were raised being taught clan values, even if his internal systems are often built around never letting gross emotions be fully felt rather than what those emotions compel him to do.

#ive always wanted to partake in pointless character debate on tumblr #considered maintagging this but didnt want people looking at your ask weird. sorry yall we serve fucked up scott here #“But bree” you might ask “what about pearl? He wasnt a very devoted partner then!” #and to that I say: pearl isnt a person to him. and neither is jimmy. Scott fucked up with both of them and unfortunately if he is not good- #and justified 100% of the time he loses his entire identity so convincing himself that they are incompetent or crazy so that he #doesnt have to self reflect is how he gets by. he would literally rather kill himself than earnestly admit fault for anything #… huh. about the above tags I dont remember the lore but is there any parallel there with the whole bright heart thing #genuine question bc I do not remember why blue star did that and I dont trust the wiki #(Trying to space out names so they dont tag) #I really hope this makes sense btw bc I feel like I usually list a lot more examples… but im tired #I can elaborate on any point here if need be ig. I dont talk about this aspect of him often because the literal entire fandom does already #Every scott analysis post out there is about his damn loyalty… anyways yeah scotts loyalty is transactional more often than emotional but #It’s still loyalty and also. hard to draw the line between where the emotions stop sometimes because he can stop giving a fuck about— #most things on a whim. How much scott genuinely cares about something is a forever undefinable concept #asks #he is genuinely a very good ally to have usually. like jimmy was very much the exception there #he does like helping people out he does. he’s just also emotionally detached so he tallies his favors and good deeds to bring up later if— #someone he’s helped decides to go against him. If that makes sense #sorry man I just keep talking. I love this blue animal……. #thanks for the ask genuinely I love when paragraphs about characters #anyways im gonna pass out and. Shakes myself STOP ADDING MORE TAGSSS i think im so tired man

[robotpussy]

hm the diversity everybody seems to be ok with (all white cast and a token) is what forced diversity actually is, not when the best person for a lead role just so happens to not be white/mostly not white cast but we all know what people mean by "forced diversity" so I'm not gonna lament too much anymore

#i was looked for gifs of a specific short film only find some reactionary racist shit abt the little mermaid remake #like i did at one point start to think maybe they did cast halle so there would be more buzz but shes actually genuinely #the best for the role #i always knew she was!!! and if anything disney doesn't need diversity points to make money they will make it regardless #if you want to say something like 'ariel being black makes the story so much worse' then actually..... talk about it don't just say that #because you wish a white girl was playing ariel 😂 ofc its white people saying this so they could never actually #delve into it. like we can 100% talk abt how alot of the dynamics have changed in the live action movie because of the race #of characters but if you do not know what language to use or you're just using it to hide being racist idgaf abt what you have to say lmfao #im only say this because the person was convinced halle was cast as ariel because disney wants diverity points and not because #she was the best for the rolw #its never they were the best for the role when actor isnt white is it?

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #whats literally so funny was that as soon as i saw him walk in the room last year i knew he was gonna be trouble for me #however i never knew itd be this kind n this deep JDJDNDJJDNDJDNDNDN #we are like........ way closer than i ever anticipated. im terrified that we wont have anything to talk about once school ends #i wanna say so much to him but i... theres so much school stress i just.... i dont wanna add anything extra on top for myself or for him... #hhhhhh god lmao. this time last year i hadnt even spoken to him n now im like..... in this Thing that is maybe mutual but maybe isnt #god....... this shit is so hard NFJFJJFJFJFJF #i only see him like 3 more times in the near future...... #then i gotta wait a bit.... but i dont want to 😭😭😭 #i wanna see him every week.... at least... but its probably gonna be on a month basis even IF THAT.... #god what if it all fizzles out............ #hhhhhhhhhh #im gonna try to keep it going. im just..... idk. im scared #i hope he tries to keep it going too..... #its just hard.... when its 2 ppl that like.... only talk when they need to...... try to keep in touch JFJDJDJDJDKKDKDKDK #the most we go now is a full day without talking...... like either i'll message or he will #usually its me.... but... im more talkative i guess ... IDK #all ik is that i Know hes not talking to anyone else at school LMAO #one of my friends was like.... ya dont bother putting him in a group chat .. he never answere #while im over here like.... LOL he messages me back always within minutes/seconds #and if hes offline... as soon as hes back online. #JXJXKKXKXKXKZ GOD. #n e way. see him today............ looking forward to it but also nervous 😳 #i'll be fine once i see him tho... its just the Anticipation #feel really comfortable around him LOL. never thought id say that #anyway

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

Not pro/anti ship but a secret third thing (side eyeing ppl with ships i dont like and block them/the tag if it makes me uncomfortable)

#shut up pandora #wtf is pro and anti SHIP anyway #you cant come up with a universal definition everyone will agree on #'no problematic ships' ok can you write a manifesto on every nuance of shipping in fiction to describe what exactly is problematic #and then can you get everyone who says 'no problematic ships' to agree with it #'no censorship/harassment' is noble and all but what do you mean by that? when ppl tell you they dislike your ship? #when i say i dislike the huntlow ship 80 shippers go for the throat and tell me either to either make sure it doesnt end up in the tags #or tell me not to say it at all. in a post that isnt even blind hate like i always talk about their characters and the story too #is that censorship? #and then 20 ppl trip over themselves to explain why THEY PERSONALLY like the ship even if i didnt ask #is that harrassment? #or is that just ppl online being obnoxious about their opinions and theres no need to moralize the concept of shipping #which has been around in its semi modern form since the 60s #you can be pro or anti SPECIFIC SHIP though i dont use that term bc of the associations with the words pro and anti #but moralizing an entire aspect of fandom culture generalizes too much #the truth is theres no cheat code to avoid drama in fandom you cant just slap a lable on yourself and expect everyone to know what you mean #you cant just say im anti ship and be absolved of liking 'problematic content' bc the definition of that is blurry as hell #you can just say im pro ship and universally supoort every person shipping weird shit you gotta draw the line somewhere #and while you shouldnt harass them the definition for that is blurry too #gotta curate your own online experience block ships and ppl you dont like etc #pro and anti is just a line in the sand that separates a whole spectrum of ppl

[girl-bateman]

Some days I'm pretty content with my childhood other days I'm ripping my hair out because it just doesn't add up !! someone is hiding things from me !! I don't trust anyone !!

#im studying 'family as a psycosocial context' rn and its been pretty interesting! #and i was talking to my mom an article with an evolutionary perspective #bc we've talked before abt how this area of psychology can come off as dismissive abt socioeconomic factors & put unfair pressure on mothers #so i brought it up bc the paper didnt define parenting in terms of good/bad which was interesting ! #but then at the end i said something abt 'the article talks abt abuse which obviously isnt relevant for me' #and she wouldnt answer me but her eyes were all watery and weird and I DONT LIKE THAT #like girl 😟 i was coming to terms with the occasional childhood neglect but abuse ? dont even tell me that bc what #like i know things werent perfect for me growing up but i hate how weird my mom is abt everything #and she starts crying if we get too much into it so i feel a little bad bringing it up #i also feel like when i do get new information abt something in my past it always makes me have a crisis #so maybe its just not worth it ? #bc i do feel like im in a rly good place rn and i dont need to know if i was 'abused' whatever that means #what i do know is bad enough and makes me sad as it is #i think the reason i get so paranoid abt it is because i have trouble remembering the stuff that has been told to me #and some vague things i do remember have been refuted ? so i cant rly trust my own memory #but idk if i can trust anyone else either #i mean i do trust my mom generally but shes so emotional and guilt-prone that im not sure what to believe #what i do know for sure is that there is a lot shes holding back in terms of what shes told me #which i dint love tbh #personal

[ferdydurke]

I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.

#I dont feel like... safe or particularly fulfilled rn and i have major major mood swings at least once a week but its not like. #Bleak as fuck. I think the language of 'the world is without colour' never does it for me bc thats how id describe it when im out of it #but when im depressed my main feeling is that i am a person that was born without a soul whose main purpose in life is to kill myself #because i cant bear to do or think anything else. And like even talking about it while in that mental state feels incredibely like. #Like youre doing something disgusting because its a cry for attention or for help so you have to put it in a way that makes it clear that #you are not trying to escape your destiny by trying to convince someone you are worthy of living. #And then like. At some point you stop feeling like that and you forget about it... #until youre there again. and you forget what its like to not be in it. its crazyyyy to me its just crazy #barking #ultimately im very lucky. #Because i really dont believe you can just will yourself out of that hole i really think the enviroment is like 99% of it #and well i will prolly end up in that hole again maybe even this year. but maybe ill have something to pull me out #some ability to change the thing thats making me feel like that #and idk its so like. awful that that isnt always the case. sometimes youre just drowning in it and theres nothing #just my late night thoughts thats why i need that weed bad man

[spotsupstuff]

Read the snippet *cries*

That last writing with Tarrow is beautiful. In my mind was playing Farewell by Bernth and is was a struggle to not cry in public.

I just fell in love with Orion! I love his gentleness, how he just want to give comfort and just AHHHHHH!! That last paragraph just with the hope that Tarrow will see the family that still has is just gets me.

On the side note (and to laugh a little after that beautiful mini story), Crows still is a background character.

OOOOO hey i know that song!!! yeah i can imagine how that'd make it hard to exist in public with some dignity JGDLKJLCMKSL

hah, another Iterator found a way to worm its way into your heart JGKSLLCKMLKS stars, same- the gentleness but also in the contrast of what he's gone through, what that kindness and sweetness had to endure. and he's stern and strict and some would call him a little scary when he talks to them like to some soldiers- promising that if this time around (in the off string au) someone will be caught neglecting their responsibilities like some have done with Mission Self-preservation he will be able to deal with them Personally this time. Notos won't be the only thing they'll have to worry about now. and sometimes he's a little insensitive as a result of that trauma, too. but ultimately? oh gods, ultimately he only wants everyone to be okay and taken care of as they deserve

GSLJKMCKLS fucking Crows.... leave it to the One og character i have in Moon's group to do me a favor and stay as she is meant to be

#spot says stuff #rw #oc tag #i kno i say that all itties are sibs to me but like... i cant help but keep thinkin that the gen 1s keep tapping a lot into parental roles #heavens know boreas is kinda unapologetic about it. he doesnt say it but he Is a dad figure to euros notos n haboob. and he takes somewhat- #-some pride in that role. when it comes to sparrows he was kinda like that to her too in her og life but there was always some kind of- #-divide between them. it wasnt all that complete. orion takes a note of tarrows yearning for family and starts kind of looking for the- #-similarities of traits that an organic family is supposed to offer to a child and what the iterators can offer just by being themselves #like obviously the southern winds fill the little sisters role. sporadic p seamlessly takes on the role of a mom with her endless fussing- #-n care. fish Kind of taps into the role of a dad often but he isnt the type that can offer the certain... physical protection #n whats interesting here is that logically! orion fills that real well right? physical protection guidance in the physical n dangerous worl #yet he cant seem to see himself in such a place to her. hes a gen 1 he does have the parent feel! He was the one who guided all of the- #-groups iterators into life proper after they were turned online he was there to welcome them not zeph or boreas. Everyone has gone through #-orions hands like this except the anemoi. and *still* he cant. cant do that for tarrows #because hes so *deathly* afraid that he will approach her like a soldier rather than a person who needs to be handled a lil like a kid #he often does so already! unintentionally but he does n that cant be good for her!!!!!!! #so when tarrows n boreas finally make up n clear some things between each other when bee slides into the role of a dad subconsciously- #-n starts looking after tarrows as he Shouldve from the begining orion just goes 'oh thank gods. holy fuck. phew...'

[wickershells]

txt

#i am actually the worst person alive every now and then the weight of all the guilt and grief and humiliation really hits me #i am not liked at all and i keep eroding all of my remaining relationships and i have fucked up my life beyond repair and i am #truly never getting out of this cycle no matter what meds i take at what dosage or if i talk out my feelings or if i keep them inside #or if i get therapy or if i dont if i have friends if i dont if my family likes me if they dont if my dog is alive or if hes dead its just #me theres something broken in me no matter how hard i believe and try and hope and pray i just wont get better i always end up here #i have consistently been the worst most absent friend i have ruined everything ive touched i feel contagious im contagious #i cant expect people to keep loving me and i definitely cant expect them to keep saying it over and over when it isnt true and they dont #want to and people dont even ask if im alright anymore they already know im not and just dont care because how could they #i dont get better it would just weigh on them all the time and how fair is that really i wish no one had ever met me i wish i wish #i betray all my promises to myself and others and im so stupid im so dumb and i just. theres nothing at all in here #i cant stand the loneliness anymore but i dont deserve anything else. do you see #and its my fault people no longer care its all my fault im so alone. i feel so alone. no one can know me and love me and they will all #be fine they have everyone they need they have everyone they want. i am no one at all not even to myself #theres an abyss where my personhood should be #i have to leave i have to get out of here

[sendmyresignation]

truly nothing on this earth is more foul than supernatural familial abuse discourse but specifically the discourse people have about if sam or dean "had it worse" like ok cool you have already missed the point of this show very hard.

#the things ive seen in those trenches..... #its like actually their circumstances were based on their positionality in the family and the expectations each had #but on another level the discourse never truly explores what sams life was like as a child. hes either a spoiled brat or a martyr #in ways that make him one dimensional in ways fanon child dean just. isnt. #sam isnt just isolated. hes also controlled and surveilled. any wrong move (unbeknownst to him) proves to john hes irredeemable #like the center of john telling dean he might have to kill sam. is always dean like i feel crazy with how little consideration there is #toward the mental headspace of a guy whose whole childhood is suddenly warped by the realization his father suspected he was evil #and might need to be put down like a dog. and then. sam accepts this!!!! he truly believes is he Crosses A Line dictated by deans judgement #then oops oh well! because fundamentally sam has been conditioned to believe in his own inability to make decisions about himself #so the 'dean protects sam! dean keeps sam innocent and gave him a childhood' becomes much more insidious when u realize #that is one side of the coin wherein sam is under the complete authority of another person #and obv dean is not evil for that. its learned behavior!! #but instead of teasing out this reality when we learn what john told dean... it becomes aww poor dean :(( instead of a horrific glimpse int #the hierarchy of information and control fundamental to their relationship. guys its a cult. #my posts #spn