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no6secretsanta · 4 months

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The one who is wise in mind sits apart in meditation

To/giftee: @aowyn

From/URL: @whims-of-insane-fandoms

Happy Holidays!

Dear aowyn,

I hope that I met some of the prompt for your Secret Santa assignment! Unfortunately, I got sick after finishing this fic so I couldn’t edit it so excuse any bad grammatical errors. Barring that, I loved doing this and this also challenged me to do a pov that is not Nezumi or Shion’s. I have never written a Safu pov so thank you for allowing me to do so and especially in a Safu lives AU (mostly based on the manga). I didn’t get to do everything from the prompt, but I hope that the narrative was enjoyable for you.

I think Safu and Nezumi can become best friends in due time and I’d like to believe Nezumi doesn’t really leave in this au. Safu and Shion are platonic soulmates and Nezumi and Shion are romantic soulmates. The three of them bond with their love that was strained thanks to No. 6’s actions but they’re the winners. Safu, Shion and Nezumi win in this au.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

-whims

Safu had become used to staring aimlessly up at the ceiling, arms and legs outstretched in the bed. It had become a strange habit of her to lay in bed like this, but the habit had been unbroken for two weeks. She had become used to the freedom of being able to move her limbs, to not have her limbs strapped down in the operating table or to have her conscience exist outside of her own body. The softness and warmth of her bed was always a grounding reminder that she wasn’t in that dreadful and cold correctional facility and her nightmares of that place could only harm her mind rather than her body.

Surprisingly, she had woken up today without a scream being ripped from her throat due to the memory of those dark days. The less she thought about those painful memories, the foggier they became. It was helpful that she had become preoccupied with other thoughts and memories.

Safu slowly eased her way to the edge of the bed where her wheelchair was waiting for her. The reminder of her current condition made her want to curl up in bed and stay there. However, she refused to do that. She was lucky and grateful to be alive.

She was lucky to have a working body at all, was lucky that Elyurias had taken pity for her plight and had preserved her body and conscious after the destruction of the correctional facility. Science deemed her resurrection impossible and Safu still thought it was impossible. She was dead, her brain ripped out of her body with no way of being a human again.

Shion and Karan called her resurrection a miracle.

She could still remember the moment she had awoken in a hospital bed, wondering if the afterlife really was real, and felt a warm hand on hers. She remembered turning her head to see Shion asleep holding her hand, a blanket covering his shoulders. There had been fresh tears on his eyes, and, for a moment, she thought she was dreaming.

This is no dream, a voice inside her head had told her, think of this as my gift to you to truly make you happy.

When Shion had woken up, it had been to the embarrassing sight of her crying, thanking Elyurias for letting her have this chance to live, to see Shion again, to let her live alongside Shion and for truly making her feel satisfied.

Safu got on the wheelchair with no trouble this time. She’d become particularly good at maneuvering her way through it after so long being wheelchair bound. Despite Elyurias saving her life and reuniting her with her body, the goddess could not completely negate the effects of her brain being outside her body for a long period of time. Her body needed time to relearn things she had taken for granted before, like walking or running or easily curling her toes. Until she fully recovered, she would have to use a wheelchair indefinitely.

It didn’t matter to Safu how long she had to use the wheelchair for.

All that mattered is that she was still alive.

Safu wheeled her way to the door, opening it and wheeling out to the hallway. It was still early in the morning, so she wondered if Shion was awake yet. Recently, he woke up much later than normal, staying in bed until he couldn’t anymore. A traitorous and green-faced side of her reminded her that he had a very human-shaped reason to stay curled up in bed, but she ignored that thought and headed to the kitchen.

“Safu, you’re up early!”

Safu was startled to see Karan, Shion’s mother, already awake and finishing a batch of bread for her bakery. Her hair was up in a high ponytail and Safu noticed it had gotten slightly longer. She had some flour in her apron and she was smiling brightly.

Safu was grateful to see Karan. Ever since she had been found in the ruins of the correctional facility, there had been talk about where she would go after being discharged. Her old home had been already sold and she had no other living family. However, it was Karan that had shut down all conversations and demanded that Safu come live with her and Shion. Karan had been the one that had advocated for her by talking with the doctors on her behalf. Karan had done so much for her when Shion had to deal with issues regarding the dissolution of No. 6 and West Block and other outdated things No. 6 had.

It was Karan that was by Safu’s side almost every day since she awoke when Shion had to deal with other matters. Karan was the one that always attended her visits with the doctor as they checked on her progress. Karan was the one that helped her bathe in the first days, before Safu could properly move her arms.

In these two weeks, Karan had become Safu’s closest friend.

Safu smiled, “Good morning, ma’am, I thought you’d still be in bed.”

“I couldn’t stay asleep any time longer and decided to get a head start. Do you want some bread? Fresh off the oven.”

“Yes, please.”

Karan set down a plate of food and Safu noticed there was another plate and a mug with steam rising from it. With a start, Safu realized someone else was awake and, based on the smell of coffee, it was the one person she still had a hard time understanding.

“Morning.”

Nezumi strolled in from another part of the house, nibbling one of Karan’s breads. His hair was down, an unusual thing to see from him since Safu had mostly seen him with his hair up, and he was wearing some of Shion’s clothes. She remembered that Shion had told her that his clothes were dirty and had to be washed.

There it was again, that pit on the bottom of her stomach that made her feel green. Safu recognized it easily, she wasn’t oblivious to her feelings. She was jealous of Nezumi. She buried those feelings away, but they always found a way to creep back without her wanting them to come back.

She’d wondered a lot who Shion loved. What was that person like? That curiosity had stemmed many years ago since Shion had adopted that faraway gaze, his eyes always seemingly looking at something none of them could see. His eyes were always gazing into a distance, the look that were described in books when wives waited for their husbands to come back after a long separation.

It had resurfaced again that day when they’d encountered the mouse, before she left to study abroad and when she had made her intentions and feelings clear. While she had confessed, Shion had still remained with that calm and cool expression. It hurt to remember it and it also hurt when she remembered him finally show emotion and chase after the phantom he longed for.

Even when she desperately wanted to see Shion during her captivity in the correctional facility, her thoughts had still wondered to who that special person in Shion’s life was. Who was the person that made Shion act so differently? Who was the person by Shion’s side?

When she first met Nezumi, she understood.

“Is Shion still in bed?” Karan said in a tone only a mother could pull off.

Nezumi shook his head, “Yes and no to that. He’s awake, it’s just the prince is planning for today’s trip.”

Karan smiled, “Oh, right. Shion was talking to me yesterday about all the different places he was going to show you and Safu. Safu, are you excited to explore the area that used to be West Block?”

Safu smiled and nodded, “Of course. I’m especially excited to properly meet Inukashi. Shion talks very fondly of their hotel and their dogs.”

On the third day of being back in her body, Shion had talked to her about West Block. About Rikigia, Inukashi and even the children that Shion had come to talk to. He talked about the dog hotel and his days spent helping clean the dogs and about the theater and the many different shops. He especially talked about the place that Shion called ‘home’, the place where he and Nezumi lived during his time away from No. 6.

“There’s so many books, Safu!” He’d excitedly chattered that night, curled up in the bed next to her, “So many books that I know you’ll want to read. It’s really cozy there too so you can stay there for hours reading. Nezumi and I can read with you there!”

Yes, she was very excited to see these places she’d only heard of. Places that made Shion’s eyes glint with joy and mirth in a way that No. 6 could never truly invoke from him. It was also the difference in how he saw her and how he saw Nezumi. The comparison made Safu sick because she was comparing herself to the same No. 6 that tormented her, Shion, Nezumi and countless others.

Karan sat down, eating some bread, and offering Safu her own plate as promised. Safu thanked her and the three of them began to eat their breakfast quietly. Safu found the silence enjoyable. It felt so easy to eat breakfast when she had such good company.

“Don’t get too excited with the dogs, Safu,” Nezumi warned, “Shion and Inukashi really like them, but those mutts are a handful.”

“Nezumi,” Karan chided him, “they’re very lovely animals. Oh, Safu, you’ll simply adore them. Their fur is very soft, and the dogs are so mild mannered. Inukashi is also very respectful and kind.”

“They only appear that way with you, ma’am. Inukashi is very rude so prepare yourself for that.”

Safu chuckled as Karan playfully scolded Nezumi while Nezumi cheekily spoke with her. Nezumi was so witty, a testament to his brilliance that Safu was aware he had. It made sense that he was brilliant, she’d noticed how intelligent and intense his gray eyes were the moment they met. Even if the two of them had not been in the best shape when they first met, she knew Nezumi was brilliant.

After all, he was the one Shion had fallen for.

“Good morning!”

Safu turned her head and saw Shion grinning at them from the hallway. She offered her own smile as Shion grabbed one of the breads that Karan offered him. He ate it and hugged his mother. Karan laughed, chiding him softly, as Shion turned to look at her. Shion enveloped her in a warm hug and Safu felt herself feel lighter.

Shion hadn’t changed completely like she’d feared. Yes, Shion had lost that faraway gaze of his and he was more open in his affection. He had more confidence now, too. However, there were parts of him that had been irreparably changed due to what No. 6 had done to him.

Shion’s pale white hair and his striking red eyes and the red snake-like scar that was all around his body replaced the image of the boy she had grown up knowing. His eyes, his hair and his skin were so different. There were also nights where she was made aware of his mental and psychological changes when she heard him screaming in the dead of night. Shion never talked to her about it, only asking about how she was doing, and it worried Safu. Like he felt that he couldn’t truly tell her the extent of his pain, of his trauma.

Do you talk to Nezumi about it?

Safu wanted to ask Shion that question so desperately. What was the extent of Nezumi’s position as the one Shion allowed to stay by his side, the one Shion loved? Was Nezumi the one comforting Shion after his nightmares? Was he sweet and gentle with Shion or was he callous and cold? Did the two of them exchange horror stories about what No. 6 had done to them? Did they find comfort tangled in their shared bed, gripping their hands, and knowing that this was all real? Safu could not relate, could not understand, when she woke up to nightmares with no one by her side.

What a depressing thought.

“Safu, whenever you’re ready, we’ll get going!” Shion said, pulling back with his eyes glinting in excitement, “We have so much to see today!”

For some reason, Safu felt a sharp pain in her chest looking at Shion. Something about his smile looked so. . . un-Shion-like. It was more strained and almost rehearsed. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but Nezumi spoke first, asking him to at least let them enjoy their nice breakfast. Shion took time convincing to do that but, luckily, the four of them were able to enjoy a nice breakfast before she was going to have her grand tour.

After breakfast, Safu, Shion and Nezumi made their way to what was formerly West Block. Thanks to Shion’s efforts, the wall had come down and there was easy access to and from the two areas. Shion had also advocated for aid to be given to the poor individuals that had been forsaken by the unfeeling officials of No. 6 so there were still many tents at the old border. There were medical tents where doctors gave the residents free checkups and food tents that gave the needy free food so they would not go to bed hungry. Overall, Shion expected there to be a lot of people they had to carefully navigate through as they were the “talk of the city” as Nezumi so eloquently put it.

Sadly, Karan could not go with them in their venture to the slowly recovering slums since she had to tend to her bakery. There was an explosion in clients due to her amazing baking skills, all of them clamoring for a taste of her delicious pastries. Safu was sad that she wouldn’t go with them, but she didn’t mind so much when Nezumi and Shion were such good guides.

Shion helped push her wheelchair, pointing at markets where Nezumi would haggle for their food while Nezumi added a comment or two to make fun of him. Sometimes, Nezumi would be open with them and admit to something that had happened to him in the years he first spent living in West Block. Those stories painted a very tragic picture of Nezumi’s already horrific past, but Nezumi waved away her sympathy.

“He does that often,” Shion whispered to her as Nezumi went to get them some snacks from a place Shion loved to eat from, “He doesn’t like to be pitied, despite how sad it was for him.”

“He’s very proud, isn’t he?”

“Proud and too stubborn to let anyone see him as weak,” Shion agreed.

“You two better not be gossiping about me.” Nezumi shot back.

“Never,” Shion said, looking at Safu and shooting her a wink.

When she laughed, Nezumi looked a bit annoyed but, surprisingly, was also smiling when he saw Shion smiling. Now that she thought about it, Nezumi looked more relaxed than she ever remembered seeing him. He was still on edge, but it was clear that was a result of habit rather than feeling unsafe. He glanced over his shoulders and his hand inside his jacket pocket clutched something he no longer had there.

He also kept looking back to look at Shion, another habit that apparently formed because he didn’t want to lose Shion in the crowd. Every time Shion led them somewhere with excitement, Safu could see the fondness and adoration in Nezumi’s eyes.

Nezumi loved Shion, just as much as Shion loved him. They didn’t express this love openly, but they didn’t need to. Sometimes, Nezumi would linger close to Shion, eyes fixated on the boy who was engrossed in something else. Other times, Shion would touch Nezumi and continue touching him even if he didn’t have to. It made Safu jealous to see this because she still loved Shion despite everything.

However, it was clear that Shion loved her too.

While Shion stared at Nezumi with love, he didn’t hesitate to look at her with a similar gaze. She knew it was love, just not romantic. Shion didn’t have that faraway look when he looked at her. He was actually looking at her, smiling at her, basking in her presence.

It occurred to Safu that her near death experience and their separation had truly rattled Shion. While he had loved her before, his expressions told her that he loved her more deeply now. When he stared at her now, it was as if he were looking at something extremely precious. . . or could it be possible that Shion always looked at her with this level of affection, but she had been too busy focusing on his faraway gaze to notice the extent of his love for her?

Shion was a mystery, she concluded, and he kept mysterious company.

“The hotel is right around here,” Nezumi said, looking bored and disgruntled.

“Nezumi, be nice,” Shion laughed, “Inukashi misses you. You’ve been avoiding going to meet them here.”

Nezumi huffed, “It’s because of Shion.”

Safu frowned, “Shion. . .?”

“Not me,” Shion clarified, “Shion is a baby that Inukashi is taking care of. I found him after. . . I found him when he had no one to take care of him. That’s around the time Nezumi and I were picked up by the correctional facility, so I sent him to Inukashi.”

“And Inukashi has been attached to the little kid since,” Nezumi snickered, “Who knew they had any parental instincts? Maybe their mother did actually gave them positive qualities.”

Shion rolled his eyes and, with that, rolled Safu in the direction of the hotel. True to his word, the place was filled with many dogs and, just like Karan said, they were kind and soft. Inukashi was exactly as Nezumi and Shion described them. Karan could see the positives that Shion saw while also seeing those other traits Nezumi talked about.

“So you’re Safu, huh?” Inukashi asked, eying her with sharp eyes.

They were clever and inquisitive, reminding her a lot of Nezumi. They also had a foul mouth but, like Shion had told her, they were honest and charming. Unlike Nezumi, however, Inukashi was less guarded with her. Safu thought it was not their norm based on what Nezumi had talked about and she was proven right when they redirected their attention to the small baby they were taking care of.

“So, as someone who lived in that horrible place, what do you think of our charming, shitty neighborhood?” Inukashi asked, bouncing the baby on their leg.

“It’s very. . . real.” Safu admitted, “Nothing about this place is artificial. Everything here that is beautiful is because it’s natural. It’s nothing like the beautiful places in No. 6. It’s so. . . lively.”

“Great, you are as smart as Shion said you were.”

Safu smiled, “And you are just as described. Less rude than Shion and Nezumi made you out to be, though.”

“Give them a minute or two.” Nezumi retorted.

Shion laughed, patting Inukashi’s head, “Trust me, Safu will never see that side of Inukashi. Not while baby Shion is here.”

“Hey, don’t make me out to be too nice,” Inukashi said, almost pouting, “I have a reputation to hold, Shion!”

“Ah, of course, the world will end if people know you’re soft on your friends,” Shion said, winking at Safu.

“Hey!”

Shion and Inukashi led her through the hotel, Nezumi pushing her wheelchair when she got tired of wheeling it. Shion pointed out many dogs and said their names while Inukashi told her that there was another pregnant stray they had found. Based on the dog’s physique, Inukashi figured they would give birth soon and asked if Shion could come to see the birth. Shion promised he and Safu would be there, and she found it odd that Nezumi would not join them for the puppy birth.

They ate food in Inukashi’s hotel, enjoying the light breeze and the sunlight in their outdoor picnic. Inukashi and Nezumi bickered playfully while Shion pointed out to her more dogs. Inukashi kept praising Karan’s bread and Safu asked if Inukashi would let her spend a night here with one of their dogs. Nezumi tried to discourage that, but Shion said it would be a great idea for a sleepover with her, Karan, and himself. Again, strangely enough, Nezumi was absent from this plan.

By the time they left the hotel, Inukashi informed them that Rikigia had gone to visit Karan in her bakery so they wouldn’t be able to visit him. Instead, Shion decided that this was the perfect time to go to the place where he and Nezumi lived while Shion was in exile. Nezumi agreed and, with that, they set off to that old, quaint room filled with books that Shion always talked about.

“Welcome, Safu, to our home!”

It was a small room, as expected, with things like a bed, a cute table in the middle, a couch, and other knick-knacks. It was nothing compared to the luxury of some of the homes in No. 6, but Safu immediately loved this place. Not only that but, true to all the stories of this place, this room was filled with books. Safu had never seen real books like this, used to the e-papers that No. 6 relied on. However, upon touching the spine of a book called Don Quixote, she realized she was equally enamored by these books.

“Do you have every book in existence?”

“No, I’m not the Library of Alexandria.”

Safu snickered, picking up a book with no title, “Can I read these?”

“That’s what books are for,” Nezumi replied, picking up a book and giving it to her, “Try this one.”

“Hamlet?”

“I think you’ll like it.”

Safu nodded, opening it to the first page. She began to read, finding herself engrossed by the story as she learned about the ghost of a dead king appearing before people. As she began to read about the succeeding king and the heir, the titular Hamlet, she could see that Shion and Nezumi were moving around the room. She was going to ignore them until she saw Shion give Nezumi a bag filled with things like matches, water bottles and other supplies.

“What are you two doing?”

Shion jumped and Nezumi closed the bag. Shion looked at her and gave her a strained smile, as if he was going to lie to her. Nezumi did nothing but stare at her, as if already expecting a scolding for something.

“We’re just-.”

“Packing.”

“Packing? To move this stuff to your mom’s house, Shion?”

Shion hesitated before shaking his head. Nezumi opened his mouth, as if to explain when Shion grabbed his arm. Something was wrong. Something had changed. No, that wasn’t correct. Nothing changed, it was just that she was going to finally get clarity on . . . on what? What was it that she had not realized.

“Shion? What’s going on?”

“Safu. . .” Shion sighed, sounding defeated in a way that made Safu’s chest ache, “Nezumi is. . . Nezumi is leaving.”

Safu’s eyes widened as Shion avoided her gaze. Nezumi was quiet, still holding onto the bag. She looked at the two of them again and could see how defeated Shion looked. His shoulders were slumped, and she finally understood why Shion had looked so sad before.

“Where is he going?”

Nezumi shrugged, “I’m leaving this place and going out to the world.”

An exploration? It fit Nezumi’s wandering, inquisitive nature.

“When will you come back?”

Nezumi shook his head, “Safu, I don’t have a place to come back to.”

Shion put back a book on the shelf, avoiding her gaze. She knew that he did that when he didn’t want her to guess how he was feeling. Safu knew exactly how he felt. Shion must have been destroyed.

She knew what Nezumi was to Shion. Nezumi was a thief that had stolen a part of Shion’s self for himself, and Shion had stolen a piece of Nezumi for himself. They were intertwined, star-crossed lovers that were hopefully meant to live together for a long time. One without the other was lost and they would rather die together than have one live and the other die. They would do anything for each other, would be willing to live on for the sake of the other despite their traumas and scars.

To hear Nezumi wanted to leave and leave Shion behind as if those bonds were not there, as if Shion’s pain couldn’t destroy him. . . it was too cruel. Safu didn’t want Nezumi to leave. He couldn’t leave. Not when she was beginning to understand this person.

Safu liked Nezumi. Her affection towards him could never be the same as how she felt about Shion, but she had come to hold Nezumi in high regard. Nezumi was the one that had broken through Shion’s seemingly apathetic existence and breathed life into him. Nezumi had been the one to protect Shion, had nearly died for Shion and had lived for Shion.

Nezumi was kind to her, even if it was in his own way. He had understood her intentions in the correctional facility, had honored her wishes and had even mourned her. While Karan and Shion were the ones most involved in her care, Nezumi was the one that had made her laugh for the first time after returning her body. Nezumi had been the one that had not treated her like she was fragile. He respected her and it made her respect him, in turn.

Nezumi was kind, intelligent, witty, scholarly, strong, rude, and cynical. He was able to be vulnerable and open despite being so jaded and cruel. How could he leave when she was barely learning all of these things about him?

How could he leave them?

“. . .No. You can’t leave.”

“. . . What did you say?”

Shion still wasn’t looking at either of them, making an expression Safu couldn’t see. Nezumi gazed at her and Safu felt naked under that intense gaze again. Nezumi’s beautiful eyes were just like the boy himself – beautiful, intelligent, and dangerous. Safu had a hard time composing herself.

“You can’t leave.”

Nezumi raised an eyebrow, amusement washing over his features, “Are you playing the role of my mother, Safu? I don’t need your permission to leave this place. I was just telling you.”

Safu felt herself frown, “If you leave, then you can never show yourself in front of Shion again.”

“Safu!”

This made Nezumi frown, a dark expression crossing his face. That was an expression Safu didn’t think he could make. He wasn’t just angry, he looked hurt and upset. He looked on edge, as if the threat had hit a nerve. Good, she was glad that he was angry too. She was livid.

“Who are you to make that decision?”

Safu lowered her friend, clutching the arm of her wheelchair, “I’m the person that loves Shion the most in this world and he is the person I love the most. It doesn’t matter anymore if that love is romantic or platonic but it’s true. We love each other. Because of this, I know that you leaving will leave Shion torn. It doesn’t matter if he has his mom, Inukashi, Rikigia or me in his life. You. . . you are his precious Nezumi, the one who did what no one else could and breathed new life into him. Leaving him when you don’t have to. . . how selfish is that?! You are so selfish!”

Safu was so angry at Nezumi. How dare he throw Shion aside, leave his side on purpose, when that had been the position Safu had been dying to occupy? She wished she had been in Nezumi’s spot even when she thought she’d die. Her desire had been to remain at Shion’s side, to stay with him, to live with him. Nezumi had everything she had wished for when she had been dying and he was throwing it away.

It wasn’t fair.

Nezumi scowled at her, “I’m selfish for wanting to leave this place for my own sake?”

“Yes.”

“Then are you not also just as selfish, Safu? You don’t care about my feelings on this matter, you only seem to care about your own and, by extension, Shion’s.”

“I am selfish,” Safu replied, “I won’t deny that, I won’t be a hypocrite. I, unlike you, try to avoid hurting others with my selfishness.”

“I’m not trying to hurt others but I’m not going to sacrifice my wants for others. I’m not that self-serving. I refuse to be that selfless.”

Safu was angry and Nezumi was angry too. Just when she thought that she understood Nezumi, he did something like this. Why? Didn’t he care about Shion? About Karan, Inukashi or her? Was he not thinking about how lucky he was that he had all of this?

They could have died two weeks ago. For a moment, she and Nezumi had truly died and left this world. They could’ve left behind this world that, while cruel and broken, was filled with beauty and the people they loved. They were lucky to be alive, lucky to continue living and enjoying the small gifts of being alive. How was Nezumi willing to throw it all away for a selfish whim? Why couldn’t he just appreciate what he had right now?

“You’re so-!”

“Stop it, please.”

Safu and Nezumi turned to look at Shion who had a single tear roll down his cheek. He was clutching his coat tightly and his lower lip was wobbling. He sniffed, blinking away his tears. She could see Nezumi turning to look away, as if guilty.

“This day wasn’t supposed to end in a fight,” Shion muttered, wiping his tears, “I just wanted to enjoy this day with two people I love so much. You’re both so important to my life and I almost lost you both. I thought this day was a dream come true. . . please. . . please don’t fight.”

Safu pointed at Nezumi, “He’s the one that wants to leave. It’s not my fault that he doesn’t understand that no one wants him to leave, not even me.”

“She’s the one who won’t consider my point of view.”

Shion shook his head, “Unbelievable. Two of the smartest people I know . . . and you’re both idiots.”

“Hey!” Safu and Nezumi shouted.

Shion smiled weakly, “Safu, I don’t want Nezumi to leave either but that’s his decision. No. 6 has hurt him badly. . . it has hurt us too. Our scars that remain from that pain remind us that it happened, and we can’t erase that. No. 6 imprisoned Nezumi and took away his freedom, even when Nezumi was no longer in their hands. No. 6 is gone and Nezumi is truly free. Safu, I-I don’t want to be another jailer for him.”

“But you love him,” Safu whispered, putting her head down, “Why would you let him leave if it’ll hurt you?”

“Because it’s what he needs.” Shion smiled, crouching down to hold her hands, “Safu, it would not be an eternal farewell. Nezumi would come back, I know that. I don’t want him to leave but I can’t chain him down to stay by my side. You understand that, right?”

She did. She understood it because, when she thought she was going to die in that dreadful correctional facility, Elyurias had asked her if she had wished for Shion to die with her. The answer had been that Safu loved Shion enough to not be that selfish. She wanted her beloved Shion to live, to live on and change the world, even if it meant she wouldn’t be by his side. She squeezed Shion’s hands tightly, conveying her understanding.

“Oh, Safu,” Shion said with adoration and love, “I’m happy that you’re my friend, my irreplaceable and precious Safu. . .”

“Shion, I just don’t want you to be sad.”

“I don’t want that for him, either,” Nezumi admitted, “I just don’t truly have a place for me here, not in this place that holds too many memories. Good or bad, these memories are something I need to spend time figuring out. I need to. . . I need to understand certain mysteries.”

Safu felt horrible for yelling at Nezumi, but she didn’t regret it. Nezumi looked upset but not devastated. Clearly, he wasn’t just being mindlessly selfish about leaving. He had clearly thought about this decision a lot. She couldn’t begrudge him that. She had just been shortminded in thinking that he was mindlessly leaving out of selfishness and that he hadn’t loved them all enough to stay. She hated this feeling more than the jealousy that sometimes turned its ugly head.

“Nezumi, how about a deal?”

Nezumi looked at her, raising an eyebrow, “A deal?”

“My deal is this: you can leave No. 6 only after I’m fully healed, and I can walk again.”

“That could take months, years or maybe it’ll never happen.”

Safu nodded, “You’re right, but I think I will recover eventually. It’ll leave you enough time to think about leaving right away. You don’t know if you’ll regret leaving months after you’re gone.”

“You think I’ll change my mind, Safu?”

“I hope you do, Nezumi. I really don’t want you to leave and I’m sure Shion, his mother, Inukashi and even Rikigia won’t want you to leave either. But, like Shion said. . . you’re free. We’re not your new jailers and forcing you to stay. Once I’m recovered and you still want to leave. . . we won’t stop you. Just don’t leave right now. We still need you here.”

Nezumi’s eyes were soft as he looked at her. What did his eyes see? Her fear, her jealousy, her anger, her pain, her guilt, her lack of guilt? Her genuine wish for him to not leave? She wasn’t sure what Nezumi saw as he stared back at her. She wasn’t even sure what she saw when she looked at him with the same calculating eyes. He reached out his hand and Safu took it. She could see Shion looking up at Nezumi, also anticipating Nezumi’s answer.

“. . . Alright.”

Safu and Shion smiled, looking at each other and reflecting their relief at each other. Shion hugged Nezumi, burrowing his face against Nezumi’s chest. Nezumi looked caught off-guard, but he melted into Shion’s hug, releasing a sigh that sounded so tired. Shion turned to look back at her and hugged her too.

“Thank you, Safu!”

Safu patted Shion’s back, “I just bought us more time.”

“That’s all I need! All I need is more time with people I love- you, Nezumi, my mom, Inukashi and Rikigia. I’m just so happy to get it.”

Shion was so easy to make happy, Safu thought with a start. She was surprised how easily he had gotten happy with a deal that could still lead to his first love to leave him and, possibly, never return. Some things truly never changed, she supposed. Shion had been easy to make happy too, before that day that Shion was stripped of his elite status, and she was glad that it was a trait that had never been robbed from Shion despite how much the world had changed him.

Shion slowly left her embrace and walked away from Nezumi and Safu. The two of them exchanged puzzled looks as Shion stopped in front of the bed, staring at it for a good minute in silence, until he laid down.

“Come on, let’s take a nap right now.”

Safu wondered if her confused expression was mirrored by Nezumi’s. Shion patted the bed, staring at them both, and repeated himself. Despite repeating himself, Safu was still unsure what Shion wanted so she continued to stare.

Nezumi shook his head, “We won’t fit. Your Highness needs plenty of space to sleep.”

Shion glanced at him, “We will fit if we squeeze together.”

Nezumi groaned and made his way to the bed. Safu smiled and was about to head to the couch to continue reading Hamlet when Shion turned to look at her. He smiled, eyes still red-rimmed with tears, and patted the bed. She felt herself realize that the “we” Shion was referring to wasn’t just limited to Nezumi. The invitation was for her too.

Safu got out of her wheelchair, leaving the book on the chair to read later, and squeezed into the bed alongside Nezumi and Shion. Shion grabbed Safu’s hand and Nezumi’s, closing his eyes. Nezumi sighed, leaning closer to Shion’s side.

Safu stared at them and thought the three of them made quite the sight. Three heavily scarred people that No. 6 tormented who, despite the actions of vile and careless individuals, survived. They had gotten the last laugh, able to live on in a world that they would change for the better. This is how it should be.

They had their roles to play that could, eventually, lead them down separate paths. Nezumi’s nature was to be a wanderer, free as the wind and trying to see it all in search of himself. Shion’s nature was to be someone who remained, ensuring that the wanderer had a place to return to. Her nature was to be an observer, watching everything and keeping memory of the world around her.

It was possible that Nezumi would leave even after the deadline of her walking expired. However. . . However, that didn’t matter right now. What mattered right now was the warmth that Nezumi and Shion had, how tightly Shion held her hand and showed her that he loved her deeply. Nezumi’s head was leaning against Shion’s, eyes staring at Shion with a saddened look in his eyes.

“Go to sleep, Nezumi,” Shion whispered, opening one eye, “Don’t stare at me like that. Besides, I’m taking you both to the theater tonight.”

“Ugh, I don’t want to see any bad performances tonight.” Nezumi groaned.

Shion snickered, turning to look at Safu, “Nezumi used to be an actor called Eve.”

“Don’t tell her that.”

“He looks so beautiful onstage, and he has the most beautiful singing voice. When you see him perform as Eve, it’s like a whole different person. I hope you see that one day.”

“Before you leave, then,” Safu said, clutching Shion’s hand, “Nezumi, you have to perform for us. One last performance.”

“I have to be paid to perform.”

Shion moved and she heard Nezumi give out a soft groan. Based on their position, Safu knew that Shion had elbowed Nezumi slightly. The guarded young man, tough and strong as he was, shared her weakness – a soft spot for Shion. No doubt that, if it had been someone else, Nezumi would have retaliated. But he didn’t with Shion. . . not with Shion.

“Fine, it’ll be a free performance. However, I won’t do it in front of others. Just you two.”

“And Shion’s mom.”

“. . . Fine, in front of her too.”

“What about Inukashi?”

“They’d have to pay but I can give them a discount for the baby.”

“What about Rikigia?”

“He pays full price.”

The three of them laughed. Shion asked Nezumi which of his plays he’d perform. Nezumi replied he was open to any suggestion. Safu asked them if she could browse the books later and get to choose the play which Shion agreed with. Eventually, Nezumi caved in and said that Safu would get to have the choice of which play he’d perform.

The three of them stayed like that, muttering ideas and plans for the future. Shion tried to get up to write some of them down, but Safu and Nezumi pulled him back into the bed. It was too comfortable right now for any of them to move. Shion, a pushover for their demands today, obliged and said that Nezumi would have to remember all of their plans. Nezumi reluctantly agreed, teasing Shion that “his majesty’s wish is my command.”

Safu found that she didn’t ever want to leave this room. She wanted to stay in this room with Nezumi and Shion and forget about the world outside. She wanted to stay here a bit longer and forget about what the future would hold. For a moment, she wanted to stretch this moment into a lifetime. She wanted to remain this happy, at least for a little bit longer.

Safu turned to look at Nezumi, feeling herself growing drowsy, “Can you sing for us?”

“What, like a lullaby?”

“Mmhmm.”

Nezumi smiled and Safu thought he looked younger when he did that with no malice, “Alright, then.”

Safu closed her eyes and a beautiful yet sorrowful song echoed in this cozy and warm room. Safu let herself drift between waking and sleep, feeling herself as light as the song. The hand holding hers was still warm and the voice was so soothing. She felt like she was floating just like when she no longer had a body. However, unlike before, she knew that she had two people right next to her, floating with her.

“You have a beautiful voice, Nezumi. . .”

Whatever happens later didn’t matter anymore.

All that mattered was the present as the wanderer, the one who remains, and the observer drifted into a restful sleep in a room where they could be safe and sound.

#submission #no. 6 #no. 6 secret santa #nezushi #safu #nezumi #shion #aowyn #whims-of-insane-fandoms

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