#don't judge me i like seeing the overlap in things i write | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

suzukiblu · 7 months

Note

i want to write and post kinky things, but i can’t get past this base level of… shame, i guess. or embarrassment. or anxiety over judgement. it feels weird to ask just another blog, but yet i still am… how do you do it? did you have to get over the same thing? if you did, how?? sorry. i love your writing

You're good, friend, don't sweat it! ❤️ Honestly I don't remember if I was ever particularly ashamed or embarrassed by the idea of doing smut or not, but I WAS once ashamed and embarrassed by the idea of writing and posting things that I thought were too id-driven or too self-indulgent or just Too Much.

And then I thought, "okay, but if I'm not having fun and not being authentic and not doing what I want, what's the point anyway?"

So I just slooooowly step-by-step stopped reflexively reining myself in, and then I found out that actually the world is full of people who are exactly as id-driven and buck-wild as I am and they are both delighted and GRATEFUL to see my hyper-specific opinions about gender and yes they WOULD like to read about this character being the exact kind of queer I am interpreting them as and no there is NOT any such thing as "too much" hurt/comfort or too many fix-it AUs or too much focusing on your favorite character and yes they DO wanna see those kinks explored too; actually, you should probably write all your fave things a few MORE times and commit even HARDER this time. Like, the more niche and self-indulgent I get, the more enthusiastic and involved the people who read my stuff seem to get, in my experience. People LIKE the stuff I thought I'd get judged over. Like, a lot of people! Not EVERYONE, but still, way more people than I ever would've expected when I was regularly thinking "no one will like my stuff if I get too carried away and do what I REALLY wanna do".

I realize you're asking about specifically porn here, but that was sort of an overlapping thing for me in terms of the KINDS of porn I wrote, and like . . . I really do think making the things you really WANT to make is always gonna resonate harder than just making the things you think you're SUPPOSED to make.

I don't know if any of that was sufficiently helpful, but personally I always say you should just do what you want, in situations like these. You're not gonna be eighty and going "gosh I wish I'd had LESS experiences and tried FEWER new things!", you know?

(also if all else fails, there's always the good ol' "make a throwaway NSFW account to test the waters on your own comfort level and go from there" option)

#anonymous #rintalk

68 notes · View notes

cyanide-latte · 2 years

Text

Hey friends, mutuals and other fellow writers who are feeling down. Can I level with you for a second? Y'all deserve real and that's what I want to give you here.

Is this going to be an encouragement post? That's the intent. But I don't want it to be the usual affirmation. That's good and it's needed dgmw. But sometimes when you get into a funk about writing you don't want the usual affirmation and encouragement. So I'm going to just give you off-the-cuff and be as real as I can.

Sometimes...writing sucks. Both the act and the final piece. Same is true of any art form, I think: there's just times you'll churn out something that you end up hating or seeing nothing but flaws in what you've made. There's times where just the act of writing is the most awful feeling of an uphill climb, of forcing something that doesn't want to cooperate no matter how much effort you put into it. And there's also going to be time these things overlap or one begets the other.

And that also sucks. In your medium of choice (and yes, writing is an artistic medium, don't bother trying to fight me on that, I don't care how school may have conditioned you to regard it as a mechanical thing, it's art) one of the lowest, most awful and discouraging things is feeling like you're not good enough or skilled enough to hold the implement in your hands and create.

In tandem to that feeling come those thoughts. You know the ones. Every whisper of doubt, of questioning why you're doing this, of asking what the point is, of thinking that even if you make it that there's no point in sharing because someone, somewhere, is going to judge you for daring to put it out there (and more often than not that someone is lurking inside you, in that shadowy, gut-churning lake of self-doubt.)

So, why keep bothering then? What's the point?

I ask myself this semi-frequently. Sometimes there's nothing to spur the questions, sometimes it's a direct reaction to feeling like the few people I really want to read something I wrote just don't care or interact with it. It happens, and I hate it. I cannot stress enough how much I hate that doubt, as well as the worry I'm being childish for wanting interaction.

So why keep writing?

Well, if I've not lost you by now, hopefully what I have to say next won't completely make you scoff and scroll past.

Hope.

Well, hope and a time capsule effect, really.

The thing about hope is we often think of it as a sweet, almost passive and gentle thing, the act of lighting a little candle in a dark room. And hope can be that way; hope and compassion in tandem certainly are evocative of the sweet, kindly image.

But hope is also a very defiant act, and it can be downright aggressive. I don't really like talking about some of the crap I've lived through but here's the skinny on why I'm bringing this up:

Some time ago I found a disc with some very old files on it...including the PDF of all the chapters of a Teen Titans fanfic I was writing when I was 14. I'd started writing fic when I was around 11 or 12, but typically only shared them with a friend from school. At one point I felt bold enough to post a couple fics on FFNet, including that one. Looking over this old PDF, I didn't realize at first that it was mine, my writing was so drastically different to what it's since become. It took a specific couple of moments in the fic as I was reading for me to finally realize "wait, I wrote this!"

And you wanna hear something really wild? It was good! Not at all how I write now, not at all as well-researched as I would be today, but the writing was good, especially when you took into account I was 14 years old and didn't even have regular access to watching the show.

It was also unfinished.

Remember I mentioned a time capsule effect? Where it took me a long time to realize I was reading my own old fic I'd long since taken down, the understanding of why I had removed it and it was unfinished was immediate. Remember that friend I mentioned? Yeah. She was the reason. I'm not going to get into the messy details but suffice it to say that her behavior and treatment of me became abusive at one point and part of the way she kept control of me was to tear down my writing. Constantly. Not even just in online spaces but to my face. Someone who I'd been sharing my stories with for years, so of course I already trusted her judgment. It was a given, no matter how deeply she cut me.

I stopped writing for five years. Every time I tried, that voice of doubt sounded just like her. Dozens of WIPs, of lost ideas, ended up trashed and destroyed. I couldn't write worth shit, so what was the point, you know?

The day I sat down and had a fic idea at 19 years old, I need you to understand I'd not seen that person for a year...and I was still terrified to try and asking what the point even was. Every keystroke, every paragraph of that first chapter, the cutting reminder that I shouldn't even be bothering to try and I couldn't write worth a damn and nobody wanted to read my obviously stupid story anyway was right there, peeking over my shoulder and hissing at me in the dual voice of my own sullenness and her venom.

Writing the first chapter of that fanfic, and then the second, and posting them, I was wracked with anxiety, doubt, self-loathing, a sense of defeat and a deep sense of guilt. Several times I wanted to stop, and almost did.

But like I said, the hope that maybe, maybe, maybe that person and I and that dual voice were all wrong about my writing...that hope was defiant and aggressive. I was working on chapter 3, when I started to think of myself as a bulldog with a steak locked in its jaws that it refused to give up. (I only recently explained this to a friend who started writing and asked me how the heck I could keep at it.) Bulldog visual. Somewhere deep down on some level I couldn't quite tap into in my conscious thought, I did not want to let this steak go.

I posted chapter 3. And a small miracle happened: someone commented. That someone went on to become a dear friend. But it was like floodgates had opened. I gradually got more readers and commenters. Not many, maybe four regular readers total, and not all at once, but across them I started hearing something that, to me at that time, felt like a foreign sentiment. My writing was...good? People thought it was good. They liked it.

Little by little that bulldog gained ground. I kept writing. Not just that fic but I began writing others, and doing more experimental ideas with my writing. Readers came and went but the regulars who stuck around and even some of those who were only around for a while reaffirmed that my writing was good and/or that they enjoyed reading my stories. It still felt strange to hear that, even as much as I tried my best to soak in every compliment and kind word.

If that old Teen Titans unfinished fic PDF is a time capsule of a brighter, more innocent hope that got crushed, when I look at the fic that I started writing at 19 and everything that came after it for a while, I see a different time capsule. A rougher, more defiant hope full of tears and anxiety and doubt and guilt. I look at that fic and several others surrounding it and I'll again be real: I wince at a lot of it. The pacing, some of the plot choices I made, the lack of explanation I gave for some things. It's not a bad fic at all, especially for someone who hadn't written for five solid years and didn't think they could again. Still, I wince all the same because I know more now, I've improved a ton, circumstances have changed and the flaws in all my fics from about ages 19 to 25 are painfully glaring. But that person had hope and was clawing their way back. Little bulldog was gaining ground and not giving up that steak. Heck, not giving up several steaks. A lot of my readership by my mid-to-late 20s had begun to tell me that my writing wasn't just good and entertaining, it had some quality to it they looked forward to, something that even in the shortest and most self-indulgent pieces shone through and hooked them. It didn't just make me happy, it also made many others happy, and many, many of the people who stuck with me since I was 19 (and are still with me now) have talked with me about how much they've watched my writing grow over the years, through everything I've both posted or shared in private. Even the ones I've been reluctant to share or feel are bad.

So, now that I've wrapped up that bit and tucked away the mirror, where does that leave this post?

Usually, when we get in these writing slumps, there's probably external factors, sure. But I think I know pretty well it's that inner voice, the one that can be as ugly as it can sound reasonable, that will really look for a way to justify not wanting to write. Sometimes it's not even a completely cruel or self-harming thought process; often when we find ourselves frustrated or constantly dissatisfied with our work, it's because we're starting a new stage of artistic growth. Something in that artistic part of us is undergoing change, metamorphosis, in our approach to what we make, and if we cannot pinpoint what it is—be it certain techniques, use of devices, or even stylistic approach—it becomes easier to want to give up. Because those pieces we create in the "in-between" stages feel flawed or pointless or wrong somehow, and there is a sense of shame in wanting to share or feel proud of them.

I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. What we all need is different from person to person, and I'm not going to force you to parade writing you feel embarrassed about or ashamed by. I'm also not going to sit here and say any empty assurances that it's just doubt and you'll get through it, because I know what it feels like to be so deeply devoured by the sense of wanting to give up. What I am going to do is recommend you keep all those pieces, even if it's just to yourself. They're little time capsules, little facets of you at different periods in time. They're different things you're feeling, experiencing, thinking, all sown into innocuous little fragments of writing. I see and remember aspects of my past selves I'd long forgotten more clearly in a ficlet than I do in some photos my family took. Sometimes they're hidden little gems I learn from, eeeeeven if they occasionally make me wince.

And also yeah. Don't give up the hope that you are improving, that your writing has meaning, that you're connecting with others who enjoy what you make, that your growth is being tracked by people who can see it much clearer than you can and appreciate and encourage it. There is value. Don't give up on seeing that all your writing has value, all of it. Don't give up that hope. But don't think of it as a passive, gentle little thing that flickers here and there in the dark moments.

It's defiance, like that bulldog.

#idk if this will help the friends who inspired me to make the post for 'em but if it helps even 1 person a little then mission accomplished #might blaze this later in the event someone outside my ring of friends and mutuals needs to hear it #writer's life #fic author struggles #creative struggles #support and encouragement #writing #writer's block #LIKE A BULLDOG #GET THAT STEAK MOTHERFUCKER #not sure what else to tag this #Cyanide speaks

182 notes · View notes

kenobihater · 1 year

Note

Sorry, maybe this is obvious and I'm just clueless but what separates a good portrayal of Cat Witchers vs not? I'm kinda confused

Even though ableism against mentally ill people is baked into the lore, I don't think it's too obvious bc of how pervasive ableism is in our culture, so don't worry, you aren't alone in your confusion! As a mentally ill man, I didn't even realize what struck me as wrong about the whole Cat School madness thing until I read some fics that featured it heavily, so you're far from the only person not to notice it. That said, just because the lore is ableist doesn't excuse people doubling down in ableist ways in their fanworks. We shouldn't give ourselves or other people a free pass simply because the source material has bad implications, instead we should take accountability and tread carefully whenever engaging with Cat Witcher lore. Now, this is going to be Long and written for the dual and often overlapping audiences of fanwork creators and consumers, so apologies that the rest will be under a cut!

I've already written up a couple posts about ableism in regards to the Cat School, primarily focusing on fandom, but I wouldn't recommend those bc I not only focused a bit narrowly on mostly psychosis, but I also mistakenly identified dissociation as a form of psychosis in one of the posts bc that's what I'd been told by an actual mental health professional. F's in chat for me I guess, thanks Susan! Anyways I'll summarize and expand upon the contents of those posts here. Also, I don't know if I ever say in that post that the lore itself is straight up ableist, and I'll explain why in a moment. Now, it isn't inherently ableist to depict someone with severe mental illness, just like it isn't inherently ableist to depict anyone with any severe disability, but the way in which it's excecuted is what makes it bad or not. Basically, the whole "Cats are CRAAAAAZY!!1!" is ableist in excecution because it puts a value judgement on said madness, implying that they are both more violent and morally bankrupt because of their madness, whether or not it's linked with the mutagens (I think there's some wiggle room here canonically as to whether or not the mental illness is from mutagens or whether it's due to or greatly exacerbated by picking candidates who are prone to mental illness, but while that's fascinating, this post is gonna be long enough so I'll perhaps cover that in another one). Portraying Cats as more violent or morally bankrupt simply because they are mentally ill is bad, end of story. If you want specific examples of this, literally just go to the wiki, this post doesn't need a plethora of citations to pad it out even more.

Now that I've established the lore itself as being ableist, let's discuss theoretical specifics of their illnesses, and what that means for how we portray them faithfully! The Cats aren't easily identifiable as having any one mental illness. They're said to be "psychopathic", an outdated, pejorative term for people with antisocial personality disorder. Gaetan reports symptoms that could be identified with intermittent explosive disorder. The wiki says Cat Witchers have volatile emotions, which could be bipolar coding. The fandom also enjoys writing Cats as having psychotic episodes and dissociative episodes, both of which I suffer from and which are incredibly annoying to see done wrong. These disorders and symptoms can all have overlap, but they can all be boiled down into the terms of "mental illness" or "madness" which I will use interchangeably throughout this post, though it's worth noting that the latter is a divisive term and one I'm using to both engage with the canon and fanon on its level and to reclaim.

So, how do you portray Cat Witchers as mad without being ableist and also remain true to canon? I've come up with three guidelines for judging whether or not something is ableist or not. If you follow these as well as maybe do a bit of research into ableism against mentally ill people, and also excercise some common sense and empathy, I think you'll be fine.

1.) Considering the world of the Witcher, I'm not expecting anyone to use our modern terminology for their characters mental illnesses, but I recommend at a minimum researching mental illnesses and picking one to at least loosely base your Cat Witcher's symptoms on. I'd do this because that way you can have a reference for believable behavior and symptoms for your character. If you're depicting a Cat Witcher as having antisocial personality disorder, they would NOT have explosive outbursts like they would if they had intermittent explosive disorder (unless it was co-morbid, of course). If your character is bipolar, they would NOT be hearing voices (again, unless you write them as being co-morbid with a schizospec disorder, though I'd advise against this because it could easily come off as conflating two different disorders). If you aren't writing characters and are instead just engaging in fan content, some good questions to ask yourself while reading would be "Do I recognize this mental illness?","How was this handled?", and "Is this falling into any harmful stereotypes?".

2.) A topic I think is important to consider when portraying or engaging with portrayals of Cat Witchers is this: how is the ableism they face treated by the narrative? I'm not so naive as to think that you will be able to believably write a mentally ill Cat in the world of the Witcher who doesn't face some kind of ableism, but I'm concerned with the impression it leaves the audience with, not its mere existence as a narrative element. Does it come off as gratuitous? Is it legitimized by the narrator, plot, or narrative? By legitimized, I mean excused. I have read Cat Witcher fics where actual eugenics against the mentally ill were justified by the narrative, and the way it was handled was abhorrent. I don't want to get into specifics bc I don't want anyone to get harassed, but it left me with a horrible taste in my mouth. Please, at the minimum, don't treat eugenics or "purges" or whatever you want to call them lightly, and if you do cover such a dark topic I beg that you ask yourself if you're making it clear narratively that eugenics is bad actually, or if you're instead feeding into actively harmful rhetoric that is dangerous for an already marginalized group to face.

3.) The last thing I can think of that I would advise against that I've seen in other fandoms but thankfully not this one (yet) is that True Love™ doesn't cure madness. It just... doesn't. Mental illness doesn't just go away because you're seeing someone. It doesn't go away at all unless it's acute, and that has zero bearing on whether or not the character is in love. Instead, I'd recommend writing the couple as having coping strategies for when the party in question is experiencing symptoms of their mental illness. Doing so is a great way to strengthen their relationship in your writing! If you're reading rather than writing fic, I recommend asking yourself about how mad characters are treated in the fics you read, whether or not they're magically "cured" bc of the love of another or any other means.

That's all I can think of at the moment, and I encourage you to do your own research about ableism against mentally ill folk as well if you want to improve your understanding! Also do keep in mind us mad folk aren't a monololith and I can't speak for all of us, but I hope my personal opinions on this have helped you out!!

#len answers #len's meta #cat school #school of the cat #tw3 meta #witcher aiden #gaetan #gezras of leyda #dragonfly #kiyan #guxart #cat school meta #praying this shows up in the tags bc i have trouble with asks not doing that and i put a lot of work into answering 🙏🏼#also gonna pin this bc it's important to me

108 notes · View notes

the-hornedwitch · 8 months

Text

Utinam Ne Illum Numquam Conspexissem

Part Two: Good Morning Lucifer

Note: As I said before. What I speak of is my own personal walk and experience. I am speaking from my soul.

When "They" (Those who wrote the books) say "He" enjoys predawn and early morning rituals, "They" mean it. Call it intuition, call it stupidity, Hell could be "His" influence, there came a point in my wanderings I got the very bold notion to Greet the Morning. I did so in a simple fashion for a time. As I started my day I would face the East, watch the Sun rise. Breathing in the cool morning air. Breathing out, "Good Morning Lucifer". Waiting, listening and just being in the moment.

I did this for a time, I couldn't tell you how long. It became a routine, a mild meditation of sorts. I was blessed with a job that had me up and out the door before the sun woke up. A job that had me outside before 7am. A job I could walk around outside, and just be for an hour or so. Seeing the opportunity for what it was, I incorporated the greeting. Deciding it was far better then sitting in my car, waiting for the day to start by mindlessly scrolling through the social media's.

As I built my routine, and navigated both spiritual and mundane there came a morning that brought me out of my Agnostic and mildly atheist views.

I stood as I often did, facing east, focusing on my breathing and where my mind was wondering. Focused on the awakening Dawn, and said. "Good Morning Lucifer"

There came a slight breeze and the feelings I had felt during my candle ritual resurfaced. I couldn't help the sudden onset of Flyleafs lyrics of. "I can feel you all around me, circling, in the air I'm breathing." Repeat in my head. (Yeah I know, don't judge me)

Then;

"Good Morning"

It wasn't "spoken", not whispered in my ear through the trees or wind. It was vibrating in my sacral, heart and third eye. *oh shit*

To say I did not have a school girl moment would be an utter lie. I did not screech like a 14 year old at a Jonas Brothers concert (or how I simped over Datth Vader at Disneyland that one time) no, I got *shy*.

Eons old Deity who has seen the rise and fall of man a thousand times over, The Dark Lord whom many meet at a crossroads to bargain their souls. Just said "Good Morning " yeah, I had a moment.

As time continued, so did my ritual. I wish to keep my mundane life away from this telling as much as possible, but as I write I have realized things will overlap from time to time. I won't go into gritty detail (my memory is shit due to prolonged stress) I do know this; things where shifting for me. The rose colored glass where coming off and I was beginning to see parts of my life for what they were, except for one. My relationship.

As covid spread and became a talking point, I became very nervous. (However you feel about all that is yours I'm not here to debate anything)

Despite the outside world and the pandemic I continued my morning ritual. Incidentally, I was blessed to have my kitchen window facing east. Little changed in my routine, except instead of being outside I sat at my table with the kitchen window open and sipped my coffee.

Contagion and being ill has always been a stressful thing for me. Their is a lot of childhood trauma around illness for me, let's leave it that.

Eventually I bought an altar cloth for Lucifer, The Morning Star. Hanging it in the window, which my (ex)Husband seemed alright with. He was a night owl, often worked the overnight shift and was dead to the world once home. The mood shifted however when I painted a sigil for Lucifer, and hung it on the wall. The (ex) husband's demeanor shifted when I spent more time in my craft.

*photo is my own, taken that day*

#satanism #theistic satanism #left hand path #satanic #witchcraft #demonolatry #lucifer

11 notes · View notes

the-s1lly-corner · 21 days

Note

okay here we go (I added in images to characters you might not know)

Mild crushes:

Brassius (left) and Hassel (right)

Larry

Lord Milori (still kinda like him)

Sir Pentious and Lucifer

Used to take over my life:

Grillby

Gaster

Brett Hand

Lukas

Mordecai Heller

Kinger

Adam (most recent)

ALREADY HAS ME DEAD DJJSKX:

Clopin

I used to like him before back in January, but after listening to the soundtrack of this movie again, I frickin fell in LOVE

The obsession got so bad that I’m now researching Romani history and culture, watching those “the making of (movie name)” videos, interviews (which there are SO FEW OF) of the VAs or Alan Menken, the composer of the soundtrack

I want to know everything when I like a character lol

I actually have more, but it already feels weirdly personal to confess some of them so thank god that this is the silly corner :]

SCARED TO SEND IN BUT HERE WE GO

Mo need to fear this is a no judgement zone! Also I lost my right to judge people when I wrote mpreg a few weeks ago/lh

Rubs hands

The first two!! Obligatory "I've never gotten too deep into pokemon and the only game I've played start to finish is shield, and I'm like. Partway through brilliant diamond" soooooo! I know nothing about the personalities of these two so we're going off of looks!! And I say!

Valid!

Brassius gives off either old and exhausted punk or old exhausted gay artist but those two can overlap!

Hassel Looks yummy I love me a good longhaired blonde man AND he looks a little on the older side? YUMMY!!! He looks like he'd either he a grade A douchebag rich guy or a total sweetheart

Larry! Hey I know you I saw your dick on Twitter!!!/ref mo but real talk I can get the appeal! I already know that's hes a tired working man but that's about all I know!! Hes valid, I'd give him a big ol kith

Milori looks interesting! I don't know wheres hes from so once more we rely off of looks! He looks vaguely like a broken man . I can fix him. Valid!!!

Pentious is valid but I'm biased because I also had a crush on the character!! Pathetic men are just so silly!! Probably also has my favorite design of the entire show!!

Lucifer is also valid I can see the vision!! Caring but mentally I'll man who distances himself for one reason or another despite deeply wanting a connection my BELOVED

Grillby also had a choke hold on me when I was into undertale!! I'm so sad that there werent many grillby x reader fics out there- if I was still balls deep into undertale and deltarune like I used to be I'd 100% give writing the characters a shot but unfortunately I doubt I ever will <\3 unrelated theres a surprising amount of buff bara art of him

Gaster!! I can also get behind!! Mysterious creature that hardly has any lore iirc, fandom either portrayed him as a mad evil scientist or a loving father to sans and papyrus, at least with my experience with the fandom.. valid!!

I never watched inside job but I've heard good things about it! Brett looks like a sweetie, so I can understand the appeal! He looks so silly.. just a guy.. valid

Lukas!! It's been so long since I've heard someone talk about MCSM! Obligatory I dont remember much of Lukas, just that he was kind of an ass in the beginning I think.. but I can see the appeal! I was more of a ivor girlie

Surprisingly I have not seen lackadaisy yet! Surprising I know, since I'm huge fans of other indie animations on youtube!! Going off looks I can see the appeal, he gives old grumpy grandpa vibes but I could be totally off! I like his eyebrows :3

Kinger is another valid but again I might be biased because hes my baby girl- cant wait to see more of him in future episodes especially since hes hardly had any screen time so far <\3 he seems so sweet :(

Adam!! I can see the appeal again but his personality isnt really for me <\3 hes valid though!!

AND CLOPIN! It's been so so so long since I've seen the movies but omfg I remember I loved him a lot! Yummy design as well as a nice personality I wish we got more of him <\3 VALID VALID VALID

6 notes · View notes

brimbrimbrimbrim · 1 year

Note

Is it too late to ask for the slit/toast wips? I love those two together, and even more when you write them <3

Never too late, Anon. Have some Sloast filth on the house.

She’s been eyeing him since Nux started rutting with the red-haired Widow. The dark one - that short thing they call Toast - that is. And she’s been popping up when he’s been busy preparing the thunder late at night, hanging around with one of those blow torches that ain’t no good for metal. It’s too small, just like her, but no one’s told her that, so she’s here looking for scrap to fix it with. Always eyeing him. Always assesses like the alpha prime he is.

But the more he sees her hovering, the more he thinks the looking-for-scrap-thing is just a cover for something else.

Nux told him she was the quietest of the Widows, or what he called the Sisters. Slit scoffed at that; they weren’t sisters. Didn't even look similar, aside from all of them being as shine as a sniper in the rock walls. With Immortan dead, they were Widows - it was common sense, but Nux never had much of that anyway.

The short Toast shows up again tonight, walking from one pile to the next, but Slit knows she’s just pretending to do any decent kinda scavenging. Black eyes watched him, judging him - studying him in the bad bulbs. He figures the little thing might want him like the red one wants Nux. The red one looked at his Driver like this sometimes, but this one’s always frowning at him despite the eyes.

Slit hates it, but she’s chrome-looking, and he likes how she moves among the scrap and fumes. If she wants to rut with him, he’ll do it better than Nux - better than any other Warboy she’d pick out. Maybe that’s what the ex-breeder is doing. Maybe she’s sizing him up, seeing if he’s worthy of breeding with her. When she pauses again between piles, looking over at him warily, he stands up, rolling his shoulders and sloshing the can of guzz back and forth to catch her attention.

Little Toast looks at him alright, eyes darting to his arms and eventually the deep flesh-fissures in his stomach.

Slit grins and tosses the can in a heap with the others before making his way to her. She’s staring at him better now, and if she were a Warboy, he’d think it was fear, but her soft, round face is so chrome that it’s different than what he’d have expected. She wants him to breed her - that’s the only logical conclusion.

She didn’t have to say it if she didn’t want to. Slit knows.

“Widow Toast,” he nods to her, watching her wring the neck of the tiny torch in her hands.

“Looking for breeding stock? Ain’t never had a night fever, and I just got the one lump,” he tells her, watching her eyes widen and her back go straight. Yeah, she’s chrome and dark and soft-looking, and he was always healthy for a half-life. Best fucking Warboy to ever do war, so it made sense he’d be the best to rut and fuck and breed too.

“I’ve got one-hundred, and forty-five wastrels snapped so far.”

He points to the scattered slices on his stomach, leading down past his belts. Some of them overlap, not his best work, but it still shows her how chrome he is - how much better than any shit Driver or other mediocre Lancer he is. There were even a few fresh pink ones up his hip that he planned specifically for the trash that tries to get at the Widows.

Toast won’t find better breeding stock than him.

“Pretty confident, aren’t you?”

Slit cocks his head, looking at her from another angle where her cheeks look bruised, and grins; something purple swims in her face. Nux got like that enough around the red one, just before his bit got hard, for him to know what it meant.

“Don't need that when you're the best. You want me to stick my bit in you now or later?”

Her tiny, soft - but not smeg-soft - lips pucker, “Who says I want anything to do with your bit? What if I'm after some other Warboys cock?”

“Gonna be a real mediocre fuck,” he tells her, keeping up the grin, knowing it looks proper chrome and nasty. He's alpha prime now, technically. No one else can match him pound for pound and get a jump on him. If the shiny Widow was hunting down good stock, Slit was what she wanted. Anyone that could survive the fury of a busted rig and live to speak of Valhalla’s shine needed to breed pups in their spare time.

Her earthy cheeks burn, and with a throaty purr, Slit slides his long tongue between his lips and flicks it pointedly in the air. That'd seal the deal, he thinks. Slit saw the thing Nux did to the red one when he thought no one was watching. Smeg liked to drink from the wet cavern between the Widow’s legs. Slit had never fucked a breeder with his tongue… but he wouldn't turn down the opportunity to taste her aqua cola.

She looks impressed even if she takes a step back.

Surely, he'd be chrome at lapping her garden barren. There was very little he wasn't good at, and maybe he'd never fucked a breeder before, but sure as shit, he'd be chrome at that as well. Another sloppy wiggle of his tongue has the opposite effect, though, judging by the way her tiny toes curl just before she dashes away, too quick on her feet for Slit to catch so soon after his night meal.

She’d be back. Slit was sure of it - she was chromer than him, more shiny and alive, but breeders needed ‘cock,’ and his was the best. Better than Nux’s and better than the Immortan’s had been, for sure.

Her sky-soft, light drapery fluttered behind her, disappearing around a dripping wall of dark stone. A little tug of something... mediocre pulled at his chest, but with a rough squeeze to his stiff bit, the twinge moved south, lingering in his sac. Yeah, it was easier to go back to work knowing she’d be back for him later.

Widow Toast was just spooked. She was about as small as a wounded dingo, so it made sense she’d run off like one, even with a morsel dangling in front of her. She’d be back.

#ask #anon #sloast #slit #toast #mmfr #mad max fury road #WIP #writing #fanfic #fanfiction

28 notes · View notes

astraltrickster · 2 years

Text

Gonna be blunt for a moment here and say that, I know it's been said before a few times but im gonna say it again: even in majority-neurodivergent spaces, some of you out here can be fucking ghoulish toward autistic people who don't fit a very specific Soft Autistic Aesthetic.

Reblogging a million blorbo posts is fine, writing long and complicated meta is admirable, but don't you dare "squee", that died in the 2000s and it's ~so cringe~, and ew, what, your special interest is in military aircraft through history? What are you, some kind of bootlicker? I don’t care that you engage in it in a way that does not and cannot provide any significant cultural or material support to the military, just give it up and fixate on media like the rest of us! But don't make it your whole personality or anything, don't display too much fan merch for anything too mainstream, that's cringe.

Flapping is cute, weighted blankets are a hot gift for anyone, but verbal tics and stims are "annoying upsetting" and "disrespectful" and rocking to self-soothe is "embarrassing", You're Making The Rest Of Us Look Bad.

You can meme all day about being awkward in certain very specific "cute" ways, but if you have trouble starting a conversation and just end up standing on the outskirts and staring, you're "creepy", and if you aren't good at judging when it's your turn to talk and end up interrupting people, well, your neurotype is no excuse for being so rude, if the rest of us can do it then so can you, we'll talk until the cows come home about how everyone has different experiences of neurodivergence but this doesn't count!

Everyone has an internal definition of Good and Bad white noise, of course, but if you have to test out your appliances before you buy them to see which one they'll make, you're a Karen.

Fidget spinners were considered a godsend, a beautiful example of the curb cut effect, until people decided they were "cringe", and then it became "it's only okay if you show us your Neurodivergent Card," and when that didn't stop neurotypicals from demonizing them, everyone who got any benefit from one was Making The Rest Of Us Look Bad.

Stim videos are something Every True Neurodivergent loves, but if you're drawn to messy play as an adult, ugh, stop making excuses to broadcast your OBVIOUS fetish, creep.

Speaking of which, let's look at the way people's brains break when someone's nonsexual sensory quirks and kinks actually do overlap; sure, you can have a kink born of your neurodivergence I guess, but you MUST acknowledge it as A Kink and ONLY A Kink and NEVER indulge it outside of the bedroom. What's the difference between you taking the related sensory play outside of the bedroom and a neurotypical with a footwear kink wearing their favorite boots to the grocery store, why can I recognize that it might not be sexual at all to that person in that context but can't extend the same concept to you? Um, uh, it's, uh - it's just different, just trust me!

Some of you never fully purged the ableist myth that autism is just an excuse rich white boys make to be rude and picky from your internal framework, and it shows - especially when it comes to even mildly expensive or "frivolous" needs. Every Good Valid Neurodivergent has a strong opinion on velvet and soft touch plastic and the smell of yogurt, but if you find dollar store sheets and T-shirts too stiff and scratchy and need softer ones - ugh, that's not a neurodivergent thing, you're just being a whiny little bitch about your expensive taste! Learn to adapt like the rest of us plebs! It's valid to have a strong preference for a single safe food of one specific brand - until it's the most expensive brand in the store, then it's "dammit, stop being a baby and accept the store brand ones, I make do with them just fine, you're just spoiled!" Catholic guilt masquerading as anti-corporatism: now in blatantly ableist flavor!

And, if your communication style clashes with someone else's, it can't possibly be because neurodiversity is, well, diverse; one of you MUST be lying and just pulling some neurotypical bullshit.

To be clear, I'm not saying that the limited acceptance that's there is BAD and we should start REJECTING those more accepted things to level the playing field. That's the opposite of what I'm saying, in fact! I'm really glad weighted blankets are more accessible than they used to be - curb cut effect, babey! - and that media-related special interests are getting at least somewhat better understood...even if I'm not fond of how media companies are abusing the phenomenon, but that's another complaint for another day.

But holy fucking shit we have a long way to go, even in majority neurodivergent spaces.

You're not taking a brave stand against Karens co-opting the language of disability advocacy to demand the world bow to them and force other marginalized people out of public life when you hold people to this standard. You're not stopping rich white men from destroying the world and using their diagnosis as a shield. You're just using them - and the stereotype that claims MOST autistic people are Like That (but not you, of course, You're One Of The Good Ones) - as an excuse to treat random-ass strangers as an outlet for your internalized ableism.

Knock it off.

#disability #serious tag #internet culture #internet etiquette #fandom #<- most of this may not be specifically about fandom #but it's going in the fandom tag anyway because that's one majority-neurodivergent space it's VERY relevant to

29 notes · View notes

cryolyst · 9 months

Text

can't write in my journal right now because i filled it with dried flowers so the paper is unavailable. lol.

wednesday september 13 2023 11:33pm

i'm having the ol "empty and despairing and lonely after hanging out" feeling right now, but it's also. different.

i forgot my wallet at home and didn't realize til the end of my shift, so my original plan to go out to a bar tonight wouldn't be happening since i didn't have my ID. jun ended up having to cancel anyways because they weren't feeling well so :/

i was just going to go home and lock myself in my room and watch the rest of jjk s1, but robey got off at the same time tonight, so partway through walking to the bus station together we both said we were hungry and we went to get dim sum together. and then we decided to do a little window shopping. and then we both admitted that we didn't want to be at home around our families because we both have tense relationships with our parents so we walked up and down the same street for 2 hours just talking, delaying going home. mostly him. because i still don't know how to open up.

it's weird, because i don't feel that sort of connection with him where i can tell him anything about me, but it isn't a distrust either, because i know he won't judge or use it against me. i just. can't talk about anything and everything the way he can. but when he vents about something, it doesn't feel heavy. it's not a burden the way H can sometimes be.

maybe it is because there isn't that kind of baggage like there is with H. there's no resentment when he speaks ill of our mutual friends, because it doesn't ever feel that serious. i don't feel the need to offer wise words. there's no expectation for me to have something profound to say, to even answer at all. and it's easy to answer in small anecdotes, without saying anything too close, too personal. and it doesn't feel like i'm making it about myself. but it doesn't feel like i'm just speaking without being heard either.

(12:04am) it's funny that i keep comparing him to H. he did this thing where he constantly thought something he did with sam was something he did with me, and vice versa, which is something H does with me and their sibling all the time. they're somehow so similar but not at all the same. but i can't really see us ever getting on the level of... friendship, i guess, that i have with H. i don't know if i'll ever find someone quite like what i have... what i had... with H. it's like i put my entire soul out on display once, for the one person i thought was the same as me... and then it wasn't treated quite how i expected, how things initially were advertised, so now i can't. i can't do it again.

i honestly don't know how many chances i have to hang out with him one on one anyways. he's different from the work friends i've made in the past but. at the end of the day, it's still not founded on anything deeper than that shared space and shared time we have right now.

is that too bleak of a thing to think? that we'll certainly part ways once one of us quits? i know it's not always the case. drew and ron still make an effort to hang out despite them both being married and busy with other things when ron is in town. so do tess and liz. i think john and dom are still in touch, and dom and han definitely hang out. i can see K and M and V and P all staying in touch with one another. maybe the four of them and robey too. but i was never really close with them like that.

(12:27am) sometime earlier this year i jokingly asked V if she would come to my funeral. and after she said if she were still alive and able-bodied and clear of mind (because i was going to live a very long life), she said if she somehow still had a connection with me and heard about the funeral, she would. maybe she wasn't thinking about it in quite a personal way, only a realistic way, but when i asked if she doubted that we would have a connection of mutual people in the future despite our significant overlap of people we know, she said a lot about the drifting of people once they stop sharing a space. and it isn't just about that. it's about the fact that i, personally, don't know how to put down those roots. i can shed my leaves, leave those small pieces of myself behind. sometimes those small pieces nuture someone, something. i'm happy to make those small impacts on people. but sometimes... i wish i had someone who i could feel more anchored to. someone who i could come back to time and time again, without thinking, "will there be a next time? will i still be able to come back to you for the same connection? can we grow together?"

he told me how lonely today's shift felt, with all of the four of them at school while the two of us were stuck at the deadest, most boring place to be on a wednesday. he brought up Y, all the way across the country. i was struck suddenly by this realization that he knew her in a totally different way than i did. i'm stuck on the fact that she offered me a place to stay if i was in the area, and how seriously i should take her.

we usually just low-five + fist bump when we say bye, but he initiated a hug. it was really nice. i hope we get to hug more, because i don't see K and V often enough these days. i lied to him before we parted ways. a small one. told him i was going directly home, but i doubled back so i could pass the bar me and jun usually haunt, just to see if there'd be any familiar faces taking a smoke outside the doors. i wasn't lucky to catch any.

i have to be up at 8:30am tomorrow. i only have 5 more episodes of jjk season 1 left. hm.

#like. ridiculously long post but it's all under a read more anyways so.#they speak!

4 notes · View notes

breitzbachbea · 1 year

Note

💖🛒🎢

(And I wanna ask more, but this seems like enough for now.)

Ohhh, inch resting ones!

Fanfic Writer Emoji Asks

💖 What made you start writing?

Already answered here!

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

For obvious, be it very personal reasons, grief plays a major role in many of the things I write. Loss of a loved one, but also the mourning of chances not taken, of paths now seemingly blocked. (The latter has a lot of overlap though with me trying to not romanticize Organized Crime, so it's not just 'here is someone grieving for their past self and that is something normal we all go through', but 'Living this life will never make you happy and instead lock you into one of your potential worst selves').

I liked some good eating metaphors, even far before I knew what was going on metatextually, but now it's kicked into hyperdrive. Food, teeth, hunger, all those are things that often find their way into my writing, in minor ways.

I also love a good historical allusion, goddammit. To be fair, I don't know how many I've actually written into my writing, but I very often think about how I could represent characters with elements from myth or history. I adore a historical nickname, even if it is rather for the parent generation. Fernando's nickname being 'El Rey', and thusly Antonio at first being called 'El Principe', before the other senior Spanish mobsters realized he's pursueing a different style of business conduct and so he got stuck with 'El Conquistador'. Salvatore being known as 'Caesar' or 'Dionysius of Palermo'. Haunted houses, HUGE thing. The English office being a former Victorian era factory, Michele's house made to resemble a Roman villa, the O'Connel's house formerly being a house where in Industrial times, dozens of people lived in crammed conditions. Two of the Danish subordinates are directly based on two heroes from the medieval German epic 'Kudrun'. Dolcetto's cat is named Machiavelli and Lovino is the reason.

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

I can't judge this one on subject matter (Though I guess, as far as fucked up shit goes, La Sicilia dell'eterna notte gets disturbing very quick for something with less than 500 words). Therefore, I will go for the writing process. No Rest For The Wicked was written within a week, with no prior planning whatsoever and with a deadline for rarepairweek to meet. That was some topsy turvy shit. And the latter half of Italian Affairs, like the last third I guess, is a rollercoaster ride - both in its creation and within the actual text.

But the award has to go to The Amulet. I still have to have a call with Emi and iron out the last comments, before I print the 70 pages out and proofread them. And then I can finally, FINALLY upload them.

I started writing the first draft of the story on paper in January 2017. The idea of wanting to write something with my Greek and Turkish OCs had been ghosting around my head for a while. But I initially started writing because I was stuck on Italian Affairs and none of the characters would talk to me (e.g. everything I wrote in their voice sounded ooc), so I started writing something else to 'make them jealous'. Absolute pro tip btw, pivoting away from one story when you are stuck with another will do wonders for making you inspired for the first story again. Get out of that rut. Anyways, so I started writing that draft and then continued doing so when I had a free minute at school, until the story was done. I then typed up the draft and did a first round of revisions. I tried to find beta-readers for it, which also worked in 2019. But I still didn't publish it, because the beta never made it to the end. And then it sat and sat in my drafts, while I worked on other projects. My writing improved, my standards raised themselves. And I began to see why the story had always bugged me. I saw that I would have to scrap the whole thing and start from scratch, with extensive research and some soul-searching. And this is what I did - Before I was able to write part 3, I spent weeks hovering up information about the Turkish Republic and the 2014 election and so on. Only for it to vaguely matter for half a page in this 70 page epos. (But worth it, I love learning stuff). I eventually got dear Emi as a beta, who immensely helped to improve this text. Let's all hope that after 6 years of work, it'll finally see the light of day.

#beareplies #someone-you-do-not-know #writing #storie nostre #oh i cannot tag all these bitches #as always I feel like my answer is messy all over the place and dogshit but lmao <3 it is what it is

3 notes · View notes

aroaceconfessions · 2 years

Note

I'm not native and started writing this at 1am so my apologies for the possible typos/mistakes

I've been thinking maybe I'm aplatonic (or demiplatonic), googled it and got a bit confused. I mean... what is platonic attraction? The definition I thought fitting actually describes sensual attraction better. Also, as I see it, platonic love is still a form of love, and I'm a loveless aromantic due to trauma (I probably have been aro my whole life, it's just the loveless part that got added later), so is it right to say I'm apl-spec since these attractions (or rather lack of them) overlap?

I've read that "platonic feelings might transform into friendships or QPRs", and well, I have friends. At least I think I see them as friends? But I don't actually feel different about them? It's more of "ok, this person knows me well, I know them well, so nothing's gonna save them from hearing about this fandom thing" or "we trust each other and can be sure the other won't judge me for things and will support me if I'm feeling down". But for me, those are just facts. I don't have separate types of feelings for friends and not-friends. And if I want to do some things with them that are considered platonic, it's not because I feel certain way about them but because I'm a tactile person. I'd cuddle someone I've met 10 minutes ago if they'd agreed

But sometimes I do feel something you'd call a platonic attraction. Now it works mostly for fictional characters (but very few of them, I can name max 3, two of which are my kinns, and the other one used to be my role model), but used to work for real people too (again, rarely). It happened when I met someone for the first time, they seemed like a very interesting person, and my brain went "hey, now we're gonna think about them for the next month!!" But after that it stopped, and uhhh... there is another friend whom I don't feel anything about anymore? Yay.

All things considered (and given I'm not terribly wrong about aplatonic attraction), I think I might be apl-spec but. There is a but. I've read a bit of apl-specs' posts about their experience, and it doesn't? sound? quite like mine? I'll dig more into it tomorrow (well, today, it's 2am when I'm typing this) but for now all of it is a bit confusing

#never apologize op #aplatonic #loveless #aro #aromantic #aspec #arospec

24 notes · View notes

sad-alien-club · 1 year

Note

🍄 Do you headcanon any characters as plural? Who and why?

🌱 Does anyone have a different accent when they front?

🍂 Do you use anything to keep track of fronting? (judging u on this one /j)

🌴 Do you think syskids and age regressors should share spaces or not? Why?

🍄 Do you headcanon any characters as plural? Who and why?

Honestly I feel SUPER lame for this buuuut not really? I mean, there's Aoba, but that's not really a headcanon lol. I could see myself writing some characters as plural just because, but there isn't really anyone off the top of my head that I just See As Plural or feel inclined to project plurality onto consistently... I think the closest I have would be Garnet/gem fusions from SU? Conceptually it just feels very Plural to me, even though I know it's supposed to be about relationships.

🌱 Does anyone have a different accent when they front?

Nope! We def have some folks who have different/distinct speaking mannerisms, but no accents.

🍂 Do you use anything to keep track of fronting? (judging u on this one /j)

Rude /j We try to use Simply Plural, but........we usually forget to update it when other members pop in or take over lmao. We just sort of rely on our discord chats/whoever happened to proxy themselves with pk and go by that.

🌴 Do you think syskids and age regressors should share spaces or not? Why?

I feel like "should" is really loaded here lmao. Personally, I don't see why not. While there are def differences in experiences/needs, that's true between two age regressors and two syskids - no one is exactly the same, or responds the same way to the same things. Overall, I feel like our experiences, in general, overlap a lot more than they differ. That said, I don't feel like sharing spaces should be compulsory or anything. I think there's value in having both shared and individual spaces, and people can opt for one or the other both depending on their comfort and personal needs. I just typically feel like we stand to learn a lot and gain a better understanding of others if we spend some time around people who don't have the Exact Same experiences/backgrounds as us rather than only insulating ourselves into specific groups, if that makes sense. Our system doesn't have any syskids, but we do have age sliders and several members who age regress, and we've learned a lot of valuable things about ourselves from both syskid and agere communities.

....wow that was a really long answer lmaooooo so sorry

#davey talks #asks answered

2 notes · View notes

champagnepodiums · 1 year

Note

I don't know about the autism - that didn't come across to me -- Young King George but then again I am not neurodivergent so perhaps not the best judge.

I love how Corey and India play the younger versions. So much chemistry and I hope they get more opportunities. Their social following has sky rocketed since release and I can imagine it will grow more as more people get the chance to watch.

The historical theories for George's illness and far as I'm aware seem to be bipolar, schizophrenia and now porphyria, the latter being a liver condition.

I've put some academic articles if your interested -- apologies if you are not:-

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4953321/

https://britishlivertrust.org.uk/information-and-support/living-with-a-liver-condition/liver-conditions/porphyria/

I am now curious as all speculated conditions are genetic what happened with his children with Charlotte. Nothing as far as I am aware [and my very limited historical knowledge] has been said about the same type of illness in them and direct descendants. I wonder if the modern day Royal family could be at risk or has too much time passed?

Corey and India did such a good job. I also really appreciate the writing and they way they handled George's mental illness. I suspect that they left it vague on purpose but George made a comment about standing between heavens and earth which make me think it was likely schizophrenia they were trying to hint at but I appreciate that it was open-ended because I think that's an accurate representation of mental illness.

as far as y autism assessment, both schizophrenia, bipolar and autism fall under neurodivergence so I was probably picking up on the overlap. but ALSO i think the fun thing about good art, whether it be tv, books, music is that people can pick parts of it out and identify it whether it be something george said that made me go "oh wow, i can see myself in that" you know?

BUT those articles were so interesting omg, thank you for sending them!! im always interested in articles, it doesn't matter what articles tbh so thank you for sending them <3333

4 notes · View notes

mish-tique · 1 year

Note

I am that anon and I've spent so much time thinking about the overlaps between kpop and f1. Not necessarily in a bad way because there's nothing wrong with enjoying either but both fandoms and industries have some drawbacks that are extremely similar. The "fan wars" thing and this attitude of fans thinking they're somehow superior because of the group or driver they stan, or even the gatekeeping attitude of trying to keep new fans out because they know more about this thing because they stanned this driver or group first. There's also this weird focus on looks in both to where it almost makes it seem like talent doesn't even matter anymore. I feel like this is glaringly obvious in kpop fandom and even if you watch idol survival shows and see extremely talented singers and rappers eliminated or judged on the basis of not having the right look. But it's been growing in the f1 fandom too. I have even seen large numbers of people agree that Max has no place in f1 because he's not hot enough to be marketable. That has nothing to do with driving a car, and a multi time world champion is going to attract tons of sponsorships so I'm pretty sure driving is more important there too. It also isn't as obvious with every idol group or driver, but there are some unhealthy body image standards and just discussions around weight in both fandoms and industries that make me v uncomfortable. This is a lot lighter than other topics too, but I also feel like neither fandom can let mistakes and things that don't matter in the long run go without bringing it up over and over again? I don't mean this in like a "this person said something problematic" but more in reference to their actual jobs. I've seen loads of ridiculous fan wars where kpop fans will share a video of the ONE time an extremely talented vocalist's voice cracked on stage, to try to assert that vocalist isn't talented. It very much gives off the same vibes as like people mentioning Sochi with Lando, or people mentioning how Max crashed a lot when he first joined F1, you get the idea. Clearly it would become a problem in either industry if it was becoming a repeated behavior, but this standard both are held to where if you make a single mistake, people write you off and claim you're untalented for your entire career is kind of weird and puts even more pressure in already high-pressure environments. It's not necessarily f1 directly, but I also think there's a pretty strong case to be made about the investments that go into idol training and f1 feeder series. Huge monetary investments, sometimes leaving their family and friends behind for years, very very little chance for most of making it in either if they're honest, more talent flooding the markets of both than really there is room for. There's also the same thing with like "big companies" giving their groups a much higher chance of success versus small companies that is very similar to the whole top team / midfield or backmarker team dynamic in f1. Like 9 times out of 10 the success either are able to achieve depends mostly on the contract they sign. Also, and probably most obvious, the FAN SERVICE. And don't get me wrong, I love a good wholesome hug when an idol or driver is going through it or maybe even happy and celebrating. I don't necessarily like these seemingly forced for PR "bromances," and I know a lot of people liked it, but I found things like the crowd yelling to Lando and Daniel to kiss on that one fan stage kind of creepy? Like I wouldn't care if they DID want to kiss, don't get me wrong, there's just something weird about fans demanding they do it. Its almost to where people can't separate like RPF from reality at times. It gives off the same vibes as people shipping idols until they basically start avoiding each other to avoid dating rumors. I don't even know how long this is getting, but I'm sure it's like a novel, so I will stop there but yeah. Many thoughts. 😅

HELP anon i must say that i was a little scared when i first saw this in my inbox dkghsdgsd. but don't worry!!

I used to be a kpop fan from 2015ish to 2019ish (? lines def aren't clear) and got "officially" into f1 early 2021 so for me it's more of a flow from one to the other and getting a lot of deja vu moments.

The "fan wars" thing and this attitude of fans thinking they're somehow superior because of the group or driver they stan, or even the gatekeeping attitude of trying to keep new fans out because they know more about this thing because they stanned this driver or group first.

Please, the fanwar flashbacks i keep getting is exhausting. And then especially when I think back about the solo stans vs other solo stans or the group stans vs solo stans.

Back then it would be baekhyun stans vs chanyeol stans (excuse me, I forgot the name for the solo fandom sdkhgsd. I can remember that exols used to be eris but that's about it!) and nowadays it's chirlies vs carlos fans, and what used to be exols vs armys because red bull fans vs Mercedes fans.

There's also this weird focus on looks in both to where it almost makes it seem like talent doesn't even matter anymore. I feel like this is glaringly obvious in kpop fandom and even if you watch idol survival shows and see extremely talented singers and rappers eliminated or judged on the basis of not having the right look.

Oh. My. God. The visuals!! The discussions there used to be within group fandoms over who was the main visual, who had no right being a rapper/singer/dancer simply because they relied on their visuals and the discussions about visuals in itself was. Something.

But it's been growing in the f1 fandom too. I have even seen large numbers of people agree that Max has no place in f1 because he's not hot enough to be marketable. That has nothing to do with driving a car, and a multi time world champion is going to attract tons of sponsorships so I'm pretty sure driving is more important there too.

I feel like some part of the f1 fandom is letting some off track factors play too much into the on track expectations and facts. Just because a driver is the next pretty it boy doesn't mean he will automatically do well, and just because someone isn't conventionally pretty doesn't mean he shouldn't have a place in a team... You can definitely enjoy a drivers looks or aesthetic but some have seemed to forgotten that their actions on track speak for themselves.

It also isn't as obvious with every idol group or driver, but there are some unhealthy body image standards and just discussions around weight in both fandoms and industries that make me v uncomfortable.

The reactions to Max during winter break but general body pictures are crazy. In both the kpop and f1 fandom fans seem to have some kind of image in their head of what "healthy" should look like and they fucking riot when reality doesn't match it.

Clearly it would become a problem in either industry if it was becoming a repeated behavior, but this standard both are held to where if you make a single mistake, people write you off and claim you're untalented for your entire career is kind of weird and puts even more pressure in already high-pressure environments.

You're totally right here anon, but it also weirds me out at times because like, in the end for both fandoms it counts that these people are fans and 90% of the time do not know all the facts or just can't look at it objectively. Both fandoms desperately need people to step back, take a breath and remember it's either a sport or music. ffs.

(...) but I also think there's a pretty strong case to be made about the investments that go into idol training and f1 feeder series. Huge monetary investments, sometimes leaving their family and friends behind for years, very very little chance for most of making it in either if they're honest, more talent flooding the markets of both than really there is room for. There's also the same thing with like "big companies" giving their groups a much higher chance of success versus small companies that is very similar to the whole top team / midfield or backmarker team dynamic in f1. Like 9 times out of 10 the success either are able to achieve depends mostly on the contract they sign.

The way being a red bull junior or a Ferrari academy driver is so alike to being an SM/YG trainee. They offer the best training, but also have the most new drivers/trainees vying for their attention. And let's be real, feeder series are totally the pd101 of f1.

Also, and probably most obvious, the FAN SERVICE. (....) I don't necessarily like these seemingly forced for PR "bromances," and I know a lot of people liked it, but I found things like the crowd yelling to Lando and Daniel to kiss on that one fan stage kind of creepy? (...) there's just something weird about fans demanding they do it.

THEY DID WHAT NOW??? But yes, that gives the same energy as fans demanding idols to do kisses etc on vlive/youtube lives. It's creepy as fuck and it makes fans seem like they truly think they can demand the craziest things from "their" idols/drivers.

Its almost to where people can't separate like RPF from reality at times. It gives off the same vibes as people shipping idols until they basically start avoiding each other to avoid dating rumors. I don't even know how long this is getting, but I'm sure it's like a novel, so I will stop there but yeah. Many thoughts. 😅

My only blessing is that while drivers seem to be aware of the "joke" romances, is that they seem less aware of RPF. (We are going to exclude that time where people close to max started reading my 4433 for fun and just could NOT shut their fucking mouth).

Which is kind of wild to me, because while kpop fans did talk a lot about rpf on twitter they also censorred a lot of stuff as like, ch*nyeol instead of chanyeol ( i guess the mv0 instead of mv1 of f1 only then less negative and more for safety), and some idols were aware of it, it was mostly ignored and looked away. You made sure you followed the right people so you were either surrounded by camp anti rpf or camp rpf.

With f1 rpf it's very much more containted to tumble and ao3, except lately i have seen a trend where people have become less afraid of mentioning actual rpf on twitter. Which scares me a little because drivers feel more active on twitter skdghds.

Yet at the same time ship names seem much more common knowledge and also accepted within the whole fandom (i.e. lestappen gets used by "bros" on reddit as emotional support rivals but also by ao3 writers.). So in f1 the line between "joking" implied shipping/rpf and actual shipping/rpf seems way thinner than in kpop, where back when i was there, you either used certain names or you absolutely Did Not Even Think About it.

Fuck I remember days where baekhyun fans would talk about chanyeol in a positive way and would censor chanyeol's name just to prevent chanbaek shippers from interacting.

Anyways thank you so much for your message and your interesting insight in your view on it!

I was about to say that i'll share my twitter thread about this topic on this page but i realized i got pics of myself on there so help me That Is Not Happening.

#anon #missha things #observations about the overlap between kpop fans and f1 fans #kpop #f1 #cw: body image #cw: rpf talk

4 notes · View notes

blahandwhatever · 9 months

Text

The latest on my father, just to dump this out of my brain:

He sent me a series of texts about my mother, including a few YouTube videos about narcissistic spouses, confidently proclaiming that this was my mother exactly, going on about how she 'fooled' and brainwashed everyone for years, how he has seen the light, how he was trapped in this marriage by her for so long (possibly THE most insane thing he could say), how badly he wants to divorce her, how he only stayed with her to protect his children, how bad he feels for me and my brother that we were subjected to her.

Then talked about how she's always been 'obsessed' with men and how 'obsessed' she is with walking by the one neighbor's house and how 'embarrassing' it looks when she stops to talk to a man on a street corner and how she refuses to change her dog-walking route. Also some bullshit I'm 90% sure is made up about how some guy that had come to fix something in the house later commented to my father that my mother had acted inappropriately with him and made him uncomfortable.

And like. So much parroting back of language that had been used toward him, twisted against my mother. This is just... what these people do. I wish my mother had been more careful about keeping her narcissist video viewing private. Because this is what happens. They turn it around on you.

I took a look at a couple of the videos he sent. One of them, the one he claimed was my mother exactly, was... nothing like my mother at all. Like I was kind of dreading that maybe he was watching stuff about covert narcissists, who can have some overlap in behaviors with other types of traumatized people, like my mother - that could be an easy leap for a person uneducated on the matter to make. But no. The person described in that video was a lot more like the women in my father's family than like my mother. Just total delusion. Can't see anyone for who they are (least of all himself), but is and always has been so sure that he sees right through everyone. Took a look at another one of the videos, and it was like... ostensibly about narcissists but really pretty general types of dysfunctional relationship stuff, like nagging, or stuff like not being able to take criticism, which applies more to him than to her... And none of the randos these videos were by were people I knew to be well-versed on this subject or was familiar with at all.

And he said when they go to counseling he's going to write a list and present some of the 'crazy' things my mother has said and done throughout their marriage for the counselor to judge. He thinks she won't go because she's 'afraid' of hearing the truth about herself.

And he keeps telling me not to tell her about the things he texts me, which uhh, I sure as shit will. This is not like, his own personal secrets, it's delusions, plotting, and attempted character assassinations about her. But she's spending the weekend on a trip with a friend, so I won't bother her for now. Hoping I myself will have a more relaxing day tomorrow...

It's fucking chilling, the complete, shameless, self-serving delusion this person lives in. Like, if this was just something between me and him, I could probably rise above it and let it go. As it is, I hover between finding him so ridiculous that I don't give a shit about what he says and seriously worrying about the further harm he could do to my mother. He is capable of fucking with her head so much, of fucking with everyone's head so much. This is also why I've urged my mother to choose a good, experienced therapist who is equipped to deal with someone like him.

And the fucking senselessness of all this drama he's created, all this dragging out of everything. My mother literally just wanted a quick, clean, fair divorce, and to be done with this person. And to be left alone and not needlessly bothered/harassed in the interim. He is pathologically incapable of just leaving this person alone. Which, if he had just done, and had just gotten a clean split over with - none of this drama, none of the contention between me and him, none of the pointing out of his abuses that he now feels the need to fight against and turn around on my mother, would have even happened.

0 notes

dokiyeom · 1 year

Note

OK 2ND PART YAYAYAYAYA my biases from these groups are namjoon + yoongi , taehyun + beomgyu , sunghoon + jungwon & hongjoong + san!! from the other groups it's eunchae + maybe sakura / chaewon (not sure yet!) , hoshi + hao + cheol + gyu + shua (THE LOMLS <3) & chenle + renjun + yuta + taeyong + xiaojun for nct 😇😇😇

i also really like the boyz , p1harmony , newjeans + other groups & soloists + krnb

i only have 1 friend who's into kpop because here they are lets say.. v closed off and narrow-minded so they are more the type to make fun of u or directly judge it without even having heard a single song (ive experienced it firsthand MULTIPLE times & almost everytime received a judgy comment when they found out i liked kpop 😑) NOT THAT I CARE BUT STILL ! it would be really fun to make pcs of each & listen to kpop tgt ngl but it's ok since i got my one closest friend who's also a kpop fan so we can talk about our groups, cbs, pcs and kpop news and buy albums tgt 😁 we were even supposed to go try and see ateez last year + this year but BOTH times it was exam season so we couldn't but she likes svt so much now she said she would accompany me if they go on europe tour 😝

omg should i watch it if i can ...... that sounds genuinely so cool 😭 imo art is so so cool i love it sm but as much as i would like to and admire it, i am not too much of an art gal except for writing. i did draw a bit when i was young and even got a drawing tablet & i love watching dance videos but writing is my thing yk so i just do that and have been for years hihihi

BUT i do get what u mean because it's difficult to turn those things into jobs yk like u have to be really really good at it and even then it's still difficult. WHAT ARE U GONNA STUDY because ur not into stem apparently and much more into arts obviously

don't flatter me too much hehe 😚 nekoma <33 always a soft spot for them ngl i think in general i had a huge thing for captains ... HELLO WE KINDA HAVE THE SAME FAV LIST :O i haven't watched s4 yet because im trying to collect the manga but yes i heard the animation was a but eh . But that the matches were v interesting like i saw so many tiktoks about the inarizaki game & it looked so so cool i wanna watch it so bad i swearrr I NEED TO REWATCH IT I STOPPED BEFORE THE TRAINING CAMP

omg the amount of overlap in biases that we have,,, im vv much jin, taehyun + beomgyu, sunghoon + jungwon, eunchae, jeonghan + dino + dokyeom, yuta + johnny + mark + chenle + ten + hendery biased :DD and potentially yeosang bc he’s so ?? pretty ?? AND AAGH TBZ !! i love kevin omfg ++ soul from p1h && haerin n hanni from newjeans :D ugh all of the newjeans members r so <3 tbh

and ugh so sorry to hear that !!! tbh i think it’s bc i live in a predominantly asian town so i think people around me r a lot more receptive to kpop,, but so glad u have a close friend u can share the joy w :DDD && vv much hope svt goes on a europe tour for u guys !!!!

yesyes !! u should def watch it !! the set is on youtube && it’s like 6 mins long so it won’t take too much time out of ur day :D and i’ve applied to most unis as a creative writing/english literature major !! but i’d hope to minor in media studies, linguistics, or fashion communications/styling/journalism !! it really just depends on which school i end up committing to && what they offer,, but im honestly so unsure abt my future so i want to explore diff options if possible :D what abt u ?

AND YESYES !! dori omg watching the rest of haikyuu imo is soso worth it,, like overall the series is just,, vv comforting && fun :D

#aiyah aya !!#answered (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ #aya's lomls ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

1 note · View note