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shoyudon · 8 hours

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𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒𝐍'𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑, 𝐈 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 .ᐟ

them forgetting a date night.

starring. gojo, sukuna, toji x fem! reader

heads up. cursing, no fluff, sukuna can use a phone (bcs u taught him lol /j), sukuna calling u "woman"

note. haiii, how are you guys doing? make sure to take care of yourself!! i'm feeling a bit angsty today, so i'm gonna write a bit of angst. i miss gojo, like so much u guys :( i might make a part two for this btw hehe

──────〃★ 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔

the one thing you hated more than people being late was people who don't keep their promises — your boyfriend wasn't an exception to it. gojo's a busy man, you get it. for months you haven't been able to see him because he was so caught up in the jujutsu world; he saves people dan and night from lingering curses that it broke you a bit.

the jujutsu world treats him like a weapon; and you never liked it. despite your constant battering on him, trying to get him to quit and just settled in for a quiet life, he tells you that he can't. that people needed him, and you felt selfish.

but isn't it fine to be selfish sometimes?

clutching onto your phone, you'd tried dialing gojo's number at least six times before he answers. his voice groggy and slow, as if he had just woken up from a deep sleep, "huh . . . hello?"

you wanted to yell at him, especially because he was the one who has been reminding you about this particular date night — and he was the one to forget about it, "good sleep?" you ended up asking him, voice hard.

"y/n . . . why did you—"

"why did i call? oh, i don't know. maybe because my boyfriend stood me up for an hour and a half. i look like an idiot sitting here, satoru," you mutter out in embarrassment, avoiding the lingering gazes from both waiters and waitresses around you.

for the past hour, you've lost count of how many times you'd ask them to refill your glass of tea — embarrassing. then telling them you were waiting for someone when they tried to ask you if you were going to order anything since there were people waiting for a table, just for the said person not showing up.

"what time is— oh, fuck. baby, i'm so sorry, i fell asleep when i was work—"

before he could finish his words, you finished it for him, "working. i get it, you're always working. clearly, you don't have time for anything else, right?" you ask him, signaling the waiter nearby for the bill.

"baby, i know. i'm so sorry, i'm on my way, okay? please," he whispers. you could hear a few shuffling on the background; along with a few curses he muttered under his breath as he stumble over his feet, mind hazy from all the sudden movements he was doing despite just waking up.

"no need. i'm leaving the place," you mutter, walking out of the restaurant — heels clacking on the pavement, "and 'm leaving you, because clearly you're not ready for a relationship, so bye."

gojo yells out, "what? no, baby. i swear — i'll make it up to you, please. don't leave me . . ." he rambled on the same words over and over again, "where are you? i'm picking you up. please, can we talk about this? i'm sorry, i know i should've—"

"bye, satoru," and with that you ended the call.

──────〃★ 𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀 𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍

you fiddled the hem of your dress as you sat inside the almost closed restaurant, the last speck of hope you had on your boyfriend —sukuna— dissipating into hopelessness. standing up you walked over to the cashier, taking out your card to pay for the one glass of shrimp cocktail and one glass of white wine.

the cashier shot you a sympathetic look, and you didn't dare to look her into her eyes. face hard from embarrassment and shame, "thank you for coming, come again next time, ma'am . . ." she bids you goodbye as she returns your card.

walking out of the restaurant that now had the 'closed' sign flipped made your stomach churn in mixed feelings: anger, embarrassment, shame, sadness, everything all at once.

sinking your nails onto the palm of your hand, you muttered out strings of curses. you knew being in a relationship with someone who had no understanding to the concept of love was a hard thing — but honestly, you thought you got a hang of it. all this time you had been nothing but patient with sukuna, but maybe even that wasn't enough for him.

three hours. you sat alone inside the restaurant you booked for the both of you for three hours — each hour depleting your hope even more. and sukuna just managed to fuck it up even after he said he'd try. well, you should've underlined the keyword there: he said he'd try not that he'd come.

maybe you saw it coming yet it still disappointed you anyways.

your phone rang. even before you see who it was — you knew it's none other than sukuna. your heart screamed at you to answer his phone call, but your mind told you to leave it ringing because you were in no mood to talk to him. yet, at the end — you still pressed the answer button.

"what?"

"where are you?" his rough voice echoed through the line as you walked down the nearly empty street, holding onto your purse, "place's closed."

scoffing, you answered, "'f course it's closed, it's almost ten. i've been waiting for three hours, ryo. three hours."

you could hear him inhale sharply, "i was caught up with something, woman. where are you now?" he questioned. hearing a few car honking behind on the background, "where are you? answer me."

"doesn't matter, i left. and i'm leaving you, i was wrong thinking maybe i could've changed you — turns out, i couldn't. good luck to you," you mutter out sternly.

sukuna raised a brow, "y're kidding."

you weren't, and all he could hear next was the loud dial tune of the other line hanging up — now did he realize that this was all serious and you were actually leaving him for good.

──────〃★ 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎

you sighed, dialing toji for the first time of the night when he said that he was going to pick you up for a date, the phone rung for a while before going into voicemail. grumbling under your breath, you tried dialing him again for the second time, which ended up the same way.

all these time spent on makeup and picking out the best outfit — all for nothing as your boyfriend, toji failed to show up on time. angry, you tried calling him again for the third time, only for it to end up in voicemail yet again. this time you decided to leave a message for him.

"hey, you forgot. didn't you? hope you're happy with yourself, cause 'm not."

dating toji wasn't the easiest — but you love him, no matter what he was like. and it was stupid of you to do so, all this time you've defended his name against your friends' malice towards him, saying how he wasn't treating you well enough and that you deserved so much better.

despite all that, you love him. disregarding their words, retorting back to how toji treats you well, which he does — except for the times he tended to forget about everything, even you. maybe it was time to open your eyes and actually break up; because you did deserve better than this.

it would be a shame to let all this makeup go to waste, and so you hailed a cab and decided to go out for a treat. and made the best out of everything, that is until toji decided it would be the most convenient time to call you back amidst your little "me time".

wiping your hand on the napkin, you answered him, "huh, you're alive," you muttered out, huffing.

he sighs, "i forgot, sorry." you couldn't see him, but toji actually looked remorseful, already on his way out of his apartment to yours, "i'm on my way."

you chuckled, "doesn't matter. i left my house," you informed, taking a bite out of the crab meat, "so don't bother coming — and i don't think i don't deserve this kind of treatment from anyone, even you, toji. i'm breaking up with you because clearly you don't take this relationship as seriously as i am."

toji furrowed his brows, "i forgot, i fucked up, i can make it up. where are you right now?" he asks, his voice still as calm as cucumber. but the look on his face contradicted the tone of his voice.

"bye, toji. good luck."

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faerytreealtars · 17 hours

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How To Reach Your Destined Role? ~ Advice & Guidance on your journey through life.

Hi everyone, I'm finally back with another Pick a card! This time I am doing the PAC that the majority voted for and it is all about who are you destined to be? How can you get to that level? Or perhaps you already are there? Pick an image which draws you in and that shall be your pile!

This PAC took a lot longer to get around to than I would have hoped, but I had to put myself first as I'm sure you will understand between battling mental health struggles and then physical ailments, which have still not cleared up but hopefully I will get there soon! Still, I feel brighter and more energized mentally so I thought it was about time to get back on the horse, so to speak anyway without further rambling shall we get into the piles...

[ Image credit goes to ilikefairies ]

Pile One ~

[ Cards drawn: The Magician, The lovers, three of swords & the sun.]

[ Top Of Deck - Nine of cups. ]

Who are you meant to be: You are meant to be a free-spirited soul so do not worry about rushing into choices of who or what you are meant to be. Before I had even pulled any cards I heard the message in my head that you have lots of opportunities in this life and you can choose to be many different versions of yourself, many people get stuck into the mindset that there is only one version of themselves that can exist in this world but that is untrue, it is up to you who you want to be, exist in a way that brings you happiness. Now based on the image you chose and the messages the cards are sharing with me, I feel you are someone who is meant to bring more love, light and hope into this world by merely existing you do this but if you wish to be more proactive then read the next part and hopefully the messages will resonate for you.

How to get there: You need to become more aware of your power in this world, and how your actions and emotions can influence your days. How your thought patterns can affect your choices and beliefs. They either will push you onwards towards happiness and success or hold you back in stagnation and fear but when you work on finding your footing, grounding more in the present moment and working on having more confidence in yourself. seeing yourself as worthy and lovable on the bad days as well as the good then you come closer to the higher power that connects you with your soul. With the three of swords present you have gone through much despair and heartbreak, it has toughened you to this world which can indeed be cruel and though those experiences however sorrowful they were gave you much more perspective and wisdom on human nature and your own inner world they were not meant as punishment or as a way to put out your light. With the sun following this card I can tell that it is your loving energy and the fact you feel so deeply that can power you on to create brighter days not just for yourself but for others too, do not fear sharing your experiences or using them in your creations or hobbies to add inspiration to others life. All in all, I can see you living a good life, not without its challenges but a life like that is unlikely and perhaps boring! The final advice I hear is to keep working on yourself, masterpieces cannot be rushed and you should focus on what intrigues and brings you happiness in the moment, don't worry about having it all figured out too soon. Best of luck, my dear pile one!

Pile Two ~

[Cards drawn: Page of cups, Knight of cups, the Star & eight of swords]

[Top of the Deck: Ten of Cups]

Who are you meant to be: Okay, woah Pile two your energy is so happy and bright I love it thank you for letting me bask in it for a while!! If no one ever tells you that you are wonderful and lovable then let me please be the one to tell you now: You are wonderful and lovable in so many ways, thank you for existing!! Anyway on with your reading. So we have a lot of water energy going on here so right off the bat I can tell you are meant to be someone who values and uplifts your own as well as others' emotions. I keep hearing therapist in my mind and though I never intended this reading to be about careers perhaps that is a job you feel drawn to or perhaps you already seem to act like everyone's personal therapist in your day-to-day life. (I know that can get tiring so do put your own wants, needs and boundaries first if you feel that others are putting too much upon you.) I am now also hearing teacher and parent so yeah it may be in your destiny to help shape and mould the next generation into as bright and uplifting a soul as you are yourself. Now in a more general sense, I can see you are meant to be someone who always strives first to open others' eyes to truths in the world that others may want to turn a blind eye to, sometimes this may make you feel alienated and insecure of yourself but keep striving on and never back down for those who wish to put your down like to see you trapped in your insecurity and doubt it allows them to get away with all the malice they put into the world but you are far bolder and brighter than them and your presence, voice and actions help to bring forward a more hopeful future.

How to get there: Honestly Pile two I feel you are already on your way to getting there without much guidance from anyone else but I will say keep listening and feeling your emotions, honouring them as truth for it is how your intuition seems to let itself be heard. Keep working on your communication skills for I feel they are a skill you will be using quite a lot in the future or perhaps you already do. Finally don't be afraid of having a bad day, you are allowed to feel negative about things and it's totally okay to lean on others as much as they lean on you. Don't get so caught up in overthinking and doubts, or even worries about how to help others sometimes we have to let others make it through their own lessons in life, it is like the baby turtles who hatch on the beach and must make it to the sea on their own power and will, not all of them will make it but we can't intervene less we can cause more harm than good. That's all I'm getting for you pile two. I wish you the best and again I just love your energy so keep being you because it brings so much happiness to the world.

Pile Three ~

[ Cards drawn: The magician, The high priestess, seven of pentacles, four of cups ]

[ Top of the deck: The Tower ]

Who are you meant to be: You are meant to be someone who changes, themselves and the world. You are like a phoenix who rises from the ashes and is rebirthed as a newer, better you after every fall. I am also getting the visual of a chameleon who changes to fit their environment. This at times may have left to feeling confused or a sense of imposter syndrome but do not fear it is a skill and talent all in itself and it is not a wrong thing to be doing. It allows others to feel more comfortable around you so then in turn you can aid them in bettering themselves. Now to focus more on you, who this reading is meant to be helping I can see you are meant to a more spiritually in tune individual who listens and honours their mystical power, of which you have a lot. I feel many of you have been shamed or forced into behaving "sensibly" when you try to show this part of yourself as many cannot understand it and feel it doesn't help with the real world. Please stop listening to them, you would not have this connection to your higher self and the divine if it was not meant to benefit you and the world in some way. So feel free to behave as "woo-hoo" as you wish, the ones who value and respect you will stick around and those who behave in ways that try to condition and control you will eventually leave and you will be all the better for it!

How to get there: Work on listening to your intuition more, remember that intuition is a message that carries calm energy while anxiety will make you feel frantic and in the need to rush. You do not need to rush. As the seven pentacles show you need to cultivate patience and wait for the seed to grow. Trust that all that you are doing, even if at times it is having to sit and do nothing is helping to nurture and give your dreams and goals the best chance of success. I also feel you need to take more time to give yourself mental rest, let your mind grow still and quiet, focus on one thing at a time and seek more time for meditation. This in turn may help you feel more grounded and grateful for all you already have and all you have already achieved. Finally do not fear the tower falling, in the midst of the chaos it may feel like the end but you will begin to see it is simply the clearing of the unneeded and stagnated to allow for the creation of the brighter and better. From it you will always become wiser, stronger and yes even kinder.

I wish the best to all of you in pile three, I know the days may seem long and hard but try to focus on the simple gratitudes and you will begin to see the sun beam from behind the clouds. Until next time, Love Fae.

#divination #cartomancy #tarot #tarotblr #channeling #♡ messages channelled from the divine ♡#pick a card #pac #free tarot reading #tarot readers #tarot cards #tarotcommunity #tarot witch #pick a reading #pick a card reading #pick a card tarot #how to reach your destined role pac #destiny tarot

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lanabenikosdoormat · 3 days

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astonished by the length of my hair to be quite frank with you all

#doormat rambles #TW: lesbian jumpscare #call that shit face card friday

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midnightmah07 · 3 days

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THUS CARD IS LITERALLY SO PERFECT UGHHHHH LEMME GUSH ABOUT IT FOR A MOMENT I NEED TO

FIRST FIRST FIRST I LOVE THAT IT'S IN SAVANACLAW??? LIKE WE CAN TELL IT'S THE SAVANACLAW DECORATION ESPECIALLY BC OF THE WATERFALL OH MY GOODNESS THE BACKGROUND IS SO GOOD. AND THEN THE LITTLE COINS AND THE BAG(?) OF THAUMARKS/MANDOL I CAN'T DO THIS

MOST OF ALL I LOOOOOOOVE HIS EXPRESSION???? BRO THIS IS LIKE MY NEW FAVORITE RUGGIE THEY'VE EVER DRAWN. I LOVE HIS LITTLE TEETH, LIKE LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FANGS!!!! I WANNA POKE THEM!!!!!!!!! AND HIS EYES??? THEY'RE SO BEAUTIFUL AND SHINY AND HIS LITTLE EARS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *EXPLODES* THE WAY ONE OF HIS EARS GOES SLIGHTLY DOWN I LOVE HIM SM IM GOING TO CRY

I LOVE HIS HANDS HERE??????? THEY'RE SO WELL DRAWN I LOVE HOW THEY'RE PLACED LIKE THE PERSPECTIVE LOOKS SO PERFECTTTTTT THE ONLY THING I WOULD CHANGE IS I'D GIVE HIM CLAWS BUT HE NEVER HAD CLAWS SO THIS ISN'T A CRITICISM SKSKKSKSOSKSLDKDKDK

I LOVE HOW THIN HE LOOKS HERE? LIKE IT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE FOR HIM TO BE SUPER THIN BC HE BARELY ATE BEFORE NRC AND THOUGH HE'S BETTER NOW HE CAN'T HAVE ENOUGH FOOD TO LIKE MAKE HIM CHUBBIER SO IT MAKES SENSE SO I LIKE IT!!!!! IT'S GREAT!!!!!!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST I LOVE HIS LITTLE TSUM😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 THE WAY HE'S JUMPING GOING "YIPPEEEEEEEEE" ALSO I CAN'T TELL IF THEY'RE COOPERATING OR NOT???? I HOPE THEY ARE!!!!! I HOPE THEY SHARE THIS 50/50<3333

#💙! mah rambles #oh my goodness im so sorry #im going crazy #this is my new favorite Ruggie cards #for all the reasons i listed above

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palossssssand · 1 day

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Denchuuuu denchu denchu. I think they're the cutest I wanna know more :] Sending you 1, 2, 8 and 21 for funsies from the pride prompts ^^

1. What's your oc's gender identity? What's their relationship to their gender?

Denchu is genderfluid and uses any pronouns (he/she/they/and more?).

2. What's your oc's orientation? (Romantic/sexual/platonic alterous ect) Do they have opinions about it?

I'm not sure if this has a label but Denchu is attracted to masc-presenting people. any gender

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

I think he definitely tends to downplay how he feels about being genderfluid because he's used to presenting as Girl and it's "easier" to present as Girl. They probably experience the feeling of "I go by any pronouns" and proceeding to only be referred to be she/her and then get frustrated later. Maybe there was a period of time where she didn't want to use she/her at all and ultimately circled back into including it because she still liked being Girl

21. Free ramble card wee

I would not be surprised if Denchu started figuring their stuff out after Kanu confides to them about being a trans guy, inspiring them to figure out their own stuff (says this as if they're not my characters and they're out doing things of their own free will)

#asks #denchu #splatoon #splatoon ocs #my ocs #the logistics of 'is there gender expecations and such in splatoon' when I feel like the world of splatoon would be pretty forgiving #but then again. I have not given it much thought #and ultimately I'm not like. super interested in exploring 'is society transphobic and do they have hangups about it'#although the elite soldiers being mostly female is like. does octarian society give status to them due to that. hmmmm #at the end of the day I feel like splatoon doesnt really care. just fuck it we ball. maybe thats the easy way out #Idk maybe I should have expected this going into oc pride asks it would be boring to just say yeah. theyre this. no real reason #ANYWAYS enough complaining from me. thank you for asking about denchu :3 #also realizing that these asks are more conductive if I take them as opportunities to develop the character rather than go #well ummm. I didnt think about it so I don't have an answer for you

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quirkle2 · 2 days

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[zombie au] the written version of this post but like.way more harrowing (3.5k words)

It’s been a long time since Ritsu has seen the stars.

When he and his brother were little, stars were very important to them. An obsession from one brother meant it was an obsession by association for the other—Shigeo would listen to Ritsu ramble about types of stars and facts about comets for hours. He’d always be so patient about it, even if Ritsu stumbled over the big words.

Ritsu has always loved space, and the imagery that comes with it—his favorite planet has always been Neptune ever since he learned of the existence of its rings. He finds supernovas fascinating, nebulae even more so; the cycle of life for bodies so beyond his understanding had never failed to capture his attention and hold it until its last breath.

At six years old, his father had taken him and Shigeo on a camping trip. His brother had gotten carsick on the way there, their father’s card had been declined when trying to pay for gas, and Ritsu had nearly caused a crash the way he suddenly screamed about a spider in the seat with him. Looking back, he’s sure the journey had been about eighty percent stress for his father.

For Ritsu, it had rewired him.

It’d been the first time he’d ever seen so many stars in the sky. It’d been the first time he’d ever been outside the city to begin with, the first time he could look out over the horizon and not see the treeline replaced with geometric, manmade light. He’d been so enamored by it his neck hurt the next morning from straining to drink everything in.

His brother gave it all that subtle smile, that surface-level spark of appreciation, and then he’d gone to bother their father about s’mores—he’d left him there in front of their tent to gawk at the expanse, at the majesty. Their voices had been far away, and the stars had felt so close.

That same majesty had blanketed him when they’d escaped the city, after the start of the apocalypse, but despite his lifelong love for all things space, he hadn’t found it in himself to enjoy it. Before, it’d been light pollution to fog his obsession.

Now, it’s… well, it’s a lot of things.

The air is crisp in his lungs, and dry against his cold fingers. The plastic of the truck bed against his back creaks and wobbles when Tome shifts in her spot. The crickets are loud in the absence of conversation, but Ritsu appreciates the songs they play—he taps his collarbone with two fingers to the beat of their melody, never having been much of a music lover in the past, but slowly learning its importance.

He senses Tome lean and angles his head down to watch her loom over his brother, squished against his side. She observes him for a moment, studying, and then her eyes flick to Ritsu’s and she’s mouthing something to him in the quiet.

He catches something like sleep and it’s all he really needs to get the gist. Ritsu lifts his head from the bed of the truck, double-chinned, to peek at his brother’s face.

Cheek smooshed up to his hip, limply hugging his thigh, and probably drooling on his t-shirt. He eyes the edges of his silhouette in the dark, watches the rise and fall of his chest and notes how it’s slower, and steady.

For the past few days, everything about him has been… droopy. The lids, the nonsensical speech, the sloppy movements, the slurred cracks of saliva in his throat when Ritsu takes something out of his mouth. Before they’d found this truck, abandoned on a dirt backroad they’d been walking along for hours, Ritsu had seen the pure, glassy exhaustion in Shigeo’s eyes and prayed for a decent place to settle down.

The bed of a truck that has a bloodied backseat and bullet holes in the rear windshield isn’t necessarily a decent place, but it’s passable.

Shigeo’s eyes are closed, and when Ritsu shifts his leg, his brother does not rise. He breathes out a sigh that feels heavy on his soul, but the sound is made of relief and Tome sags too.

The tension pressing down on the truck bed releases, and Ritsu assumes it’s his imagination when they seem to lift an inch from the weight taken off the flat wheels. They’re left in a silence that, for once, feels empty in a calming way. There is little substance to it, little to complain about in the moment, and Ritsu can tell he’s not the only one basking in that shallowness.

“Thank God,” Tome mumbles into the dark. Neither of them are particularly afraid of waking him up—once he’s out, he’s out for a while and dead to the world during it. “It was starting to make me tired just looking at him.”

Ritsu cannot help but agree, but somewhere in his own long-lived exhaustion he forgets he’s supposed to respond and instead just stares while Tome adjusts. She wraps her knees with her arms and stilts them up to make an X, stares out over the truck siding and traces the edges of the cornfield around them.

The crickets fill his lack of reply with croaks and chirps, and Tome seems used to his odd stints of silence. It’s a bit of a lullaby, and Ritsu finds himself drooping too, yet he’s unable to close his eyes and give into it.

Instead, he stares with a fuzzy gaze at the stars directly in his line of sight, and realizes they’ve been there the whole time. Of course they have, he thinks, and it’s one of those obvious things that hits him much too late to even stifle it, and he’s left with a thrum in his mind that’s of a vaguely embarrassed timbre.

He sees the stars every night. It’s just been quite a long time since he’s seen them.

There is something about the quiet, modest glint to them that funnels all that nostalgia to the forefront. The smell of s’mores and campfire smoke, the dust on old library books and the ache in his muscles that came with carrying too many nonfiction copies in his little arms. The cold, factual tone of documentary narrators over the coolest computer animations Ritsu’s ever seen, no matter how low quality the textures were.

His mother leaning over his shoulder, kissing his scalp and humming out a laugh when he pointed at all the comets crudely drawn into his looseleaf. His father bringing home science books that’d get more and more complicated as Ritsu grew older, but he soaked them up and memorized each paragraph like it was his duty to recite them perfectly.

Shigeo, eyes seemingly sparkling whenever Ritsu even opened his mouth and so, so incredibly patient, nodding in those little excited bursts when he’d explained how stars were born. Giggling when Ritsu threw his arms out under their little blanket fort in his bedroom, reenacting those supernovas he loves so much and spilling the blankets on their heads.

Ritsu realizes that maybe it isn’t nostalgia, because it feels quite bitter on the tongue. It’s something close, but it’s too… aggrieved to be nostalgia.

“So what’s your take?” Tome speaks over the crickets, over the crisp air that makes her shiver as she scoots down the truck bed to lie on her back. One of her arms is pinned under Shigeo. She doesn’t bother to yank it out from under him.

“On…?” he mumbles lazily, exhaustion peeling at his patience. He fights the urge to close his eyes because if he does he knows he’ll pass out on her instantly and he needs her on his good side.

Tome’s hair pillows under her head in a spiraled, jumbled mess while she loosely copies his position. He just knows she’s going to complain about the knots in it for the sixtieth time tomorrow morning, and he starts mentally preparing for that.

“How the apocalypse started.” She tilts her head toward him while she talks, but her eyes stay glued to the stars. “Got any good theories?”

Ritsu slowly slogs through the question, wishing he were asleep instead. Maybe he should just pass out. “Mh… I dunno,” he shrugs noncommittally. His legs ache, and he shuffles them around to press his calves against the rough plastic of the bed. “I don’t really think about that stuff.”

A partial lie; he occasionally feels ungodly amounts of hatred toward whoever started it—if a human being even started it at all—and occasionally wanders if it would be morally incorrect to shoot the fucker between the eyes if he ever meets them.

“Oh c’moooon,” Tome drawls, tilting her head as far back as it’ll go against the rivets underneath them and finally looking his way. There’s an odd weight to her gaze, like she’s looking for something in his face a little too closely, and he suddenly, inexplicably feels vulnerable.

Her free hand comes up to gesture just above her stomach, flippant. “You’ve gotta have something!”

He considers fabricating some ridiculous answer, but he finds he doesn’t have the energy to. That knowing glint in her eyes has him backstepping a little bit, and he scratches at his neck habitually and shrugs out a reply. “Not really.”

Ritsu moves the hand on his collarbone and flops it above his head, the zippers of his backpack sliding along his knuckles. He searches for the dangling pull to fidget with, and he senses Tome look away from him and back to the sky.

She then says, quietly in the air, “Well I think it’s aliens.”

Ritsu blinks slowly at the stars, lagging a little, and then the words catch up to him and he can’t stop himself from side-eyeing her hard.

“Aliens?” he echoes, a disbelieving lilt to his voice that borders on hilarity.

Tome nods matter-of-factly, comically genuine about it, and for a moment he doesn’t know whether he should openly be a dick and brick her dreams, let her down softly, or allow her to float.

There are a lot of things he could say to this, and he decides to settle for somewhere in the middle of all three. “You need to be medicated.”

It’s poured out over a tired grin and lazy, wandering eyes that trail the sky, soft and a little prudent. Tome grins back, like she was expecting that answer. It’s sharper than his fuzzy, weary edges.

“You need way more medication than me,” Tome teases, “I’m serious about it and it’s true.”

“Nevermind,” Ritsu breathes, lifting his head to pillow it under a hand, “I actually don’t think medicine can fix you.”

“Aliens are real.”

“Okay,” is calmly fed back, unperturbed but not convinced.

“Nobody ever takes me seriously after I say that,” Tome rolls onto her side, facing him, hair draping over the hand that’s propped against her head. Shigeo is jostled, but stays still and silent.

“Wonder why,” Ritsu deadpans.

“They’re scared of the truth!”

“Mmmmh. Sure.”

“They don’t wanna admit it.”

“They don’t.”

“And neither do you.”

“And neither do I.”

“Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Doing that—stop just agreeing with me.”

“Okay. You’re wrong.”

Tome tsks in a funny gauh sound, gesturing to the sky and shaking her head as if it’ll help her, and then, “Shigeo would believe me.”

Ritsu can feel her freeze up, even if they’re not touching. He can feel the way the air gets a degree colder and that weight comes back down to press against the truck bed and their chests. He breathes through it—he doesn’t think Tome even tries to.

She waits, breath baited, balancing on those eggshells she usually stomps on. She’s never been one to shy away from kicking him while he’s down, at least in the past. Those little pokes and jabs are something he simply had to get used to, if he wanted that much-needed help.

He thinks about the look she gave him earlier, the one that left him feeling centered in her claws while he stared at the stars and reminisced. He wonders what changed her demeanor. He wonders if his increasingly exhausted eyes lately have anything to do with it.

She’s waiting to see if she’s toeing a line, studying his face with sharp basil and calculating exactly how many eggshells she’s stepping on, listening to the crackles. Ritsu counts with her and finds it odd that he doesn’t already know the answer.

“No he wouldn’t,” he hears himself say, just to have something in the air between them that isn’t tension. He’s unsure if it’s true—it’s so silly he doesn’t even bother fact checking it. He’s too focused on the fact that Tome seems more attuned to what he’s feeling than he does. “You know nothing about him, you’re walking right into failure here.”

Something like relief flashes there in her irises, and the substance to the air dissipates a fraction. A brief moment of mischief and a close cousin of anger follows it, and then she swallows back the righteousness and smoothes out that sharp edge to her smile. “Okay, Mr. Genius. Maybe it’s time I ask The Question, then.”

Ritsu’s grin disappears, quickly at first, and then it floats down into a numb line and they’re suddenly in a much different kind of quiet. It’s still, almost suffocatingly so, but the crickets carry that old, childhood sense of safety with their song. The world loses that presently sharp, shiny finish and everything in existence suddenly feels matte against his atoms, flat and smooth and dry. Distant, and unreal.

She says it with a capital T and a capital Q, and despite how bold the statement is in the world of their little war between each other, she looks at him with an invitation to back down. It’s offered up like a challenge at first, but as she leaves the implications of it to marinate he can feel her confidence slipping. Her gaze is open and curious, but it’s poised for disappointment and acceptance of the fact.

If he searches, he can almost see the apologetic look hidden beneath it all, like she’s sorry she even asked him of such a thing.

The Question has gone unspoken, until now, but Tome continues once she feels she’s given him ample time to cut the cord on it all, and then she lets it out. “What was he like?” Quiet words, with such deafening reminders.

Ritsu stares, and he tries to think about how to summarize somebody he loves so much.

To Tome, he has been nothing but a kid who was bitten a long while ago. To her, he’s a husk, of a stranger, of a boy who’d often been a stranger even to people close to him. To this girl, Shigeo is one zombie in a crowd of billions, and the little sparks of personality in that dying flame of his core probably seem quite feeble and unimpressive.

To Ritsu, that all means everything.

“He was,” he stutters out, stilted and slow, as his racing mind jams every messy thought to the forefront, “quiet. He was really quiet, in everything he did, to most people. Sometimes you’d have to strain to hear him.”

He keeps his eyes on the edge of the truck bed, because if he doesn’t, he’d have to meet Tome’s gaze and he doesn’t think he’s capable of that anymore. “Really soft-spoken. Really gentle, but he could get intense when he wanted.”

In the silence, he’s very aware of his breathing, and the slow, steady bobbing of his own hand resting on his diaphragm. He works to keep it that way. “People ignored him a lot—said they barely registered his presence,” he says, with just a touch of sourness to his tone, “A lotta people would say most of him felt… ‘muted.’

“But I never understood that, cuz…” Because it was so wrong. “Cuz everything he did, he did it with all he had. And that was loud to me.

“He’d stay up all night in calls with our friend Teru, when he was upset. He’d bring home cookies for me if he knew I had a long day.” The twinge of a smile on his face is despairingly bittersweet. His breaths are steady. “All of the kids at school thought it was cool to hate your parents, but Shige looked sad when they said stuff like that and he came home and hugged them longer than usual.

“He’d cry if he accidentally stepped on a ladybug. He’d wave to frogs he saw on the sidewalk like they were his best friends,” he chuckles, and it brings a delicate little grin from Tome. It all feels very brittle. “He was the gentlest guy you could ever meet, and he loved everything.”

Ritsu swivels his head to look at the stars, and wonders why they’re staring at him so innocently. Wonders why it makes him want to cry. “Everything, even the stuff nobody else did,” he mumbles, voice small, “He picked bruised fruits from the store baskets cuz ‘nobody else will want them.’ He forgave his bullies instantly, even if they didn’t deserve it, even if Shige was still mad at them. He was too nice, sometimes. He let people walk all over him.”

He lets his teeth show a little, bares them in a shaky display. He remembers a day in class where Shigeo defended a kid from a couple brats, and then they all turned on him instead, including the kid he was defending. The next week Shigeo had helped that same boy pick up his books, and he’d been shoved to the tiled floor instead of thanked. Ritsu couldn’t decide whether to be mad about the cruelty, or mad about Shigeo’s selfless, stubborn character who didn’t seem to learn any lessons.

His throat feels sore. There is something sweltering and lumpy forming in the back of his mouth and he swallows it down. “He was really shy and talking to people was hard for him, but he stood up to people when others were being made fun of, even if his voice shook.”

A little Shigeo’s tiny words, trembling just like his hands. Feeling everything on Earth when they all said he couldn’t. Quietly, silently bearing it when the world kicked him down, and all he ever did back was be kind to it.

Ritsu learned from Shigeo’s mistakes, and he never defended any bullied kids, never tried to be kind for the simple act of being kind. Shigeo didn’t view them as mistakes at all. Maybe he’d been right about that.

“He was the only kid I’d ever known to be genuine about stuff. Compared to Shige, everybody else’s achievements seemed… shallow,” Ritsu bares his teeth again, at the world, at the stars, and they stare flatly back, “People told him to ‘get a clue,’ ‘get a personality,’ and I never understood why they did that, because Shige seemed like the smartest one there, to me. The richest in personality.

“Maybe not in an academic sense, but he already knew how to love things.” The hand on his chest bobs unsteadily. “He knew how to love life before he was taught how to walk. And above that, ya’know… what else matters?”

He’s too afraid to glance at Tome, because she is eerily silent and he doesn’t have the bravery to tear his gaze away from the sky. It hurts to look at that too, but he doesn’t know what else to stare at.

His breaths are steady. His breaths are steady, and the bottom of his vision is clear. He smiles again, bittersweet. The bottom of his vision is clear.

“You know what his favorite planet was?” he asks with a little voice, stifles a sniffle.

Tome takes a few beats to respond. “Mh… he seems like a Jupiter kinda guy.”

Ritsu shakes his head, and the smile he gives is not happy. “Planet Earth,” he croaks.

It sits for a beat, and in the air he can feel it, the common hesitance. “Yeah. When people first hear that, they usually go… ‘really? Earth?’” he chuckles wetly, moving his hands to copy their gestures, “Like… of all the cool, alien planets in our solar system, you chose Earth? The one we already know so much of, the one we’ve already studied inside and out? The one that feels so… mundane, to us?”

Ritsu’s favorite planet is Neptune, for its rings and its blue coat of paint. Shigeo’s was Earth, for its everything.

“But he loved the mundane. He showed love to the things people took for granted, to the uglier sides of them,” he breathes. It is not steady. His vision smears the stars into streaks. “He always did that.”

The crickets do nothing to cover his unsteady, long inhales, and the wetness of his cheeks and along his temples is cold against the air. Tome speaks after a few long, long beats, and her voice is quiet.

“... sounds like he’s got a heart of gold,” she whispers, and when Ritsu swivels his head to look at her, something like a supernova goes off in his own chest.

He cannot help but notice that she refers to Shigeo Kageyama in the present tense, and Ritsu does not.

#qkwrites #zombie au #ritsu kageyama #mp100 ritsu #shigeo kageyama #mp100 mob #mp100 shigeo #tome kurata #mp100 tome #hm! he's not okay is he.#sorry i can Never keep anything purely funny.i have to add angst or there's no point

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celticcrossanon · 17 hours

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I was thinking more BRF members but it could be another Scorpio person. I couldn’t get anything from the card other than ‘this is very important energy’, so I am drawing blanks on that one. Very frustrating!

>>>Isn’t Charles a Scorpio? If he is, then perhaps you’ve picked up on something having to do with or about him - eg maybe Meghan thought she could get more money/privilege/access from Charles if there were children?

Hi Nonny,

Yes, I thought the card could be King Charles in the reading, but that didn't get me any further in deciphering the energy.

My gut feeling for that card is that Meghan had kids to somehow leverage her position after The King dies, but that makes no sense given what we know about Prince William. It could definitely have something to do - and I just got hit by a flash of inspiration. It could be something to do with forcing the King to change things to favour her and her children (which he can't do, but Meghan would refuse to understand that). It could be as far fetched as Meghan thinking that her children could be put in the LoS ahead of Prince William's children, with her and Harry being 'promoted' to heir above Prince William. Yes, it sounds daft when I type it down, but that is resonating with the energy I felt, at least somewhat.

If I have time I will do another reading on that Death card tonight and see if anything comes up, to follow up on this flash of inspiration. Meghan using the kids to leverage herself to a higher position in the BRF makes sense (as she would ignore the law that makes such things impossible). Thank you for letting me ramble and grab onto the energy again, Nonny!

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swallowedbyfandom · 3 days

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Colin is certain he will die of shame. His beloved Pen, had held his face between in her delicate hands and asked him if he frequented the brothels. That she knew the names of the gentlemen he went with, meant she most likely knew of his perversions. Does she believe he will ask her to violate the sanctity of their marriage bed?

Worse than the knowledge that darling Pen knew he visited the brothel was the awful truth that while he had not engaged in sex after the discovery of his feelings he had exchanged kisses with them. After his life altering kiss with Penelope rather than allow her glorious kiss to linger on his tongue he had washed it away with two nameless whores. He barely makes it to his chamberpot before he is tossing up his accounts. There is no end to the taint he feels clinging to his skin now.

No wonder she didn't take anything that happened in the carriage seriously. He spoke of having feelings for her, of dreaming of her, he spoke of torment. From a proper gentleman, it could be taken as a nervous ramble of love. Such words from a Rake speak of simple lust, of lewd acts committed under the cover of darkness. That was exactly what he had given her, was it not? He has had sex with countless women and has never felt cheap, until he watched regret wash across Penelope's face. Her first intimacies forever tainted by his proud whoring. God, he is sick once more.

She is right. He has not treated her with the respect and dignity owed to her. Yet he has treated every lady but her with that respect. He does not treat her publicly like the love of his life, he had treated her like a mistress. She equated accepting his hand in marriage to a lack of self respect.

He loves her. Loves her in a way that is special and rare. He will never love another as much as he loves her, save their children. He has probably always loved her. What was it she said last night? Ah, he remembers, "I love you, I do. I have loved you in some manner for most of my life." That sums it all up. There has always been love between them. The shape and the depth of that love has changed and grown throughout the years. She loves him, she was probably in love with him at some point but she is not in love with him, now. She had been willing to marry Lord Debling.

All his first times should have been hers. All his experiences should have been shared experiences between them. Now the only firsts he has to offer is his first time as a husband and his first time as a father. Would she even believe that? Or would she just think she is the first to carry his legitimate child? Would she believe him if he told her that he has never spilled inside a woman? Is that even a guarantee?

He knows wondering if Debling has kissed her has driven him near insane. He remembers seeing Debling's body wrapped around Penelope to protect her from the hot air basket and wishing to call him out for a duel. He recalls every time he watched Debling lay his hand on the dip of her waist during a dance. How large and possessive those hands had seemed on her. The confidence Debling had touched her with still fills him with lingering rage. He remembers feeling sick to his stomach hearing her laugh for Debling. He knows in his heart he is not strong enough to live in a world where another man has made her moan. How the hell does she deal with his indiscretions?

She is right he has not respected in the way he should have. However going forward, he will show her all the respect in the world. There shall be no more flirting with debutantes, his name shall grace no dance card but Penelope's. There will be absolutely no whores. He will no longer go out to drink with cads. He will no longer brag about past sexual conquests. No will keep better company. He will definitely see the physician, he should have done so before ever laying a hand on her.

He is going to give her the courtship of her dreams. He will earn her trust, her love, and her hand in marriage. No one will ever doubt his devotion to her when he is done. Least of all, her.

He will start today. He will make arrangements with Anthony to take control of this inheritance. He must purchase them a home and hire household staff. He must start investing in their future, now. He will show her that he can provide her with a proper home and future. He rings for a hot bath to be ready after he breaks his fast. He will need his full mental acuity to plan the perfect road to redemption.

He gets to the dining room and wishes to turn back around at the way everyone cuts their eyes away from him. Is there anything more humiliating than getting your marriage proposal turned down twice? Then spending half your night sobbing on and off hysterically while getting drunk off your arse? Oh yes there is! It is having to admit to going to a brothel in front of the love of your life, your mother, her mother, and the Lord of your family. He is certain he will be lectured within an inch of his life today. As if he is not miserable enough already. As if letting Pen and his Mother down is not devastating enough.

Well, Debling and Benedict airing out his dirty laundry is not ideal but it could be worst. He is not sure how, but he is sure it could be. Anthony and Benedict are offended that Debling has offered Penelope a ring, but Colin is not. Oh, he is jealous and he would love to chuck said ring into the ocean but Debling is a man who was preparing to commit to Penelope. It is natural that he purchased a ring for her.

He cannot help, but feel like a child in comparison. His own proposal must have seemed like an obligatory whim after their interlude in the carriage. Yes, he could have easily brought Pen to the family jewels and let her pick out her own ring, but does that not highlight his lack of forethought?

Pen is right he is still making the same mistakes. He is still acting the impulsive fool. He is reacting instead of taking action. He recalls Pen telling him once that there was nothing wrong with being a man of action. So long as those actions were well calculated. He recalls the heavy look she had given him at the time. When he argued that action and calculation were opposing ideals. The keen gleam in her eyes as she had simply said, "It is like Chess, Colin. You should always be thinking three steps ahead." He had made a glib joke at the time to deflect from his lack of understanding but he had caught the flash of disappointment on her face at his dismissal.

He has known for weeks that he wanted Penelope as his future. He should have been laying down the ground work for that future. He should have been plotting and scheming to get rid of Debling. He should have been fighting for her. Instead, he wasted weeks pining, drinking, and whoring. It is no mystery why she has given him no consideration as a suitor.

He is not yet worthy of Penelope Feather, but he will be.

#bridgerton #bridgerton s3 #polin #unhinged penelope featherington #unhinged colin bridgerton #penelope x colin #alfred debling

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salllzy · 3 days

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I really like your ramblings corner. They make for an interesting read!

Are you planning on elaborating more on #8? I wonder what Charlie is planning to make both of them go along with her idea. Though judging by prior ramblings Lucifer will not be hard to persuade. Alastor on the other hand…

Will she play up the ‘I am your daughter and I want my dads to get along’ card?

Hi hun, First thanks for taking the time to read the absolute insanity that is the ramblings. There are plenty more in the works or due to be posted soon. To expand on rambling #8 a bit more. So part of the reason as to why Alastor hates Lucifer so much, is that he sees him as a deadbeat dad that doesn't deserve Charlie, after all, who in their right mind would let someone as sweet and naive as Charlie out in Hell alone? An incompetent moron as far as Alastor is concerned and it doesn't help that he has gotten attached to Charlie, against his wishes. So as far as Alastor is concerned he would make a better dad for Charlie, he has been there for Charlie while Lucifer wasn't and that is points against Lucifer. That being said, Alastor is willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, Lucifer is the King of Hell and Alastor is aware of how much of a task that is. He is an Overlord after all and if he has to deal with mountains of paperwork and dull, tedious meetings then what does Lucifer have to endure? Alastor also doesn't like Lilith either, from what he has been told by Charlie, Lilith left and hasn't bothered to come back. So Alastor is filling in the roles of both mother and father for Charlie. Something that he didn't see himself doing when he decided to help Charlie with the hotel. He had predicted entertainment and some fights, but bonding with someone? That hadn't been on the table. So he had resisted it in the beginning, he had no intention of getting attached, to get attached was to have a weakness. One that he couldn't afford to have. But he is attached and that means that he is invested, that also means that they are under his protection and he will protect them against anything that is a threat to them including deadbeat parents. Lucifer just finds the whole thing arousing and hot. No one has ever stood up to him before and called him out, he is the King of Hell and that comes with certain lines that demons be they sinner or hellborn will not cross and yet? Alastor is pole-vaulting over them as if they are going out of style.

So naturally Lucifer is going to put a ring on Alastor, once Alastor stops trying to strangle him every time he opens his mouth. Hope that helps hun! If not feel free to ask some more questions.

#ask sal #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel lucifer #radioapple

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shitpostingkats · 5 months

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I wanna live in the yugioh world solely so I can watch the defucntland episode about Maximillion Pegasus.

#Imagine he gets derailed halfway through just trying to site all the real world dragons that inspired famous monsters cards #in a similar vein: Hbomberguys video essay about Seto Kaiba #yugioh #rambles #maximillion pegasus

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bucket-of-amethyst · 8 months

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u know when u walk inside a room and immediately forget why u were there in the first place so you have to retrace ur steps to try to remember and FINALLY the decked out voice that lives inside ur head draws MOMENT OF CLARITY and u remember what u were gonna do

#brain needs to draw cards faster #bucket of ramble #hermitcraft #decked out 2 #do2 #mcyt

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hananoami · 1 month

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8 hours later and I’m still thinking about that god damn S M I R K . . .

#love and deepspace #;not me rambling into the void #double kiss #zayne love and deepspace #zayne #li shen #rei #lee seoeon #honestly feeling attacked rn #this has to be an ATK card #aint no way it’s not

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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absolute-flaming-trash · 4 months

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Alastor being desperate and unhinged is as delightful as it is fucking terrifying because now that it's fully confirmed that he's in a deal of his own (one he very much wants out of) it doesn't take much to think about what he's going to use Charlie's "favor" for when he finally collects.

#riri rambles #Hazbin Hotel #Hazbin Hotel Spoilers #Alastor #Hazbin Alastor #screaming and hollering #needing Alastor near feral on the brink of death wasn't on my 2024 bingo card #but here we are

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etirabys · 4 months

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meandering post about reading Orson Scott Card again

I've been offline starting at 9pm every day (except once. I was drunk at karaoke and asked for anons at 8:30pm) for six weeks, with the result that in befuddled boredom two nights ago I picked up Orson Scott Card's Songmaster from the house bookshelf.

I read Ender's Game and three sequels when I was a teen thought the books were mid. Since those are OSC's best works I assumed he had nothing more interesting to offer me and didn't try more of him for fifteen years, but Songmaster was compelling enough that I immediately afterwards picked up The Memory of Earth, the first book of a pentalogy.

TMoE is extremely my jam: after humanity blows itself up on Earth, AIs monitor thriving human civilizations in the planets that survivors managed to escape to, and suppress any tech that enables large scale violence by exerting low key mind control via satellites. But forty million years pass, many of the satellites break down, and the AI needs help from humans to restore capabilities. Because as its control wanes, people are starting to e.g. conceive of airplanes or bombs again, and override the injunctions against entering military alliances more than two edges of connection away.

The AI is worshipped as a god all over the planet, but the fourteen year old protagonist that becomes one of the AI's agents tells the AI from the beginning that he'll break with it if its morality seems wrong to him. I like the fourteen year old – unlike Ender or Songmaster's protagonist (adult minds piloting ten year old bodies), he's a normal gifted kid who's unpopular 50% due to his ego and big mouth and 50% because he's socially inept and offends people even when he's trying to be nice.

Songmaster is also partly about a permanent solution to large-scale violence, albeit through one guy who establishes a monopoly on violence and sweeps in pax galactica. Both it and TMoE are preoccupied with the eradication of suffering from evil / human violence, which is closer to my resonant frequency than narratives about defeating particular people or ideologies. At the moment I can't think of any other book with such an insistent focus on the matter than T.H. White's The Once and Future King. It's hard to make a compelling story out of, and I don't think Songmaster really succeeds, but TMoE's premise is well suited to explore that. (I'm also enjoying the matriarchal culture where everyone is expected to have multiple serial-monogamous marriages.) After reading 70% of TMoE last night I wrote:

Usually when I read fiction there's a small part of me going, how can I use this as fodder for my own growth, how can I remix or improve or react against this, how do the author and I measure against each other? (If the quality and content are at an anti-sweet spot, the small part becomes quite large and I feel all teeth towards the author.) But on occasion I read something so close that the absence of that measuring-feeling is its own sensation – ego departs, or at least is split across two bodies. There's just amity and recognition

And it's pretty interesting to feel this way about Card for, well, the reasons.

(If you're familiar with Card drama none of the following will be new to you; I'm coming to it fresh so the rest of this post is me going "uh... wow")

I vaguely knew he was a homophobic Mormon who'd gotten into fights about gay stuff, but I couldn't tell from the Ender books I read. But in Songmaster his issues spring off the page in such a weird way. Every fifth Goodreads review of this book is "Card, u gay?" because, well,

(One review, possibly from a fellow Mormon, that went "Card, it's so sinful of you to be this gay in your novel". Why did he write this book that would predictably make everyone mad...)

it's full of gay male desire. The protagonist (Ansset) is approximately a castrato and characters notice him sexually a lot. The first and only time Ansset has sex it's with a Kinsey 4-5 male character he loves, who's married to a woman but has fallen in love with Ansset. It turns out the drugs Ansset took to prolong his singing career painfully and only-kinda-figuratively explode your balls when you have your first orgasm and you'll never feel sexual desire again. (You'd think his loving teachers would have warned him of that, but, whatever, they didn't.) The other guy is literally castrated in punishment for inadvertently torturing a highly valuable castrato. It's pretty bald: GAY SEX IS ALMOST IRRESISTIBLY TEMPTING BUT YOU SHOULDN'T DO IT.

(Sidenote: both Ansset and the guy's wife are very close and have a "there's enough love to go around" attitude about the gay sex initially, before they go "wait Josif is a SERIAL MONOGAMIST... he can only love one person at a time... the moment he had the gay sex his marriage was destroyed". It's funny in a mildly stupid way that Card would set up this parable of homosexuality destroying lives and a marriage but almost everyone involved is peacefully ready to sail into an open marriage. I guess it makes sense if you want to say very clearly that THE GAY PART IS THE BAD PART)

which is fascinating to me, because... why would you tell on yourself like that

(81k also told me secondhand of an essay? interview? where Card openly says "we have to stand against legalizing gay marriage because everyone will get gay married and society will collapse", so that's informing my read of Songmaster as well)

I am pretty dang open about my personal life online but if I had a lot of feelings I thought were disgusting and immoral I would not write a novel dripping with those feelings before pointedly castrating the leads for them. Especially if it wasn't relevant to the actually highbrow themes of (checks notes) winning over your adversaries with kindness and never relinquishing your monopoly on violence. I would be so so so so embarrassed to let this go to print, it's so psychologically transparent, what was he thinking

(Well, I assume he's a very different person with different social incentives. For all I know, people in his church went "hey Orson we read your book and it's clear that you're gay but signaling strongly that you won't give into the gay feelings, we're here for you, it was really brave of you to publish this".)

#rambl #orson scott card #eti reads stuff #eti reads the homecoming saga #songmaster #content note: homophobia

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