#feelings you can't describe

[eneabastianini]

It's been almost a year since my last post but I can't not talk about this.

F1 is trying to make a big deal about being more progressive, making a safe place for women. And how do they do that? By grossly mishandling a potential sexual assault case at the start of the season. Allowing Patrick Mahomes to buy shares of Alpine after repeatedly defending his brother's sexual battery case. Allowing James Charles into the paddock, someone with multiple allegations involving underage boys.

AND INVITING DONALD TRUMP.

edit to add: Camila Cabello is a racist and so is Jake Paul who are also at this race

#f1 #i'm disgusting #and disappointed #but not surprised #i can't even begin to describe my anger right now #my chest feels tight #formula 1 #miami gp 2024 #I want to know the thought process #like??? #how do you even justify that

[baileyrb]

Liberosis

n. the desire to care less about things—to loosen your grip on your life, to stop glancing behind you every few steps, afraid that someone will snatch it from you before you reach the end zone—rather to hold your life loosely and playfully, like a volleyball, keeping it in the air, with only quick fleeting interventions, bouncing freely in the hands of trusted friends, always in play.

#liberosis #feelings you can't describe #emotion

[inkskinned]

it is hard to explain without sounding vain or stupid - but the more attractive others find you, the more you're allowed to do. the easier your life is.

i have been on both sides of this. i am queer and cuban. i grew up poor. for a long time i didn't know "how" to dress - and i still don't. i make my sister pick out any important outfits. i have adhd in spades: i was never "cool and quiet", i was the weird kid who didn't understand how "normal" people behave. i was bullied so hard that the "social outcasts" wouldn't even talk to me.

i got my teeth straightened. i cut my hair and learned how to style it. i got into makeup. it didn't matter, at first, if i actually liked what i was doing - it mattered how people responded to it. like a magic trick; the right dress and winged eyeliner and suddenly i was no longer too weird for all of it. i could wear the ugly pokemon shirt and it was just "ironic" or a "cute interest."

when i am seen as pretty, people listen. they laugh at my jokes. they allow me to be weird and a little spacey. i can trust that if i need something, people will generally help me. privilege suddenly rushes in: pretty does buy things. pretty people get treated more gently.

i am the same ugly little girl, is the thing. still odd. still not-quite-fitting-in. still scrambling. still angry and afraid and full of bad things. of course it became my obsession. of course i stopped eating. i had seen, in real time, the exact way it could change my life - simply always be perfect, and things can be easy. people will "overlook" all the other things. i used to have panic attacks at the idea others would see me without makeup - what would they think? even for a simple friend hangout, i'd spend a few hours getting ready. after all, it seemed so obvious to me: these people liked me because i was pretty.

i worry about how much i'm being a bad activist: i understand that "pretty" is determined by white, het, cis, able-bodied hegemonies. if i was really an ally, wouldn't i rally against all of this? recently there's been a "clean girl" trend which copies latinx aesthetics: dark slicked-back hair, hoop earrings. i almost never wear my hair like that; i can hear the middle school guidance counsellor advising me that i might fare better if i toned it down on the culture.

the problem is that i can take pretty on and off. that i have seen how different my life is on a day where i try and a day where i don't. i told my therapist i want to believe the difference is confidence, but it's not. and when you have seen it, you can't unsee it. it lives inside your brain. it rots there; taunting. i get rewarded for following the rules. i am punished for breaking them. end of story.

pretty people can get what they want. pretty people can feel confident without others asking where they got their nerve from. pretty people can be weird and different. pretty people get to have emotions; it's different when they get aggressive, it's pretty when they cry with frustration.

of course people care about this. of course it has crawled into you. of course you want to be seen as attractive. it's not vanity: it's self-preservation.

#pretty in this post is a stand in for . literally all forms of normativity #warm up #tbd maybe idk #ps! hi!! i'm queer!!!!!!!!! it is how i identify! if you tag this 'q slur' i will fight you!!! #i am using it here in the EXACT way it is NOT a slur !! i am identifying as a queer person! #this is EXACTLY how people reclaim it !!! #it's like practically ACADEMIC in this usage!! #please do any reading into what the fuck the history of the word ''queer'' is before telling me #as someone identifying as queer #that i'm a slur. that the place i find comfort in is a slur #''well it makes me uncomfortable if people use it for me'' #im sorry to hear that dude. that sucks. i hope things get easier for you soon #but you don't get to take it from ME #in case you can't tell by the REST of this piece #i DID hear queer used as slur against me. i DID get bullied with it. i DID hear a lot of shit said #i also heard it about lesbians #about ''being gay'' #about pretty much any fucking term that could describe me. #i like queer. i like how it feels. and it's mine. #you don't get to undo the work i've done personally because it makes u uncomfortable #it's ahistoric to pretend like there are ''safe'' ways to identitfy if ur queer. #none exist. it has never been safe to be like this.

[spielzeugkaiser]

Ciri feels a bit like she's been in the way, once Geralt and Milek become closer - like she held him back somehow.

The thing I think is crucial about this - things went wrong and Geralt missed out on seeing Milek growing up - but Geralt is a dad. The parallels are there.

#geraskier #jaskier #geralt of rivia #geraskier lovechild #the witcher #what I want to get at is that Geralt had Ciri pretty much from Mileks birth on #and the thing is #the THING IS if you look at the timelines #with Cintra burning down happening and Sodden and Geralt searching for Ciri - even if he had known #even if Jaskier had told him and he had been happy about it #he probably wouldn't have been there for Mileks birth #because he would have been trying to get to Cintra #and he absolutely wouldn't have taken Jaskier #he even might have not taken them later to KM either (to protect them) #so either way it would have been messy because Geralt would have gotten two kids at nearly the same time #this why that feels a lot like the parent trap in my mind sometimes even if I can't describe how #pfppfpf #OF COURSE it would have been sooooo much different for Jaskier #but I do think all of that is something he learns from Yennefer later #and it stings but he is also glad that Geralt took care of his child surprise #so for Jaskier there is always the thought too of. Geralt is already doing it all #trying to handle things #and they would be... additional

[tapakah0]

"Bring me back to bright days" Little gift(?) with Big thank you to @somerandomdudelmao for bringing me happiness over little things

(References)

#cass apocalyptic series #Just thank you I can't describe it with other words I feel so much while reading it because I think oh god it's funny oh god wait #it's bad no oh god she'd already thought about it from the beggining! I wanna them to be happy... #I'm waiting on a miracle #please #rottmnt #rise of the turtles #rise of the tmnt #somerandomdudelmao

[arthursfuckinghat]

There's always the fear of forgetting the faces of loved ones that passed away, but visiting the old camps as John and hearing the echoes of people he knew hurts in a different way.

John may forget parts of his brother, but he'll never forget his voice.

He'll never forget the voices of the people he once saw as a family, for better or for worse, he is haunted by these echoes of the past.

#I didn't know this was a thing until I heard Arthur's voice in horseshoe overlook and I nearly dropped my controller #and after looking it up it turns out there's echoes in all the camps #god hearing arthurs voice in the epilogues #I cannot describe that feeling #I had the “you can't be two people at once” line #I just sat there for a solid 10 minutes questioning whether I'm hearing things or not and I just cried #I even looked around to see if he was there #but it's just voices #oh john #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #mick squeaks #mick thinks #arthur morgan #john marston #red dead redemption community #red dead redemption 2 spoilers #oh arthur

[one-bunny-a-day]

28/08/2023

today's bunny is... its uhm.... its..........

#daily bunny #240 #standalone bunny #creepy #this feels like a those growth flashgames but like #if you tried to make a digital horror creepypasta out of them #'guys remember that grow flash game with the bunny? it was kinda weird wasnt it' #and then it like describes how the stuff you add look normal but they just make the bunny more and more fucked up till it eats you or somet #idk why I've been in a mood for creepy bunnies I think I'm just kinda stressed DHKJHGK #I can't promise to stop

[mishoru]

Don't you think I look pretty curled up on this bathroom floor?

#when I had the idea for this drawing it was about overcomig/living in spite of mental illness #mainly depression #However #while sketching I started to feel a weird nostalgia for all the nights I did spend on the bathroom floor utterly powerless #hopeless #This sinking pit of sadness in my stomach #that can't quite be described #that is always on the brink of consuming you #truly and fully #That drains the world of all it's color and drops you into a sea of uncertainty from which you can't quite escape #but that you also won't fully drown in #Endlessly suspended in a state of unbreathing but still alive #I haven't had a night like that in a while #If you do know that you are not alone and these nights too will pass. #I copied the text I wrote on instagram I hope that is okay #drawing perspective oof #illustration #art #self portrait #procreate #vent art #overcoming depression #the amazing devil lyrics #personal art

[front-facing-pokemon]

#galarian slowpoke #picture this. this was the first pokémon revealed from the new DLCs for pokémon sword and shield. the pokémon company #up until this point‚ has never done DLC for a pokémon game before. you‚ having been jaded by shitty DLCs for other games in the past #now have a distaste for the phrase‚ and imagine this can't be good. then‚ in their teaser for the new DLC‚ they add a little event #into the game where they reveal one of the new pokémon that is going to be added in the DLC #and it is a galarian form. that is identical to the original pokémon. but with a yellow head #are you imagining it. now how fucking disappointed are you. how little faith do you have in that DLC that it's going to be as good as it wa #for the most part‚ the pokémon company has demonstrated that they do absolutely excellent DLCs. proper expansions #basically an entire other game on top of the game you already have. and they typically take up the release cycle of a full game #scarlet/violet's especially. WONDERFUL dlc. i never really properly finished the crown tundra just because i was so late to the party #because i avoided buying the dlc for so long because of this experience that i've just described to you #that by the time i bought it and played it‚ it was just because SV had been announced and i wanted more pokémon to tide me over #and i never finished it. one of these days‚ i'd like to go back and finish it‚ but i'm playing through pokémon xd gale of darkness right no #and i prefer to play. one game at a time. and i don't know when i'll ever really get back to it #or if i'll ever get back to it! 'cause without resetting my save file all the way i'll just have to Remember what it is that already happen #which i'm. notoriously bad at when it comes to coming back to games that i haven't played in a while #plus i know sv is like shitty performance or whatever but the movement in that game is so much better #it feels so much more freeing than going back to gen 8 where you can still just. run. and that's it #i know nobody likes scarlet/violet but i still. like it. performance aside. like yes the performance is terrible but i still had a great #time with it. i just praised its DLC for fuck's sake! its DLC was fuckin wonderful! it has kieran in it so it like can't be bad

[teatimeatwinterpalace]

Empress Charlotte of Mexico

#empress charlotte of mexico #austria #mexico #ok i'm going to sound a bit crazy but #this photograph of charlotte isn't it striking? #she looks somehow modern #i don't know if it is the quality of the photo that amplify this feeling #but it is as if you would expect her to move and speak #i can't seem to find the right word #to describe the peculiar emotions this photo evoke in me

[bumblingbabooshka]

[Tuvok & Janeway: Control, Distance, Duty & Connection.] Sources: St Voyager Transcripts / Mitski 'First Love Late Spring' / Disco Elysium

#web weaving #star trek web weaving #st voyager #Kathryn Janeway #Tuvok #be the change you want to see in the world - make a long post about Tuvok & Janeway's similarities <- angel on my shoulder #I feel like a lot of people see them as 'opposites attract' sort of friends where Janeway is unhinged & Tuvok reigns her in #but in reality I think that while there is that element in there (exacerbated HEAVILY by their delta quad circumstances) #what I see most in their relationship is how they both value loyalty and duty above all and are extremely rigid with themselves #and the people around them. How they both have to maintain distance from others bc of their positions as captain & vulcan #I hate when people dismiss Tuvok as not being remotely interested in Maryana or Noss - it erases an interesting struggle that he and Janewa #both share - their desire to stay loyal to their spouses vs the 70 years of loneliness that that loyalty demands of them #But they BOTH triumph and they BOTH remain loyal (Tuvok until he returns to T'Pel and Janeway until Mark informs her that it's over) #and for both of them it's a little bit insane for them to do that. #Isn't it more interesting that Janeway and Tuvok both have feelings for people other than their spouses but don't give in #to that temptation? #They're both people who live very fastidiously by codes. Either written codes or moral codes - they very rarely if ever do things because #it's what THEY want to do. I'd say they're the least emotion-driven members of the crew and yes I'm including Seven because Seven #has a very...how to describe? It's a blunt and insular selfishness. She does what SHE wants to do and doesn't really care about others. #To me that's emotion-driven. Or...personal desire-driven? Not a bad thing at all but very different from Janeway & Tuvok who #are always more 'this is logical' or 'this is for the crew' rarely do they think 'this is what I want' bc they can't afford to #for different reasons (captain & vulcan) #they both also are in the most 'caretaking' positions on the ship from my POV. Security and Captain - both are directly in charge of #ship and crew safety. #Janeway & Tuvok #star trek voyager #st voy #when I say caretaking I'm NOT saying they're everyone's mom and dad or whatever - I'm saying they're in positions where they always #have to think about the greater good and the crew as a whole and how much danger is acceptable etc etc. #Janeway is always killing herself for the crew but Tuvok is right there beside her

[brooklynisher]

Normally I keep these short little barely edited videos to TikTok, but I feel like Tumblr needs to see this too

There you go

#you guys don't understand #this gives me so many thoughts and feelings #but I can't even begin to describe one of them #I might as well be crazy atp #steam powered giraffe #spg #the spine spg #hatchworth #vintage!rabbit #rabbit spg #tiktok stuffs #like OHH #WOAHHH #YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT #WHAT #my stuff

[aurosoulart]

man this thing is crazy. I can’t show off half the things it does because the video/casting software needs some updates, but like....... I spent the morning sitting under a TREE creating 3d models IN THIN AIR.

it was absolutely surreal being surrounded by birdsong, warm sunlight, being able to see every leaf on the trees around me crystal clear....... AND being able to see AND INTERACT WITH virtual objects on top of reality with that same clarity.

just..... literal, real-life holograms. out in nature. words honestly cannot do it justice.

anyways. my new life goal is to get a solar-powered backpack charger and then never go inside again 🌳🌲🌴🍃

#auropost #i legitimately feel like i'm dreaming #like it is SO difficult to describe what it does to your brain to reach out towards an object #that all of your visual perception tells you is REAL #AND THEN IT'S NOT THERE #BUT IT IS THERE?? BECAUSE YOU CAN WALK AROUND IT AND MOVE IT #you just can't TOUCH it #...../yet/ #i can't even think about haptic gloves right now my head will explode #anyways uh #look forward to tonight's stream LOL i cannot guarantee i will be in any less shock

[decolonize-the-left]

There are true crime tik toks about her. And even one of ppl trying to visit her apartment. The crime scene.

Sometimes idk what this blog is for. I can't reach everyone and sometimes it feels like none of us will ever be human enough for settlers to treat us as human. I'm so tired of begging for the bare minimum and being told it's too much while bodies that look just like mine pile up.

#idk #i can't describe the feeling inside me right now but anger and grief and disappointment are definitely there #mmiw #personal #working thru something #if u are a tru crimer just know my reaction to you is the same as it is to rotten fruit; disgusting #ojibwe #native #settler colonialism

[tapakah0]

I'M SORRY I don't like to put something little mine with the great stories I love so much but *inhales* @somerandomdudelmao, @kathaynesart, are you okay with doing this???? *Puts you both in the "Bucket of suffering"*

#rottmnt #cass apocalyptic series #somerandomdudelmao #replica #kathaynesart #life of violence era #BUT WITHOUT jokes I JUST CAN'T DESCRIBE HOW MUCH EMOTIONS I GET FROM YOUR COMICS #THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU #I mean you're the reason I can stay up all night drawing something or wake up veeeery early just to look if there's an update #**** I'm being clingy again sorry #I've got enough powers and gotta speedrun animatic because I feel like after these 2 chapters I'll need to start something bigger... #Replica my sunshine I'm waiting for opportunity to catch this sparks of joy to do something for you

[a-s-levynn]

(source)

#sleep token #here is a thing #there are certain moments when Vessel looks.. no he rather feels.. small #i mean his.. aura? presence? but not in the non-captivating way but as in an emotionally vulnerable way #i don't really have the words to describe this but just like on this picture #bear with me for a minute because this is either gonna sound completely unhinged or make some sort of sense #it's probably just me having a little more time on my hand than i should and just want to see things but.. #sometimes he feels so present in a here-i-am as-i-am take-me-as-you-will this-is-all-i-am i-can't-give-more-nor-less it's-just-me sorta way #he feels so human in the rawest sense possible and yet so deep in character maybe even more so than when he creatures or teefs and all #like.. he is just vessel in it's simplicity and without the 'divine' if you will.. simply just vessel #in his barest of existance #a shadow of someone who used to be but not quite anymore #he is in pieces and it is willingly laid bare under the mask and all that bodypaint oh so clear to see for anyone #and that is not the outstreched hand of you-are-not-alone but the outstreched soul that cries you-can-find-yourself-in-me #and that is what i find so heartbreaking about him #this kind if raw openness because the lore says vessel is a conduit for sleep #for us vessel (and the the others) is the conduit of our emotions #and he is there somewhere inbetween the truths #just him a simple human being who sometimes seems to wish not to be human which makes him more human than anything #and that is what i can't describe better than 'sometimes he feels small' and at time even maybe makes me cry a little