#eddie however is in my heart as ALWAYS and i really wanna get the energy back to finish her novel!!!!

[robynrileyart]

you can always tell when i'm between hyperfixations bc my art posting goes from 60 every day to 0 for WEEKS

#posts #sighhhhh #i wanna make some new ocs but im having trouble building them SOBSSS #i created millie recently and she's so cute #her fc is katie mcgrath from merlin but then i started rewatching merlin #and millie is essentially pre-emo era morgana #im DISTRESSED #so i have dragon age origins coming at the weekend so i'll play her in that and see where it takes me :') #i miss my ocs but yanno........ #waves on the shore #eddie however is in my heart as ALWAYS and i really wanna get the energy back to finish her novel!!!! #but i am. super unwell unfortunately. sooo L

[translatemunson]

track five — the ex tapes

warnings: not proofread. female reader.

author's note: THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE DURING THIS SERIES! (sorry i took too long to update). this is the last chapter, and the epilogue will be posted tomorrow! hope you like it!

series masterlist

It has been weeks. Eddie kept his part of the promise. No calls, no mentions of you — actually, he only talked about how amazing it was to work with Charlie Rogers and how he was happy to get someone that’s not usually from the rock scene to work on something so honest, but so powerful at the same time.

Having your name on the credits had turned out to be a thing for a successful song. You were working so much these days that you feel you’re reaching your limits. Of course, working with Corroded Coffin added a few more people interested to your list, and you were trying to fit everyone.

But you just couldn’t.

That’s why you decided to go on a break. It was a good time since Nancy and Robin were in town, so you would have some time to go out and help them find a place to move in. Driving around LA and having late nights with your friends was everything you needed to keep your mind off work.

And away from the new hit song from Corroded Coffin. 

Kinda impossible to forget when the song keeps playing non stop at every radio station. A few days ago, you got a special delivery from the band’s manager: a VIP ticket and an official invite to watch them at one of the sold out Los Angeles concerts, where they would play the song live for the first time. Little did he know you already had tickets for the most distant seat from the stage.

That’s where you’re watching the concert right now. You bought their CDs, listened to all their songs, learned how to sing them. And even if it hurted you to admit, you are really liking it. The energy, how they can control the crowd and engage effortlessly.

And Eddie. You can’t take your eyes off him.

The lights are lowered and the instruments stop. Eddie takes the center stage, a different guitar in his hands. It’s the same one he played when you recorded the song. He pulls his hair back and smiles.

“Having a good time?” The crowd screams. “Glad to hear that. I’m kinda nervous, y’know? I have this special song, like you all heard it already and something says it’s a fans’ favorite,” he smiles and you swear he found you in the middle of the crowd. No, it’s just something in your mind. “It’s also my favorite. This one is special because I wrote it with someone that’s really good with words, and I feel like this is more personal than anything that I wrote.”

His confession is followed by a small pause. He scans the faces around, looking at a specific place close to the stage. Maybe that’s where he was expecting to see you. As soon as reality hits — you’re not there, you didn’t accept his offer — he looks to the band and then smiles to the crowd, wearing the Eddie rockstar Munson mask over his sadness.

“I feel like since this is our second sold out show in LA, I might sing it live. What do you think?”

Everyone screams. People know the words to it, and as a songwriter you can’t lie, this is always fulfilling. However this one song hurts the most to hear. Eddie strums the first note and you feel like someone is taking your heart out.

You'll be the saddest part of me

A part of me that will never be mine

It's obvious

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

Everyone sings it together. You hold your body tightly, but you can’t avoid moving your head with the melody. 

There's a few lines that I have wrote

In case of death, that's what I want, that's what I want

So don't be sad when I'll be gone

There's just one thing I hope you know, I loved you so

It’s funny to hear it. You’re almost sure those lines were written by you, but when Eddie sings it, he makes it his.

'Cause I don't even care about the time I've got left here

The only thing I know now is that I wanna spend it

With you, with you nobody else here

Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

Eddie’s voice gets heavier and stronger on the chorus. He’s singing from his heart, it’s more transparent than when you recorded. It’s like he’s in pain, real pain. Heart being torn apart, every single emotion being pulled out of him.

I'm sorry but I gotta go

If you'll ever miss me give this song another go

And I just keep on thinking how you made me feel better

And all the crazy little things that we did together

In the end, in the end, it doesn't matter

If tonight is gonna be the loneliest

It hits you harder than you expect. You’re sobbing, tears rolling down your face. Because this song is so personal it is strange to hear it in the voice of thousands of people. You can’t remember anymore which part it’s yours, which is Eddie’s and which lines you wrote together, eyes connecting and words matching.

As the guitar solo starts, you decide you can’t take it anymore. You hold your bag closer to your chest and walk towards the exit. That’s the limit.

You leave the venue almost immediately. You’re running, the tears making your vision blurry, people asking you if you’re alright. No, you’re not, but you don’t wanna say it out loud. You find the first vacancy cab and give the address to the bar where you're meeting your friends.

It’s not impossible to find Steve waving his arms, complaining about never beating Robin in any game. Robin is laughing, holding their beers and begging Steve to let this go. Nancy sees you first and says “Steve, stop, she’s here.”

“Y/N?” he spots the signs that you’ve been crying. “Come here, you need a drink and a few hugs,” Steve opens his arms, but you can’t move.

“Hey, let’s get your face washed, ok?” Nancy steps in, holding your hand and taking you out of your mind. “We’ll be right back, guys.”

You follow Nancy to the back of the bar, not paying attention to anyone around you. You let her guide you to the sink, get some paper towels and remove the make up stains. You do your best to not start crying again. Nancy whispers that everything is gonna be alright while doing it.

“Do you want me to watch over your drinks tonight? I’m not opposed to the idea of you drinking to get these out, but maybe you should be careful,” she says as she throws away the paper towels. 

“No, it’s fine, I’m not drinking today. I promised Steve I would drive his car back, so no alcohol for me.” You check yourself in the mirror, glad that Nancy still does a pretty good job as one of your best friends. “You can drink your weight in alcohol, tho, I’ll let you crash in my bed for the night.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. The sofa is comfortable, so don’t worry.”

“Let’s go back, Steve ordered fries and mini burgers before you arrived,” and then Nancy is holding your hand and dragging you back to the table. 

Robin moves in the booth to give you space, and you sit across from Steve and Nancy. He looks for any signs that something is very wrong, and when there’s none — already used to your super emotional persona, and he doesn’t think it’s bad — he asks “Did he talk to you?”

“Steve!” Nancy slaps his arm.

“Ouch! No, but really, did he see you?”

“I’ve told you I was going on my own, staying far away from him. So, no, Steve, we didn’t talk,” you feel your lips getting bitter. Robin passes you the soda she got you. “Thanks, Robie.”

“And the song? Did he play it?”

“Yes, he did. And it was perfect,” you admit. “Can we just not talk about it? I'd rather die than think about Eddie Munson.”

“Wait, just one more question!” Robin has the devilish smile that sends a wave of fear through your bones. “Do you still love him?”

“Robin, not a good time,” Nancy rolls her eyes. 

“She clearly does, and I’m not letting her run away from this chance.”

“He promised me we would follow our separate paths, and I’m doing my part.” You still didn’t tell any of your friends that Eddie kissed you before you went back home that day. And you would die before sharing this detail.

“Such a talented songwriter, but so dumb. Y/N, really, that boy is in love with you. It’s been weeks since you wrote it, I can’t believe you’re not seeing each other,” Steve says.

“Well, we had a meeting to agree on my part of the deal, but that was it.” Yeah, you walked into the room with your manager, Eddie and his team, but it was a short meeting. He sat there and insisted that you would get the bigger cut of the revenue of the song — since they decided to release it as a special single —, and you just agreed. Papers were signed and that was it. He didn’t even talk directly to you.

“Stupid Y/N,” Robin sights.

“Can we just move on to something else? Please.”

“So, we finally decided on which apartment we’re renting,” Nancy says. 

“Please tell me it’s the one close to the beach, I would love to crash there after a long day,” you share your thoughts, even though everyone knows it already. Maybe you should break your lease and get this one. 

“Hm, no, actually we made an offer to rent the unit across yours!” Robin shares excitedly. “We should move in next month!”

“And since Johnathan only lives a few hours up north, we are finally gonna be back together!” Robin adds.

“No way!” Steve celebrates. “That’s amazing news! But how did you get it?”

“Oh, Nancy met the lady that owns the place a few days ago and used her persuasive skills to convince her to let us rent it,” Robin explains, dipping her fries in ketchup.

“That’s great! So happy to have you close again! We’re throwing a house welcome party! We can invite some of your LA friends so you could also meet them and create a circle for you as well,” you’re already making plans, finally getting a missing piece back to you.

“Yes! Dinners on me!“ Steve announces.

“I’ll bring the music! And some guys and ladies that might catch your attention,” you blink.

Steve waves to someone behind you, but you assume he’s just calling the waiter to get more beers. 

“It’s gonna be one hell of a party!” Robin cheers.

“Am I invited?” The voice you could recognize anywhere.

He steps closer to the table, wearing fresh clothes and his classic denim vest. Robin slips to the middle of the booth and you have no option but to make space for him.

“Eddie, you came!” Steve says and gives you a I’m sorry smile. “How was the concert?”

“It was great. Nancy! Robin! If I knew you were in town, I’d brought you all to the concert,” he takes the vacancy seat by your side and shots you a timid smile. “Did you get the VIP ticket I’ve sent you?”

“You had a VIP ticket and still went with the shitty tickets?” Robin is furious at you.

“So you were there?” Eddie smiles.

There are four pairs of eyes on you and none of it helps with your feelings. You face Eddie and push him out of the place he just took.

“Ouch! Is that a way to treat a rockstar?” He says, a lot of humor in his words.

“Shut up, Munson,” you stare at your friends, “don’t go anywhere without me, or I’m making your lives miserable.”

“Why should we leave?,” Steve makes himself more comfortable, and you know he can’t wait to watch you from the other side of the bar.

“Good luck finding another roommate, Steven.”

“I have two right here,” he points to Nancy and Robin.

You leave the table and Eddie follows you to the exterior area of the bar. He lights a cigarette and leans on the wall. 

“I was there,” you admit.

“I know, my manager saw you walk in,” Eddie spills like it’s no big deal. So he knew you were there even before your friends said it. “You should’ve accepted my gift, you know, it would’ve been a better experience.”

“I thought we were walking away from each other's lives.”

“Well, I guess I can’t do it. Because I wanted you there,” his eyes avoid yours like the plague. “But you still went there, on your own terms.”

“Guess I can’t do it as well,” you hug your body and walk until you are face to face with him, “and now we are here.”

“How do you wanna spend your time, darling? Answer truly.”

“You’re not using our song to start this conversation,” you laugh.

“Yes, I am. Because I know that I wanna spend my time with you.”

His words hit you right in the face, and you take a step back. You convinced yourself that the kiss didn’t mean anything to him, because he hadn’t tried to reach you. You were trying to keep your promise, but it was hard not to ignore it when the old flames reignited after the kiss.

“Eddie…”

“No, Y/N, no what ifs this time around. We are older, we have the means to make this work, we are not just two teenagers trying to hurt each other. I just need to know if you feel the same way.” He tosses the cigarette and takes one step closer.

“That’s unfair, Eddie.” The tears roll down your face and Eddie reaches to hold you closer. “The moment I walked into the studio I knew I never had gotten over you. Besides, it was never easy to understand you.” 

You expect him to say something. The game you’ve been playing for so long must end. And if it isn’t now, then it’s never. After all, maybe you don’t understand how he makes you feel this way. Faster heart, lighter thoughts, honesty all over your veins.

“You do understand me, darling. You made it very clear with your letters, your poems, your songs, your actions,” Eddie steps into your personal space, hands reaching for your face. “You were the only one that could do it.”

“Yet I still said those terrible things to you.”

“Who cares? I’ve said things I regret as well. But I don’t regret calling you, with my heart in my hands,” your foreheads touch and he lowers his voice. “I wasn't gonna let you slip through my fingers again.”

“Eddie…”

“That promise was stupid. Please.”

His eyes are dark and focused on you. You move your hands to his face, cupping his cheeks and finding out that all the things you love are still there. Eddie is here.

He closes his eyes and sighs, a breathy “I love you” escaping his lips.

“I love you, Eddie,” you confess. “And I will love you until my heart stops beating.”

“Hope this day never comes,” he opens his eyes. “Because I've been stupidly in love with you since the day we met.”

The confession is raw. You expect him to kiss you like that day in the studio, but when his lips press your cheeks, you get it. The whole world is watching the both of you: he’s on the stage, you’re in the studios. And he wants to take things slow. And you’re fine with that, as long as he never leaves you again.

“Let’s go back inside and annoy the shit out of those idiots,” you suggest, and he laughs.

“Just like old times?”

“Better than them.”

taglist: @lokiofasgard616 @munsonology @sidthedollface2

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #rockstar!eddie munson #eddie munson #rockstar!eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x f!reader #rockstar!eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x you #songwriter!reader x eddie munson #songwriter!reader x rockstar!eddie munson

[thefutureduchessmarie]

My thoughts on Buck Begins (and why it was such a letdown to me)

There was a lot to love about this episode (particularly the background it provided on Buck and Maddie), but ultimately it failed to live up to the expectation for me. Here’s why: FOCUSING ON BUCK/MADDIE INSTEAD OF BUCK/CHOSEN FAMILY

So far the season did a great job in showing exactly how and why Buck grew up with so many abandonment issues and feeling like he wasn’t enough. But the issues didn’t come from Maddie. Sure, he was hurt when she moved away, but that had already been mostly dealt with. And of course discovering she lied to him his whole life was hard, but I feel like given their current relationship Buck would always forgive her for that, he just needed time to process it. What I really needed from this episode was for Buck to realize/accept that he’d already found the family he’s been looking for his whole life. 

The idea that he 118 are each other’s chosen family is one of the central themes of the show, and I needed that energy now, more than ever. All I wanted was to see them doing everything they could to save Buck, not because it’s their job, but because they love him. And they did - each one of them walked into that building, knowing they could very well die. We just didn’t get to see that because the show failed to realize that should have been the climax all along. 

Was there seriously no one who could tell him that he doesn’t have to save every single person on the planet in order to be worthy? That he’s enough on his own? Because that’s the reason why he keeps putting himself in life-threatening situations to begin with. And instead of helping him realize that, they praised him for it and told him that’s why they love him so much, reinforcing his belief that he needs to be out there saving people in order to earn the right to be loved.

BOBBY 

The father/son relationship between him and Buck has been an important part of the show since season 1. So when it was revealed that Buck Begins would address Buck’s complicated relationship with his parents and culminate with him being stuck in a fire - a situation that mimics the way Bobby’s children died, it felt like everything was lining up for this dynamic to be the heart of the episode. It seemed to offer the perfect opportunity for both of them to make peace with their past (Bobby couldn’t save his children, but he could save Buck; and Buck could get closure from his parents and fully accept Bobby as the only parents figure he needs in his life). The crossover only seemed to confirm that. 

By ignoring that, and not showing any special focus on Bobby, they didn’t just waste the opportunity to tell a beautiful and meaningful story. They completely disrespected Bobby as a character. Because you look me in the eye, and tell me that seeing someone he recognizes as a his kid, someone he loves and feels responsible for stuck in a building on fire wouldn’t be triggering as fuck to Captain Nash! The show can’t just ignore the single most traumatizing event of his life simply because they don’t know how to address more than one relationship (Buck/Maddie) in one episode.   

EDDIE 

If there’s one thing I hate in television, it’s fan service. Its always painfully obvious when a show is doing something not because they believe in it,  but because the fans want it. However, right now 911 is doing a sort of anti-fan-service that is just as terrible. Basically, they created a “Buddie monster” that doesn’t seem to have been planned and now they have no idea how to handle it. It was so clear that they were going out of their way to avoid any Buddie moments in this episode, that they ended up throwing Eddie’s characterization and the beautiful friendship they wrote for him and Buck out of the window. 

The Eddie I’ve been seeing for 3 seasons now would be the first to rush into that building after Buck, even before he got any confirmation or authorization from anyone. Instead, they turned him into this ice cold person right when Buck was feeling so unloved and abandoned. They don’t want to make Buddie as a couple? Fine. I can live with that. But please don’t disrespect the amazing friendship that has been canonically written. If they don’t think they can show us Eddie caring and worrying about his best friend without making it romantic, then it means they’re not doing they’re job well.

They also inadvertently created a power imbalance between those two that literally no one asked for. Because now, if you compare how each of them reacted to the other being stuck in a life risking situation, it comes across as Buck caring way more than Eddie. Which I don’t think it’s true, but alas…. Its there now, and it reinforces Buck’s feelings of never being enough. 

(And yes, I’m already taking into account their different personalities. I never expected Eddie to panic in the way Buck did in Eddie Begins. But I was expecting him to freak out in his own Eddie way, which he didnt. At all. Despite the show repeatedly showing us how important Buck is in his life and how much he unravels without him)

The cheap queer baiting (“I feel like he’s working his way through the village people”? They were purposely showing past-Buck in queer stereotypes and they know it. And Im really getting tired of them not putting their money where their mouth is) v them going out of their way to make sure there were no meaningful interactions between Buck and the man people ship him with 

PLAIN-ASS INCONSISTENCIES OR WEAK TV :/

First thing Bobby told them when they got to the scene was that they couldn’t separate from the team. They’re all trained professionals, fully aware of how risky the situation was. They’re also aware that Buck is the most reckless member of the team on a normal day, and that day he was dealing with some particularly difficult shit. So why the hell did no one stop him when he tried to separate from the team? If you wanna convince yourself the 118 suck and don’t love Buck, fine, but I know its not true. So Hen and Chim letting Buck go just feels out of character to me. Something the writers did, not because it made sense, but because they needed to have him alone and couldn’t come up with a better plan.

Now compare that to Eddie Begins, for example, a Begin episode that followed a very similar structure. Eddie being stuck didn’t feel forced, because the situation was properly explained and contextualized.  Everything made perfect sense given their line of work, the team dynamics and protocol. It felt like the natural consequences of a very risky job. It also made sense that Eddie Begins focused so much on Eddie/Christopher and climaxed with him fighting like hell to return to his son, because that’s Eddie’s struggle - feeling like he failed as a parent.

Buck’s struggle is feeling like he was always the one left behind. The one people didn’t love enough, because he it made it hard to. So by not focusing on his relationship with his chosen family, all we’re left with is “Buck and Maddie against the world”. Which is not where any of those characters deserve to be and ignores all the progress that has been made for 4 seasons. 

By focusing so much on this one relationship, they also turned this into “Buck and Maddie Begins”, instead of Buck Begins. THEY COULDN’T EVEN FOCUS ON BUCK IN HIS OWN EPISODE. Tell me how is this supposed to help resolve his insecurities?  

I did love all the flashbacks and the moments between the siblings tho. And I cried reals tears when Maddie pulled out her own version of Buck’s box. I guess I’ll just have to rely on fanfiction and headcanons to fill all the voids mentioned above 

#911 fox #evan 'buck' buckley #maddie buckley #bobby nash #eddie diaz #buck begins #Sorry if this is such a downer - I just needed to get it all out of my chest

[whumpywhumper]

TW: Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt

Summary: Buck wasn't immediately re-instated following Rage. The impact is life threatening.

Whumptober 2020: Day 12--I Think I've Broken Something Broken Down | Broken Bones | Broken Trust

@whumptober2020

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

V***V

Buck took another swig from the rum bottle before answering Eddie’s call on the fourth ring. If he’d been thinking clearly, he wouldn’t have answered it, but, at this point, denying himself any contact with his best friend was just something he couldn’t make himself do. 

“‘Lo?” he answered, voice low enough that he hoped the slur was imperceptible. 

It’s been a week since he last heard Eddie’s voice in the grocery store, the echo of you’re exhausting running through his head again and again. Bobby had called him that evening, let him know that the Chief was in negotiations to get him reinstated, that they hadn’t wanted the headache of a lawsuit. 

Because that’s all he was: a headache. 

“Buck? Do you have a minute?” 

“Sure, Eds,” he answered, working to enunciate past the numbness in his lips, “you ‘kay?” 

“Look, um, I’ve been thinking about what you said the other day about. . . about Chris, and Abuela told me he’s been asking to talk to you all night before bed,” Eddie blew out an exasperated breath, and Buck could imagine the way the older man rubbed the back of his neck, thick eyebrows drawn together. “I know it would mean a lot for him to talk to you. . .” 

Buck’s lips wobbled as he thought of Chris, that precious little ball of sunshine that he’d lost in the water. His breath hitched, and he took another slug of rum, trying to dull the pain in his chest. He grabbed another tiny, yellow tablet from the coffee table, sticking it under his tongue as he looked out the dark loft windows. 

“—Buck? Buck?!” 

“Hmm?” Buck returned his attention to Eddie. He didn’t even know he’d stopped paying attention. “Sorry, ‘m s’ry, Ed’s, what?” 

“I just asked if you wanted to talk to Christopher,” his tone was incredulous, “hell man, I’m taking a huge step here trusting you to talk to my son. Do you really not care?” 

Buck’s face screwed up at the anger in Eddie’s voice, trying to keep the hurt from entering his own. “Ah-course I care, Eds. S’just. . . It’s not r’lly a good t’me. . .” he couldn’t disguise his increasing slur, but he hoped he held back the sound of the thick sob growing in his throat, “Chris shoul’n’t talk t’me like this.” He tucked his free arm around his torso and pressed his face into his jean clad knees, trying to muffle his wet sniffle. I’m sorry, Superman, he thought, heartbroken. 

“Buck, are you drunk?!” Eddie hissed, voice lowering as it became even more disbelieving. “You’re on blood thinners, Evan, are you crazy? What happened to taking care of yourself so you could get back to the station?” 

He laughed, the sound wavering and wrong. “Dunn’t matter, Eds,” he answered, leaning back against the bottom of the couch, head tipping back for another swallow of liquor. He grabbed at the table clumsily, hearing a couple of skitters across the floor. The chalky texture of the pills was unpleasant, and his tongue worked against the inside of his mouth, washing it down with more rum. 

“What? What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Wasn’t that the whole point of the lawsuit? Wasn’t that the whole point of you not being around?” Eddie’s voice was angry, his tone taking the same razor edge it had in the grocery store when he’d had his finger in Buck’s face. 

Buck shook his head, rubbing clumsily at his eyes as they started to water, forgetting that Eddie couldn’t see him. “Nah... not really,” he mumbled, honesty forced to the surface through alcohol and drugs, “I jus’ wanted to c’me home, but ev’n Bobby d’n wan’ me back. Nobody wants me, Eds,”  he whimpered, “‘M alone.” 

Parents didn’t want him. Maddie abandoned him twice, Abby left, Ali couldn’t handle him. . .Bobby didn’t want him. 

The crew of the 118 didn’t understand why the job meant so much to him. They had families, kids, lives outside of the station. What did Buck have really? A group of people who didn’t want him, didn’t understand him. At least as a firefighter he made a difference, saved lives. Who was Evan Buckley without that? What did he have without that?

An empty apartment, and a sister who didn’t need him. He didn’t have Eddie and Chris, they weren’t his, not really. He’d ruined whatever they could have been with the lawsuit, with abandoning them, however unintentionally. Eddie would never forgive him, not after Shannon did the same thing 

All the while, playing on repeat: You’re exhausting. Suck it up. You’re exhausting. Suck it up. You’re exhausting. 

“What are you talking about, Buck? We’re pissed, but we’re a family, okay? You had a place in the 118 until the damn lawsuit, hell, from what I hear you’re getting that spot back. All you had to do was talk to us, Buck, and none of this would’ve happened.” 

That was Buck. The impulsive fuck up. Didn’t think about the consequences. 

“Would you—“ he hiccuped, rubbing a few more tears away with his damp sleeve, “—w’ld you tell Chris m’sorry? I jus’ couldn’t keep swimmin’, ‘kay? He’s such an awesome kid, s’not his fault I’m fucked up.” 

“What? Buck, you’re not making any sense.”

“Might be the pills,” he mumbled, “makin’ errything fuzzy.” 

“Pills?!” Eddie gasped liked he’d been sucker punched, “Buck, what?”  

“Jusss dinn’t wanna hurt anymore, Eds,” he tried to explain, “feels like my chest’s always ‘bout to implode. M’heart’s bein’ crushed,” he snorted indelicately, “s’worse than my leg. Hurts. M’so tired a’hurtin’, Eds.” 

“Oh, Buck, cariño mio,” it sounded like Eddie was about to cry, “do you know how many you took?” He thought he heard a feminine voice in the background, thick with concern. “Me tengo que ir, Abuela, te lo explicare mas tarde. Call 9-1-1 to Buck’s. Now.” There was the sound of a door slamming, and Eddie breathing hard into the phone. 

“Don’ call 9-1-1, Eds,” he slurred, “m’fine, don’ wanna bother Maddie.” 

“You’re not fine,” Eddie snapped, “do you know how many you took? What did you take?”

“Don’ be mad,” he started crying softly, “can’t stand when you’re mad a’me. M’sorry I lost Chris, m’so sorry.” 

“Buck,” Eddie took a deep breath, his tone softening, ”Chris is home safe, I told you I don’t blame you for that. Cariño, I need to know what you took, how much did you take?” 

“I dunno,” he mumbled, “had ‘lot from my sug’ry dinn’t use. Tried t’get better faster. Dinn’t work,” he sniffled, swallowing thickly, voice shaking, “cause m’not good enough.” 

“Buck, Evan,” there was a car door slamming in the background, an engine revving, “you’re good, so good, nothing’s been the same without you, cariño, please.”

“You don’ want me, Eds,” Buck slurred, biting his lip as his heart gave a viscous squeeze. It didn’t matter than Buck had wanted Eddie since he’d seen him in that locker room for the first time, had fallen in love with him and his son after seeing them after that earthquake. Eddie didn’t, could never, want Buck back. Couldn’t love Buck the same way he loved him, with everything, every ounce of himself. He hiccuped back a sob as he took another slug of rum, another pill to chase away the pain, head lolling on the couch cushions, “Bosko already replaced me anyway. . .s’better.” 

Bosko would take care of Eddie. It’s not like Buck had done a very good job of having Eddie’s back. 

“Bosko?! What—How?!” Eddie couldn’t seem to settle on a question, an inarticulate noise of bewilderment trailing his quick breaths. “Talk to me, cariño, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

“The truck, the embolism, the tsu—tsunami. . .“ he blinked slowly, taking a shallow breath and sighing it out over the phone, lips wobbling as he sniffled back a whine, “M’be the w’rld’s tryin’ t’tell me somethin’, ya know?”

“Buck, Evan, what are you saying?” The other man’s voice was shattered, and it broke Buck’s heart, destroying the last dam holding back his tears. 

“‘M jus’ so tired, Eds,” he sobbed, letting the tears stream down his cheeks. “I know ‘m exhausting,” he said, quoting Eddie’s words that had burned their way into his brain, “but ‘m jus’ so tired. M’sorry, I can’t. . .can’t do it anymore.” The lump in his throat became too thick to force words past, and he sobbed harder, head swimming. 

Everything was becoming heavier, breaths shallower as his eyelids slid closed. The rum bottle tipped to the side, clinking against the floor as a dribble of liquid splashed out onto his limp hand. He didn’t remember the last time he’d slept without nightmares, without being crushed by a ladder truck, being swept away by the water, without losing Chris. Seeing the blame in Eddie’s eyes for losing his son. 

Couldn’t he just sleep?

“—uck! Evan?! Don’t you dare go to sleep! I’m almost there, please, cariño mio, por favor.”

Had he said that stuff out loud? He hadn’t meant to, but he couldn’t find the energy to apologize as the phone slipped from his hand. Eddie’s voice became even more muffled until even that went away. 

#Suicidal Thoughts TW #Suicide Attempt TW #Hurt/Comfort #Hurt Evan Buck Buckley #Angst #9-1-1 #9-1-1 fanfiction #9-1-1 fic #Whumptober2020 #No.12 #Broken Down #Broken Trust #Fic

[cupidmarwani-archive]

CISHETS DNI //

Just because Eddie can’t enjoy the day doesn’t mean he’s going to take it away from his son. He’d do anything for Christopher, that’s no secret or surprise, and if that means spending the evening dealing with his flashbacks alone, he’s more than okay with that. Christopher deserves to have fun like everyone else- he deserves good food and a bottle of soda and a blanket spread out on his school’s football field while he watches their firework show. Buck agreed to take him before Eddie could even ask because he always knows. At some point, he’s going to have to do something about how much his heart aches every time Buck does something that makes their lives better without a second thought.

“It’s not a party without s’mores,” Buck says seriously, throwing a bag of jumbo marshmallows into the cart. They’re going to be eating at the school when they go, not long into the evening, but the s’mores are a treat for when they come home after the fireworks are over. Buck said this morning that it was important that Eddie get to be a part of something today, and hip-checked him as he flipped a pancake. “I promise I’ll teach you how to make the best ones, Chris.”

All the supplies, including skewers, are together, which makes the grocery trip a little easier. Unfortunately, however, that’s the seasonal section, which Eddie would do anything to get out of. It’s too much. The flag is printed on everything, from paper plates and napkins to apparel with a silhouetted solider on it, alongside a cursive “God Bless the Troops.” Eddie kind of wants to buy it just to light it on fire, but that’s a waste of money and time. Burning things isn’t going to erase his trauma or his anger. He glares at a hat emblazoned with “USA.” It reminds him of the recruiters at his school who promised that college would be so much easier after he served. 

Buck glances at him as he considers a bag of candy. There’s worry written all over his face, but it’s gone almost as soon as it appears, and Buck says they need to go to the snack aisle right away. Christopher nods seriously and walks alongside his cart, fast enough to get them away, but slow enough that Chris has no trouble keeping up. At the very end of the aisle, however, something catches Eddie’s eyes. Ear plugs. They’re probably not that great, since they’re $5 on an impulse buy rack, but they’re better than nothing, so Eddie throws them into the cart as well. It’s not a big deal. Buck doesn’t make it one.

Most of the people in the store are dressed patriotically, wearing red white and blue if not outright flags. Shiny head pieces sway with the motion of their walking, flag patterned shorts stand out bright against the mostly beige color scheme of the floor and walls. It’s a little too much. Eddie pointedly doesn’t look at any of them, instead watching Christopher debate the merits of getting pringles instead of ruffles.

He flinches when something touches him, only to realize a moment later that it’s just Buck. His hand is light on Eddie’s hip, just touching as a way to bring him back to the moment. He’s safe here. These people don’t understand, but it’s not up to Eddie to make them, and he’ll be back home in twenty minutes, anyways. He’ll spend a few hours with his boys and it’ll be fine.

For the rest of the shopping trip, and probably the day, he’s quiet. It’s hard to put his feelings into words. Everyone is celebrating the country, regardless of the flaws inherent to its system, and using the military to do it. With them, Eddie is still the pawn he was overseas. Participating in a game he didn’t want to play, hurting people and watching his friends die for a cause he doesn’t know anything about, and left with bullet wounds in his skin, PTSD, and the faces of soldiers who will never open their eyes again. There’s nothing he could say that would feel enough to express all that in a succinct, non-confrontational way, so he processes it to the best of his ability internally. Frank would be proud. He doesn’t engage with those who give him and his clear stormy disposition a look, nor does he look at the red, white and blue mass-produced cupcakes that Chris begs him for. He says no, but mollifies Christopher with the promise of licorice.

The checkstand line is long, so Eddie picks Christopher up and holds him on his hip. He’s getting a little big for it, doesn’t usually give in to being carried anymore, but walking around the store can take a lot of energy and he’s clearly getting tired now. It makes Eddie feel a little better, too. He’s at home, he has his son, and he has Buck, who insisted on footing the bill for the snacks since “I promised Chris we’d get them, and you paid for the tickets to the school show, Eddie.” It’s almost alright.

But then they’re paying, the checker bagging up their snacks and making polite conversation. She doesn’t work late nights, which is when Eddie usually has a chance to do his shopping, so he doesn’t recognize her off the bat. She’s friendly enough though, laughing at a joke Buck makes until she picks up the ear plugs from the belt. With one look at Christopher’s child-size crutches in the cart, then at him in Eddie’s arms, she smiles in that patronizing “oh a special kid” way. 

“The fireworks too loud for you, sweetie?”

“They’re for Daddy,” Christopher corrects cheerfully,

She gives Eddie a weird look, but doesn’t comment on it. instead, she finishes up scanning their items and returns her attention to Buck. “Your total is $34.67, would you like to round up to $35 to support our troops overseas? Every five dollars sends a home cooked meal to a soldier in Iraq.”

Buck looks at Eddie, the way he always does when it comes to these things. They talked about it, once. How most active-duty military funds are a scam. Eddie shakes his head. 

“They don’t allow non-rations. Don’t.”

The checker seems irritated now.

“What’s your problem, man? Do you like, hate America?”

Buck jams his card into the reader to finish this interaction quickly. 

“I hate people profiting off the images of soldiers, who are usually just cogs in a machine that serves to hurt innocent people because the government said so.”

Now the person in line behind them decides to join in, and Eddie wishes he could have just kept his mouth shut for once in his life. But that’s not the way he was raised, and this is a touchy enough subject to send his self control out the window. 

“The troops fight for your freedom, son. Show some respect.”

Eddie turns around and narrows his eyes at the old man, wearing a tacky flag shirt. He feels a little cornered, can’t wait to get out of here, but he also knows exactly how satisfying it’ll be to open his mouth, 

“I’m a fucking vet, man. I know what I’m talking about. You wanna talk about respect, I served overseas and nearly died getting my friends to safety more than once. Shut your fucking mouth.”

Chris cheerfully pulls dog tags out of his own little striped tee shirt. Eddie gave them to him shortly after they moved here, as though it’ll erase their painful connotations. Christopher has always thought they’re cool, and shows them off gleefully without really getting how tense things are at the moment, 

“He has a silver star,” Chris adds smugly. 

At that, Eddie leaves before things can escalate more. He needs air. His chest is hurting and this is exactly why he hates going out today, of all days. None of these people ever know what they’re talking about, what they’re really glorifying. What their fucking fireworks are doing to everyone they allegedly care so much about. 

A few minutes later, Buck joins them. They sit there quietly on the bench for a while before Eddie decides to get up and go to the truck. He doesn’t need to defend himself, he thinks bitterly. Buck isn’t mad, Christopher isn’t mad. But it still sucks that this always happens when he says no to donating to those bullshit projects. 

In the truck however, Buck holds his hand over the center console, and gives him a reassuring smile that helps his shoulders feel a little less tense.

#buddie #eddie diaz #mine #this is kinda rushed bc my mom says I gotta leave but here we go

[reckoningss]

Sickday ❤️

Summary: Staying home sick wasn’t a part of your Valentine’s Day. Lucky for you, Eddie & Co. come around to look after you.

Pairing: Eddie Brock x Reader

Warnings: Fluff. Killing Eve Spoilers? (Not really)

Wordcount: 1.5k

A/N: I’m feeling all lovey-dovey and shit so I’m gonna try to put out a few Valentine-themed fics before the big day, starting with this one. Feedback is always welcome.

It takes about a minute for your brain to spur your aching joints and muscles into action after the first knock. Finally managing to pry yourself off of the couch, you hobble to the door - the hem of your comforter dragging the floor behind you like a train. Both deadbolts slide free with a heavy thock and then the gentle click of the mortice lock and you open the door to reveal a sight for sore eyes. 

Eddie stands in your doorway sporting sweatpants slung low around his hips and that familiar beige hoodie beneath a leather jacket. Two plastic bags dangle from one hooked index finger while a backpack swings from the other and a sheepish smile ties the whole display together, complete with sleepy eyes and damp black hair. 

You have to admit, your heart melts a bit.

“Hey.” 

You sniffle, trying for a smile. “Hey.” 

Eddie looks you over and, if you had the energy for shame, you’d probably be burning up with it. Beneath the king-sized comforter you are currently wearing like a cape, you’re in a stained, oversized Morehouse tee - three days old - and scandalously short pajama bottoms. Holed fuzzy socks adorn your feet, a three-day-old twistout adorns your head and a rolled up scrap of tissue hangs from one runny nostril. Fortunately (unfortunately?) you feel too terrible to care much about your appearance. 

Eddie finishes his silent assessment of you. shoulders his backpack and sucks his teeth sympathetically. “Oi.”

You laugh pitifully, pulling him into the apartment by the drawstrings of his hoodie. “Just know that however bad I look right now, I feel ten times worse.”

Eddie kicks the door shut and pulls you in for a hug. “Ohhhhh.” You nestle your forehead into the curve of his neck and let him walk you back through the entrance hallway and into the living room - half carrying you. He sits you on the couch. “That’s why I brought some wellness essentials.”

The living room doesn’t look much better than you do. The couch is a nest of blankets beside which sits a small trashcan brimming with used tissues and microwavable soup cups. The ottoman is scattered with prescription bottles and the empty husks of over the counter medicine capsules. Other household detritus litters the hardwood floor. You remove the tissue from your nose and deposit it into the trashcan, sniffing loudly. “Show me what you’ve got.” 

Eddie exaggerates a look of revulsion before continuing. He digs into the first bag and pulls out a small box. “Mentholatum from that bodega across the street from my apartment.” He returns back to the bag and produces a tall styrofoam takeout bowl. condensation gathering on the plastic lid. “Chicken ramen from that place on Fillmore. Cough drops, more tissue, spa socks and ....” 

He digs into the backpack now with an air of importance. “Last but not least, Killing Eve.” 

The cellophane wrapping still glints on the DVD case - brand new. You gesture to the TV where SportsCenter is muted. “You know we could just watch that on Hulu, right?” 

Eddie shakes his head, holding the Season one set like a holy artifact. “Some things are worth owning. Tangibly.”

You nod in agreement. “Thank you.” 

“No problem.” Eddie stands from the couch and leans over to kiss your forehead. “I’m going to throw this ramen in a pot to heat up. Wanna queue that up?” 

You nod as Eddie leaves the room, taking the trashcan with him. 

You hum contentedly while Eddie gently rubs menthol into your back. His hands are warm. You’re desperately fighting the desire to fall asleep. Eddie presses a thumb into a tense knot near your spine and you nearly groan from the relief.  On the screen, Eve Polastri interrogates a hysteric woman.

“Thanks for coming over.” Your voice is simultaneously nasal and sleepy. “I know you wanted to go do stuff today.” 

Eddie leans forward and kisses your cotton-covered shoulder murmuring something incomprehensible and then, quietly, “just wanna do you.” 

“Oh?” You crane your neck to look back at him, eyebrows raised. 

Eddie blushes - wide-eyed - and stumbles over his words. “This. I just wanted to do this - spend time with you.” 

You laugh but quickly dissolve into a coughing fit that doubles you over. 

Eddie withdraws his hand from beneath your shirt and grabs your shoulders. “You alright?” 

You nod - coughs already beginning to dwindle - and take a few deep breaths. Through the open mouth of Eddie’s backpack, you see something red glimmer.

“What’s that?” You’re already hauling the thing out into the low light. A red, heart-shaped box rests in your hands. ‘Be Mine’ is scrawled on the lid in golden, printed calligraphy. You hug the box to your chest and grin back at Eddie. “Is this for me?” 

Eddie nods and leans back to sling his arm over the back of the couch, looking very pleased with himself. A hand goes over his stubbled chin. “Yeah. Happy Valentine’s day.”

“You open the lid to reveal two dozen artisanal chocolates smiling up at you from between crepe paper sleeves. “Thank you. It’s really sweet.” 

You think about sampling one but your stomach roils a bit at the thought of eating something so sweet. You hold the box out toward Eddie. “Happy Valentine’s day, Venom, from the bottom of my heart.” 

Eddie chuckles and Venom finally makes an appearance. Strings of globulous black matter bubble up between the stitches of Eddie’s hoodie and grow into a distinctly inhuman head over Eddie’s left shoulder - long and cylindrical, oblong eyes completely white, wide grinning mouth replete with rows of yellow teeth. You stifle a shudder and smile instead, you still haven’t gotten completely used to this part. 

“Hi.”

Venom observes you, twisting his snake-like head and stretching closer. “Hello.” 

You hold up the box of chocolates. “I got you something.” 

Behind Venom, Eddie rolls his eyes dramatically. You just shoot him a shit-eating grin. Venom’s tongue slithers out of his mouth - the length of your forearm and dripping - and you very nearly drop the box. You’ve been making an effort to befriend the otherworldly being your boyfriend shares a body with - you really have - and you’ve made some progress too, but that doesn’t make it any less weird or unnerving. Venom selects a piece of chocolate with his tongue and flicks it into his cavernous mouth. 

“Good?” 

“MMMM” Venom’s voice is like gravel in a washing machine. You set the chocolates down on the ottoman and let him have at it. 

Four episodes later, you’re spooning broth out of your bowl of ramen while Eddie picks out chicken and clumps of noodles with lightsaber chopsticks. Venom, having finished the chocolates three episodes back, is now content to look around your apartment and float silently over Eddie’s shoulder. 

You yawn. “Thanks for taking care of me today.”

Eddie shrugs. “That’s what I’m built for.” He holds up his hand and clicks the tips of the chopsticks together - Obi-Wan And Darth Vader clashing weapons. “These hands? Made to take care of you.” 

You snort. “Oh yeah?” 

Eddie places the bowl of ramen on the side-table at the end of your couch. “Hell yeah.” He scoops you up and drags you into his lap, burying his face in your neck as he tickles you. 

You squeal and push him away. “Stop! I’m sick and gross.” 

Eddie cradles the back of your head and looks down at you. “You know what?” His voice takes on a whispered, conspiratorial tone. “That’s why I have this thing that keeps me from getting sick and makes me, like, super fast and strong an-”

You whisper too. “Sounds rad. Can I get some of that?”

Eddie’s leaning in again, eyes on your lips. “I’ll have to talk to my guy.”

“Ohhhh, your guy.”

“Yeah.”

Eddie moves to close the gap but you flinch back, cringing.

“Sorry, I just can’t with him watching.” You incline your head to the right in response to Eddie’s quizzical look. Venom hovers off to the side, staring impassively, expression unreadable.

Eddie blinks at the alien, unimpressed. “Bye Venom.”

Venom narrows his eyes - first at Eddie, then at you. Your hands fist possessively in the front of Eddie’s hoodie.

“I gave you chocolate, now give me my boyfriend.”

Venom’s tongue flicks one more time - for your benefit, you think - before he disappears back into Eddie’s shoulder.

Eddie chuckles at something you can’t hear and tisks at you. “You’re making him rethink liking you.”

A playful grin and an “I’ll make it up to him,” are your only response.

Eddie’s eyes are on your lips again and he presses in to brush his nose against yours. “Now where were we...”

It’s starting to drizzle outside. Eddie strokes your cheek as you lie with your head in his lap. You yawn and snuggle closer. Pausing, Eddie looks down at you and tucks a curl behind your ear.

“Tired?”

You yawn again. “Mhm.”

“Gonna take a nap?”

“Most likely.”

“Ok.” Eddie reaches for the throw hanging in the back of the couch and drapes it over you. “Go to sleep. I’ll be here.”

You catch one final glimpse of Eve staring intently at a picture of the assassin as your eyes flutter closed. “Hmm... you know they’re in love.”

“Eddie resumes running his thumb carefully along your cheek. “Who, us?”

“Eve and Villanelle.” You’re drifting now. “Us too.”

Tagging: @kingniazx

#Venom #Eddie Brock #Eddie Brock x Reader #Venom x reader #Venom fic #Eddie Brock fic #Eddie Brock x Reader fluff #marvel fluff #Eddie Brock Imagine #Venom Imagine #Marvel #MCU #Symbiote #SFW #Eddie Brock x you #Venom x you #Avengers fic #My writing

[grungeandrockoneshots]

Love ur tumblr,it's awesome,congrats!!.Please,could you write an Eddie shot about I'm Eddie's girlfriend. One night I have a nightmare: he falls while he's climbing at some show and he gets hurt badly.I wake up very scared so I beg him doesn't climb that night because I have a bad feeling,but he does it. Nothing bad happens of course,but I get so angry with him.He tries to apologize in a sweet way,you know ;) Thank you!! Btw, English it's not my mothertongue so forgive my mistakes :)

The room was so fullthat no one else would fit in. Porch was just somewhere in the middle of itsusual duration, Mike was rocking his guitar in a breathtaking solo. You stoodat the side of the stage supporting your friends, but mostly your boyfriendEddie, who was just going crazy from all the energy and atmosphere. He wasjumping around and running all over the stage and he obviously wanted to geteverything out of him. You loved watching him perform, but his kind ofself-expression in moments like these often made you worry a lot. His passionfor climbing and jumping into crowds was something you didn’t share with him.Again, you had to watch him trying to get on the top of several speakers. Theroom went dark, the only cone of light was directed at Eddie. The speakers werefew meters high and he was almost there. Two or three little moves. But justwhen you were about to feel joy that he safely reached the top, his handsuddenly slipped and he fell down on his back from an enormous height. A dullhit was pretty much audible and you witnessed it all in an unexpressible shock.Eddie’s paralyzed and motionless body didn’t show any signs of life. Youimmediately started crying and wanted to run to him to help him, but a pair ofsomeone’s arms caught you and refused to let you on stage. He repeated over andover that you couldn’t go there and that there were people who’d help him. Youtotally broke down as you watched more and more people rushing to the stage,taking Eddie away from you…

„Y/N! Y/N, for God’s sake, wake up!“ you heard from adistance, feeling hands on your shoulders. You woke up to Eddie’s worried face.There’s no need to say how hard the wave of relief hit you. Your cheeks werewet and your heart was beating so fast that you thought it would explode soon.You grabbed Eddie’s tshirt and pulled him into the tightest hug you’ve evergiven him. You still couldn’t stop yourself from crying, because the damn dreamscared the shit out of you. „Love, it’s okay. It’s gone. Shhh, it’s okay,“ hecomforted you as he was stroking your back. He held you until you calmed downand then asked what happened.

„I was watching you play and you decided to climb up thehuge speakers you always have on stage and…and fell down. You just lay thereand didn’t move and I wanted to help you so bad, but someone held me didn’t letme go there…oh God, why was it so real? I thought I’d never see you again,Eddie, I seriously thought it was an end…“ salt water filled your eyes again,which made Eddie take your face in his hands and kiss you on the forehead.

„It was just a bad dream, okay? I’m here with you and I’malive. Please, stop crying, Y/N,“ he whispered and wiped the tears off yourcheeks.

„What if it was some kind of warning? I don’t want you to doit. I’m so worried about you all the time. And I don’t wanna wait untilsomething really happens to you,“ your voice was still shaking a bit.

„It’s under my control everytime, Y/N. It’s not as dangerousas it seems, trust me,“ he objected.

„Eddie, you’re the only one I have and you know that Iwouldn’t handle losing you. Promise me you’re not gonna do it at least the nextshow. Please, I don’t ask for much.“ He sighed long, but agreed: „Okay okay, Ipromise. But now you promise me that you won’t have bad dreams tonightanymore.“

„Promise,“ you smiled and cuddled up to him. His arms wereproviding you a feeling of safety and home, so you soon fell asleep withoutbigger problems.

*

It was right before the beginning of today’s show. All theguys were in a great mood and you were supposed to be, too, but somehow youcouldn’t get that dream out of your head. Eddie looked fine, nothing seemed tofrustrate him.

„You’ll be careful, won’t you?“ you were making sure beforehe went up on stage.

„Of course I will, don’t worry,“ he quickly kissed you andthen disappeared in a corridor leading to stage. You sighed and waited forStone’s and Jeff’s girlfriend to go watch your men together from the side of thestage as usual. They kicked off the show with Why Go and Deep, Jeremy and Even Flow followed. People in the crowd were great, you couldhardly see someone who wouldn’t enjoy this night as if it was their last.Usually you’d dance and sing along, however today you still couldn’t help itbut felt something bad in the air. You kept repeating in your head that nothingcan happen, you trusted Eddie and his words. Everything seemed to be fine sofar, but you turned to the girls and started talking to come to other thoughtsanyway. They were great girls and it was always fun to be around them. Finallyyou felt better.

„Hey ladies, do you see that photographer over there? Stonetold me he’s totally head over heelsfor Ed. Look at his face! Y/N, I swear even you don’t look at Ed like this!“You all laughed as you focused on that photographer.

„He looks like he’ll do everything to steal him from me,“you joked.

„Well, I think not only him,“ Jeff’s girlfriend pointed tosome girls in the crowd who were jumping there half naked. „Gosh, he’s crazy!Does he wanna jump again or what?“ You immediately turned your head in Eddie’sdirection. He was already one leg on the speaker, climbing higher and higher.Your stomach gripped tightly as an unexpected wave of fear mixed with angerflew through your body. He made a fuckingpromise.

„No. No, I’m not gonna watch this,“ you told the girls andran to backstage to Eddie’s dressing room where you took your jacket and gotout of the building. You caught a taxi and got back to the hotel room. It washard for you to believe that he really did it. Despite his own words. You tooka quick shower and when you returned to the bedroom, you found out that Eddiehad tried to call you several times, because the phone was full of left voicemessages. You deleted all of them, you already didn’t want to hear a word fromhim today. You slipped under the blanket and tried to fall asleep before hereturns, but it was useless. Your head was so full and didn‘t allow you to cutoff from the reality.

As soon as you heard the opening door, you took a deepbreath. You even wanted to fake the sleep, but before you managed to close youreyes, he already stood in the bedroom. And apparently, angry as well.

„Can you explain to me why didn’t you answer my calls? Doyou even know how worried I was about you? I wanted to cancel the rest of theshow when Mike told me you’d left without any reason!“ he said in heightenedvoice. He literally made you look at him in total disbelief.

„Excuse me, without any reason? You know the reason verywell, Eddie, so stop acting like this! You will be telling me something aboutfear? You? You never fail to amaze me, really. But you know what, I don’t wannahear anything from you, let me sleep.“

„No way, I’m not done yet. Look, Y/N, okay, I admit that youhave a full right to be mad at me, but you should have answered the calls.You know how it’s dangerous outside, people can recognize you and not all ofthem are nice and friendly. You should have waited for me,“ he wildlygesticulated. You sat up on the bed.

„Eddie, but this is not about me at all! I mean, what didyou expect? That I will happily watch you climb almost to the ceiling and jumpinto people who can easily not catch you? That I will just stand there andsupport you in this? I think I told you clearly enough yesterday how importantit is to me that you stop with it. And if I remember well, you promised me.“ Theblame was on his side, so he didn’t have any right to accuse you of anything.

„I know! But as you can see, nothing bad happened and I’mhere. It’s a part of the show! I want to give those people something they won’tever forget, do you understand?“ he continued with his silly arguments.

„Yeah, how nice of you that you care more about other peoplethan me,“ you said. Eddie probably lost his ideas how to reply, so he justuttered: „This isn’t leading to anywhere.“ And then he left the bedroom.

„Idiot,“ you said quietly to yourself as you were layingyour head back on the pillow. Soon you heard the running water form thebathroom and despite your strong wishes you couldn’t fall asleep even thistime. You tensely laid with closed eyes as he returned to the room.Surprisingly, he obviously thought that you were really sleeping, because hissteps and moves were very quiet. He slowly laid next to you under one blanket.First few minutes he kept silent, but you could feel his open eyes.

„Y/N? Are you sleeping?“ he whispered.

„How could I?“ you responded. Then he carefully threw hisarm over you, taking your hand in his. He sticked to your body from behind andkissed your shoulder.

„I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done any of it, I’m such anasshole. You’re the most important person to me in this world, so if you reallywant me to stop with it, I will. I’d rather see disappointment in thousands othereyes than in yours. I love you so much, Y/N,“ he said quietly, causing yourheart melting.

„Why do you always get me so easily, Vedder? I hate you,“you smiled and pulled his hand up to your lips, where you kissed it.

„This doesn’t look like hate,“ he laughed slightly, leaningin for a kiss. You let him play with your lips for a while. „Mmm, and thisdoesn’t look like hate at all,“ he continued kissing you, slowly getting on thetop of you. Your hands disappeared under his tshirt, exploring his muscularbody. His lips landed on your neck and softly sucked the skin. As his handsstrayed under your tshirt as well, you couldn’t stop yourself from breathingloudly. All of this was great for his ears, because he knew he was doing a goodjob on you. Once he rolled your tshirt up and caught one your nipple in hislip, you gasped and tugged his hair a bit. You could see his content face as hestarted going down little by little. And yes, his expression was enough for youto turn you on. You felt his hot breath and wet kisses everywhere on your tummyand later even on your thighs. It took him so long before he finally got whereyou wanted him the most. He skilfully removed your panties and threw them away,while you were eagerly waiting for his next action. He returned to your thighs,paid a little more attention to them and then made his way up. As soon as histongue touched your clit, your grip in his hair tightened. He started off verygently, circling his tongue around and gradually increased the intensity. Hewas tasting you with the tip of his tongue by tesing you in the area of your entranceevery now and then. You were writhing under his touches and because of all the delight.When he’d decided to use a finger to help you come, you were high up in the skybecause of how good it felt. You even had to let go of his hair, because you weresure you’d have tugged them out.

„Fuck, Eddie,“ you moaned, crushing the sheet between your fingersright before you reached your climax. Then Eddie rolled down your tshirt again andmade you lay on his chest. He gave you little kisses in your hair while you werestill catching your breath. You ran your fingers to his long hair and played withthem, because it always calmed you down. „I love you,“ you murmured to his chest.

„I hoped to hear this,“ he smiled, „good night, Y/N.“

-

Hello, firstly, thank you♥ secondly, I really hope that by your “sweet way of apologizing” you meant something smutty and if not, I’m very sorry! And thirdly, this oneshot is the longest I’ve written so far, so I hope you enjoyed it♥

#pearl jam #pj #eddie vedder #one shot #fanfiction #jeff ament #mike mccready #stone gossard #dave abbruzzese #matt cameron #pearl jam one shot #pearl jam fanfiction #eddie vedder one shot #eddie vedder fanfiction #smut #writing #grunge #90s #music

[pastel-kinana]

heart out || barry allen [vii]

// chapter vii: so much drama in one day //

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER  ||  MASTERLIST

“It’s hard to believe I’m here. I’ve always wanted to meet you face to face,” said Barry as he and Wells took a stroll in S.T.A.R Labs.

Wells smiled and said, “Well, you certainly went to great lengths to do it.”

He then continued, “S.T.A.R. Labs has not been operational since FEMA categorized us as a Class Four hazardous location. Seventeen people died that night. Many more were injured...” 

Wells then said when they reached the remains of the destroyed particle accelerator, “Myself amongst them.”

“Jeez,” Barry said quietly. “What happened?”

“ Nine months ago, the particle accelerator went online exactly as planned. For 45 minutes, I had achieved my life's dream. And then... there was an anomaly,” answered Wells.

Barry looked at Wells as the latter continued, “ The electron volts became unmeasurable, the ring under us popped. Energy from that detonation was thrown into the sky and that, in turn, seeded a storm cloud--”

“That created a lightning bolt that struck me,” Barry said for Wells.

“That's right,” said Wells, who then gestured to his disabled legs. “I was recovering myself... when I heard about you.”

Wells continued, “The hospital was undergoing unexplainable power outages. Every time you were going into cardiac arrest, which was actually a misdiagnosis. Because, you see, you weren't flatlining, Barry. Your heartbeat was moving too fast for the EKG to register it.”

The two men ended their stroll back to the Cortex. “Now, I'm not the most popular person in town these days but Detective West and his daughter gave me permission to bring you here, where we were able to stabilize you,” said Wells.

The mention of Joe and Iris caught Barry’s attention. “Iris?” Barry asked.

“Iris, yes,” answered Wells. “She came to see you quite often.”

“She talks a lot,” Caitlin commented.

“Also, she’s hot,” Cisco said afterwards.

“Cisco, you call everyone hot,” Alex said in a snarky tone, earning a glare from Cisco and a slight smirk from Caitlin.

“I need to go,” Barry suddenly said.

“No, you can’t,” said Caitlin.

“No, no. Caitlin’s right,” said Wells. “Now that you’re awake we need to do more tests. You’re still going through changes. There’s so much we don’t know.”

“I’m fine,” Barry reassured. “Really, I feel normal. Thank you for saving my life.”

He then went out the Cortex. “Really?” Caitlin said, somewhat annoyed.

Alex just shrugged. Then, Barry went back to the entrance of the Cortex. “Can I have the sweatshirt?”

“Yeah, keep the sweatshirt,” said Wells with the same annoyed expression.

“Okay,” said Barry as he left once again.

Everyone in the Cortex was silent. “Well, that was eventful,” said Cisco.

“Guess so,” Alex agreed and then she went to grab her bag. “Anyway, I’m going to work.”

“Alright,” said Wells. “Keep safe.”

“Bye,” said Alex with a wave as she went out the Cortex and headed to Central City Hospital.

After dressing into her scrubs, Alex was back to her day job as a nurse. Affairs at the hospital were mundane and smooth-sailing as always. At lunch, Alex and Rosie were talking just at their own little corner at the cafeteria.

“He’s awake?” asked Rosie.

“Yeah, he is,” said Alex with a slight smile. “It was like a miracle.”

“Definitely,” Rosie commented. “I see it in your smile.”

“I’m not smiling,” Alex retorted.

“Sure you’re not,” said Rosie, rolling her eyes.

Alex just chuckled and continued eating her lunch. After lunch, Alex made her rounds, checking on the patients’ vitals and also treating minor injuries. Afterwards, she then met up with Rosie, who was watching the news on TV at the nurse’s desk.

“Storm at Gold City Bank...” Rosie commented. “It’s another storm for the third time in a row.”

Alex just watched the news in curiosity. Rosie was right. There had been many storms at the south of Central City and it gave Alex a weird feeling in her gut. It was as if something was about to happen. Alex tried to ignore it by doing more rounds until she had another break time. She wanted to have chamomile tea from Jitters to calm her nerves. She grabbed her coat and purse and headed out to Jitters.

While on the way, she saw someone familiar. “Barry?” she asked.

Barry, who was sitting on a bench, looked up and smiled. “Alex!” he greeted. “What are you doing here?”

“On my way to Jitters,” Alex answered. “What about you?”

“Not really doing anything at the moment,” answered Barry.

“Well...” Alex pondered. “Wanna join me? Might need some company.”

“Okay,” said Barry and he smiled, making Alex smile in return.

The pair walked together to Jitters. Alex felt little butterflies in her stomach just by being with him. It certainly felt different when he was awake and actually interacting with her. She had always talked to his unconscious self for nine months that she almost forgot about their chance encounter at CCPD.

“So...” Barry started awkwardly.

“Yeah?” asked Alex.

“How are you?” asked Barry.

“I’m doing fine,” answered Alex.

“That’s good,” Barry commented. “I just wanna ask. Why were you at S.T.A.R Labs? I mean, you work at Central City Hospital, right? So what were you doing at S.T.A.R Labs? I’m not offending you or anything. I’m just curious.”

Barry had said that all in almost one breath and he wanted to hit himself for talking too much in front of the poor nurse. However, Alex just chuckled and patted his arm in a friendly way, making him blush slightly.

“I was hired by Dr. Wells to be your nurse,” answered Alex. “I still don’t know why he asked me to be the person for the job even if he said I was ‘more than capable.’”

“Well... knowing Dr. Wells, he probably picked you because you are,” said Barry.

Alex just shrugged and said, “As long as I was helping someone, I took it. I became a nurse for a reason. I wanted to help people. I wanted to do something for a higher cause.”

“Sounds heroic, Alex,” Barry commented with a smile.

“Kinda cheesy but that’s what I believe in,” said Alex with a smile.

Barry and Alex found themselves in a full conversation unlike last time at CCPD. It was definitely better than that time. It was the start of getting to know each other. Barry had been really curious about Alex since the first time he saw her. Maybe because of how pretty she is or the way he feels calm when she looks at him. At the same time, Barry was holding himself back because he had just known Alex. It wasn’t enough compared to what he feels for Iris.

Speaking of Iris... his world crashed when they reached Jitters.

“Barry?” Alex called to her companion, who just froze in his tracks. She then followed his line of sight and she saw Iris and Detective Eddie Thawne kissing at Jitters.

Alex frowned and looked at Barry. She had known about Iris’ and Eddie’s relationship for quite some time now and from observing Barry’s frown when he saw the scene in front of him, he definitely has feelings for Iris. Then, Iris pulled away from Eddie and she saw Barry and Alex looking at them.

Barry was about to head away from Jitters but Alex stopped him. “You okay?” she asked.

“I have to go,” said Barry. “I’m sorry, Alex. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“You don’t have to make it up to me,” said Alex.

“No, I do,” said Barry. “I gotta go. I’m sorry again.”

“It’s okay, Barry. Take your time.”

Barry just smiled and went away. Alex just sighed at his retreating figure. Well, that was eventful, she thought, repeating Cisco’s words earlier, and then entered Jitters.

She saw Iris go towards her. “Alex...” the latter trailed off, wanting to ask about Barry.

“You should go talk to him,” Alex only said. “Clarify things with him.”

Iris said no more and just thanked Alex for her advice before leaving. Alex never thought that there would be this much drama in the span of one day. She wasn’t one for the drama and just wanted things to be resolved easily. But this is how life is and she thought to just go with it.

After getting her tea and finishing her last rounds at the hospital, she clocked out and received a phone call from Cisco telling her that Wells will be giving her paycheck for this month. It might probably be the last paycheck she will ever receive from her new job and she would go back to just being a regular nurse. She took a bus to S.T.A.R Labs and then made her way to the Cortex.

“Hey, honey! How’s your day?” Cisco asked, exaggeratedly acting like a suburban dad.

“Yes, dad. It’s just okay,” answered Alex, going along with his joke.

“Ah, Ms. Lee,” said Wells as he wheeled towards her and handed her an envelope. “Here’s your paycheck for this month and your last one since Mr. Allen has woken up. Thank you for helping us in getting him better.”

“Well, it’s my job,” said Alex with a smile, which was returned by Wells with his own smile.

After thankfully taking the envelope, Alex was startled by a furious Barry entering the Cortex.

#the flash #fanfic #barry allen #iris west #cisco ramon #caitlin snow #joe west #harrison wells #eobard thawne #original character #series #cw series #arrowverse

[thelordfool]

When The Sun Rises - Chapter Six

Determination

“Aber- Courier,” The doctor corrected himself, “do you intend to take up Mr. House on his request?”

“Absolutely! ...Not. You are allowed to call me Aberdeen, you know. I won't get mad.”

“I just wasn't sure, is all.” Arcade reached up to wipe the sleep from his eyes, remembering on contact with his helmet that he wasn't able to. The courier had fashioned them both a way to hang their helmets from their necks, freeing their hands in case of attack, but Arcade was on the paler side and feared sunburn more than he probably should.

“After last night? Pff,” Aberdeen waved a dismissive hand. “Man, you could call yourself my best friend after all that money you won us. How'd you do it? Even my luck isn't that good.” The doctor merely shrugged.

“Couldn't tell you. First time in a while I really cut loose, too. I ought to thank you for that.”

“Nah, don't think of it. You deserved it. We both did.”

“I don't mean to pry, but... I assume your mission went the way you intended it to.”

The courier stopped in his tracks. They had set out of the Strip early that morning, headed south. Before they even could get off the premises of The Tops, someone stopped them – a spy of the Legion. He granted the courier the mark of Caesar, as the leader of the most feared group in the Mojave and outlying regions  (save for the former Enclave) wished to speak to Courier Six himself. Aberdeen had intended to go south, anyway, but not out to Cottonwood Cove. He had Primm set in mind, which was very much west of the eastern dock town. Arcade argued with him about it, but Aberdeen shot him down – he had business elsewhere in the region, regardless. Plus, it was just a bit south of Novac. He could get a rest in his own bed, for once. Afterwards, they stopped in at the Silver Rush to pick up some  extra microfusion cells and to get Aberdeen's - “What was it called again?” “A LAER. Laser-assisted electrical rifle. Picked it up out in the Big Empty. This one's modified, though.” “What is a Big Empty?” “Sigh.” repaired. It was his main weapon of choice, but it had seen better days. Arcade was basically a kid in a candy shop in that place, giddy as can be. Boy had a thing for energy weapons, it seemed, and the courier took note of that.

“Aberdeen?”

“Sorry. Got lost in thought there. Guess you could say it did,” he picked up the pace again. “We got a long walk ahead of us. Do you mind if we stop in a few places that've caught my eye?”

“I don't see why not.”

“Good. Also, do you mind if I turn on the radio? I hate long periods of silence. Drives me nuts.”

“Again, go right ahead.”

It was mid afternoon by the time they reached the REPCONN headquarters. Aberdeen was stiff from a previous fight with some Fiends earlier, and now there were loads of robots lying in wait ahead of them.

“I know this place, some of the history behind it,” commented Arcade. He prattled on a bit about it as they approached. “What are we here for?”

“Well, I had a... friend, yeah, a friend, who needed some repairs done on an old eyebot.”

“What, like the ones the Enclave used?”

“One and the same. I got the repairs done, but... Something happened to the eyebot, and I'm just wondering if I can find anything I need to get it back in operable shape.” Aberdeen was leaving something out on purpose. The men both had their secrets, and that was fine, but Arcade's suspicion was heightened by this. Did he, too, have connections to the Enclave? No. No way, impossible. Something was... off about this.

“We might be able to take a rest here, too. Granted nothing inside decides to shoot at us. C'mon.”

The men entered the facility. A Mr. Handy greeted them, offering them a tour. The corpses of a few Fiends lay in the main lobby area. Guess they declined a the tour in a less-than-friendly fashion. Aberdeen looked over to Arcade. “You wanna give this old rust bucket some purpose?”

“Oh, I'd love to!” His enthusiasm was boundless. The old bot led them through a set of double doors into a room filled display cases and old, err, safety barrels. Nothing interesting, as all the barrels were empty and even the vials of 'plasma' were just colored, slightly irradiated, water. The next room had models of rockets, again, nothing actually interesting to the courier, though Arcade was filled with glee and reading every plaque.

“This is so interesting ��� much of it is a bunch of pre-war bureaucratic malarkey – but the technology that's since progressed from this point... astounding, how even in the aftermath of a nuclear apocalypse, mankind continues to push forward.”

Though Aberdeen wanted to say something wise in response, he merely gave a light punch to the doctor's shoulder. “Nerd.”

“The geek shall inherit the Earth!” It was said with a smile, even if Arcade's face could not be seen.

“'Blessed are the meek; for they shall inherit the Earth.' Matthew, 5:5.”

“When's the last time you read the Bible?”

“A little too recently.” An odd moment it was, when he came across that Bible cached deep within a desk that had been laying underground for years. He strained to read it in the blood-red light trickling through a crack, an ironic prayer that it would put his mind at ease and he could sleep within that buried building and nothing would come to eat him during his restless dreams.

There was an uncomfortable pause. “It was a nice joke, though,” the courier chuckled. “Guess I just have a bad sense of humor when I'm focused.”

Already the Mr. Handy had progressed to the third room of the tour, and through the doors the courier could see what he wanted: a standard, albeit ancient, eyebot. His heart sank upon approaching it, however. Much like everything else on the tour, it was but a hollow replica of the real thing.

“ED-E might never be repaired,” he murmured to himself. Even if he could, he thought, would it be the same ED-E after he exploded like that? “Fuck!”

“Pardon me, sir,” the Mr. Handy said, “I'll have to ask you to refrain from using such language in the presence of the other rocketeers. Onwards, to the observatory!”

“Aberdeen, it doesn't take a genius to see that something's wrong, here.”

“It's nothing,” he muttered bitterly. “Literally. There's nothing here I can use. It's just a plastic piece of junk.”

“Do you think it'd be worth checking out the rest of the building? You know, in case they have a real one stashed away somewhere?” The courier shook his head, no. “Maybe there's something else in here, then, maybe you can find parts off another robot-”

“Arcade,” the man said softly. “I appreciate what you're trying to do. But unless there's a RobCo around these parts, I don't think I'll have any luck.”

“It'd make sense for there to be one, considering the owner of RobCo. I mean, he even bought REPCONN out. Doesn't make much sense to me.”

“Wait, who's the owner of RobCo?”

Arcade turned to stare at his companion. “I was literally talking about it less than fifteen minutes ago. Were you not listening?”

“...No.” The punch Aberdeen had given the doctor earlier was returned.

“Asshole.”

“Takes one to know one.”

“Don't deflect. Your poor listening skills are a sign of misdirected focus. If you hyper-focus on one thing, then you'll miss out on all the rest. Also, it makes you look like a jerk. Listen to your friends when they talk to you.”

“Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I'll do better to do that from now on.”

“You better.”

Plans changed after that to make headway for the 188 trading post. It was considerably safer than an abandoned building, filled with robots who could mistake the pair for intruders. On the way, Aberdeen listened to how the founder of RobCo was a Robert House, who may very well be the same Mr. House that runs New Vegas now. Or some decedent of the original. Something like that. RobCo had bought out REPCONN to get into the aerospace business, because, why not?

Dusk was starting to settle on the horizon. One thing Arcade noticed was that his companion was the type to stop and smell the roses – if roses grew out here, that was. Figure of speech aside, when there was something worth looking at, Courier Six would pause to stare, removing his helmet to take it in. And the sunsets around here were always worth looking at. It blasted the skies in hues of pink and orange, a deep, dark blue creeping in like capillary action. The clouds were never the same, or often just not there, and on the horizon, buildings melted into mountains.

The duo briefly wondered, without speaking, if that was what it looked like on impact of an atomic bomb. People were just dying to see it! The courier chastised himself for such dark humor.

“Aberdeen?”

“Hm?”

“How's your eyesight, with that injury?”

He reached up and gently traced over his left eye. He could barely open it, but by the grace of God, it hadn't been actually harmed. The deathclaw that had ruined his once devilishly handsome face had only gotten to swipe across the bridge of his nose, skipping just barely over the eye itself, and up over his brow. Most his eyelid and socket were scarred, making it difficult to lift the lid.

“Not great. My depth perception is off.”

“Not that anyone could tell with the way you were shooting earlier.” He glanced over to see his companion smirking.

“My peripherals, too. Can't tell you how many times afterwards ED-E would sneak up on me.” He had said it casually, without thinking, as if Arcade would know who he was talking about.

“Eddie?”It was pronounced with less of a pause between syllables, the way Six had done it. “Was... that a friend of yours?”

So he didn't hear him in REPCONN.

“...” He was angry. He had slipped. He hated what had happened out in the Divide. He hated thinking about how he ruined so many lives, and then another fell before him to stop it from happening again. It scrambled his brain. The wind-whipped, isolated land, pocketed with craters from detonated warheads. Tunnels seeking to drag him into a poisonous den. Ulysses, taunting him. He was a fool to follow the signs. You can go home, Courier Six! But he wouldn't. Not until he reached the end. And, in the end, the only thing keeping him going was gone, all because he was too cowardly to seek the missiles on the Legion.

“A lover, then,” Gannon concluded with a smug tone. “Didn't take you to be the romantic type.”

“He was not a lover!” The courier stopped and pivoted in his tracks, reaching out to the doctor. “You don't speak of ED-E from here on, cogitesne?!” His fist had closed around the edges of the duster. Despite Arcade's near half foot of height on the courier, he was dwarfened.

The rage radiating off the courier was palpable. Arcade had felt this fear only a few times before. And then, after a rather pregnant pause, his face sofened, but not to one of a joke, or joy, but to that of abject horror.

“Oh... oh, God,” he dropped his companion, stumbling a few steps backwards. “Arcade, God, I'm so sorry, I... I shouldn't have...”

“I overstepped.” The blonde haired man finally spoke, having caught a breath. “I made light of something that was obviously a serious situation. I deserved it.”

“You did not,” the other croaked. Was he... crying? No, but looked like he was about to. “Fuck.”

This time, there was no Mr. Handy to ask him to mind his manners. Arcade didn't mind. This was the first of many lessons the courier would teach him.

“Let's just... get going, alright? You can talk about it when you're ready.” He reached a tentative hand out to touch the shoulder of Aberdeen, but retracted it. “If you're ready,” he corrected himself.

Aberdeen grasped Gannon's hand, surprising the doctor. It was a handshake-type hold, a promise. They nodded to one another, and trekked down the road to the 188.

That night, Aberdeen would not sleep, only lay flat on his back, staring at an endless abyss of stars. Arcade would remember the feel of Aberdeen's hand, the blisters on exposed fingertips, the carefully filed nails, the welcoming and sorry seeping into him, opposite of when it held him at the throat. He would, unlike the other, eventually fall asleep, a light snore rising from his chest.

This is part six of ? of a slow burn Courier Six (Aberdeen)/Arcade Gannon fic. If you like my work, consider buying me a coffee or donating to my PayPal. I’m working on remaking my commissions post, but I do artwork, as well. I... also need a new tablet, so any tips will be going towards getting one!

If you’d like, drop me a kudos on Ao3 or start from the beginning here on tumblr. This fic is un-beta’d and updated frequently. Shoutout to vertiberd on Ao3, whose works I hungrily consumed, as they were fantastic. Also, big shoutout to the Wiki community for giving me ample material to work off of aside from my own memory.

#art blog #asriel writes fanfiction #fnv #fallout new vegas #fanfiction #fanfic #slow burn #slow burn fic #arcade gannon #courier six #this took me so damn long to write ugh

[myghostsdonthavehearts-blog]

Shows, introductions, and hangs.. • 9.12.17 • 2:49am

So, I don't know if I mentioned it on any of my recent posts but I saw The GROWLERS on September 1st! I bought my tickets back in April or May. I bought two because I figured I'd have someone to go with. And I did. It was just last minute. Took Eddie with me. I knew he was somewhat familiar with their music. Plus, he's pretty much always down to go to a show.

I met some of his friends that night. One at the show, he's a real neat dude. And then a few more later in the night. One is his neighbor and the others showed up a little while later. Cool dudes. And one girl, who is fucking gorgeous!! I ended up talking with her for a while that night. Not even gonna lie, I developed a crush on her real fuckin fast. If I had a picture I'd post it, but I don't. But for real though, just trust me, she's so beautiful.

ANYWAY, there was that show. It was fucking badass!! If I could go back and relive it I would. And of course being there with Eddie made it that much better. He's a good show buddy. And then him having one of his good friends there was fun too. A lot of laughs. I always feel bad though because I know sometimes he's in pain because of his RA.

I also took him to a show this past Saturday night. (9.9.17) Rez Of War played a show at Tempe Tavern. He's never seen the guys play before.

I was late picking him up, as always. I really need to stop being late for everything. But I waited for him to get ready and I met his uncle and his cousins son. So I guess, his nephew? Yeah. Cutest little dude! He was so full of energy. Eddie says he's always like that.

Anyway, we got back on this side to Tempe Tavern after ROW's set time but the show was running a little behind so it was all good.

We parked and walked to the back where Andrew, Joseph, and Bryon were. I introduced Eddie to them. Well, he already knew Andrew from working at TG. Joe and Pirate were nice. We talked with them for a minute and then went around to the front and went in.

We passed Davis and Isaac but I didn't bother to stop because it was loud and I was nervous.

We found Mom, Dad, and Iris at a table. It was too loud to talk so we just sat with them and I had to calm myself down. I was really nervous. Why?! The band that was playing finally finished their set and starting breaking their stuff down. Dad leaned over and said "You should introduce your friend now" (back story: My parents knew Eddie was going to be there. I told them a few days before. It's just kind of a tradition I guess to introduce our friends/boyfriends/girlfriends to them. Like, we don't make them introduce themselves to our guests. We take our friends to them and tell them their names and they shake hands with them.)

So anyway, Dad had spoken and I knew I had to do it. I introduced Eddie to my parents and Iris. Not a huge deal, but I was so nervous!!

It's been a while since I introduced anyone to my parents. Last one was Ray back in 2014. Last one before that was Jared, also in 2014. Before that was Dominic in 2009. He was my last actual 100% boyfriend. Actually, I don't think he ever met my Dad. I was never in a committed relationship with Ray, he wouldn't commit. (I dodged a bullet there!) And Jared is my best friend. I love him but he would never date me, which is cool because we're good how we are. We understand each other and we actually hardly see each other anyway. Haha! Oh! I forgot about Daniel back in 8th grade. He was my best friend then and I liked him a lot but he came out shortly after.

So I guess that makes Eddie the 5th person to meet my parents like that. (I consider Iris one of my parents because she's been there for us since we were all babies.)

However, he's only the 2nd I've taken to a ROW show. I don't take just anybody to those!

That's because the guys are near and dear to my heart. They're all my brothers. And for years their music was what kept me going. You don't share that kind of stuff with everyone. At least, I don't.

It's similar to the way I don't bring just anyone around MiLØ and T-bones. You have to be important to me to meet the people that are important to me. Ya dig?

So yeah, kind of deep and heavy, but whatever. It is what it is.

So he met the family. (I introduced him to Davis after the show.) The guys were all nice and I was so happy about that- Sometimes they're real stoic and cold. But like I said before, I don't bring guys around much.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. He said ROW sounds good. He was impressed with all of them.

He ended up helping with loading up after the show. I was joking but he helped Pirate and Isaac with putting the drums in Pirate's truck.

Then we were sent to get food for the two of them and Eddie and I met them at the house and hung out for a while.

THAT was kinda weird. I never bring people home. Last one I brought home was Lisa in 2010. And then Jared in 2014 but he would come over on his own to see me.

I honestly never thought I'd bring a guy to my house like that ever. But there we were just chillin with both of my brothers and watching Netflix. It was cool.

We headed back to Phoenix around 1:30am. I figured he'd had enough of my world and I didn't want him to feel trapped. (Overthinking)

When we got closer to his house he suggested looking for some people he use to work with. We searched and found one but because of authority figures it was pretty much a dead end.

Fast forward, parked in front of his house (as usual) we sit on the tailgate and talk.

Homeboy across the way invites us over again just like the previous weekend. So we go. I meet a new dude, neighbors cousin. Cool dude too, has me laughing real quick. Shortly after another dude from the weekend before shows up. And then a little while later a lady shows up. She's older but super chill and really nice.

I know their names I just don't know how to spell.. I'll post them another time. Maybe. Maybe not. We'll see.

Anyway, I end up staying there until 5am while they're all drinking and bumping now and then. I'm the only sober one because I have to drive home.

When I'm gonna leave I receive hugs from everyone. Unexpected but appreciated.

Then I take Eddie to get his other friend. And I'm forgetting his name now..? Shit. He's cool people too though. Gets in with his own little supply of beer and greens. I'm jealous at this point. Not only that he gets to hang with Eddie but that he has his own little supply. Hahaha idk, I just respect people that have their own shit.

So we're headed back to Eddie's area and he's saying things. Things that make me smile.

"I love you.. You know I love you."

Of course I know that. 🖤

We get back to the house we were chilling at. I stop in front and throw it in park so they can get out.

"I love you" is exchanged at the same time as our awkward in-the-truck hug and then he kisses me on the cheek. I kiss him on the cheek. He kisses me on the cheek again and makes his way to my mouth with two more kisses. We kiss a few more times. One long one to end it. And his homie is still in the back seat watching this happen! I even heard him chuckle a little. I kind of felt bad he had to watch all that happen but whatever.

They get out and Eddie says "hit me up any time I know I'm kind of a bitch to hang out with." I say "it's alright, you're worth it." (Laughing on both sides)

I leave and get home in under 25 minutes! How? Not sure. Probably very dangerous but whatever.

I probably didn't need to write all the details but this is my blog and I'll write whatever the fuck I wanna write.

Besides, like I always say, I doubt anyone is reading this shit.

However, if someone is reading it, I hope you enjoy. My life isn't all that exciting or even really that interesting but it's alright. There's a lot that happens that I don't write about. Like, yesterday my Mom was talking about me in a not very nice way and I wanted to scream and disappear, but I didn't write that all out. Until now. Even then, I earned that treatment. Even though it hurt a lot, I know it was my fault. Don't ask how, just trust me.

But yeah, I'm getting sleepy now so I'll stop here.

-T

••4:13am