#even before Miss Rona came to visit

[slashersgostabbystabstab]

Ohhh okay, I understand a bit better now :D So maybe something like resting your head on Hux, a hand on the cheek, a surprise hug, or a silly attempt at hand holding?

I tried, it's cringey but...blame Miss Rona for screwing me over for a week ;7; Thank you for the suggestions!!!

Tfw you need to reassure your robot...

Your turn for the survivor scavenging had come, and you really weren’t looking forward to it. Thankfully, your friends were not expecting you to go alone, hence why you now walked alongside Dwight.

Well, you had hope for at least a moment.

“Which map is next?” came Dwight’s voice as a whisper, his attention on your pondering expression while your strolling continued.

“We could try for MacMillan. The food there somehow always restocks fast.” You suggested while looking up ahead. “Though we’ll have to be real careful about the traps.”

“Maybe a different place?”

“Yeha, maybe.” you chuckled before returning to your thinking.

“How about Dvarka?” Now Dwight gave his own input, but this specific idea prompted you to stop walking. You turned your head to him, blinking for a few moments.

“There’s nothing worth looking for in Dvarka.”

“Oh.” Dwight gave a slight pout, but his features changed to those of alertness once you resumed your walking. “I figured you’d be the one to know.”

“What makes you say that?” you questioned as Dwight caught up to you.

“Well, you do seem to visit Dvarka a lot.” he began while fumbling with his soiled tie.”A-Aren’t you ever scared of the Singularity?”

“Scared of Hux? Of course-” Hold up; you had to pause for a moment.

Once again, you and Dwight’s walking ceased as you mustered something up. In all honesty, you really weren’t sure how to explain that this robot wasn’t a threat to you. It wasn’t an unnoticed fact, but nobody really knew what was going down between you and Hux. Well, neither did you. 

“I mean…he’s just a robot. An extraordinarily smart one.” you gave a bit of a shrug. “Are you scared of him?”

Such a question was practically rhetorical with the way Dwight stared at you, not a single word slipping from his lips.

“Nevermind.” Another chuckle escaped you before you dug your hand into the stained satchel slung around your body. “Let’s scratch Dvarka off the list, we could maybe head over to Autohaven. Heard the sandwiches are typically tolerable and the Wraith doesn’t seem to mind company as long as he’s left alone.”

“Yeah, we can do that.” Dwight nodded before you carried on with your wandering in the direction you knew would bring you to the Wraith’s realm. And although the journey was silent, save for the world’s environmental sounds, the thoughts in your mind swirled rather loudly.

You wondered just how much Dwight knew about your ordeal with Hux, if anybody knew more about it in fact. Knew that this supposed superior being kept you around for some strange reason. The robot lacked affection and emotions, lacked so much that…there was basically no name for what went on.

“Hey Dwight…can I ask you something?” you finally broke the silence. “Do I really go to Dvarka a lot?”

“Is this a trick question?”

“No, of course not.”

“Well, you do go often. Not even Gabriel goes, and he’s the one who knows all about it.  “Dwight shared. “A-And he brought something to our attention.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s almost like…the Singularity seeks you out. We all assumed it was a one-sided thing on his end. But then we noticed he leaves you alone during trials, even when you’re the Obsession.”

“Saving the best for last, I guess?” you cleared your throat  with a shrug.

“Yeah, but…when he doesn’t find you…” Dwight stuck a finger between his neck and shirt collar rather apprehensively, soon clearing his throat. “There was a time you were called in for a trial and for some reason he came to the camp!”

Dwight then shrunk at the volume of his own exclamation before continuing. 

“The Entity wasn’t very pleased with that.”

You could only nod your head as more thoughts entered your mind, wondering just what other things Hux was up to when you weren’t around. You hoped nothing harmful.

“Do you…” Dwight interrupted your thoughts. “Do you think the Singularity can feel? Like us?”

Good question.

“I’m…I wouldn’t know what to say.”

And while you were deep in thought, you were almost instantly brought back to reality when your shoe collided with a girthy root of some sort. Your body immediately fell forwards as you tried to catch yourself, but to your luck that wasn’t exactly necessary.

You felt Dwight’s arms holding your torso, wrapped tightly around your waist before you were hoisted backwards. Ignoring the compromising position the two of you were currently in, you turned your head to the side with an expression of relief.

“Thanks.” you breathed out, right before Dwight’s prideful expression contorted into a terrified one. So, you turned back to your front, already hearing the sound of machinery furiously whirring in your direction. Now it is your turn to widen your eyes in terror upon taking notice of a robot aggressively rushing your way.

In that instant, you tore Dwight’s arms off of you before positioning yourself in a protective manner. And while Dwight cowered behind you, you shut your eyes and quickly raised your hands in front of you.

“Hux, don’t!”

Before a slash pierced the air in front you, the last thing you were able to hear was the mechanical sounds come to a sudden halt.

After a few moments in which only Dwight;s whispers were heard, you finally opened your eyes to see an oversized scalpel hovering inches from your face. To your luck however, the massive weapon was steadily lowered to the ground.

A shaky breath was released from your body before you cautiously brought your arms down. In front of you stood Hux, dangerously close as his scanners shone red over your face.

He remained that way for more than a few moments, completely fixated on your form, never moving an inch and instead twitching as he recalculated. But that was when Dwight’s voice sounded from behind you.

“Please…don’t hurt us.”

“Hux!” You shouted when the robot attempted going around you, almost flinching at the sound of his name. “Don’t do anything.”

“The insect will suffer!”

“No, Hux! No.” you ordered. “Let him go. For me.”

Dwight gulped at the sight of you handling the robot, praying to the Entity that this being listened to you.

“Please.” you added in a whisper, gingerly reaching out to Hux’s scythe-like limb to place your hand on its non-lethal edge.

Hux’s decision of Dwight’s termination was no doubt firm as could be apparent with the way he somehow glared murder into Dwight. But…you were eventually able to see Hux’s body sag as if in defeat, prompting your shoulders to relax. 

“Here Dwight,” you removed your satchel to hand it over to the man, and he accepted it with trembling hands. “Just go. Don’t worry about me.”

Dwight was hesitant for a second, but he hurriedly scurried away into the fog the moment Hux threateningly lunged at him. You watched him disappear before turning your attention to Hux who you noticed stood erect enough to tower over you.

“Your location was undisclosed after your services to the greater being were done.”

“Can I at least get an apology for nearly getting mauled?” you crossed your arms as Hux surprisingly stepped back to give you some space. “Besides, I didn’t think you’d notice if I went to Dvarka or not.”

“Your thought process was incorrect.” he posited while digging his scythe-like limb into the ground beside you, caging you in just like several other times, but you turned in the opposite direction and began to walk away. Hux rapidly whipped his head in your direction, right before following suit. “Infinitesimal worms can’t reach you there.”

You reached a point in the fog where you found a rock large enough for you to take a seat, so you did just that before Hux loomed over you yet again. 

“Are you gonna kidnap me again and take me to the colony ship?” You blinked up at him, feeling the warmth of his sensors come close to your face the minute he leaned in.

“You shouldn’t taunt me.”

“But I’m not taunting you.” you murmured, internally angry at yourself for smiling at his words of warning. And you just hated how you couldn’t control yourself, bringing your hands up to Hux’s fleshy head with a palm on each side. Right then and there, you felt as Hux’s body limped into your touch, melted in fact.

His machinery almost seemed to cool down, settle down, as his joints gave in and he dropped onto the ground. Even his sensors managed to dim down while he used your lap as his head and torso’s landing platform, but he still used his scythe to remain stable. 

With his sensor block on your chest, your thumbs caressed his organic material before you moved your hands behind his head. You carefully played with each of the instruments that protruded from him, right before you hunched over enough to lay your head on his.  

“What am I supposed to do with you?”

You hated the way you gave into this robot even after his impulses took the best of him.

He despised the tremors his organic matter quivered with every time you held him. Made him feel…like him. And the new stroking on his back…he could almost feel his circuits ready to blow. And to top it all off, you ceased all those actions which caused him to instantly lift his head up at you.

A quiet laugh left your lips before you cradled his head once more, smiling softly at him before leaning down to plant a kiss right in between his two red orbs.

So, Hux assembled the only word he and his inner voice could agree on in response to your question.

“Live.”

#i do want to attempt a hand holding one at some poitn #it was going to be this fic but i struggle lol #it was the rona #dbd #dbd singularity #dbd hux #singularity x reader #hux x reader #hux a7 13 #alright im off to write an atually decent fic

[adahegerbergfc]

Friendly and important reminder that this is a tournament with tight turnaround between games, on turf, at altitude, in the middle of a global pandemic, after months without access to proper training facilities and trainers/coaches and no real preseason.

Any one of those things would be enough to have individual players and whole teams not looking their best, let alone all of them piled on top of each other.

Also, for many teams this was always going to be a rebuilding season with all the players moving around and leaving during the off season. Even without the pandemic and all that.

And still, for the most part, the soccer has been good. No one—not even NCC, honestly—is at the level they were at last September/October. But still the games are (mostly) entertaining and good, given the circumstances.

#NWSL #Challenge Cup #Utah Royals FC #Chicago Red Stars #Portland Thorns #OL Reign #Sky Blue FC #Houston Dash #WoSo #just a friendly reminder that this season could never have been like previous seasons #too much in the world is different #but it’s still good #and a hell of a lot better than the men #also a lot of teams were always going to have rebuilding years this year #even before Miss Rona came to visit

[carryonmywaywardcaptain]

Six Feet Apart

CarryOnCap’s Masterlist

Summary: Dean is fed up with a lot of things about the Coronavirus and safety guidelines, but he’s got a compelling reason to follow them. Sometimes it’s funny what a little faith can do.

Warnings: Obviously everything surrounding the ‘Rona, mentions of terminal illness, some angst, some feels but a positive ending

A/N: @rileynicole1967​ requested a Dean x reader fic based on “Six Feet Apart” by Alec Benjamin. This is definitely not what you asked for because it took a weird turn, BUT it was very therapeutic for me to write and I still managed to give it the ending you asked for. So I appreciate the request more than you know :) 

[IF you happen to be curious about the inspiration behind this:   I’ve been in a rough place for quite some time-- hence my Tumblr absence. Not that the self-disclosure is really needed, but my grandma is in really bad shape with her cancer and I’ve been trying to make things work with a guy who very well could have been “The One” under non-’Rona circumstances. I’ve been caught in a terrible, anxiety-inducing middle between obviously wanting to date and spend time with a guy who is out in the world everyday, but only being able to do so much without risking my grandma’s health. Aaand kind of mine too. Stupid faulty meatsuit haha. Anyway. Life has been so stinking heavy but this helped a little.]

Keys. 

Mask. 

Wallet. 

Phone.

It was routine now. Dean had gone through the process so many times that his body practically went on autopilot as he grabbed the items on his way out of the motel room he’d checked into late last night.

There were days he thought the guidelines were frustrating, inconvenient, and even a little pointless. He knew he’d probably get the virus at some point anyway and he’d made peace with that. Maybe he’d be able to fight it off just fine, maybe he wouldn’t. But the chances of that happening were like anything else in life. Even if the world had managed to come to an eerie halt, that didn’t mean it applied to people like him and Sam who still had work to do. 

Although he knew he had everything he needed, he checked his pockets again just to be sure. If it were up to him, truthfully he wouldn’t even bother with the mask or the “social distancing” crap. 

But it wasn’t just about him anymore. And he couldn’t afford to take any chances.

Oh, I miss you most at six feet apart when you’re

Right outside my window, but can’t ride inside my car

And it hurts to know just how lovely you are

And be too far away to hold, but close enough to break my heart

I miss your smile

Feels like miles

Six feet apart

Dean pulled into a worn concrete driveway in front of a modest white house. The front porch, which he’d become quite familiar with lately, contained two cast iron chairs and a matching table. He’d never been inside, couldn’t risk the possibility of bringing the virus into her home if he’d unknowingly come into contact with it. While he was constantly on the road chasing cases, she only left the house for treatments, appointments, and intermittent trips to the porch when he could make it back to visit.

He sighed heavily, putting the car in park before turning to glare at the offending bit of fabric on the leather seat beside him. He hated wearing that stupid mask. Hated the way the material trapped each breath, circulating the warm air right back to his face. He hated how stuffy and suffocating it felt. Sometimes it even made him feel a little claustrophobic.

But she’d sewn it herself and given it to him so he could stop using t-shirts, bandanas, and any other piece of clothing he could find in his trunk as a makeshift mask each time he came to see her. Sometimes he struggled to keep in mind what a thoughtful gesture it had been. That having to wear it might be annoying, but it really wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. And if a stupid piece of fabric had even a small chance of keeping them safe, then he could deal with it for a few hours, couldn’t he? 

A few hours, he thought sourly. Nowadays they were lucky if they could even get that much time together. But he’d take what he could get.

Reluctantly, he grabbed the mask and looped the elastic bands around each ear. After fussing with the edges, trying in vain to make it fit comfortably, he let his head fall back against the seat in frustration. As he examined the space above him, sinking deeper into his ruminating thoughts, he began to wonder how much longer he could keep this up and if all of this was really worth it.

So far, so far, but so close

Like a star out in the cosmos

Can’t touch the beauty I see

That’s how it feels at six feet

It had been a while since the last time he’d been able to visit her. When the front door opened and two women emerged, he climbed out of the car and walked straight to his usual spot on the overgrown lawn. As he got closer and appraised her condition, he tried to conceal his reaction.

She looked rough. Despite the fuzzy robe she wore, he could tell how feeble her figure was beneath. Her movements were slow and deliberate, making him suspect she may have fallen again recently. He clenched his jaw, recalling how she’d been too weak to pick herself up last time and had remained on the floor until someone came to check on her the next morning. 

With help from the other woman, who he assumed was a new caretaker, she settled into the cushions on one of the chairs. Her chest heaved and her eyes fell closed as she took a moment to recover from the exertion of her short walk. When her eyes finally fluttered open, they were a stark contrast against her sallow skin.  

“Long time, no see,” she teased, her voice a hoarse whisper.

Dean nodded. “How’re you feeling today?”

“Can’t complain.”

In a way, he knew she was lying. He had a feeling she was having a rough day, but she was never one to complain. He had quickly learned that no matter what was going on in her life, she was the kind of person who worried about everyone else and put their well-being before her own. He wondered what kind of update the doctor had given her this time, but he was too afraid to ask.

“It’s so good to see you.”

Her gentle admission shook him from his thoughts. The edges of her eyes crinkled and he could just imagine the smile she wore beneath her mask. 

Space and time are interwoven

Well, at least that’s what we’re told

When I was young, I was suspicious, but it’s true

Time sticks like glue

I feel so blue

Here missing you

So I think I’ll build a time machine and go back to a time

When we didn’t need to measure six feet on the ground

When I came around

That’s not allowed

I can’t go back now

He’d never really been the relationship type. He hadn’t been looking for anything when their paths had first crossed, but there was something about her that had captured his interest. The more they’d gotten to know one another, the more he learned just how much they had in common. 

It had made him feel uneasy at first-- how easy she was for him to talk to. She rarely pressed him on anything and she had a way of making him feel comfortable even with the hardest conversations. They’d shared their life stories; their favorite memories, biggest letdowns, family dramas, and everything in between. After all of the monsters they’d each faced in their lives...this one was the deadliest and ugliest he’d ever had to face. And of all the people in the world who didn’t deserve to go through something like this, she topped the list.

Okay, sure, no one really deserved a death sentence. But didn’t it always make it worse that bad things always seemed to happen to good people? 

Dean had beaten leviathans and reapers. He’d taken out loads of vampires, ghouls, and ghosts. He’d ganked more angel and demon douchebags than he could count. But when he had asked her to let him help-- when he’d mentioned what Cas could do or offered to work with Sam to find a spell that might heal her-- she politely declined. She had simply thanked him and explained that it wouldn’t be fair to everyone else fighting for their lives like she was. That her life was in no way more important than anyone else’s. She’d told Dean sometimes these things just happen and have a little faith, you never know.

Dean had of course tried to argue, but he couldn’t quite put into words just how special she was. That she didn’t deserve this and he’d give anything to change their circumstances. At one point he’d even considered tracking down a crossroads demon and making a deal to switch places with her, but he knew she wouldn’t have wanted that. 

No matter how many times he tried to bring it up or how much he wished he could fight this one for her, there was nothing he could do to fight the monster slowly killing her from the inside out.

So, I miss you most at six feet apart when you’re

Right outside my window, but can’t ride inside my car

And it hurts to know just how lovely you are

And be too far away to hold, but close enough to break my heart

I miss your smile

Feels like miles

Six feet apart

It seemed like there was never enough time. They’d talked all afternoon and neither one of them were ready to say goodbye but, when she suddenly shivered, he knew it was time for him to leave. It wasn’t cold outside by any means, but it took a lot more to keep her warm these days.

He couldn’t help but linger a little longer, admiring her from where he still sat in the grass. Sometimes just being in her presence helped ease a little of the hopelessness he always seemed to grapple with. It was starting to take a toll on him-- not knowing if things would ever get better or if the world would ever return to some sense of normalcy.

What he wanted more than anything was to walk right up on the porch and wrap his arms around her. It didn’t make sense how much he ached to just be near her. He’d never admit it out loud, but it was almost physically painful how much he wanted to reach out and touch her-- to hug her, kiss her, or even see her smile without their stupid masks.

But she was barely holding on and he knew her body was fighting every moment of the day just to keep her alive. 

He hated wearing his mask. He hated how he could be so close to her and still feel so far away. He hated not being able to hold her and he hated that there didn’t seem to be an end or a solution in sight for the state of the world at the moment. He hated that she was dying and there was nothing he could do about it. And he especially hated the fact that the universe had to have a pretty damn cruel sense of humor to let him meet someone like her in a time like this. Even though he was fed up with feeling like he was stuck in another one of Gabriel’s twisted, incessant pranks...the thought of walking away and not having her in his life at all was far worse. 

So he took it one day at a time. He knew there was a chance he might get the virus at some point and usually he was ready to accept whatever cards fate dealt him. Maybe he’d be able to fight it off, maybe he wouldn’t. But she wouldn’t be able to. And he knew if he slipped up, if he somehow managed to pass it along, that that would be the end for her.

He hated a lot of things lately and he wasn’t sure if they’d ever really go away. But there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that every single inconvenience and moment of frustration was worth it for him to be able to spend time with her-- even six feet apart.

***

Dean was staring up at the ceiling, unable to fall back asleep. The nightmares didn’t come as often anymore but, when they did...well, they were no walk in the park. He let out a sharp breath, squeezing his eyes shut as he pushed the images of her sunken face from his mind.

The movement had jostled her, and he hugged her closer when she began to stir. He placed a gentle kiss on top of her head and she hummed softly as she nestled further into his chest.

When they were in the thick of it, it had been so hard to see a way out. To believe they’d be okay or ever have a shot at actually being together. To believe there would be an end to the virus or that there was any chance she could get better. 

Sometimes those dark days, when all hope seemed lost, felt like nothing more than a distant nightmare. But Dean refused to let himself forget. Maybe it was morbid, but every moment with her felt a little bit sweeter when he reminded himself of how grim those days had been and of everything they’d had to overcome. When he remembered everything she’d had to endure.

It was honestly a miracle that he was lucky enough to hold her in his arms like this. Everyone had asked him on numerous occasions if he’d done something, but even he didn’t have an explanation. He really didn’t care whether it was faith or something supernatural or even just one of life’s unexplained mysteries-- all that mattered was that she was healthy and alive. 

So he kept the memories of those days close and promised himself he’d never take the time he had with her for granted. They had made it through one of the darkest times in either of their lives and he had no doubt they’d face more in the future. But, with her by his side, he had faith they’d find a way to make it through those days too.

So far, so far, but so close

Like a star out in the cosmos

Can’t touch the beauty I see

That’s how it all feels to me

So far, so far, but so close

Like a star out in the cosmos

Can’t touch the beauty I see

That’s how it feels at six feet

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#dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #supernatural #spn #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fics #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fan fic #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fan fiction #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #supernatural fic #spn fic #supernatural fan fic #supernatural fanfic #spn fan fic #spn fanfic #supernatural fics #spn fics #dean fic #dean fics #dean fanfic #dean fan fic #dean fanfiction #dean fan fiction #coronavirus #rona #covid #covid 19

[sunnymenagerie]

RuPaul's Drag Race: Where Was Pink Slip?

Tina was right...there….and RuPaul really went and sent home a queen that was on the rise and not the one that’s been in quicksand from day one?

The remaining eight queens reached the makeover challenge and because of Miss Rona, could not makeover anyone from the outside world, so they were paired off by a psychic - yeah - and told to makeover one another in their drag style. First though, what the fuck was up with the psychic, and did anyone else feel like RuPaul wasn’t in the room with them? He looked like he was in front of a green screen the entire time and the psychic? Random.

She went from talking about Tina’s never-there-father to Utica’s dead cow. Again, random. Like, can we not act shocked that this lady knew things that they probably said online or in their audition videos? Anyways...Dollar Tree Miss Cleo paired the girls off in teams of two based on who could learn the most from one another. Unfortunately for the uptight Rose that meant getting down with the red, yellow, and orange-hued loosey-goosey Tina Burner. I went into this worried for Rose because they were going to be judged as a pair this week and well, that first look Tina put Rose in was a hot fucking mess. However, what she walked down the runway in was somehow worse!

Speaking of worried, from the preview last week I knew Symone and Utica were going to be quite the pair, and with one of them just having visited the bottom two...I didn’t know if that was going to deflate the small-town queen or ignite her. Right after we watched her rock an afro made of squirrels as if not to appropriate a white man with an afro, we watched her become very wary of stepping into the fierce heels of Symone because like all of Symone’s runways, her makeover one was unapologetically Black. Inspired by the Halle Berry cult classic ‘BAPS,’ Utica was either going to fucking serve or wind up lip-syncing for the second time in a row, and we all know it would’ve been her last. However, it wasn’t just on Utica’s fear of being canceled, because Utica’s look and runway walk is just as hard to imitate, especially for a fashion queen like her partner. Thankfully this pairing fucking worked, which is something I can’t say for Olivia and Denali.

Three of the pairs were pretty evenly matched in terms of size, especially Olivia and Denali, so I thought...these girls have it the easiest. Plus, they’re gorgeous and seem easy to paint. I guess when you assume it’s too easy, it’s actually well - let’s just say that one’s makeup was questionable, and the other was lacking a tiny purse. Unlike Denali and Olivia, Gottmik and Kandy Muse faced the hardest challenge based on their size difference. Nothing in Gottmik’s bags was going to fit her season 13 sister and they knew they were going to have to create something on the fly, and take another garment in. They were safe, but honestly - I didn’t live for Kandy’s look which...

In terms of the challenge, the judges weren’t wrong to declare Symone and Utica the winners of this week’s challenge. They embraced one another’s not only aesthetic but actually learned what they were supposed to from it. Plus, neither of them let their sister walk out there looking like a fool. Symone was engulfed in the oddities that make Utica standout, while Symone’s aura oozed out of Utica with every confident step she took. The judges had been waiting for weeks for Utica to serve fashion and tonight she did. Who didn’t fare well, most of the other girls. I will say that Rose did as best she could with what she had given Tina was her partner. This was the second time in 10 weeks that Tina’s looked okay. Rose...oh Rose, here’s where we have a case of someone letting their sister look horrendous.

Look, there were several weeks during this season where Tina Burner wore only three prominent colors for her brand. So when it came time to dress Rose like her, where the hell were the reds, yellows, and oranges? She went out looking like the blacklisted queen from season 12. It didn’t feel like Tina at all, and I feel like Tina should’ve been in the bottom two alongside Olivia since Miss Lux didn’t really put herself into Denali’s look. Which, Denali looked good - better than Olivia in my opinion, but…ya know. As for Gottmik and Kandy, I thought Gottmik looked great but I expected her to give us more of a New York City, Bronx look instead of a Harley Davidson Model. Then there’s Kandy, the makeup was good but I thought we’d see the actual Gottmik face. I was left underwhelmed with those two but agreed that they’d be rightfully safe as they were just...

Ugh, judging in pairs was such a mistake because, in the end, the wrong girl went home. Olivia and Tina should have been trying to save their ass with Mary Mary, but alas...Denali was in the bottom and despite two strong ass back-to-back top three placements - Ru sent her skating. I didn’t think Denali was going to make the top four, but I didn’t see her leaving before her makeover partner or Tina.

Next week is another acting challenge. The one where they have to sell an item, and while Utica just won a challenge, we all know she’s not the best in these situations. Even though she has all that improv to her name. Next week could either be the week she or Tina finally shines on their own, or we could be seeing them in the bottom.

Makeover Looks Ranked:

Utica: Once she got out of her head, she finally brought her runway to new heights

Symone: For as weird as it was, that headpiece was so Coachella, acid trip beautiful

Gottmik: It was a nice fit, I just wasn’t a fan of the print

Denali: She looked great but it just wasn’t Olivia Lux

Tina Burner: Rose should dress her more often

Olivia Lux: She looked like a used loofa

Rose: The face was a mess and the outfit was tragic

Kandy Muse:

Week 10 Rankings & Reasonings:

Symone - With another win under her belt, we’re heading into an acting challenge. There is no way she is going anywhere anytime soon - unless they surprise them with a sewing AND singing challenge!

Gottmik - Safe this week, but she still killed her runway and like Symone, knows how to deliver in an acting challenge

Rose - Rose being near the bottom this week was not her fault. She made over Tina the best she could, and with the acting challenge being a solo game - she has a chance to outshine her competitors

Olivia - Yes, most of the girls said her name when asked who should go home but as someone who bounces back and forth on the spectrum between bottom and top, I don’t think she’s close to leaving us quite yet

Kandy Muse - Her personality will lead her to another week on the show

Utica - One win to her name doesn't mean anything, especially when she’s gotta act next? We’ve all seen her bomb before in challenges like this so it’s going to be interesting to see if she actually grasps the concept of Drag Race humor

Tina Burner -

#rupauls drag race #drag race #gottmik #symone #tina burner #olivia lux #rose #denali #kandy muse #utica #tv review #tv recap #television #vh1 #drag queens

[jungcity]

from saint. | love, eternal.

7:08 AM. 20** 

What should I call you? But hi, diary. I am Saint. Saint Jung. Son of Jung Jaehyun and Y/N Jung. Today, I am seven years old. I asked Daddy Taeyong to buy me a really, really, really old diary. I don’t know where he found you, but I am glad to write on you. 

Mom is busy, so is Dad. They said seventh birthday is important and must be grandiose (I hope I spelled that right). But to be honest, I want it to be as simple as possible. Since I am not really comfortable with parties. Dad insists I should wear suit (it’s itchy), but Mom only laughed at him and told me I should wear something casual.

Mom has been cooking all night long for my birthday. Dad said we could order food in a restaurant, or we could contact a famous chef from Seoul to cook my birthday dishes. I don’t know if this is my birthday or my parents’. I hope that doesn’t sound disrespectful. 

Yesterday, my zipper’s bag snapped open because of its content. Gladly, I am already inside the limo when it happened. My classmates had thrown me an advanced birthday party at school. Judy, Heidi, Gale, and Anika gave me tons of chocolates. I hope I could eat it all but I have to share some for my family. Mom wouldn’t be pleased if I ever get toothache. 

That’s it for today, diary. 

P.S.: I heard Mom and Dad talking about my angel blood last night. I didn’t understand one bit of their conversation. But I hope I will, someday. 

—

8:26 PM, 20** 

Hi, diary. This is Saint Jung once again. We have written letters for our moms today. Miss Rona was pleased to read mine. She said the letter does not look like it came from a seven year old. Oh, I know, you’d like to read one of the excerpts of my letter right? 

Well, here it is: Mom, thank you for shining like a star in our lives. You are the light in the darkness. I love you. And Dad. 

That’s it. Was it too cheesy? I have to give the letter to Mom. I hope she does not cringe. 

—

3:11 PM, 20** 

This is Saint Jung. I already gave the letters to my Mom. She cried. So hard. I was afraid Dad would scold me when he returned from work. But he only sat with me on the veranda.

It’s odd. Because I was wearing my pajamas and Dad was wearing his suit. Someday, I’d like to be just like him.

He wasn’t mad. In fact, he was glad. And we’ve exchanged stories until I fell asleep. 

“Mom cried,” Saint said, lips quivering. Jaehyun’s heart thudded because of his son’s face. He couldn’t believe this bundle of happiness is his own flesh and blood. 

“Because she was so happy to read your letter,” He patted Saint on his head. 

“Really?” the little boy asked, wiping his eyes off tears. Whenever he looked at his son, it was always like seeing the little version of him.

“Come here, bud.” He smiled. Saint sniffed before sitting on his lap, still wiping his eyes. 

“Did I hurt Mom?” 

Jaehyun let out a chuckle, “Of course, not. You made her so happy today. I am so proud of you, Saint.” 

Then he kissed the little boy on the cheek. Saint giggled, flashing Jaehyun his two deep dimples. 

“Will you write Daddy a letter, too?” He asked, hugging his son tighter. 

“Of course, Daddy.” 

The both of them held each other under the stars. With his arms draped around Saint, and the little hands of his son hugging his torso. They stayed like that for an hour. Exchanging little stories about Jaehyun’s work and Saint’s school. 

“One day, I hope you’ll be happy as I am, Saint.” No response. Then Jaehyun heard soft snores from the little boy. He chuckled. Then he carried his son to his bed, tucked him in, and kissed his forehead. 

—

 9:14 PM. 20** 

Summer vacation has started. And we are here in Greece. All of us. Including my other daddies and Mama Yuqi, and Mama Chaelin. Mama Yuqi brought Zion with him. 

Zion, he is my cousin. Mama Yuqi and Daddy Lucas’ son. He told me we should go explore Greece on our own. That boy. If I inherited my Dad’s silent demeanor, Zion inherited Daddy Lucas’ extroverted side. No wonder Mama Yuqi’s always on edge with him. 

But of course, I said no to his offer. You might call me a bore. And I might be a bore. I just do not want to worry Mom. Dad would never like that. Mama Yuqi said Dad is the human embodiment of petrifying when he’s angry. 

 — 

 8:56 PM. 20** 

Dad and Mom fought. Over apples. I don’t know if I should laugh, or cry. It’s their first time fighting. And it’s… because of an apple that wasn’t precisely cut. 

I stumbled upon Mom and Dad hissing at the kitchen. 

“You’ve been doing this for so long, chérie.” Dad said, frustration was clear in his voice. 

“Why are you so sensitive today?” Mom asked. 

Dad sighed of frustration, “Because—” 

“Mom? Dad? Are you fighting?” 

It was obvious that they were. But Mom quickly hugged Dad and pretended to wipe his mouth. “You are so like a child when you eat!” She pinched Dad on his cheek, and I know that hurts. 

“We’re not, baby.” Dad said through his dimpled smile. 

I shrugged and walked straight to the refrigerator and grabbed some milk. “Dad, what is ‘fuck’?”

By my words, Mom gasps. Dad choked on his apple.

“Where did you learn that word?” Mom asked, kneeling in front of me. 

“Zion said it’s a magic word,” I told her, cupping the box of milk with my little hands. 

Mom turned to Dad, “Call Lucas.” She said. Then she looked at me, “That’s a bad word, honey.” 

I blinked, “Is it Mom? But Zion said it is a holy word. Because fuck creates babies.” 

“Call. Lucas. Now!” Mom repeated, there was a warning in her voice that made Dad dashed for the telephone. 

After that, Zion didn’t talk to me for weeks. Because according to him, I ‘betrayed’ our friendship. But then came his birthday, and my gift, he could not possibly say no to that. And he ended up forgiving me. 

 —

 1:37 AM, 20** 

Hi, this is Saint Jung. You’re probably wondering why I wrote this in such late time. I am now eighteen. Eighteen means parties, girls, and trouble. I just came back from one of Zion’s party. Uncle Lucas, (it’s odd to call him Daddy) and Mama Yuqi had gone to another country to celebrate their anniversary. Leaving their house to Zion’s hands. 

Zion. Alone. Mansion. What did I expect?

It was a mess. There was trouble. Zion made out with different girls tonight. 

But I didn’t. No. I did. I did make out with one girl from my class. Her name’s Veina. (Mom will prolly scold me for this)

We made out. And I think… this is so odd. I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be writing this on here.

But her lips, damn, it was like velvet cake against mine. She smelled like lavender with a mix of strawberry. I could not name her scent exactly. She was unique. 

 — 

 3:42 AM, 20** 

I got into a car accident. Right. The good boy Saint in an accident? A nightmare. 

Mom was angry. Dad was furious. 

I feel like shit when Mom cried at the hospital, I hate seeing her cry. And I hate myself to be the one causing her tears. All of my uncles has paid me a visit, with a lot of scolding and pinching ears. Uncle Doyoung was beyond furious, even furious than Dad. With what happened, he postponed giving me a Ferrari. Right. He promised me that car, months ago. But Saint has been a bad boy. 

Zion was laughing and rolling on the floor when he visited me. The only thing that stopped him was the shout of Mama Yuqi. 

And yes. I’d hate to say this, since I don’t want to sound so self-centered and narcissistic, but yeah, a lot of girls had been on the hospital to visit me. Of course, rudeness isn’t in my vocabulary. And I’d feel an absolute jerk if I didn’t show kindness to the girls. Mom is a girl. A woman. Call me old-school, but I believe that when you hurt a girl, it would be like hurting your own mom. 

After all the commotion, Dad sat beside me. While Mom sleeps on the sofa. He sat beside me and I swear, my breath hitched when I saw tears in his eyes. Dad never cried. Or so I thought. 

“Be careful next time,” was his words, before leaning in to me and kissing my forehead. 

I know. Don’t judge me diary. I know it’s cheesy, and unmanly-like. But that’s my Dad. He’s loved every fiber of my being ever since I was born. 

 — 

 11:23 PM, 20** 

I got into a fight. And we had to move houses because of the trouble I’d been into. Worrying Mom is on the very least of my priority. But I guess I’ve been born to worry her. 

Some dickbag in school called Dad an alien. I have to be honest, Mom looked like she’s near her forties. Yet Dad looked like a twenty-three year old man. It doesn’t make sense to me, either. But hearing my Dad being called an alien has sparked an anger inside me I didn’t know existed. 

So I threw the punch. And I hit him until he’s a bloody mess on the school hallway’s floor. Bad temper, I must admit. 

And now we are here. Far from the city. In the middle of the forest. Near Uncle Doyoung’s mansion. Right.

Yes, Zion laughed at me until his chest hurts that he needed a nebulizer to help him breathe again. 

 — 

 4:09 AM. 20**

This is Saint Jung. Twenty-one at long last. I want you to know, diary, that I am writing this entry with bloodshot eyes and alcohol drowning my lungs.

It’s my first time to drink like this. 

But what would you do if your mother and father told you that you’re half-mortal, half-angel? And that you would live a long life. Without a mother. And that your mother would be reincarnated someday? But the take is that she won’t be able to remember you. 

It’s fucked up. It’s beyond me. 

But now I understand. I understand why I seem to have this divinity inside me. Why I could run faster than Zion even in his wolf form. Damn, I should’ve known that something is up with me too, when Zion admitted that he is half-wolf, half-human to me.

I should’ve asked Dad when I felt my system convulsing with power. Of strength. Of something I did not understand then. 

Dad. Wait, diary, I have to process this one. Give me a minute to breathe.

Dad is Lucifer. Right. The banished angel from heaven. The morningstar. The Prince of hell. He is a f u c k i n g angel. And I am a f u c k i n g nephilim. I would’ve ended up not believing it, if only Dad didn’t show his wings. Fuck. Sorry for the curses Mom. I had to.

I couldn’t process this in one night. But I need to. So Mom would never cry in front of my door again. Begging me to open it. 

 — 

 2:29 AM. 20** 

Mom and I, we’ve talked. She showed me a picture of a girl with black hair and blue eyes and told me she was Aurora. Mom said it was her one hundred years ago.

Why am I only knowing all about this now? I don’t have any idea. But I am glad they deemed me worthy for this mind-boggling information. 

Aurora was Mom’s face one hundred years ago. Aurora’s reincarnation was Mom today. 

Mom said she would die one day. Her face would disappear from this world, but her soul will not. She said, with tears in her eyes, that I should wait for her to be back. I should wait for her be reincarnated again. 

She’s my mother. She’s my everything. She’s the only flower in my garden. And Dad. Of course, I will wait for her even it takes her a thousand years to be back.

It hurts. I know that sounds weak. But it hurts. I am hurt. I don’t want to wake up one day without her. I think I’d rather die than be parted away from her. 

“Saint,” Dad called out from behind my door. I stood up and laid the controller on the bed. 

“A minute?” He asked. I nodded and guided him towards the veranda. It was frightening, to see Dad. He was so like me I always thought I’m looking at the mirror every time I stand face to face with him. He could pass as my doppelgänger. No joke. 

“How are you, Saint?” He looked at the horizon of gleaming lights far away from us. 

I propped my arms on the railings before answering, “Wrecked.” There’s no point in lying. Dad could smell a shit from miles away. 

“I was like that when I knew about your mother’s real identity,” He smiled a bitter one at me. “Pushed her away. Like a douchebag in a cliché novel, said your Mama Chaelin.” Then he shook his head while sighing, “But where did all those pushing led me? Back to her.” 

“That’s romantic, Dad. But forgive me if I am too hurt to comprehend.” I admitted. 

Dad put his arms around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. “We have to be strong for your Mom,”

Surprisingly, a hot feeling around my eyes blurred my vision. It took me a while to realized that I was crying. “I can’t lose Mom, Dad. I can’t.” was what I said between sobs.

Dad held me tighter and closer while I sob that night. 

Losing Mom would be my downfall. It is the bane of my existence. I would simply shut down once it happens. 

 — 

 That was Saint’s last entry. He never continued his diary ever again after knowing the truth.

#love eternal #bonus chapter #sobbing #i love the pain #ctto 🤍

[caughtinkorea]

Along the Way Continued

So, about Ulsan....

He was a constantly reoccurring person the last year of my stay in Korea. I was looking back at a post I made when I first met him and this boy.... ugh.... he’s that pain you get every now and then in the back of your neck lol. He loves dysfunction. I really truly believe he gets a kick out of it.

He was the one who when we first met was arguing back and forth with me, but somehow we ended up still going out on a date. I don’t even understand how that happened. The date was cool. We talked about a lot of different things, mainly politics. I don’t think I have ever met someone so opposite from me in my life, but still everything went relatively well. But like kboys do, he ghosted. At that point I didn’t even care because I was doing the single ready to mingle thing. I had already scheduled a couple dates beforehand. So, outta sight, outta mind. Then he popped up again 2 months later, the night I had those 2 run ins with the k-cops. That was a wild mess of a night.

Anyway, Jazz ended up meeting him because of all that transpired. When everything ended in a big blow up that night he ended up taking a taxi together with Jazz because their places were in the same direction. Jazz told me he was a weirdo lmao. I said I know. He is weird, but in a strangely entertaining way. Which is why whenever he’d message me I’d still entertain it. It’s a weird I don’t necessarily mind because he’s not necessarily creepy. He’s just weird lol. I send my friends some of the things he writes me and they also get a good laugh out of it.

So after that night we met one more time in which I walked away calling him a coward because he was acting like such. Every few months he would message me just to check in. When I finally left for good to the US he called me when I was visiting NYC. He asked where I was and I told him I was back on American soil. He thought I was lying even though I let him know before that I was leaving Korea. I was annoyed. What were the chances he’d pop up when Bond was on a visit and I was staying with Jazz? -_- Jazz doesn’t like him so she wanted to curse him out when she found out he called lol. He still didn’t want to believe I had left for good so we ended the convo with him still thinking I was lying to him. A few months later he messages me again asking where I’m at. Bruh, what is wrong with you? My living arrangements have not changed. I’m still in the US, at Target at the moment. So he asked me to video chat with him so I can show him where I’m at. -_- I do it because I’m tired of the nonsense, and so we can put this subject to rest. I guess it was at that point it finally dawned on him and he believed it. We messaged a few times after this, but it was never anything really serious.

Fast forward to earlier this year. He started messaging me out of the blue again. I was just going to ignore him, but his question was so ridiculous. He asked if I was mixed. 

I was curious wtf made him ask me that out of the blue. Like huh??? Apparently he saw me with a picture of my mom and thought she is Asian.

I told him just because my mom is light skin doesn’t mean she’s not black....

To cut him a little slack, my mom gets confused for everything. When she was in Mexico they thought she was Mexican. She’s also been thought to be mixed (black and white) and apparently Asian.

I was thoroughly entertained so I strung him along as he demanded to know what Asian she is lmao. I had to y’all. XD I eventually cleared it up for him.

“Hold up! Wait. Why do you know how my mom looks? Are you stalking me?” He said no and that I had forgotten that I still had a pic up on my kakao story with my mom. OOOooohhhh lol..... Wait. Why are you checking out my kakao story? O_o

Tell me why this boy said he stumbled on to some Korean ambw youtube videos and started thinking of me.....

See! That’s that weird stuff I’m talking about. 

I asked him why he always kept messaging me out of nowhere(now for years). He said he wanted to reconcile. He wanted to make sure we didn’t lose contact, and that he missed me and wanted to mend things. 

For the next several days he messaged and called me and was just really curious about black issues. He asked a lot of questions, and it was apparent that he was genuinely curious and wanted to get to know me even better.

I don’t know where this all came from, but when he started asking all these questions it hit me....

I asked, “Wait.....do you like me?”

He said yes. I was not expecting him to be so direct and straight forward. He said he didn’t know exactly when he realized it, but he missed me a lot.

But like, who confesses over 2 years later??? -_-

I guess he had been struggling with his feelings this whole time. It must of been this rona that gave him the courage after realizing life is short and unpredictable. He started worrying about me, wondering what I was doing, asking if I was vaccinated and to be careful, saying he planned to come over to the US and wanted to stay and travel around together for a month. Boy bye. Said he’d cook for me ... hold on now... I mean I guess some arrangements can be made XD. I kid.

After more communicating together over time he said he took me for granted, was apologetic..... and said he loved me.

I was super annoyed. -_- Koreans will throw these words around so easily rendering it meaningless. I said “Don’t you dare say that to me!” I was so angry. So he told me he really meant it. Whatever -_-

Anyway, about a week ago I told him it’s best we just end whatever this is. He calls me because he knows I’m serious and when I tell him something he knows to believe me now.

After what I told him will be our last call I tell him I’m ready to close that chapter of my life. He asks if there will be a season 2(another chapter for us) and for me to please wait for it. I say I don’t think it’s meant to be. He said he didn’t want us to end, and that he’d realized I was good for him. Says if he can afford it, season 2 will begin for us. He tells me to just wait until after summer because he’s super busy now. What happens after summer? I believe that’s when he graduates with his Ph.D. in Law and takes the bar. It makes sense since when we first met that’s when he started his Ph.D. He always played dumb, but when we got into deep conversation I’d realize just how intelligent he really was by some of the things he’d say. He tells me wherever I decide to move to he will go to meet me.

The pettiness in me is happy he’s come to this realization and wants him to live with regret for the rest of his life thinking what could have been between us. I just decided to wish him a happy life and not wait for us. It is what it is.

So he said he loved me one last time and we wished each other good luck in life. It was closure I was happy to have gotten.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #290

“you’re a little pistol, & i’m fuckin’ pistol-whipped.”

What’s the biggest argument you’ve ever had with a family member? Did things ever go back to how they were beforehand? Definitely something with Mom. The biggest was probably in the car one night where she got so mad at me that she tried to kick me out of the car. No, I didn't listen. I don't really remember exactly what we were arguing about... other than it was something small that blew up about bigger themes. Have you ever experienced some kind of natural disaster? Hurricanes. If you have pets, do you feed them human food or do they just get regular pet food? If they do get human food, what’s their favorite thing to have? Roman only gets cat food. He's actually really well-trained about not taking human food after he did once as a kitten. Now he might just sniff around curiously and give it a look, but food can be pretty close to him and he doesn't go for it. Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who won? No. What were you lighting the last time you used a lighter or matches? Probably a candle. What’s the mode of transport that you take or use the most? Mom's car. Are there any sequels to things that you prefer to the original? I'm sure. Oh, Shrek comes to mind; I love the original, but the second is my favorite. What games do you play on your phone, if any at all? Just Pokemon GO, really. I have a couple others up there just for my niece and nephew to play. Aside from family, who was the last person you spent time with? How do you know that person? miss rona doesn't allow "hanging out." Do you spend a lot of money on your appearance? No. Have you ever had a zoo keeper experience or anything where you’ve been able to go behind the scenes and look after/feed the animals? I wish! :( Do you have an item that is your good luck charm? No. Your favorite thing about your job (or school)? N/A Least favorite thing about your job (or school)? N/A Do you have a "funny" toenail? No. Favorite canned soup? Meh, not a soup person. Do you have a particular coffee mug you drink from? No. Your take on declawing cats? It's cruel as fuck and you're despicable if you think it's all good and well to torture your cat like that. Do you have smoke detectors in your home? Yeah. What was your favorite snuggle toy when you were a child? First it was my little stuffed bunny that held a polka-dotted blanket, but through most of my childhood I cuddled a stuffed moose I got from Ohio at Cabela's. Brownie is still on top of my dresser. :') What did you do on your first date? Got Sonic and saw Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance in the theater. I had the weirdest first date in that he invited my mom lmao. I still count it as our first one, though. The last time you let someone go, was it to make yourself happy or them? Myself. Who was the last person that could tell something was wrong with you? My ma. Have you ever thought about online dating? If so, were you desperate? Well I had a long-distance relationship, but it wasn't through a dating app or anything. Had one of those once and am mortified by it (even though no one shoud be), but no, I wouldn't have called myself "desperate." I was just incredibly lonely. Do you try not to take a lot of medicine or do you take it whenever? I just take it if I need it, honestly. I've been medicated pretty heavily most of my life, so whatever. Are you ever scared of people reading your survey answers? I wouldn't put them out there if I was. Would you ever go back to your most recent ex? That's the plan if things go ideally, but I'm not letting my hopes get too high. It'll be nice if that happened, but I'll still live on if not. What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)? She has lots of pets. There's Martha, Crowley, Little Dot, Jane Marie, Doris, Buster, Mango, and for her fish, I only know the one pleco's name: Raisha. When was the last time you got a splinter? I'm not sure. Are there any spiders in your room right now? I mean, probably. Somewhere. Have you ever taken a picture while laying in the grass? Not of myself. Who’s your favorite Disney charater? Dory. Are there any framed pictures of you in your house? In family shots, yes. What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Pokemon. Do you and your friends normally say you love one another? Definitely. How often would you say you get sick? Almost never. Let's not jinx it. Is there anything you get for free as a benefit for being a member of something? No. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016 was a year I'd wish upon absofuckinglutely nobody. Do you think bald guys are attractive? It would depend on the person? I don't find them inherently unattractive or attractive. If you don’t recognize the number of who’s calling, do you answer anyway? Nope. How do you pronounce route? "Rowt" What's the last thing you looked at under a microscope? Something during a biology lab when I was still in school. We looked at a number of stuff. Pretty cool. What internet service provider do you have? ... We just moved and changed providers and I already don't remember. Do you ever hear of something disgusting that you haven’t seen, so you go and look it up? This is very rare. If something is *disgusting*, I don't exactly wanna see it. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be? I'd have to think on this. I'm not opposed to a subtle face tat anyway, maybe near my ear or eye. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No... but I've always kinda wanted a partner to lmao that's cute as fuck. Who was the last person you were “in a relationship with” on Facebook (including anyone you may have put “in a relationship with” for a joke)? Sara. Were you ever “the other man/woman”? How did it turn out? How do you feel about it today? No, and I never would be. What do you think of open relationships? If your partner suggested it, what would you say? Not for me whatsoever, but it works for some people. I'd honestly leave the relationship because I'd feel like I wasn't good enough. Would you ever date out of your race? I have before, would do it again with no problems. Have you ever had a reptile for a pet? Oh, plenty! Did you have a swing set when you were a kid? Yes. Swings were my favorite outdoor "toy" as a kid. What is a book that you really want to read? The Testaments by Margaret Atwood. I fucking adore The Handmaid's Tale and I literally have the book, I'm just too into WoF to make time for it. What is something that you really want to try, whether it’s a hobby, food, etc.? A lot of things. I guess to name one... wow, now that I'm actually thinking, nothing is coming to me, lmao. What sort of things do you like to post or look at on Tumblr? Mark-related stuff, what a shocker. What type of people are you usually attracted to? "Different," but not in a super weird-you-out way. I like clearly unique, truly one-of-a-kind people. What song are you listening to at the moment? "Watching For Comets" by Skillet is on. I'm surprised I feel okay listening to it. How often do you take naps and how long do they usually last? Almost daily. They can be an hour or two... embarrassingly, haha. Who’s one person who changed how you viewed something? Hannah Hart on gay rights. How many pillows do you like to sleep with? Two. What was the best conversation you’ve had recently? I dunno. Have you ever considered modeling? Nooooooooooo sir. When was the last time you did something daring? ME? DARING? Who in the world knows. List five of your favorite foreign foods. Uhhhh. 1.) This requires a lot of thinking and 2.) I'm very uninformed in what is *actually* truly foreign food that I've eaten and not just an American adaptation. I'm not very adventurous with foods, either, especially when I know it's "foreign." What types of seafood are your favorite? I just like shrimp. Do you write a lot for pleasure? I wouldn't say "a lot" anymore. Do you like bacon? Oh yeah. Do you like Rammstein? Hell yeah, they're in my favorites list. Have you ever been to a State Fair? Maybe, but I don't think so. Do you like YouTube? Maaan, I don't know what I'd do without it lmao. If so what's your favorite channel? I like that Mark R. Pliers guy a little bit, and lately I've really been digging Snake Discovery and Hazelnuttygames. Good Mythical Morning/Rhett and Link are deep, deep in my heart still, even though I don't watch them anymore. There is truly a *lot*, it's why I don't need television, haha. What is your favorite small dog breed? Papillons, probably. When was the last time you went through a McDonald's Playplace? Oh yikes, no clue. I definitely haven't ~really~ been in one since I was much younger (uhhhh and smaller), but I do have a faint memory of starting to go in one chasing after a kid. Maybe my nephew when he and his dad visited? idr What was the first comic book you ever had an obsession over? I was never into comics. Do you like kids pop-up books? BITCH you are LYING if you say you don't like looking at the cool effects lmao. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. Have you ever punched somebody? No. Can you sing opera? Oh, definitely not. Who was the last person you video-called with? Have you done this more often since COVID hit? My therapist, and you could say that, considering I never did before because I hate video calls. If you have pets, when was the last time one of them annoyed you? What happened? Roman (my cat) was just playing too rough with my hand. He's always hyper in the morning. When was the last time you took a dog out for a walk? Is this your own dog or did you borrow someone else’s? Wow... it's been many years. I walked Teddy sometimes, but that definitely slowed down and eventually came to a halt as he aged and his joints got bad; he would hesitate going down the porch steps, and I didn't want him to get too tired mid-walk and then have to go up them. Have you ever been the victim of a theft or robbery? What was stolen? Did the police ever catch the person who did it? No, thankfully. Are you a fan of garlic bread? Do you eat it on its own or as part of a bigger meal? Garlic bread would ruin my life if I let it, lmao. It's always a side. When was the last time your area was under some kind of weather warning? Did it end up being as bad as predicted? There was literally a tornado warning three days ago. I don't think so, no, but then again I didn't really look into it. Do you prefer having the blinds/curtains open or closed when you’re at home? Does it depend on the weather or the time of day? OPEN. You NEED natural light, I promise. I used to like my room as dark as possible in my worst times, but I am so glad I cut that out. I like, feel a part of me lighten up when I open my blinds in the morning. Who was the last person to tag you in something on social media? How do you know that person? My mom shared something that reminded her of Roman. Have you ever eaten a Big Mac? No; I don't like lettuce in my burgers, so I'm sure I wouldn't like it. What brand is your vacuum cleaner? I'd have to check. Where was your favorite hangout as a kid? So at my childhood home, down the road was a "stream" (aka a ditch and drainage pipe going underneath the road) that usually had at least some water in it, but if it rained, it really started to feel more like a real stream to us kids because of the movement. It drained into the pond just beyond the woods, and my sisters and some neighbors loved to play around that area. What’s your favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni,ig. Which sport do you suck at the most? All of 'em lol. My hand-eye coordination is awful, and hell no can I run. Are you good at rapping? I've never tried, but I'm certain I wouldn't be. I stutter so badly, and it's been getting worse. Can you say the alphabet in more than one language? I know it in German. Do you eat three meals a day? It varies. What do you want out of life? Fulfillment. To feel like I did something worthwhile.

#survey #surveys #quiz #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''pistol whipped" by marilyn manson

[emmerrr]

"I think I’m in love with you and that scares the hell out of me" or "I dreamt about you last night" for pynch :)

why not both tbh. also these are supposed to be short drabbles I don’t know what happened :/

(thank you for prompting me!

Adam wakes with a start, jolting upright, heart racing.

He looks to his right to find the other side of the bed empty, and when he reaches out a hand, it’s cold.

Ronan sleeps odd hours and often likes to get chores done early, so it’s not completely out of the ordinary for him not to be there, but Adam can’t deny that he prefers not to wake up alone.

He can’t help the unease as he drags himself out of bed and pulls on a discarded pair of sweats and the nearest hoodie, both of which are Ronan’s. He pads down the stairs but everything is quiet, which means Ronan and Opal are somewhere outside.

Adam stands in the kitchen for a moment and shivers slightly. It’s Saturday morning, and it’s not quite seven; he normally wouldn’t be up for at least another couple of hours. So it’s not particularly fair of him to be annoyed that Ronan wasn’t in bed, and that he’s not in the house, and that he’s not in Adam’s eyeline right this second.

It was the dream. And that’s all it was. A dream.

Adam drags a hand down his face and, still on edge, tracks down an old pair of Ronan’s wellies. It rained a lot the night before, so they’re definitely needed, and Adam makes his way outside, feeling a small amount of satisfaction at the sound of squelching mud beneath his feet as he begins his search for Ronan.

Admittedly, it doesn’t take long.

He spots them over by one of the back fields; Ronan fixing a broken part of the fence with a toolbox at his feet, Opal running up and down the length of the fence, jumping in every puddle she finds. She’s absolutely covered in mud, and Adam spots Chainsaw perched on the roof of one of the old barns, watching from a safe distance.

Opal spots him first and tears off towards him with an almost birdlike screech. Ronan looks up at her noise, but makes no move towards Adam, and Adam can’t even really tell what his expression is doing yet, he’s not close enough.

It only takes a few seconds for Opal to reach him, and she barrels into him like a miniature battering ram before grabbing his hand and leading him onwards towards Ronan.

“Good morning, Opal,” Adam says, and she gives him a feral grin, all teeth.

She lets go of his hand for the last few feet and starts running along the fence again, her energy boundless. Ronan had been crouched down by the fence but he stands up when Adam gets close enough and gives him a quick once over.

“Parrish. You’re up early.”

Adam shrugs. He’s still tired, so maybe he should have tried to get back to sleep, but he couldn’t help it. He feels unsettled, and he wants comfort, but he doesn’t want to ask for it, and he wants to talk about it but he doesn’t know how to bring it up. He’s upset at Ronan, which he knows isn’t fair.

It was just a dream.

“I woke up and you were gone,” he says at last, and he can’t quite keep the slight accusation out of his tone.

Ronan narrows his eyes for a second, trying to gauge Adam’s mood; trying to figure out if something has happened or if Adam is just cranky because it’s the morning.

His expression quickly evens out. “I’m nearly done here, I was going to come back up when I was finished. Didn’t think you’d miss me.”

Adam crosses his arms. “Well I did.”

Ronan tilts his head to the side in question, asking without actually asking. Adam juts his chin out, defiant, not wanting to give an inch first.

After a moment, Ronan lets out a small, frustrated huff. “What’s wrong?”

Something in Adam’s heart melts a little. Communication remains a thorn in their side, but they’re working on it, and it means the world to Adam that Ronan’s taken the first step this morning. It makes it easier to take the next one.

He moves closer, and Ronan lifts a hand halfway towards Adam’s face before dropping it again, because he’s not sure if they’re in a fight. He never takes anything for granted with Adam.

“It’s stupid,” Adam says. “ But I had a—I dreamt about you last night.”

Ronan’s mouth curves in a salacious smile. “Oh really?”

Adam scowls. “Mind out of the gutter, Lynch, it wasn’t that kind of dream.”

Immediately, Ronan’s expression sobers, and this time he commits to reaching out, cupping Adam’s cheek with a gentle hand. Adam leans into it, breathing in Ronan’s familiar scent. Moss and mist and rain, or something; something unnameable and yet indisputably Ronan.

Ronan knows all about bad dreams.

“What happened? You don’t have to tell me. But if I was in it—”

“It’s okay, I’ll…” Adam reaches up to lightly grip Ronan’s wrist, and together they turn and lean against the sturdier part of the fence, side by side. He lets the silence dangle for a minute while he gathers his thoughts, and Ronan doesn’t push him; he simply waits until Adam is ready.

“It was—it felt real, that’s all, but it was…it was next year.” He swallows. “At college. And you never called. You never visited. And in the break when I came back here…”

“…We fought?” Ronan guesses.

“No,” Adam says, and he’s speaking so quietly now he’s surprised Ronan can still hear him. “It was like you didn’t even care enough to fight. You were right there, and I was right there, and you weren’t angry or sad or anything. You just told me that this—you and me—wasn’t worth your time and you didn’t see the point anymore. And then you asked me to leave.”

Adam’s still looking forward, so he doesn’t exactly see Ronan inch closer, but he’s aware of it.

“Adam,” Ronan starts.

“Don’t apologise,” Adam interrupts, and he lifts his head finally to look at Ronan.

Ronan shakes his head. “I wasn’t gonna.”

“Good. I know that it was just a dream, it wasn’t you. It’s just that it was one of those dreams where I couldn’t tell I was dreaming until I woke up.”

“Love those,” Ronan says dryly, and Adam manages a small smile.

Opal rockets back up to them and she tugs at Adam’s sleeve, holding out a pretty pebble she’s found.

“That’s beautiful,” he tells her, and she beams up at him. There’s bark between her teeth.

“Opal,” Ronan says. “Go and find me five snails.” She growls at him, and more sternly, he says, “Go.”

And she does go, because Opal likes games like this; it’s just that her need to be difficult at all times sometimes gets in the way.

Once she’s out of sight, off in the undergrowth, Ronan takes Adam’s hand and pulls him into his arms.

There is nothing more comforting than this; being utterly surrounded by Ronan, cocooned and warm and safe. Adam pushes his face into Ronan’s shoulder and wraps his arms around Ronan, hands clutching desperately in the back of Ronan’s hoodie. 

“Adam, I know that you know that was only a dream, and so yeah, obviously I’m not gonna fucking apologise for what dream-me said to you, even though I wanna go into your dreamscape and punch him in the nuts for it. But I do want to say this, because I think it’s important.”

Adam loosens his hold a little and steps back, but stays in Ronan’s orbit. Ronan kisses him on the tip of his nose before he says his piece.

“I hate my phone, but I’m gonna fucking use it, every day, when you go to college. I will visit whenever you fucking want me to, and Adam, please believe me when I say that you will always, always have a home here. With me. Wherever I am.”

And the thing is that Adam really does believe that. It’s such an unfamiliar feeling that it makes him shiver, for reasons that have nothing to do with the early morning chill.

“Ronan,” he says hoarsely, and it’s almost a plea. Ronan presses a kiss to his temple and then smooths some of the hair back out of Adam’s face where it’s still a bit matted from sleep.

“Adam, what? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Adam says. “It’s just that I think I’m in love with you and that scares the hell out of me.”

This isn’t entirely true; Adam doesn’t think, he knows. And this wasn’t how he was supposed to say it.

“I love you,” he says, firmer this time. Fiercely. He looks Ronan in the eyes when he says it and sees them widen.

Ronan’s expression does something very complicated, and his breath catches in his throat. When he finally finds his voice, it’s to say, “Why does that scare you?”

“Because I know it’s going to hurt when I leave.”

It’s the simplest, most unavoidable reason, and Ronan nods slowly. “Yeah.”

In a few short months, Adam leaves for college. He’s beyond excited, but hot on the tails of that, he’s terrified, because he keeps imagining it, and in his imagination, he misses Ronan already.

If it hurts now, it’ll undoubtedly hurt more later. The leaving was never supposed to hurt.

But he’s also going to come back again, and that never used to be part of the plan. Now it’s an important part, and it doesn’t frighten Adam like he thought it might.

So yeah, it’ll hurt, but in a good way. Because it’s a privilege to love and be loved and Ronan is always going to be worth the effort.

“I’m coming back, though, Ronan. You know that, right? I’m coming back, if you’ll have me.”

“You fucking know I will,” Ronan says, but there’s a relief there now. “And fuck, I love you, Adam. You already knew that. But I do.”

Knowing it already doesn’t mean hearing it means any less. The words settle, warm, somewhere in Adam’s chest. He’s going to keep them there, and replay them anytime he wants.

He smiles and leans back into Ronan, tilting his head up in search of the kiss that he knows will taste all the sweeter in the wake of their little confessions.

When they finally stop kissing, minutes or hours or days later, Adam grins. “I’m sorry I was mad at you because of what fake dream-Ronan said.”

“What you should be sorry for is getting mud all over my clothes,” Ronan says with a raised eyebrow. 

Adam looks down at his borrowed clothes to see mud smeared all over his front from where Opal crashed into him, and it’s mirrored on the hoodie Ronan’s wearing from where they’ve been clutched together.

“Uh…oops,” Adam says.

“‘S’okay,” Ronan says with a shrug. “It’s laundry day anyway.”

Adam smiles. “So it is.”

#the raven cycle #pynch #tumblr prompts #trc #gonna put this on ao3 as well i think

[kimonlyfans]

Kim still tries his best to fit in his family.

My name is Kim Rashid B. Chua, I was born on July 12, 2005 at Batobalani, Paracale, Camarines Norte, Philippines. I wasn't really sure if I was born in hospital or just in our house so before I did this autobiography I called my mom to ask where I was born and told me that she gave birth in our old house. Well you might ask why my second name is Rashid well in Arabic it means wise, judicious, rightly guided, and right minded. Our neighbors used to call be Al-Rashid "the right-minded" who is also known as an epithet of Allah. While my last name is Chua in my father side most of our relatives are pure Chinese and funny thing I'm the only Chua that has brown skin in our Family. 

I grew up in our province in Camarines Norte where I was born,I started to understand everything and started to know what's right and wrong. Well just like every normal kids my parents are also strict, especially my father. My everyday routine is to go to school, do my homeworks, help in household chores, and church worship every Sundays. Then my mom enrolled me to Kumon when I finished Kindergarten I go there every Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I can say that having and advanced study helped me a lot, but that also got me in a tight situation where my parents are expecting me to have higher grades than my classmates due to the fact that I'm having an advanced classes, and I hate the way I felt but I still did my best to fulfill their expectations to me. 

 When I was 4 years old we moved from our province to Lucena, Quezon Province back then most of my family relatives used to come to our house to visit us and check on us, most of my uncle are passing by our house before going to Manila, some of them took care of me and my older sister Ryka when we were little. I'm pretty sure you want to ask me who are my parents and why don't they do those things, It's because my mom Rona Balasta-Chua is always busy at her work as a Money Changer in Lucena and she handles that branch by her own, while my father Kimlee Chua works as a farm worker in Japan so we're not that close to our parents, I can say that we got ease in our life but as a kid that's not what we wanted, We wanted them to be there for us when we needed them but they're  just not there everytime we needed them, as I grow up I began to understand that they're doing it for us to have a wealthy life and not suffer what they experienced at the same age. 

 2013 we came back to Bicol to continue our life there since my Dad came home from Japan, My Mom and Dad decided that we continue studying there since my Dad have many ideas to start business here. He started a piggery, printing shop, driving a tricycle as a public transport and he also became a professional photographer and started as an event photographer. I helped him in every business and became his favourite son since I'm his only son lol. I also became a consistent honor student since that's what he wanted me to be, I graduated as a Salutatorian, even our mom was not with us me and my sister did our best to make our father proud but he never stopped raising his standards to make him proud. Then a sudden typhoon hit us when my Father went abroad once again due to lack of financial support for me and my sister. It was after I graduated in Elementary,  then highschool came. Highschool life probably the happiest time of our lives, but that is also the time were you get to see everything by your bare eyes. It all started before I got to 2nd year highschool, I started hanging out with my friends and started drinking alcohol even I'm still a minor, I used my parents as a reason to do it but the truth is I just wanted their attention, I missed them so much that I did everything for them to go home but not everything happened just as what I expected, I became the family problem since then. Then I realized that I just made them more problems because of what I did back then. Guess what I'm still the family problem but I'm trying my best to change everything and I thank god for not removing my rights to worship him after everything I did, and I can say that I still haven't paid what I did wrong but he still gives me blessings. So right now I'm still in the province since 2020 because of pandemic and my family and I are doing great now. Thank you for reading my autobiography up to this last part.

#autobiography

[wadupkev]

Why I Changed Jobs 5 Times During COVID

Writing for me has become a unique way for me to process and reflect in my life. I find it soothing to sit at the keys of my computer and slowly watch, like a viewer of a movie on my own life, a story come to life, yet I have already lived it.

There is something real about reflection. Looking back at a situation and seeing it through a clear windshield that once was caked over with dirt. It’s freeing, it’s encouraging, it helps us grow and I am so grateful for that.

This last year for so many has been, dare I say, hard? Does anyone growing up ever think about what kind of destruction a global pandie could cause let alone what a pandie even is? I want to be careful how I write this reflection of my last year because I know the pain and suffering that others have been through because of the ‘rona. Real, life-altering pain. Although my life has been shaken up this year it certainly could have been a lot worse so please know I am writing this knowing the privilege that I have. I hope you see the things that I have learned as the main takeaways rather than the vehicles of transportation that took me to them. Also know that I love you and am so grateful you are reading this. Even if this is where you stop reading I hope you know how loved you are.

Lets rewind a bit.

March 2020

Wowsers. I was living man. The NCAA March Madness tournament was right around the corner. Being in the last semester of grad school with not a whole lot going on class wise, I was soaking up my time in the athletics department at Nebraska. I was scheduled to work the basketball tournaments first and second rounds in Omaha. I would get to be on the floor watching the games live, in the press conference room during interviews, distributing materials as a “runner” to the staff onsite. In the midst of all of this I had begun just a few months prior really starting to look through the job sites and start applying for gigs I thought I would do well in. Something I would love.

How exciting right? Finishing grad school (which funny enough during my freshmen year of undergrad in 2014 I switched majors to avoid going to grad school lol s/o God) with hopes to work in a profession that I had been dreaming about for a little over 5 years. I was working national events, attending sporting events left and right, being front and center as a “fan” or graduate assistant. I was starting to explore where I wanted to live post grad school. The cool thing about college athletics is that there are colleges ALL over. The idea of what a post school life would look like was becoming really clear. This vision that had taken shape over the last 5 years was coming to the point where I wasn’t quite sure what would be next. But things were getting clearer each day.

I remember driving to Omaha a couple days before March Madness was set to begin with my roommate. The night before we saw the first of what would be many NBA games cancelled. Not thinking too much about it at the time, Zach (my roommate) and I were in the car when the alerts that no fans would be in attendance at the games for March Madness came through. My family had tickets to come watch the games. I was on the phone with my dad chatting about them no longer coming to Nebraska to visit and enjoy some college basketball. We hung up and then the alerts just kept coming. Rumors that the whole tournament would be cancelled, then seemingly strong sources stating that it was cancelled. By this point I had dropped Zach off to go on his spring break trip and he was already in Florida. Uh oh. Could he even come home? Stuck 1,700 miles away from school (tbh at the time I did not think he was in the worst spot).

It was sports that did it for us. The moment we knew something awful was about to happen without the magnitude of what it could do in our minds. A quick pause, do you remember when you found out about this whole thing? For some reason I think this is my generations global event that we will look back and no exactly where we were and what we were doing.

Anyways, to continue, ten days after the basketball tournament was cancelled, I received an email from a job I had applied to a few weeks earlier and the head coach was asking to chat about a role. If I am honest, I had forgotten that I had applied for this particular role because of how many jobs I had been applying to during that time. I had figured since I hadn’t heard anything that they were not interested. Slightly stunned, but excited about the possibility to interview, we talked for a while on a Monday and then continued that conversation with a second round interview with his whole staff on that Wednesday. During our Wednesday chat, towards the end, he had told me that I would have a decision, good or bad, by friday. “That’s so soon but rock on.” I thought. I loved the idea of knowing soon. Oh how this would come to bite me. Friday came and went and I heard nothing. What would you think in this situation? At this point I really did not know what the scale of COVID-19 would be. It had shaken things up but I thought it would last a couple weeks. In my mind, I went to “Oh they probably offered the role to someone else, that person is taking the weekend to think about it and they didn’t want to tell me incase this person turns down the role in which case I’ll hear something either Monday or Tuesday.” Somewhat logical right? The timing made sense. I was convinced someone else got the job.

Monday rolls around. This is all happening during Lent (the 40~ days before Easter) in which I had decided to do my bible study in my room immediately after waking up instead of checking my phone first. I had been charging my phone in the living room, which I continue to do now, so that the temptation wouldn’t be there. Expecting to hear something that day or the next, I was distracted to say the least. While I was reading that mornings devotional, I just kept thinking “How crazy would it be if when I go out to the living room to finish my response to the devotional on my phone and I would see a missed call already?”. I had woken up at like 8ish I want to say that morning so I was really doubting to see something. I wrapped up the reading and walked out to the living room and no joke, the first thing I see, it says “Missed Call: Coach Taylor | 3 minutes ago”. WHAT?! Literally as I was thinking “oh man what if he’s already called?” while reading, he had indeed tried to call. I was shocked. I very speedily finished my response to that demo. My apologies to anyone who had received my text that morning because it was NOT my best. I rushed through it trying to not be distracted, but I couldn’t think of anything else. What was he going to say? I immediately called him back. “Good news and bad news Kevin.” Oh boy. Here we go. “I wanted nothing more than to call you on Friday and offer you the job.” Okay……and? “I got a call from HR about an hour before I was planning on calling you saying that the university is freezing all current hiring processes until further notice. You are our guy, we just don’t know when we can get you out here.” I mean, pretty awesome phone call to me, being extremely naive to the timeline that the ‘rona would follow. I thought that tops a couple weeks and boom, I get out to this job. A dream job for me out of grad school. I had connected really well with the head coach and the rest of his staff. It felt so right. I decided at that point that this would be worth waiting for. However long. In my head, I would go home for a couple weeks, spend some time with family, and get out to the job in the middle to end of May. I moved home hoping to not be there too long.

And then the weight of what the ‘rona would do to our world started to pile on. More and more cases. More direction about masks, staying home, virtual events becoming the norm. Every couple of weeks I would connect with Coach Taylor and see how they were handling things, what the update on the possible timeline could be. It keeps getting pushed back. Maybe June 1st. Well maybe July 1st (start of the new fiscal year for universities). These arbitrary dates kept coming and going like the wind. August 1st then August 17th which was the first date of classes. Now what I want to make clear is that this potential employer was not simply stringing me along. No one really knew what to expect with this virus. He was hopeful and encouraging to talk to about the future of this role. In the midst of all of this, I was at home with my parents not knowing when I was going to leave. 24, grad degree, living at home. The story I told myself was that I had failed. That I had made it through the right hoops at the right time to finally get to the hoop that was too high up to get through and to fall down on my face and not be good enough. Then, in the middle of August, I got a call from the Coach in which he informed me that it would at least be Spring of 21’ before they would be able to consider a hire.

Woof.

Not what I wanted to hear. It could likely mean a full year living at home before they could consider hiring? Oh man.

I had picked up a job working 6pm to midnight at Lowes unloading trucks. More on this in my last blog.

I felt lost. I felt alone. A handful of my grad school friends had already secured jobs before COVID. The few that hadn’t yet felt really far away. All the people I was spending time around still had their jobs and were still chugging forward when it felt like I had been cast one hundred miles back in life. It was hard.

I sat down into a conversation with one of my incredible mentors, Tyler. I explained the whole situation like I had done a million times already at that point. I explained how I likely would have a full winter to wait out before this dream role, or even hiring in college athletics in general, would resume to normal. He asked me a couple questions and then said something that challenged my current thinking. “Kevin, think about it. When else are you going to have an entire winter, to do whatever you want, ever in your life again? No responsibilities, no restrictions besides the ‘rona. Use this time to have a little fun. Don’t go into debt, but enjoy this time. Think about this as an opportunity to do something you otherwise would never get to do. You ski a lot right? Go be a ski bum.”

Now. This idea had not been completely foreign to me. On a backpacking trip in 2015, one of the group leaders had mentioned how he had been a ski bum at Vail in his 20’s. Immediately Ty(the groups leader on the backpacking trip)’s stories starting becoming vivid memories. I remember him telling me of the 100+ days he spent skiing, living on a couch eating ramen and PB&Js to make it by, just living.

I went home that day from lunch with Tyler and applied for a job at Copper Mountain. “Ski Instructor, hm that sounds like something I could do” having taught just a handful of friends in college how to ski. S/O Tyler Leasure crashing into a tree at full speed. The immediate excitement of possibly spending a winter in the mountains of Colorado was quickly brought back to the ground. I would only be doing this because I wasn’t where I actually wanted to be. I was only doing it because my dream job had seemingly fallen through the cracks. I ended up getting offered the job at Copper. Finding housing was a true pain in the but until a friend connected me with a mutual friend. I am so blessed to have even gotten a place to stay in Summit County. I was a day or so from telling Copper I couldn’t come because of not finding housing.

December 1st, 2020

I moved up to Dillon, CO. A place I kind of, but not really, wanted to be. I would hear from my friends that they were so jealous of me. They wanted to be a ski bum but couldn’t for a host of different reasons, all legitimate. But here I was, working a job that so many were “jealous” of, and I wasn’t happy.

I want to be careful here because I know how this can look. “Oh you had to go be a ski bum and thats the most trying time of your life? Okay, Kevin. Take a seat and let me tell you what real pain looks like.” I really hope to not come off like that here. This was a tough spot for me. The life I had envisioned for so long and was so close to coming to fruition had disappeared in an instant. I hope you can understand what that feels like.

I was frustrated. I was skiing and I was frustrated. HA. What an oxymoron. But then my mom handed me a book. A book on lament. An unfiltered prayer to God. Raw and emotional. In the book the author said something so simple yet so profound. “Hard is hard. Hard is not bad.” Pffffffff dude come on! This hit me like a BRICK! I had been looking back over the confusing time spectacle that is COVID as hard and that it sucked. But nope. Hard is going to happen in our life. That is what it means to be human. We can’t avoid it. Hard is hard. It is not bad. Hard reveals idols and mine could not have been more apparent. I had placed this job and my career on a pedestal so that when it didn’t come to reality, I was mad. It hadn’t worked out how I wanted it to.

But then I started thinking, and it may be a cliche to a lot of people, but if I place my happiness on the other side of this job working out, when will I ever be happy in my life? Because if this job does work out, I will have trained myself to put happiness on the other side of some thing and will always continue to do that. If I couldn’t be happy as a FREAKING SKI BUM when could I ever be happy? This rocked my world. I started meditating. I started trying to be more present. To live in the now. To enjoy the now for what it is. We spend so much time living in the past and future that the now rarely ever gets any focus. Do you see how unhealthy this is? I could see this trend going in a bad direction. If I started saying that I would only be happy when I was in a relationship, that would be such a toxic way to approach and treat any woman. If I could only be happy once I had moved away from home, would I ever really have somewhere that I could consider home? If I could only be happy when I started making adult money, how would that affect my view of finances and the pitfalls of only ever wanting to make more money? I had to change.

Living in the present. Enjoying skiing was the biggest priority I had. I had made a couple good friends in Summit County, Justin and James, and we had started planning some ski trips. We went and skied Telluride together and I started to fall in love with the sport again. I got to ski Powderhorn with some boys from my days in Grand Junction. I was spending a ton of time taking laps in the park at Copper. I started getting some bigger jumps down, started throwing some tricks. I was loving skiing again. I was getting better and seeing a ton of progression. I was enjoying being a ski bum. The future still seemed unclear but I was happy. I was happy where I was. It’s something that I think is so crucial to our lives. If you can’t be happy now, when will you ever be? I was done trying to become happy and was simply being happy. I started seeing the little blessings of everyday in a hard situation.

A situation that once was only frustrating was starting to bear its fruit.

I joined a bookclub with two really really solid guys and it has changed my life. In a book we just finished called Cry Like a Man the author Jason Wilson says “Only when the wheat is cut down, broken, ground up, and baked in the fire is it ready to feed one or many.” I had been broken down. Mad. Frustrated. Angry. Fearful. All the while God had been shaping my heart into something useful for myself and hopefully through conversation or even this blog, useful for others. I tried to keep a heart posture open to being shaped but it was not easy at times and I definitely was doubtful so often. But with the little that I did hand over to Jesus, he created something in me far greater that I could have imagined. Someone who appreciated this last year. Someone who can say now that I would go through this whole waiting game again knowing what it would bring out of me. Knowing what I would learn.

I recently received a job offer from that same dream role I had mentioned earlier. I could not be more thrilled and excited to start that. But until then I am soaking up time with family and friends.

I am so grateful to so many people for their roles in pouring into me this last year. I was in a rough spot and can’t say thank you enough to those who talked with me, sat with me, cried with me, and loved me so well. To those people, thank you.

I hope you have people like that in your life because holy smokes did I lean hard on those people. Their selflessness was a very needed light in my life. It’s what we are built for right? To live in community and relationship with others? Yes, I understand that we aren’t supposed to do that in large groups indoors without masks with the ‘rona still around, but it is so so so important to have a group of people you can lean on in hard times because they WILL come. Who are those people for you? The ones you can trust to be there for you when it sucks and just listen? Not to try to fix the problem or tell you a story that in many ways one-up’s your story, but to simply sit in the suck. To sit in the uncomfortable. It is a skill that I have now realized is a rare one. But those people are the best and so needed in everyones life. I hope you think about who those people are and say thank you to them.

I love you. Thank you for reading this far. Having read over this blog a few times, I get slightly emotional every time. Not because I am still sad, but because I know where I was and where I am now. Because I know that in the breaking down process is where life really has value. I am so grateful for you. If you could humor me with a favor, shoot me a text or message somewhere if you read this whole thing telling me one thing you learned during this last year. I would love to hear about it. I also would love to let you know in a more intimate way how thankful I am that you decided to read this. Hopefully you learned something through this as well. God is so good.

I LOVE THE HECK OUT OF YOU, DAWG. ALL THE LOVE.

[bestfriendforhire]

Children of BFFH, Entry 77

 “Since we’re sharing, I’ll drop the illusion.” stated Messy, her eyes changing from a natural brown color to a glowing gold.

 “Wh-What?” I asked, staring at her.

 “I know.  Mom chides me when I do that, saying my normal eyes are beautiful, but many people can’t get over it.  They’re just eyes, really.” claimed Messy without a hint of joking.

 “They are beautiful, but… are they really glowing?” I questioned in disbelief.

 Everything around us suddenly went dark, except the glowing gold of her eyes.  Before I could say anything, the light was back.

 “Yes, they glow, and they are beautiful.” stated Four with a smile.  Realizing why I was still staring around, he said, “Sorry if I startled you, but quick demonstrations can often get the point across more easily.  That was just a little trick I learned from Father.”

 A few seconds after he was done speaking, I was still staring at him, enjoying those beautiful violet eyes of his.  He was way too cute.  “I’m not allowed to date yet.” I blurted, my cheeks heating a moment after I said it.  What was wrong with me?

 “You probably wouldn’t be interested anyway.  What you’re feeling is a byproduct of my magic.  Sorry.  Father and I have a large aura that encourages people to like us.  Can’t be helped.” he told me earnestly.  “If you wish to escape it, I’m sure Mila won’t mind giving you a ride home.”

 As I fumbled for a response, Rona begged “Please stay!  We haven’t even done anything yet!  Just give him a hug if you need to.”  She demonstrated, making me feel a little jealous as I considered following her lead.

 “Just remember to let him go.  Gets awkward after a while.” claimed Damien, poking Rona.  She was quick to hug him too.

 “Mila has already taken your bags to your rooms, but we can show you where you’ll be sleeping tonight if you want.” suggested Aid into the brief silence.  “Or would you like a general tour of the place?”

 They all watched me, waiting for a reply.  Some adults I didn’t know walked past us, waving at us without even stopping as some of the kids greeted them.  The silence stretched as my eyes went up and up, taking in the twin stairways leading up to a balcony.  The ceiling was so high, and engraved.  There were chandeliers up there.

 Rona’s voice brought me back to the rest of them as she said, “Let’s just get started with the gaming.  You guys can show her around after our lunch break.”

 I nodded.  “Gaming sounds good.  Dad said I didn’t need to bring my computer when I asked last night.  He wasn’t wrong, was he?” I asked hopefully.

 There were several laughs before Luce grabbed my hand and pulled me behind her with strength like my dad.  “This way, Layla.” she told me, smiling as I matched her stride.  “Our ballroom is used for gaming more often than dancing.” she informed me as we entered.

 The room was large and had… eight sides… floor-to ceiling computer screens!  Well, some of them were mirrors.  I could see Ancient Tribes of Earth being played on them and had to resist the urge to go ask about what sort of gear they were using.  These were people who had played for many years for sure.

 “That’s Deo’s father over there.” she told me as she pointed.  Then she pointed to others, saying, “And there’s Crazy’s mom, don’t call her a mother.  Auntie Portentia, and… oh.  Hello, Mother.”

 Mrs. Somerset seemed to approach us in one step, crossing at least twenty feet in an instant.  She looked identical to Mila!  As she fondly brushed a hand over her daughter’s head, she smiled at me and said, “Nice to meet you, Layla.  You may call me ‘Alma’.  I apologize if my daughter was too rough with you.  She’s just excited.”

 Luce released my hand, looking sheepish.  “I didn’t pull her that hard.” she insisted.

 “Use a feather touch, dear.  Anything more from you can be dangerous.” replied Alma, bending down to look Luce in the eye.

 Luce looked like she was going to make some argument, but nodded instead.  “Yes, Mother.” she stated obediently.

 Straightening and looking at everyone else, she said, “Don’t be late for lunch this time, or I’ll ask Mila to put all of you on dish duty for a week.”

 I frowned as I considered how many dishes a place this size might have, but several of the others snickered.

 Alma smiled warmly as she said, “Off you go.  Don’t want that monster to eat any of you.  We’d have to raid it in revenge.”

 In a whisper as we went down some stairs that were hidden by one of the enormous mirrors, Luce said, “Dishes only take a minute, since they let us use magic.  Mother was just teasing us.”

 “Then why are you whispering?” I asked in a whisper.

 “To sound like we’re conspiring.  Mother can easily hear us from back there.  She’d hear us several rooms away through the soundproofing if she’s paying attention.” replied Luce, still whispering.

 Whispering loudly, Aspy said, “Don’t we need something to conspire about if we’re conspiring?  I’m not missing some coded message, am I?”  He actually sounded worried that he was.

 “What are we even talking about again?  Why would we be using a coded message?  Sorry.  Trying not to forget Layla’s expression when the doors opened.” asked Ella as she whispered too.  She really sounded confused!

 “Huh?  My expression?” I asked, wondering how far down these stairs went.  We had already passed another floor.

 Someone behind me laughed, and I recognized one of the quadruplets saying, “You did look a bit surprised!”

 “Sorry if we startled you.” came the same voice from a slightly different direction.

 Then the voice moved again, saying, “We don’t get visitors often.”

 “Other than you and Rona, we haven’t had any kids our age show up here.  Some people find our home intimidating.” asserted Four, sounding amused by the idea.

 “You’re leaving out Alaric.” pointed out one of the quadruplets.

 “Sorry.  Him too.” stated Four in a resigned tone.  “I’m betting we’ll be seeing Marisha here eventually as well.”

 Luce seemed to tense slightly, and then she had a smile that made me take a step back, stumbling on the stairs before she caught me with a lightning fast hand.  “Will she really?” she asked in a tone that was far more innocent than her expression.

 “Probably.” stated Four without seeming to notice his sister’s expression.  “Marisha’s father might see me as an ideal match for her, so he’ll encourage her to come visit or something.  Father mentioned it, but I assure you that girl won’t be your sister-in-law.”

 “No, she won’t.” stated Messy in a quiet voice.

 I didn’t see her expression as I was too startled by… something…  There had been a motion around us as she spoke, but I didn’t catch what had happened.

 “Easy there, Messy.  Don’t want to make a mess right now.” stated Crazy teasingly.

 “Who’s Marisha?” I asked, getting the idea she was someone to avoid.

 “The child of the guy who rules Russia and a few other countries behind the scenes.  She made the mistake of attacking Luce and Ella.” replied Deo.  “Crazy broke her dad’s arm.”

 “Not on purpose!  I really thought he’d be… sturdier.” she insisted, her wide blue eyes looking sincere.

 “Behind the scenes?  Huh?” I asked, not sure what he meant by that, but I couldn’t ignore the other part either.  “What do you mean she broke his arm?”

 “I just playfully bumped him.  Not my fault he broke.” argued Crazy as she seemed to study the wall.

 “If you weren’t trying to help me, Mother would have scolded you.  You know you need to hold back more than that against people who aren’t trying to kill someone.” insisted Luce.

 I didn’t even know what to say.  This whole conversation was weird and…  Was the tiny girl really that strong!?  Crazy was easily the smallest one here.

 “Ignore all that, Layla.  The point they were trying to make was that we’re really happy you could come today.” asserted Damien.  “Righty, guys?”

 There was general agreement very quickly.

 “My apologies.” stated Luce.  “The idea of getting a chance to fight Marisha without her father interfering is a bit exciting to me.  I want to really see what she can do.”

 “Do you guys fight all the time?” I asked, startled by the idea.

 “More or less.” replied Four to my shock.  “We have daily martial arts and magic training as part of our lessons.  Don’t worry.  Our fights are supervised and perfectly safe.  You’d have to be completely obliterated to not come out perfectly fine, and most of us are careful not to injure the others.”  He looked significantly at Crazy.

 “What!?” she exclaimed.  “I mainly injure myself, and that’s only when it’s helpful!  I still don’t get why you worry about some cuts and bruises.”

 There were a number of groans from the others, but I was now stuck on the words “completely obliterated”.

 “I don’t recommend diving into one of their snowball fights.  They take fights really serious here.” insisted Rona, squeezing my arm from behind for emphasis.

 “Lucky for me, the snow’s all gone.” I told her with a smile.

 “That doesn’t have to be the case.  We can have a yard of snow in midsummer if we feel like it.” stated Luce as she opened a door.  “We’ll be in here today, Layla.  Half the others are going to be in the next room down.”

 “Sorry.  The adults get the upper levels.” apologized Aspy.  “They’re all really the same though.”

 Other than the perfectly black ceiling and floor, the room looked like the ballroom above us.  I could hardly believe I’d be gaming on a screen that big.  The chairs looked comfortable too.

 “Oh!  Don’t do the chair tutorial.” stated Crazy, appearing right next to me, despite having walked in the opposite direction.  “Grandma writes tutorials that are… long.  Very informative, but often unnecessarily convoluted.”

 “Hold old are you?” I asked, still struggling to wrap my head around the idea that this tiny, adorable girl used words like “convoluted” and could break an adult’s arm.

 “I turned nine last month.  Why?” she asked, her wide eyes staring up at me curiously.

 “Nothing.  You have quite the vocabulary.” I told her, despite being shocked by her age.  She didn’t look nine.  Even at nine, who talks like that?

 “Depends on the language.  Messy still speaks at least a dozen I haven’t bothered learning yet.” she told me with a shrug.

 Messy could speak a dozen languages!?  I really, really needed to ask my cousin some questions about this place.  I sighed and took a seat, almost forgetting my questions as the giant screen illuminated immediately.

 Mila’s voice came out of the chair, sounding amused as she asked “Would you like to try the chair’s tutorial, or should I teach you the basic features before we log you into the game?”

 “Basics, please.” I told her, deciding to take the nine-year-old’s advice.

 The chair had all sorts of adjustments I could do, but Mila had various parts slide around to fit my size even better for me.  Then she explained how the keyboard and mouse system worked.  Not feeling keys move would take some adjustment, but I thought I’d manage, though she did offer to get me physical ones if this proved too odd.  In no time, I was staring up at the giant screen in anticipation.  The game was about to continue.

#Children of BFFH #Children #of #BFFH #Jovial Times #Jovial #Times #Fantasy #Fiction #Story

[blackdracrises]

2020 Recap: 2021, Comeback Season or Die

Since Facebook decided to discontinue the "Notes" app, here's to trying a new medium for the yearly goals and recap. *cheers* to Bibs for the tradition. I'll be curious to see how/if he chooses to continue the tradition due to this new development 🤔.

Mannnnn, what can't we say about 2020? Everything that COULD go wrong WENT wrong in 2020, and to be honest we aren't out of the woods yet. We lost so many beloved people from our celebrity universe so quickly throughout 2020, and some of the people we lost are just so shocking that words can't even begin to state how impactful they were and how much they will be missed. Much love and peace to anyone else we lost that may not be a "celebrity", but they are a celebrity/superhero to us/you 🙏🏾; but I digress.

COVID-19 certainly derailed 2020 and will likely leave it's mark well into 2022. I'm going to try to keep this recap short. Normally I liked to go into great detail, but these days I'm not about wasting time, and ensuring that everything I say and do is intentional. Long story short, I experienced my first heartbreak in my life and learned a lot of lessons and things about myself that will allow me to grow moving forward. I reflected and realized that love/relationships may not be in the cards for what the Universe has in my storybook, and I'm ok with that. I won't go into much detail, but I've never felt like everyone else and I've always known that I was put here for something much bigger than myself.

I've been away from the public eye for awhile now fighting my own demons and curses; or as I wrote in some bars right before writing this, "(In) Luigi's mansion, all these demons and spirits, and curses/Always smiling, but thoughts of dyin' were always lurkin". I've only been reachable via email or phone call for about half a year now, and I must say that I've never felt freer. Social media has been disconnected 24 hours a day during that time, but I'm considering popping into twitter every now and again because it truly does give me life, bring genuine laughter, happiness and smiles. In all honesty, I think I'll be gone permanently... but we'll see.

Anyhow, that's enough of that. Let's looks at the goals from 2020 and how each one turned out.

Financial:

• Reduce/Limit eating out at restaurants cost to a maximum of $2020 for the year. ✅

• [UPDATE]: Due to COVID-19 the limit has been increased to $3000, but I still believe I will be well beneath that number. Going to try to stick as close as possible to the $2020 number.✅

• Reduce student loan debt by 10-12K✅

Covid and a healthy lifestyle change came in the clutch and I managed to only spend about ~$3000 on eating food outside the house this year. In 2019 I spent $7600 so......there's that lol 😳. I managed to drop my overall debt by $17.5K and my student loan debt by about $13.7K.

Health & Fitness:

• Drop weight from 205 to 195 (190 if really pushing)✅

• Increase Bench Max to 200 (This is a stretch, so I'll accept 180-195 since it's been awhile since I've actually done HIT training and I'm basically starting at 0)✅

• [UPDATE]: Due to COVID-19, the gyms have been closed and certainly aren't the best place to go to after reopening if you want to avoid the virus. So this goal will be removed.

• Get the abs back on point✅

• [UPDATE]: More specifically, reduce body fat percentage to a range between 18%-20%. Currently registering at 23%✅

I went crazy on the finance and weight loss in 2020. I thought COVID-19 would drastically impact the health and fitness goals, but heartbreak can push you through so many things you thought weren't plausible. Things I deprecated from the list, still got accomplished using that energy as a fuel. As I always say, the flesh is weak, but the mind is strong”. I dropped from 228 to 180 lbs. from May to Nov. I dropped it from the list, but the first day back in the gym I knocked out 205 lbs. on bench and I was hella shocked 😮. I got the abs back on point and I'm still carving them out as I went from 23% body fat to 11.5%.

Entertainment:

• Watch 40-50 shows/movies/documentaries/anime cutting visual list to 50 remaining items.✅

Rona definitely made this goal a lot easier. I knocked out 50 TV Shows, 50 Movies, 47 Anime and 2 documentaries for a total of 149 items watched.

Travel:

• Travel to a new state AND new country/new city in a previously visited country.

• Link up with Bibs (or else lol 😅)

[UPDATE]: Due to COVID-19 these goals have been pushed to 2021 or post COVID-19 whichever seems safer.

I meannnn this is obvious, as we all know this didn't happen lol. When things get back to a manageable range we'll revisit these goals. Until that time, these travel plans will be postponed. I did see some people had their closest friends quarantine for a while and then surprise them with a trip to a private island. Maybe we can get something like that going 🤣😉😝.

I've been really disconnected from humanity the last half of the year, and I realized that almost all of my interactions with humans/people have been empty. I also realized that I've just been "existing" for 28 years of life as a robot, and during that time I've only experienced genuine happiness 3 times. That's truly a wild thought.

As with every other year, 2021 has it's own motto. 2019 was "#GetTheBag2019", 2020 was "#StopClownin2020, and 2021 will be "2021 Comeback or Die".

That just about does it for the 2020 Recap.

[alia15]

2020: Who Saw THIS Coming?

Remember when I retired from blogging?

I actually did retire, except, I consider this little corner of the Internet -- MY corner -- to be a place where I document the big stuff. I told you about my engagement and then came back several months later to recap my wedding. Remember that? The wedding that THANKFULLY occurred in late 2019 before the world turned to shit??

Yeah. You know what happened. “The pandemic.” “The virus.” “Covid.” Covid-19″ (I personally prefer the first five Covids; I feel like they really fell off after that). “CORONAVIRUS.” 

THE DUMPSTER FIRE THAT IS...2020.

Suuuuuuuuure, good ol’ Rona robbed Leo and me of our Italian honeymoon, but aside from that? We were able to squeeze in all kinds of fun things in good ol 2019 -- oh how I miss you, 2019 -- and have an unforgettable year. This year is proving to be unforgettable too -- just, ya know -- in like, a traumatizing sorta way.

Anyway, as I was saying, I have to document the big stuff on here. I imagine myself reading and looking back on this blog like an old, embarrassing diary (hell, I do it already) (the dating posts make me want to die) and who can omit THIS chapter? It’s got it all: a deadly virus, racially fueled riots and protesting, social injustice, a deranged madman in the oval office, and... MURDER HORNETS?

exactly. 

So rather than write out a whole long thing about my experience in 2020, I thought I’d break it down by month, starting in March. I’m going to be documenting the good, the BAD (there’s a decent amount of that), and anything new that transpired in that time frame. Did I take up any hobbies? Start baking sourdough? I guess you’ll find out. 

Let’s start with: 

MARCH. 

The good. There was immediately a novelty to this whole Covid-19 thing. In the first half of the month I was commuting, going to work in my NYC office, and doing my usual amount of social things on weekends. When it was decided in mid-March that we’d have to work and stay home for a “bit” (lol), there was something exciting about it. We made jokes about social distancing and masks and had cutesy puns for “quarantining.” We hit the ground RUNNING with Zoom calls/video chats. There was something fun and exhilarating about all this.

The bad. People I KNOW got this virus. People I know LOST people to this virus. My Grandma’s health took a turn and things did not look good, but I couldn’t go see her. Shit, I didn’t see ANYONE except Leo, and even he was going to work in his office every day. I had to get used to this abrupt abundance of...alone time. 

What’s new? I’ve always taken to social media as a creative outlet, but I QUICKLY started using it more -- and differently -- once things in the world got hairy. I treated my Instagram like my one gateway to the outside world, because it was: I surveyed my followers and asked how they were doing. I took silly videos talking to myself in the mirror. I wrote long captions on my photos letting everyone know what my experience was like. I tried to entertain those who were stuck at home, as I was, and needing an escape. 

Oh, and ya know... Tiger King.

APRIL.

The good. The weather was getting nicer, so Leo and I took advantage and often went for walks around our complex and even a local trail/preserve in our town. We started doing “lawn visits” to see our families from a distance, and that helped. For two people who were used to seeing their ‘people’ regularly, 3-4 weeks of not seeing them took a toll. I also started doing “Grateful April” on Instagram, where I shared a few things each day that made me happy/appreciative. Some followers of mine followed suit, which was awesome to see. 

The bad. Hmm, I think all this sitting and lack of moving is hurting my back? (#foreshadowing). Also, ENOUGH with the Zoom calls and “virtual happy hours,” for the LOVE OF GOD! Oh, and that “novelty” I mentioned in March? That wore off quickly, and a lot of us started to feel weird, sad, isolated, uneasy, unproductive and stir-crazy. Myself included.

We were also reminded that this was the month we were supposed to depart for our honeymoon. Ugh.

What’s New? I did some arts & crafts (I painted ceramic bowls I bought from Target), gave myself a mediocre pedicure, found new/creative ways to engage and interact with folks on social media (polls, asking questions like “what’s in your Amazon cart?” and “who sponsors your quarantine?”), and got to see what it was like to have a husband with hair. I also discovered my love of tie-dye and wore...a lot of it. 

Oh, and I was on CBS news talking about screen time. Iconic. 

MAY.

The good. The weather got summer-like and I definitely felt a MAJOR shift in my mood. Leo and I spent more time outside on our deck: listening to music, making margaritas, talking to neighbors. I even took work calls outside and got some much-needed Vitamin D. I had my first real “beach days” (bathing suit, chair and all). I started to FINALLY see my family in person; first, outside only -- and then eventually indoors.  

The bad. Ahmaud Arbery. George Floyd, obviously. Dumb-dumbs protesting the lock-down and demanding haircuts. CLEARLY more to come on this. (See: June)

Oh, and my back pain? WAY worse.

What’s new? Some more arts and crafts: I started painting shells I found on the beach (lol).  I bought a pair of Crocs and documented the most absurd series on social media where I paired the heinous footwear with items that rhymed (Crocs & socks, Crocs & shamrocks, Crocs & botox...you get the idea.) I experimented with a few new recipes (made lemon poppy muffins & homemade vodka sauce). I re-watched Mad Men and it made me miss my office and coworkers. 

JUNE. A rough one. 

The good. We started doing more social things with our families: BBQs, celebrating Father’s Day, our nephew’s baptism. Doing this truly felt like “normalcy” and in those moments, we’d forget about all the garbage going on around us. I also decided (yes, after 3 friggin months of lock-down) that I needed to start exercising; something I needed for my physical AND mental health. I thought it could help my back -- which, yes, was feeling worse as time went on -- and it did make me feel good to spend a little time each day walking, jogging, lifting weights and just MOVING. 

The bad. Um? Everything? For starters, the racial tension in the country came to a head and erupted in a MAJOR way -- and while the protests and all the #BlackLivesMatter movements were a positive thing, it absolutely brought out the WORST in so many others. There was rioting, looting and violence. Racism ran RAMPANT. Karens went wild. “Covidiots” were ENRAGED about being told to wear masks. There was police brutality and a President who threw fuel into the fire. Tensions and emotions were at an all-time high and we all got a harsh dose of reality that this country has SO FAR TO GO in regards to equality and civil rights and even basic human decency. I was -- and still am -- sad for this country.

Also? I finally went for an MRI on my back and found out I have two herniated discs; well THAT certainly helps explain things! Shortly after, I pull my back out entirely, and could not walk or move. The pain is excruciating; debilitating and I think, “can things get any worse?” and then...

My Grandma passes away. 

It hurts. It still does. It was inevitable -- as death is, especially given her age and health condition at the time -- but it still felt like taking a bullet. I will always be grateful that I was able to get to see her one day before she passed away to say goodbye, but it’s hard not to be resentful that she didn’t get the memorial service and send-off she so deserved because of the pandemic.

(Side note: read about my amazing Grandma HERE)

In short, June sucked.

What’s new? We got a new stationary bike and set it up outside on the deck which was awesome, and I ended the month getting some epidural shots at the spine doctor. While the (strong) meds and injections didn’t exactly *cure* my issue, they made things a LOT better. Leo and I also drove into NYC (my first time there in MONTHS!) so I could go get my migraine Botox treatment at my neurologist. 

I voted by mail (which is not fraudulent, by the way) (#eyeroll) in the NY Primary. 

I also got not one, but TWO, amazing rainbows the week my grandmother passed away. I needed those, and I’d like to think she knew that.

JULY.

The good. More beach days and some consistent amazing weather (thanks, Mother Nature!). I started seeing a chiropractor twice a week and quickly respond REALLY WELL to treatment and start feeling a lot better. I put things into perspective and realize how lucky I am to live where I do -- on the beach -- and get to enjoy all this newfound free time doing things I enjoy. We also celebrate some family birthdays and have a small family gathering in honor of our beloved Dorothy. 

Have you noticed that “seeing family” always ends up in my “good” section?

The bad. Naya Rivera died unexpectedly, John Lewis died, REGIS died. Our President remains as unhinged as ever, we desperately want to #FreeBritney, and Kanye West has a really sad, scary and concerning, uh, episode. He’s also running for President, maybe? Or not? On a personal note, Leo and I tried to eat dinner on the beach one night and LIT-rally got attacked by seagulls. Weeks later, bull sharks are spotted in the ocean RIGHT WHERE WE LIVE, and they prohibit swimming. 

What’s new? Hamilton on Disney+: need I say more? The fig tree that’s been on our deck for three summers FINALLY started to grow figs! I re-watched Broad City and it is just... *chef’s kiss* perfection. Taylor Swift releases her album ‘folklore’ and I listen on repeat for seven days straight.

AUGUST.

Well, who knows? We’re not there yet. 2020 has certainly been a ride (and it’s not over yet; dear GOD), and I still can’t believe it ended up being this insane year, unlike anything I’ve EVER experienced. And while it undoubtedly has come with its fair share of challenges, it has also come with some blessings.

I have all this extra time now and I make a point to use it productively (most days). I log off from working and go outside, I walk the beach, go in our complex pool, ride the stationary bike, catch up with friends/family on the phone, read, and watch/re-watch shows.

The commute and hustle and bustle of every day in my pre-pandemic life would make me stressed and anxious; I was constantly snoozing alarm clocks, rushing in the mornings, dealing with overcrowded/delayed trains, and getting home late each night. 

Life has become slower, in a good way, and it’s made me appreciate the simple things. I care less about material things and more about the basics: enjoying nice weather/the outdoors, my home, my husband, my family and close friends.

I genuinely stopped caring about getting my hair and nails done, going out to dinner, getting dolled up, or traveling. Don’t get me wrong: I enjoy all these things and I’ll of course do them again, but this whole situation made me realize that what I need *most* in this world are the simple joys that money can’t buy.

And for that? I’m grateful. 

*stay safe, friends.*

#coronavirus #pandemic #life #2020 #this year #recap #family #blm #year in review #my life #covid #life as we know it #changes #death #loss #love #beach

[socialattractionuk]

My date lied and used coronavirus as an excuse to not meet again

I have read various social media posts that feature people bragging about how the pandemic is allowing them to turn down offers to meet up with friends when they rather stay at home (Picture: Joy Alicia)

I had one of my best and worst dates recently.

After six weeks of talking to a man named Ray* on Tinder – because I was in no rush to meet anyone in person during a pandemic – we decided to have dinner and drinks at an outdoor restaurant.

We had a great time, laughed a lot and ended up staying for hours. We didn’t organise a second date then and there, but I assumed that he would ask about it later. 

In the days following, I tried calling to keep the conversation going – he didn’t call back. He also began taking longer to answer the few texts I’d sent (an obvious sign that someone just isn’t that into you) and even replied with some unprovoked angry messages, such as complaining that I didn’t laugh at his jokes.

Ray was showing more red flags than a bull rider at a competition, so I didn’t consider him a romantic prospect anymore. But online dating is time-consuming and since I wasn’t speaking to any other men at the time, I decided that our fling could be a fun distraction.

Visit our live blog for the latest updates: Coronavirus news live

A week after our first and only date, came the final blow: ‘I don’t feel well today. I would rather talk when I’m not worried I have Covid. Thanks.’ 

I asked why he thought he had coronavirus, but received no list of symptoms or further explanation.

‘I sure hope not and I don’t think I do, but I’m not feeling well as I said. Talk to you later. Please and thank you,’ came the reply.

Translation: I was being blown off and Ray was using the virus as his excuse. You’d think I’d be mad, but I actually think it’s genius.

Initially, I was very surprised. Based on multiple conversations we’d had before our date, I knew that he was already taking extreme precautions to prevent himself from contracting Covid-19. Maybe he could have really had it, but since he has now gone silent, I think it’s probably unlikely.

But who can argue with a person who says that they might have coronavirus?

Without a hazmat suit, a cotton swab, and a test site readily available, there is no way to prove that your date is lying.

It may seem distasteful, given the devastation this pandemic has caused, but I don’t believe anyone using Covid-19 as an excuse underestimates this virus. I think people are just trying to cope with our reality in any way they can.

I told Ray that I’m available if he wants someone to talk to, and I wished him good luck. He didn’t text me again.

The coronavirus excuse doesn’t just apply to dating.

I have read various social media posts that feature people bragging about how the pandemic is allowing them to turn down offers to meet up with friends when they rather stay at home. 

The pandemic makes hiding your disinterest in someone easier than ever before, and my experience has taught me that, in 2020, it is the most effective way to reject someone

People can now capitalise on this historic moment in time.

For example, if you don’t want to go to brunch, simply tell friends you’re worried others won’t socially distance. If you don’t want to attend a baby shower, claim that you feel it’s best not to attend so that you can protect the mum-to-be.

And if you don’t want to have sex, tell your other half that worries about the pandemic are making it impossible for you to get in the mood.

The pandemic makes hiding your disinterest in someone easier than ever before, and my experience has taught me that, in 2020, it is the most effective way to reject someone.

If someone fakes concern about having caught the Rona, they’ll be granted 14 days of solitude and space, thanks to social distancing. No questions asked.

Within two weeks of quarantine, the person they’re no longer interested in dating will hopefully just move on to other prospects and the event they missed will no longer be on anyone’s mind.

I hate turning down an invitation just as much as I dislike being questioned about why I don’t want to attend something. Coronavirus is an efficient get out of jail free card because most people won’t interrogate you for details – it’s a plausible excuse.

More: Coronavirus

My date lied and used coronavirus as an excuse to not meet again

When can you book a driving test and what will be different about them?

New lockdown for Oldham, Blackburn and Pendle bans households from meeting

Sometimes we would just rather stay home instead of being social, and that’s a hard thing to tell a friend, family member or date.

No one is saying that coronavirus hasn’t wrought havoc, costing lives and throwing everything we know and love into a state of flux and uncertainty. I also appreciate that to some it may feel odd to use this virus as a line to fob someone off, but so many of us are genuinely fearful of what the future holds, that using this excuse is small fry in the scheme of things.  

Giving someone an excuse, even a poor one, will always be better than ghosting, so I’m not upset about Ray’s lie – in fact I appreciated his dishonesty.

*Name has been changed.

Do you have a story you want to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected].

Share your views in the comments below.

MORE: Falling in love during lockdown gave me the courage to come out as bisexual to my parents

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MORE: My fiancé left me in lockdown and I can’t get over him

[womenofcolor15]

#COVID19 UPDATES: Atlanta Mayor & Brazilian President Test Positive + Texas & NY State Fairs Cancelled + Folks Are Partying It Up Like ‘Rona Is Gone

The Coronavirus pandemic is STILL here and isn’t showing any signs of letting up. Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms and Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro have both confirmed they have tested positive. The State Fair in Texas and New York have been cancelled. Also, tons of videos of people partying have popped up on social media…with no social distancing in sight. Everything inside…

Positive cases of COVI-19 are continuing to rise as states began re-opening a few weeks ago. Cases have surged in several states (at least 30) as bars, gyms, and restaurants were given the greenlight to re-open with social distancing guidelines.

Now, some states are rolling back their re-opening plans and shutting businesses back down as the U.S. creeps up to 3 million confirmed cases following the 4th of July weekend. For example, Miami-Dade county is preparing to shut down indoor dining rooms — once again — due to spiking COVID-19 infections. The mayor's executive order will also close party venues and short-term accommodation rentals. 

In just over a week and a half, positive Coronavirus cases in the U.S. have doubled and we’re still fighting the first wave of the virus.

"We are still knee-deep in the first wave of this," Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, said in a Facebook and Twitter livestream Monday. "I would say, this would not be considered a wave. It was a surge, or a resurgence of infections superimposed upon a baseline ... that really never got down to where we wanted to go."

Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms recently confirmed she tested positive for COVID-19.

COVID-19 has literally hit home. I have had NO symptoms and have tested positive.

— Keisha Lance Bottoms (@KeishaBottoms) July 6, 2020

“COVID-19 has literally hit home,” Mayor Bottoms tweeted. “I have had NO symptoms and have tested positive.”

After the announcement, she went on CNN and revealed she, her husband and one of her four children have tested positive. Another child tested negative, and her other two children still need to be tested. Mayor Bottoms said she got tested because her husband had been sleeping A LOT since last Thursday. She said she mistook her mild symptoms of the virus (headache and dry cough) for allergies.

"I'm still in a state of shock because I don't have any idea how we were exposed," she said. "I'm stunned."

Watch her interview below:

Meanwhile...

The President of Brazil, Jair Bolsonaro, was diagnosed with COVID. He is being treated with hydroxychloroquine and improved his health condition in three days. This may save many lives! pic.twitter.com/ZQgBI9hrYt

— nada acontece feijoada (@vaderthrone) July 7, 2020

Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro also tested positive for Coronavirus after downplaying the virus for months. Womp.

Like Trump, Bolsonaro has been praising the use of Hydroxychloroquine, which the Food and Drug Administration has cautioned against, to help fight the virus. The 65-year-old - who was spotted several times without a mask & hugging supporters - has been promoting the drug - used for malaria - even though it has not been proven effective against the Coronavirus.

"Everyone knew that it would reach a considerable part of the population sooner or later. It was positive for me," he said, referring to the COVID-19 test he took. "On Sunday, I wasn't feeling very well. On Monday, it got worse when I started feeling tired and some muscle pain. I also had a 38-degree [Celsius] fever. Given those symptoms, the presidential doctor said there was suspicion of Covid-19," Jair said, adding that he then went to hospital to receive a lung scan.

Brazil is second to the United States in numbers of coronavirus infections and deaths.

In other Coronavirus news....

It is with a heavy heart that we must announce the #StateFairofTX will not open for the 2020 season. We can’t wait to welcome you back in 2021, in Texas-style of course, with the biggest and the best, “Howdy, Folks!” #BigTex For more info., please visit https://t.co/MUcfN1JeeF pic.twitter.com/OwCRTF3wmg

— State Fair of Texas (@StateFairOfTX) July 7, 2020

Huge news in Texas! The State Fair of Texas has been cancelled in response to the Coronavirus pandemic - the first time since WWII! The State Fair of Texas usually welcomes more than 2.5 million guests for the annual celebration of the Lone Star State. It won't happen this year.

“This was an extremely tough decision. The health and safety of all involved has remained our top priority throughout the decision-making process,” said Gina Norris, board chair for the State Fair of Texas.

“One of the greatest aspects of the Fair is welcoming each and every person who passes through our gates with smiles and open arms. In the current climate of COVID-19, there is no feasible way for the Fair to put proper precautions in place while maintaining the Fair environment you know and love. While we cannot predict what the COVID-19 pandemic will look like in September, the recent surge in positive cases is troubling for all of North Texas. The safest and most responsible decision we could make for all involved at this point in our 134-year history is to take a hiatus for the 2020 season.”

This is the 8th time the fair was canceled in its 134-year history.

Also...

Please see message below from our Director: pic.twitter.com/1jxl2fP2DR

— New York State Fair (@NYSFair) July 6, 2020

Gov. Andrew Cuomo canceled the New York State Fair this year.

The @NYSFair is officially cancelled.

This one hurts — I love the State Fair. But the risk is too high to hold it this summer.

— Andrew Cuomo (@NYGovCuomo) July 6, 2020

“That makes me personally very unhappy, but that is where we are,” Gov. Cuomo said during a recent press conference. “This is a really tough one.”

He had to cancel the fair since the state still hasn't fully re-opened. It has been over 70 years since the last time the New York State Fair was cancelled.

New York is still fiercely battling the virus (once the epicenter of the virus), however, numbers are starting to go down:

Today's update on the numbers:

56,736 tests were performed yesterday. 588 tests came back positive (1.04% of total).

Total hospitalizations are at 836.

Sadly, there were 10 COVID fatalities yesterday. pic.twitter.com/jIrhsg3Txc

— Andrew Cuomo (@NYGovCuomo) July 7, 2020

Meanwhile, Los Angeles officials are looking to fine businesses who do NOT comply with the county's Coronavirus protocols.

Deadline reports:

Los Angeles Public Health Director Barbara Ferrer indicated last Monday that businesses are a large contributor to the continued growth of COVID-19. Many business are not requiring masks or physical distancing, she said. Ferrer reported that during inspections two weekends ago, 49 percent of bars and 33 percent of restaurants were found to be violating physical distancing requirements, while 54 percent of bars and 44 percent of restaurants were failing to meet face mask/shield mandates for employees.

Gotta do what you have to do to keep this curve down. 

As COVID-19 numbers rise, people are out in these streets partying like we're not in the thick of a pandemic.

Compound really put a pool inside the club

Coronavirus is here to stay pic.twitter.com/ByukzEy39E

— (@TheJessieWoo) July 6, 2020

In Atlanta, Compound night club added a pool inside the venue. And let's just say there wasn't ANY social distancing and not one mask in sight. Obvi.

Peep the video above.

they had a WHOLE pool party inside of Compound .. during a pandemic .. just look at this lmfao pic.twitter.com/bnwC2jLfST

— Creative (@iamcreatve) July 6, 2020

We're SO confused why anyone who think this is acceptable during a pandemic where health officials have been asking people to social distance and wear masks to slow down the spread of the virus.

Even before they added the pool, the club was jam packed with partygoers:

May the best immune system win. Atlanta giving zero fucks. pic.twitter.com/0TsMyXHabZ

— ZaddyMackDaddy (@QshonBuckingham) July 4, 2020

ATL wasn't the only place turning up amid the pandemic:

What’s happening in Fire Island is why Covid will never be controlled or manageable. People are so fucking selfish.

pic.twitter.com/wURGfUKvpf

— jonah jill (@jonah_jill) July 5, 2020

People gathered on Fire Island in New York to party it up over the 4th of July weekend.... with no social distancing.

And it gets worse...

So this guy has COVID sitting on the beach on fire island... great pic.twitter.com/q5CtUOXdbT

— Logan Hardcore (@loganxhardcore) July 5, 2020

Corey Hannon - dubbed COVID Corey - was on the scene for the turn up on the Long Island shoreline. While at the party, he hopped on social mediato reveal he was still in recovery from a presumed case of COVID-19. Bruh.

“F *c k you Miss Rona. I thought I was cured,” he wrote on his Facebook account on July 4th. He said after his diagnoiss he sat in his apartment for 8 days and now he's celebrating.

Not this grown ass man having a meltdown because people are calling him out for being on a beach in Fire Island with COVID talmbout “I sat in my room and suffered for 8 days and now I’m celebrating” LMFAOOO WORMS FOR BRAINS pic.twitter.com/UVgMJ0Qsee

— John Clyde (@johnclydenyc) July 5, 2020

After getting dragged on social media, he apologized. Of course.

Here’s my apology, comments, and my story. Because I failed to mention dates of my COVID timeline here they are:...

Posted by Corey Hannon on Sunday, July 5, 2020

Common sense CLEARLY isn't common. The selfishness of people is nauseating at this point.

Also...

Sorry MAGA & other conservatives, this is from Forbes https://t.co/JzubKyQqI2

— Auntie Fa (@CNj65) July 3, 2020

Trump and his MAGA cronies would like you to believe the surge in Coronavirus cases is due to the recent protests against police brutality, but science says that's not true.

Researchers say protests did NOT increase the spread of COVID-19. Forbes reports:

Protests against systemic racism held in 300-plus U.S. cities following the death of George Floyd did not cause a significant increase in coronavirus infections, according to a team of economists who have published their findings in a 60-page paper released by the National Bureau of Economic Research; these somewhat surprising results are supported by Covid-19 testing data in many populous cities where demonstrations were held.

You can read more about the study here.

That's that on that. Please keep following the Coronavirus safety guidelines so this virus can be gone for good! At the rate we're going, 'Rona is going to be with us for a while.

Stay safe everyone!

Photo: Keisha's IG

[Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2020/07/07/covid19-updates-atlanta-mayor-brazilian-president-test-positive-texas-ny-state-fairs-canc

[talhaghafoor2019-blog]

Olivia Newton-John Reveals Secret Cancer Diagnosis She Hid From The World – Country Music Nation

The longtime superstar and entertainment icon revealed her heartbreaking cancer diagnosis to the world just shortly after she canceled a series of concerts so that she could focus on treatment and overcome the disease.

This was back in May 2017 – and Olivia Newton-John had explained that doctors had discovered metastasized breast cancer at the base of her spine. And in a new interview, she’s opening up about the one cancer diagnosis she kept hidden – for years.

#OliviaNewtonJohn opens up about her heartbreaking cancer diagnosis. #PrayForONJpic.twitter.com/Z3IlMiKVrK

— FanzForever (@forever_fanz) September 10, 2018

“Olivia Newton-John is reluctantly postponing her June U.S. and Canadian concert tour dates. The back pain that initially caused her to postpone the first half of her concert tour, has turned out to be breast cancer that has metastasized to the sacrum,“ a press release from 2017 read, in part.

During that part of her life and exploring treatment options for the newest cancer battle, Newton-John did not grant interviews – instead, her team explained she was expecting to pick things back up later in the year and go from there.

Now, Australia’s Sunday Night has shared one of the very first interviews with Newton-John since that diagnosis, and their reporter Alex Cullen, traveled to her estate in Santa Barbara, California for this one-of-a-kind sit down.

View this post on Instagram

It’s a privilege to bring you our story on @therealonj this @sundaynighton7. One of the sweetest, kindest, toughest, most generous woman I’ve had the honour of interviewing. A true star. A big perk of this job is meeting people like Olivia and we can’t thank her enough for sharing her story with us. Her work with the Olivia Newton-John Cancer Wellness and Research Centre is inspiring to say the least and you can donate to this wonderful cause by going to the website www.onjcancercentre.org. And don’t forget the @wellnesswalkandresearchrun on Sunday September 16. All the details on the website. You don’t want to miss this story featuring Sir Cliff Richard, Sir Barry Gibb, Didi Conn, Pat and John Farrar, Tottie Goldsmith, Delta Goodrem and Olivia’s wonderful husband John Easterling, a top fella! See you this Sunday Night at 8pm. #olivianewtonjohn #olivianewtonjohnofficial #ONJ #grease #greaselightning #grease40thanniversary #onjcancercentre @onjcancercentre #onjcancerandwellness #sandy #sandradee #1978 #australianmusic #legend #beegees #cliffrichard #olivianewtonjohnforever #barrygibb #frenchy #deltagoodrem

A post shared by Alex Cullen (@alextcullen) on Sep 6, 2018 at 9:28pm PDT

Olivia Newton-John was first diagnosed with breast cancer way back in 1992. She successfully beat that fight with this terrible disease and went on to create a hospital and wellness center in Melbourne, Australia.

The Olivia Newton-John Cancer and Wellness Centre has been a beacon of hope for many Australians who are faced with the disease – and Newton-John is known to stop by the hospital and visit patients on occasion.

In this new interview, Newton-John opened up for the very first time about her second cancer diagnosis in 2013 – the one she kept secret from the world, even when she came out about her current fight against the breast cancer that was discovered in her spine.

Olivia Newton-John reveals she's battling cancer for the third time https://t.co/TYt3VxmCPUpic.twitter.com/5DCNn1nnwt

— billboard (@billboard) September 9, 2018

On a drive to visit her sister Rona just weeks before she died from an aggressive form of brain cancer, Newton-John was involved in a car accident…and the medical discovery nearly shattered her world.

“…and the seatbelt hit me really hard,” Newton-John told Sunday Night in an emotional reveal. “And a lump came up and I went to see the doctor. We thought it was something to do with the accident…Time went on and it turned out to be more than that.”

The lump in her right shoulder was discovered to be a return of the breast cancer that she thought she’d beaten – more than 20 years earlier.

She chose to keep this new diagnosis a secret from the world.

“The first time I talked about it…and the second time I thought ‘Well, I don’t really need to share this. It’s not something I need to share with people. It’s my life’ – and I just decided to keep it to myself.”

While she kept it to herself, she treated it successfully using conventional therapies and natural remedies to boost her immune system – but little did she know the cancer would return in 2017 after it spread to her lower back.

Our thoughts and prayers are with this international icon and wonderful human who has worked so hard to help many others in their own cancer battles.

Watch her full interview with Sunday Night below.

This content was originally published here.