#ive angst

[firagaarmor]

저승사자

IVE Gaeul x Male Reader?

Angst

TW: Depression, Mentions of suicide, Dark themes

Note: I wanted to try writing angst. This wasn't meant to be a Gaeul fic but I think it's fine. Also, happy birthday to the bestest girl Kim Gaeul

Breaking News

Tragedy has struck the Bupyeong-gu district of Incheon City seemingly overnight. Approximately 100 people were massacred in cold blood, including the Mayor, Sa Gikkun. Police speculate that this massacre was done by the crime syndicate known as 늑대의 형제애 (The Wolf Brotherhood). The police are still investig -

I turned the TV off. I knew the police would suspect the local crime syndicate, 늑대의 형제애. That’s why they’re the perfect scapegoat. I slowly stood up from the sofa and went to the bathroom. I took one last deep breath as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Drops of blood were still dripping down my fingers and onto the barrel of my pistol. I stood up from the sofa, staining the wood as I made my way to the bathroom. I washed my hands and dried them, along with my pistol. Afterwards, I grabbed a piece of paper, writing something on it. I then made my way to our room…well it wasn’t our room anymore was it. A bitter smile appeared on my face. I opened my vest and took out a photo of you. As I stared at you, tears began falling down my cheeks and the memories overflowed my brain. 

“We were happy right?” 

Gaeul?

=====

I still remember the day I met you. You just moved in next to me and asked for my help. I had just finished a “job” that day and was pretty tired. My mind said to just ignore you and go to my apartment. And yet…there I was, helping you move your things inside. Afterwards, you thanked me and introduced yourself. I told you to forget about me but you insisted. When I told you my name, you complimented it, saying it was a beautiful name for such a kind hearted person. You seemed surprised at my silence. What you didn’t know was that something inside of me reacted to your words. For the first time ever in my life, I felt…warm, but I brushed it off and stood up to leave. To my surprise, you grabbed my arms and glared at me. You said that I didn’t have any manners and told me to start over. You held your hand out and reintroduced yourself as did I. Afterwards, I asked if I could leave and you smiled. As I was about to leave your apartment, you did something that would impact my life from that point on. I was so surprised my body became frozen. For reasons that I would find later in life, you gave me a hug. Afterwards, you hurriedly pushed me outside. I was beyond puzzled by your actions. I walked back to my apartment and slept for the night, well…I tried to. My brain couldn’t fathom why you’d hug me so suddenly. It kept replaying that scene over and over. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And I also noticed. Did you cry a little when you hugged me?

The next day I woke up to knocking on my door. I didn’t have a good night's sleep for once and felt a bit of headache. I stumbled to the door and opened it. It was you once more, standing there with a smile and holding a plastic bag. It was filled with some bread and a lunch box. My mind grew suspicious of you. Were you a spy? An assassin? A hired mercenary? But something just doesn’t feel right. After receiving an object from a stranger, I would immediately start checking it carefully. The object could be poisonous, deadly, toxic or any other means to eliminate me. And yet here I am, inside my apartment, eating the bread you bought with you watching me from across the table. I never allowed anyone inside my apartment unless they went through a thorough inspection. And yet I welcomed you inside without much thought. After finishing the bread, I asked you who you really are. My cold emotionless face turned to worry as I could see you smile bitterly. The eyes are reflections of the soul and yours…it’s filled with much sorrow and loneliness. Yet…there was still hope. After what seemed like an eternity, you asked me for, to my surprise, a dinner. My eyes perked up and my mind warned me that this is 100% a trap and I’ll die tonight if I went to that dinner. But yet again…I agreed on it without much thought. 

Throughout that day, I was acting very strange. I felt…enthusiastic. I spent the entire afternoon preparing to look my best, and not to prepare my best. My mind was slowly filled with thoughts of you. And somehow…fragments of memories of you and I. Have I met you before? I put aside those thoughts and went to your apartment. As you opened the door, my breath was taken away.

You wore a beautiful blue sparkling dress and you complimented it with a blue silk outer. It wasn’t very fancy at all. And yet I thought to myself at that moment ‘She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life’. We walked to the parking lot together and I drove you to a fancy restaurant. My “job” paid so well that I could retire now and never worry about money ever again. I never thought of retirement until…I guess until I met you. We ate dinner in silence that night until you told me about a special place that you wanted to show me. I agreed and we drove there afterwards.

This special place was certainly not what I was expecting. You got out of the car first and I followed shortly after. You stood by the building with that same bitter smile. I asked if you were fine but you answered me with another question ‘You don’t remember anything do you?’ I just looked at you in confusion and you sighed. We went inside and stood by the door. To my surprise, you grabbed your necklace and at the end of it was a key. You unlocked the door and told me to follow you. We went inside the house and upstairs towards a bedroom. I started to feel a sharp pain in my head. Flashes of memories kept coming to me. Memories of you, this place and… of us? As we went in front of the room, the pain in my head kept getting worse. You noticed this and asked if I were fine. I told you I was and you opened the door. There were two beds and some drawings on the wall. You told me to sit down on the left bed as you sit on the right. You started to tell the story about us. How we were both orphans that relied on each other. We lived on the streets until we found this abandoned house. Well, at least we thought it was abandoned at first. You told me that after a few months, some people with black suits came to the house and kidnapped me while you slept. As you finished telling this story, the pain in my head escalated to the worst it’s been. My mind showed me memories of my childhood. How I was kidnapped and brainwashed until I became like this. I remembered how I was electrocuted in the head to the verge of death. As I began to get calmer, I held your hand and said to you that I remember everything. As tears streamed down your cheeks, you lunged to hug me but I held you back. I told you everything about my job. I was a mercenary for hire. The best in the industry. I had 100 contracts and 100 confirmed kills. I had killed many people before being a mercenary. Bad. Good. Guilty. Innocent. None of it matters. I killed whoever I was told to kill. I thought that you’d be mortified. But then I felt that your lips were on mine. After that you held both sides of my head and our foreheads met. You told me that it isn’t too late to back away from this life. With tears streaming down, I made a promise to you that I would leave everything behind and change. For you. For us.

After that day, I did one last job and quit. I stopped being a mercenary. It was hard imagining these hands that were used to harm, being used for something else. But there you were. In every step that I took to change my life, you stood by me with patience and kindness. I thought that my story would have a happy ending. I was very naive. After about a year, tragedy struck. I was just coming home after buying the ring. It should have been the best day of my life. But it was the complete opposite. As I opened the door, I dropped the plastic bag containing the ring. There was blood everywhere. Everything was wrecked. But the worst was yet to come. I rushed to our room and found…you.  Lifeless on the bed and in pieces. In the middle of the bed was a video tape and a letter on it. I opened the letter and there was only one sentence on it. ‘You will always be the 저승사자.’ Rage was slowly building up inside me but I tried to stay calm. I picked up the videotape and played it. And that was what made me snap. Once the video was over, I went outside and downstairs to the basement. I stood by a metal door. The door I swore would never open again. I entered my passcode and entered the room. I turned the light on and looked at all the weapons and firearms inside. There were enough weapons here for a small army. From that day on, I swore vengeance on the people that did this to you.

For one whole year, I poured everything that I had to find the people responsible for your deaths. What I found was so much bigger. Decades of corruption in this town. All the suffering, pain and struggle that people had experienced was because of one man at the top, Sa Gikkun. I had suspected from years ago that the mayor had been doing something fishy behind the scenes. Turns out my hunch was correct. Drug trafficking, human trafficking, theft, corruption, murder, and that was just the tip of the iceberg. The people that killed you were just henchmen of Sa Gikkun. He wanted me back in the game. Back to be the 저승사자. Well…he’s gonna get what he wants. 

After one whole year of preparation, I executed it on the eve of September 23rd. I had tracked down the locations of every single person connected to Sa Gikkun. Lucky for me, most of them had met up for some celebration. All I had to do was set off a bomb and kill the survivors. After that I went to more locations, killing off stragglers that didn’t come for the celebration. It was almost 3 am when I arrived at the mayors’ house. It was really easy. Kill off the guards from a distance with my sniper rifle then sneak inside. The house didn’t have any sensors. The doors weren’t even locked. I sneaked inside and walked to his bedroom. I fired off my pistol, startling him awake. I lunged at him and put my gun to his temple. He was scared for dear life and offered me anything he could. None of that mattered to me and I said to him ‘You wanted the 저승사자 back right? Well you got it.” I pulled him off the bed and slammed him to the floor. After that, I broke him piece by piece. First I broke both his arms and legs. Then I punched him so hard, his jaw dislocated. All the rage that I had built up over the course of one year exploded that night. After one punch, came another, and another, and another, until I could only see red. That was when I stopped. I wiped the blood covering my eyes. To my surprise, Sa Gikkun was still alive. Well that wouldn’t be for long. I got out of his house to my car and grabbed a canister of gasoline. I went back inside and poured it all over the house. Once that’s done, I poured the rest of it all over his barely alive body. I knelt down in front of him and pulled his hair up to whisper “I’ll see you in hell”. Afterwards, I got out of the house and threw a molotov inside. I stood by the house and watched as it began to engulf in flames. After some time, I could hear his screams of pain and suffering. I lit up a cigarette and went home.

=====

I didn’t deserve to live after everything that I did. There was so much blood spilled by these hands that I knew how this must end. I wiped my tears with my other hand, and cocked the pistol. I brought the pistol to my temple, ready to end everything and reunite with you. Hell was where I belonged but even if I got just a glimpse of your face and that beautiful smile, I’d spent an eternity in those fiery pits. But just as I was about to finish it all, my phone rang. I wanted to ignore it but I couldn’t. Something was pushing me to answer the call. I sighed and wondered who the caller could be. As I picked it up, tears streamed down once again. It was your half-sister, Jiwon or as she likes to be called, Liz. She called and asked how I was doing. That warm voice, laced without malice or evil, only kindness. She reminded me of you. As I continued crying, she comforted me by saying “Come on oppa, Gaeul-unnie won’t like seeing you like this. She’ll probably come down from heaven and beat you up if you don’t stop crying.” For the first time in a year, I let out a laugh. She continued and said “Come on oppa. Stop crying and let’s pay unnie a visit, okay?” I said yes and disconnected the call. I wiped my tears off and closed my eyes. As I took a deep breath, I decided for myself that I have a new purpose. I’m going to keep living and protect the angel you sent to save me. I’m going to keep Jiwon safe for all eternity.

Side Note: Hey guys. Yes I'm still writing XD. Been through a lot these past 8 to 9 months. Hopefully this is one of many fics to come

Side Note #2: 저승사자 (Jeosung saja) means Grim Reaper in Korean and the mayor's name, Sa Gikkun can be translated to a crook, cheater or a fraud

#ive angst #ive #ive gaeul #kim gaeul #male reader #sfw #angst

[fillinforlater]

Paradise

Male Reader x Kim Gaeul

Length: 4646 words

Tags: non-smut, story heavy drama, angsty, best friends, young love, looking for paradise

TW: to avoid spoilers, assume all trigger warning apply (I promise nothing sexual!)

Inspiration: "Paradise" by Coldplay (I love that song. Others have inspired me as well e.g. "Clocks" but this is THE one).

(A/N: Happy Anniversary to me <3 fricking 2 years since y'all had to read my first fic. Thanks for all the support! Enjoy this fic that means a lot to me. @firagaarmor, this ones for you too!)

“Can you tell me what paradise is?”

You raise your eyes over the sharp edge of your book, your mind still lost in the adventures of a young sailor, trying to make a name for himself and fighting with the deadly, dark blue sea and the temptation of strong liquor. He’s a brave man, firmly gripping the loose end of a rope to hold the sail steady while a thunderstorm makes his life seem defenseless, fragile, miniscule. The book is too tense, too captivating to stop now!

But then you continue to look past all the letters on old, yellowed paper, straight to her face. Feel her strong gaze grab you and freeze you in place with nothing but softness and innocence. Suddenly, the meaning these words had on you evaporates; the capturing story is nothing but a hallucination you experience while staring at them. You are not hallucinating now. She is here, she is real—and she is absolutely gorgeous.

“Paradise?” you sum up her question in a rather uncertain whisper, Gaeul nods nonetheless.

“Yes!” her eyes beam with thrill and she closes the gap between you and her on the couch. Usually, the two of you leave some space on the worn-out, white sofa, with you reading in one corner and Gaeul resting in the other. It’s rare for her to be this close; it makes you trip up and drop the book on your chest. “Tell me all about it.”

“Well it’s… simple, yet also very complex, you know?” You scratch the back of your head and avoid her face. Straight brown hair frames her soft features, puts a stark contrast between dark beauty and pale beauty, while every nook and cranny on it is just flawlessly carved—you’re red now.

“You need to tell me everything!” Gaeul insists.

“F-fine. Paradise is the place that we go to after we die. We of course don’t know if it’s real or not or if we have to do something or believe something to get in it. Maybe it’s guarded by angels, gods or titans! Maybe it’s just something we tell ourselves to feel better about what death might be: just nothingness. Sometimes people imagine heaven to be this overwhelmingly marvelous forest, where everything is in harmony. Sometimes they see it as a golden gate with everything perfect and beautiful behind it. Sometimes people just call some place on earth paradise.”

“Why?” Gaeul asks, her ears twitching but not really twitching. She is just excited to listen to you, probably. “Where is this place?”

“Well, uhm,” you mutter and scratch harder. Surely you’ll find an answer that will satisfy her. “I think you need to find this place yourself. Like I said, everyone thinks paradise is something different.”

Gaeul nods with the eagerness and naivety of a child. She still possesses this deeply rooted innocence, this greed for knowledge and finding new things. All these years of school could not squeeze it out of her, no belittling, no bullying, nothing can break her spirit. You adore her for it, you envy her for it.

“Paradise,” she says and returns to her original position. “Paradise, paradise.”

She smiles.

“I want to see it with you.”

#

Gaeul and you are stuck to each other like glue. God put this glue on you from the very beginning. Gaeul was born seventeen days after you, in the same hospital, and grew up in the same street, in the same town as you. You’d always meet her at the playground and from wordlessly playing with her in the sand to fighting and hating her, you felt every emotion towards her every day for all those long kindergarten days. 

In school, it was more or less the same. Other people were always interesting for Gaeul, but she kept them at a distance, unlike you, who she never ignored or turned down. You were a bit more difficult back then, frankly, the teasing from the other boys about her was annoying, but you got over it the day you found out she liked the same songs.

“Seventeen?” she chirped when you mentioned their debut track. “You like Seventeen?”

“Well, yes. This song sounds very… nice,” you whispered, phone in hand, eyes on the pavement.

“Do you know all their names?”

“Ha, no way! There is like so many of them.”

Gaeul grins and grabs your hand. Triumphantly, she announces: “I know all of them, all thirteen! I guess I’m smarter than you!”

“Pah, I-I was born seventeen days before you. I’m older and I’m smarter!”

“No~”

The bickering made you bond, while the fantastic songs of Seventeen drowned out all foreign criticism. You found more and more things to like and dislike about each other, which made every day spent together worth it. Be it playing games together, preparing food (let’s be honest, you mostly just tried mixing random ingredients and had her mom save it in the end) or just chilling on the couch—it never got boring.

It was about a year ago when you noticed that she had these long phases where she just did nothing. Her small body was positioned on the couch, always the same way on the same spot, and then she would look into nothingness. You wanted to tease her for it, for being a daydreamer, someone who spaces out and drools while doing it, yet you stopped.

She is so pretty.

You admired her. There was no drool, no dumb, mindless dreaminess in her eyes. She was in her own world, thinking of something so incredible, it made her beam with life. Her eyes were like orbs, set ablaze by golden light. Movies could never get her attention and admiration for this long—movies could never get your attention and admiration for this long. You were the one staring, you were the one drooling over how everything about her is just so flawless—you still do.

This was the day you noticed you liked her. 

Seventeen days later came the day she asked about paradise.

That was the day she stole your heart.

…

Today is the day a cruel devil came to smash it into pieces.

Being friends with Gaeul for almost twenty years, it is only natural that her parents would inform you as soon as possible. You dropped your phone as the words left the speaker, it’s smashing on the floor goes unnoticed by you. Seconds later, you’re already on the street, on the run, straight to her parents’ house. You didn’t need to ring, her father wordlessly held the door open and pointed to her room. 

She sits on her bed, her lower body tugged in a blanket, her back against the wall, her eyes… shut. You look at her mother, a mess of tears and snot; it’s not yet on her face but the moment she looks at you it, the dams break. Her knees unstable, she walks out of the room into her husband's arms. 

“Gaeul, I—”

You look at her again. Her eyes are open, focused on the opposing wall, the sparkle of life, wonder, joy still strong, but it’s slowly getting drowned in this puddle of tears that glisten in them, a stain on her that you can’t bear to see. So you kneel down, reach for her hand and watch her leave whatever world she tried to escape into.

“Gaeul, I-I’m sorry,” you stammer out, your hands the ones shivering more, though you’d love to think that you’re strong and she is the one folding. 

“It’s not your fault, dumbo,” she semi-laughs, semi-sighs. Then she rasps: “Nothing you can do about it.”

“I-I know… and I hate it.”

Silence. You look at her chest, slowly heaving up and down in a rhythmic cycle, gently increasing when you squeeze her hand and she looks down on it. Gaeul cracks a small smile, a smile so full of pain, every second you look at it is sending daggers to your chest. 

Rage is building up inside you. Feel it creep up every limb, every toe, every finger, up to your head where you imagine the cruelest things you could do to the devil or deity who let this happen, no, who made this happen. They are a devil, and you will go down into the depths of hell to make them suffer for eternity. 

How could they do this to her? What did she do? She doesn’t deserve this! 

And you don’t deserve this either. What did you do, to see pain and horror like this? What did you do to hold a warm hand soon to be cold? What did you do, to see the love of your life become nothing but ash and dust, buried somewhere in the ground, forgotten in two generations, a life too short, too cruel to even call it that?

I’ll—

“Do you remember,” Gaeul suddenly asks, her voice soft and calming, like the wonderful, nostalgic wife you never had, you never will have. “The day I asked you about paradise?”

“Of course I do!” you blurt out, voice a bit hoarse. You could never forget the day you fell in love with her.

“You said that people can find paradise here on earth,” Gaeul starts. “I know I should probably go look for it myself but… can you go with me and show me paradise?”

The tears she held back in her eyes must have found their way to yours. Your vision is all blurry, your voice barely registers, but you are certain she hears you and knows what you're saying. You would never let her down, and in this moment, no feeling could be stronger.

“Of course, Gaeul. A-anything for you.”

#

You have only heard of cancer from these dramatic movies that people watch and then cry. Maybe somewhere in the news or a documentary, but then it was usually older people, not young and youthful spirits—those who don't think that a tragedy is right around the corner, waiting to rip apart their bodies, souls but first of all, their dreams.

Gaeul’s condition got worse rapidly. For the first two weeks, Gaeul’s mom would call you every other night because something seemed to be up. She was throwing up, had a high fever, the doctor was late, she didn’t respond—some of them were clearly only in the head of Gaeul’s mother who started to smoke again, the butts of cigarettes soon littering the tiled kitchen floor.

You’re not at all better though. Every time the phone rang, you ran over to her; throughout all other seconds of the day, you were frozen in place. Like a puppet, you sat on your bed, blankly staring at the wall and into nothing. Your body is perfectly fine, nothing hurts or is out of place yet everything feels agonizing in its meaninglessness. 

You can’t even light up this tiny, simmering flame you always see in Gaeul’s eyes when you enter her room. It has not faded, no tears, no vomit, no painful breaths, nothing has put it out. It’s remarkable, beautiful, it’s the only thing that rids you of your agony for a moment. 

When she was just a girl, Gaeul expected the world to tell her everything, to the minutest of details to the broadest of concepts. She sucked it all up like a sponge and let the mechanisms in her small, pretty head work with it for hours. Now it’s about to fly away from her reach in a cruel race where the world might only be jogging, but Gaeul legs are literally withering away under her tiny weight.

Yet you see the dreams in her eyes. She will not relent until she has—

Paradise.

Not even past the door frame, you drop the backpack to the ground. Gaeul jumps a bit and smiles at you in confusion. Your expression must be bewildering, funny, but she has no idea with what conviction your heart is finally urging your stupid brain to get going.

“Hey, what’s up? You alright?” she asks.

“Gaeul.” You reach for her hand, down on your knees to be level with the small, bedridden girl. “I’m going to look for it.”

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“I will look for it and find it! A-and then, I’m going to take you there, I promise!”

Gaeul looks at you funny, her free hand pushing away your torso in a playful gesture. A coughing fit interrupts her initial chuckle. “You’re playing around, talking weird stuff. But it’s funny.”

“No, I mean it—

“Paradise, Gaeul, I’m going to look for it—and I will find it for you.”

“Really?”

Really?

#

Early in the morning, the sky is still more dark, navy blue than anything else, you stuff whatever you might need into your backpack. Long forgotten and unnecessary are those school books and pens; you’ve not lost a thought about that in weeks. Frantically, you replace them with snacks, some water bottles, a map, a book, a phone, a towel, a shovel and a pocket knife. No dehydration, no getting lost, no boredom will prevent you from undertaking a journey to—

Where to, you wonder. The compass on your phone points in directions, probably the right ones, but it’s meaningless, useless. The correct route to paradise has to come from your heart. Your heart has already embedded its needle in the magnetic field that is Gaeul, now all you need to do is feel in which direction it points. 

On the calm streets of this town you walk, along pretty houses which were always the start to all of yours and Gaeul’s games and adventures. It never ended here however. The two of you were always drawn to what's beyond the tarmac, the stones, the plastic. It all changes, quickly blurs to a mix of brown and green, every color in between, on this spectrum. On the soft soil of the forest underneath your feet, mixed with crunchy leaves and crunchier twigs, your adventure continues.

You might be closer, but this is definitely not yet paradise. Beautiful, but you can find it elsewhere equally as beautiful. Without second thoughts, you march on, deeper into the woods towards the pull. Gaeul’s magnetic field has this tendency to swirl off the main road. Suddenly, you find yourself in between thick bushes and young trees that make walking through them quite challenging. 

Some plants wrap themselves around you like vines trying to hold you back. Slash them with the knife, bite into an apple and don’t stop for nothing. Soon, you find parts of the forest completely unbeknownst to you. The green looks darker, sunlight is a bit sparse and more animals run through your field of view. Bird, mice, dear, they all seem to look at you and when you hush and look back, it’s—

Peaceful. A piece of heaven, of paradise?

Though this spot may fill you with wonder and calm your heart, it's not yet paradise. It's all fleeting; the animals jump at your first motion, all it takes is a single cloud blocking the sun and its soft, faint rays are gone as well. You have to move onwards, past the mushrooms and moss, the deepest you have ever been in this forest.

Thousands of steps later, the dryness in your throat and the hole in your stomach force you to take a break. In midst all the tall, blooming trees you find a patch of grass, a glade, untouched by man. A perfect resting spot for the wild life, unbothered, untouched beauty. You feel a bit out of place, but you won't deny that it's a privilege to just sit down and take a breather.

You quickly down sandwiches and the water, realizing that both are not enough to quench your hunger and thirst. The sun is barely visible from here—how long has your adventure lasted until now? At some point you need to turn around, find your way back; thank God for phones and Google Maps, otherwise you'd be lost forever.

Amongst all of nature's sounds, you suddenly hear the splattering of water, probably in a small creek nearby. You grab your things and move closer to the source. The splattering gets louder and louder, oh, what you would give for the water to be clean and drinkable. 

Uneven terrain and bushes block your way, but you can see the sun bursting through small gaps in between branches. You find an angle, with less thorns and stinging nettles and cut your way through it. Feel your heart throb in excitement, even when nature tries to resist you. There is something behind this, and now you are free to—

Close your eyes, because this cannot be real.

A picture before you, beautiful drawn, everything perfectly decorated, yet it cannot explain the stunningness of the sight before you. A wide open cliff gives you a perfect view of the entire forest and the lake in its middle. To your left, the outskirts of the city, only a couple of streets with both a school and hospital in sight. To your right a miniscule waterfall, fueled by the aforementioned creek. Everything is overstimulating, yet absolutely coherent in both its vibrantness and peacefulness. 

Best of all, above a small rock overhang along this cliff, a pair of butterflies seem to happily dance around each other, blissfully unaware of the steep fall below them. No, they just love each other. Both swing their colorful wings to their own rhythm, not caring if someone sees, not allowing anyone to disturb them. 

You carefully step towards their overhang, take a look down and see that it might be a dangerous fall, but you don’t feel any danger in this place. It is cozy, relaxing and quiet. There is nothing to fear, not even boredom. There is unlimited adventure and excitement amongst these gigantic trees, they embrace you with their twigs and tuck you in with their leaves. You can stay here for eternity, in fact you almost want to.

But not without Gaeul.

“I think I found it,” you’ll tell her. “I think I found paradise.”

#

“Gaeul is in the hospital.”

Your mothers first words when you return from your trip. The strain on your muscles, your back, your hands; they fade into the background the moment you realize what might be happening.

“What, why?”

“Her health has been… rapidly declining the last two days,” your mother says and urges you to sit down. You do not. “At some point, I could hear her scream from across the street, she… she has to be in so much pain.”

“A-and then?” You can barely stand standing around and not being by her side.

“They came like two hours ago, took her to the lake-side hospital. Her mother is—”

“I’m going there,” you say, drop your backpack and turn on your heels. Your mother sighs, deeper than ever. There is tears and misery in her eyes.

“I… don’t want you to go. You shouldn’t see this.”

“Mum, I will go. Why would you stop me? I need to be there; I can’t leave her now!”

Your mother stands up. You watch her reach for a cup of tea and drink the entire thing. Maybe it wasn’t tea. Maybe she needed some strength right now. This strong woman has never looked so vulnerable to you. She reaches for your hand.

“Okay… I’ll drive you.”

#

“You came,” Gaeul whispers, her voice hoarse, her eyes puffy, her skin pale. Well, she has always been quite the pale girl, but now her skin is rivaling snow in terms of whiteness. You push away a doctor and a relative or two and reach for one of Gaeul’s fragile hands.

“Of course I did. I’m never not there.” You smile.

“There you go, saying silly things again.” Gaeul smiles.

This is where you lose yourself in her eyes, those deep brown marbles, like bitter yet sweet chocolate—fitting to the overall mood in this hospital room. While you continue to stare into Gaeul’s dreams, the people around you go through all those stages of grief in front of the doctors, their powerless deities. Denial in her fathers voice, anger in the way her mother grabs her brother, they are bargaining, well onto their way into depression.

But Gaeul is still right there. She is still breathing. She is still breathing, even after they all leave the room. You stay by her side, long after midnight and most of the time, you just listen to her breath. Weak and shallow, but enough to keep her going. Then it starts to rain.

“Did we play in the rain back then?” you ask, looking out through the window into the dark clouds and the impending torrential downpour. 

“Once or twice for sure,” Gaeul responds. You feel her eyes in your neck. “We should have done it more often.”

“Yeah, but only when the rain is warm.” Caress her knuckles. Gaeul sighs.

“Then I could have seen paradise in the rain.”

Feel a rush of excitement run down your spine when you turn to her.

“Gaeul, I think I found it. I found paradise! It’s not far from here. Let’s go there tomorrow or the day after—”

“Y-you did?” Gaeul suddenly squeezes your wrist tightly. “Where is it?” 

“Near the lake, secluded in the forest. It’s beautiful—I’ll show it to you.”

“C-can we go now… please?”

Your eyes widen, your breath quickens. Someone has a belt wrapped around your chest and gradually tightens it. It’s as if there is poison in the air draining your life. This can’t get to you—no, it cannot be true. All the dreadful thoughts, you push them to the side, though they sink into your heart like the pointiest of knives. In your turmoil, you forget to answer.

Gaeul props herself up and stretches her arms out.

“Take me there, please.

“I want to see it tonight.”

No matter how much your heart bleeds, you find a way to work. For your best friend, the childhood love, the—current love. You easily pick up the thin girl and she finds the strength to secure herself on your back. She is light and heartbreakingly weak. Everything falls on you now.

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough,” you hiss when you piggyback carry the girl out of the room and quietly sneak her out through the fire exit. “But I’ll try my best to be your hero, Gaeul.”

“Don’t be some hero from your book,” Gaeul whispers, her lips right on your earlobe. “Just be you, that’s cool enough already.”

The rain is worse than you expected. Thick droplets a plenty make all colors of the quite illuminated town blurr. You just know you have to run away from them, towards the forest. There the roof of leaves will protect you from getting more soaked—which is not possible. After only a hundred meters, both you and Gaeul are two human sponges, drenched in heavenly water.

“It’s warmer than I thought,” Gaeul croaks as you sprint down the final street where the trees finally start. “Let’s play in this rain.”

“S-sure,” you grunt through gritted teeth, your exhausted legs barely keeping you upright. At the first tree, you take a breather. “But let’s get to paradise first.”

“How long is it?”

“About a kilometer. Can you hold my phone?” 

Gaeul grabs it, the faint light showing a messy hill with a hundred reasons to doubt that you can carry her up there. Worriedly, Gaeul clings onto you stronger than before. 

“Isn’t this too steep?”

You smile and adjust Gaeul, the friend on your back and take away all of her doubts by marching onwards, into the mud. Soon your legs are all covered in the heavy mixture of dirt, leaves, twigs, a couple of bugs, some plastic—it’s almost impossible to lift your legs over the taller roots breaching through the ground.

“Sorry that you have to carry me,” Gaeul murmurs, her face sunken into your back. The wind whips above the trees, their tips shake and you get showered in pine needles. You pause for a second, then laugh.

“Look at this mess! Mother nature is really playing with us tonight.”

“I-I’m sorry, I can’t—”

You pull a couple of needles out of Gaeul’s short, muddy, messy hair. In the faint light of your phones’ lamp. She looks like a ghost with barely lit eyes. God, it hurts to see her like this… but you will never deny that she isn’t drop dead gorgeous. The flame in her eyes hasn’t faded yet either. No matter how much fucking water the clouds above you pour down, they burn and they burn into your heart.

“Gaeul,” you say with confidence and unbridled determination as you take the first step on your final surge up to paradise. “Don’t be sorry. Don’t be sad. We are almost there. Hold onto my shoulders and you’ll be fine.”

Gaeul quietly sniffles into your thoroughly wet t-shirt, only a few tears, yet each of them is like a waterfall and adds to the weight of the most water you have ever seen in your life. Not even the oceans can compare to whatever mother nature has decided to unleash onto this area. If this is what it takes to get Gaeul to heaven, you will swim through it.

Again and again, until the end of time. And then you’ll still do it.

A bush brushing over your bodies, its evil thornes piercing your skin. You don’t feel it. Your hand shelters Gaeul, before pushing away the final branches of a familiar oak tree. There it is. Your heart skips a beat. You sink to your knees.

“Hey! Hey, are you okay?” Gaeul shouts, then she looks ahead. In this exact moment, a miracle: a lightning bolt in the distance, bright and wide, hits a far away field. Everything is illuminated, the ridiculous beauty of paradise visible in the middle of the night—for your best friend to see.

“What do you think?” you ask, out of breath and smiling brightly, brighter than the lightning. Gaeul has gotten off of your back and her weak legs carry her towards the overhang. The visual is impeccable, epic on so many levels, it’s like the grand finale to the universe:

Gaeul, the love of your life, looking at her paradise. It should be impossible, but she stands there. What might her face look like right now? You don’t need to see it to know. 

Suddenly, she turns back around and sinks down on the floor. You try to catch her. A second to late, all you can do is prop her back up, shake the collar of her hospital gown. Her eyes are barely open, her lips tremble. You hug her tightly, not caring about the mud below you.

“Gaeul… no!”

Lying underneath the stormy skies, the only thing holding her in this world are your arms underneath her. Gaeul stretches out her pointer towards the horizon.

“I know the sun will rise.”

Her voice is but a whisper in the downpour, quieter than even the waterfall of tears running down your face—but it’s powerful enough to pull a single, all illuminating beam of sunlight from the edge of the world. In a final, painful but infinitely freeing breath, Gaeul says it all:

“This could be… you could be… no—

“You are my paradise.”

“Gaeul, I love you!”

As if to say ‘I love you too’, she puts her cold lips on yours a final time and flies away, forever. You hold her forever, kiss her forever, love her forever while the strongest gusts of wind don’t feel like anything. Gaeul is in your arms, looking so alive with her closed eyes and peaceful smile; but it’s all not true.

You decide to fall 

faster than the rain drops, 

faster than the waterfall 

and then meet her; 

for she is your paradise.

#kpop angst #kpop fanfiction #ive angst #gaeul angst #ive gaeul angst #gaeul fanfiction #kim gaeul

[miyseung]

𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒

summary: ahn yujin was a name you didn't want to hear ever since your break up three months ago. sure, it hurt at first, but now you were okay, you were over her. until she gave you a letter.

genre: angsty fluff

includes: panic attacks (happens twice), parties, mentions of alcohol (reader doesn't drink) and making out, all of lsrfm and ive except leeseo and eunchae, lizrei side ship, reader is in denial, angst with a happy ending, exes to lovers, lmk if i missed anything

pairing: ex! yujin x ex! fem! reader

word count: 3.1k

a/n: this took way longer to type down than i'd like to admit

With shaking hands, Yujin gave you a small envelope before dashing off in the opposite direction. Your heart leaped as you guessed what it was.

Yujin was your ex. It had been three months since you both ended things. She told you that she didn’t feel like she was in the right mindset to continue being in a relationship anymore. While you were grateful that she didn’t just ghost or ignore you completely, damn right did that hurt. What was worse was how you couldn’t really blame anyone for this since it was no one’s fault.

You had moved on though. You had bandaged up your wounds, and the ghosts that haunted your which reminded you of her had been exorcised. 

You were ready for this letter, but you weren’t going to read it on campus. Shoving the envelope in your purse, you walked out. Autumn was evident — leaves were turning orange, brown and yellow, falling out of trees and flying away with the gentle, cool breeze. You pulled the beanie you were wearing more over your ears, not wanting them to go cold. The sound of soft, calming music playing in your earphones accompanying the visual treat your eyes got to see made you smile to yourself and momentarily forget about Yujin and her letter. Upon reaching your dorm, you took out the dorm key and unlocked it, seeing the living room pristine as usual. Trust Rei and Wonyoung for that. You went into your room, which was a stark contrast. Throwing your purse and bag onto your bed, you flopped into your chair in front f your desk exhausted. It was a Friday, which meant that you had the weekend to do your work (or procrastinate), so you stayed in your chair in an odd position, almot like a ragdoll.

Your eyes darted to your purse and you sighed.

Yujin.

‘Curiosity killed the cat,’ a voice in your head said.

‘But satisfaction brought it back,’ another one argued.

You reached out for your purse. If you didn’t read it, you’d be in the dark about what Yujin wanted to tell you, and it’d be rude to ignore her and what she wanted to say. Your fingers traced the edges of the white envelope, as if scared to read the contents. Slowly peeling off the seal, you undid the flap and pulled out the paper inside. You unfolded it carefully, heart beating quic-

“Y/N, Y/N, me and Wonyoung are going to the mall to get some new clothes. There’s a limited edition collection. You coming?”

This could wait. A distraction was exactly what you needed.

“Sure. Give me ten minutes to get ready.”

“The outfit you came back in is fine.”

“Bu- Wait, you saw me?”

“Duh?”

“Oh. Alright then.”

Placing the envelope in your desk drawer, you took your purse again, before opening the door of your room. Rei and Wonyoung were waiting in the living room, Rei giggling at her phone and Wonyoung teasing her about it. Their outfits fit them and their personality perfectly, and for a minute you felt self conscious. Their fashion sense was to die for.

“Ah, Y/N! Ready?”

“Yep. Wonyoung, I really like your shirt. It’s cute.”

She smiled sweetly at you.

“Thank you. Yujin bought it for me.”

Your face froze at the mention of her, and Wonyoung (being the caring person she is) immediately apologized.

“Ah, sorry. I know things aren’t all…smooth sailing…with you guys.”

She grimaced at her own mistake, but you didn’t notice. You were thinking about the letter, and your mind was tracing back to the memories of the year you were together, and oh God, oh God-

“Y/N?”

You could feel her hands on your shoulders, concerned eyes looking down at you.

“You’re shaking…”

She hugged you tight in a moment so rapid you barely felt it. Her arms wrapped around you protectively, one of her hands patting your head like a mother comforting her child. Rei was nearby too. You didn’t see their faces, since your eyes were closed shut so that you could prevent your tears from falling, but you could hear Rei softly talking and reassuring you that everything was okay, a stark contrast to how she usually was.

“Y/N, listen to Wonyoung’s breathing, okay? In and out…in and out. That’s it, that’s it. Nothing’s going to happen, you’re just fine.

They didn’t know what else to say. Neither of you did anything wrong, and Yujin was their friend too. It was a confusing thing to handle.

“Y/N, how do you feel now? Do you still want to come?”

“Yeah. Need to take my mind off things.”

“You sure?”

“Mm.”

“Not a clear answer.”

“I am.”

Rei sighed before nodding.

“If you’re okay.”

Five hours.

You were at the mall for five hours.

And it sure as hell did take your mind off things.

There you were in your room — stomach satisfied, bags with clothes, stationary and other random items (maybe a plushie or two) in the corner, yet your mind was still restless. Delaying the reading of the letter was not a good idea, since now you had even more nerves than before. You had to open it at some point, but holy shit could you just not do it? You took out the paper inside and unfolded it slowly, your hands shaking as much as Yujin’s when she gave it to you.

Dear Y/N,

It’s been three months. I thought I moved on, really.

As I write this to you, I realize I haven’t.

I’m not asking you to take me back, but I can’t sleep properly at night because I think about you and cry so much.

~ Yujin

Your eyes widened, and your jaw dropped. You thought you had healed, but this? These three sentence ripped off the bandages and rubbed salt into the wounds in your heart. You put the paper on your desk, wanting to process what you just ‘blessed’ your sight with, although your brain begged you to read it again. In the end, you gave in and read through it again.

And again.

And again.

And then it hit.

Yujin still loved you. It was so simple with the way she wrote it, but due to the shock factor, it didn’t click.

Yujin still loved you.

No wonder she was shaking.

There was another question — did you still love her too?

Didn’t you move on?

Didn’t you?

Or had you been lying to yourself this whole time?

Leaning back in your chair, you started thinking. You would think about her every night, every time you were bored, every time you were free, every time you were stressed — basically, all the time. You’d think about how she’d hold you, comfort you, hug you, kiss you, cuddle you, talk to you, laugh with you, cry in front of you, vent to you…and more.

Whenever you found yourself in an unideal situation, your mind always darted back to Yujin. ‘What would Yujin do?’ was something you’d ask yourself when you were in hot waters. 

Maybe you weren’t over her.

Maybe you still needed her.

Scratch that maybe.

You still loved her.

This realization — this enlightenment — shook you to the core.

The world was spinning around you. You desperately needed her. You needed her with you, to hug you, to calm you down and to tell you that everything was going to be alright. 

But she wasn’t here, she wasn’t here.

Interrupting the loud and muddled thoughts in your brain causing havoc was a soft knock at your door. 

“Y/N-ah? Can I come in?”

Hastily shoving the envelope and letter in your drawer, you call out.

“Sure, Rei!”

You saw the door handle slowly move, and the girl entered. Her eyes scanned the room, before finding a spot to sit on your bed. You tried to act cool, willing your eyes away from the drawer.

“Y/N, how are you feeling now?”

“What do you mean?”

“A lot, honestly- but right now I’m referring to the slight panic attack you had earlier…?”

“Oh, that. I’m fine, I swear. Yujin’s name just brought back back memories, and- I don’t really know.”

She nodded, her face making it evident that she was lost in her thoughts.

“So the reason I came here is to ask you something.”

“Go on.”

“There’s a party happening tomorrow evening Wonyoung’s not going because she wants to complete her assignments, and I don’t want to go alone…”

She pursed her lips into a thin line and looked at you, a tad bit of hope in her eyes.

“I mean, sure.”

“It’s going to be in Yujin’s dorm…Gaeul and Chaewon are hosting it. I’m pretty sure that Yujin won’t be coming out of her room though.”

That made you freeze. Even though Rei had mentioned that it was unlikely that you’d see her, there was still a chance you would.

Did you want to risk it?

Rei had no one else.

Things could either go spectactularly right or horribly wrong.

“I’ll come.”

“Sure?”

“Sure.”

“You’re sure sure?”

“I’m sure sure.”

You laughed a little, and she smiled too.

“Tomorrow, 7 p.m. Wear something…party-ish, but not too formal, I guess? You know what I mean.”

“Yup.”

6:45 p.m.

You were sitting on the couch of the living room, wearing an outfit you deemed appropriate for the party. Rei was still getting ready in her room, so to pass the time you were on your phone, scrolling through your Instagram feed.

Chaewon. Like, comment.

Gaeul. Like, comment.

Wonyoung. Like, comment.

Jiwon, Rei. Like, comment, cute.

Yujin.

She didn’t post anything fancy or pictures of her going outside or having fun.

It was just selcas of her wearing her new headphones. She had her favorite lipgloss on, her hair was in a bun and she was wearing her glasses in the pictures.

10 minutes ago.

She probably wasn’t going to be in the party then, since her outfits for parties were completely different.

You should have been sighing in relief, but no — you felt your heart sink from disappointment.

Yet, you were staring at the pictures. She looked adorable, and she was smiling brightly in the last picture, and damn it you were falling for her all over again.

If you weren’t down bad before, this cemented it.

You wanted to see her smile, you wanted to see her face right in front of yours, not on an Instagram picture that didn’t fully capture and present her beauty. You wanted to see her laugh because of you. You wanted her to be with you, and it hurt.

You quickly turned off your phone as you heard footsteps. Rei came in, shining with excitement. She looked stunning. You grinned at her.

“Trying to impress someone?”

Her face turned red, and she looked away from you.

“Uh…um…”

“Is Jiwon coming? Your precious Liz?”

She was cosplaying a tomato at this point, giving you your answer. Liz was a nickname for Jiwon that only Rei had permission to use, and bringing it up was how you could squeeze stuff out of either of them that they were unwilling to divulge at first.

“She is, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Cute. Love the Instagrm post too, by the way.”

“You saw-?”

“Of course.”

“Y/N…”

“I’m not stalking you both! I follow you girls, remember?”

She sighed.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. We should get going now, it’s 6:57.”

You realized how quickly time passed while you were staring at Yujin’s pictures. You stood up and walked out the door, not really expecting anything.

When you reached, the strong smell of alcohol hit your nostrils and you winced, not really liking it. You couldn’t back out now, however, so you just shrugged it off before sitting on the couch in the middle of the living room as people danced, socialized and drank all around you.

You didn’t know anyone at the party on a close basis save for Gaeul, Chaewon, Sakura, Yunjin, Kazuha and of course Rei. You preferred to keep your circle of friends relatively small so that you wouldn’t be involved in any drama, although you liked hearing about it. You always thought it worked effectively, but now you were wondering what it’d be like to be on the dance floor with a few other friends.

Chaewon and Gaeul came over and talked to you at some point, but they had to leave after a while since they were the hosts and had attend to other guests. Chaewon told you that Yunjin and Kazuha didn’t want to come. Sakura was busy, so she couldn’t. Just like Wonyoung, you couldn’t help but think.

You were thirsty and they had arranged some juice in the corner for those who didn’t want to drink. You got off the couch, deciding to let the couple making out nearby have some space. You went over to the table with the juice, and you took a bit of time to choose what you wanted to drink. As you were troubling yourself with this very hard choice, you heard a quiet and groggy voice right behind you.

“Hey, can you pass me a cup of apple juice?”

Extremely familiar voice. Your fingers gripped the plastic cup in your hand tighter.

“Yu…Yujin?”

You turned around, and your guess was right.

There she was in full glory.

She had those headphones on, and was wearing an oversized shirt and sweatpants that looked comfy. You subconsciously tugged at the collar of your dress. Her hair was ruffled, and her eyes were red and puffy along with her face looking sullen, making it obvious that she had been crying before.

“Y-Y/N? I’m sorry, I-I’ll just get-get it my-myself-”

“No, it’s…fine. Apple juice, right?”

The tension was so thick that your 3rd grade English teacher’s ass was (quite literally) shaking. She nodded, and watched you pour her a cup. You could feel her eyes on you, waiting for you to say something, and you guessed that it was about the letter.

Suddenly, you could feel her hand on your shoulder, before she gently pulled you close to her as she wrapped her arms around you in one of her familiar and comforting hugs. Her hand was in your hair, stroking it.

“Come, let’s go to my room. I’ll help you calm down.”

You didn’t say anything in protest, instead simply allowing her to take you. The two of you went inside her dorm room, and she closed the door, locking it. Your eyes darted around the four walls you were in, and your mind flashed with memories of that whole year you both had. You set free the tears trapped in the prison that was your eyes. She hugged you tightly again, her voice soothing.

“Y/N, darling, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m sorry.”

The petname she reserved for you, ‘darling’, slipped out of her mouth, as she always used to use that with you. She froze for a moment, but as she saw that you had no reaction to it, she relaxed. Back then she could call you that unabashedly, but now she had to be careful. You didn’t care though, you loved the way it rolled off her tongue.

After a few minutes, you had finally calmed down. You looked at the plastic cup in your hand, noticing that it was now half empty. You were sure that it was nearly filled to the brim before though. Your eyes trailed to Yujin’s shirt and you saw a few stains on it, solving the mystery of the missing juice. Were your hands really shaking that much?

“Um…sorry about the juice on your shirt.”

“Nevermind it. How do you feel now?”

You slowly moved the cup — now only contaning half of its previous content — to her free hand, but she gently pushed it back and tilted your hand upward, towards your face.

“You drink it.”

“But-”

“Drink.”

She smiled a little at you, and you were mesmerized. You probably looked like an idiot right now, gaping at your ex, but could you really care? She was here, in front of you, smiling at you, and your eyes darted to her lips almost instinctively, missing how they felt on yours.

“Y/N, how do you feel now?”

Obviously, you couldn’t stare forever.

“Better. Thanks Yujin, you…really helped.”

She tilted her head at you endearingly in her usual manner, her smile getting wider, although there was some sadness behind it.

"I missed you."

Her eyes widened, her facial features rearranged into surprise, confusion and a tiny bit of hope.

“You…missed me?”

You looked at your fingers, fiddling with them nervously. 

“Uh…sorry if it was a bit inappropriate to say rig-”

“No, no, no- don’t apologize, Y/N.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t mind.”

Her eyes looked deeply into yours, searching for something, searching for an answer. You knew what she wanted, and you took a deep breath.

“I…I read your letter.”

Her eyes widened, and her fingers intertwined with your desperately. You missed the feeling of her hand fitting perfectly into yours badly, and you didn’t realize that until now.

“And…? I’m not going to react harshly to anything you say, I just-just need an ans-”

“I want you back.”

Her eyes were about to pop out of their sockets at this point. Her face was full of disbelief.

“Re…Really?”

“Yeah.”

Gently taking the plastic cup from your hand before setting it on the nightstand near her bed (one you remembered well), she held the other hand too, a silly little smile on her face.

“Y/N, you don’t have to if you don’t wan-”

“But I do. I want you. I want whatever we had. I need it all back.”

Her smile reached her eye, squeezing out a few tears. One of her hands moved from yours to cup your cheek. 

“Thank you for giving me another chance, Y/N darling. I was scared of what you’d say, if I’ll be honest.”

You smiled at the familiar nickname, and inched a bit closer until your foreheads were touching. She giggled softly, a sound that warmed your heart.

In a quick movement, you felt her lips on yours in a small yet delicate peck, as if anything more would make you break. She pulled back, looking away shyly. Your eyes were wide, and your face was frozen in shock. Your lips were parted slightly for a moment, before you put a hand on her shirt collar and tugged it, making her jerk forward so that her lips could meet yours again. 

Just like that, you both were back in the old times.

#kpop fanfic #kpop #fluff #gxg #gxg imagine #angst with a happy ending #fem reader #K-pop x reader #kpop imagines #girl group x reader #girl group imagines #mallow's works #mallow's oneshots #ive x reader #ive fluff #ive angst #yujin x reader #yujin fanfic #yujin imagines #ive fanfic #kpop girls

[cwpiqwon]

just a call- ahn yujin

summary- the 3 times y/n waited for yujin's call and the 1 time she called her.

warnings- angst, yujin being the worst gf ever, cheating, swearing, yujin gets slapped, screaming, not edited.

author's note- if you see any spelling errors, no you don't.

the first time

y/n had never had to worry about her girlfriend's loyalty towards her. ahn yujin never gave her any reason to worry. she was everything you'd desire in a partner.

she always made sure to kiss y/n's cheek before going to work, she helped with the cooking and cleaning, she arranged dates for them and most importantly, she always called y/n everyday during her free time.

no matter how much workload she had or how stressed she was, yujin would always find time to call y/n. and no matter what she was doing, y/n would push everything aside to attend yujin's call.

they'd talk about the most mundane things, from how their day went to who did what at yujin's workplace today. the things they talked about never mattered, it was the other's presence that mattered for them.

and so, when one evening yujin didn't call, y/n couldn't help bet feel worried. she knew there was nothing to be worried about but the break in their daily routine really unsettled the girl.

that night when yujin returned, y/n couldn't help but voice the issue that had been weighing her down the whole evening.

"You didn't call today." the girl's small voice and sad pout made yujin's heart shatter. she quickly took her girlfriend's hands in hers and pressed a loving kiss to her cheek.

"I'm sorry love, the workload was crazy today. I had wanted to call you during my break but then an important client came in and we had to cut our break short."

y/n couldn't help but let out a giggle as the older girl basically rapped from how fast she was speaking. she pulled yujin down by her tie and placed a light kiss on her lips before rushing off to the kitchen.

the second time

y/n let out a sigh as she glanced at her phone's screen for what seemed to be the nth time. it was currently 10:30 pm and yujin's side of the bed was still empty.

yujin hadn't called her the whole evening and hadn't even replied to her texts. y/n chewed on her bottom lip as worry clouded her brain and panic filled her body to the brim.

she had called yujin's coworkers earlier and according to them, yujin had already left with another colleague. although this should have been enough to ring sirens in the girl's head, she ignored it.

y/n trusted her yujin. she was her first love and there was no way yujin would ever do something to purposely hurt her. yujin loves her.

before y/n could worry anymore, the sound of the front door opening filled her ears. she got up and rushed to check on her girlfriend just to see the girl she loved, holding hands with her colleague.

this made the girl's heart squeeze a little but she just chalked it up as worry. she forced herself to not overreact and walked up to the duo.

when yujin saw her girlfriend walking up to her, she pulled away her hand from the other girl's grasp in a hurry.

she pulled away from the girl and shrugged her coat off before looking at her girlfriend who was starting up at her.

"y/n, I'm so sorry my love! I totally forgot to tell you that I'd be going out with gaeul today. I was just so busy and..."

yujin knew the excuse was overused and so did y/n yet she still accepted it with a smile, welcoming the girl home and asking 'gaeul' if she'd like to join them for dinner.

"ah no need for that, gaeul and I already had dinner at the restaurant near office. how about you go get ready for bed while I go see her off"

y/n just nodded with a small smile before she walked off to clean dining table which was still filled with food she had prepared for both of them to eat together.

"I'll just eat in the morning I guess, I wasn't even that hungry anyways..."

that was just one of the many lies she'd have to tell herself to keep their strained relationship from breaking.

the third time

the room was filled with people yet y/n felt lonely. some people were dancing, some were drinking while some were just awkwardly standing around, hoping for the event to end.

y/n was one of them. she felt like a stranger in her own house. felt like an outsider at her own birthday party. all because the one person she truly wanted to spend her day with, was still not home.

as time progressed, the party died down and people started leaving after wishing the birthday girl a good night. bit y/n couldn't focus on any of that.

she kept gazing at the front door. waiting, wishing that yujin would walk inside with her arms wide open for the birthday girl.

yujin had left in the morning, just like every other day. there was no "goodmorning hug" or "I'm off to work now" kiss. no happy birthday and no I love you either.

this left the girl to think that maybe her girlfriend had some kind of surprise planned for her and this nonchalance was just a ploy to fool her and get a reaction out of her. alas, it was all just wishful thinking.

it was 12:00 now and everyone had already left. the red solo cups and the tears running down the girl's cheeks being the only remainder of the party.

as the girl sat there sobbing to herself, the front door finally opened. the girl she had been waiting for all night finally came in.

yujin reeked of alcohol, her tie was loose, hair messy and there was a stagger in her steps. just as y/n was about to ask her where she was, yujin spoke up.

"why's this place so dirty? did you throw a party behind my back? you could've atleast tried to clean up before I arrived!"

instead of answering any questions, y/n just got up and walked off to their shared bedroom, ready to cry herself to sleep.

before she could get inside however, yujin grabbed her wrist and forced the girl to face her.

"I'm not done talking to you. answer me when I ask you something!"

a loud slap could be heard as y/n's hand met with yujin's cheek. she pulled her hand away from the girl and rubbed to sore flesh that was now red.

"since you want to know so bad, i'll tell you. yes I did throw a party. you want to know the occasion? it was my fucking birthday party! but you should've already known that right? it's okay though, you probably forgot, since you were so busy getting drunk with someone else!"

y/n was sure they'd be getting noise complaints from their neighbors tomorrow from all the shouting that took place but she couldn't bring herself to care. not when yujin looked so unbothered.

"You know what yujin, I think we should just end this relationship. whatever we had, it's clear that we lost it. let's not drag it on any further"

yujin's eyes which were once heavy from the alcohol in her system turned wide and frantic as she tried her best to convince the girl to stay.

"baby no, you don't mean that. it's just your anger talking. you love me, you'll never leave me. just give me another chance please. I'm so sorry. I am such an idiot, I can't believe I forgot. I was about to surprise you for your birthday but we had a company dinner today and I forgot to call to inform you! I swear it'll never happen again baby please. you don't want to do this either. I know you don't. you're just angry right now."

yujin was sobbing at this point. she whole body shaking as sobs after sobs left her pretty lips. y/n knew if she let this go once, it'll drag her down forever, but yujin's tears had always been her weakness.

and so y/n forgave yujin once again. completely ignoring the red flags that this situation raised, just like she ignored the scent of someone else's perfume on yujin's clothes and the bruises on her neck.

yujin couldn't help but be thankful for the fact that her girlfriend was such an emotional fool.

the one time y/n called yujin

the walls of the mall felt like they were closing in on y/n. she felt as if her heart had shattered into tiny pieces and left a cavity where it once sat.

her vision blurred with tears as her gaze remained fixed on the sight before her. she had came to shop for yujin's birthday gift.

just when she thought she found the perfect gift to mend her relationship with yujin, the universe decided to gift her with the view of her girlfriend with another girl. the same girl she introduced as her colleague. kim gaeul.

yujin's arm was looped around the girl's waist as she gazed at the girl with loving eyes. the last straw for y/n was when yujin bent down to place a kiss on the girl's lips.

y/n whipped her phone out, her face void of any emotions and her heart filled with pain. she called the girl that was responsible for all her pain and watched as yujin's phone rang.

she saw how yujin rolled her eyes when she saw her called id on her screen and how she picked up after a few rings, all while gaeul clinged to her arm.

"y/n, how many times do I have to tell you to not call me during work hours? is it too hard for you to understand a simple instruction? are you really that dumb?"

"turn around"

as yujin turned around, a curse left her lips. she saw the girl she played with, the girl she once loved, the girl who she once saw a future with, staring back at her.

her eyes were red and tears were running down her cheeks, yujin knew this was a lost battle and there was no point trying to convince her to stay anymore.

"fine, guess you caught me. you just made it easier for me babe, now run along, I've got things to do"

y/n couldn't believe her ears, the girl who once promised her the world, the girl who once held her heart, was the same girl who was the reason for all her pain.

she knew there was nothing left. no love to fight for, no reason to stay, no chance at getting what they once had back.

so she just turned and walked away. to some, it may look like she ran away like a coward instead of addressing the issue. but in reality, y/n faced her biggest fear of letting yujin go that day and won over it.

cause at the end of the day, having the last word isn't what matters, it's the satisfaction of having defeated your biggest fears that matters.

#🖲 ➟ server update #yujin x reader #ahn yujin #ive x reader #ive yujin #yujin angst #ive angst #ive an yujin #an yujin #ahn yujin x reader

[cjayius]

only if — jang wonyoung

⭑ you're just like an angel . friend!wonyoung + fem!reader . wc 0.26k

in the dim light of her room, you glance at wonyoung's perfectly sculpted features, illuminated by the moonlight seeping in through the curtains.

her head is resting on your shoulder as she rambles on about some guy, her voice soft and filled with such adoration. as she continues to talk, you can't help but feel a pang of weariness wash over you.

how many times have you listened to her talk about someone else ? how many nights have you spent silently longing for her to notice you ? how many times has your heart been broken by her ?

unable to hear his name fall from her tinted lips any longer, you interrupt her mid-sentence. " won, " you whisper, voice low but tinged with frustration, " i'm tired of hearing about him. "

she pauses, gazing at you, confusion clouding her features. " w-what do you mean ? have i been talking too long, ynnie ? " her tone was laced with uncertainty, and as she looked at you with those big eyes of hers, god, you swore you could do anything for her.

your heart clenches at the sight of her, " no, i- " your words are caught in your throat as her eyes search yours. " it's nothing, i'm just tired. i think i'll head home, kay ? "

as you turn to leave, wonyoung's confusion is evident in her expression. she reaches out, her hand tentative as she tries to grasp yours, but you pull away gently, a sad smile playing on your lips.

" wonyoung. not today, alright ? " you murmur softly, your voice carried a hint of resignation.

you feel your heart hurt as you step back from her, and out of her room, bag clutched tightly in your grasp. a lone tear escapes your eye, tracing a wet path down your cheek as you silently wished for things to be different.

if only she would ever look at you. if only she saw you for who you truly were.

if only she loved you.

#ive #ive wonyoung #an yujin #jang wonyoung #ive liz #ive fluff #wonyoung fluff #wonyoung angst #ive angst #wonyoung x reader #enhypen

[luvyunjinxo]

coming soon ‼️

jang wonyoung x fem!reader smut - I'll make you feel better || prompt: you recently got cheated on, wonyoung makes things better. (finished)

huh yunjin x fem!reader smut - can't sleep at night? || prmpt: the title spoils it all 😋

kim chaewon x fem!reader (smut ofc) - refusal || prompt: refusing to give into chaewon? ..

winter x fem!reader angst - lets fall in love for tonight || prompt: falling in love for the night and forgetting in the morning . (based on a song)

kazuha x fem!reader fluff - your biggest fan:) || prompt: title says it all 😋

an yujin x fem!reader angst - rejection and denial . || prompt: the title says it all again .

#wonyoung smut #jang wonyoung #ive smut #huh yunjin smut #yunjin smut #le sserafim smut #chaewon smut #kim chaewon smut #winter angst #aespa angst #le sserafim fluff #kazuha fluff #kazuha x y/n #kazuha nakamura fluff #an yujin angst #ive angst #coming soon!

[dollfacedsl1ut]

Yandere prompt #43 + Gaeul 💙

content : drugging, needles

prompt + “stop whining they’ll hear”

a/n : finally back from a semi Istillpostedbutitwasntfrequent hiatus

Tears rolled down your cheeks as gaeul pinned you to the bed with her weight, your arms were bruised and sore from the amount of needles that she had inserted inside you just so you’d shut up for once, your cries got louder as gaeul inserted another syringe filled with a clear liquid it was the same one she used those other times, you wanted to move but your body was too sore and tired, it felt like sleep paralysis but everything was actually, the sharp needles pierced your skin as you cried out, gaeul’s hand slapped over your mouth as she giggled, your visions started to blur as you mumbled against her hand “stop whining they’ll hear” she motioned towards your door, your roommates shuffling around outside of your door oblivious to what was happening in your room, your mind started going blank as your whines ceased, a soft kiss was placed on your cheek as your eyes closed your heart beating at a rapid pace as gaeul just smiled at you, caressing your face the last thing you heard was a unzipping sound and a numbness overcome your body.

#ive gaeul #ive angst #ive #ive wonyoung #ive moodboard #ive icons #ive layouts #gaeul x reader #gaeul smut #gaeul layouts #gaeul #kim gaeul #gaeul icons #lesbian smut #smut #Kpop #Kpop gg #twice smut #Kpop gg smut #ʚɞ. spicy

[c4tzyu]

꒰ ive reaction ꒱ ₊˚ˑ༄ an interviewer asks you rude/inappropriate question

꒰ pairing ꒱ ive x 7th member!reader

꒰ cw/tw ꒱ slight angst, protective girls, suggestive in gaeul’s (suggestive romance not smut!!), other idols mentioned (txt yeonjun)

꒰ a/n ꒱ wrote gaeul and rei’s section last so I ran out of ideas, but I tried my best!

˚ ༘♡ ·˚꒰ yujin is very protective when she hears the interviewer ask you the question, “Do you like all the attention you get because of the revealing outfits you wear?” Yujin immediately steps in when you start stuttering, trying to answer the question. She tries her best to keep her cool, but she’s truly mad at the interviewers unprofessional manner. Yujin answers the question for you by saying, “She doesn’t like that kind of attention, but she can’t help that people want to view her inappropriately.”

˚ ༘♡ ·˚꒰ gaeul is visually upset, turning around to roll her eyes before turning back. The question was “Y/n, You’ve become very close with TXT’s Yeonjun. Is there anything going on between you?” The question wasn’t the inappropriate part it was the suggestive look the interviewer gave you, implying something other than a friendship. “Uhh..no, we’re strictly friends and Colleagues.” You nodded, awkwardly shifting in your seat. Gaeul would just stare at the interviewer, not saying anything, but visibly upset by the way the question was asked.

˚ ༘♡ ·˚꒰ rei wouldn’t want any conflict so she would be quiet, but would definitely stare at the interviewer. She worries more about you being asked a rude or inappropriate question than if she was asked one. So when you are asked the question she would be worried about how you feel. “Do you think you’re up to par with the other members?” The interviewer was clearly suggesting you weren’t with the weird stare she was giving you. Yujin stepped in, knowing that Rei wouldn’t say anything. “Y/n is very talented and She has her own strengths that the other members don’t have.” Rei nodded along with the other members, comforting you with a rub on the back.

˚ ༘♡ ·˚꒰ wonyoung is shocked, taken aback when the interviewer asked you the inappropriate question, “Did you wear that outfit because you knew you were gonna see me?” Wonyoung immediately looks to you to see you sitting next to her laughing awkwardly while pulling up the top you were wearing. She’d watch the interviewer from then on, making sure he wasn’t staring at you weird and she’d cover you to make you feel more comfortable.

˚ ༘♡ ·˚꒰ liz feels uncomfortable for you. Liz points out his rudeness in the most subtle way, trying to not get in trouble. The second she asks the question, “Do you think your position as one of the vocalists is fitting since your voice still needs work?” Even if the interviewer didn’t mean to be rude Liz and You were still offended. Liz answered the question as quickly as it was asked “I think everyone’s voice can improve so that’s not an appropriate question to ask Y/n.”

#ive yujin #ive rei #ive gaeul #ive wonyoung #ive Liz #ive x reader #ive fluff #ive angst #ive reactions #ive #ive K-pop #ive scenarios #ive headcanons #ive mlt #wonyoung x reader #yujin x reader #rei x reader #liz x reader #gaeul x reader

[ctrlemis]

𝐅𝐀𝐔𝐋𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 ⁀ MASTERLIST

SYNOPSIS. Wonyoung & Jungwon are more alike then people think. Besides the basics, like being the same age and both being idols, they both enough the same types of music, stan the same groups, and they both have a crush on ETERNIA’s maknae. Only two problems. The world is convinced they’re secretly dating and they both don't know that the other likes Y/N L/N

PAIRING. jang wonyoung x gender neutral! idol!reader x yang jungwon

GENRE. idol au, crack/my attempts at humor, strangers to friends to lovers, angst, fluff, friends to lovers.

WARNINGS. strong language, drama, sexual jokes/references, dumb kids being dumb kids, idol drama, mentions of depression, cheating fighting, minor toxicity, bi wonyoung, bi jungwon.

FEATURING. enhypen, ive, some members of le sserafim, blackswan, p1harmony, seventeen, fromis_9, kard, bts, vevila, skz.

NOTE. WE BACK🤭first and foremost, full credits to @seungstarss for making this amazing banner for the fic!!! im so excited for this especially because this time its a co-ed group!! also, because vevila is featured in this, i will be giving y/n a name!! not sure what it is yet but yeah? also like before and like usually in my smaus, y/n doesn’t have a set face claim! and they are gender neutral so sometimes ill sure a fem fc and sometimes a masc fc and yeah. UPDATE: fault lines is now discontinued.

PROFILES. WALMART ETERNALS. THE WONZ SQUAD. THE MAKNAEZ.

CHAPTERS.

1. army shooter

2. spoiled comebacks

3. JUNGWON'S A FURRY TOO?

4. bts(not bangtan)

5. THE ENTIRE FRANCHISE

6. BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK-

7. rainbow coded person

8. awaken and find out what happens after like

9. TBA.

10. TBA.

TAGLIST. @jihyoscrown @lunaflvms @enloveclub @kange3939 @arizejkt19 @theandrogynisticcat @maiverie @enhypenslay @wonieleles

PERM TAGLIST. @jungwonize @soobin-chois @jangwonie @hiqhkey @bigtoewinwin @enhacolor @abdiitcryy @hseungi @sh1mzu @chiyuv @seungstarss @strwberrydinosaur @sarcasmhadachild @butterflyy-ningg @simeonswhore

#//↷ fault line asks #kflixnet #ctrlemis #enhypen drabbles #enhypen imagines #enhypen angst #enhypen fluff #enhypen scenarios #enhypen smau #enhypen social au #enhypen social media au #ive fluff #ive smau #ive angst #ive imagines #enhypen ive #enhypen yang jungwon #ive jang wonyoung #enhypen jungwon #ive wonyoung #yang jungwon #yang jungwon x reader #jang wonyoung #jang wonyoung x reader #jungwon x reader x wonyoung #wonyoung x jungwon(unconfirmed) #wonyoung fluff #jungwon fluff #jungwon angst #fault lines! ➰

[haerinz]

𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞

❥ childhood best friend wonyoung x gn!reader ❥ genre: angst, unrequited love au, hanahaki au, high school au ❥ warning: poor writing lol & not proofread, not sure if it counts but wonyoung ties ribbons in reader’s hair ❥ lmk if you feel that there are any warnings i should add ❥ word count: 0.9k ❥ this is my first written work, so please give feedback if you can!! ❥ jungwon x reader version | mlist

everything had always looked so pretty from up on the rooftop. your lunch sits forgotten on the ground as you sit with your legs hanging over the ledge. the sun shines down on you, bright and unwavering as it hits your eyes. In spite of its warmth, your heart still feels cold. and no matter the constant wiping away, your tears don’t dry. rather, they continue silently streaming down your face. although you manage to keep any noise from escaping, anyone looking closely enough would notice how your chest heaves, showing your struggle to maintain a steady breath. you gasp as the sobs rack through you but your cries are quiet. you keep it all locked up. it’s an art you’ve mastered from years of practice. unlike wonie, you never appreciated how sensitive you were. you still remember how she would always comfort you, saying that your heart was so expressive and so loving. 

you were forever happy with wonyoung, never not smiling or laughing when together. you adore her. she's everything you want and all that you wish you were. she had always tried to teach you to appreciate yourself more, but your confidence always tanked as soon as it was no longer just the two of you. it wasn’t hard to tell that no one would ever place you on the same level as her. you would never be good enough. and if you weren’t good enough to be her friend, what would anyone think of you both together? why should wonie settle for someone as lacking as you? you figured this out early on, but you were always reluctant to do anything about it. but that all changed this school year. the time had finally come when you and wonyoung were no longer together. she had been placed in class 3-A and you, in 3-B. 

“don’t worry y/n. principal kim still owes me a favor from first year, so i’ll just convince him to move me into your class.” wonyoung smiles and grabs your hands in hers, glad that she had come up with a solution. 

you cut her off before she can continue with her plan, “wonie, it’s okay. we’re not always going to be together, so maybe it’ll be nice. come on, don’t you like the idea of having new friends?”

her smile fades slightly, showing she’d been caught off-guard by your statement. you’re disappointed in yourself, knowing that you’d made her sad, but you know it’s for the best.

3 months had passed since then and you haven’t spoken to wonie since. it had been hard at first, but she eventually noticed the pattern of your frequent declining to hang out. she still says “hi” to you in the hallways, to which you can’t find it in yourself to ignore and occasionally she even tries to  invite you over, but you always refuse, claiming to have other plans. everyday at 12:25pm, you run out the classroom, heading straight to the roof. that’s where you spend your lunch period now. wonie still hasn’t found out where you disappear to and you don’t plan on her finding out anything soon. you’re doubtful if she still tries waiting for you anymore, you’re sure that her new friends would have taken her attention by now. you’re quite happy with her new friend group. liz, sullyoon and rei are a sweet group of girls, just as perfect as wonyoung. In fact, they look rather good together. 

wiping your eyes with the back of your hand, you notice everything has gotten a little darker. a cloud has come and stolen away your sun, hiding its beauty from the rest of the world. the cloud looks quite pretty as you observe it; reminding you of a bow. like the little ribbons wonie would always tie in your hair during school holidays. you desperately miss her with every fiber of your being, but how can one miss what they never had. or rather, what you never should have had. wonie was never meant to be yours. you knew she was destined for bigger things and deserved better people. you should just be happy that she has others to care for her. as much it pained you to let her go, you know it’s for the best. you just need to face it. wonyoung will never reciprocate your affections. you know it in your heart that you’ll simply never be good enough.

it had always been difficult to calm yourself down after crying. the sun helps though. wonie did too, but you know that she can’t be there for you. instead, the sun takes her place, gently drying your tears. you're just starting to feel better when your chest starts to feel tight. it's getting harder to breathe as you feel something stuck in your throat. it hurts as you manage to cough it out, but it's heart wrenching to see the rose petal fall out.

❥ tysm for reading!! i hope you enjoyed <3❥ jungwon version | mlist

#jang wonyoung x reader #ive x reader #wonyoung angst #wonyoung drabble #ive angst #kpop angst #kpop x reader #ive oneshot #ive scenarios #ive x yn #wonyoung x yn #hanahaki au #jungwon x reader #wonyoung fluff #wonyoung x reader #fae’s love letters ★ #ive blurbs #ive headcanons #jang wonyoung #wonyoung

[luvsenha]

SUMMARY : in which, jake has a crush on y/n since 4th grade, but still never had the guts to confess to her but this year he surely wants to confess at all costs!

FEAUTURING: txt members, rest of enha, IVE's wonyoung, Karina of aespa

GENRE : smau,fluff, crack , angst(if you squint)

WARNINGS : will add soon!

TAGLIST: open!

STATUS : coming soon

CHAPTERS

COMING SOON !!!!

#enhypen au #jake #enhypen imagines #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #enha smau #enhypen #enha x reader #enha sunoo #enha sunghoon #stray kids smau #heeseung smau #seventeen smau #enha jake #jake smau #enha niki #smau series #kpop smau #ive angst #after like #ive after like

[fillinforlater]

Blonde: Chapter III

Female Reader x Kim Gaeul

Length: 2500 words

Tags: angst/fluff, another bad day, losing your dignity, illness, someone who cares, there is a fever dream, Gaeul's relationship, struggling with your identity, we got a twist at the end

Inspiration: "Why Am I Like This?" by Orla Gartland

(A/N: Finally, another chapter to this slowly developing plot. I jope you enjoy it. @firagaarmor for obvious reasons)

"Didn't you say 108,000?"

"No, sir, it's 180,500 won."

"Oh, I see."

The old, fragile fingers of this confused, bald man creep back into his purse, trying to find another bill in what is probably a maze of money and plastic cards for him. You wouldn’t mind it one bit, you get paid either way and on usual nights, traffic is so little that barely anyone else gets inconvenienced. However, tonight is rather unusual. Apparently everyone forgot something and is now in a haste to buy said something. There is a long line of impatient stressed moms, annoyed teenagers and everything in between or beyond showing or voicing their disapproval.

It’s not you, you’re not the cause for their stress and discomfort, yet the customer’s toxicity still flies to you like you’re some kind of magnet. It all comes back to stab you, with passive-aggressive remarks or the glances up and down your small frame. Doesn’t really help that you only had cold ramen noodles, sweets and a little bit of bread in the past five days and that the ice cold showers make your nose itch with an impending cold. God, you must look pathetically miserable, even for your standards.

After the man finally gets his cash together, the checkouts are fast, heartless, and your heart aches for her to be at the end of the line. Gaeul—with her bright hair and even brighter smile to greet you when she is out buying drinks again—she could really save this evening. You yearn for her encouragement and presence more than for the next hot meal. Maybe even more than for the next two hot meals. 

But there is no blonde angel to save you tonight. With the last customer buying their groceries, the lights die one by one, leaving you in a mostly empty store, alone with thousands and thousands of tasty and not-so-tasty products you’d love to put into a pan and fry. The thuds of your sneakers on the floor almost drown out the grumble in your stomach or the sniffling of your nose as you walk into yet another cold night with nothing to look forward to. 

I fucking hate this shit. 

#

You want to vomit, throw yourself off your bed, tear every single strand of your dark hair out as you dial your mother's number again. You hope it’s over quickly, but one can never know with her, especially if she still stubbornly refuses to help you. Take deep breaths, try to keep your head straight though thinking has become more and more exhaustive with every calorie you’re missing. 

“What is it?” your mother groans, though you find her tone to be a lot more amused than last time. Someone is cheering and laughing in the background, drowning out even the loud TV. 

“The bills, mom. I still have no electricity, no hot water, no heater.”

“Oh right.”

A response colder than your room. You try to straighten your back to speak to her loud and clear, with at least some authority, but you feel yourself crumble when the clanking of bottles loudly booms through the speaker.

“Did… did your boss finally pay you?” you carefully ask, earning an immediate response.

“Yes, he did.”

“Then why didn’t you pay the bills?”

Silence, except for the crime drama running in the back, finding all the suspects and then the killer, as they always do. This case right here is totally clear, no one needs to investigate for more than five minutes to find out that she is at fault, yet it feels like you're on trial, awaiting your parole, which for some reason is still in the balance.

“You know, sweetheart,” your mother cheekily responds, her saliva loudly flopping around in her mouth, mixed with the disgusting flavor of cigarettes and beer. “I really worked hard for that money. It’s my money. In the end I can decide what happens with it.”

Oh God, don’t do that, please for the love of—and don’t call me sweetheart.

“You can’t be serious,” you barely chirp out, your heart throbbing, crumbling like your entire body as you can see your entire foundation, the fragile remains of your fake stability finally falter. You can never cover all of your expenses with this one job and you can’t quit school now, not after getting so close to finally finishing it. You need her money and she seems to finally use it against you.

“It’s just the truth,” she responds nonchalantly, her voice a lot lighter and higher in pitch than usual. You hear someone cackle in the background.

“Sweetheart.

Don’t call me that.

“How about you—

Don’t do this.

“—start begging for my money. C’mon! Get on your knees and beg for it! I’m tired of funding your lazy, incompetent lifestyle. You should be so grateful for my throwing money at you all these years. 

“I didn’t hear you! Get your lazy ass out of your bed now, and on your damn knees.

“Beg for it.”

Laughter from behind her. It's not the TV.

#

A hot shower, warm noodles, a cozy bed—they never felt so wrong, so disgusting. Even as your life objectively improves, it feels horrible, like you had to sell yourself and your soul for it to happen.

Your knees are still drawn to the floor. You might sit in a chair, listen to teachers all day or sit at the checkout, pulling items over the scanner, your knees still feel like they should get on the floor and beg.

Please let me pass.

Please give me more money.

Please leave me alone.

Please ignore my embarrassing existence.

"Hey."

"Uhhh, good evening, ma'a—Gaeul?"

Gaeul's dainty fingers catch your shoulders as you slump forward, against the checkout counter and almost fold over. Your body, devoid of energy, loses all tension.

“Hey, hey,” Gaeul calls out to you, and like the caring mother you never had, the warm palm of her hand cups your forehead. “Oh lord, you’re so hot! You’re definitely sick, what are you doing here?”

“I-I have to work,” you respond, a wave of something hot and heavy pressing down on your brain. This lava burns itself into you and makes every thought process excruciatingly hard. You haven’t even noticed it until now. “I’m not sick, every-thing is fine.”

Your smile is weak, dozy and fake, it cannot fool Gaeul a bit. Her beautiful face falls into deep wrinkles of worry as you can barely lift yourself out of her supporting arms. There is an awkward pause between the two of you, only interrupted by another customer clearing their throat. You try to get back to scanning, but one of Gaeul’s cans slips through your fingers a couple of times.

“I don’t think you should do this,” Gaeul says quietly, softly. “You don’t need to prove your toughness, it’s okay to be sick for a few days. I think your boss will understand.”

“Really, Gaeul, I’m okay.” The final can, straight into the blonde’s bag. Through your blurry eyes you can barely make out the color of her jacket, or sweater, or whatever it is—either way, it definitely suits her. “Thanks for worrying though.”

#

Why did I push her away like this? Why didn’t I listen to her? Why am I always like this?

Everything is hot and everything is cold. You need another jacket or the cold will get worse, but it simultaneously feels like you could die from overheating if you don’t start throwing away layer after layer of clothes. The way your body feels is close to how the inner mechanisms in your brain work in this fever haze. There is nothing, no thought, no conclusion, nothing that matters—yet everything is suddenly relevant.

Objects and details you’ve never actively released before come into focus of your decreasing sight, that one tile in the corner, just as dirty and unspecial as the rest, the second package of gum, purple and pink, the spooky hum when the door opens that never appears when it closes. So you stumble out of the store, tripping over your feet until the fever finally strikes you down.

The concrete, its gray color, is darker the colder it gets. It’s also harder, torturous to lay upon, scorching hot skin on freezing tarmac. Suddenly, brand new sneakers, black and white, small feet, about as small as your own, though they could be—

“Oh my God!”

—a bit bigger, judging by the length of the stockings covered legs that—

“Here, I’ll help you”

—disappear in a plaid skirt, above a combo of thick winter jacket and—

“I knew this was bad. Taxi!”

—a girl, whose hair is both silver and golden, a blonde close to whiteness, nonetheless it looks like a crown adorning and framing her perfectly formed features.

Gaeul.

#

You’re lost in a dream. A school full of students, their ages varying drastically and you do not recognize a single face. The teachers seem a lot more familiar, though they float through the room carelessly, gravity not applying to them. In fact, gravity only applies to you, as the rest of the students fly around the room with their chairs and desks.

A frame of an angel, her hands brushing your cheek, scorching hot, so she puts a wet towel on your face. That’s so nice of her, you must be sick. Sick or not, you cannot miss the day you go to the zoo with the floating class.

The zoo is filled with people, nothing but people. People that look at odd people. Those that have to stand on one leg, those that can’t talk properly, those who like weird things. You can hear your whole class laugh hysterically at all of them, so weird, so wrong, nothing better than to laugh at sickos and be glad that you’re not one of them.

“Uhm, hi.” A voice in the far background, damp, behind a shut door. “Care to explain why you have another girl in your bed?”

You feel like you have to explain yourself, but words are nothing more than concepts in your head, also the zoo is calling, you have to watch the lively corpses float through the water tanks. Luckily, someone speaks for you. The angel.

“She’s a friend and she is sick. That’s all there is to it, Yujin.”

"Oh, really?" The other voice is skeptical, eyebrows raised and she looks for a clever response. “I guess she got sick while laying in your bed? Gaeul, don’t lie to me, okay? Just be straightforward with me.”

“I—” the angel stutters and falls silent. You however found a new enclosure in this zoo which stretches in all directions. This one is rather empty and the enclosure is also no enclosure, just a mirror with a writing above it: ‘Sicko girls that like other girls’.

The reflection is you, of course, in all your—

“What am I going to do with you, hm?” The other voice, now a tall woman of incredible beauty, twirls a couple of golden strands of the angel and tugs them behind her ear with a weak—dishonest, you feel—smile. “The long hair suited you better. I really liked that.”

“I know, Yujin.”

The reflection is you, in all your fault and imperfection, far from perfection and any heavenly being. You are no angel, just a sicko girl that likes girls—and the whole class is laughing.

#

You open your eyes, but the aching, hot pain in your temple and a heavy, wet towel on top of it make actually seeing, realizing anything a pain in the ass. Just the outline of a small face looking down on you, very familiar, very pretty—oh, what a relief to have Gaeul be the first thing you see.

“Wh-where am I?” you ask past dry lips.

“Oh, you’re awake.” Gaeul turns around and quickly reaches for a bottle of water. “Here, drink this, your body needs a lot of water now. You’re in my—my friend's apartment.”

“Damn, then it must have been real fucking bad—”

You cover your mouth, realizing your loud curse in a foreign room, foreign bed, where are your manners, they might have foreign customs. Gaeul’s eyes fall shut when she begins to lightly chuckle. 

“Don’t worry, she’s not here right now,” Gaeul says. “You’re all good. B-but you can’t stay here forever. Just rest up and—you have somewhere to stay, right?”

You carefully remove the towel from your face, catching all the drops running down your forehead as you think about home, your home, finally warm because you threw away your dignity. You’d love to not go there, tear up the contract for rent and run away to something new—into independence.

“Yeah, yup, I—I have a place, don’t worry. Sorry for all the trouble, fuck, I don’t even remember what—I did it again.”

Now Gaeul is holding her stomach, laughing, hitting the blanket that covers your legs and you join her. Though you might sit upright, you feel like falling over, the dizziness, Gaeul’s laugh, they make you feel like you’re still in that dream with the angel. The angel, so ethereal, but made fragile by this voice. A woman.

Suddenly, yours and Gaeul’s face are almost touching, her arms are on your shoulders, yours on her side, her petite frame is in your palm. The laughs have faded, smiles remain but you feel your heart racing. The smile fades and you’re tense. Gaeul is right there and she is so, so pretty.

“You sure you’re alright?” Gaeul asks as she sees your blush. You blush even more and avert your eyes.

“Y-yeah, thank you. You helped a lot. But—

“—are you okay too, Gaeul?”

That’s a smile full of uncertainty, a hint of anger, a glow of hurt. Gaeul’s eyes sparkle and you’d love to blow some life into them. Even better, all the love you have for her, you want to pour it into her and give her power. But no, you have no idea nor any plan to do such a thing. So it’s Gaeul who helps you out of the bed and hands you one of her sweatshirts that isn’t drenched in sweat.

“You are the one with a fever, I’m as healthy as ever!” Gaeul is so bright and her smile shines like a star. In a different universe, she is already a celebrity with a perfect red carpet smile. Fake.

“I didn’t mean that.” In a surge of confidence and worry, you reach for Gaeul’s hand and everything's in slow motion. “I-I’m scared that you’re not happy, that something isn’t right, that—Gaeul, I heard you talk to your friend and she seemed—”

“Look, I—she isn’t my friend.”

Gaeul looks at you. 

“She is my girlfriend.”

Gaeul still looks at you. Now it’s your turn to fake a smile and get it over with.

...

(A/N2: Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more chapters, though it will take time until the next release)

#kpop fluff #gaeul fluff #ive fluff #female idol fluff #female reader #female reader fluff #kpop angst #gaeul angst #ive angst

[miyseung]

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐒

-͟͟͞☆ (G)I-DLE

-͟͟͞☆ ENHYPEN

-͟͟͞☆ STRAY KIDS

extra work:

Old Times (angst and fluff)

summary: ahn yujin was a name you didn't want to hear ever since your break up three months ago. sure, it hurt at first, but now you were okay, you were over her. until she gave you a letter.

#mallow navigation! #mallow's works #mallow's oneshots #mallow's series #kpop fanfic #angst #fluff #kpop #kpop bg #gidle #gxg imagine #stray kids #enhypen #ive #ive fanfic #ive angst #ive fluff #ive imagines #ive x reader #kpop gg #enhypen x reader #enhypen imagines #enhypen fanfic #enhypen angst #enhypen fluff #stray kids imagines #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #stray kids x reader #gidle fanfic

[cwpiqwon]

once a cheater, always a cheater- Kim gaeul

summary- gaeul finally got everything she wanted, or did she?

warnings- angst, yujin being the worst gf ever AGAIN, cheating, yujin deserves to get slapped, crying, not edited.

Author's note- pt. 2 of the yujin fic for my pookie @flolio

gaeul knew what she did was wrong. yujin was never meant to be hers. she already had a girl at home, waiting for her with her heart on her sleeve. gaeul knew it all and yet it didn't stop her from seeking yujin's love.

she remembers the first time yujin kissed her. it was a stormy day and they were both stuck outside the office due to the heavy rain. her clothes were wet and so were her hair and yet yujin remained the most beautiful girl in gaeul's eyes.

gaeul couldn't help herself, her eyes gently trailed up and down the girl's body. from her slightly tan skin which was partially visible through her soaked white top, to her soft lips which looked too enticing to the girl.

gaeul knew it was wrong. she shouldn't be having feelings for someone who already has a partner but the second she saw yujin's eyes trail down her body in the same manner, all the righteous thoughts seemed to leave her mind.

all she could think about was yujin's lips on hers and hands on her waist. and by the way yujin kept staring at her parted lips, her feelings didn't seem one sided anymore.

as yujin reached down to finally connect their lips, gaeul remembers thinking that this was probably just a one time thing. oh how wrong she was. so delightfully wrong. it had made her so happy that she was wrong.

the forbidden kiss turned into kisses and planned dates were soon to follow. she remebers how yujin would ignore yn's call and lie to her about work all while laying on gaeul's bed with her arms around her waist.

it was wrong, but it made gaeul happy. seeing yujin choose her over her girlfriend made gaeul feel like she was more important, like she was worth lying about.

as the days continued, yujin's attention completely lifted from yn and shifted to gaeul. gaeul remembers feeling slight guilt but yujin was quick to kiss it all away.

she remembers asking yujin to come clean to yn and finally break up with her. she was hurt when yujin straight up refused but yujin kissed all the hurt away. she always did.

the day they were caught by yn was probably the best day of gaeul's life. all her self doubts and insecurities vanished when yujin once again chose her over yn.

the following year felt like their honeymoon phase. they took a trip to their favorite places, had multiple dates and showed their devotion to each other every night. gaeul was on cloud nine. but as they say, nothing lasts forever.

the honeymoon phase soon lifted and they were back to their mundane lives. their was no more thrill of sneaking out to meet either. gaeul thought her life was finally stable like she always wanted. she had an amazing girlfriend, a well paying job, an apartment to her name. what more could a girl want?

just when gaeul thought she reached her happily ever after, things began to change. yujin wasn't as affectionate as she used to be, the kisses and "I love you"'s kept getting lesser and lesser and they barely spent any time together.

yujin would wake up early and head off to work without even eating breakfast. this could be normal behavior if it wasn't for the fact that gaeul worked at the same office and saw yujin arrive AFTER her everyday. "maybe she was just planning a surprise for me?" was the only thought that kept gaeul sane during this whole ordeal.

gaeul thought it'll get better soon but once again, she was wrong. yujin got even more distant and was barely around anymore. she would leave early and come back at ungodly hours.

she always had a smirk when typing on her phone and her white shirt smelled like some expensive perfume that didn't belong to either her or gaeul.

if gaeul wasn't so familiar with this setting, she could've easily chalked it up as a coincidence but she knew what all this meant.

the unfamiliar scent on yujin's shirt was once hers and the shaky hands holding the shirt were yn's. gaeul felt her heart constrict.

was this karma? gaeul already knew the answer but alas, sometimes choosing to remain in the dark hurts much less than seeing the truth.and so gaeul ignored all the signs and continued to delude herself into believing her life was just as put together as it was a year ago.

she knew she couldn't choose to remain blind forever and her thought was confirmed when one day she walked into a new Cafe while grocery shopping, only to see her girlfriend making out with choi yena.

yena was a good friend of yujin's even before yujin and yn got together. they were very close to each other. yena knew everything about yujin and vice versa. yena knew about yujin and yn's relationship, she knew about yujin cheating with gaeul and she also knew about gaeul and yujin's new relationship. yet here she was, passionately kissing her.

it was familiar in a sense, gaeul was once in yena's place. she was once the "other girl". she thought that phase got over when yujin finally got rid of yn. she finally got to be the main character of her love story, just to be replaced by Choi Yena. she was once again, just the "other girl".

with a sigh, gaeul turned her back to the two, tears clouding her eyes. she let out a silent sob as she walked out of the Cafe. that day gaeul realized one thing, "once a cheater, always a cheater" isn't just a phrase, it's a reality that managed to ruin gaeul.

#🖲 ➟ server update #kim gaeul #ive x reader #ive angst #ive gaeul #gaeul x reader #gaeul angst #Kim gaeul x reader #ahn yujin #yujin angst

[kaal-ee]

Someone please write wonyoung soft fanfictions 😭😭 i love her so much

#wonyoung #kpop #kpop fanfic #ive wonyoung #jang wonyoung #ive #ive fluff #ive angst #ive yujin #ive leesoo #ive gaeul #ive liz #ive rei #ive reactions #kpop female group

[arrowheadedbitch]

Jason and Tim are arguing, Jason brings up how Tim stole his mantle

Tim, yelling: I did what I was supposed to do!! I got an adult! It's not my fault the adult wouldn't help! I had to take matters into my own hands, I will not be shamed for that! If you want to be mad at someone? Don't be mad at me. Or Bruce. Or Alfred. You wanna be mad at someone? Be mad at Dick Grayson, because when I saw that Batman was falling apart at the seams, I went straight to him! I asked him to help, when Batman was going to tear Gotham apart, piece by piece, in his grief, I BEGGED Dick to help, and he said no, so I had to step up because otherwise no one would.

Jason, not angry anymore: Wh- Tim, you were, you were 13! It wasn't your job to fix a grown man, you didn't have to be the one to save him...

Tim: Then why didn't anyone help!!

Jason: Tim...

Tim: why didn't anyone help?

#angst for your souls #enjoy #tim drake #red robin #robin #batfam #jason todd #red hood #angst #ive been told im a great monologue writer <3