#do i just constantly update about my day like there is no flow or it feels artificial like i have to try superrrrrr hard to keep a convo

[aurazoo]

turns out having all your friends abandon you and be mean to you after coming out uh.... takes a while to get over......

#i feel like i am bad at friendships that dont require near daily in person interaction and i reallllllly dont wanna ba #i feel kinda afraid that im annoying which like #maybe i am a bit and i know that shouldnt stop me and its okay to be a little annoying or weird when trying to start a new friendship #idk please g-d dont let me fall down an isolationist pit x.x #i dont think i will but like #and texting is soooooo hard like #do i just constantly update about my day like there is no flow or it feels artificial like i have to try superrrrrr hard to keep a convo #but irl i can go for hours and hours and hours #problem number two is that i am absolutely reallllllly bad at asking people to hang out my brain is always like #if they wanna hang theyll ask and like maybe sometimes!! but i wanna hang and im not asking so whats up!!!! #anyway sorry long rant with no resolution

[moonseonghwa]

Rewind - Choi San

You and San had always been close, and when you joined him to his usual friday night parties, your view of your best friend seemed to have changed more than you’d like.

word count: 3k

warnings: bestfriend!san, unprotected sex (boooo), hickeys, choking (slightly), creampie

a/n: i’ve been sooooo busy but i’ll update cruel summer in a few days! also not proofread so excuse my mistakes

ateez masterlist

Your detectable boredom hung in the air around you, cutting through the intense smell of liquors and marijuana. Three things you wish were easier to ignore. You were standing in the corner, with a red-colored cup in your left hand as you debated on just leaving right now. Your friend was here, somewhere in the huge house, and you were waiting for him to finish whatever he was doing just so you could finally go home. 

Honestly, you were never one to enjoy parties, always declining politely and saying you had other things to do. You didn’t mind telling your best friend ‘no’ over and over again whenever he begged you to come with him. Which explains the surprised face this morning when you told him you’d join today. 

You were here because you heard Mingi would come. A person you’ve been eyeing for a long time, but never had the confidence to talk to. These sorts of parties make those kinds of things much easier. The conversation will flow, and alcohol courage will keep it going. You thought you would see him tonight, but he never showed up, which explains your wish to leave. And to be very honest you wouldn’t stay here any longer even if he did show up. 

You finally noticed San, your best friend, on the dance floor, his hands wrapped around a random girl’s waist as she was saying something in his ear. He was laughing, making you roll your eyes. It wasn’t anything new to you. He has taken multiple girls to your shared apartment, resulting you in sleeping with earphones every time he did because of the clear moans resonating through the thin walls. 

He was for sure making them feel good though, and sometimes, you would think about wanting to be in their place for once, before shrugging away that thought immediately. He was your best friend, and roommate, so there were boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed.

You watched him for another moment before deciding to leave, not wanting to go back home with him and the plus-one whose voice would be heard the rest of the night. 

San, on the contrary, was constantly thinking about you. He knew about your little crush and figured you were somewhere too lost in Mingi’s kisses to come and talk to him. He was excited to hear you were coming to the party, finally joining him in what felt like ages, but when he heard Mingi was coming, he got the message and left you alone for the night. 

However, when he noticed your dress in the corner of his eyes, he followed your form to the entrance, immediately breaking away from the girl as he followed you. He pushed the bodies in front of him out of the way, trying to keep up with you and your fast tempo. 

‘’Where are you going?’’ He yelled after you when he caught up to you outside, making you turn around, surprised to see him jogging towards you. 

‘’I thought you were leaving with that girl, so I was heading back already’’ You said, planting your hands in the pockets of the leather jacket you borrowed from San, the jacket he thinks is way too big on you. He just can’t deny how good it looks on you, his clothes, claiming you as his in some way. 

‘’I wouldn’t leave with someone else when I took you to this party, I thought you were with Mingi’’ He said, starting to walk towards the direction of your shared apartment, making speed up to walk with him. 

‘’Didn’t show up’’ 

‘’You’re too good for him anyway’’ He muttered, clear enough for you to hear as you let out a chuckle. 

‘’You seemed to be enjoying yourself out there’’ You said, changing the subject so he wouldn’t make your heart flutter like that again. 

Because he looked absolutely gorgeous right now, the light sweater accentuating his toned shoulders while his hair fell loosely on his forehead, a smirk plastered on his face at your comment. The dimly lit streetlights illuminating his face. His steps matched yours, while he subconsciously made them smaller so he would be at the same pace as you. 

‘’She wasn’t interesting’’ He simply said, running a hand through his hair as he looked at the road in front of him. The sound of your steps on the concrete could be heard on the quiet road, and you couldn’t help but feel a little proud of yourself that you were the one San was taking home at the end of the day. 

You just hummed, closing your jacket a bit more at the night breeze, before he threw his arm around you, his body warmth warming you up more. Your heart tightened, a reaction you didn’t see coming at the small move he has done multiple times before. 

You continued the comfortable silent walk until you were in front of your door, entering the code as you felt San’s body dangerously close to yours, his hand ghosting your side. When you got inside, you immediately made a beeline for the couch, dropping your exhausted body on it as San chuckled at you. 

‘’Let’s go to sleep’’ He grabbed your arm, lifting you from the couch easily as your body crashed against his, his hand on your waist supporting you before guiding you towards his room. You kept walking to your own room though, but the hand on your wrist stopped you. ‘’Stay with me’’ He said, making your eyes widen. 

‘’Why?’’ 

‘’You sleep in my bed most of the time, why not today?’’

Because I want to kiss you so bad, it’s killing me.

‘’Because I just want to watch my drama a bit more’’ You lied through your teeth, not daring to tell him the actual reason. Because you don’t trust yourself right now with the drinks you’ve had tonight. 

‘’Just stay with me tonight’’ He almost begged, making your insides twist at the thought of sharing a bed with him right now. 

You don’t know what switched inside you tonight, but you were constantly thinking about San, a problem you usually never have. You thought it could be the way none of the men inside the frat house interested you, thinking about how much better San would be at something, or how San wouldn’t make you uncomfortable when he touches your sides when the other guys did. 

The interior of his room reflected his personality. Black and white themed, not too much but still detailed with the paintings he hung on his wall. He was neat, neater than any boy of your age that you’ve seen the rooms of. 

Before you knew it, you were in his bed, wearing his t-shirt as he stayed a fair distance away from you, but not far enough to keep the countless thoughts about him out of your mind, and if it wasn’t for your tiredness, you wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep this quickly. 

That tiredness slipped away when you woke up a few moments later. San’s hand was wrapped around your waist, splayed out on your bare stomach while his crotch pressed against your ass. His mouth was so close to your ear that you could feel his pillowy lips against the side of your neck. You had to bite back a whimper when he pulled you closer, the friction making you realize just how turned on you were by the feeling of his hands on you. 

It was bad, you knew it, so you tried to fall back asleep. You shifted, trying to get out of his tight grip as he only pulled you closer, a groan leaving his mouth which went straight to your core. It took a couple more minutes of shifting before you felt yourself growing more and more frustrated. 

‘’Sannie’’ You whispered, looking back to see his eyes flutter open.

‘’What’s wrong?’’ His raspy voice spoke, lips so close to yours, you could feel his breathing against them. 

‘’You’re too close’’ You said, voice weak and shaky. 

‘’Hmm? You don’t want me close?’’ He teased, his hand rubbing your stomach softly. 

‘’I do, but it’s dangerous’’ 

‘’And what if that’s exactly what I’m looking for’’ He said, moving his body which resulted in him  hovering over you as he moved your hair out of your face. You didn’t dare to say anything, afraid of what might come out of your mouth. ‘’Tell me,’’ His head moved to your neck, placing his lips against your collarbone, ‘’You really want me to stop?’’ he placed another kiss, making your breath hitch as you struggled to keep yourself from moaning. 

‘’Cat’s got your tongue?’’ He chuckled, a side of San you’ve never experienced showing. His own cat-like eyes look at you with that gaze you recognize. As if he’s telling you he’s got you right where he wants you to be. 

‘’I’m going to get some water’’ You said, shoving yourself out of his grip before stumbling towards the door. You didn’t know why you wanted to get away, but you were so scared of finally showing yourself to San. The confidence you always had slipping away when he was so close to kissing you. You filled your glass with cold water before gulping it all away in one go. Your hands leaned against the counter, contemplating what you were going to do now. 

The door of San’s room opened, revealing him as he walked towards you with his sweatpants hanging low on his hips, exposing his extremely well-toned torso clad in his workout compression shirt. There was a smirk on his face as he approached you. He grabbed your glass before filling it up with water himself and taking a small sip. 

‘’You good?’’ He asked, trying not to smile at your flushed red face. You were trying to play it cool, looking at him with those eyes of yours, but he noticed your foot tapping on the ground, indicating how nervous you seemed to be. 

‘’Fine’’ You hated how weak your voice sounded. 

He laughed, placing the glass on the counter. ‘’Why are you nervous?’’ His voice was still raspy. He moved a bit closer, feeling his body heat against your skin as he leaned towards your ear, ‘’Do I make you nervous?’’ He asked. 

‘’You do’’ You said before doing something you will probably regret tomorrow, but those worries were for tomorrow only. 

You crashed your lips on his, catching him off guard as he smiled in the kiss. His hands pulled your hips closer to his, making you groan as he sucked on your lower lip before entering his tongue in your mouth. You felt every part of your body on fire, something you haven’t felt in such a long time. 

Your hands were tangled in his hair, pulling it back, eliciting a deep grunt from him. His hands went to the back of your thighs, lifting you up to sit on the counter as he went between them, kissing you like there was no tomorrow. Your hands wrapped around the back of his neck, so lost in the feeling of his lips on yours. He was slow with you, fingers rubbing your thigh and leaving the skin burning with pleasure.

He took you in his arms, walking you to his room again as he dropped you back on the bed, your legs wrapping around his waist. He sat back, pulling off his shirt as you did the same with yours, revealing a dark purple lace bralette. His favorite color. 

‘’Did you wear this one for me, hm?’’ He teased, placing his lips underneath your ear, making you sigh in pleasure as you nodded, not daring to tell him you were thinking about him when you bought it.

He kissed you again, his hand around your waist making you arch your back against his torso, feeling his way bigger body against you as it caged you between him and the soft mattress.

He had imagined this before, whenever he brought a girl over, he would think about the sounds you would make if you were in her position and the way your soft skin would feel against his.

‘’You’re so hot, can’t believe we didn’t do this earlier’’ He muttered, breaking away from the kiss as he kissed the top of your breasts while fumbling with the edge of your panties, your breath coming out staggered by his movements. ‘’Always imagined it’s you whenever I bring a girl over’’

Now that was a comment you didn’t expect, and one that made your panties ever wetter in just a few seconds. 

‘’Please just fuck me already’’ You whined, growing needy and just wanting to feel him deep inside you. He tutted at you, his hand moving away from your panties. 

‘’We’re going to do this my way, and I’m going to take my time’’ He said, ‘’Want to see all of you’’ He added, kissing down the valley of your breasts and opening your legs with his knee. 

You bit your lip, his lips coming close to where you needed them the most. You looked down at the view, his head between your thighs, a view you would probably never forget. 

San felt the same way, feeling your soft skin under his fingertips, your small breaths and whimpers music to his ears as he teased you slowly because he never wanted this moment to end. It felt like a dream. His lips went back to your stomach, kissing their way up to your lips again. 

‘’Can I take these off?’’ He whispered, pulling your panties down when you nodded, exposing yourself to him. His hands then went to your waist, lifting you up as his fingers undid the clip of your bra. 

He gawked at you, making you hide your body with your arms as his hands grabbed your wrists. ‘’Don’t hide’’ He pushed you back down against the bed, this time pulling off his own trousers and boxers, leaving him naked in front of you as he smiled at you, making butterflies erupt in your stomach. 

‘’Do you want to do this? 

‘’Yes’’ You whined, high on the feeling of what was about to happen. 

San entered two fingers, making you throw your head back in delight. Your hand came up next to your head as you held onto the pillow tightly, pleasure erupting in your body as he held your hips in place with his other hand. His fingers went up to your clit, rubbing it slowly as you moaned his name over and over. 

‘’Please San, I need you inside’’ You said, pulling him towards you for a kiss as he smiled at your needy state. 

‘’Yeah, need my dick?’’ He said in a cocky tone, wanting to see you beg for it. 

‘’Yeah- need it now, please’’ You said, the feeling of his fingers driving you near the edge. 

“Condom?” He asked, looking into your eyes.

“I’m on birth control” You assured.

However San didn’t tell you that you were the only one he asked, but because it was you, he couldn’t help but want to feel you. All of you.

His hand went around your throat, holding it softly while he locked his eyes with yours, his fingers leaving you as you felt his tip enter you. He pressed a bit harder on the sides of your throat, making you moan out of bliss as you felt his hips meet yours. 

‘’So good, baby, all mine’’ He whimpered at the pleasure, slowly pulling out, then pushing in with the same speed. You felt the drag of his cock inside your walls, feeling every vein and rolling your eyes back when he pulled out again. 

He kept the slow pace, fucking you deeper every time. His hands were all over your body, gentle touches keeping you close to him. You were seeing stars, lost in the pleasure and his lips on the side of your neck. 

‘’Mingi could never fuck you like this’’ He said, sucking and creating marks to show off to others that you were his now. ‘’Hm? Would he fuck you better?’’

‘’No, he can’t’’ He sped up at your answer. His hand went to your clit, rubbing circles, getting you closer and closer to your high. Your nails were digging into his neck, his hand placed on your hip, holding you in place as his hips snapped deeper inside of you. His groans went straight in your ear, his deep raspy voice like music. He grabbed your leg, hoisting it over his shoulder as the angle made you see stars.

‘’Gonna- ah’’ You mumbled, not able to form a proper sentence. ‘’Gonna cum’’ You moaned, watching the way he slid inside you easily as you threw your head back, the high taking over. Your brows were knitted together as you came, making it hard for him to last any longer. 

‘’Good girl’’ He praised, stroking your sweaty hair out of your face as he pounded deeper inside of you. ‘’Where do you want me to cum?’’ 

‘’Inside, please, fill me up San’’ You stammered. ‘’Need it, need it so bad’’

He stilled inside you at your words, before releasing his load deep inside you, groaning as his head was buried in the crook of your neck. You stayed like that with him for a while, until he pulled out, kissing your cheek softly.

‘’Are you okay?’’ He asked, making you nod with a smile.

He got up, threw on sweatpants as you closed your eyes, still in bliss, before you felt a wet cloth between your legs, San cleaning you up before handing you his shirt. He dropped beside you, pulling you to his chest. 

‘’We should do this more often’’ You chuckled, making him smile against the top of your head. 

‘’Like a regular thing?’’ 

‘’I mean, if you want to?’’ You mumbled, suggesting friends with benefits with San was something you never thought you would do. 

‘’I definitely want to’’ He chuckled, lifting your head and placing a kiss on your lips before you snuggled a bit closer. 

#choi san #choi san smut #san smut #san imagine #san fluff #ateez san #ateez fanfic #ateez x reader #ateez smut #ateez fluff #ateez #choi san fluff #san x reader #san fanfic

[paper-mario-wiki]

hi, i'm not the person who asked you about the life update, but could you elaborate on how being a creator means to live in a world of ideas instead of the real world? i'm just really curious about your reasons for quitting, specially because i want to create things in the future (not necessarily streaming, but anyways), hope you have a good day!

i'll be talking mostly about streaming for the sake of this answer, but this is similarly applicable across a wide range of platforms:

the job of the streamer is, effectively, to be the life of the party every single day. your goal is to be the person that has something interesting to talk about, and is quick with a joke, and has nuanced understandings of certain things, without actually obtaining any sort of "expertise" in anything lest you alienate viewers. short of having a stated goal for a stream, the only goal of the streamer is to let people relax with a voice they enjoy, saying things they like hearing. you can become very strong in different aspects of streaming, like in the production, or as someone who focuses more on a skill they've honed like art or speedrunning, but the demographic of streamers which pulls, by far, the most significant viewership, is personality based streamers.

this becomes more complicated when, for example, you are very interactive with chat, or you stream with multiple people at once. now, to maintain this charismatic sway you have (the one that got you the job in the first place), you must be able to adapt to and bounce off of other people, as you are now no longer performing alone. naturally, there's a need to not only manage your own flow of consciousness, but also to be at least partially in sync with someone else's.

beyond these complications, you must also consider drawing in new viewership. when i was a streamer, i was quite successful, relatively speaking. pulling 300 viewers consistently is something a very slim amount of streamers can actually do, and even then i was still making under 50k a year, which is not bad, but also not good. in paying for my apartment, my insurance, my travel fare, and all the other stuff that living independently draws money out of you with, i was more often in the red than i was in the green. hence, the need to draw in new viewers, which cannot be done without something eye-catching.

think about this: there are, at any given time, TENS OF THOUSANDS of streamers live in your native language on twitch, and they are all FREE TO WATCH. the attention market is sparse because the streamer market is oversaturated. and considering all of THEM want new viewers too, everyone is constantly refining and improving their craft, which requires everyone to move creatively in tandem with each other lest they get left behind.

if you are a streamer making ass-dollars and ass-cents, it becomes easy to begin resenting people like jerma, solely because everything he touches seems to turn to gold. i personally found it easy to feel very disappointed in myself when peoples projects that seemed so simple would take off. it was a constant "why didn't i think of that!" situation, at least for me. and when you don't have the energy to keep that up, or the social stamina necessary to figure that all out while also being upbeat and happy in front of people near daily, it can become very draining.

what i mean specifically when i say the "world of ideas", is like. there would be times where i could schedule out my failures weeks in advance. i'd be so in my own head about the process, i could see the exact path i could see myself taking that would lead me directly to ruin. how playing games i actually enjoyed would steadily drop viewership, or how focusing on my studies would make people forget about me. and of course this is augmented by my anxiety, i know this is absolutely not the case for every streamer, but that overwhelming feeling of needing to find a new game to play, or a new gimmick to use, or a new ploy to get money that doesn't make you feel guilty even though your source of income is mostly queer and mostly poor young adults and your rent is coming up and you're $200 short but you also just had a fundraiser last month about a DIFFERENT emergency but you cant make it a bummer or else people wont want to tune in so you have to make it something fun like "you laugh you lose!" or "$1 art request streams!" while feeling nothing but anxiety while youre trying to sound like youre enjoying yourself even when youre asking 250 people to donate every 30 minutes or so and nobody seems to want to and chat is moving slowly and. and and.

well, it starts to eat away at you.

#anon

[belovedmusings]

Poppy red.

Choso Kamo x You x Suguru Geto

Explicit Themes (🚫Minors DNI🚫)

Part six of the 'Two + One' story. Click for story masterlist.

Guitarist! Choso Kamo is your boyfriend, and today, after having gone no-contact with his bandmate, Suguru, for a month, you have him over at your house while Choso is visiting his brother. The two of you need to discuss your relationship...and hopefully exhibit much-needed self-control.

Relevant tags: sexual tension, thoughts of infidelity, characters with questionable morals, Suguru is hot, but so is Choso, slow burn, no "y/n" for immersion, 2nd POV, reader has no defining characteristics, explicit smut, missionary, oral sex (fem receiving)

Recommended songs to listen to while reading: HENTAI (Rosalía), Animal I Have Become (Three Days Grace)

A/N: Life has still been busy but I still am so in love with this story so I'll continue to update!! Here's a rather spicy chapter, enjoy :)

Read below cut:

The two of you take either side of the couch in the living room once you’re inside with the groceries all put away. 

Suguru had been watching television while you restocked the fridge and pantry, so once you join him, he faces you properly, beginning to speak.

“I want you in my life,” Suguru tells you right off the bat, seeming to want to avoid wasting time, “And before I…tell you how I really feel, I need you to know that I don’t want to take you away from Choso. I understand that you two are happy and I have no ill-feelings towards him.”

You nod, waiting for him to continue.

“That being said,” Suguru looks you deeply in the eyes. “I…what I feel for you isn’t like anything I’ve felt for anyone else. You’re constantly on my mind and I…I just want to be near you all the time. I want to hold you and…kiss you. Since I want to be completely blunt, I…I want more than that, too. I’m physically attracted to you, but also, I…I can picture us together.”

Hearing it out loud is a crazy experience, but Suguru is being open and honest with you. You want to meet him halfway. 

“I feel the same way, but I haven’t lost any feelings I have for Choso. It’s very confusing.”

“That’s another thing—I don’t want to hurt Choso. I really like him, and I’d never want to betray his trust.”

You sigh, looking down at your hands, which have begun fiddling with each other in your lap. Then, in one fluid motion, you feel Suguru move closer, his hand covering both of yours. 

“I…I don’t know how to move forward from here,” Suguru confesses as your eyes meet, your heart fluttering in your chest. “But I can’t say ‘goodbye’ to you.”

”Look…um, I just think it’s a good idea if we only see each other when he’s around,” you tell him, his palm warm over your skin. Your eyes are fixated on the sight. “We…can’t control ourselves when we’re alone together.’

Suguru sighs heavily beside you, giving your hands a small little pulse, his thumb gently running in small strokes. It makes you nervous, filling you with a pulsating warmth that ebbs and flows in rhythm with his touches. 

“See?” You say, “Even this…this is intimacy we shouldn’t be sharing. We wouldn’t do this with Choso around.”

He looks into your eyes, nodding minutely. “That’s true. I know what you’re saying is true. I just…have this urge to not keep my hands off of you. If you were my girlfriend…should you want it…I’d have trouble staying off of you.”

You suck in a slow, deep breath. “When you say things like that…”

“I know,” he shakes his head, “I know, I do. Just…why couldn’t I have found you first?”

“Suguru,” you look away, pulling your hand out of his. “I shouldn’t be entertaining you like this, but I just…there’s something about you that I just…”

“Why haven’t you told him about what we’ve done so far?” He asks suddenly, causing you to look at him again. Your lips part for a second in thought before the honest words come pouring out.

“I don’t want to hurt him,” you say, “He has a tough exterior but he’s incredibly soft and vulnerable on the inside. If I told him…it would…grow. Like a weed. Even if I assured him it was nothing to worry about, it’d be there in the back of his mind. It would make him see you differently too, and it might ruin the band. I can’t do that, Suguru.”

“So, your plan is to never tell him how you feel about me?”

“How can I?” You stand up, gesticulating as you speak, “Suguru, I can’t tell my boyfriend, ‘I think I have feelings for your bandmate even though I’m still every bit as in love with you as I was when we first got together.’ If he did that to me, I would be devastated.”

Suguru frowns. “But the longer this goes on…the worse the lie.”

“I can’t hurt him.”

“So tell him the truth. Tell him how you feel about me, but that you have no plans of ever leaving him.”

“Then what? Then he leaves the band and hates you?” You ask, the idea absurd to you.

“Then I talk to him, too,” Suguru says, “I tell him how I feel, and that I have no plans of taking you away.”

“You tried to kiss me the last time we were alone together.”

“I know,” He says, “but maybe if it’s out in the open…”

“He won’t want me ever near you again,” You protest, “it’s better if this stays a secret.”

“I don’t like secrets,” Suguru shakes his head. “What if I dropped hints? Let him figure out that I have feelings for you? And we’ll see what he does.”

“What good would that do?”

“Then he could control the situation. Would that make you feel better?”

If Choso was the one who picked up on it, he could approach you first, and then you could get a read for how he feels about it based off of the way he broaches the subject with you. 

You take a breath before nodding. “Yeah…it would.”

“Okay,” Suguru nods. “Then we’ll do that. It’s going to be okay.”

Your heart throbs painfully in your chest, and suddenly those words of comfort have a lump growing in your throat. Why? Do you like Suguru that much? Is it really having such a great effect on you?

His palm touches your cheek, and you look up at him to see his golden eyes staring into yours. His voice is soft as he says, “tell me how I make you feel.”

There’s a flutter in your chest and you breathe out shakily. “I…I feel a pull. You’re always on my mind, and your music is all I play. When I’m with you, I just…I want to do every bad thing in the book with you. I want to know how you kiss, how it feels, how you…”

Your words trail off as you realize how insane it sounds out loud. Still, he presses on. 

“How I taste?” He fills in for you, deep voice low and syrupy, just above a whisper. It robs your own voice from you. You nod your affirmation.

His hand soothes your hair back. “What else?”

You inhale slowly to try and gain miniscule composure. “How you’d hold me…what it would be like if we were together…the sort of things we’d say, how we’d act, if we could just be a couple…”

“You like me bad,” he teases you lightly, and it commands a hot flush to your face.

“Don’t…”

“I’m right there with you,” he murmurs, pressing his forehead against yours. “I want to wake up next to you, to see you wearing my clothes, to make meals for you, to go out with you and spoil you…I want to make you happy.”

Your eyes close, and he takes the opportunity to ghost his lips over yours, the metal of his lip rings prompting a hitch in your breath. You begin to pull away, but he chases you, tilting slightly to plant a kiss to your cheek instead. You meet his eyes, and his own hold such an intimate gaze within them that you feel it sear through a layer in your heart. He keeps going; his lips meet the skin of your jaw, hands holding you by your back, and soon he’s trailing a line down your neck, arising goosebumps over the flesh he touches, the soft clicks indicating the cadence of each kiss only heightening your insanity.

Having lost a part of your conscience in his embrace, you return it, holding him close to you and relishing in his affection. You thread your fingers through his hair, pulling it from the tie it had been in, and he breathes out in relief, the warm air brushing over your skin.

His mouth stops at the neckline of your shirt, eyes glancing up at yours. 

“I want to keep going,” He states, lowly and softly. You swallow thickly, afraid of the lack of control you might display if you told him what you really wanted to say. Luckily, he doesn’t put you in that position, and he takes a breath, straightening up and putting some distance between you. “I won’t, though.”

Your eyes hold his for a moment, and then you move to speak.

The lock in the front door turns. 

Choso.

You hurriedly sit on the couch, an appropriate distance from Suguru, and understanding the situation immediately he follows suit on the other end. The door opens just in time, and your boyfriend walks through the door.

“Chos’,” you greet with a smile, standing and moving to kiss him. 

“Hey,” He kisses you back before noticing Suguru on the couch. “Oh, hey. I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“Oh, yeah,” Suguru puts on his signature disarming smile. “We happened to be out at the same grocery store. I had to get more tea for Larue, and the place I usually go was out so I came over here.”

“Yeah, I ran into him and invited him over,” You corroborate. Nothing we said was a lie. Just not the entire truth.

“Cool,” Choso smiles easily, not phased or suspicious in the slightest. He removes his shoes and drops his keys in the basket near the door.

“How was hanging out with Kechizu?”

“Ah, same old,” Choso shrugs, “just played games and had pizza.”

“That’s good,” You say, moving to sit back down on the couch. “I got us restocked for the week with groceries since I got a little bored.”

“Oh, good. We can just use Sunday for a lazy day then,” Choso states, moving to sit where you were sitting on the couch. That leaves one spot; between him and Suguru.

Seeing the turmoil flash behind your eyes, Suguru stands.

“Well, it’s getting pretty late. I should get going home since it’s a little far from here.”

“Oh, you sure? You don’t want to stay for dinner?” Choso asks, “we can just order in and hang out, you’re not imposing.”

You take a breath, and Suguru shakes his head. “I appreciate it, but I gotta run some more errands before I go back. I’ll take you guys up on that on another day if you’ll have me.”

“Sure,” Choso shrugs, “you’re welcome any time.”

“Thanks,” Suguru smiles, then walks to the door. He passes you, and you get another whiff of his jasmine cologne, your last dose for the night. He starts putting his shoes on. “Thanks for having me over.”

Recognizing he’s talking to you, you smile in a way that you hope is convincing. “Sure, it’s no trouble. We’re friends now too, after all.”

Something gleams in his eyes at that. The denial you’d given him last time has been overwritten. “Yeah? Sweet. Hey, would you mind if I got her phone number, Choso? It’s not weird, right?”

What?

You look at your boyfriend, who shakes his head. “No, it’s not weird,” He chuckles lightly. “Go ahead. It’s probably a good idea in case of emergency anyway.”

“You’re right,” You agree, moving over to Suguru to take his phone and put your number in it. You text yourself so you have his. 

“Thanks,” He says, taking his phone back. “Well, I’ll see you Monday, Choso! You guys have a good night.”

“You too.”

Choso raises his hand in a wave, and you close the door behind him once he leaves, locking it.

Once you turn around, you see your boyfriend’s eyes traveling over your figure, and it makes you feel warm.

“Chos’?”

“You look really beautiful like that.”

You take a look at yourself. Your hair’s kind of messy, and all you’re wearing is one of his sweatshirts and shorts. 

“Thanks,” you laugh, moving to sit beside him. “I’m not wearing anything special.”

“So?”

That catches you by surprise. He’s usually not this bold. He reaches out and puts a hand on your leg, running it up your thigh. 

“I’ve been thinking about us…” Choso says, “and…that time when I got a little flustered after you wanted me to choke you.”

Your mouth dries up. “…oh?”

“Do you want me to be rougher?”

Your next breath is uneven. “W-well, I…”

“I need you to tell me what you want,” He says, voice dropping a bit in volume. “You know I’ll give you anything.”

“A-anything?” Your voice is thin. He nods seriously.

“Anything in the world.”

You find yourself nodding. “I want…I want to try it rough.”

His lips are on yours in the next instant, and everything after that is a blur of bruising touches, the hurried removal of clothes, and an insistence in your boyfriend you've never seen before.

He has you laid out on the couch, both of your clothes strung around the room unimportantly, his mouth trailing kisses down your neck. A reminder that Suguru had been there not even an hour ago has you feeling a whirlwind of emotions; the shame gives way to arousal.

Choso’s teeth near your nipple has you gasping right back to the present, and you look to see him sucking marks into the soft flesh of your chest. His hands are on your thighs, spreading them, and without warning you feel the glide of his length against your mound. 

He begins grinding against you as he marks your breast up in hickies, pulling noises from you that you don’t recognize. 

His tongue runs over your nipple and you cry out, arching your back as he doubles down and continues to run his tongue over the hardened peak, your sexes rubbing intimately together in a way that makes your heart feel close to bursting.

It’s like he’s a new man tonight…he’s never this into it.

His teeth graze the tip of your nipple and you shudder, wrapping your legs around his waist and beginning to move your hips with his. He groans at that, moving to the next breast and giving it the same attention the first one got. 

“Chos’,” you moan out, feeling one of his hands find the apex of your thigh. It’s only a second before two of his fingers find their way inside of you, slipping in with no resistance due to the way he’s masterfully turned you on. He starts pumping his fingers at a pace, the long digits reaching deep within you, making you shiver again. 

The combination of his mouth and hand are enough to make your head spin. 

He adds a third finger and begins moving down, sliding to his knees off the couch and readjusting you so that he supports your legs with his shoulders. 

His lips scatter kisses and marks over the insides of your thighs as he continues to finger you, and not wasting any time, his mouth finds exactly where you need him, lips wrapping around your pearl and sucking as he pushes his fingers in deeper.

“Fuck,” is what leaves your mouth in a hiss, your hand gripping the couch tightly as he starts eating you out with gusto. “C-Chos’…”

He hums, tongue working wonders on you, and you think for a moment that you might actually lose sanity. 

It’s not like he hasn’t done this before. It’s just that you didn’t think he could be so bold. Usually he goes slower, he never really leaves marks, and he sure as hell doesn’t curl his fingers inside you as he’s doing now—but you’re falling even deeper in love with him.

“Oh my god,” a moan leaves your mouth, and he licks a fat stripe up your swollen bud before attacking it again with a kiss. “Choso…”

His free hand finds your breast again, and it’s over soon after that—the way his fingers pinch and tease at your nipple combined with everything else he’s doing sweeps you over the edge swifter than you’re prepared for, and your orgasm slams into you with a cry of his name. 

Or, rather, your first orgasm of the night.

He doesn’t stop there. He straightens up and climbs back between your legs on the couch, kissing you deeply as he lines up. Instead of asking, he takes, driving himself inside of you and making you take him despite the sensitivity of your walls.

You gasp as he begins moving immediately, nails digging into his shoulders. When you clench around him he groans, right in your ear, and you look up at him to see his face flushed prettily, sweat dripping down his forehead.

Another wave of lust for him takes over and you kiss him hard, nails dragging over his back. He mewls into your mouth and picks his pace up, the lewd, wet slap of your skin tell-tale to anyone who may be walking by the front door of your apartment. 

That reminds you…the two of you have never done it on the couch before. He couldn’t wait long enough to get to bed. 

Another one of your flutters around him causes his hips to stutter, and he ducks down, dragging his teeth over your ear before leaning up on his hands above you.

Then, one of them finds the base of your neck. Your lips part as he squeezes gently, focusing more power on the slam of his hips into yours. You feel him deep inside of you, the dull, harsh stretch of him forcing you to accommodate, and your eyes roll to the back of your head, voice reaching octaves you didn’t think you were capable of. 

“I love you,” he breathes, kissing your open mouth, and you shiver from the contrast of his rough-fucking and the gentle declaration of devotion.

“I love you too,” it comes out of your throat like a wrecked sob, and amidst his panting, he reaches down and starts rubbing you in time with his thrusts, doing exactly what you need in order to finish for the second time. 

As soon as you do, you feel him twitch, pressing deep into you to give you his load. Your own body shakes at the feeling, a sense of euphoria washing over you akin to the rush of opium. 

When you open your eyes, his own mahogany ones are looking at you, a loose, dopey smile on his lips.

“Fuck,” you rasp intelligently, and he chuckles, burying his face in your neck.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nod, hugging him close. 

No one is on your mind but him. What else happened today? You can’t remember. You can’t think at all. 

Right now, Choso is your world. 

___

A/N: calm before the storm me thinks. Seriously though, if you're sticking with this and still waiting for the updates, thank you so much, I appreciate you. I still plan to post on AO3, I'm just not sure when I'll have the time. Keep your eyes out for the next update!

Please don't copy or repost, but feel free to reblog and share! Taglist (comment here or my masterlist if you want to be added): @jaegerstan222 , @cosmicstarlatte , @dabisdolly , @moonriseoverkyoto , @propheticfire , @bontensbabygirl , @crlyhairedwxtch , @alittlebirdahgaselx , @okkovtsu , @notbellasstuff , @uchihabbynic , @polaroidnana , @childofilluvatar , @shadowfoxy , @jordan-network , @dreamtravelersade , @unmatchxd , @lucyrocks86 , @spineyy , @k3lbade , @xxbuckpoppi , @naughtygobbo , @slammynics , @roseambers , @luvingyouwasreallyhard , @hinachaaan , @redladyrae-blog , @spiteless-xo , @slutforaz , @bellaabee082 , @thedorklingqueen , @delayedrage , @poopwons , @pandisastergod , @username23345 , @sleazymac-n-cheesy , @forest-haven , @midnaamethyste , @bihanspookies , @mysteriouskiller1 , @liyahthings

#jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x you #choso kamo x reader #choso x reader #suguru geto x reader #choso kamo #jjk imagines #jjk scenarios #geto suguru x reader #choso kamo smut #choso my beloved #jjk choso #choso jjk #choso #kamo choso #suguru geto #geto suguru #jjk suguru #getou suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen suguru #jjk geto #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #two+one fic

[gojoest]

ok i am finally home and it’s STORYTIME WITH THE WAITER !! *rubs hands together* long post btw my thoughts are very hectic i am sleep deprived and hungover so excuse me t-t

so last night we went to this place with 2 of my coworkers (that are also close friends of mine) — it’s a club restaurant actually, the music is chill and not so loud until about 10-10:30pm so you can eat and chat with friends and then after that it’s showtime (hot men put on a show, they dance and strip, the latter is not that hardcore btw). turns out they organize different shows every night so it’s not always that. ANYWAY, we had a waitress assigned to our table but the place was so full and she was busy running around catering to everyone so instead of waiting i asked the waiter in question for the menu :3 so he brought us 3 and was like “sorry my coworker is very busy, if she can’t handle all her tables i will gladly take care of you tonight”. guys he is super cute i tell you, he’s got that big smile on his face all the time and a super positive energy flowing from him + he jokes around with ease and just seems to be so easygoing and friendly and i find that so attractive NOT TO MENTION he is very handsome and has a beard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sadly though he didn’t end up taking our table bc the waitress made it work somehow, she was super lovely btw <3 he was constantly passing by our table though and we both shamelessly stared at each other every time lmao

anyway as the night went on and we downed 4 bottles of wine and started dancing my mischievous coworkers invited him to our table for a bit and he did not decline even though he was working, he just casually sat down with us and behaved like we’ve always known each other ajksdskas. so we poured him a glass of wine, said cheers and then danced a bit AND THEN t-t my coworker took an empty water bottle and spun it on the floor (do you see where i am going) and it ended up pointing towards me and the waiter t-t and that same coworker was like “you have to kiss her now, these are the rules” and i was like :0 just standing there like :0 what :0 what :0 he then came to me and looked me in the eyes and put his hands on my cheeks but didn’t kiss me immediately, i think he was waiting for my reaction like i’m going give you 3 secs to push me away if you don’t want to but ofc I DID WANT TO KISS HIM so we in fact kissed.

after we were done kissing my coworker literally placed the bottle between us again, didn’t spin it this time just put it there between us like ok round 2 now, keep going KSJHDKSJSAA and he looked at me and was like “how about you kiss me this time” with a smug smile. part of me wanted to slap him but a bigger part of me wanted to keep kissing him so that’s that sigh we kissed again. HE IS SUCH A GOOD KISSER it’s not my fault :/

later we had some time to chat and exchange numbers etc.. and im glad we did bc i wanted to apologize to him for what my friends pulled with that orchestrated spin the bottle. and he was like “i am very content things turned out that way actually and i hope you don’t mind it either, and also — i hope you are single too” <- he looked so cute saying this that i ended up kissing him again help. then we talked some more and kissed some more. around 3:30am we had to leave bc we had work in like a few hours so i called a taxi and he waited with me outside even though he was still at work (i hope he did not get in trouble for that + spending a lot of time with us t-t) and then opened the car door for me and told me to text him when i get home t-t but i forgot bc i was a bit drunk and all i wanted to do was sleep right away so i just passed out. BUT HE CALLED ME and was like you home safe? and i was like yep yepp !! then i saw that he texted me a few times to check on me and maybe got worried that i did not reply so he called t-t

today he kept texting me all day casually updating me on how his day is going + asking questions about my day and etc. he sent me a selfie in the morning and was like “ok since you’re not drunk anymore can you please look at me and confirm that you still like me” LMAO he is so !! doki doki !! makes me laugh a lot but also i want to punch him sometimes bc he’s so smug but then again i can’t bc he’s also very cute and pretty t-t anyway i shall keep you updated on mr waiter v_v WAIT actually he’s also an engineer but works as a waiter too + he’s a foreigner but has been living here for a long time, knows the language fluently and has the cutest tiny accent when saying certain words IT’S SO CUTE anyway i need to take a shower now i am so tired t-t

#— ai rambles #he seems to good to be true like #i am thinking to myself WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM THERE MUST BE SOMETHING t-t right? #also i love how he decided that we must absolutely see each other and was like im sorry work is rly busy but i am available today and on #sunday but today maybe you might want to rest after last night so i'll leave it up to you #t-t he's also considerate WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM #t-t

[sinning-23]

Mona Lisa

hello everyone just a small headsup this chapter is a bit short but i will make up for that with a longerrrr chapter 4. things change for the reader and Carmy but im debating on making this a chance for msybe the worst temporarily.

Updates: Chapter 2 found here

Chapter 3

The meeting ended long ago but here you are feeling secure on the inside of the sidewalk, while Carmy takes the outside. What a gentleman. The street doesn’t feel so cold when you keep brushing against him from time to time, trying not to split the pole. He makes a note of that. Keeps his hands shoved in his pockets, he’s constantly looking around to be aware of his surroundings, ever so often taking a moment to glance at you. This game of silent admiration from both ends would only last so long. Despite it being quiet, you didn't feel the need to fill the silence with conversation. 

*He didn't say anything, he just took a seat next to you, leaving two chair spaces. It was enough to be close but not enough to be awkward. Comfortable. Maybe you should make conversation? This could be the universe telling you it's your last chance before your window closes. What would you even say? Hey omg your loved one was an addict too that's crazy me too! You knew better than that. Hardly noticing everyone standing to leave, you do the same but stop when his voice reaches your ears. 

“Are you stalking me?”

It was meant as a joke but you most definitely overreacted and freaked out, going on and on about how you never meant to come off that way and how you didn't know he’d be here or at the restaurant, and how its crazy you’ve seen each other twice in one day completely on accident. He only nods and smiles briefly. You can't help but smile back, it's contagious. Before you knew it he was asking to walk you home or at least to the train station if that's where you needed to go. *

“So, you own that place? The restaurant I mean.” You ask, trying to learn more if he'd let you. 

He shrugs, giving sort of an unsure nod. 

“It belonged to my brother actually, he gave it to me.” He explains, not saying much else. 

A sore subject maybe. You hum in response, finding yourself closer to your apartment than you’d like. This couldn't be it. You needed more.

“I see. This is me up here actually,” You chide, feeling a bit reluctant to leave. 

He stops walking for a moment, the silence begging for something more. One of you to reach out and give the invitation. As if out of a movie, you both go to speak, mouths closing and opening simultaneously. 

“You first.” He offers, glassy eyes searching your own for an answer. 

“I…Carmy…” You’re at a loss for words, trying to figure out what to do. Offer your number? Your name? Invite him in? No it's far too soon. 

“I never got a chance to ask your name.” He quips, clearing his throat. 

“ Y/n.” You respond, stepping a bit closer, the space between you becoming limited. He gulps. 

“Pretty. Now I know what to put as your contact.” He tests, stepping towards you, closing the space further. 

Holy shit that was…wow okay. You giggle, trying to keep eye contact but failing. How did he do that so smoothly? 

“That was cute. You know what, I think I should give you my number just so I can get to hear more of that.” You challenge, new found confidence flowing into you.

 He falters a bit, face flushing red as you glances upward, the slight height difference making it all the more delicious. His tongue darts out to lick his lips as he fumbles to grab his phone, you do the same, tugging your lip between your teeth. He clears his throat, handing you the device, screen cracked. Your fingers brush against each other, the contrast of warmth against cold makes you weak. 

“Not gonna ghost me tonight are you?” You question, passing it back with a teasing grin. This had gone FAR better than you thought. He shakes his head, eyes trying to take you in as much as he could before you have to leave. 

“Never.” He whispers, watching you smile and turn, making your way up the stairs to wave him a far too flirty goodbye. 

He nods and disappears down the street.

—

Watching the phone wasn't exactly how you wanted to spend the rest of your night but that's exactly what happened. Every notification made your heart race, only to end in brief disappointment to see it came from another app. There was no way you’d text first, then you'd seem too desperate. What if he was lying and didn't text you? What if he felt pressured because of the tension?

Was there even tension or were you overreacting? Damn, this was hard. Why did having a crush in your 20’s feel so difficult! You really didn't get this kind of practice as a teenager either, not necessarily focusing on crushes and more so your studies. You practically fell out of the shower trying to check your phone as now here you were, staring at the infernal machine. Ring…Ring damn it. 

From:-unknown number-

Hey, this is Y/n right?

You're quick to snatch your phone off the charger, the cord whipping you in the face and eye, a screech claws its way through your lungs and out your throat. The message lay open as you scramble to grab an ice pack. Hurry damnit! You curse yourself, the longer the message lays open the lower your chances get. 

To:-unknown number-

Yes! Hi sorry! I went to grab my phone and the cord hit me 💀

There's little to no wait when he responds again, but you have a chance to add his contact information.

From:Carmy

you alright? lol

To: Carmy

Yeah, I grabbed an ice pack. Anyway, will you make it back home safe?”

Did that sound too concerning? Maybe you should've just-

From: Carmy

Yeah I'm good, thanks. Made it back a few minutes ago. Actually going to bed soon, I think. You?

To:Carmy

Not sure, might paint, actually thinking about you lol. God that was weird to say-

From: Carny

Not at all, I was actually thinking the same. I wanna see more of you.

Your heart drops. Was this what you were waiting for your whole life? He wants to see you??? YOU? A smile creeps over your face. You hard parts over, now dont fuck this up.

To: Carmy

Really? How about date maybe?

Your heart races as you wait again for a response, the three bubbles pop up and sure enough the answer is in your favor. 

From: Carmy

I was supposed to say that. I’ll pick you up Friday at 8?

To:Carmy

I'd love that. Get some sleep, I can't wait.

You made it….A whole conversation you made it. And ended up with a date! What were you even going to do! What would you wear! Where was he taking you?! It didn't matter. All that mattered was that you finally had your date with Carmy. 

What could possibly go wrong.

Tag list:

@louderfortheback

#the bear #the bear season 2 #the bear fx #the bear hulu #the bear fanfiction #the bear series #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #carmy the bear #carmen berzatto x reader #x black reader #reader is black #reader is black coded #slowburn #strangers to lovers

[h3lfaerie]

Update <3

I have spent the majority of these past few weeks doing some light editing and polishing Path of Alfheim. I am sorry to pull this notorious proverb, which some of you may genuinely be sick of in case you've been reading fanfiction for a while, but English is legitimately not my first language.

I'm an actor by profession and while I am confident in my ability to use literary devices I do sometimes stutter with the occasional context piece being weird or some confusing phrase. Seeing as I started this fanfiction on a whim, and now I'm being quite thorough with the world-building and direction, I figured I should dust off some rickety bits that might have slipped through in the process.

I broaden my vocabulary and knowledge of the English language every day. Especially in terms of what would be used in a more Fantasy-esk, Viking-y setting. (I'm reading Shadow of the Gods by John Gwynne right now) Everything from the dialogue to the sort of "technology" they'd have, to their customs and beliefs - it's all inspired by Norse religion. I want to know the correct terminology and idioms to create an immersive story.

For those of you that take the time to follow this Tumblr Page, thank you. I really don't get to make announcements like this on AO3 (I'm not one for Author's Notes as entire chapters, I feel like when you click on a fanfiction it should JUST be the content of the story in there). I have used as much of the beginning and end notes' options as I can without it being an eyesore, I hope.

In other words, I am constantly working on Path of Alfheim.

The chapters are getting broader and more complex because the story I have planned out is genuinely long. And I wanted to pop in to say to you all, worry not, we're still brewing. Even if the chapters are a bit far out in-between.

If you do take the time to skim through earlier chapters (I have edited one through to four so far, currently working on chapter five), you may see it flows a bit better with more structurally sound sentences. I have not changed anything about the plot. I have simply rephrased and polished bits and pieces in a way I think sounds better.

I am super excited to post Chapter 8 hopefully in the next week or two. Cause I'm researching a ton of Viking politics- 👀

As always, thank you, you wonderful people, for enjoying my writing. ❤️

#path of alfheim #httyd fanfiction #httyd #httyd fanfic #my fic #fanfiction #announcement #author #update

[drabbles-mc]

Degrees of Separation (3)

Taza Romero x M!Reader

Summary: You transferred out of Yuma and into Santo Padre in a last-ditch attempt to outrun old ghosts and old problems. The small charter, located in an even smaller border-town, seemed like the perfect place to try and shake off everything that had happened to you so that you could start over. You were ready to live with your old secrets. But the deeper you get into the charter, the more you realize you may have simply traded in your old secrets for new ones, and this time you wouldn't be going down for them alone.

Chapter Index

Warnings: 18+, language, smoking

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: I realize it had been approximately 10000 years since I wrote for Mayans/SOA but I swear I'm still around and kicking. Bringing this story back from the dead after basically a year of not updating it 😂 But it's a longer chapter so I'm gonna pretend that that makes it okay lmao. I've missed writing these two, though. Lord knows I love me a good slow burn. 😌

Mayans Taglist: @buckybarneshairpullingkink @paintballkid711 @queenbeered @kelpies-shed @mijagif @amorestevens @garbinge @justreblogginfics @rosieposie0624 @choochoo284 @littlekittymeow @proceduralpassion @artemiseamoon @nessamc @withmyteeth @crowfootwrites @winchestershiresauce @frattsparty @fanfic-n-tabulous @justazzi @darqchilddaydreamz @danzer8705 @camelia35 @thanossexual @kishie8 @callmejaye (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

It was a smooth ride back to the clubhouse the next day. There were minimal stops along the way—everyone just wanted to be back home. Between how busy the last couple of days were, and the sun constantly beating down on your back on the return trip, you were exhausted by the time you rolled into the clubhouse lot.

Everyone was hopping off their bikes, the guys in the van piling out, all of you stretching as you tossed your helmets onto your bikes. You looked around, trying to get a feel for what they were all planning on doing. You just wanted to go home and sleep, never mind the fact that it was still probably far too early to go to bed. But if everyone was going to hang around for a bit, you weren’t just going to take off.

You watched as Angel, Gilly, and Coco headed directly for the clubhouse. You were mentally gearing yourself up to follow suit when you heard Taza’s voice coming from behind you. Sometimes it felt like the man could see your plans before you even said or did anything about them.

“The rest of us are going home,” he told you as he stepped so that he was standing next to you.

You didn’t try to dial back your relief. “Yea?”

He laughed. “Yea.” He nodded towards the clubhouse. “They always pull late ones when we get back if everyone is in one piece. You can stay if you want, but,” he shook his head, “the rest of us just want to shower and sleep.”

“Thank god.” You laughed.

You reached into your kutte, pulling out your pack of cigarettes. Placing one between your lips, you grabbed your lighter as well. It took a couple tries, but you finally got it lit, taking a deep inhale and tilting your head back so that when you sighed, the smoke flowed straight up. You felt Taza watching you, and despite the fact that he declined the night before, you still gave him another wordless offer. He chuckled, caving and taking you up on it this time around. He pulled one out of the pack and allowed you to light it for him, watching as you carefully shielded the flame of your lighter from the light breeze threatening to blow it out.

“Do things usually go that smoothly?” you ventured to ask, assuming that if anyone was going to be honest with you, it was Taza.

He nodded, pulling a drag off his cigarette. “Yeah,” smoke flowed out between his lips with each word he spoke, “usually. Not always,” he chuckled knowingly, “but usually.”

You laughed, shrugging. “I could get used to that.”

He arched one eyebrow, clearly curious. “Things not go that smoothly in Yuma?”

You held the smoke in for a beat longer than you usually would before releasing it with a deep sigh. “Not for me.”

Taza studied your expression as you said that, the way that you weren’t looking directly at him as you spoke. Despite that, he could still see the tension in the way that you stood, the way you forced the deep breath out. He wondered if this was going to be the moment when you finally opened up about whatever had gone down in Yuma that made you transfer out. There were usually stories of some kind to accompany why men would shuffle between charters. Or, at the very worst, there were rumors, which while they weren’t ideal it would still give people some sort of an idea as to why the changes were happening. But it had been radio silent with you. Yuma didn’t say much, and you said even less. Truthfully, Taza wasn’t interested in Canche’s version of anything, but it would’ve been better than nothing.

But you still kept it in, whatever thoughts were racing around your mind at the mention of your last charter. Maybe one day down the line you would talk about it, or maybe it was just going to be another thing that got buried in the pile of happenings that you never forgot, but never discussed. If Santo Padre was going to be anything resembling a fresh start, you figured that leaving the past where it belonged was the best course of action. Giving things a voice didn’t always work out for you in the past.

Somehow, even with the overwhelming urge to pry, Taza didn’t say anything more to you about it. He was no stranger to having skeletons that he tried to hide from view. You both stood there, passively tapping the ash from the ends of your cigarettes smoke swirled up around you.

“Those runs are every month?” you asked, breaking the silence.

He nodded, exhaling a stream of smoke. “Least once a month, yeah.” He looked at you, a curious expression on his face. “You want to be put on the rotation?”

You didn’t hesitate. “Hell yeah.” You dropped the last of your cigarette, snubbing it out beneath the toe of your boot. “Felt good to be back on the road again.”

“I’ll let Bishop know,” Taza said, nodding as he got as much as he could out of the cigarette pinned between his fingers.

“Appreciate it.” You smiled as you gave Taza a light clap on the shoulder. “I’m heading out. I’ll see you in a couple days.”

“Sounds good.” He watched as you walked back over to your bike, finally letting the end of his cigarette drop and hit the ground when you clipped your helmet on to drive off.

The next few days were quiet. There were no calls for Templo, and you didn’t have any yard shifts which you were thanking your lucky stars for. You took advantage of the downtime to try and rest, and to put some minor attempts into making your new place feel a little more like home. You’d never been good at the decorating thing, always counting on whoever you were living with to have a stronger knack for it than you. The plants that were struggling in your window sill, and the few picture frames tacked on the wall in your tiny living room were about the extent of your décor. You’d been saying that at some point you were going to have to remedy that, and now some point was here.

Looking around, you weren’t really sure if it made the apartment feel that much more like home. But it at least no longer looked like what would pass for a low-budget motel room. Now, you figured, you were at least in low-budget hotel territory. It was a step in the right direction. For once, you missed having a roommate.

Flopping down onto the couch, you came to the immediate conclusion that the throw pillows were a good purchase. It blew your mind how much a fucking pillow cost, but for all the times you ended up falling asleep on the couch instead of in your bed, you supposed it was a decent investment, and apparently it would brighten up the space, or whatever all those people on the HGTV channel would say.

You were halfway to falling asleep when your phone started buzzing in your pocket. You snapped awake, digging it out and bringing it to your ear without checking to see who was calling. “Yeah?”

“Yo. They called Templo.” EZ was clearly trying not to laugh at the fact that you sounded as tired as you felt. “Bish wants everyone here ASAP.”

You sat up, running your free hand down your face like that would wake you up. “Alright. I’ll be there.”

Luckily you were still in the clothes you’d gone out in before, so getting ready really just meant slipping into your kutte and putting your boots back on. You grabbed your helmet and took off out the door, double-checking to make sure that you’d really locked it.

You weren’t the last to show up to the clubhouse, but even so, there were still a good number of bikes already there when you showed up. You put yours in line with everyone else’s, leaving your gloves and helmet on the seat before making your way over to the clubhouse steps. Before you even opened the door, you could hear some of the chatter coming from inside. No one sounded angry, which was a good sign, but you still had no idea why Bishop had called a meeting.

You made your way over to the bar, never quite sure where else you should go. That was another thing you still had on your list of stuff to figure out. Everyone else seemed to have some sort of a routine, a group that they gravitated towards. You hadn’t found yours yet. Each time you thought about it, you thought about your quick exchange with Angel on the run. For all the ways that the guys like to bust his chops, you couldn’t help but to think that maybe this time he had a point.

Bishop’s voice ringing through the clubhouse cut down any chance for you to think too much more about it. You downed the last of your beer before getting up to head towards the sliding glass door. EZ was tossing your bottle and a few others into the recycling bin behind the bar when Bishop called out for him too.

“You too, prospect.” He nodded towards the room. “Might need your help with something.”

Your expression showed your mixed feelings of impressed and confused. Prospects in Templo didn’t happen often. Again, maybe it was different in Santo Padre, but you knew for a fact that in Yuma the circumstances had to be dire for that to happen. You wondered if there was more going on that you should all be worried about. The way EZ chuckled and shook his head let you know that he saw the confused look on your face. He fell into stride next to you once he came out from behind the bar.

“Least I know I’m not the only one out of the loop on this,” he joked before tossing his phone into the basket.

“What’s this?”

He laughed. “Exactly.”

You listened as Bishop, Taza, and Hank all explained what had been going down in the prisons. They were your drugs. Sure, technically they were Galindo’s, but Mayans were the ones distributing. Your charters were the ones distributing drugs that were making people drop like flies. It was more than just a one-off—it clearly wasn’t user error at this point.

Sitting back silently, you also listened to the plan that they were formulating to get to the bottom of all of it. It sounded a little batshit, to be quite honest. It was all hinging on EZ’s brain. Apparently he had an eidetic memory. You had no reason to believe that that wasn’t true, but you also found it a bit bold to be using it to essentially write off an entire charter as snakes. No one else seemed to share the same reservations, though.

“This doesn’t leave this room,” Bishop said as he looked around at all of you. “Got it?”

Everyone gave their version of yes before Bishop nodded, bringing the gavel down and effectively dismissing everyone. You stood up, pushing your chair back, and were about to start heading out of the room when Bishop spoke up again, this time only saying your name. It sent a tiny jolt of fear down your spine but you fought not to let it show as you turned around to face him and the other two men sitting at the head of the table, the only others who hadn’t gotten up from their chairs.

“Yeah, Pres?” you tried to sound casual enough, hoping it hid your nerves.

He nodded towards the chair that was on the opposite side of Hank, one that brought you to their end of the table. “Sit.”

There was nothing for you to say, so you just waited for the rest of the room to clear out. You temporarily snagged someone else’s seat for the sake of not sitting at nearly the opposite end of the table from Bishop while he spoke to you. You rested your forearms on top of the table, crossing them so that your hands rested by opposite elbows. There was no way for you to know for sure what your expression looked like, but you hoped it was something adjacent to relaxed, maybe even a little confident if you could muster it.

“Settling in alright?” Bishop asked when the room stilled again.

You chuckled out of nerves. “I think so, yeah.” You paused for a beat, looking at his expression, then those of Taza and Hank. It always seemed like everyone had a better game-face than you. “This like, what, a ninety-day eval or something?” you joked lightly.

Taza let out a quiet laugh at that, and it even got a bit of a smile out of Bishop before he replied, “Yeah, pretty much.”

You gave a slow nod, trying to take the temperature of the room. It didn’t feel tense enough for you to think that things were about to go poorly. “Alright. Why don’t you guys tell me how I’m settling in, then.”

Taza smiled, maybe a little more outwardly amused than he should’ve been. “We think you’re settling in alright too.”

“We just need to know if you’re planning on staying,” Hank finally spoke up, “now that you’ve seen what we do here.”

You had no hesitation as you nodded. “I wanna stay. I’m—I’m gonna stay.”

Bishop was studying your face, looking for any crack in any possible façade that you could be putting up. “You’re sure on that?” He saw the way you were about to shoot something back, but the slight lift of his hand from the table stopped you. “I need to make sure my club is fuckin’ steady. You left Yuma. I didn’t ask why—I don’t really give a fuck why, either. I just need to know if you’re gonna wanna leave here too.”

You managed to keep your composure, not wanting to get heated enough to the point where you’d have to get into it all. Instead, you took a deep breath, set your shoulders back, and shook your head. “I’m not planning on leaving.”

There was a long drag of silence. Long enough that if anyone in that room was holding a lie together by a thread it would’ve snapped. You must’ve seemed steady and sure enough for Bishop’s liking, for all of theirs, because everyone in the room relaxed. Except Taza—the one person in the room who hadn’t seemed tense in the first place.

“Good,” Bishop finally said. He snubbed his cigarette out before dropping the act and letting himself smile. “Now we won’t have to do this shit again.” He saw the relief on your face and he just nodded towards the door. “Go on, get outta here.”

You didn’t need to be told twice, immediately getting up and letting yourself out. The usual thrumming of the clubhouse hardly even registered as you quickly made your way through and out the door. You stopped on the deck, just needing fresh air as you braced yourself against the railing.

The creaking of the door opening behind you caused you to turn around. You chuckled and shook your head when you saw it was Taza. “You know that was coming?” you asked.

He chuckled, nodding. “Of course I did.”

“Didn’t think to warn me?”

He shrugged as he leaned on the railing next to you. “Didn’t think I needed to.”

You shook your head, not looking at him but not really looking away from him either. “Bit of a risk, isn’t it?” You turned to look at him only to find him already facing you. “Asking me if I’m gonna stay after going over all that shit with the other charters?”

Taza shook his head. “No risk.”

“No?”

He shrugged. “I had the feeling you weren’t gonna flinch.”

“If I did?”

“We had plans in place for that too.”

“Jesus Christ,” you said with a shake of your head.

He chuckled, clapping you on the back. “Good thing you didn’t flinch, huh?”

“Yeah.” You had to laugh a little. You knew what you were dealing with—at the end of the day it was still an MC. “Real good thing.”

#mayans mc #mayansmc #mayans fx #taza romero #che romero #taza romero x reader #taza romero x you #degrees of separation #my writing #fanfiction #drabblesmc #mayans mc fanfiction #mayans au #x reader #x reader fic

[eywxveng]

House wife

Minors dni (NSFW)

Miguel O’hara x Fem!housewife reader

TW: Mention of sex ofc, fingering , orgasm denial, pussy eating, dacryphilia (if ya squint hard enough) lmk if i’ve missed anything

Other notes: small amounts of spanish. I will put spanish words, sentences and phrases in italics and the translation will be in parentheses ()

NOT PROOF READ SO FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME ON ANY MISTAKES (politely ofc🤗)

Considering the fact that your husband, Miguel is the most important person within the Spider-Society you two don’t very often get to spend time together. He’s always working late night shifts at HQ and constantly on missions catching anomalies during the day. If you’re being completely honest with yourself you feel a little bit touch starved…who am I kidding you were definitely touch starved.

One night you weren’t expecting Miguel to be home because of the fact that he told you he had to stay overnight at HQ working on papers but I guess he decided against it once he noticed that he really doesn’t see you often. “Cariño, I’m hom-“ (Dear, I’m hom-) Miguel stoped mid sentence gawking in awe at what he walked in on. You were spread so beautifully across the bed with your legs wide open giving him the perfect view of your fingers buried deep inside your cunt as you desperately chased your release.

When you noticed he had walked in on you whilst you were doing..you know what, you immediately snapped your legs together and sat up properly, cheeks red from embarrassment. “Miguel! I-I didn’t think you’d be home tonight..” you sheepishly mumbled. “Yea I can tell. You looked like you need some help.”. Before you could even begin to comprehend what he had said Miguel was already on the bed spreading your legs.

“So wet already mami..All this f’me?” he chuckled as he played with your clit causing you to whimper as you nodded. He began to slip his long girthy fingers into your cunt. You bit your lip as an attempt to stifle your moans. “nuh-uh hermosa (beautiful), don’t get all shy on me now. You seemed like you were perfect confident when you were fucking yourself hm?” he said making you clench around his fingers even more than you already were. “M’ so close Miguel..” you manage to breathe out while you cover your face with a pillow as your eyes roll back. Just as you were about to cum his fingers come to a complete stop and tears start to well up in your eyes as you felt the knot in your stomach begin to fade away.

“Miguel please..why did you stop” you breathe out as tears begin flowing down your face. “Don’t cry baby.” he says as he kisses away your tears. “I’ll let you come just don’t take your eyes of me when i’m making you feel this good okay? Let’s try again mi reina” (my queen)” You nod desperately waiting for him to start again. He places his head in between your legs and immediately starts eating you like a starved man. All you could do is moan his name and whimper incoherent words as he looks up at you watching every movement your face makes.

“Miguel i’m gonna cum soon! Please let me cum this time!” You say and he groans in acknowledgment of your words as he speeds up his pace until your body is convulsing as you cum all over his face.

“Good girl.” he says as he kisses up and down your body until he reaches your ear and whispers “I’m going to fill you up so we’ll you’ll never have to think about pleasing yourself again.”

That’s all yalllllll. should i do a Pt. 2 !?

There was a inspiration post for this fic but i can’t find the original post if i do find it i’ll update this and add their username so u can follow them and hopefully be inspired by them too! Until then peace !! 💋

[mint-yooxgi]

Why are you so rude to your asks? Is it bad that people are excited and interested in your writing? I love your stories, but jeeze, if you get that pissed when people ask about the next chapters, etc, im not going to support anymore

You should be happy they are interested in your stuff

So, I got this ask earlier and it’s just been sitting in my inbox, but I think I’m finally ready to answer it. I think I’m a little less appalled now than when I got it, but seriously?

I don’t know how many times I need to state don’t ask for updates for people to get it, but some never do. I’m setting personal boundaries which are clearly being ignored and constantly disrespected by people just because I’m not producing content fast enough for them. That’s not even counting the five seconds it takes to click my FAQ link in my bio to check. Of course I’m going to be standoffish when MY OWN FUCKING BOUNDARIES ARE DISRESPECTED.

I’m tired of repeating myself. It’s annoying, entitled, and literally does not make me want to write faster when I get asks that pertain to updates. I already put so much pressure on myself as a writer to not only update quickly, but just make sure the story flows well, connects to itself, and it doesn’t read like I was forced to write. I’m human, I have a life outside my blog. I don’t spend all day at my computer typing out a story. My blog is for ME and so are my stories. I have good days and I have off days. I’m human, not a fucking content spewing machine.

There’s also a very clear difference between someone asking “when’s the next update?” Or “next update of X when?” And “looking forward to the next chapter!” One is encouraging and supportive, the other is demanding. I don’t know very many people who would be “polite” to someone demanding something of them. Adding a “compliment” to it doesn’t mean anything to me, and is in fact, very backhanded. To me, it says, “yeah, you’re a decent writer but you’re not producing ENOUGH” and “give me more!”

That’s not okay with me. It has NEVER been okay with me.

Also, if that’s how you want to act, then it’s no loss to me if you stop supporting me. People are not entitled to me, my blog, or my writing, and if this is the way you think… I’m sorry, but don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

#ask #eternal sigh #why yes #I am a bitch #that’s why this tag exists #admin's thoughts #also #if you’re going to be rude to me #you bet your ASS I will match your energy #:)

[ranger-kellyn]

oh yeah and before i forget:

officially ending november with a word count of 50,914! and for the first year ever, i actually updated my word count all 30 days!

even though it was one of my slowest years writing wise, it was probably the first year where i didn't feel like i was constantly fighting against all my self-loathing.

i think forcing myself to be intentional about my pacing really helped with that. even though i still had a handful of days where it was like "ugh i Do Not want to do this", i would at least write a few sentences and call it a day, which i think was crucial to not leading myself back to burnout.

reminding myself that it's a nanowrimo draft and i don't owe that draft anything other than completion also helped. i didn't owe that draft good prose. i didn't owe that draft good flow. it didn't matter how many times i used my crutch word of "something", that just means in editing i have to find out what that "something" is.

sure, writing wise I do think it was one of my weaker years. i still think my 2021 age of calamity fic was one of my best nano drafts, but thankfully i didn't like...use that against myself? in a lot of ways, i've had to remind myself that i had the mental equivalent of a broken leg. i wouldn't expect myself or anyone else to immediately go back to running after a broken leg, I can't expect myself to get back to writing "good" after everything that's been happening over the last few years.

anyways. at the end of the day, this was a really good nanowrimo, and i hope i can continue extending that sort of draft grace to myself as i go forward. i'm going to take a well-earned break through at least the next two weeks, then i'll jump back in and continue finishing out this draft. even if it's just one sentence at a time

as always, a huge thank you to all my friends who supported me through it all, and a huge thank you to everyone who ran word sprints with me in all my discord servers 🤍🖤🤍🖤

#nano blogging #writing tag

[vulpisnocturna]

Sorry if this is like an intrusive question but how tf do you manage to write so much in such a short span of time ⏱️⏱️⏱️???? I have inattentive ADHD too and the amount of stuff you put out is seriously impressive, it takes a lot for me to be able to finish something 😅🥲😭

Hi lovely 🤍

First of all don’t apologise, I don’t mind at all!

As someone with inattentive ADHD, mine works one of two ways: can’t write one sentence in 3 weeks vs hyperfocus. So you see me put out the stuff that literally writes itself, because I won’t sleep, won’t eat, won’t have breaks until I’m done because I can’t disrupt my concentration. That’s not very healthy and I don’t advise it ahaha

But seriously, I’m in this mood right now with this Chrollo fic where I’m constantly thinking about it, and it feels so easy to write. But I’ve got WIPs I haven’t updated in more than a month and a half because I just can’t seem to finish a chapter or the paragraphs I do write I read them again and it’s just blegh

Also, I’m a hopeless people pleaser terrified of conflict and literally get so anxious when people message me asking me about a request they’ve previously sent me. So I try to write them as quickly as I can. The time it takes ranges from 2 hours to months. Again, I have requests I plan to write that have been sitting in my inbox since July

Also these two weeks I’ve had covid so I was mostly home just writing all day. So don’t ever feel guilty! We all have different art flows, and writing doesn’t have to have a definite time frame!

However, as a rule, I always try to write something every day. Even if it’s a hundred words. I’ve found it really helps :)

[mwahkazu]

hi mae! i used to write quite a bit, but i stopped after a while due to burnout but here i am again lmao

anyways, if you're okay with it, could you give some writing tips/how you do your writing process? dw if you don't want to or just can't explain it! :D

hi anon! oof…you’re experience actually brought back some flashbacks for me LMAO i went through the exact same thing a couple years back! ended up losing motivation/burnout, left and then came back for a second attempt 😅

i’ll do my best to offer you what i can and things that i found helpful to get back into the groove of writing <3

( long post ahead )

writing tips:

the first thing i heavily suggest is to just write. don’t focus too much on things like grammar, whether the story flows well, dialogue, or anything just write whatever comes to mind. you can worry about those things afterwards once you’re editing and revising!

along with that do some rough drafts! i know we all hated that stuff so much when we wrote essays and stuff for school but believe me having drafts truly does help when writing a story

if you dont like how one story turned out DONT DELETE IT. save it and come back to it another time! maybe you didn’t like how it flowed but you really liked that one dialogue or description you wrote and perhaps want to build a story based off of that or add it to a current wip

decide on what it is you want to write! maybe you just want to have a blog strictly centered around one character or person, write smau’s, oneshots, hcs, etc. or maybe even a culmination of everything! all of these are considered writing and will always have an audience wanting to read them on here

one of the main reasons my burnout happened was because i gave myself too much work and a schedule. i know some authors like to have a schedules for their work but i honestly found it very pressuring which resulted in my uploading works i wasn’t proud of or that were rushed :((

write whenever you feel like it! remember that you’re your own boss on here! there’s no problem with updating once every month or every other day. writing takes time. i assure you your blog isn’t going anywhere if you leave it or take a break from writing for a couple of days

at the same time you also need to know your limits as a writer. don’t feel the need to constantly be uploading fics every single day! that’s one of the main reasons writers on here sometimes abandon their blogs or series. ofc if you’re able to handle doing so then by all means go for it. but i know for most it’s taxing and leads to a lot of burnouts and lack of motiviation

so take your time. if you have an idea for a series or story plan it out first and then once you’ve got a good idea of how you want everything to play out then you can upload it!

don’t feel ashamed about looking up things online! i for one am constantly looking up ways to describe certain things like emotion, expressions, scenes, etc. ( insert me typing “synonyms for (word)” 😭 ). it just goes to show you want to improve your writing and make it more interesting!

writing is all about trial and error. there is no wrong or right way of doing it. i know when it comes to tumblr, getting your fics recognized and read by others can be very hard with the algorithm and such relying heavily on reblogs which most fics struggle to gain a lot of as people just opt for just liking.

but please don’t be discouraged by how many notes your works receive! as long as you stay consistent and true to your writing it’s bound to reach others and receive the recognition it deserves <3

writing process:

as for my writing process it’s a bit all over the place lol

a lot of my stories/smaus i come up with due to being inspired by something! whether it’s from a song, a prompt/dialogue starter i found on pinterest, a movie/anime show, aus/tropes, or sometimes having a random thought like “what if character a and character b were this and that”

but once i have an idea i start planning it out! i recently made the transition of planning out my writing from google docs to notion and omg… it’s become a life saver i highly recommend using notion as a way to plan out your fics snd such

everything is just so organized, there are templates online to use that you can add personal touches/adjustments to to really make it your own!

usually when i come up with a fic idea i already have a character in mind that i would like to do it for but if you dont have one or are struggling to decide, pick at random my friend LMAO ik a lot of my moots sometimes use a character wheel or random pick generator online to decide on characters and from what i’ve seen it helps them a lot😭

when planning out my fics i dont focus too heavily on every little detail. it’s called the planning stage for a reason. i just focus on the major points i want to make sure i hit, write out certain ideas i have in mind for a specific scene or dialogue sequence, character/world building and all that good stuff

creating a playlist for the story also helps me a lot too! really establishes the mood of the story and even gives me some additional inspo/support! one thing i recently started doing is finding a playlist on youtube that fits the mood of my story and then opening another yt tab and searching for ambience sound and playing them both at the same time lol ( trust the process )

once i feel satisfied with my planning i move on to the writing ( the most dreadful part of all /lh ). as i mentioned in the writing tips section, i just write whatever comes to mind and keep going until i get stumped or run out of ideas

if i hit that point i take a break and focus on doing other things like working on another piece or doing something outside of writing ( cough playing stardew valley ) or talking to my lovely moots <3

this is also considered a writing tip but take breaks! i cannot stress this enough. don’t spend hours just writing! take breaks in between, distract yourself with something else. sometimes your mind just needs a break from writing for a bit.

#✧﹒—﹒[ notes from the jar ] #going to leave it at an abrupt ending because i dont know what else to say😭 #it’s important to remember that these are just my tips and processes that i found works well for me everyone has their own preferences .. #and different way to approach their writing which are just as valid! it’s all about finding what works for you #apologies for the long post and any spelling mistakes i typed all this from my phone 🥲 #HOPE THIS HELPS ANON !! feel free to reach out for any more questions <3

[zeltqz]

I felt this needed to be sent as an ask. I know it's one of the hardest things to do (writing when your motivation is weighing) but you have to try your best NOT to listen to them (those who keep asking for updates with no consideration of what it's like for the author). Pressure ain't doing nothing but motivating negativity. I know the guilt, I've been there. At the end of the day I gave what I could and the fic ended up being discontinued a month ago. I permanently quit writing because I felt it was so overwhelming and stressful despite being something I absolutely love doing, I just couldn't take knowing people waited for my updates, I was disappointing them and that disappointed me. Talk about depression. Writers depression is very real. So eventually I unpublished my wattpad fics, deleted all my Tumblr fics, and stayed a silent reader, I wrote short poems or small works here and there for my private instagram, just whenever I felt like it. I honestly thought it was permanent. Until a friend of mine started writing which sparked my interest in it again. So I restarted my blog a couple days ago. Gave thought to what it was I wanna write and how I want this blog to be different. Atm I'm barely writing, I started 3 fics last week yet they remain in my drafts untouched with no further progress. But I can honestly say the nonchalance and freedom I have is quite nice, I try to write here and again. Or even if a single sentence or dialogue comes to mind I note it down, that gave life to another sentence and another and another until I put it together and it formed about a decent paragraph.. I'M RAMBLING. I lost track of what I was supposed to say. I don't even know the main point of this story. Forgive me. But seriously, the best advice I can give is to unburden yourself before you drown. Literally. Write what you want when you can, your wips, don't delete them!! I promise you some time later you'll definitely be inspired for them again. And when u do you'll be able to literally write more for it!! I have an idea from 2 yrs ago and it's pretty decent, with some editing it could be even better. So please don't delete them 😭😭 and don't let people push you to update. You can if you can and You can't if you can't!!! I'm here if you need any help 🙏🏻 I noticed that talking about your writing with someone who reciprocates your energy can ignite a full on passionate conversation that will lead to creating quality work!! Like new ideas or even roots to go for old works.. It's a good way to keep the motivation flowing when you're running thin 🤍🤍🤍

this is honestly the sweetest piece of advice soeone ever gave me. its so detailed and relatable too because i used to be a wattpad writer back in 2021 and then ppl kept on asking for update update update and it was so stressful so I just logged out of the account and to this day i havent logged back in 😭😭

as someone who used to be a silent reader i understand the frustration of needing an update. dont get me wrong i understand. i used to feel that exact way because fics were my only source of happiness at one point in my life when everything was shitty. but now im actually writing them, i know why some writers dont want to update so fast because its so much pressure when theres 5-6 ppl in ur inbox asking for update update update

ik how hard it is to finish a story but also how desperate it can get for the readers waiting for said update. which is the reason im constantly trying to keep writing but now i feel like i just cant. im such a perfectionist i dont post anything i dont feel is my best but rn i feel like none of my works are and its making me slack a lot and i feel like if i dont stop feeling this way then i might stop writing as a whole because its making me frustrated

writing genuinely makes me happy bc i feel like its an escape from reality (which i desperately need bc i hate my life) but i cant write good enough which is making me annoyed because i need that reality escape sooooo bad

and the reason i asked yesterday which fics of mine were peoples favourites, most of them were the series that i had deleted from my page because i reread them and hated it so bad. now im rewriting it but with this lack of motivation its one of the hardest things ive had to do in a while

and i barely talk to ppl about my fics because idk i barely recieve comments about them except for PT 2 PLS. like as much as i would LOVE to write part 2 3 4 5 6 7 etc its not motivating enough since i dont have anyone motivating me to write.

ugh this is a lot i dont except anyone to read this but THANKS FOR THE ASK <3

#why do i love to add unnecessary problems to my life #then dedicate myself to solve them #then get sad when i fail #but im too deep in to just give up #i dont wanna deactivate either that solves nothing and itd make me sad #UGH

[sunny-satellites]

I'm gonna be honest, professionalism is a disease. Sometimes you just need the words to bring reality to someone who won't listen and they can't start with per my last e-mail.

There's a specific site at my job that drives me nuts because they just don't listen to instructions carefully and this problem is endemic across their entire management pool. They'll also constantly cross lines and do shit like call me on teams without warning because they *know* I'm good at my job and I'll fix the damn problem if I can, but sometimes I'm in the middle of doing other shit and I can't be pissed to fuck around for fifteen minutes to reset johnny dipshit's RSA because he chronically can't remember a 4 digit number.

So this week was a gigantic headache because small minded upper management made an absolutely awful decision and has set a 90 day ticking time bomb on our password policy due to a delayed overreaction from a security breach that happened in October, they forcibly reset every call centers password and unfortunately because of more dumb shortsightedness they specifically decided to flag it for VMware logins. VMware is not directly attached to our primary IDP so it caused a ton of IDP flowback issues usually locking people out of random applications on other subdomains and often locking people out of active directory login entirely.

I've had to basically route a large portion of this intake for this specific issue and it's been mostly resolved as everyone who got flagged in these domains has reset their shit and had a temporary password issued and their accounts synced for proper primary IDP flow down.

I got a guy today however who managed to dodge this issue and I told him I'd have to route his issue to another team because someone already picked up this ticket, but genius middle management refuses to let people be unproductive for a bit and he's in my dms telling me to reset chuckledick's password again.

I can't tell him he's a technological hazard and that his mother should pound sand on the beach that makes you old and block him because that's ~unprofessional~ so instead I tell him this is a bad idea because the department under me already reset his shit and synced it from the jump server and this will reset it back to square one and probably break any other access that was working along the way. I know what the issue is and that it's elsewhere but I'm a network engineer so I *shouldn't* modify this person's OUs if it's already someone else's ticket. However he's not taking my polite "No" for an answer so I reset the person's acct and issue a temporary password, he tells me he'll be back in 5 minutes. It takes him 25, meanwhile I'm regularly refreshing the domain that has NT logins registered on it and see that the password update flag doesnt reset, meaning chuckledick cant log in.

I fuckin set myself to busy so these people will stop bothering me and leave him a message before he can even return: "I see user was unable to log in meaning this issue is IDP domain flow down related like I had initially diagnosed, in the future please refrain from wasting (network dept name)'s time and arguing with us over tickets already assigned to the correct department. I hope you take this lesson to heart." Which is about the politest way I can tell this person he is a fucking fool and I hate working with him.

#sysadmin bitching

[illanabehir]

Medical update

While there hasn't been much going on bc they're trying to get MRI and pet scans scheduled I have been extremely frustrated by some of the staff. Yesterday the helper on night shift did my obs and said they needed to do them at the beginning of shift. (I was annoyed bc I was in a normal raid in 14 as a healer) Change over is done by 7:30. She came for obs at 3minutes to 9. It wasn't even the first I saw her bc around 7:40 she asked if I wanted a hot drink. I've been here forever I know when shift starts and it isn't fucking 9pm. Then this morning she decided she had to raise my head on the bed so my obs wouldn't be low but I wasn't laying on the bed right for that and she just hurt my back in doing so. So I'm fucking frustrated. I already didn't like her bc when she did an ecg on me last time I was in the hospital she for some reason put two of the things basically on my fucking vagina like wtf are you doing and they left the door open like okay what about my privacy my decency. They struggle to get blood from the PICC line every morning and I have to do a ton to help it maybe flow and half the time they just try for 2 minutes meanwhile I had to pump my arm prior drink a bunch of water and turn my head and cough constantly during it which has strained my neck with how often I've had to do it (multiple times a day) it's fucking annoying.

And yesterday I realized today is Thanksgiving and I'm stuck in the fucking hospital. I should be home. I should've made the dessert. I should be meeting my brother in law at the dinner. Gwen and I should fucking be there. Instead I'm stuck in a hospital with shit food and not even having visitors today bc it's a stream day. So I just get to wallow and if someone tells me I shouldn't cry I'll just be like it's a big family holiday in the states tell me I can't cry again. Bc it feels like any time I'm crying about something it feels like they're telling me to stop crying stop feeling and I'm just like fuck off sometimes you need to let it out ffs. Idk I had a breakdown the other day that was about the money and the whole situation. Today it's about Thanksgiving and being stuck here.