#maybe i am a bit and i know that shouldnt stop me and its okay to be a little annoying or weird when trying to start a new friendship | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ritz-writes · 6 months

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@asleepyy so sorry for tagging u twice in one day and i hope im not bothering u with my brain rot 😅

but yes, i did actually dissect the lyrics. yes, i am actually insane. and yes, i love this au quite a lot.

here are my notes and what i think each song represents, tho its mainly just the vibes i get. i made notes as i listened to them (note: i see songs almost always in animatic form. idk if that will effect how i imagine what each song means, but i thought it might be worth mentioning)

join me as i lose my mind over the course of an hour and a half

say what you think: def making me think of them both in heaven and jophiel wanting to ask questions.

running up that hill: AHH this one hurt. very obvious as well. jophiel seeing that azazel shouldnt be a demon. "And if I only could I'd make a deal with God, and I'd get Him to swap our places." i am sobbingggg

what difference does it make?: at first i was going to say its jophiel wanting to figure out what went wrong but azazel makes them promise not to, but i think its better suited for azazel understanding hes a demon, but he cant help but still have faith in the almighty

please please please let me get what i want: fuckkk is this about azazel being a demon but still wanting to do good 😭 short but still painful

ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've): my first reaction to the title alone was like the second image of the kambucha girl meme. anyway i think this one is about them becoming friends (or more?? 👀) but knowing its seen as wrong. "And if I start a commotion, I run the risk of losing you and that's worse" makes me also think of jophiel talking to the metatron and realizing he shouldnt ask about azazel lest he risk the poor thing being smited.

nothing critical: ohhhh this one gives hella vibes of jophiel not trusting heaven and knowing "something isnt right here" in regards to the fall-- HOLD UP "I know, someone had to go, If not him it'd be me instead" HELLO??? aziraphale asking for jophiel??? is this like after he finds out what azazels name used to be??

flowers never bend with the rainfall: hmm... i feel like this is a plot point song. not sure why. but "And I hide behind the shield of my illusion" makes me think it pertains to azazel

bird in space: oh this ones a bit tricky. i think ive reached the songs that no longer fit the lore we've been given thus far. so the only thing i can think rn is jophiel enjoying earthly pleasures? not rlly sure

angel, won't you call me?: oh fuckkk is this about a fight they have? "I fled at the face of my rival. When I felt his breath at the back of my neck. Angel, won't you call?" theres no way that isnt about azazel saying smth and then leaving, only to be scared he severed his tie to the only person thats been nice to him.

the stranger: first of this is a bop and im loving it. very groovy. the first thing that comes to mind is the "choose your faces wisely" prophecy. ooo is this about jophiel trying to convince azazel hes still meant to be an angel? that he wasnt meant to fall? also, the last verse is sticking out to me... not sure why

all i think about now: fuckkkkk this is giving me the vibes of jophiel finding out azazel Fell cuz of him and feeling guilty about it. "If I'm late, can I thank you now?" FUCKING OW?? oh yeah for sure this is about jophiel finding out and being sucker punched with guilt

ill be your mirror: oh goddd this song. i know crowley listens to this song but i cant remember what its about so lets see. AH SHIT YEAH THATS RIGHT. okay so jophiel reminds azazel that he is inherently good, regardless of if hes a demon. thats what im getting from this (also just tihnking of that ask i sent about the reflective sunglasses bthwjegkrw)

me and my husband: okay all im getting from this is "they r down bad". they r very very very much in love. getting vibes of this being after they stop the apocolypse. or maybe their feelings developing thru the centuries

time in a bottle: oh man this song always gets me. okay so, this and the last song r giving the oh-shit-i-might-be-in-love vibes. but this one is with jophiel's pov, while me and my husband is azazel's

ritz note: the last couple songs have been cute and lovey and i am now terrified of what the next ones r gonna be. cuz i know this fandom. and i am not ready for the pain. i am afraidddd

lonesome town: i fucking called it i knew the happy wouldnt last 😭😭 they had a fight didnt they. yeahhh they had a fight. FUCK why is this so sad but so pretty

across the universe: is this one sad too??? hang on theres a bit thats not in english, what does that mean... "Hail to the Heavenly Teacher." okay so i assume this is an azazel song. this is just making me think of the bookshop fire, but its azazel thinking jophiel died 😭 ....i am staring at the lyircs. i am glaring at the lyrics. this song MEANS something. i just dont know what. but its important. im squinting at it very hard (note: i came back to this song and am STILL glaring at it. its like. its like im seeing it covered in sand but i know theres gold underneath. i cant SEE the gold, but i know its there. this is driving me nuts /pos)

no wonder i: hm.. im not rlly sure with this one. OH?? is this azazel finding out heaven isnt that good?? "Suddenly I'm not so sure. That intentions can be pure." hmmmmmmm

what do they know?: holy shit okay this is a completely different kind of song than the others. im.... glaring at these lyrics too. feels like a plot point but cant tell what it is. i think its about jophiel? maybe heaven too?? idk im grasping at straws with this one

sea of love: oh yay a happy song again 😌 okay this is just short and sweet. gives me forgiveness and/or confession vibes.

who are you, really?: this one sounds important and i am glaring!! makes me think of "we dont need heaven we dont need hell" and also "a demon/angel that goes along with hell/heaven as far as he can". also just makes me think of jophiel speaking.

the moon will sing: i fucking love this song but i dont think ive ever looked at the lyrics so lets goooo. right away i see "I could have been anyone, anyone else. Before you made the choice for me" and think of aziraphale asking and falling for jophiel, and in a way making the choice of jophiel staying an angel. "Instead, I made a bed with apathy" jophiel trying not to care about a random demon. "I shine only with the light you gave me" jophiel giving azazel ideas on how to do "good" while being "bad". also with that line, thinking of azazel saying that to god and being sad about having fallen AUGHH i have a whole animatic in my head with this song and im losing my mind

matephor: hnnnn another important sounding song. jophiel vibes. fight song perhaps?? "Don't look too hard 'cause you won't like the scars he left in me" azazel vibes??? this one is elusive to me but i love it. okay im slowly getting more azazel vibes. like azazel trying to convince jophiel that he is a demon and fell for a reason

providence: right away getting "heaven and hell r bad" vibes. OHH okay okay this is giving me hella jophiel vibes, but specificly snarky and sassy jophiel vibes. of being like "oh yes heaven is oh so great, we kill children! but its for the greater good, of course. gotta beat hell and all that, even at the cost of innocents. all for the almighty and her ineffable plan." (this song is a bop omg)

earth angel: oh i know this one but only with crowley and aziraphale, so im excited to listen to it with an oopsie omens mind set. omg wait why does it hit HARDER. love sick azazel is such a cute image 🥺🥰

what more can i do: hmm.. them being in love but knowing its "forbidden"? cant tell who i imagine with it more

starman: this is just them. classic good omens song, regardless of the au. love to see it 💖

a pearl: AH FUCK ANOTHER SAD ONE. mitski whyy. hm.. azazel song? jophiel?? i think jophiel... tho my mind might be turning to mush at this point so im not sure. one of them is sad

duvet: oh def azazel vibes. oh maybe some jophiel vibes too?? i can see it swaping povs. i think it fits azazel more tho.

ritz note: OKAY the next song is in a different language and for a split second i legit thought i was having a stroke when i pulled up the lyrics ngl bgkewrrkjq

différent de toi: no idea what this song is about but its pretty 😊

oh thats all of them! i think the first half is more coherent observations, while the second half is just... rambling a bit lmao. idk if any of this makes sense. i might also be looking for things that arent there with these songs, but oh well. this was fun!

and now, after looking back at them all, i really does just slowly derail near the end lmao

#kinda hesitant to post this #but i think i put too much work into it not to so #here we go <3 #good omens #good omens au #ritz rambles #long post

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cluelylikesporn · 5 months

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okay exam update cuz im actually really pissed off.

so im autistic + adhd, and only been diagnosed relatively recently, so i havent really been getting assistance until now. (autism diagnosis last year, adhd 2 years ago.)

my last exam was (still is) this period, and im going home once i finish it. one of my other exams i was sent to special ed (it’s called different things in australia and other schools but i dont wanna get doxxed) and the chick helping me (we’ll call her charlie) told me she couldnt even read the questions out to me… like i legit get more help in my normal exam conditions.

she told me WHILE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK “i think i know why your so upset, because you know you dont listen in class and just sleep and draw on your hand.” cunt, what..?

HOW ARE YOU WORKING WITH NEURODIVERGENT KIDS..?

i literally have spent my whole life wondering why i cant listen in class and hearing “just reread it.” or “your not listening hard enough.” is so fucking tiring. maybe explain it? she refused to help me because i “wasnt approved” to have a helper

the school knows im autistic so why do i have to be approved to get the help i need? like you dont have to make up all these forms and files. you have teachers who can help me literally in the building who could help me but you refuse.

okok i got rlly off topic but tldr on what happened today:

my teacher sent me to the special ed area to do my exam (last time he did they told me to go back) also shout out to my english teacher hes a legend. he gave me my sheet, i took a ritalin, said bye to the people i liked and left. (i used to take ritalin daily but now i jst take it to focus better in exams and shit)

i went to se and saw a couple kids i knew. one i hated and didnt know why he was there, one who has some mental problems so i understood why he was there. hes a sweetie. and some chick i knew who broke her wrist and had to write on a laptop.

so one by one they were assigned a teacher who would sit with them and help them/ read out questions and then the lady said “oh chloe your not supposed to be here, you have to go back to class.”

are you fucking kidding me.

i completely understand its not her or my teachers fault im not meant to be there, but im allowed to be a little frustrated. i asked why i kept getting sent here and why i couldn’t get help.

same shit about documents and boring stuff.

keep in mind i get ndis funding so i thought that would impact my education experience but nope, literally nothing. i also understand there could be things my mum hasnt done and that’s completely ok she has her own life, but also THE SCHOOL KNOWS IM AUTISTIC. that should be enough. its like i only get the help if i start ditching class and become an eshay or some shit like i shouldnt have to become a troubled kid to get help.

so the lady said my only benefit i even got from the school is like 5 minutes extra time. and she told me i could either go back to class or do my exam here( which means i could get no help/ questions read to me.)

ngl this was dumb of me but i said ok bc i didnt want to go back to class after saying bye to everyone😭

so i sat there with one airpod in, a pen that didnt fucking work, the only help i could get was eavesdropping on what the assistant teachers were saying but they were so quiet. i did manage to write some stuff but it was pretty fucking stressful. i couldnt stop thinking about what charlie said (the lady helping me with my maths the week before.)

this may sound super dumb but i saw a crow fly onto a table outside and i felt like it was watching over me. like it was looking right at me. it made me feel a bit better and i got some work done.

it wouldve been fine if those fucking assistant teachers didnt keep giving me pitiful looks like bro. i know im fucked.

anyway i finished my exam (barely) and went to the bathroom to tell my friend ab what happened, caught a bus home and am about to play dbd 😾

sorry for the long post im jst so pissed😭 but ily guys and ill post i swear🙏

song of the day:

#five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie #spotify #the walking dead #dead by daylight #metal #metallica #elvira #autism #adhd #spiderman #scott pilgrim #rammstein #elton john #australia #exams

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dykeluc · 23 days

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anytime a kaeya or diluc blog says "no shipping discourse" its such a red flag. im sorry but you cant just say "well sometimes i think kaeyas adopted and sometimes i dont or 'i get how people can view both" no dude. hes adopted. its explicitly stated. its not hard to write "no [any form of] incest/pedo ships on my blog please and no further discussions of it

i just dont think people get how weird it is to not openly say kaeya is adopted. he is adopted. idk if you know this but basically his whole character plot is about him being adopted 🤯🤯🤯 and dilucs is about him missing his family and how life was 🤯🤯🤯 [i mean i think their the main focus, arguments could be made otherwise, but their obviously ONE of the main focuses]

sorry but as someone who is adopted, your weird. I dont think its a red flag to not explicitly state "pedophilia shippers dont interact" because anyone who ships that well. is either a pedo or on the road to be one [abused to abuser pipeline]

(second person)

its mainly the fact that, if kaeya was biologically related, you would of said no incest. but no you say weird shit like "psudo incest" and "step incest" <- which are step doesnt apply to kaeya n diluc and pseudo incest is not a thing this context. funfact! you can say biological incest and adoptive incest, because yeah its different but the clarification shouldnt be made out of "well biological is bad bc of breeding" when half the time its [assuming both parties are cis] mlm or wlw. if your only disgust with incest is the fact its blood related and not the emotional and psychological aspects, your weird. funfact! accidental incest happens alot when a party is adopted or unknown half siblings etc! its still messes people up! both of them suck but if your only reasoning is that 'its only incest if its biological' then your weird. its only biological incest if well, ya know its biological incest.

im not saying you have to hate keluc but i think as someone whos adopted, if you interact with people who

dont think kaeya is adopted, or the people who only ship the incest because its non biological, your weird.

ive stated this before but id rather interact with an incestious proshipper who says its incest, and doesnt see it differently than biological incest and doesnt like it just bc "its not 'real' incest" when it obviously is just as real as biological.

im rambling. im just reaaaaaaaal sick of it. the way you treat fictional adoptees directly correlates (not fully but majorly) into real adoption and how you treat and see adoptees and adoptive families. just stop being weird my god.

i also am sick of people telling me not to complain about it or to keep it to myself. sorry but if i dont tell people their weird on how they treat fictional adoption and its weird to say that about fictional adoption because it shows how you treat/view real adoption to an extent then who fucking will? Most peoples knowledge on adoption is LIMITED, HIGHLY LIMITED. adoptees are an unheard minority and our issues are not spoken or talked about enough and im sure this is because adoptees are told its not important and to stay quiet. If peoples only interaction with adoption is via fiction then its a bunch of biospawns saying stuff without actual adoptees saying what is and isnt true or what isnt offensive to say/think etc. god alot of my friends are like "its mentally bad for you" okay?? okay and?? you expect me not to tell people that their being offensive? god it just feels like the same shut up mentality a bit, even if they just dont want me to be stressed out. if no one will say it, then i will, because i know adoptees out there need to hear that their thoughts and feelings are valid, because if I speak up, maybe they will too.

Im rambling. Im just angry again.

#Dykeluc rants

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tiredstressedemotionalmess · 2 months

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pleaseee talk abt Frankenstein I'd love to hear what u have to say!! 🥰🥰

JUST REMEMBERED IVE HAD THIS ASK SITTING IN MY INBOX FOR A BIT I WAS SAVING IT FOR A RAINY DAY WHEN I NEEDED AN EXCUSE TO LET THE THOUGHTS OUT OHHHHH OKAY

so i saw a post on here a long fucking time ago essentially saying "stop saying something defies nature when you really mean it defies god" and for some reason i have not been able to stop thinking abt it lately bc like. okay.

when we read Frankenstein in class a few months ago, my teacher asked us the question after we'd finished the book: "should victor have created the monster?" and the general consensus was "no, because he was defying nature and creating an abomination- it was a mistake on his part, an act of ignorance and hubris." and like. even then i was of the opinion that victor shouldnt have made the creature, but that doesnt mean the creature shouldnt have been made, yknow? just that victor should not have been the one to do it because he was incapable of taking responsibility of it

and now i just cant stop thinking about the almost cycle of like. what nature says and how this plays into its creation because heres the thing. it was possible. if something truly defied the natural order, it wouldnt be possible right?? change is nature- evolution and progress is nature. the fact that it was possible for the creature to be made means its within the realm of nature right? like there was no magic involved, nothing supernatural- it was literally all natural science that victor applied to discover the secret of life and shit. so if you look at it through this lens then it totally follows my original thought, theres no reason that the creature shouldnt exist, but victor should not have been the one to create him

EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT ONE OF THE CORE TRUTHS OF THE NOVEL AND ONE OF THE REASONS I RESONATE WITH THE STORY SO MUCH IS THAT THE CREATURE AT A FUNDAMENTAL LEVEL IS INCAPABLE OF BEING ACCEPTED BY SOCIETY. thats why he begs victor for a companion, he knows he will always be alone and no one will ever truly empathize with him. his entire life story sees him attempting to fit in with the beauty of the world, and only finding pain and suffering. and so now im stuck with this eternal debate in my mind, is this because he actually is an unnatural creation that he is unable to find a home? or is his being deemed unnatural a symptom of the very thing preventing him from being accepted by the world: humanity's fear/hatred of that which is different. and i just. im so stuck with this concept, this back and forth of nature vs the unnatural and where the creature falls in this spectrum; how much of nature is determined by us? im gay as fuck and incredibly transgender; people scream abomination at me all the time and that makes me more inclined to say unnatural is a meaningless word in this context. hes unnatural the same way i am, that is to say not at all because we both fucking exist. but then my brother brought up the fact that he is made up of corpses and theres the issue with desecration of the dead and lack of consent with ones body parts being reanimated but thats less unnatural to me and more unethical. and maybe thats the reason this is sticking with me so much because everyone around me was acting like this was a question of nature when really its a question of ethics. and maybe thats what my teacher meant and was trying to get at, but my classmates took it the nature route because everyone takes it the nature route (with good reason i think for how much they bring up the same topics in the text itself). but i really dont think nature matters in this context, so much as the ethics behinds victors actions before and after creating the creature

this is barely a conclusion and yet its the one ive arrived to so. thanks for the excuse to ramble, hopefully these thoughts make more sense written out than they do in my head

#asks #save #look i promise i have deeper things to say abt the novel than this #ive just been thinking a lot abt this class discussion recently and this internal debate has been bugging me to death #its all the stuff i wish i couldnt brought up then but didnt have the words to in the momrnt yk?

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ikeupedia · 10 months

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pairings. classmate! Riki x fem reader

sypnosis. reader is about to confess to riki but someone did it first.

wc. 0.7k

genre. a tiny little bit of angst

warnings. cliffhanger, swear words

note. this is my first time writing 😭😭 so it might be a lil corny 🏃‍♀️ tell me if i did anything wrong?

italicized texts - thoughts

MAY 24TH, the day you and riki met. usually both of you would celebrate it, but since exams are coming, you arent sure if you guys would be able to celebrate

You won't lie you do miss riki alot, it's been awhile since both of you hung out. stupid exams

"God I can't wait for the exams to end, I'm so drained from studying." you say as you pack your things from the library and leave. I wonder if riki and I will be able to celebrate? Lost in your own thoughts, you did not notice your surroundings and bumped into someone.

thump

"ow-" you said. You were about to fall when a certain person catched you.

"be careful y/n" you look up to see... riki, such perfect timing you thought to yourself

"Thanks riki.. sorry for bumping into you" ill use this opportunity to ask if we could celebrate..

"It's no problem y/nie" riki says.

"i was thinking if we could celebrate? for you know.." I say as i look on his lips, fighting the urge to kiss him. if only i could confess but i'm scared of ruining of our friendship

"oh sur-" he was about to reply when someone called him.

"Riki!" his friend calls him. "What's up man? You still down for later?"

Riki stands there frozen, shit i forgot about my plans with jake.. i'll just celebrate with y/n tomorrow he thinks

"yeah jake, you don't have to tell me twice" he rolls his eyes.

the atmosphere gets awkward as you watch them interact with eachother, i guess he's busy today, we'll just celebrate another time.

Riki then turns to you, staring at you with those eyes you love most. If he keeps staring at me like that im gonna melt

"hey um.. i'm a bit busy today but we can celebrate tomorrow though? If you're cool with that" the boy says

"oh yeah totally! Im fine with it, I understand.." I am not fine, its been days since you guys hung out! Yet he chooses to be with jake rather than celebrating with you

Feeling dejected, you walk away and go home to call jungwon

jw: so, have you confessed yet?

y/n: no.. im too scared, what if i ruin our friendship?

jw: come on y/n.. you know it's not healthy to bottle your feelings up, it's best if you just confess already!

y/n: it's not that easy wonie.. I don't even think he likes me back

jw: it'll be fine y/nie..

jw: i have to go now ill see you tomorrow

y/n: alright.. bye won!

you sigh, jungwon always had your back and you were grateful for it. At some point you feel that you like jungwon a bit..

crushing on jungwon?!

why would i even like jungwon? Ive been curshing on riki for almost a year.. now that i see it, jungwon always had a way to make me smile.. his cat eyes..

"I shouldnt be thinking of this." I shake my head. what is wrong with me? Maybe jungwon is the one afterall

--- MAY 25, after exams

"okay this is it" i'm finally going to confess, he might reject but i don't care anymore. Im going to try my shot

I walk through the halls looking for riki "where the hell is that kid" i was having a hard time finding him since it's crowded..

"found him!" I quickly run to him but abruptly stopped due to what i saw..

Riki was kissing another girl!

I guess I was too late.. I immediately try to walk away but i guess he saw me

"Y/n!" well shit

i turn around and see riki waving at me with his hands around that girls shoulder. Every step i take towards them shatters my heart

"hey riki!" i say trying not to sound broken, tears are starting to form

"are you okay? you look like you're about to cry.." Goddamn he noticed

"oh it's just about the exams, i got a low score" great lie y/n

"just so you know grades dont define you okay?"

"yeah i know.." i cant stand it anymore.. i feel like im about to burst into tears

"also meet my girlfriend!" wow girlfriend huh.. i feel my heart drop, i guess i really am too late

"congrats riki! you better treat her right, anyways i have to go bye!" i say as i run away from the both of them

i arrive home balling my eyes out, i call the first person that comes into my mind..

Jungwon

JUNGWON AND READER END UP BEING TOGETHER?????!? who knows

#jungwon #riki x y/n #riki nishimura #enhypen #riki enhypen #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen x reader #nishimura niki #niki x reader #ni ki x y/n #ni ki enhypen #niki smau

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inutaffy · 1 year

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“you’ve always been jealous of me!”

“maybe that’s bc you were always splinters favorite!”

“raph. i love you bro.”

DO YOU SEE. DO YOU SEE. THE DUCKCIJF SHIFT IN TBEIR EXPRESSIONS MAN TBE FJCKFGMOFYHEFNEN GHE WAY. THATS HIS BROTHER MAN THATS HIS FUCKFJFG. OUGH. I HATE THIS STUPID SHOW WHAG THE ACTUAL FUCK. THE. THE. “JEALOUS?!” SO MUCH OF HIS EMOTIONS TRANSLATE TO ANGER OR JEALOUSY TOWARDS OTHERS AND IT DRIVES ME FUCKINF CRAZY. MAYBE IT WAS AT FIRST (aka beginning of s1) BUT IT ISNT NOW AND THATS FHE WHOLE POINT THAGS THE WHOLE DUCKIJF POINT. HE ISNT JUST JEALOUS AND AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES BRO IS JUST 16 AND WATCHING HIS WHOLE PLANET GET DESTROYED. BRO IS 16 WATCHING HIS FATHER MURDERED IN FRONT OF HIM. BRO IS 16 AND WATCHING WHILE HIS OLDER BROTHER BASICALLY BECOMES AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON RIGHT BEFORE HIS FUCKING EYES, PICKING UP EVERY BURDEN EVER AND JUST SOLDIERING ON LIKE THIS IS SO FUCKIJF AWFUL.

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

ANYWAYS.

SO YEAH MAYBE HE DOES WISH HE WAS LEADER IF ONLY SO IT MEANT LEO DIDNT HAVE TO BE. IF ONLY SO LEO COULD BE LEO FOR A MINUTE BC YOU KNOW WHAG RAPH IS???? RAPH IS GUILTY. RAPH FEELS SO FUCKING GUILTY ALL THE DUCKIJF TIME AND I DOMT HAVE THE ABILITY TO GO INTO THAT RIGHT NOW SO YOURE JUST GONNA HAVE TO TRUST ME. TRUST ME ON TBIS I AM RIGHT ABOUT THIS. I CANT DUCKIJG STAND FBIS SHOW.

AND TBH I DONT BLAME RAPH. LIKE IF MYYYYY OLDER BROTHER GOT PROMOTED ONE DAY AND STARTED TRYING TO PULL RANK ON ME I WOULD BE A BITCH ABOUT IT TOO. THE FUCK. MAKE ME ASSHOLE. YEAH. BUT ALSO. AS THE ELDEST DAUGHTER. AND JUST YK. AS ME. I AM ME. ANOTHER THING IS THAT LEO IS JUST. IMPRESSIONABLE? A LITTLE BIT? ESP IN THE EARLY SEASONS. WHICH MAN I CAN RELATE TO. BITCH FIXATED ON A TV SHOW AND MADE IT HIS WHOLE PERSONALITY WHICH I LOVE FOR HIM BUT GOTDAMN. LEO LITERALLY GOES INTO BATTLE IN S1 QUOTING HIS SPACE HEROES SHOW AND MAKING STUPID ONE LINERS AND TRYING TO BE ALL HEROIC BUT IT JUST COMES OFF AS DORKY AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH. IT MAKES ME SAD. HE’S FOLLOWING EXAMPLES AND HE WANTS TO IMPRESS AND HE WANTS TO DO GOOD OK HE WANTS TO GET A GOOD GRADE IN CHILD WHICH IS NORMAL TO WANT AND POSSIBLE TO ACHIVE LIKE LEO IDEALIZES SPLINTER THAT IS HIS DAD MAN HE STRIVES FOR HIS APPROVAL. I DONT CARE WHAT MY DAD HAS TO SAY MOST OF THE TIME BUT FAVING HIS DISSAPOINEMENT???? FUCKINF AWFUL.

AND THEN THE DUCKING KRAANG HAPPEN AND SPLINTER TELLS HIM TO PREPARE FOR LOSSES. PREPARE TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. AND HE REALIZES OH SHIT IS FR. UHM. OKAY. SO MAYBE THIS LEADING ISNT ALL I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. AND HE EXPRESSES THIS. MULTIPLE TIMES. THROUGHOUT THE FIRST AND SEVOND SEASON. AND THEN BE JUST STOPS. BRINING IT UP ALL TOGETHER. HE JUST STOPS. LIKE. DUDE. DUDE. HE WANTED TO BE LEADER SO BAD AT FIRST AND THEN THE HORRORS CAME FOR HIM. HE WAS NOT READY. NOW DONT GET ME WRONG, LEOS IN GENERAL ARE FUCKIJG CRAZY MAN THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT, LEO IS FULLY CAPABLE OF BEING THE LEADER HE JUST. HE WASNT FUCKING READY YET MAN. HE WAS 15. IM GONNA FUCKINF CRY.

NOT TO MENTION. IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT. HE’S KINDA ELEVATED TO THIS PEDESTAL AND NOW HE’S DUCKINF STUCK THERE MAN. LEO KEEPS TRYING TO BE THEIR LEADER AND TO HIM, THAT MEANS HE HAS TO DO IT ALONE. HE’S THE LEADER. YES HE KNOWS THAT HIS BROTHERS WILL BE THERE FOR HIM HE KNOWS THAT HE ISNT ALONE BUT THAT DOESNT CHANGE THE FACT THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY HE IS THEIR LEADER AND HE HAS TO BE ABLE TO STAND ON HIS OWN AND THAT MENTALITY BLEEDS INTO EVERYTHING ELSE AND RAPH (and the others tbh. fuckijg everyone) JUST WANT THEIR FUCKING DORKY CRINGEFAIL LOSER BIG BROTHER BACK. DO YOU UNDERSTAND.

#damn #no blood #i need a medal for readinf all that and you need a medal for writing all ghat

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yuukei-yikes · 1 year

Note

What are your post-str Shinaya hcs?

this got so long. its my blog i am not putting a read more. deal with it. its shinaya hour

i want and need a role reversal. i want drama. post str shinaya break up without even being together first. ayano keeps waiting for shintaro to Do something because she's like. okay its been 2~ years and by now she CRINGES at remembering how she acted around him so shes like ok i CANNOT cling to him like that AGAIN. if he wants to come around he will but shintaro is yknow. like that. so obviously he fucking doesnt like honestly hes still sort of acting the same around her like less mean but still a bit dismissive, mostly out of embarrassment though cuz mekatrio wants to kill him+harutaka and momo tease him when he has Moments with ayano so he kinda wants to spare himself that embarrassment so hes like sweet in private then cold in public and ayanos like ????????????????????? does he like me or not what is going ON but also ayano and her amazing awesome self steem issues are like he fucking HATES me im the most annoying person in the world !!!!!!

so she eventually keeps her distance and obviously he notices and shintaros like oh fuck i messed UP because now theres like this sort of misunderstanding and the only way to clear it up is healthy communication but you know DAMN WELL he wont do that but somehow he finds it less mortifying to go around looking like a kicked puppy in a wet cardboard box around her desperately trying to get her attention making ayano even MORE confused.

eventually after a while of being in a circus i think hed get the balls to ask her out himself. probably bc of haruka/takane/momo telling him he's a fucking idiot bitch. anyways i think shintaro tries to kiss ayano and they hit their faces against each others and it really hurts💗🙏

btw thats only them getting together i think. but also that's how they break up and get back together over and over and over with like the exact same precedure everytime. on and off shinaya my beloved.

anc duhhh obviously im gonna talk abt the yuukei quartet Have u met me. takanes like another funny part of the whole thing like i know ive talked abt it but im obsessed with codependent shintaka *holds head* bc ayanos jealous of takane for how vulnerable shintaro is with them unlike with her and takane is individually close to both so shes kinda being dragged by both of them but especially shintaro forcing them to play as their relationship therapist and she fucking hates it but someone has to fucking do it apparently because shintaro and ayano cant talk like normal people. haruka keeps more distance than takane like its something they need to do themselves yknow and tells takane they shouldnt rly get in the way but shinaya KEEP going to her and also takanes insane and still feels responsible for shintaro bc (gestures at the whole ene thing) yeah so its tough for her to say no. like takanes obsessed with shintaro plus sees how pathetic shinaya are being and takane enomoto when they decide to obsess over others so they dont have to think about herself am i right😃<- what haruka tells her . she does not appreciate the comment. the whole thing also causing harutaka drama ougghhh shinaya is so messy that theyre contagious. but haruka is the 1 yuukei quartet member with any emotional intelligence so harutaka have actual communciation so theyre more caught up abt this being like a sorta messed up thing between the whole group and their relationships. on and off shinaya ft unwilling(?) relationship therapist takane ft an even more unwilling haruka who just wants his damn girlfriend to stop cancelling their dates to go stop shintaro from crying at ayanos feet begging her to take him back for the second time this month

ok and.........actual Break Up shinaya where its like Enough for ayano bc thats a fucking insane relationship to have so shes like lol maybe i should get therapy👍 and shintaro again is pathetic and desperately trying to gain her affections back but he just looks so pathetic and its funny. they dont rly stop hanging out bc they wouldnt do that and also its not like shintaro will just leave the dan LOL but thru it all the mekatrio are like KILLING HIM with their eyes especially kano god dont get me started on the one sided(?) kanoshin of it all. i love kano and shintaro having this weird fucking tension during the breakup augh kano little meowmeow the amount of self hatred he feels ok im getting sidetracked shinaya ends up together again basically. in my sitcom delusion shintaro finishes his first song Ever and its abt her and then she hears it everywhere and its so damn embarrassing bc theyre broken up but she still likes him so much it makes her look stupid amd the stupid song brings them back together ummmm sorry. my shinaya era (holds head) i will study them under a microscope

#headcanons #I'm trying to stop apologizing for givint long answers cuz like #u asked also its well known im a talking machine and also its my kageblog. this is EXACTLY what the blog is for.#ask tag #ayashin divorce

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goremet-chef · 10 months

Text

vent

i was talking to my grandma and she mentioned the bag on the bookcase in the room shes staying in, and reached for it kinda playfully like obviously not seriously and she said "its artemis" and i jolted my hand back so fast i nearly fell backwards into the door

my brain like.. seized up for a moment

any hopes i had that maybe just maybe she was still alive is obviously crushed to bits now

i hate when she talks about that stuff like im supposed to feel okay with it. i know shes old and shes lost A LOT of pets so she knows how to cope with it, but ive only really lost like.. 4 total

the problem is that those are the only losses i feel? when my family members die i dont feel sad and i dont really mourn, just kinda.. dissociated for a bit and i make sure to be easy on my family when theyre mourning yknow, but i guess thats cuz i think animals dont deserve it, cuz they dont

to me theyre the purest life, because they dont have a mind to hurt people (minus like. dolphins 💀) it tears me up inside because out of anyone, it shouldnt be them

but everything dies. im STILL coming to terms with that

i would have dreams about my grandma dying when i was younger in like. INCREDIBLY violent ways and i woke up next to her and asked her if she was gonna die, and she told me not anytime soon

i was like... 7? maybe? when that happened, 13 years later and im still coming to terms with it. i remember i was on my other grandmas bed in tears when i was 9 because i realized everyone was gonna die and it felt so unfair

it still feels unfair

ive spent my entire life terrified of when i might go, and it keeps me from living at this point. wont ever get on a plane cuz if i do, thats the one thatll decide to crash. never go on a boat because a storm will kill us and ill die in the worst place possible. wont meet new people cuz they probably will kill me, wont eat something if i dont know what it is cuz itll probably kill me, etc etc

theres no.. like theres no point saying "wow i wish death didnt happen" because everyone wishes that. this isnt a unique fear, but man it feels like no one around me is as scared about it as i am. i have to look up like "how to stop being afraid of death" online and its so. it feels as embarrassing as looking up how to talk to people but i need both of those

it didnt really help, though. still terrified, still waiting. yknow how it is

#pet death #tw pet death #death #tw death

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bootlegfrank · 8 months

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I got that picky eater autism the way I don’t even know what food those things you mentioned are DDDDD: you like them so they must be good asf hehehe cooking for me would be fun bc there’s sm stuff I haven’t tried!! My favorite type of food is Italian probably and (this is so fucking stereotypical of me) I really love burgers and fries and steak😭😭😭😭😭 I’m going to ask the stupidest question okay do you guys have Olive Garden? I’m not asking because I think its peak Italian food rather I’m curious if you guys have it hehehe OMG THE HUMAN MEAT THING HAHWJWJDHD you being unhinged towards me I love it<333 I know you tell me to not hold back but you better not be either okay;) I’m actually really sensitive when it comes to taste like I can tell when things are off so I would know something is off, but I don’t think I would suspect it’s human meat but knowing you maybe I actually would. Your eagerness STOPPPPPP JUST LIKE HANNIBAL and just like Hannibal, you know a lot about human meat cooking AKAKSJDJDJDJ HOW DID YOU LEARN ALL OF THIS? I find it very interesting though, so thank you for sharing hehehe SEE that’s why we love Hannibal and Will they’re fucking insane together<33333333 they’re making me so much worse it’s bad LMFAO I’m so unhinged now kill me before it gets worse

DAMN RIGHT THEY SHOULDNT MESS WITH YOU<3333 PLAYFIGHT WITH ME!!!! I haven’t in so long JUST NO BREAKING MY GLASSES if someone broke my glasses when I play fought with them, I think I’d actually murder them props to you for not doing that ALSO SAME people underestimate my ability as well when it comes to play fighting >:)))))) OH YEAHHHH I kick hard as fuck too hehehe OOOOO you thought about me while reblogging that?????????? AaaaaahHhhHhhajajshdhdh that makes me so !!!!!!!!! I love that you thought about me while reblogging something:] my cute lil vampire<33333 ribs are cool!!! I saw this wild gif the other day of like…the organs expanding in there I was like 👁️ I’m so disconnected from the idea that these organs are in me like the other day I was like (PLS DONT ROAST ME THIS SOUNDS DUMB) “oh my God there’s literally a skeleton inside me right now. What the fuck” I swear I have this realization every couple of months, freak out and then forgot about it until I freak out over it again BAHAHAHAHA it’s such a weird thought to me. Awee nooooo it’s so hot there you must be excited though bc it’ll be colder soon!!! And then you can wear your more elaborate fits:] I think all of yours are cool baby even the more “basic” ones you probably look so good in your oversized band tees<3333

I’m glad you liked it so much;) Of course you do you’re perfect<33333 and all mine<333333333 Look at you being so good for me and knowing you belong to me. That’s better<33333 Damn I should’ve stopped holding back my possessiveness ages ago fuck haha if I knew you liked it like this I would’ve goddamn. You know tonight I was thinking about you again (let’s be real when am I not) and I was thinking about how I want you to ruin me until I can’t think straight. I had my shirt in my mouth and I realized later that I bit hard on it without even realizing hehe there was this big bite mark on the shirt WKQJWJSHDHDHDH like you could see the teeth n everything it was crazy I didn’t realize I was biting that hard oops >.>

Hehe I've got picky eater autism too, but that's why I love cooking so much, I get to decide exactly what is in my food! I'd love to introduce you to new foods! I can make you some delicious Italian gnocchi <3 I loove me a good home-made hamburger too, me and my housemate make the most delicious hamburgers, she gets to put her hands in the ground beef and mix everything together while I tip the ingredients in x) It's not a stupid question! Olive Garden isn't a thing here, but many American fast food chains don't exist here :( (We don't have Wendy's cuz there's one singular restaurant in the country that trademarked the name before Wendy's could xD That restaurant is also a front for a weed shop btw) Hehe I promise I won't hold back either cutie <3 I've always been morbidly curious about cannibalism, but I started researching it in earnest for my Serial Killer Cannibal Frank fic. I've got some graphics saved, but most of my 'knowledge' is just me extrapolating information I know about cooking other meats hehe. Human is very similar to pork in the way that it's prepared and how the fat renders down and such, so all you need is to compare human cuts of meat to where those cuts would exist on a pig and take the fat content and muscle denseness into account :] They're sooooo insane together and I fucking love it, not enough characters get to be insane like that <33

Yesss I wanna playfight with you, see how much strength you've got in that cute little body of yours <3 I won't break your glasses if you don't break mine xD I think about you a lot hehe, whenever I see something that reminds me of you <3 Ohhfuck that gif sounds so cool! Yeah it's kinda insane to think about what's going on inside of you. I got kind of a slap in the face the other day while I was talking to people who stopped taking biology somewhere in high school, cuz they didn't realise there's a different fluid between your cells than blood. They thought your body is just kind of a blood sack, and I don't think I could live with having that little knowledge of what's going on underneath my own skin haha. It's so so soooo hot :(( I'm sweaty and ill every day because of the heat :( Can't wait for it to be winter so I can think about you cuddling me to keep warm-- and another methods to keep warm ;) <3

All yours, baby <3 Just like you're all mine <3 I'd love to ruin you, want you to be delirious, can't think straight, can't even say proper words <33 You're so cute with that bitemark on your shirt <33 If I'd put my fingers in your mouth would you bite down on them like that too? Leave me a nice little mark to run my fingers over and look at? You'd be the cutest all ruined by me like that, with your pretty noises for me and pretty eyes looking up at me, do you think I could make you cry, cutie? I bet you'd look so pretty. I'd wipe away your tears after we're all done and taste them, I want every part of you <3

#i dont usually get the chance to answer you so early in the day <33 #asks

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naalamuse · 10 months

Text

This is about youu, chunke!

I have talked about you to few people a million times that they doesnt want to hear your name from my mouth anymore. You are the indirect situationship i had that i cant stop thinking about. but this post is the end to it. all this time i have never been fully honest but this tine, its gonna be real.

okay, you met me at a vulnerable point of time. i was in a relationship maly into that person. i even planed a life with him, wanted to settle down and even arrived at a date 2031 to get married with him. the number of kids everything. I loved him, and i dont hsve any grudges now.

But, in college i was unhappy. i always ran to my bf in phone(i had a b set in first year) and talked to him. i was scared of everybody. I had severe issues ands i judged me a lot. i did notice you and i liked you for some reason. like i knew i would like to be friends with you.

Mybe it was becuase you were friendly with everyone and i wanted to be like that. but i was so scared and when you did approach me(just like others) i ran away, or i ignored. later on you told me that i looked like i had no interest. the truth was that i was so interested that i knew i would ruin it or people will see through me, or already is seeing my weaknesses.

then we started talking. how? yh you talked to me at my weakest times. what happened was that i was so sad and i was scared of people that i was crying that day, and you understood. so yopu asked ...i guess.

I was pretty surprised. i still remember the haopiness. becayse someone noticed and that someone was alrady liked by me.

and we started tal;kinhg.

we started talking so much that we even talkede about deep stuff. i talked about my sexual stuffs, and you were too re assuring. ytpu said i was your bestfriend and thats the reason why you are telling all that. i was also happy to hear that. i loved you a lot but not like in a relationship way because at that time also i was in a relationship i was talking about yopu to him. he was happy too. that's another story.anywqays we became close. i trusted you.

the things we talked include stuff that normal people done really share. or atleast i wouldnt have. thats why i was so attached with you.then all of a sudden, some stuffs changed.

i hink i fely bad when you asked me for friends with benefits in t or d game. i then tried to make it nrmal but it never bvecame. so it was weird.

but it really hurt me. i was scared and i even asked you later on and ypu said you didnt tell anyone but maybe am hallucinating bvut sometimes i feel like evryone knopws./ i am scared of that?

but am rembvvboning all that scary parts for now. and ever. even if the world knows about things , the intimate stuff, its not the worst thing ever. its not okay but i can deal with t. i dont want to be ashamnerd of my self. sex isnt npothing to be ashamed of and sicussing it with a best friewnd who i thought so is ok. noww what?after that i did trell that all out to others when i got druk. that was sick of me. i shouldnt have done that. adu vendarnu.,

i dont want to keep grudges too.i became obsessed wiht him, thought about a lot an ffinally fell for him. i fell for him becuase he left me and made e feel s[epacial and nothing at the same time. it all happened oin 2021 and here i am in 2023 stiull thinking about him.

okay, this is an open letter to you. i realy liked you. i wanted you to be there i m,y life. i liked you i really mean it. i had grudge too, a bit. but i liked you thats the truth. but i am letting you go, because i liked you because iogf my own trauma and theres nothing about you that i actually want. i don not like you, i just like the idea. i didnt want to progress in my life becauyse i wasnt ready so i took you asnd putr ypu asxz my love or something. nbnow its gone becuaeeam not stupid anymore. no more all that. i have a life so i doint have time for this anymore.

i am not gonna say this to anyone, that i wrote here and all, because no one needs to now. only myself.

my bigger regret is telling people about it, it was a mistake and to rectify it, i need to stop all this.

you are not in my mind anymore. i am so happy tpo finaaly allopwing myself to breath and toi stop in this day dream. once i stop day dreaming about you, i can start living my life.

i am following you on instagram, lets see. am donme with you ansd fpfgr that i can allow myelf that.

ok i followed you, you are having a public ac.

i am finally ready to live my life without neing revolved around by you.

#am done with past

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cutlikediamonds · 11 months

Text

060423

i feel so in limbo right now idk how else to describe it. my online class for the summer started, its a foreign language and its a heavy ass workload and we meet 3 nights a week for 3 hours, and im of course studying and doing assignments outside of that. im exhausted to say the least but i also really love it. but it makes it harder to starve myself or work out. i used to go on walks a lot but now when i have a bit of free time im just worn out from everything else and want to do nothing. and im definitely not overeating or bingeing which is good but i also am not restricting as well as i know i can because i like,, cant afford to not have the energy to focus yknow? one thing about me, i may take hurting myself seriously but i also like taking my studies seriously. and both are very precarious things, its kinda like lighting in a bottle when either of those are going well and i never wanna do anything to fuck it up. so i dont wanna risk fucking up my studies after how much work i put into them. but i also know i want lose weight like this. i wont gain either, at least i shouldnt, but im feeling more and more uncomfortable in my body and weight every day so i might as well be gaining thats what it feels like.

i dont know, i havent weighed myself in a couple days so.. maybe thatll be a pick-me-up tomorrow morning? maybe ive continued losing the past couple days and not just maintained like im expecting? please universe? wouldnt that be nice.

if ive maintained or gained... i dont even know. thats the limbo feeling im talking about. or maybe just dissociation. i dont want to be devastated by it, i dont want to be distracted by it and lose my focus on school, i dont want to hate myself, so when its not going well i just go numb instead. its a mix of dread and numbness, like im just barely stopping myself from losing myself over it.

i just feel so disgusted by myself. why cant i ever have both? its always either i feel good about my body and eating (when im starving and being super disordered but in control) but the rest of my life is in shambles, or im finally doing well with the rest of my life but i can never fully feel happy because i still fucking hate my body and feel so much guilt and dread around eating. why cant i ever just be okay. why do i always have to choose one over the other. im so sick of it.

but ill keep trying. i havent had much today, like a bowl of cheerios and then cheese and crackers, but also both of those things were def more calories than i wanted them to be, and i still have dinner left. (i cant skip it when im at home its too obvious). so idk maybe itll be fine. i know logically im not over eating, im not an unhealthy eater, and yet everything i put in my body feels like im a failure and like im never gonna feel okay in my body. its so exhausting.

anyway. i have work to do.

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anakinskywalkerog · 1 year

Note

aha i love machete anon! that's cute and really adorable, although the unhinged one i dont think i would choose. i think id choose it tofay, because i deserve it...

re machete boi : duly noted. as padme said - "i am not foolish enough to make the same mistake twice!". should definitely find a cute boy and aks him to hang, even if its just platonic - im sure machete would have a fit

im annoyed that he chose to stop snapping me although he still keeps seeing my stories like wtf

10 Things I Hate About You by Leah Kate has never been so relatable. who gave her the right to write pure fax like that???

he and the "friend" who told him were talking and laughing today and i thought they were looking my way although hes a bit of a smiley person so maybe i shouldnt take it personally. i hope.

re the scandal (SCANDAL ANON SCANDAL ANON THATS PERFECT! RIGHT? RIGHT?) i now have to deal with radioactive fallout and apologize to the girl who i (very horribly) trashed in said doc

im an idiot, i know

and hopefully its still okay, although i think im finally over him, still think hes hot, although i dont like him anymore fs. its hard to like someone after they did stuff like he did.

sometimes i fear someone ik is also a follower of yours and they read this and be like "... wait a minute, i know this story-" but almost no one is a star wars fan and no one simps for anakin XD lucky me i guess lmaoooo

all ik is summat bad has happened with machete boi because hes acting like he knows something and i dont like it at all

hey i am also fully unhinged. best way to be 🤷‍♀️

yeah if you find a cute new boy to hang with, you might forget all about machete boy, which it seems like is what he deserves

also i totally understand the fear of people finding you out, but people forget things easily…so, if you forget about it and move on, they likely will too. this is what i tell myself whenever i do something really embarrassing 🤦‍♀️

#answered asks

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nerdinfakeglasses · 2 years

Text

20 facts about me

Knowing with me

Here are the facts about me

Lets begin now

Hi I am Ashley Laine Lim

18 years of age

I am commonly known in Malaysia as

Ashley Park instead of Ashley Lim,

Because my Grandpa is a half Korean which is the last name is park,so i used it as a screen name in school

My mom is pure chinese

Then my dad is half korean,1/4 Pilipino(because his dad is a half Pilipino too) and 1/4 chinese.were a lot of mix blood actually

I can speak,tagalog,english,not yet very fluent in chinese,a little bit korean(and now currently studying Bisaya language)And a BM language

I currently living here in the Philippines for 2 years alr

Im a typical spoiled brat and wicked actually

I am also choosy about on foods

Im very quite in real life ,but in social media i am some of those annoying and faggot thingy you know...because i cannot see them...

I rarely hang out since i came here unexpected...the vacation supposed to be ..and end up living here for 2 years because of the pandemic...

My mom job is a prosecutor

And while my dad is some an CIA hahaha damn i shouldnt be saying this for my protection then

Anyway...its doesnt matter then

Im with my cousin,my mom nephew

I'm now currently studying Form 5 subjects for my SPM exam this year or maybe next year...its depends..soon ill be coming back from my hometown,but not sure yet..i still have to talk about my dad on it

My soul was reach in the philippines because of a tragic happened in my life past 2 years ago..

When i was in form 4 i have this special someone

Lets call him "Whee"

Whee is in another school which is in Boys school

We met accidentally during my tuition class which is happened when i am in form 2 ,and we became close as i didnt expected it,like i said im quite shy and introvert in real life..alright,so he added me in facebook,get my hp number,we eventually become so close by always talking...sometimes he went to my school ,then send me home like that ,when we reach form 4,he kinda change abit....he slowly giving a hint that he likes me,well i am too young at the time so i dont mind at all...besides dating at the age of 16 years old is not in my vocabulary... too young to fall inlove...nah,his a typical guy ,so handsome,and a quite demonic...his perfect for my attitude...he always says i like you,willing to wait until your ready...we dont need to rush things ...and i told him,not yet really in my mind having a bf ah...but then i alr have a crush on him...1 year ago...his nice actually and caring all his time ,was only for me...he didnt change despite of pushing him always...he gotta say only...alright i know were both too young for this but then my heart beat only for you...willing to wait until you turn 18 years old...there's nothing change ash,you still the girl i like from the momenth i saw you in that tuition class....then ,in middle of form 3 he start going to my house,talking to my dad,my mom,they become close,we even study together in my house..and parents got trust him on everything...sometimes dad gotta told him that pls send ashley home Leo...then Whee gotta say okay uncle i love that..dont worry ill take care of your previous daughter......then its nearly Januaryhe start asking me hang out,eating outside,then my parents gotta say okay,dont go home late,dont do stupid things...like that..i thought my parents gotta approved him to become my bf ,but instead they start banning Whee of coming to our house,which is im a bit sad..ofcourse i used to him always by my side...and all of a sudden he will go far away from me..i didnt see it coming...i cry hard everynight because Whee has no access to my life anymore..my dad become more strict about me,he always there waiting for me in school,sending me back to our house...we also stop talking to each other which is new with me...no more good morning,good evening,no more i missed you,because dad confiscate my phone,he doesnt want me to talk to Whee anymore...he said Whee is not good for me because his not a chinese...cut that crap then...and one time my dad has a business trip with Whee's father so that night he sent a text with me that his dad and my dad is going to business trip for 1 week,lets go hang out ,i really missed you alr..no more calls,text and chat..i want to spent my whole 1 week with you so can we met outside your house...ill be waiting there for you...pls go out with me??he asked me like that ,but while me thinking hard,what if my dad knows,what if we gotta get caught ?? Whats worst scenario going to happen with us..??what if i tell him lets stop seeing each other?it could save us from danger ....but because im too imprudent i said yes with him..not thinking 1000 of thought what gonna be happened if we go out with out my papa's approval..so we agreed to go in pavilion KL,and thats the most unforgettable moments of mylife that i dont wanna talked about..i regret alot ...if i only listened to my parents,if i only tried to talked things out with Whee then things would be in different now....i shouldn't be ruining someeone else life,if i ,talked to him sincerely,he is still in Malaysia living a life he wants to be...damn,they are right...regret is always in the end..

We haven't yet reach to pavilion KL when that car crashed happen....his the one driving the car and im next to him which is in the passenger seat....we didnt see it coming the big truck...and its too late for him to brake ....the moment i saw him in blood ,i wanted to kill myself for being too stupid ...while his out of his senses i keep calling someone help...my whole body is shaking,i even forgot i can call 211 for help..just because im too overwhelmed of what happened i forgot how i still keep hugging his blooded body and shaking him...if your going to die i better die there too,i know your parents gonna haunt me forever for what happened with you...and i was right really ...because your mom wants me to be in prison at that time....oh how i wish im the one lying in the coffin not you...im the one to be blamed...after my long coma,the hatred awaited me ,instead of asking how i am?? But i didnt hear that from your parents..i stead they are cursing me nonstop..i didnt even attend your funeral....i was in distressed knowing your alr gone,how can you so fast leaving me all alone...i thought you said ,you wont leave me until the end but you end up leaving me in agony and in traumatic situation...all along i thought your here for me...comfort me to those who bullied me but then again,you leave me in my crying heart out ....i wanted to hug you one last time but its too late for mw to do that....i blamed for what happened with you...there's no such happy things happened with me the momenth your gone,i lost all my hopes...i wanted to end my life then....i wanted to shut down the whole world for me....i wana be with you for the rest of my life but how can i if my parents get on me cutting my wrisk to end everything on me....i missed you like crazy...i dont know how to begun my life that time....even now....i silently blaming myself for being stupid ....you should be here smiling at me and teasing with me nonstop....but then everything change just a glimpsed of my eye.....you've long gone...and i bet your the most perfect bf i have then....so now its been more than two years but i am still stuck with you...and i lately i talked to stranger which is also same as your name...and that hits me different...the moment i knew his name,all the things im trying hard to forget about you..it came flushing back that makes me more get hurt and lonely...i do not know why i easily attached with him....i always fight for him everytime he ignored me and no time for me...i am not like that with you before...maybe im inlove with him,or maybe i see him as you... i do not know exactly....but then the way he cared for me ....it all remember me with you....should i stay aways from him??i dont want to replace you in my heart...even if i have to get hurt...i should be the one to stay away from him....it all good for us both...since he didnt sure about his feelings for me...he said he love me but his words is very opposite of his action ....i dont know either.....maybe his just bored or what....

But then....i should care less...i might be hurt if im too attached for someone isnt sure about his feelings for me.....

Whenever you are right now...i wish your happy over there...i missed you always....

Good bye Whee

And i love you one last time

#artists on tumblr #Spotify

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ryliobrow · 3 years

Text

Izuku Midoriya x Mother!reader

warning:small angst.

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The smell of pudding wafted all over the small apartment. This same smell summoned our hero the great Izuku Midoriya into the kitching. Izuku's heart swelled with adoration as he saw his mother, preparing his breakfast on the stove. Although he was confused by the smell of pudding the same smell that led him away from his allmight themed room.

Where they having guests?

"Mama is someone coming over".

No answer.

"Mama".

Still no answer.

"MAMA"

Hearing your name you snapped back into reality, jumping a bit causing you to accidentally burn yourself on the stove. Izuku stood at the doorway horrified at what he had done. He immediately ran towards you taking your hand and inspecting your injury. He was brought to tears as a burn mark was spotted on your skin. Tears began to form in Izuku's eyes.

Why couldnt he have prevented this?

He's supposed to protect you.

"Zuzu i'm okay".

Of course, just as he was about to cry himself an ocean. You were always there to wipe his tears away. Lifting him up and carrying him in your arm, you give him a smile that could surpass All Mightsany day. At least to Midoriya.

"I--m so-rry"

"Zuzu theirs nothing to be sorry about. Its my fault for spacing out"

"A--re yo-u okay"

He gave you that adorable puppy dog look that stroke you in the heart. How would you tell him that you were worried about the results. People had already started speculating that he was probably quirkless. And you couldn't fault them. By now, all his classmates had developed their own quirks. He was the only one who still hadn't got one of his own yet.

You were scared

Not by the fact that he could be quirkless. No. You loved your Izuku even if God forbid he was blind, deaf, dumb or crippled. It was the others you were scared of. They could curse and swear you from night to day you wouldn't care. You were an adult. You could handle it all but Izuku couldn't. He was only 5. And soceity couldnt careless if you were a baby they'll still talk.

No you shouldnt be thinking all those thoughts. You had to stay positive for your son.

But the thought never left your mind. From the car all the way to the hospital. The only thing keeping you steady was Izuku's starry eyes. He was so excited he could hardly stay still throughout the trip. You had to ground yourself. Your son wanted to be a hero just like All Might. You've never seen your son so passionate in your life. You were sure everything was going to be ok.

Then like a splash of cold water

The test result came. Izuku was quirkless. Your son looked so broken. He was practically unresponsive on the way back. Then he locked himself in his room. Everyday playing the same old video of All Might and everytime a piece of you shattered. At a point you blamed yourself. Maybe if you were born with a strong enough quirk the probabilities would have been higher.

After days in his room only comming out for food did he finally speak to you with tear eyes he apologised to you.

"Ma--ma -- i'm so--rry for being failure".

You quikly rapped him in your arms. Holding him tightly , afraid he might crumble.

"Zuzu when did you ever reach that conclusion. Hmmm".

"Bu--t i --can't prote--ct yo-u or be a h--er-o --if i --don't have a qurk".

"Nonsense you don't need to have a quirk to protect me nor do you need it to be a hero. During the times when quirks didn't exist noone had a quirk to pull them our of bad situations or to even build the world we know today. Do you know what they had".

By now his sniffles had stopped. He shaked his head no.

"It was pure determination and effort. Which you clearly have and someday tha world would recognise you like they do All Might"

"Do you think so"

"Ofcourse"

"And don't you worry"

"FOR I AM HERE!"

#MHA x reader #izuku midoria x reader #mother reader #Young Izuku

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