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fannyspammy · 1 year

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Butterflies

Adam Warlock x Reader

Summary: Adam has never felt the way he feels when he’s with you.

Warnings: none ! just a lotta fluff on fluff on fluff hehe hence the cheesy title. There aren’t really spoilers i think unless you count the location maybe? Idk it’s pretty general imo

A/N: watched gotg 3 twice over the weekend & im obsesseddd with this man lol. Might make this a series of firsts with Adam if yall would read it 👀 lmk if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters!

[not my gif]

He was built like a man — perfect in every way with his chiseled body & god-like strength — but he had the innocence of a child. And y/n loved that about him. He was the purest person she knew, embracing every new experience & every new discovery with such wonder. And she loved that she got to share so many firsts with him.

Y/n always smiled to herself when she remembered the first time he told her he had feelings for her. Or tried to, at least.

They were sitting in silence on a roof in Knowhere, people-watching. They’d come there every afternoon since meeting after the defeat of the High Evolutionary. Having lived in Knowhere with the Guardians before the attack (his attack, ironically), y/n knew all the spots for when you needed a moment alone, & when they’d met, she could tell he was someone who needed that space to just be.

So she introduced him to her spot, & they’d been coming ever since. But Nebula had needed their help with a few tasks that afternoon, so their daily retreat was pushed later into the evening. By this time, the community was out in the streets, dancing & playing & having fun. Music & laughter filled the air, & the faint scent of liquor presented itself as everyone began to drink the night away. It was getting late & y/n was getting tired, so she scooted closed & rested her head on his shoulder.

Y/n felt him tense at the initial contact, before quickly relaxing and melting into it, laying his head on hers. After a couple minutes he spoke.

“Y/n, I… feel something.. when I’m with you.”

She looked up at him without moving from her position, raising an eyebrow in confusion. “Hm?”

“Something.. warm. Tingly? I-I don’t really- how do I- it’s hard to explain…”

Y/n giggled at his flustered attempt to explain himself.

Adam sighed & tried again. “I.. care about you. A lot. But it’s different from the way I cared about my mother. Or Blurp. Like, I want to be with Blurp all the time & hug him & cuddle him, and I want to do the same with you, but in a different way. But I can’t explainhowit’sdifferentitjustknowthatits-”

“Adam!” y/n said with a laugh, stopping his rambling. She lifted her head from its resting place to look at him, amused. “Slow down!”

“See! When you smile at me like that I feel it!”

Y/n bit her lip to restrain the smile spreading across her face, her brows furrowed in thought.

“Can I try something?” She asked. Adam nodded.

“Do you feel it when I do this?” Y/n gently brushed a lock of hair away from his face. He nodded again, slower.

“What about.. this?” Y/n brought her hand down to his shoulder & dragged it down slowly to rest on his chest. She felt his heartbeat quicken.

“I feel it more now.”

Using her other hand, she grabbed his arm to raise it between them, and then placed her hand on his, gently interlacing their fingers. “This?”

His heartbeat quickened again and he nodded. A curious smile spread over his lips.

“I feel it right in my stomach.. almost like it’s.. like it’s fluttering. Like-”

“Butterflies.” Y/n said, finishing his sentence.

Adam nodded again, excitedly, like she’d just solved a puzzle he’d been stuck on for days. “Like butterflies!”

Y/n leaned in closer, resting their intertwined hands in his lap. “Adam, you like me,” she said with a teasing smile on her lips.

“Well yeah, you know I like you. I like most people. Except the ones I need to fight, which used to be you & our friends but now I like you guys.”

She chuckled and pressed her head against the nook of his neck, back resting on his chest, pulling his arm around her, fingers still locked together.

“No, Adam. I mean you like like me. Like, romantically.” She tapped his torso with her free hand. “That’s why you feel all warm and gooey inside when you’re with me, or when I touch you. You having feelings for me. Romantic feelings.”

“Romantic…,” he whispered to himself, then paused shortly. “Do you like me too? In the romantic way?”

Y/n felt his chest tense as his breathing hitched, anticipating her answer. He may not understand his feelings yet, but he knew he wanted her to feel the same way. She squeezed his hand softly in reassurance.

“Mhmm. I like you a lot.”

He eased beneath her & then was quiet for a moment, as if deep in thought, processing the new feeling he had just discovered.

Then he held her tighter, and she felt him smile as she melted into his embrace.

“I like liking you. It feels nice.”

#adam warlock #adam warlock x reader #adam x reader #will poulter #will poulter x reader #adam warlock imagine #will poulter imagine #gotg #guardians of the galaxy #guardians of the galaxy vol 3 #gotg 3 #gotg imagine #gotg vol 3 #gotg v3

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guavagyu · 1 year

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blush - y.jh

this is part 3 of the eyeshadow series!

request: “request: jeonghan fanfic where new stylist/makeup artist and jeonghan fall in love? slow burn, sexual tension, secret relationship typa thang ;) <3!”

smut probably next or 2nd next part? idk

ITALIC WORDS REPRESENT THOUGHTS!

[prev.] [next]

wc: 970

contents: slice of life ig, fluff, humor (im such a comedian el em eff ay oh), afab!reader, tall!reader (178 cm or 5’10), stylist!reader, makeup-artist!reader, model!jeonghan, swearing, non-idol!au, swearing, lmk if there r more!

recap:

yup. this is great. gotta clean. ugh why did i agree to my place?? you just decided to let later-you to worry about it and prepared for bed.

——

friday - y/n’s pov!

——

@hannie_hae:

hi! you still up for 3:00? :)

fuck. your phone read 2:17 pm. you had gotten distracted from all of your other friday endeavors, and jeonghan’s visit totally slipped your mind. you rushed to get off the couch, and begin to clean. you had until 2:30, and then you’d take the shortest shower of all eternity, and then hastily make yourself presentable. ‘A+’ for planning skills, a big fat ‘F’ for time management. and so, all that planning was what you did. you practically ran around your apartment with a vacuum whilst spraying the couches with leather cleaner. after grabbing two rags, one to wipe the tables and the couches down, you moved on to the mop for the kitchen. you clorox-wiped more than anyone had ever clorox-wiped. the clock read 2:27. wow, i probably broke some sort of record. so, you had an extra 2-ish minutes to waste in the shower. just kidding, you had to be as quick as possible, it’d be horrible for jeonghan to arrive before you were ready.

god damn, the clock read 2:54 and you were more finished than gordon ramsay’s beef wellington. your hair was dry, and looked amazing. your makeup was subtle, and your tshirt and sweatpants were..okay maybe not the best wardrobe choice, but it’s not like you’re visiting a 3 michelin star restaurant, allow yourself to be comfortable in your own home!

the clock just turned to 3:01 when jeonghan knocked on your door,

“hi! come in,” you smiled, silently relieved for him to be just as casual as you were. a black hoodie, grey sweatpants, and some sneakers. he gave you a small "hi!" and took off his shoes, "uh, you can sit on the couch, please make yourself at home! ill be right back, ill get some makeup stuff," you walked back to your bathroom while jeonghan unpacked the things he brought with him and settled down on the couch, looking around everywhere, tapping his fingers on the arm, waiting for your return. and a few minutes later, you returned with..a lot of makeup, to say the least,

"woah, that's a lot," jeonghan giggled, making you laugh,

"yeah,"

"um..how long do you think we'll need for all of this?" he asked,

"oh, we don't have to do all of this, just more options," you gave a small smile as you organized them into their respective categories,

"oh okay, i mean i have time, i was just curious, it's not that i dont want to be here i-" he rambled on, clearly a bit flustered, his ears and cheeks tinting an adorable pink,

"jeonghan, you're fine, let's just get on with it, alright?" you put your hand on top of his, calming him down a little bit,

"o-okay," he smiled, blushing harder but giving a small thumbs up, cute,

"awesome, where should we start? what concepts should we practice?" you looked through the outrageously large pile (that had been organized by you),

"let's start simple, maybe let's just work with colors for now, how about blue?" jeonghan suggested,

"whatever you feel like is fine by me," and you started on a simple blue themed look,

----

2 hours later, 5:09 pm

----

after 2 hours of trying out makeup looks, palettes littering the table, a pile of used makeup wipes in a trash can,

"alright, i think that's enough for your skin today," you smiled, noticing his reddening face, "did i do too much?"

"no no, you're fine, don't worry," jeonghan reassured you, giving the cutest giggle ever,

"okay, if you say so. can i get you some water or anything? we've been sitting for a while," you asked, realizing you forgot to offer when he first arrived,

"yeah, some water would be great!" he smiled, leaning back into the cushions,

"sure!" you headed to the kitchen, soon returning with a glass of water, "that good?"

"it's awesome, thanks!" ugh, is he always this cute? it makes me want to pin him down and- woah. that was, um, wow. that was quite the intrusive thought if i do say so myself. ha. ha. ha. during this thought segment of yours, you ended up zoning out..directly staring at jeonghan, causing him to be flustered, confused, then concerned. he thought there was something on his face, but after calling your name out a few times,

"hey, y/n?" he waved a hand in front of your face, knocking you back to reality,

"huh? what? im so sorry, just zoned out for a bit," you awkwardly laughed, flustered from your thoughts,

"you're good, but i think i'm going to head out now, thank you so much for having me over!" he smiled again, ugh that smile is going to kill me,

"no problem, anytime! make sure you don't forget anything here," you said as you prepared to open the door,

"yup, got everything, thanks again!" he gave the most adorable wave as he walked through the door, leaving, making you return to gather your makeup, put the trash can back, and collapse on the couch. you sigh, a smile settling on your face from what seemed to be a successful meeting. but..those thoughts you had were quite interesting.

jeonghan's pov!

holy shit. thank the lord i was able to leave before i had a meltdown. why did i think that me being close to y/n for so long would be okay for me to handle? wait..when they stared at me..were they actually starting at ME? or..did they actually zone out? fuck, why am i stuck with y/n? it's only sooner or later they find out about my dumbass crush on them

y/n's pov!

what the hell was i thinking? zoning out like that while staring at him? jeonghan probably thinks he’s stuck working with a creep. this is great.

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quietmyfearswith · 3 years

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new year’s day ; andy barber x fem!reader

status — completed oneshot

word count — 3,960 words

warnings — swearing, mentions of active sex life, SMUT, degradation, sir kink, choking, oral smut (receiving), fingering, unprotected penetrative sex (pls use protection), slapping, name calling, drinking champagne off of one’s body, fluff at the end?? porn without plot lol

pairing — andy barber x fem!reader

a/n — HAPPY NEW YEAR! im still high on my andy feels so yeah,, lmk what yoou think!

masterlist

“Fuckin’ hell my eyes hurt,” Y/N groaned out as she rubbed her palms on her eyelids, as if she was massaging the stress away. Rose could only chuckle at her friend’s distress, “Well I did warn you about how you shouldn't have gone to work today; you deserve to take a break once in a while you know?”

Cracking her knuckles once she was done rubbing her eyes, Y/N retorted, “Well it’s not like I had any New Year’s Eve plans so I decided why not go to work?” As she continued to torment her eyes with the light emitted from her desktop. Being her only real friend at the workplace, Rose took it as a responsibility to look after her; for she knew how she wasn’t really close with her family and her other closest friends were on the different side of the country. “Hey, I invited you to that party me and Agnes are going to!”

Tearing her straining eyes away from the screen, Y/N gave the brunette a pointed look, “You mean to say you invited me to party where I don’t know anyone but you and your girlfriend; which definitely guarantees that you’ll both leave me alone so you can fuck.”

Rose didn’t find it in herself to deny her allegation or defend her and her girlfriend’s active sex life; instead she could only give her a sheepish look as she joked, “Guess you’ve been spending too much time with Mr. Barber since you’re incredible at drawing conclusions and noticing patterns huh?” Seeing how much time she had spent with the mentioned lawyer over the past year, Y/N couldn’t help but nod and agree with her.

The soft chime of Rose's Favorite song rang and a cocky, “See! Can’t even wait an hour before you two get to be together,” was quickly being hushed by her friend. “Okay you have a point, we have a high sex drive — but can you blame us? And I need to leave early, stupid bitch burnt herself as she was baking.”

Chuckling without tearing her eyes away from the documents in front of her, Y/N greeted, “Yeah, yeah; don’t need to rub it in. Happy New Year’s Eve, babe.” Before heading to Mr. Barber’s office to sweetly ask to leave early, Rose went to where Y/N was seated and let their cheeks touch as their way of bidding adieu.

Andy was more than generous to allow Rose to leave the office early, “Go ahead and enjoy, you deserve it for being one of the few ones who chose to come in today,” He told her smiling form. Once she left his office, he loosened his tie and undid the top button of his button down shirt and let out a loud groan. Usually, this time last year he would be rushing to go home — if ever his work demanded his presence — in order to celebrate the New Year’s with his family. But now as he mourns the family he once had and lost it as his son was brutally killed by his ex-wife that had gone insane in disbelieving her son’s innocence was now serving prison for her crimes, he had nowhere to be.

After a couple of hours filled with silence and burying his head with paperwork, Andy noticed how there was a soft, melodious hymn coming from the other side of the office. The lawyer wasn’t necessarily alarmed, but he was curious about who was left working since there had only been 7 other people who decided to come in to work today; and to his knowledge they should have left by now.

He decided to check out who was left — but it really was an excuse to stretch his long, lean legs as he felt them cramping up a bit from being seated for too long — and was surprised to see the most diligent employee he’s ever met in his years of practicing law, “Ms. Y/N, what are you still doing here?”

Hearing his deep voice snapped her out of her concentration; seeing her boss in his less than organized state had her taken aback, “Oh Mr. Barber, I’m just doing some work on the Richards case.” Looking at the watch on his left wrist, he took note how it was a mere 15 minutes before the new year dawned on them. “No plans for the new year then?”

Deciding to test the waters she cracked a joke, “Are you talking about the holiday or the actual year? Because I have no plans for both.”Covering up her remark with a nervous chuckle, she was glad to see the older man wrinkle his eyes as he laughed out loud, “Well that makes the two of us; why don’t we grab a drink in my office?”

Eyes going wide and gasping silently, Y/N was pleasantly surprised at his offer but nevertheless nodded in agreement. Quickly shutting off her desktop, she moved out of her chair and decided to leave her footwear and floral kimono by her desk as she somewhat felt restricted by the light cloth. As she entered his post, she settled herself on the gray sofa he had placed near the office’s wall. Grabbing a bottle of champagne and a couple of glasses, Andy sat beside her then poured them a drink.

“Never pegged you as a champagne guy, Mr. Barber,” She thanked him as he handed her a glass which she took a sip of; letting out a small moan of appreciation at the taste, the sound causing Andy to cross his right leg on top of the left in an effort to conceal his erection. “Please, call me Andy,” He cleared his throat as he took a sip of the liquor, “And whiskey and bourbon are my usual choices of poison; but since it’s the New Year, figured this was more appropriate.”

Y/N surprised the man beside her by drinking all of the champagne in one go and placed the now empty glass on the coffee table in front of them before turning to his gobsmacked expression and giggled, “Sorry, really need that one.” With his hooded eyes watching her intently, he drank some of his before answering, “Don’t be Y/N, it was quite a show.”

She could feel her wetness dampen the panties she wore with how good her name sounded as it left his lips, “Don’t think I ever heard you call me by my first name before.” Worried he crossed the line he was quick to fumble out an apology; but quickly stopped as he felt her hand on his thigh, “It’s okay, I’m not mad or anything. I really like it, actually,” She trailed off once she noticed how he seemed to have let out a quiet, but aroused purr. Tilting her head to the side with an amused expression plastered on her face, “You alright, Andy?”

Years of practicing law and appearing in courtrooms taught him not to lose composure; but with a simple touch and mention of his name had Andy forgetting how to remain calm and collected. But can you fucking blame him when the girl who walks around with so much grace and confidence — who also happens to be the subject of his filthy fantasies — is so close to him that he can almost feel her warmth piercing through his long-sleeved shirt. In that moment, he wasn’t sure if it was a wise or dumb decision to discard his suit jacket, but as their arms touched and he felt a surge of electricity run through his veins, he thought of himself as a fucking genius.

“I am, yeah,” Deciding to test the waters, he grabbed her hand that rested on her thigh and intertwined their fingers together; when she made no attempts at removing her hand from his he smirked, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but something tells me you want more than just this champagne I offered.”

Feeling her inhibitions disappear, she gave him a smirk of her own as she untangled her hands from his, “Well, I do want some more champagne,” Her finger was now tracing his lips as she moved to sit closer until she was now straddling his lap, “Maybe taste it from your lips?”

Silently, Andy brought the glass to his lips and downed the remaining sparkling drink; his free hand settled itself on the back of her neck, pulling her close to him until her lips touched his. As he bit her bottom lip, she opened her mouth and moaned out loud as she felt the alcoholic beverage enter her mouth. Both her hands caressed his bearded cheek as she drank up every last drop that he offered her. Groaning out loud when his mouth was now devoid of the drink, he let his tongue enter her mouth and asserted his dominance; something she willingly conceded to him. His hand on her neck traveled lower and rested on her bum, squeezing the soft flesh which emitted more moans from her.

“Been dreaming about this for so long,” His staff silently, mindlessly let out as she kissed him desperately. “Is that so?” He asked once he broke away their kiss, Y/N whined at the loss of his lips and confused with his question. Chuckling at her groggy state he squeezed both her cheeks with one hand, forcing her to focus on him and answer his question, “You said you’ve been dreaming about this, baby. Is that what you daydream about at work? Me fucking you so hard your dumb brain can’t even think straight?”

Letting out a pathetic whine, she could only nod her head enthusiastically, “Want that so fucking bad, sir.” He felt his cock harden even more at the title she called him; but he wasn’t even done with teasing her yet. “And that fantasy will come true; but first, stand up and strip for me, baby,” With a soft smack on her cheek, she stood up quickly and unzipped her dress. Andy watched her present her body for him as he poured another glass for himself.

Resting on the arm rest was the hand with the sparkling champagne, while the other was palming his erection as watched her push her dress down to the floor. “No bra? Just that poor excuse of underwear?” He moaned out as he observed the fabric that parts at the middle, teasing the paradise that awaits for his cock.

Lowering her gaze, as if bashful, at his filthy remarks before resuming her previous position of sitting on his lap with her hands moving to unbutton his button down. “Such an impatient little thing, aren’t you?” He clicked his tongue at her; to which she pouted as she stared at him with want written on her face, “I’m sorry, sir. What do you want me to do?”

“Ride my thigh like the slut you are, baby,” He commanded her without even thinking about it, which turned her on even more. Situating herself on his thick, lean thigh she moaned out loud as the fabric of her thong added even more friction. She began to ride him with slow but sharp movements, throwing her head back when she felt her wetness taint the fabric of his slacks, “How does it feel, baby?”

“Good, so good,” Her broken cries turned him on even more as he sipped on the champagne, enjoying the tingle it left on his tongue. “Do you trust me, baby?” Surprised at his question, she opened her eyes to look at him, her hip movements not faltering one bit. Upon seeing how serious he was she answered, “I do, Andy. I trust you.”

With a smirk, he then tipped the glass just above her breasts, allowing the liquid to run from her collarbones and down to her breasts. Gasping out loud when Andy runs his tongue on her skin, following the trail that the champagne took, “Don’t stop grinding on me, love,” He reminded her as his lips drank the liquid that landed on her nipple — subsequently sucking on the pebble-like flesh. Seeking purchase on his dark hair, Y/N continued rubbing herself on his thigh — his assault on her breast encouraging her to ride him even harder and faster.

“Time to drink some more,” Andy huskily spoke out as he poured some more of the beverage on her opposite breast causing the girl to stiffen a bit as she was taken aback by the sudden coolness on her breast. His tongue flattened against her skin, now more focused on kissing every inch of her skin instead of drinking up the liquor. His hand held her breast firmly, raising it a bit so he could suck on it and slurp the booze.

“Fuck, the champagne tastes even incredible on you, baby,” HIid praise got her flustered and she could only whine as she felt herself getting closer. “I’m so close, sir. Can I cum, please?” She fluttered her eyes at him sweetly, hoping he’d show her mercy; but his wicked smile and wink got her thinking she’d be shown the opposite of it. “Not yet, baby,” He was quick to shut her wails up with a smack on her breast, “Sit down on the sofa, baby.”

Even though she denied him her release, she followed his orders without a complaint — working with him provided her a clear picture of what happens when you don’t follow Andy’s orders, and it didn’t end well for everyone involved. As she sat down, she watched as the lawyer placed his glass on the table and reached for the bottle; poured some on her pussy. Y/N watched closely as Andy licked her clit, down to her hole. Without tearing his eyes away from hers, he inserted his tongue in her and tried to reach as far as his long tongue can go. “So good, Andy,” She grabbed onto his hair, pushing his face closer to her. The man was quick to smack her thigh, causing her to press her thighs more into his frame, “You know what to call me,” He warned.

“Sir,” She panted out, “Feel so good, sir.” Pleased with that, he rewarded her by rubbing his right thumb on her clit, making her moan even louder. Loving her blissed out sounds of pleasure, Andy began licking her ferociously; he drank up all of the champagne he poured and all the juices she had to provide. He inserted his left pointer and middle finger in her, taking her aback with the sudden simulation. Her thighs were shaking with how good he was making her feel, too weak to even grab onto his hair and her arms were now limp on her sides, “Sir, please! I’m so fucking close, please let me cum.”

Without tearing his mouth and hands from her he replied, “Then cum on my fucking tongue, you slut,” The vibrations adding more to the pleasure she felt. After a few more thrusts of his fingers, kitten licks of his tongue, she felt apart with a scream. Her thighs wrapped themselves around his shoulders, squeezing him so tight that she felt his beard tickle her delicate skin. Andy pulled out his fingers that were in her, replacing them with his tongue so he can gather all of her juices and drink some of them in. “You taste like fucking heaven, baby,” He groaned as he parted from her pussy, his fingers pushing her juices back inside her so he could use it as lube.

“Wanna kiss you, sir,” Her fingers touched the patch of facial hair above his lips, surprised with how it had her juices. Andy complied, giving her a brief, but sweet kiss. “Want you on your hands and knees, baby. Hold on to the back of the sofa okay?” Y/N couldn’t help but feel mushy with how gentle he was bossing her around — when she knew his next actions would be far from gentle.

Holding on to the back of the sofa, she used it to steady herself on her knees, bending slightly so she could arch her back to accentuate her ass. Andy quickly discarded his clothes before rubbing her pussy again and pushed some of her juices in, before entering in her pussy in one go. His forehead rested on her back as he groaned out, “Fuck baby you’re so tight. Been a while huh?” Anchoring himself on her hips, he slid in and out of her at a steady pace.

Y/N moaned out loud as she felt the back of her thighs meet Andy’s hips; he was thrusting into her with no remorse. Her hand travelled to her breast, switching between pinching the nipple or pulling on it. Grabbing her hair with one hand, the bearded man pulled her so her back was pressed firmly against his chest. You’d think that this would give Andy a difficult time to rut into her but it didn’t; instead it just made him drive his cock in her harder and faster, falling into a drum-like rhythm.

“Why are you fucking touching yourself, slut?” Feeling his breath on her ear turned her on more than she cared to admit and she couldn’t even string together a coherent response since the tip of his dick pushed into her g-spot, causing her to moan out loud. “You’re such a fucking mess that you can’t even think straight huh?”

Nodding pathetically was all the response Y/N could offer as she clawed on to Andy’s toned arms; the lawyer then decided to go all the way with his fun by wrapping his big hand around her neck, applying gentle pressure. “You don’t mind this do you, sweetheart?” Shaking her head no, Andy then smiled as he put more force on the sides of her neck as he rammed his cock in her until the tip of his cock repeatedly hit her bundle of nerves that made tears leave her eyes with how good everything felt. The other hand that wasn't wrapped around her throat then lowered itself on her clit, rubbing the hardened nub.

“If only you knew how hard you got me every time you came to work with a tight skirt or pants,” He breathed out against her ear, tickling her with his breath, “Giving me a perfect view of the shape of your ass,” And to emphasize his point he thrust so hard until his cock was all the way in and spanked her ass. “Walking around the office with so much fucking confidence,” He recalled the time wherein she called out an officemate for talking lewdly about her — that caused him to jerk one off in the office bathroom. “But now you’ve been reduced to a dumb cock hungry whore for me,” She wailed out in agreement as his hand squeezed her throat so tight to the point she was now gasping for breath as his other hand wrapped around her tit, loving the weight and feel of it on his hand, grabbing onto it to move it up and down his hand.

“Are you gonna cum again, baby? Gonna cum around my thick cock?” He could feel her walls clinging on to his cock even more, making it difficult to thrust in her but he was determined to keep on sliding his cock in and out. “Yes, so close, please let me cum,” She trailed off as he abandoned his hold on her tit and throat and returned to her hips so he could maneuver her and ram his cock swiftly and harder. “Cum then you, slut. Let me feel you milk my cock,” Was all the permission she needed before she dug her nails into his forearms as came with a scream, “Thank you, sir!”

Even as she was cumming, Andy thrust in and out of her; though his thrusts weren’t as powerful and quick. Once he felt her spasms die down, he slid all the way inside her and came with a groan. They both could feel his cock twitch as it released his load inside her, filling her up with his hot semen. Littering kisses on her back, Andy could feel his regular breathing return — as was hers.

Carefully, Andy pulled out of her, “Can you stand up for a bit, baby?” She nodded and stood up from her position, the lawyer guiding her to sit by the arm rests. Still stuck in her post-orgasm haze, she watched as he moved the coffee table away and transformed his sofa into a bed. Grabbing the spare bed sheet, blanket, and pillows he kept in the office — in case he had to spend the night in the office — he quickly made the bed before he helped Y/N to lay down with him, wrapping the blanket over their naked bodies.

“How you feeling?” It was amazing how he had a quick change of demeanor; Y/N was lazily tracing over Andy’s face with her finger, making the most out of this intimate moment. “Feel good, really good. Always wanted someone to fuck me the way you did.”

Her curt response had him chuckling, loving the way she was being open with him and the way she traced over his features. “Well I’m glad I fulfilled this fantasy of yours.”

Suddenly, Y/N felt small and insecure; was this a one time thing? Just something to release his frustrations and a fantasy of hers that's been fulfilled? Furrowing her eyebrows, she failed to mask her worry as she wondered, “So this is just a one time thing then?”

Hating what she just said, Andy kissed the wrinkle in between her eyebrows as he spoke, “I don’t want it to be. I really want to be with you; if you’ll have me, of course.” A small smile rested on her lips as her eyes brightened up, “I’d want that and you. You’re so amazing, Andy. I admire your strength, resilience, and determination. For someone who could easily give up in life you choose to carry on and look forward to what the future holds. It’s just a bonus that you have a thick cock and know how to use it.”

Her small speech had him chuckling and kissing her nose, pulling her close against him, “What I said earlier was true; I love how you walk around the office like you own the place. You take no shit from people and do your job damn well. Plus, I love your music taste as well.”

Grinning at him she jeered, “Wow can’t believe you still sweet talk your way even if it’s not in a courtroom setting.” Andy laughed at her retort and just grazed his fingertips on her sides, tickling her so he can hear her giggle. Once both their laughter died down, their lips met for a sweet, passionate kiss. “We have quite a mess to clean up tomorrow, Andy,” Y/N reminded him as she referred to the champagne bottle, glasses, their clothes, and his sofa bed — their whole situation, really.

“I don’t care,” He whispered as smiled at her, feeling so much lighter and better having been haunted by his personal demons for so long, “I don’t mind doing anything as long as it’s with you.”

Her heart fluttered with his simple statement; she was then reminded of the new year countdown. Reaching out for his wrist, she checked the time and noticed how a few minutes had passed 12. “Happy new year, Andy,” She greeted him with a peck on his lips.

A short, sweet kiss was returned to her as he planted his lips on hers again — quickly getting addicted to her, “Happy new year, baby. Can’t wait to spend this year with you by my side.”

#quietmyfearswith #andy barber fanfic #andy barber angst #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x reader #andy barber x reader #andy barber x female reader #andy barber x fem!reader #andy barber smut #andy barber fluff #andy barber x reader smut #andy barber x reader fluff #andy barber x reader angst

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a-deadly-serenade · 3 years

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overall this season was pretty decent. i have some thots whats new so im gonna share them below the cut if anyone’s interested :)

so!! first off i’ll say that there were a lot of things i did really enjoy from season 4!

the action was super fun as always!! i loved all the crazy enemies and callbacks! the skeleton fight and all those little goblins they kept killing throughout were a nice touch ;) sypha’s use of her powers is INSANE her ice-chainsaw?? her WALL of fire?? electric balls?? come on. and the animation was NICE. i really wanna know who did most of the fight scenes bcuz the style is so different and it just POPS but in a really good way?

my favorite fight has to be ofc when everyone is REUNITED yes im basic. but the THEME song going off and well, im a whore for sotn references and i CAME when i saw the leap stone ref w the winged cape or when alucard turned into a hoard of batss AND THEN HIS WOLF FORM OOOOHH BABY!!! actually episode 9 is just a straight banger.

STRIGAAA. STRIGA. oh mama i was sweating during that fight. mad kudos to her va for them growlsss

carmilla vs isaac was a lot of fun and i loved the visuals but my hype was instantly ruined when i saw her kill herself 😭but thats smth i’ll complain about later.

not all the lines were bangers, some of sypha’s swearing seemed even a bit too much at times, and it was especially jarring to be having a face-to-face death-math with literal Death and hes acting like a naughty little 5 year old thats just learnt to swear. maybe cut back on the fuck-isms? just a bit? BUT when they hit they did GOOD. “the fuck what now?” yes

ISAAC. you weren’t in this season as much but man do u still shine through. i loved his introduction back in the town where he has his night creatures digging graves and rebuilding the city 😭 and then the conversation he shares w his flyman?? obsessed.

Hector chopping his finger off and giving lenore and carmilla a good ol FUCK YOU!! as he helps isaac. we love to see it

Trevor and Sypha’s “I love you!” “I know.” <3

DEATHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

oh! alucard actually having a story & purpose in the plot? :) luv it love to see it. that being said... the Plot.

its... ok? it’s kind of split up into 3/4 parts, as the story progresses, one eventually merges with several of the others kind of? cohesively? while leaving the other to sort itself out.

now, i didnt have too many qualms with it, it was pretty straight forward. dracula is going to be resurrected and we have sypha and trevor looking in on it, while alucard helps the nearby village and hector and isaac go on about bringing on their inevitable showdown. however, the way the story was paced and some of the decisions they made... werent so great.

st. germain for example, brought the ENTIRE momentum from the last few episodes to a halt. you have sypha and trevor fighting through heaps and heaps of monsters only to find themselves back in Targoviste where they meet the mysterious Zamfir!! and Alucard!! he’s been asked to help save this village!! all jam-packed with crazy action and animation that leaves you fired up!! and then episode 5 comes to a screeching halt and we spend nearly the entire thing on st. germain’s backstory and explaining his motives for the rest of the season

like. imma be real with you chief: he didnt need to be here lol. you could have just left varney as the main vamp in charge of bringing back big daddy drac and he could reveal to his.. idk henchmen or something that he’s death. but u gotta fill them ten 20 minute slots somehow!! he just fell so flat and unfortunately, a lot of the side-characters suffer from this this season.

i enjoyed great and zamfir, i love their desgins esp, but they really could have been fleshed out more. zamfir is shown as nothing but a spoiled brat the majority of the time she’s on screen but they wait till she’s about to die to try and turn her character around? huh? greta is given a bit more screentime but this sudden confession of feelings in the last episode felt so... huh?? why couldnt she just be dedicated to her people and show that u can love someone w/out necessarily being their partnr? i thot that was her whole thing; taking care of her people. it’s like. where did this come from. they cant have known each other more than a week at most dog 😭

it sucks they dedicated to much time to scenes that didnt really need to be there where we could have gotten this proper development, like maybe have a scene zamfir and sypha connect over struggles they’ve dealt with in the past and that has her open up about how traumatizing dracula’s attack on her city was. u could have expanded upon her role in the court and WHY she worshipped the monarchy so much instead of making it a throwaway gag about her being “crazy”. but why have that when we could instead spend the first 5 minutes of said episode watching a monotonous back-and-forth b/w varney and that big burly russian vampire who’s name im sure mor than 98% of the audience cant even remember?

just a lot of fat that needed to be trimmed so that the actual MEAT of the story could be slow cooked to perfection. people really arent kidding when they say less is more.

another big problem i had was there... i dont even know what to call it, re-humanization? redemption? of Lenore. like lmk if im wrong but she manipulated hector, yeah? coerced sex to slip on that ring that binds him to her?? orr whatever weird shit warren’s into. but the way they interacted, ESPECIALLY in their first major scene together was sooo uncomfortable to watch lol at first i thought perhaps hector was only playing along because well. hes enslaved to do her and carmilla’s bidding. but no, he actually LIKES her. he spares her when isaac comes around, he says that he wants to keep her as his own. and in the meantime, lenore finds time to complain to a man that’s been beaten and enslaved how upset it makes her that carmilla got angry at her 😭 or says thats she tired of isaac keeping tabs on her and wants to escape this ‘cage’. to aman thats literally been imprisoned since youve known him 😭her death is seen as peaceful, calm, they even try and tug at ur heartstrings by swelling this sad, dramatic music as the sun rises. really? LENORE?

and carmilla’s death happened WAYY too early imo. she was the villain for practically 3 seasons and this is how she goes? isaac couldnt get more than a stab at her? his night creatures couldnt take a nibble? HECTOR couldnt even be given a chance to do somethng like come on

the resolution was... strange? it was cute!! and happy!! but i dunno if they really needed to have lisa and vlad coming back, but, like i said; it was cute! definitely not the ending i was expecting.

i’m glad that they put their focus back on what made the show so much fun and that was the FIGHTS. they definitely helped add some much needed spice to things when scenes started to drag, but im a gal that really luvs a good story and even though reviews were raving that this season helped closed the lid on all the themes theyd been exploring, i just didnt really see that. which isnt necessarily a BAD thing, i knew i wasnt gonna find some deep introspective themes in this hack n slash horror-fantasy, its just what can turn somethng like this from an ok show to a GREAT one.

in the end, im glad they stopped at this one and im curious to see if they really DO go ahead on making spin-offs. bcuz unfortunately, i will always be down for som new castlevania content

#cv4 #this is REALLY long #and BRIMMING with spoilers #so read at ur own discretion #otherwise ty for spending ur valuable time to hear what a random sob like me has to say <3

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s3r-en-d1p-ity · 4 years

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just friends - t. chalamet x reader

been getting in my Timmy feels lately and haven’t posted in a hot minute since I keep procrastinating so here’s a timmy imagine

pairing: platonic!timothée x platonic!reader

warnings: lil angst, mentions of drugs, just some platonic fluff and some swearing

part 2 , part 3

You and Timothée met years ago, back in 2015. He was 19 and you were 17. You ran into each other at an awards show and clicked. You knew from the moment you started talking that there would be a friendship.

As time passed, you got closer and closer until you were inseparable. Only a few months after you met, you had opened up to him.

“My dad’s been in jail for 10 years,” You shrugged, sliding down the wall next to Timothée, who had his back pressed against the door and his legs spread out wide in front of him.

He looked over at you, with curious eyes. He wanted to ask, but didn’t want to pry. You noticed the look, and smiled sadly. “He killed my mom.”

His breath got caught in his throat, and he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have much to say, and he didn’t want to pity you. So he just grabbed your hand that was resting on your knee and scooted closer to you.

He didn’t treat you different, or give you pity, and you admired that. You knew there was something different about the boy.

You were a singer, and he was an actor. So obviously, your lives were very different and you both had very different schedules that made it hard to see each other. Especially when you were on tour and he was shooting in a completely different place. There was a whole month where you didn’t get to talk to each other because your time zone differences were constantly switching and when you were up, he was asleep and when you were asleep, he was up. But when you got to talk again, it was like nothing had changed.

The longest you went without seeing each other was 9 months. Those 9 months were hell, but you were proud of Timmy because he had gotten one of his biggest movie roles yet and he was proud of you because you sold out every single show on your tour.

The doorknob to your apartment jiggled, and you sat up warily because the only person who had a key to your apartment was Timmy.

Timmy.

You jumped up, at the same time he opened the door. There he was, in all his glory, your best friend. He closed the door behind him and smiled at you.

“Long time no see, stranger.” He joked. It took you a minute to fully comprehend what was happening, but once you did, you were running across the room and jumping onto him.

He stumbled back a bit, but hugged you back tightly. He squeezed you and lifted you up off the ground, burying his face in your neck. It gave him a sense of home, and made him smile.

“You told me you weren’t coming home for another 3 weeks.” You mumbled, your hands clenching the back of his shirt.

“Ended filming early,” He replied. “Took the first plane back.” His curly hair tickled your cheek and you smiled. You didn’t realize how much you missed Timmy’s hugs and the way he clung to you so tightly.

You think that maybe that’s when you realized you had a little crush on Timothée.

Yeah. Had. As in, after a while you realized how much that would ruin your friendship and pushed your feelings away. Eventually, it worked.

You’re glad it worked, because a few months later, Timothée got a girlfriend. Her name was Reilyn.

He spent all of his time with her. You thought back a few months ago, and thanked God you didn’t still have feelings for him, because if you did, you’d be crushed to death.

At first, you didn’t mind. You were happy Timmy was happy. Then, he started ignoring your calls and ditching your plans to hang out with her. You let it slide for a while, but when he showed up 3 hours late to your birthday party, you brought it up.

He defended Reilyn, of course. And that started one of your biggest and only fights.

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You woke up to your bed sinking. You were a light sleeper, always had been. The slightest noise or touch woke you up.

You groaned, shifted around and opened your eyes to see Timothée sitting at the side of your bed. “Hi,” He whispered. You didn’t respond, just stared up at him.

Then your mind replayed the events of the past 2 days, and you wanted to crawl in a hole and die. “What do you want? I just want to sleep right now.” You grumbled, burying your face back in your pillow.

“You’re naked.” He noted, his eyes running over your bare back, not covered by the sheets.

“No shit, sherlock.” You scoffed, mad at him. “I had a guy over. I asked him to leave.”

Timothée was silent for a while. For a second, you thought he had left. Then you heard his soft breathing. “You called me a lot yesterday and today. What’s wrong?”

Anger bubbled in your stomach, and you clenched your fist around the sheets. “It doesn’t concern you anymore. You were with Reilyn.” You spat, not bothering to hide the venom in your voice.

“I’m sorry, y/n/n. My phone’s been shut off, it was our year anniversary. Please, just tell me what’s wrong.” He pleaded, his hand finding your back.

You didn’t respond. You didn’t want to think about it, or talk about it. You’d be reliving it all over again, and that’s the last thing you wanted. Timothée pulled the covers over you, pushed you over, and crawled into your bed. He turned you so you were facing him and froze when he saw the tears in your eyes.

“Please.” He sighed, gripping your forearm. You gulped, looking away from him.

“Josh called me yesterday.” You started. Josh was your brother. After your mom died, your then 15-year-old brother decided you guys should go live with your aunt, here in California. He began using drugs, more and more as time passed.

“oh.” Timothée breathed out. He met him once. He was worried for the dude, because he looked like he would collapse any second. In all honesty, Timothée didn’t have any words. He felt guilt piling up because he wasn’t there for his best friend.

“I met him at a cafe. For a while, it was small talk. Then he asked me for money. Of course he asked me for money. He told me it was for gas, but him and I both knew I wasn't buying that. I left after and that’s when I called you. And you didn’t pick up. Then, later that night, I got a call from the hospital and they told me he OD’d. That’s the second time I called you. I went to the hospital, waited for 3 hours to get at least some information, and I was on the verge of a panic attack, that’s the 3rd time I called you.

Two hours later, when I went home to shower and get him some clothes, I came back and the doctor told me he discharged himself. I tried to get a hold of him for 3 more hours, looked through all of the sketchiest streets in L.A. for him, then gave up and went back to my apartment only to find it trashed and Josh asleep in my bathtub. I called you. When he woke up, we got in a huge fight and he took cash from my wallet and left. At least a couple hundred bucks. Then I called you again. So I called Jack over, we fucked, and then I asked him to leave. Then I called you for the last time, and went to bed.” You ended, turning away from him.

“I’m so sorry, y/n.” He croaked out, and you knew he was crying. You wanted to yell at him, wanted to scream at him, and wanted to blame Reilyn, but you weren’t like that. So you didn’t do it, and let him hold you and tell you he was sorry.

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You walked into your dressing room, breathing heavily. Another night, another show. You found Timothée on the floor. His back was resting against the couch, and he was playing with a rubix cube. He looked up when you closed the door behind you.

“Hey superstar.” He laughed. “Amazing show.”

You smiled, walking over to him. He pulled you down, right between his legs. You let your back rest against his chest and put your head on his shoulder. His arms wrapped around your middle. “Seriously, you did great.”

A couple days after the whole fiasco where Timo didn’t answer his phone, he broke up with Reilyn. You felt guilty but he assured you it was for the best and that it wasn't your fault at all. That was almost 5 months ago. You were back on tour and Timmy wasn’t shooting so he was able to come to a lot of your shows.

Your fingers drummed on Timmy’s knee absentmindedly. Times like these made time go so fast, but slow down at the same time. You felt at home, a haze over you that only Timmy could make you feel. In a strictly platonic way, you reminded yourself. “Timmy?” You mumbled, grabbing his knee.

“Yes?” He replied, muffled by your hair.

“I love you. Thank you for being there for me, always.�� You sighed, feeling his arms squeeze you and his lips press to the back of your head.

“I love you more, y/n/n.”

sorry. really wanted something to post and low-key wanted to make this a little series where she realizes her feelings are coming back but I wanted to see if people liked this first. also, im a new writer so sorry if this is crappy ahahaha

if u want to see a lil series for this lmk and i’ll try and make it happen without procrastinating :)

#timothee chalamet #timothee smut #timothee chalamet imagine #timothee imagine #timothee #timothée chalamet icons #timothee fanfic #timothee chalamet fanfic #timothee chalamet x reader #Timothee chalamet angst

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lucacangettathisass · 4 years

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how the light gets in (ch. 8)

SUMMARY: After your home is ransacked by a group of strange men, you and your cousin are taken in by a group of outlaws. And that’s when the trouble really starts.

PAIRINGS: John Marston x Fem!Reader, Arthur Morgan x Fem!Reader

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN

TAGGING: @mountainhymn if you would like to be added to the tag list just lmk!

NOTES: so sorry for the slow update! ive been doing some full on hours at work (my manager literally told me that im doing full time hours despite being part time lmao rip) so that’s been leaving me a little drained lmao but hey at least we got there!

more mentions of low self esteem, those are gonna be a lot more prevalent from here on out actually.

on another note, i’ve been wondering if i should rewrite this as an oc fic rather than a reader one. thoughts? i might not even do it, but im curious to hear what you guys think.

anyways, hope you all enjoy! and dont forget, likes are nice but reblogs are what motivate creators the most!

p.s. pls check out waking up slow by mountainhymn!!!! it is so wonderful im still crying

“Well, it really all started with my momma.” You felt yourself begin to fidget and made an effort to stand completely still. “She got a job working for a wealthy Russian widow, Mrs Zamolodchikova.”

Mr Morgan let out a low whistle. “Now that’s a name.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “A lot of Russian names are like that. As I was saying, she hired my momma to be a maid when I was still very young. Mrs Zamolodchikova treated us very well, we even lived in a little cottage she had on her land.”

Despite all the years that had passed, you still thought of that cottage fondly. It had been small and not impressive by any means, but it had been your home for most of your childhood. You had a lot of good memories of it.

“I...I lost my momma when I was seven.” Even now, twelve years later, it hurt to say. Your mother had been your whole world, everything began and ended with her, and it had never once occurred to you when you were a child, that you would one day have to face the world without her. She loved you too much to do that to you. And then it happened anyway.

You had never experienced a heart break like it before, or since.

“I’m very sorry to hear that.” Mr Matthews said gently.

“It’s alright.” You assured him, trying to speak around the lump that always formed in your throat whenever you thought about losing your mother. “She had been ill for as long as I could remember, it was only a matter of time.”

“I imagine your aunt and uncle took you in?”

“They wanted to, but Mrs Zamolodchikova stepped in. She said that she saw it as her Christian duty to take me in as a ward, and that’s what I became.” It had stunned you at the time to learn that Mrs Zamolodchikova cared for you that much. You would always be grateful for her kindness, it had changed your life. “She had no children of her own, so I think she wanted me to fill that gap.”

“That was very kind of her.” Mr Matthews sounded surprised, and you supposed that it made sense. You couldn’t imagine that he had come across many people willing to take in the child of an employee, particularly among the rich. You certainly had never seen such a thing in your time among them.

You nodded in agreement. “She taught me etiquette and how to behave in upper class circles, and as I got older I became her companion. That was how I met Mr Cornwall.”

A spark appeared in Mr Van Der Linde’s eyes, and you knew that you really had his full interest now. “How did that come about?”

“He was looking for investors in his business, he was just starting out you see, and he needed some capital.”

“So he went to Mrs Zamolodchikova?” Mr Van Der Linde asked. “She must’ve been rather rich.”

“Exceedingly so.” You said. “Her family is very old Russian money, and when she came to America with her husband, her wealth only grew, even after he died. I imagine Mr Cornwall thought that if he could convince her to invest, he would have an easy time of building his empire.”

“Did he?” Mr Van Der Linde’s eyes sparkled with a kind of devious curiosity, the kind most often found in children. “Convince her to invest that is.”

“I’m afraid not. Mrs Zamolodchikova found him rather...disagreeable.” A part of you still cringed on the inside just thinking about that meeting. It had started off well, and Mr Cornwall had certainly been polite enough, but once his true character came out, it all started to go downhill rather rapidly.

“In what way?”

You hesitated slightly. “Well, I mean, one doesn’t wish to disparage others when they don’t have the opportunity to defend themselves.”

A chuckle came from Mr Van Der Linde, and you even saw a corner of Mr Morgan’s mouth twitch.

“We just want your honest opinion, that’s all.” Mr Matthews assured you. “No need to be disparaging.”

You paused, trying to think of the right way to phrase it. “Mr Cornwall...well, Mrs Zamolodchikova and I found him to be rather...brusque and arrogant. When Mrs Zamolodchikova turned down his request, he got rather upset and he seemed to take it as a personal affront.”

“She must’ve grown to regret that.” Mr Van Der Linde mused.

“Not at all. Mrs Zamolodchikova was happy for him of course, but she was also happy she rejected him. She said she couldn’t imagine being in business with someone so...tasteless.”

“Tasteless in what way?” Mr Matthews asked.

“Well he was...very new money.” When you saw the looks of confusion on the mens’ faces, you tried to think of a better way to phrase it. “He was something of a show off, and a little gaudy. He wore a lot of gold, I imagine to try and impress, but it came off as vain and rather insecure. Mrs Zamolodchikova was very critical of that kind of thing, and when she saw how self aggrandizing he became after his success, she grew to dislike him even more.”

Mr Van Der Linde nodded slowly, and you could almost see the wheels turning in his head. “It sounds like you’ve lead a rather interesting life.”

“I suppose you could say that.” Your eyes roamed over the two older men again. “I imagine that wasn’t the kind of information you wanted, my apologies Mr Van Der Linde.”

Despite your fears, the black haired man smiled and waved a hand. “It’s fine Miss [Last name]. I was just curious, that’s all. Javier, why don’t you walk her back to where she’s staying?”

“Sure thing boss.”

You turned to leave with Mr Escuella, but you hesitated just as he put a hand on the door knob. “Wait.” All eyes were back on you, and you felt yourself flush, but you felt that you needed to get this out. “I just-I just wanted to add that Mr Cornwall is a very powerful man, and in my opinion, and in the opinion of mutual acquaintances that he and I share, he is lead more by pride and ego than wisdom. He doesn’t take insults lightly and can be rather harsh.” You were very careful and deliberate with your words, not wanting to seem like you knew better, but still wanting to convey your feelings of apprehension.

Mr Van Der Linde raised an eyebrow, and you got the feeling that he understood what you were trying to say. “Duly noted Miss.”

You nodded, and turned back to Mr Escuella, this time actually following him outside.

“You must’ve lived a pretty good life for a while.”

You shrugged and felt yourself blush heavily. “I suppose.” It always somewhat embarrassed you, knowing how different your life had been from other people, especially those who were born into the same class as yourself. “I honestly just think I got lucky.” You looked down at your feet. “Don’t feel so lucky now though.”

A heavy silence hung between you two, and you had to bite the inside of your cheeks to stop yourself from crying.

“Sorry.” You said softly. “I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my woes.”

“It’s ok.” Mr Escuella assured you, his voice kind again. “Considering everything you’ve been through, I’d say you have a right to let your feelings out.”

You looked at Mr Escuella in surprise. You hadn’t really thought about it like that. “You’re very kind.” You said sincerely. “Sadie might not think so but I certainly do.”

That brought a bright smile to Mr Escuella’s face, which made you smile in turn. You always enjoyed making people smile, it made you feel good, and you felt that it proved that you were useful and worth something for once.

“You’re a sweet kid.” Mr Escuella’s eyes were shining, although you couldn’t hazard a guess as to why. “Don’t let anyone beat that out of you, ok?”

“I-Ok.” You weren’t sure how else you should respond, being so unused to compliments from strangers. You watched as he held the door to the house with the other women open. “Are you not coming in?”

“Nah.” He smiled. “You stay warm ok?”

“Of course, and you as well Mr Escuella.” You went inside, and no sooner was the door closed that you were practically swarmed by Miss Jones, Miss Gaskill, and Miss Jackson.

“What did they want?”

“You weren’t gone for very long, did everything go alright?”

“Are you allowed to say?”

You felt yourself flush as you tried to keep track of who was asking which question. “It was nothing special.” You said. “They just wanted to know how I knew Mr Cornwall.”

Of course they all also wanted to know, and so you told them what you had told Mr Van Der Linde, Mr Matthews, Mr Morgan, and Mr Escuella-omitting your warning at the end.

Much like the men, they were stunned to hear your story.

“So you grew up pretty well to do.” Miss Jones said, in a tone that sounded impressed and envious.

“I-Well, yes, I suppose.” The embarrassment from earlier had returned. “I was extremely privileged.”

“What was it like?” Miss Gaskill asked, sounding wistful. “Being in that world?”

You paused, trying to think of a good way to describe it.

“When I was a little girl, it was dazzling.” You confessed. “All those men and women in their finery...it looked like an entirely different world. Like a fairy tale.”

“Oh yeah?” Miss Jackson raised a brow. “Meet any prince charmings?”

You laughed. “I met some well to do gentlemen if that’s what you mean.”

“I think she means suitors.” Miss Gaskill said with a giggle, and an eager look on her face. “Well, did you?”

“Oh!” A scorching heat unlike any of the others from before overcame you, and you felt your throat dry up. “I-Well-no.” You stammered, looking askance out of embarrassment.

“Really?”

You looked up and saw Miss Roberts looking at you with surprise. “You mean none of them tried to…” She trailed off, leaving you to fill in the blank.

“Not at all.” You said, your flush worsening. “After all, I was just a maid’s daughter.”

And therein lies the rub.

No matter how much you learned or how you dressed or how you behaved, everyone knew that you were just the daughter of a maid who Mrs Zamolodchikova had taken pity on. Most of them had been polite enough, but that boundary had always been there, and always would be. You had grown accustomed to it, the way one would grow accustomed to a permanent limp. And it left you with what you imagined would be the same level of alienation. It was one of the many unfortunate side effects of being born as yourself, and one you had learned how to deal and navigate the world with.

But it would always be a fairy tale to you. Beautiful, grand, never within your reach no matter how well you knew it. And you would always be that little girl that chased after it with every breath in her chest.

#arthur morgan x reader #john marston x reader #rdr 2 #red dead 2 #red dead fic #fic: how the light gets in

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h4rin · 7 years

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prompt: Hello! Since requests are open and it’s the month of Halloween, I was wondering if I could request a wolf! Au scenario with Changkyun where he’s a werewolf and the reader is a werewolf Hunter due to their parents? But despite their different backgrounds they love each other dearly even tho it’s wrong? Preferably some angst, fluff, and a happy ending?? LMAO THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCE. ALSO SORRY THIS WAS REALLY DETAILED BUT FEEL FREE TO CHANGE SOME THINGS IF IT HELPS YOU WRITE BETTER ❤️✨

klsdjlkasj thank u so much for ur request!! i went a little bit overboard but i really got into this, tbh. lmk if it wasn’t what you wanted!!

word count ; 3,603

From a young age, you knew what you were meant to do. The same thing that your family had done for generations before, that they made a living doing, that kept your town safe.

You were going to kill werewolves.

There were a few rules to the ‘family business’, as your parents called it. You could only befriend other hunters in the area or people that their families had approved. There were werewolf families in the area, your family isn’t full of idiots, but not all of them are nonviolent, so they don’t die. The second they pose a threat to a human, however? They’re dead. Gone. Bye!

The second is that you can’t tell anyone you’re a hunter. Again, this doesn’t apply to other hunter’s families. If the common folk of your small town knew that there were hunters, aside from the deer hunters, and knew that there was a population of werewolves? Who knows what could happen? They could manage to convince the ‘vegan’ werewolves, who survived off of raw steaks and the occasional squirrel, to taste human flesh once again. They could convince the wolves to turn them. They could do anything; there was no telling.

The third rule was the most obvious; you have to be absolutely certain that someone is a wolf before you can kill them. That could mean months of watching them, or it could mean two days. You have to see them in human form, wolf form, and turning. If you have a hunch about someone, you can decide to tell another hunter or take them on your own. Seeing as you weren’t fully trained, however, it was strongly recommended that you take someone with you to take care of the issue, but you didn’t technically have to. The most important part of that rule, however, was that you can’t kill the wolf unless you know it harmed an innocent human.

You had been in the business for not quite two decades, and in your first year of the college a town over, you met someone that you’d known for years with a new light. His name was Im Changkyun, and you’d been in the same grade for your entire life. However, for the first time, this semester, the two of you shared a few classes. On the first day of class, he approached you, slightly shyly.

“Can I sit here?” he asked, slightly pink. “I think you’re the only one I know.”

“Oh yeah,” you responded. “Go for it.”

“I’m Changkyun, by the way,” he introduced himself.

Stopping yourself from answering with, ‘yeah, I know,’ you instead answered with your name. You weren’t super open to befriending him, especially not so suddenly, considering that he usually hung out with well-known werewolves, but as far as you could tell, he was the only person that you knew at your school, as well. Most of your friends’ families had sent them off to different states where they had connections of other hunters, and you were desperate for friends to the point where you figured that breaking one little rule wouldn’t cause your small town’s entire society to collapse, right?

After a few months, however, you got closer to Changkyun than you’d figured you would. You probably ended up too close to him. There was a high chance that the feelings you felt for him at least bordered on romantic, not platonic. Being the only two students from your town definitely had an impact on that, but you quickly found out that you had multiple classes together, which helped. He ended up at your dorm more nights than he wasn’t, and you also figured out that the two of you also had a passion for the supernatural. The pair of you believed in it, you for obvious reasons, but Changkyun could never quite pinpoint why he was so intrigued by it.

“It just seems like it has to be out there,” he insisted, upside down over your bed. You sat with your legs crossed in your swivel chair across the room, spinning slightly. “Like, dragons!” His eyes lit up. “So many cultures had dragons before they had any contact with others, it just makes sense that they’d exist! And how would they even come up with stuff like vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters? It just makes sense.”

Your head perked up for a split second at the mention of werewolves, but you played it off, processing his words. “Actually,” you responded, “I read something about how the vampire legend came to be. That’s the one thing I’m not entirely sure I believe in, y’know? The legend came from something like, how bodies decompose after death, and it looks like hair and fingernails keep growing, right? And I think people being buried alive, too. I can’t remember though, I read it like sophomore year.”

“But do you believe in like, werewolves, shapeshifters, aliens, mermaids, all that?” You nodded enthusiastically.

“Aliens definitely, partially because there’s so many planets out there that have the same type of conditions that Earth had when life started to form, and I really wanna know how the differences end up making them look compared to us. There’s no way that mermaids don’t exist, how else would you explain the siren legend? I’m a little iffy on shapeshifters, but I’ll believe until I have evidence against them, honestly.” You hesitated, hoping that Changkyun wouldn’t recognize that you avoided the werewolf question.

“What about werewolves, though?” God fucking dammit. He hadn’t sounded that curious in the past few months, giving you hope that his family were hunters, as well. They had moved into town during winter of your eighth grade year, so nobody really knew much about them.

“Yeah,” you simply responded. “I believe in werewolves.” You tried to keep your heart from beating quickly, tried to keep him from prying further. You knew that if you started talking, there was a chance that you wouldn’t stop.

“Why, though? You gave reasons for everything else.”

Your heart felt like it was going a million miles a minute. “I mean, our town has a lot of superstition about werewolves, right? And we wouldn’t have believed in them for so long if they didn’t exist, right? It just makes sense.” You paused. “I mean, I guess we also believed that the Earth was flat, but whatever. This lasted longer than that, I think.” You turned around to your laptop, looking up how long people believed in the Earth being flat and how long people’ve believed in werewolves as an excuse to hide your face, which, by now, you were sure was turning pink.

“[Y/N].” Your name fell thickly from Changkyun’s lips.

You swiveled around. “We’ve believed in werewolves longer. What’s up?”

“I...can I trust you?”

Your heart was beating quickly. “Yeah, of course, ‘Kyun.”

“I’m a werewolf.” You could practically feel his heart beating, quite possibly faster than yours, but decided to play it off.

A dry laugh emerged from your lips. “Good one, ‘Kyun. I’m a vampire!” You held up your hands like claws, making a hissing face. “Is it because it’s October?”

“No, [Y/N], I’m not joking. I’m dead serious. That’s why my family moved. We were run out of our town and -- God, I can’t believe I’m telling you this.” He sat up on your bed and promptly buried his face in his hands. “Yeah, I’m joking,” he said when he finally brought his head up. His eyes were slightly red, the area around his eyes dark and wet.

“‘Kyun -”

“Listen, I have to go. I’ll see you around, ‘kay?” He grabbed his bag, and, without waiting for a response, walked out of your dorm, closing the door roughly. You sat alone in your room for a moment, and after a brief look at the clock, decided that you could sleep on whatever the hell just happened.

You didn’t see Changkyun for about two weeks after that. He sat on the other side of the lecture halls, and left you alone during lunch. Your dorm room, despite your roommate, always felt lonely. It didn’t have his dumb jokes filling it, slowly turning into deep conversations that lasted until one in the morning. You even missed his smell, despite not noticing it before. It would stick to your sheets before, and now, you could barely sleep.

He ignored your texts and denied your calls after two tones. He didn’t turn off his read receipts, so you still knew that he didn’t have you blocked. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much. You knew that your family was made up of hunters, and they’d have you kill him. But you also knew that Changkyun, whatever form he took, couldn’t hurt a fly. He was the sweetest person you’d ever met, and he didn’t need to know about your family. Your family didn’t need to know about his family.

Looking at the calendar you had hanging near your door, you noticed that two nights from then was the full moon. If he wasn’t lying, just trying to get out of talking to you, you could catch Changkyun in every form. You could see if he was dangerous, if you had to tell anyone what he was. You could also get hurt.

You could get turned.

Knowing the worst-case scenarios, you decided that you were willing to risk it. Changkyun had become important to you, your home away from home, in the past few months. He was family now, and you were raised on the importance of family. You needed to keep him in your life.

For the two days, you skipped out on school. You emailed your professors, explaining that you were sick, and they gladly sent you the work you’d missed out on. They also marked you as present, seeing as how you’d never skipped a class and had one of the highest grades in all of your classes. During those two days, you collected what you’d need for the worst-case scenario with Changkyun. You traveled a few towns over to collect wolfsbane from a small witchcraft shop, you bought wolf tranquilizers from a shady girl in an alleyway, and for the worst possible thing, you bought a dainty silver necklace that you melted down into a single bullet. You prayed you wouldn’t have to use it, but you knew you had to be ready for the worst possible thing. If Changkyun cared, or even noticed that you weren’t in class for a few days, he didn’t say anything.

The morning of the full moon, you slept in. You knew that you probably wouldn’t be sleeping that night, and you needed sleep more than anything, especially at this point in the semester. If you were right, and you didn’t have to kill Changkyun, it was a slight comfort to know that, even if he hated you, he wouldn’t be killed. As you collected what you needed, you paused for a second.

If you weren’t right, if Changkyun was just a normal human who was trying to be funny, or even if he had hallucinations of being a werewolf, that meant that he didn’t want to be friends with you anymore. Or anything more than that. You cracked your knuckles as you sat down on your bed. A few tears fell, but they quickly stopped.

No, you were right. No one can lie that well.

Knowing that your roommate would be at a Friday the Thirteenth party, you were able to slip out of your room and down the dark hall of your dorm building easily. The creaky stairs were another story, however, and you felt every blood cell racing through your veins as you slowly made your way down. You knew that if you were caught, the only thing that could get you in trouble was the silver bullet, but it was hidden in a pocket that you yourself had put into the duffel bag. Honestly, it’d just look like you were a witch, but if Changkyun caught you, he’d know instantly.

And you did not plan on dying that night.

You crept towards Changkyun’s dorm building, sneaking up the stairs, again, as quietly as you could. Once you made it to his dorm hall, you stuck to the side opposite of his room, hoping that you could play it off easily, if you were caught. You got to his room in a minute, and taking in a heavy breath, you knocked on his door. He was lucky and didn’t have a roommate, so when you didn’t hear any response, despite his light being on, you twisted his doorknob, just testing it.

The dumbass left his door unlocked.

You sighed quietly, pushing it open before closing it swiftly. The first thing that you saw turned around, facing his room, was that the window was open. It wasn’t very carefully opened, but it clearly wasn’t just a one-second, one-time fix for him. The screen was taken out of his window, but it wasn’t torn or thrown out of the window. It rested on the floor, just slightly raised due to hitting the wall. One of the plastic sides was broken and worn away.

You peered out the open window, holding onto the windowsill for dear life as you tried to find any way out of his window. You decided to take a chance, and reached for the tree just a few feet away. Almost, almost, almost…

The wind whistled through your ears for just a second before you landed on your back on the cold ground. The breath was knocked out of you, and if you could’ve laughed, you would’ve. You’d been alive for two decades and this was what got you down. Not a werewolf, not a murderer, no, falling out of the window of a dorm building.

Once you were able to breathe again, you sat up, still laughing mentally. You rubbed your back and shoulder blades, still hurting like hell, and dug through your bag for your phone. You quickly unlocked your it, shining the flashlight on the ground and looking closely at it. After a minute of looking, you found a few faded paw prints that looked like a wolf’s. You inspected it for another second, and followed the path of where they seemed to lead.

“Changkyun?” you whispered into the forest, still following the small claw indentations in the dirt. You continued to call his name quietly for a few minutes, pulling yourself further and further into the almost pitch-black wood.

Your blood ran cold as you heard a growl behind you. You stopped immediately in your tracks, terrified of what you’d find when you turned around. The growling didn’t stop, however, and it didn’t grow closer, so you decided that you could, hopefully, safely turn around.

As you looked into the eyes of 0the wolf not even a foot away from you, you felt like you fell from the window in Changkyun’s dorm all over again. They had the same eyes. If he hurt you in any way, shape, or form, one of three things was going to happen.

One, Changkyun was going to walk out with the blood of someone on his hands. You can’t even call yourself an innocent person, you’d ended lives, too. He might not even know why you were killed, but once the news got a hold of it, your parents would know, and they would figure out who did it. They always did.

Two, Changkyun was going to bite you and not kill you. You would lie to your parents, saying that nothing happened, and wouldn’t kill him. His bite would leave you writhing in pain for over a week, after which, you would be a full werewolf. You would become the very thing that your parents hated more than anything, and you might not be able to control yourself.

Three, Changkyun was going to bite you, and not kill you. You would explain to your parents after killing him, that he was a werewolf. That’s the end of the story.

But Changkyun didn’t hurt you. He pressed his ears flat to his head and looked down, away from your eyes. You held your hand out to him, and he growled for a split second before placing his muzzle in it. He gave you the power.

You pulled your hand away from his snout as quickly as you’d put it there. You started to walk away, looking at Changkyun expectantly, and he followed. You knew you had to get him somewhere where he’d be safe, both for himself and to himself. You quickly led him through the forest, led by your flashlight, and back to your dorm. You held him in your arms as if he was a puppy, and took the stairs up through your dorm building as quickly as you could. The hall was a terrifying experience, even if you weren’t holding a wolf, and were, in fact, just holding a puppy, you could still get in a fuckton of trouble. And it would just quadruple when it turned out that it was a human.

Yikes.

When you managed to get into your dorm, you quickly texted your dormmate, asking her to please spend the night tonight, saying that you didn’t want to risk someone taking advantage of her as she crossed campus. She shot back a drunken text that, as far as you could translate, said not to worry, she found a friend she was already planning on spending the night with.

That’s one problem taken care of.

You pulled a blanket off of your bed, setting it on the ground and gesturing for Changkyun to lay down on it. Not being sure of how dressed werewolves were when they transformed back, you pulled a spare blanket out of the closet and lay it on top of him. You then sprinkled the wolfsbane from the jar it was in across the doorframe and on the windowsill, blocking him from getting out of your room without breaking a hole in the wall.

Once you flipped off the lights, you kind of just figured that, if Changkyun was hungry, that was his own damn fault for not hunting before you went and got him, and it was sort of a punishment. It wasn’t like he’d die if he didn’t eat right then and there. He would turn back in a few hours, and once he woke up, the two of you could get a McDonald’s run, whether it was late-night or early morning. You grumbled something that you honestly couldn’t remember for two seconds, something about a dumbass furry.

When you woke up in the morning, the wolfsbane was still intact everywhere you’d placed it. You looked over towards Changkyun’s still sleeping form, decidedly less furry than the night before and certainly less covered. His soft snores filled the room with the rising sun. Once you stepped out of bed, however, the slight creak of the wood sent his eyes shooting open. For just a split second, they were a piercing gold, but they quickly faded back to the dark brown you recognized easily. “[Y/N]?” he asked, voice deeper than usual. “Oh fuck.”

“Yeah.” Your response was curt, full of the salt that you’d been feeling towards him for the past weeks. “What the shit, Changkyun?”

His eyes closed, half out of exhaustion, half out of ‘oh shit, I don’t want to explain’. “I told you I was a werewolf.”

“Jesus shit, ‘Kyun, you fucking dumbass. I could’ve killed you.”

His eyes slowly opened at your words. “I knew it.” The words were hushed. “[Y/N] [Y/L/N]. The [Y/L/N]s. The world famous werewolf hunters. I thought you were myths and your name was just a coincidence. Of course not.”

“I could’ve. I wasn’t going to.”

“Wolfsbane can kill me.”

“It was to sedate you. You didn’t think I was going to actually kill you unless I had to, right?”

Ignoring your question, Changkyun just kept talking. “You know I had a crush on you, right? Like from the eighth grade. And I still do.” If his words were untrue, he was a damn good actor.

“Changkyun…”

“Yeah, I know, you don’t feel the same way.”

“No, that’s…” you trailed off. “That’s the issue. I’ve had a crush on you, too. I didn’t really notice it until this year.”

“So, what, you kill me? You figure out a way to cure me? You abandon me?” Changkyun was looking up at you, eyes full of tears.

“I won’t kill you unless you give me a reason to. I don’t know how to cure werewolves, if it’s possible. I won’t abandon you.” You sat down on the floor, only a few feet away from Changkyun.

“But you won’t date me, either,” Changkyun continued, putting words in your mouth.

“I didn’t say that.”

He inched towards you. “So you would?”

“Both of our families would kill us if they knew.” You inched closer to him.

“I don’t care.” He was less than a foot away from you at this point.

“I don’t, either.” There were maybe three inches between you. Changkyun moved his head, leaning in and closing the gap between your lips.

“Prove it, then.” You closed the final inch of space between the two of you, practically falling on him, and then actually falling on him. You didn’t care, holding yourself up with your hands on your hardwood floor, still connected to Changkyun.

“Wow,” he breathed when the two of you pulled apart. “You really don’t care.” You flicked his forehead.

#changkyun #.txt #mine #writing #halloween #monsta x #monsta x scenario #monsta x scenarios #monsta x imagine #monsta x halloween #monsta x imagines #monster x #LMAO PUNS #monsta x one shot #monsta x one shots #monsta x fanfic #monsta x fanfictions #monsta x fanfiction #monsta x fanfics

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princess-of-embarrassment · 4 years

Text

Some 3 am realizations about life, relationships and maybe more?? idk whatever have fun.

Ok before i start on this shit I am going to say it is 3 am and i am just dumping some thoughts like i usually do. Sorry for the shit grammar, disorganized thoughts and all that jazz... In a sense i feel like this is a letter to myself and what i have been trying so damn hard to understand so yeah i am talking to myself and to this website. I think. Idk. i will probably delete this in the morning when i am back on bad bitch mode and go back to posting memes pero por ahora vamos a ver como nos va. Mayb ei will leave it up bc i forget or because i dont care who sees it. sorry for the shitshow of a post you are about to read but you probably already kinda know me so yay! I debated posting this shit because the internet is a wildin place but oh well!!1!!11

ok tumblr it is 3 in the morning and i have 100% regressed into being a 15 years old on this damn website shitposting and reblogging some corny ass posts but it feels right, so here i am attempting to process it through the only form i know how to actually know how to cope with things. I mean memes are cool and all but lets be real, they don’t address the problems. this is the one place i can brain dump all of my thoughts and not really care about where they go because they will eventually disappear in the tumblr algorithm.

My old blog was often the only separation I had between my reality and the life i really wished i had, but now I have that life that I always wanted so why the hell am i back at square one? To be fair, the life that i have right now may not be envied by many but its a pretty darn good life to me. Im safe 99.9% of the time. The other .1% is a story for another day. I have been trying to figure out for months as to why i’m back to being so active on here and now that it’s 3:00am I realize it’s because of self isolation (thanks corona!).

Let me start off by saying this; my reality is not something I am going to be able to escape. Ever. It has brought me to where i am today, allowed me to meet some really incredible people and i am so so grateful. I have learned so much in the past few years. i am grateful what happened happened. Wild, i know. I escaped it physically but i cannot escape it mentally, at least for now. School, work, writing, dealing with my freshmen’s problems was what kept my brain occupied and away from having to face the part of my life that I really just want to forget. To be fait my trauma response has taken pretty good care of fucking up my memory and all of those fun things but ironically the things i want to forget about so badly are the things i think about every single day without skipping a beat. brains are weird like that.

I am ok now but sometimes i forget and fall back into my new reality. That is ok. People that know my story ask me why i don’t write about it on a public platform because it’s inspiring?? or hopeful?? or whatever cliche people want to use when addressing a topic that makes them uncomfortable and they want to feel better about the life they live. 21 year old latina girl faces adversity and lives the american dream (barely)..i mean, i did run a whole ass magazine and wrote a piece for graduation including some details of my story but that was like the rated g version with only the little sad parts that people are able to handle without feeling like their comfort zone is being violated. MEdia is a wonderful place isnt it??? so i get where they are coming from, but what they dont understand is that an international platform is not where i can share any of these thoughts... Listen, I know this is cryptic and confusing and you are probably really curious about what the hell happened to me but i don’t feel safe to type it out on international platforms with public access. I don’t know if i ever will... Yeah i can talk to people i trust about it because i am in control of the space and the situation and who is obtaining that information but you never really know with the internet.

maybe in the future i’ll write a book on it. even then i will probably use my alias make it a YA fiction with an added love story that ends in a happy ending. Maybe one day one of the school girl crushes I have will turn into that YA story and i dont have to make any of it up.

If i am honest...this blog is the only safe place i will probably ever have where he wont find me. He can find my school and my address and phone number and work and everything in between because that is just the way things work. Yeah yeah i get it stop posting shit on social media that is how he finds you whatever. What people dont understand is that I cant stop living my life again. I already started so i cant go back to giving him that power. It makes no sense. Also, his family is too confused by all of the ups and downs of the last year that they dont really know where i am going or what i am doing. So anyways, long story short - That’s why i am back on here, because it has become the same written safe haven I had when i was 15 and tried to escape my physical reality. Only difference is that i am trying to manage the mental reality of it all...

I also have so many questions about what to do next. Like i mentioned in another post, i didnt think i would make it to 21 but i did. I didnt think this far ahead so i guess i will just figure it out along the way but hear me out. How do i face a new reality that no one can relate to. At least not the people around me. How do i make friends and know when the “right time” is to tell them hey btw if this happens lmk lol. Even more importantly (because it relates to my future as world famous YA novelist.. lol sure grace...) How do I even date someone??? many questions are tied to that. like... I know theyre going to ask. “what happened?” “who is it?” “how can i help?” “Isnt there something we can do?”. i am more than willing to answer these questions because fuck, if im dating someone i would be curious too.. but do i even answer those questions. How do i know they are ready to handle that kind of information? how can i guarantee theyre not going to leave. How can i know that they arent going to be frightened by what has happened. how do i know they are not going to think differently of me. How do i explain to this person “yeah i have stress nightmares about what happened and when i wake up i think i am back in that situation and not where i live and i have to remind myself i am in a whole different area code but then its fine lol so if we share a bed at any point in time dont be alarmed if i wake up in a panic.” or how do i explain to them when something triggers me and all i can do is freeze because maybe it is him. Maybe he finally found me. but then i am back to reality and move on with my day because that is the only thing left to do. I cant throw myself a shitty pity party thats generic as fuck and i dont have time for it but whatever. moving on. next question. How do i know theyre not gonna walk away because they have the misconception so many people have?? Just because i went through some shit doesnt mean i am unstable or unloveable or whatever bs people think. This isnt going to go away. This shit is a aprt of me but it doesn not define me. it is not who i am.I dont have the option to make it go away but people have the option to pick up their things and go. seems unfair to me sometimes. It seems unfair to generalize people like that. I am always open to a new relationship but people expect me to be sitting at home scared to go out into the world and live my life. I have a life to live and i am so ready to explore it by myself or with someone by my side but quarantine has brought me back on here to deal with the fact that i am back to being stuck inside. Mentally and physically. One sucks less than the other.

I have so many other questions but i am feeling tired again and its almost 4am so maybe i should go to bed. Y’all dont know how happy i am to have this trash site to vent to in the middle of the night. theres some relly judgy people on here but at least i know my feed wont judge me or try to fix what has happened. it will just listen.

Anyways, i doubt anyone will read this because this post got long as fuck but if you did i give you a high five and a virtual hug for getting through the clusterfuck of sentences. Thanks tumblr. If i ever go viral again on this shitshow of a website i may have to bring back my studyblr and go underground lmfao jk maybe. I cant wait to hug my friends and the people i have met that have become a part of my daily routine (yes even during social isolation, get off my ass I am still socially isolating). All i can do for now is wait for someone who cares about me for me and isn’t scared of my past or the pieces of it that linger in my present. I deserve nothing less. if they cant do that they are not worth my time and i hope they drop their keys every single time they go to open their front door. oh... they also better be ready for the hours i spend typing away my thoughts on my computer. Maybe one day they will be allowed to read them too... lol maybe not. whatever who knows. Peace out kiddos stay healthy xoxo.

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sadrien · 7 years

Text

goodbyes & hellos

on ao3

im so so so late but hey this is for first day of prompt week for @thinkoutsidethelovesquare!!!! day one: wrong number

this was a lot of fun tbh and ive been dying to write this ship. alyas texts are italicized, adriens are underlined on ao3, just bold here bc tumblrs a butt. shoutout to @reyxa for the title <3

enjoy!

Alya narrows her eyes at the new message that lights up her phone. It’s an unknown number that she doesn’t recognize — not that she’s given her number to anyone recently — and it’s also seven in the morning . Anyone how knows her at all should know that she doesn’t wake up before at least nine on the weekends. (And that has nothing to do with the fact that she doesn’t sleep during the week and tends to go to bed after two in the morning.)

She groans as another message shows up on the screen. She squints and lets the messages flow in, figuring she can tell the person they’ve got the wrong number after they’ve finished whatever they have to say. Or she can decide that it’s unimportant and ignore it and go back to sleep.

She likes her second plan the best.

unknown number: Hi!

unknown number: Just wanted to let you know the start time for today has been moved from 10 to 9:15

unknown number: My father has a meeting at 1300 so he wants to get it all done as soon as possible

unknown number: And I know you mentioned wanting to have him on set yesterday

unknown number: I hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience! Your agent should be calling you soon, but I thought I’d give you a heads up

Alya squints at the screen. She doesn’t want to care but she’s curious. And curiousity killed the cat and all that but she’s used to letting her nosiness get the best of her.

unknown number: agents???

unknown number: 1st of all srry u have the wrong number

unknown number: 2nd of all were u talking to a movie star or smth???????

unknown number: book writer??

unknown number: what kinda person needs an agent

unknown number: Oh I’m sorry! I must’ve gotten the wrong number from someone

unknown number: I’m really sorry if I was bothering you

Alya rolls her eyes.

unknown number: u woke me up but its chill cause now im curious

unknown number: Curious? About what?

unknown number: way 2 keep avoiding the question

unknown number: ???

unknown number: u said the person u meant to text has an agent

unknown number: how fancy r they

unknown number: Oh! She’s a model!

Alya’s eyes widen. The most famous person she knows is that thirteen year old that was in her school who has ten thousand subscribers on YouTube because she makes lyric videos. The second is a boy who has a few thousand instagram followers because he has nice abs and lots of white boy clothing and muscle shirts.

unknown number: u kno a model????????

unknown number: Uhh

unknown number: I’m not sure how much personal information I should be giving to a stranger

Alya sighs. So close.

unknown number: its fine dude (dude? u good w that? lmk if u arent) i getchu

unknown number: u can just stop responding if u dont wanna talk

She locks her phone and slides it back under her pillow. She stares at the ceiling for a few more minutes, wondering if she’ll be able to fall back asleep. As much as she’d like to take the train back to dreamville, she can’t. Because now she’s awake and now she’s wondering. And once she stops wondering, she doesn’t stop.

She’ll probably stop thinking about this random wrong number in a few days and in a few months, she’ll forget about them entirely but…

Ugh.

Sleep definitely isn’t an option anymore.

Leaving her phone in her bed, she pads to the kitchen, twisting her hair up into a messy bun as she does so. No one is up yet — of course they aren’t, it’s seven on a Saturday and everyone is taking advantage of every precious minute of sleep they can get — so she has the run of the house to herself.

So she makes herself some coffee and a bowl of cereal and turns to television on. Her initial plan is to just leave it on whatever channel that’s playing when she first turns it on, and luckily the twins were the last ones to use it. Saturday morning cartoons. Score.

Alya stirs sugar in her coffee as Cyber Chase plays in the background. It’s not much more than background noise, it’s the middle of an episode and she doesn’t really know what’s happening, but she does snort at a few of the bad jokes.

“You’re up early,” her mom says before dropping a kiss on the top of Alya’s head.

Alya hums. “Got a few text messages and they woke me up.” She notes how her mom purposefully avoids eye contact as she opens a cabinet. Alya rolls her eyes and eats a spoonful of cereal.

“School friends?” her mom asks carefully.

“Yes,” Alya lies. Better than her mom asking more questions. The biggest one being why were you talking to a complete stranger?

“Are you going to see them before we leave?”

Alya glues her eyes to the TV. “If they’re around.”

Her mom makes an unimpressed sound and Alya resists the urge to roll her eyes. She texted a few of her friends the other week, but the conversation was awkward and stilted. They all had the same sort of idea about cutting ties.

Alya sighs and puts down her spoon, twisting around in her seat to face her mom. “I promise I’m talking to them.”

Her mom gives her that look— the one where her lips purse and a crease between her eyebrows that’s becoming more and more permanent; the one that says she wants to push for more details, but won’t unless they’re volunteered first. Which Alya is not doing, thank you very much. “If you say so, honey,” her mom says, turning her attention to the breakfast she’s making.

Alya stares down into her cereal bowl.

Time to evacuate to her bedroom.

She finishes her cereal as quickly as she can without choking and dumps her bowl and spoon in the sink as she passes it, taking her coffee with her to her room. New plan: curl up in bed with her laptop and hope her mom just leaves her alone until they move.

Alya’s almost forgotten about her phone by the time she flops onto her bed. It vibrates almost as soon as she opens her laptop. She frowns as she pulls it out from under her pillow.

unknown number: Dude is fine for me

unknown number: He/him pronouns please

unknown number: Thanks for asking I really appreciate it, actually

unknown number: People don’t always ask

Plan trashed. This is a better plan.

unknown number: she/her for me

unknown number: and no prob man

unknown number: i wasnt gonna assume ur gender

unknown number: ok that mightve sounded bad but i didnt mean it in a bad way like the ‘lol dont assume my gender’ way jerks do sometime i meant it in like a genuine

unknown number: if u have smth u wanna say u should say it because i am very tired and i can go on for a while

Whoops.

Alya can’t say she’s known for her stellar first impressions but she usually doesn’t ramble her way into an awkward corner. She mindlessly flips through apps as she waits for a response.

unknown number: Don’t worry about it! I didn’t take it the wrong way or anything

Alya smiles to herself as she responds. He keeps leaving her openings which is nice. Based off his initial reaction, she thought he’d shut this down as fast as possible.

She realizes this is probably a little weird. But it’s the most exciting thing to happen to her since school let out so…

unknown number: so whats up stranger??

unknown number: b4 u ask im just sitting in my room doing nothing but text u so thats my morning

unknown number: I actually have work soon, so that’s fun

Alya raises her eyebrows. She forgot age was something else she didn’t know yet.

unknown number: oo work that sounds fun

unknown number: what do u do???

unknown number: I work for my dad, it isn’t anything special

unknown number: But it gives me something to do with my time so I don’t mind that much

unknown number: If I randomly stop responding without warning, that’s why

unknown number: good 2 kno

unknown number: can i ask what u do 4 ur dad or is that 2 personal

unknown number: I uh… I just do whatever he needs me to do

unknown number: I don’t get paid or anything but

unknown number: ay it still works as a resume builder

unknown number: Yeah exactly!

unknown number: thats cool that ur dad can get u a job!! my mom and dad could never w their jobs so i just suffer

unknown number: not that thats any different from what i would do anyway as a teenager

Alright, perfect. She’s brought up the age question in a really clunky and awkward way. Better than nothing.

unknown number: Oh how old are you?

unknown number: I’m 15

Alya lets out a sigh of relief.

unknown number: ayy same!

unknown number: just ur fav teenage superhero blogger

unknown number: doing nothing with her life

unknown number: You like superheroes?

unknown number: yeah!! i love comic books. you??

unknown number: I don’t have time to read many but yeah! I’ve always loved Spiderman

unknown number: wonder woman is my g i r l

unknown number: superheroes are just so cool

She waits a few minutes before she decides that he must have gone off to work. Bonding over superheroes, that’s good. A shared interest. She scrolls through their conversation, rereading some of the earlier messages before she creates a contact for him. She makes the name ‘stranger’ and leaves it at that.

It’s not like they’re meeting up or anything. Even if he is an ax murderer, can’t kill her if she never sends him her location.

Alya spends the next couple of hours avoiding her mom as much as possible. She takes her sisters to the park and then goes to the library after she brings them home.

She doesn’t want to talk about it.

She’s clicking through a webcomic that she missed a few weeks worth of updates when her phone buzzes. She glances down, expecting it to be a text from her mom asking if she has any plans or to do chores or something, but is pleasantly surprised to see a message from her stranger.

stranger: Sorry about that, work ran long

stranger: Admittedly, I don’t know very much about Wonder Woman, but she looks very awesome

unknown number: !!!!

unknown number: when ive got more time remind me to tell u all abou t her

unknown number: and to rec some comic books even if u dont have time

stranger: Is she your favorite?

Alya sits back in her chair. This conversation is going to be a long one.

Alya finds herself randomly texting her stranger for the next few days. He doesn’t always respond quickly, but he responds eventually, no matter how weird her original message.

That’s more than she can say for most of her friends.

She texts him as she’s sitting on the counter in her kitchen, stirring a pot.

unknown number: hey stranger whats up

stranger: Just reading, you?

unknown number: making box mac n cheese

stranger: Sounds fun

unknown number: yeah im gonna eat it straight from the pot

The three dots bounce on the screen as the stranger takes his time with the next message. Alya snorts and turns off the stove, straining the pasta and moving to the fridge to find butter and cheese. He’s found his words by the time she’s letting the butter melt in the pot.

stranger: Straight from the pot? Why?

unknown number: because i live life on the edge

unknown number: and also because im too lazy to clean the dish later

stranger: You know what? That’s fair

Sometimes, Alya thinks that she probably shouldn’t think about someone who she doesn’t even know the name of as often as she does, let alone text him as much as she does. But sometimes she’ll see something, and she’ll immediately think of him. Or she’ll just be randomly upset and feel the strong urge to pick up the phone and see if he’s available to vent to.

She knows it’s kind of weird, but she can’t help herself.

One night, at around two in the morning, she finds herself messaging him.

unknown number: hey did i ever mention i was moving

She’s almost asleep, slightly more okay than she was before she sent the text, when he responds.

stranger: You haven’t but we also don’t talk about where we live

Alya stares at the screen for a long moment, the bright light in the darkness making everything on the screen blur into nothing. She just feels kind of numb.

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: like 8 hours away from where i live now

stranger: Wow that’s a big move

unknown number: yeah

stranger: I’m guessing you don’t want to go?

unknown number: not really

unknown number: did u know ur my only friend right now

stranger: I am?

unknown number: me and my other friends sort of cut ties

stranger: The internet exists

stranger: Phones exist

stranger: FaceTime and Skype both kind of suck, but they exist

unknown number: yeah i guess

unknown number: i guess its just too hard for any of us to try

stranger: I have no idea how far apart we live

stranger: We’re doing just fine

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: yeah ur right

One of Alya’s small comforts that comes to mind whenever she thinks about moving is the fact that she’ll have her phone on her and a portable charger. Her stranger will be with her every step of the way.

He’d managed to get her to talk to some of her friends. She doesn’t really think it’ll last once she’s in Paris, but the attempt is nice. And it gives her other people to talk to for the rest of the summer.

It’s too early in the morning when they leave for the last time for her to get really emotional about moving. All she has the energy to do is to take a picture of her old apartment, caption it ‘one last goodbye to marseille’, and save it before sending it to her friends over Snapchat. Before she falls asleep against the car window, she texts it to her stranger.

She wakes up to a new text among the goodbyes from her friends.

stranger: Have a nice car ride! I’ll let you know when I get back from work <3

Alya hides her smile from her sisters and screenshots the text for later.

She texts him from the floor of her new bedroom while her dad starts moving boxes. They’ve been in the process of moving for a while now, shipping most of their things to Paris beforehand. Now all that remains is the actual unpacking.

Alya doesn’t have the energy for that. She just lays on the floor and stares at the ceiling for a while. Then she picks up her phone and sends him a text.

It’s been about an hour since they last talked. She’d talked to him for a good majority of the car ride, only stopping when he was busy and ending the conversation when they arrived so she could get her things out of the car and help her sisters with theirs. She’d sent him a picture of her empty bedroom and said ‘let the unpacking begin :P’. He’d responded with a ‘Good luck!!’ and ‘I’ll let you get to work!’

Alya’s thumb hovers over the send button for a few seconds. She’s never really pushed him for any sort of personal information before.

New city, new Alya. Or something.

unknown number: hey just wondering

unknown number: what do u have me in ur phone as??

unknown number: i have u in here as stranger

stranger: Your contact name?

stranger: Uh awkward but you don’t?

stranger: You’re the only one I just have the number for, so I know who you are that way

Alya reads his texts a few times before she responds. She doesn’t know what she expects in return, but she figures she has nothing to lose.

unknown number: im alya

unknown number: in case u were wondering

stranger: Hi Alya

stranger: I’m Adrien

#adrien agreste #alya cesaire #alyadrien #outsidethelovesquare #miraculous ladybug #my fics #oof its done

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smallblanketfort · 7 years

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How did you get diagnosed with bpd? Did you suspect it before? How did you deal with it? Did you feel like anything changed after a diagnosis? Do you feel like people treat you differently when they know you have it? How do you deal with all the negativity around the diagnosis? ps: sorry for so many questions

it’s okay. i feel like a smart person would say, come off anon and let’s chat, but u know what, i’ll totally embarrass myself for the common good. oh man.

short answers. click keep reading for the in depth, tmi answers.

How did you get diagnosed with bpd? Did you suspect it before? short answer: self dx followed by psych. yes. kind of.

Do you feel like people treat you differently when they know you have it?short answer: depends on the person and how much they care about you as a person.

How do you deal with all the negativity around the diagnosis?short answer: i dont lol

babe i hope this helps a bit and idk. im being honest here, so idk how much comfort is here, but if you find any, good. be safe. lmk if you have other questions! happy to answer.

How did you get diagnosed with bpd? Did you suspect it before? short answer: self dx followed by psych. yes.long answer: i had a slight mental breakdown in uhhhh fall 2015-january 2016, and i work at the library which slows down in the winter. i was going a little nuts with nothing to do one day in late december/early january, so i planted myself in the mental health section and read all the requirements in dsm-iv book for mental disorders. i think i was half curious and half knew something was wrong. i had dealt with depression and anxiety in the past, but i felt mentally dizzy all the time, if that makes sense. just generally unstable and lost and worried. Not Okay. self harming and finding comfort in it. i was totally bleary going through my daily life and i felt extremely unstable in my relationships. i also was trying to work through this whole hallucination/voice in my head thing that sparked it in september(?). so i remember taking these books to the break room and taking these convoluted notes on tiny scraps of paper, trying to make sense of what was happening. i found the notes a couple weeks ago, and it was really weird, but i was so careful about it. i really didn’t want to feel like i had anything, but i was getting desperate. i would copy out the requirements and tally up what i had. i remember contemplating a couple things i knew i could diagnoses with by a doctor who didn’t care, like avoidant pd, but i realized it was definitely not the one, at all. when i read bpd, it took my breath away. i was shocked, bc it was like reading a book about myself. i remember getting goosebumps, and shaking. i spent months researching and researching it, trying to convince myself i didn’t fit the criteria. at the time i was in several psych classes, and one of my professors had us write a 15+ page paper about our own life and psych development. it was hella weird, but i ended up pouring myself into it and my psych prof, who runs his own practice was like “Lol yeah omg” and we chatted a bit and sure enough, i am most likely a bpd bug. i’m not “formally” diagnosed but i have talked to several psychologists at my universities about it and they’re all like “lmao yeeeah” so

How did you deal with it?short answer: i feel like i’m still “dealing” with the diagnosis, and my stance on it changes constantly lol, but probably better in the beginning. it didn’t really change a ton for me, bc i felt like it was just a word for what i had already been experiencing. i decided not to tell anyone, so i didn’t feel like things had changed. at the same time i refused to believe it. i have tables and tables of notes in my journals, trying to convince myself in and out of it. i did know that to be healthy, i needed to acknowledge it. i tried.long answer: idk!? like on one hand i was relieved like “okay so this is a thing with a name, now i can start attacking it. i was really good at mood tracking for about 6 months. no more lol. anyway, i still go through acceptance/denial cycles constantly. just today, i decided to watch youtube videos about it to prove to myself that i didn’t have bpd. my reaction? o shit i guess i have bpd. every couple weeks ill come across an article or video or something about it and they’ll talk about other quirks of bpd and it’s so accurate it’s scary. but kinda cool (like perceptions of time and such that dont really hurt anything, but i thought everyone had. whoops. just my bpd showing again lol) it’s like when i climbed over a wooden fence in colorado and realized i had a sliver in my leg and then when i got it out, i realized i had another sliver in my leg and then when i got it out i realized i had another sliver in m-and so on. it never stops really. maybe it’d help if i told more ppl. idk.

Did you feel like anything changed after a diagnosis?short answer: it brought some clarity, some understanding and validation, that i think really helped me. sometimes it brought hopelessness, sometimes motivation. i mean, i was still the same person, just with a label. it started me on a road i referred to as resurfacing.long answer: i mean, i was still the same person, just with a label. it definitely brought gravity to it. sometimes it made me hopeless (can you even recover from a personality disorder?), but sometimes it brought me hope bc i wasn’t alone and there are coping methods made esp for me. it helped me understand myself and why i did what i did. it helped me be more proactive, and im getting better at it. it helped me accept some of my quirks, and helped me communicate. it’s a constant learning process like battle.

Do you feel like people treat you differently when they know you have it?short answer: depends on the person and how much they care about you as a person.long answer: lmao so like i haven’t told my parents yet, didnt have to since i was over 18. lately my mom is becoming more aware tho i think, and she’s being really supportive. my friends (irl and online, they all know) are really supportive and patient and encouraging and kind. they’re so great. the two ppl i dated since were lovely. about a month after diagnosis, however, i told my boyfriend of the time whose only response was “why didn’t you tell me this before i got emotionally attached to you?” :-) THAT fucked me up, but i still think it’s fair. lately im super worried about it though.

How do you deal with all the negativity around the diagnosis?short answer: i dont lollong answer: so i had never heard of it before 2016 sooo i actually don’t really know about the stigmas even now? i try really hard not to hear about any of it, bc if i do, im going to shrivel and not have the confidence to be open about it, which really helps me and my relationships. being open about it is what destroys the stigma. at the same time, im totally terrified of telling my family for some reason. my mom used to say anxiety was a hat i put on, bc she was a nurse in the mental ward, so her view of mental illness is basically of non to low functioning people. she;s a lot more supportive and validating of it now but idk i cant.OKAY ALSO negativity with recovery high key sucks. for a solid year i was convinced that there’s no recovery and i’ll probably kill myself before im 27, im so screwed blah blah blah, but then i FINALLY starting finding resources that consistently said 50% of adults find themselves recovered after ten years. im also really working hard on self care and coping rn. making good choices for myself to hopefully stay as healthy and happy as possible.

lmk if you have other questions!

#bpd #anon #borderline personality disorder #actuallyborderline #actually borderline

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