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#casey is a bit of a mess but i love her very much

irish-urn · 2 years

Note

My favorite thing is when Derek calls Casey ‘baby’ 🥹

OKAY. SO. SO.

This is one of those things that I've thought and over-thought and over-thought about, because, like... Casey! Why are you so complicated??? So, uh. Here's a rambling essay regarding the "baby" issue in my kick at the darkness 'till it bleeds daylight series:

So, Derek calling Casey "baby" is the most instinctual, Derek thing I can imagine him doing. Especially when Casey's in the middle of a panic attack. Derek being okay (and actually melting) when he's called baby is also something I feel very strongly about because LOOK AT HIM. He wouldn't like it all the time, or in public, but I think he would really see it as... proof? that Casey loves him like he loves her... I don't know if I'm wording this right, but basically, them using the same language puts them and their feelings on equal footing... or something like that (Derek's brain is kinda a mess too).

Casey, though... The whole thing for me boils down to this being another incident of Casey choosing her brain over her heart. Because every time I write Derek calling Casey "baby", the Casey in my head immediately has two reactions almost simultaneously: that basic oh I like this, this sounds right countered with I shouldn't like this; I'm stronger than this.

And then we get into the messy, over-complicatedness that is Casey's brain. Because, kind of like I answered in a comment on "fraction of a second", Casey doesn't want to be known as "Derek's baby/girl/woman". She wants to be known as Casey McDonald first and foremost, and ever since her mom married George, her life has revolved around Derek Venturi. I honestly believe that's one of the reasons the prospect of going to New York would be so tempting BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS HER OR DEREK IN NY. She would always be just Casey McDonald; Derek Venturi would basically not exist. And can you imagine how freeing that would be? Can you imagine how much freedom and agency she would suddenly feel like she had? A world without Derek Venturi — ignore the parts of her that miss him, ignore that hollow feeling in her stomach when someone mentions hockey or home videos or the Toronto Maple Leafs — she is finally free to be herself, whatever that might mean.

Taking all that into account, she's also aware that Derek has more experience dating and such than she does (at least in my stories; some people have stories where this is not the case, and that's also amazing). Casey likes to be special, she's kind of a princess, and she can be fairly jealous and possessive (but so can Derek, and as long as they communicate and understand each other, I don't consider this a red flag). So, there's a part of her that wonders how many other girls has Derek called 'baby'? Is there enough that maybe he's not thinking about her, Casey McDonald, when he says it (that's never going to be the case (haha), but you get what she's thinking) but of someone else?

ALSO: "baby" is infantilizing (is that the right word?) and as a strong, capable feminist, she shouldn't want to be called that. She needs to overcome the parts of her that like it, needs to be stronger than her basic instincts. She has a brain and a personality and worth, and she's going to exercise them.

...which brings us back to Casey having all of these contradictory reactions to being called 'baby', which kind of makes her anxious; so to avoid all of that, she asks to not be called it. Derek respects this, and makes a genuine, sincere effort not to call her that; but he slips up sometimes, usually when she's panicking or crying and he's trying to comfort her, because it's so instinctive because she is his baby, his princess, his Casey.

...and as time goes on, and Casey matures and settles into who she is and their relationship (because she is far more comfortable with Derek&Casey in private and at Queen's than with their family or in London or around hockey dudes) ...she starts to accept that her pleasure in that name doesn't take away her worth at all, and that it doesn't make her weak either. She doesn't call Derek "baby" because she thinks he's weak; she calls him that because she loves him, but sometimes "I love you" isn't enough for that incredibly intense, desperate ache in your heart. And I think they would talk about it, and figure stuff out, and... yeah.

Give Casey a few years to figure out herself and this relationship, and Derek's efforts will be rewarded. <3

#asks #kick at the darkness 'till it bleeds daylight #dasey #casey is a bit of a mess but i love her very much

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mad4turtles · 7 months

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Can I get some Uncle Tello- Baby/Toddler Casey Jones Jr bonding fluff? Their bond is just so cute and funny to me & I just keep thinking about Donatello "I don't like kids, but if anyone even breathes wrong in Casey Jr's direction I will not hesitate to take someone out" Hamato aka 'the grumpy, protective uncle who grows to love his nephew very much but would never willingly admit it outloud (especially to his twin. Too bad for him Leo most likely already knows. again. twins lol ). Cause I can imagine poor guy had a hard time coping with the fact that CJ can destroy anyone's "emotionally unavailable bad-boy" image with little effort if you give him the time. And Donnie learned the hard way 😂

I am SO sorry this took so long! This prompt is golden and I love it, here you go!

Donatello tolerates children. He doesn't hate them because, believe it or not, there is a difference between the two.

He understands from a logistical standpoint that children function differently from adults. They're still navigating the world, cry when a need isn't met, laugh when you tickle them or someone falls on their face, and put everything and anything within reach in their mouth to figure out what it is and if they can eat it. Most of the time, the answer is no.

Donnie understands that, so he tolerates children. And as the world caves in and he's forced to intermingle with more humans and Yokai than he'll ever see (the numbers dwindle daily, but who's counting?), his tolerance builds. Though his position in the Resistance—Keeping Everyone Alive Under Six Feet of Earth and Limited Oxygen—keeps him cooped up in his lab and limits his interaction with people in general, on the odd days he's not locked in there with a sign that reads 'Keep Out or Get Bit', he'd say he does a decent job. Take that, autism.

It's on one of these odd days Cassandra Jones kicks the door of the mess hall down with enough force to send it flying, holds up a dirty bundle with a squirming thing inside and screeches. “I have acquired a child!”

And that was that.

Well, not really; there was a lot of screeching, demanding, explaining and even more frantic demanding involved. But Donnie barely remembers most of it. He'd been busy staring at the little pink face peeking out from the ragged cloth wrapped hastily around a tiny body, wondering how and why anyone would abandon him.

Logically, he knew why. Babies smell, they're defenceless, needy and loud. All recipes for disaster—death—in the alien apocalypse. Logically, he knew it was better to cut your losses and ditch, lighten the load, ease the burden and raise your chances of survival.

Emotionally, irrationally, he wanted to find the blood mother and kill her himself.

Regardless, Cassandra had claimed him, named him—Casey Jones Jr, of course—and the Hamato's had a new family member.

Cass was a mother, and Donnie was suddenly an uncle.

Cassandra, despite herself, is a great mother. She feeds, clothes, bathes and teaches Jr with the ferocity and vigour she's always had in spades but dipped in a new warmth and love Donnie never would have associated with her. It's unexpected, but Cass wouldn't be Cass if she weren't screwing Donnie's perception of reality in her every waking moment.

April and Raph dote on him something awful with baby voices and whatever toys they find or have donated to them by other understanding and indulgent parents. Mikey cries when he takes his first steps. Draxum gifts him a Yokai necklace made from dragon teeth and scales.

(“He can eat them once his feeble infant teeth fall out,” he explains while stoically cradling the giggling infant on one clawed palm, outwardly indifferent yet impossibly gentle. “They will harden his skin and strengthen his bones to iron. No Krang would dare stand in his way.”

“We are not,” April says, “feeding dragon teeth to my nephew, Draxum.”

“As his grandfather, I should have some say in his dietary requirements. Cassandra agrees with me!”

“I will bury you, Draxum,” April growls in a tone that promises unspeakable violence. “I will bury you deep.”

“... understood.”)

Leo lets him chew on his mask tails while rocking him to sleep. He also cries like a bitch when the little pink thing looks him in the eye, drool dribbling down his chin and his gummy smile miles and miles wide and says—“Weo!”

(Donnie thinks Splinter would have loved him just as much. Shared with him the stories and legacy of their clan, sang to him the same old Japanese lullabies, enthralled him with the tales of Lou Jitsu, everything he'd wanted to do should he ever become a grandfather.)

Donnie doesn't see Casey much. Not by choice, but he's a busy freaking turtle and one-year-olds are notoriously for being loud, distracting little things that Donnie cannot afford, now more than ever.

He knows their chances of winning the war are slim at best and impossible at worst. Hope can only take you so far, crazy mystic powers or not. They've already lost so much of their world. They've already lost Dad.

So Donnie needs to focus, work and keep working so they won't lose anyone else. Anything less than the best possible outcome is not a thread of logic he is willing to follow.

Then there's a knock at his door.

Without turning from his multiple screens, mystic or otherwise, Donnie grunts, “It had better be good—”

Cassandra bursts through the door, blazes across the room, dumps something on Donnie's lap—“HOLD THIS I WILL RETURN SHORTLY SHUT UP AND THANK YOU FAREWELL!”—and slams the door behind her on her way out.

Donnie sits bamboozled in his chair in the aftermath of her whirlwind. He stares at the scorch marks her feet left on the floor, the angle his door sits at after she'd slammed it near off its hinges—

“Ba!”

—and at the one-year-old pink thing she'd left to drool on his lap.

“Oh hell no, hell no—Cassandra Bernid Jones!” he hollers to no reply.

How in the shit could she do this to him?! Why in the shit?!

Junior giggles at Donnie's misery, kicking his bare feet madly and clapping damp hands. He must've had his fingers in his mouth. Joy.

“Cassandra, come back for your child or I will feed you to the nearest Krang Hound!” Donnie shouts. Unsurprisingly, his only answer is more of Junior's incessant giggling. Pudgy fingers reach for Donnie's face and Donnie lifts him higher, further away. Junior shrieks with joy.

Growling, Donnie activates the mechanical arms in his shell to carefully lift the child off his lap as he stands, holding him at a fair distance. The child is delighted by this and kicks harder, screaming with unbridled joy and having the time of his life. Donnie stares, fighting a scowl and a flinch because dear god how can something so small be so ungodly loud?

Donnie wants to smash something. Ironically, the indirect source of his ire keeps that desire at bay, but it doesn't stop him from grinding his teeth.

He's busy running updates on their freaking security system, the only thing keeping the Krang from finding them and killing everything that breathes. Cassandra knows this, everyone knows this, he'd sent them an email about it! So why, in the ever-loving shit, would Cassandra literally drop her child off with the one person who has a history of only tolerating children? Sure it's his adopted nephew, but he can only last so much in the presence of his own blood relatives for Christ—

He doesn't realize he's hissing, a low guttural thing rivalled only by Raphael at his angriest, until Junior stops laughing.

As much as they postured and played with fashion, aesthetics and trends as teenagers, Donnie and his brothers are mutants, and by (non-freaky)human standards, they are not conventionally 'pretty'. And according to many honest human comrades, April included, they can be downright unnerving sometimes. Mostly when they're pissed off, their animal roots seeping through the cracks of the humanity instilled in them by a loving father. They growl, hiss, click and roar, bearing their teeth and snarling like beasts. It's worse for Donnie and Raph, the carnivores of the family and most prone to biting; Raph's size doesn't help, and Donnie has easily frightened some of their biggest and strongest Yokai allies with a flash of fangs or a warning hiss.

It's not something he likes about himself these days. It never bothered him until they were forced to interact more and more with humans who had no qualms pointing shit like that out, even now with literal aliens prowling their ruined world. Still, he's learned to roll with it like he does with everything else.

But Casey Junior looks at him—his peeled lips revealing sharp fangs grit tight in a snarl and a hiss he can't curb fast enough—and he starts crying.

Oh shit.

“Oh shit,” Donnie says, flapping his hands, ire forgotten as panic takes over. “Oh shit, the child is crying and I am the cause. Cassandra will kill me, then Draxum will bring me back as a zombie so Raph can kill me again.”

What the hell does he do? Make funny faces? Pretend to trip over and fall flat on his snoot? Kids love physical comedy, pain is always funny! Or maybe he—or—oh who is he kidding, he's screwed. And the baby is still crying, kicking his feet and red in the face. Donnie lowers but doesn't touch him, biting his lip as his thoughts race. Not even five minutes and he's proven he cannot handle a child. How does Raph do this? How did Dad put up with this for seventeen years—

Oh wait, there's an idea. What did Dad do?

Trick question: Donnie knows exactly what Dad did when they were younger, and eight times out of ten it worked. The problem lies with Donnie and his intense aversion to all things stinky and gross and loud, all of which Casey Jr is.

But Donnie has seen and lived with worse even before the world went to shit. He lived with Leo and Mikey as his little brothers; they piss him off like it's their personal mission, but he loves them so fiercely it's painful. He'd look death in the eye and double-dog dare it to do its worst for them.

This is his baby nephew. He's not been around nearly as long but surely, surely, Donnie can get over himself for him, too.

(Even if he is a busy turtle working his ass off at the end of the world. But family is different. Family trumps everything.)

So Donnie swallows, takes a deep breath, takes Casey from the mechanical arms before dismissing them into his shell—“I'm doing it, I'm freaking doing it—” and pulls Casey into his arms, holding him tight against his chest.

The crying doesn't magically cease as Donnie had hoped, but it dies down into kitten-like sniffles that do—something to Donnie's heart, squeezing and twisting it in a way he hasn't felt since Mikey was this small, maybe smaller. Whatever it is, it compels him to cup the back of Casey's ebony head and press his (grossgrossgross) face into the exposed crook of Donnie's neck.

“Um... there there,” he says clumsily, patting Casey's back with his other hand. “Cease your crying. It's making my knees hurt and my chest do weird, fuzzy things I don't have time for.”

Casey turns his head at Donnie's voice, frighteningly alert.

Hm.

With a claw from his battle shell, he pulls his purple hood up, shielding Casey from the neon glare of his computer screens and LED lights around the lab.

“I apologize for scaring you,” he says a decibel softer. Casey turns his head again in response, still sniffling but significantly calmer. “I am angry, yes, but I am not angry at you. It was unfair of me to show my ire that way, especially in front of you, child who is easily frightened by loud noises and yet is scarily perceptive of the moods of the people around you...”

Casey lays his head against Donnie's shoulder, blinking up at him with big watery eyes. Donnie blinks back.

This is... not awful. It's progress. Progress is good. This is good.

He tears his gaze from Jr's—as deadly a weapon as Mikey's eyes for sure—and sways from side to side the way he used to do for Leo when they were young and scared. He hums a tune under his breath, one from that Ghibli movie about little people; he can't remember the film's name but the song at the end was cute and catchy as it was corny. Even years later, he remembers the words—

“I'm 14 years old, I am pretty. I'm a teen tiny girl, a little lady. I live under the kitchen floor. Right here, not so far from you.”

The sniffles die off, Casey's pudgy fingers grasping Donnie's torn hood, tiny nose buried against cool scales. Donnie keeps going, softly rubbing Casey's back the way Dad would rub his shell during Donnie's worse days. The memory brings tears to his eyes, so he shuts them before they can fall.

“Sometimes I feel happy, sometimes I feel blue. In my dreams O I wish I could... Feel my hair blowing in the wind, see the sky and the summer rain, pick a flower from the garden for you. Beyond the lane there's another world, butterflies floating in the air. But is there someone out there for me?”

By the end, Donnie looks down to see Casey fast asleep, sucking his thumb and drooling on Donnie's shoulder. For a breathless moment that lasts an eternity, Donnie is spellbound, staring at the little pink thing—a biological miracle someone had so quickly discarded on the barren streets of a dying world, a little life that had persevered despite every odd stacked against it, Cassandra's son, Donnie's little infant nephew—he cradles in his arms. For the first time he doesn't care for the slimy drool coating his shoulder, the bacteria or anything his body and brain would outright reject.

Donnie stares at Casey Jones Jr and finally pins a name to the fuzzy feeling in his chest.

Oh.

“Oh,” he says. Jr snuffles in his sleep.

---

When Leo turns a corner to find Mikey, Raph, April and Cassandra huddled outside Donnie's lab doors, he almost turns around to avoid the oncoming storm of Donnie's short temper. The gossip in him wins out in the end as he squeezes between Raph and Cassandra to peer through the crack in the door.

What he sees has him gaping like a fish.

Donatello Hamato—the Resistance's resident genius and hermit—sits languidly at his desk surrounded by screens, one hand tapping away at holographic screens, breezing through emails. The other arm curls around a babbling Casey Jr, grubby hands clenched tight on one of Donnie's old rubber fidget toys as he gnaws on it like a dog with a bone.

“The shipment from Asia's remaining base in Hong Kong should be arriving at the port between noon and sixteen hundred hours tomorrow,” Donnie rambles, eyes scanning a long wall of encrypted mystic text.

“Ba!” Casey cries around the toy, kicking his legs.

Donnie nods with a hum, scratching his chin. “Yes, I agree. Krang activity has intensified alarmingly at the Old Port since the refugee extraction six months ago, but there's no time to plan a safer route...”

“Ba dee ba!” Casey blows a messy raspberry. Not missing a beat, a mechanical arm pops from Donnie's shell to wipe the baby's mouth with a cloth before discarding it.

“You're right, Jr. I suppose there's no helping the matter. We must brief the teams as soon as possible to discuss the matter, rally what factions we have at our disposal—”

“Eeeee!” Casey screeches before bursting into giggles.

Donnie brightens. “Of course! We could send the drones! They're stealthier and won't incur a needless massacre at the hands of psychopathic aliens. If anything, we shall be doing the massacring once I've outfitted the drones with my newest Genius Built trademark mystic weaponry! Excellent idea Casey Jones Jr, what would I do without your added brilliance.”

“Don-NEE!” Casey cries.

“Yes yes, I'll send the email and hopefully one of those dumb dumbs will actually read—wait, what did you say?” Donnie drops the screens and plucks Casey off his lap to stare him in the face with wide eyes. “Did—Did you just—did you just say—?”

“Don!” Casey giggles, wiggling in Donnie's grip. “Don don don don don! Don-NEE!”

Donnie stares and stares and stares. A stupidly happy grin splits his face in two. “Oh my god.”

“Oh my god,” Mikey breathes with a matching grin.

“Would'ja look at that,” Raph chuckles, his smile a proud, fond thing.

“Knew he had it in him,” April nods.

“Which means Leonardo owes me fifty bucks!” Cassandra quietly whoops.

Tearing his eyes away from the horrendously cute picture of his twin and nephew, Leo aims a sly grin at Cassandra. “I would if we still used actual money as a source of income or trade.” Cassandra's grin drops like a stone, and Leo fights an evil cackle that would make Draxum proud. “Cash hasn't been a thing in years, Cassandra dear. Get dunked on.”

“Bite my ass, you di—!”

The door abruptly slides open the rest of the way and they tumble to the floor in a heap. Above them, Donatello stands unimpressed, brow raised and one hand on his hip. Curled in his other arm, Jr babbles happily and reaches for Cassandra.

“Evening all,” Donnie drones as they clambered guiltily to their feet. “To what do I owe this displeasure.”

“Nothing at all!” Cassandra said, shooting Leo a poisonous glare before opening her arms to receive her son. “Thank you for looking after my child, I will take him back now and relinquish you from your—”

“A-bub-bub-bub!” Donnie turns slightly, putting Jr out of her reach. “I have decided that Jr may stay a few hours longer while I run the regular diagnostics and schedule that meeting you no doubt heard about while you were unceremoniously eavesdropping at my still broken door—thank you for that Cassandra, by the way—he is no trouble presently and makes an excellent rubber duck to bounce ideas off. Don't you agree, Jr?”

Jr snaps his head up to beam at Donnie. “Ah!” he says. Donnie's impassive face melts into a rare smile that Leo aches to see. He's not smiled like that since before Dad...

Cassandra's arms flop to her sides. April, Mikey and Raph stare, rendered speechless until April lifts a finger. “... er, Don, are you sure—?”

“Quite sure, Commander O'Neil,” the impassive mask returns, but Donnie's fooling no one. “Now if you don't mind, Jr and I are very busy bees and must get back to work, so begone. And while you're at it, please issue this new warning to the rest of the base: 'I have only had Casey Jones Jr for five hours, but if anything happens to him, I will kill everyone in this base and then myself.' Good day.”

“Goo' 'ay!” Casey chimes and Leo has a front-row seat to Donnie's delighted crooked smirk right before he slams the door shut in their faces.

There's a beat of silence.

Then Raph claps his hands. “So,” he draws out with a strained smile, “who saw that coming?”

“Me,” Leo sings.

“You bet against him!” Cassandra booms. “With non-existent money!”

Leo shrugs, motioning them to follow him down the hall. “Only on principle. I knew he had it in him. Jr is family and Donnie loves attention and family. It was bound to happen.”

“Aaand it was stupidly cute!” Mikey chimes, floating by them with his hands tucked under his chin.

Leo thinks of the tingle he'd felt in his chest hours ago when Cassandra first ditched—ahem—dropped Jr off with Donnie, of the familiar tune from an old, corny yet hopeful film from their childhood humming from the fringes of their Mind Meld, of the glee and soft, new, helpless love bleeding from Donnie's gaze, his smile, as Jr babbled his name.

Leo smiles. “Yeah. Stupidly cute.”

---

Reblogs are appreciated! Feel free to drop more requests! For those of you still waiting, thank you for your patience I will get to them soon! :3 <3

#rottmnt #my writing #rottmnt fic #rottmnt movie #bad future rottmnt #bad future timeline #casey jones jr #casey jr #uncle donnie #i love them with all my heart #they are family your honor

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storyofmychoices · 5 months

Text

Holiday Cheer 🎄 ❤️ 💚

My loveliest @jerzwriter and @lilyoffandoms, I adore you both so very much! I am grateful to this fandom for bring you both into my life! You both make this fandom a better place by being your amazing selves. Love you both!!!

I hope you enjoy this holiday art of our Open Heart babies by the always lovely, @weetlebeetle!

Holiday Cheer 🎄 ❤️ 💚

Prompts: Christmas: @choicesdecember2023, @choicesficwriterscreations, @choicesholidays, @choicesflashfics (holiday prompt, in bold)

Pairing: Bryce x Olivia , Ethan x Merida (@lilyoffandoms), Tobias x Casey (@jerzwriter)

Book: Open Heart

Word Count: >700

Rating/Warnings: general

Synopsis: Olivia, Merida, and Casey decide to decorate the Diagnostic Office.

The Diagnostic Office buzzed with festive energy as Olivia, Casey, and Merida decorated Ethan's office with holiday cheer. The trio, wearing holiday sweaters and festive headbands, worked diligently, preparing a surprise for their significant others. Boxes of decorations lay scattered across the room. In the center of the space lay a jumbled mess of tangled lights.

Casey grappled with the relentless knots in the string lights, muttering under her breath. The more of the knots she freed, the more the lights seemed to conspire, weaving her into their tangled web.

Merida offered her assistance, teasing her friend playfully. "Making friends with the lights, Casey? Or are they plotting a holiday takeover?"

"They seem a formidable foe," Olivia chimed in, giggling as she watched Casey try to unravel a particularly tangled section.

"Ugh! I feel like neurosurgery would be easier than this," Casey joked, tediously separating the stubbornly intertwined wires.

Olivia added miniature ornaments to the long strands of garlands strewn around the rooms, her eyes sparkling with joy. "I can't wait to see their faces when they walk in." She clapped her hands enthusiastically, unable to contain her excitement.

"Finally!" Casey jumped up, pumping her hands in the air in victory. She quickly gathered the lights, placing them in Olivia's arms. "They're all yours!"

"My pleasure!" Olivia took the lights, holding them up in front of her, deciding on their perfect placement.

A mischievous spark flickered in Casey's eyes as she caught Merida's attention. "Let's add a little extra surprise." She produced a small sprig of mistletoe from her bag.

Merida's brow arched. "Do you and Tobias really need another reason to be all over each other?"

"Oh, it's not for me," Casey teased, winking toward Merida. "I think we can all agree that a certain diagnostician would benefit from letting loose a little bit."

"I'm not sure he'll share your sentiment, but I'm willing to risk it. Who knows, maybe we'll see our own Christmas miracle," Merida retorted.

With stealthy precision, they positioned the mistletoe above the office doorway, chuckling at the playful addition to the festive decor.

The two stood beneath it, making sure it was safely secured, and somewhat out of sight.

Merida's gaze shifted between the decor and Casey. "If this doesn't get Ethan's attention, I'm sure I could find someone else to take advantage of it with?"

Casey shrugged coyly, curious by the prospect, "And, perhaps also even if he does!"

As the three friends finished up, the room transformed into a cozy haven adorned with twinkling lights and festive cheer.

Just then, the door swung open, and Bryce, Ethan, and Tobias entered, greeted by the sight of the dazzlingly decorated office. Their eyes widened in surprise and appreciation, well, at least for two of them.

“It looks like Santa threw up in here," Ethan grumbled.

"It's festive," Tobias quickly defended, admiring the decorations. "You gotta lighten up, Scrooge."

"I wish someone would decorate the O.R. like this," Bryce added gleefully.

"You do realize that none of this is sterile," Ethan interrupted. “So unless you plan to risk your patients lives, you do not wish someone to decorate the O.R.”

"Ignore him," Bryce wrapped his arms around Olivia, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "It's beautiful."

Ethan sighed, rubbing the space between his brows. He was truly outnumbered. He always was, but sometimes he had Olivia on his side. Not this time. “...It can stay," he mumbled reluctantly.

"It really wasn't an option," Casey smirked.

Ethan stepped further into his office, but his movements were halted.

"Not so fast—" Merida sauntered forward, pressing Ethan back under the doorway once more. "I believe you owe me a kiss."

"That's a juvenile tradition," he protested.

"Are you refusing? You know that's bad luck."

"You know I don't believe in luck."

Merida shook her head; she wanted to scold him but this was who he was, and she loved him for it. Her fingers flirted with his tie a moment, before she pulled him down to her, her lips crashing against his.

Their embrace was met by whistles and howls from their friends. The pair ignored them, their lingering kiss enduring.

Casey turned to Tobias, her voice soft, "Merry Christmas." Her lips met his tenderly.

Olivia leaned further into Bryce, letting the warmth and comfort of his embrace engulf her as she marveled at the beautiful lights and displays surrounding them.

Their jobs weren't always easy, and sometimes things could seem bleak, but right now, surrounded by their friends and such a cheerful display, everything seemed just right.

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maximoffcarter · 2 months

Text

I dare you to.

Pairings: Casey Novak x Alex Cabot, Olivia Benson x Amanda Rollins.

Summary: The return of Casey Novak and Alexandra Cabot was definitely a surprise to everyone, but it also brought back that light that the squad needed. Olivia, Amanda, Casey and Alex became pretty close to the point where they started having girls night. Is a dare enough to bring Casey and Alex together?

A/n: This was requested by @saurgaeee so this is specially dedicated for her and I gotta thank her cause she keeps giving me all these ideas that I love writing🫢 She keeps my writing era going🫶🏻 This is situated between s12-s13, and yes...I had to make Liv and Mandy a couple cause I love them so. If you got any requests, send them my way, I'll try to deliver them to you, don't be shy to message me or leave a comment! Enjoy and leave your comments, reblogs, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

*not my gifs*

The return of Casey Novak and Alexandra Cabot was definitely a surprise to everyone, even more after the whole ordeal of finding a new permanent ADA and ending up with people that didn’t stick to the team for long. There had been so many changes that at some point they felt a bit lost on what was going on in the precinct. New detectives joined, another ADA stopped by every single new case, it was a mess. So when both Casey and Alex came back, there was a light that was brought back to the squad, hearing the great news that they’d be sharing cases and helping each other out. Soon enough, the squad became close, both Casey and Alex now joined them for drinks after tough cases or after they won a case, either way, the squad was stronger than ever.

After the new of Olivia and Amanda dating, they became really close with Casey and Alex, being the only women that were part of the squad, somehow they became closer and at some point, girls night became a thing. It was a bit silly for Casey and Alex, even for Olivia, but Amanda encouraged them to keep it going, saying that it was a way to distract themselves from the daily workload and the cases they had to endure every single day, and she was not wrong, it helped as a distraction, it was fun, though they hated to admit it out loud. At some point they started not only meeting for drinks, but also for dinner and at some point they ended up going to Amanda’s house for dinners, board games and drinks; yes, they all had fun the first time, so they kept it going.

Olivia and Elliot were questioning a possible suspect, while Casey and Amanda stood in front of the window watching them work. The suspect was known for having flirting with every possible woman that stood in front of him, which of course Olivia had offered to go inside to play his games and try to get something, any possible information that could help them with the case. Amanda only laughed whenever he seemed to think he was being smart and he was getting all the attention, but in reality Olivia was getting him where she wanted.

“I bet you that Elliot is going to lose his mind in the next 3 minutes.” Amanda grinned as she looked at Casey.

Casey chuckled. “Elliot can last a bit longer. Liv is getting him to talk. Just a little more, and we have what we need.”

“C’mon, Case. You know Elliot. He’ll lose it.” Amanda looked back at them and shook her head.

“What do you bet?” Casey raised her brow and looked at Amanda.

Amanda looked back at Casey and grinned. “If he pins him against the wall in the next 5 minutes, tomorrow’s movie is gonna be a scary one. And not only a horror…but a horror that involves dolls.”

Casey rolled her eyes playfully. “Could you be any more childish, Rollins?” She smiled.

“Afraid to lose, Novak?”

Casey sighed as she nodded, looking back at them. “Fine.”

They both stared back at them, not even 2 minutes later, the suspect tried to touch Olivia and Elliot stopped him by grabbing him by his collar and pinning him against the wall, soon enough being pulled away by Amaro and Fin, trying to get Elliot out of the room. Amanda looked at Casey with a playful smirk and shrugged. Casey rolled her eyes again and grabbed her briefcase, walking out of the room followed by Amanda.

Olivia walked to her desk as she sighed and looked back at Casey and Amanda. “Is that enough?”

Casey nodded. “I could build a case with what he said, there is no way he’s getting out of this.”

Olivia nodded. “Good.” She then looked at her girlfriend and furrowed her brows. “What you smirking at?”

Amanda shrugged. “We’re watching a horror movie, tomorrow.” She grinned. “With scary dolls in it.” She looked back at Casey.

Olivia looked back at Casey. “I thought you hated-“

“Don’t even.” Casey sighed as she looked back at Amanda. “Guess I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” She offered a fake smile and then started to walk away.

“Don’t forget to tell Cabot!” Amanda yelled as she laughed.

“You really like to get on their nerves, don’t you?” Olivia grinned as she looked at Amanda.

“Oh, c’mon Liv. We need an excuse to get these together. What better than a horror movie?” Amanda winked.

“You do know that Alex is gonna come for you.”

“She’ll come to thank me.” Amanda smiled.

Olivia sighed as she kissed her forehead. “You’re going down yourself.” She chuckled as she sat on her desk.

********************

Alex groaned as she took off her glasses, putting them in front of her and rubbing her face softly, feeling the stress getting to her. She had been working on this case for a while now, she was still going over notes and evidence, but if she didn’t make a deal, she was afraid that she’d lose this case. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed, putting back her glasses on and diving into the file again. But just in time, Casey knocked on her door and suddenly all that stress was vanishing away. She had never said it out loud, and she didn’t think she’d ever say it, but Alex had had the biggest crush on Casey ever since she came back for her own case, sitting in Casey’s office and talking to her had been the highlight of her day -if not her whole year-. Even if Alex was nervous and stressed about being back in courtroom and not exactly doing the questions but answering them, Casey definitely knew how to make her feel relaxed and got a laugh or two, making Alex feel less like a victim. After that day, she wished to see Casey again, but she had to leave again so she never saw her again. Until she decided to come back to SVU and not long after, Casey came back too. Now with the two back, they more time together, working on cases together, helping each other out and then they started hanging out at bars and going for lunch and that’s where their friendship became stronger, and even if Alex wanted to be more than friends, she’d accept having Casey in her life no matter what.

“Case, thought you’d be with the squad.” Alex smiled.

Casey scoffed as she sat down and stretched her legs, groaning softly. “Yeah, well. I’m done over there, we got what we needed.” She sighed. “We have girls night tomorrow. Movie night.”

Alex chuckled. “You look so excited about it.” She raised her brow.

“Kinda lost a bet to Rollins. We’re watching a horror movie.” Casey shrugged.

“A horror movie doesn’t sound so bad.”

“It does when it involves dolls. You know I hate them.”

Alex raised her brow but this time, a serious look on her face. “Oh. Well…you don’t have to watch it, Casey. We can just agree on another movie.”

“I’m not a sore loser, I can do it.”

“Casey…you’ll have nightmares.” Alex chuckled softly.

“I’ll be fine, Cabot. I got this.” Casey smiled. “So, should we leave together after work?”

Alex cleared her throat as she nodded. “Yes, sure.” She smiled.

“Remember to bring comfy clothes.” Casey winked at her as she stood up. “Lunch?” She said as she walked to the door and turned to confirm with Alex.

“I-I’ll be done in 20.”

“Good, meet you in the elevator.” Casey smiled softly and then left the office.

********************

“Casey, you cannot close your eyes at all, understood?” Amanda raised her brow as she looked at Casey, turning off the lights.

Casey raised her hands. “That wasn’t part of the deal!”

“You gotta watch the whole movie, or there’ll a punishment!” Amanda sat between Olivia’s legs and chuckled softly, Olivia wrapping her arms around her.

Casey rolled her eyes as she moved back on the couch, crossing her arms and shrugging. “Fine.”

Alex looked at Amanda and Olivia and raised her brow. “Do we really have to watch this?” She grabbed the bowl of popcorn and handed it to Casey, sitting down beside her.

“Alex, it’s fine. A bet is a bet. I’m no loser.” Casey offered a small smile as she grabbed some popcorn.

Alex nodded softly as she smiled, looking at Casey. “Got it.” She then turned to look at Amanda and Olivia and shook her head before looking at the TV.

Olivia leaned down and whispered in Amanda’s ear. “Told you Alex would come for you.” Amanda shrugged and pressed play.

The movie started off calmly, the four of them getting into the movie. About half way through the movie, a room full of toys was shown, and in some parts of the room, there were those dolls that Casey hated so much. She knew it was a silly fear, it was even childish if she thought about it, but her whole life she had been so scared of those dolls who seemed to have real eyes, it was like they were staring into her soul whenever she saw one. What was the point of making a doll look so real? It was a toy after all. Casey took a deep breath and tried to hold onto the popcorn bowl, trying so hard not to put it in front of her face to over her eyes, she felt herself starting to feel a bit anxious as the camera focused more on the dolls, but before she could do anything else or even think of doing something, she suddenly felt a pair of hands covering her eyes. She jumped slightly but then turned to look at Alex who offered a soft smile.

Alex leaned in and whispered in Casey’s ear. “Amanda never said anything about someone else covering your eyes. You didn’t ask for me to do so.” She grinned as she moved back to her spot but still stayed close to Casey.

Casey blushed softly as she looked at Alex, smiling as she grabbed a handful of popcorn and moved her head back to look at the TV once Alex’s hand moved away, signaling that there were no more dolls for now. Amanda noticed this and looked back at Olvia, and then back at Casey and Alex. She then cleared her throat and said out loud that she’d get more snacks and drinks and for Olivia to help her out, literally dragging her to the kitchen.

“That’s so unfair!” Amanda whispered yelled as she looked at Olivia. “Can’t you say something about it?”

Olivia chuckled as she shook her head. “Oh, no way. I’d like to stay on Alex’s good side, thank you very much.”

“I hate you.”

Olivia chuckled as she kissed her forehead. “No, you don’t. You love me.” She smiled. “And I’ve told you before, dare Casey to confess her feelings for Alex. That’s what you get for not listening.”

“Are you kidding? Casey would kill me, I can’t do that!” Amanda sighed as she looked at the living room.

“Then you’ll just have to accept that this is happening and in no way you’re gonna tell Alex to stop.” Olivia chuckled. “You’re afraid of Alex.”

“I’m not, she’s really nice but…I know she’d definitely kill me if I say something to her, so I guess I’ll just accept this.” Amanda sighed as she walked to the fridge to grab some drinks for the four of them.

Once they walked back to the living room, they noticed that Casey had fallen asleep and not only that, but she had fallen asleep against Alex who now had her arms wrapped around her and her hand holding Casey’s head against her chest. Alex looked up at both women and if stares could kill, they were sure they’d be dead by now. Alex’s stare was always so intimidating, they’d literally do anything that Alex said just so they were safe. They sat back down in silence and continued watching the movie, until it was actually over. Amanda looked back at Alex and cleared her throat, trying to talk as quietly as possible.

“Well…movie is done.” Amanda offered a shy smile.

Alex sighed softly. “I cannot believe both of you thought it was a good idea. Knowing perfectly Casey hates those dolls. She could have nightmares.” She whispered softly, making sure Casey was still asleep.

“Hey, it wasn’t my idea. It was all Amanda.” Olivia said in her defense, getting a slap on her arm.

“Traitor.” Amanda furrowed her brows as she looked at Olivia.

Olivia looked back at Alex and sighed. “Plus, you should be thanking her because you have Casey in your arms.” She grinned softly.

Alex blushed and tried to look away, but her eyes landed back on Casey. “I…I’m not sure what you mean, I-“

“Alex. We know you have feelings for Casey. You have heart eyes whenever she’s around. Why would you try to deny it? Just tell her already.” Amanda shrugged as she smiled.

Alex stared at her with a deadly look in her eyes. “Shut up.” She whispered/yelled.

“All we’re saying, Alex, is that you should tell her, that’s it.” Olivia grinned as she got up to turn the lights back on.

Casey took a deep breath and stretched, groaning softly as she opened her eyes. She looked up to figure out she was leaning over Alex and blushed slightly, sitting back down. “Sorry.” She whispered as she smiled.

Alex cleared her throat, suddenly feeling warm at the sound of Casey’s sleepy voice, it was raspier than her actual voice. “No worries, slept well?”

“I did.” Casey smiled as she looked back at Amanda and Olivia. “Movie’s over?” She grinned.

Amanda rolled her eyes playfully. “Yeah, glad you got through it. Not doing that again.”

Casey chuckled softly, looking down at her watch. “We should probably go. I have arraignments in the morning.”

Alex nodded. “Agree.”

After helping them clean up a bit, grabbing their stuff and saying their goodbyes, both women left the building and got into Casey’s car. Alex loved whenever she got into Casey’s car and she just watched her drive, she felt so at ease and she enjoyed the silence between them, just the two of them. They finally got to Alex’s building and even if Alex insisted for Casey to stay in the car, Casey insisted on walking her to her apartment. They both shared some laughs while in the elevator as Alex told her Amanda’s face when she figured out that Alex was covering her eyes, Casey fascinated as she watched Alex laughing.

“Did she say anything to you?” Casey chuckled as she looked at Alex, walking down the hall to Alex’s apartment.

“No, she wouldn’t dare.” Alex raised her brow as she looked back at Casey once they were in front of her door.

Casey sighed as she smiled. “Thank you, for protecting me from evil dolls.” She chuckled.

“My pleasure.” Alex smiled.

Casey nibbled on her lip as she looked into Alex’s blue eyes, a faint smiling showing on her face. “How about dinner tomorrow?” She smiled. “Just the two of us.”

Alex’s heart fluttered as she stared into green eyes, a shy smile on her face. “I’d like that, actually.”

Casey nodded. “We can leave after work. My treat by the way, I’m the one inviting you.” She smirked.

“Fair enough. Looking forward to it.”

Casey smiled. “Me too.”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, neither of them wanting to move, and then Casey wetted her lips before she leaned in and kissed Alex’s lips softly. Alex gasped softly against her lips, her hands slowly moving to Casey’s neck to pull her closer. The kiss didn’t last long, but it was enough for both of them to feel their bodies getting warm and the usual butterflies they felt whenever they were together. Both smiled against each other’s lips and pulled away slowly. Alex smiled softly as she stroked Casey’s cheeks, a faint blush on her cheeks.

“See you at work.” Alex whispered softly.

Casey only nodded before she grabbed Alex’s hand and kissed the back of it, making her way back to the elevator. “Oh, by the way.” She turned to look at Alex and smirked. “I have feelings for you too, if…that wasn’t clear by now.” She winked at her before she disappeared.

Alex stood there at her door, mouth gaped in surprise. She huffed a chuckle as she shook her head, getting her keys to open the door. “She was awake.” She whispered softly as she chuckled again and walked into her apartment.

#casey novak #alex cabot #calex #casey novak x alex cabot #olivia benson #amanda rollins #rolivia #olivia benson x amanda rollins #svu fic #svu #law and order svu

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travlersjoy444 · 1 year

Text

On the Road to Nowhere

2012 Raph x Reader

Mutant Apocalypse timeline

Summary: After the mutagen bomb goes off, you manage to save Raph and Donnie. Sort of. Dealing with new bodies, memory loss, missing brothers and friends...was maybe not how any of you wanted your adult lives to go, but the world has changed beyond repair.

So with a heavy heart, you and your battered dream team set off onto the road to nowhere.

In other words, the early days of the Mutant Apocalypse.

Warnings: Angst, sadness, the characters cry a lot, bittersweet ending, really hefty word count, implied capriltello but it's in the background, Raphael is trans in this because it's my fic and my rules

Word count: 13.6k

***

Day 0.

Donnie was hooked up to some machine of theirs, trying as hard as he could to save his brain as their body was mangled beyond repair, Casey was texting you nonstop, Mikey and Leo were MIA, Raph was curled up on the couch, and you were sitting on the floor trying to process everything.

CaseyjONES:

R you guys okay??? No ones responding. Me and april are at my house

CaseyjONES:

(Y/N) seriously what’s going on? I know you can see this i see your read symbol

CaseyjONES:

Where are you guys???

Oh yeah. Now that you were done attaching Donnie to his one shot at survival, you could stop ignoring Casey’s texts. Nice.

You:

Sorry Case’ I was kinda preoccupied for a bit there

You:

Leo n Mikey are missing. Donnie and I retreated back into the lair. Raph is freaking out, I think he hit his head. Would ask Dee, but Dee is compromised.

CaseyjONES:

Compromised???

You:

They fell off a building and got impaled. Is currently uploading his consciousness into an old Metalhead prototype. Very horrifying to witness. Status update, I feel like throwing up.

CaseyjONES:

…

CaseyjONES:

Shit

You:

Shit indeed

You:

Anyways, I’m mostly uninjured. Arm mighta gotten mildly sprained but y’know what i’ll worry bout that later. Lair is a mess, only thing really salvageable was the lab. Probably gonna leave as soon as dee is stable. How are you guys?

CaseyjONES:

My sister got mutated. Last thing she touched was our cat so now she’s got claws. Shes freakin out and aprils trying to calm her down with empath powers or whatever. My dad is MIA but good riddance if ya ask me. Broke mty arm so im typing this with 1 hand, and april sprained her ankel. The cat has miraculously survived + is sittig w/ me on the couch wich is pretty cool ngl

You:

So youre all stable???

CaseyjONES:

Yea

You:

Oh thank god

You:

Cas my phones about to die. Dee n i will contact ya soon as theyre stable. Love ya. Stay safe or i’ll kill u

CaseyjONES:

Cool cool. Love you too. keep everyone+urself safe. Hopefully we;ll see yo soon.

You sighed as your phone clicked off, definitively cutting off your final connection to your friends.

Raph whimpered behind you in one of the most un-Raph like ways you’d ever heard, and you turned around.

“Raph? You okay?” You rasped.

He was curled around himself tightly, rocking back and forth.

“Who the fuck are you?” He whispered, tears in his eyes.

You winced. You were guessing he had some form of amnesia, or some kind of damage to the hippocampus.

“I’m (Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N). You’re my best friend, but I think you hit your head in all the chaos.” You said slowly, feeling your heart sink even further.

He gave a strangled sob and shoved his face into his knee pads. “I hate this. Who the fuck am I?”

“You’re Raphael Hamato. You’re the son of Splinter or Hamato Yoshi. You’re the brother of Donatello, Leonardo, and Michelangelo, and the father of Chompy Picasso. You’re the best friend ever to me. You hit your head when Leo saved us from the mutagen bomb. I’m pretty sure it is currently the end of the known world.” You answered slowly, robotically. You were half-aware of how you were saying it for your own sanity as much as you were for Raph’s.

“Where are we?” Raph said, voice trembling in a way that seemed so out of character.

“Your home. Well. Sorta. It kinda got partially destroyed, there were a lotta cave ins.” You said numbly, standing up. “D’ya wanna tour? See if it…I’unno, sparks a few memories?”

He pressed his shell to the back of the couch, scooting away from you. “D’you think that’ll help? …How do I know I can trust you?”

“...C’mere.” You said, waving towards Donnie’s bulletin board in the back of the lab. Hesitantly, Raph followed after you, though not without a groan of pain.

“That’s you.” You murmured, unpinning a photo of a smiling Raph and Casey as they posed in front of a wall you’d all spray painted. “I took this photo when we were fifteen, about three years ago. That human is Casey Jones, our close friend.”

Raph took the photo, squeezing it lightly in his shaky hands. “Show me another.” He demanded.

“Here’s you and I at the farmhouse.” You smiled fondly at the memory. “I was bored and convinced you to let me give you eyeliner.” Photo-Raph was scowling at the camera, with his arms crossed and pointy winged liner around his eyes. Photo-you was grinning proudly, holding the eyeliner pen with one hand and giving photo-Raph a side-hug with the other.

Real-Raph accepted the photo. “That’s me, then?”

“Yeah.”

“Why don’t I look like you and this guy?”

“We’re humans. You’re a mutant.” You said simply. “A turtle/human hybrid, like your siblings.”

You pointed to a group shot. “The one with the blue mask is Leonardo, orange is Mikey, and purple is…uhm. Well, purple was Donnie...” You said, trying to choke back tears as you stared at the photo. “I-is any of this…y’know, ringing any bells?” You managed to mumble out through your tears.

Raph shook his head. “No.”

“Oh.” You said, feeling a fresh new wave of dread wash over you. You took a deep breath. “Well. That’s not ideal.”

“Where are the other…turtles?” Asked Raph, clearly hesitant to call these supposed strangers his siblings, which nearly broke you even further.

“Mikey and Leo are missing, and Donnie…” You sighed. “Well, I’d probably better just show you.”

You lead him over to the table where Donnies mutilated body sat underneath a sheet. Wires ran from underneath it and connected to a tiny Metalhead robot.

“What’s…wrong with him?” Raph said softly, reaching for the sheet.

“Don’t.” You breathed, brushing his hand away. “You don’t wanna see it, trust me. They fell off a building and got impaled by shrapnel and debris. Their body isn’t exactly pretty or…y’know. Recognizable as Donatello.”

“They’re dead?” Raph asked, and the tinge of discomfort in his voice wasn’t nearly enough for the situation- the Raph you knew would be yelling and crying and screaming, not…not being mildly uncomfortable in the way that one is when a stranger dies.

“Yes and no. He’s uploading his brain into that robot. There’s only about an hour left before it loads. After that, we’re outta here for good. The scavengers’ll be coming soon, so we havta get a move on sooner than later.” You said, an empty hollow feeling in your chest as you said the words ‘for good’.

It just felt so real.

“C’mon. Let’s see if your room has anything salvageable.” You grunted, leaving Donnie’s body behind.

Raph’s room had partially caved in, but the front of it still looked okay. His drum set sat undamaged in the corner, though you doubted there was room for it in the Shellraiser, so it was a moot point.

Raph stared vacantly at the place that had once mattered so much to him, without a single hint that he recognized any of it in his empty features. You wanted to hug him so bad. Maybe more for your own comfort than for his.

But then again, you needed the familiar hug of your best friend…not this vacant eyed empty shell of a turtle who didn’t recognize you.

“Oh hey look. That box says ‘photos’ on it.” Raph said lightly, pointing at a dusty shoebox that sat under the bed and breaking you out of your spiralling thoughts.

“It also says ‘do not touch’.” You pointed out.

“Yeah well, I think I’d want me to know what’s in my own ‘do not touch’ box.” Raph grunted, sounding like his old sarcastic self again for just a moment.

You held your hands up and stepped aside, and Raph scooped up the box.

He took off the lid, and picked up one of the photos. “...Who’s Venus?” He said, holding up a photo of a little turtle in a red bow with the label ‘Venus De Milo’.

You frowned, staring at the photo in confusion. Judging by the line drawn over the word ‘Venus’, Raph clearly had not wanted you to know about it, but the name didn’t ring any bells. “Actually, I don’t know. I’ve never met a Venus. Maybe you guys had some long lost sister that no one told me about?”

“Seriously? What kinda soap opera bullshit would that be?” Raph snorted.

“I mean. It wouldn’t be the first time.” You shrugged.

“...Wait, really?”

“S’okay, we’ll ask Donnie.” You said. “Now…I’m pretty sure you’d want me to save your sketchbook and paints. Your canvases too, but we don’t have room for that.”

He swallowed, flipping through the sketchbook you’d handed him, tracing over the doodles on the cover. “Fuck. I…I don’t remember any of these.” He murmured, not even bothering to wipe the tears from under his mask.

“And I…I can’t find Chompy.” You whispered, rifling around his room a final time. “Shit. Shit shit shit. M-maybe he ran away…” You trailed off, wiping your face with your torn-up shirtsleeve.

“Chompy?”

You looked away from him. “Chompy Picasso. Alien turtle. Your son, basically...and I-I can’t fucking find him anywhere. Hopefully he got out before we came here, otherwise…” You swallowed a sob.

Raph stared at you, looking sick. “I had a son? But aren’t we…teenagers?” He said, his voice devoid of the raging grief he would have felt before, and replaced with a look of discomfort and horror at being a stranger to his own life.

“An adoptive son, practically, yeah. And you…you loved him so, so much…He was so fucking cute…” You cried, your voice cracking. “Shit, Raph. You don’t remember Chompy…”

“Shit.” He agreed, staring at the ground.

***

Donnie was stable now, opening and closing his new metal hands.

“How’s Raph?” They said. Their voice had taken on a metallic ring, though it still sounded like Donnie at its core.

“Brain damage. He’s got brain damage.” You answered, glancing over to the far side of the lab where Raph sat, flipping through his box of photos.

“What?!”

“He doesn’t remember anything. That’s why he's keeping his distance. Said it feels weird.”

“Memory loss.” Donnie said, and the creaking breathy sounds that followed could only be described as crying although his new metal face remained neutral.

You held out your arms and Donnie fell into them, shaking and sobbing but not really. They were so small now, which felt wrong, because Donnie had always been close to your height if not taller.

Well, it didn’t matter. This was Donnie now, and that stranger in the corner staring at the photos was Raph, and that haggard looking human in the mirror was you.

Day 0 of the apocalypse and you were already all falling apart at the seams.

Nice.

***

Day 1.

Raph forgot his own name for a few hours, and Donnie panicked. He’d say to you later that it was nice to know his circuitry was still capable of having a panic attack, but his voice would be hollow. Well, more so than it was already with that robotic tremor to his voice.

But at the moment, you were sitting with your arms around a trembling Metalhead who was actually Donatello, and making uncomfortable eye contact with Raph who sat across from you on the floor of the Shellraiser.

His bright green eyes were narrowed in frustration, and his plastron rose and fell quicker than usual. He was probably hyperventilating.

You kept your distance. When you’d tried to comfort him earlier, he’d tried to shank you with a piece of glass he’d found on the ground. You didn’t hold it against him, really- he’d yelled “Who the hell are you?! Stay back!” first, so you at least knew it wasn’t out of malice.

And it also meant that he was more damaged than you and Donnie had originally thought.

Probably permanently, Donnie had said through gasping breaths before he realized he didn’t actually need air anymore.

Fuck.

“I’m sorry, Raph.” You found yourself saying, because you were. It may have stung having him try to hurt you, but what stung more was the look of pure fear and confusion in his face.

He broke eye contact with you and dropped his face onto his knee pads again, slumping over in shame and sorrow.

“I’m sorry (Y/N), Donatello.” He replied, voice slightly muffled by his legs, which were pulled to his chest.

“Don’t be.” You muttered. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t mean to.”

Donnie nodded. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should’ve treated you sooner, then you might’ve stood a chance-”

“Shut up Donatello. If you had done that then you woulda bled out and died and you are not allowed to fucking die on me, we clear?” You hissed, squeezing his metal shoulders.

“I did die, (Y/N).” Donnie said flatly, pointing at the bag that held their body.

“Shit.” You said, letting your gaze follow his finger as you let it finally sink in that yeah you were talking to Donnie, but also that was his fucking corpse in the back of the Shellraiser. “Shit shit shit. You’re still with us, but like…man this is fucked up, huh? You’re not dead, Don, you’re still you, but…”

“What if I’m not?! I’m a robot! Maybe the real Donatello is dead! What if I’m just a really good simulation?! What if I just think I’m panicking because it’s what Donatello would do?” He exclaimed, tugging on Metalhead’s antennae when he would usually tug on his mask tails.

“Well if it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure human emotions are a physical chemical reaction too. So one could argue that I’m just freaking out because the chemicals in my brain are reacting rather than me actually feeling things, right?” You offered.

“...I guess…Look I think I'm gonna go into sleep mode now, okay? It’s been a long day.” They sighed.

“Yeah, okay. See ya tomorrow, Don. Love you.” You said, patting his shoulder.

“Ditto.” They said, and then the lights went out in their eyes.

Raph sighed, staring at his sibling. “It feels weird being taller than them for some reason.” He grunted, breaking the silence.

“Oh, you remember that?” You said hopefully.

“Nah. I guess it just….feels weird. I dunno.”

“Well…Yeah it really does. Donnie always towered over you and Leo. Mikey hit a growth spurt like two years ago and wound up almost as tall, and you nearly cried at that...” You rambled, smiling.

“Oh. That explains it, I guess.” Raph snorted. “Was I…taller than Leo? Just out of curiosity, of course…” He added, looking hopeful.

“Nah. Leo’s 5’2ish. You are 5’1.”

“...Fuck.” Raph cursed. “That is unfair, y’know that?”

“You complained about it often.” You smiled. “It was kinda adorable.”

“Adorable?” Raph said, wrinkling his snout.

“Yeah. Ha. I uh….called you that a lot, guess it’s kinda a habit. Not because you’re short but because I thought you were cute. Uh…by which I mean good-looking, not cute like a kitten or something.” You said with a shrug. “Not that it really matters.”

“Oh. That’s cool then, I guess.” Raph said with a slight smile.

You smiled. “So I can keep callin’ you adorable?”

“Sure. Knock yourself out.”

You glanced out the window of the Shellraiser. It was still too bright out to travel safely to Casey’s apartment, with too many angry mindless mutants destroying everything in sight. You and Donnie had agreed to wait till the cover of night to head over there, in hopes that the new mutants would retain their usual sleep schedule.

“Damn. How long’ll this take?” You mumbled. It was six in the evening, but still bright as ever outside…

A pink thing slammed into the front camera, sending you falling back in shock.

Upon further inspection, it appeared to be a once-human that had been nearly swallowed by brainy, vein-covered tendrils. You choked back a gag.

Raph swallowed and clicked the camera off, looking greener than usual as the image faded.

“Ugh. Gross.” You whispered.

“So I’m assuming that things weren’t alway like this, right?” Raph said softly.

“Nope. You, my friend, would much prefer the Old World…” You paused, having a realization. “Shit. I bet that if this were a transcript, ‘Old World’ would be fucking capitalized.”

“So….there’s no way to undo whatever happened?”

“Nah. Dee’s run the numbers. The odds of the Earth bouncing back from this…are in the negatives.” You said, unable to summon anything other than an empty sigh.

“...What was your Earth like?” Raph asked, raising his brow ridge as he stared at you gently, as if you were some sorta fragile ceramic that could break at any minute.

Or as if you were a tearful human who’s world had just turned upside down.

You heaved a sigh, and sat down next to him on the floor.

“Well…there were trees yesterday. Green trees, not those crystal lookin’ things in Central Park that we saw this morning. And yesterday, this was New York, and it was full of people, not…those brain mutants and animal hybrids and…fuckin’ masses of organs suspended in jello. I dunno how far reaching the mutation bomb was, but Dee’s scanners have picked up on stuff as far as Florida to the south and Quebec to the north, and that’s not even counting the ones that went off on the West Coast and outside of America. Whatever it was that terraformed the Earth did a fucking good job.” You sighed, pulling your knees to your chest.

“So the old world really is the Old World.” Raph breathed.

“Yup. I…I don’t think we’ll ever get our homes back, Raphael.” You whispered.

Yesterday morning when you’d said something like that, Raph had pulled you into a wordless hug and you’d pressed your face into his chest and cried.

This evening as you sat on the floor crying, Raph stared at you sadly but kept his distance.

And you were reminded once again that you really were alone.

***

You: Casey we’re headed over

You: Read ya messages case

You: Dude seriously, are you guys okay?

Sent: 4hrs ago, unread

You: We’re here…

Sent: 1hr ago, unread

***

“Case’? Casey?” You yelled, wandering through his apartment. “April…”

“April! Casey!” Donnie yelled even louder than you. His face couldn’t emote, but his voice was high and desperate, and you were pretty sure they were twice as nervous as you were.

“He hasn’t replied to any messages since like three pm, and we’ve searched this dump for like an hour. I don’t think your friends are here, guys.” Raph sighed, crossing his arms.

“Shut up!” You and Donnie chorused, and Raph rolled his eyes.

“Fine, whatever! We’ll just stay here forever then I guess!” He snapped.

“Yeah well maybe we’re not being big babies, Raph! Don’t you care about finding Casey?!”

“I don’t know who the fuck Casey is!” Raph growled.

Donnie deflated. “...You’re right. I…I’m sorry, Raph. I forgot that you’re…y’know.”

“Brain damaged? Nice. Can’t fucking relate.” Raph grunted.

You exhaled through your nose. “Sorry Rafa. We’re just…we really wanted this lead…” Shit you were crying again.

“It’s just…I miss them so much. Casey and April mattered a lot to us, and to you, and we thought they’d….we thought they’d be here, but we’ve lost their signal and now I don’t fucking know what to do…” You whimpered, burying your face into your scarf.

Donnie tried to pat you on the shoulder but only succeeded in reaching to the small of your back.

“I miss them too. Well Raph…Casey and April…well, they mattered a ton to me and it just…is so scary to consider that they might…”

They didn’t finish the sentence, but you knew what they meant.

That they might be dead.

Raph stared at both of you with a grimace, seeming to pick up on the meaning too.

***

Day 15.

Raph stared at the photos a lot, not recognizing any of them.

Sometimes he woke up on the floor of the subway car that you, his supposed ‘best friend’, and Donnie, the robot who claimed to be his brother, had dubbed the ‘Shellraiser’. He’d sit there trying to remember where he was, only for him to slowly remember waking up in rubble to a wide pair of (E/C) eyes.

That was always what he remembered first.

Then he’d remember the smell of smoke and something he didn’t have a name for, and the feeling of someone hugging him close to their chest and whispering “It’s okay it’s okay-shit- Dee, he’s not waking up, he’s not- Oh my god Donnie, your- your plastron-”

He’d opened his eyes a crack to see humans mutating, screaming in horror, before someone shifted his head, and then all he could see was fabric.

Then he was on an unfamiliar couch with someone squeezing his hand. “Donnie…that’s a thing that’s possible?”

“No, but do I have any other option?!”

“...Shit Dee, you- you can’t die on me-”

“I won’t. I swear I won’t, (Y/N). If my theories are concrete, which they have an-” The voice paused to take a laboured breath. “-an 86.3% chance of being, then my consciousness will- shit that hurts- my consciousness will be uploaded into Metalhead…”

Raph didn’t remember how that conversation had ended, which he was very okay with.

Then after that the other things would begin to come back. Right. Right, he was Raphael, and these two people used to matter a lot to him in the Before Times, supposedly.

He didn't remember either of you, if he was honest. But if the notes on his Past Self’s photos were trustworthy, then you especially meant the world to him once.

He held up a photo of you in different, cleaner clothes. Your eyes were brighter, and you were grinning harder than you ever had now. The note on the back read ‘Reference photo 4 drawing (Y/N)’ in a messy script with a heart drawn next to it. Below it, in smudged print, it said ‘I feel creepy for staring at this for so long… Shit why did I write that down?’

He frowned and looked at another. This one was of a purple-ish pink turtle that gave the camera a wide smile, and the notation on the back said ‘Chompy I love you so fucking much but stop burning my paper please’

The next photo wasn’t a photo but a drawing. It was a rough sketch of a human hugging a baby turtle that was drawn in pink, with soft shading and a lot of smudges. The back of this one said ‘Shitty drawing of (Y/N) and Chompy. Felt bad throwing it away though for some reason, idk’

Raph wrinkled his snout. He disagreed with his Past Self, he thought the drawing looked kinda cute. Still, he’d respect Past Raph’s wishes and hide it away in the ‘Don’t Touch Box’.

He looked at the next picture. Venus again.

There were a lot of photos in the Don’t Touch Box of this ‘Venus De Milo’, and Raph hadn’t gotten any closer to an answer as to who she was. Heck, there were a few photos where she was completely crossed out with no further commentary. Not that it made much of a difference though, since the commentary that was there was ridiculously unhelpful. ‘Took another one of Sensei’s Venus photos. I wish he’d just let me burn all of them, but instead he just gave me this box and told me to hide them here instead of destroying all our childhood photos. Ugh. I hate them so much, obviously you know why, future me.’

No, I do not. Why are you so cryptic, Past Me?! Raph clicked in frustration, throwing the Venus photos back into the box.

“Lookin’ at Sensei’s old photos, Raph?” Said Donnie, making Raph jump back in surprise.

“Dammit, you’re awake?!”

“Yeah, just finished…charging.” Donnie sighed. “That still feels so weird to say.”

“Well, you’ve only been like this for…what, a week? Two?” Raph said dryly.

“...Yeah. I miss being…tall.” Donnie said softly. Raph got the vibe that they’d actually meant something else, but he didn’t feel like unpacking that right now.

“I miss you being tall.” Raph agreed. “Maybe that’s a good sign as far as memory stuff goes though.”

“...Hey, maybe it is, Raph! That’s actually really good!” Donnie said, their voice perking up while their face remained uncannily blank.

“...Cool.” Raph said. “...Hey, Donnie, who was Venus?”

Donnie jolted. “-Oh. Right. You found those pictures… I actually forgot about- well. Venus… You’re a transman, Raph, and Venus was your name back before you realized you were a boy.”

Raph frowned. “I’m a…what?”

“Well…when we were kids, Splinter named you Venus De Milo because you were physically a girl. Then when we were like thirteen or fourteen you told us that you actually were our brother, not our sister, so Sensei changed your name to Raphael.” Donnie said slowly.

Raph…did not like that information at all. “So…I’m not a boy?”

“No you are, it just took a bit of time for you to realize it.” Donnie shrugged.

“Good. I…do not like the name Venus.” Raph grunted.

“Yeah, when we were little you used to make us call you ‘Milo’ instead.” Donnie chuckled. “Splinter was so confused, but he just wanted you to be happy at the end of the day, really…”

Raph swallowed. “Uhh…Donatello, who’s…Splinter?”

Donnie’s neck sparked. “Right. Right right right…Raph, Splinter was our dad.”

“Oh.” He should know that. What kinda person didn’t even recognize their own father?!

Why couldn’t he remember the things that made Past Raph so happy?

Well he didn’t even remember that he was a fucking girl, so clearly he wasn’t the best judge-

“G’mornin’ guys” You yawned, leaning over the passenger’s seat where Raph had perched.

Raph shook his head clear and looked back at you. “Hi.”

“How’s the new body coming, Don?” You asked, stretching your arms.

“I’m almost done with the shell. I’ve made it segmented this time so that I can actually bend over, see?” They said, bending the large shell made of sewer plates.

“Oh. That’s really rad, Dee.” You said proudly.

“Yeah, I’m sick of being shorter than Raph.” He chuckled. “I can't wait to finish this model.”

“Wait, you’re making a new new body?” Raph frowned. “Did I know about that?”

“Yeah, I told you yesterday, you must have forgotten... S’okay though. Here’s the design, I made these blueprints months ago.”

“How come? What’s wrong with this robot?” Raph said, glancing over the taller, sleeker design sketch Donnie had handed him.

Donnie shrugged. “I guess…this is Metalhead’s body, not mine. And I want my body to feel like mine.” “Oh. Okay, fair enough I guess?” Raph shrugged, not sure how that made sense. Donnie was in the body, so that made it his right? Why’d they need a new one?

Whatever, Donnie could do what they wanted, he supposed.

“I think it looks great.” You smiled, though it didn’t reach your eyes the way it did in the Don’t Touch Box photos. “I love the purple LEDs.”

“Yeah, it looks nice.” Raph agreed. It really did; it was cleaner than Donnie’s current body, and seemingly more combat-effective if all the hidden blasters in the concept art were any clue. Plus it just looked cool as fuck.

“Thanks. It should be finished in a few weeks…in the meantime though, (Y/N), we should discuss plans.”

You nodded, following Donnie to the back of the Shellraiser.

“We should go on a supply run, we’re low on perishable food and water.” You said, writing ‘supply run’ on the whiteboard Donnie had set up in the back.

“Okay, noted. Do we have enough non-perishables?”

“Yeah. The drawers in the back are full of instant ramen and canned food.” You nodded.

“So just the usual things then…shelter. What’re we gonna do about shelter?”

“Yeah, I don’t really like it out here. Seems pretty sketchy.” Raph grunted, spinning around so that his plastron was pressed to the back of the chair and his head was rested on the top.

“I vote we go to the farmhouse. You’ve run your scans, and I think we just needa….you know, accept that everyone is…out of range of the scanners. We’re just sitting ducks in New York, Don.” You sighed.

Donnie clenched their fists. “I- I know, but like…what if they come back for us and we’re not here, (Y/N)? What if by leaving we forfeit our chances of finding Casey, April, Mikey, and Leo?”

“Well what if we do? Who cares?” Raph argued. “They either left or they’re dead, Donatello! We should leave too if we wanna not be dead!”

“Yeah well what do you know?! You don’t even know the extent of the damage!”

“Yeah I do. Explode-y bomb things from here to the other side of the planet. Earth getting terraformed in some twisted reflection of the world you knew before. Humans turning into horrifying brainless monsters, and humans that turn into horrified monstrous mutants, and humans like (Y/N) who survived with trauma and dead friends. And friends that lose their memories. Yadayada, all that shit.” Raph said through gritted teeth. “Plus, I saw you guys fighting off those mutants in the last supply run, you barely escaped with your fucking tail attached. Long story short, I vote we get outta here as soon as possible.”

You and Donnie looked at each other, blinking.

“I vote what he votes.” You supplied.

Donnie sighed. “You always did…fine. Fine, guys. You win. But can we please just stay for one more night?”

You shrugged. “Yeah, I think that seems fair. Raph?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Deal. We havta go on that supply run, anyways, so.”

“Cool cool. So…farmhouse then, Dee?” You said hesitantly, as if you were afraid of hurting Donnie.

Donnie just grunted. “I’m gonna go into sleep mode. You guys handle the supply run, I have to do some repairs from last time.”

“Well that wasn’t really an answer.” You said flatly as Donnie’s lights went out again.

“...No it was not.” Raph sighed.

***

“D’ya think I can pull off steel-toed boots?” You grinned, rapping your knuckles on the metal capped toes of a pair of leather combat boots.

“Well…it seems efficient, so yeah, why not.” Raph shrugged.

“Yeah, but would it look rad?” You pressed.

Raph nodded. “It would look badass.”

“Now that’s the answer I was lookin’ for.” You beamed, pulling on the boots.

“Do you think I’d look cool in that jacket?” Raph asked, reaching for an aviator jacket. It was useful, from a practical standpoint, with tons of pockets and the ability to hold in warmth, but he didn’t really want it if it didn’t make him look like the characters on the covers of the comics he’d managed to salvage.

“Raphael, you would look so cool in that jacket. You need it.” You nodded emphatically. “All we’d needa do is cut a hole for your shell.”

“...Oh yeah. Forgot about that part.” Raph sighed, wrinkling his snout in disdain. His shell was kinda inconvenient. But then again, it did function as a fantastic natural armor, so pros and cons. He tossed the jacket into the hijacked cart anyways.

You grabbed a tent from the shelf. “I think this’ll probably be useful down the line right?”

“Well…it’s free, so might as well.”

“Ooh, lookit this lifestraw!”

“What the hell is a lifestraw?”

“It filters water. Turns even the most contaminated junk into safely drinkable water. I’m surprised there’s even one left, this is gonna save our shells.”

“You don’t have a shell, (Y/N).”

“I’ve spent the past three years of my life surrounded almost entirely by people who do. Your jargon has worn off on me.”

“What the hell is jargon?”

“Your turtle-specific manner of speaking. Like swapping normal words for ‘shell’.”

“Shit, we did that?”

“Yeah. It was charming.”

***

“(Y/N), what’s ‘feminine hygiene’?” Raph frowned, peering down an aisle.

You glanced up, following his gaze. “Uh…y’know, girl stuff, don’t worry about it.”

“Donnie said I’m a ‘transman’, so maybe I should.” Raph mumbled, feeling ill at the thought.

You did a double take. “Wait what? Oh-kay, cool cool. Maybe you do need to worry about it.”

Raph grunted and crossed his arms. “I dunno why, but I get a very odd, very uncomfortable feeling when you say that.”

You swallowed, obvious nervousness in your eyes. “Well…that is fair. Raphael…allow me to remind you about the world of…feminine hygiene. Damn. I’m having to give my boyfriend- uh- my best friend- ‘the talk’, this feels weird!” You laughed. “Uh…so how do I put this. Once a month people with feminine body parts…bleed uncontrollably and you havta fix it with the stuff in this aisle! …Yayyyy!”

Raph suddenly got a very vivid memory of sitting on the couch of the lair with a hot pack on his plastron and an angry feeling in his head.

Shit, why was one of the few memories he had of the Old World one where he was bleeding in places he didn’t want to be?!

He groaned and facepalmed. “This is shit, you know that? My life is shit.”

“Periods ain’t fun.” You nodded. “I dunno if you turtles are affected the same way as humans though, so I could be totally wrong-”

“No, no, I remember now. It’s the same. Basically.” Raph said, blushing bright red and glaring at the ground. “Aaand I’m calling it on that conversation.” He finished.

You nodded. “I’ll allow it. Lemme know if you need any help figuring out what supplies you need-”

“-nO I’m good!” Raph exclaimed. “How about you just get- get some other supplies right now?!” He grinned, trying to mask the discomfort that rose the longer he stood in this stupid aisle.

You nodded. “Whatever makes you feel comfortable. I’ll be in the next aisle over, the first aid section, ‘kay?”

“Great.” Raph replied.

It was only after you’d left that he noticed that you’d called him your ‘boyfriend’ for a second there.

Well. Well that was an interesting development.

Raph hated not having his memories. He was 99% positive that Past Raph would know exactly what you meant by that, but presently? Raph was just so, so confused.

Maybe he had been your boyfriend in the Old World. If the photos counted for anything, Past Raph had probably liked you at some point- you showed up more often than anyone else, both in the photos and in his sketchbook. And he hadn’t even finished digging through them yet.

And now instead of having good ol’ Past Raph to comfort you, you got this Raph. The Raph who had forgotten his own name a few days ago, the Raph who didn’t really know what to do when you cried, the Raph who was so sick of not knowing…

Heck, he was pretty sure you had been avoiding touching him, which felt just as weird as being taller than Donnie. Even in the photos, you always seemed to have an arm around him or a hand in his, but now you were careful not to stray within a few feet of him. As if he was some kinda ticking time bomb.

Then again, he kinda was, huh? The last time you’d come near him, he’d tried to stab you in a panic. Maybe you were right to steer clear of him, though the thought of that just made him sad for some reason.

He paused and blinked at a mirror that sat at the end of the aisle.

Huh. That really was what he looked like, all green skin and torn mask tails and neon eyes.

He looked tired.

“Hey Rafa, lookit what I found!” You yelled, and Raph tore himself away from his reflection, dropping his armful of…feminine hygiene products into the cart before following your voice to the paint section.

“Look dude! Spray paint!” You grinned, bouncing on your feet.

Raph stared at you blankly, trying to understand your excitement. “Uh…did we…uhm…”

An image flashed through his head of holding a can of spray paint and stepping back to look at a mural.

“...OH! Oh right! I used to like spray painting!” He exclaimed, pleased at the memory. “(Y/N) I remember it!”

Your eyes widened. “You remember?! Oh Raph this is huge!”

“...What d’ya say to painting a final mural before we leave the city, for….I dunno, old time’s sake?” Raph said with a hesitant smile.

“Hell yeah!” You beamed, grabbing as many colors of spray paint as you could and dropping them into the cart. “Dee is in sleep mode so he can’t even stop us!”

“Yes, I can.”

You fell back and dropped your phone. Raph’s fists flew into a fighting stance, observing the phone nervously.

“Sorry ‘bout the scare guys.” Donnie’s voice chuckled, not sounding even slightly sorry. “I just discovered that I can access you through your phones! I’ll be back in sleep mode soon, I just thought that was a perfect time to test the audio feature.”

“Wait, you can hear our conversations?” You frowned.

“Uh….surprise?” Donnie said sheepishly. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t plan on stopping you from spray painting. It actually seems like it could both help Raph’s memory since it’s so familiar, as well as being just…a nice gesture. My one suggestion is that you add some way for Leo, Mikey, Casey, and April to find us, like a coded key to our whereabouts.”

“Oh. That’s smart.” You said. “But can we get back to how you’ve been eavesdropping this whole time Donald?!”

“Lalala, going into sleep mode, can’t hear you, lalala…” Donnie said, ever the terrible liar, and disconnected a second later.

“That little shit.” You said fondly. “If you’re still listening, I love you, Don, but you’re a total jerk.”

Raph shook his head, feeling the beginnings of a smile on his face. “If you’re still listening, then quit listening, Donatello.”

But no reply came from the phone, so you shrugged. “Guess he actually is back in sleep mode. C’mon, let’s paint a mural.”

***

Raph glared at the wall.

The spray paint had gathered into a messy blob of color that did not look like a mural.

The paint bottle felt natural in his hand, yeah, and his lines were steady, but they weren’t coming out right. He scowled and tried to cover the blob with a cloud of red, but then it didn’t look like a cloud, it just looked like blood.

“AUGUHH!” He yelled in frustration, kicking the wall. He jumped back to hold his foot, which was now throbbing in pain. Shit, why was that his instinct?!

“You good Raph?” You said, looking over from your side of the wall. Your mural looked nice, with a painting of two turtles, a skeleton, and a red haired girl with eyes that seemed to glow. They were all outlined in thick black and colored in vibrant shades, which made them pop against the gray wall.

“Fine…” He grumbled, rubbing his foot. “I just- I can’t draw or something.”

You followed his glare toward his bloody smear of a painting.

“Oh…did you…”

“Forget? Yeah. I fucking forgot how to draw.” He said with a humorless laugh.

“Do you…want a crash course? We’ve still got an hour or so before we have to head out…” You offered.

He shook his head. “No…we don’t have time. …Did you add the message?”

You nodded, still staring at him sympathetically. “I wrote ‘guys, find us in the healing place- Red, Purple, and (L/N)’. They’ll know what I mean.”

“The ‘healing place’?” Raph repeated.

“The farmhouse.” You elaborated. “We went there back when the kraang invaded three years ago. Leo was in a coma for like three months, and y’know…healed. And I think we all kinda healed too. You were kinda the team leader for a bit there…” You trailed off, eyes glazing over as if you were reminiscing about something Raph undoubtedly wouldn’t understand. You shook your head clear. “...but you know, I think they’ll get it. More importantly, I don’t think anyone else will, so we can’t be followed. Not that we have any reason to be followed, I’m just paranoid.”

“Aren’t we like…ninjas with like a million enemies or whatever?”

You snorted. “Kinda, yeah.”

“...So the idea that we might be followed doesn’t seem that outlandish, right?” Raph ventured.

“Hm. Thanks for justifying my paranoia, Raphael!” You exclaimed, not looking any happier.

“...Uh…I’m gonna say you’re welcome, but I get the funny feeling that you don’t actually mean that, huh?” He said sheepishly,

“No, I…I dunno.” You said with a humorless laugh. “I’m being weird.”

“It’s literally the end of your world. You should be acting weird, right?” Raph snorted.

You smiled half-heartedly. “Ya think?”

“Donnie’s acting weird, I’m acting weird. You can act weird too.” He said matter-of-factly.

You sighed. “But that’s just the thing. Donnie lost their body. You lost your past. What the hell did I lose? …You know, aside from my friends…and family…and my old life…but you guys lost that too!”

“I really didn’t. You can’t miss what you don't remember, right?” Raph said with a hollow laugh. “I have no Old World. No old connections. The world we’re in now is basically all I’ve ever known, so if anything, I’ve lost…the least.”

You stared at him, a discomforting sense of horror in your eyes. You raised your hands as if to set them on his shoulders, but then lowered them instead.

“Raph…Fuck. No! You’ve lost everything! Like, way more than I have! At least I still have good memories to go back to, o-of you, of Chompy, of Leo and Casey and Mikey and April…of Mona, Raph, I still have memories of Mona, and you don’t even have that…” You wiped your eyes with your scarf and shook your head. “Shit, man. We’re all going through hell, I shouldn’t bother comparing it.”

“Yeah….yeah. That’s a good way of lookin’ at it.” Raph sighed.

“...Who's Mona?” He asked lightly, after a beat of silence.

You smiled slightly. “Mona Lisa? She’s this really awesome Salamandrian who we met in space.”

“We went to space?!” Raph said, eyes widening.

“Yup. It was very convoluted… Anyways, we both had this ridiculous crush on her…she was so cool. She could beat us at fighting easily, but she also was so sweet…ahhh, what a woman.” You said, perking up a bit more. “Anyways, at least she’s safe…She’s in space.”

“What else have you guys not told me about my life?!” Raph exclaimed.

“I promise I’ll tell you everything once life has calmed down a bit, but there is some stuff that I genuinely believe is too much for you right now.” You shrugged.

“Well it’s my memories, so I don’t think that’s for you to decide.” Raph frowned.

You opened your mouth, glaring at him, before deflating. “...I…you’re right. It is your memories, Raph. You do deserve the truth. But the truth isn’t always easy or fun or any of that so can we make a compromise?”

He gestured for you to go ahead.

You squeezed your hands. “I’ll tell you what you need to know, and if you figure stuff out on your own- which is highly likely- I’ll give ya more details. Deal?” You held out your hand.

Raph sighed. This was probably the best he was gonna get from you.

…Also…what was with the hand?

Raph frowned, staring at your hand, and took it awkwardly. “Deal?”

You blinked.

He blinked.

“Raph why are you still holding my hand?” You coughed.

“Oh, was I supposed to-”

“-Let go, yeah, this is a handshake.”

“-Weird. You guys are weird.”

“You still haven’t let go?” You said, but you were smiling.

Would it be weird if he said he kinda didn’t wanna? Holding your hand felt nice…

“Uh- right.” He grunted, wrenching his hand out of yours.

***

Day 16.

“Well, I think we’re all set to go upstate.” Donnie said as he finished checking over the items Raph and you had taken.

“Cool.” You said softly.

You’d talked about going upstate for the past two weeks, but as Donnie closed the power-cell powered freezer box, it finally hit you that you were leaving.

Like leaving leaving.

It wasn’t like there was much of a choice. New York was dangerous, more now than before. You and Raph had even wound up in a mild tussle as you made your way back to the Shellraiser last night.

There were too many scared humans and animals that had gained sentience and horrifying mindless creatures that looked like body-horror inspired abominations to go anywhere without a fight. And frankly, none of you wanted to deal with that.

And it didn’t help that Donnie’s sensors weren’t picking up on any habitable land in the general radius. You were sure he wasn’t telling you everything, but he had mumbled something about the soil being full of toxic chemicals and unable to maintain life among…other things.

Essentially, New York City was dying. But maybe if you were all lucky, the farmhouse would be habitable.

By which you meant…with good soil. It’d be really really nice if you guys could just…plant seeds for food and hang out there for the rest of eternity. Nice, but unlikely, if you were realistic. Still. It was a spot of hope.

Raphael stared at you mournfully as you and Donnie finished preparing the Shellraiser. He did that a lot now, and it always stung about the same- he wanted to remember you, but to him, you were a stranger.

You hated feeling like a stranger around the person who’d been closer to you than anyone ever back in the Before Times.

Not that you’d told him much. You thought there was kinda a power imbalance now, since you knew so much about Raph and he now knew so little about you. He was vulnerable, and you, being one of the ones who had saved him, had a bit more sway over him than you felt comfortable with.

He was catching onto you though, you could see that. He’d understandably demanded answers last night, and although you’d agreed to his terms, you were dreading it. Because how could you tell him that he had been your boyfriend if he didn’t even know who you were? Worse, would he feel like he had to immediately go back to that just to make you feel better?

You’d described your relationship to him as ‘best friend’, which was more accurate, honestly, considering both you and Raph had been a bit odd around romance, but still. It would probably be more to take in than he could handle right now…

“So. We ready to get this tin can on the road?” You said finally, leaning over Donnie’s shoulder as they stepped away from the newly pumped tires.

“...I believe so.” Donnie said proudly, patting the side of the car.

And with that, you gave New York City one final good-bye.

“Seeya, New York…you were one hell of a town to live in. We….had a lotta fun here.” You said, leaning against the Shellraiser to stare at the cityscape.

“Goodbye pigeons and manholes and starless skies. I-I’ll miss you.” Donnie said fondly, leaning next to you.

“And I’ll miss pizza gyoza, my fire escape- heck, I’ll even miss Shredder’s lair and TCRI.” You grinned.

“What a town.” Donnie said, nodding.

"Hey guys, this is real sweet, but it’s getting dark.” Raph grunted, poking his head out the door. “Let’s get this freakshow on the road.”

“...Okay.” You said with a rueful smile.

“...Yeah, we’re coming.” Donnie sighed, and the two of you headed into the Shellraiser.

***

By the time the sun had set, you had left the city.

Raph sat in the passenger seat, eating dry pasta like a heathen, and Donnie sat in the roof hatch running his scanners. You weren’t exactly expecting that he’d find anything positive though.

As you silently drove up the road, you took note of a few things- first off, there were trees out here, at least. Dead trees, but still trees rather than alien shapes that had loomed over you in New York, which was some relief.

Secondly…there was no sign of life. The only noise you had heard since leaving New York was the quiet hum of the Shellraiser’s engine, punctuated by Raphael’s crunching on his fucking dry pasta. (Seriously, that stuff could not be good for his digestive system…)

Thirdly…your hopes of finding an oasis in all of this were running as dry as the land around you.

New York was dead, and Earth wasn’t following too far behind it.

Donnie clambored back down from the top lookout with a heavy sigh.

“So Doc, what’s the diagnosis?” You said dryly, no bothering to turn around. “Lemme guess- we’re doomed?”

“Well, my sensors have picked up nothing but toxic chemicals and mutagen. There's no living organic plant forms for miles. I’m not picking up on the signatures of Casey, April, Leo, Mikey, Karai, the Mutanimals, or the (L/N)s. I don’t think the Earth will ever heal from this, and our tech has been basically thrown back to the dark ages.” He paused to heave an even more dramatic sigh, before saying “So does that answer your question?” cheerfully.

You whistled. “Ouch. So we are doomed.”

Raph crunched on his pasta and glanced up. “Great. That’s….real great.”

“Raph, are you eating straight up uncooked tortellini?!” Donnie said, gagging.

Raph smirked and crunched louder, and you cringed at the sound.

“Ugh, must you do that?”

“It tastes good.” He said innocently.

“Well don’t come to me for help when you get a stomachache.” Donnie said, disgusted.

You snorted, and refocused on the road as Donnie continued to complain about Raph’s apoca-licious eating habits.

Because hey. Maybe you were just headed towards certain doom upstate. Maybe Raph would never remember the past. Maybe the fucking planet was mutated beyond recognition…But hey.

At least you were with your best friends.

Heck, if you ignored the metallic tremor in Donnie’s voice and made Raph’s ever so slightly gentler, you could pretend that this was just another peaceful road trip. Just another night of smiling at Dee and Rafa’s antics, of choosing to unsubtly egg them on, of talking till morning with Raph about shit like life and the future and insecurities, comforting each other in that sweet way the two of you always had.

Yeah, yeah. You’d pretend it was a night like that.

And for a bit, you’re nearly convinced that when you woke up tomorrow, everything would be alright.

***

Day 17.

Everything was not entirely alright.

The farmhouse was devoid of people, and was shrouded in suspiciously pink clouds that hung lower than clouds usually did. Donnie scanned the air though and only got the usual amount of toxic chemicals, so you guys reluctantly decided it was safe.

“Woah, looks like this place already got picked clean.” You winced, glancing around the main room. It was mostly empty- everything from the furniture to the photos on the wall had been taken.

The stairs however, had caved in, but with the help of your grappling hook, you made your way to the top without too much effort.

The top of the house, by comparison, was full of the homey clutter that you had grown to expect from the healing place. Just being there, surrounded by everyone’s old things and the memories around them, made you breathe a sigh of relief.

“Anything up there?” Donnie said from the ground level.

You smiled, breathing in the air of the place you’d briefly called home. “Everything, Don. Case’s spare eyeliner pens, Leo’s matcha powder, Raph’s forgotten sketchbooks and acrylics…everything.”

With a bit of effort due to Metalhead’s heavy clunky body, Donnie managed to heave themself upstairs too.

“Woah. Weird being back here.” He said, and you got the impression that he’d be smiling if they could.

“How’re ya doin’ down there, Raph?” You said, leaning over the stair rail to see him staring into the living room.

“I…we watched a dumb cartoon there, right? Uh…Chris Bradford the…Barbarian?” He breathed, as if speaking any louder would shatter his ability to remember.

You and Donnie glanced at each other, swapping a pair of grins. Well, metaphorically, in Dee’s case.

“Yeah. Crognard the Barbarian…” You smiled. “But we did watch another show about Chris Bradford!”

“Awesome, Raph!” Donnie said, pumping their fist.

“...Cool.” He said softly, putting his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “So…this is the safehouse, then?”

“Well, ‘safe’ is a strong word…there’s a heck of a lot of danger we got into here last time.” You said, sliding down the stair banister.

“Out here in the middle of nowhere?” Raph snorted, turning towards you. “How the hell was this dangerous?”

“You got mutated into a plant once,” Donnie supplied.

“Ooh, Bigfoot tried to marry Don,” You grinned.

“Who’s bigfoot?”

“This forest cryptid who had a crush on Donnie.” You said with a chuckle.

“(Y/N), please know that I would be rolling my eyes at you right now if I still had them.” Donnie sighed.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” You said, giving them a mock-salute.

Raph entered the dining room. “Did anything terrifying happen here?” He said curiously.

“Hm…Oh yeah. We fought off mutant frogs.” You said, nodding at the memory. “They were all named after conquerors and they hated humans. …One of them talked like Napoleon Dynamite….not that you’d know that reference…”

“Ha, what?” Raph chuckled. “Our lives sound weird. What other things did we do?”

“Oh they very much were.” You nodded. “Let’s see…what other shit did we do? Uhm…there was this one time when you got your brain swapped with a kraang, that one was weird.”

“What exactly is a kraang? You’ve mentioned them before, but…”

“Oh, right. A kraang looks like- well, here.” You pulled up a photo of a snarling kraang that you’d taken a selfie with. “Voila.”

“Eww.” Raph cringed. “Why is it like…all goopy and gross?”

“Evolution, I guess.” You said, wrinkling your nose. “Gnarly, right?”

“So you’re tellin’ me I got my brain swapped with that thing?!” Raph said incredulously.

“Yup. It was pretty freaky seeing your body completely…not-like-you, but hey, we figured it out.” You chuckled.

“Hey Raph, you might wanna see this!” Donnie said, yelling over the stair rail.

“Uh, okay…” Raph frowned, heading towards the rope you’d hung over the caved-in stairwell. You followed after him.

“See, lookit this-”

“Hey, this- this is my room!” Raph exclaimed, shoving past Donnie and into the room. “I- I remember this place! I remember sitting there,” He said, pointing at the bed, “And coming this way-” He spun out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom- “And-....oh.” He frowned, opening the bathroom door. “I…I get the weird feeling that somethin’....happened here, huh?” He said softly.

You winced, reaching to put a hand on his shoulder, before thinking better of it. “Yeah. This is where Leo…was in his coma.”

“...You sat with him every day, Raph, ‘till he healed.” Donnie said gently.

Raph nodded. “Ha. I…ah…don’t remember that.”

“Well, you did remember your room, and a piece of your old daily routine, so I’d say this is a win! Robo-high-three!” Donnie said cheerfully, holding up their hand.

Raph wrinkled his snout “Uh…okay…” He held up his own hand, mirroring theirs, staring at them with an awkward shrug. “Hello, three? Uh…satisfied?”

Donnie lowered his hand. “...I shoulda seen that one coming.”

Raph rolled his eyes, shoving his hand back into his pocket. “Whatever, Don. What was it you called me up here for, anyways?”

“Your old sketchbook! I know you have the one from the lair, but this one is full of all the stuff you did here!” Donnie said excitedly, handing Raph the book.

Raph shrugged and accepted it, flipping through the pages. “Woah. These are pretty nice.” He said, starting to smile a bit.

“Ooh, can I see?” You asked hopefully.

“Sure.” Raph nodded, angling the book so you could see the art too.

This page was full of the planning-stage-sketches for what you recognized to be the painting he’d done on the party van.

“Oh dude, these rock.” You grinned.

“Yeah…I just hope I’ll be able to…y’know.” He clenched his hand, giving it a sad stare. “Do them again someday.”

***

Day 20.

“Well ladies and gentlefolk, turtles and others, I have gathered you all here today to present…The Donbot V.1!” Said Donnie, staring into the mirror.

It was a pretty nice design, if they did say so themself. It was taller than Metalhead’s model had been, standing at his usual height of 5 '6-to-5' 8-ish, and was made of a dark green steel he had salvaged back in the city. In a burst of inspiration, they had added purple accent lights.

For the first time in days, they didn’t feel so wrong about looking into the mirror. The face that stared back at him wasn’t his, really, but it was…closer. The blank face felt somehow more comfortable than Metalhead’s imitation-turtle one.

They shook their head, chuckling to themself slightly. If only he were presenting his invention to a crowd of scientifically minded peers instead of to his friend and his brother. Then he might prepare something flashy and exciting, presentation-wise.

But alas, it was the end of the world.

So instead, he simply glanced at themself one more time before leaving the bathroom, revealing his new body without any fanfare.

You patted his shell and said they looked ‘rad as hell’. Raph shot him a wary look, but it went away fast, and soon enough Raph was congratulating him too- albeit, with a bit of mild confusion.

Ironically, the brother that would have once understood better than anyone what it feels like to be in a body you don’t want….just happened to be the brother who had recently forgotten that he usually had dysphoria.

Donnie supposed that in a post apocalyptic world where gender was so irrelevant that Raph hadn’t even realized he was trans, it wouldn’t even occur to Raph to be dysphoric. (Hm. Maybe the end of the world had its good sides!)

But secretly, selfishly, a twisted part of Donnie wished that Raph was still in the state of mind to relate to them. It was unfair, and a cruel thing to wish on his brother. Logically, Donnie knew that. But maybe a part of them wanted to just…feel a little bit more understood. Less like an alien.

It wasn’t like he didn’t notice the way you and Raph flinched when he entered the room, looking at them like he was some- some thing. Some freak. Maybe a cruel voice in the pits of his now-wire-filled stomach whispered things about how much he wished Raph remembered how it felt, how much a part of him wished you had been mutated in the explosion so someone, anyone would understand the soul-crushing loneliness of not being in the right body-

Shit. That was dark. Maybe he was losing more of his humanity than he’d initially theorized-

Donnie swallowed their thoughts and opened the fridge, only to close it again upon remembering that he was physically incapable of eating,

***

Day 21.

“AAAAUGHH!” Raph screamed, dropping to his knees on the dead grass. He threw his arms around his stomach- something in his guts felt like something had crawled in there and died and oh shit was this that girl thing?

“Raph! Are you okay?!” Said Donnie, dropping his bo staff and rushing over.

“Ow- ow- shit- Donatello, I-I gotta take a -oh- a -ow- a break from practicin’.” Raph grunted, using Donnie’s arm to pull himself up.

Time to go fucking deal with this now, he supposed. Just what his stupid life needed right now.

***

Day 24.

“AAAAIIIEEE!” Raph screeched, chucking the stupid fucking salad prongs across the room.

“Raph! Dude!” You snapped. “Look, I know you’re frustrated but ya can’t expect to get it right the first time!”

“Well it’s NOT my first time using sais, is it? Aren’t I supposed to have some kinda muscle memory or whatever?!” He snapped back.

“Raph, bud, bear with me- you lost your memory, hon’.” You sighed. “You gotta be patient with yourself.”

“Maybe my self needs to hurry up already.” Raph said, crossing his arms.

See, it would be one thing if he’d entirely forgotten how to use his sais. But the thing was- he did remember. He remembered the feeling of their leather, he remembered spinning them and smirking at himself in the bathroom mirror, he remembered holding them in his fists and destroying things and how satisfying it was- but he couldn’t do those things anymore.

It was just as fucking pointless to try as drawing had been.

Shit, there were tears in his eyes.

“You okay, Rafa?” You said gently, doing that annoying thing you did where you reached for him. He always let himself hope that you would actually follow through with it this time…he wasn’t sure why, exactly, but it always felt like a stab to his metaphorical heart everytime you lowered your hand instead of patting him on the shoulder or squeezing his hand or giving him a hug or anything oh good lord he’d take anything- You lowered your hand again, and yet again he felt something shatter in his chest. (Why did he still bother to hope? He’d just thrown his sais in anger. Of course you were nervous around him.)

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever, (Y/N). I’m fine.”

“...Okay…well…I’m here to talk if you need me, y’know?” You said, smiling softly.

“I don’t wanna talk.” He grumbled. I want a hug, I want warmth, I want someone to say everything is gonna be okay-

You nodded, staring at him sadly. “...Okay.”

You left the makeshift dojo, leaving him alone with the blank walls of what had once been a living room.

Raph wiped his eyes and glared at your retreating figure, half-aware that his anger was misplaced. It wasn’t like you’d done anything other than be understanding and supportive…but still.

***

Day 25.

“BACK OFF!” Raph yelled, glaring at the robot.

“Raph, it’s okay, it’s me, your brother! Donatello!”

Raph had brothers?

…No, that didn’t sound right- this robot was probably here to hurt him- a vague memory of fighting a similar robot flashed through his mind, reaffirming his certainty that this thing was bad and dangerous and wanted to hurt him-

He bit back a whimper as the robot got closer, instead snarling as viciously as he could. “Get away from me ya fucking toaster.”

The robot stepped back.

Huh. The…robot stepped back…?

The robot in his memory shifted into a turtle with a worried look on his face and a gap in their teeth and a purple mask.

Donatello.

Oh…right. This was Donatello. His brother. He was at the farmhouse with you and Donatello….Donatello who was a robot now.

“Shit.” Raph mumbled, staring at the robot that was Donatello. “I…I did it again, huh?”

“RAPH! DEE! Jeez, are you guys okay?! I heard yellin’ and-'' You said, slamming the door open. The kitchen door. Raph was in the kitchen. The farmhouse kitchen.

“Just…another incident. Don’t worry about it.” Raph muttered sullenly, wiping the spit off his mouth that he must’ve gotten from all the animalistic hissing.

“Ah.” You said. “Are you both…okay then?”

Donnie nodded wordlessly, ducking out of the room with his head down and shoulders slumped.

Raph scowled, hugging his knees to his chest. “Same as I usually am, I guess.”

“So…not great?” You frowned.

“Not great.” He confirmed.

“Ah.” You leaned forwards hesitantly, hand outstretched.

This time Raph didn’t even flinch when you inevitably lowered it and followed Donatello out of the room. He just shoved his face into his kneepads and tried really hard not to cry.

***

Donnie slipped outside, staring out at the wasteland that used to be a forest.

Raph had forgotten him again.

Honestly, they didn’t know why it hurt so much. It wasn’t the first or even the second or third time Raph had forgotten him…but Raph went into the feral mode around Donnie way more than he did around you.

And logically, Donnie knew exactly why that was. You looked the same as you always did, albeit more battered and less smiley, while he, Donnie, looked entirely different. He was entirely different.

His sensors picked you up behind him on the porch.

“Hey.” They said glumly.

“Hey Dee.” You said, sitting on the porch steps next to him.

“I don’t think the world will ever heal again, (Y/N).” Donnie said softly.

Your eyes grew glossy (although maybe they already had been), and you looked away from them. “...I know.”

“I miss everyone so much.” He whispered.

“Me too.”

“Casey and I first became friends in that barn…April kissed me by the stump…” He said, trailing off. He put a hand on his face, remembering where Casey had first kissed him. That had also been at the farmhouse…

God, they missed Casey and April.

You nodded. “Me and Raph once buried a dead turtle over there…it used to be the prettiest part of the yard.” You said bitterly, pointing towards the spot where the pond had been just a month ago. Now it was reduced to another patch of dry, dying grass.

“So it was a turtle? I thought you guys killed someone.” Donnie said, only half joking- They remembered vaguely how he’d walked in on Leo lecturing a guilty-looking you and Raph on ‘honorability’ one morning. They’d glanced outside to see a suspicious grave outside that hadn’t been there the night before, and put two and two together…nice to know that it was just an unmutated turtle.

“Yeah…Raph thought it was like, a blow to his masculinity or something to tell you guys that he cared about animals.” You said with a snort.

“Well that’s stupid, we all know he loved animals. He was like a Disney princess around them.” Donnie said, shaking their head.

“Yeah…very true.” You smiled.

“What do you plan on doing about your whole….thing with Raph, anyways?” They said, changing the subject in hopes of distracting their thoughts from existential dread.

You sighed, running a hand down your face. “Fuck, man. I don’t know. Like…I love him so much, but it’s not fair for me to right now. He’s vulnerable and scared and doesn’t even know who we are half the time…how can I put the pressure of a relationship, or even the implications of a past relationship, on him right now? That’s just…so unfair. Plus, we’re the only people he has right now. What if he thinks not liking me will mean us…like, kicking him out or something fucked up like that? What if he tries to force himself to feel the same just out of guilt? What if-”

“Well first off, overthinking things? That’s my job, stay outta my turf.” Donnie teased. You smiled slightly. “Secondly- who says you have to tell him? Because you really don’t.”

“Well, he’s not dumb, Don- he’s figured out that I’m hiding something.” You said dryly.

“Are you though? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve been fairly honest about things- he’s your best friend. He always was. Just say ‘yeah we were like close or something’, you know? It’s not like you guys ever kissed or anything, at least not much, so it’s not much of a stretch.” Donnie suggested.

You nodded. “Yeah…I guess you’re right…who knew you were so good with relationship advice?”

“Nah, I just know you and Raph pretty well.” He chuckled.

You smiled, putting an arm around his shoulders in a side hug. “Thanks Don.”

“Hey, thanks for distracting me from my existential dread.” They snorted, hugging you back.

***

Day 35.

“What if I can’t feel feelings?” Said Donnie, lying awake next to you.

“Hnnghh…Go to sleep Donnie.” You grunted, pulling your blanket tighter around your shoulders. It may have been more secure and safe to have all three of you stationed in the Shellraiser rather than the house, but man, between Raph’s snoring and Donnie’s shitty sleep schedule that you knew full well he had programmed himself to have, it certainly made sleeping hard.

“But what if this is all a dream! What if I died and this is a severely messed up dream I’m having in my last few minutes of life?”

“Shut up Donatello.” Raph groaned, trying to muffle Don’s voice with a blanket.

“What if I'm in a coma and I’m dreaming this and the Earth is actually fine?”

“Go to sleep, broooo…” You moaned, covering your ears with a pillow.

“I don’t usually go into sleep mode for another…mmm…two hours.” Donnie said. “Damn…sleep mode! (Y/N), I’m not a person anymore, am I?!”

“Donatello. Buddy. Pal. I love you dearly. You are a beautiful, fantastic, brilliant person. Let me fucking sleep.” You hissed.

“...Mmm…Okay. G’night.” There was a click, and Don-bot powered down.

“Oh thank god.” Raph grunted, shoving his face into his pillow.

He proceeded to snore incredibly loudly.

You groaned.

***

You blinked your eye open at the sudden silence.

Raph had somehow wound up with his arms tightly wrapped around your arm in his sleep. He was shivering, which made sense considering the cold.

You were tempted to pry him off so that he wouldn’t be awkward or uncomfortable when he woke up. But he looked so peaceful, and you missed this…

Plus you were too tired to do anything. So maybe you’d let him stay…

You’d pry him off before morning though.

***

Day 37.

Raph was pretty sure that Past Raph had had the hots for you. He’d finished reading through his old sketchbook, and it was full of little paragraphs in the margins and crossed out text where he could just barely make out the word ‘(Y/N)’.

He supposed it made sense. He may not have remembered too much of his life, but he had a decent recollection of what pretty people looked like- and you definitely fit that category. Plus, you were funny and cool and sweet….not that it mattered much nowadays.

After all, Past Raph and Current Raph’s circumstances were vastly different. So maybe a part of him was tempted to bug you for more info…but he knew enough to just let it be.

That was the Old World.

In the New World, trivial things like relationship status mattered very little.

(Still, was it really asking so much to have someone who’d hug him? Was he so wrong to wish for a hand on the shoulder once or twice, the way you always were in those goddamned photos?)

(Meh, probably.)

He hugged himself, staring up at the ceiling.

“Oh hey, you’re awake!” You grinned, poking your head into the Shellraiser. “Mornin’ Sleeping Beauty! Breakfast is inside if you want it.”

Raph sat up slowly. “Okay…”

“How’re you doing?” You said as you led him across the yard. It was still cold and dark out, and Raph shivered.

“...Tired.” He grunted.

“Understandable.” You nodded. “I’ve been pretty tired too, but it’s so hard to sleep when it’s so freakin’ cold at night and like, a million degrees the instant the sun rises.” You complained, passing him a plate of eggs from the remaining unmutated chickens.

“Says you, the one who's warm-blooded.” Raph teased.

“Oh shit, you must be so cold at night!” You said, seeming to have just remembered that Raph was a reptile.

“Freezing.” Raph nodded.

“Maybe Don can build a heat lamp!” You suggested. “They’re still in sleep mode right now, but we can ask when he wakes up.”

Raph perked up. “Wait, that exists?”

“Yeah, shit- I can’t believe I didn’t think of that like…forever ago. I guess I forgot that you’re cold-blooded…and now that Donnie is…non-blooded, it must’ve slipped their mind too…I’m so sorry Rafa!” You exclaimed.

“Wait. So this WHOLE TIME I could’ve NOT frozen my tail off every night?!” Raph groaned.

You shrugged weakly. “...Yup.

“This is so stupid.” He sighed, stabbing his eggs with one of his sais.

“Dude…you're using that as a fork?” You cringed.

Raph scowled. “Well it’s not like I know how to use it as a weapon anymore.”

“But…but…Raph you have stabbed through people with those! There is no way that that’s even slightly sanitary!” You squeaked.

He shrugged and ate his breakfast off the end of the sai.

You looked ill. “You are… such a teenage boy. Please stop.”

He sighed but swapped the sai for a fork. “Okay, okay. Jeez.”

“Thank you.” You groaned, patting his shoulder unconsciously.

And suddenly it felt like his brain had short circuited.

Oh god, he remembered you.

How could he have ever forgotten you?! All the memories shot into his brain at record speed- sitting on a fire escape with your arm around his shoulders, spray painting the side of TCRI, making fun of Casey and Donnie’s crushes on April, beating up bad guys, the look on your face- that toothy grin that you never ever wore theses days, a familiar hand resting comfortingly on his shoulder- and oh god, he remembered you!

“I- I…(F/C)!” He gasped. You jerked your hand away guiltily, but he caught it before you could. “(Y/N). Your favorite color is (F/C)!”

“W-what?” You said, eyes wide.

“(Y/N) I remember! I-I remember you! Not everything probably, but- but I remember you!” He exclaimed, gripping your hands in his.

Your eyes widened even further. “Raph, you- what?!”

He grinned and hugged you to his chest as tightly as he could. Tentatively, you relaxed into it, rubbing his shell gently.

“I remember you!” He exclaimed.

You nodded, still looking baffled. “Like…what?”

“I remember how we met- I fell onto your fire escape! A-and I remember eating breakfast here with you and talking about…well, something, probably, but it was definitely here at this table! And I remember…I had this pet turtle, right? I think his name was…Slash? No! Spike! Slash was the mutant…? Whatever! I remember you sitting….uh…there, by that broken window, and I drew this picture!” He grinned, holding up a page in his sketchbook. It was a portrait of you, with soft shading and a bold outline.

“Woah, Raph?! You just- remember all this?!” You said, still staring in disbelief.

“Bits and pieces, yeah- I think it was ‘cause you…you know, touched me. It’s like…muscle memory? I dunno. Might hafta ask Donnie…”

“Raph!” You grinned, hugging him tightly. “I just- wow! This is so cool, I-”

“Woah, are we interrupting somethin’?” Said a familiar voice.

You and Raph jolted into defensive positions, hopping up to face the person-

And then your brain seemed to short-circuit.

“Casey?” You squeaked. “CASEY!”

“(Y/N)! RAPH! Dude I can’t believe we finally found you!” Casey shrieked just as loud, diving in to grab you and Raph in a messy group hug.

You grinned, hugging your friends close. “Casey Jones, I’m so glad you’re okay- fuck man, I thought you must’ve gotten kraang-ifed…”

Raph pulled away, staring at Casey. “You’re…the skeleton dude- Casey Jones?”

“Uh, no duh- who else would I be?! Casey Jones is in the flesh babeeyy!” He grinned, pumping his fist.

“Raph…uh…hit his head in the mutagen bomb, Case’.” You mumbled, and Casey’s grinning facade shattered.

“Oh. Shit.” He said, staring at Raph. “Do you remember…like…anything?”

Raph shrugged dejectedly. “...Some of it. I remember…you and I would spray paint, I think? I remember a lotta (Y/N) apparently…I’ve got some vague recollections of Donatello, mostly their nerd-stuff…”

“Jeez man. That’s…depressing as fuck.” Casey said, blunt as he’d always been.

“Yeah.” Raph grunted.

“So…is it just you?” You asked, fearing the worst.

“Naw, I just found you guys first.” Casey smiled. “Red n’ Angel are searching upstairs…but I hear them coming down right….now.” He said, nodding right as the sound of two people tripping and falling off the treacherous stair-rope Donnie had installed.

“Oooh.” You and Casey winced.

“How ‘bout you? Any sign of the others? …Where’s Donnie?” Casey’s voice lowered for the latter, in an anxious tremor.

“Dee’s….fine. They just…look different than they did last time…you saw them. And…they’re pretty insecure about it.” You mumbled.

“Casey! Casey, we found evidence of someone upstairs- (Y/N)?! Raph!” April said, running into the kitchen as she noticed you. “You guys are here!”

“C’mon O’Neil, rule one of bein’ a ninja is ‘Don’t ever question the vague instructions you get from graffiti’. Didja ever doubt it?” You teased, grinning.

“I-I was so worried, guys! I thought that since my psychic powers stopped working-”

“Woah, how’d that happen?”

“Too many big auras now. They’re impossible to tell apart…trying just gives me a headache.” April explained. “But I thought it meant that you might’ve been dead…” She whispered, and Casey put an arm around her shoulders.

“Woah. So this is your turtle, Case’?” Said a new voice, and a teenage cat mutant leaned into the kitchen. “Hi.”

Raph only grunted in response, and the cat mutant that must’ve been Angel nodded. “Fair.”

“So where is Dee then?” Casey said.

“Shellraiser. In…uh…sleep mode.” You said. “I’ll go get him…but would you guys mind…shit this sounds wimpy. But could you guys…come with me?” You muttered. A part of you was 100% convinced that the instant you left them they would all fade away.

But Casey, who would usually make fun of you for such a childish request, slung his other arm around your shoulders- and you realized he probably felt exactly the same.

“Sure thing.” He said, smiling softly.

“Thanks guys.” You beamed.

You were finally smiling the way you did in the photographs.

Raph couldn’t help but smile too.

***

When Donnie woke up from sleep mode on Day 37 of the Mutant Apocalypse, he was greeted by four familiar faces- two of which were the only faces he’d seen at all in the past month, and two of whom were what convinced him that they were probably somehow dreaming.

But they were a robot, and dreaming wasn’t physically possible anymore.

So that meant this must, somehow, be real.

“Hey Donnie.” Said April, smiling at him, and he wanted to cry even though he didn’t have eyes.

“‘Sup Don.” Said Casey, grinning his gap-toothed grin that looked so much like Donnie’s old one.

“You’re here.” Donnie whispered, feeling his new antennae shoot up. “Holy chalupa you’re HERE?!”

You smiled, helping him up. “Hey Dee, I forgot to tell ya- we’ve got company.”

Donnie stared at the humans. They were here. He had so many questions, but most importantly-

“D’you guys like the new look?” He chuckled, only half joking.

Casey shrugged. “It’s different, but it looks metal as fuck.”

“Yeah that’s ‘cause it is metal, ya meathead.” Said Raph, smiling.

“It looks so cool Dee.” April said, smiling warmly.

Donnie really really wished they could still emote right about now, because the dopey grin that they would have grinned for that was unreal.

***

Day 40.

You and Raph lay on the roof of the farmhouse, watching the red sun set, leaving the sky that weird glowing purple color that it had begun to adopt.

(It really did remind you of some of those old Space Heroes episodes.)

“I really miss the stars.” You said lightly. “But I guess this is sorta pretty too, huh? In like…a weird way.”

“Hey, isn’t that true for all of this shit?” Raph said. “I really miss the stuff in those photos, those glimpses I get of the life we had before…but hey. In a weird…sort of fucked up way…this life is kinda nice too. Don’t get me wrong. It’s really frustrating, I hate my brain most of the time, and I’m like 90% convinced that I’ll never really be the same person…but at least I’m not alone in it, y’know?” He sighed.

You took his hand, squeezing it gently, and he squeezed back, and continued. “I’ve got you and Donnie. I guess now I’ve got Casey, Angel, and April too, and if they survived, who's to say my brothers didn’t?”

You nodded. “Yeah…I guess if we’re out here on this road to nowhere, there’s no one who I’d rather have on my side.” You chuckled half-heartedly. “Still sucks though.”

“Yeah, it really does.” Raph agreed.

You smiled and pulled him into a side hug, suddenly swallowed by bittersweet nostalgia for those days when the biggest threat was Shredder.

But hey, Raph had a point.

At least the outcome, well perhaps a huge downgrade from the breathtaking beauty of the stars, was still sorta pretty.

At least you were on the road to nowhere together.

***

Author's note: I am so glad that Mutant Apocalypse was made into an AU. If it had wound up as the canon ending, that would be...messed up, man. But I like it as an AU, and I hope you've enjoyed journeying through it with me- it's a sad sad ride, but boy did I have fun writing it.

#tmnt x reader #tmnt 2012 x reader #reader insert #gender neutral reader #gn!reader #tmnt raph x reader #tmnt 2012 raph x reader #raph x reader #tmnt 2012 raph #2k12 raph x reader #2k12 raph #mutant apocalypse #tmnt apocalypse au #trans raph

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yellowhollyhock · 3 days

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thinking about Donny developing a crush on Angel

Because I don't think it would be until after btts. There are moments in earlier seasons that are seeds to me, where I think they'd be in love looking back on it, if that makes sense? But when she gives him the best of the outfits in her intro episode and he enjoys dressing up more than we usually will see from him, I don't think it means anything at the time. Or in the Darkness Within when the creature makes him see her fall--I like best to read that as purely platonic in that moment. They don't know each other well yet--but it does tell us something about how deeply he values his friendships. And the fact that she comes to their Christmas party--okay she mostly seems to be there to help Raph torment Casey and April, but still, it shows some trust and level of effort that she's there. Because it's not like she can tell her grandma where she's going.

On my mind lately has been Donny, finally truly coming back to the present after getting Master Splinter back, wanting to move on quickly to the next big thing which he now knows is helping April start her own tech company, but he can't tell her that because 1) messes with the timestream and 2) she just got married. He needs to find ways to keep himself busy because when he doesn't have something immediate to deal with, he ends up having to deal with nightmares and shutdowns instead.

And then here's Angel, settling into her job as a hairdresser, just moved back in with Gramma because she needs help at home, trying to spend more time with the turtles because 1) they disappeared, that freaked everyone out, stuff is is always happening to them and this time she's not gonna miss it, and 2) trying to recapture memories because her life has gotten away from her so fast and now it's 9 to 5 and what ever happened to graffiti and beating up thugs? (she'll get those things back just dealing with early 20s time management struggle). She's not a very openly verbally affectionate person, she's always been super independent, she doesn't really know how to say 'hey i missed you guys, do you wanna hang out because sometimes if i don't see you for too long i get worried.' So she tries to feel useful. Invites herself on patrols with them. Hangs out a lot with Leatherhead learning first aid for mutants (lots of skills apply to both but he's the medical expert in their friend group of mixed creatures and given their various hobbies they could always use more friends who can help with injuries). And--most importantly for this post--brings things by that she thinks the turtles could use. Just little gifts. Fun accessories to help them blend ('trust me mismatched socks are cool, the sillier the better. No one's gonna be checking how many toes you have if you're wearing these'), her own art, extra screws and bolts upon noticing that Donny can always find a way to use them. It becomes a bit of a game, with her trying to spot things that could be taken apart and repurposed to see what he ends up doing with them.

Gifts are a big deal to Donny. Especially since, as noted above, without a crisis to deal with he's finding himself vulnerable as emotions he previously couldn't confront due to being in survival mode are coming to the surface. And now someone he already respects and cares deeply for is bringing him Items and taking an interest in what he does with them. I think this is the main thing that gets his attention. And once you have Don's attention you have All Of It because that's how his brain works what, projecting? me? . He's seeing how much she tries to take care of other people while trying to maintain this aloof 'whatever I'm just here for the free food' facade. Noticing that she likes to do her nails in colors that clash with her hair, when she does them, usually she keeps them plain. Taking an interest in human cosmetology (what an academically interesting subject). Finding her jokes funnier than he ever remembers finding Casey's even though they have a very similar sense of humor. Admiring how brave she is, heart swelling with warmth when she does little things to take care of her grandma, stomach fluttering when she comes over to play video games with Mikey and specifically asks him to join. Taking note of her favorite foods, taste in music, what types of games and movies she likes.

Slowly realizing that his feelings have evolved, trying to ignore it because he has no idea how pursuing a relationship would even work. And then one day as he's shaking himself out of his daydreams to refocus on fixing the dishwasher, realizing that more and more often it's her filling up his thoughts in quiet moments, instead of Shredder or Triceratons or Viral. Huh, cool. Maybe it's not a permanent solution, Master Splinter's been telling him he needs to allow these feelings to run their course, but--well, maybe he can apply that to the crush he's developed. That's something he has to deal with, too, and it sure feels nicer.

And then Angel (who is more observant and more confident than her friend group, mostly older than her, ever remember), asks him on a date. Now he has a big thing to focus on! And for the first time in what feels like ever, it's a happy thing. He's going to be the best boyfriend, Angel deserves to be so spoiled and he's good at that!

#tmnt #tmnt 2003 #2003 donnie #tmnt angel #dongel #donnie x angel

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ladyloveandjustice · 1 year

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My Favorite Books I Read in 2022

I read a TON of books in 2022- roughly 62, (and 54 separate graphic novels/manga series, but we’ll cover that in another post). You can see them all here- the print books start with Hench.

This was thanks to how I started listening to audiobooks while doing chores/working out in addition to reading, and some downtime at the office where I checked out low effort reads. So I thought it would be fun to just give some very quick overviews of the best books I read this year.

First up is:

This is How You Lose the Time War by Max Gladstone and Amal El-Mohtar

Deliciously lyrical and lovely, this novella tells the story of two dangerous women who are rivals on the opposite side of a war fought through time-travel- they taunt each other through letters and ever-so-slowly fall in love. I failed to finish this when I attempted it a couple years ago, I wasn’t in the best place and while I knew the writing was great, I had a hard time processing all the information. I’m really glad I gave it another shot with the audiobook- the narration is wonderful and drew me right in. I would to each letter and then read it in print, tasting each word again like a drop of sweet, dark syrup. It’s got a wonderful fairy-tale element despite being a sci-fi and the colorful picture it paints of time-travel and the ever shifting identities and forms the characters take on is worth getting lost in.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik

I listened to this on audiobook, and it was a great experience. I still have an image in my head of huddling in bed late at night, the narration like a dark, icy wind rattling the windowpane, yet each sentence cradled me and made me feel even cozier under the covers. Based on Polish folklore, the narrative follows a girl who tires of how the villagers spurn and scorn her family for being Jewish moneylenders, so she decides to take matters into her own hands- but her business saavy and talent for multiplying silver catches the attention of some fearful supernatural beings who want to cut a deal. Her story intersects with two other women- one a princess on the run from a demon, one a girl with a family in debt and a cruel father. It’s a sharp and biting fairytale with a lush sense of a setting. I had a few matter-of-my-own-taste quibbles with the ending, but it was a wonderful winter journey.

One Last Stop and I Kissed Shara Wheeler by Casey McQuiston

One Last Stop follows a college girl new to NYC who gets in a romance with a woman who seems to be mysteriously bound to a the subway- and bound to the wrong decade when she should be in the 1970′s! This is a full on mega-cheesy, tooth achingly sweet romance, but for once it’s kinda laser-targets at my gay, awkward self, so I actually really enjoyed it. I wasn’t even bored by the sex scenes and liked reading them, which is unusual for me.

I didn’t enjoy I Kissed Shara Wheeler quite as much, but it’s still worth a mention. The protagonist is a gay girl trying to adjust to existing in a Bible-Belt school, who receives a kiss and a mysterious letter from the supposedly perfect fundie popular girl Shara Wheeler- right before Shara disappears. It’s a YA, and it does a good job capturing what it’s like to be a teen-in-denial of how much they love mess when it comes to love interests, and touches on some of the struggles being queer in the conservative area, while striking down the idea everyone should just move to New York for salvation.

The Deep by Rivers Solomon

This novella tales the tale of Yetu, a member of an undersea race descended from pregnant African women who were thrown off slave ships. She is tasked with carrying the memories and pain of all the generations of her people. It’s an affecting and gut-twisting examination of generational trauma and how one copes with it- is it possible to carry all that agony, or is it best to forget? The narration was a bit dry at times, but it’s a story that stays with you.

I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jeanette McCurdy

Heartbreaking but at times darkly funny, McCurdy’s memoir about her relationship with her abusive mother and struggles with child stardom is worth all the hype, in my opinion. The writing is punchy and the story is told in short vignettes that make for an addicting read/listen. McCurdy does a great job communicating the degrading horror of both familial abuse and exploitative studios, while sardonically highlighting the absurdity the abuse thrives.

Otherside Picnic Vol 7: Funeral of the Moon by Iori Miyazawa

Otherside Picnic truly has my heart. The stories themes of healing from abuse and trauma come to a triumphant crescendo in this volume where Sorawo decides to deal with the Satsuki problem once and for all. It actually inspired me to write a whole article about the themes surrounding trauma, abuse and recovery in this series and how wonderfully they’re handled, which should hopefully be out it couple months!

Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Cows. Free Mustache Rides. Barbie. Nona is impossible to spoil. I got even more hype for The Locked Tomb series after re-experiencing the first two installments in the excellent audio books narrated by Moira Quirk, and Tamsyn Muir cracked my brain open all over again. We get to see a little bit more of what life is like outside the Nine Houses in this one. I found it a little more plodding than the previous two, but it’s still a great installment of my current favorite book series. I’m probably going to listen to the audiobook version soon, which considering I only read it a few months ago, that tells you just how much I enjoyed it.

Loveless by Alice Oseman

A YA following a university girl on a journey to realizing she’s aromantic-asexual. Her fears and feelings of alienation drive her to make some bad choices and risk losing what’s really important. This book almost felt too painfully real- I’m not aromantic, but I came to terms with being asexual in college, and struggled in a similar way. I still struggle sometimes. But while the relatability was almost painful, I felt a deep kinship with this book, and these messy, silly teens and their messy, beautiful friendships. Asexuality is still so rarely talked about and represented that I’m really glad this is out there.

The Honeys by Ryan La Sala

A haunting YA horror, the story follows Mars, a genderfluid kid who was chased out of a fancy rich-kid summer camp that enforces a strict gender binary. His sister remained at the camp and hung out with a group of beautiful, popular girls nicknamed the Honeys. After she ends up dead under suspicious circumstances, Mars goes back to camp to find the truth, but now he himself is hunted. With spooky and visceral prose, some pointed and well deployed social commentary, and an A+ atmosphere, this was a great October read.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

I’d been stinging from disappointment from some books I’d been anticipating but found myself trudging through at times, so this page-turner was a breath of fresh air. The book is about a woman interviewing a movie star from the golden age of cinema known as Evelyn Hugo, only to find that her life was full of secrets and her seven husbands are far from the most interesting relationship in her life. The prose might be too simple for some, but I think it made sense in the context of a woman narrating her life to someone, and it made it very accessible. I knew the main 'twist' of the story, but there were lots more twists it pulled off well. I appreciate that Evelyn was so flawed, and that the book wasn't afraid to let the reader wrestle with a lot of the bad things she did while still showing areas where she deserved sympathy. There were a lot of parts I wish the book could have gone more in depth with (though in the context of a woman telling her life story, it did make sense she didn't in certain areas) and that the viewpoint character was a little more developed, but overall I really enjoyed this as a quick read.

Norse Mythology By Neil Gaiman

A great primer on Norse myth- there were only a couple of these I knew in detail, with a few other I knew about vaguely, and I found it to be a really entertaining and accessible read. Probably not as useful for a Norse Myth know-it-all, but it did a good job piquing my interest.

Bonus reads- these weren’t quite five stars, but were interesting enough to be worth mentioning!

Library of the Unwritten by A.J. Hackwith

In Hell, there’s a library for unfinished stories. The problem is, the characters sometime escape their stories and cause mayhem. It’s up to Hell’s librarian to wrangle them. This had a killer premise and likeable characters, but I found the narrative a little detached and thought it tried to do a little too much at once. Still definitely worth checking out for fans of stories about stories.

Carmilla by J. Sheridan Le Fanu

I read Dracula this year, but I found the classic lesbian vampire story held together a bit better overall, even if the ending was really anticlimactic. I loved the titular vampire. You can check out my reactions here!

T.J. Powar Has Something to Prove by Jesmeen Kaur Deo

This was a really sweet little YA story about an Indian-American girl dealing with the stigma around her body hair. I did find the debate parts a bit dull though, despite the fact I was in debate in high school

Thistlefoot by GennaRose Nethercott

A story steeped in Jewish folklore where two siblings inherit a Baba Yaga house. I found the middle a bit of a slog (and there were a few characters who didn’t have a real reason to be there) but the ending came together really well.

Hench by Natalie Zina Walschots

A temp worker in the henchmen-for-supervillains business gets injured by a hero, and nursing a grudge, uses her statistics know how to destroy the superheroes in creative ways. Her talent catches the eye of the premiere villain, and she gets in deep. It was a really creative concept and biting look at the gig economy and the world of celebrity, and I enjoyed a lot of it! While the heroes are assholes, the stuff the villains do to them (and especially their families) can get pretty uncomfortable, which I found interesting in a morally-grey way but I did wonder about the weird fixation the book had with kidnapping children. I know it’s a go-to for supervillains, but it’s still weirdly overused. And while I don’t mind body horror, the ending was so fixated on it that I actually had to flip ahead to get through it, it was so repetitive and a little bizarre. Still, it stuck in my head and I’m down for a sequel.

---

It was a good year in books and I’m looking forward to the next one!

#year in books #my reviews #books #otherside picnic #this is how you lose the time war #the locked tomb #spinning silver #queer lit #recs #thistlefoot #hench

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putonmyfavoriteshow · 1 year

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Life With Luca thoughts/reactions

WOW, I really enjoyed that way more than I expected to!

OK, so timeline wise the math isn't really mathing for me lmao. Like how do they both have 14 yr olds and Simon being in college already?? The show only ended in 2009/2010 which was 13/14 years ago?? What year is it in this universe??? They both had children the year they went off to college lmao??

But I'm happy to ignore logic since I actually enjoyed the newbies a lot.

I liked that Luca/Skylar weren't just a repeat Casey/Derek dynamic and weren't rivals who full on hated each other but just grew up differently and had some jealousy/hostility toward the other because of that, but actually were a lot sweeter together during more serious moments. I think their personalities perfectly reflected how they were raised - Luca is a bit of a rebel, but he's very much Casey's son, he's trained in First Aid! and has a granola bar in his pocket at all times, albeit stale AF, and takes care of his siblings even if he can be lazy about it sometimes. Skylar is more mature minded but she has the freedom of Derek's parenting so she's not nearly as high strung as Casey is, but she is more organized and put together to make up for Derek's lackadaisical way of living.

I LOVED SIMON!!! He was easily my favorite new character. I can't believe I went from forgetting he even existing to absolutely adoring him. He was so lovable and silly and he must have such a wild childhood being the Venturi-McDonald baby, I would love more backstory on him!

Molly/Kai were adorable and the perfect little chaotic kiddos to round out the ensemble :3

George/Nora - although I wasn't as invested in them, their relationship is so adorable and they're just as dorky and sweet as they were in the series.

The random jewelry heist B-plot was so random, but kinda funny. I'm down for some chaotic hijinx, and I love how it ended with that theif falling through the ceiling XD

The return of Lassiter and Sam were great. It would've been great to see any of the show regulars honestly but I'm glad we got some. I think the return of D-Rock really got me. When they started singing the song I had tears in my eyes. And Ralph as a surgeon was such a great way to explain his absense lmao.

I missed Edwin/Lizzie/Marti. I think that was my only real let down with the movie. They didn't need to be in the whole thing but even a video call would have been nice :/

Career-wise I'm glad they went with Derek as a rock star and Casey as a lawyer. Even though Derek was the hockey guy, seeing him roam around as a rock star with his daughter really just fits his vibe. And I'm so glad the movie course corrected VWD Casey because I was never a fan of her dropping out of college to dance in NY like ?? sure Casey loves to dance but she loves to use her big brain even more!!! Plus fighting for justice?? THAT'S SO CASEY DASEY!!! So it was taboo then, I feel like it's even more taboo now, but had you lived it you would get it! These two always had way too much tension and never quite fell into a sibling-like relationship. They were insanely obsessed with each other making everyone around them uncomfortable, so they were destined to be messed up soulmates <3 It may be an ick for some and that's valid, but for me they'll always be "the exception the the rule" ;) Also Ashley and Mike were always pushing the limit on them, they knew what they were doing! Ok, so now that that's out of the way, I knew that we weren't going to get canon Dasey out of this, but I'm so glad the writers delivered on giving us some great Dasey content regardless. The fact that both Skylar's mom and Casey's hockey husband were both entirely absent and no love interest was given was wise. We basically got to see Derek and Casey play house and be the married vibes that they are which is honestly what us hardcore LWD/Dasey fans want anyway. Mike & Ash didn't miss a beat! That was really Casey and Derek back on my screen and it made me really emotional <3 Maybe the movie didn't have a whole lot of just them, since their children were the focal point but the way it ended, it just made me want more and feel like we were being set up for ...possible canon Dasey? But even if not canon, I think that if the show does get picked up, we can get so much fun Dasey content from it to build from anyway (canon is overrated sometimes lbr) Plus I genuinely enjoy seeing Derek and Casey in parental roles so that would be awesome. And SIMON MORE SIMON PLEASE!!!! <3

#life with luca #life with derek #thoughts and reactions #lwd #lwl #dasey #my opinion #nostalgia

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salty-an-disco · 4 months

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Drew that thing I was thinking about- now, what is this about Mae and Gregg and Cold and Contrarian parallels? (Looking at you very politely)

Him melting aomsksjdxkdoke. so cute <3 Augh. Thank you so much for the contrahero, I’m love them T^T

Now– onto the Gregg&Mae and Contra&Cold parallels– *cracks knuckles* (warning: long ramble ahead)

The most obvious similarities is how dismissive all these characters are of danger and death. One of the first things Mae does when she comes back to town is climb to the wire lines so that she can go over a fence. And before that, she almost got crushed by some tree trunks and this is her reaction:

And on your first encounter (and Mae’s reencounter) with Gregg, those two easily fall back into a familiar bit: listing off horrible things that could’ve happened to the other one, seemingly trying to one-up each other in tragedy levels (that ‘too bad…’ game). To these two, danger, risk of death and injury, it’s all entertainment. Something fun to do with your closest friend. Each of Gregg’s hang out is a dangerous and illegal activity that Mae is happy to go along with (smashing lightbulbs with bats, firing a crossbow on a statue or birds, the knife fight, stealing an animatronic, etc, etc, etc).

Just from this, you can already see where the parallels start. Much like Mae and Gregg, Cold and Contrarian also don’t really care for danger, not really believing consequences are a thing, and going along with whatever would be the most fun.

There’s a very crucial difference though, and it’s that Mae and Gregg are actual people that grew up in a community full of other people; and I think looking into their character arcs more thoroughly could really help to see how Contra and Cold could develop in the real world, or even the kinda people they could be if they were always humans.

First, Gregg:

When you first meet him in Snack Falcon, he’s incredibly energetic and excited to see Mae, happy stimming, screaming, and immediately deciding they need to do a band practice. Those are the first things we learn about Gregg: energetic, impulsive, has a bit of a morbid humor, and really missed Mae. And after meeting with the rest of the band, Bea and Angus, he’s apparently the only one there who missed Mae; both Angus and Bea seem more bemused than enthusiastic, and Casey (someone both Mae and Gregg mention fondly) is nowhere to be found.

That immediately presents Gregg as Mae’s main support, besides her parents, back in Possum Springs, since everyone in town seems to dislike and distrust her for one thing or another she did in the past, but Gregg never seem to care. He’s on the same wavelength as Mae, and because of that, Mae thinks fondly of him. In the midst of all the mess that was dropping out of college and going back home, hanging out with Gregg, doing stupid and illegal shit is a reliable, and maybe even cathartic, source of comfort.

At least– that’s what Mae was hoping for. But Gregg is planning to move out with his boyfriend, Angus, sometime in the future.

And when you think about it– that’s perfectly fair. Gregg is a queer man, heavily implied to be neurodivergent (bipolar is mentioned at one point in the game), living in a conservative small town; of course he’d want to leave as soon as he could. And it’s not like it’s easy for him either, he knows what kind struggles they’ll run it, Possum Springs may suck, but it’s familiar and where everyone he knows is. But he HAS to go, it’s the only way he can grow. (Let’s shelf this for later for now).

And not only that, but much like Mae, Gregg’s also dealing with his own mental issues.

With some more prodding from Mae, we learn that Gregg and Angus have been arguing, and it’s really heaving on Gregg, making him feel like he’s not good enough. Paraphrasing his own words– “Maybe I’m inconsiderate. Maybe I’m not good. I’m just parking lot trash. I’ve known it all along; I’ve got no future if it was just me.”

And that’s what he’s scared of. Being with Angus gave him hope and a future to look forward to, when before, he was most likely just trudging along and whatever happens, happens, much like Mae is doing for the entire game. But now, he has a future, and someone he cares for. And he’s terrified of screwing it up, of losting the one thing, failing the one person he so badly wants to do right by (*gestures vaguely towards ContraHero*).

And Mae doesn’t really understand. She doesn’t know what it is like to have something to worry about, or a future to prepare for. She went to college, yes, but her heart was never in it, she only went along with what her parents wanted and as soon as it got too bad for her to handle, she dipped and went back to Possum Springs, where everythings more simple. Except, it isn’t anymore. Bea hates her, her parents are disappointed in hee, Gregg will be moving out soon, and everyone remembers what she did to that kid in the softball game.

Speaking of–

Let’s talk about Mae’s reputation in the town.

(sounds familiar........ 🤔)

We immediately catch up that Mae was a troublemaker in town by how everyone talks to her. Her aunt mall cop already sounds exhausted (if unsurprised) after seeing that Mae jumped over the fence instead of going the longer way around to the town’s entrance. Mae is known for stealing, vandalizing, causing trouble to the elders, and, more predominantly, of sending a kid to the hospital back in high school (where the ‘killer’ nickname came from). That last one is treated as one of the main mysteries from Mae’s past, together with the reason she dropped out of college. No one in town, and we, the player, really know why she did that, and Lori M (the rat girl up there^) mention their mothers warning kids to stay away from her in case she snaps again.

Mae, for the most part, acts unaffected by this, and seems to embrace her troublemaker status; in a confrontation with an old man that was directly affected by Mae’s behavior in the past, you have the option to double down and insult him back, basically confirming his statement about how Mae hasn’t changed, and is still just the same kid that’s always searching for trouble.

And, yeah, during the day, with other people around, Mae acts like it doesn’t affect her, says she enjoys being seen as a miscreant, and plays into what everyone expects of her. But alone? There’s this very poignant scene where Mae is standing in front of a mirror, preparing for a party, where all her insecurities and self-consciousness comes to light:

(note: the other option you can choose in the second pic is: “You don’t like people. Clearly.”)

We see that not only is Mae self-conscious about her appearance, she DOES care about what people think. She craves connection and a community, that’s why she came back to Possum Springs, but for some reason, it seems like she just can’t hold on to a relationship for long before fucking up.

She’s impulsive, doesn’t have much of a filter, and struggles to understand other people’s perspectives. We see that clearly with Bea. It was Bea’s dream to go to college, but because of personal issues, she can’t; and Mae, someone who GOT that chance, simply threw it all away and dismissed it as ‘college just wasn’t for me’ upon coming back, and expects everything to be as it always was.

Mae isn’t an understanding person. She tries, and she really wants to help the people around her, but she just isn’t very good at understanding people, and will often run her mouth at the worst moments. Bea’s hangouts has some of the best (or worst, ig) examples of that. I’m not gonna get too deep into what happens, but, uhm. It gets BAD, and those moments can make you really unsympathetic towards Mae; but you gotta respect this game for not pulling its punches when showing off its protagonist’s worst traits (and honestly, it made me love Mae all the more, she’s so beautifully flawed).

You can see the familiarities to Cold? Struggle with understanding others, impulsive decisions made with the main goal of entertaining yourself, no sense of danger, disregard of own life, no filter– the main difference is that Mae is much more emotional and prone to snapping, but I feel like their core struggles are very similar.

I could go more into how Mae’s derealization is also very similar to how Cold views the world, but while Cold embraces that feeling as a reason to why you can disregard pain and consequences, that thought terrifies Mae and the kind of person that makes her (it doesn’t make her a bad person, btw, she’s mentally ill and traumatized, but ‘bad person’ is what she internalizes after being told so for so long), but anyway aaaaaaaaahhhhhh this got so long and pretty rambly akaksjsmsjd)djsjdj. Hopefully it made sense though? This has been turning around in my head for days now, glad to finally put it out.

#anyway. nitw good game #slay the princess #voice of the contrarian #voice of the hero #contrahero #voice of the cold #stp voices #night in the woods #stp meta #nitw meta #< kinda?#no idea what this is at this point isnsksdmxjdnci

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lackablazeical · 2 years

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WOAH, I really love ur Addams/rottmnt AU! I really love their designs, especially April and Mayhem's! few questions

why is mikey so feral in this AU

Whats raph like? he's always so quiet and Donnie looks like an evil scientist

LEOSAGI LEOSAGI LEOSAGI-

APIRIL AND MAYHEM YOOOOOOOOO

hows splints and casey(or Cassandra) in this au AKA Could you share some stuff on this beautiful au pls (don't mean to come off as demanding just in case XP)

OQNQOWJEOENDJF IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT AAAAAA I FAINTED AGAINST MY ARMCHAIRS FR/POS

But yes I do have some answers for these!

1. Mikey is feral mostly bc he's very spoiled and he grew up In an environment that encouraged behavior like that! He is the 'Mama's boy' (in the AU, Splinter and Big Mama are canonically married, Splints still lives in the NY sewers, BM still in hidden city and her hotel), and BM definitely encourages his bad behavior. No one really tells him no, and he's an attention hog. He likes getting reactions so doing outlandish stuff and saying cruel things gets him that reaction! He's also an adrenaline junky and a pyromaniac, he'll put himself/others into danger for fun! Plus, BM DOES treat him like a pet, what do you expect. Boy is flea ridden/hj

2. Raph is very quiet and stoic! He still hates being alone, but he also definitely Dislikes being bothered, teased, or pranked. While the most outwardly 'chill', he's very quick to violence. He is the reason Leo has those bite/teeth marks on his shell! Raph bit him <3. His comfort item is Mrs. Cuddles and he always has her with him, which definitely makes it a target for Mikey shenanigans and such! He does still love hugs and snuggles tho, and likes bows, sewing, and cartoons! He doesn't talk much, and he especially won't if his brothers aren't around. He doesn't care much about anything, he's just along for the ride! The brothers often try to, like, 'sic' Raph on eachother by blaming things or just asking REALLLYYYYY nicely (also yes, Don is definitely a mad scientist. Please get him some lab safety etiquette at least some lab goggles)

3. LEOSAGI <3333333 ACTUALLY JUST MY COMFORT CHARACTERS I SWEAR. I have a writer friend who enjoys making small snippets of this AU, and I may ask her if I can post them here or if she would like to post them on A03? So yall can get even more content of the Boyz <3 (NewFallenLeaves on A03! Check out her ROTTMNT stuff, it's wonderful)

4. APRIL AND MAYHEM YES!!!!!! They are both definitely some of my favorite designs of this AU, April is just so beautiful and Mayhem is such a little Creatur. Babey demon demigorgon. Evil beast/pos (fun fact! Mayhems face can split apart in 4 different ways, one way looking like a demigorgon! I'll probably post that sketch sometime soon!)

5. Splinter is great! As Lou Jitsu, he was a film star who behind the scenes was involved in a lot of crime, especially back in Japan with things like the Yakuza. As a rat, he is VERY MUCH based on Gomez Addams. He's fun loving, caring, and loves a good spar session. He may be a bit neglectful of his boys (same as in canon) but he loves and accepts their weird and wacky behavior all the same.

This is his design! Some bits may change but as it stands I am happy w/ it! :D

He owns a decent of pieces of the Shredder Armour as, like, almost trophies? It also helps mean that the Foot will not build the Shredder fully, Aka none of that mess to deal with :]

As for Cassandra, she's not really in the AU at all! I just haven't really been able to think of much for her. As an antagonist, I didn't know whether to lean towards more Addams esque behavior or make her more 'normal' (as normal as she can be JSBSJEB) to have a type of parallel. Idk? Any suggestions and ideas for her would be welcome and I'd tag you if I ended up using/posting any of it!

As for extra content, tomorrow or in the next following days I will either post more random sketches, more Usagi lore (specifically his family) or maybe some finished refs? Whatever I feel like, so look for that >:]

#addams! tmnt au #MY FIRST EVER PROPER ASK IM SO HYPED <333 #rottmnt au #how do most ppl tag asks. hm

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ashwii · 1 year

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Hey I'm super curious...

Can you tell us more about your version of TMNT?

!!!!! YES YES I CAN, I LOVE TALKING AND THINKING ABT IT SO MUCH !!!!!

🤔🤔 ok so I'm gonna list off some general information about my personal tmnt. Not everything is all figured out yet, but there's lots I do know!

My personal TMNT designs for reference

There is no leader in my version of tmnt for a while — they all take leadership sometimes in the beginning. That is until Leo is appointed to be the leader later, and Leo is VERY anxious about that. He feels like the whole world is on his shoulders with that title, and he goes through a character arc of trying to work through his anxieties and be a leader without breaking down and sobbing on the spot djsjw.

The turtles met April when she was around her mid-teens [she's 19-20 in the present]. The way that April fits in is that she's the turts best friend [duh]. She's constantly worried and afraid of the turts getting caught by other humans, because she's almost positive they'd get taken away, experimented on, k!lled, anything. She loves and cares abt them so much, she'd do anything to protect them.

Casey and April are IN LOVE and a COUPLE !!!!! BECAUSE I SAID SO !!!

The way April and Donnie's dynamic work is similar to tmnt2012 except ;;;;; not written like shit JDHEJ. Dona develops a crush [and NOT a creepy one] on her, and it's like that for a while. Eventually, the two TALK IT OUT and COMMUNICATE, and because of that, they become even better and stronger friends than before!!!

Splinter is a bit of a mix of tmnt2012 and rottmnt Splinter. Generally takes things very seriously and he's very wise, BUT he loves to mess with and crack jokes with his turtle kids.

#ok ok that's all the rambling for now #if there are any more questions I'd be happy to answer any !!#ashask

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stormblessed95 · 1 year

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My Top Reads of 2022

Not totally back yet for another day, so I'm posting about reading rather than BTS. lol feel free to skip over it if you'd rather! I just wanted to share some of my favorite reads of 2022. I read 159 books this year (24 of them during my tumblr break the last few weeks!), here are just a few that I loved! If you want more opinions over these or perhaps over books I didn't love as much, I'd be happy to talk more about them!

In no particular order:

He Who Fights with Monsters by Shirtaloon (5 stars):

Content warnings for violence, mentions of cannibalism and death

A LitRPG style fantasy novel that is both high stakes but Still light hearted at the same time. I loved seeing the mayhem happen and the characters grow. It left me so excited to see how the over arching story continued to evolve. Plus I loved the friend groups dynamics here too! It's a little unpolished and times, can be a little slow, told through a flashback. But I loved Jason for the most part and loved hearing his adventures. Super funny and enjoyable.

The Deepest of Secrets by Kelley Armstrong (5 stars)

Content warnings for murder, gun violence, animal attack and mentioned animal death, sexually explicit scenes

Book 7 and the final installment of the Rockton series, but with the promise of a spin off that makes my heart soar. I love this series an unhealthy amount. Amazing characters, amazing writing, fast paced, engaging, one of my all time favorite OTPs. Thriller novels that aren't terrifying but kept the suspense flowing the whole time too. Can't wait to see where Casey and Eric go next. Book 1 in the series is called City of the Lost.

One for All by Lillie Lainoff (4 stars)

Content warnings for ableism, SA, bullying, death of a parent, grief

I was so excited for this one! It was a little predictable and I honestly think it mightve been better If the romance was left behind all together. But the romance portion still wasn't bad. It was excellent for a debut novel. The representation for POTS here was amazing. I loved the strength in the MC, the friendships were all top tier and so sweet. I absolutely loved it! Especially well done for a debut novel too!

The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater (3 - 5 stars through the books)

Trigger warnings, like ALOT of them. Full list can be found here

Had a billion friends begging me to read this one and I finally did! The author is the definition of why authors don't always belong in fandom spaces and is a bit of a mess, but I did enjoy these books! The first one started off super slow and was clearly a set up novel, but they just got better and better as they went. I wasn't a huge fan of her writing in other books, but it worked super well for this series. Massively character driven series and so much fun. The magic system was amazing. The friendship between Blue and the boys was top tier. I cried and I laughed and I had a blast. Not a huge fan of the ending, which felt like a bit of a cop out to me, but it didn't detract from my enjoyment enough to not still give it 5 stars at the end. Lol

Spy x Family Manga (4 - 5 stars)

Content warnings for violence, gun violence

This one was recommended by my sister snd I fell in love so fast. Lol I also then watched the anime after. Very slice of life cuteness, mixed with spy and assassin shenanigans. Chaos incarnate and adorable. The trails of parenthood were hysterical, especially as a parent myself too. Lol although I'm not mixing parenthood with Spy work 😂

Icebreaker by A.L. Graziadei (4 stars)

Content warnings for alcohol, blood, depression, suicidal ideation, homophobia, drugs, racism, sport related violence, sexually explicit scenes

Sports Hockey Romance mlm and so cute and so good! What a great representation for living with bad depression too. MC going through so much, but his relationship with his sisters is amazing, his budding relationship on his team is so good. Rivals to Lovers trope that's perfection too! I loved it so much! Fast and easy and fun to read and enjoyable every second!

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker Chan (4.5 stars)

Content warnings for Ableism, Amputation, Castration, Death, Dysphoria, Homophobia, Misgendering, Murder (child) , Sexually Explicit scenes, starvation, torture (non-graphic), violence

This was INTENSE. But so freaking good. Historical meets fantasy. Mulan vibes, but way more grown up and based in more history. And it's queer. Fun, thought provoking, intense, and so well written too.

The Lost Metal by Brandon Sanderson (5 stars)

Content warnings for death and violence

This is the 7th book in the series and every book in it is AMAZING. Released this year and wow what an epic conclusion. I laughed and I sobbed and I loved every second. Binged it in a day. These covers are so ugly lol but the stories are so good. So thought provoking. Fast paced but every freaking word counts. Engrossing and amazing story telling. The intricate plot contentions through the entire cosmere had me feeling a conspiracy theorist in the best way

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao (5 stars)

Content warnings for Misogyny & femicide, Rape mentioned, Physical & emotional abuse, Suicidal ideation, Alcoholism, Blood & gore depiction, Murder, Torture

This was so good!! So good! It could have used some more flushing out on the world building, magic system and character arcs, but overall I loved every second of it. It's giving me the morally Grey heroine and cast of characters I've always wanted. I loved that it set up with a fairly classic love triangle, but only to give us a bisexual polyship triangle! Badassery the whole way through too! Had me pretty consistently on the edge of my seat.

^the line to end love triangles with all efficiency lmfaoo had me rolling!

Happy New Year! For those who enjoy reading as much as I do too, I hope the new year brings you lots of new good books to read and enjoy!

#my favorite reads of 2022

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jerzwriter · 7 months

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R9: Tell me about a character who doesn't like your character. Why don't they like them?

For as many of them as you want to do 😀

OMFG Ren! I'm looking through asks, and how did I miss this one! This is so entirely fun! (And I may share with some others... )

OK...I think I'll stick with both pairings from Open Heart 🤭 (Apologize in advance; this got long... thanks to the 1 person who may read this! lol)

Tobias / Casey-land

Casey: In general, she tries to be friendly, and she has the ability to tell someone to fuck off and make them walk away smiling after she has, so most people tend to like her. But everyone has their enemies out there don't we know that shit here on Tumblr... 🍵 and Casey's no exception.

The first one that comes to mind is Landry - he detests that she went on to be so successful and that she is held in such high esteem by his idol, Ethan. Then, he goes to Kenmore and tries sucking up to Tobias, and ho and behold, Casey ends up being the love of his life. While I don't HC the same level of bitterness between Landry/MC that others do, and I imagine that if he sees her, he tries to be polite and professional (and she does the same). But deep down, he loathes her. His entitlement can't let him past the fact that he feels she is where he deserves to be.

For a brief period of time, Tobias's brother Jordan (M!OC) doesn't like her. He was a little concerned that Casey was a gold digger, but that was just some projection on his part, and they did makeup pretty quickly when he realized he was being a putz.

Her ex-girlfriend Jess's wife (still working on her name!) wasn't very fond of her initially. It was based on envy and differing personalities. Casey & Jess's split was situational, not necessarily anything either woman wanted, and they remained good friends for life. So initially, she felt a bit threatened by her. After realizing that wasn't anything to worry about, she warmed to Casey a little. But where Casey tends to be light-hearted and fun, Jess's Mrs. is a bit more professional and off-standish. She tolerates Casey but often has an "I don't see what you ever saw in her" attitude. Fortunately, they don't see each other much lol .

Lastly... a whole lot of Tobias's former conquests dislike her... it's the "What does she have that I didn't have" attitude (babes, the list is long lol). But these people are inconsequential in their lives.

Tobias: Well, when he came into Casey's life, Ethan would be the top contender. The two of them had their shared history/rivalry, and after their falling out, Ethan was decidedly not a fan. When Tobias started dating Casey after Casey broke up with Ethan yeah, Dr. Ramsey was not pleased. But after the chemical attack, they were able to bridge their differences and end up becoming good friends again.

Several of his relatives on his late father's side of the family. Tobias's Dad died when he was in Med School, and while not fully estranged, they were not on the best of terms when he died (something Tobias struggles with for the rest of his life.) To hear this group of relatives talk, that is the reason, but that's bullshit. For what it's worth, these are the family members his father didn't get on well with either. Truth is, they tend to be racist and always looked at Tobias and his brother as lesser than them (one of the reasons his father disliked them). They're not too fond of Casey, who has put them in their place on more than one occasion (so they don't like her either lol).

Several of his exes... but... only one (maybe two?) that he was remotely serious with. He was really a dick to his college girlfriend, Kara, who went on to be a prominent lawyer in DC, and while she doesn't think of him often, she never looks at him favorably. After the Hopkin's mess, his ex (and Ethan's ex) Vincenza really didn't think highly of either of them, but in time she forgave them both in time. His ex-long-term-situationship Audrey really disliked him for a while after he began dating Casey... as did a bevy of others who had hoped for more, but he swore that was never going to be his life... and now there he was. So there was some bitterness and a lot of talking shit, but they weren't much of an issue. (And Audrey eventually came around. lol)

Ethan / Kaycee land:

Kaycee: Her situation with Landry is pretty much the same as Casey's above, though I feel like there is a little less detesting on Landry's part. Why? Because he still idolized Ethan, and in some way, I think he figured if she was with Ethan, she couldn't have been that bad. Of course, Ethan thought he was a dick, but that didn't matter lol

I'm sure there are some staff at Edenbrook who dislike her because they are envious of her position and/or relationship with Ethan, but they tend to keep that to themselves because they don't want to deal with Ethan's ire.

I don't think many dislike Kaycee, but I think she is more low-key (compared to Casey) and flies below a lot of people's radar. Her circle is smaller, so there may not be as many who are crazy about her, but the opposite is also true. There are fewer who actively dislike her.

Ethan: While I do HC that Ethan softens a bit because, let's face it, he was an asshole when we met him, he is still a bit short and acerbic, and that really rubs some people the wrong way. Again, when it comes to work, many may not let that be known.

I HC him to have at least one very "Seinfeld/Newman-like" relationship with a patron at Donahue's and at least one neighbor. They've rubbed each other the wrong way for over a decade, and their very existence irritates the other, but they're not close so that limits the damage here. (PS, I HC that the neighbor adores Kaycee, which just makes the "thing" between them and Ethan worse, lol.)

Declan. Declan will forever hate Ethan, and Ethan will forever hate Declan. That will never, ever change.

Several Board Members. They respect him and look at him as a necessary burden because of his skill and what he brings to the hospital, but they're not at all fond of him as a person, and the feeling is very, very mutual.

I think I've blabbed enough, but this was seriously fun! Thanks, Ren, and sorry for the seriously long delay in answering.

#asks answered #open heart #ethan ramsey #tobias carrick #casey mactavish #kaycee macclennan #haters gotta hate #lol

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jarotopal · 2 years

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Tmnt 2012: The Next Gen. Au headcanons + OCs

(Mostly putting this here so I don’t loose my ideas)

UPDATED

General:

The turtles are 20+ for context

Raph (he/they)and Mona (she/they) are married and live close by in another part of the sewers with their kids (I will get to that soon).

Leia/Leo/Lee (Leonardo)(she/her) is still leader but it’s more of a relaxed role, enjoys gardening (like idw Leo) and occasionally space travels. She came out as trans a few months after Rigel visited earth for the first time.

Donnie (biologically female, prefers he/him pronouns) pretty much takes care of the layer while Leia is away, has a side job as a tech support agent (like 2007), takes care of Leia’s garden when she’s off world.

Mikey (uses any pronouns) spends most of his time at Casey’s flat. Casey and them kind of became a thing one day and it just made sense. Mikey does a lot of art like sculpting and painting.

Casey (he/she) got a job working at a tattoo parlor, after a while he was taken on as an apprentice after the shop owner saw his drawings. Casey took to it like a natural.

April (she/her) got into NYU and studied journalism, she’s still friends with the turtles and Casey, but she has to travel a bit to see them now a days with her job on the other side of the city.

My Oc’s:

Avery (later Hamato Avery) (she/her)

Avery was a normal wildlife biologist until after returning from a research trip, was accidentally hit with mutagen and transformed into a mutant pine martin. Donnie finds her huddled in an alley by one of the entrances to the layer. Donnie allows her to make refuge in the layer until he can make up a batch of mutagen to turn her back. After living with Donnie and meeting his family she starts having second thoughts about turning back to human. After the mutagen is finished, she decides to stay as a mutant and continues to stay with Donnie and they become a couple.

Hamato ‘Rose’ Roseline (she/her)

Daughter of Donatello and Avery, she’s a hybrid of her parents, pine martin and turtle. She was created in Donnie’s lab. She’s the third oldest of the next gen. group. Her weapon of choice is a naginata and throwing stars. She’s incredibly gifted at stealth and climbing high buildings (which gives Donnie a heart attack most days). She’s a nerd like her parents and loves playing with her baby cousins and is really close with Elisa (Mikey’s daughter).

Captain Rigel (he/him)

He’s an alien, of a species called the Basali. They look like tall basilisk lizards (kind of like the Salamandrians). Met him on a planet known to be a vacation destination, while on shore leave. Leia was an absolute disaster trying to flirt with him, but luckily Rigel thought Leia’s bad flirting was cute. Writes Leia often and they spend time together when Rigel is on shore leave.

Hamato Yoshi jr. (He/him)

Sometimes called Junior. Son of Rigel and Leia. He’s a Basali-turtle hybrid, made with Donnie’s help in his lab. The youngest of the next gen. group but is the tallest (taking after captn dad). He uses double katanas like Leia. Is still learning a lot of ninjitsu and gets frustrated when he messes up, he doesn’t want to let his cousins down.

Hamato Elisa (she/they)

Mikey and Casey’s daughter. Adopted after she was rescued from a research lab. Is a eastern box turtle mutant. Second oldest of the next gen. group. Uses modified yo-yos as her weapons. Took her a long time to come out of her shell (literally) around her new family. Is incredibly close to Rose.

Hamato ‘Gio’ Giovanni (he/him)

Is a turtle-salamandrian hybrid. Is the eldest of the next gen. group, by at least two years; four years older than Yoshi. Is the leader and very protective of his cousins. Hot headed like his papa Raph but can keep control when need be. Uses a range of different weapons from Sais to a Kanabo, throwing stars to kunai. Versed in many fighting styles. Admires his grandpa Splinter although never got to meet him.

Kids ages:

Gio- 17, Elisa- 15, Rose- 15 (a couple of months younger than Elisa), Yoshi jr.- 13.

Other cousins:

Luna (Yoshi’s baby sister) 5yo, Frida (Gio’s sister) 15 yo., Enzo (Elisa’s baby brother) 4 yo, Mei (Enzo’s twin and Eliza’s baby sister) 4yo.

T-cesters dni! I will bash your kneecaps in.

#I updated some of my headcanons for the future turtle fam #tmnt 2012 next gen au #tmnt ocs #tmnt 2012 #2012 tmnt #my ocs #I’m thinking about writing some short fics around this au #tcest dni #tmnt 2012 donatello #tmnt 2012 leo #tmnt 2012 raph #tmnt 2012 mikey

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severide-kelly · 2 years

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We Need to Talk About Stella Kidd

I really do love Stellaride as a pairing, but I *hate* the way they write for Stella at times. And I LOVE Stella.

I re-watched 'Halfway to the moon' (or something close to that title) a season 10 episode. It's the episode where Gallo works with Squad on a crane rescue and he decides he wants to pursue his ambition of joining Squad.

Now, Gallo had already had the discussion with Casey earlier in the season (or the end of 9, I can't recall which). Severide is making no play for Gallo at any time, but he is supportive and encouraging if he wants to join and do some training with him if he wishes to do it.

So I *really* hate it when Stella went to Kelly and pretty much accuses him of poaching Gallo from Truck and acts like he does this sort of thing all the time. And then at Molly's, she's basically bitching about Kelly to Herrmann and how Squad is always doing this kinda thing.

It's such a bad take. Squad doesn't poach anyone. The closest would have been Kelly pushing for Mills in S1, but he still did that after Mills made it clear that Squad was his goal. He didn't poach Cruz or Vargas either and Herrmann, Casey, and Kidd all seem to have this big attitude towards Squad like they're the bad guys in a cartoon when they act incredibly entitled and are selfish themselves.

So after Stella tells Kelly what a bastard he is (not in those words), and then tells Herrmann what a bastard Kelly is (again...), Kelly graciously talks to Stella very maturely about how he isn't doing anything secretly but that he didn't know how upset she would be about it and tells her a story about how he was held back from his ambitions.

Stella thinks about this and then talks to Gallo and I think the way she talks to him is so manipulative that in a different scenario, she'd be hated as the villain of the piece as she basically tells Gallo not to worry about her, it's fine and she wants him to do what he wants and she'll support him no matter how she feels about him leaving. Dudes!!!! This is so fucked up! This is properly messing with your head, horrible behaviour (and sadly, it's not the only time Stella does this kinda thing).

You can see the exact second she mentions how his decision affects her and how Gallo's expression changes. It's gone from just giving him her blessing to guilt-tripping him in just a few words. Gallo goes off and talks to Pelham, he recalls the episode where he climbed a tree and rescued a cat and how it was Stella's idea and how she's an amazing leader, and Pelham then also starts to basically say that she's also a more nurturing leader than Severide (not got a big issue with that as it's true). But I hate how it reinforces Stella being a bit of a manipulator and ultimately getting her own way.

So we do have some comeback from all this at the end, and I am grateful for it. The ending at the loft seems Severide make some objections about the cost of the wedding and ways to cut back and Stella dismisses all of his objections. She then turns her attention to the difference of opinion they had at work and how well they handled it and Kelly just points out that she thinks it went well as she got her own way and that happens a lot.

She doesn't really have anything to say to that and he walks away.

I'm glad they acknowledge what she does, and she admits it in the next episode as well, but they really need to have her stop doing this shit.

It makes her so hard to root for, especially when Severide gets this crap all the time. I swear no one gets shit on more in this show than him.

And..... rant over!

#Stella Kidd #Kelly Severide #Stellaride

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