#cant help that im right when im high!!

[stevesbipanic]

Steve injures his ankle in ninth grade and is forced to sit on the bleachers at P.E for 6 weeks. Here he meets Eddie "Sick Note for Life" Munson and the two of them become little gossipers about everyone in their grades.

#their grades share pe #idc i make the rules #they are both bitchy and gossipy #and steve has noone else to talk to and hes a little social butterfly #eddie doesnt start the conversation #steve just goes did you know frank samson is trying to date two girls right now #eddie cant help but reply yeah but cindy lance is dating him AND peter crame #and steve is like noooo what! #little gossip birds #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #pre season 4 #steddie #stranger things s4 #st4 #stranger things season 4 #steve is not someone i see hating eddie im high school especially when he was younger

[devotedlystrangewizard]

the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.

he never was.

#ramblings #incoherent beyond belief its 4 am #and im trying to avoid manga spoilers #might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything #actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers #manga readers know whats up #idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet #but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so #cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO #which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away #but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound #him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder #trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others #hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him #he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS #ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be #his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything #which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk #like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him #but. #hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late #both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR #also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot #the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it #CRAZY #if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga #ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE

[meow-moment]

dysphoria kind of sucks sometimes. like sure i can sexualize it but i still dont really like towering over people and looking kind of scary and having 5 o clock shadow and a flat chest and a deep voice. its like i cant take myself seriously. like, ill think "oh you were given the genetics that would make you fantastic at being a cis man but instead youre trying to be a 'pretty girl,' yeah right." also in sexual scenarios i always kind of get railroaded into the role of top and i feel like thats a related fact. it sucks.

#honestly i just kind of need to vent about it maybe. #i always think like ''oh bottoms cant have hairy asses or legs and they have to have high voices!'' and i know thats not a rule at all but. #i still look at myself sometimes and im like. yeah right. who would want o fuck someone with stubble on their thighs. #i know its a negative bias and it doesnt help me but it still sways my opinion of myself even when i try not to let it #and unlearning that is fucking hard

[sesamenom]

trying to figure out Lomion's relationships for the reverse gondolin au - so far I have Rog as his mentor instead of Eol and Celegorm as his "uncle". he's not particularly close with Idril, but Turgon helps him with the politics/statecraft stuff. anyways I can't figure out a marriage candidate for him for heir-identification purposes so

#silm #silmarillion #reverse gondolin au #not art #lomion #i dont really have any ship/sexuality headcanons for lomion #so idk who to stick him with #but he is the high king after all and does need somewhere for the crown to go in the case of his likely demise #maedhros can get away with zero children because he has plenty of brothers & cousins #but sadly lomion is an only child (or at least the only surviving child...?) #and by his reign most of his family has been wiped out #idril still sails in the au so she cant inherit #i think celebrimbor is the only close friend/family he has living after the destruction of gondolin?? #celebrimbor def would not *want* to be king but i could see him taking the crown in an emergency #so that sauron/morgoth/whoever would focus on him and give his family/people time to escape #the lomion/tyelpe idea actually happened bc i was thinking about if he should be obsessed with the opposite cousin the au #since idril is like 300some years younger than him and they didn't meet until much later #and anyways they're even more cousins-removed than russingon so it should be fine right? lol #the other main marriage option im considering is giving one of the other Lords a kid #maybe egalmoth can have a random daughter somewhere in there? #i don't want to make it too much of a 'random person + random heir kid' situation #so maybe he can just adopt a kid? but then if he dies early the kid is too young #(bc he doesnt have a kid when idril arrives) #also gil galad is younger here to make the timelines work #anyways and if he dies early and his kid is too young but he's also not married and has no siblings then idk who would be regent #bc by the end of the FA i'm aiming to have turgon & aredhel dead; elwing & earendil dead/departed; tuor dead; and idril sailed #and then that leaves like nobody alive family wise #aaagh help me i have no idea who inherits after him #like. does celebrimbor have to be king for a few hundred years? he probably would sooner dissolve the formal kingship than deal with that #or do i throw it back at gil galad? how does gil even get to gondolin?? where does he come from

[coffee-bat]

hi not to vent again but you ever been so overwhelmingly injured that you actually feel like crying

#(tl;dr: ouch oof owie my bones) #sorry for venting here again i dont really have anyone to tell this to i dont wanna be whiney #but hghghghghhh #turns out the possible broken foot was the least of my problems #yknow how sometimes after you get multiple injuries you hyperfocus on one and dont realize the severity of others? yeah #i DEFINATELY sprained my right hip. #hurts when i move my leg. cant put any weight on it or it just buckles. my muscles spasm and my knee buckles down #both my knees hurt. or rather the ends of my femurs. it feels like i crushed the tips of both femurs #my toe(??) still hurts but i cant bother to focus on it anymore #my elbows hurt too. like ends of my upper arm bones #everything fucking hurts i can barely walk i want to cry everytime i move my bones itch like when theyre broken #i see no purpose going to the hospital. theyd just give me xrays and do nothing but keep me for 10 hours in the waiting room #i know they wont help. hell theyll probably laugh at me as usual. its just not worth it #but everytime i move i want to fucking cry. i need to complain a bit ig #sorry ignore this im just ventibg #vent #personal #and its frustrating bc im USED to this. i get injured SO often. i should be dealing with thisbetter. but rn its just too much #i have a developed high pain tolerance but this is just. too much. i cant focus on ignoring one thing bc multiple others hurt

[yourcalamity]

im about to have such a potent opportunity to disappear into the woods forever it itches

#i wonder how long it would take anyone to figure it out lol #youre welcome future coldcase vloggers #but for the record if i do mysteriously vanish no its not because of my job #must be said because thats the easiest explanation people come up with yeah it would be convenient right #if i could just get a new job and suddenly everything in my life will be fixed and all of the other blatant issues clearly coming from other #sources will cease to exist #also therapy and meds will do the same thing. i might as well walk up to a stranger and ask them to snap their fingers and cure me #just as long as the hand i turn to for help points in another direction technically im being ‘helped’ right #life is just a fight and you have to keep fighting for yourself and others and hope one day someone is going to fight for you #and when people dont fight for you when you need them to it becomes clear that you dont even need to fight. it would be easier to lose #you already upset them by not fighting for yourself and instead of fighting for you now theyre fighting againt you. do you really want to #fight harder. do you really want to fight people you love. no one wants that #ive been so emotionally destroyed these past years and idk if i will ever recover or find worth in myself again #and if i got a new job tomorrow at the most comfortable high paying company in the world with a one day work week and unlimited pto #i would still feel worthless because of the experiences ive had and the way everyobe has brushed over them as if i cant feel emotion #i have been carrying so much hurt #now im going home to say goodbye to the remains of a stranger who wouldve disowned me had we ever spoken on even ground #but sure i will enjoy my trip

[dancing-with-stars]

guys. guys !!!!

#vanu is rambling #ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence. #like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me #but like for these past couple months things have been different. #i don’t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone. #like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or #i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey #where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment. #today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me #and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during #those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears #and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg #and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that. #because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call. #i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends. #it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time #they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable. #someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did #and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent #stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable. #like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter. #they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl. #they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in #friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool #people really. really cool people

[xannerz]

been on the verge of a boohoo sesh all day reee

#this trashy ass rude ass entitled ass person kept calling our call center today #reps were messaging me asking what to do b/c his attitude was so rancid. like the dude's insane if he had any friends i'd be surprised #anyway we managed but i hate bullies and i'm mad we cant just 'we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone' him #b/c this dude was traaaaaaaash #absolutely demented #on top of that im just. not having a great time physically. i feel unwell constantly and can barely eat and when i do i feel nauseous #and i called the GI office today and they said i cant get the endoscopy they referred in til NEXT MARCH. #my pcp didnt help im gonna call insurance and see if they can do anything about this. bc this. this is bs lmfaooo #also did a brain mri this year and they found nothing (thankfully) but that doesnt explain why i constantly feel woozy or lightheaded #the kind you feel when you're drunk or high? i went 2 weeks without weed and i'd still feel it at random #maybe it is just the Stress #guess ill die #xangoeswah

[vilsoo]

fnaftok discussing about the fnaf movie and their expectations is making me cringe so bad rn

#( ♥︎ ) — messy talk. #ok so little rant #🤓 #why did i see a mf in the comment section say they want the movie to be like the vhs tapes #THE VHS TAPES ARENT CANON TO THE LORE OR THE GAME ITSELF HELLO #AND LMFAOAOOO ima be real the vhs tapes i see on tiktok give massive walten files vibes rather than fnaf itself it completely takes away #the immersion and its just fucking cringy #also to the edgy mfs that say they dont want kids to show in the theater #ur absolutely right i dont wanna see kids in this bitch either but the way yall are only excited about the gore is super fucking concerning #‘i cant wait to see kids die brutally on screen’ OH MY GOD WHAT??!?!!?????? #HELP ME LMAOOOO #‘i wanna see the look on childrens faces when they see all the gore and dark side of fnaf’ pls stop speaking xx #and im not even gonna get started on fnaf youtubers everyone wants to see in the movie and have ‘big roles’ #immediately NO #youtubers in this movie takes away the immersion imo #plus why are mfs desperate for dawko to join the movie HELL NAW #i can take small cameos but no large roles for these mfs #also to the bitches with extremely high expectations #your ass is not gonna see the bite of 87 or elizabeth’s death or william’s death or michael swallowing ennard in one movie dawg 😹😹😹 #pls know the order of the lore #and im pretty sure the movie is based off the first fnaf game which is basically right after the mci and crying child’s death #anyways thanks for listening to my long rant #fnaftok is just so annoying sometimes

[bednbunfast]

everything feels like it's falling apart,,

#☕️ | chatter #chise go to BEEEEEDDDDDD #hhhhhh i'm just #ive been thinkingnabout how i speak sometime s #and imnsorry ifni ever made anyone uncomfortable because i can get pretty sarcastic #sometimes?? maybe #i dont knwo #im sleepy...goodnight to people ? #ior good morning! idk #ior...iori...oh my god i forgot about iori my little guy my silly oc #i need to redesign him.... #funny how i was unapologetically the most sarcasting little shit in junior high and then completely lost the sass in shs because of the fuck #ing pandemic man. i wanna be a little shit again #or not...i may have been roasting the class pres and he sent me to help clean woth the library when the tracher asked of someone was naughty #is naughty even the right wordi cant remember fuck i hate language barriers and words fhat can never truly be expressed #like?? to fully understand something in another language translating it isnt enough you need to #actually learn the langauge #because the contecnt and context and everything is just..lost #some words are not translated correctly to what it actually means andit frustrates me #gods punishment for the tower of babel isnsntupid iland i hate him for it #also like ive been asking people if jesus had a choice in becoming sacrifice and my granma said no and shes religous so nowni feel bad for #him bevaus ehe had no choice ornsomething idunno im itred #gnnfor reals #im sory agaij im just #i dontnknkw whay im supposed to be doing #taling with new people are jard so im so sordh #if i sound weird #im not very good at speaking with new people

[mrfoox]

Uh you ever.... Feel okay or pretty decent and then you remember your lifes circumstances and then you're at the verge of tears?

#miranda talking shit #Maybe this is too specific but hah yeah ... #I can feel okay and be like ah things are pretty good ! And then i remember how my life 'is' and im close to a breakdown #Trying nit to compare myself to others and so on but like.... Its so hard not to lmao #25 soon and no job havent finished high-school i got no partner (plus i guess a virgin lol) #And all the things i havent done or experienced which is pretty universal? Yeah mmm... Ive lost so much of my time and life to mental #Illness and i cant help but morn that. Like if i didnt have my child trauma id probably have a lot milder anxiety and depression which is #Keeping from doing most things... Id still have my autistic and add struggles but i want to imagine I'd manage to accomplish more if #My dep and anx wasn't this bad bc of my past... I hate how my mentality was wrecked before i even knew how to count to 100 #And sooo many years of my childhood just feeling bad and even suicidal (first time i mentioned wanting to die in my diary i was 10-11...) #Just struggling so many years mentally and since i was so young i couldn't make the connection why i was feeling like it? Like the first #Time i started considering why etc i was already like 16.... I didnt think it was weird to cry every single day as long as i can remember #Now at 25 i am still a crybaby but i do it weekly instead. Its just so ... Weird and sad. You dont understand how serious something was #That happened to you and how it affected you until youre almost an adult... And you start to understand that its not just all on you #Its not just your fault youre struggling so much. Youre not just being lazy and difficult ... God Just wish someone protected me when #It mattered . I know my past could have been worse i could have been treated a lot worse and abused more and still to this day it makes me #Feel iffy or bad to claim i was abused? I mean... I was? But cant help to feel my trauma and experiences is not as serious as others #Like i wasnt sexually abused for example or abused by my parents... And i know many have so i feel its not my ... Right to say anything ? #Like my brothers mentally abused me for years and physically from time to time but it could be so much worse #Idk where im going with this i need to go to my vourses instead im crying in the bathroom like stop #Negative

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#the more i learn about the history of life. the more alien it seems to me #thats how i want to start my letter of intent #but i dont remember how im supposed to write one. ur supposed to talk about all ur qualifications. i think. y ur the right person for the #position. but i dont want to do that. i just want to chase down the words to make the ideas in my head make sense #bc its true. life to me has become increasingly alien. and i mean that in only the best of ways. #astrobiology has always been my focus but im not quite sure its an accurate descriptor anymore #i mean. it is the way i understand it. for understanding life we have a sample size of 1. we have to start here #until we find something else. so i want to study and understand the life on this planet. how it came to be. how its changed. whats pushing #those changes. but thats not what people think when they hear astrobiology. nobody else seems to get it #like the way i see plants has completely changed. a plant is a very strange thing. it is a body with many cells reaching up to capture #light from a far off star. making sugar from starlight. and plants have a history having been something soft bodied. green goo #but they developed structure. they consumed another small gooey body and crept across the barren surface of the early earth #a biome is dicated by the plant life in a given location. plants have helped to sculpture the ecology of the world #making a landscape of green hands reaching higher and high toward the light #its weird. alien. and i never thought about that before. there r so many things i want to know. im streched in a million directions. i want #to read papers but i cant hold the words long enough to make them make sense. i want to listen to people talk about life but i know they #generalize. they miss the finer details. i want narratives and poetry. i want stories that make me think about the world differently. but i #want to listen to the same things over and over and over until ive felt out every detail and every contour of why its wonderful. until i #understand. but i can only occupy one place at a time. so ive been laying here for 3 hours. thinking about all the things i want to do and #not doing any of them. but its not all terrible bc at least i have things i want to do. and the way i feel abt these things is so different #from how i feel abt what im paid to do. my interests have diverged too much. im not having fun there anymore. i havent been for a while. #all my good will burned away and now theres nothing but the guilt of no longer being invested. but i only have to be here until the end of #spring. so not much longer. and then ill b somwhere else. doing something more interesting. hopefully #that's all. i just put too much pressure on things and then i cant do anything bc im crushing myself #hm i should stop that #unrelated #lol welcome to my blog where i draw ninjas while being unironically haunted by the mysteries of life in the universe

[halinski]

Ignore me :)

#me: breathless #then-me: breathless enough for my lungs to be painful for almost an hour #*bringing up the fuck you enough to telly parents: ENOUGH/ bc i gave them 4 hours of my saturday* #gave them all the energu of my weekend #till my body was shaking #sacrificed cleaning my apartment which is NEEDED #sacrificed resting Which i desperately needed #bc ofc i do that when my parents demand bc no is not a word my paeents undersyand or acvept #so whhen i twll them: i cant do this anymore my fucking lungs hurt a moment ago just before i waljed the dog for you that youre dogsitting #they're also acting theyre doing ME a favor by dogsittiing the dog??? like what #and im like this is stressful for me and the cats and the dog the fact that your doing this construction this weekend #and also this already took longer than they said whichh was expected bc you can never trust what they say #it was already more than they said it would be #and i was like i cqnt #and my fatther was like: can you just help lift this one last thing thats like 5x your weight 3m high bc we cant do it alone #and i was like.... i can try but i cant guarantee i'll make it far #...bc i am willing to be buried by a metal bar doing what my father wants bc he's an idiot who doesn't care #my mother than mentioned it's all unsafe and she's not playing along esp bc of my father's conditions and bc my sister and she are generall #y not as strong as me #and i was like you right i would never risk any of you get struck down by the bar so i won't risk trying to lift the bar and falter bc #my lungs give out on mr #i would riisk myself #and it seems like everyone is fine with my lungs taking a toll #thats just this family #i realized the other day that there was not one situation where i was evver comforted by my mother #that's.. #not normal is it? #i've held her when she sobbed more than once and had to soothe her but she's never been a comfort to me #i've never been held when i was breaking or scared #i was just sent to school and pushed to keep going past my boundaries bc oh you're so sensistive :)) so yeah thats fun

[yellowhearther0]

girls when they are trying their best but their best isnt good enough 😔😔

#sagittarius.txt #negative #stopped gaming and the horrors have returned #im just so fuciing pissed off. at the circumstances. in general #bc im stuck sittubg here with these shit ass feelings that no one can jack about until im either old enough to do something about it or #like. idek. #bc itsblike i cant say shit to my parents bc they wont take me seriously and lird knows i dont trust any of the adults at my fucking school #and im not going to make the handful of peiple i CAN talk to more worried about me when they already have atuff going on and they cant do #anything abt what im dealing with #but i dont even WANT to go to anyone because i dont wanna get mad at people when they tell me things i alreadybknow because i KNOW theyre #tryijg to help and they cant do much and its liek GRAH #im justvin such a shit plce bc i want to reach out but i have to do it of my own violition or else i'll just fucking shut down #im like a scared dog. in a cage. and he'll come to u if u just leave him be and let him do his own thing #but like. if im the svared little dog than everyone else is the big scary human who i slowly inch closer to and then suddenly the stick out #their hand right as im near them and then i run right back to where i was before and then we're back at square 1. does this make sense #and its litwrally no ones fault but my own #i just never know how to tell what other people are thinking so i think i project how i feel about myself onto what i thibk others rhing of #me and so i go into every potentially vulnerable conversation with my guard drawn high because im just expecting people to get sick of me #always complaining but never actually trying to better myself #idk man #im normal #i peomise

[marklikely]

not a music snob in the sense of having snob taste like i dont agree with pitchfork reviewers or whoever... but yes a music snob in the sense of being too judgmental when people have different taste than me

#i just cant help but feel like im objectively right when i think music is good or bad. #its a character flaw and im trying to be better but. -___- #avpost #sorry im trying to stop myself from becoming a high school mean girl on twitter bc thyere talking about numb litle bug #and literally everyone is like omg i love this song its so relatable its so fun and catchy its one of the best songs of the year #and im jsut like the target commercial production? the hacky lyrics trying so hard to be relatable that they feel completely empty? #the bland singing? the skincrawlingly irritating melody? what part of this do you like or relate to?? #like i was opening the replies excited to read everyone bashing how awful this song is and no they ALL LIKE IT. .. #im sorry. i know . you can have your own tastes. let people enjoy things. etc. but its literally one of the worst songs of the year #it might honestly only be second to abcdefu and we all know how i and everyone over the age of 11 feels about that song. #anyway i came to tumblr to complain about how bad it is instead of complaining in front of the people who like it #so there thats like. progress or whatever.

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

#you need help #thats getting too bad #diary #personal #drugs tw #*sigh* i really wanna get high as shit rn. #i found out today's fathers day so now im stressing bc i dont know how to act happy and congratulate him #like. i dont want to touch him and in not sure if i can force the words out. #...and my mom said to me earlier at least i have a better dad than her..... #haha. i feel like shit. #im just. everything is really too much. #ive been frozen for like at least the last 30-45mins bc my dad interupted me to show me that he assembled my longboard #but like. that really upset me bc 1 he made me stop what i was doing. and 2. he touched something i was going to do #and like i have to fake a smile and be happy but i was super upset so its like. hard not to cause a problem. #idk i need to look up if he put it on right and its stressing me out. #and he started talking about how i need to weed the garlic bc the weeds are big and itll hurt my garlic (obviously) #and just. it stressed me out so much. #like. everything hurts so much and its too much. #and when i told my mom i cant just go back to what i was doing before without doing a routine shes said something like #or well no shit but i dont wanna hear that from you. #also its not even fully ocd. i usually cant go back to what i was doing when i feel interupted. #i rly hate when dad does things and makes me come see when i dont need to bc id rather he just tell me #AND IVE BEEN TOO OVERWHELMED LATELY TO EVEN BOTHER LEAVING THE HOUSE. #suicidal ideation #self harm #ugh. i hate when its like this bc i feel like im faking and then i supress everything and feel like i wanna die. #and like the only way im gonna be able to get through weeding the garlic (or maybe even staining dependimg on how i feel) #is through fucking just hitting myself or something. god i feel so fucking stupid. and im just upset. #...and how the fuck am i supposed to calm down??? and how the fuck am i supposed to act alright n say thank u dad for stressing me out #like. it shows on my face if im really upset. and i sure as hell suck at lying.