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vparka · 2 months

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Mx. Sinister // Hyunlix fanfic

Hyunlix fanfiction. / Hwang Hyunjin x Lee Felix.

Rated: Explicit.

Length: Long fic, no exact number of words and chapters yet.

⚠️ Tags: MANIAC era, Obsession, Sasaeng-behaviour. Possesive behaviour, Idol! Lee Felix, Fanboy! Hwang Hyunjin. Smut // Different tags. Attempted kidnapping, Rich! Hyunjin. Daydreaming. Hyunjin being delulu (lol). Crack treated seriously. ETC.

AO3 Link: "Mx. Sinister" Click! // includes all tags to take in consideration.

Summary:

And there he was, the most perfect being on earth. The total definition of an angel, a deep and smooth voice that didn’t match his delicate and soft face features at all; a really pretty face, short and skinny body. He had long blond hair and was completely dressed in red. Now, Hyunjin wasn’t gay nor anything other than straight but the guy on TV… the dude was stunning; he had the cutest pair of lips and the brightest and happiest eyes he had ever seen, yet his expression was deadly serious. The idol immediately hypnotized Hyunjin with his siren-like voice. He looked dangerous, yet so enchanting. Totally breathtaking. Hyunjin’s breath hitched, his heart skipped a beat and his eyes widened in shock.

So this was L̶̡̡̺̪̟̮͙̳̱͙̃̐̾̕̕͘Ǫ̸̨̻̯͎̯̬̳̀̆̆͋̏́̃̄̇̃͘V̸̢̮͎̖̌̈̓E̵̤̠̳͕̖̙̞̞̻̻̙̒̿̈́̍̃́̔ at first sight.

____ Or. "How Hwang Hyunjin lost his head to an Idol."

Chapter 1 / ??

If someone told the Hwang Hyunjin from a year ago that he would be obsessing over a freaking male k-pop idol in his early twenties and spending money like crazy on said male idol’s group just for him , he would have laughed at their face… and probably given them a huge side eye.

Hwang Hyunjin wasn’t even gay- he wasn’t bisexual either, and he did like music, but he wasn’t a huge fan of pop nor was used to obsessing over an angelic boy with such a pretty face and a damn alluring voice, with an impossibly sweet personality. Yeah, Lee Felix was all of that… which Hyunjin couldn’t handle, at all.

No, all of this was new for Hyunjin… If being already a year deep into this still was considered being new. He had always loved music, how could he not? it was always there for him, in the good and bad moments, but he never had lost his head over an artist.

Sure, he had casual merch, some hoodies and posters here and there from different artists he liked… but he hadn’t been the same since he had discovered Stray Kids thanks to his hairstylist, who had the TV on while she bleached Hyunjin’s hair at her salon on a boring Saturday morning some time ago: Hyunjin had been scrolling down his phone, liking a few IG posts from his friends and not minding the music until a deep voice had caught him off guard— a male voice. Even though he wasn’t a fan of k-pop, the voice had made him curious; guys with deep voices weren’t that usual, so he had looked up and ended up seeing the most perfect being on earth. An angel…

And his life had changed completely thanks to a video of a k-pop boy group dancing.

As Hyunjin continued scrolling down IG and liking some posts while he waited for the lady to do his hair, he couldn’t help himself and curiously looked up when he heard a deep voice rapping so smoothly, so confident: It was a deep and beautiful voice, not annoyingly raspy and over acted— no, this one was natural and sexy… these were difficult to find. Usually dudes in the pop industry had a normal voice or a somewhat lower one, but not that smooth and seductive, dripping with so much confidence and flow… So, of course he wanted to see the dude, just out of pure curiosity. It wasn’t a bad voice at all and the song was actually catchy, it was a song that he could see himself actually adding to his own playlists. Hwang Hyunjin looked up at the TV as his hairstylist prepared the toner; he planned to go blond and had been wanting to since a few months ago.

Hyunjin’s breath hitched, his heart skipped a beat and his eyes widened in shock.

So this was L̶̡̡̺̪̟̮͙̳̱͙̃̐̾̕̕͘Ǫ̸̨̻̯͎̯̬̳̀̆̆͋̏́̃̄̇̃͘V̸̢̮͎̖̌̈̓E̵̤̠̳͕̖̙̞̞̻̻̙̒̿̈́̍̃́̔ at first sight.

He couldn’t help himself, he immediately asked his hairstylist without even looking at her, not fully processing what the idol was making him feel.

“Which group is this?” Hyunjin couldn’t keep his eyes off the screen. Angel smiled briefly and continued dancing with such a passion, his movements so fluid yet so calculated as another member of the group took the center and started singing, but Hyunjin’s eyes followed him. “ Who’s the blond dude with the deep voice?”

“Uhn?” The lady turned around and raised her eyebrow at Hyunjin’s sudden interest in a k-pop group, he had been her client for years and even though he never complained about her playing k-pop, she knew that it wasn’t Hyunjin’s usual preferred genre. He seemed pretty engaged in the boy group's performance though, so she just decided to answer. Well, nothing bad about liking a song. “They’re called Stray Kids, are you talking about the rapper? His name is Felix. The song is Thunderous” ”

Felix.

A year since Hwang Hyunjin had met the love of his life , his soulmate. A year of investigating Lee Yongbok. Felix. His beautiful Yongbokkie. His dear Lixie. A year of following and constantly checking Felix’s social media, of downloading photos and videos of him, of watching every program that featured him; a year of using his personal black card to buy Stray Kids’ discography just for Felix and his merch…

A year since Hyunjin had started seeing the male body in another light because a certain man was making him feel things he hadn’t even experienced with women before… even when said man had never seen him before, didn’t know him and the chance of touching was less than zero. A year since Hyunjin started craving another male : to cuddle a tall figure, to caress a small waist and wider shoulders, to wanting to memorize those dazzling masculine curves with his fingers and mouth, to inhale that characteristic scent the other members of Stray Kids said that Felix possessed… all of that while Hyunjin heard Felix’s deep, sexy and strong voice, preferably close to his ear. Sometimes it wasn’t even sexual (though it wasn’t exactly a secret that Hyunjin had already dedicated one or two to Felix… or more like every masturbating session since he had known about the idol) but Hyunjin also wanted Felix’s softness and his cute personality. He wanted to hold his hand, kiss his cheek, eat his brownies… he wanted Lee Felix.

Hyunjin had never been a plushie kind of person, but now he had a special corner just for Bbokari with its own closet full of cute clothes, bought and some handmade by himself (these were simpler but made with love), he also had the binder things filled with Felix’s photocards, a lot of them were bought or traded from and with other Stays because he didn’t had enough luck to pull Felix’s photocards in every album- actually , it was rare for Hyunjin to pull a Felix photocard. His phone and computer had Felix as his wallpaper, he had keychains of Bbokari and Felix’s own face- and Hyunjin had the photocard of the Thunderous era on his phone case. He had a Bubble subscription that he paid every month for just to be in Felix’s chat, to receive texts and selfies from him. A couple of life sized cardboard cutouts of Felix (it was incredibly cute that the idol was shorter than Hyunjin!) one intact in his room and another hidden in his closet… for more personal uses.

Hyunjin had everything.

Nobody but him and the maids that cleaned the house knew about Hyunjin’s collection of the idol, or at least the extent of it.

Even though Hyunjin was a person of a small social circle (being an introvert kind of made it that way, but he didn’t mind it, it was actually quite comfy being on a small circle) he was quite popular in university thanks to his looks and family name— so the nosey people did noticed that his phone case had suddenly an idol photocard, but none had dared to say anything nasty to his face yet. Hyunjin preferred it that way, so what if his phone case and school bag suddenly had photocards of his love, despite being known for saying out loud that k-pop was for kids and obsessed girls a couple times? It was his business only. And apparently his friends’ because they thought it was fun to tease Hyunjin about his celebrity crush, though they never crossed a line of teasing too much or insulting Felix.

Hyunjin also ran a big Felix dedicated fan account on twitter where he hyped the idol up and expressed his deep love for him on his freetime. His friends didn’t know about this one yet, and Hyunjin wasn’t planning on telling them either. It would actually embarrass him— he wasn’t ashamed of publicly loving Yongbokkie, but his romantic side was actually kind of embarrassing… and Hyunjin didn’t hid that side of him whenever he went on a rant or wrote paragraphs where he tagged Stray Kids’ official account, sending an endless sea of messages and hoping that Felix would read them.

It seemed that a lot of people in the fandom liked Felix too, because Hyunjin’s account was followed by so many people and they seemed to connect with Hyunjin’s yearning for the idol- too bad they didn’t love Yongbokkie just like him, he loved the Australian so much more and his love for him was more real than theirs combined . He was just better and Yongbokkie only deserved the best , so of course Hyunjin did his best to support the other man; writing to him and supporting him by buying albums and merch.

It had been a year. A busy and sad year because he still hadn’t seen Lee Felix in real life… because Hyunjin had entered the fandom when Stray Kids were on hiatus. Nobody knew where they exactly were, but the fandom was blessed with constant updates of the members every now and then; posts, selfies on different platforms and a few lives on IG.

He had been surviving on crumbs… but it was alright, not totally but it was okay— Felix seemed happy whenever he went Live, it was easy to notice that he seemed relaxed, the break erasing the angel’s eye dark circles.

Hyunjin was happy about the fact that his love was sleeping well, he totally deserved it after working so hard and Hyunjin always made sure to say it on a comment

Like right now.

yong.lixx LIVE

Felix was smiling, reading comments as he ate his dinner. He wasn’t wearing any makeup and was dressed in silky pajamas. Judging by his attire and the fact that he was eating dinner, Hyunjin could guess that Felix was currently in Korea, where? he didn’t know, but it made sense. Felix had also said that it was kinda late at the start of the transmission, 11pm, so it was probably going to be a short live… and Hyunjin had realized immediately that they were on the same time zone, so it just made sense, really . Even by his standards, he wasn’t that stalkey (right?) And it was such a nice coincidence, the older male could pretend that they were having a late dinner date at home right now; he was at home wearing his own expensive pajamas and had a pizza box beside him, ready to relax after a long, exhausting day of university and shopping.

There were rumors about Stray Kids making a comeback soon and Hyunjin had gone all the way to the biggest mall in Seoul after class to buy himself a professional camera. If the rumors were true, then it was better if he was prepared beforehand.

It wasn’t a secret that the Hwang family was disgustingly rich, one of the most influential and rich families in Seoul and him being an only child meant that there was more money for him- so of course Hyunjin planned to go to every event he could to meet Felix and take pictures and videos of him. To see Felix and capture every moment and breath of his, only for Hyunjin’s own enjoyment. He had to be prepared to capture his soulmate’s natural beauty and the exact moments where Felix would react to see his destined lover; Hyunjin - himself, of course, the one and only Hwang heir of a couple of renowned famous brands in Korea; his dad being the CEO of a tech company and his mother the owner of a popular fashion brand, himself being a great painter and only a year and a half to finish university with an already guaranteed excellent paying job— so it was pretty obvious that he could provide for the idol, unlike most people online that dared to say that Felix was their sunshine- he would take great care of the Australian whenever his dear Lixie decided to step away from his idol life, not having to worry about a single cent. He would have a big house, would eat only the most delicious foods and have Hyunjin by his side, loyal and always ready to protect him-

Hyunjin would take great care of Felix, they wouldn’t, couldn’t . Especially if Felix ended up being expensive, which Hyunjin could accept without any problem, his family had too much money anyway and he wasn’t one to usually spend money recklessly; he probably used like a five or ten percent of his total allowance and he did sold his paints for a good price, so what was better than spending it on his soulmate? Felix only deserved the best.

The older male wished he could cuddle Felix and feed him right now, have Yongbokkie sitting on his lap looking at him with so much love and smiling at him , Felix’s cute lips open as Hyunjin would feed him a pretty, sweet pastry. Hyunjin would hold him with so much love, keeping him warm while he whispered sweet words to his angel as he kissed his cheek. It would be a nice, comfy dinner date between boyfriends-

“Super shy, super shy…. “ Felix sang that damn song again as he took a bite of his dinner mindlessly, reading comments. It was probably the third live where he sang that cutesy song with his criminally deep voice and Hyunjin honestly couldn't take it anymore. His heart ached with so much yearning, Felix was killing him, he was just so damn sweet and Hyunjin’s heart could only take so much. Felix giggled softly, eyes quickly reading the flood of comments. “Sorry. “ the idol said as he smiled.

Felix had bleached his hair again and it looked really good on him, to be honest. His hair was tied up in a small ponytail, though there were some rebel strands of soft hair caressing his beautiful freckled cheeks. The idol definitely rocked blond hair, Hyunjin would have thought that it was his real color if he hadn’t seen Felix’s pre-debut photos before. His real color was pretty cute, too… but blond really made his skin glow, his freckles looking more prominent: it was a contrast of platinum blonde hair, lovely tanned skin and his brown pigmented freckles.

He really looks good with everything, Hyunjin absently thought as he fixed his own red hair: he had dyed it a week ago, actually. He did look good with blond hair himself, but he just felt like going for a more risky look. He really hadn’t thought much about it, he had just felt like going bright red would be interesting… which had been kind of weird because he usually preferred not to stand out– people got too comfortable talking to him about uninteresting, shallow things or even trying to flirt. Apparently, he looked like a player… which he wasn’t, especially now that he had his eyes set on a special someone.

Once his bangs were out of his face (he wanted to be able to see Felix as much as he could) , Hyunjin took a bite of his own dinner and typed a quick comment, hoping that the idol would read it.

|| hynjinnnn: you look so beautiful, Yongbokkie. I’m glad you’re looking more relaxed, you deserve the rest 🥰😘 ||

Short, but straight to the point. It usually wasn’t like this, he loved to write in deep detail just how lovely Felix looked and acted, how proud Hyunjin was of him, he would express his love and admiration. His usual messages were long and dedicated… and Felix never read those. It hurt .

Hyunjin smiled as he saw the younger male giggle again but felt dread inside, of course Felix didn’t read it either. As much as the idol tried to interact with every fan, Hyunjin never got lucky… and he hated it. It wasn’t Felix’s fault, but Hyunjin couldn’t help but feel like a kicked, jealous puppy. Here he was, the so-called Cold Prince and one of the most wanted people in his university, aching for the love of his life to notice him- to give him a crumb of attention.

Couldn’t Felix recognize Hyunjin’s username? He had a, he must admit, a pretty damn nice picture of himself as his profile picture- unlike the ninety-eight percent of the people commenting on the live’s chat who had cartoons or pictures of other idols as theirs, plus, Hyunjin never missed a Felix live.

Some people on the chat already recognized him, here and on other platforms where he showed his support, why couldn’t Felix recognize him too? The older male wasn’t a narcissist in any way, he actually preferred to not think about himself because there were actual important things to think about instead… but he had to gain the idol’s attention in any way, what was better than dressing in expensive designer clothes and having his hair dyed bright red? People tended to recognize that kind of style more than Hyunjin’s usual black, casual clothes and dark hair… but apparently it wasn’t working correctly. He had gained more attention when he was outside and some other people in the fandom that followed him on IG and TikTok but they weren’t Felix, so it didn’t matter.

With a heavy sigh, Hyunjin grabbed his laptop and opened twitter, then he quickly typed;

|| JIN.IRET 🥐 / hynjinnnn ||

|| Yongbokkie is live and he looks so cute, UGH. I want to kiss his freckles so bad, he’s such an angel. I wish I could cuddle him right nowww ||

It was pretty tame compared to what he usually would write or express while he lost it on a TikTok video, but it expressed a little his need for the idol… and that was the magic of being online. While real-life Hyunjin would be blank-faced if you were face-to-face with him, not making a single expression outside his (usual, default) bored-looking one, and his words would be probably taken as sarcasm than actual lovesickness; online Hyunjin could express himself without shame, words and screams conveying much more emotion than his actual face in real life… plus, nobody really knew him. Nobody would know that he was out of character, even for himself, when he was free and in the mood to talk about Felix.

That was the pinning , whipped side of Hwang Hyunjin.

He had his moments where he was spontaneous and behaved crazily with his inner circle or even in videos, sure, but he usually was pretty calm and kept to himself, his control of his own impulses was alright— but being alone and free to express whatever was on his mind when it was about his Lixie?

He didn’t care about what other people thought about him, but it did feel… liberating. Why did Felix not give him a little attention, then?

Hyunjin stared at his phone while the IG live was still playing. Felix was still eating and reading in silence, occasionally giggling and scrolling down comments. Feline-like eyes tracked every movement the idol did, he just couldn’t understand how someone could be so perfect, he wanted to sob.

This was pathetic already, but that was how it was… Felix had him completely enchanted.

“Felix, did you bleach your hair again? Can’t see your roots.” Felix read in English and Hyunjin bit his lower lip. Sounds so sexy… he thought, closing his eyes in despair as he bit aggressively a slice of pizza. This man was going to be the end of him. Felix smiled brightly and nodded slightly, showing off the work his hair stylist had done. “Yeah, I got my hair bleached two days ago, can you guess why?” He smiled cheekily and drank a sip from his soda.

That question provoked a whole sea of comments, people principally speculated about a possible comeback… and their theories could be true. Felix had been growing his hair but not retouching the roots during his whole break because he wanted to have healthy hair, the other members of Stray Kids had also started to post photos of Seoul… so all of them were in Korea. And it had been four months since they went on a break, so it wasn’t unlikely that they were preparing to hit the stages again. Hyunjin desperately wanted that to be true, it would be his opportunity to assist their events, concerts and fansigns to finally meet his sunshine, to wait for Felix at the airport if he went abroad for promotions… he could finally be near the Australian. He wanted that, badly.

“Oh, who are you?” Felix suddenly smiled widely, his eyes looking at something or someone behind the camera with complete attention. He looked happy… “What are you doing here?” He asked amicably, moving to a side to let the person who entered the room a space next to him.

“Another member?” Hyunjin muttered to himself, slightly frowning, lips tight as he let the slice of pizza back on the box, his attention now focused on the intrusion of Felix’s live.

It wasn’t rare for the others to join someone else’s live, but this time Hyunjin felt annoyed. He was pretending to have a dinner date with Felix, why would the other members join the transmission this late? Plus, this action only feeded the comeback theories more, being together, weren’t comebacks supposed to be secret until official announcements?

“Hi, this is Bangchan! “ the leader of the group announced his presence happily, sitting next to Felix and offering a bright smile to the camera. He was a handsome guy and had his charm, yes, but it still made Hyunjin feel annoyed and why was Bangchan side-hugging Felix now, so unashamedly? Skinship was pretty common between them, the fanservice was great and all… but why with Felix? “Uhm? ‘Chan, are the comeback rumors true?’ Uhmm, that’s a secret! Haha.”

Felix giggled as he looked at Bangchan’s contagious smile, they really seemed close. It was common knowledge in the fandom that they were like that, being both Australians and having a lot in common… the bond was expected. Hyunjin was cool with Bangchan, actually, but he really had wanted to pretend this was a date with Felix, it had been a while since the cute boy went Live.

Hyunjin sighed and grabbed his slice of pizza again. He was a pretty logical guy who preferred to think before assuming , but since the idol entered his life his brain cells tended to take a vacation whenever he saw him. Felix and Bangchan were close, like really close but not that close, right? Inside himself Hyunjin knew that this thing he had for the blonde wasn’t totally normal, but he couldn’t help himself. This connection he had with Felix (even if the idol didn’t know yet) was stronger than any logic, than any common sense. They were destined, it was only normal for Hyunjin to worry about his love; about someone else touching his angel, breathing the same air as him so closely, even if they were friends of his. Hyunjin was allowed to be slightly jealous, right?

He continued watching the live, pink lips pouting and eyes focused on his freckled angel.

He wished he could cuddle Felix right now, he looked so cute with his hair tied up, Hyunjin wanted to kiss those soft cheeks.

He let out a huge sigh.

Just a little more…

More…

Why did he choose this song, again?

Hyunjin tried to control his facial expressions, this take had to be the one… but his legs and arms were starting to get tired, he discreetly bit the inside of his cheek.

He had been practicing the “Domino” choreography for a couple weeks now and had been wanting to film a TikTok video of him doing it even before he had started practicing it… but it was difficult, holy fuck.

It wasn’t a joke that k-pop was catchy and that people usually ended up learning a dance or two because how would you want to listen to a pretty damn good song and not want to dance to it? he’d never been a sports or physical activity person, really, he was more of preferring to express himself with art, like painting or writing, for example. But Stray Kids’ music had made him want to actually learn how to dance– and that was what Hwang Hyunjin had been up to since the past month. He had started with the basics and was still learning them, but sometimes he wanted to dance to one of his favorite songs but holy shit , hitting the moves on time and with the same fluidity was difficult, how did Felix make it look so easy? Okay, it was the whole group but in his defense, Hyunjin only had eyes for the blonde. How did he move like a fish in the sea with all of these difficult moves? God, Felix was truly amazing.

As the song came to the end, Hyunjin exhaled deeply and walked towards his phone to stop recording. He had done it, he finally managed to get a take where he didn’t mess up and his fluidity was actually decent. He still had to polish some moves and get the technique right, but he was happy with the result.

He had some hair pins on, thank god, because he had started to sweat half an hour ago with all the takes he had to do and wait, what was that notification on his screen?

Hyunjin’s eyes widened in shock, he quickly removed some sweat from his forehead with a quick move of his wrist and opened the tweet coming from Stray Kids’ official account.

“No fucking way.” He muttered in excitement, eyes quickly devouring the information on his screen. His heart started beating quicker and his fingers felt a little shaky. It was a comeback announcement, no way. There weren’t too many details but holy fuck, it was official now. “Wait—?” Hyunjin got distracted as he got a Bubble notification. He was subscribed to everyone’s Bubble but he knew that notification sound by heart now and who wrote like that, Felix!

Without any further thinking, Hyunjin tapped on the new notification. The Bubble app opened immediately and Hyunjin felt his breath stop for a moment, there was a selfie from Felix and a couple of short messages.

《《《《《 My hair is shorter now…

Do you like it? ☺️ 》》》》》

Hyunjin loved it. Long or short, blond, black or brunette... he loved it in any way, any color, he loved Felix.

Hyunjin saved the selfie immediately and stared at it for what felt like a couple of seconds, but in reality it was a few minutes. He just couldn’t believe that someone so angelical like this existed; Felix’s hair was still blond, but it was super fluffy and indeed, shorter. His freckles weren’t that notorious in the picture, so Hyunjin figured out that Felix was wearing makeup. He didn’t like when the makeup artists tried to hide Felix’s precious freckles. Eyeliner looked so good on him, though…

And his clothes were pretty cool. Felix was always cool and cute; he looked absolutely adorable whenever he used those oversized knitted sweaters, though in this photo he was dressed in dark, shiny clothing. He kind of looked like he had been on a photoshoot, or maybe filming a music video (the older male hoped so). Was he? It was extremely convenient that they had just announced a comeback and Felix had uploaded a selfie of him all dolled up.

Hyunjin let himself lay down on the grass, not bothering to turn off the music coming through the connected Alexa device. He had been practicing in his backyard, near the large pool and below the ceiling that protected a medium-sized zone from the sun so he didn't have to worry about hurting his eyes with how bright the sun was shining. He still had to check the TikTok he just filmed and upload it, but this was more important. Was that selfie taken just right now? Hyunjin kept examining it, wanting to memorize every pixel on the screen, longing to run his long fingers through Felix’s fluffy hair.

Without realizing, he started daydreaming as he continued staring at the selfie.

Felix looked stunning, as always.

They were cuddling in one of the comfiest sofàs in Hyunjin’s house, Felix sitting on his lap, being face-to-face with one another. Felix would be hugging him, arms circling the older male’s neck.

Hyunjin could picture perfectly how the man’s cute cheeks would blush as Hyunjin caressed them softly; long fingers traveling from the Australian's forehead to his clavicles, the pads of Hyunjin’s fingers lovingly tracing with extreme carefulness Felix’s skin.

Those beautiful freckles would look so lovely, standing out as they rested on pink skin.

Felix would smile so sweetly, dark eyes gazing timidly at Hyunjin’s own attentive and feline-like eyes. His pink lips would glisten with saliva; he’d been licking them, it was a habit when he was nervous. His perfect button nose would scrunch lightly as Hyunjin pinched Felix's bottom lip.

“Hyunjin…” The younger male would close his eyes in delight in response to all that attention, smiling cutely, feeling a bit shy. Nobody would l̴͔̬̗̯̰̊̅͠ơ̸̤̐̈v̷̢̰̹̦̣͋͗e̷̙̹̯͕̽̀͜ h̸̫̪̜̃̂̿į̴̘̱̫̿m̵̢͈͖͐ as much as Hwang Hyunjin did. “You’re staring…” Felix giggled. Then, his voice dropped a couple tones. “Am I that handsome, Hyunjin? Mm?” with his small hands, he conducted Hyunjin’s filthy, possessive, undeserving, selfish hands towards his hair. Immediately, he motioned with a small movement of his head that it was alright for Hyunjin to pet his hair, he was looking at the older male attentively. Felix was the embodiment of cuteness. “You wanted to touch it, didn’t you?”

He froze for a couple minutes at this sight until Felix started looking away, shyly. How could the Australian do this to him? looking awfully beautiful, then expect him to react and answer him right away? he was only human.

Hyunjin’s heart skipped a few beats, his breathing quickened as he registered what his boyfriend had said — Lee Felix was looking at him?!?! and asking him to, to pet his hair?!?!

Expectant eyes came back and stared deeply into his own feline eyes, that beautiful smile still intact, blush prominent on his cheeks.

He couldn’t answer, his throat was closed and refused to listen to him. Was he allowed to… to touch this angel?

Oh, Hyunjin wanted to pinch those cheeks, that cute nose. He wanted to smile back, to caress Felix’s soft skin. To tell him he loved him. He wanted to touch his hair, he wanted to kiss those lips, he wanted to lick those perfect teeth, bite his nose, kiss every centimeter of his skin, get lost inhaling Felix’s shampoo, lick every strand of his hair, he wanted to wrap himself in Felix’s perfect existence, he w̵̖̙̿͑̓a̴̢̪̽̀n̵̜̭̒t̴̗̉e̷̪̥͎̞͋̉̽͠d̶͇͎̤͛̐̄͠

Hyunjin’s thoughts were interrupted by another Bubble message, but this time it wasn’t from the younger male. With a whine, he closed his eyes forcibly, frowning and he growled. For once he wanted Felix to be more like Bangchan, to fill his phone with tons of notifications, to roleplay with him (well, them. The Stays. Hyunjin wasn’t delusional to actually think that Felix sent those Bubble messages specifically to him… though he wished they were.)

Hyunjin licked his lips and opened his eyes, calmly looking at the sky. Well, nothing to do about it, and now that he had finished the “Domino” choreography he could focus on his assignment that was due for tomorrow… after he uploaded the video of the dance, and maybe another one of him venting about how lovely Felix looked in today’s selfie and the comeback announcement. He didn’t care anymore that people saw his face online when he was going into a rant about how much he loved the idol; a lot of people actually agreed with what he said anyway, and commented that Hyunjin was actually kinda cute. It was a miracle that his friends still hadn’t found out about his TikTok account with how active he was there.

Still, it didn’t matter. Hyunjin wasn’t ashamed of loving Lee Felix with all his heart.

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trenchcoatraccoons · 1 year

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hi everyone!

i'm luna vivian (also known as 4 raccoons under a trenchcoat (with me being one of them (yea uh, i'm therian))), your local polyam gay ace non-binary transfem genderfluid mess. :3 - and uh, i kinda needed to make a new tumblr because my old account was behaving strange. (it no longer does but it's still a bummer that that happened in the first place :/ - anyways, this account is my new home now ig :3)

I have "borrowed" the idea (for the blog/account name) from one of my (german-speaking) friends, and uh, if you translate it roughly, it means "vivi, wake up now!!" (cuz oh god i'm so eepy)

anyways, you might already know me from fedi or birbsite and uh

yea

feel free to follow me for weird stuff! :3

also, feel free to send asks or posts!! c:

(i'm terrible at introducing myself, can you tell? lol)

hey, psst, click "keep reading" for some links! c:

my webbed site (I'm somewhat proud of it :3)

my last.fm

my soundcloud (even tho I don't make funny noises that could pass as music (yet))

my paypal (see this as a tip jar c:)

#intro post #introduction #introducing myself

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queersadguy · 3 years

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Fucked up sexuality?

TRIGGER WARNING:

judgemental, homophobbic, aphobic, or easily offended people DO NOT READ THIS BLOG its essentally like a coming out story, im keeping my full identity anonymous.

For starters "Queer" does not necessarily mean gay, but an umbrella term to describe anyrhing other than straight. The original definition of queer (in british terms) means odd, strange or different.

INITALLY POSTED IN LATE 2020/EARLY 2021

Edited/UPDATED MAY 17 2022 as things are changing

_______________

The back Story

In High school I knew I was different then every one else, everyone started dating and I wasnt but wasnt really interested, I figured something was up, then later learned about asexuality and aromaticm, I knew what asexual was before I heard the term.

As many may relate in HS your body has also changed or in that prosses so (if your a guy) you may experience hard ons, it was more random at the time but by about junior year I found myself being more attracted to guys than girls, skinnier guys, my arousal also seemed to settle and have a trigger, (Still no interest in dating), but this trigger wasnt like everyone elses, But instead on some (but few) guys, partically ones with a skinny or average proportion, little or no body/leg hair, and looks. Gays know what this is its what would be called "twink"(I wouldnt learn this word till 8 years later). But it wasnt really that much of an issue at the time.

As time progressed it slowly became worse and easier triggerd, it can become a problem if it isnt wanted, and its not sexual related but triggerd by presence and observing, but again not something I thought about to much.

_________

Fast fowerd to june 2020

So as stated before

Had this "Twink problem" since at least High School, but at the time I paid little or no mind to it, "shrugged it off" , didnt think much about it, told myself nah cant be . It wasnt untill recently in 2020 that the fact couldnt be denyed any longer, especally during "horny season"

(Where I was staying there were dogs and alot if cats, first the dogs went into heat, then the cats, & my roomates (possibly)then I was feeling horny) where I seemed to be very easily aroused, way more than what it was before. It became rock hard just buy seeing pictures of lesser dressed "twinks" on ifunny & IG. I felt "thirsty" for more during this brief time & started Dabbling a little with porn too. This is where I learned what onlyfans was and that there was a word for "it"'. ^

Luckaly (maybe due to self consiousnes, autism, or lack of experience/exposure), and thinking that our society is too "sexualized" and to much importance is placed on it. This keeps me in the Asexual catagory, but with backwards working libido. Arousal alone does not neccessarily determine orientaion.I dont exactly know what sexual attraction is or feels like and not sure if thats what im experiencing (or not) Im also pretty sure im aromantic. (I dont fell like im missing much without a relationship), keep in mind in still technically a virgin

Click this link to learn what asexuality is :

https://www.whatisasexuality.com/intro/

When Arousal happens (if its wanted) its a drive not directed anywhere in particular & there is little or no desire for any traditional "partnerd sex". I dont really "fantasise" in the normal mannor in masterbation (Dissacoication of myself and images) In fact im slightly repulsed by some sex (especslly the idea of oral or on recieving end of gay sex, "bottoming"). Arousal dips dramatically when its full nude.

Even if I do get aroused, or want to be, I dont always act on such feeling or urges

It primarily is trigged by lesser dressed (but not nude) twinks. Underwear models and posing trap posts, would be a non kinky example. (This is basically porn for me) see some of my liked photos. I dont know why but I find twinks or twink like bodies Athsedicly appealing, and at times arousing as well. I dont seem to be attracted to other body types of dudes though, in fact quite the opposite. It just seems that I have a thing for twinks partically ages 19,early-mid 20s.

I do however sometimes question (or think) about sex "topping". But vary rarely, and not in line or same time as arousal. Though I think no right after. Im indifferent to traditional sex.

I feel like its slowly progessing and developing as im less cringy on this stuff than I used to be, like porn, or fetishes for example, and I seem to be at least pondering the idea of sex more oftenly, especally after the late "discovery".

Arousal and sexual attraction although commonly confused or thought of as the same are two different things. Although they can be corelared, one can exist without the other . See this link:

https://asexualitytrust.org.nz/what-is-asexuality/attraction-vs-arousal/

______________________

About the word twink:

Twink is an all out gay slang word and many gays are into this type of thing.

Twink definition:

A slang term (typically used by gays, but no other word for this exists) to decribe how someone can look in this case its

Generally attractive young men typically ages 18 thru the 20s with youthful apperence. Slightly slim to average build/proportion with little or no body hair, little noticable mucle tone, (although some may have abs) and commonly white.

Twinks can be dark haired or blonde. Twinks may or may not be gay (this is a descriptive term for apperance). As much as 15% of the young male population can be considered this.

This is a base definition although everyones definition varies slightly.

Also its been made provocative and sexualized, Mainly by the porn industry. Im NOT referring to the word twink in a sexual context (per say)

_______________________

The confusion

Where did this "backward libido" come from and how and why? What caused this? I didnt wake up one day and say "i think ill like dudes" It isnt a choice it just is. Theres no gene in the family either.

Despite these id rather see a naked chick (I dont mind seeing tits or buttux if there nice) than any naked guy (even twinks), and im still slightly homophobic. (Male genitals are cringy, and im not ok with these feelings I do have, but I do support the LGBTQA+ comunity that I guess im sorta in now) There isnt or very little arousal in this case though. Either way I do NOT do genetalia, but female nude is less repulsive.

I also had a straight "child" crush on this girl I knew at the time Katrena.I was like 5 or 6

___________________

More explaing (dont worry the worst is over,)

I may not (or think I dont) experience sexual or romantic attraction, but I do experience other forms of attraction

When someone says Attraction, it just means to draw your attention, not neccearily sexual.

I mainly experience:

Athsedic attraction- based on how someone looks, I experience this alot, multiple times a week

Platonic Attraction-when looking for more of a friendship not a relationship with someone

Oftenly (but not always) these 2 overlap

I also seem to easily develop what are known as "Sqishes" or basically platinic crushes, put simply a squish is like a crush but its not romantic or sexual but insted you really want to get to know someone more or be their friend. (See more recent post on the topic)

I had at least 4 active squishes at the original time of this post.

im kind lonely tbh :/

Ive for a while have liked the idea of "bromance" even before the discovvery

_____________

A question:

If I am aestheticly attracted to someone, (to the point of it being hard not to look, and I get aroused, is this sexual attraction? Even though im not thinking about sex with them at the time, plz comment ur input for this question, plz no hate or being rude.

______________________

Speculation on possible causes:

Early childhood shows I watched (explain in another blog)

Being Autism spectrum - studies found on numorios sorces that people with ASD, particularly high functioning are more likely to be LGBT

2-3x for homo or bisexuality,

And as much as 6x more likely to be ace

Raised and been around alot of women (early development to age 10.)

Aquired "fetish" of sort as a child progressed into sexual arousal. Certain behaviors and poses based on dressing.

Social(not sextual) context more guys friends/social than girls (again as a prepubescent)

The taking of risperidol (contains estrogen) as a teen

Possible slight hormone imbalence, misshaped/misfiring part of brain, as autism affects parts of the brain, especially on the socializeing part of it.

___________

Conclusion (for now)

To sum it up im basically a

Homo-oriented AroAce

(But still somewhat questioning)

(Mild or borderline homo in terms of mental condition/disorder)

Keep in mind that full Nudity (genetala) turns me off/heavely reduces arousal, and I dont particularly need sex (Though I'm becoming curious on and off in the late)

Though as of recently (about 12-18 months after I first posted this thread) I can say that im kinda an ass guy. (Twink and chick ass).

If someone has any input or thoughts on this

Particularly gays or aces, please let me know as my sexuality is complicated, even for me to understand. Maybe some insight or shed some light? Im not out to really any one I know in person because of :

- hard to explain (obviously)

- not "the norm"

- mixed notions of homophobia/queerphobia

Big Social Stigma, judgemental assholes

Maybe I can understand what I am better so I can come out at least to some people.

What was it like to first " come in" to your sexuality?

Plz be positive considerate or constructive though, as im not fond of these feelings its just how it is in a way I can explain it.

LGBTQ community

Asexual pride community

#coming out #aspec #visibility #rant #gay #LGBTQA+#Queer

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cinanamon · 4 years

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question tag game !

tagged by @eajpark (ty!)

tagging @markswoman, @minsprings, @jaesmintea, @4-sun, @henderbeans, @xiaocity, @jaemericano, & @coshuangmos

rules answer the ten questions, write your own, and tag ten people

1. if you had a podcast, what would it be about?

Omg! Probably a little bit of everything but I think talking about writing, home/self-care, history/traveling? I think it’d be a lot of fun to gush about some of those interests :)

2. how would you act during an apocolypse? You can pick what kind of apocalypse it is.

mmm let’s say for a zombie apocalypse bc I think about it too often SO! I think I’d be pretty resourceful at the start by picking up supplies/being strategic and safe, but I think once it gets worse I’d struggle to get more bc idk if I’d be brave enough or even have weapons to fight off zombies. If I were in a group, after a bit I think I’d come to be like a second in command, but I would hopefully get better at fighting!

3. your dream shoes?

white chuncky sneakers :( idc the brand

4. if you were in a band, what would be your role? your current skills don’t matter.

singer w/ guitar but not like main guitar? I can sing anyways but I’ve always wanted to learn guitar and be in a garage band :(

5. would you rather be in a mediocre relationship which lasts 10 months or an amazing relationship that lasts 10 weeks?

amazing relationship for 10 weeks! Tbh I have a fear of intimacy and don’t necessarily want to be in a relationship if I’m not feeling it anyways, so I don’t think I would sit in a meh relationship for 10 months LOL. Plus we writers love to be in pain once the good times are over :,)

6. what is the best primary color in your opinion?

I want to say yellow so badly but tbh red. Red can make anything either cooler or brighter depending so you can’t go wrong with it + it’s the most eye-catching!

7. imagine you are a celebrity: what made you famous?

Hopefully singing 🤩 maybe being on The Voice?? Idk man

8. what is your favorite soulmate link? (ex. communicating through dreams, matching birthmarks, etc.)

I’m always a sucker for the first words they say to you being on your body somewhere, like I can’t get enough of it

9. what’s your favorite late time snack?

I always seem to heat up Teriyaki noodles at 11pm so?? That ig

10. if you could direct a movie, what would it be about?

mmm well, I think it would be cool to do a witch coven movie but ngl I’ve imagine this one idea of this girl realizing she’s gay in college bc one of her roommates is so cool/strong/spontanous but they might not even get together, just bond?? Idk I think that would be fun to direct!

my questions

1. if you had a partner, where would be your fav place to kiss them?

2. do you collect anything? If so, what? What would you want to collect if not?

3. What flowers would you want on your grave?

4. Would you ever get matching tattoos with someone you just met and clicked with but would probably never see again?

5. Envision your dream future home: what does it look like? What are it’s most important features to you?

6. What drink do you always end up reaching for even though you know you should probably be drinking water?

7. what’s your favorite baked good?

8. What cliche or trope do you secretly wish you would experience?

9. If you were one of the fae (fairy), what would be your favorite past-time?

10. Who would you invite to your wedding?

#this was so fun!! tysm #tag game

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kello-unknown · 4 years

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NEVER THOUGHT IT’D BE HER

Summary: Max lives an… entertaining life. She just got out of a relationship she thought would last forever. Meeting one person leads to more people in her life, and before she knows it, she’s falling in love with someone she never expected to fall in love with.

Words: 1,487

Warnings: little bit of angst

Author’s Note: its getting good hehe… reminder that i link the previous chapters directly below the author’s notes, so if you’re behind you can just click the link thru here :D

CHAPTER 1, CHAPTER 2, CHAPTER 3, CHAPTER 4

~~~

CHAPTER 5

WAKING up, Alex felt different. Like something major in her life had changed. She sat up after rubbing her eyes and realized where she was. So… it did happen. Everything with Devin…. She started to tear up, but then she remembered that she was in bed with Max. She turned her body around to go face her friend but was greeted by more pillows. She huffed, disappointed that she was alone, but upon further looking, she noticed a piece of paper on Max’s nightstand. A note.

“Morning. I had to run to work to finish some stuff (that apparently couldn’t wait -_-), and I didn’t wanna wake you up since you had a rough night. There’s a whole bunch of food in the cabinets in the kitchen. If you can’t find anything you want, text me and I can order something for you if you want. I shouldn’t be home too-too late, but I’ll def text you when I’m on my way back. Treat yourself to whatever you want, be it food or tv. You’re an adult so I can’t stop you, hehe. Text me when you get up if you want (just so I know you’re alive). I’ll see you later :D ~Max”

Alex couldn’t help but smile while reading the entire note that was written to her. Since she had nothing planned for the day, she decided to sleep in a bit more to help recuperate from the previous night’s anguish. Putting the note back where she found it, Alex rested her head on the pillow once again for about three more hours.

Settling in at her desk, Max checked her phone for what felt like the millionth time within the past hour. She felt bad that she had to leave Alex alone in her home after what happened last night, but her boss practically threatened her to get her ass to work “or else.” That bitch.

After deciding putting the phone down would probably do her some good, Max finally got to do what she came into work to do in the first place.

Around 11:45 a.m., she got a text. No one usually texts her when she’s at work, so she flipped her phone right side up to check who it was. It was Alex. Max smiled, reading the text: “finally got out of bed. Not sure how you managed to get up so quickly without waking me. I felt like I woke the whole neighborhood just sitting up it’s so comfy. Don’t rush your work, it’s more important, lol. To quote someone who wrote me a note this morning, ‘I’ll see you later :D’”

Max chuckled at the last part of the text. What a wiseass, she thought. “Good to know you’re finally alive and moving, lol :P. I bought it for its comfort ig. I’ll text you when I get in my car later, it’s about a 10 min drive home jsyk. To quote someone who quoted my note, ‘I’LL SEE YOU LATER :D’” After she sent the message, she put her phone away and got to work. The faster I finish, the faster I can go home and be with her.

Feet perched up on the coffee table, Alex continued to scroll through the channels that Max had available on her tv. Finally finding the HGTV channel, she laid even further back into the couch.

Ten minutes had passed, and she remembered that she still had a box from when she went to Natalie’s house. Nat had said that it was stuff that Max had apparently put in the boxes on accident and Nat didn’t want to “have them anymore.”

Grabbing her keys and walking towards the door, she decided to go bring the box inside, thinking that she would forget about it by the time Max gets home, whenever that would be.

Plopping the box down onto the bed, Alex sat down right next to it. She contemplated whether to open it and take everything out since Nat had said it was mostly clothes. The least Alex could do is try to make the clothes as less-wrinkly as possible, seeing as the box did sit in her car for about a week and a half.

She laughed to herself as she pulled out only six flannels from the box. Sighing as she laid them out, she accidentally knocked the box over trying to flatten some of the flannels out. As she walked over to the box, she noticed something had fell out of it. Crouching down to get a better view of what it was, she picked up an extremely tiny box. She opened it and gasped immediately.

It was a ring.

Questions raced around Alex’s mind. One of them was planning on proposing to the other? Or did one of them propose, the other said no, and that’s why they broke up? Then it occurred to Alex that she didn’t even know why Max and Natalie broke up in the first place. All she knew was that Nat had managed to find someone, that someone being Chris, rather quickly after the breakup. She found that strange in itself seeing as the relationship she just got out of lasted three years and she moved on to an entirely new one.

Maybe she’d ask Max what exactly went down when she got home from work. Well, how would she bring that up into a conversation? Hey so I was taking your clothes out of a box that your ex said wasn’t hers and I stumbled upon what looks like an engagement ring and I realized that I don’t know why you and my sister broke up so…?

Maybe not that. She put the ring back in the box and the flannels on top of it. Maybe if Max saw the ring for herself, the break-up story would emerge, and Alex would finally understand. She went back to the couch to lie down. She might just need energy for later if she were to take everything in. That is, if Max were to tell her what went down that night.

Around four hours later, she received a text from Max saying she was on her way home. Alex panicked. She felt the need to go look in the mirror and see if she looked appropriate.

Appropriate? She’s been home all day. If anything, her looking like a slob would look appropriate. She decided to fix her hair into a cute braid and tie up the shirt with one of the rubber bands around her wrist. By the time she had sat back down on the couch after making herself look “better,” Max had gotten home.

Max walked through the front door with bags in her hand, and Alex shot up to go and help her. She grabbed the bags from Max and went to place them on the counter, realizing it was some kind of Italian food based on the smell that was emitted from the bags. She turned around to face Max.

“I was hungry on my way home and was in the mood. Don’t judge me.” Alex raised her hands, saying she would never, and they both laughed. Max, after placing down her other belongings, walked over to the counter and took out the excess food. “I might have gone a little overboard now that I’m looking at it all.” Alex just nods.

The two sit down at Max’s table and eat, surprisingly, a majority of the food while they talk about their day. When they had finished what they decided was the end of dinner, Alex remembered about the box. “Oh! I forgot to tell you something somehow over the course of the past two weeks,” she laughs at herself. “When I went to Nat’s house to drop her stuff off, she went through the boxes to see if she got everything and noticed that you, probably, accidentally put some of your stuff in the boxes. So, she filled up a box and gave it back to me to give back to you. I remembered I had it earlier today, so I just put it on your bed,” she said, while gesturing towards the bedroom. Max nodded and, after throwing all the dirty plates away, went to her room to investigate.

Alex stayed in the living room, but she could hear Max saying things like, “So that’s where this flannel went!” and she couldn’t help but giggle softly to herself. She opted to get up and go watch Max find her lost pieces of clothing.

When she walked into the bedroom, she found Max standing still, holding something small in her hand. That’s when Alex remembered the ring. She asked Max if she was okay, but Max stayed silent. Alex walked over to her and put her hand on her shoulder. Max sighed heavily.

Max explained what it was and why Natalie had it in the first place.

tags: @maggie-elise13, @elizabethfictionwriting, @lesbian-deadpool, @solaettristis, @the-very-tired-gay, @timelords-13, @tangled-up-in-bad-decisions, @natashaswhitesuit, @its-a-me-mario-hihi, @marvelfansince08love

#never thought itd be her #ntibh #short story #story #mine #kello-unknown

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migleefulmoments · 4 years

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"Hahaha. A friend pointed this out. W online shops too!" What does this even mean?! I don't know anyone in 2020 who doesn't online shop besides my 80 year old grandparents because they refuse to learn how to use a computer 😂 I don't get how Will, a 30 something year old man, online shopping is worthy enough for Abby to comment on it. I'm sure Chris does it too. And Darren.

On Nov 5, Darren wrote this post and the cc fandom lost their shit.

They decided that organizing 10 costumes for multiple events in two different states for two different people was not worthy of acknowledgment- especially since they wore several purchased costumes. They spent the next 30-ish days mocking her “online shopping skills” like the petty idiots they are and now they bring it up two months later.

Anonymous asked: this is funny, C posted a photo of beard, D posted photos with the beard. Almost like they were sitting next to each other and saying “ok ok I will say this”

ajw720 answered: The only difference, C controls his SM and the bearding, D does not, but they knew the Halloween post was coming when C posted his belated b-day wishes (not that he acknowledged they were late).

It really is, if you can remove the very human, tragic element, like a script for a really bad D Movie. C posts “Happy Birthday, Babe!” a day after the man’s actual b-day and “D” praises his fake bride for MAKING TEN costumes. Sure praise her if she actually designed them and sat with her sewing machine. No, she went online and ordered things (I doubt she even went to a store). And 3 couple costumes were cheap frankly. The only thought was how narcissistic she could be in their execution (as @flowersintheattic254pointed out even the Mario costume had a reason, it was a reminder of Japan and the fake encagement by referring to the ad that paid for their trip there).

And seriously how are people not questioning that she spent the entirety of her month picking TEN costumes? Who has time for this? I know, i know, a person whose only role in life is to play fake plus one.

I am just so tired by D in particular being utterly dragged down by the useless dead weight by his side and his team’s sole ambition to promote her and make her sound like a decent person.

If they wanted to praise her, maybe they should have forced her to participate in the zero waste initiative instead of sitting drinking by the pool or have her volunteer to help young girls who have been kicked out of their homes, or have been raped. Or pick any cause and truly volunteer her time to promote it. If she is not going to actually get a job and pursue a career, please force her to do something that is actually of value and contribute something good to the world. But to praise her for picking TEN costumes?

Praise that comes from a man who this year alone won three awards, is starring in a show he created and wrote the music for, has his first big movie premiere this week, is exec producer and star of a huge show on N/etflix, just announced his starring role with 2 A++ lists actors next spring on Broadway, celebrated the 5th anniversary of the festival he created, volunteered his time for the zero waste initiative, performed at several charity events, and was just yesterday name limited series actor of the decade. Where is the praise for him from his “bride”? He at least deserves it.

How do they not see how ridiculous it is for someone with D’s accomplishments in 2019 alone praise a person for purchasing TEN costumes for Halloween? And stans, how do you accept that this is right or normal. You really know nothing about him and have such little respect for him as a person if you continue to accept the character his idiotic team has created on his behalf. It is so far from the person he is and that he generally holds himself out to be when given the opportunity.

This isn’t about being a “gay fetishist” or “hating woman” this is about wanting for D to be fairly and accurately represented and no longer forced to participate in this stupid, life sucking game to promote a person that contributes absolutely nothing to the world. If you want to have a strong female role model, there are so many, i’ve talked about a few in the past few days (thus far Nancy, Lea, and Phoebe) and will continue to do so, but please stop worshiping a person whose sole reason you are speaking about her is her connection to D, even if you refuse to accept it is fake.

klainecentric Finished reading the funniest ig story of the day, the qween being praised for sitting in front of either a sewing machine or computer...bravo your majesty qween....your my hero well done.👏👏. And all I can think of is how irrelevant the statement D made about being an emotional horder, being a very private person and finally D saying he's lazy when it comes to social media, I'm internally screaming in frustration because yeah we know D wouldn't have written a post praising that lazy good for nothing waste of space but he's coming across as a lier and it's extremely damaging to his character as a person. I absolutely hate lying and every time another "private" moment is posted to the world is another small piece that's chipped away from what D has originally stated about privacy. PBB, nobody cares about your cheap arse highly flammable costumes you buy online, did you forget about your piano baby adult strip club. I'm sure there are still plenty of people out there you can hire to rub and flaunt their flanges all over the beer taps, why don't you keep busy on that instead. If you want to make costumes, I'm sure you can sew some mighty fine titty tassels together. It'll be cheap nasty, sound familiar.

souly So, let me get this straight. We should all praise a person for going online, looking up different costumes in online stores, putting those in their shopping basket and hitting “buy”? Because I do that at least once a week with other stuff. Do I get praised for that now? Pretty please? I’m doing good work there and buy a lot of stuff, therefore I must be the best person ever!

notes-from-nowhere You’re my Queen. Please, love me.

souly

(I think I got it right. I’m getting the hang of what said person is doing. Wheee! ;))

notes-from-nowhere You nailed it 🤣

ajw720 Yesterday I got a delivery of car food. And instead of his usual seafood mix up greats, I got him shrimp flavor. I’m awesome!!!!!

souly Oh, hey! I think we should all take pictures of whatever we bought online during the week or month and make individual posts on all of our social media accounts about it. Because, you know…

cassie1022 I picked up stuff I ordered online at Target and PetSmart. Does that count? Should I receive accolades because my cat will have fresh litter to do her business on?

souly Only if you post the pictures to prove it! ;)

ajw720 As soon as I get home. Pictures forthcoming. Shrimp cat treats and I also got a burgundy blanket for my new comforter!!! Life goals!!!!!!!!!!!

souly Okay, so, let’s see… What did I buy online during the past month that can be shared as pictures? Some things are gifts, so I obviously can’t post anything about those yet. But I think these here are safe.

Let’s start with one of my fav new shirts. (Excuse the grainy quality. I had to quickly edit it for privacy reasons. :p And yes, that’s a butterfly mirror.)

The rest are behind the cut to save your dash from drowning in too many pictures. ;)

cheekyface72 You’re my queen from now on…

ajw720 I think emmy/sag/gg/CC winner DC should write a post @soulypraising your awesome, amazing, unparalleled online shopping skills! You earned that praise. That cat toy is particularly spectacular.

*********************

Just A Taste of M’s Amazing Online Shopping Skills that are worthy of such Praise

ajw720

Super Mario with inflatable Dragon $54.66 (x)

Princess Peach $78.99 (x)

chrisdarebashfulsmiles. i can’t

flowersintheattic254. When you add the fact that the wedding was sponsored so heavily, and her history of outfits I think it shows Mi@rren is something that’s always been done very much ‘on the cheap’.

From work vacays (honeymoon included), RC ‘glue gun’ looks, thrift shoes and subsidized weddings.

It’s BUDGET BEARDING!!!

leka-1998. It’s not worth more than this, that’s for sure.

notes-from-nowhere We are so ungrateful. She worked hard to find the gloves.

I bet she had to click on another link to find them. She deserves another accolade.

ajw720 @flowersintheattic254 Budget Bearding! I LOVE It! (and something tells me D’s SW costume in particular was far cheaper than either of these).

souly That Snow White dress can be found for about $25 in a ton of online shops. I stumbled upon it even before Halloween way too many times. 😂

@notes-from-nowhere The plush question mark block can be found in a couple online stores like this one. She simply glued it onto some gloves - or asked L to do it with that glue gun of hers.

flowersintheattic254 Well funnily enough I think we may have confirmation that 🚽🚽 glued on the puppies so I guess YES to the question mark block too!!!

cassie1022 They can’t even glue things properly. Why am I not surprised?

leka-1998

So, so amazing. Bow to the kween and her not so helpful helper.

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There are lots more...I figured enough of your brain cells died reading the ones I posted. On Nov 30 she is STiLL bringing it up”

Anonymous asked:

Whenever I see miarren gifset they always use the same quote underneath (the rolling the windows down quote) and at first I rolled my eyes and thought uh not that quote again, and I can't believe it took me this long to realise it's because there is literally no other quote that can be construed as loving. You can hardly put down "she's a big girl" whenever you make a set of gifs with M beaming and D looking like someone murdered the dog he's allergic to.

ajw720: And I love the Emmy quote as it was an absolute reference to his character who was a psychopath. Pretty telling if you ask me. But that reference is over their heads.

And pretty much the only one. Guess saying he’s a ball and chain kind of guy isn’t romantic. They can’t even take pooping exes as he clearly steered the conversation away from her. Lovely lady of many moons? Nah she sounds like a stranger. Saying nothing changes after marriage? Sounds boring. It’s a struggle. But hey she’s an excellent online shopper that he done got hitched to!!!

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okayhadley-blog · 5 years

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hadley ruiz, froy gutierrez, seventeen, cismale, he/him, zeus (mark, 22, he/him, est)

this is gonna be bad........ my brain shut off approximately 2 hrs ago but i wanna get this intro up!!

okay so his app is here / pinterest board here / about page here.

i label him as a functional gay only because he’s constantly bouncing between distinguished gay and disaster gay

i would probably put him as a neutral good because while he is a Chaotic™ person, morally he does believe in right and wrong and is constantly Doing His Best, it’s just not always by..... following the rules....

hella abandonment issues, completely undeserved inferiority complex

between his mortal parents and zeus, zeus is the least shitty so like...... let’s talk about that for a second

that being said, hadley spent the first three years at camp in the hermes cabin bc zeus didn’t claim him until he had to, after the second titan war (thanks percy!) so..... rlly just not good with Any of his parents

hadley only knew luke for a few months but he rlly looked up to him and was devastated when he betrayed the greeks

major spoilers for trials of apollo: the burning maze if u click this link !! if you don’t want spoiled: a camper he was really close with died and it hit him hard but he’s not good at talking about that kind of stuff

anyway personality stuff ig

he’s a big people person and loves to surround himself with friends because he hates being alone and really just doesn’t do well in solitude!!

he’s emotional and tries his best to like.... curb that but his heart is on his sleeve :/ what can u do?

he’s very honest, sometimes to the point of being blunt. a lazy perfectionist. a tense person but he is, shockingly, capable of letting loose.

he’s really just...... hadley really is just trying his best to Be A Pal to everyone around camp because if he focuses on everyone else then he doesn’t have time to deal with his own problems!!! which is a mood, buddy

his weapon of choice is a fuckin sword and he’s gr8 at it

hadley has been a year round camper since he got here at age 11, so he’s been living at chb full time for six years

he’s a big history buff, especially when it comes to demigod history and where demigod history intersects/influences supposed mortal history

oh my god i’m so wiped this is garbage i’m really sorry!!! y’all deserve a better intro

some character parallels i wrote that i have no idea are still valid: liam dunbar, harvey kinkle, barry allen, wade watts, joe mcalister, nicky hemmick

also i’m trash with plots and connections but i’m always DTB (down to brainstorm) and if you see hadley fitting any of your wanted plots/etc., please hit me up!!!!

#fleece.intros #♜ the sun inside of him could set the kingdom ablaze * / ( character. )#oof this is bad and took me way too long

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5hfanfiction · 7 years

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The Confessional Booth (LAUCY)

TRIGGER WARNING: Homophobia, talk of religion, conversion, etc.

“Listen.” I was in the back pew and he was still making my eardrums ring with his loud voice. “God loves all. But homosexuality. That is a sin. The Bible clearly states that it is wrong for a man to lay down with another. This applies to women as well. It is morally indecent. These people should be shamed,” he continued. I was so disgusted. How could my own father say this about regular people; people just like him? People more like me. He didn’t know and I’d never tell him.

He’d told me about the ‘recreational’ centers he sent teenagers to who were ‘afflicted’ with ‘the disease.’ I’d been to those places with my Dad. They were awful. The teenagers there looked so hopeless. I knew they were hopeless. The only reason why I ever volunteered to help out at the center was to run the confessional booth. Girls and boys would come in crying, begging God for mercy, asking me if He loved them. I would always reassure them that their feelings were no sin, and that God loved all.

Do I believe in God? No. But these kids do, and it wrecks their faith to hear my father’s seminars of hatred. So, every weekend I try to piece their self-esteem back together, one confession at a time. I was 17, almost 18. It was agreed in my household that if we wanted to do anything my parents disapproved of, we had to wait until we were 18 and out of the house. But Mike and Clara always reminded us, “We may not be watching when you’re older, but God always sees.”

That gave me the creeps. I couldn’t wait to move out and be with a girl, finally. I hadn’t repressed my feelings since I was 14, but I’d yet to have a girlfriend. It was impossible under the close watch of my parents. But that would all change in June. I just didn’t know it yet…

CHAPTER ONE

A fist pounded loud on my door, waking me up out of my sleep. “Lauren! It’s 6:00! God calls you to wake up and start your day, serving his world as you are His child.” I groaned in contempt and rolled over, stuffing a pillow over both my ears. I heard my father’s footsteps travel down the hall and give the same wake up call to Taylor and Chris, my brother and sister. Taylor followed in his path, lapping up the Jesus regimen, whereas Chris and I saw it was all bullshit. I was thankful for Chris. He was older, and he was often in charge of me when we were home alone, so him and I would leave the house separately and go do what we wanted before our parents got home.

Usually, I would just go and see an R-rated movie, since I wasn’t of age to go do anything else, and in my small church town, I didn’t know anyone who would get me in anywhere. Today was going to be boring. It was a Sunday, and those were the worst days to be a preacher’s daughter because I had to spend most of the day at my least favorite place: church. I had an hour to myself to get ready. First, clothes. I pushed it to the limit in terms of what I dressed. That was my only rebellion besides the secret of my sexuality, and I liked turning heads. Especially when I knew the choir leader Lucy was gay as well. She was stunning, and I wanted her attention. Maybe the right outfit would do the trick?

I smoothed out a black dress that had such a short v-line it almost didn’t exist. I knew how to cut and sew, I was a crafter by heart. So, I took out my tools and got to work, cutting the line down by two inches. That exposed enough cleavage to make me feel hot, but not enough for my parents to notice that I had altered the dress. I put the tools away and put on the dress first, the red thong second, and the black pantyhose third. Next and last for my outfit was my cross.

I sighed as I picked up the symbol of Christianity and rolled my thumb around its silver edges, the chain dangling below. I missed being faithful. It felt nice to believe in a higher power. It felt safe. But my bigoted father ruined religion for me. I couldn’t see a day where I could ever believe again. Maybe someday…

I hooked the necklace together onto my front and slipped on heels. They had to be kitten heels, no stilettos. I could hear my mother’s voice in my head. She loved me and she was more lenient than my dad, but when it came down to it, she’d stand by his word regardless of whether she agreed. She was just as trapped as I was.

After washing my face and applying a heavy layer of makeup that I deemed read sexy but not too sexy for church, I walked downstairs and made a bowl of Cheerios. I wanted my favorite, Lucky Charms, but that would imply I believed in luck and magic, and to quote my father, “There is no luck, there is only God’s will. And there are no magical creatures other than God.” I poured the milk into the bowl after the cheerios and prepared the table for my family. They all took longer to get ready than I did, which I was thankful for because it allowed me some alone time.

I softly and slowly ate my food while I checked my phone. 2 messages. One from my best friend Dinah that read “Hey there girl! I know you’re probably asleep but your boo thang Lucy made an IG page!! Check it out.” and attached the link. My heart stopped. What if she posted selfies? That would just make my morning. I clicked the link and it directed me to Instagram, opening her page, ‘lucylovevives.’ What a cute name. A little childish, but cute. 2 posts already! I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and clicked on the first one. I opened my eyes and smiled. The first post was a picture of Lucy at church with her choir. She was dressed in her blue robe, smiling happily at the camera, music sheets in hand. I loved her smile.

I’d known Lucy since we were children. We hung out all the time. But her family was more liberal, as mine were conservative and when my parents pulled me out of public school and put me into church school, I didn’t really see Lucy except for when we were at church. I didn’t even have her number. She had an angelic voice, though. That was the great thing about church. I loved to hear her sing, especially when there were the holiday choir concerts, when she always had a solo. One Christmas her song brought me to tears after my grandmother passed away.

The next post really struck me. It was a video taken from behind of Lucy singing and playing the piano. Her soft voice started from the first notes of a song I hadn’t heard. An original song. I didn’t know she wrote songs. As she kept singing, I closed my eyes and listened intently. I pictured Lucy in a field, her hand in mine, twirling as rain began to pour. This image solidified in my head and I knew I’d see it again. Probably in my dreams. By the time I opened my eyes and became aware again, the clip was over and I felt the warmth slip from me.

This was the way Lucy made me feel. Footsteps became evident from down the hall and I quickly clicked off my phone and shoved it into my purse hanging on the kitchen chair. I didn’t need any questioning about what I was doing. I acted nonchalant as I ate my cereal and my whole family entered the kitchen. No one said a word. Something was wrong. “Lauren,” my dad started. This wasn’t going to be good. He was using his serious tone.

I looked up at him with questioning eyes. “Clara and I have talked, and we’ve decided to place you in the church choir in addition to your volunteering at the confessional. You’re only there on the weekends, and you have too much free time on your hands. You know what they say about the Devil and idle hands, hmm?” He cocked an eyebrow at me, waiting for me to nod in agreement. I sighed and flicked my spoon to the side of my plate, slouching back into my chair.

“Okay. Would you also like me to stand with my arms out and be the cross on top of the church?” His cheeks grew red as soon as the last syllable escaped my lips. “Now, listen here, Lauren Michelle Jauregui,” he began, pointing a finger at me and taking a deep breath to start his engine and breathe fire. But thankfully my mother stopped him before he could get the chance. “Mike, what I think Lauren is trying to say, albeit rudely, is that we are asking her to be involved too much with the church. She already goes to Bible study, attends regular services, performs in the plays, volunteers at the confessional, and now we are asking her to join the choir, which is a big commitment.”

My father pondered this quietly as everyone quickly sat down, ready for him to turn on them next. If I was no longer up for game, then it’d be them. I felt bad for them, but they’d often turn their backs on me during a showdown with dad. So better them than me. “Hmmm. Okay, fine. You don’t have to join the choir. I understand, they meet a lot for practice and you’re a teenager. But, you will have to help Lucy with writing music. I see you with that mysterious journal of yours all the time. I’ve been disapproving of her songs. Too risqué. We need more Christian music. I know you can help out with that. How does that sound?” I quickly lapped up the bait so we could just get on with the day, though I wanted to be snarky. He knew what he was doing, and I wanted to call him on it. “Thank you. I’ll help Lucy with songwriting, but I’m not performing.

No one has ever heard me sing live and I intend to keep it that way.” He seemed satisfied for now and I knew he’d later bitch about me to mom while they got ready for bed tonight. Not like I cared, though. Breakfast started to cook while I planned my day mentally. First, church. Second, get Lucy’s number. Thankfully I had an excuse now. Maybe this was a good thing. This meant time with Lucy. I knew dad trusted her, so he’d probably let me be alone with her.

Then we could talk. About whatever we wanted. Deep things, things besides Christian music and anything that had to do with religion. And even better, it was his idea, so he’ll be excited if I show any interest in pursuing it. Pursuing her. When everyone was done with breakfast and left me to do the dishes as usual, we were late for church. That never happened, and it sent dad into a rage. He lashed out on everyone the whole way to church. He even got onto mom. Poor woman. She chose to stay married to him, though. I knew ‘we’ didn’t believe in divorce, but I mean, c’mon, it’s the 21st century. I didn’t get to do the dishes. Great. That meant everything would be stuck to the plates and I’d have to scrub hard to get it off when we got back home.

As we entered church, my eyes met Lucy’s as she continued conducting the music while turning around at the sound of the doors opening. I flashed a small smile at her so my dad wouldn’t notice and sat down with everyone. She smiled back and later in the service I caught her eye fucking me, looking me up and down and biting her lip. It worked. She liked my outfit. When I caught her gaze her cheeks turned red and I cocked an eyebrow, smirking at her and winking. She turned as white as a ghost and swiftly went back to standing by the choir dutifully until it was time for the ending song of the service, which was always ‘Blessed Be the Name.’

I liked this song, especially because the ending song was when she’d take a break from conducting and be the lead on the song herself. I enjoyed it, bathing myself in her vocals. I couldn’t believe someone’s voice could be so strong and soulful, yet so gentle and tender. Yet here it was, floating through both my ears. She made me appreciate Christian music, which was otherwise annoying since I heard it 24/7 practically. After our eye session, I knew I definitely needed her number.

As the service came to an end and everyone nosily got up to leave, hymnals and Bibles scattered across all pews, my family got up to leave. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and checking the time, I realized he was smack dab on the minute. My dad texted me every church service at the end at the same time, telling me the time I needed to come home and the chores that needed to be done at the church. Maybe Lucy could stick around and help me out.

It was only a short walk to from church to home and I didn’t mind cleaning the church since it was small and there wasn’t much that needed to be done on a weekend basis. I bent over to start picking up the scattered hymnals and Bibles when I heard someone clear their throat. I quickly straightened up and turned around. Lucy stood in front of me, smiling. “Hey, Lauren. Want me to help you pick all this up? My brother got hurt at soccer practice so my parents are going to be late picking me up, so I’m stuck here. With you,” she added, bouncing on her toes and giggling slightly. I smiled so big my cheeks hurt and a warm feeling spread throughout me.

“Well, I could use the help, honestly. I’m picking up all these books, and you can use some of the disinfectant spray and the paper towels in the cabinet to wipe down the pews.” I smiled wide at her again and ran my fingers through the pages and spine of the book. “Okay!” she replied and turned around, her dress swishing with her body as she moved to the cabinet. I was lost in staring when she turned around and coughed. I swiftly bent back down and cursed at myself for letting her catch me staring at her. “Like what you see, huh?” My throat dropped to my stomach. “Maybe…” I said. She laughed and walked toward me slowly, her heels clapping against the floor with every step. “I always knew there was something different about you, Jauregui.”

“Um… what do you mean?” I asked. I knew exactly what she meant. She knew that I knew what she meant. “Oh come on, don’t play dumb with me, Lauren. You’re gay. Duh. I won’t tell though, don’t worry. I wouldn’t want you at one of those concentration camps that Mike runs. You and I both know those are bullshit and they’re Hell on Earth.” This conversation was making me nervous and I was still frozen in place as she stood in front of me. I moved again to pick up the rest of the books and she began cleaning the pews. This conversation was what I had dreamed of all along but now that it was happening it felt like I was standing between right and wrong, gay and straight, and what I replied would define my fate.

This was scary. My whole life I had outwardly been one thing while internally being another. But I knew what I needed to do, I wasn’t daddy’s pet. I’d be moving out soon, and I liked Lucy. I couldn’t walk away from pursuing something with her when the possibility was right in front of me. “Are you gay too?” I asked her. She nodded. “Well, I’m glad I’ve found refuge in someone. This town is all the same,” I replied. “Me too.” She smiled at me and brushed my arm with her hand, running her fingertips up and down. The hair on my arms instantly stood straight up and goosebumps ran through me, a cold shiver escaping my body. She noticed my reaction and laughed. “I have that much of an effect on you, huh?” I blushed hard and looked down at the bricked floor, fondling one of my shoes with my foot nervously.

“Well I wonder what would happen if I did this…” she began, trailing off. Her hand came up slowly and cupped the side of my face, pushing my hair behind my ear and leaning in. It was happening. I hesitantly leaned in, and our lips met instantly. It could hear angels singing and fireworks shooting off. I gently bit her top lip and she deepened the kiss, her head tilting to the side, one hand running through my thin hair and the other trailing up and down my back. I melted right on the spot and stepped backward onto a hymnal just as her tongue licked the back of my teeth, falling down onto the hard floor right on my butt. Small tears escaped my eyes as she laughed, her hands on her stomach, bent over. I realized the humor in the situation and though my butt really hurt, I began to laugh as well.

She joined me on the floor and we sat there and talked until it was time for her to leave. I lost track of time and realized I had 20 minutes to finish cleaning before it was time for me to be home, and I had to walk. I ran around the church and got everything done, flying out of the double doors and locking them behind me. I checked my phone and I still had 10 minutes to get home, so I caught my breath and began walking. When I unlocked my phone, my contacts were open, and Lucy had put her number in. I smiled at the heart emoji she had placed next to her name and sent her the picture we took together in the church: Lucy kissing me on the cheek and me staring into the camera with a look of nothing less than pure sultry. I went to make it my wallpaper but realized I couldn’t in case someone from church or home saw it.

That could be bad news for both Lucy and I. When I got home I got to scrubbing the dishes from breakfast that were, just as I expected, hard to clean because of the food left on them. I hated living here, no one pulled their own weight. Maybe I could tolerate that if it wasn’t such a judgmental environment. My 18th was in a month. I’d just have to wait until then, but I needed to start talking to my parents about my plans to leave the minute I officially am 18. “Mom?” I called to her in the kitchen as she and dad were watching football. “Yes?” she replied. “Will you and dad come and sit down in here so we can talk about my birthday?” I heard my dad sigh and her whisper to him to go sit down. He followed her to the dining table and they sat in front of me, waiting for me to open the gates to Hell. Literally.

I wiped my hands on the towel, fixed a calm expression onto my face and turned around. “So, I just wanted to tell you guys that I plan to move out next month as planned. I haven’t found an apartment yet but I know where to look, and I have some brochures. How does that sound?” I looked at them at bit my lip. My mom eyed my dad worriedly. We both knew it’d be a hit or miss with him. He carefully thought over what I said, probably deciding whether to overreact. Finally, he plastered a fake smile across his lips. “I think it’s a great idea. I’m really proud that you’re showing initiative with being independent, something I’ve yet to see from Chris, who you know is 19.” I smiled wide and opened my mouth to thank him for his ‘blessing’, but he held up a finger.

“But, I need to make sure you’re ready for this. Moving out and living on your own is a huge commitment to yourself and all the responsibilities that come with owning a place can be overwhelming. I have no doubt that you’ll do fine, but what are the details?”

I knew what he was asking. “Yes, the complexes are all in good neighborhoods, close to the church, near a grocery store and hospital, close to home.” He grinned. I knew him all too well. “What about rent? We will split it with you, but you know with assistance from us comes with what?”

“Rules.” I replied. He nodded and went over the agreements I would have to adhere to if he paid for some of the rent: a curfew, no drinking, no drugs, no sex, and I’d still be expected at church and the center. Those last two expectations stood even if I paid rent myself in full. I didn’t want to agree to any of those things. I stood quietly in front of the table, deciding on whether I wanted to give my parents the key and lock myself away in exchange for help with rent, or if I wanted to almost put myself in debt to pay the bills so that I could do what I wanted. Neither option seemed feasible… maybe I could accept the help but just not follow the rules and hope they didn’t find out? That seemed risky, but what other choice did I have?

“Maybe Lauren needs time to think over her options…” my mom said. “No, it’s okay mom, I know what I want. I need help with rent, I know the rules.” My dad smiled at me as they settled the plans and walked away, going back to the football game. This made me feel uneasy but I wanted to move out so bad, I couldn’t take being under this close watch anymore. I texted Lucy the good news and she replied back only a few seconds later: “Need a roommate?”

MY TUMBLR: geckovillage

Please send questions, praise, comments, constructive words, etc. I am also taking requests for one shots, as I need a break from this fic.

#UPDATE #series #straight #trigger warning #submission #The Confessional Booth

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