#didnt work out too much today. just a little bit of warm ups for the whole session

[zoppzoop]

worked out today after quite a while!!! felt good to know that even after all the cracky bones and long days spent sitting at my desk, I haven't lost too much of my flexibility, although my stamina has dropped down WAY too much. hopefully I can wake up early and go for a run tomorrow and slowly build it up!!

#didnt work out too much today. just a little bit of warm ups for the whole session #got winded way too much #stretches were good #need to work my way up on the weights again :') #this time im gonna build up my back and shoulders hopefully #i saw a few fanarts of jay and got reminded of the episode where they were getting dresses for the grimm ball and how the lady there was #fawning over jay's goddess-like shoulders and yea #buff fictional women being my workout inspration never stops #last time it was shimura nana and miruko and i got my legs strong. couldnt lose the fat tho so I had to keep hearing mom say things but #oh well I like them this way ^^ #i hope im more consistent this time though

[starzshopoflove]

Simon "ghost" Riley x Reader

Notes: fem reader! i hc ghost doesn't wear a mask when he's off duty, this is just whatever rot my mouse brain creates, age gap but not to crazy, sfw mostly ,size kink if you squint, literally just me projecting onto reader sorry

no thoughts just ghost meeting cute little civvie reader in a shop when he's just trying to get his shopping done after coming back from a mission just wanting to fill his fridge with enough beer and groceries that vaguely resemble food

Simon watching you struggle to reach the flour from a set high shelf in the aisle, grumbling to yourself about "who fucking needs flour anyway" still trying to reach it and he just pluck it off the shelf and drops it in your cart before making his way to another aisle and your just left looking stupid watching this giant trudge away with a little blue tesco basket in tow

Simon who notices you at the same book shop he frequents, but your perched behind the counter doing god knows what ( vaguely resembles inventory but hey do what you will) calculator in hand as he peeks from behind a bookshelf trying to remember where he's seen you before.

Civvie reader who passes her days working quietly in a book shop and living in a simple one room flat indulging her romantic needs in fiction too nervous to actually talk to men, fictional ones satisfying her needs better. That is until you see some books on the counter sliding over to scan them.

"Your total's 23.55" you mumble looking at the screen "Cash or Card?" you add before lifting your head to meet the brick wall of a muscle man. Oh OH, no thoughts as you just stare at his pecs in your line of sight thanking whatever god you believe in for the sight before you, better then anything your little brain could muster up even with the detailed descriptions authors would spit out onto the pages you read

You violently peel your eyes away from the most beautiful pair of man tits you've ever seen to see what man was the owner, and by god do you wish you werent so bad around men. I mean the wind practically got knocked out of your lungs as you let out a barely audible squeak watching this man fish in his pockets for his wallet

Messy blonde hair that was in that weird phase of curly but not really, a nose that looks like its seen a good fight, deep set brown eyes, and a few healed scars settled on the skin. Aged but like wine, a really really fine wine

"Right, cash" His hands fiddling through the wallet to pull out the bank notes, while you prayed you didnt look like a hunger dog staring at his hands as they placed the cash on the counter.

Simon who watches the little bookshop employee look like she just got punched in the gut and was trying not groan as she quickly rang him up, Do i smell? he thinks to himself

Simon who watches your smaller hands shuffle the cash into the register, noting how they're free of calluses, nailed neat and slightly grown, soft.

Simon who leaves the bookstore thinking of a excuse to go again tomorrow, not to see the bookshop girl or anything, he has his reasons!! he just hasn't thought of it yet!!

You start looking up from your notes for your class when the shop bell jingles hoping to see the mystery man whos built exactly like your favorite webcomic character but with the gruff and mature aura of that mc from the game your friend made you play that you cant quite remember. Only disappointed when its just another customer , until later in the day the man returns again.

But its much later in the day and you've switched on the shops warm lights, turning off the ac letting the place warm up as you hear the door jingle again, mystery man making his way to the counter your eyes following his every step, meaty thighs

You who perks up when his forearms settle at the counter suddenly eyes locking onto yours and suddenly very glad you tidied up a bit today, tinted chapstick, perfume, cleaner turtle neck, lashes, lipgloss, earrings ahm

"Tesco" he grumbles out unmoving

"what" well thats not what you were expecting to hear

"You were the girl , couldnt reach the flour yeah?" oh that was him

"Oh, that was you? thank you?" oh what the fuck were you supposed to say?? oh thank you freakishly tall man who watched me struggle?? let me take your whole cock in my mouth while you call me a good pet feeding your meaty length down my throat??

"Yeah" Simon didnt think to much on what to do now, gaze getting awkward now that hes got his confirmation

"Did you need anything" you finally broke the silence, god its fuckin tense in here and hes so close, you wanna just get a sniff but thats hardly workplace behavior doesn't matter if its your dads shop or not.

"Mhm, ye got any cook books?"

"yeah, section 12, shelf 9" whos he cooking for? his wife? i dont see a ring? maybe a long time girlfriend?? who wouldnt snatch up this actual beefcake

"Thanks, tryna cook something new for myself. Flats been quiet" He mumbled like speaking too much would give him a headache

SImon purchased his books same stare at the girls hand like last time as she took his money. God do something you look like a creep staring at this poor girls hands.

"Got a notepad luv?" again that same punched face returned, is she alright? he thought to himself

Oh he just called me luv oh fuck dont wheeze dont wheeze just hand him the pen and paper like a good employee, come on. Oh god dont stare at his arms, are those tattoos oh my god

Sliding back the notepad simon made pace of grabbing his cook book a slipping out the shop just as quick as he went in

You who looked at the notepad almost slipping back out of your chair

"Simon 44 xxx xxx xxx"

Children were singing, the angels sang their songs, the trees regrew in that parking lot down the street, healthcare in america was just made free, and you just got the phone number of a man built like a double door fridge that you have every intention of climbing

#cod mw2 #simon riley x reader #simon riley #cod mw x reader #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost cod #ghost x reader #mw2022 #ghost call of duty #sorry i just love civilian reader x ghost #reader def has a tumblr acc #reader most likely survived middle school with a undertale phase #reader is literally just as fictional man hungry as us

[morwap]

i cannot stop thinking about giving eddie a rim job for the first time and he won’t leave you alone after that,, he just loves on you and follows you around like a lost puppy <3

i love him so much 🤧 he’s just so cute

cum eating, handjob, sub!eddie,

you had eddie on his back, hair sprawled around his head like a halo and some of his bangs clung to his forehead. eddie’s chest rising and falling and his thighs were flexing as you ran your hand up and down one thigh and your lips were pressing on his hip and moving down to his other thigh.

you could hear his deep breaths and the softest noises coming from his pretty mouth, hearing him gasp when you quickly grabbed his cock, giving a few quick jerks on his tip before going all the way down to his base.

kissing and sometimes biting a bit at his inner thigh, eddie curled the sheets up in his palm and his eye lids fluttered as he stared at the ceiling before glancing down at you then back up.

licking one stripe up his cock from his base all the way to his tip, watching his reaction and biting back an amused giggle. hearing him moan your name when you took your tongue down the way it came up and going down even further, over his balls, teasing with your teeth gently before going to his hole.

running your tongue flat against it and pushing his leg up with your free hand while your other hand went back to stroking his cock. hearing eddie moan loudly and curse under his breath.

eddie’s teeth dug into his bottom lip to try and muffle himself but it didnt really work as you could still hear almost every whine,moan,grunt and thing he mumbled out pretty clearly. he moved one hand to his thigh feeling the coldness from his rings which took some of his attention from your warm tongue. he didnt know what he expected since this was the first time but he didnt expect it to feel this good especially when you’d push your tongue in the slightest bit and with you touching his cock like this, eddie was in pure bliss as he fought back from cumming too early.

feeling you move your tongue faster as well as your strokes on his cock made his head go fuzzy. “feels so good” eddie whined, his hand that was on his thigh to your hand that was pleasuring him, putting his hand over yours and just gently following your movements, just wanting to hold your hand and be closer to you while he was drowning him pleasure.

“fuck—m’gonna cum, m’gonna fuckin’ cum” eddie mewled, his breath picking up and his whole body tensed, moans and grunts came from his as his climax was so close and you couldn’t be more happy.; happy that you got to be the first person to do this to him.

his hand tightened on yours but you still moved it a bit, eddie’s mouth stayed slightly open as he came, cum spurting out in ropes and landing onto his belly. you lift your head and watched him cum onto his stomach and when you thought it was over more came even if it was a couple little drops.

some of his cum rolled down yours and his fingers, you gently moved his leg down and moved up his body, moving his hand off yours with your other hand and bringing your mouth to his fingers and licking his cum off them as he was recovering from his orgasm.

setting his hand down and moving on to your own fingers, you felt him jolt as you moved your hand up on his cock with more pressure than needed just to see if he could cum just a tiny bit more before licking your fingers clean with soft moan.

moving his cock out of the way before leaning down and licking his cum off his stomach, “you taste so sweet ed’s” you complimented and fought back a smirk when you looked up and saw him looking down at you with a blush forming on his face.

the next day was what you expected, eddie not leaving your side not even for one minute but that was normal whenever you two had sex. today was a bit different, more lovey and more wanting, needing your affection and time but you had no complaints.

if eddie wanted to be right by your side and follow you around like an adorable little puppy because he had discovered the wonders of getting a rimjob by you then you’d let him and give him whatever he wanted.

teasing him about how clingy he is, but always making sure to reassure him you were only joking and loved that he was like this was one of your favorite parts. watching him pout and get shy about it for only a few minutes was always something you liked to see.

#eddie munson smut #sub!eddie munson #stranger things eddie #eddie munson x reader smut #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #sub eddie munson #stranger things fanfic #stranger things eddie munson #eddie munson stranger things #stranger things smut #stranger things x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #dom reader

[cmoundiamante]

WELCOME HOME ✦ S.JY

pairing non idol!jake x fem!reader

summary It was going to be your first birthday with Jake and Layla, and they managed to turn a regular day into a much better one.

genre fluff, established relationship, drabble.

warnings any ig

a/n hello everyone!! its rom again ^^ i didnt really like this drabble but i wanted to post something fluff anyway, lmk what do u think of it in the comments. i remind u, english is not my first language so pls be kind (: any correction will be considered, not only to improve reading but also for my learning ^^ enjoy it <3

wc +2k

You woke up with a bit of difficulty trying to fight with the warm blankets that didn't want to let you out of bed. The first thing you found when you opened your eyes was your boyfriend, still asleep and snoring. Your hand made contact with Jake's cheeks, you felt a temperature shock when the hand you pulled out from under the blankets made contact with your boyfriend's cheek. You felt a strange movement on the bed, when you raised your head a little you could see Layla, Jake's dog, she sensed at the moment you were awake. You saw Jake again and laughed when you saw how even though he is asleep he is pouting, so before you got out of bed you decided to give him a kiss.

You got up, and with your pajamas on, you left the room, careful not to make any noise so as not to wake your boyfriend. Instead of staying in bed with Jake, Layla decided to go out and accompany you.

When you first met Jake, it didn't take long for him to invite you to his home and introduce you to his faithful partner, so when they both made the decision to live together, Layla was included in the plan. At first you could tell how the dog had a certain distrust, but since you liked animals you were constantly trying to give her affection, which made her love you a little more every day.

You two went to the kitchen, the first thing you did was fill Layla's dog food bowl, then you started with your breakfast, being unsure of what you were going to do, so you decided to look at the fridge to give you some idea.

As you made breakfast, you remembered that tomorrow was your birthday. You weren't that excited, and it was customary since you always spent your birthdays the same way. The exception for this birthday was that it was the first time Jake was going to celebrate with you.

Because you were deep in thought, you didn't feel Layla's barking, nor the hands that held your waist. "Morning, love." You turned to look him in the eye and your lips met, creating a soft kiss. "Good morning, Jakey." "How did you wake up?" he pulled away from your waist and began to help prepare breakfast. He opened the refrigerator and took out four oranges.

"Alright, baby. It's pretty cold outside, I think you need to bundle up," you said, seeing that he was ready to go to work. He was wearing a shirt with the first two buttons unbuttoned and jeans close to the body, the whole outfit was black. Sometimes you wondered to yourself how such a handsome man could have come into your life. "I know, don't worry." He grabbed a knife to halve the oranges and then put them in the juicer. "You look very handsome today, love."

"Just today?" he raised an eyebrow and you rolled your eyes. “Everyday.” The toast was ready to automatically come out of the toaster, you put it down on a plate and then you walked up to Jake, grabbed his half-open shirt and pulled him closer to you for a kiss, he laughed generating a vibration on your lips. A bark came into the scene, you looked back and saw Layla, wagging her tail as she looked at the two of you. "She's getting jealous"

"Come here, Girl." It wasn't necessary for Jake to bend down to pet his dog, she stuck out her tongue showing that she enjoyed her owner's caresses. You bend down and start petting her too. "Who wanna go for a walk?" Layla, hearing that keyword come out of your mouth, began to spin, you laughed at the sight of its enthusiasm. "Okay, girl, we'll go after breakfast."

"Babe," Jake said. "Hmm?" you hummed. "I'm afraid I'll leave work a little later, I don't know if I'll make it to dinner." You looked at him trying to hide the sadness you had when you heard that, you kept caressing Layla while thinking about what to answer. "What time will you come, love?" he looked at his watch, it was almost time to leave. "At 11 P.M." he turned to look at the table again, grabbed two glasses from one of the cupboards and poured the orange juice he had prepared, he makes bottoms up to drink it, as he had little time left. You saw him with some sadness, knowing that he was being held to a great deal in his work. "Do you have to go now?"

"Yes love." when you stood up he took the opportunity to take your chin and again, give you another of those sweet kisses typical of him, which even if he is not very present always make you start the day well. "I. Love you. So. Much. Do you know that?" he said between kisses. Seriously, you could never get tired of this guy. "I love you too." As you pulled away from the kiss, with the same hand that held your chin he began to caress your cheek, you felt how little by little you melted under his gaze. "I bet you will miss me," he said jokingly. "Oh, believe me I'll do." Although he get away from you, you followed him to the exit door. You looked at him from the time he started getting ready to go out, until he said "I love you beautiful, see you later."

You went back to the kitchen and saw the glass with the juice that Jake had prepared, then you saw the other end of the counter and there were the two pieces of toast, so starting to feel the loneliness, you decided to set the table for breakfast alone. You sat down and started spreading the strawberry jam on top of the toast, at the same time as you bit into it you felt a ball of hair brush against your bare leg, it was clearly Layla, making you understand that she wanted some food. "You can't eat this, Lay." his face begged you to give him some of what you were, yet you knew what it could cause. "When we go to the pet shop I'll buy you some snacks, right?" you took another bite of the toast and looked at Layla again to see if she had any reaction to what you said, but no, she only understands key words. "Wanna go for a walk?"

11:30 P.M. And Jake still hadn't arrived. You were in bed reading a book, accompanied by Layla, who was resting next to you because she was so tired after being outside all day walking with you. However, you were not aware of what time it was, you completely forgot about the issues around you that you only paid attention to the plot of the story.

Instead, Jake, he lied to you, he wasn't at work. Even though he had spent weeks hiding your gift, he still needed to buy a couple of things to complete what he had in mind. Chocolates, flowers, some products that he knew had caught your attention, and of course, the box that brought a gift that you would never have imagined. He had everything ready in his car, but he was calm knowing that he was going to get home at 0 A.M. o’clock.

When he got home, and saw that you weren't downstairs, he took advantage and tried to be as quiet as possible to prepare your presents on the sofa.

When he finished, Jake looked at his watch, it was 11:59 P.M. He slowly went upstairs to go look for you, opened the door to his room and quietly spied on you to see what you were doing, you were still reading the book he had given you a few months ago. He opened the door a little more, enough for you to see him out of the side of your eyes. You were a little startled, as you hadn't even heard him coming. "How are the two girls of my life?" he said, referring to you and Layla. You jumped out of bed to meet your boyfriend, throwing the book to God knows where. You hugged him and started kissing him all over his face. "I missed you so much." Since Layla always senses movement, she didn't hesitate to throw herself on top of Jake as well. "We missed you so much."

Jake's watch vibrated, clearly indicating that the day had come. Without warning, he lifted your legs, taking advantage of the fact that you had your arms around his neck to carry you downstairs. "Hey, what are you doing?" He didn't answer you, he just giggled as he went downstairs. When you guys reached the floor downstairs he let go of you and with his hands covered your eyes, helping you walk to the living room. You stood still for a few seconds, until you heard your boyfriend's voice hit your ear. "Are you ready?" you nodded, already knowing what Jake was planning. Your eyes were freed, and you couldn't refrain from opening your mouth.

There were multiple bags from different shops, such as Prada, Dior, some MAC makeup, Kylie Cosmetics, he had also bought books that you had told him you wanted to read, and your favorite candys, what caught the most attention was the biggest box in the middle. The floor was decorated with fake petals, there were also some above the gifts to give it a more romantic touch. "You're gonna catch flies."

"Jake, this is too much." He was still behind you, holding your waist while his chin rested on your shoulder. "It's what you deserve, now, open your presents," he blurted out, excited to see how you would react. "Leave the bigger box for last."

You listened to him, starting to open the gift bags that were on the sides of the box that captures your attention the most. When you opened each gift you couldn't help but thank Jake, you couldn't imagine all the money he spent on you, nor did you understand how he had paid so much attention to particularly buy you things you needed or wanted. You finished opening all the presents, at this point you were so grateful that all you did was cry with emotion, but there was something pending, the biggest box. You paid more attention to it and noticed that it had some holes, with uncertainty you opened the box and found something that you were very excited to have, however you had never talked about it with Jake.

You picked her up slowly with your hands trying not to wake her up, she was asleep. "A dog?" It was a newborn Jack Russell. "It's a girl." You rested the still sleeping puppy on your chest. "But Jake, why?" "I thought it would be a good idea to expand the family." Jake came up to you and started petting the dog, on the other side of your shoulder you felt Layla, who when she saw that you had the dog in your arms sniffed it. "Also, I've seen how you treat Layla, noticed that you like animals, so I wanted to give you one."

The puppy started rubbing on your chest, you brought your face closer to hers and you saw how little by little she opened her eyes. "Hi, baby." you brushed your nose against the dog's, in a form of affection she stuck out her tongue to give you some kisses, you giggled at this while you felt Jake's intense gaze enjoy that tender moment.

Jake caressed your thigh as you began to think about the question you usually have long in advance, what will be her name? You didn't plan on having children at the moment, but you were always looking for inspiration or jotting down names that seemed meaningful or beautiful to you. One came to your head, which for some reason you felt matched the dog a lot.

"Welcome home, Cora."

#enhypen #enhypen fic #jake enhypen #jake #jake x reader #jake sim #jake fluff #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen jake

[kcrossvine-art]

whats crackling? whats snackling? in the near future, possibly YOU! This next one might be good for those of yall who dont have big kitchens. Today on our cooking review revue is Golden Hill pears from the Redwall Cookbook- 

(for crackling and snackling purposes you can find the original recipe at the bottom to follow along)-

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to Golden Hill Pears?” YOU MIGHT ASK

sugar

water

4 medium pears (peeled, halved, cored)

ground allspice

As you can guess by the ingredients, golden hill pears are just caramelized pears. Am a huge fuckin fan of caramelized stone fruits- peaches, pears, plums,- but contrary to my normal method of using an oven to achieve the desired syrupy goodness, this recipe calls only for a little sauce-pot and lid! 

AND, “what does Golden Hill Pears taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

If you've had caramelized fruit before you'll get the gist, however, these are on the higher end in terms of taste 100%

The allspice is such a brush of warmth and comfort

Tastes like cuddling the person you love in front of the fire

Caramel taste is even throughout

Would be so so so good paired with a nice pulled pork stew

And warm apple cider would be perfectionx2

A fulfilling end to a fall season that passed too fast

. Where pear halves called for, strained and used canned pear slices (0% added juice) . Where sugar called for, used fine granulated sugar . Tripled cooking time for initial caramelization

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Go fucking hogwild with the allspice honestly, i used about 2 soup-spoonfuls of it and couldve still probably done more. its up to personal preference but its damn good.

Also; cooked way more evenly than youd think. Once the initial caramelization was done each 'batch' of pears cooked pretty quick.

SO, it took me about 3 tries to get this right as the book describes itself. My first mistake was letting it get to a golden brown color, as the book says you should, because by the time the sugar and water is that color alone in the pan, it is already way too late and is going to burn by the time you add the pears in. You need to add the pears in a bit earlier than whats going to feel right- when the mixture becomes a strong yellow-ish color id say?

The second time, because the first try had burnt, i tried lowering the heat/going against the books advice and stirring throughout. In all previous times ive caramelized something it was good to get some motion in there, so i figured if it burnt before maybe the issue was too much heat and no movement. This didnt work. This instead somehow created massive sugar crystals which over the period of about 30 seconds (once reaching temp and adding to the pan) quickly hardened and had to be chipped away until it broke off the spoon and the pot. Im not a scientist i have no fucking idea.

It mightve tasted good and been a cool cake topper but at this point we were 40 minutes in with no delicious pears so we werent wasting time with tasters.

Third attempt; corrected from previous mistakes. Watched the saucepot like a fuckin HAWK, didnt stir or disturb the pan, had it on medium heat for about 21 minutes until it started turning yellow, added the pears and allspice in immediately, covered and simmered it. I had 2 cans of pears that i strained and patted dry of excess fluid, so with 2 seperate batches for the one pot. I think the second batch came out richer but there wasnt too much a difference. Both came out lovely to eat with the syrup drizzled over top.

All in all, from deciding to make them to having them in my belly, and subtracting failed attempts, id estimate it took about 30 minutes? It would be longer if you prepared the pears yourselves, along with the cooktime for them probably, but its not neccesary for this recipe.

It tastes fuckin good and would be excellent in living situation where all you have available is a portable hot-top. I could see myself making it again now that i know what visual cues to look for.

I give this recipe a solid 8/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.)

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

3 tablespoons sugar

4 medium pears, peeled, halved lengthwise and cored

Generous pinch ground allspice

Method:

Put the sugar in the bottom of a heavy saucepan and sprinkle 2 tablespoons of water over it. Cook over medium heat without stirring until the mixture reaches a golden brown caramel, about 7 minutes. (Swirl the pan if the caramel colors unevenly).

Standing back, pour in 1/4 cup of water, taking care as it will spit.

Add the pears and allspice to the pan, cover and simmer until the pears are tender, 10 to 15 minutes.

Use a slotted spoon to transfer the pears to a serving dish. Raise the heat and boil the syrup vigourously for 1 minute.

Pour the syrup over the pears and serve immediately, or let cool and then chill before serving.

#cross cooks redwall #food recipe #caramelized #digital art

[simplygyuu]

Nouvelle Crown : 23 - Under the Streetlights

synopsis : choi beomgyu, the second prince of the royal choi family doesnt have much of a life outside of his duties. even then hes not allowed to do much, his brother is the crown prince after all. but when he meets you, a regular commoner girl, through his brothers friend soobin he cant help but be intrigued. commoner life is so different from what he knows and you are the only person to treat him like the normal teenager he always longed to be. with you he gets to experience the normal, teenager life behind the backs of his overbearing family.

the two of you sat quietly at the bus stop where you had truly hung out for the first time, happily chatting. beomgyu wasnt supposed to be out, but he didnt care. he needed to see you. plus, he knew yeonjun had his back now.

the crickets chirped and the only light was from the yellow streetlights. there were no people walking around, not this late at night at least. you were completely alone.

"y/n?" you hear beomgyu say and turn to face him when hes already looking at you. theres a small smile on his face, one you can't really decipher. its not his usually shy smile nor is it his mischievous wide one. its too dark to see any of the red color on his face but youre assuming its there. hes been blushing the whole night after all. you softly hum in response, head tilting a bit.

"thank you so much for.. everything." he suddenly begins, turning to almost fully face you. "i..i never knew what it was like to live before i met you. everyday i looked forward to texting you or finding a way to hang out, you fill my mind 24/7," he then nervously chuckles and there, you see his shy smile as he glances away. "i just love you so much... i hope you dont think this is too soon its just, ive never felt like this before. ever. and i want to tell you as often as i can that i love you and you changed my life for the better."

beomgyu almost glows in the dim light, his hair lightly blowing in the wind. you can imagine the blush on his cheeks and you can see the way he slightly gnaws on his bottom lip. his eyes flicker around, landing on you then the grass then his hands and then the cycle repeats. god, you really like him dont you?

without responding to him you tap his cheek to get his eyes on you again. his cheek is warm to the touch as he turns to you and thats when you lean in a bit. its a slow thing as you give him the chance to move, the chance to back away, yet he does the complete opposite. despite his lack of experience he closes the gap between your lips.

the kiss is slow and gentle, just full of love. so, so much love. its not rushed or messy, its not needy or careless. no its romantic, loving, and just so beautiful. beomgyus hand hovers over your waist for a second before he finally places his hand down on your waist and pulls you the slightest bit closer, melting like putty into the kiss. it lasts for a few long seconds but easily feels like an eternity. you could kiss beomgyu for hours if you had the chance to.

you end up breaking the kiss and beomgyu leans his forehead against yours and smiles, eyes crinkling happily. you cant help but giggle softly and he quickly follows suit with a round of chuckles. you lean forward to give him one little peck on the cheek, your mouth hurting from how much you've smiled tonight.

"i love you too, beomgyu. i love you so much"

--------------------------------------------------------------

previous masterlist next

notes : IM SEEING TXT TODAY!!! im so excited and rlly wanted to get this out... AAA IM SO HAPPY IVE BEEN WAITING FOR YEARS TO SEE THEM IN CONCERT!!! anyways IM HOLDING MY PROMISE OF TRYING HARDER TO UPDATE! school ends at the end of next week, so ill only have work and this to do :)

reblogs and replies are really really appreciated and keep me motivated!!

taglist (open) : @mazeinthemoon @pokyloky @run2seob @bluebearybeom @wonioml @rikismiel @yumilovesloona @captivq @soobin-chois @thisisnotjacinta @silvsie @sullystraw @luvsoobs @ddeonudepressions @woncheecks @ioszzn @dudufodd @jaeminanklelicker @strawbrinkofdeath @softcabur @luvsooby @ilovewonyo @kaewonie @sugar5 @itzxvaxella @il0vebeomgyu @angelbythewindow @gyuville @myknifeyourlife @sandhyaaa-aa @beomiebears @vocaloshin @streeete

send me an ask or message to be added to the taglist! i dont add from replies :)

#beomgyu #tommorow x together #txt #txt beomgyu #beomgyu x reader #choi beomgyu #kpop #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu smau #beomgyu x y/n #beomgyu fanfic #beomgyu fic #beomgyu ff #txt smau #txt socmed au #txt fic #txt fanfic #txt fluff #txt social media au #txt x reader

[demoiselettes]

OK I REALLY WANT THIS IDEA BUT IMAGINE JUST IMAGINE. Ok so Kyojuro, Giyuu and sabito with fem darling! BUT NOT JUST ANY FEM DARLING. A fem darling thats the complete oposite of them ( and they didnt really like them that much in the start. )

Pls do this idea i have absolutely no idea what to req but i do know i still want to read your works^ ^

- 🍙 anon.

Magnetic

Pairing(s): Kyojuro x reader, Giyuu x reader, Sabito x reader

Category: fluff

Warning(s)/note(s): gn! Reader

A/n: AWA THIS IS SO SWEET

Kyojuro Rengoku

•Rengoku is the definition of a sunshine: warm, bright, illuminating(not literally). He’s also considerate, kind and very, ah, understanding

•So to be his opposite you’d have to be rather distant and cold. And quick to anger as well, i suppose.

•And it’s not that Kyo doesn’t like people like you, it’s just that the both of you are on different wavelengths so many times it’s beginning to become infuriating

•Whenever he comes up with something, you’re countering with your opinions and he really loves people voicing out their thoughts but c’mon just let him have this one-

•So he takes to avoiding you. Rarely speaks to you. No eye contacts.

•But now something else’s wrong because he’s missing the little arguments you two used to have and he- just misses your attention

•The only person he can open up to about his feelings is Mitsuri and that’s exactly what he does

•And our darling love pillar positively gushes that HE’S IN LOVE

•Now, Kyojuro is stumped. Him??? In love???

•He thinks he’d know if he was in love but he doesn’t understand that he’s as dense as a—

•So, armed with advice from Mitsuri, he goes on his way to find you.

•It’s really not romantic. He’d envisioned an entire scenario in his mind of him gallantly approaching you and stuff but in reality you just snap your head up at him with a scowl

•And in his excitement and at the same time, nervousness, he blurts out his feelings for you and that he wishes to be..close to you

•And now you’re stumped because you hadn’t predicted a confession for today

•Noticing your unease(because he would), Kyo would probably back up and state that the both of you can take things slow and it’s totally fine if you don’t reciprocate his feelings, he just wishes to be friends. Really, he’s only dying a little on the inside

•But oh joy oh happiness you love him too! You do ask him to take things slow, however and he’s more than happy to agree

•You’re relationship is a fun one. Senjuro has the time of his life watching Kyojuro talk your ears off while you’re just patiently listening with the smallest amused smile on

•But it’s clear how much you love him. And how much he loves you

•Senjuro’ll never forget the day one of the slayers his aniki was training had the misfortune of insulting the flame pillar and the roasting which they got in return

•Kyojuro takes a little bit of time to understand that at times, you prefer silence and tranquility but when he does, he does his best to not talk too much

•That doesn’t last long because he’s always excited to share something with you. He’s so adorable you can’t even get mad at him

•He does respect your personal space though. He is an awfully affectionate man, but if you’re not a fan of hugs, that’s fine by him

Giyuu Tomioka

•To be Giyuu’s opposite, you’d have to be radiant, outgoing, approachable, talkative. You’d have to have friends

•In other words, you’d have to be like either Kyojuro or Mitsuri.

•Giyuu doesn’t exactly hate you. He just finds you the slightest bit annoying. In the beginning at least.

•Giyuu often has nothing he wishes to say outloud and tends to just blend into the crowd, observing

•And silence is so soothing to him. He doesn’t hate talking either, he just only likes to talk about necessary stuff

•So having you flutter around him like a butterfly talking and talking and just bouncing with energy can get quite..overwhelming

•And not knowing how to deal with it in any better way, he begins to steer clear of you

•This causes you a great deal of distress and you start to wonder if you did something wrong

•You didn’t, he just can’t handle stuff well. But you also begin to try and change to make him more comfortable

•He notices you being quiet all of a sudden, and refraining from patting his head or giving him hugs

•The entire day, he’s conflicted and he can’t even freaking tell it’s because he goddamn misses you. Well, he does get there. Eventually. Just at a later time

•He then realizes that he is touch + affection starved and that he misses you. dearly.

•So he approaches you awkwardly without prepping himself and proceeds to state at you

•And you stare back. because what else are supposed to do you don’t even know what’s going on???

•Finally he musters up enough courage to ask you if you’re okay and though you respond with yes he can tell it’s completely true

•He apologizes for his behavior out of nowhere, saying he shouldn’t have given you the cold shoulder. then he admits to missing you, albeit hesitantly

•And next thing he knows he’s being engulfed in a hug and life’s good

•Life gets even better when you tell him about the feelings you’ve harbored for him for a long time and to your surprise, be feels the same way!

•So now the two of you are a couple and my gosh you’re so cute

•You lift up all of Giyuu’s insecurities and doubt by simply exiting and Sabito and Tsutako are giving you thumbs-up from heaven

•You’re quite literally, a ray of sunlight in his life

•Even though Giyuu still doesn’t talk much, he listens to whatever you have to say and remembers the smallest details

•Like, say you’re telling him about something which you saw in a shop in Asakusa, there’s a high chance you’re gonna have it the next day even though you thought he wasn’t listening

•He soaks in your words, your laughter, your—

•Overall, in spite of Giyuu not being the most affectionate partner, you’re very precious to him and he doesn’t plan on making the same mistake he made that almost caused him to lose you. The real you.

Sabito

•So despite Sabito being sort of bold, he is very strict when it comes to discipline

•In his eyes, swordsmanship is an art that requires all your concentration, therefore if you aren’t close to him you might think he’s a bit like Giyuu. Except he’s louder

•He takes his job very seriously and as such i feel like to be his opposite you’d have to be slightly goofy, and airheaded maybe?

•Sabito has certain qualities which he deems as ‘unmanly’ and though he doesn’t hate others having them, he himself abstains from indulging them. He’s usually quiet when he’s not around Giyuu or Urokodaki and people find him to be rather unapproachable at first

•So if you’re someone who’s sort of a chatterbox and tends to get distracted easily, he’s not gonna like you very much. He’s gonna think you’re not taking the job very seriously

•So then he too steers clear of you. He doesn’t do it in a rude way he just kinda tries his best to not cross paths with you, and if he does then he’s not gonna say much

•So getting tired of his charades, you sort of drift towards someone else, someone who’ll match your personality: mitsuri. Can you tell she’s my favorite

•And now Sabito’s stuck in a vicious internal conflict bc he finds you annoying but he also finds himself missing you and your ramblings dammit

•So, after getting the final push from a Giyuu who’s very much tired of hearing Sabito talk about you, he’s gonna just walk up to you and straight up apologize about his behavior, legit just upfront

•If you forgive him, he’s not gonna confess right away. First because he’s internally sweating bullets cause he’s mega embarrassed but also because he wants to give you time to get comfortable with him

•When the confession does come, he’s extremely red despite the fact that he manages to get it out without a stammer and in a somewhat calm manner

•And now he’s a sucker for whatever you do. The ramblings that he used to find annoying are the ones he waits to listen to when you both spend time together

•Due to the fact that you get easily distracted, he’s gonna always remain on edge bc he’s scared you might end up hurt in battle

•So he’s fiercely protective ye

•The kakushis that work for him are standing at the back sweatdropping while watching you talk his ears off while he has this dopey smile on

•Trace the scar his has on his cheek. DO IT. he’ll melt

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #nanako’s blues #sabito #sabito x reader #tomioka giyuu #giyuu x reader #kyojuro rengoku #rengoku x reader

[minilpark]

Heyaa! First of all, thank you for keeping us fed w all the prompt and incorrect top guns 💗. But, could u maybe write one about Bob, being the thigh man he is, being mesmerized by a fellow Lt in the base gym who happens to be doing leg day. And he thought that she’s not as friendly due to her facial expressions in the gym, but later on found out that she’s an absolute sunshine when he hears her singing with Rooster in the Hard Deck. Sorry if this is too specific. Call sign could be loops bcs of her curly hair and the song could be I Say A Little Prayer, but anything else works as well 🥰 sorry if it’s a lot

okay i havent ever listened to the song until now but truly a pretty song and i would l o v e to hear rooster sing it ugh-

i think this prompt is so cute, but i won't specify a callsign just so its a bit more general other than that, i hope you enjoy

y/c/s - your callsign

y/f/n - your first name

y/l/n - your last name

as a lieutenant in the navy it's a given you have to stay pretty fit to do your job

and so today was leg day for you

typically you get up early for a workout, just so you don't run into too many people so you were out your door by 05:30

and you arrived at the (almost empty) gym not that much later

after doing a quick 30 minutes of warm up cardio and streching, you decided it was time to start working on legs

not that long after, bob arrived at the gym too

he's actually really disciplined when it comes to working out

today was arms for him and so after he warmed up he made his way over to the lat pull down machine

and from across the room, he saw you

you were at the seated leg press with your headphones on completely focused on your reps

honestly he found it really impressive that you were pressing the weight you were-

however your expression did intimidate him a bit...

granted he saw you around base often being that you two were both lieutenants and works in the same field

but he never interacted with you before besides the occasional hello while passing by

and he was less inclined than he usually is to do so because he 1. is shy and 2. you are just so,, intimidating and hot-

and he didn't mean for this to happen but while he was working out his eyes would just wander and he saw how muscular your thighs were and he blushed

he really didnt think he would be so attracted to legs, especially thighs but you proved him wrong

after about an hour, you decided you were done for the day and that it would be best to go run your errands, especially since you finally had an off day and time to do everything

bob kinda glanced over while doing his workouts and saw you make your way out, and after another hour, he left as well

later that evening, you and bob found yourselves drinking with some friends at the hard deck

funnily enough, you and bob do have some mutual friends

namely one of them being rooster

speak of the devil and he shall come-

"well if it isnt my lovely singing partner y/f/n 'y/c/s' y/l/n"

you smirk a little and look up from your drink at him

"and you are late mister bradshaw-"

"ah dont hold it against me, i lost track of time doing some work-"

bob seeing the banter you two have across the room almost leads him to believe that you both are in a relationship

but if you were, then rooster would've definitely said something about it

at this point bob is pulled out of his train of thought when he hears rooster playing some chords on the piano

but oddly enough its not "great balls of fire" for once

and so he's dragged over to a seat closer to the piano by phoenix

and you and rooster begin to sing "i say a little prayer"

and its like he's heard an angel

the harmony between you and rooster leaves most of the patrons in the bar speechless

especially bob himself

and the smile you have on your face while singing along feels so contagious

at this point he knows he has more than a small crush on you

when you and bradley eventually finish the song, he high fives you and begins the chords for everyone's favourite-

yep you guessed it, great balls of fire

and you just make your way back to the bar for a break and a little drink

before you even order though, bob gets pushed beside you by phoenix and he nervously takes a seat next to you

"u-um hey lieutenant y/l/n, you probably don't remember me but i'm-"

"oh hey bob how are you?"

he's so confused and speechless rn

"wait what, you know my name?"

"well, of course i do, i mean we're in the same department. i literally say hello to you every day- wait, do you not know my name?"

and he just shakes his head

"uh, no- well, yes i do!"

and you laugh a bit

"well, then there's no need to be so formal! just call me y/n or y/c/s!"

he just smiles and nods and you notice his ears are so red and its spreading to his cheeks

"so, anything you need bob?"

and he just perks up and remembers why he was even pushed over here

"oh, um, i was just wondering if i could buy you a drink?"

you just smile a little and lean in closer to him

"if i didn't know any better, i'd say you're trying to flirt with me, floyd" at which point his eyes widen a bit and no comprehenible words fall out of his mouth

he just clears his throat a little and rubs the back of his neck

"um, s-so would you like a beer?"

"that would be great, bob"

#i hope this does your idea justice #it was pretty fun to imagine this and write it down #top gun maverick #topgun #topgun maverick imagines #robert bob floyd #bradley rooster bradshaw #topgun asks #topgun maverick asks #topgun hc requests #topgun maverick hc requests #ask answered

[cardinaldante]

Greetings once again siblings! This is Cardinal Dante. Papa Terzo came to see me today. Mist let him in, and I was terrified that Papa Terzo would be angry, but he was happy to see her. He sat with me in the closet and told me he hadn't seen me at any mealtimes yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but I felt horrible that I was shirking on my duties and feeling guilty that I told him everything. I told him about what Saltarian had said and done, and I told him that I was flirting with a priest, and that Mist had been living with me since Friday or Saturday, and that I had been lying to them when I told them I didn't know of any other ghouls.

Papa Terzo listened like we were in confession, and when I finished, he asked about Jacob first, which was suprising. He asked if Jacob was nice, and I told him that Jacob was very sweet, although I had been trying to tell him I liked him for months now(since last year) and yet he didn't know I was hitting on him. Papa Terzo laughed and gave me a few tips on asking Jacob out, which made me feel a little better.

He then asked about Saltarian, but I told him I had no clue in what Saltarian was talking about, but I did know that I didnt want to be kicked out of the church. He quickly reassured me that wouldn't happen and if Papa Copia didn't, he would vouch for me, which made me feel even better about everything going on. I'd been struggling since Monday- I didn't know what I was going to do. To hear that Papa Terzo himself would help me made me feel much better about everything.

He told me I could keep Mist as my new personal ghoul to keep me out of trouble with Saltarian, and to stay away from him, since he was giving me so much trouble. She apparently had taken down Omega once. Mist looked way too proud when Papa Terzo said that. Papa Terzo asked if I could get back to my duties for now, and to pace myself. Next time something like this happened with any sibling, I was to tell him immediately, or let Mist deal with it. I agreed, and he smiled at me before ruffling up my hair, messing up my locs from the ponytail I'd left them in since my spiral on tuesday.

I mentioned this account, and Papa Terzo said I could continue running it, as apparently, we'd had three new siblings come to the church because of my post! Because of this account!! Papa Terzo told me I was doing a great job, got up, and paused at my doorway. He asked if I'd seen Papa Primo around- as he'd apparently been missing since Midnight Mass Sunday. I told him I hadn't seen him since I'd been in my room, and he just nodded and left. Phantom and Aurora entered right after he left and while they were a bit wary of mist, both were happy to see my again. Phantom asked if he was the reason I'd self-isolated, and I had to explain depression to the ghouls, which was odd, but both seemed to understand. They also warmed up to Mist quickly after I told them Mist was my guard now, and Mist was very happy to meet the new Ghouls to the ghost band.

Somehow, all this talking and everything turned into a sleepover in my room, so I quickly bolted to my office, spent an hour doing the small bits of work that'd piled up(which admittedly, wasn't alot) and headed back to watch a movie with all three ghouls. When I got there, Mist apparently had beaten both Phantom and Aurora in a rock paper scissors game to watch the little mermaid, and I managed to beat her so we could watch the new little mermaid, with the black mermaid. Mist hadn't seen it yet, so it was going to be a very good experience.

The movie is starting siblings, and I am very excited to be seeing it. Thank you for waiting patiently as I figured out my feelings, and for any one who wants to join the church, join us! The church always has room for more!!

#ghost band #roleplay #the band ghost #ghost bc #ask blog

[crowned-peony]

@potionpeddlerpatchy Thank you so much cinnamon roll for the support and being such an amazing and lovely friend. Im sorry it took so long and thank you for being so understanding!! I hope that you enjoy!!

It was a beautiful winter day, the sun was out and there was a nice breeze. A lovely day for a long dress and a sweater over it, along with those cute boots that you bought a few days ago. It was early enough that one one would be at the tea shop and meaning your favorite table that was by the window wouldn't be taken. You wondered what flowers would be in the vase today. You had been coming to the tea shop for the last few months and yet the calm and welcoming feeling of the place has yet to go away. You clearly remember the day you found this place and meet him, a memory you will always hold so close to your heart. It was a pretty average day, and you were on your way to work. The shop almost appeared out of nowhere, you don't remember it being there yesterday, or maybe you weren't paying that close attention. The beautiful flower beds by the window was what caught your eye and sparked the curiosity to investigate the place. You quietly walked in hoping not to cause too much of a disturbance to anyone inside. The minute you walked in you felt like the world was at peace. The music that filled the place wasn't too overwhelming. There was a light sweet smell of flowers and herbs that was so welcoming. There were flowers and herbs growing in pots and bundles of them drying all over the place. On the walls there were shelves that were filled with what you guessed were different dried mixtures. After a bit of looking around, you did notice that there wasn't anyone in the shop.

“Good morning” you called out

No response. 

“Is it alright to just sit anywhere?” 

Again no response. Shrugging you thought that they must be in the back. There was a table just by the window where you could see the flower bed in the front. It had a soft yellow tablecloth and a small handful of fully bloomed yellow roses. You made your way to the table and started to get out your laptop and other necessities to get to work. A quick email to your boss that you will be working from work today. There was little room for them to argue, being one of the top workers does have its perks when asking for things.

Hmm, well that's interesting there isn't a menu or anything. What an odd place.

Getting lost in your own bubble, working away, it took you by surprise when a hand placed some butter cookies and a cup of tea on your table. There was a small sunflower pattern on the tea cup and plate of cookies.

“Its chrysanthemum tea. Been said to help with relaxation and calmness.” A voice next to you said.

“Oh, im so sorry. I got lost in my work, happens a lot. Thank you for the tea and cookies. I tried calling out earlier but didnt want to be much of a bother”

You looked up and tried to keep calm. He was very handsome. His dark hair reminded you of a moonless night and his eyes sparkled from the sunlight, his smile was so warm and welcoming and you cant forget how his voice was just so soothing. 

“No need to apologize princesa, you just looked so focused on your work that i thought that you had a really stressful job” 

Giving him a warm smile you then took a sip of the tea. The flavor was light and very refreshing.

“I'm not sure how you did it but it was absolutely what i needed, thank you so much”

You spent the day with him. You took some breaks to talk to him. You learned that his name is Hanta Sero and that he has been saving up for the shop for a few years, he told you about the garden he had on the roof and how if there are plants he is unable to grow he gets them from local shops. You told him about your job and how at times it can be overwhelming and how you do feel underappreciated, you told him of the few hobbies you are able to squeeze in between your busy days. You really did enjoy his company, he gave his full attention when you talked and never made you feel uncomfortable. 

“I really hate for you to go love, but its getting late and wouldnt want you to get home any later”

“I wasnt even keeping track of the time honestly, i really am sorry if i kept you from working today”

“Querida, never apologize for that, i wouldnt think of another way i rather spend the day”

Once you got your things put away, he handed you a glittery yellow pouch. 

“A little gift for you to enjoy later, thank you again for keeping me company. I hope i can see you again soon.”

He placed a gentle kiss on the back of your hand before making his way to the back of the shop. You stood there frozen, your heart was beating fast and you felt your whole body warm up. You swore that you had met your soulmate today. Walking out of the shop you did feel a bit of sadness that you had to leave, you turned back hoping that you might get one last glance of him but what you did see was the sign on the door said closed. You remember that when you walked in the morning the sign was turned to open and after he gave you the tea and cookies never left the table. No wonder you both were able to spend the whole day alone. 

Once home the curiosity of what was in the pouch was too much. Opening it up you saw that it had some tea bags, cookies and a note.

I went ahead and gave you some more tea for you to be able to enjoy when you need it and the cookies were some extras that I made today. I hope that you like it. Also I’m not sure if its too forward but I like to see you again soon and I really enjoyed today. Here's my number. Hope you have a good night princesa. 

Hanta 

You couldn't help but smile and send him a quick thank you and goodnight with some heart emojis. For the next few weeks you would message and call him as often as you could throughout the day and even try working from the tea shop at least once a day. You both became closer and one day he asked you on your first date. Without giving it much thought you said yes. He said that he would plan it out. He took you to a local botanical garden where you both enjoyed a nice picnic enjoying all the flowers, the butterflies and even some artwork that was being displayed from a local artist. It was a perfect first date and the rest were the same. Just equally as lovely and romantic. It didn’t take him long to ask if you like to date him. He was outside of your work and held up a big sign and had a bouquet of your favorite flowers.Everyone around you stopped and congratulated you both after you said yes and whispers of ‘how cute’, ‘thats so sweet’, ‘which I found someone like them’. A beautiful start to a very lovely and wonderful relationship.

#Mar's valentine milestone♡ #Date your fave option #Thank you again for the support♡ #Enjoy my dear Patchy♡

[soggypotatoes]

hey, it's me again :) 🐦

I'm so glad you like getting the messages! this works out because I like sending them to you :) (plus we are both not especially timely with responses but our words are warm)

art therapy sounds amazing!! today I drew some colorful doodles and they made me happy so perhaps I made my own art therapy :)

and congrats on an art tag! it sounds great and all-purpose and just right for you, in my mind

your art made a big difference to me too, ed!! so keep making!!!

another poem :)

the iridescent pigeon was a blink of inspiration to craft a new creation just a little tiny smidgeon you painted me a mirror so encouragement was written fiery words for you to sit in now my art is that much clearer

~🐦

pigeon!! i can't believe u wrote another poem from this 😭😭😭 it's beautiful.. using the word smidgeon is genius, and i love your rhyming!! i feel so touched by this!!

i started another pigeon painting and kinda dropped it cause i was all, yknow.. who am i kidding, i dont know how to paint, i should like.. learn how to paint properly if im gonna make art, yknow? look some stuff up, learn how colour mixing and layering works, whatever. cause the pigeon i painted didnt quite work, and i stopped. but now it's like.. look at me an' pigeon anon, making little things and showing them to each other. fighting the expectations that have been built into us since childhood is a constant battle. i'm not gonna look up what other people say about how to make a painting worth making. i'll clean up a bit and keep working on that pigeon >:)

also so glad u made some colourful doodles, as you should!! colour is the best thing in the world

#your poem was so lovely #and so i shall keep creating. alas #ed mumbles #asks

[mothmanismyuncle]

modern au. geraskier, established relationship. just a little comfort for the bard boy after a miserable day at work.

xoxoxo!!!

❦

geralt looked up from his book when he heard the door click shut and his husband peel off a soaked jacket. shoes were kicked; a bag was dropped; still, jaskier said nothing.

usually, geralt starts hearing his husband’s car radio from the moment it enters their neighbourhood. the quiet is alarming, to say the least, so geralt turns his book over and lays it on the couch, putting his reading glasses on his head.

“jaskier?” he calls trotting into the laundry room, where jaskier is shucking off his sodden work uniform.

“hello, love,” he replies huskily. “it’s raining.”

“it is,” geralt agrees. he turns the dryer back on, peering at the load of towels bouncing around. “why don’t you take a nice shower? warm you up,”

“‘kay,” jaskier acquiesced, slinking into the bathroom. geralt frowned after him.

typically, getting jaskier to shower right after work takes some cajoling, several bribes on both sides, all that.

today, the water turns on without any music to cover the sound, and geralt hears jaskier snuffle to himself before a small, broken sound escapes.

he won’t walk in on his husband crying. he won’t embarrass him when he waited until the shower was on and put on a face for geralt in the laundry room.

that’s what geralt chanted to himself, anyway, while he heaped blankets up on the bed and jogged back into the kitchen.

he took a small container out of the cabinet and double checked the instructions. only a bit of water and a minute in the microwave, and jaskier would have a sweet treat waiting for him in the nest geralt was building.

he gathered some water bottles, a sandwich, and jaskier’s favourite of geralt’s tee shirts that geralt thankfully had to save from the hamper. jaskier didn’t have geralt’s nose, but he could still scent his husband and it tended to calm him down plenty.

til his dying breath, geralt would deny that he rolled around on the nest blankets to make it warm and smell like him, but it was the quickest way and without music or the promise of geralt joining him, jaskier could be done in moments.

when geralt was satisfied that the clean blankets smelled a little more like home, he went to get a warm towel out of the dryer and swaddle his husband up for a trip to the nest.

he found jaskier sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around his knees.

he couldnt say anything that didnt feel too trite, too simple, too shallow, for what that image made his heart do in his chest. he simply got undressed and sat down next to him.

“bad day,” jaskier breathed. geralt, with soft hands and a softer heart, took the spray from the wall and began to wash jaskier’s hair.

jaskier began to cry again, but this time quietly. jaskier hated it when he cried, hated how much he cried, so geralt merely began humming for him while he threaded his fingers through auburn locks to remove the soap.

“i’m an artist, aren’t i?” jaskier finally asked.

“of course,” geralt said, cupping jaskier’s cheek to get him to look him in the eye. “of course you are. one of the best i’ve ever known.”

“i… geralt, i’m working at a fast food joint. i’m getting sandwiches thrown at me by customers, i’m getting barked at by my boss. i haven’t composed in almost a week.”

“you don’t have to always be writing to be an artist,” geralt said, sitting back on his haunches. “am i a witcher?”

“of course,”

“right now? when i’m sitting in the shower with you?”

“… quit it,” jaskier replied, cottoning on to geralt’s meaning and pushing his little head into geralt’s chest.

“i’m a witcher when i wake, and when i go to sleep, and every second in between.”

“that’s different,” jaskier mumbled as best he could with the hot water pouring down the back of his neck. geralt only held him, rocking him back and forth ever so slightly.

“how?”

“being a witcher’s in your blood.”

“and your need to create isn’t?” geralt asked, looking down at his husband with faux surprise. “could have fooled me,”

“…… stop,” jaskier said, and geralt heard him fighting the smile.

“who told you to be an artist, then? was it roach?” jaskier’s shoulders shook a bit and he wormed closer to geralt. “come, love,”

geralt helped him stand and finish his shower, then gently towelled him off and wrapped him up tight, scooping him off his feet.

“you’d think i were a princess,” jaskier murmured sleepily, breath dancing along the column of geralt’s damp throat.

geralt only hummed, knowing the rumble in his chest would bring jaskier even closer to sleep.

“oh,” when geralt set jaskier on the bed and set to getting him into his sleep shirt, jaskier got a look at the nest.

a precious look of wonder captured his features and tears threatened to spill over once more.

“for me?” he asked, lip wobbling dangerously.

“i can… take back the princess cake?” geralt offered, as he was nearly about to hand the treat over.

“you made me a princess cake?” jaskier asked, voice breaking.

“you weren’t singing when you came home,” geralt supplied, still holding the microwave cake. “do you…?”

“yes, please,” jaskier sobbed, making grabby hands at both geralt and the cake. “i’m just overwhelmed-crying, not sad crying,” he said, curling into geralt’s side and allowing himself to be rocked. “oh, i’m ridiculous. my boss got waspish with me because i wasn’t fast enough during lunch rush. he wasn’t even mean! just… snappy.”

“i think you’re just exhausted, love,” geralt offered.

“i slept fine last night,” jaskier said with a mouth full of cake.

“no, not tired. exhausted. you spend all day worrying about burgers and fries, then you spend all evening being upset that you didnt spend all day composing.”

“you’re right,” jaskier said with a frown.

“maybe… maybe you should quit.” geralt said, peering down at jaskier cautiously. “i could stand a few more contracts a week.”

“geralt,” jaskier gasped. “no, we— you— i shouldn’t get to laze around all day while you risk life and limb—“

“look at me,” geralt tipped jaskier’s chin up and pressed a gentle kiss on his lips. “if you quit today and sleep for a week, but never, ever come home feeling like you did today ever again… i’d rather fight a wyvern every day.”

“no,” jaskier said, squirming under the intensity of geralt’s veracity.

“every day before lunch, even,” geralt added, trying to add a little levity. “jas, if you’re this miserable, i’ll do anything to make it better for you.”

“what if i call out tomorrow? we could sleep in.”

“i’d even make lambert call out for you.”

“lambert? what would he even say?”

“what does lambert ever say?”

together, laughing, they said, “fuck you, suck my dick!” and flipped each other off.

jaskier sniffed a little once the giggles died down and offered geralt a scoop of his princess cake.

“darling, i love you very much,” geralt said patiently with his mouth full, not willing to swallow the cake. “but this tastes like sawdust.”

“how do you know what sawdust tastes like, huh?” jaskier squawked, swatting at him.

“now that we have all night, let’s make a real cake, hm?”

“alright,” jaskier said, settling the cup on the night stand and pausing to look over his shoulder at his husband. “but we shouldnt let this lovely nest go to waste,”

“oh?” geralt hummed, raising an eyebrow.

“like you said,” jaskier smirked. “we have all night,”

❦

#geraskier #fluff and comfort #i had. an abominable day at work and *i* want a princess cake 🥺

[wearebackbagels]

The eyes of a familiar compound ghost

Paddy was floating in a black void. He looked at his arm and there it was, as it had always been for the last twenty years or so, the tattoo that had started it all. 

Suddenly he was back on that day in August,

 Paddy had met him at the wedding of Jock Lewis and his soon to be wife Mirren. He hadn’t wanted to go, truth be told but something had to change, he couldn’t just sulk in his apartment for the rest of his life, as David had put it, he had to get out into the real world. 

What his dear friend David Stirling didn’t know was that Paddy had tried, loads of times to “get back into the real world”, had tried meeting new people and even went on a few dates that ended in nothing but disappointment, nothing worked. Whenever that tingling feeling that told him “this one might be it”, started to creep into Paddy’s gut, the only thing he could see was that broad smile and those dark eyes with crows feet at the corners he had loved so much.

“You have to forget about Eoin” David had said one night when they were drinking together “you have to bury him in your head and move on”. As if it was that simple when your boyfriend of seven years dies in a fiery wreck on the side of the road that turned said boyfriend into dust. That fact had hit Paddy the hardest, that there was nothing left to bury, it left an uncertainty he couldnt quite place.

But now Paddy was on his way to Jocks and Mirrens wedding, because Lewis was a good man and Paddy couldn’t just not go no matter how much he’d rather stay at home and just go to bed early. 

...

It was warm outside for once, the summer had been unusually rainy but today it was really nice, good for Jock and Mirren with the wedding taking place outside. Paddy looked up at the swallows doing their acrobatics high up in the clear evening air and he let himself relax a bit, who knows this might be fun, he didnt really believe that but though.

...

At the wedding he saw a lot of familliar faces but just as many new ones. Paddy got into a few conversations here and there, mostly to be polite, but he had to begrudgingly admit to himself that it was actually quite nice to catch up with his old friends, some of which he hadnt met in years. 

Mirren, coming from france originally, had invited lots of people from the other side of the canal and there were conversations in both english and french taking place, somewhere in the lively buzzing of the croud Paddy could swear he heard a couple of german accents too. 

Paddy looked out over all the heads and hats and much to his delight, spotted his old collage friend Mike Sadler a couple of tables away. Mike was always fun to talk to and Paddy quickly waltzed over and struck up a conversation, eager to have SOMETHING to do. Mike was an entertaining person with a lot of ideas and keeping a conversation going was easy, Paddy also noted the curious glances his friend recieved from women and even a couple of men around them. This wasnt anything new, Mike was handsome, anyone could see that, and shaved, combed and dressed in a tuxedo as he was now he could easily fit on the front of any magazine. 

 ...

The ceremony took place on the gigantic lawn of the Barford estate and the color of choice( or maybe theme, Paddy didn’t know) was a sandy beige, the same color as the Barford mansion, a bit odd maybe but it gave everything a nice warm feeling and suited the newly wed couple and their overall style perfectly. There were round tables instead of rows of pews placed in front of the little stage where the lucky couple would be later that evening and placed on every table was a single red flower in a little vase.

...

 When the ceremony was over Paddy planned on having a few drinks with the other guests just to be polite, wish the newly weds their best luck then get a cab and head home to his warm bed.

He was sitting by the bar with a scotch and waited for the clock to turn nine, a time when it would hopefully be socially acceptable to ditch it and go home. Darkness had fallen over the grand estate but the warmth of the day still hung in the air. Paddy was just about to down the last of his drink and call it a day when he heard a voice to his right.

 “T.S Elliot huh?” surprised, Paddy turned his head to the unknown voice “Pardon?”

 “Was never a fan really” the man continued “i think im more of a Gertrude Stein type of guy” That was when Paddys brain caught up, the man was referring to his tattoo!

 It was an old tattoo, one of the first he ever got as a teenager and it read: “the eyes of a familiar compound ghost, both intimate and unidentifiable” in cursive black writing. Paddy had earlier during the evening rolled up the sleeves of his white button up and the tattoo was clearly visable against his right forearm. 

“So?” Paddy asked perhaps a bit more snarky than intended as he took in the man in front of him, tall, skinny, wearing tight black jeans that accentuated his long legs nicely and a white butten up much like himself.

 “You like poetry, if im not mistaken?” The man continued, he had a slight french accent Paddy noted, probably a friend of Mirrens then?

“No this is just something a cab driver once told when i was pissed and on my way home from the pub” Paddy answered sarcastically but it only earned him an amused huff from the other.

 “My name is Augustin Jordan” the man(Augustin) offered his hand “-and whom do i have the pleasure?” Paddy took the outstretched hand in his “Paddy Mayne” he said, still a bit unsure of where this conversation was going. 

 Paddy looked down at their hands, the man (Augustin he reminded himself) had really nice hands, that was for sure. Smooth skin, long and slender fingers almost like a womans and a delicate wrist that would probably look good pressed against the dark, polished wood of his headboard- no! 

Paddy violently pushed the thought away, he wasn’t here at Jocks wedding to get company for the night, he was here to get a few drinks and then head straight home and get to bed, that was it.

 ´But it HAD been a while since last time he had someone else to keep his bed warm´, an unhealpful little voice in the back of his mind piped up. It had been two years more precisely, a handjob behind a bar here and there, sure, but nothing more, not after Eoin.

 “You’re irish right?” Augustin let go of his hand and sat down on the barstool next to Paddy, this man clearly wasnt going to let him leave that easily  so paddy decided to have a bit of fun with the situation.

“And you are french” he stated matter of factly, in french, Augustin looked a bit surprised by this. “So the irishman can speak french huh?”he mused, obviously a bit impressed in french and leaned closer on his elbow, the language sounded nice coming from the man's lips.

 “Are you just going to state the obvious all night or are you actually going to say something interesting because if not then i have a cab that is waiting to take me home” 

 “The night is young still-” Augustin gave a mischievous look “-who knows what it might bring?” 

...

 The night went on and one conversation led to another, it was easy talking to  Augustin and for some reason it wasnt Eoin’s face Paddy saw when he looked into the bright blues of the mans eyes. The encounter gave ended in a wild night with the promise of many more to come and the realization that yes, those beautiful slender wrists actually did look dashing pinned against the dark wood of Paddys headboard, a nice contrast indeed.

...

 Paddy woke up to warm rays of gentle sunlight seeping in through the window and through his eyelids, why hadnt he closed the blinds last night, stupid. Still in the warm haze of sleep he tried to reach for the last remaining strands of his dream but it slipped between his fingers like smoke and was gone in an instant.

Stretching a little and turning away from the offending light he tried to sink back asleep again but soon found the task impossible, so with a huff Paddy gave up and slowly rose to a sitting position, careful not to wake his bedmate.  He looked at his wristwatch to check what time it was and saw his tattoo as he did so. “The eyes of a-” yeah yeah, Paddy already knew what the cursive black writing said, having memorised it by heart. It was his favourite line from T.S. Elliot’s “Little Gidding”.

 A detail from his dream came back to him, the tattoo had played a certain role in it had it not? But Paddy couldnt for the life of him remember what had transpired in his head that night. Well well, he sighed, if he couldnt remember then it probably wasnt too interesting to begin with.

 He looked out the window then at the contour of the sleeping body on his left, how had he gotten this lucky? 

 In the gentle morning sun Augustin looked almost etherial with the warm light catching on his lashes fanned out against his pale cheeks and curly, dark hair, making it shine like a halo of gold. He truly was a sight for sore eyes.

Of cours it wanst just the beauty of this man that had ended him up in Paddys bed on the night of Jock Lewis´ wedding almost a year ago, but rather his charm, his laughter that bubbled almost like a creek and most of all his overwhelming intelligence. Paddy had never met someone like Augustin before. High spirited and optimistic but not afraid to touch on the heavier subjects of life and oh so clever, he was intoxicating in the words rightful meaning. The thing that had drawn Paddy in most though was the slight cockyness of this man, too many people were unnecessarily polite and overly sweet but not Augustin. Not afraid to speak his mind and come with snarky remarks it was like the pinch of salt in a chocholate cake that instead of ruining the experience only emphasized and balanced the other flavours even more. Maybe i should try and write a wee bit about him, Paddy thought to himself ,after all, there is no shortage of things to wax poetically about .

 The soft rustling of sheets pulled Paddy out of his little bubble and he looked down to his left where Augustin, now more or less awake, screwed his eyes shut against the sun and wrinkled his nose with a groan. He yawned and stretched like a cat only to roll over on his front with his face buried in the pillow, making the bedsheets slide down and revealing pale shoulders adorned with a few birthmarks. Paddy smiled, god this man really did something to him. Slowly he leaned down to press a kiss to the exposed shoulder.

 “Morning~” he wispered against the warm skin. Augustin turned his head to the side, still with his eyes closed and grumbled a“morning” that earned him a snorted laugh from the other. “Sleep well?” Paddy asked as he trailed little pecks from the others shoulder all the way up to his forehead.

 “I had a funny dream” 

“Oh, do tell”

“I dreamt that you and I were in the SAS and Cooper and Essner and Grapes and all of them were there too” Augustin mumbled. Paddy threw a glance over at his boyfriends bedside table, there along with the round glasses, a book with the title “SAS: Rogue Heroes” lay opened with the cover up. He smiled. 

“That would have been somethin huh? You, a professor in philosophy, in the military, how would that work out?” Augustin opened his eyes and turned around on his back, making the bed dip slightly. Paddy took in the sight of his chest and felt a bit of sadistic pride in his own, it was mottled in angry purple hickeys and bitemarks, “not above the collar” was the policy. What would Augustin’s students say if he came to a lecture with his neck covered in hickeys, the thought was enticing but Paddy respected the boundry enough to keep his ministrations out of sight.

 “Who knows, maybe I’d be incredible at killing nazis.” Augustin looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully “maybe it was a memory from another life?” the last part said as if to himself.

Paddy hummed and absentmindedly let his hand smooth down the planes of Augustins chest, then his abs until it settled on his lower stomach, feeling the muscles move slightly under the cream-colored skin.

“Even if we were born in another time, do you think we would still find each other?” Augustin turned his head to look at Paddy. This type of conversation was an everyday occurence in their little household and Paddy loved every second of it.

“What is it that you are saying, do you really think you could hide from me just by jumping timelines?” Paddy chuckled and heaved himself up on his arms so that he towered over the other on the bed,.

Augustin gave one of the arms that caged him in a playful smack “Come on you know that’s not what I-” but before he could finish Paddy captured his lips in a deep kiss that made him let out a soft gasp.

When they finally parted, Paddy looked deep into the blue eyes of the man under him.

“My dear philosopher, you could live a thousand different lives in a thousand different places and I would still find you every single time” and he really felt like that, he would do anything for this intelligent, kind, beautiful and bratty man. Call it whatever you like, love? Fate? The result of being at the right place at the right time? Something else?

“And how would you find me hmm?” Augustin mused.

“As long as your beautiful eyes stay the same I will always be able to find you” Paddy gave him another peck on the lips.

“The eyes of a familiar compound ghost?”

“Yup”

Notes: my first ever fanfic posted! I wrote this bad boy in one sitting and it took me about nine hours. I have reread it like five times and tried to get rid of any typos but there will undoubtedly still be some hiding in there. I wanted to include a lot more of the SAS gang but in the end I accepted that this was going to be a Paddy x Augustin fic. It has been a while since I last wrote any fanfic at all and it probs show, the pacing is a bit odd in the beginning but I feel like it gets smoother as the fic goes on. I don’t have an account on AO3 so if anyone would like to copy this text and post it there I’d be thrilled. Just mention me somewhere and I’m happy. I wasn’t comfortable enough to try and actually translate any of the french because I felt like there were many places where the translation would have failed its original content. I will post this before I chicken out.

#im pretty proud of this #paddy mayne #augustin jordan #paddy x augustin #paddy x eoin #sas rogue heroes #fanfic #fanfiction

[iamhereforth1nspo]

i feel so misunderstood and hurt.

today i had an argument with my bfriend, which was very unnecessary and just made me feel very bad. i came home after work with some fresh bread to enjoy some food time with him. i love to do this, thats why i bring it often. he was busy with something not important while i was cooking, even though he has nothing to do at the moment.. but he was productive at 10 am for washing the dishes and showering, so i didnt tell him i want him nearby when i was cooking. even though i told him often already that i like when he accompanies me cooking. So the time rolls up, food is ready and we sit down to eat. 1 minute later his mom calls. i grab the phone while something in my mouth and answer. "Hewwo" "Ooh are you eating?... I just wanted to ask ..." alright, i give the phone to my bf and let them finish talking. i eat one bite. two. three and so on. i have finished, 15 minutes have passed and he is still talking. i wait for him at the table to finish his food too and i probably looked a bit sad. he says "something wrong?", i decline because its dumb that im kind of sad about not eating together. i know i could have waited with my food, but i was very hungry and i wanted to eat in my work-break that was 3 hours before my shift ended, so i was getting very hungry.

(i asked in the morning if we could have our breadtime and he said yes, but then he said he didnt want to anymore, as he ate his breakfast snack. he gets full quite easily so i said, ok then we do it after my work)

anyway, we sit there, stare at each other and he goes again "are you mad?"

i still decline. he goes again and i say "well it was a little bit uncool that you talked so long on the phone.."

"why do i have to squeeze this out of you again??"

(we just recently had a discussion about the bread time thing where i asked about bread time in the morning but he didnt reaally decline nor agree. Because i had asked 3 times without a no or a yes i thought it was happening. i even said "im looking forward to BT!!" still no no/yes. So as the day progresses i ask him what kind of bread he wants. then he types, "oh i just had my breakfast". i go "whaaaaat what about our food thing?"

"i didnt tell you yes explicatly so why did you take it that way." of course i was a little shocked so i might have reacted over the top. he likes to call this "drama" when something like this happens. we talk about the food thing in person and how i thinks he miscommunicated with me and that i was really really looking forward to it because i like it so much. he says that I miscommunicated in not explicitly asking what he wants and stufd like that. i was baffled because you dont have to be so strict with explicitly communication every single bit. he still stands his ground, that we both miscommunicated. but i think he just was too lazy to say he didnt want it today... i would have understood it better than "oh i already ate")

ANYWAY. So with this in mind i didnt want to get this kind of stressful discussion again, thats why he had to squeeze it out of me. I am always very exhausted after work because i have recently started and full time is taking its toll after basically having a break for 1 year (only household duties) i dont understand why he doesnt value our time together. Yes we do stuff together and i love it but it doesnt mean that there should be a limit on how much love should suffice. He said that because we had a movie night and we went to shop for bicycle gear,

(another short story.... after shopping with him, driving home i asked him to prep the cooking we had planned. while i go and shower and then cook the actual food.. but then went to his car because there was a little bit of oil leakage on the cat seat. he hadnt used the car in a while so the oil has been leaking for at least 2 days, but there only was a small patch. he writes his dad and writes his dad. dad says to act fast and wash it with warm water and soak it up with a cloth.. i really dont want to bother but i tell him, "plllls i am very hungry. can you prep a little?" and he prepped the chicken and i was grateful for that. i prepped the other stuff and cooked the rest and we would be ready for dinner.

so as he comes back, he says what should i do with the oil water? i say i dont know. he writes his dad. dinners ready. dad says, if you want to be a correct citizen you fill the oilwater-soapthing up in jars to dispose it correctly. i help him search for a good container to dispose it in.. it takes a long time and i wait while the food is done. he says "i want to do it properly!!!" well yes but i am exhausted and i helped you with it and i basically cooked dinner and it is 8 pm i want to eat, i have to sleep basically 2 hours after eating. is what i thought. he washes his hands looong and intensely. i was understanding of this situation and i didnt say anything towards it because it was an ok emergency and its fine.)

i shouldnt be mad about this now. we did enough together, you shouldnt create such a drama. but i just told him what i feel about the situation and it always turns a negative way. i am afraid to tell him what i think in such situations... when i feel undervalued or something... i wanted to explain my feelings but he kept going defensive, that we had a great time together yesterday and so on. yes we had but right now i feel like i am secondary or a chore to be around. it stings and hurts. we go back and forth a little but he holds his opinion that i should have told them to hurry up on the phone. But my problem with this was, how unnecessary the talk was. we see his mom in 2 days and stay there for the weekend. he talked about things just to chatter. and they have proposed the goodbye 5 times until there was another thing to talk about. i just felt not valued and not good. i dont know if its my fault. if i am really such a drama queen as he claims. i feel hurt, my heart feels cold and stings. i really just wanted to tell him my true feelings but it always escalates into a fight. this time (which is actually a great achievement for me) i didnt cry as we were discussing the whole thing. after it settled down a tiny bit i went to pee. he says as i walk: "yeah go cry yourself out and maybe we can talk normally" (while he is the one getting defensive!!) i really try and explain my feelings in a neutral matter. its unfair. today after some hours and after feeling shaky for a while i just went to bed to let it out. i cry in bed right now and i feel a little better, but still not understood. i feel very mistreated and like i am of secondary importance to his life. i dont know how i should tell him this without him getting bonkers again.

we usually get along reaaaally well. he appreciates me, i appreciate him, we love each other we laugh and we are happy. just sometimes i cant talk about my feelings and if i do they get trashed, and he wont help me soothe myself or admit his mistakes... and in times like this i really want to cry because its so unecessary and you feel bad, i feel bad, lets tackle it together instead of headbutting ouselves and work against each other... please.

just wanted to rant. :( i need this off my soul.

[infatuatedpup]

SIKE IM BACK BAYBEEEEEE !!

Back to my shinanigains!!!

S and I are talking again!!! We started talking like a few weeks after our fall out because my dumbass doesn’t know how to go no contact and messaged him a few days after my birthday. He didn’t apologize. I did and he said that we wanted to continue talking ..

Exciting part first! We ended up meeting up !! And he slept over (´･ω･`)!!! We went to a show and he spent the night. I originally was going to have him sleep on the floor but then I said fuck it , want to share my twin sized bed lmao . He said yes and we cuddled

>\\\> like idkkkkk it was really cold that night and he was super warm and it was nice. like he just wrapped his arm around my waist and cuddled me. we didnt do anything else or kiss or anything because im assuming he was tired. we didnt get home from the concert till like 2am and by the time we got in bed it was like 3am . i didnt make any moves on him. he didnt try to kiss me .. honestly i should have asked for a goodnight kiss AT LEAST. idk i was so shy to even think of that .. the next day I woke up before him and just was like 🧍🏽‍♀️ because I didn’t want to wake him up >.> when he did wake up we just chilled in my room .. We chatted a bit here and there but idk we didn’t really have any deep conversations. He was mostly on his phone , we did cuddle some more and I eventually made myself some coffee and asked him if he wanted any he said no. He later asked if I could make him a coffee and I said only if he said please .. and gave me a kiss. Which he did and we made out for a bit after that>.> then I made him his coffee. He eventually had to get going . He left and idk I just got so anxious. Thinking back maybe it’s because I felt like maybe I’d never see him again or I just wanted him to say more or idk . I spiraled and apologized profusely about if I make him uncomfortable and how I’m awkward. He didn’t reply until like 8pm saying that I’m ok and that I’m just overthinking things. And that I’m fine. Idk .. before he left I asked how he felt about me and he kinda avoided the question and idk he said that he wants to continue talking .. and then I asked him “ well do you like me?” And he replied “obviously “ but idk if he understood what I meant when I said liked?? Idk .. fast forward in February I asked him to be my valentine and he said yes. He started clinical about 2 weeks before so I know we wouldn’t be able to do anything together but I just asked .. bc yknow I want him to be mine. Idk on Valentine’s Day I called him to tell him happy Valentine’s Day real quick since he had been working.. and then last week he said he missed me 😵‍💫😵‍💫 idk I just said I missed him too bc idk how to respond to that.. like we haven’t really talked much since he started his clinicals for class.. I mean yea I’m sad we don’t talk much but I understand and give him space because I respect him. I do text him good morning and good night even if he doesn’t always respond to them.. idk

We talked on the phone today for a little and he was saying how he got braces and ofc I’m like “pics or it didn’t happen” and he’s like “ I’ll show you in person . I’ll pull up” and I’m like nah you won’t” and he said he would during his week break in 4 weeks and idk I don’t believe him but I really hope he does come over.. idk I’m touch starved ..

While we were talking today I realized I get really nervous and I blank out and realize idk what to say most of the time🧍🏽‍♀️ like I’m nervous I’ll say something wrong and scare him away or come off too intense .. idk I know how was tired today so I knew we were not going to be on the phone for long but I wish we could talk a bit longer.. maybe I’m asking for too much..

#me #crush #mallow speaks💕 #yearning #S

[fraener]

4/15/23

this week has been hard on me. ive been very anxious and even stayed home from school thursday because i was too scared to leave the house until the evening i went with hans and we worked in the garden. its nice to be touching the dirt again. i cant remember if i wrote in here that i joined the experimental music ensemble or not, but were meeting for the second time tonight. it felt good to do something new and be kind of bad at it. i realized in that moment that i really miss trying things and being bad at them. its been strange, i feel really scared in the mornings and then i feel ok by the evening usually, a little scared again when im going to bed. my anxiety and ocd are evolving in new and interesting ways. it sort of feels like when a zit is surfacing or something, everything feels like its coming to a head and everything thats building up pressure under the surface is going to come flowing out and then ill be ok again. im looking at my healing and hurting cycles like breathing....a big inhale of horrible painful scary events and then i hold my breath for a little bit and then a biiiiiig exhale every few years. my lower and middle back have been hurting, and i think im having some dampness/spleen stagnation thats making it overact on my kindeys. ive definitely been stressing out and have had a really hard time getting out of the cycles and into the ifs lobby/core self. but other than my anxiety things have been really good. i fall a little more in love with hans every day which is really nice, and even though we had some conflict recently we both handled it so reasonably that it didnt even make a bump in the road for more than a couple of hours. its still been hard to eat but no so much because im scared of getting sick as its just hard to find fresh food in the grocery store. the produce is really bad right now and so im really looking forward to the coming weeks where ill be able to eat things that arent canned or bread or dairy anymore. i finally got some eggs so im really happy with that. i kinda think i might have to just move back to seattle after all when school ends. the artist trust is really promising for grants and such and i really really really miss home. im going to be penpals with stefan i think, they said yes so im excited about it. i started crying really hard because it felt like an avenue back into feeling like myself and feeling like home. theres this shimmering warm light like from one of those big windows in the animation room that i keep feeling when i feel like i can return....i get the same feeling from that first spring in this apartment. like the world is so big and warm and bright. like theres something right outside of my little stormcloud i cant seem to get out from underneath. i think i want to travel lots and go to grad school somewhere really interesting but i also really want to come home, germs and loud noises and high prices and all. but today i feel ok. today stefan said yes to being penpals with me, today i stumbled across the blog of someone who loves food and loves to cook beautiful things who lives right across the street in the martin in one of the apartments facing the olympian. today im going to call my grandma and karen and go do some more earth prepping and go to the herb store and go to my choir practice. today i might clean or meditate or go for a walk, i might try and make something out of clay, i might write a letter, i might cry some more. today is full of just as much good possibility as bad possibility. actually i think more good than bad. my outlook has been so damaged and changed in so many ways i just want everything to get flipped right side up again. i think if i could see the world a little different like i used to id feel so much better. i dont need to make a beautiful life up, i need to see how good life is right now and lean into it as hard as possible. what max said about life being a competition for who is having the most fun is right. i should be trying to win.