#give me the “for you i would've burned the entire world to ashes but even still you would not choose me”

[kodzukoi]

i want angst prompts i should look for angst prompts

#typing... #but tbh the angst prompts are kind of mid #like they don't hit #give me something that tears at my soul #i don't need that “i never want to see you again” or the “i never loved you anyway” too unrealistic tbh (at least for me and what i've- #-experienced so far) #give me the “for you i would've burned the entire world to ashes but even still you would not choose me” #idk i just came up with that just now if i'm quoting something it was purely coincidental #like give me something that HURTS #is this making sense like asldkfasldfk

[balanceoflightanddark]

Expendable

This guy right here is responsible for one of the pivotal plot points in ATLA. Zuko protests his plan to pointlessly sacrifice a regiment of new guys to get the enemy in a better position which earns him an Agni Kai with his father. His first red flag about how brutal the Fire Nation is in their pursuit of victory.

Thing is...Bujing here is NOT an isolated incident.

Sad fact is that the Fire Nation is full of generals and leaders who are willing to throw their own people under the bus just for a chance at personal glory. Bujing here is one of the most notable examples since he's tied in with Zuko's arc. But he's not the only one.

Admiral Zhao is another example of this. He practically had the Siege of the North won and closed up a front for the Fire Nation as a whole. Chances are he would've been heralded as a hero by everyone.

But that wasn't enough. He decided to kill the Moon Spirit, and directly threaten every man under his command for even more glory. Even if Aang didn't fuse with the Ocean Spirit to wipe out the fleet, everyone in the Fire Nation would've been screwed. All because Zhao wanted even more glory.

And then we get to Iroh...

Yes, even Iroh is guilty of this. He was in charge of the 600 Day Siege of Ba Sing Se, an apt name for a veritable meat grinder that caused numerous casualties on both sides of the battle. Mind you his main driving force was that he saw a vision of him conquering Ba Sing Se, and believed it was his destiny. AKA, a word often used by the Fire Nation to justify their goals of conquest.

He only relented because his son died. Not because of the nightmarish losses. But because of a personal loss. Regardless of how Iroh felt about it afterwards (and whether or not he actually made up for it), he was still indicative of that thinking. That the lower ranking soldiers were expendable in the pursuit of glory.

And that also extends to his dear old brother.

Ozai. Putting his treatment of Azula aside (trust me, we'll get to that in a minute), his ultimate goal was to literally burn down the entire Earth Kingdom to ashes. You know. That huge chunk of land the Fire Nation just spent a literal century trying to conquer? And that also has stationed Fire Nation troops and civilians on the ground that would also get caught up in the inferno?

All just to stroke his own ego and declare himself the Phoenix King. Not Fire Lord. The Phoenix King. A title he made up to basically outshine everyone else around him.

When you get right down to it, the Fire Nation is full of these guys. Ruthless warlords willing to throw their subordinates' lives into the meat grinder just for a chance at glory. It practically goes hand in hand with their obsession with personal honor (or at least their version of honor at the time of the war). Sure, they talk about honor and destiny and whatnot, but they're willing to sacrifice lives just to prop themselves up.

So if the populace of the Fire Nation are expendable in the eyes of their leaders...how does it look from the other way around?

Azula gives us a bit of a clue.

I often argue that Azula is at her most..."heroic" (from the Fire Nation's point of view) during the Day of the Black Sun. Mainly, she's putting herself in a vulnerable position to act as bait and to hold off the Gaang long enough for the eclipse to finish and for firebending to be restored. AKA: safeguarding her nation from an enemy invasion.

But let's think about that for a minute. As stated before, I do believe Azula has a sort of black-and-white outlook on the world. That the enemy would not pull any punches and are almost always out for blood. She has no reason to believe that the Gaang wouldn't kill her on the spot.

And she's doing this also to safeguard her father, the Fire Lord. The same person who effectively conditioned her to be a living weapon and obey only him saw fit to use her as a decoy and a sacrifice to save his own skin.

Azula? ...she had no problem with it. No questioning of how effed up that was, nor did she expect any gratitude for her efforts. On the contrary, she got left behind in a worthless position while Ozai hogged all the glory for burning down the Earth Kingdom. And when she tried to call him out on it...

Yes, it's from the novel. But it's a pretty good indicator of what was going through Azula's mind when Ozai snapped at her. And I could imagine the same couuld be said for most of the Fire Nation since loyalty to the Fire Lord was paramount above all others.

So if the Fire Lord tells you to jump off the bridge for his own glory, you better well damn do so.

It's practically within their own propaganda. In the play by the Ember Island Players, Actress!Azula gets consumed by flame while Actor!Ozai poses in victory. No acknowledgment of her contributions. Everyone just cheers on Ozai, Azula apparently having been forgotten.

To me at least, this is evidence of the Fire Nation populace being indoctrinated to the point that the main belief, that the highest aspiration is to die on the field of battle in service to the Fire Lord. Something that is a natural extension when you have a warlike culture. In essence, being expendable might be a common core belief in the Fire Nation during the war.

And considering the consequences of disobeying an authority figure and refusing to fight or throw away your life...

You all saw what happened to Zuko when he didn't fight Ozai.

#fire nation #fire nation meta #atla meta #azula #princess azula #admiral zhao #bujing #ozai #fire lord ozai #ozai's a+ parenting #iroh critical

[deputygonebye]

@xgoldxnhour asked: “If I lost my memory what’s the first thing you’d tell me about us?”

There was more to the Prison than cold walls and creaking cell bars. A silence that passed over all like a pitiful cloud, absorbed into their souls and intertwined with whatever was left. The group hadn't been the same since the Greene Family Farm was abandoned to flames. Burned down to its foundations with the smell of smoke and ash fluttering about in the skies - for there was more to the destruction - Walkers swaying with each step, corroded mouths hung open. Such monsters had ruined that once beautiful place. What was thought to be home, what was home, a home that Shane never felt welcomed to in the first place. The group never should've gone there, so he believed, even still. From the moment that Roan had recovered, Eloise and Shane's dearest son, the group entire should've headed out to Fort Benning. But they hadn't. On that damn farm did they linger. Like maggots on a rotting carcass.

That forsaken field that Hershel called his own, it had been nothing but trouble for Shane and his family since they first arrived. It was to be blamed for all of the bad that happened to them. Roan being shot, the search for Sophia going on an endless and hopeless loop, losing Dale, debating Randall's sentence - it was because of that farm and those within it that the problems rose. It was the very reason that the group felt as broken as it did. But still was the truth ever darker than just the simple faults of some lonely farmland. Shane had a role to play, too. A mouth that wouldn't shut and hands that had grown all too ready to deal the heavy blows - the ghost of a gun still felt heavy within his hands - the switch that made all of his worst nightmares possible. Shane had broken the group. Killed and did so again, tried to do such a thing once more in an open space of green and trees, to the man that he called brother, like it was the easiest choice to make. Madness and fear clouding his mind and better judgements; all he ever wanted to do was keep those he loved safe.

A wish that he would've paid for with his life, had wanted once the guilt overcame the insanity, for the pain to be gone from him forever, Rick went against such a fate. Offered compassion rather than retribution, he allowed Shane to live. To be returned to his family and the group - a second chance - to find himself. There was goodness still. And none of the others had the heart to question Rick about his decision. For the true leader had proven himself; in ways that Shane knew he never could. But was he ever grateful for the chance, for the hope that his partner held still for him. Shane would find peace.

"Why do you ask, darlin'?"

Shane's voice echoed off of the walls of his and Eloise's cell. A small space that housed them as perfectly as could be, had enough space for Roan to be comfortable, too. It wasn't home, but it was better than what the outside world had to give them. A roof over their heads - all that Shane loved most were within those prison stones - shelter from true evils of the world.

"You ain't losin' your memories, are you? If that's the case, I wouldn't mind remindin' you of a few things right here, right now. Bubba, he's with his uncle outside, playin' cards. We'd have a few minutes." Shane said with a boyish smile, the first in many days.

Visitors for himself were rare. Nobody came to his and Eloise's cell whenever he was inside of it, except when most needed to. Carl and his father that most constant of companions, distance was kept between the former deputy and all others during most hours. Only ever did Eloise and Roan speak to Shane often. Never in disgust - for there was only ever love in their eyes for he - never in hatred. It was through them that he felt any affection at all. Like he could be the man he once was again, that it wasn't too far away a person to return to, that he could be redeemed. He wasn't alone with them around. Even when he wanted to be most, tucked away in the cell of his and Eloise's choosing, laid across the bed like a lazy lump. He'd never be alone.

Shane finally replied, sitting up properly from the bed, brows drawn in thought. Eloise had not asked him in jest. "Well, before everythin' else, I'd probably tell you about our family. Roan... and Bailey. Our boys that we have together. Our boy that we... lost. How they're the most important things in our lives, try to remind you about how much you love them and how they love you back. I know you, El. If there's one thing in this world that could jog your memory, it'd be the mention of your sons. You love them too much to ever really forget them. You wouldn't allow yourself to."

"Then I'd tell you about your dad and your brother. Your mom. Everybody whose ever been special to you." Shane added while he took to a stand, pulled Eloise close and claimed her lips in a deep kiss. "Then I'd tell you about me. About how much I love you, how good we are together, about how so damn crazy I am for you. Even with a memory all scrambled, you'd know it to be true. Because, Mrs. Eloise Walsh, I am crazy about you. Always will be. AIn't nothin' more to it."

#xgoldxnhour #Judge and Executioner || Post Apocalypse Era #Verse || Alternative Universe #Location || Prison #// There's tears in my eyes over these two beautiful souls <3

[a-fragile-little-teacup]

Taylor Swift Lyrics That Hit Me Like a Ton of Bricks [Pt. 1]

I'm calling this part one because I am certain there are more. Also, these are in no particular order.

"You knew it still hurts underneath my scars / From when they pulled me apart / But what you did was just as dark" - hoax

Dude... that shit hurt when the song came out and it only hurts more now.

2. "long story short, I survived" - long story short

This is my favorite song on "evermore" and it hits hard every time I hear it. I just have to sit there with it for a moment and let it settle, y'know?

3. "All the girls that you've run dry / Have tired lifeless eyes / 'Cause you've burned them out" - Dear John

I love Taylor's use of fire throughout this song. It is the perfect way to describe what could be seen as the senseless and uncontrollable actions of another person. I just adore it.

4. "From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes / I gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this / I hosted parties and starved my body / Like I'd be saved by a perfect kiss" - You're On Your Own, Kid

I could go into every struggle I have ever faced in order to show you why this hits so hard, but I don't think I need to. It is such a perfect description of struggling and craving control and wanting to find those things that you believe are supposed to make you happy. Gosh.

5. "Ten months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it / Ten months older, I won't give in / Now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it" - Clean

If I were to ask Taylor Swift one question, it would be "what did I do to deserve being hit that hard?"

6. "It's no surprise, I turned you in / 'Cause us traitors never win" - Getaway Car

I can't even explain this one. I just get chills every time I hear it.

7. "I can't make it go away by making you a villain / I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven" - happiness

I could really just put the whole song here. It would all work for explaining why I love it so much. It's just so beautifully written and I love it.

8. "I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know / I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on" - A Place in This World

I don't think we talk about debut enough. There. I said it. Those songs are so raw and beautiful. It's great.

9. "If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? / Years of tearing down our banners, you and I / Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts / Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first" - Would've, Could've, Should've

hoLY SHIT! This. This right here is a major part of why I love this song and this album and most of Taylor's work. Just fucking gorgeous.

10. "And I can still see it all (In my mind) / All of you, all of me (Intertwined) / I once believed love would be (Black and white) / But it's golden (Golden)" - Daylight

This song kind of changed how I wrote about love. It explained the entire concept in such an interesting way that I sat with it all and held onto it. It's just so well done. Fucking adore it.

11. "I hold onto this pride because these days it's all I have / And I gave to you my best and we both know you can't say that" - Better Man

I can't explain it. This one hits hard and I love it. It's probably because of the personal meaning it holds for me, but that doesn't change how brilliantly it is done.

12. "With your face and the beautiful eyes / And the conversation with the little white lies / And the faded picture of a beautiful night / You carried me from your car up the stairs" - The Other Side of the Door

This song causes me to jump around and sing like I am still a young version of me in my bedroom at home. It's so well done. It's so good and so easy to enjoy it.

13. "The room is on fire / Invisible smoke / And all of my heroes / Die all alone / Help me hold on to you"

The moment Taylor references fire in any capacity, that song apparently joins my favorites. It is so well done. It just perfectly describes those feelings of anxiety when it comes to loving someone and trusting someone. I am in love with it.

#i could very easily do a second part to this #taylor swift #taylor swift lyrics #lyrics #speak now #red #fearless #1989 #reputation #lover #folklore #evermore #midnights #taylor's version

[plan-d-to-i]

i never understood why ppl excuse jc’s inaction with the wens and everything that came after on “miscommunication”. Like what is there to miscommunicate? It doesn’t take a genius much less a sect leader to look at the situation and think “oh this isn’t gonna go well”. jc knew more than anyone the situation golden core reveal or not. He knew wn and wq saved him and wwx and knew the wen remnants were a bunch of old ppl and a child. Where is the miscommunication🤨? wwx did not have to go around announcing that ppl were against him like it’s so clear to even non cultivators. jc stans love to do mental gymnastics to avoid admitting the fact that jc is just a selfish and spineless asshole. sorry this is kinda long but i just wanted to rant 😅

haha rant away xx

On one hand jc is a political mastermind clan leader with an uncanny ability to read the room 🌝, on the other hand he can't figure out that isolating WWX, leaving him no recourse to protect the Wens other than defecting and taking the entire burden on his shoulders, staging a violent duel with him to cut all ties and calling him the enemy of the entire cultivation world would be detrimental to his safety k. The only people inane enough to believe these kinds of arguments are ... other jc stans...

"Why do you care what kind of end they meet? A dead end it is, then—what does it have to do with you?!”

Wei WuXian finally lost his temper, “Jiang Cheng! What- What do you think you’re talking about?! Take it back—don’t make me give you a thrashing! Don’t forget. Who was the one that helped us burn Uncle Jiang’s and Madam Yu’s corpses? Who returned to us the ashes that are in Lotus Pier right now? And who took us in when we were chased after by Wen Chao?!”

Jiang Cheng, “I’m the one who fucking wants to give you a thrashing! Yes, they helped us before, but why in the world don’t you understand that right now any remnant of the Wen Sect is a target of criticism!

there you have it. jc in a nutshell: They helped us, but there's nothing in it for me if I help them right now.

His "if you protect them I won't protect you" isn't a statement on ,ability it's a threat. It's not that jc can't protect him, ppl don't seem to get it. YunmengJiang Clan is fine at this point. LOTUS PIER NEVER HAD TO BE REBUILT BECAUSE IT WAS NOT BURNED DOWN. The Cloud Recesses were burned down. jc just doesn't intend to admit to the cultivation world he's only alive and kicking thanks to some Wens and he's pissed off WWX is not obeying him and making him look bad by doing the difficult, morally correct thing. He's already been stewing that WWX got credit for his immense show of force during the war. This happens all the time where instead of a talented servant, soldier, general etc being rewarded for their talent the dude in power sees them as a threat to his position/rep and nerfs them (or yk ...kills them).

Honestly ppl will really b like : "Wen Ning best boy 🥺 and then defend this:

Jiang Cheng exploded, “Just what are you being so stubborn about? If you can’t do it then move over—I’ll do it!”

Wei WuXian gripped him even tighter, his fingers as tight as iron, “Jiang WanYin!”

WWX made it perfectly clear why he was defecting. To fully protect the reputation of YunmengJiang. jc understood. There's absolutely no miscommunication:

Wei WuXian, “Just let go. Tell the world that I defected. From now on, no matter what Wei WuXian does, it’d have nothing to do with the YunmengJiang Sect.”

Jiang Cheng, “… All for the Wen Sect…? Wei WuXian, do you have a savior complex? Is it that you’ll die if you don’t stand up for someone and stir up some trouble?”

Wei WuXian stayed quiet. A while later, he answered, “So that’s why we should cut ties right now, in case anything I do affects the YunmengJiang Sect in the future.”

As for "oh wwx should've just told him about the core transfer and thrown that in his face that would've totally changed jc's attitude 🥺". First of all we see jc's attitude when the core is revealed. Was it helpful ?! LMAO. Jc is incapable of understanding true altruism and principles. In his mind everything honorable & heroic WWX does from helping in the Xuanwu cave to helping the Wens, to giving him his core it's bc he's showing off what a hero he is.

“Wei WuXian, you’re such a great, selfless person. You did the best things possible, and you swallowed all the suffering and didn’t let anyone know. What a touching story. I should kneel down and cry in gratitude, shouldn’t I?”

Secondly jc already knew he only back his core thanks to WWX. It's not like he found Baoshan Sanren by himself and told her he was YZY's son 🌝 Just like he knew he only survived and got back his parents's bodies thanks to WN & WQ. He just doesn't care. Ppl are out there trying to reinvent logic to excuse jc's behavior instead of just accepting the simple, obvious fact that he's just "a selfish and spineless asshole", as you so aptly put it 💯.

#mdzs #answers #jiang cheng #Wei Wuxian

[azulazenin]

Fire Lilies

Summary: A flower it's just a flower anywhere in the world, but in the Fire Nation, the smallest gestures can hide bigger meanings. Even for the princess.

Paring: Azula x Ty Lee

A/N: This was originally written in portuguese for the tyzulaweek challenge, and posted on my wattpad account. I tried my best to translate it, so take it easy on me, english it's not my first language 😅

The first memories Azula had around fire lilies came from her early childhood, a time where everything was simpler, when her only concerns involved play with her friends and bully her brother. In that time, Azula was already a terror, a little adorable beast who liked to use the poor plants to train her fire aim, only for the pleasure of watching the immensity of black petals reduced to a pile of ashes. "They deserve it, they're not as pretty as the others." She always thought to herself, but that little act of rebellion didn't last long, Zuko exposed her bad behavior, and Ursa forbade her of keep on destroying the royal garden.

Not that Ursa was capable of stopping her daughter of doing what she likes, but anyway, the flowers did not suffer again in the hands of the princess, and the responsible for that was Ty Lee, by bringing a whole new meaning for the fire lilies in Azula's life.

— You wanna do what in my hair? – Azula was reluctant on letting someone touch her hair, especially the topknot.

— A wreath of flowers! – Ty Lee proclaimed in an adorable enthusiastic sound. — Please Zula, I already asked Mai and she didn't let me. I'm gonna do your hair just like mine, you're going to be so pretty! Well i'm not saying that you aren't already pretty, but…

— Ok! – the princess gave in, fearing that Ty Lee kept on talking all day long. — Just do the goddamn wreath.

Azula sat at the edge of the corridor stairway that connected all the courtyards in the palace, Ty Lee one step above her. With half hundred fire lilies, the little acrobat worked her way through the princess' dark hair, arranging the flowers into a arc to keep bangs away from the eyes and a cascade down a long braid. When finished, Ty Lee was so proud of her job she almost cry out of happiness.

— See? I told you it was going to be gorgeous! – she spoke between leaps, crushing Azula into a hug and giving little kisses across her face.

Azula felt her cheeks burning red and butterflies in the pit of her stomach. Her body used to react like this when she was angry, but she never had those two symptoms at the same time before, and never accompanied by that itch on the left side of her chest. Definitely, it wasn't anger what she was feeling.

— Y-yeah sure, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. – Azula babbled when she saw her reflection through the water of the fountain and stepped away from her friend, desperately trying to get rid of those scary unknown emotions.

But she didn't managed to do it, not that day, nor the days ahead of her. Azula was yet to young to understand that weird feeling close to her heart, to small to know why she always revive it whenever she was close to Ty Lee or fire lilies. But eventually she learned to disguise, to ignore the cold in her belly and sent away the redness of her face, though it was really difficult to pretend her heart wasn't beating like crazy when her friend was close with flowers on hands or asked to touch her hair.

Years later, when Azula was in her early teenage years, her father entrusted her with the biggest mission of her life, and the princess knew very well she could only count on two people to help her. All she had to do was ask, the authority of her title would do the rest, as it was the case with Mai in Omashu, but she didn't want the things to be like that with Ty Lee too. After spending such a long time away from her friend, Azula needed to know if the fire lilies had on Ty Lee the same effect they had on her.

— What an exquisite performance. – Azula said when she entered dressing room after the show, placing the bouquet of black flowers on the table. — I can't wait to see how you'll top yourself tomorrow.

Azula faced the acrobat through the mirror, trying to study her reaction, but apparently, the princess' ability of reading other people's emotions was useless on Ty Lee, 'cause she ended up losing herself in other details. There was no deny that her friend was beautiful, the brown hair and that pair of gray eyes might not be such a big deal in other countries, but in the Fire Nation, it turned her beauty in something rather rare. A woman like that, in the non humble Azula's opinion, should be on a palace surrounded by servents tending to her needs, not in a filth circus at the ends of the world.

— I'm sorry Azula, but unfortunately it won't be a show tomorrow. – Ty Lee responded, awakening the princess out of her trance.

— Really? – the surprise was genuine, but Azula tried hard to pretend otherwise. Not even the conquering of Ba Sing Se could make her so happy as the realization that Ty Lee somehow corresponded those weird feelings.

— Yes, I wanna join you in your mission.

The next time Azula was close to Ty Lee and fire lilies at the same time, the circumstances weren't the best ones. The war was over and lost, her throne usurped by her brother, her facilities were a room that could easily be taking by a cell. Her only company was Zuko – when his duties as Fire Lord allowd him to remember he had a sister – the psychiatric hospital team, and of course, her little acrobat.

Sometimes, Azula was still tempted to hit Ty Lee with lightning as a punishment for her betrayal, but when she stop to think clearly, she comes to realize that she can't have the luxury of cutting from her life the few people that remain.

— Happy birthday, Zula. – Ty Lee wished during one of her weekly visits, handing to the princess a single fire lily through the bars. — I would've bring an entire bouquet, but the doctors didn't allow.

Azula held the freshly harvested flower, breathing the smell that brought back the memories from a childhood that seems to have been lived ages ago. She felt like crying, wishing to be a kid again. If she could go back time, she would've been nicer to Ty Lee, and wouldn't pretend she didn't like when her friend adorned her hair with a wreath of flowers.

— Thank you, Ty. – she said, holding against her chest the flower she would keep until the petals turnes to dust. — Come closer, I wanna tell you a secret.

There was no secret, not anymore at least. There were no expectations to be met nor goals to achieve, only a birth title that no longer stands for anything. There was nothing to hide, and as ironic as it could sound, it was behind those bars that Azula was finally free to do what she spend years wanting to do.

When Ty Lee approached her painted face with the Kyoshi Warriors colors, Azula did not pity to ruin the perfect makeup by sealing their lips with a kiss. Ty Lee frozed for a second, but she soon find out there was no escaping from what she too desired and kissed the princess back until she lost her breath.

— When I leave this place… – Azula said with a determined expression. — I will kiss you every single day of my life.

#tyzula #atla tylee #ty lee x azula #atla azula #princess azula #fire nation

[paradox-psyc-hoe-sis]

The Strongest Avenger

Carol x fem!reader, avengers x reader (platonic)

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: so many oh boy. Attempted angst, fluff, insecurity, broken bones, injections + needles, so much gore, organ removal, vomit. If you're sensitive to any gore then please don't read it, I'm sorry oof

A/n: I've never written anything like this before, so feedback is always welcome. Tamika, if you're reading this, I am going to marry Carol Danvers one day. Try and stop me, I dare you. - Aphrodite

"Your turn, Nat!"

You, Carol, Natasha, Wanda and Peter all sat on the floor of your bedroom. Carol had a week free, so she decided to spend that week back on earth with her best friends; she was completing a 6 month long mission and it had been exactly 123 days since you saw her last. Yes, you were counting. Whenever she returns from a mission, you host a girls night (eith the exception of Peter, of course. He looked up to you all so much, you couldn't just not invite him), and tonight you had decided to play a game of 21 dares. It's practically the exact same as 21 questions, but with dares instead. After all, you were avengers, and none of you were scared of a bit of danger.

"Alright, alright." Nat looked deep in thought before her eyes lit up, thinking of the best dare. "Carol. I dare you to make out with the prettiest person in the room." Peter gasped, making everyone laugh, and you met Carol's eyes. She raised and eyebrow, to which you gave a small nod; next thing you knew, she had scooted over to sit next to you, and casually put her lips on yours. You didn't think too much of it; you and Carol were closer than any of the other avengers were, and she probably felt more comfortable kissing you than anyone else. The fact that she had chosen you as the prettiest never even crossed your mind.

You'd had a crush on Carol since the first time you saw her. It was about two years ago; she was moving into the avengers tower, and you had to give her the tour. Her sandy blonde hair fell casually onto her shoulders, and she wore black jeans with a white jumper. You had offered to carry her bags, but that was a mistake - being roughly half a foot shorter and only having 3% of the strength that she has was the fatal flaw. Over those two years, you and Carol grew to be best friends, and your feelings for her slowly faded. What was once a raging fire of passion had fizzled down into a small candle flame, but it shone bright with hope nonetheless. She hadn't changed since you first met her, yet she now sported short hair, rather than her longer curls.

Oh, and now you were kissing her.

Her lips were soft, contradictory to yours which were chapped and rough. You were so focused on her that you didn't hear Wanda trying to get your attention. Carol snaked a hand up to your neck and opened her mouth slightly more, yet you could still feel her smiling into your mouth. Before you could put a hand on her waist, you felt someone flicking your face. Laughing as you pulled away from her, Carol sat back where she originally was, and gave you a wink. Wanda was now knelt next to you, and it became apparent that she was the one who had flicked you.

"Any longer and we would've had to cover Peter's eyes!" Her accent came out thick between a giggle, and you felt a familiar burning in your cheeks.

☆☆☆☆☆

You rolled over in your bed to look at the time; 1:38 am. The game of 21 dares didn't last much longer after your kiss, and you all crashed on your bed. It was the climax of summer, so you wore only underwear and a tank top while you slept. Being sure not to wake anybody up, you climbed off of the bed, internally thanking your past self for choosing to lay on the side closest to the door. Grabbing a pair of pyjama shorts to slip on, you studied everyone's expressions to make sure they were all still asleep, and your eyes lingered on Carol's face for a bit too long. Peter wasn't there, he must've woken up earlier and gone back to his bedroom, you thought. Sighing, you walked out of the door. Even out in the hallway it was blisteringly warm, so you headed to the kitchen to get a bottle of water.

The song Dancing Queen by ABBA has been stuck in your head for weeks, so you quietly sang it to yourself on your way to the living area. Once you got to the kitchen you closed your eyes, still singing, and began dancing in the space that you had. Minutes must have passed before you opened your eyes and saw Steve sat at the dining table. He didn't say anything, but instead took a long sip of the coffee he had. Without even flinching at his sudden appearance, you got your bottle of water, and walked out. As you passed him on the way, you leaned in and whispered in his ear.

"This never happened."

Instead of going back to your room, you headed straight towards the elevator, and made your way to the roof. Stepping out into the warm breeze, you walked closer to the balcony. You noted the clarity of the stars above you yet you saw the sun poking out from above the city skyline, and took a deep breath of the early morning air. Disturbing you from tranquility, the sound of the door behind you opening awoke you from your daze.

"Well, if it isn't my favourite earth human."

You turned and saw Carol stood in the doorway, holding two mugs of cocoa.

"Good morning, space alien. What're you doing up?" She walked over to you and handed you one of the mugs. No whipped cream and extra marshmallows, just how you like it. She knew you so well.

"Couldn't sleep, you?"

Before you answered, you took in her appearance. Her short hair was messy as a result of her slumber, and she rocked a matching set of baby pink pyjamas.

"I guess I could say the same. I've had too much on my mind lately." You took a large gulp of your drink, ignoring the fact that its heat felt like molten lava was being poured down your throat. She hummed in response, looking out to the horizon. She turned to you with a frown, sighed, and then asked you a question. "What do you want to do in the future?" The question took you aback, but you knew what you wanted out of life, and you were comfortable telling her. As you thought of your future, you saw a wedding, maybe children, and a steady career.

"Well, once more heroes rise from the future ashes of the avengers, I want to settle down. Helping the earth, and the universe, is everything to me, so I want to work for as long as I can. It would be brilliant to meet somebody soon..." you took a breath, "and possibly fall in love. I don't know about kids, but having somebody to share my life with means the world to me. What about you?"

She was looking at you with such admiration, and you met her gaze. She smiled and turned back to the view, thinking hard. "I think I want to stay on earth." She put it more bluntly than you've ever heard her speak, and you were surprised with the answer.

"Seriously? You literally have super powers, have travelled to so many galaxies, fought the universes biggest threats, and are practically immortal. And at the end of the day, you really want to stay on this junk yard of a planet?"

She faked an offended look and punched you on the arm. "I have more friends of this junk yard of a planet than I do in the entire galaxy. And it's not every day that you get to spend the rest of your life with a group of misfits like us who only care about protecting people. After things have settled down in this realm, I want to stay here to protect my family." You smiled as she turned her head towards you. "And besides, this junk yard of a planet has a very amazing person on it who I'd never be able to get rid of, no matter where I decide to settle down."

You both laughed, and you finished your cocoa. "I'm going back to bed, I promised Natasha that I'd train with her tomorrow and God knows that I need the energy." You smiled and turned to walk away before she grabbed your wrist. Neither of you said anything, but words weren't needed. She pulled you into a hug in which you happily returned, and she gave you a small kiss on the forehead. You stayed like this for a while before you found your eyelids growing heavy. She let you leave for real, this time, and you fell asleep thinking about her.

☆☆☆☆☆

Two days later, you were sat in the conference room with all of the other avengers. Carol sat across the table from you, and you'd love to just stare at her for the entire meeting, but this was important. Somebody in New York had been committing a series of crimes. At first, it was small stuff like shoplifting or stealing somebody's bag on the street. But the longer they were left unnoticed, the bigger their crimes got. Yesterday, you had recieved information that five people were murdered in an attack in the Wall Street building. The criminal went by the name of Neeko, and he always left a note at the scene of the crime. All but one were addressed to the avengers - the note left at Wall Street was addressed to you, and you only. It soon became clear why; you knew all five people killed. One was a former colleague, another was a childhood friend, two of them went to college with you, and the last was your ex-boyfriend. Of course, you were distraught over all of these people being killed, but your determination to catch the killer overpowered your sadness. Steve was

leading the meeting, creating a plan as you went, and you perked up when you heard your name.

"In his last note, Neeko said that if y/n doesn't meet him in the warehouse on 42nd street tonight at 8pm, he'll be attacking one of the schools within the week." Steve looked directly at you. "There's no way that we can find out what school he could be targeting, so we're going to have to use you as bate?"

You nodded, feeling secure. Your family would never let anything bad happen to you, especially not in the hands of a serial killer.

"Now, I don't want to seem condescending, but are you sure you can do this, y/n?" The question came from Sam, who was sat at the opposite end of the table. You glared at him, confused as to what he was talking about.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You asked calmly, but with a hint of annoyance. They did this to you a lot; you were one of the younger in the group, and you were probably one of the weakest. They'd usually never put you in the centre of a mission, but it was a necessity this time around.

"I'm sure what Sam meant was that five people who are close to your heart have just been murdered." Steve sat in the empty chair next to you. "Are you sure you're stable enough to be put directly into the hands of the person who killed them?"

The wat he phrased it made you furious; they always doubt your abilities, and in this time where protecting your loved ones is more important than ever, they were hesitant to trust you. As soon as he asked you this, you stood up from your chair and stared directly at him.

"Stable? You're asking me if I'm 'stable' enough to be trusted?" You looked around at everybody else. Natasha ducked her head down, Bucky casually shielded his eyes with his hand, Tony gave you a sympathetic look; they all agreed with Steve.

You looked at Carol who gave you a small nod of approval, as if to say 'I wouldn't blame you if you burned down the entire avengers tower just from that remark.' Grabbing your jacket from the back of your chair, you walked out of the conference room. You heard Rhodey calling your name, but you weren't going to go back in there and be treated like a child. You and Carol had arranged to get brunch at 10:30, which was in an hour; you didn't know where you were going, but you were leaving the avengers tower. You needed a break.

Sitting down in a small red booth, you closed your eyes and rubbed your forehead. You went for a walk around the city before going to the diner, and once you were there, you were still far to annoyed to even think about eating. 60s music quietly rumbled from speakers on the walls and the smell of waffles and burgers clouded your thoughts.

"Y/n, are you okay?" You looked up and saw Carol who had just come from the tower. She sat down in the booth and placed her hand on top of yours, stroking the back of yours with her thumb. You sighed before giving her a weak smile.

"They don't think I can do it." You saw her nod, knowing exactly what you were thinking.

"It's not that they don't think you can do it, y/n. They know your abilities and how good you are under pressure, but a few of your friends have just died. They're worried that you might get a bit carried away, or worse."

Before you could reply, Carol got the attention of one of the waitresses and ordered a strawberry and cream waffle for you, and a root beer float for herself. You've both been to this diner so many times together that you each know exactly what you like. As soon as Carol turned back around, you started talking.

"That's the point. They're worried that I can't do my job, when we do this all the time. Every single one of us has been in a situation similar to this; where we've lost someone close to us and have to ignore how we feel, and continue to protect the world. Nobody would dare question Steve or Tony's judgement if they were in my position, so I don't see why they feel the need to question mine."

Carol looked surprised at everything you had just said, and it was clear that she didn't know how to reply. Before she could think of anything to say, you scooted closer to her and wrapped her in a hug. You breathed in the sweet smell of her vanilla perfume and the fresh cotton scent of her tee shirt. She rubbed your back, and you pulled away.

"I have to do this. Not just for myself, or the school kids, or my friends that were killed, but for them. I'm going to smash this mission so hard that they'll never dare question my abilities again." You were both smiling, and Carol gave you a high five.

"That's my girl!"

☆☆☆☆☆

It was nearing 8pm. You, Steve, Bucky, Tony, Natasha and Carol stood outside of the warehouse on 42nd; bringing all of the avengers would seem suspicious, so Steve chose just the right amount of people to protect you and catch Neeko. They were all suited up, except for you. You weren't dressed in your dark purple latex suit, but the skirt and jumper combo that you had worn earlier in the diner. It was your idea; showing up in your suit would alert Neeko and his companions, and make them think that you were planning an attack. Wearing normal clothes would make it seem like you weren't planning anything. When you told Steve, he was impressed that you had come up with the idea, and happily approved. However, you were slightly regretting it now. Being without the suit that Tony had made for you and knowing that you could, possibly, be walking into your place of death gave you a wave of fear, but you brushed it off. You had to prove to the rest of the group that you were more than what they think, or at least you'll die trying.

All of the avengers wore black watches, but when closely inspected, were actually tracking devices. They each had a tiny button on the side that when pressed, would alert every other device of where you were. The button was only to be pressed when you knew you'd be in a certain place for a while, and/or you were in a lot of danger. The button was really only meant to be pressed by you, so the rest of the group knew when to come and get you and where you were. But if another avenger was in trouble and needed backup, they could use it too.

Steve started going over the plan. "As soon as y/n gives us the alert, we head inside. Carol and I will go in from the front and find her, Bucky and Nat will go in from the back to see if there are any hostages or prisoners there, and Tony will fly above the roof and use his scanners to find out how many people inside are working for Neeko."

He gave you a clap on the back. "Are you ready, y/n?" You looked up at him, took a deep breath, and nodded. You were more ready than you'd ever be. You checked the phone in the back of your pocket, which read 7:58pm, it was almost time. Everyone watched as you grabbed Carol's hand, interlaced your fingers, gave it a weak squeeze, and walked straight through the main doors of the warehouse.

Everything smelt damp, and the faint scent of machine oil lingered in the huge hall. You looked around, not seeing a single sign of life in the entire room. You calmly strolled through the warehouse, being sure to stay in the main hall and not get lost in any other rooms.

"Hello? Hellooooo!? Anybody home?" You called into the darkness, hoping somebody would walk out any second. You were about to turn around and make your way back out through the doors before somebody threw a sack over your head. You shouted at whoever was behind you, kicking your legs out in an attempt to knock them over. This failed, and you only aggravated your captor more. They grabbed your shoulders to hold you still, and another pair of hands appeared to tie your wrists together in front of you. The same person who tied your hands also did the same to your ankles, and you felt the familiar pain of rope burn against your wrists and ankles. You continued to shout and scream for help, but the two people who had tied you up had picked you up and carried you away.

When the sack was removed from your head, you were tied to a chair with thick black rope. You looked down at your wrists, and blood dripped down your forearms. Just by looking at your surroundings, you knew you were probably inappropriate storage room; you tried, but failed to reach the button of your tracking device, letting out an angry sigh. The only thing lighting up the room was an old lightbulb above your head, but you could still see what was on the floor surrounding you: bodies. People who you didn't recognize, their organs pooling out of their lacerated stomachs. Their eyes had been gouged out of their faces, and a thick, brown liquid dripped from their mouths. You screamed, not out of fear, but of anger. You shouted until your voice became hoarse and your eyes watered.

Not long afterwards, you heard the locks on the doors being undone. You sat up, preparing for some sort of mob boss to walk in with a set of weapons. Instead, a tall man wearing an apron walked in. He wore a shirt and jeans, a pair of black glasses resting on the bridge of his nose; you would've thought he was a normal person if it wasn't for the heavily blood stained apron he wore. What disgusted you the most was that he looked no older than Tony did. Following him was one of his companions, short and stocky, carrying a sizeable wooden box. Along with them, they brought the scent of blood and rotting bodies.

"It's nice to meet you, y/n." His voice was low and fitting to what you would expect a serial killers voice to be like; thick, eerie, and leaving a sour taste in your mouth. He walked over to you and bent down, examining your face.

"You're a monster."

He chuckled at your stern expression, and didn't reply. You squirmed and wriggled in your seat, desperate to break free and kick him in the balls. Instead of breaking free from the chair, you just caused yourself more pain. Blood continued to slowly drip past your wrists and onto your hands, coating your dainty fingers in pure red. Noticing how desperate you were to get out made him visibly frustrated, so he stood up and gave you a hard punch in the face. This was the hardest you've ever felt somebody punch you, and you've trained with Steve before.

Your ears started ringing and vision went blurry. He had, quite obviously, broken your nose. Blood poured out of your nose like a waterfall, and you could feel a bone sticking out of place. You groaned, sitting up straight in your chair. Although you weren't really listening, he began talking again, pacing around the room.

"I know you and your little group of superheroes have been getting my letters, and I have to say, I'm quite offended," he stopped and looked at you, "you never wrote back. I'm sure your angry, y/n, I really am. After all, I killed some of the people who you trust with your life, and I'm about to do more than just that."

You were confused by what he meant, before his companion handed him a laptop. He placed it on the floor in front of you, and you saw what appeared to be security camera footage of another room in the warehouse. Two people were tied up on chairs just like you, and it took you a moment to recognize who those two people were.

Your parents.

And before you could open you mouth to ask him why your parents were here, another figure appeared on the screen. It was him.

"How are you in two places at once?" You asked, seeming stupid. He laughed again, a low, broad chuckle.

"Oh, you silly girl, I'm not in two places at once. That was recorded half an hour ago." You put two and two together and realised that your parents were here half an hour ago, and the blood on his apron was fresh. You couldn't think of anything to say, so instead, you watched the video. You gasped when Neeko pulled out a knife, and screamed bloody murder when you saw him slit both your mother and your father's throats. You looked away, but he grabbed your head and forced you to see what happened to your parents. With the knife, he cut out their organs and their eyes, being sure to look into the camera every now and again. You were sobbing, your eyes were puffy and red, matching the crimson blood that covered the bottom half of your face.

"That's enough! I can't watch any more!" You screamed up at him, choking on your own sobs. He showed no pity as he flicked his fingers at his companion, who went and collected the wooden box. Neeko opened it in front of you, showing you a syringe full of clear, slightly yellow tinted liquid. Before you could scream for help, he had already put the needle to your neck and injected you with the serum. Your eyelids began to feel too heavy to keep open, and you fell into a deep slumber.

You woke to the sound of knives being sharpened. You were still bound to the chair, but were in a different room. It was much larger, with a few mahogany desks along one of the walls. Instead of paperwork being laid on top of the desk, there was a selection of knives, scissors and other surgical tools. You knew what was about to come, and you were prepared for the worst.

"If you're going to try and kill me then you've picked the wrong fight." Everything hurt as you spoke, but you meant what you said. The avengers would be worried by your lack of alert, and would come and find you. Any minute now, Steve and Carol were bound to break down the door and rescue you.

"Oh, I'm not going to kill you, little girl." You hated him calling you that, you were in your mid early twenties but never treated like it, not even from the avengers.

"No, I'm not going to kill you. But what I am going to do is mess you up so badly that you'll never be able to fight with your precious friends ever again, and you'll live with the knowledge that you weren't strong enough to save your parents, and you weren't strong enough to save yourself." You spat at his face, which only made him laugh even more.

Turning his back to you, he picked up a knife from one of the desks. He walked over to you and sat down on an empty chair that you never even realised was beside you. Your legs were bare under your skirt, showing the most skin than any other part of your body. He placed the blade of the knife on the middle of your thigh and slowly pressed it in. You screamed, pure agony surging through you body. Hearing you scream only made Neeko want to continue, so the more you screamed the deeper her pushed the knife. Only the first half of the blade was inside of you, but you only realised how bad it was when you felt the cold metal hit your bone. He pulled the knife out and basked in the sound of your piercing screams. Just in fucking time, you heard a knock on the door. Who in the living hell would be knocking at the door while this was going on?

Neeko rose and went to answer the door. Only opening it slightly, he peered out at who was there. Then, you heard her voice.

"Pizza delivery, motherfuckers." She sent a photon blast directly to his face, and then another to his companion. She strode in, and as soon as she saw you she went pale. Your entire face, arms, thighs and ankles were drained in your own blood, and you were bound to a chair, panting. She ran over to you and broke the ropes with her own hands, and pressed the alert button on her watch. She knelt beside you, and once you were fully untied, you couldn't help but collapse directly on top of her. Your arms were draped over her back as she picked you up in a fire man's lift, walking out of the door to meet the other avengers.

☆☆☆☆☆

It had been 6 days since the night in the warehouse. After passing out, you were taken back to the tower by Carol, Bucky and Nat, where Bruce managed to identify and heal your injuries, to the best of his ability. Steve and Tony caught Neeko and his accomplices, turning them into S.H.I.E.L.D., their fate was to be decided by Nick Fury. It took you 3 days to wake up from your passing out; whatever they had injected you with keeps you asleep for longer, and they had put far too much in you. Once you had finally awoken, you used the next three days to recover in and out of bed, being forced to do mandatory small exercises to ensure your body was working perfectly. The sixth day was your first day fully out of bed, walking around the avengers tower. You needed crutches, as the wound on your leg wasn't big enough for stitches and had to recover independently. Additionally, you wore a small brace on your nose, so your bone could be shaped back into place. The only people you had seen since waking up were Bruce, Steve, and Peter. Steve had come to tell you everything that happened, and Peter came to see if you were okay. Bruce recommended no visitors until you were able to get out of bed, as it could over stimulate you, but Peter couldn't sleep knowing that you were in pain.

Carol left 3 days ago to return to her mission. She was the only person who you wanted to see; you had been through so much, and nobody could get you thought it better than her. Hobbling into the elevator, you went to the roof. You were wearing a onesie, courtesy of Wanda, and just wanted to be alone on the balcony to see the city like you and Carol had done a week ago. Once the elevator doors opened, you felt the chilly evening breeze hit your skin. Before you could step out of the elevator, you saw somebody stood on the balcony. You didn't recognize them at first, but they knew exactly who you were.

"Well well well, my favourite earth human seems to be doing quite well considering that she almost died last week."

Carol turned around and jokingly winced when she saw the state you were in, and you would've laughed if you weren't in complete shock.

"Carol..."

"Y/n."

"What are you doing? You shouldn't still be on earth." You made your way over to meet her on the balcony.

"I couldn't just leave you in a coma while I fight crime across the galaxy."

You laughed, and grabbed her hand, not a single worry crossing your mind.

"I love you, Carol. I have for ages, but I've never appreciated how much you mean to me until now." She smirked, raising a hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

"I love you too, y/n." You stood on your tip toes to kiss her, and she pulled back immediately when you did. You worried that you had done something wrong.

"It feels better to do this now that we're actually a couple." You both laughed as she leaned back into the kiss, but instead, she accidentally bonked your brace with her nose, which resulted in even more laughing.

You have been waiting so long for this.

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