#crossing equator

[catboybiologist]

Are you comfortable with questions about your journey to HRT?

Like, mentally how you took the leap of faith from femboy to needing something more / different. Asking for, uh, *a friend*, yeah 👀

Holy shit, this got long. This springboarded me into a massive writing about how my life influenced my personal gender philosophy, and is probably more than you bargained for. But I hope it's helpful in some way! I actually had a similar conversation recently with an NB, not on HRT friend of mine. What's the jump that makes you want to do HRT?

I don't think my experience parallels that of a lot of people's - everyone's is unique. But I do think there are good takeaways from my thoughts on this. Now that I have an Adderall prescription and my quarter is about to end, I've started writing some kind of more cited and developed essay or video essay, but that's random future stuff. This post itself is gonna be a little rambling, and a little personal. Sorry!

Vaguely, I think that the *push* to start HRT was a distinct force from tearing down the internal barriers associated with HRT, if that makes any sense. For many people, I think they have some sense of a mild preference of the gender they would "want" to be, but it doesn't bother them enough to actually break down the barriers to transition. For me, breaking those barriers, both internal and external, was as important as the motivations to transition themselves.

One of the major barriers in people's heads, often without them realizing it, is some kind of inherent belief in the "sanctity" of their body. For many people, "permanent changes" are terrifying, "unnatural", and even if they don't have medical risks, intrinsically *feel* like a medical risk they're taking on some level. It's an offshoot of purity culture in a weird way- it's the same root as a fear of psychiatric medicine making you "not you". Much of this is intrinsically religious, but a lot is actually not. I had a little bit of this growing up. Being raised atheist certainly helped in this regard, even though it was still a queerphobic slavic atheism.

The tiny bit of this I did have was sanctity of my mind, which internally, I still viewed as a separate entity from my body. This was 100% incited by crushing academic pressure, which influenced how I think and my own morality in a lot of unexpected ways. I grew up in a kind of infamously high pressure education area. It sounds unrelated, but it's really not. My mind, academics, and thinking kind of got put on a pedestal on my mind. My personal image of myself was basically a detached orb of thoughts and public speaking. I had 0 connection to my body. But since my mind was everything, both psychiatric medication and HRT were these vile things that could alter how I think and my mood! Gasp!

The final, crushing blow to both of these mentalities was studying biology. And WOW there's so much I could say about how studying biology has influenced how I think about this idea, which I want to talk about a lot more outside of the scope of just a tumblr post. But to summarize- it's not even about finding a biological "reason" for transness. It's about how I saw a living thing as a detailed, dynamic, intricate, constantly changing system that is as much a function of its environment as it is any intrinsic factors. And this includes the mind. So since I'm a shambling mass of chemicals anyways..... Why not be a shambling mass of slightly different chemicals?

The "detached orb" image isn't entirely accurate, though. Because, from an early age, I did have a self image that made me happy. And it was a female one. I shoved this deeply out of my mind in shame, leaving behind the "orb". This was my "push", as I called it before. In addition to a weird separation between my mind and my body, an additional factor contributed to my detachment- a growing distress around developing male traits during puberty, which coincided in the worst ways with academic pressure during teen and preteen years. Looking back, I now recognize this as dysphoria. I don't think my dysphoria was ever as extreme as many other people. But this is why I'm emphasizing taking down barriers as much as the weight of dysphoria itself. It has always been easy to distract from my dysphoria, but it's always been my "resting state" without realizing it.

Linked a bit to the second point is also how I felt shame about exploring any aspect of my life other than academic and professional achievement. Being raised in a high pressure environment means that any exploration of my queer identity felt like a distraction from the "real" things I should be focusing on. The final thing that tore this down, which I don't recommend for ANYONE, was an almost traumatic set of events during the pandemic/my masters degree that made me have a wake up call. I wasn't structuring anything in my life for my own happiness. Going through that made me realize I was going to continue being miserable unless I changed that. So... I started taking the idea of transitioning to actually work on my happiness very seriously.

Being a femboy was actually how I tried to reconcile these things in my head. It was my attempt to "compartmentalize"- allow myself to gently indulge in gender nonconformity and the happiness associated with it, while still not making the "commitment" to fully transition. It helps that most of my existence as a femboy was crossdressing during the height of the pandemic- spending hours on analysis and writing while living alone during my MS, wearing femme outfits while I did it. And of course, taking pics to kick off this whole online persona. I also kind of liked the idea of cis gender nonconformity as a concept, and still do. I love how femboys fuck with gender, and I wanted a slice of that for myself. It wasn't enough long term, and my new commitment to happiness overcame my desire to compartmentalize.

The final barriers were practical. By the end of my masters in 2022, I knew I wanted to transition, I just needed to get my social and financial shit together. Cue moving to my PhD university, becoming active in the queer community here, having an accepting professional environment... and yeah. Here I am. Still gotta socially transition outside of my queer circles, but now, I even have a plan for that. I still got a long way to go, but for the first time, I feel like I'm going in the right direction. And I'm very, very happy.

A lot of this is not applicable to everyone. It's mostly my personal experience. But if there is one thing that I think should apply to everyone here, it's this: kill bioessentialism in your mind. Kill the concept of complete sanctity of your mind and body. Break the barriers and then let yourself move freely across the new landscape you've opened up. At the very least, you'll come out with a more healthy relationship with your cis identity. And at best, you'll find a new part of you that needed to be found.

The other thing I think is broadly applicable is this: when initially figuring things out, stop thinking about what you "are", and start thinking about what you want. Would it make you happy to grow breasts, curves, have a femme face, estrogen regulated emotions, and other transfemme HRT changes? Because those are the actual, physical effects of HRT. If the answer is yes, start it. There's no reason not to. Your identity can come later. You deserve to be happy *for the explicit purpose of being happy*. You don't need to validate that desire through some other random factor.

This got WAAAYYYY too long, but if you have any questions, please, please ask!!!!

#im gonna use trans femboy nb and a binch of other random tags bc of how this deals with the interface of all of them #im not equating them or calling trans people crossdressers to be clear #trans #transgender #queer #genderqueer #nonbinary #transfemme #transmasc #femboy #transitioning #trans journal #trans journey #lgbt #hrt #transition #trans pride #cross dressing #mtf trans #trans fem

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Wait do people not actually know the Ninja Turtles are based on Daredevil? Look at this.

Stick vs Splinter

The Hand vs The Foot

And bro literally makes a cameo in the Mirage(?) comics.

Now all we need is for Daredevil to go toe-to-toe with a tentacle-y alien thing.

OH WAIT

(Credit to Marvel Heroes In Peril for this screenshot)

...

...wait so if Matt got mutagen'd... does that mean he's a mutant somewhere in that world?

#like legit that question never crossed my mind before #what would he be mutated into? a bat? (hehe get it cuz batman) #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #i guess you could also equate Karai to Elektra #but i would prefer you didn't #ninja turtles #leonardo #leonardo hamato #donatello #donatello hamato #raphael #raphael hamato #michaelangelo #michaelangelo hamato #EVEN THOUGH HAMATO WOULD COME FIRST LIKE IN THEIR DAD'S NAME BUT OK #daredevil #matt murdock #matthew murdock #nelson and murdock #the devil of hell's kitchen #hamato yoshi #foot clan #oroku saki #oroku karai #tutant meenage neetle teetles #and i mean yeah theyre in america so it would be first name surname #but they were raised by a japanese man so traditional his origin somehow always takes place in a time BEFORE TECHNOLOGY #or at the very least in a culture extremely separated from it #like bro taught them ninjutsu for cowabungas sake

[fatcatartru]

#Today is the September Equinox #and the Sun crosses the equator from north to south #this is what it looks like 🌞 Zarathustra the Celestial Cat enlightens your day! 🎨Giulio Romano #The Chariot Of The Ginger Sun 😻☀️ Detail of the ceiling fresco in the Chamber of the Sun and the Moon in Palazzo Te #Mantova #Italy. FatCatArt GiulioRomano PalazzoTe SeptemberEquinox septemberequinox2023 zarathustralive zarathustraforever ⁠ paintingofth #Instagram

[good-beans]

The thing that gets me about Mahiru is how they sneak in her tragedy, as opposed to some of the other characters. Like a lot of them have really blatant horror/tragedy from the beginning, but Mahiru's tale is hinted at until it smacks you in the face.

Aw, she's in love and blinded by love and would do anything for it, okay! Aw, she copies everything her lover does, even if it doesn't serve herself, like the silly scene with the bread, or the running, or the smoking, huh! Aw, she's willing to forgive someone that almost killed her because she feels so strongly that people should stick to acting on what they believe, wow!

And you can tell somethings a little fucked up but all at once it hits you like,

She's blinded by love and would sacrifice anything -- wait, anything? She copies everything.... so if her lover suggested he wanted to..... then she'd want to.... oh, oh no...... Surely she'd talk him out of-- unless she believes people should do what they have their heart set on, oh fuck.... But she's so full of life and excitement! Surely she wouldn't have made the decision to join h-- except, wait -- she'd do anything for love

#milgram #mahiru shiina #I AM UNWELL ABOUT HER #can you imagine planning your own suicide but its not even your idea??? you didnt really want to??? youre doing it for someone else????? #and not in a self sacrificial way??? just because thats what lovers do -- they do everything together????? #and the thought wouldnt even cross her mind to stop it!!!!! because she doesnt want to impose on what hes set out to do!!!!!! #AHHHHH #i know we dont have set facts but it really seems like an attempted lovers suicide #theres the horror of 'she literally helped a man commit suicide instead of saving him' joined with the fact that #SHE volunteered for death when she didnt have to At All because thats what she thought a good woman should do FUCK #(because he probably wasnt even planning on it for any relationship reasons! it was likely completely separate mental issues) #but she put herself in the equation because thats what lovers do right? #i dont know if this is collected enough but i just needed to yell for a sec :((( #tw suicide #rose posts

[serfuzzypushover]

asexual kankri not in the "hes celibate so he MUST be ace" but in the "he just is asexual and he also happens to b celibate"

#chris cross applesauce #seriously tho as someone wwhos celibate 😭 #gettin immediately equated to isnt sexually attracted to anyone wwhen its just choosin not to havve sex is exhaustin to me #homestuck #kankri vantas

[granturn]

[image description: a screenshot of Mr. Degroot from Black Sails. His sea tuttle neck tattoo is visible. Image is accompanied by a text post by tumblr user neondyke that says, "I know it's been said but girls with tattoos"

/end description]

#black sails #mr. degroot #degroot bs #black sails crack #this man... he puts up with so much and i love him #also fun fact the turtle tattoo means hes crossed the equator!!

[mathysphere]

Maxwell's Equations by QuiltifyDesign

The spiritual successor to all those multiplication table samplers 🔢

#cross stitch #embroidery #mathematics #quiltifydesign #cross stitch equations... can't go wrong there #catch me stitching all those darn calculus formulas I can't seem to remember

[majorproblems77]

2 characters and a word

I'm bored and I can't stare at my uni work any longer. I want you to give me 2 LU characters and a word prompt. And I'll write a short thing about it. Max 5 sentences. :D

#linked universe #writing #linkeduniverse #creative writing #Im bored #uni work got me cross eyed #I physically cant anymore #send me some asks #I'm writing Unravelling in the background to procrastinate cause I'm so tired of staring at light exposure equations #tag is gonna be... #2Char and a word

[breitzbachbea]

God, I am so afraid that what I am gonna write is gonna be cheesy, bc it is ultimately so empty underneath, but damn. Damn do I want to make the "root of all rebellions" post.

#beablabbers #even worse now I have the we waited 700 years you can have the 7 minutes in my head again #that would fuck as a reply but also cross a line bc wooowie we're doing that equation? bold.

[lesbiansanemi]

People who conflate cannibalism with vore like stop. No for real stoooop. Lol stop. Please. I’m gonna cry

#they are…. so so so fundamentally NOT the same thing OH my god #like idk when this started but like I’ve seen just standard normal cannibalism cross tagged as vore and it makes me anxious #they are not equatable in the least 😭😭😭 #and I am living in terror that one day I’m gonna click on something where I read the tags and they all seemed normal #but there was a vore one next to the cannibalism one and I was like ‘oh unfortunately this happened again’ #and no…. it’s going to be actual vore…… and then I’m going to have to walk into the woods to die and rot #but also @ the ppl doing this you are also probably alienating a large audience that will not touch ANYTHING tagged as it because… yeah #that is me btw I would NEVER click something tagged vore #but once I realized this was a thing that was happening I might maybe sometimes possibly risk it if it seems like a high probability this #is what happened but…. it terrifies me every time #anyways pls stop doing this ppl who write stuff featuring just normal fucking cannibalism #kaz rambles

[fjb-blurbs]

Sakura: So it turns out, a squirrel would need to fall about 4800 miles in order to die, because that would give it time to starve to death, because they can survive terminal velocity!

Kakashi, deeply regretting his decision to pass the genin: Sakura, I am begging you; go to sleep - it's 3-something in the morning!

[#3 am ramblings : 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7]

#source: stealthboy #naruto incorrect quotes #InnerSakura got bored and dumped squirrel equations in sakuras brain #she made it kakashi's problem now #a corner of that genius mind is about to cross check that calculation #naruto and sakura can't sleep and they make it everyone's problem #haruno sakura #hatake kakashi #3 am ramblings #team 7 shenanigans #genin days #possibly canon #naruto blurb

[solarisgod]

This is a gentle PSA regarding romantic ships that with Micah / the Starwake System, as we intend to keep every interactions per muse set in a strictly singular continuous storyline ( single story driven ) rather than having each set of interactions within their respective different storyline, no matter how different / contradicting the plots and lores and settings of each interaction set may be to each other ( i.e fantasy vs. modern settings, plot involving the Starwake System being in another muse's universe and away from their own vs., etcetera ), if there is any interest in wanting to develop a romantic relationship with them, then your muse will learn and must accept that they would be in a poly relationship with multiple people, including Warlock ( @lunarisdog as their future primary partner, whenever they'll be together romantically with their extreme slow burn, lmfao ).

At least with Micah, they are known to be very easy to form crushes and someone who extremely enjoy loving people in every ways, including romance, and having them in a roleplay type of storytelling environment, it would be nice for them to have multiple romantic ships with our writing partners' muses, though while being extremely selective as we'd rather have them developed as much naturally as possible and will eventually approach to ask if it's okay to shift the dynamic from platonic to romantic, what have you.

#𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ OOC . › #𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ PSA . › #[ ✨ : HELLO DOES THIS MAKE SENSE... ] #[ basically we're multiship but singleverse despite having a list of different verses / versions ] #[ our main / canon verse is played as more as a thing that adapts to correspond to my partner’s verse ] #[ ( i.e. your main verse sets in Pokémon so will our own verse ) ] #[ having to be developed naturally and / or with plotting. like think of our verse as a living and sentient shapeshifter ] #[ a haunted house ] #[ being able to change anything at anytime so it can equate with your verse of interest ] #[ so Micah / the Starwake System would be dating multiple muses when that crosses over the bridge ] #[ hence if your muse wanna be with them romantically then they're gonna know about their polyamory / multi relationships ] #[ with Micah / whoever starmate then asking your muse if it's still okay to still be dating etc ] #[ as of now ] #[ in three months of writing the Starwake System ;] #[ they only have one romantic ship ( though the muse in question is currently on hiatus ) ] #[ and we're happy to give them more as long as there's genuine chemistry and developments to them ] #[ yeah! make of this psa what you will <333 ] #[ gonna add this to our pinned post and reblog this a few times across today yippeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! ]

[zerhysie]

tbh i don’t have an issue w “cozy horror” being a descriptor but that mary sue article calling it feminine or whatever because it’s not “endurance” like. hm.

#i think it's kind of fun to have a label for horror that's not like True horror #i just have an issue w anybody that's going to equate femininity w the inability to handle certain things #like what other kinds of groundbreaking gender discussions can journalists have like are we doing COD vs animal crossing next #battlefield 2042 vs stardew valley

[wingsmould]

starlow doesnt hate luigi he just gets on her nerves sometimes and tests her patience

#beep boop #like. maybe its cause im not done with the series but ? she doesnt hate him #that doesnt mean she RESPECTS him but. #like ok in bis luigi literally suggests she fights a boss (i cant remember the name) while he protects peach and she has every right #to get angry ! hes being a coward and this is a dire situation #and she does cross some lines every now and then ! like after the shroob fight where she praises mario and makes fun of luigi #which is why mario defends him! because he was the one to save everyone by crying (which was starlows joke answer) #and she does seem to get nicer after all that . comparing how in bis she tells him to suck it up and stop being cold to dream team where #shes sees him cold and wishes she could help #the difference there too is that in bis theyre not in immediate danger and in dream team the portal closed and she has no idea #whats going on #idk im rambling. see ok her abrasive-ness makes her a fun and comedic character and also different from other partners in other games #like she is impatient . she is commanding . if she was only just nice idk i dont think shed be as memorable #also their dynamic is fun! sometimes having a bit conflict in the main group is fun god damn it! #idk. i just love starlow and dont like seeing people equate her to ''hates luigi'' because she doesnt. #also i say this as someone who loves luigi.

[nako-doodles]

I've been trying to figure out what the Seom tannies remind me of and it just clicked. They remind me of the powerpuff girls minus the eyes since the eyes are different

*whispers in tinie* oh my god..........

#i still think they look like animal crossing like the aesthetic....you know? #almost all chibi art games look very similar bc they exploit our brain into equating all toddler like attributes to be cute #and makes us want to take care of them. its genetically written into our brain to find them cute..... #how devious #ans #shirley gets played handseomly

[kitkat27]

Got a in person assessment today 🙃.

A live court room cross examination of a crime scene I went to in February

It is a very intense mock up of the real thing and it’s 50% of my grade for this module (half of the marks come from presentation and demeanour so praying my drama knowledge helps me here)

Last minute cramming occurring

Wish me luck !

#currently cramming anything I could be asked #why does bayes theroem and Harvey Weinberg equation exist 🙃 #forensic biology #court room #court room cross examination #kat talks