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ramons-elevator · 9 months

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*SLAMS HANDS ON DESK*

FUCKING PHILS POV

Everything about his POV was bone chilling holy shit. Also fucking shoutout to the admins for picking Chayanne and Tallulah bc that was a really smart move.

For some context for those who arent Philza watchers:

Tallulah and Chayanne obey Phil. Yes they can be divas sometimes and be dumb and silly, but they arent like their siblings like Dapper and Richas who will just be dramatic and do dumb and dangerous stuff when their parents dont feel 100% okay with it. They will throw a fit but still be respectful of Phil’s word.

Phil said multiple times to them, especially Tallulah, to not go to the dinner no matter what. That as soon as it hits 2pm PST, they get tucked into bed and they can wake up after if they want. Chay and Lullah both agreed bc they both fear dying. Tallulah wants to see her dad and Chayanne knows how hard his dad works to make sure they are safe.

Let me fucking tell you how creepy it was seeing Tallulah walk into the dinner.

Phil immediately questioned her and was like “what the fuck you doing? We both agreed you would stay in bed.” and when ‘Tallulah’ just stared at him and shook her maracas, you could feel the air still.

Personally, it felt like a bucket of ice water got dumped on me. Phil literally froze. Because thats not fucking Tallulah. Tallulah is calculated, gentle, and slow moving. The ‘Tallulah’ at the dinner was shaking her maracas without a care in the world, running around. Also Tallulah will talk to Phil and they check in on each other. The ‘Tallulah’ at the dinner didnt put down a sign once.

Then as Phil was realizing that Tallulah wasn’t Tallulah, then ‘Chayanne’ comes in. At this point Phil realized that both ‘Tallulah’ and ‘Chayanne’ dont have cracks. Phil straight up looks at ‘Chayanne’ and says “You are fake, you arent my son.” Also same thing with Tallulah, Chayanne and Phil check in with each other. They are a well oiled machine. Phil knows Chayanne like the back of his hand and vise versa.

To be fair, Chayanne isnt an egg of many words. He likes action and just nods/shakes of his head when talking. If need be he will place a sign down, but he doesnt talk as much as Tallulah. So it isnt hard to impersonate him.

But the second, ‘Chayanne’ started punching Phil was again bone chilling. Chayanne rarely hits Phil, maybe once or twice from the top of my head. Again, Chay and Lulah are very respectful of Phil. If they need his attention, they do other ways. They dont hit.

And thats when Phil let Fit know that something was wrong. Those werent his kids. That they are fakes. Around that time, Phil runs home and sees that his actual kids are sleeping. He takes a photo, runs back, and fucking shows ‘Chayanne’. Phil lets the fakes know that he knows and he doesnt give a shit.

At some point, Phil and Fit talk again and ‘Chayanne’ runs up and tries to take the photo from Phil. Phil basically said fuck off and went back to his seat.

The part I find so fucking eerie was that Fit and ‘Chayanne’ had a lil talk. ‘Chayanne’ put down a sign that said something along the lines of “My dad doesnt love me anymore”.

That sign literally made me start to freak out because thats the fucking last thing the real Chayanne thinks. The real Chayanne knows that his dad loves him to death. That Phil would burn this server to the ground if anything bad happened to Chayanne. Chayanne knows that Phil does everything in his power to keep his son alive. He knows how much Phil worries about him and Tallulah (both the characters and the admins).

Going back to what I said at the start, the admins were so fucking smart for picking Chayanne and Tallulah to be the ‘Code eggs’.

People outside of Phil, Fit, Bad, and maybe Forever/Cellbit dont really spend time with Chayanne and Tallulah. Yes, other people do care after them and know them, but they really dont know their mannerisms and quirks. They dont know that Tallulah only shakes her Maracas when she is very excited or have something to say. They dont know that, while Chayanne can be hyper, he usually is very obedient and stays close to Tallulah when he can.

So putting them in a party where the attention isnt on them 100% time is so smart. They can run around and people dont think about it. They just see two eggs running around and having fun. They dont know how wrong it is to see them like that.

Then when the ‘Code eggs’ made themselves known, Phil got kicked. Again very smart from the admins because no one wanted to kill ‘Chayanne’ and ‘Tallulah’ even though they were obviously Codes. Even Fit, who Phil told over and over again that those arent his kids, hit the Codes once or twice but stopped because he didnt wanna take that risk. No one wanted to take the chance of hurting an egg. It gave the ‘Code eggs’ time to kill Charlie and try to kill others.

But the second Phil joins back, he is screaming that those arent his kids and to kill them. That they were impostors. Even then, they let Phil kill the Code eggs.

Then when Code Tallulah died, everyone stepped back and let Phil 1v1 Code Chayanne.

Im so impressed with the admins and the people who played the fake Chayanne and Tallulah. They did such a good job of putting a spear of ice through my heart. 100/10 Bravo

#qsmp #qsmp eggs #qsmp chayanne #qsmp tallulah #qsmp philza #philza

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mobbu-min · 5 months

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☆ erm, let's not do that ☆

requested by anon! Hi there! So i would like to request The overblot gang with a S/O who likes to pick on their fingers whenever they are stressed and considering what Yuu have to go through, they would have a bloody hand if it werent for the fact they use gloves when they are really stressed out. (They dont wear gloves often because it will look weird when it doesnt fit the outfit but will wear it if necessary). So what are the overblot gang (seperate) reactions when he learns why his S/O pick on their fingers and wear gloves? P.s. you are an amazing writer and i love your work, keep up the good work! Hope you have a lovely day/night!

a/n so it's been awhile... how have you guys been? i've been okay, been dealing with post graduation fatigue and depression. been wondering what the hell am i doing with my world and wondering if things are really worth it. i miss bts, i miss jin and hobi and most of all yoongi. i miss the person i used to be. i miss the person that was my rock for a good few years. i wish this whole life thing wasn;t so hard, but! twst makes my brain go brrrr, so that's good i guess lolol. i'm working on stuff dw! and i'll try to post more, so thank you all so much to those who have been waiting! i love you all!!! <333

characters mentioned: overblot boys!

!tw! blood, would this be considered self harm? (an actual question btw)

Riddle Rosehearts <3

⋆ He’s so concerned. Honestly, when he saw the state of your hands, he gasped like some Victorian man seeing an ankle for the first time.

⋆ He’s not the type to beat around the bush, but he’s gentle about it. He’s quick to voice his concern for your health and if there’s any way for him to help you.

⋆ Knowing that he is part of the cause of your pain, sorta sends him spiraling somewhat. It really makes Riddle want to become a better person after seeing the after effects of his tyranny.

⋆ Whenever Riddle sees you picking at your hands, he kinda swats at your hands like an angry cat. A disappointed pout on his soft features. He really tries okay.

⋆ Riddle will patch your hand up. He’s so gentle about it too. Holding your hands as if they were blessed by the Queen of Hearts (honestly there’s probably a rule about it)

⋆ He’s taken to holding your hand when you're together. He stutters out a quick ‘I-it’s to help you!’ before dragging you away to study. When you're alone, Riddle has the habit of kissing your hands, mumbling sweet words.

⋆ Overall, Riddle is concerned but willing to do anything to help you.

“If you ever find the urge to harm yourself, no matter how small, I ask you to seek me out. I will always spare you a moment. Afterall, I care about you, please don’t forget that.”

Leona Kingscholar <3

⋆ He noticed the state of your hands the moment he met you, but didn’t mention it until you grew closer. Like Riddle, he doesn’t beat around the bush. But unlike Riddle, Leona is so incredibly blunt.

⋆ After you tell him it’s a habit you’ve picked up after certain events, Leona drops the subject. The both of you are too awkward to keep it going. Afterall, you both knew what events could have led you here. Guilt was quick to snag Leona’s heart.

⋆ He’s not upfront about his emotions. Leona’s quite bad with vocalizing his worries, but he’s always been a firm believer in actions over words anyways.

⋆ Expensive gloves, creams and ointments from his land, heck even fidget toys he’s seen Cheka play with, shows up at your door. Anything he believes that could help you, he’s getting.

⋆ If you’re together and your hands get particularly bad, he’s dragging you to the infirmary to patch you up (he ends up snagging/buying bandages to keep on him just in case after) He doesn’t really talk much, but the sentiment is there.

⋆ Like Riddle, Leona will hold your hands to stop you from picking at your skin. His grip is tight, but not in a way that seems like he’s scolding you or mad, but tight in a way that's comforting. As if saying ‘I’m here.’

‘Oi, stop that… Yeah, I’m aware, but I’m here now. Let’s find other ways to deal with your stress, yeah? (whispering) I think I’ve got a few ideas, if you’re up to it, herbivore~’

Azul Ashengrotto <3

⋆ He beats around the bush. Azul is weirddddd about it.

⋆ On one hand, he’s worried about you. On the other hand, his capitalist side wants to find some way to profit off it. Somehow he manages to quell both sides. (he ends up making hand cream/ointment using like floyd’s mucus thing, rip floyd)

⋆ Azul, despite his incessant need to bottle up his emotions for others, finds it hard to ignore the state of your hands, and likewise state of your health, any longer. He doesn’t know how to approach the topic. Does he ask right away? Should he ease you into it? He, for the first time since his overblot, is lost for words.

⋆ He does eventually get the guts to ask and oh boy, he never knew guilt felt this bad.

⋆ Azul kinda sucks at helping you, he won’t hold your hand (only in private) and he’s kinda frivolous with money (so no expensive gifts) but he’s good with his words. And when he sees you starting to pick at your hands, he immediately starts running his mouth. And he can talk for hours. And he’s entertaining too. Leaving you so enraptured by his words that you forget about the need to pick at your skin.

⋆ He’s always good at always keeping you busy. And no this isn’t some way to get free labor out of you. Typically you help him with paper work, just you and him in his little office.

⋆ Azul may always be boasting about how kind he is outloud, but you both know his true kindness is always quiet.

‘Ah, that’s enough paperwork for today. How about we go to the lounge for a few drinks? There’s plenty more I wish to share with you about the stock market.’

Jamil Viper <3

⋆ He doesn’t notice until you’re hissing in pain from something spicy touching your tender skin (listen i know this does make sense, but trust me, it hurts) He’s confused and worried at first and confused and worried after.

⋆ Jamil scolds you for working without some sort of protection while he tenderly washes your hands.

⋆ I feel like Jamil also has some bad coping habits, so he’s quick to put two and two together. He doesn’t ask, but there is a noticeable shift in his behavior. Jamil is a lot more gentle, not in a demeaning way, but in an awkward ‘I want to help you, but idk how, just please appreciate my efforts’ sorta way.

⋆ Since he still has his duties as Vice Housewarden and Kalim’s aid, he’s pretty tight on time, but he tries his best to spare you a few minutes. And if he can’t, you’ll always find a lunch box sitting on your desk.

⋆ Jamil is always willing to bandage your hands if they get particularly bad. He’ll use healing ointment that smells like home and is as gentle as his voice.

⋆ And while he can’t give you extraordinary gifts or talk for hours on end, Jamil is always ready to lend you a hand to heal your own destruction like how you healed him.

‘Stop squirming so much, I’ll mess up your banadages. -sigh- You really have to start wearing some sort of gloves… Mh? What was that?… You like it when I bandage your hand? E-eh- ahem, well if you like it so much, I might as well start charging you. …Ahaha, I never said thuarmarks, did I?”

Vil Schoenheit <3

⋆ He takes one look at your hand and instantly brings out a 12 step hand routine.

⋆ Listen, he doesn't care if you do it out of stress, he’s going to fix your hands while helping you find better ways to handle it.

⋆ He rubs like this gel liquid thing that tastes bad to prevent you from biting away the skin near your nail (it’s an actual thing don’t worry) He’s pulling all the stops to prevent you from injuring your hands even more than they already are.

⋆ Vil often walks the fine line of being really gentle or really strict about it. And it doesn’t stem from his perfection issues, he is just kinda bad at expressing his emotions in a way that is both productive and compassionate. He does care, you’ll just have to look for hidden meanings in his long lectures.

⋆ No doubt, Vil is getting both of you matching gloves with your signature colors as accents.

⋆ The whole 12 step hand routine actually does become routine for the both of you. Typically taking place at Pomefiore, you’ll both talk about your day. Vil sees this as a way to check off all three boxes.

⋆ He gets to do his nightly hand routine.

⋆ You're improving day by day from talking about your emotions with him.

⋆ And he gets to spend one on one time with you!

⋆ It's a win-win situation! And your hands have never been softer!

‘And Epel just had to prove his point, which ended up with him casting a Zip Tight Spell on him. Despite not even being able to move his mouth, I could tell there was so much anger running though his little body. Goodness, how ridicu-hm? Did my little spudling fall asleep? How rude~ -sigh- Sweet dreams, darling~’

Idia Shroud <3

⋆ It’s Ortho that brings up your problem. Worry evident in his voice as he showed pictures of your hands to his big brother.

⋆ Despite being gaming buddies, Idia really never paid attention to your outer appearance. Too preoccupied in his desire to beat you at every game you both play.

⋆ And poor Idia, guilt grabs him by his long ass hair and flings his lanky body across the room multiple times (not really, but in Idia’s head that what's happening)

⋆ Unlike all of the others mentioned, Idia’s way of help is rather unconventional. He’s not good at talking nor is he good at physical touch, but you know what he is good at? Yeah, making things.

⋆ After a long night, Idia shows up at Ramshackle holding a small box. What is in the box? Well your own personal health robocat! This cat is kinda like Ortho just to a lesser degree (think of the robocat seven made mc!)

⋆ Listen, he knows he’s severely lacking in multiple departments of this whole dating, heck even friend, thing, but he is trying! And RoboCat is the ultimate form of his love! It’s quite romantic really.

⋆ Is Grim happy about the new intruder? No! But your health is more important than his feelings!

⋆ Idia swears he died of pure happiness at your expression. His two favorite things together!? Eek! It’s too much!

‘A-and next time you find yourself in trouble, just c-call for Robocat and she’ll come flying!… A laser beam like Ortho? Good idea! I’ll make sure to add it in her name update!’

Malleus Draconia <3

⋆ His heart aches to see the pain you put yourself through. If it was up to him, he’d simply whisk you away to a place where no stress could muddle your beautiful mind. If he could, he would kill stress itself.

⋆ But alas, he can’t kill something that doesn’t have a physical form, how sad~ (lilia had to convince him not to go after Crowley)

⋆ Malleus is doing everything he can to help you. Just name it and he’s doing it.

⋆ Multiple gloves made of the finest materials? Got it!

⋆ Healing ointment from the farthest land made from an extinct organism? Done!

⋆ The heads of your enemies? Why didn’t you say so sooner!

⋆ He’s so silly ahahaha.

⋆ But seriously, Malleus sorta never feels stressed (he does, just thinks stress is a human emotion that only humans can feel) but he’s always willing to listen to you. Afterall, you’re always willing to lend your ears to him, it’s the bare minimum.

⋆ Advice? It’s so-so, sometimes he comes off vague but that really just because of his faeness. But he tries and is actively trying to be better, trying to be more intune with your emotions and his. (lilia has been great help, and surprisingly enough, watching silver and sebek on a more friendly level has also helped him be more in tune with emotions)

⋆ You shouldn't have to suffer in silence and he’ll make sure you never will for as long as the universe will let him.

‘You’ve been such a good companion, my dearest child of man, so please let me return the favor. Allow me to see the deepest parts of your soul, of your mind and heart. If you fear that I will cast judgment, do not. I could never judge the soul that has welcomed me with an open heart.’

#riddle rosehearts x reader #riddle x reader #leona kingsholar x reader #leona x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul x reader #jamil viper x reader #jamil x reader #vil schoenheit x reader #vil x reader #idia shroud x reader #idia x reader #malleus draconia x reader #malleus x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #mari writes!!!#tw self harm

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ever-4sunlight · 29 days

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𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 (𝑯𝒂𝒓𝒃𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏)

Includes: dottore, pantalone, childe, arlecchino

warnings: Sexuallity headcannons (my own opinion) and very bad English, mention of yandere actions in arlecchinos part

pronouns: none

1/2

𝑫𝒐𝒕𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒆

He is... Lets just say a little weird but talks much he will tell you about who he experimented on all night long you wont be able to sleep

If he is tired he gets annoyed easily so dont talk much when hes not in the mood

hes a smart person why should he do what you say? He will command you around

He will 'accidentally' test some of his syringes on you when your sleeping

He wont have much time to spend with you he has to work on his experiments! Nothing is more important then his job

If your to lonely he will send on of his clones to cuddle with you while he can work without feeling bad for not spending time with you

He is totally against kids why should he raise some idiots that will be disrespectful when they grow up?

Im pretty sure that when he ever has free time he wont tell you how much he loves you but will show you how much he loves you

If he hugs you his hands will be placed on your waist if he has time to touch you he will touch you

He will give you everything you want (no child) not personally of course he has to work so a clone will do that for him

possible Sexuallity: confusing me as much as kazuha. _.

His love language is probably: physical touch

𝑷𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆

Hes tthe richest harbinger of all he will get you whatever you want it doesn't matter how much it costs everything for his love

He is working must of the time so he will send you little gifts

If he ever has free time he will probably go out with you doing whatever you want shopping or going to a restaurant he doesn't care he will go there with you

He would probably buy you a kitty or a puppy against the boredom when hes working

Buy you every type of clothing you want it doesn't matter to him how much it costs he has the big money

Hes not completely against kids but he's working to much to help you raising them and giving up his job is no option so think about it

He wont have much time to spend with you but he will feel bad leaving you alone all the time

As long as your safe everything is alright so he doesn't have to worry

If he comes back from work he will always have a gift for you and the hours you've waited

If he hugs your he wil lay you on his chest and just stroke your hair talking until you sleep

Possible Sexuallity: bi sexual

His love language is probably: gifts and words of affirmation

𝑪𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅𝒆/𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒂

Here we go with our all loved ed sheeran also known as tartaglia he is joking around like a little kid he loves you more then everything in this world

He is definitely not the smartest of the harbingers after all he is the 11th fatui harbinger the weakest and the dumbest? Im not calling him dumb im just not calling him smart

He is a harbinger he has practically no time like the other ones T-T

But i swear to you if he has a free day he will attack you with affection cuddling you for hours and telling you how much he loves you not letting go until he has to work again

If none of his fellow harbingers are near he will talk about his brother and his sister while holding you in his arms

He will hold you by your waist having his chin on your shoulder whispering into your ear how much he loves you

He will Probably never tell you what things he has done because hes scared that you will hate him for the bad things hes done

He wants kids! 100% he just wants to see mini versions of you running around (if your male just adopted or just think in omega verse:D)

His sexuallity is probably: im not sure... Bi or pan?

His love language is probably: physical touch and gifts

𝑨𝒓𝒍𝒆𝒄𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒐

There wwe go with or harbinger mommy shes not only sexy but overall just the perfect definition of toxic<3 but we still love her and she loves you too!

She's VERY possessive and if i say VERY I MEAN VERY she gets jealous by having you just talk to someone else thats not her your hers after all

Shes cold... Not only are her hands cold but shes just someone who barely shows emotions but no worries! She still loves you

If she comes home its late and your probably already asleep but she just cant help but lean your head against her chest when she lays down beside you she just wants to have her lover close!

If you disobey her your probably getting locked into your room to keep you away fron the 'danger' outside

The only person she trusts you with is herself obviously shes the one she can trust the most shes a father! She knows what she's doing

When ttalking about kids shes neutral... Just keep the screaming thing away... But at the same time its hers and it needs protection and care

Shes not talkative so dont annoy her to much!

Her sexuallity is probably: i would actually say shes a lesbian._. But for the more judgmental audience i say bi

Her love language is probably: acts of service

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itgomyway · 8 months

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(you)r sp and you ♡

i have already made a post about how you should love yourself and your sp will love you almost as much (bc they actually are you!) but lets go into more detail

a lot of you guys, including me, wanted to get into a relationship. and with that, youve discovered the law of assumption. the basics start off with whatever you assume will be. but after months of arguing, harassment, and bullying on twitter, you’re probably confused and too scared to ask.

FUCK THAT. let me be the one to tell you that none of it matters. you very much can and WILL manifest your sp. others false opinions (false because theyre not real) mean nothing. this isnt a loass post though im talking about non dualism (which is not the same).

“but wait… i want my sp and non dualism isnt about getting so why would i-“ because your sp shouldnt be someone that brings you happiness. they should be someone who adds to your quality of life. why does that sound like loass vs non dualism? because it is.

people use the law of assumption to manifest desires for their physical world. theres nothing wrong with that! that is how i manifested my current relationship. however, when we speak about non dualism, it goes beyond trying to get anything. youre just being. and “getting” into a relationship can very much help or make your false sense of self feel better. you as consciousness know relationships themselves dont exist because it is you but your ego, the false sense of self doesnt know that. it wants to experience love as part of the human condition. but youre still not getting anything. lemme explain.

you were trying to “get” something that was never outside of you TO make you happy. that doesnt make sense when not only are they you, but they are apart of you. everything your awareness is on “reflects” how you feel about yourself because all there is is you.

lets go back to non dualism’s basics. everything is consciousness = you creation is brought on by your awareness = you. “but back when x happened-“ the past and the future do not exist. the only thing that exist is now. you cant “apply” this way of thinking to something that doesnt exist. that makes no sense. youre just going to confuse yourself. i am telling you RIGHT NOW the only truly real thing is YOU. that is all there is and will ever be. you can control your awareness through observations meaning youre in total control. read that again.

so when it comes to your sp, romantic or not, they are never not yours. they were never not you or not a part of you. every thought, feeling, affirmation, or word you wrote down, they have received. because its you. think about it. are you ever aware of anything youre unaware of? (no). because things only exist the moment youre aware of them!

and remember, if something can come to our awareness like a relationship and leave our awareness it is not real. but you, as consciousness are infinite and are always here and always consciousness. so you are real!

after discovering non dualism i have thought about the feelings my boyfriend has presented to me and how they currently match the feelings i have for myself. i have always loved myself and will always love myself. if i didnt, how could i expect my creation, which is a projection of my own self image, to have different feelings than me? your sp isnt a separate person. Your relationships will always show how you feel about yourself, romantic or platonic. they’re not real because they come and go through your awareness but your ego as the false self believes they are. and thats okay. thats its job. let it be and observe them as consciousness.

nothing can happen outside of your awareness because the moment you are aware/conscious of something, it exist instantly. so if your sp is treating you the way you dont want to be treated then reflect on your own feelings about yourself. this DOES NOT necessarily mean work on your self concept. ask yourself if “you” think youre worthy of what it is your ego desires. a lot of my blockage came from that. i had to fall in love with myself so my ego could comprehend how i could be loved. because its still me.

lets talk about “free will”.

“free will” doesn’t exist. lemme tell you why. the idea of free will is a person outside of you having a say in their own life. the basic principle of non dualism means theres only one being, consciousness (you). so tell me how can “another person” “outside” of you have a say in their “own lives” when none of that exist in the first place?

your sp having or not having free will shouldn’t effect how you feel about them unless you see them as a separate entity outside of you. they’re not an “object” you control theyre your creation and another form of consciousness so of course you have control over your creations you have control over EVERYTHING.

your sp feels the same way you feel about yourself. always. if you dont feel good about yourself then i do suggest working on your self concept. not to “get” anything but for YOURSELF! why not love yourself? why cart that responsibility off to your creation?

at the end of the day, itll just be you surrounded by your creations. you can pick and choose what they are specifically BUT THE ONLY REAL THING IS YOU

#consciousness #nondualism #nonduality #awareness #sp

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reginageorgesgirlfriend3020 · 9 months

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How Sam would be as your girlfriend (Part 3)

She isnt shy to be affectionate towards you

It doesnt matter who's in the lobby by the stairs, Sam will kiss you

When you told Sam you're gonna graduate from college she bought you these Addidas shoes

And two slices of Carrot cake

Your first date with her was eating Carrot cake and she couldnt keep not staring in your hazel Green eyes

When you saw Sam working at the diner you saw her smile at you

"That girl who sits there. She is a cutie!" Said Sam

Her coworker and friend smiled. "Go talk to her!" Said Melissa.

Sam sighed. "What do I say?" She asked Melissa.

"What does she order for breakfast?" Melissa asked.

"Pancakes. She loves pancakes". Said Sam.

"Their's the topic of conversation". Said Melissa. "You got this girl!" She said

Sam walked to where you were sitting.

You smiled. "Morning". You said.

"Morning". Said Sam. "I noticed you always order pancakes. But, I never got your name".

"I'm Lexi". You said.

"Sam". She said.

"I'd like pancakes please. And an iced coffee". You said.

Sam wrote it down. "Got it. Hey, I know I dont know you but I see you're always by yourself. And, I'd like to have breakfast with you sometime". Said Sam.

You giggled. "I would love that. Sam, are you trying to have a date with me?" You asked.

Sam felt embarrassed. And nervous. "No. Yes, yes I am trying to have a date with you". Said Sam.

"How does tomorrow morning sound?" You asked.

Sam's face lit up out of happiness! "That sounds great! Here. Let me get your number. And my treat". Said Sam.

You smiled. And gave her your phone number.

Sam is super attached to you.

She loves to hold you as much as possible

She cant stop kissing you

Sleeping on Sam's chest makes you feel safe and warm

Sam loves to go shopping with you

She loves that you're always her date while taking you out on an iced coffee date

During date night she always gets you flowers

You love that Sam is so cuddly

Even in front of her friends Sam will put her arms around you

Even when Sam is cooking her arm is always around you

When ghostface showed up you fought ghostface and

Threw them out the window killing them instantly as they hit the ground

You felt so bad you cried all night long

When Sam, Tara, Anika, Chad, Mindy, and Danny talked to Kiby about what happened

The police and Kiby knew it was self defense

The police and Kirby are so proud of you for saving your girlfriend and Tara and your friends

When you and Sam watch a movie late at night you

Always sleep on top of Sam

Sam's kisses make you feel like you're on top of the world

Sam's hugs are your safe place

Her arms are so strong

And Sam's sex is so good you still feel exhausted even while sleeping a lot

One night you and Sam had sex on the chair when no one was in the apartment

Sam had on the strap on and you love to ride her and leave scratch marks on her back

In the shower Sam loves to get intimate with you

In the shower she loves to hold your body close to hers

When you ride her thighs

She's also your valentine!

And your secret Santa on Christmas eve

She'll always tell you she loves you and she'll always kiss you

She loves to hear your sleepy voice it makes her giggle

#scream 6 #sam carpenter #sam carpenter x y/n #sam carpenter x reader #sam carpenter × you #melissa barrera #melissa barrera x reader #scream headcanons

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marvelita85 · 1 year

Text

18+ dont read it if you are not an adult, I really have a soft spot for Aegon I know who he is but there is a reason for him being the way he is

- do you love me?...

- what? .... why are you asking me that?

- please Visenya... answer me... - you saw the tears in his eyes, you knew no one show him love, just the whores he looked for in the silk street, the wine he drank to numb his feelings because you likes it or not Aegon and Aemond were unwanted children at least from your grandfather who didnt care about them and their mother Alicent who only show some love to her 3rd born Aemond and even you loved Aemond more and you wished to be married with him instead of Aegon, throught the time of you as a married couple you started to understand how much love he was denied and how much he needed from you

- how can I love you Aegon, when you show me no love yourself, I wished not to be married with you but thats something I cant change

- you love my brother... why?

- Aemond was my choise, you ended being my husband because you were the oldest son, but you show me this marriage is irrelevant for you

- is not... I wish the world for you

- but you still go and get drunk, you lose yourself in the streets of kingslanding whoring around, I only seek refuge in someone who could listen to me to enjoy my company and yes that is your brother

- I could make you suffer both of you for adultery

- but you wont, because if you want me to be like I am with Aemond with you, you will do anything I want for that to happend - Aegon knew you were right, the only think he wanted was for you to treated him with the same love you showed Aemond all the time

- please Visenya...

- shh Aegon... I am right here... - you carresed his naked form making him lied down in his bed and sat between his legs, you smile as he close his eyes moaning your name, your hands were in his chest - tell me what do you want?

- I want to be inside you... - you were soaking wet and you felt him hard in your leg, you pushed his hands above his head and hold them there with one of your hands and the other hold and press his throat making him opened his eyes in horror... he thought you were going to kill him but you only press with the right forze as you moved on top of him - if you want me to love you like now, you will have to stop being a whore and start being a prince - you gasped as you felt your walls closed around him, you let go of his neck and entwine your hands pressing your breasts to his chest, Aegon sat down kissing you so passionally hugging your form to him as he come inside you

- I dont mind if I have to share you with Aemond but dont leave me alone...

- I wont... you are my husband Aegon, Im just asking you to respect me as your wife and I'll give you my love

You didnt promise to stop seeing Aemond the younger prince didnt have a problem being your lover for now, and the prince under you wanted your love, you had both Alicent children under your spell and Helaena wouldnt mind to be part for the blacks, Daemon wanted to kill them but Rhaenyra convinced him to let you worked from the inside

You felt for Aegon too, what has started as a sacrifice to help your side of the family, you realised he was kind and cared about you, Aegon was always looking your price and aproval, everything he looked foward in his mother and was never given

he was the way he was for a reason, Alicent always manipulated him and show no love for him, not the way she felt about Aemond, Aegon only meant a male heir to get on the throne but the boy was sweet and caring but those feelings were shown only to you, he beg for atention and love he was touch starved in so many ways you just wanted to showed him and Aemond they mattered too

I got this idea both brothers falling for the same girl who happends to be their niece, Targaryens ans their ways I know

#aegon ii targaryen #aegon x oc #aegon x you #aemond targaryen fanfiction #aegon ii targaryen x you #aegon ii targaryen x reader #aegon ii targaryen imagine #aemond targaryen x you #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen imagine

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shellxrls · 1 month

Note

BEFORE I START I JUST WANNA SAY I COPIED AND PASTED THIS FROM ANOTHER BLOG I SENT, BECAUSE I WAS ALSO GIVING THEM ADVICE…DONT BE ALARMED IF YOUVE ALREADY SEEN THIS, I CAN ASSURE YOU, I AM THE SAME PERSON.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I PROMISE THIS IS TO ENCOURAGE YOU TO SHIFT, HOPEFULLY I DONT SOUND MEAN)

“I wish I could shift” don’t worry C anon has got you covered💁🏻‍♀️

Everyone who reads this and actually takes my advice will shift because you're assuming it will work.✨

before I had mini shifted, I had not shifted, never even came close. Within THREE days I mini shifted.

By using LOA, which is Law of assumption.

The Law of Assumption simplified is that everything you assume to be true is true for you. When you sit and think about this for a while, everything clicks.

Everything becomes easy. You wonder why the hell you made manifestation so complicated in the first place.

Manifestation is your ENTIRE mindset.

EVERYTHING you assume to be true

WILL be true for you.

In your case you don’t believe you can shift right? You assume you can’t shift, which is what's preventing you from shifting to your desired reality.

What does this mean? If you believe you are manifesting correctly, you are. If you believe you're doing something wrong, you are.

You know what this means? TOTAL FREEDOM. You can DECIDE that everything is working for you and it WILL. Whatever manifestation technique feels right for you, do it. Tell yourself that you're doing it right and that you always manifest quickly and successfully.

The hardest part about manifestation is persisting. You HAVE to persist in your new belief. You have to accept this new life you see in your 4D (imagination) as your true reality. You may not believe at first but with persistence, you will. I can promise you that. I made my own subliminals where I said affirmations then put something relaxing over it (quite humbling hearing my voice😭)

BUT it worked, within THREE days, because I was persistent.

All the people I know who have shifted with LOA, shifted within weeks.

When you persist you will eventually assume the feeling of fulfillment. You will know that everything is done. You no longer wonder if you have you desire, you KNOW you have your desire. You're not checking the 3D(This reality) for signs, you're fulfilled, you're detached.

Your desire no longer feels like something you want, it feels like something you have. By Law, this has to eventually show up in your physcial world.

All I shifted with, was intention, I ASSUMED I didn't need a method to shift and guess what I shifted.

Here is a small exercise that you should do.

Write down everything you don't believe about shifting. I'll give an example that I used to use, as l've shifted to the law of assumption already.

- Shifting isn't real.

- I will never reach my desired reality.

- I need a method to shift.

- shifting is difficult.

Now turn those negative thoughts into positive thoughts because your beliefs matter the most. You constantly say all of these negative thoughts, which are in your subconscious mind, is what’s causing you not to shift.

- shifting is real.

- I will reach my desired reality.

- I don't need a method to shift.

- shifting is the easiest thing ever and all I need is pure intention to shift.

PERSISTENCE IS KEY🔐

Do this for a month and if you haven’t shifted then we’ll talk. THANK YOU🩷🩷

P.S if you’re confused at all and need me to explain anything I will. I get that it’s kinda messy and may be difficult to understand!!xxx

-C

THANK YOU OMG !! this is so sweet awe i can’t believe you got this whole thing out for me <3 ! i strongly believe in manifestation and creating your own reality/manifesting what you desire, but i think i struggle with applying it in practice solely due to a pessimistic attitude lol 😶. but ill try this when i have time and ill let you know how it goes !!

#asks.ᐟ ⋆｡˚𖦹 #;c anon #;chatting

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faithlesbian · 10 months

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fresh off my s7 rewatch i keep sticking on the scene after they find that potential that's hung herself in the night. buffy has to cut her down and bury her body in the garden, which is awful, but then she comes back inside to a room full of grieving, traumatised children, shovel still in hand, and says "anyone want to say a few words about chloe? let me. chloe was an idiot. chloe was stupid. she was weak."

for the rest of that scene she lashes out at pretty much everyone in some way with the reasoning that she's been "carrying them" and that they need to start pulling their weight. that scene is a tough one to watch just from how needlessly cruel she is to the potentials, watching them flinch when she throws the shovel she used to bury their dead friend is especially affecting, and while she's not technically wrong that willow and spike have both been holding back and not giving their all due to fear of their own power, verbally abusing them about it is really only gonna make it harder.

im usually a buffy stan first and a person second so watching her be so genuinely mean is hard for me, but the more i think about it the more i realise its not actually that ooc -- we know a major theme of s7 is the isolation of being the slayer, buffy acknowledges multiple times that she pushes people away and doesnt know how not to, the resolution of the main plot is her finding a way to share her power with the world. buffy's self-isolation and lashing out at her support network is an established trauma response that we first see in s2 when she's still reeling from being killed by the master. buffy in s6 had only recently started overcoming her suicidality before nearly getting raped by spike, so it's fair to say she's equally as unmoored in s7 as she was in early s2 if not way more so. in s3 she attacks a domestic abuse victim when she's struggling to come to terms with how she herself was hurt by angel, so her calling a suicidal teen "stupid and weak" after being suicidal herself actually does track. this is how buffy acts when she's at her most traumatised.

the thing that gets me about this instance compared to the others, though, is how bad a job they do at showing that. i think its pretty easy to say calling a suicidal teen stupid and weak is bad, right? doing so in front of a bunch of other vulnerable teens who are in the same boat is worse, right? no matter how unusual the circumstances, that kind of verbal abuse isnt going to help anyone "toughen up", its just abuse. but buffy doesnt apologise for any of it, willow defends her saying it, and i genuinely cant tell if she's narratively framed as in the wrong or not. buffy barely gets a chance to acknowledge just how traumatised she is this season, the PTSD symptoms she has from the rape in s6 just sort of go away after a while which is exactly how PTSD doesnt work, scenes like this get glossed over and used to build up to her friends kicking her out of her own house, which is such a majorly discoursed scene i dont wanna touch it with a barge pole but we all know that was not the ideal way to deal with any of that, right? the way she acts, which so clearly draws on how she's previously behaved when textually struggling with trauma, is never fully questioned or explored, leading to an ambiguous framing where an argument could easily be made that its meant to be seen as justified "tough" behaviour in a high stakes plot that demands it.

for the main plot to be resolved by buffy breaking the cycle that led to her original trauma, but to also fumble the depiction of that trauma an its effects, is deeply frustrating. because yes! too much had been expected of her by everyone in that room for too long! but part of the reason is her own refusal to ask for or accept help, and that distance between her and those around her is only made worse by her lashing out at them. and she deserved to process that in an emotionally cathartic way at some point before the finale

#buffy

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empathum · 2 years

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Hi! I missed the chance of being able to get the if you could see the sun preorder bonus so, if you’re able to, would there be any way you could be able to summarise it?? The book was so good and I literally can’t stop thinking about it!!

Hi! Sure! It’s no problem, I’d be happy to :)

FIRST PART

‘BEFORE’

It’s in Henry’s pov of one of him and Alice’s classes, they have this history quiz for extra credit and they have to choose teams and people are like fighting over who gets Henry and Alice, they end up in separate teams and the extra credit quiz becomes just them trying to beat each other (bc obviously) but the thing is, the whole time Henry’s thinking about how he loves this, the way Alice glares at him gives him butterflies and if winning against her was the only way she would focus on him and only him then so be it. Their competitions, no matter how little or big it is, means a lot to him. This part also shows how much respect he has for Alice, and also let me show this part “She strides over to him first, her shoulders thrown back, determined not to bend beneath the weight of her defeat. He does not think anything in the world will ever be powerful enough to knock her down.” MY HEART

SECOND PART

DURING

This mentions how Henry has a photographic memory, and that he uses his brain like he does any computer, filtering and filing away the ones that dont matter to him and saving the ones that do, and he mentions that its mostly of alice. like her simple gestures, her scowl, her laughter. it also mentions like the first part of the book where invisible alice visits him in his dorm for the first time, he thought he was hallucinating because he was thinking of her too much! whsbwbseib then skips to that making of the app, how he spent countless sleepless nights perfecting it bc it would make them business partners, therefore getting close to her. he imagines her secret smiles, that she might compliment him and tell him he did a good job, and that is more than enough motivation for him.

then time-skip to another part of the book, the part where Alice is so stressed bc of the countless requests on beijing ghost and her academic responsibilities that when she was about to present something for english she excuses herself to calm down first, henry follows her shortly after and sees her panicking. henry obvi wanted to comfort her but resorted to looking like he was teasing her, which did kind of work bc she ended up angry rather than anxious. here henry admits that theres a part of him that just wants to hold her close and comfort her. then henry tells alice when she’s presenting she should look at him. then she’s like “why would i do that?” and he’s like “because for one my face is nice to look at” then she’s like sarcastic “sure” and he steps forward and is like “are you saying it isnt?” he says like he’s not the one who’s heart is beating rlly fast then like some more teasing then like they agree to it and she delivers the presentation looking at him and he thinks that she’s perfect. (im telling u all henry is the biggest simp)

LAST PART

AFTER (after the events of the book! yay!)

Henry has a nightmare. That last part of the book but instead it was Alice trying to be taken away and like he’s panicking and trying to save her then like they have this exchange of words and you can just feel how panicky he is. then dream alice says nobody can see her and henry says its not true because he sees her then dream alice starts to disappear and he starts calling out to her, shouting her name over and over then he wakes up. He was in his private library, before falling asleep he was there with alice and they were just reading with alice threading her fingers through his hair and him pretending to read and he got sleepy bc of it. which is odd for him because he never takes naps, especially if its accidental, but alice makes him feel relaxed 🥹❤️. so yeah he searches for alice and finds her just beside him she asks if he’s okay bc she heard that he was saying her name in his sleep, his response was to hug her and ask her to not disappear again. and then alice makes a confession about how she too gets nightmares about that night, then she says when she wakes up she’s okay because she knows he’s there, so everythings going to be okay <3

This is the part where it switches to alice’s pov again and like theyre on a study date, well alice assumed it was a study date, henry wanted a date date lmao, alice tries to make it up to him and says they should do some romantic stuff and like this funny part where she points out a store with a bunch of hearts and she says that that place looks romantic and henry says that its a lingerie shop, he of course laughs at her (tho he tries to hide it) henry then suggests they should just have dinner. then like on the way to the restaurant, theyre already abt to go in when they bump into alice’s aunt and her friends and like one of her aunt’s friends saw henry, confirmed he was rich, and tried to set him up with her daughter, which he henry thought was funny (this is in alice’s pov but like she just knows) alice speaks up and says henry is her boyfriend, lin ayi (aunt’s friend) said like an offensive ‘you?’ then henry says that he fell for alice first slightly colder than before (henry mad but calm) then they were abt to go in when lin ayi heard they were going to eat in the vip section and subtly suggests (if you could even call it subtle) if they (the 3 aunties) could join, henry gives the choice to alice and alice agrees. henry and alice walk in holding hands and henry starts pulling a chair for alice to sit down on, and henry whispers “how have i been?” like how has his ‘performance’ been because he knows alice wants to show him off, like a subtle counterattack to that lin ayi, he says he’s happy to oblige and wants to know if he’s performing up to standard (his words not mine), alice says (a lil annoyed but not tone) “you’ve been very good. happy?”

this is his legit response i had to share the whole paragraph.

henry confirmed golden retriever type in private black cat in public.

and because he’s happy alice praised him he even says he’ll treat the aunties. lin ayi pretends to be ashamed (is still the first one to order very plenty and expensive food) (god, lin ayi annoyed me sm) okay and theres the dinner and stuff then she asks if henry can drink, he’s legal so yeah he can, she even tries to pressure alice into drinking, henry says he’ll drink for her. then theres this drinking competition of henry and the aunties. of course henry would not back out. so yeah this happens and lin ayi (now obviously drunk) brings up her daughter again (she just never gives up) and asks if he’s sure he’s in a committed relationship and that theyre still young and they (alice & henry) can break up, when that happens and stuff her daughter is available (like alice isnt sitting right there). then henry completely shuts her down by saying he’s certain that she’s in a committed relationship, he’s never been certain of anything more in his life, and that if they were to ever be separated he would not be of sound heart or mind to even look at anybody else. then someone calls on lin ayi’s phone and she leaves and theyre finally alone (2 aunties r elsewhere a while ago). so yeah henry wins the drinking game, once all aunties were gone he finally lets go of his act and slumps and YES DRUNK HENRY

He says like “I won” with a smile. shes like “uh sorry what r u trying to achieve here?” and hes like “you havent told me yet” shes like “told you what” and alice is like confused lmao, and henry pouts POUTS then like more cute stuff im sorry im not going into too much detail im missing a bunch of stuff out then like henry begins to say his recent achievements to her like how he’s one of the reasons his dads company like rising revenue, how he was one of the ppl invited to talk at this big event and he’s the youngest one there, and he says “you’re not impressed?” and alice finally realizes what he wants to hear her say, then alice like chuckles and says “henry, come on. i’m always impressed by you.”

then she takes him to the car and helps him in he asks, looking more sleepy than drunk, “you’re coming, aren’t you? you won’t leave?” (he’s so cute ejdjen) then some exchanging of words then he starts getting a little clingy and says “alice i miss you, i miss you now.” “but i’m here.” “i know. that’s when it’s worse, almost. your presence… it’s overwhelming. i cannot imagine the absence of it. i don’t want to. does that make sense?” then alice strokes his hair and says “it does. but i won’t give you the chance to miss me that much. i’ll always be with you. you know that, don’t you?” then henry says with a small soft smile “i know everything.”

AND THATS A WRAP PEOPLE i obviously didnt include absolutely everything since this is already too long but like i didnt include some cute parts so i am sorry auwbswbsb like the mention of henry’s 18th bday (like literal mentioned in the after part in the drinking scene) like how alice made henry’s bday memorable. MY HEART. okay yeah thats it i hope this is okay hehe

#if you could see the sun #alicehenry

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aroaceconfessions · 1 year

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I've always had a complicated relationship with being aromantic, I discovered I was aro at the end of a 3 year long relationship. I felt guilty because I thought in some way I tricked that person into loving someone who couldn't love them back for 3 years.

I felt guilty because I KNEW they deserved to be loved, they deserved to be in a relationship where they felt every single emotion reciprocated, they deserved to be loved and to know they are loved. I was just the only thing in the way of that.

This guilt has surrounded my relationship with aromanticism ever since, at times I hate it, I hate I live in a world where I can't relate to anyone, I dont see myself in my parents, in my friends, strangers on the street, even in my own community. I wanted to deny this part of me, or at least find a work around, I would get into relationships. I would fully set my boundaries, communicate, and explain me being aro and every single time my partners have been incredibly excepting. But no matter what this creeping guilt would appear, telling me that I am tricking another person into loving me when I can't reciprocate. Because god fucking dammit, I know with every inch of my body that every person I've dated deserves to be loved in the exact way I couldn't give them. For this I hate being aromantic, but other times, I love it, I accept this part of me that will never change and Im okay with that. My aromantic identity is not a flaw. And I wish I didn't see it like one. I don't see it as a flaw when other people tell me they are aromantic, I wish I could show myself that same kindness. And I think one day I can.

I honestly don't know exactly why I am submitting this here, I think maybe to just shout all these emotions into a void, or to try and find some sort of companionship, or this could be an attempt at trying to let someone know they aren't alone. Internalized arophobia is a bitch, and I want to unlearn these ideas but it's hard. It sometimes feels like the world is constantly reinforcing how these thoughts are true even when I know they obviously are not. I hope in some weird weird way me venting all these emotions helps someone in some way, even if that person is just myself.

Submitted February 17, 2023

#aromantic #aro #arospec #aspec #internalized arophobia #internalized aphobia #amatonormativity #dating #relationships

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wegonbealright-09 · 10 months

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ur very much a hater lmao 😭. and last anon was right, yoongi was the one who said the bb hot 100 thing, jk has neverrr said anything about his goals on that chart, even as a group, only celebrated their success after the fact, so not sure where you're getting this "sudden obsession" from. as a matter of fact, jimin has talked more ab his goals for bb than him. and he should ! theres nothing wrong with explicitly stating your goals especially when you make fire ass music that deserves to be number one, its called manifestation and putting their wants into the world. your issue is that you see the 10% of the member's lives that they choose to show us and come up with these narratives to feed your own delusions about how you feel about them and their personalities. bitter ab yoongi going on tour like it has anything to do with his enlistment ? HUH 😭😭? 2+2= fish in your head too ig. and you saying joon being bitter bc he wants to be acknowledged for the work he does... ??? see im typing this out and its just not making sense. he's always done that before they even got instagram, AS HE SHOULD because it's HIS work and if he wants to make a post ab writing some lyrics then he can and you saying he's bitter for doing that is extremely odd. as for tae, be fucking fr lol. u sound like the type to get mad if a member didnt make a happy birthday post like they dont have each others literal phone numbers and addresses. and tae did support jimin's solo songs multiple times on weverse, but you ignore that bc it doesnt fit your narrative. get out your mind, take a walk outside, and come to the realization that you dont know these people and making up these negative narratives ab their personalities is oddball behaviour to say the least. and lastly, joon and suga have nothing to be bitter about. theyre part of the biggest group in the world. their albums are critically acclaimed. this second chapter of bts has brought out the worst in people like you because you constantly try to make it a competition between the members, and theyre not letting you do that bc they actually support each other and congratulate each other in their accomplishments, whether they post it online for fans to see or not. at the end of the day bts trumps all, which is what all 7 members have said and have been saying🤷🏾‍♀️and people like you are just gonna have to suck it up or unstan bc the negativity and d! ck measuring contests are not it and goes against anything bts have ever said about each other.

Anon I should let you write my history essays you know, :⁠-⁠)

Me a hater? Excuse me?

You anon you are the type that goes to posts about jimin stans and qrt " jimin would hate y'all, he's die for his members and put you on fire" every time they trust to address the injustice but okay.

Jk has talked about the billboard he's not even manifesting he knows it it'll lend on his lap because scooter has made sure if that. That man doesn't even shit about his upcoming album he doesn't know shit he's just going to accept it and move on like he did with seven. And lmfao. I'm not obsessed with jk, I've had this blog for such a long time but i didn't post anything I only followed people and interacted in post you can click to see which posts I've liked and who do I follow. But anon I got tired of everyone here acting ignorant like they don't see what's going on, like " yhea we've got some jikook crumbs let's not address the payola and fraud that is going on". I'm not obsessed far from it, this dude lately just pops up in feed and annoys the fuvk out of me, something he's never did before. And also jk is chart obsessed lately even some of his fans can see you don't fine by me.

Jimin never talked about his BB goals like what do you mean. That man wanted to release face as a free album on sound cloud because he felt like this is his story and he wants fans, and everyone to be able to hear it and relate and see the world from his point of view, so you tell me anon you tell me. Jimin didn't even think that like crazy was going to number on he was impressed with how well smf pt2 did because guess what he didn't expect that as well. So idk what you tryna say anon.

I agree I don't know what's going on with their lives. I didn't say I'm telling the truth here or some like that my posts are based on my opinions and observations. If me not agreeing with what most of y'all think is being called delusional girl I've been delulu i still think jimin is going to release and album with Bruno Mars as a featured artist or him and Bruno are going to pay homage to MJ someday so yhea I am delulu.

Birthdays are no big deals I myself I don't celebrate my own birthday and just like jimin I give zero fucks about my birthday. Okay anon I admit I was wrong it's okay for ones best friend to not congratulate him on social media platforms when he had just did the impossible and made history and decides to do so privately only when it comes to them, it's totally okay.

I'm not even going to talk about yoongi and Joon because this I've said what I've said. I'm not backtracking you can go throw yourself off a cliff idc

I thought you said everyone's entitled to their own opinion but now that I'm expressing mine I must touch some grass and take a walk. How about you snap back to reality huh? As I've said if when you see BTS you see rainbows sunshine's and clouds that's okay but I don't and I'm not tryna force my opinions on people I'm just saying what I think and feel and I might be wrong idc it's just how I feel.

Anon I'm not laughing I swear. You know I'm not a hater I've said that in the second chapter there's been a shift in the group's energy and I'm standing on that. Your last sentences wooo anon you're the one to say what I'm doing goes against what bts have said to each other. So is what's jk is going with the fraud and payola but I don't see you ranting and calling him out, he's going against everything that BTS has ever believed in, the legacy they've created, the image they've built. For what? A few records that some western artist is going to break again with more payola than him. If you look as scooters old interviews about Gangnam Style and all. Jk is just a puppet to his show, he hates jimin more than he's ever did because he has a break through in the western market as soloist without his help, he sis what he could do with Gangnam even after all that promotion on his own with little to no promotion

But hey this is just my opinion I don't want to sound" obsessed" so this is the last time I'm talking about jk.

Anon neither you know what's going on behind closed doors but if you like to act ignorant fine by me my opinion and yours are different anyway thank you for visiting my blog and having the nerve to tell me to touch some grass on my own blog smh

#jm #jimin #jk #jeon jungkook #bts

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zarinthel · 5 months

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Its so cool that you're doing the dvd commentary ask meme!! Im really curious about chapter 4 of fallow fields (and all the other chapters too but especially that one ;-; )

chapter 4 of fallow fields, lol. I wonder why.

Alright, let's start from the top.

So my first mistake was openly declaring that Seiko and Kakashi's birthday is only a week apart, making every chapter after this much harder to fudge dates on due to the fact that they need to almost always be four years apart instead of the /1 week/ where they are five years a part. terrible idea and I should not have done this, no matter how well it worked for this one chapter. learn from my mistakes: do not do this.

so the big thing about this chapter is that "this is the chapter where sakumo dies". of course. so im writing everything with the understanding that this is the last time we're ever going to see him. he'll be haunting his kids, of course, but this is his last chance to be alive. and he knows it, too. since he, more than anyone, knows "this is the chapter where sakumo dies". he's already decided to die before the chapter opens up. that's why he's quiet, peaceful, and happy.

he wants his kids to have good memories. that's important to him, in a hypocritcal way. he wants kakashi to have a birthday party. he'd have thrown one for seiko if she'd let him, but she won't.

he feels immensely guilty over seiko, because he feels that he has let her down by failing to protect her from harm. if only he'd taught her better, maybe she would have not gotten so injured-- if only his enemies had not targeted her, she would have been fine. He also thinks that she's too mature, that she grew up too fast, that the girl he raised is gone and instead he's got a ninja who he can't even relate to through training. sad!

Hoheto's in this chapter. he's very important for the story, so whenever seiko has a "turning point chapter", its necessary for us to check in with him and see how her reflection is doing. cute

Kakashi and Seiko have a cute familial moment, and you have to understand-- their father is dead already during this convo. the worst has happened. they just dont know it yet. Their arguing over uniform size because I wanted to emphasize how small and young kakashi was, and i bring up seiko's wrist pain to emphasize how fragile she is.

this is so it will hurt more.

lol.

the death is off screen because i feel having on screen suicide can be immensely tacky.

anyway, we immediately timeskip to the next morning. Seiko has gone to work. in world she has gone to work because it didn't occur to her not to: out world she has gone to work so that ensui can accompany her. i like ensui, and the next few chapters are going to be showing whats left of her saftey net now that her dads dead, so its overhwemingly important that we see him now, when she needs him most.

ensui is not great at grief, but he's responsible enough to try. which is sweet of him.

asuma! to me asuma is like the calendar of the world. everytime we see him hes in a new stage of his life, so you get to be like Oh my god. time. its passing. that's so scary. and also he's dead in canon so your like wow all of that and hes fucked.

kakashi telling seiko he's moving out. yeah. not like this is something thats going to haunt him for the rest of his life. its understandable why he did it but was it responsible? but at the same time, its not his job to be responsible. hes 6

duy < 3 i always intended the chapter to end here because i really didn't want this to be THE ANGST CHAPTER. like. thats why sakumo dies in the middle. so im not ending on it like its a cliffhanger.

"im so sorry, seiko". no one else is ever going to cry for sakumo, ever going to apologize to her for how bad this part of her life is. except for him.

ah, and might gai. he's young. but hes truly the best that konoha will ever have. and i wanted to emphasize that seiko...

her disabilities are severe. if she didn't have someone like gai she would struggle horribly. because unlike what sakumo belived, her life without him is /worse/.

#meta

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mspaintp7ague · 1 month

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quite thankful i dont have a lot of dysphoria cause my mom thinks hrt will give me heart problems or some shite 😐 like bitch please you do realize cis men just have that much t and don't go around dropping dead right

my doctor is chill on the whole thing she's just bein weird. there's a trans health center pretty close to us but nooo she doesn't want to go there and check out the actual medical resources and opinions on the matter. oh and she's also antivax but just for the covid vaccine. yes i am still not vaxxed for covid fml

tldr. im gonna be Busy after i turn 18

fr tho she really is just being stupid. i don't ever want children so idgaf about losing my fertility. idgaf if it would actually kill me tbh the world is going to shit anyway and i doubt i'm gonna amount to anything. thing is literally no one thinks hrt kills you. she needs to get off chinese 4chan fr

she lets me do what i want for the most part but is annoyingly stupid about certain things. yeah i don't like the government either but the vaccine that millions of people have taken is not going to give me cancer in ten years. she fr thinks people will start dropping dead eventually and "we just need to wait to see the long term effects" the mrna is reabsorbed in like. three weeks. how do you have this little critical thinking / trust in science

and she thinks men and women genuinely have biological differences to the point that gendered razors are actually important and you need a dick to wear boxers. fuck off mom let me buy some swim trunks. the razors i could care less about tbh cause she pays for them but still

ughh. kinda glad i'll probably commute to college cause rooming with someone would probably get awkward in several ways.

she also doesn't seem to believe in mental illness. which. while im self diagnosing and mostly guessing at what's wrong with me i am about 100% certain i have trichotillomania (hair pulling compulsion) because. yknow i fucking do that and have a giant bald patch on my head. and she will just be like "why don't you just stop?" and "use some self control" etc. recently i've decided to just stop showing her my hair (i wear a hat a lot) because it really just makes me feel worse and it's not her fucking business. she keeps asking anyway but i'm just gonna keep telling her no until it grows back. she literally can't do anything to help and only makes me feel worse about it

another thing i'm less sure about is the possible cyclothymia / mild bipolar i may have. i mentioned it to her and she thinks it's just mood swings, which, it might be, but this has been happening for a long time. so much in fact that i've projected it onto my ocs. plague as a character started off as a 'normal' mask of myself but gb (who was based off my irl appearance but. whiter) had two characterizations that i swapped between inconsistently. can u guess what they were. yeah. depressed/apathetic and extremely manic, deranged even. looking back i see the patterns of depression and extreme interest in media/characters/other stuff i've had. even if i would hide it irl i'd have weeks where i stayed up until 3 or 4 multiple days in a row just because i couldn't stop playing a game or reading or i just had this amazing idea and i have to write/draw it right now or i will explode. sleep is for the weak. etc. and then i'll have weeks where i can't look any of my teachers in the eye and am too tired of caring to shower or do laundry or anything beyond the bare minimum chores and wake up in the morning skip breakfast and walk to the bus stop contemplating if it's worth it to still be alive. at least when i'm excited i'll do essential stuff just so i can get back to the fixation again. it's so fucking stupid. "yeah sorry i havent worked on my essay in six weeks because i was too busy doing random shit and/or thinking about dying but was too pussy to actually do anything sorry"

that and the anxiety spirals. those were pretty bad for a while. like. someone told me they wanted to play games with me and i said yes. then they didn't reply for forty minutes and i just. kept thinking i did something wrong or misunderstood their message or otherwise fucked up but turns out they just forgot they messaged me. haha. yeah totally normal reaction there plague.

i can't tell if there's something seriously wrong with me or not but i don't want to tell my therapist about it because i don't want to get institutionalized or something. and my mom is anti medication too. yippee. maybe it's too much to hope some drug will make me stop having days where i can't fucking do anything for literally no reason but i don't know how to fix myself otherwise.

oh and i mentioned to my mom very vaguely a time where i overshared some suicidal thoughts and proceeded to spiral for like 5 hours straight over getting no response and ultimately dipped from a friend group for a while and now she wants to know the details. i literally told you i didn't even tell my therapist the whole story what gives you the right to know? huh?

i don't know if i'm normal. i feel like i'm not but i might just be overreacting and being edgy. i also have definitely have experienced impostor syndrome about several things in the past so i clearly can't trust my own judgement on either thing.

i also don't think i love my family. they don't really matter that much to me anymore. i think i felt something for them when i was younger but it's just not there anymore. my mom simply does not understand a lot of things and i think i see her on the same level as a friend, maybe. we talk and spend time civilly but there is nothing deeper there on my end. i've tried explaining it to her but i don't think she gets it. i really feel nothing more for her than for my school friends.

my siblings i've never been very close to anyway. i don't feel like i can talk to either of them about much anymore. with brother i can sometimes but i only reference certain stuff through jokes. yeah look at this funny stan blog i made for this vtuber that i've been thinking about nonstop for the last two weeks because i can't tell the difference between a crush, admiration, gender envy and aesthetic appreciation of his avatar. i'm so silly and not mentally ill at all.

there's no one who's an appropriate audience for this huh. ok. mental illness blog it is

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epipenis · 5 months

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what would i say

“i’ve been lying to you, it’s not fine” i’ve said that, idk if it would have the weight that the truth does.

i think i’ve been trying to let it bleed out for a long time. idk if there’s a solution. i feel like we’re together compulsorily…. i hate that. i want to feel wanted……… i dont. idk. maybe i do. i feel myself becoming a bad person. a sneak. a liar. more.

i want to let it bleed out. but i feel fear, for so many reasons…. because of history. with devin. without devin.

and ofc, i know devin hates long convos. perhaps i’ve been lying to myself most of all. im so hurt. and idek what for anymore. none of it feels justified enough. i don’t want to torture them. i think i’ve failed us. how do i proceed? idk if it’s just seeking comfort or displacement or what, but i think maybe we’ve always been doomed. i was too fragile and needing to be wanted at all. in any capacity. and devin similar. we’ve grown so much, and yet so much damage has been done. can i ever tell the truth? will you hate me? will you run away? have i caused too much damage to repair. i want you to comfort me in that, but i know its not your job. some secrets i keep so close, i end up telling lies to bury them and then forget the truth. i think im fake. i’m made of plastic. fear. need for control. so many things. so much pain. so much failure. god……… no one can comfort me. you could leave me… maybe you should. i think “i want you to show me gratitude for what i’ve done for you, what i’ve sacrificed”. but that’s not it. it’s about what that gratitude means. it means i’m safe, it means you love me. it means you’ll forgive me. even when im annoying. even when i keep making long conversations happen. even when i pull away because idk what to do anymore, i want you to maybe feel pain and if you don’t then it wouldn’t matter anyways and maybe it would just make you happier.

i keep thinking “please just hold me”…. i hate my brain. i want to kill myself…. try again in another life. but doesn’t everybody feel this way? isn’t everyone this… complicated. what are we. what am i. why do i exist. i’m not strong enough for them. i’m nothing. and i show that pain and fear…. and it makes it worse…. they resent me for asking for too much…. they’re learning to pull back…. and honestly. it’s for the best…. i know it is. but some awful part of me that doesn’t know any safety or comfort outside of a cycle wishes…. so badly…. that you wouldn’t. but i did this all for you… fuck olivia rodrigo for that line.. yeah.. i do think about it we broke up, i would probably feel that way about your therapist that i found, for us, and gave to you. you’re all i think about…. is this love? is this enmeshment? have i lied so skillfully that i’ve even convinced myself… do i even know how to love. am i that broken. i want to suffer so i dont have to think about it anymore. when im suffering at least i can just focus on that…. god if you ever saw this. you’d hate me. maybe not hate. but you’d know i’m bad for you. and you’d be right. and it wouldn’t even matter that i’m crying about it right now. because you’d be gone. and better off for it. my world- my thoughts, are so painful, all i ever think about in regards to them is wanting to be hurt and wanting to be comforted. one day mom and dad will die. and i will be truly alone. no one will be forced to care about me. no matter how hard i try. no matter how much i try to force smth so that its capability of working without force is indiscernible. no. not even then. i will hurt you. i will frustrate you. i will need too much. heaven isn’t real. and nobody can give it to me.

devin please love me. please want me. please…. i shouldn’t ask this of you any longer. you can have a good life, i can see it… you should have it… im…. i won’t say nothing because i think if i did you would give up on me- because what’s it worth trying with someone who feels that way.

what is human connection really? i mean… i said previously i couldn’t let you see this place. i changed the url and everything. and now, i think, that’s just fear, it could happen. i could show all parts to you and you to me. i want to die because i think that’s the only way it could be possible. i don’t actually want to die…. idk…. life hasn’t gone super well for me. and if you left…. idk….. i think that would… just…… traumatize me more. idk if i could cope without allowing it to become trauma. would i want to leave you first? idk…. i think i guess i just don’t want to see you be happy… functional…. better off without me. i want to be good for somebody. anybody.

the only way to let go of this fear is to truly find altruism at the same moment as another. to want you because i want you. not for me. and for you to do the same. idk if that’s possible. what does it mean to want…. to be wanted…. can even the best professionals help me? will i just live on like this forever until i die too. i will die. this life isn’t real…. it is…. but…… it’s not mine. my life was supposed to have heaven. my life was supposed to have that comfort. unconditional. dad did it- why can’t i? what could i need? is the solution to bury it? how deep would it have to go… is the solution to gaslight myself? idk how much feeling it can solve in this situation. i’m trying so fucking hard………. and it’s still…. too much, and not enough.

ugh. devin please….. idek what i’m asking for. i do. and im trying not to.

please live for yourself…. and in your memory think fondly of me…. know that as fucked as it is and was…. as much as i couldn’t do it for altruism…. that i tried… and i do genuinely hope your life is better off for it. go find it somewhere. out there.

fuck.

i feel like my mind is turning into scrambled eggs. i don’t know how to parse it. idk how i get through the day, i just- do? how long ago did i stop feeling? does everyone feel? does everyone stop? do they feel it like i do- or does it happen young enough? idk.

i want to process this. it’s so big. how?

if i can’t find a resolution at least try to emotionally support the other and be compassionate…

last thing- it makes me sad that you felt negatively about that long convo… i- i felt good…. it made me so happy. it changed so much in me. i know it was long. and bumpy…… but i was so happy. i thought you were too. maybe you were and i didn’t know it, maybe im just getting one version. maybe i should ask you about it…. how would i react if you confirmed my fears….

anyways. i don’t feel like i really have friends anymore. i feel distant from everyone. i miss sam so much. i think he would get it. maybe… perhaps i just have an idea of him, and not actually him. devin….. ugh, im not gonna ask you to hold me. i have to try to take responsibility for this…. all of this. i have to right?

devin feels distant. they don’t want me to be growing and processing like this with them. they want me to do it on my own. like they do, more and more. but without this- what’s left?

how can i support and be compassionate for myself right now. here. i’m grateful for my vulnerability. i’m sorry it hurts, it’s a lot of big heavy emotions, from so long ago. it’s not easy. it’s ok that it hurts. it’s ok that it’s a lot.

finn, i promise to try- no, i promise to learn to love you unconditionally, because no one else will. you are brave, you are strong. you are worthy. you do good. you struggle, you have done things that are wrong, you have hurt others, but you are good. you can be good no just reactionarily, you can change and be kind and strong for yourself, not just out of guilt. try one step at a time.

devin is right. getting out will help.

it will be ok. i will grow. i will struggle. and it will be worth it- finn- you are worth it. you are good, you are loved- by me. i love you. i will hold you. i will be kind to you. i will not let others hurt you. i promise you. shh, it’s ok, now rest, you’re safe, you’re loved, you’re wanted, you are worthy, you are useful, you’re ok. rest. it’s ok. it won’t always be easy to comfort you this way, but i will do it. i will be here with you. even when it’s hard. i’ll never leave. i am you. you are me. i will find a way for us- me, to find comfort from within, so we can stop hurting ourselves and others so much.

#12/4/23

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selsbrainfarts · 5 months

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Once again I'm sitting here, like any other evening since the last few weeks.

My mind is racing but empty at the same time.

I feel like theres cotton balls in my skull.

I dont know what to feel anymore.

Is it emptyness?

Solitude?

Grief?

Anger?

Or just a combination of it all, overwhelming me beyong sanity?

I guess thats the one.

I dont know what everything always has to happen at the same time, but it always does.

And every time I wish I could just escape this shithole of a planet.

Escape my fate.

But no matter how far I'd run, it will always be there.

I dont have any solution to this all.

I can just wait and try to numb myself on the weekends.

Yet the numbing never happens, no matter how sensless I drink myself, it donesnt go away.

I need distraction from my private life, yet work is just as crippling as the rest.

It seems like its always me, messing up, being involved, takeing the brunt of anger from everybody.

I know I'm a waste of space, I know I'm slow, I know I'm lazy, I know I'm dumb.

I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm disgusting.

I know.

I try to just avoid everybody because my heart cant take any more at the moment, but everybody seems to follow me just to take their anger out on me.

The problems I have just keep piling up, I dont even know what to work on first.

I want to visit grandma everyday, i know she doesnt want to die alone, but I cant bare it.

I love her so much and I owe it to her but my heart feels like it tearing out of my ribcage.

Grandpa believes he will die before her and the thought pulls the floor from under me.

I know he has had a lot of health issues lately but I didnt think...

They are my world, my safe place.

I cant bare to think about losing them.

Not so close together, not now, not ever.

But its part of life.

I know.

And all things that would usually distract me from that pain just pain me even more.

Because everything needs to happen at once.

I used to seek comfort in my animals.

But my bunny died this summer and my cat now has dementia and hates me all of a sudden.

Its rare she wants me near her.

I used to talk to my friends, I still do but I cant talk honestly.

Not sober.

And even drunk, its not the whole truth.

Because I dont want to burden anybody when they have just as many problems.

And then I find myself, sitting in the cold rain, listening to them and feeling my heart rip even more.

The words want to come out.

But I wont let them slip.

Pathetically enough, I'm still in love with him.

Despite receiving no interest shown towards me.

Despite him showing clearly how utterly stupid he finds me.

Despite not having exchanged a single word for almost 5 months now.

Despite being told and knowing it would never work.

He likes pretty girls, and I am not that.

He was in love with my best friend and she is the polar opposite of me in terms of appearence.

Its so pathetic but thats quite fitting for me.

I'm stuck in this feeling.

Wishing he'd be here, hug me close and just tell everything will be ok.

But it wont happen.

My mom is as bad as always, makeing me feel awful whenever she can.

Makeing fun of my feelings, destroying my comfidence day by day.

Reminding me that I'm not enough for her.

And I know when she is feeling low again and is deep in her manic depression, I will be the one caring for her.

But whenever I'm low or sick, I get even more attacked and hurt by her.

Because I cant do everything she wants me to.

And my dad?

He was honest to me, confessing he had a mental breakdown or even suffers from burnout.

Because even the one person in my life I counted on, knew was strong crumbles at some point.

The approaching death of my grandma pulls him back to 10 years agon, when his mother died.

And thats what broke the great wall of built up feelings and trauma.

I cant bare to see him so empty, broken and hopeless.

I want to help him so badly, but how does one help another when they cannot even help themselfes?

#diary #thoughts #typingmyfeelingsaway

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