#guess i'll have to do it the hard way

[mizjoely]

Fun fact! Apparently if you have a big enough selection of fics on AO3 you can crash its ability to change the viewing status from "private" to "what the hell, the AI bots have already stolen everything"

#writerly woes #guess i'll have to do it the hard way

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

One of my favorite things that happened during my last mage Hawke playthrough was during the final battle against Meredith. Everything's going well. We're kicking her ass, she's got just this much health left, we're so close... but then everyone gets stunned dizzy.

Hawke is stumbling around all confused, seeing stars. The rest of his companions are stunned. I'm annoyed because I just want to end this fight. Don't know how or who did it, probably Meredith, but the situation's dire.

Meredith's standing by herself at the center of the Gallows, shouting nonsense and smugly believing the Maker's going to come down and make her his new bride after she murdered a bunch of innocent people.

Truly, this is the part of the story where Varric says they all thought hope was lost, that in the end, Meredith would pull a fast one on us and claim victory...

Until the REAL hero of dragon age 2 comes storming at her. I don't know why Carver was the only one to not be affected, but he literally jumped out of no where and just started bashing Meredith with his sword while everyone else was too dizzy to do anything until she was dead and the cutscene played.

"Hawke defeated Meredith-" LIES, VARRIC. I know the truth! I was there! Hawke didn't do shit! Carver Hawke was the main character all along! He got shit done and Varric gave Hawke all the credit!

I bring this up because last night I finished my warrior Hawke run and when we got to the fight with Meredith, I kind of hoped the same thing would happen where Bethany dashed in all heroic and got the killing blow on Meredith.

She did not.

She got squished by a statue.

But it's fine, Bethany Hawke was the true main character in my heart.

#da2 #dragon age 2 #carver hawke #bethany hawke #da2 hawke #varric tethras #da2 meredith #listen i have so much love for the hawke twins they are the main characters in my heart like yes fine hawke you're there too #but THE TWINS aaaaaaaauughghghghhhhhh #seriously though i'll never forget being annoyed that ed was bumbling around and then watching carver be the only one unaffected #and he's the only one beating meredith and tbh i was cheering him on yes baby brother get her show her how you do it back in fereldan #honestly doesn't it figure though? carver would be the one to deliver the final blow and then be completely overshadowed #because varric has such a hard on for hawke BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH #and it's the same with bethany like this entire run i was so invested in her and i wanted her to set meredith on fire #though this time the fight was actually super easy because i was way more prepared and at a higher level so hawke never got stunned? #i dunno but i wasn't keeping track of bethany during the battle and somehow she did die once... but it's fine she got better #siiiiiigh.... do you know how much i want a playthrough with just the twins? so badly like listen hawke you're neat #but maybe this time you could let the ogre eat you instead? just this once? i love both of my hawkes but the twins?? #hawke twins hawke twins haWKE TWINS HAWKE TWINS #i guess i have to settle for au crafting and fanfic...

[decarbry]

Yabureme 1-1

#boku no hero academia fanart #shouta aizawa #nomu aizawa #eraser head #Yabureme Aizawa AU #Yabureme Comic #well here it is #part one of.. chapter??? one???? #I guess this is my set-up #a handful of pages per part and a handful of parts per chapter depending on the chapter content #I went way too hard on this but I kept dragging my feet on starting this comic because I wanted it to be perfect #which is dumb and this is NOT perfect but I'm happy with it #so at least I have a baseline to continue with that appeals to me #xoxoxoxo #tw blood #my drive to do this comic is strong so hopefully it won't be long between parts #but I'm also not going to promise delivery dates HAHA #they'll come when I finish them and that's as accurate as I'll be #I hope you guys like ittttt

[obihoe]

genuinely genjutsu expert vs. taijutsu guy remains to be the funniest shit like. one is so SUPER sophisticated and gives u so many options to fuck over the other party while at the same time .. a guy who prides himself on his genjutsu skills and is maybe a bit pretentious abt it too getting punched in the face?? hilarious. but then also all taijutsu is literally nothing if the genjutsu expert successfully fucks with ur perception of reality. see naruto just falling flat on his face bc itachi made him hallucinate something and he just fires his rasengan into nothing. asgdfdfsfs. whoever wins. its humiliating as fuck for the other guy

#like gai?? all his wins are hilarious #mdr isnt just genjutsu proficient i guess but he is a GOD. and gai just goes yeah what if i just Punched him real hard #itachi .. he is infamous for his genjutsu skills but he Fucks off immediately when he shows up #asddfdfsfs #its like all that eyeball magic is nothing if u get just fucking beat to death #on the other hand. a taijutsu expert looks stupid as fuck when a genjutsu professional makes him see funny stupid or horrible illusions #and he tries to fight it like Huh okay what are u gonna do? #PUNCH the genjutsu? asfsgdfds #im thinking it would be quite funny also if the ninjas saw it that way too? #like what if itachi for example is like 'punching each other is so stupid. i dont even have to MOVE and i'll still fuck u over #taijutsu is for fucking LOSERS who cant do anything sophisticated' #and gai was like 'these fucking uchiha and their stupid eyeballs what're u gonna do if i just beat the fuck outta u huh?' #'genjutsu is for NERDS only real chads know taijutsu. using genjutsu just means youre a loser virgin who cant lift' #adsddgdfsgds #posts #naruto #itachi #maito gai

[iwaasfairy]

it's always sad to realize but people who never contact you first aren't your friends. i always let people into my heart very easily n it kinda comes around to bite me bc i always consider people friends even tho they aren't very friendly at all to me

#idk man like;;; i hang on like my life depends on it #not in a clingy way; more a 'even tho we haven't talked for 6 months' kind of way #but if i always Always have to start the convo #that isn't a friend yk??? i know that #in my head i know that #but i still have a really hard time letting people go #it's just sad bc i really don't require a lot of friendship energy either #we can not talk for weeks and i'll be just as happy to hear from you as when we talk every day #but like;;; idk at some point i gotta just let things go i guess bc #it just makes me really tired n sad #mutuals are great and all until they don't even treat you like #idK people dont owe others anything ofc #but i think it's the nice thing to do if you call someone your friend #ring ring

[gideonisms]

No don't make every basic life task nearly impossible to accomplish yuor so sexy aha

#am i going crazy or is everything way too hard all the time #it's so dumb it's like. i've been trying to do my laundry for 2 days washers full every day #i can't keep my apartment from smelling no matter how much room spray i buy because my neighbors smoke like. #i have to hassle people into completing the hiring process THEY initiated???? like???? #look getting up the brainpower to accomplish anything through my whole. deal is difficult already but #i am struggling for basic hygeine here!!!!!! why!!!! !!!!!! #guess i'll go die in a ditch smelly and stinky then!!!!!!!! #clean underwear?? that is for people who are really on that grind (washing it in their bathtubs) i fucking guess!!!!!!!!! #okay mercymorn moment over but i'm on my period and i want to throw a massive fit!!!! #anyway #jesus

[431989]

more resident alien posting. predictions... spoilers so beware

well. i'm upset that the shows going to have a difficult time having more serious scenes now. and that's probably what it's going to try and set itself up for.

i reaaaally would have loved to see this show do something ACTUALLY different and good. by different i mean in terms of writing and not necessarily drifting from source material. yes i'm still sour over last ep, but i wouldn't be AS sour if everyone on the show didn't treat harry and asta's relationship as "mother and child." and also if the show didn't take such a nose dive into the type of comedy it's putting out.

ALSO? IN A RECENT INTERVIEW? Sheridan going on to state that harry would lose his first """love""" (more like lust. awesome that a show trying to teach human emotion gets those two things mixed up) and then realize there's love everywhere or something? why does this feel like "weird" people are forever left to the role of outcasts. already fucked it up once i guess the guy's trying to fuck it up more. could've just left it at "he'll lose his first love, then he will have to reconcile with his feelings." but he had to drop in that last corny bit.

like. the show's source is already good. i don't understand all these decisions they're making to try and make it seem "unique." and now to get numbers back they're dumbing it way down. WHICH. BY DOING SO. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE YOUR DRAMA? like how am i supposed to take anything seriously in the show. i *could* in season 1 and parts of season 2, but now it's just whatever. it's too goofed up for me to care. and now people who love the goofy won't give two shits about whatever message you want to drop or plot you want to develop. i dont give a shit about the greys!!! i dont care what theyre doing!!!! who gives a fuck if theyll blow up the earth. none of the characters really care anymore either. oh well!!!

also, predictions kind of. i'm not trying to say this will be the be all end all but it certainly could be a turn the show takes. in one of the issues of the comic (suicide blonde i think), harry is investigating the "suicide" of a woman. by the end of the issue, he catches up with her ex-lover and ex-roommate. they were both ladies. and the girl who died had a drinking problem btw. and was constantly seeing boys. i'm all for gay couples on screen as a gay guy myself but it'll feel so cheap to pair darcy and asta together despite the way theyve been played on screen. maybe its doable. i don't know. but i genuinely could care less considering the overall tone of the show's drifted more towards a sitcom than anything else. i think the small handful of 40+ year old gay wine moms would probably love it, but the vast majority of viewers wont. either they'll hate it and say it's forced diversity (there's already people saying that about the gay couple on screen this past episode) or it'll be another nothing moment to a further nothing story. if anything it'd feel one step removed from tokenization, considering they see harry as a manchild. ableism! show's trying to seem fucking wholesome but they can't be bothered to care about their nd viewers. like "haha look we have a main gay couple!!! what do you *mean* our show has rampant ableist tropes, we have a gay couple!"

i'm just so bummed. the show's cornered itself into a sitcom so meaningful moments aren't a thing anymore. plus the comparison of harry to a child is really getting at me. like he's a grown man as a human, and hes a grown alien thing as an alien. it's such a big slap in the face to any person who cherished the witty and unique story telling of the first season... like.... i don't know.... people who would've been fans of the comic too? i have small gripes about the comic, but at least it takes itself more seriously. but the show runners haaate the people who read the comics. why? i dont know. well maybe i do know. probably seen as too nerdy and weird for their idea of the show's viewerbase. despite the fucking basis of the show being weird and nerdy.

they couldve done the darcy asta thing better if they do go down that road. i'm just saying i wouldn't be surprised. they already scared off everyone who would've cared for something like that, so i don't know how they'll manage to find an audience that cares. everything in s1 was so organic and felt real!!!!! now its just!!! nothing!!!!!!!!!!

im also thinking about the fact that after posting that one resident alien drawing i did, i've had to block tons of people because they're freaks. loud and proud conservatives. man this shit sucks.

#resident alien #ra posting #sorry this one's kind of long #i'm still mad #i'll still keep up i guess out of spite #no i'm not paying for shit either LOL #i'll also clarify that i was in a sleepy daze when reading the comic #so i could've glazed past some things or the connection i made in my sleepy daze might not make sense now #which do correct me on that #but buhhhhh #whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #god forbid a guy have meaningful development in a show he cares about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #also for anyone tempted to read the comic its written by two english guys so. keep that in mind i guess. #this is alllllll making me want to make my own thing #guhh #tbvh the show took out a lot of the comics... mysticism... but then the show shat all over the work they did to make it real and charming #flanderization hit it hard #feels way more tokeny. and also harry atp is nothing more than described as a manchild #EDITTING IN THE TAGS THEY DID CALL EACH OTHER FAMILY DIDNT THEY #technically they hadnt done that yet for asta and harry on screen i dont think but the interviews are still there #god what a mess

[pixiis-blog]

Y'know I keep seeing so many videos about former fans destroying their Wilbur soot merch or throwing it away. And with good reason!

But it makes me feel a little bad and like I'm not doing enough to have relegated the only thing I own, a Lovejoy shirt that was purchased for me by a friend, to my pajamas.

Like I have a desire to "perform" and trash/throw away/thrift it... But the shirt is also a reminder of that friendship. It being a symbol of that friendship means more to me than the content of the shirt.

#to be fair I've probably lost this friendship because I left my job last month #but all the same it means a lot to me outside of wilbur #they're a very nice person and went out of their way to get me a shirt at the concert they attended #and somehow managed to guess my size when I didn't answer my phone (which is very hard for people to do) #it's a weird dichotomy because I know I don't have to perform #but I feel like I should #i dunno. I guess I'll figure it out but for now it's a comfy pajama shirt #pixii speaks #wilbur situation

[scattered-winter]

literally nothing worse than waiting for bad news to hit. like i don't know how i'm supposed to go to class with this particular sword hanging over my head

#especially since this particular Bad News could change So Much .. #i don't think my dad is ready to be shouldering the entire household by himself. i really dont. #with 3 kids still at home and his job i just. i dont think he can do it alone. #and both of my older siblings have lives already !! they have spouses and jobs and kids !! #they cant just pack up their lives and move across the state !! #but im not settled i dont have a job i dont have kids or a spouse and hell i was gonna leave school anyway !! #just. not this soon. #but fuck i guess i might have to move up the timetable a bit. #but the THING IS that I DONT KNOW YET. like i Know but i dont actually know officially. yet. #and idk. maybe im hoping it'll not turn out the way i know it will so im holding off on making a decision #or maybe im just trying really really hard not to think about the future for the next few days. #but either way by tuesday i'll know for sure and that'll be that. #ill need to talk to my landlord to see if they'll let me move out early. and my counselor to see if i can take a break from school for a bi #and probably my dad just to let him know that im moving back home. idk. i dont fucking know #winter speaks #personal #grief tag #<- gonna be a Whole Thing btw if u wanna blacklist

[etoile-gracieuse]

made myself mad (saw stupid twitter discourse calling real life people "minor-coded" for being short and or baby faced/calling real life regular degular ass relationships between ppl the Same Age predatory for said "minor-coded"-ness and felt the top of my head blow off like a looney tunes character) and typed out a post abt it except then real life hit. and i remembered that actually whatever 14 year olds are saying on twitter Does Not Fucking Matter

#honestly please do try and call me minor-coded for being 4'11 and 22 years old. #try calling everyone ive dated/hooked up w/etc predatory. really. just try it. #my grandfather's in the hospital AND my mom's car got totaled AND my dog had to go to the emergency vet today #so i'll take an easy excuse to throw hands rn #apparently hooking up with someone a month younger than me is Immoral and Problematic. bc he's 5'11 and im just under 5'0 #congrats you have officially narrowed ppl im 'allowed' to date to. other 22 year old baby faced 4'11 people. i guess #fucking horrible take to be like 'you cant date people unless you Look the same age'. that goes down some pretty goddamn dark roads #congratulations you have discoursed so hard youve horseshoe theory'd your way into loopholes for actual evil shit

[suncaptor]

there's something specifically inside my head that is closing up that makes trusting anything so hard. i have to manually keep my mind open to the potential of anything being significant. i am so used to things being bad and things hurting and things not working and being powerless that it takes an exorbitant amount of mental energy to make sure I don't let myself shut down possibility. and I do it because I never want a certainty inside of me besides love to rule anything. but I want my brain elastic again. i want it open like breathing. it doesn't erase the unfairness or the critique or any of the bitter-built philosophy.

#it's so hard to describe what I mean. i think it's the combo of the like. specific part of my brain's development + the amount of trauma #I have endured + the degree of which that has been taking place on a backdrop of the world being incredibly injust no matter what I do #this is very very silly but the extent of how much this impacts me was made clear by how like. closed off I was to even liking an album by #my favourite singer. like obviously I am obsessively keeping myself open I would never let my preconceived sense of doom and stubbornness #control my willingness to let things in #but it shouldn't be so hard to keep my mind open to things like... liking my favourite musician of most of my life's music........... #and that's a VERY silly example but that's why it's easier to talk about. it takes so much work to be open enough for things like therapy #or religion because they've damaged me so much #how am i supposed to handle this on a backdrop of constant constant helplessness in the face of living insecurity and illness and trauma? #the problem is if you try so so so hard again and again and remain hopeful regardless of how illogical that hope is #but you get let down so constantly since you're never stop trying ever even when systems fail you again and again #and you're watching horrible things happen and everything that shapes you is horror #then regardless of how much you try it's so hard to let yourself let go of the very realistic lived experience of doubt and critique #and I DO. do NOT get me wrong. I am obsessive and refuse to be my own problem #but the act of doing so shouldn't be like this. it's in everything i do. from simple things like listening to new music to even the mere #possibility of a future #i am very worried this one is going to be misinterpreted bc I AM NOT saying I'm stubborn in the face of systems that have repeatedly failed #me. I AM NOT. I am saying to not be shouldn't take this work when it envelops the rest of my life. #if anyone reads this far please please acknowledge the degree of which I almost pathologically try again and again when I can guarantee #nearly everyone wouldn't and still fight to keep myself open to hope because that's just something in me that is like that. but BEING like #that is. repeatedly putting yourself in situations where you are powerless already and helpless to get better and then are hurt more and #there's no way to escape it's just the repeated nature of it and then trying to not be the issue. #it's the problem in itself. #my ambition SHOULD be smarter. #god I'll go into this when I fully understand it another time. i don't think i have this phrased in a way to make all the dots of what i #mean correlate in the significant ways to anyone but me #but hey i guess i'm expecting anyone to read this in a light to misperceive me in the first place instead of accept maybe I'm not explainin #well or giving me the benefit of the doubt. see. #delete

[disorderly]

Okay, but people going on trips or talking about doing anything that means they may suddenly not be able to contact me for prolonged periods of time triggers my abandonment issues so much. Like, no, you can not go to college, you can not get a job, you can not leave the house and do volunteer work because what if you meet someone else, think they're better, and never talk to me again? What if you forget I exist?

#I just have to find someone with no life ambitions apparently #vent #bpd #bpd vent #whenever people mention these things around me I have to pretend to be happy when in fact I am dying inside #and trying so hard not to block them because I'd rather leave than watch myself be slowly replaced #because either way I believe I'll be left and it gives me more control if I do it...and saves me from the thought process of #I'm forgettable and easy to replace...because I guess I'm just doing it to them first

[fooltofancy]

only capable of building a cave and sitting in it rn apparently.

#have a single aesthetic #and that is Damp #i guess #ffxiv housing #redid the fc room and made it small #so so small #baby mode blogging #thinking about adding one more lamp to the center pendant lamp collection but we'll see #if they go any higher they snap to something in the sky and i have No idea what it is lmao #also want to rotate the little nook like..... twenty degrees. but i'll have to load it into makeplace and i'm scared of makeplace so #... when u do everything the hard way even when you're doing it the easy way

[thethingything]

I find it kind of interesting that we have a couple of delusions (and the hallucinations that come with those) that just kind of involve gruesome stuff happening to us, especially because they weren't as gruesome at first but have gotten more so over time.

the hallucinations are all somatic ones (sensations instead of visuals or audio) but they're stuff like I guess what our brain thinks it would feel like if our organs were decomposing, or being eaten by maggots, or just stuff with a similar vibe to that?

I can put up with it for the most part, but like I did nearly throw up on the bed because of it earlier and I'd really like to not experience that again

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #emetophobia tw #vent post #<- I guess? I mean it kinda sucks but I'm not that upset about it right now #anyway this is partly from the Cotard's delusion and partly because we also get delusions involving being parasitised #I think they're kind of linked together for us. like there's a similar vibe to them somehow #anyway the Cotard's delusion is like... it flares up every so often and gets really intense #but otherwise it's mostly just there in the background as like ''yeah that's a thing we experience'' but not affecting us that much #it's hard to explain how we usually feel about it when it's not flaring up really intensely #but at the moment it is flaring up so it's like... okay I guess this is what we're doing for the foreseeable future #idk we might just wake up later and be like ''oh never mind'' or it might flare up for a few weeks or whatever #also talking about this is wild because like I've definitely mentioned us having it but I'm still aware that everything says it's super rar #even though we've met multiple other people who have it and we had it for years without knowing it had a name or anything #but I'm still paranoid about getting fakeclaimed because people like to be like ''that's so rare. there's no way you can have that'' #like idk what to tell you buddy my brain is convinced that I'm dead and that my organs are decomposing. I'm not happy about it either #being able to double-bookkeep and know we're experiencing a delusion also makes it weirder #because it's like yeah I know it sounds ridiculous and is technically impossible but my brain has decided that none of that matters #and me being like ''well that can't be true'' feels like being in denial so even though I know it's a delusion #a lot of the time it's easier to just lean into it and go ''okay sure I guess I'm dead. who gives a shit'' #anyway let's see how I end up feeling after talking about this because either I'll post it and be like ''yeah this is fine'' #or I'll get paranoid about being fakeclaimed or people being like ''what the actual fuck'' and end up deleting it

[atlantis2aquarius]

Art is hard...god bless the better artist 😅

I haven’t been practicing as much as I should or would like to but...doodles happen. pls be kind u~u this week I’ll be working on facial features and proportions...the issue is I’m learning from different styles while trying to find my own. So sjsdlkjsfjlkskjfsdlkj...I’m struggling but fuck it, have some somewhat horny mcdanno because it’s been a shit week and I deserve it!

#McDanno #McDanno fanart #art's hard you guys >.> #in theory I kinda get it... #in practice...the lines won't do what I want them to do! >.> #It did give me a chance to just stare at Alex's tattoos <3 #I'm personally very fond of his lil lizard tattoo so that's why I added it #one day I'll be talented enough to draw his dick! #well to the level i'll be proud of #hopefully by then tumblr cencors will be kinder. otherwise i guess I'll just have to share with my friends the old fashion way #spicy #lemon-y #lemon #hawaii 5 0 #Steve McGarrett #Danny Williams

[louismygf]

just recently watched this is us with my college friends

#tbqh i found it kinda boring 😭 #the louis clips were so not enough #ive watched some clips online prior to actually watching it (for the first time might i add) #one of my friends had a cousin who was crazyyy ab 1d so she dragged her out to the cinema to go watch it when it came out and in 3d lol 😭 #the 3d schtick is so funny 2 me lmao 😭 #my friend recalls freaking out in the movie theater bc she was a major niall fan at the time. she said 3d niall was so close 2 her face lol #anyway. ab how i watched some clips online prior #i was actually waiting for the louis n his sisters part or the one where he visits his school or smth #my friends.... they literally don't know a thing ab louis personality-wise so they didn't really get much from it #UGH i should download aotv and make them watch it that was way more interesting (but idk? smth about it feels like it's made for fans only? #but... i'll suggest it the next time we get together 🙏🏼 #anyw back to my review. #simon cowell's face was a jumpscare what can i say. it was so evil how nicole scherzinger was just. completely written off #im from the future i Know things #<- and like. about this. i felt kinda bad being cynical about the movie when i know my friend is Still an ot5 at heart #i think i broke her 13-year old heart a little 😭 #it's so weird how the movie keeps singling out zayn about him getting kicked out or him talking solo music etc kskdj. feels v pointed Lol #they really just documented the 1d-mania & madness they ensued huh.... i think 2 of my friends (bts fans) weren't as impressed LOL 😭 #they kinda flamed their performances and stage outfits which is. yeah i agree. kpop idols do WAY more than just.... that (1d) kskskd #i guess i'll make them watch the extra clips next time (o haven't seen all the clips yet i think) #OH and 😭 why was martin scorsese in the film that was hilarious #didn't have a lot of realness to it. is what i thought of the film. yeah. this is(N'T) us ✊🏽😔 #maybe... i am too much of a hater #i liked... the... um. it's hard to highlight things i liked ab the film when im Not a 1d fan 😭 like im a louie ONLY idgaf ab 1d 😔 #the part ab louis audition.... im sorry babie the editors did u dirty but it was so funny........😭 #<- though i imagine it solidified people's (wrong) opinions about him :/