#get bad eyesight first asshole!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tojjist · 8 months

Text

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗮𝗱𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘁 - 𝗝. 𝗘𝗴𝗼

jinpachi ego x f! reader

tags: pwp, unintentional exhibitionism, semi-public sex, ego being an asshole, degradation, reverse cowgirl (kinda), mentions of masturbation (third person(s)), dacryphilia if you squint, marking/bruising, humiliation, unprotected sex, creampie, vaginal sex, slight objectification of reader.

note: this is my first ever fully-written smut so uh yeah forgive my lack of description and experience. also kinda rushed write it at like 3am in maybe an hour. Likes and reblogs are highly appreciated! minors, ageless & blank blogs dni

“ego-san! eguhh—!”

your hips thrust; up, down. up, down. moving against his length. ego’s long fingers were digging into the soft skin of your hips, forcing harsher movement as your walls swallowed him whole.

“such a fucking slut,” he whispered into your ear, his breath hot against your sensitive skin. “taking my cock like a champ, that’s how you like it, huh? wanna get fucked ‘til ya can’t see?”

you don’t respond to his harsh words, too focused on the pleasure. your hips kept thrusting but you weren’t doing all the work; ego knew you wouldn’t be able to move on your own when he’s balls deep inside you.

but, jinpachi ego doesn’t take well to being ignored. if he asks you a question he expects you to respond.

one of his hands curls in your hair, harshly fisting it as he stops helping you move. naturally, your movements become sloppy and sleazy over his cock, still attempting to enjoy his length despite the way he’s gripping your hair and turning your face, forcing you to look at him.

“answer, sweerheart. wanna hear my little doll’s response, hm? don’t leave me waiting, whore.”

it was so astonishing how easily his vocabulary swapped. to him you were but a little fucktoy for him to enjoy. he didn’t have to make you feel good, which he did. you at least owe him an answer.

“y-yes, egoh-san,” you blabbered, barely able to keep your sanity together.

it is embarrassing; you’re a strong woman of a high position, yet the highest position you can get with this man is riding his cock like a slut. how he knew all your weaknesses you don’t know. jinpachi ego is a wonder and as much as you’d like to explore him, it’s clear he’s the only one getting any exploring here. you’re only there to serve, to drool and moan as he fucks you stupid.

but unbeknownst to either of you, it is broadcasted all over the blue lock.

you knew having sex right in front of the the controls was a bad idea. god, you begged him so much to just drop it and have sex somewhere else.

but ego insisted to do something he’s seen in some porno, sitting on his chair while you’re on top of him. the leather chair was whining under you two as you moved. you would have been worried about it breaking if you weren’t too busy getting fucked.

and now you’re both paying for ego’s selfishness. it was you, huffing and moaning, your breasts jiggling up and down as he had lifted the shirt off them. one every screen of every room. everyone was watching now.

and the boys? oh, they were devouring the broadcast. how could they not when your soft begs echo through almost every room of the pentagon shaped building?

seriously, these controls should be more complicated. yet one wrong move is all it took you and now 300 young men are watching you sob.

“ego-san—! ‘m close! close!!”

your tears weren’t many, but the ones that fell were fat, blurring your eyesight and arousing jinpachi oh so much.

“feels good-“ he groaned slightly at the way your hips move faster, teeth clenching agaist each other. “feels good, slut? ya like my c-cock in you— fuck-“

the way your face reddened and your moans became even more pitched was definitely the finishing line for most of the boys, watching as one of ego’s fingers rubbed at your pretty nipple, squeezing your breast then pinching the darker skin in the middle.

with a final sob, a final thrust, and a final breath, your release came. your head jerked back as your spine arched, moaning especially loud now. ego groaned as your gummy walls tightened around him, teeth clamping against the plush skin of your neck. he made sure to leave his mark on you; dark bruises on your neck as he bites so hard it almost draws blood.

one would be a fool to think that jinpachi was helping you ride out your orgasm. his name is ego. no one matters, not even you. he was only chasing his own release, wearing you out until his cock twitched under the pleasureful pressure, shooting white paint across the walls of your tight cunt. the lewd noises of skin slapping against each other remained loud, echoing across the monitor room as jinpachi rocked your hips back and forth until he couldn’t anymore.

“get up.”

“what?” you squeak innocently ant his harsh demand. you were barely just catching your breath.

“ya heard me, don’t make me say it again. get up.”

if there is one thing you learnt from being ego’s personal stress reliever, it’s to obey. no questions asked. he demands, you answer.

and you are one good lap dog. you allow him to mush and shape you however he likes because, for some reason, it felt so fucking good.

you didn’t have to be told another time, twice is a lot. you stand up without question, back facing jinpachi as you wait. was it anticipation or dread pooling in your stomach? you weren’t sure.

“bend over.”

his words were absolute. but this time you went rigid, not moving an inch.

“did you not hear me?” “ego-san..”

ego stands up, hand finding your head roughly as he begins to push it down. “when i tell you to bend over you fucking-“

he noticed it too.

there was a small red light, coming on and off, indicating that this is in fact getting recorded.

“shit…”

#Jinpachi ego #Ego jinpachi #Syd.writes #Syd.nsf #Blue lock #Blue lock smut #Ego x reader #Ego smut #Jinpachi ego smut #Bllk #Bllk x reader #Bllk x you #Bllk smut #Ego x reader smut #Blue lock x reader smut

319 notes · View notes

red-dead-do-over246 · 1 year

Note

I'm in love with your witings , You are really talented ♡♡ ! , and I was wondering if you could write something like How will the gang members [arthur,dutch,micah,and anyone you like] react to f!reader who wears glasses because she had a very bad eyesight? (she's very insecure about it) and its fine if you dont want to

Thank you anon!💖💖 I think I will also add Sean to this list XD

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Gang Members (Arthur, Dutch, Micah, and Sean) React to Fem!Reader Who Wears Glasses Because of Poor Eyesight

Arthur Morgan

-We all know it's hard for Arthur to express himself a lot of the time, especially when it's around a lady as pretty as yourself. When he first notices your glasses, he pretends he doesn't notice as to not make you feel weird or anything.

-But he's a piss poor actor (Hosea's working on it), so you just make a comment yourself to reel him back in.

-You explain how poor your eyesight is without them, and that you need them to see practically anything. You were insecure about it, so Arthur's hesitation was well intended. But you could also sense that Arthur was going to be awkward until you told him.

-Sometimes he overreacts and thinks you are deathly blind, which leaves you embarrassed and having to remind him that you are just fine with your glasses.

-He's a respectful man to those he likes, so you knew you had nothing to worry about when it came to him teasing you or something. Arthur still noticed your discomfort and apologized if it was his fault.

-This led you guys to having long thoughtful discussions about insecurities and what not. The two of you trusted each other, so there was no worries. Just closure.

-And if anyone dared make a comment on your glasses, Arthur would send one of his sharp insults their way to shut them up.

Dutch van der Linde

-Dutch is a master with words and charm, and he takes interest to nearly every female body in camp, you included. To be honest, Dutch didn't even notice your glasses at first. All he paid attention to was the books you were reading.

-It takes a comment from Hosea to you about your glasses (cause you trusted the olde man), to make Dutch realize that you don't only wear them when you read.

-Dutch being Dutch confronted you smoothly on the matter. He was a curious man after all and none of his other gang members seemed to wear glasses. You were shy about answering. Not only were you insecure about the whole thing, but this was also Dutch here.

-You eventually were conned into telling him, Dutch using all his pretty words into making you cave. You were ashamed that he wouldn't want you here because you couldn't basically do anything without your glasses.

-But Dutch seemed to find you more endearing, like a fragile flower.

-He doesn't bring your glasses up again, acting like they aren't even there for the sake of your self-esteem. However, you can catch him staring at some points, like you were a deer who would bolt if he dare made a move.

-But not words were ever brought up by anyone ever. He made sure of that, and he made sure to give you some books now and again to keep a smile on your face.

Micah Bell

-We all know that Micah would be an absolute asshole at first. He may be a bit "softer" on the women, but he picks out anything he sees as a weakness and attacks. Some others know about your glasses, but when they notice that he notices, they get worried.

-He practically snatches them from your face, causing you to shriek as he examines them with a squint in his eyes.

-Your sudden fear is what shocks him the most, not understanding why losing (what he considers) such a stupid trinket would cause you to panic. When you tell him that you can't see, he gives them back to you as you scramble to put them on. Of course, he makes a sly comment.

-Did he give them back to you out of pity? Fear of getting Dutch on his ass? Something else? Micah himself didn't really know. All he did know is that your eyesight was very poor, which is why you never went out on any missions.

-It takes a couple days, but he eventually works up the stomach to apologize to you. It's forced and not very convincing, but it was enough to get you to admit why you freaked out, confirming what he thought.

-It was a weird conversation to have with him because Micah never seemed like a caring type. But then, after a moment, he asked if they really worked, so you offered to have him try them on. This was the one time that you seemed to smile with him, especially when he said he was more blind with them on.

-He may tease you from time to time, raising your insecurities somewhat. But eventually, the nickname "four eyes" became something of a term of endearment. In the end, he actually offers to teach you how to shoot.

Sean Macguire

-Sean is the most endearing little bean that makes everyone smile. He is probably the only one who makes you forget about your insecurities because he is so good at making you laugh and feeling like you are special.

-But he's also someone who won't leave you alone when he becomes interested in something. So when he sees your glasses, he's glued to you.

-Sean's instincts tell him to compliment you because your a woman, but his childish curiosity tells him to ask about your glasses. So, he does both at the same time. Telling you how pretty you look with your glasses.

-Of course, this leaves you as a flustered mess, so you eventually tell him that they aren't there for show but rather you need them to see because you are practically blind without them. Sean doesn't really understand and takes the glasses from your face to look at them.

-Sensing your worry, he puts them on his own face and jokingly asks if their magic and will help him read better. His goal to make you giggle is a success, so he hands your lifeline back to you.

-Sean sees himself as the only one who gets permission to bring up your glasses, so anyone else who does (even if it's an innocent comment) get to face him and his Irish accent stating how no one else but him gets to talk to you like that.

-He's the one who makes you feel better about your glasses, and you love how much he loves to make you smile. Your insecurity is almost nonexistent around him. God bless Sean for being in your life.

247 notes · View notes

u-n-lucky-being · 9 months

Text

𝔐𝔲𝔡𝔡𝔩𝔢𝔡 𝔅𝔦𝔫𝔡𝔰

Part 1: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢

INFJ x ENTP

Tags: f!INFJ, m!ENTP, ft. m!ENTJ, ENTJ is an asshole in this one (sorry to all my ENTJ who are not machiavellian tyrants <3 love you all), lovers to enemies (kinda), kingdom setting, there’s an insurgence, kind of historical fiction (…I think? I’m not sure how this genre is called), angst, betrayal, threats of torture, threats of murder, mentions of murder, threats of rape (nothing explicit, I promise), mentions of violence, mentions of war, curse words are used, I’m bad at tagging, this was supposed to be a oneshot but I think it will end up having at least three parts :’) hurt no comfort (comfort in the next parts), I don’t know what else to add, please tell me if I should add anything else.

Word count: 3.6k

Summary: INFJ had been stupid enough to trust the wrong person, and now was paying the consequences. Not only was her life at risk, but also the entire cause she had been fighting for. All because she allowed herself to be fooled by someone’s lies… but, perhaps there had been some truth in them. For ENTP everything had gone according to his and ENTJ’s plan, except for the fact that he now regretted everything. Willing to right his wrongs, he decides to start a new, riskier plan.

(Part 2: 𝔚𝔥𝔞𝔱 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔲𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢)

(Part 3: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔴𝔢r𝔢)

(Part 4: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢)

A/N: Ok, so this started as: “Oh, people suggests using the MBTI cognitive functions to built a more realistic character” went into “Haha some people has turned the MBTI stereotypes into characters; how cute”, then “And they ship them? I mean, weird ig, but ok…”, to “;-; why am I getting invested in these ships?” and somehow ended up here :D (Seriously after the biggest writer block of my life my brain decided to pull an allnighter to plan out and write THIS?) Just wanted to clarify that this is based on the MBTI stereotypes and tailored for the role I assigned them in this story, so please don’t feel offended if you happen to have the same MBTI as any of them but would never act like them. The same thing about shipping- I’m just shipping the stereotyped-characters. With all of that said… I have NO idea how I ended up with this angsty mess but… hope someone out there will like it I guess. English is not my first language so I apologize if anything sounds funny. Feel free to leave any feedback, as it is very appreciated.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There she was. Vulnerable, defeated, humilliated, but above everything else: hurt.

As she laid in the cold floor forced to kneel to the king, she realized that she really did not care about the bruises on her body, nor the ones on her ego- but the ones on her heart seemed hard to ignore.

ENTJ laughed softly as he rosed from his throne, slowly approaching her “Are you sure that this one is the one who has been causing us so much trouble? She doesn’t really looks like it.”

To INFJ the voice that replied sounded as cold as the floor under her. “She is the one. I made sure to confirm it myself.” said ENTP; though she refused to raise her head to see him, she could hear the familiar smirk on his face.

Stupid. She had been so stupid. She had been the perfect spy because she was able to enter into any fortress while being a fortress herself; she gained anyone’s trust easily, but she trusted no one.

Except that she let him in. She trusted him.

For what? He played her at her own game and now…

Whatever had happened to her or would happen to her did not matter, not really, but the future of those who had depended upon her was at risk because she failed.

She would not fail them twice.

“How many days do you think it would get to break her?” asked ENTJ while she heard his steps getting closer “Two? Three days on the torture chamber?” ENTJ’s feet suddenly appeared in her eyesight and she lifted her head to look at him in the eye. Defiant. She felt pathetic, weak and dumb but as hell she would show it to him.

He laughed again, “Oh, she’s fierce nonetheless.” Taking her chin forcefully with his hand to look better at her face, he added “and pretty too. I could even think of different ways to make her scream other than torture.”

She swallowed hard and turned slightly paler at that last part; his grin widened “What is it, love? Are you more scared of the promise of pleasure than that of pain?” he chuckled letting go of her chin only to place his hand with more force on her neck “Perhaps we might actually consider a different form of interrogation for this one.”

INFJ felt a cold shiver run down her spine. She would rather death. She would rather the most painful torture than what this man infront of her was implying.

A sharp metal sound suddenly broke the silence, and though she could not move her head to see what had happened the voice ENTP quickly followed said sound.

“Pardon me. So unusual of me to be this clumsy.”

ENTJ eyes swiftly moved from her face towards the place where she knew ENTP stood. After what seemed to be a silent conversation between the two, the first one scoffed “Yeah; unusual” and let go of her neck, finally allowing her to breathe again. He had not been using enough force to block her airways, but pure terror had stopped her from breathing at all.

After the man returned to his throne, he looked at the girl on the ground once again. Despite of the slip of fear she had just had, she took once more the mask of cold defiance she had initially borne. ENTJ smiled almost sarcastically at that.

“We will attempt our usual route of interrogation first. If that doesn’t work… I might have to get creative.” this time she didn’t let it show how those words shook her to the core “Take her to the cells.”

And after that simple order two pair of hands that she had known to be behind her forced her to her feet and took her out of the room. As they did she cast one glance at the person who had put her on this position.

He looked back at her. Those eyes she had loved were now the most horrific sight she could find in this whole castle. She had truly believed that he loved her back, that he understood her as much as she had known him, that she had finally found someone to rely on. But now, she knew that he had lied, that she had not known him at all, and that she betrayed herself as much as he betrayed her by daring to let her guard down.

Her heart still ached, but it wasn’t because of his betrayal. It was because the person she had known, had loved, had given her trust to, was but a fantasy. This man that was looking at her, she did not know. She definetely didn’t love him, and now was wise enough to know better than to trust anyone. This man had handed her to her death, and perhaps worse things than death, as if she was nothing to him; but at least she could say that this stranger was nothing to her as well.

Once his face had been gone from her sight she repeated those last words as many times as she needed until every part of her body, mind and soul believed them.

That stranger was nothing to her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

He was not used to the intoxicating sensation of fear.

He had felt fear in his life and for his life, of course, it was a common thing to have under the commands of people like general ENTJ. But for him, those were rare instances; as if he had always been too brave or too stupid, and had somehow become almost inmune to it.

Almost.

“So, are you gonna explain yourself or do you want me to guess what was that back there?”

They were in ENTJ’s chamber. The royal chamber. Five years ago they had seized power from the last king (may he rest in pieces) as general ENTJ had convinced himself that he had not been fit for the throne and that what the nation needed was a stronger and ambitious leader who actually dared to be the change this nation needed. Many believed him to be right, ENTP being one of them. The financial situation from before was enough to move sufficient men and women towards their cause, which ultimately lead to their success.

But of course, there were those who were against this. Their motivations of various kinds. Many of them guided merely by the fact that this new political climate did not benefit them; very few others talked about justice and laws and actually meant it. Whether caused by the first or second group, the whispers that called ENTJ a tyrant began spreading soon enough. Nonetheless, it didn’t really matter, as it had been easy to keep them all under control, one way or another. At least, until a group of rebels began causing them trouble two years ago.

And that’s where ENTP’s and INFJ’s stories intertwined.

ENTP made sure to act as he usually did. Carefree, witty, slightly smug. And that was his exact expression when he answered to his commander and king “What? About my slippery hands?”

“As if I was stupid enough to fall for your bullshit.” Despite ENTJ’s calm expression he could tell he was not calm at all. “You dropped the same knife I gave you after slitting the old king’s throat. Tell me, honestly, could you really consider such thing as an accident?- Should I be worrying that one of my trusted circle is threatening me?” despite his tone remaining neutral, ENTP could hear the warning behind it, telling him to be careful of what he was about to say next.

ENTP chuckled softly and threw himself over one of the chairs of the room. Relaxed. He needed to be relaxed. “Fine. I admit it. I dropped the knife on purpose. Though it being that especific knife, was not.”

Now it was ENTJ’s turn to chuckle. Whether he believed that last part or not was out of ENTP’s knowledge. “So, I was right.” he uttered “Tell me, did you felt jealous of me touching your little pet?”

His expression remained as carefree as always, but ENTP could feel the ice slowly expanding through his chest. “You got me wrong, my friend.” He spat “It was not about who you were touching or who you were threatening. It was about what you were threatening her with.” ENTP sat a little straighter and allowed some of the ice within him to come out as he said “We are not the type to do such things. Have you forgotten? Or maybe power already started to mess with that head of yours?” Though a smile remained carefully placed in his face, there was nothing warm or friendly about it “Perhaps you are starting to believe those who call you a tyrant.”

“Perhaps you are forgetting who we are dealing with.” the King replied back as coolly. ENTJ turned his back to ENTP and began examining the papers that laid over his desk, “That girl has been informing about every move, every decision, every plan, that we have made for the last years. She is the reason we have been dealing with so many issues. She is the reason that pathetic group of insurgents became an actual threat to us. She is the reason we have been unable to move forwards with our plans of expansion. And she might be the cause of our downfall if we are not careful now.” His voice slowly grew more bitter as he spoke. “In case you also forgot, we might not be tyrants but we aren’t fond of playing by the rules; are we?” he asked rhetorically turning to face him once more, “Even when their little insurgence is not half as capable as they believe it to be, we still need the support of our neighbor nations if we want to keep our own afloat; at least, till we are strong enough. They might have not turn against us after we took the power, but if they realize that we are not as fond of following their dear proceedures and codes as they are, they might. If proof of some of our moves gets leaked, we are done. We cannot let that happen before we are ready.” He declared vigorously.

ENTP did not overlooked how ENTJ insisted on talking in plural. The message was clear: if ENTJ could be considered a tyrant, so could he. And if ENTJ would go down, so would him. “But you already got the girl locked up.” he pointed, attempting to return to his more casual attitude “She won’t be an issue any longer. There’s nothing to fear. So I still don’t understand the reasoning behind your threats.”

The commander actually laughed at that, though there was not any trace of joy found in it. “You, my friend, can be very smart. But sometimes you are just as stupid.” He proceeded to explain, “First, and the most obvious reason, is that she still holds valuable information. Information that not even you could get out of her. Names, hiding spots, plans, perhaps there might even be another rat between us; she will know all of that.”

“So your justification of becoming worse than an animal will be to get information out of her.” ENTP retorted; the same ice from before threatening to come out once more.

ENTJ almost laughed again, “You fool. It is not about what we actually do to someone. Is about what they fear we might do.” he smiled almost simpathetically to him “Don’t trouble your mind, I won’t lay a finger on her. But, I need her to fear I might if she refuses to cooperate during the interrogations.”

Whatever kind of relief the first part of that sentence might have given ENTP was quickly extinguished by the last. He knew what interrogations in this castle were. Even before they took power, their nation had always been known for the severety of its treatment towards those who dared to act out of line. That’s something that the revolution took advantage of when they first raised: they were the first group in decades that dared to publicly go against the crown despite of the possible consequences; in the eyes of the people they were brave and determined, and in the eyes of their enemies they were indomitable and impredictable. Once they had become the ones in power, ENTJ decided to use such reputation in his favor, so he continued with the tradition.

There were lines they won’t cross, of course, like what he had just been complaining about to ENTJ; but that didn’t mean that the route towards those lines was not a painful, bloody one.

And his imagination had already started to turn against him by imagining INFJ in each one of the probable scenarios he knew would happen. The same fear he had constantly been in since she had officially become a prisioner, slicing him inside out. Not even the times he had feared for his very own life could compare.

But, relaxed. He needed to appeared relaxed.

“Very well then, its good to know that my friend is still a man and not a beast.” He forced himself to appear curious rather than terrified “But what is the other reason?”

ENTJ smiled slightly more earnestly at him than he had been doing during their whole conversation “I need her to make an example out of her- and just killing her won’t be enough. Like I said in the throne room, I need her to break.” The commander approached a little chess set he had placed on a small table, and took one of its pieces in his hand. “She is the first important player we’ve caught from the insurgent group. You yourself know firsthand how much they relied on her. Even the leaders. If we just kill her, they will make her a martyr; that would be like adding fuel to a fire. But,” slowly he placed the piece back in its place “if we show them that we can turn one of their stronger players into a mere shell, ready to crack under any pressure,” he grinned and looked ENTP directly in the eyes “we will finally begin to crush that rebellion to death. If we manage to display her publicly in absolute despair, that same despair with spread across the other rebels and begin to kill their cause inside out. After that, we can kill her.”

'Make an example out her' he had said, but by that he had meant to make a show out of her misery.

Fear. He was still not used to this sensation and he hated it. Just like he had started hating the man infront of him with every particle of his body. Just like he had hated himself since he brought this upon her.

ENTP knew that he was no innocent; he had done as much if not more of the pulling of the strings behind the curtains during their rise to power. And ENTJ was right; they had not exactly been too ‘correct’ in their ways. But, he had always believed that the ends would justify the means. That what they have done wrong could be righted by the good that it would cause eventually. Nevertheless, time passed and ENTJ and the rest of his followers had just become more cold, more bold, more vengeful- at first justifying themselves saying that it was necessary measures to ensure respect, then blaming the insurgeance and the need to end it for their merciless acts.

And the worst part was… there were still no results. The economy remained in shambles, crime rates kept going up, the people was still miserable, and now more than ever fear ruled over everything. But either delusion or actual curruption kept them settled in their ways, while still predicating the same speech that had first convinced people to put their trust upon them.

He had remained blind to it all during most of it- or well, perhaps not blind but unwilling to see the truth. Unwilling to see what power was turning their cause into, a cause that he was sure had began with good intentions. He lied and convinced himself that eventually things would turn right.

But after getting to know someone from the other side- someone who taught him that fighting fire with fire would never not lead to just more smoke and ashes, and that the only way to right a wrong was to make it right to begin with… He could now see.

Yet, it had been too late at the moment to keep it all from coming to this. And he feared that if he took a misstep right now it might become to late to keep INFJ from encountering the fate ENTJ had just described for her.

After staring at ENTP for a few seconds ENTJ added “But… it seems I’ve misjudged how possessive you’ve become over the girl.”

Sometimes it surprised ENTP how easily his insides could go from iced bitterness to scorching rage. It also surprised him how good he could be at feigning indifference. He scoffed “As if. I already told you I don’t have any particular interest on her. She was fun to toy with, nothing else. She’s yours to do as you please.”

ENTJ continued staring him down, as if trying to get the truth out of him. But, after a while he simply nodded and said “Very well then. That’s good to hear, because I figured that she might be more compliant if you are in the room during tomorrow’s interrogation.”

His heart sunk in his chest, but he did his best to remain on his role “I doubt that’ll work. If anything her hate for me might make her harder to work with.”

The king sneered “Oh, does that means she is fond of me?”

ENTP replied “Her hate towards you is… general, my dear commander. As if she hates you, but not you, but rather the idea of you. But me,” he smiled smugly despite how those same words he was about to say cutted deeply through him “I am a personal issue.”

ENTJ turned to his desk once again, “Maybe you are right; but I’m actually relying on those strong feelings for you. Whether that’s love or hate or both, strong emotions always make someone easier to manipulate.” He moved his face only enough to look at his subordinate directly in the eyes as he said “You will be there tomorrow.” It was an order, not a suggestion, so ENTP knew better than to argue against it.

“Fine, we’ll see if your plan works tomorrow.” And with that he rose from his chair and turned to the door.

The only thing ENTJ said before ENTP could leave the room was “They always do.”

It was already nightfall when he finally found the opportunity to go into the cells without being noticed.

Since he had left his commander’s chambers he could barely think of anything besides the girl that was trapped inside those walls. He needed to come; to warn her of what would take place tomorrow, and what could come afterwards.

But also, because he needed to see her.

He saw her laying down on the floor; perhaps asleep, perhaps unconcious. Ice ran through his veins at the prospect of the second. He rushed to take out the keys he had stolen from the guards and went inside. The sound of the cell’s door opening immediately made her jump- so asleep it was then.

ENTP could tell that she recognized him as quickly as she saw him. She became almost unnaturally still, her eyes becoming stone cold, just as they had done the only time she had deigned to look at him in the throne room. He hated that look; he could have dealt with the expected looks of hatred, of anger, of betrayal, anything that indicated what she thought of him. Anything that could be taken as the residue of what she once felt for him.

But that look- it killed him. It was as if nothing had ever been there.

Though he admitted to himself that it would have been better for her if it had been that way.

He looked away from her eyes and dared to look at the rest of her. She lied on the floor, reclined against the same wall she was shackled to. Same clothes he had saw her wearing just yesterday's night, right before it all went to hell. But now they were torned, dirty- and bloodied. If he had to guess, she could barely keep herself up. Bruises covered her from head to toe. Despite that he had not been who caused them himself directly, he knew he was responsible for every one of them.

She had fight all the way into her capture. She only stopped fighting when she saw him standing side by side with the king, a fake grin on his face as the words left his mouth “Your Highness, I present to you: the spy”.

It pained him beyond anything he could express to see her like this. He was the first to move, advancing towards her to try to examine her wounds. But, of course, he should have thought better than to act without saying anything before, as she tensed and tried to move away from him before he could reach her.

For her, he was no longer someone she could trust. He was the enemy.

“I won’t hurt you” was the first words that he could think to say, raising his palms up as if that could somehow prove his words to be truthful.

She laughed bitterly “You expect me to believe you?”

Fair. It was fair from her, but right now there was no time to explain or argue with her. “No, but right now I just want to help, alright? Please let me-”

“Fuck off!” she yelled moving as far as she could “Help! Anyone hel-”

He launched himself towards her, pressing her against the wall as gently as he could while his hand covering her mouth to keep her from alerting the guards of his presence. If anyone realized he was here, all of their hopes would be lost.

INFJ began trembling, her eyes panicked while she struggled to push him away.

His heart sank in his chest. She was terrified of him. And she had every right to be. What used to be a playful act, a flirty situation, a moment of closeness, now could only be considered a threatening situation for her in every aspect.

ENTP backed away slightly, giving her as much space as he could without risking her to cause a scene.

“I won’t hurt you. I know you don’t have any reason to believe me, but please listen. Just once.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Part 2: 𝔚𝔥𝔞𝔱 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔲𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢

Part 3: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔴𝔢r𝔢

Part 4: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢

#MBTI #mbti types #mbti community #entp #entp personality #infj #infj personality #entp x infj #infj x entp #entj #angst #lovers to enemies #historical fiction #mbti story #mbti ff #the hell am I doing with my life?#hurt no comfort #part 1

46 notes · View notes

stormxpadme · 3 months

Note

AU Game. Scott/Logan. 1970s California road trip. No powers.

Let’s play a game. Send me a potential AU and I’ll tell you five fun facts that would happen in a story. Scott/Logan. 1970s California road trip. No powers.

Scott ends up in the worst bug-infested, grease-moldy truck stop ever that night, and he just about wants to walk back out the second he arrives but there's no alternatives for miles, and he's always gotta get his deliveries done in time if he wants to save up the buck for this damn private pilot license one day. And since he kinda sucked at being a teacher and regular flight schools won't accept him because of his damn eyesight condition, he's only got the road left. Which in this case means spending the night in this shithole and finding anything on the menu that won't give him salmonella, burn right through his digestive tract, or both.

That sleazy unkempt group of lumberjacks has already pissed him off with their digs about his glasses upon entering but he's only stepping in when one of them tries to get up and close with the shy and terrified waitress girl. Because Scott is an idiot who apparently hasn't gotten his damn ass beaten often enough yet in one orphanage after another after his whole family's died in that fucking plane crash. He's outnumbered 1:4 but he's taller and they're out of shape, so he's not worrying a lot. Not until the first switchblade comes his way.

If he's being honest, he's already had his eyes on the outsider of the bully group for a while, sitting there silently by the very edge of the table alone with a bottle of whiskey, because the guy is built like a fucking tree himself and has no interest in harassment or in like, anything at all, apparently. Somehow, Scott always happens to fall either for the red-haired mental cases or the emotionally constipated. It doesn't help his current infatuation that the guy steps in before Scott can have a couple of his arteries kebabed by those knives. He's visibly enjoying the brawl against his now-former workmates, moving fast and strong and obviously field-trained, trashing half the furniture so badly that they're being kicked out by the owner which is just as well because now neither of them has to pay. And because Scott is seriously horny at this point.

They end up fucking on the rest stop parking lot behind a dumpster after patching each other's cuts and bruises up and they're still laughing their asses off, with only that certain familiar hysteric undertone of having barely escaped death and the comfortable wordless intimacy of instant bonding, once you realize you've found a guy just as much a broken idiot as yourself.

Afterward, Scott is on enough adrenaline to drive through the night. Logan doesn't even really ask before he makes himself at home in the passenger seat, feet on the dash, hairy chest out and all, replacing Scott's favorite Johnny Cash cassette with a Rolling Stones tape Scott can't even remember having and silently humming along over the last bit of whiskey. He's been bored of cutting down trees anyway, it turns out. He doesn't even want to stop by his home for his things. Says, he doesn't need any of his shit, none of that stuff having any meaning to him after losing all his memories some couple of years ago, during some bad hit in Vietnam. Besides, there's only some violent, abusive perv of a step-brother waiting for him at home, and Logan's only been waiting for an excuse to lo leave that piece of shit behind. Sun's not even gone up before they fuck in the driver's seat again, by the side of the road, before they drop the delivery together, collect the buck and find themselves some nice burger joint for breakfast. And Scott wonders suddenly if this is what happiness feels like.

Additional Spoiler Alert: The asshole stepbrother will track them down eventually as they're dumb enough to stay in touch with Scott's trucker friends like Bobby, Sam, and Emma via his CB radio, and Scott almost ends up being kebabed again only a month later, because that Victor guy got issues. But the fuck in that cheap Vegas hotel afterward is spectacular, and since they're already in town, they miraculously find someone who doesn't care about gender and shit when he's marrying someone as long as he gets paid. It also soon turns out, it's so much easier, making a good buck on the road, working together. Scott is pretty sure he's still never going to get inside a damn cockpit but at least he doesn't need that stupid dream at night anymore, to no longer want to off himself on the next best highway.

#sometimes stormy gets asked things #mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea #x men #everything after x2 didn't happen sue me #x men original timeline movies #x men movies #scogan #scott summers #wolverine #fanfiction #stormys fanfics #thank you so much for the ask <3 #this sounds like way too much fun #also i blame being a xennial and cb radioing for fun myself for this #scott x logan

9 notes · View notes

ctrlemis · 2 years

Text

𝐅𝐀𝐔𝐋𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 ! finally breaking

word count: 1.5k

Rei wasn't a bad friend. No, contrary to current belief, she really wasn't a bad friend. Maybe it seemed like she hated Wonyoung, and she hated Jungwon, and she was doing it for her own gain, but she wasn't. In fact, it hurt her more than she showed. It always did.

Rei was always forgiving. She forgave everyone, even when they didn't deserve it. Maybe that was her fatal flaw. But she did it anyway, again and again. It was ingrained in her, like how she dotted her "i"s with hearts, or the lyrics to Sweater Weather. It was something that was just a part of her.

It hurt when Wonyoung told her to fuck off, it hurt when she left the groupchat. When she walked past Liz like it was nothing, like 18 years of friendship meant nothing - her heart fucking broke into pieces.

But it hurt more knowing that there were two sides to the same coin. Having chosen one side for so long, then finding out everything else - she, for the first time in a long time, chose something else. Someone else. In doing so, choosing herself.

“And, scene.” Y/N said, before bursting out in giggles, jumping up excitedly. “God, Rei! This is so good. And sad.” At that, their eyebrows furrow, tilting their head. “Is this from personal experience?” They hold up the paper script of their short, yet detailed scene, about two friends, one hopelessly in love with the other. Gulping, she shook her head.

“N-no, I got some inspo from my older sister.” She told them, and they nodded, putting the script on top of their binder, gathering their stuff. “Oh, also, I wanted to know if you wanted to, you know, hang out.” Y/N stopped from putting their stuff in their bag, looking up with a grin.

“Sure! But you don't have plans with your friends?” They questioned, loading all of their things into their bag and grabbing their apple juice. Fuck. Rei bit her lip as she slowly grabbed her supplies and put them in her bag as well.

“Nope. I'm free today.” She tried to grin, but from Y/N’s expression, they didn't buy it.

“You haven't been hanging out with your friends lately.” When Rei gaped at their observation, they shrugged. “I notice things. A Lot of things. More than people think. Did you guys fight? Do you wanna talk about it?” They slid back in their seats, and Rei slowly slipped back into her own, understanding Y/N wasn't really asking, but not in a pushing way, like how Liz would. No, it was deeper than that. Y/N had been watching and observing her for the two weeks they've been hanging out, noticing the fact she no longer posted Liz or Sunoo on her story, or tweeted at Wonyoung or Riki.

But Rei wasn't an asshole. She wasn't going to paint Wonyoung or Jungwon or any of them in a bad light. That was never her intention, from the beginning. She just wanted happiness, for everyone. Without people getting hurt. Even if that meant her own heart twisted and turned and crumbled up until the fire went out.

“To be honest, I wanted some space,” Rei tells them instead. “We had a difference of opinion, and I decided to remove myself from the equation.” Rei nodded, as if to convince them and herself, but Y/N eyes pierce into her. Except they aren't filled with malice, or anger. It's a look of knowingness, or understanding. A look that she hasn't gotten since her middle school dance. Y/N’s warm hands cover her own, squeezing them.

“It will all work out, okay?” They say, in a more serious tone than usual, and Rei nods, but they shake their head, squeezing her hands harder. “No, don't misunderstand. Everything, it will all work out in the end. Okay?” The way they look at her, like they know everything despite her not uttering a single word, something inside her breaks. Before she can understand what's happening, her eyesight is blurred and she's being embraced by the other, holding them like they'll never let go. And then she realizes she's crying. She's finally cracking, her hard outer shell breaking away, leaving her feeling 14 years old again, small and afraid again.

“Thank you,” She whispers to Y/N, who holds her and hums in acknowledgment.

Rei had only known love - real love - in her whole life seven times. Twice with her parents, four times platonically, and one only she knew, kept closest to her heart. But in that moment, Rei thinks she has room in her heart for one more.

Rei feels way better than before.

After her mini breakdown in the café, they left, Y/N making several stops on their way back to her apartment. After they got there, they revealed they had gotten food. A lot of food.

“When I'm sad, I like to eat, but I didn't know what you liked, so I got you a bit of everything.” Kebabs, Shrimp and Chicken on a stick, Pizza, Sushi, Pork, Naan and Curry Chicken, Mole Chicken and Rice. They had gone all out for her, just because she was sad. Rei could see why so many people liked Y/N. They were so selflessly themself. Unapologetically, originally, Y/N.

“You remind me of Haruhi from Ouran Highschool Host Club.” She says thoughtfully as she rips off a piece of Naan, biting it. They stop what they're doing, Kebab halfway into their mouth.

“Is it because you thought i was a homosexual undeveloped poor little boy when you first saw me?” They deadpan, and Rei almost chokes out of amusement. She looks at Y/N with a grin, laughing.

“That is so random? And no! I didn't think you were a poor little boy-”

“Homosexual undeveloped poor little boy.” They correct, and she laughs harder.

“Sorry, a homosexual undeveloped poor little boy, no i did not think that of you. You're just really likable.” She pulls a shrimp off the stick and nibbles the top. “Everyone gravitates towards you, I don't know.” They nod understandingly.

“Oh yeah. I don't know, I guess because I have so many personality traits and I accentuate some more than others with certain people, so everyone is comfortable around me, and therefore they like being around me.” They shrug, grabbing the pizza box and following Rei to the couch, plopping the pizza on the glass table.

“Ah, that makes sense.” She nods, grabbing the remote. “What do you wanna watch?” She asks, clicking through the streaming channels before landing on Funimation.

“Oh, now I wanna watch Ouran Host Club, that show was such a banger.” Y/N says, biting into their pizza, and Rei nods.

Rei doesn't remember when she fell asleep, but she wakes up when she hears keys jangling and feet walking around through the apartment. She blinks a couple of times, shaking the sleep away. When her vision clears and her ears come back to reality, she sees Y/N cleaning up the garbage from earlier, whistling as they did so. She sits up, surprised.

“You didn't have to do that, you know.” She speaks up, and Y/N jumps, spitting out a string of curses. They hold their hand to their chest, looking her way.

“You scared me! Jesus, I thought someone broke in. Your sleep voice is scary.” They tease, and she rolls her eyes. “And I don't mind. I woke up, and you were asleep, and you've been so welcoming and friendly so I wanted to help out.” They grab their cup from the table and join Rei on the couch again. “Hey, don't you live with Gaeul, right?” They ask, and Rei nods, throat feeling dry as she shakes the sleep from her body. “Where is she? Are you guys not talking too?” They ask nonchalantly, sipping from their cup.

“Uh, no. No, Gae’s the peacemaker. She wants everyone to get along, and she's tried her best to make that happen but I just need space right now.” Y/N nods knowingly, like they somehow knew exactly what she meant.

“Well, i have to go, it's late and i promised Bahiyyih i would help her with her English paper, but you should come out tomorrow.” Y/n offers, standing up. Rei does too, and they both go towards the doorway, Y/N stopping to grab their things. “We won't be doing anything big or fancy, just watching tv and eating, but you're my friend now, and Bahiyyih loves you already too, so you're her friend too.” They smile as they stop at the door. “ Seriously. We both would love it.”

“I'll text you tomorrow morning if I decide to come. Have a good night, Y/N.” They repeat the same, and walk out. Rei goes to the balcony in the hallway to make sure they get to their car safely. After making sure they do, she goes back inside, closing the door and going to her bedroom. She flops down on the bed in her day clothes, looking at the ceiling.

Rei wasn't a bad friend. That's what she told herself every day she woke up since highschool. She wasn't a bad person, she just didn't always know what to do. Sometimes she messed up, and sometimes she stumbled. But she did what she thought was right, and in the end, she would live with the outcome of it all. Even if it broke her.

a/n: HELP I WROTE THIS AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CUTE BUT ITS LOWKEY SAD- anyways reihiyn best friends era when??

summary: wonyoung and jungwon don’t have much in common. the fact they’re friends - best friends, and roommates at that - is a wonder that their friend group fail to figure out. the only thing they share are three letters in their name. oh, and the fact that they both like the music major freshman who works at the coffee shop on campus

prev | m.list | next

taglist ! (open)

@jungwonize @jangwonie @hiqhkey @jihyoscrown @bigtoewinwin @soobin-g @luvhyun3 @soobinyz @soobin-chois @chiyuv @uwudaizy @lil-iva @jjuncidio @c9tnoos @enhacolor @abdiitcryy

92 notes · View notes

vaainglorious · 6 months

Text

#VAAINGLORIOUS is an independent, selective and private role-play blog for SATORU GOJO of Jujutsu Kaisen. This blog is OC/AU friendly. Duplicates welcomed to follow. Trigger Warnings for violence, descriptions pertaining to death and blood, and Unsafe for Work content. Minors and personal accounts do not interact. Not spoiler free. Written by Rubii (They/21+)

NAVI.

CAARD → X

BLOGS -> Multi-muse, Megumi, Sukuna

Ⅰ. This blog will be on low activity for a while until I get myself together, but even then, activity will remain sporadic but there. I have other obligations in life I'll attend to that are way more important to me than a fun hobby. However, you're free to send asks and bug Gojo as much as you want to.

Ⅱ. I have pretty bad eyesight, and even though I wear glasses I can't see very well. Please make sure that your icons are no smaller than 80x80 and not heavy with decorations. I understand having pretty aesthetics and such, but if it hinders my ability to perceive what's going on in your icon, it'll give me a headache.

Ⅲ. Do not interact with me if you ship any of the students with Gojo. I don't entertain Stu.dentxTea.cher relationships. On that topic, if you're a general asshole who can't respect people as a whole, just don't interact. And again, if you are a minor do not follow me, this blog is not for you. Personal blogs are welcomed to reblog images/gifs from me, but do not like/reblog any roleplay threads, asks, or just anything roleplay related. Regarding these rules, I'm just going to block you and curate my space for me.

Ⅳ. Communication is important. This includes wanting to plot, RP, ship, talk, anything. I know the first 3 rules are kinda harsh and such, but I like to think I'm a chill person.

Ⅴ. I will only interact with people who are mutuals. Anons are fine, but I don't really enjoy role-playing through that method. Don't like any starter call posts, or shipping call posts unless we're mutuals.

Ⅵ. I don't know if people still do passwords, but I don't send those in. I do my best to remember everyone's rules but at the end of the day, I'm human and forgetful. As such, if you need to soft block, feel free to otherwise approach me to be wary of something I've done that makes you uncomfortable and I'll try to correct myself.

Ⅶ. No god-modding in fights please. Talk to me first if you have an idea, or if your muse is planning on doing something to gravely wound mine.

Ⅷ. Don't force ships on me as well. I'm fine letting things slowly burn, or if we both ship something then talk to me about it. I understand that you and your muse would be excited to have Gojo as a partner/family member, but unless its pre-established and discussed, I'm just not going to be as on-board with the excitement. I will stress that communication is important and the key to fun RPs and such.

Ⅸ. Remember the basics such as: Muse and Mun aren't synonymous. Gojo's beliefs and morals may not always line up with the things that I believe in or consider right. However, as a writer, it's my belief that we are able to open our minds and explore different ways of thinking. Don't be an asshole; don't be rude. Don't take Gojo saying something blunt as me disliking your muse and all that stuff.

Ⅹ. Have Fun!

#𝐍𝐨𝐧-𝐒𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐫 › OOC #pinned info

2 notes · View notes

light-lanterne · 1 year

Text

so what the heck happened to my dad?

people asked. guess i can summarise it and then refer anyone to this post instead of trying to be brave and making myself sad over and over. details will be kept somewhat vague because safety is important.

tw for crime and death, i suppose.

anyway,,, for the whole story,,,

so, my dad is a pilot and a flight instructor, like his father before him, and everyone on his side of the family. i suppose he used to be very good, but he's 70 years old and a heavy smoker so his eyesight is not what it once was. as such, he had to stop flying by himself and merely coaches people through the process.

helps them make sure a plane is good to fly,,, makes sure their papers are all in order,,, sits with them through flights,,, that kind of thing.

which brings us to The Day. a client/friend of his wanted to do some maintenance to his little airplane and thus, he requested that my dad met up with him. the plan was that my dad would use public transport to get somewhere, and then this guy would pick him up and they'd drive to the airport.

so, my dad got ready, said he'd be late (like the day before, and the day before that) and at 10:35 am, he left our apartment to go do that.

and then he never came back.

footage caught by a camera somewhere between my place and the station. my dad would hate this: he despises photos.

at first, we thought he and his friend had finished their maintenance and had decided to actually take a little trip somewhere. it wasn't exactly normal, but it had happened before so we clung to that theory. there was no reason to think anything bad had happened yet, and the only unnerving part was that he wouldn't pick up his phone.

but hey, maybe it just ran out of battery, right?

more days passed and his absence became abnormal. again, it didn't happen often, but sometimes my dad would go on these little unplanned adventures with his clients. my family,,, by american standards we're poor; by local standards, we're (very low) middle class. so we needed the money and my dad would always take those chances and buy us ice cream to apologise for his absence.

unlike any of those times, however, he was unreachable. and that had never happened before; he always found a way to talk to us because my mom is known to freak out and despite their frequent fights i think he actually loved her. so the fact that he wasn't calling was weird and we were starting to worry.

but then, a few days after he left, we got a phone call.

not from him, but from the family of my dad's client. he was also missing and they were very worried because the man was not known to leave for days at a time (like my dad), and they wanted to know if we knew anything they didn't. naturally, we didn't.

so that's when we filed a missing people's report. we also tried calling everyone my dad and the client knew to get information and maybe retrace their steps, but no one knew anything and the cops came up short from their initial one-week investigation.

all anyone knew was that my dad had gotten picked up by the dude, they'd made it to the airport in question, and then they never got to the hangar with the plane. no security footage, no useful witnesses,,, they just vanished.

the cops kept investigating, or so they said, but they did a pretty shitty job because there was a massive development in the case and we didn't learn it from them.

we learned it from the newspaper.

turns out, the client's family had gotten a phone call from some cartel members who claimed to have taken their dude. and i don't know many details, but the assholes had to have been convincing because the family started selling everything they could to get money in order to pay ransom. unlike us, they are actually fairly well-off. most of their assets, however, were locked under the client's name so they did struggle a bit to gather the money.

ultimately, they managed to collect the equivalent of 200k dollars and tried to get their dude back.

but the assholes cut off contact after a bit (not without sending them photos of a couple unidentified dead men) and that's when the dude's family contacted the media to try to pressure the authorities to actually do something.

it's been radio silence since then. no one knows anything about the client. and my dad?

his name was on the footnote of the original news article, wasn't even mentioned in the many copies that followed, and the cops have recently told us they're removing priority because it's been too long and they can't find anything new so they're going to focus on another case.

make no mistake; the search for the client is still ongoing. although not someone to appear on the newspapers on the daily, he is wealthy and his life appears to matter more than my low middle class, 70-year-old sickly father. the client's family never contacts us on their own volition,,, the cops are not looking for him,,, heck, the narcs didn't even bother calling us because i guess they didn't care for him either.

no one cared for him but us, his family, and a friend of his.

they even removed his missing people's poster from the rotation. (the other side of the image has his photo and some compromising information.)

so where does that leave us now?

my dad is gone and my mom will cling to the hope that he's somewhere out there, but i'm pretty sure he's dead. i know him enough to know that he wouldn't have let himself be taken without a fight and it's easier to deal with one person than two, i suppose. they weren't after my dad, after all.

(to be fair, maybe the narcs did try to call us,,, but my dad was paranoid and didn't have our phone numbers in his cellphone, so they would've had to ask him and i know he wouldn't give it to them. so yeah, most likely got himself murdered.)

the cops are unhelpful. it's not like they didn't do anything at all, but the little they did was,,, pretty basic work and didn't provide anything at all. i mean, we had to tell them about the newspaper story and they were pretty bewildered because they hadn't heard a thing. they did the bare minimum and the government simply doesn't care about the massive amount of missing people in this shithole country. much less about an old man that once gave them a little trouble (a story for another time).

my family is struggling. forget the emotional aspect: my dad's job was irregular and while we could afford most of our bills and food, it was not enough for a small, insignificant thing called "rent". we owe our landlord around 5k dollars and that might not sound like too much to you american and european folks, but it is a lot in our currency.

(we're lucky our landlord is an old friend of my mom's and that she's very understanding; we should've been evicted at least three years ago.)

the cherry on top is that in a bizarre twist of events i find myself being the only one who is making any money rn. my mom is not exactly young and she's deaf so no one would hire her anywhere. my brother? autistic with a tendency to say shit that makes people angry so job interviews also didn't go too well.

myself? also somewhat deaf, also very autistic but in a different flavour (plus, i am disabled so that's fun) but hey, i managed to find a job that pays me almost 100 dollars a week so at least our basic expenses are covered.

i am the man of the house >:) even if my family doesn't know it yet

alas, the situation is still somewhat dire but we're very slowly getting back on our feet. we might be able to pay rent to our landlord for the first time in years, i finally feel a little important after years of feeling lost (it's been tough since i had to drop out of college), we got to throw away the ugliest carpet known to men now that my dad is not guarding it, and we might even afford a small christmas ham or something for the holidays

(we couldn't afford a tree, though)

my dad was never a fan of photos so i don't have many with him. i'm the tiny one (that was our christmas tree for years,,, my mom gets creative lol)

it's,,, going.

it's very hard, i'm thoroughly exhausted, i haven't gone to bed in a month and my health has taken a swan dive into the abyss, but it's going.

so yeah, that's the whole story, i guess. my dad was with the wrong person at the wrong time and now he's gone and i can't even grieve him because there is a chance he's still alive.

guess we'll never know.

anyway, i'll end this here. support me and my family if you can and want to and read my stories because that makes me happy~

#⚰️#🧸

10 notes · View notes

duunswitch · 11 months

Text

WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN INTERACTING WITH MY BLOG - Customizable Edition

BASICS !

Name / Alias: Kelpy, though you may also know me as Newt or Ven!

Pronouns: they/them, though I'll also accept she/her since I'm not out among family

Type of muses: canon | OCs | both| other (specify)

GENERALITIES !

Triggers people MUST tag: Dolls, specifically porcelain and BJD. Lifelike dolls as well; toys like barbie are fine.

Interest tracker / checker: I have it and it’s mandatory | I have it, it’s not mandatory but I’m more likely to follow back / interact with the people who fill it | I have one and I prefer it if people fill it in | I have it but it’s up to people whether to fill it or not | I don’t have one | other (specify)

Rule passwords: I have one and it’s mandatory | I have one and it’s optional | I don’t have one | I send passwords | don’t sent passwords

3-5 ESSENTIAL RULES PEOPLE HAVE TO RESPECT

I have no sleep schedule, please don't try to match my reply speed bc I reply immediately a lot of the time and do not expect people to do the same.

Mutuals mean mutuals only.

I'm small and anxious so I tend not to reach out first a lot of the time; I promise I don't bite though so you should definitely just kick in my inbox and forcibly befriend me. I promise I'll be happy about it.

Sometimes I'm like a rat terrier with a rat about subjects; if you're tired of hearing about it just tell me to shut up lmao. autism means I don't always recognize the cues and need to be told straight up that I'm doing a thing

I'm just a small seaweed, please be gentle

3-5 IMPORTANT PET PEEVES TO KEEP IN MIND

Despite my best attempts, I promise I'm not stupid. Please don't treat me like a child; lmao I had an ex friend treat me like I was an idiotic 5 year old at a con once bc we got separated and never have I wanted to punch someone so badly. Don't condescend to me. If you do chances are I'll go silent and you'll never hear from me again.

Acting like I owe you my time! I'm always willing to interact and yell w/ people, I promise! I'm really excited to interact with people at all times, but more than once I've had other muses both IC and OOC act like I/my muse owed them all of my time and energy and that always ends in a block.

Please be legible posts lmao. I have bad eyesight, don't make it worse.

2-5 THINGS THAT WILL LEAD TO INSTANT (SOFT)BLOCKING

Lack of respect. Treating me like I'm an idiot/child, or not respecting my time.

Not actually giving me equal effort. I absolutely do not expect anyone to match my length and definitely not my reply speed lmao but if I give you a couple paras, please don't slap down one line and call it good. UNLESS you can give me enough to work with in said line for a reply. (Legit once had someone reply to a ten para starter with two lines and MAN did that kill a muse.)

Harassing me/friends over people they're RPing with or ships we have. If someone is genuinely dangerous that's one thing, then sure lemme know privately but showing up on anon or posting vagues about it doesn't get you the result you think it does.

2-5 THINGS THAT LEAD ME TO UNFOLLOW / SOFTBLOCK A MUTUAL / SOMEONE I INTERACT WITH

Yoinking my icons/other stuff. Unless otherwise specified, I make everything myself. I've had icons drawn specifically for me by friends as a bday gift stolen more than once in other fandoms, and it's annoying.

Forceshipping. I promise, I'm super easy to ship with; I see two characters interact once and my brain's already going "hey what if they kiss tho" within three posts if they have the chemistry for it so if you're interested then just say so! Forcing it when I/the muse clearly aren't interested tho, no pls.

Not tagging things, or being an asshole about people politely requesting you tag a trigger for them. Your blog so if you don't wanna tag triggers alright, but don't be a dick about saying no.

2-5 REASON YOU DON’T FOLLOW (BACK) SOMEONE

I don’t know your muse, our styles wouldn’t click, or I’m not a fan of a lot of the content you post. I like to keep my dash clean with people I know and those I can see myself writing with.

I know you from before and you’re someone I haven’t had good interactions with. I've been in many fandoms on tumblr in the last decade or so in the RP comm, and surprise I do in fact recognize distinct rp styles; if you're known for being a predator or anything in another fandom, there's a high chance I know and I've been there to watch it happen. I know who you are, you aren't fooling me with a new blog and a new alias.

I didn’t see you follow; tumblr's bad at doing it's job so I may not have noticed. Or I did, but you're a personal with an RP sideblog and didn't post anywhere where your RP blog is so I don't know there's an RP blog to follow.

tagged by: @pseudomonacarriea tagging: theft!

#ooc;; out of magic

3 notes · View notes

disco-elysium-via-polls · 1 year

Text

"Take the shot, lieutenant -- what's the worst thing that could happen?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "I'll blow his head off."

CUNOESSE - "Take it! Take the shot!"

CUNO - "Yeah, take the shot, Cuno wants some of that shit."

KIM KITSURAGI - Silence. With his elbows sharp, the lieutenant unzips his jacket...

...and produces a lightweight firearm. He drops a paper cartridge in the barrel, separates the scouring stick and gives the cartridge five tucks.

He then steps back and assumes the Falostesse position, taking aim. The corner of his eye twitches -- his finder is on the trigger...

"Easy does it, partner."

"Shoot that motherfucker down."

Say nothing.

Don't distract him.

CUNOESSE - "He's gonna fucking mi.."

KIM KITSURAGI - The kid's voice is drowned in a shrill blast that echoes off the walls of the surrounding tenements. A cloud of smoke slowly parts in the air, as the lieutenant steps back and says to himself...

"God damn it."

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - He feels bad about it. About his eyes mostly, just having bad eyesight -- probably from a young age. Whatever you do, do not *console* him.

CUNOESSE - "Fucking idiot! Mulkkupää asshole!"

CUNO - "Cuno could have hit it easy, but then -- Cuno's not fucking handicapped, is he?"

"It's okay, man."

"God damn it, get your shit together!"

"Try again, maybe?"

"What now?" (Conclude.)

KIM KITSURAGI - "No, we're lucky as it is. We didn't break anything -- and the victim remains uncompromised." He looks around, at the windows overlooking the yard.

"Any more mistakes could put us in an unfortunate position with the locals. We have eyes on us. I didn't do us any favours with that."

4. "What now?" (Conclude.)

KIM KITSURAGI - "I have to say, it's beginning to look unlikely we can get him down without *assistance*.

4. "I can try to shoot him down myself."

KIM KITSURAGI - "It's bad as it is -- us shooting firearms like punks here..." he pauses, then shrugs: "Go ahead, I'm not stopping you. Just don't hit the victim."

"I'm gonna need your gun for this."

CUNOESSE - "They only have ONE GUN!"

INLAND EMPIRE [Trivial: Success] - Oops...

CUNO - "This is the sorriest pair of pigs Cuno's ever seen."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Officer, why *do* we only have one gun?" he asks -- carefully loading his pistolette.

"Remember when I told you I didn't have my badge or uniform with me when I woke up -- I didn't have my gun either."

"I think someone has stolen it from me, stolen my gun. Gun is stolen."

Say nothing.

KIM KITSURAGI - "That is even *more* unfortunate than the badge. You need to contact your station about it as soon as possible." The piece shines in his outstretched hand. "Try not to lose this one, please."

AUTHORITY [Medium: Success] - We're not off to a good start. This missing gun business is making your hand tremble.

Take the gun.

Item gained: Kiejl A9 Armistice

CUNOESSE - "Yeah, take it you fucking *banaanipoika*. Take it and shoot yourself in the mouth!"

Feel the weight first.

Point the gun at the belt.

THE HANGED MAN - The cold piece of bakelite and gunmetal is surprisingly light. Your finger fits right through the guard, instinctively resting on the trigger.

CUNOESSE - "What are you waiting for, Cuno?! Tell him to shoot himself in the mouth!"

Point the gun at the belt.

THE HANGED MAN - The buckle comes into focus in your sights. You stand with your feet planted firmly in the ground and your left hand supporting your gun arm.

CUNOESSE - "Why don't you just shoot yourself in your f****t mouth?" she hisses. "At least you won't miss."

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] - This isn't mere boundary pushing. There is a true suicidal rage in the kid as she's provoking you.

Say: "Shut up."

[Hand/Eye Coordination - Challenging 12] Pull the trigger.

Close your left eye first.

Point the gun at Cunoesse.

Give the gun back to Lieutenant Kitsuragi. (Don't shoot).

Don't let her distract you.

THE HANGED MAN - Your field of view narrows. The branch slowly moves, becoming entirely two-dimensional. The metal buckle glimmers, catching the noon light as the corpse slowly rotates.

CUNOESSE - "Look, he's crying! You gonna cry now, fucking fägäri?"

#disco elysium #the hanged man #kim kitsuragi #cuno #cunoesse

6 notes · View notes

modgirlyreposts-revamped · 1 year

Note

Here are my headcanons for Gregory and Vanessa:

- Both of them had shit childhoods. Ness was canonically abused by her dad, and Gregory is an orphan. So something uniquely strange occurs in their relationship: when Vanessa looks at Gregory, she sees traces of herself in the sadness he holds so closely behind his emotional wall.

- A lot of her attempts to help him are based on how she would respond to her younger self. The things she knew she needed then and how she would treat her younger self if they met now.

- She basically tries to provide the best sense of stability she can, often putting what she sees as his safety over his happiness but intending to help him heal in both ways.

- She totally blames herself for the shit he went through because she had a chance to stop it and instead she let herself be scared into compliance, and she operates under the assumption that Gregory blames her too.

- That being said she is not a pushover. She’s a pretty strict caretaker, but all of her rules are rooted in intent to keep Gregory safe. Don’t leave for more than half an hour without telling me where you’re going, come back before dark, leave the key where it’s supposed to be, come straight home after school unless you tell me before you go elsewhere, bedtime is 10pm sharp, you are not allowed outside your bedroom, the bathroom or the kitchen after 10:15, no more or less than three meals a day, keep everything you would need for a bad day in your backpack on a good one, privileges will be revoked if you are reported for bad behavior at school or if your grades are below a C, if anything happens while you’re away tell me immediately, privileges will be revoked if you are caught stealing or lying to me. Going out on your own is a privilege, going out after school is a privilege, use of screens is a privilege, visiting restaurants is a privilege, getting things of your choice when grocery shopping is a privilege, allowance is a privilege and all can and will be revoked if needed. Those kinds of rules.

- It’s a tough adjustment at first. In foster care, the attendants in his home were usually too busy dealing with the messier, rowdier and more ruthless children for him to be a problem, and he could slip under their radar easily and didn’t really go by the rules. He learned how to get away with breaking them instead. That does not work with Vanessa. He swears she must have the eyesight of a hawk, hearing of a bat and memory of an elephant. With a few rare exceptions, he barely gets away with breaking rules. And he always knows when he’s been caught- she doesn’t confront him directly, but waits instead for him to own up, standing over him with a disappointed glare, a tight frown, but an otherwise relaxed and nonchalant position, one hand on her hip and her piercing eyes staring down at him until it’s undeniable she knows he’s gone behind her back and broken one of her rules.

- He doesn’t get along with adults and authority figures for the most part, but he grows to like her as time goes on.

- His feelings on her are difficult though. He doesn’t think she’s the cold, cruel asshole he did when they first met, in fact, he doesn’t think she’s bad at all, and yet he does resent her for the damage Glitchtrap and Vanny caused him, because she was a compliant accomplice. He doesn’t want to hate her or anything, but he certainly has complicated feelings about it all that tend to affect his relationship with her despite him really not wanting them to.

- Vanessa knows Gregory’s favorite flavor of every food they get. She most certainly uses this to bribe him.

I love them sm omg ❤

#asks #answered #valleyfthdolls

3 notes · View notes

havoc-bloom · 2 years

Note

*slams table* Hello again! Hope you're having a great day! So I'm back here with another madcom romantic match but this time... Itsa me!

Madcom me is this! (Made on this: https://picrew.me/image_maker/1473460 )

I made a playlist that's basically me lol: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4UrHlLZeU0w39qGtwMTWrK?si=zlIe-OabTLOyel6lAVDIpg&utm_source=copy-link

I'm 5'4 ish, could be considered a gremlin bc I'm on the chaotic evil side. I'm afab genderfluid and asexual! (Though there's me being constantly thirsty aha-)

The glasses are tinted, my eyesight isn't that bad but I wanna see so.

Here's my personality:

It's either I'm a flirty egotistical asshole or the therapist friend. When you first meet me I'm like, extremely quiet since anxiety. If I like you enough I turn into a leech. I'm annoying you every moment I can, and I like insulting ppl as jokes, though I'll only do it if they're okay with it. I'm neurodivergent so whenever I get overstimulated I'll run around and flail my arms, why? Hot men or music lol.

I also got a buncha scars bc I'm a clumsy idiot :D

Funfacts!:

I make alot of noises, as in squeaks when I'm flustered or surprised, wehs and whas when I'm caught off guard and I would literally meow when I'm simpin(awooga madcom main 4)

My sense of humor is sexual jokes or self-deprication jokes

I am not afraid to hide a body if my bff wants me to 🥰

75% of the time my brain is empty and it's just the dvd logo bouncing around. Which can mean words go in one ear and out the other.

Random storytimes:

"Yea so one time I got lost at the supermarket then the mafia kidnapped me so I'm here now."

"Lmao nice one time my dad left to get milk"

"I wanted a doughnut now I got depression lol"

I got horrible memory and added with my horrible focus it leads into me just bein stupid lol

I'm a simp, Sanford's moobs uwu

I draw too, when I got bored

I hate ants. And when there's too much noise(i.e someone breathin too loudly)

Lmao I'm dyslexic watch me struggle to form sentences

I'm not afraid to kick ass in a skirt, infact it's a power move

Watch me make random dick jokes even tho Ion even have one

I kinda have fangs, 10/10 would chew on things.

Funfact! My love language, but touch me without warning I will freeze up :p

I can be considered the mom friend, if I catch Deimos smokin my foot is up his ass /j. It's the asian genes it turns me into an asian mom, I'll curse you out in vietnamese and cut you fruit later

I have a habit of callin people pet names, like Hun and sweetie, it came from nowhere and me being flirty is just me being friendly but I get crushes too easily. I'll get over it in 3 days tho(i hope)

Have a great day, drink water and take rests!

Hey! Thanks for the ask friend! This one was super fun to write :3

You're paired with...

2BDamned!

Huzzah, a man of quality! Therapist buddies together :)

Scolds you for making self-deprecating jokes then immediately makes a self-deprecating joke and it becomes a cycle.

He knows a little bit of a lot of languages, likes to make sure he's prepared for any situation, so the first time you yell at him in Vietnamese is a ROLLERCOASTER.

He doesn't get nearly enough rest, please get him to sleep even for just a few hours-

Tries his best to help you through the dyslexia, he has it too he's just adapted to it surprisingly well so he'll do his best to aid you with that

"I'm gonna bite it." "No, don't bite it-" *insert you gnawing on a tree branch* "...Why do I bother?"

BOTH OF U + SANFORD TRYNA GET DEIMOS OFF SMOKING BUT HE WON'T STOP >:(

He also hates loud noises, mostly he finds them annoying tho cause he's tryna work

Kills all the ants for u :)

Tends to all your wounds from bumping into stuff and whatnot.

*wrapping your hand w/ a bandage* "What happened this time?" "I slammed my hand in the door..." "Reasonable."

If you call him any sort of pet name he'll melt to the ground like sugar in water, it's adorable :>

Enjoy ur sleep-deprived therapist friend bf :]

#2bdamned #madness combat #madcom #doc madcom #madness combat doc #match ups

4 notes · View notes

self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2 · 24 days

Text

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 14x12 Prophet and Loss

“Is this the first underwater shot we’ve gotten? It couldn’t be. I don’t think we’ve been underwater much” “Alright. Going back a few, our little submarino friends, this is lit up, so you’re not that deep at all. He wanted to be dropped off in the middle of nowhere. It’s lit up so he’s probably not even 100 feet down, but the crush depth of that box is probably not that far down. It’s not a sphere. Instead of this odd box, you’d have to have a titanium sphere like 6” thick. You’d need like 6” of titanium in a sphere in the Marianas depth. Challenger Deep is 36000 feet down.” “I know it’s a TV show but fkn A” “DIdn’t he build it? Why would he be banging his way out of it?” “God I hope it wouldn’t make that much noise down there. Fuck” “You know what would suck the most about being in a box in the dark for however many years, knowing you have functioning eyes but not knowing if you’ll be able to see if you ever get out” “Fkn wallpaper goddamn” “just a bad dream, eh?” “fukc dude” “this wallpaper was definitely on purpose” “These conversations are so insane if you think about what happened in Season 1. Before demons and stuff. These conversations are so out there” “are we making concrete or what?” “or is it some crazy ass chemical?” “fkn Sweeney Todd or what?” “how the fuck is this guy so alive? Every time I forget about him, I think he’s dead, but then he shows up and I get frustrated” “I get so frustrated with Nick being around that I forget what happens to him every time” “Do they have a fkn hitch on this thing?” “no pressure” “helluva a hairdo man” laughter

“I love how Dean is the most dangerous thing to Dean at this point. Even more than the other shit they’ve run into before” “the fuck is he doing/“ “When are they going to jump in his head and put more than a screwdriver in the door?” “who’s creepin’ on the shitter? Oh it’s a door” “no cameras? Nothing?” “hmm” “we’re on iPhone 6 era I think” “helluva a knocker” “well that’s something” “that’s all it took to snap the guy out of it?” “really?” “you know the answer to this already, Sam” “No shit” “oh he’s breaking into a house now’ “isn’t het this his old fkn house? Or some shit? How did he get back here?” “yeah it’s his old house” “Fkn die already goddammit” “Wouldn’t Lucifer’s vessel had died a thousand times over? How is this possible?” “good luck explaining that to your wife bud” “dun dun dun” “she’s never met an angel clearly” “helluva a way to word it” “what a fkn asshole” “she should ghost-kill him now” “says who?” laughter “Clear?” “does it alternate every other season who is going to sacrifice themselves?” “Does Cas have to spend grace doing this” “we did all this grace blasting and couldn’t get his eyesight fixed?” “they’re going to keep reminding us that he doesn’t have a soul” “is that supposed to be funny? Cas almost killed him” “this is probably one of the top 5 sam speeches ever” “to be fair I don’t really like many of his speeches. Right up until the part where he fkn punches Dean” “ehh” “you better clean up that fkn mop at home” “that scene just looks like a homeless guy wrestling some guy in the parking lot and the security guard coming to check it out” “idk he’s in one of those murdering moods. Better watch out” “Fuck that’s bright. Why?”

#beautifulspouserewatchesspn #supernatural rewatch #supernatural #supernatural s14

0 notes

celestialfox213 · 2 months

Text

I CAN FINALLY POST THESE!!!! YAYY!!!

(Bit of a long post)

NOW fuxkinbg THE GUY (but multiplied)

This is pure form, Zheii's soul is bound to a skeleton made of diamond, which has the downside of being susceptible to grapples where any normal ghost wouldn't be affected by it.

His horns are more elegant and resemble a certian... cretin... I won't directly name, but it should be obvious.

His eyes are mirrors, giving him bad eyesight in this form, anything past 5ft of him is EXTREMELY blurry, however, he can hear heartbeats within 60ft with clarity. The secondary pair of eyes resembles his husks' eyes (vice versa for the other form too), his left secondary eye being a void, and the other secondary eye having multi-pupils.l.

The markings on his arms resemble eyes, and move like them too. Kinda concerning.

When he takes this form, a small diamond in his chest, which is supposed to represent his heart mutates and becomes jagged diamond spikes that break out of his chest. It is extremely painful.

His usual overbite is gone, who the fuxk is this asshole the real zheii would have an overbiye imposyerous fuxkeahd

Any stone scales that he usually would have are now diamond scales.

DUE to him being an undead creature, his bloodhunter curse/class whatever uou wanna call it- has completely abandoned him, only a select few features he can use are available to him now.

His personality in this form is much less reserved and puts his fears first, he tends to hide behind his other half and stay close to him. He's very hesitant,

Heres some songs I felt fit this ones vibes:

Lagtrain-

youtube

Yellow-

youtube

Hitorinbo Envy-

youtube

Hunger-

youtube

TO THE CORRUPYED VESSEL NOW

This form is Zheii's hybrid form taking hold of his husk, this only happens when he's in his hybrid form and the spell is used on him.

This form is always under bloodlust as he is only the hybrid part, there is no reasoning to not snap at the nearest creature.

Zheii's hybrid usually looks more tame, this one is just unhinged tho. It looks a lot more spikey, Long spines and spikes being exactly the reason for it.

This form can't speak normally, Zheii does try to teach it, but it only picks up on various insults or various organs.

Zheii's cybernetic enhancements are still active in this form, if sending is used though, static will be the only thing heard.

This form can see normally, and still has darksight, the one void eye doesn't seem to hinder him at all.

His personality is INCREDIBLY violent, impulsive, and a bit irritating overall. This form also gets easily distracted by literally anything.

And this form song s

Nightmare-

youtube

Viper-

youtube

Sleep Paralysis Demon-

youtube

Hide n Seek-

youtube

#character description #character art #art #digital art #concept art #dnd ocs #dnd #Youtube

1 note · View note

belle-of-a-time · 2 months

Text

Ok so friends who lived a few houses down moved out a few years ago like 2 I wanna say this past year a family moved in and They SUCK. They have shitty little passive agressive signs in their yard including a “no pee or poo” sign that I would have absolutely no issues with if their dog was leashed up literally ever. Instead this sweet guy is allowed to play in the street and piss/shit in anyone’s yard. The first day they had moved in their dog ran up to me so obviously I grabbed it because woah who’s fucking dog. So I called the name on the tag. New neighbor picks up and is within eyesight. Somehow I am the asshole for catching their wayward dog who they WERE NOT WATCHING. He’s all over the damn neighborhood and he’s very much going to get run the fuck over by someone pavement princess truck that’s never smelled a Home Depot. I hate them and they are bad dog owners.

My mother has a picture of their dog pooping in our front yard and is now actively encouraging our dog to poop in their yard in the hopes that someone will see and get mad at her. I suggested she print them and tape them to the signs but I think she wants the confrontation. I will be collecting pictures of this dog playing in traffic because what the actual fuck.

Keep your houspet IN THE HOUSE or on a leash please.

#bad neighbors #I’m going to scream #tw animal neglect #tw animal death mention

1 note · View note

jacepicableme · 2 months

Text

Entry #10: Check your privilege.

We argued over a bottle of shampoo.

Silly, I know, but it goes deeper. At least for me, maybe for her, too.

For the record, I didn't want to write this down because this can be more personal than poignant. I'm not sure if I'm lighting a fire to a torchlight or just inadvertently setting the whole town on fire with this entry. Nonetheless, the one-way discussions with my own head didn't really improve anything, so here goes, I guess.

2024 arrived with a bang... and shot us all dead probably. No, seriously. I'm seeing a pattern where everyone seems to lament that the year opened with such a profound impact, similar to getting hit by a baseball bat right in the jaw, or in the crotch, whichever hurts more in a gender-blind situation. But while I think the year hit me hard, I'm a first-hand witness to how it hit my partner, @worthleslie, harder.

We started January hopeful with the prospect of her transitioning to a better career: better hours, better salary. We planned to buy a car, move into a better living space since we can finally afford a condo unit then, start a business, and other money-festing meanderings. But by mid-month, we've been informed that her application may be pushed to March, or probably even as late as April. It was disappointing, but we thought we could still hold out until then. Should be easy, right? Wrong. It had just been the first week of February when we really got kicked to the shins (me) and the groin (Alyssa).

We suddenly received the news that her mom had to be rushed to the hospital after experiencing some complications in her eye. We sorted that out somehow, and barely. And when we thought we could catch some breath, it was the same scenario the following week, only this time the affected part was her mother's only working eye.

The pressure of her mother losing her eyesight already pinned Alyssa down months before, but she thought that there was still time to remedy it or that the blindness will come at a much later date. So she was pretty nonchalant for the most part. This emergency was, ironically for her, an eye-opener. After the realization of her mom losing her eyesight much sooner than later, the realization of mounting hospital and medical bills followed and pile-drove her with a pressure comparable to a military-grade hydraulic press.

All throughout the process, I watched as she scrambled for options desperately while I tried to provide action-plans as if this is one of those strategy-planning sessions at my work.

She dismissed every single idea I brought up, which were either already done, impossible, or last-resort-embarrassing. I don't know what tugged me at the time to think that she wasn't being efficient. Was it my ego getting stepped on and retaliating after she blew off all my suggestions? Was it my sheer disappointment and disbelief that she was not responsible enough to prepare for this way back then despite knowing all along this was bound to happen? Or was it because I'm the one really blind and oblivious to the situation?

I let the thought simmer inside me. I started the bad habit of assessing how come my partner's so bad at handling her finances in a comparative sense without addressing the circumstantial difference. Why can't she be independent like me? I paid all the bills, the groceries, and she even borrows a small amount from time to time, so how come she can't save up? Where is her money going? Why doesn't she have savings?

These thoughts festered inside me and grew like a tumor that if I hadn't caught on sooner, it might have made me resent my partner. Instead of asking myself about her shortcomings as if it reflects her capacity, the questions I should be asking myself should be somewhere along the lines of "why am I thinking like this? Where do I get these ideas? Why am I being an asshole to someone who's already having a really hard time and slaving away at work but still couldn't get a break because the system is shit and unkind to people who aren't born with a silver spoon?"

To give you a brief background, I come from a family that somehow never runs out of money. No, I'm not saying we're rich, but we somehow always have enough to afford emergencies. I was raised on the idea of contingencies and having plans A-Z. And I may barely acknowledge it, but I have a safety net that ensures I wouldn't starve should I fail in my endeavors.

I bring this up because I thought about a random quote I chanced upon one day that emulates the message that your first thoughts aren't your own but rather what you were conditioned to think, and the second thought is actually your humanity speaking to you. So maybe that should explain why I was initially asking insensitive questions to the tune of, had I been born richer, "why are you buying iced coffee instead of investing in real estates?" Ironic, again, since I loathed that boomer mindset when all along I was preaching the middle-class version of the narrative.

It's funny that I got in a health industry line of career because I once wrote an essay about free healthcare. My superior back then told me that I was a close candidate but something about the empathy and understanding for the underprivileged written all over the lines in my essay made them consider despite the fact I was just a dumb 19-year-old against 15 candidates, some of which looked like industry veterans. They said I understood the systemic problem of poverty and the goal of uplifting those from below. So I wonder now how come I've somehow forgotten those core values as soon as I started earning five digits every cut off instead of the usual four.

I stared at the shampoo bottle, again. I thought to myself just a few years ago I would opt to buy only a few sachets since they were cheaper. Now, I could afford a shampoo bottle like it was nothing, but my stingy ass would still accuse my struggling partner of using it all up in a tasteless joke.

What price do you pay to lose sight of what's important? For a staunch advocate of fair opportunities and a person who would literally throw a Molotov in congress to fight for the oppressed, how did I become part of the system?

I think I'll go touch some grass now.

1 note · View note